#jaskier is playing the fucking long game

[lambden]

hello to all the new followers tonight, 1. i love you 2. where did you come from and 3. im so sorry you had to join me on this most embarrassing night of my life, where im fully rewatching season 2 from start to finish for the first time and losing my fucking mind all over again

[maculategiraffe]

did anyone at all see rebel moon and why is the bad guy's white button down shirt and dark tie not all anyone is talking about. they're all wearing perfectly respectable star wars outfits-- dusty boots, tunics, robes, hooded cloaks, funny hats, long military coats and shiny boots for the bad guys-- and then this fucking guy walks out on screen dressed like THIS

cannot possibly describe how insane this sartorial choice is for this setting. this is like if geralt and jaskier sat down in a pub and the carolina-duke basketball game was playing on a flatscreen behind the bar. this is like if a drunken sandor clegane told sansa to sing for him and she started singing "baby" by justin bieber. I'm going to lose my goddamn mind

[jasxier]

As much as I ove the idea of Jaskier pining for Geralt for the entirety of his adult life, I am equally fascinated by the idea of Jaskier being totally oblivious to the fact that Geralt is in love with him. 

And so I give you this. Imagine the two of them having a “bonding time” around the campfire and Jaskier asks “what’s your type?” and Geralt is delighted!

J: Ok, i want you to answer this one, please, you suck at this game, really. What’s your type? When it comes to people.. we’re NOT talking about horses! G: Hmm.. J: I won’t take any hmms as a valid answer G: I was thinking! J: Yeah right *gets a kick as a result, that bastard deserved it probabbly* G: Well, soft skin..soft hair J: Good, at least we’re talking about humans this time, good! G: *killer stare but goes on bcs he’s so amused by the situation* Warm skin, inviting arms.. J: *delighted* Geralt!! I didn’t know you knew so many words! G: *tries his best to hide a smile* Moving on!!! hA, you’re gonna love this one.. Big tits! J: Oh yes, you’re right *stares longingly into the flames* G: Broad shoulders.. J: That’s quite unusual, I must admit, but with the right choice of clothing everything is possible G: Chestnut long-ish hair, *looks at the back of J’s neck* yeah, reaching the neck J: Cool, cool, i can totally picture her! You want me to compose a little something about this magicall lady? G: I’m not done yet.  J: Oh, sorry! Do go on! G: As tall as me.. J: *is bewildered* i don’t remember seeing you with a lady this tall. In fact, i don’t remember ever meeting a woman as tall as me! Though I would be OHOHO SO PLEASED TO MEET HER! G: Back to our topic! Hmmm, ah... small pouty mouth that never shuts up. J: That’s oddly specific but go on! G: *is having the time of his life* Blue eyes, beautiful long fingers . J: *stares at the void then his hands then at the void again* G: Has an incomparable singing voice.. J: Waaiit... G: Plays a lute J: *surprised picachu face* Fuck! aaand they kiss..

[yellowspiralbound]

Since season 3 of The Witcher Netflix comes out tomorrow...here are some of my concerns on adaptation from this season onward. Potential spoilers for the future seasons and definite spoilers for the books. Long post ahead.

The Hansa's Dynamic

I am so worried about how the Hansa is going to be handled in the show. Like shaking in my boots terrified. The showrunners already really messed up Dandelion & Geralt's dynamic...and that's one of the easier dynamics present in the Hansa imo. The dynamic is already going to be screwy because Cahir is a middle aged man and not a petulant teenager if he's present in the Hansa at all (though I think he will be since Emhyr called him and Fringilla out at the end of s2).

Emhyr as a Character

Speaking of Emhyr...I think they might attempt to give him a redemption arc, and I cannot emphasize how bad of an idea that is. They're going to retcon the whole "wanting to impregnate Ciri" bit, which I have mixed feelings on. Like yes, on one hand that's fucking gross but on the other hand, that bit is in there to show how fucked up Emhyr is and why Geralt needs to get to Ciri so quickly; it adds a sense of urgency to the Hansa's travels. If I see Emhyr sympathizers on my dash after this season I will lose my fucking mind.

Milva's Pregnancy & Related Scenes

I suspect that Milva's pregnancy is going to be cut entirely or play up the rest of the Hansa's concern for her as a weird "men think they can control women's bodies" thing which Milva will have to fight with them about so the show can be appropriately pro-choice without exploring any of the pro-choice nuance the books bring up. I can just see Regis talking to the guys about it being turned into a "the father deserves a say in a woman's choice to abort" scenario instead of the "I will give this woman her abortion regardless of what you all think about that (and I've made that VERY clear) but I think she's making this choice because she believes you all will abandon her/not support her if she wants to keep this baby and someone needs to make sure that she knows that won't happen" scenario that it actually is. This is also plays into my concerns about the Hansa's dynamic as changing that scene changes it irreparably.

Characterizing Nilfgaard as a Nation

Right now I feel like the show could go one of two ways 1) Nilfgaard is wrong in everything it does or 2) Nilfgaard is right in everything it does (if Emhyr gets a redemption arc). The show has already made a show of the Northern Realms' racism, which is book accurate mind you, but I fear this will translate to a sort of "Nilfgaard is the better nation as its less racist" scenario. While Nilfgaard is better in that aspect and a few others, it is still a militant slave nation. Nilfgaard and the Northern Realms both have their evils and their virtues; that's a big point in the books and the games. Neither nation is 100% good or 100% bad - they're just nations. I don't think the show will be able to handle that kind of nuance.

Jaskier & Radovid...

Apparently, Radovid is supposed to be one of Jask's love interests this season. Radovid is a massive racist, a war criminal, and a teenager. I'm sure all of that's going to be retconned but for fuck's sake just make a new character if you're going to age up and completely change the personality and insanity of an existing one. Important note: I am 1000% in support of queer Jask. I have never shipped that man with a woman in my life (even in the books and games) but for the love of God why did his LI have to be fucking RADOVID??

Mistle & the Rats

If they make Ciri and Mistle a love story, I am going to be disappointed but not surprised. Let me be clear: Mistle is a rapist and an abuser. I suspect they will change that to shoehorn in a queer relationship (even though Triss and Philippa are RIGHT THERE if they want a semi-canon wlw couple). The Rats as a whole are definitely going to be made into more robinhood-like characters because God forbid a main character like Ciri is morally grey or does questionable/bad things.

Geralt's Disability

If this season ends with the Vilgefortz and Geralt fight, as I suspect it might, Geralt will be disabled permanently by the end of this season. The dryads do not fix it. Magic does not fix it. Geralt becomes disabled and stays disabled. His disability becomes a hindrance during the books and the reader actively sees him grapple with the fallout of this. I do not trust this show to handle that - especially with how much more closed off Geralt is in the show compared to the books. If I had to guess, Geralt's disability will be handwaved away or mentioned in passing and never actually shown to impact him which is not cool.

[maithefluffychicken]

True Colors

Rated T, Geraskier, DnD, getting together, coming out, fluffy fluff stuff. Ao3 link. Enjoy!

"Ok, your turn, bard," Geralt asks him, smirking. "What are you gonna do?"

Jaskier smirks back at him, very smugly, looking at Geralt and leaning in just so.

"I'm gonna roll for Vicious Mockery, let the bard save the day again, huh?" He grins, rolling the dice between his fingers… Long and slender fingers that have their nails polished with the rainbow’s colours and that are not distracting Geralt at all.

The whole group gasps when the dice stop rolling and…

"No fucking way!" Lambert yells, hands flying to his head.

"Holy shit YES!" Exclaims Eskel at the same time.

"Fucking bard and his stupid good luck with the dices!" Laughs Aiden.

The dice is showing them a natural 20. Perfect score. When Geralt talks again over the laughs and yelling of their friends, his voice is full of emotion and he talks faster than ever.

"Dandelion the Bard looks at the Elf King dead in the face and he starts singing solemnly, casting Vicious Mockery while strumming his lute. Dandelion?”

Jaskier improvises a rhyme and a silly tune for the delight of his friends.

Geralt can’t hide his own smile, his best friend is gorgeous like this, just having fun while playing DnD with a bunch of misfits; Jaskier could spend his time with someone much better than them, any girl of their class would be delighted to be in a date with Jaskier, and yet…

“He thrust every elf/

Far back on the shelf/

High up on the mountain/

From whence it came/”

Jaskier sings with a deep, rich voice, and Geralt wants to be annoyed by his antics… But the game is still on.

Lambert and Eskel snort and Aiden just shakes his head, smiling and leaning over Lambert.

“The Elf King looks at you and draws his sword, but your Vicious Mockery…”

“And my amazing Nat20.”

“And your impressive Nat20, yes… Are too strong for him and he falls on his knees, dropping his sword… Aiden, roll for acrobatics! While the bard was singing and melting the King’s brain, you’ve been surrounded by elves: three warriors and two archers…”

—

To eat the greasiest pizza after their DnD session is a sacred tradition… A sacred tradition that his brothers are now ignoring in favour of, well, get laid, Geralt supposes.

Eskel left them in a hurry, arguing that he had a date with Triss, his long-live crush, and that he wanted to impress her at the Arcade, and soon after, Lambert and Aiden left together, no explanations given, Aiden had just smiled at them shyly and waved his hand in goodbye.

Leaving Geralt alone with, well, with Jaskier.

That is not a problem itself, Jaskier decided long ago that Geralt was his best friend and somehow, that he was Geralt’s best friend too. At first, Geralt was baffled by the whole thing: a stray kid, adopted along with two other boys by a single father, leaving almost in the middle of nowhere, they all were misfits, outcasts… and the brightest, loudest, happiest kid Geralt ever known just decided that they should be best friends.

That was ten years ago, give or take. Geralt can’t remember the exact moment when he thought about Jaskier as his best friend, after trying once and again to scare the younger boy away. 

And now… Well, now Geralt was feeling rather odd around Jaskier. Not angry at him, nor upset. But… suddenly shy, everytime he found Jaskier looking at him, or worse, blushing whenever Jaskier casually touched him in the arm or whatever.

Being alone with Jaskier is both thrilling and terrifying, and Geralt feels tense and hot all over his body watching the boy licking his fingers clean after finishing a portion of pizza. His lips glisten under the dim light of the shitty pizza joint they both love. 

“Geralt, dear, you’re staring, do I have something…?” Jaskier says, and licks his lips. Geralt follows hungrily the path of his pink tongue lapping those full, pouty lips.

“N-no, you’re ok, I was just…” Geralt stutters.

I was just wondering how it would be if I kissed you, his not-at-all-helpful mind supplies. Jaskier is still looking at him, smiling fondly, and Geralt feels petrified by those bright, ice blue eyes.

“This pizza is not that good to render you speechless, Geralt,” Jaskier laughs. “Or are you thinking about my Nat20 again?”

Geralt snorts at last, looking away to avoid Jaskier’s natural spells.

“Huh, Jaskier, that was just luck,” Geralt teases.

“Knowing how to play and they call it luck,” Jaskier replies, shrugging and smiling. “It was, as you said yourself, impressive.”

Geralt shrugs too. 

“Well, ok, it was, are you happy?”

“Very.” Jaskier’s smile widens and Geralt… Geralt wants to make Jaskier very happy again, he just doesn’t know how to. So he changes the topic.

“Hey, what’s with your fingernails?” Geralt asks.

Jaskier eyes widen in fear and he looks at his hands like he hadn’t realised that they were there the whole time.

“Oh fuck, I just forgot about them after…”

“Hm?” 

“I-I need to go! I’m sorry!”

Jaskier stands up and takes his backpack and rushes to leave, almost bumping into a young couple in his run.

“What… Jaskier! Wait!”

-

Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck.

Jaskier had forgotten completely about his stupid rainbow nail polish after the gig; it had been the first year that he was able to perform at the Pride and he was so freaking happy to be able to play and sing for an audience like him.

He was still floating about it two days after, and he arrived to Geralt’s place to play DnD without realising that his nails were still proudly showing the rainbow flag.

And now he was running away from his best friend, scratch that, running away from the love of his short life, and feeling the tears running down his flushed cheeks.

He was still inside the closet for his dearest friend. Of the Morhen boys, Eskel was the first one to know, basically because he found Jaskier crying his heart out when Geralt started dating Yennefer, a girl from his class. So Jaskier confessed his love for Eskel’s brother then, and Eskel held him tight until he stopped crying.

That happened two years ago, when Jaskier was just fifteen and was still discovering his own body and feelings. And boy, he discovered how much a broken heart hurts.

Then, not long ago, was Jaskier who stepped in to find Lambert and his very dear friend Aiden making out in the Morhen’s green-house. Lambert and Aiden were petrified in fear and Jaskier had to confess himself and to promise them that he would never get them out and that he would help the younger boys to hide their romance until they were ready.

That was how Jaskier found in the younger of the Morhen brothers a fierce protector and a dear friend.

But Geralt…

Jaskier couldn’t get out in front of Geralt. He’s his best friend, more than that, Geralt is more important to Jaskier than anything else, Jaskier doesn’t want to lose him, and…

And it’s not like Geralt will reject him because of his sexual orientation, no, Geralt has never showed a hint of hate towards the queer community; no, Jaskier is afraid that if Geralt knows about Jaskier being, well, gay or bi or pan or whatever, Jaskier is still discovering that… Jaskier is afraid that Geralt will know about his feelings for him.

Jaskier is barely able to hide his love for Geralt now, shielded by Geralt’s wrong assumption about Jaskier being straight. The moment Geralt realises Jaskier is attracted to men too… Geralt will know. And Geralt will politely say to him that his love is unrequited. And then Geralt will stop being his friend just as he’s stopped being friends with Yennefer after their break up, and Fringilla before Yennefer, and Keira before Fringilla… Geralt doesn’t believe in being friends with those that want him. 

Jaskier can’t have that.

Jaskier would not let that happen.

“Jaskier!”

Geralt is running after him, and fuck, he’s fast.

“Geralt, please, I need to go!” Jaskier yells back at him, people avoiding them and watching them in confusion.

“Ok but.. I’ll call you later to check that you’re safe at home…” Geralt says loudly, and when Jaskier looks over his shoulder to look at him, Geralt is not running anymore, just looking at him with the saddest expression ever.

Jaskier stops running too.

He wipes his tears with the back of his hand, his backpack is heavy and tugs at his shoulders, and his lungs - used to sing for hours - hurts with the need to scream and cry.

He’s so tired.

He looks at his coloured nails again, the rainbow flag he’s so proud of seems like it’s making fun at him, now. But no, he’s the one making fun of the flag, he’s the one hurting himself.

June is the month to be proud of who we are. June is the month to be honest.

If Geralt doesn’t want to be his friend because he has feelings for him, well, then maybe Geralt is not his best friend after all.

It’s going to hurt, Jaskier knows it, but this constant lie is hurting him too.

Jaskier turns back to where Geralt is standing, his pained expression doing things to Jaskier’s heart. The extremely blond boy is just looking at him with concern and hope and by the way Geralt is clenching his fists, Jaskier knows Geralt wants to reach him.

“Geralt…” He whispers, his voice breaking. A lump in his throat is threatening him with more crying.

“I’m so sorry, Jaskier,” Geralt says instead. “I don’t know what happened, but I’m so sorry, I never wanted to upset you.”

Geralt takes a step closer to Jaskier, and good lord, why is everything so difficult? How can they be in this situation now? They argue a lot of times, for a lot of things, but Jaskier has never felt this scared before, nor has seen his friend this sad because of him, apparently.

“It’s not… It’s not your fault… It’s… Can we please go back to your house?” 

-

Geralt drives them back home, in silence.

He adores silence, it’s so difficult to find a moment of peace in his house, with Lambert being always a mouthy bastard and arguing about everything, and Eskel’s constant chattering and teasing and… And with Jaskier.

Loud, noisy Jaskier, always talking about fucking everything, always singing or humming for fuck’s sake. Jaskier, who is unable to be silent for more than five minutes, the boy even talks during his sleep, always with so much to say to the world.

Now, Jaskier is not talking, nor humming. He’s just sitting by his side during the short ride to Geralt’s house. And Geralt hates the silence.

His best friend has his eyes red and puffy, silent tears running down his cheeks, and Geralt is doing his best to just don’t reach and wipe them away gently and to promise Jaskier that everything is going to be fine, even if Geralt can’t understand what the fuck is happening.

Once at home again, Geralt leads Jaskier to his room and rushes to prepare tea for both of them. When in distress, prepare tea. Drink it, and then carry on. That’s what Vesemir says.

“Thank you,” says Jaskier with a soft, broken voice. It’s so wrong, Jaskier should be always happy, singing and chirping and…

“It’s a rainbow flag,” he adds, stopping Geralt’s thoughts.

“”What?”

“My fingernails. I painted them like this for… the Pride,” Jaskier explains, but he sounds off, scared even. Scared of what, Geralt doesn’t know. 

“Hm,” he answers, with a lack of something better to say.

“I… I played there, with Priss and Essi, for… for the Pride concerts, we applied and they… wanted us there…”

“That’s great!” Geralt exclaims and startles Jaskier, who clings to his cup tightly. “You three have been doing great with your band, of course they wanted you there! Why didn’t you tell us? We could have gone!”

Somehow, to say that, to… to offer Jaskier his support, makes Jaskier sobs harder, and Geralt wishes to know what to do.

"What? Jaskier, what…?"

"Geralt, it was the Pride!" Jaskier whines.

"Yeah, you just said that."

"Do you know what it is… Do you know what the rainbow flag means?" Jaskier asks, looking at him with panic in his eyes. 

Geralt looks at him, at his pouty lips now wet, and back again at his glistening, weeping blue eyes.

"Hm," Geralt needs a moment to think about something that is not kissing Jaskier. It's not easy, the need to comfort his friend and to reassure him is too strong. But he manages.

Rainbow flag. Yeah, that rings a bell, he has seen that flag, somewhere. He thinks Aiden, Lambert's best friend, has some stickers and such with it, and other flags with different colours.

Oh.

Oh.

"Yes, yes of course I know what it means, Jaskier," Geralt answers, feeling delirious. I just didn't want to hope.

"And?" Jaskier asks, expectantly. "Geralt, it was not a simple gig, we weren't there just because, but because Priss and Essi and I, we are… I am…"

Geralt kneels in front of him, and lets his hands rest on Jaskier's lap.

"Why didn't you tell me earlier?" Geralt asks softly. "Were you afraid of me…? Did you think that I would… that I wouldn't want to be your friend anymore?"

Jaskier nods slowly, more tears spilling from his eyes.

"But not for the reason you think," Jaskier cries. "I know you would accept me as I am, but…"

Geralt's heart is breaking, watching his friend crying, sobbing hopelessly and thinking that Geralt could ever stop being his friend, for any reason at all… That's just absurd, because Geralt… he… He's in love with Jaskier and…

And Jaskier doesn't know it.

"Jaskier… Julek… it's ok, I'm here," Geralt promises, taking Jaskier's tea off his hands and hugging him, as tight as he can. Jaskier clings to him, sobbing.

"You'll hate me!" Jaskier cries, grabbing his shirt, and Geralt just… just can't.

"Never," Geralt reassures him. 

"You'll hate me because I love you!" Jaskier yells. "And you push away all of your ex girlfriends, so why would I be different?" 

Geralt freezes then, still holding Jaskier.

Jaskier loves him.

Jaskier loves him.

Flirty, flighty, social butterfly Jaskier, the boy who decided to be Geralt's best friend.

Bright, loud, noisy, wonderful Jaskier.

"It's… quite different," Geralt says at last and Jaskier snorts.

"It is, Jaskier, because… Because I…" Geralt takes a deep breath. "I love you too."

The last part is just a whisper, reverent, contained. It's a truth that he's been avoiding for years. 

Jaskier squirms until he can lock his blue eyes with Geralt's own.

"You mean… as a friend?" He asks.

Geralt smiles at him fondly and shakes his head slowly before leaning in, his eyes flicking from Jaskier's eyes to his lips. 

Jaskier's breath is warm against Geralt's lips, his skin is wet and a little clammy after all the crying and sobbing.

"Geralt…" Jaskier whispers, breathless.

"May I?"

Jaskier closes his eyes slowly, leaning in until he can find Geralt in the middle.

Their first kiss is chaste and shy and, well, not how Geralt would have imagined, not with Jaskier crying in fear and rushed confessions, but it's perfect, because it is Jaskier who is kissing him back.

Geralt reaches for Jaskier's hands and threads their fingers together.

"You had no idea what the rainbow or the Pride mean, right?" Jaskier asks, smiling wide, with his forehead resting on Geralt's shoulder.

"I thought you simply liked the…, what's it called? The colourful aesthetic." Geralt answers, shrugging, making Jaskier chuckle.

They stay like this for a while, Geralt studying Jaskier's painted nails and caressing his hands softly.

"You could paint mine," Geralt offers.

"Geralt…"

"Maybe for the Pride next year?" Geralt asks, hopeful. "I.. I could go there and see your gig…"

Jaskier kisses him again, less chaste, more hungrily, and Geralt can't suppress the growl that rises from the deep of his chest.

"I'd love that, my dearest."

-

“Ok, ok, Eskel, your turn…”

Jaskier can’t help but to look at Geralt in awe while he leads the party through the Dungeon; Geralt always seems happy and free during their DnD sessions, but lately he seems… resplandescent.

Geralt glances at him and smiles knowingly while Eskel keeps talking, and Jaskier’s heart does a somersault under his golden gaze. Gods, Geralt is going to be the death of him, and now that Jaskier knows his taste, his hunger, the caresses of his hands… 

“Hey, bard, wake up!” Lambert exclaims. Aiden is basically sitting on his lap, laughing softly. “Do your bard wiles!”

“C’mon, give us another Nat20, bard!” Eskel cheers.

Jaskier chuckles.

He takes the dice and rolls it over the table.

By his side, Geralt smiles at him, wide and unguarded, his hands at either side of the Master's screen, and every one of his fingernails are painted with the colours of the rainbow, to match Jaskier’s own hands. 

“Ok, dice, gimme a Nat20!”

[kuwdora]

Surface Tension Geralt/Yen/Jaskier Explicit ~5500w Orgasm denial, edging, subspace, d/s, praise kink and a host of other sex acts that really are secondary to the emotional porn, softness, and humor. Geralt is Yen and Jaskier's toy for the evening.

Geralt was starting to believe tonight might be the night that he would be fucked to death. Jaskier would immortalize it in an over-the-top ballad and Yen’s elegy would probably be understated, but Geralt wouldn’t care because he’d never felt this agonizingly good for this long; it didn’t even matter if he never came, as long as Yen and Jaskier got what they wanted from him.

Geralt lay flat on his back, his hand cinched on Yen’s hip where she was riding his cock, and he was drowning in the steady burn of pleasure. Jaskier sprawled beside them, languid as a cat, his eyes drifting from Yen to Geralt with an expression that was more thoughtful and assessing rather than aroused, despite the flush in his cheeks.

Geralt hazily suspected Yen must have enchanted the sheets to wick the sweat away, for all the time he’d spent on his back while she and Jaskier took their turns to play with him.

Yen leaned forward and braced a hand on Geralt’s chest, but slipped from the sheen of sweat. She sat back up, her hips moving in an easy rhythm. Geralt followed her right to the edge of orgasm and no further; gone were the evenings where Yen and Jaskier took turns competitively getting him off to see how many times he came in a single night. They’d discovered after a dozen orgasms that Geralt could still get hard but not stay awake. Consciousness, it turned out, was no longer a requirement to orgasm and get hard again—much to Yen and Jaskier’s delight—and Geralt’s tired bemusement.

Their current obsession was seeing how long Geralt could hold on without coming, without losing his erection entirely. Without falling asleep. Without Yen or Jaskier getting bored of a witcher’s stamina.

It had tested Geralt’s own patience and mettle, forcing him to exert more control and mindfulness of his body in service of the game they played. There were variations on the style of gameplay—which were entirely dependent on Yen and Jaskier’s moods—and a rubric that Yen and Jaskier had bickered over when constructing their elaborate point system.

There was one fundamental rule: whoever was touching Geralt and caused him to climax would be the loser. There was an addendum that if Geralt came untouched, the game ended in a stalemate. Jaskier had been loud and insistent on adding that rule to their game when Jaskier had once pulled out of Geralt’s ass to give him a moment to breathe, and crawled into Yen’s lap, kissing her collarbone so sweetly. Geralt had been running so hot for so long and the mere sight of them together made his heart swell and his cock began to empty before he could look away.

Tonight had been a long night already. Jaskier and Yen had already come several times and Geralt floated so close to the edge of his orgasm.

continued on ao3

[bambirex]

It's A Game We Play: Chapter 4

Pairings: Geraskier, Yennskier, Radskier

Characters: Jaskier, Geralt of Rivia, Yennefer of Vengerberg, Radovid, original female characters, Essi Daven, Priscilla, Ciri of Cintra, Valdo Marx

Additional tags: inspired by Mamma Mia! (movies,), crack, alpha/beta/omega dynamics, omega jaskier, alpha geralt, alpha yennefer, beta radovid, awkwardness, jaskier is a good parent, protective jaskier, weddings, found family, post mpreg, fluff and humor, alternate universe- modern setting, jaskier is having the worst time of his life, valdo is here to make everything worse, confusion, banter

Rating: teen and up audiences

Full word count: 10,713 words

Chapter word count: 3,324 words

Chapters: 4/?

Summary: Jaskier's daughter is about to marry the love of her life, and she decides she wants both her parents at her wedding. Only problem is that Jaskier has slept with a little too many people in his youth, so the identity of the other parent is a mystery. That does not stop the bride-to-be from inviting three potential daddy candidates and unleashing absolute chaos in the process.

*

Otherwise known as Jaskier's terrible horrible no good past decisions leading to terrible horrible no good outcomes. Also known as the Mamma Mia! AU nobody asked for, but I wrote it anyway.

Chapter summary: Running into familiar, unwanted faces and meeting weirdly eager strangers.

Author's notes: Chapter title speaks for itself, since this question will pop up during this chapter many times. I liked the suggestions in my comment section about Geralt, Yennefer and Radovid knowing each other so much, that I decided to work that in, thanks for the idea!!!! I am also bringing you all a beloved beloathed character, and Amaryllis's big meeting with the "daddies" as well.

Read on Ao3

*

If someone told Yennefer just a week prior that she would literally drop everything and get herself an emergency sabbatical from the bistro, and she would force herself through a nearly four hours long ferry ride, all because she received a mysterious letter from someone she's slept with twenty years ago, she would've called them a fucking moron.

Yet, there she was, staring at the waves licking the side of the ferry as they made their way over the sea. Yennefer put her elbows on the railing with a deep sigh. She closed her eyes as she breathed in the salty air. Twenty years ago, she was traveling across the sea just like she was doing it now, full of youthful energy and hope. She had none of that now. She was just anxious as all hell, because seriously, what could Jaskier possibly want from her? How was she even supposed to react when she saw him standing on the docks, waiting for her? How was she supposed to greet him, what should she ask? How was she supposed to cope with the fact that she had to face someone like that from her past?

"Yennefer?"

As Yennefer turned around fast, the wind blew all of her hair into her face. She cursed and sputtered as she tried her best to remove it from her mouth and eyes.

When she finally came face to face with the person who called out for her, Yennefer suddenly felt the urge to throw herself off the ferry and into the water.

“Geralt,” she hissed, her eyes widening, “what the fuck are you doing here?”

Geralt cleared his throat awkwardly, a habit that he seemed to never have abandoned since Yennefer last saw him. Her and Geralt had dated about ten years ago, and for a while, Yennefer was convinced that maybe he could be the one. She was wrong, like she always was, about every person she dated. Geralt wasn’t a bad person, not by any means, and Yennefer did love him. But maybe two Alphas were just never meant to work out; their too similar personalities soon led to constant fighting, which lead to a not very nice breakup, during which Yennefer told Geralt he was a ball-less coward who really needed to get off his high horse, and Geralt called Yennefer a control freak with anger issues.

And now, to make this already weird and frustrating situation ever worse, here he was, staring at Yennefer with that constipated look on his face.

“It’s nice to see you too, Yen,” Geralt grumbled, arms crossed over his chest. Yennefer scoffed.

“Don’t call me that.”

“I was hoping we could have a civil conversation, but clearly, I was wrong. I just wanted to say hello.”

“Okay, you did. Goodbye.”

“Yennefer,” Geralt sighed, “let’s not be childish, okay?”

Yennefer gripped the railing again to stop herself from committing a crime that would’ve earned her a life sentence.

“Oh, yeah, says the man who’s allergic to commitment, and drops everyone like a hot potato the second things turn serious!”

“Yeah, because you handled everything so maturely,” Geralt growled, “you were only looking for flaws in everything, of course you found them!”

“Did you come here to antagonize me?” Yennefer spat. “You should have just ignored me.”

Geralt deflated at that, somewhat. There was a small, barely-there smile at the corner of his lips. Yennefer hated to admit, but it was still stupidly attractive.

“You’re right, I’m sorry,” Geralt said, his voice much softer. “I didn’t expect to see you here.”

“Same. So, what are you doing here, Geralt?”

Before Geralt could answer, a teenage girl rushed over to them, knocking into Geralt so hard it looked painful. Her ashen blonde hair was mussed from the wind, and her grin was mischievous.

“Dad,” she called out with a giggle, and Yennefer’s eyebrows shot up to her hairline. Dad!?

“I’m gonna drive a Bentley!”

“What?” Geralt turned to her with utter confusion. Yennefer was pretty sure she was going to pass out and into the sea.

“I never said that you could drive it!” Came a voice from behind the cackling girl. “I just said that you could see it if we reached land!”

A tall man with long, reddish-blond hair approached them with a huff. He looked utterly miserable, which might have had something to do with the seagull shit that covered the shoulder of his clearly expensive silk shirt. He looked familiar. Yennefer narrowed her eyes as she stared at him, trying to figure out where she knew him from.

Geralt blinked at the man with a similarly confused expression. “I’m sorry, do you know my daughter that you’re offering her a car show, or should I call the police?”

“Did you just accuse me of… rude!” The man huffed. “She walked up to me and asked me if the Bentley was mine! I wasn’t gonna send her away!”

“It’s a nice car,” the girl chirped, seemingly uncaring of the adults’ impending brawl. “Can I get a driving license, Dad? I’ve driven your car before, I’d do good!”

“I’m sorry,” Yennefer interrupted them, “Geralt? She’s you daughter?”

Geralt gave her a wounded look. “Yennefer… she’s Ciri. My daughter.”

Yennefer opened her mouth then quickly shut it again before she said something that wasn’t meant to be heard by a child. Geralt used to insist he could never have a family of his own. That he would be a shit dad, and children were too much hassle. He clearly found Yennefer’s desire for kids weird and unnecessary. And here he was, with a kid- a kid that was clearly a teenager. Holy shit, he had a kid while he dated her, he must have had a partner he cheated on with Yennefer, then. He made her into a homewrecker. Yennefer was going to kill someone today.

Ciri nodded towards her with a grin. “Nice to meet you! I like your dress!”

“Thanks…”

“Wait,” the blond guy turned towards Yennefer, “I know you!”

Oh, no. Now that Yennefer took one more look at him, it became obvious where she met him. It was the evening she officially ruined her career as a chef, and she was pretty much exiled to cook at a cheap bistro. She had to cater at some expensive business party, and she was so nervous around all the stuck-up suits, that she messed up the meal, big time. And that guy was there, his stubble was a little thinner and his eyes were a lot less stern back then, but Yennefer recognized him. He was the first to spit out her stew, which then drew attention to the mistake she’s made.

“You put sugar in the stew instead of salt,” the guy said, “it tasted like cake smothered in grease.”

“It wasn’t as bad as you all claimed!” Yennefer snapped. “But your spoiled ass had to make such a frenzy about it! You’re the reason I’m still cooking at a shithole bistro!”

“Oh, thank the stars, that’s better for everyone.”

“Wait,” Geralt said, cutting off the mighty string of curses Yennefer was about to throw. “I know you, too. You have that company. And a tarantula.”

“Huh?” The man turned to Geralt. His eyes widened. “Oh, wait, I remember you too! We met at the vet. Your foal tried to eat my shirt and it also jumped out of your hands and started wreaking havoc in the waiting room!”

“And you were so convinced that your tarantula was more important than my sick horse that you ran in before me! It probably wasn’t even sick, you just didn’t know how to take care of an animal properly.”

“You leave Franz Joseph out of this!” The man yelled, pointing a finger at Geralt’s chest. “He was very sick!”

“Who’s Franz Joseph?” Ciri whispered to Yennefer. Yennefer shook her head, which was quickly growing dizzy.

“Okay, alright,” Geralt sighed deeply. “Your pet has nothing to do with your own arrogance. How’s, uh, Franz Joseph, by the way?”

“He’s dead.”

“Shit. Sorry about that.”

“Alright, will anyone tell me what the fuck is going on?” Yennefer huffed. “Geralt, have you had a kid all along? While you were dating me? Was that why you said you could never have one with me?”

“Maybe not in front of Ciri,” Geralt tried. Ciri narrowed her eyes at him.

“You two dated?”

Geralt released a long-suffering, deep sigh. “Yeah. Some time ago. Yennefer, I adopted Ciri four years ago. She is my daughter, but we haven’t met while we were together. Okay?”

“Okay, and why are you headed to Thanedd?”

“Why are you?”

“I… I got a letter from someone, it’s an emergency, or whatever, I had to drop everything at home, I’m really fed up already, and you are not helping!”

“What,” Geralt’s voice wavered slightly, “a letter? You too?”

“A hand-written letter?” The other guy chimed in, his face turning pale. “From someone on Thanedd? About… a life and death situation?”

“Yes?”

“Who wrote to you,” Geralt asked, his eyes widening with panic, which made Yennefer’s nerves even worse. Yennefer grabbed the railing again, this time to not faint.

“An old love… I mean, someone I knew. Is this an interrogation?”

“You started it,” rich guy reminded her. “And this someone, who sent you a letter… he’s not called Jaskier, by chance?”

“How do you know him,” Geralt growled dangerously as he turned towards the other man. They were about the same height, but he still seemed to tower over him. Yennefer could feel the angry Alpha pheromones oozing off him. It made her feel even more snappish, not to mention that possessive flare upon hearing someone else knowing Jaskier. Her Jaskier.

“Control yourself,” the man warned him, “your child is standing right there next to you.”

“Don’t bring me into this!” Ciri huffed, crossing her arms over her chest in a way that was so similar to Geralt’s. “I have zero idea what’s going on, I’m just enjoying the free show.”

“Why would Jaskier write to you,” Geralt continued, lowering his voice slightly. “Who are you to him…?”

“Radovid,” the guy helped him out with a sigh. His eyes narrowed to slits. “And how do you know him?”

“He wrote to all of us!?” Yennefer asked in horror. “What… why the fuck would he do that?”

They all stared at each other. Geralt chewed on his lip, his brows furrowed in distress. Radovid stared at his feet, stiff like a statue. Ciri looked from one to the other, both confused and clearly entertained by the mess she ended up in the middle of.

Yennefer turned back towards the sea and groaned. It wasn’t enough that she had to worry about what Jaskier needed of her after all this time, now she had to face the fact that her ex, and a random guy was also here, and they all got the same letter, apparently.

She really should have thrown that letter away.

--

Probably everyone thought Amaryllis was insane, what with the way she was pacing up and down on the docks, muttering to herself to calm her nerves. She couldn’t possibly know if her plan worked at all. There was a chance their address changed, and none of them received her letter, or if they did, they could have just ignored it. After all, twenty years have passed since then, what were the odds they would leave their homes so abruptly to come see Jaskier?

Amaryllis could only hope that her Papa left a mark on them deep enough that they would want to find out what he (well, Amaryllis) wanted. She knew her father was a remarkable and loveable guy, but she didn’t know how the other three were. She could only go off on the descriptions in the diary, hence why she was nervous if she would recognize them at all.

By the time the ferry arrived, Amaryllis was a hair’s breadth away from passing out. She watched the cars roll down, then the people walk off, her heart beating at an abnormal speed all the while. What was the chance she would get a heart attack right now? She pressed her fingers against her neck to feel her pulse. Oh, God, she was going to explode from anxiety.

Amaryllis craned her neck to see over the crowd that milled around the docks, trying to find faces similar to the descriptions. She really did hope no one went through a drastic style change that made them look entirely different.

The crowd cleared a little, and Amaryllis noticed a shiny white car- a Bentley.

He is literally blonde Prince Charming, not on a white horse, but in a white Bentley.

Amaryllis’s breath hitched in her throat as she approached the car slowly, her palms growing clammy with sweat. What were the chances the car was the same, that it was Radovid’s?

Once she reached the car, she was greeted with a girl somewhat younger than her, who grinned at her brightly.

“Nice car, isn’t it?” She asked proudly. “It’s mine!”

“No, it isn’t… whatever. Let the kids have fun.”

Amaryllis turned towards the voice. She gasped at the sight of a tall, lean man, with blond hair, dressed in expensive clothes there were only somewhat dulled by the smear that suspiciously looked like bird poop. It had to be him.

“Radovid,” Amaryllis breathed out. The man’s eyes widened comically.

“Do we know each other?”

“It’s you…”

“I’m sorry, how do you…?”

Amaryllis wobbled on her feet when a broad, white-haired man stood next to the teenage girl who declared Radovid’s car her own.

“Geralt…?”

“What? How do you know my name?”

“Okay, I genuinely don’t know what’s going on, but…”

Amaryllis turned towards the female voice, and yes, indeed, there was Yennefer. She couldn’t believe her luck.

“Yennefer,” she whispered, causing the woman to stare at her like she just massacred her entire family.

“Do you know my name too?” The young girl laughed. Amaryllis sent her an apologetic smile.

“Alright, this is strange,” Geralt noted, “how do you know us?”

“I… huh. Lord. This is weird, I know. Bear with me, okay?” Amaryllis bit her lip, trying to hold back an excited squeal. “My name is Amaryllis Pankratz.”

“Pankratz!?” They all yelled in unison. Amaryllis grinned. They remembered her Papa.

“Yes. I’m Jaskier’s daughter.”

She had never seen faces turn so white all at once. Geralt practically wasn’t even breathing. Radovid closed his eyes. Yennefer’s jaw literally dropped. The teenage girl grinned in delight.

“Jaskier has a daughter,” Yennefer whispered. She looked Amaryllis up and down, recognition lighting up in her eyes. “Shit. You look just like him. I should have known.”

“Yeah, do you know how many times I got the ‘oh, did Jaskier went back in time and turned into a girl’ joke?” Amaryllis chuckled. She swallowed in embarrassment when no one laughed. “Erm…so, yeah, Jaskier is my father. And I know you guys all know him, and I know you don’t know me, but… ugh, this is difficult! We gotta get to know each other a little better before my wedding.”

“Before the what?” Geralt asked. Amaryllis chuckled nervously.

“Yeah, so I’m getting married and I kinda need one of you to be at the wedding, but first I need to figure out which one of you should be there, because I think one of you is… shit!”

Amaryllis turned pale when she spotted Jaskier in the distance. He was luckily not facing them as he was walking towards the market, but she couldn’t risk him seeing his old lovers there before Amaryllis had a chance to talk to them.

“Trust me,” she practically begged the bewildered group, “and follow me, okay?”

Before any of them could protest, Amaryllis practically shoved them all towards the cars, away from Jaskier. The teenage girl went with them, and while Amaryllis wasn’t sure who she was, she kind of liked her already.

They would all have plenty of time to get to know each other, if everything went well.

--

Jaskier was contemplating which watermelon to pick when he felt a hand brush his side gently. He jumped, dropping both melons on the ground. They smashed on the asphalt, coating his new shoes in juice.

“Thanks for this,” Jaskier groaned as he stared at the mess on the ground, “I will not be paying for these, but you will!”

He looked up to see who touched him. The breath caught in his throat, and his head started swimming right away. He wobbled on his feet for a second, before he let out a mighty “what the fuck are you doing here, you ghoul!?”

“Oh, Jaskier,” came the snarky laugh in response, “you did not change one bit.”

What terrible sin Jaskier must have committed against the gods that they brought Valdo Marx, the bane of his existence, his formal rival, his archnemesis, the curse of his life, to the peaceful little island he lived on!?

“What are you doing here,” Jaskier huffed, hands on his hips, “I thought you were in jail for being a sex offender or something.”

“You wish,” Valdo grinned. He raked his eyes over Jaskier with an appreciative hum. “Look at you. You look lovely, still. Gained some weight, but that’s par for the course after having a child, isn’t it?”

“It takes me approximately one second to grab one more melon and bash your head in with it,” Jaskier warned him. Valdo laughed heartily.

“Oh, come on, now, Jaskier, don’t be so hostile! It looks good on you. You look gorgeous, was what I was trying to say, and yet, here you are, threatening me with assault.”

“Stop with the fake compliments,” Jaskier spat, “what the hell are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be playing shit music with your band of disgraced theater kids?”

“Another thing that didn’t change: your deaf ears. We’re playing plenty, don’t worry. That’s actually why I’m here.”

“What?”

“Oh, haven’t you heard?” Valdo grinned mischievously. “A certain Mrs. Cooper is best friends with our manager. And he offered her a lovely band, ours, to play at her daughter’s wedding.”

“No,” was all Jaskier was able to say when he realized Valdo was talking about the mother of Amaryllis’s fiancée. Valdo laughed again, enjoying the horrified look on Jaskier’s face.

“Congratulations! I’ve heard Sara is marrying your daughter! Can’t wait to meet the lovely brides.”

“You. Are. Not. Playing. At. My. Daughter’s. Wedding!” Jaskier growled, emphasizing every single word. Valdo tutted at him condescendingly.

“Oh, don’t be like that! It’s going to be lovely! You can give your daughter away to the sound of my beautiful singing, doesn’t that sound good? You’ll get to watch me bask in the glory while you cry in the background. Just like old times.”

Jaskier let out a scream as he grabbed another watermelon off the stand. Valdo ducked away just in time before his head collided with the large fruit.

“See you around, Jaskier,” Valdo chuckled. The bastard had the audacity to grab his hand and kiss his knuckles, making Jaskier let out a sound that he didn’t realize he was able to make. He rushed away before Jaskier could attempt to murder him one more time.

“You’re gonna pay for all the melons you smashed, I hope you know that!” The clerk yelled at him. Jaskier nodded with a sigh of defeat.

His hands shook as he fished his money out of his wallet. This couldn’t be real. He must have been experiencing a terrible nightmare, and he would wake up soon.

He would have to come up with a plan to make sure Valdo wouldn’t get to make a mess at Amaryllis’s wedding. Jaskier won’t let that happen, that was for sure.

At least things couldn’t get worse in the meantime, he reassured himself as he walked home.

[kueble]

hello kate, my favorite mermay writer! may i request mer jaskier who has (nonsexually) sensitive fins and likes to have them pet, by eskel maybe? thank you!! (it's peter btw)

Thanks for the prompt, Peter! I hope this is what you had in mind. Written as part of the @thepassifloradiscord MerMay event.

Gen. Warnings: none. 1,300 words.

Eskel & Jaskier (background Geraskier)

---

Eskel side-eyes the bard, trying to figure out what might be wrong with him. They’ve been traveling together a couple of weeks now, because Geralt had insisted someone accompany him on the way to a bardic festival in Cidaris, but Geralt himself was called away on a favor he owed to Triss. He left explicit instructions on how to handle Jaskier while he was away, but Eskel isn’t sure if this is a too little food, too much silence, or too much walking situation.

Fuck it. He isn’t good at subterfuge, anyway.

“You seem off,” he says, his words causing Jaskier to stumble over his own feet. He reaches out and stops him from falling over, and to his surprise Jaskier sighs and leans into his hold. This is definitely not something Geralt covered.

“Sorry Eskel,” Jaskier says, straightening up and taking a step back. “Got lost in my head. Won’t happen again. Shall we?” he asks, gesturing at the road in front of them. His smile doesn’t reach his eyes, though, and Eskel won’t have Geralt thinking he neglected his bard.

“Seriously,” he says softly, doing his best to make his face look gentle. It’s not hard, because he isn’t just doing this for shits and giggles. He cares about Jaskier. They all do at this point. All the wolves have adopted him as one of their one, ever since that first winter Geralt brought him home to stay. “What is bothering you?”

“It’s stupid.”

“Not what I asked,” Eskel presses, and Jaskier lifts his head to meet his gaze.

“You’re all so fucking stubborn,” he says, chuckling lightly. “Fine. It’s been so long since I’ve seen Geralt and I’m…missing the comfort of his touch. Nothing sexual, mind you, just used to being held and touched a lot more than I have been.”

“Is this a bard thing?” Eskel asks, brow wrinkling as he tries to connect the dots. Images of puppy piles of bards float through his mind, but Jaskier just snorts and shakes his head.

“It’s a mer thing. We’re a very cuddly people,” he answers with a small smile. It’s not much, but he looks better than he did a minute ago, and Eskel can work with that.

“There was a lake not far back, maybe half an hour. We can backtrack and take a break there. You can shift and stretch out, and I’ll do whatever you need me to,” he says, and Jaskier lights up at his words.

“I don’t want to be a bother,” he offers, but Eskel waves him off.

“Taking care of my brothers is never a bother,” he admits, grinning wide when Jaskier picks up on his choice of words. Because yes, Jaskier is first and foremost Geralt’s bard, but he’s a part of their little pack now, too. The walk to the lake is uneventful, but as soon as they get there Jaskier tosses down his pack and starts stripping, nearly tripping over himself to get into the lake. Eskel snorts, choking down laughter as he watches him run bare-assed into the chilly water. It reminds him of when he was younger, before life on the path, when they were all just rowdy boys playing games.

He is slower to undress, but it’s mostly because he always gets so distracted by Jaskier when he shifts. It’s nothing like the cruel looking transformation of a werewolf - which is something he’d never like to witness again, thank you very much - but one moment Jaskier has legs and then the next they’re replaced with a swirl of water and a bunch of flashy fins.

Eskel had never met a merman before Jaskier, but he’d fought plenty of sirens. He half expected Jaskier to look feral when he changed, but his upper half hardly differed at all. No wings or claws, not even fangs popped out. Besides the gills on the sides of his neck, he still looked human from the waist up. His fins were extraordinary, though. He had one long tail, but there were smaller fan-type fins coming off of it, and when he swam they billowed around him. His scales were deep blue and burgundy, and he looked positively otherworldly.

Jaskier says he looks most like a beta fish, but Eskel has never seen one in the wild. Apparently they’re a fighting fish and very territorial, which suits Jaskier well. Eskel has witnessed him take on an entire bar in a brawl while defending his lover. Of course, he and Geralt had to finish up the job, but Jaskier was feisty enough to start it. They’d been run out of town that night and spent the evening telling stories and sharing stolen wine while the campfire blazed. It was great for bonding, if not the reputation of witchers.

“Are you coming?” Jaskier asks, swimming closer to the shore and breaking Eskel’s train of thought.

“Excuse me if I feel a bit weird stripping down for my brother’s lover,” Eskel says with a laugh. Jaskier ducks under the water and comes up, spitting a face-full of water at him before giggling gleefully.

“It’s no different than letting me wash your hair in the hot springs!” he points out. “Besides, I’m naked, too! Just because my prick isn’t out, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist,” he adds with another giggle.

“We can have an autonomy lesson later. Let’s just get you settled,” Eskel tells him before wading into the water. Jaskier tackles him as soon as he’s deep enough, pulling him into a tight hug and slamming him down onto the sandy bottom of the lake. It’s not deep enough for him to go under, so he ends up sitting in the sand with a very fidgety merman in his lap.

“Just…pet me if you don’t mind?” Jaskier asks softly, and Eskel doesn’t even think to question it. There’s nothing sexual about this, and Jaskier clearly feels afraid to ask for it, even though he needs it.

“Can’t have Geralt accusing me of taking poor care of you, can I?” Eskel asks with a shrug. Jaskier smiles warmly and curls up into his chest, closing his eyes while Eskel tries to figure out how to pet a fully grown man…merman. Whatever.

He ends up treating Jaskier like he would Scorpion, just slowly running a palm down his tail. Jaskier sighs contentedly and doesn’t complain, so Eskel keeps going. It’s actually pretty calming, just sitting in the lake and petting him. The bright scales feel smooth under his hands, and it’s nice to be offering comfort instead of pain with them. Most of his work is tied up with fighting and hurting others, and this is so much the opposite that he can see why Geralt might love it, too.

He doesn’t know how long they sit there, just curled up together while he strokes Jaskier’s tail, but it’s the most relaxed he’s been in ages. Eventually Jaskier lifts his head and offers him a sleepy smile. He squeezes Eskel in one last hug before sliding out of his lap and beaming at him.

“Thank you. I feel so much better now,” he admits, and Eskel grins back at him.

“Good, because I’ve got sand in my ass crack, so it better have been for something,” Eskel quips, and Jaskier laughs so hard he falls back into the water. With a flick of his fins, he sends a wave of water at Eskel, catching him off guard.

And then it’s on.

Jaskier skirts off into the deeper water, but Eskel isn’t far behind. They chase each other across the lake, splashing and wrestling as they go. Eskel is careful not to use his full strength, but the roughhousing has him in a better mood than he has been in days. They spend the rest of the afternoon playing around, and as they set up camp for the night, Eskel thinks Jaskier might just see them as family, too.

---

SFW tags:  @halerune @honeysuckletook @mayastormborn @dani-dandelino @feraljaskier @jaskierswolf @littoraly-art @tothedesert @dapandapod @theweirdlynx @tedrakitty @sharinalein @theamazingdevilgivesmehope @iamaqt314 @silvermintnightprincess @rockysstupidity @live-long-and-trek-on @hayleynzlive @holymotherwolf @thesynysterunknown @rebard-main @larawrmonster @gryffinqueen-blog @lovelyscot @fangirleaconmigo @mothmanismyuncle @fontegagrilledcheese @thestarkwinter @geraltrogerericduhautebellegarde @allthequeenshorses13 @221birl1823 @strippiluolamies @concussed-dragon @aurelia-which-means-sunrise @clarebear66 @feral-jaskier @j-u-s-tmyself​ @hayleynzlive @thisislisa

If you'd like to be added/removed, please let me know. Thank you!

[touchmycoat]

the Witcher fic recs (Nov 2022)

look I've seen at most 4 and a half episodes of the Netflix series, read two chapters of the first book, and seen three stills from the games. This is very much a fandom-first engagement for me. That being said I was talking to roommate about how much we love and miss fic rec lists, hence.

The Road Not Taken by sospes

Summary: Jaskier comes across an injured witcher in a backwoods town, months after the events of the dragon hunt. It all just sort of escalates from there.

Read this all in one breath; Eskel & Jaskier friendship, Lambert/Jaskier one-night-stand, Geralt's emotional constipation refuses to be relieved until close to the end. Love the Jaskier characterization where he's hurt but practical but vulnerable but capable. So well done, and I would rec the author's other fics too: the tattoo fic, the Jaskier gangbang series, this noncon fic, the wolf!Jaskier fic, etc.

lessons in mouse-catching by foghornjazz

Summary: They say cats have nine lives, but truthfully Jaskier has long lost count of his. Jaskier has always been very good at playing pretend. It gets harder after Geralt’s harsh words on the mountain. It gets harder still when he has to save a rogue Wolf and his Child Surprise from Nilfgaard’s gathering forces.

Dear god, immortal!cat witcher!Jaskier with all the delicious torture whump that this set-up necessitates. Very much a plot fic, super fucking well-written and haunting and kept me on my toes 'til the end—the reveal with the lake really took me out at the knees and had me weeping. Aiden!! Thematic!! Character arcs!! Cannot rec this series enough. Author also has a wonderful EMT!Geralt disaster!Jaskier fic and a delightful football!AU.

Too Much by kalamatri

Summary: Jaskier has always known he loves in a way that is too much. He gives too much of himself, and wants too much in return. Post mountain break-up, Jaskier starts to doubt his value, attempts to drink Novigrad dry and makes the biggest mistake of his life: getting back with his abusive shit of an ex, Valdo Marx.

Buddy, oh fucking boy. You wanna talk about the abusive relationships tag. You wanna talk about a well-paced and devastating descent into emotional, physical, financial, and sexual abuse and then the well-paced and devastating ascent back out. You wanna talk about a fic that blew my fucking mind. I love Lambert in this and how specific his dynamic is with Jaskier. Jaskier gets absolutely fucked up but makes his way back to life, he fucking survives. This fic is so goddamn good.

Emissary by Janekfan

Summary: The way north is being cleared for Geralt and Ciri. Geralt has to reconcile with some new truths about Jaskier.

viper witcher!Jaskier, in which even Geralt buys into age-old prejudice at first. The physical manifestation of the emotional angst is blistering, and I love that getting to Kaer Morhen wasn't the fix-all.

Soap, and the Scents of Home by round_robin

Summary: “Come to Kaer Morhen with me,” Geralt mumbled against Jaskier's neck. “Next winter, come with me.” He sat up, hoping Jaskier might see the earnest request in his eyes.

PORN REC. This whole series is just, chef's kiss. Fics where Jaskier develops relations with every witcher is my bread and butter, especially where touch-starved witchers are involved. Special shout out to the way this fic made me so hot under the collar with Geralt just openly banging Jaskier in the hot springs under the guise of "there's no privacy anyway," pretty much daring Eskel and Lambert to take some for themselves, hello.

Kill Me Softly by safiraneo

Summary: Jaskier isn't exactly happy to dig himself out of his own grave. In fact, he'd very much like to go back in it. Unfortunately, Destiny has other plans.

Dark humor with dead!Jaskier. Eskel takes him back to Kaer Morhen to figure out how to kill him permanently. I grinned and groaned at Geralt the entire way through.

for the rest of my lifelong days by twitcher

Summary: "Goddess," Jaskier says quietly, almost privately, except that his lips hover temptingly close to Eskel's. "You do look just like him, if it wasn't for—" "The disfigured maw?" Eskel adds helpfully, out of habit if nothing else. Jaskier puts a gentle hand on his cheek—the scarred one, gods save his soul—and Eskel leans into the touch involuntarily, like a dog starved for affection. "I was going to say the hair," Jaskier finishes with a hint of kind amusement, and winks.

Short-ish threesome fic that goes through all the emotional beats I want~ I've read a lot of fics that overdo the terms of endearment but this one works for me, I'm very very endeared, and I like the Eskel focus.

a soldier (who carries a mighty sword) by ghostinthelibrary

Summary: Fifteen years after Kaer Morhen became an independent city state and refuge for non-humans, Geralt— who somehow got elected its leader, despite his best intentions— is bewildered when King Vizimir of Redania suggests an arranged marriage between Geralt and his nephew. Eskel is a simple witcher who just wants to live out his retirement from the Path with Geralt. So when his lover gets betrothed to some Redanian viscount, Eskel dons a human disguise and decides to get away from Kaer Morhen for a while. Jaskier has no interest in becoming the husband of the infamous White Wolf; he just wants to be a bard. When he flees the guards escorting him to Kaer Morhen, he’s lucky enough to run into Eskel, a hunter who agrees to escort him to safety. But after only a few days in Eskel’s company, he’s half in love. When Jaskier is forced to go to Kaer Morhen to escape a bounty on his head, he finds the city nothing like the nest of monsters he expected. Meanwhile, Jaskier is nothing like what Geralt and Eskel expected.

Who doesn't love identity hijinks? The set-up is delicious; I'm obsessed with the "oh this man who saved me who is my hero at no benefit to himself is actually the lover of the lord I'm meant to marry, ah, he just wanted me out of the way" reveal that's not actually true but also not not-true enough. The whole series is very well-done!

A history of dragons in popular culture by deputychairman Innermost Depths by bomberqueen17

These two get recced together because they take on the same concept: where Yennefer & Jaskier become drinking buddies after the dragon hunt breakup bitch about Geralt and accidentally on purpose sleep together and instead of playing Despacito he writes a song for her not to make Geralt jealous you understand!

Yennefer/Jaskier makes me feel all sorts of things and these have such good dynamics.

The Path Ahead by EvanHart

Summary: Geralt knows almost immediately that he’s made a mistake when he sends Jaskier away on that godforsaken mountain. He just doesn’t wholly understand why, and by the time he does it’s too late to change things. Instead, he goes and finds Ciri, and together they find Yennefer, and only then does he realise he needs to find Jaskier, too. He hadn’t counted on Nilfgaard finding him first.

The Nilfgaard torture fic where Geralt refuses to believe Jaskier has anything more than a childish infatuation with him (despite 20 years on the road). He hears "Her Sweet Kiss" and kind of goes through it. Yennefer portals "somewhere safe" and that's apparently into Jaskier's care. A classic & well-executed genre of Witcher fic.

A Tale of Two Bards (and also a Witcher) by ForestWren

Summary: Maglor has been wandering the shoreline for literal millennia. He hadn't heard another voice in almost as long. He is, understandably, quite disoriented when a loud human interrupts his perfectly peaceful brooding. After the disaster of the Dragon Hunt, Jaskier goes to the coast on his own. Things don't really go as planned, but who cares? Peace is overrated anyway. In which there are language barriers, found family, guilt crises, several long-overdue realizations, and, eventually, a very confused Geralt.

Silmarillion fans will get a lot more out of this fic than I did but I already enjoyed it so much. The linguistics exploration was super fun and this was the fic that got me listening to The Amazing Devil. Very much a songfic in essence, executed with full character arcs for Jaskier, Geralt, and Maglor.

out in the pouring rain (down on your knees) by SummerFrost

Summary: "Hello, Julian," Yennefer says coolly. "Listen carefully. We are only having this conversation because it’d make Geralt happy and I'm the best wife in the fucking world. You and I should have sex." Jaskier says, "I'm going to need you to elaborate." Or: Geralt's biggest fantasy is to watch someone else fuck his wife. What kind of best friend would Jaskier be if he didn't lend a hand?

I know I already recced this but it's SO. FUCKING. GOOD. HI THANK YOU.

Last but not least, shout out to the Geralt Is Sorry collection that I'm still making my way through. Doing the lord's work.

[comfyswitcherblanketfort]

my headcannon is okay, surprise surprise about gwent, i think jaskier is the only person that geralt to date has never ever beaten in gwent. all of his friends, all of his former lovers, any contestant in a gwent contest, barkeeps, merchants, all of his brothers and vesimir. everyone loses to geralt at gwent at least once except for this sparkly twink with a lute and a drinking problem. and for a long time that's really aggravating for him and he can't understand it but like. one day he just looks at jaskier like,,, you are smart in ways i don't understand and i love you for that. and then they hold hands. yeah. that one keeps me up at night

ok but i get the love of gwent now that I've played it more on the actual game. it slaps fam.

literally this was the face i made when I read this. i fucking love it. and its such a geralt thing to like actually fall for someones brain instead of their dick. like dude can GET dick but someone who loves him AND is smart as hell?! that's so sexy. and probably a bit scary and I think we have seen plenty of times how geralt does love a scary smart lover.

[thewickedkat]

i have been tagged

@vcaudley tagged me and i am just now getting round to this, apologies!

A scent you love: - sandalwood. i could be in the saltiest, shittiest, most tin-foil-chewing mood and upon smelling this, i would relax from grievous homicide to involuntary manslaughter. which is a very tortured metaphor but it's a weird day for me. suffice to say i love sandalwood.

What's something you're looking forward to this week? - i would dearly love to write this weekend. been wanting to actually get something actualised before the weather starts thinking of hoodies and pumpkin spice lattes. also i need to go to the library because i need new music; mine's getting rather stale.

What's a book you're currently reading? - i am so very sorry to say that i have not read an actual book in *mumblemumble* amount of time. a few years back i had sort of run dry on books that i was enjoying, and my tastes changed; i dove into fanfic and haven't really looked back since. it is still scratching that itch that i can't really describe. to be quite honest i think the last book-book i read was the latest Dresden Files instalment--and before anyone comes for me, yes, i am quite aware of Butcher's...uh. writing tells, let's call them. man's become a pastiche of himself, tell the truth.

What's a game you're currently playing? - The Outer Worlds, for, like, the fifth time. love Parvati; that woman can do no wrong in my eyes. tried doing a Board-bootlicker run a while back and then she looked at me all disappointed and my contrition knew no end. and i adore Felix wholeheartedly because that Labrador of a boy is the purest of heart and dumbest of ass and he makes me smile. ...also, i'm just killing time until next week when i can get my narsty little gremlin hands on Baldur's Gate 3.

What's the most recent movie you watched? - Nimona. if you haven't seen it, drop what you're doing and watch it immediately. now. go. why are you still sitting there? go watch it! okay, no, seriously--why aren't more films made like this? it doesn't talk down to kids or families (or anyone else for that matter), it is wholly unashamed of its emotions and finds joy in showing them (even the messier ones), the art is beautiful and vibrant and isn't half-arsed and crap CGI stitched with hand-drawn; it has a fantastic message, and when Ballister said 'I see you, Nimona,' i sat here and fucking bawled.

Are you watching anything on TV or listening to any shows? - i recently finished S3 of The Witcher on Netflix, and...well, i think i'd have to watch again to really start to pick at it and why it didn't particularly vibe for me (the nonsense with Radovid and Jaskier aside; i mean...Radovid? really? blech). i haven't read the books but i am familiar with the lore, but the writing seems to be so uncertain of itself this season, all over the place and muddled. and with production on pause (not just for TWN, obviously), i'm more than a little uncertain of Liam Hemsworth's stepping into the very big boots Cavill's leaving behind. the bar has been set pretty high; i'd say this of any actor, frankly. as for podcasts, i am sooooooo far behind on listening that i think i would have to start many over. i had been listening to Bahumia Two: Electric Boogaloo on NADDPod but that was months ago. my problem is that i have to be in the mindset to listen to pods (side effect of the ADHD), and right now the mindset is 'put on youtube vids or Japanese lo-fi and read fic in your downtime.' how long this will last is anyone's guess.

Favourite season? - autumn, by far. and i don't mean the soft Pinterest moodboard aesthetic type; i mean the frost upon the windowpane when you wake up in the morning but you don't turn the heat on yet because by noon it'll have warmed up enough kind. i mean the mixing of baking bread, strong coffee, herbal tea and the faintest whiff of cigarette smoke. the knowledge that the wind is just on the edge of turning biting and that its teeth will only grow sharper in a month; when you swap out your summer clothes for woolen blankets and soft pants; when you dig out the thicker yarns and the puzzles and rearrange your spooky house bric-a-brac to take pride of place. that kind of autumn.

What's something you've learned recently? - i have learnt factoids and things that would serve me well at pub trivia, but nothing that would serve to make an interesting infodump. not really. all the stuff i infodump about lately is fandom-adjacent and makes my husband's eyes glaze over.

Have you had any water lately? - yes! i drink water on the regular, interspersed with Baja Blast since summer is hanging on by a thread.

i'll support anyone who wants to do this but specifically tag @gadzooie @deacons-wig @totally-not-deacon @wildwildwasteland but no pressure if this isn't your bag!

[on-a-lucky-tide]

For the writer’s ask game: 🧐 and 🧠 (Guxart, because he’s underwritten and I love the old tomcat)

Do you spend much time researching your stories?

Yes. Both for things to include, but also things to leave out, which is sometimes the most important thing (because an absence from a story can damage it more than an inclusion). In Dear Heart, I researched medieval libraries and archiving (medieval period is not my expertise) before I wrote Jaskier tidying up as a way to keep him occupied, but I decided not to include it any real detail. Why? Because it didn’t add anything to the emotional arc of the story, which was Jaskier finding his feet at Kaer Morhen and Eskel finding his feet around Geralt. There was the question over whether Vesemir would allow Jaskier, a kid he’s just met (yes, even at 40), anywhere near the last shreds he had left of his school.

I reasoned that the library would have been burnt to ash during the sacking. Any books or manuscripts in that room would have been recollected and brought back by Eskel, Geralt, Lambert and Vesemir (and maybe any visitors they had). Those books belong to Eskel and Geralt as much as Vesemir and Lambert, so I think that was a way for Vesemir to welcome Jaskier in without actually saying the words. Also, a cheeky nod to the way I play Skyrim and TW3, which is the collect all the books I can get my grubby player hands on. Do we really need three copies of this specific fairytale? Yes, Geralt, now eat that raw onion and be a good lad.

Headcanon: Guxart!

Oh-ho-ho, my beloved Tom Cat. Berry, inside me there are two wolves cats.

The first is a charming, suave Guxart who charmed Vesemir’s pants right off and out the window the second time they met (the first time, they were in a jail cell and it wasn’t really the right vibe for Guxart to get his Smooth on). He’s a bit sleezy, hasn’t met a person he doesn’t want to fuck, a bit cheeky, a bit all over the place in terms of his emotions. However, he is also faultlessly hardworking beneath the surface—he managed to keep the frickin’ Dyn Marw caravan together after the tournament, so he’s clearly organised, and he cares. It would have been much easier for him to run off into the wilderness and let the school fall like Kaer Seren, etc. But he didn’t. He has this… Fagan-esque approach to training. “Got to pick a pocket or two, lads”—he teaches the boys how to steal and cheat and survive first, and be a witcher second.

The second cat—it could even be the same guy after enough time, although sometimes I want to toy with Guxart as a member of the Stygga contingent—is broken and slow. His body has been shattered by the Path and fighting too many battles for too long. He’s a functional alcoholic and has very little survival instinct. He worked himself to ruin keeping the caravan going, protecting the vulnerable and broken witchers that it picked up along the way, but enduring that much hardship would take its toll. Without the kinship and camaraderie—every cat for himself, survival at all costs—Guxart would lose his way. He wouldn’t see purpose in the endless, pointless suffering of his brothers-in-arms.

After the soldiers take down the caravan, killing Axel and Cedric (see the letter from Gaetan’s stash in TW3), Guxart would try to disappear into the wilderness. The only reason he doesn’t get torn through by the first beast he finds is because he gets arrested for brawling instead, and ends up in a jail cell, which happens to also contain a grizzled, grumpy old wolf who is taking precisely none of his crap. And there begins my next Old Witchers in Love entry.

[terresdebrume]

10 first lines

Rules: Share the first line of your ten most recent fic (or however many you wrote, if it's less han 10), game taken from @penny-anna

Organized from oldest to newest bc I can!

Available for Consultation (2021) -> Nile gasps when something soft bumps against her foot, hurriedly wiping at her cheeks as she turns towards the door.

Six Items From Clark Kent's Batman Collection (2022) -> In Clark’s defense, it starts completely innocently.

Concerning Turnips (2022) -> “You care for him a great deal,” Boromir murmurs, “don’t you?”

Screeching in the Dark (2022) -> Jaskier hears Yennefer yell his name and ducks down without question, the hair at the back of his neck prickling when something way too hot for his taste goes whistling above his head.

Things we said near a mountain (2022) -> “Oh no,” Jaskier warns, jabbing a finger under Geralt’s nose, “we are not doing this again. You don’t get to blame me for that one, Geralt!”

Forth, the Four Hunters! (And the two walkers) (2022) -> “Jaskier,” Geralt grits out.

An orc, by any other name (2022) -> “Ah!” Legolas exclaims with the kind of gusto Jaskier shows for good wine or good bed partners. “The green smell! It is better than much sleep! Let us run!”

Jazz Hands (2022) -> “You sure he’s not going to chicken out?” Crixus asks, and Nasir shushes him.

The girl who saw. (2022) -> Alec takes a long pull from his flask, the smell as foul and the taste as bitter as ever, but at least it makes the pain of his headache recede.

The White Wolf (2022) -> Five fucking days pass before they get to stop running, and by then Geralt is positively exhausted.

Tagging: @theheirofashandfire, @somedrunkpirate, @kickassfu, @talysalankil, and whoever else wants to play the game :D

[bi-aragorn]

Ten Lines Tag Game

Rule: Share the first lines of your ten most recent fics and tag ten people. If you have written less than ten, don’t be shy--share anyway

Thankssss @prongsfootandco for the tag:) the first 7 of these are Witcher fics, rest of fandoms detailed as we go

1- The music was loud in this part of the house, and the lights dark, offering plenty of anonymity.

From Fuck, come on - Jaskier/Valdo sex party

2- Jaskier hadn’t been expecting to find a parcel on the bed when he got home.

From Only The Best For My Kitten - Eskel/ Jaskier pet play

3- Jaskier was perching on the window ledge, one leg dangling out into the cold night breeze, the other splayed casually along the length of the frame.

From Orange - just a very short piece about Jaskier

4- The first time it happened was the first night of spring break.

From In Which Geralt Is An Absolute Slut (Affectionate) - what it says on the tin, really

5- It had probably grown dark outside by now- not that Geralt either knew or cared.

From Another Drink - Geralt substance abuse angst

6- From experience, Jaskier knew that it was never fun being the one to end things.

From For Geralt - Jaskier post breaking up with Geralt

7- Valdo knew exactly how long it had taken Jaskier to write his final performance piece.

From His Own Reward - Valdo is a traitorous bastard in this one

8- Klaus was sprawled out across the sofa, fidgeting with a ring on his finger, twisting it back and forth, back and forth. 

From Missed This - Umbrella Academy fic, Klaus & Ben platonic cuddling

9- Mitchell tugged a strand of hair away from his face, pulling it out to the side, and letting it go again, frowning at the way the curl bounced back into place.

From The Trouble With Mirrors - Being Human fic, just soft George & Mitchell

10- It was a balmy summer’s day, and Scott and Vicky were curled up together on the hammock on her parents' back porch. 

From Clouds & Kisses - Monster Prom fic, Scott/Vicky making out

And I'll tag @kuripon @loki-is-my-kink-awakening @kingeomer and @dapandapod and anyone else who wants to have a go