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the-lancasters · 3 days

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Norrington Palace and a location outside of Windenburg

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Transcript under the cut

Margaret is sitting alone, clearly waiting for someone. Victoria comes in with Sarah.

Victoria: But why did Robert ask-

Oh. Margaret.

Margaret: Victoria.

Sarah: Did you need anything to eat or drink ma’am?

Victoria: No, I’m fine.

Sarah: Then I will be right outside when you are finished.

Victoria: So, how are you-

Margaret: Do you know what this is about?

Victoria: No he didn’t say.

More silence until Robert enters

Margaret: There you are! What is this about Robert?

Robert: I’m sorry for all the cloak and dagger but I needed to talk to you both, away from prying eyes. I need your help.

Victoria: Help with what?

Robert: Alex and I are going to go to Tartosa and elope before the public wedding.

Victoria: (stricken) What? Are you crazy? Your father is going to go nuts. If this gets out-

Robert: Obviously we are not going to tell him. But I need your help to pull this off – well actually, I need the help of your staff. Sarah is scary efficient, and Katherine will be able to meddle in the Goldsborough Palace office since she is still based over there.

Margaret: This is a big risk you are taking for Alex. If he finds out he could make things very difficult-

Robert: I know. But for Alex and I to have any type of future together, I need to do this for her. I need to prove I’m on her side.

Margaret: You are such a big softie [rolls eyes]

Victoria: You would do this for Alex?

Robert: Yes. I would do anything for her.

Victoria: Then Sarah is at your disposal. Margaret: As is Katherine. What else can we do to help?

--

Sarah: We have a slim window to pull this off. The King and Queen are going to Etrium to see Queen Mary for four days at the end of next week

Katherine: Next week!

Sarah: You can look over the programme yourself, but this is the best option I’ve identified

Emma: They will be on board with a sooner rather than later plan. It gives less time for anyone to find out. Now, Robert has sorted the first step and arranged for the use of Arthur Harrington's private jet.

Sarah: Perfect.

Emma: He has also sorted the venue. Villa Aroha is discreet, available, and has the ability to host the ceremony, reception and has suitable accommodation.

Sarah: Victoria and Alexandra can sort the dress this week. No time for something to be made, but Victoria is determined to sort something out.

The most crucial part is not letting the King find out what's going on as he will certainly ruin it.

Yvonne: My advice is to hand pick the Protection Officers that you trust for next week. They will be key to it not going further up the chain that way - I can help with the request through Police

Anne: Then the transport records need to be altered.

Katherine: I can do that. Tate in the transport office has asked me out a few times - I think its time for another date.

Yvonne: Then figure out the cover for each family member - something outside Windenburg so it explains their absence but not something all together. Obviously.

Anne: I’m sorry but I need to head off - The Queen is heading out in a couple of hours to Lancaster Palace

Sarah: Okay, we’ll re-group in three days and update with our progress.

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marsneedstherapy · 1 year

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being able to read flf then lvc then fhh without any waiting in between is so perfect and satisfying

#readinv lvc rn #ive loveddd rereading all of secret shanghai in one go #its still crazy to me that i can actually do this #i started reading tvd on Saturday and now im reading lvc on tuesday #thats crazy #chloe gong #secret shanghai #foul lady fortune #foul heart huntsman #last violent call

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marsbotz · 1 month

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whats ur fucking deal

#GGGRRRRRRGRRRR GGRGAGGHHH #despicable me #maxime le mal #felonious gru #gruxime #spread the word.#pre transition maxime if anyone gaffffffff #realising i can just draw shit and not have to explain myself or provide full context. awesome (provides anyway)#non descript minion. i like the idea that they go to school w gru in like shifts each week #maxime has a cokcroach ☝️ on his shoulder #they look so fucking stupid next to each other i cant get them to look normal. sorry gru ur built so weird #i need to do more kinda doodly stuff and not alwayssss full pieces #this uniform is pretty cute btw but strange that the trousers and skirt colours r different?#i mean actually. my school did that at one point but its still odd to me #btwwwwww design notes.#was torn abt giving gru his scarf but i thought it wld clash too much. for me i feel the tie serves the same purpose #looking at the One scene we see the uniform it seems the dress code is… not soooo tight? but this is also 30/40 yrs prior soooo idk #(also yeah debatably the uniform wld have been different. but fuckkkk that shit)#forrrrr maxime i like to think his glasses r like actually prescription but he uses tinted ones bc 1. he saw nefario once and was like #‘FUCKKK THATS KINDA CRAZY COOL’ and stole the idea #and also 2. he is light sensitiveeeeeee. :3 #gloves r again mostly cus of sensory issues but also this kinda body dysmorphia thing he has going on #samew the socks.#was considering tights buttttt i didnt see any of the students wearing them and also booooo tights suck. so just knee length socks #so he can get around dress code andddd still cover up more #plusssss it lets him not have to shave his legs :T #shoes i didnt see any pattern i assume u can just wear whatever lollll #i give him a hairclip toooooo just cus theyre cute. and put some greeeeen in itttt #btw drew the minion w the gay flag then realised it wldnt make sense w maxime being pre transition but #i think its funnier to imply the minion just sees right thru him immediately

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p1x1x · 4 months

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#momonina #kindof. embarrassed to post this one bc its just pure fluff lmao… theyre so LAME in this pic (/j)#i can hear mmk going ったく…#nn’s outfits are always soooo cute though #waaaaaah i love the fashion….#miiiight color it though..#edit incoming #future pix here #mmnn #<- decided the drawings of the two of em can have momonina in them but if it leans more romo than plato it has mmnn #bc i rotate them in my head so fast #but as the days pass i get really crazy over them being Not Romantic but still More than That #im losing my Mind tbh #the only thing im certain of is that mmk is definitely a lesbian all things considered like look at her LMAO #everytime i rewatch i do consider how gay her actions are...???#(i've been rotating mmnn around in my mind since ep 1 tbh... the codependency was tempting...!)#but i keep thinking abt mmk herself saying “i saw my past self in you” in like. ep 2 already... and it would linger in my mind #i had written in my notes a While back #like when ep 4 was airing #that it just felt like mmk was trying to be kind to her past self ykno #because she believed that the her now... had failed in her dream #so yknow... by giving the guitar she was trying to have nn continue that dream for her (leading into mmk “guiding nn”)#ofc nn gives back her guitar though and i thank that person on twitter everyday for putting it so well #LIKE AGHHH THEIR MEETING WAS FATE BUT THE ACTIONS THEY TOOK TO PULL EACH OTHER UP... KILL ME!!!!#the choices they make regarding themselves... of staying true to themselves... hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhgjhg #idk how many people will see this edit so im just treating it like the void (haha Void) here #(i've made that joke multiple times to myself now #i still think about. how mmnn were drawn to the honesty of each other #and yet. didnt exactly recognize each other as an actual person yet?#nn loved void and so loved mmk for creating it and saving her life. so mmk was a savior to her

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beescake · 6 months

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@heydevi bro...... fellow understander...... still not over ur gmod solkat theyre so hrhgrbhggfngh 🥺🤲

#fhgghg i love infecting spreading the disease #slkt literally makes me so ill i'd randomly bolt up in bed like #oh my god......... its. so crazy raw to be abruptly left silent in a room full of your formerly loud and chaotic friends #now reduced to a litter of mere corpses. freshly killed and still bleeding they'd died for such trivial reasons #and all you can do is cling to the only other warm figure in the room who's wounded and unconscious but thankfully breathing #the other lone survivor...... mind blank with panic you drag him with you and fucking run #they're insane. i think abt them every day and still shock myself w how insane this ship is #slkt's relationship around fatalism and mortality is unlike any other hs pair it's actually funny they get dunked on so much by the story #bcs when shit starts hitting the fan they're always trying so damn hard to make their deaths count

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justaz · 7 months

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me: i hate cliches. theyre so predictable and overdone. i just want something new-

every fic ever: character A confidently/impulsively kisses character B who freezes under their touch causing character A to panic and begin to pull back just as character B remembers themself and kisses back with a passion

me, born to ascend, forced to act casual by societal norms:

#it just does it for me every goddamn time #i see it coming and still go crazy once i read it #im reading another fucking merthur fic #what about it #yknow i actually started doing this thing this year of keeping track of all the fics i read #just so i can see how many words i read #and its march and for the past three months all ive been reading has been merthur #…#ANYWAYS-#fic #fanfic #fanfiction #tropes #cliches #writing #fanfiction writer #reading fics in public consists of turning ur phone on and off as you read bc u have to take breaks before u start screeching like a banshe #in the privacy of ur room at least you can turn ur phone off and toss it on ur bed as u pace around in ur enclosure #spiritually im the old lady climbing the gate #physically im the glowing guy at a restaurant

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quietwingsinthesky · 7 months

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see my brain just doesn’t register the idea of anyone having a ‘one true love’ which is why the common fandom tropes of making canonical love interests terrible in order to justify why your ship is better always bugs the shit out of me. it feels like the only reason you would do that is if the idea of the characters in your ship having any other sort of romantic relationship that was important to them, even in the past, is a threat to their current one, therefore all their past relationships need to be demonized in order to make them ‘not real love’ so that they remain pure and chaste and ready for the True Love of the endgame ship.

#im not crazy right like other people notice that trope ajd get annoyed by it right #its a very weird trope to be so common from my perspective because like. why not just. break up the couple you dont want.#for reasons that arent ‘i made this person into a charicature of themselves to justify why my blorbo would have never actually loved them’#you know? its weird. its weird right?#and then of course there’s the offshoot of this that intersect with fandom misogyny where that demonized person is usually the female love #interest. or sometimes not even that. sometimes she was just standing there a little too close to one of the guys and that made people feel #insecure about their ship so they make her a bitch. gwen cooper. im. im talking about gwen cooper. people do this to gwen cooper and ill #never know peace about that.#anyway. is there a word for like. heteronormativity for monogomous people. because thats what i think this falls under.#because it is a very. like its a very conservatively monogomous idea. i feel like it is not unrelated to christian values of not having sex #before you’re married. that maybe someone in fandom might manage to ditch that particular ruleset to make their blorbos fuck nasty but NOT #the underlying idea of it that you can only ever have One Person you share that love and intimacy with. so you still end up perpetuating the #same toxic beliefs. you know? sorry im rambling it just annoys me

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maraschinotopped · 4 months

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undertale yellow. clutches head in anguish.

#[cherry on top]#undertale yellow spoilers #[..its still you]#anyways. finished my uty playthrough yesterday. oh my god.#^ that might be a bit of a surprise given that ive said like. nothing about it on here #but honestly i felt like positive-neutral about the game for most of it. like yeah it was good;#but nothing that drove me crazy. yknow? it was just an overall good game.#which is why i didnt really say anything about it #then it started picking up near the middle-end with the steamworks-#i enjoyed axis and guardener a lot; ceroba was a cool party member;#and the music in steamworks goes hard. one of my favorite tracks tbh #then there was the buildup to cerobas fight.#then i /got/ to cerobas fight and. crumples up into a ball AAUUUUUUUUUU #OH MY GODDDDDD #something about it made me shatter into a million tiny pieces.#a lot of things did actually. like how HARD IT WAS #i was stuck on her for OVER AN HOUR #BUT I DID IT. I DID IT LEGIT. IT WAS SO SATISFYING WHEN I FINALLY BEAT HER #god im just insane about ceroba rn. women who fuck up everything big time #and see no other option other than to dig their hole deeper because they sure as hell arent getting out of it #OH AND THE ENDING... BECAUSE OH MY GODDDD OF COURSE CLOVER WOULD DO THAT AHUGHHHHH #THEY'RE THE JUSTICE SOUL. THEY WANTED TO BRING MONSTERS TO JUSTICE AFTER ALL THEY FACED #OF FUCKING COURRSSSEEEEEEE AAAUUGHHHHH <- wail of anguish #KILLING AND MAIMING AND BITING.#SORRY. i needed to lose it for my mental health. quoting that one tiktok: 'im craeezay. im insaaane!'#for other tidbits i wanted to mention:#cerobas bossfight music went HARD. i fucking love the phase 3 transition especially with her yelling as the music starts;#that black hole attack can go fuck itself;#and if you were wondering how long it took me to beat uty. it was around 10-11 hours for a pacifist route.#anyways i totally need to play more games. that was fucking awesome and i need to experience more things like that

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theprinceandthewitch · 1 year

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I'm pretty much done with TOH lol.

A braver and more energetic soul can try giving this show a constructive critique... because I will actually, wholeheartedly lose my humanity while writing out the script.

There is like... a problem this show has that permeates the whole thing: It says its going to do one thing, but then does something completely different. Like how the first two episodes of the series make you believe Luz is going to learn how her inability to separate fantasy from reality is actually inhibiting her growth as a person... only to make her a chosen one and to give her everything she ever wanted without Luz changing the way she treats people.

#TOH critical #Reaching Out is my most hated ep along with the series finale bc of how guiltrippy Luz is in RO #Oh yeah Amity i know you have a very valid reason for hating me rn bc its my fault your abusive dad found out you skipped tryouts...#...but you cant be mad at me bc my dad died on your special day. Also I am jealous of you for having an Alive Dad #even tho i know your father is a horrible person and treats you like dogshit lol.#i can never forgive them for lobotomizing Amity's character #like Luz can lie to her face repeatedly and she'll be like... this is fine im sure it wont happen again...#still crazy to me how Amity gets the female love interest treatment you see with m/f ships... how could you do this to her #i want to see the Amity who actually had a spine and was willing to kill to achieve her goals #but no she gets reduced to ''bad but sad girl''... and i start fighting and killing

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opikiquu · 5 months

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aventurine pl. Plea s e . PLLEEEEEEASE

#★ arin rambles #‘here we go again’ you think everytime you see my ramble tag. I dont blame you #AVENTURINE AVENTURINE PLEASE SAVE ME WHITE BOY #OH MY LORD #OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS OH MY GOODNESS.#MY JSOE IS RUNNING HES RUINNING MY LIFE I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE IM SO ILL PLEASE I #AVENTURINE. im so serious i can talk about this man all day. and more specifically this video #‘it was just posted 30 minutes ago arin youre scaring the kids’ SILENCE. I NEED SPACE #I NEED A. A MOMENT. EVERYBODY PLEAS GETA WAY FROM ME IM GOING TO GET SO SCARY #Please. Im so sorry. Im begging you . I love this man oh my gish please hes so cute #HES SO CUTE. HES SO CUTE IM SO SICK OF HIM WHY???????? WHY IS HE SO PRETTY HES SO PRETTY HES GOREGOUS HES SO STUNNING. HELLO. HELLO.#Im going to. Slam my head against the wall im overwhelmed with joy and happiness hes everything ive ever wanted ever #any minute not spent talking about him is a moment wasted i promise you MY PRINCESS IM COMING TO SAVE YOU #IM HIS KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOUR EXCEPT ITS NOT SHINY #IM COVERED IN DIRT #IM STILL COMING FOR YOU AVENTURINE RUN #oh goodness me oh my #im so happy hes so prettu im so happy i cant do rhis im sweating geniumnly i feel so sick #Im cant . Do this anymore. I CANT TAKE IT. I HAVE TO… AAUGH… AAAHH… I HAVE TO…. DANCE!#guys…. he my favorriet…#my slinky….. my krimpet… my teacup i think. My doc mc stuffins doctor playset. My dishwasher. My italian coldsteel cinquedea . atp anything #hes my EVERYTHING. MY EVERYTHING…!!!!!!!! *MY TELEKENISIS THROWS EVERYTTHING ACROSS THE ROOM*#yall i dont think ive had a hyperfixation this horribly bad since. Since the. Since. MAN I DONT KNOW #IM COOKED. HE WOMT LEAVE ME ALONE. I LITERALLY DREAMT OF HIM LAST NIGHT LIKE IM SO DOOMED? ACTUALLY?#oh to be medicated and focus on . Things like cooking. Or idk. Getting a job. No i just think about some messed up blonde all day im absolut #ly DOOMED #yes im still yapping i got 30 tags u gon stick through them all. Every single one of them. Dont leave me please i want to talk about him ton #TO SOMEONE. I WANT TO TALK ABOUT HIM TO SOMEONE ALL DAY. ALL MY FRIENDS ARE TESTING. IM LEFT ALONE ALL DAY I JUST WANT TO TALK ABOUT MY WIFE #i womder how crazy i look right now #Sighs lovingly at him..

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solei-eclipse · 23 days

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okay. hello guys. my bad for not responding to stuff or being as active recently, had a lot of work to be done and other stuff to focus on that took a lot of my time. I wanted to make more art, but I unfortunately had to put that energy into other things (which got to the point where I could not put them off any longer and had to stay working on it). I know I missed a lot of stuff and I'm sorry for it

#unfortunately there are moments where i am forced back into reality #and i remember that i cannot actually spend my life creating and hiding away forever!!! crazy #honestly a lot of it has also been the fact that i am just tired everytime i get home #and my health issues that have been steadily building up #they're really catching up on me and ive been having to visit the clinic more than im happy with #theres just a constant sense of fatigue nowadays #also uh #admittedly my interesting in Alien Stage has been waning #not replaced by any other media in particular. just started focusing on irl life stuff more often #which is why i barely post on shakingparadigm anymore/dont really post anything of substance #its really mostly this alnst oc thing that makes me want to stay because i genuinely enjoy and adore what we've created here #im pretty invested in this even though im not as invested in the source material anymore #not to say i dont like alnst anymore! i still do. i just don't dedicate all my attention to it anymore #which is for the best actually. because admittedly the things and time i have sacrificed for alnst did create a few consequences #sometimes i forget how bad a hyperfixation can fuck me up #again I'm really sorry for everything I've missed #and for being late to apris birthday #and the solauri round #and more #amazing stuff that you guys have made #me bones just dont work like they used to i fear. please give me time #im.sorry again #sorry this post might seem kind of depressing #just dont mind it if you want #thanks for your time #misc #rant #(?)#vent

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tyranitarkisser · 1 year

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Nurse Mituna?! Do you trust her....

#homestuck #mituna captor #transfem mituna #ok imagine an earth C AU and all the dancestors are there and everything is great and mituna is transgender and a nurse but of course #still a gamer and a skater and shes doing her best #she skates home after work every day #actually she would probably work the night shift i think she would thrive in that sort of environment #everyone is like youre fucking insane and shes like 1 KN40W #H3H3H3H3H3 #i wonder if hospitals on earth C would be like. separated by trolls/humans?#that might be a lot for the doctors and nurses to memorize if theyre looking at caring for two entirely different species.#like maybe you can pick your specialty like a human who is a troll surgeon or a troll who is a human NP #God thats so amusing to me. actually #Maybe some hospitals are co-ed in more sparsely populated areas to save funds but in cities you can afford to have different facilities #anyway mituna loves the craziness shes being pulled in all directions and getting hit and yelled at but shes dealt with cronus for an etern #ty so its nothing new to her #bossy highbloods.. she knows not to take their vitriol personally. they are trolls just like everyone else #luckily she enjoys being needed and constantly on her feet #and when things slow down she likes to entertain her patients!

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b4kuch1n · 2 years

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I lied I think it’s fun to draw animals sometimes

#sonic the hedgehog #miles tails prower #knuckles the echidna #amy rose #team sonic #hey. still dont expect more sonic stuff okay. this is an exception #(I say as I immensely enjoy scribbling these animals)#man. Im mad how good these designs are tbh theyre so (clenches fists) theyre so! scribbleable!#hate that! dont like that dont like how much fun it is to draw them!#also I made amy spiky bc I want to and I can. and also shes a hedgehog #gods. thinking abt it sonic designs cater to me to such a disgusting level... the cartoon gloves... the big shapes.... the varied footwears #it's like psychonauts raz was so fuckign fun to draw. but here it's the whole cast #it's fucked up! it's entrapment!! I didn't consent to this!!!#next time they give any of the characters a big coat I'm sending sega a strongly worded letter. they cant do that to me #well. here it is anyway. genuinely these all took like an hour each I drew them as breaks inbetween work #(an hour for me is equivalent to other artists' fifteen minutes btw. I'm not fast at all I just don't know when to stop)#well. that done. back to work now #I am actually so excited abt the current one lol its just also gonna be a pain in the ass to coordinate #but I really wanna do well with it. go crazy go stupid baku!!#have a good night! a good pair of boots is worth the money but only if you can tie the strings together & wear it on ur neck in emergencies

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casinoarcs · 18 days

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actually i think theres nothing wrong with talking abt what you wanna talk abt and inserting ur fave in any scene or using the most recent event to talk abt ur fave. i think fandom should be enjoyable and saying "this is [guy's] moment shut up about [other guy]" is a bad mindset and annoying and makes you unfun and stupid.

#“you cant talk abt chuuya and dazai this is abt sskk” well. to you. im actually my own person and can do whatever i want forever. <3 #anyway its always going to be crazy to me that atsushi and chuuya still havent met and i hope this fight is the segue into that. please.

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cowboy-robooty · 2 months

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not going to name names bc thats messed up but omfg i was tryna find records of old heta fandom shit to show inu right and i found a hetalia iceberg and I SAW MY 2019 OPP ON THERE. IT WAS SO FUCKING FUNNY LIKE MY EYES BULGED OUT OF MY SKULL BECAUSE IM NOT EVEN JOKING I HATED THIS BITCH SO MUCH WHEN I WAS 14 AND NGL I STILL HATE HER. I DIDNT SAY NOTHING AND KEPT CURTIOUS AND NORMAL OBVIOUSLY BUT ON THE INSIDE I WANTED HER ASS DEAD EVERYDAY AND WELL... you all know im never in the loop with things and had no fucking clue that she was just the antichrist for an entire group of people lol. SHE WAS MY ANTICHRIST THO. I HATED HER AND SHE HATED ME OKAY AND IM LIKE RODF SEEING HOW SHES ON THE FUCKING HETALIA ICEBERG I WAS LIKE OMG.... I THOUGHT ONLY I FUCKING DESPISED HER

#i hated her to an unhealthy amount imma be so real #bc ive never done an internet sin of like shittalking outside of priv accs/dms #or interacting anonymously with people i hate etc etc #but there are things that are like corruptions for your own soul from how sour hatred can get #and she did that to me. and i only hated her enough to do that #i have only ever in my life actively hatestalked her blog when i was 14 bc she made me so fucking mad everyday #ive only ever in my life hatestalked her like shes the only reason i can comprehend why people are compelled to hatestalk #this was all back when i was like 14 tho lol and #ugh... im sorry. as you can tell the hatred i feel towards her is like soul corrupting level #i want to say im sure she has grown up to be a fine person and logically i know this is true #but also part of me is like there is no fucking way this bitch grew up to be a fine person like the lobotomy part of my brain is saying that #i will not tell you who she is btw so dont send me an ask begging for the user #and if for some reason you have a hunch who it is. you never know you could be wrong and even if youre not i dont condone harassment towards #her or like yknow just any association like leave her tf alone #i dont have fans who love me enough or are crazy parasocial to harass someone i personally hate/hated #but still just in case #shes not an actual bad person. i just hate her so much that it makes ME a bad person on the inside #its why im so glad that i turned 15 and went i need to stop looking at her forever or else i will reincarnate as a mosquito #ill only talk to u abt her if we are at least acquatiances with eachother #and i dont think anybody will be able to figure out who she is actually bc i never once was mean to her outside of telling my close friends #i wanted her dead. me when i dont act like a beast online despite the vietnamese devil inside me

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bunnihearted · 2 months

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ཻ۪۪♡.

#i want to learn how to vent healthily #bc i have this incessant pathological need to like share every thought i have #and if i dont i get this restless uneasy feeling in my chest and i get restless and worried and like wtf?#whats wrong w me? maybe it has smth to do w that during my entire life i have never been listened to or been helped #like during my life i've asked for help repeatedly but when i have i've only been dismissed or not believed etc etc #so maybe that translated into my head to just feel the need to share it in a public space.....#bc i used to write rverything in a diary but i filled them too quickly and i cant afford the money or space to do that #so i started using twitter and now tumblr... but that has only resulted in me like feeding into it?#it's not healthy to feel the need to share EVERY thought or else u feel crazy. i also shouldnt focus or dwell on thoughts sm #i do have issues bc of my disorders and anxiety. plus avpd in swedish is literally called 'anxious personality disorder' 💀#so it is in me to be anxious and worried and neurotic #but still i want to learn how to not be fixated on thoughts and feelings (also a challenge bc bpd makes feelings feel all consuming)#if i think smth - that also can be totally untrue and only based on my worries -#i can just think it and let it go. idk have to dwell on it and obsess over it. (im trying mindfulness for years lol)#bc most of my venting is like me getting stuck in feelings and idk why i feel the need to express it constantly?#it isnt worth it. bc actually it has caused rifts and missunderstandings in multiple connections i've had online...#i do feel like venting isnt smth bad.. and i think emotions are PERSONAL and like completely unrelated to truth and other ppl #but i get it.. esp when u only know eo online and dont know everything going on in eo's heads #then u only get that as a full image when it isnt the whole picture #so like idk. i WANT to be able to get a healthier outlook on it.. bc this isnt working #both bc of myself and for myself but also in relation to others #and like. why do i like never see anyone else on thmblr/twitter that post EVERY thought like me???? (i dont think its wrong to do bc *i*#have a different pov on it and idc abt other ppl's vents but .. yeah idk why do i do this but no one else does it at the level i do?#so idk i've just been thinking of this lately bc yeah.. yeah i just dont know i dont know.... :///#i actually want to be able to not ruminate and get stuck in it but idk how to break free?#plus expressing positive emotions & thoughts is terrifying to me like idk why but i cant????#why??? i feel like im undeserving of good things that i cant even express smth nice bc im like .. i dont deserve to think/feel that??

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