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#ive never cried so much in a class
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pulling an all nighter not out of choice but out of necessity
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iftitah · 5 months
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#the more i stay around people the more i want to become like them out of spite#because i was so surprised these people are at least 24-26 years age some even did a minor bachelor's before coming here#some have completed post grad and then joined#like aren't you all too fucking old to act that immature#i grew so resentful of everyone how they keep on doing the worst low man shit and then victimize themselves#hypocrites full of shit they don't want to hear the truth#i know no one has the audacity to take a fight with me on here because they know im the youngest here#not because im the youngest but because im better#the girls frown upon me because i don't hear their low mindset humorless jokes and pointo out where they fall short#oh [my irl name] youre so stiff hamesha kami kyun nikalti rahti ho hamesha baat kaatne ki aadat hai learn to take a joke#mazaak hi to kar rahe hain kya yaar#ive cried so many times because i feel suffocated here and out of hate i want to act immature selfish hypocrite too so i do#i become self centered and look into my needs#but everyday bcg shows me how one stays firm in mindset even amidst surrounding of shit people#he points out to me all the time when i start acting like them he says why aren't you trying to rise above#i say ham bhi karte hai na unn chutiyon jaisa behave kyunki unhe unhi ki language mei samajh aata hai#achha ban kar honest banne se kuch nahi milta yaha#but he knows his stuff#he never does these things#however much i let evil thoughts take upon i get astounded everyday how he's practicing his rightful his honesty even tho no one's looking#it makes me want to cry#i hope he gets so ahead in life i hope he stands at the podium one day on a stage and deliver speeches where people actually can see him#like he sees the orator that come to attend our unis gatherings and says everytime kuch to baat hoti hai inn logon mei#i hope he achieves whatever he wants i hope he gets ahead of everyone all this fucking corruption#its not that he's done anything that im applauding he tries his best#and maybe teachers see that too all in class they're only looking at him and teaching they know#do you know how fucking hard it is not get corrupted in this uni and become one of those assholes that have done things unimaginable#im inspired everyday ill try my best to be like him#i do not just want to praise him i want to become someone he doesn't have to say fir tum bhi vahi karogi to kya farq reh jaayega#kuch bada nahi hota logon ki roz roz ki choti choti aadaton se pata chal jaata hai vo kaise hain
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jynjackets · 7 months
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you can tell how much shit i have to do with how active i am on this site
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scattered-winter · 1 year
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woe another tag vent session be upon ye
#one of the girls in my class looks just like her. oh my god.#like im not being dramatic i literally thought it was her in my peripheral vision.#literally almost burst into tears in the middle of the room lmaooooooo#and then for the rest of the day every time i saw someone with her hair color i just saw her.#this shit sucks fr y'all i have never almost cried in public this much#and then i had to drive to pick up some groceries and fuck.#ive never been an anxious driver. i quite enjoy driving actually.#but i literally almost had a panic attack when i first pulled onto the road. i was so fucking anxious the entire time i was behind the whee#someone came up behind me pretty fast and i legit had to pull over to calm down it was so bad#so uh. not gonna be driving for a while lol. gonna kill myself or someone else doing that.#idk. idk i think this has me pretty messed up and i probably will be for a while. idk#my roommates and i finally decorated our living room and it was . fun. we laughed and made jokes and it was fun#but well. predictably i am feeling guilty over having fun now. which sucks ass from every angle#should i probably maybe make an appointment for therapy ???? probably ???????????#idk. might be good to talk all this out out loud yk. but also i Know i will cry and i dont want to do that.#sigh. anyway.#also predictably i cannot sleep. couldnt last night either.#i might go paint in the living room. i dont know.#anyway if u read this whole rant ily ur earning the veteran's pass to Winter's Breakdown Sessions#winter speaks#personal#grief tag#<- once again if u need to blacklist. will not hold it against anybody i prommy#tw death#tw panic attack
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ironmanstan · 2 years
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School start 11 am i get home at 10 thirty i die infinitely and forever and do it all again tomorrow
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thebigqueer · 13 days
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honestly i knew going into a serious relationship before summer was going to be a bad idea because i knew something would go wrong with long distnace. i even wanted to go official AFTER summer but its also like theres no win-win because theres no tellin gwhere wed have been in our 'situationship' by the end of summer. but in a way maybe it wouldve been better if we never dated either because then i wouldnt have to be this fuckign devastated about it
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kutyaharapas · 1 year
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im only bearable when im drunk. its only bearable when im not sober
#how do other people do this genuinely asking#why is it so much easier to exist that way. why cant i be the person i am at parties and clubs#where is the switch in my brain. where is it#because it all feels so inpersonal. a performance. an act. and i hate it im tired#i dont want to be alone so im putting in the effort and i am genuinely making connections#but its not enough. this isnt enough to me#i left school today and i nearly cried and went doom spiraling again#and nothing BAD happened#maybe subconsciously im comparing myself too much to others. like oh this guy is way ahead of me already so ive basically lost at this point#oh im not in everyones dms in class that means they hate my guts and they think im weird#its exhausting to live this way. it is exhausting to live with a brain that is so allergic to changing. that is SO against me all the time.#nothing bad happened. why do i want to die anyway. what did i do. why is it never enough to me. why am i never enougu#i wont. get into substance abuse i promised that#but i cant lie when i say it makes me miserable that seemingly i dont even feel like a person without it#i iust dont know. i dont like being myself.#i am too tired too bitter to mean too avoidant too emotionless too uncaring#can i be anyone else. someone whos in love with the world and they dont have to try to love it#whatever#do i just have autism. or bpd. or am i actually just inexplicably broken forever in ways ill never know#is this normal. am i normal and i just cant handle it like everyone else can#or is there something that describes me. or am i forced to live feeling like this forever and just pretend its not there#i dont know which id hate more#i just want to stop feeling alone in it. i want to help myself more than anything#and not give in to self destruction. its just been really really hard lately#vent
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people of tumblr. i have made my stunning return.
#WHATS UP YALL?#I hope everyone is doing good and living their best life#so after what has felt like a decade I am finally officially graduating from my teaching program and inshallah becoming a teacher#I just finished my final year of internship and it was soooo sad#its crazy you don’t think your students like you or care about you and then.. you say goodbye and you realize.. like shit#seeing them upset and shocked and asking if I’ll come back man its the best and worst feeling :((#and my teachers wishing me luck and getting me gifts and telling me that I was BORN to do this#and like these were teachers who were my biggest critics#im nervous for my first year but for once I feel ready. and ive waited three years to finally feel like this#im also just really sad that I’ll be saying goodbye to my friends who have been with me in this program for five years#like we went through some of the best and worst times together and our group has become so tight#theres one guy I’ll miss a lot cause hes just someone who has been there for me and has always understood me#like we lived in the same dorm building together and didn’t know it#we were in the same classes together and never spoke to each other#and then we ended up interviewing together#and then we student taught together#and then we were constantly partnered and cried our frustrations together#and we would always have these conversations where we just saw into each other’s souls#like I remember during student teaching we just talked about how we realized that there was so much it took to engage the class#than what we were led to believe and that somedays class just couldn’t be super fun and engaging because of factors out of our control#and it was crazy we had that epiphany at the same time#and when we were out looking for jobs we just felt the exact same way about the search too#feeling overwhelmed and like we needed to push this off and then also feeling#like we’re not good enough and that it would be easier#EVERYTHING LITERALLY EVERYTHING!#my favorite personnnn ugh
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booblesmcdickles · 2 years
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barbies1shots · 4 months
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You dont have to write it if you dont want to buttt can we have reader getting revenge on toxic!sukuna THAT MAN NEEDS TO PAYYY🤬
just imagine her cheating back and then finally running away forever🤭
YESS !! we finally need a break from toxic!sukuna .
toxic!sukuna part1 toxic!sukuna part2
☆ - TOXIC themes , cheating , lying , mentions of family , praise , name calling
fedup!reader who blocks Sukuna on all media.
fedup!reader who goes to the police and files a restraining order on him.
fedup!reader who breaks down as she figures out what happened with the videos and pictures he took.
fedup!reader who clears up all the drama between her and Sukuna, claiming that everything was not consented to and most of it was abuse.
fedup!reader who goes out to try and refresh herself, wanting to start a new life away from the negative people.
fedup!reader who meets a nice man, who offers to help her move.
fedup!reader who moved different states to get away from him.
fedup!reader who now takes self defense lessions and now is at the top of her class.
fedup!reader who goes to a dinner date with her new man and figures out that a healthy relationship is what she needs.
fedup!reader who smiles and laughs in appreciation as her new man gave her jewelry as a gift.
fedup!reader who now is riding that man, making him whimper out 'pleases' and 'thank yous'
fedup!reader who smiles happily when she looks at her new man, (your fav).
fedup!reader who crys out when that man fucks her dumb, who fucks her so lovingly that shes numb from the inside out.
fedup!reader who clings onto her new man as he finishes inside of her, mumbling about how good she is.
fedup!reader who looks in the mirror and sees Sukuna standing behind her.
fedup!reader who screams to loudly and darts to the door before Sukuna can get a chance to get his hands on her.
fedup!reader who cries as she calls the cops when she hears him running after her.
fedup!reader who runs to a stop before turning on her heal before punching that man straight in his throat, having him crumbled at her feet.
fedup!reader who saw Sukuna choke on air as his throat seemed to be closing in.
"Didnt i fucking tell you to leave me alone?! I want nothing to do with you Sukuna! Youve hurt me in ways unimaginable and im done! im done with you, im done with your nasty ass head, im done with the way you try to claim me like a damn pig!"
fedup!reader who stares Sukuna straight in his eye as his hands are cuffed behind his back.
fedup!reader who flips her middle finger up at him as hes being driven away in a cop car.
fedup!reader who eventually breaks down crying as the past traumatic moments and adrenaline finally catch up to her.
fedup!reader who looks up and sees her man talk to her in a calm voice and pulling her into his chest.
"look at me, baby. i swear i wont ever leave you, i will make sure you are so happy that it will be sickening. i love you so much, baby, you can never compare. let me hold you, let me in and let me help heal you. i promise to be there at your lowest, at your highest. trust me to help pick yourself back and put yourself back on the right track. i will be by your side."
fedup!reader who burns every single letter sent out to her from Sukuna.
fedup!reader who, then months later, is now in therapy and is going so much better now.
fedup!reader whos therapist told her to make peace with the one thing thats making her have anxiety ridden episodes.
fedup!reader who vists the prison Sukuna is locked in.
"Miss me baby?"
fedup!reader whos eyes well up in tears as she explans to him everything he did wrong.
fedup!reader who stares at Sukuna with hatred as he screams in her face behind the glass.
"you cant lie, you bitch! you were begging me to let you cum! you were begging to let me fuck that pussy! you were begging me to hug and love on you! ive told you, you can escape from me, baby! give me a chance, ill make you love all again!"
fedup!reader who walks out the room with Sukuna yelling at her back that she loved everything he did.
fedup!reader who walks outside and takes a deep breathe before getting in the car and kissing (your fav) on the cheek with a nice smile.
fedup!reader who helps other women in similar situations and now has gotten a part of her life back.
fedup!reader who now has gotten away and is the most happy she will ever be away from Sukuna.
fedup!reader who posts on social media her family, two boys and a kitten, hoping Sukuna will see it when he gets out.
fedup!reader who laughs as she knows Sukuna isnt shit anymore.
ahhhhh getting revenge on Sukuna , ik it wasnt violent but if you want it violent, TELL ME !!
-Aizawas BARB !
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taesancore · 4 months
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the playlist i never sent
woonhak x f!reader
(𝐈𝐈) OUR
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a/n: finally pt.2 is here!!! this took quite some time to post and i apologise for the delay~ pt.3 might be the final one, i hope you enjoy this one and tysm for reading the series until now!!🫶🏻
🍦.ᐟ read part one here❕
🍦.ᐟ genre: f2l (idiots to lovers🤡), little angst
🍦.ᐟ warnings: idiots fr, PININGGG!!! lots of mutual pining and dumb characters, but hey nobody’s perfect :). mentions of TWS’s jihoon, Le Sserafim’s eunchae, NewJeans haerin, zb1’s yujin, IVE’s leeseo and Enhypen’s ni-ki.
wc: 4292, lowercase intended
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“you kissed her?!” jihoon had almost shouted woonhak’s ear off in class. “say it louder won’t you? i don’t think the other building heard it” he snarked as jihoon still stood dumbfounded. “no i- so she kissed you?” the boy questioned further. “i don’t know! what am i gonna do” woonhak groaned into his palms. “did you like the kiss though?” jihoon asked, wiggling his eyebrows this time as woonhak scowled at him.
truth was, he had no idea. technically she had kissed him. but he had kissed back, he had no idea why he kissed back. and a part of him had no idea how he was gonna tell this to y/n, they told eachother everything.
she doesn’t like you anyways, what’s there to worry? rang out a small voice in his head as he sighed.
“are you going to tell y/n?” jihoon questioned hesitantly, he knew how much the boy liked y/n. “no…it’s better if i don’t jihoon” woonhak said softly. yes, she showed zero signs of liking him and probably never will, but a stubborn sliver of hope in him refused to die down. and then suddenly, a bulb lit up in his head.
“however…”
꒰ 🍵 ꒱ؘ ࿐ ࿔*:・゚
you on the other hand were panicking as you should be. you couldn’t stop replaying the night’s events in your mind. somehow your mother had believed your lie of feeling sick during the event and returning home early, so staying at home and “resting” during the weekend gave you time to call eunchae over and spill everything.
“WHAT?!” she had shrieked when you told her everything. “I KNOWW THIS IS BAD” you had wailed. “no this is brilliant!! you can now confess to him!” she cried gleefully as you looked at her in disbelief. “of course not?! did you not hear a thing of what i said?? he likes someone!!” you huffed out loudly, heart sinking at the statement.
“…you seriously can’t be this dumb y/n” your friend said after a beat of silence.
“you’re right i can’t…which is why you won’t be telling him that it was me!” you cried out. ignoring eunchae’s absolutely done expression, you continued, “woonhak would never suspect me, and he did mention that he liked someone that night, so i’ll make it my mission to find out who he likes and make him believe that she was the dove girl!”.
“y/n…why would you do that?? you like him for fucks sake!” eunchae said with frustration.
“you don’t get it chae, if he finds out it was me…everything’s gonna fall apart” you replied lowly. you had already pictured his reaction if he discovered that you were the dove girl, the excitement in his eyes fading away into disappointment. you couldn’t bear the thought of losing him if he found out and your current plan was the best idea.
“besides, he’d probably have no intention of finding the girl from the ball, given the fact that he he likes someone”.
꒰ 🍵 ꒱ؘ ࿐ ࿔*:・゚
“y/n, i need your help” was the first thing woonhak had said when they met that day at his house. “sure but with what?” you had replied, puzzled at his solemn face and request. he then proceeded to fill you in about the night at the ball where he ran into the dove girl (you might have tried to hide a little grin at the nickname he gave you) and how she also abruptly left that night.
why he didn’t mention the kiss you had no idea, perhaps he really liked someone else from your class, and maybe the kiss meant nothing to him. as your dejected self let this thought sink in, you almost missed his next words.
“…so i need you to help me find her”
“you WHAT??”
woonhak ignored the way you choked on literal air as he continued to ramble on.
“—i’m thinking we’ll make an account on instagram like one of those cliche reels—“
“why do you want to find the ball girl so badly?” you interrupted him, trying to mask your anxiety. oh this was so not going your way. “because i have something that belongs to her” he said after a moment. what?
“…she dropped this while she left and it’s an important clue—“
your eyes widened to the size of golf balls as woonhak lifted a single pearl earring to show you.
fucking idiot, how did you not realise that you lost it that night?? you continued to silently hurled expletives of all sorts towards yourself as you felt your palms grow sweaty.
“you okay y/n?” woonhak questioned, probably noticing your panicky expression (you hoped he didn’t). “that’s a really expensive earring” you said in a small voice.
technically it was, your dad had bought it for you a year ago before he passed away. you really hoped you could somehow get it back but that seemed impossible as you couldn’t dare to reveal yourself.
“really? that’s the second clue! i knew you’d be good at this” woonhak beamed. “i still don’t get why you’re asking me to help you find her—or why you want to find her” you grumbled as he tsked
“because you’re my best friend?” ouch.
“besides, won’t it be a little fun too? to think of it as a secret mission of some sort!” he made a little ‘woah’ face at you with a huge smile as he flopped down onto his bed.
yeah…for you, you thought helplessly. yet you giggled at his antics as you fell onto the bed by his side, the topic of the ball lay completely forgotten as you two basked in each others presence as usual.
꒰ 🍵 ꒱ؘ ࿐ ࿔*:・゚
“kim woonhak likes someone?”
“haven’t you heard? he’s searching for the girl who danced with him in the ball!”
“he even put it up on the school page!”
“oh how i wish it was me…”
“right! wonder why she left though, such a cinderella story”
the words flew past you the minute you entered school the next day. seriously, you undermined how passionate your best friend could be as you took in the sight of multiple girls talking about what colour dresses they wore and what masks they picked. “kim woonhak you little shit” you muttered, musing over the effect he had on the freshman girls who continued to watch the reel he made, explaining the features and characteristics of the dove girl.
“seriously, at this point any of them could end up being his mystery girl” your classmate haerin scoffed as a couple of girls in the next bench looked up the cost of a peach dress online.
too bad they’ll never find the original one, you thought as you thought about your dress that your mom had taylor-maid for you.
the talk of the town, woonhak himself came to take his place behind you, booping your nose as he skipped towards his seat, casually sending butterflies to fly in your stomach. you turned around and glared at him to which he sent a cute little smile as the teacher called out for attention.
“hey, do you think she’ll come out?” came a whisper in your ear while mr. jung droned about the different clauses. “what?” you coughed out, trying your best to sound subtle.
“the dove girl, now that she knows i’m, you know, kim woonhak” he said with a cheeky tone. you sent a dry smile at that. “someone’s full of themself today” you replied as he made a sound of denial.
“woonhak and y/n! silence please” mr. jung barked out as you two fell silent. the class continued in silence as you thought about woonhak’s current plan. what if someone did step out and claim that they were the dove girl? would he believe it? if he did…it would make it easier for you won’t it?
“psst, you know she kind of reminded me of you” the boy behind you whispered again in your ear as you let out a choked noise.
“y/n is everything alright?” came mr. jung’s voice as you continued to cough into your fist. shit the whole class was looking at you.
you muttered an apology after you calmed down and shot your friend a glare, he sent you a confused expression in return. damn it, what did he find familiar?? “and how exactly did she remind you of me?” you hissed back at him as he shrugged.
“don’t know, she’s terrible at walking in heels, just like you” he snorted lightly as you held back an offended expression.
i literally ran down two floors in those heels! was what you wanted to say. obviously you couldn’t so you just rolled your eyes at him. “gee thanks hak—“
“that’s it you two! detention today evening!” mr. jung’s yell cut you off as the two of you winced.
you let out a silent groan as haerin snickered from next to you. great. just great.
꒰ 🍵 ꒱ؘ ࿐ ࿔*:・゚
“wait—what makes you think it isn’t y/n?” yujin, one of woonhak’s freshman friend piped up. “pay attention dumbass, she wasn’t at the ball” came hyunseo’s snarky reply as yujin let out an ohhh.
woonhak’s sighed as he sat up from the grass of the football turf. his friends continued to bicker as he packed up his belongings to head to detention. “enjoy detention hyung!” yujin called out as hyunseo giggled. “yeah, with y/n” she teased as woonhak smiled at their antics.
seriously, almost all their friends knew that he liked her, how didn’t she see it?
“what’s up shawty—oh i’m sorry mrs. moon” he mumbled with bright red ears as he scurried away to the seat next to you. mrs. moon let out an amused smile while you tried your best to stifle your laughter. “ah stop alreadyy” he whined as you continued to giggle.
shit your perfumed was so distracting today, it had hit him with its sweet scent today morning when he got them into detention too. he smiled to himself as they got to work with the detention essays.
an hour had passed already as woonhak lied down with his head facing yours, gazing silently at you who was fast asleep on your desk. he smiled to himself as you mumbled something softly in your sleep, rustling a little as some hair fell on your face. god, his hand yearned to move it away from your face but he held back.
“you’re practically shooting heart eyes at her you know” came the voice of mrs. moon as she observed the scene with great interest.
“it’s nothing new mrs. moon…she’s the only one who hasn’t seen them” he said softly, still not taking his eyes off the sleeping girl. his hand ghosted above your face, seriously itching to brush those stray hairs away.
ah young love, mrs. moon thought as she smiled at the scene. “try the back entrance near the turf, mr. lee is taking another detention near the front entrance” was all she said as she got up to pack her bag, shooting woonhak a small wink. his confused expression turned into a huge smile which he sent mrs. moon.
mr. moon truly was the best, he wanted to give her the biggest hug in that moment.
꒰ 🍵 ꒱ؘ ࿐ ࿔*:・゚
“psst—hey y/n!”
“….goaway”
“detention’s over dumbass”
you woke up to meet woonhak’s face inches away from yours. the last time he was that close to you was when you kissed—
stop. stop thinking about that. stop thinking about his lips—
he stepped back quickly, clearing his throat as you registered your surroundings.
“get up sleeping beauty, we have to escape”
you sat up with bleary eyes as woonhak grabbed your hand, pulling you up. well that definitely had you a little awake as you looked at his nonchalant demeanour as he casually interlinked your fingers. ok, you two were really good friends, this is normal, yeah.
“ok…now we run” woonhak said once you two were near the class door.
“what—“
you had no time to process as you found yourself dashing across the corridor with a hand in woonhak’s own. the wind whipped across your face as he laughed at your bewildered cry of “why are we running??”
“who’s there!” came a roar from the classroom you ran past. fuck, mr. choi. “shit!” woonhak yelled as he sprinted faster, nearly causing you to trip in the process.
“fuck your never ending spaghetti legs kim woonhak!” you hollered as mr. choi’s shouts faded into the background. the evening glow of the sun was nothing compared to his bright smile as he whooped, he was now running next to you as both of you started laughing at the thrill of it all.
“that was—oh my god!” you giggled as the two of you slowed down while panting and breathing in. his hand was still in yours, you realised, but you didn’t want to tell him that, in the fear of him pulling it away.
“should we get some food?” woonhak murmured, taking in their surrounding area which was the neighbourhood filled with eateries and stores near his house; a popular stop for your classmates who went on dates. you really hoped he didn’t realise that (though a part of you was hoping he brought you here on purpose).
“sure” you said as you led him to the nearest ice cream shop.
her hand is still in mine, whatamisupposedtodo.
woonhak hoped you didn’t notice how sweaty his palm was, how couldn’t it be? he was sure he’d been holding your hand for more than a solid fifteen minutes for now and just how were you so calm about it??? his insides were nearing combustion and here you were happily looking at the different ice cream flavours.
“one cookies and cream and a mint chocolate please!” you chirped as woonhak smiled at himself. you remembered his usual order—
of course you did, you two always had ice cream together, why was he so giddy about this?
“are you guys together? there’s a couple’s discount along with a cake on the house if you are!” the guy behind rhe counter who’s tag read ‘jaehyun’ quipped.
“ah actually—“
“yes we are!”
woonhak’s eyes nearly popped out of his head as he stared at you. you on the other hand squeezed his hand as you turned towards jaehyun with a smile.
“great! please have a seat over there!” he replied cheerfully as he shot you two a grin.
“what was that about??” woonhak said as soon as you sat down, his hand was unfortunately no longer in yours as he sat on the opposite of you.
“hey, you gotta seize the opportunity” you said while taking a bite of your ice cream.
moments like these, where you nonchalantly and so easily made his heart flutter, was the reason he was charmed by you. “you could’ve said that you wanted free cake” he grumbled, trying to hide his flushed cheeks.
“hey! does the idea of being my boyfriend sound that bad” you scoffed, causing his eyes to widen. you really had to applaud your acting skills because you were mentally screaming in your head, for when had you gotten this bold??
“t-that’s not what i meant! stop twisting my words!” woonhak cried dramatically, causing you to laugh. “by the way, how’s the search for your mystery girl going?” you slowly asked.
“i swear to god— the amount of people who obviously aren’t the dove girl are all up in my dms, i know that they aren’t her!” he insisted.
“how do you know they aren’t?”
“i’m telling you, they literally had pics of themselves in different dresses posted and yet they’re trynna tell me they were the dove girl!”
“never mind then” you said.
“but one of them seems suspicious you know”
he said suddenly. your ears perked up at this, this was a positive sign!
“who?”
“you know seowon right?”
know her? your insides deflated at his question. of course you knew her. woonhak’s dance partner for last year’s yearly festival. she was a trainee from STAR entertainment and honestly? she had always had a thing for woonhak, literally everyone could see it. you were sure he probably did at some point too, given the chemistry they had, maybe he still does-
“y/n?” you jolted as woonhak snapped his fingers in front of your eyes.
“ah seriously how are you sleepy already? you literally snoozed an hour ago!” he complained as you scowled playfully at him.
“as i was saying…seowon had a picture of herself wearing an orange dress on her profile—it isn’t clear enough but it looks…”
bingo.
“then it could be her!” you said in false excitement.
“i don’t know…it doesn’t feel like it’s her…” he said unsurely.
“tell you what, i’ll spy on her tomorrow” you said seriously. oh you will, you had a clear plan now and couldn’t wait to spill this to eunchae (you were a 100% sure she’d jus call you a dumbass but still!).
“you’re gonna look like a creep” woonhak wrinkled his nose.
“oh shut up hak”.
꒰ 🍵 ꒱ؘ ࿐ ࿔*:・゚
“you’re the most dumbest dumbass i’ve ever met y/n y/l/n” eunchae declared the next day as you two drove to school in your car.
“i don’t even know what she did but i agree” came mr. yoon’s voice from the drivers seat as you made a sound of betrayal.
“mr. yoon! how could you?” you cried as he snickered.
“no seriously y/n! you wanna talk to seowon and ask her to be the mystery girl? are you hearing yourself?” eunchae repeated your plan in disbelief.
“he already thinks it’s her chae, it’ll be the best way to close this case” you sighed.
“you could just tell him, that it was you you know, why are you doing this to yourself?”she questioned softly. she really hated seeing you hurting yourself while always placing others before you.
“because i know, he’d never see me in the same way again if i do chae” you said sadly.
“i’d rather be sad while seeing him happy with someone who isn’t me than lose him completely”.
AN HOUR LATER~
why you put yourself in these kind of places you had no idea. yet here you were, hiding behind a bathroom stall as you ‘spied’ on seowon and her friends who were busy talking two eachother.
“come on! it so was you seowon that night at the ball” one of the girls gave a little squeal.
“yeah! why don’t you fess up to kim woonhak?”
“you two are practically made for eachother you know” another swooned as seowon shyly exclaimed.
“stop it you guys!”
well. they seemed to be fixed on the fact that their friend was the one. no wonder woonhak was a bit suspicious. “but you know, he asked us if you were with us at the ball, and we said you weren’t” another girl replied.
your ears perked up at this, you could weave a story with this one that’ll seem convincing…right?
the bell rang at that moment as you heard the shuffling of their feet while they walked out of the washroom. you stepped out a minute later but stopped due to your phone ringing. oh it’s mom.
“hello—“
“y/n, we have to attend director min’s party next week.”
it’s like she only cared about you when you had to attend events like this. not once did she ever call to check up on you or ask you about your day.
“—so you’ll have enough time to find yourself a date, bring woonhak if you’d like” her voice came through the speakers.
“okay, love you mom” you said.
“hmm”. the line went dead.
you put the phone down, trying to ignore the tears prickling your eyes. seriously why were you acting up today? this was nothing new anyways.
but why did you feel like your heart was being crushed into a million pieces?
“find a date…shit”.
꒰ 🍵 ꒱ؘ ࿐ ࿔*:・゚
“put that phone away mr. popular, we have fifteen minutes left!” jihoon chided a busy woonhak, who was currently groaning at the number of dms in his account.
“i don’t get it…they all obviously aren’t the dove girl so why are they—oh?”
“what now?” jihoon said, exasperatedly as he peeked into his friend’s phone.
“kang seowon?” he added, puzzled as he read the dm she sent.
“what…the fuck” a hushed whisper came from him as woonhak stared at the message, expressionless.
꒰ 🍵 ꒱ؘ ࿐ ࿔*:・゚
you walked back towards your classroom after lunch, discussing the ‘date’ situation with haerin.
“i’m assuming you’ll ask woonhak then” she said as you pondered. that could work.
“you’re right…i’ll check with him and return, save me a seat!” you called out as you made his way towards his class, did he have math or science in the next period?
“yo woonhak, i—“ you faltered as you saw him in a serious conversation with none other than kang seowon. she was smiling shyly at him while he had a blank expression on him.
“y/n hi!” she chirped at you. “i was just asking woonhak if we could meet next saturday, as a little get-to-know-eachother hangout!”
this was it. you had done all the spying for nothing after all. you should’ve been feeling happy, relieved even. yet, why did you feel like everything was crumbling down?
“r-really? that’s cool! you said with faux enthusiasm, missing the look woonhak gave you. “that’s a really good idea you know—“
“y/n can i talk to you?” woonhak cut you off with a serious expression.
“hak what happened?” you said once he pulled you to the corner near the classroom. you could see seowon peeking at your direction curiously.
“is it really cool? with you? he questioned with the same expression.
“think about it, it’ll make it easier to find out if she’s the dove girl or not!” you explained as his expression morphed into an unreadable one.
“is that really what you think?” he asked.
“yes woonhak” you smiled, ignoring the growing lump in your throat.
his eyes refused to meet yours. he had seen this coming anyways, yet it hurt like a thousand needles every time you sent him reminders like these. reminders that make his remaining hope want to extinguish itself completely.
“i’ll see you next week” seowon said while walking away, with a coy smile which she directed at him. he felt nothing though, just like how he felt nothing when he saw her message where she asked him to meet up. she might be dove girl though woonhak, he told himself, hoping to get some of his optimism back with the possibility. yet he couldn’t bring himself to.
“what were you going to tell me? earlier when you came here” he asked as you faced him.
“huh? oh—nothing really” you muttered, suddenly gazing at the ground beneath you with interest.
“okay then” he said, stepping away with hands in his pockets.
“have fun…next week” you let out, giving him a weak smile.
“thanks” he replied with a dry smile as he walked away to his class.
you stared at the direction where he walked off to with a whirlwind of emotions swirling in your mind. god your head hurt. everything made no sense right now, wasn’t this what you wanted?
yeah. this wasn’t the time to overthink.
you needed a date, and there was no way in hell you were going to ask woonhak now. not when he had a date on the same day.
꒰ 🍵 ꒱ؘ ࿐ ࿔*:・゚
you had reached home a little later than usual, mr. yoon was visibly concerned at the change in your usually chatty behaviour after school but decided not to bring it up.
he was however, a hundred percent sure that it involved your best friend woonhak though, seriously everyone was able to see how head over heels you were for him.
your mood indeed was pathetic. all you wanted to go home and do was eat a heavy meal and sleep, to temporarily forget the events that took place today. however you had a terrible surprise waiting for you, as you were greeted by a face you absolutely detested, once you entered your house.
“y/n! it’s great to see you here, you look beautiful as usual” drawled eunbin, who shot you a sleazy smile. yuck.
“eunbin, i wish i could say the same” you deadpanned, ignoring his eyes that roamed over your frame. yuck again.
sung eunbin was the son of your mother’s senior at work, whom you often met at the events you accompanied your mother to. and every single time he attended, he made sure to let you know that he was single and ready to mingle.
seriously, he always managed to give you the ick whenever you met him.
“y/n! get ready and join us for dinner, meanwhile you can show eunbin your room!” your mom called out, further dampening your mood. seriously, today had to be one of the most annoying days ever.
“how’re you feeling about the party next week? i take it that you don’t have a date?” he jeered as he followed you to your room. jeez this guy couldn’t take a hint to save his life.
“it really isn’t any of your business you know” you shot back as you slammed the door to your room shut. if only you could skip dinner and be in here forever.
“seriously though, i don’t get why you never let me be your date” eunbin said the minute you stepped out of your room, dressed in formal attire.
“i mean, i’m practically doing you a favour, given you being single and all…” he smirked cockily at your irked expression.
oh he was really testing your patience today. scratch that, the entire world was testing your patience today.
“who said i was?” you snapped back, without realising the words that came out of your mouth.
“oh?” his eyebrows flew up into his hairline. “do enlighten me”.
“yeah, i’ve got a boyfriend”.
just what did you land yourself into?
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a/n pt.2: im literally posting this at 1:30am rn so i’ll recheck for any errors in the morning! meanwhile do like and reblog if you enjoyed reading this! feel free to comment to be added to the taglist, and stay tuned for pt.3!!
🖇️: @woonagi-lemon @luvhanniex
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pinkandlilacroses · 5 months
Text
⋆ ˚。⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚。⋆
Angel - Paige bueckers
part 3
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• summary {when an unsuspecting girl falls for the basketball star}
• warnings {drug use, angst}
• comment if you would like to be added to the taglist
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bella’s pov
“ok you can go now” she says, emotionless
“oh”
“i mean, no offence but i have a girl coming soon, so you cant be here” she says laying on her back, breaking our eye contact
i don’t respond and put my clothes back on. this is fucked
“have a nice night”
i haven’t cried this much in months, walking through the halls, ugly crying.
‘paige’ has been blocked by ‘bella’
“bella whats wrong” avery says, empathetically
“i hate her, i hate her so much” i cry, barley being able to choke the words out
i look at avery after my response and i have never seen her that angry, there could fully be steam coming from her ears.
“please dont talk to her, please dont hurt her, please avery, please” i cry out, begging the infuriated girl
“why not bella, she deserves it” she yells
my tears dont stop and i feel like they will never stop pouring.
“tell me what she did”
i begin the tell her the events of tonight and her anger only grows.
“that fucking bitch” is all she can say in response
“but i blocked her, and im literally never gonna speak to her again” i say, trying to make a positive point, to counteract this negative situation
“you are never gonna speak to her again”
“im gonna go off to bed”
i feel broken, i got used. i wanted my first time with a girl to be meaningful, i know i like girls and i wanted to prove to myself that having sex with girls wasn’t wrong, but i feel wrong, i feel gross. i cant believe i would let myself be that vulnerable with someone i barley know. ive never been the one to have one night stands and ive only ever had sex with someone ive been in a relationship with.
i take my valium, something i swore to never use again after getting addicted, but its the only thing that works.
“hey, how are you feeling” avery ask’s, genuinely. i’ve never seen her be this gentle before
“wheres my weed”
“bella no”
“shut up avery”
i walk to the kitchen and unlock one of the drawers, and i see the stash. thank god
i know i shouldn’t smoke as a coping mechanism, but its the only thing that works, every time something bad happens to me, i turn to smoking
after going through 3 joints, im barley able to talk or stand up. perfect
knock
ugh
knock
fuck off
knock
“who is it” i say, it barley even sounded like words
“its azzi, is avery here”
who the fuck is azzi
“avery theres a bitch here for you” i say taking another drag
“oh my god! hey azzi” avery says, excitedly, why the fuck is she acting like that
“why are you so fucking happy” i ask, knowing full well how rude i sound
“this is azzi, shes in my psychology class and we have gotten pretty close” avery says, grabbing azzi and sitting next to me on the couch
“yo dont sit on my shit” i say, mad
“your bella right?” azzi says, happily. i hate happy people
“yeah”
“yeah avery’s told me alot about you” she says
“cool” i reply, dryly
“azzis on the basketball team” avery says, my eyes widen
“of course she is” i say, sarcastically. i hate basketball
“yeah, have you been to any games” she questioned, attempting to continue this boring conversation
“nah, i dont watch basketball”
“oh well you should sometime, avery keeps saying how she wants to go to a game” azzi says, looking at avery who begins giggling. sus
“bella your probably friends with some people on the team” avery says
“you wanna hit” i offer to azzi
“nah, i dont smoke”
“boring” i say, bluntly
“do you guys mind if some of my friends come over” azzi says
“no, no, thats perfectly fine” avery says, looking at azzi. basically eye fucking her
“who” i ask
“ice, kk, aubrey, nika and ashlee” she lists
fuck my life. im to high to care
“yeah whatever” i say, lazily
“ok perfect, ill tell them to come” azzi says, excitedly
“are you sure” avery whispers to me, being nice. for once
“i dont give a fuck, its fine” i say taking a drag
im so high. god damn
10 minutes later all of azzis friends turn up, why are they all so tall. what the fuck
avery introduces herself to them and points them to our couch
“hey im kk, your bella right” kk asks
“yeah im bella”
“hey im ice”
“hey im nika”
“hey im ashlee”
“hey im aubrey”
to many people to remember
until
“oh paige came to, i hope you dont mind” azzi says to us, mostly avery
avery says nothing, myself included
“hi paige” avery says, extremely cold
“come sit guys” azzi says, breaking the silence. i wish i wasn’t so high cause i wanna go to my room
everyone sits on the couch, paige sitting the furthest away from me. funny. not funny. not laughing
conversation begins and everyone is involved. everyone but me, ugh i’m so uncomfortable
paige keeps looking at me, and yes i’m noticing because i’m looking at her to.
paige’s pov
fuck. why do i keep looking at her.
she blocked me last night so obviously shes mad about my actions last night, its just a hookup, nothing more.
its not that deep
“i’m going to bed” bella says, slurring and barely able to stand up. i didn’t know she smoked that much, i guess i don’t know anything about her. but i don’t care.
“paige are you ready to go” kk and ice say to me
“yeah, aubrey, nika, azzi, u ready to go”
“yeah lets go”
“actually im gonna stay” azzi says. sus
“buy guys” is said in unison
azzis pov
“ugh finally” avery says, while smashing her lips onto mine
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A/N: im being active rn lolll. how do we like avery and azzi
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broooooo · 10 months
Text
Latex freedom
It was as if it was yesterday
I can still feel the pleasure, the euphoria of freedom that I gained.
_
I'm Asher, 20 years old and I don't have much going for myself.
I live in a world where latex rubber drones Rome, as if it's a rite of passage amongst society, to be assimilated is seen as an honour, whether or not you want it or not.
I love alone in a small apartment, iv always felt trapped inside my home, my parents were overwhelming and overprotective, so iv always been alone and outcasted, and now I'm alone, I want to be free to do what I've missed out on, yet I'm stuck .. emotions stop me, iv never been sexually active before, idk what it feels like..
How I wish I knew
_
I watch on my phone one night, as usual I witness the conversions of people, public or In private, seeing how they change , it makes my heart hurt for what I don't have
That is when I got a message from someone I recognise...
His name was once Aaron, we actually live in the same building,were neighbours and old class mates...to be truthful , yet we have never interacted, IV only ever seen him from outside my window peeking through curtains , really I idolized him, he's everything I wanted to be
He recently was assimilated .. I heard he had what could only be described as a, divine enlightenment, I can still hear his moans in my head,
The name on the message was -# 6923
The name he gained after it was complete, Aaron can still be used, yet only in private and usually only between friends .
I'm surprised to get a message, I wonder what it's about and start imagining it, before going on it to read it .. it seems the opportunity has arrived.
An opportunity for freedom ..
Aaron - hey what's up neighbour?
Me- i- hello ...I'm doing fine . I guess.
Aaron- nice to hear... How would you like to hang with me?
Me- (huh? ...Heart beating) - i- sure.. I don't mind.
Aaron - I'll come over to yours tomorrow at 12,ok?
Me- ok..
-that is where it ended .
I could already guess the outcome of tomorrow, yet I'm scared and excited, will my emotions hold me back once more .or?
It was hard to sleep with my mind in a frenzy, it was a sudden difference in my life I want to take advantage of.
_
Come morning, I wake up and immediately get ready. Not like there's much to do
I'm usually tidy but it didn't Hurt to freshen up a bit.
I want to look presentable but all my clothes are baggy and worn, le sigh ... It will have to do
Come 12- I'm nervous...
I can hear to stomp of leather boots . .then a slight nock at the door.
It was him...
I run to the door and gently open it. There he was, a tall muscular young man, leather boots and .. her wore some tight leather pants, a latex t-shirt and gloves.
Although the regular drone latex suit is also worn by some, once a drone, you still are yourself and remember everything, dressing up in different types of latex and leather is something that can be done.
His long white blonde hair flows and his piercing blue eyes...
Errr hi ... Come in, i say
Aaron smiles , hello neighbour. As he walks in.
The sent of latex in the air
I close the door and we both sit down, I had brought orange soda for us to drink and chat.
_
Aaron then speaks up . So how have you been recently Asher? He says with a warm smile
I- iv been fine .. I guess I say in a slight down tone, my eyes looking out the window ..
Aaron puts down his drink and shuffles over to me .. he mildly embraces me with a soft hug. In a soft voice ... It must be hard to live alone like this... Ik how you feel...
I look to him, I can feel his warm energy.. I speak in a somber tone ...
So... You've heard my cries .. haven't you?
(he had always worried if his floor would notice his breakdowns.. whether or not they did, I guess it would be awkward to ask what the sound was )
Aaron then He says in a soft voice.. y yes.... It seems your bedroom is behind mine.... Iv heard it all.
I become embarrassed instantly... Oh I'm so sorry you had to hear all that... I say in a rushed tone.
Aaron Giggles slightly. It's fine it's fine.. ik how you feel, I felt the same way before
He puts his hand on mine.. it's the first time iv felt latex like this before..
I rub my hand against it,, it's soft and warm..
Aaron smiles at me.. nice isn't it?
I blush slightly out of embarrassment.. ehe it is... I guess..
Then sigh... I say sadly... How do you know it will work for me? I don't even know what being turned on feels like.. iv never had a boner before.
Aaron smiles. And softly rubs my hand. I understand your concern Asher.. you don't need to worry. I'm here to slowly guide you.
I felt concerned when I heard your cries .. and knew if I came over. Maybe I could help free you from that pain
Hearing this I let out a tear and and hug Aaron.. (I can hear his heart)
I - thank you.. but I don't even know how to even begin.....
Aaron hugs me back.. don't worry .. leave that up to me.
When we superate Aaron takes his glove off ..
He says In a soft voice holding it out towards me,
Just like he did for me..I will be here along side you ,
I look at the glove a bit shocked... But don't you need it?
He giggles, he puts his hand up and I witness latex forming around the skin into a new glove ..
I stare mesmerized by what I just saw... Wow I say.
Aaron then picks up the glove and motions to me hand, Cinderella style , he gently slides the glove onto my hand,..
This is the first step aaron says in a calm voice . The key is your imagination, if you fantasize and dream about it, it can become reality no matter what.. ik you want this... And I will be a door away if you want company.
I smile... Thank you Aaron..
_
After a nice chat and drinks we parted ways and I've as again alone
I go to my bed a turn on the TV to the assimilation channel to watch others become drones
Listening to the sounds.. the pleasure they experience.. the complete freedom they gain..
Siting up back against a pillow
I look at my hand, it's still very much gloved in latex .
I put my hand against my face , smelling it, feeling it, tasting it...
It felt soft and warm like him, it smelled.. like him.,
My mind had been in a state I'd never known , it felt so good I didn't want to leave, like a dream... I remember his words.. dream and it will become reality..,
i didn't know if I was sleeping or not , but to dreamt about it.. iv watched enough porn and transformations to get the general idea of what it looks like..
To be horny... Yes .. I want to be horny ... I want to get a boner. I want to goon and leak... I want to cum
Then I wake up from my state, I was hot , and steamy? My gloved hand still against my face I pull away .
But then my eyes widened, my heart races, emotion clogs my throat. And I'm on the verge of tears..
It was my dick.. i finally got one.. a Boner . The biggest smile on my face
With speed I striped fully naked and in a heartbeat I used my latex hand and went to town.
Ha hahahaha so this is.... What it feels like..m my eyes gloss over in my new found pleasure.... I was so happy. I started to drool, the smell his latex still on my face and mind
I started to leak pre, it was a sight beyond my wildest dreams. .
Haha ha has I awwww , i laugh , moan and cry, ... Fully immersed in my feelings....
It felt like a lifetime of pain had been lifted
I, I was doing it
I had a throbbing hard dick and I was so horny . I wish this I could be like this forever..
Then the climax ... Through Drool, and pree my eyes roll back in supreme pleasure as I cum for the first time..
Ropes upon ropes of cum spewed all over me, my mind shut of from the pleasure as my dick kept shooting cum....
it felt like a blissful dream , I fell asleep, dreaming of it again, I wanted to cum more.. i wanted more latex ..
With that thought the cum around his body had soaked into his skin and latex blossomed
It slowly covered Asher's body, building his muscles up and giving him a large dick, balls so large he will never run out of cum. A dick meant for a horny drone...
Yes .. he thought .. he can see and feel in , he can see it happening in his dream, latex covering him. .. large heavy leather boots form on his feet. A tight latex t shirt... Tight bondage straps .. leather pant... And a cool latex tie .. a fun drone uniform . . Just like him..m just like Aaron ...his idol ,The one who gave him freedom... The freedom to cum, to be horny .. he felt so aroused , he was ready to be. Drone, ready, to .obey.. ready to cum
Programing set in as his new drone identity was made...
Drone 6924..
A perfect neighbour number...
Hehe he smiled ..
Thank you.. so much.....aaron... He thought before finally falling into a blissful but horny sleep
When asher woke up he was smiling, his dick was hard and leaking from within his pants . He was so happy it wasn't a dream ...
He was so happy... So horny..
Awww he moaned..
He got a sudden text . He looked over to it .
Aaron - must of had a great time Asher .. I'm proud.. I told you it would work : D
Me- i- it was like nothing I'd ever experienced... I I can't thank you enough....
Aaron- your welcome .. drone 6924-
Now why don't you come over and we hang? You can join me for your first assignment.. then maybe can . Have some fun.. together?
Me- I'll be right over. .. drone 6923
The thought of seeing him again made me cum in pleasure .
The cum gets soaked into my latex skin , my dick still hard and leaking.
Forever horny and ready to cum . Just like a good drone should be
Asher got up. Admiring his new body , and loving it all, the boots giving him a kick of pleasure
He was so happy, he finally achieved his dream of freedom from his life, his depressing feelings
No more he said. His dick ready to go, he walks over to Aaron's door and nocks
The beginning of his new life as a horny rubber drone.
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O: a late night story for you all. I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed it
Xoxo- drone 6923- and 6934
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robo-boy · 27 days
Note
Freaky anon needs some Andre dedicated headcanons PWEASE. 👅👅👅👅👅
(can be abt literally anything. Freaky anon just needs Andre content. Because freaky anon relates to Andre too much)
andre hcs
btw i do not care if this is ooc or whatever. hes my oc atp 🙂
- got a bowl cut in 7th grade and cannot live it down
- scaredy cat. cant handle roller coasters, haunted houses, horror movies, or anything that he finds personally scary
- he has an irrational fear of the book "where the wild things are"
- bipolar (ive said this before but i cant help myself)
- his favorite soda is orange fanta and he gets shamed for it every day (rightfully so)
- he was a quiet kid in class but if you saw him in public he would be screaming and yelling
- he has autism in his eyes
- chronic coffee drinker. in the morning, during the day, before bed
- either the best on the track team or the absolute worst. up to you.
- he has a staring problem. hes the opposite of "bad at eye contact". hes too good at it
- hes the listener between him and cal
- hes never cried at a sad movie but has cried to "hello" by adele
- probably crushed on rachel for a short period of time, never told her, but it was EXTREMELY obvious
- tying into the previous point: hes obvious with his crushes. trips over his words around them, gives little gifts, all the lovey dovey shit
- loves mel with his whole heart and freaks out completely when she accidentally gets out of the house
thanks for reading love yall
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jqmalikhsgib · 8 months
Text
quest
nine
tik tok tik tok
the clock was definitely mocking you. waiting patiently for aaron to arrived while you sat across from the woman that was about to listen to you about your marriage, divorce, family, and more.
she just smiles at you. soon enough you sigh in relief when aaron walks into the room.
he clears his throat as he sits right beside you. “sorry im late.”
“that’s okay. shall we get started?”
aaron hums. “what brings you two in today?
the two of you look at one another. aaron was the first one to speak. telling the doctor your story. it made you uneasy when she just nods and writes down the information.
“how does that make you feel mister hotchner? finding out you have three other children that you didn’t know about?”
“in the beginning i was livid. knowing that she took two years away from knowing my children, our children! it made me angry. but i realized i was just angry at myself. i did this to us. i ruined that relationship.”
“how do you feel yn?”
“i feel guilty. maybe if i just—maybe if i just stayed and listen to reason none of this would have happened. i blame everything that happened in the last two years on myself. maybe then he wouldn’t have died.”
your biological father. aaron didn’t know you felt this way. you took all that blame. all that heartbreak that should have fallen on your dad. it wasn’t your fault. he needed you to know that this wasn’t your fault.
“darling, this isn’t your fault. none of this is on you. im sorry if i have ever made you feel like this was on you.”
“but you haven’t.”
“but i have though. ive been so short with you since you’ve been home. im not use to talking about how i feel.”
“why is that aaron?”
aaron turns to look at the doctor. he sighs. rubbing his hands onto his face.
“i would say it’s my job. that with what i do we always have to stay alert and keep how we personally feel aside. that may be the case but i think it’s deeper than that.”
“what do you mean?”
“growing up, my father, he wasn’t exactly a nice man. he would come home after working a case and he’d shut us down. verbally abusing us until we felt small and weak. he would call us that too if i recall. my mother was never really around. she didn’t really want children. my father was a traditional man though. marriage, kids, you name it. the physical abuse didn’t happen until he was sick. cancer. my mom would come back home just to take care of him. i assumed he felt emasculated. having his wife take care of him because he was getting weak by the day. so he took his anger out on sean and i. i took the most of it. not wanting my brother to suffer like that. if i showed any sighs of weakness while he hit me it’ll just make him angrier and hit harder. over time i became emotionless to his rage. that angered him even more. over time he—he was too weak to hurt a fly. my mother continued to take care of him while i took care of my brother. eventually my father died. we didn’t even have a proper funeral. just buried him next to my grandfather who beat him before because despite everything, that’s what he wanted. he still loved him. and in a way, i still loved my father. he was still my dad despite everything. but i showed no emotions. it’s not what he would have wanted. my brother on the other hand cried.”
“what about your mother?”
aaron scoffs. “she fell out of love with him the moment she married him. my father was known for cheating on my mom. she didn’t care much. she was different from my father. she grew up wealthy. only marrying my father because she got pregnant with me. her father forced them into marriage so she wouldn’t be labeled as the town whore and ruin their reputation. my father worked hard for his money. growing up lower middle class he had to. in a way my relationship with my mom was far worse than my father. at least my father showed some kind of affection. my mom was emotionless. only caring about her reputation and how she was perceived. i believe that’s why she took care of my father in the first place. instead of hiring someone to do it. so she could brag to her posh friends about how much of a great wife and mother she was.”
“is she still living today?”
aaron hums. “haven’t spoken to her since she met my late wife, haley. she didn’t like haley. never wanted me to marry her.”
“why’s that?”
“because—because she wasn’t as wealthy as us. she was middle class, haley. because of that my mother didn’t find her worthy. she didn’t want me to have a loveless marriage like hers. her words exactly. she doesn’t know a thing about my life. she doesn’t know about jack, haley’s passing, me getting remarried. nothing!”
“do you think she’d like yn?”
aaron avoids your eyes. he wanted to avoid the question altogether. he knew she wouldn’t. why is what pissed him off and made him feel ashamed.
“aaron?”
he clears his throat. “no.”
“and why not?”
“because—my mom wasn’t racist. not in the sense you would think. she never called anyone who was of color a slur. but she was raised to believe that you should marry your own kind of people. that mixing up your ‘values’ with others would only confuse your children in the end.”
you had no idea aarons mother was that way. only knowing the details he explained about his father. he never talked about his mom. now you understand why.
“aaron, i had no idea. why didn’t you tell me?”
“because i felt ashamed. ashamed of having her as a mother.”
“you shouldn’t feel that way though aaron. she doesn’t speak for you or for our kids.”
aaron holds your hand.
“listening to you both and hearing your family history, i think it’s safe to say that you, yn, you have a hard time listening to others. you’re so afraid to find out the truth because it could potentially hurt you. it’s why you stopped talking to your siblings in the end. you knew they knew something about your father. it’s why you ran when your biological father told you the truth. and it’s why you left aaron. you were afraid if he came home that night and you pressed him on the issue he would admit his feelings for his ex wife and leave you. it’s why you left first. you didn’t wanna face the reality that the one good thing in your life for the longest time would end.”
you look at aaron. knowing what she was saying was absolutely true.
“and you aaron, you’re afraid of being yourself. showing any emotion is a sign of weakness all because of your father. you also don’t wanna end up like him. to raise your kids that way. it’s why you most likely teach them it’s okay to express themselves. showing them that having emotions and feelings is part of being human. you have this fear that your marriage could fail again and maybe your mother was right. maybe mixing classes and culture could ruin a marriage. but it makes you feel guilty. one of the reasons why you pushed your first marriage away and tried to push your second marriage away.”
aaron grabs your hand. he gently rubs it. feeling all kinds of guilt with what the doctor states.
“but neither of you are seeing the reality of it all. you both willingly came to therapy because you want to fix this marriage. you want this to work out. not only for the kids. but also for yourselves. i noticed that the moment the both of you spoke. have you ever stopped to notice you’re both still wearing your wedding bands? and you still call each other husband and wife, despite being divorced for the last few years? it’s because a piece of paper doesn’t determine your love for one another. you two are still married and have been even with the separation.”
the two of you look at one another lovingly. you loved each other. despite the past, despite your childhood, despite the divorce, the drama! you loved him and he loved you.
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i changed the story title and also made a playlist! each part will have a new song added to it. it will be titled the same as the song
anyway there is a tiny bit of a foreshadowing here so 👀
hoped you enjoyed
if you wanna be added or unadded to the taglist please let me know
taglist:
@ivebeenthearchersstuff @shergoretzxx @slut4ethan @rosiehale23 @madesavage05 @whotfskai @vodkori @zaddyhotch @14buddy22
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lakesbian · 9 months
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what do you think the baby undersiders were like :)
you all might be reading this ask and thinking. Ah yes, this is going to be a post about jean-paul. iota loves jean-paul, possibly to an unreasonable extent. Well jokes on fucking you. ive already posted a lot about jean-paul. this post is going to be about baby brian now. i think about brian more than you guys even remotely know and now we're having Brian Time. lakesbian goes brianmoded.
anyway. in my head brian laborn was a very silent serious little child who always took things too literally. one of those children random adults would call an "old soul" in a complimentary way but all it means is the child has already lost all their joie de vivre at the age of ten. you know how in aisha's interlude when she finds out her mom is pregnant again she hopes the drugs & alcohol result in a miscarry so that some poor third laborn kid doesn't have to deal with All The Bullshit? i don't think brian consciously had that full entire thought when he found out he was going to have a little sibling, but i do think somewhere in his little seven year old mind he reacted with a sort of creeping dread and advance desire to protect his yet-to-be-born sibling more than with any sort of excitement.
i think he was, of course, always the tallest kid in class, and he did not like sticking out like that at all. he got used to it eventually but i think on many an occasion he has imagined picking someone asking him about the weather or basketball up and flattening them hydraulic press style. but also, he always felt very Special and Helpful and Masculine when he had to get things off shelves for women. and he liked when elderly people called him a Polite Young Man for it, and he did not think anything negative about the fact that people were already calling him a Young Man when he was 12 or 13, because he figured he was just supposed to keep being a Polite Young Man. i think one time when he was like 8 his mother's boyfriend ran over a cat on the road even though he didn't have to do that and it made brian so sad he cried and he couldn't stop crying even when he got told to stop fucking crying and he doesnt like to think about that memory very much at all.
i think aisha liked when brian held her a lot as a small child and he was always doing it and he liked giving her rides on his shoulders because it felt like being a responsible fun big brother and then she stopped wanting to do that and started thinking he was lame and he would never admit that he wishes she still wanted to. i am. Always thinking about how when he went to go pick her up on the day he triggered she ran and jumped into his arms. do you think that was the last time he held her? i bet it was. [through tears] i bet it was
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