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leviathans-watching · 4 years

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False Dichotomy // IV: the confession

False Dichotomy: when a situation is presented as ‘either/or’ but there is at least one additional logically valid option

As a childhood friend of Oikawa and Iwaizumi and manager of the Aoba Johsai Boys Volleyball Club, you couldn’t imagine your life without them. You know you like both of them, but you resolve to keep the feelings hidden, knowing staying friends is better than either having to choose one or losing your friendship with them both (an iwaizumi x reader x oikawa smau)

masterlist // III: akaashi’s so pretty // IV: the confession // V: shitty movies

***

“Heads up!” echoed across the gym, and instinctively, you ducked, raising your arms to cover your face. A ball flew over your head, hitting the wall behind you.

“Sorry,” Iwaizumi called, raising his hand in apology. You waved him off, biting back a smile as you toss the ball to Yahaba, who stood by the ball cart. Afternoon practice had started, and the boys were just starting to get warmed up, slowly but surely falling into their respective grooves.

Oikawa and Iwaizumi were working on sets and spikes, while Watari was practicing receives. Makki and Mattsun were paired up with Kunimi and Kindaichi, to do what, you weren’t sure exactly, but there was a ball moving, so you figured you’d let it slide. If it got too ridiculous, Kunimi would bounce, willing to tattle if it meant he got to see the third years getting scolded. The second years were working on jump floats and receives, meaning the gym was busy and more than a little chaotic.

Kyotani wasn’t practicing with anyone, but he rarely did, instead choosing to spike against a wall. You let him be, focusing your attention on Oikawa, who naturally drew your eyes anyway. His lithe body moved, sending a perfect set to Iwaizumi, who smacked it over the net ruthlessly, no hesitation in his movements. The two worked in perfect tandem, each movement concise and purposeful.

It was beautiful.

They were beautiful.

Realizing you were staring, you ducked your head, pretending to jot down some notes. In the bleachers several girls tittered, expressing their awe and admiration to Oikawa, who did nothing to discourage them, instead sending them a flirty smile.

The fans grew louder, and you swore you heard some gasps. Oh to be able to express your admiration as freely as they could, uncaring of any repercussions because they had nothing to lose.

“Oi, Shittykawa!” Iwaizumi barked, waiting impatiently for Oikawa to send another ball to him. Oikawa turned with a pout, ready to start whining, but before he could, Iwaizumi said something you didn’t catch over the rest of the noise, something that made Oikawa straighten, face screwing up in indignition. Those two were so predictable.

When their argument lasted longer than normal, you stood, noting the look Watari was sending you that clearly read ‘a little help here?’.

“Is there a problem?” You asked, inserting yourself between them smoothly. Iwaizumi was sweating, clearly working hard, and wordlessly, you handed him how towel, which he took gratefully.

“Iwa-chan’s being a brute!” Oikawa watched you balefully, trying to earn your sympathies.

“Bullshit!” Iwaizumi objected, rolling his eyes. “Oikawa’s getting distracted and disrupting Watari and I’s practice time.”

Ah, an argument they had had countless times.

Sighing, you pinched the bridge of your nose. “Can we just get back to practice, please? Watari’s waiting.”

“Alright, alright,” Oikawa raised his hands innocently. “But can you toss to me? I’m having a hard time getting the angle right to set for myself.”

If it meant he’d get back to practicing, you’d do anything.

“Alright,” you agreed, and Iwaizumi briefly touched your shoulder, palm burning into your skin, even through your shirt. He gave you a small, rare smile, and you grinned back, heart thumping in your chest.

You struggled daily to stay cool with them. Being best friends for, god, how many years was it now, meant you were all comfortable with each other, meaning physical touches weren’t scarce among you. That didn’t use to be a problem, but now every time one of them hugged you or something, you had to force your blush to stay down, trying to calm your racing heart.

It was inconvenient.

Wiping your hands on your pants, you took the ball Oikawa gave you, getting into position. You had spent many summer nights doing this exact practice with them, so it was easy to send him a toss he could set. Watari got back into position, and soon, the boys were a flurry of movement, the sounds of hitting and spiking echoing around you.

Ducking back to get another ball, you felt eyes on you. Instinctively looking around, you noticed a guy standing in the doorway of the gym, eyes fixed on you. You waved, a bit confused. He was another third year, from a different class. You thought back, trying to remember his name.

Right, it was Morinozuka. Morinozuka Akira.

He returned your wave, waving you over. “Hold on a sec,” you called to Oikawa over your shoulder, heading towards him.

“Can I have a moment of your time?” Morinozuka asked. “I know you’re in practice, but i’s important.”

Looking back to the gym, you noticed Iwaizumi and Oikawa watching, and behind them, Mattsun wiggling his eyebrows. He was such a child.

“Yeah, but it’s gotta be quick,” you eventually agreed, following him as he led you out of the gym toward the courtyard. He stopped, fidgeting with his hands.

“So,” he started. “I know we don’t know each other all that well, but I see you around a lot and really admire your dedication and passion. You seem to really be committed to whatever you do and I really admire that. I just- I really like you and was hoping to get your number.”

A confession? You hadn’t expected that. A blush rose on your cheeks as you took in his words. But even as you blushed, you knew your answer.

“I’m sorry, I can’t return your feelings,” you said softly, and his face fell, making you feel even worse.

“It’s, ah, alright,” he reassured you awkwardly. “I knew it was a long shot.”

“Sorry,” you apologized again. “I really appreciate you trying, though. That takes a lot of bravery.”

“Yeah.” Morinozuka shifted, and you took a few small steps back.

“I really got to get back to practice, but see you around.” You both knew you wouldn’t really see each other around.

“Thanks for taking the time to talk to me,” he bowed slightly, and you had to admire his composure. You hoped he got over it quickly and found a nice person who liked him back.

Turning around, you headed back to the gym, blush still hot on your skin. As you let yourself back in, you felt eyes on you. Without seeing them, you knew it was the third years.

Determinedly picking up your notebook, you headed over to Oikawa and Iwaizumi who were waiting, almost expectantly.

“Alright,” you too initiative, letting your voice bounce around the room. “There’s not much time left for practice, so let’s get moving.” The first years jumped, getting back to practice, and the second years reluctantly followed. Of course, the third years didn’t listen, congregating around you.

“What happened?” Oikawa pressed, slinging an arm around your shoulder. “Iwa-Chan was all worried.”

“I was not,” Iwaizumi insisted, frowning at Oikawa with this look in his eyes. “Asshole.”

“So what did he want?” Oikawa asked again. “Did he want you to tutor him? Beg you to join his club?”

“Confession?” Makki suggested, and Oikawa snorted.

“Right, he wanted to confess to little y/n! The same y/n we’ve seen covered in fruit punch.” The words were mirthful, and you knew he didn’t mean any harm, but still, you pulled back.

“Really? Is it so hard for you to believe someone would like me?”

“Well,” Oikawa faltered, looking to Iwaizumi for help.

“I think Oikawa means it’s hard for us to see someone liking someone like you since you know, we’ve known you for so long,” Iwaizumi tried unhelpfully, and a fash of hurt panged in your chest.

Someone like me?

“I see.” You shrugged Oikawa’s arm off of you completely, pressing your lips together. “I think I’m going to go help the first years now.”

You weren’t sure if you were going to cry or if you were pissed (or both), so you just pushed past them quickly, ignoring the sympathetic look Makki gave you as you walked between him and Mattsun.

“Jeez, what’s with them today?” Oikawa asked, tone colored with confusion. A muted hit reached your ears, and you had the feeling that it for once, wasn’t from Iwaizumi’s hand, as Mattsun groaned “You guys really are dumb sometimes, aren’t you?”

“Yeah,” Makki chimed. “You can’t see, at all, how that could be taken the wrong way?”

“Wrong way? Was there a right way to take it?”

Whatever Iwaizumi said in defense was inaudible, but you weren’t sure if you wanted to hear it.

V: shitty movies

a/n: written part is unbetaed so lmk if there are typos

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#haikyuu #haikyuu smau #seijoh #haikyuu x reader #iwaizumi x reader x oikawa #oikawa x reader #iwaizumi x reader #fanfic #false dichotomy #leviswriting #hq #oikawa tooru #iwaizumi hajime #makki #mattsun

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nonbinaryhatboxghost · 4 years

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Okay, today has been a quiet Saturday morning so far, I have some time, and I like lists. So here is my random (personal) ranking of Star Trek series and movies, out of what I’ve seen, which is everything but seasons 5-7 of Voyager, all of Enterprise, and all of Picard. I’m only counting shows with three or more seasons because it’s easier. But let the record show that I love Lower Decks so far and The Animated Series is actually a blast.

SPOILERS THROUGHOUT

Series Ranking

The Original Series - As influential of a show as it is, I constantly forget how much damn fun the original Trek is. There is an almost Community-like variance in tone and genre throughout the show. And I’m a sucker for a future that embraces primary colors. It is the Trek show I revisit the most so far, and it remains my favorite.

Deep Space Nine - This one comes close, though. It starts out as a solid spinoff with very well-defined characters, and then becomes a big, sprawling epic that had my eyes welling up by the end. It feels more like a sequel to The Original Series than The Next Generation did to me. It dealt with subject matter both different and darker than was expected for the time. It had characters at odds with each other. Religion was explored in a way that balanced brutal honesty with genuine respect. War and the various traumas it induces were acknowledged. And it had “Take Me Out to the Holosuite”. I only finished this one recently but I look forward to watching it again.

Discovery - I was rooting for this show to be good even as it went through so much behind-the-scenes drama during its first two seasons. Even with all of that going on, the show became a fascinating watch as you saw it change from its arguably-too-dark beginnings as a prequel, to the almost Doctor Who-like second season with its joyful embracing of classic Trek, and finally to its current iteration that at long last gives us a Trek show that’s not bound by prequel limitations. Michael Burnham is such a great character and getting to see her arc alone makes this one of my favorite Trek stories. The queer/nonbinary representation also warms my heart.

Voyager - I’m just starting the fifth season, but the show has settled into an interesting groove with its characters. And Voyager’s characters are so damn good that they counterbalance a lot of the show’s early problems. It takes a while for Voyager to realize that the Kazon do not work very well as villains. But once the show realizes that, it begins an upward trajectory in quality that reminds me of Deep Space Nine after it began doing Dominion plots. And Seven of Nine’s effect on the crew dynamic lives up to the hype. Any scene between her and Janeway demonstrates such a unique relationship between captain and crewmate that an episode plot can be meh and still worth it for a scene with those two. Also, Janeway is the best captain character. No other Trek show (that I’ve seen so far) comes close to showing us the weight of leadership like Voyager, and Mulgrew constantly brings it.

The Next Generation - This is my first Trek show. It’s the one that my dad watched. There are several standout episodes to me, but I find myself less drawn to revisiting TNG than the other Trek shows because ultimately it took me too long to understand and care about its cast of characters. If you were to ask me to describe any character from any other Trek show, I would be able to. Ask me to describe a TNG character and I would likely fail to give any good adjectives for any character besides Data and Worf. As iconic as the show is, and as great as it became, it doesn’t have the same pull on me as other Trek shows. But it was the template for the spinoffs that followed, and the portrayal of Picard’s trauma post-Borg assimilation earns its reputation as an all-timer for me.

Movie Ranking

VI: The Undiscovered Country - I’m surprised this one isn’t talked about as much as other Trek movies. It’s a very frank depiction of prejudices and learning to deal with them. It has one of the best Kirk/Spock scenes ever. Christopher Plummer as a Klingon. The ORIGINAL cast credits sign-off (yes, Avengers: Endgame borrowed from this). A score that carefully balances menace with eventual hope. A fun whodunit structure. I could go on and on. It’s just so damn great, and so far the only successful send-off to a Trek crew in any of the movies.

II: The Wrath of Khan - It’s a classic for a reason. I’ve probably rewatched this more than any other Trek movie. You got your great villain, your classic crew beginning to deal with their mortality, an all-timer death scene, a kickass early James Horner score. What more could you want?

The Motion Picture - This is an interesting one. When I first watched it as a teen, I hated it. I agreed with every critique of it being thinly plotted and having an excessive runtime. When I revisited it in my 20s, it became a favorite. It’s Star Trek’s exploration of existential dread, and the struggle to find agency and identity within that dread. It has possibly Jerry Goldsmith’s greatest score. It is the best that the Enterprise has ever looked. This movie envelopes you with eerie and epic imagery, culminating in a finale with interesting philosophical ramifications and a well-earned return to optimism from its crew. This one is criminally underrated.

First Contact - This one is just rock solid all around. The best-ever TNG villains, further exploration of Picard’s trauma from Borg assimilation, Alfre Woodard, Alice Krige, fun action, the genesis of the Federation. It has the best balance of darkness and fun out of all of the Trek movies. It also has a character actually say the words “star trek” in a way that never ceases to make me smile. I don’t know if it’s a good line, but it’s funny regardless.

Beyond - Like The Motion Picture, I initially disliked this upon first viewing. I was still in the middle of watching The Original Series and was in the wrong mindset for this mashup of TOS and Fast & Furious. But it’s one of the most underrated Treks because it’s a perfect balance of the more kinetic action found in the 2010s with a very well-done breakdown of the inherent point and value of Star Trek: learning to be better and move beyond fighting the same battles among ourselves.

IV: The Voyage Home - This one is such a satisfying culmination of the crew’s arc starting in The Wrath of Khan that the joy of the 1980s material is almost just a bonus to me. Nimoy does a good job of keeping things light without disregarding stakes. He gets the best portrayal of the crew’s camaraderie in this and The Search for Spock. And Spock’s reaction to the concept of “exact change” always makes me laugh.

III: The Search for Spock - I revisited this one recently and it held up better than I expected. Seeing the weight of Spock’s death on Kirk in the beginning hits hard. Christopher Lloyd as the Klingon villain is casually one of the best Trek movie villains. And seeing the crew uniting over trying to bring back Spock gives us some of the best on-screen moments of this cast.

Star Trek - One of the reasons I love Beyond so much is that it retroactively makes this one better. I was crazy for this movie when it came out. I was in high school, Star Trek in general was something I was only really aware of because of my dad. But this is the thing that got me into Trek. And as mixed of a bag as it now plays to me, ‘09 Star Trek being a gateway for me to general Trek, combined with the perfect casting of the crew, the excellent Giacchino score, and the emotion of the opening sequence, thankfully makes this one still a blast to revisit.

Nemesis - I have only seen this twice, and both of those times without having seen TNG in its entirety. This was also the very first Trek movie I ever saw. Nostalgia is a factor for why this is higher than the others on the list. Curiosity is another, as I was unaware of Tom Hardy when I watched this, and have no idea what my opinion will be on rewatch. But what I always remembered of this movie was its ending, which even to a novice like myself when I first saw it had an impact.

Generations - There are quite a few great scenes that Stewart gets in this movie. Malcolm McDowell is also great in it. But the whole plot feels too forced for me to get actually swept up in it. And as fun as it is to see Shatner and Stewart share the screen... it ultimately has no impact and leads to a strangely lame death for Kirk.

Insurrection - The idea of Enterprise going rogue against the Federation for forcibly relocating a population for a natural resource is such a good concept... which makes the goofiness and half-baked writing of this entry all the more confusing. All the elements are there, but it feels like the tone was forced to be lighter than the material warranted. It’s frustrating because Frakes’ directing chops that he showed off on First Contact are still visible here. But for whatever reason, this one just falls apart.

Into Darkness - This one is low on the list mainly because it represents almost all the negative traits of the modern blockbuster to me. Darkness without depth, franchise callbacks without substance, and no character development/change by the end. Another reason why Beyond works better as a sequel to ‘09 Star Trek than this one is that Into Darkness feels more like it’s trying to make Star Trek a bigger movie franchise rather than develop this iteration of the Enterprise crew. Nothing and no one is changed by the end of this story.

V: The Final Frontier - It is the most difficult Trek movie to sit through, and yet I can’t call it a disaster. For all of its misfirings on the comedy front (dancing Uhura, for instance), the camping material with Kirk, Spock and McCoy is genuinely great. The premise of its villain being on a quest to find God is ultimately a misfire, but it leads to a very engagingly ridiculous climax centered around the question “What does God need with a starship?” There are far too many undeveloped ideas in this one, but that scene is worth seeing this movie for. At least, now that we know it didn’t kill the franchise, as so many apparently feared when this came out.

#star trek #kyle rants

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dragonrajafanfiction · 4 years

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Dragon Dancer IV: Showdown

In the silence of the elevator, Pompeii held me up. Exhaustion and hunger finally manifested themselves in weakness and trembling. The stress of keeping the secret, my worry for Ru’Yi, my need for Caesar to pick up the phone had finally reached a breaking point. I lay my head against his chest.

“He’s probably blocked the number.” He said

My voice was squeaking and barely audible, still paralyzed by the poison they’d used to silence my Soul Skills. “Don’t you have a phone?”

“I do! But he never picked up when I called. He’s not talked to me since his mother’s funeral.” He looked down at me, regret lining his features. “He saw me get into a car with another woman. He didn’t understand how my life was back then. He does now but... now it’s too late. Now he’s just determined to be the opposite of me.”

Shock flashed like lightning through my heart as I imagined the scene. Pompeii brought another woman to the funeral? How could he do something like that?

Pompeii let me stand up on my own. “Even though I cared for him more than any of my other children, I accepted how he felt. I never pushed to get close to him. Once Caesar’s made up his mind about you, it’s very hard to change it. I had to content myself to standing and supporting him from a distance.”

I nodded, understanding both sides here. Would Caesar have despised me if I lived the life the Gattusos wanted? Unlikely. He would have pitied me as a woman. He always held men to a higher standard. “We have to try... we have to try everything.”

As the elevator stopped, the reports of gunshots rang through the double sliding doors. Pompeii stood in front of me, his eyes blazing yellow and I put on the sunglasses again. My eyes were still spotty from the flash earlier.

The elevator opened to the sight of slithering bronze servitor bodies, slick with both their blood and the blood of their victims. The army of highly trained elite hybrids guarding the monastery faced off with them with pistols, but at best, they could only knock them back.

Servitors were powerful enough to rip a cow in half, armed with razor sharp teeth and claws and muscular tails, they left halls of the monastery covered in blood which they licked up with their forked tongues.

Pompeii let out a tremendous shout and a bow wave of blue light shot from his body with enough voltage to kill a hundred elephants, paralyzing the monsters and felling them, stiff and screeching on the floor.

“Run! Go!” He seized my hand and we sprinted forward, slipping on blood and dismembered body parts as we headed back towards Pompeii’s apartment.

The servitors that were on the ground rose again, claws making grooves in the marble. They had a remarkable recovery time, barely phased even by that amount of electricity.

“They’re drawn by your blood!” I didn’t know if he could hear me, but he probably already knew the blood oozing from his injury in the basement was a liability. Servitors were driven mad by the smell of hybrid blood. The purer it was, the more potent the lure.

He stopped running and pulled me forward, throwing me in front of him. “The Code is 1911! The phone us in the desk drawer as you come in. Go! I’ll hold them off!”

I didn’t look back. I ran in a desperate panic, the door to his room feeling too far away. Fear made me fumble the knob. I pushed when I should have pulled. When got it open, I ran inside, shut the door and leaned against it a moment, trying to catch my breath.

Just then, a force slamming against the door sent me flying onto the carpet. Golden claws pierced the wood and ripped the door off its hinges. The servitor rose up, its serpent body forming an S-curve.

But just as it launched, Pompeii flew like an eagle, both feet forward, face fierce like an animal’s, kicking it in the head.

This was the father that Caesar despised? I shook myself and got to the desk and entered the code on the phone. It opened to an eyeburning image of Pompeii and a woman on full frontal display that made me recoil in disgust. “Pompeii! Why would you do this?!”

I fumbled to get to the contacts. “Where’s his number! I can’t find it!” He didn’t hear me.

I walked out of the apartment to see dead servitors lining the halls. Pompeii, his robe torn with nothing underneath was grappling with a servitor, shocking it repeatedly, its skin smoking and cracking and smelling of fish. I waved the phone. “What’s the number under?”

He looked up at me. “Filius!”

How was I supposed to know that?” I reentered the room and called. This time, the number went through to voice mail. It wasn’t ideal but ... I did my best to gasped out a voiceless message.

“Caesar! It’s Meixiu! I mean... It’s Carli! I have to tell you something! Nono! They’re going to kill Nono!” I forced air through a dead voicebox, praying in vain that something might come out. “She’s in Tokyo with the Hydras and they’re going to kill all the Japanese Hybrids and make it look like Nono was killed in the fighting! They’ll make it look like an accident!”

Pompeii charged into the room and grabbed me. “Did you reach him?”

“It’s just his voice mail...”

“Not enough. Keep trying!” I turned and looked and more servitors were coming up the halls with rabid grinning faces.

“There’s too many of them.” He started to drag me away but now had a slight limp. A piece of the back of his leg was missing!

If he died, I was a sitting duck.

“The main hall is the most fortified area of the monastery and those old ghouls may be dusty but they’re powerful hybrids.” He said.

I held the phone to my ear and kept it ringing. The servitors were pursuing us pulling themselves along by their hands their mouths open and eager, their eyes golden and focused on us.

As we approached the main hall, I heard an echoing noise. A hollow sound of a hammer knocking on wood. Tok. Tok. Tok.

The Servitors halted their advance suddenly and turned around, looking confused. My heart screamed in an explosion of terror. Herzog’s woodblock!

"POMPEII!”

My voice wasn’t working but the intensity of the fear that tore from my throat turned his head. He took the phone from me, put it to his ear, and abruptly stopped.

The twelve elders lay slumped over on their thrones. Each one had his throat neatly slit. I was just like the scene from the basement of the Genji Heavy Industries building. The blood was still warm and running down the steps and over the marble, the smell of it filled the room.

At this moment, Caesar’s voice was heard through the phone. “The hell do you want.”

Pompeii smiled and shoved me hard, so I staggered away from him and fell. “Check your voice mail for that. I won’t be here long, son. I’m just glad I got to hear your voice in the end.”

“The hell are you saying? What’s going on?”

“Caesar... I lo...-”

I blinked and between the time I closed my eyes and opened them, the handle of a knife had appeared in Pompeii’s throat. He smiled and sighed, lowering his hand. The cellphone slipped from his grip. A fountain of red bloomed from this throat and he collapsed, like a puppet that had its strings suddenly cut mid performance.

From the phone, I could hear Caesar’s voice shouting, but the phone suddenly shattered.

I didn’t see Shinnosuke approach me. I only saw the burst of sparks when he collided with an electric field I didn’t realize Pompeii had surrounded me with. He snarled in pain and vanished again, like a vengeful from hell. I turned to run and he was in front of me.

I staggered back. He was holding Ru’Yi. There was no light in his eyes. He took no pleasure this. In fact, the intense stare as his body shivered with the electric charge told me that Pompeii’s last stand had really hurt.

And now he was mad.

I found myself bound my hands behind my back. He twisted my wrists so hard I feared they might break.

“You still can’t scream. Good.” Shinnosuke’s breath whispered past my ear

I trembled, facing Pompeii’s body now, watching the running red pool gather beneath him very slowly. Behind him was the door and in the door, rushing towards me in slow motion, was Chu Zihang.

Spider Fang was drawn and angled at Shinnosuke. But he was moving so slowly, it hadn’t registered in his eyes that I had been placed in front of him as human shield.

“You know, the wonderful thing about Time Zero...? Is that you can arrange people... like props on a set. And then like a director, say Action! To see the chaos unfold.”

“Look at him. Look at his rage. How much he loves you. I believe killing you will probably kill him as well. Perhaps afterwards, he will end his own life.”

I swallowed against the swelling in my throat. I loved him too so much. But we had talked about this earlier. That love could no longer be the most important thing right now.

Too many people were dead. Shinnosuke would go to Tibet with that Woodblock sound and set him and Erii on the world. Then... in control of the Secret party, Shinnosuke would conquer humanity.

In the face of this result, our love was inconsequential.

My dragonblood burned like a furnace, I called on it with all my strength. It no longer mattered to me to stay human. I had to use my dragonvoice now, even if it meant losing myself as a servitor.

I felt the knot in my throat unwind as the dragon blood increased my body’s potential, overruling the powerful poison that had held me captive. Scales bubbled up from my skin in a sudden rash. My round brown eyes burned gold and the pupils squeezed in to sharp slits.

“Berengeria!”

The golden light of the ethereal spear lit my face, pointed toward my own body. When it rammed through me and the man behind me, we both screamed at once.

It was the same tactic that Herzog had used against me in the Red Well. Pinned by Chisei’s sword, I couldn’t escape without killing myself and I couldn’t save my child. But now, were both pinned, like meat on a skewer. Once he said ‘Action’, and Time Zero was released, Zihang’s sword would pierce us both.

“You bitch! You little bitch!”

I smiled, feeling his fist pound against my back. But he could no longer free himself. I looked into Zihang’s eyes. Kill the bastard. Don’t worry about me.

In that moment, I heard Ru’Yi cry. And Zihang vanished.

A tremendous rush of air blew past me followed by a sharp crack. I was free of Shinnosuke’s grip on me. Ru’Yi was suddenly in my arms. I staggered away, falling to my knees in weakness and confusion. I lay the baby on the ground and wrapped my arm against the blood coming from my abdomen.

Ru’Yi’s eyes were golden. She lay still and smiling, like a wise old woman.

The air around us was filled with blurry dark streaks that vaguely showed the shapes of two men, locked in combat. A severed hand suddenly appeared out of nowhere, spinning along the floor and leaving a crimson spiral pattern.

Shinnosuke lay on the ground. He kicked in a circle, howling and holding a bloody stump. Chu Zihang hauled him by his collar, sliced upward, and severed his other arm. He lifted him, tossed him into the air and made a full circle cut. Spider fang moved through both Shinnosuke’s legs as if cutting through tofu.

Within seconds, Shinnosuke was reduced to a screeching bleeding torso. I gripped Ru’Yi to my chest..

“Time Zero? How are you using Time Zero?!”

Eyes burning with an light colder than the polar arctic, Zihang responded by angling the sword downward and plunging into the man’s chest, again and again, until blood gurgled like a fountain from his mouth. He then neatly severed his head.

With an expert flick, he cleared the blood from the blade and hurried to my side, engulfing me in a fierce hug. Only then to Ru’Yi and I began cry. He removed my shirt and pressed it against my wound. He was shaking so hard the sweat flew from the ends of his hair.

I turned to the pale form of Pompeii, tears clouding my vision. I wanted to tell Caesar I was sorry. I was sorry this happened.

“Ru’Yi used Time Zero...” Zihang finally said, using his belt to secure my shirt to my injury. “You’re healing so quickly. You’ll be okay in a few minutes.”

He lifted my chin and looked into my eyes. “Blood Rage...”

I smiled at those beautiful golden pupils. “Stage Five.” I gave him a thumbs up.

“You have to release. You’ll go servitor.”

“I know.” I looked down at my hands they were twisting up, claws pushing out from the tips.

“The wound’s closed enough. Release, Meixiu!”

The urgency in his voice made me hiccup. I gathered my ebbing mental strength, speaking the dragon word to suppress my blood. It raged like a fire in me and for a moment, I couldn’t hear or see or think for the pain. But Zihang didn’t let me go, holding me despite the power coursing through my veins increasing my strength ten fold.

The scales lowered back into regular human skin, my eyes turned back to their normal color. Exhaustion set in for both of us. The only living things left in the massive hall, the sound of our own breathing echoed in the walls.

We were alive. Ru’Yi used Time Zero and we were alive. Chu Zihang’s heart beat against my ear. His chest rose and fell. He was warm. This was so very real, despite how incredible it was that we could be saved by our own child. But if it was a dream, I didn’t want to wake up ever again.

The clicking of heels on the hard marble floor broke the silence. A woman’s frustrated sigh, and a voice. “I hate to rush you, but we have almost no time.”

The voice was familiar. My eyes opened and a woman with blue eyes and cascading blond hair stared down at me.

Su Enxi...

What was she doing here?

#Dragon Raja #Fanfiction #Writing #Chu Zihang #Caesar Gattuso

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thesunnyshow · 4 years

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Name: reya

Writing Blog URL(s): @chu-ni

Age: 19

Nationality: african-british

Languages: english, swahili, korean

Star Sign: libra

MBTI: enfp/entp (it always changes lol)

Favorite color: purple!

Favorite food: i really love chicken burgers

Favorite movie: princess and the frog

Favorite ice cream flavor: vanilla!!

Favorite animal: elephants

Go-to karaoke song: fancy - twice

Coffee or tea? What are you ordering? caramel frappe with whipped cream, in general i prefer tea though

Dream job (whether you have a job or not)? secretary general at the UN….or an author

If you could have one superpower, what would you choose? making anyone agree with me and do what i want them to do

If you could visit a historical era, which would you choose? ancient egypt!!

If you could restart your life, knowing what you do now, would you?.....no.

Would you rather fight 100 chicken-sized horses or one horse-sized chicken? neither if i could lmfao but i’d go for 100 chicken sized horses

If you were a trope in a teen high school movie, what would you have been? the nerd who’s actually really pretty after she gets a cool makeover

Do you believe in aliens/supernatural creatures? im not sure about aliens, but i definitely believe in ghosts and spirits.

What are some small things that make your day better? when i can have moments to myself to enjoy my own company. or when someone asks me what i want to eat and they bring it for me 🥺

Fun fact about yourself that not everyone would know? uhm…...probably the fact that i write fanfiction lol..but outside of that! i sing in the shower. and i talk to myself a lot.

What fandom(s) do you write for? nct dream currently, but in the future i want to expand to other groups!

When did you post your first piece? 17th of June 2018.

Do you write fluff/angst/crack/general/smut, combo, etc? Why? i can never write just one genre. predominantly i write fluff with a dash of angst for spice simply because i love a story that has an issue and then having that issue be resolved for a happy ending. when i started my blog i was 17, and so i said i wouldn't write smut. now that i'm older im feeling more and more comfortable writing suggestive content at the very LEAST.. so maybe in the future i might write smut, who knows? i like writing fluff because i like making people feel good, but i like adding angst to it because i feel like the contrast between the two is very *chefs kiss* to me.

Do you write OCs, X Readers, Ships...etc? i only write x readers!

Why did you decide to write for Tumblr? i first got tumblr when i was 13 years old and i was a fresh kpop fan lmfao. i wanted somewhere that shared my interests. of course i discovered x reader fics on here and i was in awe, i guess of how much power writers had in contributing to fandom content and keeping readers satiated. i’d always loved to write and so i’d always wanted to start my own writing blog, and for 2 years i did write for other blogs! it wasnt until 2018 that i finally took the leap and decided to start my own, because i wanted to impact people's emotions and take them on a journey through my writing.

What inspires you to write? what inspires me….teen movies, music!! music is a big one for me, and also the books that i read. i also grew up playing otome games so the plots and writing from those influence my writing a lot.

What genres/AUs do you enjoy writing the most? i really enjoy writing royalty!aus as well as exes!aus. i love to do them cause they require me to build a world and with royalty aus specifically i love weaving together bits of political intrigue, or arranged marriages, etc. its so much fun!!

What do you hope your readers take away from your work? that if this world is too rough or too much, you can always escape from it. it might not be physical, but immersing yourself in a universe that's entirely different for a little while can help soothe you.

What do you do when you hit a rough spot creatively? usually i try and take breaks. the problem with that is that my breaks can go on for longer than i’d like and im trying to fix that. so my other solution is to read read read!! read as much as i can, or go back to books that i loved. ask myself what i liked about the writing, what are some parts that i thought were amazing examples of good writing - i note them down then see if i can apply that to my own work. another thing i do is take a break from writing my longer, fleshed out works and write blurbs! blurbs are a great way for me to write but not feel like its tedious because i don't have to spend as much time on them and it gets me into the groove of writing without feeling stressed out.

What is your favorite work and why? Your most successful? my favourite piece of work is miscommunication. it took me months to write that, even after i lost all the work halfway through, and its the longest piece of work i have written so far, so its kinda like my baby. my most successful is candy jar. its also the work i owe my blog exposure to - it was the first piece i published, and it was also the first piece of writing i did in around 4 years.

Who is your favorite person to write about? i don't have much out for them, but i really enjoy exploring mark’s and jeno’s characters. they're people, but in my work i enjoy analysing them and judging how they’d act in different contexts.

Do you think there’s a difference between writing fanfiction vs. completely original prose? the only difference for me is that fanfiction (depending on the fandom) has some of the stuff fleshed out for you already, such as the world its in. if youre the type to write AUs then the only thing you already have is the characters - the planning, the writing, the drafting, and everything else is still the writer's responsibility. therefore there isn't much of a difference between the two for me.

What do you think makes a good story? a good story, to me, is one that takes me on a journey. it could be any genre, but i like to feel immersed and connected to the characters and the world in it. also aside from the obvious, like good grammar, a good story feels natural to read. i don't feel like skim reading half of it.

What is your writing process like? my writing process consists of me getting inspiration - usually from a song, or a film or a book ive read or a game ive played - i note down my idea and who i want the story to be about, and then bullet point the whole story, with some snippets of particular dialogue i want the reader or the other person to say at certain scenes. i then open another document ( i have a writing app on my phone, called werdsmith, so i use that!) and set a word count goal i want to hit so i can track my progress and start writing the fic, with fleshed out language and exposition. when im done (usually after a couple weeks up to a few months, depends on the length of the plan) i read through it to fix any mistakes, then i transfer it to docs so i can read it again and italicise any areas i feel need it.

Would you ever repurpose a fic into a completely original story? i...don't think so. mainly because the original fiction i read and would like to write for myself is predominantly fantasy, whereas the fanfic i write on my blog is usually non-idol, normal fics.

What tropes do you love, and what tropes can’t you stand? im a SUCKER for enemies to lovers, royalty ofc, “and they were roommates”, and i think superhero aus are really cool but there isnt enough of them :( idol/you as member aus....not feeling her… also abo/werewolf/vampire aus….not feelin em

How much would you say audience feedback/engagement means to you? a LOT. a HUGE amount!! i said before how i like giving my readers somewhere where they can immerse themselves as an escape, even for a short while. hearing about how my work affected them, made them feel, makes me feel less insecure about what im writing and thus more confident to publish it.

What has been one of the biggest factors of your success (of any size)? i’d say reblogs. and also putting out more content. when i first uploaded candy jar i went to my one of my favourite writers (jaeminlore) and asked her if she'd be okay with reading it and giving feedback. to my surprise she loved it and her reblogging it to all her followers is literally what gave me a bunch of followers all of a sudden who loved what i’d written. to keep that momentum i created more and more content, and while i haven't uploaded as often as i've wanted to or written as much as i’d wanted to, i can say i have a good amount of work on my masterlist for people who are looking for more to read.

Do you think fanfic writers get unfairly judged? 100%. fanfic has an unfair reputation for just having bad writing and cringey fics (and i feel like this is because of the way society views the demographics who predominantly consume and create it), when in reality i feel like those who write fanfiction are extremely talented and selfless people. they're on the internet creating content for free for people to enjoy and like any other work of art they're putting time and effort into it. i think it should be respected. any form of art is going to have its good and bad sides.

Do you think art can be a medium for change? hmmm….yes. i feel it can be a way to reflect the thoughts of people and also be a way to inspire people to do more.

Do you ever feel there are times when you’re writing for others, rather than yourself? sometimes. sometimes i feel like i'm forcing myself to write because i feel like if i don't then people will forget about me or they’ll forget about my blog. while what i choose to write about is for me, i feel like the speed of my writing and what im writing isn't to the quality i want it to be cause i feel like i gotta get it out for people to read.

Do you ever feel like people have misunderstood you or your writing at times? i've never felt that way!

Do your offline friends/loved ones know you write for Tumblr? only 2 of my friends know, and i only told them like. a week ago!

What is one thing you wish you could tell your followers? i wish you guys would message me more! i'm quite a sociable person, and i’d love to have regular anons who talk to me 👉🏽👈🏽

Do you have any advice for aspiring writers who might be too scared to put themselves out there? i think one common thing amongst all writers is that we write what we want to read. so don't feel like nobody's gonna read your work, cause somebody will. you gotta act like your work is top tier even if someone says it isn't - always write the best you can, and just do it! like don't even give yourself time to overthink it, write that fic, make it look pretty, upload it onto tumblr and do not be afraid to ask your favourite fic writers to read your work once its up!! i’d be happy to read and give feedback for any fic writers as well so don't feel afraid!

Are there any times when you regret joining Tumblr? ive been on here for 7 years….i grew up on this site lmfao. but i don't think i regret joining tumblr once.

Do you have any mutuals who have been particularly formative/supportive in your Tumblr journey? shes not very active anymore and i miss her very much but user hyuck-s was so supportive and i love her!!

Pick a quote to end your interview with:

she believed she could, so she did.

BONUS ROUND: K-POP CONFIDENTIAL

#@chu-ni #thesunnyshow #featuredauthor #episode 32 #nct dream

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sleepymccoy · 4 years

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hey!! from your post: say three nice things about yourself (three physical and three non-physical so....6??).

Haha, yeah that’s about six!

Alright, three physical

1. I fucking love my hair. Firstly, when I was in London when I was like 13 I dyed it maroon (cos i was on holiday and 13) and noticed a distinct drop in adult men flirting with me. It’s a messy desire, but i like being liked, so i stay blonde now! Also, I cut it myself and get mates to do my undercut. I swing by a hairdresser once every year or so to make sure it’s still okay. It always looks good, it’s just the sorta thick, wavy hair that sits well no matter how i hack at it

2. Apparently I have “a fucking perfect hourglass shape, what the fuck, shannon?” according to a good friend of mine. I think she needed my measurements for a shirt she was taking in for me or something. But yeah, I hadn’t thought that of myself until it was said so frankly, but it’s been a few years now and yeah, I’ve got that perfect hourglass figure. I don’t dress for it, but it’s there

3. oof i dunno. My eyes are pretty cool, they’re that zone between blue and green where they kinda changed based on what clothes i’m wearing. that’s cool

Non physical

1. I’m a kickass dancer. I went to dance classes for like 18 years (and yoga!) and now i deeply enjoy going to a bar and having a late night groove. I also legit watch myself in the window at night at home to see how i look, so i know what moves look sexy or not, and i’m always really enjoying myself so i look happy and fuckable! it’s good fun

2. I know how to apologise. I had to work on that and i’m proud of it. I have forced out my parent’s habits and can be told when i’ve made a mistake without getting defensive. I listen, i take time to consider what someone is saying to me, and i figure out what resolution i want from this and find the words for it. I think my friendships are infinitely stronger because of this work ive done on myself, my mates tell me when i’ve been a shit head and i take it well, so they do the same if i come to them w something. It’s brilliant, i recommend it.

3. Oh god okay keeping it to three is harder here, cos i really do like myself actually! I think i’m funny, i love my taste in music, i try to be kind and so i am! i’m a decent cook, nothing special but i eat well and i’m flexible w it. i like my style of dress, it’s mainly menswear but i still look like a woman so i’m really into the quiet genderfuck i’ve landed on. I love the people in my life and i respect them all so much and i think that reflects well on me, because i’m the sort of person who’s chosen them to spend time with (and they’ve chosen me in turn, but i have more impact on what i choose) and i think they’re brilliant, so i must have a pretty good eye for it

Oh, mate, this was a really nice one to answer

#and now onto a whole load of audio editing #sleepy speaks #gsh cycling puts me in a good mood

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unfortunatematchups · 4 years

Text

its been real, guys.

this blog came to be because four people had a shared passion and wanted to make something out of it. maybe the amount of love we had to this blog wasnt all equal, some of us loved homestuck and writing match ups more than the others.

but as this blog ages, so does our love for homestuck. with homestuck 2 absolutely destroying everything ive come to love about homestuck, ive found that i actually have a weaker grasp and understanding on the characters than i actually do. i can no longer find myself able to match people accurately to my liking.

ive done all i could, really, genuinely, truthfully and painfully. ive done my best not to let homestuck 2, beyond the absolute garbage fire of what i cant bring myself to consider canon, affect how i see and feel about the kids. the trolls havent suffered much slander on their part, not yet anyway. i still love the trolls i love, but the same cant be said for the kids. knowing that this is how the kids turn out to be is crushing and ruins everything ive come to know and love about the characters, even if i never liked some of them that much anyway.

its like watching or reading a horrifying scene or truth about something you love. it taints the image and starts to make you really doubt just whether or not you really knew that thing you claim to love. throughout homestuck 2 ive just been asking myself, ‘is this really the same story?’

i probably shouldnt let some botched writing ruin my perception of what i love. but the damage has been done. theres no point in me writing the characters as they were in homestuck, pretending that what they do in homestuck 2 didnt happen. the final statement is that homestuck 2 hurt the love i had for homestuck, and while im upset that i let it do so, theres nothing i can do. im not going to try and revitalise the passion i had. ive better things to obsess over, and i refuse to waste it on homestuck.

im writing this so that any of you following this blog or have the intent to can see this and reevaluate whether or not you really want to follow or keep following. right now theres nintey-four people following, and id be lying if i said i wasnt surprised by how many people actually like the stuff were making.

a part of why im making the grand decision to close this blog is because its run its course. like my previous post stated, im the only one still writing for it. the other writer has other shit going on and so do i. im not going to force the other mods to write for this blog, and neither am i going to force myself to choke out something. i know when something is dying, and i know when to let it rest. the last post i made, i still had a little bit of fight left in me. i thought that if someone came in with a stupid good request, it would reignite that flame and let me get back into the groove of writing. it didnt. theres a lovely five part request that gives me plenty of inspiration, but i was kidding myself.

by the time id made that post, i think its safe to say that most of us lost that spark of adrenaline we had in the beginning. there was a slim chance i was going to keep it running, and the wheel didnt land on it.

i thought i knew the characters. and maybe i do, but not as closely as i once did. i no longer have the ability to write up something that matches bits and pieces of both personalities together to form a complete, satisfying puzzle. im just staring at a paragraph of bullshit that i cant string together long enough to properly read it, let alone make a response to it. im losing whatever investment i put into homestuck, and its showing. i havent even thought about homestuck all that much in these few months. thats not to say i wont still love john, dave and equius, but they take less space in my heart than they used to.

another part of why im closing this blog is so i wont have to have it nagging at the back of my mind. since february ive always kept this blog in the back of my mind, checking in on it once every few weeks to see if theres a new ask or follow. and there is. people are still following this blog, waiting for a response, waiting for the content that this blog provided. im not going to lie, there probably wont be. maybe i can refurbish it for something else, but as of now, this blog is going to be left alone.

thats all. thanks for taking the time to read this. theres no proper way to explain why this blog is closing, so this is the best i can and will do. its been real, and im glad i could make some people happy with the matches.

to mod spaghetti, thanks for checking in on this blog from time to time, giving ur lil posts here and there, and helping with some of the matches. stay vibin, cryptid.

to mod pie, thanks for writing those non homestuck requests. i dont know how to comfort people, so i hope the memes im sending you help, even if by a little. keep vibin with ur nasty owo shit

and to mod tamago. thanks for those late night editing sessions where i would just vomit words and youd clean up the mistakes. who knew i made so many, huh? heres to hopefully getting any grade above c for our future modules.

#homestuck #mod olio #not matchup #last post?#unlikely #for now?#absolutely

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kweebtrash · 6 years

Text

Dom(me)s Aren’t Built In a Day: Johnny Vers. (M)

Pairing: Johnny X Reader

Features: Choking/Breath play, restraints, spanking/paddling, cock rings, Switch!Johnny, bratty behavior, oral sex/69, light scratching/biting, rough sex, established relationship and some fluffy shit because i couldn’t resist

Genre: Slight Angst, Smut.

Word Count: 7.3k

A/N: So I kinda got carried away with this one. And i was going to make Johnny a sub all the way but the story took it’s own course. Anon I really hope you like this because i love it! I’m so much better writing kink than fluff lol. Thanks Anon <3

DABIAD Mini Series Masterlist

My hands slid underneath the hem of his shirt, feeling the warm skin and firm muscles underneath. I dug my nails in ever so slightly when his hand grabbed my ass forcing me closer to his body. I sighed softly into his kiss, wanting more and hungry to feel him deeper.

“You wanna go to the bedroom?” I smirked as i laid open mouth kisses on his neck.

“I guess…”

He guessed?? “What do you mean you guess?”i asked.

He shrugged and diverted his eyes. “If you wanna…”

“Well it's not really consensual if you dont want to.”

“I'll do it for you.”

I pushed Johnny off of me and got up from the couch. “Just say you fuckin’ dont want to. Damn.”

It had been like this. For weeks now. Apathetic, mediocre. Trying to get a groove back that seemed to have faded already. We had been dating for almost a whole year now, and when it first began it was like we set the whole world ablaze. Every moment with him was ecstatic and filled me with feelings of lust, love, and happiness all at once. Yet lately it seemed like he didn't even want to touch me. I was shocked when he initiated the make out session, even a little turned on to be grinding on the couch like horny teenagers. But even that little bit of a spark disappeared within minutes. And now I knew for sure that he was just doing it to try and please me. Not that him rutting unenthusiastically into me made it feel good.

I had plenty of thoughts running through me head. Was he cheating? Did he fall out of love with me? Was he sick? Medical issue? Depression? He wasn't talking to me and that made me even more worried. How did we even get to this point?

I went over to his bedroom and sat down on the edge of the bed. A few moments later he was in the doorway, hands shoved deep into his pockets. “I'm sorry…” He said quietly. He was hiding behind his dark brown bangs, shyer than he normally was.

“What is going on with you? You're never like this and you wont talk to me about anything! When did that start happening?” i let out a frustrated sighed as my mind went to that place again. “Are you….are you cheating on me?”

Johnny’s head snapped up instantly. “What? No! Fuck no! I would never. Why would you think that?”

“I DONT KNOW! You’re not talking! Tell me what's going on then!” i couldn't help the angered tone in my voice.

“It's nothing! Nothing's wrong i just…” He shrugged. “I guess I'm in a funk or something. I don't know. I was hoping it would go away but it hasn't.” He rubbed the back of his neck and groaned. “Dont worry about it ok? I'll figure it out.”

“Figure it out…” I scoffed. “So you've been ‘figuring it out’ by yourself for weeks and you've become reclusive and it feels like you're repulsed by me.”

“Don't be so fucking dramatic. I'm not repulsed by you. Nothing wrong with you. Just let me do this by myself.”

“Fine.” I got up from the bed and pushed past him. “You can call me whenever you ‘figure it out’.” i rushed to grab my bag and keys from by the couch and went over to the door.

“Yeah, thanks for being understanding!!” He screamed after me. “Selfish ass!!”

I guess I was being selfish. It wasn't really about the sex...part of it was of course but what the hell was he hiding? I had spent various nights crying, going days without a call or text, even though he was posting his photography on instagram. It seemed like he was going on without me. That was until one night he finally broke the silent vow that had manifested between us.

“I'm sorry. I really wanna see you. I miss you.” i heard him breathe into the phone.

“Are you drunk?” i sighed.

“Yeah but it's fine. I know what i'm saying. Come over.”

“I'm not going over while you're drunk. Where even are you?” I could hear loud noises in the background and people screaming over each other.

“Out. Please. Meet me at my place. You still have the key dont you?”

“Yeah but-”

“Let me fuck you.”

No. That was bad. Very very very bad. And i should not go over there. I got up and grabbed my keys, swiftly putting on my shoes and making a terrible decision.

When i got to his place he was already pushing me against the door, his mouth overwhelming mine and hands roaming everywhere. I was clawing at his clothes, practically tearing them away. He looked amazing. Tight jeans that accentuated his firm ass, black shirt that was now tossed aside and heated muscles that drove me to open my legs instantly. He grabbed my arm and dragged me to the bedroom, pushing me onto the bed and crawling on top of me. My breaths were coming out so hard that my lungs were starting to burn. The only thing i could think about was him making me cum. Just please make me cum. Ive missed you so much, Johnny. So much.

I couldnt say what i was thinking. I was too busy pulling him closer to the heat between my thighs, wanting to ride his face until the sun came up. My hand was digging into his scalp while his were on my breasts, squeezing and kneading as he rained kisses over my lower stomach. I shoved off my sweatpants and panties, eliciting a growl from his hungry lips. “Fuck Johnny….please.”

He grabbed my hips with a smirk, yanking me towards him and moving up to swallow my lips again in sinful twists and turns of his tongue. “I'll get to you in a minute, baby i promise.”

I whimpered wantonly. “Don't keep me waiting. Ive missed you so much.”

He licked my lips and groaned. “Fuck, me too. You feel so damn good and i'm not even inside you yet.” He trailed his lips to my neck biting down hard against the sensitive skin as his denim clad cock ground into my center. My hands raked up his back, stopping right at the base of his neck. I arched into him, returning the rolls of his hips as gasps of pleasure fell from me. “Choke me.”

I stopped then and there. “What?”

“Choke me. For the love of god, fuckin’ choke me.” He took my hand in his, placing it on his neck as his eyes sealed shut, waiting.

I pulled away, sitting up slightly. “Johnny! That's dangerous!”

“No, it"s fine. Please just do it. It'll get me off.”

My eyes went wide and i scrambled away from him. “I-i cant do that. That's just…”

“Why not? It's easy. Just do it.”

“You could stop breathing! I'm not gonna kill you.”

“Exactly! It wont kill me! You're not gonna hurt me. Just…” He looked at me, eyes dark and pleading.

“I cant. Im sorry. I...i knew this was a bad idea. I have to go.” i quickly grabbed my pants and pulled them on. He didnt even try to stop me. He just sat there, head hung low and hand clenched around the sheets. I rushed out of there fast, my heart still racing with nervousness. I had never been asked that before and for Johnny to even suggest that...was that what he was wanting before? Why he was so distant? I just...i couldn't do that to him no matter how badly he wanted it. My heart hurt now...maybe we werent exactly made for each other after all.

A month had passed and we still were barely talking. I wasnt ready to move on but...maybe it was time. He was on my mind everyday and i also continuously wondered if maybe he had found someone else. Someone who could do what he wanted. We had arranged to meet at his place again. I was going to get my things and probably break it off for good. As I drove to his apartment i willed myself not to start crying. I had to be strong. This was for the best. Maybe not for me but maybe for him. In my head I tried to convince myself that I wanted him to be happy even if it was with someone else. But it wasn't really working.

When i got to the front door and knocked there was no answer. He knew I was coming...he had to be home. I sent him a text and waited. Minutes passed and still no answer. I still had the key to his place -i had planned to give it back to him today- but i didnt want to burst in there. It seemed rude now since we were so distant. But he still wasn't answering. I reluctantly set the key in the lock and went inside. The place was dark, there was only a dim light coming from his bedroom. “Johnny?” I called out.

Still no response. Now i was starting to get worried. I went over to his bedroom, the door wide open, and i could see him lying in bed fully naked with his cock in his fist. His laptop was beside him and his headphones in his ears which would explain why he hadn't heard anything. My face was bright red and i panicked. I had no idea if I should stop him or not. I almost didn't want to. He looked so...damn good. The way his chest was rising and falling, his legs tensing and hips bucking with each pass of his hand over the tip of his cock. I dared to step a little closer to him and i noticed the video that was playing on his laptop. Of course it was porn but stuff that we had never watched together. The man was tied up, rope decorating his skin in intricate patterns, his mouth gagged shut and a blindfold over his eyes. There were marks all over his backside, most likely the branding from the tall amazonesque women dressed in latex behind him. She was holding a thin rod of what looked like maybe wood in her gloved hands and he was begging her for more. She complied, landing another hard whip from the cane making him cry out. When the wood landed on skin, Johnny's body tensed, his breath hiccuping for a moment before he licked the dryness from his lips. His cock was leaking now, the sound of wet skin on skin coming to my ears.

I swallowed hard and reached out to him, setting my hand on his sweat slicked chest. His eyes shot open and he jumped up quickly, yanking the headphones out his ears and slamming the laptop shut. “Jesus!! Dont you knock!?” he pulled a pillow over his lap and glared up at me.

“I did!! I knocked, i texted you, and i called out to you! You're the one with headphones jacking off to…that stuff…”

His face flushed a bit and he got up from him bed trying to making his way over to his bathroom. “Why are you here?!”

“We agreed for me to come over and get my stuff! Don't you remember?”

He groaned. “Shit...that was today?”

“I thought that's what we said!” i shifted my feet a bit. “Sorry, i came in with the key. I didnt want to but you didnt answer and...well…”

He pushed his hair back briefly wiping the sweat from his forehead. “It's fine...it's my fault. Um…” He looked down at the pillow that he was clutching tighter. “I'm gonna uh...you know.”

“Finish?”

“What?! N-no! I mean not while you're here now! That's like...weird.” He said.

“Why? I mean I know why but i've seen your dick like...hundreds of times.”

“Yeah but we're…”

“What are we exactly?” I asked.

He looked down at his feet. “I dont know. I thought you hated me.”

“Hate? No! I thought that...i thought a lot of things. I thought you didnt want to be with me because i was scared to choke you. I thought that maybe sex was that important to you and then it made me feel like shit.”

“i felt like shit when you thought it was weird. And i'm sorry about the choking thing. Me being drunk and springing it on you wasn't the best way to go about it. I'm glad we didn't have sex that night.” He replied.

“Me too.” i nodded before glancing back at his laptop. “I really miss you Johnny. Like it hurts so bad to not be around you. And if...this stuff is important to you i'm willing to at least try it.”

His eyes snapped up to me. “R-really? You really don't have to. I dont want to make you uncomfortable. I guess this is what we’re struggling with anyway.”

“I am uncomfortable but...maybe you can teach me and we can try stuff?” I nibbled my lip a bit. “You looked really hot listening to it...just saying.”

He let out a soft chuckle. “Thanks...um…” He leaned in a bit placing a soft kiss on my lips. I smiled and looked up at him.

“So do I spank you and call you a bad boy now?”

He nodded. “That would be kinda nice.”

“Do I say mean things to you?” I asked fumbling over the thoughts in my head and just spitting them out.

“No, i'm not into degradation, just control. Or lack thereof. You're in control. You command me essentially.”

“Command you?” I thought for a moment. “Like get on your knees and eat me out?”

“Right now?” He raised his eyebrows in surprise.

I cleared my throat. “If you dont i'll...spank you.”

He smiled which made me cover my face. “Im sorry! I'm trying!”

“No, no. It's okay. I appreciate it. You're so cute.”

I set my face in his chest, trying to hide my embarrassment. “Am i supposed to sound scary? Like how am I supposed to do it?”

He kissed the top of my head. “Not for nothing but we can watch some stuff together. Its a bit exaggerated but you'll get the gist of it.”

“Watch porn...together?”

“Nothing more romantic, am i right?” He laughed and nodded towards his bed. “C’mon.”

I took off my sweatshirt and jeans, tossing them away with my shoes and climbed into bed with him. He sat up against his headboard, setting the laptop on the pillow and opening it back up.

“Ok,” I held onto his arm and exhaled. “Let do this.”

Oh god. I could see why he wanted this so bad. Never in my life had i seen anything so lustful and sensual than my small hands wrapped around Johnny's throat. His full lips were parted, only being able to let out small raspy gasps as his chest tried to compensate for the lack of air. I held his life in my hands, which in of itself was the most powerful thing i had ever felt. My thumbs pressed into his adams apple and his hand instantly grabbed the top of the headboard to steady himself while i rode his cock like I was never going to see him again. And when he came -Jesus- when he came it was like a whole new world had opened and we were the only ones in it. My whole body tensed, convulsed, clenched around him as his cum filled me. He had arched against me, making my nails dig into his skin before he tapped my wrist quickly. I let go instantly and he gasped in air in huge gulps, coughing just a bit.

“A-are you o-okay?” i stammered as i still felt my legs shaking on either side of his hips.

He nodded, coughing into his elbow and struggling to regain his breath. I bit my lip now worried that i had done something wrong. “Johnny!”

He waved me off, giving me a thumbs up before he finished his coughing fit. “FUCK!” he wiped the back of his mouth. “Damn...that was-”

“Did it hurt? Are you ok? I'm sorry, God i’m so sorry. I was caught up in the-”

He interrupted me like i had done to him except it was with a hard kiss. He pulled me down to him, kissing me deeply and desperately. When he pulled away I was almost lightheaded from the intensity. “You're amazing. Like...incredibly amazing.”

“You've never cum like that before. I um…” I looked down at our bodies still connected and the bit of stickiness that was slowly sliding out of me. “It was a lot...and really….wow.”

“Yeah...wow is...one way to describe it. Can we do it again?” He smirked.

“Right now? Are you sure? I think I marked your neck though.” I blushed.

He bit his lip in his charmingly awkward way. “Hell. Yes.” He wrapped his arms around my waist and pushed me down to the bed, attacking my neck and chest with kisses and bites making me giggle.

“Johnny! Wait!” I squirmed beneath him, trying to still his nibbles and licks. Him laughing against my neck tickled even more until I was almost in tears. “Stop!” He didn't, even when i begged but an idea popped into my head amidst my giggles. I landed a hard smack against his ass using as much force as i could given my position beneath him. He stopped instantly, clutching my sides roughly. “When I say stop what do you think that means?”

“Stop, ma'am.”

“Ma'am?” I mulled it over. I didn't think I was a Mistress or Mommy or Queen or anything just yet. Besides some of those titles still made me squeamish.

“Would you want me to call you something else?” he asked, head still bowed and buried in my neck.

“No. I like that. Say it again.”

“Yes ma'am.”

I smirked feeling the sense of power return. “Good boy. I think you should bend over now.”

~2 years later~

“Why are you mad at me? You're the one who walked out on me!” Johnny yelled once we got into our shared apartment.

“Because I don't like public proposals and you did it right in front of everyone!”

“It was a surprise engagement party!”

“I still dont like that! It puts me on the spot and it makes me have anxiety and it forces me to say yes!”

“So you dont want to say yes?” He looked at me confused and full of hurt.

“No, i mean...i just...can i think about it?!”

“Think about it? We've been together for so long already! What is there to think about?!”

“I dont know! I mean...divorce rates, family shit, insurance, an entire fucking wedding that we cant afford! A stupid dress that i'm only going to wear once and costs like a quarter of my college debt.”

“And all of that was enough to make you walk out on me? Really?”

“I just have to think about it, ok?!”

“Think about it on the couch then.” He walked into our bedroom-the one that used to belong to him and only him- and slammed the door shut. I sighed, angrily kicking off my heels and plopping down on the sofa. My arms crossed as my stubbornness was kicking in. I wasnt apologizing. I hated crowds and when he got down on one knee in front of our friends my anxiety went into over drive and i panicked. I had run outside, my emotions a terrible melting pot of odds and ends. I didnt come back to the party. It ended horribly. That was when we drove home in a tense silence that had exploded as soon as we stepped foot into our home.

I thought back to the first year of our relationship. How hot and cold we were because of all the changes we were going through. It was so distant and painful. I didnt want to go through that again. That was when the giddiness hit. He had proposed, completely unexpected and while i almost had an anxiety attack at our surprise engagement party….he had actually proposed. Like PROPOSED. I covered my face with my hands and felt the heat rising all the way to the tips of my ears. I never thought that would happen ever. It hadnt even crossed my mind before. I was so focused on building my business and living our life as a couple who lived together that I hadnt thought that far. A piece of paper and a ring wouldnt change how i felt about him but he had clearly thought it through. Enough to do a party after all.

Oh Johnny. This is why even though I controlled you, you had me wrapped around your finger tight.

I got up and unzipped my form hugging dress, stepping out of it and kicking it out the way. I went over to the bedroom, knocking gently before stepping in. He ignored me, opting to keep his eyes glued to his phone. His blazer was strewn on the bed, tie and top buttons of his shirt undone, sleeves rolled up to his elbows while his hair escaped the hold his pomade had on it. “Johnny…” I called out softly.

His thumb flicked over the phone screen, his eyes following the scrolling blue and white masses of texts and photos. I crawled onto the bed and sat behind him, rubbing my hands over his shoulder. He smacked them away quickly. “Dont.”

“I'm sorry.” I began, placing a kiss on the back of his neck. “I didn't mean to upset you. I panicked.” I wrapped my arms around his ribcage and held him tight.

He sighed and set his phone on the night stand. “Do you really not want to get married? Honestly i'll return the damn ring and get myself a camera.”

I turned his face towards mine and kissed his full lips gently. “Let me think about it ok? Please?” I didn't give him much of a chance to respond as i deepened the kiss little by little, pushing him back onto the bed. He let out a small grunt and i assumed it was because he was mad at himself for being persuaded so easily. But i've always had that effect on him. While our tongues were clashing with one another i drew my hand up to his neck, gently running my hands over one of his most sensitive areas. He jerked at the touch at first, knowing what it meant and the possibilities for the night. He pulled away ever so slightly, his warm breath coating my lips as he panted.

“Ma'am?” he asked tentatively.

“Mhm…” I nodded in response, letting the switch set off between us as our dynamics changed. He wasn't just my sweet, loving, awkwardly goofy boyfriend anymore. He was my pet, my submissive- the one who catered to my every desire to enact my power over him, to see him crumble beneath me, begging helplessly.

“I'm still mad at you.” He said softly.

“I know.” I gripped his neck, adding pressure right against his adam's apple. His breath stilled for a moment as i slid my legs over his lap, straddling him. “That's why I'm making it up to you. Or at least trying to. Will you let me?”

His hand fell to my hip which he squeezed twice-our signal for yes. I smiled down at him dragging my eyes to the tie that hung loosely from his neck. Improvise. I let go of his throat momentarily- much to his dismay- and undid the tie. The shirt came next, a slow tease of testing his patience as I undid each button placing kisses on each new exposed area of skin. I untucked the shirt from his pants, opening a new area across his stomach to litter with kisses and a few harsh bites just to keep him on his toes. He was usually a quiet sub until he started begging and only let out a few hisses when i bit into him. My eyes drifted up to him- he was watching me intensely, wondering where i would go next- before looking down at the zipper of his dress pants.

I ignored it for now, shuffling down to remove his shoes and socks instead. He was shifting in the bed, fingers flexing around the bed sheets as he became raptured by every move I was making. I suppose it did help that i was in nothing but a sheer bra and panty set. I had planned that way before our fight, thinking we would have a chance to slip away in the middle of the party, but at least my plan came back around full circle. “Now dont move. Stay right where i left you.” I commanded before I left him in the bed and retreated to our closet. Behind all the clothes and totes and shoes was our little box of secrets- well, over the years the size of the box had increased as our collection grew and we learned how one another worked. I pulled it out, rifling through the goodies to find exactly what i was looking for. When i turned back to the bed Johnny had removed his shirt and unzipped his pants which instantly made my brow furrow.

“Did I ask you to do that?” i gripped the base of the paddle i now had in my hand tighter.

He licked his lips and swallowed hard. “N-no but I thought-”

“You thought...huh. last time I checked your job isnt to think, it's to do what i say.” I bound over to him, grabbed the tie from the bed and pinned his wrists together, securing them in a bowline knot, making sure it was tight enough that his big hands wouldn't slip through. “On your knees. Now.”

“Yes ma'am.” He shifted onto his hands and knees, ass raised in the air. I always loved seeing him like this. Especially because his ass was so cute, even cuter when covered in bruises and hand marks too.

“Hold onto the headboard and dont move.”

He followed my order while i yanked his dress pants down along with his black boxer briefs, exposing him completely. I bit my lip, trying to stifle my giggle as i still saw faint traces of the bruises I had left on him a couple weeks ago. He was definitely due for some more. I picked up the paddle once more, turning it over and running my fingers over the leather that covered it and the icy steel grommets along the edges. I could see his shoulder blades tensing in anticipation, making his back muscles ripple. God, he looked so good. I stepped a bit closer to him, rearing my hand back and landing a hard slap across his cheeks with the paddle. He pursed his lips together, trying to suppress a groan from deep within his chest.

“What was that?” i asked, rubbing the leather across the bright red sting.

“N-nothing ma'am.” He replied through grit teeth as his head dipped.

“You know i prefer you quiet unless your begging, right?”

“Yes ma'am.” i watched his fingers grip the headboard tighter and smirked.

I brought the paddle down again for another loud thwack. His entire body lurched forward, his ankles crossing over each other sending the tension to his calves. There was no sound from him except his heavy breathing that was slowly starting to shift into raggedness. I switched from using the paddle to rub against him to my hands, trailing my nails over the burning skin. The light scratches were enough to make him squirm, his stomach dipping towards the mattress. I dragged my nails up the base of his tailbone trailing all the way up his spine. I heard the faintest of curses under his breath which made me chuckle. I pressed my index and middle finger under his chin and tilted his head up towards me. “You're purposefully being a brat now arent you?”

His eyes were hooded, long lashes fluttering as his lips parted to say something but he thought better of it. “If you think this is your punishment then you've got another thing coming, baby boy. Trust me i've got something much worse planned for you.”

I dropped my touch from him and slithered back to the box grabbing the thing he loved to hate the most. It was small and simple yet dangerous and carried the weight of torture within its expanding walls. I grabbed the girth of his hips and yanked him back to me. Johnny complied until my hands were over his semi soft cock, sliding on the cock ring over his shaft, making a slight twist in the silicone to wrap around his balls as well. “What?! No!” He hissed.

“Ooh, you're back talking me today too? I definitely won't be taking it easy on you now.” I pressed a heated kiss against his neck, kissing up to his ear before biting against his earlobe. “Get back into position.”

He nodded meekly, returning his hands to the headboard. Now he knew he was in punishment territory and there wasn't any turning back. I may have wanted to make it up to him so he wouldn't be mad at me but there was still a teensy part of me that was angry that he embarrassed me and sent me into a panic. I gave him no warning, mimicking the way he sprung that loaded question me, and slammed the paddle into him again. The indentation of the grommets were starting to form on his skin like fiery o's. I gave him little room to breathe within the next few hits, making sure every inch of his backside was covered in some sort of sordid mark. He was holding up better than he normally did though his knuckles were white and tensed around the headboard. His toes were digging into the sheets as he rocked himself slowly, trying to ease off the heavy burn in his flesh. I propped myself by the headboard, setting the paddle on the nightstand “Hi honey,” I said in a bit of a mocking tone. He lifted his head, eyes falling on me instantly. “You ok?”

He could only groan, a bit of irritation and aggravation hidden within. “Hmm just...peachy.”

I looked down between his legs at his newly formed erection that was already struggling against the cock ring. I giggled and pet his hair back gently, narrowly escaping his teeth as he attempted to bite me.

“Oohh, my baby boy's feisty. Should i just leave you here like this for another hour? Not even touching you? Or maybe i should make you watch me touch myself while you stay trapped in this cock ring.” His eyes lowered into angry slits but he said nothing. “Or I could touch you...edge you...make you scream your begs until your lungs burn? Yeah. I think i like the sound of that more.”

Johnny pursed his lips together hard. His mind was working on processing the upcoming plans and possibly on a way to give me the cold shoulder later on while i got to work on tossing his pants off completely and shoving him against the headboard. I swung my legs over his hips, getting into our favorite position. He looked up at me, his still bound hands freezing right before he attempted to touch me. He knew he was teetering on a fine line and wasn't going to push it just yet. I grabbed his hands and pinned them above his head while my hips hovered above his straining cock. His eyes stayed locked onto the small gap of space between our heat waiting for the first brush of contact. I let him have it, gliding the mesh fabric of my panties over his cock, circling my hips slightly when my clit met his head.

Johnny swallowed back a gasp biting his lip hard to keep himself steady. I fell into a slow and easy rhythm of rocking my hips against him, the thin fabric between us adding just a bit more friction and sending my nerves ablaze. I was focusing on rubbing my clit against his head, feeling his pre cum seep onto his stomach. The grip i had on his wrists tightened, my breath becoming a rough staccato. Meanwhile, Johnny was trying to increase the painful grind, digging his hips up into me. “Please…”

God, that perfect little beg always drove me crazy. He knew it to. Hed pout out his full lips, lick them so they'd glisten and entice me more and toss his head back, exposing his neck for choking, biting or both. And just when i would let go of his wrist hed try and touch me. I knew his game and he wasn't going to win this time. “Please? Please what, Johnny? Use your words.” I sunk my teeth into his neck, pulling blood to the surface and creating a deep mark. He arched up against me, letting out a soft hiss that turned into a strangled groan. I edged my hips up his torso, letting his cockhead press ever so slightly against my entrance.

“Fuck! Please, baby…let me fuck you.”

“Hmm, absolutely not.” I lowered my head to lick at his lips, tracing my tongue over his top lip and giving it a sweet kiss. He reached his tongue out to meet mine, sucking it slowly into his mouth and humming around it. I pulled away just to tease him and he arched his head towards mine, lips parted and willing to accept another kiss. I let go of one of his wrists-being sure to keep a tight grip on the tie- and wrapped my hand around his neck, keeping him pinned to the headboard. A faint whimper escaped him.

“Please ma'am, i'll be good to you. You just-” he tried reach for my kiss again but i tightened my hold on his throat. “You just…” He swallowed back and i could feel the struggle against my palm. “Untie me a-and I can-”

“Quiet. Im gonna make you put your mouth to better use.” I wiggled away from him, sliding my panties off as Johnny excitedly slid down so his head rested on the pillow. I resumed my position on him, my knees now on either side of his head. “Get to work, brat.”

He nodded and pressed his lips against my heat, already prying his tongue through my folds as he growled hungrily against me. He swirled his tongue against my clit before sucking it fully into his mouth. My head fell back and i closed my eyes reveling in the hot wet sucks and kisses he gifted me with. I edged myself forward commanding his tongue to flick into my eager hole. I wanted some form of release myself. Seeing him tied up and spanking him always made my hormones rush into overdrive. I was trying to stay strong but the way he was drinking down every bit of my slick heat had my thighs quivering. I shifted my hips into quick bounces, making sure he would dig his tongue into me, that was until i felt it disappear. I looked down at him angrily. “Did I tell you to stop?”

“N-no ma’am but...a-ahh it hurts.” I rolled my eyes and looked back at his cock that was making a mess all over his stomach. It was bright red and aching, crying out for attention. “Please? Just a little?” He gave my lower lips a few tender kisses, his chocolate brown puppy dog eyes getting to me. I grumbled angrily and accepted his little conquest before adjusting myself so my stomach pressed against his chest in a sixty-nine.

I lapped at the precum that had settled between the grooves of his abs, trying to hide the coy little moan i let out as soon as i tasted him. I trailed my tongue up to his slit, digging the tip in just enough to get him squirming. Meanwhile, my nails raked along his shaft, tracing veins that pulsated with each tantalizing stroke. Johnny pressed his hips up, just a minimal inch, trying to get me to take him into my mouth and i gave in. My lips wrapped around his head enveloping him in heated pulls. I felt his fingers wrap around my ass, pulling me closer while his thumbs spread my hole wide. His tongue resumed its rightful place inside me carving out patterns against my walls.

I swallowed hard around him, trying to get my mind to focus on his torture when all i could really think about was my pleasure. I rocked myself slowly, my mouth slurping him down each time i went forward and his tongue disappearing inside me when i went back. His deep moans were vibrating against my lips making me clench around him and i returned the sentiment. His cock throbbed against my palm as i stroked what i couldnt fit in my mouth edging him even further. My free hand slipped between this thick thighs to grab at his balls giving him a rough squeeze. His hips jerked roughly slamming his cock to the back of my throat and i harshly landed a slap against him before pulling away. “Johnny.” I growled.

He let out a deep groan as more precum leaked from his slit. I bit at his thigh harshly, gripping his balls even tighter. He cursed against my folds and his nails dug into me. He called out to me, my title thrown away, as he pleaded for me to release him. I glared back at him.

“You want it bad don't you? You're a mess baby boy.” I said. “You want this gone?” I tugged at the ring of silicone that was suffocating him. He nodded profusely, wiping away the sweat that beaded across his forehead.

“Please….” He whispered huskily. I bit my lip as his deep voice cut right through me. I undid the tie and carefully eased off the cock ring from around him. He let out a sigh of relief before covering my back and shoulders with kisses. “Thank you. Hmm...can i fuck you now ma'am?”

“You better make up for you being an impatient brat.”

“Maybe you can make up for being such a shithead then.” He chuckled.

Before i could even argue he pushed me flat on my back, my head dangling off the edge of the bed. Any protest i was going to make dissolved into a loud cry as i felt his swollen cock shove into me. My walls stretched and swallowed him down greedily. He wasted no time in slamming into me over and over creating a swirling fire in the pit of my stomach. My hands reached for him, wanting to pull him closer to me but he pinned them to my side. From over the swell of my breasts i could see him watching every movement my body made beneath him. Though he had a crushing grip on my wrists my fingers dug into the sheets trying to find a way to stabilize myself. “F-fuck! Johnny!!” I cried as my back arched against him.

He had never been this hungry for me before. Begging, whiny, and submissive yes but this was...I wanted more. I wrapped my legs around his waist, digging my heels into his lower back as i panted out my own pleads. Johnny finally blessed me with heavy kisses on my neck pairing it with slithering licks. I turned my head towards his trying to capture his lips but he pulled away quickly as if i had burned him. “No.”

No? My eyes narrowed. “What do you mean no?! Give me my kiss.”

“Now who's being a brat?” He smirked. His hips were slamming into me even harder. I could hear the harsh slapping of skin on skin that mixed in with his heavy pants and groans. I tried wiggling out of his grasp but it was no use. Blood was rushing to my head making my entire body feel like it was floating. I could hear my heart thundering in my ears, pouding louder and louder to match each of Johnny's thrusts that dug into me. I arched against him, my body begging for him to aim towards my spot. Just when the head of his cock brushed against the place i desired most he pulled away and i almost screamed. He was testing me and possibly this was his way of getting revenge on me too.

He flipped me over pressing me face down, ass up, his hand gripping the back of my neck firmly. When he reinserted himself into me i felt every pleasure point ignited. My eyes rolled back as my mouth stayed in a permanent moan, my fingers digging into the edge of the mattress. My ass rocked back against him as i felt my impending orgasm approaching. He was relentless and unending and i felt like i was going to snap in half at any minute. The pressure he was putting on my neck strangled my breathing, my chest struggling to expand but it drove me wild. I could finally feel what he had felt; the feeling of abandoning control, of trusting someone so deeply and feeling your entire body slipping away to a space of heightened pleasure.

And as my explosive orgasm hit me i sunk my teeth into the edge of the bed, screaming my sins out. A rush of heat seeped inside me as Johnny bottomed me out with a final thrust. His grip loosened on my neck but i didnt move. It was like i was frozen against him. I felt him place kisses against me, crawling up to my face where he hovered above me so i wouldnt be crushed under his tall frame. “You okay?”

“Yeah….yeah…”

“You sure?” i felt his bangs brush against my shoulder as he kissed my cheek. I nodded and swallowed hard. We shifted slowly so we laid on our backs beside each other staring up at the ceiling as our breaths returned to normalcy.

“So….” he said.

“So…”

“I think i might be a switch.”

“I think i might be ready to marry you.”

We both looked at each other quizzically having said two completely different statements at the same time.

“What?” we said again before laughing.

He turned onto his said to face me. “Did you say you're ready to marry me?”

“Maybe.” I buried my face in his chest, trying to avoid looking at him. “What's this shit about you wanting to switch?!”

“Dont change the subject!” He pulled me away from him forcing me to look up. “You serious?”

“Yeah….i mean if you want to be a switch and do...all of the shit you just did now you damn right we're getting married.” I said.

“So you're just in it for the sex, huh?” He nudged me playfully.

I cupped his face in my hands. “Of course not. I have to deal with you tripping over your own feet, and constantly recording me or taking unflattering photos of me, and you whining when i have to fix your photography website because you messed up the html code yet again, and you sending me cryptic messages because you don't know how to send a text without it sounding ominous. And if i hated all of that i would've left you by now. But the dick is a plus.”

“Ehh, you're pretty decent yourself.” He smiled at me. “Especially when you're getting fucked out from behind.” he placed a slow heated kiss on my lips, teasing me with licks and pulling away like i had done to him. “You'd make a cute sub.”

“Easy now, hotshot. I didn't get the hang of it instantly and you definitely wont either. Doms aren't built in a day you know.”

“I know that but-” His hand wrapped around my neck, his thumb tilting my head up to his. “I'm gonna have fun learning.”

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brendanbekkergrad502 · 2 years

Text

Research - Design Campaign

Research – Depression and anxiety in elite athletes once retired.

https://www.stevegurney.co.nz/post/steve-gurney-says-depression-can-hit-elite-sportspeople-after-retirement

With many athletes retiring from the sport every year, this can be due to injury, major life events, death of a loved one and many more possibilities that can force the athlete into retirement. I found this article where Steve Gurney, nine-time coast to coast winner and multisport athlete has experienced the dramatic effects retiring can do to an athlete once they retire, and how the athletic world has hidden the exposure of depression and isn’t talked about enough.

On this article, Steve gurney opens up and talks about the lows he has experienced due to retirement and the real brutalness of it all. Steve says ‘’Depression, it’s a nasty word’’

Over the course of Steve’s career, he has gone into the rabbit hole of depression and has climbed his way out, but Steve also says to many athletes are to scared and not ready to open up due to the ‘’stigma of the d word’’

With Steve and his experiences of being injured and ‘’being to old’’ has made him unable to compete at the same level he is used to competing at has been ‘’massively depressing, suicidally depressing at some stages and ive had help with this’’

With athletes retiring, its losing part of there identity, they are losing a lifestyle with so much physical activity that once they stop this cycle, they can easily lose themselves as a person, I think their lifestyle is embedded into the athlete, which creates a high risk of the athlete to fall into the rabbit hole of depression and anxiety. Due to athletic stigma of not opening up about there mental health issues and to keep pushing further, it will be hard for the athlete to admit they are struggling, or even knowing they are struggling in the first place.

Sir John Kirwan, ex all black’s player and creator of the mental health organization Mentemia, also known as Groov also talks about mental health of retired athletes. The common issue athletes have to deal with once they retire is once they are done, they struggle because ‘’they all have that competitive streak that doesn't just go away the minute you retire or run out of form. "I don't think you can change your personality. As a driven person, it's your personality type’’. With this being said, I agree personally as a athlete myself. Its hard to change your personality type as you leave the sport, which can really effect you, mentally.

Kirwan also says, ‘’ Often the first born or things that have happened in your life as a kid, drives you to be competitive. "So, when things go wrong, or when your career gets interrupted then life suddenly gets really tough because we are competitive by nature, and I don't think you can change your nature. With this being said, I feel like this Is on the same level as being grown up with certain aspects of life, it becomes normal to you and that’s how you act. With your life skills as an athlete is completely different to a non-athlete, it is very difficult to adjust.

Kirwan finally says "There are a lot of athletes who used to be professionals or high-level competing athletes who have had injury or had to retire and are now struggling because that purpose that they had has now evaporated. I know it's especially happening in sport but also other professions and walks of life too’’ this proves that we need to act against the act and deal and understand that this is a big shift in life, and we need more supporting around the topic, I can understand how difficult it is to transition and change your purpose, especially when being an athlete, your goal is to be on top and your goal is always to do your best, and when you lose the purpose of trying to be your best and lose your passion, you also lose yourself.

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dust2dust34 · 8 years

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Hey so ummmm.... hows blood hands going? Ive been in a weird funk when it comes to Olicity Fanfiction, but im looming forward to blood hands and i think it will get me back into the swing of things lol. Because i do miss Fanficition, especially yours

I'm so giddy and honored to hear that, anon, thank you! And I feel you. I’ve been struggling with it a bit, myself. (Thank the beautiful people who make fanvids, I’ve been living on those things like a crack addict.)

Blood Hands has become an exercise in patience, tbh. I want to integrate the original story into the new version I have of it, and it’s taking more brain power than I’d anticipated.

One thing I've learned about myself is I can't force myself to write something if I can't get around a logistical issue. I just can't do it, I get frustrated and angry because I know something isn't working, but I don't know what. And if I push it, I usually end up throwing my hands in the air and going to do something else. I'm also stubborn as fuck - I need to go through everything and every choice before I see that deleting or changing something is the best option.

Yeah, I know, I'm a crazy person who won’t let things go.

(I did this very thing with the Chapter One rewrite - I forced it out and then I went back two times to rewrite huge chunks of it instead of calming the hell down and letting it simmer.)

I’m also changing a lot of the character motivations/inspirations and background in Blood Hands, partly because I have a lot more knowledge about Olicity via canon and my own writing, but also because the story was lacking in that department. The original draft was written strictly for Oliver, and even then, not that well. Felicity was an afterthought, and Diggle even more so on top of that. But that's okay, because that's what first drafts are for! (That and seeing plot holes (and probably creating more but whatever) and taking an over-complicated idea and simplifying in a way that makes the story so much better. I've done a lot of that, too.)

It is written very differently, so it's taking me a bit to redraft it. You will notice the changes right off the bat and while I'm keeping most of the original scenes and themes, I'm also beefing the hell out of them (and scrapping others completely).

It's going to be wildly different, but in a really good way, I think. I'm in love with what I have so far!

(This story has also become a way for me to see what I can do as a writer, so it’s not just an Olicity fic. That is adding more time to it, but hopefully it will be to the benefit of the story. We’ll see.)

On top of all that, I'm also dipping in and out because of the FICoN 'verse! Janis is a goddess. She's been in the driver's seat, kicking ass and taking names (literally, go check out her blog, she’s been answering asks like crazy!), but I'm still involved because those characters are my babies, too. (I'm like the weekend mom, I still see the kids and go over everything.) The dipping in and out is making it a little more difficult for me to stay in the Blood Hands 'verse on a consistent basis, but I'm finding a groove.

And on a rambly note...

I've decided I will be posting Blood Hands as a new story AND keeping the original story up! I don't know what I'll call the new one ("Blood Hands: Refurbished" sounds ridiculous... or does it? (YES.)). I'm doing it because the writing is so different, but also because this will be the best and most perfect example of my writing process and why I put so much stock in drafts. And it will be cool to just see how much my writing has changed over the last few years! (Imagine the differences over the last 17 years since I first started writing... ye gads.)

And, because I keep dipping in and out, I'm finding that quick ficlets in other 'verses helps pull me out of FICoN, so I'm sure there will be other tidbits that I put out here and there until Blood Hands is complete.

Thank you for the ask, anon, and the patience! I think it will be well worth it!

#bre answers #blood hands #anonymous

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impact510 · 5 years

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Blind with glasses

Usually my midnight rants are smooth and my thoughts run like water. tonight, i feel like im forcing my emotions onto paper. why is that? well, full confessions i dont want to write the truth. ha! story of my life. you know, you keep lying to yourself until you believe it. well, thats one truth. lets keep going. heres another truth. ive just been flustered with myself. i went to a wedding the other day and made me realize my true body image of myself. i’m fucken dying fat. Surrounded by beautiful people in a dance hall i just looked at myself and felt the true shit that i am. why have i let myself go? i really became self aware of what i look like and what am i giving out. I dress like a street hippie. Here i am belly out, thick as fuck! How the fuck do my friends hang out with me or be in public with me? I am DISGUSTING!! after all that i just sat there. the process that i need to work on myself. the list just keeps adding on and on. Maybe i should get fatter, really get the acknowledgment that i’m just a ball of fucken lard roaming around. literally looking to date while my fat ass looks disgusting. what sucks is i dont have faith in myself to do anything. its a complete circle really. i’m fat, i’m a shitty person, depressed, hating the world, hating my very own life, being selfish to my family and friends. full circle, why i think sometimes that i dont deserve nothing. Goes back to my birthday depression; i dont deserve anything cause i’m a shitty fat fuck person. the cherry on top is, i create this image that i have all figured out. someone meets me, i sweet talk to them and bam! “hey that guy has it together.” I dont need encouragement, i need to be put down. why live in this society when i cant produce or look like a certain criteria?

I guess i’m at a point in my life that everything is adding up. goes back to my birthday. heres another truth, i get depressed at my birthday cause i only see the negative impact i did within that year. that people i hurt, the bad decicions towards myselft that i took, the possible long term effects of relationships. i see it all. On my birthday is the one day of the year that i think of suicide. JUST ONE! Maybe because it haunts me that one birthday i actually tried to do it. my years on tumblr and i have never written a deep secret of mine. stupid beer. ive learned to ignore it. fight the memory and just swing by my birthday. its a part of my life why i create this image of staying positive. honeslty i’m just dead inside. why be dead inside when you have had an awesome life? ture, i’m not poor, i’m not rich. i have a normal boring life. Final truth, i’m not looking for attention and find someone to feel sorry for me. my true intentions, looking for someone to help me find me. my groove! Why i wish i would learn to be alone. be happy alone. happy of waking up alone and be okay. insteady i go heel and toe to be approved by the world and lie to myself that i’m doing alright. I am thankful for the people in my life. they have tuaght me that im the shitty person. Okay i’m good for the week. lets get this bread. smile and wave

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arielkrupnik · 7 years

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Men don't protect you anymore

In order to understand beauty you must stand back in awe of it.

Now that you're not so close to me I can understand you overall. Now is this prehistoric void. From what I understand, beyond sight and I cant be, leave it.

Where in the world how've you been?. I thank you there and your welcome back here. Will I see you grow away and continue to be far feet tall?. Forgetting this far in life we should reward ourselves with a kiss. And I cant reach your lips if you keep raising the balance. There lies a sweaty, hairy, masculine dilemma. It is beautifull of shit. They leave the entrance wide open for you to step in trance, and step out of emotional freedom. As for me, I open adore, that doesnt easily close. Not on anyone. Not by the hairs on my retro fantasies. From not seeing them accomplished I am so sore'y. My sick fantasy is having a battle to see how long I can stay in conversation with someone. My sick fantasy is finally having someone who will fully allow me to use my kind ways and manners that Ive accumulated over the years, upon them for longer periods of time. My sick fantasy is never watching another sports game so long as I shall live. My sick fantasy is to be born again, over and over, in the eyes of others. To go back before everyone knew me, and return to the novelty act I once portrayed. None of you will ever know what I became underneath me. What you thought you knew about me, you should now assume.

My sicker fantasy is sharing so much that we don't know what to bother calling our own. My sicker fantasy is being in a sexual situation that doesn't involve sex. Although, there is a figure I cant figure out.

I cant even put my finger on what makes them special. But I have embraced you ,and it. It made me follow love thats now hungry enough to swallow you in a hug. The body is so inviting, its courteous figure extends my longing for you. My worship started at your heart, and I worked my way out of its every extension in slow motion animation. Licking all bruised wounds and hits, from your lips into your legs; kissing your hips, then legs and in through your lips. Oh I dare the odor I adore to guide me, so I can end up from where I was scent. Or is it the order way around?. Don't 'judge' a book by its 'jury'. All the ones who have done so, have done so to prove they are but immature amateurs. I can heal your sole until I heel your soul. With antique tranquil groove. They will never love you as far as I can take you. We can go, and never stop going till we get there. Dont know if i want to get somewhere in life or if I want to get somewhere in your life. To me, they are the same goal. There exists no realistic difference. We both are well aware of beauty. The more i'll marry her. The more we'll be merrier.

The more she'll begin being. The less I feel, for I cant any longer stand the block-headed jock machoism about men. I cant even believe they have the audacity to pass off the shit they give you as true passion for you. Like a powerless goddess, being fed leather bread and water-proofed soup. Causing you to fall asleep at the dharma wheel, and only waking to tobacco sauce inside each sentence spoken from them. While i consume Tea 'N' Tea, chewing a lot of gum and teeth, thinking of you knowing of me, and how we could be on a killing and shopping spree. Turning over no new leaf, no known leave, no escape to know relief. You only know the passion of a pass shunned and how a paralyzing pair of lies leave you. Limitations are many that you don't see. Limitations are his sincerest form of flattery. Forcing you to crawl into his cave of paralysis that you now wont easily crawl out of. How dare I cut my heart open for you, and die of blood loss, while you might die of thirst. And all I'll have left is a bad feeling for you having to feel hunger in the presence of my skin. Even some of your closest friends can be restrictions, and you'll always be finding ano'their way around them. The zen lunatic I became holds nothing but vintage moral values for all. Feel free to use them against them. We should all be able to treat everyone by now with enough solidarity

to accept what they feel is worth your time. I should be supported for wanting to take the time to man'slaughter men into ashes to ashes, for having women living happily while they lead a dogs life. Then I can beat them men death to death because im in sane. My sickest fantasy is exposing my temptation to do the right thing by everyone. My sickest fantasy is everyone accepting my silent obsession with everyone. My sickest situation is that in every friendship and or relationship I love more than the other for it. He loves more than she does. He loves her more than she will ever love him for - Results of my previously unreleased vulnerability...until now. There will come a point in time though where I will be so bored with conversing with other men in every point of view, that I will not limit myself to just killing time...until then, from now on I sit down to piss and shit. When I drive, my legs will be crossed when I sit. All men's lives should be grilled if they dont feel the passion for the wives or girlfriends they have. If they feel nothing, they can cook themselves in hell, with ketchup and mustard gas. Then the women who were treated like dogs, can claw and consume their way to emotional and complete freedom. To refill the void of passion. Why am I nuts surprised this can never happen?. And why am I the only one who'll make it occur?. And I promise to one day, with someone.

And all these promises I dont just want to hold them, I want to hold them with you. You being the person who holds them and us together. With relaxation glue.

Pretty soon I'll reach my aspiration date, but I haven’t urn'ed it just yet. But at last, I have found the truth forever. It is me in human form.

Every man before me in love is a fraud. I am the real version, of the man you never came to see. The novelty act. You've met imitations, and their love pretends to be me. And shame on all your boyfriends - they came late. Im worth being on your time. I like/love you so fucking too much that every other feeling I show other than that one is fake. Im too "head over heels" for you to actually be 'straight' with you about it. You will never see me because I'll never pass. You'll never meet me because you'll never ask. But if you do, I shall bring myself into your existence. Thinking of me knowing of you, you should realize that between us, there will never be an existing realistic difference. The only difference between you and me, is you know where the beauty is, and i know where its going to be... ...together.

#happy new year

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airadam · 7 years

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Episode 102 : Play With Joy

"Give me a minute, I'll give you my spirit."

- Konny Kon

Another month, another mix to keep your ears nourished! Listen out for Juice Crew appearances and connections throughout the selection, after Manchester witnessed them tear up the stage this month. We've got some soulful numbers, turntable wizardry, and quotables for days. Let's get it started...

Twitter : @airadam13

Playlist/Notes

Cesar Comanche : A-Game

With the intro and all that, this is a track that needs to be at the start of a mix, and as such I've been saving it for quite a long time. One of my favourites from the original days of the Justus League, this track is from Cesar's second album "Paper Gods", and is a great ode to working hard in music and not being a hanger-on or a daydreamer; as the title suggests, bring your A-game. 9th Wonder is on the beat, slapping that snare as always!

Kev Brown : The Beat Tape (Instro)

One of the instrumentals from the "Selective Hearing" LP; nothing super complex, just a good example of doing something funky with a handful of elements. The insertion of that "yeah" sample is worth the price of admission!

Kool G Rap & DJ Polo : Letters

Another one I've had in the "to play" list for ages, it's a straight mic workout for G Rap taken from his final album in collaboration with DJ Polo, "Live and Let Die". As an aside, I didn't realise that the album was shelved some time after initial release because of the controversial cover art! Luckily, it got a re-release so you should be able to find it - there are some excellent tracks on there. As with most of the rest of the album, Sir Jinx, best known for his work with Ice Cube, handles the production; a nice funky soul sample forms the basis of the track.

Wordsworth : Feel Me

Hadn't given "The Picture Album" a listen in a long time and had totally forgotten about this Ill Poetic-produced track - I was looking to include something featuring Masta Ace but this got the nod instead, as it were. "Feel me internally"? Hold that thought, we're coming back to it later in the show...

Bumpy Knuckles : Lazy

One of those tunes you can drop on a mixtape or in a club night full of real heads. DJ Premier on the beat with a meat-and-potatoes drum pattern underpinning a disjointed string sample, and Bumpy going in on the mic straight line style. Bonus points for him impression of crying MCs in the intro :) We will definitely return to the "Konexion" album again!

Big Daddy Kane, Jay-Z, ODB : Show & Prove

The full version of this tune from the 1994 "Daddy's Home" album is long! Coming off a loop of the DJ Premier beat, I actually missed off the first three verses (Scoob, Sauce Money, and Shyheim) and jumped in at Kane's appearance. A then mostly-unknown Jay-Z can be heard here with his old style, and ODB shuts it down on the final verse, overwhelming the track with sheer force of personality! Three Brooklyn kings, no question. The sharp-eared amongst you will find the last word on the tune very familiar...

[Pete Rock] All City : Priceless (Instrumental)

I played the vocal version of this many moons ago on episode 12, and Pete Rock's beat fits brilliantly here - a bridge between the explosion that ends the previous cut, and the tempo of the one that follows...

Top Rawmen : Symphony 3000

I'm amongst friends here, so I can admit it - at least partly due to cultural differences, I didn't realise for years that this turntablist crew's name is a pun! Yeroc, Nando, Nomad, Mike c, and Jay Slim brilliantly execute the concept of a turntable version of the Juice Crew classic "The Symphony" on this selection from "Return of the DJ, Volume IV". The beats are sampled/cut/reworked from that 1988 record, and several quotes from the track get sliced and diced here too.

Camp Lo : Cookers

This Ski-produced B-side (you know the deal) from the "Trouble Man" single bangs hard in a specific way that often makes it tough to fit into mixes, but I think this is a good spot for it! There's a detail worth noting on this one - check how Sonny and Geechi start each two-bar phrase of the first verse with their syllables landing dead on each hit of the kick drum.

Diamond D ft. Kurupt and The Alkaholiks : We Are The People Of The World

Diamond just keeps on going - with a record collection and a mind like his, the beats will hopefully keep on coming for a long time yet! His 2014 album "The Diam Piece" is a producer-centred project where he brings in a star-studded roster of guests to bless his beats; on this cut, we get veteran West Coast lyricism from the 'Liks and Kurupt, keeping it positive. I do need to stop giving myself these awkward bar counts to mix with though...

J-Zone ft. Has-Lo : Caddy Coupe

I love seeing people win, so this track works on two levels; firstly, it comes from "Fish 'n' Grits", an excellent album from the latter phase of J-Zone's musical career, and secondly because of the story. I can totally get behind a real-life tale of a man treating himself to a bit of luxury after a hard working life; it's just a genuinely nice story. Philadephia's Has-Lo takes the second verse to expand the theme a little more, and Zone's production (in all senses of the word) is excellent and inventive as always.

Trifeckta : First Time (Janet Jackson Flip)

I wanted to bridge here with something having a bit of 80s style and also some soul, and finally found the right beat on the Producers I Know compilation "The 80s Beat Tape" - which I'm sure we'll visit again. St.Louis'/NYC's Trifeckta dices up some Janet Jackson and tops it off with some skilled drum machine work.

John Legend and The Roots : Hang On In There

Somehow the "Wake Up!" collaborative project slipped by me until recently, despite being years old! It's mostly made up of covers of old soul records, and they're done well. Here's one example, their take on the low-key 1972 classic "Hang On In There" by Mike James Kirkland, with a beautiful groove and a solid message.

Children of Zeus : Rock You Internally

Yet another great cut from Konny Kon and Tyler Daly, both of whom are in fine rhyming style right here - classic tag team vocal styles. No slouches on the boards either, they cook up a quality beat from a classic soul sample. "The Story So Far..." is an essential purchase...and that's just a collection of their past work. The album, when it comes, is really going to be something.

Ill Camille : Take A Ride

Ill Camille is an artist coming out of Los Angeles who gets much respect from those in the know. While her latest LP "Heirloom" is getting rave reviews, here we go all the way back to 2011's "The Pre-Write" for a track which I think features the sadly late Alori Joh ; they collaborated on a version of this track I've seen titled as "Take That Ride". Camille handles her business here lyrically, and the hook is very nicely done as a bonus. I've not got any credits indicating who produced it, but I do like the beat - incidentally, all that EQ/filtering going on towards the end is part of the track itself!

KING : The Greatest

I don't know how many times I've played this track this year, but it's a lot. Paris Strother kills it on this production (as she does on the whole "We Are KING" album), and on the mic along with the other two members for this ethereal and grooving tribute to the great Muhammad Ali. If you're hearing it for the first time, it deserves an immediate rewind - alternatively, watch the excellent 8-bit-styled video :)

Tall Black Guy : Sade's Taboo (Sweetest Taboo Blap-Up)

The brother from another mother (and father) once again shows you how he flips well-known samples into his own head-nodding, shoulder-slumping style!

Craig G : W.F.W.T (What's Fuckin With That)

Ending things on an up note, we take a track from the amazingly titled "I Rap and Go Home" album. The Juice Crew veteran gives you a small window into his life as a live performer..and he loves it! Again, I like to see people win and so it's nice to know that Craig's working life is pretty awesome. Vaporworldz isn't an artist I've heard of before, but this beat is on-point; a light, cheerful head-nodder with a little reggae seasoning in there. I hope Craig G and the rest of the crew left Manchester with happy memories - although we couldn't help much with the weather, sadly.

Please remember to support the artists you like! The purpose of putting the podcast out and providing the full tracklist is to try and give some light, so do use the songs on each episode as a starting point to search out more material. If you have Spotify in your country it's a great way to explore, but otherwise there's always Youtube and the like. Seeing your favourite artists live is the best way to put money in their pockets, and buy the vinyl/CDs/downloads of the stuff you like the most!

Check out this episode!

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