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bumofthewild · 2 days

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what are your thoughts on the stormblood characters. did you like fordola at all

i wanted to organise my thoughts (oxymoron) on the sb chars actually so this is a good opportunity to start. none of my thoughts are positive though bc i think sb's writing is really bad so when i probably start to sound aggro during this while remembering this expansion i'm sorry.... i try not to be mean when criticising things but i have very little respect for stormblood. also this is about to be extremely long like im not kidding but i figure ppl expect that by now? i hope

i can't really talk abt the stormblood chars without mentioning how much this expansion worships whiteness. and thats even after playing heavensward????? with all of the stuffy white (though beloved) elves who love their white elf history??? fantasy rpgs in general ig. and from square enix. idk why i was so shocked by sb... its a fantasy rpg from square enix....that was truly my bad...................

but fordola isn't who bothers me the most anymore at least. while i was playing sb she used to be the worst sb character to me bc i just thought she was silly and hard to take seriously. initially i was just uninterested in her personality solely being a traitorous attack dog for the empire. that's not to say i don't think sellouts are interesting--i actually think characters like that are very interesting, hence why yotsuyu is one of the more interesting chars (but not by much). it's more that i dont think a single stormblood character was doing anything interesting enough for me to really appreciate, or if they were, it went nowhere or was so poorly developed that any new thing i learned about a character felt random. i feel like anything that could have been interesting in sb was squandered constantly. a lot of them had the potential to be interesting, but were instead so bizarrely flat and almost kind of cliche that i genuinely struggle to put it into words how sb managed to achieve this. possibly bc the story was so preoccupied with repeatedly driving home the same uncomplicated ideas about war and oppression (this would require a separate post) that any sort of actual personality was more or less lost? maybe because it didn't really have a foundation it was working from to keep itself focused? i feel like a lot of time would pass with the characters making the same realisations over and over again (we have to defeat zenos...!) and then when it came time for actual developments it had to rush, thus the feeling of being random. of course, unless, the character was from othard, which the game obviously gave more of a fuck about developing as a location.

like i think fordola's really serious and unwavering personality, the fact that she would do literally ANYTHING to accomplish whatever it is she wanted, could be interesting. if there wasn't so little else going on with her. and also that unlike her fellow ala mhigans she's white. i can't stress how ridiculous it was to watch her or lyse be presented as so important/be the more relevant ala mhigans and everyone else is brown and they're just white. but it wasn't only that she was white. there was just nothing else really going on with her whenever you saw her that provided any kind of intrigue or texture to her scenes. nothing about her character ever changed. until they reveal her motivations for joining the imperials (????)

ok anyone can correct me if i'm wrong, but her goal is to free the ala mhigans from the imperials.....?????? like i'm 100% sure that's what she said. but how does upwards mobility in an imperial nation that relishes in using the word "savage" to describe your people seem even remotely like how that's going to happen? i actually could not fathom for a long while that was what she had said. like i fail to find another way to describe this aside from idiotic, and i often try not to consider things in those terms, but i really don't know how else to describe this. like. this is what i mean when i say the backstory for the characters feels so poorly constructed it genuinely feels random. nothing about her behaviour to me suggested she gave a fuck about ala mhigo. it didn't turn out to be some grand farce when she had her skulls or whoever stomping on the brown guy who they collect dues from in the middle of the road the first time she was introduced. so i just have no idea why that's what her goals are or how i'm meant to believe that's what she wants. i have no idea why she would care about ala mhigo except that her father does or something? but that explained so little to me bc it was lazily done and she definitely does not demonstrate any resolve re that memory except for the one time you see it so okay

similarly, nothing suggests to me that she's deluded enough to believe this path she's on will lead to freedom, either. she didn't seem unaware of the cruelty of the imperials. she's actually meant to seem very capable and smart considering she's established her own unit amongst the other garleans and ends up getting the apparently desirable prize of being zenos' little pogchamp but then what???? why does she think that zenos will give her what she wants?? i literally do not understand what her angle is supposed to beeeee

so i considered the angle that what she said is actually not what we're meant to believe and we're actually meant to extract from the story that she's on a revenge quest for her father against the ala mhigans, and the best way to enact that would be to join the side that's oppressing them. except how she's expressed her motives and how the game makes it clear shes carrying on her father's beliefs for a better ala mhigo doesn't really imply that this is out of revenge either? also she'd be doing the exact same thing yotsuyu is doing, which could be possible bc this expansion can't write. but i just don't think that's it. i think if she truly believes that's what will help ala mhigo like her father did i don't care about it being wrong or right and whether she learns that won't work... but then it just seems so silly.......like girl there is literally no way..................... i am stumped trying to think of what this was supposed to mean or what insights her character could possibly be providing aside from the extremely banal "everyone deserves forgiveness" argument stories about colonialism are OBSESSED with trying to make. hmm i wonder why that is, square enix japan? why cant you properly research colonialism? why is media so obsessed with sympathising with colonisers and pretending its even remotely original to keep saying "if we kill this imperialist...we're just as bad as the people who have been systematically oppressing us for decades...." well...!!

im ngl i actually forgot about fordola until u brought her up bc post-sb really seemed to be gearing her up for the aforementioned redemption arc. but then i forgot how much ala mhigo gets pushed aside to put the spotlight back on doma. bc after she helps you fight sri lakshmi (another character who they just had to make white btw despite the vira/qalyana being brown bedlah babe snake women. they worship a white god. whatever i hate my life) she just vanishes. i thought that was maybe the most interesting thing they did with her character even despite my hatred for lazy redemption arcs for colonialists and cheap backstories about dead parents, bc i liked that she wasn't forgiven and that she herself didn't seem to know what was in store for her own life anymore, but stubbornly chose to help everyone fight and was still really driven despite all her L's. and then you just never see her again. as far as i can tell anyways, and i do not want to know actually bc im still in shadowbringers.

in a parallel world where stormblood is well-written i see myself liking fordola a lot. but this is not that world and i can't keep spending my time imagining a world where sb could be good. like... she just lacked a foundation that really made any of her actions make sense to me. was i meant to feel bad her dad got stoned for selling out to garlemald? i'm not being sarcastic i genuinely dont know if thats what the game wanted. i assume it is bc this entire expansion reeks of endless humanisation for white characters, but ive said the writing is so bad as to leave me genuinely confused abt its purpose many times already.

anyways the absolute worst waste of a char to me is zenos. i haven't had such a hard time taking a character seriously in a long time, and asahi gets introduced shortly after so competition was definitely fierce. i think part of it was that he was one of the few chars id seen fanart of b4 i got to him in the game which gave me the impression he was going to be insightful or something, so maybe i had given myself expectations. but ultimately i was left with maybe the most simplistic main villain this game has produced thus far. which is a shame, bc like fordola there's aspects of his char that i found really interesting, only for them to be routinely squandered with each new cutscene. initially i thought his disinterested, calmer demeanour was interesting in comparison to the other imperial chars, like gaius, who had a lot of thoughts about/passion for what he was doing. i like characters who feel a sort of existential boredom...like a real dead inside char who discovers a sort of esoteric way to live or regains meaning thru someone else--i love that trope! wanting to forever be locked in a cycle of violence with wol. sure. why not! i like that sort of thing! i was even willing to ignore the blonde hair and blue eyes (i wasn't) like i've done this before as someone who used to devote a lot of time to dimitri fe3h. this is not new to me.

but the thing is the moment zenos started talking about the thrill of the hunt i felt something in me wither and die. that trope is not interesting! i will never find it interesting!!!!!!!! if you do i'm happy for you but not me. his nihilism could have been interesting if it wasn't manifesting itself thru the subjugation of the fantasy brown people this game invented just to subjugate like...can we be serious. even just the scale of that was so beyond moronic to me. i had such a hard time suspending my disbelief whenever he opened his mouth... that i was supposed to care about this prince who was deathly bored of it all but somehow still gave a fuck about maintaining the occupation and fetishising the struggle? it was so hard to reconcile any of what he said with his actual apparent years of behaviour. like okay, i already know whiteness is synonymous with violence and ppl are unwilling to take that seriously, but seeing that realised in the sheer scale of colonial violence zenos apparently engages in and then for him to turn around and be like grr i'm gripped by such potent ennui and this is really deep. what about this was supposed to be complex or interesting or well-thought out. i genuinely have no clue

what made it even funnier (worse) to me was that before i got to stormblood i was back at home watching my dad play two separate video games where the main villain was a white guy with the exact same motivations: everything else in life now bored them except for this very specific (and not socially constructed at all apparently!) thrill of hunting real people/framing life as some social darwinist thought experiment that definitely has to be true bc look at how many ppl ive killed and conquered? what's left for me in this life now that i'm at the very top of the very real and not invented and not racist social pyramid.........? but it's not just a me thing humans are just like violent and actually love killingand i am very smart <- like how is this not just a blatantly normalised concept in life in general. nothing about zenos having this outlook reads as crazy or interesting to me, it actually just feels monumentally simple. he was just reading from the coloniser textbook. my sis actually told me while we were talking about the game that there's a book called "the most dangerous game" where i'm assuming this trope as it exists in media probably stems from, if not just the like usual racism/unfortunate fascination with imperialism over and over and over and over again. i just...that his thoughts on the consequences of his actions, the sheer amount of conquest he's engaged in, are largely due to some fatalistic boredom that comes from just being way too strong and too powerful and elevated above the savages. like okay dude.

i think if they had just removed that shit (except idk if thats possible the colonialism is so entrenched in this expansion bc ff couldnt conceive a non-white race without oppressing them) then his character would have been a lot better......maybe..? idk all that shit he says to you before he goes shinryu mode about violence or his being self-serving wouldn't have been original but at least it'd have been a lot easier to believe as his ideology without this nonsensical pile of bodies behind it that i literally could not take seriously. his final monologue was hard to sit through bc it all felt so random. my sis also pointed out that he doesn't feel relevant to the story, especially ala mhigo's story, at all, and i genuinely agree. i feel like they must have had a lot of ideas for him separately and then shoved him into this expansion because they needed a strong villain or something to keep their already thin plot running. with other villains you can see where they get their ideas from or why they're doing what they do and how their actions might progress the story. gaius for eg is a char i find really interesting bc i thought his opinions on primals in arr which is about primals was really interesting, and his conceptions of an ideal empire as well. like he actually has a leg to stand on and compelling things to say. nidhogg is also a good enemy to me, and i dont care so much for thordan but i still think he had interestingly selfish motivations and contributed ideas to the story. maybe that's because hvw didn't wallow so much in a simplistic good vs. evil like stormblood did...like hvw isnt just war its revising centuries of propagandized history and learning to change your own beliefs and going thru a lot of interesting discomfort (to put it mildly). stormblood i thought tried to be complicated at times when for eg meffrid (one of the only chars i liked in sb btw) would occasionally argue with lyse on what's "right" for occupied ppl to be doing during their occupation, like how a lot of ala mhigans wanted to keep their head down. you can see where that idea gets used throughout sb like in namia, but it never actually gets complicated into something worth thinking about bc again the chars are constantly reachign the same realisations over and over by the end (we have to kill zenos...! ANDTHEN THEY DONT EVEN FUCKIGN KILLGHI). like the ideas don't go anywhere, which might be for the best bc in my perfect world this game would not be writing about any of this. and now meffrid is dead bc ff doesn't give af about the ala mhigans or developing their thoughts/beliefs beyond the occasional potentially interesting idea on the map dialogue. atp i just feel blessed zenos doesn't have a backstory so that his personality isn't the result of some lazily done traumatic event. well i say that but the game couldn't even keep him dead so fuck my life. who knows what's in store for me. plz dont tell me.

all the thoughts i have are negative i'm so sorry but the chars i actually liked like gosetsu just get ruined by the time post-sb gets its evil evil hands on them so this expansion is genuinely just dead to me. i used to like gosetsu a lot, and i thought the shame he carried with him for abandoning hien a long time ago was a fun addition to his character. one of my favourite tropes is when a character just wants to die...like they feel like they've emotionally exhausted themselves and don't know what to do with the end of their life. i find that kind of thing really poignant. and i'm pretty satisfied w how they wrapped up his arc, actually, with him deciding to go on a sort of pilgrimage. it was just how they got there i absolutely hated.

it just keeps going back to an inability to write. for eg, if what they wanted was to complicate gosetsu's character by demonstrating how someone extremely self-sacrificial and devoted to his country's cause could actually really want to indulge in something, they choose to do it by having him play an uncomfortable game of house with someone who's murdered an innumerable amount of their country's people. but its okay bc instead of giving that idea any meaningful thought, here's a throwaway line about how he had a granddaughter so it makes sense he's doing this, also we're going to age regress the coloniser so its okay she's basically a child now which isn't a total slap in the face for everyone involved including the player, and then we're going to play these scenes for laughs and everyone is totally fine with it and it's not lazy writing at all.

asahi too i thought was an example of just poor writing, bc why is a single almost zero-context scene of zenos saving him supposed to do anything to explain his behaviour. does that not just seem lazy? he doesn't like zenos for any other reason...? we don't see asahi's thoughts on zenos except for this one cut scene where the chars could be replaced with how meaningless it is and then from then on his suddenly passionate behaviour is just supposed to be engaging...? i personally thought he was a lot more interesting when he seemed to genuinely believe in the bullshit he was saying about the empire being gracious and forgiving and rubbing his hands obsequiously at wol and being overly flattering and just a sort of greasy spoiled bastard. but then of course this totally obvious reveal happens and he's just some "crazy" guy who just wants to be his coloniser's lapdog bc he's sooooooo strong. fascinating. post-sb felt like a bad tv drama. its like the ideas in somewhat isolation are alright but they just stopped caring

tbf to asahi i did like his moments with yotsuyu. if they weren't so steeped in like....the weirdest plot points ever (random-ass yandere behaviour and yotsuyu behaving like a child) i would have been a lot more invested in the punishment they enacted on their parents for grooming one to be an imperial officer and the other being sold off. yotsuyu's backstory is still kind of typical but i thought she was like. interesting enough. she was ok. i could believe in/enjoy their callousness a lot more readily than a certain other character ive already said too much about. i think their truly awful sibling relationship had potential. dare i repeat myself about what happens to potential in this expansion

i wish i had more to say about hien and yugiri and lyse but they kind of just...idk. they just feel kind of shallow......... i don't think they really get developed much, i mean i definitely have things to say but there's just nothing really there that inspires me to do so and this post is already way too long. maybe when i finally write like an essay on how mjuch i dont respect stormblood. i like yugiri though. her hometown is very cool but she just gets relegated to "dutiful ninja" that they use when something needs to be done that wol isnt going to do, and they don't go into much detail about what really pushed her to leave or how exactly she felt, they just kind of have her parents tell you thats what she did. i liked the part though where she was like WE NEED TO KILL ZENOS RN bc it suddenly seemed out of character almost but then well where did that go...ok. hien just feels genuinely evil to me like his vibes are so off and i could not tell you why but he's kind of just there to move the plot forward so i really don't have much to say about him. and talking about lyse would just make this post even longer and more hateful. i used to really like her too.

time for something positive...? i really liked the azim steppe when it wasn't being so randomly misogynistic. that was where i was most interested in what was going on bc it had less to do with the war, but then you bring the war to them so...*screaming*. like it's a shame to me that the xaela are still framed by a focus on war, but the dotharl's concept of rebirth and the other practices the different groups had were maybe the most interesting things to me in the entire expansion. also how gosetsu had that moment with one of the dotharl warriors who died without it being some weirdly ignorant clash of beliefs. i liked that part a lot. sadu and magnai and cirina arent developed enough for me to have much of worth to say about them rn bc like yugiri and hien they kind of just become channels for the story, but at least they have a lot of personality and there's a lot to work with. also its 2am. i'm hoping to have more ideas re the xaela when i get around to doing the sidequests in that area, which i think will help me round out their characters more. i called cirina having a thing for hien from like a mile away btw bc this game is so unserious. anyways i think there should be like a spin-off about sadu magnai and cirina and if it doesn't come to exist soon i will grow like ten extra hands and make it myself

#ffxiv #ffxiv spoilers #stormblood spoilers #post-stormblood spoilers #seriously like actual spoilers #asks #anonymous #maybe my longest reply to an ask yet #goodnight

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hiyaitssans · 11 months

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Do you have any headcanons on Carmy undergoing top surgery? That euphoria would probably be one of the happiest things he’s ever felt and definitely holds onto that memory and the feelings he felt, in comparison to the stress and anxiety he faces on a daily basis with the restaurant. Carmy just deserves to be happy :’)

OHHHH MY GOHD

okiokikkehshe

i think when he gets top surgery its when hes in new york but like ,,, maybe he hasnt been there *that* long where he loses complete contact w everyone in chicago so he just tells sugar, fak, richie, n mikey [in that order and spanned across multiple days cuz he probably feels a little bad abt 'bothering' them] w like ,,, a text or smthn n then at some point they all head out 2 new york cuz they supported him !!!! they care abt him like . sm its not funny

n i think mikey showed up 2 new york last, n didnt stay 4 that long, maybe on the day carmy was supposed 2 go under 2 talk 4 a bit n then he dipped after carmy went in 4 surgery n went low contact again [praying 2 gohd theres more scenes w mikey n y mikey was so ,,, mikey ig ?? PLEASE give us more home life carmy PLEASEEEEE HULU]

ALSOOO when carmy was explaining how top surgery works in the operating room 2 everyone n he said they have 2 keep the arms spread out [n he demonstrates by spreading his arms out] [i think thats how it works ??? CANNOT find a clear source 4 the life of me] richie says smthn along the lines of carmy getting crucified n its like . the ultimate mood lifter

i think carmy was mildly worried abt how top surgery would go, cuz he was excited !!!! obv !!!!!!!!! cuz hes gonna b flat chested and look like a guy n hed been on testosterone long enough 2 sound remotely like a guy n the new packer he got works WONDERS

but he was just worried abt drains n how hes gonna get money [sugar n uncle jimmy took care of that] [he was a lil apprehensive but gave in after some convincing from richie and fak]

i think carmy considers the day his scars healed n he could finally look at himself properly in the mirror the happiest day of his life. like absolutely NOTHING could compare 2 the rush of euphoria he felt in that dingy full sized mirror the old tenants of his apartment left behind.

obv that didnt change the fact he was severely depressed and he probably could never step back in his childhood home without some hurtful comment from his mother, but he decided that for once? he was happy. truly and irrevocably happy.

ALSO i think carmy liked cooking bcuz chef is like . the most gender neutral term so it felt nice not holding his breath 4 the occasional ma'am from some retail job he worked 2 make money on the side b4 throwing himself fully in2 cooking

hes also never been 2 a pride parade like . ever .

mostly cuz he either a) hadnt come out 2 his mom yet and i think his mom is mildly homophobic or b) was 2 busy w culinary school 2 actually go out n have a good time

at some point when he was back in chicago he decided 2 actually go 2 one w some ppl from the bear [4 catering n also cuz . hes trans . he deserves 2 celebrate] n actually had a fun time !!!! now owns a lil trans button [like the LITTLE little ones, jus 4 subtlety] a flag he got 4 free, a pair of silver studs [jus simple ones, like a flat circle], n a shirt that says eat puss. its organic [richie bought it 4 him n as much as he hates it, its also one of the most comfortable shirts hes worn 2 sleep like . ever]

OKI all the stuff i can come up w rn, enjoyyyy :D [yes i think the new bear season releasing during pride month is significant .]

#the bear #carmen berzatto #carmen carmy berzatto #sydney adamu #nathalie berzatto #natalie berzatto #PLEASE other ppl make hcs . there is proof i am not the only one out there #trans carmen berzatto

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dr111ft · 4 months

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Hi!

Some weeks ago I was biting my lips so much that it started bleeding and there was a little wound for some days. It made me thinking. Which one of your characters has ticks (thats how I should call it?), like stuff they do when they are stressed.

Thinking about it like this, sounds like just plus work, but I can imagine that in stressful days someone has something like this (like ocassionally pulling out a strand of hair or just scratching their skins). Talking about this now sounds kinda bad, but its just an idea. I just wanna hear your thoughts about it.

Sorry if this topic made you uncomfortable. Take care!

Don't worry I'm actually really happy to answer this 😅 I love talking about my characters. I am gonna put a readmore so the post isn't too long though.

Okay I'm just gonna do the main characters I usually post abt on here, hope that's cool

Scythe - Messes with the switches on his phone (ig it's a phone they have communicator things bc cyberpunk) when it's in his pocket, flicks his lighter on/off sometimes, especially when it's almost dead, rolls his tongue over the outside of his fangs/teeth (? I'm not sure how to specifically describe it) Bites his lips but less chewing on them and more dragging his fangs over his bottom lip.

Rael - Plays with his tongue piercing a lot, specifically rolling it against the back of his teeth, chews only one side of his lip because he got a piercing on the other side hoping to stop doing it completely and it failed 💀, cracks his bones a lot (not like breaking them just popping the joints in his fingers and wrists). He also bounces his leg a lot.

Iris - She's always tucking her hair behind her ear and it always falls back over her face lol, this is maybe a little gross but she plays with her cybernetic eye, like she'll move it around with her finger and then let it magnetically shift back into place in the socket. She flips pens around if she's writing something and can't focus. Crosses and uncrosses her arms a lot.

Kaspar - Chronic gum chewer, if he didn't wear a gas mask a lot of the time he'd be blowing bubbles with bubblegum. He rubs his thumb and 3rd finger against eachother a lot, and also anxiety shreds things. Like if he's nervous and holding a piece of paper it'll be gone in 5 minutes. He tends to crack his neck to the side a lot. And playing with his hoodie strings that's a big one.

Hope this helped?? These things are really fun for me to write so feel free to ask more!

#txt #askbox #first character ask (I think) wooo #cruise ctrl #scythe [ oc ]#rael [ oc ]#kaspar [ oc ]#iris [ oc ]

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zhuhongs · 1 year

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hhhhh so im on a ridiculously long ride home and just my phone so tumblr diary entry time lol. if you have my instagram this will make more sense but yk. anyways. so yesterday was the last day of the semester and i was tbh pretty normal abt it. but leading up to it i was a mess and tbh i think my stomach issues actually came more from the stress of knowing im leaving but the alcohol seemed plausible enough an explanation so i ran with it. but nah i was just. hhhh overwhelmed. bc anytime i was out with ppl it disappeared and as soon i was alone and not busy i was like. oh theres the stomach pain. LOL. but yea. so i decided my going away present to everyone would be a drawing of them plus a message bc like. i always said i liked art but never rlly showed my classmates my art so i was like. welp lets go out with a bang. and it felt good bc i really wanted to do smth like this sooner. my initial plan to make a good impression was to print stickers of my art and put my IG on it and get close to ppl that way. but i was just far too stressed and thought itd be weird. so i just. Didnt. and i regret not putting in enough effort at the beginning. but i also feel like its okay, especially given my upbringing. i needed that time to myself to figure it out, and now i really know that i can just. talk to ppl. and not be afraid. bc the ppl i got closest to were the one i swore would judge me most bc of my own preconceived notions, but i told the the parts of me i hid the most and they accepted it. and could at least sympathize and actually relate and i just. why was i so silly. why was i so mean to myself to be convinced that i was so unacceptable that no one except for those who already knew me could accept me and enjoy my presence? i was so silly. i wont do that again, but if i do, it will still be easier than doing it this time bc I'll recognize the patterns and quickly snap out of it.

in a way, i really do feel like i needed all this time alone to process myself and rlly look myself in the eye and recognize the ways ive lived that i can just stop doing now that i have the freedom to be free of my past. and part of me feels like I'm saying that as copium bc i didnt connect sooner and i possibly could have also had a better time with others and still have come to realize the same things and more through the help and company of others. but i also know that i cant live life always thinking so much. so i just need to live and let the regrets be what they are, and move forwards. but the regrets do indeed linger. like i made the decision not to stay in taiwan. bc of well A. money and B. i felt like if i had more time I'd just fucking waste it like i wasted the first 4 months. i might as well force myself into a corner and see if that would make me do things i was too scared to do otherwise. and like, it worked! i did say fuck it and rlly just let loose bc i was gonna leave but now its worked too well. and like i wish soooo bad that i had those 3 months to fully enjoy every chance working out. Part of me says that its best to leave with that hope. rather than have taken that chance and it fizzled out. the thing keeping me from extending the most was honestly knowing I'd have my birthday there. and i could not take the possibility of spending my birthday alone... i legit couldnt stomach it. in the past i used to spend every bday alone but in recent years ive had a mazing friends that actually made my bday special and i just. I'm so used to having that day be nice that i really couldnt take the possibility of it being awkward. but now i realize that it wouldn't have been like that. it couldve been wonderful. but thats okay, in another life. or maybe a few years. who knows. im considering doing smth like this again in like 2 years after I've worked a bit. i have nothing but time. but man. sometimes i just wonder yk.

and last night i had a rlly good one on one talk with my classmate and that was amazing, but i got home and checked IG like a dumbass and say another group of classmates partying til 3am and i was like.... man i should've done that. but like, logically no. i had a great night regardless and i partied with those classmates last week. ive had my fill, and i had things to do today that i needed to be coherent for. but i couldn't help but thinking what if. and i know its not so easy to kill that voice inside my head. its always gonna be there. its not just me, thats the devil of SNS like instagram. bc you see the best parts of everyone's lives at all times and feel like you're missing out but you're not. you only see a sliver of what it really was..but yea. its okay. I'm still so very young. and i just need to treasure now and take whatever chances i get to nourish the connections i have right now and put yourself out there to make new ones when the chances arise. its okay, there is not life that can be lived without saying goodbye. but damn, yesterday at the school gates two of my classmates hit me with the さよなら and that. man i felt it in that moment. theres so much i wish i couldve said in all that time we had to spend together but i just held my tongue bc i was scared. but this was really playing social interaction on hard mode, like the cultural differences, the language barrier, the introversion, the fact it was my first time on my own fr, just, there were soooo many factors working against me specifically. and fuck man, i still did it. and i am still so young, i really can do whatever i want. it feels so weird. ive only been here 6 months but in a way it feels like this is how its always been. like the fact that im going home feels so strange. like i havent been there in years, i honestly cant fully grasp that im gonna be in a place where i speak the language fluently and am fully aware and familiar with my surroundings. like, why does that feel so odd. it does, i legit dont even know how to feel besides strange. i just have a strange pit in my stomach. but its okay. it will pass as everything does. but these days will always live on inside me as everything does. even if i can't fully recall it. so i just have to keep going as always. god. life is trippy man. but yea. Yea. thats it. i think

#🐌.txt #i just dropped off my shit at my friends moms place. now im going home to shower and clean my room.#then im going to get dinner and then go clubbing with my cousin #tomorrow I'll return my room and head down to taichung. and then just vibe. process everything. explore. im really nit expecting much.#i just know i have to keep seeing as much as i can til i leave. and then. fucking... 2 days at my friends moms place. and then. thats #fucking it folks!!! ship my ass back to the US!!

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themetalvirus · 2 years

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(I might have asked this before. If I have, I’m sorry) What would Amy be like if she was also one of the Egghogs? (ALSO I LOVE YOUR AU SO MUCH AAA)

i have another ask abt this from a different person as well!!!! its a cool idea and ive also considered why she ISNT one in egghog canon (ALSO THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I APPRECIATE IT SO MUCH YOU HAVE NO IDEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

amy isn't part of the Dysfunctional Robotnik Family in egghogs because she doesn't have an inherent connection to chaos energy, so eggman couldn't find or take interest in her at a young enough age to be viable for lifelong brainwashing. even if he did, he wouldn't consider her "worth it" as a baby because she's just. some baby

PIKO PIKO HAMMER TANGENT ZONE

she DOES still have the power to summon infinite hammers, but that's a different thing that i am choosing to not look too deep into because it's funny that she can just kind of do that.

also, the piko piko hammers she creates from hammerspace are different from the one she primarily uses! she can indeed summon infinite hammers, but she can't recall them back into her hands after they've been thrown, and they poof away if they leave her touch for too long. the piko piko hammer that tails built for her has a recall mechanism and also is a permanent object in the world instead of a cartoon construct!

her infinite hammers are also more prone to breaking and are more delicate, considering their tendency to poof away. they're also MUCH weaker to silver's tactic of just. grabbing her hammer with his powers and throwing it into orbit.

PIKO PIKO HAMMER TANGENT ZONE

ANYWAY. when egghog sonic first meets amy, she's smashing badniks with her hammer; he takes her RIGHT to eggman to ask what he should do about this. eggman looks at her and seriously considers if it'd be worth it to take on another child (her strength could be an asset), but she proceeds to yell at him for destroying a village and calls him a meanie. so it wasn't meant to be

if she was taken in anyway, i think her sibling dynamic with the boys would be Extremely Funny. just because they'd constantly wrestle and smack the shit out of each other and she'd be like 10x more angry. she's already a powder keg of rage just waiting to go off so if she was as poorly adjusted as the rest of the egghogs she'd be a unique kind of fucking menace to society

she also would have been old enough when taken away to comprehend that she could have had a Non-Eggman Life and would be Extremely Bitter about this, especially because her brothers think she's crazy for being bitter about it. basically she would constantly have stress migraines and it wouldnt be a good time for anyone involved.

thats all ive got because making AUs of an AU makes me confused and kind of takes away my focus from the actual main story, but if anyone feels like taking egghog amy and running then feel free because i think itd be fucking awesome and also funny and sad. and funny

#exoticbutterstxt #the egghogs

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modernghostfare · 2 years

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@cerosin-bis asked for Krueger, Wyatt, and griggs !! trifecta of fucked up, fucked up, and normal (but spicy abt it) got a little long so its under a readmore!

kroog:

He literally killed his parents. he had a good few reasons (money/bc he could) but the main thing is he wanted them gone so he killed them

he genuinely really likes camping and being outdoors. but he also really likes to be on his phone. but the phone does not have fellow outdoorsmen he can stalk and scare. also the rivers contain free knives he can dig out sometimes

i like that he has a puppy 🥺 idk that hes really a guy that should have a dog but also he would be so happy taking it on walks. letting it scare people. having it chase people down so he can kill them.

he feels lukewarm to cool no matter the actual temperature of where he is, unless its literally freezing or the midday desert hot. he hates being hot the Most it makes him really agitated (really very bad.)

horrible sleep. horrible. he sleeps maybe four hours of the day at most. but it doesnt stress him out, it doesnt bother him he’s just too amped up most days to sleep. he doesnt wake up bc of nightmares either he just wakes up bc its time to wake up. literally “You sleep rather soundly for a murderer” thats him. he does sleep rather soundly

REALLY into getting people psychosexually obsessed w him. he loves to play games at all times constantly bc it keeps his mind active and he loves to be on Edge. he will not let people go either until they either kill him or he gets bored (very rare.)

wyatt:

wyatt is like.. casually suicidal? he doesnt want to die. but hes totally cool with it if he does, bc hes at the peak of his life rn (getting to blow things up)

horrible knees. horrible. he has like 5 different knee braces and he genuinely needs them. they ache in the cold

professional ghoster. commitment is nothing wyatt is interested in and if you catch feelings and he can tell he will straight up stop talking to you. he doesnt like relationship games

he does really really like to neg people tho. he likes fucking w people w bitchy attitudes bc they’re the easiest to agitate. he just thinks semi-angry sex is the best.

energy drink aficionado. he really likes the fruity ones but also plain energy drink flavor bc he likes to be Awake, hes another constantly on edge person. adrenaline junkie

no one can figure out why hes Like the way he is hes just built that way naturally. hes likes to fuck and fight this is literally him

griggs (applies for both og and reboot):

GRIGGS I LOVE GRIGGS 🥺🥺

my most prized griggs headcanon is he was raised by his grandparents after his mother willingly gave him up. theyre all good now but he did grow up a very mature child bc of this.

class president. football. did a lot of extracurricular activities bc hes a tryhard

single, but hes honestly happy w it. he likes his personal space his personal time. sometimes he sleeps w gaz.

hes the designated driver for demon dogs on all casual excursions. he doesnt control the music they play (raines does that) but he is the one who controls the volume (usually loud). he likes fun, older music, imo sunny by boney m. is his favorite song.

aside from being a tryhard he also really likes to be someone other marines look up to. he really likes being the center of attention but unlike SOME people (price) he genuinely tries to do some good with the limelight. he wants to be a positive, strong influence for people. if he wasnt a marine he would be a high school teacher. please griggs there is still time do not die in mw22 🙏

reboot him and og him are basically the same but i think og griggs is a little younger. him and gaz still fuck around.

#call of duty #call of duty modern warfare #mwmp #call of duty headcanons #cerosin-bis #i have images saved for a wyatt moodboard i just have to post them #ALSO HSDJFSH what a start w kreuger. He likes to kill.

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steelycunt · 2 years

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hiya! just wanted to know what course you're doing and how are you finding it/uni generally? doing the UCAS stuff now and it's just a nightmare :/ also good luck with the assignment! xxx

hello bab!! i am studying politics!! on balance, i'd say i really enjoy my course...sometimes some modules are more relevant to my interests than others but thats inevitable--i think youd be hard pressed to find any degree anywhere where you enjoy every module for 3/4 years...also with most subjects/unis generally there is a degree of freedom (especially after first year) in as much as being able to choose some of your modules and tailor the course a little more to what you enjoy so like. Dont Stress if things feel a bit dry to start with because chances are you'll get more of a say in what you study later on :-)

in general: without rambling about all the little things there are to think about, i'd say the most important thing to know abt uni at the start is that its very okay and also very normal if you do not enjoy it straight away lol. Big Uni wants everyone to contribute to the myth that theyre having the Best Time Ever from the moment you get there and that freshers week is the Best Week of your Life and that in the space of three days you'll make Friends for Life but actually...as with any change there is an adjustment period for most people before you might feel properly settled/start enjoying yourself. personally i absolutely hated freshers week. it was miserable and i was far too drunk to remember the names of anyone i met let alone. establish some sort of blood bond with them in the corner of the pub idk

GOOD LUCK with ur exams (assuming you have some coming up?) and good luck with the ucas stuff!! its tedious but it DOES end <3 if you've got any other questions feel free to shoot me another ask/msg me!!

#anon #telegram #okay DOING MY ASSIGNMENT NOW!! if im on here in the next three hours start throwing stuff at me PLEASE

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masonsystem · 2 months

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ok gushing abt the best thing ever aka case 4

was not expecting maya to get kidnapped at all... it was rly shocking to see phoenix completely lose his composure when he learned that she was kidnapped, bc this was the first time tht had ever really happened. throughout the game we had seen him act differently than usual whenever edgeworth was brought up, refusing to acknowledge him and even going as far as to snap at franziska. but to see him completely lose it and become so so panicked.. THAT WAS AWESOME!!! it was very suspenseful and unnerving in the best way like GRAGHHHHH and with some New Music too.. and it was really just emotional to see wright be so panicked and at his wit's end so many times throughout this case :( it did a really excellent job at solidifying just how much maya and phoenix mean to one another..🥲 and i was really touched by maya's (and pearl's!) unwavering faith that phoenix would save her 😭

phoenix's outburst at edgeworth was so surprising to me!!! i had absolutely no idea what edgeworth's return wouldve been like and how phoenix would react to him, but i was definitely not expecting FOR HIM TO SAY HE WISHED HE WAS DEAD LIKE BRO!!!!! but it does make sense for him to react this way, hes so fucking stressed abt maya its crazy, and edgeworth just returns smug af and speaking in riddles 💢 wright's reaction also gets further explained much later where its shown that in his grief and anger, he dealt with this loss by rationalizing that edgeworth had ran away bc phoenix dented his perfect record, and thats why he says it wouldve been better for edgeworth to have stayed dead; bc to cope, he had to characterize edgeworth as a coward. and 1.) i think its so interesting that we dont understand this until near the end, meaning we as players are left clueless abt phoenix's emotional state and 2.) THIS GIVES HIM SO MUCH DEPTH and further shows us how phoenix deals with loss, my personal interpretation w the info i have is that i think this motherfucker can barely deal with loss at all, and he had to believe that edgeworth was a coward who ran away rather than a victim of suicide or something, otherwise he wouldve lost it completely. but its open-ended enough tht it can be interpreted in a variety of ways WHICH IS AWESOME!!!! WOW!!!!!! The gradual unravelling of his emotional state is just SOOO FUCKING GOOD WHWHAHHS

speaking of edgeworth, bc he made an appearance so early in the case (i wasnt expecting him to be here day 1), i had wondered what role he would be fulfill, since we already have our prosecutor franziska.... AND THEN SHE GOT SHOT?!?!? AND EDGEWORTH IS OUR PROSECUTOR AGAIN?!?!? the stakes increased like fucking crazy.... both trial days were so good, 2nd one is my fave for reasons ill state later but this first one was still good too, bc i truly wasnt sure whether my client was guilty or not.. usually theres a more likelier culprit or the game just straight up shows the actual killer, but this time around it was so woahh cuz like andrews was very obviously lying which conveniently frames her as the killer, but then like maya got kidnapped and why would she be kidnapped if engarde is innocent.. also the fact that we needed to wrap this trial up in One Day was STRESS and then towards the end suddenly WHAT andrews is saying she isnt guilty?!?! randomly accusing people of murder is actually.. a bad thing to do?!?!? (<- sarcasm ive been criticizing phoenix for this this entire time) but yeah i was legitimately blindsided by the fact tht andrews was saying she wasnt guilty, it rly was a wake-up call for me and mr. wright cuz in every past case, unraveling inconsistencies brought us to the truth, and here we did that again, but in the panic to free maya, we didnt make our assumptions as airtight as it possibly could be and we basically almost fucking... punished an innocent person which is. insane. more on this (wright's manner of defense getting criticized) later..

also i was worried that id have to use andrews' mental illness against her to save maya which wouldve been a terrible terrible thing to do. luckily edgeworth is way edgier than i ever thought he could be and like a goddamn bastard he revealed her illness to everyone so i didnt have to. and yes towards the end that helps everyone including andrews, but at the time that was fucking FUCKEDDD up of him. my god. another note abt edgeworth, my memory is imperfect so maybe this isnt true at all, but in this trial it really did feel like edgeworth had changed a lot. like he actually gave wright multiple turns to speak, didnt rush the verdict, and when he saw wright's panic, he actually helped to prolong the trial..... like omg. hes no longer a von karma!!! THAT IS EPIC!!! but yes first trial day was crazily amazing, and when it ended with a new sprite of phoenix with his head in his hands that was really :((((( like that actually surprised tf out of me and made me so sad......

ok time to talk abt narumitsu. in this universe where every character behaves so over the top, more reigned-in and subtle emotional reactions tend to be much more striking and its bc of this reason that i find the interactions between wright and edgeworth to be soo compelling.. like its hard to explain cuz these guys do have their dramatic af moments, what with the way they are in court + faking suicide + phoenix's outburst, but their interactions are still grounded in a degree of subtlety, they dont have emotionally charged shouting matches or weep openly or whatever, and when they do lose composure, theres a gradual build-up to it. what im basically saying is that im a huge fan of the restraint in their relationship, i think it makes for an extremely interesting and enticing dynamic and their interactions in this last case was just so so good bc of this, phoenix is clearly still angry yet edgeworth is clearly trying to help him, and even tho hes still pissed wright accepts his help bc they are adults who have a job to do and its only towards the very end do they properly air out their feelings like Yesssss i love this. also!! i really liked how their roles have swapped around in this game, in the first game phoenix was saving edgeworth; he helped him realize the errors of his ways and later defended him when edgeworth was on trial, and now in this game edgeworth is returning the favor, and is making phoenix realize the error of HIS ways and is helping him to save maya... like that is GROWTH!!! and of course the way their rejection towards one another has swapped too, first game had edgeworth rejecting us and putting us down cuz we're rookies, and this time around wright is the one rejecting edgeworth cuz he thinks hes still a petty perfection-driven lawyer. but they still manage to bypass these presumptions and save one another. it came back full circle in such a great way that im like so satisfied with it to a point tht im curious if edgeworth will even do anything in the next game bc like is there anything more to be said and done??

moving on, 2nd trial is easily my favorite trial so far bc of how its such a subversion of everything ive came to expect from these trials, mia's wisdom of believing in your client no longer holds steadfast but i cant just out my client cuz 1.) i am a goddamn defense attorney and 2.) maya's life is being held ransom. and also like we have to prolong this trial for as long as possible so the cops can search for maya but we also cant just throw shit around and get penalties, we have to defend our client who we know is guilty but we cant defend him TOO well or andrews is going to the fucking gallows, god andrews... when i accused her AGAIN i prayed that she would beat the fuck out of me and edgeworth after the trial bc this poor innocent woman.. we have been putting her thru hell. and also like god wright's and edgeworth's roles has essentially been swapped around w the way i have to accuse an innocent person and edgeworth has to be the one to protect her like its CRAZY!!!! its mind games on mind games on mind games and everything is topsy turvy and so intense and still manages to be funny with phoenix throwing the phone across the goddamn courtroom but also sad with him breaking down towards the end and the TENSION with waiting for gumshoe to arrive with the evidence and FRANZISKA VON KARMA SAVING THE DAY like this last case was a such masterclass in pacing, every fucking beat just hit so precisely it was SUCH a good experience... WOAHHHH!!!

and ofc ive mentioned this already but seriously this case touched on everything i had wanted this series to touch on its like it read my mind or something hello....

like theres almost nothing i need to add on bc this case practically spelled everything out omg. throughout these past 2 games ive been giving phoenix shit for just randomly accusing witnesses of being perpetrators, and like i get it this is what phoenix has to do, bc he lives in a world where the justice system is so fucked up that people get accused w the filmiest of evidence and phoenix really does need to find the actual perpetrator to free his client, i get it. but in doing so we run the risk of accusing another innocent person of something they didnt do, bc a lot of the time we're accusing these people without decisive evidence. and thats what nearly happened in this case with ms andrews, she was innocent but we almost damned her for something she didnt do, which is greatly ironic considering that a large reason why phoenix became a lawyer was bc he was saved from a false conviction (a class trial, but still).

and the reason phoenix does this (this = somewhat baselessly accusing others of being guilty), is bc of what mia had taught him: to believe in your client. because our client is innocent, another party must be guilty. this is how we've handled every case so far. so during this engarde case, where we learn that our client actually is guilty, and phoenix starts to lose his mind… edgeworth tells wright his most vital lesson yet: that they are not heroes, they are lawyers.

brief mini tangent b4 i circle back to this idea of being a lawyer rather than a hero: while i was wrapping up that miserable experience of a third case, i was wondering to myself what the overarching message of this game would be. the only thing thts really been tying these past three cases together have been edgeworth's disappearance, compared to the first game which hinted at narumitsu's shared backstory + dl-6 which it then had its climax with. so obviously edgeworth will play a big role in this last case… but then what? what is he going to do? what message will he deliver? i didnt have a clue, and then the final case rolled in and the overarching message it delivered was this: being a lawyer isnt about saving people, nor is it about being a hero. this is why mia's belief of 'believing in your client' falls short, bc simply 'saving' someone bc u believe in their innocence isnt enough. otherwise, this would mean that those that we believe are guilty arent deserving of a defense, which is why wright was so conflicted upon learning of his client's crime. but this isnt what being a lawyer is about, instead its as edgeworth had said;

what it means to be a lawyer is to defend/prosecute to the best of your ability, regardless of your whether you believe the defendant is guilty or not. it means to have faith in the opposing party, and that if your claim is a false one, said opposing party will expose the faults in your claim. and as to whether the defendant is truly guilty or not, that can only be decided once both prosecution and defense have unveiled the truth together. this is what it means to have a fair trial, what it means to be a lawyer: it is about having faith in the ability of the opposing party, it's about being able to trust others. this is what edgeworth had learned in the year tht he's been gone, and is now here to teach to phoenix.

in this last case, wright finally learns what it fucking means to be a goddamn lawyer, what it really means to be a defense attorney. wright is able to defend engarde, despite knowing that he is guilty, bc he has faith in edgeworth's prosecuting abilities. it is thru their trust in one another that they were able to prolong the trial long enough for franziska to arrive with decisive evidence. as a lawyer, wright must be capable of defending even those who he believe may be criminals, bc a proper defense, fair trials, and justice, isnt something that can just be cherry-picked and handed out to select individuals. true justice is something that everyone deserves. justice… is.. for all…

JUSTICE FOR ALL!!!!!

this, of course, can only happen in a fair and just world, where neither defense or prosecution is corrupt with say, forged evidence and fabricated testimonies or whatever, and an unbiased judge. this world is clearly not ace attorney's world, nor is it our non-fictional world. but i still find it so remarkable that in this fictional world where the judicial system has been perverted nearly beyond recognition, these characters were still able to deliver this semblance of truth, and illustrate the purpose, function, and importance of a fair trial. i really do love it when stories use exaggerated and absurd environments to convey messages which are deeply relevant to our own world. and i find it especially neat how in the first game, it was the prosecutors who were being scrutinized; von karma's and lana skye's fabrications being brought to light, with edgeworth closely trailing behind the footsteps of these two. but this time around its the defense being scrutinized, with both phoenix's and mia's unwillingness to properly defend engarde coming back to bite them several times.

another neat thing is that i really like this dialogue from mia after the trial ends:

which is her referring to whichever choice we made right before franziska saved the day; either securing the non guilty verdict, or claiming that engarde is guilty. i was very happy to learn that mia says this regardless of which choice you pick, bc neither options are necessarily incorrect. if you say engarde is guilty, it means that being a lawyer means to believe in your own convictions and moral compass. if you secure a not guilty verdict for instead, it means being a lawyer, a defense lawyer, is about defending your client to the best of your ability, regardless of ur own personal beliefs. both of these are admirable traits to have in a lawyer which is why either choice are praised equally…. THIS CASE IS SO GOODFJSDLJFK

some other final comments before i wrap this up: i was so relieved to see andrews smile at the end of everything T_T i think shes a subtle parallel to wright, edgeworth, and franziska, as all four of them have lost their mentors and are struggling bc of it. all 4 of them were dependent on their mentors to various degrees, but by the end of the case, they are able to extract themselves from their mentors' shadows, and are able to forge a new path for themselves. wright learns that theres more to being an attorney than believing in one's client, edgeworth and franziska put von karma's legacy of perfection behind them, and andrews learns to be comfortable with herself 🥲🧡 also gumshoe was such a real one in this case…. i am so sorry for previously cussing you out when u wouldnt give me evidence. through our time together you have become a friend to me <3

#aa lb

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chocoyeo · 8 months

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ohhh there was a bunch of things but the main is that chan isn’t allowed to do chan’s room anymore bc the last time he did, it caused a fan war (its so stupid. he just mentioned how some of the newer idols don’t greet the senior ones and that he finds it a lil odd and disrespectful. but he literally also said “but idk maybe i’m just old fashioned”)

and he didn’t mention anyone. but stays on twt especially started guessing and decided he was talking ab this one gg and that gg’s fandom are like… all minors lol. bc the gg is full of minors jdhgfdhja so they got really angry. and started sending a lot of hate to chan even though he didn’t mention anyone. anyway. the thing escalated and chan had to release an official apology even though he NEVER mentioned any names and was just speaking in general.

but anyway, yeah. so he can’t do chan’s room anymore. he told a fan one-on-one during a fan meet but someone in the audience was filming it and made it viral. which made stay go crazy and send hate jyp and his family kwjhwgfdjk

and then chan had to kinda low-key tell them to stop on bbl and that they aren’t helping the situation like they think they are. but anyway. all the drama lasted for a few days and then it went poof! as usual AHHAHAHA (in happier news…. skz won a VMA two days ago!! they were so excited hehe)

and awwww summer holidays are over? :( das sad. but hey at least you’ll be one semester closer to graduating~ that’s fun hehe. good luck with uni starting againnnn <3 i hope you stay relatively stress free hehe

sorry for the late reply help but this sounds like a total mess dfsjdkfd i read some stuff abt this but i didnt think it would blow up this bad ! I might not feel that affected from all this since i lost interest completely but im sure if it happened a few years ago i would be screaming crying sobbing since i remember clearly how i would build my schedule around chans room

i saw skz at vma and thats so nice, they've come so far :( <3 !!!!!!

SKDFJHDSKF ONE SEMESTER CLOSER TO GRADUATION IS QUITE THE POSITIVE WAY TO LOOK AT IT but yeah ur right, i also cant wait to finally have a proper schedule (so i can complain abt it i guess since im a mess no matter whether i have schedules or not kjhdskfjdshf)

#min chats!#sulfurcosmos <3

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clulessmess · 2 years

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ohhhhhh my fucking god.

I need to get around to making that neocities.

EDIT: um. Ok. Accidentally Posted a vent mid typing

I dont feel like retyping any of that so ill just edit this in the morning since its getting late

So yeah here i go free write venting sawry <3

Just gettin them (unfinished) feelings out

fyi recently decided to check out what neocities is abt after hearing friends gushing abt it n after scrolling around sites I got hyped n decided to make my own neocities after I realized this could possibly solve all my problems sdhkhkfgd

first of all,

............. not to bring this up for the 7848234th time but. yeah Im still having spiraling thoughts abt my girl + the AU. Yes, as I said earlier the intensity of those spirals have died down significantly. but unfortunately its still there, at the back of my mind. and uh oh!!!!!!!!!! unfortunately theres days where it spikes!!!! and frankly brothers i cant take these thoughts anymore,, i need a place to get the fuck away from social media

I honestly feel thats the reason why I have these thoughts. I haaaate having to fucking overthink posting anything that could be percieved as cringe on my own fucking accounts to prevent the possibility that it could be the post could have me marked as a sort of “lolcow” or laughing stalk known to the internet. I haaaaate that when I have to talk to ppl, fuck even my own online friends, i haveta be walking eggshells via the irony mask and hide shit bc if i feel if i do i have justify my stance to not be seen as cringe!!!!!! I haaaaaaaaaate this fucking terminally online paranoia!!!!!!!!

and I know me saying “I need to get away from social media, im growing paralyzingly sick from my chronically online brainrot” and proceeding to still do this in an another online public space instead of just simply just stop posting abt Her + the AU and maybe even mass delete anything abt them if theyre doing nothing but causing me stress is a weird decision.... but ok.. hear me out

as a creative, the alternative (just mass deleting + stop posting) is just.....feels so alienating? Like we all crave..an audience??? idk how to fucking explain it but we all like the idea of at least a few ppl liking our stuff? And despite all this headache,,, i still care her 🥺

the thought that this thing I care abt, that I made with my own two hands, that I cannot ever show that to anyone.... thats devestating

I think the reason I keep spiraling is that I feel there is no safe space for me to post abt this. Perhaps specifically fear of the wrong type of ppl catching wind of it.

The current online landscape is fucking hell. Irony poisoned n the standards are so high, ppl will not put up with mediocrity or cringe and they will be LOUD and clear about that.

Not even tumblr is safe.

Neocities though, from what ive seen its the fucking safe haven for self indulgence. Its not uncommon for ppl to have these things called "shrines", a small subwebsite within a website commonly used to just like. Infodump abt whatever thing they like, often obscure and maybe a little "cringe" (i dont mean this to insult them but like. Yknow what i mean right)

Additionally, I wont have to worry about the Wrong People" finding out abt me and My Bullshit. Or most anyone discovering me and My Bullshit. Being into neocities is kinda a "niche", most ppl dont know anything abt neocities asides from programming nerds rlly nostalgic for the old days of the internet!

If anyone for whatever reads this made it this far... Yep. I finally actually went through with the decision of deleting any trace of her off both my tumblrs. I will no longer be talking about her on tumblr unless until this game releases.

Its the perfect place to hide her for now....

Besides, ive been let go of the only job my incompetent ass could ever do but probably still fucked up anyways. Think I need a fucking hobby that could maybe double as a skill so. Why not dust off what little programming stuff I know and expand upon in it in case my moms right and I cant rlly get my art career to pop off

Though... I guess the one downside for this is that while I hopefully wont be able to directly recieve hate about the AU...I dont think I will be able to recieve any possible love for it either.

As much as i hate to sound like some attentionwhore, and as much as i had a crippling fear of being found out by the Wrong People... there is a small inkling hope and..curiosity for people that might like it

Again, neocities isnt well known. The one upside to me posting my GLITCHED shit on tumblr is that this is prrobably? The only place where GLITCHED has an actual fanbase on tumblr, so i could like get engagement (ugh.... Hate phrasing it like that. Like im sort of numbers obsessed influencer. But i cant think of what else to call it. The possibility of the fans + the rare outsider interacting n being able to read nice or funny little notes), so I highly doubt anyone is going to think to click on the link to my Gina shrine since GLITCHED isnt well known either once I finish my neocities. Even if someone was curious enough to find my website + the shrine n wanted to express that they liked it, Neocities doesnt have a built in system where people can send messages to the creator.

I am going to post the link to my neocities, since well. I know that there is a small few who did like her (or just appreciated the passion i had).

#namii finally speaks #sorry. vent(?) time.#i hate ppl <3 #i changed my mind bros its both a rb acc + personal acc #im not sure if this'll happen often but if this shits annoying to u. u can unfollow i promise i wont mind #or just block vent and rant bc i promise u. once this neocities fully set up u will never hear my mopey ass ever again #vent #rant #i hate u the negative and maybe even traumatic effects that was the 2016 art community i hate u post 2010s online culture i hate u adults

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berryunho · 2 years

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LOL sorry omg i really died. like am still dying. i spent all day yesterday crying over my coursework and shit but i talked to that guy and he really knocked some sense into me and told me to not be so hard on myself... so now im crying internally and not externally 😭

ive been thinking about it now and i think i might switch majors for the sake of my sanity bc real talk the amount of work is insane and i cant properly function it's crazy out here idk how people do this... i was thinking maybe health sci since i already have most of the credits for the degree and ive always wanted to be involved in the healthcare field... im gonna see my academic advisor on monday and see what they say because holy guacamole i want to be able to enjoy school w/o crying every time i think about it

omg that got long but those have been my thoughts for the past few days BUT ANYWAY that's so good!!!! im so happy for you big brain energy we love to see it!! ive got a biochem midterm this week (which is the cause of my mental breakdowns BUT KLSJFRG) and ochem is in 2 weeks but as i said might change majors and ochem is not necessary... so i'll prob drop it haha

the last season was so good. i found it a bit slow in the beginning but once it picks up it's going like i could not stop watching it!! i havent watched bcs but i heard it gets better near the end again?? ive watched el camino tho

that's how i felt abt crocheting at first like im the type of person to try something for a little bit and then give up right after but honestly!!! it's so fun because you can make all kinds of different things like clothing, bags, accessories and it's so fun!! i've been picking up knitting too and i've made some socks and i'm working on a sweater rn

WOIEFJWE that man is so wonderful like i feel like he really understands me and !!!!!!!!!!! i feel like he really balances out the "negative" parts/thoughts of me and is so reassuring IM WHIPPED LOL

omg yes i had a bad cold too like a week ago (no covid as well) and i think i might be good now knock on wood!! what a slay im glad your classes are going so well for you! i dont follow hockey (gasp) but i can see the thrill of it!! hopefully they can win the next game!

highly enjoyed the break. have a great weekend too!! <3

-mightychondria

no no no worries lol i totally get being busy and everything <33

but omg :[[ im sorry that school has been so overwhelming and stressful for you aaaaa yeah if its at the point where you're upset everyday and completely overwhelmed and don't like school then i definitely agree w changing your major.... you don't want the rest of your life to be like this lol health science would be interesting for sure !! there are so many ways to be involved in health care and the health system without being a doctor/nurse/etc so im sure you'll be able to find something that works !!

?!*%*$???($*@)? you're taking ochem AND biochem at the same time ?!!?($*@)@ i understand the breakdowns wtf id lose it fr but lol fingers crossed changing your major works out so that you don't have to take that ochem exam

fr i definitely understand why breaking bad is considered like one of the best shows of all time ... the writing was so good and the story was so compelling and even when it got to the point where you were like 'wtf thats sick and messed up' you couldnt stop watching bc you were in so deep lol but !! ive yet to watch el camino ... hmmm

oooo man thats so cool !! you're so right like i always see crochet tutorials on tiktok for like the most random things ever and you can make like. anything. its amazing. hehe maybe ill try it out once i have more free time :]

YAAAYYY FOR THE MAN!! im glad that he's good for you :] its very nice that he's sticking w you through all of your stress and helping you out!! hehe have yall gone on any fun dates or are you just ~talking~ ?

tis the time of year for colds lol this one i think is just about done ... my cough is significantly better today but i can't decide if its actually better or if its just bc i havent been talking today .... lol ig ill see tomorrow! KFLJDSKFJ [gasp] a canadian that doesn't follow hockey ... an incredible find ... hehehe im joking but yes fr hockey is so crazy compared to other sports like even though its kinda like soccer its still so different and sooooo entertaining to me lol ty for the support for my team they definitely need it [muffled through fake coughing] they're bad [more fake coughing]

yay! i hope this week of classes goes better! tyyyy <3 <3 <3

#mightychondria anon #answered

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