#just need some time to settle down
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#I’m taking a break from this app for a little bit#just need some time to settle down#see you guys later#text post#heartscone
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the next thing they'll be involved with, Logan will be drinking and gets told by a non-Wade "I'm here to save you from Deadpool" or some funny shit like that. Toss in a mention about incursions or Wade's 'higher purpose' having no place for Logan. Watch Logan laugh.
#becoming ever so fond of the idea#of Logan The Worst Wolverine being so valuable to any universe that he just can't be left in domestic peace#He could be great. he's BEEN great#an incredible man who only wants to stay at home#that's protagonist behavior#Logan would have been so settled and at peace w himself by this point#he'll negotiate first. He'll try to boil things down harmlessly#any hostiity to him can get to his and Wade's family after all#no the mother bear instinct. claws and all. they come out when Logan is forcibly taken from that universe.#idk i get giddy imagining it#deadpool and wolverine#deadpool#wolverine#logan howlett#deadpool 3#wade wilson#poolverine#deadclaws#deadpool 2024#logan would be drinking just for the sake of drinking btw#no particular tragedy except for maybe relapsing into depression and needing to self-regulate#but he's good#“his 'higher purpose' is protecting his friends. when he finds you sneaking around in his universe he'll tell you the same thing. trust me.#cut to “my higher purpose is being held lovingly by Thor. and protecting my friends. why are you here?”#give Logan some line like “the saving goes both ways. we're done with all that shit. walk away now”#lmao it might probably be wade who's guns first talk later then#the only time his mouth will run quicker than he can draw his weapons is if he can find opportunities to annoy somebody
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I don't know what's been going on with me recently but like...there's this tiny shred of guilt that I'm not doing anything really engaging on here anymore? Like, my creative block is fading out (finally), but I haven't drawn or written anything substantial recently and I feel really weird about that. Not just for you all looking at my blog, but also just in a creative bust kind of way.
There are ideas and themes and such that I would love to play with or dabble in, but I keep stopping them because they're either too self indulgent or there's no visual work to go with it. I don't really know how to describe it? Like I feel like I've been lazy creatively speaking recently when I COULD be getting more ideas out, but it's about the same ship all the time and idk, I also feel like I've gotten to the point where I'm talking too much again? Not that anyone here has made me feel like that and I have asks that I need to answer so I KNOW I'm not talking too much but I'm!!!! Being splashed with the self conscious and self critical and imposter syndrome buckets and I need them to stop!!!!
#toast talks#Not necessarily meant to be a vent so I'm not putting it in my vent tag but!#The save to draft button has become my best friend LOL#Idk it's just that weird feeling that settles in whenever I realize that I haven't actually finished anything and then whenever#I'm asked about eclairette specifically I always have the hardest time answering some questions!#And it's like...I know their story? But I also don't? Because it's just in fragments all over my brain that change sometimes?#And then I get sucked into aus because I love the ideas of aus and seeing characters in different situations#but then I worry that maybe I'm not presenting the characters well enough? Or maybe I'm getting too self indulgent in everything I do?#WHICH ISN'T BAD AT ALL I JUST. My brain. It does things and makes me overthink the most basic enjoyments I have.#And part of me feels like this would be solved if I had more ships but like...idk. I do/did have other ships but eclairette just.#They feel right to me. They're like...a comfort ship now? Idk. Their story is fun and enjoyable to me and even their noncanon lore is#fun for me to run through my head on end.#Hmmm. I think my brain has just been in a weird spot recently and it's because creative juices are pumping but I have not done a creative#in...three months?#Good lird I need to at least doodle them again -#btw still not a vent! Just sorting my brain out and trying to see what it's got going on and what it wants cause??? Get it together girl#We've got lore to make. Canon and otherwise.#If you got this far I love you. If you didn't get this far I love you. I need those blue bitches to do SOMETHING soon.#''they should do each other'' true and correct. But that will have to wait. We gotta get lore written down first!
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hello honeybuns & happy sept! ⁽⁽ଘ( ˙꒳˙ )ଓ⁾⁾ i hope this new month & the coming ones are nice & calm <33 & filled w nothing but tenderness & love (* ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)” mwah!
#ᕱ⑅ᕱ.* journals!#hi hi!! phew things have been a WHRILWIND in my neck of the city ໒꒰ྀི𖦹﹏𖦹꒱ྀི১ there were lots of ups & recently a lot of downs#i moved into my new place w boyfie!! wahoo!! that is smth im super happy & excited ab! ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و✧*｡#& we’re p much all settled in! we just need some cool furtinure & stuff to put on the walls :3#OH & IM AR 29 IN GENSHIN & I GOT MY FIRST FIRVE STAR!!! IT WAS DILLUUUCCCC (੭ु ›ω‹ )੭ु⁾⁾♡ I SCREAMED!!!!#& i was pulling on yelans banned so i was a lil bummed i lost my 50/50 but EEEEP!! DILUC!!!! <333#but my bf’s gma hasn’t been doin too well & thats caused this part of my extended absence (꒪̥̥﹏꒪̥̥ )#so im def feelin lots of emotions & changes & stuff but i wanted to keep you all posed a lil bit until i can hopefully come back full time#ilyasm & i appreciate you all MORE than you’ll ever know ᜊ꒰ ᜊ ´ ˘꒱ ੭♡ mwah mwah MWAH!!
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Okay but the life of the legendary Shovana Narayan altered my brain chemistry, a superb academic record hold, a maestro in kathak and then also a civil services officer with a long distance marriage and motherhood
If she could do this in the 50s and 60s, wtf is stopping me from doing so, when I have never wanted just one thing to define me
#samridhi speaks#also to my ex who told me things likw your relationship will never work out with him because of different life goals#lol this woman married a diplomat and they managed a long distance marriage too#her husband paved doors foe collabs with the West with Indian dance back then#this is the kind of love I want sure physical intimacy is needed and what not but God I am never giving up all of this to marry#and I still remember him saying you give those soft mothet vibes who is a part time mother and dancer#bye I will girlboss all my life and be all right in front of guys like some of my cousins who think we girls his sisters will just marry#and settle down amd to my ex too for thinking I will be easy and live out a simplw life#fuck everything the only understanding men in my life have been my father brother and my boyfriend at this point#weird that he never grew up around sisters but still is so aware and understanding of women and our desire for dreams#lol I am ranting but yes I have an exam in 6 hours my sleep got over by 2.30#and then I was googling gpat niper prep#yeah it's first sem but I keep wanting to updatw on the info#and God knows what struck me to google dancers randomly who were into civil service academia and still being legends in the arts#then shovana narayan came up
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four to doomsday is a funny serial because it’s objectively kinda dull but it’s so SO good at showing us what makes fivey and his friends tick
#doctor who#especially because 5 is out of comission for a lot of Castrovalva#or at least he hasn’t quite settled into his rhythm yet#and 4todoom is an excellent example of how a ‘second ep’ is a vital part of a new doctors initiation#just plonk the doctor and Co down somewhere and see how they react!#we see his designated driver ‘oh shit where’s heathrow’ role#but also his energy and even a bit of mischief#making faces at the security bots and that little smile when he blocks the camera with his hat#and his tetchiness too - ‘ah! you’re spoiling my concentration >:(#I also love that scene where they’re watching the dancing and Tegan is like ‘what are we doing the vibes are off’#but five explains that he needs time to think so just look like you’re enjoying yourself#before cheerfully waving at their hosts#it’s a nice microcosm of how his outward ‘politeness’ is very much a facade#also we get some good scenes to show how team 5 works#nyssa and adric being impressed with the logic vs the doctor and Tegan’s knowledge of earth (and dry humour)#‘how’s your ancient history Tegan?’ ‘like I feel - awful -_-‘ ‘not to worry mines pretty good!’#iTS SO GOOD#I will defend this serial I have so many thoughts#fifth doctor#5th doctor#season 19#Tegan#adric#nyssa#classic who
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sorry for only saying this type of shit lately but i kinda wanna drive a car straight into a brick wall at the highest speed possible
#trying to keep it together so bad because i already know the problems and solutions and whatnot but i cannot do anything#i desperately just need to do something. accomplish any task. actually several would be nice. but i cannot stand just letting life go by#while i watch other people have the things i want. or even metaphorically living my dream like. that should be me why am i settling for thi#i hate even talking about this because i feel so stupid when i know it's not even a real tangible problem and that i actually DO have real#problems to tackle and the ability to do so but i'm choosing to be upset over the stupidest things i could possibly be sad about#and i can't even be sad about it in a normal way i'm cycling through like several different reactions to smth that isn't even real#or if it is real i literally do not have tanglible evidence for it one way or another like i'm driving myself insane for no reason#i can't even get catharsis because all i'm doing is digging a deeper hole for something i never should've gone back into in the first place#because i KNOW how i am i KNOW how i react to things and i still chose to do it lmao.#and i continue to choose to go through this shit instead of actively trying to change my life because... i'm lazy? and stupid? idk#negative self-talk isn't gonna get me to do anything either so let's just say i'm feeling particularly unmotivated like usual#i hated being a teenager but i really do miss when all my problems just amounted to 'someone was mean to me on tumblr today :(' or i failed#a test in chemistry or something. like i yearn for that simplicity becasue at this point all i'm doing is ruining my own life LMAO#i'm too scared to live i'm too scared to die so i just sit here and fantasize that life could be amazing if i wait#and i'll magically get everything i've ever wanted if i just wait long enough. and i know it isn't true and i still wait for it to happen.#because honestly like. i think deep down i am just convinced i will fail at anything i do when that shouldn't be what scares me.#what scares me should be never even allowing myself to fail because i never tried to do anything at all with myself or my life#like. wake the fuck up. get off your ass and put in the effort. learn some skills. gain independence and stability and discipline and do it#just live please i'm begging you just live so i can be happy don't i deserve to be happy... why am i not letting myself be happy#i'm literally keeping myself trapped in this negative feedback loop ON PURPOSE because teehee shiny toy#and it doesn't matter if the love is real it doesn't matter how i feel like i'm just using it as a distraction i can't say it's motivation#because it's barely motivated me at all. i have to start being realistic. 25 & just realizing you actually have to participate in your life#anyways. i've cried i've agonized i've pictured killing myself in 30 different ways. i think the only way i'm gonna feel better is#to just actually try this time without giving up. wish me luck
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"Welcome home, Aoyama-kun!"
Aka Masaya surprises Ichigo by completing his abroad program and coming home early.
#tokyo mew mew#ichisaya#ichigo momomiya#masaya aoyama#yes I’m still here#got some ideas still coming down the pipeline#just been really busy and stressed lately#but yeah I wish we could get a canon reunion like this#Masaya would probably still need to travel a lot for his work but I think it’d be shorter stretches of time than the abroad program#and especially while he’s so young he’d probably do more of them and ichigo would even come along for a few#and when he’s ready to settle down and have a family he’d do more domestic research and work#I could even see him being a professor at some point#I think these two do a lot of shuffling with their careers but they always make it work in the end depending on what their needs are#my dumb art#Oh also for that second page if anyone is wondering why she’s on top of him#that’s cause I headcanon she likes to lie on top of him in her sleep#Like she does it unconsciously#so he got back and saw she was sleeping and settled down in the bed next to her waiting for her to wake up and she just did that lol#I have another comic showing the same headcanon
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local woman gets two consecutive weeks off work, immediately starts experiencing some type of Ailment
#literally#yesterday all day at work i was busy but manageable. just started feeling the tiredness set in near the end of the work day tbh#biked home feeling perfectly fine. got in and pretty much instantly i got 1. the worst headache 2. blurry spots in my vision?#i was like lemme relax by watching a movie but then was like huh. entire spots are missing when i try to look.#popped a big painfkiller and drank some tea in case it was dehydration or smth and by the end of the night it had improved but i still#went to bed early just listening to a YT vid letting my eyes rest and falling asleep p quickly even if i did wake up a few times in between#this mornign i was fine. but after a few hrs it's starting to settle in again and idk what to do abt it. i was gonna catch up on bridgerton#then mb get some reading done but like i need my eyes fr that... why is my vision still fucky.does ayone know what to do about it?#mb it's a delayed stress response frm the week ive had? is it a nutritional thing? baby's first weirdass migraine but it comes and goes???#i would do further research trying to read up on whta the hell i got but 1. reading extremely difficult feat and 2. internet said eye tumor#so im like oh fuck OFF#any and aall advice welcome though rip thanks#*edt lying down wi one episode of iwtv later and vision has +- returned to normal. so additional screentime....good???? make it make sense
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sometimes i forget that the ship name between hakunon and gilgamesh is hakugil and every time i see them pop up on my tl, haku literally gets a heart attack HBREFJHBERF
#every time i see it my heart does a lil jolt of shock#and then it settles down when i realize its not talking about haku HBERFJHERBHF#this is very random#im just not in the mood today yalls :((#its one of those days when the grief reminds me of things that i lost and i go#whooppee!!! sadness :DD#so yes thats the reason why im not on as much#but good news!!! im getting better!#i dont feel as fatigued anymore#granted i might just need some sugar#dean rambles#gonna rest up for the weekend mostly#can't promise on doodling anything :(( since im gonna be busy with the last few deadlines of the year#thank yuo all for sticking with me !!!
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Not some random freaking anime turboweebvirgins who admit they "still listen to Kanye" accusing Kesha of faking her abuse allegations and Questioning Her Moral Purity TM on her goddamn fucking Vivziepop Character that she voices' only good gifset.. 🤢💀
#Hazbin Hotel#Helluva Boss#hazbin hypocritical#Like every now and then I'm reminded why this tag needs to exist because some of you here are truly disgusting ....#Kesha#AND STOP USING THE '$' SIGN ....#Queen Bee#helluva boss queen bee#queen bee helluva boss#1.Just because the lawsuit was 'settled' doesn't mean any of us know what happened to her and HOW DARE YOU BRING HER PERSONAL SHIT HERE ...#2. It's not really the 'only good gifset' it's just the only good gifset I could find at the time and someone just had to shit all over tha#beautiful woman's personal life in the notes and I think Viv is a beautiful woman too so this isn't to poopoo on who Kesha works with ether#so antis dni and everyone calm down!!!#I'm so angry right now so glad my foods finally here oh my god I am so sick of you people!!!!
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love my leather boots sooo much.. polishing them at weekends is my favourite chore by far I always look forward to getting to do it :-)
#just re-lacing them rn so theyre ready for work tomorrow theyre so shinyyy muah#when my next payday comes around im gonna get a second pair so im not putting as much strain on the leather by wearing them everyday#but i think im gonna go for a different colour to my standard black.... ik solovair do similar ones in burgundy or bottle green hmm#well i have a month to think abt it before i decide!#red is my go to accent colour but green would probably fit better with my work wardrobe... and i do wear work clothes 5/7 days a week#anyway.... i need to meditate and then sleep. i usually settle down for bed 9:30 but im a little wired cuz new med change#so ive been putting it off until i feel actually tired so i wont stress abt not being able to fall asleep and then make it worse#i will probably feel pretty tired at work tomorrow but thats okay i dont have anything taxing scheduled#feeling so much better now this weekend is behind me. ik next weekend will likely be difficult again but im more prepared for it#i need to book myself this trip as well before train tix get too expensive so i have smth to look forward to next month....#just debating whether i actually want to invite other ppl or not. itd be rly nice for everyone to come but with recent events i feel-#a little delicate abt social stuff and i dont want to stress myself out and get insecure bc its meant to be a treat for me#like if i invite other ppl itll become their trip and suddenly im in the backseat third wheeling them all#and ill wish i had uninvited myself so they would enjoy it more etc but the POINT is its smth i wanna do!!!! for me!!!#we'll see how this week goes. i dont rly feel ready rn to unmute their server yet tho bc ill just make myself upset abt next weekend#letting sleeping dogs lie for now... ill come back around eventually it always takes some time to recover from mood swings that intense#okay now goodnight! xoxoxoxooxo#.diaries
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Images of despair [stellaris version]
#when you're fighting the scourge and making 700+ alloys a month but you NEED MORE#genuinely so glad I invested into a dyson sphere early on to suck the market 100% dry of alloys#pumping out ships because my life depends on it#just imagine. you're a space trader and you heard there's some invasion of bugs somewhere in the galaxy#then the strongest military you've ever seen rolls up and offers you 'any price you name' for spare metal on your ship#you laugh and say '600 energy credits and I'll give you four metal pipes!'#the military says 'deal' and immediately deposits 900 energy credits [the market price of alloys is already increasing]#anyway I'm now sitting here with a military over five times larger than my naval cap#and over four times the population I had before the war#reason: people evacuated the planets the scourge bombed#thousands of pops have settled straight into my empire even in the most dire planets#every square inch of living space is now taken up and every single job is full#every single planet has unemployment [i have an overabundance of consumer goods so I'm just giving them all free stuff]#oh and since I'm gearing the economy now towards 'well. they gotta work SOMEWHERE' [building as many commercial districts as possible]#I am spending hundreds of special resources I do not produce to keep massive company complexes running#imagine this: strange otherworldly beasts are running down your homeworld#you escape into space in a small cargo ship stuffed with people#it's barely enough to be considered a transport but it gets you far enough away to feel safe#as you are running you see the largest collection of ships in your life warp into the system#they unleash hellfire on the aliens and then neuron sweep the planet [the very ground of which got infected]#you shed a tear and look away from the window#three days later you're told you've arrived#you touch down in an extremely busy landing area#there are hundreds of thousands of people everywhere. the mood is joyous#there are screens set up in the square broadcasting the eradication of the aliens#you see people in the crowd you've never seen before. people speak in tongues you've never heard#a guide calls over to you and all the other new arrivals#apparently you weren't the first to run. you won't be the last either#this planet has more than quintoupled its population and is still recieving many people every day#luckily the government has declared they are going to be constructing massive projects to introduce new jobs
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need Guz to hug me tightly for like an hour solid oh my god dhdjdkl I went driving for the first time in over a year and I chewed my lip raw 😭😭
I'm starting to look like a caricature of Anxiety with all these physical symptoms and signs LMAO
#this is so ridiculous fhfjdkdl#i do not like driving fjdkdl i know i should not be on the roads#but unfortunately i have to bc i live rural and also my parents insist i ''just need more practice''#practice is not going to fix the dissociation 😭😭 practice will not fix the Other Drivers being shitty and scary and reckless fjfkdl#it might make it slightly easier bc i wont have to think as hard about shoulder and mirror checks and roadsigns and speed limits#and where i am located on the road and intersection rules and whatnot#but like... it does not fix that i live in a town (and world lol) where ppl are fucking bonkers on the road#i had someone riding my ass for like a full five minutes. we had only two feet btwn us. MAYBE. IF THAT MUCH.#he was BIG mad that i was going the speed limit#and THERES A POLICE STATION LIKE RIGHT NEAR THAT AREA MY GUY IM NOT GONNA GO OVER THE SPEED LIMIT RIGHT THERE LMAO ????#also im a rule follower usually so i do tend to go Exactly the speed limit fjfkdl#and maaannn that makes people SO fucking angry dhfjdl its impossible to drive Anywhere without having someone right on ur bumper#its so ridiculous like... that's not helping anyone ??? ur not getting to ur destination faster by riding up on somebodys ass ???? hewwo ???#ANYWAYS. i drove around the neighborhood and then went up the highway and thru some intersections and then into the main core of town#and then i got my dad to take over from there bc it was lunch hour and the core of town is a lawless land at the best of times#MY NERVES ARE FRIED. i need Guz to act as a weighted blanket or one of those pressure therapy vests for me LOL#im like... shaking fhdjsl that was far more than i thought we were going to do for driving today good lord#IM OKAY THOUGH I SURVIVED I DIDNT EVEN HIT A CURB OR ANYTHING#i think I've only hit a curb once so far in all my times driving and that was on my second time driving on a road i think#so pretty good track record... im a very careful driver fjdkdl i work so hard to be safe and drive smoothly#during my driving test the only thing the test guy had to critique was that i waited at an intersection when i could've gone#but the reason i waited was bc i wasnt sure i could make it across the traffic lane before the oncoming vehicle got to us#so it was like. a safe decision overall but a little too hesitant which can actually be unsafe fjdkdl#AUGH ANYWAYS SORRY FOR RAMBLING SM#driving stresses me out so bad and my lip is all raw now and i have so many physical stress symptoms the past few days fhfjdl#after tonight i should be able to calm down a bit hopefully fhfkdl theres a thing we're going to tonight thats been stressing me out so bad#but after tonight it'll be over and hopefully I can get myself settled down again fjfjdkl#dandy.cmd#vent //
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Song of the Day: January 18
"Settle Down" by The 1975
#song of the day#maybe one of the days I've had the hardest time choosing a song#it might have been 'Royals' by Neon Jungle (Lorde cover) which I talked to Lily about earlier#(the other day when we spent all that time traveling that was almost 'Eight Legged Blues' by Vixy and Tony#I played it for my family in the car on hour three of our drive and it was a big big hit#but it did get very cleanly overtaken by the Diva's Lament after I spent so much time with it on the train)#the original Lorde version of Royals played on Lily's playlist on the first hour of that drive and I mentioned I had a good cover#real good harmonies and neat acoustics in the big room they recorded in#and then today I finally remembered to send the link to Lily so that might have been today's song#or today's song also could have been 'Ringleader' by The Madison Letter which I tried but failed to sing in the shower#(I definitely don't know all the words yet. I did get a good echo off my 'ring-ring-ring-ringleader / ringleader' though which was nice)#and it also could have been 'Salt and the Sea' by the Lumineers which was in my single-song-by-artist playlist accidentally#no artist listed on the track somehow. very strange especially since it is so clearly a Lumineers song. they got the sound you know#anyway Salt and the Sea has some killer lines. 'from the destruction / out of the flame / you need a villain? give me a name#I'll be your friend / in the daylight again / there we will be / like an old enemy / like the salt and the sea'#but instead today is 'Settle Down' which is unbelievably fun to sing just for the way some of the words are pronounced and delivered#hits my brain just right every time#I had to do surgery on some of my poor plants (I can never leave them for so long again) and it was awful but the playlist provides#truly a wealth of song options today
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manic pixie nightmare girl
#super happy art time#sascha#fuckin around figuring out my ashfield babies so i ended up giving sascha laurens old info#since i wanna do somethin else with her lol#soooo#sascha is flo and torys cousin that helped them move to the states#she cut communication from the rest of her own family tho#she works at bella's hotel as a housekeeper and has shelter there#and on the side does some hacker work#sascha has a bit of backstory uhhh#she was raised super traditional and grew up feeling extremely empty and aimless because of it#she wanted to do something more but her parents always wanted her to follow something else instead#ie be a mom get married and just stay at home#but sascha was more interested in learning about the world and wanted to get into it but it just. never went anywhere#she had a boyfriend in highschool (who will prolly just be the guy she was paired wth before lol) who tried to 'tame her' sorta#he also just saw her as someone who needed 'protecting' and to 'calm down' so he always sorta sheltered her#sascha wanted to get into all these fun afterschool classes and wanted to learn more about computers or learn to write but her bf and#her fam always kept her from it#she ended up getting pregnant from her bf and he and her family started really rampinng up the 'its time to settle down and stop trying to#see out unrealistic ventures!' and all that#and she had a breakdown. she gave herself an abortion and broke off from her family and bf. i feel like she has a biiiig diary taht was her#way of geting these emotions out and felt she could only trust herself#she ran from home and i feel like thats how she fell int silent hill#i have more thoughts but i am tired lol#but her time in sh she sees as a dream. it was less a punishment and more a self discovey thing#she was homeless for a while at an internet cafe type place until bella found her and offered her housing#shes dating tim and theyre weirdos together#she ws wary of him at first but his own colorful nature helps her unwind a LOT#also feel like they have a shared interest in WEIRD bs and thats how they connected#anywho
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