#john walker aint shit

[josephslittledeputy]

WIP... Oh shit, its actually Wednesday??

Tagged by @wrathfulrook @clicheantagonist @marivenah @cassietrn @the-silver-chronicles @socially-awkward-skeleton @direwombat and I thiiiiink that's it... sorry if you've tagged me & you're not on here, its been a hot minute since I've posted a wip wednesday & my memory is basically Swiss cheese

Tagging anyone who wants to self indulgently share a WIP! Feel free to tag me, I love to read new stuff :)

**Also terribly sorry in advance cause this turned out to be a bit longer than I thought it would be**

WIP 1: OG Verse - fun times with Celeste & Gabriel

He has to resist the urge to throttle her, lest he ruin the inside of his house filled with years of carefully handpicked items, ones he held a certain fondness for. "You ruined my life, Celeste. Or do you not recall?” "Your life?" She tilts her head in mock curiosity. "What life? The one where you were sent anywhere they told you to go, like some mongrel with a barely slackened leash?" “Excuse me?" “We can pretend otherwise. Keep up the illusion that your life was marvelous, picture perfect even. But we both know the truth, don't we?" She takes a step closer. “You were nothing but the High Council’s defanged pup. Cluelessly doing their bidding before I freed you. If anything, you should be thanking me." "Thanking you?" He clenches and unclenches his fist in an attempt to suppress his anger. "Hate me if you must, fight me even, but do it later. Right now we must get out of here. If they do not know where I am yet, they soon will. What do you think will happen once they realize one of their precious dhamphirs has been under their nose this whole time?"

Celeste truly is the nicest individual you'll ever meet :))

Including this little snippet from Gabriel's pov as well cause idk, I just really like it

Unbidden worry strikes him. He listens, waits, and when his ears pick up the sound of soft, even breathing he lets out a breath of his own. Celeste and the baby were still there, unharmed, perhaps even sleeping. It brings an odd sense of comfort, reminiscent of times long forgotten, times he didn’t want to remember. If he did, he’d have to remember what brought them to a halt in the first place and he had a job to do. Grief and old wounds had no place here, at least not at the moment. Kicking his boots off, he treks into the bathroom and gently closes the door behind him. It’s a simple design: Shower to his left, toilet to his right, and a sink with a mirror above it directly across from the door. Leaning against the sink, he ruffles his short, black hair that's shaved on the sides and traces his fingers over an old, faded scar. It runs down almost the whole length of his face, going over his left eye and stopping just shy of the corner of his mouth. Overlapping it is another, only this one goes across his face horizontally, over the bridge of his nose and from cheek to cheek. The only thing that remains of the old Gabriel are his blue eyes, once full of life and mischief, now faded and dull. Turning away from his visage, he heads toward the shower and turns it on, stripping down while he waits for the water to heat up. He doesn’t need a mirror to see the multitude of scars and tattoos that adorn his body. Aching for another drink—if only to dull his senses and lingering memories once more—he curbs the yearning and steps beneath the water.

WIP 2: They Watch From The Pews

Willa squirms, trying to dodge cold fingers that reach out to trace over the letters, caressing them with a sadistic fascination that makes her stomach curdle in disgust. Disgust quickly transforms into a desperation to get away once he finally reveals the knife kept hidden behind his back. “Usually I’d peel the sin off but… I think this will suit you much better, don't you?" Pressing the tip of his blade into her skin, he teasingly drags it across her skin. "Tell me, Deputy, how did you feel when you got the news of Samuel's death?" "Chipper." She spitefully answers with a sneer. John heaves a dramatic sigh and presses the blade down harder, prompting tiny beads of blood to bubble up as he traces over the letters of her tattoo. "You can make this easier for yourself, you know." "I've heard that before. Got me a bullet to the leg." "Because you ran. My men only acted accordingly." "Fuck you and your men, pussy." "My, what a mouth on you." He tuts and makes a deeper cut. Her teeth sink into the leather in her mouth, denying him the satisfaction of hearing her make a noise. Without pause, he moves onto the second letter, brows scrunched up in concentration as he goes over the lines again and again. It isn’t until he’s on the last letter that she finally breaks with a muffled groan. He stops, lifting his eyes from his work. “Comfortable?”

John & Willa are bonding so well. Truly, I think they're starting to get along!

[samwilsonsimp]

five requirements for being captain america

- broad shoulders

- pretty smile

- sassy shit

- heart of gold

- owner of bucky's heart

and that's why john walker was never captain america . in this essay I will

[lemonjae]

I'm just saying, how are y'all literally giving hype to everyone BUT sam wilson? if you check the wiki, hes not even on the popular pages. if you look for his name on here, or on twitter, or on instagram, it's 9/10 times someone that isn't him. he's literally the reason for the show. all the issues that he goes through -racism, microaggressions, feeling lesser than others, hate, etc- is showing through the fandom by people who just don't give a fuck about sam and it's angering.

this show literally wouldnt've happened without sam wilson OR anthony mackie, but yall aren't even giving him your appreciation. some of y'all are talking "oh, bucky should have the shield" or "sam was wrong for what he said to bucky" AS IF HE DIDNT GIVE UP THE SHIELD BECAUSE HE KNEW IN A WORLD OF RACISM AND HATE TO OUR PEOPLE, HE DIDN'T FEEL LIKE HE WOULD BE ENOUGH? AS IF HE DIDNT LITERALLY JUST GET RACIALLY PROFILED?

put some respect on his fucking name, man. that's sam wilson. he is just as good as a character as bucky barnes.

[killrockabill]

So, i just finished falcon and the winter soldier, and i gotta say i do t understand the extent of the hate for walker. Don’t get me wrong not a good guy, but honestly almost tragic imo.

He starts off as this kinda douche jock type who by no means would i enjoy an extended conversation with, but thats abt it at the start? With how strong the response was I expected him to be a bigot or something.

We see him EARLY on feeling the pressure of the title and admitting while its what he wanted he doesn’t know if he can be what people expect (hmm real life parallels)

He is polite enough to sam and bucky in the bulk of their early interactions and even points out that he gets why they don’t care for him. He overstep in a number of ways. He assumes that a smile and shield will automatically earn their trust and lashes out after it doesn’t work right away. He doesn’t just get that from them however he gets that on the job plenty too.

We bust his balls because he throws the title captain America around but like lets be honest its a badass title so in more casual convos can you really say you would t name drop here and there? Then the escalated situations at the end of the day hes trying to do a job. He’s like a new manager not getting taken seriously because hes new, yes, he does need to earn it but did he REALLY get an opportunity to? A job he’s not fit for and knows it. He talks about wanting to do the job ie be in the field because its what he knows and is good at. Hes steves monkey on the unicycle drawing at the earliest stages.

He mentions to Lamar that the medals they earned were for some fucked up shit. Which unfortunately isn’t uncommon in the military nowadays. He calls this out during his trial (is it a trial? Idk what youd call it) he wasn’t steve who disobeyed orders for the greater good he was a good soldier at the expense of being a good man. Is that ok? Does that excuse anything? No. Not even a little because of course not all vets are like that but its not like hed be the first and unfortunately not the last.

THEN his insecurities about not being able to measure up and do the job. He IS the job. There are plenty od people like that where the job is not just a job but a part of them and what do you do when thats slipping? How many of us were the smart or creative kid and found ourselves feeling inferior by running into set back after set back. What does he do to rectify this? He takes the serum. He takes it KNOWING it can change him. he doesnt just throw it back like a shot of whiskey. No, he passively runs it by his best friend and partner; his bucky. (The whole I’m the new cap and this is my emotional support bucky is a whole separate convo I’m not gonna get into) he mentions being afraid of how it could change a person. His friend who genuinely believes hes a good man and will do his best supports him (obvs not realizing this isnt just a hypothetical situation)

Then it happens, lamar is gone his rock the guy we see earlier in the show reigning him in when he starts to lose his temper or not see the big picture. Hes gone because john wasnt good enough. So his rock and best friend are gone hes pumped a chemical in himself that everyone knows amplifies everything good and bad. He was a time bomb that went off. From there he spirals we literally see a mental breakdown followed by an ass whooping. Hes fucked up at this point and fucked up is as fucked up does. Nothing during this time is acceptable but it was ...inevitable.

He is not a good person by default and it does not come easy. This issue is exasperated by his own inadequacy, the pressure of being captain america, loss both personal and professional. He doesnt have the luxury of fighting nazis eho are objectively bad. He’s fighting people who are themselves in a grey area. At the end we see a small embodiment of him where theres a truck of people who need saving and his target getting away, and what’s he do? Hesitate. Steve would never have hesitated but ultimately he chose tk try and save the people (and failed hmm more inadequacy. Personally i thing they should have given him the win but thats neither here nor there.) yeah he was out for blood and i cant say that if my best friend was murdered i wouldnt be either (also i wish they did more with “LAMARS LIFE DIDNT MATTER?!” Like maybe it would’ve been heavy handed but you know where im going with it)

Hes a man that the military failed. A good soldier at the expense of being a good man. He clearly wants to be steve but cant and if that aint tragic idk mang.

[sortagaysortahigh]

Yall do realize that this entire new phase of marvel is meant to focus on a multitude if social justice issues right???? People getting mad at Sam for not wanting to be captain America need to look at the bigger picture and literally understand the racial tones behind it. Like literally im tired of seeing the “its sama fault john walkers there!!!” Narrative bc bitch how? How is it sams fault that the government picked up some nationalist georgia hick and gave him the shield thats SUPPOSED TO BE IN A MEMORIAL MUSEUM. “He shouldve just filled the role! Its clear steve wanted him to!” Shut the fuck up bc honestly steve meant well and he chose Sam bc Sam has the heart for it but steve was dense when doing so-especially when his ass was from the 40s/50s when racism was casual as tf. That shit aint go away, and that much is evident in the show thus far. Even in episode one we literally see how Sam is only treated “well” when ppl recognize him as the falcon. His sister makes a comment in the bank and shes absolutely right. Tfatws is literally gonna paint the picture and show that even post blip the world atill has racism-esp America

[cardest]

Tennessee playlist

I’m going to Memphis! This is the mighty Tennessee - Memphis & Nashville playlist. You can’t tell the story of rock n roll without mentioning Memphis. Mississippi and Nashville, such a great history of music in this region. Chuck D hits things off with the ultimate introduction. Hit play here: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL-iHPcxymC1_X9nesbW37-9FNLiJWOQ1f

This playlist has it all. Soul, blues and rock n roll. We take a journey back to the beginning of country as well, with Nashville and finish up at Dollywood. Hope you dig it.

Tennessee - Mississippi - Arkansas

001 Henry Rollins & Chuck D - Rise Above 002 Clutch -  Devil & Me 003 Paul Simon - Graceland 004 Isaac Hayes - Memphis Trax 005 Scott Walker - Thats How I Got to Memphis 006 AC/DC - let there be rock 007 Johnny Cash -  Country Boy 008 Chuck Berry -  Back To Memphis 009 Jay Reatard - Gree, Money, Useless Children 010 Lukah - Black Dragon 011 King Curtis - Memphis Soul Stew 012 Rosetta Howard & the Harlem Hamfats - Delta Bound 013 Nots - In Glass 014 Pere Ubu - Memphis 015 Loretta Lynn - The Pill 016 Howlin Wolf - Smokestack Lightnin 017 Rory Gallagher - The Mississippi Sheiks 018 Crime and the City Solution - Streets Of West Memphis 019 River City Tanlines - Met You Before 020 Johnny Cash - Going To Memphis 021 Al Green - Get Back Baby 022 Kim Salmon & The Surrealists - The Zipper 023 Booker T & the MG - Melting Pot 024 Pussycat - Mississippi 025 Boswell Sisters - Roll On, Mississippi, Roll On 026 Aretha Franklin   - Muddy Water 027 The Cramps - Garbageman 028 HASH REDACTOR - Good Sense 029 Optic Sink - Personified 030 Angry Angles - Blockhead 031 Big Star - Thirteen 032 Memphis Jug Band -  Going Back to Memphis 033 North Mississippi AllStars - K.C. Jones (On The Road Again) 034 Bass Drum Of Death -  Bad Reputation 035 Today Is the Day -  The Devil's Blood 036 Walk the Line Soundtrack- Get Rhythm 037 Jack White -  Temporary Ground 038 Jerry Lee Lewis - A Damn Good Country Song 039 The Homemade Jamz Blues Band - Rumors 040 Saving Abel - Pine Mountain (The Dance of the Poor Proud Man) 041 The Oxford Circle - Foolish Woman 042 Bobbie Gentry - Greyhound Goin' Somewhere 043 Reigning Sound - A Little More Time 044 NINA SIMONE - MISSISSIPPI GODDAM! 045 Laurie Anderson - Hiawatha 046 Glen Campbell - Burning Bridges 047 Dolly Parton - Hillbilly Willy 048 Elvis Presley - Guitar Man 049 Blue Oyster Cult - Divine Wind 050 Sammy Hagar - Halfway To Memphis 051 Izzy Stradlin   - Memphis                       052 Johnny Cash -  Run Softly, Blue River 053 Iron Horse - Unchained 054 The Cramps - Human Fly 055 Faces - Memphis 056 Jack Oblivian - Rat City 057 The Cooters - Bustin' Loose 058 Mott the Hoople - All The Way From Memphis 059 Dusty Springfield -  Breakfast in Bed 060 Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds - Tupelo 061 Chicago - Blues In The Night             062 Crossin Dixon - Guitar Slinger 063 Strummin' With The Devil - And the Cradle Will Rock 064 Stray Cats -  Can't Go Back to Memphis 065 Elvis Presley - Suspicious Minds 066 Suzi Quatro - Can't Trust Love 067 Lost Sounds - There's Nothing   068 Ike & Tina Turner ~ River Deep, Mountain High 069 Neil Diamond - Memphis Flyer 070 Julien Baker - hardline 071 The Jon Spencer Blues Explosion - Memphis Soul Typecast 072 Isaac Hayes  - Groove-A-Thon 073 Otis Clay - Trying To Live My Life Without You 074 Tim McGraw - Don't Mention Memphis 075 Eric Burdon & War - Blues For Memphis Slim 076 Homemade Jamz Blues Band - Blues Train 077 Sweet Knives - I DON'T WANNA DIE 078 Cream - Four Until Late 079 Grateful Dead - Golden Road 080 Huey Lewis and the  NEWS - Function At The Junction 081 The Cramps - I Was A Teenage Werewolf 082 Jesse Winchester_ The Brand New Tennessee Waltz 083 Dorsey Burnette - Tall Oak Tree 084 Field Music - Time In Joy 085 Jay Reatard -  Blood Visions 086 The Rolling Stones - Honky Tonk Women 087 Quintron & Miss Pussycat  - Block the comet 088 Al Green - Let's Stay Together 089 The Mountain Goats - Getting Into Knives 090 Johnny Cash -  Tennessee Flat Top Box 091 Robert Pete Williams & Robert “Guitar" J. Welch - Mississippi Heavy Water Blues 092 MARY JAMES - MAKE THE DEVIL LEAVE ME ALONE 093 Ministry - Mississippi Queen 094 U.S. Bombs - Rocks in Memphis 095 Nazareth - Jet Lag 096 The Bar-Kays - Holy Ghost 097 Ty Segall - Despoiler Of Cadaver 098 His Hero Is Gone - Like Weeds 099 Jerry Lee Lewis - Memphis Beat 100 Generation X =  King Rocker 101 The Doobie Brothers - Wild Ride 102 Bad Company - Whiskey Bottle 103 Black Stone Cherry - When The Weight Comes Down 104 Buddy Miles - Memphis Train 105 Memphis Slim - Rockin' The House (Beer Drinkin' Woman) 106 David Clayton Thomas  - Wish The World Would Come to Memphis 107 Lost Sounds - Better Than Somethings 108 Alice Cooper - Ubangi Stomp 109 Tom Waits -  Don't Go Into The Barn 110 Hank Snow - Music Makin' Mama From Memphis 111 Phil Ochs - Heres to the State of Misssippi 112 Reigning Sound  - Your Love Is A Fine Thing 113 Pixies -  Letter to Memphis 114 Bob Dylan - Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again 115 The Colorblind James Experience - Considering A Move To Memphis 116 B.B.King - Rock Me Baby 117 Carla Thomas - B-A-B-Y 118 Aquarian Blood - A Love That Leads To War 119 Nights Like These - Scavenger's Daughter 120 Rufus Thomas - Walking the Dog 121 Clutch -  The House That Peterbilt 122 Lyal Strickland - O Arkansas 123 Don Bryant - How Do I Get There 124 The Sensational Barnes Brothers - Trying To Go Home 125 Squirrel Nut Zippers - Memphis Exorcism 126 Faster Pussycat - Tattoo 127 The Rolling Stones - Memphis Tennessee 128 Alcatrazz -  Sons And Lovers 129 Evil Army - Violence And War 130 Deep Purple - Somebody Stole My Guitar (Purpendicular 11) 131 Dwight Yoakam - Guitars, Cadillacs 132 UFO - Natural Thing 133 Thunderbridge Bluegrass Boys - Tennessee 134 Confederate Railroad - Queen of Memphis 135 The Box Tops - The Letter 136 Jerry Lee Lewis - Night Train To Memphis 137 Reverend John Wilkins - Trouble 138 Phil Lynott - Kings Call (feat. Mark Knopfler) 139 Old Crow Medicine Show - Motel in Memphis 140 Candy Lee- Here in Arkansas 141 Pharoah Sanders - You've Got To Have Freedom 142 Molly Hatchet - Mississippi Moon Dog 143 Rwake - Crooked Rivers 144 CARL PERKINS & PAUL SIMON - A Mile Out Of Memphis 145 Eddie Floyd - Knock On Wood 146 Al Green - Talk to me 147 Mush - Eat the Etiquette 148 PJ Harvey - Memphis 149 EX-CULT  - Clinical Study 150 Isaac Hayes  - Mans Temptation 151 Lil’ Jon & Eastside Boyz - Rep Yo City 152 Rufus Wainwright - Memphis Skyline 153 Stray Cats - 18 Miles to Memphis 154 Amasa Hines - Earth and Sky 155 Joe Henderson -  Back Road 156 Bastard Sons of Johnny Cash - Memphis Woman 157 Norma Jean - Memphis Will Be Laid To Waste 158 Fess Parker - Ballad of Davy Crockett 159 Assjack -  Redneck Ride 160 Brother Andy & His Big Damn Mouth - Social Lube 161 The Replacements - Alex Chilton 162 Ann Peebles - The handwriting is on the wall 163 The Highwaymen -  Big River 164 The Cult - Memphis Hip Shake 165 STEVE EARLE -  Hillbilly Highway 166 The BO-KEYS featuring OTIS CLAY -Got To Get Back 167 Rush - Tom Sawyer 168 Class Of '55: Memphis Rock & Roll Homecoming - Birth Of Rock And Roll 169 Hank Williams Jr - Memphis Belle 170 Sam Moore & Dave Prater - Soul Man 171 Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark - Bloc Bloc Bloc 172 Kenny Rogers & The First Edition  - Just Dropped In 173 Linda Heck - pictures of dead people 174 Carla Thomas - Sugar 175 Three Mafia 6 - Mystic Stylez 176 Osborne Brothers- Rocky Top 177 The Beverly Hillbillies Theme Song 178 Wilson Pickett - Barefootin' 179 Dolly Parton - Jolene 180 Charlie Daniels - long haired country boy 181 The Civil Wars - From This Valley 182 Jill Jack - Gettin' On In Memphis (The Elvis Song) 183 Huckleberry Finn and His Friends - Opening title 184 Dead Cross -  Skin of a Redneck 185 Johnny Cash - I Never Picked Cotton 186 Old Crow Medicine Show -  Wagon Wheel 187 Isaac Hayes  - That love feeling 188 Aretha Franklin - I say a little prayer 189 Little Milton - What Do You Do When You Love Somebody 190 Howlin' Wolf - Spoonful 191 Weird Al" Yankovic - Money For Nothing / Beverly Hillbillies 192 The Oblivians - I'll Be Gone 193 OT Sykes - Stone crush on you 194 The Mad Lads  - Come closer to me 195 The Box Tops - Choo Choo train 196 Bobby Blue Bland - dreamer 197 Wanda Jackson - Rip It Up 198 Junior Parker - Love Ain't Nothin' but a Business Goin' On 199 The Nightingales ft. Tommy Tate - Just a Little Overcome 200  The Louvin Brothers - Satan is real 201 Overture "Big River" - (1985 Original Broadway Cast) 202 Ike & Tina Turner - Shake 203 Playa Fly - fly shit 204 Adia Victoria - Different Kind Of Love 205 Grateful Dead - Tennessee Jed 206 Red Hot Chili Peppers - Backwoods 207 Otis Redding - Tennessee Waltz 208 Nashville Pussy - The Late Great USA 209 The Paperhead - The true poet 210 Tomahawk - South Paw 211 Night Beats - Her Cold Cold Heart 212 Forest of Tygers - human monster 213 LOSS - All Grows on Tears 214 Charlie McCoy - Wayfaring Stranger 215 Dick Stusso - Modern Music 216 Eddie Noack - Aint the Reaping Ever Done 217 Jason & the Scorchers - Greetings From Nashville   218 Jasmin Kaset and Quichenight - A Single Right Word 219  Gospel Keynotes - Give Me My Flowers 220   WEEN - Scrape the Mucus off My Brain 221 Shannon Shaw - Broke My Own 222 The Jesus Lizard - Blue Shot 223 Eddy Arnold    - Tennessee Stud 224 Clutch - Pure Rock Fury 225 Today Is The Day -  Who Is The Black Angel? 226 Hank Williams Jnr - Tennessee River 227 The Dead Weather -  Bone House 228  Every Mother's Nightmare - Long Haired Country Boy 229 Motley Crue - She goes down 230 Waylon Jennings - Tennessee 231 Dolly Parton - Down On Music Row 232 Jello Biafra & Mojo Nixon - Lets Go Burn Ole Nashville Down 233 The Byrds - Nashville West 234 Sharon Van Etten - Every Time the Sun Comes Up 235 Bill Anderson ~ More Than A Bedroom Thing 236 Dottie West - Route 65 To Nashville 237 Intruder - The Martyr 238 Johnny Cash - Smiling Bill McCall 239 Lynard Skynyrd - Workin For MCA 240 The Everly Brothers  - Nashville Blues 241 Nancy Sinatra & Lee Hazlewood - Elusive Dreams 242 Nashville Bluegrass Band - Im Gonna Love You 243 Ringo Starr - No-No Song 244 Hank Williams - Hey, Good Lookin' 245 The Lovin Spoonful - Nashville Cats 246 They Might Be Giants - James K. Polk 247 Commander Cody  -  Back To Tennessee 248 Wanda Jackson - Shakin' All Over 249 Nitty Gritty Dirt Band - Grand Ole Opry Song 250 Tomahawk - Flashback 251 Megadeth -  Dystopia 252 Dolly Parton -  Train, Train 253 The Clovers - One Mint Julep 254 Trampled By Turtles - Whiskey 255 Tom T. Hall - Nashville is a Groovy Little Town 256 Muddy Waters - I am the blues 257 Foo Fighters - Congregation 258 Pavement - Strings Of Nashville 259 Joe Ely - Tennessees Not The State Im In 260 Waylon Jennings - Nashville Bum 261 The Charmels - As Long As I Got You 262 Eve Maret - Do my thing 263 SABATON - 82nd All the Way 264 Halfway To Hazard - Welcome To Nashville 265 Nashville Pussy - Go Motherfucker Go 266 Indigo Girls - Nashville 267 Snarls - Walk In The Woods 268 Steeler - Cold Day in Hell 269 Strummin' With The Devil  - Jamies Cryin' 270 spazz gummo love theme 271 The Cramps - Cornfed Dames 272 Saxon -  Solid Ball Of Rock 273 Al Green - Tired of Being Alone 274 Soul Friction - It's Out Of My Hands 275 Today Is the Day - Wheelin' 276 Jackie Lynn - Odessa 277 The Jesus Lizard - Nub 278 Bully - Where To Start 279 Sonny Boy Williamson II - Lonesome Cabin 280 Tomahawk - God hates a coward 281 The Louvin Brothers - Knoxville Girl 282 Tom Waits - Jitterbug Boys 283 The Evil Dead Soundtrack  - Bridge Out 284 Wanda Jackson - Thunder On The Mountain 285 Elvis Presley - Where Do I Go From Here 286 Booker T & the MGs - Back Home 287 Ezra Furman & the Harpoons - American Highway 288 Joe Ely - dream camera 289 Assjack - Tennessee Driver 290 Nashville Pussy  - We Want A War 291 Dwight Yoakam - A Thousand Miles From Nowhere 292 Hank Williams, Jr. - Knoxville Courthouse Blues 293 ZZ Top - My Head's in Mississippi 294 Nitty Gritty Dirt Band -  Honky Tonkin' 295 Dead Weather - Die by the Drop 296 The Black Belles - What can I do 297 Dolly Parton  - Cowgirl And The Dandy 298 The Secret Sisters  - I've Got a Feeling 299 Justin Townes Earle - Aint Got No Money 300 Tomahawk - M.E.A.T 301 Jex Thoth - The Places You Walk 302 Bill Carter - Road To Nowhere 303 Bill Dees (Roy Orbison back vocals) - Tennesse Owns My Soul 304 Karen Elson  - The Ghost Who Walks 305 The Who - Whiskey Man 306 Hank Williams III - Crazed Country Rebel 307 The Lost Sounds - I Get Nervous 308 Big Star - September Gurls 309 ZZ Top - Whiskey n Mama 310 Johnny Cash - God's Gonna Cut You Down 666 Isaac Hayes - Hyperbolicsyllablecsesquedalymistic

Hit play: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL-iHPcxymC1_X9nesbW37-9FNLiJWOQ1f

[lifesucksheres20bucks]

Thoughts I Had for Episode 4 of TFATWS

**spoilers**

- lets goooo

- im excited about Ayo, gimme 50 mins of Ayo pls

- THEY’RE IN WAKANDA

- JESUS BUCKY

- the showriters really said how maby times can we say those words to buck

- He cry

- Baby

- ily

- This is legit killing me

- My poor baby boi

- Def not crying

- Nope

- Flexing his wakandan okay bucky

- WHITE WOLF AGAIN

- Sugar daddy zemo again

- Good

- Bucky suddenly has an iphone???

- BUCKY IS LIKE LETS BE CLEAR WE ARENT FRIENDS WITH NAZI’s

- Titi

- How many times can we say titi

- Zemo bucky date

- Sam isnt the smoothest man to get info

- Dear god zemo

- Are you gonna murder people with that song

- Rip zemo son

- Zemo doing a better job than them

- Oop zemo no share

- Hot

- The little winter soldier theme in the background everytime bucky gets angry

- Ugh i love it

- Oop sharon

- Sharon is really cool

- A satellite or two

- Casual

- I have a feeling the sheild will be destroyed

- Ew walmart cap gross

- HE BROKE HIMSELF OUT TECHNICALLY

- TECHNICALLY

- BUCKY

- partner 💫💫

- Sam is the most qualified bb

- Stay away walker

- Casual 500 euro bill

- Rip momma donya

- Why is walmart cap panting like that

- Hes gonna fuck shit up isnt he

- Sam ily

- Bucky please patronize him

- I hate him so fucking much

- Walker don’t manipulate bucky

- I stg

- Its on sight

- Karli i get you but pls

- Can they team up and kill walker

- HAHAHAHAH WALKER WENT FLYING

- IF YOU HURT ZEMO I WILL PERSONALLY KILL YOU

- OH GOD

- NO

- WALKER

- NO

- FUCK OFF

- NOPE

- NOT HIM BEING THE LAST SUPERSOLDIER

- FUCK OFF

- Please kill captain america

- Im begging you

- Lmao zemo is a god bb

- Zemo is like i would never kill my sugar baby buck

- The arm

- God its so hot

- Oop

- Women saving the day

- Ayo is like no❤️

- Yass ayo tell him

- FUCK YES

- I KNEW I LOVE YOU FOR A REASON

- BUCKY IS ENJOYING THE SHOW

- my god this was a lot

- Fuck man i enjoyed see the dora milaje kicking johns fucking ass

- also bucky charging up his arm

- Fuck this was so hot

- Im ignoring the walker scene just thinking of the ass kicking

- I want to punch him so bad

- Boyfriend date

- Karli is like yall are nothing if i kill you its useless

- Fly boi

- He looks so fucking ridiculous with the sheild and his lil gun

- Useless

- Is lamar gonna die

- Aint looking too hot

- John is gonna kill someone huh

- Run run run

- Wtf how

- He took the serum

- Bitch

- Hot

- Stay there

- Wow

- Nice buck

- Knives are hot

- BUCKY WITH A FUCKING KNIFE IS SO HOT

- OOPS

- rip lamar

- OMG

- JOHN IN PUBLIC??????????

- HOLY FUCK

- SHIT JUST GOT REAL

- THE BLOODY SHIELD

- First of all i very much ship Ayo and bucky lmao

- The dora milaje were the best thing in this episode

- i have never wanted to kill john walker more

- Bucky in a t- shirt is something i need more of in my life

- So john was the bad guy all along🎶

- Also the shield with blood was oof that fucking imagery man

[milky-maid-library]

My reaction to Episode 2 (I’ll edit this along the way in case things change)

Wait John Walker...has a black gif? 👀 and a black friend? Y’all I thought he’d be a white hood racist... 👁👄👁

Oh I saw the band March in the trailer DAMN I THOUGHT THAT WAS GONNA BE SAM WTF

“A gUy LiKe Me” bruh stfu SKSKSKS there’s something sneaky about you him

OH NO BABY BUCKY WATCHING TV WITH THAT FACE NOOOOOOO he’s like “this mf don’t know my mans, stfu.”

Sammmmmm 😭😭😭 off to Munich? Noooo!!! BUCK YES YES YES BUCKY IS RIGHT

🥺🥺 “what do you want me to do” STEAL IT BACK BB

AAAA THE HOBBIT MEME

I love them both, their “get off your high horse” banter is the same energy Steve and Tony had and now that they’re gone it’s cranked up to 100 😂😂😂

Omg save the hostage 😳 😱 SHES so cute!!! Love interest for BUCKY 🤷‍♀️🤭😌

NEVERMIND WTF SHE REALLY JUST KICKED HIM OUT BRUH WHY WAS SHE in the BACK

REDWING NOOOOOOOOO 😭😭 KILL HER SHE BROKE FLYING BABY REDWINGG

Wtf John Walker PISS OFF MATE THIS AINT YOUR FIGHT

Ohhhhh here comes “that lil girl kicked your ass” meme skdkdk

Johns sidekick is ✨Useless✨

John knows how to work that shield tho... 👀😳 idk....I DONT WANT TO LIKE HIM WTF

And now we have gay arguments and walking 🥺💕 ....lol John be third wheeling sndndndn

Awww I can’t help but pity John 🥺 bruhhh he’s that kid that’s left out just cause ppl don’t like him.

Bruh Sam saves porn on redwing don’t hack it sndndnd

BUCK SMOULDERS YET AGAIN

Lemar Hoskins: you’re getting your asses beaten up

Also Lemar Hoskins: *five minutes ago getting his ass beaten up 🤷‍♀️ *

BATTLESTAR ARE YOU FOR REAL 😂

awwwwwww JOHN 🥺 John is baby

Miss “hostage” is Robin Hood.....👀 so is she a complicated villain/hero?

I bet that’s John Texting her 👀😱

Her named Karli

Karli is hot and I won’t lie...

Bucky is so hot with that voice “let’s take the shield.”....who are they meeting in Baltimore??????

Falcon really be educating the kids and I love that 💕 he is THE FALCON not black falcon.

Isaiah is king 👑 gave Bucky a ass whooping...skdkdk he stole his metal arm 👀 wise man. OH SHIT he’s a super soldier TOO!!?? 30 years of jail 😨 LEAVE THIS MAN ALONE AND IN PEACE 🥺

Oh shit...cops...wtf BRUH ITS THE FALCON !??? For fucks sake this is fucked up!!!

MDKDKDKD BUCKY GETTING ARRESTED ACTUALLY MADE ME LAUGH he said “fuck therapy I’d rather be arrested” dndndn

JOHN BRUH SWOOPIN IN TO SAVE THE DAY OMFG I love and hate him HES TOO PERFECT??? nooooooooooo I want him to be secretly evil CMON

Blinking challenge *begin*

Therapy got DEEP 👁👄👁 “if he was wrong about you what if he was wrong about me”

Oooooooo JOHN “stay the hell out of my way” 😳👀 that’s what I was waiting for- serious and mean tone 🤭

Karli 🥺 awwww I don’t agree with you but I pity you baby girl! Pls runaway!!! Go go go go!!! Holy shitttt they killed him THEY SHOT HIM DOWN

BUCKY HES GONNA CONTROL YOUR MIND NO STOP!!

God damn it....now I gotta wait until next weekkk

[deathbycaptainswan]

Im upsett!! Im just upsettt like damn John walker

If you just let Sam do his thing instead of rushingg now look how shit got out of control! Zumo is gone i dont freaking know where. Your partner is dead!! Which really Karli fault but yours too! You took stupid serum!! No he gnna go psycho especially since he was already unstable! And everyone recorded him killing that man! So everything is shit. Also love Wakanda warriors came in like Bam Bam lets go and John walker is like they aint even super soliders and they beat my ass and I’m like cause they badasss!!!!! Thats fucking why. Point blank! Just ugh

[applefia2036]

Rules : Answer 30 questions, Tag 10 blogs & post it as a text post.

I was tagged by: @red-sirion​, thank you!

1. Nickname - Fia

2. Gender - Female

3. Star sign - Libra

4. Height - 166 cm

5. Time - 21.49 as im answering this question

6. Birthday - October 3

7. Fave bands -  Dont have any favs, i just like whats new

8. Fave solo artists - Same as above

9. Song stuck in your head - Everybody's Talkin' - Harry Nilsson (its in a commercial they play all the fucking TIME i dont like the song)

10. Last movie watched - Hunter Killer (it sucked i turned it off)

11. Last show watched - Fortitude

12. When did I create my blog - June 2012 woah...

13. What do I post - Pretty things, interiors, funny shit, sexy shit well not so much anymore because sex is bad in america, movies, tv-shows and more.

14. Last thing I googled - What that song was called in question 9.

15. Do you have any blogs - Yes 4 side blogs, 2 invite only blogs ;)

16. Do you get asks - NO

17. Why did you choose your url - Mac using person + my name and the year when apophis might kill us, cute huh haha.

18. Following blogs - 291 i need to follow more

19. Followers - 956

20. Favourite colour - Green and white, gray, black for interiors 

21. Average hours of sleep - 6 ish on workdays

22. Piercings - Ears, i really want to get my nipple though

23. Instruments - Nope 

24. What I’m wearing - Pink longs johns and a blue t shirt (just got in this my workout clothes)

25. How many blankets do you sleep with - One duvet as you call it, we nordic folk aint sleepin with no blankets its not 1930 here.

26. Dream Job - I like what im doing now (carpenter, painter, handywoman) never had a dream job

27. Dream trip - Yo dick, but Vancouver is high on the list

28. Fave food - Smoked salmon 

29. Nationality - Finnish 

30. Current fave song - Lost Control - Alan Walker

People I’m tagging: @stormbrvkers @oldvictoria @not-that-kind-of-hot @yverocher @riepu10 @marrasquutamo and YOU if you want to do it.

[captain039]

the girl with the bow chapter 19 last part!

Daryl dixon x reader

Summary: Its time your gonna hit them with everything you got make them pay for everything they did wrong.

Warnings: Gore, light swearing, implied smut, character death spoilers? I haven't seen all of season 8 and none of 9 so I'm making it up 😂

It was time the horde in place the guns full ready to blast. You sat on your motorbike along side Daryl with Carol and Tara as you waited for the horde. She started counting down as the car exploded. Ten, Nine, Eight, Seven, Six, Five, four, three, two and one. Groaning echoed in the wind as the turned the corner. You nodded at Daryl as he nodded back you both drove off pistol in your hand. You shot the barrel as it exploded leading them. You finally made it to the end speeding off to Rick he nodded at you both.

"I suggest you surrender" He yelled anger flaring in his voice. No one did you all retreated as the men and woman came back to life attacking their own. You had them surrounded trapped inside. You looked at it in victory as everyone went away.

You and Daryl headed to the other outposts killing off any connections outside. You waited a day for Rick to return from his trip to the trash people, the didnt listen. You all went in silently killing them off one by one before their leader was left.

"Your decision" Rick said pulling the trigger as her body collapsed. You gathered all their resources you were conquering.

Night time fell and you all went out snuck in to the sanctuary killing off the main people before capturing Negan. You all stood guns pointed at him along with dwight by your side.

"Dwighty boy you break my heart" He said.

"Get on your knees" Rick ordered.

"Rick-" you shut him up shooting his toe.

"He said get on your fucking knees" You growled taking away his bat. Rick nodded as you brought him out limping in front of his people.

"We win, your leader is nothing, now you can come with us and we can work together build a future or you can die like the rest" Eicks voice boomed through the place. Everyone glanced at each other a few made a move but were shot to make a point. They listened as you all fought off the walkers giving them back their home.

"Y/n" Rick called you over as Negan was loaded into a truck.

"This is yours, you own this place and run it Daryl too this is your outpost but your always welcome home" You froze at his words.

"Rick I'm no leader" you said he smiled.

"You are believe in yourself" He said his voice kind you smiled hugging him tightly. He pet your hair seeing Daryl walk over, he called him over to. Rick said what he said to you Daryl was surprised he didnt run people but he would do anything to help you. Negan was left in a cell at the Sanctuary Rick trusting you with him. He only smirked and you swore you'd wipe it off his face.

The kingdom, Hilltop, Alexandria, The shore and the sanctuary grew into a large community everyone working together to make this work. You re-built the Sanctuary everyone want workers but they had jobs only treated more fairly. Soon enough you were surprised everyone looked up to you the young children always happy to see you. Daryl would watch from a far seeing you smiling helping with gardening and building. He still had an off feeling about it but he trusted you.

Months went by and things were right no one went hungry or with our anything, sure there was the occasional dumbass who fought to save Negan. You didnt kill them only sent them far away and swore if you saw them you wouldn't hesitate to kill. Maggie was heavily pregnant her bump clearly visible things were looking up.

You walked the grey halls the sound of laughter coming from some rooms, You went into the darkest part were Negan was his beard was grown and his hair untidy.

"Please I need to see her" He begged hearing footsteps.

"JUST KILL ME" He cried he was broken.

"No" you said sliding him water and a freshly made sandwich.

"Have mercy" he begged.

"You didnt so why would I?" you questioned he fell silent as you smirked in victory heading out. Your right hand man John came up to you with a letter. A run was going to be planned you were glad to get out as you packed leaving John in charge.

You rode with Daryl meeting Rick, Michonne and Carl. You were going to deal with the Walker problem that had arised. You got stuck though a large hole dug out by someone you fought off the massive group of walkers along with Carl and Daryl. You were covered in blood when you looked to Carl he held his side.

"Carl?" you said terror filling your voice.

"I'm fine" he lied a tear in his eye. You rushed to him lifting his shirt slightly seeing a bite.

"Carl no" You quietly begged sitting him down.

"Carl" you whispered he nodded trying to calm his breathing. Rick and Michonne finally turned up Rick rushed to his boy.

"Come on" He helped you all out sitting Carl in the back of the truck.

"I'm fine dad" Carl said Rick shook his head he wasn't. You covered your mouth resisting the erge to cry this was your fault. You all stayed with him his fever growing greater his skin flush.

"I'm so sorry" You cried looking at him.

"Its not your fault y/n" Carl said weakly.

"You were always cool with your bow along with Daryl" He smiled looking to you.

"The girl with the bow" He said weakly coughing Rick was frozen his emotions running wild. His eyes closed slowly his breath shallow.

"Carl" Rick's voice sounded broken. He stopped breathing as you wiped your tears quickly walking out not baring it. Daryl followed you stopping your trail. His arms went around your body holding you tightly as you cried. Carl reminded you of your brother some times his comics.

"Its all my fault" You sobbed.

"No it aint" Daryl said his voice rough you cried into the night before calming down. Rick had done it you apologised over and over he said nothing just went. Michonne hugged you tightly watching as Daryl chased after him.

You both act in the truck his body covered by a sheet.

"It wasn't your fault" Michonne said.

"He always looked up to you, you know? you were a bad ass bow girl as he said" Michonne smiled wiping her tears away quickly. You laughed lightly he didnt deserve this no one did.

You went back to Alexandria Enid was broken her boyfriend gone, everyone was hit with emotion. Judith cried in her dad's arm as everyone stood over his grave.

You went back to the sanctuary afterwards trying to push your feelings aside it seemed easier. Everyone gave you said or pitied looks you hated it. You went to Negan as always with his food.

"Shit heard the boy died that's rough" Negan said you grit your teeth sliding his food underneath.

"Was it your fault?" You froze at his questioned even now he taunted you. You stormed off running into Daryl.

"Hey" he said gripping your shoulders seeing you tense with anger and sadness.

"I wanna kill him" you gritted glancing at his door.

"We all do" he said you sighed looking at him. He was so handsome even in a shit world he was everything to you.

Later that night you ate in silence before you went over to sit on his lap he frowned his hands going to your hips. You kissed him hungrily he growled gripping your ass and up. You moaned into his mouth running your hands through his hair. He sat up taking you with him as he went to the bed. He laid you down kissing you with force. He ripped your clothes off as you threw his off. You rubbed against him as he attacked your neck with hunger. You moaned running your hands down his back you wrapped your legs around his waist pulling him closer. He slowed down his kisses becoming gentle you frowned as his grip lessened to a sweet caress. He kissed your lips gently before looking down at you.

"I love you" You froze at first did he? did he just say that. You smiled brightly hugging him tightly.

"I love you too" He smiled for the first time a real smile he kissed you gently, maybe this would all work out as a perfect world one day as long as he was here.

tags

@jodiereedus22

@sourwolf-sterek32

@nodistressdamsel

[matsitle]

ONE MUFFIN LEFT

Those damn CRC white devils again!  😡

But I had to get those muffins. I had to! I knew I had to get them soon as I started considering lesser taxing alternatives for my craving and coffee - like Romany Creams from the service station three minutes away. You see, I’m a serial victim of my laziness, something my mother always warned me about - ‘ga gona kgomo ya boroko’. My father too - 'o tla ja masepa a thaka tsa gago.’ (And ke a jele goed for a year-and-a-half). I always went for the low hanging fruit; and true to form it’s always the tholaborethe ee babang kha teng. Like with lovers - I always lie and say I don’t have a type. But I do: “disciplined intellectual beauty” as Immo Tech outlines. And I have a right to this, since I can also bring that to the table. But for my laziness. Or maybe like Kundera’s Mirek I suffer from a “weakness, that deprivation” of deeming myself “unworthy of anyone better than a Zdena.” A Zdena, in my case, would be anyone who doesn’t meet that Immo Tech rubric. I learnt through heartbreak that gwababa is dangerous. O tla feletsa o sunne masutlha! As such, I dared not give into gwababa once more, I wanted muffins. And muffins I would get! Come hell or high water. Or Bible thumping (never reading) devils.

So I finally convinced my body that we could get to the Engen garage in Brandwag no problem – some three or so kilometres away from my staff quarters. And besides, I stroked its arm gently, if we get tired we can always call a cab. It relented. But the tricky fuck I am, I “forgot” my phone on the charger. 😂 Cab se voet! You think money grows on trees ka bona. And it aint like there are women just waiting to drive a nigger. Haai! 😥 Chivalry is dead. Women these days; dikopa! I mean if a nigger is chilling in his shack, coffee brewing, mesmerised by its aroma, and suddenly he craves muffins – you would think (as any straight-thinking person would) that a girl will just drop by and say ‘hey, lemme take you for those muffins’. Mara kae? Kga!

So on foot we trekked. My body and I. Generally a useless gullible bag of healthy bones and sweet odour, but now and then redeems itself. Being cognisant of our fated-when as blacks, we took all necessary precautions to not fall victim of gratuitous violence, we took the safest path available. That is the roads littered with noble daughters of the streets. Because where there are prostitutes there are cops. Reducing crime. Prostitutes are keeping our streets safe. That is generally my use for them; and I compensate them for it too. When they ask “Rasta mphe two-rand,” I give them – there was one, ‘Lineo’, who was almost my friend, she walked with me once trying to avoid a rapey cop. And owing to my super-hero fantasies I revelled in being the Rape Walker. And ever since then she never missed a chance to shout “Rasturr” whenever she saw me. They’re an important part of the ecology of the city. 

Now enter these arrogant do-gooder fucks! Tjhessis!😠

I knew something was amiss when I turned the corner and did not see my people. I panicked even. In the far corner I saw a group of people. My eyes are not any more useful than the rest of my body but they did manage to discern that the people in that group were bulkier than the tiny frames that usually run these streets at night. They seemed to just be loitering. As I got closer I could draw up a clearer picture, a paler one. More disgusting than the black bodies that are up for sale day (male) and night (female) on these streets. I walked up to them with great pace – I might have even been angry, but they flashed that testicle chewing smile that disabled me. So I only got to ask them a banal, moot question. “Excuse me,” look at me being nice when I’m supposed to be raving mad *smh* “Which church are you from.” They answered. We left. I romanticised that encounter by thinking ‘at least this time I went to them, not the other way around’. See, I might be black but I have some agency. But I knew I had been castrated.

Now, I have no beef with prostitution per se. But I do have a problem with these women left with no option but to be on the streets. In as much as I have a problem with the men forced on the same street during the day. Prostitution is just a service just like any other – no different to a barber. You have your friend who can cut your hair for free, but there is also a professional whose labour and skill you have to pay for. Same with sex – it can be a billable service. But living in a capitalist patriarchal society, I know that (all) women’s bodies have already been codified as sex commodities. They have all been marked as available to the highest bidder. Which makes prostitution (as with all labour) unethical. That being said, I do not believe anyone has any right to deny women their freedom of forced choice to whore out their bodies to the bidder that will have them – be it mofeti-ka-tsela, moreki, mohlonolofatsi or mogatse. Even less so, the beneficiaries and perpetrators of this system that forces such choices down our throats.

This is what I meant to bring to light to these landthieves – with all the rage I could muster. But I only managed to ask them where do they wash their dirty hands off the blood of black people. Nicely le teng. My body was kind enough to carry me away from my shame. I had failed dismally to exercise the greatest power of them all – the power to pose the question. “If you want to save them, instead of disrupting their livelihoods, #BringBackOurLand you fucks!” ~ I didn’t say that. They were so white. So pure. So innocent. Smiling. They even offered to help me. With what I dunno. “Which church are you from,” is all I could mutter in the face of such provocation. 

The woke kids are onto something; black men aint shit! “Make me numb Nelson”, I don’t want to feel this rage that just never boils over to anything. Fuck I am not even a fuckboy. I don’t turn to the bottle. Kgosietsile said this is where all failed revolutionaries end up – ‘tween warm thighs and/or the bottle. Dostoyevsky did say everyone must have somewhere to turn to. Maybe, (I smile – my feet pick up the pace. Away from the corner of castration they take me. Away!), maybe that I have no escape means that I am still a revolutionary. Or maybe (my heart sinks, feet still in pace. Away! Away!), maybe I was never one; hence I suffer no vertigo, no litost. 

But fuck that! Positive thinking. I am a revolutionary. I am not Mdu. I can’t be. Dostoyevsky a re Mdu’s lies prevent him from loving – and I can’t live without loving, giving “way to passions and course pleasures” or sinking to the bestiality of my vices.  “Ndiyakholwa kuyw’ ihambo yam, ndizoy’mela nangamax’ anzima.” My credentials speak for me. This is my third encounter with these unsettlers. And on the other two occasions, I had clarified them. Goed nie bietjie! 

The first time I was with Neo, we were walking at great pace from the theatre. High on intellectual banter octane. So when we saw these people usurping our sisters’ corner, their land, their real estate (location! location! location!), we got angry. The proper patriarchs we are, we took it upon ourselves to protect ‘our women’. We didn’t even care to ask the one lady a few meters away carrying on with her business besides this white inconvenience if she needed any advocacy from us, we assumed it. What do women know about fighting whiteness anyway? After the thirty to forty-five minute lecture, I reasoned away my knight-in-shining-armour fuckery by telling Neo that at least we took away time from these devils that they would’ve otherwise used to disturb the women’s business (probably done on behalf of some man – be it pimp or husband or son). Kanye kana what do the ancient Nigerians say? Every man can defend his fuckyness? 

In the second encounter too I was not as cowardly as with this latest one. I was with my BAF, whom the know-it-all toenails of Satan mistook for a whore and me her John (well…🤔…but a re tlogele ditshele). That time too, although somewhat restrained by vodka and the pressure not to embarrass ‘the missus’ by launching a full-frontal attack on religion (something she subscribed to), I let them have it. So all in all I have a good record against these arrogant ignorant irritants. Tonight was just a bad day in the office. I still have no need for the bottle or warm thighs!😪

Buoyed by this warped reasoning I reached Woolworths in no time. Its doors wide open on the stroke of midnight. Oh god how I love open things at night! I went in and was welcomed by various bouquets of flowers. I have been meaning to get myself one. But I don’t have a vase. And R240 is a lot of money. I can’t justify that spend when I am not willing to spend R40 to give my rapidly numbing feet respite. This line of reasoning also prevents me from buying a tiramisu cake and the Mail & Guardian newspaper – my feet are not any less important than my taste buds or toilet reading. 

There’s only one tray of muffins left. I grab it lest these usurpers of land invading the store barefooted do. My feet could do with the coolness of these tiles actually – but I decide against taking off my shoes. Anyway the aisles are too narrow, I can’t exactly sit on the floor and read the newspaper for free. Why aren’t there any libraries open at night? I really feel like reading up about something I don’t know. Maybe anthropology. 

My feet feel like they’re swelling up inside my shoes; all these unavailable options I’m considering seem to be making my body snobby. The last tray of muffins are chocolate muffins. No lemon poppy-seed. I walked all the way here to not get lemon poppy-seed muffins. I’m glad for the ginger biscuits though. I look around a bit, even in the toiletries, to check what else I will not be getting. My feet send though an order; but a cab is also one of the many things I will not be getting. I have already denied myself so much on its account. If I don’t respect my own decisions who will? Besides if we take a cab how will I exact my revenge on those crackers? I can’t backtrack now.

I must trek back now. Hopefully those Be Good’s will still be there. Then I will surely give them a piece of my mind. Raw black rage. Got the speech all mapped out and shit. So I commission my body to do the work of shame; walk (a man who walks is shameful, carless women don’t tire saying. 👀 Go figure!). It does not have much of say. That is until we get to Westend – it slows down and lets me know that it knew about my little secret all along 😯; leaving the phone behind so that we would have no option for a cab. But here are cabs lined up next to the club, it pleads, surely we can take up one. I am always open to be convinced, so I hear it out. It continues with its passionate plea. I also hear something else. Or rather I eavesdrop on a conversation of a diva and her friend. I know that she’s a diva because that’s what the story I hear is about.

“Yoh friend I just had the most amazing orgasm ever,” that’s what piques my interest, the horny pervert I am. And also how I got to know that the other girl was her friend, see? I don’t just assume relations between people without evidence.

“Tlo ka tsona mati,” the other girl eggs her on. Again proving my suspicion that they are friends.

“So this guy stands next to me at the bar as I was trying to get drinks, and I have been struggling to get the barman’s attention. But he manages to. Men! But anyway after he orders he asks me what would I like. I brush him off and order my own drinks. Then he says “you can have whatever you like.” Sings it actually. Quietly in my ear. I mean boundaries! But he’s got the sweetest singing voice. I dunno what comes over me but I say “you.” We’ve already paid for the drinks that are still being prepared. He just walks away. Then turns back and asks me what am I waiting for. I roll my eyes but he stretches out his hand almost irritated, his eyes smiling. Girl I just lose it and he leads me out of the club. We go to his place. He tells me he saw me perform, actually gives me a raving review as he undresses. His voice is so so calm. He’s completely naked and flaccid. I can’t take my eyes off his thing. You never really get to see flaccid ones as often. He just goes on to describe my performance in great detail. Comes closer and starts undressing me. I’m totally naked. Wet and sad. Sad coz I thought performing was the best feeling ever, but this guy makes me realise that seeing me perform is way better. I’m just standing there perplexed. He sits flat on the floor. Then scoots on under me. Like he’s eye level with my dingese. Then starts kissing it all over. He tilts his head back and starts tonguing me. I grind on his nose. But I figure his neck must be getting tired. I mean you can see the veins popping out and all. So I pull away and kneel to kiss him. I taste so good on him! I get up and he gets up with me. Leads me to the bedroom, all the while continuing his appraisal. He tells me I’d be great with just a talented pianist doing the blues. I push him to the bed, he’s still flaccid. I don’t care. My tongue will resurrect him. I am about to teabag him when he says “sing for me.” I lay my head on his chest, his heart is racing, I listen to it to find a melody. I start singing. He starts humming along. In pauses. A deep throatily baritone. Soon we are in sync. I’m in another world completely. On stage. With a bass player. Just the two of us. No audience. He plays and I sing. Completely independent of each other. But in sync. Then suddenly there’s an audience of one. Me. I see myself perform. I am so happy. I sing my heart out. On stage. And I scream my lungs out. In the audience. I don’t see the bassist anymore. But there’s a subtle baseline that is a canvass to my melodic painting. As I reach the crescendo on stage I cannot hold myself in the audience and just let rip my ecstasy. Suddenly the private performance has filled up the dome. The stage is a full orchestra. But it’s all me. On stage and in the multitudes in audience. On stage I am in all black. Every bit of me. In the audience I am wearing all sorts of things. All the things I own, wish to own and have never imagined. Same as with the hairstyles. The crowd is screaming, tears all over our faces, up on our feet, clapping wildly. On stage we sigh as we bow. My head is down. And heavy. Eyes closed as the screams fade away into the far distance. I slowly open my eyes and a familiar scent hits me. Its sex. I find his face contorted and beads of sweat providing it a disturbing sheen. He is quite ugly. His chest is bruised and on the verge of bleeding, my nails are to blame. My palms are rested on either side of his chest. His still firm upright bass still buzzing inside me. I want it out but I’m too spent to lift myself off. So I just give my shivering hands a break and drop dead on him. At least this way I don’t have to look at his ugly face. He continues to slowly stroke, massage my insides basically, still humming. I dozed off.”

Personally I think she’s lying. Probably disappeared with the group’s drinks budget to go get a fix. Hence her ridiculous tale – ditiro tsa dithetefatsi fela tse! Orchestra orgasm se voet! But this little fib distracted my body enough to walk past the taxis without any more complaints. Naïve little thing😝. Of course now spotting a hard-on. Surely is going to be hard convincing those pseudo-Christian Calvinists of my convictions on prostitution with an erection.

The eye at the back of my head – a prized possession of anyone who’s ever been subjected to the violence that is the township – informs me that there are people behind me. Men. Black men. I know the woke ones with their Olympics of suffering don’t like it when we say we understand that they’re afraid of black men because we too are afraid of black men. Apparently we black men are all the same. Violence on a black cis-het male body by another black cis-het male body goes unaudited. It is not an event worthy of a hashtag. I am a black man. I am on my own. Against the four black men behind me. Whom I inflict violence on their person by casting them as criminals with no evidence whatsoever. There is a safe distance between us – but that’s what I thought the last time black men pulled me down by my hair and brandished their makeshift knives in my blind face (my glasses having long abandoned me in my fall. Sellouts!). So I commission my body to carry me quicker to my prostitutes, or the white bullet-repelling bodies disturbing their trade. I did not change the gears smoothly. My left knee gives in 🤕. I can barely keep the pace I started with before the failed acceleration. 

I have a soccer injury on that knee from high school. I tsamayad a friend with a tennis ball, tripped on his outstretched leg, spun in the air, and landed on the knee on the concrete floor. I didn’t have medical aid so nothing was ever done in its honour. I was not even allowed to cry. I had to live with the “harde dawg.” Black cis-het male tears – boring! It acts up from time to time. The other time I was at the physicist attempting to commit fraud in an effort to endear myself to my BAF (futile, futile exercise!), being a healthy idiot who has regular check-ups I really had no reason for my visit to there, and I couldn’t come out directly as to what exactly is it I wanted, so I told him about the knee. He put it under the scanner and found nothing. That convinced me that it was a phantom injury. A phantom injury that now threatened my escape from the knife. I struggled to keep my pace. 

But it turned out that it was indeed a safe distance between me and the men who unsettled me, sans the balaclavas. I reached the safe bosom of the prostitutes with a block still separating us beastly trashy black men. The white missionaries were gone. Darn! I guess they had clocked enough hours to earn their brownie points to heaven. All that preparation for nothing. My speech gone to waste. All that walking for nothing. I could’ve taken a cab and avoided all this impotent drama. I risked knife and knee for forty-fucken-rands!? For four muffins I can’t even eat. Fuck. Bayadika abelungu shwem!😩