#its me and my procrastination against the world

[bluerskiees]

I have so many works in progress but none of them are close to being finished. I swear I'll do all ur requests after ny exams. I feel so guilty for taking too long. Is this normal??? I srsly dk. Anyways, have an amazing day/night!!

[quillkiller]

that meme ’something something when i laugh but then i remember (insert traumatic thing) so nothings funny anymore’ but its me reading fics and then i remember i have a dead rat in my freezer so nothings funny anymore

[evankinard]

going to bed nobody speak to me or my perfect research paper outline or my nonexistent formal report that are both due on tuesday ever again

[sprinklethetangerine]

The urge to sleep rn instead of finishing all my work that's due literally tomorrow.

[physalian]

You don’t have to pay for that fancy worldbuilding program

As mentioned in this post about writing with executive dysfunction, if one of your reasons to keep procrastinating on starting your book is not being able to afford something like World Anvil or Campfire, I’m here to tell you those programs are a luxury, not a necessity: Enter Google Suite (not sponsored but gosh I wish).

MS Office offers more processing power and more fine-tuning, but Office is expensive and only autosaves to OneDrive, and I have a perfectly healthy grudge against OneDrive for failing to sync and losing 19k words of a WIP that I never got back.

Google’s sync has never failed me, and the Google apps (at least for iPhone) aren’t nearly as buggy and clunky as Microsoft’s. So today I’m outlining the system I used for my upcoming fantasy novel with all the helpful pictures and diagrams. Maybe this won’t work for you, maybe you have something else, and that’s okay! I refuse to pay for what I can get legally for free and sometimes Google’s simplicity is to its benefit.

The biggest downside is that you have to manually input and update your data, but as someone who loves organizing and made all these willingly and for fun, I don’t mind.

So. Let’s start with Google Sheets.

The Character Cheat Sheet:

I organized it this way for several reasons:

I can easily see which characters belong to which factions and how many I have named and have to keep up with for each faction

All names are in alphabetical order so when I have to come up with a new name, I can look at my list and pick a letter or a string of sounds I haven’t used as often (and then ignore it and start 8 names with A).

The strikethrough feature lets me keep track of which characters I kill off (yes, I changed it, so this remains spoiler-free)

It’s an easy place to go instead of scrolling up and down an entire manuscript for names I’ve forgotten, with every named character, however minor their role, all in one spot

Also on this page are spare names I’ll see randomly in other media (commercials, movie end credits, etc) and can add easily from my phone before I forget

Also on this page are my summary, my elevator pitch, and important character beats I could otherwise easily mess up, it helps stay consistent

*I also have on here not pictured an age timeline for all my vampires so I keep track of who’s older than who and how well I’ve staggered their ages relative to important events, but it’s made in Photoshop and too much of a pain to censor and add here

On other tabs, I keep track of location names, deities, made-up vocabulary and definitions, and my chapter word count.

The Word Count Guide:

*3/30 Edit to update this chart to its full glory. Column 3 is a cumulative count. Most of what I write breaks 100k and it's fun watching the word count rise until it boils over.

This is the most frustrating to update manually, especially if you don’t have separate docs for each chapter, but it really helps me stay consistent with chapter lengths and the formula for calculating the average and rising totals is super basic.

Not that all your chapters have to be uniform, but if you care about that, this little chart is a fantastic visualizer.

If you have multiple narrators, and this book does, you can also keep track of how many POVs each narrator has, and how spread out they are. I didn’t do that for this book since it’s not an ensemble team and matters less, but I did for my sci-fi WIP, pictured below.

As I was writing that one, I had “scripted” the chapters before going back and writing out all the glorious narrative, and updated the symbols from “scripted” to “finished” accordingly.

I also have a pie chart that I had to make manually on a convoluted iPhone app to color coordinate specifically the way I wanted to easily tell who narrates the most out of the cast, and who needs more representation.

—

Google Docs

Can’t show you much here unfortunately but I’d like to take an aside to talk about my “scene bits” docs.

It’s what it says on the tin, an entire doc all labeled with different heading styles with blurbs for each scene I want to include at some point in the book so I can hop around easily. Whether they make it into the manuscript or not, all practice is good practice and I like to keep old ideas because they might be useful in unsuspecting ways later.

Separate from that, I keep most of my deleted scenes and scene chunks for, again, possible use later in a “deleted scenes” doc, all labeled accordingly.

When I designed my alien language for the sci-fi series, I created a Word doc dictionary and my own "translation" matrix, for easy look-up or word generation whenever I needed it (do y'all want a breakdown for creating foreign languages? It's so fun).

Normally, as with my sci-fi series, I have an entire doc filled with character sheets and important details, I just… didn’t do that for this book. But the point is—you can still make those for free on any word processing software, you don’t need fancy gadgets.

—

I hope this helps anyone struggling! It doesn’t have to be fancy. It doesn’t have to be expensive. Everything I made here, minus the aforementioned timeline and pie chart, was done with basic excel skills and the paint bucket tool. I imagine this can be applicable to games, comics, what have you, it knows no bounds!

Now you have one less excuse to sit down and start writing.

[astr0-physcs]

an offer i could definitely refuse

t.fushiguro x m!reader

<you, a stripper for an underground club, catch the eye of a dangerous man>

{TW: slight dub-con, unprotected sex, degradation, praise, Daddy kink, brief mentions of alcohol and smoking, reader is a stripper}

WC: 5.1k

a/n: this too me so long but i'm such a procrastinator 💀

‼️NSFW UNDER THE CUT‼️

The intoxicating thrum of Shibuya nightlife beckoned, its seductive pulse a siren’s call to the lost, lonely, and desperate. A kaleidoscope of neon lights painted the streets, each hue casting long shadows upon the asphalt canvas, obscuring the lines between reality and fantasy. It was within this seductive world that you thrived, your vibrant aura and ethereal beauty echoed by the nocturnal glow of the city. You were a creature of the night, and the night embraced you with open arms.

Your chains clinked against your leather harness, hugging your body tight as you spun around the metal pole, the neon strobe lights reflecting off the metal adorned on your body. The routine for tonight was nothing special, so you danced normally, smiling like you were having the time of your life. Your co-workers mingled around the club, offering drinks and services to the paying customers.

Suddenly, you catch a glimpse of your manager, an elegant woman with eye-catching white hair in a diamond studded jumpsuit, walking across the back of the club. You try to narrow your eyes to see better. She's greeting a man, tall and muscular, and appears to invite him to her office.He smiles cunningly and follows her. Before you can take your eyes off of the scene, the man's vibrant green eyes glanced up onto the stage. You felt a shiver go down your spine, and you nearly messed up your routine. His eyes pierced right into your soul, and then they were gone. Muscle memory kicked in as you finished out your routine. The song ended and the small crowd close to the stage whooped and yelled. You flash a cocky smile at the crowd, then whisper to your partner that you needed a drink.

Scurrying off stage, you run to the employees only section and grab your water bottle, taking a much needed drink. The clear liquid dripped down your chin and you huff, wiping it on the back of your wrist. A door opens to your right, and your boss walks through, leading the same dark haired man from before. You nearly choke, spinning around rapidly to avoid more eye contact. You didn't turn back around until you heard her office door shut.

You let out a breath you didn't know you were holding.

“What could they possibly be talking about in there?” You think to yourself. Was he getting hired? Your curiosity gets the better of you, and you set down your water bottle in favor of tiptoeing quietly to the door, careful to not let the heels of your stilettos touch the ground. Pressing an ear against the door, you try to listen in on their conversation.

“—And the payment is all here.” That was your boss.

“Thanks, Mei Mei.” The unfamiliar deeper voice must be that man. “I should have this done by next week.”

You can hear your bosses frown in her next words. “You can't make it any sooner?”

“Oh sure I can. But that's gonna cost ya’.”

Your eyes narrowed. What a scumbag.

“Come now, Toji.” Her voice turned sweeter and deeper, trying to seduce him. Toji, you thought.

“Nuh uh, none of your sweet talk. Ya’ know that don't work on me.”

They knew each other…?

“Tch, alright. Please make this quick.”

“Sure thing, boss.”

Footsteps approach the door quicker than you anticipated, and you try to back up as quickly as possible. The door swung open, and the big man walked out. He gave you a quizzical look, arching an eyebrow.

“What's this? An eavesdropper?”

His baritone voice reverberated inside your head. You stutter and go pink from embarrassment as he shut the door. “N–no! I was just getting a sip of water after my routine, I would never—!”

“Ohhh yea, I saw you up there.” He interrupted. “Y’know, for such a scrawny boy, you dance pretty well.”

Your mouth goes dry. Of course, people complimented you on your performances all the time. But the way he gave you such a backhanded compliment made you feel… weird.

“Thank you…?” You say, confused and took a second to take in his appearance . He was wearing a black compression shirt, releasing his toned body and white sweatpants. Not exactly club attire, but he wasn't here for the club, you thought. He towered at least a foot or two above you, his black hair was untrimmed and a mess across his forehead.

He grunts a response. The corners of his mouth twitch, the scar on the side of his lip curving upwards.

“A sucker for attention, I see.”

The blush coloring your cheeks deepens. “I am not!”

He chuckles at your defensive stance. “Right. Like you weren't just up there dancing your slutty heart out for all the attention from big, bad men.”

You were bright red now, his teasing words embarrassing you.

“I–I'm not up there for any other reason other than to make money. It's a job, not something I want to do for fun.”

Toji gives you a knowing look, his thin eyebrows raising slightly. He hums inquisitively and then sighs. He pulls out a cigarette and starts searching his body for a lighter.

You scrunch your face a little. “Smoking isn't allowed in the club. I thought Mei Mei would have told you that.”

His glance sent a shiver down your spine. Emerald eyes narrowed, he looks you up and down unimpressed.

“And a rule stickler, too. Not my type.”

He walks past you, out of the club's back room. You stare after him incredulously. What an ass! You think as you grit your teeth, stopping yourself from going after him. You take another sip of water from your bottle and walk back out onto the stage. The next pair's routine had already started, and your partner came up to you behind the curtain.

“Hey, where were you? You were gone for a while.”

You shrug. “One of Mei Mei’s clients was talking to me.”

She blinks, surprised. “Mei Mei never takes on clients.”

You shake your head. “Not that kind of client, I don't think. Mei Mei has a partner. I think they were discussing money or something.”

You trail off, glancing into the crowd fawning over the two dancers on stage. Another member of the club comes up behind you. He had long dark hair out into a half bun. His nipple piercings glimmered in the strobe lights reflection.

“Hey, I need your help on the floor. Satoru is going on break and you're up next.” He said, his voice smooth over the electro music. You nod your head and wait for Satoru to come towards the employee break room. He comes up to you and your shift lead. He hands you his tray, clad with a black and white checkered design. You take it from him and watch him and the shift lead walk into the back. You sigh softly. It was obvious they had something going on.

You wave goodbye to your coworker and head onto the floor, swinging your hips with each step. You walked over to the bar to get the next order.

“Hey, Nanami. Who's up next?”

Nanami glances at you behind the counter, his dark brown glasses hiding his intimidating eyes.

“Whiskey, on the rocks. Table 94.” Nanami stated bluntly. He wasn't the type to have a conversation with those who he didn't consider in his personal circle. You nod and glance to the table he referred to. You are met with those same predatory emerald eyes. Quickly breaking your gaze, you stare into space for a second. Nanami gives you a look.

“He's watching you.” He says, his voice a low murmur. “Do you know him?”

You shake your head. “No. He's one of Mei Mei’s clients. For money.” You specify.

Nanami glanced at the table. “He looks like a dangerous man. Be careful.”

You gave Nanami a grateful look and sighed softly.

He places the caramel colored liquid on the bar top. You take a deep breath, gathering your confidence. “Okay, okay.” You breathe. Placing the glass onto your tray, you begin walking towards those watchful eyes. A chill runs down your spine as you get closer to his table.

His eyes never leave your body. You put on a sugary smile, pretending you don't know him. “Hi there! Here's your order.” You place the drink onto the table with a slight clunk. You notice the cigarette was still in his mouth, now lit.

“I'm sorry, sir. Smoking isn't allowed inside the building.”

He arches a brow at you. “I know the rules here, doll.”

Your eyebrows twitch, annoyed with his carefree attitude. You still give him a sweet smile. “Please put it away.”

He scoffs. “Or what, babe? You gonna make me?”

You drop your smile. “I am just doing my job. I'll have to call the manager if you continue to disrespect the rules of the club.”

“You're gonna have to ask nicer than that, sweetie.” His lips curve upwards into a smirk. Your face glows red with embarrassment, lucky the club was dark and he couldn't see it.

“Please put the cigarette away.” You say, much more politely than you wanted to. He gives you a wolfish grin, taking a long, exaggerated drag and then blowing it in your direction. Your temper rose, your blood boiling. Before you could think rationally, you took the cigarette out of his mouth. He glanced at you, a mild expression on his dark features. His deep jade eyes never left your body, studying your face. You take the cigarette and throw it on the floor, stepping in it with your heel, smushing it into the concrete club floor.

His expression darkened.

“Listen, doll. Nobody disrespects me. Especially not a stuck up bimbo whore.”

You stiffened up with anger and reached out to slap him. With incredible speed, he caught your wrist and pulled, tripping you and causing you to fall on top of him. Your eyes searched for him wildly, and his lips went back to that wolfish smirk.

“I—”

He cuts off your protests with his lips against your own. You open your mouth to protest and he shoves his tongue into you. You squirm, but his massive rough hands hold you tight by your waist, forcing your thighs apart. He was greedy with his kiss, forcefully exploring your body with his hands. He tastes like cigarettes and you frown at the flavor.

A few seconds pass, before he finally breaks the kiss. He grins at you, noting how your cheeks were flushed and your breath was labored.

“Somebody enjoyed that.” He teased me. Your face went up in flames, scowling at him.

“You are seriously violating the rules of the club. Please let me go before I have to call my manager.”

Toji rolls his eyes. “I don't think Mei Mei will mind if I have a little fun. Besides, we have a deal in place.”

“What kind of deal?” You ask, curious.

He scoffs. “Wouldn't you like to know? Sorry doll, that info’s top secret. Not for cute little sluts like yourself.”

He flicks your nose playfully with his free hand. You wince at the impact and cover where he flicked you. He chuckles slowly, his hand on your waist tightening.

“Do you have any idea who I am, sweetheart?” he whispers slowly. You blink. He was right, you didn't know who this man was. Just that he was talking with Mei Mei. You shake your head. He chuckles, then laughs loudly like you just told the funniest joke.

“Oh babe… You are in for it, aren't you?” His scar curves up with his massive smile. You couldn't help but feel dread crawl up your spine like poison ivy. You swallow nervously.

“Don't worry, doll. I'll be gentle.” He coos. “Maybe…”

A soft gasp escapes you, your eyes going wide. Toji smirks and lifts your chin up with his other hand.

“Not like you're trying to leave anymore.”

You go red again and look away, all your previous confidence fizzling out quickly. Arousal begins to heat up in your core and you try not to close your thighs around his waist. He smirks up at you, getting in your face. His dark eyes sparkled with predatory mischief, and you bite your lip softly. He runs his thumb over your lip and laughs a little.

“Don't get shy with me now, baby. What's gonna happen when I see your entire body, free from all these stupid restrictions?”

To emphasize his point, he tugs on one of the straps to your leather harness. You blush again and open your mouth to defend yourself. The words get stuck in your throat and you look away your eyes sketching through the crowd of peoples, hoping something would distract you. Toji chuckles.

“You're so adorable, you don't even know what you do to me.” He coos again, tilting his head slightly. You look at him through your lashes.

“What do I do…?” You ask softly.

Toji raises both of his eyebrows, his smirk growing. “Somebody's being brave. You really wanna know?”

You nod, not breaking eye contact. Toji chuckles again.

“Alright, baby. I'll show you. Lemme take you to the back real quick.”

He effortlessly lifts you up, his hands on your thighs. You yelp and wrap your legs around his waist instinctively. He laughs in your ear, and you feel his voice reverberating in his chest.

“Where are we going?” you ask.

Toji gives you a confused look. “Don't you work here? We're going to a back room, baby.”

“O–oh, yeah…” You blush, embarrassed.

He laughs slowly, and begins walking down the hall labeled in glod letters ‘Private Rooms.’ You glance at Nanami at the bar, and he shoots you a worried look. You gently nod your head, signaling that you weren't in danger.

The hall was filled with quiet laughter, and the music was muffled. You subconsciously grip onto Tojis shoulders, and he laughs lowly.

“Relax, sweetheart,” he murmured. “I'm not gonna hurt ‘cha.”

You nod into his shoulder as he carries you into an empty room. The room looked like most of the other private rooms. There was a leather couch pressed up against the wall, matching the red aesthetic of this room in particular. There was a small coffee table in the middle of the floor with a lamp on it, emanating a soft glow. He sits you down on the lavish couch, his hands roaming from your thighs to the swell of your ass. Suddenly he slaps you, causing you to yelp. You push back from him, frowning.

“You said you weren't gonna hurt me….” You say with a pout.

“Oh yeah. I did say that didn't i?” He glanced away, pretending to think. You wiggle in his lap, your ass stinging. He roughly grabs your hips and forces you to stay still. “Keep still for me, doll— Yeah, that's it…”

You flush a little at the praise. Toji grins again, possessive and predatory.

“Yeah? You like that? Who's a good boy?” he says in a low voice. You bite your lip and glance away. He ‘tsks’ and harshly grabs your face, his smile fading.

“Look at me when I'm speaking to you, doll face. I asked you a question.”

“I–I am…” you mutter, your lips pressed together firmly. His wolfish grin returns.

“Good boy. I think you deserve a reward, don't you?”

You gulp and nod weakly, your body humming with anticipation. His smug expression gets impossibly wider. Jade eyes scan your body, unashamed.

“You really want me to tell you? Or d’ya want me to show you…?” He leans in, his warm breath fanning across your chin.

“That… That sounds good…” You agree, your voice shaky and breathless. Toji grins egotistically and his hands begin roaming your body again. He leans in closer to your lips and your breath turns heavy.

“Yeah?” He hums against your lips. “Where d’ya wanna take this, babe?”

You dont reply, instead opting to press your glossed lips against his chapped ones. You can feel his smile in the kiss, his hands gripping your hips tighter. You let out a soft whine that he immediately swallowed. The kiss is intense and full of lust and neediness. You're unable to fight your urges, an uphill battle. Your hips grind closer to his abdomen and he smiles slyly.

“Oh, sweetheart, don't you start without me.” His hands slide across to your thighs, spreading them over his lap even more. You barely register the sly hand traveling to your dick, before he gives it a harsh grab and you nearly choke. A moan spluttered from your lips and you broke the kiss, looking at him incredulously.

“Look at you.” He hums, possessiveness keeping in fond. “I could just leave you like this, drooling and panting like a fuckin’ dog.”

You could barely stop yourself from whining loudly. You grab onto his sleeves in a silent plea. He laughs and grabs you by the small of your back, pushing you flush against his abdomen. The friction makes you squeal.

“Ask me nicely.” He says lowly.

You swallow down your embarrassment and wrap your hands around his massive shoulders, burying your head in the crook of his neck. You open your mouth to speak, but a harsh hand grabs the back of your head, pulling you away from him.

“Look at me when you're speaking.”

You whine at the hold he has on your hair. He doesn't let go, and you open your mouth to speak again.

“Please, please don't leave me like this… N–Need you…” You feel hot tears well up in your eyes from the pain. He finally lets you go, and your head falls forward onto his chest.

“There's a good boy. Now, let's get you outta these stupid things.” His hands firmly tug your chains around your waist. You nod quickly and begin undoing your costume, throwing off all the accessories. All that was left was the shiny leather bodysuit. You blush. “Um…”

He gives you an inquisitive look. “Yes, baby?”

You swallow. “I… I can't get my zipper.”

He flashes his teeth. “Poor thing. Lemme help you, hm?”

His large hands briefly leave your body, but then skillfully return to your back. Warm fingers trace down your spine, causing your back to arch. He hums appreciatively. His hands slowly pull down the zipper, the sound cutting through the noise of your heavy breathing. You lean into his chest to hide your embarrassment, biting your glossed lip. As the zipper came to its end, Toji pulled the leotard down to your hips.

“Lift your legs up, baby.” He murmured. You raise your hips reluctantly and slide out of the costume, your heels falling off and clattering to the ground. Your now exposed dick twitched weakly and you glance away, embarrassed.

“There we go,” He hums appreciatively. He pulls your hips back down onto his lap, causing you to bounce. A whine escapes you and he chuckles. “I wanna see what I can make you do before I let you go. Now let's make sure you earn every penny I spent on you tonight.”

His voice was smug and arrogant, his hands roughly spreading your thighs. Your hips twitch slightly into his abdomen. He snickers lowly. “Let's see how much more I can make you shake, hm?”

You swallow and nod in lustful agreement. His smirk gets ever wider and he lets one of his scarred hands trails to your dick, already leaking, He wraps his hand around you, and you let out a mewl. He laughs darkly and begins stroking you, his veiny hands feel cool against your feverish skin. Your hips uncontrollably fucking his hand, soft whines continued to escape your throat and your eyes flutter close.

“Hey,” He snaps his free hand in front of your face. Your eyes blink open, hazy from lust. “Don't get shy on me now, sweetheart. I've just started.”

His hand moves faster, and you whine, trying to keep your eyes open. Your long lashes kept fluttering closed, succumbing to the arousal you were feeling. A hot feeling begins to build in your stomach and your hands grasp onto his shoulders. Your breath gets heavier and your moans get whiner.

“Yea? Gonna cum f’me? Be a good lil’ slut?” He asks condescendingly. You nod frantically, rocking your hips I time with his strokes.

“Beg for it.”

His voice was deep and taunting. His hand stops abruptly and he releases his hold. You whine loudly, rocking your hips frantically. Instinctively, your hand goes down to finish. Toji’s hand shot out to stop yours.

“The fuck you think you’re doing? I gave you an order.” His voice was hard, devoid of any previous lust. You flail helplessly on his lap, unintentionally grinding against his boner. He groans, and uses his free hand to slap your inner thigh harshly.

“Stop fuckin moving and answer me, slut.”

The sting makes you whine, and you finally pry your eyes open. “Pl—please… lemme cum…” Another slap causes you to cry out, the pain is a sharp contrast to the pleasure you feel in your core

“Wh—what? I asked nicely…” You pout, desperate for release.

“Yeah, well, I told you to beg. Do they just hire bimbos here?” He says degradingly. Your face goes red with embarrassment and you glance away. He roughly grabs your face, squishing your cheeks together. “You look at me when you're spoken to, got it?”

Your big doe eyes meet his dark pools of green, pupils blown out with lust. Your heart skips a beat and your hips tremble.

“Y—yes…” You mumble out. His arrogant smirk returns.

“Good boy. Now, does my favorite slut wanna cum in my hand or on my cock?” he asks in a renewed sultry manner. Your body jerks forward with his words, your face growing hot. His hand releases your cheeks, cupping your chin instead.

“I— I…” you stammer.

“Hm? I can't hear ya, babe. Speak up.” his deep voice drips with sarcasm, reveling in the way you squeeze your eyes shut in embarrassment.

“Y—your cock… please.” You ask softly, gently open your eyes to be met with a cocky grin. He hums a little.

His free hand drops to the button on his pants, undoing it with ease, his erect member springing up. You gasp slightly at the sheer size of it. It must be 8 inches long, the shaft throbbing and leaking with pre-cum. It rubs gently against yours, causing you to whine at the friction.

“Does the pretty boy likes what he sees?” He asks. You nod, trying not to drool over him. “Look at you. You're like a puppy, drooling all over his treat. You want it?” You nod once, transfixed.

“Gotta earn it baby.” His hand slides down your chin to your throat. “Wanna hear ya beg for me.”

You swallow, feeling his hand trace down your throat to your collarbone. “Please, please, n—need it, please lemme…. Wanna ride it, Daddy—”

The name slips from your mouth, shocking both of you. He paused, stunned for a moment, your hands fly up to your mouth, embarrassment washing over you. “I— Sorry…” You say, muffled. You watch as his eyes darken impossibly so.

“Say that shit again.” He growled.

Your breath catches in your throat, unable to resist his demand.

“D—Daddy…” you mumble.

“Fuck… the shit you do t’me…” He growls and lifts your hips up. “You ready, baby?” He brought the hand that wasn't holding onto your throat to your clenching hole. He presses a finger against the puckered rim. “Gotta prep this slutty hole f'me.” He mutters before pushing inside. The stretch isn't terrible, but it still makes you whine.

“You like that? Think you can take more?” He doesn't wait for an answer before pushing another finger into you. You whine and clutch onto his shoulders, your chest pressed against his.

“Fuck—!” You squeak, your hips rocking back and forth on his fingers. The tip of his fingers touch the bundle of nerves deep inside and you jerk harshly, letting out a shocked moan. “Yea? Right there?”

Before you could say anything, he pressed his fingers into you deeply, hitting your prostate with each thrust. Your mouth drops open and your nails dig into his shoulder blades. Your previous orgasm that fizzled out returned with fire. You whine into his chest, your back arching lewdly.

“D—Daddy… G–gonna—” You warn him in between breathless whines.

“No you're not.” He says firmly, roughly pulling his fingers out and wiping them on your thigh. You squirm in need, accentuated with a slap on your ass.

“Needy fuckin thing arent’cha?”

You whine. Tojis hand gently pressed against your chest, pushing you back from your hold on him. You pout, but he just grins again.

“Gonna put it in.” He says in a low whisper. You can feel his warm breath on your ear. Your body jolts, and you barely have time to react before he's lifting you up by your hips.

“W–wait—! Be gentle…” you say in a lustful whimper. He gives you a predatory look.

“Gentle?” he repeated incredulously, his voice dripping with mockery. “How adorable.”

With that, he shoves his entire length into you at once. A shriek leaves your lips as you feel his cock rearranging your organs. Your hands tightly grab onto his shoulders, your head thrown back in ecstasy. Your orgasm washed over you befroe you could even warn him, hot cum dribbling out of your dick. He ‘tsks’ in disappointment.

“Didn't give you premission to do that, hun.”

You open your mouth to speak, apologize, but he silences you with a rough thrust of his hips. He doesn't give you time to adjust, grabbing your hips and slamming you down onto his dick. Your moans were high pitched and breathy, the pleasure bordering on pain. You try to take control of your hips, trying to slow down.

“T–Toji—!” One of the hands on your hips slap your ass hard. You clench on his dick and he groans.

“Told ya what to call me, didn't I?” He asked, a rhetorical question. You force a swallow down and he begins furiously pounding up into you again.

“Daddy—! T–too fast! Slow—!” Another harsh slap to your other cheek.

“Don't tell me how to fuck you, boy.” He growled before slamming his dick up into your prostate. You scream, the noises ending in porno-grade moans. You couldn't even bother to be quiet anymore, the pleasure lighting all your nerve endings on fire. Another orgasm welled up inside you, and you tried to ask for permission this time.

“Please—! G–gonna—!!” You sob, the pressure nearly becoming too much.

“You better not, fuckin nasty slut.” He mutters darkly, and watches you writhe. You try so hard to keep your orgasm under wraps, but with his dick hitting that special spot that made you see stars, it was an uphill battle.

“Gonna—! I Can't— Daddy, please—!!” You whine out brokenly. His dick twitched inside you at the pet name.

“Fuck, ya gonna cum all over me? Whore.” His words sent your mind spiraling, and you nearly lose yourself. Your eyes roll into the back of you head.

“D—addy, please…” You plead hoarsely.

“Fuck baby, cum all over yourself. Make a mess f’me.” His permission sent you spiraling over the edge. You back arched as your dick shot out hot cum. It dribbled down his abdomen and he made another noise of disapproval. “Gonna ha’fta clean that up.”

You barely register his words, writhing with overstimulation. “Too– too much—! Please—!”

You whine, but it falls on deaf ears. He keeps slamming your hips down onto his, the sound of skin slapping skin echoing through the room and probably down the hall. Your fingers begin clawing at his biceps trying to get him to cease. Pleadin bubbles up and dies in your throat, replaced by whimpers and soft, teary whines.

“Shut the fuck up and take it, why dont’cha.” Another rhetorical question The pain became overwhelming, but Toji didn't show any signs of stopping. “Fuck you're so tight for me. Gonna breed ya, get ya fuckin pregnant.” He growls, and sending another shiver down your spine. Your dick twitched weakly, more pre cum dribbling out of the tip.

After what seems like hours, constant slamming of your hips onto his, his dick twitches harshly inside you. “Fuck, ‘m gonna cum. You'll be good and take all of it, yea?”

Tears flowed down your face, your dick twitching weakly. You nod, breathy moans escaping you.

“Say it. Tell Daddy you'll be a good boy…” He demands, slapping your red ass. You jerk forward and mewl.

“Be… be a good boy for, for Daddy…” You say in between soft moans. He gives you a wolfish grin.

“Good boy. Fuckin’ take all of it.” Was his only warning before his dick exploded with his seed, coating your pink walls white. He presses your hips flush again his, hurrying himself inside you. The sensation made you tip over the edge again, clear cum dribbling out of you. He rocks himself slowly, riding out his orgasm. With a huff, he pulls out, his cum spilling out of you. Quickly, he pushed his fingers back into your hole, causing you to whine.

“You got a plug on ya, baby?” He asked. You shake your head, voice hoarse. He tuts again. “Next time, come more prepared.”

You shudder and nod, exited there would be a 'next time’. He pulls his fingers out and unceremoniously wipes the cum on your thigh. You make a face.

“Oh, be quiet. It's whatcha deserve anyways.” He says coldly. He picks you up and sets you beside him on the couch, buttoning his pants. “Maybe don't be such a nosy eavesdropper next time.”

You had nearly forgotten why he had targeted you in the first places You nod tiredly. He stands up and makes his way toward the door.

“Same time next week. Don't be late.”

[messyhairedhazeleyeddude]

Ache // Yandere! Ticci Toby x

Fem! Reader {SMUT}

[Hello, this will be the first fic that I post. What I'm going to give you guys beforehand is some trigger warnings before we get on to it. Other than that, I hope you enjoy it and give me some feedback whenever you're done if you feel in the mood.]

TW // Violence, r@pe, and a whole lotta mention of murder as always.

𓌏 ☒ 𓌏 ☒ 𓌏 ☒ 𓌏 ☒ 𓌏 ☒ 𓌏 ☒ - First P.O.V

Every day, it started like this. Planted in my bed, tangled in my grey sheets, waiting for that one sliver of motivation to get out of my blankets. My room was a mess. Pieces of clothing scattered across the floor, piling up around my dresser, and hanging off of places I tossed them.

I stared over the rest of what I could see while trying to get rid of the bitter taste of soda left on my tongue from last night. The posters I've collected of my favorite bands clung onto the wall for dear life, fading away from how long they had been there. An empty Sprite can stood on my nightstand, left there after my body decided to have its third caffeine crash this week.

It was getting so warm where I was lying that I was starting to overheat, making me shuffle around to stay cold. That wasn't too hard because of how freezing my room was.

When I looked at my window, I noticed it was cracked open. If I didn't shut it soon, it would get worse. But minutes were melting into each other and I didn't want to get up. Why did I love to procrastinate so much? It shouldn't be this hard to move on with my day.

Silence filled every corner of my apartment, leaving me to peacefully rot. Was it selfish of me to be like this? That's what it felt like they were trying to say when I talked to relatives. But that's the reason why I prefer to be shut-in. I never had to hear that about myself. The world outside would remain indifferent. And hopefully, by the time I had to move, I was swallowed into the Earth below.

A sudden vibration of my phone startled me. I mumbled a barrage of curses and reached for it slowly, furrowing my brows and groaning. I could only pray that it wasn't him trying to contact me.

The last time he visited, I no longer felt safe outside. I would check behind me constantly, feeling as if his light brown eyes were glued to my back, and at any moment, he could come back and chop off my limbs until I was a headless torso. Remembering that he existed caused that horrible anxiety to spread goosebumps across my skin. I was shaking as I tried to unlock my phone.

Hundreds of notifications popped up that I had been ignoring, some of them messages from my mom, and the rest were emails. I almost accidentally clicked on one before I found the most recent. "Return library books today," it read. Fuck, I forgot today was the due date for those. Despite not wanting to, I had to get up. I did promise that if I had a reason to, I would.

I peeled myself from the comfort of my bed. My sheets clung to me like glue, trying to pull me back as if it were a bad idea. Fighting against it, I shivered at the sudden change in temperature and pulled down the bottoms of my shorts so they weren't wedged in between my ass.

After not walking for what felt like forever, I took my first steps, a soreness on my left thigh making me place a hand on my dresser for support. I looked down at a bruise from that encounter, biting my lip to distract myself from thinking about it. I need to take my pills or I'll get suicidal. So many things to do. So overwhelmed.

Encouraging myself in my head, I found the strength to go for the door. I opened it and turned down my hallway, going for the bathroom with quick and light steps.

Many pictures of family and portraits were loosely decorated on the wall, a pit in my stomach opened when I stared at them. I lingered on my dad and had to tear myself away from the picture before I felt the need to cry.

Stumbling into the bathroom, I flicked on the harsh yellow light and stood before the mirror, running a hand through my disheveled hair. I reached for the medicine cabinet, the hinges squeaking as I rummaged through it. I grabbed my medication and popped the bottle open, tossing out a tiny pill into my palm. I swallowed the bitter capsule and cringed as it slowly went down.

Turning my attention to the sink, I turned on the cold water and brought my mouth to the tap to take a sip. Then I splashed it on my face after I was done, relieved that the pill was no longer there. On the counter, I focused on the facewash I hadn't used in god knows how long. I missed the feeling of my face being clean. At least, I can't forget about it now.

I poured the runny liquid into my hands and rubbed them together, slapping it on my face and rubbing it in circles to get deep in my pores. It foamed up a bit and burned. If I'm going to be honest, I don't know if I'm supposed to be using this, but it works.

As I was splashing the water on my face again to clean it off, I opened my eyes to a man staring at me in the mirror, causing me to freeze. I could see the glisten of his goggles from here, that blue hood covering his messy hair, but it didn't contain enough around the edges. It was him. The man who attacked me and my dad a couple of days ago.

A scream clawed its way up my throat, but before the sound could escape, I reached for something. Grab anything to protect myself, that's all I needed to do. But before I could, the room blurred as I twisted, my hand grasping a razor for a split second.

I was torn away from it. I felt a hard impact on my back as I was slammed against the wall, the air forcing out of my lungs in a sharp gasp. I struggled to breathe, my hands grabbing onto his wrists while they dug into my neck.

He had me pinned against it and struggling to get any sort of noise out. Slowly, I was dragged up upward and lifted off of the ground. I choked, my vision was fading as his glare burned into mine. He's going to kill me. Just like he did to Dad. He's going to get away with it. I pulled my head back against the wall before lunging it forward to collide it with the serial killer's, his hands faltering their hold and dropping me from the force of it.

I collapsed to the floor and sputtered out several coughs, hunched up in a ball and desperately trying to regain the oxygen he took from me. My neck felt numb, the indents of his fingers bruising and stung like a bitch.

He crouched down to me. I closed my eyes and thought he would finish it right there. But when I suddenly felt his lips press against mine, they shot back open. Breathing heavily through my nose, I stared at his shut eyelids. I glanced down at his lashes, feeling his breath as he sighed. He relaxed into me for a split second before pulling away, lowering his voice to a rough whisper to introduce himself, "It's nice to meet you finally, {F/N}. The name's Tobias."

Struggling to get myself sitting up, I made it by resting on the wall and using my hands to keep me there. My chest rapidly went up and down as I watched his every move. He backed away a bit, but not enough to give me leverage. I repeated, "Tobias?" And his eyebrow quirked up like he was questioning my reaction.

"I can also go by Toby. Whatever you prefer. But I gave you my full name because I really like you, [F/N]," he added. I knitted my brows and shook my head, unable to understand what he was saying. He liked me? He just kissed me? What the fuck?

I pushed myself away from him and got back up, running for it and successfully escaping the bathroom. The front door was right in front of me, I barely got to reach for it before I felt a hand grab a fistful of my hair. No, I almost had it!

Strands of my hair were ripped out as I was yanked backward and thrown onto the couch, falling onto it and yelping in pain. Tears fell from my eyes and I clutched my head, grabbing the part that hurt the most. A headache was coming on and I couldn't help but rock myself to soothe it. I sobbed, "Leave me alone! Please, just leave me alone..." I twisted myself to let out the rest in the cushions, hearing him approach behind me.

After crying for a bit and nothing was happening to me, I hesitantly lifted myself to take a peek. Toby was sitting next to me, almost as if he was waiting patiently for me to finish. When he saw that I was staring at him, he patted his lap and said, "Here. Rest your pretty head and we can get to talking about this, sweetheart."

I was too scared of him to tell him no. It was the first time I felt pure terror from somebody. Like I would never be able to fight back with him. And I was right. I couldn't. The sad truth was that if my dad had fallen to this man, I'm sure I would live the same fate if I didn't listen. Dragging myself, I cringed while laying my head onto his leg, feeling his hand rest on my head and causing me to flinch. "Sh, sh, I'm not going to hurt you anymore. I told you, I really adore you, [F/N]," he reassured me. A part of me wanted to bite his leg to pieces, but if I went along with this until he fell asleep or left, then I could escape and possibly go to the police.

Deciding to go with it, I pretended to enjoy the warmth and snuggled into him. I wouldn't call it pretending actually, he was pretty warm. Toby hummed and it stayed like this for some time. He kept petting me, brushing my hair out of the way, soothing me from the chase earlier.

Eventually, he got bored of it and nudged me to sit back up. I tilted my head and asked, "What?" His hand went to rest on my lower back, applying pressure around it, pushing me forward until I was easing into sitting on him. A smile crossed his face at the compliance. He seemed intrigued by it.

"I didn't think you would give up this quick. I thought I was going to have to give you a couple more marks for memories," he sounded pleased as both of his arms wrapped around my waist. They were much bigger than mine, with a couple of veins etched up around them like vines, and faded scars littering everywhere on his skin. He had been doing this for years by the looks of it. There was no way in hell I was going to escape, huh?

Placing another kiss on my cheek, soft and gentle, his eyelashes brushed against me before he pulled away to speak again, "Do you know what I've been picturing every night to the thought of you, [F/N]?" His hands dropped lower to skim over my ass, lightly gripping, and dragging me toward him. My breath hitched. I didn't say a word.

Toby answered for me, "I've been picturing taking these off..." His fingers gripped around the waistband of my shorts and teased me about taking them off by pushing them down lightly. Continuing that, he said, "Have you to myself for a couple of hours..."

There were so many reasons why I should say no to him and why I shouldn't allow him to touch me like this. For one, he killed my father. He broke into my house and he was physically violent to me. I felt disgusting that he had gotten to this level too. But, I didn't stop him. I didn't say no and I didn't deny it. I looked into this killer's eyes and I leaned onto his chest, giving into what he wanted

When we kissed for the second time, I noticed how chapped his lips were, and opened my mouth a little to swipe my tongue across his bottom one. Toby tensed up. And without warning, I felt his tongue use the opportunity to have an exchange with mine. I gasped through my nose, the escalation getting worse and worse. A blush began to spread across my face.

He lifted me off of his lap to flip me onto the couch, putting both of his palms by either side of my head. I was back to being pinned underneath him. I don't know what was happening to me. Something was wrong with me, I was sick for this. I was sick... because I enjoyed this.

His sweater and shirt fell to the floor as we fought each other with kisses. His teeth bit into my lower lip and pulled it back while I moved to unbuckle his belt. I was giving in to this. I was really fucking the guy that took away everybody I loved in my life.

Barely in any clothes, we both took a moment to stare at each other, oddly feeling like he was admiring me from how he looked up and down my body. Toby took his time, pressing small pecks across my chest up to my neck, snaking his arms around to my back. He unclipped my bra and slipped it off of me. I wanted to cover myself, but I no longer wanted to move. I didn't have any motivation. There was nothing left to fight for.

The gloves and bandages around his fingers felt weird against my skin especially when he played with my chest. He squeezed one, bit the other, and once he heard a moan slip out of me, he stopped to let me process. He complimented me, his voice a bit raspy like he was fighting the urge to do something to me already, "You look even better so close like this, with how foggy those windows would get. It would make me want to break them and threaten you then and there."

I bit the inside of my cheek and he got closer, hooking onto my panties and pulling them down as a smirk spread on his face. My lack of response didn't concern him. He kept going despite that, throwing the thin fabric somewhere in the room before he looked up at me. His hair was in his face and the eyebags around his eyes told me he was more than dangerous. How many times has he done this?

Toby muttered seriously, breaking me out of the moment, "Who do you belong to?" I blankly gazed at him, watching as he stood up and slowly inched his boxers down. I can't speak. I can't tell him that. More scars appeared, his v-line making my eyes linger, and I got distracted. His dick was let out before I could respond.

My eyes widened and I tried to squeeze my legs shut, but he kept them apart as soon as they moved, holding both of my knees up to my shoulders. I was breathing super fast, my heart raced, and I was feeling the ache in between both of my legs. It was nothing compared to when he positioned himself and pushed the tip inside.

Digging my nails into his arms, I cried out in pain and threw my head back, looking up at his satisfied face. Toby groaned, a laugh following behind it, "You don't have to answer. I'll do it for you." He rammed most of what he could, grabbing both of my thighs so tightly that it was guaranteed to be bruised. I screamed out. He was too rough and too much for me to take like this. It hurt. It fucking ached. I was being drilled into the cushions.

Trying to handle it was impossible. He made it impossible for me. His hips connected as he went deeper, loud slaps coming from it, bouncing off and echoing. I didn't want to think about the neighbors hearing me lose my dignity like this. I didn't want to think about the fact my dad could be witnessing this. But it was starting to feel good. Really fucking good. My eyes rolled to the back of my head and after that, I didn't care anymore.

I wrapped my legs and arms around him, pulling him closer and savoring his dick carving into the parts I didn't know were there. Moaning, swearing, and muttering filled the room. We were getting lost in the bliss and saying whatever was on the mind. Or I was. His name left me a couple of times and so did encouragement, "More.. More, please, Toby!"

Flipping around again when he got a little tired, I gyrated my hips and sat on his lap so I could bounce, sliding up and down until I could feel my walls beginning to squeeze. I was close and this position wasn't helping. I held my breath and Toby took notice, pressing his forehead against mine.

"Let it out for me, baby. Don't be shy," he cooed, sweat dripping down his forehead like he was holding back his own. I bit the inside of my cheek and a desperate moan came out, "Fuuuuuck, cummm with! Please!"

He didn't listen to me and lifted me off of the couch with him, holding me up in the air while guiding me down onto his shaft. I went limp and drool fell down the side of my chin as I buried myself into the crook of his neck, biting it a little to vent out the overwhelming pleasure. Toby didn't let up until a couple of more minutes of fucking me passed and I was fucked out enough that my legs were shaking.

When he was about to cum himself, he set me back down, rushing up to my face to give me a facial. My mouth was open from panting and I caught a bit on my tongue, swallowing it when we were back to locking eyes. The rest landed on my nose, cheeks, and lips. He let out a loud groan as he unwinded, pulling away to see the display once he was done.

I lay there. Used. I lay there for him to stare at. Until he walked away for cleaning supplies. To think about what I was doing. To come back down and face the new reality I was in. I was his now and he was mine. And there was nothing I could do about it.

[rblackdeco]

Early bird

— pairing: remus lupin x gn!reader

— a/n: i need something to get me through my midterms week, so yes this is self-indulgence at its best and/or procrastination at its finest, call it what you want!

— warnings: nothing, just pure fluff for remus <3

Even in your sleepy and dazed state, you can tell Remus is moving. The duvet that falls to his side is a bit of a tell, and your mattress creaks with the weight shift, doesn't matter how subtle. Your arms cling to him, pulling your weight on top of him, his arm automatically going for your waist. You hear his voice, raspy as his eyes flutter open. "Hi, dove." You mumble an answer, or you think you do.

"Don't go..." You can hear Remus smiling, the kind of soft and gentle smile that he always gives in the morning to you. The kind that always makes your heart flutter, like the best part of his day is this, something as simple was waking up by your side. It makes you feel special."Don't plan on, dove, but my classes start in one hour. I have to go if I want to make it on time."

"Fuck classes." You mumble back, frowning at the mention. Your college starts in a little more than an hour too, but for now, you're willing to forget that. For now, there's nothing in the world more important than the arms of your boyfriend wrapping around you, the warmth of his body close to yours. "You can make it in forty, right?" You try again, your head resting on his chest letting you hear to his soft heartbeat. You peek an eye open, the sun lazily casting beams of light through your window.

"I can." He gives in, squeezing you just a little, the slightest pressure of his lips against your head, a kiss of good will. You relent on those. "I rather be early, though, you know?" He asks.

"No." You protest, whining as you close your eyes again. "Ten more minutes, and I'll leave with you." It's not a very good offer, but it's the best you can come up with right now. For Remus, it's the sweetest thing he ever heard. He smiles again, giving you a little nod, although he's not sure you can feel it.

"Alright, sleep a little more, sweet thing." Remus say, softly, running his fingers through your hair gently. Just like that, you give in, your breath in sync to his heartbeat, your fingers stopping tracing patterns on his chest to fall numb as sleep settles into you once again, world in your fingertips.

[your-eternal-lies]

YOU’RE STUCK WITH ME (chapter one)

Main Navigation || Please follow @your-eternal-library for all my fanfiction updates.

PAIRING — Steve Rogers x f!Reader SUMMARY — As his perfectly normal civilian neighbour, you’ve always been secretly curious about the Captain. Getting to know him while trapped together in your building’s elevator, however, definitely wasn’t on the agenda.

WARNINGS — None.

YOU’RE STUCK WITH ME

CHAPTER ONE HELLO, NEIGHBOUR

Steve Rogers stands before the sleek new digital coffee maker on his kitchen counter, his fingers fumbling with the confusing array of buttons. 

“Come on,” he mutters under his breath, blue eyes narrowing in concentration. The machine beeps in protest, flashing symbols that might as well be hieroglyphs for all the sense they make to him. 

Back in his day, he reminisces as he jabs futilely at the modern contraption, all he needed were some grounds, water, and a bit of heat. So, why does this have to be so complicated? 

But the LED display just flickers mockingly at him before flashing an error message, which only adds insult to injury. 

As Steve stands there, engaged in his silent battle with technology, his phone vibrates on the counter. It’s from Natasha, and for a minute, he thinks he’s being called into work. Instead, her words pop up on the screen like tiny grenades: 

Natasha: Have you asked out Sharon yet?  Natasha: She’s cute AND a nurse—practical for a guy who gets shot at for a living.

He sighs, pocketing his phone as he leans against the counter. Sharon is cute, he relents, but asking her out means stepping into unfamiliar territory. 

He tells himself that he can’t afford any distractions, thinking about his duty to SHIELD, about the literal shield that feels a bit heavier with each passing day. After Peggy, Bucky, the ice… he didn’t feel like it was fair to drag an innocent civilian into this crazy life of his. 

A lot of the time he still feels like that awkward and skinny Brooklyn boy, who had never even danced with a woman before, let alone go on a date with one. They had always looked at him with a sad mix of pity and derision, would much rather hang off the arm of someone like Bucky. 

And despite his now… enhanced, shall we say, appearance, the looks of admiration he often gets now just seem to ring hollow. 

He knows Natasha means well. She understands the weight of history he carries in his heart, as she’s got her own demons she fights to keep at bay. So, Steve never faults her for encouraging him to have a life outside of work… even if she doesn’t necessarily take her own advice. 

Well, he knows shockingly little about her, so he doesn’t know that for sure. 

Shaking his head, Steve decides to give the coffee machine one last chance, pushing what he hopes is the right combination of buttons. The machine whirrs affirmatively, and victory seems to be within reach for one hopeful minute—until it sputters pathetically and then goes dark altogether. 

“Ah, forget it!” Giving up, Steve unplugs the machine, deciding that he’ll just have to conquer the world of espresso another day. 

Clad in a simple t-shirt and jeans, a far cry from his Captain America garb, he decides to head downstairs to the Starbucks on the first floor. 

At least there, getting coffee is easy. 

Just down the hallway, you stand before your dresser, rummaging through its contents. 

When your hand finally emerges victorious, it’s clutching the lone survivor of your clean underwear collection—a single polka-dotted testament to your chronic procrastination. 

Laundry day cannot be ignored any longer, not unless you wanted to start fashioning outfits out of your dish towels. 

Resignation slumps your shoulders as you zip around your apartment to gather the scattered attire strewn across the floor, each garment snatched up and tossed unceremoniously into the gaping maw of your laundry basket. 

With the basket brimming, you wedge a hip against it to keep everything contained. You move slowly towards the door, putting on a pair of slippers, only to be stopped by the sound of whimpering coming from your couch. 

“No, Chuck,” you remind your unofficial roommate, a German Shepherd who goes by the name of Charlie—or Chuck, as you prefer to call him. “You can’t come. You are banned from the laundry room after ‘the incident’.” 

But Chuck’s tail continues to wag hopefully, his large brown eyes shining, his head tilted to the side in the very picture of innocence. 

You soften, but only a touch when you remember him peeing all over your freshly washed, neatly folded laundry, meaning you had to start all over again. 

“Nice try, buddy,” you give him a half-hearted glare. He lets out a soft woof, and you swear you see judgment in his eyes as he looks at your leaning tower of laundry. Well, what does he know, the big oaf? He licks his own butt. “Couch fortress until I return, okay?” 

The hallway outside your door is its usual self—stale air, the faint smell of someone’s burnt breakfast, and the muffled echo of someone’s TV playing what sounds like a rerun of I Love Lucy. 

As you round the corner, the hairs on the back of your neck stand at attention. There, leaning against the wall with a casual grace that flies in the face of a man who leaps out of planes and fights aliens for a living, is him. 

Captain America himself, in all his star-spangled glory, waiting for the same ride down to the lobby. 

Oh, no. Nnnnope. 

You are not taking the elevator with Steve freaking Rogers, carrying an arm full of your unwashed unmentionables while dressed in old PJs and a tank top. There is no way! 

The urge to run back to the safety of your apartment is strong, where neither your couch nor your dog have arms that could bench press a Buick. 

Maybe you could step back behind the corner, make a run for the stairwell, or maybe even pull the damn fire alarm—

But it’s too late. He’s heard you, already twisting slightly at his narrowed waist and tossing a glance back at you over his shoulder. 

“Hey, neighbour,” he smiles. Your heart does an unwelcome somersault. 

Well, at least the elevator ride would be quick… right? 

« Series Masterlist || Chapter 2 »

Taglist — My taglist has been discontinued. Please follow @your-eternal-library and turn on notifications for all my fanfiction updates.

Notes — So, to encourage my writing, I’ve decided to make each chapter exactly 1,000 words, no more and no less. It’s harder than I thought it would be! But it also takes the pressure off to hit a longer word count and helps me manage the pacing. I hope you enjoy!

[katelynnwrites]

You Kiss Me In A Way (That’s Gonna Screw Me Up Forever) | Sydney Lohmann

warnings: smut so read at your own discretion

word count: 898

summary: sydney's kisses are something else and have screwed you up forever

a/n: smut for syd that nobody has been writing and that nobody has asked for but was the product of my procrastination yesterday so here you are

Sydney’s always been good at kissing you. She gives tender, loving kisses and soft, affectionate ones. She is amazing at delicate good morning kisses and magnificent ‘I’m sorry’ kisses.

The blonde has gifted you with so many of them over the years. From the messy, exploring ones of your childhood to the smooth and confident ones she grants you with today.

You know she’s spoiled you with them.

She is doing it now, languidly letting her lips slant over yours, leaving you breathless and desperately wanting more.

Her fingers slide themselves into your hair and her hips press against yours in the best way possible.

Syd isn’t a patient person by any means, her collection of yellow cards from arguing with referees can attest to that but she has all the time in the world for you.

Your girlfriend’s lips trace a path down your throat and across your collarbones, drawing needy gasps from you.

She smiles against your skin, moving lower down your body and reaching your stomach.

You tense, your muscles going taunt.

The blonde eagerly scatters more kisses on your exposed skin, adjusting herself as she goes.

Syd eventually reaches the waistband of your sleep shorts and she teasingly slips her fingers under it.

‘Sonnenschein please.’ You whimper.

She laughs, placing placating kisses onto the inside of your thighs.

You groan as she sucks little marks into your skin.

‘Sydney…Sydney please.’ You beg.

Your girlfriend hums, tapping your thigh gently in a way that you know means have patience.

Huffing in frustration, you sink further back into your girlfriend’s bed and bring your arms up to cover your eyes.

‘Hey none of that. I want to see your face.’ The midfielder insists.

She lightly tugs your arms down, giving you one of her ‘I’m sorry’ kisses.

When you open your eyes again, it’s to Sydney smirking cockily down at you.

‘Want to see how pretty you look when I make you come.’

You blush bright pink in response.

The Bayern player then follows it up with teasing kisses and reverent touches, eventually giving you what you want and taking both your shorts and underwear off.

She holds your thighs open, hands both firm and gentle.

‘Love you.’ She promises, right before she properly puts her mouth on you.

Any answer that you were formulating is cut off by the sharp, pleasured gasp that spills forth.

Sydney takes her time, switching between licking and kissing.

Kisses pressed against your clit might be your girlfriend’s way of sending you to heaven.

Your breathy moans of the blonde’s name grow in volume and that spurs her on to fully commit to making you come with her tongue alone.

You are not even aware of your hand finding its way down to Sydney’s head and tugging lightly on her hair until she groans right into you.

The vibrations make you whimper and the German woman takes full advantage. She sucks harshly on your clit, relishing in the way your hips jerk upwards immediately.

‘Syd!’ You cry out.

Your girlfriend continues on, her mouth working wonders. Her hands have tightened their grip on your legs, keeping them as still as she can.

‘Feels so good. S-So good.’ You stutter.

If you weren’t so drawn in by the pleasure the blonde is giving you, you would have rolled your eyes at how pleased she looks with herself.

You moan loudly again as her tongue circles your clit.

The midfielder has completely dedicated herself to your climax now, touching your body in a way only she knows how and pushing you over the edge in a way that only she can.

The whimpers and cries that escape you as soon as that happens make Sydney smile. Her name is mixed into those and she loves how wrecked it sounds as it falls from your lips.

Your girlfriend slowly works you through it, licking you lightly and placing a series of gentle kisses onto your cunt as your thighs tremble around her face.

‘Sonnenschein.’ You sigh contentedly when she finally sits up, wiping your juices off her mouth with the back of her hand.

She grins widely, moving to lie down beside you as you catch your breath. Sydney reaches for your hand and intertwines her fingers with yours, bringing your hand up to her lips so that she can place a kiss onto the back of your palm.

That’s another kind of kiss that she loves giving you.

It’s subtle enough that she can do it on the pitch and on team walks so she does so all the time.

Sydney has ruined you with her kisses, properly screwed you up forever with them.

She has the ability to make your heart race, to steal the air right out of your lungs and to comfort you with them.

You’ll never be able to kiss anyone who isn’t her because there is no one who will be able to make you feel the way you do when your girlfriend kisses you.

She makes you feel safe, protected, cherished and loved. So incredibly loved that it’s like you are the only girl in the whole world.

When your chest finally rises and falls evenly, you squeeze the blonde’s hand before moving to straddle her.

Syd’s pretty eyes widen considerably and you giggle.

‘It’s my turn to help you out of your clothes now no?’

German Translation:

sonnenschein - sunshine

[fyodorloveclub]

APRIL 29TH

✰ pairing: chuuya x fem reader

✰ cw: cheating, alcohol, drunk reader, vaginal sex, semi-public. 18+, minors DNI!

✰ notes: continuing my tradition of writing lil blurbs for my boy's birthdays but being such a horrible procrastinator its always posted like hours too late :) anyway this is a bit angsty! hope u enjoy. and everyone blow a birthday kiss for the birthday boy chuuya. based off high infidelity by taylor swift, bc it's too fucking perfect how could i not. lyrics in red :)

✰ wc: 900 words

Do you really want to know where I was April 29th?

Chuuya’s birthday. The music was too loud, the room was too crowded, the drinks were too strong, but the grip he had on your waist was just right. He smirked as your hips swayed to the music and you giggled at nothing, throwing your arms around his neck. The two of you had never really spoken before, only brief conversations in passing - but right now his hand was drifting down past your hips, and you weren’t stopping it.

Your invitation to this party was very intentional. The sole reason Chuuya agreed to this whole bullshit celebration, anyway – if it were up to him, he’d be on his couch alone, shitfaced on a bottle of 1947 Château Lafite Rothschild and watching chick flicks no one else was allowed to know he enjoyed. But right now, Chuuya was stone cold sober. He needed to be of the soundest mind to obtain the only thing he wanted for his birthday: you.

He had to approach this situation very carefully, without a drop of alcohol in his system. Why? Because you had a boyfriend. But the candles had already been blown out, the birthday wish sent to the heavens – he couldn’t help what the universe put into place at this point. And he had touched himself too many times to the thought of you underneath him to give up now.

Do I really have to chart the constellations in his eyes?

Your head swam and body floated as you fell against Chuuya’s chest on the dance floor, the stuffy air and uncontrollable giggling making it hard to breathe. You pulled back so you could properly take in the man you were dancing with. The man who wasn’t your boyfriend. The man who wasn’t Dazai.

His red hair resembled fire, glowing from the blinding lights littered throughout the house, and his charming smile made your insides turn. He was a beautiful, beautiful man, one who had always caught your attention. You never let your gaze linger for too long, knowing Dazai was waiting at home for you.

But Chuuya’s most mesmerizing feature was his eyes. The flecks of gold hidden within the sea of blue resembled stars, and you found yourself webbing them together. To Chuuya, it just looked like you staring at him blankly, glossy-eyed and mouth slightly open.

“Whatcha lookin’ at, love?”

“I found the Taurus in your eyes,” you responded like it was the most obvious thing in the world, your smile lopsided.

Chuuya just chuckled and smoothly slid your drink out of your hands, figuring you had had enough for the night. Then he leaned in close to whisper something in your ear.

“Follow me, won’t you?”

He intertwined his fingers with yours before leading you out onto the secluded balcony he knew was attached to the second floor. The cool night air that hit your face was sobering, but not enough to resist the way Chuuya backed you against the rail. The metal dug into your back as he pressed his lips against yours, tangling his slender fingers into your hair. It was bad how easily you melted into the kiss, how little of a fight you put up against this man kissing you who wasn’t Dazai, but somehow, you couldn’t find it in you to care. Not with how electrifying his touch felt against your skin.

The moon was nothing but a sliver that night, the only light illuminating your sins coming from the stars above. But somehow, that felt right.

Do I really have to tell you how he brought me back to life?

“Bet he never fucks you this good, huh?” Chuuya groaned into your ear, voice deep and raspy.

You could only moan in response, your grip on the cold railing tightening as he takes you from the back. Your dress had been pulled up and panties tugged to the ground to allow for his cock to bully its way into your all too welcoming cunt. Silent prayers and wishes for forgiveness left your lips as he pushed past your tight ring of muscle, but soon were forgotten as he bottomed out.

The music and chaos of the party below you were barely audible anymore, drowned out by the sounds of skin on skin, and the feeling of Chuuya’s cock rubbing against your sweet spot again and again. He had one hand on the railing for leverage, the other leaving bruises on your hip as he pounded into you.

“Please, more,” you found yourself whining, saliva gathering at the corners of your lips. Chuuya smirked.

“Of course, baby.”

Soon his hand was underneath your knee to hike your leg up, allowing for him to fuck you at an even better angle, and you were putty in his hands. Chuuya was almost holding you up at this point, so overwhelmed and so full your body was about to give out.

All too soon you were left empty, save for the sticky white that trickled down your inner thighs and onto the hardwood of the balcony. Chuuya squatted down to help you pull up your underwear and adjust your dress, before trapping you against the metal rail once more, arms closing around you and teeth finding your earlobe.

“Come home with me, darling.”

I didn’t know you were keeping count.

[astroyongie]

Why Am I This Way - Psychology Answers

Note: hey guys! This will be a little series post mainly based on psychology. In order for me to congratulate myself for finally achieving my masters in clinical psychology I have decided to create these mini posts that will contain different questions that we often ask ourselves. In these questions I will provide psychological answers in which they will hopefully bring you a sense of understanding on yourself! Enjoy!

Note 2: This first Why Am I This Way will be based on the “How Am I” Section. Other sessions will include “Why do I behave this way?”, “How Others see me”, “What's Happening” and “How can I get better?”

This section will have the following parts: “I know I shouldn't but.. can I have another piece of cake?”; “I love to be alone.. am I weird?”; “Why do I procrastinate so much’”; “ Am I really a good person?”; “ I was just joking!”, “Why does it always happen to me?”, “Why do I hate working so much?” and “Should I be more egocentric?” 

With that said, let's dive into it! 

“How Am I” Section

“I know I shouldn't but.. can I have another piece of cake?”

What happens in the unconscious brain: 

Based on Freud’s work, these type of questions that overwhelm us are usually thoughts linked with pent up guilt that is unconsciously working its way out

One thing is clear. Often, we don't realize the things that we think and we don't always understand our actions and our behaviors. When we stop to reflect on it, we are usually stuck in a sense of guilt for doing things that are against our values and morals and yet we cannot understand why we have done things that way. 

Based on the most known theories of Freud, the ID and the superego (based on ID, EGO and SUPEREGO Theory) are actually the ones that are behind these guilty feelings of  “should i do this or not, even if i know that i will regret it later”. 

ID is the mind that is first formed when we are born. It is something rigid on our unconscious, something that is based on the principle of pleasure. The ID is constantly seeking gratification and pleasure in order to smooth our anguish within one self.

The superEgo is different, it is the last thing that is formatted in the unconscious (after the Ego) and it works on the principle of the world’s rules. Basically it is a part of us that comprehends the world around us and it tries to follow the rules and the interdictions that were instructed when we were younger. 

Now this is why many of us struggles with this. Having craving desires about something, and that guilty feeling coming from the Superego because we have internalized that what we want is wrong. 

Someone that has had a harsh childhood, who has been neglected or has seen their rules being too strict will often struggle with this, because they need to have their ID smoothed but they cannot bear the guilt. 

This is what happens: ID wants to be fed with something comforting. Chocolate! so it stays in your head “let's have chocolate!” and the superego will whiplash right after “are you crazy? Having chocolate? you cant even fit in your pants and you want chocolate! you should be ashamed of yourself!”

This is basically how overthinking your worth will work, how one often develops Eating disorders for example or bad relationships with food, but this also happens with social relationships, addictions and any reward system. 

The fear of the outside world usually unleashed that overwhelming anxiety that will after turn into guilt if you give in to your ID or it turns into restrictive punishment if you follow the Superego. 

Many of us will put so much effort into controlling impulsive destructive thoughts  and behaviors in order to muffle the critics of Superego but that often results in depression, anxiety and an affinity with other psychological problems. 

So what can we do?

understand where those desires come from. If your ID is making you crave something, either food, social contact, a new dress, a new drink or anything that it is, ask yourself where this feeling comes from? Are you bored? are you sad? are you upset? Are you overly excited? understanding that process and allowing yourself not to be psychorigid is already a big improvement. find balance between rewarding yourself and being true to your rules. Also stop punishing yourself, You have done nothing wrong. You deserve to be happy and smoothed the same way you deserve to go beyond your addictions

Understand in which you fall. If you are the type to crave in in your desires it means these possibilities: Early trauma ou neglect, environmental stressors, maladaptive coping mechanism,, substance abuse, personality disorders, lack of emotional regulation skills and cultural and social influences 

If you fall in the fragil superego, if you are too strict with yourself, it means these possibilities: weak parental influence, traumatic experience, overly harsh and permissive parenting, lack of role model, cultural influence, early childhood experiences like rejection and personality disorders. 

For those who have balance between giving in desires and restraining, then congrats! You are a rather healthy being

Now that you know this, you have a start on where to work to become a better version of yourself 

[idle-daydreams]

Howl

[Diviner!Kunikida x Yokai!Reader]

Tw: Slow-burn yandere, obsession, kidnapping, dub-con

[A.N: This was supposed to be for Halloween. My procrastination levels are *chef's kiss*]

The reports said that it was a yokai epidemic. Spirits taking on the form of beautiful women to seduce the locals and feed upon their energies. As a young but promising Onmyoji at court, Kunikida was sent in to deal with the mess.

Kunikida wasn’t too happy about this. For one thing, it cut into his already established schedule. “But I must do my job,” he told himself as he set off. The journey was long, the road hard; and when Kunikida arrived, he found the locals scared and mistrustful of “the man from the capital”. Ignoring this lack of a warm welcome – welcomes were irrelevant to his job, after all – he set about gathering information, determining that the yokai were likeliest to appear in the surrounding forest late at night.

And so that night, as the full moon rose, Kunikida set off into the forest.

The chittering and cries of woodland creatures filled the air; the rustle and sigh of the trees set his teeth on edge. He could appreciate the beauty of nature as much as the next man, but the fact was obvious that finding anything in there would be like searching for a needle in a haystack.

“I mustn't let petty things bother me,” he told himself sternly. “My job is to protect the locals from the yokai. If it takes time, then so be it.”

A faint sound came to his ears, different from the muted din of the forest. It was laughter. Women’s laughter.

Kunikida paused, ears prickling. There was the faint splashing of water, the murmur of the breeze... and another silvery peal of laughter from his right.

Dropping to his haunches, he crept along towards the source of the sound. Beyond a tall thicket was a large clearing with a small pond. Several women sat in a circle upon the dew-strewn grass, laughing and playing with a silver ball.

Yokai.

They couldn’t be anything else. Their skin was translucent, their shining hair loose, their nails a little too long to be normal. Kunikida drew a sharp breath and made to begin the dispelling incantation. But before he could do so, the yokais’ heads snapped towards him. Quick as a flash, they fled into the forest.

“Damn it!”

Kunikida chased after them. They’d run off in different directions, so he chose the one at random, reciting the incantation under his breath. Something caught at his foot, however, sending him crashing to the ground. A shadow fell over him. He looked up. One of the yokai stood over him, draped in a blood-red kimono.

You.

Your hair shadowed your face, your eyes gleaming with a strange light. Before Kunikida could do anything - before he could move or even think - you leaned over him and pressed a chaste kiss to his lips.

Time stopped.

Your lips were soft and sweet against his, as delicate as a rosebud in its first bloom. You smelled of sandalwood and spices, overpowering his senses. The world darkened for a minute, fading away before your beauty and brilliance; he closed his eyes, letting the ecstasy take him.

When he opened his eyes, you were gone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kunikida returned to his quarters in a daze.

‘It seems that the yokai got the best of me,’ he wrote in his notebook, as the rising sun lightened the skies. ‘Everything after the... encounter is a blur. I must be more wary of them in the future.’

Then he closed his notebook and sat staring out the window.

He could remember everything quite vividly - your scent, the colour of your hair, the feel of his skin against his own. His cheeks reddened even now as he recalled just how sweet the kiss had felt. The villagers had given him a place at the very edge of the village, little more than a shack that overlooked the forest. As he eyed the trees, he imagined you kissing another man that same way.

Irritation pricked at him, sudden and sharp. He bit his lip and reopened his notebook.

‘The locals are in grave danger,’ he wrote. ‘Until these yokai are expelled. It could be that the woman I met - the yokai I met - was preternaturally strong, but until there is evidence to the contrary, I must assume her strength as an average of their power. And... she did have power. I can still feel her enchantment upon me. I have the training to understand it for what it is, but others may not be so lucky.’

He closed his notebook again, tracing the “Ideal” written on the cover. Kunikida didn’t want anyone to get hurt, not when he could stop the cause. Yet for some reason, coming face to face with you terrified him in a way few things ever had. He’d faced demons before, but never once had they held any sway upon him.

“It is only an enchantment,” he muttered, rubbing his forehead. “I should cleanse myself, and cast more wards to protect myself against future attacks. Running away is not an option, of course.”

But an entire morning performing prayers and rituals did little to drive you from his thoughts. By midday, he irritably decided that he’d done enough to protect himself, and stomped off into the forest to begin tracking you and your friends down. He searched and searched and searched, driven by a manic energy he couldn’t quite explain - he tried to convince himself that it was only his impatience, but some other emotion lingered at the back of his mind that he didn’t want to think about - until the sun disappeared and the moon reigned over the sky. Sweaty and exhausted, Kunikida came to an old torii and sank down upon the steps leading up to the shrine.

“This is ridiculous,” he huffed. “Her signs are everywhere.”

“Who are you talking to?”

Kunikida tensed, then turned. There, up on the steps framed by the full moon, you stood triumphant.

“Hello,” you called. You’ve returned, Diviner.”

“I have,” he said, ignoring the fluttering in his heart.

“Come back for a more?”

“No.” His face heated up. “I am here to banish you and your friends to the Underworld.”

Really?”

There was a teasing note in your voice. Kunikida’s heart skipped a beat, and he clutched the talisman under his shirt. You were working your power on him again. He could feel it, by the way his heart was drawn to yours. “Enough of this,” he said, raising his hand to perform the necessary mudra.

“Sounds like entirely too much effort.”

You came closer, a coy smile playing about your lips. You were just as lovely as he remembered, a being of moonlight and the autumn air; he wanted to reach out and touch you, to see if you were real or a figment of his imagination. Reluctance seized him, making him pause his chant. 

“Stay back,” he said, his throat dry. “I am not afraid of you.”

“I don’t think its fear that’s stopping you.”

You brushed your knuckles against his cheek. Kunikida tilted his head towards your hand, taking in the warmth and pressure of your skin against his own. Slowly, gently, even unwillingly, he reached up and cupped your hand with his own.

“Come with me,” you whispered, taking his hand.

It was wrong. Kunikida knew it was wrong. But a veil of madness seemed to have descended upon his mind, clouding it with a miasma of delight. Vaguely, he was aware of you leading him away into the forest; then, your arms were around his neck, your lips on his, your body pressed against his own. Your tongue darted into his mouth, and he moaned.

He let you push him to the ground, straddling him. Swiftly, you slipped off your kimono, allowing him to gaze greedily upon your unclothed form.

“This is wrong,” he whispered.

“Hush,” you said, placing your hands upon his bare chest. “Do you want me?”

He looked at you. “Yes.”

You smiled and let him take you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It became a routine, a secret, shameful addiction. Every night, Kunikida would return, drawn to you like a moth to a flame. Each night, he would surrender himself to you, losing himself in a haze of ecstasy and delight that lasted until morning. All that passed in between was a blur - your body beneath him, your head thrown back, your body writhing with pure, unadulterated pleasure - dreams more suited to a teenage boy than a full-grown man. He would press entreaties and hopes upon your skin, babbling to you for hours about his ideals, his hopes and his dreams, all those things that he would never reveal to other humans.

During the mornings, however, shame would overwhelm him. He was failing his duty, failing the people who’d placed his trust upon him. He would spend hours praying and trying to cleanse himself, even while thoughts of you danced around in his mind. On top of that, his strength was failing, reminding him that no matter how soft and sweet you seemed, you were still a yokai feeding off of him. But through the shame and self-loathing, a darker side of him started to emerge. A part that no longer cared about his failing duty, that was proud of the fact that you fed upon him alone. The thought of you taking another lover made his blood boil.

‘I need to put a stop to all of it,’ he wrote feverishly in his notebook. ‘These women – these yokai – they cannot be allowed to harm the people any longer. I cannot allow it.’

But at the same time, he didn’t want it all to end. When was the last time he’d ever felt this happy – this alive? You were everything. The beat in his veins, the breath in his lungs, the fire in his heart. You made him feel alive, in a way no one else ever could.

A dark thought began to coalesce in head, one that scared him to even put on paper.

“You’ve been here a while now,” you said to him one night as the two of you lay upon the forest floor. “The moon was full the first night we met, and its full now. I thought you wanted to banish me and my sisters, Diviner?’

“I did,” Kunikida said slowly, gazing up at the sky. “You know full well what you’re doing, [Y/N].”

“I didn’t realize just how good I am,” you said with a small laugh. “But really, if you can’t handle it, then you should go back to the capital. You won’t last long if you stay with me.”

“Why?” he said with a sudden twinge of panic. “Are you tired of me? Is there someone else whose energy you prefer?”

“No, no, that’s not it,” you said quickly, ruffling his hair. “But if you stay with me any longer, you’ll die. I don’t want that.”

“No?”

His heart soared at your words. But you simply shrugged and continued. “Me and my sisters... we don’t want to kill humans, we don’t hate them. But humans are too frail, they die too easily. Its an unfortunate reality of this world.”

Kunikida propped himself up on one elbow to look at you. You were still as beautiful as ever, but there was more to you now: you were graceful, kind and understanding, beyond what any human woman could ever hope to be.

Ideal. You were his ideal woman.

And you wanted to leave him.

“Even if you don’t voluntarily kill them, you’re still a threat,” he said, pursing his lips. “I can’t leave until I banish you all.”

“Then do it.”

“What?”

You shrugged. “This world isn’t fun any more. Its too grey, too depressing. And like I said, humans are too fragile. I-” you took his hand, pressing it to your chest- “will miss you. But if you care about me, please give me and my sisters with safe passage to the Underworld.”

No. No, no, no. Kunikida wanted to scream. He opened his mouth, then paused upon noting the troubled look in your eyes. “I see,” he said instead, schooling his face into a mask of indifference.

“Are you all right with that?” you asked.

“I’ll be fine. I just... wish you hadn’t tired of me.”

“Kunikida-”

“I will do what you ask,” he interrupted. “Just give me till tomorrow. Its the full moon, right? It’ll be a good night for the ceremony.”

You fell silent, but he could see the relief in your eyes. Revulsion roiled within him at what he had become, but he was too far gone to back down now.

“Tomorrow,” he repeated. “I will open the gates to the Underworld.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You felt nervous. Your sisters milled about inside the shrine, just where you’d promised Kunikida you’d be. Though the autumn moon was full tonight, its full splendour was masked by the clouds - a bad omen if you’d ever saw one.

He had to be here. You didn’t know how to get to the Underworld by yourself, an oversight you were bitterly regretting now. There was much to regret about your ill-planned excursion, the chief of which was your dalliance with Kunikida. He was a strong Diviner, with an iron will; far more than what you’d thought you could handle.

 There were footsteps outside. Tension tightened in your stomach like a bowstring. Kunikida appeared in the door, and you let out a sigh of relief.

“Kunikida,” you said, hurrying to him. “Thank you for coming.”

“I said that I would be here,” he answered. “You need my help, don’t you.”

His face was pale and hard, his expression set. Looking at him, you felt another twinge of anxiety. “Are you sure you will be all right?” you asked. “We’ve had a rather intense time together.”

“I’ll be fine.” He gestured for you to join your sisters. You went to them, watching him in silence as he began the ritual to open the gates of the Underworld. You still weren’t sure of his feelings - Kunikida was difficult to read, even for a human. One moment he could be soft and kind, the stoic and harsh. Either way, you were glad to be going home.

A blinding light emanated from the floor as the gates began to open. Your sisters cheered up, hurrying to pass to the other side. You made to pass through as well, when Kunikida called out to you.

“[Y/N]”

You paused and looked at him. There was raw pain etched upon his face.

“I’m sorry,” you said, helplessly. “I wish we hadn’t come here. I wish I hadn’t put you through everything. You weren’t supposed to, you know. Most people are so badly affected by being around us that they don’t even think of crossing our path again.”

“I know.” He held out his hand. “Just... please let me touch you one more time.”

You hesitated. Surely no harm could come from that? Cautiously, you reached out to him, intending to do no more than to pat his hand.

He grabbed your wrist.

The gate slammed shut.

Darkness fell as the light was cut off.

“What—agh!”

You scream as plain lancinated up your arm, spreading through your body in wracking waves. You collapsed to your knees, barely able to think or scream, as your power was ripped from you.

“I’m sorry.” Kunikida knelt next to you, his expression pained. “But I had to do what was necessary.”

Wrenching your eyes away from him to his hand. There was a small woodblock stamp hidden in his palm, a binding symbol carved upon it. There was a corresponding symbol stamped upon your wrist.

“You—” you grimaced. “You’ve bound me.”

“I have.” Quickly, he wrenched your kimono off of you. “I’m sorry, but I cannot let you go. You have to stay with me forever.”

“I—”

“I will not allow anything else.”

He pulled a rough, homespun robe upon your shoulders. Human clothes. As the pain began to subside, the realization of what he was doing – of what he’d done – dawned upon you..

“No.” You weakly tried to push him away, tears welling in your eyes. “No, I won’t let you!”

“Let me?” Kunikida’s expression hardened. Pain flared once again in your head, making you scream. “There isn’t anything you can do to stop me.”

“But why? I thought you wanted to be rid of me!”

He shook his head, eyes dark, pulling into a smothering embrace. “[Y/N], I love you. I never want to be rid of you again.”

[captainjacklyn]

So this is part two of my first sagau post, I could turn this in a more detailed fic but knowing that it'll remain in my drafts to catch dust. I think I'll go against it and just give brief ideas for anyone who doesn't have my procrastination problem.

Now I was pretty vague about the other Primordials who watch over different realms as well as Teyvat. But I decided to give them their respective names and personalities (I suppose you can consider them OCs?) just so that we don't get too confused about the whole thing..

For a first born you have Barabath, at current times he's now an empty shell. He was the first realm to ever be created by you, born from an explosion of gas. And out of it poured a thousand dragons who all drank the fire of the first ever sun And yes I did steal that part from game of thrones, sue me. Each every one of them proceeded to descend upon their respective home, all seven of them forged from calamity. The world inhabited Erkanos (guardian of the earth), Belzo (guardian of the sky & stars), Lystéria (guardian of air & moisture), Akarnis (guardian of life), Erghyr (guardian of the mind), Steparyd (guardian of magic) and Valvers (guardian of decay). A war erupted between these gigantic yet majestic beast after your physical descent upon the lands. Their abilities were so great that it only doomed the realm after their final attack annihilated all that was left.

The second child did not end up passing like the former, you had managed to save him when disaster struck upon him. His name is Larbosa, and he is known as the god of wisdom, strength and honor. It was then that the first humans were created. So when you descended once more, they welcomed you with joy and love. But as centuries passed and wars for conquering broke out, people forgot about their creator to the point where all you became was a prize to win. You were sheltered in one of the old temples, its priestesses looked after you every passing millennium. Not as their creator, but as a simple individual who needed a place to stay. You were subsequently sold off to marry a warlord (do you see where this is going?), had three sons with him (whatever your gender is doesn't matter cause you are quite literally capable of anything), he passed, you took over, fell in love with a mortal who devoted him to you, he died, your mortal sons all perished in battle and once the people captured you, they dubbed you AN IMPOSTOR AND DISGRACE TO THE ALMIGHTY THEMSELF you were beheaded.

...

Yuh.

So what your children do when you die is that, your body will disintegrate and just turn into nothing. Then in order to in a sence 'reincarnate' you back into god hood, the realm needs to open itself and sacrifice its own part of you to rebuild you. You saved him because, you're the primordial why could you not, the first son is dead and you learn from your mistakes as a parent/jk. Larbosa is righteous and dutiful, as the second ever world to be created he takes great responsibility in aiding you. Most of the acolytes who follow him learn how to live a life of authority and perseverance through hard work. Like his second sister, he either speaks when spoken to or whenever something needs to be told. Dude is protective, will shove his arm so far up an enemy's ass it'll reach out of their mouth and wear them like a sleeve.

...Yarrhh I'm not cool today.

THIRD KID- THIS ONES A WOMAN! We have Alysia, goddess of love, beauty, and hatred. She's heavily based off of Hathor from Ennead, Aphrodite and Hera with a double personality. Because on one side she is the embodiment of what the 'ideal woman' was expected to be back in the olden days but on the other, her negative side goes against that entire facade of purity. One thing that she favors above anything else is lust, she loves toying with mortals and sees them as beings beneath her. Meanwhile you look after them like your own infants and it's something she uses to manipulate said mortals whenever they go against her judgement. Although she is is typically bright and cheery in public, she easily becomes flustered, particularly around strong beings, or when awkward situations occur. She does indeed become furious when people disrespect her or when she doesn't get her way. The only one who she holds the greatest respect for is her creator YOU, she is highly protective of YOU and will get frustrated when people use her love for YOU as a way to blackmail her. Alysia deeply cherishes her siblings though she has a tendency to call her younger sister a heartless little sh- they all get along, especially with Larbosa.

Second daughter I've mentioned in the past, holds the title of Cymbalia. Her people were known for their truthful justifications and judgment. They knew not of the creator as you were afraid that showing yourself to its collectives would cause yet another loss. Cymbalia, however, was fully aware of her birth-giver’s existence so she chose to be reborn in order to regain their godhood. Though she continued to watch over her people. This had been the first realm to survive complete wipe out but at the cost of being ignorant to your love for them. Cymbalia is mainly stern and focused, and she also often stands up to other powerful gods, like the former : Alysia or Larbosa. She isn’t afraid to speak her mind and utter her words of judgement at any given situation, this trait isn’t appreciated by her older sister who considers her a stickler for the rules. Cymbalia speaks in a assertive tone to display her power to those around her, whether it be a younger sibling or a simple acolyte. She can get especially irritating when commanding people, blackmailing them into obeying her orders. Strangely enough, she favors souls that go against the rules to reach new lengths, people like Il Dottore who quite literally break the laws of life. Goddess of Harmony, Truth and Justice.

Rhymar was the fourth attempt, once again unsuccessful. It only inhabited dry land with no life whatsoever, Rhymar felt insanely bored and began creating their own creatures which unfortunately resulted in a never ending time loop. You tried to help your child but Rhymar ended up insisting on their plans pushing its boundaries so far that the realm began to close in on itself (this was when the multiverse was created, Rhymar controlled the essence of time within himself and could rewind any event they deemed unfruitful). Leaving you no choice but to rebirth them and have their being ascend into godhood as well. Rhymar is quite sarcastic and unfazed, they are more sassy than straightforward. This was shown when you once tried to cheer up Alysia by telling her that she was doing a wonderful job but Rhymar had a change of heart and instead commented with : “I’d say no.” making their older sister feel terrible. Unafraid of defying the rules simply because they feel like doing so, Rhymar was baptized as the troublemaker in the family. When needing to apologize for anything they are stubborn enough to refuse unless their mother comes to them, requesting otherwise. They're the youngest kid, the most chaotic and the god of God of abundance, fertility and foresight.

so..

yeah.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAGHCHCGHCGCHCGHHCCCGEEEEUUUUUUUUGH-

[legalkimchi]

Geopolitics is not what you think.

It is interesting to me that how we view issues of global politics and how academics and certain political actors view the issues have such a huge separation.

For instance, when people view the russian invasion of ukraine, they think of a simple power grab, or they don't understand why russia would want to do that.

When i was talking to a friend, who is a geopolitical expert, about the russian war against ukraine, he pulled out a topographical map of europe. Geopolitics is the study of how geography affects politics. it is NOT a general term for international politics.

The easy answer is Russia's need for a warm water port. If you know russia's borders, you would know that all of it's major ports are in the north and they freeze in the winter. They don't have a good port in the black sea that stays unfrozen. Sevastopol is the port in Crimea. While technically Ukrainian territory, it has been controlled by Russia since 2014.

The second point he made was looking at the moutains. See the map above. Then let's look at a map of the warsaw pact

Understanding moutain ranges and how they are defensible, you start to see why NATO and the Warsaw pact involved those specific countries. it creates a natural bottle neck in Germany. This also goes into why Poland gets invaded so much. it is a flat territory without natural boundaries that makes it easy to attack, and if you want your border to be a mountain you have to go through Poland. Without the countries to make up its borders anymore, Russia lacks natural boundaries. Instead of the carpathian mountains, they have simple grassland.

Then you talk to demographers as to why russia is aggressive, you see that since the end of the cold war, russia's death rate has exceeded it's birth rate. this causes a decline in population and a "demographic crisis." the average age in russia is over 40 years old. this stagnation has rippling effects throughout the country. with an older workforce, they don't have a surplus younger generation to pay for the care of the older generation. they are experiencing migration out of the country of individuals with experience and education needed in the country. They are, in short, a nation in panic.

In the international relations field, you see discussions of the lack of political influence. Russia once held a spot as one of two superpowers in the world. a regional giant who's influence shook the way international politics operated. From 1950-1989 there were really only two countries in the world that everyone needed to pay attention to: the Soviet Union and the United States. everyone else was a pawn. There was the First world, the US and her allies, the Second World, the Soviet Union and her allies, and the Third world, the non-aligned nations. (which, by the way, is where that phrase came from. a "third world" country was thought as a country so unimportant, neither the US or USSR cared about you.) in this climate, Russian, who still held what was considered the second most powerful military in the world (though... not so much now) felt they were under appreciated. China was the emerging economic powerhouse.

This is something i went into in my IR video. (as i have an IR background)

What is amazing about all this analysis is that different fields point to different reasons as to why russia invaded. and similar analysis could be done other regions. any conflict can be analyzed in this manner. the disputes in africa are interesting because the easy answer to why there are so many wars in africa is "colonialism." and i think it does make a useful, simplified solution. but it foregoes the other realms of analysis as to why these conflicts are happening.

not sure what made me procrastinate on making a video and writing this out. i needed a break from editing. I hope you found this interesting.

[junipers-archive]

Hi !!! I love your fics so much! They make me physically feel things and that’s the best feeling 🥹 if you do requests could you write something with Spencer where his gf is still at uni and just really overwhelmed with studying or writing stuff because she procrastinates do badly and she like blames herself but he makes it all better and looks after her ?🥹

Thank you sm!! honestly I needed this bc I've been over-working myself too :')

You were tired, no, beyond tried you were drained, worn out and fatigued. But to be fair, it was your own fault, you were the one who had insisted on persuing a phd, but unlike Spencer it was your first one. And you didn't think it'd be this hard.

But thats beside the fact, as of current you were on your way to meet said boyfriend for lunch.

When you finally get to the agreed resturaunt you can barley hold yourself up, it'd been a tough night you'd had three exams upcoming and you'd unwisely decided to pull an all-nighter.

When you see him a wave of relief follows as you basically flop against him. And maybe its the way you start to shake or the silent sighs you let out while clinging to him but you don't realize he's led you back to your car until you look up.

"Where are your keys?" he's looking down at you with a concerned expression and you can't hold back your tears now.

"W-what are you doing?"

He tilts his head like you've said the most absurd thing in the world, finding the keys in your purse and opening the car.

Once you're both inside he finally answers, "We are going home."

You feel terrible, all he wanted to do was eat lunch, he took time out of his busy schedule and now he has to take care of you?

"You-You don't have to Spence, I-I'm sorry, I just, I had a hard time studying because my professor she wanted an essay by the end of the week and I procrastinated and it's all my fault i'm so stupid-"

He silences you as he puts his hand over yours, reaching over as he drives you both home, squeezing it comfortingly.

"I know. I know Y/n, I was a phd student too and I know. And you're not stupid, you're just tired. It's okay to be tired."

Those words alone make your heart clench.

When you get home to your shared apartment he carries you bridal style despite your attempts to disuade him.

He lays you down on your couch, placing the fluffiest blanket you own on top. Kissing your forehead as he relieves you of his warm arms.

"I'll be right back." You're about to argue for him to go back to work but he pecks your lips, letting them linger sweetly before you can.

He returns with his hands filled with your favorite tea, two facemasks, an entire cookie can, a menu and more.

About to question him he answers like he can read your mind,

"For take out! Remember that Chinese place we were looking at?"

He sits down on the other side of the comfy sage couch, lifting your feet to rest on his lap and replacing your thin no-show socks with fuzzy penguin ones, turning on the tv he hands you the remote.

The tea is placed beside you on the coffee table, the cookie can sits between you and once he orders from the menu he helps you apply the face masks.

Funnily enough he grabbed the only ones you had that were animal themed, and when you're both 'exfoliating' and relaxing he looks like panda and you a duckling.

You watch 'Star Wars: Return Of The Jedi' and he answers the door when the takeout gets there.

As you're eating Kung-pow chicken, snuggled against him, now changed into your comfiest pjs you realize you'd forgotten to say thank you. But nothing seems like a big enough thanks for what he's done, so you reach over to squeeze his hand, and he gets it instantly.

"There's no need, its my job to take care of you. I love you. You're my person." And he's smiling and he's perfect and you think then that you could sit here in this moment for the rest of your life.