#its so horrific and even that we dont get to really focus on

[amatres]

the cure for tranquility should have been a bigger plot point in inquisition, it is literally the final straw that makes the circle of magi vote for independence, yet all we get from it is an ambient dialogue in haven and cassandra's quest where you cant even push for her to release it to the public bc it has to be 'dealed out slowly' like what the hell

it shouldn't have even been a reveal in cassandra's optional companion quest, it should have been forefront bc fiona is right there and she was there when it was revealed during the vote??? this should be a big thing, at the very least in the mage route? we get a tranquil character in having maddox (who is also optional) why isn't there more?

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[youngpettyqueen]

im gonna make a separate post for my thoughts on the Garak/Julian content in A Stitch in Time because I want to first give all my thoughts on what most of the story was about, of course, which was Garak and his life. so, without further ado and under a cut for your convenience, my thoughts on A Stitch in Time!

first of all I loved this book with my entire heart and soul. its an incredible piece of character writing, strong from beginning to end, and it came as no surprise that Andrew Robinson captured Garak perfectly. you can really tell how much love and work went into this book and into capturing Garak at these different points of his life, and so much of what we see of him in his early life really tracks for what we see of him in the show, and reinforces in writing what we could've already gleaned from him in the show. seriously, just on the basis of how good the character writing is, I will recommend this book to any DS9 fan

I was always looking forward to reading this book just as a Garak fan. he's a fascinating and compelling character, with a lot of layers and complexities, and an incredible amount of emotional depth. and this book truly delivered in diving into all those layers of all, all those depths and nuances. Andrew Robinson makes it very clear why Garak is the way he is in DS9, and how he's always been the way he is, for better or for worse. there was never a moment of this book where I went "this isnt Garak", from childhood to post-DS9. you truly get to see how Garak's youth shaped him, and set up who he would become, and it all makes such beautiful sense

I love that throughout the backstory pieces, Garak's sentimentality is constantly his undoing. and I especially love that no matter how hard he wants to stop, he cant. this comes through the most with Palandine, from his days in Bamarren with her, to when he has an affair with her, to when he cant help but see her one more time even when he's been warned away and it ends with his capture. but we dont just see this with Palandine, we also see it with Lokar in Bamarren when Garak lets himself be lulled into a false sense of friendship, and is subsequently blindsided and betrayed. and again, with Remara, even though he is suspicious of her, he cant help but be drawn to her. and later still, to the Federation negotiator. he's a sentimental sap who craves connection, and love, and this bites him in the ass over and over again, but he cant stop himself from trying. how compelling, how beautifully tragic. it makes the end of the book, with its hopeful look at Cardassia's future and heavy focus on Garak's connection to Julian, all the sweeter. because finally, Garak can be sentimental and open and connected. finally, its working out

I love the unflinching approach Andrew Robinson takes to Garak's past. we know from the show that Garak's past is dark and unpleasant, and in this book it isnt sugarcoated. Garak hurts people, he kills people, he manipulates and lies, and he enjoys controlling others through fear. he's capable of great cruelty. I love that this is an internal conflict at times- when he's on Romulus, raising a deadly poison in the garden, and he wonders how Tolan would feel if he saw what his teachings were being used for. but what I love for the most part is that Garak treats torture and killing like its just another day at work, cause to him, it is. its just another job. another assignment. the casualty of the horrific things he does is just so well written

speaking of ways that Garak sucks- love the way his feelings towards Bajorans was presented. in the show I always felt it was a bit unclear whether or not he actually believed what he was saying about Bajorans, or if he was just doing it to piss people off. A Stitch in Time makes it very clear that Garak does believe that Bajorans are an inferior species, and that he is incredibly prejudiced against them. but it also establishes that even with that, he's BETTER than a lot of Cardassians are about Bajorans, which I find interesting. he thinks Dukat is a barbarian for how he treats Bajorans, the enslavement of Bajorans disgusts him, and there's an extent to which he feels pity for them. like dont get me wrong, he's still awful about Bajorans, but its interesting to see where he draws the line compared to other Cardassians like Dukat and Lokar

Garak's family life had me by the neck the entire time I was reading. finding out he didnt even know Tain was his father until he was into adulthood... I need to rewatch every episode with Tain but especially In Purgatory's Shadow/By Inferno's Light because I need to see that final scene between him and Garak again with this knowledge. and Tolan, I loved Tolan. I loved him a lot. I love that he wanted to be Garak's dad, and desperately wished that Garak could've been his son. I love how influential he was throughout Garak's life, and how he was the source of his sentimentality and all his soft parts. I love that Tolan clearly wanted to save Garak from the path he saw him going on, and that in many ways, he succeeded. it wouldnt be for years and years to come, but eventually, as we see- Garak is on the right path. Garak embraces what Tolan taught him, and thats what allows him to heal. to step up into his place and work for a better Cardassia

to me, one of those important scenes for this in the book is right towards the end, when Garak is in the meeting with Madred and the others. and how he's fully planning on being here as a double agent, doing what he's always done best, and then it just hits him how ridiculous it all is. how ridiculous this group is. and he laughs, and he leaves. this is Garak choosing not to stand in the shadows. this is Garak stepping fully into the light, and stepping up, and embracing a brand new role. he's no longer one of Tain's night people. he's free. its a beautiful scene, I could've honestly been cheering if I wasn't so sick while I was reading it last night. one of my favourite scenes in the entire book

ill tie that scene into one of my favourite dynamics in the novel- Garak and Pythas. I love that they were genuinely friends, and that they took pleasure in each other's company, and cared about each other. this is really the one major instance where Garak's sentimentality doesnt do him in as he's growing up, and I love that, and I love how it makes him cling to Pythas all the more. I was fucking ecstatic to see him and Pythas reunite towards the end. I love that Garak got that one bit of happiness, to see his old friend alive, and still happy to see him. that was incredibly important to me, and I couldnt be happier with how it turned out for them

I did love the Garak and Palandine relationship. it was sweet, and desperate, and always doomed to end in tragedy. to me, Garak's relationship with Palandine confirmed what I already knew- Garak has never been able to deny himself what he wants. he knew having an affair with Palandine would end badly for him, but he couldnt stop himself, because he loved her. I also love that we dont get to find out what happened to Palandine. personally, I think shes either dead, or she fled off-world. and I think its important that Garak doesnt get that closure, and he doesnt pursue it- to me, this is where he has to deny himself what he wants, and I think its crucial that he does it not for his own sake, but for Kel's. and he's right to do so. Garak is the man who killed her father and broke her family, so to pursue her for answers about her mother would be an incredibly selfish act on his part. him choosing to leave Kel be, to not approach and to simply attend the meetings, is a massive sign of growth. I was legit emotional while I was reading that bit, but that might be partially because, again, I was incredibly sick last night while I was reading it so I was very sensitive

some other Garak dynamics I loved seeing. I loved that we got a few scenes of Garak and Odo, and their very strange friendship. I love that Odo asks Garak to make clothes for him. I love that Garak genuinely enjoys the task. I love that Odo will join Julian and Garak sometimes for their lunches. I love that we saw the first stages of Garak and Quark's relationship, which I would read as somewhere between professional association and genuine friendship, as much as either of these characters will allow. and the surprising sweetness of the Garak and Rom dynamic took me by surprise, and left me wanting more. I love that Garak is just genuinely fond of Rom and likes him, and that Rom is just chill with Garak and talks to him. the Garak and Kira scenes were so good, and so insightful into them and their strange dynamic. I love that Garak looks back on talks he's had with Kira, and finally has to understand her rage. I'd love to know if he ever reached out to her sometime post-DS9. that would be an interesting relationship to explore

gonna wrap this up now. I truly loved this book so much. what an incredible character exploration. I cannot give Andrew Robinson enough props for so effectively setting up everything we know about Garak, from his sentimentality to his tailoring to where he'll go post-DS9. every chapter had me by the neck, wanting more more more. I could barely put the book down. I think the scenes inserted into DS9 were incredible, and read so well I had no trouble visualizing them. but most of all, I just loved getting to see all these different stages of Garak. I loved seeing what made him into the man he is in the show. I loved seeing what he's doing after. I loved where this book confirmed what I already knew, and where it challenged me and kept me guessing. every choice and interaction and line felt so true to Garak's character, and thats a truly impressive feat. seriously, I cant praise this book enough. I thoroughly enjoyed myself every page of the way

if youre a DS9 fan and you love Garak, and you havent read A Stitch in Time- I highly recommend it!

[steveharrington]

But we’re not told WHY they’re vecna’d. There’s no reason why vecna targets traumatized teens EXCEPT to make it even more horror-movie-ish. Why do they get trash compacted like that specifically? It’s implied that’s how vecna a powers work but why? No idea.

The show has left so many unanswered questions already and this new element (vecna itself!) just over complicates everything

And I’m actually kind of pissed bc Patrick gets vecna’d and we know almost nothing about him. But stranger things… hates poc

I actually kind of hate Chrissy because of how differently she (pretty white girl) was treated from Patrick (black boy). And. her eating disorder existed SOLELY for exploitative purposes just to cause an emotional reaction it’s not something that adds to her as a character it’s just there to freak the audience out, meanwhile other REAL LIFE ACTORS are being forced to starve themselves for the roles. We get it eating disorders are scary good thing they’re not real! /s

Acting like this new girl will be important focusing on her ed only to kill her off in the most horrific way possible… i don’t like it it feels exploitative especially of a real world problem this show is absolutely complicit in spreading

We got a LOT less development for Fred than chrissy and didn’t fucking. Languish in such a triggering topic I think he was the happy medium.

Regardless the focus on traumatized teens with no other similarities was already so random they could have just picked literally anyone with no special backstory and it would have worked just as well? At the end of the day Chrissy ONLY matters as motivation for Jason, who only matters as motivation for Eddie ( and since Eddie’s death did nothing like. It didn’t seem like he was saving Dustin’s life or anything) who only matters to make Dustin kind of sad? She died for man pain except the ultimate man pain was for some guy she never even met

Chrissy isn’t a person or a character she’s a bafflingly written INTENTIONALLY TRIGGERING and misogynistic plot device with an outrageous amount of minute details they could have given to any of the real characters. They didn’t have to spend 10 minutes pretending she mattered only to beat her to death with a rock and then run over her a few times for good measure

well first of all i am no authority on the topic of whether or not chrissy's struggles with her ed were done correctly and therefore i will not speak on it because its really....not my place as someone who hasn't experienced that!

as for why vecna targets people with trauma specifically, i think it serves a greater narrative purpose and that's depicted best through max's arc this season. vecna's whole backstory as henry shows that he was obviously traumatized himself by brenner and when he appeals to chrissy, fred, and max he attempts to persuade them to just give up/join him/etc because it's easier than carrying on. he's using their trauma against them. and then when max is faced with this threat of losing her life to vecna, it motivates her to want to get better and want to stop isolating herself from lucas and the group, she literally says "i don't want to go, im not ready" and it kinda overall like. saves her life! vecna acts as a narrative tool to explore mental health and trauma and guilt. imo it's much much MUCH more impactful for our characters to overcome him through their bonds and their desire to live despite what they've been through than like.....killing a monster of the week

obv you dont have to agree with me and that's fine but i don't think chrissy is like...a misogynistic charicature in the slightest. like i said before i really don't think chrissy's treatment in the show was uniquely different than fred's or even max's. i don't really understand how chrissy's trauma was "languished in" any more than fred's? i feel like they got equal screentime and fred's vecna vision was just as brutal as chrissy's, even if they talked about two entirely different topics. and if im being completely honest (again not trying to be rude or demean your view of the show, but you did send this ask to me personally so im going to give my honest opinions back) i think referring to chrissy as a "plot device" and not a "real character" is intentionally reading the show in bad faith.

this season is a horror season. people die like they do in any slasher movie. i understand if the vecna plotline isn't for everyone because like yeah watching characters who are already suffering die very tragic deaths is hard! but i think the point of vecna like i said before is to personify trauma, guilt, and shame to allow our characters to overcome those feelings. chrissy's death worked both to establish what vecna does and to involve eddie. but i dont think that automatically makes her a "prop" or a "plot device" because she's given a personality, she's given a lot of thought and care from the actress, she's given people who mourn her. i think it was genuinely one of the sweetest moments in the whole show when eddie dedicated his little guitar solo to her because it showed that her death affected him and in motivating him to want to kill vecna and save his friends from her same fate, it had meaning

[perhaps-relax]

id like to complain about Barry for a bit.

I came to the show late and didnt watch it as it was coming out, but have been moving thru it over the last month. I have a tendency to just stop watching shows when theres a lull or an arc i dont find interesting, and ive been fighting that urge for two seasons now bc my partner has been enjoying it. we have two episodes left and i cant wait to be done with it. so without having seen the finale, heres where im at:

firstly, its not that the bad behavior of all the main characters bothers me. i was aware from episode 1 that this was not a show about good people, or even about bad people trying to be better. and i kept watching, and really enjoyed seasons 1 and 2, bc i dont need perfect protagonists to remain invested. but. like. the premise was about a hitman getting into acting, right? ...Barry has not acted for the last 10 episodes. they just sort of abandoned that aspect of the character, which was really the only interesting thing about him. ive gone from liking him to hating him to appreciating the nuisance of his character, to literally not caring what he does anymore bc of how often the writers kept flipping the switch on him. hes no longer a reflection of how real people cope with the bad things theyve done. hes just a tool for shocking the audience.

Seasons 1 and 2 thrived on the revolving cast of antagonists, which was a fun way to demonstrate the endless cycle and escalation of violence that barry's trapped in. The absurdity of the martial arts master and his feral child was excellent and imo the high point of the show, and they were only in one or two episodes. but by season 3 and 4, the introduction and immediate execution of new characters gets incredibly stale, because we stop expecting them to matter in any way. the kid actor, the tall blond gal, albert, bong, any chechen or bolivian, they keep setting us up w characters and the impression that they will be important to the leads, and expecting us to be impacted by the subversion of this expectation. and im just...not. im bored of it.

also, I don't like timeskips, it strikes me as a bit of a cop-out that just...kills the momentum of any arc leading up to it. Like the writers put themselves in a position and decide they dont want to deal with writing their way out of it. then they can just waste a bunch of airtime on where-are-they-now exposition instead of actually resolving or elaborating on the existing conflicts or themes they were pursuing earlier. better call saul almost did it right, but even that was a boner-killer of a finale. And the way Barry skips into the future to do some kind of half-assed commentary about 'where society is going' reminds me too much of the toothless politics of parks & rec. the whole podcast Christianity homeschooling thing is pretty interesting, tho.

and finally let me jsut go ahead and say that it was incredibly unfair what they did to cristobal. the electroshock therapy scene was horrific, but the very next episode, hes fine. he never even talks about what that did to him. no, instead, we're supposed to focus on how traumatized hank is from the whole tiger incident or whatever. like, gene's son leo lost his job, and we never talk about why, or what that means for him. and then he gets shot, cool cool cool, really cool wow, so interesting. the black and brown characters are not necessarily unique in how disposable or otherwise unimportant they are, compared to secondary white characters like Katie or Annie or Kristen, but its still pretty gross how the writers seem a little more willing to subject them to violence and trauma.

[gayspock]

ok .... farscape momence

okay so randdommm thoughts dump time

FIRSTLY: there's some odd moments, huh, where its like. its never HORRIFIC but the "gore" for lack of a better term really pushes whatever the rating is on this show, LOL.... like the hand melting scene in last ep? & crichtons head freaking exploding in outer space in this ep? yeessshhh....

also also also. i see that this ep im on rn (dream a little dream) isnt a zhaan ep but as an aside. its sooo strange bc i love zhaan as a character but SIGHHHH. i noticed that zhaan-focussed eps, thus far, fall sooo flat and thats such a freaking shame!! i feel like they sorta dont know how to deal with her as the focus and they go too hard in the wrong direction. but anyways

and also they do make some odd decisions with her otherwise, even still. not ones im wholly against but... i feel like they sometimes dont pull them off well. and i say that bc usually its, like, with her - whereas with everyone else, i feel like they consistently nail and get right, even if the episode is weaker. its odd. maybe im just misreading her sometimes, or what. but again its a shame bc i rlly like her. and they do do GOOD stuff with her too, ofc- i love the subtleties they pull off with her sometimes- but sometimes im like man what like...

although that being said ido like that this ep did take the time to kinda. explore exactly what she went through in that interim period between s1 and s2 and i DO think, saving it for now, rather than doing it right at the beginning was the right choice. her being imprisoned and put to execution makes her state a lot more understandable. though i willsay- kinda obvious how like.... they were SCRAPING for a way to put this in here lol. its kind of weird to frame it with the nightmare thing but eh its functional and her talk with crichton is nice enough

ALSO i actually reallylove chiana and rygels dynamic and i DID enjoy seeing them in this ep, and i did enjoy bits of this ep BUT theresother aspects.... MY BRAIN is failingtonight so im struggling to put it into words. like a lot of this, like quite a few s2 eps, didnt quite work out for me...

i think courtroom episodes in scifi shows can be cool when theyre done right and cleverly, and really do explore themes of morality, but i cant really say that of this episode. i think chiana and rygel do make a good team but a lot of it is a bit weird and not in the fun goofy farscape weird but like just kinda like... pulled out your ass, weird? like the stick thing and stuff. i think they should have pushed some parts a lot more than they did, and focussed on the wrong bits elsewhere- but even then, i still dont know, bc...

i feel like this episode sort of lost its point in general bc im skimming through trivia on it and it looks like this script was kinda moved about a bit and that shows and thats a shame bc i think. like when this STARTED i assumed it would be a zhaan ep and i think that it really... should have been? like-

DONT GET ME WRONG like i said it was fun and i liked the rygel and chiana dynamic. i think: a) rygel and chiana are alone and have to work together without the team; b) rygel and chiana have to play lawyers and cant use their usual skillet... is a solid story BUT wlike i dont know like. i feel like if youre going to flashback like this and have zhaan introduce and conclude the episode it would have worked better as an exploration of her, and for it to be her narrative rather than that. and then i think that would work better if we focussed more on the injustices of the planet rather than, like, courtroom drama bc they also lost sight of those, too, ro at least they werent rlly developed fully either . i think those two themes would have been stronger to go into for this setup and rygel and chiana antics tabled for another time

anwyays its funny i said so much here bc it didnt feel like that much. i also totally blanked out on last ep too i feel like that... AGAIN. THERES SOMETHING WITH S2 WHERE ITS LIKE- i cant tell if the end of s1 just raised such a bar for me, but the mediocre reallyyyy feels mediocre . I DONT MEAN ITS LIKE BAD BAD and im for sure still excited and continuing with the show BUT YKNOW. i get it man all showshave a bit like this LOL

and again theres still good stuff in there. well i mean last ep. EH. I DONTKNOW. IT FELT LIKE IT DRAGGED FOR SO LONG AND I JUST DIDN CARE...HELP...SORRY. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER WHAT IT WAS. but maybe thats just because im crazzy fucking out of it rn

[gaylonelydyke]

if it’s not too late, 12 for episodes and ships, and 17!

its never too late! thankyou for the ask 🥰 oo damn this is gonna be a hefty one, just to prepare you this is gonna be long 😅😅😅

spoiler alert for my friends who are finishing up season 2 rn, be careful if you look at my top five episodes, pay attention the the episode numbers, i will put [ ] in bold at the beginning and end of spoilers!

12. Top 5 ships

5. faith x myself because have you seen faith? shes such a babe! spare consensual kiss maam?

4. willow x oz, i dont know if this is an unpopular or not but i feel like if the 90s had been more accepting of term then willow wouldve been bisexual, but like even now tv shows will rarely let characters say that word :( but anyway i love them! theyre both quirky and kinda awkward but its such a sweet relationship and you really see how they go from awkward crushes to an actual deep relationship, oz is one of my favourite characters too what a dude!

3. giles x jenny, mlmxwlw solidarity in this bisexual couple! there is no an ounce of straight between them and i love it, i love their dynamic, i love that giles *respects women* (im staring daggers at xander rn), also the original girlboss x malewife couple askdjaksjhd

2. drusilla x spike, these two!!!!!! once again a bisexual couple with zero straight between them, the vibes are off the charts. sexy vampires, goth x punk love, i just love them man, and their relationship is so interesting to delve into. like theyre vampires, theyre soulless and yet they have a capacity for love, they care deeply for eachother, theyre so tender towards eachother in season 2 in the way they take turns to care for one another, also drusilla picking spike up with one hand made me gay and thats on that

1. willow x tara!!!!! lesbians man lesbians! they have a beautiful relationship, until a certain point wink wink, they feel like a perfect match, willows become more outgoing due to buffy and xander snd having a proper group of friends, so its cool to see her as the more outgoing independant one in the relationship, and tara is such a honey 🥺 the biggest sweetheart in the world what a babe!!!! also like how groundbreaking was their relationship? as a queer couple, they had p much the dame amount of screentime as a aueer relationship today! and willow says the word lesbian so many times and is always making gay jokes which is something shows today are too scared to do, its honestly refreshing which is weird for a show in the 90/00s

12. Top 5 episodes

this is so hard because its such a damn good show so i had to rlly be picky about this but here we go

5. 6x22 ‘grave’- i watched buffy for the first time last year at work coz i worked with one other person just packing shit, and THIS was the episode that made us cry infront of eachother. the scene with willow and xander at the end is one of my all time favourite scenes and like legit we were watching and we starting going like ha.. this is so sad Q_Q and we looked at eachother and we were both crying akdjdjsjdhs its SO GOOD, like this is a friendship ive been so invested in and [seeing xander be able to pull her back from that dark place was so heart wrenching and amazing god its so good]

4. 3x12 ‘helpless’ - im finishing up s2 in my rewatch rn so i havent rewatched this one to double check but i remember loving it man. buffys father daughter relationship with giles is my favourite of the whole show they make my heart ache, so i love that this is an episode that really shows you how dedicated giles is to her, [its the breaking point where he finally disregards the fact that hes a watcher and acts as her father once and for all, its a turning point for their relationship where he is finally embracing the fact that shes like a daughter to him and i just love to see it Q_Q get you a dad who will leave his lifes calling for you]

3. 4x22 ‘restless’ - season 4 is interesting coz it has really good episodes and them some gd awful ones 😂😂 but this one just blew me away, i love a good character study episode and this is THE SHIT! its so weird and creepy but in the most perfect way, its not on the nose its so subtle, it feels like an uncanny valley version of buffy almost, i like that they finished the season first and then took this episode to do something out of the box and different i feel like it lets them fully explore this idea without the pressure of needing plot included. [also the cheese man is iconic. dont however like xander being all nasty with willow and tara but whats new there man]

2. 1x12 ‘The Prophecy Girl’ - for my first watch of buffy i wasnt that into the first season, like i enjoyed it but i didnt think it was anything super special? but this episode changed EVERYTHING for me. up until now buffy had been fun, witty, charming, but not anything new atleast for me, maybe in the 90s it was but right now its your average teen supernatural show. but this episode!!!! the emotion! buffy facing her death, her speech about how shes just 16 and shes scared and she doesnt want to die, that is what i wanna see!! its heartbreaking and it made me cry, and then it gives us the wonderful moment of giles trying to take her place and buffy realising that she has to be the one to do it, man its so good! basically anything with buffy and giles being a duo is gonna make it an automatic yes from me and this is indeed the case for this episode, i just love that the show remembers that shes a child! shes not brave all the time, shes not strong all the time, shes just doing her best and sometimes its overwhelming, 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼 i bow to this episode

1. 2x17 ‘passion’ - i know i just sang praises about prophecy girl but THIS EPISODE IS THE SHIT, the best episode full stop. i wont accept any argument. angel is probably my favourite big bad, its so funny to see plain bread, mopey brooding angel become this charismatic, funny, poetic, blood thirsty angelus, hes everything i want in a villain and in this episode he delivers! rip jenny tho love her. i think the tension built around angel is so good, because of his drawings and notes left around, every scene youre worrying like is he here now? are they safe or what? its so tense! and also it is me and im a slag for buffy x giles father daughter moments and this episode fucking delivers! giles discovering jennys dead body is probably one of the best scenes on the show, the dramatic irony is heAVY, we know jenny is dead, we know that these flowers arent from her, but giles is so so happy, and i want to see him happy but you just know somehing horrific is about to happen and damn does it. its a masterpiece! i love jenny and giles so much it is so sad, but also the fact that it gave us that scene makes me almmmoost ok with it? i also love the moment where giles breaks down in buffys arms, hes been there for her and now shes returning the favour and hes accepting it i just 😭😭😭 also on a different note, angels narration of this episode is amazing! it gives us great insight to who he is as “evil angel” and like even though hes awful i was also kind of rooting for him coz hes just such a great villain

sorry this is so long lmao, last question!

17. Which characer do you wish had less of a focus on them in the show?

i dont wanna get yelled at butttttt i dont like the amount of focus on dawn. i think it makes sense for the her first season considering the story arc but that season really does double down its focus onto dawn and buffy and it barely leaves room for anyone else to have a storyline, it keeps the episodes super depressing too its like a constant level of just sadness the whole time because we’re so stuck in THEIR arc, theres no room to balance it out and have a breather, some people might like that its more serious but i really really didnt like, i love episodes like prophecy girl where it is campy and brings the more emotional notes in when the time comes, but dawns whole arc is just constantly depressing the whole time i just hate it, and also just shes not a character i felt i could connect to because of how suddenly shes introduced, so its weird to have her SO focused on in the first half of that season coz we dont know her yet so i feel like the emotional moments dont land the way that they should? basically they shouldve eased us into dawn or introduced her differently and maybe i would like her enough to want the focus on her but i really just dont

adksjakjshd apologies for the essay this is, thanks for the ask!

[seoafin]

tbh i dont expect post shibuya arc would be yuuji’s power development, but rather his character. i think part of the jjk goal is to break apart his original motivation and deconstruct it and show why it’s not a great idea (1)

when he says "proper death", it uses the kanji "正" and i think in this case its almost more accurate to phrase it as "righteous/upright death", or even "just death",, its an argument abt the legitimacy of a certain kind of death that has criteria which yuuji never really defines what exactly this is and the fact that he doesnt know and thus becomes uncertain gets spotlit in the small fry and reverse retribution arc and also during his entrance test with yaga,, imo this weakness is alluded to eventually to yaga he says "i'm not going to regret the way i live" but the thing that has always bothered me most abt what yuuji took from his grandfather's last words is that i think his grandpa also cursed him. the emphasis isn’t on proper life but proper DEATH

notably the term "proper death" is coined by yuuji. i dont believe his grandfather is the one who says this, yuuji says it for the first time when he fought curses in school that night. and this focus of proper death is part of what fuels yuujis image as a "good person"

i mean this is from megumi’s good person vs bad person pov. he’s directly compared to tsumiki; a good person is selfless, cares abt others, chooses to look at silver linings, thinks abt consequences. per his grandfather— a good person saves ppl if thanked, just bc they can

HOWEVER for grandfather, saving is a requirement. we dont know anything abt yuujis family history (yet) so we dont know what fuels this line of thought but what he's really saying is : "if u can save ppl, do it, even if it makes u feel lost - and u wont die alone" and thats some cold calculus! theres an implication of life debts being leveraged to keep ppl around u, thankful to u. that kind of expectation he (or anyone) has isn’t an ideal one : be good, and that goodness will return to u on ur deathbed. tbh,, it sounds like a binding vow mechanics imo

also,, potential death flag right in the first chapter. and yuuji IS a nice guy! but i think the narrative makes it clear that this kind of unsupported play at a rigid morality doesn’t work bc its fundamentally shallow and incompatible with shamans reality and his grandpa says "dont die alone",, and later we see on a chapter where gojou tells megumi that teamwork is great but "you'll always die alone" and "to die and then win, and dying victoriously are two different things". u wanna die without regrets, without cursing someone? die satisfying urself

while geto : "strong must protect the weak" the reason? "there is meaning" but why? shamans need to have some selfishness at their core to be successful. they have to think abt themselves, what drives them, to stand firm when they kill and watch others die in horrific, agonizing ways

yuuji's fixation is on death, not life. if he died after chp 1, or after shibuya, we dont know that it would do anything. sukuna could transfer all his power elsewhere, it could be pointless. not being able to save ppl and 'be good' does not give yuuji firm ground to grow (if his name is the same as knotweed plant gives any indication) and bc as megumi’s pov points out— good/bad are subjective and require some form of witness to be assessed. not necessarily self sustaining. i wouldnt even say that yuuji necessarily rly believes in proper death rather he’s following it bc its his grampa's last words

and so we see a lot of strong sorcerers being selfish,,, they know what they want and go after it, so they dont waver. they care, but very specifically, and so their good/bad balance is rly murky. dogma doesnt work,,, but personal conviction does

and like many ppl pointed out : yuuji isn’t the typical shonen protagonist mostly bc he lacks personal conviction that drives him toward a goal. usually, the series starts off with a character who has a goal—like becoming hokage, number 1 hero, wizard king, pirate king and with a stable sense of self and direction, the protag sets out to achieve that goal. yuuji’s different in the sense that his goal isn’t something he devised of his own; it’s sth he “inherited” : his grandfather’s will.

in his grandfather’s context, u aren’t saving or helping people for urself, but out of a fear of being alone, unneeded, unwanted or a burden. nothing abt proper death helps u think about how to live well, righteously. it STOPS thinking by providing something that looks like guidance

also, it’s a goal that’s more existential, and the criteria and steps towards getting to that goal isn’t clearly defined. which I think makes it difficult to track yuuji’s “development”/ “progress” especially if someone is just considering him as a typical shonen protag.

yuuji can’t possibly control the circumstances of people's death, and how they die. but "proper death" isn’t that flexible— u get it or u dont. the yuuji vs mahito fight is yuuji having to accept that he’s not that,,, "good person"

he also loathes, he rages, he kills. he fails to ensure "proper death". he fails to die, and when he thinks he shld die, he doesnt think abt whether or not he'll die alone. in a way its not surprising that he reversed position bc "proper death" is a concept with very lil teeth

and tbh,, i’m always doubting his “kindness” or being a “good person”, in part bc this evaluation is sth that is provided thru the perspective of megumi, who has a specific definition of a good person. yuuji says it himself too when given the choice to consume sukuna’s fingers and be a shaman, there’s no way he can tell himself he’s not at fault somehow.

so how much of his actions is actually coming from a selfish need to ease his own conscience? how much of it is all so that he won’t actually die alone? how much of it is actually altruistic? and whenever yuuji’s confronted with “big moments” where he has to choose, there’s always a callback to his grandfather’s will. which always makes me ask, how much of his sense of morality is his and his alone, not sth that’s attributable to his grandfather?

take away the grandfather’s will and what does yuuji actually have that informs his worldview? u can reason that u’re just an amalgamation of ur social experiences, but there’s always the key process of personal meaning-making which idk if yuuji has done, bc he never seems to express a personal conviction (except with regards to killing mahito and shibuya turning point),,, he’s also seems aware of this. like when he has his conversation with junpei. he understands that killing would be inevitable but he simultaneously refuses to engage with it?

he doesn’t want to introduce that kind of ambiguity in his life, pointing to a kind of self-reflexivity abt his own psychological/emotional immaturity (?)

(it’s simultaneously a mature and childish way of handling tension?) it’s a departure from typical shonen protags who have a somewhat foolhardy personality, clear abt where they’re coming from and can be reasonably predicted to act in specific ways. shonen protags typically arrive in the story fully-formed in the sense that their beliefs & attitudes are already set in stone, and even when confronted by conflicting ideologies, different points of view, the protag’s ethos doesn’t change,, even if they grow stronger, have low points, or experience conflict. they’re quite static in that sense

yuuji is like,,, a blank slate. we’re seeing the essential parts of his character develop in real time, which is rly exciting for me. ig I think of yuji more in terms of a bildungsroman than a shonen narrative? which also contributes to why I enjoy him a lot.

in a way this begs examination of yuuji,, his grandfather’s death is still hanging over him, he suddenly moved to a new city, maybe he's not really processing it all. he also ate the sukuna finger by himself. is he rly focusing on living in a way he wont regret?

and imho with deathbed curses,,, there’s a meta reflection abt the regrets of a previous generation or relationship being projected onto others and how heavy that can be. it’s like confirmation bias,,, someone’s told you, now you know, can’t unsee,,, that's the curse and the power of words

in a way too, i think his grandfather's explanation of proper death is also one that maps onto a simplified and mistaken way of thinking abt karma ,, where theres a transactional mindset in place: u do good to receive good, but that's not rly how it works

tldr : "proper death" doesnt serve yuuji well bc hes using it as a dogmatic mental crutch and he needs to dig into his self awareness to find a source of personal conviction that will make him want to live instead of die righteously.

and if mahito and death is a mirror for humans then,, what abt yuuji and life for humans?

it’s been hundred of thousands of years since the start of human life and ppl are still trying to cope with death thru a millions of way, but what abt life? no matter how pretty and bright a firefly might shine for a moment, it’s only when they blinked out that ppl might want to wait to see them light up again, if they even have the chance to do so

extra : i thought abt the 3 vengeful spirits and they were said to terrorize the capital in heian era like tenjin by heavy rain and lightning which could be categorize as a natural disaster (?) then it’d make sense why the curses especially like jogo (ie related to nature) would be powerful. ppl were so preoccupied fearing the onryos and their wrath and once they were sealed/ excorcise, the fear for nature would increase and then eventually manifest

unrelated but the concept of youth and the loss of it in jjk always reminds me of herman hesse’s demian, in particular this quote, “The bird fights its way out of the egg. The egg is the world. Who would be born must first destroy a world. The bird flies to God. That God's name is Abraxas."

(some) shamans have no choice but to either break the egg earlier than most or, break the egg in normal pace but never had the chance to actually fly to abraxas. i miss nanami sm,,, akutami...at least give me more flashback of him (and haibara) later on

also the tenjo tenge yuiga dokuson 🥴 lemme just organise my thoughts - 🐱 (end)

as always your thoughts are top tier. everything you said made me :DDDDD 😭

at the same time im not surprised yuji hasn’t come into his “own” beliefs yet tbh. he’s still a child!!! it’s normal for children to internalize the beliefs of their authority/guardian figures. i hope you’re right in that we get to see more of yuji himself + his thoughts and watch him grow into a character who actually knows what he wants in life, instead of going off of his grandfather’s last wishes. yuji is honestly so precious and while i usually despise the typical shounen MC I really adore yuji....

and i agree with you that yuji is unusually fixated with the “dying surrounded by people” part rather than the living and making sure you make the necessary connections so you don’t die alone part and it makes me. so sad. plus we’ve been shown time and time over again that yuji doesn’t value his life as much as he should. ugngnggngnnggnnjgkn

[kinneys]

long post of my tma thoughts just to get them on the page

ok so context ive only been into it for just over a year, and I binged s1-4 quite quickly last year. i dipped out of s5 for a few months this autumn/winter, it definitely slogged in the middle for me. in feb i caught up on s5, relistened to all of it in one go around 197 airing, then in the last 3 weeks (!) i managed to relisten to all of s1-4 which was an Experience. 

anyway i will firstly say i think s5 had the weight of insane expectations and the slow release + delays from covid definitely dampened it. s5 was MUCH much more engaging to me on a binge relisten, and unless you just fully despise the ending, i would really suggest anyone on the fence do that.

i will secondly say i think tma suffers both from an audience that wants it to be much darker than it is and an audience that wants it to be much happier than it is, the latter of which has extreme parasocial relationships with the RQ crew and seems to aggressively try and cancel them constantly for very minor issues lol. tma is a horror tragedy podcast but its always been VERY clear that you’re supposed to see jon and co as The Good Ones and root for them to succeed at preserving their humanity+love in the face of Evil Forces. im absolutely fascinated by all the parallels between jon and elias and all the attention given to the fact that this IS something jon chose, he IS culpable, the delicious tension in s4 where he’s stealing statements from people without their consent, etc, but ultimately i dont think its really fair to the overall mood and clearly telegraphed arc of the podcast to have expected it to have an utterly hopeless jon is an evil monster ending or to have the relationship with martin ever be anything but wholly loving. it IS not something i think fully works narratively because it requires a big suspension of disbelief; it’s hard to believe someone who had undergone the things jon had could still be a loving and good person and partner, but that is pretty firmly established as the universe of the show. 

so i dont think it is fair to say that the relatively happy finale and its intense focus on jon and martin’s love for one another is something the teenage fans bullied them into because they couldn't stomach Full Horror. the ending is still pretty horrific - the Web is strongly implied to have like 100% won, and Jon’s been cowed into helping it grow immeasurably more powerful in incomprehensible ways, ultimately his agency was denied to him re: choosing an alternative: that ‘oh no’ realising he let go of the lighter is a very bad moment for him. i think jon would have loved to make the ultimate sacrifice, and was prepared to kill all of humanity to kill the fears for good and redefine *his* place in the story, as selfish and awful that is, but his love for martin did tear him away from that. because he loved martin, he gave in to what the Web wanted, allowing himself to potentially doom innumerable worlds, forever, because he couldn’t let go, and because his other choice involved killing Martin, which he couldn’t bring himself to do. to me that is still a pretty tragic ending, but my personal criticism of it would be that it absolutely does feel like trying to have it both ways re: being tragic but not so tragic they get yelled at on twitter. 

overall s5 is mixed-to-good for me. its really hard to compare it to the other seasons - really it is only vaguely comparable to s4, and even then, its just so far removed that its hard to. i thought daisy and basira ended perfectly. martin got so much added depth as a character that was executed very well. a few of the episodes are definitely series-best for me, like Helen and Scalesa. so much of the character exchanges between jon and martin i really really enjoyed, i have never been that into them at all as a pairing but I got so much more invested. but there are absolutely balls that they dropped and the pacing was definitely inconsistent. some statements were great, others not. 197 was a high it never hit again.

i am very obsessed with elias, he is a fantastic villain, and I do think he was underused, but I do think they kind of wrote themselves into a trap if he is the final boss - of course you’re not gonna see him until the very end. i was sooooooooooo glad to hear his snide little voice saying ‘that we serve’ to Jon, it’s always been so important to me that he forces Jon to acknowledge his complicitness and their shared lust to Know and the way they are paralleled that way. but jon is clearly nothing like elias fundamentally - he has clung desperately to his humanity where Elias has severed every inch of it (except his gay marriages) and I think a climatic showdown between them was only ever gonna read as Good vs. Evil. i liked seeing elias be pathetic at the end, not a king of anything after all, and beg for his life and jon get to deliver the final blow.

so tl;dr....I don’t think s5 was as successful as the other seasons in sticking its landings but I do think the ending still is notably horrific in a big existential way and I don’t think we were ever gonna get the intense traumatic tragedy some people seem to feel cheated out of. i think if you want just imagine it ended at s4 lol

[screamingsilence]

Ramblings of a Very Lonely Nobody

Cliffsnots - Single Mom battling C-PTSD while taking care of her Mom and 3 kids desperately wanting to buy a home for family, yet crippled by student loan debt that allowed her to get a decent job after horrific divorce from extremely abusive husband who took everything including her ability to cope, form attachment, and relationships with other people - resulting in her continued detachment and self isolation.    ((#ouch I wrote this part at the end - after the below - very accurate and well worded but sucks to read.)) 

I'm used to this. Desperately used to this. Quiet, silence, ringing in my ears. Obviously that was from way too many concerts. Don't get too excited though, I went to those alone. Or with a concert buddy that I met offline. I did this to myself. Years of terrible coping skills followed by years of disconnect and disassociation - have lead to fight or flight skills that should be taught in military combat schools. I could definitely teach young women every person Red Flags of relationships and the do's and dont's. I can also help anyone draft up an excellent escape plan if needed? What I cannot do is form attachments / relationships / connections - to anyone. I cannot develop safe spaces and spiritually healthy interpersonal connections with anyone. 

From the inside looking out: everyone is a danger. Every word out of anyone's mouth is a way to hurt, manipulate, gaslight, damage, get the upper foot, belittle, betray, and/or save information to use against me and black mail me. -- Am I a bad person? Nope. Do I do things that are blackmail worthy? Nope. 

I go to work, come home, play with my kids, help them with school work, attempt not to throw the 13 year old off a cliff (damn teenage years), cuddle the 11 year old (she's going through a stage where she is afraid of her own shadow - poor thing) and listen to the 8 year old talk, and talk, and talk -- (and talk - and talk - Autism, w/adhd and a day of online school = a lot of talking when I get home).Years of moving around as a child - Military Brat, followed by years of being cheated on, and then an extremely abusive marriage, and a drawn out divorce, and being forced to cooperant with my abuser ... I created a bubble. The bubble was to protect the kids and me. It worked - really well. I tried so hard to do everything to keep us safe. And in return, they have thrived, and I have not. 

Aside from my work - which struggles on the social / popularity side. And lets face it - when you are a women in the workforce - you have to have the popular vote to get anywhere. Not just looks, but the popular vote. It really doesn't matter how well you work, how good your work ethic is, you must look good and be really sociable. So that part is a real struggle for me.

So, here I am. 1245 AM, lonely. About to be 33, absolutely NO friends. (Not even exaggerating anymore). I am a divorced, single woman with 3 children. I support my unwell mother, in one of the most expensive cities and once my savings run out out (hopefully I can stretch it another few months) we are looking at homelessness. But because I technically make "too much money" ((still less than 40k)) I don't qualify for anything. The degree of abuse and torture I have endured in my life puts me in a place were any sort of relationship for the sake of the kids / for the sake of owning a home / or a better rental or anything is out of the question. Every time I try to date - I panic. I can feel the strangulation all over again. I had EMDR - It really helped. I was able to function again. I was able to work and take care of my children again. I was able to recall the memory and not full on black out from the panic. 

But, I am no closer now than I was back then to being able to be with anyone. And this is 10 years later.  But sometimes I do wonder - If i could just suck it up - If i could just gather the courage and strength - or maybe there was a different medication I could be on - I could meet someone and make it to the point where we could be sort of happy and get a home? The kids --- I want to give them so much better than I had. After the divorce I knew I needed to do something to make sure they had a good life. I enrolled in college. But I was so young and didn't have any real role models. I was taken for the fool that I was. As I write this I am 89k in student loan debt. It really wont matter how much money I make. I wont ever be able to pay that back. Each year I do the repayment options and each year the gov't tells me I don't make enough money to pay them back. So they put me in the Income repayment bracket and I pay $0. Rumor has it, If I don't default on that for 30 years - My Loans will go away. So In 30 years I can buy a home. That hurts. So Much. 

Make better choices, do better, stupid people get what they deserve, you chose this path, its what you wanted, you get what you deserve. I worked so hard when I was younger. I was so smart. I tried so hard to be everything. I had plans, I had it all mapped out. 

When we were younger - I was asked to stop college to help my brother who had been accepted to an amazing University that my parents were having a hard time paying for. I had chosen to go to a local community college and was paying my way and was going to do the transfer program and that transfer program could have been full ride depending on my grades and grants etc. I quit school. I started working. So my parents could send that money to my brothers school. I had dropped out of highschool, gotten my GED and enrolled into college by 17. ((Military brat - credits didn't transfer and the new highschool was trying to consider me a freshmen. I was in college from 17-18. I was not having any of it). 

By 18 I was working full time to help keep my brother in College. By 19 I was pregnant. by 20 I was pregnant with #2. By 21 I was married. My life spiraled so fast out of control. It took me years to get the logistics of it back on track. By 26 I had 2 college degrees. A good job field. By 28 I realized Something maybe was broken inside of me. By 29 it was more and more apparent but I was becoming really engaged in my kids and my work life. 30-31 I started to focus on my body and my work and my kids. Enter 32 // Covid / Work / Kids / less physical health. Here we are - 33 right around the corner. Crippling Student Loan debt. Zero Friends. 4 Humans Depending on me. I have a pill case. One of those AM/PM ones. People at work report me for RBF. (That one makes me laugh a little).

I just bared my soul to strangers on Tumblr. Is this not the epitome of lonely? 

(Not suicidal)This is probably more cathartic than anything. Maybe?

[wasteteeth-beanjuice]

Ok serious wasteland moment this is fucking rare so enjoy it pissfuckers.

Jesus fucking crust 2020 is almost fucking over and....yeah what the hell, This year has been a wholeass character arc for me and i met alot of badass people here,

First of all I started off being a absolute fuckin nobody who was fresh outta a traumatic event with a toxic ex lover. (you know who you are.) And after that i had to like....find myself again, a rebirth if you will now i had a few phases and met another toxic group that also fucked me up mentally, but nothing really hit til i found....

Him.

It was nearing the end of summer, i had just fallen for my abuser again as she used me and dragged me along for months leaving me feeling very emotionally drained i decided to check out that "dammitgrandpa" game evreyone was talking about. After finishing thh i layed my eyes on what would soon be the fictional character to change my life..yeah i feel kinda stupid dedicating a entite part of this sentimental post to nagito komaeda...but he really did change me for the better or worse, komaeda became my biggest comfort charecter and my highest kin in the span of a month it didnt help i have his fucking luck, (lmfao i almost died lile 5 times this year) but in all reality the danganronpa fandom really helped me cope with all the bullshit i have to deal with at home. I guess this brings me to the next part..

Komapocalypse

I swear on maedas left toe this is one of the best things to happen to me. Running 470/420 has been so much fucking fun and i am not done in the slightest. (Allthough i might take a few breaks to focus on cosplay but we will get to that) after being kicked out of a group for being "annoying" my chaotic emergy took a backseat but here i was being myself for a fucking change and people ENJOYED IT, not to mention all the badass pogchamps i met through this fuckhole of a arg, including the fucker who inspired me to make a longass emotional post (looking at you kaz👁) but in all fucking honestly, thanks guys. I...didnt think i had the strength to cut off my friend of 3 years that was trying to force me into their weird cult, i fuckin love you guys/p

On the topic of love, mmy wife

Txidzud?igdzuydtuzute i was not expecting to have you confess to me the same day my mom tried to hit me with a car but here we are!, jesus fucking crust i fuvkinf love her so much even though its hard for me to be emotionally vulnerable at times, hayley...you really helped make this post apocalyptic timeline great for me, <3

Reaching the end of this fuckpost i just wanna thank the people who dont have tumblr but are equally pogchamp

-My cat raven, yeah i wasnt expecting to find a trashcat this year nor for her to become my best friend but now when i see a dark shape hovering over me i know for the most part its safe!

-the rest of my pets, These fuckers mean the world to me and if anything happens to any of them i will kill evreyone in this world and then myself.

-komaedalovemail (allthough they are on tumblr i highly doubt they will ever see me.) I'm a huge fucking klm fanboy having a picture of fetus hinata taped to my wall and their fucking horrific vibes is what got me to create komaeda470 in the 1st place. Fucking thanks you weird band of pogchamp maedas,

-My cosplay firend group, Yeah I didn't expect clicking on a kokichi cosplayers tiktok live would give me a wierd group of people who all call me uncle but i have adopted all of you and will teach you guys the art of arson, (this includes my child i adopted after they found my 470 blog and was on call with me when i found a dead cat in my driveway and had a panic attack ily/p you're poggers)

-Ezra, bro bro bro bro bro i litterally couldn't make it through this fuckyear without you, i know you think your shit but honestly i look up to you and not just because I'm fucking short as hell. I'm so sorry my annoying ratass with 50 bracelets on each arm bugged you about homestuck almost 3 years ago, you're fucking poggers and im breaking into your house in eather a kokichi or nagito cosplay this weekend,

-ADAM.... YOU SCARE ME SOMETIMES ARE YOU OK??? but you're mister funnyman ig you're pogchamp

With all that sentimental shit outta the way back to your regularly scheduled shitposting love, the omnipotent God of chaos wasteland hope boner nagito komaeda komaouma the 69th~🔥🥩

[bigskydreaming]

Thanks for answering. I was honestly suspicious because her long emotional post seemed familiar in a bad way, multiple fandoms, many experiences with such posts. Still, the way she made it into hashtag male rage hashtag fandom hates poc.. yikes. I'm poc. It surprises me that a poc would defend or justify abusive family dynamics. But not too much lol. The post seems to end with her being the Bigger person and letting it go for her sake so hopefully she wasn't lying about it.

Hahaha boy oh boy was I gonna answer this in spite of saying I was done because that hashtag male rage thing when my anger is pretty much entirely geared around things like my abuse and rape and gaybashing and elements of society/behavior connected to/emblematic of the very same things that led to all that for me, and how much of my anger about things relating to Dick Grayson is because in so many ways he IS me and so the fact that he’s the single most visible, high profile, ACKNOWLEDGED male rape survivor in media and I came to his stories and fandom because it made me feel seen only then to see that no matter how many pretty and sympathetic words people have for the fact that he’s a survivor at the end of the day, there will always be more people more interested in just raping him more, victimizing him more, invalidating his anger over things that are done to him and putting him in a box that says you aren’t allowed to make others uncomfortable ever even if it means that instead you’ve got to just stay right where they put you all tight and uncomfortable and ANGRY without that ever changing and no way for it ever TO change because with everything that’s happened to you you pretty much only have two settings, you’re either angry or you’re fine and if you’re not allowed to be angry well guess that means you gotta be fine except lolol here’s the punchline, you’re not fine but as long as you fake it well enough, nobody really cares but you get angry, wow watch them care then because YOUR anger is never okay, its never valid, it DANGEROUS, its hash tag male rage so shame on you for not pretending it doesn’t exist and hiding it away even when you actually have every fucking reason in the world to be angry because someone HURT you and that’s not fucking okay.....anyway, so yeah that definitely brings some stuff up for me lmao and look at that, I guess I replied anyway but at least its not the big massive epic reply I was composing before I wore myself out last night writing it even though the only reason I decided not to finish it when I got up this morning was because I took one look at it and was just so fucking, endlessly TIRED. 

So....make of that what you will, and just FYI sorry, this isn’t about you anon, just about the fact that there’s a very definitive THING society and media have about male rape survivors and abuse survivors where its not actually that people forget that men can be victims too, its just that most every story about male victims actually just prioritizes the idea that all male victims inevitably go on to victimize others in turn and make it a vicious cycle of abuse and rape so its not that people dont see or absorb stories about male victims all the damn time, its just they dont realize they are because these victims are only acknowledged when or in the context of having ‘inevitably’ become victimizers themselves so the part where its casually mentioned they endured horrific abuse and rape when they were kids is just a footnote nobody actually cares about because they’ve already long since crossed the Rubicon into becoming unsympathetic and lol nobody stops to acknowledge that the decision to never really focus on or acknowledge male victims UNTIL they become victimizers or AS MUCH as the ones who become victimizers is very much a CHOICE that media and society and people all make whether they mean to or not, and we get sent a very clear message from day one, we can either be helpless victims or we can be angry victimizers, there’s no in between, there’s no middle ground, there’s no point where we get to just be victimized and MAD about it and mad about people trying to spin that as proof nothing but our anger matters and that’s the only concern worth acknowledging, certainly not anything we or our anger have to actually SAY and anyway yeah the moral of the story is fucking hell am I tired, I’m going back to bed.

[nerdie-faerie]

After seeing that post about untaught racism in british history and talking to Ana about world history I have come to the realisation of just how shit and lacking our lessons were so here is a rough guide of what everyone I know was taught in history pre-GCSEs in vaguely chronological order cus my memories not that good

ANCIENT EGYPTIANS, then ANCIENT GREEKS and then ANCIENT ROMANS who invaded england to expand the roman empire

the original settlers were the CELTS who were pushed out by the ROMANS who were pushed out by the VIKINGS who were pushed out by the SAXONS leading to the ANGLO SAXONS and the name angloland who were then pushed out by the NORMANS whooo

Brought WILLIAM THE CONQUEOR englands first king after winning the BATTLE OF HASTINGS (we all have the date 1066 imprinted in our heads everything else is irrelevant) and started the DOOMSDAY BOOK

Then everythings kinda irrelevant for a while theres the DARK AGES and the first bought of bubonic plague called BLACK DEATH

Then nothing again until the WAR OF THE ROSES which was won by HENRY 7TH whom we nothing else about except that he was HENRY 8TH’s dad whos claim to fame is having six wives and introducing divorce after changing the religion of england the point in the six wives being that he wanted a son who ended up being super sickly was on the throne young and died young I couldnt tell you which of the KING EDWARD’s he was. then was the nine day queen  LADY JANE GREY who was eds cousin chosen because she shared the same religious views as henry rather than mary. BLOODY MARY then had jane killed changed the countrys religion back and thats the extent of what I know. Next was ELIZABETH 1ST who changed the religion back again (no i dont know which is which one of the christianity branches) and is generally remarked upon for never marrying.

All that happened during the RENAISSANCE you know that period of ENLIGHTENMENT and the FRENCH REVOLUTION? Yeah none of that gets mentioned because england

Then another bought of bubonic plague this time referred to as the GREAT PLAGUE this is the one where they BANNED CATS AND DOGS thus increasing rat populations, BURNED TAR in the streets and PLAGUE DOCTORS which didnt end until the GREAT FIRE OF LONDON

Of course at some point there was the spanish inquisition and Napoleon but thats not england so it doesnt get taught I mean we dont even get taught about wales or ireland and the only mention of scotland is that there were a lot of battles so you can understand why world history gets ignored.

Then everything becomes irrelevant again until the VICTORIAN ERA in which you learn that QUEEN VIC was the longest reigning monarchy and about the INDUSTRIAL REVOLUTION a brief nod to SLAVERY but mainly focusing on the few figures who attempted to abolish it and of course the BRITISH EMPIRE but we dont discus of course how exactly one comes about owning the majoprity of countries did they lose their rights in a bet? doesn’t matter because information would surely demonise england so we dont talk about it. and hey WORK HOUSES were also a thing

And of course FLORENCE NIGHTINGALE was around and doing stuff. And there was that all thing with the ROUNDHEADS and CAVALIERS that happened at some point again hella vague

Then nothing matters until WORLD WAR 1 skipping over the fact that really britain had no need to get involved the whole thing was super convoluted. Then we ignore the ROARING TWENTIES and oh look WORLD WAR 2 lets ignore the fact that germany got the idea of concentration camps from britain and instead talk about how horrific the NAZIS were and how shocking it was that anyone could treat a fellow human being like that *cough cough*

Then a brief brush over the following decades the FIFTIES in which the focus of SEGREGATION is all on america completely ignoring any and all racial issues in the uk. then onto the SIXTIES moon landing then SEVENTIES. But what about  the cold war with america and russia? Who cares wasn’t england. And the international tensions over nuclear war? Not england. What about the assassination of president kennedy? We don’t learn about our own political leader aside from a brief nod to churchil and thatcher so nope. 

And then its present day minus a decade or four but whos counting

So that completes our very shitty guide to English history lessons through the years

[cryptidofthekeys]

Turg and Jim in: The Game Show but Jim makes Turg cheat so he can get all the money

(This is going to be stupid, probs short, and honestly I paused all my wips, that will be MUCH longer than this, just to write Turg Fanfiction, I paused my wwe fanfics for this, ....For T u r g, so naturally it'd be worth it, this isnt going to be like spectacular or anything tbh, its just short and maybe even for practice but either way I hope y’all enjoy... this.)

Turg looked up at the building and tilted his head "Turg in right place?" Jim came up beside him and looked at the building as well, a grin spread across his face "Yes Turg, yes we are! Now remember, here's the deal... You get in there, do all the work for me and win the mon... er... Green paper... And then I promise you'll get the jelly or whatever it was you wanted" Turg suddenly had a goofy smile on his face "Turg win! Turg want jelly!!" He exclaimed, running into the building, Jim chuckling and then quickly sprinting after him, so far so good, hopefully Turg could remember the plan just long enough to win him the money prize.

Turg had headed backstage and one of the employees walked towards him "There you are! You were almost late! And... Oh good lord, you are even more terrifying than I thought..." They sighed and just began walking off "I don't get paid enough for this..." They muttered, meanwhile Turg was just idling in his spot, he didn't really understand what they said but either way, he was more so fixated on the jelly... Jim wanted the green paper stuff and then he'd give Turg some jelly! Speak of the Devil, Jim had appeared behind Turg and placed a hand on his shoulder "Now, just remember the plan... You got this Turg!" Turg had a dopey smile plastered on his face "Believe in Turg?" Jim rolled his eyes, but he put on a smile and nodded "Yeah yeah sure, whatever, now get out there and win me the green paper!"

Turg nodded and before he headed onto the stage, Jim had placed an earpiece in Turg's ear, he had explained this part to Turg who seemed to understand the very basic hopefully, it was just a little... Insurance policy, he of course didn't mention the whole... Cheating part to Turg, otherwise then the other wouldn't have agreed to wear it more than likely, and of course Jim had made the earpiece himself so it was small enough so the host wouldn't see it... Well unless the host got very close and just looked directly at Turg's ear... But it was unlikely they'd do anything like that! And besides, he was going to make one hundred percent sure that he was NOT going to get caught, he needed that money and he'd do anything to get it!

Turg then headed out, waving at all the audience members who gasped in horror at first but then they slowly began clapping, they... They really didn't... Know what to think of this man, er... Monster? Whatever it was coming onto the stage, even the host of the show looked a little... Nervous, they began whispering something into the ear piece, just sighing afterwards and then looking back at Turg and smiling "Hello hello hello! Welcome Contestant Number One! May we have your name please?" Turg walked behind the little table in front of him and looked at the host, still having the dopey smile spread across his face, it seemed like he didn't even really know what was going on "Turg!" The host looked even more confused than they already were "Erm... Is Turg your name?" The other nodded "Turg Turg!" The host didn't want to know, they didn't care about asking, they'd just roll with it "Well uh... Welcome Turg Turg!" The host then moved to the other contestant Turg would be competing against "Annnd Contestant Number Twooo, what's your name?"

"Peyton!" (listen, they dont need a last name its fine and if thats your name by any chance reader, well, im very sorry to put you in this nightmare asjdfklsjhdfksla) The host grinned "Welcome Peyton! Alright audience, now that we've gotten acquainted with our contestants now we can begin the game! Noooww... The rules are simple! Very simple! We'll have fifteen questions, whoever buzzes in and guesses the correct answer wins a point! The person with the most points by the end of things will be the winner! And of course, the prize will be One-Hundred Thooouussaannd Dolllllaaaarrrssss~! Or, if the winner is feeling PARTICULARLY lucky, they will be given a bonus round where they can win even more money! In fact, they'll be winning Four-Hundred Thousand~!" The host glanced at Turg and looked towards the audience "Although... If I could, I'd just pay t h a t thing whatever it wanted just to get out of the building!"

(Jim’s not gonna care much bout the host insulting Turg now if it were him o h b o y- hahaha n o- but in this case like always- he wants money, who cares bout Turg)

Turg still had the smile on his face, as he heard the audience laugh he clapped even though they were technically making fun him, and then the music had cue'd, the host looked down at their paper "Alright! First Question~!" There was a pause before they continued "Can you name the THIRD largest freshwater lake in the world?" Turg had buzzed in, he honestly just pushed the button because it was glowing red, the voice in his ear piece had whispered the answer to him and surprisingly Turg understood "Turg says... Lake... Superior?" The host was surprisingly shocked and so was the other contestant and the audience, there was a dinging noise as the host spoke "Th...That is... Correct...! One point goes to a Mr. Turg Turg~! Wow... You are smarter than you look! And you look... Unholy... Eugh..." Turg just smiled and clapped "Turg do good!" The host nodded "Uh riiight... Anyways, next question! What is someone who shoes horses called?" Turg had managed to buzz in again before Peyton could, maybe it was because Peyton was still stunned at the other's intelligence.

Once again, the voice whispered the answer into Turg's earpiece "Turg think it... Farrier?" A shocked gasp resonated within the building, he was actually getting these correct... The host blinked in surprise "That is... Also... Correct, another point awarded to Turg, bringing him to a total of two~! C'mon Peyton! You should step up your gaaame~!" Peyton nodded, this time they'd buzz in, they were going to be prepared and focused...! "Third Question~! What kind of weapon is a falchion?" This time... Peyton had managed to buzz in "A Sword!" The host grinned and uttered out a correct and the audience and even Turg cheered despite them being correct meant they were one step closer to catching up, Jim was a little bit upset at that... He couldn't let them catch up! He'd think of something if he needed, after all he was one of the smartest people around! The host then cleared their throat before continuing "Alriiighty~! Fourth Question~!"

"What is another word for lexicon?" Turg had once again failed to hit the buzzer before Peyton, he seemed to be distracted at the moment much to Jim's dismay... "A Dictionary!" The host seemed delighted now "Cooorrreect~! Another point for Peyton, its a tie so far ladies, gentlemen, and all non-binary folks!" (yes, the host included nonbinary folk, why? Bc I can and am supportive, thats why) Jim grew angrier at this by the second, not by the host including non-binary folks, no, that's actually progressive and smart, and more game shows should do this, if he ran a game show he would do that ...That'd actually be a good idea, hosting his own game show, he should do that some time, he shook his head, he was losing focus! Anyways, he was angry because the other contestant was slowly catching up, it was almost break time so he had a backup plan already in the works just in case he needed to put a stop to that potential threat, then the host looked at both Turg and Peyton "Fifth Question and then we'll go to a commercial break~! Can you name the seventh planet from the sun?"

Peyton buzzed in "Uhh... Ve-Venus...?" They... Didn’t really know much about planets sadly... A noise played and the host shook their head "I'm sorry but that is iiinnncorrect~! Turg, its onto you~!" Jim once again whispered the answer into Turg's ear "Turg say it Uranus!" A resounding 'ding ding ding!' played "Coooorrreect~! So far, that leaves Turg at three and Peyton at twwooooo~! We'll be right back after these messages folks, stay tuned you don't wanna miss this~!" And with that, commercial break began, the host going off somewhere to get a drink, honestly despite one of their contests looking like a horrific monstrosity, he seemed smart! ...A little too smart for his own good, something was going on... It just didn't add up, how could something that seemed so... Out of it, something that seemed to be lost in its own little world be so smart?! The host would find out the truth soon enough, meanwhile backstage Peyton was sitting down and just thinking, they were unsure now if they could beat Turg... He was smarter than they give him credit for, and speaking of him... Peyton noticed that Turg had sat beside them "Oh, uh, hi Turg!"

Turg gave them a little wave, he seemed to notice their expression and he tilted his head "Turg make sad? Turg make... Uncomfortable?" Peyton shook their head "No no! You uh, didn't make me sad or uncomfortable, I was just thinking... You're really good at this game! I didn't expect it, if I'm being honest... While I would like to win, its been an honor competing against you!" Turg smiled "Turg think you good too! Turg need win though... Jim promise Turg jelly if he wins Jim the green paper stuff! Turg hope you understand" Peyton looked at Turg and blinked, they were a bit confused by that, but it wasn't really any of their business... The host however had overheard their conversation, well... At least they knew he had a motivation now as to why he's doing this, they then walked on back stage, time to look for this... Jim fellow... Maybe chatting with him would give them the answers they seek... They knew spying on others wasn't particularly... A good thing but they needed answers before they continued.

Eventually they had heard someone laughing backstage, that laugh unnerved them immensely, it sounded... unhinged... They crept up and hid behind one of the objects laying around backstage, meanwhile Jim himself was absolutely delighted, he seemed to be on the phone with someone from what the host could tell... "My plan is going so well! And I don't even have to do any of the work either, I'm tellin' ya Grim with the little earpiece I placed on Turg, m y victory is guaranteed~!   ...   What do you mean you don't think it'll work?! Well what do you know anyways?!" Jim hung up on this... 'Grim' person and sighed "I'll show Grim... I'm gonna rub it in his face when this works and I win the money" The host grinned and whispered to themselves "Not if I have anything to say about it... You greedy dirt bag...~" The host flinched as something fell over, this caught Jim's attention and immediately the host had crept away, didn't want the other to catch them in the act! Unbeknownst to them however, it was a little too late, Jim had spotted them right before they could get out of there, he'd definitely have to keep tabs on this one...

(I know the chance im taking by saying you greedy dirt bag but I can assure you I know what im doing by referencing even just a s m i d g e of that)

Meanwhile... The show was coming back on, everyone had gotten back into their places, and then after a countdown from five, the music played and the host had a big grin on their face, they would let the game play out until the end... But they knew what they were going to do, they were gonna expose Turg and Jim like the frauds they were! "Aannnnd we're back ladies, gentlemen, and of course can never forget the non-binary folks out there as well~! Alrighty, so once again, we have Turg in the lead with three buuuut... Peyton's not far behind folks~! They're only a little behind with only two points but they still have a chance to catch up~! From here on out the questions are going to be m u c h harder~! Onto the Sixth Question~! In "Thunderbirds", what was Lady Penelope's chauffeur called?" Peyton buzzed in immediately "Parker!" The audience clapped as the host spoke "Coorrecttt~! Oooh its a tie now~! Turg three and Peyton three! C'mon now Turg, don't let them beat you now, you've come sooo far~!" There was a pause before the next question "Seventh Question~! On "Blue Peter", what was John Noakes's dog called?" Turg buzzed in this time and listened as Jim whispered the answer "Turg says Shep!"

More clapping from the audience "Cooorreecct~! Turg four, Peyton three~! Eighth Question! What is sushi traditionally wrapped in?" It was Peyton's turn now to buzz in "Edible Seaweed!” Another one correct, despite the host knowing that Turg was cheating, this was still all so exciting! "Correct again~! Nineth Question! What is the oldest surviving printed book in the world?" Turg buzzed in this time and took a second as Jim once again helped out "Turg think it... The Diamond Sutra!" Another round of applause and cheers, the audience as loving this! "Correct! Tenth Question~! How tall would a double elephant folio book be?" Peyton buzzed in now "Fifty Inches!" A ding ding ding noise sounded but it was a little drowned out by the audience's cheers and applause "Cooorrrecct~! Alrighty folks, it looks like Turg and Peyton are once again tied! Five to five! Oh the suspense is killing me! Who will win this game and the prize~!" The questions went on and on... Each contestant buzzing in and getting them correct, eventually they came to the final question, the music got much more dramatic than before as the host's voice echoed throughout the building.

"Allriighty! Time for the f i n a l question folks! Among land animals..." The host paused before continuing, just adding to the dramatic flair "What species has the largest eyes?" Both buzzers went off but the host had been paying close attention to whose buzzer went off first and it was... "Turg! Do you have the answer!" Turg nodded, waiting for a few moments, he was a little confused as to why the host was coming in so close to him and looking at the side of his head, the host had seen the earpiece, just like Jim said was there... And they even heard a faint voice now that they were close enough give out the answer "Turg says... Ostrich!" There was a pause, the air was tense with suspension before balloons came floating down, confetti popped and cheery music played "Aaannnd cooonngraaatulations Tuuurrrrrrg! You arree the winner!" Jim immediately came out from backstage, walking up to hug Turg who immediately hugged him back and began clapping.

(lemme tell y’all when I used google to literally fact check every question I got off this one site, I was committed to getting this right, who knows google probs lied on some of them but I did my research as best I could just for this one lil fanfic and its more like a crack fic at this point just thought I’d point that out)

"But wait hold on! There's more folks!" The host immediately grabbed the earpiece from Turg's ear "I was waiting for this for the remainder of the show! Lookie here, lookie here! Turg is no winner folks! But a fraud, this man uh... Jim... has placed a little earpiece device on the ma.. er... monster... thing, whatever he is! He has been whispering the answers into Turg's ear! Their nothing but cheaters the both of them!" The audience along with Peyton had gasped, and then the audience started booing, Turg was confused however and just tilted his head until he heard the word cheater and looked back at Jim "Turg... cheat...? Turg do bad?!" Uh-Oh... Now Jim was caught, he didn't want to have to do this but his hand was forced ...Oh who was he kidding, he would LOVE to do this any day of the week! He brought out The Book of Chaos and began reciting something from the book, meanwhile the host was just speaking out towards Peyton and the audience "Sooo it looks like Peyton's the winner folk-" They paused as they looked back towards Jim, eyes widening in horror as they saw the man... Floating...?

His eyes looked demonic as he kept chanting the words from the book in an entirely foreign language, and just then... Fires consumed the host and began spreading rapidly, the exits were engulfed in flames in no time, and the screams of everyone echoed throughout the building, people trying desperately to find a way out, or the others who caught on fire trying to put themselves out, meanwhile Jim was casually whistling as he walked over and swiped the money, he should have just done this in the first place, it would have been so much easier! It's always easier to murder and steal than to... Okay well he didn't really play by the rules either he pretty much cheated at that too, either way! He got the money, and now he was happy, he grabbed Turg by the arm and just like that they were teleport-ed out of the building, Jim had only teleport-ed them a good bit away, he DID want to watch the building burn to the ground at the very least.

(listen, Idk how many powers Jim has- but if he can set people on fire, give them death kisses, and god knows what else he can teleport if he wants)

Turg was sitting on one of the parking blocks away from Jim, looking down at the ground, he was... Awfully quiet for once which made Jim look over and raise a brow "What's wrong with you?" Turg didn't speak, he just kept his gaze on the ground, he didn't want to watch the building burn unlike Jim, who blinked in surprise... This was the quietest Turg had been pretty much ever, so Jim was confused before he realized, was Turg... Angry with him...? "Look, Turg, I had to do what I did, I needed the green paper, the money! I needed to insure we won! Otherwise I couldn't have gotten you jelly!" There was a long moment of silence before Turg spoke up "You make Turg cheat, you make Turg do bad thing... You make Turg e v i l... Turg not forgive Jim... Nuh-uh..." Jim rolled his eyes "Come on Turg... It's not THAT bad! I could've made ya do w o r s e you know..." The sound of the entire building beginning to collapse took Jim's attention and the pair sat in silence, watching the building begin to fall in on itself, not a soul seemed to make it out of there...

Except... Oh no wait! There was somebody crawling out and away! Turg seemed to stand up at this and squint, he could see... It was Peyton! "That Peyton! Person Turg was competing against!" Jim looked ahead "Well, what a surprise! They made it out alive! ...A witness I'll have to make sure doesn't tell anybody who caused this..." He whispered the last part to himself, watching as Turg rushed off in Peyton's direction, once he got there he helped Peyton up who looked back at Turg "Ugh... Tu..Turg...? What... What are you doing here? Why did you come back...?" Turg looked at Peyton as he helped them to their feet "...Turg have something to say... Turg sorry... Jim made Turg do bad, Jim made Turg do evil thing... Jim... Lied to Turg..." Peyton looked at the other, they felt... Rather bad for him... He was manipulated into doing someone else's dirty work... "It's... It's alright Turg... Honest, I forgive you... You were tricked into doing something you would have never if you knew what it was, right?" Turg nodded "Turg never want to cheat, never want to be bad! Turg want good! Turg do good!"

Peyton nodded and smiled "Yeah... That's what I thought..." Before Peyton could say anything else, Jim had came over and immediately they backed away, Turg noticed this and stood in front of Peyton "Jim you go away! Turg protect new friend! They good, they kind!" Jim sighed "Turg, I'm not going to hurt them, I... eugh... I promise, and I would n e v e r break a promise!" That was a lie but... Turg was extremely gullible and he seems to believe this luckily for him... "I just need to talk to them for a second..." Turg slowly nodded and stood out of the way, but he was still going to stick close by, sure, there was no way he could or would hurt Jim, even if he did make him do a bad thing... Turg was a pacifist! But he would protect his friend in... SOME way... Jim had grabbed Peyton and pulled them close "Look, you can't tell anybody who did this... If you do, I'll kill you too, understand?" Peyton looked at Jim, and sure, that threat was terrifying but... They wanted to try something "...I'll keep quiet about this situation... Under one condition, just... hear me out..." Jim was silent, staring at Peyton in confusion "Go get your friend, Turg, some jelly... And APOLOGIZE to him...! He's very upset with you and rightfully so...!"

Jim groaned in frustration "Ugh, f i n e...! Fine...! If it'll make you and him get off my case about it and if it'll keep you quiet I'll go get him some damn jelly but I swear, if you go tell anybody after this... I'll-" Peyton cut him off "I won't, I swear it... Just if you do this ONE thing..." And with that Jim was off, and then Peyton sighed deeply, they were so thankful he was gone now... And he wasn't that close to them, after all, being near that man considering he just set the building on fire, killed multiple people and almost killed them as well, it was terrifying to even look at him... Turg though, they just wanted him to be happy, and not be sad or upset about this... Turg tilted his head "Jim... go away...? Just like... that?" Peyton nodded "He'll uh, be back soon... He needed to do something I think... For now let's just... Sit here, and talk for awhile..." and so both Turg and Peyton sat there, talking away and getting to know each other, it was almost nighttime when Jim came back, a large plate of jelly which made Turg's eyes light up, however, this could just be another trick, he turned away and kept his eyes away from the plate.

Jim looked at Peyton who encouraged him to go on... He took a deep breath and came closer to Turg "...Turg... Listen... I'm... I'm sorry about earlier, I'm sorry I lied to you and used to in order to gain profit, I shouldn't have done that ...To you anyways... So I uh, bought you some jelly... Just like I said I would... So uh, yeah..." Jim realized how... Awkward he sounded, he had never really apologized for anything before so this was a weird... Thing, either way, all he needed was Turg to forgive him and that was it... Turg was silent for a few minutes, his eyes slowly drifting back toward the jelly, no matter how many times he tried to resist he just couldn't help it, he grabbed the plate and immediately started consuming the jelly, he was about to consume the plate as well but Jim took it back from him "No no, let's uh, n o t eat the plate in front of your little friend there! That's uh, impolite or whatever!" Turg nodded and there was a long pause before Turg smiled "Okay... Turg forgive Jim...! Jelly was good!" Jim might not be... The best... But he at least honored his word of getting him some jelly!

It was a win in Turg's head at least, meanwhile Jim was just thankful that mess was over with, now he wouldn't have to deal with Turg being mad at him, and of course more importantly, Peyton wouldn't tell a soul now, it was set in stone! "We uh, should be getting home... It's late and some of us want to sleep" Turg nodded and turned back to Peyton "Turg's friend want stay? With us?" Peyton looked at Jim and then back at Turg "Aha no... No thank you... I've got my own place but don't worry Turg, I'm sure we'll see each other, I can uhhh... Come visit, whenever you'd like!" This made Turg smile and let out a series of... weird noises, but they sounded like happy ones! He looked thrilled which Jim immediately ruined the mood "Alright, alright, very touching, we're going now" Turg waved bye before being teleport-ed away with Jim... While Peyton didn't like Jim at all in the slightest, they would however be more than happy to visit Turg whenever he wanted...

The End.

I’ve never used “The End” I dont think in any of my stories but for once- there it is, it makes a cameo-

... I swear I tried my best y’all, you can tell happy endings eugh, arent my strong suit, but oh well no matter

[gayspock]

also ohhh by the way vis a vis black sails i dont thinkive done asilly little check-in post in a while so :3

FIRDTLY i am enjoying it so f- OH GOOD HEAVENS....

TUMBLT DO NOT TURN MY POINTS INTO - oh fine. sniff. ythats sick though. that makes my thoughts look wayyyy too official i only even bop thrm with a dash bc theyre just disjointed silly little things, heavens above!

but firstly: yes well i am enjoying it!! I THINK... hm. it hasnt gripped me! THATS NOT IN A MEAN-MEAN WAY- i think its just you know, not making me obsessseeddddd, which is quite the shame. there's some really good fucking stuff in here, is the thing and some good fucking characters but i think, perhaps, my one issue with the show is... there's some really mediocre connective tissue? which- really isnt a horrific ISSUE its just kind of dragging it down a bit. and it's, like, mostly TOTALLY inconsequential stuff but it accumulates and i think, if there was some polishing and this thing was REALLY TIGHT, then god... god this would fuck so so fucking GOOD. and again thats not to say it doesnt- i am liking it so far, im just like well :3 an episode...

like, for example: there's certain characters i dont care much for. certain plot points i dont care much for. certain executions im very lukewarm on. and lots that i DO care for. i feel as if... if this were tighter somehow, i'd be more into it, but also im not SO sure what it is i would cut out ... like its just like. god if we got to FOCUS more on these specific things, i'd be obsessed- but also i dont know how that would work without compromise of other things i like. so im like hm hmm hmm. like- i called it connective tissue, yeah? bc that's what it is- like all the stuff.. that's fitting ALL the stuff together. ehhh. im like ehhh! youknow? EHH?

like i think flint is, perhaps, like the BEST example of like: i want to be so obsessed with you (ESPECIALLY what they're doing with him in S2!!! moves in the right direction) but still feel like... we don't get enough to bring it, bring it home. perhaps i just need to sit tight a bit longer- bc again this isnt the "oh, death sentence!" its just like a well uhm i would have to liked to have seen it now !

and i think one another issue is, that im having with the show, is sometimes help..... i'll admit: there's random side characters i lose track of. any older white guy? hell- any white guy that isnt one of the MAIN white guys ... he just kinda fades into the bg for me. andTHATS SOOOO a me thing. but also help. i want to be intrigued more by internal politics of nassau - i really do - but i do kind of... lose threads when guys show up and im like wuh huh.

WHICH, sspeaking of: as i said with flint, i like what theyre doing so far with him in s2! I REALLY like it. showing a bit more of his past- but also showing more of him... as a captain? and what it really means to have influence, and to command people and to have that authority over them.

which speaking of, speaking of: is funnily enough... ONE point of disappointment: dufresne. and i know there was some other issues (i saw abt his actor whilst reading up abt him :(... honestly such a fucking shame) so im conscientious of that,and i realise that must have affected SOME ofit... to the extent, i don't know if we know!? as in- dont know what the writers have said about that, and i dont know how much im comfortable speculating on what-ifs there BUT.... YEAH. SAD. i really liked him, i did- but mmmm. there was something so rushed about his "arc" and kind of a shame, you know? hell- i was so fucking into it, into this idea of HIM becoming the captain of all things and i dont say it was OOC but then the actual ... way it was executed and played out. maybe it WAS the replacement actor who dropped the ball with it, i dont know, but it was like... there was a lack of something, you know? because again- i dont think him stepping up could be OOC, that he WOULD act so drastically, that he had the moral compass to act like that and to respond to flint like that in the aftermath of what he went through. makes a hell of a lot of sense. BUT also i dontknow- it feels like.. it wasnt right, in its execution- i feel as if... there was a lack of that conflict within him played out. and it, again, could be actor issues- the new guy not delivering, or hell them intentionally scaling back on him bc they just wanted him to fade out more organically but hm... i dont know. either way the point is it felt... like they put out a good character, gave him a really good scene, and it just sort of flittered out? shame

and i SAY this bc. shite why was i SAYING this... bc it DID sort of set the stage for Flint, and for demonstrating him well, and.... i think THATS what some of the trouble is, sometimees? sometimes? characters used, and introduced solely to demonstrate another character- which is FINE, yknow, and things like that happen aaalllll the timeeee in media yes sireee but sometimes- you know, i dont know. it does have a certain inelegance, a certain clumsiness - because obviously ideally you arent just setting up characters to develop others, etc. butlike... mm. like in general there's, again, one or two one note guys floating about- which again WILL always happen, you know- but they'll get... a LOT of screen time for who they, because theyre obviously advancing the plot along in nature, and then its like oh well ehrm YAH?

the other guy tht comes to mind is uh. that unsavoury cunt from s1- you know... who i mean, i presume... who was unkind towards max. i dont remember his name- truthfully dont FEEL like giving him one. but its like: obviously, freaking god, i dont want him to have a sympathetic angle. when it comes to guys like that- i'd much prefer a one note guy, to some godawful attempt to build depth into him, bc if ur clumsy it just reads as whatever. like fucking hell. but STILL- it does leave him feeling (and i do wince at this word for him- sorry) a bit cartoonish, like... yeah. this dude fucking SUCKS! he walks out and he SUCKS! and he just does BAD SHIT! now he can DIE to cause us PROBLEMS. like that's- again its all well and good, but it does seem to also be happening with the new bloke being introduced THIS season. and so the issue is- you know... characters brought in for, like, purely functional purposes? or being turned into- like dufresne... it feels eh to me.

and again. its like i dont want the shitty guys to have a sympathetic spin on them and i'd rather them be just straight up cunts than them do a clumsy attempt at making them more. but i think- you know, that's why i LOVE what they did with dukat in deep space nine. like fucking hell. he had a lot of depth- but he was the fucking worst guy around. like they showed what shitty people REALLY are like, irl. they arent just guys who do bad shite for the sake of it. but theyre guys who actively choose to be the worst fucking people - and they convince themselves of it all, sooo hard - and there's no "oh, they did this bc THEY had to! no choice! they were raised wrong, etc.!" bc whilst those can be factors its like. at the end of the day? dukat thought himself better than others; dukat was selfish and power hungry and did not want to sacrifice his positions of power; and it lead to some godawful perceptions he had on the bajorans, and he treated them shittily because of that .... and itmakes no apologies about that. but it shows like his thought process, exactly this that and the other, and its fucking horrible. as it should be, bc thats what oppressors ARE irl. theyre not some guys lead down the wrong path... they DO actively choose to be like that, for their own gain, bc they value it more than the livelihoods of others and i think sooo often ppl try to make the worst fucking ppl sympathisable and its like. fucking come on man. idc.

anyways what was i saying. yes. my point is- you can GIVE shitty guys some depth, have them be characters, rather than vague antagonistic forces to work against and to advance issues within a story, yah? its possible! but idk- it feel slike black sails does just... fall into that problem sometimes, mmm. which is a shame! it is! bc like i said- god, i really do like a lot of the other stuff theyre laying out... but when u just. idk. theres a lot of mediocre ppl dumped into this story that idc for that much is all. anyways positivie s tho bc

i like anne a lot. like i do. i said the show doesnt drive me crazy cuckoo bananas- well its true, but when i see anne she does to me. its that moment of mmm. :3 the perfect little sweet spot thats ENTIRELY appealing to some specific personal tastes of mine so hiyyaaaa anne. bestie anne. you and your girlfriend and your.... eyebrow raise boyfriend. your pet little he/they for you to carry around in your purse. LIKE IM LOVING ALL OF THEM- jack, anne, and max... theyre my faves. my ride or dies.

other than them i loved gates so bad. i knew he was sort of doomed from the start- like his character.. YEAH. YOU COULD FUCKING TELL. so i just sort of held on there with him and got shocked nonetheless when he died. i also loved billy. no idea what theyre gonna do with him going forward- but im SO intent with it like ooey ooey... I HOPE they do well with him.

(though maybe thats another issue? i dont know- its like... theres a PACING thing going on here ad maybe it relates to the above. im not sure. its like ithink this works as being fast paced- but also it feels like its taking some weird slow moments and its like god i dont know. maybe its the rate im watching it at- or maybe its ME, bc i know i have problems with ehrm. time. in general - but i feel like i havent seen billy in fucking forever... that he's been unresolved for forever. which is weird. its been like half a season. but still eh. you know!??)

and who else. i said i liked flint- but i fucking LOVE thomas even more... nand yep. yep god. okay. god bless those fucking men i can so easily goinsane if we get to see more of them - it has to be said - and if they are going about things well enough of course.

and then eleanor? I THINK ITS ODD- I THINK... characters like her, in general? god i do like them- but i do feel as if my like for them is more of a: upon reflection, yes..... do you know what i mean? shiv and helly from succession are two that come to mind: girlbosses i cannot relate to on any sort of level, but when i step back from the work and get to really appreciate the decisions they made... yeah. loving it.

BUT: i dont know how i feel about her and max? i mean- look, im not a shippy guy in THAT sense you know... just eh. dont know how i feel- i know they were together and loved each other and liked their chemistry well enough, but we're obviously seeing the unfortunate side of their relationship here. so im like lukewarm - potentially turned off a little? which - i dont say that in a... OK. thing is: i dont really care for it, ever, when a character is SO dedicated and lovestruck by another but we dont really get to see A LOT of why that is. and i get why that is some with max and eleanor- we see bits of it! but also again we are seeing a LOT of the unfortunate side and so its like... eh. you know. WHAT they were to each other god thats so sweet- but the story we're getting now is the sadder partofthat.

and . what did i say: OH I SAID TURNED OFF BY IT. YES . WELL. to elaborate more- bc im obviously not like... turned off by two ppl not being together any more its not thatits the. ok we have to bring him up. fuckin charles. mixed feelings on the cunt. bc him and max had a little exchange just now like goddd we're so in love with that girl- and its like with them both im just like . i dontknow. i dont care for it, sometimes? MAYBE ITS IKE- im not... obsessed with romantic plotlines, or at least not ones where the romantic foot is put before the other one. i love stories wherein romance emerges between the characters. but if the driving factor is: oh these guys are in LOVE! we're both so blindly in love with ealanor. full stop it doesnt do much for me. shruggie shrug. and i think theres enough surrounding max and eleanor that its not LIKE that- but itdoes sometimes give me a bit of an ehhh whatever cmon keep it moving girlies....

but yeah. freakin charles. i ahve my finger on him- bc i think he IS the more "antagonisitic" freak with some depth to him, that could have frankly been used this entire time rather than introducing new ones for like the purposes of the story... but its like idk. again with the introducingnew guys- i suppose they did that, in a way to sort of soften his presence which. againjust makes me eh? bc like-i did not like his behaviour towards eleanor to begin with and i certainly did not fucking like what he did to max. bc yes theyre all god damn pirates; yes theyre fucking horrible and yes theyre operating within a system that perpetuates that horrific nature, makes it all feed into each other... but yeah, its p obvious when youre being a bit of a fucking CUNT even within the space you're put in babygirl. m. and its like- i have a cerain OWRRY with him... that they're going to try and sympathise with him more which. im not saying they CANT do- that they cant od redemption arcs with guys that have done what they did- but it does make me nervous a little. i do like his character, though, with some reservations there- like... i do think that he is a guy written well thus far its just. a tipping point thats VERY very delicate and yah. make him go through the fucking ringe.r then we will see.

anyway do i have any other thoughts god i dont know

im just finished s2e4. its odd. i thought there were so many mre episodes- why did i convince myself there was seven fucking seasons of 24 each? thats half the reason why i put it off so long- nutno girl help...

anyways maybe it will send me crazy insane more as i go forward. it DOES have the potential to for suresies! :3 but also idk. im thinking abt what to watch next? yah.... smile.

[qqueenofhades]

I know you dont watch GoT anymore. And that Braime and Sansa are your favorites. But I know you've read the books and are obviously really interested in the story. And I was just wondering what your thoughts are on the whole Jon killing Dany thing? Is that something you can see happening in the books? And if it is do you think it'd be in the same context as the show did it?

Ahaha, welp. Just jumping right in there.

(Also, you never have to apologise for asking GOT/ASOIAF questions. I obviously have been a fan for 16 years and wrote fuckin’ TNR with its half-million-plus words, so I clearly do have Thoughts on the story/characters, especially with the bag of lukewarm cat vomit that was s8 of the show.)

I already answered this ask discussing how much I hated the Mad Queen Dany thing, both because a) it was horrifically badly handled and b) these mediocre misogynist douchegobblers have managed to outdo themselves in terms of the gross messages they’ve sent about women, after 8 seasons of that. (These are the same people who made Sansa say that she was grateful for her rapes and who claimed that Dany’s turn into madness was foreshadowed by her having a “chilly” reaction to the death of her abuser, Viserys, in s1, so…. make of that what you will.) I’m not saying that it was narratively impossible, especially since GRRM has been toying with the same thing in the books and has more than his own share of Male Author Syndrome. But at the start of 8x04, Dany is in Winterfell, perfectly sane, toasting Arya as hero of the battle. By the end of 8x06, she’s crazy, a war criminal, and dead, murdered by her boyfriend, because… well, something something plot reasons. Even if you didn’t like Dany or were rooting for her to go mad or whatever, that was wildly badly handled.

I personally think it would be pretty gross for GRRM to also go down the Mad Queen route, though at least if he does, we will have had Dany’s POV chapters beforehand and presumably something resembling a justification and a building narrative momentum toward it. But she also got stuck in Meereen for so long because by his own admission he didn’t know what to do with her there or how to get her out of the situation and moved onto Westeros, which remains, theoretically, her outstanding goal in the books. It would obviously not be outside the realm of possibility for this to happen, given GRRM’s focus on “grittiness” that the show took to max factor 5000. I would still find it reductive and trying to make a Clever Postmodern Point and etc if it happened in the books, because literally why invest us in a character this long, especially one who has tried so hard to overcome the circumstances of her past/to not be her father, and then just do exactly that? Obviously there would be elements of Shakespearean tragedy to it, and if done well it could be compelling, but I personally just have a different approach to fiction and what people want out of a story (especially one now as famous as GOT/ASOIAF and how universally betrayed everyone seems to feel by the ending). I’m not saying Dany’s ultimate ending needs to be sunshine and roses and getting what she wants, because often character arcs and resolutions become all the more powerful for being subverted and thwarted (think the “I said I wanted [x] but [y] was there instead” sort of endings). But whatever it is, it needs to be…. not that.

Also, Jon in both books and especially show has been the epitome of Mediocre White Man. I stopped watching in s4, but Kit Harington’s acting was so wooden and the writing for him was very much Standard Misunderstood Brooding Fantasy Hero that I could barely pay attention to his scenes. I find him somewhat more interesting in the books, though ADWD dragged for everyone and it was obvious GRRM was writing in circles. But everyone has noticed that especially in the show, Jon does absolutely bupkis. His ass is constantly saved by the women in his life, he makes an absolute hash of any power that he is given and doesn’t want it anyway, and his ultimate ending was…. going back to the Night’s Watch (as their idea of satisfying narrative storytelling is to literally put everyone back where they were in the very first episode, apparently). Never mind the fact that there’s no need for the Night’s Watch, but the point is, even the fact that Jon is Rhaegar and Lyanna’s son ended up being relevant for like half an episode. That has been one of the major plot points/secrets of the books (although not so much anymore) and it just…. fizzled out like a damp squib. Dany actually TRIED for multiple seasons to be a good ruler and to learn how to handle power and become a queen, so for her to have to be the one to die for Jon to once again do diddlysquat is… well, as I have said before, the misogyny leaps out. They ended up wasting so much potential and so many other things that were also foreshadowed (and far more convincingly than “wah wah she was gonna go evil!”). For this? So Jon can just go brood in the snow again? Cool.

Not to mention, I find it gross on principle that Dany’s boyfriend had to be the one to kill her, especially after rape/sexual violence/loss of agency was such a big part of her early-season storylines (and how horrifyingly and grossly that has been handled on the show overall). We’re obviously supposed to sympathize with Jon in this scenario and to feel that it is justified to “stop a tyrant” or whatever. Also, if the episode was going to be called “Queenslayer,” why the fuck wasn’t it Jaime fulfilling the valonqar prophecy, another thing they forgot about, and killing Cersei, at great personal grief/cost, to once more stop an insane monarch from burning down King’s Landing? But that, of course, would be actual character development/overall arc, and they preferred to also trash that by having Jaime “killed Aerys Targaryen literally to save half a million innocent people and lived with his reputation being destroyed ever after” Lannister unironically claim that he never cared about the lives of the innocent and only wanted Cersei. After she again tried to kill him and Tyrion like three days ago, not even to mention what they did to Brienne and with that whole arc, but I will have a ragestroke if I think about it too much. 

Basically, the ending wasn’t “bittersweet.” It was tragic, reductionist, ham-handed, hugely disappointing for everyone who put years of investment into these characters, and ended up in the amusing position of making Bran Stark the younger and more beautiful queen who comes to cast Cersei down. He became king because… reasons? Whatever? And he knows literally everything about everyone thanks to being the Three-Eyed Raven, so there’s no way that can go horribly wrong. He has basically done nothing except sit in a wheelchair and look creepy for several years now, his arc has never been remotely about being king, and Isaac Hempstead-Wright himself is apparently on record as saying he genuinely thought it was a joke script when he read it. This after both Emilia Clarke and Kit Harington broke down over learning what happened to their characters/Kit apparently realized it for the first time at the read-through and was horrified. Emilia already talked about wandering for five hours and having a crisis and calling her mom and asking to be talked off the ledge like….. fictional choices/characters completely aside, that’s a gross thing to do to your actors. I know they’re all proud of their work and they have apparently and understandably been defensive about the existence of the petition to rewrite s8, but they’ve all been pretty clear, while still being professional and supportive, that there is stuff that they’re just as much WTF about as we are.

Basically, as everyone keeps saying, the acting, cinematography, visual effects, music, etc was clearly up to as high a standard as ever, but was betrayed fundamentally and comprehensively by this god-awfully shit writing by a couple of hacks who clearly rushed the final season to get on to ruining working on Star Wars. They have also been on record about saying “you can’t do what the audience expects or it’ll get boring blah blah blah,” which is a profoundly flawed storytelling strategy if you’re paranoid and trying to outsmart your audience and do something that nobody has ever thought of because you’re an Intellectual Postmodern Commentator On Our Violent Society. If your audience can guess where a story is going, but are still surprised by major twists along the way that then make sense in hindsight, you’ve done your job. If you’re relying on grimdark and cramming in gimmicky plot twists and deus ex machinas and Shocking Moments rather than authentically developing your story, it’s going to bite you in the ass in a big way, as was just proven. 

Nobody expected a completely happy ending from GoT. But the fact that they went to such lengths, especially in s8, to build up characters/ships (Jonerys, Braime, Gendrya were all torched after major canon moments completely unexpected by fans, especially the latter two – why even include it unless to just be more Tragique, and Gendrya is the only one that has even a chance in the future since half of it didn’t end up idiotically dead) and then just wrecked all of it…. as I’ve said, good endings don’t need to be rainbows and unicorns and kittens. But if you’ve asked eight years of audience investment, there has to be something that makes it worth it and that doesn’t make everyone feel like they were duped and stupid to get involved in the first place. They have been beating the “it’s a hard world and bad things happen to the characters” drum for all they’re worth, but… it’s just bad. You can analyse and ask why the hell they did things and so forth, but it’s bad. At this rate, the show should have either ended after 8x03, or they should have taken the money HBO offered and done the proper 10 episodes and let Bryan Cogman write all of them. He was the only one who appeared to remotely give a shit about the characters, and since D&D wrote the last four episodes themselves, yeah, this disaster is on them.

Fortunately, I left the show years ago and have TNR and am used to ignoring their version of things. And I knew all along that they never really got the characters or the story. But I feel really bad for everyone who has had this thrown back in their face, and it seems like a communal disenchantment with this ending is going to enter the pop-culture consciousness on a possibly unprecedented level. So if GRRM does do the Mad Queen Dany killed by Jon in the books (though he has apparently called the show’s ending “traumatic”), I’ll probably still not like it. He has a chance to sell me it on/justify it to me narratively, which the show categorically failed to do. I don’t think I will, just because as I said, I don’t like anything about it, but yes.

Anyway. This is a long post already, and I probably have more to say still, but it’s pretty obvious I think it’s just really, really bad, and that’s about the essence of it.