#ive already done other jobs that needed doing in the garden and i finished my planning and maths moderation data last night

[dontwanderoff]

putting it into the universe that i AM going to mark at least 10 student's writing pieces today (2-3 writing pieces per student) and have them plus the rest still to do organised into individual plastic pockets in a folder

[copiousloverofcopia]

Because I am INSANE here is another Chapter fic I have started featuring Copia and OC Astrid!

We will see where this goes because I have some people telling me include my signature stuff and others who want it left out. Feel free to tell me what you'd like to see in the comments!

Something Blue

Sister of Sin Astrid is anything but excited for Cardinal Copia to return home from tour. As his assistant, she leads a life of monotony and boredom from which she longs for more. When the Cardinal returns, anointed as Papa Emeritus IV, she is faced with an unwanted and unavoidable situation predicated on her family's position within the church. Will Astrid rise to what has been asked of her or will she destroy everything and leave it all behind?

Also available HERE on A03!

Commissions currently closed! They will open up again once I finish editing cosplay photos from my sessions 😅

Anyways here we got ghesties!!!

Below the cut for space

She smoothed over the crisp folds made in her black sheets. Lastly, fluffing up her well-slept on pillows before heading to the refectory. The smell of freshly baked bread was already wafting up the stairs from inside the kitchen—and a dutiful sister was never late for breakfast. Astrid was done up, smug with how well her mascara and eyeliner had come together for a change. Her porcelain pale face–perfectly dewy, with cheeks that blushed a delicate shade of rose. Her habit had been freshly ironed and veil well affixed to her dark navy hair. Carefully selected strands, falling down and framing her face. Adding to her natural beauty as she entered the hall.  

Today was a special day for the Abbey. The Cardinal would be returning from tour, and tonight the siblings and clergy would be ripe with celebration. Everyone was preparing for the festivities–not only for this triumphant return, but a special announcement to be made at the night’s celebratory dinner. Despite the expected fanfare, Astrid couldn’t care less about it. 

Had it not been for her determination to show Cirrus what she had been missing since their breakup, Astrid would have absent-mindedly gotten drunk and ignored the celebrations all together. Enjoying the spoils so generously donated from Secondo’s stash, much more than rejoicing in the old man’s return. She was the Cardinal’s assistant. Day in and day out, watching him work the finances—a prosaic job bestowed so lovely upon her by the Deacon Patrick. An old friend of the family who so happened to be the head of Sibling Affairs.

She had wanted something exciting to do after officially taking her vows.  It was her family’s idea however that she worked with the Cardinal, and of course she couldn’t say no. Ideas and dreams of a more interesting life—crushed with her appointment. There would be no working in the garden with Papa Primo, surrounded by the beauty of exotic flowers and his mystical practices with herbs and spells. Nor would she get the chance to bend down in low-cut garments in front of the Third as she tended to his “needs”.

No, all the potential for something more intriguing, ruined for the sake of giving the old man someone to double check his grammar on expensive reports and verify that budgets reached Sister Imperator in a timely fashion. It was a wonder to her that she hadn’t already gone stark-raving mad. From the moment they gave her the position she longed for more. Disappointed that she was destined to live out her days in monotony. In service to the Ministry and to others, unable to make many choices for herself. 

It was unavoidable, almost as much as an Emeritus son's ascension to the Papacy. Astrid’s father was a high clergyman for years before his passing, and her mother too, came from a bloodline that spanned back centuries. A family that helped to found the Satanic church in Italy—now pushing for her to continue her studies and move up within the ranks of the clergy. It was assumed that one day she would become an abbess or even a sister akin to the likes of Sister Imperator. A woman of high regard and power. 

Either way, she seemed to be expected to take up a mantle set out for her by a family she barely knew. Astrid was angry that she’d be unable to truly forge a future of her own. Her job with Copia, a reminder of just how tedious and unexciting the Ministry could be. That life for her was meant to be full of hard work and appeasement—masking her own desires. 

Copia himself was a kind man and Astrid bore no ill-will toward him. Although she could do without his obsession with his rats and other strange habits. Like the time she caught him riding around his tricycle at 3am—not the sight she expected to see when Cirrus and her had crept downstairs to fool around in the pews. She was ambivalent towards him, more caught up in her own misery than giving him much attention. Not really friends, but friendly one might say–though she could tell that the Cardinal felt differently about her. 

She paid it no mind and Copia was too much of a gentleman to bring it up, but It was a relief when Sister Imperator had convinced Papa Nihil to appoint him as head of Ghost, leaving Astrid to be responsibility free for a bit while he was gone. Not only would the desk work be on hold, but Cirrus too would be gone. The break up between them, leaving a bad taste in Astrid’s mouth. One she was glad to be rid of as the tour began. 

Today however, they were back. Any minute now, the ghouls of the band along with the Cardinal would arrive and she needed to hurry up if she wanted to stuff something into her face before they returned. When she had finally reached the refectory, Astrid grabbed herself a cappuccino and bowl of granola before sitting down on the bench just at the front of the room. Watching the main entrance from the doorway. Only a few moments passed before the inevitable cracking open of the door.  

“Argh why does this shit seem to get heavier every time I have to carry it.” Dew hissed, trying to reposition his pack higher up on his back. His tail, swishing around fast from side to side. A sure sign of annoyance as the other ghouls began filling in behind him. 

“Quit your blubbering. We are on break now Dew, no more luggage for a while.” Aether said, rolling his eyes as he lugged in his own bags through the door. 

“I don’t have any problem.” laughed Mountain, who picked both Dew and his bags up and walked them further inside. Effortless like he’d lifted a tissue from the ground. The other ghouls laughed a bit as they entered, watching Dew struggling to free himself from Mountain’s grasp. Astrid, almost choking on her coffee as we watched the slinky ghoul drop to the ground. 

It was amazing to her just how much like family the ghouls were with each other. She was always envious of how well they got along and just how much they all seemed to truly care about one another. She was also not shy about discovering how well they seemed to all be in the bedroom. Dating Alpha some years back before her and Cirrus had gotten together. She continued watching them as she took her empty bowl to the counter and threw away her napkin, next coming Cumulus and the Cardinal. 

Astrid noticed almost immediately something was different about him. Copia seemed happy to be home, which was all together expected, but his smile—it had changed. More confident than she had remembered. He glanced towards her, nodding to acknowledge he’d seen her before Astrid sent back a lackluster nod of her own. 

As her eyes shifted away, she caught sight of Cirrus walking inside. The tour seemed to have done wonders for her. The ghoulette’s ashen skin glowing as she wrapped her arm around Sunshine, kissing her fully and deep as they walked inside. The two of them giggling together like they’d spent the whole tour held up in bed. Astrid’s blood began to boil at the sight. Her anger and jealousy seething through every pore.

She took off out of her seat, rushing through the entryway to the refectory and down the hall towards the chapel. Copia watched, listening to the conversation of the ghouls and a few of the siblings that had come to greet them at the door. He could feel something was wrong. Though Astrid had never allowed him to get close, it didn’t take a genius to see the pain in her eyes. 

“Everything ok Papa.” Aether asked, noticing the concerned look on Copia’s face. He handed his bag over to Aether, as the ghoul insisted, and gave him a small smile before speaking. 

“I—ah…I think I will go check on Sister Astrid. She seems upset.” he explained. 

“Ha la Luna storta. I wouldn’t worry about it.” chimed in Marcus, a brother of sin who had been waiting for them to return. Copia started to walk off, watching as Astrid disappeared towards the chapel. 

“Papa, Sister Imperator is expecting you in her office.” Rain reminded him. Copia waved his hand to shrug off Rain’s concern. He needed to know what had the sister so upset. 

“No worries…I will head up there soon Rain…” he assured them as he took off towards the chapel.

How dare she move on so fast…fucking bitch. Glad I was just so easily replaced, Astrid raged. Her knees hitting the hassock as she began to pray for strength. Lucifer knows she didn’t want Cirrus back. The sister’s affections for the ghoulette, waning fast over the course of their rather dysfunctional relationship. But the idea of her moving on so easily, however, really pissed Astrid off. 

She felt herself begin to cry. The eye make-up she had prided herself on, beginning to run down her cheeks as she failed to hold them back. Just behind her was the sound of the door. A small creak that echoed gently in the room, alerting her to another’s presence. 

Astrid quickly wiped away the tears and pulled herself up onto the seat of the pew. Her heart, racing as she prepared for the worst. Hoping that Cirrus hadn’t followed her in. That no one had seen her losing her grip. 

“Cara mia?” A familiar voice spoke, as a warm body took its place beside her. Astrid looked over to see Copia sitting there. His face, full of concern and empathy. 

“It’s nothing, Cardinal. How was the tour?” she asked, hoping that Copia would be too polite to push further. 

“Glorious cara, there is truly nothing like it. The ghouls and I have grown quite close over the past 2 years. I honestly am very excited to do it again once I have had a chance to work on the next album of course.” he smiled. 

“Oh wow…I’m surprised that the clergy were that impressed, but they must be if they are letting you do another tour cycle.” Astrid said innocently. All the frontmen of Ghost she had seen were Papas after retirement. Terzo was the last and then Copia was chosen reportedly as a last stitch effort to mix things up by Sister Imperator who felt the Emeritus sons weren’t pulling in enough support for the Dark Lord. 

“Ah yes well…” Copia began, Astrid sensing that her words could be taken as an insult. She wasn’t the best at thinking before speaking. 

“Sorry Cardinal I didn’t mean to—” 

“It’s alright Astrid, I take no offense. Anyways I am happy to be home for now. I missed you while on tour.” he told her, trying to change the subject–his words still however very much true. 

“Oh? Why is that?” she laughed. 

“Well there was no one there to make sarcastic comments or joke around with me—except Dew and Aether, but if I am being honest cara, I prefer your humor.” he explained, his words warm and comforting. 

“Heh…well then, I missed you too.” Astrid sniffled, no longer caring if the Cardinal knew the real reason she had come to the chapel. He was a compassionate man after all and, following his kind words, she felt she could confess her sin. Be absolved by him in some way to help her make it through the night’s celebrations. 

“Cardinal…” 

“Sister Astrid…”

“The real reason I came in here…well…it’s because of Cirrus. I'm angry and I needed to be alone.” she admitted, Copia’s brows raising up on high his forehead with her words. 

“Cirrus? I thought things were—”

“They are… they have been. I just…I just didn’t think she’d move on so soon.”

“Ah, si…I understand. This thing between her and Sunshine is making you feel insecure, eh?” he asked her. How astute he was, a trait that both impressed and irritated Astrid to the core. She narrowed her gaze, unable to hide her discontent from Copia, she then turned to face away. Staring forward at the large stone grucifix that sat atop the sanctuary. 

“I’m just tired of feeling unimportant.” she sighed, once again wiping away tears.

“You are not unimportant cara. I certainly need you.” Copia laughed a bit, trying to lighten the mood. His comment made no difference to Astrid. She was mad and hurt, nothing he was going to say would change it. He didn’t want him to be upset either but being unable to help. Astrid, beginning to feel as though she shouldn’t have said anything. 

“Yeah.” was all she could muster, becoming quiet as the two of them sat together in the pews. 

“Well…While I know this won’t make your pain go away sister, you are very much needed.” Copia smiled, reaching over to touch her hand. Astrid instinctively tensed, looking over to him confusedly. 

“Cardinal—” she began before Copia cut her off. 

“Shhh…Astrid. I will share a secret with you, ok? But you must tell no one until after dinner tonight.” Copia whispered, his head swiveling around to make sure the two of them were truly alone. Astrid’s demeanor changed. Finally, something exciting, even if it was a small secret between her and her boss. 

“Promise, my lips are sealed.” she promised. Copia smiled once again and began to look a bit nervous. Astrid, growing more intrigued by the second. Finally, after what felt like hours, even if it had only been a minute, he told her. 

“I am now Papa. As of now I am Papa Emeritus the Fourth.” 

When Copia had left Astrid in the chapel, she was floored. As he shut the door behind him, leaving at the behest of Aether and Rain, she couldn’t believe it. How? Why? They made Copia…Papa? 

The choice to her seemed to be completely out of left field. Copia was a smart man, but different from the others. He wasn’t even Papa Nihil’s son so how could he be an “Emeritus”. None of it made sense, but in true Astrid fashion her thoughts immediately went to how it would impact her. Would she have to change positions, or would she now be a Papal assistant?

The thoughts of Copia ascending now thrilling her. If she were to be Papa’s assistant that would open up way more opportunities for things like travel and parties and excitement. Astrid was all but giddy now with the news, hoping that it would play out like she’d envisioned in her mind.

As she left the chapel, she decided the evening couldn’t come fast enough. Now there would be cause for celebration and the night hadn’t been completely ruined by seeing Cirrus after all. She took off back to the dorms. Wanting to pick out an outfit for such a special occasion—having the insider information no one else had, when she was stopped by the Deacon on her way in. 

“Sister Astrid.” he said as he stood in front of the door. A tall man, thin and sharp looking in his Diaconal vestments. Black alb and stole. His black dalmatic adorned in red grucifixes along its center. Clearly he had been conferred his position during the time of Papa Emeritus the First’s reign. 

“Deacon Patrick, for what do I owe the honor?” she asked, laughing a bit under her breath. He was like an uncle to her. Her mother, off overseas with her second husband, leaving the Deacon to watch over her like a second father. 

“I am to fetch you and bring you to Sister Imperator’s office at once agnellino.” he smiled back, walking over and wrapping his arm over her shoulder, mindful of the fall of her veil. 

“Oh? That's strange.” Astrid hummed, hoping it had to do with Copia’s new appointment…and she was right.

When she walked into Sister’s office, she was hit with a chill. She had half a mind to think it was Sister herself causing it. The woman always was standoffish and all together cold to those who resided beneath her in station. When she rounded the chairs facing the desk, she saw Copia already sitting in one, anxiously stroking his mustache as both her and the Deacon took their seats. 

The three of them sat together in silence for several minutes. All looking toward one another but never speaking. “I hope I haven’t kept you all waiting long.” came a voice from behind them. Astrid immediately recognized it as Sister’s, though she was used to it being a bit more like a bark than the calm tone it was today. 

“Not at all. We have only just arrived, though I can’t speak for Papa.” the Deacon laughed, bowing his head in reverence towards Copia. Copia only nodded back, still looking anxious—almost child-like in Sister’s presence. 

“Good…ah! I see you’ve brought with you Sister Astrid.” she beamed, a cold chill shooting down the young sister’s spine. It was unnerving to see her excited about something and the way she reacted immediately to seeing her, set Astrid on edge. 

“Of course Sister, I was told you asked to see me?” 

“Yes…I am so glad you came. Well then, I don’t see any sense in resting on ceremony. I wanted to have this little meeting to discuss things prior to dinner this evening as it will be on the minds and, I'm sure, the lips of every sibling before sundown.” Her words, puzzling the three of them.

“You mean Copia becoming Papa?” Deacon Patrick asked.

“Well of course that…but there’s something else I needed to discuss specifically with you two.” she explained staring straight at Copia and Astrid. Copia’s eyes widened, it had to be something big for her to be carrying on like this. Astrid could feel her heart beginning to pound as she waited to hear whatever it was the Sister would tell them. 

“Yes Sister, go on with it then please.” Copia asked, trying still to find his voice when it came to her. 

“Yes…As Papa Emeritus the Fourth there are obligations to be upheld as I am sure you are all aware. This was not a decision made lightly by the Ministry, but with Papa Nihil’s other sons all having a go at it and still managing to fall short…changes needed to be made.”

“Am I missing something here Sister? You make it sound as if—” the Deacon began before Sister Imperator cut him off.

“As if Copia is Nihil’s son? That is because he is Patrick. Copia is Nihil and MY son.” Sister proclaimed. Astrid and Deacon Patrick audibly gasped, jaws hitting the proverbial floor with the revelation. 

“So that means…” Astrid said, trying to work it all out in her overwhelmed state. 

“That means that he is the rightful next heir to the miter and always has been because of his birthright. Copia has known for some time, but now it will become common knowledge since I am sure since the ghouls don’t know how to keep their mouths shut. That being said, it brings me to you Sister Astrid. 

“What about her?” the Deacon asked.

“Well you see because of his new position we are now in need of some other adjustments to her position as well.” Sister Imperator continued. This was it, Astrid thought to herself. Finally she would be getting in on some excitement. Hoping to kiss the paperwork goodbye, leaving it behind for something greater. 

“I am very excited to hear that.” Astrid nodded. Sister smiled back at her, sitting down at her desk before steepling her fingers.

“Cardi—Papa. Now that you have ascended it is by both mine and the Ministry’s judgment that you be betrothed, acquiring a Prime Mover.” 

“I’m sorry, a what?” Copia asked her. The Sister took in a deep breath, looking directly at Astrid. All three of them—Copia, Astrid, and the Deacon sat pupils blown, waiting for her to continue.

“A Prime Mover Copia—a wife. One day you will be expected to carry on the Papal line. None of the others are in a position to oblige and that leaves the task to you.” Sister explained. Copia lowered his head, looking into his lap accepting what she was saying to him with a nod. Both Astrid and the Deacon left in shock. 

“Oh you can’t mean.” Astrid began, realizing now what her new position was supposed to be.

“You have been chosen by the ministry to be Copia’s Prime Mover. The two of you will be wed within the next few weeks, once things have settled down a bit and we have had a chance to plan things out.” Sister said, flipping through some paperwork on her desk. Immediately both the Copia and Astrid stood up from their chairs. 

��Sister, I am not sure Sister Ast—” Copia protested, knowing that despite his own feelings, Astrid had not once given him any indication she’d felt the same. 

“This has to be a joke?!” Astrid snapped, her blood running cold with madness. How dare they just decide who she would marry, that she would bear children—that she’d be stuck playing Suzy homemaker with the awkward tricyclist of an old man. 

“I assure you it is not a joke Sister. You and Copia will be wed by the end of the Autumnal Equinox. Is that understood!” Sister Imperator hissed back, her force like a knife held to everyone’s throat. Both Copia and the Deacon stared at Astrid, awaiting what she’d say next.

“I—I can’t.” she cried, running from her chair and out the door of the office. Tears pouring forth like rain in a storm. Her heart aching and her mind swirling with anger. Copia got up from his seat, nodding to the Deacon as he attempted to make his own way out. 

“And just where do you think you are going?” Sister Imperator asked him, eyebrow cocked and smug look on her face. 

“I am going to talk to her. She is meant to be my bride Sister, is she not?” he said sharply. Sister only nodded to him as he left on his way to talk to Astrid—his bride to be.

Notes:

Ha la Luna storta-Her moon is crooked (An Italian saying for someone being in a bad mood)

Hassock- kneeler (place where one kneels to pray)

Dalmatic- vestment worn by Deacons, similar to priests chasuble

Alb- vestment worn by clergymen to cover street garments for ceremony.

Stole- scarf like vestment worn by clergymen 

Agnellino- little lamb

[gaudebo]

Ahhh thank you for the long response!!

Mostly his story with free will was because I had watched a campaign once where a guys character (non-orc. It was a different type of character, a made up one by the dm) had a similar storyline but very much more slavery-ish. So I had tweaked it a bit and made it into my story because slavery definitely made me uncomfortable in general since it's not my story to tell. I do 100% get the ickyness with the way it was beforehand, I think In general I had less of a slavery Outlook because he chooses to be a part of the group and can change his mind whenever and leave and stuff like that, but there are a few things that could be tweaked especially with the way I describe them!!

Ever since I realized the racism with orcs I started thinking of ways to re-work the "work for hire" thing and I was thinking maybe a guild like you were talking about !! (kinda like the companions in Skyrim) and I do enjoy that idea a lot better because instead of his whole story being "wow I do what people tell me even though I could choose not to" (which didn't really make sense 100%) it can be more "I am MORE than what I can do for people, and too many people underestimate me and I deserve to be happy even outside of my family, who I've lost, and can find people who appreciate me" kind of thing.

I'm really glad I read what people had to say on orcs and racism because before I did, it never really clicked for me. So I didn't put together how these things are because of that and how orcs stories have been so problematic because of that and I never would have thought about the possible issues with it (your post from like 2022 included lol).

The story is staying between my friends and I for the most part but I still wanted to change things once I realized everything.

I really like the idea of my friends character genuinely wanting my character and his help and because of that my character is a bit surprised because hes not used to people needing him for more than what the job he's accepted said of him.

I think a main reason I thought of the "does whatever they say thing" is 1.) Because of the other campaign I watched. I loved the other character because he was so well played and his interactions with characters and stuff were fun (I also like big guys who are secretly very caring which this character was) and 2.) Because in my head the services were usually very "you're being hired to follow me into this quest" thing, whether the quest was long or short. But I like the idea of it not being him being told what to do all the time and more "this is the job. you need to get the job done to get paid. If you don't get it done you don't get paid." and maybe sometimes people act as the "leader" of the group and kind of boss him around and he doesn't always listen to show he doesn't have to.

Also about the Skyrim npc thing I totally get that! I don't like how there's not many really good orc npcs and 99% of them are just violent. I just love being able to play one and giving him the life he deserves, a happy little house with a chest filled with cool stuff and a garden. And a bookshelf with all the books he collects.

I'm sorry this is so long I'm just glad to have someone to talk about this ! Ive been in love with fantasy lately (ever since I finished the book legends & lattes and loved it) and especially orcs and im excited to start making a story with my friend and maybe solo stories. - ✨

Hi again! Sorry once more for my late responses, I am in the blender in life.

I always think it's good when people reexamine their biases especially with things they enjoy! It's easy to overlook the negatives with things you're passionate about so I am glad you're taking the time to think about how to make things Better. Especially with fantasy and even More especially with DND and similar settings, there's a lot of being inspired by what's already been written but there's a tricky balance there too as much of the pre-existant lore is... unfortunate!! (I am looking at you, orcs. and drow also.) I'm happy to hear about your orcs that are living happy lives and making interpersonal connections and doing well for themselves! We need more of that!

No need to apologize ^^ my ask box is open! If you ever want to DM me I am usually lurking around for that too. It may take me a bit to respond (oof) but not because I'm not open to it! Have a nice day :]

[hange-zone]

May I please have some Eremin Hades/Persephone au? With Eren as dread Persephone and Armin as the overworked king of the underworld?

SIX MONTHS IN THE GARDEN OF HADES

i.

In a strange twist of fate, the lord of the underworld was five foot five and had a shock of blond hair. 

“You kidnapped me!” Eren sounded incredulous. He scowled at the person -  barely older than a boy - whose office (realm?) he had just been thrown into. The blond boy, seated at the ornate desk, looked up from his paperwork with a bored expression on his face. Eren stood up, brushing the dirt off his clothes and collected himself, managing to sound incredibly composed despite having just fallen through a crack in the earth and tumbled right down to hades. “That’s so wrong. Wait till my sister finds out - you’ll be dead.”

That sounded like a threat, but it struck Armin as terribly ironic. He laughed. “I’ll look forward to it.”

If looks could kill he guessed that the glare that the other boy had shot him might have actually struck him dead, but he was the god of the underworld and of the dead and honestly? Trifle things like that didn’t matter. 

So he dismissed the glowering boy with a flick of his wrist and went back to poring over his spreadsheets.

 ii.

When they next meet Eren’s hands were sticky and he wished very hard that he could cough out his last meal. 

Armin glanced up at him, then back to his work. “I’m guessing you had some of the fruits from my garden?”

“I was hungry,” Eren protested. “You don’t even have -”

“Six months.” Armin interrupted. He didn’t look up, still scribbling as his eyes scanned over the reports and administrative data. Why do people keep dying? he wondered, briefly, before turning his attention back to the boy before him. “You don’t even need food. But you’ve eaten them,  you do the time, that’s just how it works, et cetera. Besides, didn’t anyone ever warn you?”

“Fuck you,” Eren replied.

 iii.

Wandering around the palace grounds, which were not entirely to his liking, being all dark marble and jagged rock - as well as gaudy displays of gemstones and glittering metal that made his eyes hurt - Eren found himself settling by the shallow pool and watching his reflection in the black water. 

It seems like a cruel trick, to make the earth open up and take him here and then just...leave him alone? What was Hades even thinking? And why was he a lanky teenage boy? That was possibly more confusing. 

Suddenly, a mop of blond hair appeared behind him. He jumped. “You scared the shit out of me,” he said accusatorially to the figure, frowning.

“Sorry,” Armin offered. Up close he looked far less intimidating - beneath the grand robes his shoulders were rounded and he was skinny and rather small. His clothes seemed to overwhelm him. His wide blue eyes were deep-set and there were tired, dark circles against the pale flesh of his face.  He drew in a long breath and sighed. Eren noticed that he was biting his dry lips nervously. 

“Walk with me?” the lord of the underworld asked. Despite himself, Eren obliged, nodding slowly and letting the boy help him to his feet. 

They made their way through the sprawling grounds in silence, trodding through the soft earth. They walked past abandoned gazebos with doric columns, round a winding path with dead and rotting trees and grey leaves which crunched underfoot, away from the black obsidian building which loomed across everything in the landscape. The dead fluttered around them. 

Eventually they came to a pier. Armin leant against the railings, gaze fixed on the river. The water was dark as it rushed and churned underneath them.  Eren watched him for a second then looked away. Off in the distance he could see the glowing lights of Elysium. 

Slowly, haltingly, the other boy began to speak.

“Sorry about…” Armin trailed off. “It was stupid. I should have just asked - we could be friends properly. But now - it’s the seeds, you see. Six of them, six months. We're bound by precedent, unfortunately.”

Ah, there it was again. Who knew the god of the dead was such a stickler for rules?

And then he was off again, turning away and moving through his realm. Eren followed, and they walked on in silence. Eren looked upon the craggy rock and trampled flowerbeds and the overgrown hedges on the edges of the estate, and frowned.

“Your palace sucks,” he blurted out, characteristically blunt. 

It was Armin’s turn to be startled. In fact, he looked positively scandalised. “Excuse me?”

“You’ve got like, all the gold and precious metals and stuff but it’s just too much,” Eren supplied. 

A pause.

“Also the palace looks evil and the gardens are dead,” he added.

Armin opened his mouth to object but closed it again. 

Eren, ever the opportunist, quickly followed up: “I’ll forgive you - and your terrible taste - if you let me just have the garden,” he said, gesturing around meaningfully. “By the time summer comes I’ll have it all fixed up.” 

Armin dithered, but picked up the pace, widening his strides. 

“You owe me,” Eren pressed breathlessly, running to catch up. “You were the one who started it.”

Armin seemed suitably chastened. “Fine,” he huffed out. 

Eren couldn’t help but smile to himself, even as he was careful not to let the boy see. 

It was getting late - a mist had descended upon the land and it was beginning to get cold. Eren found himself shivering in his thin clothes, goosebumps creeping across the length of his arms. Armin must have noticed, because he pretended to stifle a yawn and said, “We should get back.”

And then, before he could protest, the lord of the underworld - Hades himself - draped his thick coat across his shoulders, and was already ahead of him, bare shoulders stark against the night as he turned on his heel and moved briskly in the direction of the ugly, evil palace. Eren clutched at the velvet that clung to him. It was surprisingly warm against his skin.

It became a routine of sorts, walks in the morning and at night, bookending their days. On one nighttime walk, when the precious stones embedded in the cave’s ceiling had glinted like stars, he’d strayed too close to the blond boy and the backs of their hands had brushed. His heart had skipped a beat, but the other boy didn’t seem to notice, or even if he did, he didn’t say anything. And anyway, they’d gone back to their separate chambers as usual - Eren right to bed and Armin back to his office.

 iv.

They’d just finished their morning walk, which had led back to the mess of the office, when another one of the servants had unceremoniously dumped yet another pile of papers on Armin’s desk. Eren could see the veins starting to stand out on his forehead, the thick pulsing blue under his pale, luminous skin, before he buried his face in his hands and sighed loudly. 

“It’s clearly stressing you out,” Eren said, perched on the corner of the desk. “Here, let me,” he reached for the sheet right on top, marked ‘URGENT’, and for once Armin didn’t try to stop him. 

“It’s the review cases,” Armin groaned into his palms. His voice was muffled but indignant. “I’m really not convinced we should change their sentences every thousand years, but since they’ve developed the constitution and instituted rights there’s apparently no such thing as eternal fate anymore.”

“This one?” Eren pulled open a scroll, scanning it. “Another king. Oh - this guy’s seriously fucked up. Cooking his kids?”

“Yeah - which is why I thought it’d be poetic justice to have the whole ‘water he cannot drink’, ‘food he cannot touch’ schtick. But apparently he’s shown some potential for reformation so that’s now out of the window. As are cruel and unusual punishments.” Armin groaned again and let his head flop to the side, blond strands shifting about the jet black table. His cheeks were pressed onto the countertop and it was almost comical, Eren thought - and in fact, deeply humanising, watching Hades moan about his job and suffer from overwork. He felt a pang of feeling - something - for the small blond boy, caught up with the entire mess of processing souls in the afterlife. 

And so it might have out of a fit of compassion that he dropped Tantalus’ file, letting it flutter to the floor, and came up behind Armin to rest his hands on his tense shoulders. And it was probably out of a swell of sympathy then that he let himself press his thumbs firmly right into the space between Armin’s shoulder blades, fingers splayed out across his narrow back and warm neck. Working at the tense knots, until he felt the other boy relax into him. 

 v.

It was the tail end of winter, while a blizzard tore across the surface of the earth and frost marked the ground, when Armin had summoned him for dinner. This was something new; he had made no mention of food - much less a meal - before, except for the second encounter where he’d pronounced Eren’s fate. Besides, he was right: they didn’t exactly need to eat, though Eren supposed he’d appreciate a good dinner if it were offered to him. And Armin had explained that the rest of the food wasn’t binding, so he also supposed it wouldn’t hurt to see what fruits of the earth the underworld could offer.

As the door to the dining hall swung open he was greeted with an opulent sight. His let his eyes scan over the candlelit room with its long table piled high with more food than he’d seen in his life. There was a literal cornucopia as the centrepiece. Armin was at one end, waiting expectantly. His head was resting casually against his fist, blond locks soft against his features. For once he was without paperwork, the entirety of his attention focused on the boy who had entered the room. 

“Is this a date,” Eren said, voice rising, but not quite a question. 

Armin shrugged noncommittally. “Your time here’s nearly done. It’s been five months - I thought we should commemorate it.” His voice was even, but in the dimly-lit room it would have been impossible to tell if he were blushing anyway.

“Soppy,” Eren said, under his breath, but he let the servants offer him a chair and settled into it, hands already curling around the outermost set of cutlery before him.

After a full dinner of winter vegetables and hearty stews - plus much, much dessert - they retired to the drawing-room, warming themselves by the glow of the crackling fireplace.  Eren had shifted himself to the floor and was slumped against the legs of his chair, while Armin sat in a big armchair, leaning right into the cushions. Cerberus lay between them, heads resting on Eren’s lap and tail wagging lazily across the carpeted floor. He let his hands brush over the dog’s smooth coat and scratched him behind his many ears. He looked up and realised Armin was watching him quietly. The soft light danced across his features and his blond hair was like a golden halo. He looked the furthest thing from an imposing god, the lord of the dead. In the orange light he just was: a slender boy, almost-man, with bony knees and silky hair, large eyes heavy-lidded and half-closed. Body relaxing into his seat, basking in the warmth of the fire and filled with a good meal, enjoying the moment and the presence of someone else.

Armin caught his gaze. “Thank you for today, Eren,” he said softly. 

Eren scoffed. “Sentimental bastard,” he whispered, and by the firelight, he swore Armin’s blue eyes had crinkled at the corners and his round mouth had curled into a slow, soft smile. 

 vi.

The plants that Eren had carefully, lovingly sown were coming to fruit, putting out rosy apples and dark velvet figs. They hung low on bended branches like teardrops and had to be harvested quickly before they turned soft and overripe. Eren was spending longer days in the garden which he’d carved out for himself, tending to his crops and reaping the bountiful harvest which he piled around him: lush and speckled gourds, bright fuchsia pomegranates, waxy yellow lemons, tender red berries and grapes in frosted hues, which all lay languidly in wooden crates waiting to be savoured. His favourite were the peaches, which were round and ripe in his hands and whose blush matched the pink in his cheeks as he worked tirelessly at the land. And of course he had a soft spot for the grain in its multitude of forms. The long stalks tickled his face and he brushed them away absentmindedly, even as his hands worked to pick the tiny seeds from their dried heads and shuck the full ears of corn that filled the rustling fields around the obsidian castle.

He was digging up the jewel-toned carrots when Armin found him. He had rested a foot on his worn shovel, pressing it into the soft earth, and had paused to wipe the sweat from his brow. From the corner of his eye he spotted a blond figure approaching the edge of the plot, black robes rustling against the freshly tilled dirt. 

Armin slowly made his way up to him. He’d grown, somewhat, in their time together, but he was still small and lithe and he rubbed the back of his head sheepishly as he spoke:

“Um. Today’s the day. You can leave if you want. I mean…it’s been half a year, hasn’t it?”

Eren watched as he shifted his weight from left to right, and then back again. He’d been thinking about this a lot. They both had. And he had decided. So he merely laughed, turning slowly to wipe his hands on his slacks. He reached for the fruit piled high around them. The ripe pomegranate bruised easily under his fingers as he twisted it open.

And its juice was warm and sweet, trickling down his mouth and lips, as he bit into the soft flesh of its ruby red insides and swallowed its seeds. 

--

here you go, anon! you've asked and i've tried my best to deliver. this was tremendously fun to do so thanks for it:") i’ve put it on ao3 where i might tinker a bit more with it...so watch that space. 

and please feel free to ask more :”)

[aperrywilliams]

I don’t know you anymore/Part I (Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader)

(Not my gif!)

Masterlist

Part I / Part II / Part III / Part IV / Part V

———————

Summary: Reader has to do something before her relationship with Spencer get worse.

Word Count: 1850.

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences. Angst.

Warnings:  References to discussions, sex, sadness, low self esteem. If you are or were in a relationship with this kind of thing, please be careful.

A/N: The idea came from a Savage Garden song titled "I don't know you anymore". For now this fic will be oneshot, but I'm willing to do more parts if you think the story deserves development and perhaps a better ending for fem!reader and Spencer.

——————–

With my clothes packed in a suitcase I left it at the side of the apartment entrance. I decided to wait for Spencer sitting on the couch. It was already night and I knew he would come home soon. He had traveled two days ago for a case to Wisconsin. The morning he left to that trip was our last argument.

Don't get me wrong, when we started our relationship two years ago, we rarely argued. We were always glad to be people who settled their differences by talking and being peaceful. But in the last three months things had taken a turn with which none was comfortable. I knew it and so did he. But neither of us wanted to assume perhaps everything was already lost between us and it was time to step aside and end the relationship.

What changed?. I tried to answer that question many times through those past three months. Natural exhaustion of the relationship? Maybe. His demanding job? Probably. My need to control the uncontrollable? Much of that too. Spencer's desire to "fix" things that can't be fixed? Of course, that is in his nature. My wish that things were as they always were and not accept people can change? Definitely yes.

After a lot thought, I came to the conclusion that after his prison time, he and I began to see life in differently way. And I swear I understand him so much. I swear to understand this type of situation can change people tremendously. No, I have not experienced it. But he did it and I could see the changes on him. He became a man who suspicious on everything and everyone, taciturn, silent, even more immersed in his job than before. I'm not saying that he has stopped loving me one day to another, but I do believe our priorities changed drastically, and therefore our relationship. No, he didn't become violent in a toxic way. I could never say that about Spencer Reid, although sometimes I felt like if I was the worst thing in the world thanks to his words. And is that his excess of sincerity many times collided with my hypersensitivity. I do not blame him. But it wasn't my fault either. So... what we could do about it?

So ours discussions started. The first few times were brief, quickly ending with a "sorry" escaped from our mouths. We recognized maybe the other could be having a difficult time and it was not fair to "expand" something for didn’t worth an argument. Then they turned into longer discussions, ending with one of us locked in the bedroom and the other trying to "reason", sometimes successfully, sometimes sleeping apart, but fixing things the next morning . The most severe ones were those in which no one of us was able to say "I'm sorry" and where saying "I love you" was almost a protocol to finish arguing, but without getting anywhere. Sometimes we replaced "sorry" with rough sex so in that way we could discharge our own anger and annoyance, demonstrating to the other that despite everything we needed each other. Even if it was just in a bodily way

The extreme arguments ended with Spencer traveling for a case and not talking for days. And so it was last month: the trips were more frequent and longer. Almost without telephone calls and only a few text messages. Under that scenario, I decided it was time to do something about it. I didn't want to know how far we could go if neither of us did anything to end this escalation.

I felt his footsteps in the hallway and the turning of the key on the doorknob. I was still sitting on the couch, looking out the window. In silent. The room only illuminated by the lamp on over the coffee table.

"(Y/N)?..." was the first thing he asked after closing the door and realizing I was on the couch. He left his bag hanging on the rack, as well as his blazer.

"Hello Spencer" I replied. In the calmest voice I could, though I was breaking me inside without even saying a word. I couldn't tell if he already knew what would happen until that minute, but I think if he didn't already know, he could have guessed when he saw my suitcase next to the door. This was how he slowly approached me, looking at me standing with his hands in his pockets at a safe distance.

"What is your suitcase doing at the entrance...?" he asked cautiously, almost out of courtesy I thought.

"I think you know what my suitcase does there..." I said dryly. It was evident he had already noticed it, but he surely wanted to start by pretending that nothing happened.

"Can we talk about this?... you're rushing things ". He came over and sat on the couch next to me.

"Yes. We can talk. That’s why I decided to wait for you. I wasn't going to leave without giving you an explanation”. It was true. Despite everything, we deserved a goodbye face to face. I wasn't going to leave him a letter to avoid looking him in the eye for the last time, although I knew that would completely break me. It was fair for both of us.

"You don't have to leave. We can fix this, seriously. Please, let's talk, leaving me is not going to be the solution to our problems” he said, trying to dissuade me. Surely he thought was not a conclusive decision. Sure he thought I was pressuring him with my "supposed" departure to ask me for forgiveness.

"And what is the solution to our problems? Do you really know?". I don't know if I expected an answer to that, but I felt like I should ask anyway.

"To try. That is what we must do. We deserve a chance” he said taking my hands. I had to muster the courage not to push him away and try to stop shaking.

"How many chances Spencer? ... Can't you see this is hurting us?" . A sob tore from my throat. I could not avoid it. I could see how he bit his lower lip trying to stop the tears that also came out of his eyes.

"The necessary... we need to try the necessary. We can't throw away all this time we've been together… where we've been happy, haven't you been happy with me (Y/N)?”. One of his hands began to caress my cheek. It was more tact than I could tolerate on his part without me falling apart right there. I gently removed his hand from my cheek.

“Of course I do. I have been happy with you Spencer. And I'm not throwing this overboard. That is my reason precisely: if we continue with this it'll end up killing any good memory we have about our relationship, don't you see that it is not possible to fix what is already broken? You don't trust me anymore, and I feel like I don't know you anymore… you are someone else, you want other things… ”. I could see how Spencer froze upon hearing my words. He doubted what  was going to say to me, he opened his mouth many times without words could come out. Until they did.

“Is this how you want to end it? Giving up?” He said getting up from the couch and returning to his place leaning against one of the walls with his hands in his pockets.

"If you call 'giving up' stepping aside from this for the well being of both... then yes, I’m giving up...". I managed to say before beginning to cry openly.

“Please (Y/N), let's try it one more time. I love you, don't you love me?...”. He pulled his hands out of his pockets but was unable to get close to me. I tried my best to calm down before speaking again.

"Spencer, I love you with all my heart. I love you so much that it hurts. It hurts me not to recognize you, and it hurts me not to recognize myself. And what hurts me the most is not living up to what really you need. Not be the woman your deserve Spencer”. Until I finally said it. What I tried to show him all these months I was finally telling him.

"But what are you saying? How is it you're not enough to me?... Where did you get that...?". He looked at me in a daze. Perhaps it was the only thing he not expected from my speech.

“Look at us now. Tell me, what can I offer your life? What special thing can I give you?. A genius, an FBI agent who saves people lives from the worst tortures in the world , who has gone through so much in these years. You are a person who live and breathe for the job you do, passionate about knowledge, who could have any beauty and intelligent woman at his feet, who could live without having to stop in life routine with someone who does not understand your world... who doesn't accept you like you are…". I couldn't continue talking. I sincerely hoped he would understand. He walked over and sat across from me at the coffee table, taking my hands again trying I could look at him.

"It's not true what you're saying (Y/N)... you can't really think that..." But yeah, I thought about it. And I was sure I was right and he knew it . I was just a stone in his shoe. I was not allowing him to move forward. He deserved more than I could offer him. That was the sad truth.

"You know it's true Spencer. This has been the reason for our estrangement all along. I will never really understand what you do or help you get what you need in life. I'm holding you back and that's what I least want in the world, precisely because I love you. You deserve more than I can give you". And that's it. It was done, I said what I really felt and it was time to act. I got up from the couch. Without saying anything, he got up from the coffee table too. I looked him in the eyes, just like me, tears fell from them. With the last strength I had, I wiped the tears from his cheeks with my thumbs. I walked over and gave him the last kiss. I wanted my last memory to be the softness of his lips in contact with mine. He tried to deepen the kiss, as if he wanted to hold me back. I pulled away. He tried to speak.

"(Y/N)..." was the only thing that came out of his mouth. I'm sure he was taking in my words and looking for meaning on them.

“Goodbye Spencer”. I looked away from him face. I walked to the entrance, took my suitcase and left the apartment, not wanting to look back. My life with Spencer Reid was over in that moment.

——————–

Remember: Let me know if you think the story deserves development and perhaps a better ending for fem!reader and Spencer.

[matsumi101]

For the promts, maybe 367 with Maria Reynolds, modern au?

367. “I didn’t think love existed until I started loving you”

Notes:

> Reader x Maria Reynolds Modern AU

> Anon i love u for this do u know how giddy i am when i wrote the last part hnngh

> Fem!Reader I hope u guys don’t mind some (not so) wholesome lesbeans

> WIFI ANG GOOGLE DOCS HAS BEEN AN ASS IVE BEEN TRYING TO FIX THE ONESHOT BC IT KEPT GETTING PASTED OUT OF ORDER HNNGH

Type: fluff

Warnings: domestic abuse mention, implied sex

-------------------

“Your Honor, the members of the jury find the defendant... guilty.”

You gave a low whistle while the Judge gave the final words, putting up a hand to return your co-counsel’s high-five without even having to look at him. Your smug grin never left your face even after the court was adjourned, only breaking into a more hyper celebration once you were out of the building.

“Fuck yeah, we deserve to celebrate!”

You laughed in agreement. “I couldn’t have pulled this off without you, Alex,” you sighed. Alexander simpered, taking the compliment very well. “Well, what can I say? I’m always up for the challenging ones.” He shrugged his shoulders, pride oozing out of his presence. You couldn’t blame him, though. You were an excellent public attorney par with even Alexander Hamilton himself, but this case had you on your toes for months, even with Alexander’s help, and the outcome was well worth the sleepless nights you shared with your friend.

The topic returned to the celebration. “We should invite everyone to me and Eliza’s place and throw a party because damn we deserve it,” Alexander suggested. You hummed thoughtfully at his offer for a bit before responding. “I’d love that, but can we move that a little later? I wanna celebrate alone with Maria, first,” you pointed out. Alexander pulled an all too knowing smirk, to which you rolled your eyes at.

“I haven’t given her much attention ever since this case came, and I’m sure Eliza’s in the same situation. Our own partners deserve to be pampered after all of this, don’t you think?”

“My Eliza’s fine-”

“Hamilton.”

You crossed your arms and raised a brow at your friend. “Let Eliza share the victory with you, I’m sure she’d be thrilled to listen about how your hard work paid off,” you reasoned out. “And besides, it’s the closest I’ll get to apologizing for stealing you away from her for months.” Alexander laughed at that, getting your point. He pulled out his phone, most likely to share the great news to his fiancé.

“Let’s have the big celebration next weekend, yeah?”

You could tell from the eagerness in his voice that he was excited to come home and spend time with Eliza. “Perfect,” you agreed. You were about to bid farewell, but Alexander was already in call with Eliza and chatting away with unprecedented joy. You chuckled at him and went to your car, dialing a number while you started the engine. It rang a few times before it was picked up.

“Hello?”

“Good afternoon, Mrs. Washington! Is Maria Reynolds still at work?”

“Oh, Miss Y/N! It’s always a pleasure to talk to you.”

You smiled at this. Martha had always been a caring boss, which is why you recommended Maria to her business when she was looking for a new job. You placed your phone on the holder at the dashboard and set it to speaker while you pulled out of the parking lot. “Maria’s still here, why’d you ask?” Martha asked sweetly. Your smile grew into a more excited one, your plans already playing out in your mind.

“Well you see, I plan to surprise her tonight with her favorite food because I won what probably is my biggest case to date.” Martha gasped and gave you a quick congratulations. “But I still have to buy the things I need. Can you stall her for me? I just need an extra two hours.”

There was a thoughtful pause at the other end of the line. You took your eyes off the road for a split second to check if the call was still ongoing, which it was. “Dear, as romantic as your plan sounds, I don’t think Maria would like being cooped up here for so long,” Martha sighed. “She’s been stressed for the past months, and I don’t think she’s taking your disappearance so well lately, to top off the work she needs to finish today...” Your heart sank at the information. Yes, you were more than aware that you’d been neglecting Maria over the case, more than you’d like, and even if she was understanding enough that you needed to prioritize your slowly rising career, you knew there were unavoidable insecurities that followed her wake.

“I’m going to make it up to her,” you replied, voice steady. “I’m going to smother her with attention for the weeks to come ‘til she gets sick of me.”

Martha laughed heartily at your determination. “So please, can you help me out and give me two hours? I promise It’ll all be worth it,” you pleaded. It didn’t take as long for Martha to answer. “Okay, but I want to see Maria coming to work next Tuesday with an honest smile. I miss seeing her so positive.” You beamed gratefully, even though she couldn’t see it. “You’re giving her a long weekend off?” you asked almost too happily.

“Aside from letting her spend time with her favorite woman, I’m sure she deserves the rest for working so hard the past months.”

“Oh Martha, thank you so much! I owe you a lot.”

Any semblance of formalities melted away. “Oh dear, you know I’m a sucker for romantic gestures! I’ll make sure she tells me everything about your night when she gets back to work,” she teased. You giggled, excitement crawling up your body by the minute. You ended the call and finished your groceries as fast as you could, and by the time you got back to your shared apartment the sun was just starting to set. Perfect, you thought. You had more time than anticipated, but you were sure to utilize every second and got to work.

After a dragging day at work, Maria finally found her way back home. She was stuck in the office for a good two hours past her supposed time out due to Martha’s unexpected request to finish some extra paperwork. She would’ve declined it, but the offer of getting a paid day off in return was too good to miss out that even an extra hour long traffic didn’t stop her. She was far too exhausted, both mental and physical, to think of anything else but to crash into the soft sheets of her bed despite her empty stomach begging to be filled up. When she got to her apartment’s door, however, she couldn’t help but stop and look at it.

She didn’t know that today was the day you’d bring the case to the court one last time for a verdict, so all she expected was to come home to an empty apartment, and despite everything still in the same place it felt more barren the past few months. And yet, as she unlocked the door and flicked the lights on, she was greeted with not only a noticeably cleaner living room but also a delectable smell wafting through her nose. It caused her stomach to growl again, and with the new smell filling the place she dropped her bag and headed to the kitchen.

“You’re home!”

Maria’s eyes popped out at the sight. There you were in your sweatpants and loose shirt, sitting across the table with your hand resting atop your intertwined fingers. A large grin splayed across your face, which grew even wider at the sight of her. The table was set up with two plates, a bottle of wine and whiskey (a strange combo, Maria thought), about three dishes, and a bowl of soup accompanied by a smaller bowl of croutons. The food before her was definitely made presentable, and if Maria wasn’t too occupied gawking (and maybe drooling a little) she would’ve pointed out how your outfit didn’t even match up to the setting.

“We won the case,” you told her, your voice laced with softness and excitement.

Maria had to compose herself just enough to answer. “Really?” she squeaked out. She was happy beyond words, both for your success and you finally being there to greet her home for once and having done this seemingly large dinner after months of surviving on leftovers in the fridge and take-outs. You nodded, watching her expression with a smile, but it quickly dropped when you saw her starting to cry. Alarmed, you got off your seat and pulled her to a tight embrace, to which she eagerly returned, taking in the faint scent of the soap you used for your bath. You planted a long kiss on the crown of her head, and the gesture only seemed to make her cry more.

“Hey, sweetheart, what’s wrong?”

And there she poured everything out. She missed coming home to your arms every night, but ever since the case you were always either gone in the office at work or holed up in the one at home. The thought made her disappointed, and maybe with a twinge of anger and paranoia, but she had to hold it back. She knew how much work meant to you, and she admired how passionate you were for it. She tried her best not to think too much of it, but the fear of you growing cold towards her scared her to no end, admitting that the effects of her past relationship with James was still affecting her.

You didn’t speak the whole time and let Maria vent it out until she reduced into quiet sobs. You kissed her forehead before pulling away from the hug so you could meet her eye to eye. “I know I’ve been so busy, which is why I’m going to make up for it,” you whispered soothingly. You cupped her face and gently wiped the tears away with your thumbs, and you could see a smile slowly grace her lips that made your heart melt. You then peppered her with short, sweet kisses all over her face, which made her giggle and squirm.

“I missed you so much, Y/N.”

“I missed you too, but I’m not going to let you have dinner with such an uncomfortable outfit.”

Maria followed your eyes to her office attire. “I drew you a hot bath just a few minutes ago, with lots of lavender from our mini garden,” you told her softly, pulling her by the waist and kissing her cheek. Gosh, you missed her so much. Maria sighed as you nuzzled your face on the crook of her neck, already imagining the beautiful smell of the bathroom awaiting her. Unfortunately, she had to pull away from the hug so she could actually get there.

After Maria took her time in a relaxing bath and changed to her own comfortable clothes, you two spent the night together, savoring the full course dinner you made with both of your favorite foods and hers, then surprising her with strawberry mousse, her favorite, for dessert. After that, and an empty bottle of wine, you two went to the couch to cuddle and watch a movie together. Though the film on the television was soon forgotten when you kept on showering Maria with kisses and compliments. Even if she asked you to stop since she genuinely wanted to watch the movie, you only replied to her with,

“Nah, I’m going to spoil you the whole weekend, and for the following weeks to come.”

And you did just that. Your attention was all on Maria day and night, and her heart could never feel so full at the sight of you. You took care of her and she took care of you, too. Of course you respected her boundaries and remained gentle with how you held her, but she knew that with you she was safe. Her initial fears of abandonment were soon thrown out the window. Maria trusted you more than ever, and you made sure to show her that she would never regret that choice.

Maria sighed wistfully, stroking your hair as she stared at the wall. The heavy drapes were drawn shut, preventing the moonlight from entering the dark bedroom. You were nestled on her bare chest, sleeping soundly while you had your arms wrapped protectively around her waist. A smile adorned your lips, and Maria took notice of it when she looked down at you.

You were at peace, contrast to the tired and frustrated expression you constantly seemed to wear while you were working the past months. Your breaths were slow and relaxed, making Maria hold a smile of her own as she studied your features. She brought a hand to your face, and you subconsciously leaned against her touch. She caressed your cheek with a thumb, her gaze trailing over to the bags under your eyes. Without your makeup, it looked much worse, but Maria didn’t care. She loved everything about you, even those eyebags that carried all the success you worked for, and she never felt luckier for having such a caring and passionate girlfriend as you.

“Oh Y/N,” Maria sighed for the nth time that night. “I didn’t think love existed until I started loving you.”

You barely stifled your amused chuckle, making Maria jump slightly at the vibration. “I’m glad to be the one to make you realize that,” you murmured, opening your eyes and ignoring the noise of surprise that she made when you let it be known that you were still awake. You shifted so that you could fully look at Maria. It was dark, but you could still make out her wide eyes that slowly softened. Her hand was still pressed to your face, so you put your own on top of it and moved to gently kiss her palm.

“And you deserve every bit of love, sweetheart.”

The way you said it so sincerely just made Maria absolutely melt, even more so when you pulled up to give her a long, tender kiss. Her hands wandered you, fingers trailing the marks she left on your skin before a hand made its way to your bare back while the other tangled on your already messy hair. When you backed away to breathe, you gave Maria one last peck on the lips before lying on her side and pulling her close.

“You know babe, seeing you like this makes me want to look forward to more of your difficult cases.” Maria laughed when you tiredly groaned in annoyance.

“No. If the next one is anything like the last I’m shoving it to either Alexander or Jefferson. I missed you too much.”

[yayneloveart]

Good Omens/Lucifer 2

(wow, this thing blew the fuck up. i know this isnt the only Good Omens/Lucifer fantic (Ive made my way around AO3) so I have no idea why this is going nuts. @hairdryertrash even asked me to tag them so they would see the next part asap)

‘Lucifer, you can’t just tie up our witness,’ Chloe sighed.

‘If I hadn’t, he’d still be running,’ Lucifer justified himself.

‘Look, what is this all about?’ Crowley asked from where he sat on the floor. ‘Is this about Adam? What I did to Ligur? What happened at the airfield?’

‘I’m over all that,' Lucifer said dismissively. ‘All in the past.’

'Who told you where I was? Was it Hastur? Beelzebub? Zozo? It was Gabriel, wasn't it?'

'I haven't talked to Gabriel in millennia, I left that up to Beelzebub.’

‘Then why are you here on earth coming after me?’

‘I told you, I’m living here on earth and consulting the LAPD.’

Crowley leaned over to see around Lucifer to the officers standing behind him. He gave Decker an inquisitive look and she nodded at him. He looked at the other officers and they all gave their own affirmatives.

‘I can’t fucking believe this,’ Crowley slowly stood up and the ropes suddenly slid off him.

‘I guess it was a bad idea to tie up a snake. You are a wily one.’

‘And you’re not my boss anymore, so once I’m done here, you can stuff it.’

Lucifer just looked at him in utter awe as he walked past him back to the detectives. Dan did a very bad job of hiding his glee as he told Crowley to come with him to the station to record an official statement.

‘So... another brother?’ Chloe asked.

‘Yes, one of the younger ones, and the least predictable. And a little shit.’

‘You two can catch up after we get started on this case, right now we need to find a killer.’

‘Did you hear him? He told me to stuff it! That little brat!’

With Chloe driving, they arrived back at the precinct after Dan and Crowley and they were already recording a statement when they walked in. Lucifer settled with bitching about his family at Chloe as they watched from the two way mirror.

‘Out of all my siblings, I would think the one who followed me into Hell would have more respect,’ he huffed. ‘He’s even one of my most decorated followers, but no, he had to go and stab me in the back and now hes telling me to stuff it!’

‘Look, I don’t know what you two have been through, but we need him and his statement right now to find this killer,’ Chloe carefully explained.

‘What could he have seen, anyways? He has horrible eyesight!’

‘Wait, you didn’t actually see the killer?’ they heard Dan say to Crowley.

‘No, I got terrible eyes. That’s the reason why I need the glasses, they’re all screwed up. I do have a sharp sense of smell, though.’

Dan sighed audibly, ‘Okay, what did he smell like?’

‘Hes half lying,’ Lucifer commented. ‘He does have bad eyesight, but the glasses aren’t for that. When he fell, dear old dad decided to curse him by turning him into a snake. He can take a human-like form now, but his senses stay the same, and his eyes stay... snaky.’

‘So wait, you were being literal when you called him a snake before?’ Chloe tried to clarify.

‘Yes. Specifically, the snake that convinced Eve to eat the apple.’

‘I thought that was supposed to be you?’

‘Not really, I just told him to go cause some trouble, maybe screw around with that stupid ‘Tree of Knowledge’ dad planted in that stupid garden.’

They turned back to the interview with Dan having a hard time taking Crowley seriously.

‘Look, a meth lab has a very distinctive smell, and lets say I’ve spent time in areas that housed a few,’ Crowley explained. ‘Phosphorus, hydriodic acid, cough syrup, basic ingredients and the man reeked of them. Now unless he was just an amateur alchemist with a head cold, your victim was caught up in some serious drugs.’

‘Alright, so you picked up on the smell of meth making ingredients,’ Dan reiterated. ‘Anything else?’

Crowley thought for a minute. ‘I could smell a bit of cologne. It was too faint for him to be wearing it, so he must have spent an extended amount of time with someone else wearing it.’

‘Would you be able to recognize it out of a line of other similar colognes?’

‘Yeah, it smelled bloody awful. Whoever was wearing it cared more about the name on the bottle than the smell.’

‘Wow, if Crowley is being honest, then he’s giving us a lot of great details,’ Chloe said.

‘Hes still a little shit,’ Lucifer mumbled.

After the interview Crowley tried to sneak out of the precinct without Lucifer seeing, but at the last second Lucifer grabbed him from behind and dragged him back inside.

‘You’re not getting away that easy!’ Lucifer yelled as he put his arm around his neck and held him in place.

‘Lucifer, just leave him alone, we have work to do!’ Chloe tried to break up the fight.

‘Let me go! I don’t serve you anymore!’ Crowley struggled to groan out.

‘But I want to catch up, brother, especially after our last meeting!’

‘Let me go you giant twat!’

‘They remind me of my brothers,’ Ella sighed as she joined the other officers watching them fight.

‘For once I’m happy I’m an only child,’ Chloe commented as she backed off, waiting for the dust to settle before chewing Lucifer out.

‘Oooh, whats that?’ Lucifer caught a glint of something gold on Crowley’s finger. He let go of his neck and slipped the ring from his finger while he was caught off guard.

‘Give that back!’ Crowley shouted as he lunged at Lucifer, but Lucifer gripped Crowley’s hair and kept him at arms length.

‘This is a wedding ring, isn’t it? Did you get married?’

‘No! I bought it at a shop in Rome, I just like it!’

‘My ancient language skills aren’t the strongest, but I think I see the phrase ‘I Love You’ written in several of them. Is that Sanskrit?’

‘Give it back!’

‘If its just a random ring, then why are you freaking out over it-’ and Lucifer yelled in pain as Crowley freed himself from Lucifer’s grip and bit down on his hand, hard. ‘You bit me! You bloody bit me!’

‘You had it coming,’ Crowley picked up the ring from where Lucifer dropped it and replaced it on his hand.

‘I have a first aid kit in my lab,’ Ella announced as she took Lucifer by his injured hand and led him into her workspace, Chloe, Dan, and even Crowley following behind. ‘Wow, that is some gnarly bite you got there, Crowley. I would hate to be your dentist.’

Ella looked over the bite, most of which was two large holes where she guessed his unusually large canines sunk in. If she didn’t know better, it looked like a very large snake had bitten him. She looked up at Crowley and saw a look of satisfaction.

‘Do we have anymore information on our vic, Ella?’ Decker asked as she watched her clean the wound and disinfect it.

‘Oh, yeah, an officer talked to his wife and we got more basic information. Turns out, Weisser was working as an intern for a political campaign, and as far as we know has no history of causing trouble. Not even a parking ticket.’

‘Maybe his killer was part of the campaign,’ Dan suggested. ‘If Crowley is right about the killer smelling like a meth lab, then maybe the killer worked for the campaign and used it to launder drug money.’

‘And Weisser could have found out about it and was taken out before he could talk to the police.

‘Well, who is the campaign for?’ Lucifer asked as Ella finished taping the gaze in place over his wound. ‘We can see if any of the higher staff have any connection to drugs in the city.’

‘He was working for Thaddeus Dowling’s campaign for California Governor.’

[osmw1]

Dimension Wave   Chapter 29 — Dimension Wave: Conclusion

—?!

It wasn’t clear who landed the final blow, but Cerberus let out as if he had been torn apart. At the same time, a flash of white light blinded everybody in the instance as they braced themselves for the next attack. The light dissipated and revealed white clouds on a backdrop of blue… just as the skies had been before all of this happened. White petals blew across the battlefield; we were now in a field of flowers in full bloom.

“We did it!”

Everybody was in high spirits and some were crying out from our shared triumph.

“Good job, team.” “Well done!” “That was a doozy.” “Hell yeah.”

A victory fanfare played in the background—this is an MMO, so of course it did. I sat down on the bed of flower as both my—as both Kizuna†Exceed’s body and mind were exhausted. The tension and anxiety I was holding back crushed me all at once now. It was extremely stressful avoiding getting hit as a Spirit.

—The first wave of Dimension Wave has been defeated!

The game popped up a message in my vision. There was also a ranking of who contributed the most. Let’s see where I placed…

—Overall rank #77: Kizuna†Exceed

Looks like I’m 77th place among all other players. There were a few other rankings as well.

—Total damage given rank #1: Tsugumi†Exceed

No surprise there. That scythe was great for crowd control.

Oh, there’s a ranking for resources contribution as well. Alto and Romina were in the top 10. They did a lot to back us up, eh?

Another category was “Everyday”. I assume that’s for like activities, like cooking and other roleplaying elements? I’m at #542 for that.

“Holy! Look! There’s someone who took 80,000 points of damage!”

That guy was #2 for most damage received, but who’s #1?

—Total damage received rank #1: Kizuna†Exceed

… hey, that name looks familiar! I fell prostrate on the ground. Now that I look at myself, my clothes had been unequipped, leaving me in my underwear.

Name/ Kizuna†Exceed Race/ Spirit Energy/ 19,550 Mana/ 8,100 Serin/ 46,780

Skills/ Energy Production X, Mana Production VII, Fishing Mastery IV, Hate & Lure I, Gutting Mastery IV, Cleaver III, Speed Gutting III, Naval Combat IV, Transmutation I

… well, that makes sense.

“Required level to equip… Energy, in my case…”

I never knew there was a level requirement for my clothes. They got unequipped because I don’t have enough Energy now, I assumed. Guess I don’t have much of a choice but to use my old equipment. I’m glad I kept everything in my inventory. I clicked out of the rankings and looked through other information.

—Buffs and item usage

There were patch notes for new skills, equipment, and other changes as well. More weapon types were added too. Something I was just talking about is the new specialization for scythes, called war scythes; dual blades derived from one-handed swords; and katanas from two-handed swords. I can’t tell for sure unless I check with the next one, but I’m sure there are new items and skills that are affected by each Dimension Wave.

Oh, hey, it said that fishing rods can now be equipped with reels. I’ve gotta get me one of those. I kept scrolling through the notes.

“Racial powers unlocked?”

That line caught my attention while I was skimming. First off, lemme see what’s in store for Spirits.

—Stone of Mediation implemented.

A crystal that allows its user to project their soul. Or, at least, that’s what this Spirit-exclusive rock claims to be able to do. Every Stone of Mediation has a different effect. Some may shorten the amount of time needed to produce Energy or reduce skills’ Energy usage.

Finally, it looks like we all get something from participating in Dimension Wave. Ranks 1-5, 6-100, 101-1,000, 1,001-5,000 all get different items.

And since I’m number 77, I should be getting something pretty decent. I clicked Yes on the dialog box asking me whether I’d like to receive my reward. Then, a slot machine with numbers and fruits on its reels popped up in my vision. After a quick spin, three icons of souls lined up in the center.

—Energy Blade obtained.

It looked so fitting for a Spirit like me, though the description looked far from normal.

Energy Blade Weapon type/ Not applicable Attack/ 0 Prerequisites/ Must be a Spirit User must have at least 2 Energy to equip this weapon. The user charges up the blade with Energy then unleashes all of it in one single blow. Beware that all charged Energy will be expended upon making an attack, regardless of its success.

All that’s there to the weapon is just its handle. It’s reminiscent of old movies and anime, like how the blade part would only appear if the sword chooses its wielder. It sounds cool and all, but I’ll hold off judgement until I try it out. Personally, I don’t have strong feelings either way. Since it’s a Spirit-exclusive weapon, it’s quite the oddball. I bet it’ll be tricky to use as well. At the very least, it’s not an option for me in my current state. It won’t be long until I’m back in business, so I’ll just keep it safe for now.

“Kizuna.”

Shouko showed up just as I had finished stowing away the Energy Blade into my inventory. Just like everybody else, I congratulated her with a “Well done out there”. But even though we’ve defeated the Dimension Wave, she looked less than happy. I couldn’t help but worry about her.

“What’s wrong? Did something happen?” “No, it’s just that… I overdid it out on the battlefield, causing you to suffer such terrible damage…” “Oh, that’s what’s bothering you? Don’t worry about it. The true winners in games are ones who enjoy themselves, isn’t that right?” “Still—”

Shouko seemed to be bothered about me losing my Energy. I had been swarmed by the mob, hurt myself in trying to protect Tsugumi, and nearly lost my life when I was drawing the boss’ aggro. Even if I had voluntarily done all that, she must be feeling guilty about all of the damage I faced. But I knew. I knew Shouko had tirelessly used her counterattack skill to protect me. Still, the fan-type weapon needs to be charged so, of course, she couldn’t block 100% of Cerberus’ attacks. Nevertheless, it was touching to hear that she had been thinking of me the entire time.

“More importantly, the sea! I mean, I’d love to head back out onto the water, but with the little Energy I have left, I’ll just be dead weight.” “Nonsense. I will help you reach… no, rather, I wish to be by your side and reach beyond the horizon together.” “I couldn’t ask for anybody better. I knew that before, but seeing you out there today, I’m even more sure of it.”

I can’t forget how graceful of an acrobatic Shouko was when facing Cerberus. And frighteningly, she’s as skilled as Tsugumi. Even though her prowess suits the frontlines much better, knowing her and her personality, I’m sure she’ll choose to stay with me. But I know better than to outright ask her to return to the frontlines.

“It’s been a long day. Let’s head back to the First and get some rest.” “Oh, but…” “Hmm?”

Shouko pressed her index finger to her lips, cueing me to stay quiet. Then, she looked over at Cerberus’ corpse. I get it now… gutting, eh? I was going to tell Roz and his party about the power of gutting-type weapons, but I didn’t get the chance to do so. I definitely had a hard time keeping cool back there. I mean, it’s only natural to get mad when someone insults you and your friends, right?

We made our way over to where Cerberus fell and eyed the other players. Many of them were already teleporting out of the instance since the raid was finished. The thriftier ones were walking home while the frontliners didn’t even bat an eye when they used their Tomes of Returning. Some of the braver ones were even saying how they’re headed off for the next battle. There were still too many people around for me to start gutting—that is if I still wanted to keep this a secret.

“Shall we stay here for a while? It’d be a waste to not enjoy the scenery.” “… yeah, why not?”

The bed of flowers was simply fantastic—both in the sense that it was beautiful but also unrealistically so. It’s almost as if the devs put it in here for us players to relax after the raid. Well, Cerberus’ corpse lying there kinda spoils the view though.

“Miss Kizuna!” “Oh, hey, Yamikage. Good work back there.” “I thank ye, but I bear exciting news.” “Ooh, what is it?” “I am now the highest ranked Spirit!” “Number one in the Energy rankings, eh?”

It’s no surprise for someone who has accumulated a total of more than a million Energy. I bet Circle Drain contributed a lot to her growth too.

“Where’s Sheryl anyway?” “… I have been here the whole time.” “Agh! Don’t scare me like that.”

Sheryl suddenly spoke up from behind me. I had no idea she was with us. It’s almost like she concealed herself or something. Well, I’m probably unperceptive because I’m just too tired.

Near the end of the raid, Sheryl was still fighting the mob to not get in our way. It’s boring, but someone’s gotta do it. Or rather, it shows exactly how considerate and attentive Sheryl is. Like that time with the bird-type monster who tried to run from us. She’s always there to back us up and to take care of loose ends. Anyway, it looks like we’re all back together now.

“I don’t think I need to explain much, but let’s enjoy the garden here while we’re waiting to do that thing I always do.” “‘Tis a splendid idea!” “‘kay.” “Yes, let’s.”

I’ll be honest. I’ve never sat around in a park to enjoy the cherry blossoms or anything like that in real life. But perhaps I’m still feeling the adrenaline rush from the fight, this was a little exciting. … I mean, as exciting as looking as flowers can be.

“It’s a little boring to sit around with nothing. I’ll make sure I take up cooking next time, so we can have a picnic or something.” “Will it not be straining your Energy reserves, Miss Kizuna?” “You’re right, but it’s something I should learn sooner or later. It’ll be useful for our voyage on the seas.” “That would not be a bad idea. We bring some food on board, but if we run out, we can rely on cooking.” “Since we have Shouko and Yamikage as specced purely for combat and Sheryl for crafting. I guess that leaves me as the team’s cook.” “… only if you’re okay with it.” “It’ll synergize well with my weapon type too.”

I’ll catch and cook our meals. Now that I think about it, I don’t do much with the fish after I catch them. Why didn’t I take up cooking sooner? The more I think about it, the more sense it makes. Hmm? It sounds like someone’s running up to us. It was Tsugumi and Roz’s party.

“Big brooooo!”

She barreled towards me and squeezed me tightly in her arms. Maybe because I’m low on Energy, but I didn’t have the strength to pry her off of me.

“That was some amazing support there, Kizuna.” “You too, Roz. Almost all of you are ranked in the top 100, right?” “Ah, we were just lucky.” “You guys wanna join us? We were just about to celebrate our victory.”

Roz looked like he thought about it for a quick second. Well, I don’t blame him for being hesitant in front of total strangers.

“I hate to say no, but we’ve got to get going.” “You guys heading out for more grinding?” “Nah, but we’ve gotta figure out our equipment and skills.” “Frontliners sure have it rough. Well, good luck with that then.”

They’re throwing themselves back out onto the battlefield right after a huge raid battle. Honestly, I’m ready to pass out already. Frontliners are just so impressive. Well, I mean, I’ve been in their position before too. I know just how addictive games can be. Roz didn’t look like he was here just to say hi.

“Anyways, I was hoping to talk to the girl with the fan.” “Yes? What is it?”

Shouko looked at him with suspicion. He’s gonna ask her to join their party, I bet. Well, after seeing Shouko perform like that during the raid, everybody should be begging her to join their parties.

“I was wondering if you’d like to join—” “No, thank you.”

She cut Roz off before he could even finish his sentence. Yamikage and Sheryl looked like they wanted to say something but judging by how quickly she rejected him, I don’t think anyone could change Shouko’s mind. It was a bit of a shock, frankly speaking. I wouldn’t have expected her to flatly reject him like that, given how considerate Shouko is. She was quick to understand what he wanted as well. But even for being such an upright and proper lady, Shouko has her brash moments too, I guess. To refuse him like that is not unimaginable. Rosette seemed a little taken aback as well.

“But with your skill, you’d be perfect for the frontlines.” “I will follow Kizuna no matter what.”

… I’ve knew from the get-go that Shouko is like that, but still, that’s super embarrassing for me. I can still remember how politely she bowed to me when we first met.

“I see… sorry for trying to poach your party member like that, Kizuna.” “No worries. That’s just how Shouko is.” “Yeah, I can tell… those bastards have no idea what they’re missing out on.”

I’m guessing he’s referring to Shouko’s previous party members. It’s easy to judge us Spirits by the rumors that surround us. A lot of people fall into a bad habit of blindly listening to whatever strategy sites or wiki pages instead of seeing it for themselves. It really is a shame for them. I’ve really hit it off with Shouko. Not only is she a great person, she’s real skilled at combat too.

“Alrighty, then we’ll be heading off.” “Gotcha. I can’t wait to fight alongside you guys again.”

Roz and his party waved goodbye before teleporting away. But my sister, Tsugumi, is still clung onto me like a koala.

“Listen…” “What’s good, bro?” “Your party’s gone already, y’know?”

Tsugumi looked over her shoulder to see no traces of her teammates anywhere. Then, she shook her head and looked at me.

“What’s up?” “… big bro, are you guys going to sit here and chill for a bit?” “That’s what we’re planning to do. What about it?” “…”

For some reason, Tsugumi was staring straight into my eyes. She only looks like this when she’s really concentrating at her games. She must be thinking long and hard about something. No one—not even Kanata—can break her concentration. It’s like Tsugumi gets into some sort of a trance. Shouko gets into a hyper-aware state like this sometimes too. But Tsugumi? She only gets like this when she’s doing something she likes… that is to say when only when she’s gaming. And seemingly as if she’s figured it all out, she beamed with a smile.

“Alright! I’ve made up my mind! See ya, big bro!”

Then, she disappears after using a Tome of Returning. What was that all about?

“Anyway. Let’s go enjoy the flowers, shall we?”

We sat around chatting until everyone around us had left.

contents: /prologue/ /ch001/ /ch002/ /ch003/ /ch004/ /ch005/ /ch006/ /ch007/ /ch008/ /ch009/ /ch010/ /ch011/ /ch012/ /ch013/ /ch014/ /ch015/ /ch016/ /ch017/ /ch018/ /ch019/ /ch020/ /ch021/ /ch022/ /ch023/ /ch024/ /ch025/ /ch026/ /ch027/ /ch028/ /ch029/ /next/

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[swayinghummingbirds]

i feel like i need to blog more stuff out of me to research my own thoughts ignore me or help me either is welcomed. 

so like i was diagnosed with mdd , panic/anxiety disorder so i know how it goes and how it feels and all that jazz. used to be on medication and not for almost two years. i can usually cope well since while i was on medication ifound many ways to do so. but now ive come across season affective disorder and i gotta say i am not a fucking fan. i cant bring myself to do the coping mechanisms because im fucking cold and there is no sun ever.  

this time last year i felt the exact same way and almost moved back to fl but didnt want to give up on tn yet. but im wondering is it maybe time to give up on it? i have no family here. and my family is expanding and growing without me. which makes it worse. 

ive been where i am for almost a year now and its been good. but there are no sidewalks like anywhere? im so tired of sharing walls. sure, its a townhouse and its pretty big and two floors and fire place but my neighbors are so annoying and for some reason in tennessee so many people think its absolutely okay to let their dogs out with leashes? 

knoxville is a really cool city and ive loved living here but idk if i can stand the winter. and its just a mild winter, idk how yall in the north handle it. i see now why when i moved abck to pa for 8 months my mom had it by the time march came around and we moved back to fl. 

a part of me feels like i might even just get bored with where i am after a certain amount of time considering how i was brought up. i have moved 17 times, which is wild for a child. probably why i have a hard time making friends too. 

tried leaving work yesterday after i got my list done (usually isnt a problem for my manager but the ass. manager always fights me with it). i told him three times i already had 2 1/2 hours of overtime and ill be leaving when im finished but bitch never listens to me and acts like he didnt hear me say it to his damn face.Usually i ask just to be polite and make sure but this time im telling him. kind of snapped on him because the day before i just cried all fucking day and had that feeling in my stomach and felt the same way when i woke up. old me would have called out, one because the position i was in was easily fillable but now im actually needed so i go to do my job and if i get done early that means im working my ass off and sweating like a pig to get done three hours early. (and the girl who does the work on the two days im off never gets the shit down or sets the room or anything up in order to have a good morning because the whole thing is very time sensitive and its very frustrating. also she called out like three times this week and made my week shittier than it needed to be.) like bitch no that doesnt mean i want to stay and help with other things after exerting so much energy that i dont even have in myself to begin with. so anyways i cried and then the manager came and talked to me and was understanding because he is aware of my mental health issues and i forgot steve- the ass manager (assistant manager , but also ass because he can be an ass) was not aware. so all in all i talked to my manager and told him and he was very supportive and then i went to apologize to steve and he reassured me i was valued and adored here which was nice. and i had to basically tell him if im trying to leave early it usually means because im feeling like a crazy bitch whos on the break of a mental breakdown so. quit fighting me. 

so anyways. 

even if i did move back fl ive finally gotten myself where i wanted to be in my job but i guess if it was meant to be the universe will take care of it just like it did when we moved here. 

a week before almost moving back to fl my grandparents came to visit and we were in crossville, which is the half way point from here to where we were living at the time and i was like hey lets try knoxville and the next day we went to look at apartments and as we were looking this place went up for rent almost as if the universe here, ask and you shall receive. because i was only looking at places that was in between the three stores that we could have possibly transferred to because i had no idea which one it was going to be i just new it was going to happen. and then when trying to transfer we my fiancees assistant manager knew the manager at this store here and said that he would take both of us and needed help in the area i wanted to be in and i was like wow amazing its all working out. and it did and it was great and then it got cold. and then holidays came. and birthdays came. and i ive learned so much about myself and i feel like yes i needed this part of my life. and now im not sure if istill need it. 

we have a vision of owning a little home a nice big plot of land near the mountains with a spring and creek on site with woods around. if we kept it up and really searched when the time came yeah im feel like we could find it. but what if i still feel this way when were there? then weve bought a home and it would be harder to get rid of. i have a vision of my own business with yoga. i find myself in capable of moving between the months of decemeber and march. then what. even when i get on to the mat i cant get into the flow. 

and what if we move back to fl. would he resent me for giving up on our dreams? will i be tired of people demanding my time and energy? will i bitch about the heat all the time and the fact that neighbros are every where? probably, yes, yes, and yes. 

but will i resent him for not moving back to spend our lives with our families? will i resent myself for not listening to the feeling in my stomach? or would i resent myself if i did listen to that feeling and gave up on the mountainous dreams. 

i know we would welcomed back with opened arms and i know not many would miss us here. 

the mountains are beautiful and so mystical when there. i wonder how it would be to live there. i always end up feeling so creeped out at some point of hikes because i feel like something is watching us, and i know there is, there is always is whether its and animal or a spirit. but sometimes those spirits, or beings, are just so strong of a force. what if we bought a property with one of those that wouldnt be able to make peace with us? i always imagined if we ended up with a property with strong entities then we would make peace and ring singing bowls and plant luscious plants for them. but what if they hate it all. and what if our neighbors down the street end up being cannabilistic cult people? what if some animal tried to maul my dog (which already happens frequently, shes a chihuahua everything is out to get her). what if something happens at oak ridge? i had no idea i was living next to a giant nuclear power plant thing. 

but then its like okay what if theres a giant hurricane that tears my house down (i had a tree fall on my house during matthew which is one reason why we left) or the storm sturge sweeps my house away. trey is scared of tsunamis, not that one has happened there probably ever, idk but it is a weird fear of his. surprisingly tornados do happen in tn too. 

and a day like today, where trey is working all day and i have the day off. there isnt much to do. its cold out so i cant sit on my patio for a few hours like i would in the summer. i dont like to go shopping. i dont have a friend to hang out with, which is my own fault people im really not a big people person. i have hung out with a couple a few tiems, and idk ij ust would rather not. but if i were in fl i could go hang out with my brother, or treys sister, or the few friends i have there. or go to the beach and sit on my own, because its not fucking weird to sit alone there and usually you dont have to worry about getting mugged. i cant go to the parks here on my own. i cant take my dog for walks around here because there are no side walks and people just look shady af everywhere. 

when i went to visit for my brothers wedding in october i realized how i did not appriciate the plant life naturally around all year round when i lived there for 11 years. i guess mostly because it wasnt until two years ago that i really got in to plants but omg i cant stop imagining what our yard would look like if we were in aplace where things could just be outside all year round. i would take cuttings of my plants andjust put them every where have my own little tropical paradise in my front and back yard. 

i know this all is really sounding one sided atm but this time last year i was having the exact same visions and the exact same thoughts. and i thought about how what if my brother has kids and im up here well hello here we are now and thats happening. i feel like i need to be there. theres even a house for sale on the same street as him and all i could was fantasize what i would do to the house and how i would baby sit for them and be able to see my dog that i left with him because ultimately she was is but we co owned her together and just to be there. and be with my mom. shes living in orland with her boyfriend and i feel like the fact shes goingt o be a grandmother might sway him into moving closer, she hates the city and i imagine shes just as depressed as i am to be away and to be in a city where you dont feel safe to go outside alone. we are creatures of nature and both pisces and very sensitive to everything. 

and what if trey and i have a baby at some point? we have no one here to help us. i was thinkg about how our wedding date is a year and like two months away and i have no one here to help me plan. and for a long itme i always imagined myself getting married at this place called sugar mill gardens, a botanical garden that i had always loved in my home town there. when trey and i got together we would pokemon go there and take clippings, and i still have those plants today. but then this new vision came where we would get married on our future property. i feel like we are still a long way away from buying a house here though. idk if we would be there in time. and since we went back in october all i can think about is getting married in sugar mill. he reproposed to me when we were there and that was so sweet and just made me want to be there instead for it. 

this is very long but these are my constant thoughts that all happen at once and it feels nice to get them out to piece them together and not feel so overwhelmed with all them at one time in layers upon layers of thoughts. sometimes my vision even goes out and i dissociate and just work blurred vision cross eyed for ten minutes, who knows maybe its an hour. im back there by myself for eight hours a day idk. 

[spacerhapsody]

85 questions tag game

I was tagged by @yasisworld - thank you, I hadn’t done one of these for ages! :D

last?

drink: water

phone call: a co-worker from another location at work

text message: a friend… about soaps, lmao.

song you listened to: Heroes – David Bowie

time you cried: last weekend? ugh PMS, making everything ten times more dramatic

ever?

dated someone twice: no

kissed someone and regretted it: ugh, yes.

been cheated on: no

lost someone special: special to me, yes.

gotten drunk and thrown up: yes, and trust me, I learned more than one lesson that time.

fave colors?

purple

turquoise

red

in the last year have you?

made new friends: yes

fallen out of love: no (unless you count football, because wow, that’s such a mess)

laughed until you cried: yes

found out someone was talking about you: no

met someone who changed you: in a way

found out who your friends are: no

kissed someone on your facebook friends list: no

general

how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: most of them, and the ones I’ve never met I’ve still known for a pretty long time.

do you have any pets: not anymore

do you want to change your name: no, I’m pretty happy with it :)

what did you do for your last birthday: I think I made at least two rhubarb cakes that day, one for my family and one for work. I also took my birthday off from Facebook and realized that I really don’t care about empty wished from people I don’t really care about, and how nice it is that almost all of the people who mattered cared, anyways.

what time did you wake up today: 8am (we went to the beer garden to celebrate a birthday last night, sue me)

what were you doing last night at midnight: finally home sleeping!

what is something you can’t wait for: THE WEEKEND, this week is going on forever already. Also, it’s my brother’s birthday and the cake he wants sounded like a lot of fun to make, so I’m kind of looking forward to it.

what are you listening to right now: the washing machine next room because I’m too lazy to get up and close the doors.

have you ever talked to a person named tom: yes, I actually did so today.

something that gets on your nerves: right now? My boss, and probably myself tbh.

most visited website: Firefox says Twitter which kind of surprises me because I’ve not been using it that much lately??? (I really need new people to follow.)

hair colour: dark brown

long or short hair: rather short

what do you like about yourself: the fact that I do enjoy trying new things, even when some of them scare the hell out of me at first.

want any piercings: I want the third one in each ear back, yes!

blood type: 0+

nicknames: none tbh, mostly because my name is pretty short as it is and I’m not a huge fan of “Tanni”.

relationship status: single, still not sure how     to mingle

zodiac sign: Aries

pronouns: she/her

fave tv show: Black Sails, Ashes to Ashes, Queer Eye

tattoos: none, but I want one! My main problem is that the best tattoo artist in the area has a fucking long wait list and you need to apply with the tattoo you want and then you might or might not get chosen for that wait list, and the one I want probably isn’t that special. Of course they’ve     ruined every other artist for me.

right or left handed: right handed

ever had surgery: no

piercings: the remaining four in my ears.

sports: I watch football, even though it’s complicated, and I really should start doing zumba again.

vacation: IT’S BEEN TO LONG. My last proper one was to London in 2013.

trainers: I’ve discovered my love for them over the last few years. My favourite pair right now are the light blue/grey Puma ones I bought this year because they’re some of the most comfortable ones I’ve ever owned <3

eating: yes? Like, I do eat? I enjoy good food? What’s even the question here?

drinking: also yes? Both in the “I do drink a lot of water and stay reasonably hydrated most days” and the “I do occasionally drink alcohol” way? Also, I feel like I should give a shout-out to coffee here.

i’m about to watch: uuugh, I don’t know. I finished Happy! And caught up on Ducktales the other day and now I have to find something else. I kind of want to rewatch Black Sails, though.

waiting for: myself to get my shit together again

want: I’m stealing this answer because, god yes, a new job would be nice

get married: right now I can’t really see it

career: not right now

hugs or kisses: hugs

lips or eyes: eyes

shorter or taller: taller?

older or younger: omg I hate these questions, who cares?

nice arms or stomach: arms, probably?

hookup or relationship: hookup? I don’t think I can handle a relationship on top of everything right now tbh.

troublemaker or hesitant: a good mixture.

have you ever?

kissed a stranger: yes

drank hard liquor: yes, but unless it’s a small amount in a cocktail or something I’m not a big fan of that anymore.

lost glasses: thankfully not.

turned someone down: yes

sex on the first date: no

broken someone’s heart: I hope not

had your heart broken: yeah

been arrested: no

cried when someone died: yes

fallen for a friend: I’d say no, but in hindsight I’m not 100% sure anymore

do you believe in?

yourself: on good days, yes.

miracles: sometimes

love at first sight: not real love, no.

kiss on the first date: if it feels right for the date, sure!

angels: no

other?

best friend’s name: idek anymore, i guess

eye colour: blue-grey

fave movie: Back to the Future, Star Trek IV, Rise     of the Guardians, and don’t judge me, but my latest happy place movie is actually The 10 Year Plan

favourite actor: I don’t really have one. The last one was Johnny Depp, and we all know how that went down…

favourite food: those gnocchi al forno the Italian restaurant near my workplace makes.

extrovert or introvert: introvert

favourite flower: daisies? Maybe sunflowers.

favourite hello kitty characters: there are more Hello Kitty characters than just Hello Kitty…?

[kirachama]

sinners like us (saeran x reader, part iv)

summary:  For days there's been a boy in the hospital room next door who won't stop screaming. And, against your better judgement, you decide to find out who exactly this guy is.

rating: 13+ (707 route spoilers and secret end 02 spoilers)

notes: ahh, man this chapter. it was fun, and turned out longer than expected. there’s a lot of staring. i need more synonyms... please enjoy!! 

chapter one | chapter two | chapter three

Something strange is going on.

You sneakily peek at Saeran, who, as usual, is just sitting on his bed. But instead of gazing at the sky outside the window, like you’re used to, his eyes are fixed on you. When you shift, you raise your eyes so that they meet his. For a moment, Saeran holds your gaze before moving his head to look outside. You watch briefly before turning your attention back to the partially folded crane in your hands. When you finish, you toss it in the jar and you grab another sheet to start on the next one. It’s at this moment you feel his eyes on you once more. The entire night has been like this: he’ll stare, you’ll look, then he’ll turn away, only to stare again once you’re attention is back on the cranes. You don’t quite understand why he’s paying so much attention to you. You’re fairly sure you look the same as you always do so it can’t be that. Part of you wonders if taking him to the garden has anything to do with it, but nothing really noteworthy happened there…

Although the memory of the closeness of his body and his warm breath tickling your ear when you were hiding from the guard is enough to cause your heart skip a beat.

You shake your head a little as if it will help you forget. And it does, but just a bit. Out of the corner of your eye, you catch Saeran looking at you again. Feeling like you’ve had enough of this visual game of tag, you lightly glare at him, “What is it?”

Saeran looks away for a second, as if he’s debating, before turning back to you, “...what are those... things?”

You blink. Then you hold up the crane you've been working on. Is that really what he’s been wanting to ask all this time? “This?”

Saeran nods.

“It’s a paper crane,” you explain as you resume your folding. “Well, it’s going to be, anyway.”

“...why are you always making them?” Saeran then gestures to the half full jar on the table next to him. “Don’t you have enough?”

You shake your head, “No, I have only… around 350 or so? But I need one thousand in total.”

“Why?”

“...well, there’s a legend,” you explain softly, using your nails to define the creases in the paper. “If you make one thousand paper cranes a wish of yours will be granted.”

Saeran falls silent for a moment, but then when he speaks again his tone is harsh and dismissive. “...do you really think your wish will be granted by something like that?”

You’re not surprised in the slightest by Saeran’s reaction. It is kind of silly, after all, so you can’t blame him for not believing in such a thing. You give him a sheepish smile, “Well, you see… I kinda have a theory.”

You hesitate before continuing, “Wishes... work on a kind of point system. That’s why some wishes don’t get granted right away; you need to earn the points for them. And the way you do that is by doing stuff like wishing on falling stars, dandelions, birthday candles… Each of those actions is worth a certain amount of points depending on how often you can do it.  So you earn points and eventually, when you’ve earned enough, the wish gods cash in your points and there you go! Wish granted.”

Once you’re done with your little explanation the look on Saeran’s face only grows more severe. It’s clear that he thinks your theory is just a load of crap. Of course, he might be right since you really have no way of proving it.

“...so, to answer your question… I guess so. If I wish for something hard enough, then it’ll come true,” you falter a little at the end. “...at least… that’s what I want to believe.”

Saeran scowls at you, “...how stupid.”

“I… there's...” you start to try and explain yourself but the words get caught in your throat. You can’t help but feel hurt by Saeran’s words. It’s not like he’s wrong, per se, but to hear someone outright tell you that it’s stupid… Maybe he’s right, maybe it’s stupid to put so much hope into something that can’t be guaranteed, but… what else can you do? You swallow thickly, it’s got to be better than just doing nothing, right?

As the moments tick by, the air between the two of you starts to feel awkward and uncomfortable. It’s much earlier than normal, but part of you thinks that maybe you should just leave for the night. You stand up to hastily start to grab your things so that you can go, ignoring the somewhat alarmed look on Saeran’s face. Just as you’re about to grab the stuff on the side table Saeran reaches out and grabs you by the wrist.

“Wait.”

You look at him, confused and he stares back, those mint green eyes of his as unreadable as ever. When he doesn’t say anything else, you try to pull your wrist free, but his grip tightens just slightly.

“Saeran....”

He continues to look at you, as if he’s searching for something. Though for what, you’re not quite sure.

“Listen, I gotta-”

“Show me.”

“Huh?!” Show him? Show him what? It takes you a second to realize he’s talking about the cranes. “Show you… how to make them?”

He nods.

You give Saeran a dumbfounded look, “Didn’t you say it was stupid?”

Saeran scowls, but holds out his free hand. You’re not quite sure what triggered this sudden change of heart, but it doesn’t seem like he’ll relent. You gingerly pull one sheet of paper from the stack with your unrestrained hand and drop it onto his waiting palm. He slides it upward with his thumb so that he’s holding it between his fingers, albeit somewhat awkwardly.

You wait for Saeran to let or your arm, but when he doesn’t you wiggle it a little, “Um… I… can’t really show you like this.”

His eyes widen and he finally releases your wrist. You grab yourself a sheet of paper and sit back down, hesitantly scooting the chair so that it’s a little closer to him. Then you hold up the paper so he can see what you’re doing.

“So, um, you fold it in half horizontally, and then the other way…” you instruct, using your paper as a visual guide for him. “And then diagonally both ways…”

Saeran’s brow furrows as he tries to follow your instructions one by one. He manages to finish without too much of a problem and you both hold up your completed cranes. Having folded so many already yours is relatively perfect. Saeran’s, on the other hand… His face scrunches up with frustration as he compares the two. The one he made is a bit misshapen and you can tell that somewhere along the way his creases got misaligned.

“It’s okay!” you tell him in an attempt to comfort him. “My first ones looked like that too, so if you practice enough…”

Saeran grunts in disgust, staring at the imperfect crane in his open palm. Then, suddenly, he squashes it in his hand. You gasp and reach out, wrapping both hands around his fist.

“Saeran, don’t! You’ll crush it!”

“It doesn’t matter, it’s already messed up.”

“So?” you pry his fingers open one by one. “You shouldn’t smush it just for that…”

Saeran doesn’t say anything, as you free the crane from its prison. Now it looks more like a scrunched up candy wrapper than a crane, but you think you can still salvage it. Gently, you pluck it from Saeran’s hand and rub it between your fingers to loosen the kinks before smoothing it out. You manage to fix it so that it looks like it did before, though you can’t get rid of the wrinkles he made when he squished it.

You let out a relieved sigh, glad that the little crane wasn’t beyond saving, “Well, if you don’t want it, I’ll keep it. Is that okay?”

“Whatever.”

You smile a tiny bit and place it next to the jar. Saeran shoots you a confused look and you explain, “This one’s extra special, so I’m going to keep it to myself instead of putting it in with the thousand.”

Saeran’s cheeks flush a light pink hue and he holds out his hand yet again.

“Do you… want to try again?” you ask.

“What do you think?” Saeran asks in a deadpan voice. You can’t help but giggle a little. There's something cute about his childish behavior. He frowns slightly as you hand him another sheet, but doesn’t say anything.

“Okay then… let’s try again from the top…” you say in an encouraging tone. “So, first you gotta fold it half both ways making sure each side is perfectly even.”

Saeran makes no move to try and follow your instructions, instead he gives you an expectant look. The two of you stare at each other, both waiting on the other for something. Finally, you break the silence, “Uh… Saeran?”

“Where’s yours?”

“I’m just gonna focus on helping you make one this time,” you explain then gesture for him to go ahead and start. Saeran looks a bit apprehensive but he raises his hands and begins. He lines up the edges of the paper so that they match perfectly, but instead of folding the paper, his eyes flick upwards to meet yours. Thinking that he might be wondering if it’s okay to make the crease, you bob your head in approval. Then he carefully folds the paper, proving your guess right.

Saeran continues meticulously work at the paper crane, waiting for you to confirm each and every fold before he goes through with it. Because of that, it takes him more than three times longer than it normally would to finish, but the resulting crane is practically flawless. He holds the completed product up proudly.

“It looks great, Saeran!” you congratulate him with a wide grin. “Good job!”

Clearly he’s pleased that this one turned out much better the last and you notice the smuggest little grin tug at the corners of his lips.

And you wish you hadn’t.

(But the fluttery feeling you have in your chest tells you that you’re happy that you did.)

[withabackpackandcamera]

November 8th, 2018

Day 6: The Forever Long Boat Tour of Inle Lake

After waking up this morning, dark and early, everyone gathered downstairs to wait for the tuk tuks to grab us and take us to the starting point of our boat tour. Unlike the sign-up list for yesterday’s tour, the sign-up today had about 15 people who were all present this morning for the trip, which ended up being pretty awesome. It was still pretty cold outside by the time we got on our tuk tuks and drove off. After a short drive through some in-streets to pick up our soon-to-be-breakfast, we made it to the location where we boarded our three long boats for the day.

Because it was still early, the sun was still a ways away from rising. As a result, the boat ride out toward the lake was pretty chilly. Luckily, we were supplied with blankets to keep warm under until the sun decided to rise. After boating out for a bit and looking around the lake as everything started to awaken, we made our first stop on the banks of a small floating garden for breakfast. Breakfast today was a meat samosa, savory sticky rice, a banana, with tea and water. The meal was nice, warm, and yummy for a cool morning.

After breakfast, we continued on our way. By this point, there was still no visible sun due to the thick clouds overlying the lake. As a result, we never actually got to see the sun rise over the lake. Bummer. So we just continued on our way underneath the thick layer of clouds until we reached our first stop for the day, a silversmith shop where we learned about the process of making silver things (like silver jewelry) before walking through their silver shop to make it to the exit. Things here were pretty expensive so I didn’t look around for too long before reaching the exit, where the others were waiting. There, I met the first of many fellow hostelers on the boat trip, Jake, an Englishman who quit his job in construction and has been traveling and finding jobs in between to support his current 21-month trip around the world. A really nice guy. Throughout the day, I also ended up meeting Jack and Asli, a couple from England who both quit their jobs to travel for a year, and Sebastian (Switzerland) and Stefano (Italy).

Once we were back on our boats, our next destination was the 5-Day Traveling Market. We had about 45 minutes to roam around the market and I ended up going around with Marion and Jake. Because I had already visited the Nyaung U market, I wasn’t crazy about this repeat market scene. However, one difference I picked up on was that there were a lot more Pa’O people here (the tribe with women who wear the brightly colored turbans), probably because they were from the area. Along our stroll, we made random turns and ended up outside a small school where kids were enjoying their recess time and playing volleyball outside. We stood there to watch for a little bit before turning back to our boat stop.

The next stop was Indein Pagoda. As we made our way over to the pagoda, the clouds finally started to lift, and the sun finally came out to warm up the lake around us. The boat ride was really nice and pleasant as we boated through the open lake before making a turn into the smaller, winding waterways to get to Indein Pagoda. At the pagoda village, we paid a small fee to bring our cameras in (an entrance fee of sorts) and walked down a long, covered walkway that slowly wound its way toward the pagoda in the back. Along the way, we glanced around as merchants began setting up shop for the day. Once we finally reached the pagoda, we explored the area, which was dotted with little stupas everywhere. It wasn’t long until we saw our share of stupas and made our way back down toward our docked boats. Because we were a bit early, I took the opportunity to peel off and look around the area at some small shops and take some photos of the locals, both at work and lounging around.

Back on the water, we boated our way out of the area and back into the open water, where we eventually made it to our next stop: lunch on a floating Inle Lake house. By this time, the sun was high in the sky and the temperatures were much warmer than earlier this morning, yet still extremely pleasant with the nice lake breeze. At the house, we were welcomed with some local tea leaf salad before being seated for our homemade lunch, which consisted of fried fish, rice, lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers, salad, soup, and French fries. The table was loaded with food but by the end of lunch, we were all stuffed with most of the plates and bowls completed cleaned off. Whew, so delicious!

With our bellies full of yummy food, some of the local women at the house offered us a make-up session, where they would beautify us with thanakha, a yellowish-white cosmetic paste made from ground bark (ingredients include coumarin and marmesin) that is usually applied to the face for cosmetic beauty, sunburn protection, and smooth skin promotion. A lot of us, including me, volunteered to be beautified and it was fun!

After our thanakha was on, it was time for some canoe racing in the local lake waters! Because I was scared that I might actually fall into the water, I left my phone and camera behind at the house, and as a result, didn’t document anything, which was too bad because we ended up making it back to the house unscathed, though a little wet. Marion and I were in a canoe together with veteran leadership from one of the local women at the house. At first, it was really fun to just glide through the calm, warm waters of the lake. However, as we made it out further from the house, we got more and more tired. Eventually, we were passed by all the other canoes (it wasn’t actually fair since there were more people rowing in the other canoes compared to our two-person canoe). But it was a lot of fun to give it a try despite realizing that canoeing was actually pretty difficult and required a lot of arm movements I wasn’t used to.

Once back at the house, we all lazed around the living room for a bit before making our next move, which was stopping at a local lotus weaving shop. There, we learned about how lotus weaving works and how they make fabric and clothing out of the lotus threads they make from the stems of the lotus flowers. It was really cool to see the workers make fabrics out of the lotus threads with the antiquated technology they were using, which included a complicated wooden contraption with strings and pedals everywhere. Pretty cool! We looked around for a bit and glanced in at the shop next door prior to re-boarding our boats.

Next was the cigar making stop. We stopped here to learn about the cigar making process in Inle Lake and watched as one of the women made a ton of cigars. I’m not sure how many cigar she made while we were sitting there watching her but after a while, people got to try some cigars before we left for our last stop of the day: Maing Thouk Bridge, the same bridge I stopped by yesterday during my bike ride.

Because it was going to be a quick stop, I wasn’t actually sure what I would do at the stop since I saw most of the surrounding areas yesterday. But, luckily, as I was walking around, I noticed a little sign/logo that looked like it represented a clinic for mothers/babies, maybe a local birthing clinic. I decided to pay a visit after lingering outside for a few minutes, debating whether I actually wanted to stop by or not. Once I was inside, I saw an older woman who looked like a nurse given the little hat she was wearing looked like the old-school hat nurses usually wore as part of their uniforms back in the day. She didn’t know much English but she was nice enough to try and converse with me after I introduced myself and told her I was a doctor from the U.S. and showed her a couple of photos from work. She was really intrigued and looked very happy to have me stop by. After I shared some of my photos, she shared with me a little book of patient records where she had recorded a bunch of things. Upon closer examination, I realized, based on the records that I saw, that this was actually an urgent care clinic rather than an obstetrics/midwives clinic. Intrigued that I had stumbled upon this, I got permission to flip through the records a little. Fever, vomiting, and diarrhea were some of the diagnoses I saw. And based on the records, the primary things that could be done at this clinic included giving patients paracetamol (acetaminophen), oral antibiotics (like cephalexin), and even giving patients infusions of normal saline IV fluids. Pretty neat! After looking through the booklet, I shared with the nurse some of the different types of medications I brought along with me in case I needed it on the trip and she seemed entertained by that as well. What a fun local experience!

After spending ten or so minutes at the clinic, I bid the nurse farewell and walked back to the dock, where we boarded our long boats and made our way back toward the starting location. Along the way, we made a quick stop to take photos of fake fishermen posing with their old-school baskets. Because the lighting wasn’t great and the photo op itself wasn’t unique, I didn’t make a huge effort to get the photo I had envisioned in my head before the trip. Plus, the guy we were parked next to wasn’t as classic-looking as the other guy the other boats stopped next to to photograph. Oh well. Maybe next time.

Shortly after finishing our boat trip (at this point, it was about sunset time), we made it back to our hostel where we enjoyed some crepes as our welcome-back-snack before all moving upstairs for some drinks at the hostel bar’s happy hour. We were a little bit late for sunset but ended up enjoying our time upstairs as the evening approached. We hung out for a bit before all deciding that we would go to the balloon fireworks festival instead of dinner at an Indian restaurant nearby.

As a group with one of the hostel workers, Amy, as the lead, we walked over to the night market grounds (where Marion, Christian, and I were yesterday) for some food before heading over to the balloon festival (which we later realized was actually here as well). It wasn’t long after we arrived there that we started to lose people left and right. By the time moves were made, the only ones left who were interested in dinner at a festival stall were Jack, Asli, Jake, and me. We wandered around for a little and eventually found a nice little food tent where I ordered a shan noodle soup dish with veggies. It was simple but pretty good, despite the fact that it was lacking meat. As we finished eating, we saw what we came to see: a big balloon lined with lights released into the sky. Though it was only one balloon released (with no dangerous fireworks firing down at us), it was still cool to see (even though we weren’t at the site where the balloon was actually launched unfortunately). And just when we thought it was all over, the festival fired about 3-4 rounds of spectacular fireworks into the sky above us! It was crazy and way more extravagant than most fireworks shows I’ve seen recently!

Once the fireworks show had fizzled out, we roamed around, played some carnival games (a can toss game, a darts game) with a little bit of winning, before walking to the other side of the fairgrounds where Jake had spotted an interesting game where two people sat on a horizontal bamboo pole and tried to knock each other off the pole with bags filled with sawdust and wood shavings/mulch. At first, we just watched from the sideline with lots of intrigue. But eventually, we came up with the idea of putting two foreigners on the bamboo poles to battle each other. Once that idea was put into play, you should have seen how big the crowd got around the area! A quiet little venue suddenly became the hottest spot on the fairgrounds! And what followed was hilarious!!!! Jack and Jake were the first competitors with Jake winning the first foreigner match-up. Epic! And what was one match ended up becoming a huge tournament-like spectacle as Jake continued to win, one after another, with tons of people stepping up to the plate to challenge him. After about ten undefeated rounds, he finally fell to a local hahaha. You should have seen the craze and energy in the atmosphere when this was all going down! What an experience to be able to enjoy with the locals! After Jake had lost his crown, several more hostelers went up to give it a try, leading to more laughter and more fun. Part of me also wanted to go up, but I definitely didn’t think it was a good idea to go up against these huge guys, hahaha. But I really wished I had a chance! Poo.

After watching the bamboo gladiator game for a while, a lot of us moved over to the slippery bamboo pole climb right next door. Essentially, the goal of this game was to climb to the top of a 3-4 story tall bamboo pole that was greased from top to bottom. What ensued was entertaining, as people tried to climb as high as possible using any strategy they could think of, from climbing solo to climbing while building up a tower of people to support the highest climber (of course this involved Jake and Ben, one of the Aussies I later met). The contestants got pretty high up but, as you can imagine, it was impossible to get to the top without having the skills of those Spanish tower climbers that you always see. But it was fun to see everyone try!  

Before long, it was already 10:30pm and the festival was starting to wind down. We collected everyone and slowly made our way back to the hostel for some much needed showers and rest. What a fun, jam-packed, entertaining day full of surprises! Once in bed, I thought to myself how lucky I was to meet so many cool people on the boat tour today and how it totally made my day!

And as for tomorrow morning… back to Yangon!

5 Things I Learned Today:

1. Lotus fabric is more expensive than silk fabric because it takes more time to make and is more labor-intensive and because lotus flowers only grow during certain seasons, making it more limited. Supposedly, to make a 2 meter lotus scarf, you need approximately 4000 lotus flower stems. Usually, to make one lotus fiber/thread, you break four lotus stems, pull the the string-y thing on the inside out from the stems and twine and roll them together with 3 other stems-worth of string-y things to get a piece of thread.

2. To color the lotus fibers/products, you can use materials from different plants. For example, using the bark from a mango tree will give you a red color. Tamarind usually gives you yellow, while lotus usually gives you green.  

3. Small clinics near Inle Lake are mostly visited for minor illnesses. The clinic staff mostly see local patients and serve as an urgent care for those patients. In the particular clinic that I stopped by, they usually see around 25 local patients daily. The medications that are most prescribed: Tylenol and antibiotics. The most common complaints: fever, diarrhea, and vomiting. And what happens when foreigners needs medical attention? They’re referred directly to the closest hospital for care.

4. Cigar making in the Inle Lake region usually involves banana leaves (that serve as the outside shell of the cigar), tobacco, newspaper (that serves as the burning part?), and sticky rice (as the glue to keep it all together). It can take about 35.2 seconds to make one cigar (that was the time it took for our lady to make one. I timed it haha).   

5. Everything happens in Inle Lake. You bathe in the lake. You wash clothing in the lake. You wash dishes in the lake. You probably poo and pee in the lake too. Hmmm. Somehow, I feel like nothing gets cleaned in the lake because of all of that… It would kinda stink to be downstream of everyone else…. Stink? Get it?! Hahaha.

[radawz]

Castle Bellver & EVS on-arrival training in Navarra

Palma EVS, Week 3 & 4

July 18th - August 3rd

Welcome back! It's crazy, but I already had my third week of EVS. Time is flying by quickly, so I'm not going to waste more time with the introduction and I will just get into it. :)

On Monday we had our 2nd weekly meeting in the office and amongst other thing we discussed the upcoming on-arrival-training that will take place in Pamplona and – travelling included - it will last for 6 days . Trainings are part of EVS (SVE) and other than this one, there also will be a mid-term training too in a couple of months.

After the meeting ended Maria Antonia explained us what she is doing on the behalf of Acción Balear. She is organizing international volunteering (IV) opportunities and work camps (the good kind) in Morocco that take place during summers. If you want to know more about these projects than take a look at the website. Me and Pier also learned about the future plans for IV and ways to help Maria Antonia with the promotion of these opportunities.

Next day in the afternoon we visited Banys Arabs (Arab Baths). It's a tiny place close to the Catedral with a lovely little garden. It costs 2.5€ and it doesn't take longer than 15-20 minutes to explore it. In my opinion it's worth to check it out, but it probably shouldn't be your first or even second destination when you visit Palma.

Later that day we went to watch a movie in Parc de la Mar (in front of the Catedral). From the middle of July until September 10th there are plenty of nights when you can do the same. It's called Cinema a la Fresca and it's completely free. But you need there like an hour before the movie starts to get the best seats. And don't forget to bring some some snack & drinks. Here you can find a list of the movies.

The day after we went to a nearby bakery, because on Wednesdays it is Ruta del Llonguet– from July 20th until October 26th – in 49 bakeries/ pastry shops you can get a drink and a sandwich for 2.5€. Expect something like this.

On that day we visited SPAP Mallorca, an animal rescue centre, daycare and shelter for dogs & cats. And although in an ideal world animal shelters wouldn't even exist it was nice to see all these animals and meet the people – volunteers too – who take care of them really well.

On Thursday we went to check out Espais Joves, a youth organization who offers all types of activities for the local youngsters. They can play board games, video games, browse the internet, record song tracks, dance, practice yoga, cook, bake, etc. I'm looking forward to participate in one of their future activity. The yoga lesson on a surfboard seems quite interesting for example.

We also had a meeting with another organization called Amadip. They are working to get a quality life and equal opportunities for people with intellectual disabilities and their families. For example they cooperate with restaurants to be able to offer job opportunities for the people they are working with.

In the afternoon we went to Can Pere Antoni, the closest beach for the second time. It's an okay playa, but it's definitely not in the great category (like Playa Illetas for example).

On Friday we went to SPAP and went to a walk with 6 dogs. 3 separate walks, 1 dog for each of us every time. It was good fun and a pretty good exercise at the same time, because some of the dogs were not only big, but they were excited as well.

We started Saturday with a tour to Bellver Castle (Castell del Bellver). Climbing up to the castle is obviously not as difficult as getting to the top of the Everest, but the heat made it quite challenging. The castle is one of the most iconic sights of Palma, it's a must-see. A little history and amazing view from the top of the castle.

After getting back from our tour we spent the rest of the day in the apartment until around noon we went out to check out the nightlife of the city. We found a good little bar and after a beer we got some mojitos and thanks to Pier we ended up playing “Never have I ever...” (“Yo nunca...”) with four girls from Mallorca.

I guess it's hardly surprising that Sunday was all about relaxing. The only noteworthy event of the day was at the evening, when we ended the week watching another movie of Cinema a la Fresca. I can confirm that Guardians of the Galaxy is still entertaining if you watch it in Spanish with English subtitles.

Next week's post will be mostly about the training in Pamplona and the transformation of the apartment we live in. Should be an eventful one, that's for sure. But for now, thanks for reading!

...or maybe keep reading, because the post up until now was written last week, but now I have another few days to write about. And all I can say is that a lot happened during those days. So, let's get into it.

July 25th – August 3rd

In the last days before traveling to Alsasua for the training we had 2 meeting about EVS in Inca with Probens and Joan XXIII. By now I'm very used to sitting in a room with others who speak about the voluntary service in Spanish and I know it does not sound like hard work, but trust me, it is very tiring to try and understand bits and pieces of a language you don't speak. I really have to pay attention, or otherwise I just end up daydreaming. :D

Wednesday was an important day for me and Pier, because it was the day when our temporary flat mates, Susana and her 2 daughters were moving out. As the apartment was getting more and more empty we started to paint the walls with Xavi & Pier. After we finished and the movers left with all the stuff we said goodbye to Xavi and we were almost immediately joined by Pier's Italian friends, who came to Palma for a week or so.

We went to the beautiful Illetas beach for the second time and later they invited us for dinner where they cooked spaghetti carbonara. But the evening was not over with that, because after all that we headed to the city and had some beers on the square. I was quickly in the company of 11 Italians and I had a great time with them. We got back to the apartment around 2 am, which normally wouldn't have been been a problem.

BUT, what I didn't mention before is that we had to leave Palma very early that day. The taxi were waiting for us at 4:45 and I slept like 30 minutes before starting our journey to Barcelona/Pamplona. We took a flight to get to Barcelona.

We spent about 3 or 4 hours in the city, we checked out La Sagrada Familia and La Rambla during our short stay. I know that some people like the story of the slow building process of the Sagrada Familia, but to be perfectly honest it kinda spoiled the experience for me. It will be a beautiful thing when it's done, but the presence of the cranes and safety nets is not a great look. The first thing I was thinking about was that I would not stay in the world's best, most beautiful hotel even for free, if it's still under construction. But as I said, when it's finished, it will look brilliant as a whole.

We left Barcelona by train and after 4 hours - that felt like forever - we arrived to Pamplona.  We met the group and I could barely believe that there were other 3 Hungarians.

Later I found out from one of the trainers, Ruth that usually only big nations – like Germany or France - , where EVS is more popular are represented by 4 people on a training. So it was an unexpected surprise. In the group we were mostly speaking English to not to exclude anybody, but when we were alone we spoke in Hungarian and it was refreshing, because since I'm here I only use my language when I call or message my family and Hungarian friends.

But to mention the rest of the group as well: it didn't took long to realize that the whole group was awesome and great to hang out with. It's such a shame we only had 6 days to spend together. (So far.)

After arriving to the youth hostel in Alsasua - where we were living during the training - we had the rest of the day full of activities and towards the end of it I was barely able to stay awake due to my short sleep the night before. After we finally could go back to our rooms, me and my new roommate, Danni from Denmark were not exactly optimistic about the week ahead of us. It was probably because some of the activities seemed a little childish and pointless. And we were also very tired. Thankfully things got a lot better by the second day and after that it was a great rest of the week.

We had activities in and around the hostel including games, discussions about the duties and rights of EVS volunteers, group exercises to get to know each other and daily Spanish lessons. We learned about insurance, conflict solving, Youthpass, personal projects, etc.

A memorable day was our third day in Navarra, when we went for a trip in Pamplona. Sightseeing in a beautiful city, a great dinner with tons of food, funny Germans, a former Hungarian EVS volunteer and a great night in one of the bars of Alsasua, where we were regulars during the nights of our training. It was a small place, but it was alright to have some fun after all the daylight activities.

My favorite group activity was easily the intercultural evening, where every volunteer had around 3 minutes to show something interesting about her/his country. Volunteers from the same nations worked in a group.

After some brainstorming we (Hungary) decided that we would make a presentation of an Eastern Monday tradition called Water Throwing / Water Pouring. On this day men go to visit female family members and friends to pour water on them with buckets, water sprays, or cologne in exchange of painted eggs and some alcoholic drink like pálinka. It would take a while to explain the reason behind this tradition, so google it, if you want to know more about it. Also, here is a picture of what it looks like when you do it properly, the old-school way.

Shortly after we decided to go with this idea, we learned from Lucia, a fellow EVS volunteer from Slovakia that a very similar tradition takes place on Eastern Mondays. The main differences seemed to be the type of the drink (tatratea) and the “whipping” of women during water pouring. Don't worry it's not as bad as it sounds, although some women (in both countries) don't like this tradition, that's for sure.

But let me get back to the story: After realizing how similar these traditions were in Slovakia and Hungary, we teamed up with Lucia and the 5 of us presented how the lighter versions of these folk customs look like in reality.

This day also ended with some celebration within the hostel and later in the bar. Obviously.

Our last full day in Alsasua was on Monday and it ended with big fiesta, a long and really good one. :) But this time the bar was only for us and unlike on previous days almost everybody was there from the group. And it was fun, a lot of it.

The night made it completely worth it to almost miss the bus that I had to get on to leave Alsasua in the morning. But Tuesday as a whole just sucked. It was only 6 days since I met the people in the group, but it was awful to say goodbye to them. Even though I appreciate every minute we spent together and I will remember this week forever, but the thought of not seeing these new friends regularly is just awful. Thankfully we are already planning to meet up. I can only hope it will happen soon.

The travel back to Palma was similarly long to the one we had a few days ago to get to Pamplona and our flight was delayed which meant that we only arrived back to our apartment around 1am, but that was just the second worst thing of that day behind saying goodbye. I think what makes it difficult for me to handle this situation is the uncertainty. When you leave your family and old friends behind you know they will be there, when you go back months later, but when you make new friendships with people and you have to leave them after only one week then there is no guarantee at all. And as much as I want to be optimistic, the little “what if...?” still stays in the back of my head.

The first day back in Palma was very different to the previous 6, when we had the company of more than 20 people all day long. Luckily we had some distraction on Wednesday, because we went with Maria Antonia & Xavi to look for a couple of new stuff for the apartment, which is fairly empty at the moment. We managed to get 2 sofas, a little table and a few smaller stuff, so the piso is improving. :)