#just be like 'trust me' BRO YOU CANT EXPLAIN YOURSELF WHY SHOULD I TRUST YOU

[master-gatherer]

"just because you can't articulate it doesn't mean you're wrong" true but also if you want to communicate you have to find some way to articulate it. Not just b/c other people need to understand your ideas, but so you can stress test your ideas to make sure you're not wrong

B/c you can still be wrong, you see. But you won't know where you went wrong unless you can articulate what you're thinking

[bakugohoex]

I was rewatching death note and when L did his monster speech this request was born! So the idea is Bakugo and iida (separately ) with a s/o who has trust issues and is liar ,nothing extremely serious like betraying them! More like smaller stuff? They probably confront them asking why they lie so much!”

({and btw if you haven’t herd L’s monster speech you should for inspiration buts that’s your choice! Have a happy holiday!✨)

“y/n just tell me the fucking truth for once”

pairing: katsuki bakugo x female reader

cw: this long sorry, violence, language, some topics of abuse but it isn’t in detail, kissing and fluff 

word count: 5200+

a/n: hi sorry i don’t write for iida cause i find him really annoying and i don’t think i have the facilities to write him, but i do write bakugo so here it is, also i love the L speech sm and anything in italics is either a reference to the speech or directly incorporates the speech, have a happy rest of the holiday as well 

summary: in which you were raised by villains, by being saved by the heroes, the trust issues and lying you were brought upon reflects you now, bakugo grows ever more frustrated at your lying and all your truths come out

↞ back to my hero academia masterlist

The echo of the wind bashing against the windowsill roared through the commission, the white walls cascaded around you, it was painful and enduring at how you sat in the middle of the silent room. Waiting. No. Watching, you were listening and seeing those around you, a muzzle around your mouth to surpress your voice. Your wrists coated with the metal handcuffs, you were trapped, and you being stalked by those around you.

“Miss Y/l/n, we have found your family.” The voice is loud and monotone, you didn’t care, fuck your family, fuck what they did to you, fuck them.

Unable to move your hands to put a middle finger up at the camera, one movement causing an electrifying bolt run through your arms. You hated being here, you would rather fend for yourself on the streets than be involved in a hell hole like this.

“No words of happiness.” The sound of a certain pro hero caught your ears, the one who had captured you, held you against your will, locked you in this room. Number two pro hero Hawks.

“You can kill them for all I care.” Your voice dripped with malice not looking up at him.

Monsters who will not show themselves and will cause trouble.

You heard him say something quietly behind him before the jingle of keys were heard. He walked to the handcuffs undoing them, the muzzle clenched against your face, leaving sore marks, he grabbed at it making you face him. You were about to activate your quirk, but he quickly let go making you stop.

“We’re sending you to UA.” You eyes widened, what did a shitty school like UA need with a villain like you.

He looked at your sore wrists, before the signs of the bruises vanished underneath your thumb which you had been rubbing against the purple. He watched you touch your neck which had bruises from being pushed to the ground, all disappearing in a single touch. “A school like that doesn’t need me.”

“Of course it does, your quirk can be used for good.” He softly speaks sitting beside you on the white floor. The room was suffocating, and you wanted to leave it as soon as you could.

“I can’t, I know how to kill, I was raised to kill.” You put your hands to your face, getting rid of the cuts that erupted on your face, with an instance it was all gone. “If I touch you and activate my quirk, I could break you.”

He looks at your tired eyes, a child broken and used by your family to become a villain. “I’ll make a deal with you.”

It gains your attention and with an instance you look at the man, he holds his hand out you grab it with ease, his fingers were soft, you could imagine them breaking under your touch. He guides you out of the room, you walked past to where many other rooms which you assumed where blank and lifeless. Before seeing a window, it was to another room, you saw a woman in bed, she was bandaged up but the silver around her wrist made you in an instance know who it is.

“Your mother she’s dying, the families she ruined wont get proper justice, but I’ll let you go in, you can scream, shout hell you can kill her yourself, but you will join UA.” The sound of being able to kill her, kill the woman who had stolen you away.

“She’s not my mother, she found me.” They were never your family; they had seen you at such a young age and stolen you to indoctrinate.

Monsters who abduct children.

He nods already knowing, “we’ll lock the door.” All that flashed through your eyes was murder, she had taken it all from you, you never wanted to see her family, her stupid husband and her stupid son, you hated them all and you were going to kill her.

The sound of the door locking made you move towards her, she looked up thinking you were hear to save her. “My daughter.” The words were careless and made you angrier.

“I was never your daughter…” You pause her frail fingers had started to wrinkle and her face becoming grey and hair patchy.

“Y/n.” He breathing was rough, but you didn’t care, with an instant you went up to her exposed hands.

A smile formed on your lips, maybe you were a sadist, but you could do one last villainous action, make her fie even quicker, make her beg for forgiveness. Then you would go to UA, you would forget about the torture, forgot about them. You would become something a lot more than they had ever expected.

“I’m going to kill you.” It was comical but her face fell.

“You heartless bitch.” She shouted, “you fucking bitch, no wonder nobody loves you.” You didn’t care about her words smiling away.

The way her fingers cracked under your touch, each bone breaking the screams filling the room. You didn’t care touching even more of her before you moved directly to her heart. Hawks had heard the screams ignoring it maybe it was wrong of him to let you do this. But you deserved justice, your hand moved on top of her chest.

“Y/n…please.” She begged it was heaven in your ears, the woman who had tormented you was begging for you too stop and what else could you do but disagree. She had clinged onto your wrist, tightening her grip, unable to use her own quirk due to the medication, this was your only chance.

Hawks knew it was over, opening the door to see you walk out, he looked at you expecting some emotion but was brought with happiness, almost joy. “Where are the other two?” 

“You’ll see them again when they’re locked up, but that’s it, you cant kill them.” You nodded, you’d find a way, you’d find a way to kill them both, but you kept your composure.

The day flew past he explained how you’d have to lie, pretend your life was normal. But the main thing he wanted you to know was.

“If you kill any of them, I’ll be the one to kill you Y/n.” You nod, you had a straight face for most of his lecture, but you felt like he was trying to replace the adult figures you had had in your life. “If you get into any trouble, call me or just want to know how to act human, I know you haven’t been in the best education, but this is a fresh chance.”

“Okay.” It was simple and whilst sleeping in the commission in a much better area with colour and natural light. You watched the sky, watched how the stars danced around the moon, you admired it from a far but oh how you wished to see it up close.

The night was calming, and you were restless, but it wasn’t out of fear of going to UA, it was of fear they would find out who you were. Find out you were a villain, find out that you had caused deaths along the way. You were confident in your abilities, but they were new people, you had been surrounded by A rank and B rank villains all your life. Hell you had been classed as an A rank villain but now you would become something in life.

Hawks hadn’t bothered to tell you about your real parents, all that was known was you had been on the streets, you were a nobody and you would remain like that if you tried hard enough. The night had led to a lack of sleep with tossing and turning, the nightmares blaring through your head. The torment the way they would use your quirk at the tender age of five to kill and kill again.

Monsters who devour dreams.

The sound of coughing woke you up in your slumber, you hadn’t grown close to the winger hero. But he was trying, he gave you your new uniform, helped you pack a bag with everything and even gave encouraging words along the way.

The uniform was gross but after being trapped for weeks in solitude you were finally getting human contact, experiencing the world. “I’ll help you settle in; the teachers know your…past.” You nod, he was avoiding it and so were you, the drive being filled with silence.

Your gaze had been out the window, the hues of red and yellow cascaded through the sky, it was beautiful. A month ago the only thing you had seen was thick concrete walls, murder only occurring inside of the building you had called home for years.

“We’re here.” He whispers opening the door for you, taking your bags he watches you hit the air and feel the sun, “I think that’s the first time I’ve seen you smile.”

Your surpress the smile looking down, “make friends Y/n.” You nod, you were able to make friends, of course you were it was the not sticking out like a sore thumb that bothered you.

These people will have known each other for a month’s now but you, you weren’t normal. Hawks gave a smile walking you inside the building, “I’ll go drop your bags off to your new room once you’ve settled in.”

You walked past the doors, before arriving in front of a humongous door, shrugging at how Hawks spoke about the class. “The league tried to get them.” You mutter out. “They had talked to Shigaraki about it prior, we were going to go with them but my bro…he got sick.”

It was a lie of course; it wasn’t that he had gotten sick. You had touched him; broken his arm and you had been punished in an instant. You were made to sleep in the rain, eat off the ground, it was torture and you had felt sucked to death.

Monsters who suck blood.

Hawks nods, you misspeaking made you nervous, this was the first time you would be talking and listening to people who you weren’t about to kill. The door opened and you didn’t dare face the class, the teacher who you assumed was Aizawa stood in a sleeping bag, you dismissed it knowing how powerful his quirk was.

“We’ve got a new student today, Y/n Y/l/n and pro hero Hawks is here.” The shock on there faces was something, but it felt more to Hawks than it was to you.

“I’ll be leaving I’ll call tonight.” You nod at Hawks watching him leave with your stuff, your bag hanged loosely on your shoulder. You analysed them all, scanning up and down before you saw the boy who you knew Shigaraki had captured, the Katsuki Bakugo and Izuku Midoriya who your ‘parents’ had told you about.

You stopped staring at them, Izuku looked down not meeting your gaze whilst Bakugo scowled at you, “why don’t you introduce yourself?”

“Oh umm…” You stuttered Hawks had made you practice a fake backstory but, in an instant, it was forgotten, “I’m Y/n Y/L/N, I moved here with my family a…and ugh.”

Monsters who always tell lies.

You didn’t know what else to say, refusing to meet their gazes as you looked out the window, the birds chirping, petals falling in the August heat, it was beautiful, how life spewed out into the world. But also how easily it was to destroy life, how in one touch everything could break and deteriorate, “Y/n.” Aizawa had been repeating your name but you hadn’t gotten out of your daze until the third time.

“Yes.” You whisper.

He points to a seat behind Bakugo and in front of Midoriya, “go sit behind Bakugo.” You nod, walking past them all, they seemed already accustom to their friends. This was going to be a lot harder; it wasn’t like you were infiltrating it to gain anything. You going against the indoctrination and being the opposite of what you had been brought up to be.

You felt someone tap your shoulder as Aizawa went to what looked like sleep, quickly turning around to meet the green haired boy. “I’m Izuku Midoriya.”

You pretended to not know him, smiling as you introduced yourself again, “Yeah I heard.”

“Why did your parents move?” A blonde boy shouted, you saw the black in his hair, it was a look, but you had seen a lot worse hairstyles.

“Oh, work.” It was an easy enough lie which nobody would be able to see through. “We move around a lot.”

He doesn’t say anymore, as some of the girls come around the table, all introducing themselves, you smile thinking this had become easier by the minute. As quickly as introductions had occurred between the whole class, the day had begin to conclude and all that was left was training.

You didn’t have a hero costume so remained in the UA uniform; it was easy enough. With the odd amount of people, Aizawa had made you stay beside him. “I want you to break all of their left legs.”

Was this a trick or a ploy? You were happy to accept knowing this to be an easy enough thing to do, you saw how they had all began to bunch together. It was paced easily, skimming through each and everyone of them, jumping onto the high buildings as you touched all their left legs with ease, even Midoriya whose quirk you had known to be superior had not been paying attention, you easily touched it before hiding it. Your last victim was Bakugo who seemed to be jumping around, you saw how he stood in front of Kirishima in the open area, well you were going to make this a show.

You already heard the screams of some of the class and whilst being distracted you touched the blond’s leg, having assumed it was the wind he ignored the feeling. Ready to attack just as you bounced back to Aizawa.

In an instance you saw the class cascade onto their left knees, the shouting and tears flowing from some of them. It was quick enough, and you almost felt the thrill of killing from doing this small action.

Even Bakugo who had tried to not become grounded was repressing growls at the pain, “What’s ha…” You heard Momo ask on the ground, even the boy you had known as Endeavor’s son had collapsed onto the floor.

“It’s good, and you can heal them as well.” Aizawa ignored the class taking it as an endurance test.

You nodded about to go reverse it, “no let them feel it.” He had stopped you, you spaced in and out watching them on the floor, you stood in silence, it was easy enough to be stealthy even the invisible girl was easy to get after seeing the gloves floating about.

Aizawa after a couple minutes let you touch there legs again, all regaining strength again. They were all a bit out of it but Bakugo seemed the most pissed at you, not understanding your quirk. The class stood in silence looking at you, you didn’t look at them, wanting to leave and just look out at the sky for a bit.

“Y/n, was that your quirk?” The questions cascaded out, but you refused to answer, you didn’t care if they knew but you felt anxious and untrustworthy of these people. They could end up using it against you, hell they might even try and cut your hands off, so you’re left quirk less.

You had heard it happened to Overhaul so what would make you think that these groups of future pro heroes wouldn’t do it you. “No.” Is all you say, it was a lie, and you were going to stick by it forever.

Lying monsters they are much more cunning than other monsters.

Look into the horizon and see hope, “can we go now?” You muttered to Aizawa, he nodded, you didn’t stop to talk to them instantly leaving.

You didn’t want to face the question and answers, you wanted to be alone. You understood after all these years of being isolated, making friends, being around other people had took a toll on you and you wanted to curl up into a ball.

You grabbed your bag changing as quick as you could, instantly walking past the class who had just arrived to change. You saw the message on the phone Hawks had given you a number and floor of where you assumed your room was.

Whilst walking towards where the dorms were you heard the shout of your name. Turning around you were met with Todoroki, “oh hi.”

“Your quirk its…” He trailed off not knowing the words.

He joined you in the walk to the dorms, “you can say villainous, I can kill people with it.”

“I wasn’t going to say that but at least you’re on our side.” He smiles out before talking about the class and how impressed they were with your quirk.

All you could think about were the words he had said though our side, what did it mean? Were there sides to this world, were you going to remain on the side of justice or go against Hawks and run and kill and be killed by him.

You had ignored everything else he had said, “I’m glad I’m on your side as well.” It was a blatant lie, but you were trying, trying to put on a façade. You tried to understand him, understand the emotions that were around you. But you didn’t understand it, didn’t understand how something has harmless as you had done had made them impressed. If they wanted to be impressed, you could kill someone. If they really wanted.

They pose as humans even though they have no understand of the human heart.

Todoroki talked about how meals worked and the works and before you knew it, he had dropped you off directly outside the dorm room. “I’ll come get you for dinner.” You nodded before sucking in a breath. You had your own room, your own sanctuary, you could make it look however you wanted.

You walked inside seeing your bags to the side, a desk and a bed it was normal and empty. Hell if you knew what to do with the room, you had no pictures to put up, no possessions only the new clothes Hawks had brought you. It was barren and you expected it would remain this way.

You laid on the bed, feeling the soft and warm covers, it was a new experience, the rags you had slept in prior being nothing compared to this. It was comfort that you had never experience, the few hours later bringing the half haired boy to your room.

You had put the clothes in the designated area and been waiting on the bed, staring out of the window. It was getting dull and wearing the clothes that fit too right, you opened the door to see Todoroki.

“We’re waiting downstairs.” You nod, pulling at the sleeves of the shirt as you followed the boy. He made conversation which you gave small yeah back too. You were eating for the sake of it, eating to fuel you it wasn’t to satisfy or pleasure you it was to make you stronger. That’s how you had been brought up and that’s how you seemed to remain.

You saw the class crowding a table, a confusion settling on your face. Even the angry Bakugo was perched on the table, Todoroki coughed, and everybody turned their backs. “She’s hear.” Mina squealed, “we got you a cake to celebrate you joining our class.”

Your face fell in confusion, why were they being nice? You had hurt them and now they had gotten you a cake, you had never had a cake, always being told it was bad for you and would ruin your quirk.

“A c…cake.” You stuttered.

“Yeah, a cake, look its got frosting.” Ururaka smiled moving to show you the cake.

It was Midoriya the next to speak, “we think your quirk is really cool and don’t want you to think we think it’s a villain quirk or something.”

Your eyes widened; the cake had blue frosting but the sound of Midoriya repeating what Todoroki spoke out too you. You took a deep breath before faking a smile, everybody seemed to believe it and your next words, “thank you guys so much it means a lot.”

Bakugo knew, Bakugo saw how your eyes were lying, how your face might have been smiling but inside you were dying. Those eyes of yours, the way your upper lip twitched whilst cutting the cake. He saw it all and, in the end, he saw how your fingers skimmed the knife, as if you were thinking about murder. But what did he know about an extra like you.

They eat even though they’ve never experienced hunger.

A couple weeks had passed, and you seemed to have settled in, well that’s what Hawks had assumed after every daily call with you. His words echoing in your head, one murder and you would die yourself. You had grown closer with all of them , specifically Mina and Kirishima, but Bakugo was another story, he was scowl every time you looked at him, everytime you tried to make conversation. You both hadn’t shared a single conversation only being around each other due to your mutual friends.

The day Mina had asked to study in your room had brought Kirishima, Sero, Denki and Bakugo to your room. You hadn’t expected all of them, but you put on a fake smile again, you didn’t need to revise, hell if it wasn’t for your quirk, you’d still be academically smarter then the rest of them.

You didn’t confess to this truth only accepting them inside the barren room, you hadn’t gotten time to print out the pictures you had taken with the class. As much as the villain inside of you hated to admit it you were enjoying your time. You had thought the first night at UA, that in a month you’d have killed them, the villain in you would come out and you’d stop all their hearts, but now, smiling with them maybe things were different.

Or maybe you were lying to yourself, because to Bakugo you still showed the lying nature, your eyes were filled with lies and could dare look at you. It was only for Kirishima who had dragged him alone, he wanted to ask why you lied, why you didn’t tell the truth? A true pro hero would never go to this extent, but he had no proof, it was in his head.

It was all true, you had continued this lie, making up about how your parents and you were distant, but you had a brother who you were close with. The brother who had stolen you had never been close with you, he hated you, resented your quirk and had killed anybody around you to prove he was the better child.

You imagined him locked up right now, locked away in the hell hole, it was callous, but you relished in his pain. Mina had begun asking questions which you ignored thinking, you zoned out looking out of the window. He was probably chained up, sobbing at how he regretted it all. Regretted hurting you, you bet he didn’t even know that you were the one to kill his mother.

It was comforting but you knew you would have to surpress these thoughts to seem normal. “Sorry, I spaced out, say that again?” You quickly spoke.

Bakugo had noticed you space out, noticed how your lips twitched upwards into a cruel face he had seen that face before. Seen it on every villain he had even encountered and the fear that filled him, startled you all as he knocked the books to the floor.

You continued helping Mina ignoring the boy who continued looking at you. He didn’t bother helping Kirishima, only glaring at you, it wasn’t like he cared if you trusted them or not. But you were no hero to him, even if Deku and Todoroki told you, you were a hero, you would always be something villainous. The night fell and they all left, Bakugo having glared the entire night, it was unnerving, and you were fearful he was catching on, but you dismissed it. It was easy to not overthink these types of stuff, you could always threaten the boy.

They study even though they have no interest in academics.

The late night was unnerving you could feel Bakugo’s presence surround the room, you jolted up. Looking around, feeling watched, before you noticed the hoodie Bakugo had been wearing draped over the chair. He might be awake, he could be, you didn’t care, you got up stretching before grabbing the hoodie and creeping out the door.

You were on the same floor as the boy, so in a quick few steps you arrived at his door. You knocked hesitantly, maybe you should’ve waited. You shook your head, knowing that the feeling of his hoodie in your room made you on edge. You knocked again, and on the third a sleep Bakugo opened the door.

They seek friendship even though they do not know how to love.

He rubbed his eyes before noticing who it was, “what the hell do you want?”

You scowled looking at him, “you left your hoodie in my room.”

You pushed it on him about to leave, but instead he grabs your wrist, “we need to talk.”

“We can talk in the morning.” You were fearful not of him but the threat he knew your secret, knew everything about you.

He ignored you dragging you inside and shutting the door, “sit down.” He mutters, you oblige sitting on the edge of his bed, he had been wearing a black shirt and shorts, you didn’t look at him, instead looing around his room. You see a picture of what looks to be his parents, he was the spitting image of his mother. He looked angry in it but even then, it was a family picture filled with love, something you would never have.

“Why do you lie?” He meets your gaze.

“L…lie, I haven’t.” You lie out.

“I see it in your eyes, you have this face and I’ve seen it on villains, who are you?” His voice had become harsher and you felt intimidated. Fuck, you had killed people and a rowdy blond boy was making you scared.

“I told you…”

He interrupts you, “Y/n just tell me the fucking truth for once.”

“Bakugo I don’t know what you’re on about.” You say acting dumb to leave this situation, “I’ve tried to be nice to you but you jus…”

He speaks over you to make you shut up, “you don’t want to be friends, what are you Y/n?”

His voice was eery and he continued to spew out the truth, “you’re a villain aren’t you.”

You take a deep breath the tears about to brim from your eyelids, “I’m the monster, parents tell their kids about.”

Bakugo watched the tears flow out, he didn’t know what to do, he brought his hand to your face wiping the tears with his thumb. “Y/n tell me the truth.”

You look a mess, but you didn’t care, and you confessed it all, you didn’t lie or skim over the truth. You told him from the moment you got taken to the moment you killed the woman who had made you call her mother.

You expected him to push you away, tell everybody instead he sat in silence. Before bringing you into his arms, “I shouldn’t have called you a villain.” It was a soft side to the boy who had been known for being aggressive, after hearing your sufferings he understood, and he wanted to make sure you were always safe and protected.

“I am a monster though.”

He makes you look up at him, holding your face in his hands, “you’re not, the monsters are those people.”

You don’t speak instead leaning your head against his shoulders, you had never been this vulnerable with anyone. He held your head onto his body, moving onto the pillow to let you lie down on him, he brought you comfort, let you cry on him. You weren’t a villain; you weren’t a villain and if Bakugo believed it then you weren’t a villain to the boy who had been surrounded by them just as much as you had.

After that night Bakugo and you had grown into a strong friendship, it was shocking to the class who had never seen you even talk. The way he would come and make you coffee in the morning, walk with you to each class. Sit beside you in at lunch, even go as far as it train with you just so you felt included.

But seeing how you both talked and smiled at each other, for the first time you had a genuine smile on your face, a genuine laugh that wasn’t filled with lies from your past. They watched how the two of you grew over the course of the next month, how the two of you grew closer and closer. It was unfathomable but you had made a true friend, a friendship that wasn’t based on lies, maybe one day you’d tell them all.

But at the time being you were content with having the angry boy be remotely nicer to you than anybody. It was Mina who had noticed how Bakugo would open the door for you or hold your bag occasionally. The unusual behaviour making everybody think he was sick, but all you saw from him was kindness that had evolved for you.

What they hadn’t realised was how at ease you both had gotten into a routine of sneaking into each other’s rooms. How you’d hold onto each other, talk and vent about the past in each other’s arms. Friends don’t do that; friends don’t hold and comfort each other like you both did.

On one of the many nights you both spent together, his arm around your waist, you looked at him. Looked at his fiery red eyes and fallen blond hair, he had become something more to you. Somebody who you could trust with your life.

“Stop looking at me, its creepy.” He scolds, you laugh at the boy bringing your hand to his hair.

You feel him stare down at your tiny figure, “I thought you were a real bitch the first time we met.”

“You don’t think that anymore.” You pout out nearing closer to his plump lips.

“I still think you’re a fucking bitch.” He laughs, cocking his head back before bringing it back to your face, the gap having narrowed and all you could see was his fiery eyes stare back at you. “You’re my bitch...though.”

You nod not making a remark as the gap closes between you. Your lips moving together in an instant, it was long awaited and seethed with love and hope. But most of all it proved the woman who you called mother wrong, you weren’t heartless, and you have the love she spoke about from Bakugo.

Monsters who always tell lies.

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[koi-fish96]

Platonic Yander Big Bro Shinsou

Nah cuz losing the little ask bubble thing is totally in character for me 😭😂

Im sorry to the anonymous who asked for this since I cant tag you I hope you can see this 🙏 again im sorry

~~~

*Your only 2 years younger then Shinsou, so you’ll just be starting middle school when he goes into ua, and with the same quirk as your big brother 

*Shinsou knows how kids can be around this time of development, they’ll act nice like they wanna be your friend but its all an act, some are just trying to get on a ‘future villains’ good side and others do it just to talk behind your back and spread false information about you and your quirk just to do it

*He really doesn’t want that for you but he also doesn’t want you to know the cruel truth about quirk discrimination, that’ll only hurt you and he hates to see you sad 

*He brings you to school everyday on his bike {Hes not riding with you on a train someone might bump you to hard and you could get hurt, creeps are on the train, and most of the time its crowded and everyone's squished together} he just prefers this much easier to make sure your comfortable and ok way 

*Of course your wearing a helmet, knee pads, and elbow pads no excuses

*On the way he’ll explain bullies and fake friends to you and say you should keep your quirk to yourself if you can and that you shouldn’t ask why just trust and listen to your older brother

*He lets you off giving you a big hug and promising to be right in that spot when schools over,

-It can go two ways-

Way 1: Bully

*Hes standing in the spot he promised he would be scrolling on his phone holding the bike waiting for you when he hears sniffling 

*He looks up to see you walking to him looking down at the ground wiping your face and he lets go of the bike and is next to you in a few seconds pulling you into a hug asking you whats wrong

*You tell him about the kids at school how one of the kids from elementary told them about your quirk and how they called you a villain and many other things about your quirk being bad then at lunch they poured a soda on your head before telling you not to turn them into your puppets

*Shinsou’s blood boils

*He would love to teach those kids a lesson but you clearly ready to go home so he takes you so you can shower and change but you lock yourself in your room not letting him come in no matter how much he knocks  

*He’ll convince your parents to let you stay home, and that night after he planned it out all day he talks to them and convince them to homeschool you

*Oh and those kids that bullied you? Yeah all kinds of crazy stuff happened to them, what are the chances huh?

*If he has friends, and they have to past all his test first, he’ll bring them around you besides this is better than letting you find your own friends because Shinsou knows these are good people he doesn’t have to worry about making you sad or uncomfortable   

*And once he gets in the hero course its even better for him, his training has not only helped to become a hero but hes now sure if anything ever happened he can protect you 

*Course you wont be following in his footsteps, he’ll convince you your weak or your quirk is weak and its better to just stay homeschool no point in even going to the entrance exam its a waste of time

*And if you still feel the need to go Shinsou has 🧠other way🧠 of convincing you not to try 

*Pro Hero Shinsou always makes sure his little siblings safe even if he has to go behind their back and work from the shadows to do so

Way 2: Frineds?

*Hes standing with his bike right where he told you he would be and he finally spots you walking with a group of people all laughing with you

*You seperate from them waving goodbye as you ran over to Shinsou

*He throws a million questions your your about them 

*Their your friends, they think your quirk is so cool and wanna hang out

*Shinsou feels bad about your naivety, those arnt your friends why would anyone wanna be friends with someone who has such a villaines quirk only Shinsou is your true frined

*Now if you believe your brother and dropped them, he’ll be happy going with the flow of bringing you to school and hanging out with you all after school

*If you disagree and continue to hang out with them he’ll have to take it into his own hands

*If you try hanging out with them after school Shinsou will find a way to get you grounded, its for your own good

*You cant walk home with your friends, he heard Aizawa-sensei talking about a villain on the loose you should get on the back of the bike so the two of you can hurry up and go home

*He’ll let you come sit in his room while you tell him about your “friend” who disappeared 

*Your other friend who commited a crime and is claiming they have no idea what overtook them and made them do it

*Or your other friend who said they want nothing to do with you

*Its ok though you have your best friend, the one that will never leave you, Shinsou

___

I'm again sorry for losing the ask

This was in my drafts awaiting editing but let's be real it was never gonna get edited 😅

[filipinoizukuu]

pls tell me more of ur fic pet peeves

K OSMFKS OKAY MAN. man. HSDBBSJDJS

so i have like. a FUCK ton of pet peeves for fics, and i just wanted to say first that fanfic should not be placed in any boxes or standards because it is freely written and it is something meant to be enjoyed. these are my opinions and all peeve me to only a certain degree (meaning it squicks me out at worst)—so if you are a fic writer and you find yourself doing any of these things, do NOT take it to heart and just know i love you for doing what you do and i wish you all the best ♡

im gonna give reasons why certain things peeve me so i dont just sound like im bitching but generally, when reading ANY fics, i dislike the ff:

- long paragraphs with no breaks. bro i have adhd i cant go through all of this im going to get LOST.

- underlining, bolding, italicizing, AND capitalizing statements for emphasis like sir its chill i think i get the point. imho if you wrote your scene well enough and paced it properly, the most you'll need is an italics and maybe an exclamation mark. u gotta trust ur own writing and the reading comprehension of your audience.

- jittery perspective jumps especially when its fic about characters who use the same pronouns and youre constantly shifting the thoughts being presented. it... gets kinda confusing.

- FIRST PERSON POV. ITS NOT BAD I JUST GET SO JARRED BECAUSE SASUKE UCHIHA IS DOING WHAT TO ME??

everything else like grammar and punctuation and spelling is literally just. whatever. like as long as i get your point i really dont care. sometimes writers dont speak english fluently. sometimes writers just fuck up and dont have betas. sometimes writers just post their chapters at 3 am and leave all their mistakes out for god. i have no right to judge.

for personal bnha fic pet peeves, ig most of my annoyance lies on characterization and my own personal beliefs

- i already said it previously but i cannot STRESS how much i dislike the whole "fuck redemption arcs and fuck all authority figures except LoV for some reason" theme. it annoys me and i just flat out dont agree with it

- HATE tropes that reduce deku to being like 🥺👉👈 uwu okie soft helpless bean. theres nothing wrong with it if thats how you prefer deku, but i just get annoyed by it

- ANYTIME BKDK HAS AN UNEQUAL DYNAMIC. again. nothing wrong with exploring it in fanfiction. i just dislike reading fics that make either deku or bakugou blatantly weaker than the other. i love quirkless deku fics but i hate ones where he's also characterized as amounting to nothing and still acts like bakugous punching bag/okay with bakugou disrespecting him. their whole dynamic in canon is built on a great deal of respect

- speaking of bkdks power dynamic, FRICK GOSH I HATE SEEING FICS WHERE DEKU "realizes bakugous been abusing him for years!" and gets him expelled from ua and everyone claps. like. LIKE??? N. NO???? thats not how it works 😭

- all might slander. also unjustified or unnuanced endeavor slander where they dont tackle the complexity of his character. also also unjustified or unnuanced bakugous mom slander. this ones a bit controversial so i wont talk about it much.

- sexist homophobic or racist bakugou. im kicking that away. no. especially fics where bakugous past bullying is explained as "repressed homosexuality". i like making that as a joke but i genuinely do no believe in it.

- BAD MOM MIDORIYA INKO. ITS A TROPE I SEE SOMETIMES AND IT MAKES ME CRY I DONT HAVE A RATIONAL REASONING FOR IT I JUST LOVE INKO

- fics where ochako is obviously very reduced into a supporting figure with absolutely no dimension except being a supportive character and maybe having a shoe-horned wlw romance just for the sake of making her unavailable. shes my fave bnha girl and sometimes in fics i can literally FEEL her character being butchered to only show up when deku needs Love Advice. *note that this only applies when literally every other male character has something else going on for them and its just the females being sidelined into Boy Advice Givers and Talking Sense.

- fics that very obviously belittle asian principles and culture. family means a GOOD DEAL to a lot of asian cultures and fics that spout "if you dont like your family then leave and find your own! its that simple!" usually sound incredibly ignorant or outright claim moral superiority to the weight of familial bond in asian culture. same with manners, respect, and discipline.

- jeALOUSY/CHEATING FICS OK IM SELFISH I ONLY WANT BKDK TOGETHER LIKE IM DEKUBOWL ONLY SOMETIMES BUT BKDK ALWAYS HAS TO END UP TOGETHER

- "murdering is ok if its characters i hate 🥰" ... listen, you do you bestie but like. no thanks. if i wanted to read about mineta getting murdered by momo with a pistol i dont think id be opening a bkdk soulmarks au

- any dekusquad slander 😭 i love them okay

- *kicks mean/bakugou-hating todoroki out the door*

- *kicks 'all mha characters text, talk, and behave like 14 year old stan twt users (no offense ok i speak like that too)' fics out the door*

- *kicks bratty deku and/or bakugou out the door*

thats. all i can think of atm.

[littlebabycrybtch]

tbh... we have absolutely FAILED ppl with ea/ting disor.ders so fucking unimaginably bad, especially the visibly underweight ones. and we are still failing them to this day by avoiding valuable education out of discomfort and demonization. its genuinely appalling sometimes, to see just how Dangerously ignorant ppl are about this shit. bros listen 2 me rn. you are not a doctor, and you are Not going cure an ed with your almost laughably ignorant and malicious ‘reverse psychology’ bit where you call someone an ugly skeleton knocking on deaths door whos body needs to be banned from instagram forever, because you’re just ‘so scared theyre gonna die’ or w/e so you can legit pretend they dont exist, holy fucking Shit dude. that shame-and-shun tactic is so unbelievably dangerous. like, if you knew Anything REAL abt these disorders or frankly any mental health issues and cared enough to apply that then you would understand how thats just... pure cruelty. im sorry to be blunt but yeah this isnt a joke, it needs to be said that you are easily going to KILL SOMEONE with that kind of unfiltered uneducated IGNORANCE. it is inexcusably selfish, harmful, and ableist behavior, we have to stop this already.

imo there’s a Lot to be said about the toxicity spiral thats become the pro recovery movement and how much it rejects and speaks over the people its Supposed to support, becoming more about ‘anti symptoms’ than pro anything, but if you are gonna understand Anything new today at least learn this;;; hating yourself at unhealthy is Never ever going to be the key to loving yourself at healthy. being ashamed of yourself FOR being unhealthy, will NOT make you healthier, it’ll make you worse every time. im not tryna be mean but honestly how the actual FUCK do yalls brains work, it is SO wildly damaging to let yourself perpetuate this type of mindset, and then still claim pro recovery or w/e like recovery doesnt have to start at unhealthy??? like itll just happen overnight??? like that’ll help??? like if ppl catch you displaying symptoms of the disorder you LITERALLY HAVE, you arent allowed to talk abt it in any form without intense open negativity towards it and yourself, so ppl know ur definitely totally against it tho and not enabling urself, bc if you dont talk abt ur shame and embarrassment for it that means you arent recovering and need a mob after you??? thats how you think people are gonna get better????

ffs dont try to viciously shame yourself out of bad habits and treat your disorders like taboo, respect and love yourself wholly, the good and the bad, if you want to form better habits!!! ppl NEED to be encouraged to love themselves at unhealthy if they ever want to improve. you are not going to accidentally make them worse by not constantly shaming all their ‘flaws’, they are not MADE of ‘flaws’. by showing support for the mentally ill, you are not fucking supporting their ‘symptoms’, you are a supporting THE FUCKING PERSON EXPERIENCING THEM. and you DESPERATELY NEED TO DO THAT!! there is MORE TO THEM than their symptoms! there are things to COMPLIMENT them on besides their body! its gotten to this point that like. ppl are actually Afraid of just being nice to ppl with eds. they dont even wanna treat them like Humans outside of their disorder, all they see is a disorder. everyone is just SO afraid of ‘enabling’ them by not being vocally against their symptoms that they avoid them like the plague and dont even try to build them up, which is what they fucking need more than anything dude!! 

ppl think refusing to ever let an underweight person feel pretty or love their body where they are at is what they need and will force them to recover, or they think giving them goals like ‘you’ll be so much happier with a bigger body’ and ‘keep going one day you wont look so sick’ is at all different than their own internal dialogue, when the Truth (that people need to fucking know by now!), is that shame with mental health is incredibly dangerous, eds are diverse but theyre most often rooted in starvation as a form of self harm from an unwavering self hatred and feeling of failure or lack of control, one they already have deeply ingrained and will usually feel at Any Size, which is why so many feel unsatisfied and keep going and going till they die. the answer to this problem isnt gonna be inflicting more fucking self hate or pressure. thats gasoline on a fire. you cannot just try and. UNO REVERSE CARD THE ~RULES~ OF THEIR FUCKING MENTAL DISORDER and expect RECOVERY... oh my god dude, please, id laugh out loud if this wasnt so malicious.

listen, if you wanna help, like actually Care about Helping the way you claim the root of your attitude is, you need to make that person feel like they can love themselves, not try to make them ‘realize’ how ‘bad’ they are and how uncomfortable and scared they make you and how Not Allowed their behavior is, bc 1. body dysmorphia is a delusion,,, denial is a common association with addictive/self destructive behaviors,,,, you are going about it wrong if thats the first thing you try to accomplish, and 2. whether you like it or not ‘bad’ is gonna be your first checkpoint! who would be motivated to get better when all you’re doing is giving them an already failing grade and pushing them back??? 

you’re all just... so paralyzed by ignorant fear every time you interact with someone with an ed bc you are so fucking detached from it as a concept, but you wont LEARN how to BEHAVE AROUND THESE PPL! LIKE! and then you claim you act this way ‘because you care'. ok then why do you feel like you dont have to listen or learn??? why dont you see these tactics as needlessly cruel when its explained??? bc oh you cant ‘’’’’trust’’’’ ppl with eds to tell You how to help Them, right??? they’re probably lying, you know better than them ofc. smhhh, every other mental illness community gets to speak for themselves to the ppl without their experiences and therefore the ability to hurt them, sure, but not the sneaky ed people, they created pr.0/a.na/, (the ONLY existing space for encouraging mentally ill ppl in self destructive behaviors, obviously), so they dont know what they need, they have to be Told by Normal people bc their irrational brains are Just Too Broken. (/s)............ like.............?? it is Sooo fuckin prejudiced and disgusting tbh. we gotta do better than this. 

eds are almost completely left out of communities for mental health these days. its seriously so disappointing. if you ACTUALLY ‘care’, then ok you need to swallow your pride and do better, you need to Listen and not let your personal discomforts (genuine triggers excluded!) with their appearance or behaviors get in the way of how humanized and committed your decent treatment of their disorder is. tbr, sometimes you arent just ‘concerned’ about a person, sometimes how you go about your feelings is rooted in your inner urge to validate your own discomforts with them, which means it might end up more about you than about them, which hurts them. i mean for the love of god, these ppl are not ‘irresponsible’ for existing around others with their ~unhealthy bodies~, they are not a walking trigger and cant be treated like one, they arent contagious, they will not benefit mentally from hearing you say you think they should be physically banned from posting selfies or w/e, that isolation WONT prevent eds from ~~~spreading~~~ and will severely harm the person in question, you are not making a heroic decision to try and bully them away to ‘save’ others from ever being around them or save them from being around an “enabling” (supportive recovery/not shameful) community. you are not ‘fixing’ them by making them hate their underweight bodies. you’re LITERALLY just ignorant and prejudiced and ableist, your ideas are actually Very harmful, you are not a savior, you are making it worse, plain and simple. Please just start doing better already, its kind of a life or death situation here

[tradetobest]

all my notes upon rewatching ranboo’s lore stream

the intro song: fallen down from undertale

ranboo opens the stream by announcing he wants to get rid of the voice, because he’s realized what it’s saying isnt true and he wants to get rid of it

“i barely know how to craft tnt, so there’s no way.”

an enderman soundbite?? and then another one?? i don’t know if that’s him or if the parrots can do that but it happens

“the voice was created as a sort of--filler for my memory...but for some reason it just decided to be evil. it’s not telling me what i did, it’s [making up things that i did]

“i’m going to finally be better. i’m going to finally be fully happy [after getting rid of the voice]” 

“the voice...i don’t think the voice is dream. sounds like dream? sure. but i don’t think this has anything to do with dream.”

he’s just talking about how his catastrophic prophesizing has always come true, but in this case he’s trying to predict something positive instead of something negative. whoops

was that a weird nether noise or like...something else??

ranboo not thinking he’ll ever be safe around fundy again and saying he’s going through something but not dealing with it in the right way 👍👍

he doesn’t think that burning l’manburg was a bad thing, that it was actually good. and he agrees with what phil and techno did, although it was quite violent.

“[after this] i think i’m finally gonna be happy. i don’t really plan to involve myself in anything anymore but if i have to...then i have to.” HMMMM I FEEL LIKE THIS LINE IS GONNA BE IMPORTANT

“i’m just as real as your thoughts. are you real?” “yeah” “well then i’m real too”

“i mean...i’m you!”

we stan ranboo deliberately hiding information from himself

“that’s what i am. i’m the truth.”

so brain!dream helps ranboo remember

“well just remember! just remember! think about it!”

so ranboo is like...repressing these memories?? this is fully just repression.

“you’re not being honest with yourself! just think, remember!”

oh yeah mans deep deep.

ok so the repitition of “idk why i sound like dream” kinda feels important

“saying that he trusts...this state of me...more than the other state.”

“what did i keep safe?” “you got it from skeppy” GOD I REMEMBER FIRST HEARING THIS IT SENT A FUCKING SHIVER DOWN MY BACK

denial about the discs and a quiet “he’s never gonna be gone”

he doesn’t want phil and techno to be in danger and i love that

he wants to get rid of the desk

ok so the “other state” is caused by high-stress situations?? if he’s planted hints in other streams maybe i should rewatch some old vods (namely the trial vod) to see

“kinda just enter into a sleepwalk kinda thing” mmmm

“what about that room makes it...different?” i guessed the obsidian way way back and i still think so

AND HE FALLS INTO LAVA BABYYYY

HE JUST RUNS WITH IT AND ITS SO FUCKING FUNNY

“this entire thing [where i’m not gonna be] in control of who i help” i love how he still helps people even when in that other state of himself...like mans still the same we love

“if the disc is here then...no one’s gonna trust me” mmm i could write a whole other thing on how this sentence is Wrong but

i love how he does these little talks to himself, like little reassurances, bc i also do that and its super fun to see that in a character jsflkjdf

wait did he dig in the Spot first and then decide to drag it out??

cue five mins of ranboo tanking the property value

just a little bit to the right and up of where he first dug lmaooo

theres a little wind whistling in the left ear haha it kinda sounds like the nether wind

THE LITTLE VOICE SHAKE HE SOUNDS SO UPSET

his use of repetition.... muah

the parrot bro...dude

“i can’t open it...i’m frozen.” and then he talks about the “terrible cycle” he’s been thrown into since the beginning

personally i wouldn’t say the ranboo that he determines as “i” really betrayed everyone...not in the right mind and all that

LMAOO THIS WOULD BE SO FUNNY IF IT WAS FROM THAT ONE TIME HE WENT INTO THE VINE ROOM WITHOUT A HAZMAT SUIT LMAOO....or was that someone else....

game sounds go quiet (thank god) and then just.....c a t

he deffo made himself cry here

the breaths, the enderman soundbite, then the  Σ|:) and then the self-described “record player” version of fallen down

now see i feel like that fuckin smiley crown face means something i just cant fucking figure it out mf this is so frustrating AND he’s the only one who actually bothers to explain shit that his character does why does he write do be good i cant think this hard its like 11pm

[wongiemei]

Roommate!Jeno

a/n: maybe i should just turn this blog into an nct dream one

okay

letsgetit!

first of all,

story time!

your uni is fucking expensive and it’s more expensive if you live in the grounds

so you being the wise human,

you went to get an apartment near the campus

it was great and all since roommate!jaemin was paying for his stuff

you were both living respectively until he had to leave

the dumbass didnt even bother to tell you

one morning you just woke up and found his note

‘hey bitch! figured you were too much of a rock to wake up but i moved out! the family wants me to go back home and tend the restaurant’

the whole day yesterday, you were working

bc,,, yknow

broke college life

and you just walked in half asleep towards your room and fell asleep

so you didnt really see or notice

but were you freaking out bc your roommate suddenly moved out?

ofc you were freaking out

not only was your roommate gone,

how were you going to find a new one?!

jaemin expected your phone call that afternoon and he endured through all your screaming

‘babe, i’m just going to be gone for a year-or two’

‘oR tWO?!’

‘hun, my dad’s injured and his back can only let him do so much. ma’s working too much and i dont have any siblings to help. i figured i could just hold off college until my parents are ready’

ugh, jaemin is such a family boy

‘but jaems! you couldnt have at least told me that yOu wERe mOvING OuT?! and! rent is due soon! i can’t pay for that myself!’

jaemin couldve easily told you to warn yoy

but he didn’t want to tell you bc he couldnt handle you sad and didnt want to upset you

however, now jaemin really understands how shitty that move was

‘tell you what. i’ll pay for this month and make a few phone calls and i’ll get you set up with a new roommate, deal?’

knowing how much of a social butterfly he was, you agreed

ofc you trusted jaemin but part of you feared that he might pair you up with a freak

but he’s not that mean, is he?

you can definitely see renjun doing that but not jaemin

so there you are,,

sitting on your couch alone

without jaemin, your apartment felt really empty

its been a few days since he moved and you were miserable

jaemin hasn’t even texted you about that potential roommate

just as you were about to call him,,

your doorbell rang

you froze and you looked at the time

it was nearing 11 at night and you don’t remember ordering delivery

see,,

if jaemin was here,

he would answer it for you since you would be too scared to do it

but you mustered up your courage and peeped through the peep hole

the man was dressed in all black with a black mask and a black cap with his hood over it with a black hoodie and black pants

ngl, you were terrified and trembling

he rang it again and you jumped

typing out a quick text to jaemin saying ‘hey bub, if i don’t text you in an hour, that means ive been kidnapped so call the police’

you grabbed a pan from the cupboard and gulped before you opened the door

thinking he would just walk forward and grab you, you closed your eyes and raised your pan over your head and swung

a shriek from in front of you made your eyes snap open and found the guy on the floor with a fetal position

you both just froze for like a phat minute

snapping back to reality, you held the pan in front of you

‘if youre going to kidnap me, i got a pan and im not afraid to hit you with it!’

you tried to sound intimidating but your voice was shaking so much

the guy stood up and he took off his hat and the mask to reveal a blonde haired kid

okay, so you were sHOokETh

damn! this boy is fine!

he gave you a shaky smile and held out his hand

‘hi! i’m lee jeno! you must be y/n? jaemin told me you had an opening for a roommate?’

now you noticed the two duffle bags at the side

the embaressment and the shame settled in slowly and you found yourself burning up

nodding, you motioned him to come in

jeno awkwardly walked in and was amazed at how big the layout was with the low rent

‘yea, its kinda hard to believe that we only pay that much. at first i thought there was a ghost in here and that’s why its so cheap’

you tried to make small conversation but laughed weirdly at jeno’s slightly terrified face

‘no! there really is not ghost here! ive lived here for a year and there hasnt been anything so please dont understand! please be my roommate!’

you begged and jeno thought you were weird

but jaemin was right, you were weirdly adorable in a way

so that’s how you and jeno became apartment buddies!

now onto the good stuff!

so, jeno is a vv clean guy

like he’s the type to just pick up a wrapper in the street and throw it in the garbage

so naturally, he likes to keep the apartment as tidy and neat as possible

but you being a mess you are,

you usually leave a lot of things everywhere

lets just say you have a short memory

‘oh? how did that get there?’

eventually, jeno gets sick of it and he confronts you with it

ofc you understand and you actually try to be better

since jeno is literally the most perfect roommate

maybe even better than jaemin

(but don’t tell him that)

jeno is the type to re-stock the pantry with snacks and the fridge with ice cream

since youre both college students, ramen is practically always available in the house 24/7

he also makes the coffee every morning since he works early and wakes up first

even though he doesn’t like the drink and prefers milk, he still notices how you survive off of coffee

babie likes to pick you up some iced americano while he gets a frappe

you on the other hand,,

you’re very surprised

when you got to bed after showing jeno around,

you messaged jaemin

ofc he was worried af and was blowing up your phone

‘WHAT?!’

‘bitch answer the damn phone!’

‘whatthe fuck is happening?!’

‘i need to know if you’re still alive!’

‘oh fuck i shouldnt have moved out’

smiling softly at how worried he was, you responded to him

‘you hoe, it hasnt been an hour yet so chillax. i’m alive, unfortunately, and i just met my new roommate. again, thanks for the heads-up. youre so bad at those. i literally thought he was a burgular or a kidnapper. but he seems chill and emo. just my type.’

but jeno is F A R from C H I L L

oh my goodness,,

hes a crackhead

theres this sound he makes when he’s confused and you couldnt figure out if its cute or weird or if he’s doing this on purpose or thats just how he is

you and him basically communicate with memes

sometimes, at the weird hours at night, he sends you a dumbass meme

you cant help but snort 

also, you promised to take jaemin out to dinner to repay him for the great roommate

‘hes literally one of the best people youll ever meet. it just so happen he needed a place to sleep. now you owe me’

hes a science major while you were a computer major

he basically brings home weird stuff to analyze and it just hella stinks

but hes considerate enough to actually put it outside

whenever he’s focused, he talks to himself or the thing he’s analyzing

‘okay mr. fishy. your scales are really big and its bigger than average’

its so cute

oof also!

jeno doesnt have a job yet he always makes rent on time with extra money to spare

he even sometimes buys you stuff saying, ‘they reminded me of you’

for your birthday, he bought you a pearl necklace that mustve costed thousands

at first, you thought he was a chaebol or smth

which you wouldve been vv jealous of bc youre a struggling college student who works at the coffee shop

but, you were answered when you caught him walking in half-dazed and half-asleep with cuts all over his face

it was like 2 in the morning and you were pulling an all-nighter for some project and wanted to get a glass of water

but here he is, hood up, lip busted, black eye, cheek cut

you shrieked and ushered him to sit on the dining chair

thinking he got mugged or something, you start drilling him questions

‘hun, if you were beat up, we need to call the police! this is illegal!’

but jeno chuckles and brushes the stray hairs out of your face as you tend to his lip

‘pls dont. if you do, ill be broke and i wont have money to pay rent then i cant be your roommate anymore’

cue confused y/n

‘wUT?’

‘if i dont make money, youll kick me out and youll have to find another roommate. i dont want you to go through that hassle again’

ofc you were flattered that even during this situation, hes still thinking about you

‘how is this making money?!’

‘i cant believe youre oblivious to so many things. i thought for sure youve caught on.’

more confusion

‘eXCUse mE, lEE JEno? since when have you started coming home with all these things in your face?’

you were worried that this wasnt the first time this happened

but if you think hard about it, thats why he always wears his mouth masks and he always has his blonde fringe down and sometimes wears sunglasses even though its cloudy outside

‘ohmygod lee jeno are you in a gang?!’

jeno was shocked that you came to that conclusion but laughed at how adorable you were rn

with your wide eyes and mouth open

‘nah, bro. i box. its the only way i can make easy money.’

‘but,,, why did you hide this from me? if you needed money i couldve helped you’

he looked at you skeptically

‘sis, you could barely afford that muffin the other day’

lee jeno now looked different from the jeno you met the first day

What you thought to be an innocent little squish was a fighter at night

‘yah, can-um-you need to take this off’

you mumbled while tugging on his sweatshirt

he nodded and slipped it off

he explained why he came late when he first moved

‘i had a late night match and yknow,, school and all, i barely had enough time to come'

as you dab the wound, you try to make small talk to distract yourself

 ‘so,, youve been boxing this whole time?’

you asked, trying not to get distracted to the way his tight shirt clung to him, showing his defined body

there were bruises up and down his arms and his knuckles were busted

‘yea. i have been since senior high. gotta make money, yknow?’

‘but jen, you can work in coffee shops or at local bookstores. its not worth seeing you busted up like this’

your lips trembled at the thought of him being beaten up too hard to the point he gets into a coma

jenos eyes widened at your wobbling lips and he softly cupped your face

‘hey, im okay and ill be fine. you dont have to worry about me. i usually win, anyways’

his confidence made you chuckle

‘i trust you, lee jeno. just make sure to make it home to me every night.’

‘i know you do and i will. always.”

ever since then,

youve become his little caretaker

youve informed jaemin of what hes been doing and he knew but didnt want you to judge him immediately

smh, jaemin really sucks at informing people

but jeno tries to help you keep up

he even sends you texts that hes fighting that night and your little ‘fighting!’ always makes him smile

his manager and friend, chenle, noticed that hes starting to smile more

chenle likes boxing and wants to be a part of it but doesnt want to be hurt

so,, what better to be the manager of his friend

‘yah, hyung. what’s got you giggly today?’

jeno pointed to the screen and giggled at the little good luck gif you sent

his eyes turned to crescents and chenle smirked

‘wah, you like her, don’t you?’

at the mention of ‘like’, his smile dropped and he shook his head

‘no. of course not. shes just a friend.’

chenle being chenle,,

he continues to prod

‘okay. so every night, you make it your priority to make sure you’re home by 2 in the morning for your friend’

smh, chenle youre so annoying

but hes so right

ever since you caught him,

hes been making sure he gets home at the same time 

he sends you a text that hes on his way and you set your ringtone at a very high volume so you wake up and take care of him

during fights, he makes it his sole mission to make out of this alive and a winner for you

but that never crossed his mind as his feelings for you

he just thought of it as making you not worry for him

but then, he starts to think about your stupid little habits

the way you make this face whenever you dont understand

or when you still leave little post-it notes everywhere with ideas you come up with

he noticed it all and he loves them

‘hOLy ShIT!’

that night was when he realized his feelings for you and he was so dedicated on finishing it that he quickly won and he dashed home with his money

bursting through the door, you looked at him with wide and startled eyes

‘what’s wrong?’

you came running but he scooped you up to a hug

ok you were confused but relieved that he was home and alright

jeno looked at your face and wanted to confess but chickened out at the sight of you

you were so good to him and honestly, he doesnt deserve you

(his thoughts, not mine)

‘i-i’

he stuttered and you motioned him to continue

‘i won!’

he shouted and you congratulated him, even though he literally won all the time

guiding him to the chair, you began to dab his cuts

(dab that bitch)

‘im starting to think that your opponents either really suck or youre like the god of boxing’

he didnt know how to take that but blushed red at the mention of him being a ‘god of boxing’

‘nah, im just good’

you eyed him and smiled

he continued to watch you heal him and inspected your face

heavy eyebags and sunken cheeks, it mustve been a long night

he felt a pang in his chest thinking that you push your stuff away just to help him

‘you dont have to keep doing this for me, yknow’

you halt and look at him seriously

‘i know i dont. but i cant sleep at night thinking youre in pain and alone when i can be there for you’

even though he just realized it, jeno was pretty sure he fell in love with you a long time ago

but if it was possible, he fell in love with you even more

‘thank you’

his soft voice filled the silence and you vowed that you will always be there for him whenever he needs help

a few days later, jeno hasnt been to a fight

sure you were worried at what was going on in his head but partly relieved that you dont have to see him so battered anymore

but this was so un-jeno

just as you were about to talk to him about it, he announces he got a job at the bookstore down the street

‘huh? i thought you didnt want to work’

you question while he looked sheepish

‘i realized that i was starting to become a burden since you take care of me every time. so i thought i should quit and get a regular job. besides, it doesnt hurt as much’

he laughed but you didnt react

‘lee jeno, you gave up boxing and the money,,, for me?’

he nervously looked up at you and you noticed the redness of his cheeks

‘i-well-if you put it that way’

‘listen to me, im flattered and i truly love that you dont want to get beaten up anymore. but i dont want you to quit something you like because of me'

‘but you always take care of me and push your priorities away to clean me up. i dont do anything in return and i dont think its fair!’

he argued and a soft smile crept up your face

‘yah, lee jeno'

your voice became a whisper

‘it doesnt matter to me if you dont do anything in return bc i dont see this as a favor. you are mine to take care of and i will do anything for you, you understand that?’

he looked at you in shock after hearing your response

he also turned red at the mention of him being yours

‘so-but-i dont think-'

he stutters but you place your hands on his arms making him stop

‘all i ask is you to come back home, to come back to me'

by now, yall were blushing

even though it might not sound like it,

but yall just indirectly confessed to each other

yall stared at the ground and jeno looks up, biting his lip

‘hey, y/n, can i make it up to you with some coffee?’

your head darted up and looked at him with wide eyes

‘like-like a date?’

it came out suddenly and you stepped back in surprise, cursing yourself

but jeno chuckled, eyes scrunching cutely

‘it'll be one of many'

lmao i didnt really like this but i made it at 2 in the morning and i kinda like boxer!jeno

[lovemesomesurveys]

Name:  Stephanie.

Country: USA.

Age:  31.

Gender(s): Female

Height:  ~5′4

weight:  70-something lbs.

eye color: Brown.

skin color:  White.

Heritage: I’ve been really wanting to do one of those ancestry dna or 23 and me tests to find out exactly what I am. Relationship status:  Single.

Are you physically healthy?  No.

Are you mentally healthy? Nope

Job?:  No job.

school:  I graduated college back in 2015.

Favs:

Animal:  Dogs and giraffes.

Flower:  I don’t really have one.

Movie:  I have many favorites.

TV show: I have many favorites.

Music:  I like variety.

Band:  One of them will always be Linkin Park.

Video Game: Mario Bros games and Animal Crossing: New Horizon

Gaming Console: Nintendo Switch.

Name:  Alexander. ;)

Person:  My family.

Love life:

1: Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Nope.

2: Do you love them? 

3: Are you still in love with an ex? No.

4: How many people have you dated?  Two.

5: Do you think you’ll get married?  No.

6: Have you ever been emotionally/physically abused in a relationship?  No.

7: Have you ever hurt your partner by accident without knowing it? I’m single, but no I don’t think I have in the past. But if I didn’t know it then I wouldn’t know?

8: Whats important to you in a relationship?  Communication, trust, understanding, patience.

9: Do you have to see them everyday? ( or hear from them)? I’m singleeee. 

10: Do you think you can love someone within 2 weeks? I personally don’t think so.

Friendship and Family:

1: How many friends do you have?  Zero.

2: What type of friend are you?  Not a good one anymore.

3: Have you ever been friends with someone for longer than 7 years? Yeah. My former best friend and I were friends for almost 15 years.

4: Do you have one best friend, more or none?  One, my mom. 

5: Have you ever had a friend just stop being your friend and you never knew why?  Yes.

6: Do you get along with family?  Yes.

7: Do you have a family member you hate?  No.

8: Does your family accept who you are?  Yes.

9: Are you an only child or have siblings?  I have 2 brothers. 

10: Do you have parents that still live together? Yes.

School:

1:What grade are you in? I’m not.

2: Are you in Middle, High, or college? ( or neither)?  Neither, like I said I graduated college back in 2015.

3: Whats your favorite class?  English was always my favorite. In college I enjoyed most of my psych classes.

4: Do you have a fav school year?  Elementary school years.

5: Are you a good student?  I was, yeah.

6: Do you think homework is good or bad?  I wouldn’t say it’s good or bad. I mean, I get seeing if you’re understanding then material and whatnot and applying it. I guess it depends on the amount assigned and what type of assignment it is. 

7: Have you ever had a teacher who was really funny but had poor teaching skills?  Yes.

8: Is your GPA high or low?  It was high.

9: Do you like to particpate in conversations in the class room or are you the listener?  I was definitely a listener. I haaaaated classes that made class discussion apart of your grade.

10: Do you take part in extra school events? (eg. Plays, sports, leadership,clubs)? I was in clubs in high school and the psych club in college, even serving as a board member.

Health

1: Do you need to lose or gain weight?  I definitely need to put on some weight.

2: Have you ever had the swine flu? (H1n1)  No. I remember being scared about getting it and that whole thing wasn’t even on the level of covid. 

3: Do you like to go to the doctors?  Nooo. I’ve had more than my share of doctor appointments of all different kinds all throughout my life. They still make me anxious and stressed out, they’re definitely not something I find enjoyable.

4: Have you ever puked in school or at work?  I remember getting sick once in kindergarten and having to rush outside to the trash can.

5: Have you ever been extremely sick where you couldnt even leave your bed? Yes, I’ve experienced that several times.

6: Do you hate puking or does it make you feel better? I hate actually doing it, but afterwards I usually do feel better. There are times where it gets to the point where I wish I would just do it already and get it over with cause I know it’d help me feel better. That’s when I’m really not feeling well.

7: Have you ever coughed up blood?  No.

8: Should you be eating healthier ? Yes.

9: Do you lie to your doctor?  I downplay some things or not share certain things, admittedly. :X

10: Have you ever taken too much advils?  No. That would make me sick.

Mental Health:

1: Do you have a mental illness?  Yes.

2: Do you take anti-depressants? No.

3: Are you mentally stable?  Uhhh.

4: Have you ever been misdiagnosed? Yes.

5: Do you think you have an disorder but havent been properly diagnosed yet? Maybe.

6: Is self diagnosing good or bad? I don’t see an issue with researching yourself and thinking you may have something, but it’s important to take that information to a doctor. However, sadly I know that not everyone is able to do that. And I also have a problem with doing that myself, which I think can cause unnecessary stress. I also think people tend to throw around labels and say they have something when they don’t. Gah, it’s a slippery slope.

7: Should we give more money to mental health research?  Yes, absolutely.

8: Do you think everyone has a chance to over come their mental disorders?  I think many can learn to better manage some of them, but I feel like they’re always going to be there. 

9: Would you ever not date someone if they had a severe disorder? ( Schizophrenia,BPD, mood disorders)? I don’t know and I’m probably horrible for saying that. I have my mental disorders and I know it can be a lot for people to be around and handle. I just... I don’t know if I’d be able to be there for them in a way they might need ya know? I lack the experience. I can’t say no for certain. I think it would just really depend on the situation and if I learned more about it. 

10: Does mental illness run in your family? Yes.

SEX

1: Virgin?  Yes.

2: what age did you lose it? 3: Did you take sex ed? 6th grade, middle school, and a health and psych class my freshman year in high school.

4: Does size matter?

5: Whats your favorite poistions?

6: Does virginity exist? I believe so. I know some feel it’s not a real thing or a social construct, but to me it’s a thing. It’s someone who hasn’t had sex. When you have sex, you’re said to have lost your virginity and to me that just means in the very literal sense that you’re not a virgin anymore. I’m not referring to it as something deeper. Although, it can be for some people. And while I don’t think it’s like losing some part of yourself or something life altering, I personally feel like I would feel a change in some way. I also want to add that it’s something I want “lose” or share with someone special. I don’t know, man. I’m sure I’m not explaining it well. It’s just a personal thing.

7: Do you think sex is overated?  I wouldn’t know.

8: Is making love and fucking different? One just sounds more romantic and slow and passionate and the other sounds rough lol 9: Is it important for both genders to understand eachothers bodies?  Yeah.

10: If someone was a virgin and was raped, did they lose their virginity? If it’s not consensual or your choice then you can choose not to count it is how I see it. Like yes, technically they’ve had sex, but something so horrific and traumatic doesn’t count. Losing their virginity should be done their way, with someone they want to share that with. In the situation they were raped, they’re allowed to take their power and control back and count it when they do so with someone they want to do, consensually. 

Check the box:

1.My hair color is: [x] Brown [] Black [] Blonde [x]Red [] Funky colors [] Auburn [] more than one color <<< It’s a mix of my natural color and red because I haven’t dyed it since February.

2.Eye color: []Blue []Grey [x]Brown []Light brown []dark brown []green []amber [] I have two different colors of eyes

3.I am a : []Male [x] Female []Trans Male [] Trans Female []Gender Fluid [] I dont have a gender []Non Binary [] other

4: I am: []Fit [] Average [x]Skinny []Fat

5: I love my : [x]Hair []Eyes []Smile []Teeth []Skin []everything about myself []None of these.  <<< Italicized because I only like my hair when it’s been dyed and my roots aren’t showing haha... unlike now.

6: I hate my: [x]Hair []eyes [xx]smile [x]teeth [x]skin [x] everything about myself [] I dont hate anything about myself

7: My feet are: [x]Small []Wide []Narrow []long []large [x]Ugly []Pretty

8: I have a hard time: []Finding something to wear [x]Making Friends [x] making food [x]staying focused

9: I am: []Employed [x]Not employed []retired []I can’t work []Self employed []Looking for a job

10: I love: []the moon []the sun [x]the stars []our galaxy []planets

Bold what is true:

I am Funny

I am a girl

I have no hair

I have curly hair

^ I hate it

I have straight hair

I have a dog

I have a cat

I have both

I love to get drunk

I don’t drink

I love to smoke weed but i hate smoking cigarettes

I love both

I rather have one best friend than 20 friends who i am not close with

My dad died

My mom died

My parents are both dead

My parents are alive

I like to touch my bruises

I have funny teeth

I love Mcdonalds fries

Sometimes when Im alone I sing as loud as I can

even if i cant sing

I believe in God

I believe in the butterfly affect

I hate video games

I wish I was taller

I can’t understand math

I am very good at writing an essay

I never had sex before

I love Mac N Cheese

I love Disney Movies

I prefer Dreamswork over Walt Disney

I am going to College

I finished college

I wish I went to college

I hate my job

I am the boss at my job

I have a feelings for a friend but i cant tell them because it would ruin our friendship

^ I have feelings and i told them

I wish soda was healthy

I sleep with the window opened

This survey was too long

[forethan21]

18/12/2020

To me love isnt about staying in a relationship or dwelling on a feeling. Love to me is bending but not breaking to compromise. It is the kind where you know when to let go in hopes to trust for the best to come, the kind where you empathise, showing vulnerability and completely surrender. (Remember when Jesus died for us in the cross? Diba he gave his all, his everything just so we can live. That should be a standard in our lives. To choose someone who would do anything to just be with us without questioning our worth. Never settle for someone who gives half of their heart. Its all or nothing.) The kind that is mature. Love is what you do despite of what you feel. The kind that fights for the good of someone else even if they never see the value or sacrifice that you did. (Thats what Jesus did. He never complained when he was on the cross. All the pain and burden he endured bc he loves us. And look at us now not even recognising how amazing he is. We took it this life for granted- some of us are wasting it, choosing people for our own accord and pleasure. Im saying this in general im not hinting it on anyone, but if the shoes fits then..) The kind that demands temporary surrender of security, giving up familiar bad habits and patterns, giving unrewarded works and efforts. The kind that challenges you in so many ways. Love wasnt made to be comfortable. It was made to show change and growth.

Not gonna lie tho i loved you for you and everything youve done. Those memories are dear to me bc i knew you tried no matter how difficult it was to love me in some days. Kaya gusto ko lng magpasalamat dun. Likewise, something i learned recently was that we should never question someone elses love for us regardless if it was inadequate. Bc i realised we should be thankful for the amount of love and care we receive from any person out there. Family, friends, lovers. That itself should be enough. Its not up to us how much love they should give to make us feel satisfied. That wouldn’t be love. The greatest love you could ever receive should come from you and the Lord not from anybody else. So i just wanna tell you that i take back those times i questioned your love. Bc what you gave was already enough.

Im sorry i couldnt wait for you to change. Bc i realised if you knew how to love me the very first time I wouldnt need to tell you anything. I wouldnt feel hurt bc im rest assured that you love me enough to know what to do. It didnt feel mutual to me.

When u came bck with your letter idk it seemed like there was something missing. Committment and plans. Maybe i was hoping that youd take me back but i guess it was the opposite. And maybe that was your answer after all. To tell me that you arent staying. I hope next time you go into a relationship po, you dont assume the worst. You dont jump into conclusions when it gets tough. Bc like anything can change if youre willing to do it. You need to trust the the other side will stay. It was the way your mindset was so fixed on the idea that I will leave. That i was making excuses. Ndi pow. I jst have standards. Oo tao ka lng, you make mistakes but how do i know tht youre not gonna make the same mistake again? Im jst protecting my heart po. I guess i dont wanna experience the same trauma again.

I hope someday na you will learn to see the good in people regardless if they did u wrong pow. (idk lng ha pero I dont think youve moved on sa ex mo pow. I feel like you havent fully forgiven her and accepted what has happened. I know it hurts to know that they betrayed you like that but your worth is not defined by them po. You did your best po and if she did not recognised that then thats her loss. This is partly what keeps u holding bck. Bc u didnt get closure. I hope you reflect on that and find the closure that you need po. Dont tell me you dont need one bc i know deep in your heart that it still hurts. Like bruh the fact na sure na sure ka na sa kanya u were ready to put a ring on her finger. You were hopeful and certain. I think it was meant to happen to test you both in your worst. You had your mistakes. She had hers. Dont you think you should close tht chapter of your life before starting a new one? Or more importantly, dont you think you deserve peace? Ill leave you to think bout tht). I wasnt trying to find something wrong jst to let you go. If i did i wouldnt put myself in a situation where I will lose my friends po.

Ethan i understand you. I understand your fear of giving too much to someone who youre unsure of and thats fine. But you need to accept the consequences of your mistakes. You need to take responsibility of it and what you couldve done to fix it. (Reflection is very important.) Youre not wrong for not knowing that but again you need to reflect in every situation in your life. It doesnt matter if you were right or wrong. Its important to do this bc the next time it will happen to you, you will know what to do. reflecting really helps you to step back and understand yourself, other people and the surroundings. It helps with analysing your own feelings, emotions and as well as understanding the depth of your own thinking. You need to consider other people’s feelings too. Understand their point of view and why they did things that way. 

I told you yesterday that what happened in the past does not define you. You may have done them so wrong but i hope your realise youre not in debt to them. I remember your story about what you did to the girl. Yung trauma mo sa kanya you gotta let it go pow. You dont need to blame yourself every day for something that youve no control of. You did it out of anger. and she threatened you bc she has her personal issues as well. She was showing wat kind of person she was. It does not put a label on u. So far as I know you havent apologised to urself for what had happened and u havent forgiven her for what shes done. Whenever youre mad po dont let your emotions get the best of you. Give space and time. Step back from the situation and reflect. count to ten and reorganise your thoughts and feelings. What happened? what made me feel that way? what can i do to fix this? 

The way i see it lng ha pero it felt like youre pitying yourself. And i want o reassure you that i recognised all you did to keep this relationship. The fights where you communicated with me, the times where you waited for me to explain, the support you give, and how you made me happy each single day. What youve done until this day is enough. I cant emphasise it enough. Ndi ko yun binalewala lahat. I saw your effort. Thats why i fought for u. Bc alam ko ndi ka ganun na tao. Kc alam ko na they have perceived you wrong. I saw the good in you. I saw that youre worthy of change. Everyone does pow. That was the purpose of it all.

But ldr is frickin hard. Being in a relationship is difficult enough let along ldr. Jst thinking about the amount of trust u hav for ur partner dang.. you need to fully invest on trust yo. How to overcome and resolve issues esp if theyre like me haha. Its hard for sure to do tht kc even ako may trust issues but it is possible. But as of now theres many areas in your life that you need to fix alone. Im not saying that im right ha. I could be wrong in so many areas about you that idk of but this is based on knowing you for months. im not saying you have a problem internally cuz we all have problems po What im saying is that there are some things we need to learn from others as well. Its a matter of listening and comprehending what theyre tryna relay and teach u.

Also asking for help isnt a weakness. (Idk but i cud feel you were mad that I reached out to your mother. Bro i know na kaya mo nman maging independent and i know na ayaw mo lng maburden yung parents mo with your problems on top of theirs but its gud that alam din nla ang anak nla is struggling and needs emotional support.) Its realising that we are deserving to feel and be emotionally supported. so dont ever feel bad for reaching out and admitting that youre struggling. after all were only human.

Though i never said anything i lowkey promised that I would not give up on you (sinsabi ko sa sarili ko to) bc i wanted to show you what its like for someone to stay. You told me about your past and struggles and i did everything i can for that not to happen again. You told me what broke your heart and I nver wanted you to feel anything like that in the relationship. More like i ensured that my intentions for you are pure. But somewhere along the way i came to realise that we both need to grow seperately. Not bc i gave up on you but bc i decided to think about myself and what i needed. I dont wanna text you and talk to u bc i respect you that much to know that this isnt the right time for both of us.

Being the way i am right now is for the best. Were both healing and getting the peace we need. God knows what Hes doing with us and i keep you in my prayers at night. Maybe someday down the line well meet again, at the right time. God will decide tht for us but for now ill be supportive of you in the silence. I dont wanna be civil cuz i know itll jst hurt you more esp since you have strong feelings for me. Dont worry my love for you will remain unconditional. But one thing i cant promise tho is that idk if my love for u will stay. We dont know what the future will bring. We may find our happiness in diff places. We may find it together. But all i know is i trust God to dictate my life. Thank you Ethan. Kahit paano i felt your unconditional love din. You can text me anytime if you need anything. Ill be here nman pow.

[sassiperere]

Sex Tape

Title: Sex Tape Pairing: Akira Kurusu/Ryuji Sakamoto Rating: M (implied sexual content) Word Count: 3712 Summary: futaba gets a hold of some compromising information and it all goes downhill from there (chatfic)

Fucking i dont even REMEMBER how we got to this conversation in the pegoryu discord server BUT WE DID and we semi rpd this whole thing at 11pm all the way through midnight and i was writing this thing based on that conversation at like 2 am so im actually very embarrassed but anyway enjoy this fucking chaos of a fanfic

READ IT ON AO3

GROUP NAME: ✨ PHANTOM THIEVES ✨

MEMBERS: Capable Leader™, -` RYUJI ´-, ANN~, Yusuke K., Makoto, [hacker voice].

TODAY 00:47 AM

[hacker voice]: Gee, futaba, what do you do with all your amazing hacking skills?

[hacker voice]: I leak government secrets, destroy anonymous organizations and hack into my old neopets account because I forgot the password and I wanted to feel nostalgic

Makoto: What’s that?

[hacker voice]: children’s website. You had to adopt a “neopet” and raise it kinda like a Tamagotchi. It had some really fun features like games and events and shit. It really kept me entertained when I was younger

[hacker voice]: comfort site, if you will.

Makoto: Sounds nice!

Capable Leader™: you played that? I thought it was really boring when I tried

[hacker voice]: with all due respect wtf is wrong with you?

Capable Leader™: I dunno, all the neopets looked kinda ugly…

[hacker voice]: you have a dick with tentacles as a persona and you’re calling neopets ugly????

Capable Leader™: I never said Mara was pretty

[hacker voice]: point taken

[hacker voice]: but like my point is

[hacker voice]: kacheeks

Capable Leader™: They were kinda cute but I abandoned one for a soy sauce or whatever was that dragon one

[hacker voice]: that’s it

[hacker voice]: that’s where I draw the line

[hacker voice]: you’re dead to me

[hacker voice]: I’m leaking your nudes

Capable Leader™: WTF?? HOW DO YOU HAVE THEM?? I DON’T EVEN HIDE THEM IN MY PHONE ANYMORE??

[hacker voice]: oh my god you actually have nudes?

Capable Leader™: oh…

Capable Leader™: woops…

ANN~: knew it

ANN~: @ -` RYUJI ´- pay the fuck up

-` RYUJI ´-: wtf? WTF??? WTF AKIRA???

-` RYUJI ´-: WHY DO YOU HAVE NUDES??

-` RYUJI ´-: ARE THEY YOURS OR LIKE NUDES YOU RECEIVED?

Capable Leader™: Listen

[hacker voice]: update I got them

Capable Leader™: do you really?

[hacker voice]: four of them were taken on the same day cause your nails were painted black and the other two are from a different angle and your underwear has paw prints on it

Capable Leader™: fuck.

-` RYUJI ´-: FOR REAL??

Makoto: Excuse me what kind of nonsense is going on right now?

[hacker voice]: I hacked into Akira’s PC and got his super secret dick pix

Makoto: I expected better from both of you

ANN~: Guys I’m heer im just slaughging so hard I cant se

-` RYUJI ´-: WHY DO YOU HAVE THESE?? WHO ARE YOU SENDING THEM TO??

Capable Leader™: does it matter who I send my genitals to?

-` RYUJI ´-: UH YEAH?? I CAN’T BE THE ONLY ONE WORRIED ABOUT THIS CAN I??

Yusuke K.: What seems to be the matter?

-` RYUJI ´-: AKIRAS BEEN SENDING NUDES TO STRANGERS AND FUTABA GOT THEM

Yusuke K.: Akira I did not know you had nude portraits of yourself

Yusuke K.: You should have informed me. I would gladly appraise them.

Yusuke K.: I would love to paint you too, if you so desire. I’m sure your form is marvelous to capture on canvas.

-` RYUJI ´-: dude…

ANN~: I FEEL BAD THAT IM LAUGHING

Makoto: @Yusuke K. it’s really not what you think…

[hacker voice]: ryuji are you

[hacker voice]: jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeealous?

 PRIVATE MESSAGE: the blonde fuckboy one

the blonde fuckboy one: yo futaba

the blonde fuckboy one: do you actually for real have akiras dick there?

You: YOU ARE I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS

the blonde fuckboy one: stfu

You: yeah I do have akira’s nudes for real, here I’ll send you a sneaky preview as proof

You sent AKIRA_NUDE_1_CENSOR.jpeg

the blonde fuckboy one: oh my god

You: interested in the full, uncensored ver? For a mere fee of 400y you can have it

the blonde fuckboy one: no wtf im not gonna do that to my bro akira

the blonde fuckboy one: but how big is he

You: im speechless

the blonde fuckboy one: is he bigger than me?

You: dunno need material to compare

the blonde fuckboy one: ok

the blonde fuckboy one: wait

the blonde fuckboy one: youre gonna threaten to leak mine too fuck you

You: worth a shot

 PRIVATE MESSAGE: Emo Bob Ross

Emo Bob Ross: Hello, Futaba, I am interested in Akira’s nude portraits. Are you perhaps offering them?

Emo Bob Ross: Ryuji did say Akira was sending them off to strangers so I would imagine he has no quarrel with me evaluating it.

Emo Bob Ross: Should I pick them up at Leblanc?

You: I don’t even know where to start

Emo Bob Ross: Any of them would be fine. It would be difficult to take multiple ones to the dorms regardless.

You: I feel bad now

Emo Bob Ross: ?

You: yusuke… you should go to bed…

You: you’re typing a lot please don’t make this into an art rant thing

Emo Bob Ross: Futaba must I explain once again that nude portraits have no perverted undertones and are about the portrayal of the human being stripped of all it’s factors back down to it’s core, thus revealing it’s innermost self? The true self. The self an artist so desperately seeks to represent and very few up to this date have been successful. My eternal search for the perfect and realest form has me in need of diverse- both physically and spiritually – models that are willing to bare their very souls to me. I am not looking at this experience as a lustful, carnal desire. I would never dare take advantage of someone who has been brave enough to let me gaze upon their being so intimately for the sake of art. We have been through this. I have been through this with several people, in actuality, I’m starting to get a little tired of explaining this over and over again but for the sake of deconstruction of societal standards that block my advancement in the unexplored road to artistic perfection I will gladly do so.

You: holy shit

You: im sorry yusuke but its 1 am im just skimming through this

You: the thing is not that I doubt your passion to your study of the arts

You: the thing is that what I have… is not art…

Emo Bob Ross: I’ll be the judge of that

Emo Bob Ross: Not to offend you but I have a trained eye

You: you know what

You: do you have 400y? For that much you can have the digital copy. Physical copy is gonna be at least 600 depending on the material

Emo Bob Ross: I’m low on cash but I’ll keep you in mind if I manage to rake in the money.

 GROUP NAME: ✨ PHANTOM THIEVES ✨

[hacker voice]: @Capable Leader™ lets make a deal

[hacker voice]: give me a copy of every nude you make willingly and I wont leak these

Capable Leader™: why tf would I do that

[hacker voice]: cause your dick is magical and I’ll split the spoils 20/80

Makoto: Stop this at once. There’s no way this deal is good news. Akira knows this.

Capable Leader™: I demand at LEAST 50/50

Makoto: AKIRA

[hacker voice]: I deserve more?? I’m doing ALL the work?

Capable Leader™: It’s MY dick??

-` RYUJI ´-: he’s right tho… the dick is like 90% of a man’s identity…

ANN~: Whats the other 10%?

-` RYUJI ´-: the balls

ANN~: I’m sorry I asked

[hacker voice] 40/60 is the MAX im willing to go and that’s me being GENEROUS because I recognize you have magic juju dick pix that already fished in two possible buyers

[hacker voice]: and also youre my friend and I love you

-` RYUJI ´-: I never said I’d buy it???

[hacker voice]: sigh

Capable Leader™: Ryuji…

-` RYUJI ´-: UH

Capable Leader™: Bro…

-` RYUJI ´-: I MEAN

Capable Leader™: If you wanted my nudes…

-` RYUJI ´-: I ALSO ENVER SAID I ASKED FUTABA FOR THEM DON’T GET THE WRONG IDEA

Capable Leader™: You just had to ask…

-` RYUJI ´-: LISTEN I JUST WANTED TO KNOW IF YOU WERE BIGGER THAN ME THAT’S A MAN THING

-` RYUJI ´-: wait really

ANN~: omfg

Makoto: I feel like this conversation is about to get very intimate

Yusuke K.: I would like to request permission to ask for your nudes as well, Akira

Capable Leader™: oh

Capable Leader™: well that’s a surprising turn of events

Yusuke K.: I fail to see how that surprises you considering you know how I am a fan of the erotica genre and it’s artistic disposition to strip a human bare to it’s very core.

-` RYUJI ´-: no dude…

-` RYUJI ´-: like this is not the nude art thing you keep talking about...

-` RYUJI ´-: this is like

Capable Leader™: (implying I’m not art)

[hacker voice]: touché

-` RYUJI ´-: a dick pic

-` RYUJI ´-: like its just a picture of his dick taken with his phone camera that’s it

Yusuke K.: Well, anything can be art! Art is subjective! I would like to evaluate the photograph!

-` RYUJI ´-: LISTEN MAN, AKIRA DIDN’T TAKE THAT PICTURE TO BE ARTSY, TRUST ME.

Makoto: Yusuke I strongly advise against this

Makoto: If anyone online offers to send you “a nude” please do not accept it…

Yusuke K.: It does intrigue me why anyone would simply want a picture of someone else’s genitalia when you could get the full view…

Makoto: remain intrigued

Makoto: not everything in life needs to be understood

Capable Leader™: Hey Futaba, I accept payment in Ryuji’s nudes as well

[hacker voice]: the contract has been sealed

-` RYUJI ´-: WTF AKIRA

-` RYUJI ´-: I DIDN’T CONSENT TO THIS

Capable Leader™: Come on, Ryuji… my bro…

Capable Leader™: This is just a bro thing…

Capable Leader™: Whomst amongst us never seen their best bro’s dick?

Capable Leader™: You’re my best bro, Ryuji… I wanna get to know every part of you…

Makoto: this is a public chat

[hacker voice]: gross

Capable Leader™: The very deep and intimate connection between two bros is nothing to hide, Makoto…

ANN~: You should hang out and deepen your bond

[hacker voice]: don’t think I don’t know what youre doing ann, that’s cheating

ANN~: ;)

-` RYUJI ´-: bro…

-` RYUJI ´-: If you wanted MY nudes bro…

-` RYUJI ´-: you could have just asked, bro….

Makoto: I can’t believe this is a thing that is happening right now

ANN~: ive turned off the TV this group chat is too lit for me to take my eyes off it

Makoto: it’s 2 am we should prepare to bed

Capable Leader™: [MESSAGE DELETED]

[hacker voice]: FUCK

ANN~: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSS IM RAKING IT IN TONIIIIIIIIIIIGHT

ANN~: WAIT WHAT

Capable Leader™: what? I didn’t delete that?

ANN~: FUTABA THATS CHEATING!!

[hacker voice]: YOU CHEATED FIRST! YOU INSTIGATED HIM!

ANN~: I INSTIGATED THE IDEA BUT NOT WHO WOULD BE SAYING IT???

[hacker voice]: HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

ANN~: SAY IT AGAIN AKIRA

Capable Leader™: @ -` RYUJI ´- come over

[hacker voice]: I hate that im partially to blame for this

-` RYUJI ´-: woah akira

ANN~: no bitch no matter how this conversation went it would end the same way cause im ALWAYS RIGHT

ANN~: I’m making it rain Monday morning. I’m taking Shiho to that fancy cake place she wanted to go.

-` RYUJI ´-: isn’t it kinda late for that??

Capable Leader™: I’m alone and Boss doesn’t open shop tomorrow

Capable Leader™: I can show you the goods myself

Capable Leader™: You know?

-` RYUJI ´-: SDSDMX,X CM SALÇ DAÇSD

-` RYUJI ´-: DID YOUJUST BOOTY CALL ME??

Capable Leader™ sent MAYBESO.gif

-` RYUJI ´-: BRO

Makoto: Gross innuendos publicly aside: finally

Makoto: It was getting frustrating seeing you two obviously pinning on each other

[hacker voice]: and don’t even talk about the baton passes…

Capable Leader™: I mean he hasn’t accepted yet…

ANN~: oh he will

ANN~: he better

-` RYUJI ´-: why should you decide

ANN~: cause as your best friend I know whats best for you and I know for a damn fact you will not get a better score than akira

-` RYUJI ´-: thanks I love you too

ANN~: FUCKING LOOK AT HIM! HE’S OFFERING HIMSELF ON A SILVER PLATTER!

-` RYUJI ´-: THIS IS REALLY AWKWARD FOR ME MAN…

ANN~: don’t embarrass yourself in front of your crush like that

Capable Leader™: I like when they get shy

ANN~: oh my god youre such a slut

Capable Leader™: ;)

-` RYUJI ´-: bro…

ANN~: WHAT ARE YOU DOING STILL IN THE CHATROOM GO ANSWER THE GOD DAMNED BOOTY CALL ALREADY

-` RYUJI ´-: IM REALLY NERVOUS OK

ANN~: RYUJI YOU USELESS BISEXUAL

-` RYUJI ´-: GDI

Capable Leader™: you don’t have to come for real it was just a joke

ANN~:  wait really?

Capable Leader™: @ -` RYUJI ´-

Capable Leader™: wait is he actually coming??

[hacker voice]: yeah he left 5 mins I traced his phone rn

Capable Leader™: oh fuck…..

ANN~: was it actually a joke??

Capable Leader™: No I just didn’t think I’d actually get this far??

ANN~: YOURE BOTH USELESS BISEXUALS AND I HATE YOU

Yusuke K.: Akira may I join you both? If you’re willing to model for me I will certainly not pass on this opportunity

Makoto: Please don’t.

Capable Leader™: oh my god yusuke

Capable Leader™: not today

Capable Leader™: maybe some other day

Capable Leader™: wink wink

Yusuke K.: I understand. Take all the time you need but please consider my request.

[hacker voice]: I can’t believe Ryuji’s about to get the succ

[hacker voice]: according to my gps ryuji should already be at leblanc??

Capable Leader™: oh he’s here alright. Just nervously prancing in front of my front door.

Capable Leader™: I haven’t called to him yet, let a man be ready

Capable Leader™: (I also don’t know if im fully ready so…)

ANN~: oh grl you got this

ANN~: you’ve been training all your life for this

ANN~: besides its not like hes gonna know the difference between a good bj and a bad bj lol

Capable Leader™: youre right

Capable Leader™: but I also you know, care about him a lot

Capable Leader™: I wanna make this a good experience cause I care about ryuji a lot… like in a very gay way…

ANN~: Aww!! :)

Makoto: I want to take no part in this conversation but that was adorable

ANN~: srsly im talking to ryuji rn on private and hes freaking out cause of the same thing

ANN~: wants it to be really good to you bc he loves you sm and youre so hot and hes already semi just thinking abt you

Capable Leader™: I’m flattered

ANN~: he’s super overwhelmed cause its his first time and with a boy he loves so like admsadsa damn ryuji youre so cute

ANN~: almost makes my cold blooded bitch heart feel something

Capable Leader™: I’ll give him all the time he needs!

ANN~: you should really open the door for him and at least put him inside cause its cold and there was a robbery in your street earlier this week

ANN~: and you know ryuji hell stubbornly stand in front of that store until the sun comes up if hes wallowing in nerves

Capable Leader™: youre right…

Capable Leader™: im gonna go do that…

Capable Leader™: @[hacker voice] if you have any cameras in my room turn them off!

[hacker voice]: for how much?

Capable Leader™: FUTABA, PLEASE.

[hacker voice]: calm down theyre already off. Havent been on since we became friends.

[hacker voice]: just thought youd like to have your fond memories engraved on tape for your enjoyment…

Capable Leader™: …

Capable Leader™: that’s… tempting

Makoto: are you out of your mind??

ANN~: YOU’RE SUCH A SLUT, AKIRA

Makoto: God, you’re hopeless. At least talk it over with Ryuji first.

Capable Leader™: I just did. He’s cool with it.

Makoto: Somehow I feel like this is an oversimplification of the conversation.

Capable Leader™ changed his username to Tapable Leader <3

Tapable Leader <3 changed the group name to AKIRA & RYUJI’S SEX TAPE

Makoto: I’m leaving.

Makoto: Only talk to me when you want to group up from now on.

-` RYUJI ´-: I ONLY AGREED WITH IT IF ONLY ME AND AKIRA GET A COPY!!

-` RYUJI ´-: ITS ONLY FAIR CONSIDERING YOU’RE ALREADY SELLING AKIRA’S NUDES!!

[hacker voice]: I’ll make three copies of the sex tape

[hacker voice]: 600y each

[hacker voice]: first come first serve

[hacker voice]: no reservations

[hacker voice]: you show me the money the tape is yours

[hacker voice]: those are my terms

Tapable Leader <3: even if Ryuji and I get copies there’ll still be one in the wild for someone to buy?

ANN~: isn’t that thrilling tho

ANN~: one other stranger youll never know about can be watching you

ANN~: and if futaba agrees to take down any reuploads of the tape its like your very own secret but like… shared with a stranger… that’s a kink isn’t it??

[hacker voice]: yure right…

Tapable Leader <3: holy shit

Makoto: This is so irresponsible…

[hacker voice]: thought you wanted no part in this?

Makoto: I can’t simply not take part. You guys are worse unsupervised…

Tapable Leader <3: Futaba, it’s a deal if mine and Ryuji’s copies are free of charge

[hacker voice]: fair enough

Tapable Leader <3: nice. We’re going upstairs now.

[hacker voice]: camera’s ready!

ANN~: lmao I cant believe this is actually happening

Makoto: so much for reputable thieves…

Makoto: I swear if this sex tape leaks and we get found out because of it…

Makoto: What’s worse! Akira’s on probation! That will most definitely spell trouble for him depending on who gets their hands on this tape!

ANN~: Guess we have no choice but to buy it ourselves!

Makoto: Or don’t do the sex tape?! At all?!

ANN~: Nothing’s gonna happen, Makoto! Chillax!

ANN~: How can they possibly trace a video of Akira sucking Ryuji off back to the phantom thieves?

ANN~: What kind of evidence even is this?

[hacker voice]: Akira’s jacked??? I didn’t know he worked out that much??

ANN~: he looks really skinny right?

ANN~: did ryuji come with his stupid neon pink and green watermelon bullshit panties?

[hacker voice]: they stopped to talk rn

[hacker voice]: ryujis like flipping

[hacker voice]: asking if akira had done this before

[hacker voice]: apparently akira has sucked “some dicks”

[hacker voice]: AT LEAST TWO ARE FROM HIS CLASS

Makoto: Do you really need to keep us updated?

ANN~: yes

Makoto: sigh

[hacker voice]: @ANN~ ryuji’s wearing the pink underwear

ANN~: god I hate those

ANN~: @Tapable Leader <3 burn them when youre done

[hacker voice]: I hate doing this. This is just like when you’re watching a movie and there’s a unnecessary kissing scene and the entire scene is like 3 minutes of uncomfortable schlepping kissing noises.

ANN~: yeah that must be pretty awkward

[hacker voice]: it is super awkward. Akira owes me one

[hacker voice]: oh my god

[hacker voice]: ryuji scared the crap outta me he legit screamed right now

[hacker voice]: I don’t even need mics for this ryuji’s so loud

ANN~: whaaat? Ryuji? Loud?? Who would have thought…

-` RYUJI ´-: IM SORRY OK IM REALLY LIVID HERE

ANN~: WTF???? WHAT AR EYOU DOING TEXTING US???

-` RYUJI ´-: IDK WHAT TO DO WITH MY HANDS!!

ANN~: YOURE USELESS. I CANT BELIEVE YOU.

Tapable Leader <3: you can pull my hair, its fine

ANN~: HOW ARE YOU TEXTING EVEN??

Makoto: It’s been a while since we got an update.

[hacker voice]: do you want em?

Makoto: No, I simply worry how long this is lasting.

[hacker voice]: it’s gotten to a really graphic point. I’m not even watching anymore, its really really awkward… if you want the full juice you’ll have to buy the tape!

[hacker voice]: oh theyre done

[hacker voice]: they just threw the dirty clothes on the floor and went straight to sleep

[hacker voice]: orgasming must be really tiring…

ANN~: @Tapable Leader <3 @-` RYUJI ´- CONGRATS ON THE SECS!! We’re all really happy for you!! You guys deserve each other, really! If anyone says otherwise I’ll punch them!

Makoto: @Tapable Leader <3 @-` RYUJI ´- regardless of how reckless and utterly stupid this whole thing was, I’m genuinely glad you guys worked it out and are finally being honest with each other. It was awfully unhealthy for the team dynamic to watch you two dance around the issue of your attraction so, congratulations!

[hacker voice]: @Tapable Leader <3 @-` RYUJI ´- im not as good with expressing things as the other girls but im also happy I somehow brought you two together. Don’t worry I wont actually sell the sex tapes to anyone btw

[hacker voice]: (or will i)

ANN~: omfg

[hacker voice]: Yusuke’s typing a lot im concerned

Yusuke K.: I did not fully grasp the concept of what was truly going on in this chat tonight but after extensive research and questioning Ann on certain topics I now understand. Futaba’s attempts at prostituting Akira have somehow led into a nuptial encounter between Akira and Ryuji, the kind of which both parties have been secretly interested in for a long time. I also congratulate you both in your achievement for the act of intimacy born from fondness and admiration is one of the truest forms of adoration our kind have come across. I only wish for more of these enjoyable moments and if any of you would be so kind as to model for me the most beautiful sensation of your endless love I would be very thankful.

[hacker voice]: holy shit

[hacker voice]: just looking at this is making my eyes heavy

[hacker voice]: im going to sleep folks

ANN~: same

ANN~: we have to wake up before ryuji and akira to surprise them at leblanc

ANN~: we’ll bring a congrats on the sex cake

[hacker voice]: I’m in

Makoto: guess it won’t hurt to check on them

Yusuke K.: I would love to discuss this over some cake!

ANN~: deal, then! Good night, thieves <3

-` RYUJI ´-: you fuckers are gonna see some dicks

ANN~: that’s the plan dapper dan

ANN~: now go to bed!

thx for your time i hope you enjoyed it ideas that we did in the rp and i couldnt find a way to put here: > futaba leaks the nudes on the phan site > mishima warns akira of the thing and says he has a nice package > akira gets arrested for publicly posting pornography and akechi recognized him by the dick > "whats wrong with a little dick pic" "its not little" > makoto buys a copy of the akira/ryuji sex tape and resells it at school > mishima buys a copy

[credulouscanidae]

i just wanna…complain a bit here but im hesitant to cuz when i talk about my head stuff and wellbeing theres always someone who stumbles into my ask box criticizing me but whatever

just had my first appointment with a psychologist about gender transition and im…..unhappy? i mean if this is the shit you have to go through to transition then bloody hell are the people who got through it are strong

firstly i was talked over and did more listening than explaining. she kept making assumptions and kinda acted like i SHOULD be saying yes to them.

she just….had a lot of generally shitty views. she kept basically saying “pronouns are too confining cuz im just me ^_^” and she even said similar about autism (cuz i had to talk about my family and that came up). shes like “what even is autism anyway ya know? it’s just a collection of traits ppl have. YOU could even be on the spectrum” and basically alluding to that whole “everyone is kinda autistic” BULLSHIT. made me super uncomfortable.

she asked me if i had any support networks and i explained i get a lot of support online. i was going on to say i get lots of rl support but she cuts me off and goes into this ramble about online not being validating enough cuz u NEED rl support. after her rant i kinda defensively said i have a good rl support network. didnt even get to explain WHO cuz she kept fucking interrupting me with her bullshit.

then i had to give a brief timeline of my life and of course that means talking about dad. she asked if i had any suicide attempts which i stupidly said yes. she keeps relating my experiences to “oh yeah lots of trans ppl have had this happen….father issues among transmen is very common” and im like…what are u getting at. ugh. i explained one of my suicide attempts that was inspired by my older brother’s attempt method. she said i was being a bit of a copycat cuz i saw bro do it and she trivialized it to “playing chicken with a train” and “would you even count that as a suicide attempt?”

also she kept going on about how the brain isn’t developed until 22 years old and then kinda used that as an excuse to start talking about how young trans people are …..god idk?? she basically said “in the 70s it was punk….these days it’s gender haha” kinda like a statement?? that pissed me off. got to the point where i felt like i had to add in exaggerated anecdotes about my childhood to even SEEM VALID. all what i said was true, just exaggerated.

i didn’t tell her about my bpd out of fear, but she mentioned bpd at one point basically saying “ppl like that have identity issues so we’re hesitant to let them medically transition”

then it got really fucking awkward when i was talking about my depression and how much better im managing it. i mention i have ambition and hope for the future, which is different to a few years back. she asks what things make me hopeful, i tell her my partner (we talked about him before this but i’ll explain this soon), my friends, the idea of gender transition, making a living, etc. then she’s like “if gender was taken out of that mix, would u still be hopeful?” and im like “uhhhh….i mean…life would be harder for me but i could get by…i just dont see myself in a future without transition…im tired of living like this” and then shes like “thats a bit of a red flag. are you saying you’d kill yourself if you didnt get to transition?” (we had just been talking about suicide) and im like….legit shocked. im like “no??” and then had to spend 5 minutes, nearly on the verge of tears, trying to explain that that’s not what i meant. she said that that’s the WRONG reason to want to transition and puts pressure and manipulation on her to approve it. i said thats not what i meant and that i find the “lemme transition or i kill myself” thing wrong.

so that made me feel extremely fake and manipulative and awful lmao

and earlier before this convo when she asked what my support networks were, i FINALLY got to explain i have a lot of rl friends and roommates and honestly the only prominent online support is from my partner since he’s from the uk. this turns into a running convo that appears throughout the session about internet safety. she questioned “but how is that even a relationships, like what do u do?” and then i shyly say that we talk on skype/video chat almost daily and then she goes on this spiel about “people on the internet can make themselves out to be like anything they want to be to appeal to you” and i got super defensive. i said i trust him and i know what im on about. she asks how long we’ve been dating (there goes my wanting to tell her it’s a qpr) and i exaggerated AGAIN saying weve been friends for 2 years and been together 6 months. lets not forget when i finally tell her about my mum and shes like “did u seek out your relationship with your partner after your mums death? did u get attached bc of that?” and then she said some other shit about autism that i dont even wanna talk about on here.

and oh goddddd what else.

OH YEAH i had to tell her about my abuse history and by extension mums and she basically asked “how do u know youre not being abused by this partner in the uk?” following her logic that im doomed to be abused just because mum was and i have been in the past.

and then as i left she kept stressing that i need to get approval by other doctors saying im emotionally stable and not at risk of suicide bc hormones can fuck u up. and yeah ok fair enough. i tell her im very in touch with my emotions and she says back “well if you’re reading them properly”

who fucking knows anymore.

lady, you’re trans so you know better than anyone else what dysphoria feels like. you talked 80% of the time for an HOUR. you DON’T KNOW who I AM. you do NOT know SHIT about me or my struggles or the fact that ive been ACTIVELY WORKING ON MY MENTAL ILLNESS FOR YEARS. (OH AND ACCORDING TO HER “MENTALLY ILL” IS A PROBLEMATIC TERM CUZ ???? WHY??)

and i cant even use my psychiatrist to write a letter saying im stable and ready for transiton cuz earlier to-fucking-day he told me i should hold off transition until my bpd is under control and that it’s not smart to pursue it. oh and also he put me on medication. :)

yeah uhhhhhhhh…..i think i know myself better better than anyone. im not coming into this expecting transition to be easy. dont even think i was oblivious to how emotional it can be. it’s fucking awful. i know this. ive had literally 3 different doctors tell me “OOOOOO YOURE EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE TRANSITION ISNT A GOOD THING YOU PROBABLY JUST CONFUSED” and im like….yeah…..definitely confused after all these years. definitely. it’s not like i  stayed trans even after all this shit or anything. gender psych wants me to “unwrap” my sexual trauma so she can….idfk….deem me really trans or some shit.

how the fuck do people deal with professionals. ive had small doses of this sorta shit my entire counseled life, always trivializing my symptoms to just being “stressed”. i wasnt believed about my symptoms besides depression+anxiety for YEARS…and now that im finally opening up about my bpd and gender stuff, im getting this intense dose of professional bullcrap and im already sick of it.

gender psych interrupted me and condescended me the entire time. shes so fucking ableist ESPECIALLY towards autistic people (and once again my allistic privilege played a part cuz i can only IMAGINE how differently that appointment wouldve gone) and seems very technophobic, or at least against the way things are these days with LDRs and young trans ppl.

whatever. lets hope next session wont be so fucking messy.

[fictionalrat]

let it happen | chapter two

pairing: klance

sneak a peek:

“Lance, don’t freak out, but…” Keith adjusts his glasses, “I might have an idea.”

Lance huffs, “Don’t strain yourself.”

Keith scowls, “Shut up and hear me out, asshole.”

“Okay,” Lance leans back on his chair and crosses his arms, “I’ll bite.”

“I think we should…” Keith snaps the rubber band on his wrist, “Uhm, fuck?”

read on ao3

“Lance?” He hears when he clicks the door shut with his foot. He whips his head around to find Keith at the dinner table hugging his right leg to his chest, foot on the chair and knee tucked under his chin. He’s frowning deeply at his laptop screen like it’s offending him in some way, his glasses perched on the edge of his nose. Keith looks so damn adorable Lance’s heart almost leaps out of his chest. Fucked, Lance’s fucked.

“Yep, that’s me,” Lance responds, throwing his keys on the kitchen island and kicking off his shoes.

Keith peers up at him over the rim of his glasses. “Come here for a sec,” he nudges the chair next to him with his bare foot. Lance stares at Keith. Hm, weird. Keith narrows his eyes when he doesn’t move. Oh. Right, moving. Yep, on it. He pads towards his friend.

Lance smiles at Keith, hip-checking the table and reaching his arm forward to adjust the shorter man’s glasses with his knuckles gently, “You need to get these fixed, shorty.”

Keith bats his hand away and scowls, “Sit.”

Lance chuckles but acquiesces, “Seriously, it’s too loose.” As if on cue, Keith’s glasses slide down his nose again. Lance snorts, “Told you.”

Keith socks him on the arm, hard, “Shut up.”

“Ow, so mean!” Lance pouts as he rubs his arm, “What do you want from me, anyway?”

Keith adjusts himself on the chair, tucking his left foot under his right thigh, and turns his laptop towards Lance so he can see his own words staring back at him. “This won’t do,” Keith says seriously as he pushes his glasses back with his middle finger.

Lance drums his fingers on the table. “What?”

“Lance, this isn’t working.”

Lance’s fingers freeze, his brows rising, “What do you mean this isn’t working??”

“I mean…” he deadpans, “I can’t edit this, it’s total bullshit. There’s no hope.”

Lance bristles, “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, KEITH????”

Keith snickers, “Maybe a little?”

Lance throws his head back and glares in exasperation at the ceiling, bringing his hands up to cover his face and groaning, “God, please, take me now.” After a moment, he lets his hands fall back on the table. “You know,” he starts, turning his head back so he can glower at Keith properly, “If you weren’t so good at editing and I wasn’t so desperate, I wouldn’t even think of asking you to do this for me, ‘cause you’re a serious fucking prickly pain in my fucking miserable ass.”

Keith smirks and shrugs, “Thanks.”

Lance splutters, “THAT WASN’T A COMPLIMENT.”

Keith doesn’t respond, though, he just stares at Lance in a weird way. A very, very weird way.

Lance touches his face, self-conscious, “Is there something on my-”

“Huh,” Keith blurts out, interrupting Lance.

“Keith?” Lance questions with a frown, worrying for his friend’s sanity.

“Sorry,” Keith blinks at him and blushes.

Lance squints, “Dude, what the fuck.”

“Lance, don’t freak out, but…” Keith adjusts his glasses, “I might have an idea.”

Lance huffs, “Don’t strain yourself.”

Keith scowls, “Shut up and hear me out, asshole.”

“Okay,” Lance leans back on his chair and crosses his arms, “I’ll bite.”

“I think we should…” Keith snaps the rubber band on his wrist, “Uhm, fuck?”

Lance chokes on his own spit and coughs so hard his chair almost topples over.

“Are you okay, Lance?” Keith asks, his voice concerned but amused.

“Fuck?” Lance croaks after some time, slapping his chest and blinking away tears.

“Yeah,” Keith’s mouth twitches. “For research, obviously.”

Lance can only gape at Keith, his chest heaving. Lance’s lungs are burning so, so bad.

“Look, I’ll be straight with you,“ Keith runs his fingers through his FUGLY mullet, “your writing style’s actually pretty decent. You’re eloquent, I’ll give you that. But you suck at writing sex scenes… maybe from lack of experience?” Keith teases, then winces when Lance kicks his shin under the table.

Is this guy for fucking serious? They should fuck? What kind of joke is this?

“No, but seriously.” Keith insists, “Even though the sex scenes are well-written, they lack passion, which is kind of a surprise coming from you. You clearly need some inspiration and I think being actually in character might really help, is all.”

“AND BY THAT YOU MEAN THE TWO OF US FUCKING???”

Keith bites his bottom lip in amusement and nods. He doesn’t tease, which is a first. Lance is thankful but still.

“OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Lance yells in disbelief, then takes a deep, recomposing breath. “Okay. So uh, let me get this straight… you think we should fuck this one out?”

Keith shrugs again, “I mean, if you want to.”

“Huh.” Lance’s mouth twitches, “That’s crazy but okay.”

“What?”

Lance rolls his eyes and waves him off, “I said fine, Keith. Let’s do this.”

Keith smirks, turning his attention back to his laptop. Lance stares at the side of his face then chuckles. “Gotta say, though,” Lance leers, “I didn’t know you wanted to fuck me this bad, mullet head.”

“SHUT UP!” Keith pushes Lance off his chair.

Lance can’t fucking sleep.

He tries playing dead for a while and when that doesn’t work, he settles upon changing positions back and forth.

He kicks off the sheets in frustration, takes his shirt off, turns to his side, rolls on his stomach, burrows his face into his pillow. Props himself up on his elbows and huffs, lies back down. Flips his pillow over and presses his face to the cool fabric.

It doesn’t work.

He rolls on his back and lets his eyes dart around the room as he taps his chest with his thumbs, chewing on his bottom lip.

Nothing fucking works.

He blinks up at the ceiling and blows a raspberry.

“i think we should… uhm, fuck?” he mimics under his breath.

Fucking Keith.

God, he can’t do this.

He reaches for his phone on his nightstand and brings the device closer to his face, adjusting himself on the bed. He unlocks the phone and almost drops it right on his face in agony because, wow, such brightness. He turns down the brightness on his screen and blinks several times before tapping open his messages with Hunk.

He starts typing furiously.

Lance (2:06 a.m.)

HUNK U UP

HUNK HUNK

HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNKKKK

HELP

Hunk (2:08 a.m.)

why hello lance my good buddy how are you?

i’m fine thanks for asking ure so kind

what can i do for you this alarmingly late???

Lance (2:10 a.m.)

I CANR SLEEP HUNK HELP

HEPL ME

IM GONNA DIE

KEITHS A SERIAL KILLER AND HES COMING AFTER ME WITH HIS DICK

KEITHS GONNA KILL ME WITH HIS DICKKKKKKKKK

Hunk (2:13 a.m.)

i think ure overreacting a bit lance

calm down and explain this to me like a normal human being

breathe in

breathe out

Lance (2:14 a.m.)

ICANT HUNK H

U

N

K

WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFEEEEEEEEEEEE

Hunk (2:17 a.m.)

i still need an explanation

please cUT THE DRAMATICS

IM GETTING REAL WORRIED HERE AND YOU KNOW WHAT WORRYING DOES TO MY STOMACH!!!!!!!

ITS NOT PRETTY LANCE SO SPILL

Lance (2:18 a.m.)

EW GROSS

but okay

so

fucking keith came up with this fucking INSANE idea that we should FUCK

HE SAID WE SHOULD FUCK HUNK cuz my sex scenes were like AWFUL and he thought that was a brilliant idea HE SAID I LACK EXPERIENCE THE ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CAN U BELIEVE THE NERVE????? and i went with it cuz i HAVE THE MORAL DUTY to prove him wrong and now im gonna die

okay get this

this is the weirdest part

its not only cuz i gotta prove him wrong but cuz i kinda wanna fuck the bastard for my own self-indulging and impure reasons

Hunk (2:23 a.m.)

lance not even rover thinks thats weird and hes a DOG

Lance (2:24 a.m.)

IMHYPERVENTILATING HERE AND URE MAKING FUN OF ME

URE A TERRIBLE BEST FRIEND

TERRIBLE I TELL U

IM HAVING A CRISIS HERE HUNK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD

HES SO HOT HUNK HELP ME I CANT DO THIS

IM GONNA DIE

RIP LANCE

Hunk (2:26 a.m.)

lance youre not gonna die

jesus

i thought this was serious

Lance (2:27 a.m.)

GASP

it IS SERIOUS HUNK CANT U SEE IM A DEAD MAN WALKING?????? THIS IS PRETTYFUCKIGN SERIOUs HUNK

at first i thought i could do it but then i started thinking about it and now IM FREAKING THE FUCK OUT HELP HUNK AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Hunk (2:29 a.m.)

calm down lance its just keith

its not like he’s gonna make fun of you or anything

Lance (2:30 a.m.)

HUNK???????? DID U HIT UR HEAD OR SOMETHING???? SHOULD I BE WORRIED????? CALL AN AMBULANCE??????? ITS FUCKING KEITH WERE TALKING ABOUT DUDE!!!! MISTER MCMULLET CAPTAIN GRUMPY PANTS!!!!!!!

Hunk (2:33 a.m.)

well i mean not too much???

Lance (2:33 a.m.)

hUNK!!!!!!!

Hunk (2:34 a.m.)

okay you got me

youre never gonna live this down good luck man

it was nice knowing you

Lance (2:35 a.m.)

well thanks

for ABSOLUTELY NOTHING

Hunk (2:35 a.m.)

you know i love you bro

seriously tho

you dont have to worry about this too much

keiths your friend after all isnt he

not to mention hes a cool bean, a real gem

do you trust him?

Lance (2:36 a.m.)

well duh i wouldnt be living with the guy if i didnt

Hunk (2:39 a.m.)

there it is

he knows all about your weird fixations and habits and is still there

thats gotta count for something right???

its not like hes gonna judge for real

hes just gonna tease the hell outta you which is normal behavior for him

and youll tease him right back

so DONT WORRY LANCE GO

BE BRAVE MY CHILD

CONQUER THAT BOOTY!!!!!!!

COMPLETE YOUR QUEST!!!!!!!!!

Lance (2:42 a.m.)

ohmy GOD hunk ure so embarrassing

thanks tho

for real

Hunk (2:42 a.m.)

anytime ;)

Lance (2:43 a.m.)

Lance sighs, turns on his side only to place his phone back on his nightstand, then rolls on his stomach, burying his face deep in his pillow. He closes his eyes and wills himself to fucking sleep.

About thirty minutes later, he’s out.

[meetmeatmidnightsblog]

Chapter 1 Disclaimer I don't own any of the characters and or content that is going to be used in this story and all right belong to the writers and creators of creators of once upon a time. Regina showed the other Robin around while her main Robin was spending some time with his daughter Robyn. She show this version of him, the rest of storybrooke, the town hall, the library and the clock tower. His twin brother slid his hand into his baby brother girl fingers, she pulled away from him, explained “ I know we had a fling between us. But that was only because my Robin failed to mention the fact that he had a brother.” His older twin brings up to her “we were close once,but our parents divorce put a nasty ocean between us.” she tells him”as you know, my relationship with Zelena is quite complicated. I have been trying very hard to mend it.” The older twin nodded his head, asked “Zelena the one with the infant baby?. How did all of this spiral out of control?. “ She clenched her fists into the jacket pockets, took a deep breath and told him “my mother had my sister first, but she gave her up and kept me instead.” he replied “favorites over family, I suppose your mother wanted something else in life that changed her values and perspectives, love to make this irrational decision.” “our mother was complicated and cruel, but I loved her despite all of that. Hoped that she could give up the need for power and vengeance but it wasn't enough.” “my brother Robin Hood also told me that Cora ripped a stable boys heart out all because his heart fell in love with a woman that was way out of his league.” Regina grit her jaw, tightened her lips and choked down the river of tears, put up the walls around old wounds. She opened her mouth up, but nothing came out. Robin of Locksley did his best to comfort her before she bursts, or disappears into a purple cloud of smoke. “I didn't mean to upset you madame mayor.” She regained her composer, says to Robin of Locksley “ I..just needed a minute, no you didn't upset me.” he arched his neck up, tilted his head slightly to the left. He huffed “yes I have. So don't lie. Unlike my brother I can see past the mask you wear.” She rolled her eyes at Robin of Locksley, scoffed “you think you have me figured out just because you share the exact same face as Robin.” Robin of Locksley was unaware of her short temper, he prepared his bow in front of him, aimed it towards the evil queen. Robin Hood was on his way to meet up with Regina, he saw his brother point his arrow locked and loaded. He ran in front of him, shoved his twin on the pavement and sucker punched him in the face, snarled “so help me god if you leave one mark on her, I will kill you myself.” Regina ran into the chaos, grabbed Robin hoods collar, growled “ kill him, you will regret it forever trust me I know better than anyone. This isn't like you, so take it down a notch and go for a walk then when you've calmed down, we can talk.” Robin Hood growled at Regina “ my brother tried to kill you, you're still going to defend his ass.” she snapped “yes, now go before the evil queen comes out. I'm pretty sure that you'd rather deal with me than her. She never liked thieves, even on a good day.” Robin Hood barked “don't drag the Queen into this. It's not necessary, I just don't understand why you choose to defend my brother.” Regina recalled “ when we first met you nearly took off my head with your arrow, luckily I had impressively quick reflexes before it could do any damage.” Robin of Locksley chuckled lightly, mumbled “oh brother, what have you gotten into.” Robin Hood hated bickering with Regina, since he never wins nor does it accomplish anything. He rolled his shoulders back, looked into those adorable puppy dog eyes of hers, gave in “I'm sorry for the way I acted, can you forgive me?.” she points to his brother, mentions “yes, but the real person you should be apologize to is your brother, that's what heroes do.” Robin Hood huffed “ I'm..sorry I snapped at you.” Robin of locksley replied “I accept you're overly appeasing apology.” Regina let out a sigh of relief, looks at the two spitting images of Robin hood staring back at her. She cleared her throat, tells them “ how about we go back to my house, have some leftover lasagna hotdish for dinner tonight.” They groaned “cant you heat something else up. Neither one of us can take anymore of that hotdish.” She raised her hand up in protest, chimes in “how about some leftover grilled cheese sandwiches, tomato soup.” They both glanced at each other, trying to pick the lesser of two evils. Robin Hood added “what if I cooked instead.” She folded her arms over her chest, mumbled “that's not an option.” he leaned closer to Regina, uttered “ i'm standing right here.” She huffed “eavesdropper.” He chuckled “sweetie,you might want to work on lowering your voice if you don't want anyone to hear your conversation.” Robin of Locksley bit his lip to hold back his laughter, he watches his little bro bicker with his girlfriend. There pitiful disagreements make them act more like two year olds than adults. He finds it sicking and enduring all at the same time. He wonders how those two managed to fall in love so easily. Separately there complete opposites, together they balance each other and have way more in common then you realized. Robin of Locksley interrupted the bickering idiots, tells them “ can we continue this later, my stomach is growling louder than lighting. I would love to have my last meal before I die so can we get this show on the road.” Robin blushed bright red as he looked back at Regina, explains to her “ sorry my brother tends to get a bit fussy when hes overly hungry.” She snickers “ Hes just as bad as my son.” Robin Hood was very tempted to ruin Regina thunder, by mentioning his daughter but he also knows that would only make things worse. Since he is well informed on the fact that she will never be able to bare have children of her own. The bond that Zelena forced, will forever have a sore spot on her heart, his. That a part of himself wishes that he could take this all back, share it all with the woman he truly loves. Regina looks to Robin Hood, sees the sorrow in his olive-green eyes, she tilts her head and tries not to choke up in tears. She hates everything her sister has done to him, David and Margaret, Henry and even hook. Yet she's still around because of the child, hopes that maybe just maybe it will provide Zelena with a second chance, just like Henry did for her. She walked over to Robin, leans her head against his shoulder, whispers softly” I forgive you. So stop blaming yourself for this.” he kissed her softly on the cheek, uttered “I love you so much.” her eyes twinkled as she absorbed those three words that she's been waiting to hear. “I love you always.” She uttered back to Robin. He wrapped his fingers into the palm of her hand. He soaked up this precious moment as long as he could. In this town, you never got much time for the milestone markers in relationships. This was one that he wanted to cling onto, those words you say to the one you love should not be taken lightly. They should be spared. Robin of locksley tapped his foot impatiently on the sidewalk, interrupts them by saying “can we have some food, i'm dying over here.” Regina burst out with uncontrollable laughter as Robin tells his brother “alright man, let's get some grub before my girlfriend loses a lung.”

[i-amusemyself]

Every and all countries.

HEY ITS MY FAVE ANON!!!! 😄😄😄💕 Thankies!!!! (Sorry for the delay, ive barely had internet)

America: What is your favourite place to eat?I’m not really sure 😂 I dont ever really go out to eat and if I do I just end up going to McDonalds or Nandos tbh

Australia: Do you have any quirks when speaking? ….I don’t know, I don’t pay much attention! I know if my head is somewhere else I’m terrible at keeping eye contact. Besides that I basically just laugh for one reason or another and say sorry 24/7.

Austria: already answered

Belarus: Is there anyone that you love? Family/friends/romantic interest etc.Oh hell yeah definitely!! I love my family one way or another ig. My friends, even the ones I don’t see often, I absolutely adore! I have like 5 people I would legit die for 😂

Belgium: What do you think of your siblings?I dont have any. I wish I did tho.

Botswana: Do you like to sing? Why?Yeah, I like singing since it sometimes helps when my mood gets down. I only really do it when I’m alone tho bc im shy

Bulgaria: Who do you consider close to you?I have 3 close friends tbh and id trust them with just about anything

Cameroon: Describe your culture.Lmaoooo what culture? 😂 I’m basically english and i dont even know if the things associated with that would be considered cultural? Idk we just drink tea, say sorry and are supposed to have a stiff upper lip at all times

Canada: Favourite wintertime activity?Not having to go to school 😂 idk tbh, sledging is kinda fun from what i remember?

China: already answered

Cuba: What sort of grudges do you hold if any?I very rarely hold grudges tbh, I let 99% of things go even if people don’t apologise. It’s hard to say where the line is without sounding overdramatic. I guess if they made my life so bad I considered ending it I wouldnt like someone too much (or if others saw that and continued to stay friends with them).

Cyprus: already answered

Denmark: Do you wish for something of your past?Nah, not really. I try my best to look forward, not back.

Egypt: Do you stand up for what you believe in? How?Ummmm, I’m not sure I could say I’m that active in it. I once wrote a long, anonymous letter to the headteacher or my school wrt the treatment and education of lgbt people. Besides that? I havent dont much. I’d go to a protest if there was one nearby that I supported.

England: Are you controlling?That’s hard to answer? Because when things happen my initial instinct is to control them. But I’m a lot more chilled out than I used to be, and continuing to try to improve on it. So the amount of things I actively try to control are very slim. The issues lies more with my hatred of vague plans tbh 😂

Estonia: Do you think people often misunderstand you?I don’t open up to that many people, not really. Most the therapists I’ve seen have never got me at all. In terms of friends, some do get it, though it depends upon what specifically I’m trying to explain/show etc.

Finland: What do you prefer; kindness, sternness or apathy?Kindness, for sure. It’s nice to know other people might look out for you when you’re not necesarily in a place to look out for yourself. Sternness is just,, hard to communicate with and apathy can put me on edge.

France: How do you share love for those you care for?Most the time I just send them memes 😂 I try to make sure I’m honest and I don’t hold back with compliments. I also try to show then that I really am interested in them/their life, tho sometimes I worry I’m annoying them.

What is the hardest thing you have ever had to do?4 A levels whilst also juggling 3 jobs at one point.

Germany: Do you have a hard time forgiving yourself?I rarely forgive myself for something without outside help, and even then it isnt guaranteed

Ghana: What is your favourite sport?Basketball, its the only one I understand 😂

Greece: Do you let others help you when in need?I do sometimes tell my closest friends if I’m in a really bad patch and out of options. Although, I become more focused on making them feel helpful than actually being honest when I can’t believe them etc.

Hungary: Who is the person you trust the most?My closest friends probably. Although there are different kinds of trust, so it varies with what I’m trusting and who I go to etc.

Hutt River: What is the most memorable dream or nightmare you’ve had?I remember most of my dreams tbh, and for months too. Nightmares especially, but i wont share those bc theyre really horrific tbh. I had a dream a few months back that I died and went to heaven, that was nice. Like, it just felt so calm, I didnt want to wake up.

Hong Kong: Do you fear death?I dont so much fear death as fear excessive pain and suffering tbh. I’m okay with not knowing what, if anything, happens after we die.

Iceland: Do you hide your real personality? Why?Not reaaally 😂 when I’m with people I know and trust I can pretty much be myself. But different people bring out different parts of me.There is a small part I crush right down bc I hate it, but it might slowly be fading.

India: How important is family to you?Idk, I’ve never felt super close to a lot of my family. I just sort of seem to find my own family, and theyre hella important to me.

Japan: Tell us a secret about yourself.I dont have that many secrets????? At all??? And the ones I do have I don’t tell for a reason 😂 lets go with: i have 2 moles and a shoulder dimple that look like a blob fish.

Kenya: What is your favourite wild animal?I love so many of them?!?!?!?! I love capybaras but also elephants and also gorillas???

Korea: What is one thing you accomplished by yourself?Ah, I never do anything completely by myself 😂 Idk, managing to get to america on my own was pretty scary, but I did it.

Kugelmugel: Is there anyone you have a love hate relationship with?I mean according to my anxiety, everyone I love hates me 😂But erm, the only person who I can really think of is my old geography teacher. He was a legend and I loved him, but for sure he hated me.

Latvia: Do you believe you are brave?Eh, idk. I don’t think I’m a coward, but it would depend on the situation.

Ladonia: What is the internet site you visit most often?Tumblr. I cant deny it.

Liechtenstein: How do people underestimate you most often?I have no idea, they usually overestimate me, though I don’t pay much attention to peoples expectations 😂 I genuinly have no idea, maybe I should ask my friends or something

Lithuania: Do you desire power?My initial answer is no, I’m not that interested in being powerful on a large scale. But I guess there are different kinds of power? Like, it would be nice to have the power to change other peoples lives for the better. Or the power that comes with being in government, which has always been something I’ve been interested in.

Macau: What is your favourite festival or celebration?Halloween. Without a doubt.

Molossia: Do you consider yourself strong?I used to think I was strong, given some of the things I’ve been through. Now though I realise I just supressed all the emotions that came with them, which are all coming back, and honestly I’m a weak mess.

Monaco: Do you think you are a lucky person?No, not really. 😂 I mean, there might have been 100 times ive narrowly escaped death, but I wouldnt know it.

New Zealand: Would you rather be an elf, dwarf, hobbit or wizard?I’ve never seen lotr/the hobbit ngl so just based on what I know I’ll say wizard bc magic

North Italy: What is your least favourite part of your personality?All of it. Idk, jealousy. Awkwardness. Inability to make conversation. Just who I am as a person.

Norway: What was the most disappointing time in your life?Idk, Ive been disappointed a lot 😂 my dad let me down p bad once, though i dont really wanna share the deets

Netherlands: Most generous thing someone has ever done for you?My best friend bought me a necklace with “you are the light of my life” on it and I still can’t get over how cute that is 😄

Poland: Hardest thing you’ve been through?The thing that comes to mind was the longest and most stressful night of my life. I’d just broken up from school for summer that day and we had an estate agent coming to value the house the next day so we could move out of the Flood Zone. That evening it rained and rained and I ran around the village asking council people to help us but no one came so we stayed up till 2am pouring water from around the house into wheelie bins to try and stop it coming in. Then I had a breakdown in the bath and just remember feeling so trapped. I never want to go through that again.

Prussia: Would you prefer to live forever or die alone?Oooooh thats a tough one! Bc living forever would surely involve a lot of time alone. I think I’d hate it tbh, 80 years is enough for me 😂 but dying alone is like, my greatest fear tbh. So I’ll say live forever.

Roman Empire: How would you like to be remembered?Idk, just as a good person that maybe helped a few people out, I suppose. I mean, sure I’d love to find a cure for cancer and change the world etc but gotta be realistic

Romania: What is something you are very ashamed of?There are parts of my body I hate so much I’ve genuinly considered taking a knife to them myself. I also struggle to deal with the whole gender/sexuality thing, no matter how much people tell me its okay.

Russia: Have you ever suffered from low self esteem? Do you still?For sure, yeah. I really struggle to love myself in any way, it’s an alien concept to me and I’ve always been taught to keep my mouth shut about anything I actually do like.

Sealand: Who is your best friend?My bro @only-slightly-dangerous lmao

Seborga: What is your favourite beverage?I absolutely looove milkshakes (despite being lactose intollerant 🙄), especially oreo ones

Seychelles: How do you handle people being rude to you?Lmaooo I don’t 😂 if they say anything personal, I take it to heart. I might try to talk back but I’d just screw it up.

South Italy: What is your favourite part of your personality?Ummm, idk, I don’t really think about the words I could use to describe my personality? I guess I quite like my sense of humor. Idk.

Spain: What would you tell to the person or people you hurt most if you had a second chance?I don’t want to sound like,,, a twat,,, but I don’t really think I’ve ever really badly hurt someone (not knowingly or intentionally anyway). The only person I can think of is someone I cut off for being a bad friend… so I don’t really feel too bad about that.

Sweden: Are you a leader, follower or independent?Lmao all of the above, depending on the circumstances 😂 I don’t mind leading things and taking charge, Im quite good at being organised. But equally I don’t mind following other people if I agree with their plans. I also love being independent and doing things alone, bc it feels free and you don’t have to worry about anyone else.

Switzerland: Would you consider yourself evil, good or neutral?Good, I think. I try to be a good person. Sometimes my initial reaction or thoughts might not be good, but I always want to do the right thing.

Thailand: How good is your poker face?If I’m just pissing about, not great. I just laugh. But if I’m serious it’s pretty good, if I can say that 😂 I’m good at acting when I want to be.

Tibet: What do you value most?What?? As in a quality? Or objects?? Idk. People with good intentions, I’ll say that.

Taiwan: What do you think of the people or person who raised you?I have a lot of feelings towards them, not all of them good. I’d rather not talk/think about it rn though.

Turkey: Would you ever want children?Without a doubt, yeah. I’m not sure if I’d have my own or adopt, maybe both. I’m not that naturally maternal; I love kids but knowing how to talk/react to them doesnt come naturally. Im probs more of a dad 😂

Uganda: How would you like others to see you?I dont know???? Just as a kind and trustworthy person that genuinly cares and will always try my best to help when I can.

Ukraine: What is one thing that has made you stronger in life?I have no idea. I don’t feel like a very strong person at all. My life just feels like a long string of events I’ve had to cope with.

Vietnam: What is something you are proud of about yourself?I don’t really,,, feel pride 😂😂😂 like I honestly can’t think of a time I’ve felt like that. I guess I’m pleased I did well in my A levels? But even then I wouldnt say I’m proud.

Yemen: What kind of art do you like?Its hard to describe? I know it when I see it 😂 I’m not too bothered about portraits and paintings of dull landscapes, but equally some modern art is barely Art. I quite like paintings that are bright, or tell a story. I also like sculptures if theyre based on cool stuff like, the human body ooor dragons idk. Mosaics are p nice too

Zimbabwe: Who is your favourite character from any folklaw?I’m not sure I know many folklaws 😂 The person that comes to mind is rumplestiltskin, but I think thats only bc I love his chacter in Once Upon a Time