#ive never in my life managed to not GIVE UP completely with something ive been working on for hours

[magnumopos]

[moonstruckme]

happy new year lovie!!!! i feel bad for requesting this bc just thinking ab the volume of ur inbox is a little overwhelming and ive gone a bit overboard 😭

but..... bodyguard!james finds out his mum is quite sick right before his shift one day and leaves to take care of her after letting reader know. he has to take the week off and reader is visiting and bringing them their favorite homecooked meals everyday (which she has memorised bc, bless him, james loves to talk abt his mum) and james is LOVEEESTRUCK. she's there, bright and early every morning (with a different bodyguard bc god forbid she leaves the house with no protection right in front of james' own two eyes!!!) with muffins and flowers and bags of food in hand :( james is enamored and so sweet on her!!!!! and reader is obsessing over how vulnerable and emotionally in tune james is at a time like this!!!!! i'm thinking maybe confessions are getting pretty hard to hold back by the end of the week ☹️🩷

thank you! (if you do decide to write this or if you dont for letting me ramble on in your asks x)

Don't feel bad my love! Thank you for requesting :)

cw: sick family member

bodyguard!James x fem!reader ♡ 1.3k words

No matter how many times James has visited home throughout his adult life, he always manages to discover something he’s forgotten about living there. Like how particular his mum is about the way the dish towel is folded, or which drawer the scissors are kept in, or the ungodly amount of door-to-door salesmen that come by on a daily basis. 

Lately, he’s being plagued by the last. He recalls them being vaguely annoying when he was younger, but James’ family is currently going through a difficult time that leaves one with somewhat frayed nerves. He very nearly snapped at a particularly tenacious primary school student selling chocolate yesterday. Not one of his finer moments. 

So when the doorbell rings while his mum is trying to sleep down the hall, James has to make an effort to reel his wrath back in before he’s even answered it. 

Funnily enough, any negative emotion completely evaporates when he sees you on the front steps. 

“Hi,” you say, looking apprehensive. 

“Hi,” James echoes. He opens the door the rest of the way, nodding to the fill-in guard you’ve brought with you. “Hey, Singh.”

Singh nods in return. 

“I hope it’s alright that I just came by.” You give him a sheepish sort of smile. “I didn’t even realize I don’t have your phone number until now. You’re always just…there.” 

James laughs, the mood that’s descended over him since getting the call about his mum lifting slightly. “Yeah, I suppose I am. What brings you out, sweetheart?” 

You hoist the bags you’re carrying a bit higher in your arms. “I brought some stuff for you and your mom, if that’s okay.” 

A tiny hand fists around his heart, squeezing pleasantly. “Course it is,” he all but coos. “Come on in. Singh, you alright to stay here and keep watch?” 

Luckily, the other man doesn’t think to remember that James is currently on leave, and so defers to him with a curt nod. James shoots him a smile as you come inside, closing the door behind you. 

“They put Singh on day shift?” he asks, taking one of the bags from you and leading you into the kitchen. “He’s barely finished training.” 

“He seems fine,” you say in your good-natured way. 

“He took you to a location that’s never been reconned without even bringing another guard to post outside.” 

“It’s your mom’s house, Jamie.” The smile is evident in your voice, sweeter even than the smell wafting out of these bags. God, he’s missed you. “I doubt he suspects either of you are going to try and hurt me.” 

“He should be prepared for the possibility,” James says, but he can’t manage to work any menace into his tone even to tease you. You tilt your head at him, mouth curving up to one side like you’re well acquainted with his particular brand of silliness, and he lets his grievances go instantly. “You didn’t have to bring us anything, angel face.” 

You flush a bit at the endearment, directing a soft smile down at his family’s old wooden table (which is great, because now James is in the position of being jealous of a table). “I wanted to do something,” you reply simply. “How’s your mom?” 

“She’s alright.” Not great. Not worse, which is always good. If the only thing he accomplishes in a day is that she doesn’t get worse, James can feel good about that. “She’s sleeping in this morning.” 

“Oh, shit.” Your voice drops to a hush like the breeze blowing through leaves. “I haven’t woken her, have I?” 

James grins. “No, you’re good. She can sleep through anything.” 

You lose a breath. “Right, well I brought some meals to last you a few days,” you say, digging some containers out of the bag. “It can all be heated up whenever you’re ready to eat, and—oh, also some flowers. I know it’s stupid, but I thought they might brighten things up for you two.” James doesn’t think it’s stupid at all, but you go on before he can tell you so. “Can I put these in your freezer? I brought some muffins for this morning too, if you want them.” 

“Yeah,” James says, the word leaving him on a breath. “I mean, yeah to both. Thank you.” He grabs several of the containers as well, showing you to the freezer. You both start cramming them in between things, wherever they’ll fit. He takes note of the food as it goes in, a heady warmth growing in his chest. “Did you make all of this?” 

You hum in brisk affirmation. “I had plenty of time on my hands yesterday. Turns out things are pretty boring without you around.” 

“How’d you know what to make? This is all—these are our favorites.�� 

You turn to him, a tenderhearted sort of smile curving your lips. “You talk about your mom a lot, Jamie,” you say. “I know all her favorites by now. And the things she’d make that were your favorites, too.” 

James hadn’t realized he’d spent so much time rambling about his mum. It hurts his chest a bit to think of it now, worse to think that you’d been listening so intently. 

“This is only really enough to get you through a few days,” you go on, oblivious to his yearning, “but I figured I’d come back with more if you’re both alright with it.” You look at him as you pack the last of the food away, your gaze careful. “I don’t want to intrude or anything.” 

“You could never intrude.” James isn’t sure how he gets the words out, his heart ballooning until it’s nearly cutting off his airflow. The cool air breezing onto one side of his face stops, and he realizes you’ve shut the freezer. “This is just…so, so kind of you. I don’t know what to say.” 

“James.” Your voice is soft. Your smile has faded, and now you look at him with an unabashed, steady kindness. “You don’t have to say anything. I can’t stand the thought of you and your mom going through this. I wanted to help, somehow.” One of your shoulders comes up in a sheepish half-shrug. “Even if it’s really small.” 

He wraps his arms around your shoulders, and you hesitate only a second before bringing your arms around him too. You squeeze him tight. James lets himself relish the feel of it, lovelorn. “It’s not small,” he says fervently. “It really…it means a lot, sweetheart.” 

You only squeeze tighter in response. When he lets you go, your gaze is sad. Worried. You ask without prelude, “Are you doing okay?” 

James gives you a half-smile. The truth of it. “Yeah, we’re alright over here. It’s hard to see her like this, but I think everything’s going to be okay.” You nod, solemn in your understanding. “Sounds like I might be doing better than you, actually, if your company’s bad enough that you’re entertaining yourself in the kitchen all day.” 

You crack a smile at that, and James’ heart lightens. “Yeah, Singh’s no you. He doesn’t seem to like to chat.” 

“Ahh, so that’s why you’ve really come out here, yeah? You just missed me.” 

“You’ve caught me.” 

It’s said like a joke, but James’ pride inflates foolishly nonetheless. “I hate that I can’t be there,” he says. “Especially now that I know they’ve put Singh on my shift.” 

“He’s not so bad,” you laugh, heading towards the table. You fold up the bags. “Anyway, it’s more important that you’re here. And I’ll be back in a couple days to restock you.” 

James fixes you with a look as you start for the door. “You really don’t have to.” 

“I’m going to,” you say breezily. “Don’t forget to put the flowers in water, and the muffins are strawberry chocolate chip.” He grins. His mum’s favorite. “I’ll tell Singh you were raving about him.” 

“Oh, please do.” He rolls his eyes, feeling lighter than he has in days. “Thanks, angel.” 

You shoot him a smile worthy of the moniker as you go out the door. “See you in a couple days, Jamie.”

[junosmindpalace]

hello! i saw your requests were open and you write for saiki k ! 😁 I was wondering if i can request general dating hcs for saiki?

my first saiki request! exciting! also ive been so active??? hopefully i can keep this up, ive been working to clear out my inbox so i can open it again!

i miss watching saiki k i need to rewatch for the thousandth time 

general kusuo saiki dating headcanons

-for saiki, dating was never something of interest to him, especially considering the nature of his supernatural abilities

-even he’s uncertain how he managed to fall in love with you in his hectic everyday life, but he did, and to his surprise, you liked him back! So boom boom you two are dating!

-dating saiki isn’t a secret thing, but a private thing, you get what i mean? He doesn’t go out of his way to hide the fact you two are seeing each other but he definitely doesn’t initiate pda or outright tell people the two of you are dating just for the sake of telling

-saiki isnt completely reserved as most people may think though. I mean hes in a relationship for a reason. If he didnt want to take on the responsibilities of being a boyfriend then he wouldnt be in a relationship. Simple!

-pda is an absolute no no most of the time, but in private, he doesnt mind being more physical

-by physical i mean bothering the shit out of him

-maybe the two of you will be reading on his couch, opposite end of each other, and out of nowhere you just stretch your legs onto his lap

-he shoots you a glare and you stick your tongue out, and thats pretty much it. He doesnt push you off, just continues reading and letting you relax

-maybe you’ll both be watching tv in the dark late at night and you’ll lean into his side and again, he wont move. Hell, he might rest his arm on the cushion behind you!

-dating saiki means youre probably the more talkative one, but there are plenty of times where saiki just loves to rant to you about his annoyances

-”ah look, nuisances A and B.” “kusuo thats rude” “dont pretend to be all nice”

-he brings you everywhere with him. As he already almost constantly gets dragged into something he doesnt want to do by his friends, he’s dragging you along with him so you can suffer too (cough he can tolerate his friends a bit more)

-youre a bit of a translator for him, usually the one who excuses his rudeness sometimes and he’ll go “don’t speak for me”

-his friends are shocked when he finds out about you to say the least. But they adore you!!

-sooo super nice because of course. eventually as you all continue to get closer and they notice the subtle change in saikis demeanor when hes around you, the soft smiles and attentiveness, theyre genuinely so happy for the two of you

-you have to beg him for homework answers that he typically refuses to give you, saying you need to take responsibility for your work

-you do know about his powers; you have to if youre his partner

-and sometimes you cant help yourself by asking questions or asking him to show off sometimes

-but other than that youre respectful of his boundaries and leave him alone about it

-but maaaaybe sometimes he’ll be nice. like if you accidentally misplaced something of yours, he’ll use clairvoyance to find it and silently leave in somewhere you’ll find later

-cafe dates! Purposely makes sure to steer clear of places his classmates would visit to avoid attention

-surprise him with a sweet he likes (bonus points if its to cheer him up after his friends put him in a foul mood) and he’ll give you a brief kiss on your cheek <3

-his parents love you which he doesnt know if its a good or bad thing, because theyre constantly all over you, his dad teasing him all the time

-you’re always welcome in their house!

-something you wouldve never expected was saiki getting protective, but when it comes down to his brother, he cant help but be a little nervous, so he keeps you a lot closer when hes visiting or his family visits him and invites you to come along

-overall being in a relationship with saiki is surprisingly exciting, and though he isnt very vocal about it, its through his little actions that you can tell he appreciates having you in his life

[444rockstargf]

hai hai again!! :3 i knoww ive been in your inbox a few times recently, but i kinda had an idea!! kind of like, a follow up to the last request i sent in for chris, but him eating reader out for the first time?? 🤭 he doesnt really know what hes doing but be acts like he does n hes probably so cute omggg ^_^

lots of love, artie ☆

yall dont know how much i love chris requests

"my body's sweet like sugar venom." | chris kenton

radio. - lana del rey

✮⋆˙ [tags] @faesucksass @lustkillers @mayathepsychic1999 @josibunn @si1nful-symph0ny @livingdead-materialgirl@romanroyapoligist@ohyams-25 @oliviah-25@si1nful-symph0ny @vanlisbon

reader x chris

word count: 702

contents: oral (reader receiving)

you lifted your head off of chris’ length, watching as he struggled to recollect himself. you grinned slightly as you wiped some cum off of your lips, resting back on the bed. “alright. your turn.” your voice hinted at exactly what you meant, making his cheeks flush red. 

“i-i… i’ve never-” he stopped himself mid-sentence. managing to get you in his sheets was by far his greatest achievement. why mess things up now? he decided to play it cool, nodding nonchalantly as he laid down on his stomach in between your legs. 

he brushed his hair out of his face, wishing that he hadn’t since nervousness was painted all over his face. but you were too caught in the moment to notice a thing. you waited until he was face to face with your core before you slowly slipped your soaked panties to the side, revealing your swollen little pussy.

chris tried to hold back his feelings, but the eager blush on his cheeks was the perfect telltale. his lips trembled as he tried to collect all the memories of the porn he's watched, trying to remember the methods that were used. with one final deep breath, he went for it, connecting his tongue to your clit, keeping his hands on your inner thighs for support.

using all the knowledge he had, he began swirling his tongue over your puffy clit. he circled mindless patterns on your sticky little bud, completely unsure of what he was doing. but as soon as he heard the sweet little whimpers you were letting out, he knew that he was doing something right and got a little more confident.

he sucked on your clit, slightly more harshly than before, while his tongue found its way to your dripping hole. you shivered, tangling your fingers in his hair as he worked your needy pussy. he sighed into you as the taste of your body filled his body with desire. he buried his head deeper into your thighs, moaning softly as his tongue started fucking your tight cunt.

being able to have you in this way was enough to give him a raging erection. he subconsciously bucked his hips into the soft mattress, desperate for even the smallest amount of pleasure, though he was getting just enough from licking up your slick. he brought two fingers to your hole, teasing it slightly by flicking them around the outside.

the louder your moans got, the more he got the hang of what he was doing. and you could tell how much he was enjoying it. the way he hungrily slurped up all your juices, lapping his tongue over your sensitive spot over and over again as his fingers rhythmically pumped in and out of you.

your back arched and your knuckles went pale from gripping his soft bedsheets so tightly. your chest heaved as each movement he made brought your body closer to your climax. you wrapped your legs around him, trapping his head in the warm prison of your legs. he groaned with his tongue fully in your pussy.

your sensitive bud began to throb as every nerve in your body responded to chris’ touch. you could hear the sound of him licking you up, going at it like a thirsty dog. his lips didn’t disconnect with you for even a second. the taste of your pussy put him in a trance, making him feel like this was all he ever needed in life.

you squealed and whimpered as cum started leaking out of you, getting all over his pretty face. your legs shook as your body completely submitted to his touch, you spewing your liquids all over him. but he still wasn't finished. he kept going until he had drank up every drop of cum that you produced, milking you completely dry.

he finally came up for a breath of air, seeing you panting as you came down from your powerful high. his face dripped with your cum and his hair was plastered onto his sweaty forehead. he held his gaze on you, seeing what he had been able to do. he was overcome with a sense of relief, feeling glad that he hadn't let you down.

author's note: thank you for the chris request!! definitely one of my favourites

[walnutcookie]

can i ask what cheddar's curse is :333333333 3 33333 :333 :#3333333333333333333333333333 :3:#3333

HI I AM SO GLAD YOU ASKEDDD. :33 THANK U SO MUCH FOR THIS ASK /GEN. you have unleashed hell i am about to write so many paragraphs /silly /pos

ok to rb!

I need to draw a picture of them without the shadow sometime but. basically that glint in the shadow over cheddars face?

thats not their eye. they dont have an eye there anymore. instead it is a jewel :]c a cheddarstone to be exact. And it is very cursed!

still need to figure out exactly how it goes but when the blue cheese manor burned down they reached for the cursed jewel that their family had and They survived! They technically cannot die! but living isnt exactly easy

inside of them is a ton of Dark almost ink-like goop,, its like. Anti-life force. It seeps through their skin slowly and if it seeps out too much cheddar has to fight for control. if it gets really bad they lose control entirely. the only way to keep it from seeping out is by absorbing pure life force. they can obtain it through being around someone as they die, but more effectively they can kill people themself. Which is pretty easy since!! touching anti-life force kills a person IMMEDIATELY literally all cheddar needs to do is touch someone and theyre dead.

of course, if people knew that she was doing this, theyd be arrested immediately so theyve found ways to be sneaky about it :]c

for one, they cover themself up as best as possible. Literally from the head down its completely covered - giant coat, gloves, boots, etc. plus the hat covers not only the jewel in their eye but the anti-life force goop growing on his face!!! They avoid being in crowds or tightly packed spaces and theyre careful not to ever touch someone - while the clothing helps, it doesnt completely negate the curse, so while a brush of the shoulder may not kill the person itll at least drain them which will look suspicious.

obviously this quote wasnt related but shh its about Universe A. to me

cheddar has basically made themself untouchable (both metaphorically and literally).

say, theoretically, they need to take another victim. theyre travelling with macaroni on oh, say, a train, and they find a random cookie isolated in a train car with nobody around to witness anything. they peel off their glove and put their hand on the victims mouth, muffling their scream and killing the person instantly, and then they gently lower the body down so it doesnt make a noise as it hits the floor. next they use a knife to stab the person a few times - theyre already dead, but since touching them wouldnt give any indicators toward the cause of death, they have the perfect opportunity to create a false story behind the murder of this cookie and frame someone else for it. all they need to do after that is call macaroni to come see and he'll practically do the work for them!!!

ive mentioned this on one of my posts before but i headcanon that macaroni. cannot. stand. mysteries. he has to have them solved ASAP otherwise he CANNOT rest easy. he wont be able to eat or sleep very well at all. it makes him so anxious as much as he loves mysteries

Cheddar uses this to their advantage! theyve created a person in macaroni's head - someone whos lazy, who doesnt put much effort into their work, someone who doesnt rely on real evidence very much. How would someone like cheddar manage to frame someone else for a murder theyve committed and get away with it? especially since cheddar is around macaroni 24/7 and hed never expect them to do something in like the five minutes that they sneak away. not to mention cheddar has been working for the cbi even longer than mac and why on earth would a cbi agent kill someone for (seemingly) no reason??? In reality cheddar is actually much smarter and observant than they make themself seem but mac is in HEAVY denial about it because he doesnt want to have to think about his work partner being a murderer. Better to come up with other solutions (which cheddar so generously offers to him by framing people) than to point the finger at cheddar and raise dozens more questions that may be left unanswered. Plus the thought that all of the deaths cheddar caused would technically partially be macs fault. And as much as cheddar annoys him, mac has grown pretty attached to them.

someone could literally yell at mac and say LOOK!!! CHEDDAR HAS BLOOD STAINS ON THEIR COAT OH MY GOD!!!!!!! and mac will just laugh and say Haha that must be from lunch yesterday :) LIKE. cheddar has just made the perfect alibi for themself. they can never be accused of any crime because mac will defend them no matter what just to keep his own sanity

all of the killing and murder and crime aside cheddar is. Fucking miserable. shes so insanely touch starved bro they havent had a hug since like 1806 (except for like one person CCOUXGGHT COUCGHE GOUCGH ROUCYEO CAPPUCCINO COUGH COUCGH SPUTTER COUGH thats another post entirely though if anyone sends an ask abt it ill talk about it) and they try to make themself seem unlikable towards macaroni and try to distance themself from people and avoid relationships because even just a high five or a brush of the shoulder could be fatal. its too much of a risk, and its not one theyre willing to take.

he is fucking Smitten for macaroni theyre so head over heels for that girl but they just! CANT!!!! they cant get close to him because then he might DIE and not only would they lose the person they love but that would mean that their precious alibi is gone and theyd have to be extra extra sneaky about things to make sure that nobody catches them committing crimes. not to mention because of the way they act macaroni fucking HATES HIM. one sided yuri my beloved

anyways yaay ill stop there before this post gets too long X] theres more stuff about these two (including actual yuriful fluff NO WAAY) if youre curuois or have any other questions just shoot me an ask id love to answer!!!!

as always i dont think this is canon by any means it is all just my silly headcanon au because i think cheddar should be fucked up As a treat👍have a nice day If you read all of this i loveyiu so much /p

[qalbtalk]

Casper 🐾♥️ 2010–2024

These past few months have altered the trajectory of my life indelibly. Things you were always scared of can happen, and so can those that you never imagined. I have now lived through both.

Casper in kaffan | Casper's body being escorted away | Casper's grave is beyond that fence

Casper passed away on Wednesday evening after two weeks of rapidly deteriorating health. He had been fussy with food and was losing weight for a while now--my brother thought it was a sign of aging, mama thought it was his dental issues again but none of us imagined that he was fighting for his life. Last Saturday his vet said that he may be suffering from FIP (Feline Infectious Peritonitis), also known as cat coronavirus. Cats are exposed to it sometime in their life and when the virus mutates, there is nothing you can do. Casper was a perfectly healthy, indoor cat. His first blood test came back normal. The vet put him on IV fluids and it felt like he would be okay because after that visit he ate a bit, groomed himself and even seemed playful. I was hopeful he would recover from whatever was ailing him. However, things deteriorated over the weekend when he threw up blood and wasn't able to use his litter box. We were back to see the vet on Monday to have fluid drained from his abdomen as his x-rays showed a steady build-up. The vet kept the fluid in case we chose to have it tested but told us it wasn't a good sign and the prognosis was not good. I prayed so much that he would somehow survive, that if he was in pain, it would end and he would be blessed with complete shifa—we all did. Between Hasan and I, we read all we could about FIP and the experimental drug that exists but is not FDA-approved. I asked the doctor to send the fluid for analysis so we can know if we might be able to do something for him but he left us before his results came back. The report showed early signs of liver failure and heart disease. We don't really know his official diagnosis.

His last few nights with us were so painful to watch. I came back home and slept in the living room with him so I could be there in case he got sick. He drank so much water and threw up a lot. Casper was super picky about cleanliness—he refused to eat in a bowl that hadn't been washed. I cried a lot when I had to wash his paws because he was too weak to do so himself. He chose to go on his own terms and didn't burden us with having to euthanize him. We always thought Casper would live for 18-20 years like an indoor cat is supposed to, in fact I planned for it. He was my baby, but we plan and Allah plans and His plans are better.

If you don't have a pet, you will not understand any of it. People can treat animals very poorly. I remember stories from back home of dogs being kicked and shot; cats being shooed away or mishandled. Casper taught us what loving an animal really means. It's been three days since he passed away. I know what I'm supposed to believe. I know what Islam says but my heart is shattered. The irony is that even on the day he passed, I attended a workshop on grief and adjustment through a trauma informed lens for an entirely different reason. I just didn't know that I would need to apply it to something else too. My manager told me to take the next two days to focus on Casper because I broke down in his office. I texted the family group chat all day checking on him, asking if he ate, used the litter box, if he was okay. I kept telling Hasan and papa not to talk hopelessly because he would sense it if we were giving up on him. We had to remain positive for him. 

Casper was my heart. He was a regular feature on my old blog. From his cute habits to his antics, he kept us all entertained for 13.5 years. He was the 3rd child, or as I liked to call him, baby 2.5. He came to live with us when he was only 8-weeks old. We used to joke that he doesn't live in our house, we live in his. He was so spoiled. He used to nap in front of the fireplace. We would leave it on for him in the winter. Mama used to heat up his food for 8-seconds before giving it to him and would say bismillah three times and pet his head before he would eat. Papa would clean his litter box every two-days because he would not use it otherwise. From his four different cat beds, he still preferred to sleep on mine even though I wasn't there. He spent the majority of his time in my room during his last two weeks with us. Leaving him behind was the hardest decision I had to make and I missed him everyday. I came over every weekend to see him. Now that he is gone, I can't sleep in that room or on that bed. It's too painful without him purring and cuddling with me. The whole house feels empty. We all feel as if he'll come around the corner anytime and ask us to pick him up or feed him. 

We all cried so much, Casper. You don't know what you meant to us or maybe you did, which is why you tried to make everyone happy on the last day you were with us. Cats tend to isolate completely when they’re close to passing but you let us remain close to you because you knew we needed it—maybe you did too. You went to see papa upstairs in his bedroom before he left for work because you knew it was the last time he'd see you alive. We all wonder how you made it upstairs at all because you could barely walk. You slow-blinked at mama to let her know it was okay when you almost slipped from her grasp coming down the stairs because you were so weak. You let Hasan pet you. And most of all you waited for me to come see you after work…  I had barely taken off my jacket and come to you before I realized you weren't breathing right. Your pupils had dilated and your tongue was sticking out as you tried to breathe. We called your vet who told us to take you to the emergency pet hospital. I quickly wrapped you in your favourite blanket. I know you didn't like going outside and it was -30°C that evening. But before we had even turned the corner of our street, you took your last breath in my arms. Hasan ran upstairs to cry when we came back inside. I called papa who was on his way home. Mama was crying. We laid you down in front of the fireplace in your favourite bed. Your heart was still beating even though you weren't breathing. The Isha azaan started and your heart stopped too… along with a huge part of mine. 

You were with me for 40% of my life, Casper, and knew everything. You were my best friend, the one who stayed with me when I was sick, the one who cuddled with me as I cried, the one who kept my secrets, the one who witnessed every phase of my life, helped write my thesis, mend my broken heart, gave me hope and strengthened my faith. After losing X a few months ago, I had given up on everything. The state of the world with Gaza on fire didn't help either. Everywhere I looked, I saw devastation. Nothing felt good or right. I was living on auto-pilot. I deleted my blog too. My only comfort was you and now you're gone too. 

Everywhere I look now, I see you. We keep finding your fur everywhere, your old toys, the name tag you never wore, your whole medical file, your food bowls and beds. I have 10,000+ photos of you because you’re all I took photos of. You didn't talk but your love was unconditional. Love between humans can hurt with words or actions but your love only came with goodness and without reproach. We had so many names for you—Casper, Capu, Capi, Chowdhury saab (papa's favourite)—you responded to all of them. You were a bit cross eyed and your white paws, nose spot and ear cut made you truly adorable. You loved creamy dairy treats, ras malai and mango-flavoured desserts though you were not interested in any other human food. You prayed with mama and I, listened to the Qur'an, and fasted with us for 13 years in Ramadan. I don't care what anyone says; you were a Muslim cat. I couldn't imagine cremating you even though that's common for pets here. If it was summer, we would have buried you in our backyard but Allah heard me and you found a place in the ground. The workers were so kind when they heard we had brought our pet. You got a special escort in the back of a service truck. The night before we buried you was the hardest to get through because we wrapped you in a white pillowcase and laid you outside in your favourite bed to preserve your body in the cold. At -23°C, it was colder than the freezer. You didn't like the cold. I visit your grave every day because I miss you so much. I haven't slept properly in days and my right eye hurts constantly. If given a choice on any of my prayers being accepted, I would choose to bring you back. Please know that you were truly loved. So many people miss you, even those that only met you once or twice. So many have sent flowers that our house may as well be a garden. I imagine even better for you in jannah.    I know you're in jannah in the largest kitty palace Allah made for you, with an all-you-can-eat treat buffet. I hope you're happy and I pray I reunite with you soon, inshaAllah. Please forgive us if we ever hurt you and made you unhappy in any way. Thank you for loving me so much that you waited for me even on your last day. I will never forget you.

[nanistar]

Any advice on how to draw backgrounds? Gotten to the point in my art where im semi confident in drawing poses and expressions but backgrounds?? girl help i can only somewhat draw a tree

oh hell yeah i love backgrounds, ive been working on more interiors lately (when not overburdened by sbc work lol) but im assuming you're asking about nature so that's how im going to answer it as okay so: -first of all find yourself a good TEXTURED blending/smudging brush because it will save your life. i use these rock texture brushes from This Studio Ghibli pack, it's $6 and i HIGHLY recommend the whole pack because it's the main one i use for most of my bg foliage/grass ect and i love it dearly

-find references either in irl photos or other artist's work. if using another artist's work watch their speedpaints or look at what you like about their art style and techniques and steal it. im serious. obviously don't trace it and pass it off as something of your own but look at how they do the aspects you struggle with, and try to incorporate that

for me, that struggle is forest foliage because i have a hard time filling out the spaces without everything looking like same colored blobs, so i looked at how my buddy hannah mudshadow does bgs because she's really good at filling out a scene and making it look natural, and i noticed she uses a lot of abstract shapes instead of trying to render every leaf, so rather than doing my base work for bushes/trees with a leaf brush, i use a chunky scatter brush now and it looks really good, and then i can go and add some leaf brushes on top of that for more definition in areas that might catch light ect so that will give it the thick, bushy .. bush look without looking crowded or too shaped

-nature is messy as hell and things are never going to be perfectly shaped and toned unless you're drawing perfectly managed hedges or something. got some dirt brown on your green bush? those are dead leaves now. accidental weird texture on your tree? the bark is gone there, something ate it. bushes and trees have dead branches that just hang out there in them, grass grows long and sometimes a deer or whatever doesn't eat the whole patch so there's long uneven sprigs sticking up. petals fall off flowers. trees have huge webs of branches

-don't try to detail everything. make things further away more abstract and messy to give the illusion of detail. throw a gradient over it for some slight tone variation or something so it;s not completely flat but ppl are going to look at your subject and see the rest of it with the corner of their eyes, so you don;t need to fully render every flower in the field. here's some examples of that

the cactuses in the far BG are just V and Y shapes, the joshua tree in the middle distance is dark with some light blobs right on the edge where the needles would catch light.

this is from 2021 so be nice to me but as the flowers go back in the distance, i stop rendering their petals and start doing blue dots with white dots, and then even further away i just sorta blend blue and green together to give the illusion of a field of flowers.

-i dont know what your style is, but i personally hate using a ton of layers and tend to merge them as i go, but for the most part i draw every panel of SBC bg on the same 1 layer, going back to front (start with sky, mountain, bg grass, foreground grass and cactus, then go back and scatter foliage as necessary) and it keeps my stuff loser and i tend to get less precious about making things look perfect. i also work very fast because i am unironically really lazy at art and am desperate for shortcuts.

-oh yeah one more thing. assuming you draw cats, cats are SOOOOOO small in comparison to literally everything. as warrior artists i think our perspective gets a but confused sometimes (i am certainly guilty of this too!) and there is absolutely nothing wrong with this because sometimes that's just how you have to build your scenes, but it really makes me laugh when i see scenes of like, rusty jumping off his fence to go into the woods, but the fence is only a bit taller than him. so try to remember things are huge and cats are small as hell

na'ni's a huge cat, all things considered but look at her compared to my small aloe plant

or the cedar tree in my front yard.

absolutely microscopic. don't look at my slippers.

so yeah. i hope this helps, it's not so much a tutorial because i don't think i'm the best person for tutorials because honestly i dont know much and this is all stuff i've picked up on, like i dont know shit about composition or values or color theory but this is important stuff to keep in mind about the environments themselves. don't worry too hard about colors at first because you can always change it by adjusting your curves n stuff. or slap a filter on that bad boy. or dont. also pay attention to your horizon line because it helps angle the rest of your piece. but look up tutorials for that because i only started learning about it like a week ago

[gavinstrick]

“hello lovelies ! as ya may know ive started a fundraiser for the operations and wheelchair that i desperately need, but ive never really been open about my disability on here so i thought id share a little about my story which is scary and uncomfortable but i think it’s the only way im really going to get through this and grow if I start actually talking about it.

I have been hospitalized thirteen times now since i was 16 yrs old. Diagnosed with bipolar 2, anorexia, PTSD, schizophrenia, borderline personality disorder, and developmental disabilities (I was told my brain stopped developing at 14 yrs old). I faced disgusting abuse from hospital staff/doctors/psychiatrists/psychologists/nurses. it’s been 7 years of hell.

When I was 19 I had just been kicked out of the UCSD treatment center where they cut me off from my medication, psychs, therapists - everything. I ran away and became a victim of sex trafficking for the second time in my life and i honestly just didn’t want to do it anymore. I tried to kill myself by jumping off a freeway overpass onto the I-5 during day time traffic. I survived. Breaking my right foot, leg, arm, ribs, pelvis, and three vertebrae of my spine. I spent 2 weeks in the ICU and trauma wards and spent 4 months in a wheelchair where afterwards I taught myself how to walk again bc I didn’t have access to physical therapy. since then i escaped my hometown of san diego and have tried to make something new of myself. something not so broken. but after seeing a pain management doctor last year due to the debilitating pain in my spine. i was told that my spine was deteriorating. The discs between my vertebrae are completely degenerating, i have arthritis throughout my spinal column, severe joint dysfunction. And my spine can’t keep up. The bones are being eaten away and without proper longterm treatment, it is only continue to worsen until i lose all mobility. I went from being mostly mobile to now completely bedridden. I wake up crying and don’t stop until i go to bed because of the unimaginable pain i am in. I can’t sit up without assistance, can barely walk, and it is the most heartbreaking thing i have ever experienced. all I went through just to be here now: in even more pain.

i am now in Italy with my incredible husband-to-be who has been by my side the whole time holding my hand through the tears and giving me strength to find doctors that WILL help me.

my gofundme is my hope that i can raise the money i need to get the spinal operation, wheelchair, and treatments i desperately need - and deserve. I dream to be mobile again, no more pain, i wanna Walk down that aisle, i wanna raise a family in the future, i want a life that isn’t so much pain anymore. And I have hope. My beautiful friends and family, my husband who is my rock and my light and my everything - have all given me hope that the beautiful life i imagine for myself as i lay in bed everyday is possible - i just urgently need to get the operations, treatments, and mobility aids that will one day have me back on my feet. Please consider donating and if you can’t please share it please spread the word and my story. this surgery is my chance and all ive ever wanted was just … a chance to get better. so please consider. the link is in the bio and literally Anything helps and pleasee continue to share in anyway you can. i love you guys and thank you and im crying a lot now lol but ❤️ bless ya hearts and stay safe out there and thank you for reading ❤️”

- my official statement for my gofundme :•) pls do continue to share and consider donating if u can. i appreciate all of u who have supported me through this and the lovies who have been there since the very start. let’s get this fuckin operation gurls !!! Xx

[thescrumblingmidwife]

So I actually have a separate hymen and want to talk a little about it and ask a question.

I first started my period at 12, and that was no big deal. It was always spaced out by about 6 months. But when I started synchronized swimming and water polo, it became a problem. I had tried to use tampons, but my body just wouldn't let me. My mom kept telling me I must've been too tensed up. Finally, when I was 15, I was able to use one so I could go to a pool party.

Party ended, I got home, tried to change the tampon...

And I couldn't.

I kept trying to remove it, but it felt like it was caught on something. So my mom and I went to the ER and the lady who helped me was very kind and suggested I use sports tampons due to how they absorb and open up.

A few other instances of things feeling like they got "hooked" on something and finally feeling around, I realized there was that extra tissue there.

Even with tampons that don't unfurl like a massive block of cotton, it still hurts and takes me a few tries to remove tampons, but the problem is that I'm terrified of surgery. I know it would improve my quality of life in regards to menstruation, but I don't know how to broach the topic with family (fyi I am an adult, but still live with my parents and I am unable to drive) or my doctor.

Do you have any advice on how to bring it up and what to expect/how to not be so nervous?

Also, apologies for the long ask!

Hi Anon!

Thank you so much for sharing your experience with us!

I will share one with you: I also had a septate hymen, and I know exactly what you're talking about with the pain of tampon use. I lived with it for years - even managing to have sex around it, until one day it finally snapped, causing a lot of bleeding and pain. The result was a lot of scar tissue, that caused painful intercourse for years. All of which I thought was completely normal, because no one ever told me otherwise. When I finally had the procedure (called a "hymenotomy") to remove the extra tissue, it changed my life.

Because I had that experience, I can also tell you what will happen with a hymenotomy. I hope reading this will help ease your anxiety:

You'll go to the facility where your doctor performs procedures (may be a hospital, outpatient clinic, or surgical center). You'll be asked to put on a gown and sit on a gurney. They'll probably cover you in warm blankets. A nurse will give you an IV. Then, they will either wheel or walk you down to the procedure room. You'll be asked to sit on a high table, and probably to scoot your bottom close to the edge. Your doctor will be there, as well as an anesthetist and a nurse. They will put a mask over your face, and have you count back from 10. You'll get to about 8 or 7 before you get SO TIRED you fall quickly into the best sleep you've ever had. When you wake up, it will be like no time passed, and it will be done. The postprocedure discomfort is pretty mild and can be handled with Tylenol. You may have a couple of stitches, which will either dissolve on their own, or may be the kind the doctor will remove at a follow-up to check your healing. And then you'll never have to worry about snagging tampons ever again!

---

Now, Anon, how to bring it up?

Do you currently see a gynecologic healthcare provider? If not, that's where you need to start. As an adult with a vagina, you should regularly see one for well-woman care and screenings. If you need your parents' help finding one, you don't need to share any information beyond "current best practice guidelines state that I should be receiving gynecologic care and I would like to do so." You're entitled to medical confidentiality, even from parents, even from parents you live with and whose insurance you are on, and who drive you places.

Once you've gotten an appointment with a gynecologic provider, I think you'll find the topic can come up quite naturally. The provider will ask if you have any concerns you want to discuss. You will want to tell a provider about your issues with an obstruction before they perform any kind of exam - and it should be visually obvious to a provider as well. (The provider will always look before touching, and warn you every step of the way). The provider will then have a conversation with you about your options, and give you the information you need to make a decision. She should also be able to help you decide how much you need or want to explain to your parents.

I hope this was helpful to you, and maybe ameliorated a tiny bit of your anxiety. The unknown is so much scarier than the real thing!

[forestryfae]

man it is SO nice to find a solution to a really shit problem only for 50 other problems to happen

i am completely alone with zero support in a house i hate, doing as much housework as possible so it can be manageable both in day to day life and so its not hard to just leave when i move, and i still am not getting any help getting rid of the stuff.

i have almost no money and i have to pay to take the train to buy food or neccessities and i was dumb enough to not send a letter sooner so i dont know if ill get my money until after christmas or not, i havent bought more than one christmas gift either cus im fucking broke, and i dont feel anywhere in my body that i want to spend time making something for anyone. my brother still isnt done paying me my money back and literally hasnt talked to me since last time he asked for money, my dad hasnt fucking talked to me in ages and the one time he called in summer it was out of boredom to ask when i was gonna visit them, none of my extended relatives talk to me at all so what the fuck is the point there, and my mom is just. a fucking bitch.

i had her removed as a legal guardian, not even on purpose initially but because folkenemnda or whoever sent her a letter before i was able to have a meeting, so she ofc got fucking offended and now has decided sve cant be involved in anything. she cant call electricians, she cant help fix the house, its "too difficult" for her to have to talk to me or my new legal guardian instead of just buying stuff right away, and she told ME to get a new phone service provider. i had to fix that myself. on top of her being, once again, a useless bitch. dont touch my stuff i say, its fucking embarrassing that you have dirty laundry she implies while moving all my furniture around and doing shit to my kitchen while refusing to acknowledge its my house but still treating it like her own, and not fixing the internet again after they unplugged it.

so i have no access to internet besides my last 150 mb of phone data unless i call some guy to fix it, but they wont be here until next year most likely so its pretty much pointless, and if i buy phone data i have to pay. so if i cant get it fixed ill be literally alone for two weeks straight with no people at all around me and noone i can talk to on the internet. except for fucking. christmas. idk about new years eve. and i dont even fucking like my family, i dont even want to spend time with them, they treat me like shit.

the ac doesnt work since mom got the electricians to look at everything but never actually hired anyone to fix shit and now is completely uncooperative. and after they checked the fireplace in that control like two years ago im not allowed to use it, and mom never actually got that fixed either even though shes been in charge of absolutely everything since forever.

plus both heaters downstairs are set to 27c or max and it still is only like 17 or 19 or so, i have an entire room in the house i straight up cant use cus theres no power and no light and 17c in there and its full of stuff i asked mom to take to the thrift store for me 6 months ago. also i cant leave either heater on if im boiling water or washing dishes cus that overloads the entire fucking thing.

and its just like so much bullshit all at once and ive been spacing out for like 2 hours while writing this cus i get so frustrated and upset and angry and sad. its not fucking fair that my parents literally dont care about me, yet im expected to be fucking sociable and call and visit them and reach out. they didnt reach out to me or support me at all when i was a kid, or a teenager, or an adult, why the fuck would i want to deal with them. but if i dont go to visit them on christmas or i point out that hey. youre not really being fair or nice to me at all, hell breaks loose cus i should be more than happy with the crumbs they give me, as if theyre the best people in the world for fucking. calling once every six months or letting me celebrate a holiday with them.

like. im stuck here for 2 weeks, im broke as shit, no connection to the outside world once i use all my data, i very much am still mentally ill even if im better than before i went inpatient. but once i go back ill have to go back to work and i dont have a psychiatrist to talk to and im not on any meds i think i might need and i havent been tested for anything yet, i havent been had driving practice yet, i can barely talk to my support contact, i need a lot more help than i am being given, im not getting the help i ask for when i do ask for it, and thats on top of shit parents and a shit house and two cats i love but am not sure i can keep given the whole thing where im gone for months at a time. and i just. how the fuck am i supposed to be able to keep a job or ever move out or make friends properly or keep a new apartment or house or be mentally stable. its so much bullshit all at once wtf

[jamiekb]

Listening to TMA for the first time (Part VII)

Part I II III IV V VI

81-100

#81 A Guest for Mr. Spider: Ok, that was an interesting way to begin the season for sure. I do like the narrative that John has always been surrounded by these Entities, just out of reach until one day he won't be. Barely managing to get away time after time until he fulfills his purpose I guess? Anyway, good to know that Leitner books can take anyone away as long as they are able to read, no age requirement necessary. And I'm sorry John but I didn't doubt for a second that you were an annoying child

#82 The Eyewitnesses: Damn no wonder she doesnt go around sharing the origin of her nickname. It's so interesting to get to see more of Elias, up until now he's been just kinda doing his own thing, not really helping anyone too much. He can arrange for the CO2 cans but not security cameras, just decides to give John the key to the tunnels, only intervenes with the others when tension is too high. Is he like a manifestation of the Eye? He can tell your life story from a glance or at least when youve encountered the supernatural, knows everything about the Institute and its employees, and I'm sure will have something to do with John coming back to the archives. Weird guy. Also maybe he was the one to turn on the recorder? Or is it just sentient?

#83 Drawing a Blank: Ah ok so if I understand them the Stranger is anything that isnt quite human, just a bit off, just a bit uncanny. But is it enough that they are uncanny or do they need to take the place of someone? Or are those two different things/beings? Also may I just mention how nice of Georgie to let John stay at her house, and how gratefull they should be that John never takes about his other connections? friends??

#84 Possesive: Oh really can't trust Elias even a little bit anymore can we? Poor Martin with no way of knowing what he might do to anyone can't even warn Melanie properly. Hope we get to hear when Tim finds out and they should also really read her in on what they've gathered so far. I like her and wanted to see more of her, but not like this. Although I have to saw I'm not actually surprised, it felt like it was building up to it, maybe cause she was in the Institute so much it claimed her? Oh and what is that "to whoever is listening"? If they're just records then it's not completely unusual that who reads them switches, why the need to point it out? narrative reasons maybe but feels a bit obvious.

#85 Upon the Stairs: I think all of the possibly perspectives to look at the statements John has recieved are valid. Michael is dangerous. Many were once people but can't go back in a sense. And I'm sure they are sent by someone in the Archives, like Elias maybe? Love that John can interact like "normal" people with someone, can make a joke about a guy your friend is gonna date.

#86 Tucked In: I find it quite funny that both Martin and Tim are not confortable making statements for whatever reason, maybe because it's something only The Archivist does or just the general situation. This does go with my headcannon that John can give it that extra emphasis and feeling because he's the Head Archivist, kinda like Elias in a way. Although Melanie was quite good, love how she's still hesitant to believe the whole thing. And nice of her to agree to meet John, and of course he's paranoid enough to record just out in the world.

#87 The Uncanny Valley: wow, that was a dense episode. So this poor man encountered the operation by which these things wear human faces (like the mannequin at the store, the humans stuffed with saw dust, maybe even changelings), which is run by I Do Not Know You. They want to carry out the Unknowing, in collaboration with the Lightless Flame. Those are th ones seen with Agnes who could burn things and maybe the delivery guys??? The woman that had accompanied Agnes more closely is Jude Perry. Still a ton of questions: is the Devastion and the Unkowing the same? Have we encountered Jude Perry in a statement before? Who is Orsinov and is he related to the circus? Why is the circus now stalking John? And can someone please give Georgie and explanation and a medal for being such a good friend.

#88 Dig: Damn so it's the same calliope, how did they get a hold of it? Was it Elias? Did the Eye just kinda facilitated it to the circus? Also love how unsettled they all seem when they finish reading statements, nvm just John, the institute just kinda gives them the ability to really tell it how it is. I'm guessing Melanie was asking around because she's helping John. Weird that they don't remember the statement about the calliope, maybe they really just do some research but don't really read the statements.

#89 Twice as Bright: that was so cool!!! finally an insight into the Lightless Flame, kind how that lot feels, a bit of how the Eye also works. Also interesting how Perry says that it will consume you if you don't feed it. So maybe Gertrude investigating into things fed it and she was only killed because Elias deemed it so. So maybe John having like something to investigate is making him more stable??? And nice to know that John has an actual ability, weird as it may be. But also is there gonna be anything left of him by the end??? Scars from worms, burnt hand, what's next?

#90 Body Builder: I'm still wondering (maybe I'm slow on picking it up) is the tape just pressing itself whenever someone enters the room???

#91 The Coming Storm: web imagery but that's not the main thing obviously. Good to see John finally starting to learn what he can do, but still not enough John. So Daisy just goes around trying to kill the manifestation of entities? And hoefully that's not the last of Mike we see, it was nice to see how he operates. And would that work? Sure John is the Archivist but Elias is still part of the Institute, the Eye, who could triumph over the other? Or maybe just a stillmate? omg only when i listened to the next did I really understand that John was strangled, he's really just gonna be scars by the end of this.

#92 Nothing besides remains: well thanks Elias I guess for explaining most of those things. So Daisy will remain basically hired muscle for when Elias wants to, Basira is now tied to the Institute, indeed Elias has near unlimited power for aything pertaining the Eye but needs things to naturally develope so it doesn't interfere (or something??? so that it goes with the nature of the Eye i guess), John is back to work and will continue to slowly investigate more on this Unknowing ritual to stop the world from ending basically. What a good buildup to all of this it was, still hoping we'll see more of Michael, sure Elias doesn't like him but more because its a loose canon.

#93 Contaminant: well don't just leave it at that Georgie, give John a statement. Was she one of its victims?? Also I really hope that John manages to keep a nice normal friend outside the Archives, though I'm not hopeful. At least I hope nothing happens to the Admiral.

#94 Dead Woman Walking: I knew I would eat my words about Georgie being normal as soon as the last episode ended but still, damn. Well at least she's still alive and can maybe understand John so there's that. And yes John they have already told you that it still takes some effort, both Mike and Elias said that i believe, at least Elias, you're the Archivist now learn to listen and process.

#95 Absent Without Leave: Poor Martin, can't even have a breakdown in peace, but yeah it sounds like Basira that she would just stroll along, that's been her life since she's been sanctioned anyway.

#96 Return to Sender: Good to know that John still has a ways to go before he really gets how to compel. So he still needs to learn what to ask, how to ask and that his questions can give them as many answers as he gets. So now the Mimic thing knows that the Skin is loose somewhere or at least that the Archivist doesn't know where it is.

#97 We All Ignore the Pit: not a big surprise, but nice to know that the things that are mimics are the same at the circus. Weird to want that skin but okay to each their own. I just hope Orsinov didn't use Georgie's or the Adminal's voice box. Again John really is the punching bag of the entities

#98 Lights Out: oh Melanie, please be careful, i really like you. Hope John can come back soon so that poor Martin can stop reading statements, it kinda takes even more out of him than it usually does John. Good to know the Eye just kinda records whenever it can and wnats to. I understand how frustrating it must be Tim but it still recorded a conversation, get used to it.

#99 Dust to Dust: I think I'm starting to understand the running joke of "you look away for a second and John has been kidnapped again". Well that doesn't sound good for him, wonder if anyone will notice him or what they'll do to him. Give him a break you things, hes basically new to the whole thing, even Perry said it took her a while to understand.

#100 I Guess You Had To Be There: so you can really tell when John doesn't show up at work I guess. So which Lukas is that? Is that the fincé? Or the one at sea? Or maybe they're the same, I'll be honest I have difficulty retaining the names. Even if they were all over the place the stories do bear resemblance to known entities: Agnes, the thing about the tunnels and the spider thing.

[rottytops]

i definitely think the adhd medication (successfully) rewired my brain and made me seek out long term goals over short term pleasure like i have been literally my entire life so now my current goals are to unfuck my credit to move away from my shitty roomies, get my new car and actually get into an ltr lmao

SUPRISINGLY ENOUGH 2 of these 3 goals are either in progress or very obtainable ive been saving a tunna cash and i can get a new car next month after i get my license renewed and ive found this cute little studio that i can maybe move into if i get help co-signing it, then ill just camp out there until my loans are paid off in 50000 years

the last one though.,,,,its so weird. the like. burning fervor to date someone long term kinda slugged me in the back of the head! ive always WANTED a nice relationship but it was never a PRIORITY to me bc i had video games or whatever. these new feelings made me realize ive been living my life like. entirely for myself which is FINE but my standards for myself (combined with how ADHD made me content with literally anything as long as it was easy) make me like. gutter trash tier as a partner, i think. essentially as i am now, unless the other person is equal parts deranged and shitty, im utterly unlovable which is like. tough tits i guess. but if im honest about it i can at least try to change it. part of me is conflicted; if i have to change myself to become more datable, is the person really dating me, or am i just creating a false persona to get conditional love. its a scary thought but at the same time im not really changing MYSELF past getting in shape and taking care of my skin, its more im giving up on being a dopamine addicted manchild and getting my own apartment. with my own car and stuff...these are actually just completely normal goals to have and i already wanted them i just kinda have new motivation for it lmao!

you cant just force a relationship and theres no way im attracting the hoes to me in my shitty room, so i think i need to??? go??? outside??? and hang out with ppl??? utterly mortifying but when i get my car next month i think i can actually do that. id like to make more irl friends as well, i had a bunch of friends in college so. i guess ill go to more smash locals or something but outside of that sigh sigh i have no idea.

these major revelations have all hit me in like the past 2 weeks, since i started my medication and the dosage was upped, i have a lot of work to do and not that much time to do it, really!!!! i hope i can become someone like. worth keeping around in a few months time...!!! the pieces are there i just need to like, put them together....



i could write a whole thing on how mad i am that it took me so long to get medicated and how fast i became a Normal Person after being on meds but like idk that line of thinking doesnt help anybody...!! i accomplished so much even with my debilitating ADHD and now i can do so much more with a mindset that can actually handle the shit neurotypical people expect me to be able to do, considering how im literally good at everything, combined with how ive managed to survive this long with almost no real help from irl people (seriously ive gotten more assistance from my online friends than literally anybody in my family both financially and emotionally) means that me WITH medication is gonna go absolutely insane. im going to be like ultra rich this time next year, probably LMAO....or at least have a boyfriend AURHUFG



anyway if u read this for some reason i love u and also give me ideas on going out and meeting people, i think i can hold a conversation just fine but where do people even GO. do you guys think ppl at bars or whatever know about disgaea. hmmm.

[druidposting]

The more i think about it, the more baffled i become at the people saying this campaign feels significantly more railroaded than the others.

I mean, i can see why people might think that. At a glance, its like, “wow, Matt’s really pushing hard for this moon plot, like everything’s connected to it and they have this date to meet and they cant get anyone else’s story in!” But i feel like thats such a surface level analysis, and is likely born from people who have never dmed before. As an avid dungeon master myself, the Ruidis plot reads quite clearly to me as a set piece - This is an event fixed in time, fixed in the world, and the villains orchestrating it will do what theyre gonna do no matter what. Its actually quite similar to the chroma conclave arc in C1, or even more poignantly, the whitestone arc with Percy as the “main character” focus for an extended period of time, an arc that was anchored to a set place and a set time because thats what the villains were doing.

When you DM, one of the key things you learn is that when the players arent engaging with a plot thread, that thread continues to run its course in the background. Its what breaths life into the world, its what makes it feel real. Its also what nudges your players to engage with the world. When you telegraph this to them, they pretty quickly learn that if they hear of something bad thats gonna happen, and they choose not to engage for whatever reason, then that bad thing is Going To happen, and they will then be playing in the consequences.

The other part of this misperception of c3 being railroaded i think comes from the players having a much stronger and more cohesive sense of morals. The c2 gang was characterized by a rag-tag group of miss-fits with nebulous morals and motivations and histories, and who were much more self serving in their group goals. None of this is bad!! It made for a very interesting game to watch, and even more interesting characters. But this is very different from the way ive seen Bells Hells act as a team. BH has been seen to be at least somewhat altruistic in their motives - maybe individually theyre more self-serving - but as a team, theyve consistently made decisions that benefit “the greater good” without much question of whats in it for them (giving up Treshi to the government and helping the Greenseekers in the mines come to mind). So of course theyre going to chase the Big Bads when they hear about a world ending plot!! And this doesnt even factor in that like, as players, why the fuck wouldnt you want to chase the evil moon plot? The campaign i run is explicitly a sandbox, and yet my players have latched on to the main intrigue and have been following it as if “on a railroad”. When your main intrigue is constructed well, the players will want to follow it, because this is a game to be played for fun, afterall.

With these two facts in mind, this isnt Matt forcing them down a particular path, nor have the Bells Hells been bound to it by him at any point in the campaign. At any moment they could jump off this thread and go do something else. And maybe you’d say “but if they dont stop Ludinus, then the world will go to catastrophe!!!” Yeah. It would. Thats dnd, baby. That outcome would be just as beautiful as the Bells Hells success.

As an aside, i could see several paths this Apogee Solstice day could go. Everything could go off without a hitch, BH destroys the key, crashes the missile ship, and gets out unscathed. Or they could completely fail, Ryn destroyed, Predathos released, TPK. Or they fail in stopping Ludinus but manage to get out alive and have to deal with the consequences. Or they succeed but Ludinus and his lackies live and chase the Hells through to the end of campaign with an eternal burning hatred. There are endless possibilities here because Matt is a good DM who clearly values player agency and choice.

[444rockstargf]

now one where the reader accepts and eats the "strawberries" that marcus offers 🤩🤩🤩

yes!!! omg if he offered them to me they wouldve been all gone.

"strawberries, cherries and an angel's kiss." | marcus

summer wine. - lana del rey

female!reader x marcus

contents: slight mentions of sex

you woke up in an umfamiliar bed, all your clothes having been discarded from last nights activities. you looked around the room, your eyes landed on the man that had brought you to his place.

he was doing something in the kitchen, and he was completely bare just like you were. he looked back at you, smiling. "oh hey, you're up." he placed a knife that he was using to the side and walked toward the bed, holding a glass bowl full of ripe strawberries.

he hopped into bed beside you, biting into one of them. "strawberry?" he offered. you looked down at the clear bowl, which was pressed up against his dick. this was the first time you were actually looking at it since things went pretty fat last night.

you hesitated, your train of thought being lost from the sight that was right in front of you. but after a moment, you looked up at him and smiled, "sure. thanks." he sat down beside you, placing the bowl inbetween you both and looking at you intently as you picked one from the bowl.

the two of you ate in complete silence, but it was comfortable and not awkward. you glanced over at him, who was smiling. a little grin spread across your face. "what?" you asked, accidentally looking at his dick once again.

he shrugged. "i dont know. you just seem really special i guess. ive never met a girl like you before." he bit into a strawberry with an audible crunch. you reached out your hand to brush a strand of hair out of his face. "thanks. i appreciate that."

"i mean it. i've just never felt a connection like this with anyone else. you seem genuine and real." he looks at you intently. you give him a shy little smile as you bit into another strawberry. he seemed to be thinking deeply about something.

he took a minute to study all your features carefully, not missing a single one. "so... do you, uh, live alone?" he broke the silence. you shook your head. "no, i live with my sister. its not exactly paradise, but i've been trying to manage." your tone went down a little, which he noticed. he thought for a moment.

"you know, i think it'd be kind of nice to have someone else staying here with me. like a roommate. what do you say, wanna stick around for a little while?" your eyes widen a little, but you considered your current living situation. it certainly wasnt ideal, so you saw this as a good opportunity to take the next step in your life.

"yeah, i think i'd like that a lot." you smile warmly at him, thinking that this one-night stand could turn out to be something a lot more meaningful.

author's note: im considering actually finishing the episiode and actually watching the show so that i can understand it more. thank you for the request!

[upagainstthesunset]

Metron's Love Life: Does It Exist?

Okay to be fair, it's never stated in canon that Metron can't fall in love. Ive been going around saying it is canon, but it's probably more of my own extrapolation of his personality than anything. It's my interpretation of what is or isnt out of character for him. With that in mind, let's look at three specific scenarios and I'll let you be the judge on whether or not this guy has a heart. These are the only brushes with romance that Metron's had that I'm aware of (and believe me, im very aware).

Scenario 1: New Gods #13 by Gerry Conway 1977

Metron and others are each tasked with protecting a human on Earth, so he shows up in New Orleans to protect a woman named Lorraine Hampton. The only indication that he's partial to her at all is when he watches her perform on stage and admires her singing.

[ID: Two comic panels. In the first, Lorraine turns Metron's face towards herself flirtatiously and says, "--and like me." To which Metron replies, "I'm sure I shall enjoy your performance Lorraine Hampton." She says, "See that you do, good buddy... And don't go home without me."

In the second image he watches Lorraine sing and says to himself thoughtfully, "Odd. I've traveled half a dozen galaxies... Spanned a full third of the known universe... But never have I felt a sense of belonging, as I feel here... Tonight." /END]

My personal feeling is that this out of character, but he really only has had 11 appearances up to this point. It's hardly much to go by. And in fairness, this is treated as a kind of unexpected anomaly that he finds himself feeling this way. But I suppose what I always end up falling back to is Kirby's characterization in New Gods. In my heart of hearts I just don't see this fitting. And also it really skirts around flirtation without him indicating if the odd feeling he has is romantic or just fascination.

Scenario 2: Super Powers #5 by Jack Kirby 1984

So if Kirby's word is gospel, what do we have here. In this one Metron has managed to save everyone after dealing with Darkseid and the Worlogog. To show her appreciation, Wonder Woman gives him a chaste kiss on the cheek, to which Metron appears visibly startled.

[ID: A comic panel of Wonder Woman kissing Metron on the cheek. Metron looks shocked and says, "What?! A kiss for Metron? I-- I never thought it likely--" Wonder Woman replies, "You deserve it-- for saving our world, and showing us that even a god can be human." Off screen someone says, "The brain booster-- it just disappeared!" /END]

I've shared this panel before because to me this is buck wild. Metron getting a kiss! From Wonder Woman!! He looks as surprised as I did when I first read this. I'd call this fan service but idk besides me what fan this could possibly cater to. Regardless, this is a rare time where we get any insight into Metron's thinking about romance at all. He doesnt say if receiving a kiss is something he had desired or hoped for, or even if he liked it. Just that he thought it wasn't in the cards for him. Knowing him, if he had wanted this kind of interaction with someone, he would have pursued it to completion. We've seen other instances where he is almost relentless about getting what he wants, so to me it means he didn't care enough to try to make it happen. But hmm idk, that really doesn't explain why he's so flustered.

Scenario 3: New Gods #22 by Mark Evanier 1991

Metron thinks back on the time when he betrayed all of New Genesis by giving Darkseid the means to be anywhere at any time in exhange for the ability to complete work on the Mobius Chair. Back then there was a woman who tried very hard to keep his attention, but she never won him over in the way she would've liked. He respected her in a way, and even said he loved her, but he also thought of her abstractly and through the lens of study.

[ID: A comic panel of Metron and Desdemona arguing. Desperately, Desdemona yells, "There was a time, Metron, when you said you loved me... When that and that alone gave you purpose!" Standing away from her, but turning back to regard her, Metron says, "Desdemona, I do love you. In my own way, I always shall. But I was gifted with an insatiable brain and a thirst for knowledge, so that I might ever expand the latter." /END]

So now we finally have an example of Metron addressing his ability to love directly. And by his own words, he can love. He does love. But it clearly isnt in the way that others do, and he knows it. But despite what he says, he still betrays her and others. He doesnt try to protect her, or even really consider her in general except when he's taking mental notes on her behavior. Always the academic amirite?

The other thing with this exchange is that apparently at one time he said she was enough to satisfy his mind. No offense but I find that pretty hard to believe. It's a real 'he would not fucking say that' situation. I'll buy that Metron thinks he loves someone in his own way, but i draw the line at him allegedly saying love gave him purpose. I mean come on.

[ID: Two comic panels of Metron and Desdemona talking. He appears stern, while she looks defeated with tears in her eyes. In the first he says, "There is a price to be paid with every gain of knowledge. As my mate, you shall just have to accept that." She says, "You have so much to learn, Metron. Even the simplest truths escape you."

In the second panel she walks away from him saying, "I have not been your 'mate' for a long time." /END]

See now this sounds a lot more like Metron. He wants her to accept that Darkseid's troops attacked New Genesis children in exchange for securing the element that powers the Mobius Chair. And you know what? He totally would fucking say that! That is SO in character! Are these the words of a man who loves someone?? No! And this whole "as my mate" business.. I do think he'd say that. I don't like it, but is it within reason for his personality? Absolutely.

So like, to me it kinda seems like he didnt really love her even if he thought he did. He mightve loved studying her? But thats about it. And when she walked away crying she said she never wanted to see him again and he noted her behavior for further study (not pictured).

Now there is something to be said about this being just one writer's characterization of him, but Evanier worked as one of Kirby's assistants during the creation of the Fourth World books. He has gone on record as saying he felt he didn't do as good of a job with the title himself, but I still think tonally maybe he gets a little extra credit for whatever insight working with Jack Kirby gave him.

That said, would Metron ever take on a "mate"? Idk maybe for science to see what it's like or how it goes. And would he end up completely missing how much he hurts her? Probably. So yeah, to me this wasn't love. Even though he said it was.

In Conclusion

Ive shown what I can related to Metron's few brushes with romance. Obviously I couldnt include all of scenario 3, so if you want to learn more youll have to read the entire issue. But as you can see, the rare times where he supposedly saw some action, it's either unclear how into it he is, or unclear if what he felt was actually romantic attraction in the first place. And in all cases, it really begs the question of if certain aspects are even in character to begin with. So what do you think? Does Metron have the ability to love?

[the-literary-nomad]

Book idea #ive lost count:

So once again, arranged marriage market. There's this young girl who has been thrown into the waves and searching the seas for that illusive fish for _years_ now.

The problem is, somehow god knows how, every time she meets with a guy, he's either A) hung up on someone else B) interested in someone else C) not interested in marriage at all. While she couldn't do anything about group C, she somehow ended up being so helpful when she spoke to groups A and B, that they ended up making _amazing_ matches after meeting with her.

Honestly, she never means to advice them, she started out so clueless as to what to talk about after the preliminary questions regarding lifestyle and future plans she just ended up listening to them rant and then advising them. After which they actually implemented her advice—and managed to marry for love.

She on the other hand has become more and more jaded. More forlorn. She honestly doesn't know if she'll ever find someone who would marry her. She isn't desperate—no, she won't marry just anyone. But she is a bit disheartened.

So when her mum comes to her with proposal number #she's lost count as well, all she thinks about is "I wonder who he's hung up on."

She agrees to meet him, because honestly she can't think of a reason why not.

The first thing she notices when she sees him in the restaurant is that he's one of the better looking guys on the roster that was now her life. She didn't expect that. But instead of excitement or butterflies all she feels is dread. It was going to be a little harder to be all blithe about getting over him if she found him attractive.

She goes up to him and says hello. Their mums sit at another table a little distance away. He gives her a genuine smile, and her heart lifts a little. She crushes the feeling as soon as it blooms.

No, no way. She's not going to get her hopes up until the first interview was over. She sits down and pulls out her list (mental list—lol, because she's not that crazy). They talk about their likes, dislikes, his future plans—hers as well. What they wanted in terms of children and how and where they wanted to live.

With every answer he gave, that little crushed bloom seemed to blossom further. He was _perfect_. Literally everything about him matched her goals for an ideal husband.

Was it too good to be true?

_Probably,_ came the jaded part of her.

"Yeah," he was saying, "I don't feel comfortable in mixed crowds either." His face clouded then, and her rolled his eyes.

"What was that look?" She asked.

He looked a bit surprised at her for noticing, but he quickly said, "Nothing."

She laughed. "I have three younger siblings. I know a guilt-ridden 'nothing' when I hear it."

"No"

"Tell me!"

He kept silent.

"I didn't think cowardly was a quality you so strongly associated with."

He looked annoyed.

Realization dawned upon her, "Oh my god it's a girl isn't it?"

His face completely gave way how he was feeling. Annoyance have way to Shock, and then, finally resignation.

It's just my...oh god, I can't believe I'm telling you this. When we spoke about being uncomfortable hanging around the opposite gender. I kind of thought of one person in particular. My sister's best friend. She's just extremely annoying. The only person who has really ever gotten under my skin."

A sinking feeling enters her stomach. "Ah," she says, forcing herself to be cheerful.

He looks frustrated with himself, "sorry, I shouldn't have brought it up. Especially since we're—"

"We're nothing. Not yet anyway. Tell me, tell me about it. Maybe I can help."

He looked at her strangely, "Oh well, alright. Are you sure this is how you want to spend our time?"

"Let me ask you something. How many women have you met since you found this girl irritating."

"A few...why?"

"Have you find them interesting in the least?"

"Not really, no."

"I rest my case."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Well, it's obvious that you like this girl. That's why you can't get yourself to think about other women."

"Are you joking? Did you not hear me? I hate her."

She smiles sadly, "Enemies to lovers, dude. Best trope in the book."

He scratches his head, "I don't know..."

"Trust me. You find every little thing she does irritating right? She talks back to you, she doesn't listen. She gets on your last nerve. You can't stop thinking about her?"

"Well, yes...but—"

Even as her heart deflates a little more, she slaps on her 'matchmaker' face and says, "You. like. her. Your brain just hasn't got there yet."

He raises his brow, partly frustrated, partly amused " _Really_?"

"Yes. Now, wouldn't it be better if you processed these emotions? Either to help you move on, or so that you can chose to be with the girl who's been sitting right under your nose the whole time?"

He leans forward, "Sure, I guess. If that's what you want to do."

"Lovely," she bites out. "I think I can do this in two meetings. I've done this before, so I've got the experience. This time you're crying off though. I did it last time and if I do it again, they'll think I'm choosy. If it's random, then people will think it's just fate. Which would be better for your future and mine."

"You seem to have it all planned out."

"Not my first time."

"Second time you said that. Care to elaborate?"

She really didn't want to. He was the first of them who'd asked though. So she told him, and as she explained how each person she'd spoken to had some how made a better marriage after speaking to her she realised just how pathetic she sounded. But it also did for an amazing sales pitch. "So you see," she said, half breathless, "All good things lay this down this path."

He laughs. It's a lovely sound, she thinks. Then she pushes those thoughts away. _Nope, this man is someone elses_.

"Come on, I'll tell you how to win her over."

"You will tell me how to make a girl—subjectively speaking of course—want to be with me?"

"Yes,"

"And if I end up realizing she's not the one I want?"

"She is, trust me. I know about these things."

"Yes, from your 'past experiences'". He says, skeptical. He also looks annoyed which was just plain confusing.

"Mhmm. Yep."

He thinks it over. "Okay, let's do it."

She smiles, "Best decision you've made in a while."

"So you say." He responds.

***