#talks down every hobby she has. calls all of it stupid and a waste of money even though he soends SO much money on clothes all the time

[tinylittlebab]

bleh everything SUCKS

[utakoi]

Office Yandere HCs

Pairings: Assistant!Izuku Midoriya, Investor!Shoto Todoroki, Chauffeur!Hitoshi Shinso x Boss!Fem!reader

Summary: Ever wonder what it would be like to be the boss of some office yanderes and basically have a harem? Well, look no further, cause here it is!

Warnings: smut !!18+ ONLY!! (spunking in food + masturbation + dirty thoughts + oral), yandere themes (noncon)

A/N: Bc my brain kept me up at night with this concept and has made it’s final decision on turning a one shot I was in the middle of writing into a series, I decided to write some messy hcs to take a lil breather from long works (evn tho this is kinda long already). Also, if you think this is the last you’ll hear about office yanderes, no no no, I have some other thoughts for other characters

Assistant!Midoriya Izuku

He is over the moon to hold a position that’s the closest to you

Out of your entire yandere office harem, he gets to spend the most time with you

He also definitely has an advantage since he practically schedules your entire day

For example, Shoto constantly tries to schedule one-on-one meetings with you in the guise of it being a matter of business, but Izuku cock blocks him by filling your day with a bunch of other events in order to make the meetings as short as possible, and sometimes, even cuts them out completely

He doesn’t like doing it often tho since he knows you can get too stressed with too much going on so he reluctantly has to give away some time for you to meet with the other yanderes (he’s still kind of a sweet and considerate bby as a yandere)

Will not give you personal space

Stands close to you during meetings, constantly visits your office to work (even tho his personal office is right next to yours), etc etc

Even if you don’t ask him to, he will fetch your meals and give you snacks throughout the day because he wants to take care of you and show how sweet he is (also because he wants you to imagine how good of a boyfriend he’d be if you just gave him a chance)

Now let’s get to the part that just popped up into my mind and inspired this entire post: if he can hide his cum somewhere in your food, he will do it

That coffee he gave you that tasted a little salty? Izuku spunked inside it.

The sandwich he bought that seemed to have more mayo than usual? He spunked in that, too

Whatever you think doesn’t taste right, it’s definitely because of Izuku

// // // // //

Izuku is thankful for his job because of two specific things: he gets to interact with you for most of the day and his office has a built in personal bathroom.

If he were to be forced to use the regular employee restroom, his lewd acts would have been exposed immediately by anyone who happened to walk in; he was never the best at holding his moans and grunts while jacking himself off after all.

In the privacy of his own bathroom, he could be as loud as he wants with both his breathy, pleasure-ridden voice and the slick sounds of him stroking his lube-covered cock. In fact, he’s even trying to be as loud as possible. 

Since your office is right next to his, there’s a small chance that you may be able to hear him through the walls. He can visualize you entering his office, concern decorating your features, wondering what he could possibly be doing to make such noises. If you were to open his bathroom door, you’d be met by the sight of Izuku sitting on the lid of the toilet, his hand vigorously pumping up and down his shaft. 

And he wouldn’t stop.

He’d just keep going, all the while staring at you right in the eye. He wonders what you’d do then. Would you just stay frozen at your spot, being unable to take your eyes off of him? Or maybe you’d get on your knees, completely turned on and ready to have a taste of his cum? What if you were actually more dominant than he thought and you’d just dig your heels into his dick, punishing him for slacking off his job by not letting him find release?

Fuck, any of those scenarios would be fine by him. 

Unfortunately, as he gets close to reaching his peak, you don’t come into his office at all. That’s alright, though.

He’ll just settle with spunking into your coffee, for now.

Investor!Shoto Todoroki

Needs your attention

Like I said earlier, Shoto will keep trying to schedule meetings with you in the guise of it being a matter of business 

really, he just wants to spend time with you

During the meetings, he will also try to convince you to fire Izuku so that he can get rid of who he deems as someone deliberately keeping the two of you apart (which, for once, is a pretty spot on theory from Shoto)

Will try to spoil you with gifts and make excuses or pass it off as a casual thing so you don’t reject it or deem it as inappropriate for a workplace relationship

The beautiful bouquet of flowers? He was buying flowers for his mother on the way over and  the flower shop had a 2 for 1 deal so why not?

These gourmet chocolates? A fellow business partner of his gave him a box as thanks for his investment. Unfortunately, he’s allergic to one of the ingredients, but it would just be a waste to throw them out, no?

This exquisite diamond necklace? weLL-

You get the point (also, these gifts are definitely inspired by romance movies he saw his sister watching while growing up cuz oof he did not know any means of romance until he met you)

He aims to schedule his meetings with you around lunch time so that he has an excuse to treat you for lunch

He loves providing for you AKA he loves providing for you and showing off how he has the means to take care of you (much like Izuku)

If you were to become his wife, you wouldn’t have to work another day in your life

You can just stay at home and relax

Maybe you can even cook him breakfast and pack lunch for him before he works

That’s basically his dream

He wants you to stay home, waiting for your sweet husband to come back from work

Basically, he’ll take care of your every need, and he means EVERY need

// // // // //

It’s one of those nights again.

Shoto can’t sleep because he’s plagued by thoughts of you. Today, you weren’t able to meet him for lunch because you already had a flood of other appointments to attend (he was willing to bet his entire fortune that it’s because of your stupid assistant’s scheduling that you weren’t able to make it). 

So, needless to say, he was pent up. He can only hop that you fall in love with him sooner. Did his charms just not work on you? Do you not like the cool stoic type? Maybe he just wasn’t giving you the right gifts. Were they not expensive enough to impress you? Not expensive enough to show he could provide for you?

He knows he can take care of you so well. You would never have to work another day in your life. You can just stay home, surrounded by luxurious gifts and servants who’ll be at your beck and call while you wait for his return. 

And once he actually did come home after a long day of work? You’d be bathed in affection. Kisses, hugs, cuddles... and more.

You’d want him just as much as he wants you, right? 

His poor wife, lonely and deprived of the one person she loves for such long hours. He’s got to show that he’s sorry for neglecting you. 

Pushing you down onto the bed, he’d run his hands all over your body, massaging your shoulders, pinching your hardening nipples, brushing over your sensitive thighs... And since he’s also quite needy, he’d be grinding down his still-clothed cock on your pussy, showing off that he’s missed you, too.

Shoto doesn’t even think he’d have the patience to take off your clothes. He’d just keep dry humping you, desperate for his own release. The thin cloth preventing the both of you from making actual skin-on-skin contact would make such great friction. He can practically feel it now.

... And yup, the feeling was definitely not just from his imagination. Without even needing to glance down, Shoto already knows that his thoughts of you has caused him to pop a boner. 

Hopefully, a quick jerk off session can tire him out enough to fall asleep, but with how much his hard cock throbbed, he doubted it.

Chauffeur!Hitoshi Shinso

2nd most envied out of your office harem for his job (he’s right next to Izuku)

Why? Well 1 - he gets one on one time with you daily and 2 - that one on one time is him and you in an enclosed space

Sure, he may not get as much time with you as the others, but he sure makes the best use of it

He’ll be chatting you up, getting to know you personally in order to make the atmosphere less awkward between the two of you (tbh, because he gives off standoffish and cold vibes, y’all are gonna be kinda tense when he’s just gotten his job as a chauffeur)

and he does it so discreetly

He’ll start the conversation of lightly, talking about the weather, how busy you’re going to be that day...

and then somehow it just transitions onto friendlier and more personal topics such as your favorite places to eat, what hobbies you’ve been trying out lately, etc

And he uses that info to his advantage

If he senses that you’re feeling stressed or down, he will drive you over to your favorite places and remind you that you should relax

But not only does he get brownie points for that, but would you really be so mean as to make him wait for you while you eat a meal or walk around the mall when he’s the one who’s trying so hard to cheer you up?

Of course not, you’re going to invite him and thank him for considering how you’re feeling

And if not, well, that’s okay, too, he understands (so long as he gets his brownie points)

As the boss of your own company, you’d often be asked out to meetings or social gatherings that involve drinking

Shinso’s always there whenever you get shit faced, and happily so

You’re drunk and you’re not gonna remember it the next morning, anyway... so why would he waste such a golden opportunity?

// // // // //

Shit, you feel great on his body.

Currently, Shinso is living out one of the best moments of his life. He’d come to pick you up from a drinking session with some investors and was ecstatic to find you drunk out of your mind. Hell, you could barely even slur out your orders for him to drive you home. Now, you’re pressed up against him as he holds you up and guides you to the car. 

Testing out the waters, he cheekily squeezes the flesh of your ass. If you were conscious enough to reprimand him for it, then he could easily just apologize and pass it off as an accident since you were stumbling around so much. 

And if you didn’t mention anything... well then, that was the single indicator he needed to know that you wouldn’t remember anything once you woke up in the morning. 

To his delight, you barely reacted to his touch and even let out a high-pitched giggle at his actions. As quickly as he possibly could, he opens up the back of the limousine and pushes you inside. You plop down onto the seat with a huff, completely inebriated. 

You don’t even register when Shinso crawls in and nudges himself in between your legs. 

When the door slams shut, you flinch a little, prompting Shinso to massage your thighs in an attempt to soothe you. He gazes at you lovingly as you look down at him with your dilated pupils. Fuck, you look way too innocent and adorable for what he’s about to do. 

Quick with his hands, he pulls down your waistband and completely exposes your sex. Before diving into his meal, he places light kisses that trail from your calf all the way up to your thighs. He wishes he could leave marks on your skin, but he wouldn’t want you to panic the next morning when you see clusters of purple and blue spread out all over your legs. 

He eats you out like a man starved, slobbering all over your pussy. All the while, you’re making such cute noises for him. When you gush all over his face, he’s happily lapping it all up, trying not to waste a single drop. 

Once you’ve come down, he dresses you back up as if nothing happened, which, in your mind tomorrow, nothing did. 

Shinso hesitates when he’s about to slide the panties back onto you. Maybe he could get away with just a little souvenir?

[worstloki]

Top Forty Thor-Being-Thor Moments from Thor 1

just absolute dumb*ssery that this 7yr old kid’s life goal is to “hunt down the monsters and slay them all”. I’ll go easy on him here and let the Thor/Loki expressions do the talking because of “...just like you did Father” but seriously can his hands even fit around a sword handle??? this kid isn’t even punching the air right??? if there was a sword in his hand he would’ve cut his head with the way he’s moving???? pure tiny-himbo energy here just look at that >:o face he’s making. contrasts very nicely with Loki’s ‘,:|. 10/10. such a baby idiot.

“the jotuns must pay for what they have done! they broke into the weapons vault! if the frost giants had stolen even one of these relics!” thor. thor please. can you even name one of these relics. thor. hey thor. thor. shut up. “well, what would you do about this?” odin asks him. “march into jotunheim! like you once did! break their spirits! so they’ll never try anything like this again!” wow okay so we’ve fast-forwarded by like a thousand years and thor is still going on about genocide. huh. that’s funny, i thought loki was the genocidal one. hmm. i also just realized that the loki exclusive clip gives loki the same hairstyle thor has here so do what you will with that information.

0/10. horrible. terrible. i dont care how angy thor is about not getting to kill some jotuns or become king today this very instant, that is a tremendous waste of food. an absolute fool. how can he just remorselessly throw the bread to the floor. if loki stabbed him when he was 7 he would deserve it for this table flip alone. what a privileged white *ssh*le.

loki came skulking around a corner and suggested not to go to jotunheim and not only did thor not suspect anything but he also then went on to decide to go to jotunheim. 10/10 himbo material. 

if tumblr didn’t have a picture limit i would put every instance of thor smiling in this list because look at that stupid smile. he’s such an idiot. 11/10. this is the thor content i’m here for.

“I have no plans to die today” thor says with the stupidest open-mouthed smirking smile ever captured on film. right after he also told heimdall not to tell anyone they’re gone. he’s literally planned to strand them on jotunheim. thor’s grand plan was to strange themselves on jotunheim and also start a fight. i repeat: thor’s plan was to successfully slay all the frost giants and not need to return until they’re all gone. what an absolute d*mb*ss. this is getting ridiculous. this was originally a top-ten-thor moments list but i’m not even twenty minutes in so i’ll have to extend the list. thor. thor are you listening? thor, you’re such an idiot.

“HOW DID YOUR PEOPLE GET INTO ASGARD?!” thor you sweet sweet summer idiot, please, i am beggin,g you,, learn to rea,d , a room,, literally everyone else who came with you is regretting it, there is complete silence and only the rumble of the opposing king is meeting your “I AM THOR, SON OF ODIN”s, please, please take some notes from Loki, or, you know, literally anyone else in the room, since everyone is asking you to get out of this realm while you still can,

thor’s stupid smile makes an appearance after he gets called a princess and decides to fight a whole realm over it. you know what? thor is a princess. he’s the prettiest princess in all the lands. what’s thor gonna do about it? is he going to fight me too? I hope he does the stupid grin first. minus 15 points for the sexism. thor is a complete and utter sadistic fool who needs to get a hobby. seriously, he’s 1500 years old and still going on and on about slaying all the frost giants. boi, i hate to break it to you, but your dad is not the best or only example of greatness out there. i don’t think your dad even qualifies as an example of that. 

“THEN. GO!” 🥰 ahh yes, just thor thingz 🥰🥰 like when one friend has had his arm burnt 🥰 and another friend has been impaled and needs medical attention, 🥰🥰 and all the rest of your friends are yelling for you, 🥰 and your brother is telling you they must go, 🥰 and you decide to buy everyone time by laughing maniacally and killing more frosties because you care for them and dont find joy in destruction like a loon 🥰🥰🥰 

THIS is the iconic Thor moment that makes my day whenever I think about it. Just Thor, an absolute bumbering 6′6′’ giant boodlusting dummy sees Odin and just decides to yell “FATHAA!! WE’LL FINISH THEM TOGETHAAA!” as if the last thing Odin told him wasn’t “no, thor, we’re not going to do anything to the frost giants, do not go after them and try to kill them all.” 11/10 d*mb*assery right here folks, I couldn’t ask for Thor to be more of a fool. This is PEAK Thor energy. Look at that face. I feel like Thor spends half this movie with his nostrils flared. I love it.

okay i gotta give thor credit for rightfully calling odin “an old man and a fool” but also there was not even 1 frame of the scene where Thor had a decent face so now all i see is >:O >:| >:o >:[ when i watch that scene. yelling at odin was great, not yelling at odin after he HUAERGHed at loki was less great, but to be fair it’s thor and he is the definition of Peak D*mb*ss. 

thor literally GROWLS and starts yelling “HAMMAA?? HAMMER??” over and over. He was hit by a van, he fainted, he woke up and started growling. I don’t know what else there is to say about this.

“you dare threaten me? puny human?”. so. uhh. basically. Thor knew she was threatening him? He KNEW she had a weapon? instead he made a face and started yelling as he tried to walk his way closer????? thor you complete and utter dum dum. you frickin hairball-for-brains. im not even surprised darcy tasered him. with that kind of face, i’d taser him too.

when you wake up in an unknown place to a person smiling at you without a stupid smile, the first step is always to attack first and ask questions later 😌😌😌 (but seriously thor you imbecile why didn’t you ask where you were instead of throwing multiple people around the room and getting your butt needled. you clueless buffoon. you’ll remain a clueless buffoon if you don’t listen to anyone.)

just a quick recap but thor was knocked unconscious by a van and these people kidnapped him aboard and the next scene we see him in he’s checking himself out in  mirror after presumably changing right there in the open?????? these are the things that make thor thor. any other character and i’d question it so much, but this is thor, and i truly believe this is in-character for him. just change in the open because why not? thor is a beefcake and that’s his only redeeming quality and he knows it. 10/10 thor moment. 

I am now convinced that Thor saw Jane and “5k van-hitter to lover slow-burn height-difference himbo-scientist trope” flashed through his mind.

“but no more smashing!” Jane says, and then Thor proceeds to check her out and smile unlike an idiot and like a douche. was this his version of flirting???? i’m not one to decide, but yes, yes it was. He threw a cup to the ground and broke it, and she’s getting mad at him and berating him about it, and he’s liking it. y’all i’m sorry to break it to you like this, but thor has a canon fetish. i am so, so sorry.

im DYING. THAT ISN’T EVEN A KISS, HIS MOUTH IS OPEN. he SMUSHES his mouth around her knuckle???? WHY. I can’t keep noticing things like this. send help. please. Jane’s response makes so much more sense now; she’s laughs for a solid 3 seconds and shakes her head and is like “uhh, thank you? ahaha,” and then she keeps looking back longingly when walking away. they are doing this in PLAIN sight of EVERYONE. Darcy and Erik are standing RIGHT THERE, and Thor is doing weird things to her with his mouth. I’m out. I am done here. goodbye. 

return of the stupid smile AND the douche smile in quick succession through the entire trip. their entire dialogue is peppered with innuendo. “I’ve never done anything like this before. have you ever done anything like this before?” “many times, but you are brave to do it.” “I have nothing else to lose.” “ah but you are clever, far more clever than anyone else on this realm.” “realm? rEaLm?” “you think me strange?” “yes” “good strange or bad strange?” “I haven’t decided yet.” I AM DYING OVER THIS. plus, we get Return Of The Himbo with Jane asking after Einstein Rosen bridges and Thor is like “uh, actually, more like a rainbow bridge 😜🤪” i feel so sorry for jane here, didn’t know how much of a d*mb*ss Thor was when signing up for this van-trip and knuckle-sucking 😭😭😭 i also no longer have questions about how the trip that SHOULD HAVE BEEN A HALF-HOUR ONE turned into one that LASTED TILL THE SUN WENT FROM THE MIDDLE OF THE SKY TO SETTING by the time they arrived. I have no questions. please. I don’t want to know what they were doing in that van. please no. don’t make me think about it.

thor’s plan had 3 steps and they were 1. give jane his jacket 2. walk in and get his hammer 3. fly out. that was literally his plan. he had the first “I have a plan. attack.” moment in the MCU. pure concentrated 0-brain-cells energy right here. how can you not stan this king of d*mb*ssery. look at him, flaunting his big boy muscles. he’s about get his hammer and fly out, like he just told jane with a trademark stupid-smile.

crop-top hair-mop thor is my favourite thor. the way the entire fight scene parallels a hamster in a maze only exemplifies the thor vibes for some inexplicable reason.

“you’re big. fought bigger.” + Thor douche-smile + subtext from earlier + rolling around passionately in the mud = not a happy me. 

I swear i’m not making up this romantic subtext but it’s barely even subtext. the entire scene leading up to Thor’s attempt at lifting the hammer is actually filmed erotically. I’m not kidding. First there’s a shot where Thor pulls aside a hamster-cage-wall blind which mirrors a shower-curtain, and THEN he walks around the hammer while smiling douche-ly at it, we get a few close-ups to his face which are shot from angles slightly lower than himself, giving him an aire of superiority, plus the music adds to this, he reaches out for the hammer’s handle with a mud-covered arm in the rain, in non-slow-motion slow-motion, and he wraps his arm around it, like, he fully twists his arm, unecessarily sexually, around it as he grabs the hammer. This is not okay. On the plus side, it makes the movie much more entertaining,, on the down side,,.

im not going to call Thor dumb for not knowing he’s not worthy. im not going to. because odin literally whispered the enchantment to mjolnir after he’d thrown thor to midgard. it is very funny watching thor grunt in frustration though. he starts yelling because he couldn’t lift the hammer and just lets himself get caught. like, dude, get a life, go buy a new weapon from the store, seriously. he mourns for the hammer on-screen longer than he does for loki. he also looks like he’s in far more pain here. he becomes catatonic and unresponsive after this, but when loki dies he’s already feasting the same afternoon. 10/10 dum dum thor material. never change thor, never change. (that’s code for please change, thor, please,)

thor trying to establish dominance wherever he goes is the funniest thing because at this point he’s being a complete asgardian *ss about it and it’s reaching points of pettiness never seen before. side note: he is possibly flirting with selvig too. maybe. i’m not saying anything happened, but Thor’s openning lines when bringing him home carried over his shoulder are “he’s fine, not injured at all,” followed with an apology to selvig, and an explanation to jane which consisted only of “we drank, we fought, he made his ancestors proud,” and then he puts the man to bed and before he falls asleep erik says “i still don’t believe you’re the g*d of th*nder, but you ought to be,” so... your choice, i guess...

thor’s got his trademark stupid smile and stupidly takes jane’s life’s work notebook and starts doodling in it about trees. the last time his father told him this story about Yggdrasil was when he was 5 and he clearly hasn’t payed attention to any lesson about anything since and it shows so so much. thank you thor. very insightful knowledge you’re passing on hear. ‘i come from a world where [science and magic] are one and the same,’ ok great, now elaborate on that please. oh, right, you can’t because you’re thor, my bad, 20/10 thor behaviour. he couldn’t even doodle nicely. all his lines are wobbly. epic art fail. i wouldn’t trust him near my sketchbook with a 2B pencil.

THIS is thor’s realization face. in case anyone was interested in what ‘dawning truth’ looked like on him. 😰😪 THIS is the face of a thinker, of a man betrayed by his own beloved brother for unprecedented reasons. look at the nuance in his expression. 😩😩😩 so many emotions, I can’t even count them all 😩💯😪

stupid smile and “do not worry my friends, i have a plan,” he says, “i’ll just try and abuse the fact that Loki’s super selfless and kind and has no self worth to my benefit as i have countless times before which is exactly what he’s rightfully angry about this time,” he doesn’t think to himself because that is NOT the smile of someone who is thinking... like, at all. +10000 points to gryffinthor. the d*mb*ssery really jumps out.

“im sorry bro for whatever i did and whatever you’re blaming me for as an excuse to do this, im sorry bro, but you’re disturbing innocents that i don’t really care about but you’re the one making a scene in front of them so why don’t you admit you won’t kill me and are just having a temper tantrum and we move on? hmm?” and then he proceeds to get slam dunked in the face with a metal arm like yEAAAA BOI that’s what you GET for going up against the SENTIENT LAVA-SPEWING metal-man ya absolute dunderhead clod. thunderhead clod? yeah, that. he’s just so dumb, your honour, please, you must understand, the victim pleads guilty on all charges of d*mb*ss and d*mb*ss alone.

I can NOT describe the emotions I feel knowing that Thor is suck-kissing Jane’s knuckles. Like, his mouth is literally jelly-ing it up against her hand. There is suction there and it shows when he is placing and removing his mouth. I promise that’s what is happening. I’m not any happier than you about this. I regret everything. This is why Loki should be what is focused on and not Thor; Thor’s going around trying to frick frack everything in sight even if it’s just Jane’s hand. He’s maintaining eye contact with Jane while he licks her fingers. Why did I decide to rewatch this movie. 

i’m only adding this in as a thor moment because of how desperately and badly they kiss. seriously. 2/10 kiss. im not surprised jane broke up with him. they look like two actual seals fighting over an actual grape. while i’m here i’m going to criticize every fic ever that decided thor is an experienced gentle lover. what were y’all on when watching this movie. thor can and will f*ck literally everything in sight and he won’t even do it well because he is the peakest of peak d*m d*m. look at this man. look at his face. that is the face of an absolute himbo idiot, and it’s the face of an absolute himbo idiot who knows it. he’s been stranded on earth for 2 days, max, and his flirt-count is at 69 people because his name is one letter away from thot. i bet his terrible use of a pen from early means he writes his ‘r’s like ‘t’s and he doesn’t even care. 1000/10 thor moment. doesn’t get much more romance-thor than two individuals smooshing their faces together after some finger sucking. that finger sucking is gonna leave jane simping for years. and that’s true love babey. <3

“I’ll handle my Brother!” Thor says, as if Loki didn’t send a metal-murder-bot that quite virtually killed him less than ten minutes ago asdfhkhsdgsdjf Thor, you horrific himbo you, Loki’s weapon of choice is literally throwing knives he will literally kill you before you enter the room if he’s on his game and wants you dead which he just proved he would do and you’re just gonna???????????? jog on over to him????? Thor??????????? bruH???????????? buddy??????? pal???????? you really wanna go 1v1 the brother you very clearly underestimate and know nothing about????????????????? im loving the confidence, but, no.

Loki: “you literally can’t stop this from here.” Thor, immediately: “i’m going to hit it with the hammer and see if that works” and then it does in fact work later... technically speaking, even if it ends up causing chaos destruction and death and loki falling off the bifrost 😔😔😔 but Big Brain Thor is the Biggest Brained Thor!!! The plan worked!! in a messy-Thor-ish way, but it did!!!

“you can’t kill an entire race!!!!” Thor yells, teeth gritted, as he faces his brother, his coward pacifist brother, who has suddenly decided he wants to join the age-old family tradition of realm-destroying, when this is supposed to be Thor’s dream, Thor’s, not Loki’s. How dare he, Thor thinks to himself, fist clenched around Mjolnir in anger, the pain of the handle pressing against his palm perhaps the only thing preventing him from lashing out at this thought, that’s my planet of monsters to slay, he should go get his own! Loki hits Thor across the face with the back-end of his spear. “Now fight me,” Loki says, but Thor, well, Thor cannot fight, as he remains stunned that of all things Loki would dare steal his life’s ambition, and he is sent sprawling backwards across the observatory, slowly but surely sliding to a stop despite his catatonic, very symbolic silence.

the elegance, the poise, i see your time on earth has made you no less graceful, Thor. the simple magnitude of this sprawl. the spread of the arms. the turn of the feet. this is not a dude, this is a man.

sometimes your brother starts vehemently talking about he’s gonna kill the race of monsters and about how he’s only ever wanted to be your equal and about how he’s not your brother and never was and sometimes you just have to say “this is madness” instead of addressing the issues or asking for any of the  deets 🔥 👊💯😩

Loki is whipping Thor’s butt. Both literally, and metaphorically, Loki is whooping Thor’s d*mb*ss. Earlier he knicked Thor’s face, now he’s just pushing Thor around, he uses the spear as a pole and later kicks Thor’s face by kicking vertically up, and Thor, bless him in all his blond golden muscled glory, doesn’t think anything is up with this, gosh he’s such an absolute utter idiot

sometimes your brother laughs way too much and also cries too much in a fight and there are also too many of him so you just need to blast lightning so you get a shot at all of them 😌😌😌 and then put your magical infinitely-heavy hammer on his chest 😌😌😌 but it’s okay because Thor left holes in Loki’s container 😌😌😌

now THIS is the meat to Thor’s funny bone, just the pure unadulterated humour that is Thor saying that there will never be a “wiser king” or a “better father” than Odin, it cracks me up every single time without fail, just the way he says it with a straight face and— what do you mean he wasn’t joking

look at Thor’s stupid smile as he asks Heimdall to spy on jane every single day while conveniently never asking after Loki ever. This is Thor’s face in mourning after he attended a feast after everyone was celebrating after Loki’s death. Look at his stupid smile. I love him your honour. He’s just,, he’s just so frickin stewpeed, just Thor being Thor, just the purest of d*mbest of *sses. 

[soulwillower]

troublemaker II • richie tozier

(richie tozier x reader)

requested:  IMA NEED A PART TWO OF TROUBLEMAKER   +    also R U GONNA MAKE TROUBLEMAKER P2 I NEED A PART WHERE THEY FALL IN LURVVVVV    +   holy shit ainslee troublemaker was amazing can you please please do another please    +     will you ever do a part two to trouble maker? i fucking loved it    +     heyyyy so if ur requests do ever open again u should make one where it’s a part two of troublemaker but the reader is the dominant one this time 😳    +     IMFG IM GONNA NEED A PART TWO OF THAT FIC MISS    +     hey ainslee queen I hope you’re doing good I know I am since that fat Cheeto is finally gone lmaoo anyways but I just had this moment in my head since I read your new Richie fic (which I loved): enemies to lovers but it’s sub!richie instead 😉💜💜💜    +      yooooo your fics are sooooooo gooooood. and troublemaker kinda deserves a second part with richie teasing the reader at dinner      

this was highly requested so here!! part 2 of troublemaker!

part one here 

warnings: unprotected sex, pool sex, brief mentions of being caught, sub richie, a bit of switch richie for a hot sec, choking, a bit of praise, dirty talking, french richie!! also a slap (reader slaps richie), i think thats it but this is rly unedited.

translations: (**DISCLAIMER I AM NOT A NATIVE FRENCH SPEAKER I AM TRYING MY BEST**) 

“tu vas me tuer“ - you will kill me

“dit ‘merci’“ - say thank you

“merde” - shit

“oh, mais tu l'as toujours aimée, non?” - oh, but you’ve always liked her, no?

[characters are 18+.]

2.5k words

♡

the next day was just odd.

you're not sure what you expected - it's not like a momentary weakness on both your sides could have unraveled the years of disdain and hate that you've sewn for each other.

so, somewhere in your sex-muddled mind, while you’d been staring at the marks left on you in the mirror, imagining his pale skin against your own, the lasting sting to your hips and the soreness to your throat; you’d almost forgotten how miserable richie was to be around. 

but then you were all at lunch the next day. sitting at the large family table, next to your parents, across from richie and his own parents. and he started dragging his foot over your leg, teasing lightly and making you flush in heat, your eyes meeting and sending thrills through your body.

you don't think anything of it when richie accidentally drops his fork on the floor under him and then excuses himself to crawl under the table like a five year old looking for a crayon, in fact, you just roll your eyes at his stupidity and continue to talk to richie's mom, who sits a few feet away from you at the spacious table. 

a jolt runs through your body when a hand gently caresses your inner thigh, and your breath becomes hitched in your throat, momentarily losing your voice. you look down quickly, to find the mischievous eyes you've spent too much time thinking of the last twelve hours staring at you from under the table, head between your spread legs, mere inches from the apex of your thighs.

 you feel your cheeks heat up as you stutter to answer maggie's question about your hobbies, suddenly hyper-aware that when you'd come in from the ocean you'd left your legs and swimsuit bottom uncovered with only a shirt on your chest. 

a quick kiss is pressed to your clothed clit and you jump back a bit. “y/n, are you okay?” your mother asks, and you kick blindly under the table in shock. a thump sounds under the table and richie yelps, “aie!” 

you cough, “sorry, just-”  “-y/n kicked me!” richie calls, the scrape of the fork on the floor making you roll your eyes. fucking idiot. 

“play nice, y/n.” your mom chides. you shake your head, going back to telling maggie about your afterschool endeavors. 

"-oh, one of richie's friends does that, too." went adds, perking up. you smile, cheeks flushed as richie returns to his chair, fork in hand and a huge smirk on his lips.  you glare at him, flashing him the finger. he just raises his brow, puckering his lips slightly and dropping a wink. 

"oh, that's right! richie, what's her name? my, she is very sweet." maggie adds, taking another bite of salad. richie's eyes meet yours through the top of his bottle of corona lite, as he takes a swig then wipes his lips, smug smirk making you burn in irritation. wentworth laughs, "yeah, she was sweet until you both showed up with hickies everywhere. i swear, there wasn't a single inch of clear skin." 

maggie throws cauliflower at wentworth as she mutters, "went! knock it off."  richie just chuckles, shaking his head. "c'mon, pops. shit happens." he defends. his dad, egged on by his son, laughs, "yeah, no kidding. i think every single girl you've ever had over has left with at least ten hickies. you could at least buy them dinner." 

"hey, at least he has a job," your mom adds, and you squeeze your eyes shut, expecting something bad to follow. "- that way you don't have to be the ones buying him his twenty pack condoms every month." they all laugh. 

“say, y/n may be the only girl your age we know that hasn’t fallen in love with you.” his dad jests, making everyone laugh. “-yet,” your dad adds, and you glare at him.  you shrug, “it’s not really hard at all.” you say. richie scoffs, “you sure, toots?” he asks with a grin. 

“believe me, you’re not my type.” you spit. richie laughs, “right, you like a good gentleman, right? someone who will say ‘you’re welcome’ when you say thank you?” 

you freeze slightly at his words, heat pooling between your legs as you remember the night before. the way he made you say thank you. but his boldness to bring it up in front of your family has you rolling your eyes. “i think i like someone who will do what i say.” you respond. 

his mom laughs, “that’s not a big deal, richie’s all talk, but he’s a nice boy at heart. he needs someone who’ll boss him around.” she winks at you. you turn to richie, in turn raising your eyebrows cockily. he stares back at you. 

“oh, richie’s too busy with those other girls for me, anyways. i have my own troublemakers to worry about.” 

“okay.” richie starts, “i won’t waste my time on you, then. i got plenty of fish in the sea at home.” he says with a wink, and you turn red. why are you still so jealous? 

maggie hums, “oh, mais tu l'as toujours aimée, non?” her tone is teasing, and whatever it is she said makes went laugh, richie’s face going pink. “shush, maman, you just want y/n to marry me so i don’t go through five divorces.” 

everyone laughs. 

your eyes are wide, face full of heat as you stare at your food. the toziers and your family both have always been open about sexuality, and generally really close and so you're used to teasing like this from your parents and them, but you can't get over how jealous you feel. 

so richie has mind-blowing sex with everyone? you glare at your own cauliflower. 

"i'm going swimming." you say abruptly, pushing back and glaring at richie, tossing your finished plate in the dishwasher before exiting quickly, rushing to the pool on the side of the house. 

you're not in the pool for even two minutes before richie's footsteps echo down the side of the house. 

you hide your glare as you look at your body in the water before meeting his eyes, "what can i do for you, tozier?" 

he gives you a smirk, "someone's pissy today." he mutters as he slides into the pool, sitting on the bench under the water on the edge of the shallow end. you glare at him. "what was that shit you just pulled?" you snap. 

he looks at you innocently, "what? i did nothing. it was our parents. you're just fucking sensitive." you roll your eyes, heaving a sigh. when you look at him again, his eyes are trained on the skin of your chest exposed by your swim suit, and you glare.

“what? you like what you see, asshole?” you ask, snapping your fingers so he looks up at your eyes. he smirks, “yeah, i do. can't stop thinking about all the ways i could make you scream. if only you weren’t such a bitch.”

your jaw drops and you wade in the pool towards him. “says you. you couldn’t fucking handle me, tozier. you’re too much of a coward.” you spit. he just smiles. “right, again, i'd like to remind you how many times you begged me and thanked me last night." 

“i hate you so much.” you say, mustering the best glare you can. he raises his eyebrows. “oh, really? is that why you stormed out here?” he says. he tilts his head, "i thought it was because you were just aching so bad for me that you couldn't wait. 

you raise your brows, "fuck you. you were hard the minute i came in for lunch." you tease, toying with the strap of your bathing suit. richie's jaw clenches, but he shakes his head, "as if you weren't begging me to fuck you not twelve hours ago?" he counters, but his voice wavers slightly as you move toward him in the water, slowly sliding to straddle his lap, hands falling to his bare chest. 

"you're unbelievable." you counter, grinding your hips on his and relishing in the pleasure that courses through you. "i know how bad you need me." you whisper, kissing his earlobe before biting the skin of his neck below it. he hisses. 

he's kissing you seconds later, hands pawing at you under the water. he tastes like lime and a bit like the beer he'd had at the beach and again at lunch.

you drag your hand slowly under the waistband of his swim trunks and grasp the base of his cock, squeezing as you start to twist your wrist. he lets out a short moan, his head falling back against the edge of the pool. fuck, he’s so fucking hot like this. you pull him back in for a kiss before looking at him, stopping your motions with your hand. he moves his thumb to trace idle circles over your clit, and you bite back a moan as you watch him.

“what, are you waiting for instructions?" he asks with a cocky smirk. you glare at him hotly. 

then you're sinking onto him swiftly, making you gasp in pleasure and discomfort. he’s so fucking big, but you bite your lip so he doesn’t get the satisfaction of seeing you like this. but then he's the one a moaning and whimpering mess, because you're adjusting and still and he's restless. you feel him inside you, full completely with his cock, him at your mercy, and it makes you smirk. 

"beg for it, richie." you say. 

his eyes widen, cheeks pink. his mouth opens and closes several times, but you're patient. “tu vas me tuer,” he mutters to himself, and you roll your eyes. “i don’t speak french.” you snap, tugging his hair. 

 "please move. wanna feel you around me, please." he rushes out, groaning as he begs.  

you smile mockingly and rise, sinking down onto him again. "was that so hard?" you ask. you gasp, hands clutching the edge of the pool on either side of richie, the feeling of his cock stretching you making you whimper in bliss. he moans your name and it sounds melodic to your ears, his eyes shutting and head rolling back. 

you grab his jaw, though, and mutter, “look at me when i’m riding you, richie.” your voice is sweet and smooth and nothing like the words that fall from your mouth, and you feel him twitch inside you. it makes you grin. he moans, “merde.” 

you move on him, thrusting yourself up and down on him as the water moves around you, adrenaline coursing through you at the thought of getting caught. it makes you grin as you pepper kisses up and down the column of his throat. "god, y/n, please, feels so good." he whispers, hands gripping your hips. your stomach swirls, still responding to the praise though you're the one in control. 

you find a new angle and bite your lip to keep from screaming at the feeling and see richie biting his own bruised lips, his face flushed and chest heaving. his hands are digging into your hips harshly and if you weren’t in so much pleasure, you might laugh at how desperate he looks for you. he’s hitting deep inside you and you feel full, moaning as you bounce up and down.

“fuck, y/n/n… please, please.” he whimpers, his hands running over your hair and your shoulders, lips feathering over the column of your neck as you bounce yourself on him. you moan into his skin, kissing softly under his ear. 

"what do you say?" you whisper into his ear, tugging on his lobe. he lets out a low moan that has you clenching around him in arousal. he rolls his eyes and doesn't respond, so you tug his curls back and he hisses lightly, "i don’t know what you mean." he mutters, cheeks bright red. it makes you smirk, stomach curling with the need for sweet revenge. yes, he knows, but you play along. 

“dit ‘merci,’ pretty boy.” you whisper into his ear, using the only french phrase you can remember that you may or may not have looked up earlier today. but no matter, his reaction is priceless.  

goose bumps raise on his neck and arms and he groans lightly, muttering, “merci, ma belle.” 

you lean back, hips slowing, and you can tell it's torturous for him because his hands tighten on your hips, a small whine escaping his throat. "what was that, richie?" you ask, slowly grinding your hips and letting him hit that perfect spot inside you, making you close your eyes in ecstasy. "say it louder, i couldn't quite hear you. want everyone to know how easily i make you melt." 

"sh-shut up." he mutters instead, his hips starting to snap up into you. you're suddenly shocked by his switch in demeanor, you can tell he's trying to take control; you nearly laugh, and you would if it didn't feel so euphoric. he's smirking as he holds you, fucking up into you and making you clench your fists into his hair, struggling for dominance. "so easy for you to think you're in control," he mutters, "i could tell you were jealous. you only want this cock for yourself, isn't that right?" 

you flush warm at his words but you just glare, filled with anger so you surge forward, hand wrapping around his throat. his eyes go wide and a moan escapes his throat lowly, his hips stuttering. you hum in mock empathy, squeezing your hand lightly as you pepper kisses up his jaw. you start to bounce on his cock again, feeling so close to your orgasm that you have to contain your moans. 

"god, you're so hot when you stop talking." you whisper, hand wrapping around his throat, repeating the words he’d said to you yesterday. his adam's apple bobs as he swallows and stares up at you, a new kind of fire lighting in his eyes as he looks up at you, cheeks reddening as he lets out a light moan. "did you think of me again last night? when you were going to bed?" you ask gently, cupping his jaw as you move on him. 

he pants, nodding lightly with his bruised lip caught under his teeth. "did you think of fucking me, in the ocean? in the pool? in the kitchen? or did you imagine me swallowing your cock under the table during dinner?" you whisper to him, his adam's apple bobbing again, freckles popping out against his reddened cheeks. 

you tut, "richie, did you try to make me jealous today? that's a little embarrassing." 

"it worked, didn't it?" he mutters through a clenched jaw, eyes screwed shut in pleasure. you glare at him, hand raising and slapping his cheek lightly. his eyes shoot open as the left cheek fills with a light pink color, a smirk on his face that sends another wave of arousal over you.  it's almost a reflex it seems as richie's own hand shoots out of the water, wrapping around your own throat. 

you stare at each other as you continue to move on him, his hand on your throat and yours on his own, his cheek skin red from where you'd just slapped him. "that's a yes, doll." he mutters, still smirking. 

then you're moving your hips in a way that hits your g-spot, momentarily losing your grip on his neck as the pleasure makes your eyes roll back. his hand falls from your throat and rests on your hips, tugging you closer to him with need. 

richie’s torso falls back so he’s leaning against the pool wall, his eyes not leaving yours, desperation etched onto his face. you lean to press your hands against his chest, changing the angle again. “fuck.” he mutters and you moan, your legs burning but the pleasure flowing through your body.  

he all but growls, his head falls back with a groan of pleasure, his hands raising to your hips and fucking up into you, eyes scrunched.

"y/n, i'm close, please." he mutters. you moan lightly, "me too baby." you hiss back, his hand thumbing your clit and making you clench around his cock with arousal, legs shaking and toes curling as you fuck down onto him. 

his hips are stuttering and he’s whimpering, thumb rubbing against your clit. you moan at the feeling, whispering praise into richie’s ear, making him snap his hips quicker.

you hit your high quickly and it makes your body shake, your legs stuttering as you still yourself on him, moaning into his neck.

you start to move again, allowing richie to chase his high as he whimpers into your lips, gripping your thighs tight.  "please, please." he's groaning and then his hips are stuttering and he’s moaning your name, cumming as he kisses you.

you feel him fill you up and you sigh in pleasure, feeling shaky but more than satisfied. his hands fall from your hips to wipe at his hot, red face. you run your hands through his salty mess of curls, swallowing. "sorry i hit you." you say genuinely, even though you know he liked it. he chuckles, hands wrapping around your waist. 

"you should know that i liked it. i know you did too."

you can only chuckle lightly, face warm as you bury it in the crook of his neck, still too sensitive for either of you to move yet. he continues after a beat.

"i may hate you, y/n, but god damn if our sex isn't the best i've ever had." he says it in an exhausted voice, eyes closed as your skin sticks to his own, but you laugh a bit tiredly, pressing a kiss to his collarbone and comfortable in the feeling of him still deep inside you. it’s obvious that the feeling in your chest when he speaks those words is pride. 

"then we need to make the most of this vacation, i guess." you say, eyes fluttering. 

tag list:  @gabiatthedisco @blisshemmings @stenbrozier  @sft-core @clownsloveyou  @moon-shine-baby @daughter-of-the-stars11 @trashedfortozier @oceandog13 @chl0bee  @kait16xo @upamongthestarss @fiantomartell @beverlyparkerr @beauregard-s @diorbubs @leighjaenikhowell @groovybimbo @deepestofwaters  @nate-hargreeves @sassy-uris @loverloserrr @hauntingkaspbrak @soph-ec @hockslutter @babytortie @decafcoffew  @etaerealboy

© all content belongs to soulwillower/tremendum 2021. do not modify, repost, or redistribute. 

[pompadourpink]

Hello mother, I found your "finding a good partner" post in the masterpost and I'm wondering what you mean by having a 3 week long interview. Is it before you agree to kiss them? And if so, how do you keep the guy patient? Thanks <3

Hello dear,

Before I agree to meet them! Experience showed me that making myself available immediately sends desperate signals which give you the image of someone who's so afraid of being alone they'll accept anything, even bad treatment, and that girl will end up dating a shadow who flirts with other people on the side, is never around, and calls her a headache if she requests one crumb of commitment.

So whether we're meeting online or in real life, I first act sweet but friendly, and then we talk and talk (through text then social media) for two to three weeks during which we discuss hobbies, career, childhood, stupid "would you rather" preferences, etc.; after which we go to dinner and the deed is done.

Why do I do it?

Someone who takes one glance at you and wants to go have drinks or rushes you to meet again is exclusively impressed by your appearance - that's the only thing they know. I think hook up culture is a waste of time - especially for girls who are less likely to get off anyway.

Getting a chance to know who I'm talking to before anything happens means I'm less likely to start catching feelings for someone and realise that we don't have the same values at all during a casual conversation, two months in. I will never take the chance of having a dear friend being disrespected by some crusty dude I thought was cute.

I know who I am and what I want. The first really good man I dated got a swipe right because he had a fun bio and was wearing a tiara and holding a cat on a pic and eventually spent an hour making me dinner every night. When you understand you can get that, you never want to compromise again, even if you don't want to settle down now.

I've been doing that for about five years, and anyone who passed the first-week mark never got impatient and instead quietly waited for me to make myself available. TikTok's algorithm decided I wanted to see lots of young women who don't know if they should get ready for a first date that night because they haven't heard from the guy in a while - and he's always a no show and comes up with a stupid excuse the next day. I sympathise but can't relate, because by the time the first date is finally planned (dinner, not drinks, I'm not 19 anymore - first impressions are important), I've been texting with the guy every day and he can't wait.

Clearly, most of those relationships ended up in a breakup after we realised we wanted different things, and that's okay, because there's no point in being with someone if you're not happy. I got to learn what I wanted, what I didn't want, got used to being treated with respect and feeling loved (for reference, I ended my worst relationship when the guy whistled for me to get my attention).

And now, I'm dating someone who dances with me every night, plays the guitar when I get stressed out, spends hours answering my endless questions (he's a surgeon) and has been talking about puppies for a while. We both know I want to leave town and he can't, so it's not like we're getting married, but we're taking each other seriously and I feel 100% safe around him. Here is what matters.

Love,

Mum

[apexqueenie]

Hi sweet! Welcome to Tumblr ❤️ I was wondering if you could do a Bakugou x reader, where the read is quirk-less and hides it from him, then he finds out and angsty stuff happens, but it ends in fluff. Feel free to change bits ❤️

Yasssssssss sorry this took so long!!! I recently took a trip to Oregon and couldn’t write as efficiently as I wanted to, please enjoy!!!

The Bitchy Couple (Bakugou x Quirkless Reader)

Warnings: swearing (duh)

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

You remember the first time Bakugou laid eyes on you. It almost felt like it was yesterday. He tried to kill you then.

You roamed the middle school grounds, looking for someone to hang out with during lunch. The latest pop music blared in your eardrums as you lost yourself in your imagination, pretending you were in a music video or something. You were so lost in thought that you didn’t even see the three people that were headed your direction, equally distracted. The one in front was walking backwards, spouting loud nonsense to the two. He had no idea that you two were on a collision course straight for each other until BAM, your face collided into his shoulder blades.

“HEY, WHAT THE FUCK YOU NERD?” he turned around and yelled

Annoyed, you readjusted your headphones and scoffed. “You were the one walking backwards asshole, and you’ve got 2 goonies who coulda warned you, but I guess all you were too stupid!” You spat, walking off.

Back then, you were the only one who threw his shitty attitude right back at him. Bakugou didn’t wanna admit it, but he respected someone who could fight his fire with fire. Screw bullying the lower classmen, they weren’t as entertaining after a while. Besides, he found a new hobby, and it was to outdo you.

Almost every day, your conversations would end up something like this:

“Hey you wench, where’d you get those shitty headphones?”

“Up your mom’s ass, dickhead”

“Oh yeah? At least she has an ass. It looks like your back just extends to your legs”

Then, it escalated more into:

“Suck my dick, Bakubitch”

“How bout u suck mine? I’ve prolly got a bigger one anyways!”

“Nah, I know you’ve choked on waaaaaaaaaay more dick”

-And it got to the point that people were taking bets on who won the insult fest that day. In your school, you two were a famous duo, often being referred to as “the bitchy couple”, well, at least to the outsiders.

Away from the eyes of your classmates, Bakugou was a little more...sweet? You weren’t really sure what to call it, but it was a side of him that wasn’t always angry, someone who didn’t feel like he had to put on a show all the time. You worked hard to uncover that side of him, and damn were you proud. You did nearly everything to annoy him at first: telling everyone his most embarrassing secrets during lunch, purposely pairing with him during class projects- you even got your mom to contact his mom so they can arrange “study sessions” for you two. In return, he’d send the most embarrassing pictures of you to guys who asked you out, steal the shoes out of your locker so you’d walk to class with smelly feet, and blew up your jacket a couple of times during the winter. Eventually though, when the two of you walked home together alone and away from your audience, he’d lend you his jacket, promising to buy you a new one to replace the one he destroyed. During those class projects, you’d pour your all into obtaining a good grade when no one was looking. Underneath the mask that the two of you showed everyone, you guys were almost a couple.

Almost.

“Baka-gouuuuu” you hummed.

“What?”

You pouted your lips at him, earning yourself an aggravated blush from the gremlin.

“Disgusting” he said, “come to UA with me”

“Haha- wait what?” You stopped, completely baffled, “you want me to WHAT?”

Bakugou scoffed, not meeting your eyes. “You heard what I said.”

You scanned his face, looking for any sign of sarcasm or jokes...anything-but no, he was dead serious. That was completely out of character for him, even you were amazed at how sudden his behavior flipped. You looked down, thoughts spinning in your head as you processed the question. You were nervous, but why? He asked you to go with him, THE Bakugou asked you to apply at the same school when he basically bullied half the rest of the school out of even THINKING about it, so why aren’t you excited?

“Hero course” he said, and pointed to himself, “like me”

Then it clicked in your head, not once in the entire time the both of you had together did you ever show off your quirk like he did. Even when he’d challenge you, you’d always end up saying something like, “I don’t need a stupid quirk to make you cry like a little baby”. He’d think nothing of it and continue squabbling with you. No one, not even your own mother has ever outright told him you were quirkless. Maybe part of you was scared of what his reaction will be, judging from the way he treats Deku. Maybe some of it was shame from being a part of the minority in the world. You didn’t really know, and it was just something you never really wanted to find time for. Now, all that laziness was coming right back to bite you in the ass.

“Bakugou, I don’t really-“

“I’m gonna need someone to bully at UA...other than shitty Deku” he said, but his eyes told you what he really wanted. He wanted someone loyal, someone who would stick around through all his bullshit when no one else would. Even his goons were intimidated out of applying at UA. There wasn’t anyone left to compete against and keep Bakugou grounded except for, well, you.

You sighed, wondering how you were going to explain this to him.

“(Y/n)-“ he started again.

But you were faster, “I can’t apply to the hero course, Bakugou.”

He looked at you, confusion written all over his face. “What? Why?”

You looked down, averting his gaze. “Uhm, because... I can’t be a hero without a quirk, can I?” You say quietly.

It seemed like the world just stopped the moment those words left your mouth. The wind stopped shaking the leaves of the trees around you and Bakugou just...froze. You stayed silent, letting him take it all in.

His mouth moved as if he wanted to say something, but he turned away instead, muttering something under his breath that you couldn’t quite hear.

“Baku, I can’t hear you.”

He turned around, rage in his eyes. He spoke low and aggressive, sending shivers down your spine, “so you were just a quirkless nerd this whole time? Did you hear me that time you little bitch?” He took a step towards you, towering over your smaller frame. You stumbled backwards and almost lost your footing, fear rushing through your veins. You were well aware of what Bakugou could do, but you never thought that you’d be on the receiving end. Is this what Bakugou was like as a true bully?

Bakugou scoffed at your reaction and continued advancing in your direction, “How noble of you, following me around and wasting time with pathetic insults when I could’ve been training. Do you feel proud of yourself? DO YOU?”

You were shocked. He hasn't talked to you like that before. Not like this. Tears threatened to start forming at your eyes, flushing your face red. Bakugou blinked, realizing what he just said. Deep down, he felt awful from the very first sentence, but his ego wouldn’t let him apologize. He turned around and walked on home, leaving you silently crying where he left you.

He nearly broke the hinges of the door off when he got home, ignoring his mother’s yells and climbing up to his room. He cursed over and over again, fighting his conscience and his ego at the same time. Dammit, he was supposed to be fighting villains, not his own head! On one hand, he just couldn’t believe that you would tolerate him calling quirkless people pieces of shit, but on the other hand, he thought maybe it was his fault for making you feel unwelcome at the topic. Either way, he wasn’t sure what to be angry about, so he got angry at everything.

“aaauuAAAAAGH” he yelled in frustration, as he slams his body down onto his bed. What the hell was he supposed to do now? You probably-no, DEFINITELY didn’t want anything to do with him by now. Still, he just couldn’t help but feel bad. It was gnawing at his chest relentlessly, urging him to go back and make things right, and that was exactly what he was gonna do.

“KATSUKI!!! WHY IS IT SO DAMN COLD IN THE HOUSE?” Mama Bakugou yelled. She waited for an angry response, but heard nothing. She walked up the stairs, expecting her son to have passed out already, but was instead greeted with an empty room...and an open window. “Stupid kid,” she scowled, “coulda walked out the front door ya know, or at least close the damn window.”

***

Bakugou didn’t break a sweat running to your house, but he panted hard. His mind was jam packed with the things he wanted to say to you, he just had to find the courage to say it. Hah, Bakugou Katsuki... afraid of something? That was a first. He climbed the side of your fence up along a pipe, just like he’s done a million times before. He’d come and leave before your mom could smother him with her home cooking and conversations about arranging a marriage between you and him. It honestly became a little too overwhelming, and he’d just sneak in and out whenever he’d have to tutor you on something.

He pulled the window open and slipped in only to find a lamp being swung at his face. He dodged nimbly and stopped your second swing with one hand, ripping the lamp out of your hands before you could try again. You turned around and grabbed a book off your desk, yeeting it at his face before kicking his stomach. The lamp made a thump as it landed on the floor, Bakugou now occupied with the gigantic math book. You frantically looked for something else to throw, knowing he recovered quickly in combat. Your eyes landed on a half eaten pork bun on your bedside dresser and you quickly lunged at it, managing to hit Bakugou’s forehead before he could see it coming.

“God DAMMIT stop tryna hit me with shit!” He yelled, shoving you on to your bed.

You staggered a bit before falling and growled in anger, “you have some fuckin nerve coming back here after what you said!” You yelled back.

“Honey what’s going on?” Your mother called, opening the door. You two were so caught up in arguing that you didn’t realize how much noise it was making...or the footsteps coming upstairs. Your mom gasped as she saw what happened. You lying on the bed, hair messy, shirt a bit ruffled...Bakugou standing over you just OOZING dominance...oh yeah, she got the picture. The WRONG picture.

She blushed bright pink, “oh uh, hi Katsuki, be careful you guys ok?!?! Okbyedontforfettouseprotection!” She said before slamming the door closed in a hurry and climbing down the stairs.

“MOM WAIT NO IT'S NOT LIKE THATUUUUUUUUUGH” you yelled and plopped your face into your hands. You weren’t even angry anymore at Bakugou, just frustrated.

You sighed, lifting your face from your hands and stared into empty space. Bakugou took the empty spot next to you, looking at the ground. There was a long and awkward silence between the two of you. Painfully long. Bakugou eventually sighed, making a move to break the extremely thick ice.

“I didn’t really mean what I said, (y/n)-“ he started.

“Then why did you say it?” You snarled.

Bakugou looked up at you, then back at the ground, fiddling with the fabric of his pants. “I was just, I dunno, angry at myself ok? Fuck off, wait no don’t fuck off, I...” he shook his head and took a big huff of air. Admitting his own wrongs wasn’t his forte, but it was definitely entertaining. You resisted the urge to smile a bit. He didn’t deserve that yet, not until he apologized. “I was just angry cuz...cuz I thought only people with quirks could be strong. But then you showed up and I thought you were probably the third strongest person I’ve ever met-“

“Third?” You cocked an eyebrow.

“After All Might, then me” he said, furrowing his eyebrows, “anyways, back to the point, look, I’m just sorry, for everything and I guess I shouldn’t have said that. I got upset at the fact that...I can’t beat your ass in hero course now. I can’t do projects with you anymore. And plus, if you aren’t going to UA anymore then-“

Bakugou was interrupted once again when you sat up, walked over to your desk, and dug through your drawer. You pulled a few pieces out before finding the one you wanted, then proceeded to wave it in the gremlin’s face.

“Who said I wasn’t going to UA?” You said, watching as his face just stared at the paper in awe.

“You’re enrolling in support?!” He yelled, taking the paper out of your hand.

“Yep” you said, giving him a small smile.

Bakugou lowered the paper and hung his head, “(y/n), I wouldn’t blame you if you never wanted to see me again.”

You sat back down and scooted over to lean on his shoulder, something he’d only ever let you do in private. “It’s ok Bakagou, I know you were only scared of losing me to some quirkless job like accounting or-“

“SHUT THE FUCK UP IM NOT SCARED OF WIMPY SHIT LIKE THAT” he yelled, a small and almost unnoticeable blush appearing on his face.

You giggled, “sure whatever, look, I won’t be able to fight villains with you, but I can help you fight villains better by making support items for you. So I guess...that kinda makes me the hero behind the hero huh?” You smiled.

Bakugou scoffed, “Heh whatever, you better make me the best fuckin support items out of anyone there cuz I’m gonna need em to be number one, understand?!”

You scoffed back, “Number one my ass, maybe third place at the MOST.”

He growled as he whacked you with a pillow, making you shriek with delight. High school with this angry gremlin was gonna be interesting.

[eyeofthedrgn]

A Heavy Battle Symphony Chapter 14

Trigger warning: language, mental abuse, verbal abuse, physical abuse, violence, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, self harm, self-esteem issues, sexual abuse (only alluded to briefly in future chapters), drinking (comes up late in the story) just a lot of trauma, angst, smut

Word count: 3407

Chapter 14 - Sharp Edges

Sharp edges have consequences

I guess that I had to find out for myself

Sharp edges have consequences

Now every scar is a story I can tell

His mother was staring at him in disbelief.

"What the fuck was that, Rowan?"

He blinked at his mother, she had never cursed at him before.

"What do you mean?" He got defensive. "I think I'm allowed to be upset if my boyfriend doesn't tell me what he's been up to for the last, however long."

His mother's eyebrows shot into her hair. "Wow, Rowan. Wow."

She grabbed her box from the bag and left Rowan to stew in the living room.

---

Lorcan was laying on his floor, bleeding on an old towel. He was finally numb after a couple hours. All he could feel was the sting in his arms. His head was a little fuzzy.

There was a knock on the door.

"Lor, can we talk? Please?"

Lorcan closed his eyes and ignored the man he had been wanting to see for months. Things weren't going the way they were supposed to. So much for being proud of himself.

++++

It was the next day and Rowan still didn't understand what the big deal had been yesterday. He hadn't seen Lorcan all day and he was getting frustrated. Rowan was only here for a week and they were wasting time over this.

So, Rowan called Aelin. He needed to vent. He didn't feel like he was being unreasonable. But apparently, he was being an asshole. Aelin cussed him out and told him he was a stupid shit. Aelin had gotten Elide on the line, and she also ripped Rowan a new one.

"If I were there, I would slap you. You are ridiculous. Lorcan found a hobby using your dad's old tools and made you something. He wanted to surprise you and your mom. Why on earth do you think you have any right to be mad at him?! Lorcan probably thought he was being sweet! And for the record, he was!" With Aelin defending him, Rowan knew he was in the wrong, but he still wasn’t grasping why. He was pacing in his room.

"Yeah, Ro. I did that with Manon, I learned how to crochet without her knowing and made her a scarf. She was so excited when I gave it to her." Elide sighed. "Rowan, what made you so upset anyway?"

"Fuck, I don't know. It made me feel like I don't know him.” He ran his hand through his hair as he continued his pacing. “That he could just do so much without me knowing."

"Are you saying you don't trust him?"

"What? No!"

Silence.

"Really, guys?"

"Well.." Elide was holding something back.

Aelin chimed in, "He's been through hell, he's only ever felt safe around you. He went to you when he got out of the hospital after he almost died!" The last word was overly emphasized. "Can't you understand that he probably just wanted to feel confident in something before he told you about it. He probably didn't want to be hounded about his progress. This is the first thing he's done for himself, Rowan! Let him have this thing!" She was basically yelling at him at the end.

He didn't know what to say. Especially since Aelin was on Lorcan’s side. She hadn't ever really liked the boy.

"You are being selfish."

He was. Fucking Hel.

"You're right. You're right. Gods damn it. I need to go."

They both said bye and hung up.

He walked over to Lorcan's door again.

"Love?" He knocked. Nothing. "I was an asshole. A selfish asshole. Can we please talk?"

He heard the bathroom door behind him open and turned to see Lorcan behind him. He was wearing one of his ratty old hoodies that had been too big for him before and a pair of sweats. His face was blank, not a hint of emotion.

"You're a prick." He pushed past Rowan and shut his door in his face.

He stared at the door. "I guess I deserved that."

His mother walked by him to the stairwell carrying a basket of laundry. "Give him some time and maybe cool off a bit more yourself. Come help me with lunch."

He looked back at Lorcan's door with a sigh as he followed his mother to the kitchen.

---

Lorcan laid curled up in bed. His stomach growled, but he ignored it. After rebandaging himself, he had found Rowan at his door. The desire to filet his arm flooded his mind. He just called Rowan a prick and shut himself away again. He couldn't handle it right now.

It felt like all the progress he made was just reversed. Here he was floating yet again in his own ocean of despair.

There was a soft knock on his door that interrupted his thoughts. "Lorcan, dear?" It was Barb. "I brought you some food."

He got up and opened the door. She gave him a sad smile.

"Can I have a hug?" His voice was no more than a whisper.

"Of course, love." She hugged him and he cried on her shoulder. Her hand made soothing circles on his back.

They stayed like that for a while. Lorcan finally pulled away, wiping his face with his sleeve, he said, "I'm sorry I got your shirt wet."

"Nonsense. Come here." She shut Lorcan's door and went to sit on the edge of his bed. Patting the spot beside her. Lorcan obeyed, looking at his hands on his lap.

"Rowan has had trust issues for most of his life. The few boyfriend's he's had have cheated on him or ghosted him. So, I assume he thinks that since you didn't tell him about this, that you won't tell him other things." Lorcan's brow furrowed. "You had every right to keep your new hobby a surprise. Rowan overreacted. Sometimes, he's a little selfish." She gave his knee a squeeze.

Lorcan thought back to Solstice break when Rowan tried moving too fast for him. He sighed. Selfish indeed.

"I know you're upset, love. But I do think you two should talk. He's only here for a week."

Barb got up and left. The door clicked shut.

++++

Rowan didn't know what to do. Lorcan wasn't talking to him, he had already done some chores and worked out for an hour. So now, he was standing in the kitchen stealing cookie dough out of the bowl.

His mother hit his hand as he went for more dough. "Out! I'm tired of your moping! I don't want to see you again until you two make up! Go!" She shooed him and his semi-permanent frown away.

He decided to go outside. The fresh air should do him good. He wandered around the backyard. The trees were blossoming, the flowers were blooming. It was a beautiful sunny spring day, but he felt hollow.

After several minutes, he found himself in front of his dad's shop. The light was on and the door was cracked. Pushing open the door, he found Lorcan hunched over a piece of wood with a carving chisel and mallet in his hands. He had headphones on, completely oblivious to the world around him.

Lorcan blew on the work in front of him and wood chips flew. The chisel met the wood again. Rowan just watched him work for a while. It was relaxing. His boyfriend looked like he belonged here. Honestly, it reminded him of his father. Gods he had been so fucking stupid yesterday.

Waiting until Lorcan was brushing away wood chips, he knocked on the door frame. Lorcan looked up. His lips pressed into a thin line. Any emotion he had had while carving, left his face the moment their eyes met. It made Rowan’s heart drop to his stomach.

"Hey," Rowan said tentatively.

Lorcan just set the chisel and mallet down then took his headphones off after tapping the pause button on his phone, and set them next to his work. He lowered his eyes. It hurt that Lorcan didn't even want to look at him. Rowan took a deep breath as he took a couple steps into the shop.

"I'm a huge fucking selfish asshole. I was stupid and immature and wasn't thinking of you. Aelin, Elide, and Mom told me I was an idiot. And they're right. You were right to call me a prick. I let my insecurities get to me. I had a gut reaction to assume that maybe I wouldn't be able to trust you in the future if you were going to keep things from me. But I realize that I'm being stupid. Aelin ripped me a new one for thinking that as did Elide. And I totally deserve it.” He took another deep breath.

"Honestly, I don't feel like I deserve your forgiveness. But I hope-" He swallowed, pausing for a moment to gather his thoughts. "I love you and I'm so fucking sorry." Tears were falling down his cheeks now, Lorcan always made him more emotional than he felt he should be. Lorcan still sat frozen, staring at the workbench. Rowan roughly wiped his tears away before continuing. "I really am proud of you for finding something you enjoy and those boxes you made.. they're fucking gorgeous." He wiped his tears again and sighed.

It felt like ages before it looked like Lorcan would acknowledge him. But then, he shifted and Rowan saw the white knuckles of his fists. He was obviously digging his nails into his palms. Rowan wondered how often he did that.

"I'm-" Lorcan took a deep shaky breath. "I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel right now." He finally looked up at Rowan, his eyes were shiny with tears. "Do you trust me or not? Because if you don't.." His face started to crumple.

"I trust you. I trust you with my life." Rowan's feet finally moved forward, his heart breaking at the hurt on Lorcan's face. "I just let my past relationships control my feelings yesterday. And I'm so sorry. You are nothing like any of my past boyfriends. Nothing. You are the best thing that has happened to me, Lor. I promise." Rowan hoped to the gods that Lorcan believed him. He really wanted to touch Lorcan, but wasn't sure if it would be welcomed.

There was a long pause. The silence was deafening.

Lorcan just nodded. "Do you want to see what I'm working on?"

Rowan sighed in relief and nodded. He knew that was Lorcan's way of forgiving him. Lorcan had never been good with verbalizing words.

The rest of the afternoon he watched Lorcan work. It was really nice hanging out in the shop again, though it made him a little sad that he wasn't watching his father work. He was amazed at the talent that his lover had after only a few months. Lorcan was working on an intricate Celtic knot carving. The way he held the chisel and the small mallet, the way his muscles moved on his forearms, the way his… scars. So many scars. Rowan’s eyes roved over the dozens upon dozens of scars across both of his forearms.

Rowan felt like Lorcan forgot he was here. He had pushed up his sleeves. He never pushes up his sleeves. And now he knew why. How had he not noticed them when they were intimate? The insides of his arms were covered in scars and there were matching bandages on both. Fuck.

Tears instantly welled in Rowan's eyes. His throat tightened, so his voice was higher than it usually was. "Lor?"

Lorcan jumped. He had definitely lost himself in his work. He slowly set the chisel and mallet down. Looking at his arms, he realized what was happening. He pulled his sleeves down and over his hands. He started trembling, he wouldn't look at him. Rowan set his hand on the table in front of Lorcan, palm up, inviting him to stay, to trust him.

---

He wasn't ready for this.

Lorcan had lost himself in his work. It was so easy for him to do. He liked working with his sleeves pushed up, the fabric got in the way otherwise. But he forgot Rowan was there. And now, Rowan knew. He knew. Lorcan wanted to disappear.

Now what? Rowan wasn't running away from him, if anything he was asking him not to run away. Rowan had set his hand on the table, palm up, waiting. Patient.

He was shaking. He released a shaky breath as he grasped the hand waiting on the table. Rowan finally breathed. They just stayed there for several minutes.

Rowan finally broke the silence, "When?" He must have been talking about the bandages. Lorcan dropped his head in shame and embarrassment. He had let his emotions run high and take over last night. He hadn't thought, he just did.

"Did I-" he sucked in a breath. Rowan's voice shook, "I caused those… Oh, gods, Lorcan. I'm so fucking sorry." Rowan's hand tightened and his other hand covered his face as he did his best to hold in his sobs.

Lorcan turned to him, shocked that Rowan blamed himself. He stood and wrapped his arms around Rowan's shoulders, pulling them tight together.

His voice was quiet, "Hey." Lorcan reached up a hand to gently pull Rowan's away so he could see his face. "Hey. Rowan, please don't blame yourself. I let my emotions take over last night. I'm sorry." He placed a kiss on his forehead. "It's not your fault."

"Yes it is." His eyes were so sad. It made his heart ache. "It is. It is." They rested their foreheads against each other. "Can you forgive me? I.. I feel like complete and utter shit. Gods, you shouldn't forgive me. I- fuck.." Rowan's eyes shuttered and tears fell.

Lorcan just wanted him to stop talking. He knew Rowan was sorry, he knew it wasn't Rowan's fault. All he wanted was for Rowan to be happy, that's why he made the damn box in the first place. But right now, he wasn't sure how to fix it. He was terrible at talking. So, he just did what he would want.

He kissed him. Softly. He tried to put his emotions into it, to let Rowan know that everything would be okay. Everything would work out. They would work out because there was no one else for Lorcan.

A moment passed when Rowan didn't return the kiss and Lorcan felt his heart sink, but then he was being pushed up against the wall, open mouthed kisses pressed to his lips. The passion emanating off of Rowan felt like he could reach out and touch it.

They were just a tangle of tongue and lips, hands everywhere, anywhere. Moans and whimpers, their names said as prayers.

Rowan moved to Lorcan's neck and he leaned his head to the side to give the man more access. He needed Rowan. The last two days had been Hel. Lorcan had missed him so much. Having felt so far away from his lover even though they were in the same house was killing him.

Lorcan rolled his hips against Rowan's and the glorious sound that rumbled against his neck, oh, he wanted to bottle it and save it for later.

"Rowan, please." He didn't know what he was asking for. He just wanted more.

Rowan stopped, he whined. His lover's hands cupped his face, looking into his eyes. "Lorcan Salvaterre, I love you more than anything in this world. And I am so incredibly sorry that I caused you pain. And I am so amazingly grateful that you still want to be with me and have me in your life."

Lorcan pressed a soft kiss to Rowan's swollen lips. And another. "You are mine." And with that Lorcan claimed his mouth. His fingers curled into silver hair.

++++

"You are mine."

Rowan's toes curled at the authority in Lorcan's voice. He was at Lorcan's mercy. Somehow, he was against the wall now. Strong fingers were tangled in his hair, their tongues clashed as Lorcan fought for dominance. Rowan let him have it.

As he exposed his neck, it was covered in kisses and licks, grazed by teeth. He shivered, it felt like he couldn't breathe. Lorcan's hands were slow as they caressed his body. They wandered under his shirt, brushed against his nipples, he gasped. Then, they slowly moved down. Down. Farther.

There was the softest caress at the hardness in his shorts. He moaned loudly as Lorcan pressed his hand against him. He sucked in a breath and held it as he rocked his hips against his lover's hand.

He felt Lorcan smile against his neck before an open mouthed kiss was pressed to his burning flesh. "Lor.. love, please."

Lorcan's hand moved up, causing a whine to escape his lips at the lack of contact. But then, strong, calloused fingers slid under his waistband. He paused, a question. "Please."

His hand touched bare skin no one had ever touched before. And it felt so right for it to be Lorcan. He didn't go straight to his cock and that frustrated him, until he realized Lorcan was relishing in the feeling of his skin.

Dextrous fingers fluttered over his hip. Was he breathing? After those beautiful fingers had taken their time memorizing his hip, they then skated slowly down his Adonis belt to where he needed him.

"I love you, Lor."

---

Lorcan's nose brushed up his neck and then he breathed on his ear. "I love you, Rowan." He gripped the hardened, velvety flesh of his lover and watched as his head fell back against the wall as he groaned. His thumb caressed the head of Rowan's cock and hips thrust forward on their own.

"You're so soft." A smile in his voice. Rowan whimpered and melted into Lorcan at his words. "You feel good in my hand." Lorcan claimed Rowan's lips and he stroked the man at his mercy, slow at first, taking his time, enjoying how the taut skin felt against his fingers. Enjoying the noises coming from the glorious silver haired man pressed to the wall in front of him. His green eyes were blown wide with lust. He was sure his looked the same.

He quickened his pace. But only enough to push him just to the edge. Lorcan had been rocking his own hips against Rowan's thigh. He wanted them to come together. And he wanted Rowan's touch to bring him to climax.

He whispered against Rowan's lips, "Touch me." Shock flitted over his face, Lorcan just nodded.

Warm hands gently found his waistband and brushed his skin, he closed his eyes and dropped his head to Rowan's shoulder. He stopped all other movements to focus on Rowan's first touches. Fingers wrapped around him and he let out a guttural moan, it was almost primal. This feeling was nothing like what he thought it would be. It was so much better. He felt Rowan's cock twitch in his hand and he almost was undone right there.

Rowan placed a kiss on his temple and slowly started stroking him.

"Ro. Rowan." His name was just a breath of air as it left his lips.

He started his ministrations back up and brought his lips to Rowan's. After several heated moments, they broke the kiss, foreheads together. They were both close.

"Lor, come for me. I love you so much, I want you to come in my hand."

They were breathing heavily.

Lorcan managed a chuckle as he said, "Only if you come in my hand, love." He pumped his hand faster. "Come for me." Rowan's eyes rolled back and he started spasming as he crashed over that edge. Watching and feeling his love in front of him coming in his grip had him finding his own release shortly after. They milked each other until they were both spent and trembling.

Lorcan collapsed against Rowan. It felt like he just ran a marathon. His legs shook and he couldn't get enough air into his lungs. But fucking Hellas was that worth it. Rowan’s hand on him felt so much better than his own.

He pressed several, slow chaste kisses to his lover's mouth.

"That was.."

"Yeah." Lorcan was on cloud nine. "Yeah." He buried his face in his lover's neck and inhaled the scent of home.

____

Thanks for reading!

@thenerdandfandoms @starlightorstarfire @tanvee1231

[1eos]

on that one post u were like "i have to rewrite narratives to make them better" and im the same way, so i wanted to ask since youre playing p5 rn, what would you change about p5 to make it better? i love all the characters sm... but some of them r just handled so poorly cough cough ann... so im interested in hearing ur thoughts!!

oh im so glad u asked. after 300 hrs in persona 5 i have THOUGHTS. so i think p much every character in p5 has a p good introduction nd base but the nuance of their motivations nd growth go out of the window ESPECIALLY for ann nd ryuji. under the cut ofc bc im a long winded bitch 😔

i would rewrite everything abt ann post kamoshida tbh bc the whole thing abt the first arc was abt women nd kids being treated like objects just to treat her like an object the whole time? hell no. for one her pt outfit would NOT be that. i love a catsuit but the boob window was evil. nd ALSO i would have the male character NOT remark on her body as they get closer actually i would rewrite ryuji to not be flirty towards ann at all bc there's a moment where u find out they went to the same junior high nd knew each other nd i would rather have a kinda reunited sibling vibe bc ann’s whole thing is abt not feeling safe so for her friends to look down her shirt as a joke is.............no.

also her confidant would have to be kinda rewritten. again i think its weird for ann to lament abt her looks making her a target then her goal is to be a model....? nd she has no real drive for it? atlus basically just like to make lovers arcana girls famous PERSONALLY i would make ann’s route abt finding out what she actually wants to do bc she has no passion the way shiho had for volleyball nd finding out who she is beyond her looks nd beyond being shiho’s friend. like ann has no hobbies mentioned in game other than eating sweets nd not doing her homework but it always circle back to her weight 😐

nd bc of the above i would tweak yusukes introduction to be him either wanting to draw the protag bc atlus was so close to like........a good narrative on how artists should love the human body regardless of gender nd spare ann being treated as a walking pair of tits or just him wanting to draw her with her clothes ON nd it being a moment abt capturing inner nd outer beauty rather than tits

who else.........oh ryuji. im tired of atlus turning characters w unexplored trauma into comic relief. they do it to kanji too to the point where its homophobia nd its like.........why? nd there are so many moments where ryuji lashes out then APOLOGIZES bc he recognizes the behavior is bad nd its prime time to explore his relationship w his father. or even explore the relationship w the staff? like every teacher believed lies abt him AND the protag so eye think it wouldve been beneficial to get moments where the public opinion of both u nd ryuji changes for the better once kamoshida is exposed. 

nd honestly that dumbass part of the game where morgana leaves the party couldve been ryuji. i think it wouldve been justified to have him blowing up after the nth time he was treated as a joke or throwaway despite having as much emotional baggage as the rest of them. like ryuji is the first one to stand up to men who bother the girls nd they rag on him for nooooooo reason i think calling everyone out on being so callous nd treating him like comic relief wouldve been better nd it still couldve segued into getting haru bc after he stormed out he couldve seen haru w her shit stain of a fiance nd then jumped in to save her from him..........like i see the vision

akechi............................................................my biggest gripe w the game. akechi is such a weak villain until the very end nd ik atlus wanted to recreate the iconic narrative foil between the p4 protag nd adachi but it doesnt work 😭😭😭 for one akechi is bland nd has no real personality besides being sneaky but WE AS THE AUDIENCE DON’T EVEN GET THAT. actually no first of all making akechi a detective was so fucking stupid like again....they just wanted to recreate naoto from persona 4 but worse. 

i would double down on making akechi joker’s other half. have him be another normal student that stumbled upon powers nd double down on him being fake!!!!!! have him help the party one minute just to actively put them in harms way there was no real rivalry btwn u nd akechi which is why facing him in the end fell flat other than the great voice acting nd twist of him having multiple personas but like......we need more hints! imagine akechi hinting that he sees the velvet room? 

also his route being automatic 🤮 ik p5 was bogged down w links but in my p5 akechi is a night slink thats kinda offputting? like u don’t get closer to him per se but u do see more sides of him nd he can even give u a fake request nd when u go into the metaverse he’s there nd its even weirder. wasted potential with that one

that’s p much all of my big changes other than no kawakami or ohya romance fakfajfkafjakkjf thank u for reading all of this im sorry i talk so much

[purplesurveys]

1275

When you were younger, did your mother or father ever let you open a few presents before Christmas or your birthday even arrived?  We open all our presents the night of Christmas Eve to begin with; but no, they don’t tease by letting us open a few of them before our usual schedule.

If you could receive a 100 dollar gift card for either blouses, pants, dresses, shoes or purses, which would you chose?  If I could change blouses to shirts, then I would go with that because I’ve recently gotten into t-shirts and sweatshirts and no longer the trendy and preppy tops I used to like haha. But if not, I would go for shoes.

What is your favorite thing to do after crying? Ex: Sleep, listen to music, have some alone time, talk to someone, etc?  It varies as it depends on how much I cried. The harder I cried the more I’d want to sleep it off, because it can actually get pretty exhausting. Sometimes I’ll reach out, sometimes I write. It’s really different every time, but at the end I’m just glad I can no longer even remember the last time I cried out of sadness.

Do you think Trump will be assassinated, or will he survive his term?  Well we know the answer to this. It’s satisfying to notice him disappear off the face of the Earth immediately after his term, though. I don’t have a clue what he’s up to now.

Last time you felt suicidal?  For some reason I felt down last Thursday and I felt the slightest, slightest tinge of suicidal thoughts. No idea where it came from.

Last time you had butterflies?  Ugh idk but it was probably BTS-related hahahahahahah

Biggest asshole you know?  Certain politicians.

Did you ever leave someone because you know you’d hurt them?  No, I was on the opposite side of the coin for this one. I was broken up with because they believed they would hurt me, if not already doing so.

What song did you last listen to?  Hip Hop Phile by BTS.

Ever ridden in a police car?  Nopes.

Ever witnessed a murder?  Hmm, not that I can recall. I do remember having to monitor crime stories for one of my very first journalism assignments and the one time I didn’t tag along to the fieldwork with my classmates, they got to witness a stabbing incident :/ By itself of course it always sucks to have violent situations like those, but as a reporter it would’ve been interesting to see the scene and its aftermath.

Have you ever lied under oath?  I don’t think so, no. I can’t even remember the last time I was put under oath.

Have you ever failed a subject before? I’ve failed exams but never an entire class.

Have you ever had a deadly animal as a pet?  No.

Have you ever kissed someone of the same gender?  Well yeah, I dated one.

Have you ever been in a hot tub before?  Sure.

Have you ever been to a movie that sold out?  I’ve never experienced trying to buy tickets only to find out they’re all sold out, but that’s also probably because we have hundreds of malls in Manila alone and you can always find a theatre that are still offering tickets.

What movie last made you too scared to go to sleep?  I’m not usually that way with horror movies, but I do remember running into a jumpscare on TikTok while I was scrolling at 3 AM. Not fun.

When you’re on a laptop, do you hook up a mouse or use the touchpad?  Touchpad. I never use a mouse.

What’s your mom’s mom’s name?  Agnes.

Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the person you like?  I’m not interested in anyone so this shouldn’t be a problem.

Have you ever been tempted to steal?  Sure, but the urge is never so strong.

What is the main character’s name in the book you’re reading? I’m not reading anything.

Do you have a favorite local band? Who are they? Nah. I did have a Ben&Ben phase, though I haven’t revisited their music in a long time.

Who’s the last person you saw naked, aside from yourself?  I’m not sure about completely naked, probably still my ex. As for partially naked, my dad sometimes goes shirtless at home as most Filipino dads do lol.

Who’s your favorite horror monster/killer?  The most iconic for me would be that porcupine looking ass from Resident Evil 4, I believe it was meant to be for one of the boss stages or something. Anyway, it’s memorable for me just because that fucker had been impossible to defeat and I loved watching my older cousin do attempt after attempt. I don’t think he ever got to beat him and by the time he did us cousins were already adults, lol.

On a side note, we called him ‘Porcupine’ as kids since a shitload of spikes would stick out of him unpredictably during the boss stage, and I thought that nickname had been just our thing; but I’m actually surprised that that villain actually comes up when you do a simple ‘Resident Evil 4 porcupine’ search haha. I guess other people called him the same thing too.

What kind of music do you prefer to listen to when driving?  I usually put on a playlist of BTS’ rapline; I tend to enjoy high-energy songs while driving.

Would you ever own a hairless rat, cat or dog?  I don’t see why I wouldn’t when it comes to the dog. I don’t want a cat or rat. 

All the people you’ve kissed, what did their names start with?  G.

What did you and your ex fight about most?  It was about the deeper, more profound stuff. We never saw eye to eye about the future, if we were helping the other grow, etc. Someone was always scared or insecure about something that the other could never help with fixing.

Don’t you love long hugs?  Sure, I love getting hugs as long as I’m comfy around the one giving it.

And long kisses?  Mhm, they’re nice.

Have you ever purchased condoms?  Only for Angela when she had still been too shy to ask for it herself. 

Have you ever gone on vacation with your boyfriend/girlfriend?  No. We had gone out of town for daytrips, but never for a fully-decked out vacation.

Have you ever trashed your ex’s car after an argument?  I wouldn’t do anything that loud. My resentment’s a lot more reserved and subtle, definitely on the passive-aggressive side.

Would you leave a note on a car claiming responsibility if you damaged it?  If I left like a paint scratch, no. If I was somehow stupid enough to manage wrecking the car then yes.

Have you ever used someone's handicapped parking pass to get a parking spot?  Oh that’s just gross. No. I do remember unknowingly parking over a spot meant for the handicapped once just because the paint was so fucking faded. It was genuinely so hard to tell but in the end I ended up just getting out of the spot and looked for another just to be on the safe, unassholey side.

Are you embarrassed to tell people your job?  Not at all! I love telling people I work in PR and sharing the brands I work with...it’s just a bitch trying to explain what exactly it is I do on a normal day. I’m still blanking out on it now that I’m thinking about it, haha. PR’s a challenge to summarize in one or two sentences.

If you ran over an animal would you keep driving?  I honestly have no clue how I’d deal with it. Ideally I would pull over and help bring it to the side of the road, and try to ask for help from passersby as well. I’m still not sure what I should/would do next.

Where’s the best place to eat a romantic dinner?  French, Spanish, and Italian restaurants always seem to carry a pleasant, date-y atmosphere to them, so any of those cuisines should be ok. I also like quieter restaurants with warm yellow lighting, since that makes me feel at home the most. The place definitely doesn't have to be super popular; I would just want for it to serve good food.

What hobby would you get into if time and money weren’t an issue?  Flying planes.

What would be the most amazing adventure to go on?  Probably something that’s booked with thrill-seeking adventures? Like a day of wakeboarding, paragliding, skydiving, riding an ATV...I would be exhausted as fuck and sleep for the next three days, but I can’t even begin to imagine how fun it would be.

When people come to you for help, what do they usually want help with? Writing stuff. < Yeah, essentially. My friends ask me for general life advice too.

Has anybody criticized the way your significant other looked like?  Yeah. But I always defended her.

Have you written or drawn anything for somebody else?  I mean I’ve written long letters, but I haven’t made a poem or song for anyone.

Who has impressed you most with what they’ve accomplished?  These days it would probably be Arlan. He just finished his Masters in Journalism at Columbia and I couldn’t be more proud. I remember wanting to attend Columbia too, but seeing how my love of journalism turned out...I’ve long accepted the fact that that route was not meant for me, hahaha.

What is something you think everyone should do at least once in their lives?  Finish a painting, which can also serve as a callout to me lol.

What would you rate 10/10?  Seafood.

What do you hope never changes?  My relationships with my best friends.

Would you ever have sex with the last person you texted?  No, I barely have a clue who she is and she seemed decades older when she called me up this morning.

Is there anyone that you’d love to just spill your guts to?  I’m good.

Where is the person you have feelings at right now? 

Are you happy with your relationship status?  Yessssssss. I love not having to worry about another person to spend on LOL

When did you last cry? What for?  Two Saturdays ago. The one-year mark of my breakup had been coming up and an overwhelming wave of emotions just flooded me all of a sudden, I guess. There was happiness and relief from not being stuck in it anymore; feeling sorry for myself as I remembered the turmoil and deterioration I went through in the latter part the year; anger for the shit she pulled; and there was also just the general feeling of being grateful that I’m still here after everything.

Do you think you’re wasting your time on the person you love? 

When’s the next time you’ll kiss someone?  No clue. I’m not holding my breath for it and that’s okay.

Were you ever scared to death of anyone you knew? Or are you currently?  Yeah, unfortunately I’ve always been surrounded by at least one person who terrifies me.

What’s the longest you’ve been away from home by yourself?  Nothing more than a day. That’s something I have yet to try out.

Have you ever been made fun of, because of what you look like?  Athenna was relentless in her insults. I dunno why I was friends her for as long as I was.

Have you ever made fun of others, because of what they look like?  If they’re some random person on the internet with disgusting political views, then yeah; but it’s just thoughts I keep in my head and I never verbalized the bullying. But not anyone in real life. Do you think it’s cute when you’re leaving a place, and a guy says “no hug?”  If I’m friends with the person I’ll banter with them for a bit until I give in for a hug. If it was any other guy I barely know...I would be disgusted and throw them the dirtiest glare.

Do you wear short shorts (if you’re a girl)? I didn't know short shorts were specific to females. < LOL same. Anyway no, not these days. I used to but they’re not really a part of my personal style anymore.

Who are you the most uncomfortable around?  Relatives with the wrong political views.

Who has your heart?  Nobody.

Should cloning ever be allowed to happen?  I don’t see the point. No.

Are you impatient with really shy people? If it gets to the point that they seem aloof and radiate very I-could-not-care-less-about-getting-along-with-any-of-you vibes, then yeah I feel like I would get irritated pretty fast. But I was an extremely shy person once too, so I’m typically friendly with them and I would usually be That person who constantly stays next to them so they feel like they belong.

Does your house have air conditioning throughout, or do you have one that sits in your window?  It sits in the window, as with most households here.

What is the most ridiculous band name you’ve heard recently?  I haven’t encountered anything wacky recently.

Would you ever get a fashion mullet?  No.

Do you believe that Jesus lived and is returning?  No.

Do you believe in spiritual gifts?  No.

Do you believe in callings?  Not really, no.

If you were rich, would you get a professional photoshoot done?  Hell no. I get extremely sheepish in front of a camera and a thousand times worse at posing.

[tellywoodtrash]

immj2 28+29.12.20 lbs

ok we just gonna skimmmmmmmmmmmmm through these eps real quick, coz i wanna get back to reading my Bridgerton books.

28.12.20

i ship this so much, it fuckin hurtsssssss. GIVE ME THE KILLING EVE-ESQUE SAPPHIC ROMANCE I WANT, TELLYWOOD, STOP BEING SUCH FUCKING COWARDSSSSSSSSSSSSS

aaaaaaand she’s disappeared.

................... coz angre got his hands on her. angre i swear to god if you don’t unhand her and go back to just simping for your wife...........

lmao she bit him and ran away.

................ straightttttttttt into vansh’s arms.

oh shit. i ship this too????? fuck, this show is just too chock-full with ridiculously good looking people and i need them all to kiss each other’s necks.

ok, maybe not. BAAT BAAT PE YEH MANHOOS CHAAKU KYUN NIKAAL LETA HAI?!!?!? HAVE YOU NOT HEARD THAT THE PEN IS MIGHTIER THAN THE POCKET-CHAKKU?!!?!?

anyway, ahaana’s got a brain and just started screaming her head offfff for riddhima. which is what a normal person (read, anyone NOT RIDDHIMA) would do.

hein who this curly haired girl????

anyway, ahaana like i gots a secrettttt to tellll you. ABOUT VANSHHHHHHHH.

kabir a messyass bitch like me and is like ooooooooooooh ab aayega mazzaaaa.

iss sab ke beech ishani like heyyyy, this is my dress!!!!!! SIS, NO ONE CARES, WE ABOUT TO GET SOME HELLA GOOD GOSSIP. JESUS. PRIORITIES!!!

ahaana like someone wants to killllllllllllllllllll meeeeeeeeeeeeeee, and riddhima is like huh what who why they wanna kill you???? and sis, i think you know from living in this murder-house that ppl don’t particularly need a reason as such to wanna kill you. they just like homicide as a hobby.

vansh like I SHALLLLLLLLLLL PROTECT YOUUUUUUUUUU, YOU SHALL LIVE HERE. sir, i’m pretty sure it’s YOU that she’s talking about that wants to kill her.

riddhima like uhhhhhhhhh??? the fuck is going on? why you promising security to this chick who wanted to phodofy your bhaanda????

SOMEONE TELL ME WHO THAT CURLY HAIR GIRL IS, HAVE I FORGOTTEN A WHOLEASS CHARACTER OF THIS SHOW COZ I DIDN’T WATCH FOR 2 DAYS???????

anyway riddhima like WHOOOOOOOO IS SHEEEEE, YOU KNOW EACH OTHER FROM BEFORE????????? like damn, your psycho murderous ex is living in this house thanks to you, and vansh can’t even know a woman that’s not you????/

ahaana going on and on about this stupid SECRET and omg just spit it out or gtfo. i have 8 books of regency era sexy shenanigans to read, and i’m wasting time here on this nonsense.

ok. she saved his life. and did “seva” it seems. lmao the mental image i have.

“vansh, apna vaada yaad hai na? ki tum mera karz chukaaoge; keemat ya shakl jo bhi ho.” oh???????? big promise from vansh, if true.

vansh beginning to regret making such lofty vows.

(also mmmmmmm, what else dat pouty mouth do, baby???)

dadi has taken over and is like you saved my vansh‘s lifeeeeeeee, i shall make sure vansh keeps his promise, blah blah. lord WHAT IS THE POINT OF ALLLLLLL THISSSSSS?!?!?

riddhima like, why did you call me if you wanted to get in touch with him? why not just call him directly????

shaaaaaady reactions from vansh/ahaana at that. lightttttt goes out.

comes back on, and angre like fuck all this, let’s celebrate the new yearrrrrrrr. not sus at all. y’all are alllllllllllllll so fucking shady man. god, ahaana, just bust my girl ridz outta here and go to alaska and eat spaghetti together. iykyk.

and they all just started ballroom dancing as if they’re in beauty and the beast. attention span of a fucking gnat these ppl have. ek baat pe dhyaan nahi tiktiiii.

i’m here for this also. i just want all the sexy ppl to be with each other. idc who is with whom. just put any two of them together and i’m happy.

these two throwing some chabayaa hua dhamkis at each other. I DON’T CAAAAAAAAAAAAAARE UNLESS YOU SPILLING SPECIFIC DEEEEEEEEEEETS.

iske dimaag ke ghode kentucky derby mein daudne lage hain.

and hubs fullllllllllllly knows. he wanted exactly that.

she tries to ask questions and as usual, he shuts her down with ainvayi ki philosophy. MAN WHAT WILL IT FUCKING TAKE FOR YOU TO ANSWER A QUESTION STRAIGHT?????

big talk about pyaaaar and vishwaaaas and bro, i fully know what you’re doing here, you fucking bastard. bloody gaslighting her into ignoring her own instincts in the name of trusting you. like yes, she’s like extraaaa with the jasoosi, but she’s asking RELEVANT, PERTINENT QUESTIONS.

meanwhile this rakshason ki toli has got their hands on the “yes okay i’m a spy!!!!!!!!!!!!!” recording that siya had. great. wonderful. best.

they decide to wait for right moment to use it and show vansh. oh you fucking dumbasses................... he already knows. this is the problem; no one bothers to fucking communicate in this family. 

kabir trying to get the goss outta ahaana, but vansh ne mundi se ishaara kiya and angre just threw a drink on K, so he had to leave to go change.

i like her.

lol she called him a loser. never has a character been more right about all the men of this stupid show.

ahaana staring at vansh in a real strange way. oh bro, kya kaand kiya tha iske saath????? sach sach bolllllllllll.

these two seem have slid into each other’s inboxes already???? oh yeaaaaaaaaah.

ishani has come back with one V for Vendetta mask and is smirking some more about how riddhima is going down. *sigh* same old, same old. 

more ainvayi ka dancing. man, what a waste of a filler episode.

at the dinner table, riddhima finds a chit saying your life is in danger, come meet me out in the backyard. ishani and aryan and chachi making real weird faces. did they send the note or did ahaana???? either way, this not gonna end well for riddhima. as per always.

it’s got to the point where EVEN riddhima is calling out the plotholes in the damn show out loud; saying ahaana said HER life was in danger, now how the fuck is this all about MY life being in danger???

anyway the dumbass goes to investigate.

she got shoved into a car by V for Vendetta (that’s what they should call the show.) which is now filling up with smoke. wonderful.

———————————————————————

29.12.20

she’s so fucking stupid. there’s no way the car doors can be locked from the outside in such a way that they cannot be opened from the inside. peeche ke doors pe child-lock hain bhi, toh she can just climb to the front and open the front doors and jump out. honestly riddhima.

ishani trying to distract vansh from going to look for riddhima with chocolate cake.

vansh is me. cake pakda diya toh duniya ki koi parwaah nahi. it just meeeeeeeeeee and my cake, made for each other, truuueeeeeee loveee.

ALSO LMAO WHY DOES THIS DUDE EAT CAKE LIKE THIS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

riddhima still choking and struggling like a dumbass.

cake done, vansh off to look for his wife. gotta say, he’s got his priorities straight.

ishani making shady faces with Guy Fawkes mask. godddddd. who cares who cares who caresssss?

after 19023019283092130912390 moments of suspense, he finally found her and broke her outta the car.

some loving scolding for wandering off without telling him. dude’s she’s a grownass woman, not a toddler/pet.

anyway she told him someone shoved her in the car and he’s clenching his jaw most magnificently mmmmmmm that jawwww.

ab yeh kaunsi nayi musibat hai???

he’s promising to find and punish whoever and she’s thinking omg it kabir?!?!?!!!!!!!! as if noooooone else in the house wants to murder her.

she’s like you saved me again!!!!!!!! and he’s literally like stop playing khatron ke khiladi up in here every day and i won’t have to, bitch.

ishani literalllllly flaunting that mask on her arm and riddhima like OUFF YEH KHOOONI NANAD BAAZ NAHI AATI.

side mein dekha toh kabir also has one like that.

lmao everyyyyyyone has one of these masks.

R like i need to gtfo here from the presence of all these assholes, k byeeeeee.

she’s confronting ahaana ki why you call me outside and not show up yourself????

ahaana like, bitch tf you talking about? i didn’t call you or send any chit??!?!! get used to it ahaana, iss ghar mein rahogi toh yeh hourly occurance hai, aisa random chutiyaapa. tumhein toh aadat hogi hi, pichle janam mein oberois ke saath jo rahi ho.

riddhima bringing up vansh and ahaana like YOUR MAN SHADYYYYY AF. YOU SHOULDN’T TRUST HIM SO MUCH. iss ek line se hi i have gotten it ki ahaana has been planted by vansh and he’s trying to see if riddhima falls for anyone else’s hearsay again.

riddhima is giving speech about how much she trusts vansh and they’re each others’ parchhaai or some such shit, and lmaoooooooooooooo ahaana’s face......

same, sis. absolutely saaaame.

ahaana like “zindagi mein har bimaari ki dawaai hai, par galatfehmi ki nahi.” snortttttttt.

ahaana going heavy on “vansh don’t love you, he wants to killll your ass” speech and ouff....... ofc riddhima won’t listen. dumbass.

there is not ONE wrong thing ahaana is saying about vansh. not ONE. literally all of it is true. i mean, maybe he does “love” her or whatever, but kya hi karein aise bekaar roz roz life ruin karne waale pyaar ka? isse achcha toh naa hi kare pyaar.

aaaaaaaaand she got slapped for truth-telling. fuck. riddhima, you are such a fucking dumbass. where all this slappiness for your damn husband who was lying to your face for monthssssss, huh????

ugh mera pati mera ishq bhashaan. this chick deserves to be murdered. blindass.................. she’s doing the exact same shit she did with kabir, total blindddddd faith without listening to any reason. she deserves to be fucked over if she refused to learn anything from that kaand and won’t use her fucking brain even now.

honestly this sanctimonious speech she’s giving ahaana........

but for once she’s using her MAALKIN OF THE HOUSE rutba and telling to ahaana to gtfo the house.

lmao ahaana like tell vansh to throw me out, and i’ll go.

cut to......... riddhima is randomly staring at a ladder. as one does.

helllllllllllllllllllllllo. 😏😏😏

riddhima trying to tell vansh ki ahaana is off her rocker and....

well okay then! no more talking about ahaana! 🥰🥰🥰

great. all that was buttering up for the trust test he has set up for her.

climb the ladder, it seems. oh boy. i know what’s coming............

lmaooooo she climbs it and is like ok now you know that i trust you??? can i come back down now??? LOL DUMBASS HOW DID YOU NOT GUESS WHAT HE WANTED FROM THE MOMENT HE TOLD YOU TO CLIMB???????? dimaag ghutno mein hai iss ladki ki.

he’s telling her to jump. ofc. fucking asshole. tereko shauk hai random high places se chhalaang maarne ko toh you’ll make everyone do it or what?

HE’S ACTUALLY GETTING MAD AT HER HESITATION AND ALL I’LL CATCH YOU, DO YOU NOT TRUST ME?????? main hoti toh kehti ki bro, it’s not you that i don’t trust, i just know gravity as a force is more powerful than you are.

stupid stupiddddd bitch. she’s doing it also. DUDE, THIS IS A CLASSIC ABUSIVE TECHNIQUE, WHY DON’T YOU KNOW ANYTHINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG RIDDHIMAAAAA?!!?!?!? LIKE........................ THIS IS WHY PEOPLE SHOULDN’T BE ALLOWED TO GET MARRIED BEFORE THE AGE OF 30. THEIR BRAINS ARE JUST NOT GROWN ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

how self satisfied she looks. fucking dumbass.

while his face is like ‘i can’t believe the twit actually did it.’

some more talk about how she trusts him mosttttttttttttttttttttttttt in the world, while he gets horny for it. god, what a pair of boring dysfunctional fucks. i liked it better when he was vihaan and had a bondage kink.

bharosa talk bharosa talk and oh my god it’s sooooooo fucking obvious he’s planted ahaana to test her and her trust. aaj yeh toh bas level 1 tha. the chutiyaapa just gonna go up from here.

she’s like i don’t like ahaana, why does she have to stay here? he’s turning it back on her and saying if we trust each other, what does it matter if she stays here or says whatever????? which ....... is just some reallyyyyyyyyyyyyy manipulative BS.

he’s saying she has some “issues” that he’ll handle. oh lord. ahaana in danger of getting murdered by this fucker too.

riddhima giving some more vaasta of her neverending trust.........

while this asshole makes these very TRUSTWORTHY faces.

aaaaaaaaaaaaand someone watches them. as per usual. no wonder vansh made sure to go far far far far away from this house to get some nookie. idhar karte toh it would be like those olden days royal weddings, where the whole court would come and sit and watch the marriage being consummated.

[writingpuddle]

“Don’t you ever get lonely?” Nicky asked, digging in his pack for a chocolate bar. To their left, the cliff dropped away precipitously, sheer granite cliffs like sentinels at the end of the world.

Neil stared at Nicky. “No,” he said.

“What, never?”

Neil looked out across the sweeping vista of mountains before them. A speck that could have been a hawk or a raven or a sparrow spun against the sky, too small and distant to judge. He’d stood in the middle of busy cities; he’d gone to school with hundreds; he’d even tried out for a track and field team once. He’d been surrounded by people, and he had been so ferociously lonely it had been like a knife in his chest.

“No,” he said, because he didn’t know how to explain—didn’t even want to, really. He’d felt more alone back in the so-called real world than he’d ever felt in the wilderness, miles from any other person. When there was no one around, there was no one to miss.

~~~The Long-Distance Hiker AU (A Bullet Point Fic)~~~

So after Neil’s mom died he kinda of ghosted around for a while and eventually ended up in a small hiking town in California

He met a bunch of thru hikers and figured, hey, my dad probably won’t find me if I’ve fucked off into the wilderness

So he starts hiking

And pretty soon he realizes it’s the best thing he could imagine

He spends all summer in the mountains and when winter rolls around he finds a temporary job in a skiing town working in a second hand gear shop

He’s an ultralighter in the most accidental sense possible

His gear is weird and cobbled together and his shoes are held together with dental floss

He sleeps under a tarp with a down blanket and a thin foam mat and he’ll eat the same shit day in day out without even registering it while he covers frankly obscene distances every single day

It basically gives Kevin an ulcer

Kevin’s an ultralighter, but in the stuck up, rich bitch way; his gear is probably worth thousands of dollars and he’ll lecture anyone who listens about ripstop nylon and is super snobby and elitist about who is a so-called “real” thru hiker (hint: anyone who doesn’t do it his way isn’t a real thru hiker)

(don’t worry he’ll get smacked around a little by people like Dan and stop being such a little bitch about it but he grew up rich so even though it might’ve been shit living with Riko he really doesn’t always take into consideration the context of how much fucking money gear costs when he’s preaching about ultralighting)

(yes I’m taking out my dislike for pretentious rich ultralighters on him, okay, but the difference is he’ll have character growth versus the people I met are probably still being preachy and self-important to this day)

Andrew’s like the exact opposite

His pack weighs like seventy pounds and he’ll pull a six-inch knife (a gross misuse of smart gear weight management) at anyone who comments

He has a completely contained single person tent that’s big enough to sit up in and a four-inch inflatable mattress

His sleeping bag is rated to like -20 even when he’s hiking in the summer

Nicky swears he once saw him pull a full-sized chocolate cake out of his backpack three days down the trail and everyone says that’s stupid and made up but secretly think its totally true

Andrew likes to hike alone but somehow he’s never more than a day away from Aaron and Nicky and when he keeps showing up near them it gets harder and harder to pretend like he doesn’t actually care about them

Nobody says anything, obviously, but Nicky gets a little teary when he starts to notice the pattern

It was Nicky’s idea; in this universe Erik got him into hiking when he was in Germany so he got the cousins into it as a bonding exercise and then it turned out it was the best family activity they had ever found

This is several years after they graduated and they’ve scrounged together enough time and money to hike the Pacific Crest Trail

Now the upperclassmen:

So Stephanie Walker is a trail angel: one of those people who lives near a long trail and provides snacks and rides and somewhere to stay and basically helps out anyone who comes by with whatever’s going on; she’s pulled a lot of people out of frankly dangerous situations and she’s not afraid of anything the trail has to offer

So Renee finds herself and her faith while living this life of meeting new hikers every day and it’s almost inevitable that she starts to hike and find solace in the wilderness

Allison is one of those Wild types: she’s done some hiking (much to her parents’ chagrin) but she’s never done a thru trail or even much overnighting before, but she’s ready to throw herself into it and doesn’t care how dirty she gets

She totally carries a tiny spa package though

The other women are very skeptical because they take pride in being free from societies expectations and make up and shaving but they come around after Allison pulls it out one time when they’re seven days into a ten day section and gives them face masks and they all have a little pedicure pampering session (so, so needed when your feet are being beaten and bruised by hard terrain all day)

She has a lot of new, expensive gear and is super touchy about people trying to help her (because a beautiful woman absolutely gets people trying to “help” all the time and it’s infuriating and condescending) but she learns to accept help from her closest friends

She was showing off near the beginning of the trail drinking with a bunch of guys and probably got too sloshed trying to act tough (alcohol hits you waaaay harder at high elevations dude, if you’re not expecting it you can get Fucked Up really fast)

It’s Seth who realizes things are getting out of control and pulls her out before the guys can do anything shitty which is how their friendship and eventually their relationship gets started

They piss everyone off with their constant breaking up and getting back together on the trail, sometimes hiking together for days and then splitting up and going to hike with other people but they find a lot of healing out there in the woods

Seth’s mom is totally dismissive and condescending of his hiking, she thinks it’s a stupid waste of time, but she thinks everything he does is a stupid waste of time so at least when he’s out there without cell service he has an excuse to not respond to her

Now Dan

Dan’s trailer trash, right

She’s got no fucking cash but she has this dream in her head to hike the PCT and she’s going to fucking well do it

Her gear is probably most similar to Neil’s except where his is a mess of weird priorities and held together by spit and twine

Hers is meticulously planned

It’s cheap, some of it’s over forty years old, but it’s hers

It’s probably the only stuff in the world that’s actually hers

She accumulated it over about four years, hitting all the second-hand gear events, saving up every penny, packing and repacking and writing everything out in great detail until David Wymack got wind of her plans at a gear event

He’s one of those guys who hiked the PCT thirty years ago back before anyone knew what it was except instead of feeling superior about that it means he knows exactly how much impact experiencing the wilderness can have for disenfranchised people

He approaches Dan and offers to sponsor her hike

She’s resistant at first; she planned this hike, she got all the stuff together, she was going to do it without anyone’s help

But he comes back and says he just wants her to write about her experiences and publish it on his website

He’ll pay her for the work, of course

And she wavers and finally caves because this will move her plans up by about two years if she can make money while she’s hiking instead of having to hoard up enough cash to take six whole months off

Her blog posts are a huge hit

She doesn’t preach about how the mountains saved her, or get too metaphorical about hiking or anything like that

She just talks about the real, raw experience of hiking

The friendships, the trials, the triumphs

The infuriating people whose mental image of the hiking community doesn’t include poor black girls who grew up in a trailer park, who say she’s an inspiration like they actually mean something else

She talks about the days that she flies up the mountains and the days that she can barely drag herself out of her tent and the day she realizes that Allison and Renee, these women she thought could not be more different from her, are the best friends she’s ever had in the world

And she’s takes fucking amazing pictures

She’s also very determined not to have a trail romance

That’s stupid and cliché

Look that guy Matt might be hot but she’s not interested

He’s clearly working through some stuff and she’s not here to be some guys savior or whatever

So Matt then

His mom helped him get sober a couple years ago and he’s been struggling with it ever since

She got him into hiking as an outlet and a healthy hobby and he took to it like a fish to water

He’s got legs for days and he doesn’t mind carrying a heavy pack, he can hike for hours without stopping

(The fact that he’s faster than her pisses Dan off a bit, but sometimes you gotta accept that you’ve got short legs and just hike your own hike, there aren’t any prizes for speed)

He relapsed again a couple months before his hike started and he and Randy weren’t even sure if he was going to be able to do it but he’s damned well going to try

So anyway

Pretty much everyone is trying to actually hike the PCT except Neil

He drives everyone bonkers

His motivation isn’t really about the trail so much as staying out in the wilderness where there are no gangsters to murder you

So he just does whatever he wants and keeps showing up at random points

He’s technically got one of the thru hiker permits but he frequently goes off on side trails not on the PCT and ends up hiding out in the woods so rangers won’t find him

He’ll just hitchhike straight through boring sections or anywhere that you pass through too many towns where he’d rather not be remembered

He keeps coming back to the PCT but it’s more like it’s a rough guideline of where to go than an actual route he’s taking

He’s got his natural colouring back because who’s dying their hair or wearing fucking contacts on the trail?

But also

Who would ever associate a runaway mafia kid with a guy with overgrown hair and a stained t-shirt who’s sitting serenely on a mountain pass in a photo on David Wymack’s website?

Nobody

That’s right kids, Nathan doesn’t have a role in this one because he doesn’t find Neil

Maybe he gets killed in a shoot out or something and some other gangster steps up and takes over, and in the shuffle Neil’s just kinda forgotten

Maybe he finds out months later and he just stares at the computer in shock because he should have known, shouldn’t he? He should have felt it when his father died

He should have realized that he was free

That happens later though

Who fucking cares what Riko’s doing honestly

Kevin has somehow attached himself to Andrew and is driving him up the wall with advice to improve his hiking/base weight/distance/etc and he sees this guy (Neil) who regularly covers like thirty or forty miles a day (obscene!) and is like YES this guy is my people!

Except when he starts talking to Neil he realizes he’s this total weirdo who doesn’t even have a cook set he just eats cold food (a common enough thing among ultralighters, but not like this. Oh god, not like this)

Neil’s just sitting there gnawing on a pack of uncooked ramen like a fucking animal

And he’s not! Even! Hiking! Properly!

You’ll never finish the trail if you hike like this!

Neil just gives him a blank look

He’s got no interest on getting on some “verified” list of people who hiked the PCT, he just likes hiking

Andrew likes him

I mean obviously he despises him what the hell is with that janky ass setup but also he’s so unconventional and unapologetic how could Andrew not be into that?

They’re the kind of people who give wilderness rescue personnel grey hair, but for completely opposite reasons

Neil keeps running into them because even though he covers so much ground every day, his meandering route means he doesn’t actually move down the trail very fast

They’ll be like wait weren’t you like a week ahead of us and he’s like oh yeah I heard about this cool waterfall and took a sixty mile side trail to visit it and nearly ran into a momma bear with two cubs, it was awesome

And they all start to grow on him, and each other, almost accidentally

Look none of them are out there romanticizing the trail as some kind of magical place where the problems of the real world disappear and the people are somehow more pure and true or whatever

People are people and they bring their issues wherever they go

But there is a paring down

When your daily concerns are just mileage and shoes and food and weather, a lot of other stuff fades into the background

And well the truth is a lot of people are on those trails to work through stuff

And they find each other

Gradually, without even really noticing

They team up in June, groups of three or four with crampons and ice axes to get over the Sierra’s.

Neil was planning to just do side hikes and wait for the snow to melt—he isn’t so reckless he wants to go over the ice alone, but Kevin insists he join them and for the first time he hikes in a group with Kevin and the cousins all together.

It’s weird

He’s not used to people talking to him when he’s hiking and he frequently doesn’t respond and it’s not because he’s being rude he’s just so focussed on what he’s doing and what’s around him that he literally doesn’t hear them

And then

Nicky slips

It’s not his fault, they did nearly everything right (Kevin may be a pretentious ass, but he does know his shit) but sometimes shit just happens for no reason

And they’re at the edge of the ice sheet so Nicky’s just untying himself from the rope that links them together, he’s not even moving, and the snow beneath him shifts and he doesn’t even have time to scream before he’s hurtling down the snow below the trail towards the cliff at the bottom of the ice sheet

Neil doesn’t even hesitate

He dives after him, ice axe in one hand like a fucking gladiator and gets his arm wrapped around Nicky’s waist

He slams the ice axe into the snow and it drags behind them, and it looks like it’s not going to catch, and the edge is getting closer and closer—

Until the axe catches something, and Nicky and Neil lurch to a halt, clinging to each other, hanging off of Neil’s one arm and the axe.

Neil looks up and sees Andrew, Aaron and Kevin in various places on the slope above them, their axes dug in and long gouge marks in the snow beneath their heels, strung together by a ropeline that’s still attached to Neil’s waist

That rope is probably the only thing that slowed them down enough that Neil could stop them without ripping his arm clean off

It’s hardly a by-the-book rescue, and in fact it was pretty stupid, but they’re okay, they’re okay, that’s all that matters

That night they light a fire down by a lake and Nicky cries on Aaron’s shoulder and Andrew keeps clenching his fists because he’s never felt so helpless in his life and it was Neil that jumped, not him

He knows that he was at the far end of the line and he would’ve made it worse if he had, but doing nothing while Neil risked his life to save Nicky

They don’t really talk about it

But you kind of can’t help being friends after that

And even after they’re out of the high mountains and back on solid trails Neil keeps tabs on them

And Nicky befriends the others and without even meaning to they start to develop a sort of loose trail family vibe

They’re not hiking together all the time like some of the groups they meet, but they check on each other all the time and wait up in resupply villages and bond over firepits and shitty hot chocolate mixes and swap tips on how to keep the butt-chafing at bay

Neil sticks to the outskirts, mostly, but he starts to open up a little, in fits and spurts, tiny non-specific things that wouldn’t even register to most people but that this particular group knows means more than that

He’s slowing down, too, sometimes hiking entire days with people and covering half his usual distance even when there’s no cliffs or glaciers threatening him

He likes hiking with Andrew the most, though

Because neither of them are big talkers when they’re hiking and Andrew’s pack might be absurdly heavy but he’s got legs the size of tree trunks and endurance to match, so he might not be fast but he can outwalk half the people on the trail by sheer relentlessness

They both like to camp up high, near treeline (so Neil can set up his tarp) and in the places that it’s legal they’ll start a small fire and Andrew will loan Neil his pot so he can actually cook his fucking ramen for once and sometimes they’ll watch the Milky Way rise and share secrets under the open sky, not looking at each other so they don’t break the illusion, and sometimes they won’t say anything at all but it’s okay, because they’re saying nothing together.

It’s nice

It’s maybe more than nice

The summer draws to a close and Neil is starting to realize that he doesn’t want it to

He never wants the hiking season to end but this time it’s different

This summer has been perfect

And he knows deep in his bones that once they leave the trail things will change

The others have lives to return to, and Neil…

The trail is all he has

And if he’s barely hiking alone at all these days, well, who’s going to call him out on it?

The others like having him around because he stops them from getting too fixated on the Trail to see the trail

He still takes side trips but now sometimes people will come along and he’ll stand at the base of a canyon staring up at the glossy white walls and Dan will snap a photo for her blog and smile, because the PCT is just a line on a map, but the hike is all of them; together

He’s hiking with Andrew in September when a storm hits, this time vicious

Neil huddles under his tarp in resignation

Storms suck, he always gets wet, no matter how much he lowers the tarp, but he’s used to it; he just waits it out

But it’s just getting worse

Hail lashing at the tarp and pummelling the ground and maybe for once he regrets camping so high up

And Andrew has to shout to be heard but finally Neil realizes he’s offering to let Neil come into his tent

You’re going fucking freeze, just get in here

Neil goes

It’s weird

It’s instantly weird

The tent is not built for two people, so they’re both sitting cross legged with their heads ducked to not press against the roof

The storms probably not going to let up soon, Andrew says

Yeah, Neil says.

Andrew sighs

Lie down, he says, and Neil does, and Andrew lies down next to him, shoulder to shoulder

It barely works, only because neither of them are very big people

Neil’s pack is outside wrapped in his tarp and all he has is his damp down blanket but he’s not cold anymore, not with Andrew bundled up in his ridiculous sleeping bag right next to him

The storm rages for nearly two days and what passes between them in that tent, nobody knows

If they’re barely ever seen apart after it, well. You only see people so often on the trail. It could easily be a coincidence

And if Neil doesn’t even set his tarp up on rainy nights anymore, well. They never camp near other people anyway, so who’s to know?

In early October the snow blows in, blocking the route to the finish.

They drift around a resupply village for almost two weeks, waiting for the trail to reopen, but finally even Kevin accepts that it isn’t going to

After all of that, none of them are going to finish the trail

It’s a disappointment—of course it is. For most of them, the end of their trip is now a nondescript exit into a village, no fanfare, no closure; they didn’t even know they were done for days

Still, it’s not so bad

They’re all together

Allison suggests Vegas, but they all laugh it down; they wouldn’t even know how right now, bearded and hairy and ravenous as they are

They go to South Carolina instead

It’s not really even discussed that they’ll stay together, they just all go; Allison hosts them at her resort and they laugh at the incongruous weirdness of seeing each other in real clothes, and it’s different, but it’s also okay

They stay for another two weeks, and they don’t hike another fucking inch

We should try the Continental Divide Trail sometime, Dan says

Her blog is so popular now that she’s got sponsorships from more than just Wymack waiting for her

She could make a career out of hiking and blogging and doing gear reviews and it’s a dream she’d never even realized she wanted until she had it

And if she accidentally fucked up and ended up with a hot trail boyfriend? Well, nobody’s perfect

And he has a great butt

(she has photos of it on her blog, from when they jumped into a glacier lake naked back in August)

Everyone is jealous

How about that trek in Iceland? Matt suggests

Or the whats-it-called in New Zealand, Allison says

Oh, I bet there’s some good ones in Europe! Nicky says. You guys can all meet Erik!

And it’s going to be different, but it’s not going away, and Neil feels calm in a way he never has at the end of a hiking season before

Eventually everyone has to start making plans to return to their lives, and jobs, and Neil sneaks out to the back of the house to sit in crisp fall air and watch leaves spiral down out of the trees

Andrew follows him

They sit together, watching the moon rise over the hills, and when Andrew asks Neil to come home, Neil says yes

[kihyunswrath]

This was not Wonho’s decision, and that’s why I’m fighting

At first I also believed Starship when they told everyone Wonho himself called the CEO’s and managers and whoever and made it clear he had decided to leave, but now that I know how Starship has been acting afterwards, I want you all to know that with 100% certainty, resigning was not what Wonho originally asked for. He might have been the one contacting his employers first, he might have been panicking, overreacting, crying and thinking that it’s over for him, but him wanting to resign in a matter of days? Nope. That’s not what happened. Starship kicked him out, silenced him, forced him out of his dorm room and probably took some of his money.

Now think about this. Wonho knows this comeback is something they have been planning for months on end. He has been there the whole time, he knows how comebacks work. He knows those are critical times for their success. He has personally witnessed the sweat, tears and injuries all the members have suffered for this specific comeback. He was also excited about it, because he knew it was going to be good. This comeback was strong, anticipated, well prepared, expensive. The music video and all the songs were fucking good. 

Would he leave the company in two, three days and leave his members alone to finish this comeback for him? I want you to imagine him sitting in a chair inside the Starship building office, or his dorm room sofa at night, reading the Instagram posts over and over and thinking about this. In these nearest hours after all those rumors were published, he probably had already pictured everything in his head. He’s been in this industry for years, he knows how things go. He knew how Starship handles things, much better than we do. He knew that if he left now, Starship would most likely not halt the comeback plans but instead force everyone to continue. He knew his closest friend Kihyun would have to learn his parts and that everyone in the group would be absolutely devastated, depressed and also angry. He could imagine in advance how every single member would react and how those reactions would differ from one another. He probably could imagine their facial expressions, their begging words, their rage, their cries, every little detail. He knew they wouldn’t be given any rest, but that instead they would be told to practice themselves to pure exhaustion, overstraining and death, and that it was all because of him. 

He knew exactly how much money was wasted on this comeback and that if he had to leave, there was no certainty that any of that money would come back to them. He knew that if he left, Monsta X’s entire future was at risk and that for certain, their peak had now been reached and that this was it. They would never reach quite the same heights they had reached so far. All the dreams about winning in MAMA’s, being invited to American television shows, published articles in Billboard magazines and whatnot, making deals with different record labels, breaking new records? Most likely gone.

So would he do it, just because of his dark past that had been there this whole fucking time? That didn’t mysteriously come up now, but was actually widely recognized, accepted and seen as a crucial part of Wonho’s storyline, his redemption arc. People loved him because he had won all the hardships in his past, because he had promised to change and grow up as a person, because we saw how he had fought hard to debut and pay back to his mom who he thought he had failed. People loved him because he wasn’t perfect but was capable of showing his gratitude, his respect, love and admiration toward the other members and us fans. 

Sure, weed is a serious business in South Korea, but so far, there has been no proof. We still don’t know whether Wonho has actually ever used drugs or whether this is just them blackmailing him. We don’t know if he has used drugs knowingly or accidentally. We don’t know if he had been smoking weed for months or years, for a couple of days or just fucking one time. We don’t know if there was peer pressure involved. I am now hearing people say not even the allegation about him spending time in a juvenile detention center / prison is necessarily true. We only know the fact that Wonho had already been in different police investigations (later on unknowingly) and got out with clear papers. We know he has not been involved in drugs during the entire time he has been a member of Monsta X, and that many of the other stupid things he did occurred when he was not even a trainee yet, and that no matter what, he had atoned for those things already. 

He also knew Jung Da Eun and Han Seo Hee who were reporting him were not concerned old friends or people with remarkable authority and insight into his life, they were just convicted criminals who had all the reasons to lie, distort facts and attempt to ruin his life. We know that because they had already spread literal lies about other idols, and because one of them has already provably been in a fucking prison and was clearly bitter towards any one of her (according to one source I found she’s a trans man and probably would use male pronouns but since gendered pronouns are not a thing in Korean and I don’t know enough of this topic I’m just using the pronouns all the English-speaking sources are using) old friends who are more successful than she is. 

Would he really leave suspiciously in a matter of two fucking days, proving and making people suspicious that he was guilty of all these things and still had uncovered secrets, crimes and things he had miserably been covering all this time, leave his fans wondering what ever even happened, leave his dorm that had become home to him, his band members who were closer to him than his own fucking mom probably was? Would he immediately abandon everything he had been fighting tooth and nail for, for YEARS on end, just because of claims that already belonged to the past, claims that could have been settled years ago, claims that were about his private life and didn’t have anything to do with his job as an idol? 

Again, mind you, he hasn’t beaten anyone up, he hasn’t murdered anyone, he hasn’t used hard drugs, he hasn’t been in a prison as an adult, he hasn’t raped, assaulted, harassed, stalked, doxxed, bullied or fought with anyone, nor are these two dipshits even claiming that. He has not done anything at all. Not now, not during his career, and it’s extremely hard to prove that he ever did.

So would he leave on his own volition, just for fun? I don’t know, I’ll let you do the math.

Now Starship, on the other hand. Starship HAS done things that prove they were the actual perpetrator. They rapidly terminated his contract, they removed him from the dorm almost violently fast (it was less than two full days after the announcement). They forced the other boys to focus on the comeback shows, keeping them busy. They have ignored every contact, negotiation and discussion attempt done by Monbebes. They silenced both Wonho and the other members so that we aren’t even seeing Monsta X sending Wonho goodbye messages, giving us encouragement (not that they could offer us any in this situation) or telling anyone how they feel about this issue. Wonho has not said absolutely anything since the official announcement, even though if this was his making and he wasn’t even planning to come back, he would have no reason to not approach us fans and tell that it will be ok, that he will figure things out, that he wants to solve these issues once and for all and that he sees our messages. Nothing. Radio silence.

Make of that what you will, but for fuck’s sake stop talking about this issue as if the rest of us fighting for this case, fighting for Wonho and fighting for Monsta X, are somehow selfish, overreacting, ungrateful or not respecting Wonho’s decisions.

I don’t care what y’all think, this is the group I have been paying for. I have given Monsta X more money I have ever given to any other group, and believe me I have been supporting at least 50 different groups in my lifetime. I have met them four times in real life. I have a fuckton of memories from them I hold dear. I have a fuckton of knowledge about this industry and how it works, and this is not only my hobby, but also my academic field, my strength. I know Starship can be brought down, I know exactly when and what they did wrong and I am ready to take action.

If you don’t want to join us changing the world you can fuck off and go eat your cereal and sandwich, watch Simpsons and go buy lipsticks from Amazon or whatever it is that you peeps do and leave this to us.

We’re not playing and we will not be stopped. We will go to the end of the world to find this smile and put it back to his face. 

Even if it means Starship will burn in a big ass bonfire. 

[writing-whimsical-worlds]

Lab Rat

Eventual Peter Parker x Stark! Reader

Summary: English enthusiast and art-minded y/n feels like she is disappointing her father, and Peter Parker’s newfound presence in Tony’s heart does nothing to quell her fears.

A/N: This is basically a set up for a series if there is any interest. Let me know!

“I just don’t understand how you can have such a gifted brain in sciences and mathematics and yet you refuse to utilize it. Make it make sense!”

“Dad, come on. Is it so hard to believe that maybe I want to pursue my actual interests instead of doing what is expected of me? I’m a good writer and I just want to see where I can go with that.”

This whole “what is y/n’s future?” conversation has been going on for months because Tony, for some reason, thinks he can change my mind about my future endeavors. Yes, I do have over a 98% average in all of my honors and advanced placement science and math classes, but that does not mean I enjoy it. I loathe every second of them but I’ll be damned if I get a less-than-outstanding grade in ANY course. He raised a perfectionist, what can I say?

“I just need you to recognize your potential, y/n. You’re a Stark! You have so many opportunities right at you fingertips! Write as a hobby, I don’t care. But I will not allow you to waste the talent and intelligence that you clearly have,” Tony continues.

“I don’t want to. I will be miserable! And my intelligence is not being wasted; I want to pursue further education in English, maybe some foreign languages. I can and will be successful doing so.” I stand up from the kitchen bar-stool ready to leave the room. This conversation never ends until one of us gives up and leaves, so I guess I’ll be the one to call it.

“No no no, you aren’t leaving right now, y/n. This is important-”

I keep walking towards the door but he doesn’t quit.

“You know I just want what’s best for you. I’m thinking of your future!” He has to shout that last part a little since I’m already halfway down the hall.

I know it seems a little bitchy to walk away from a parent like that, but sometimes it’s necessary to stay sane in this household. And by household, I mean the Avengers compound - since nothing in my life can ever be simple. 

I slow from a fast stride to a stroll, nearing my quarters where I can finally get away from my dad and our endless bickering. I love him to death, but I need a break. 

To my dismay, I happen to pass by the last person I want to see right now, Peter Parker. He’s my dad’s newest addition around here and all I ever do is hear about it. “Peter is so smart, y/n, you should really learn from him. Peter is so great, y/n, why can’t you be more like him?” God, I have nothing against the guy, but after hearing his name come out of my fathers mouth so much, I was just about fed up.

“Hey y/n, you coming down to the lab later to help work on my suit? Your dad and I are making a ton of progress,” he says, practically buzzing with excitement. I do admit that his boyish charm is a little hard to resist. I still have no interest in his proposal, however.

“No thanks, definitely don’t want any part in that,” I roll my eyes. 

“Is everything okay? Your dad told me you you haven’t been... working as hard lately...” I can tell he’s nervous saying that, and he sure as hell should be.

“Excuse me? Just because I don’t spend my entire life in the lab doesn’t mean I’m not ‘working hard.’ I can do other things! Other valid things with my life that don’t involve astrophysics or whatever the hell he wants me to be doing.” Maybe it’s unfair to take this out on Peter, but he’s the one who brought it up.

He holds his hands up in placating surrender. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. But you really shouldn’t take this stuff for granted, y/n. You’re a Stark.”

You’re a Stark. 

Yeah, no shit. 

I ignore him and head to my room to change into workout clothes rather than the lounge wear I was planning on wearing. I’m too worked up to finish the editorial I was working on. I may not be into the science part of my legacy, but I loved my affinity for kicking ass. I could train for hours in the gym and, hopefully, my favorite sparring partner would be down there.

Luckily, he was. 

“Hey Buck.” I can tell he already knows what’s coming. My recent blowouts with my father have not been very subtle around here.

“Here to blow off some steam, y/n/n? Bet Tony never knew what hit him.”

“Actually, I’m sure he thinks he won this one,” I grimaced. “It’s like running in circles with that man.”

“No comment,” he laughs. It’s no secret that he and my father don’t really have the best relationship either. However, we don’t have to dwell on it. One thing I love about him is he doesn’t pry, and he can tell when I’m not here to talk things out. He can also tell, though, when I want to beat the shit out of something. What better than a super soldier?

Of course, this is said loosely considering I am merely a teenage girl with mediocre fighting skills. I have been getting a lot better, though, with Bucky as my teacher. He’s hard on me, but I learn a lot. 

Between hits and dodges, I huff my most recent grievances through labored breathing.

“He.... never... listens to me! I see him... with... that spider kid... and it’s like... just adopt him already!” We come to a standstill and I can tell Bucky doesn’t really know what to say to that. “I’m sorry, Buck. I just feel like if I’m such a disappointment, at least he has Peter, ya know? He already acts more like a dad to him than he ever has to me.”

It was harsh, but wasn’t entirely false. My father, while caring for me deeply, was really hard on me throughout my life. He’s always been so judgmental, and I can’t help but feel like he’s unhappy with me constantly.

Bucky gives me a look that tells me he thinks I’m being a little over dramatic. “Come on, kid. You know how important you are to him. Peter is just... a lot less stubborn,” he adds with a grin. 

I roll my eyes and punch him in the shoulder playfully. He continues, “Oh, come on. You know you don’t exactly make things easy on him. It also doesn’t help that you guys are so different. I mean, aside from the mutual bull-headedness, you guys are like day and night. Go easy on him, doll.”

He’s right, and it pisses me off. I do really care for my father and feel a little guilty about how I stormed off earlier. It’s probably due to my strenuous workout, but I felt a lot less inclined to argue and sought to make peace with my dad. I guess I’ll head over to my room to shower and get changed. After that, reluctantly, I’ll go apologize to Tony. 

-

Walking into the lab did nothing to brighten my mood as I see Peter and my dad working together amicably. It differed greatly than the way my dad and I worked together - it usually ended up with various items flung across the room as frustrations rose and I couldn’t keep my mouth shut. Hey, he raised me.

“Hey, uh. Can I talk to you, dad?”

Tony raised his head from his work, surprised to see me standing there. Mostly because he hadn’t expected me to come back and talk to him for the rest of the day, and also because he didn’t hear me walk up to him, too engrossed in whatever he was working on.

“Hey, princess.” He’s hesitant. I know he doesn’t enjoy arguing with me, and the truth is, I don’t enjoy it either. Lately, it’s just been inevitable. “Uh, I really want to get this done as soon as possible and Peter can’t make it over tomorrow, so it has to be tonight. I’ll probably be up late, too, so... maybe we can talk tomorrow?” 

I could see he really was busy, and knew for a fact that Peter had academic decathlon meetings every Wednesday afternoon, but I couldn’t help but take offense at his dismissive tone. For once, I took the high road, and he can’t even tear his eyes away from Peter’s stupid spider suit long enough to hear me out. 

It all comes back to Peter, doesn’t it? We’ll see about that...

[blueberryraindrops]

Blueberry’s Ultimate TUA Masterlist

KEY

Fics are organised alphabetically (articles e.g. ‘the’ will not count) 

mostly gen and fiego fics 

Download links are EPUB files only 

authors can feel free to send me a msg if they want their fics’ download link taken down

Links are now unavailable on PC due to a Tumblr link limit (I also had no idea this was a thing, but apparently it is?)

Regular updates can be expected as long as I remain in the fandom

Last Update: 15/10/2020

FANFICTION

☁︎ actions are worth a thousand words by achilleees { E }

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“I think it would be best if we keep up the ruse for a short while longer,” Five said. “For the sake of time-space continuity.”

“Oh, so Klaus was right before, huh?” Diego said. “The fabric of the universe unravels if my hairdresser knows we’re not boning?”

☁︎ Adventures In Childhood [Series] by just_a_sunflower_girl { G / Partially WIP }

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Five really should have guessed that something would go wrong. The universe hated him, it was an abject fact. And right now, Five hated the universe right back.

The commission turns Five into a four year old, hoping it will make him easier to kill.

☁︎ all dressed up and naked by cathect { E }

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The skirt hanging off of it is pleated and pale pink, with two white stripes near the hem— like a cheerleader might wear, Diego thinks wildly— and Five looks almost awed. Diego doesn’t want to assume anything by an expression alone, but he can’t quite help it.

Before he can stop himself, the words are tumbling out. “That would look good on you.”

Or, the one where diego fucks five while he's wearing a skirt.

☁︎ another cog in the murder machine by Ford_Ye_Fiji { T }

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Five finally gets the breakdown he deserves

☁︎ As I Want You to Hear Me by karcheri { E }

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“It’s hard to explain.”

“Try me.”

Five sighs.

“I’m trying to prove that our current timeline has branched off from it’s initial trajectory by such a large margin that it could only have been caused by the existence of unknown variables interrupting the timeline at non-linear points throughout history. I believe that we are living in...let’s call it timeline 2.0.”

“I don’t understand,” Diego says. Nutcase, he thinks. Insanely hot nutcase.

This time Five smirks at him, looking bratty and arrogant and entirely too sharp; “I know you don’t.”

Or: What I like to imagine alternate/Sparrow Academy timeline 2019 Five and Diego are up to

☁︎ Bizarre For You Is Normal For Us by pupeez4eva { G }

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“I think he’s talking to himself again,” Ashley said, leaning forward. “Okay yeah he is — oh my god, is that kid talking to the mannequin?”

Maggie shot a glance behind her. Yes, the boy was talking to the top half of a mannequin.

“I love working here,” Ashley breathed.

Wherein Klaus, Dave, Five and Dolores go on a double date, and people are confused and very concerned.

☁︎ Blink by Lady_Origami { G }

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When Five blinks, sometimes he's back in the world of ash and embers. It's hard to remember how to breathe when that happens. In which Klaus tries to play the role of supportive brother with Ben's help, and Five struggles more than he lets on.

☁︎ Blood like Lemonade by Ford_Ye_Fiji { T }

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Hunting high and low to seek revenge, Brand new moral code, got made reluctant renegade. Leaving empty souls when he avenged, Evil spirits flowed he drank the blood like lemonade.

Five's sordid past comes to light in, quite possibly, the most unpleasant way

☁︎ Bloom by jenpix { E }

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The first thing he noticed was the heat. A sudden, overwhelming heat. It started by his neck, his throat tightening, cutting off oxygen to his brain. The heat spread lower, permeating throughout his chest and abdomen, focusing and growing in his groin. Every inch of his skin was on fire. He couldn’t breathe; he couldn’t think. He needed something- anything- to relieve the ache that had abruptly settled in his bones. Lust utterly consumed him.

“Something’s wrong.” Diego concluded.

☁︎ Call Me Wild Thing by Electra_XT { E }

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“Diego’s been screwing guys who look exactly like you,” Klaus said.

“True,” Five said.

“He acts embarrassed when you encounter him with one of these lookalikes,” Klaus said.

“True,” Five said.

“You want to bang him,” Klaus said.

Five hesitated.

☁︎ Comes And Goes (In Waves) [Series] by hujwernoo { M }

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The apocalypse happens, Five arrives in the rubble, and his entire family is dead.

However, one of them has power over ghosts. And even if being dead seriously sucks sometimes, Klaus is going to be there for his brother.

☁︎ Dead Aren't Good Company, The by RosyPages { G }

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They’d been back in time for less than a month when their father forced Klaus back into the mausoleum.

But maybe this time his family can do the right thing.

☁︎ Details [Series] by VeteranKlaus { T }

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The last time Klaus saw his siblings was at Allison and Patrick's wedding. A lot had changed since then; including the not-so-accidental, irreversible loss of his sight.

There's no time to tell them that, though. Not with the return of their long-presumed-dead brother and the impending apocalypse. Plus, it doesn't matter. He's got Ben as a good seeing-eye ghost.

☁︎ Digging Up The Past by FiveUmbrellaAcademy { E / WIP }

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"You want to roleplay me being raped." Five muses, stirring his margarita. He plucks out the tiny umbrella and leaves it abandoned on the edge of the table.

Diego splutters, before glancing wildly over his shoulders.

Five and Diego are in a busy bar, and Diego had absentmindedly suggested Five looking particularly hot, especially when he's pliant, almost as if he's being -

"What the fuck? Shut up, Five." Diego hisses, eyes darting around. "Anyone can hear you."

Five says nothing.

Or: Unfortunately, the roleplay triggers a memory Five desperately wishes he'd forget.

☁︎ do androids dream of electric sheep? by the_crownless_queen { T }

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Number Four is crying, and Grace was made to care for those children.

In which Grace was created to protect the children of the Academy. Even, as it turns out, from their father.

☁︎ don't waste your time (or time will waste you) by rosewitchx { T }

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He was an old man. He is sixteen. Ben dies next week. How does he know that?

“I think I broke it,” Five stutters, and for the first time in her short life Vanya sees absolute terror in his eyes.

Or, Five travels back again. Something goes wrong.

☁︎ Dulce Periculum (Danger Is Sweet) by Anonymous { E }

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Klaus swallows heavily.

He brings up the hand that says “Goodbye” on the palm up to Five's hair and rakes his fingers through the strands. When Klaus is blessed with a high pitched whine, he knows he's done for.

or: Five wants something stronger than alcohol.

☁︎ Fighting (Pre)Determinism by chibi_tantei { T / WIP }

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They go back in time, determined to rewrite their own family history. Only problem is, only one of them looks the proper age to get near their younger selves.

Or, six months after Five stormed out, determined to time travel, he returns home. His siblings are happy to have him back, but he's acting differently...

(Or, Five goes undercover as himself. Twice the siblings should make saving the world easier, right? Yet somehow, he's only now realizing how many issues his family has to fix.)

☁︎ Five and Dave's Life Changing (Life Saving) Field Trip by neuronary { T }

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The little boy, who Dave could now see was not as little as he’d first thought, shoved a tin mug at him. “Drink this.”

Dave drank. It tasted sickly sweet and slightly citrus-y. “Who are you?”

“Five.” The boy’s scowl deepened at Dave’s confusion. “Klaus’ brother.”

Or, Five saves Dave's life to stop Klaus from moping. From Dave's perspective, a very grouchy, sleep-deprived twelve-year-old kidnaps him and he finds it much more entertaining than he should.

☁︎ Five And Diego Take Ukraine by yawarakai { G }

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It’s definitely her. She's around fifty, and striking – Diego can see where his brother gets his features. Light skin, grey eyes, hair dark and straight, slim. She’s a carbon copy of the boy standing before her.

“Da?” Five’s mother asks warily.

☁︎ Forward Trajectory by karcheri { M }

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“Ha ha,” the cop replies,” How’s your little troupe of nerds today anyways?”

His Professor groans, burying his face in the man’s neck and Nick winces. He should’ve anticipated that answer.

“That bad, huh?”

Or: Every semester students work themselves to the bone to score the highest mark on Professor Five's final project.

☁︎ Ghost Math by pinstripedJackalope { G }

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Number Five needs a new hobby now that the apocalypse is off. He decides to help Klaus--and in turn maybe he'll help himself.

☁︎ game of waiting, a by sky_blue_hightops { G }

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He was always the fastest. He always beat the others up the stairs, down the halls, through time and space. If there's one lesson he's learned, it's that there's always a finish line. A stopping place. Blood bubbles from between his fingers, and suddenly there's no air in his lungs.

Five jumps in front of a bullet. He calls it quick reflexes. Diego calls it stupidity.

☁︎ Gift-Wrapped by punk_rock_yuppie { E }

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Diego discovers Five's secret.

☁︎ god-intoxicated by chrysostomos (nantes) { E }

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Of all the things Diego expected to get dragged into this month, meeting a mythological witch, finding out Five is married, and rescuing him from his unwanted sun god husband were not on the list.

☁︎ handling myself by achilleees { E }

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Five pressed his lips together. “I advise against… touching them with your bare hands,” he said, taking the pills out of his pocket and dropping them into Diego’s gloved palm. “It would be unwise.”

In the light streaming from the Academy windows, Diego could see the sheen of sweat on his skin, trickling down his temple.

“Oh my god,” Diego said, starting to laugh.

☁︎ Happy Accidents by Starrstruck_64 { G }

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You’re making a mess, is what Diego wants to snap back. Instead he hears his mom’s voice clear as day say ‘boys will be boys’ and without thinking he’s moving on autopilot.

Diego can feel his hands clenching rhythmically at his sides before he’s moving forward to take the bowl from Klaus and ripping the apron off in one smooth motion. Discarding the bowl to the side he works on getting the strings untangled and slips the apron over his own clothes.

“Out.”

He has so much work to do. The pancake is beyond salvaging, the kitchen is a mess, and he’s fairly certain the batter is inedible.

Aka: the fic where Diego’s mothering instincts go wild

☁︎ haven't you heard of meditation? by rosesareredvioletsareblue { T }

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"Klaus, you have a piece of glass sticking out of your neck!"

Klaus felt for the glass, wincing as he found it.

"Oh yeah. Fun." It took all of Five's willpower not to throttle him.

☁︎ Hidden Variables Theory, The by siriuspiggyback { T }

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Something has disturbed the space-time continuum, and it's up to Five to figure out what it is.

With a bit of luck, and a lot of alcohol, he might even manage to do it before he snaps and murders his siblings.

☁︎ Honey and Vinegar by JayTRobot { M }

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The Handler sends Five on a mission only he can complete - to seduce a known pedophile for information. Then kill him.

Five doesn't appreciate playing the honeypot.

☁︎ I Want It (I Got It) by Electra_XT { E }

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“Oh, Christ,” Five said, starting to grin. “Diego, no. Don’t tell me you’re actually into being called—”

“Shut up,” Diego muttered.

“It’s not sexy,” Five said. “It’s cliche and corny and macho and self-aggrandizing, and I’m disappointed in you.” He waited a beat. “Daddy.”

☁︎ i'm gonna be here til i'm nothing (but bones in the ground) by iguessyouregonnamissthepantyraid { T }

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Someone definitely just punched him in the chest, right? That’s the reason for that feeling? Or that last batch of pills had something seriously off-label mixed into them. Because there’s no way. There’s no fucking way.

He squeezes his eyes shut until dots burst behind his eyelids, but when he opens them, the hallucination doesn’t go away.

“… Five?”

☁︎ I'm The Daddy? by TUA (IAMS) { G / WIP }

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Five spends fifteen years in the apocalypse and two years working for the Temps Commission before breaking his contract and time traveling back to the year 2003; just a year after he originally went missing.

According to his calculations, wiping Reginald's existence from the timeline means the apocalypse never occurs. But of course, this leaves several newly orphaned fourteen year olds in his care.

Let the family bonding and therapy ensue.

☁︎ if the sky comes falling down by synchronicities { T }

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The equations are still wrong.

In 2002, Number Seven wonders why her siblings are acting odd.

(Or, the post-finale “Vanya doesn’t remember the time travel” fic)

☁︎ If You're Different And You Know It (you're not alone) by M3zzaTh3M3z { T }

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Five was different. He’d always known. Different from most people, what with his freakish birth, powers and unconventional upbringing, all that old news. And different from his siblings. He was smarter. His powers were stronger. And he’d never picked a name. All that was old news too. But there was something else that separated him from the rest, something he didn’t know how to put a finger on, how to categorize, analyse, understand. Five didn’t like not understanding. It was probably Klaus that made him first notice something was off.

☁︎ Is the sadness everlasting? (love, I think it is) by ArmedWithMyComputer { T }

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A look into what Klaus' newly discovered ability could mean for the siblings.

Diego could feel his whole body trembling as he faced the ghosts, only able to take shallow breaths as he struggled to process the true horror of what he was seeing.

And then they started howling.

The sound pierced though his stupor and forced him to his knees instantly. It was like nothing Diego had ever experienced before, and he was consumed with the intensity and overwhelmed by a deep chilling fear. It felt as though his mind had been taken over and all he could hear was the shrieks of grief, more intense than any emotion he had ever felt.

☁︎ It Does(n't) Matter by MYSTERYstew { T }

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It’s a familiar feeling, being lifted up by Luther and tossed around like he weighs nothing (to Luther he certainly does), it was a favorite move of Luther’s as a child. Nostalgia is not what Five feels, he’s too busy flailing as Luther throws him over the railing.

or, Five fails a jump

☁︎ Jealousy Sucks by FiveUmbrellaAcademy { E / WIP }

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"God, Diego." Five rubbed his temples, sounding exasperated. "He's our brother."

"I'm your brother, too." Diego blurts out. Fuck, now he's sounding like an insecure, whiny boyfriend. Perfect.

Five just stares back at Diego, his eyebrows burrowing.

At the physical age of seventeen, Five has, in Klaus' words, grown up hot.

☁︎ Just One Minute by willowhisperer { T }

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Five holds up his end of the deal, soaked in blood. The Handler decides to toy with him a little while longer.

Maybe it's revenge, maybe she's riding the high of her shiny new position as head of the Commission.

Really, she just wants to win, once and for all.

☁︎ Kinktober Day 12 - Crossdressing by Multifangirl69 { E }

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The Umbrella Academy Kinktober Fest//Day 12

☁︎ Kitten Socks by sky_blue_hightops { G }

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Klaus's lost his favorite pair of socks (again) (Ben shut up) and finds them in an unexpected place.

☁︎ Lessons 'verse [Series] by Soulykins { T }

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Five was maybe four years old when he figured out that he was pretty much ride or die for his siblings. He was also four when he figured out that in the Umbrella Academy, you could never let Reginald Hargreeves figure out what you loved lest he use it against you. There was safety in aloof indifference, more than could be found anywhere else under their roof.

Five times Five Hargreeves protected his siblings the best ways he could, and the one time he failed.

☁︎ Lethe by shoelaces { T }

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Le·the | A river in Hades whose waters cause drinkers to forget their past.

Or: Five loses his memories instead of Vanya, and it falls to his siblings to raise a superpowered teenager in the 1960s, all whilst preserving their own new lives and preventing yet another apocalypse.

☁︎ Like an abyss by fridayyy { T }

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For the second time, Five has to (gets to?) grow up.

☁︎ Like Oxygen by sevansa { T }

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Klaus's powers may be a bit more extensive than just seeing the dead, he's not sure what to do about that.

OR

The one where Klaus's power is not ghosts, but souls and that makes a hell of a difference.

☁︎ master of my domain by achilleees { E }

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“You’re asking five 13-year-old boys not to jerk off for – it can’t be done,” Luther says. “Now that we’re older, it would be different, but back then –”

“Excuse me, I could do it,” Five says. “I could certainly outlast all of you.”

They all look at each other.

“Oh, no,” says Allison.

☁︎ Meet the Hargreeves Siblings by AmyR { G }

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Klaus is found passed out by a confused Patch and Beaman. When Diego comes to get him, refusing to divulge who the unconcious man was, things get weird. At least the first time. The second time, it was a different person. And then the third. Then the fourth.

Until finally, explanations are demanded.

☁︎ Mellow Rays of a Departing Sun [Series] by Emotionally_Detached (Yeah_Toast) { T }

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He makes it. He time travels and makes it through another apocalypse. He makes it, but his siblings don't.

His siblings don't make it, except he's in his own childhood and they're still here, alive and thirteen and he can fix things.

He will fix things

☁︎ Midmorning Coffees and Therapy Sessions by wereworm { G }

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Local woman working at coffeeshop accidentally adopts a child and gives advice with a focus on getting closer to siblings when she, herself, has a sub-optimal relationship with her sister.

Or the time Five went to get a good cup of coffee and ended up slowly befriending the barista while trying to reconnect with the siblings he hasn't seen since his childhood without the looming threat of the apocalypse anymore.

☁︎ most dangerous place in the world, the [Series] by Princess_Sarcastia { T }

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"Grace is the third model in a series created by and for Sir Reginald.  She has access to the knowledge obtained by her predecessors in their time assisting Sir Reginald in his many endeavors.

All three of them were primarily designed as protectors.  Do no harm, just as Mr. Asimov said!

But Grace is slightly different."

[priority one: protect the children]

☁︎ Need a Vacation by Electra_XT { E }

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“You ready for a relaxing weekend at the beach?” Diego said.

“Thrilled,” Five said, looking down at the map in his hands. “A relaxing weekend of hunting down a hired killer and pretending I’m dating my brother.”

☁︎ New Life, A by BirdInTheCave { T }

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Allison had convinced Ray to come back to 2019 with her and her family and after a month of being cooped up in the house with the other Hargreeves plus their own unconventional guests, Ray suggests they spend some time alone. He's still struggling to fully comprehend the new world he's stepped into but he's determined that with Allison at his side he can get used to anything. Allison can't find a reason to say no. She should have said no.

Luckily for her, Five will always be there for his family, now that he's back.

☁︎ Next time, hire a nanny by TheArchaeologist { M }

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While the rest of his family go out to Vanya’s concert for the evening, Five, still recovering from the remains of a lingering chest infection, agrees to watch Claire. He is fifty-nine, he can handle a little girl for the night.

Everything goes fine.

Until it very much doesn't.

☁︎ Not my body, not my life (But I am here) by Panonnymous_Bloom { G }

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He wasn't going to explain to Diego why exactly he was following Allison's every move with his eyes because he didn't own anybody any explanations, especially not his simpleton of a brother who seemed to think that every Alpha was going to pounce on Allison at the first sign of any heat.

Allison's decision to spend her heat in the house leads Five to a small realization - and even smaller desire - but he will kill a thousand men before admitting to it.

☁︎ Not with me by ClaraCivry (Kat_Of_Dresden) { T }

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They never asked if any of that blood was his. Five is bleeding, and he is also giving up.

AU to 2X07, with hurt Five because after all that boy has been through...

☁︎ Number Five | And The Things that Make Him Tick [Series] by Kraeyola { T }

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It's only been two weeks for him.

AKA: Five succumbs to two weeks worth of badly cared for (physical and emotional) injuries, and ends up extremely feverish.

☁︎ On My Terms by CivilBores { T }

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“I did what you asked,” he tells her. “Now, the briefcase.”

Her eyebrows raise in mock-surprise, red lips curling up her face in a sadistic smile.

“You didn’t think that was all, did you?” she asks.

AU: The Handler gives Five a slightly different deal.

☁︎ On This Day In History by telm_393 { M }

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Five had a...special relationship with the Handler during his time at the Commission, or maybe he didn’t. After the apocalypse doesn’t happen, he tries to order his memories of the last few years while also actively suppressing them. It goes badly.

His siblings are worried, and genuinely want to help. They are not unsuccessful.

☁︎ Out of My Mind by Electra_XT { E }

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“What happened?” Diego said. He looked down at himself. “Am I hurt?”

What happened? echoed a voice from the back of his head.

☁︎ Outside, For the First Time by Trees_Frogs_andPotentially_Treefrogs { G }

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Grace is torn between her programming to obey the rules set by Mr. Hargreeves, and her duty to the children, and decides that being a person is self determined.

☁︎ Partners, Parents, or None of the Above by DarkFairytale { T }

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Kenny's mom assuming that Diego and Klaus were A) a couple and B) Number Five’s parents was both bemusing and amusing at the time. But that was because it was the only time it had ever happened. Now though? Now they just can't understand why these misunderstandings keep happening.

☁︎ Raising the Bar by Electra_XT { E }

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Five looked ten years older. He was still youthful, early twenties, but he had suddenly and visibly become an adult. Diego had braced himself for… something, but not this. He was dressed heartbreakingly preppy— neatly tailored slacks, a shirt that fit him like it was made for him, and a casual blazer. Diego hadn’t known a blazer could be casual before, but the way Five wore the linen jacket made it seem genuinely effortless.

Of all the ways this new body thing could have gone, Diego didn’t expect him to be hot.

☁︎ rude awakening by Soulykins { T / WIP }

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When Five wakes up, he just knows someone is in the room with him. Of course, even he didn't except to come face to face with the Handler who he'd thought to be very very dead. And he especially didn't expect her to break into his room and watch him sleep while waiting for him to wake up.

It's very fortunate that Diego and Klaus show up to wake him up and take offense to some random lady in the same room as their very uncomfortable, very thirteen-year-old brother.

☁︎ Screaming in the Face of Communication by papayaromantic { T }

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It's not that he doesn't want to pay attention to Five, just that he seriously can't hear what the boy is saying past the wailing of the torn apart woman in front of him.

☁︎ Second First Time by venDi { E }

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Five spent his early years learning about Alpha biology -- and he knows, recognizes the sudden shift in his family's scent, that his heat has sent them all into a very, very early rut.

☁︎ Servus by Anonymous { E }

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"They had been given a chance to start over, all of them, together. At least, that’s what Five intended, when he pulled he and his siblings from imminent death...He had watched his siblings be swept back to their collective childhood, armed with the knowledge of what was to come, and how to prevent it. He, on the other hand, had ended up somewhere entirely different."

Five receives one, final business proposal from the Handler, and her methods of persuasion are far from conventional.

☁︎ Shadow Elixir, The by Phantom_Vidar { E / WIP }

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With the apocalypse averted the Hargreeves attempt to rebuild their lives and transition into something that resembles a fraction of normalcy. A year later and strange visions start appearing to Klaus, of a dark space contaminated by souls bygone and a voice who aches to be free; especially Ben's. The apocalypse has passed but now another disaster awaits— one that Diego and Five might have accidentally walked into.

Alternatively: Diego and Five have sex and coincidentally start the next stage of the end of the world.

☁︎ shaking like I shook before by Anonymous { T }

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Five tries to deal with it alone, until he learns that he doesn’t have to.

☁︎ skirts and sweaters by slightlyworriedhuman { T }

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"I don't want to be a ‘cute little schoolboy’ anymore, alright?” Five snapped. For some reason, the thought of himself as a schoolboy was enough to make his skin prickle. Was it the implication that he was younger than the rest of them, less mature despite his life?

...Yeah, it was definitely that. Absolutely.Five wants a change in wardrobe. His siblings are more than happy to help.

☁︎ small changes by calypso42 { T }

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“I need to ask you something.” He set down the large stack of books he was carrying beside him. Klaus glanced at a few of the titles - Consciousness in the Brain - Memory & the Role of the Hippocampus - Soul vs. Matter: A Comprehensive Look at the Origins of Sentience - and grimaced.

“Are you… having an existential crisis, or something? Because I am possibly the worst person you could go to for that.”

...

When Five goes to Klaus to ask him something about his powers, Klaus doesn’t think much of it. At least, until he realizes that what he thought was simple curiosity was actually deeper than that, leading to a revelation about Five himself.

☁︎ Snacktime. [Series] by HotCocoaaa { G }

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There was a wolf spider, just, chilling on the table that morning when Diego came down for breakfast. A...a really big wolf spider. Just...a real hunk of a thing.

(“You...you just….you just ate a spider.” He murmured.)

It didn't end well.

☁︎ Special punishment by Anonymous { M }

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Five was the only one with a tattoo on his rib

☁︎ sweater weather by KittenAnarchy { G }

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Number Five, a dryer, and his first blink.

☁︎ take shelter by aloneintherain { T }

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AU where the apocalypse doesn’t follow the Hargreeves to the 1960s. Without the threat of nuclear annihilation hanging over their heads, the siblings can take the time to be a family again.

Until they find out that the Handler has been blackmailing Five.

☁︎ There are Stones in my Stomach and Worms on my Plate by TheArchaeologist { M }

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If you ever need a crash diet, try the apocalypse. It is fat free, dairy free, lacking in all the vital vitamins and minerals, and totally organic.

After all, look at Five. Weeks after stopping the apocalypse and he still can’t finish a plate of food.

☁︎ there is simply nothing worse than knowing how it ends by Drhair76 { G }

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"What's this?" He said pointing a finger at the bread and peanut butter that was laid across the table top.

Five rolled his eyes and sighed heavily. "What do you think. It's a sandwich."

"Oh?" Klaus reached out a hand to brush the sleeve of his beloved hoodie. "And what's this?"

or, the one where Klaus 'loses' a hoodie, Five gets a hug and Ben is proud.

☁︎ they could care less (as long as someone'll bleed) by Ford_Ye_Fiji { M }

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Number Five is cornered once again by commission agents, but this time with his family.

Diego and Klaus learn something about their littlest-oldest brother.

☁︎ this is a bad town (for such a pretty face) by luciimariiellii { T }

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Five’s gone. (How the Hargreeves cope, and how they reunite.)

☁︎ time on my hands by achilleees { E }

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“If you orgasm, you’ll die,” Five said with a grimace.

Diego’s eyes went wide.

“Bet you wish you’d just been sterilized now,” Five said.

☁︎ Timelines 1-2.1 [Series] by dgalerab { M / Partially WIP }

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As the world ends, Five takes his siblings back into their child bodies on the day he originally left. With the knowledge of how the world ends fresh in their minds, the Hargreeves siblings do what they can to leave clues for their past selves on how to grow up a little less fucked up before returning to the present.

A present where they all have different lives they can't remember, there's a fun new apocalypse on the way, and Reginald Hargreeves remembers the day where all his children suddenly and inexplicably lost their minds and all respect for him at once a little too well.

☁︎ to unexplain the unforgivable by darkviverna { T }

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Ability to see the dead and having a temporal assassin for a brother don’t mix well.

☁︎ Too Much Too Little by 1spideyson { T }

→ Download Here

Five says nothing on the ride back, just gently presses the tips of thin fingers to his eyes and temples like his head is a new instrument he’s learning to play. Like he’s searching for the right notes.

Diego tries not to cast too many worried glances the boy’s way, but when Five crawls into Diego’s bed, shaking and grey, he can’t stop himself from speaking up.

A look at Five and Diego's relationship through a h/c lens.

☁︎ Too Old To Be So Young by KaseyBeth { T }

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Five winced loudly, pushing his head off the floor to see bright red smeared across his chest and stomach; crimson soaked into his shorts, running down his leg. His head fell back against the ground dizzyingly, and he groaned as someone touched the wound, biting his bottom lip as he tried to stay conscious. The end of life, of everything, was in three days; they didn’t have time for this, he didn’t have time for this. A bullet wound, a stupid bullet wound and all that stupid concern and worry, was just going to slow them down. There wasn’t time for mistakes, or hiccups, or rest and recovery. It was the end of the fucking world. 

☁︎ trans diego & child five [Series] by iamnotalizard { G }

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eudora and beaman are surprised to find out diego has a kid; they're more surprised when they see what their relationship is like

☁︎ traumaversary by WeWalkADifferentPath { T }

→ Download Here

It follows him like an unscratched itch. Under his skin, over his body, around his energy, like a mosquito that won’t leave him the fuck alone.

April 1st. April 1st. April 1st.

(A character study of Five, with some inevitable family feels, in honour of March 24th).

☁︎ two can be as bad as one by myeyesarenotblue { M }

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“Five, sweet little Five” Klaus says, from where he’s sitting cross-legged on the floor, next to one of the living room’s couches, instead of sitting on it like a normal person. “We love you but what the fuck”

Five growls, like he’s a dog or something. “It should correct itself”

☁︎ Uncle Five PT1 by glitched-coffee { G }

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Allison has to take care of Claire without warning the others but its all fine and dandy until Claire thinks she’s old enough to hear everything about Five. She’s seven.

☁︎ Unexpected Future, An by aseies { T / WIP }

→ Download Here

“I’m sure you’re looking forward to finding a way back to your own time as soon as possible,” Nedzu said. “I want you to know that U.A. will do everything in its power to help you achieve that goal. Time travel is a complicated equation to solve, but I’m sure if we put our heads together we’ll come up with something!”

Five raised a skeptical eyebrow. “And you’re just going to do that out of the goodness of your heart? I’m not even old enough for high school yet.”

“Well, we’re all heroes for a reason, no? What good are we if we can’t help a single child in need?” Nedzu pointed out with a pleasantly neutral smile as he sipped his tea.

OR: Instead of time traveling into the apocalypse, thirteen-year-old Five Hargreeves teleports in the middle of the USJ fight.

He gets a couple of new dads out of it.

☁︎ Vital Signs by aye_of_newt { M } 

→ Download Here

Sometimes, it's difficult for Klaus to tell if someone is alive or dead.When Five shows up, covered in blood after killing the Board, Klaus panics.

☁︎ walls kept tumbling down, the by Ingu { T }

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It started small.

There was a nagging ache in his chest, phantom pain from where the bullets had pierced his flesh, in the overwritten timeline that never will be.

(the one where rewinding time doesn't miraculously resolve mortal gunshot wounds)

☁︎ We All Deserve Second Chances (but don't repeat your mistakes) by justarandomword, wolvesandnovas { T }

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Time-travelling gave Ben a second chance at life. He's not about to let Reginald Hargreeves ruin that for him and Klaus.

(a.k.a. Reginald takes Klaus' dog tags and the aftermath.)

☁︎ we didn't choose this life, we're just (kind of) living it [Series] by noodlerdoodler { T / Partially WIP }

→ Download Here

Five couldn’t move, standing by and watching complacently, as his younger brother grabbed him roughly by the front of his sweater. It was like he was watching a play he wasn't apart of, yet that was definitely his small body being tossed over the balcony. No doubt, Luther thought that he would just jump out of the way. He'd always jumped out of the way, sometimes without even meaning to, but now visions of a world on fire flashed through his head as his body plummeted towards the ground. Seemingly, he was tumbling through the air in slow motion and absentmindedly, Five wondered if this was his life flashing before his eyes. All he saw was the desolate world he’d left behind weeks ago.

When Five hit the ground, it was with a sickening cracking noise.

“Oh my god, Luther, what have you done?”

☁︎ with two arms by karcheri { T }

→ Download Here

What it comes down to, really, is that Five had been too eager for results. Once it became clear to him that there was a connection between his powers and his energy level the obvious course of action, as he saw it, was to test this information. The hypothesis was this: higher energy levels = stronger powers and the easiest way to get more energy is to eat more. Pretty simple stuff. Too simple. 

or Five times that Five starves himself and one time that he gets called out on it.

☁︎ world of options, a by achilleees { E }

→ Download Here

“So did you ask Five about me?” Klaus asked.

“Was I supposed to do that?” Diego said.

“You are the worst fucking wingman,” Klaus said.

☁︎ year that wasn't, the by achilleees { E }

→ Download Here

Diego turned to Five. “I’ve already, uh, lived today. This has already happened.”

Everyone went still.

“Ooh, that’s a mind-fuck,” said Klaus.

☁︎ you from yesterday by questors (sieges) { T }

→ Download Here

The difference between who his siblings once were and who they are now.

☁︎ You Put Your Head In My Hands by shadowsapiens { M }

→ Download Here

“I need a favor.” Five scrambles to his feet, fluffy dark tail lashing behind him. “Don’t worry, it’s not the apocalypse.”

☁︎ You Shook Me All Night Long by Persephxneeee { M }

→ Download Here

Diego was right, Five thinking too much sometimes.

☁︎ zero to sixty by achilleees { E }

→ Download Here

“Man, have you seen me?” said Diego. “Are you really that surprised?”

Oh, Five thought.

“Seems right,” said Klaus, pleased. “Other than the turtlenecks. Very hard to take you seriously as a Dom in the turtlenecks.”

[lia-jones]

Growing Pains - Chapter Sixteen - Dummy

I finally managed to pull the zipper of my dress without tearing apart the lace on the bodice. I looked at myself in the mirror, wondering if this was the perfect attire for dinner. Cryptical as he sometimes could be, I could never exact what Victor really meant most of the time. I sighed. The dress I had picked would have to do, a short rose lace A-line dress with an illusion neckline. Dark grey high heels to match it. Not too “date night”, not too professional either.

Judging from everything we had lived, and knowing the circumstances that we were in, I wasn’t inclined to believe this was more than friendship. Perhaps Victor just wanted someone to enjoy the city with him, and I was nearby. However, I could guess a much better company would be just a phone call away. It was confusing, like most things concerning Victor. Keep it simple, Andrea, stop reading into things. It’s dinner, I thought to myself. But my heart was thumping hard, no matter what I told myself.

I had no time to wonder or ponder anymore, as I looked at the clock and it was already 6:55 pm. I had five minutes to get to the lobby, fully aware that Victor would be moody if I was late. I got my things and opened the door to leave, only to find Victor in the hallway, hand raised, prepared to knock on my door.

“Hey.” I greeted him, slightly startled. “I was just going to the lobby to meet you.”

“No need. I just got ready.” Victor seemed to be in a good mood. “Let’s go.”

We got in the car and the driver took us through the city, pulling near the Eiffel Tower. Victor got out of the car immediately, and before I got the chance to, he opened the car door for me, offering his hand to help me out. Seeing me out of the car, Victor closed the door and motioned the driver to leave.

“Shall we?” Victor offered his arm for me to take, smiling.

I smiled and took his arm, as we walked towards the Eiffel Tower. As we got closer, I realized where we were going.

“Jules Verne?” I asked.

“Yes. One of the best views in Paris, and outstanding food. I trust you’ll like it.”

The restaurant was not as refined as I predicted, but it was still very elegant, and Victor was right, the view over Paris was magnificent. We were led to a table near the window, and I felt like I was floating over the city. The waiter came to take our order, and Victor took over, asking for the tasting menu, and for the waiter to bring the wine right away.

We sat in silence for a while, as I sipped my wine and enjoyed the view.

“God, look at the moon. It’s beautiful.” I said, looking through the window “The view is amazing.”

“Breathtaking.” I heard Victor’s soft voice. I turned to him and smiled, only to see that he was staring at me. Reading me. Like he needed to memorize every detail on my face. I faced him, slightly embarrassed.

“Thank you for bringing me here. Although I don’t think I deserve the reward, I barely worked at all.”

“This is not about work, and tonight I am not your boss. We will not discuss work today.” Victor leaned slightly forward on the table. “So, tell me about yourself.”

“What’s there to know? I’m pretty ordinary.”

“I’ve seen you disarm a man in less than 30 seconds. That’s not ordinary at all.”

“Krav Maga. Obviously, an overcompensation. It just came in handy this time.” I shrugged.

“Still, although incredibly stupid, it was impressive.” Victor looked me in the eyes, hiding his smile with his glass of wine. “What other hobbies do you have? Do you play other sports?”

“Just Krav Maga and some Yoga. How about you?”

“I run, whenever I can. I also enjoy swimming, horseback riding, golf. When the weather allows it, I go rock climbing.”

“None of those are team sports. You really enjoy your solitude.” I remarked.

“I deal with enough idiots at work. I like some time for myself.”

“Yet you are here with me. You could’ve easily ditched me at the hotel.” I teased.

“You’re not an idiot.” Victor suppressed a smile.

“Oh, do I sense a compliment?” I recalled our talk at the ball.

“Just because you sometimes act like an idiot, it doesn’t mean you’re one. Besides, last time I called you an idiot I was severely reprimanded. I tend to play safe, now.” He couldn’t hide his cocky smile now. I laughed.

“To be honest, I really wanted to keep you as far as I could back then.” I made a face.

“What about now?” Victor eyed me carefully.

“You’ve shown some other layers of you. I did too. Things changed.” I walked around the question, trying not to spill the beans.

“You didn’t answer my question. How do you feel about me now?” He pressed, an expectant look on his face. For someone usually so cryptic, he was really acting forward. I decided to through caution to the wind and be just as direct.

“In all honesty, I find you hard not to love.” I stated, looking him in the eyes.

Victor’s face dropped and his eyes widened. He seemed to freeze in time for a while, if not for all the emotions I could see running behind his eyes. I could almost hear the circuits in his brain buzzing, overwhelmed with thoughts my honesty brought to light. He snapped out of it when the waiter came with our first course, clearing his throat. The dishes were served and we sat for a moment, staring at our food, the proverbial fog setting on our table.

My chest tightened with his lack of reaction. But I also felt some kind of relief. At least I knew where I was standing. And it wasn’t like I professed my undying love for him, or did something reckless like steal a kiss. I looked at Victor, who was still clearly uncomfortable and at loss for words, and cut a piece of the aspic on my plate, tasting it.

“Good.” I hummed in pleasure. “I’m not really a fan of aspic, but this is really good.”

Victor welcomed the change of subject, as he relaxed slightly, his expression becoming his usual poker face one.

“Yes, but just wait until they bring the braised salmon. It’s one of my favorite dishes here.”

“Can’t wait.” I said, smiling, trying to play it cool. “So, besides sports, what other hobbies do you have?”

“I read, listen to music, mostly classical, I cook.”

“I remember you said your mother was a pianist. Do you also play?”

“She taught me, but then I went to boarding school and my father considered it a waste of time, so I stopped.”

“It’s a shame. You have pianist fingers. I had to work extra hard, because, as my piano teacher would put it, I do not have the hands for the keys.” I said, showing him my small hands.

“You play the piano?” Victor frowned in surprise.

“Yes, since I was six. I learned the piano for 13 years, actually.”

“Thirteen years learning the piano is a very long time. You must be really good at it. What are your favorite pieces?

“Vivaldi, all four seasons. Grieg’s In The Hall of The Mountain King.” I hummed a bit of the tune and Victor nodded, recognizing it.

“Interesting choice.” Victor stated, seemingly impressed.

“Yes, I auditioned for the conservatory with that one.” I agreed. “It’s technically demanding, but it’s also very easy to visualize while playing it, it has a very natural rhythm. I like pieces that allow me to make up a story in my head while I play.”

“Why did you choose Economics instead? It seems like you had a very promising career as a musician.” Victor frowned.

“Mostly because I was tired. And you must surely know, your mother being a pianist, the kind of injuries you get when you have to practice hard on a daily basis. I had back and shoulder pain, my fingers would easily cramp with the cold… It was taking a toll on my health. I got accepted in the Conservatory, but then I also got admission to college, so I chose Economics instead.”

“Do you still play?”

“Not since I came to Loveland. I couldn’t fit the piano in my suitcase.” I joked, earning me a chuckle from Victor.

The initial awkwardness from my honest outburst seemed to fade gradually as we engaged in conversation. Victor kept asking me questions about myself, seemingly wanting to know me better and I complied, replying and asking Victor his perspective on all the subjects he brought up. Victor was incredibly sharp and knowledgeable, and the world around us seemed to fade away, and with it, time itself. When we noticed, the restaurant was almost empty.

“Shall I call the driver or do you want to walk back to the hotel, take a stroll, maybe?” Victor proposed.

“Walking would be nice. I would love to take a last look at the city.” I answered.

We walked in silence for a moment. Victor seemed to be lost in his own thoughts until he spoke again.

“What you said in the restaurant…” Victor stopped and turned to me, touching my arm. I felt self-conscious all of a sudden, avoiding his touch.

“There’s no need to make things awkward, Victor. I get it, I made you uncomfortable. I’m sorry. You don’t need to worry about me, I’m a big girl. You are not forced to feel the same way.”

Victor closed the small gap between us, holding my upper arms. I was startled by the sudden proximity, and instinctively looked down.

“Look at me, Andrea.” His voice was soft yet demanding. I didn’t comply.

He leaned his forehead against mine, forcing me to face him, but even then I couldn’t bring myself to meet his gaze. I squirmed again and he tensed his grip, as in to say I wouldn’t go anywhere.

“Look at me.” He pleaded again. “I need you to look at me. Look me in the eyes, Andrea.”

I finally mustered the courage to face him, afraid of what I would see. His expression was a calm, loving one.

“Did I ever say I didn’t feel the same way?” I didn't know what to say. “How can you not see it?” I heard his hoarse voice again.

And like it was the most natural thing in the world, he leaned in and kissed me. It was a soft kiss at first, just enough to taste the wine in his breath and feel the softness of his lips. But it didn’t take very long for me to get totally addicted to his warmth. I pressed his body harder with mine, taking his face with my hand, wanting more of him, and suddenly the fire inside him became brighter. And hungrier.

It was like something broke, something that was helping him hold his emotions back, and he lost all self-control. He was all over me, deepening the kiss with unexpected passion, one hand clasping my curls in the back of my head, the other holding my waist for dear life. I was lost in his arms. Hopelessly open and vulnerable. Gone for good.

Victor broke the kiss panting, his eyes dark, his forehead touching mine. I achingly let go, and it took me a moment to regain my senses, only to find I couldn’t possibly utter a word. I was terrified that the faintest sound from me would break the spell, keep him away from me again, and now that I had a taste, I wanted this more than anything. Victor smiled softly, still holding me in his arms.

“Dummy.” He teased. “Not everyone wears their heart on their sleeve like you do.” He softly stroked my cheek. “But I trust now I have successfully shown you my intentions.”

“You did.” I smiled back. “Now let me show you mine.”

And I kissed him again, reigniting his fire, and instantly melting with its magical warmth.

[pythosart]

A big ol 2019 end of the year update

I felt somewhat compelled to write my end of the year/decade thoughts, but a warning before you read: This one’s going to be heavy, intensely personal, and long. If you don’t feel up to reading that, it may be best to skip it. I promise I’ll go back to shutting up and posting art afterwards. I’m profoundly incapable of being concise, ever, so apologies for the length of this.

2019 was a nightmare.

Some background: In mid 2016, my mother was diagnosed with a rare form of liver cancer. She was given a few months to live. She was given weeks or months to live multiple times, for almost three years. In that time my mom was in and out of the hospital, but spent all her good days living life to the fullest, starting and finishing dream projects, and keeping all of us going despite her own situation. Even when she was bedridden, hooked up to tubes and bags and god knows what, she found time to prop up her loved ones and pursue her hobbies. She even managed to develop new hobbies and interests while otherwise imprisoned by her physical state, something I struggle to do at the best of times even in my young and relatively healthy form. If there’s anything I can make of this experience, it’s that I hope to grow into even half the woman my mother was.

I ended 2018 with my final quarter at SCAD. I spent the entire quarter terrified my mom was going to die while I was away from home. It was horrific, I barely scraped by my last few classes (bless my professors’ endless patience), and immediately left Savannah for home as soon as the quarter was up. I never had room to celebrate finishing college. Any other year it would be a huge milestone, but I barely even care.

This past May, my mother passed away, after three years of petrifying suspense. It happened in the dead middle of the night, while my best friend was visiting for a con, and it still feels like a bad dream. It’s also one of the only vivid memories I even have of this year. 

I wish I had more to say on that, but I genuinely think the drawn out suffering and fracturing of my whole world left me unable to fully unpack everything that’s happened. It’s hard to even think about for long, and at times I even half-forget she’s gone. I think of things I want to show her, or tell her, or cook with her. Just the other day I kept thinking I’d tell her how much I liked endive after she showed me how to make it. I found a historical Italian cooking channel that, every time I see it, I just think of how much she’d love it. I knew she’d love Hot Fuzz but never got to show her. Little, stupid things that shouldn’t matter, but they do. They just do.

My mother and I were close, much closer than I am with my dad. Especially towards the end of her life, we had gotten closer, and I felt like I was only just really getting to know her as an equal. I still want to share my life with her, but that chance is gone.

This holiday season has been especially rough in her absence, because not only was my mom the motivational and creative force behind a lot of holiday activities here, it’s the first everything without her. We had Thanksgiving with friends and a catered dinner, instead of spending several days cooking and polishing family silver and setting the table. I won’t be making handmade tortellini with her for Christmas like we did every year. It’s the little things like that.

We’re a tiny family, with over half of us in Italy and lacking much communication due to the language barrier. Family holidays were always small, but there’s just a huge hole how, much greater than the cold numeric value of “one fewer participant.” My mom was always a driving force and a keystone in our support networks, not to mention the main line of contact with the Italian-speaking side of the family, so now the family feels so much more scattered and isolated than ever.

My girlfriend was close to my mother too, and as she’s been living with me for years now and is practically part of the family, I think she took it just as hard as anyone. Cel saw everything I did, and dealt with many of the same uncertainties and traumatic experiences I did.

A month after I lost my mother, I lost my cat too. Galileo was twelve years old, a spry old man who yelled instead of meowed, and just a wonderful cat. I got him when I was in 7th grade, after begging my parents for years to get me a cat. It was my mom who eventually overrode my dad’s hesitations, and from then on Leo was part of the family. He went through a very sudden decline over the course of a week or two, and we learned it was cancer. Feline lymphoma, I think. I had to make the call to put him to sleep, and it ripped what was left of my heart out.

Not that it needs stating, but fuck cancer.

A few too-short months later, I cut ties with a “friend,” which despite how fucking much it hurt, was really for the best. At a certain point one simply can no longer afford to waste energy on a certain kind of person. Unfortunately I’m a persistently optimistic idiot, and it took me too long to cut my losses before deep damage was done. Done to me, my close friends, and even barely involved acquaintances this “friend” dumped on relentlessly and tried to harass into spying on me. Really, if any part of this is unforgivable, it’s that.

All this was, however, a valuable reminder that it’s no good to have any tolerance for habitually dishonest people, even if they think they’re doing it to look “nice.” Chronic liars will gaslight you whether they know it or not, and trying to navigate that in an already damaged mental state is inadvisable. It was an important lesson in picking one’s battles, albeit one learned too late. I’m still holding out hope I can find it in my heart to forgive this person, if only for my own selfish sake so I can move on. I have a lot of experience living on spite, and I don’t want to make a further habit of it.

Naturally all of the above did little to curb my already inflamed pessimism about the state of my country and the world at large, but I need not expand on that, I imagine.

I suppose it would be unfair of me to leave it all at that and only mention the negative, though admittedly positivity is hard to muster these days. A few bright spots of note:

Graduated from SCAD with my BFA in Sequential Art (technically last year, but I did the ceremonial bit this year)

Tabled at Animazement with Woods. We barely broke even, but it was a great time and I plan on doing it again in the new year.

Spent literally an entire month hanging out with my two best friends, which was amazing and exactly the kind of healing experience I needed around that time of year.

Properly did Halloween for the first time in years. I made a costume I’m proud of and we went out on the town… for like an hour, because it promptly started pouring. But fun nevertheless

Started therapy. As of writing this, I’ve only had an introductory session, but it’s a start. Should have started six months ago, but didn’t for reasons to be addressed...in therapy

Started volunteering at the local natural history museum, where I spent like half my childhood. I’ll be doing data entry in collections, but that’s still cool as hell

Got a start on figuring out what I want to do with my life. It’ll involve going back to school for science within the next five-ish years, but it’s nice to have a goal. More of a goal than I’ve ever had, in fact.

Played some extremely good video games (shout out to The Blackout Club and Control)

Made a shitload of unnecessary yet endlessly fun and good AUs with my friends and my one (1) OC

Got an iPad Pro and started learning Procreate, which has gotten me drawing more

Learned a bit of needle felting

2019 was a year of getting much closer to my two best friends, and I genuinely owe them my life at this point. I don’t know where I’d be without them. Nowhere good, certainly.

Woods and Dross kept me talking to people, kept me creating, told me when I was being unreasonable or needed to cool it, heard me out when I needed it but always kept me honest. They helped me keep some creative juices flowing when otherwise I’d have been at a frustrated loss and might have given up for good. If it seems like I’ve kept up my usual art output at all, and if you’ve enjoyed the Lou content (or not, whoops... apologies to everyone who followed me for monster content) you have both of them to thank.

Even moreso, I owe my girlfriend a great deal for being there for me through all of this while she herself was suffering similarly. She and I have had our ups and downs, and been through a lot in the five-ish years we’ve been together. We aren’t the most outspoken couple, but I think our mutual understanding and pain mitigated a lot of the damage this year has done. I don’t think I could have handled it alone.

Furthermore, I really need to thank a lot of other friends and acquaintances I’m not quite as close with, but still talk to. These people especially were willing to call me on my bullshit when necessary, or just talk to me at all, about anything. Even if these acquaintances didn’t know it at the time, there’s a good chance they were dragging me out of one of my frequent existential despair spirals.

I also, weirdly, owe a lot to helping my hen Julia recover from her dog attack. That was around the time that my mom’s health was in its final decline, when I felt the most helpless and despairing. I think having even some tiny something I could do to help was like, the only feeling of control I had in life for a bit there. Julia’s fine, by the way. Still queen of the yard, top chicken boss bitch, etc. Julia was always a kind of kindred spirit with my mom, in a way. Little but not to be underestimated, gray, big personality and commanding presence… Not to mention, she was one of the first in our flock and was always my mom’s favorite. 

It would be too much to say I have high hopes or plans of any kind for the upcoming year, but I do have a list of things I want to try and do. Some of which will involve art, and the posting thereof.

Big if on this one, but I’ve also recently started therapy (only took me half a year to work up to making a phone call after the first failed attempt took all the wind out of my sails) and I have…maybe not high hopes, but hopes, for that doing something to help. I should have started therapy two years ago, but the second best time is now, etc etc.

I have a lot of New Year’s resolutions, beyond the usual “get in shape, drink less coffee, blah blah” that I’ll try and write up a little list of separately. Most of them are art-related, so you all will be there to watch me swing and miss I PROMISED I’D TRY TO BE LESS NEGATIVE. New Year’s resolution #1: Maybe don’t make so many self-deprecating jokes.

Anyway, I don’t know how to end any wall of text, be it an OC worldbuilding screed or something serious like this, so... I guess, love yourself, cherish your friends, know when to put your own needs first and when to put your friends’ needs firster. One of the things my mom taught me in this past year or so is that relationships are what you make of them, and that it’s okay to be selfish sometimes. Be generous, be genuine, don’t be a doormat and don’t lie to people you care about, even if it seems kinder in the moment. Savor the time you have with those close to you, and spend time doing things you love. Cliché, maybe, but cliché can still be true. Happy new year, everyone. I sincerely hope it will treat us all better. 2020 may just be an imaginary change of numbers, but I like to think it really does wipe the slate in a way, and make room for all of us to do what we can to be better. Speaking of which, vote. For the love of all that is good, vote.

--

A little bullet list of New Year’s resolutions, because it’s nicer to look at

Try to get back in shape (of course) - That 30 days of strength thing was good while it lasted, despite my joints hating me

Learn some new recipes, preferably with fewer carbs, you Italian ass

Keep a physical calendar and stick with it for at least a few months

Learn at least one new skill by the middle of the year, whether it’s art-related or something else

Start writing more. Don’t have to share it, but try. Write down ideas somewhere other than Discord where they’re easy to lose

Either reopen Patreon or figure out how ko-fi works. Even if it’s for no money, just to have structure and goals.

Do Animazement again and try out some new product types

Go to SCAD career fair with a decent portfolio

Get better about spending, by whatever method works

Attend some art classes at the local collectives, doesn’t matter what

Play more video games. I swear I only played like three new things this year 

Read more classic literature and nonfiction, at least one book per month. I’ve been really enjoying Agatha Christie’s works and am about to start Guns, Germs, and Steel

Read more comics. Basically just consume more media

Do Halloween again, better this time

See friends in person more

Practice accepting whatever shitty thoughts show up and then letting them go, rather than dwelling on them