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houkusu · 2 years

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@kasouu || cont’d.

' dwelling for years '? ' gone forever '?

messy brows furrow, crease above the nose with an imperceptible twitch. the amount of information to consider has started to build ; not for lack of hawks' attempts at shoveling, either. the problems lay in where he'd been digging, only to turn and find he should've been digging somewhere else, then the same again, and again - before long, his arms had grown tired. tired like the frayed ends of charred feathers. tired like that same child sitting in front of the television, hoping for the best.

「 always an optimist. 」

gradually, lingering gaze lifts the scrutiny, returning to the same unmistakable blankness. lips set, pale hues focused, seemingly bored - flat affect be damned ( what's the point if it's always been used against him, anyways )

「...『 JUST GIVE UP ON THAT SHIT. why the fuck do you LIE so much?! 』...」

why bother telling the truth if the result is the same as lying? even so, hawks has always been a terrible liar - he'd never been able to keep a story straight, and didn't really want to try. ( by that same token, if the result is same, then why lie? ) it sounded like a lot of additional effort for no real reward ; wasn't the payoff better if he could say ' i told you so ', anyways? well, at least to some people. not everyone deserves to hear that, but some. . hawks could name a few.

" i lied to you. "

that's what this is, right? some kind of. . penance? it is an offering, that hawks can deign, though to frame it as being one solely to himself would be brazen ( even for him. ) in the short time knowing tōya, jin, others in the league ; sure, there is a united cause, one that hawks dug around for on his own time to figure out. but it was getting to know these people, or at least those who would care to know him - that truly began to frame this as more than a simple uprising with strings pulled by a ' man-child '. a few months though it may have been, those few months may very well have been the most vividly realistic connections hawks had ever made. ( tōya is not the type to waste time. )

" i lied to everyone. "

does it sound cold? ---- removed? maybe this, too, sounds like a lie. ( how does one detach from a concept never grasped ) hawks wouldn't be surprised to hear it, nor disappointed. but if tōya wanted hawks to speak - if that is how he could come to terms with it all, assumed this of hawks, then maybe - would it be so terrible? rumi knew the things tōya had aired were true. the people, too, now knew from hawks' statement, from how he'd not bothered to shirk the responsibility ; ---- and why would he? tōya had been right about hawks, about everything. in ripping out the wings by the root, he'd burned the tethers as well. that wasn't on purpose, he knows. it was a clever happenstance.

" have you ever heard of ' the cosmic joke '? "

「 for years to come, huh? 」

" it's this thought project that says, as people, we constantly chase what's right in front of us. somehow, we end up back where we started, because it's like running on a treadmill. what you want is attainable, you just have to step off the treadmill to grab it, but it's something never grasped. always wanted, and so amazingly mundane. . ---- like a dog chasing its tail. "

the truth is, hawks could likely stumble through life never knowing what tōya wanted to hear at this moment. it's not entirely a matter of understanding him personally, though that's surely part of it - it's that he's not entirely certain tōya wants to hear anything in particular at all. maybe he just wanted to see hawks and applaud himself for a job well done ; maybe he wanted to incite vitriol somehow, see what more was left to pick at. maybe he didn't want anything at all and he really did just happen to stumble upon the hero by coincidence. ( maybe he even wanted to see if there remained room for a vote of confidence. )

" i thought if i tried to be who all might was to the people, they would feel safe. never been a fan, you know. and endeavor -- hopeless. long before you, he was hopeless, but he -- i tried to set him up for success and every step of the way has been pushback. he's the strongest weapon we've got, and he's so focused on the ' personal ' part of the equation that the larger scale gets lost. "

「 does that sound familiar? 」

finally, a blink. the explanations don’t matter now. in hawks’ head, endeavor had been the only one trying to surpass all might with everything he had, and for that, he was their one true hope - understanding what he’d done was utterly unforgiveable, but if the whole world burns down, then what? erasing it all, then what’s left to be satisfied for? hawks scuffs his shoe against the pavement, the distant rumble of war not far enough for comfort. it could easily remind one of an encroaching storm, booming thunder. hawks should be there, on that battlefield. he isn't, but he would be soon, because he has to be.

『 now or never. 』

hawks wonders, vaguely, if tōya is aware of the circumstances he's in - if the irony of what he's saying is lost on him - if the villain is so busy being prepared to rush into this headlong that he doesn't even realize there is no alternative to this, in front of him. clearly, tōya is not planning to survive, to say such a thing ; ---- and isn't it pathetic? ( that a villain gave a chance hawks could never be bothered to give )

「 you're more right than you could ever know. 」

" this may be what happens, when the unattainable is obtained, yeah? it's no longer a ' joke ' at that point, though - it's just ' the end '. "

breath steadied with his stare, gaze lifts. quick as one could wash it away, there's the hint of a shift in tone ; a tension wrapped around vocal cords, squeezing, clawing. tactfully, hawks chooses not to speak until it's passed ( whispered all the same )

" jin was a good person. he wanted to help people, and he did what he could to help them, even to his own detriment. he's a good example. . of what heroes should want to be. of what i want to be. ---- but, you. . "

doesn't tōya deserve that truth, then? as the sole person who'd ever seen things hawks could never ask him to unsee, some abstract idea of ' keigo ' that remained unrelatable until that titular moment. still foreign on the tongue, but real, simultaneously. ' keigo, keigo '. endeavor won't make it without hawks. endeavor has never made it regardless of hawks. ( hawks won't make it. ) but -- in some other world, maybe in another situation, tōya would have called him that -- and the surprise would have felt a lot different. maybe it would've felt good, or like a real relief that wasn't just the release from shackles. maybe it would be the nice kind of ' knowing ' ; a safety, an allowance. ( maybe then. )

" you were my friend -- maybe the only one i've ever truly had. and--. . "

「 first and last time for everything 」

---- " . . i'm satisfied with that. "

#風切 :『 ᶤ'ˡˡ ᵐᵃᵏᵉ ᶤᵗ ʰᵃᵖᵖᵉᶰ ; ᶤ ᵖʳᵒᵐᶤˢᵉ 』- main verse.#kasouu #long post //#i could've answered a relevant ask just to fuck with you but i didn't #he tried me yall he TRIED me

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wonhoslovr-remade · 8 years

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📣🌈

📣: pt 3 is my jam

🌈:

yoongi

hoseok

jimin/tae

jin

#ask #jin is the token straight #tysm i lov uu !!#ymgi

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singsofecho · 3 years

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#jin zixuan #金子轩 #mdzs #one half of the token straights #my art stuff #yellow simp #魔道祖师 #modern fashion #i relate to him in that I also love his wife and would die for his son in a heartbeat

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wangxianficfinder · 2 years

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Fic Finder

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1. Hello I am looking for a wangxian fanfic where Wei Wuxian becomes the sect leader of Qishan Wen, He creates rings as a token for his sect and disciples. Jin Guangshan kills Jaing Fengmian and leaves a ring to try and frame Wei Wuxian for the murder. Lan Wangji, Lan Xichen, and Lan Qiren leave the Lan Sect to join Wei Wuxians sect.

FOUND? This sounds a lot like The Dreams of Youth by sami (E, 86k, wangxian, time travel, fix-it, family, not lan sect friendly, canon typical violence & gore, childhood friends to loveres, hurt/comfort, mothers who live, some people live/not everyone dies, Mojo’s bookmark) There’s definitely the rings but it’s Qishan Wei instead of Wen.

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2. I'm looking for this Burial Mounds days fic where Lan Wangji gets cursed and he needs to have s*x with the person he is in love with or he's gonna die. He refuses to tell Wei Wuxian so Lan Xichen gets a Lan doctor to knock Wangji out and take him to the Burial Mounds and basically threaten Wangji to tell Wei Wuxian the truth, kind of "you tell him or I will" type of situation. @awomanha

FOUND? This Tumblr fic by @jingyismom

FOUND? Night Breezes Seem to Whisper by cqlorphan (E, 16k, wangxian, post-canon, dom/sub undertones, sex curse, case fic, fuck or die, getting together, bottom LWJ, fluff & smut)

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3. hi!! there's a fic I'm trying to find and i would be grateful if you and your followers could help me! it was either during our water the war, but when wwx came out of the burial mounds he was different? like he truly became little more than a guard to the jiang, and didn't seem interested in much else i think? and eventually the people who cared about him realized he was kinda possessed by the burial mounds and they had to go get him back towards the end. that's all i really remember!

FOUND! between the shadow and the soul by cl410 (M, 22k, wangxian, canon divergence, angst w happy ending, family, dark WWX, feral WWX, memory loss, protective JC & JYL & LWJ, grief, BAMF WWX)

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4. I am looking for a fiction that Lan Wangi and wei wuxian are tring to have a baby and it not working and they are invited to jiang yanli's baby shower and wwx breaks down.

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5. Hi mods! I'm looking to find the fic where Wei Ying is resurrected and goes straight to Lotus Pier half out of his mind with fever. Once there he cross-dresses as a female Jiang cousin. He and Jiang Cheng end up visiting the Cloud Recesses at some point, and Lan Zhan ends up both like ??? because he's falling for someone new, and hella jealous because people think Wei Ying is engaged to Jiang Cheng (bc he's wearing Jiang Yanli's clothes/headpiece, etc). Thank you for your help ^.^ @thesavagedamsel

FOUND? By Any Other Name by ShanaStoryteller (Not Rated, 31k, Wangxian, Canon Divergence, Crossdressing, Misunderstandings, Identity Porn, Identity reveal, Polski Translation Pod każdym innym imieniem by tehanu, [PODFIC] By Any Other Name by sakizar)

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6. Hi!! I'm so thankful all the mods on this page because you all are so helpful. I was looking for this fic where modern au WangXian but Lan Wangji is a vampire and Wei Wuxian is a vampire hunter. They go to the same school divided into two sections namely the night school and the day school. I also remember that Wei Wuxian wears skirts and stuff because he feels more comfortable. So Wangji pines for him as always and they have this ball (?) or a party I guess and limited to only the vampires but Wei Ying is invited. Lan Wangji gets drunk and Wei Ying tries to take him back to his dorm but like they detour because they're horny and Lan Wangji bites his thighs and then the next day he relaizes that Wei Ying is half vampire I guess. But somehow Qiren is shitty because he hides the truth about Wangji's parents and he tries to stop Wei Ying and Lan Wangji but they run away from the cultivation world like how Baodhan Sanren and Lan Yi ran away. Because apparently same sex marriages aren't okay in their society. Also Madam Yu also whips Wei Wuxian when she gets to know he's half vampire and Fengmian was keeping Wei Ying so he could gain advantage at some point. I hope you can find this cuz I've been looking for this for ages!! Thank you. @poetic-writes

FOUND? verboten kythe by misbehavingvigilante (E, 66k, wangxian, vampire knight fusion, dub con, dysfunctional family, gnc WWX, vampires)

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7. Since you found me exactly what i was looking for I came back with two more fics and to say thanks for finding the two i requested the first time.

A) So the first fic i want to request is one where wangxian time travel and at first they think its only them but later on in the story its revealed that because of something they did lan xichen, nie huaisang and jiang cheng also come back. but near the beginning of the story lan wangji helps madam lan escape and she goes to lotus pier and turns out she knows madam yu and qinghengjun comes out of seclusion i belive cause when they go to the lectures he and madam lan reunite and then our timetravels tell them what happens and there are multiple training dummies that are destroyed by madam yu and jiang yanli

B) the second fic is where after canon ends i belive almost everyone but wangxian and a’yuan were dead but a’yuan was making his way to deaths door but wei wuxian used this array or talisman yo send them back thousands of years and a’yuan reverts to his child self and wei wuxian and lan wangji get to raise him but eventualy become immortal or already were and i dont know if a’yuan becomes immortal or not but it doesnt really mention him at all after that except a brief passing. As the years pass wei wuxian and lan wangji travel and meet a lot of people including their parents and baoshan sanren. it time skips i belive and its after the lectures(?) and the sects are invited to the burial mounds where a whole bunch of relevant but not totally relevent people are, along with wei wuxian and lan wangji as their immortal sect leaders and the sects read the books but it doesnt actually show that part and madam meng and madam jin meet and at first madam jin is standoffish but eventually get to know each other, i dont know anything after that, most like where the last update was.

Sorry for rambling and making this request daunting and sorry if there is anything that is hard to read im on my phone and the the keyboard is not writing down the letters as i type them in. thank you for your time and i wish you a good day(ᗒᗣᗕ)՞ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ @fanfic-discussions

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8. Hello Mods I need your help finding this fic where LWJ was cursed and I think the purpose of the curse is to humiliate him by giving him a boner/making him horn knee??? And WWX is a doctor or something like that here and he is tasked to help LWJ so he basically gives handjob and other things I think in the end of the fic WWX will stay in cloud recesses?? Amd there is this one part where WWX tries to finger LWJ while helping him but turns out he doesn't like it. Thanks for the help !

FOUND? trust your fingertips by plonk (Not Rated, 15k, WangXian, Aphrodisiacs, Medical Kink, Canon Era, Different First Meeting)

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9. hello lovely mods and fellow readers and writers! i have been looking in vain for two fics and so i am here in hopes that maybe someone can help. A) i think this first one may be a burial mounds days canon divergent fic wherein lwj either comes to stay, or keeps coming back, but that’s just my vague impression. i only remember one scene! lwj is meditating, and a’yuan, sweetheart that he is, sits down with him and copies him. i remember lwj thinking that a’yuan is doing well for such a small kid, he lasts much longer than expected without fidgeting or losing concentration. afterwards he says that he was pretending to be a cloud, i think?? and when lwj (or maybe wwx?) asks him how he feels he says, “Fluffy!” (it’s tbh one of the most adorable scenes ever)

B) second one is an ‘lwj takes a’yuan and jingyi and leaves the lan sect’ joint. i think he leaves bc the elders and teachers are treating a’yuan badly, and lqr is maybe refusing to let lwj adopt him? lwj takes jingyi as well bc he’s a’yuan’s bf and an orphan, and is also kind of shunned and ill treated since he doesn’t conform easily to lan standards. pretty sure lwj tells both kids to call him father once they’ve left, and that they spend the first day or two travelling fast so they won’t be caught, and sleeping rough. i think maybe there was a scene with the kids cleaning up in a river and playing, and lwj being grateful that they feel safe enough to play and make noise… and that’s all i’ve got! i may be completely wrong abt the details, but thank you guys for taking the time to read my rambling. if anyone recognizes either of these i will be so grateful :)

9A)

NOT FOUND! A Myriad of Blossoms by Itszero (E, 56k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Arranged Marriage, Forced Marriage, YL WWX, Hurt LWJ, Cruel wwx, he's cruel until he's not, Protective WWX, Caring WWX, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Eventual Smut, Bottom LWJ, Dark WWX)

FOUND! mercy, tear it down. by orange_crushed (E, 31k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Burial Mounds Settlement Days, Dual Cultivation, Light BDSM, In Which Wangxian Fumble Towards An Understanding of D/S Dynamics, Porn with Feelings, Recovery, Angst with a Happy Ending, Wangxian-Typical CNC Play, Aftercare, Slight Feminization (ie Wei Ying Keeps Saying 'Wife'), True Love, Past LWJ/Other) that dialog shows up at the end of chapter 2

Hey Anon, for 9A, was this a fic where lan yi or baoshan sanren were in it?

SIMILAR! wide enough and wild by impossibletruths (E, 64k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Getting Together, Canonical Accidental Baby Acquisition, Families of Choice, Happy Ending, Noping Out Of Society With Your Boyfriend And Your 50 Wen Refugees: The Novel, Overzealous Use Of Imagery, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Fix-It of Sorts) chapter 1 has a scene like this, however not the dialogue the requestor mentioned

9B)

FOUND! Home isn't Where the Heart is. by Hauntcats (Not Rated, 7k, WangXian)

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10. could you help me find a fic? it was a modern coffee shop au where wangxian got together briefly in school (maybe in uni?) before breaking up due to an understanding that ALSO got wwx kicked out of the jiangs. wwx lived with the wens above the coffee shop i think? thank you so much!! ♥️

FOUND? 💖love wakes me by dea_liberty (E, 46k, wangxian, modern, angst w happy ending, childhood sweethearts, misunderstanding, famous LWJ, coffee shop owner WWX, found families, grand romantic gestures)

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11. heyyyyy! for you next fic finder (if this is how you ask) im looking for this fic(well obvi) but I only remember this one scene. from what I remember it was like lwj was always the top and wwx was going to switch and "take care of him" and he started it off with like a really intense massage and lwj was super upset for finishing so fast and his internal thoughts were so sad but wwx was like "we're not done". it was definitely a modern au and I think autistic!lwj but thats all I remember. thank you, even if you don't find it (:

FOUND? 💖 See all this and more for just ten dollars a month! series by ScarlettStorm (E, 382k, wangxian, modern, onlyfans au, getting together, pining, minor angst, mental health, therapy, autistic LWJ, neurodivergent WWX, domestic bliss, tender kink) defo has lwj with autism and some extremely soft feels and explicit rated scenes

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12. hey guys i searched for this fic everywhere but still couldn't find it so i'm hoping you could help me with it 😭 ok sorry if this is very vague i only remember this specific part where wwx went to the park i think? to meet his family & friends but there is a dog too and it starts chasing wwx so he runs but he got hit by a car :(( i remember lwj and jc are there. again sorry if this is very vague and not very helpful and thanks for all your help!

FOUND? When I hurt you (I hurt myself) by AstaraelWeeps (T, 2k, JC & WWX, hurt/comfort, car accidents, hurt WWX, fluff, happy ending)

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13. I thank you so much for everything that you do 🥺🥺✨✨ I’ve been looking for this for a while but all I remember is the beginning where lwj is dragged to an Halloween party that turn out to be “someone”’s birthday but that’s all I got it was the beginning of the story tho thanks again ✨🥰❤️ @ihaveasoftspotfora-yuan

FOUND? an hour of sunshine by astrolesbian (G, 2k, WangXian, Modern AU, Love Confessions, First Kiss, Mindless Fluff, halloween party)

FOUND? Just Pick Treat by gusucloudbunny (E, 9k, WangXian, Modern AU, College/University, Friends to Lovers, Halloween, Fluff and Smut, Birthday Party, Getting Together, First Kiss, wwx is a barista wwx birate,and no that's not a typo, give lwj friends, let lwj wear a skirt)

FOUND? all the ways to say (i love you) by alcego (E, 24k, WangXian, Modern AU, Halloween Parties (derogatory), Drinking, Literal Sleeping Together, Sleeping Together, Best Friends to Lovers, Explicit Sexual Content, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Semi-Public Sex, (they fuck at a party), gratuitous use of citations)

FOUND? Don’t make me wait too long by Song_of_Storms (T, 3k, WangXian, Modern AU, Birthday Party, Halloween Costumes, anxious lwj, Getting Together, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Birthday Cake, College/University, Hopeless Romantic LWJ, WWX'S Birthday)

FOUND? Birthday Smash by Sebastians_Little_Monster (E, 8k, WangXian, Modern AU, WWX's Birthday) POV LWJ, LWJ Has Feelings, Those Feelings Were Horny, Denial of Feelings, Flirty WWX, WWX is a Little Shit, Jealous LWJ, Halloween Costumes, halloween and party shenanigans, Truth or Dare, Exhibitionism, Anal Sex, Spit As Lube, Rough Sex, ass eating, Oblivious WWX, Straight Boy WWX, Modern Cultivation, Wank and Tell)

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14. I’m looking for a fic that’s set in modern times, but has cultivation elements. In it, indelible marks are left when someone who loves you touches you. Wei yong has no marks or only some from his mom and dad, and none since so he thinks no one loves him. It infuriates lan zhan because he knows he loves wei ying and tells his uncle so, he uncle figures out it’s a curse and breaks it, the curser gets called out and punished. I’ve been dying to read this again, please help! (I remember reading a fic like this, Madam Yu is the one who cursed him right? ~ Mod C)

FOUND? pastel by antebunny (G, 6k, WangXian, Modern AU, College/University, Soulmates AU, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Found Family, Self-Esteem Issues, Misunderstandings, Angst with a Happy Ending, Unrequited Love, but not actually)

Or it could also be the fic it was inspired by, which was -

FOUND? leading tone by silencemostofall (G, 32k, WangXian, Modern AU, Soulmates, with a lil twist, Eventual Happy Ending, lesbian WQ rights, Music, Orchestra, Not YZY Friendly) (this is the fic where YZY was the one to curse him, I think it's this one you were looking for - Mod C)

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15. Hi! I read a fic a while ago but can't remember the name! Do you know the fic where wwx wakes up back in time (he first thinks its a dream) and stops jyl from pushing him away from the blade and dies (while thinking about how he promised he wouldn't hurt lwj and wwx realised he will put lwj through years of mourning)? As he dies, he tells lwj that he loves him. Then he is awakened years later in mxy body, and hugs lwj and hums wangxian. It's complete with 2 or 3 chapters.

FOUND? 💖Shattered Dreams by pupeez4eva (G, 9k, wangxian, time travel, angst, JYL lives, temporary character death, angst w/ happy ending)

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16. Okay so I have a fic finder request for you guys if thats okay!! I don't know if you'll be able to find it for me because I really don't have a lot for you to go on. Literally all that I remember is wwx and lwj talking to someone (a merchant? A shop worker? Maybe something with a festival?) And they had to solve a series of riddles to win a prize (I think it was 3 riddles) wwx solved one but then I think lwj ended up solving 3 riddles instead and gave the prize to wwx. That's all I can remember!! But the scene has been in my head a lot so now I really want to reread the fic haha any help in finding it would be greatly appreciated!! Thank you so much!!! @suibian800

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17. Hello, I would like help finding a post-canon fic where Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji are invited to visit a primarily female cultivation sect and it turns out that they're homophobic and trying to use guys as sperm donors? I know I tried to bookmark it, but I don't know or remember if I did. Could you help? @kaitou-cure-prism12

FOUND! Just As Much by Gemiblu (E, 23k, wangxian, post-marriage, jealousy, demonic cultication, powerbottom WWX, cockblocking, smut)

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18. Hiii thanks for all your hard work ✨🐇✨ can you help me please I read a Twitter thread fic but I lost it and don’t think it was over 😅 I was about wwx and lwj being married but wwx became pregnant and wanted ro surprise lwj but he thought wwx wanted to divorce So he called his lawyer and wwx heard it anc that’s all I got. 🫠😭✨ thanks again @ihaveasoftspotfora-yuan

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19. Hi! Can you help me find a fic where WWX is pregnant and goes to the Cloud Recesses (bc he can't keep the baby in the Burrial Mounds with the Wens) and ends up giving birth on the way there LWJ saw the baby outside his home, but I don't remember anything else.

FOUND? A Scent of Pine in Winter by mondengel (M, 5k, wangxian, ABO， angst, childbirth, mpreg)

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20. Hello!! I've been looking for this fic i read (it might also be a twitter threadfic i dont really remember :"") where lwj for whatever reason has to go to the burial mounds to find yllz where he mets wwx and thinks that wwx is yllz's husband... I don't remember much else, thank you in advance for the help!

FOUND? rare the man who'll hold to faith by Fahye (M, 13k, WangXian, Canon, Identity Porn, With Apologies To The Chivalric Romantic Tradition, rare the man who'll hold to faith [podfic] by someplacelikebolivia)

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#wangxian #mdzs #wangxian fic finder #wangxian fic search #the untamed #wangxianficfinder #long post

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blu-joons · 3 years

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When You Support Him At A Show Despite Him Leaving On An Argument ~ BTS Reaction

Jin:

His eyes widened in surprise as he walked into his dressing room to see you sat on the sofa, staring across at him with a blank expression on your face. “Y-you came?” He stuttered, stunned that you’d come across the city for the show.

“I couldn’t stay at home and miss out, regardless of how we left things,” you sighed, watching on as Jin took a seat beside you, “I’m still annoyed at you, but I know I would have regretted staying at home a lot more than being here.”

Jin’s head nodded, offering you a small smile as a token of his appreciation. “I’m sorry for yelling at you earlier, I was stressed and nervous, and it’s no excuse, but I hope that you can forgive me for being such an idiot.”

“I understand,” you assured him, resting your hand against his chest, “I know you’re busy, even if I’m not the one that you should be taking all of that out on.”

“You’re definitely not the one that I should be taking it out on,” Jin agreed, resting his hand over yours, “but it really means a lot that you still came, I was convinced that you wouldn’t be here tonight.”

You chuckled softly across at him, “I can tell by the look on your face, I’ve not seen you look that surprised to see me in a very long time.”

“It was a nice surprise, the best surprise that I’ve had in a long time.”

Yoongi:

The atmosphere was awkward as soon as the two of you found yourselves in the same room, neither able to quite figure out what to say to one another. “What made you come?” Yoongi then suddenly asked with no expression to his voice.

“Jimin rang me to make sure that I was coming, and I realised that I couldn’t let them down,” you informed him, “and a small part of me hoped that you’d still want me here, even if you didn’t leave on the best terms.”

His head slowly nodded as the two of you began to settle around one another. “Of course, I wanted you hear, it makes me sad to know that you even considered for a second not coming tonight because of this morning.”

“I wasn’t going to come because I thought it was what you wanted,” you argued, “never because I didn’t want to come, I was going to do it for your sake.”

“If you were doing this for my sake, then I’m glad you came,” he agreed, “I don’t think I could have faced going up on that stage tonight knowing that you weren’t there to support me, it just wouldn’t have been the same.”

Your eyes slowly turned up to look across at him, “seeing as we’ve both got what we want in that case, can we think about moving past this?”

“Absolutely, that’s the best thing that you’ve said to me all day.”

Hoseok:

Your eyes fell to the floor as soon as you saw Hobi walking towards you, panic in his face as he made sure that it was really you in front of him. “I didn’t think you’d come,” he sighed, nervously resting his hands against your arms.

“Trust me, I wasn’t going to come, but then I realised that staying at home would only make things worse,” you replied, shaking your head gently, “as much as I hate what you said, I’d hate myself for missing out on all of this.”

A soft sigh came from Hobi, followed by an apology. “I can’t justify what I said to you earlier, but I can promise you that I’m sorry, and that I didn’t mean what I said, I was just getting stressed, you know what I’m like.”

“I do know what you’re like,” you assured him, “which is why it came as such a surprise to hear you shout like that, you’ve never been like that before to me.”

“I know,” he agreed, hanging his head low in embarrassment, “I can’t expect us to move on like nothing has happened straight away, but I hope being here might explain to you what’s been stressing me so much.”

Your eyes looked around at the huge setup for the show that night, “I’ve got to say, it looks impressive. Has all of this come from your mind?”

“Every last bit, the creativity never stops in my imagination Y/N.”

Namjoon:

You followed behind Jungkook as he led you to where Namjoon was, letting you in despite Namjoon’s request to be left alone. “I swear one of you is about to…Y/N?” He frowned, surprised to see you stood before him.

“One of them is about to what?” You pushed, encouraging him to finish his sentence, “feel your wrath in the same way that I did this morning? Get pushed away because all they’re trying to do is care for you?”

Namjoon’s head shook as he stood up and closed the door behind him, “of course, I wouldn’t do that to them, and I should never have done that to you either. I’ve had time to think being here, and I was a fool Y/N.”

“You’re not wrong,” you agreed, pushing gently against his arm, “you’ve got to stop closing off from those around you who care about you Namjoon.”

“I know I do,” he smiled, admitting to his own faults, “this tour is so important, it’s all I can think about. Rather than accept help, I just keep thinking that I can do it all on my own, but the truth is, that I can’t.”

You stepped forwards, taking a hold of his hand, “asking for help isn’t a bad thing, there’s plenty of people around you who want to help, including me.”

“I know, and I promise that I won’t keep pushing you away anymore.”

Jimin:

Arms flew around you as soon as Jimin caught sight of you, squeezing you tightly against his chest. “I’m sorry,” he repeatedly whispered into your ear, closing his eyes and inhaling a deep breath to try and comfort himself.

“It’s alright,” you whispered, moving your arms to wrap around him too. “What’s gotten into you?” You questioned, eventually managing to wriggle out of Jimin’s grip so that the two of you could sand face to face.

His expression was full of panic as he studied you closely, “I didn’t think you’d show up, not after the way things were left when I left home. I thought you’d wait until I got home, and maybe throw me out or something.”

“I would never do that,” you laughed, “the argument was a petty, stupid thing, it’s not worth missing out on a show just for the sake of something so stupid.”

“I’m still so sorry,” he assured you once again, cupping his hands to either side of your face, “when the show is done tonight, I’ll make sure to prove to you just how sorry I am for saying the things that I said.”

Your head shook at his flustered state, “Jimin, I’m telling you that things are alright, I just want to enjoy your show tonight, and smile again.”

“I’ll make sure you have the best time; don’t you worry about a thing.”

Taehyung:

The moment his eyes met yours, he felt his heart stop, shocked to see that you had made the effort to fly over and see the boys on the road. “I didn’t think you’d come,” Taehyung whispered as he made his way over to you.

“I thought it would be my best chance to see you,” you admitted, letting go of a sigh, “I couldn’t stay at home any longer with the way things were, I hoped coming out here would give us the chance to clear the air, properly.”

Immediately, Taehyung’s head nodded, desperate to do the same with you. “I’ve been a wreck on this tour knowing that we’ve not been speaking, ask any of the boys, even they can tell that something’s wrong.”

“I think we both said things that we regret,” you suggested, as he agreed with you, “and I think we both have realised that arguing and tour don’t go together.”

“I’ve never hated being on the road more than I have this time around,” he admitted, “it’s been killing me trying to decide whether I should call or not, the last thing I wanted to do was annoy you more.”

Your head shook as you lightly laughed, “I was the exact same with you, I thought if I called whilst you were busy, you’d only hate me more.”

“I could never hate you, you’re the best thing that I’ve got.”

Jungkook:

He raced through the arena as soon as he heard a mention of your name, stopping in the doorway as he noticed you stood talking to Hobi backstage for their rehearsal. “Y/N?” He questioned, feeling his heart pound as your eyes looked around.

“Hi,” you nervously smiled, waving goodbye to Hobi as he suggested giving the two of you a moment alone. “The show looks good,” you anxiously complimented, not quite sure of what you wanted to say to him after so long.

He nodded proudly as your eyes looked anywhere else but across to him. “I wasn’t expecting you to show up, I thought that coming to a show was the last thing you’d want to do, I’ve not even text you, I’ve been terrible.”

“I’m not just here for you,” you quickly assured him, “I’m here to support my friends as well, we’ve still got plenty that we need to talk about just yet.”

“I know,” he whimpered, slightly fearful of what was to come, “and I know that I’ve got a lot of making up to do, but knowing that you came here to support me, or us, is something that I’m very grateful for.”

Your head nodded, weakly smiling at him, “like I said, I’m here to support all of you, I couldn’t let the boys down, and you as well.”

“I’m the one that’s let people down, you’ve done nothing.”

---

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bulletproofscales · 2 years

Note

Hi there! Can you do a Namjoon + Jin fic where Namjoon thinks he's straight until he meets Jin and falls in love?

hiii!! so given that this is mroe of a vague request i took some liberties in the writting and tried something new with the plot!! i hope you enjoy!

tags: hurt/comfort , internalized homophobia , anxiety , self discovery , namjoon token straight , gay club , making out , dry humping (sfw) , public space (sfw) , late talks , chubby seokjin bc i can , side jihopekook

5.6k words

link to ao3!!

Namjoon isn’t uncomfortable, really! He isn’t…. But he can acknowledge he isn’t really in his element right now.

Well…he is the straigth man at a gay bar; he knows he isn’t the target audience. And Namjoon is okay with that!

He is just here to be of moral support to Jimin and Hoseok, who usually come here by themselves. But tonight came with the specific purpose of “getting dicked down”, their words. And they were crazy to think Namjoon wasn’t going to come and make sure they had a safe night.

So yeah… it was his idea to come, sexuality isn’t going to stop him from making sure neither of his friends gets dragged away by some creep. And he is trying hard to use that as a way to not regret this moral choice. In the end, no matter how hard he tries to fool himself, sitting at a stool at the bar of an LGBTQ club, isn’t really his image of an ideal saturday night.

The drinks are good at least, and it's been about two hours without anyone approaching him fortunately. Jimin and Hoseok would’ve whined to him about that in the past, now they know better than to push.

Namjoon is not closed minded, being probably one of the only cishet person in his friend group. Of course he’s… pondered. Considered… he even tried.

Yeah… The big elephant in the room. Being here definitely isn’t keeping memories of it at bay. Right now, he feels pretty similar to how he felt those 2 months he lasted with his boyfriend.

Tense, apprehensive, and like he’s somewhere he isn’t supposed to.

It won’t be long until Jimin or Hoseok come to where he decidedly sat at the beginning of the night, and tell him they’re good to go. And he’ll be able to leave, and stop thinking about how undeserving he is of being here.

When a hand settled between his shoulder blades, it felt too big to be Jimin’s, too knobbly to be Hoseok’s. He is already frowning as he turns over his shoulder to look, Namjoon’s expression softens when he gets a sight of the man.

Maybe it was the gentle angling of his face, or the long straight slope of his nose, or the careful curve of his eyes seemingly traced by an artist, darkest paint used for his irises. His lips too, beautifully plump, their pink tint visible even under the club’s lighting, the tender line of his upper lips making him seem like he’s already smiling.

Maybe, it's the daiquiri.

“Hey…” The man says easily, like he doesn’t even have to strain his voice to make himself be heard above the loud music and chatter. Namjoon can notice the way the stranger’s eyes widen a little in interest at the sight of him; smile growing confidently on his face.

“Did you come by yourself?” It's only when he steps closer to the bar, and therefore, to Namjoon, that he gets to appreciate the sweet tone of his voice. His hand moving from the center of Namjoon’s back to wrap gently around the base of his nape.

He can’t help but delay his answer, eyes still taking their time looking over the stranger’s face. His touches unprovoked but… then again, this is a gay bar that he is in. The angelic stranger isn’t wrong for assuming…

“I uh—I came with my friends…” Namjoon musters up a smile, nervous, tense, but a smile. He didn’t notice how trapped he had been in his own head the entire time here; clinging to this interaction in any way to distract himself. “They’re lost somewhere on the dance floor.” He even chuckles weakly as he says it.

The stranger’s eyes glint. Properly leaning against the bar, elbow set on it, properly facing him. That easy smile still on his face, lurring Namjoon in.

“What's your name?” For better or for worse… He doesn’t seem to be phased by Namjoon’s awkward silent batches. Tilting his head as if amused by the sight of a slightly tipsy awkward man trying to make his way through a conversation.

“Namjoon…” He sighs it out, as if his voice wasn’t straining anymore either. As if the ease of the stranger became contagious. “Yours?”

“I’m Seokjin. My friend is also somewhere on the dance floor.” The stranger, Seokjin, chuckles as he says it. In the back of his head, there’s a voice telling Namjoon that he knows what Seokjin is here for, that he knows it's something he can’t offer.

Selfishly, he tries to enjoy the curve of Seokjin’s smile for a little longer.

“And I’m not much of a dancer.” Seokjin adds, his fingers beginning to rub the very edge of Namjoon’s buzzcut. He can feel his own breath stutter.

“I somehow befriended two dance majors.” It's not just his voice that isn’t straining, it feels as if the whole club is quieting down around them. Namjoon chuckles softly; it feels like even Seokjin might be able to hear. “There's no way I'm going there.”

It isn’t the full truth of why he is recluding himself. But the small fit of laughter he manages to coax from Seokjin’s chest and the gentle rubbing of his nape, is enough to keep Namjoon buzzing closer. Seemingly entransed.

“We’ll have to find a way to keep busy while they’re there…” He feels it, the gentle tugging of Seokjin's hand, subtly pulling him closer. It's faint enough that… if he wanted, Namjoon could hold himself in place. His grip of his nape so light he could probably take Seokjin’s wrist and move his hand away.

But he doesn’t, he leans closer the way Seokjin wants him too. It's so easy to crowd his space against the bar; the slight widening of his smile enough of a reward for Namjoon. His features are so much more hypnotizing from up close. Only mustering to nod at Seokjin’s propositions at a loss of words.

“You’d like that?” He adds, probably because of the lack of confirmation for Namjoon. Checking in… If he wanted to reject Seokjin, it should be now.

It has to be now.

“Yeah…Yeah I-I would.” It's only now he realizes, Namjoon never stopped leaning in, and Seokjin never pushed him away. Their noses close to brushing, breaths beginning to mix.

Close to the point he can smell a bit of the drink Seokjin probably had earlier too; even if he handles being tipsy a lot better than Namjoon seems to be handling it. Letting himself get lost in the rhythmic caressing of his neck, in the way Seokjin licks his lips, smile widening at his response.

And he doesn’t give Namjoon time to question himself. No time to fear or doubt. Because Seokjin closes the gap between them, slotting their lips gently. Even softer than he could have ever imagined just from looking; no matter how close.

It can’t compare to the feeling of Seokjin’s other hand caressing up Namjoon’s arm, following the bulging of his muscles up to his shoulder; just to meet the fingers still rubbing at the short hairs of his nape. Or to the way he angles his head to deepen the kiss, Namjoon’s rhythm sloppy as he follows; it's been so long. Tongues meeting seamlessly, slow and unhurried.

He can feel Seokjin begin to separate. But after that first taste, Namjoon’s body acts on its own, reaching for the softness of Seokjin’s waist tugging him back in; this time with more intent. Feeling pride bloom in his chest when his actions coax a surprised noise out of Seokjin's lips, one that he gets to muffle and swallow down; not even audible within the loud club, but felt through the vibrations of his lips moving against Namjoon’s. Big hands squeezing where he holds Seokjin against the bar in response.

His body buzzing with something he can’t put the name on, of having such a gorgeous man bend to his touch; as he stands up to crowd Seokjin’s space even more. Feeling the way his arms properly link over Namjoon’s shoulders in invitation as he stands up, their height is not that far off. But it lets his actions run looser, feeling perfectly out of control.

Namjoon realizes afterwards that he is humming back into Seokjin’s mouth, low and vibrating in his chest. His body acting on its own, seamless as it reacts to the feeling of Seokjin’s soft torso against his; legs slotting in between one another as the space between their bodies ever smaller. He can feel his hands becoming restless, caressing up and down Seokjin’s plump sides; limbs becoming clumsy with desperation. As if, unable to figure out his body in the dark club, Namjoon was trying to memorize the feel of it with his hands. Groping into the pliant fat when he found Seokjin’s hips or fingers sinking in between the small rolls that stacked up his waist.

Only noticing his hums turning into downright moans from the little noise that slips out when Seokjin finally separates their lips.

“L–let's go…” His voice sounds breathless, his lips redder and a bit more swollen. As he tries to gently guide Namjoon away from the bar, shoving him back carefully It feels like Seokjin is the one towering over him this time, as he obediently follows the man’s guidance; it's so quick he doesn’t get to ponder where they're going before Seokjin is shoving them into a bathroom stall; world blurring around him only able to stare back at the man with widened awe.

And if Namjoon had felt desperate back at the bar, nothing could’ve prepared him for the way Seokjin pounces to kiss him. Hand cupping at either side of his strong neck; strong enough to send Namjoon to sit onto the (thankfully) closed toilet lid. Seokjin follows right to settle on top, on his lap; ample thighs spreading when they settle on top of Namjoon. At the shocking moment his hands instinctively go to Seokjin’s hips, holding him in place as their lips meet fervent and ravenous. The noise of the club muffled to the point they can actually hear each other's noises now.

His melodic mewls into the kiss are making Namjoon’s brain swim in pleasure, letting his hands knead at his full hips. Before they continue to wander, slipping to wrap across Seokjin’s back, slipping lower to meet the curve of his ass. Maybe it's the smell of alcohol, cheap cleaning products, smoke, and sweat; but that floaty sensation in his mind is turning into a feeling of lightheadedness.

A feeling he welcomes, Namjoon doesn’t remember a time he ever felt this loosened, this relaxed. Actions seemingly flowing without consequence of his psyche. He gropes into the fat of Seokjin’s ass, moaning at the feeling of his fingers sinking in. Though he coaxes another pleasured groan out of Namjoon, when he grinds his hips at the motion. Sliding his ass across his lap; feeling the friction of their crotches in the smooth grinding of Seokjin’s pelvis.

It's like everything stills for Namjoon then.

At the throbbing of his dick against Seokjin, at the clutching of his own stomach in something he can only recognize as distaste. At the realization of what he is doing, and who he is doing it with.

Something he isn’t supposed to, with someone he isn’t supposed to.

The clutching turns to twisting, the twisting turns to the numbness and tingling spreading across his hands, making them shaky and painful. Trembling as he lets go of where his grip was keeping Seokjin close, or now, guiding the movement of Seokjin’s hips.

He really didn’t mean to be a brute when Namjoon holds his shoulders and pulls him back, forcing them to separate. Gasping for air, heart thrumming in his chest threatening to push out. Namjoon didn’t realize when exactly was it that he stopped focusing on breathing. Right now, it's insane to believe there was a moment of the night where he wasn’t focused on it at all.

“Namjoon?” His eyes had been unfocused, staring at a random spot in Seokjin’s chest. Though the sweet tone of his voice makes his head snap out. He must truly look insane, if the way Seokjin widens is anything to judge by. “Are you okay?”

He doesn’t know, it felt so maddeningly liberating but getting threateningly close to vertigo. Terrifying and unhinged and uncontrolled in a way that isn’t what Namjoon is.

How did he manage to fuck up twice?

“I–I should–I should go.” His voice sounds cracked as he tries to leave from the stall, to push Seokjin's weight off his lap. And he does, he is compliant, letting Namjoon push him away as much as he needs. He even lets Namjoon storm out of the stall, ungracefully. Not nearly as drunk but dizzy nonetheless. The stench of the bathroom feels as though it was sinking to his skin, making him reek. Making him grotesque. He stands there only for a second before realizing his lungs won't struggle any less if he stays here, suffocating in the stuffed bathroom.

Namjoon doesn’t turn back to see Seokjin’s reaction, the guilt and terror overwhelming him too much to even bare think about it. His body is on autopilot as it stumbles through the mass of people, not caring to find Hoseok or Jimin; he’ll text them later. Once he is out, once he can breathe past the smog of sweat and smoke again.

The bouncers are looking at him a bit suspiciously for the way he stumbles and pushes his way out of the bustling club. But it's worth it for the mouthful of fresh air he gets to inhale afterwards. It fills his lungs and makes him cold from the inside out. His clothes pressed snug and wet against his body from the sweat, Jimin and Hoseok did tell him he was using too many layers. His hands are cold with chilling sweat as he runs his fingers through his buzz cut; letting his nails dig in a little bit and drag him back to reality.

Relief lasts only for a second, his mind gaining lucidity as it realizes what he’s done, again.

He makes himself sick with his own sense of entitlement, the one that leads him to situations like these, of leading innocent men on. Disgusted with his ability to toy with them so easily. Somehow always realizing a little too late, when he can’t turn back without hurting, that this isn’t who he is.

It feels as though Namjoon can’t help himself. Like he is always waiting to take as much as he can, even when he knows he will eventually have to let go, to stop pretending. Procrastinating from the inevitable parting that will have to happen; but postponing it as much as possible.

A hand that's too big to be Jimin’s and too knobbly to be Hoseok’s taps his shoulder unsurely. He turns and still manages to be surprised to find Seokjin standing right in front of him. Phone and ID in hand.

“It must’ve fallen out of your pocket when you rushed off.” His tone isn’t accusatory, but Namjoon still shrinks under the guilt taking them from him.

“Thank you… You could’ve just given it to the staff.” A nervous but thankful smile grows on his face, though he can’t dare to look Seokjin in the eye.Instead focusing on the jacket he either didn’t notice he had on the entire time they met, or Seokjin just didn’t have on until now.

“I know, but I needed an excuse to come check on you…” It's the equally timid and slightly guilty tone of Seokjin’s voice that makes Namjoon’s gaze snap up to meet his eyes. “Are you…alright? Was it too much?” Thick eyebrows don’t look nearly as cunning as he remembers them with how they scrunch up in worry. The contrast leaves Namjoon a little speechless, along with the words coming out of Seokjin’s mouth right after.

“I shouldn’t have pushed too much without asking, I’m really so sorry Namjoon-ah.”

It's the ridiculousness of that statement, how far off Seokjin is from the actual truth that pushes Namjoon to stop being a coward and explain himself. The first person to hear of him and his sexuality being a complete stranger.

“No!” He reassures at first, a little too loudly, hands even reaching for Seokjin before quickly retreating back to curl at his sides. “No you… You did nothing wrong I promise.” That first part is easy, it's what comes next that's dreadful.

Much like spending the night at a random bar by himself for the sake of his friends, opening up about things he’s worked his ass off to repress also isn’t Namjoon’s ideal image of a saturday night. Yet Seokjin looks at him not like he is waiting for an explanation, but worried for Namjoon’s trembly state.

“I’m straight.” He explains, the way he has actually practiced to say before coming to the club; preparing in case anyone approached him. Sighing out with an apologetic tone clinging to his voice, guilt trickling evident in his face. And that would be enough, if he actually managed to say it before anything happened.

Now… after the way he treated Seokjin, it's not nearly enough.

“I–I really just came here for my friends… I didn’t plan on-one meeting anyone.” Seokjin’s expression is stoic and suddenly unreadable. Scarce of the charm that made his intentions with Namjoon so obvious when they first met, and making him unreadable. So he continues. “I dont–I dont know why I didn’t tell you or why I didn’t stop y-you but I–I can’t I’m sorry… I’m really really sorry…” His hands move frantically in front of him as if to make a better excuse for himself.

“Okay…” He sounds like he is processing the amount of words just dumped on him. “Well… Here’s your phone and your ID…” Namjoon had been so focused in keeping his own eyes on him, that only now he notices Seokjin’s eyes avoiding him. Rather staring down at their hands as Namjoon’s belongings are given back. “Maybe buy a jacket with pockets that have a zipper.” Seokjin tries to chuckle, but it's toned down.

Namjoon takes the harrowing guilt with open arms, feeling his heart sink at the other’s mannerisms. He nods instead, quickly as if he was being scolded. “Yeah... Yeah thank you, again.” He puts them back in his jackets. Using that moment as an excuse to look away, to give Seokjin those few seconds to back away and go back in the club; if his night hasn’t been completely ruined by Namjoon yet.

But when he looks back, Seokjin is still there.

“I might just keep you company until you settle a little bit… You’re still shaking.” He can tell he is trying to make it sound lighthearted when he breaks the silence. Though Namjoon can only stare at himself a bit in awe at the fact that yes, his hands still tremble even as they stay a bit in front of Seokjin.

Huh.

He nods before he can get his lips to formulate the short and awkward: “You don’t have to…” Seokjin begins to guide them away from the club entrance. And when he sits on the curb, he looks up at Namjoon expectantly. Making his complaints die in his mouth, as he wordlessly follows sitting down next to Seokjin.

“I don't feel like going back in anyways.” His eyes are immediately directed away from Namjoon once he takes seat. Maybe the dim streetlight and blue neon sign of the club are fooling him, but he could swear Seokjin’s cheeks had a slightly reddened tint.

“Ouch.” The nervous chuckle is telling of how uneasy he still is with Seokjin’s company.

“You deserved that.” At least this time he side-eyes Namjoon to tell him, the joke still holding too much truth to be properly funny. He still takes it as a win. “You weren’t the only one going out of their ‘comfort zone’.” His sentence finishes with a humorless snort.

It stuns Namjoon because… As deserving as he is of it, this is the first time getting this type of backlash. Hoseok and Jimin all too kind of the confused mess he was after the breakup. And his ex all too devastated, and Namjoon too much of a coward to give him the time to voice out his hurt before leaving. It feels… chilling.

Seokjin sounds as frustrated as Namjoon feels.

“That's the thing, it's not out of my comfort zone.” His voice trembles as he says it, even if it comes out as strong with exasperation. “It doesn’t feel out of my comfort zone when it's happening.” Namjoon can hear his heart pounding out of his chest, frantic and spastic; drowning out the revealing confessions coming out of his mouth. But Seokjin didn’t stop him; and much like it happened before: Namjoon couldn’t stop.

“As soon as I start thinking it stops feeling right. Because I know that what I’m doing is wrong!” His voice gets stronger, the anger and resentment he has hoarded for himself making his voice strain with irritation.

“Being with men is wrong?” Seokjin interjects, his raised eyebrow only making Namjoon widen and snap out of his rage fit.

“No! Just… Toying with them like this and leading them on, when I know I’m straight!” It comes out as a whine. Turning to Seokjin with pleading eyes, advice, a slap to the face, anything.

But Seokjin gives him nothing of that, just a puzzled look. “If the guy is enjoying it, and it doesn’t feel wrong to you… Why is it wrong?” He sounds so genuinely puzzled over a question that sounds so simple. So simple it's something Namjoon’s anxiety ridden brain had gone completely over.

The confusion in Seokjin’s eyes is contagious. As Namjoon feels his own rage sizzle out, frowning to himself as if to think what he could possibly tell Seokjin to explain himself.

Instead, this is what comes out.

“B–because I’m straight…” The conviction tries to be so strong in his voice; but it fails miserably.

And the unconvinced silence that comes after only makes Namjoon’s wavering uncomfortably evident.

“Did you ever give yourself more than 2 minutes to prove otherwise?” There's a mocking chuckle coming out of Seokjin's (infuriatingly) plump lips; clear to reference what happened inside the club a few minutes ago. But right now, mockery isn’t what Namjoon needs. He can feel the way his own expression dies out into something defensive, and angered.

“I gave it 2 months. Is that enough?” Namjoon doesn't yell, but his shielding sarcasm is blatant. His tone venomous, as he stares at Seokjin probably ragefully, and Seokjin simply stares wordlessly with wide eyes.

His lips begin to move to respond. But two palms, that Namjoon does recognize as the smallness of Jimin’s and the daintiness of Hoseok’s, slam against his back.

“We’ve been looking all over for you!” Jimin’s tone is worried and he is still yelling as if he was inside the club.

“Pick up your damn phone for once, Joon-ah!” The whine comes from Hoseok, at his other side, cheeks flushed red. “We are going back to ours.”

“With him.” Jimin giggles pointing back, and all four of them turn to see a random chubby guy that, if Namjoon's deductions are correct, refused to follow Jimin and Hoseok to talk to a group of random people.

“That's Jungkook.” Surprisingly it's Seokjin that speaks. “He came with me, he is innocent.” He deadpans, and it seems enough for both of Namjoon’s (probably tipsy) friends, as they nod and rush back to ‘Jungkook’.

“We’ll return him in the morning.” Hoseok smiles one last time before walking off tugging Jungkook to a cab. Leaving Seokjin and Namjoon to follow them with their eyes, and… inevitably leaving them alone…. after Namjoon’s little outburst.

“So… wanna get ice cream?” The casual tone of his voice is unbothered enough to actually startle Namjoon. Completely unaffected by the obvious awkwardness between them.

And despite everything… “You’ll have to pay for the uber there.”

“I was designated driver for the night.” He is smiling smugly as he says it. But all Namjoon can think of is the confirmation that Seokjin must’ve been sober the entire time of his advances; warmth blooming in his stomach at the thought. “You can tell me all about those 2 months.” The domesticity of his tone stops sounding tonedeaf to the awkwardness, and it turns into… actual friendly interest.

“Al-Alright.” He nods, lifting himself up from the curb and offering his hand up to Seokjin, who takes it. Huffing a little as he stands up as well.

The walk to Seokjin’s car is bizarre, it feels like it should be uncomfortable, yet Seokjin’s demeanor looks completely unaffected: his walk relaxed as he pulls his car keys. Old looking, with a cartoon character Namjoon doesn’t recognize hanging from the rearview mirror.

The need to fill out the silence isn’t suffocating as Namjoon would have anticipated, but he asks anyway. “What ice cream shops are open at 3 am in the morning?”

“Oh, there aren’t any, we are just going to McDonalds.” He snorts and begins to drive with ease through the empty streets, soulless techno music playing through the speakers. Music that gives Namjoon all the time in the world to think about the situation he is in right now… in a random stranger he failed to hook up with, going out for dessert… and probably confess all his deepest feelings to.

He should definitely feel more out of place than he does right now. The trip to McDonald’s isn’t long enough to let him force himself into feeling anxious. Because seemingly suddenly, Seokjin is going around to the drive through.

“Good evening, I’m going to have an m&m McFlurry with chocolate sauce and…” He turns to Namjoon then, wordlessly.

“Mixed vanilla and chocolate cone.”

“And a mixed vanilla and chocolate cone. Thank you!” His tone definitely sounds cheerful for any 3 am customers, handing the two ice creams to Namjoon as he parks in one of the many empty spots. Immediately taking the McFlurry from his hands and digging in. “I definitely needed something sweet to finish the night off…” Seokjin’s voice sounds muffled from the eating. But he is met with silence, Namjoon just staring at him; like it was just now dawning on him that he is talking with a random stranger.

As if he was reading his mind, Seokjin adds. “You know you don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to, right?” There's a worried smile on his face, plump cheeks making the curve of his smile slightly overlap at the end. A detail Namjoon only would have been able to tell under the neon yellow of the McDonald’s sign.

And of course he knows…

“I do want to, it's just… not one of my most noble and great moments.” Namjoon tries to smile and lighten the heaviness in his chest from the guilt. The memory alone is still vivid and jarring in his conscience.

“You were making out with the hottest guy you’ll ever get and you ran away… I’d say I’ve seen you do worse.” His tone has no malice, joking innocently before his expression softens. “Tell me.” Gentleness evident in his voice, lurring Namjoon in such a different way than he did back at the bar.

“I already hurt someone before, just like this.” The first words are the hardest to slip out, but he sees the way Seokjin is giving Namjoon (undeservedly) his entire attention. “He was in our friend group and we were especially close and you know… All my friends are gay so I was always open to you know… the possibility.” His voice dies down once he feels himself getting too carried away.

“You were open to a guy coming in and sweeping you away.” Seokjin adds once he notices the growing timidness.

“Yeah...” “Did he do that?” His voice is much more careful when he comments this time.

And Namjoon is more careful with his answer as well.

“Kayee… was really good to me.” He can’t help the way his own tone becomes tender at the mention of his name. “And I felt like I could be myself around him, we got each other, you know?” Namjoon’s eyes had settled for his own lap, but when he looks up Seokjin was nodding.

“He wasn’t straight?”

“Openly pan, and I didn’t think twice about it until I started doubting my own feelings for him.” He feels his mouth run dry, and takes a break licking into his cone. “I mean… we were so close, what else could it have been?” His eyes are looking at Seokjin like he is genuinely looking for an answer. And before he tries to fumble out an answer, Namjoon soothes him by continuing himself.

“Looking back at it, it feels like it could’ve been so good. But as soon as it started I couldn't enjoy any moment of it.” It's hard to hide himself and how frustrated he feels. “It was my first relationship with a man so I figured I just… had to get used to it.”

“Did you feel bad from the get go?” When Namjoon nods, licking his ice cream, he asks. “Did you tell him?” And when a sigh is the automatic response that the question evokes out of Namjoon, he knows he has a lot to unpack.

“He was the first one to confess, which I thought of like…a sign that this thing could work…. That we could work.” His eyes can’t look at Seokjin’s now. “So I didn’t want to make him feel like I was unsure, or like I was having doubts from the start.”

“So you just waited it out?” The gentle tone of his voice is shocking enough it makes him look up at Seokjin.

A sad smile spreads on his face. “Tried to.”

“Two months is already too long of a time to be stuck in a cycle like that… And what happened?”

That's the worst part, the one he is ashamed about the most.

“I didn’t even have it in me to break up with him, even when I knew I wasn't happy. Or even acting happy enough to convince him…” There's a small victory in the fact he can at least keep eye contact as he says it.

“I was too much of a coward to even break up with him, Seokjin. He had to do it, and I got to play dumb and detached the entire time. Just hurting him as he tried to salvage us!”

Namjoon realizes a little too late how worked up he was. Yelling over something he has no right to feel angered over. He cuts himself off, seemingly shrinking into the old passenger seat.

“You look like you’re about to apologize, don’t.” He didn’t even get to open his lips again before being shut up. “I asked, didn't I?”

“You did…”

“So you won’t.” “I won’t apologize.”

It feels like he's done the first right thing of the night when Seokjin beams at his response, eyes lightening up and beautiful lips curling to a smile.

“Don’t look so proud, I didn’t achieve anything.” There's a joking tone to Namjoon’s voice, but his smile is genuine, a little taken aback by the warmth from the other’s face.

“Well… I can’t tell you if you're straight or not, Namjoon-ah.” He chuckles, discarding the last of his ice cream; having had all the time to finish while the other vented. “If that's what you're implying.” Seokjin gives him a side eye before continuing.

“But… If you’re honest to someone upfront, I think they wouldn't have any problems just testing things out…” Suddenly he isn’t looking at him as he finishes that sentence, shrugging it off.

His jaw drops for a second, before he can properly let out a wheezing laugh. Making him fold over himself against the deck fo the car, hand slamming against it, while the other has to focus on not crashing the melting abandoned ice cream cone.

“After everything, I’ve told you! You want to date me, you just said that!” He is still wheezing, probably too loud for anyone sober to endure at the prime hour of 4:03 am. But he can’t hold back, scratchy but squeaky laugh echoing in the car.

“Stop painting me like I have bad taste, and stop putting words in my mouth!” Seokjin is showing at his shoulder in a failed attempt to make him budge; yelling just as loud and inappropriately, jokingly outraged. “I’m just saying you're allowed to experiment if you want!” His voice gets a few pitches higher when he is arguing like this. Making it all that much more funny to Namjoon's ears.

“Do you want me to experiment?” It sounded funnier when he thought it in his head as they laughed hysterically inside the car. But once it came out and their laughter had begun to die down, it just sounded plain flirty.

And he’d be mortified by it if he didn’t see Seokjin’s expression completely widen into genuine shock. Jaw slacking open as he palms his lips. “You did not just twist my good genuine advice into that.”

“Just answer the question, Seokjin.” Even with a joking tone, these flirty types of conversations is something he could've never done before. Yet they feel so easy now, with the weight of his chest, with the pressure gone. Leaving him breathing room for his heart to skip a beat at the sound of Seokjin’s giggles.

“No but seriously answer me, can we go to your place? I’m pretty sure my friends are fucking your friend back at mine.”

#namjin #chubby seokjin #internalized homophobia #anxiety #hurt comfort #making out

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shanastoryteller · 4 years

Note

HAP HOLS!!!! I have no idea what to request specifically, but I would love to see you continue some of the prompt threads you've already established, if that is ok.

a continuation of 1

Life is priceless but lumber has a fixed cost.

The war had ended swiftly after Wei Ying had switched sides. The combination of his power and Meng Yao’s cleverness and Wen Qing’s lifetime of familiarity with the Wen had meant that Wen Ruohan’s death and Wen Qing’s ascension had happened so quickly many people hadn’t even noticed it happening.

They’d noticed when the fighting stopped. They’d noticed when an army of fierce corpses had marched to the steps of every clan with a peace treaty, the implication clear. They could either sign or die.

Lan Wangji does not believe Wei Ying would have done it, if they hadn’t signed, but they hadn’t had to find out.

Everyone had signed. There were rumors that the Nie hadn’t, at first, but that’s impossible, because if they’d refused an army of fierce corpses would have destroyed them, of course.

(Gossiping is forbidden, but gossip says that instead their water ran red and thick and coppery, gossip says that Wei Ying for some reason destroyed an ancient Nie tomb, gossip says lots of things but what did not happen was Wei Ying slaughtering the Nie for their supposed initial refusal.)

About a month after the treaty was signed, when things were just starting to feel normal again, the deliveries came.

A pouch of gold pieces delivered by men and women clad in red. It was almost exactly the amount spent on rebuilding Cloud Recesses. The Jiang received one, as well as the Nie, and the Yao, and the Ouyang, and several others.

The Jin hadn’t.

The Dafan Wen and those that follow them are not the Wen the started the war, but rather the Wen that ended it. Lan Wangji knows that not everyone sees that distinction, but he does. Even under generous circumstances, this token had been far from necessary. Wen Qing’s family had been beaten and abused by them and he knows that even though this is something she agreed to, that of course it needed her agreement to happen, that it was not her idea.

The banquet is in full swing and Lan Wangji can’t keep his eyes of Wei Ying.

He’s sitting at the front of the room, him and Wen Ning on either side of Wen Qing. Meng Yao is seated next to Xichen, which Lan Wangji would probably find more worthy of his interest if Wei Ying weren’t in his sight.

He does not look like how Lan Wangji saw him last, exhausted and snappish and sad and righteous. He looks happy, looks stunning in all that red silk, the warmth between him and the Wens just as obvious as the fact that he hasn’t exchanged a single word with any of the Jiang all night.

A side door bursts open with a bang and it’s too close to the war still. All chatter cuts off and everyone tenses. “Not again,” Meng Yao sighs, quietly enough that Lan Wangji can’t be certain he intended for anyone to hear him.

A little boy runs through the room, his hair damp and soaking into his sleeping robes. “Baba!” he shrieks just as an older woman follows him through the door, eyes narrowed.

The child goes straight to the head of the room and falls into Wei Ying’s waiting arms.

“A-Yuan!” the woman scolds while Wen Ning grins and Wen Qing rolls her eyes, looking like the girl he knew in Cloud Recesses for the first time tonight. “You know your father is busy tonight, don’t do this.”

The child, A-Yuan, pouts and hides his face in Wei Ying’s chest.

“It’s alright, Granny,” Wei Ying says warmly, setting A-Yuan more firmly in his lap. “He won’t manage to stay awake much longer. I’ll put him to bed once he falls asleep.”

“Not going to fall asleep,” he mutters, but seems too happy at getting his way to really whine about it, setting against Wei Ying boneless and content.

The war didn’t kill him, but Lan Wangji thinks this might.

#prompt answers #prompts are closed #untamed #asks #awsome-space-dragon #thats a wrap kids #barely in time for valentines day prompts

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eleanorfenyxwrites · 3 years

Text

@evilteddybear requested: I always love a LWJ/WWX fic where the sect leaders, especially Lan Xichen, Nie Mingjue, and Lan Qiren, come to the Burial Mounds and see what it's like before attacking, try to negotiate.

Thanks for the request (and your patience in seeing it filled), hope you like it!

[Masterpost] [Ao3]

“Xiongzhang.”

“Wangji. I don’t like it any more than you do but it’s going to be the best solution for everyone.”

The weight of his brother’s glare is nearly a physical blow but Lan Xichen is used to it and stands firm. It helps that he can distract himself from the heat of it by focusing on the long trek down to the bottom of the staircase of Jinlintai. With Jin Guangyao busy for the afternoon Lan Xichen had offered to take Lan Wangji into the city for the day, though now he’s wondering just why he had though that would be a good idea in the first place. Now at least, he supposes, they have the excuse of going off to purchase paper fine enough to be suitable for an invitation for Wei Wuxian to attend his nephew’s one-month celebration.

“I will take him the letter myself,” Lan Wangji states, voice pitched low and steady. Though it’s an obstinate, unmovable tone that Lan Xichen has heard far too many times before, he can’t help but feel that it’s his duty to put up at least something of a token argument. He can never seem to argue with anyone but Lan Wangji, but even then he almost always ends up bowing out as gracefully as he can under the strength of his headstrong brother’s will.

“Wangji, it’s not safe…”

“Wei Ying will not hurt me.”

“I didn’t say that he would.”

“The Wens are not a threat.”

Lan Xichen sighs heavily and pauses as they reach a landing to close his eyes against the inevitability of his little brother getting to have his way. He always has until the day Wei Wuxian left with his band of Wens, and Lan Wangji has been doggedly pursuing him – whether Wei Wuxian is aware of it or not – ever since. He’s never done well with not getting precisely what he wants when he wants it, and Lan Xichen adores his brother and the fact that he’s grown up being given what few things he has wanted without much thought. However in this moment, for this situation, he can’t help but privately wish deep down that his brother knew how to practice the same sacrifice that Lan Xichen himself makes when it comes to those he wishes to protect.

“If you doubt me you may come with me.”

“Wangji-“ Lan Xichen cuts off with another sigh as his brother simply walks away, his piece said and his interest in the conversation clearly exhausted. They both know very well that he’ll do what he wants, and Lan Xichen will allow it. Which is why, in the end, it’s no surprise at all that Lan Wangji makes his way to Yiling with his invitation tucked safely in a qiankun pouch, nor is it particularly surprising that Lan Xichen has accepted Lan Wangji’s sort-of-bluff of an invitation to go with him. What isa surprise is that Nie Mingjue had elected to join them when he’d caught wind of where they were going and why.

“Mingjue,” Lan Xichen attempts to soothe now as the man in question paces back and forth in the confines of their room. In the interest of keeping the peace he had taken it upon himself to make sure that Lan Wangji got to have his own space, but any notions that Lan Xichen may have had about utilizing the relative privacy this arrangement affords to Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue have so far borne no fruit whatsoever. “I warned you that this would be a matter of patience, you didn’t have to come with us.”

“What? And let you both walk into the lion’s den? Of course I had to come.”

“Wangji and I are far from helpless, Mingjue, and he is certain that Wei Wuxian won’t harm us.”

“He’s the only one.”

“He’s not, I-“

“Xichen I will walk all the way back to Qinghe right now if you can honestly tell me that you’re completely and utterly certain that Wei Wuxian won’t hurt anybody!”

Xichen lets out an uncharacteristically audible sigh at that and fixes Nie Mingjue with one of his Looks that always make the man cave. “Even if I could meet those terms I wouldn’t want you to go back to Qinghe. It’s been too long since we’ve seen each other.”

“Can we stay on task here?”

“We are. We are waiting for someone to leave the Burial Mounds so that we may approach them in town rather than appearing threatening by attempting to infiltrate their settlement on the mountain. There is nothing to do now but be patient. What about our current activities are not on task?”

“We need to use this time to strategize. Plan. Things may go wrong. We may need to protect Wangji, he may need to protect either of us. We don’t know what we’re in for.”

“Mingjue.”

“Xichen.”

“This is not a battle, nor a war. We are approaching a young man – a young man Wangji trusts - who hasn’t done anything dangerous in a year so that we may invite him to a family event. Please sit down and relax.”

Nie Mingjue finally stops his pacing to turn a betrayed glare on Lan Xichen, but as with Lan Wangji he’s well used to absorbing Nie Mingjue’s frustration and neutralizing it with the soft, reassuring lines of his smile. Nie Mingjue has never been able to stay angry with him – or even near him – for longer than a few heartbeats anyway, and Lan Xichen watches the tension bleed from his broad shoulders with his next blustering exhale.

“Wangji believes that our presence may alarm the inhabitants of the Burial Mounds should we be allowed to enter their wards. You will need to remain calm in such a case so that we can show that we bear them no ill will.”

“Speak for yourself,” Nie Mingjue grumbles and Lan Xichen’s heart aches a bit for Nie Mingjue, so level-headed when it matters but so hot-headed when it shouldn’t. Nie Mingjue meets his gaze and then groans, covering his face with both hands and tipping his head back a bit as he says, slightly muffled, “Don’t give me that look, Xichen, that’s not fair. How do you always know how to get your way?!”

“It would be significantly harder to have my way if you didn’t know in your heart that I’m right. This is a delicate situation, Mingjue, we can’t let past anger cloud our judgement now. Wangji has been here before and he says that what’s going on here isn’t what everyone says it is. We’re only here to keep him safe on his errand and see things for ourselves, alright? Now is not the time to declare the continuation of Jin Guangshan’s blood feud with the Wens.”

“Yes, fine, fine! I’ll keep my thoughts to myself.”

“And no glaring.”

“Xichen!” Nie Mingjue manages an affronted look for only a scant moment before it too fades into grumbling acquiescence as he resumes his pacing. “Fine. As little glaring as I can manage.”

“Thank you.”

“Uh-huh.”

“I love you.”

“Xichen!” Lan Xichen laughs softly to see Nie Mingjue’s blush overtakes his handsome features, turning his entire face a lovely shade of red as he splutters his way through returning the infrequently-expressed sentiment and accepts kisses that thoroughly distract him from any lingering anger.

It takes two full days of waiting before Wangji suddenly stands and strides off right in the middle of their morning meal. The behavior is so unusual that Lan Xichen is instantly worried, though as he stands to follow – with Nie Mingjue hot on their heels – he relaxes ever so slightly to see that Lan Wangji is heading straight for a young man Lan Xichen recognizes dimly as Wen Qionglin. He reaches out instinctively to rest a restraining hand on Nie Mingjue’s arm when he feels the man tense next to him, but though the Ghost General looks a little wary upon spotting Lan Wangji he doesn’t look hostile. In fact, he looks as timid and soft-spoken as he had when Lan Xichen had seen him during the lectures in Cloud Recesses. The only hint that he can see that something is different than it was then is the pallor to his skin and, just barely visible through the curtain of his mostly-unbound hair, thin spiderwebs of black cracks on his neck that creep up towards the underside of his jaw.

It takes some convincing from Lan Wangji before Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue are allowed to approach, and then further convincing from Lan Xichen before Wen Ning agrees to let them all come up the mountain. He takes the invitation Lan Wangji presents with gentle, steady hands and holds it as gingerly as one would expect someone to hold little Jin Ling himself, and once again Lan Xichen finds his heart aching – this time for the cruelty of the world that always seems to touch the gentlest of souls.

The trek up the mountain is slow and hot, but the further they get from the town the colder things get. The sensation of the sun on his skin is still there, but it somehow brings him no warmth. The shade cast by the twisting, barren limbs of the trees seems wan and thin, and yet the chill he feels in their shadows reaches into his bones with clawed fingers of dread. The soil becomes loose and dusty under their feet and before too much longer he can feel resentful energy crawling along his skin, seeking weakness. That sensation, at least, passes almost as soon as he notices it and he realizes they must have passed through the wards. Things grow, if possible, even more gray and sere from then onwards, though by the time he can begin to hear sounds besides the wind through dead, hollow trees there are a few with some life in them. A few gnarled leaves on some of the branches in the underbrush, a few trees bearing small fruits.

They pass the first field for planting before they see anyone to till it, though the next field has a figure bent to their task. They sit up straight to watch them pass and Wen Ning offers a little wave to the figure who nods back, wariness etched into every line of their posture. Lan Xichen chances a glance at Lan Wangji to find him facing staunchly ahead, fist held behind his back and his eyes glued to the invitation in Wen Ning’s hand.

“Wei-gongzi should be tending to his field this time of day,” Wen Ning says in his typical soft stammer as they approach what seems to be the heart of the settlement. There are more people around now, all going about various agrarian tasks with varying degrees of vigor. Lan Xichen is about to ask what he means by field when he looks ahead again and spots it, shocking in the gray landscape around them – a bright green space dotted with soft pink petals, and a man in shades of black and grey bent over it with his trousers rolled up to the knee.

It’s clear that Lan Wangji is aching to go to him but they’re stopped before they can go any further by a small young woman suddenly in their way, her feet planted and her arms crossed over her chest.

“Wen-guniang,” Lan Wangji greets with a salute as Wen Ning offers a quiet, “Jie..”

“A-Ning. What are they doing here?”

There’s a beat of silence that Lan Xichen abruptly realizes it’s his responsibility to fill, despite this being Lan Wangji’s errand.

“Wen-guniang,” he greets with a salute of his own that Nie Mingjue copies at his side a beat later. “Wangji has an invitation to extend to Wei Wuxian, and Nie-zongzhu and I agreed to accompany him.”

“An invitation?” At her prompting, Wen Ning hurries to hold out the document itself for her to take, which she does with another skeptical glance at the three of them before she opens it to read the contents. Lan Xichen watches her face for some sort of reaction to the news that Wei Wuxian is invited to Jinlintai, but if she has any sort of feeling about it she does an admirable job of hiding it.

“Wei Wuxian!” she calls without looking away from them. Lan Wangji’s spine stiffens and goes miraculously straighter, as if Wei Wuxian’s name alone is enough to electrify. The man in question waves a mud-stained hand in their general direction without turning around.

“What is it, Wen Qing? A-Yuan is playing with Popo right now.”

Lan Xichen glances up at Nie Mingjue at that with a question in his expression though he knows Nie Mingjue likely doesn’t understand that any better than he does. Nie Mingjue isn’t even looking at him anyway, as it turns out. Instead he’s looking around what they can see from where they are – a crumbling stone structure built into the side of the mountain. Crude wooden huts made from the subpar lumber available in the twisting dead forest around them. Tired farmers in clothes that look one hard winter away from falling apart. And over it all the pall of death and decay that’s inescapable in the midst of a field that had once been, as the name suggests, nothing but a hill of bones and restless spirits.

“You have…guests.”

Lan Xichen looks ahead again in time to catch Wei Wuxian whipping around so quickly he nearly falls off his perch at the edge of his ‘field’ of lotuses, thriving right there in the middle of the Burial Mounds, against all odds.

“Lan Zhan!” he squeaks, looking utterly shocked to see Lan Wangji, let alone him or Nie Mingjue. “What are you-“

“Rich-gege!!!” A tiny voice suddenly cries and Lan Xichen is startled to see a small blur come running from the direction of one of the other fields to plaster itself against Lan Wangji’s leg.

“Hello A-Yuan,” he says softly, almost too softly for Lan Xichen to hear, and he drops his hand down from behind his back to pet the top of the boy’s head, smoothing flyaway hairs back from his little face.

“A child, Mingjue,” he whispers, though the volume can’t hide his horror. This is the ‘band of Wen rebels’ the Jin Sect is so afraid of? This is who remains as the target of their revenge and hatred?

“I see him,” Mingjue replies quietly, jaw working with a little flutter of the muscles in his cheek. “I see them.”

“Rich-gege Xian-gege said you wouldn’t come back but you did!! Pick up, please!”

Lan Xichen wonders if it’s possible for his eyes to go any wider as Lan Wangji reaches down without hesitation to curl his hands under A-Yuan’s reaching arms and, heft him up onto his hip where the boy promptly clings and lays his head down, seemingly content to hug and be held.

“Lan Zhan what are you – what are you all doing here?” Wei Wuxian tries again as he stumbles out of the mud of his pond to traipse across the space between them, cleaning his hands rather ineffectually on his robes hiked up around his hips. When he draws level with Wen Qing she holds the invitation out to him with a look in her eyes that Lan Xichen can’t quite decipher. It’s the first time she’s taken her eyes off of them since she had intercepted them, and Lan Xichen is a little embarrassed to realize he’s relieved to no longer be the subject of her sharp attention.

“They brought you this. You can go see your sister.”

“What?!” Wei Wuxian scrambles to open the letter, eyes flying across the page as he reads whatever it was Lan Wangji had written – knowing him it’s probably as bare-bones as possible, conveying only the necessary information and nothing else. It doesn’t take him long at all to look back up from the page with suspiciously shining eyes. “Is this real?”

“Mn. It was agreed upon.”

“Jiang Cheng agreed to this? And Jin Zixuan?”

“Mn.”

For an alarming moment Wei Wuxian looks like he’s in desperate need of a place to sit, but he rallies quickly and all of a sudden his smile is absolutely blinding, the way it had been once when he’d been a younger, much more carefree teenager coming to study in Gusu. When his smiles had turned Lan Wangji’s ears red and made him glare daggers through whatever poor wall or floor or passing disciple happened to be in his line of sight.

“Oh. Oh wait come in, come in, you’re making everybody nervous out here,” he says with a laugh that doesn’t sound..entirely genuine, but another glance around the settlement proves that he’s got a point. The Wens are all watching them now, tasks forgotten in the need to watch for approaching danger. “Lan Zhan sorry about A-Yuan, he probably won’t be willing to let go for a while.”

“No need.”

“Aiyah. Fine, fine. Come in. Wen Qing and Wen Ning, you too. Come on, let’s go,” he says and just like that Lan Xichen realizes with amusement that they’re all being shepherded into…a cave. It’s a spacious cave, the dilapidated remains of the palace built into the mountain, but it is still effectively a cave. There are tables set up in what’s clearly a communal dining area and Wei Wuxian bustles ahead of them to swipe some accumulated dirt from a couple of the benches before gesturing for them to sit.

“Ah Zewu-Jun, Chifeng-Zun, apologies for my manners,” Wei Wuxian says with a salute for both of them that Lan Xichen is quick to smile away. “We’re not exactly ah…equipped for visitors such as yourselves, I’m sure you understand.”

Lan Xichen takes a seat at the table between Nie Mingjue and Lan Wangji, who has now transferred the child clinging to him to his lap where the boy sits looking at the two strangers to him with wide, curious eyes.

“Xian-gege, Rich-gege brought friends this time,” he observes and earns himself an affectionate ruffle of his hair from Wei Wuxian.

“He did! And they’re very important friends so behave for Rich-gege, alright?”

“A-Yuan is better behaved than you are, Wei Wuxian,” Wen Qing retorts in what Lan Xichen is sure is meant to be their usual banter, though it comes out flat and, if he’s not mistaken, too stressed for the joke to properly land. Wei Wuxian doesn’t seem to notice, or if he does then he is still adept at charging through any sort of tension with his usual charm.

“So rude, Wen Qing, we have guests,” he says with a little flourish as he finally takes his robes down from where they’re hitched up and pats them into place where they belong. It becomes even more apparent how threadbare they are with the full length of them on display. He sits down quickly enough and the Wen siblings move to stand behind him, arms crossed protectively over their chests though rather than looking intimidating, as he’s sure other people would find them, to Lan Xichen they just look…afraid.

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan says softly, and though Lan Xichen knows his brother well enough to know that there’s a whole thought tucked into those two words, he doesn’t know them well enough to know what those thoughts are. And that is strangely disconcerting, to realize that there’s an entire facet of his brother that he doesn’t understand anymore.

“Lan Zhan, not that I’m not pleased to see you, of course you know I am. But why are you here?” Lan Wangji flicks his gaze towards the invitation now stowed safely in the front of Wei Wuxian’s robes and the man rests a hand gently over it, though his resolved expression doesn’t waver. “This could have been delivered by post, or by messenger. The townspeople know Wen Ning, they would have gotten it to him if you had left it for us. Why did you come here in person? And - no offense Zewu-Jun, Chifeng-Zun, but..why are you part of this too?”

“Wei-gongzi,” Wen Ning speaks up softly, surprising everyone else in the room. “I don’t think you’ll be safe in Jinlintai.” It’s something of a non-sequitur but somehow the thoughts must be connected, and Wei Wuxian muster understand how they are judging by the way his entire demeanor changes into something much more alert.

Lan Xichen sighs softly as Wei Wuxian’s sharp gaze fixes on them, but it’s Nie Mingjue who speaks up first.

“Jin Guangshan wants your amulet.” It’s bold and barefaced in the way that Nies tend to be and though Lan Xichen is used to it, it still makes him feel a bit squirmy and anxious in the pit of his stomach to hear something so unpleasant laid out so plainly. Not that he’ll ever let it show, of course.

“Well he can’t have it. Next.”

“He thinks the Wens here are dangerous.”

“Clearly we’re not. Wen Qing, Wen Ning, and I are the only cultivators here. Besides, we’re barely feeding ourselves, let alone preparing to take on the Jins. Next.”

“Wei Ying,” Lan Wangji cuts in, and this agonized tone, at least, Lan Xichen recognizes.

He interrupts before they can begin any sort of argument. “Wei-gongzi. During the discussion of whether or not you should be present for Jin Ling’s celebration, Jin Guangshan presented concerns about both the amulet and Wen-gongzi. You can’t deny that these are valid concerns for those whom you consider to be enemies.”

“I don’t have enemies unless they make themselves my enemy,” Wei Wuxian shoots back, all trace of boyish excitement gone from his face now. “None of you were there that night in Qiongqi Pass. Did any of you even visit the work camps Jin Guangshan put the Wens in? Did you see, with your own eyes, the field of corpses they created because they knew that the cultivation world would turn a blind eye?” There’s ringing silence for a moment before he repeats his demand. “Did you?!”

“Wei Wuxian,” Wen Qing warns, low and quiet.

“If Jin Guangshan is so bored of watching over Lanling and sending his cultivators to protect the interests of his own Sect then by all means, create an enemy of me. I knew what I was doing when I took these people away and brought them here. I know what people say of me, and of the Wens, do you think I don’t? Words are nothing. Fear is nothing. But if someone acts against me and those I’m sworn to protect, can I not defend myself? Can I not defend them?!”

Lan Xichen curls his hands into slow fists on his knees under the edge of the table as Wei Wuxian makes a wild gesture in the general direction of the rest of the settlement, beginning to look desperate as he works himself up.

“You saw them with your own eyes. They’re just farmers, they’re just regular people, the kind that we’re supposed to protect! Popo plays with A-Yuan to keep him occupied while we work in the fields and Fourth Uncle makes wine from the fruit that grows here and everyone here is just trying to survive, yet you would rather see them all dead for the sin of having once been related to a man who has already been killed for his crimes?”

“Xian-gege,” A-Yuan says softly from his perch in Lan Wangji’s lap. Lan Xichen turns an agonized glance on him to find him reaching out for Wei Wuxian with one chubby little hand, his eyes still wide though now it’s with something like concern rather than the curiosity of before.

“A-Ning, take A-Yuan back to Popo,” Wen Qing instructs. Her brother obeys with a nod, reaching down for A-Yuan even as the boy tries to cling to Lan Wangji.

“Want to stay with Rich-gege!”

“I will come find you soon, A-Yuan,” Lan Wangji promises with something fierce and immovable in his eyes. “Go with Wen Ning.”

There’s a quick flutter of activity as the child allows himself to be carried away, and as Lan Wangji shifts his weight to get comfortable again Lan Xichen doesn’t miss the way he subtly positions himself a little closer to Wei Wuxian. It’s hardly noticeable, but it puts him on the same half of the table as Wei Wuxian and Wen Qing still standing behind his shoulder, and when Lan Xichen meets his brother’s eyes he knows precisely whose side he will stand on should it come to that.

He desperately hopes that it won’t.

“This invitation to Jin Ling’s celebration is a trap, isn’t it?” Wei Wuxian asks and unlike the boyish cheerfulness of before, or the anger of mere moments ago, his tone is now as cold and blank as the stones outside.

“No,” Lan Xichen protests, though it’s undercut significantly by Lan Wangji replying with a simultaneous (and much more convincing), “Yes.”

“Lan Zhan?”

“Jin Guangshan wants the amulet. He knows you will not miss a chance to see your family. He will demand you hand over your amulet and Wen Ning to show that you are no longer a threat to him, and if you refuse I do not know what he will do.”

“He just wants to destroy the amulet and the…weapon,” Nie Mingjue cuts in, gruff and clearly unhappy with the way things are going but it is, surprisingly, Wen Qing who rises to meet him.

“You can’t seriously tell me you buy that? That a man like Jin Guangshan can be handed something powerful and decide, out of the goodness of his heart, to get rid of it,” she snaps, eyes once again cutting and her hands clutched in her sleeves where her arms are crossed. “And that ‘weapon’ is my brother, who, in case you haven’t seen, is in full control of himself and his thoughts. He counts as one of us, and destroying him now would be to finish the murder that those guards at the work camp didn’t finish.”

An uncomfortable silence drops in the wake of her anger and in it Wei Wuxian rises slowly from the table to stand next to Wen Qing, his arms crossed over his chest as well. Lan Xichen can’t help but flick a cautious glance at the hand closest to the flute tucked into his belt but at least for the moment it doesn’t seem like he’ll be reaching for it.

“If you’ve come as nothing more than Jin Guangshan’s messengers then I’m taking you right back down the mountain, one way or another. I’m protecting these people, and that is not up for negotiation. You can tell Jin Guangshan that yourself.”

“Wei Ying-“

“Lan Zhan this isn’t directed at you. It’s them.”

Lan Xichen blinks slowly as he realizes that Lan Wangji’s subtle positioning hadn’t gone unnoticed by Wei Wuxian after all. Or, he supposes, it’s equally likely that Wei Wuxian simply trusts Lan Wangji. Despite their differences, their arguments, it’s possible that Wei Wuxian sees now how ardently Lan Wangji wants him to be safe. How far it seems he’s willing to go to ensure it.

“So what’s the deal, if we leave you keep Wangji here as leverage?” Nie Mingjue barks. Lan Xichen’s eyes go wide as he abruptly realizes he’s lost all control of this conversation and it is heading in a dangerous direction much more quickly than he could have expected.

“Lan Zhan is free to come and go as he pleases, he won’t hurt us. He allowed you to come here with him this time so I assume he trusts you to do the same. But if seeing the truth is going to do absolutely nothing to change what you want and what you’ll help Jin Guangshan accomplish in wiping the Wens off the face of the earth then we’re done here, and you will not be welcome back.”

Lan Xichen can’t deny the dread settling thick and heavy in the pit of his stomach, and only a small portion of it has to do with the resentful energy in the air. Wei Wuxian has proven himself time and time again as a formidable opponent, and while Lan Xichen doesn’t think that it’s necessary to see him as an enemy he knows that the majority of the cultivation world would disagree. It’s plain to see, though, that even should that be the case there’s no force on earth that could turn him aside from the path he’s on. He said it himself – his purpose now is to protect the Wens, and if the cultivation world sees that as a reason for him to die alongside them then he will.

“We’ll help you,” he promises. Rash, perhaps. Uncharacteristically sudden of him, perhaps. But it’s actually not really, in the end. Lan Wangji has been worried about Wei Wuxian ever since that banquet in Jinlintai and his disappearance with the Wens later the same night, and so Lan Xichen has been worried about his brother since the same moment. And not only that, but he still remembers Wei Wuxian as he had once been. Where now it seems everyone wants to paint him as a devil, as an evil mastermind, as a cruel and power-hungry tyrant amassing an army of the dead, all Lan Xichen can see is a young man whose heart has always been kind, who cultivates with evil things he can’t understand but who’s using it to keep a group of helpless people safe. It is not such a sudden change of heart for him to wish to see everyone around him treated well and fairly.

“Xichen,” Nie Mingjue says, startled by his declaration, but Lan Xichen puts a hand on his knee beneath the table, a silent promise to explain himself later.

“We’ll help you. The Lan Sect. What do you need?”

Wei Wuxian is staring at him, mouth hanging open rather comically, and so it’s Wen Qing who speaks up after a moment though Lan Xichen can see in her eyes that she doesn’t trust him yet.

“Food. Blankets for A-Yuan and for the elderly at least. And we want to be left alone.”

“These are the only demands you have?”

“What else could you possibly offer us, Zewu-Jun?”

“Fertile land,” Lan Wangji supplies, eyes beginning to alight with the first dangerous edges of hope. “Protection. Homes.”

“In Gusu?” Wei Wuxian cuts in to ask. There’s weight behind that question, a hostility, but when Lan Wangji looks at him all Lan Xichen can see is his desperation.

I want to bring a man to Cloud Recesses, his brother’s voice echoes softly in the back of his mind. Bring him there and keep him safe.

“It would not have to be permanent, necessarily,” Lan Xichen supplies, hand tensing a little more on Nie Mingjue’s knee when he feels the man shift restlessly beside him. “But it could be. None of this should have happened to you and your family, Wen-guniang. Will you allow the Gusu Lan to begin attempting to make reparations?”

Wei Wuxian and Wen Qing look at each other but whatever passes between them in their glances is beyond Lan Xichen’s comprehension.

“I will think about it,” she replies after a moment and Wei Wuxian turns on his heel to put his back to the rest of them, effectively hiding whatever expression he makes in response. “Come back in three days.”

It’s a clear dismissal and so Lan Xichen stands, Nie Mingjue at his side. Lan Wangji doesn’t move, his eyes fixed firmly on Wei Wuxian’s back, but he doesn’t seem to be included in the dismissal anyway. Wen Qing simply leads them to the doorway again where Wen Ning is standing patiently on the steps outside, likely to keep any eavesdroppers away.

“We’re escorting Zewu-Jun and Chifeng-Zun back to town,” she informs him and he falls in quickly at her side.

“Where is Lan-er-gongzi?” Wen Ning asks with a concerned glance over his shoulder. “Is he alright?”

“He’s fine. He and Wei Wuxian might finally be ready to stop acting like they don’t want to be together,” she replies so flippantly that Lan Xichen is suddenly grateful for Nie Mingjue’s hand at his elbow as he stumbles ever so slightly on the uneven terrain in response.

“O-oh,” Wen Ning stammers out and Lan Xichen is abruptly sure that if it were still possible he would be blushing. “Well that’s nice I suppose. Is Wei-gongzi going to go to Jin Ling’s one-month and see his sister?”

Wen Qing glances back at them at that, though what she’s measuring them for Lan Xichen isn’t exactly sure. “Whose idea was it to have him there?” she asks with a raised eyebrow.

“Wangji’s.”

“Oh yes then I daresay he’ll go no matter if it’s a trap or not,” she remarks so dryly that she actually gets a chuckle out of Nie Mingjue, which is startling to say the least. Lan Xichen looks at him, trying to gauge what he’s thinking, but he’s got his expression carefully locked into stern, unreadable lines. They continue on in silence down the mountain and back to their inn in the town. Only when the Wen siblings have departed and he and Nie Mingjue have retired to their rooms does he unbend enough for Lan Xichen to see that he’s deep in thought.

“Do you think Jin Guangshan truly means to destroy the amulet?” Nie Mingjue finally asks when Lan Xichen has waited him out long enough for him to speak his mind.

“In all honesty no, I do not. At least not right away, and power corrupts. We already know he is a man of vices, it’s no secret that power is one of them.”

“Can you really offer the Wens land and protection without consulting anyone else? The elders, your uncle?”

“It will have to go through more official channels I suppose to actually begin the movement – we’ll need to send resources to keep them clothed and fed while travelling and cultivators to keep them safe, after all. But yes, that is something I can offer them. I will make my case to the elders with what we saw here today, Wangji is my witness, and you could be too. They’re nothing but humble citizens who simply bear the curse of an unfortunate name through no fault of their own. So many Wens have already paid the ultimate price for what Wen Ruohan has done. There’s nothing and nobody in this last remaining group to be so afraid of that they must be eliminated. The only part that should worry the rest of the sects is that Wei Wuxian is at the helm, but their fear of him is slightly misguided as well. I believe once Uncle and the rest of the elders know the truth they will allow such peaceful people to live and work in Gusu.”

“Hm. Well alright then, the Nie will support you.”

That pulls Lan Xichen up short and he stares at Nie Mingjue with undisguised shock. Nie Mingjue at first only raises an eyebrow at him, but after another moment he exhales sharply and shakes his head as if bedeviled by a fly.

“I still don’t like the Wens but I can’t in good conscience lead them to the slaughter. If you want to protect them, then protect them. And I’ll protect you. Maybe we can finally take Jin Guangshan down a notch or two in the process, I definitely won’t be opposed. Nor do I think Jiang Wanyin will take much issue with it either, not if it can get him his brother back. And we already know Jiang Yanli will support anything that repairs Wei Wuxian’s reputation, and Jin Zixuan will support anything that makes Jiang Yanli happy. I’d say the winds are in our favor if we act too quickly for Jin Guangshan to counter it.”

Lan Xichen can still only blink as Nie Mingjue finally cracks his expression to smile ever so slightly and offer him a wink.

“You should have agreed to strategize with me days ago, none of this would have been so surprising, I thought it may become an option. Now it’s just up to Wangji to talk Wei Wuxian and Wen Qing into agreeing.”

“I believe he will find it in himself to be persuasive, and Wen Qing at least is quite sensible. I believe she understands their position well and knows that it is not sustainable for much longer. Or that even if it were, it would be better if their people could get the care and treatment they need to thrive, not just to survive. I believe they’ll agree.”

“Well we’ll just have to wait and see.”

Lan Wangji doesn’t return once during the three days Wen Qing asked for them to wait. On the morning of the fourth day Wen Ning returns for them to bring them back up the mountain where they find Lan Wangji kneeling in the dirt with A-Yuan perched happily in his lap chattering away to Wei Wuxian, who is sitting far closer than necessary to listen as the rest of the Wens bustle around them, hurrying from field to field at a much quicker pace than mere days ago. Wen Qing meets them again at the entrance to the main clearing, arms once again crossed over her chest as she eyes them up like a hawk studying its prey.

“We accept. We’ll all come to Gusu with everything we can carry to start things anew.”

And just like that Lan Xichen gains a new branch of his family in the most unlikely of places.

#the untamed fanfic #Wangxian #Nielan #Lan Xichen #Lan Wangji #Nie Mingjue #Wei Wuxian #Wen Qing #Wen Ning #Prompt fill #I hope this works!#@ everyone who's sent in a request over the last couple of weeks:#I see the requests I promise and I'm trying to come up with stuff to write haha #It's been a busy couple of weeks

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henshengs · 3 years

Text

some spontaneous xiyao fic about LXC’s fantasies

The token on his belt allows him to pass over the walls of the Jinlintai unaccosted, and the guards all recognize the white-and-blue robed figure, some lifting a friendly hand to him as he passes over their heads. He lights down in a small and private courtyard, where Lianfang-zun is waiting for him, smiling, sinking into a bow almost before Lan Xichen’s sword touches the carefully arranged gravel. Lan Xichen steps forward quickly, catches his friend’s arms and pulls him into a quick embrace. Jin Guangyao makes a small noise of surprise, but he doesn’t resist; on the contrary, he leans into the touch, sliding his hands up over Lan Xichen’s shoulder blades, tucking his head against Lan Xichen’s neck. “Is everything all right, Er-ge?” he murmurs when Lan Xichen lets him go. In the golden light of sunset he glows, his eyes warm honey, each strand of his hair a thread of finest silk.

“It’s just good to see you,” Lan Xichen murmurs back.

His face dimples as he smiles. “It’s very good to see you too, Er-ge,” he says. “A-Ling is so grown up these days, he doesn’t have as much time for his old uncle. And since A-Su passed, my days have been a little lonely. Come in. Have dinner with me.”

“I can’t impose,” Lan Xichen says.

“Er-ge, please,” A-Yao says. “Must you really be so formal with me, still? Eat with me. Favor me with your company.”

Xichen finds for a moment that it’s easier simply to smile and nod than to speak. A-Yao’s smile widens, and he takes Xichen’s hand, to lead him further into the garden, to a table set intimately for two. The food laid out on lacquered dishes all betrays a long acquaintance; it is more varied and indulgent than anything served in Cloud Recesses, but tailored to Lan Xichen’s personal likes and dislikes, each one diligently discovered over two decades of companionship. The garden smells overwhelmingly of peonies, but the scent of the food entwines with it pleasingly.

“Tell me about Cloud Recesses,” A-Yao says, as they eat. “What is everyone up to?”

“The same as always,” Xichen says. “Wangji and Wei Wuxian have returned from their night hunts. They say they have developed new items for Wei Wuxian’s class curriculum. Uncle is outraged as always. Sizhui has been taking on more and more duties. He’s been handling the responsibility excellently.” Xichen puts down his tea, and carefully lays down his chopsticks, before looking Jin Guangyao in the face. “You know Uncle and I recognized him as heir last month.”

“Of course,” A-Yao says. “You must be very proud of him.”

“I’ve been thinking of taking a leave of absence,” Xichen says. “It will be good for Sizhui to practice the duties of Sect Leader without me looking over his shoulder. And it will do me good to relax my mind for a while, I think.”

Jin Guangyao puts down his own chopsticks, laying them in very straight lines parallel to his tea bowl, and then picks them up, and then puts them back down again, perhaps in a fractionally straighter line. “Er-ge certainly deserves a break,” he says, so lightly that Xichen immediately knows he is hiding his true reactions. “You intend to cultivate and meditate, I take it? Have you thought about where you might go?”

Xichen breathes in, holds it for a moment before letting the breath back out. “I’d like to go wherever you are,” he says.

A-Yao’s eyes fly up to meet his.

“I had no plans to leave Jinlintai,” he says, and Xichen can tell it’s not what he really means to say, just something to fill the silence while he figures out what exactly Xichen means, where Xichen is going with this.

“I won’t impose indefinitely on your hospitality,” Xichen says. “And I know you are always busy. But I could night-hunt around Lanling, or perhaps teach some of the younger disciples, and stay in a boarding-house in town. And welcome as much of your company as you could spare. If you desired it.”

He can’t help but take pleasure in the way A-Yao’s perfect poise breaks, just a little, like a ripple passing over a glassy lake. It’s a hard thing to achieve, these days, and sometimes he feels nostalgia for the memories of their youth, when A-Yao was always an open book to him. He wonders if, with enough time and patience, he could study A-Yao as thoroughly as he once studied the Lan foundational texts, and come to know him so well he would feel each of A-Yao’s emotions as though they were his own. He knows that even then, A-Yao would always continue to surprise him.

“I always desire your company, Er-ge,” A-Yao says. He smooths down his robe, and pushes his bench back, and stands, smoothing the fabric down a second time. “Forgive me,” he says. “Allow me one moment to think.” He walks a few steps to a brilliantly flowering peony bush, and stands there a moment, back to Lan Xichen.

“A-Ling has been managing very well as Sect Leader,” he says.

Xichen tilts his own head down towards his plate, to hide his spreading smile, though it’s entirely unnecessary, with the only possible observer turned away from him. Still the habits of self-consciousness are hard to break. “I have heard only good things about his leadership so far.”

“He has excellent advisors. I haven’t had to step in at all in almost a year now. To be honest, my position here is fairly ceremonial.” Jin Guangyao turns,, and favors Lan Xichen with an elegant smile. “It is difficult to let go. As I am sure Zewu-jun is aware.”

“I can always wait,” Xichen says. “Forever, if need be. Or I can return to Cloud Recesses and we can speak no more about it.”

“Er-ge,” A-Yao says, his voice so thick with tender fondness that Xichen wants to close his eyes and drown in it, “I don’t want to make you wait one more second,” and he walks back to the table and leans down to cup Lan Xichen’s face in his hands, and Lan Xichen tilts his head up and closes his eyes. He wonders how many times he has kissed Jin Guangyao. The number must be in the tens of thousands, yet no instance has yet lost the slightest shade of novelty. He thrills at the thought of that number doubling or tripling in a vast expansive future.

“Let’s leave tomorrow,” A-Yao whispers into his ear. “But first-” his hands slide down to rest on Lan Xichen’s shoulders. “I want you to carry me to bed.”

This belongs to a category of acts which, they have both discovered, Lan Xichen very much desires but will never initiate without exhaustively given consent. Jin Guangyao has learned that asking for them both avoids the issue and excites Lan Xichen considerably. Lan Xichen needs no further prompting, and as he stands up he lifts Lianfang-zun up into his arms in one single motion. A-Yao smiles at him, fingers playing with strands of his hair and ribbon, and Xichen spins them around in the garden, once and then again, just for the joy of it. A-Yao slaps his arm lightly. “Stop it, you’ll make me dizzy,” he says, but there’s laughter in his voice. Xichen grins at him, and strides through the open doorway, into the smaller quarters the Sect Leader’s honored uncle now resides inside. They are still Jin, still luxuriously decorated in gold and cream, but simply, tastefully. Lan Xichen’s own paintings hold pride of place on the walls. The bed is more than large enough for two men, and Xichen sets A-Yao carefully down on it. A-Yao drags him down on top of him, and everything is cream linens and A-Yao’s hair and A-Yao’s hands.

“Wait,” Xichen says, and quickly seals his cultivation, the motions well-practised, quick, the familiar feeling of power set safely aside, like a vast burden lifted. He sighs, his body already relaxing, and sets to work on unfastening A-Yao’s outermost robe: this too is well-practised, familiar territory. A-Yao is patient and helpful, focused on their shared task, and the both of them are soon down to one layer, identically, anonymously white. Xichen thinks to himself, We’ll look like this when we’re just two wanderers together, and the thought is overwhelmingly heady.

“Did you really mean it?” Xichen asks.

“Of course,” A-Yao reassures him. “I can’t think of anything better than wandering the world with you.”

“We wouldn’t have to wander,” Xichen says. “We could buy a house in a town far away. We could give music lessons.”

“Anything,” A-Yao says, kissing his fingers before gently pushing him onto his back. “As long as it’s with you.” His hair cascades like a waterfall over his shoulders.

XIchen reaches up, and lifts up a strand of steel-gray among the black, letting it run through his fingers.

“Ah,” A-Yao says, embarrassed.

“You look very distinguished,” Xichen says. “But I think we should practice dual cultivation more often. I can’t let you become more distinguished than me.”

“That would be impossible,” A-Yao rejoins, and then sees something in Xichen’s face that makes his eyes turn soft, that makes him stroke Xichen’s face. “Don’t worry so much, Er-ge,” he says. “I promise to never leave you.” And he leans down to kiss him, among the cream-colored sheets and the candlelight, the air warm between them and heavy with the smell of arousal and the scent of peonies.

Xichen wakes up in the cold dark, to the smell of incense and fresh snow.

His brother finds him later in the room where the discipline whips are kept. The whips are extremely difficult to use on oneself. The angle is not very good, and so Lan Xichen has only succeeded in two solid lashes by the time Wangji discovers him.

“Brother, please,” Wangji says.

Lan Xichen stares at him with unfocused eyes, and Lan Wangji wonders if he is seeing something else.

#my fic #xiyao blogging

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