#just a down bad guy and his incestuous partner

[stefisdoingthings]

they're all so fucked up

[arguablysomaya]

Nightwing's weird fem-coding

! LONG POST !

Finally got around to jotting down my thoughts on the weird way that Dick Grayson (Nightwing) often occupies female-coded roles without being a particularly feminine guy. This is entirely due to me procrastinating on my finals. Okay!

Dick has often been cited as the hero who plays into the "female gaze", and he takes up some key roles that are typically reserved for women characters.

A large portion of Dick's fem-coding is contingent on his being with his family, and when he's not with them, this fem-coding kinda drops away, such as when he's with his various teams or acting solo.

His most prominent (and imo, complex) femme-coded role is:

-> Eldest Daughter + Widow

Eldest daughter syndrome means " frequently feeling like you’re not doing enough, like you’re struggling to maintain a veneer of control, like the entire household relies on your diligence." It's born out of the unique way that first-born girls are expected to take on adult roles around the household before they've had an opportunity to fully experience childhood (an opportunity their younger siblings will have, in part due to this sacrifice). It creates a strong sense of independence and a desire to be a good role model, but also leads to undue pressure and perfectionism.

Dick acts as a central emotional pillar for those in his family. To the point that when he fakes his death, it breaks something fundamental in the family dynamic:

Not only is it repeatedly made clear that Bruce depends on Dick to act as a lifeline for his own mental struggles, but moreover, his siblings do as well. In a very literal sense, the maintenance of the batfamily rests on Dick's shoulders. Bruce is so rarely available for emotional support that these children turn to the next best thing, which, to be fair, is better than what Dick had growing up. He has to clean up so many breakdowns, it's honestly pretty staggering.

As the OG sidekick, Dick receives quite a bit of hero worship, particularly from younger heroes/sidekicks, who look toward him for guidance. As a naturally upbeat and welcoming person, Dick ends up in the position of bringing light to everyone, not just Bruce. For example, here's Cassandra:

This balancing effect is unique to Dick's skill set. However, this can (and does) backfire very easily. The same pragmatism Bruce engages in hurts extra bad when coming from Dick: like when Dick had to take Robin away from Tim. Not to mention just how intimidating Dick's legacy is, which can create resentment when his successors aren't able to play this role so easily. For example, Jason both before and after his death expressed insecurity that he felt he was constantly being compared to Dick, and falling short.

As the original character that people think of when they think "sidekick", DG Robin (and his successors) had the advantage of not losing prominence even as his contemporaries (Kid Flash, Aqualad, Wonder Girl, etc.) were de-prioritized in favor of independent teenaged heroes (like Cyborg, Beast Boy, Raven, and Starfire). But that means Robin as a concept now has to deal with questions that weren't so prominent in the earlier decades, such as: "How do we justify a grown-ass man using a child (and in fact, children) as emotional crutches?"

It's icky to think about, but there's no denying that early Batman and Robin got side eyes for homosexual subtext. I mean, they literally call each other "partners". So while that "subtext" was, and remains, just audience speculation, given Dick is literally Bruce's adopted son, there is room, I believe, to call into question how healthy it is for Bruce's oldest kid to be taking on a nearly-parental role and be a core pillar of Bruce's emotional regulation.

Hot take here, but I think Dick's relationship with Bruce was/has been pretty emotionally incestuous for a long time.

-> Emotional incest

"Emotional incest[...] is a type of emotional abuse performed by a parent. In cases of emotional incest, parents rely on their children for significant emotional support, which is a reversal of roles. Emotional incest is more than just relying on your kids on occasion—rather, it is an extreme dependence on them." (There's a pretty good argument to be made that Bruce has been emotionally incestuous with all his Robins, especially Dick and DEFINITELY Tim, but y'know. Small steps.)

Emotional incest is a semi-common consequence of eldest daughter syndrome; the natural conclusion of deputizing a child to manage the other children combining with an inability to see the child as a child, still in need of emotional guidance, but more like an adult capable of shouldering the burdens of grown-ups dumping their traumas on them.

To be clear here, while emotional incest may not be incest in the most traditional, taboo sense, it is still abuse. It's putting a burden on a child they shouldn't have to carry, even for children that aren't dealing with such extreme burdens as "grown-ass man running around in a fursuit needs me to keep him from getting himself killed". It's a perversion of a healthy parent-child relationship, where the child is treated more like a partner than a child. In Dick's case, it further exacerbates the parentification he already experiences. This is made more explicit when Bruce "dies" and Dick is cast into a sort of "Widow" role.

Dick reluctantly dons the cowl in an attempt to bring order to his family members. He's also left to parent Damian, alone. He has to make the decision to take Robin from Tim, and try to deal with the fallout from that decision. He has to put a stop to Jason's fratricidal rampage. He's made into the de-facto head of the family.

And the thing about this is: Dick's not even bad at it. In comparison to Bruce's litany of disasters-in-parenting, Dick does a pretty bang-up job of managing his siblings, heading the Justice League, and being Batman. But the crucial point is that he does this at the expense of his own mental health, which is the crux of eldest daughter syndrome. There's no denying that at the time, Dick was most certainly the best choice for New Father Figure, but it was a choice he was pushed into, and a sacrifice he had to make. When this sense of responsibility to the point of self-sacrifice is pushed to its logical conclusion, it has the effect of making Dick a Martyr-type figure.

-> Protector/Mama Bear/Avenger

Dick has shown repeatedly that his hot button is his family. From Tony Zucco to allowing Blockbuster to be killed after the villain targeted Haley's Circus, going after Nightwing's family is a pretty good way to earn yourself an asskicking. Probably the most infamous example of this is when Dick thought the Joker had killed Tim, beating the clown to death to avenge both Tim and Jason.

And while this role isn't particularly feminine, I do think it's interesting that Dick protects his family members from each other with almost the same frequency that he protects them from outside threats. He's pretty notorious for wrangling Damian and Tim, foiling Jason's murder plans, and most importantly, beating the shit out of Bruce whenever he crosses a line, such as when Bruce asks Dick to conceal being alive from their family to join Spyral or when Bruce wanted to abandon the Bruce Wayne persona after the murder of Vesper Fairchild. Or of course, more recently after Bruce's latest MK-ULTRA shenanigans.

This basically puts Dick in the position of being the glue that holds the family together, at basically all times, but especially in times of conflict. This also means he's put in the dangerous position of bodily defending his younger siblings from Bruce's wrath or irresponsibility, a position made even more awkward given the whole emotional incest thing.

That's not to say that Dick's relationship with his family is 100% unhealthy. Dick and his family members (including Bruce!) feel legitimate affection and care for each other. There are times when the dynamics here are indeed healthy. And like most people with eldest daughter syndrome, the unhealthy nature of this dynamic is usually understated. Oldest sibling syndrome is often just an unavoidable consequence of how parenting works. So while I am of the opinion that this dynamic is often unhealthy, hot take: I'm fine with that.

Now, though I've just listed some tropes that he only falls into around family, Dick also falls into some fem-coding all the time, regardless of who he's with, and these have to do mostly with his sexuality.

-> Sexual Assault & Harassment

Yeah, so nobody is surprised that this is a factor. Look up any list of the top ten hottest/sexiest/most attractive male superheroes, I guarantee 9/10 times Nightwing is number 1. However, unlike his father, whose attractiveness is usually played as a part of the male wish-fulfillment fantasy, something people aspire to be, Dick's attractiveness more often makes him an object of desire- very similar to how most attractive female characters are perceived.

And as an object of desire, Dick Grayson is constantly having to deal with being objectified.

Now, Dick Grayson being an attractive character is not the problem. Dick Grayson being sexually assaulted isn't even the problem. the problem is that he keeps being harassed, assaulted, and raped in ways that are flagrantly nonconsensual, and yet it's not treated with the seriousness it deserves. In fact, it took a full decade for Devin Grayson to retract her previous statement and admit that yes, the rooftop scene with Catalina Flores was in fact rape, and it's never been acknowledged in-universe (though, comics have always been atrocious at calling out sexual abuse of all kinds, let alone that which targets men).

Hell, even when he in-universe calls it out, he's dismissed immediately and the story continues like nothing happened.

Like???

Dick's adult sexcapades (which were consensual and enthusiastic) have long contrasted with the numerous times he's been harassed; times in which he comes across as bored, exasperated, and even frustrated with his own attractiveness and the vulnerable position it often leaves him in.

This puts him in the rare (in comics) position of being a male character who consistently and near-exclusively has his sexual agency and boundaries violated by women - a position that authors uniformly refuse to examine despite writing him into it all the fucking time.

Other characters around him frequently make comments passing off this harassment and assault as a natural consequence of Dick's own attractiveness, making "jokes" that essentially amount to "I understand why someone would want to assault him". Which- UH?

There is also, of course, the unavoidable reality that as an acrobat and an aerialist, he receives a very specific type of sexual harassment

the nature of nightwing's fight style necessitates a type of tight-fitting suit that male heroes typically don't go for: an extremely slick suit with bare-minimum armour that again, makes him vulnerable in a way most male heroes aren't, but a style female heroes wear all the time, whether it makes sense for them or not. This of course then allows artists to draw attention to this fact by posing Nightwing in poses usually reserved for femme fatales:

And unlike the Hawkeye Initiative, these poses are (largely) unironic, and not played for jokes. Dick isn't arching his back or looking over his shoulder to poke fun at how female heroes are treated; he does so because the artist (clearly correctly) sincerely believed these poses would play into the unironic gaze of the audience, and also probably thought it was hot. It's the same line of thought artists use when posing femme fatales.

He's even been known to use his sexuality as a bargaining chip, much like more traditional Femme Fatales. In Batman and Harley Quinn (2017), he refers to sleeping with Harley Quinn after being kidnapped by her as one of "the things I do for Gotham", to which she responds "I'm taking that as a 'yes'." And that's uh- not how consent works.

And this particularly sucks because- HELLO? The opportunity to explore the very real and tragically underacknowledged phenomenon of sexual violence against men is literally invaluable, especially with such a prominent character. It's one thing to ignore that men face sexual violence, it's another, entirely more unforgivable thing to continuously and explicitly depict such scenarios and play them off as jokes or not as serious as they clearly are. But what did I expect from an industry that has never had a good track record on sexual violence anyway.

-> Queercoding?

There's also of course the fact that DC has been, as of late, dropping hints that Dick might be bisexual.

That on it's own doesn't mean anything, but when paired with the fact that DC has been angling toward giving Dick a similar playboy persona that Bruce has, just with men included, it's just very interesting.

(BTW: The likelihood DC actually commits to making Dick bi is, uh, not a lot, but if they're gonna stick with this weird closet stuff for a while, let's hope they do so in a way that doesn't make him sound like a cross between Donald Trump and Harry Styles next time? Please?)

Anyway, all of this is basically to say I am forever fascinated by the gender dynamics of Dick Grayson, likely due to the fact that I'm projecting all my eldest daughter traumas onto him, and that someone who's background is in Gender Studies needs to get on this shit if they haven't already. I just love this character sm.

[kidkintsugi]

stuff happened again over the course of the last few months and theres nothing I can do. I might just do it after all.

Friend i made over the last year dropped me and had me blocked on every account he owns because we had an argument. I even tried apologizing to him but by that time he already had me blocked everywhere. I regret sending that apology; i was also hurt. He didnt even try to apologize, and the way hes now trying to brutally distance himself giving me no chance to even contact him shows me that maybe hes only been using me for my money and help after all. The guy who apparently he crushed hard on broke his heart twice, yet he kept on crawling back to him. I have an argument with him once and he drops me like its nothing. I suspect this is also a way for him to avoid giving me back the money he owes? Maybe i wasnt that important to him after all, its almost laughable. Im not even trying to say i did everything right because i didnt, but again, in his own words, he doesnt even care. He'll be retaking the semester, i suspect he'll be spending his last days in my class online (if he id attending classes at all) so he doesnt even have to see anyone.

My best friend since birth who is essentially like a sister to me confessed to her mother that she fears for our friendship because I seem distant. It breaks my heart honestly, and with all of the other shit that has gone down, this was the last thing i needed. I cried for the first time in months. Shes everything to me, id rip off my arm if it made her happy, i couldnt even be angry at her if i tried, yet shes upset because i didnt have it in me to reach out. I hate myself, i really do. I make so much time for homework; ive been working non stop all over my christmas break, its a whole buttload of shit that i have to work at all over christmas, yet i couldnt find the time to talk to her. I want to rip my skin off, the urge to hurt myself is so bad as im writing this. Im an idiot. I wish i could be a better friend but after this much work and other emotional turmoil going on around me, daily classes until 4pm with homework directly afterwards until 8pm, i barely have the energy to even leave my bed, much less to initiate conversation.

My family feels like its falling apart as well ever since my uncle died. We already pretty much never talk to one pair of aunt and uncle because theyre not the nicest and like to stirr up trouble because my grandpa doesnt give them money (? lol) but now my other aunt, that used to be married to my now dead uncle, found new love. Within half of a year. Shes now also distancing herself, moving to a city an hour away from our own. We dont even know her new lover. She'll be moved to the other city by the start of next year. This only leaves me and my parents with my cousin, who developed depression because her partner doesnt care for her or her child (my grandcousin!!!! Hes so funny he can barely talk because hes so young!!!) and my other cousin who is, apparently, in an incestuous relationship with his half brother (THIS IS SO WEIRD TO WRITE???? WHAT HAPPENED THERE). We arent many people left but we still care for eachother, or at least i hope so.

Honestly, it just all looks like it wont get better in the future. Ill always be like this. Ill always struggle with emotion. I genuinely believe its for the better when im just dead. Theres only very few things keeping me from doing it. I hope next year gets better; ive been promised ill have less homework in my 5th and 6th semester, but my school rarely keeps up with promises. My hopes arent high.

[dl-oblivion]

What would S boys be like if they had good father and mother figures?

Considering both nature, and nurture play into ones personality development, that’s hard to say. I believe they’d be drastically different, as all suffer with severe childhood trauma that shaped them into who they are in the series. Some core aspects of their personalities would be kept though. I’m gonna break down their childhoods, and how I think they’d grow up if things were different. This is gonna be my first analysis so I hope you guys enjoy reading it.

⚠️TW for physical, emotional, and sexual abuse⚠️

Shu - As a child, Shu was constantly pressured as the eldest son to surpass his father. For hundreds of years he would have to study, and barely got anytime to be a kid. When he did, it was always on his own merit. Running away, and seeking out his best friend Edgar, was how he got away from it all. (At least for a very brief portion of his life.) One thing after another, the things that brought him joy were stripped from him, including Edgar. Feeling trapped, he eventually stopped caring all together, and burnt out. His lazy persona was formed from depression, and trauma. That being said, his sluggish attitude, is the only aspect of his personality I can really see changing. Maybe the vampire would be less sadistic too? That’s hard to say, but perhaps if he continued making human friends, he wouldn’t look down on them so much. Having good parents as a vampire might mean that they belittle humans even more so who knows. His quiet nature would remain, but he wouldn’t be shy by any means. I think his “cool” personality is just how he is. His perverted side would also still be present. It’s worth noting that he’s the only brother who hates his parents, but doesn’t hold any kind of grudge. (Subaru doesn’t hate his mom, but would kill his father if the opportunity was available.)

Reiji - Reijis childhood was the complete opposite of his older brother. Instead of being hyper focused on, he was neglected. No matter what he did, nobody seemed to care for his achievements. The reason why Reiji is the most intelligent out of all his siblings, is because he never stopped trying to get attention by proving his capabilities. Even when he did get praised, it was in the form of backhanded compliments “You will make an excellent right hand man to your brother once he becomes king”. That inferiority complex of his, and hatred for his mother/older brother, would have never been there if he had good parents. Being raised in a loving home, I believe the good aspects of his personality would be cranked up, as opposed to the bad. He’d still be the most intelligent, but out of curiosity, and the need to learn more than anything. His ego would still be present a bit, especially when it comes to humans, but perhaps he’d be more snarky than sadistic? I can also see him being less strict, and more charming towards people. The character would be a little empathetic towards others, and not as detached from his family. Getting along with his brother would be in a playful competitive sense. I also lowkey see him being a mamas boy.

Ayato - Ayato has a similar upbringing to Shu, except his mother was extremely unstable, and downright cruel. Unlike the other two mothers, Cordelia didn’t care for her sons at all. He was a victim to beatings, and torment (I’m sure we all know the story of him being drowned in a lake). Ayato also witnessed Cordelias fits/breakdowns, (which often resulted in maids being killed before his very eyes) as well as her love affairs. The reason why she showed even a shred of regard for Ayato, was because he was the oldest of the triplets. The vampire was praised for things that made his mother look good, and proved he was the “best”. One of the ways narcissists are formed is from parental neglect, and only being praised when they do something worthy of acknowledgement. Which is why his whole character revolves around his need to be the best. If the vampire was raised by good parents, his egotism wouldn’t be present at all. He’d be a way more lighthearted character, and probably just a big loud dork. I’m sure he’d still be a jerk to some extent, but in a misfit kind of a sense. He seems playful at heart, and stubborn in nature. Perhaps he’d be a bit of a heart breaker amongst ladies, or absolutely terrible at picking up chicks. I wholeheartedly believe his personality was mostly formed via “nurture”, but if he wasn’t as strong of a character emotionally, would he have made it out the same?

Laito - Laitos upbringing is different from that of his brothers. While he was neglected, and traumatized from witnessing things no kid should have, the abuse he went through didn’t occur until he was a teenager. At a certain age (unclear), Cordelia began abusing him sexually, and warped his viewpoint on love. His only purpose was to please her sexually, which completely fucked him up. While he always knew it was wrong, Laito was manipulated into believing that he loved his mother as a partner. When Karl Heinz found out, he locked Laito in a dungeon as punishment. Nobody was there to comfort, or acknowledge him as a victim. Instead, Cordelia had sex in front of Laito, and told her son that he was nothing more than a play toy. He continued the cycle of abuse once the incestuous relationship ended. His whole persona is fake, it’s a means to bury all his trauma deep down. With all that being said, Laito would be an entirely different person if he was raised by loving parents. Instead of being this abusive asshole, he’d be a more soft spoken, chill, and nice person. Maybe a little flirtatious, but unintentionally so. I highly doubt he’d be nearly as sadistic, or brutal when it comes to humans, as he didn’t even enjoy taking advantage of his first victim, Hilde (a maid). His hobbies might also be a focus for him, as he wouldn’t be constantly trying to fill up his time by preying on people. Perhaps being a legendary pianist? He’d definitely be closer to his brothers as well, and give them advice more often. His perceptive, and sharp people reading skills would still be there.

Kanato - Kanato has always been needy, and attention seeking. Instead of trying to get his mothers attention by proving his capabilities, he would often times beg for it, or hurt himself. Most of his childhood was spent being neglected. Even if he sustained really bad injuries, Cordelia would ignore him, or request one of the servants take care of it. She disregarded him, until it was discovered that he could sing. His mother was turned on by his voice, and requested that Kanato sing while she was having intercourse. Since he was exposed to sex at a young age, his view on lust/love is very warped, just like Laito. Not nearly as much, but he believes forcing himself onto others is normal. Women are lustful creatures who always want it, in his eyes. (This explains why he forces himself onto Yui the most out of all his brothers.) Cordelia would also order Kanato to dispose of her affairs once she was bored, or if they caused trouble. His mother approved of him turning them into dolls, which is why he continued doing it for hundreds of years. If he had a normal upbringing, Kanato wouldn’t be as broken, and deranged as he is. His mood swings, and extremely sadistic nature wouldn’t be there. I believe he’d be quite timid, and a bit bratty if raised with good parents. He’d throw tantrums sometimes if he didn’t get what he wanted, but not have full blown episodes. I think he also wouldn’t hate women, and humans nearly as much as he does. Kanato is a sensitive person at heart who needs love.

Subaru - Subaru had a lonely, and isolated childhood. He did experience brief moments of tenderly love from his mother, but it was usually followed by Christa breaking down, and screaming at him. His low self esteem is rooted in his mother calling him a monster his entire life. Because Christa was locked away, dealing with her own mental deterioration, Subaru looked after himself. Never did he get validation or approval from anybody. With no siblings to turn to, or father to look to for guidance, he became extremely destructive. Taking his anger out on objects was the only way he could remain sane with a sickly mother. I’m sure there’s been instances where he punched, or beat, brides/servants, as sad as that is to say. I wouldn’t doubt it, since he has said he’s blind during moments or rage, and can easily hurt others if they’re around him when he’s like this. If Subaru had even one good parental figure he’d be different. He’d still be sadistic, but able to control his anger/emotions way better. His horrible self image wouldn’t be there either, and maybe he’d take pride in himself more. I think he’d also pick up hobbies, or be involved in sports, as opposed to being a delinquent. It said in his part of the anniversary book that he actually enjoys exercising, and likes his body sometimes, because he works out. Without a doubt he’d still be an awkward goof, and a tsundere at times. Probably known around the school for having cute reactions as opposed to being scary.

Whew that was long, if you read even a sliver of that Ily (っ◔︣◡◔᷅)っ ❤

[allgirlsareprincesses]

Why I'm done with Picard after this week's episode (Episode 5, air date 2/20):

Spoilers, obviously.

So this episode was a microcosm of everything I hate about modern screenwriting. And yes, I'm going to be referencing Star Wars a lot in this rant and I'm not much of a Trekkie, so be warned.

First off, we opened with gore and violence perpetrated by a woman, followed by the first of two (maybe three?) mercy killings by a protagonist in the episode. Seven-of-Nine kills the person she later admits was like a son to her. Don't @ me about how he was in pain because this is fiction, not real life, and a story choice like this is cheap emotional manipulation that reframes murder as mercy and I'm DONE WITH THAT TROPE THANKS (can’t find my last rant on the subject but between Logan stabbing Jean, Jon stabbing Dany, and Rey stabbing Ben, I’m DOOOOOONE).

Next we discover that Agnes and Bruce were lovers. SURPRISE. Where are they going to go with this? If you guessed another Killing-of-the-intimate-partner-for-the-Greater-Good with zero foreshadowing in the same f*cking episode, YOU WIN. So twist! Much shocking!

Hey, remember that kid that Picard felt a fatherly affection for in the last episode, who it seemed like would be the emotional parallel to Data’s daughter(s) since Jean-Luc didn’t have time to build an onscreen relationship with Soji since they were on opposite ends of space and all? Elnor? Yeah he’s just been relegated to comic relief now, after pledging his life to the quest of the man who abandoned him. GAH this child being ignored for the sake of the great heroic elder is starting to seem REALLY familiar....

Speaking of sh*t parents, Raffi went to find her estranged son in a beautifully-performed scene that had me sobbing so hard I had to ask my hubs to pause the show until I could collect myself. I mean, of course I felt bad for her and identified with her, but CAN SOMEONE IN SPACE BE A GOOD PARENT FOR F*CK’S SAKE? Ugh, I was not ready to watch that after all the Leia/Ben Solo reveals in the last two months.

Oh wait, I forgot to mention Bjayzl’s costume in the opening scene, which was basically just flesh-colored skin-tight gauze with extra sparkles. Yes, let’s be sure to overtly sexualize the evil woman character so that it’s clear that she got what she deserved later, the slut. Guys, feel free to jerk off to this hot chick without guilt because she’ll be dead by the end of the episode. Also, we won’t make it clear whether she has a romantic history with Seven before she’s killed, but we’ll drop enough hints to make you fantasize about it. Because this is FOR YOU, thirsty dudebros. The main male protagonist might have been unable to lift a sword (INNUENDO) in the last episode, but we wanted you to be confident this show is for the Male Gaze, just like everyf*ckingthing else.

Meanwhile, despite all the emphasis on parent-child relationships in the show, Picard has NO ONSCREEN RELATIONSHIP with Data’s remaining daughter, and Soji still has no personality. But we HAVE gotten the foreshadowing that she’s going to become eeeeevil, be “The Destroyer” by the end of the season. Hey, does that sound like any other Good heroine who lost her sh*t and randomly became an indiscriminate killing machine in the last year or so? The only question will be whether Picard manages to talk her down in a 2-episode-length monologue, or whether he just does her and the galaxy a favor and mercy-kills her, too. Because that’s totally what Data would have wanted. HAHAHA FML

Also I love how Soji and the Romulan dude (see? I don’t even know his name and I don’t care enough to look it up) have zero developed relationship, we’re just supposed to accept that they’re totally in love because they slept together the minute they met despite zero chemistry. Also Romulan dude has a quasi-incestuous relationship with his sister because Game of Thrones and Star Wars have made that A Thing that we do now. And dear lord will Soji EVER grow a freaking personality?

I just can’t, y’all. Space is clearly The Worst.

[wiseabsol]

WA Reviews “Dominion” by Aurelia le, Chapter 10: Rescue

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6383825/10/Dominion

Summary: For the Fire Nation royal siblings, love has always warred with hate. But neither the outward accomplishment of peace nor Azula’s defeat have brought the respite Zuko expected. Will his sister’s plans answer this, or only destroy them both?

Content Warnings: This story contains discussions and depictions of child abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, and incest. This story also explores the idea that Zuko’s redemption arc (and his unlearning of abuse) is not as complete as the show suggested, and that Azula is not a sociopath (with the story having a lot of sympathy for her). If that doesn’t sound like your cup of tea, I would strongly recommend steering clear of this story and my reviews of it.  

Note: Because these were originally posted as chapter reviews/commentaries, I will often be talking to the author in them (though sometimes I will also snarkily address the characters). While I’ve also tried not to spoil later events in the story in these reviews, I would strongly recommend reading through chapter 28 before reading these, just to be safe.

Now on to chapter 10!

CHAPTER 10: RESCUE

Diving right in, the author’s note. “Ozai’s objective was twofold. To train Azula to keep her head about her in the act”—so no getting distracted by thoughts of romance or sexual pleasure, then—“and to make her skilled enough (and convincing enough) that she could effectively distract her partner and/or make him compliant to her will.” So also heteronormative assumptions from Ozai, then. We also know that this had to be happening after Zuko was exiled but before Azula was sent on her mission, so this training was taking place when she was roughly eleven to thirteen years of age. That is um…well, pedophilic, for one, Ozai, but also far too early for Azula to be mature enough for that, either physically or psychologically (not that any of this would have been “better” if she was older, because it’s traumatizing regardless). However, grooming like this starts early, so sadly, this is truth in television.

Ah, there was a Dai Li agent in the asylum staff. I did not catch that, but it does explain how the Earth Kingdom learned that Zuko was missing that night, in addition to Azula breaking out.

Anyway, on to the chapter itself. Azula is incognito as a peasant, which is probably a cute look for her. Azula is pretending to be Rai’s cousin, which isn’t a bad plan on Rai’s part, even if Azula snootily think they look nothing alike. Then we get a mention of the late Lu Ten with his “sleepy eyes.” I wonder if that’s a dig at his Earth Kingdom features, or if Lu Ten was legit always tired from war training. Given that this is about the physical appearances of relatives differing, I’m guessing the former.

Azula shows some paranoia about the pirates possibly recognizing her and planning to turn her in for a bounty, but she dismisses the thought quickly. And really, why would they recognize her at this point? They don’t know that she escaped from Ember Island, barely anyone has seen her for four years, and Rai gave a reasonable excuse for her presence on the ship. I’m sure the pirates are too caught up in their own affairs to give Azula much thought, but I’m sure that Azula, who was rather used to being the center of attention, might have some trouble believing that.

Rai, though, definitely knows who Azula is, given that she treats Azula with “grating familiarity” and “deference by turns” and knows how Azula likes her baths.

“She had deliberately avoided looking in any mirrors when she left the house on Ember Island”—nice callback to her hallucination in the show! I’d be spooked of them too in Azula’s position.

“Her split lip had knit almost completely in the intervening days, to a tender pink that Azula knew from experience would not scar”—so Azula has had her lip split enough times to know if this will leave a lasting mark. Given how much lipstick she wore in the show, this suggests that Azula probably does have a scar or two on her lips.

“She never used to bruise so easily”—there are also some awful implications here, but the more pressing point is that Azula’s health has taken a hit from her time in the asylum.

“Leave it to her clumsy brother to injure someone during sex, Azula reflected wearily. Sometimes she wondered how Mai put up with him. But he was probably a lot nicer to Mai, since he cared for her at all. Azula thought that probably made a difference, when people had sex.”—That Azula has to guess this is heartbreaking. Also, this means that she never once felt loved while having sex. I wouldn’t expect her to, but it’s a painful reminder that her only experiences with it have been violent.

Azula then second-guesses herself, in this case about why she bothered to put on makeup at the house. My guess is that it made her feel more like herself, which she must have needed after those years in the asylum. She admonishes herself for, essentially, questioning if she should have done things differently. Like many abuse victims after the fact, she is policing her own thoughts here, reminding herself that her abuser—Ozai—wouldn’t like seeing her so “weak.” She also thinks that he would be “right” to hate her for it, when really, this is the normal response to getting hurt. Azula has a lot of lessons to unlearn. We also learn that Azula used to see hallucinations of Ozai, too, which is upsetting.

Rai, when she walks in on the still naked Azula and sees the bruises, comments on it: “With men like that, it never stops. No matter what they promise.” However, I doubt that Azula is ready to face that realization about her father—that no matter how much she gave to him, he would never stop hurting her, because she would never be enough. “That was not the first indication Rai had given that she escaped an abusive relationship, and believe Azula had just done the same. She was content enough to let the cook keep thinking that”—except that it actually is true for Azula, given how Ozai and Zuko treated her.

We get an interesting bit of characterization after this. “It was the respect Rai afforded her . . . that made the princess truly wary. If she were the same breed of royalty as Zuko, she might think this a natural consequence of her noble bearing, and no more than she was due. But Azula was second-born, and she knew that it was not enough to be owed obedience, loyalty, or love. You had to exact it. You had to earn it. It would not simply be given.”

Three out of four of those makes sense. However, love isn’t something that anyone should have to “earn.” It should be freely given, especially between family members—which, of course, is not something that the adults in Azula’s life taught her. Or, in Ozai’s case, thought advantageous to teach her.

Azula, in her musing about Rai and the cover story she gave her, raises a point about Zuko gutting their high military command and “beggaring” the realm with war reparations. I wonder how much truth there is to this, or if Azula’s view of Fire Nation superiority is coloring her perspective on the matter.

Moving on, Azula is approached by Rai’s assistant, a pre-pubescent boy who has a crush on Azula. “Azula saw that he still had all his teeth. Quite an accomplishment among this lot.” Oh lol at her internal snark. The boy asks her out, but Azula shoots him down. Rai reproaches her for that, and apparently this is a conversation that they’ve had before, because Azula mentioned to Rai that the boy would like anyone with prominent breasts who wasn’t over thirty, which Rai didn’t appreciate. I wonder if it’s the cynicism about guys or the dig at Rai’s age that Rai didn’t like.

“And people wondered why she lied, when she got looks like that for telling the truth, Azula considered. She learned a long time ago which option served her better. And anyway, she shouldn’t care what a peasant thought of her.”—Except Azula does care what Rai thinks because Rai reminds her of Ursa. Also, Zula, this is where the sentiment of “Azula always lies” came from.

“‘I knew his like once,’ Azula contradicted darkly, thinking of her brother before he got his scar. ‘You shouldn’t let the helpless exterior fool you.’”—Azula, honey, the kid is twelve. Don’t project your baggage with Zuko onto him.

“‘Really?’ the cook asked in genuine surprise. ‘I hadn’t thought—’”—Rai is assuming that Azula means a nice young man who she got romantically involved with, and is surprised, because as far as Rai knows, no one ever courted Azula. Her thoughts wouldn’t make the jump to Zuko, because that’s not a connection that most people would intuitively make. Azula, on the other hand, has a hard time distinguishing between familial and…I don’t want to say romantic, but romantic bonds, because of the incestuous abuse she went through.

Rai is actually aware of the incest, albeit not between Zuko and Azula, but we’re still getting to that reveal. As it is, Rai confirms that she knows Azula by almost calling her “my lady.”

After that, Azula has a conversation with some of the ship hands. There is an amusing moment where Azula thinks that Mai would be disgusted by the flamboyant outfit of the captain, and a less amusing moment when it’s mentioned that one of the crewmen wanted to get into Azula’s pants after she “officially” boarded the ship. Said crewmen calls Azula a whore, she retorts with her characteristic sarcasm, and he tries to attack her, but is held back by his crewmates. We learn that this charmer’s name is Lee, and doesn’t like being ordered around by women, so he’s definitely going to be a problem moving forward. After this, Azula follows Rai into town, albeit at a distance. I get why Azula’s instinct to spy on Rai is there, but a part of me is also like, “Maybe you could have just asked her some questions first, Zula?”

Next we meet up with Iroh! Hi Iroh! He’s arrived at the Fire Nation to check on Zuko and the post-Azula’s escape situation. It turns out that General Shin, the mole in the previous chapter, has been murdered in a gruesome way. This had to have been ordered by someone at court, who made the same connection that Zuko did. I suspect that the killers being loyalists to Azula and Ozai is probably right, but honestly, it could have been anyone, since Shin betrayed his country and the royal family.

Iroh hears other rumors on his way to the palace, some closer to the truth than others. “But hearing so much slander and baseless speculation against his nephew made Iroh’s blood boil”—Iroh, you should know that there has to be some kernels of truth in the gossip. You’re part of the White Lotus, catch up, buddy.

We learn that most of the palace kitchen staff was replaced after someone tried to poison Zuko’s food. There’s probably been a lot of turnover in general, between Azula dismissing most of her staff and Zuko replacing most of his. Interestingly, there hasn’t been any more assassination attempts since Lu Ten was born, possibly because it would have meant that the cleverer Mai or Iroh would have become Lu Ten’s regents, and would be harder to manipulate than Zuko. That being said, given what seems to be Mai’s fertility problems and how difficult Lu Ten’s birth was, I’m surprised that no one gunned for Lu Ten after he was born. Sure, the response of the royal family would have been filled with fire and blood, but what would they do afterwards? Unless Mai could have another child, which seems unlikely, they would have been facing a succession crisis. A lot of people would have been eager to take advantage of that opportunity.

Anyway, Iroh learns some of Zuko’s movements as of late, and we get the detail that Zuko burned his and Mai’s—once Ozai’s—bed. I can’t say that I blame him, considering that that is likely where Azula was assaulted. There’s also something rather, uh, skin-crawly about the fact that not only was Lu Ten presumably conceived there, but (SPOILER) so was the child that Azula aborted.

After this, Iroh goes to find his nephew, and overhears Mai and Lu Ten’s nanny arguing over whether Zuko should be left alone with his son. Mai, despite being livid with Zuko, says that he would never hurt Lu Ten and would sooner hurt himself. The nanny, however, is pretty sure that Zuko will hurt himself, and I’m like, “Yeah, nanny’s got a point here, Zuko’s losing it right now.”

Iroh immediately picks up on the fact that Zuko and Mai’s relationship is rocky, though doesn’t hazard a guess as to why. He also wonders if “keeping certain aspects of their family from Zuko” was the right call. I would say no, given that it meant that Zuko was unprepared for Azula’s behavior after she was triggered, and he might have had a better idea of how to respond had he known. Also, Iroh should have told the doctors what he learned, as gross as he found it. It’s not like the doctors could help her if they didn’t know what her underlying problems were.

Iroh remembers his last visit to Ozai, when he accused his brother of sexually abusing Azula. Ozai at first tries to deny it, then shrugs it off when he realizes that Iroh won’t buy the lie. “He had been just the same as a child, never clinging to falsehoods as most children would when caught in a lie, but admitting ugly truths with a studied disdain. As if lying were a game he chose not to play anymore, because it had lost its fun. A stale joke not worth examining further, and wasn’t the other person fool for paying any mind to it?” This is very creepy.

“Iroh should have known that he could never be trust with a child—any child—even one so obviously suited to him as Azula. Especially one so obviously suited to him as Azula.”—Two things, Iroh. First, there’s subtle demonization of Azula going on here. Second, she didn’t resemble Ozai when she was a very young child. Ozai molded her after himself in large part because you and Ursa took a hands-off approach to her. Azula might have turned out very differently had you been more of a presence in her life. This is why Aunt Tam scowls at you from the AU.

The conversation continues for a while, with Ozai pointing out that Zuko hates Azula, and Iroh internally denying that. “But his sparing Azula and seeking her recovery were proof enough [that Zuko loved Azula] for Iroh.” I think they’re both right. Zuko does love Azula, but that love is buried under a lot of baggage.

Iroh comes out of this memory to find Zuko looking like a wreck. There’s a bittersweet interaction between Zuko and little Lu Ten, then the nanny retrieves the toddler. Iroh and Zuko start talking—Iroh notices that Zuko keeps apologizing, wracked with guilt as he is—and Zuko is upset at how everyone knows that he burned Ozai.

“‘They’re servants. They talk,’ Iroh reminded him patiently, remember that Zuko had never been particularly good with people, and couldn’t be expected to know this.’”—And this is the man you put on the throne. Granted, he was the only viable option, but still, Iroh. Maybe you should have insisted that he come to a few White Lotus seminars to learn this stuff?

They start getting into the subject of how Ozai abused Azula, and Iroh remembers how he found out: “He heard it in her soft words, read it in her fingers straining, eyes as empty as a doll’s. Dead on the surface, screaming underneath.” Yeah, we’ll get to THAT scene eventually, but this also tells us that Azula was almost certainly too traumatized by her training for her be “convincing” at sex. She was disassociating during that incident with Iroh, but that still reads more like fear and desperation than seeming into it. Honestly, Ozai, maybe you should have just waited until she was older and found a nice sex worker to instruct Azula in this stuff. Albeit that wouldn’t have ended well for the sex worker, and that would have meant yielding control of the situation to Azula and said sex worker, but like. If you had to do something like this—which you definitely didn’t, let’s be clear here—there had to be less awful ways to go about it.

Anyway, Zuko quickly realizes that he’s not telling Iroh anything new about Ozai and Azula, and Zuko—in his outrage over Iroh not saying anything about this to him or Azula’s doctors—almost admits what happened on the night that Azula escaped. Iroh jumps to the conclusion that maybe Zuko killed Azula, and that’s why he’s acting so guilty: “It would have been self-defense, or an accident. It had to be, but Zuko would blame himself, Iroh knew. That was the kind of man his nephew was. Iroh knew the kind of man his nephew was.” You most certainly do not, Iroh. I think that Iroh is invested in believing that Zuko is better than the rest of his family and can redeem it, though. This makes him blind to the fact that Zuko still has problems rooted in abuse. To be fair, Zuko made a lot of progress towards becoming a better person over the course of the series, but that was also when he was apart from the toxicity of his core family. Stepping back into it was bound to dreg up behavior like this, because Zuko never properly worked through it. He ignored the problem, rather than face it, because it was easier. Basically, the poor kid needed some therapy where his sister and parents were concerned, but didn’t get it.

“But his denial came swiftly enough that Iroh knew it was the truth.”—Yeah, Iroh, Zuko didn’t kill Azula. He raped her. Your pick as to which of those things is worse.

Zuko admits that Mai knows what happened, but I don’t see Mai spilling those beans to Iroh. Iroh also thinks that “[Zuko] looked almost scared, ashamed, terribly lonely. All things he had no business being.” Oh Iroh, no, Zuko definitely earned this. Mind you, this is not a productive way for Zuko to be spending his time, because becoming a recluse means he’s not dealing with the political conflict around him OR helping make it up to Mai and Azula.

The conversation turns back to Ozai, and while both Zuko and Iroh agree that Ozai should be executed for what he did, there would be no way to explain it without revealing the abuse that Azula went through. They don’t actually say the last part, but that’s what would have to happen, and Azula would be horrified to have it revealed. It would also cause a scandal that would either damage her reputation or make people feel sympathy for her, the latter of which wouldn’t be good for Zuko, politically-speaking. Though who knows, the people might be like, “Hell yeah, you go kiddo, burning your rapist father!” Or maybe not. Kinslaying is probably a no-no in their culture. Not that it stopped Ozai, but still.

Iroh reminds Zuko that he can’t just kill people because he’s the Fire Lord, like Ozai did, and naturally Zuko freaks out at the implication that he is anything like his father. The first step to moving away from abusive patterns is in acknowledging where those similarities are, though, Zuko. As a side note, Iroh, what even is the point of a hereditary monarchy if the king’s word isn’t law? I’m being a little sarcastic here, but that is why people squabbled over thrones as much as they did throughout history—because it meant being able to do whatever you wanted, at least while your reign lasted.

“‘If you kill him, Azula will never forgive you.’”—I mean, probably not. I’m not sure that she’s fully realized that he was abusive to her yet. I think there were points during her training where she knew that something was wrong, and that Ozai might end up killing her, but once she wasn’t in immediate danger, she could justify his actions to herself. After all, the alternative was that she’d invested herself into someone who could never love her and was only using her, and that is a terrifying and humiliating realization to have, and would have made her feel even more alone. This is another one of those, “How would Aunt Tam’s inclusion have effected this?” sort of thing. Azula is nineteen in this fic. Would she have been able to make more progress in recognizing Ozai’s abusiveness earlier, had she had a healthy adult relationship as contrast? I would hope so, but I’m not sure.

Moving on, Zuko’s response to this is that Azula will never forgive him anyway, and Zuko will never forgive himself, so why not just kill Ozai? Iroh tries to appeal to Zuko’s better nature here, but honestly, the best reason to give Zuko is that it would be political suicide, which—while Zuko might not care about how it affects him—would negatively impact Mai and Lu Ten. That might have a chance of scaring Zuko straight.

Zuko admits to surrendering to his “lowest instincts,” and a part of me is like, “Iroh, when you realize down the road that (SPOILER) Azula is pregnant, are you going to put these two things together?” I would think that he is smart enough to figure it out, buuuuut again, he has blind spots where Zuko is concerned, and incest is not a conclusion that most people would jump to.

“But Iroh could not help him take it back. He didn’t even know what it was.” There is no taking it back, Iroh. Zuko can’t un-fuck this situation.

In any case, Iroh is going to step in to make sure Zuko survives, even if Zuko doesn’t care about his own survival. Good on you, Iroh, and good luck.

Shifting back over to Azula, she’s shooting down Rai’s messenger hawk to Iroh. That hasn’t been revealed yet, but that is what’s going on here. The bowmaker whose bow she borrowed is not pleased, while the waif who watched her shoot down the bird thinks she’s pretty cool. Azula thinks that her hallucinatory mother should be scolding her for killing animals and threatening small children, and that “defenseless little creatures should know by now to stay away from her . . . Even the stupid turtleducks had that much sense.” This is mildly painful because it’s Azula putting herself down, but also mildly funny in light of the defenseless little creature that will eventually come under Azula’s care.

In any case, the stall-keeper and the kid go tell on Azula for killing the bird, and Azula makes a reference to Toph: “At least the Beifong girl has some excuse, using her feet to see as she did….” Toph and Azula’s potential friendship always intrigues me in fanfic, though who knows if such a thing will form in “Thrones.”

“‘It was that little colonist, with her Fire eyes.’ The earthbenders exchanged a look that Azula couldn’t decipher from her vantage.”—Alright, so the earthbenders have been told to be on the lookout for Azula.

“‘She wasn’t a customer . . . She didn’t even buy anything….’”—I FEEL YOUR PAIN, WEI JIN! RETAIL IS THE WORST!

“Father would, but he was in prison… Soon, she promised herself. And him.”—Girl, let him rot in prison. He deserves it.

Moving on, Azula starts to read Rai’s coded message to Iroh, and feels stung by the betrayal. Betrayal is never going to stop hurting, Zula. The message, in any case, tells Iroh that Azula is traveling incognito, that General How is likely to start a war if he succeeds in killing Azula, and some of Azula’s movements.

“She wondered what clumsy lie Zuko would tell to cover his mistakes this time, and if Iroh and his friends would find him out. Mai had probably discovered the truth already, if she knew that knife-wielding traitor….” Azula maintains a grudging respect of Mai’s competence, even after Mai turned on her. She’s still upset by it, though, if her tears are any indication.

“Her uncle lived in Ba Sing Se now, she recalled, though she couldn’t say just how she knew.”—So her talks with Iroh towards the beginning of her stay in the asylum are murky to her, meaning that she probably doesn’t remember revealing Ozai’s abuse to him.

Azula dismisses the idea of killing Rai, because she doesn’t want to leave a trail of bodies behind her. I’m trying to remember if Azula has actually killed anyone in the backstory established in this fic thus far? I’m thinking that she hasn’t.

We get a funny callback to the series with the enthusiastic merchant on the docks, before Azula returns to the ship. There is also this darkly funny passage as she goes into the captain’s chamber: “In her experience, it was usually enough to simply act purposeful, and no one would question your purpose. A lesson her brother could take to heart. She conceded it might be harder to manipulate appearances with a quarter of your face burned off, but Zuko didn’t even try.” I should not find this amusing, but the audacity of it makes me smile.

Azula then vandalizes the captain’s world map by drawing the Pai Sho grid over it and then begins to forge a new message from Rai to Iroh. During this process, she realizes that Rai was a cook in the palace kitchen and one of the people she banished. She also remembers that Rai was relieved to go, but Azula never followed up on that. Azula admonishes herself for not making this connection sooner, and for trusting Rai like she did her friends.

“But half-hanged? Was she supposed to be in some danger here?”—Holy god, YES, Azula, you’re in a lot of danger! The Earth Kingdom wants to execute you for showing them up!

“A forgery had gained her father his throne”—Azulon’s will, no doubt—“with some timely intervention from her mother”—This was implied in canon, but this confirms that Ursa had a part in Azulon’s death. Apparently Ozai taught Azula how to forge messages early, because of course he did.

“That crafty old bastard could do with a dose of humility anyway.”—Honestly, Iroh, it’s kind of true. You and Azula have more in common in terms of your strategic minds than you think.

“With both of us at it, I’m sure we shall eventually succeed.”—LOL, Azula. Never change.

Azula, with the forged message in tow, robs Rai’s things, including what she briefly worries might be Rai’s life savings. The fact that the thought does give her pause is a reminder that Azula has a conscience, even if she ignores it.

Oh lord, so Azula goes looking for food, and I forgot that Lee decides to attack Azula at the end of this chapter. First he does her the favor of revealing that there is a bounty on her head, including wanted posters. Then he reveals that he’s put blasting jelly on the floor of the hold, because he’s A.) An idiot, and B.) Wants to scare Azula into letting him rape her before he hands her over to the authorities. He’s a real piece of work.

In the ensuing fight, he manages to pin her down, though she bites his tongue and thinks, “It was no defense her father ever taught her, but it served” and my skin crawls. After that, Azula sets his beard on fire, which gets him to let her go. She then knocks him out, but vomits afterwards. “When had she ever been this squeamish? It wasn’t as if she killed him….” I’m pretty sure Azula is reacting to shock from the attempted sexual assault here, and to the reminder of the violations she’s already experienced. Her body remembers, even if her brain is scrambling away from the thought.

“Granted, she had only ever killed one person, and then only technically, since he came back to life.”—So Azula is confirmed to have never actually killed anyone. Good to know!

“For Azula, it was not a matter of wanting to kill anyone. It was a matter of them needing to be dead. She allowed that her brother might be an exception. But then sometimes, she thought he just brought that out in people.”—This makes her very different from Ozai, who took pleasure in dominating over and killing people. Guy basically had a hard-on while burning the Earth Kingdom countryside.

Moving on, Rai finds Azula in the aftermath of the fight and is horrified on Azula’s behalf. Azula immediately reveals that she knows that Rai is a traitor, and Rai is upset at this turn of events—she genuinely wanted to help Azula—though Azula doesn’t see that, instead thinking that Rai is pretending. Azula makes a cynical comment to that effect, which shows us that she’s internalized Ozai’s belief that all people are selfish at heart. Rai, bless her, reveals the death sentence hanging over Azula’s head.

She also tries to get Azula to consider trusting Iroh, but Iroh burned that bridge years ago. He was, after all, the one who said, “She’s crazy and has to go down” to Zuko. He’s also biased in Zuko’s favor, and didn’t tell her doctors some very pertinent information about her, so I don’t think he’s equipped to help Azula. At best, he could hide her, but that wouldn’t be the freedom she wants and needs.

“The cook just gazed sadly at her, the sort of look her mother used to give her when Azula said something unkind.”—Another comparison to Ursa. New AU Idea: Rai adopts Azula and they sail the seas together as pirates. Let’s be honest, Azula would have fun as a pirate queen.

Rai is unsurprised when Azula reveals that she stole her money, and a part of me wonders if Rai purposefully made the money easy to find. After all, she presumably hid money from her abusive husband, so she might have more skill with concealing her valuables than Azula thinks.

“Be thankful it wasn’t your life I took, traitor. But she couldn’t bring herself to say it.”—Yeah, Azula has a conscience, however much she tries to pretend that she doesn’t.

Azula decides that it’s time to leave and doesn’t bother gathering some food before she goes, even though she does think about it. I think she’s too upset to bother, even though it would be the smarter thing to do, strategically speaking. Buying food from a vendor means she might be spotted by her pursuers, after all. The pirates do notice that her shirt has been torn open, but don’t ask about it, or come after her when she steals one of the lifeboats. In an impressive feat of firebending, Azula makes mist steam from the river to cover her escape, and then has a bit of a cry.

“Not for rescue, as most passengers might do on such craft. She knew how that would end, had always known. Even if she denied it to herself. She didn’t know why she denied it to herself.”—Because it’s really fucking lonely to think that no one is coming to help you, Azula, that’s why. Especially when Rai gave you hope that someone would.

The A/N makes a good point about why the situation with Lee had to go down, and going this route means that Azula has finally succeeded in fending off unwanted sexual advances from someone. Right now, though, Azula is very shaken, so we’ll have to see if her confidence in herself takes a hit from this, or is bolstered.

Once again, thank you for the read, Aurelia! I hope to get to chapter eleven sometime soon!

Sincerely, WiseAbsol    

[thecloserkin]

book review: K Webster, Hale (2018)

Genre: Romance

Is it the main pairing: Yes

Is it canon: Yes

Is it explicit: Yes, extremely explicit. In fact if this had been published on literotica i would have accounted it a well-above-average story.

Is it endgame: Yes

Is it shippable: Yes

Bottom line: This is the most vanilla thing I have read in a LONG time and if i hadn’t paid $3.99 for it i doubt I would have bothered to finish it

I picked up this title because shipcestuous added it to her to-read shelf on goodreads, and while it’s clear from the editorial copy (“This book is an epic, emotional, raw love story”) that they think something groundbreaking is going on here, I would like to direct these amateurs to the Sibling Incest tag on Ao3. Or the Incest Shipping Yay page on TVtropes. Or Astrid’s now-defunct blog, if tumblr ever sees fit to restore it. Trust me, you do not have to be doing anything experimental or original for me to enjoy your tropetastic incest story. You don’t even have to be good with words. Stephenie Meyer, for instance, is not what anybody would call a first-rate stylist, and yet I’ve never had any trouble finishing any of her books (none of which feature incest, but the point was about writing generally).

Hudson and Rylie Hale lose their parents in a tragic car accident. Their shared grief is the catalyst for the affair that blooms between them, and I will give them this much: these kids at least know better than to leave any incriminating texts or pictures lying around on their phones. Their vigilance in the digital realm is then completely nullified by the way they conduct themselves irl—they’re walked in on by (1) their aunt aka Rylie’s guardian and (2) Hudson’s roommate at college, all within a week of getting together. I know the risk of being caught is part of the allure of incestuous relationships, but these clowns need to learn to keep it in their pants at least until they can find a closet.

In my opinion this story would have benefitted from an Outsider POV or two. Not every story needs one—Cathy Dollanganger’s first-person POV is more than adequate to carry Flowers in the Attic, and speaking of authors who are shoddy stylists, look at how bad V.C. Andrews was, and how little it mattered—but there’s not enough substance to either Hudson or Rylie’s characters for their alternating POVs to keep the reader invested. In brief, Rylie’s clinically depressed, and Hudson’s attending college on a baseball scholarship. There’s a scene where they watch a movie together and end up fucking on the couch, which would usually be my jam (standard sibling interaction leads to white-hot sex), except I was boooooored. There’s a scene where she visits him at school and they go skinny-dipping in a lake with some of his friends, and they both have to fight off the attentions of prospective romantic partners, and it ends with him carrying her to his truck and fucking her in the back off it. Which again in theory sounds amazing. In practice I think the jealousy trope works better if you’re threatened by your partner’s emotional intimacy with somebody else. And what is Rylie worried about? That this girl has porn star tits, where Rylie is much more modestly endowed. Ok you know who else has small tits? Natalie Portman. Keira Knightley. Emma Watson. Physically unprepossessing women the whole lot of them, amirite? Rylie is overcome by the same unwarranted insecurity when it comes to Hudson’s on-again-off-again ex-girlfriend, who is described as having humongous knockers. I understand how this can make Rylie feel inadequate—women are taught to hate their bodies from day one—but this chick also clearly has nothing going on upstairs, and her emotional connection with Hudson is nowhere in Rylie’s league. So Rylie’s jealousy strikes me as unearned and unrealistic.

Hudson and Rylie spend a good chunk of this book struggling against their feelings, berating themselves for being sick and twisted, all of which would normally be my kryptonite since i am on record gushing about the taboo/forbidden angle of incest and how I’m into sneaking around!! And none of it did damn thing for me in this case. The more reviews I read that contain the word “raw” the more I start to wonder if we all read the same book.

SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS

As far as canon incest happy ending goes, the “run away together to where nobody knows you guys” strategy has its drawbacks, namely that it means leaving loved ones behind. I have discussed my preference for Option B before, but that option isn’t on the table for Hudson and Rylie because THEY GOT THEMSELVES CAUGHT IN THE ACT and exposed their relationship to multiple people so they can’t plausibly carry on denying it. Especially when Rylie starts popping out kids. Look, I’m into pregnancy kink as much as the next person but it just seems unearned. As is the fact that Hudson found a good-paying steady job even without the college degree their parents worked so hard to push him to get (he was kicked off the baseball team + lost his scholarship due to a combination of grieving for parents & obsessive infatuation for sister). This is America, where good jobs don’t just fall into high school graduates’ laps (unless you have family connections, which the Hale kids don’t, bc they had to move a thousand miles away to live amongst strangers!). And I can’t write these lapses off to the influence of the genre because I know there can be coherent class discourse in a romance novel.

A professor of mine once gave me a copy of Reading the Romance: Women, Patriarchy and Popular Literature (1984) by Janice Radway, and it remains to this day one of the most transformative nonfiction reading experiences of my entire life. Janice Radway conducts interviews with dozens of mostly-married, mostly-middle-aged women in a midsize midwestern American city, and finds that for them reading romance novels is a form of self-care. They spend the rest of their time supporting and nurturing their families & extended social networks, but with a Harlequin romance in hand, husbands are much less likely to bother them. They can carve out time and space for themselves, they can draw from these escapist fantasies the emotional sustenance that their marriages/children are not providing. They can form friendships with like-minded women who also read a lot of romance. It resonated deeply with me even if I’m not a middle-aged white homemaker in middle America in 1984, because ever since, I’ve been very clear-eyed about why I read romance: To meet my own emotional needs that are for some reason not being met by my existing meatspace relationships. That, to me, is the point of the romance genre, and to hell with character and plot. And that’s why I say Hale let me down, because it didn’t succeed in making me feel anything.

There’s a post floating around that contrasts the way we categorize published fiction (by genre, ie. what happens—wizards or starships? corsets or lawyers?) with fanfiction, which is organized based on how it makes us feel: fluff, angst, hurt/comfort, etc. And fic has never let me down in that department, so I guess that’s why romance and fanfic fall under the same mental classification in my head. In this essay I will

[teamkrissy]

L.P.D.: Libertarian Police Department

by Tom O'donnell

I was shooting heroin and reading “The Fountainhead” in the front seat of my privately owned police cruiser when a call came in. I put a quarter in the radio to activate it. It was the chief.

“Bad news, detective. We got a situation.”

“What? Is the mayor trying to ban trans fats again?”

“Worse. Somebody just stole four hundred and forty-seven million dollars’ worth of bitcoins.”

The heroin needle practically fell out of my arm. “What kind of monster would do something like that? Bitcoins are the ultimate currency: virtual, anonymous, stateless. They represent true economic freedom, not subject to arbitrary manipulation by any government. Do we have any leads?”

“Not yet. But mark my words: we’re going to figure out who did this and we’re going to take them down … provided someone pays us a fair market rate to do so.”

“Easy, chief,” I said. “Any rate the market offers is, by definition, fair.”

He laughed. “That’s why you’re the best I got, Lisowski. Now you get out there and find those bitcoins.”

“Don’t worry,” I said. “I’m on it.”

I put a quarter in the siren. Ten minutes later, I was on the scene. It was a normal office building, strangled on all sides by public sidewalks. I hopped over them and went inside.

“Home Depot™ Presents the Police!®” I said, flashing my badge and my gun and a small picture of Ron Paul. “Nobody move unless you want to!” They didn’t.

“Now, which one of you punks is going to pay me to investigate this crime?” No one spoke up.

“Come on,” I said. “Don’t you all understand that the protection of private property is the foundation of all personal liberty?”

It didn’t seem like they did.

“Seriously, guys. Without a strong economic motivator, I’m just going to stand here and not solve this case. Cash is fine, but I prefer being paid in gold bullion or autographed Penn Jillette posters.”

Nothing. These people were stonewalling me. It almost seemed like they didn’t care that a fortune in computer money invented to buy drugs was missing.

I figured I could wait them out. I lit several cigarettes indoors. A pregnant lady coughed, and I told her that secondhand smoke is a myth. Just then, a man in glasses made a break for it.

“Subway™ Eat Fresh and Freeze, Scumbag!®” I yelled.

Too late. He was already out the front door. I went after him.

“Stop right there!” I yelled as I ran. He was faster than me because I always try to avoid stepping on public sidewalks. Our country needs a private-sidewalk voucher system, but, thanks to the incestuous interplay between our corrupt federal government and the public-sidewalk lobby, it will never happen.

I was losing him. “Listen, I’ll pay you to stop!” I yelled. “What would you consider an appropriate price point for stopping? I’ll offer you a thirteenth of an ounce of gold and a gently worn ‘Bob Barr ‘08’ extra-large long-sleeved men’s T-shirt!”

He turned. In his hand was a revolver that the Constitution said he had every right to own. He fired at me and missed. I pulled my own gun, put a quarter in it, and fired back. The bullet lodged in a U.S.P.S. mailbox less than a foot from his head. I shot the mailbox again, on purpose.

“All right, all right!” the man yelled, throwing down his weapon. “I give up, cop! I confess: I took the bitcoins.”

“Why’d you do it?” I asked, as I slapped a pair of Oikos™ Greek Yogurt Presents Handcuffs® on the guy.

“Because I was afraid.”

“Afraid?”

“Afraid of an economic future free from the pernicious meddling of central bankers,” he said. “I’m a central banker.”

I wanted to coldcock the guy. Years ago, a central banker killed my partner. Instead, I shook my head.

“Let this be a message to all your central-banker friends out on the street,” I said. “No matter how many bitcoins you steal, you’ll never take away the dream of an open society based on the principles of personal and economic freedom.”

He nodded, because he knew I was right. Then he swiped his credit card to pay me for arresting him.

[sasuke-uchiha-started-antifa]

I was shooting heroin and reading “The Fountainhead” in the front seat of my privately owned police cruiser when a call came in. I put a quarter in the radio to activate it. It was the chief.

“Bad news, detective. We got a situation.”

“What? Is the mayor trying to ban trans fats again?”

“Worse. Somebody just stole four hundred and forty-seven million dollars’ worth of bitcoins.”

The heroin needle practically fell out of my arm. “What kind of monster would do something like that? Bitcoins are the ultimate currency: virtual, anonymous, stateless. They represent true economic freedom, not subject to arbitrary manipulation by any government. Do we have any leads?”

“Not yet. But mark my words: we’re going to figure out who did this and we’re going to take them down … provided someone pays us a fair market rate to do so.”

“Easy, chief,” I said. “Any rate the market offers is, by definition, fair.”

He laughed. “That’s why you’re the best I got, Lisowski. Now you get out there and find those bitcoins.”

“Don’t worry,” I said. “I’m on it.”

I put a quarter in the siren. Ten minutes later, I was on the scene. It was a normal office building, strangled on all sides by public sidewalks. I hopped over them and went inside.

“Home Depot™ Presents the Police!®” I said, flashing my badge and my gun and a small picture of Ron Paul. “Nobody move unless you want to!” They didn’t.

“Now, which one of you punks is going to pay me to investigate this crime?” No one spoke up.

“Come on,” I said. “Don’t you all understand that the protection of private property is the foundation of all personal liberty?”

It didn’t seem like they did.

“Seriously, guys. Without a strong economic motivator, I’m just going to stand here and not solve this case. Cash is fine, but I prefer being paid in gold bullion or autographed Penn Jillette posters.”

Nothing. These people were stonewalling me. It almost seemed like they didn’t care that a fortune in computer money invented to buy drugs was missing.

I figured I could wait them out. I lit several cigarettes indoors. A pregnant lady coughed, and I told her that secondhand smoke is a myth. Just then, a man in glasses made a break for it.

“Subway™ Eat Fresh and Freeze, Scumbag!®” I yelled.

Too late. He was already out the front door. I went after him.

“Stop right there!” I yelled as I ran. He was faster than me because I always try to avoid stepping on public sidewalks. Our country needs a private-sidewalk voucher system, but, thanks to the incestuous interplay between our corrupt federal government and the public-sidewalk lobby, it will never happen.

I was losing him. “Listen, I’ll pay you to stop!” I yelled. “What would you consider an appropriate price point for stopping? I’ll offer you a thirteenth of an ounce of gold and a gently worn ‘Bob Barr ‘08’ extra-large long-sleeved men’s T-shirt!”

He turned. In his hand was a revolver that the Constitution said he had every right to own. He fired at me and missed. I pulled my own gun, put a quarter in it, and fired back. The bullet lodged in a U.S.P.S. mailbox less than a foot from his head. I shot the mailbox again, on purpose.

“All right, all right!” the man yelled, throwing down his weapon. “I give up, cop! I confess: I took the bitcoins.”

“Why’d you do it?” I asked, as I slapped a pair of Oikos™ Greek Yogurt Presents Handcuffs® on the guy.

“Because I was afraid.”

“Afraid?”

“Afraid of an economic future free from the pernicious meddling of central bankers,” he said. “I’m a central banker.”

I wanted to coldcock the guy. Years ago, a central banker killed my partner. Instead, I shook my head.

“Let this be a message to all your central-banker friends out on the street,” I said. “No matter how many bitcoins you steal, you’ll never take away the dream of an open society based on the principles of personal and economic freedom.”

He nodded, because he knew I was right. Then he swiped his credit card to pay me for arresting him.

[leafallsonelines]

Bizarre Love Triangle

I'm not sure what this could mean I don't think you're what you seem I do admit to myself, that if I hurt someone else Then I'll never see just what we're meant to be  -New Order

I didn't want to get into a relationship.

He wore me down and soon enough I was the one crazy about him. I always answer to the undefinably strong pull toward a certain person. I was soul weary and needed a break from emotional turmoil. When you meet somebody else, they're the main character of their own love story (just like I am in mine; as it should be). I'm privy to fact that we all have a history, especially when dating in your late 20's and 30's. I wasn't ready for our stories to collide.

I desperately wanted to avoid cluttering my life with someone else's relationship baggage when I haven't even taken care of mine. He campaigned hard for the relationship. I went for it.

Despite my better judgment I always cave—give in to that desire — anticipate and absorb the pain that inevitably follows.

I told you that story to tell you this one.

Back in 2014 the term Cool Girl ™ was coined to describe women who change their personality for male approval. (The shtick is contrived and annoying once you spot it.) She doesn't have a solid sense of self and basks in attention to fill. That void; hoards men like Thanksgiving hams and gets territorial when she's not The Girl. She gets kicks from seeing how uncomfortable she can make other girls by openly flirting with their boyfriends just to watch them squirm. This act is so played out most people have an eye roll ready for anyone flying the “I'm not like other girls” banner. (Gen Z now calls them Pick-Me-Girls ™.)

I crossed paths with one in 2018 — my boyfriend's best friend of sixteen years. A self-indulgent, selfish friendship. I wasn't initially jealous, didn't interrupt, and it came back to bite me; it was hideously unfair.

For storytelling purposes let's call her “Kate Luu.” Kate, an incestuous tigermom who gets jealous of any girl her son gets with, a petulant toddler that would rather break a toy than let someone else play with it. Probably has BPD. Definitely needs a good therapist.

Like a lot of dewy eyed girls newly in love I conveniently dismissed the red flags around my boyfriend and Kate. I had empathy for them because of my past platonic friendships with flirty undertones. Guys would respectfully fall back when they got into relationships or if I Was in one. I struggled with the slow withdrawal of warmth, missed the emotional intimacy, but recognized it as the right call and moved on. A lot of young adults exploring their sexuality go through this. As I got older I favored female friendships for being uncomplicated, preferring to avoid unwanted sexual tension.

Empathy without boundaries is self-destruction.

A couple weeks after celebrating our one year anniversary Kate texts me, “We need to talk.” Alarms immediately go off in my head. The last few months I had started bringing attention to the bad vibe I was getting and the inappropriate nature of the relationship. I got tired of biting my tongue. He didn't know how to process it or correct it. His lingering infatuation with her made it impossible for him to distance himself or enforce new boundaries. He started hiding it instead. I caught him being intentionally ambiguous about his plans when going to see her. He fumbled himself into an emotional affair.

Princess Diana famously described her marriage to Charles as “crowded.” It was an unmistakable reference to his affair with Camilla. Looking back the (justifiable) anxiety I had was from being crowded. Intuition is not insecurity.

I met Kate for coffee and she read aloud a pathetic five page letter telling me I'm a bad girlfriend and “full of shit.” She was intervening on his behalf as the person who knows what's best for my boyfriend.

“It's none of your business.”

But no, she has the authority to interfere as his best friend of  sixteen years  and I was a  one year  nothing. She brought up the fact he was attracted to her first, told me I'm spineless and ruining their friendship with my insecurity. (She _really _ran with the words spineless and insecure.)

Accusations are confessions when they come from a manipulative person. Textbook projection. She was mad her narcissistic supply was tapering off. (Gaslighting Pro-tip: Label rightful jealousy as insecurity.)

My boyfriend gave her personal, intimate details of my life during their oversharings and she used that information to bully me. Nothing was off the table, including my sexual history. I can see how she manipulated him, but it was inexcusable. People who enable They leave the door open for endless rows of inappropriate behavior. All of this was happening behind my back for a year. That kind of intimate toxicity are suckers for ego massages.

Don't you just love a story where the villain puts all the evidence of her misdeeds in one letter and unravels into epic, illogical rage all in one afternoon, in the space of two hours?

How did Kate have time to write five pages of false narratives designed to destroy a relationship she was jealous of? She doesn't have a job. She's a pampered dog mom living in her rich fiancé's house for free. A busybody performatively taking care of other people to avoid a mountain of personal issues. (An unevolved Virgo.)

Don't worry about what I'm doing. Worry about why you're worried about what I'm doing.

Kate has many noticeable traits as an obnoxious, self-important person — an absolute fake. She calls herself a _philanthropist _without having done anything philanthropic or even knowing how to use the word; she literally saw a big SAT word that means good person and attached Herself to it. (A word assigned to big charitable donors like Bill Gates, not bloggers). She has the same relationship with the word “unconventional” and thinks using a bigger word for unique or quirky makes her even more unique and quirky. Nope, still basic.) In place of possessing any actual humor she repeats memorized dad jokes and leans into corny, forced puns. If this isn't annoying enough she then insists she's funny. (Funny people just make you laugh. They never have to tell people they're funny. Barfs in, “I speak fluent sarcasm.”)

If I poked a finger through her shallow veneer I'd find loose dirt and dog shit.

And you know what? I'm not even against intense friend love. I get it. I groove to “One Love.” Emotional freedom is important. Expressions of love are multitudinous. It should transform to fit the situation. She didn't respect basic boundaries to make room for all of us to be comfortable. She was just mad she got demoted and tried to burn the whole thing down.

Kate wanted to be the main character in my boyfriend's love story without ever actually dating him. Oh yes, I know — the audacity, the toxic lack of boundaries, the mind numbing arrogance. She's not even protagonist material — a papier-mâché hipster who got her personality from an Urban Outfitters catalog and can't stop contradicting herself despite the fact she is working off a pre-written letter. I have never encountered someone who thought so highly of herself while having almost no substance. She calls herself a writer , but is just a pseudo-intellectual English major who posts aesthetic word salad on Instagram.

Later on I realized that if someone is mean to you unprovoked it's jealousy. One of the catalysts for the meetup was a heartfelt anniversary post I wrote on Instagram. It's not my usual style, but I felt gushy and really went full blown poetic and swoony She's jealous that her own, brought up love and Birth of Venus, blah blah blah. She mentioned my IG post and even admitted it was poetic and well written, but proceeded to use that as the jumping off point to invalidate the love in it. writing is try-hard drivel; a woman in her thirties mentally stuck in 2011 tumblr cringe.

If she truly wanted him she should have pursued him honestly and not wait to mess with another person. Hell, even just owning up to her feelings and saying, “I realize I may have lost my chance with you. Is there still anything in our sixteen year history that makes you want to give us a shot instead? ”à la My Best Friend's Wedding. Treading some moral gray area, but way more acceptable than actively sabotaging a relationship.

She didn't really want him though. She just wanted to continue their friendship in that inappropriate flirtationship space to feed her ego. After the coffee date she ended their friendship in an email. That really important sixteen year friendship became disposable to her once she wasn't able to control it.

Sometimes trash does the public service of loudly identifying itself as trash and takes itself out.

If you're a female best “friend” to a guy in a relationship and you need to flex on “I was here first” and “We did this before you were in the picture,” then you were never interested in seeing that friend thrive in a romantic relationship. You just get off on being his favorite unfulfilled option. If seeing him in love with someone new has you feeling that miserable you're just being selfish. Real love doesn't overstep in a new relationship so you can hog their spotlight. You're not even a friend; you're a skunk marking your territory and keeping him in the friendzone while not really wanting him to have a girlfriend.

You learn to love somebody in their love language and not just yours. Selfish love is not real love. That's just using someone to fill a place. Maybe a distraction. Seeking anything in return isn't real love because if you want that you actually don't have love to give; it's fake; it's toxic. If there's someone who isn't around anymore and you miss them consider the fact that you might just miss the place they held in your life. (You have the freedom to fill that space anyway you want.)

She realized she burned through all her goodwill thus the sudden ghosting and extracting herself. I never asked my partner to pick me or issued any ultimatums. Sometimes important questions stay unanswered. Sometimes you have to move on without the apology you deserve. There is grief in never receiving closure.

My partner finally saw my concerns validated in the aftermath. I bubbled with rage remembering excuses he made for her. Day in and day out I was drinking from an overflowing cup of righteous anger. So what was his role in this? Stupid or co- conspirator?

He was oblivious.

“I can't believe you could've left me for a wannabe influencer.”

I switched my phone wallpaper from his picture to a solid color. Looking at his face filled me with disgust. There's only so much letting go you can ask someone to do. I knew I still loved him, but anytime a woman is hurt she becomes less interested.

How do you recover from unknowingly letting a toxic bitch walk all over and jeopardize your relationship?

Friends told me to move on, date other people. He campaigned for the relationship again. We did the work of picking up the pieces and starting over. 

I'm not pretending to be perfect. I was reeling from back to back traumas. My soft spots turned hard and cynical. It was my turn to be the toxic one. I drove to work sobbing everyday for a month. I complained constantly. My default became anxious and suspicious. I'm so out of touch with the person I was before; she's a stupidly innocent, free-spirited stranger to me. It took time for the poison leach out.

It's a lot of baggage.

The couples who make it aren't always the ones that never had a reason to break up. They're the ones that decide their commitment to each other is more important than their mistakes. Fast forward to the herculean effort he made to earn back my trust and we're still very happily together. (This is published with his permission.)

Our relationship is more grounded in reality now. It's not crowded anymore. Somethings more precious from having almost been lost. Somethings will never be the same. I'm the villain in her story, just as much as she's the villain in mine. We get to live out our own endings and there is peace in that.

Hurtful, painful, memories. Memories of deep regrets, memories of hurting and being hurt. Memories of being abandoned. Only those with such memories buried in their hearts can become stronger, more passionate, and emotionally flexible. Only those can obtain happiness. So Don't forget any of it. Remember it all and overcome it. If you don't overcome it, you'll always be a kid whose soul never grows.  -The Boy Who Fed On Nightmares

[seymour-butz-stuff]

I was shooting heroin and reading “The Fountainhead” in the front seat of my privately owned police cruiser when a call came in. I put a quarter in the radio to activate it. It was the chief.

“Bad news, detective. We got a situation.”

“What? Is the mayor trying to ban trans fats again?”

“Worse. Somebody just stole four hundred and forty-seven million dollars’ worth of bitcoins.”

The heroin needle practically fell out of my arm.

“What kind of monster would do something like that? Bitcoins are the ultimate currency: virtual, anonymous, stateless. They represent true economic freedom, not subject to arbitrary manipulation by any government. Do we have any leads?”

“Not yet. But mark my words: we’re going to figure out who did this and we’re going to take them down … provided someone pays us a fair market rate to do so.”

“Easy, chief,” I said. “Any rate the market offers is, by definition, fair.”

He laughed. “That’s why you’re the best I got, Lisowski. Now you get out there and find those bitcoins.”

“Don’t worry,” I said. “I’m on it.”

I put a quarter in the siren. Ten minutes later, I was on the scene. It was a normal office building, strangled on all sides by public sidewalks. I hopped over them and went inside.

“Home Depot™ Presents the Police!®” I said, flashing my badge and my gun and a small picture of Ron Paul. “Nobody move unless you want to!” They didn’t.

“Now, which one of you punks is going to pay me to investigate this crime?” No one spoke up.

“Come on,” I said. “Don’t you all understand that the protection of private property is the foundation of all personal liberty?”

It didn’t seem like they did.

“Seriously, guys. Without a strong economic motivator, I’m just going to stand here and not solve this case. Cash is fine, but I prefer being paid in gold bullion or autographed Penn Jillette posters.”

Nothing. These people were stonewalling me. It almost seemed like they didn’t care that a fortune in computer money invented to buy drugs was missing.

I figured I could wait them out. I lit several cigarettes indoors. A pregnant lady coughed, and I told her that secondhand smoke is a myth. Just then, a man in glasses made a break for it.

“Subway™ Eat Fresh and Freeze, Scumbag!®” I yelled.

Too late. He was already out the front door. I went after him.

“Stop right there!” I yelled as I ran. He was faster than me because I always try to avoid stepping on public sidewalks. Our country needs a private-sidewalk voucher system, but, thanks to the incestuous interplay between our corrupt federal government and the public-sidewalk lobby, it will never happen.

I was losing him. “Listen, I’ll pay you to stop!” I yelled. “What would you consider an appropriate price point for stopping? I’ll offer you a thirteenth of an ounce of gold and a gently worn ‘Bob Barr ‘08’ extra-large long-sleeved men’s T-shirt!”

He turned. In his hand was a revolver that the Constitution said he had every right to own. He fired at me and missed. I pulled my own gun, put a quarter in it, and fired back. The bullet lodged in a U.S.P.S. mailbox less than a foot from his head. I shot the mailbox again, on purpose.

“All right, all right!” the man yelled, throwing down his weapon. “I give up, cop! I confess: I took the bitcoins.”

“Why’d you do it?” I asked, as I slapped a pair of Oikos™ Greek Yogurt Presents Handcuffs® on the guy.

“Because I was afraid.”

“Afraid?”

“Afraid of an economic future free from the pernicious meddling of central bankers,” he said. “I’m a central banker.”

I wanted to coldcock the guy. Years ago, a central banker killed my partner. Instead, I shook my head.

“Let this be a message to all your central-banker friends out on the street,” I said. “No matter how many bitcoins you steal, you’ll never take away the dream of an open society based on the principles of personal and economic freedom.”

He nodded, because he knew I was right. Then he swiped his credit card to pay me for arresting him.

[dailyaudiobible]

07/08/2020 DAB Transcript

1 Chronicles 5:18-6:81, Acts 26:1-32, Psalms 6:1-10, Proverbs 18:20-21

Today is the 8th day of July welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I’m Brian it is a joy and a privilege and an honor to be here with you today as we take the next step forward. Hopefully you had a good long walk yesterday. I love seeing all the pictures. I had a wonderful time myself. Feeling refreshed and ready to hear from the Scriptures today. So, we’ll go back into the book of first Chronicles that we’ve been working our way through. And we’re reading from the English Standard Version this week. First Chronicles chapter 5 verse 18 through 6 verse 81 today.

Commentary:

Okay. So in the book of Acts today, Paul is again given the opportunity to share the message of Jesus and he does it while he's offering his own defense against the accusations that the religious leaders of the…of the Jewish people had…had leveled against him that had kept him incarcerated. And, so, like today he's defending himself while sharing the gospel with the new Roman governor whose name was Festus before King Herod Agrippa the second and the king's sister Bernice. And there’s a ton of speculation that the king and his sister Bernice were involved in an incestuous relationship and they were both the children of Drusilla who was the wife of the previous Roman governor, Felix. And Paul spent a lot of time with Felix. The book of Acts tells us the Felix sent for him often, was even kinda hoping for a bribe. So, it's important to just see. You know, Paul traveled all over the Roman Empire, establishing churches among the people, but now, because of his incarceration, because of the things that have happened that have got him under arrest and because he's defending himself, he's now sharing the gospel with the most influential people in the world at least this time and in this region. I mean since he was arrested in Jerusalem, he has shared the gospel with two Roman governors, the Jewish high Council, a king and two of the king's sisters. And he just he just shared the gospel. Like he didn't try to work it, you know, like to work it so he can get free. Like he just shared the gospel. It was his imprisonment that had opened the door to him even being in front of these people and he's facing all kinds of opposition. This is the same way Jesus was treated. This is the same way Jesus told His followers that they would be treated and for that matter that we could find ourselves being treated. So, you know, things come against you, come against you, come against you, knock you down, knock you down, knock you down. You start throwing your hands up in the air going, “like, what do I gotta do to have a single day of smoothness.” I gotta confess I have I have done this. So, I'm speaking from experience. But what we see in the New Testament is the long view, a greater view an eternal view - eyes that are open to the fact that even if human life is taken away it's not going to end life, this greater view that God's will is going to be done and He's going to do it through His people, and if it takes a long time that He is merciful and patient but we’re all participating in the march forward and we have to march ourselves forward so that we can collectively be marching forward. We all have a role to play. We all have a part in this, and with the greater view, God's intention is to restore all things, to make all things new and we are marching forward on that path than that allows immediate circumstances to have context that still allows for hope even in the darkest of times. And we’re seeing this in the life of the apostle Paul as he goes really through his prison ministry, prison years.

Prayer:

Father as we continue this journey we invite Your Holy Spirit to continue to apply Your word to our lives, giving us awareness, opening our eyes, giving us context because we lose it all the time, ever day, all the time we lose the plot of the story. And yet Your word continues to show us the narrow path and return us to it and we are grateful. And, so, come Holy Spirit and plant the words from the Scriptures in our hearts and minds so that they become a part of our lives today. We ask in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is the website and that's home base for all things around the Global Campfire, all the things that are going on around here. So, check that out.

We had the Daily Audio Bible long walk yesterday and it's been beautiful as it is every year to see the different long walks that have been posted up to the to the Daily Audio Bible Facebook page and enjoy that. And O, I had a great time myself so needed, so needed. So needed, to just mark a day on the calendar and go like, “this day right here I have nothing to do but be with God and just let the day unfold. So, I trust that was a beautiful time for you as well. And you can see all…all that I’m talking about on the Facebook page for the Daily Audio Bible.

And we released a resource called Heart, a contemplative journey yesterday. That the certainly was a conversation starter for the long walk but it is really meant to be that at any point in time that we need to step away and we need an oasis that we need a reminder that we need to remember the goodness of God and His presence in all of the things that we feel and to help us interpret how we’re feeling as opposed to just feeling like we live in a washing machine on spin cycle all of the time. So, that resource is available, and you can get it at the iTunes store or at the Google Play. So, certainly check that out. Search for…you can search for my name or you can search for Hearty, a contemplative journey. And let's keep the conversation going.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, thank you humbly, profoundly for your partnership as we move into and through the summertime. There is a link on the homepage at dailyaudiobible.com. If you’re using the Daily Audio Bible app, you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or the mailing address, if that's your preference is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And, as always, if you have a prayer request or encouragement, you can get the Hotline button in the app, which is the little red button at the top or you can dial 877-942-4253.

And that's it for today. I'm Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hello everybody this is Carmen from Germany. I haven’t called in for a while, but I do continue to listen daily. I start every morning with Brian and also the Chronological and I…I think I hardly ever miss a day. Sometimes I hit rewind and listen to parts again. Anyway, I just wanted to say I am so looking forward to the long walk. I’ve got…had this day planned for a couple weeks since I heard about it. I preordered a copy of Heart and hope since we’re ahead of you that it will download before I leave the house in the morning. I have planned to take a nice walk out by a lake around noon time. So, it’s just exciting. I’m…it’s almost like I’m looking forward to a date, not that I’ve been on a date for years and years but it’s just this excitement, you know, me and God we’ve got this date planned. And I’m going to go out cycling this morning because I have a little time before I have to work in the afternoon, but the long walk is just something different. It’s something I’ve been planning now. And, so, I’m just so looking forward to it. The sun is shining here in Germany. We have a beautiful summer day. And, so, I’m just…just…yeah…full of full of emotion and…and excitement to spend this time with God alone and get away with Him knowing that all of you guys are doing the same thing. So, yeah, it’s almost like a date with you guys too because we’re all going to be praying on that day and have an extra special intense time. Anyway, I just wanted to say greetings to all of you. I’m doing well and love you all. I love this ministry and I’m just so happy that we’re a family. Have a great day and look forward to uniting with you in prayer. Bye.

Good morning DAB family this is Oligna I’m a five-year consistent listener of the DAB and Chronological with China and I’m calling to ask for prayer for my family because of the passing of our daughter roughly about a week ago on Tuesday the 23rd and she passed away then but she had a…our grandson, Djai, but we previous to that, the passing, and she had him two months early. So, he was due in August, but she had him, like I said, a week previous to her death. So, we called to ask for prayer for our family so that we can continue her legacy through Djai when he comes home from the hospital. He is in the hospital right now in the ICU and he is gaining health and growing. So, we called to ask for prayer for that situation and for his continued health and for our continued support of him as he comes home from the hospital. Thank you and God bless.

Dear DAB family this is Dorothy out in California and I learned a lesson today and I’m wondering if someone else can benefit from it to. I’m gonna read what I wrote in my journal. I am not less than because of the bad experiences I went through. I am still a flower no matter what stage it’s in, whole, complete. God wants you to live life. He gave you life so you could live. He who is the son sets free is free indeed. Do not enslave yourselves again to a yoke of bondage. If God says you are free, God is not…then you are free, God is not a liar. Do not be held captive by your thoughts, painful memories, yokes other people made for you. For you were bought with a price, Jesus’s blood who set you free. In Jesus’ name. Live in freedom as Christ has set you free. He…His plans are greater than your plans. The walls are in your mind. Don’t be afraid to live because God’s get you back. [singing starts] I am not alone. I am not alone. You go before me. You will never leave me. I am not alone. I am not alone. You go before me. You will never leave me [singing ends].

This is Trusting God in Texas and I have in urgent prayer request for my son. It’s been a really, really tough week. He…he’s my only child and he has been healthy until now and now he is hospitalized with what appears to be his first manic episode and he’s refusing to take medication and we really need help. Please pray for God to heal him and for him to open his eyes and give him discernment that he would take the medications recommended so that he can start healing while we wait in earnest expectation for God to completely heal him. This has turned our lives upside down. I pray for everybody that has mental illness and I’ve been praying daily for people to call in for all kinds of things. I’m praying for his little Cherry. I’m praying for On Angels Wings in Canada. I’ve been praying for John in Africa. I’ve been praying for Mina. I’ve been praying for all kinds of people who call in, the woman who couldn’t get her medications that has bipolar disease. But I just ask you right now people, please help us, please pray for my son, please pray for our family, please just help us to get through this, please help my son to take the medication. Thank you.

Good morning DAB family God bless you all I pray in the name of Jesus for each of you and I’m believing that God is going to be working in each one of your lives. Happy birthday Jill! God bless you sweetheart. I just pray that you have an awesome awesome awesome day with your family. All right, this is for the prodigal spouses. I heard Adrian today from Wyoming and her unbelieving husband who is persecuting her and from rubber ducky from Kentucky, your prodigal wife and all the prodigal spouses out there. Father God I come to You in the name of Jesus Father God and Father God I am lifting up these prodigal spouses Father God. Father God Your desire is for our marriages to be equally yoked. Father God it is Your desire Father God that we are to usher in Father God those spirits Father God in the name of Jesus that are gonna unite husband and wife equally yoked Father God in the name of Jesus. May we have the authorities believe in the name of Jesus that as believing spouses that we’re going to be able to have the moment that God is going to ordain to minister to our spouses and it does not have to be just through words, it’s going to be through our actions, through our deeds, that they are going to see the love of Christ Father God in us Father God so that we may be strong in this fight Father God as we fight for their souls Father God in the name of Jesus Father God. We ask You for Your wisdom and discernment Father God and a heart that breaks Yours. This is Esther from Orlando Florida…

Good morning DAB family it’s Sunday, July the 5th this prayer is for Brian the college student. I’ve just been lifting you up. Just wanted to call in and so maybe you would hear that people are praying for you and probably so many more are that haven’t called in. I meant to call in sooner, but I keep putting it off but this morning I just had to stop and do this. So, Brian, keep the faith that has already begun in your heart. You say that you’re just kind of getting back to the Lord. Just remember that the Lord has always been with you. Whatever your story is, whatever your journey has been and just keep hoping and Him and placing all your trust in Him. And we all continue to lift you in prayer. Let us hear from you, let us see and know how things are going. Give us praise report.

Hi this is Sam from Texas stationed in Spain and I am praying for my homeland with this issue as the numbers keep rising from the deaths in people sick from this deadly virus. I…I am a survivor of the virus myself and I know how tough it can be. I am also praying for the gentleman from Fredericksburg Texas. I’m praying for him to find a job, I’m praying for his healing heart at the loss of his wife and also I’m praying that as he visits his family who are nonbelievers the Lord open their hearts and gives Him the words to speak to them about our great Jehovah. And thank you to the lady who sang that __ that song that says you know there’s no one like Jehovah, there’s no one like Jehovah. And that’s what I’m going to stay with today. There’s no one like Jehovah. Thank you in the name of the Lord. Amen.

[gascon-en-exil]

The Top Ten Women of Fire Emblem (As Written by a Gay Man)

#1 - Micaiah

When we were separated during the war, you changed, Sothe. And I changed too. I want to protect Daein more than anything. Our people must be saved, and if I can help in that effort, I will.

Let it not be said that this was an obvious pick simply because Micaiah happens to be a lord, and one from my favorite game in the series moreover. Although I thought it appropriate to end this ranking with a lord I’m well aware that all the women who’ve fulfilled that role in FE (excluding Avatars for obvious reasons) have had to work against writers determined to screw them over in one way or another. There’s not much point therefore in me rehashing the many criticisms, valid or not, that have been leveled against Micaiah over the years. I’m instead going to be breaking down just why I think she works for me as well as she does, and how thoroughly she earns the distinction of being the least narratively compromised female lord in the franchise...for whatever that’s worth.

Revenge of the Jugdral Waifs

Parts of Tellius’s worldbuilding borrow extensively from Jugdral, some in more subtle ways than others. Micaiah is one of its more obvious allusions, as both her look and class design owe much to a group of female light magic users from those games who also exist outside the framework of the traditional clerical classes (some - or all? - of them even share their starting class name with the Japanese name of Micaiah’s third tier class). Deirdre, Julia, Linoan, and Sara are all women of high standing, and three of them are linked by blood to the dark Loptyrian cult not unlike Micaiah’s association with the “dark” goddess Yune. In spite of circumstances that ought to grant them significant plot relevance however all four of these characters are diminished by the narratives of the two games, either kept on the political sidelines in preference to a man or turned into barely-characterized damsels in distress. To paraphrase Markoftheasphodel, Deirdre and Julia in particular encapsulate the whole of Jugdral’s particular brand of misogyny - some of the most important and powerful characters in the setting reduced to tormented plot devices devoid of personality.

It’s probably a stretch to suggest that Micaiah was intentionally written as a means of redeeming these characters after the fact merely because she owes so much of her design to them. Still, that reading is certainly there. Micaiah assumes Julia’s role during Part 4, becoming the human vessel for Yune as Julia is inhabited by the spirit of Naga during the last chapter of FE4. While there’s no arguing that Micaiah drew the short straw when it came to gameplay power-ups from her resident deity, in return she is allowed substantially more screentime and agency even when she’s sharing her body with someone else. Certain characterization threads relative to Micaiah and not Yune, like vengeance against Numida and Lekain and the back story of Micaiah’s relationship with Sothe, are followed through to their conclusions only during Part 4. Also, while it’s Yune calling the shots as the army ascends the Tower of Guidance Micaiah is still an active participant, taking responsibility for awakening Yune before Dheghinsea and saving Lehran among other things. 

It’s a common criticism that Ike takes over the plot of Radiant Dawn from Micaiah, but the truth is that he’s sharing the endgame spotlight with Micaiah and Yune together. Ike is still the saga hero of Tellius - the Seliph equivalent - but Micaiah displays none of Julia’s blankness and passivity at any point. She’s unquestionably closer to being the deuterotagonist of Tellius than any Leif equivalent (Elincia, perhaps?). What’s more, while Linoan must cede her political relevance to Leif and Julia’s epilogue has her being little more than a support to her emperor brother, Micaiah gets to rule the kingdom she’s spent the game trying to save - while not invalidating the rule of her recently-discovered younger sister over her own country, incidentally - whereas Ike leaves the continent to have adventures and gay sex. In Jugdral the best most women can hope to be is support for their ruling husbands; in Tellius all three beorc nations have women ruling them by the end. Indeed, even compared with the other non-Avatar female lords that’s a huge step forward.

Conquest Needs to Take Notes: FE10′s Villain Campaign

This should really be a more controversial statement than it actually is: the Dawn Brigade chapters of FE10, especially those in Part 3, make for a better villain campaign than the entirety of FE14′s Conquest route.

It’s sad how that it isn’t really an exaggeration at all, and even more sad that FE10 doesn’t rely on narrative shortcuts to convey the idea that you’re temporarily playing as the bad guys like Conquest does. Daein isn’t draped entirely in black, and its antagonistic history as a nation saddled with a legacy of racism and Ashnard’s goals of conquest isn’t swept under the rug or left to be inferred only from Path of Radiance. The Daein of Radiant Dawn still displays its anti-laguz prejudice from the previous game, and there’s no indication that that prejudice doesn’t extend to members of the playable cast or that it’s something that will be quickly and cleanly done away with after the credits roll. Micaiah herself plays to the wishes of her racist followers when she has to in Part 3, and though she’s not rabidly bigoted like Jill is in FE9 before her character development she does have a personal interest in not making waves.

I’m not only talking about her ambivalence toward laguz as a Branded, either. One of Micaiah’s most defining traits is her patriotism. It’s a curious element of her character, based in her feelings toward her adopted homeland and willfully unconcerned with Daein’s racism even as it forces her to hide her Brand. It’s rather amusing that probably the most common criticism leveled against Micaiah is that she’s a Mary Sue blindingly adored in-universe, not just because the same could be said for Ike but because that’s exactly what she’s built up to be. If anything the mounting conflict between Ike’s loyal followers - technically the Gallian army and later Crimea and Sanaki’s forces, but they all join together under him - and the cult-ish adherents of “the Maiden of Dawn” deconstructs this accusation. Everyone in Daein may adore her and may have rallied around the Dawn Brigade in a bid to remove the Begnion occupation, but by Part 3 that fervor is shown to be clearly unhealthy and something that Lekain is able to manipulate to his advantage. 

It’s not just the alliance with Begnion that places the Dawn Brigade chapters in villain campaign territory, as Micaiah is forced to resort to increasingly underhanded tactics to satisfy the demands of the senate, from ambushes in the dark to outright war crimes. All the while she’s being ironically proclaimed by her soldiers a symbol of light and divine will, a stark contrast to Nohr’s shadowy branding. It’s a matter of opinion whether Lekain’s blood pact is more or less contrived than the various plot devices that keep Conquest Corrin in line during the invasion of Hoshido, but Micaiah is actually allowed to be genuinely antagonistic toward the armies she’s opposing, in large part because of her pronounced nationalism and the atmosphere of blind worship she’s allowed to grow around her. One of the most important elements of a well-written villain story is that the characters involved shouldn’t think of themselves as the villains unless they’re fully evil and are committed as such (which usually isn’t that interesting anyway). Conquest focuses too much on Corrin’s angst over the ruin of Hoshido and leaves the motivations of the Nohrians vague, whereas Daein in Part 3 carries both its legacy of bigotry and militarism from FE9 and the memory of its glorious uprising against foreign oppression from Part 1. It’s not hard at all to imagine the members of the Dawn Brigade and even the Daein military thinking themselves heroes of their own story, bolstered by a leader determined to do whatever is necessary to save her people.  

The Token(-ish) Het of Tellius

I would be remiss though if I didn’t talk about queer content at some point, because Tellius pretty much runs off the stuff. In that regard Micaiah is admittedly lacking; she has her auto-A support with Sothe and almost nothing else, and while exposition on their early relationship reveals that their bond is a quasi-incestuous one riddled with age issues it’s not in the same league as Nailah/Rafiel totally inverting gender roles, Haar/Jill almost literally robbing the cradle, or Elincia’s complex feelings for her two closest retainers. One can appreciate though that Micaiah/Sothe displays a certain symmetry with Ike/Soren, from parallels in their first meetings to the experiences of one member of each pairing being Branded to their roles at the heads of their respective armies (from a gameplay perspective note that Soren and Sothe stand beside their partners when faced as enemies in 3-13 and 3-E respectively). I might go so far as to say that these symmetries provide additional legitimacy to Ike/Soren as a paired ending, especially since they get their own exposition-laden base conversation in endgame.

Ooh, Shiny!

And ok, my bias in favor of light magic users is on display here too. I was hyped for Micaiah as soon as she appeared in promotional materials as a caster lord, the first and so far only purely magical unit to hold that title. Even notwithstanding the fact that Radiant Dawn is arguably the worst game in the series in which to be a magic user Micaiah has some serious issues as a unit, but at least when she sucks in-game she does so in manner completely distinguishable from the likes of Leif and Roy. She can be a staffbot (she can use Physic as soon as she promotes), she can nuke stuff with Thani and/or Wrath crits thanks to her nonexistent defenses, she can riskily play around her late promotions with Resolve (Easy only, please), and even at the end of the game when she’s probably still frail and will never be fast enough to double everything she’s still the best candidate for Rexaura just because the saints are even worse. I appreciate too that light magic got some much-needed statistical buffs compared to Path of Radiance, and we most likely have Micaiah to thank for that. Even if the game hates her she can make for a fun if challenging unit to use to her greatest potential.

...Now I want to play FE10 again.