#its not a decision that affects him so he has no right. shes an adult who can make her own choices even if theyre are bad ones

[tinylittlebab]

bleh everything SUCKS

[writella]

Reckless Romantics

Synopsis: Can be read as a stand alone or part two to getting ready for me; a return to innocent, inexperienced!reader and her relationship with Rick Grimes; two weeks after their first time together there has been some distance, but now Rick wants to make up for how hasty he was when he touched her last.

Details: Rick Grimes x fem!reader, smut: oral (f receiving) and teaching reader how to give a handjob, unspecified (of age) age gap, sweetness + kissing + a little mutual pining maybe, probably cliche, and leaning more into Rick as the dutiful leader and gentle lover (I feel this is just as in character as dom!Rick). Reader is a music lover— any kind of music you like— but she also likes a specific band only because I watched a documentary about them at the theater in July so it made its way into the story. Slightly proofread— will be corrected more later. wc: 5-7k (I lost track after finishing it on tumblr).

A/N: I wrote this message before I returned for the summer, but I still want you to read it: Been spending time outside this summer, trying to reach some goals— time got away from me. I don’t think I’ll ever stop saying I miss you, but please know it’s always true.

— with love from writella, my beautiful reader. ♡

Rick Grimes was not a man to give in to temptation.

My mercy prevails over my wrath, he’d say— his secret keepsake phrase. The one he whispers to himself in moments of hardship; the one he uses when he needs to make decisions only a leader would. Rick was a man of discipline; honor. He never boasted about how seriously he took these qualities, but when others did— admired, applauded, stuck by him for it— it would be a lie to say that he didn’t take note and use their pride to keep him going. This is how he knows he is strong-willed, why he wouldn’t fall for foolish, forbidden things. He was better than that. The safety and prosperity he brought to Alexandria proved it, reaffirmed it.

So why couldn’t someone remind him of that two weeks ago before he touched you?

As for you, you believed yourself to be a girl who wouldn’t fall so easily for the first man who showed you any kind of affection.

From an adolescence of peers who never seemed to take notice of you to one filled with walkers and adults who were either dead or seldom your age, you learned how hard love, let alone any connection, is to come by. It has made you quite the perpetual daydreamer because of it. One with a heart and mind filled with fantasy worlds, creating what you lacked externally. It often made you see yourself as much younger than you were despite all you’ve been through. No regular person your age in the old world has probably escaped as many deaths and wannabe cowboy dictators as you have. Still, they probably knew what it was like to have a high school romance, or at least go to the movies with friends, and have graduated from well, anything. You were simply born too late and shoved into this new world too early to experience even half of it.

This upbringing has brought you up to believe yourself precocious, although— maybe you were already too old for that word now. No, you were, so maybe– sensible, realistic despite the overactive imagination; you could decipher between right and wrong, real versus fake. This is why, for as long as you could, you did not entertain any thoughts of Rick Grimes.

Other people would though, women mostly. But you did have your suspicions of others who thought the same— they just weren't as shameless. Those who were, could be found during lunch breaks from work on house porches; or laughing and whispering at community gatherings and at the back of town hall meetings. Basically any time or place they could turn into a gossip session, which was often. And it didn’t always have to do with Rick. It could be about any one of the men in town; or retelling funny moments to their friends or complaining about their co-workers. But anything of true, great interest always had to do with the community leaders. You wish you could say you were the exception to this interest, but hypocritically, you loved a good inside scoop, and luckily for you, you had a trustworthy way about you. Almost everyone who spoke to you or allowed you to sit with them and their friends for meals agreed: you were a intent, quiet listener making you the best kind of person to say things to without judgment; and people assumed you as shy, yet you loved to laugh which was great for boosting egos. They often treated you as a little sister in that way, as if the pleasure was all yours to get to hear their ramblings because they were either older or perceived themselves to be more sociable and experienced than you. You tried not to care too much about what they took you for. It was nice to feel trusted, even if people could be a little too mean or weird for your liking because no matter who it was, they made you feel as if you were watching television, and you missed television. They told you things from period mishaps– (it’s the apocalypse, there are a lot of free bleeding queens okay)— to which people in their workstations annoyed them most with very detailed explanations as to why and, of course, rumors or general talk about the leaders: who they thought each of them has slept with, if there seemed to be any fighting between them and what side they were taking, and obviously, anything that had to do with one of the guys. Some were downright obvious that one or the other was their type, while others might try to be more sly about it, always bringing whichever man it was up more than the others. But unless they were diehard Daryl girls, wanted to dominate Glenn, or had some military man, hot priest, or doctor kink for Abraham, Gabriel, or Siddiq, most of them apparently felt that Rick was the love of their lives. He was like a local celebrity. A band’s frontman.

“So, what about you?” One of your scavenging partners asked on the ride home. “Which one do you like?”

“They’re all attractive guys,” you say, keeping your eyes on the road. “But I don’t really think about them like that.” You feel a flush coming on. Crushes, or anything romantic, is a part of your internal world, not something you discuss aloud.

“Come on,” she prods. “You never join in. You just laugh at us for being delusional.”

“Whose us?” Rosita asks, her voice sharp, humorous, and not without judgment. “I don’t talk about that shit.” But secretly, she loved the drama as much as you and would have many questions for you later tonight about why you have yet to tell her of the town obsession of treating her friends like the cast of a reality show.

“I don’t laugh at you! I like it when you guys talk about that stuff.”

“But what I’m saying is that I didn’t let you ride shotgun this time so you can hold out again,” the girl jokes half-heartedly.

“What do you mean this time? I get to ride shotgun because I’m the one with the CDs.”

And it’s true, the only thing that cancelled out the silence of drive in moments where conversation ceased was your Oasis album playing in the background. Learning about the band was your new obsession. Much like listening to the crazy imaginations of the girls in town, you found the Gallagher brother rivalry riveting even if you only knew pieces of the story from the music, scraps of magazine articles, and by asking whoever in town happened to be a teen in the 90s. Thankfully you had hit the jackpot today though. One of the houses you visited was once occupied by a dad and daughter with an insane music collection in the living room and a smaller, more curated one in the girl’s room. After gathering what new music you wanted to try from downstairs, you also found some old issues of QuizFest in the girl’s room, filled with activities that were themed with shows you remember from when you were a kid, but the most important discovery— the find of all finds— was one of those Ultimate Guide, Complete Life Story magazines of none other than the band Oasis.

You would now probably know all of the drama between the brothers to tell a coherent story about the band’s history to anyone who wanted an escape from walker related events and farming talk. When you weren’t listening, that’s what people would come to you for: to borrow music, get recommendations, or to tell them a story. In all, you were getting the reputation of being the town’s music historian, meaning you usually used your knowledge to avoid talking about yourself. And it mostly worked.

Except for now.

“Well, if I had to guess,” the girl persists despite your silence, “I think it would be Rick.”

“What?” Noticing the incredulity in your tone, you calm your voice. Shrugging you say, “Why Rick? Everyone likes him.”

Rosita sends a look your way. It’s innocent enough, probably just showing that she is still listening on as she drives but you were refusing to look at anyone now to know for sure.

“Exactly,” the girl says. “He’s a classic knight in shining armor type. I feel like he’d talk you through it, which I think would be good for— someone like you.”

Your face is on fire, you can’t even speak properly. “I- first of all, what do you know about my experience?” you ask, the incredulous tone returning. But all you get as an answer is knowing snorts and chortles from the two women. Ouch. Nonetheless, you continue, “Second, you think shooting a guy in the head in front of his wife and the whole town is chivalrous?”

Oh—

That makes car goes quiet.

You know you made a mistake.

You didn’t mean it as crassly as you said it, and you did feel bad for saying it knowing that the situation was more difficult than you summed it up to be, but you didn’t apologize. All this talk about crushes and especially Rick made you embarrassed. It’s not that you didn't see what others saw anyway. Of course you noticed how nice Rick’s curls are, how he doesn’t have to use any product for them to look as they do; or those blue eyes and how when you get closer, they become that much more stark and crisp; or how good he was at talking to people, convincing them of things or simply just reassuring them as a friend; and that southern drawl that still sometimes catches you by surprise by sounding so pronounced at the end of certain words, making his voice that much more intoxicating. Of course you saw the appeal, but that didn’t mean you had a crush on him.

Right?

Maybe it doesn’t matter. You just felt you knew better. He was like a president. You know of them, and you believe in them, but you don’t get close to them. And it didn’t matter that he told Carl to personally deliver you a stereo he and Daryl found while out once. How he remembered how you liked music. How he told Carl to tell you this one was probably better than the old one you had, that it was louder. You only showed him your old stereo that once when he was helping you move. He was just a perceptive guy with a good memory. All leaders are like that.

Right?

Anyway, let’s get back to your crass… joke.

“Hilarious.” Rosita says and you hear the low contempt in her voice at your insensitivity.

“That was ages ago though,” the girl chimes in, saving you just a little, “and he did it to help her. He didn’t care about the mess he made. He save her. I’d say that’s pretty romantic.”

“Let’s not call that romantic,” Rosita scoffs, and despite the slight frustration, there was a quiet sadness in her voice at the memory. “That wasn’t love.”

“That was reckless, not romantic.” You agree. Partly because you truly do, but also in attempt to win back favor from your friend. “I shouldn’t have mentioned it.”

But after that day, it was all you could think about.

The idea of a knight; a romantic; someone that would do anything for you, ruin his reputation for you; find gifts from the outside that he’d send is son to give to you. Maybe you did find it charming, idyllic.

These thoughts soared in your mind so much so that on one night when thinking about boys from books or your favorite artists wasn't enough during moments under your sheets when your back arched and your fingers trailed up your thighs, your mind switched from people you would never meet to him, to Rick. Your eyes scrunched tighter, and you tried to shake it away, telling yourself it was just the women in town and the talk in the car getting to you. But then you thought about how rich and hot pink his lips looked on a bright sun-burning day and how it would feel like flames firing inside of you if he kissed you with them.

Ideas like these went on for nearly a year now. You even started questioned if maybe you had always liked him, maybe you were always just like the other girls even though tried to not be. You had thought it made you respectful, realistic; after all, how could Rick be the love of your life if he was everyone’s? Wonderings like this became even worse and more confusing when Rosita had asked if you’d like to move in with her. Becoming closer with her meant being around the leaders more often, which meant coincidental encounters and conversations with Rick as well. Quickly, he wasn’t just that president or celebrity anymore who talked to you sometimes and got you that stereo that once. He was becoming a peer— at least in some ways. One who was curious about your interests as much as your opinions. But it’s not exactly like you were in the in-crowd now as some people assumed. You didn’t get to go to leader meetings, and as much as you knew Rosita must have been telling you more than others know, she couldn’t have been telling you everything. But you did see him more than other people now, when he and the leaders came over to the house or when Rosita was invited over to theirs and she’s tell you to come too. And now, with these thoughts spiraling, you can’t help but to look back at the at the times where Rick approached you, gave you all his attention no matter how small it was and asked you about what you were listening to or reading that week, letting you ramble. He was an older guy, yes, but he cared, he actually listened, and he didn’t make you feel like the childish little sister others do.

Sadly, you did become the fawn like you had told yourself you wouldn’t be. But you couldn’t stop picturing him when you closed your eyes, and in fact, it was nice to imagine someone to fall asleep with, to wake up to. It was just going be your secret. Part of your fantasy world. But then— it all caught up to you.

Through the sliver of the open door he saw you, fingers between folds, goading yourself on as you chanted his name in whispers.

And to your surprise, he encouraged it. No, he did so much more than that— he helped you, made you come; gave you your first orgasm and made you his like no one has before.

You loved it. You gave into it. Even if it was just one secret moment. It made you give into the idea that this would continue but of course, it didn’t. He hasn’t spoken to you in almost three weeks until—

“Woah-” you gasp, almost crashing into just the person as you exit your room.

“Sorry,” you both say in unison, holding onto each other's forearms before quickly letting go. Your arms cross over into your chest before dropping as you enter your room again, clearing the hallway, and his hands go behind his back. He’s still as unsteady as you are, his mouth is slightly open, thinking of what to say.

“Hi,” you whisper tentatively.

“Good morning,” he politely replies. His eyes now smile slightly as he nods to you. You don’t miss how the light emanating from your bright room makes them shine. And he doesn’t miss how the light shining behind your figure makes you, in your white cotton sundress, look like an absolute angel.

“Good morning,” you repeat, giggling slightly, not knowing what else to say.

“Good morning,” he says again, lost and as giddy as you are.

“Oh wait— is the leader’s meeting here today?” Rick starts to nod and answers yes as you continue to speak, “I totally forgot! I’m sorry. I know I should be gone by now.”

He shakes his head, “It’s fine. I was just going to the bathroom.”

“Here? Was someone in the one downstairs?”

“Just wanted to be away from everyone when they came. Daryl and I came early so we started talking and I just- we didn’t see eye to eye on something. I needed a minute.”

You nod. That seems to be your signature when to talk to him. You hated it honestly. Often over-analyzing your words, worrying you’ll sound immature or stutter in front of him. “I'm sorry,” you tell him sympathetically. For a moment there is only silence which makes you worry he will go away, so without thinking, you ask: “I know you’re busy but, if you need a moment, maybe you would like to come in here instead?”

Rick freezes but then, inevitably agrees. As he enters, you close the door and quickly go to shut off the low playing stereo and rehang some of the dresses on your chair in the closet— you had been getting ready for the day. Rick goes to sit on the chair after you empty it but you stop him. You sit on the vertical side of your bed and guesture Rick to sit in the spot next to you, closer to the headboard. You wanted to sit next to him.

Rick doesn’t question this, maybe he wanted to be as close to you as you had, so as he sits, your thighs touch. You try not to move too much at the first contact. Still, the heat that starts to burn inside you makes you realize how much you’ve craved this. Can two weeks feel like a lifetime? It’s like you haven’t felt him in ages.

“What were you playing today?” He asks and you realize you eyes went straight to the area where yours and Rick’s legs touched. You know he noticed but still you try to answer normally.

“Selena. Rosita loves her. It’s one of her most famous songs: Amor Prohibido.”

He nods. “I probably wouldn’t understand a bit of it,” he laughs.

He would probably remember the singer from the news if you gave more context but you don’t. There is a silence that follows until you ask, “So,” starting slowly, “what’s wrong? Is Daryl aright?”

He doesn’t answer. His mouth is open as if he’s deciding what to say, but nothing comes out, so you continue, “You know, nothing is ever right in the world when Rick and Daryl fight. It makes me sad.”

The joke makes those lines at the sides of his eyes appear— a quiet laugh. “Well you know I’d never want to make you sad. Especially not you.” You two exchange a light smile while that heat rises fast to your heart. “We’ll be fine,” he finally says, but then he goes quiet again. Rick seems unsure if he wants to continue. He even looks at the door, wonders if the others have shown up yet, but— he knows he doesn’t want to leave. And even more, he knows he shouldn’t after ignoring you like some teenage boy. He decides to tell you what’s happening: “Daryl wants us to bring new people in. You know how he’s always going out there. But I think it’s way too soon.”

You hum agreeingly, but at the same time, you understand Daryl. “I think he just likes to give people what he never used to have,” you suggest.

“I know,” he nods a bit annoyedly; “and that’s a nice way to put it, but you know him, when he has his mind set on somethin’ he can be so damn stubborn. It’s frustrating. He won’t compromise or listen to anything.”

Endearingly, you try to withhold a laugh, your lisp pursing. Not only because when he says anything, it actually sounds like anythang, but because Rick sounds like he’s describing himself and he doesn’t even realize it.

“And,” he adds, pausing for a moment before he continues, scratching his beard. It looks as if maybe he shouldn’t tell you what he’s about to. His head hangs low to say: This is not information for everyone to know, okay? But the last time he went out there with Glenn, the reason Glenn’s arm is in a sling right now, is because they met a group, tried to bring them back and before they could make it even close to home, the group fought ‘em, tried to steal what they scavenged, and almost kill Glenn.”

You widen your eyes at the statement. You actually already knew this from Rosita, but that will stay between you two. All you feel is humbled that he felt he share it with you, despite it being a dark thing. It was a close call. Rick was right for being very cautious right now. “Wow,” is all you can get in before he speaks again.

“Imagine if we lost him. Fought this war with his wife and unborn baby at the time for nothing? So he couldn’t even meet him?” Rick shakes his head, and you notice his foot tapping lightly, making his knee bounce. This had happened a month ago now but it was obviously affecting him. “It was reckless and I told him that. That right now we need to be focusing on what’s inside these walls. People have only just started getting back to being comfortable now; to feeling like this is a home.”

Your eyes remain wide, “We did so much rebuilding you.”

“We did complete rebuilding.” He corrects, though not rudely. Shaking his head, he goes back to talking about Daryl: “I think I made it seem like what happened to Glenn was his fault. So not only were we arguing but I must’ve hurt him,” Rick realizes, “and now he definitely won’t be back today— maybe not even until next week.”

A silence hangs in the air after this; it seems he finished. Now, you know you should speak, but as the silence continues, you grow more unsure of what to say. Issues like these are things you’ve never dealt with. You didn’t want to say something stereotypical.

“I’m sorry I’m putting all this on you.”

“No, no,” you quickly console, trying to think. “Um, well,” you say, starting unsteadily, “this is probably going to sound stupid and not helpful. I don’t even remember the exact context or what was truly said so it might not make any sense either but, do you remember when I had my Oasis obsession? Earlier this year?”

“I do,” he laughs, turning his head over to your music table. His eyes scan any of the visible album titles to see if he can find it, but the print on most of them are too small. He turns back to you as you continue:

“This is going to sound a little far off but I think you and Daryl are like Liam and Noel.”

His eyebrows furrow, “Didn’t those two hate each other?”

“I mean, yes— but it’s much more complicated than that to me— but no, I don’t mean in that way. It just that there is this quote Noel says that I don’t remember exactly, but I really liked: he said that even though he wrote the music and Liam did the singing that Liam meant the words just as much as Noel did because they’re brothers and he wrote them. I thought that was beautiful, but…” you trail off.

He stays silent, trying to give you space to find your words but you feel like you’ve gone too far. It’s all pretty convoluted and not a true comparison to what’s going on that you’re even confusing yourself a little. “I think what I mean is that even though they have their different roles, they still feel very similar things and believe in the same purpose. I think that’s like you and Daryl. You two are so similar yet so different. But there’s still a binding force that always brings the two of you together. So, like I’m sure you already know and I didn’t even need to tell you, but you two will be okay. You two have different ways of doing things, but the music or the life you’re trying to create in Alexandria still has the same meaning to the both of you.” You laugh small and breathily as you end. “That probably didn’t make sense.”

Rick smiles to himself. “I didn’t get that first bit, with the quote, but no… that made a lot of sense to me.” He nods toward you and you return his smile. “You’re so bright. You know that? Not everyone knows how to stitch things together like that the way you do.”

This makes you feel good. Rick thought you were smart. You know you should say thank you, but instead, something else comes out: “May I, may I kiss you?”

“Yes,” he answers, almost stuttering it out, a hint of hesitation before he did, but he nods so kindly, so reassuringly as he tells you again: “yes.”

Your fingers touch his lower cheeks lightly, feeling the bristles of his beard. You’re slow, and careful, and scared. Your fingers linger on his jaw for a moment until they completely caress his right cheek and then you move in, swiftly— worried you’ll lose your confidence, worried he’ll change his mind. You catch his lower lip and seal the kiss. Your lips are locked for a few seconds until you retreat. It was nice, and exciting, but short. You knew you could have put your tongue in his mouth. You believe he would have let you because you remember when he did it last time, but you didn’t want to embarrass yourself by doing it wrong and once again reminding him how much you don’t know. But you’re sure giving him a grade school kiss like this one was enough of a reminder.

Your eyes roll down, chin low. Your cheeks are on fire and your hands do not know where to go so you start fiddling with the hem of your dress and then you laugh. You were trying to be courageous this time, and you were, but you also weren’t.

Rick grabs your left hand, holding it at the end of your thigh, “I liked that,” he says softly.

“You did?” You ask as softly as he, eyes meeting his.

A short, airy snicker comes out, “Mhm,” he hums, giving you a closed-mouth smile. He found you simply adorable.

“Can I… try it again?”

Rick pulls on your forearm, attempting to bring you closer to him. “Yeah,” he nods, voice gentle. “Do you want me to help?”

You nod before you speak, happily accepting, “Yes.”

He puts your hands on his shoulders. One of his grabs onto your waist and the other holds you lightly under your chin, adjusting your head to meet his lips. The first kiss he places holds just for a couple of moments as the one you gave him did, gentle but packed with longing. The next two are slow, pretty pecks that already have you melting at his touch, lips agape waiting for the next one. The fourth is the one where he brings his tongue into your mouth, carefully bringing it in quarter by quarter. He tastes the top of your mouth and tongue and you feel him as he slowly starts to explore how far you may like to go, but truly you become stagnant other than your hands that press into his shoulder. Luckily, Rick either doesn’t notice your hesitation or is already silently helping you as he takes the lead, pulling you closer by the hips and slipping his tongue in and out of your mouth to kiss you more. It makes you smile— the excitement of your first make-out session. You giggle, and then it makes him smile too and your teeth slightly bump into each other. Accidently you nip his lip because of it, making you pull back.

Your fingers hover over your lips as you impart a quiet apology but Rick just shakes his head giving you another quick kiss instead. He starts to move back on your bed, back pressed again the headboard and he tells you quietly, “Come here.”

You get up and sit higher up on the bed as well, calves folded under your thighs. He takes one of your legs and starts to put it over his as he asks, “Is this okay?”

You nod, vigor growing as you do it now, thrilled to sit on his lap. Your dress bunches around your hips and the tops of your thighs. You move closer to press your chest into his and you kiss him first again, another small one but with intent as you look at him afterward, feeling the scratch of his beard on your fingertips as you smile at him, in awe that this is happening.

“You want to try this time?”

“Uh,” he means you put your tongue in his mouth this time, but you’re afraid to do it wrong but you know you want to say yes so you do, “Yes, okay.”

So he brings you in again and you kiss him. He mouth opens a little and you try to bring your tongue in slightly but you teeth clash. “Sorry,” and quickly he responds that it’s okay and rubs your cheek, telling you to just open your mouth a little wider, no teeth, let your tongue go on top of his.

You try it. Your tongues meet again, licking each other tips before you slowing press in more, your chest touching his as you try to close the gap.

Rick starts slowly rocking your hips against his and he takes control of the kiss again. It helps you not think, you like it. And you like the feeling of that incoming tight bulge starting to form under his jeans, but then you let go. “Wait,” you say, “I like this.” You pause for a moment, confusing him more as to why you stopped. “But… there is something I wanted to ask you.”

“Okay,” his hand stay fixed on your hips and waist, rubbing soothily, “What it is?”

Another pause. “I feel nervous,” you whisper.

“You have no reason to be, sweetheart. You can ask me anything.”

You laugh, smiling as you look off to the side. Anythang.

He smiles too, although unknowingly to what you found funny. His head tilts as he tries to find your gaze and turn it towards him again.

“Well, the last time we were together here you taught me how to do something. You taught me how to pleasure myself better so,” you stutter, “I want to pleasure you. If that’s okay. And I was wondering if you’d teach me how- to touch you here.” You remove yourself from straddling him and point in the direction of his cock.

Instantly he feels a stir of his already hardening dick.

This is not how he expected things to go this time. Or truly, he didn’t expect any of this at all, but when you asked to kiss him he decided he would be gentle, more giving. It felt like you wanted him to take again, the exact thing he was trying not to do. “I feel like I took advantage of you last time.”

“Rick…” you shake your head. “I’m the one who didn’t close the door all the way. You asked if it was okay and then you asked if you could go faster. I said yes to everything…” You start to worry— is he second guessing everything now?—“I feel maybe we remember this differently.” You bow your head again now. Feeling ashamed, wondering if he did.

Rick places one hand on your knee to comfort you although he still says, “It’s just that I’ve never done something like this before.” His thumb sways on your skin. “I just don’t want you to end up feeling like you’re wasting your time. Your first times.”

You’re surprised, “It’s so funny how you can be so self-assured in front of a crowd and now you don’t think you’re good enough.” You take his hand and press it towards your chest. Your heart was racing. “I like you. So much.” You swallow as he says your name softly, realizing how fast your heart was going. “No one in town is truly ever mean to me or anything, and Rosita has been so kind with letting me move in with her and we talk and its nice but, you know— she has her flings and her friendships that are separate from mine and everyone just always seems like they have their person and I just don’t. I don’t have my person, or any person.” You remove your hands from your chest but Rick still holds onto it, squeezing your hand as you start speaking again. “You’re kind, Rick, and you make me excited, and you remember things about me… “ If your face could get any hotter, it does, “And, well, you’re very handsome. If you could teach me again, I would like that.”

God… Rick was trying to be a romantic yet you were so adamant on getting him off. He laughed inwardly, shaking his head, deciding that the best way to handle this situation— and make up for some of his guilt as he was trying to— would be to give you the thing you say you want and not what he thinks you want. Suppose that’s one for widower’s wisdom.

Decidedly, Rick gets up from the bed, giving you a once over, still admiring how adorable, and how sexy, you look to him with your feet under your lap, hands on your knees as you look up at him from the bed and your white dress. He starts undoing his shirt buttons. “Remember when I did this the first time?”

A smirk came on, there’s the Rick you remember. Blue eyes intense, and voice getting cocky as he gets ready to give you what you need, what he knows you only want from him.

“Yes,” you say quiet yet with budding excitement. You start going for the hem of your dress, “Should I start taking this off too?”

“Mm, stay like that.” He’s taking off his belt. “Thought you looked beautiful in it right when I saw you.”

Your thighs squeeze together slightly. Rick Grimes was undressing before you, for you, and calling you smart and beautiful all the while.

As Rick lowers his boxers, his cock springs up. He returns to his spot on the bed, back leaning against the headboard. All of a sudden he seems to truly recognize that he is the only one exposed. He would tell you what to do, guide you, but in a small way, in a way you probably didn’t realize, you were in control. It seems that each time this happens— although it’s only been twice— and each time he talks to you— which has been plenty— you steal a little more of Rick’s heart and he just can’t stop it.

“So,” he clears his throat, your eager eyes on his cock making him twitch, “you usually just wrap your hand around, start from the base and keep pumping up.” He shakes his head, “there’s not too much too it but it’s best to keep your hand light at the start, you—”

You nod quickly, “May I?”

As he nods back you, “Yes.” And as he says it you’re already licking your hand.

“Is it okay if I spit? That helps right? Or is that nasty to you?”

He’s caught off guard, “No, no, that helps.”

So you do and you place your hand lightly at the base as he said and you start to pump. Instantly, he lets out a gasp, and the next noises that follow are repressed grunts and groans. You want to ask him to stop doing that but you’re a little scared to speak up that way just yet and you’re too engrossed in how you can see the light veins of green and blue on him and how he’s so red at the tip. It was honestly exciting. Just this, touching him with your hand, staring at his member and watching him twitch as his mouth opens to pant lightly. It still felt unreal but you liked it and you were happy to learn. You start to pump him more towards the top, placing your thumb on his slit- pressing in. His abs clench at that. You push in a little harder and you squeeze your fist around him a little— testing it out to see what happens—and he groans, unadulterated this time, “oh, fuck.”

The heel of your foot that’s under your lap pushes into your center at that.

You start pumping faster. “Am I doing good, Rick?”

Hearing your voice sets him off, “Fuck, sweetheart. Yes.” He’s honestly choking out each of his words, he didn’t expect to get so turned on by all of this. He realizes the last time he had sex was with you that first time, and before that… he can’t even remember. “You’re doing an amazing job.”

As you pump, you start to slow down, only doing it shallowly towards his base. You’re feeling confident and you kiss the side of him, licking a fat stripe up to the top and then you pump him fully again.

“Oh, fuck, yeah,” he breathes out. He wants to tell you to slow down but it comes out of nowhere, he stutters before he can even speak. An unintelligible groan mixed with a moan comes out abrupt and louder than he intends and white spurts of liquid come out.

You go faster for a few moments, then start to slow down, a little unsure of what is best to do, but you notice when you start squeezing him a little more as you continue to pump up and more whiteness fall out from inside of him.

“Did I, make you come?”

“Yeah,” he says, huffing.

“I did?” your cheekbones rise as you ask with awe— it was another first for the books.

Rick’s tries to let his embarrassment fade, he can tell you were just excited about it, but still, he looks down and to the side, avoiding direct eye contact— almost like you typically would. You peer at him, almost nervously because of it. Rick is usually the confident one. “Doesn’t always happen that fast,” he explains.

“Well before a month ago I didn’t know how to make myself come so I wouldn’t know,” you say with self-deprecating assurance. You had heard from the girls in town that it was easier to make men orgasm. You already had it in your head as something not to judge. You wonder how hard he must have been restraining himself the first time he placed himself inside you, or if it just happened to be easier for him that time around. “I didn’t expect I could do it or anything really. I thought it was…” you smile while giggling, “interesting.”

“A good interesting I hope.”

“Very,” you assure. “I liked it.” You kiss his cheek as you take some wipes that are by your night stand and you start cleaning him up. He doesn’t tell you that you don’t have to; he helps along with you.

“You sure you’ve never done any of this before?”

You shake your head. “I just read fiction books.”

He smiles to himself, a quiet snort of laughter leaving his nose. You always surprise him.

When you two are done cleaning, he puts his boxers back on. Quickly, he is on the bed again and starts to kissing you. Rick holds your shoulder and pushes you down. Finally, it’s time for his redemption, he feels. It was your turn to be pleasured. Just like he wanted to do from the beginning.

Rick kisses down your neck to your collarbone, and the parts of your exposed chest and he pushes your dress up past your hips. His lips move back up to yours, kissing you more before saying, “I really wanna show you something sweetheart.” He presses his thumb into your clit over your underwear. “Can I kiss you down there? Have you ever had that before?”

You shake your head slowly, eyes wide. “I-” you start nodding your head, “-I would really like that.” And in such a small voice you add, “Please.”

Rick kisses your cheek. Deep and softly he breathlessly tells you, “I would love to.”

Rick moves his head lower and gives you slow kisses over your underwear from your mound to the end of your lips. He starts to drag your panties over your legs and once they’re gone he kisses up your thighs. Then his nose rubs and sways ever so lightly on your lips. He breathes in and it makes you shutter. Your heart is going crazy again. Finally, he licks upward. One long and languid stripe ending with a kiss to your clit and then he truly begins.

Tongues are wet and sticky and everything you ever dreamed of. Your eyes roll back instantly from that first lick and kiss. You remember a time when you started touching yourself that you used to never think of receiving oral. You thought it was scary, nasty, that you wouldn’t like it until the moment you thought about it as a million kisses on your most sensitive lips, or someone liking you so much that they’d get drenched by your wetness just to touch you, to taste you. After that, you thought about it all the time and now it was finally happening– someone needing you so much they just had to know what you taste like. Here he was: kissing, licking, sucking, not caring about how he looks but only how you feel— you now knew what it was like to be desired.

Rick presses his tongue flat on your clit, rubbing deep circles. His eyes are open, looking up at how your mouth opens wider and wider. You let out little whimpers, enamored by his tongue, still deciding if you like the scratch of his beard, but your eyes stay glued to the ceiling, scared to look at the scene below.

He gives you kitten licks in between speaking, “Look down. Don’t miss your first time.”

Your eyes go down slowly, watching as he gives open mouth kisses to your clit and right lip, tilting his head. He stays there for a moment, hearing your short and breathy pants, kissing and licking your clit and lower lips like they were the ones above your chin. His eye contact sends bursts of sticky wet fluid down your hole and you release a whimpered moan, they’re always sp short and soft and high pitched. He can tell you like it but he can also see you’re nervous. You don’t trust yourself, you know it, and he’s starting to realize it too. You’re scared of completely letting go.

He peppers kisses to your clit before moving upward, his tongue rolling and mouth kissing from your lower stomach to your breasts till his face reaches yours again. “No one’s here,” he tells you. He then kisses your lips allowing you to taste yourself for the first time. “Relax,” he whispers, rolling out each syllable. He holds your chin with one hand while he inserts a finger into your hole with the other, his pointer is instantly drenched and you shudder at the feeling. His single calloused finger reminds you of the time he was last inside you. He pumps slowly, looking into your eyes as he speaks, “Don’t think about who could come downstairs.”

“What if Rosita or Daryl come back?”

“What if?” He says it so simply as if he’s ready for everyone to know. Truly, that would be an issue, but right now it was not about him and it was completely about you; he wanted to give. It was short-sighted, reckless, yes, but… you were just so pretty, so bright, so insightful, and he felt like he needed to make up for all the taking he did last time, of your first time. Rosita had went to run after Daryl, hopefully no one was here anyway. But again, he didn’t care. It didn’t matter. “Lay back,” he gently commands, “forget what I said before- close your eyes. Just give in to it. Like I’m the only one who's here.”

Rick licks zig zag stripes down your slit and then he decides to insert his tongue in your hole. He goes as deep as his tongue allows, collecting your wetness and trying to swallow it in moments when he turns back to kissing. He his nose is brushing and rubbing up against your clit as he sucks wetness from down below and you start letting out stringy moans you can’t control. Soft, pretty, and continuous, “uh, ah, uh, uh” that turn into “sorry, I’m sorry.” You’re still self-conscious about your own noises. This was still only the second time you’ve heard the sounds you make when someone else is fucking you.

But Rick shushes you. Giving small kisses to your clit as he looks up at you, seeing your scrunched eyes and open mouth. “I like knowing you like it, pretty girl. I like all those pretty sounds you’re making.”

Your pussy tightens around nothing at that phrase.

“Keep going. You don’t have to be shy.” He grabs your chin and you look down at him. His beard is wet. “We’ve already made a mess anyway.”

He starts kissing your labias, licking up wetness when you decide to ask, nervously, “Can you make sounds too?”

Instantly, Rick goes again to kiss your clit, humming into it as he sucks. Breathing against you he says, “Want me to tell you I like it, sweetheart?” His tongue slides down again, tongue reaching into your hole and he moans into your pussy.

Your back arches and you mewl, you could almost scream.

That’s it, he thinks. Rick keeps humming and groaning into you now. His voice is so seductive. “I love tasting your pussy, baby.”

You couldn’t breathe.

Rick starts rubbing your clit with his thumb and going fast with his tongue in your hole “My bright, pretty girl gonna come for me? Hm?”

“Oh, Rick, I want to. Please, Rick.”

Rick starts to go faster and your brain turns to mush. Only noises coming out and when he stops his tongue movements to say something more you push his head down. “Sorry,” you say. You’ve never been forceful before but he says nothing, just continues going down on you and taking his free hand to place it over his, gesturing that he wants your hands in his hair. You tug on his curls and he grunts into you. You start chanting his name and then he switches to placing his lips on your clit and putting two fingers in your pussy. It reminded you of the first time but instead of your three fingers they were two of his and it felt so much better than you ever knew before, better than you could ever do it yourself. It sets you off. Your eyes shut tighter if they could. “Rick! Oh my god,” you moan and then again and again and then you come.

Rick laps at your cunt, vigorously trying to wipe you clean. He makes it look like it will be the last and only time. It makes you worry but at the same time he looks so sexy like that; needy for you even after you finished.

He takes your wipes and cleans his lips before cleaning you up as you did for him. He kisses you thighs and your lips and your cheeks as he continues. “You did such a good job,” he says. “You always do.”

You’re filled with pride at that. “Thank you.” Then worry sets in. You realize how public you’ve made everything. “Did I just ruin your life?”

He laughs while caressing your thigh. That anxious expression of yours that he just got rid of returns after all the work he did.

“I’m gonna check downstairs. Okay? If they’re there, they’re there.” You nod. We already made a mess anyway, you remember him saying. “They might want to start the meeting when I go down so, whatever happens, happens alright? You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Your eyes are still nervous, but it’s all too late anyway. “Okay,” you respond.

“Okay,” he says back, kissing you once more. As he dresses himself again, he tells you, “I promise I won’t wait two weeks to see you again.”

“I’d like that.”

“Me too,” he says as a send off and goes into the bathroom to clean his face.

When he reaches the living room, there is no one. Rick is thankful but confused.

As he nears the coffee table there is a sheet of yellow lined legal pad with a talkie next to it.

Call when you’re done, it reads.

“Rosita?” He questions into the device. Who else could it have been, right?

He can almost hear the grin on her face. “They should start calling you Reckless Rick for all the agony you put these Alexandria girls through.” She pauses for dramatic effect. “There’s just something about that stupid hair cowboy accent, I guess.”

Before he can respond, telling her that it’s absurd to think of him as a playboy, that he was far from it, she continues:

“So, fucking my roommate? You’re glad Glenn and Maggie called everyone over to theirs instead. Hershel took his first steps while you were teaching someone else how to take theirs.”

She unpressed the button to suppress her laughter. “Just get over here,” she concludes, putting down the walkie and going back to meet the rest of the group with a perfect poker face. She tells everyone Rick will be here shortly.

Oh, Alexandria’s leader and her new little best friend who has been hearing the townswomen’s fantasies of him for years: Reckless Rick and his reckless romantic girl.

Rosita would give you so much shit for this when she gets home.

[strangersteddierthings]

In the 19 years Steve's lived in this house, never once has he slammed his front door like that. Too scared of his parents' wrath should it have caused any damage.

It feels good.

He almost turns around to do it again, a fuck you to his parents and every decision they ever forced on him, but then he remembers. They're all in there. Nancy, Jonathan, Argyle, Eddie, Robin. In his living room, making declarations and decisions about Steve's life for him. Or, well, one of them is.

Like his parents do. Did?

He didn't grab his keys, wallet, or even his coat, but he's not going back for them. It's cold, sure, but Steve's sure his anger will keep him warm until he reaches a destination. Any destination.

He just doesn't understand why- Why they keep doing this to him.

Why he keeps letting them.

No. No, that's a lie. He keeps letting them because he knows, deep down, he's not a fighter. Not for himself.

He'll put himself between the ones he loves and danger in a heartbeat; he's done that since the first time he watched a petal-faced monster peel its way out of the Byers' wall in '83.

But his parents trained the fight right out of him when it came to himself. It was easier to not argue, to just do what they wanted. They'd smile at him when he was good. They'd take him with on shorter business trips when he behaved. His mom would even allow a quick hug if he impressed a shareholder with how well-mannered and quiet he was.

He won their affections with obedience.

He's never- Nancy and he love each other now, but in the same way they all love each other after having survived the horrors the Upside Down. But Nancy never loved him the way he'd once loved her. That was bullshit.

Even Robin and Dustin. He knows they love him now. Will love him forever, going forward, but both had admitted to having a predetermined idea of who Steve was and what he was like and they weren't wrong but they also weren't right because Steve's never been Steve a goddamn day in his life.

Steve hadn't even known Steve until monsters came into his life.

The way everyone used to refer to him as the Steve Harrington was a judgement all its own. A thing that he was, and had no say to be otherwise.

Even Eddie, in the Upside Down, and now, in his own house.

Steve finally feels like he might be becoming who he really is and he's surrounded by friends and it just made him stupid. He'd thought it was confidence, when he pulled Eddie aside to talk, to confess, but then-

Eddie telling him he's confused. Like Steve is a child learning new concepts and not an adult who has been questioning how he feels about men since he first noticed other boys in middle school.

Eddie telling him, 'you don't want this, man. Not really.'

It's not fair.

Robin came out to him, and he'd just wanted to make her laugh so she would quit looking so scared. Eddie came out to him, and Steve had thanked him for trusting him. Jonathan, Nancy, and Argyle confess to all dating each other and Steve congratulated them. But Steve comes out and gets told he's confused?

And Steve didn't even refute it. Just got so hurt he couldn't be there anymore. Left his own house because he'd told Eddie he had a crush on him, and asked if he'd like to go on a date sometime and Eddie said no and told him he was confused.

Eddie doesn't get to decide that for Steve! No one but himself can decide if he like guys or not. No one gets to tell him he's confused about what he's feeling.

It's- that's bullshit, is what it is!

Steve turns on his heel and marches back to his house. His hurt has fully morphed to anger now.

Steve hasn't run away from a fight since '83, and he's not going to start now.

He rips his front door open and is greeted to everyone just inside the door, in various states of putting their winter clothes back on. All the faces look concerned, but he scans for Eddie's.

Eddie who looks relieved for all of two seconds, when it seems to dawn on him that Steve is angry, and it's directed at him.

"The appropriate response," Steve growls as he steps through his door and punctuates those words by slamming it shut again. (It's not as satisfying this time, because he sees how it makes his friends jump.) He barrels on with his words, eyes never leaving Eddie, "when someone comes out to you, is to say 'thanks for telling me' or perhaps even 'thanks for trusting me' or, if one is so inclined, to just say 'cool, dude' but you don't get- you don't get to tell me I'm confused!"

Eddie takes a step back, knocking directly in Argyle, who steadies him, but he doesn't say anything.

Maybe Steve should be more calm about this, given the audience, but he's not able to stop the words now that they've started. "I'm not confused, and I know exactly what I'd be getting into. You don't get to- to try and make your rejection my fault. If you don't wanna date me, just say so. But you don't get to try and tell me how I feel about you!"

From the corner of his eye, he can see Nancy trying to subtly shift herself and Jonathan away from the door, probably to get out of what really should be a private conversation, but Jonathan's a bit preoccupied by catching Robin around the waist as she lunges towards Eddie.

"What the fuck did you say, Munson!" Robin growls, arms swinging out like she's going to claw Eddie to death.

Argyle has inched back a bit, putting distance between him and Eddie in case Robin breaks free. "You dudes should probably talk this out in private."

"Byers, if you don't let me go right now-"

"Robbie, I got this," Steve says, because Robin shouldn't be turning on Jonathan when he's done nothing wrong. Robin continues to glare at Eddie for a few seconds before she makes eyes contact with Steve. He raises his brows slight -I got this- and she furrows hers -are you sure?-, so he tilts his head -yes, really- and she deflates in Jonathan's arms and allows him to drag her away.

"We'll just be in the rec room," Nancy says, looping her arm through Argyles and following after Jonathan.

Eddie doesn't bolt, which is a bit more than Steve expected. They both just stare at each other until they hear the click of the rec room door.

"Steve-"

"That was fucked up, Eddie," Steve interrupts.

"Yeah. It was," Eddie says, but doesn't offer up more, even though Steve is waiting for an apology.

"That kind of reaction is exactly why I didn't come out sooner. What would be the fucking point if no one even believed me? Or worse, if you'd given me that kind of reaction like, six months ago, I probably never admit to liking guys out loud ever again. You can't just- you can't decide this kind of shit for other people!"

"I know! I- I freaked out, and panicked, and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Steve," Eddie says, and he sounds sincere and looks almost fragile while saying it that Steve loses a bit of his steam. He doesn't want to just keep yelling at Eddie.

"Yeah. Well. Thanks for apologizing," Steve mutters, crossing his arms with a huff.

Eddie worries his bottom lip before he seems to gather all his courage and says, "have I fucked everything up between us?"

"No. Not- I'm going to, like, need some time to get over my crush, but no. It's- it'll just be take time-"

"No! I mean, I can't- if you don't, uh, like me like that anymore I get it, but I- what I meant was. Well. No, I guess that answered my question."

Steve is confused, now. For real, and not about his sexuality. "What?"

"What?"

"You did it again. Deciding for me if I liked you or not."

"Shit. Fuck! Sorry," Eddie drops his head into his hands and groans. "I'm fucking this up so bad."

"Than use, like, real, whole sentences and speak to me!"

"I like you!" Eddie blurts. "I have a crush on you, too, but I- I fucked it up!"

"Yeah. Kinda."

Eddie makes a really pathetic noise at that.

"Not so much we can't, like, figure it out, though," Steve offers. "Not, like, right now, because I'm hurt and angry, but like, I'm not going to stop liking you because of one fight. Not. Uh, not now that I know you like me, too."

"Oh," Eddie whispers, then frowns. "For real?"

Steve rolls his eyes. "I said it, didn't I?"

"Sorry, it's just, just good things don't happen to me. It's- I'm processing, okay."

Steve lets out a long-suffering sigh and heads towards the rec room. "If you want to leave to 'process' alone, I get it, but you're welcome to stay. We can get this party re-started and hang out."

Eddie's silent a moment, and Steve thinks he's going to ask if Steve's sure, but instead he gets a quiet, "yeah. I'd like to stay." and the sound of Eddie's footsteps following him to the rec room.

-

@i-less-than-three-you @nburkhardt @afewproblems @skepsiss

[chiiimchar]

Hello! Your isat siblings au is very good and now has me wondering about how stuff like Sif's wish might play out differently since they're not so horribly isolated. How do they end up thinking about discovering that they're an Islander if they've grown up more constantly reminded of their memory problems (the people who taught him vaugardian are people he's still living and traveling with)?

Unrelated but brain still whirring, do you think the way Sif and Bonny end up joining the party would end up looking different?

i explained the islander thing a few asks ago, but its because nille noticed they were! nille was also a teen when the island dissapeared, and, in the game, shes the one who taught bonnie how big of a deal it was! so of course she'd know. she's from the northern coast, after all :3 (im still figuring out sif's wish btw)

about how they meet the party, though! i was writing that scene just a few days ago, so i'll put that under a readmore :3

"It's fine, we're fine, Bug-"

Bonnie pushed weakly at Siffrin's arms, a pout in their face, "You keep saying that, but you look like crab, Frin."

The cloaked one sighed, "Language."

Bonnie huffed. Siffrin smiled.

He stared at the road ahead, and fixed Bonnie's position so they wouldn't fall, and continued walking.

It had been days (weeks? close to a month? he'd lost count and despite all of his "progress" he still couldn't bring himself to ask Bonnie for help with this one) since they'd had to run from Bambouche, and while he liked to think himself a capable adult, the sudden change to traveling on his own after living comfortably with Nille and Bonnie for almost a decade, now, had thrown them for a loop.

They were hungry, tired, and stressed. He had managed to keep Bonnie fed well enough, but he didn't risk staying anywhere for too long, fearing the curse catching up to them.

Catching up to him, and leaving Bonnie alone, like it had caught up to Nille. Catching up to Bonnie-

He tried not to think too hard.

His legs shook with every step. Bonnie was not too heavy for them to carry, of course not, but they were exhausted.

He set them down.

“Frin?” Bonnie asked, tilting their head.

“Break time.” He stated, slumping down next to them.

Bonnie nodded easily, laying their head on his shoulder, “Do you think.. that we will find a clean town?”

Clean town, dirty town… That’s how they’d taken to differentiating curse affected towns from normal ones. Bonnie had come up with it.

They were yet to find a clean town.

“Maybe. But only after tomorrow, Bug.” There was no use promising a certain date, but wording it like that was kinder, he thought.

“You think so?”

Siffrin smiled. “Yeah, for sure, Bon.”

He'd just had to make sure to word it differently, next time.

Then, suddenly, out of the corner of their eye...

They rested there for a few minutes. The forest was not quiet, as wind was picking up, making the leaves rustle loudly.

A sadness. Paper type, by the looks of it.

They hurried to stand so they could pick Bonnie and run, but…

Three people were fighting it.

Well.. fighting it seemed like a stretch. It looked like they were struggling against it, in Siffrin's personal opinion.

Really struggling. One of them was K.O.’d, the other looked like a rock type, and the other…

He swallowed. He looked at Bonnie, who was dozing off in his arms, and made a decision.

"Bon, hey," he nudged them, and they turned to him, "Stay here for a sec, I will be right back, okay?"

Bonnie blinked, and nodded, their eyes full of trust.

Siffrin smiled, patted their shoulder.

Then, he lunged forward.

"AH!!" One of the strangers exclaimed, and fell back in surprise. He ignored him, and attacked the sadness with their favorite attack, and exclaimed:

"Knife to meet you!" as they attacked.

He fell on his feet, the sadness poofing behind him, and he huffed a shaky breath. He then turned to the strangers, an easy smile on his face, "Hello," he waved.

They stared silently for a few seconds.

The one in the middle- a girl- smiled wide, and reached forward to grab their hand, "Hello! Thank you so much for your help!" She beamed.

Siffrin jolted a bit from the sudden contact, but smiled back, "It was, uh, it was no problem!"

One of the other two who were hanging back, an older lady, nodded along, "Yes, thank you." She said, looking out of breath, "That sadness..."

"Was tough! Really tough!" The other person exclaimed, "I could barely get a hit in!"

"Good thing I took it by surprise then-" Siffrin said, turning back his head to look for Bonnie, "I- nice to meet you, really, but-"

"Wait, wait, wait!" The girl said, not letting go of his hand, "Quest! We're on a quest, to stop the king's curse!!"

Siffrin turned back to her quickly at that, "The... curse? Like the freezing?"

"Yes!" She beamed, "And you seem strong! Won't you join us?"

Siffrin blinked, gaping a little, "Me?"

"Yes, you!" The girl insisted.

"I-" They paused, thinking. If they could help them... then, Nille...

"Okay, I'll help!" He said resolutely.

The man behind the girl put a hand on her shoulder, "Mira! Won't you introduce us?" 

She blushed, "Right! I'm Mirabelle, I'm immune to the King's curse! He," She pointed to the man, "Is Isabeau, and she," She pointed to the lady who was still catching her breath, "Is Madame Odile! What's your name?"

Siffrin smiled, "I'm Siffrin- and I have my little sibling with me back there," He pointed back to the bushes with his thumb, and took a step back, "I'll uh, be right back?"

Mirabelle's eyebrows shot up in surprise, "Oh! Oh, uh! Sure!"

He quickly ran back to his sibling, trying to calm his still racing heart, "Bonnie, you can come out now." He said, pushing aside a bush.

Bonnie's head popped up behind it, "Was that a sadness?" They asked, "I heard people. Did we find a town?"

Siffrin ruffled their hair, making them groan playfully, "No, but I did find some nice people who say they're gonna stop the freezing."

Bonnie stood up, surprised, "REALLY?"

He smiled, "Yes, really! They want us to tag along, what do you think?" He asked gently, already knowing the answer.

"CRAB YEAH!" Bonnie exclaimed, excited, "Nille- she- she's gonna be okay!!!" They smiled a toothy grin, relieved.

Siffrin nodded, patting their shoulder, "Yeah, yeah."

He took their hand in theirs, and walked back to Mirabelle's party. They ignored how tired they felt, and gave everyone a easy smile.

Chin up, Siffrin. You've got a sister to save.

[maestro04yayyy]

Random musings, but Chloe's perspective on relationships, as I tend to write it, is fascinating not just in how its very informed by the awful adults around her, but also seems very clear cut but the moment she tries to apply it, it doesn't even stay coherent, but she tries anyway cos this is all she knows.

For reference it was largely inspired by observation and a discussion with an excellent author, but basically, in Chloe's world there is the accessory and the wearer, the weak personality and the strong personality, follower & leader.

Gabriel and Audrey were leader, Andrey & Emilie Accessories.

The job of the former is to make decisions, guide and protect the occasionally reward the former. While the latters duty was to listen, assist, praise and enable the leader. This is her idea of a healthy relationship and the people modelling it were... Well even worse than that sounds.

This is basically how she acted in accordance with Sabrina, with Chloe as leader & intern, she made herself an 'accessory' to Ladybug & Audrey without a second thought.

However, as said, this doesn't hold up under scrutiny.

On a more... positive bent, her relationship with Adrien is extremely fluid. Chloe expects to lead, but also looks to or listens to Adrien when he seems better suited to the task. Though Adrien himself seems a little unsure how to handle the latter times.

Meanwhile on a more messed up level is her relationship with Andre.

Where-in she's basically doing an elaborate role-play of her mother for her father (& mother, but Audrey doesn't notice) where it looks like she has command. But we see Andrey will yank on her chain the moment she inconveniences him, and that she has to layer it in in with a lot of praise and affection that just feels... Off. Which is a heavy contrast to Audrey & Gabriel being stiff, cold and distant at best, which Chloe also demonstrates with Sabrina when they aren't doing 'playing'. IE, most of the time.

I think on some level Chloe liked but also couldn't contextualize the idea of an equal partnership and Adrien was about as close as she got to that, but again, she can't consciously acknowledge that without undermining her entire world view so she... struggles.

In the Context of Chloleka AU, I imagine Juleka's also sort of scrambled her wiring a little, or more, that Chloe is trying to parse out who is in what role. But as said, this idea of a relationship doesn't actually work when put into practice; it can't work and stay coherent without being essentially revised for each and every relationship, making it kind of worthless even outside the toxicity.

But I digress, this would definitely be fed into with Juleka's modelling and anything Chloe can do to aid in that. She can be 'useful' in this scenario, which gives her a nice dose of self worth, but also matters cos it helps define roles. The trick her is, Chloe kind of wants to be Juleka's accessory, IE be the subject of intense devotion and aggressive passion and protectiveness. But, she also wants to be useful, to give good advice, to help up-lift Juleka.

But it can't be a partnership, because those don't exist, right?

Uhhh that's a nice analysis and yeah it's pretty accurate and on point!!!!!!

And it's always hood when we aknowledge that chloe wanted a good relationship with adrien!!!! And she actually values him and his ideas!!!!!! Even if she knows she shouldn't because she is the leader!!!!

Also when chloe get exposed to the idea that a couple can be made of two equals and not a leader and a follower, it's gotta blow her mind(and probably she would be in denial for a long time)

[prisoner-000]

"Cat" - Lyrics + Translation Analysis

As it happens to be Kazui's birthday, let's talk about the lyrics in Cat some more - Mostly using the official translation (since it's accurate for the most part) with a few exceptions. I'm not great at Japanese and only know a few words, so whenever further translation was needed, I hit the books. If I miss any context, feel free to add on!

I believe Cat, at its core, is about Kazui's decision to confess his love to an unseen second person in his MV OR confessing his 'sin' to his wife. This song is not about Hinako/his wife, though she plays an important role in the visuals of the song.

Alright, let's start with some minor things.

Lie, until it gets better, follow the king of the masquerade

This pretty much stays the exact same in Japanese, with the exception of a reference to "kyogen", a japanese form of traditional drama. 'Kyogen'-type theater usually serves as intermissions between the longer and more serious 'Noh' plays, in which actors wear masks. Kyogen is more comedic in nature and uses slapstick.

(This line has probably been analyzed to death: It's a pretty clear indicator of Kazui being a self-declared 'master of deception'/having lied his whole life about something, like he mentions in his Voice Drama.)

Since when have I ignored my feelings?/It’s better to be a let down, than to be let down yourself/I just wanted to touch, to caress/I just wanted to be touched

(Nothing interesting to add translation wise. I believe this batch of lyrics is Kazui wrestling with himself over whether he should tell the truth or not: In my opinion, this is about him being unsure whether to confess his love to the unseen second person in the scene we see later in his MV. (or if you're on copium like me, the bartender guy...))

So it’s wrong? Oh shove that!/INNOCENT, isn’t that right?/Maybe, perhaps… or… could it come true… like/It’s for the sake of true love, who wouldn’t lie for that?

The only notable difference in translation is, in classic MILGRAM fashion, the word 'INNOCENT' being 'FORGIVEN' in the Japanese version. So, y'know. We know this.

(This is the only lyric that is a bit of a puzzle to me. Kazui believes he was in the right for lying to his wife/Hinako, because he couldn't have lived in a society where he'd be seen as strange or an outsider. So, he did what everyone else does around him: Once he's an older adult, he gets married. Not sure what the 'true love' part is about, in this case - maybe he believes to reach that desire he craves, he has to put up this charade.)

Love (plus) Destiny = Crap, smash it, shatter it, bye-bye/That sticky-sweet sequence: Dinner + Camouflage + You-Know-What/Loving Affection (minus) Love, it’s tacky, this two-way deceit/Victim and Perpetrator, let’s keep it simple

Hate to disappoint but Kazui is not making an awesome reference to sex with "You-Know-What" - 'nanchatte' is used more like "what a joke" in this context. In the sense that - this is just what everyone does, you already know the rest of the story.

Interesting to note is that the official english lyrics were changed at some point: The third line of this batch used to say this:

Devotion (minus) love, lame, cheating

I think this may have been changed to remove the reference to 'cheating'. In English, cheating can be used as both cheating at games and as cheating in relationships - while in Japanese, these terms are very different. The term used in Japanese still seems to mean 'cheating' in the game way, fitting Kazui's gambling/showman theme.

(I think these lines are pretty clear to read from a story perspective. Kazui isn't actually in love with his wife and presents their relationship as a lie, he's 'cheating' at the game of love. Also, 'camouflage/disguise' is an interesting choice of words - disguising himself as what, trying to fit in with who? The norm, methinks. He wants to appeal to what everyone else is doing.)

Phew, oh wow I’m drunk/Hey, so what if I said I liked-liked you, what would you do?

The english variant of this text uses 'like-like', and I'm not too sure why. The japanese version uses 'daisuki', perhaps a bit of a more cutesy way to say 'love' than 'aishiteru'. Maybe the intention in the japanese text is a more childish tone due to Kazui's intoxication.

(This lyric, in my opinion, is the big moment the first few batches of lyrics have been building to: Kazui confesses his feelings to whoever this mystery person is in a state of intoxication.)

I just wanted to ask, so it’s out in the open/I just got a little greedy

(Nothing too interesting translation wise. "I wanted to ask" obviously refers to "What would you do?" Pretty self-explanatory as well. Kazui believes his confession was selfish. He likely feels bad for his wife.)

All those things I wanna do that I can’t say out loud/I gotta keep it inside and act/The beating of this heart… see… it’s no longer about good and bad… it isn’t/I realize the futility, but I still can’t help but dream

'I gotta keep it inside and act' would perhaps be more accurately translated to 'I gotta drink it up and swallow it'. Reference to substance abuse. Awesome.

(I love repressed people!!! Kazui, since indulging in his desire and confessing his feelings, isn't sure about his place in the world. It's no longer about good or bad, his desire is impossible to make a reality, his only escape is fantasizing. Which leads us back to his constant references to 'dreaming', all the way to his lyrics in UNDERCOVER.)

I can’t stop, I can’t be normal/This feeling, it can’t be gratified/I can’t stop, I can’t be normal/This feeling, it’s yearning to be satisfied

(Oh boy, we're on yearning now, huh. More dilemmas in his head - he's fighting with himself on if his 'unnatural' desire is wrong, but he knows he can't live with himself if he doesn't fulfill it.)

Let's take a breather

(Unsure. Some translations say this is also 'Just a quick smoke/I need a quick smoke'. Maybe smoking is supposed to represent him indulging in his desire at this moment. That, or he wants a break from his inner conflict - Or even confessing to his wife is a 'breather'.)

Love (plus) Destiny = Crap, smash it, shatter it, bye-bye/To be caressed by you, that would be perfection/I wanted to be loved, just like a cat/Maybe act capricious, on my word and at my fancy

Here's an interesting difference between the Japanese and English versions! In the original version, 'caressed' is 'pet'/'stroked'. The translation also removes the 'you' from the third line. So maybe this would be a little more accurate:

To be pet by you, that would be perfection/I wanted you to love me like a cat

Unfortunately, I have no idea what the last line is supposed to be in the original. DeepL translated it as 'I might want to leave it with you on a whim' - other sites translate it as something among the lines of 'making a deposit'. I'm at a loss of how to interpret this line. LOL.

(Perhaps important context to add is that, in Japanese context, 'being loved like a cat' would be receiving love but not giving much in return. People have pointed out the gay slang 'neko' reference to this about a dozen times before, and even though the lyrics do not use the kanji associated with the slang term, I believe it could have some merit.)

Lie, until it gets better, follow the king of the masquerade/Lick that sin and oppose punishment, until you can meet the king of the masquerade

(This is a pretty 1:1 translation. What does 'lick that sin' mean? Man what do I know. It's another cat reference, though! I think the last line is referring to his verdict in the first trial, maybe. Perhaps Kazui is building up his lies even more, in some way, and repressing himself more? I'm a little unsure. It is plausible that he's growing more comfortable in his persona.)

Overall, I believe this song is Kazui finally coming to that decision of confessing his love for the unknown person. 'Half' may have been about him contemplating it, which would make 'Cat' a pretty direct continuation of this little story - I wonder if his third trial song might end the story!

I'm personally of the opinion that Kazui's 'desire' is either of the nature that he just can't stay in relationships for too long without getting bored (which cracks in some places, especially in the MV) or that he is some flavor of LGBT which is more taboo in Japan, especially for male role models like him - a cop, big, strong, masculine... Obviously he'd be pressured to enter a heteronormative life.

This was really fun to do! I might do this sort of thing with more future MILGRAM songs, so if you have any requests, let me know! If you have anything to add translation-wise, feel free to correct me. Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed!

[christmasintheloonybin]

I want to talk about why I am so upset with Agnes but it is because of stupid decisions she makes which I feel reflect poorly on me by association. I really do feel responsible for her. I feel like I am her brother and boyfriend and dad and also like her caretaker or something, like she has some serious developmental disability. because when I am not around to tell her to act right she behaves as if she does. and this is the complicated part - she has a boyfriend sort of and he's really pathetic, I like the guy for her because he's harmless but he really has no backbone at all. and when she ruins her life and has nowhere to turn she knows that if I am upset with her I will turn her away but this guy always takes her back. she's cheated on him multiple times, she's kind of a bad person. he's the guy who didn't like me because I used to be racist or whatever. but I feel bad particularly for this guy, because it's going to affect him more than it does anyone. when she makes bad choices and ruins her life he will sort it out for her and then she'll be off to ruin her life again if I'm not there to stop her. again, she is a bad person.

I like Agnes very much we are very good friends but she is like a lot of young women in that she just kind of drifts around and chameleons to whatever environment she in. you know what I mean? a lot of young women don't really have a WILL that they want to impose upon the world. they just sort of match whatever situation they find themselves in. men too I guess but especially young women. I don't mean this in a misogynist way its just an observation I've made, I don't really care either way and I don't think it's good or bad. to have excessive will is very antisocial. anyways, when she's around me it's good, around other people it's bad. I have only good intentions in my heart. as I said I feel totally responsible for her. she is seriously like my daughter and I feel so fucking annoyed and irritated when she doesn't listen to me and makes stupid choices.

if I had an actual daughter though I feel like she would turn out right, I mean she would have good self esteem and a backbone. I haven't known Agnes that long and she was an adult with a developed brain (she's older than me!) so while maybe I could have some ideological influence I guess at the end of the day it doesn't stick if your brain is already wired to be non-ideological and, again, to make stupid fucking decisions.

[whispdoodle]

Stuck like a tattoo.

synopsis: Nicholas D. Wolfwood considers his life as mundane as possible, and at this point doesn't expect any surprises. Naturally, all of that gets thrown out the window the moment he meets a small but feisty distressed damsel with a truck problem right in front of the coffee joint where he works.

WARNINGS: the series will be rated as Explicit later on, as the plot develops! NO WARNINGS for this chapter, first meetings and dork galore ahead!

Pairing: Meryl Stryfe x Nicholas D. Wolfwood

No. 1

The only other thing accompanying the unusually annoying sound of a traditional alarm clock are the groans of a clearly disinterested in waking up man and the rustles of the bed sheets. The mattress dips underneath the weight that is now firmly pressed to the edge of the bed. Nicholas hits the clock, yet it rings still. Don't test me, motherfucker. He hits it again, more forceful, and this time the alarm dies out. God, that is the shittiest way to wake up. He knows it. Just as much as he knows how badly it affects his mornings. But, it can't be helped. The first day he was supposed to get to work, Nicholas set an alarm on his phone. Thing is... considering the damn thing is touch sensitive, and considering this dumbass usually falls asleep with his phone in his hand after using it, I believe it is needless to say that Nick simply slid the turn off button as soon as the alarm began to blare while turning around in his bed.

So that option had to go, obviously.

While the traditional clock is a kick in the nuts, it definitely does its job. Nick reaches out for it, and squints while trying to make out if he even set the thing correctly. '5:02'. Alright. So he DID set it right. His free hand swipes across his tanned face, a rather exasperated exhale rolling off his tongue. C'mon Nico, nothing else to do but move your ass. And he does just that. The clock is nonchalantly tossed onto the sheets behind him, and the grumpy 'adult' slowly rises to his feet. Like a senior with scoliosis, if you can picture that. He stretches, his voice cutting off as his bones creak in every frequency a bone can make. The fact he even listened to Milly last night and thought 'yeah let's drink the clean 20%, what's the worst that can happen!?' makes him think there's something to it when Livio calls him a dumbass.

Because that DEFINITELY wasn't a smart decision, he'll admit that free of charge. Ugh, whatever. It's not like he can call in work and say 'sorry, can't make it today. I've got a bitch of a hangover because I can't say no to my bestie'. If that's not getting him thrown out right onto his ass, then he's gotta be Harry fucking Houdini.

That in mind, Nick simply fixes the crotch of his boxers and lazily waddles out of his bedroom.

The squishy corridor is blessedly dark and filled with happy snores coming from within the room opposite of Nick's. Still a whole while before the big guy has to get up, Nick simply tip toes past the room and into the living room/kitchen/entrance. Yup, the apartment definitely wasn't the biggest out there. But at least paying the rent didn't hurt as much as it usually would. And most importantly...

As soon as his foot presses to the fake wooden flooring of the kitchen, a warm press of a furry fat rubs against Nick's ankle. The adorable black feline looks up at her owner, pupils dilated at maximum, making her charm even more irresistible than ever. She meows, like she even needed to work extra to ensnare Nick in her cute spell. He knew exactly what she wanted, actually thankful she waited patiently for him to get up without the encouragement this time. The encouragement being Kuroneko laying her belly on his face until he starts suffocating, which does startle him awake. Shocker, I know.

Better to give this little criminal what she wants before she switches her tactics to arson.

The rest of his morning is extremely bland to be honest. Kuroneko gets fed, leaving towards Nick's bedroom afterwards. Planning on nesting in his unmade bed, if he had to guess. He eats his own breakfast: warm toast bread with jam and cheese, gets dressed, grabs his wallet and phone and with a heavy heart leaves. Almost 6 around the clock, and despite his shift starting at 7, well... the bus ride IS a long one. But at least he makes it to the stop on time today. If he missed the damn bus, again, his manager would definitely get his ass again and he'd spend the rest of the shift being coddled by Milly. AGAIN. Don't get him wrong, he absolutely adores that woman. But she really has to ease up with her motherly instincts. She worries, he gets it. But Nick's a big boy. And the last thing he wants is for someone as sweet and kind as his best friend to waste her mental health on him. She's been an angel for both him and Livio ever since they've met, and so far? He didn't do squat to repay that kindness. The fact she still sticks around is just another proof there's not an ounce of malice in that girl's heart. Too good for this world, one might say.

So dizzy from sleep, Nick almost misses his stop. This time of year, it was still fairly dark outside, even at this hour. Still a hefty walk away from the café, Nick checks his phone for time: 6:24. Alright, that's actually not bad. He should be there about 10 minutes early. Should give him enough room to prep the machines and slip into the apron. He's also gonna have to check the produce for-

"God damn it!"

If that doesn't cause his entire body to straight up jolt. Nick absolutely freezes in place, frantically looking around for the source of the noise. And surely, he finds it, as soon as there's a slam of a head against a truck that parked right in front of an empty loft. "I wanna die..." Yeah darling, you're not the first, you won't be the last. No reason to scream about it though, giving some poor pedestrian a near-death experience.

And just as he was about to pray to whatever god was going to listen to please, PLEASE let him pass unnoticed... "Oh! Hey, wait! You there! Th-The black dressed... person!" She was waving. Waving, for him. With so much vigor Nick was almost certain that another flap of that wrist will cause it to fly away for the winter season. He hated this. He just wanted to get to his shitty work, make shitty coffee, and then get back to his shitty apartment. Where, oddly, life was a bit less shitty. Yet when he turned towards the clearly distressed damsel, and saw those pathetically sad puppy eyes, which he SWORE were sparkling, well...

He sucked in a breath, scrunched up his nose, and walked over. Whoever she was, the lady was practically hanging off the truck's hood while her distress slowly changed to relief the closer he got. So not only was he expected to help, but it was already set in that girly's tiny mind that he was the solution to all her problems. Not that he minds turning out to be a disappointment. The guy had plenty of practice for that.

...might as well.

-

Half an hour, a piss poor excuse to his boss and one fixed tire later and finally there's some semblance of peace and quiet. Despite the café being open, 7:30 is usually the most unproductive time around these parts. And thank the Lord in Heaven for that, because if Nico was to deal with people somehow knowing how to do his job better than he does this early in the morning, then he wouldn't have even gone to jail. People with the kinda thoughts that sometimes go through his head are just stuffed in a straitjacket and tossed in a safe room.

"Oh, I needed that." Comes in the voice of the only other living being in the shop, currently occupying one of the green leather stools by the main counter. Between her hands is grasped a single white mug with a leaf print at the bottom, a faded brown for a color. Like an afterthought, his boss says. Like a shitty coffee stain, Nick corrects in his head. The drink currently residing within isn't the grandest of his creations, but it seems a lukewarm cappuccino on coconut milk with caramel syrup and cinnamon powder is good enough for the missy. "Well, glad ya like it." He honestly didn't have much else to say. When Meryl was done introducing herself and thanking for the help with a flat tire, somehow the conversation turned to her mentioning she didn't have her coffee yet, not an actual breakfast. Whatever the latter meant, Nick had no clue, but since the cafe was literally across, well... he offered. And that's how they got here. With Meryl attending to her long time coming drink, and to a white cheese and pastrami sandwich waiting on the side.

"Mm!" Nick's attention turns, from the glass he's been setting with the rest on display, back on the woman with a mouthful of that sandwich she looks desperate to swallow before saying anything. She sure looks like a strange one, at least strange for someone dressed like her to be so well-mannered. Don't get him wrong, her neatly cut hair and a pair of minimalistic golden earrings definitely sold the 'I'm a woman on top' kinda feel. It's everything else that didn't really add up, from the half-cut grey top more displaying than exposing the hibiscus-patterned tattoos down the length of her entire right arm, to the shorts that were so short they would be enough to cause a crime rate to rise on an instant. Well, if it weren't for the solid black stockings at least, but even those were torn in places, and these tears? Yeah, definitely self-made.

"...done?"

It's her voice that gets his head outta his ass, the man blinking twice before his tongue turns from lead to an actual functioning muscle once more. "What?" The way this single word comes out makes him sound like he just woke up from a daze, a mental cringe in his part for that one.

"I said: 'Are you done?' because you've been kinda ogling me for the past 2 minutes." And at that moment, Nick thought to himself 'yeah, that's fair'. Because as much as he wants to pretend like he's having none of that, well... he's pretty damn sure his sights were set directly on her god damn thighs by the time she caught him, which, by the way, have no shitting right to be so ample on somebody this, uh... small. "2 minutes?" He asks, head turning towards the clock on the wall behind him, though he shifts his attention back to Meryl way too quickly to make it look genuine. "Pretty sure it's been at least 4."

He doesn't miss how that makes her smile.

"Ha. Ha. Look at me, laughing so hard my side's cramping." This girl can go ahead and serve her monotonne, sarcastic answer left and right, Nick encourages it in fact. Hell, he'll contribute to the attitude, so long as he sees the dimples in the corners of her mouth to make their appearance every damn time. "Shit, that's a dangerous thing, doll. Let me know when you start losing balance on that stool." Taking another sip of her coffee, Meryl's brows crease and her eyes narrow: suspicion painted all over that expression. "Why? So you can come to the rescue and be a knight in shining armor?" Her lips trail her upper lip as she's done talking, cleaning up the mustache of sweet coconut milk foam that formed there.

Cute, he notes. Actually, scratch that, very cute. Ridiculously so, in fact.

He scoffs, a mock expression akin to both a sarcastic insult and something along the lines of 'are you dumb' message. "So I can get the phone on time and record it?" And call him a brat with an inflated ego, he does not give a shit. And would you want to know why? Because the way Meryl snorts into her mug, trying to conceal that ridiculous smile with it as she practically dives half her face inside, is absolutely worth it. He might even admit - and he knows just how crazy that makes him sound - that perhaps this morning isn't as miserable as he expected it to be.

-

"Wait." Meryl's fingers move across the screen of Nick's phone, pinching at the center and spreading out after. "Your cat's name is 'Kuroneko'?" The way she raises her perfectly picked out eyebrow at him with that sly smile tells him everything. He is, most definitely and without a doubt, about to get shit on. "I... Look, before you start, yeah: the name's Japanese. But I didn't pick it, my little brother did. He watches anime, said it suits her." If this thing actually costs him a chance with the cute tattooed girl he met like an hour ago, he's never letting Liv forget the betrayal he felt at that moment. Meryl actually chuckles, it's a small thing and short at that, but it does make her shoulders hiccup. "I mean... yeah! Yeah, the name DEFINITELY suits her!"

Okay. At this point, Nick's curiosity definitely overtakes the awkward shame. He has to know. And so, he pulls out his phone. Types into the translator, sets the translation from Japanese to English and... "You... are shitting me." The way Meryl tried ever so diligently to choke down her own laughter was all the answer he needed: this was real. This was real, and his brother was a stain on the society for this. "So, um..." She talked with the barely contained laughter just oozing out of her tone, smiling like a complete dork while leaning forth onto the counter propped by her folded forearms. "Did you realize-"

"Did I realize that my fucking black cat's name is 'black cat'!? YES I'D SAY I DID!" That was the last encouragement Meryl seemed to need in order to absolutely let loose. The wheeze that followed was nothing short of amazing. Like an old vacuum cleaner from the 90s. Once it's swallowed so much dust all it does is choke- you see the picture, right? She nearly falls off the stool, she does! So keen on enjoying the miserable shame that Nicholas has to endure because of Livio. Though, let's be real... if he really did mind, he wouldn't be laughing alongside her.

"Fucking Christ, calm down wheezy G." And well, it does seem to only break the woman further. "WHEEZY-!" She repeats, before bursting into an even more maniacal laughter. Nick will say this: first time he saw her? This is definitely NOT the kinda attitude he expected her to have. Meryl seems so... free with how she acts. If she's happy, then she's happy. No matter how ridiculous it makes her look, it feels right for her so she just does it. Ah, well... Nick at least would never consider a trait like that ridiculous.

If he'd have to use a word, it would be... admirable.

-

The rest of the day fades to the fog, really. Meryl has to leave to get some stuff for her studio, and afterwards Nick stops smiling as genuinely as he did with her. He just works through his shift, makes some overpriced brews, and after 4 p.m. his late night shift comes to dismiss him and he goes home. That's pretty much every day, Monday to Saturday for this guy. Wake up, work and go home. Except tonight, he does smack Livio across the back of his head, saying 'you know what you did' before leaving the dumbfounded bear of a man to his lonesome.

The ball of fur spitting nightmare makes herself comfortable the second Nick's ass lands on his bed. Her belly is already up and on display, and the man doesn't even hesitate to start rubbing at the hairs that definitely need a good grooming at this point. The day wasn't horrible. In fact, it wasn't even bad. Because seriously, how can he pretend it's been bad? When in his free hand he's already holding the stick up note with Meryl's number on it? Honestly, Nick was always less than optimistic when it came to meeting strangers. He knew how to leave things without the relations going sour, but if he were to choose then he'd rather the meeting never happened in the first place.

But not with Meryl. He'd say for he wished wouldn't realize he was walking by this morning, she definitely made it worthwhile.

He'll call her. He has to, right? He should, at least. Kuroneko purrs, enjoying how Nick's doubling his efforts while spoiling that one particular spot underneath her right arm. She gave him that number, so it wouldn't be weird to call her. He thinks. He... hopes?

He overthinks. But that's a sure sign this whole thing really is worth the anxiety he knows it'll bring about.

He will call her. That's the one promise he's not breaking.

Thank you all for reading! This is the first chapter to come for the MerylWood series that I'm working on currently! I wanted to do something based on the coffee shop/tattoo artist AU for the longest time! Hope y'all liked the first installment! Sharing and liking helps the algorithm, so I'd appreciate it ✨

[scorbleeo]

Drama Review: Tale of the Nine-Tailed 1938

Source: Google Images

An unexpected case leads Lee Yeon back in time to 1938, where he reencounters Ryu Hong Joo. Once a guardian spirit of the mountain in the west, she's now the owner of a high-end restaurant in the capital city of Gyeongseong. He also meets his younger brother Lee Rang. Meanwhile, another former guardian spirit and ex-friend Cheon Moo Young has become hostile. Lee Yeon struggles to return to the present, to his loved one.

Source: MyDramaList (2023)

One of the Most Unserious Dramas Out There

Before we start: I did not watch the first one and am not planning to watch it at all. Going into Tale of the Nine-Tailed 1938 I admit I had to do a Q&A with my sister to understand what happened between the Lee brothers in this drama's modern world. However, one does not actually need to watch the previous drama to watch this and honestly speaking, from what I saw and knew about it, Tale of the Nine-Tailed 1938 is a whole lot more interesting and fun.

That being said, lets get on with how I felt about this drama. I am not kidding when I say, this is the most unserious drama for a drama anyone would think to be serious. Practically half of this drama was comedy and that is a praise. The comedy bit plays a part in making Tale of the Nine-Tailed 1938 so darn interesting and fun. Yet, this show also pulls on your heartstrings be it the brothers, the best friends or the best friends' righthand people.

I understand romance was a huge part of the first instalment but in this, it was just a tiny bit and I believe that is why I freaking loved watching this drama. In terms of what romance there was, I have no complains too. I mean, I adore the mermaid and the only complain I have is that I wished we could have gotten more scenes with her powers. When Rang said he liked someone who's stronger than him, he was not lying. The way Yeohee was written was right up my alley, she may not be as powerful as Rang but she saved him more times than he saved her and even when she was in danger, she still did not back down on a losing fight. For that reason, Yeohee is I really thought I would dislike the mermaid but nope, I love her.

Another thing I seriously love about Tale of the Nine-Tailed 1938 was the friendships. Any friendship in this drama was a pleasure to watch. Obviously, the friendship among our three mountain gods was my favourite. Don't get me wrong, Yeon is extremely lovable but in this trio, I need to worship my lady, Hongjoo and lovingly protect the cinnamon roll, Mooyoung. These three portrayed my kind of friendship where they were tight as children, still tight as adults and even with unfortunate circumstances, they might hate but they love each other more. Of course, the friendship among the roommates was a delight too. I only highlighted my top two favourites but I am not lying when I claim that this show did friendships so well.

Now, now. We have a problem though. At the beginning of this drama, Taluipa told Yeon even if he changes something in 1938, it does not affect 2023. I think its safe for me to say that we do not want that to be true, right? I am just willing to believe that what Taluipa said meant that Rang would still be dead in 2023, nothing Yeon did in 1938 changed Rang's decision in the future. I would even go as far to say that, everything Yeon did in 1938 further encouraged Rang to make that choice in the future. That is all I am willing to believe because I hear there's a third season and I need my best friends and roommates reunited to fight (without a doubt) the original mountain god. Yes, I know I said all I am willing to believe is that Rang is still dead but that's because I am sure there will be no Nine-Tailed dramas without both Lee brothers alive.

When the next instalment comes out, I will watch it as long as Hongjoo and Mooyoung are still around (if Jaeyoo, Miyeon and Yeohee are too, even better). I don't even care if there will be more romance although I wish there wouldn't be.

Rating: ★★★★★

P.S.: Anyone else felt that the big bad villains were so pathetic as compared to the smaller villains?

[cassandragemini]

invitation to infodump about your ocs 👍 if you want a specific prompt: what is the Big Change that drives their story? how does it affect them?

i got this ask last night and wrote like 80% of this right before bed and then i fell asleep and then i forgot about it until right now i got home for the day. Whoops

misha getting turned into a werebear and tseren witnessing her extremely painful was the thing that kinda permanently altered their relationship forever and give tseren a weird complex about trying to protect misha however he can but their main shared Story Defining Event was tseren stabbing his fiancé out of pure desperation a couple days before his parents were going to make him marry a man. misha willingly chose to stay by his friends side and the two of them left everything they’d ever known in the middle of the night. and the catalyst for the current state of their relationship was a slowly developing Category 5 Lesbian Situationship Event that lead to a major fight after misha suddenly realized that some unspoken resentment and other things had lead to them developing some weird codependency issues that were slowly beginning to severely straintheir relationship. she tried confronting tseren about it and telling him that maybe they possibly might need some distance but tseren has 30 million billion abandonment issues so he perceived that as his friend suddenly being hostile for no reason and he reacted Poorly to say the least. the ensuing massive argument ended with misha just telling him that she wouldnt talk to him until he finally got his shit together and stopped acting like a fucking child and she just walked out and left for several months which was the most time theyd spent without each other Ever. any time i mention the oomf divorce this is what im talking about. anyway the much needed distance (although misha would later admit that the amount of time was a bit harsh) and later reconciliation after months of not seeing each other was what allowed them both to finally start untangling their emotions a bit and get slightly more normal so after a Lot of talking between two butches who are not good at verbalizing their emotions theyre bffs again. and later this lead to them both slowly independently realizing that unrealized romantic feelings had bled into their relationship a very long time ago and had been one of the things causing more strain

lou has 2 major Events, getting framed for a murder he didnt commit, and being bitten by a werewolf but im actually currently debating changing the order those events happened. initially i wrote that he got bit and started doing odd and questionable legal jobs to try to make a living while constantly being on the move to avoid being found out . However. the alternative idea im tossing around rn is that he was framed but saw an opportunity to run for it while being transported to jail. he got chased and had to make the split second decision between getting caught by lawmen or run into a dangerous section of the woods and he choose the woods and did end up getting lightly chewed by something in the dark but its fine he walked it off (he stumbled onto some random persons porch and fainted from blood loss right then and there)

unlike everyone else adelitas life is great actually. she just started traveling and living as a human thief cause she wanted to see the world and have fun. as a kid she saw a wanted poster for some cool looking outlaw and decided "I WANT TO DO THAT" and one day as an adult she got bored and decided to finally commit to her larping dreams

[themosleyreview]

The Mosley Review: Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse

Right now in the animation world, there is a lack of heavy themes. Outside of the Pixar mold, even if they've been overly exposed in my opinion, there hasn't been an animated film that delves into the character's thought processes, motivations and or even the very complicated decisions that life throws at your feet everyday. I have missed that type of storytelling in animated films and its about time somebody brought it back to life. The first film in this animated Spider-Verse series was groundbreaking in taking the standard coming of age thematic elements and aging it up with the amount existential questioning and sometimes adult approach. Its what made that film stand out among the rest of the superhero genre. This film continues that excellence in storytelling and takes it to another level for many of the characters. The exploration into the character and idea of a hero is explored to another level and in a way that I haven't seen handled with such care since maybe the Nolan era of the Batman films. The persona of Spider-Man and all the responsibility and sacrifices that comes with it is on display and makes you understand the weight of every decision he, Spider-Gwen and all the other iterations make. The spectacle is even more spectacular in execution and this film elevates what is possible in animation with its unique flare and influences from many other cultures. It may feel a bit crowded at times with the introduction of the Spider Society, but the amazing cast keeps you focused on the main objective of the story.

Hailee Steinfeld returns as Gwen Stacy / Spider-Woman / Spider-Gwen and she takes the character to new depths. We get to see her heartbreaking backstory that sets the tone of the entire film. I loved her interactions with her dad, George Stacy, portrayed wonderfully by Shea Whigham. The chemistry between them was amazing, heart shattering and beautiful in so many ways. Her story adds a new perspective and is a cautionary tale about secrets and possibly betraying the trust of those you care about. Shameik Moore returns as Miles Morales / Spider-Man and I loved how he has grown into his own. I loved the fact that he leans more into his Latino side of his heritage and his strong connection to his family. The many levels of balancing a superhero life, a regular life and how it affects his relationships with his parent are at the heart of his story. The chemistry with his parents portrayed once again by Bryan Tyree Henry and Luna Lauren Vélez as Jefferson and Rio Morales was electric. The stress and emotional turmoil between them was well done and didn't stray into the standard cheese you see in most films. Their scenes together whether it was Miles and Jefferson or Miles and Rio, were truly the heart and soul of the character and the film. The chemistry between Gwen and Miles has never been stronger and more strained in the best ways possible. Their friendship is tested to heightened level and it makes for a great dramatic beat that most films ignore or handle poorly. We get introduced to some new Spider people and I loved every one of them. Karan Soni was fun and charming as Pavitr Prabhakar / Spider-Man India and I loved the visuals of his world. He was hilarious with his quips and in a short amount of time, you get to see the heart of the character. Daniel Kaluuya was awesome and perfectly rebellious as Hobart "Hobie" Brown / Spider-Punk. I audibly cheered seeing him on screen because I've loved his attitude and anti establishment motivations nature. He represented a new lesson and belief structure that Miles needed in his life. Issa Rae was great as Jessica Drew / Spider-Woman and I loved that even though she is pregnant, she doesn't shy away from the action and her commanding presence is always felt. Jason Schwartzman was excellent as the new antagonist of the film Dr. Jonathan Ohnn / The Spot. A great villain always has a personal connection to the main character and he does in a familiar, but fun way. He begins as a villain of the week type, but his progression into the main threat was done in a fresh and fascinating way. Oscar Issac returns as the fan favorite Miguel O'Hara / Spider-Man 2099 and I loved the direct yet ominous nature of the character. He was inventive and intense in a way that made you question if he is actually a hero or villain. Oscar's portrayal of the characters’ determination to complete his goal was excellent and made for a fascinating character study.

Composer Daniel Pemberton returns and continues to deliver fantastic work that picks up from the first film with familiar and new themes for Gwen Stacy and one that is as chaotic and energetic for Spider-Punk. The modern hip hop infusion with the traditional, emotional and thrilling score was awesome. I loved the darker nature of the score this time and inclusion of many different distortions when dealing with The Spot. The Indian influence and sound was wonderful when we get to Pavitr’s universe. Visually the film continues to dazzle with the same comic book touch the first film had, but evolves it even more. The color palette with Miles is set and established, but the real magic comes from the beautiful water coloring of Gwen's world and how it evokes the vast layers of the emotional spectrum. This film is filled with so many great action set pieces that don't feel exhausting at all. There's so much to take in as you witness the many achievements in animation at work. This was definitely one of the best sequels I've seen in a long time and an excellent new chapter in the Spider-Verse that will definitely be on many best of lists. This is a must see by all Spider fans and there are so many Easter eggs, cameos and its all wrapped in this brilliant story that leaves on an awesome cliffhanger. Let me know what you thought of the film or my review in the comments below. Thanks for reading!

[aquato-family-circus]

I miss Harvey so uh

*sits down in your inbox* tell me about Compton's family other than Dogen and Sam? I want to know your headcanons. Any of them.

context for harvey

eeeeyyyyy its been a while since i talked abt him or the boole family let's go

Like I said in the P7 family post I was typing up, Compton's parents were the wealthiest of all the 7's parents. I don't know if they run/own a fancy resturaunt brand or something to do with animals or what but they're like fanciful edwardian non-psychics who care a lot about their Image and how other people See Them. this certainly had no adverse affects on their child whatsoever

I mused a bit about Compton having a sibling or two, but still not sure about exactly how that manifests in the broader scope of things. it just ""sounds right"" whatever that really means

Harvey, my friend Harvey, met Compton in their young adult years because Harvey's family runs some kind of rustic ranch that the Booles held a fancy little charity event at and Compton was like "wow... you like horses....... this must be Romantic Love"

whether it actually was Romantic or just Compton and Harvey being very close i don't know. i like aroace compton and also gay compton. both can hold hands bc orientation is silly like that

the important part is they liked each other enough to get married. or like domestic partners at least. they move in. oh my god they were roommates.

their daughter, dont worry about how they had a kid, i never have a name for her. I'll call her Suzy just to have a name.

but i think Suzy's not psychic and takes after harvey a little more than compton, which was ok for a long while. compton actually raised her with harvey at least up into her teens, because I think she was 16-19 years old when the Incident Happened.

i think this bc i feel like Suzy and Truman have to be around the same age? it makes sense in my head for that to be the case at least. Don't worry about it.

Sam's prison/mom line in the diner gives me a couple options. either Suzy went to prison, works at a prison, or Sam's just being a little sillay.

I tend to gravitate toward "works at a prison" or "sam is being sillay". I saw a headcanon once that the noodle bowl chef lady is Sam & Dogen's mom, which is cute, I think about it sometimes, but i also dont rly think she feels like their mom. to me at least. but it was interesting to bring up.

what headcanons I actually have abt Suzy amount to thinking she's... well meaning but maybe the worst parent out of the Truman/Augustus&Donatella "second gen" of psychonauts folks.

to say the subtext as text, Dogen being cut to when Raz says "your mother is afriad of you", it always gives me autism mommy vibes. like Suzy goes oh my poor little dogen and sam are so Strange, just like my Father. I don't want them to become Criminals, Also Just Like My Father. and she maybe makes some poor decisions because of it. Not as awful as say Loboto's parents. but not great.

Their Dad I think is the most guy ever. just a real nobody kinda dude. he carries a briefcase. works a nine to five. loves to talk about the Big Game. has kind of a minnasota accent when I try to imagine him talking. car grill mustache.

Compton has a weird, awkward relationship with Suzy & her husband bc of all this. He had kind of lost contact with her and Harvey after moving to GNG, and didn't hear from them again until well after the Psychonauts became a government agency because that's when he learned 1) he's a grandparent and 2) little baby Sam is burning the curtains oh god what do i do . I imagine Suzy made a panicked call to the Psychonauts one day and it got redirected to Compton once the family name came up and it was the most awkward phone call in the history of man kind.

Compton does love his grandkids though. And he's tried a lot of times to let his own kid and his ex-husband that they are welcome at the Psychonauts. he might not be available but yknow the other agents here are more capable anyways have you met Truman he's also a dad.

I think that's all I got for now cheif, though if you have more specific questions abt Boole or the other families I'm sure my brain will mix something together once prompted ✌️ it's always fun to answer these kinds of questions

[cishetamine]

gremlins (1984) letterboxd review (crossposted)

This is a terrible movie. Why?

Well, someone in it says “mangy curr” unironically, which admittedly is kind of camp. But check out the rest of the dialogue:

re: ppl being depressed on christmas: “While everyone else is opening up their presents, some people are opening up their wrists”

the part where the science teacher is explaining pupation to the kid like “it might look dormant, but inside it’s going through changes” and the kid is like “Like my mother,” as in MENOPAUSE

basically whoever they hired as the script doctor for this deserves a Razzy.

astonishing that this movie contains a white woman who wants to do unspeakable things to this kid’s dog !!! like holy shit i believe the rumors now .. no like actually did they realize what they were writing………

although it’s maybe bad that she doesn’t respect The Spirit Of Christmas(jewish-coded ?) & lives alone weigh a bunch of cats(lesbian-coded; possibly acephobic ?)

I want to know what age demographic this is targeted at. Which i guess i could find out by looking up the film rating—ah, PG-13, but like, ppl apparently criticized it at the time for being too graphic for the kids at whom its sense of humor appears aimed. so i guess it makes sense that i was also confused!

Also wait this is making me wonder. Did kids used to just go to the movie theaters by themselves when they were younger than 13?? Bc i thought the purpose of 'PG-13' was "u gotta be older than 13 to see it without an adult".

But what kids were even seeing movies without adults before they could drive in most of the US in the 1980s?? idk i wasn't alive then but i assume most ppl had to drive to the movies——ok maybe SOME ppl lived in walkable cities……i guess the stranger things kids could've biked, but then again they aren't real, so.

anyway, right, gremlins. The sequence where the Designated Hottie describes how her dad died is hilarious bc it's trying to be sad but the way he dies is——ok no u have to like pull up a clip on youtube bc it's definitely not worth seeing this whole movie over. Like i would bet $5 that it's on the tvtropes page for Narm.

Note btw that the great thing about making bets about whether something is on tvtropes is that i literally can't lose bc if it's not there already then i could jus make an account & add it there. Although in a way, me making a tvtropes account would be a much larger loss for my sense of self-respect

Also i'm still mad that i got tricked into watching a christmas movie bc normally i would not be into that!! except i didn't know it was a christmas movie!!! damnit!!

Found myself thinking, like, "You know, in a cronenberg film, the gremlins would escape & eventually spread to blanket the whole country & then the world! Like in scanners or the brood or videodrome—or, indeed, in plenty of other horror movies—especially those that anticipate a sequel! Like that one version of little shop of horrors before they changed the ending, or uh, presumably various zombie movies, i think. How does invasion of the body snatchers end again? Or uhh, the original The Blob?"

& i think that kinda describes my relationship to cronenberg as a director, i think?? like, i don't his movies are necessarily Super Great or My Favorites or whatnot—but they definitely have affected me enough that i keep thinking about him & about them & about his particular authorial sensibility, even if i disagree with decisions he's made!

which i think basically encapsulates my relationship w/ any Art that's influenced me significantly. Like there's not much stuff that i'm like "WOW i LOVE this this is PERFECT IN EVERY WAY"—it's more about "omg even where this book/painting/musical/opera may be flawed, can we please talk abt whether you think those are actual flaws or not, & u think they actually add to the story. Please please pretty please"

Also—the colors/lighting in this made me yearn sooooo hard for the days when EVERYTHING was shot on film. fuuuuuck. Like, this has a bunch of dark scenes that are lit almost more like a b&w chiaroscuro noir film rather than a color movie—so u get these spots of rly rich orange & teal & purple & blue & it WORKS?!?!?

which feels kind of insane to me honestly. like, Family Movies don't have beautiful lighting deign anymore (although cartoons have taken up some of the slack here—e.g., that Hilda show had a rly excellent color scheme in its backgrounds!)

anyway i'm just getting all weepily nostalgic for analog film, don't mind me!! getting half-strangled by a stray reel All those indoor shots where they're not afraid to let some light from outdoors filter in through the windows——i am dragged off the stage That soft focus on subjects, as opposed to that hypershallow depth of field that's gotten oh-so-popular these da——muffled sounds of struggle

[small gremlin pops back up onstage speaking in my voice] Also almost forgot to say: Good puppets! Very expressive, as others have mentioned! We need to bring back puppets tbh. Also ventriloquism(not that cringe racist guy from the bush admin tho.) I'm talking REAL ventri—

[roof caves in right on top of GREMLIN PUPPET, which miraculously manages to sidestep all the falling debris, but then one more tiny circular chunk falls out of the ceiling & GREMLIN immediately gets melted by the sudden sunlight like a cute vampire]

[withbeastsarc]

SEND 👫 FOR 4 HEADCANONS;  accepting.  @ruinaa asked for:  josephine & ridley.

like mother like son;  besides ellie,  ridley is the one to get his mother’s hair and eyes,  as well as spray of freckles across his face.  he very much looks like her as a young child,  but he still has his father’s dark eyebrows.  ridley also has many of josephine’s traits  --  while some the less than perfect ones,  they are both able to relate with one another and reconcile for it. 

training;  ridley starts very late with training of his mutation,  but his mother is there to help him.  he is able to get to a point where he can control it much better;  he will never fully utilize it to its potential,  but he is able to properly wrap his burns when he does use it and control the flow. 

willow;  the reconciliation between both of them happens when he needs help with willow.  while it is not entirely estranged,  just difficult with ridley’s decision in leaving so early and not communicating with his family,  it is still hard for him to reach out.  around two months in,  right when her mother leaves,  he tries for a month and is completely exhausted with it  --  holding his job and taking care of a newborn.  when he calls his mother,  she is at his doorstep an hour later.  

affection;  ridley is the only bragin child who is more particular about his affection,  but he gives it freely with his parents,  specifically with his mother.  even as an adult,  he will still lean on her,  lay his head on her lap,  be close with her.  

[seniorguide]

The Importance of Elderly Care

Introduction

The elderly are one of the fastest-growing segments of society. As a result, it's important to understand the type of care they need and how to provide that care. In this article, we'll discuss why elderly care is so important and how you can find the right type of home for your loved one.

What to expect from Elderly Care

Elderly care providers are trained in helping people with physical disabilities, mental health issues and developmental disabilities live safely in their homes. They may also help you make informed decisions about your health and finances. Elderly Care Services include:

Home Health Services

Respite Care Services * Hospice Care Services

How do I choose the right Nursing Home?

Choose a nursing home that is close to your family.

Make sure the nursing home has a good reputation, and ask for references from other families that have used the nursing home.

Ask about the nursing home's record of care and safety.

Types of Elderly Care

As your parent age, it is important to make decisions about what type of elder care they need. There are many different types of elder care services and options available for seniors, including assisted living facilities, skilled nursing facilities, nursing homes and home health aides.

Some elderly people prefer to live independently in their own homes with the assistance of family members or caregivers who visit them regularly throughout the day. This type of older adult is often referred to as a "naturally occurring retirement community" (NORC). Nursing home residents may also choose to have private duty nurses come into their rooms on a regular basis during the night so that they stay healthy while sleeping in an unfamiliar environment.

Why Private Elderly Care is a Viable Option

Private elderly care is a viable option because it offers a high level of care. Private elderly care facilities have the resources to offer their clients only the best. They have specialized staff, equipment and amenities. The goal of private elderly care is to provide a personal environment where each individual can thrive and remain in control of his or her life, even as age takes its toll on them.

Private elderly care is also a viable option because it offers flexibility. The owner/operator of your loved one's facility can work with you to customize an arrangement that works best for both him or her and your family. While some facilities may offer all-inclusive pricing packages that include room and board as well as additional perks like housekeeping services or transportation assistance (if needed), other facilities will allow you to choose between different packages based on what works for your budget and lifestyle needs at this particular time in life; if finances become tight during later years due then perhaps instead just stay at home with family members who live nearby?

The Benefits of Private Elderly Care

Private nursing homes are an excellent choice for those who want more control over their loved one's care. Private facilities offer you a wide range of options and choices in terms of location, staff, and services. You can choose the type of location you think would be best for your loved one. For example, if he or she prefers to live near family members in a rural area but needs special equipment for medical care, there are many rural assisted living facilities that have modern medical equipment available onsite as well as skilled nursing staff.

Some private elder care homes have amenities such as swimming pools and spas where residents can enjoy time relaxing with friends or family members. If your elderly parent enjoys spending time outdoors, this may be another consideration when selecting an assisted living facility for them to stay in after they retire from work or become unable to live alone anymore due to health problems such as chronic pain syndrome (CPS) which affects millions worldwide each year."

Senior care can be fun!

If you decide that being a senior caretaker is right for you, there are many different types of jobs that will fit your schedule and interests. There are several different types of caretakers: nurses, personal assistants, housekeepers/janitors and more! Each type has its own responsibilities but all come with their own unique benefits!

For example:

A nurse may help patients who need assistance with dressing or bathing while they stay at home

A personal assistant may drive clients on errands like grocery shopping or visiting friends in other cities

A housekeeper might clean up after dinner parties hosted by families who live nearby

Conclusion

The Washington Post article is a good example of how you can use our content to create your own blog posts.

[californiannostalgia]

Things I Loved About Spider-Man: No Way Home

*SPOILER WARNING!!!*

Finally, at the end of a trilogy, Peter Parker the Avenger is completed as a Spiderman. Here's what I loved about our 3rd Peter's origin story.

1. The Classic Peter Parker Origin Story: On the one hand, perhaps Tom Holland's Spiderman deserved to have this origin story of loss and sacrifice be solely centered on his personal journey, with no intrusions from outside sources. On the other hand, there is only so much originality you can achieve from the third retelling of Peter Parker, and this Avenger effectively borrows the classic, serious atmosphere directly from two predecessors in order to finish his own previously lighter-hearted trilogy in the wrenchingly personal forging of a Spiderman, which is an interesting approach to an origin story.

The two previous Spidermen's presence doesn't make any of MCU Peter's decisions less momentous or meaningful. Rather, one could view the other Peters as externalized representations of Peter's internal struggle. Plus, one of the MCU's greatest strengths is its crossovers, and who'd pass up a chance to have a crossover for three iterations of the same character that meant so much to three+ generations of fans?

2. It is Always Right to Do Good: I am devastated about the loss of Aunt May. I can't get her silhouette out of my mind--how she stood in front of the Green Goblin with the cure in one hand, how she didn't let herself fall until she'd made sure that Peter was going to be okay. She says it was still the right thing to do because there were people who needed help. I can't comprehend how strong this woman was. She's how Peter Parker came to be, no question.

3. Saving People, According to Spiderman: This film was a violent group therapy session where the host has to bear all of the terrible fallout. Surprisingly, instead of shying away from the personal sacrifices one has to make when trying to change other people (insert "I can fix him" meme), this movie faces the toxicity and danger of the endeavor head-on and says, "If my sacrifice can save someone, then so be it."

The justifications for this sacrifice are thus: because of Peter's extraordinary power and the unique circumstances, he's the only one capable of helping these people. He's the impossible ideal of someone who will use power to do good unto others (take notes, governments, CEOs, and rich famous people), which is the classic Spidey essence. In-universe, he sorely needs a hug, but as a movie viewer I approve of this narrative decision.

4. The Predecessors: The crossovers were great and we got some shining character beats. I was internally screaming when Andrew Garfield's Peter Parker got his own group therapy boon by being able to save MJ himself. He was my first Spiderman and I loved and missed his bouncy snark so much. No doubt Tobey Maguire fans were having the same freak-outs in the theater, especially when he blocked that glider. Doc Ock and Green Goblin were spectacular, of course. Jamie Foxx's Electro had fire lines, and I really loved the back-and-forth with Andrew Garfield's Spiderman. (Mandatory shout-out to Miles Morales, the wonder, the legend.)

4. Coming Of Age: From a meta perspective, this MCU Spiderman has absorbed the previously established character beats from his predecessors to make it his own. By the end of the film, he has shed all guidance figures who'd affected his journey so far and taken the first steps of true independence. He embodies both the youthful enthusiasm and the astonishing maturity of a young adult superhero. (He still likes legos, by the way. In case we weren't devastated enough.)

(The universe--and by universe I mean the writers--definitely didn't pull any punches. My sibling has suggested it's because he turned eighteen and he's now fair game for heavy angst. In which case this might be the worst coming-of-age ceremony ever.)

5. The Hero Trio: The hero, the best friend, and the other best friend whom he also kisses is a fun dynamic. MJ and Ned embody the classic struggle for a superhero's close friends: I understand the danger, I understand how important saving the world is, but you're more important to me and I would rather save you first. But I don't want you to compromise your core beliefs either, because I know how important saving people is to you. (And I hate not being able to help you when you need it.)

This Peter Parker finally gets his own unique, narratively weighted kiss scene in this movie, which I thought was iconic. The lighting, the silhouettes--

(When Ned and MJ remember Peter again, they'll have every right to be angry at him for breaking his promise and not coming to them with the truth. It was such a noble Peter Parker decision, but he was also recently traumatized and not in the best place when he cut off all support systems. Peter's next character development stage might be relearning to accept the need for support systems when you're superheroing. Friendship is magic, bro.)

6. Side-note on GEDs: As someone who also graduated high school through a GED and went to community college, I really appreciate the representation we got. Life isn't over when you can't finish high school or get into a prestigious college. Things might not always go how you expect, but that's still okay. Look, our friendly neighborhood Spiderman's doing this too, and it doesn't change the fact that he's a freaking genius.

7. Concluding Note: Good luck, Peter Parker. You've still got a whole lot of life ahead of you. You're gonna be amazing. Lots of love and support, from your friendly neighbor.

8. Several devastating tweets I saw from Korean Twitter (where my bilingual alter-ego lives), summarized in no particular order: A spiderman's fall is not entirely a tragedy, for it is also his completion--and like the repetitive rise and fall of his web-swinging, he's all about the fall and the getting back up again. Spidey can't fly without the fall.

Being in the MCU allowed this Spidey to have more mentor figures, which magnifies the loss that much more when they're all stripped away and we see him stand on his own. It's almost like the audience gets to witness the MCU Spiderman's happiest moments in the first and second films of his trilogy, then the third film is the beginning of his comic book run in earnest. Peter Parker can never return Home, but returning to films 1 and 2 after watching 3 should make for some nostalgic reminiscing for viewers at home.

Also, if Peter got erased from the world's collective memory, he might be taken for a Blip victim (which he actually was). Which means Aunt May's charity for Blip victims might've helped him settle back into a world that has forgotten him. (Good deeds, butterfly effects.)

Oh, and only May and Tony will remember Peter Parker as Spiderman.