#its ultimately a fleeting desire and most of the time i actually just want to exist and laugh and feel the sun on my back and not worry

[temis-de-leon]

Gn!MC with thick curly hair

Characters: Lucifer, Mammon, Satan and Asmodeus (x reader, separately; could be read as pre-relationship since it's a tiny bit suggestive)

Main Masterlist

@cubandevil04 : Hello!! I ADORE your writing, it's so fun😘 I was wondering if I could have an obey me headcanon (lucifer, mammon, satan and asmodeus please🙏) with a GN!MC with thick curly hair?? Very 70s curly shag style💅😜 just overall reaction and their thoughts, especially since no character with curly hair has been introduced👀 please and thank you!!

A/N: had so much fun with this one that I wrote it in just a day, can you believe it?

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We’re bringing sheep!MC to the table here. Whether you want them to be an ewe or a ram, it doesn’t matter; in the end, they’re cute and their wool is curly and fluffy.

I haven’t read the manga, where this version of MC takes place, so I don’t know how it works, but I like to think the potential human students didn’t have photos on their information sheets as to “not judge a book by its cover”, therefore no one really knew how MC looked like.

(Actually, this HC works with human!MC too)

It isn’t until the year is coming to an end that MC’s biology and immune system have developed enough to survive the Devildom’s atmosphere in their human form. They’re allowed to transform back and everyone finally sees what they’ve been missing out this whole time.

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Lucifer

Due to his work, his taste and the way he is overall, most of Lucifer’s friends belong to the nobility or high society or are generally people with ambition and success in mind.

While he can enjoy going to clubs, like some of his brothers, his personality shines in more private ambiences. Old-money type of parties where chatter is never loud and guests are well groomed and put together, showing themselves in their demon forms with grace; the ultimate level of formal attire.

No matter your gender, hair is supposed to be pushed back with a polished look, so thick curls are hardly appreciated.

When he sees your human form for the first time, and this is something he will take to the grave, his first fleeting thought is wondering if you somehow maintained some ovine feature that made your hair look like that.

Suffice to say, it doesn’t take him too long to understand that your appearance is entirely yours and not the consequences of some spell.

He’s not blushing, MC. Stop laughing at him.

Will compliment you to make you blush instead.

The unruliness of your haircut makes it impossible for him to stop staring and he can’t help but imagine what would it feel like to touch it, to curl the loops around his fingers as many times as you’d let him.

He’s curious about how messy it’d look with a bedhead, but that’s a thought he’d rather revisit later.

Mammon

Although he was extremely curious about your human appearance since the moment you started to grow on him, it wasn’t something he lost sleep over.

He would love you no matter what you looked like.

However.

Being a model himself, it is impossible not to picture you on the cover of a magazine the first time he lays eyes on you. Looking upwards, eyes directed towards the camera under your lashes and lips partially parted, barely hiding a knowing smile.

Yeah, he can picture you. Perhaps too well.

But he’s being honest! You could be a model, MC!

Demons have been following human trends since the dawn of time, given that they are to be perceived as temptation, and he hasn’t seen that haircut in decades. Sure, curls have always been present, but not in that specific style.

You will catch him staring at you way more often than when you were a sheep, but there’s a shift in his eyes that you’ll only notice if you stare just as much.

Before your change, there was admiration and affection, an honest yet small smile that would disappear behind his hand in embarrassment whenever you’d turn his way.

Now, besides that, there’s also yearning. A desire to do something that only manifests when his fingers grab the end of your curls and gently tug to make them longer each time you sit together in class.

He will stop if it bothers you even if your rejection hurts a little, but please, please, allow him this much.

Satan

Unlike his eldest brother’s, Satan’s social circle is diverse and large, ranging from interns and students to CEOs and deans.

You never know where help and privileges may be coming from, after all.

He’s not picky about the origins of his friendships either, so one day he might be seen chatting with the National Fangol’s Vice Chairman and with an undiscovered indie singer the next.

His world is versatile and constantly evolves; he’s met a lot of different people through the many years of his life and all of them looked different from the other.

While yours is a haircut he’s already seen other people have, he still smiles the first time he sees your human form, although that might be due to him finally seeing your true self.

There’s a wild feeling to you that’s also cosy and confident. You remind him of bookstore cafés and open mic bars and even music festivals in summer where the dirt is covered in empty cans, half-smoked cigarettes and unconscious people.

He wonders if you like music or poetry, if he could introduce anybody to you that could make your dreams come true or that could give him the perfect opportunity to take you on your ideal date.

Or maybe you’re not an artistic person and you have your fixation focused on science or magic.

Perhaps none of them or even all at once!

He stares, not because he’s obsessed with you or your fitting hairstyle, but because he’s dying to know how much more is there for him to uncover.

Asmodeus

I’m going to step into shitpost territory here, but if he could have a Pokedex of inhabitants of the Devildom and beyond, you better believe it would be halfway full.

He’s known, met, and befriended (and more) so many people that is difficult for him to discover someone different.

It’s not your fault or lack of creativity, but when you’re an extroverted demon with such an experience in socializing like him, it gets to a point where finding unique features gets hard.

Still, when he first sees you, he can’t help but stare with shiny eyes and an open wide smile.

Your appearance helps your personality make sense. It’s an accessory that compliments you and, now that he has the whole picture, he can remember all those moments he shared with you and replace your cute little sheep shape with the human body that’s keeping him awake at night.

It’s not like that! Nothing filthy!

Although he won’t mind if you happen to slip inside his bed in the middle of the night.

He just can’t stop thinking about you, the way your curls frame your face or bounce when you play that tiring dance game in Levi’s room.

Not much time passes until he starts watching videos on Deviltube on how to define curls or how to style them with silk scarfs, rings, chains and even crystals. He’ll be happy to help you with the process, especially if it takes longer than expected. That just means you both get to spend even more time together.

And you’re going to look so cute!

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Taglist: @ilovecandys2010 @ollieoven @kingofspadesdelusion @whimsybloom

[writing-for-life]

Dream and How He Experiences Love

(Or: When the Unreal is at War with the Real, and Finally Understanding Unconditional Love Tightens the Noose Around Your Neck That Has Been There All Along)

And as always: Send me asks about everything Sandman-related!

Let me start this one with a few adjectives from the horse’s mouth (aka: Neil Gaiman said so 🤣) as to what Dream is actually like:

from: Vertigo Chase Card Set

So in short: This is probably the most accurate way to describe Dream in a nutshell, from the author himself, fully knowing that Murphy doesn’t lend himself well to be described in a nutshell.

And of course it’s absolutely fine if we want to head-canon him just being 5 out of those 50 (or none of them at all)—our stories are our own. At the end of the day, we went through a whole year of Tumblrfication (I might have made up that word), and getting back to the series will be tough. So is trying to align what the current prevalent perception of Dream is like in parts of the fandom, and what he is like in both comics and series (show and comics really aren’t that different where it matters, and I’ll die on that hill). I already worry about the fallout if I look at what happened with GO or OFMD, but that just as an aside.

Anyway, Dream in fandom spaces is often portrayed as either a pathetic wet cat who can’t get to grips with anything and constantly needs rescued in one way or another, or as a completely unfeeling arsehole incapable of relating to the human experience and being horrible all around. There are very few shades of grey in how some fans perceive him, when just the list of above adjectives shows us how complex he is as a character.

One thing that obviously comes up regularly are his relationships, be they romantic or platonic. So I just wanted to draw attention to the adjectives that relate strongly to the relational element in him (although they all apply in one way or another):

touchy, sentimental, cold, loving, [elusive], gentle, hurt, deep, intense, solitary, romantic, shy, intangible, lonely

Dream is the unreal. His way of loving relates very deeply to what stereotypical romantic love is: Romance and reality are a contradiction in terms—romanticism is dreaming because it is, at its very core, an idealised view. The intangible dream that comes back to bite us in the arse once reality sets in. And his flavour of love is the prototype of idealised and intangible (=romantic) and can never be anything else by his very nature.

And I’ve often thought that the way he experiences love is also a large part of why his existence is so difficult for him, and why he ultimately makes the choices he makes. Yes, he detests his function, but if he weren't so lonely (and weren't doomed to be so by his very purpose), he might find it easier to bear.

Let me look at, and draw parallels to, the 7 types of love as the Ancient Greeks perceived them [quick note about the image references: I would have loved to give more, but there is a limit. Also: Apologies I have no alt text for the comic panels at this point, I might add them at a later stage if I find the time]…

Eros

That’s both sexual and romantic love (to varying degrees), and it can be fleeting (like a dream) if not anchored in a less idealised view. So there’s your first cue—he totally experiences that kind of love.

The Ancient Greeks also thought it was a dangerous type of love, one that clouds our judgment and one that won’t last if not combined with some of the other types. And Dream himself knows this and probably relates (he detests his sibling Desire for “meddling”, after all). And yet, he is the intangible, the ungrounded, the unreal.

It’s all over every single one of his relationships we witness:

Killalla—“gifted” by Desire. We never get any cue as to what exactly they were up to, but it can be assumed desire, for whatever, played a large part in their relationship. Killalla makes no secret about it either (and is at the same time uncertain whether she truly loves him while being confused Dream might actually love her after what seems a very short time, at least in cosmic terms). Suffice it to say, he has a very idealised view of her and their relationship. Romantic idiocy at its best: He has literal stars in his eyes and is so grateful for Desire’s help he is basically kissing their boots in gratitude.

Alianora—again one of Desire’s gifts. And Dream tried, and I definitely think he was at least romantically (and physically) attracted to her (the art is very hard to interpret otherwise, neither is the context--she was gifted by Desire, after all). But this relationship is generally a tricky one because there is gratefulness and guilt n the mix, and that is sometimes a very unfortunate combination. He also couldn’t fully trust her because of his deep mistrust of D/desire. And lo and behold, of course the relationship soured when romantic and (potentially physical) attraction waned.

Nada—pursuing each other on and off, broadcasting sexy time all over the Dreaming because he's just so head over heels and literally bursting at the seams—need I say more? Yes, he does say to her that her body does not matter to him, which I 100% believe is true. He also says that he will love her as no mortal man can. But everything that transpires is still deeply informed by romantic attraction, because quite frankly: You don't feel love yet after you've barely met someone. It's again a deeply idealised view and that is something inherently romantic in tandem (in this case) with physical desire. Again, because D/desire was involved.

As to the particulars of Nada’s banishment to hell, and why Dream acted so out of character compared to his other failed relationships: You can find all of it here.

Calliope—read her speech at the Wake is all I’ll say. That is someone making romantic love so integral to their whole existence, I don’t even know where to start. He puts the world at her feet and makes sure she always comes first (quite literally) while they are still loved up…

Thessaly—he's the romantic idiot (affectionately) in the rain with his coat billowing in the wind, and referring to her “weighing him dispassionately and finding him wanting”. It was only a handful of months--you don't feel true, stable love at that point. Again, it has the idealised view of romance (and potentially sexual desire) written all over it. He would have given her the world, just like he would have given the world to Nada and Calliope. That is the trope of every freaking romance novel, and that is exactly how he perceives love.

Titania—who knows, she keeps her mouth shut.

Ludus

I think he has a hard time to be flirtatious and playful (at least, we don't really see it. We never really see him during the courting stage, and what went down with Thessaly was hardly "flirtatious". `Then again, bickering like they did in A Game of You is electrifying to some, so who knows. She also said at his wake he was cautious and nervous). And if he comes across as flirtatious (there is a charming on that list of adjectives after all), it’s just because he is so deliberate in everything he does that he might just push someone’s (right) buttons, so to speak. But that’s not the same as “no strings attached”-love, because I honestly believe he’s incapable of experiencing love that way. There is no “casual” with him. He always stays attached to the people/women he once loved, even if the relationship sours. He still loves each and every single one of them, he never stops. But he also doesn’t in a way that’s sustainable, and it’s an unsolvable conflict due to what/who he is.

Philia

Most closely translated as friendship and affection. Platonic love, if you will. It is also a love between equals. He has a hard time with it and only slowly learns what it means through his relationship with Hob. Needless to say: The Ancient Greeks valued platonic love as one of the highest forms of love. Hence, I’m personally reluctant to turn it into something else/slant it towards romance, because that’s exactly what this part of the story is about: His relationship to Hob is important and grows/lasts because it is not romantic in the comics.

Storge

Unconditional love for family, especially children. Based on complete acceptance and potentially sacrifice. Doesn’t need to be reciprocated. You feel it, no matter what, and you act accordingly. And for Dream and Orpheus, that didn’t work until it did. Or, let’s rather say: I don’t want to assume he didn’t feel it. But he pushed it down in his hurt and pride (as did his son in his grief). No further comment, because that one hurts.

Agape

Altruistic, universal, all-encompassing. And that’s so deeply at the core of his being, and so central to his whole conflict that I don’t even know where to start. From not wanting to kill the first vortex (or Rose, for that matter), to telling John Dee he’s hurting the dreamers, and that being his main concern while he himself was writhing on the floor in agony, to “humanity I love you”, to a million other things. He cares so deeply, there is such a deep concern for sentient beings in their entirety that it’s quite literally impossible to call it anything other than love. And it’s also what plays a large part in his demise.

Pragma

Oh, here we go. I honestly believe he likes the idea of committed and long-lasting. And he’s trying. So very hard. Calliope is the best example. Alianora was another one, because it’s not like they broke up swiftly (hard to tell how long they lasted, but since she had stayed in the Dreaming too long to go anywhere else, it wouldn’t surprise me if we’re actually talking a very, very long time. He called it “a goodly while”, and considering how old he is, I doubt that equals only months, or even just a few years, especially since he is fully aware how short his relationship to Thessaly was). And he wanted to stay true to his promise. But he is who/what he is: the unreal. And as the personification of that, love both feels real for him but will also forever stay intangible. It’s heartbreaking really. Again, it has written the contradiction between romantic love (the ideal) and pragmatic love (the thing that is grounded in reality) written all over it.

Philautia

And that’s the most heartbreaking one. He is incapable of self-love and full of self-loathing instead. The Ancient Greeks used to say that you can’t give what you don’t have. And it’s hard to feel compassion for the flaws we perceive in others if we don’t have that self-compassion for the exact same flaw in ourselves. And that one hurts in so many ways, from his not being able to forgive himself (which is mirrored in his relationship to Nada, who also couldn’t forgive herself—she didn’t need his forgiveness, she needed her own) to Orpheus being so much like him apart from one major difference: he’s mortal in spirit, and even immortality doesn’t change that. And Dream struggles with the part of his child that is so like him for a million reasons that would burst this meta at the seams, but again: it’s hard to love in others what we detest in ourselves, knowingly or unknowingly.

So in short: The particular flavours of love Dream feels (Eros, Agape, Philia growing slowly over time) and the ones he doesn’t (Ludus, Pragma, Philautia) are also at the very root of how the story goes.

And when he finally truly understands what Storge/unconditional love is--both in the way he reassesses his relationship to Nada but especially in how he finally submits to his love for Orpheus (with all that entails)--and when he allows it to become real, it’s what tightens the noose around his neck. But that noose has been around his neck loosely all along…

[2n2n]

well its time for me to express my thoughts about all this. Sincerely!!

A tasteful choice to drop this image with the volume that confirms Tsukasa's Yorishiro status....

I love the petals falling out, as if Amane has just plucked off the lid, and in the cascade of wind, some feather-light blossoms are swept up... I love that the coffin has a little window to peek into.

We could imagine this as a purely symbolic image, but that's both no fun, and I do not think it is symbolic! I think it's our first glimpse into Amane's deepest boundary.... a glimpse we've finally earned after so much story.........

First off: this entire time one of my most pressing questions has been: why is Tsukasa dressed like this!!!

Tsukasa's outfit is very formal. As far as I understand, a hakama+kimono combination suchas this would only be worn to something like a rare formal event (wedding, funeral, ceremony of some sort…), or be worn by a priest working at a shrine. Given that a Yorishiro is a sortof sacred shrine object, and a boundary is a mystery's personal shrine,

it was my vague 'best' assumption this whole time that Tsukasa's outfit was meant to evoke the sortof general holy, priestly vibes in particular. Simple, like, "well, maybe if a Yorishiro is a person, they naturally are in shrinely attire?" … only after seeing Hakubo/Sumire do we get an idea of how personal and intimately reflective a boundary truly is.

Hakubo's boundary represents his endless reflection over Sumire's final day. Hakubo feels an aimless, mysterious fixation, trying to understand what he 'wishes' had happened, what he 'wanted', what he wants for Sumire, what he felt, what he feels now. What he could have done for her, and why he wanted things to be different.

while I'm here did you know Hakubo only seems to use the 'boku' pronoun? This gives him a childish feeling.... at the least, it conveys his demeanor of deference.

Hakubo has never 'wanted' or 'wished' for anything, in his life; only doing as he was told. His boundary reflects his thoughts, which can't move further, which have no greater conclusion. An incomplete, perpetual loop, 'stuck'. Sumire faces her 'death' over and over and over in the deepest pits of his boundary. She cannot change the events. Only Hakubo can.

As Hakubo wanders alone with Sumire, the villagers disappear. As Hakubo addresses his memories, experiences quiet peace with Sumire, the boundary begins to weep around them.

addressing his ultimate desire at the root of it all (a wish to not be an Oni; a wish to be human, to give Sumire what she wants, to fall in love with her, in a way he was convinced he could not do), it storms and thunders with his pain. It seems to evoke his feeling.

So....

what emotions does Amane have for Tsukasa, to adorn him in ceremonial attire, to shower him in cherry blossoms?

The sakura, as a briefly-blooming flower, is typically associated with fleeting, delicate, ephemeral beauty....

"it is in full bloom in a flash, and scatters in a flash. In the moment of its short life, the Japanese feel beauty." x

The sakura is also generally associated with feminine beauty in particular. Gracefulness...

Not surprising to see Tsukasa steeped in language addressing beauty. Tsukasa is often symbolized with the moon (and his name itself evokes the moon), obviously... something Amane is reverent about.

Actually, the sakura in the coffin are different from a typical sakura blossom. They are rather a specialty, fanciful variety that ruffle with many layers of petals.This multi-layered cherry blossom is called a yaezakura! I guess I would say it makes this feel like an unusually ornate, spectacular display.... as far as I understand, this sort of tree would be planted in particular locations deliberately, suchas beside a shrine.

Rested peacefully in a bed of yaezakura blossom, adorned in elegant solid hakama and black silk kimono, all convey a vision: something beautiful, something sacred, something delicate, something graceful, something short-lived, something cherished!

Tsukasa died in his school uniform stained in blood, stabbed in the chest, on wooden slat flooring. Amane died soon after, and their parents did, as well. Tsukasa did not get any sort of sacred ceremony or memorializing upon death.... so this is as far from a reflection of their final moments as one can get. It must be something more symbolic of Amane's feelings, than something reflective of any lived moment.

when you look at Tsukasa, do you think of sacred, ethereal, feminine, graceful beauty? The delicate petals of a Sakura blossom falling, in all its short-lived splendor?

.... doesn't matter! Apparently... Amane feels something particular about Tsukasa which is expressed in these symbols.

while we're thinking of flowers, the camellia is associated with 'modest beauty', as it lacks a fragrance... the camellia also simply drops its entire head upon death, while the cherry blossom sheds its petals beautifully.

I don't think we really have a complete vision of Tsukasa just yet....

But beyond that ....

it's interesting that Tsukasa doesn't seem capable of moving. He appears to have been 'frozen' in Amane's boundary, peacefully secured inside of a coffin.

Amane desires to 'protect' Tsukasa...

frozen in a peaceful sleep, motionless, for Amane to watch over and gaze at, forever.... hmm. It suits him... his desire for control.

To finally see Tsukasa's eyes staring back at him, feel Tsukasa's hand touching him....

... after years of seeing this, frozen perfectly in his boundary.....

woof.

Well, it's exciting and, it's made me very emotional. Such veneration and respect and honor here... I get this feeling as if this is Amane's honest heart, something he cannot express audibly or physically, not to Nene and not to Tsukasa, too stubborn and reluctant to be vulnerable. Too afraid. Always talking in metaphors or avoiding saying anything directly... but, in his boundary, there is no obfuscation. Tsukasa was enshrined with all the luxurious adoration Amane had for his little brother, no matter what occurred between them in their final year. He deserved this, he was loved like this.

and I can't believe you might be responsible for his fucking titty window, Amane!

[spectershaped]

Was talking to someone last night about the infamous Persona 4 character arcs and how, like, there's a bunch of different ways to make character arcs sort of Work (very dependent on a bunch of factors and context, like all storytelling)

On a more obvious level, the thing that grates about the P4 arcs is the particular way they bend towards characters accepting roles that are imposed on them by a heteropatriarchical society that, naturally, also exists outside the text. That said, thinking of them in broader terms, a character arc often is, in some fashion, all about the manifold alchemy of the Self and the world outside it; and, of course, one molds the other in a sort of neverending dialogue - the world exists before and molds the Self, which is ultimately a part of it, but the Self reflects upon and pushes somewhat against the world (and other Selves, of course) too. How much of each is changed and how is wildly variable

In St. Vincent's song "Cruel", there's a line, built little by little across various parts of the song (just like she does in "Los Ageless") that I find very cool and haunting: "bodies, can't you see what everybody wants from you / if you could want that too / then you'd be happy". Desire is something that feels at once freeing and tethering - no one can really make you want or desire something directly, but you desires are neither something that comes from nowhere nor something you can control, and they're not always completely cohesive and straightforward. In narrative, there's sometimes an interesting interplay of want vs. need, where a character's most conscious and concrete desires are not what will ultimately satisfy them. And you could dive into the nature of the character arc vis a vis character as simulacrum of personhood, yadda yadda, but the gist of it is: a character's desires - or their understanding of their own desires - changing across the narrative doesn't necessarily make for a weak arc in any way, as the character is but one of a bunch of elements all ping-ponging together in the approximate shape of a story. So what's the deal with P4 in that regard?

P4 is a game ostensibly about facing one's own hidden desires or pettinesses or pains and accepting them, but acceptance can mean a lot of different things. To "accept" can be anything from passively acknowledging but treating as fleeting to treating it as important information that might lead you to reevaluate your sense of self or even your outer context. IIRC the game is a bit muddled regarding what it means by acceptance; Chie's hidden resentment towards Yukiko kinda fizzles out, for instance, and Yukiko's feeling of being trapped is kinda resolved only in her Social Link I believe? The Social Link system with your gang can end up in a weird spot not unlike the DR Free Time Events, where there needs to be a sense of development but not to the point where the story proper is altered by its presence or absence. So the circularity of the story arcs is not just ideologically questionable, it also comes across as thematically weird

Honestly what sort of prompted me thinking about this is that I ended up giving up on trying to play Petal Crash and decided to just watch a playthrough. Not very good at these fast-thinking puzzle games, already not great at the slow-thinking ones. And this playthrough starts with the Yosoti route. Their plotline is basically that they're (like all the playable cast) attempting to gather all of these gems in order to grant their wish; in Yosoti's case, they're looking back at all the ancestors who bore their name and were forgotten by history, which is kind of weirdly existential considering the general lack of actual angst in this story. And the ending is...oddly ambiguous? It feels like they've come to understand the nature of art across time and the particular way that things are "remembered" through influence across generations and it's not super clear whether they actually used the gems at all. It's pretty poetic in its own right but it ended up making me ruminate on the nature of characterization and narrative and desire. I wish I had an actual conclusion to draw but that's me for ya. I'm curious to see what the rest of the cast's plotlines are like...

[scorpionatori]

Forbidden Book of Friends Reveal: Anime vs. Manga

I don’t know what decision making goes into the ordering of anime episodes when adapting them from the manga, but it’s a shame the scene of Natori telling Natsume about forbidden exorcists techniques was moved around when it was one of the biggest revelations in the series. The anime moving the scene from the arc with Takuma and his shiki to the arc with Matoba’s letter worked, but it took a lot of impact out for Natsume and Natori and the audience. Let’s compare these two arcs and the topics and story elements they deal with:

Matoba’s letter (ch52-54):

Matoba sends Natsume a lengthy letter that he never opens, and ends up finding him and blackmailing him into helping solve a dilemma for his clan. Earlier Natsume had lost the letter at Natori’s apartment after asking for his help resealing a youkai. Natsume finds out more about exorcist drama and politics with Matoba’s clan. He also learns that Natori is regularly being threatened with curses and that the lizard not going to his left leg may mean he’ll lose it one day. Natori finds the letter Matoba sent to Natsume and sees that he is getting further pulled into the world of exorcism, and he destroys the letter. The main topics this arc deals with are:

Exorcist clan politics and history, Natori being targeted by colleagues, exorcists colluding to sabotage the Matoba clan

Natsume becomes increasingly worried about Natori’s safety due to his colleagues trying to hurt him and the unsettling implications of the lizard avoiding his left leg.

Natori becomes increasingly worried about Natsume’s safety and involvement with exorcists and tries to intervene secretly.

Takuma and his shiki: (ch60-62):

Natsume finds one of Natori’s paper dolls damaged by rain after watching one of his movies at a downtown cinema. He worries he’s in trouble and heads to the address on the doll where he ends up finding out Tsukiko had hired Natori to investigate something for her. They ultimately find out two of Takuma’s shiki thought they were abandoned by him after he lost his sight, and Tsukiko had put up barriers out of worry, which kept them trapped outside. Natori accidentally overhears about the book of friends from the other shiki, Ginro, who mentions Natsume having something dangerous on him that exorcists shouldn’t even have. Later, Natsume finds out that Taki’s circles and the book of friends are forbidden by exorcists because they’re considered cruel and dangerous. Natsume performs the ritual of release for the shiki. After he and Natori say goodbye to each other, Natori tells Urihime to find out what dangerous item Natsume has been hiding. The topics in this arc are:

Human and youkai relationships, complications from them making contracts with each other, humans losing their ability to see youkai, therefore leaving behind the ones who cared for them.

Humans who can’t see youkai feeling helpless to protect those who do.

Exorcists have rules about what kind of spells and contracts are allowed, and Taki’s circle and Reiko’s book of friends are both forbidden objects.

Continued from the Matoba’s letter arc, Natsume and Natori are both becoming more and more worried about each other’s wellbeing.

Natsume’s ongoing dilemma about wanting to tell Natori about the book of friends but not knowing if he should.

The topic of forbidden techniques does work somewhat in the Matoba letter arc, as it fits in with exorcist politics. However, the arc did NOT deal with what was most important about the revelation: the book of friends.

The book of friends was not a topic in the letter arc. The arc mainly focused on the turmoil in the exorcist community and the history of the clans, Matoba’s desire to acquire Natsume as a powerful ally for his clan, Natsume’s increasing concern for Natori’s wellbeing, and Natori’s increasing anxiety around Natsume getting sucked into the world of exorcism, and his overprotectiveness and attempts at intervening in secret.

There was no room in here to fit in the book of friends revelation in a way that was actually impactful. Natsume didn’t have time to reflect on finding out his grandma’s book is considered too cruel to exist, he was too busy having to help solve a massive problem for Matoba at a large exorcist gathering. Natori knew nothing about Natsume carrying something forbidden at this point and barely noticed his concern. And besides, he was also too busy worrying about Natsume receiving letters from Matoba. The very important revelation about the titular item of the series becomes a fleeting anecdote that isn’t touched on or important for the rest of the arc, and therefore diminishes its impact.

The Takuma arc, on the other hand, was perfect for this revelation. The main plot of the arc revolves around the messy complications of contracts between humans and youkai. Natsume spent a lot of time thinking on his desire vs hesitation of telling Natori about the book, only for Natori to accidentally overhear about it. And shortly after that, Natsume innocently asks if there’s spells that allow humans without sight to see youkai (thinking of Taki’s spell) and immediately learns that that sort of thing is forbidden. Then he hears that the exact sort of contracts that are in the book of friends are also forbidden and considered cruel.

There was way more tension here with this scene happening shortly after Ginro mentions the book when Natori walks in. Natsume knows he caught at least part of the conversation, and Natori now knows Natsume has something dangerous on him called the “book of friends”. He doesn’t know what it is at first, but later when he sees Natsume’s reaction to hearing about forbidden contracts, it becomes pretty obvious what kind of thing the book is. This also causes Natori to become very concerned.

Natori was definitely able to connect the dots between what he heard earlier and Natsume’s face when he finds out about forbidden contracts, which gives him more clear motivation to find out what it is as well. In the anime, all he knows is that Natsume has something called the “book of friends” that is the kind of thing exorcists aren’t supposed to have. In the manga, he hears this and then afterwards sees how scared and worried Natsume is when he hears about forbidden contracts for the first time. It’s safe to assume at this point that something that was titled “the book of friends” is probably a book of forbidden contracts with youkai. This makes the reason behind Natsume’s constant involvement with youkai even more apparent. Not only is he in possession of something outlawed by exorcists (when he was recently dragged into a big dilemma by the leader of the community), if he’s in possession of a large collection of youkai contracts who are bound with their real names, this explains why they go after him so much and why he can not keep a distance from them. Natori knows for sure now that Natsume has a massive target painted on his back for both exorcists and youkai, beyond just his strong spiritual power. He knows full well what his colleagues and Matoba are like, and how dangerous youkai can be. This gives him a much stronger motivation for gathering info on the book of friends when he has a pretty good idea of what it is, as opposed to in the anime when he only had a very vague idea. Even if it was wrong to search for info on it without Natsume’s knowledge anyway, Natori’s fear of the book of friends and urgency in finding out what it is is more understandable in the manga, whereas with how it was framed in the anime, people probably found it easier to read him as suspicious and sneaky more than very genuinely concerned about Natsume’s safety with such a thing.

Again, I don’t know what all goes into the ordering of episodes in anime adaptations, and it doesn’t matter as much in an episodic series such as Natsume Yuujinchou, but there’s still definitely important things that can get altered or left out or taken out of a better context when the order is changed from the manga. Natsume finding out his grandmother’s book is forbidden was a very important reveal for a lot of reasons. It’s very difficult for him to learn that the item he already had a lot of complicated feelings on is considered cruel even by exorcists. This increases his feelings of guilt for having such an item and his love for his grandmother vs his fear that she was a bad person for binding so many youkai (in general this was not touched on enough in the anime, but I could write a whole other essay about that). He’s also been debating whether or not to tell Natori about the book of friends since they first met, only for him to find out on accident. And then shortly after he learns from him that it is forbidden in the exorcist community to bind youkai with their real names when making contracts. Overall, while they made it work with the changes, it wasn’t as impactful for the characters or the audience to move that scene from its original context.

[miwtze]

mediocrity is a skill in its own right (sakusa kiyoomi x reader)

cw: insecurity in ones self, self hatred, depression yk the good stuff 😐 post time skip

wc: 1.2K 

notes: i dont ever edit anything so as per usual no beta i die like a bitch. 

you feel stupid. it’s another day past twelve when your body crumbles with exhaustion but your mind doesn’t allow you to rest. you can’t count the number of times you’ve stayed up attempting to shove the thoughts of inferiority eating away at your soul. the feeling of giving yourself up whole only to never be enough. after all no one wanted someone mediocre.

sometimes you wonder would what it would be like to be like sakusa, a person who cultivated a skill into a talent that’s become second nature. maybe if you stuck to one thing instead of throwing things at a wall to see what stuck you would feel more complete. you can’t find it in your heart to be upset at the sakusas of the world or even the hinatas of the world, who have been blessed with both talent and ambition. of which you have neither. you don’t have the desire to be something great, to be standing at the top, to be the sole messiah leading a legion of lost souls but you crave to anything, anything at all.

it was dizzying the amount of times you’ve tried to grow as a person only to be left with the fleeting sense of being just okay. maybe you were selfish for wanting more because technically being half way decent at anything is better than being dogshit at it. you wish you could hold on to the moments where you felt as though you had potential, to bottle it in a jar and let it build up but like sand in an hour glass it always seems to slip though.

you always find yourself telling yourself that if you can spend time feeling like this you can spend energy doing better. but you never do, instead you always find yourself curled into yourself letting the bubbles of insecurity trickle down from your eyes. you’ve gotten good at keeping quiet when you cry, never wanting to bother sakusa in his slumber who found it unpleasant to be disturbed by mundane things.

when you shuffle around to curl into sakusa you’re met with tired eyes looking down on you. you realize that everything that has can be given to you will always settle with dust no matter how hard you try to brush it away. at some point or another, becoming far too exhausting to clean up and way to dirty to keep around. it feels like lifetimes pass as you stare into each other completely unsure as to how to navigate the situation presenting itself on your queen sized mattress. eventually sakusa shifts, gesturing for you to sit up as he reaches over to turn the nightlight on. you wait with your palms folded over each other for something.

“you know you can talk to me right?” he seems uncomfortable, like words he wants to say aren’t the ones coming out of his mouth. “i know i’m not the most approachable person by any means but i don’t want you to be alone.” he’s words are gently, heartfelt. you can’t bring yourself to believe that someone would speak to you with such affection. “i know you don’t reach out when you need someone. i know you’ve been upset for a while i just didn’t know how-”

“it’s not your fault, omi. i didn’t want to be a burden is all.”you wanted to ease some of the tension you placed on him, but when you see his jaw clench, you realize you’re probably doing more harm than good. “i didn’t realize i was being so loud, i’m really really sorry i didn’t mean to make it hard for you.” he sighs opening his arms, you crawl into them with your heartbeat in your ears.

“that’s not the reason why it’s hard for me. i want to be able to support you the way you support me, but you’re about as emotionally constipated as me. fuck, actually you’re probably worse.” you giggle into his chest as he brushes through your hair. “i’m not a therapist or anything but i can always listen and comfort you.”

you tilt your head up to meet his eyes, the tears poking the corners of your eyes were threatening to spill into a whole new emotion. one that made the butterflies in your stomach go crazy even as your head tries to reel them them in convincing you that you didn’t deserve his love. “do you really want to know or do you want to go to sleep and your conscience won’t let you go to sleep without at least doing damage control.”

“babe if you’re going to be annoying the only thing my conscience is going to want to do is toss you out the window.”

“omi we’re on the first floor nothing will come of that.”

“no critical damage then.” he leans down to place a kiss on your lips, hovering over to rest his forehead on yours. “so what’s got your feelings all twisted?” you want to tell him it’s okay, that he should go to sleep, that he has practice in the morning but more than anything you want to let him into the dusty hallways housing your insecurities on picture frames that you can never seem to tear your eyes away from.

“you know like it’s kind of stupid.” he shakes his head, encouraging you to continue. “but i just, i don’t know, really want to feel fulfillment in the things i do you know? but for someone like me-” you’re crying again trembling in his arms as he coaxes you into spilling more. “-i can never really be anything more than just okay at something. and it’s hard because you’re so amazing, almost everyone around me is but i’m just some npc support character. i just wish i had more to offer because you deserve someone better and can-”

“i’m not sure where you got the idea that i am the one that deserves more when i know you offer the world and back to be when i can only give you myself, but rather than that i feel like-” he stops picking his next works carefully as to not unintentionally hurt your feeling. “-you’re spending more time comparing yourself and ultimately end up ignoring the little things that make you reason that you’ve become a pillar in my life.”

“but i’m so so just boring and normal.” he smiles down at you, brushing away your tears.

“you’re the only one that sees yourself that way. maybe you’ll always only see yourself as mediocre but i hope you know that people have define normal in different ways.” he pulls you down into bed placing you on his chest and securing you in his warmth as he continues. “you’re far more than normal. there really isn’t a word that can justify what you mean to me and how otherworldly you are.” he pauses. “maybe extraterrestrial?”

“omi you were doing so good.” it’s hard to hide the laughter spilling from your lips.

“what you don’t like katy perry?” but it’s much harder to ignore sakusa’s growing smile. 

[dreamingsnowflake2013]

Throughout S2, Nakyum's appeared in an elavated position during their intimate moments as the power in this relationship gradually shifted. Now, the role reversal is complete in chapter 71 as Seungho deliberately places Nakyum above himself both literally and figuratively. It's Nakyum who ultimately becomes the more powerful in this relationship because he owns SH's heart and holds it in the palm of his hand. It's a heart SH gave him willingly.

While Seungho realized the hard way his feelings for NK and confessed them to him on multiple occassions, Nakyum is still very much in denial. He tries so hard to avoid admitting that he is in love, finding so many excuses  that his feelings are only the result of random coincidences. He was hurt so much by his one-sided love for Inhun that he tries hard not to fall in love even though it's already way too late because he's fallen for Seungho a long time ago.  He's deluding himself and this inability to admit genuine affection out loud to SH might become a source of conflict between them in the future as SH gets hurt more and more by the notion that Nakyum might not love him not matter what he does and how hard he tries.  Right now, there is a huge conflict inside Nakyum between what he feels and what he thinks he feels and unless he solves these conflicted emotions, it will bring him and SH only pain.

This is the moment Nakyum's two braincells exploded and his brain turned to mush - the mighty Lord Yoon telling him that he will listen to his wishes and needs.The moment Seungho places NK's foot on his cock underwater might be fleeting but the meaning behind it is huge. It may seem kinky, but it's SH once again putting himself into a submissive and vulnerable position literally lying himself by NK's feet and making NK the dominant one. When Seungho places Nakyum's foot on his cock, he is saying: "Look how hard you've made me. I desire you", making it clear how much he wants NK, but at the same time he asks NK for permission and gives him a choice to say no.  It's a heady combination for NK.

The picture of Seungho kneeling and lying himself bare, heart, body and soul, his eyes imploring and pleading, by Nakyum's feet shown via NK's POV and his narration perfectly encapsuletes and symbolizes the current state of their relationship and its power dynamic.

Chapter 1 of S2 contained the foreshadowing of what's going to happen. There is always a piece of truth in the rumours and it's as if the gossips came true as Seugho finally treats Nakyum as his real fianceé - with respect, love and care, carrying him in his robe.

Seungho kisses Nakyum at every opportunity, he can't bear not to kiss him. He is giving Nakyum all the kisses his lovers asked for previously but which SH denied him when he thought NK ran away. He loves to kiss Nakyum and gains pleasure from NK's pleasure. It's obvious that Seungho is making this all about Nakyum and his pleasure,but he is also getting pleasure of his own - it's in the way he kisses NK whenever he can, how he swallow everything drop of his cum, how he savours the taste of his skin and insides,...

Swallowing his partner's cum is obviously something Seungho doesn't usually do nor did previously enjoy, but now he is swallowing Nakyum's as if it were the most delicious treat. That's why Nakyum is so shocked.  The journey on which Seungho starts off as a selfish man whose enjoyment, hurt feelings and pride are more important than his partner's happiness and pleasure only to become a selfless and giving lover is so satisfying, rewarding and riveting to watch.

 Also,  Yoon Seungho really went there and gave Nakyum a blowjob straight from his own personal textbook. Only the best for his lover. The man is a legend and extra af.

It's the memory of Seungho's voice and eyes looking at him together with his loving mouth sucking him that make Nakyum ultimately cum. Seungho is Nakyum's ultimate aphrodisiac.

Nakyum touches Seungho's body and cock not because he'd feel required to but because he wants to touch SH, to explore his body and give back.  When Seungho looks at Nakyum after he touches his cock, Nakyum doesn't look away or take his hand away in shame or doubt. He might be blushing but there is only excitement, desire, love and anticipation in his eyes. He is the picture of shy bravery and confidence.

It's Seungho who's breathless, flinching, surprised, barely holding onto his control and more affected. A shy touch from Nakyum makes Seungho powerless. His blush might not be as pronouced as Nakyum's but his ears are red. One of the reasons why Seungho takes Nakyum's hand away is that the moment he would allow him to touch him he would lose even the last bits of control, succumbing to NK's innocent and adorable seduction.

Not only does Seungho admit that he's wronged Nakyum in many ways, he vows to make amends but most importantly,  even though he says a noble can't bow to a lowborn, he purposefully places NK on the furniture and literally kneels before him, worshipping his body.

It's hilarious how the POTN fans were writing fanfics and expecting Nakyum to start calling SH "Seungho-ya", only for Seungho to say "hold my soju" and go "Lord Nakyum" on all of us, basically elevating his lover to nobility. Seungho most likely never called any of his former lovers, who were all actual lords, by the "lord" title which shows how special and important NK is to SH that he would even throw away his pride that was instilled in him since birht, making NK one of a kind.

Not only does Seungho call NK "Lord Nakyum", he also uses the formally polite speech (hasipsio-che) which is a higher level of politeness used, among other things, by lowborns to speak to nobles. You typically hear it in sageuk kdramas and it's these two characters "니다" =nida.

For all his flaws, Seungho has always been the best choice for Nakyum due to his intelligence, lack of respect for traditions and his rebellion against social rules because those qualities allow him to treat him and love him Nakyum deserves. The way SH's treated NK until now (calling the doctor,allowing him to eat with him,...) has been him instinctively trying to treat NK as his equal,his real and proper lover so him calling NK a lord and listening to his wishes is the culmination of that.

Painter of the Night features twin moments which echo each other-parallels,visual and narrative,that show NK's and SH's relationship at its worst & how it gradually grows and blossoms. Seungho dresses NK in the same cloak he wore months ago, symbolizing the role reversal and change. Back then he was angry that Nakyum tried to run away from him with Inhun and mad from jealousy. He mistreated him and used his body to stake his claim which ultimately led to Nakyum falling ill. Whereas now, he is worshipping NK's body, making amends for wrongly accusing NK of leaving him and later punishing him for it, asking for forgiveness and making Nakyum's welbeing and pleasure his priority. Both scenes look like a mirror image of each other but at the same time everything is different and that's one of the many things which make Byeonduck such an incredible artist and storyteller -her singular ability to tell stories and convey her characters' emotions with her art.

Does it ever drive you crazy just how fast the night changes?

[mitthsyndic]

Here is my second attempt at writing Thrawn, much longer this time! Again if you have any criticisms or feedback then please feel free to share!

Read on AO3.

Summary: Lieutenant Thrawn meets the reader (gender neutral) at the Ascension Week celebrations on Coruscant, and she offers to show him around her art gallery. (Based roughly on the 2017 Thrawn book). 

Pairing: Thrawn x Reader (gender neutral, Thrawn is still a Lieutenant at this point).

Warnings: None.

Word Count: 1,715.

A Keen Eye

If you'd learned at least one thing from your meeting with Lieutenant Thrawn, it was that he was passionate about art. 

He wasn't simply an admirer or even a collector; he'd told you in detail about how he used an enemy's artwork in order to anticipate their tactics in battle, and ultimately defeat them. From what you could gather from his companions, this proved to be effective far more often than not. Your own companions scoffed dismissively at these claims, and not so politely ushered your group away from Thrawn towards more powerful, influential partygoers. 

However, you believed you could understand where Thrawn was coming from, and you felt compelled to see his analysis in action. After all, it wouldn’t exactly be an inconvenience to you, as he could simply meet you at your own art gallery here on Coruscant. Furthermore, it didn’t take a keen eye for art to notice Thrawn’s strikingly good looks; his dark blue skin and illuminating red eyes caused him to stand out among the other guests, and he was what drew you over here in the first place. If he didn’t appear to be interested in any romantic prospects, you figured you could at least have some fascinating discussions about the pieces in your gallery. 

"I had best follow my companions. However, Lieutenant Thrawn, I'd like to observe your analysis of artwork and the military conclusions you draw in person. Please, take my comm details and contact me to arrange a meeting at my gallery - that is, if you have any spare time." You smiled at him as you offered him your comlink.

His eyes flicked briefly between your face and the comlink, as though he was unsure how to proceed. You tried to read his face; it was unwavering and unreadable. Well, almost. You could have sworn you saw the corner of his mouth slightly upturn into a smile.

Taking your comlink and quickly inputting his details, he responded coolly, "That would be most pleasant. Allow me to check my schedule for my remaining days on Coruscant, and I shall respond with my availability." 

As he handed you back your comlink, your fingers brushed for a brief second. The fleeting contact was intoxicating, yet his expression remained unvarying. It was almost impossible to tell how he felt about the momentary brush of your hands, or if he could tell that your proposition was identical to that of a date. 

"Of course. It was delightful meeting the three of you, and I hope to see you again soon." Politely smiling at Ensign Vanto and Colonel Yularen, you reluctantly trailed after your friends, leaving you with the rest of the evening to reflect on your meeting with Lieutenant Thrawn.

**

It was late; with your thoughts consumed by your encounter with Thrawn, you had left the celebrations and gone to bed at your apartment on Coruscant. Awoken by the faint alert of your comlink, you drowsily sat up and picked it up, allowing the incoming transmission through. 

“Apologies if I woke you. This is Lieutenant Thrawn.” His smooth voice echoed out of the comlink. 

“No, not at all. And, please, there’s no need for titles when we’re alone.” You boldly suggested. From what you could gather, Thrawn was exceptionally good at reading body language and tone, so you tried to convey your desire for a more informal relationship, in case he hadn’t gathered the implications behind your invitation.

“Of course.” You were certain you could hear a smile behind his voice. “This may be of short notice, but I will only remain on Coruscant for another day. There is a lapse in my schedule tomorrow evening, and I leave the following morning. I would like to see the works in your gallery, and hopefully demonstrate my... abilities to you then.”

He was incredibly difficult to read -even more so when you couldn’t see him in person, but you were sure that you could detect a hint of flirtation in his tone.

“Tomorrow evening works for me. Allow me to send you its location. If you need any directions or your schedule suddenly changes, then feel free to contact me. I’ve got my comlink on me at all times.” 

“Thank you. I look forward to meeting you again soon.” Your comlink clicked off, and Thrawn was gone once again. 

You laid back down and allowed your mind to drift off to sleep, thoughts consumed by the mysterious Lieutenant Thrawn and your ‘date’ tomorrow. 

**

You’d spent all day debating on whether or not to close the gallery and give Thrawn a private tour, and, eventually, you decided against it. It was never busy at this time of night anyway, and you didn’t want to appear too forward if you had in fact misinterpreted his intentions, and he really was here to only demonstrate his analytical abilities. Then came the matter of your outfit; he’d provided a rough estimation of his time of arrival, so you couldn’t exactly run off and change into something more ‘date-worthy’ before he arrived, but if you dressed in your regular work clothes then Thrawn may believe that this meeting was strictly business. After much deliberation, you’d settled on an in between that appeared professional, yet a little flirtatious.

Once that was sorted, all you had to do was wait. Many admirers came and went, as did the occasional interested buyer, yet the minutes passed by slowly as you anxiously anticipated his arrival. Normally, you would consider yourself a fairly confident, collected individual, if somewhat an overthinker, but in comparison to Thrawn? You felt almost neurotic. 

Although he’d spent almost a full day now preoccupying your mind, all coherent thoughts dissipated out of your head once he finally stepped into your gallery. He was precisely on time, and wearing simple black garments that had presumably been issued to him by the Empire upon his admission into the academy. From what Colonel Yularen had said, Thrawn had been practically discovered by the Empire, as his home planet was not in a region familiar to you. He also hadn’t mentioned what species he was; at first guess he appeared to be Pantoran, yet his glowing red eyes suggested otherwise. You made a mental note to ask him at some point this evening. Furthermore, you realised he actually hadn’t told you his last name -or maybe he hadn’t told you his first name? As your lack of true knowledge about the man who stood in front of you became more and more apparent, it began to feel like an incredibly stupid idea to invite him here.

Though, it was too late to do anything about that now. I guess I’ll have to make sure I learn everything I didn’t think to ask, you thought as you approached him. His expression was indecipherable, as, you began to suspect, it always was.

“Welcome, Thrawn. May I call you that, or is that your surname? I didn’t think to ask yesterday.” You bit the bullet and chewed your way through the awkward question. 

“It is Mitth'raw'nuruodo. My native language is Cheunh, and Chiss is the name of my species.” He broke eye contact and looked around at the gallery, and you did the same. Currently, it was just the two of you in there. “May I ask how you came to acquire the gallery and its pieces?” 

Though, Thrawn didn’t appear to find it awkward at all. Your eyes locked, and that same small smile you identified the night before appeared on his face. “Yes, you may call me Thrawn. That is my core name, as Chiss names can be difficult for many species to pronounce.”

“Ah, I understand. May I hear it anyway? And, is Chiss the name of your language then?” You asked delicately, although Thrawn appeared unbothered by your questions. 

“Well, I’ve had a passion for art since I was very little, both painting and admiring it. I practiced as much as I could with every bit of free time I had, and I took any even remotely artistic jobs. If a neighbour wanted their walls painted, I’d do it for free and they’d let me keep any leftover paint afterwards. All of my money went towards buying canvases, sketchbooks, paint, brushes, even spray cans. Sometimes I’d even spray paint murals, though I think everyone else saw that as graffiti and vandalism rather than art.” You paused, and the two of you locked eyes again. He was listening intently, so you decided to continue on. “Anyway, as I got older I’d sell my paintings, but it didn’t provide enough money for me to live on, so I begged Zena, the old owner of the gallery, to give me a job here. I did small things at first, like sweeping floors and cleaning picture frames, but eventually I got to lead tours and meet with other artists. When she retired, she left the place to me, and here we are now.” 

Thrawn paused for a few moments, as though he was fully taking in and understanding your words. “How fascinating. Do you still paint now?” Thrawn began to walk slowly towards the closest painting on display.

“Yes, whenever I have any inspiration or time.” You followed close behind, intently watching his focused stare on the painting in front of him. 

He then turned back to you, and stopped just before the painting. “Is any on display? May I see it?” He questioned. 

“No, it’s all in the back in our studio. Plus, I’ve never fought any kind of battle in my life, so I doubt you’re going to be able to observe any military tactics from my paintings.” 

“Perhaps, perhaps not. Many do not realise exactly what their artwork can reveal about themselves or their culture as a whole. So, although you may have never fought before, I could look at your work and anticipate your possible movements and strategies if we were to engage in battle, whether that be in a ship or in hand to hand combat. I have demonstrated it in this particular way once previously with a friend.” 

He noticed the slightly apprehensive look on your face, and smiled. “Of course, we do not have to fight. That would not be very typical behaviour on a date, would it?”

[shmeggrem]

Ooo do your thoughts on mtmte/ll drift!!

OKAY this is longer on mobile so it'll be under the cut for mobile user convience, its not super long but still

Drift, and what his character teaches us:

At the very start of mtmte I actually didn't think much of Drift other than being Rodimus' friend and confidant, he was a good character but there wasn't much going for him, when he started developing into a fully fledged character I started to get interested

his past with the deceptions was actually a good and fleshed out backstory, having him have a past that involved a dark and gruesome history that ended in growth and forgiveness towards himself and others was interesting and it was relatable

a lot of people have had bad pasts, whether it's from what themselves have done, what has been done to them or both, Drift teaches us that growth is normal, you don't have to be that person anymore, you can learn and you can grow as a person and become a version of yourself that you love and can be proud of.

he teaches us that even though you've changed, you don't need to forget who you were.

Drift teaches us that we deserve love and friendship no matter what has happened to us, no matter what are origins are we are deserving of kindness.

Just as Drift teaches us that we're deserving of kindness, Deadlock teaches us that we're deserving of closure, that we're deserving of anger towards the people in our lives that may have hurt us.

Though I don't condone it, Deadlocks actions do show his journey with his anger, with the bitterness against a system that failed him, it shows us his emotions his betrayed feelings, we see his past and we empathise, we're right there with him when he finds Wing and learns to forgive and love again.

Wing never makes him feel less than for his actions, though he doesn't condone them he understands Deadlocks anger and understands his outlet, preaching to find him one that he knows will suit Deadlock better because he sees Deadlock, he sees his pain, his inner torment and he understands why he did what he did.

Deadlock was never told that his reaction was wrong, but that he was hurting himself just as he was hurting others, that ultimately what he was doing was the thing that was going to make him worse though it was subtle, subtext at best the message was still there, he was never shamed for it, never ridiculed or pushed away, simply told and learned to understand.

he's a complex and brilliantly written character who I do genuinely believe has the most relatability and growth.

Drifts character is a teacher, we learn not just from him but with him.

He teaches us that its okay to not want to come back when you've been wronged, he shows us that it's also okay to change your mind and forgive if you want to.

I personally believe that despite his forgiveness of Rodimus after his exile their friendship was never the same and that is so good to me, because you can forgive but that doesn't mean that everything goes back to the way it was before they hurt you, forgive but don't forget.

His time away from Rodimus is good for him, he learns by himself that his attachment to Rodimus wasn't healthy, that it was getting in the way if his own self growth, he needed to focus on himself especially after the betrayal, and though his love for Rodimus never fleeted he never went back to his over doting ways when they reunited, I think its amazing that Rodimus had his own character growth during that time that made them better friends in the end, but not closer.

Drift heals his inner torment, but it takes time he's not truly content till the end and that's powerful, because healing takes time, it takes patience and it take so much trial and error to get to the desired end, he heals and we heal with him.

Drift in my personal opinion is about growth and healing, and that's one of the reasons I like him so much.

His relationship with Ratchet is good to me because they don't use the trope of "my partner saved me from the dark", Drift heals himself, he saves himself and that's beautiful.

Ratchet is a good partner for Drift because he sees what Drift needs and he understands, he's supportive without trying to overcrowd him, he doesn't have a hero complex that believes he can "fix" Drift because he knows that Drift isn't broken, he knows that Drift will come to him if he needs him so he doesn't push, and that respect for eachother is what makes their relationship good, Drift isn't relying on Ratchet for his happiness and Ratchet isn't over bearing Drift during his journey.

I don't actually ship dratchet but I do very much enjoy the way their relationship was written and played out.

I could go on about his savviness or his combat ability but truly its his lessons as a character that draw me to him the most, he genuinely teaches so much by just being himself and learning to love himself and that's what makes him such an amazing character.

I relate to him on a personal level, so his character does mean a lot to me

Ultimately Drift teaches us to love ourselves and that's amazing

[lore-of-the-silvereyes-rwby]

The Hero that was never meant to be

I’m going to ask you guys a quick question. Think back to the volume 2 season finale in 2014. Or before Salem's debut. Once all of the antagonists are defeated and you're now left asking; Who's going to be the next antagonist for the series?

Before we proceed with this inquiry let's take a look at what exactly distinguishes a hero, from a villain.

Hero/Villain/Anti;who knows?

Below are multiple examples/definitions and meanings of heroes and villains as well as their anti sub groups.

Hero

a person who is admired or idealized for courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities.

the chief character in a book, play, or movie, who is typically identified with good qualities, and with whom the reader is expected to sympathize.

“a person of distinguished courage or ability, admired for his or her brave deeds and noble qualities." Heroes come in many forms in life, ranging from one's family and friends to athletes to movie stars. A person's heroes can change over time.

Villain

(in a film, novel, or play) a character whose evil actions or motives are important to the plot.

 a cruelly malicious person who is involved in or devoted to wickedness or crime; scoundrel. 

a character in a play, novel, or the like, who constitutes an important evil agency in the plot.

Anti-Hero

a central character in a story, movie, or drama who lacks conventional heroic attributes.

is 'a central character in a story, film, or drama who lacks conventional heroic attributes'. These missing attributes include idealism, courage, and morality. Anti-heroes can sometimes do the right thing, but it is usually because it serves their interests to do so.

Anti-Villain

is the opposite of an Anti-Hero — a character with heroic goals, personality traits, and/or virtues who is ultimately the villain. Their desired ends are mostly good, but their means of getting there range from evil to undesirable.

Now that we have some measure of clarity about this let's get to the point.  Basically Ironwood is a Anti-Villain character

If you think back to the things we have learned throughout the series, all the people we have met, you will find that all of Ironwood’s traits align better with Salem, Cinder, Jacques, and Adam.  All of them have this hunger for power and/or control, all of them are trying to protect themselves and increase their control.  

All of them use a level of manipulation and none of them really cared about the damage it would do to others.  Ironwood might be a little better because, at first, it was something he kind of thought about.  Kind of. He had trouble relating to the idea that protecting more was better than protecting less, and it seems that he had been struggling to find his heart since the beginning. 

Ironwood is a well intentioned and desperate man who wants to protect Atlas against Salem, but he can reach extreme means to do so. By the end of Volume 7, he's willing to abandon both Mantle to die and throw away humanity's best chance of survival by leaving Amity Tower; he also falls far enough to shoot a teenager for comparing him to Salem.

Going hand in hand with his Never My Fault tendencies. Ironwood hates anyone bringing up how his ways don't work, with extreme annoyance being the best reaction possible. It doesn't matter if someone is simply stating the objective tangible negatives of his actions, he will not hear it. He gets into a shouting match with Nora when she calls him out on how much damage he's doing to Mantle and only stops when she points out his proposed solution to deal with the current unrest (martial law) is just going to cause far worse problems if he goes through with it.

While he demands complete loyalty from others, Ironwood has repeatedly betrayed the trust of others in the name of the greater good. If someone is an obstacle to accomplishing what he believes is necessary, he will use political or even military power to enforce his will.

Ironwood has helped Ozpin fight Salem for years but they disagreed over the best way to defend Vale; Ironwood secretly convenes a meeting of the Vale and Atlesian councils to report Ozpin's behavior, resulting in Vale removing Ozpin from overseeing the Vytal Festival security in favor of Ironwood. Qrow later tells Ironwood that he has a strange idea of showing gratitude if he responds to Ozpin bringing him into the fight against Salem by betraying him. Even after being confronted, Ironwood insists that he had no other choice.

Ironwood spends most of Volume 7 promising that the Kingdom of Atlas is safe and that Mantle can count on him to protect them. However, when he discovers Salem is arriving in person to attack Atlas, he decides to abandon Mantle to the Grimm in favour of raising the floating city of Atlas higher in the atmosphere where the Grimm can't go. When Ruby tries warning her allies about Ironwood's plan, he disables her scroll, and has Teams RWBY, JNR, Oscar and Qrow arrested.

Ironwood's a man with good intentions, but he seems to believe the best way to handle any sort of situation is if he is in full control of it. This is seen as early as Volume 2, where he both brings a large fleet (composed mainly of machines) along with students for security and later has the Vale and Atlas Councils transfer security control of the Vytal Festival from Ozpin to himself. 

After the Fall of Beacon, James continues to tighten Atlas' defenses with a Dust embargo and closing of its borders, and by the time the heroes arrive in Mantle, there are broadcasts of the general practically saying that as long as they cooperate with his laws, he can and will keep them safe. 

As Salem's forces continue to sow discord and increase his paranoia, and when he discovers that Team RWBY has consistently hidden important information from him, Ironwood decides to invoke martial law and raise Atlas out of Salem's reach, under his control. When Ruby warns the others of his plans, he shuts off her call with his own Scroll.

Ironwood is noted for being a man who never gives up pursuing his vision of how people should be protected. When his attempts to convince Ozpin that they're on the wrong path fail, he convinces the Atlesian and Vale councils to override Ozpin's authority and give him direct control of protecting the Vytal Festival Tournament. 

In Volume 7, he is willing to pursue his goal of protecting the Kingdom of Atlas against Salem no matter how bad his public reputation becomes with the citizens.

To be clear Ironwood is an Anti- Villain type character in the RWBY story. He may have good intentions but it is unknown as to their extent of what they are. His methods to achieve those methods have only made things worse.

I couldn’t let you breath, cause I didn’t wanna Die

We all say we would die for something but do we actually mean it?

“I would die without regret I offer up my life”

It is hypothetical but not in the way you suggest. The difference between using would or will is not about whether the speaker is being disingenuous about their offer, it’s about whether the speaker knows if they are ever going to be in a position to fulfil their promise

It is hypothetical because the speaker does not know whether there will ever be a situation where they would be in a position to give their life to save you. If they were to use will, it implies they are anticipating that they will be in a position to give their life to save you 

When someone says “I would die for you if you need it,” is it just a hypothesis that's never going to happen,  the subject doesn’t want to die at all, otherwise they’ll use “will” instead of “would”?

Kill or be killed

All the weapons in rwby appeal to the audience as they have options when it comes to fighting. Ironwoods does not. His weapon is only designed to kill as a reflection of his inability to see reason. As opposed to other characters that show that when they kill it would be a last resort option.

(Think of the Jedi's preference for lightsabers instead of blasters)

Ironwood has a revolver  -  reliable, never jams. high attack power, similar to his mentality on robotics in general and how he values them focusing on the characteristics of the revolver is the important part, and you see it in another Atlesian character--Weiss Myrtenaster is a Rapier and a Revolver as well, and revolvers are still used nowadays because of their reliability. They'll never jam, and when it comes to a gun all that really matters is hitting the target on a pragmatic mindset at least, and ultimately in the show the weapons used by characters say a lot about them. For example;

Qrow has a scythe - not a weapon, a farmer's tool, alluding to the scarecrow. The actual weapon would be the sword mode, and is inspired by the grim reaper, who uses a scythe because he reaps souls like one would reap what was sown(or harvest)

Jaunes shield and sword are both offensive and defensive weapons which offers a variety of options as to handle conflict

Ozpin's cane symbolically conveys the message that it's okay to be weak and its normal to accept help and support from others

Yang's gauntlets are basically Bruise but don’t kill type weapon as such they give her  more control of the damage that is inflicted on her opponents

As ruby put it the Weapons in the show are an extension of the characters. The extent of Ironwoods weapon is that it conveys his blunt, and cold methods that he can’t or won’t embrace alternatives solutions or anyone else's ideas to problems

This can also be seen with his use of militarized Huntsmen and the use of mindless android soldiers. As I stated in I am power Ironwood’s personnel combat abilities are mediocre to non-existent with his true power stemming from the consent of the people to die for his cause instead of him since it's guaranteed that he will die instantly due to his lack of unique or special combat abilities. 

(Pretty self explanatory considering he had to sacrifice an arm to beat a nerd)

Fear of death is basic human instinct

Ironwood believes that he is this chosen savior and can’t die and he believes his life is more important than others and would instead sacrifice everyone else instead of him if it would mean victory

Now you're probably asking why does Ironwood not want to die when he said he would? As stated before he doesn’t trust anyone but himself to do the job right. His narcissism and ego prohibit him from trusting others and having faith that people besides him can win. 

This has been hinted as early as his debut in V2 where he asks Ozpin;

“Do you honestly believe that your children can win a war?”

Because of this and his Nihilism for rejecting the truth, he believes that he is the most important piece on the bored and everyone should listen and die for whatever he needs if it would mean victory

Ambitions and desires of a broken kingdom

A character without motivation is a really boring character as opposed to one who does. But to realize what their motivation is or what it is truly is another. Ironwood is no different but what exactly is his personal motivation that is unique to him one must wonder?

That's just it, he has no real personal motivation. Like what does he have to lose? What does he have to gain? What is so important that he is willing to go to such lengths that clash with the ideas of Ozpin and the heroes? To answer Atlas. After all, what is Ironwood without Atlas?

 It is important to know the effects of a characters home and origins to better understand a character's personality. Ironwood's plans have always been in line with Atlas, whose intentions are that of Ancient Mantle. Now what exactly are the intentions of the former capital that would live through Ironwood.

Atlas as I stated before is more or less a Technocratic Conservatives society led by Authoritative totalitarians with a focus of becoming an Extreme Militaristic Oligarchy that had originally started out as a Resource driven Empire out of necessity and without restriction 

To clarify, Ironwood is a byproduct, and enforcer of Mantle’s(later Atlas) Philosophical Ideology and Culture. The effects of one's origins can have a very lasting impact on one's life. Ironwood’s life has been heavily affected by his homeland to the point that he will die for it, and sacrifice whatever he deems necessary for it. 

Because of this Ironwoods alignment is that of Lawful Evil because of his Atlas ideology

A Lawful Evil character is an evil character who either tries to impose or uphold a lawful system on others without regard for their wishes, and/or adheres to a particular code. They believe in order, but mostly because they believe it is the best way of realizing their evil wishes.

In other words Ironwood will always be the loyal son of his Kingdom and will do anything to save it.

Now that clears his main motivation and the scale of what he is willing to do to achieve it but what motivates him personally?

Well that's just it there is none. His primary motivation is pretty shared by most of the heroes and main characters and as is the common clause of save the world stories everybody knows they can’t let that happen as peter quill would say;

“Why do you want to save the Galaxy?”

“Because I'm one of the idiots who lives in it.”

So with that in mind what's in it for him that he can’t lose or let the world be destroyed?

You overstepped your boundaries

To help understand his character it is important to understand what exactly his role in the plot was originally and how he ended up biting off more than he can chew when he broke away from it.

Essentially Ironwood was meant to be the overseer and guardian of the relic of creation as well as the trainer of the next generation of huntsman/huntresses. Meaning the only position of power that he should only have is Headmaster of Atlas academy. As I stated in I am machine Ironwood's heroism stems from a lack of trust and in doing so has burdened him with more responsibility than he can handle.

The catalyst 

All of the events and conflicts that plague remnant at the shows present can all be traced to Ironwood. An argument can be made for Salem but to me she seems more of an opportunist instead of an actual evil master mine. Being the opportunist she is she needs ammo for which she is otherwise incapable of making on her own. Thanks to Ironwood she has plenty of it to enact her plans and reach her goals 

Below is a list of events and conflicts as well as characters that have been affected by Ironwood

(Whether Directly or Indirectly)

The Schnee Dust Companies Immoral and shady practices

I know Jaques is mostly to blame for all of this but one must ask; Why didn’t anyone stop him before V7? 

It's already been established in the show that the S.D.C. and Atlas Military have a corporate alliance to mass produce Weapons and ammunition. The most prominent weapons to come out of this alliance was the paladin assault mechs. Now how important was this alliance to Ironwood?

In short, they are the best choice to provide for his needs for war. As long as he gets weapons and all that he needs to sustain a war he doesn't care what the giver has to do to meet his demand. As such Ironwood had enabled Jaques and allowed him to continue his immoral ways so long as he gets what he needs. On the other hand Jaques seems to be at least a decade older than Ironwood so there is a possibility that the corporate alliance has already been there long before Ironwood ever came to power.

But I ask again why didn’t Ironwood who was aligned with a man like Ozpin didn’t stop him? As the Volume 7 commentary stated Ironwood doesn’t care for Ozpin's rules and sees being efficient is more important than being morally good. Because of this Ironwood had been more focused on starting a war first and caring about people second thus he has only spread misery by enabling Jaques’s greed just to have his war. The crimes of the S.D.C. are also Ironwood’s 

The family strain of the Schnee family and Winters abandoning

While we’re still on the subject of the Schnee's let's talk about how essentially Ironwood made Winter the Blake to his Adam

As I stated before in “You had me with your words”  we don’t exactly know why Winter would be so loyal to Ironwood to the point of saying that her life doesn’t matter in V7 and why she would be so against her family to the point that she makes no effort to see Weiss, and Whitely included and only bothering to be apart of Weiss’s life only because she seems to be following the same path of defiance against their father. In other words she only chooses to interact with her sister only if she is rebelling against their father. If she is not, then Winter wants nothing to do with her. 

Now who or what exactly would cause Winter to have this unhealthy mindset in regards to her own personal existence and relationships?

The answer being Ironwood. 

If we were to consider Jaques words being serious than it is more than likely the truth. Ironwood did steal Winter, not just from her father but from the rest of her family. I don’t know what exactly Ironwood said or did to turn winter away from her family but it wasn’t out of the kindness of his heart. He did this  just to have a loyal subordinate with incredible power( her hereditary semblance) & status( her grandfather's legacy and accomplishments) just to give his power and status more legitimacy.

By doing so Ironwood made Winter  believe that her family as well as herself is beyond redemption due to the actions of her father thus leading her to abandon them and only believing Ironwood can redeem her hence why she values her life so little and is willing to die for whatever Ironwoods says.

I understand that winter joined the military to get away from her dad but she had options besides the military and like weiss she could have went to the other academies to get away from her dad but she didn't which i consider Winters greatest flaw is that she has no idea of an actual healthy relationship

The White Fang

This is also speculative but not unlikely as the show has clearly shown; Faunus and Atlas don’t mix. 

Same thing with the S.D.C. this can really be seen as indifference on Ironwood’s part and lack of care  but still Ironwood didn’t do anything to settle the racial inequality in Atlas even though he is allied in a secret circle that's supposed to keep the peace.

Especially when that inequality was being used to help legitimize a terrorist organization that can be used as a disposable army for Salem which it did.

Watts’s Defection & the P.E.N.N.Y. Project

Ironwood commissioned 5 scientists including Watts and Pietro to make Weapons for war.

Even though Watts is an egotistical bastard it really makes you wonder how someone as smart as him would work for a literal demon lady hell bent on conquest. The same can also be said about why he chose Penny instead of any other actual and practical projects ideal for war.

One thing to note is the possibility that Ironwood did not tell the 5 about the real reason as to why they’re making these weapons in the first place. For example would Pietro really want Penny the closest thing to an actual child that he may have had to be used as one of Ironwoods militarized assets?

We’ve seen what Pietro is like and that he really cares about Penny and if it were his choice Penny wouldn’t be in the situations that Ironwood would place her in. Ironwood had basically taken and drafted Penny without her or Pietro's consent and made her a tool for war and much more.

In semi canon sources(Amity Arena) the general consensus is that the Paladins were Watts’s idea and project. One of the misconceptions is that it was a contest for whose idea would be made but since we see both the Paladins being used and Penny that's not the case. All 5 projects were going to be used but only 1 would take top priority first before others and that project was Penny. 

This might actually explain why the paladins were ugly and incomplete in V2 as opposed to their slicker and finished versions in V3. The Penny project took both praise and priority first before the others. Once penny was finished the other projects would begin that may also explain why the Paladins weren’t first revealed until the events of V2 even though Pietro said that the commissions for the projects including the Paladins were almost a decade ago as of  V7 ep 7 

To Watts he felt insulted that his (to him) practical project was being postponed for a sad man's personal self indulgent pet project. This and due to not really knowing as to why these projects were going to be used for. Because of this and Ironwood’s lack of concern for people He had essentially driven Watts to Salem and made him one of her most valuable assets that she ever had. Salem herself even states that she should have employed his services years ago that alone tells us how valuable an asset Watts was and Ironwood discarded it. Which led to the fall of Beacon and the civil unrest in Mantle With Watts out of the way let's move to the next question

Why the Penny Project?

We all know at this point that Penny is the Pinochio for Pietro’s jopedo. So why would Ironwood approve a project that seems the least efficient and effective for war? There have been many theories as to why but two of them stand out the most; Potential vessel for the maiden powers and Espionage

It has been made clear that Ironwood has been readying for war against other people Salem specifically but how does one go about that? The first of which can be explained as Ironwood trying to make the ultimate artificial warrior with incredible power. As Ironwood has more faith in machines than people he would see Penny as the ultimate super soldier that he can use in his war

The second theory as to why he chose penny could be for spy and espionage purposes. As stated by cinder in volume 3 where this theory originates from; why would Atlas make a robot look like an innocent little girl? We know why Pietro made Penny look human but why would Ironwood go along with making a T800 complete with realistic skin and hair?  Besides Pietro there was no logical reason to make penny look as humanly as possible. Like the Terminators who were designed for infiltration and assassination missions and Ironwood being a paranoid individual who sees the world as one of two things; you’re either an asset or a threat / Penny or similar models would have been used to spy and eliminate potential threats in the other kingdoms. With the possibility as to what Ironwood would use penny for before her reveal in V3 clear let's move on to the last part of this bullet point

Why didn’t Ozpin know about Penny?

Prior to the truth of her origins being revealed via her death by Pyrah the only people who knew she was an android are cinder’s team, Ruby, Pietro, and Ironwood. The villains knew that truth after being fortunate enough to have Ironwoods scroll infected by the virus and Ruby found out by accident from penny. 

So officially the only people that were allowed to know the truth about Penny were Pietro and Ironwood. Winter and the Ace-opts don’t count as Volume 7 confirmed that they were brought into the fold after the fall of beacon along with penny so by the time of the fall of beacon they had no idea about salem or that was the sole purpose as to why penny was made.

 The same can be said for Watts too since Penny was still an idea being developed along with being assumed dead and not seen in atlas for years. Thus Watts never even knew what penny looked liked. Had he known i'm pretty sure he would’ve revealed that to Salem who would have given it to cinder for use in her mission. But as V3 shows Cinder finds out after getting access to Ironwood's personal scroll. Meaning that Ironwood kept Penny so secret that he never even bothered or considered to tell Ozpin.

By the end of PVP Ironwood sounded like a terrified child who got caught while trying to explain to a pissed off Ozpin about Penny only to be coldly told in a threatening tone to use the army that he brought to clean up his mess or else. That alone is proof enough from Ironwood that he never told Ozpin about Penny and was scared of what Ozpin would do to him for catching him on his secrets and lies.

So why didn’t Ironwood tell Ozpin about Penny? Short answer Ozpin would never approve the use of Penny. It was already established in V3 ep 6 that Atlas has been doing unethical experiments with Aura. Ozpin and most of the inner circle don’t really approve of such practices but can tolerate it  and use it if they have to. But most likely not to the extent of using it to make artificial living beings just to be soldiers.

This would be a similar moral dilemma as the clone troopers from star wars who were bred and mass produced at an accelerated rate to fight  in a war that they didn’t even understand or have a choice to fight in with the mindset and innocents of a child. The Umbara arc from season 4 of the clone wars series perfectly depicts the unhealthy amount of abuse the clones faced and the length of being taken advantage they were forced to endure

Now apply that to an army of pennies with the same childlike innocence and naivety and sentience being deployed into combat without much preparation and are expected to die just to buy time for the real heroes to win.

Now who is more likely to use a clone army without concern for the morality and ethics about making it let alone not care for the well being of those clones

A key important factor to remember is that until V7’s end Ironwood was pro war as he thought he could win against Salem if he had the largest army at his disposal. Penny was no exception and Ironwood only saw her as a potential part needed for his war machine. Because of the war centric views of Volume 2 & 3 Ironwood and lack of concern for the safety of others Ironwood had set the stage perfectly for volume 3’s finale

The Fall of Beacon

The points above actually help validate and contribute to the Fall of Beacon, but it's true Beginning for its fall started when Ironwood arrived at Beacon in Volume 2. As stated by Oz in Ironwoods first appearance Headmasters don’t usually attend the vytal festival with their students. Given what we now know about the importance of the academies, Ironwood pretty much abandoned his post and risked the safety of the relic under his charge.

All in what appears to be an effort to make a power grab against Ozpin and promote Atlas.(That’s probably speculative but not far off the bat given Ironwoods doubts and actions by the end of V2).Ever since his debut Ironwood has always been a character that contradicts the main characters that are suppose to be the heroes

He seems to only believe the best way to handle any sort of situation is if he is in full control of it. This is seen as early as Volume 2, where he both brings a large fleet (composed mainly of machines) along with students for security. Ironwood has helped Ozpin fight Salem for years but they disagreed over the best way to defend Vale; Ironwood secretly convenes a meeting of the Vale and Atlesian councils to report Ozpin's behavior, resulting in Vale removing Ozpin from overseeing the Vytal Festival security in favor of Ironwood. 

 Volume 2 also has Ironwood reveal to Glynda that he thinks Ozpin is hiding something from them. Glynda points out that he's part of the inner circle that's hiding things from the rest of the world and that he needs to stop talking about trust and learn how to trust others. Ignoring her advice, he secretly collaborates with the Vale Council to strip Ozpin of his control over the Vytal Festival security, then tells Ozpin to trust him.

This also brought up the possibility that Ozpin would be removed as Headmaster of Beacon academy. Not only was Ironwood willing to depose the leader he was following from his position of power but also remove an important ally from safeguarding one of the most important and crucial places in all of the world that also holds probably the most important relic of all of them(The Crown of Choice)  

I already talked about how Penny’s secret had contributed to the fall so I’ll be talking about how Watts contributed to it since I forgot to include in the last bullet point. Its a very small Easter egg but on Cinders scroll as she was rigging the vytal tournament for CVFY’s match and discovering Penny’s android nature there is a small cursive W at the corner of her scroll. The small W that Watts uses as a holographic icon when he calls Leo in V5. RT has said that they had WTCH in their back pocket for years until they were revealed taking that into account it is clear that the virus that infected Beacons CCT Ironwoods scroll and forcing the droid army to commit order 66 was made by Watts.

The virus and the cyber warfare aside the next final contribution on Ironwood’s part was the imprisonment of Roman Torchwick

It's pretty much been clear that Torchwicks' imprisonment was an improvised plan on the villains part to get an inside man aboard a warship. Basically it was like Heath Ledger's joker in the dark knight; he wanted to get caught. Torchwick himself said that he is where he wants to be to Ironwood at the end of V2. As V3 showed Torchwick and Neo took over what can be assumed to be Ironwood’s personal flag ship and used it to destroy the rest of the air naval section that was brought for the Vytal security team. 

This could have been avoided had Torchwick not been released into Ironwood's custody or at the very least kept somewhere else that should he escape he couldn’t have done so much damage. The Airships aside it was also possible that Roman had used the onboard artillery on the city as well that means that innocent civilians weren’t just being mowed down by hacked robots but being carpet bombed as well increasing the death toll at the fall of Beacon.

The Dust embargo and closing of borders

Since the fall of Beacon Academy, Ironwood has become increasingly unstable and paranoid, making more and more ethically questionable decisions that he repeatedly justifies as the greater good; by his own admission, he will do anything it takes to stop Salem. 

This however does not fare well with the rest of Remnant though.

As Atlas is the primary location for most of Remnants Industry as well as having a monopoly on Dust; Remnant’s most crucial resource that everyone needs in order to survive, the other  kingdoms rely heavily on Atlas for technology, resources and weapons. By placing an embargo he has cut off everyone in the world from their most valued resource. Though he did this to stop the enemies chain of supply he is still letting people suffer and die by with-holding the one thing they need to live and survive. 

Which brings us to the borders

Though it could have eased tensions after the fall of Beacon it just lasted too long as well as the fact that Ironwood had essentially turned his back on the world and refused to help the other kingdoms in their time of need. In the CFVY book spin-off all of the Beacon students either went to Haven or Shade academy to finish their training. As well as the Vale refugees going to other kingdoms as well. But due to Atlas closing its borders none of the students or the people went to Atlas for help. Basically due to Ironwood’s orders the Kingdom of Atlas was forced to not help the other kingdoms when they needed it the most.

And it has only gotten worse due to the events at Mistral in V5 as not only are the students of both Beacon and Haven going to shade, putting a strain on the academy but leaving the entirety of the worlds largest kingdom unguarded and undefended as it now lacks able huntsmen to protect it due to Ironwood’s refusal to help 

It should also be noted that when Ironwood closed the borders he had failed to inform any off his subordinates of who can and can’t enter the kingdom especially in regards to allies like Glynda or Qrow who again are allies against Salem and Ironwood made little to no effort in keeping contact with the other Oz members. This is made evident in V6 when the Argus soldiers refused to believe Qrow about being an ally to Ironwood. you could say that he was waiting on the amity project to make contact with the other members but  he had to have realized that they needed to get into atlas at some-point. But did he make it easy for them or any other ally to reach him? No he did not. 

The Mistral Huntsmen Genocide and the Battle of Haven

Second verse, same as the first, he had put them in a hearse. Another example of Ironwood’s indifference and hypocrisy that led to the death of allies and innocent people.

Due to the events of the Fall and it being broadcasted the enormous state of panic had spread throughout all of the kingdoms. The negative emotions in mass had attracted the Grimm and caused much havoc and loss throughout all of them and the worst to suffer from this mass hysteria was most likely Mistral due to its larger population and territory.

In V5 Lionheart had confirmed that Mistral losses were heavy and many of the local huntsmen including the Professors from Haven were killed in the initial grimm invasion that plagued Mistral following the fall of Beacon. After the initial panic had settled down the Mistral council had been employing Huntsmen in mass and restricted their activity to crucial and vital missions in high profile areas to ensure the safety and stability of the Kingdom.

Now the real question comes in where was Atlas?

In the world of remnants shorts  its confirmed that Mantle and Mistral have an alliance that eventually carried into Atlas. With that being said, where was Mistral’s ally during the fall out and what were they doing. We know in V5 that all Military Assets were recalled within the month prior to the battle of Haven. I know that the kingdoms are weary of Atlas at this point but given the state of the world after the fall, Mistral needed all the help they could get. As such Mistral would have to call upon the old alliance and have them honor their word and offer aid. 

Or at the very least transfer some assets over to Mistral to use it as needed. We have the base in Argus sure but that was just a forward border control base  that didn’t really help anybody. Prior to the recalling Ironwood had Winter gather intel on potential activity that would lead to a second fall of a huntsmen academy and he chose to do nothing. This is further proof of his hypocrisy and arrogance. Ironwood at this point is reading the military for war and with holding aid and support that was actually needed. 

His V4 self is a stark contrast to his V2&3 self as that version of himself was willing to manipulate and intervene in the affairs of other nations under the assumption that the ends justify the means and would see himself above the rules so long as it's for the greater good and stop the threat before it can escalate. That was exactly what Ironwood did at the end of V2 by stealing power from Oz and tried to enforce his own set of rules if it would prevent a disaster.

Now why did Ironwood not do the same thing with Mistral and try to prevent the potential fall of its academy regardless of the bad publicity that it would warrant? It's already been said by Ironwood that he doesn’t trust Leo to handle the situation at Mistral and based his dissection to close the borders on Winters report and decided to prepare for an potential attack on Atlas rather than sending a small task force to handle the threat at Mistral. 

Taking into consideration his plan for Amity it's quite possible that he wanted Leo to fail and Mistral to be ready to eat from his palm. In other words unless there is something to gain and benefit from he’s not going to do it.

Ironwood all the way till he was told the truth about Salem in V7 had a War is the Answer mentality and was hoarding everything and anything that would help sustain a long campaign as well as increasing the size of that force with the intent that  that the large numbers were enough to intimidate Salem and her faction into surrendering and eventual destruction. The only problem is that the people he needs were born in a time of relative peace.

Because of the 80 year age of peace that followed the Great War the Modern world of Remnant has had zero to no conflicts as large or damaging since that one war. There were small conflicts sure like the faunus war, the White fang terrorist cell, and the criminal underworld but they weren’t that much or a threat or concern to a majority of remnant it wasn’t until the Fall of Beacon that the foundation of this peace was shaken so intensely that the cracks started to show but it was still together if only held by a thread.

With the Peace in mind and the peoples faith still with the huntsman as their distrust for Atlas Military lingers no one in the world of remnant outside of Atlas would have any motivation or desire to mobilize for war let alone a war for a foreign leader of a foreign land that has recently come under suspicion. Ironwood was never going to be able to unite the Kingdoms and mobilize their people for his war after the fall of Beacon with Atlas being painted as the bad guy. Unless the situation went from worst to extreme.

Like if another academy were to fall with the same or greater results like Beacon. Then maybe people all around the world would consider following Ironwood’s lead and wipe out the threat before things can get even worse.

Because of this Ironwood had allowed Mistral and possibly the other Kingdoms to exhaust themselves so much that they would be unprepared for the next major Grimm invasion should they come after the next major hysteria induced panic. Panic like Ironwood’s original plan to unite the world and tell them about Salem causing the kingdoms to fall into further disarray only to be saved by the flying grace of Ironwood and his Military. And the only repayment for his help is that you join his fight.

I know this is all speculative and you can say Lionheart was the one who was responsible for mistrals problems after the fall, but remember Leo was the only Faunus on the council of a racist kingdom and only had one seat over the huntsmen and can only give out and approve mission assignments that would get them killed thus he had no real authority or power in Mistral  besides siding with the majority and even if he tried to talk the council into refusing Ironwoods help their racism wouldn’t listen to Leo and they would do the opposite and call for aid. 

But again Ironwood prior to the fall was willing to stop the threat at its source regardless of politics. But after the fall he had put all of his focus on preparing for war instead of helping people that needed his help at that moment. This may be due to his semblance(still dumb BTW) but ultimately he was focusing on his own needs first than the needs of others. Because of this he had ignored the issues of Mistral and failed to see the truth of what Lionheart was doing and had allowed Most if not all of the well trained and experienced huntsmen of that kingdom to die leaving the kingdom defenseless and unprepared for any conflict that would come.

 Like the Battle for Haven for example. Had Ironwood not recalled everyone back and had Winter and whatever Atlas personal that were with her its quite possible that the battle may never had happen, the truth about leo would have been discovered sooner and the genocide of Mistrals huntsmen wouldn’t have been as bad had Ironwood actually chose to help, Instead he  started to fall back and focus on the Amity Project and Atlas instead of spending any resource outside of them, due to a narrow focus to and putting everything on it just so he can have his Victory.

The Civil unrest in Mantle

A loved and respected leader will die by the side of his people: A feared and hated one will die by their hand. Short term closing the borders cloud have helped ease tensions between Atlas and the rest of the world but long term it had made things worse

Due to the fall of Beacon it's quite possible the initial attacks that came after can explain why Mantle's defensive wall was so destroyed and ruined by the time of V7. That means that potentially for almost over a year that wall has had no repairs or maintenance  and has had the bare minimum leaving the citizens in a state of constant peril and danger since the fall of beacon

This is further made worse when Ironwood closed off the borders and cut off the chain of supplies and trade not only to Atlas but also to Mantle as well making the kingdom suffer more than it had to. As the original capital, the rise of Atlas reduced Mantle to a shadow of its former self. Streets are run-down, technology is old, security defenses haven't been updated in years, and smog from the mines hangs heavy over the city. People struggle to eke out an existence, depend on dangerous mines for work and experience regular Grimm attacks that the city increasingly struggles to repel. Meanwhile, Atlas hangs in the sky above their heads; a constant reminder of the wealthy elite that is failing to share the wealth that Mantle creates, and a target of Mantle's growing resentment and anger at having been left so far behind.

Ironwood who is again allied with and a member of a secret circle that is supposed to keep the peace and prevent any social unrest that can cause a conflict.  Thus he should have tried to ease the tensions and made the conditions of Mantle better in order to maintain peace. Now I know it's not solely Ironwood’s fault for the state that Mantle is in as he hasn’t been in a position of power for long but still he should have focused on the people instead of preparing for a war that may have never come. A stark contrast to Ozpin’s way of preserving peace and handling threats

Because of his narrow focus and indifference he made things worse as he was only focusing on potential threats that have yet to come instead of focusing on the issues and preventing them before they escalated. After the fall, the embargo and closing of Borders Ironwood concerned himself with preparations for an assumed winnable war instead of trying to restore peace and keep the people on his side. Which is ironic as he was doing this to rally a large force and stop the threat but did not consider that he may have been pushing away potential troops and allies that he would have needed. And only stoked the people's frustrations 

This is mostly due to Ironwood never giving an estimate of time for how long the embargo and the borders would last as well as not giving a clear and believable reason as to why he was doing all of this in the first place. I know he was going to tell Mantle and the world about Salem eventually and he did in V7 but that was only because he was forced to and used it to take out potential threats by baiting them. This is also added with the fact that he really didn’t have any solid proof that would make the people believe him about Salem as well. Due to the frustration of the people it would just sound like made up propaganda and Ironwood shifting blame onto a fake enemy to drive people's attention onto something else. And yes the people believed it but remember they were being evacuated so i don’t think they were buying Ironwood's statement but were just glad that they were being saved.

And in the end it doesn’t even matter as ultimately Ironwood caved in to fear and decided to leave Mantle for dead. Which could have been avoided had Ironwood focused his attention to the needs of people rather than the needs of war. One of the constant themes of the show is that victory is not in strength or in mass numbers but within the small and willing hearts of those that will fight no matter what.

In conclusion Ironwood had played a pivotal role in contributing to all of the conflicts that plague the world of Remnant at present, even if it were minor role he nonetheless helped set the stage for the villains and Salem   

The reason why I say that; as stated in earlier sections: Despite all of his talk about the greater good for the world he really means the greater good of Atlas and by extension himself. He is prioritizing his kingdom above all else at the expense of the other kingdoms and exploits of their people for his kingdom's own personal gain. As well as with holding beneficial technology that could actually benefit and improve the living conditions and way of life of the other kingdoms.

Ironwood’s inability to trust and have faith in people and others to keep the peace ultimately led to him intervening in affairs that he had no right to and with his own belief that his way is what is best had caused the Fall of Beacon and the events and conflicts before and after it.

It was over before it started

Now the Question must be asked what was Ironwood’s plan?

Ironwood throughout the series believed that he could win against Salem, and by the end of volume 7 he still believed that he could win, but in reality he had already lost the moment he tried to start a war.

To quote Ruby as she asked Ozpin: what was Ironwood’s plan to stop Salem if he ever had one to begin with? As far back as Volume 2 to Volume 7 Ironwood’s ideas and plans to handle Salem seemed to be; gather a large force, blitz run her stronghold, and destroy her with WMD’s. Most of his plans stem from an appeal to force and intimidation tactics via large numbers with heavy armament. In any other circumstances this could have worked had it been a different kind of villain that wasn’t immortal. As V6 has revealed Salem can’t die through traditional means such as modern warfare thus making Ironwood’s plans and solutions moot and pointless. Once he is told the truth in V7 he still continues down the same path of thinking that has not only failed but enabled the villains goals as well. So it must be asked why does Ironwood not see that his way is flawed and that he was never going to win if he continues down this path?

 Ironwood's numerous conflicts throughout the series occur because he feels he does not need to follow the standards he sets for others; He demands people trust him while showing them none in return. He forces others to sacrifice much for the cause while giving up very little in return. He insists on loyalty when he has turned on others solely because they disagreed with him.

As Volume 7 progresses, he becomes willing to commit increasingly dubious actions in order to oppose Salem. He starts off by imposing a military embargo on Mantle despite the economic hardships said embargo is causing for the civilians on the ground and diverting resources that Mantle needs to rebuild its infrastructure to build a comm tower at Amity Colosseum. By the end of the volume, he's degenerated into declaring full martial law, abandoning Mantle to die, and either attacking or having arrested anyone who opposes him.

Salem and her faction were a tumor that can only be handled with the surgical precision of a scalpel not with the bulk of a fleet or large armies. The Huntsmen were that scalpel and to be specific the Huntsmen that Oz had chosen as they were meant to protect all people and prevent conflicts without personal bias or desire. Ironwood only acted in the self interest of Atlas and the benefits that he would gain from it

Ozpin’s priority had always been the people, no matter where they came from. However, I think he was once in Ironwood’s shoes.  I am pretty sure he tried everything, including the same things Ironwood did, and saw it fail horribly. Ozpin or at least the soul, has had centuries to millennia's of experience in fighting Salem and managing the world. The delicacy of the human mind and heart are something he is well acquainted with, and I think he already knew what type of person Ironwood was, or at least was becoming.  Near as I can tell, the big reason he kept Ironwood on at this point was because Ironwood had the resources and technology he needed to keep his plan moving forward and wouldn’t relinquish them.

Ozpin worked hard to maintain the peace and goodwill of the people.  Ironwood, so far, has not.  Having robot sentries on every corner without the concept of morals and stopping trade for a kingdom that can not easily generate its own resources, as well as hoarding those resources and preventing necessary repairs and aid to those people–those actions all show that he is not keeping this important aspect of leadership. He is not making sure that the people are on his side so when he needs them because he does not consider their needs as important unless they are in line with his own

Even with the Knowledge of the truth of Salem’s immortality he is still sacrificing everyone and everything else for nothing just to keep up the illusion that he is the hero and to keep his source of power high in the clouds away from anyone who really needs it

I may have been a little harsh on Ironwood for his actions, especially V7 and I understand the circumstances that led to escalation by the end of the volume.  He was making dubious decisions but he was trying to do better, he listened at times and tried to show an extension of trust, the kids with giving them the lamp back, and later with Robyn at the dinner. These were due to the positive influences of Oz.  He just fell back to old habits hard and turned to extremes when it became clear he had non control of what was happening by V7 end. He was struggling with old habits and opening up and was doing better that first part of the night a prime example of what the creators meant if Ironwood had been more open and trusting of others but when everything went down he was pushed over the edge in the latter half of the night cementing his fall and decent into an antagonist further making the problem worse as he has always done. This is mostly due to his primary source of influence; Atlas (which we can agree has been the biggest source of conflict in the show so far) and probably his lack of understanding and planning for what comes after all is said and done.

What did you think would happen?

The question must be asked; What happens after Salem? The fandom has pretty much each their own idea of what might happen after Salem is finally defeated. But do the characters know what happens after the war especially Ironwood? As the end of the hero’s journey goes; Nothings the same after you become a hero. And given Ironwood’s behavior and actions before his fall in Gravity, Ironwood seemed to have ambitions and plans in the works for the long run after Salem was no longer a threat. As stated before in I am Machine no one is truly altruistic to the point that they do something that doesn’t benefit them. So what exactly did Ironwood want after Salem was gone to the point that most if not all his actions and decisions were in the effort to reach and make those plans come true?

As stated in Broken Kingdom Ironwood doesn’t really have any personal desires or motivations that aren’t related to Atlas or the Heroes common goal to stop Salem. As far as we can tell Ironwood has no current family members at present and there's very little that tells us that he has anything in mind outside of either Atlas or Salem ,so what does Ironwood have to gain from this conflict?

All hail the conquering Hero

Ironwood’s biggest issue is that he has to be the center of everything, that he has to be in control. First he’s going to try and gain control with his army, while trying to wrangle anyone else back under his control. Then, when it becomes clear that anyone who has a plan that better and could work, he’s going to get competitive, come up with new and crazy superweapons to throw against the enemy in an attempt to prove that he can defeat Salem before the heroes can gather allies from across Remnant. He believes that He is strong, that He is brave, that He doesn’t need to run to anybody for help! He believes that he is the hero and is letting his self entitlement cloud his mind and it has gotten the better of him

 An In-Universe example of this false belief comes from RWBY: Amity Arena as it  gives bios to every character in the game compiled by the In-Universe developers. While many try to be objective, the ones representative of the Atlas Elite tend to demonstrate a notable bias, most prevalent with the General's. His bio is very defensive of him, calling him the "hero of our time" and that he wears the burden of the world on his shoulders, talking him up as a Hero with Bad Publicity. The bio goes as followed;

General Ironwood. The hero of our time and Atlas' greatest protector. Under the general, we have advanced to incredible heights, discovered new technologies, and created the world's first artificial intelligence. Though horrifyingly revealed at Amity Arena, Penny is our proud foray into sentient AI, and Ada is the culmination of the machine learning we have long developed in our labs.

As reviled as he was for his misguided attempt to protect Vale, how can the world fault our General when the culprits are out there? How can the victims be blamed for the sins of the perpetrators? Is incompetence somehow a greater sin than premeditated evil? Our General may have failed to protect Beacon, but he's not the one that hacked our weapons into hurting the innocent.

Yet... he wears that burden on his shoulders like he is alone in the world...

Ozpin, missing. Lionheart, dead. Theodore, uncertain. We say Atlas is the greatest, the mightiest... the city in the clouds, but what is first place when there is no competition? Yet, our kingdom and our General... we're the best chance that humanity's got... which scares us to death.

Menagerie?

...what about it?

After reading that you can probably see through the propaganda, hypocrisy and ego that are written in the bio. A key factor to note is that this was possibly made after the main heroes arrived in Atlas and before the election night. And since there's been no contact or travel between the kingdoms and Ironwood was aware of Leo's status by worst case scenario  it tells us that the heroes have shared everything with Ironwood in regards to those events concerning Haven.

 Since Ironwood is looked up to as a god by his subordinates and since he was the one of the only few to have known about them as well as to have the status to make any key choices since the app is made by atlas scientists contracted to the military. Thus Ironwood had used it and the blind loyalty of his loyalists to make propaganda and shift the blame from himself to something else as well as try to emotionally manipulate the people by making them sympathize with him while ignoring the truth.

He is not Remnant's only hope nor is he the best choice.

This is another example of his never my fault montra and he does things right and its further shown in the bio as it not only continues to discredit the other Headmasters(I am well aware of leo) but ignores all the good and actual heroism of other people like the Faunus of Menagerie as they are to the primary reason as to why Haven didn’t become the next Beacon and as stated before in an earlier section the opportunity for the Battle of Haven was in a way created by Ironwood who had chosen to flee and protect his city instead of preventing an attack like he had originally intended with Vale.

It may also show how much Ironwood believes in his own hype as it does paint him as some sort of de facto king of Atlas. Again he views himself as the chosen savior of the chosen people and that it is his destiny to rule and change the world as he sees fit. Or as Watts puts it the Giant that stands above all

I’m the Captain now

I think it's safe to say that almost everything he does is a twisted version of Ozpin's ways as well as to place himself as Remnant's ultimate leader as he believes he is the one that can ensure a safe and secure world. Ever since his debut he has undermined everything that Ozpin has done and stood for because he believes his ways aren’t efficient ( Or beneficial) to him and has been systematically taking power and control away from him and placing himself as the new big good.

He wants to be the New warrior king and change the world as he sees fit as he only sees Ozpin as either a failure or a hindrance to him and his plans. Combine that with his Atlas ideology and a lot of things make sense. I mentioned in the False chosen one that Ironwood may have been influenced and tried to emulate the Warrior king as to better rise and gain power and correct the supposed mistakes of Ozpin. Even though that he has claimed to be doing it for the greater good of all of Remnant but  he really means only Atlas and himself

A world Reborn in my image

A major factor to consider is that Ironwood is a by-product of Atlas that was a by-product of Ancient Mantle. Ironwood is essentially a living mouthpiece for Atlas. He pretty much the living embodiment of the kingdom if it were a character. That's the sad truth of Ironwood is that he is simply an extension of this toxic environment and tricked into believing that its this ideal society when  in truth it never was.  In other words a legacy of tyranny lives on through Ironwood

We’re all aware of the origins of Atlas and its rise to prominent power. It started out as Mantle that began with a handful of people that prospered by adapting to the harsh conditions by making advanced technology faster than the rest of the world. It eventually formed a trade  alliance with Mistral trading tech for food. A grimm  incident occurs and Mantle thought being cold emotionless robots was a perfect solution. It tried to force its toxic ideology onto other civilizations and was met with mixed results. The Great war happens they lose and all of their resources are spent forcing it to rebuild its economy that eventually gives way to Atlas

Now how does this affect Ironwood?

Well Mantle through its alliance with ancient Mistral possibly adopted their ideals of imperialism and expansion as Mistral was the world's largest territorial economic empire of its time. When it comes to the rise of an empire and the type they are as well as their need for expansion it can be summed up to these 3 

Economic empire

Ideological empire

Territorial empire

Due to Mantle's lack of essential resources like food and energy, its early days were more or less focused on establishing a strong economic trade empire in order to get the essential supplies needed to sustain life in solitas. After its great depression period after the War the kingdom's economy began to grow at a rapid rate that by the time the kingdom shifted to Atlas it had Remnants largest economic empire.

This is also an important factor to consider since the sad truth of it all is that as long people can make a stable income and support themselves, they are more than likely to turn a blind eye to any shady or immoral activities so long as there's something to gain. What does this have to do with Ironwood you ask? Well as his bio card said Ironwood has pretty much been proclaimed as the kingdoms benefactor for its prosperity. This may have been due to his Corperate alliance with The Schnee’s since it was Mostly Nicolas and Jaques as far as we know being the most prominent reason as to why Atlas has prospered. 

When Ironwood formed that alliance with the SDC it gave him at least half of the power and influence of the company that was truly responsible for the kingdom's wealth and claiming it as his own. Once he had gotten some control over the economy it was time to move onto the next step and increase the empire from economic to Ideological or Political expansion.

Empires change and adapt in order to satisfies their needs now that Ironwood is the de facto head of that empire and given what we know about him and Atlas it is quite possible that he has been indoctrinated to have this desire to create an empire for Atlas as the politics and ideologies of its people have given it a false sense of entitlement and need to have everything under their control.

When looking at it from V1 to V3, it looks as if Ironwood was trying to occupy without resorting to force then you're left asking the real questions like "Why is ironwood selling the people of Vale on Atlas military Technology?" "Why is it that when a breach happens in vale, Atlas Bots rush in?" "Why did Ironwood make a power play to become the security of the Vytal Tournament?" It all seems to point to the same thing, Ironwood wanted control over Vale

A section of Lyrics from the song “When it Falls” may help reveal Ironwoods true intentions since his introduction and to be honest they seem relevant only to him and given his actions this is mostly likely the truth as they go like this; 

“They play the part of allies

Claiming peace their only goal

But once the fight for power starts

They'll eat each other whole

Their iron gloves point fingers

They'll wage a war of blame

And mankind will wilt in pain”

As of V7 aren’t those words mostly relevant to Ironwood? After all, what has he done recently? He claims to be an ally with intentions of peace but he’s really trying to control those who buy that lie and escalates the situation to the extreme for no logical reason other than to set the stage for the next part in relation to the lyrics.

After all is said and done the fight for power will start and he wants to win and consume everyone before they can consume him. And as things go wrong he points his metal hands blaming everyone but himself as he tries to gain control and power, the world suffers.

Ever since his debut he has been trying to amass  Political power which would lead to a territorial empire under Atlasian control. Playing into the theory that he does want to be a better version of Oz he wouldn’t make the same mistakes that he assumed the king  did by letting the kingdoms remain independent instead of being under the control of one.

A king has his reign and then he dies

To continue on with the theory that he is essentially a bastardized version of Oz, Ironwood may have been trying to find ways as to make himself immortal 

Another reason as to why he would see Ozpin as inferior is due to the fact that for all his power he can’t stop himself from dying, or at least maintain the same amount of world power and status from his last life. This may have given Ironwood ideas and ambitions to pursue any methods that may yield results that may make him a true immortal version of Oz hence why he most likely authorized the research and development of the aura transfer technology as a means to artificial reincarnate till proper immortality was achieved.

This could also be another reason as to why he may have chosen the Penny project. As it could lead to a way of extending his life as a means of transhumanism; immortality through technology

To reiterate Ironwood doesn’t trust anyone to do things right so he micromanages everyone under his control and makes them dependent on him. This is best seen with Winter and Clover as Winter would side with a madman as opposed to siding with her sister and clover’s inability to think for himself led to his death. 

Due to his lack of faith in people Ironwood makes them less independent and make them rely on him as  he may believe if everyone is dependent on him then the more control that he will have over them as to better determine who is a threat as the people he controls are more or less robots now without a conscious or sense individuality and are less likely to commit evil acts. Similar to ancient Mantle’s anti life policies before the war.

If he believes that to be the case and since he only trusts himself to see it through he’s going to try and find ways to make him live as long as possible until his methods become autonomous. Because of his lack of faith for others Ironwood doesn’t understand or refuses to understand the fact that he is going to die one day and everything that he has ever accomplished will be undone by the ultimate victor; TIME.

This is sadly the likely outcome as everything changes through the passage of time. As time moves so does the advancement of decay upon the world. Ironwood is already dying by aging and all that he has achieved will be undone or outdone by others that will come after him. The same thing can be said for everyone else in the show as they already lost. 

Ruby, Oz, Cinder, even Salem herself have already lost to time. Everything they have or will achieve will be undone as well and one day they will all die. It’s just a matter of how and when. 

To better explain let's take a look at Epsilon’s final speech from RVB season 13;

“There are so many stories where some brave hero decides to give their life to save the day, and because of their sacrifice, the good guys win, the survivors all cheer, and everybody lives happily ever after. But the hero... never gets to see that ending. They'll never know if their sacrifice actually made a difference. They'll never know if the day was really saved. In the end, they just have to have faith.”

Does Ironwood have faith in anyone that's not under his control? 

People only do wrong when the perceived benefits outweigh the cost in that moment. Ironwood doesn’t just see an opportunity to stop Salem he also sees an opportunity to bring the world under Atlasian control with him at the top. Since he has amassed so much power and authority he sees himself above the rules that everyone respects and follows. Because of this Ironwood tries to hold unto that power because without he is nothing and would become a lesser and weaker being which would be an affront to his perfectionist ideologies

If your nothing without it then you don’t deserve it

Take away Ruby’s Silver eyes and what is she? Someone that will continue to fight no matter what

Take away Atlas from Ironwood and what is he? Nothing but a broken man who had this coming for a long time.

As I stated in I am power Ironwood by himself has nothing to contribute to the fight against Salem. Let's face it the only thing that he had going for him was the fact that he lead the Military and as we later find out that Military isn’t going to be useful against Salem since the key concept of the show since V1 was that there is no victory in strength but in the simpler things in life that start with simple and honest souls. 

How does this concern Ironwood? 

Well that's just it Ironwood was never going to win with his methods and he was never going to get the benefits that he wanted if he followed someone else with theirs. Again Ironwood had plans and ambitions after Salem that saw him as the ruler of the world instead of her, and controlled it so that a threat like her or any threat to his power would never come again. This is probably what he thought would happen before being told of her immortality. 

Now with the knowledge that he can’t destroy her and that she’s coming he decides to cut his losses and settle with ruling the city instead and leave the rest of the world in her mercy instead of accepting the fact that he is wrong and relinquishing power to someone that can handle the situation better. Remnant doesn’t need Ironwood to survive. This is the biggest problem with Ironwood that he thinks he is the hero so long as he is in control of Atlas. Because without it he is truly nothing and has defined his whole existence around it. And will continue to make whatever plans to keep himself in power and is willing to pay the price at the expense of others.

“What if all the plans you made,

Were not worth the price they paid?

Even with the lives you stole,

Still no closer to your...

Goal.”

He never cooled the fire but he still incites the crowd for he can't see what he has  become a crown with no kingdom

Ironwood had only played to win and he would laugh at the ones who lose while millions are shouting out for him to stop but he Still lit the fuse

He says he wants to fight but Then he always runs because he doesn't want to die yet he Still shoots the loaded gun escalating things for the worse

His refusal to see the faults in his own actions. Ironwood continually defaults to and relies on methods and actions that have repeatedly been proven to not work because he refuses to see the error in using said methods to begin with.

This isn’t your story James

One of the important aspects to remember is that this isn’t Ironwood’s story. His entire character and story revolves around the main protagonists and how he interacts with them and more importantly what role he played in it. Ironwood started out as a side character that ended up getting a lot of focus because the story of  Team RWBY and the show in general is to show how the last generation can fail the next and how that generation has to learn and grow so it can avoid the mistakes of the past. 

Before we delve further into Ironwood’s true character in the show let us explore whether or not he was an antagonistic or protagonistic force in the story. Keep in mind these terms are different from hero and villain. Below are several definitions and meanings for the 2 narrative characters types;

Antagonist

a person who actively opposes or is hostile to someone or something; an adversary.

a person who is opposed to, struggles against, or competes with another; opponent; adversary. the adversary of the hero or protagonist of a drama or other literary work

Protagonist

the leading character or one of the major characters in a drama, movie, novel, or other fictional text.

an advocate or champion of a particular cause or idea.

In modern literature, the protagonist drives the story forward by pursuing a goal. 

The protagonist of a story is sometimes called the main character. 

Since this is RWBY’s story and to an extent Oz’s, Ironwood(and Atlas to an extent) was always meant to be an antagonistic force in opposition to the show's true ideals of  heroism and saviors. 

The antagonist is the principal source of conflict for the protagonist. Often, the antagonist is a bad guy, a villain, but he doesn't necessarily have to be. He may just be someone who has a different agenda. Antagonists might be one person, a group, or even an animal.

Due to the beliefs that his methods are for the best even though they contradict the intentions that were thought to be shared by the heroes Ironwood was always going to become an Antagonist for the series at some point

Volume 7 slowly sees him fall into this, as his paranoia and determination to stop Salem cause him to perform increasingly questionable decisions for the greater good. While Qrow, Oscar, and Teams RWBY and JNPR support Ironwood, they increasingly debate the merit of doing so, given how concerned they're becoming with his behavior. When Cinder breaks into his office and plants a black queen, Ironwood sends Winter to forcefully take the Winter Maiden's powers, and he begins to question every decision he's made and speculate whether he's played right into Salem's hands. His confrontation with Team RWBY over their decision to leak intel to Robyn triggers the appearance of a Seer Grimm, forcing him into a verbal confrontation with Salem. With the discovery that the conflict with Watts and Tyrian distracted them from realizing they'd lost long-range sensors and that Salem is already on her way to Atlas, Ironwood snaps. He orders the arrest of Qrow, Oscar, and Teams RWBY and JNPR, and decides to abandon Mantle to die in an effort to prevent the two Relics and the Winter Maiden from falling into Salem's hands. Volume 7 ends with him and the protagonists actively opposed to each other, as his refusal to acknowledge that his methods are flawed and his opposition towards anyone who might stand in his way solidifies him as an antagonist.

The events of Volume 7 slowly but surely tear away at the positive aspects of his character as he succumbs to fear and paranoia, and questions whether Salem's strength comes from her ability to strip away her humanity. By the end of the volume, he has degenerated into a paranoid tyrant who abandons Mantle in favor of saving Atlas, is willing to kill a dying Winter Maiden to protect the Relics from Salem, and arrests the heroes for disagreeing with him. At the end of the volume, Oscar even points out that Ironwood's actions and current mentality make him no better than Salem.

 His character deconstructs the mindset of the Necessary Evil character archetype. He declares his willingness to sacrifice his reputation and humanity for the greater good by forcing others to sacrifice for his cause. Characters constantly question the morality of his choices and his own actions create consequences that later bite him in the ass. His lack of concern over his image and the negativity his actions generate serve only to assist Salem's plans and increasingly alienate him from the heroes. He appoints himself the judge of what counts as the "greater good", he neglects Mantle's security and makes it increasingly vulnerable to attack by viewing it as less important than Atlas. Oscar lampshades the deconstruction by pointing out that being willing to sacrifice all of Remnant just so "a few can live" is making him just as dangerous a threat as Salem.

In a way Salem and Ironwood are also foils to each other as they appear to be dark lords from their respective genres 

Ironwood being the syfy equivalent clad in white to convey the false message of order and peace while masking evil intentions and crimes 

Salem being the Fantasy equivalent clad in black to emanate a sense of Mystery and fear of the unknown while using it to her advantage

Discussed between Ironwood and Oscar. Ironwood spends Volume 7 utterly haunted by how Leo's fear of Salem destroyed him and endangered Mistral and Haven. He is so determined not to end up like Leo, that he doesn't realize what mistakes his own fear of Salem is causing. While Leo completely submitted to Salem and became her puppet, he has full self-awareness and knows exactly how far he's fallen and why. Ironwood cannot accept that he has any fear of Salem at all and interprets the problem as possessing "humanity". He believes Salem is a threat because she has none and speculates that the solution is to become the same. He becomes increasingly controlling over his kingdom and his allies; regardless of how much suffering his methods cause, he persists in believing it's for "the greater good". While Leo is willing to give up the Relic of Knowledge and his kingdom's Huntsmen, Ironwood is so determined to prevent Salem getting the Relics, his Huntsmen and the Winter Maiden, and thereby avoid Leo's mistakes, that he travels in the opposite direction, becoming a dangerous authoritarian instead of a spineless coward.

Ironwood has made it clear that he will use whatever means necessary to defeat Salem. When Team RWBY calls out his decision to raise Atlas out of Salem's reach, he calmly says he's aware that he is essentially damning Mantle to her wrath. He later tells Oscar that he is done letting others' opinions hold him back from doing what he thinks is right. The boy warns him that he'd become as dangerous as Salem herself like that; the general simply nods to himself but doesn't deny it.

This is who he has always been. The only difference is the more desperate he becomes, the more extremes he goes to to maintain the illusion he is strong and in control of the situation.

During Ozpin's speech, notice how this unique line of dialogue is purposely inserted over Ironwood's last scene of  Volume 7.

“Or will the person staring back at you be the very thing you should have feared from the start? I suppose we all find out... sooner or later.”

As the other parts of the speech are relevant to the other characters shown in the montage This specific line cements the Truth of Ironwood's character being a threat that was planned for a very long time. Going with the show's themes of Grey morality and the balance of light and dark, we are to learn of the possibility that with the potential to do great good also comes with the potential to do great evil. 

As we were focused on the obvious threats in the show like the grimm, the white fang, Cinder, and Salem we are tricked to neglect the obvious signs of evil intent that are hidden and growing  among the heroes. The real monsters of the world aren’t the ones with fangs and red eyes hiding under your bed, No the real monsters of the world look just like you and me. After all if we assume everyone is like us then how can we tell who the real monsters are, that are hiding in plain sight. 

Ironwood’s evil nature and antagonism  was subtle and growing under the skewed perception that he was the hero and that he was right. But this comes down to the fact that he is only in it for himself and what he has to gain from it. 

I understand that James Ironwood was a tragic character even from his introduction, and the seeds for his volume 7 turn were planted in volume 2. I eventually recognized that RT was setting up this pivotal plot point way back in the day and now they are harvesting what they had sown.  

Ironwood didn’t snap when he found out RWBY lied to him. He was content, even after he defeated Watts. He snapped as soon as he saw Cinder’s present. The Queen piece. He unraveled immediately and, sure, the discovery of RWBY’s lies didn’t help,  but it wasn’t the cause for Ironwood’s descent.

 He genuinely means well in opposing Salem and her forces, but his severe paranoia complex, exacerbated by the stress of being one of the only ones in the know about Salem and having to explain his actions to the skeptical populace and council, cause his decisions to degenerate over time. By the end of Volume 7, he becomes willing to abandon everyone in Mantle to die, violently lashes out at anyone who opposes him, and manages to undo all of the hard work he's accomplished by second-guessing his own actions.

James Ironwood is undoubtedly a fascinating character that has this certain appeal to most people. I  can understand Ironwood's viewpoint but it is not the same as forgiving or condoning as good. Sure, I thought him intervening in affairs that he had no right to was a skewed perception, but I understood where he was coming from. I thought him ignoring the concerns and advice of people was reckless, but I also kind of understood  his limitations and his upbringing. But in all honesty I was neutral about Ironwood ever since he debuted and didn’t think he had much to contribute to the story besides being the guy with an army along with the pride and arrogance that comes with.

Because of that Ironwood was always an antagonistic force in RWBY with ideals and plans that contradict the established ideals and motivations that are already shared with the world of Remnant. He just simply couldn’t fit in and when he tried he didn’t like it. When he tried to change it and take charge he only made things worse. Ironwood had potential to be good and a proper hero due the influence of Oz but his pride and ego that he got from Atlas got the better of him and now the show's true heroes will have to fix the problems that he has caused.

Summary

[sneezefiction]

you’re my adventure

Nishinoya x Reader - Scenario

desc: engagements and soft moments

a/n: a request from @curlykoo for some fluffy, sweet Noya! i’m sorry I couldn’t pull off a sequel to the angsty noya fic, but I hope this makes you smile <333 thank you so much for requesting + waiting ! (my titles get cheesier every time i post lmao)

warnings: none! (legit, you’re gonna b smothered in fluff)

wc: 1500

---

“Keep your eyes covered, y/n.” Nishinoya says, leading you gently by your hand to a destination in the open air.

Midsummer nights are never chilly, but you wouldn’t have minded a small jacket or cardigan.

He’d planned for your ultimate comfort and, with your eyes still closed, envelops you in a light, fluffy blanket. He knows you well.

So you trust him and keep walking, one hand in his, the other grasping the blanket on your shoulder.

Your feet finally tap the side of a small curb, and with that he says,

“Now open!” In a nervously, excited whisper.

---

Noya exists for the purpose of adventure. To know and taste every sensation. To feel ridged mountainsides. To hunt for new experiences. Capturing every living, breathing thing in a mental photo. Documenting each distinct memory.

Novelty is forever fleeting, but some are born to find it. Again and again and again.

And that’s Nishinoya for you. Always finding, forever searching.

But for so long, he’s done it alone.

And, he supposes, alone isn’t… bad.

It’s true, there’s freedom in venturing by himself. He’s free to do as he pleases, whenever he pleases.

No one to look out for, nothing to tie him down.

Just endless journeys for him to explore.

But there’s a point when “alone” simply becomes “lonely.”

And that shift was a hard pill to swallow… because to settle down and stifle the “lonely” seemed to mean he had to lose his true love. Adventure.

Little did he know, the true adventure was about to start as you made your entrance into his life.

---

It’s Friday once again.

And Fridays are deemed exploration days by your bubble-machine of a boyfriend, Nishinoya.

Thus it makes sense that the week is incomplete, if not absolutely suffocating to him, if he hasn’t had a chance to leave your snug apartment to feel grass below his feet and the rustle of wind through his hair.

You usually give him space to go off, self-examine, and explore by himself. It’s something he’s always needed to do and it’s never gotten in the way of your relationship.

If anything it made you love him and his unique spirit even more.

However, every once in a while, he’ll want you to join him.

Tonight just happens to be one of those nights. No rhyme or reason to it.

It’s not the most unusual request, but as you asked “where to,” he refused you an answer.

Yet, the sparkle in his eye told you that he was hiding something.

Something significant.

Something special he just had to share with you.

So you let him take you by the hand, pulling you toward this secret destination.

---

“And open!”

It takes you a moment to realize where you are.

It’s exactly where you had your first date with this spiky-haired boy. The roof of the parking garage.

You fondly remember blue tongues and sugary, sweet lips from the slushies Noya had bought you back then. How he chased you after you ruffled-up his hair, letting you think you could get away, but catching up with you in no time. How when he caught you, he cupped your cheeks, staring into your eyes adoringly.

You shared many long, devoted kisses that night. Delicate touches. Conversations about passions and desires.

Since then, you’ve been attached at the hip.

Y’all rarely revisited that exact spot, deeming it a “sacred place” meant only for perfect moments and irreversible discussions and decisions. Your heart is racing.

The lot is comfortably empty, a brilliant full moon above you acting as the primary light source.

Before you are a pile of pillows and blankets, a small cluster of candles, and… of course…

Those truly iconic blue slushies.

You’re at a loss for words.

He leads you to his setup, letting you get comfortable enough to fully take in the scene.

It’s romantic.

Divine.

Unbelievably thoughtful.

For someone so carefree, you forget just how much beauty and ambiance matters to Nishinoya. Every last detail is there, pristine yet cozy. The location and atmosphere, perfect.

You break the silence,

“Noya, this is… stunning.” Your mouth hangs open slightly, in awe of the scene set before you.

That he cared so deeply for this very moment, for you, to do all of this.

“I just- I- Even the slushies!” You’re laughing, words coming out in jumbles.

So you slouch down into the pillow, legs curled into your chest, hands resting on your knees.

The stars overhead are completely outshone by your wide, sparkling eyes.

“So what’s all this for, baby? It’s not our anniversary, y’know?” You smile, genuinely curious and a little nervous.

Your usually chatty, animated boyfriend is completely silent.

He wordlessly gets down on his knees in front of you and sets his hands on top of yours.

Taking both of them into his own, he waits a minute, stroking them with his thumb.

He then takes the deepest breath he can muster,

“Y/n… all my life I’ve wanted to be free.” He starts, voice shaky.

“You know how much I love adventure...” 

You nod slowly, your eyes shining as they meet his, 

“and I’ve had my fair share of them.” He expresses with a smile on his lips, picturing one of those precious moments right now.

And suddenly, his words gain strength and confidence.

“But I never realized that I could feel this free. Especially not with someone else by my side.”

Your heart skips a beat. 

This isn’t any old conversation anymore.

No, this pertains to you. Your relationship. Your Noya.

“Y/n… you should know, my old life pales in comparison to these past two years I’ve spent with you.” He states boldly, no longer wavering.

“Those 22 years don’t match up to the amount of life I get to share with you now.”

He can hear his heart beating out of his chest.

“You’re my adventure, y/n.” He reveals, his face warm, but heart even warmer.

And the happiest of tears are dripping down your chin, onto his hands.

“I want you to know that out of every amazing mountaintop I’ve climbed, you’re better than it’s peak.”

“Not even the bluest, clearest ocean, the steepest waterfall, or the most beautiful flower can compete with all the wonderful things I’ve experienced with you.”

He shifts and shuffles to grab something out of his pocket.

But, of course, he drops it first.

Nishinoya let’s the most comical gasp you’ve ever heard, escape his lips.

You laugh, tears falling faster, but youe smile growing so wide your face begins to hurt.

He recovers the item quickly and mentally kicks himself for ruining the vibe like the complete goof he actually is.

But it’s clear what’s going on.

It’s barely made visible by the moonlight and the subtle glimmer of candles...

but there’s a small, velvet box in the palm of his hand.

Even though you’d already begun to expect it, you can’t help put both of your hands over your mouth in shock.

“Y/n, I’m gonna need your hands back, please.” He laughs, knowing his secret is out now.

“Because, you see… I have this ring…” He pauses,

“...and I kinda want you to wear it for the rest of your life.”

He gazes at you for a moment longer, soaking in your reaction.

“Please marry me, y/n!” The words fall out his mouth in the most Noya way.

It feels just like a movie.

Where the whole world ceases to spin and gravity releases its hold on the both of you for just a moment. 

Because you suddenly no longer feel anything but his touch. His gaze. His nearness.

You remove the shaky hand from your mouth and reach it out to him.

He wraps his fingers around your palm tenderly, carefully placing a simple, but beautiful diamond-studded engagement band on your ring finger.

Of course, you take a second to examine the ring... but your eyes slowly drift back to admire your real treasure.

Your eyes meet his again.

But this time, it’s not just your boyfriend.

This is your future husband.

And the pent-up energy is too much for Noya, so he moves on to what he does best:

He full-on tackles you in the biggest, most life-giving hug you’ve ever received.

You’re thrown back onto more blankets, your head guarded by his hand so it doesn’t touch the ground.

You’re both giggling and gasping for air from, the tears you just spilled leaving you breathless.

And you lay there, chest to chest, his head laying on your shoulder.

It takes a moment, but Nishinoya lets out one last sigh before shifting to lay down next to you.

In your eyes, he sees everything.

He sees endless opportunities. Countless journeys.

And he cannot wait to pursue all of it.

He does his best to express this with simple, but bold words,

“I can’t wait to explore every part of life with you.” His head tilting to face you, your fingers now interlocked with his.

Your heart is bursting, unable to contain the joy you’re experiencing…

Yet all you can say is, 

“Yes… me too, Noya. I love you so much.”

---

tags:  @cherryonigiri

[thebluelemontree]

What was Littlefinger thinking when he kissed Sansa after they built the snow castle? Did he plan for Lysa to see? I don't understand what his plan was, it seems like a big gamble to make hoping she'd see, then disposing of her.

I think it's a mistake to assume everything Littlefinger does is planned to a T. He is highly intelligent. He does have a rough sketch of some long-term goals, and he can logically follow through on each progressive step, but he is mostly a great opportunist and highly adaptable. There is another side to him, though. His ego and selfishness can also make him downright impulsive and reckless at times. It could be enjoying the thrill of taunting his enemies unawares with hints of his guilt or crossing moral boundaries to indulge his whims without a thought to the consequence. He doesn't seem to think there is any possible consequence that he can't manage since he boasts that he "thrives in chaos." 

Petyr just kissed her because he wanted to. From the start of their interaction, his thoughts are made known by the lascivious way he asks if he can "come into her castle." Stepping into the snow castle scene was stepping into his fantasy: a beautiful, vulnerable ingenue in need of his help. A highborn trophy girlfriend/protege that he can mold and guide in building something together. He's trying to create an invaluable and intimate connection by offering his knowledge and experience to give her her heart's desire. This is a remade Winterfell with Petyr and Catelyn 2.0 at the helm. With his Stark and Tully enemies wiped out, its a symbol that he won, and they lost. He can now claim what he feels should have been his all along. It's the ultimate boner, so he felt emboldened to top it off with an embrace.    

"I told you that nothing could please me more than to help you with your castle. I fear that was a lie as well. Something else would please me more." He stepped closer. "This."

This reads more like an impulsive escalation to their relationship, an urge he feebly tried to suppress, but is going to indulge in now anyway. He can't seem to maintain the guise of father and daughter that he insisted upon as the safest and most believable cover story. It's a reckless transgression out in the open for anyone to see, but he couldn't be bothered to care about that when he's drunk on the scene’s potency. Sansa even says he sounds like Marillion when he was drunk and forcing himself on her at the wedding.  

So how did he get from here to killing Lysa if none of this was planned? Here's how it went down:

Petyr has been away from the Eyrie for some time, visiting with characters that will eventually become his allies. As a result, Lysa is a very lonely newlywed bride, which will add more fuel to her insecurities and anxieties. Because Sansa resembles Catelyn so much, this already has Lysa on-edge where her husband is concerned. Petyr is not the only one either. Lysa is extremely possessive of men she covets, and she is easily threatened and angered by younger females. Sansa notes Lysa was displeased by the attention Marillion focused on her and that her aunt has dismissed servants who complained of being sexually assaulted by the bard. On some level, Lysa is itching for a final confrontation and permanent solution to the Sansa problem. She can't stand her niece's presence even though its what Petyr wants, so she tries to diminish Sansa's power and allure by making her dye her hair and betrothing her to her son. These things give Lysa only a fleeting sense of control and security. It's no good. Within a few lines scattered throughout this chapter, GRRM has set Lysa up to be a hairsbreadth away from snapping.     

Lysa saw Sansa playing alone in the snow from her balcony, so she knows her niece's location. She leaves, and a bit more time passes with Sansa trying to build her snow castle. Then Petyr arrives on the scene. He has just come back from the Vale below, but Sansa had not heard any news of his arrival from the servants. This tells us his return to the Eyrie was unexpected, unannounced, and probably happened not long before the scene began. It also tells us the first thing he probably did was seek Sansa out, not his anxiously awaiting wife upstairs. Or if he was on his way to Lysa, he allowed himself to be sidetracked.  

So Lysa is probably told that her husband is home, but he hasn't come to her for a celebratory reunion as she would expect. After he fails to show up in a reasonable amount of time, where would her possessive, jealous mind tell her to look for him? The garden. We know Lysa saw the kiss because she says so, but Sansa never saw Lysa watching her and Petyr. The only reason she forgets Lysa left the balcony before is that she's horrified at Petyr's behavior and frantically tries to remind him that infidelity is wrong. And maybe there was some small hope that her aunt had seen the assault and would use her power to protect her, as at least a decent aunt would. It must have happened very quickly that Lysa saw the kiss and left in a rage. While she is off-page, it seems that she had herself a good cry, hit the wine pretty hard, and plotted with Marillion to have the little bitch brought to the High Hall later that afternoon.

In the High Hall, Lysa accuses Sansa of being a liar and a homewrecker, then tries to murder her. Petyr shows up by way of a passage behind the dais before she can. This may seem like the timing is too perfect for it not to be staged; however, it makes sense that he arrives how and when he does. Petyr would have more than enough reason to think that his wife is up to something not good.  Sansa tells us the High Hall had not been in use since they arrived, so already, it's odd that Lysa is using it outside of holding court. Major alarm bells would go off because that's where the moon door is, and Lysa has ordered the guards to keep anyone from coming in. She doesn't even trust the guards not to intervene once the screaming starts, because she has Marillion bar the doors from the inside. Who is the captain of those guards? Lothor Brune, Petyr's man, and the guy charged with watching over Sansa. He’s well-acquainted with what kind of scumbag Marillion is. These are his men at the door trying to get in. All Petyr needs is for a quick-thinking guard or Lothor Brune himself to inform him of what Lysa has done. He then can rush in through the back way to save time.   

Of course, it doesn't seem like Petyr ever intended to stay married to Lysa for very long. The marriage was merely a stepping stone, and he would have eventually devised some way to be rid of her after securing his own position of power in the Vale. Hence why he has been amassing allies among the nobles and why he got Lysa to appoint him Lord Protector of the Vale soon after they married. Lysa unknowingly hastened her own demise when she started spouting off about poisoning Jon Arryn in front of Sansa and Marillion. Lysa isn't merely an easily manipulated delusional woman in love anymore. She's an unstable loose cannon now. He can no longer trust her to keep her mouth shut or follow through on any plans reliably. He can't even trust her not to kill his most valuable possession. Lysa has outlived her usefulness, Petyr already has everything he needs from her legally, and now she's become a liability. Out the moon door, she goes. Marillion gets framed for it. Problem solved, stories are straight, and witnesses neatly wrapped up.  

If Petyr hasn't been in the Eyrie for several days, you can see how unlikely (if not impossible) it would be for Petyr to plan for Lysa to be in that exact place at that exact time when he could not have foreseen that Sansa would be in the garden in the first place. Even if he saw Lysa watching them and decided to use the opportunity to kiss Sansa in her view, why is this necessary or even practical? Sansa may have been seconds away from being thrown to her death. There is no way he could have orchestrated this with such precision that she was actually in no real danger. 

I would say the idea of framing Marillion for Lysa's eventual untimely death was something Petyr already had simmering in his mind. The Vale nobles hated the singer, they hated the way Lysa showered him with unseemly gifts, and they've wanted to see him gone a long time. No one is going to care if he meets his end in a sky cell. Lysa herself is also extremely unpopular with the nobles for many reasons.  No one is going to miss her or her disastrous reign that much, either. I think Petyr could have worked out any number of scenarios that Marillion could kill Lysa in a fit of jealousy since they were known to be inappropriately close. The circumstances that GRRM built-up make the execution of that plan become an immediate necessity and very plausible all on its own.   

[pally1985]

closer look at the relationship between zues and aphrodite and athena. and why its deeper than you think.(part 1)

its going to be a long one so strap in.

why aphrodite?: Aphrodite was the goddess of erotic love and beauty. Today she is one of the best known goddesses and easily one of the most recognisable. Images such as Botticelli’s *The Birth of Venus* and statues like the *Venus de Milo* are some of the many iconic representations of Aphrodite. Her status as a goddess of love is well documented. Homer, Hesiod, and Euripides have all shown her to be a goddess of great beauty (naked or adorned), seduction, persuasion and passion. She is the divine source of *peitho*, "persuasion," *eros*, "sexual desire" and *himeros* "longing" and Eros was her companion. Hesiod links Aphrodite inextricably to sex with his account of her birth; from the sea where Ouranos’ castrated genitals had been discarded. Before researching this I thought Aphrodite’s remit was limited to love and seduction but there are other sides to Aphrodite that I feel have been a little neglected. Homer repeatedly calls her the Dios thugater (daughter of Zeus) which brings into light the relationship between the Homeric and Hesiodic Aphrodite and Zeus. Aphrodite was the goddess of mixis, the “mingling” of bodies in an intimate physical contact, in a martial and sexual sense. She could also be fiercely protective and brave at times, such as when she rescued Paris from the Battle of Troy. I want to discover why she called Aphrodite Pandemos “She who Belongs to all the People”. Was it because she encompassed so many ideas in one deity?. So it is because of these different and lesser known traits of this deity that I have decided to make this post solely focused on her. I want to explore the little known sides of Aphrodite and in doing so learn a more about her, her interactions with other figures from ancient Greek religion.

Zeus and aphrodite (part 1) In this entry I want to start analysing the relationship between Aphrodite and Zeus. Were they, father and daughter, aunt and nephew, oppressor and rebel or tease and pursuer? From Aphrodite’s birth and marriage, to Zeus’ fatherly instincts and attempted rape, I will look at different examples of the interactions looking into a very complicated relationship between two of the most significant Olympians.

The birth of Aphrodite is a contentious issue as Homer and Hesiod disagree; either she was the daughter of Zeus and Dione or she was created out of the sea where the castrated genitals of Ouranos had floated.

Hesiod believed that Aphrodite was Ouranos’ daughter albeit with an unusual birth. If so then it is understandable that Aphrodite would disobey Zeus over incidences such as her marriage to Hephaistos. She was of an older generation, effectively Zeus’ aunt and therefore not strictly under his control. If she was his daughter then her defiance whilst abnormal is a testament to how powerful she was.

The marriage of Aphrodite to Hephaistos, engineered by Zeus is a key example of Zeus’ power over Aphrodite and then her defiance succeeding. Zeus decided to marry Aphrodite to Hephaistos it was to prevent the desire for her causing conflict amongst the gods. As Aphrodite’s father, or at least as king of the god’s her *kurios,* it was his responsibility to marry her off but as the embodiment of sexual desire it was not in Aphrodite’s nature to be bound by marriage, she was not suitable for this institution. Aphrodite caused the conflict Zeus was trying to avoid when she and Ares were caught in bed. Hephaistos trapped them both in a net of bronze filaments and demanded that the gods come and bear witness to his wife’s lust for Ares. He also demanded that Zeus repay the dowry. According to Cyrino this is an example of Aphrodite being clearly under the parental control of Zeus but I disagree. The significance of this incident lies in the fact that Zeus tried to be in command of Aphrodite but ultimately she still overcame his demands and defied him. He attempted to oppress Aphrodite by making her conform to the norms of Olympian society by becoming a wife, the possession of one male but Aphrodite’s flagrant disobedience, bringing of conflict amongst the gods and subsequent apparent failure to remarry shows her continued dominance over Zeus.

There is no account of Aphrodite remarrying, it seems as though she had a substantial relationship with Ares but no actual wedding and judging by the number of children they had it was more than a casual affair. This would make sense, she was not suited to lifelong fidelity but that does not mean that sexual desire is fleeting; her affair with Ares was very in character. She was never suited to what Zeus had planned. Zeus also played the fatherly role when Aphrodite was hurt in the battle of Troy whilst rescuing Aeneas. Aphrodite’s wrist was wounded and she fled to Dione. Zeus “teasingly rebukes” her by calling her his “dear child” and patronizingly tells her to “take care of the pleasures of love and leave the fighting to Ares and Athena”. Despite seeming weak when running to her parents the fact that she even entered the battle shows her strength and bravery. Zeus displays a caring, fatherly side but his teasing highlights the fact that it would be dangerous for Aphrodite to have access to both love and warfare; she was powerful enough as it is. Jackson says that this scene can be interpreted as Zeus trying to keep Aphrodite away influence in love and war. When telling Aphrodite to take care of the pleasures of love Zeus may have been unaware just how powerful Aphrodite was in this respect. There are many examples of Aphrodite and her son Eros causing gods and mortals to fall in love, for example when Phaedra falls in love her stepson. Euripides describes Eros as her winged partner and her agent in her erotic control.Whether Eros and Aphrodite are active participants in the situation or not as personifications of love and sex they were always responsible for the feelings evoked. Cyrino says that it is the sheer force of Aphrodite’s existence that caused individuals to join together in sexual contact. In this respect all of Zeus’ extra-marital sexual encounters were a result of the force of Aphrodite. Zeus often had to prevent Hera from finding out about his affairs; hence taking disguises when meeting his partners. His desire to sleep with other individuals stems from Aphrodite; she was a major thorn in his side. Hera’s scorn and jealousy towards the children of these liaisons, Dionysus and Heracles for example was a result of Aphrodite’s effect. All the liaisons between deities (and mortals) inappropriate or not were due to Aphrodite. Her power was immense.

The sexual force emanating from Aphrodite made Zeus want to be with Thetis but either Themis or Prometheus told Zeus that a son born by Thetis would be more powerful than the father and would become the ruler of heaven. As a result Zeus arranged for Thetis to marry Peleus. Aphrodite made him desire Thetis, a deity that he could not have without risking his reign. An impossible love is a terrible emotion to feel, Aphrodite was unintentionally asserting herself over Zeus. Her power is making him have feelings that could never be acted upon or reciprocated; Thetis was raised by Hera and frowned upon Zeus’ infidelities. When Zeus united Aphrodite with mortal Anchises it was in response to her serial habit of uniting gods with mortals and then “mocking them all”\[ix\] This has been cited as an example of Zeus demonstrating his supremacy over Aphrodite and whilst he succeeded it does not mean that he was always superior to her. This is a rare occasion when Zeus gives Aphrodite a taste of her own medicine, but in mind this is an isolated incident; Aphrodite actively does this to other individuals regularly and inactively to individuals and animals constantly as she represents sexual desire.

Aphrodite also had enough force to make Zeus desire her. Greek poet, Nonnus, tells us in three fragments of his *Dionysiaca* about the time that Zeus tried to rape Aphrodite.

"once when Kypros \[Aphrodite\] fled like the wind from the pursuit of her lascivious father \[Zeus\], that she might not see an unhallowed bedfellow in her own begetter, Zeus the father gave up the chase and left the union unattempted, because unwilling Aphrodite was too fast and he could not catch her: instead of Kypros' bed, he dropt on the ground the love-shower of seed from the generative plow. Gaia (earth) received Kronion’s fruitful dew, and shot up a strange-looking horned generation \[the kentauroi or centaurs of the island of kypros\]."\[x\]

It is another example of her power over him that she could captivate his desires and then evade his attempts. Eventually when Aphrodite did allow an affair with Zeus Aphrodite became pregnant with the child Priapus.\[xi\] Kerenyi talks of Hera’s anger and jealousy due to Aphrodite pregnancy by her husband and she cursed the unborn Priapos to have unnaturally large genital and he was exiled from Olympus.\[xii\] When Priapus was conceived it was at the discretion of Aphrodite, when she deemed it suitable she then allowed them to sleep together. She teased him with no plan to satisfy him until she was prepared to do so. She was in control of the situation, not Zeus. The relationship between Zeus and Aphrodite is complex but there is another dimension. Zeus greatly favored Athena over Aphrodite she was the lynch pin in the maintenance of his tyranny and the attempted of dominance over Aphrodite. That I shall discuss in Part Two. closer look at the relationship between zues and aphrodite and athena. and why its deeper than you think.(part 2)

### Aphrodite and Zeus Part 2: The Athena Effect: In the last post I looked at the relationship between Zeus and Aphrodite from the starting perspective of them being father and daughter. Aphrodite was often disobedient and took pleasure in humiliating Zeus and many other deities and mortals, but she also posed a much greater threat to Zeus. Aphrodite instigated the Battle of Troy[i], she may have been of an older generation than Zeus and she had control of his sexual desires. However Zeus had a weapon against her; he used Athena who represented everything he could want in a male heir to undermine the fundamental tenets of Aphrodite’s existence. There was animosity between Athena and Aphrodite; at Troy they both supported different sides and Athena could be very scathing towards Aphrodite. After Diomedes wounded Aphrodite’s wrist and she ran to Dione, Athena and Hera taunted her for her efforts on the battlefield.

### “But Athene and Hera, as they looked upon her, sought to anger Zeus, son of Cronos, with mocking words. And among them the goddess flashing-eyed Athene was first to speak: “Father Zeus, wilt thou anywise be wroth with me for the word that I shall say? Of a surety now Cypris [Aphrodite] has been urging some one of the women of Achaea to follow after the Trojans, whom now she so wondrously loveth; and while stroking such a one of the fair-robed women of Achaea, she hath scratched upon her golden brooch her delicate hand.”[ii]

### The competition between them stems their similarities and thier differences. Both were famous for their beauty, hence why Paris had to choose between them. They both possessed a gleaming, golden quality to their beings. Homer records them both has having the attribute of glaukopis; darting or gleaming eyes. He also tells us of how Athena was one the few deities whom Aphrodite's powers had no effect on. Both goddesses have key roles with mortals, Aphrodite makes them mate (with gods also). Athena comes across as a sister and friend to mortals and assists them with powerful gifts and wise council.[v] The animosity arises from a difference of purpose; Athena was celebrated for her mind and wisdom, Aphrodite for her beauty and sensuality. It was also due to Zeus’ relationship with both of them that their animosity grew. The Zeus portrayed by Homer is not an omnipotent ruler; he still faced challenges to his office. Whilst Strauss Clay says that despite the occasional disturbance Zeus’ reign can “no longer be shaken”.[vi] Jackson rebuts that the majority of the divine action in the Iliad is made up of such challenges to his authority. After all if Homer had wanted to show Zeus’s authority as unchallenged then why would the Iliad feature so many subversive elements? Jackson argues that due to this instability Zeus needed someone to help instil order; that someone was Athena. His obvious favouritism of Athena was aimed at subduing Aphrodite. This conflict between him and Aphrodite also highlights the greater conflict between the Zeus and the other gods. Hesiod and Homer have different accounts of Aphrodite’s creation and whilst superficially the two Aphrodite’s appear very different they serve the same purpose relating to Zeus. The Aphrodite in Theogany similar to Athena in that they were both born of one male parent. This created a strong tie with each father; Athena with Zeus and Aphrodite with Ouranos. The place which the two deities sprung out of can also be linked to the characteristics surrounding the father’s reign and the daughter’s actions. Zeus gave birth to Athena out of his head, hence Athena was renowned for her wisdom and Zeus’ reign was “one of the mind”. Hesiod also describes Athena as having “courage and sound council equal to her father’s”[vii] Aphrodite was produced out of Ouranos’ genitals in a act of grotesque violence. In this respect Ouranos’ reign is one filled with “gross physicality”[viii] and Aphrodite is linked with sex and fertility. As Aphrodite was born out of the succession struggle between Ouranos and Kronos then she is linked with the succession process and therefore she poses a danger to Zeus’ reign.[ix]

### Aphrodite’s link with sex and therefore childbirth is a regular source of threat to Zeus. In Hesiod’s family trees he describes the women during conception as literally “dominated in love by golden Aphrodite”. She is inextricably linked with the birth of those who would later challenge Zeus for example Typhon who Zeus would have to engage in single combat to display his right to his throne.[x] When Zeus fell in love with Thetis (due to Aphrodite’s power) then she was setting him up to have a child that would bring instability to his reign. Involved in the conception of dangerous offspring Aphrodite often brings menace to Zeus’s rule. However Zeus’ reign was partly secured by Aphrodite; his repeated infidelity and the children it produced earned him the title of “father of gods and men”[xi]. This infidelity created a network of kin bound to Zeus through love and familial ties.[xii] This network that entrenched his reign stemmed from Aphrodite’s powers over promiscuity; Aphrodite helped establish his reign and Zeus feared she could just as easily demolish it.

### It is in relation to this threat that we must look at Athena again. The creation of Athena was Zeus’ master stroke in maintaining his reign. Both Ouranos and Kronos tried to maintain their reigns by imprisoning their children; Ouranos locked his children in Tartarus and Kronos ate his children, obviously both failing. The way Zeus managed to maintain his rule was by placing all the gifts that would so dangerous in a son (courage, wisdom, skilled hands) in a daughter: Athena.[xiii] She is all he could want in a trusted lieutenant but as a woman she could not assume the throne from him. And as a virgin goddess she could not continue the line of succession so she represented the end of the succession cycles. With the birth of Athena out of his head Zeus placeed the significance of thought (Athena) above the groin (Aphrodite). Still Aphrodite, with her children, and her link to the higher echelons of divine power posed a threat. Although it should be remembered that whilst Zeus may have feared her power; as a woman Aphrodite also could not have claimed the Olympian throne; it would have been one of her children. Thus Hesiod created Aphrodite to be the “other” in Zeus’s reign, always lurking and posing a subtle threat.

### The Homeric Aphrodite is just as dangerous and Zeus curbed Aphrodite’s influence by placing Athena at the front of his affections. In the Iliad Athena is obviously Zeus’ favourite; in Books 5 and 8 she wears his armour and in book 5 Ares accuses Zeus of ignoring Athena’s unruly behaviour. It is interesting that Ares would slight his father in this way; was this the action of a god jealous of his father’s attention on Athena or a god defending his lover Aphrodite? But Ares wasn’t the only jealous deity around; Athena prized her place as Zeus’ darling. When she believed Zeus favoured Thetis she claimed that “the day shall come when he shall again call me his flashing-eyed darling”[xiv] Athena’s jealousy would also lead her to become far more active in the story of the Iliad. Up until the beginning of Book 4 Aphrodite was one of the most active participants in the story, she instigated the war, saved Paris and persuaded Helen to reprimand Paris’ cowardice. It only took a slight mention from Zeus of Aphrodite’s achievements and Athena and Hera’s relative laziness to make Athena take over a prime divine role in the fighting; hence why several mortals prayed to her believing she would be the deity most likely to act for them.[xv] Zeus was being defensive; Athena could be as powerful as she liked but she could never usurp Zeus, Aphrodite was much more powerful and therefore needed to be limited. By placing Aphrodite’s power in the hands of Athena and trying to replace Aphrodite’s inappropriate contact with humans with Athena’s more demure approach Zeus belittled Aphrodite’s power. By championing Athena’s powers of thought over Aphrodite’s powers over the groin Zeus is distancing himself from his father and grandfather and stopping the cycles of succession. By defending Aphrodite from Athena’s mocking, and then teasing Aphrodite when she is wounded, Zeus brings her into the family and places her under his control. It is through the relations with Athena, Zeus’ greatest weapon that he manages to keep Aphrodite a subtle threat, but still a threat to be wary of. Aphrodite is predominantly a goddess of love but despite the best efforts of Zeus to keep her away from influencing warfare there are many strong links between the spheres of love and war under Aphrodite. She might not have been as war hungry as Ares but there is evidence to suggest she did not do as Zeus told her and just “take care of the pleasures of love and leave the fighting to Ares and Athena”.Aphrodite is the goddess of mixis. Cyrino defines this as “the blending of bodies in intimate physical contact, both sexual and martial.[ii] Her birth shows the martial future she had”. The remarkable act of violence which created her[iii] embodies the violence and antagonism which the ancient Greek poets linked with the intensity of human sexuality.[iv] It also linked her from the beginning of her existence to violence and power struggles. In the Iliad she was the first point of intimate contact between mortals and gods, when saving Aeneas from the battle. She was also the first god to be wounded by a mortal in battle which led other deities to engage in further god-mortal combat, for example Ares and Diomedes.It must be asked how Aphrodite could be comfortable entering a battle. When rescuing Aeneas and Paris is it her passion as a goddess of love that gives her the strength to enter a battle. There are many literary examples of Aphrodite being a goddess not of war but linked to war. In Book Five of the Iliad she rides Ares’ war chariot back to Olympus, in Book 21 she helps Ares away from the battle when wounded[vi], she was married to Hephaistos; maker of weapons and armour and most importantly she was the instigator of the most famous military battle in Greek mythology.[vii] As a result Aphrodite is also responsible for all the honour that is bestowed upon the gods and heroes who fought.[viii] Regardless of whether Aphrodite was actively part of the fighting or not the emotion she embodied was inspiration enough for many fighters to bear arms.[ix]

### Aphrodite’s golden quality is most often associated with objects of power and prestige for example armour, breast plates and spear rings.[xi] Other divine objects with this quality were Zeus’ scales, Apollo’s aegis and Athena’s armour. Instead of being a quality just of beauty it is also one of power, it is another embodiment of mixis. There were physical monuments erected to the war-like Aphrodite. In the 2nd century AD Pausanius mentions the existence of “armed” (hoplismenē) statues of Aphrodite. She may have acquired a militarised personality in Sparta where there was a temple to Aphrodite Aria. This temple suggests that Aphrodite was worshiped as a warrior herself or as a mixis between her and her lover Ares.[xii] It must also not be forgotten that two of Aphrodite and Ares’ children were his followers representing fear (Phobos) and terror (Deimos) she must have had war-like attributes to produce children like them.

### The Aphrodite Hoplismenē may not have been worshiped by the majority but her embodiment of mixis, her relationship with Ares, her instigation of Troy and her bravery in battle all point to her being a goddess of war but with a twist on it. It is a mark of her power that even though she may not have shouldered a weapon like Artemis or Athena that she still caused and actively participated in the greatest war in Greek mythology. Jackson believes that Hera is using Aphrodite’s seductive power to subdue Zeus in order that the other gods could fight unhindered and give advantage to the Greeks in battle. Hera asks Aphrodite if she can borrow the “ornate sash” which contains Aphrodite’s powers of desire and seduction because she wants to unite the quarrelling Tethys and Okeanos. But Hera had “every intention to deceive”[iii]; she used Aphrodite’s power on Zeus giving Poseidon the chance to assist the Argives in bettering the Trojans. Jackson states that whilst this scene recognises Aphrodite’s “awesome power”[iv] it also removes Aphrodite’s power from her control then turns it against Aphrodite and her beloved Trojans. Jackson’s Aphrodite is naive and is easily depowered by Hera.I however believe that Aphrodite knew exactly what she was doing and allowed Hera to use her power to seduce Zeus so that she could gain the upper hand over both of them. Zeus had forbidden the gods to intervene in the Trojan War and it was a strain for the gods to obey. By helping Hera distract Zeus it left the gods open to completely rebel against his rule.But Aphrodite would have also liked getting one over Hera. Relations between them were often hostile for example Hera (with Athena) mocked Aphrodite’s efforts in battle[vii] After Aphrodite fell pregnant by Zeus Hera cursed the unborn Priapus resulting in him being born with unnaturally large genitals leaving him exiled from Olympus. Whilst Aphrodite favoured the Trojans and would do almost anything for them, her pride was more important. Hera had been antagonistic so Aphrodite would have relished the chance to be superior. Aphrodite was a powerful goddess and would have liked that both she and Hera would have known Hera was subordinate to Aphrodite on this occasion.Cyrino introduces the reader to the idea of  Aphrodite embodying the concept of Mixis.  She claims that Aphrodite represents the “blending of bodies in intimate physical contact, both sexual and martial”.[i] Mawr states that in Cyrino overuses of the word mixis and “weakens its effective usefulness as an interpretive tool.[ii]  But I believe that mixis is the starting point to view Aphrodite as a binary goddess linked to many opposites; sea and sky and love and war are the most obvious.Not only is she a goddess of female sexuality but in uniting male and female individuals she encompasses both their sexual ideals. The individuals that she unites were of course not just mortals, any combination of god, titan, nymph or mortal could be united under Aphrodite’s power, either in sex or combat. She was a wife and an adulteress. She has a dual parenthood, in one account she is the offspring of Ouranos alone[iii] in the other she has two parents, Zeus and Dione.[iv] Aphrodite also represented the struggle between the desires of the mind and the groin in her competition for superiority over Athena and to a large extent Zeus. In this competition she also represents the clash between what was expected of a male and female deity.

I interpret Aphrodite’s capacity to represent so many opposites as one of her greatest strengths. Mawr might disagree with Cyrino and say that Aphrodite was not one of the most widely worshiped deities in Ancient Greece\[v\] but I agree with Cyrino. I believe that in some places she received the epithet P*andēmos* meaning “she who belongs to all the people”\[vi\] because with the multitude of different notions that she embodied or were related to her how could she be anything but belonging to all the people?

[bubonickitten]

Summary: Jon goes back to before the world ended and tries to forge a different path.

Previous chapter: AO3 || Tumblr

Chapter 18 full text & content warnings below the cut.

CWs for Chapter 18: discussion of passive suicidal ideation; unintentional self-harm (scratching at arms as a stim, to the point of drawing blood); brief allusion to childhood neglect; internalized ableism (re: ADHD, but not explicitly stated as such); brief acephobia (past experience & internalized); Jon-typical negative self-talk, guilt, & rejection sensitive dysphoria; discussion of past trauma (including having bodily autonomy overridden, canon non-consensual surgery, & stabbing); internalized victim blaming/comparing victim to their abuser; discussion of self-inflicted blinding/eye gouging (past attempts & potential future attempts); brief mention of Mr. Spider/arachnophobia themes; swears. SPOILERS through Season 5.

Chapter 18: Reconciliation

Once Jon opened the door and the Fears rewrote reality, not only was sleep no longer a physiological necessity – it was no longer an option. Much like the Coffin, even a temporary escape via unconsciousness was contrary to a world defined by the ceaseless generation of terror. And just as it did any human in that place, perpetual wakefulness took its toll on Jon’s already ravaged mental health.

The fact that he was no longer plaguing the nightmares of his victims may have been a small consolation, if not for the fact that he was instead witnessing the waking nightmares of billions of new victims: the same scenes looping over and over, layered one on top of the other, an endless soundtrack screaming in the background of his mind. Venting a statement from time to time could only do so much to quell that storm. He’d really had no choice but to learn to compartmentalize on autopilot and dissociate on command.

So when, for the first time since before the world ended, Jon awakens to Martin at his side, his mind cannot immediately reconcile the sight. He might think he was dreaming, if not for the fact that he hasn’t had a pleasant dream of his own since he became the Archivist. And even before then – well, he’d always been more predisposed to nightmares.

Jon feels his heart stutter in his throat when he sets eyes on Martin. Their hands are still clasped together, and despite the sweatiness of their palms and the way Jon’s arm is cramping from the angle, he has no desire to let go. Instead, he lies still, breathing shallow and measured, fearful of any sound or movement that might shatter the almost uncanny peace of the moment.

He really shouldn’t be staring like this, though, should he? Martin has given him permission to stare many times before, but that was in a future where they had Seen each other at their most vulnerable. Being seen, truly seen – as terrifying as it was for the both of them – became a comfort, because of what they had been through together. Here in the past, Martin hasn’t shared that experience. He might not be as keen to put up with Jon’s incessant watching.

Those reservations still aren’t enough to stop him, though.

Martin is still sat in his chair, but bent sideways at the waist to lean halfway on the cot. He’s snoring lightly, his head pillowed on his free arm, glasses askew. The angle is probably hell on his back.

Maybe I should wake him up, Jon thinks idly, one corner of his mouth turning up in a small, fond smile.

He doesn’t. Instead, his eyes remain rapt on Martin, soaking in every detail, as beloved and familiar as always: the length of his eyelashes, the shape of his lips, the spray of freckles across his nose, that particularly stubborn cowlick that always, always stands on end. Jon wants to reach out, sink his fingers into those curls, massage his scalp in that way Martin used to love – but that would be a step beyond staring, wouldn’t it? So he watches: unblinking, aching, adoring, and so overwhelmed that he's at risk of tearing up.

It’s painfully, embarrassingly maudlin of him, he knows, but can he really be faulted for that? Jon surpassed the lifespan of a normal human several times over, bereft and alone in a desolated realm of his own making. He spent much of that time out of his mind with grief, drowning in hopelessness and guilt, cycling between numb dissociation and raw destruction. When he wasn’t wandering aimlessly – near-catatonic, subsumed by the never-ending deluge of fear permeating that world – he was lashing out. Although he couldn’t die, he could still hurt, and so he did, with exacting focus: both himself and all the other monsters going through the motions in that doomed world.

Ending them neither decreased nor increased the net output of fear, but it was the closest Jon could come to some nebulous, fleeting sense of justice. He didn’t enjoy it – in fact, he hated the other Avatars sometimes, bitter that they could attain a release that seemed impossible for him. His first few acts of vengeance in those early days had felt good in the moment, but the high never lasted: just like taking a statement.

Eventually, once the fear began to grow scarcer, it felt more and more like granting mercy – often to monsters who never showed any themselves – rather than meting out justice. A few moments of pain was preferable to slow, torturous starvation. Breekon was the first to request such a favor. He was far from the last.

It made Jon feel monstrous in an all new way, offering escape to predators when he could do nothing to save their victims – at least not without turning them into Avatars themselves, creating more monsters to replace the old. But it also made him feel real – a tangible, active presence interacting with the world, as opposed to a ghost, unseen and unknowable. An undeniable consequence, rather than a detached observer.

Tears start to gather in the corners of his eyes. Jon tries to swallow them back, but his throat has grown thick with emotion. He never expected to escape that place; never expected to see a friendly face or hear a kind word ever again. And now that he has…

This isn’t for you, says an insidious little voice in the back of his head: some twisted chimera comprised of all those who have known him well enough to see him for what he is, to catalogue his failings, to pass judgment. There is no place for you in this world. You don’t belong here. You were made for something greater; eliminate that, and what remains –

A gentle knock-knock at the door startles him out of his thoughts.

“Jon?” Georgie pushes the door open and peers through the gap. “You awake?”

“Yeah.” It comes out as a fractured whisper. He sniffles and rubs his eyes, but Georgie has already noticed his distress.

“Bad dream?”

“No.” Jon clears his throat and props himself up on one elbow. “No, ah – quite the opposite, really.”

“Oh?” Georgie says, probing for an explanation.

Jon's gaze drifts to his hand, still joined with Martin’s. “None of this feels real, and…”

“And?”

“I, uh…” Jon closes his eyes, blinking back tears. “I don’t deserve it.”

“The world doesn’t work that way.”

“Maybe it should.” Jon lets out a wet, clipped laugh.

No one got what they deserved in the world he created, only what hurt them the most. Tempting as it was to find some meaning in it all, to retroactively draw correlations between past actions and current circumstances, Jon Knew from the very beginning that there was no cause-and-effect at play. Not really. Any misery being experienced in that new world was utterly unrelated to the lives people lived before the change. It was indiscriminate. Everyone was afraid and in agony, regardless of any subjective judgment on whether or not they deserved it.

And nothing Jon did changed those material conditions in the slightest. He could shift an individual’s role from subject to object and vice versa, reassign their place on the spectrum of the tortured versus the torturer, but at the end of the day, he was still just facilitating fear, regardless of what shape it took. Despite being one of the most powerful and fearful things roaming that scorched earth, his options were as limited as they’d always been. Every choice led to more or less the same end.

By every measure that could be said to actually matter, he was ultimately powerless.

Would it have been any more tolerable if the suffering was more proportionate? If at least some of the people trapped in the domains could be said to be receiving just punishment for any agony they themselves had inflicted before the end of the world? Maybe. But probably not. Securing vengeance never actually yielded any meaningful catharsis for Jon. Even Jonah Magnus' ultimate fate produced nothing but revulsion. The Archive may feed on such fear, but after all this time, Jon – all the pieces of him that still belong to him – has no desire to behold suffering. He has seen enough for several lifetimes, and he was never once given the option to look away, let alone put an end to it.

Jon shakes his head and begins to fully sit up, slowly and carefully so as not to disturb Martin. He’s hardly expecting Georgie to engage with his newest avenue of brooding, but after a minute, she gives a thoughtful hum and leans against the doorframe.

“Don’t know that I want to see what that would look like,” she says pensively.

“What?”

“A world where ‘deservedness’ was quantifiable – where you could put a precise value on suffering, and every action had a moral price tag on it that stayed the same regardless of the circumstances. Where subjective experiences could be – shoved into neat little categories that everyone could agree on.”

“Like Robert Smirke,” Jon murmurs.

“Sure.” Georgie shrugs. “I don’t know if humanity as we know it could even exist in a world like that. We’d be… unrecognizable.”

“O-oh?”

“Mm. We aren’t equations. Or – well, we are, I guess, at the most basic physical level, if you scale down small enough. Atoms, physics, chemical reactions and all that. But when it comes to the experience of consciousness, personal identity, free will… isn’t the complexity what gives it all meaning? If we could account for every last variable, know the exact effect of every cause, what would that make us?”

“I… I don’t know.”

“Life isn’t about the destination, I guess is what I’m saying.” Georgie runs her thumb over her lips as she muses. “We already know the destination. One way or another, everything dies.”

“‘The moment that you die will feel exactly the same as this one,’” Jon recites, a distant quality to his voice. “There’s no difference between that last moment that ushers us out into oblivion and the one we experience now – everything ends, even the universe, even time. And… that means it has always already ended.”

It takes a moment for Jon to come back to himself, blinking dazedly. It's another few seconds before he realizes what happened – and when he does, a sudden, heavy coldness takes root and blossoms in his chest.

“I’m so– I didn’t – I wasn’t –”

“It’s – fine,” Georgie says, although she sounds a bit rattled. “It was an accident.”

“Still, I’m sorry, I –”

“Apology accepted, Jon. I’m not angry.” When she sees Jon gearing up to belabor the point, she holds up a hand. “You’re forgiven. Let’s just move on, okay?”

Jon bites down on his lower lip, torn between dueling impulses: groveling, berating himself, shutting down, or… simply taking Georgie at her word. With a long, shaky exhale, he settles on trust: Georgie expressed a desire to drop it and move forward. He should respect that, right? Right.

He bites back his protests and nods stiffly. “Okay.”

“Look, what I was trying to get at is – knowing the destination doesn’t invalidate the journey, right? If anything, the inevitability of an ending is what gives meaning to all the rest.”

The End forced Georgie to confront the insignificance of her own birth and death against the backdrop of a vast universe – but rather than allow that realization to immobilize her with despair, she opted to make all the moments in between meaningful. Jon can't help but once again remember the confidence with which Martin countered Simon Fairchild's brand of flippant nihilism: I think our experience of the universe has value, even if it disappears forever.

I might have a type, he thinks to himself, equal parts wry and endeared.

“We all end up in the same place,” Georgie continues, “but that doesn’t have to mean we all follow the same path. What matters is what happens along the way, and – if you could map out every bit of the journey, predict the outcome of every single step you take, then – what else is left?”

“If you already know the answer to every question,” Jon says softly, “what’s the point of being?”

Jon isn’t sure what expression he’s making, but whatever it is, Georgie blanches when she catches his eye.

“Oh, I – Jon, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean –”

“No, it’s – it’s alright. You’re not wrong.” Jon chuckles awkwardly. “Is it odd that I find the thought…reassuring? Sort of?”

“We’re getting lost in the weeds, aren't we?” Georgie says with a flustered laugh. “My original point was – this obsession you have with deservedness, and establishing dichotomies, and trying to find simple, objective answers to complicated questions – it’s a skewed way of looking at the world, and it’s eating you alive. You have to stop treating your life like it’s a scorecard. Relentlessly punishing yourself isn’t going to change the past. It’s not healthy, it’s not productive, and it just makes you more likely to sabotage your future.”

“I know. It’s just… the things I’ve done, they’re – unforgivable. I can’t leave it behind, and I can’t take it back.”

Jon used to wonder when the Eye would make him too monstrous to feel shame. It never did, never had to: he abetted it regardless of how he felt about it. For the most part, he can’t even apologize: the people he hurt are either dead or have no memory of what Jon did to warrant it. Besides, some consequences too irrevocable, too catastrophic to cushion with remorse.

Sorry that you died because I failed; sorry that I burned a bridge that could have kept us both safe; sorry that you’re trapped here just because I stood too close to you. Sorry for the invaded privacy, sorry for the mistreatment, sorry for all the hunger and fear and nightmares. Sincerest apologies, everyone, for the eternal torment.

He could have composed a personalized apology for every last person in the world had he wanted – he’d certainly had the time to spare, as well as detailed knowledge of each victim’s plight. But any apology he could possibly make, no matter how eloquent or sincere, would have been insulting in its inadequacy. What reparations can be made to soften the blow of a life lost or a world ended?

“S-so,” he says, eyes downcast, “that just leaves… guilt.”

And fear. Fear enough to cram an Archive full to bursting.

“I know,” Georgie says.

“I’m sorry, I –” Jon breathes a bitter laugh. “I’m a broken record, aren’t I? I fall apart every time I see you.”

“Jon,” George sighs, “you don’t have to apologize. You’ve been through unimaginable trauma. You’ve had barely any chance to start to heal from it. You’re still living it. I don’t expect a few heart-to-heart conversations to close the book on… all of that.”

“Still, it’s – annoying, I imagine.” Jon picks nervously at a loose thread on his trouser leg. “To sit through the same conversation over and over again.”

“I’d be more worried if you went back to just – pretending to be okay, refusing to talk about it. It’s been barely a month since you got out of the hospital. Shit, it hasn’t even been twenty-four hours since you crawled out of that Coffin.” Her eyes narrow slightly, intent and searching. “Speaking of which, I should ask: Are you a danger to yourself right now?”

“What?” The question catches Jon off guard. “No? N-no, I’m – why would you –”

“Just checking in. Which I’m going to keep doing. Regularly. So you may as well make peace with that now.”

“It’s not like I’m going to kill myself,” Jon mumbles – aiming for casually unconcerned and instead landing squarely in transparently uncomfortable territory. “I’m fairly certain I can’t die a mundane human death, anyway.”

“Maybe not, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still hurt yourself. And being suicidal sucks regardless of whether you actually plan on going through with it.” Jon studiously avoids eye contact as Georgie speaks. “Anyway, I know I sound like a broken record, but I’ll say it as many times as you need reminding: You have a second chance. You said you were going to make the best of it, and you can’t do that if you won’t let yourself have some peace.” Her expression softens, as does her voice. “Just… let yourself be, won’t you?”

There’s truth to what Georgie is saying. Even if he wasn’t mired in guilt, though…

“I’m afraid,” Jon whispers. “Of losing him, of losing everyone, of…”

Of dooming everyone. It was so easy. All it took was his voice, an incantation, and this ceaseless, aberrant hunger. He’s seen the consequences of the destiny for which he has unwittingly been prepared. Like it or not, he is the most dangerous thing in this world – a walking hair-trigger, already having overstayed his welcome on this earth by several lifetimes. One misstep, and…

“I should be grateful to have this, to have him – and I am, but every – every time I come close to letting myself feel – safe, hopeful, content, it… it never lasts. It’s always swallowed up by fear – not of if something goes wrong, but when. It just feels like… any choice I make is bound to end in tragedy. Like there’s no way out. Like nothing I do will change anything. I – I’ll mess it up; I always do.”

It’s a pattern that began long before he became entangled in Jonah’s machinations. Jon was a difficult child who grew into an even more difficult adult, always saying and doing all the wrong things because he’s never been able to fully grasp the invisible rules that other people seem to navigate so naturally. At home he could never shake the feeling that he was an odd guest, secretly unwelcome but with nowhere else to keep him; at school he was a menace, asking all the wrong questions at all the wrong times and prone to following his own lesson plans whenever the curriculum failed to hold his interest. Peer relationships typically failed to take root: he’s too guarded, too abrasive, too annoying and tactless and awkward. Whatever friendships managed to blossom tended to wilt before long, for all the same reasons.

Romantic relationships have historically been even more fraught. There are expectations that he will never meet, forms of intimacy that are traditionally assumed to be required rather than optional for such a relationship to qualify as normal, healthy, and sustainable. In his experience, setting those boundaries have usually been a deal-breaker. Georgie was the first to accept that aspect of him unconditionally; Martin was the second – and although Jon no longer believes that it’s a problem to be fixed, those old, long-held insecurities still rear up from time to time.

He had hoped he could at least prove himself capable as a Head Archivist, but, well… he was inexperienced with the duties of a mundane archiving job, unsuited to managing a department, and his preexisting difficulties with establishing rapport were exacerbated by his need to maintain a professional boundary between himself and his assistants. He tried to make up for those shortcomings with effort and dedication and – in retrospect – frankly obscene levels of overwork, but he never did manage to be a good boss or a good coworker.

It’s a cruel joke that of all the roles to finally excel in, it’s as the Archivist – or, specifically, Jonah’s Archivist. He met every expectation, even – perhaps especially – when he didn’t know what those expectations were. Not like Gertrude. She would doubtless be disappointed by her successor: constantly second-guessing himself, resolving indecisiveness with impulsivity, stumbling around in the dark, pointlessly sabotaging himself and those unlucky enough to find themselves in his orbit – ultimately devastating a world that she had made so many ruthless sacrifices to protect.

Jon has spent most of his life fumbling at being a peer, a friend, a partner, a colleague, an ally. If he couldn’t manage to figure it out when he was still human, how is he supposed to play at being a person now, when he’s…

“This – this isn’t for things like me,” Jon says hoarsely. He can feel more tears teeming as he looks down at Martin: kind and good and so, so deserving of happiness, of security, of a peaceful life that Jon fears he will never be able to provide, no matter how fiercely he loves. “I don’t get to” – end the world – “to become – this, and still get a happy ending.”

“Do you Know that?” Georgie asks.

“N-no, I can’t predict the future, but –”

“Then you shouldn’t assume the worst. You don’t have a fixed destiny, no matter what you’ve been led to believe.” She scowls at him. “And stop referring to yourself as a ‘thing’. It really doesn’t matter how human you are or aren’t, you're still you. You’re still a person.”

Jon doesn’t know how to respond to that without either contradicting her or offering lukewarm, disingenuous agreement. Luckily, he doesn’t have to: Martin begins to stir, and Jon hurriedly wipes away any evidence of tears, fighting to regain his composure. With a snuffle and a sleepy groan, Martin opens his eyes, blinking blearily.

“Hey there,” Jon says with a soft smile.

Martin returns a vague grin, muzzy with sleep. With unfocused eyes, he appears to slowly take in his surroundings, gaze lingering briefly on and then skating over his hand, fingers still interlocked with Jon’s. When his attention drifts towards Georgie, he stares at her for a long few seconds, squinting at the influx of light from the hallway. Another slow blink, another extended stare at his and Jon’s linked hands, and then his eyes widen. Color blooms on his cheeks as he abruptly surfaces into full consciousness, glasses tumbling off his face as he jerks upward.

“Oh, god, I’m sorry,” he says, groggy voice at odds with the panicked embarrassment in his eyes. He pulls his hand back, mumbling apologies about clammy palms. As he straightens in his seat, he lets out a pained hiss.

Jon cringes sympathetically. “You should’ve taken the cot.”

Martin ignores the comment, scrubbing at his face now, hiding it in his sleeve. It does nothing to conceal his reddened ears, Jon notes with amused affection.

“Did you sleep alright, otherwise?” Jon asks.

“Mm?” Martin retrieves his glasses and slips them back on before turning his attention to Jon. “Oh, uh – yes. You?”

“Yes, actually.”

His first routine breakdown of the day notwithstanding, Jon did manage to sleep through most of the night, only waking once after a brief foray back into Karolina’s nightmare.

The rest of the dreams were relatively benign. He spent some time with Georgie. Naomi was pleased to see him and eager as ever to regale him with cat anecdotes. Dr. Elliott was less pleased, but he was at least no more afraid of Jon than he had been during the coma. Seeing Jordan Kennedy was as uncomfortable as ever; Jon doubts he’ll ever know what to say to him. Tessa was more difficult to read. She wasn’t exactly happy to see him again, but she didn't seem angry, either.

Should’ve known it wouldn’t last, she’d sighed to herself – and then promptly changed the subject before Jon could stammer out an apology.

“Learned a lot about the right to repair movement,” Jon says absently.

“What?” Martin asks, bewildered.

“Oh, uh – Tessa Winters. Gave a statement in 2016 about a haunted chatbot. It forced her to watch a seventeen-hour-long video of a man eating his computer.”

Georgie perks up at that.

“Oh, is that the, uh – that creepypasta about that guy who mutilated himself trying to upload his mind to his computer?”

“Sergey Ushanka.”

“Yeah! Something about how he tried to crack open his skull and wire his brain to the motherboard?”

“That is one variation of the story, yes.”

“What,” Martin says flatly.

“I was thinking about doing a What the Ghost episode on that one,” Georgie explains, her sheepish smile doing little to conceal her lingering enthusiasm. “Haunted technology is always a popular topic. Didn’t expect that one to be real, though. I wonder –”

Jon answers her question before she can ask it: “I doubt Tessa would be interested in being a guest on the show.”

“Yeah,” Georgie sighs, “I guess not.”

Martin lets out a nervous chuckle. “What, uh – sorry, what does any of this have to do with right to repair?”

“Oh. Right. Tessa’s one of the people whose nightmares I… invade. Perpetuate, I suppose. She’s, ah, not my biggest fan, considering what I’ve put her through, but she says I’m a decent audience.” Martin gives Jon a blank look. “She basically gives me free lectures sometimes? Technology-related subjects, mostly. Fascinating stuff.”

“God, you sound like a grandpa,” Georgie says.

“Yes, yes, Tessa tells me the same.” Jon rolls his eyes. “Anyway, she has some, ah… strong feelings about Apple. Among other things.”

“Right,” Martin says slowly. “Wait, back up – you know what creepypasta is?”

“Yes, Martin,” Jon says with a sigh and an indulgent smile, “I know what creepypasta is.”

“That particular internet rabbit hole was one of his many, many avenues of procrastination in uni, believe it or not,” Georgie says.

“Contrary to popular belief, I’m not a Luddite. I tried to introduce the Archives to the twenty-first century, remember? It’s not my fault the Beholding has a retro aesthetic.”

“Huh,” Martin says with a bemused smile. Then he yawns. “Sorry. What time is it?”

As soon as the question is posed, the Beholding drops the knowledge into Jon’s head.

“About 10:30,” Georgie answers, just as Jon says, “10:28 and forty-six seconds” – and then, wincing at his own pedantry, “Sorry.”

Georgie looks ready to let loose with a snarky reply, but before she can say anything, Martin is on his feet, the blanket on his lap sliding to the floor.

“10:30? Jon, why didn’t you wake me up?”

“I – I wasn’t really paying attention to the time, I haven’t actually been awake for…”

Jon trails off as the Beholding casually notifies him that he woke up thirty-seven minutes and twenty-three seconds ago. He can feel heat pooling in his cheeks as a vague sense of shame sets in. Good lord, was he really just watching Martin sleep for that long?

“I should have been upstairs over an hour ago,” Martin says, frantically scanning the room for –

For his shoes, the Eye informs Jon.

Do you ever mind your goddamn business? Jon shoots back. On impulse, he swats at the air to his side, momentarily forgetting that the ever-present eldritch tagalongs he’d grown accustomed to during the apocalypse are no longer with him. In his dreams, he’d come eye-to-eye with them again for the first time since waking up in the hospital; apparently, that’s all it took to reintroduce this old, reflexive shooing tic to his waking life.

Georgie raises her eyebrows at the gesture, but Martin appears not to notice, preoccupied with his escalating panic.

Jon scrambles for some way to soothe him, but he’s at a loss. In his future, through trial and error and intense observation, he had painstakingly learned how to comfort Martin. Now, though, after so much time spent alone, Jon is out of practice. Moreover, he’s always been more adept at offering comfort through action and touch rather than words – and right now, he’s still uncertain where Martin’s boundaries lie.

So Jon continues to sit there, hands fluttering slightly as his mind rifles through a mountain of inane clichés in search of something, anything that might be able to help. Meanwhile, the Archivist in him is distracted by Martin’s growing anxiety. It isn’t the same as abject fear, per se, but it’s similar enough to pique the Eye’s interest.

Once again, Jon takes a swipe at the empty space beside him – and again ignores Georgie’s amused expression.

“If Peter notices I’m not in the office…” Martin nearly trips over the blanket on the floor as he turns in place to search behind him. “He – he’ll be suspicious –”

That’s when Georgie decides to speak up. Thank god, Jon thinks to himself. She exudes far more confidence than he does in this sort of situation.

“Won’t he already be suspicious?” she says, calm as can be. It’s enough to bring Martin’s fretting to a pause. “It’s not like you can keep this a secret forever, right? Your change in attitude is… pretty noticeable, Martin.”

“I – I – I didn’t really think much further ahead than –” Martin laughs nervously. “I was just – playing along, and it felt right, like if I just kept following the path I’d reach a – a – a conclusion? I don’t know what, but…” His shoulders slump, leaving his arms hanging awkwardly at his sides; he tugs at the hem of his shirt, as if he doesn’t know what to do with his hands. “I don’t think I cared much? I figured I could just – gather information and pass it along, and if nothing else I could keep Peter’s attention away from the Archives, and… that was the whole plan, to just keep doing that until… until whatever was going to happen happened, I guess, and now I don’t – I don’t know where to go from here, and…”

“Martin?” Jon says softly.

“Huh?” Martin finally glances up to meet Jon’s eyes.

“Can I take your hand?”

Cautiously, wordlessly, Martin offers his hand. Jon takes it in his, lacing their fingers together loosely.

“It’ll be alright,” he says. “You don’t have to figure it out on your own. Not anymore.”

Martin’s lips move minutely for a few seconds before meekly saying, “That doesn’t feel right.”

“I know.”

“I’m – I’m not saying you’re lying,” Martin says, rushed and anxious to appease, “it’s just…”

“Hearing something isn’t the same as accepting it. Or trusting it.”

“I do trust you, I do, it’s just… I don’t know. It’s like I can’t wrap my mind around it.”

“It’s alright,” Jon says gently. “I understand.”

“I’m sorry,” Martin whispers, his voice steeped in guilt.

“You don’t need to apologize.” When Martin opens his mouth to protest, Jon reiterates: “You have nothing to be sorry for. I promise.”

“Okay,” Martin says after a pause, still sounding somewhat doubtful. Then he grimaces. “I, uh, still don’t know what to do about Peter, though.”

“That depends on what you want,” Jon says, squeezing Martin’s hand. “I trust you. I’ll follow your lead.”

“O-okay,” Martin repeats. He blinks several times, surprised, before giving a nervous chuckle. “Only… I, uh, don’t really know what I want, to be honest?”

“Break it down into smaller pieces,” Georgie says. Martin flinches slightly – he must have momentarily forgotten she was in the room. “Do you want to go back to the Lonely?”

There’s only a short delay before Martin says, “No. I don’t… it feels different than before. Doesn’t fit right.”

“Do you want to continue working with Peter?”

“I don’t know,” Martin says slowly. “Not really? I mean, I never wanted to in the first place, it just… seemed like the thing to do.”

“Okay, rephrase,” Georgie says. “Do you want to stop working with him now?”

“I think so.” Another pause. Martin’s brow wrinkles as he stares at the floor in thought before glancing back up at Georgie. “Yeah, I – I think I do.”

“But…?” Georgie prompts, sensing Martin’s uncertainty.

“I worry about how he might react. He’ll probably start paying more attention to the Archives, and…” Martin looks at Jon. “What if he takes it out on you? Or – I mean, I don’t want him to hurt anyone, but I…” He looks down at their joined hands, tightening his grip just slightly. “I think you would be his most likely target.”

“Maybe,” Jon admits. He’s witnessed firsthand how vindictive Peter can be. “But I would rather take that risk than have you torture yourself on the off chance he’ll let me be. And… I think we’ll all be safer if we cooperate as a group rather than stay divided.”

“I guess. I’m not sure how to go about it, though.”

“Well,” Georgie says thoughtfully, “it depends on whether you want to quit all at once or ease into it.”

“I don’t know.” Martin looks to Jon again. “If I continue to work for him in some capacity, would it give us an advantage?”

At this point, they know more about the Extinction than Peter does, and Jon has a decent grasp on Peter’s goals and how he operates. So…

“I… don’t think there’s anything to be gained if you keep working closely with him, no,” Jon replies. “And anyway, I – I would rather that not be the deciding factor? It’s your decision, of course, it’s just – your wellbeing is more important.”

“Hypocrite,” Martin mutters, but there’s a tinge of endearment there.

“I know,” Jon sighs. “I’m working on it. But to the point, I worry that working closely with him might drag you back into the Lonely.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m also worried about you confronting him directly to resign. Especially on your own.”

Peter is patient. Moreover, he enjoys a long game. If he sees Martin’s change of heart as a surmountable obstacle, Peter is likely to take a step back and wait for another opening to regain the upper hand. If, on the other hand, he decides that Martin is a lost cause… well, Peter is a sore loser. There’s every chance that he could drop Martin into the Lonely out of spite again.

“Either way,” Jon says, “I don’t think it’s safe for you to be alone with him. Sooner or later, he’ll realize that the Lonely’s starting to lose its hold on you.”

Unthinkingly, Jon tightens his grip on Martin’s hand.

“It’s been slipping for a while now,” Martin says quietly. “I think he’s already noticed.”

“In that case… there’s no telling how he’ll react if he decides your allegiance to the Lonely is too tenuous to salvage.”

“Do you – or…” Georgie appears to grapple with wording for a few seconds. “Can you Know what Peter knows?”

“No,” Jon says. The last time he tried to Know something about Peter, not only did it yield nothing of value, it nearly incapacitated Jon – and he didn’t recover until he gave in and fed on a new victim. He can’t afford to repeat the experience. Daisy’s supply of statements is finite; Jon needs to ration them as much as possible. “I do know that Peter can’t spy from a distance, but that doesn’t mean he can’t just turn invisible to eavesdrop. Or that Elias won’t feed him information.”

“Let’s focus on the immediate question, then,” Georgie says. “Do you want to go upstairs and walk into your office two hours late with bedhead” – Martin runs a self-conscious hand through his hair, eliciting an affectionate smile from Jon – “or do you want to no-call/no-show?”

“Well… Peter isn’t actually around much,” Martin says. “Sometimes days go by before he checks in. He might not realize I’m not in my office yet. Maybe I can just – go about my normal routine for now?” He glances at Jon, almost beseeching. “At least until I have an idea of how much he knows?”

Like everyone who has worked in the Archives, Martin has developed a harder edge over the years. Early in his tenure, he seemed unassuming on first impression. He was by no means a pushover, but he was eager to please and preferred to avoid unnecessary confrontation. It made him an all-too-easy target for Jon’s insecurity-fueled ire.

But rather than roll over in the face of criticism, Martin has always been determined to prove his detractors wrong. Whether it’s risking his life for the sake of doing his due diligence – Jon cringes at the memory – or stubbornly caring for people who deemed him incompetent and didn’t appreciate his attentions, Martin is tenacious. It would be admirable – and it is, to an extent – but all too often it leads to self-neglect, bordering on self-harm.

And right now, despite the thicker skin that Martin has been forced to grow through necessity and loss, his demeanor when he looks at Jon is vaguely reminiscent of those early days in the Archives: cowed, cautious, desperate for approval and dreading reproach. With a pang of old guilt and a desire to soothe, Jon forces a smile and kneads the back of Martin’s hand with his thumb.

“I trust you,” Jon says, “and I know you’re more than capable. Just – when the fog starts to creep up on you, try to remember that there are people who care about you. You’re not a burden; you’re not – unseen, unwanted, undeserving, or – or whatever other lies the Lonely wants to tell you. You’re not alone. Not anymore.”

“Right,” Martin says in a breathless whisper. He gives Jon’s hand another squeeze before letting go. “I guess I, uh – I guess should head upstairs.”

“Text or call if you need a reminder,” Jon blurts out as Martin turns to leave. “S-sorry, I don’t mean to – to hover, it’s just… sometimes it helps.”

In Scotland, once Jon was too hungry to safely visit the village, Martin had to go on supply runs alone. Although he had largely left the Lonely behind, it still lurked in the background, waiting for quiet moments in which it could seep back in through the cracks it left behind. It was opportunistic and insidious, passive until it wasn’t, and it could strike unpredictably. And so, he and Jon would check in with one another frequently whenever Martin had to go into town.

In many ways it was an exercise in codependence, but they were doing their best, considering their particular circumstances.

“Thanks,” Martin says, splotches of pink staining his face again. “I – I will.”

“There’s no service in the tunnels,” Georgie reminds them. “Just in case you were planning on going down there today, Jon. Martin, do you have the rest of our numbers?”

“I have Basira’s. And Melanie’s.”

“Give me your phone. I’ll add my number. And Daisy’s.” Martin makes a face at that, but hands his phone over. “If Jon doesn’t answer, text one of the rest of us. We can make sure to always keep someone up here and reachable, just in case.”

“That’s really not necessary,” Martin says stiffly. “I don’t need my hand held every second of the day.”

“No, but you might need your hand held at any second during the day,” Georgie says, entirely unfazed by the shift in attitude, “and there's no shame in that. Sometimes a bad time sneaks up on you. Doesn’t hurt to be prepared.”

“I’ve always taken care of myself. I can handle a few hours alone.”

“I’m sure you can, but that doesn’t mean you have to.” Martin looks ready to object, but Georgie cuts him off. “You’re not going to win this argument; I’ve already heard it all before. I’ve known this one” – she jerks her thumb in Jon’s direction – “for years, and you have near-identical hangups about being an inconvenience or whatever.”

“I’m right here, you know,” Jon mutters.

“Yeah, this is directed at both of you. People want to help you. The world won’t end if you let yourself accept it without berating yourself in the process.” Georgie looks between the two of them as she hands Martin’s phone back, and then chuckles. “Huh. You two have damn-near-identical scowls, too, by the way.”

Simultaneously, Jon and Martin both roll their eyes.

Compared to the last time Jon saw her, Melanie looks… well, better. The wild, furious look in her eyes has subsided and the bags underneath are no longer quite so heavy. Her posture doesn’t look relaxed, exactly, but she doesn’t seem nearly as overwrought. She's still clearly weighed down by ambient tension, but she always has been – and the Archives have a way of making even the most well-adjusted person feel on edge.

She pauses at the bottom of the ladder, watching Jon with an air of distrust and uncertainty. Then Georgie takes her hand and a little more of that stiffness bleeds out of her. She allows Georgie to lead her over to the circle of chairs where Jon waits, and mirrors Georgie when she sits.

The ensuing silence is thoroughly unsettling. When it becomes clear that Georgie isn’t going to break the ice for them, and Melanie likewise keeps her silence, Jon reluctantly takes the initiative.

“Hi,” he says eloquently. He starts to give a little wave, but doesn’t fully commit to the motion, instead allowing his hand to hang awkwardly in the air for a few seconds before lowering his arm again, self-conscious.

“Hey,” Melanie replies – guarded, somewhat flat, but without any outright hostility.

Melanie scuffs one foot against the ground. Jon bounces his leg, chewing the inside of his cheek as he stares at the floor. Neither of them speak.

“So…” Georgie says after a minute, drawing out the vowel. “Do you two want me to, uh… I can leave, if you’d prefer to have this discussion in private?”

“Stay,” Melanie says abruptly, seeking out Georgie’s hand again. Georgie looks at Jon, a question in her eyes.

“I don’t mind. You can stay, Georgie.”

“If you’re sure,” Georgie says. “Just – let me know if that changes, I suppose.”

More silence. When Jon can’t take it anymore, he blurts out: “H-how have you been?”

“Well,” Melanie says sardonically, “I’m essentially trapped in an eldritch fear prison, doing the bidding of an evil voyeur-god, and apparently the only way out of its unfathomable contract is to gouge my eyes out.”

“Right,” Jon says with a hollow laugh. “Stupid question.”

“How are you?” Melanie asks with mock cheeriness.

“Same as you, really. Well. Except for the eye-gouging clause.”

“What, don’t have the stomach for it?”

“No, uh – it… it just won’t work for me, is all.” Staring down at his lap, Jon occupies himself with tracing circles onto one knee with his fingernail. “The Beholding isn’t keen on losing its Archivist.”

“It didn’t mind losing Gertrude.”

“Gertrude… wasn’t as far gone as I am,” Jon says quietly. “She never fully embraced the power the Eye offered. Not to the extent that I did. Blinding herself would have released her from the Eye’s service. She planned on it, actually, but Elias got to her first. And she was still human enough for a gunshot to kill her.”

And wasn’t that a release, in a way? Is it morbid for Jon to envy the fact that Gertrude even had that option available to her?

“Right,” is all Melanie says. She sounds dubious.

“I’m not just speculating a worst-case scenario to give myself an excuse not to go through with it.” Jon can feel himself bristling now. “I know it won’t work. I’ve tried. Multiple times. It hurts like hell, and then I heal. All I got out of it was an onset of chronic cluster headaches – though, who knows,” he adds acidly, “that may have just been the side effect of becoming a linchpin of the apocalypse and having all the world’s terror crammed into my head. I didn’t bother Knowing. It wouldn’t have made a difference.”

“Jon,” Georgie says gently – and all the fight goes out of him, shoulders slumping.

“Sorry,” he sighs. “Didn’t mean to snap.”

“I wasn’t scolding you. It’s just – you’re scratching.”

Oh. Jon looks down to see long, angry red scratches on his forearms, already fading now.

“Sorry,” he says again. “Didn’t notice.”

“It’s alright.”

Another awkward pause, until Melanie breaks the silence.

“Are you sure blinding will work for the rest of us?” she asks. She no longer sounds suspicious. Simply… curious: reminiscent of how things used to be, back when she was an avid investigator, beholden only to herself.

“Yes.”

“Did I…? Last time?”

“Are you sure you want to know?” Jon waits until Melanie gives a firm nod before he answers the question. “You did.”

“And it worked.”

“It worked.”

Melanie nods again. She’s clenching her teeth, if the subtle movements in her jaw are any indication. Closing her eyes, she takes a deep breath in, lets it out slowly – and her shoulders relax. By the time she’s opened her eyes, there’s the hint of a smile on her face.

“Good,” she says, equal parts relief and determination.

“S-so, do you think you’ll –” Jon stops himself, shaking his head. “No, sorry, I shouldn’t pry.”

Melanie simply shrugs. “I haven’t made a decision yet. Let’s just say I’m strongly considering it.”

Georgie’s hand tightens on Melanie’s, worry lining her face.

“Tell me what happened last time?” Melanie says. “I’d like to hear the whole story.”

Jon takes a deep breath, rubbing his arms as he orders his thoughts.

“Last time, I didn’t know about the bullet until after I woke up,” he begins. “I, ah, only saw you briefly – you were, um… you were convinced that I wasn’t me anymore. Didn’t want me anywhere near you.”

Thought I should have been the one to die, he doesn’t add. Most days, Jon couldn’t find fault in that assessment. He didn’t want to die – most of the time, anyway – but if he could have traded his life for Tim’s… well, it wouldn’t have been a difficult decision.

“So how did you find out about it, then?”

“I just… Knew it, all of a sudden.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Melanie narrows her eyes suspiciously.

“It’s an Archivist thing. I mean, you're probably already aware – I just… Know things, sometimes, even without compelling anyone. It started before the Unknowing, but it wasn’t as noticeable. Or as often. And it was typically more vague impressions, rather than specific truths. It got worse after I woke up from the coma. More frequent, more detailed, more – intrusive.”

“Fantastic,” Melanie says sourly.

“Yes, I’m not thrilled about it either. Sometimes I can Know things by choice, but the Beholding has a tendency to withhold answers to the questions I actually ask. Mostly it just airdrops information on me unsolicited. Often without me even wondering about a thing. Just… apropos of nothing. I did have much more control over it after the world ended, but, well…” He shrugs, awkward. “Not anymore. I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?” Melanie repeats.

“Last time, I had – still have, I suppose – a tendency to Know things about specific people. Things they wouldn’t normally share with me. I still remember things I Knew back then. Including some things about you.”

The color rises in Melanie’s cheeks. “That’s –”

“An invasion of privacy, I know,” he says, contrite. “I really will try to avoid it, just… sometimes things slip through the cracks when I’m not paying attention.”

“So, what, you can read minds?” Melanie says, an accusation threaded through the question. “Like Elias?”

Jon visibly recoils.

“Melanie,” Georgie begins, but Jon cuts her off.

“No, it’s – it’s a fair question. Elias’ powers come from the same source mine do.” He pauses, nervously flexing his fingers as he composes an explanation. “I can’t see your thoughts verbatim. It’s just… Knowing things. It’s the same with Elias. Sometimes it seems like he can read minds, b-but that’s – that’s just because he’s very – very good at reading people –”

“– finding you when you’re at your lowest point, when you’re your most emotionally vulnerable. And when you’re at that point it’s astounding what can crawl into your heart and start to fester there –“

Jon bites his tongue, applying pressure until the Archive stops its clamoring. Melanie raises her eyebrows in an unspoken question.

“Sorry. Sometimes it just slips out, and…” He laughs and massages his temples. “Well. Still an Archive, in the end.”

His voice cracks and Georgie’s already-concerned expression grows more serious.

“Jon –”

“I’m fine, Georgie,” Jon says, more curtly than intended. “Sorry. I just – I can’t go there right now.”

“We can take a break if you need,” she says.

“No, I… let’s just continue.” He nods at Melanie. “You have more questions.”

Melanie gnaws on the inside of her cheek for a moment, mulling over her words.

“Can you do that…” She wiggles her fingers vaguely. “That thing where you put thoughts in people’s heads?”

“No. Not – not really.”

Not anymore, he corrects privately. During the apocalypse, he was able to make others See and feel things, but… only because he could call upon the Ceaseless Watcher to turn its gaze upon them. Here in the past, the Beholding and all the other Fears remain cloistered behind their door, leeching through the cracks but unable to fully manifest in the world.

“But I, um…” Jon pauses, wetting his lips nervously. “In addition to compelling people to tell me things, sometimes I can compel people to… to do things. Nothing – nothing complex. Simple commands, mostly. ‘Stop,’ ‘leave,’ ‘look,’ ‘don’t look,’ that sort of thing. I haven’t done it often, but the times I have… with a few exceptions, it’s usually been accidental. A sort of – knee-jerk defense mechanism of sorts.”

“Hmm.” Melanie crosses her arms, tapping her foot on the ground.

“I realize that reflects poorly on me.” He swallows, mouth going dry. “It’s… a terrifying prospect, being near someone who can do something like that, and doesn’t have full control over it.”

Jon knows – and Knows via billions of proxies – what it’s like to have something other supplant his will and commandeer his body. Melanie deserves to know the risks of standing too close to him.

“I promise I’ll try to keep it under control, I just – wanted you to be aware of it. I won’t blame you if you’d rather not be around me.”

“Stop being so melodramatic,” Melanie says, rolling her eyes.

“I’m not,” Jon says flatly. “Compelling answers and – and subsisting on a diet of fear has always been more than enough to justify people keeping their distance. Adding more sinister bullshit on top of the pile doesn’t exactly do me credit. I know – Know how people see me.” He laughs, a harsh and humorless thing. “I can’t not Know.”

People tend to naturally give him a wide berth, as if they can sense that there’s something wrong about him, even if they can’t quite discern why. If he’s too careless, if he locks eyes with the wrong person, sometimes they can’t look away – and sometimes he can’t, either, and he’s forced to watch as the terror dawns in their eyes. Just like the nightmares, bleeding into his waking life.

Jon can feel when people are afraid; the Archivist in him relishes it, gravitates towards it like a flower turning to face the sun, soaks it in regardless of whether or not he wants it. And there is always a part of him that does want it, that always wants more – and isn’t that fitting, taking a page from the book of his very first monster? He is, quite literally, a thing of nightmares. Helen is right: he is what he is, and there’s no use denying it.

He’s always been hypersensitive to how other people perceive him. Being able to Know how people really feel about him has historically tended to confirm his customary hostile attribution bias. Vicariously feeling the reality of others’ hatred and fear of him, passively basking in it, being forced to derive sustenance from it – god, it’s like cannibalizing his own vicious self-loathing, a sustainable resource that can be recycled ad infinitum. It takes self-flagellation to a new and perverse extreme.

“I Know when people don’t want to be near me,” he says, unable to suppress the bitterness in his tone. “When someone nearby is afraid, I feel it – as natural as sensing the temperature in a room. I feed on it. It’s an automatic process. So if it’s all the same to you, I’d rather not bask in the knowledge of how much the other people in the room can’t stand breathing the same air as me, if I can avoid it.”

“Jon,” Georgie tries again, “I know how things used to be, but –”

“It’s different now, I know. But the Eye tends to prioritize – well, unpleasant impressions. I know it’s only giving me one side of the story. That there’s more, even if I can’t See it. But fear is loud. Doesn’t leave room for mindfulness.”

Georgie has a reply ready, but Melanie speaks first.

“Okay. I get it.” At Jon’s blank expression, Melanie heaves a sigh – aggravated, but not hostile. “It’s like how anger was for me, okay? Rage has a way of drowning out everything else. Reliable, when nothing else can be trusted. Makes things clearer, simpler. Made me feel more… alive, real.” She hesitates, crossing her arms and shifting uncomfortably in her seat. “Nourishing. Sort of. I guess.”

“Yeah,” Jon says, picking aimlessly at his sleeve.

“I’ll just avoid being in the same room as you when I’m… having a day,” she continues. Jon nods. “Or you can just tell me to go away if I’m – I don’t know, giving off rancid vibes, or whatever.”

Jon breathes a surprised, amused huff. “Well. Same goes for you, I suppose.”

He’s even more shocked to see a grin twitch to life on Melanie’s face – very small, but present all the same. Then, appearing to take pity on him, she changes the subject.

“So, you Knew about the bullet.”

“Yes,” Jon says, grateful for the opportunity to move on. “But not until a couple weeks after I got out of the hospital. Didn’t even realize I Knew it until I said it aloud.”

“Meaning it had more time to poison me, where you’re from. Was I… worse?”

“Well, the first time I saw you after I came back, you attacked me on sight, so… maybe? But I don’t really have a point of comparison. That was the only time I saw you up until we removed it, so I don’t know how much you deteriorated in the interim. And this time, I only saw you after the bullet had already been removed.”

“I attacked you?” She doesn’t sound surprised, really. More… intrigued.

“In your defense, you didn’t think I was me anymore. Tim died, Daisy was presumed dead, and I was still alive.” He knows that, of the three of them, Melanie wouldn’t have picked Jon to be the survivor. I hope it hurts, she’d said in her testament. Instead, he slept for six months and then woke up wrong. “You were angry, and afraid, and you had a bullet in your leg making it worse. You needed someone to blame, and Elias was beyond your reach.”

So I was the next best thing, he doesn’t say. Bitterness aside, Jon can’t say he blames her.

Melanie narrows her eyes suspiciously. “Then how the hell did you convince me to have it removed?”

“We, uh… we didn’t. I told Basira first. She – didn’t think you would have agreed. So, we…” Jon forces himself to meet Melanie’s eyes as he gives the confession. “We performed some amateur surgery. Without your consent. Basira procured some local anesthetic, and the Eye let me See where the bullet was, how to remove it with… minimal damage. You were using some rather strong sleep aids, at the time, so you slept through most of it. You only woke up once the bullet was out. And you, uh, promptly stabbed me with the scalpel, though I – I probably deserved that.”

“What the fuck, Jon.”

“I – I know, I know. I’m – well, it might be – odd, to apologize for something that never happened from your perspective? But I am sorry. It wasn’t right, for us to do it that way. We should have asked you.”

“I might not have agreed.” Her voice is tightly controlled, but there’s still a quiet sort of fury simmering just under the words.

“No, uh – probably not. You said later that the anger was always there. Motivating you to keep going. Helping you survive. The Slaughter validated that rage. Made it feel like home.” Melanie stares, unblinking. “You told me the bullet stayed because you wanted it, and… we took that choice from you, decided what was in your best interests without asking you how you felt about it.”

Melanie is quiet for a few more moments, glaring at the floor, before her eyes flick back up to meet Jon's. “What would have happened if you didn’t get it out of me?”

“I can’t say for certain, but it’s likely that you would have become a Slaughter Avatar. Reached a point of no return.”

She scoffs. “So it was worth it, in the end?”

“I don’t know. I want to say yes. You saw me as a monster, and I doubt you would have wanted to become like me. Something inhuman, feeding on suffering. But…”

“But?”

“It’s easy to look at how things ultimately worked out for you and use that outcome to justify what we did,” he says, “but I – I’m not fond of the idea that the ends justify the means. I didn’t know at the time that you and Georgie were this close. If I did, maybe I could have asked her to talk to you, except…”

“We weren’t speaking,” Georgie says.

“Yeah. I – honestly don’t know what else we could have done, but… still, the way we went about it was wrong. You were trapped here like the rest of us, and we… we stole the only thing that gave you some semblance of control. What we did was a violation of your autonomy. I know that feeling, I know how it feels to…” Jon shakes his head. “We saved your life, or – your humanity, at least, but in doing so we took away your choice. Subjected you to more trauma, made it so you couldn’t feel safe anywhere. Eventually you quit, and you and Georgie seemed happy together after that, but the fact that you were able to start healing – that doesn’t change the fact that we hurt you in the first place. I’m sorry.”

“This place,” Melanie says with a breathless laugh.

“Yeah. It’s… not known for presenting benign choices. I’m, ah… I’m glad that this time, it was your own choice.”

“And what if I had still said no?”

“I probably would’ve given you the line about becoming a monster like me. I would have told you what happened last time – or, told Georgie and let her tell you, more likely, if only to avoid any, ah… stabbiness.” Melanie huffs, but it sounds amused rather than offended. “And if you still decided to choose the Slaughter after being fully informed… well, it wasn’t my place to take the choice away from you.”

“Even if I wasn’t in my right mind?” she asks.

“Even if you weren’t in your right mind.”

Melanie’s stare is piercing, scanning him for any signs of dishonesty. Eventually, she folds her arms and leads back in her chair with a hmm.

“What?” Jon asks, heart in his throat.

“Just – unexpected. Would’ve expected you to make a unilateral decision.”

Truthfully, Jon doesn’t trust himself to make those kinds of decisions. Last time, he’d let Basira call the shot. Not only did he trust her judgment more than his own – secretly, selfishly, he was relieved to abdicate at least some of the responsibility. He doubts that his conscience would have been able to carry the full burden of that choice.

Later, during the apocalypse, he had made an executive decision on someone else’s behalf: Jordan Kennedy. In that instance, there was no one with whom he could share the blame. Although it was intended as an act of mercy, Jon cannot deny that he created an unwilling Avatar – stripped a man of his humanity and reshaped him into something other, same as had been done to Jon.

The people in that domain would have continued to suffer just the same whether it was controlled by an Avatar or a hivemind of ants. At least this way, one person could be spared the torture. But it didn’t save anyone. It did not even end Jordan’s suffering, only transformed it into a different, hypothetically more endurable but still horrific shape – one that Jon knew all too intimately.

It was done with merciful intentions, and he may have given Jordan the choice to reverse it – a choice that Jon has never been given himself – but making that decision for Jordan in the first place… well, at the end of the day, Jon could never shake the feeling that he’d taken a page out of Jonah’s playbook. It wasn’t the same, but it felt… adjacent, too much so for comfort.

The choice has haunted Jon ever since. It eats away at him every time he sees Jordan in his nightmares, whenever Jordan watches him with the same dread that he does Jane Prentiss. Yet, Jon still cannot say for certain whether he would do anything differently, if faced with Jordan’s agonized pleading a second time.

But as for Melanie’s particular situation…

“I know what it’s like to have someone else decide on your destiny for you,” he says quietly.

Melanie looks thoroughly unimpressed.

“Look, I – I understand why you resent me. Elias used you to further the Archivist’s progress. Same as he used Tim, Sasha, and Martin, and Basira and Daisy, and Helen… even Jane Prentiss, Mike Crew, Jude Perry – and Jared, Manuela, Peter… everyone, everyone who crosses his path is either irrelevant or a stepping stone. Which means that everyone who crosses my path suffers.”

Stop, Jon tells himself, shutting his eyes tight against the first stirrings of panic lapping at the edges of his mind. It’s pathetic, he thinks, how easily he sinks into this headspace. Jon’s mutinous brain does all of Jonah’s work for him – like prodding at a recent wound, just to see if it still hurts, even knowing full well that it only sabotages the healing process. Stupid, pointless. Just stop dwelling on it.

He can’t.

“All of it – all of it was to create the Archive to his specifications –”

“– bound together – I would look at him, and see a grim sort of destiny for myself: trapped here, until I became him; any future I might have had, sacrificed to his –”

“– and I just – I don’t want people to look at me and – and see him. Or the Beholding –”

“– keeping its prisoners ignorant in pursuit of… knowledge –”

“– I've spent enough time being synonymous with the Eye. I don’t want it. I never wanted it, even if I did choose to – to keep looking for answers –”

“– idiots who destroyed themselves chasing a secret that wasn’t worth knowing –”

“– I can’t reverse that, but I can still make it difficult for Elias to get any use out of me. But I’m sorry – I’m sorry that I let him do it for so long –”

“– any idiot could have seen it would play out that way –”

“– I’m sorry you got dragged into all this. I wish I could have gone back to the very beginning, back to the day I took the job, and – god, I thanked Elias for the opportunity, and he – he smiled, because he knew, he knew I would be easily manipulated, knew everything about me – knew all about –”

Thankfully, Georgie interrupts his heated muttering and brings that thought train to a jarring halt. Or – no, she's been saying his name, but he's only just now heard it.

“Jon,” she says, loudly but calmly. She's leaning forward in her seat, hand prepared to reach over to him. “You’re scratching again.”

So he is. Badly. As soon as he stops, the scratches along his forearms heal, leaving only drying blood behind: thin, messy streaks painted across his skin and caked under his fingernails. He should probably clip them shorter, at this rate.

“Sorry,” he says, pulling his sleeves down to hide his arms. “I’m just – sorry.”

“Change the subject?” Georgie offers, lowering her arm.

“I think that would be best,” Jon agrees, discomfited and more than a little annoyed with himself. Will he ever be able to spare a thought for Jonah Magnus without completely unraveling in the process? Hell, will he ever be able to go a day without sparing a single thought for Jonah Magnus at all? Okay, no, stop harping, he reprimands himself. “Just – give me a minute.”

Jon forces himself to take several breaths until he can no longer hear his heartbeat thundering in his ears. Once he regathers his composure, he meets Melanie’s eyes again.

“What I mean to say is – I owe you a lot of apologies, Melanie. I was dismissive of you when we first met, and it just sort of – snowballed from there.”

“It was mutual, I think,” Melanie says guardedly.

“Still, I was – unprofessional, at the very least. And unnecessarily cruel. It was my job to be impartial, but I didn’t have to be callous. Most of the statements that come in aren’t real, but they aren’t impossible, either. And even if a story was due to – substance use, or mental illness, or – or even just an overactive imagination… most people who came in still believed that their story was true. Their distress was genuine. They deserved comfort, not ridicule, regardless of whether or not their story actually happened the way they remembered. And beyond that, it was… poor research methodology, really, to refuse to entertain the possibility of a story’s veracity simply because of my first impression of a statement giver.” His voice grows quieter. “Or because of my own baggage.”

“Your own baggage?”

“I, ah…” Jon deliberates for a brief moment on whether to share this part of himself. It seems only fair, given the personal details he knows about the rest of them. And… telling Daisy had felt cathartic in its own way, hadn't it? “I had a supernatural experience of my own once. Before working at the Institute, I mean. I was a child, so of course it was chalked up to an overactive imagination. And then at some point I was too old to still be afraid of monsters.”

Jonathan, this has gotten out of hand, his grandmother had told him with hands on her hips, exasperated after once again finding every door and cupboard in the house thrown open. Ten is too old to be sleeping with the lights on and checking closets for monsters.

And with that, she had closed the closet doors, flicked the light off, and pulled his bedroom door shut on her way out. He had clung desperately to the hope that she would at least leave the hall light on – but moments later the thin strip of light filtering through the crack under the door was snuffed out. When he heard the click of his grandmother's bedroom door down the hall, he'd dissolved into tears. Turning his face into his pillow to muffle his sobs so as not to alert her to yet another of his childish meltdowns, he spent the rest of the night – and countless nights thereafter – sleeping in fitful stops and starts, plagued by phantom knocking and chitinous clicking and creaking doors. He knows now that such sounds were nothing more than hypnopompic hallucinations, the remnants of nightmares chasing him into wakefulness; knows that the web binding him in place and the hulking presence in the room were only symptoms of sleep paralysis; but at the time…

Jon shakes his head.

“The fear doesn’t go away just because people don’t believe it’s based in truth. So, I learned to hide it instead. To stop talking about it, even though I never stopped searching for an answer –”

“– was there when he was taken; he never got over what he saw. Or didn’t see. After much searching and despair, it drove him into the waiting arms of the Institute –”

“– damn,” he hisses, flustered.

“You okay?” Georgie asks.

“Yeah,” he says gruffly. “Just – one moment.”

Pause, breathe, recollect. Listen to the quiet – which really shouldn’t be so difficult, should it? Aren’t archives supposed to be quiet? Why does this library have to be so horrifically noisy? – and breathe, breathe, breathe. Okay.

“What I’m saying is, I coped with it – poorly – with denial. I could never shake the conviction that what I saw was real, no matter how I tried to rationalize it. But I was still afraid that admitting belief in monsters would – draw their attention to me, somehow. Again. And because of that, I was… unsympathetic, to people who were genuinely afraid. The last thing they needed was derisive skepticism. Or projection. I know what it’s like to not be believed. I shouldn’t have put others through the same thing.”

“Huh.” Melanie looks him up and down. “That’s… unusually insightful for you.”

“I had a lot of time alone to obsess during the apocalypse,” Jon says drily. “Some of it even ended up being productive.” Melanie snorts; Jon gives a cautious smile. “I, ah, also should have tried harder to warn you away from India. Or the Institute in general.”

“And I would have told you to fuck off, because I already didn’t like you, and you would have been just one more in a long line of pompous men acting like they knew better than me.”

Jon laughs. “I suppose you’re right.”

“Look, we just – we both treated each other poorly. You were the easiest target to take my anger out on. Martin’s too nice, Basira was basically a hostage, Daisy is Daisy, and Tim… Tim wasn’t around much, and anyway, he would have thrown whatever I gave him right back in my face. You were a prick, but I think I blamed you more than was fair. And I guess… you were – are – trapped as much as the rest of us. So. I’m sorry too.”

“Well, it’s not like I tried to make a good first impression.”

“Neither did I.” She glowers at him, daring him to challenge her. “Accept the apology or don’t, but don’t throw it back in my face.”

“Fine,” Jon sighs. “I accept the apology.”

“There. Was that so hard?”

“Excruciating,” he deadpans.

Georgie snorts. Melanie and Jon both look at her with a combined, “What?”

“Just… watching the two of you. I think I may have a type.”

Another simultaneous, “What?”

“Curious, stubborn, temperamental, cute, short…”

“H-hey,” Melanie protests, “I’m at least a few centimeters taller than he is –”

“One-point-eight, actually,” Jon mutters under his breath – and then cracks a smile, encouraged by Georgie’s bright, surprised laugh. Melanie just glares at him.

“You know,” Melanie says, “you make it very hard to like you sometimes.”

“Sorry.” He’s not sorry at all. Shooting Georgie an indignant glance, he adds: “Also, I’m not cute.”

“I’m sure Martin would beg to differ,” Georgie teases. Jon sighs, arms crossed and face uncomfortably warm. “Well, anyway…” Georgie grins, looking between the two of them. “Does this mean… truce?”

Melanie gives Jon another long, searching look, and Jon forces himself to meet her eyes.

“Yeah, alright,” she says after a moment, then looks down, bouncing her heel against the floor. “Seems the only one who isn’t trapped and miserable is Elias. And you’re not him. Or working with him. So.” She shrugs one shoulder. “That just makes you one of us. I guess.” When Jon doesn’t reply, she glances back up at him. “What’s that face for?”

“That, uh…” Speechless, Jon roots around for something substantial to say. Instead, one corner of his mouth quirks up as he says, with tentative daring: “That might just be one of the nicest things you’ve ever said to me, is all.”

“Yeah, well…” Melanie scoffs, but there’s a hint of amusement in it now. “I’m still going to call you out when you’re being a dick, mind.”

“A public service, really,” Jon says, wry and more than a little elated.

An invitation to playful bickering as opposed to scathing antagonism is, as far as he and Melanie are concerned, an undeniable olive branch.

End Notes:

Jon: my type is Aggressively Idealistic Existentialists Who Give Amazing Hugs, apparently Georgie: and my type is Short Nerds With Strong Feelings About Basically Everything ~*mlm/wlw solidarity*~ But seriously though,,, I love the idea of Georgie and Martin meeting the End and the Vast, respectively, and basically going "hey why don't you read some Camus and maybe you'll calm down???" I may or may not be projecting. I need them and Oliver to have a philosophy book club. Actually everyone else can come too. Basira strikes me as the type to have some Strong Opinions about Certain Philosophers and yes sure that dude may have died ages ago and maybe she shouldn't take it so personally but if she found a Leitner that let her temporarily resurrect him for an hour she might just do so if only for the opportunity to debate his pompous ass in a Tesco parking lot. (I, once again, may or may not be projecting. I was a philosophy minor and I WILL pepper in the fact that I hate Kant. You cannot hold this against me.)

____

Citations for Jon's Archive-speak are as follows, in order of appearance: MAG 094; 153; 144/101/111/014; 101.

Martin's "I think our experience of the universe has value, even if it disappears forever" quote is from MAG 151 and yes it IS one of my all time favorite Martin quotes, how could you tell

Disclaimer re: how Jon talks about his ace identity: I'm ace & projecting a bit, like I do with Jon's ADHD/neurodivergence. The way I describe ace stuff is not meant to be reflective of all ace-spec people's experiences.

would you believe me if I said the whole 'deservedness' spiel was written before the latest episode??? bc it was and then I read the newest ep transcript and I was like "oh"

Sorry for the delay in getting this chapter out, btw. funny story: I accidentally let the prescription for my ADHD meds expire and I had to go like four days without them before I could go get another paper script bc it's one they can't submit electronically or call in, soooo I got fuck-all done for half of that week and it broke my writing flow :0  hoping to get back into my usual flow from here on out and manage to have the next chapter ready in 2ish weeks, but we shall see. Thanks for sticking with me <3  (I might start shortening chapters again, the last few have been 10k+ compared to the earlier 6-8k and I could probably stand to split them up a bit.)

Speaking of the next chapter - yes, I AM planning on moving the plot forward I swear. I realize the last few chapters have basically taken place within a single week and have been mostly People Talking About Things, RIP.  

And as always, thank you for reading, and for all your comments! <3 They're basically 50% of my regular serotonin intake. The other 50% is my cat's motorboat purring.

[islamicrays]

Top 10 Tips for Maximizing Your State During Quarantine:

1. Reconnect with the sajada.

The sajada is one of the greatest acts of devotion to God and the believer never tires of it, but rather delights in placing their face in the lowest position possible while praising the "Most High.”

Allah ﷻ commanded Iblis to make sajada to Adam (`alayhi salam), but he refused. In the Qur'an we have 14/15 places of sujood for sajadah at-tilawa. And the Prophet ﷺ mentioned in many hadith the virtue of the sajadah.

Ma'dan b. Talha reported: I met Thauban, the freed slave of God's Messenger, and asked him to tell me about an act for which, if I do it, God will admit me to Paradise, or I asked about the act which was loved most by God. He gave no reply. I again asked and he gave no reply. I asked him for the third time, and he said: I asked God's Messenger about that and he said: Make frequent prostrations before God, for you will not make one prostration without raising you a degree because of it, and removing a sin from you, because of it. Ma'dan said that then he met Abu al-Darda' and when he asked him, he received a reply similar to that given by Thauban.

In the second Hadith, Rabi'a b. Ka'b said: I was with God's Messenger one night and I brought him water and what he required. He said to me: Ask (anything you like). I said: I ask your company in Paradise. He (the Prophet) said: Or anything else besides it. I said: That is all (what I require). He said: Then help me to achieve this for you by devoting yourself often to prostration. (Sahih Muslim)

So stop rushing through it and start appreciating the gift of sajada and enjoying every second of it. Look forward to it and rejoice in the promise that your sins are being removed, your rank is being raised, and you will be promised the company of the Beloved ﷺ in Paradise!

2. Take inventory of your actions, limb by limb.

We know that our limbs will all speak against us on the Day of Judgement. Isn't it time to intervene and redress the wrongs we've all committed against ourselves? Why wait until that day to answer for everything we've done? Why not apologize to ourselves, limb by limb, body part by body part, NOW?

وَالَّذِينَ إِذَا فَعَلُوا فَاحِشَةً أَوْ ظَلَمُوا أَنفُسَهُمْ ذَكَرُوا اللَّهَ فَاسْتَغْفَرُوا لِذُنُوبِهِمْ وَمَن يَغْفِرُ الذُّنُوبَ إِلَّا اللَّهُ وَلَمْ يُصِرُّوا عَلَىٰ مَا فَعَلُوا وَهُمْ يَعْلَمُونَ - 3:135

"And those who, when they commit an immorality or wrong themselves [by transgression], remember Allah and seek forgiveness for their sins - and who can forgive sins except Allah ? - and [who] do not persist in what they have done while they know. (3:135)"

Sit with yourself, preferably after you've completed a prayer and find one limb or faculty to focus on and hold yourself accountable for all the wrongs you've used it for. For example, your tongue. Think about all the lies you've told, the foul words you've said, the gossip you've spread, the harsh and mean insults you've hurled at someone, the food/drink you ate that was haram or questionable, etc.

3. Think of the people you've hurt, and make sincere repentance to Allah ﷻ.

We've all hurt people in our lives before, whether physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, etc.

Think about the tears you've ever caused someone. Think about the hearts you've ever broken. Think about the people you've denied. Think about the relationships you've cut off. Think about all of it and either make a physical list or a spiritual list where you go one by one and apologize sincerely before Allah ﷻ for whatever pain you've caused. This is NOT the time to defend yourself or justify your actions. This is the time for COMING CLEAN and making amends in this life before you are taken to task in the next life. Force yourself to admit what you've done to yourself and accept that you were a jerk, then ask Allah ﷻ to forgive you and to grant that person or person all the good in this life and the next.

4. Think of the money you've spent wastefully or the food/drink you've thrown away, or any other unnecessary excessive behavior and ask Allah ﷻ to forgive you. The Prophet ﷺ warned us:

“Allah does not like for you to waste wealth, nor ask many unnecessary questions, nor spread gossip.” (Musnad al Bazzar)

5. Make a vow to yourself and to your Lord and ask Him for strength so that you become more compassionate, more loving, more patient, more understanding, and LESS harsh, judgmental, critical, and cruel. Ask Him to soften your heart and heed the advice of the Beloved ﷺ who said:

“If you want to soften your heart, feed the poor and pat the head of the orphan.i.e, be kind.” (Musnad Ahmad)

P.S. Look into the work of GiveLight Foundation to do both!

6. Don't just eat clean, but listen clean and watch clean. In other words, stop watching filth and listening to garbage music. We've become a gluttonous society that indulges in every form of entertainment and base desire because we have more access to indulge our every whim and desire than ever before. The height of ignorance is being consumed with living and looking healthy on the outside for vanity's sake, but turning a blind eye to the damage we're causing to our spiritual hearts by all the garbage we consume.

The Beloved ﷺ told us:

“Verily, Allah has written for the son of Adam his portion of adultery which he will inevitably commit: the adultery of the eyes is a lustful look, the adultery of the tongue is lustful speech. The soul craves and yearns; the passions will affirm or deny.” (Bukhari and Muslim)

7. READ actual books and improve your literacy and communication skills. One of the greatest gifts that God has given the human being is the faculty of language and to understand things, but we've become a generation and a society that no longer reads and uses our intellect to its actual potential. It's time to turn off the Youtube and TikTok videos, and the never-ending stream of soundbites we get from all forms of digital communication, and actually READ, THINK, REFLECT, and PRAISE our Lord for the gifts that differentiate us from beasts and other creations.

“If Allah intends goodness for someone, he gives him understanding of the religion.” (Bukhari & Muslim)

8. Make dua'h for our scholars, past and present for their tireless service to preserving our deen and guiding us through difficult times. Sit with yourself for a few minutes and remember the teachers you've been impacted by the most and ponder on their lives and their humanity. Relate to them as humans who could have gone into any other field and profited from their brilliant intellects, but who chose the path of God instead because they understood the value of knowing this beautiful faith and teaching it to others. Make a renewed intention to show them the respect they deserve, to honor them for the purpose of honoring *the knowledge* they possess. Make the niyyah to help them if you can by supporting their works and sharing their teachings, or at the very least making du'ah for them.

The Beloved ﷺ taught us: “Whoever does not thank people has not thanked Allah.” (Abu Dawud)

9. Ask Allah ﷻ to give you the best ending from this world and actually sit with yourself and think about exactly what that means for YOU. Visualize it and BELIEVE with certainty that Your Lord will accept your most sincere wish as long as the degree with which you believe is strong with conviction. Remember the words of our Beloved ﷺ who said:

"What I fear most for my community is weakness of certainty." (Tabarani)

DO NOT be weak in your certainty with Allah ﷻ for everything else in creation is fleeting and illusory, but He is the Ultimate Reality and He is in the opinion of His servant, so THINK HIGH always of the MOST HIGH!

10. Start preparing your will. Seriously. Open up a document on your laptop or computer, or even in your Note folder or email draft. Just type. Write out who you want to wash you, where you want to be buried, who you want to distribute specific things to, how you want your kids to be raised, the qualities you want your spouse to consider in a future spouse, etc.

It doesn't have to be a formal document, although that would be ideal. Just write and get the ball rolling. If God forbid anything happens to you, at least you will have given your loved ones SOME direction on how to proceed without you. And something is better than nothing.

As I have said on multiple occasions, this time we've been given is a SPIRITUAL WINDFALL. We will likely NEVER in our lifetimes ever see an opportunity to TURN OUR LIVES around and change course.

Imagine yourself all these years headed down a perilous path but because it was shiny and so full of sparkly lights and distractions, you THOUGHT it was great. And then Allah ﷻ causes your car to spiral out of control and you are finally away from all the blinding lights and distractions and you can see that you were headed towards a cliff!!

He has just taken us off course, the choice is ours: do we go back on the bright and shiny street or choose a quieter, less busy, and more serene road that leads to somewhere truly SAFE?

May Allah ﷻ guide us and give us and help us come out as winners after all of this, not losers. Amin.

-Ustadha Hosai Mojaddidi

[floatingcatacombs]

Top 10 Sexiest Mechas

12 Days of Aniblogging, Day 4

Mecha is one of the most intimidating genres for anime newcomers. The plots seem overly complex, the episode counts too long, and the giant robot war settings difficult to relate to. I think that all of these are valid concerns, but that mecha often gets a bad rap when most people don’t even want to try it. What both newcomers scared of the genre and hardcore mecha fans often fail to recognize, though, is that on top of the messages of the series, mechas always represent bodies. They are giant robotic representations of their pilots, the visions of their creators, collective psyches, and/or the work’s central themes. The degree of anthropomorphism, the level of abstraction with which the pilot controls the mecha, the colors and shape and size…all of these bodily elements directly tie back to the mecha’s role in the story. Of course, if mechas are bodies, then they are also vulnerable to sexualization. So let’s take all of that into consideration and chart the top 10 sexiest mechs! I’ll be keeping it capped at one entry per series, and will talk about all media, not just anime and manga.

 10. EQUUS from Concrete Revolutio

Starting off the list we’ve got a pretty weird pick, but I wanted to make sure that I shouted out this show. Concrete Revolutio is a kaiju and superhero-deconstructing delight, but when it comes to mechas it really plays things by ear and aims for the coolest setpieces possible. The protagonist’s mecha is essentially a Transformer that unfolds from a car into a centaur mecha. While the car body middle leaves a little to be desired, overall the design is a very good synthesis of Car and Horse. It’s certainly a better implementation of the centaur mecha design than say, Overwatch’s Orsia, who has a very visually muddled walking pattern because her legs are far too tiny and packed closely to each other. I’m especially a fan of the wheel joints on the knees and hooves on EQUUS, as well as the unicorn horn. Much as a centaur is an identity crisis between man and beast, Jiro is constantly in self-conflict over whether he can be a heroic protector of all superhumans or if he’s just a monster in disguise.

 9. Metal Gear Zeke from Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker

Metal Gear Solid is one of the most iconic mecha series out there, so picking one specific Metal Gear over all the others proved challenging. The classic boxy REX, the smooth aquatic RAY, the upright Sahelanthropus, the arachnid EXCELSUS…there’s lots of good ones to pick from! It was a tough battle, but ultimately I had to go with ZEKE, the first named Metal Gear chronologically. Designwise, the railgun and Z-shaped legs are a nice touch, but it’s the story arc around ZEKE that interests me the most. A lesbian-sourced war crime machine, ZEKE was created by MSF, the nationless nation of soldiers run by Big Boss. It ended up being hijacked by terrorists from within and nearly caused a globally eradicating nuclear exchange, which is as good of a metaphor as they get for why deterrence is a fucked ideology. Accidents happen, stockpiles become more and more sunk costs, and sometimes anime girl triple agents infiltrate your military base and steal your cool robot.

8. Char’s Zaku II from Mobile Suit Gundam

Confession time: I haven’t actually seen any Gundam. I’m more of a Macross gal myself. But I felt like not having any Gundam on this list would be like ignoring Star Wars on a space opera list. Anyways, Char seems like one of the most awful bastard characters of any series ever, so I’m happy to use a spot on this listicle for his mecha. The Zaku II is infamous for being “three times as fast” as its generic counterparts despite its only difference being its red paint, but c’mon – that’s Char’s absolute moral purity buffing his ship. You deserve that stat buff if you’ve Never Betrayed Anyone In Your Entire Life, Ever.

7. Deus Ex Machina from Promare

--Promare spoilers ahead--

Promare ends, as all Trigger works should, with a whole lot of Act 3 Bullshit. Plot twist after plot twist until all of the themes dangled at in the first half no longer matter, with nonstop fighting getting more ridiculous by the second. At our protagonist’s darkest moment, their problems get handwaved away and they are handed a deus ex machina of a mecha literally known as….Deus Ex Machina. A fusion of Lio’s jet black triangle armor and Galo’s knightly firefighter mecha, the design of this mecha represents their connection and understanding of each other. Yes, of course they’re gay. Why else would it be glistening in rainbow colors?

6. Terminus typeR909 from Eureka Seven

Another mecha anime I’ve hardly seen.. but one that I definitely want to get around to! Eureka Seven just seems like a genuinely delightful time, and I’m a sucker for romance-based mecha shows as well. Anyways, the piloted mechas in Eureka Seven are named after Roland drum machines, with the typeR909 is named after the classic TR-909. They’re nicely proportioned and there’s something sweet about the cutesy magenta robot of the fleet being piloted by a 30-year old man. I guess I’m just a sucker for the gentle undoing of gendered associations and music gear.

5. Eva Unit-01 from Nylon Genesect Evangelical

All of the Eva units are quite tall and bestial and wonderful, but it’s Eva-01 in particular that really stands out due to its conspicuous tendency to disobey its pilot and go berserk, fully unhinging its jaw. NGE takes the “mechs as bodies” thing pretty damn seriously, but throws in the delightful wrench of “what if it’s not your body that’s being represented?”

4. VF-1 Valkyrie from Macross

Macross was the first popular mecha series to utilize transforming robots. What makes Valkyries so sexy is that they’re not just limited to Spaceship and Gundam forms – they have an intermediary form. In GERWALK mode, the cockpit remains exposed having not folded into the mecha headpiece yet, and the wings are still popped out. However, the Valkyire has sprouted its arms and legs already, making it capable of landing, walking on the ground, and wielding a gun pod as a rifle.  It’s kind of adorable! Stuffed to the brim with weapons and tech, Valkyries are the perfect blend of stylized and realistic robots. The Itano Circus will live on forever in our hearts as the go-to tactic when you have plenty of talent on your animation team and your mechas are armed with way too many missiles.

3. Jehuty from Zone of the Enders

While the VF-1 mecha is sexy because of its utility and folding form, the Orbital Frames of Zone of the Enders are sexy because…they’re designed with a sexual angle. They’re famous for their literal cock pits, but combined with their broad shoulders, slim hourglass waists, and pronounced thighs, they exude a strong androgynous energy. Jehuty is one of the most recognizable frames simply by virtue of being the playable mecha, but definitely one of the hornier ones too. Case in point: at the end of Zone of the Enders 2, it receives an upgrade after absorbing its sister frame to become Naked Jehuty, a stripped-down but ridiculously powerful mecha with gold sections emulating bare skin. Yoji Shinkawa’s brain is simply too big.

 2. Bohrok Pahrak

Look, I can’t just not include any Bionicle on this list. They’re some of the most formative lil’ robots to me. But which one is the sexiest? That’s not really something I’ve had to consider before. While some of the titan sets such as Roodaka and Axonn have a certain sexual angle to them, it feels contrived, carrying the same kind of creepiness as horny OC designs. The Great Spirit Robot might be the super robot of the series, but its design is rather barebones and reminds me too much of The Iron Giant. So I ultimately settled on the Bohrok, the hivemind villains from 2002’s story. While most Bionicle are a combination of biological and robotic, the Bohrok are strictly mechanical – and piloted by the masklike Krana, making them mechas! You really shouldn’t fuck the Bohrok, but there’s just something so perfect about their design. They’ve got it all – not only transformability and an orb design, but transformability into an orb design. Their hunched-over stature reminds me of GERWALK Valkyries – it’s cute and functional! As for why Pahrak in particular, well, the shields it wields are vibrators. Just ignore the fact that they’re powerful enough to seismically level mountains, and you’ll be set.

1. The Entirety of Heaven Will Be Mine

You can tell that Aevee Bee and Mia Schwartz did their homework for Heaven Will Be Mine. They understand better than anyone else that a mecha is a representation of the pilot’s psyche and body, and that damage to the mecha is indistinguishable from that to the pilot. This is reinforced by the mechas being referred to as Ship-Selves – they are literally an extension of oneself more than anything else. By looking at a ship-self, you can almost immediately infer what kind of person the pilot is, what her position in bed is, and what her fetishes are. The layer of abstraction between pilot and mecha ranges from wafer-thin to nonexistent depending on the character. The side effect of this is that since HWBM is about a bunch of gay girls in space having sloppy ideologically charged hookups, the mechas have to be designed just as sexually as everything else. And by god did they deliver on that front. Some of the ship-selves, such as Mare Crisium and String of Pearls, take clear direct inspiration from Zone of the Enders frames. The Krun Macula takes some inspiration from Char’s Zaku II in terms of color and shape, but its face chimes give it a uniquely divine and powerful feeling with no mecha parallel. This perfectly mirrors Pluto’s powerlevel advantage over all of the other pilots, and her humanoid-but-not-quite ship-self perfectly represents her faction’s goals. On the other hand, the assimilationist Memorial Foundation believes in ending the space program and grounding all ship-selves to prevent the splintering of humanity. Their mission manifests literally in that each member of the faction wears some form of bondage gear to represent their shackles to the Earth, and even their Ship-Self has a spreader bar. Heaven Will Be Mine is ridiculously horny, and it has the vision, design, storytelling, music, and everything else to back it up. Truly, the best of all worlds. And if anyone who worked on the game is reading this post.,.thanks.