#incorrect marvel

[ynxbucky]

Y/N: *is feeling a little down*

Y/N: hey, could you do that thing you do?

Bucky: what?

Y/N: that—that thing you do that like. Makes me feel better.

Bucky: *confused*

Y/N: you know like—the thing:(

Bucky: *realizes* ah, *does that cute Bucky smile*

Y/N: great, thanks:)

[incorrect-thunderbolts]

Bucky: Strength is forgiving someone who was never really sorry.

Ava: Ok, not to be overdramatic, but I would literally rather die.

[lingarace]

Yelena: you can’t make everyone like you. You are not Bob.

John: Not everyone likes Bob.

Yelena: Who doesn’t like Bob?

John: well…

Yelena: Names John. I want names

[lovelyinspiration1463]

Loki: I always find it amusing when people try to threaten me. Like, what are you gonna do - kill me? News flash: I've died before! It didn't stick.

[hurtspideyparker]

If Civil War didn't end in divorce and everyone lived together Part 2

Read Part 1 and Part 3

Tony: Why is Underoos mopping the ceiling?

Sam: Told him since he's sticky that's his chore

Bucky: It's only fair he helps out around the house

Tony: Hm. Makes sense

-

Vision cooked dinner:

Peter: *pushing around food to make it look eaten*

Natasha: *surreptitiously spitting into napkin*

Steve: *taking small bites with tons of water*

Bucky: *just stares at full plate*

Tony: Well this is disgusting, I'm ordering pizza

-

Sam: C'mon man stop moping around, you gotta get yourself a girl

Bucky: Ok.

Sam: Ok? Okayyyyy! I know-

Bucky: Give me your phone

Sam: Oh you got a number in mind already hotshot? *hands phone over*

Bucky: *ring* Hi Sarah ;)

Sam: BOY-

-

Peter: Ned thought you would seperate your colours from your lights but he also thought you'd be homophobic so I don't pay him much mind cuz clearly I'm more of a superhero expert than him but he does have a 2% better average than me in history so like maybe you do hand wash your clothes and that's why I asked what underwear you wear because-

Steve: *listening intently with apprehension and alarm*

Natasha: I can't believe you found the one person on Earth who talks more nonsense than you

Tony: I know right, it's incredibly unnerving. I'm planning on adopting him

-

Peter: Mr. Stark I have to tell you something. I think Vision is a... *whispers* pervert

Tony: Um, why?

Peter: He keeps floating through my room without knocking! He saw me changing, he saw my nipples !

Tony: Well if anyone's a predator here it would be you. I mean showing your nipples to a 2 year old? Deplorable.

Peter:

Peter: Oh god, I'm the pervert...

-

Bucky: Y'know animosity isn't good between teammates. I think we should spend more time together

Sam: Am I being punked right now? Where's the camera

Bucky: I'm serious. I think it would be healthy for us to bond

Sam: Okay fine I'll bite... what did you have in mind

Bucky: Wanna go for a run?

Sam: *slams door in Bucky's face*

-

*staring at Bucky's sparkly clean metal arm*

Bucky: Dishwasher?

Peter: Dishwasher :)

(later that day)

Bucky: I've decided to let the child live

Peter: YoU wHaT?!

-

Thwip

Tony: Who took my coffee cup, It was right here

Thwip

Bruce: Um, has someone seen my book? I just had it

Thwip

Steve: I could've sworn I was holding a pen a moment ago

*giggling from the ceiling*

Tony: Young man I will take those webshooters away if you use them for shenanigans and rascality

Peter, muffled: Mr. Hawkeye told me to!

Clint: Oh so you're just gonna rat me out like that?

Peter: Sor- OOF

*falls out of ceiling vent*

-

Sam: You're in my spot

Bucky: There are no spots, it's a common area

Sam: Well that's my spot

Bucky: Did you buy the chair??

Sam: No, but everyone knows that's where I sit. Right Steve?

Steve: Oops I forgot something in my car, be right back *leaves*

Sam: Still my spot

Bucky: Still not

Sam: *sits on him*

Bucky: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU ALL THE COUCHES ARE FREE-

Sam: IT'S MY SPOT YOU CAN'T TAKE A MAN'S FAVOURITE CHAIR-

BUCKY: YOU HAVE ISSUES GET OFF ME-

(one hour later)

Steve: Hey so turns out I don't have a car! Isn't that funn...

Sam & Bucky: *Squeezed awkwardly on the chair together*

Steve: I think I left something in my car

-

Steve: Leave the bedroom door open when you have Vision in there

Wanda: UGH you're so protective

Tony: Teenagers, am I right? Caught Pete reassembling my particle accelerator at midnight because he needed to neutralize a miniature nuclear bomb he nabbed off some guy he neglected to tell me was trying to kill him

Steve:

Steve: Wanda y'know what do whatever you want

Wanda: Really?

Steve: Yes just keep being normal. At least I can read about our issues in a parenting book

-

Thor: Ah, new warriors I see! Good to make all your acquaintance. But why are you so grumpy my friend?

Bucky: *glaring*

Peter: He's always like that. It's um, P- P- PMS? Wait -

Natasha: Yes it's PMS

Wanda: He's got it bad

Steve: *genuinely concerned* Bucky you didn't tell me something was wrong. What can I do to help?

Bucky:

Bucky: I like chocolate

-

Wanda: Welcome to the first annual girls night! This place reeks of men, so I thought we needed some women time

Pepper: Why is Vision here?

Wanda: I get sad when he's gone

Natasha: Why is Pietro here?

Pietro: Slay queens

Wanda: Moral support I think

Maria: Why is Peter here?

Wanda: He looked really upset when I said he wasn't included and I felt bad

Wanda: Anyways... yay girls! Who wants me to paint their nails?

Peter: ME ME ME

-

Steve: Pancakes or waffles?

Natasha: Pancakes

Steve: Good because I don't have a waffle maker

Natasha: Then why would you ask-

Steve: It's important for your voice to be heard, as team leader I value your opinion

*2 minutes later*

Steve: Good morning Clint, pancakes or waffles?

Clint: Waffles

Steve: Oh no.

-

Some of these were based on requests (ex. more Sam & Bucky, dad Steve w/ Wanda) so if you have certain dynamics you enjoy let me know !

[johnwalkerwaow]

Bob: alright guys hug it out

*the Thunderbolts all struggle into a group hug*

John: who took my wallet?

Yelena: sorry

[incorrectmarvels]

Yelena: Ava’s smiling, did something good happen?

Ava: Can’t I just smile because I feel like it?

Bob: Walker tripped and fell in the parking lot this morning

[autumnistic-danmei]

Peter: Do you care if I take the skin off this Furby? 

Peter: I want to make him a God. Once he is free of his sinful flesh, he can begin a path towards enlightenment. He will take care of Us. 

Peter: I also want to softhack his circuits. 

Tony: I literally could not care less but never say anything as frightening as that ever again.

[definitelyincorrect]

Bucky: Don't worry, I've got a few knives up my sleeves.

Sam: I think you mean cards.

Steve: He does not.

Bucky, pulling out an alarming number of knives: I do not.

[floilee]

In health and in sickness

[incorrectmarvelquote]

Tony: [on the phone] Where are you?

Peter: [also on the phone] I’m waiting for the subway

Tony: Well hurry up

Peter: [panicking] I don’t know how to wait any faster???

[ynxbucky]

Bucky: –and like, the sweetest smile, and really pretty eyes-

Zemo, politely: what is he talking about?

Sam: Y/N. I asked for the fucking weather.

[incorrect-thunderbolts]

Bucky: Bitch.

Walker: Blocked.

Bucky: Wait, unblock me, I need to tell you something.

Walker: Unblocked.

Bucky: Bitch.

[lingarace]

How I see the Thunderbolts*

[ramen8008]

Peter: Mr. stark can I borrow 2500 dollars?

Tony: Yeah sure but what's it for?

Peter: ...an escape room

Tony: what kind of escape room costs 2500 dollars??

Peter: ...prison

[hurtspideyparker]

*On the quinjet*

Steve: I think this is the most peaceful it's ever been post-mission

Clint: Oddly... serene

Natasha: No blood, no arguing, no press, no clean up. It's almost too good to be true

Bruce: It kind of feels like we're missing a part of us

Everyone: Hm.

Everyone:

Tony: WE FORGOT THE KID

*20 minutes later*

Tony: Why didn't you call us after we left you?!?

Peter: Oh I thought that was on purpose. I was just gonna take the subway home

Steve: Peter we're in New Mexico.