#just shut up jesse

[brookheimer]

looking at the 'midseason trailer' and seeing roman fighting his siblings, roman shitting on gerri, roman working for fascists, roman walking proudly through ATN like logan did just two days prior... it's not surprising, but it is fucking sad.

logan's death will not free roman. instead, it will reforge the chains he's worn all his life, casting them in iron -- that's what roman deserves for thinking, for the first time in his life, that maybe he wants the chains off. that's what roman deserves for killing his father by not loving him enough, by not loving him correctly or at the right times. logan's death will not free roman at all. if anything, it will imprison him.

(as always, this got very long, so keep reading under the cut!)

this was the worst case scenario for roman. not just logan dying, but the exact way everything played out. he betrayed his siblings, he fired gerri -- for nothing. he could have been on the plane with his father in his last moments -- he refused. his last interaction with his father was leaving logan a voice message that called him a cunt -- the first time roman has ever, ever, questioned or stood up to his father, and also the last. we don't know what killed logan. we probably never will. but god if it won't feel awfully coincidental to roman: the one time he fought back against his father or even showed the slightest hint of doing so, his father died. is it likely that logan heard roman's voice memo and keeled over because he called him a cunt? no. but is it just as possible as anything else? entirely. roman might have killed his dad. roman murdered logan when he could've been on the plane with him holding his hand, if he were a good son. he didn't even tell logan he loved him. not that he needed to, it fucking oozed from his every pore and the desperate nature of that love was one of the reasons logan could never quite stand him -- but that's not the point. roman's one attempt at agency, at setting boundaries, at standing up for himself killed his fucking father.

logan dying would never have been good for roman, at least in his current state, no matter how the actual death came to pass. people often talk about abusive relationships as if the end-all-be-all fixer to abuse is independence, and it's not. independence isn't always enough to heal, especially not when it's forced upon you rather than something you choose. this is especially true for roman, i think. what roman needed was not just to gain his own independence, but to realize that independence and love are not mutually exclusive, that gaining one does not mean losing the other. logan's always hammered in roman's weakness, his wrongness; roman was never someone who deserved to be loved on his own terms. roman's never considered himself to be someone with agency and authority in his relationships -- he's been told over and over again that he isn't a real person, that there's something deeply wrong and unfixable in him, and he believes it. he's never set boundaries with his father or even his siblings because i don't think he really realizes he has the power to do that. he's simply there until people decide they no longer have use for him or want him around, and he'll always come crawling back after a kick because he doesn't realize he's not on a leash -- that he doesn't need to be on a leash. independence has been unreachable all his life, he isn't normal or real enough to be a real normal independent capable person, but if he grovels and shows his use enough, then maybe he can be loved. but his dependence and loyalty is all he's good for. independence means no love, no family, no relationships. and roman desperately wants, needs, those relationships in a way that none of the other characters do (or at least can admit to) -- he wants his father in his life, no matter what; he wants his siblings in his life, no matter what. but independence, being his own person, separating himself from logan's side means he'd lose everything else, everyone else. he's not good for anything anyways. it's not like he has other options.

...until the start of season four. that's why this is all so tragic -- more than anyone else, it seemed like roman was on the road to healing. it seemed like he was finally realizing that independence and love might not be as mutually exclusive as he's been made to think: maybe he could be independent while still having a relationship with his siblings and even his father. maybe he could have his cake and eat it too. he's realized that he's capable, that he has his own worth, and that he can be successful without living under logan's thumb -- and, more importantly, could still text him on his birthday and try to rebuild a relationship, this time outside of business. outside of "that room" in waystar royco. an actual fucking family relationship. that's what escaping the cycle would look like for roman — not complete separation, not a metaphorical killing of his father, but the ability to live alongside him, to have a life outside of him, to love his father without living for him. so simply removing logan from the equation wouldn’t help roman, not when what he needs most is to realize that self-respect is not mutually exclusive with love, that being your own person isn’t a betrayal, that family and love aren’t dependent on how low you can kneel and won’t be whisked away the moment you stand up. and for the first time in his life, it seemed like he was on track to discovering this. maybe he and the siblings could have the hundred, logan could keep going with atn, and in a few years down the line they'd all get together to talk shop and joke around and coexist -- for the first time, he had started to think of himself as enough of a real, okay person to be allowed to coexist with his family, rather than naturally subordinating himself in every interaction.

roman could’ve been his own person, could’ve escaped the cycle, could’ve started a business with his siblings and tried to heal, but now he won’t. he can’t. roman can’t become his own person now, not when his first attempt to do so is exactly what killed logan. it’s his fault. he fucked up and now there’s no dad. he gained his independence, but at what cost? love. that’s the cost. it always has been and always will be. nothing could be more detrimental to roman roy than the exact series of events that occurred in this episode, because just as he started to see a world beyond his father, logan dies -- proving once and for all that the only world beyond logan is one without him in it at all. that’s been roman’s fear all along and why he’s stuck so close to his side: roman loves and loves and loves and is terrified, terrified, of death. of loss. but in a moment of 'weakness,' roman wobbled (he tried to stand up to logan rather than just taking the kicks as he's supposed to, as he always has), and his father paid the ultimate price. there’s no more dad. there’s no reviving him.

…unless, of course, there is. unless roman can undo his error by choosing his father again, and again, and again. becoming logan is the closest roman can get to resurrecting him, after all. and besides, doesn’t he owe it to dad after killing him? after calling him a cunt, choosing not to be with him on that plane he ended up dying on? after forgetting to even say “i love you dad” before the end? roman needs to fix things. needs to make it like dad's still here. needs to make it like he didn't kill his own father by refusing him for the first time in his life. so roman will be the firebreather logan wanted -- he'll do ATN, he'll push for mencken, he'll do whatever it fucking takes to try and make things right. if it's his fault logan's no longer here, then he needs to do everything he possibly can to fulfill his dying wishes, to do what logan would've done, were he alive.

"dad can't die, he's dad." he can't ever die. he's immortal, and his immortality was solidified by the circumstances of his death -- logan will not die. he’ll live on in roman, as roman.

roman will make sure of it.

[imthursdaysyme]

When you need to match your husband so you buy an array of headbands that match all his shirts

[14dayswithyou]

Ima fistfight Teo's parents

You see my pfp, Ate? It's me omw to beat them up

✦゜ANSWERED: NDGGDKSGKSG GET THEIR ASSES VEL!!!!! We can go to Jollibee after you send the Alvarado's to the hospital ^^ Order whatever you want, Ate Saint will pay <3

[biblionerd07]

“Jesse deserved what happened with Jack’s gang and should’ve died in the end because he was a pussy bitch and a rat and snitching is NEVER forgivable.” —Some business major named Brayden who wears boat shoes and calls the cops if he sees a homeless person existing in public

[lesbianlotties]

10 CHARACTERS/10 FANDOMS/10 TAGS

tagged by @natscatorrcio thank you sm <3

oh i'm so going to cheat and add more than one per fandom

yellowjackets: laura lee + lottie

stranger things: robin

the haunting of bly manor: dani

warrior nun: camila + ava (+ beatrice)

the old guard: quynh

the wilds: shelby + leah

the locked tomb: harrow + ianthe

fear street: sam

the haunting of hill house: theo

a league of their own: esti

god that was difficult. i'll be ranting about it in the tags. anyway

tagging: @dufrau @hellmo @reesesfastbreak @femmeetart @yee-hawlw @lilolilyr @annieofhearts @lottieurl @sapphicscience (if u want/haven't been tagged!)

[izzythehutt]

Jesse and Walt will have a super intense, I-never-want-to-see-you-again breakup fight with an extremely definitive conclusion, and then the next day one of them will show up at the other's house as if nothing happened and neither ever mentions it again OR the one that drew the line in the sand will bitch to a mutual (probably Saul) about how the person they said they never wanted to see again/they told they hope dies hasn't called or shown up for a cook.

Every. Single. Time.

[oh-jail-for-mother]

just rewatched episode 6 of a league of their own for the third time and despite already knowing what's going to happen, i still found myself wishing that the banging on the door of the gay bar wouldn't come. it was literally all fun and games for the most part of the ep until the very last minute. i could be on my tenth rewatch and this part will still choke me up every time because the execution of the whole thing was just superb

[arashi-no-saxlphone]

I honestly keep waiting for the Guilty Gear obsession to dissipate and it just... doesn't? Is this a permanent fixture for me now? A special interest? I've always sucked about caring about things so honestly I'm kind of emotional that this has become consistent for me. I love Guilty Gear very much. Axl Low save me from the sad record teach me to break the happy one instead

[engagemythrusters]

Here's some angst, because sometimes bodies just feel like a mess. plus a bad background xoxo

[brookheimer]

I think a roman suicide could work. As the ultimate outcome of being emotionally crippled due to Logan’s abuse. The use of punishment/reward his entire life made him deeply depend on and worship his father, what Logan didn’t realise was in doing so he made roman unable to function or even live without him. I think it would make sense for Kendall’s story too - he destroys everything he loves in his attempt to be sole CEO and is complicit in Roman’s death by abusing him in his own way reminiscent of his father. That’s not to say Roman will become an immortalised angel who did no wrong - his own cruel actions towards the people he cares for in his quest to please his father even in death leaves him fundamentally alone. Not saying this will necessarily happen just spitballing here, trying to think of any suicide endings that would work cause I agree I’m not big on the Kendall one

hmmmm i get the appeal but i just don’t think rome would ever do something so Final. like, choosing to kill yourself is just about the biggest, most permanent, most personal decision someone could ever make, and i just can’t see roman — roman, who doesn’t even view his body as his own, who fundamentally can’t comprehend the certainty finality permanence of death, who can’t raise his hand without an authority figure telling him it’s okay to, who needs everything to be undoable to be able to be taken back, who doesn’t view himself as actually having agency and is too much of a nihilist to think he could ever make any decision that matters at all, who is a kicked dog that returns and returns and returns until his owner finally decides to put him down — i can’t see him doing something like that. he’ll never leave of his own accord. that’s someone else’s decision to make, not his. deciding to take his life would be the biggest acknowledgment of his own agency and selfhood he’s ever made. he can’t kill himself, he’s not allowed to, that’s another person’s job. maybe at times he wishes he could (maybe), but he’s too much of a coward. he’s too much of a coward for the coward’s way out. he’d hate himself for that but i really do think it’s true. and he is nothing if not a walking internalization (note: not externalization) of logan roy’s opinions and mindset and logan would fucking hate suicide. it’s disgusting. it’s a failing. it’s pathetic. so was roman’s display of grief at the funeral, of course, but that’s just another reason he wouldn’t even want to kill himself now — it would just make things worse, make him look even weaker. everyone would laugh at his corpse. but again, i don’t even think he’d be capable of enacting it, even if he wanted to. the kicked dog never leaves, it waits for a bone and it waits for more kicks. there’s no chain, but there might as well be — the kicked dog has never thought of leaving as an option. that’s just the way things are. there are no alternatives. so overall, like… i think suicide could make a lot of sense for roman’s ARC, given everything, but not a lot of sense for ROMAN himself. like on paper it works given his backstory/history/present moment/etc but considering (at least my own interpretation of) roman as a character, it just feels hard to imagine him, like, following thru with it. that’s just my read though !!!

[delisocks]

what the fuck im so mad. i am so mad right now. i had a dream that i was at my grandparents’ for a holiday party and there was this guy there that looked Exactly like jesse pinkman post-el camino and i was like “omg is that jesse pinkman post-el camino” but my brain was like “nooo that’s not jesse pinkman because jesse is a fictional character. stop being weird del and leave him alone” and then i woke up. so that literally Was jesse pinkman. i’m never getting over this.

[themyscirah]

Wait omg..... Jessica Cruz probably did rifle... my specialized sports knowledge coming in CLUTCH

Okay so I barely practiced and made it to regionals like once so im NOT the expert here but uh headcanoning that Jess did air rifle when she was a teen. Like idk if it would be as part of a team like with a high school (what I'm familiar with) vs like an individual thing vs like a travel/competitive team (it depends on the sitch in her area growing up) but she definitely went to some national matches (probably including JOs/JO quals like i think she was GOOD). I think she probably would have quit competitively following a bad shot at nationals (relatable) along with anxiety about competition (ALSO relatable) but still kept up with shooting casually for fun and relaxation and to hang out with friends etc.

She definitely would have shot smallbore competitively too but I never did that bc I was lazy so idk to much abt it competitively

[14dayswithyou]

JOIN MAMA SLOTHS SERVER SAINT I PROMMY WE"RE SANE THERE

✦゜ANSWERED: ABOUT TO PERFORM A WELLNESS CHECK ON Y'ALL FR GJDSHJGDJSHG /j

[emmafallsinlove]

no but good kid from the pjo musical is so jess mariano coded while my grand plan is actually so rory coded and in this essay i will —

[curlsincriminology]

Richie's evolution in the bear is so incredibly special to me. I cry every time I watch Forks

[andtosaturn]

KITTY ASLEEP IN SUNLIGHT INCIDENT 50 BACK FROM THE DEAD THOUSANDS HEALED