#ive only done 15 hours so far..

[copepods]

imo the only time students should ever be pulling all nighters is as a result of their own poor time management. like if a student is actually pacing themself and managing their time for an assignment and they still have to stay up all night to finish it on time, that's not the student's fault, that class is poorly paced and the prof needs to do something about it

[ourladyoftheflytrap]

So tired of this paper it just never fucking ends

[hpiiker]

73 QUESTIONS WITH VOGUE, MR AND MRS GUBLER. 🪴📹

MR & MRS GUBLER HOUSE.

the opening of the vogue interview starts with matthew and you opening the front door together, welcoming the interviewer. offering any tea or coffee, making sure they feel comfortable or anything else they might needs. it's a very sweet and caring entrance. everyone on the internet is absolutely in love with the married couple and their stunning home. 🤍

1. What’s your favorite time of day?

around 2pm, when i feel most focused, and even though much of the day is done is still feels like the entire afternoon is spread out at my feet. - matthew.

for me, it's 9 am. it's the hour where i'm most sane and calm weirdly, even though i deal with severe anxiety - mrs gubler.

2. What’s your biggest weakness?

remembering that learning is a process; that being terrible at something that’s new to me doesn’t mean i will always be terrible and thus should quit. every expert was once a beginner. (then he'll ramble on about some allen edger quote) - matthew.

knowing that everything does have a reason of happening, it's okay to not know or not knowing enough. its takes time to realise, realign and relearn things! - mrs guber.

3. What’s your biggest strength?

my imagination, which helped me to create my two books and doodles and drawings. it brings a lot of peace and stability! - matthew.

4. What’s the biggest learning experience you’ve had?

everything takes it’s time, no matter if it’s good or bad. - matthew.

5. What’s your idea of a perfect date?

star gazing, sitting outside on the patio with my wife… or anything to do with my wife. - matthew.

<33 - mrs gubler.

6. What’s one vice you wish you could give up?

reading the comments on controversial tweets. - mrs gubler.

7. What’s a cause that’s important to you?

i would like more people to truly grasp the difference between a million dollars and a billion dollars, so that everyone would understand that a society with even a single billionaire is one that is failing. also the environment, specifically trying to save the oceans, the arctic, and the rainforest. - both.

8. What’s the best compliment you have ever received?

we just get the normal compliments, and we love any really!! - both.

9. When do you feel the most inspired?

reading with my wife before bed! - matthew.

10. Sweet or savory?

savoury! - both.

11. What song can you listen to on repeat?

twilight time by the platters! <3 - both.

12. What makes you smile the most?

matthew. - mrs gubler.

y/n - matthew.

<3 - both.

13. What’s one thing people don’t know about you?

i would love to be a prolific gardener but so far i have struggled to keep even succulents alive. - mrs gubler.

14. Heels or flats or sneakers?

slippers - BOTH.

15. Vintage or new?

vintage - both.

16. What are three things you can’t live without?

my bed, books and my wife - matthew.

i love you! - mrs gubler.

17. Window or aisle seat?

wndow - mrs gubler.

aisle - matthew.

18. What’s your current tv character obsession?

pipecleaner with eyes… - mrs gubler.

WHO? - matthew.

19. Leather or lace?

lace, makes me feel sexy <3 - mrs gubler.

damn right. - matthew.

20. What’s the most adventurous thing you’ve ever done in your life?

nothing really… the only adventurous thing ive done was going on walks with my wife and mallory :> - matthew.

21. How would you define yourself in three words?

husband, lover and actor. - matthew.

wife, lover and actress - mrs gubler.

22. What’s your current favorite piece of clothing that you own?

my purple kimono - matthew.

matthew's hoodies - mrs gubler.

23. What’s a must-have clothing item everyone should own?

odd socks or kimonos - matthew.

24. What’s inspiring you in life right now?

my wife - matthew.

<3 - mrs gubler.

25. What’s the best piece of advice you’ve received?

if you feel it in your chest, it's fear. if you feel it in your stomach, it's intuition. if you feel it in your head, it's anger. if you feel it in throughout your body, it's happiness. if you feel it in your muscle, it's anxiety. if you feel it in your face, it's shame. if you feel it in your mouth, it's disgust. if you feel it in your throat, it's sadness. - matthew.

26. What’s your pet peeve?

none! - matthew.

him... wha- - mrs gubler.

what? - matthew.

27. Diamonds or pearls?

diamonds - mrs gubler.

28. What’s something you notice about someone when you first meet them?

their eyes... - matthew.

*blushing - mrs gubler.

29. What’s your biggest regret?

can't think of any? - matthew.

30. What’s heavily played on your playlist right now?

twilight time by the platters. - matthew.

signed, sealed, delivered by stevie wonder - mrs gubler.

31. What’s your favorite board game?

clue - matthew.

1965 frustration - mrs gubler.

32. What’s your guilty pleasure?

my wife - matthew.

MATT-, sorry about that. - mrs gubler.

33. What book did you most recently finish?

rumble buttercup - matthew.

34. What are you currently reading?

rumble buttercup - matthew.

matilda - mrs gubler.

35. How do you start your day?

cuddling up with my wife - matthew.

36. What’s your favorite holiday?

christmas. - mrs gubler.

HALLOWEEN (˶ˆᗜˆ˵) - matthew.

37. If you could raid one woman’s closet, who would it be?

ariana grande - mrs gubler.

38. If you could switch lives with one person for a day, who would it be?

edgar allan poe, no doubt. - matthew.

39. What’s one thing you’ve always wanted to try but you’ve been too scared to do?

can't think of anything surprisingly... - matthew.

40. What’s the one thing you wish you knew at age 19?

how astonishingly young 19 is, no matter how old it felt. - both.

41. Besides your phone or wallet, what are a couple of must have items?

my reason of needing a emergency contact... matthew. - mrs gubler.

WHAT-, NO? i don't cause emergencies ma'am... - matthew.

then why are you at the top of my speed dial list then... - mrs gubler.

42. If you were not an actor, what would you be doing?

directing and producing films/series, no joke. - matthew.

43. What’s something you can’t do?

Complete menial tasks (cooking, cleaning, Wallace walking) in silence. I need a podcast or music.

44. Where was the best vacation you’ve ever taken?

wandering around Europe for a summer with my husband. - mrs gubler.

<3 - matthew.

45. What’s one city you’ve always dreamed of travelling together?

british colombia - both.

46. What’s something you always travel with?

a scarf that doubles as a blanket. - matthew.

47. Favorite food?

ice cream. - both.

48. Favorite dessert?

cheesecake - both.

49. Favorite snack?

goldfish crackers and lunchables - both.

50. What’s a movie that made you cry?

any movie what has ever been produced by pixar - both.

51. What’s your favorite series of the last five years?

criminal minds <3 - matthew.

52. What’s the one talent you wish you had?

i would love to be able to play the piano, only my character spencer can - matthew.

53. What’s your favorite exercise?

doing nothing. - both.

54. What’s your favorite band?

the zombies, soundgarden and depeche mode - matthew.

55. What’s your favorite fast food order?

Egg and cheese mcmuffin, TWO hashbrowns. - both.

56. What’s something you don’t want to be doing in 10 years?

acting, i just want to grown old with her - matthew.

<3 - mrs gubler.

57. What’s the cutest thing on planet earth?

matthew when he’s snorning. - mrs gubler.

seeing my wife do her own thing. - matthew.

58. What’s the best thing that happened this year?

just seeing my husband growing and getting more amazing everyday! <3 - mrs gubler.

i love you so much - matthew.

59. What’s your favorite cocktail?

espresso martini - matthew.

same here! - mrs gubler.

60. Which movie makes you laugh the hardest?

hocus pocus or anything halloween or christmas film - matthew.

61. What do you usually eat for dinner?

anything my wife makes, because last time i cooked dinner… i burnt it. - matthew.

<: - mrs gubler.

62. What do you usually eat for lunch?

homemade rice bowl that my wife makes, it’s the best thing in the world. - matthew.

<3 - mrs gubler.

63. What do you usually eat for breakfast?

cereal - matthew.

avocado on toast with chilli flakes and oats - mrs gubler.

64. What’s your favorite thing in the world?

my wife or anything monogrammed but, it’s her monogrammed.- matthew.

matthew. - mrs gubler.

65. What’s your favorite color?

purple and red - matthew.

pink and blue, opposite attract <3 - mrs gubler.

66. What color clothing do you wear the most?

greys, greens, reds, basically the rainbow… - matthew.

black with a hit of colour (blue, beige, white, green and grey/purple) - mrs gubler.

67. What are three words to describe living in France?

pleasant. peaceful. - matthew.

yep - mrs gubler.

68. Do you like surprises?

no, we both aren’t keen on surprises ideally… - both.

69. What’s one thing you had to learn the hard way?

salt bagels are not as delicious as they sound. - matthew.

that i can’t have ramen daily 😔 - mrs gubler.

70. What’s something you’re tired of?

people who assume the worst of others, or insist on interpreting things in the most ungenerous lens. - matthew.

exactly what he said - mrs gubler.

71. Who do you turn to when you’re sad?

doodle - matthew.

music - mrs gubler.

72. What’s a trend you would like to see disappear forever?

any kind of hate really, it’s not that hard to understand or to accept others - both.

73.What did you want to do with your life at the age of 12?

i’ve always wanted to be an actor from the beginning of time really. - matthew.

it changes every month, so my answer is zilch… - mrs gubler.

[legacyshenanigans]

Alright, long-winded and random, but do you guys wanna know about the wild dream I had? And I have dreams like this regularly, I don't know what that says about me, but yeah 🤣 here we go..

The dream was in segments for some reason, where I like fell into different areas randomly.

Segment 1:

I was in an office building, there was just a bunch of people in suits working on computers, but the office building was like a HUGE log cabin in the middle of a city, and I remember thinking IN my dream "this is so out of place" 🤣

Anyway, some woman wanders over to me with a giant bag filled with cutlery and she says "You have to go and set the table for lunch time" and I said in my dream "I dont work here" and she was like "It doesn't matter, just go and do it" so I took the bag and went into this room where there was the BIGGEST table I've ever seen, and I only had 10 minutes to set up all the cutlery on this table ready for the lunch hour, and for some reason one of my cousins who havnt seen for like 15 years showed up and started talking to me and I was like "Listen, I need to get this done stop talking to me" and he KEPT talking to me and in the end I lost my rag and I was like "If you're gonna stand there distracting me, atleast fucking help me!!" And then I fell through the floor into segment 2 of the dream.

Segment 2:

I was at a big house, and there was a pond in the back garden. One of my uncles wife's dad's was there (no idea why ive met him twice lmao) and he was telling me that there was way too many frogs in this pond and that it was really bothering him, because they're so loud and they're always splashing around in the water. He also told me there was a particular frog that looked really weird and it was like the leader of all the other frogs, and he told me to try and get rid of some of them, and gave me a net and a huge bag to put all the frogs in. Anyway, so there I am, scooping frogs and putting them in this bag, but they're all jumping out all over the fuckin place and it's total chaos. And then I see this "Leader" frog. It's bigger than the others, so I thought if I could get the leader in the bag and make it STAY in the bag, the others would follow, so I'm wading in the pond trying to catch this big frog, and I finally catch it and it starts fuckin snarling at me and trying to bite me, and I'm screaming for help, thrashing around, fighting this frog in this random ass pond, and then I suddenly went underwater, then popped up in segment 3 of the dream.

Segment 3:

I was sat on a sofa in a living room, and there was a little ginger dog next to me, staring at me. And then one of my uncles walked into the room and was like "are you ready to go?" And I was like "where?" And he said "We'll take the dogs for a walk" and I said "Dogs plural?" Because far as I knew there was only the one dog, the little ginger one that was next to me, and I looked back at the dog and there was now 4 of them all sat there looking at me. So we take them for a walk, and we're walking along the beach in the next town over to where I live now, and my uncle says "Had any weird dreams lately?" And I said "Yeah I'm having one right now, actually" and laughed, and my uncle looks at me confused and says "What do you mean?" And then I get confused and say "Well this is a dream, isn't it? I'm dreaming, like right now? None of this is real?" And my uncle stops and looks at me like I'm a fuckin monster or something, he looks terrified and his face started stretching out and going all fuckin weird and he starts screaming and his scream was getting louder and louder and the dogs turned to Ash like Thanos just did the snap or some shit. And the sand and sea on the beach went all black and fuzzy and then I woke up.

Anyway, thanks for coming to my talk. 🤣

If anyone is a big dream freak, lemme know what all this means? 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[tojiscrack]

bro im genuinely gonna tweak out my average used to be99 in social 💔 like i reached my peak i got 100s and 95s on every single assignment TELL ME WHY I GOT AN 85 ON MY PAPER WHICH ISNT EVEN THAT BAD AND MY AVERAGE WENT DOWN TO 91 BRO MY TEACHER LITERALLY TOLD US THE PAPER WAS PRACTICE AND THAT HE WASNT OGNAN MARK TAT AND HE LITERALLY DID AND I GOT AN 85 AND APPARENTLY MY GRADE DROPS 8 PERCENT HOWWW IN THE WORLD IVE DONE 15 PROJECTS SO FAR THIS SEMESTER. LOCEKD IN FOR EVERY SINGLE ONE..A DN THE PROJECT PAPER HTAT I GOT AN 85 ON LOWERED ME DOWN????I CANT WITH TSHI TEACHER I HAVE SM TEA ON HIM BUT ITS LTERALLY 4AM RIGHT NWO AND IVE BEEN CRASHING OUT FORF LIKE 10 WHOLE HOURS LIKE A 91 AVERAGE IGNT BAD BUT HOWWW THE FRIGG DID IT GO DOWN THAT MUCH FROM ONE PAPER THAT WAS SUPOSED TO BE A PRACTICE LIKE AND THIS MAN REALLY GAVE ME AN ONE SENTENCE FEEDBACK IFT WAS LITERALLY JUST "Love the detail and writing style, excellent work! Format is wrong" HOOO YO LITERALY GAVE ME A PAPR WITH THE FORMAT AND I WROTE IT ACCORDING TO THE FORMAT BUT EH LITERALLY SAID ERRR I FORGOT TO SAY YOU SHOULD DO ANOTHER FORMAT THEN HOW IS THAT MY CLASS'S FAULT U FORGTO TO SPECIFY THE FORMAT OMFFF IM GENINELY GONNA CRASH OUT AND ALL HE TALKS ABOUT IS HIS JAPANESE WIFE AND HOW HE STUDIED IN JAPAN FOR 5 YEARS LIKE OKAY WE GET IT UR WHITE AND FAT BUT U SECRETLY KNOW JAPANESE WE GET IT.. AND LIKE HE LITERALL MENTIONS JAPAN EVERY DAY AND HES LIKE "oh i ate ramen yesterday! haha, i bet you guys call it ramen, but i call it lah men" HO SYBAU TS PMO FR RN TS CNT BFR U GNNGN MKE ME TWK O OI IA EEO EEAE BROOOOO AND I LITERALLY SAID I DABBLE IN ANIME AND AFTER THAT HE KEEPS ASKINGME ABOUT ANIME AND LIKE WHICH ONE I LIKE BUT NOT INA NICE WAY IN LIIKE A TESTY WAY.. LIKE HE WAS LIE OHH ER U LIKE ANIME BUT I BET YOU ONLY WATCHED JJK RIGHT AND I WAS LIKE OH IVE WATCHED OTHERS TOO AND HE STARTED SPEAKING IN JAPANESE AND ASKE ME SOMTHING LKE HO IM NOT JAPANESE TF DOES THAT MEAN AND HE WAS LIKE ERRR U WOULD KNOW IF U WATCHED ANIME IN JAAPNESE DUB BUT IG U DONT, YOU SHOULD START WATCHING ANIIME IN THEIR ORIGINAL DUB BECAUESE ANIME IS JAPANESE CULTUE AND UR DISRESPECTING THEIR CULTURE BY WATCHING ENGLISH DUB LIKE BROO I LITERALLY DO WATCH IT IN JAPANESE DUB I NEVER SAID I WATCH IT IN ENGLISH DUB AND LITERALLY WHATS WRONG WITHT HTAT TOO??? AND MIND U THIS IS MY TEACHEF IM JUST TWEAKING OUT RN AND IVE BEEN REREADING LIARILRA RIGHT NOW AND IT LIKE GENUINELY CALMED ME DOWN BUT LIKE BY 3 PERCFENT THATS HO W MUCH IM TWEAKING OUT LIKE BRO U CAN TELL BY HOW I HAVE SPEKLING MISETAKES AND INCORRECT GARMMAR AND YAPPING PARTS WHERE IT DOESNT MAKE ANY SENES IM GENINELY SO DONE HOW DID IT GO DOWN THAT MUHC LIKE IM NOT EVEN ADDING IN ANY OF MY GOOFY REACTION PICS BECASU THATS HEO MUCH I AOJEWAFOIJZOIFSUNGJFXDXIP

S'F;AZFAZSDFESWEFGH32

ewww ur teacher’s a weirdo and in dire need of a shower ewwww 😭

why’s he fetishising japanese people like that wth 💀

the crash out is valid girl, dww 😤

[shadyhouse]

venting about work things are AWFUL right now and i just need to scream about it

i got this new job a few months ago thinking that it was gonna help me get out of this financial mess im in, i started with full time hours the first few months and things were good! but suddenly everything is just WORSE now. sure it pays slightly more but i got absolutely no hours this month bc youre expected to "earn" hours bc its all "performance based" like. i work at a fucking gas station. their literal actual excuse for me when i asked about it was "we hired more people during your shift and they wanted full time" so i just get completely thrown under the bus bc you dont deem me deserving of full time hours??? because i dont go extremely above and beyond ???????? AT A GAS STATION???? WHERE I ALREADY DO WHAT IM TOLD AND MAKE SURE ALL MY WORK IS DONE RIGHT AND PROPERLY AND THATS ALL IT HAS TO BE?????

this place's expectations are so high and corporate has their heads so far up their own asses that they treat it like youre working at the greatest establishment ever conceived and youre just undeserving and unappreciative of their generosity if you dont make their brand your entire fucking life. like okay you have this brand recognition but its still a Fucking gas station. this place is so cultish. you have to sell your soul to the company and if you desire a work/life balance or dont take it as seriously as the managers do youre punished for it.

i seriously dont know how i went from working full time to working 3 days in a single month, ive asked for more hours but they expect ME to CALL all the stores in the area to ask if they need help (most of which i cannot get to! because i dont have a car! and they know this!) and even then im only allowed to work for 4 hour shifts bc thats the rules with covering. like seriously what the fuck kind of setup is this. if im gonna spend $15 on a lyft to get to work at least let me work a full shift????????

im on day 5 of 5 days off in a row, and then after tomorrow i have 5 more days off in a row, and then i work an 8 hr shift on wednesday and a 5 hr shift on sunday. which is a day that from the start ive requested off. i have plans that weekend. so theyre straight up ignoring my availability. literally all i did was ask if i could work 8am-4:30pm instead of 6am-2:30pm because i have to wake up at 4am to catch the bus and its been really difficult for me. thats literally all i asked for and now suddenly i get less than 20 hours in a single month.

like this was so abrupt and sudden and i cant think of a single thing that would make them turn on me so hard. i do my job!?!?!? last time i was at work my boss was really short with me for no reason and she even wrote me up for something that 1) i never even got properly trained on 2) for a station that i have asked time and time again to NOT put me on because im NOT good at it. either put me in the kitchen or have me clean or have me stock, dont put me at register because i suck at it and it stresses me out. every single shift ive had for the last 2 weeks has been register. and then they blame me and write me up for things that im actively asking not to do bc i Know ill fuck it up. and we've had conversations about it. i was told that theyd put me in places im more comfortable in. and yet here i am getting written up for stupid reasons over things we've already discussed. they want to fire me SO BADLY

im honestly really upset and i dont know what to do anymore and it sucks bc every job ive had since 2022 has treated me like absolute garbage and i dont know what the fuck im doing wrong????? i start, i get told im a good worker, and then everything does a 180 and im forced to look for a new job. the cycle will never stop this is just what my life is. i dont know what to do or how to fix this. i dont even WANT to work at a gas station im here out of desperation bc my last job that i thought was going to be a career treated me so badly i just left to the first job i could find that paid more 💀

on top of everything my bank account is deep in the negatives and im scared to keep on asking for help because like. im sick of this too!!!! everything sucks!!!! everyone is broke!!!!! the good news i guess is that i applied for a better job at my roommate's place that pays a lot more and its an actual Real job but who knows if thatll actually happen..... ugh only time will tell. things HAVE to get better they NEED to 😭😭

[mgentamn]

one of the worst things i ever did when it came to manifestation, shifting, spirituality, literally everything is listening to everyone. listening to everyone has been the worst thing ive ever done to myself and it ranges through every area of my life. it reminds me of something i saw once that said something like 'if you want to make the wrong decision, ask everybody.' this is an interesting revelation considering i used to ask for everyone's advice all day long. but i know now that it was a grave mistake. what i hate is that nobody ever assess things from the big picture. people only ever tell us things based off their understandings. if theres something you don't understand, is it so hard to admit that rather than fill in space with mindless ramblings. its taking a while to reteach my self and to reprogram my mind. everything has become so much easier once I've realized that.

something that has not become easier though is being patient. i am the most impatient person ever. ive been dreaming of escaping my family since i was a little girl. but most notably, once i was 12 or so. it was easier to swallow the concept of patience then because i had no outlet. because i had no choice. but now, 6 years later, with only 6 months left, i cant seem to wait. i have my escape plan. the temptation for it now lures me to no end, and it's harder than ever to ride this last little bit of time out..

to help myself though, i keep trying to look for things to make this mundane period worth it. exciting. enjoyable. there really isnt much. i just work, and go to school. im motivated by the fact that i get to go to uni in 6 months, though. become older, see what happens. meet my friend next year.

something i'll always appreciate about myself though is my willingness to rebel against all odds. an interesting thought that i have alot is that everything about who i really am would repulse the people who claim to love me most. no, im not christian. no, i don't agree with your political views. no, i haven't retained anything you've taught and no, getting hit as a child didnt make me a better person. no, no, no, no.

but lastly for now, i will also say that i will always honor my 17 year old self. i have a few staple ages of life so far. 14 was when i was deep into the goth subculture, and was unapologetic myself. it was the first time i ever dared to question and challenge my religion. 15 was more mundane, but i just remember it because its the age that i met my friend that i still really care about. but thats all. it doesn't really count though.

17 however was the age when i did things i never thought id do. not because they were necessarily bad, but because i never thought id have the courage. i got my first jobs. i got accepted to universities and finally solidified my escape. i completely trashed religion and began with other systems. i had lots of experiences that i did 'for the plot'. most notably, sleeping on a rickety pull out couch with my cousin while a drunk family friend slept on the chair, snoring and talking to herself for hours. ive since then realized fully that i hate sleepovers or staying overnight anywhere that isnt my house, but that's another story. i spent lots of time with my friends. saw long lost family members. i love hanging out with, and talking to people id never considered before. i love my unending willingness to try new things, new people, everything. its added meaning to my life. its why im always down for whatever, because i never know what harbors fun that i never thought existed.

[callipraxia]

State of the State - September 2023

I lost track of the entries in my reading diary, so I ended up lumping everything I read from July-September 2023 together. In that time, taking life on a domain-by-domain basis....

Reading: Read 20 books, plus about a quarter of another, really long one. Completed all 15 accomplishments of the Kindle Summer Reading Challenge, barely (got up to a 75-day streak and lost it, got gloomy and only just got my head back in the game in time to squeeze in the last few accomplishments).

Fandom: I published one one-shot, three short chapters, and some reviews. I did not finish nearly as many reviews as I planned. Six/seven-ish (I tend to drift through targeted research into areas of general interest to me when I'm on these research kicks) books read were read as research for fandom-related projects, along with the quarter-of-a-really-long-unfinished-book. Came up with a new plot bunny, but haven't gotten very far with it.

Work: As predicted, it started up again this month after being mostly dormant through July and August (which, after the rigors of the Spring Session, was not only a good thing but an actually necessary one). There's been a reasonable amount of it, but it's taken me an unreasonably long period of time to finish because I keep getting sick this month.

Self-Improvement: Finished Section III of Duolingo Spanish and started Section IV (the A2 level). Don't feel as smart as the details provided about the meaning of this indicate I should; we shall see. Had a fit of ambition and ended up signing up to audit a computer science class, along with spending hours pouring over course offerings in Coursera, EdX, and Modern States generally, dreaming vague and not-too-terribly-realistic dreams.

Random Interest Developments: Why am I suddenly fighting the impulse to branch out from what I need to finish a fandom project and into just...reading about Jungian psychology for the sake of reading about Jungian psychology?

On the bright side, it...looks better on 'paper' than it sounded in my head. Much more like I actually got something...anything...done. Well done, me!

[alien-cookiez]

So it's been a week since my microdiscectomy. I've had a herniated disc for 15 years at L5/S1. It just kept progressing over the years and my dumbass just kept pushing through.

Let's talk about it and how things have gone so far.

Day 1: Surgery day. I woke up and felt no pressure and no pain in my legs. My pain was very well controlled with meds. (the heavy shit Morphine, Dilaudid, vicodin) was able to get up and use the bathroom.

Day 2: I think my body was in more shock than it was pain. Very shaky/wobbly. Still very medicated at this point. Was on another planet. Went home. 3 hour car ride wasn't terrible. Moved to pain pills at this point instead of IV. (I preferred the pills because they lasted longer, tis why we have so many addicts) This is also the day I started having muscle spasms in my lower back, legs and hips. It felt like I had bugs crawling around in those areas and I honestly thought I was losing my mind. They assured me it was normal but you could sit and watch my muscles just dance. Trippy.

Day 3: Was able to shower and start taking small walks. Pain was bearable with medication. Still was having muscle spasms. This was a good day.

Day 4: The swelling started. As the day progressed the pain got worse. Not necessarily the incision area but the muscles surrounding it. I still made myself get up and walk to my little post a few times. Definitely felt unsteady.

Day 5: Haha. PAIN. There it was. I had been waiting for this kind of pain. Pain with every movement. I still couldn't sit straight up at this point either. This was the worst day but the muscle spasms stopped.

Day 6: Pain and swelling are still there but it's controlled with Tylenol. I kept walking and decided to try to drive up the road and it went well. It was comfortable to sit in my car because I have great seats lol.

Day 6: Woke up with very little pain. Had some muscle soreness. Decided to take a drive and did just fine with some Tylenol. Went and saw QB this night and was feeling pretty good. Muscles started to get sore after a bit.

Day 7: Woke up pretty sore. Both cheeks felt like I had done some major workout. Wild. I only had to take Tylenol/ibuprofen once.

Day 8: Today I'm still pretty sore. My left leg is more so than the right. That was the one effected more before the surgery. The muscles up my whole back, sides and hips are just on fire like I worked out heavily yesterday lol. They feel pretty tired/weak. I did take some ibuprofen this morning when I got up and it feels better now.

[wytfut]

A whiners report, POV.....

Greetings all..... at this very moment in time.... I'm recooping from again another back surgery. To no ones fault, even my own suppose. Time take its toll.

This time has been a journey, more involved than I ever thought would happen to me ever again. I feel at times that my medical incidents seem a bit slanted towards me at times as in picking on me. But thats just my POV. I'm sure it is not.

I won't mention my surgeons name, as I like the guy and I think everything that has happened most likely was out of his hands, and he is very good at his craft. But other than Being very hands on with every patient, he doesn't have a lot of control over what happens to his patient. And so it is....

My medical issues have spanned mostly from 2000 to now. 4 hip surgeries, 2 carpal tunnel, a blood clot incident, a heart attack, and previous back procedures.

My father couldn't handle any morphine products and accordingly, we'd tell hospital personnel, who pretty much ignore us. He'd become outrageous, and out of control, living his nightmares. I've even went so far to tell them that if they insist he have morphine of any kind that they had my permission to tie him in his bed. This always brought a strange look from the person I'd be talking too. But anyone who had lived Delmars nightmares with him cannot describe what they saw. The most common was for him to leap out of bed ripping out his IV's, stitches, etc. .... even dislocating his brand new hip, falling over the rails he couldn't get down.

With my latest, I'm noticing I maybe affected also my morphine, same as my Father. I've had nothing but tons of vivid dreams and at time discerning, what is reality, and what is dreaming. Even when currently I'm only taking 1 hydracodone at bed time.... I get a bit blurry during the day. I've also noticed that I can't really read right now.... maybe a little bit. But my eyes keep jumping around (old EMT days.... "ping pong ball eyes")

When I came out of surgery, I remember nothing of any conversations. .... I seemed to come around to reality about 2 days later, ...... no matter what I said or did.

So Dec. 6 after surgery, a lot of things I was told was said, which I have no recollection. Barely holding my head up.... And a nurse put an ice pack on my new wound, and I went to sleep the next 2 hours.

When I woke the ice pack was warm and sweaty. ... Apparently I frost bit my new wound. So much so that it felt as if my back was on fire.... I was very surprised and got a reply to my questioning "we told you no more than 15 minutes....." absolutely do not remember this.

I got home, Patti wasn't happy that I wouldn't even try the ice pack, but I just couldn't stand it. Between the burning and itching.... no way was I going to do it.

Other conversation after surgery from what I understand was how to wear my back brace. I remember a foggy moment of some sort of conversation. I remember a part where someone (PA?) said I wasn't wearing it correctly. In my pile of papers once I was home, no mention of the back brace, but I remembered somethings. No bending, no twisting, no lifting, ..... pretty much the norm, that I bite my cheek with when hearing. I've had this conversation with my surgeon in the past, and he too chuckles at my point of view.

All of those requests, are impossible, unless you have someone assigned/attached to your hip. I know they sound reasonable, but its really not. Maybe I'm just hard headed, which I can admit to easily.

But I did indeed piss myself 3 times the first night waiting for help off the nurses call button.

Here are my favorite ones where the rules are exempt:

How do you use the toilet? How do you wipe? both of these require bending over and a bit of twisting..... but they do say sitting up is okay... but you are bending over to get there.

Getting in bed.... you are again bending over, and twisting too. Even if done the proper way prescribed....

I'm an old guy. I get up at least 4 times every nite. The toilet is not 10 from my bed. I'm not going to put on that brace, for less than 10 feet 4 times a night.... its just not practical, and I think maybe a bit over board for moving about to get that brace back on and off.

Did I mention that you don't need to wear the brace in bed. I'm good with that, as my wound was screaming by the time I got home. But there was no instruction that I remember on sleeping position. One of my past PA's had very specific instructions on sleep position.

Apparently twisting in bed is ok, bending ok, etc. .... I have no idea.

I even remember someone saying that when sitting if you wanted to take off the brace for a few minutes is was allowed. Condition of my wound..... it was a lot of a "few minutes"...... I even called my surgeons office trying to get this all straight in my head..... couldn't do it.... too much drugs.

I know... its all petty, and I'm just venting from this longer than expected process.

3 nights ago, I woke up with a new chest pain. My pulse was fine. The tempo felt good.... but I couldn't take a full breath without shooting pain. All of this upper right chest, front to rear.

I monitored it until around noon and had Patti haul my butt in. I noticed walking across the kitchen I was struggling to keep my breath.

I had a blood clot. I'm very familiar with blood clots (5 in 2000, and a monster in Xmas 2019) over the past 20+ years. But everyone has been different. Each medical team has treated it with its own interpretation of "how its supposed to be done".

For those that don't know..... like a lot of medical issues, blood clots in the wrong place (all of mine have been in the heart lungs area) can kill you.

I spent 24 hours in the hospital. Got home completely wasted. With what felt was at least a couple days lost recooping from the original surgery.

Feeling pretty good right now. Still not a lot of appetite. I'm currently not on any meds for this procedure. except I'll be taking my last Hydracodone at bed time. We'll see how it goes tonight, I'd like to be off of them, .... but if issues arise, I'll ask for another script.

Not very many folks will read this.... and that's ok. But for those that want to know how I'm doing.... here ya go...

As for my back issues? ..... I'm excited. it appears they are all gone. It doesn't mean something else may not show up down the road, but this time, I'm really excited.

[writerunblocked]

Bullet Proof Heart: IV. A Haunting

Synopsis: Pasts are challenging to run from, especially if you're trying to move up in the world while people you care about stay behind. A political soiree, where people go to schmooze with other people will bring everything you kept to the surface. Class divides are apparent while the people not in the know are left out to dry making Anya nearly lose her mind. The Rosenthals get some news.

Trigger Warning: Death and dying, war, cancer, antisemitism, xenophobia

Bullet Proof Heart: Read Part 1: The Arrangement here. Read Part 2: Out of the Bag here. Read Part 3: Acceptance here

Anya sat at school waiting for students to get done with school. She could tell they wanted to go home too. Fridays were always the hardest day for everyone. People counting the hours until 4pm rolled around to set the kids free and to keep the teachers there for another hour or so. As she looked out at the sea of students, she knew that only a year previously everyone had been there. And now, she saw the children of wealthier family members, kids ages 15-18 whose parents were able to pay for them finish school. 

She thought of Derk Hodge who wanted to be a doctor, but she knew was now working in his family’s bakery, a science whiz, he was often the one kids would go to if they had a bloody nose because he wasn’t squeamish when it came to blood. She thought of Sarah Morgenstein, who was now working in her family’s tailor shop, sewing, mending and selling clothes to the parents and kids who could afford to still be here. She was smart, brave, and kind, always making sure that other people felt included, but was able to run laps around the class when it came to maths and science. Her love of sewing was something Sarah had always enjoyed, but Anya knew Sarah wanted more for her life than to just take up the family business. Her brother, John, was more interested in that than she was. And her mind wandered to Aaron Llody, who she knew was now working for the Peaky Blinders as a runner, small and thin, he was fast. Though not that academically gifted, he always managed to pass the classes, but she knew he could be one of the highest achieving ones if he put his mind to it. She begged Tommy to keep him out of the most danger stuff in order to help ease the worries of his parents and he’d done what she asked. He hadn’t had to do a drug run, but he was often at the tracks, which worried her more at times. Anya knew what went on at those tracks. She’d gone with Tommy a few times in order to just be eyecandy and for her to spy. It was no place for a kid. 

Memories flooded back to how her brothers and parents pooled their money together to make sure Anya could stay in school. How she and her family went without just so she could go. She worked her arse off, scoring at the top of her class. She was the first woman in her family to graduate, something that no one had been able to say. From the Shtetls of Poland to the slums of Birminham, to being the fiancée of the most powerful man in Birminghm had shown them how far they’d come from when her Uncle had been killed in a Pogrom when she was six. But she still worried for everyone else that wasn’t as lucky as they were. The people they left behind, the family that died, the boys that never came home, the boys that did come home but were forever changed. All Anya could think about were the lives that couldn’t go on to do the things they wanted, all because of money. She knew what it was like to be poor, it was why she was working when she was old enough. 

The memories haunted her. The memories of Poland and the night her Uncle was taken and beaten. The day her brothers and father went to war, not knowing if they came home. The day she found out her father sick. The day she found out he was dying. The day she found out it was cancer. 

Haunted like the stories of old, Anya thought back to all the times in her life where she was scared, angry, confused, happy, and now she thought of the memories she’d go on to make with Tommy. Being a gangster’s wife wouldn’t be easy, she knew that. And she also knew what happened with Gretta and Grace. She also knew that this ‘I’m committed to only you’ speech he’d given her a couple nights before would only last a little while. And she’d be dealing with the heartbreak of knowing what it was like being the object of Thomas Shelby’s fleeting affections. How special it made you feel and how quickly it can turn sour. He might pay you, he might not, but you were expected to be available whenever he wanted. There was nothing anyone could do to stop it. When Thomas Shelby said ‘you’, then it was you. 

All the women he saw either had dark hair and dark eyes like Lizzie Stark, someone he’d been seeing until she took up working as a secretary for Shelby LTE. Or more often then not, had blonde hair and blue eyes. Just like Grace, just like Greta, just like Anya. Thomas Shelby most certainly had a type. And that type was blonde. 

Tommy came in through the door of their shared house and walked into the living room. He walked up to her, kissed her, and then took a seat, sighing. 

“What’s on your mind?” She asked. 

“I need to head to London,” he said. 

“Politics again?” She asked looking up from the Nick Miller’s essay in her hand. 

“Yes,” he said. “And I want you there with me.” 

Anya had as much tact when it came to politics and smalltalk as Tommy. She hated small talk. She, of course, would be seen as the ‘younger model’, but she nodded her head. She would have to hold her tongue, she’d have to smile, and hopefully not socialise too much with the other wives. “Why me?” She asked. “You’re already elected. And you and I aren’t really liked by the establishment. A gypy and a kike together? Tommy, that’s a recipe for desaster.”

“Wives talk,” he said. “Wives also might be in their husband’s ears.” 

“Talk to the mistresses,” Anya said lighting a cigarette and handing it to Tommy. “Mistresses are discrete, thety usually don’t want to rock the boat. And whatever men don’t tell their wives, they tell them.” 

“You talk from experience,” Tommy said. 

“I was your ears for a year before you got engaged to me,” she said. “You weren’t married, but whatever you couldn’t tell your family for whatever reason, you told me.” 

Tommy sat back and looked at her with wonder. “You’re right,” he said. “They do talk to their mistresses more often.” 

“Speaking from experience?” Anya asked him taking another drag of her cigarette. 

“I’m a changed man,” he said. 

She scoffed but didn’t say anything. He took another puff of his and looked at her. “I need your help, Anya.” 

“I’ll go,” she said. “I’ll go.” Pushing her hair out of her face. “We all know how shite I am at smalltalk though.” 

Tommy nodded his head in agreement. Smalltalk was also something Tommy loathed. And unfortunately for the two of them, smalltalk was something they’d have to do. “It’s next saturday. You already have something nice.” 

She nodded, thinking about the dress she’d gotten for the Races a few weeks ago. 

When they arrived at the party, Anya took the time to marvel at everything that was in the hall. Filled with politicians and their wives socialising and laughing dressed in clothing that might only wear once or twice, Anya felt like she’d been pushed into the deep end of the pool. She could handle drunks, she coulde handle parents, but she couldn’t handle politicians. Being much younger than Tommy, but being around the age of the wives, she knew some of the wives might not be keen for her being Jewish and engaged to a gypsy. 

The marble floor was immaculate and free from scuff marks was shiny that she could see reflections of the people on it. The crystal chandelier that hung above them was filled with candles. As electric lights lit the room. She shivered and clung to Tommy for warmth. “Into the belly of the beast,” she whispered looking around for the nearest exist. 

“It’s not that bad,” Tommy said. 

Anya rolled her eyes. She saw a white man with brown hair, a Charlie Chaplin moustache, dressed in an immaculate black suit with combed and slicked down brown hair. Next to him was a white woman with short curled blonde hair and dressed in something Anya could afford that was a deep blue almost bordering on black. With a large blue stone that was surrounded by diamonds. A white shall of fur was also draped around her. 

“There you are, Mr Shelby,” Oswald Mosley smiled. “This is my fiancée, Diana Mitten.” He turned to Anya looking at her in a way she was used to, but still found uncomfortable. “And who’s this lovely lady?”  

“This is my fiancée, Tommy said eagerly. “Anya Rosenthal.” 

“Soon to be ‘Shelby’,” Anya interjected. Smiling, she took the hands of both Mosley and Diana’s hands. 

Diana smiled at her. “Anya, is that short for anything? It’s a pretty name.” 

“No,” she said. “It’s not short for anything.” 

Diana took a look at her engagement ring. It was a three karat diamond that was on her finger that Tommy had given to her to save face. “That’s a gorgeous ring.” 

“Thank you,” Tommy smiled. 

“He got it for me in Paris,” she smiled. “But you’re not really a fan of Paris, are you?” 

 “No,” Diana said. “I much prefer Berlin.” She looked at Anya once again. “You speak German, don’t you?” 

“Ja,” she said. “Es its meine dritte Sprache.” (It’s my third language.) “I also speak Hebrew, English, Russian, and Yiddish.” 

“Ah, you’re fiancée’s very well-versed,” said Oswald. “You must’ve travelled.” 

“I emigraged here when I was six years old,” she smiled. Having done research on Mosley, Anya knew he came from ‘propper Englisn stock’, being a baronet and had bee married once before. Someone like Anya, was most certainly not someone he’d be wanting to be well acquainted with. 

“From where?” asked Diana, a little concerned. She was also from propper English stock. Her father was a barron and she’d been married once before as well and had children too. 

“Krakow Poland,” she said. 

“Come with me, Anya,” Diana said. “Let’s talk while we let the men do their thing.” 

Anya and Diana walked away while their husbands talked amongst themselves. And Anya still felt well out of her element. These were people of high society who were educated and bred to be here. Born at the top, these were the type of people Anya wouldn’t normally be associating with, they were just as foreign to her as England was all those years ago. A new world that she had to navigate. And being ‘new money’ as she heard someone call it once many years ago, she and Tommy were now being forced to fight their way in to the building. And with Diana Mitford standing by her, that was even more painfully obvious as Anya being made fun of for not not knowing English all those years ago. 

Tommy and Mosley walked to a secluded room to speak. Tommy was here on business to get more information for the Home Office. He was going to infiltrate, just like he did the race tracks all those years ago. But this was different, this wasn’t Billy Kimber and his accountant, these were people with connections to royalty. Something Tommy had, but not in the way these people were.

“So, that fiancée of yours,” Mosley said pouring himself and Tommy a drink. “Tell me more about her.” 

“That’s none of your business,” Tommy said lighting a cigarette, rolling it between his lips and lighting it. 

“What an interesting story,” Mosley said. “Her and her family. Her uncle killed in a Pogrom, forcing the family to flee to Birminham from Krakow, Poland. Her brothers joining the war effort here, fighting in the treches, with you. You saved her older brother, Abraham’s life, as well as the lives of many others. Just like her brother did for you and many others later.” 

“Anything else you might add?” Tommy asked. 

“She has a sick father, He picked up something in the trenches, cancer. The poor man doesn’t have much longer left. Most likely a couple weeks at most. He won’t live to see his little girl get married. And when her father got sick, she got another job as a barmaid and musican at your pub. And then she started doing work for you,” Mosley finished. 

Tommy scoffed. “She was just my secretary, nothing more. She paid bills, ran errands, and did stuff a normal secretary would do. There was nothing sexual between us.” 

“Then why was she one of the last ones that didn’t run out of the pub at your interview,” he said. 

“She can stomach working for the Shelby Family,” he said. “She knows how violent it can get.” 

“Stomach working for the Shelby Family or for you?” Mosley asked him, though he already knew the answer. “I don’t blame you for wanting to. Anyone looking at her wants to. You’re a lucky man Mr. Shelby.” 

“My wife’s off limits,” Tommy sneared. “What you want with me, you can have me, but leave my fiancée out of this. What do you want?” 

“Your allegiance,” he said. “You and your fiancée both have an unsavoury past. You ran Birmingham with an iron fist with the Peaky Blinders.” 

“And you want my help with what exactly?” Tommy asked. 

“You will help me bring to life my new political party, the British Union of Facists. You can get the working class to our side and be even more powerful.” 

As Anya delt with Diana, she was searching desperately for some vodka as she talked with the other wives, mistresses, and fiancées around them. A flute of champagne in her hand, she was smiling, hoping that she wasn’t getting too drunk. “So, Anya, darling,” a woman said. She couldn’t recall her name, but she was in her 50s, she had dyed brown hair that was curled and she was dressed in jewells. “When’s the date?”

“When is the date, Anya,” Diana smiled. “You haven’t told me.” 

“We don’t know yet,” she said. “A lot of moving parts and my father’s ill, I have to sort out things for pupils. I still haven’t found a dress, but I’m thinking of asking my sister-in-law EJ to make it for me.”  

That’s all the women talked about. What their kids were doing, how they owed their nannies a great deal, how their husbands were always so wrapped up in business that they never had time for them. Anya’s upcoming wedding.  

“I wonder what the men are talking about,” Anya asked in a vain attempt to get the conversation off her impending wedding.

“Nothing for our fragile brains,” one of the older women laughed. 

“Oh, we’ve had the right to vote for years now,” Anya said. “We should be able to listen to what our husbands are saying.” 

“Politics is no place for us,” another woman chided her. 

“I’m very involved in my fiancée’s matters,” she said. “It’s a new century, time to bring in the new.” She raised a champagne glass and smirked. The same smirk her brothers had, the same smirk they’d inherited from their father and uncle. 

“No place for a respectable lady,” another woman huffed. 

“But by your view, I’m not a ‘respectable lady’,” Anya said taking another sip of her drink. The woman looked at her incrediously. All the women’s eyes turned to her. “I grew up poor, I’m an immigrant, I’m not Christian, if I’m with my family, I’m not speaking English, we’re speaking Yiddish. I’ve held jobs, I’m a school teacher, and I help my fiancé in his political indevours. By your view, someone of high society, someone who’s family came from money and holds titles, something my fiancé and I will never have. So, tell me, does that sound like a ‘respectable lady to you?’ Anya asked. 

The women were too stunned to speak as they looked at her in shock. She seemed to have upset the High Society Ladies. Diana Mosley looked at her with shock, awe, and maybe a bit of admiration. 

 “You’ve got a mouth,” a woman said. 

“What do you expect, she’s foreign,” another woman laughed. 

That struck a nerve with Anya. All her life, she was told ‘she’s foreign, she wouldn’t get it’ or was treated differently because of it. “My brother Abe received a medal for his time serving for the King in WWI. For both distinguished service and a military medal. His actions at the Battle of Verdunne savec Allied lives. All my other brothers fought for the king, so did my Dad. Who is now dying of cancer because of the gas used in the trenches. So, tell me, how am I not English? I’ve lived most of my life here. I’ve spent more time here than I did in Poland.” 

The night was more hostile on Anya’s part than on Tommy’s part. After schmoozing with a few other MPs, they returned back to their hotel at the Ritz-Carlton/. 

“I’ll never get the aristocracy,” Anya announced as she collapsed onto the bed. “The Eton and King’s College Educated men that treated their wives like dirt and people they deemed inferior even worse. 

“Neither will I,” Tommy admitted. “But it’s the new world we live in.” 

“The world you dragged me into,” Anya stated as Tommy started getting undressed for bed. 

Tommy sighed and looked at her, unbuttoning his shirt. “Mosley knows about us,” he said. 

“How?” Anya asked. 

“He must know somebody,” Tommy stated. “Someone in Birmingham.” 

“Tommy,” she said. “It was an open secret in Birmingham. Everybody knew about us, but no one said anything because of you. Because of who you are.” 

“He knows about your Uncle back in Poland,” Tommy said. “He knows about your father. He knows about Noam and Gal.” 

She looked at him in shock. “You’re Thomas Shelby,” she snapped. “You can’t let him get under your skin. I know that Mosley’s been in some unsavoury activities. He’s tipped to be the next Prime Minister. But he has dealings with Hitler. They both do. Use that to your advantage.” 

It was then the phone rang in their room that sent Anya scrambling toward it. She picked it up. “Hello?” She asked. It was Isaac on the other end of the line. “Anya,” he whimpered. He sounded like he’d been crying. “Anya, s'iz tate. Er iz arafgefarn. Ir tsvey darfn tsu bakumen tsurik vi bald vi meglekh. Es iz tseyt tsu zogn zay gezunt.” (It's Dad. He's gone downhill. You two need to get back as soon as possible. It's time to say goodbye.) And her world crumbled to the ground like a house of cards. It was time.

[ahhvernin]

Reasons why my brain wants to leave the job even though its only been like 3 years.

1. Brain is bored, not being challenged, if challenged not supported or encouraged.

2. Not encouraged, or praised, just ordered with directive.

3. Not allowed to take charge of a task, even if task has been given to me several times over with no issue but its always taken away, even though I’ve expressed interest in continuing it.

4. $$$$$ bills food cost of living.

5. Exhausted from catering and dealing with the same habits and issues from coworkers.

6. Questioned or met with road blocks every single attempt to improve efficiency or new method or asking to learn more and understand more deeply the processes.

7.Told to make a network, so I network, but supervisor does not appreciate the networks I’ve made.

8. Feeling like an imposter.

9. Not remembering how I got hired or how I got hired or made it this far, feeling like I know nothing even though Ive been at this job for 3 years everyone else feels like they know more.

10. The fear that I’ve overshared.

11. The fear that it takes about 3 years for people to call me out on my bullshit.

12. Being micromanaged to the point where I can’t get my work done anymore. Aka 4 phone calls from the boss within 10 minutes.

13. Boss actively denying me more training, education or info.  Then reprimanding me when I don't know.

14. Feeling like I have some authority to something, but I do not have any respect from upper management or have mixed messages from upper management.

15. Overwritten without any communication / Credit stolen

16. Repeated issues and deficiencies not addressed.

17. Problem continue even after after hours. What are your reasons?

[xaviercarbonel]

Soles for the Soul

My passion for sneakers started after joining my local basketball travel team in the winter of 5th grade. I had never played organized basketball before, so I was anxious about both learning how to play and fitting in. I remember one of my first practices showing up in regular running shoes and being told that I should get real basketball shoes so I don't end up hurting myself. With that advice, I went to a local Dicks Sporting Goods with my mom and picked out my first ever pair of basketball shoes. The shoe I picked was the KD Trey IV’s. In the sneaker community, these were more of an actual playing basketball shoe rather than a fashion piece. Yet at the time, that didn't bother me at all. I became completely obsessed with the shoe itself and the history behind it. From that point on, my love for shoes grew more and more. The shoes gave me a new sense of confidence, and I began to play better than I ever did before. 

It wasn’t until 7th grade that I bought my second pair of basketball shoes. My previous KD’s were pretty beat up, and the traction on them wasn't the same as they once were. This time around, when it came to purchasing new shoes, I used an app called StockX to help me find the right shoe. I spent hours researching what shoes were technically the best for actual playing. I watched YouTube videos, read through countless articles online, and even created a spreadsheet rating shoes on their traction, ankle support, comfort, price, and weight. I eventually ended up purchasing the Kobe AD Exodus ‘Moon Particle’. This shoe was one step closer to buying more fashionable shoes, yet still using them for basketball. I ended up waiting about a week and a half for these new shoes to come in, constantly bugging my mom to track and see where they are. When they finally came in and I was able to test them out, I realized how the wait was worth it. Every aspect of the shoe was exactly what I was looking for. They were extremely comfortable, I had great ankle support, the on-court traction was good, and they were a super cool-looking pair of kicks. 

The next step in growing my sneaker collection was buying a pair of shoes that were for a fashionable purpose rather than actual functionality. Over the years, I have done research on dozens of different shoes, all with varying histories and stories behind them. Yet one shoe that always stood out to me was the Jordan 1. The only problem at the time was the price of them. The exact pair that I wanted was the Jordan 1 Retro Chicago, which at the time were between 800$-1200$. Now obviously, as a young and clumsy 14-year-old, wearing a pair of 1200$ shoes probably wasn’t the best idea, yet it was all I wanted. So after saving up money for two years, I had around 400$-500$ dollars to spend on a pair of shoes. With this money, I ended up buying two pairs of shoes. I got the Jordan 1 ‘Mochas’, along with the Jordan 11 ‘Concords’. These shoes were the start of the collection that I continue to expand today. Along with these Jordan 1’s and 11’s, I have added a pair of Jordan 1 Mid ‘Smoke Grey’, New Balance 550, and even Jordan 1 Low Football Cleats. I think that the next shoe I want to purchase is the Nike SB x Air Jordan 4 ‘Pine Green’. Right now it's just a matter of finding a pair for a reasonable price that are in good condition. Overall, I am extremely happy with the collection I’ve built so far and hope to get it to be around 10-15 shoes that I truly love.

[lunatic-fandom-space]

alrightttttttt, believe it or not ladies, gents and other friends, I am actually continuing with my little project even though I have yet to get unemployed! but not at the same rate or with the same regularity as I did at the beginning of all this, on account of the non-unemployment

Next up on my list is actually another musical, its called Sisi - kaiserliche Schönheit and I thought it came out in 2001 but it actually premiered in 1991 under the title Sissi & Romy. When I first heard of this one I basically thought it was going to be some shallow saccharine bullshit, basically the exact kind of media that Elisabeth das musical was criticizing, and I mean, I havent listened to it yet, these are purely my preemptive speculations, but knowing that it came out before that and knowing that its original title actually gives me some hope that it might have something to say. Because like, the Romy in the title has to be Romy Schneider, right? Its gonna say something about our cultural perception of Elisabeth being largely shaped by those romantic 50s-propaganda ass movies, I assume? I mean, even if it wasn't called that, pretty much every piece of post-sissi trilogy Sissi-media that Ive seen so far has had some deconstructive elements, so I'd quite be disappointed if this one ended that trend because I think its a very good trend

Anyway, I first found this musical on musicalradio.de (where its they say that its from 2002 which is why I thought that) and I despaired because the thing about musicalradio.de is that there are a lot of musical recordings on there that you cant find anywhere else for free online (and that have limited availability even you are willing to pay for them) but you cannot download them directly, and the only way to listen to them is by requesting them and you need an account to request songs more than once a day and also they have this really obnoxious queue system for the requests and they play ads after what feels like every third songs, and it just sucks ass. So if you wanted to listen to some of the difficult-to-find musical recordings in your own time, you would essentially have to figure out a way to record audio straight off the website, then go through its awful ad-filled song-requesting system to request and record a song, and then do that like 20 times. I have done that. not with this musical, but with three separate obscure german-language dracula musicals, and after that I was really REALLY not looking forward to doing it again so soon, but obviously I had to for this project and it made me really upset to think about.

I did sit down one day with the intention of doing all of that, but then I was like "no, i know the possibility of this musical no one has ever heard of thats represented on this website by a graphic that looks like shit being anywhere else online is slim, but I need to check just in case before I waste a bunch of precious hours of my life" and lo and behold, someone has actually uploaded the songs onto youtube! And by 'someone' I mean Roland Baumgartner, the composer of this musical who has an official youtube channel with a total of 190 subscribers. It seems like hes made other musical-type stuff about other historical figures like Maria Theresia, Martin Luther and Marilyn Monroe, what appear to be musical adaptations of fairytales as well as (maybe?) original stories, as well as tracks for tv-shows ive never heard of. Theres also some miscellaneous videos, most of whom I cant really categorize without watching them, and among those are a 15 minute trailer for Sisi - kaiserliche Schönheit which has by far the most popular thing on his channel with over 6000 views, a 44 minute news report about the world premiere of Sisi - kaiserliche Schönheit, and a 4 minute presentation (?) about Sisi - kaiserliche Schönheit. So I guess I'll watch those after listening to the songs to get a sense of the shows visuals, because it has been performed live, this isnt like a concept album or anything. Honestly, just based on what ive seen on this channel, Im kinda fascinated by Roland Baumgartner as a person but i also have no desire to attempt forming a parasocial relationship with him (even though I could, because theres also interviews on his channel) so I guess Im just gonna live with that fascination forever now

Anyway, overall I am quite excited to consume Sisi - kaiserliche Schönheit, but theres one thing thats making me feel a little apprehensive and its the fact that the accompanying graphics of the songs look like this:

as a matter of fact, that second image is just how practically all of this guy's thumbnails look, so. thats interesting i guess

[fictionfixations]

IM GOING TO CRY I FUCKING DID IT

HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN

2 WEEKS (i was stuck on olivine boss because i just couldnt figure out a workable strategy and i KNOW thats probably not that long in the grand scheme of things but holy fucking shit)

okay okay you know what i did

im already starting to forget it because holy shit but like so

i dont know how but i managed to wait long enough to get everyones ult up???

like so i might be wrong but i think the ppl who immediately guard after like attacking or doing anything really-- i *think* their basic attack has some kind of taunt? or i might be totally wrong but i made them attack if other peoples hp were low but othewrise it was a lot of GUARD GUARD GUARd and not using my ults at all and managing to tank it somehow (i swear i did this before but since then ive been trying to strengthen my characters so like. IDK)

and then i got everyones ults up so i used them all during the same turn and then he could take damage and holy fuckk 😭😭😭

in all honesty idk what i did different that let me win because i mean i think i saved my ults. but also im so fucking tired and the second i stopped needing the strategy i just completely forgot what i did besieds like a vague recollection so IDK for all i know i used my ults early

actually i think i did use my ults early. i dont know how i survived long enough for everyones ults to then get up later though 😭

.........................okay wait no i think

..i think i used morvay and dante ult (as they both do the guarding n taunt) except i waited an extra turn before using it.

and then i think that got everyone elses ult so then i could use them all

so wait yeah i did wait i didnt use them immediately what im confusing myself

and then somehow that got everyones ult synced together?? like they all got their ult back at the same time im so confused

and idk the rhythm of when olivine attacks past turn 10 cause i was using the guide and it was like he'll debuff himself so he wont hurt your allies and im just like

????? idk maybe i did something wrong cause then both blades (who ult without guarding) got fucked. and im not sure if thats because i didnt use like a healing ult because everyone else's hp was good. idk if it wouldve made a difference or if it wouldve been wasted i have no idea

anyway i think id actually be done if there was a limit to how many turns before he insta killed. cause if that existed i think id just self destruct (i took an early screenshot in case i got killed before then, of proof of I ACTUALLY MADE IT SOMEWHERE LETS GOO)

off topic but i think there are 15 chapters? or more than 15? i read a fic which contained (light) chapter 15 spoilers and the way i felt vindicated that HELL YEAH MY PREDICTION WAS RIGHT anyway

but holy fuck 15 ???? im. i jinxed myself last time during like rin's boss fight (or it was rei's idk i did rin and rei during i think either the same day or the day after each other) cause i was like sure hope there arent any more hard bosses and then i got olivine and i just got so confused on what to do because i was struggling to figure out an actual strategy 😭

i. i really hope there arent more boss fights

i mean. i dont think ive seen posts on reddit asking for help during chapters other then like rin rei and olivine but also i havent been looking that far so ive no idea

anyway fucking yippee i feel so drained already its only been like half an hour of me attempting this again but goddamn the way this stressed me out

i think theres a possibility i could beat it without losing anyone. but tbh im so done seeing that battle man get me outta here 💀

(if anyones seeing this and you know theres ANOTHER boss battle. please tell me so i can at least mentally perpare myself. im not gonna continue story rn so)

[professional-dragonsandmemes]

ugh fuck mulching my backyard is harder than i thought

last time i mulched (im using woodchips dumped by gardeners in our neighborhood's greenbelt) i used my own 5 gallon bucket plus a 10 or 15 gallon bucket that i borrowed from the greenbelt. and i was only doing an area that was like, 50-100 sq ft.

But now im doing the ENTIRE YARD and theres no 15 gallon bucket to borrow so im trying to use trash bags (13 gallons) instead cuz i can bring as many as i want on each trip with my car but getting the woodchips into the bags and then getting the full bags to and in the car is so hard! ive only done one trip so far, with 3 trash bags,, and then had to take like an hour break. and what i brought back to the yard BARELY COVERED LIKE 10% OF IT UGHH