#just something with...immortals having to deal with the fact that everything goes and passes through them..

[blabberoo]

"Are you..drunk..?"

He couldn't even talk right, his hands forming in half phrases to half words (is he even talking?), then finally resolving to a 'no'.

Drifter sighed, pinching his nose bridge between his fingers. "Goddamn it. How is that even possible."

He grabbed the corpse by the arm and dragging it over his shoulder, supporting the rest of him by the waist. The beheaded was thrashing at first, attempting to get off of Drifter's grip, yet was quick to give up when sudden motions was too much for his... flame? Letting most of his weight fall over the smaller person, to which he couldn't do anything but to grumble under his breath.

Thankfully, the base wasn't too far. It took a few walks to the door and onto the bed where Drifter plopped Bobby like a carcass (well he is.)

As he stood up and was about to walk away, the beheaded grabbed him by the cloak in a state of panic. This, of course, caught Drifter's attention, simply at stasis and looking at him as if to wait for a reason. Why did he stopped him? Why did it hurt to see him go? Why the hell does his head hurt..

His eye blinked weakly, tried to muster up the energy to speak.

"Vomit." he signed.

"Oh, shit. Wait! Hold on—" It took three second for Drifter to find a basin a bring it to Bobby, just in time for him to let it all out. Seriously, how is this possible?

Though he was able to have a slight sigh of relief he wasnt able to get the mess on the bed, that's one less thing to worry about.

"Sit up. I'm gonna have clean you."

It took him a bit slow but he followed without retaliation, possibly too sick to do so. Drifter walked away to the bathroom and returned with a new basin and towel. He begin cleaning whereever the mess got him, along his hands and to his arms. Although there's not much he could do with his clothes but to wipe off what he could, it's not like he'd be comfortable enough to change his clothes. He'll have to take care of thet himself when he's more sober.

"Lord Jackal, why do I put up with you." He muttered under his breath, moreso to himself.

However, that might have caught up Bobby's attention,as he raised his hands to sign.

"Why do you?"

Drifter's gaze caught his at the sudden movement, although his eye were still unfocused, perhaps by the lingering influence of alcohol.

"People— They always look out for me because I could somehow save them from their problems. No matter how many times I've shown them I couldn't— Don't want to! Because even if I did, I will still screw it up— time and time again— ALWAYS! But everything ends the same. Everything ends. And I'm still—"

He pauses, and his hands flopped over his lap. His head lowers and shoulder slacked. He had never been like this before. Quiet. Tired.

Of course, Drifter was the same. He approached him for the same reason, and yet it hasn't crossed his mind the fact that he had gone through this a lot. And he was adding up to that.

"Do you want to cut the deal?" He intended to make it sound neutral, though his remourse came out of his soft tone.

Bobby took a moment to register it, flame still swaying through the influence.

"I don't know. I just—"

God. It hurts to think. He felt like everything around him is swallowing him whole.

"I'm tired of people leaving. I just don't want—"

He hasn't blurted out like this in a long while, maybe never. And the guts of this dead body seemed to sprung alive only to churn in pain. Its all too much. He closed his eye and let his heavy toll rest upon Drifter's shoulder. Soft flames prickling the crook of his neck.

I don't want to be alone.

He felt arms wrap around him, a palm brushing along his back in a comforting rhythm. His mind focused on these sensation, and for a moment he could feel himself grounded under Drifter's touch. It felt like he could breath again, and for the first time, felt like he mattered to someone.

This simple moment alone could stay with him for eternity. And if that were the case, perhaps he can indulge himself in it.

Tomorrow— he can pretend to forget.

[supernovaa-remnant]

Hei hei hei

https://www.tumblr.com/writing-prompt-s/725377575947534336/you-used-to-be-the-scourge-of-kingdoms-the-reaper

Hunter/Warrior!Dream and history nerdbur 💀💀💀💀 wil got bored one time and decided to stalk that one legendary immortal reaper who just disappeared one day

hii how are you doing today? :)

Had a lot of fun with this one so it's gonna get a bit long lol. Or, maybe not super long, but it feels dense to me. I've packed it with a lot of worldbuilding. There's still cute madduo moments but this is actually mostly worldbuilding oops.

(this is written as platonic intimacy, but y'all can interpret it however you'd like)

Millennia ago, Dream was a feared warrior and necromancer who was practically a god. Some even argued that he was a god or that he made a deal with one. Some stories said he toppled empires with the Blood God, whilst some stories made it seem like the toppled empires were merely a casualty of fights between the two. (Both were right to some extent: Dream & Techno were long time rivals but also friends, and they often turned their toppling of empires into a competition of sorts).

Dream ended up befriending two mortals: Sapnap & George. They went on many adventures together, and, for a while, they were even known as heroes to some. All of them were legends in their own right, and the Dream Team were known throughout the lands. But only one of them had the benefits of immortality. Eventually, Sapnap & George died, and that was when Dream disappeared. He took away most records of himself when he left, and all that was left were stories told by word of mouth and old books in the back of very old libraries.

Wilbur is a scholar from a small town in one of the many kingdoms in the land. His favorite pastimes include annoying his younger brother (Tommy) and researching forgotten and forbidden history. A part of his fixation on history comes from the fact that he knows nothing about his biological parents—he remembers cold yet comforting embraces, the sounds of crows and ravens, and faded voices telling him stories. He was found by Tommy's parents when he was very little, and they've been the only family he's known.

One day he finds a story about Dream, and something about the story feels so familiar, so he begins to search for anything and everything he can find about this mysterious legend who seems to have been erased from history. He spends many nights holed up in his room trying to figure out where Dream disappeared to and most importantly why.

At some point, Wilbur is on the verge of making a discovery. A big discovery. As in, he's about to connect some dots that point towards the world as they know it being in danger. However, after he goes to sleep that night, he wakes up to the village burning. He manages to get Tommy out, but their parents aren't so lucky. All of Wilbur's research has gone down the drain. But, luckily, he has a good idea of where Dream has been this whole time.

But there's one problem: Tommy. Tommy's not quite an adult yet, and for all the teen proclaims himself as "a big man," Wilbur can't put him in danger. Wilbur ends up taking him to a friend's place in the nearest city (it's Schlatt's place who's Tubbo's dad—yay clingyduo). Tommy argues because he wants to go with Wilbur. And, maybe it's a shitty move because their parents just died and it's understandable that Tommy would want to stay with his only living relative, but Wilbur leaves in the middle of the night. (He leaves a plush sheep named friend for Tommy <3). (Also this 100% leads to clingyduo sneaking out themselves and looking for Wilbur. They end up running into an enderman hybrid with amnesia but who may or may not have some connections to a certain Blood God).

Eventually, Wilbur ends up in the hidden valley where Dream resides. Dream, feeling someone pass through the magic wards is understandably cautious. So he goes to investigate (re: hold an axe to Wilbur's throat), but then in a very uncertain voice, Dream asks "are you Phil and Kristin's son?"

Now, Wilbur is, understandably, confused. Because he doesn't recognize those names. Because he grew up with adopted parents. So, then, he turns to questioning Dream despite still having an axe to his throat.

The thing is, Wilbur undeniably has traces of Phil and Kristin. There are his looks, of course, but Dream's a necromancer who's spent much of his immortal life in the presence of gods despite not quite being one himself. He can feel death lingering around Wilbur in a way it only would with a child of death. But, Wilbur doesn't show any signs of godhood nor immortality nor magic. He doesn't show any signs of being a hybrid either. It doesn't make sense.

So, in the end, Dream ends up as fascinated with Wilbur as Wilbur is with him.

Wilbur sticks around. It's due to a mix of factors: their mutual interest in one another, the fact that it's safer for Wilbur within the valley, and because of what Wilbur knows. The information he's discovered that put him at risk in the first place is something Dream needs to know.

As Wilbur sticks around he's introduced to Sapnap & George—

("I thought they were dead?"

"And? I'm a necromancer."

"Ah, yes, of course. Then where are they?"

"My necromancy abilities may be slightly weaker than they used to be. They're ghosts."

"Ghosts?"

"But they're able to occasionally take a really cute blob form.")

—and learns more about why Dream disappeared, and more about who he truly is. Dream's the protegee of one of the elder gods—ExDee—and he was on the path to godhood before, well, everything. ExDee noticed a corruption beginning to spread that could affect even the gods. So, to stop the spread, xe (xe/xem pronouns for ExDee because, uh, yes) sealed xemself in The End and locked the dimension away from the other realms. It worked, and it rendered the corruption within ExDee dormant, but it was too late—due to ExDee's connection with Dream, Dream was also affected.

That's the true reason Dream disappeared. He cut off all contact with the other gods (and this is why his necromancy powers are weaker—he could still raise armies of the undead, but to breathe life and souls back into a body requires special favors from Kristin), and he magically sealed himself into a hidden Valley. The corruption, when magically cut off from the rest of the realm, remains dormant, but Dream can't leave because he hasn't found a way to purge it completely.

Unfortunately, it seems that the origin of the corruption has found more ways to worm itself into the realms.

Dream & Wilbur work together to try to find solutions to this. Wilbur helps the dream team in their research on how to purge the corruption from Dream, and they also work together to try to learn the origin of the corruption and thus how to defeat it once and for all.

Through this all, though, Dream is doing some research of his own: most importantly, he's trying to figure out why Wilbur doesn't show obvious signs of being Phil and Kristin's kid and why he doesn't know his parents.

(The reason he doesn't know is because Phil & Kristin & Techno and a bunch of other gods were essentially called away due to the corruption worming its way into the overworld. They didn't know anything about it due to ExDee & Dream disappearing before they could share what they knew, so it was an unknown variable. Phil & Kristin sealed Wilbur's divinity to keep him safe).

Whilst all this happens, Dream & Wilbur get closer. Dream's the only person Wilbur can talk to (he can't see ghosts and he can't understand Sapnap & George when they're in their blob form), so he gravitates towards the immortal a lot.

They'll dance in the kitchen, cook together, cuddle in bed, garden, and overall do a lot of domestic stuff. When they're researching they get distracted by their banter which inevitably ends with the two of them laughing from the dramatics of it all. They'll read stories whilst curled up next to one another. It's overall really soft.

One night they're stargazing and Dream shows Wilbur some of his scars. There's intimacy in the way Wilbur softly traced the marks. It was at that moment that they both realized how close they'd become and how much they cared for each other.

Soon, Dream finds a way to break the seal on Wilbur. Dream's told Wilbur some stories about his parentage (which Wilbur soaks up with rapt attention), so Wilbur's excited to unlock this part of himself.

It goes worse than they'd hoped. Turns out, the seal also locked away his avian heritage, so he immediately begins the winging process which usually happens when avian hybrids are fledglings. It's really, really painful, and the entire time Dream's calling upon any healing magic he knows to ease the pain.

Wilbur passes out for a week, but he's okay in the end. Dream spends a lot of the time hovering in worry, and Sapnap & George end up taking shifts watching Wilbur just so that Dream will get some sleep. (Most of the time Dream falls asleep next to Wilbur anyway, but at least he's getting rest).

The recovery (and discovery) period for Wilbur involves him leaning on Dream for a lot of stuff. Though, with his newfound connection to death, he can actually interact w/ Sap & George in their ghost forms, so a lot of the time they'll snitch on Dream whenever Dream is overworking himself. When this happens Wilbur basically drags him to bed for cuddles under the guise that it's for Wilbur's benefit.

Dream guides Wilbur through his new powers to the best of his abilities, and Dream also preens Wilbur's wings (he has experience, luckily). Wilbur wants to learn to fly, but that's an area that Dream can't help with.

("How about you just jump off the roof?"

"Sapnap! You're going to get him killed."

"Wait that's perfect. Wilbur. Wilbur. Join the ghost squad. We're so much cooler than Dream."

"George! Stop! Wil, why are you laughing? They're trying to kill you!")

(In the future, Techno will find his way to Dream's valley, asking for help in saving Phil & Kristin. He'll be oh so familiar to Wilbur, and Techno will look at Wil and wonder how much time has passed. The toddler he told stories to is now fully grown.

Techno will speak of a child from the end with memory problems who may be a key part in stopping the corruption. Eventually this will lead them all to bench trio—and Tommy will yell at Wilbur for leaving him—and the story will have a happy ending, though not after plenty of hardship.

For now, though, there's impromptu karaoke nights, pillow fights, and stargazing. There's naps on the couch and arms wrapped around one another. There's teasing and banter and dramatics fitting of theater kids. There's forehead kisses and nose boops and intimacy. For now, there's a moment of peace—a calm before the storm).

[starrynightofcontradictions]

In which Bella regrets becoming a vampire:

For the first several years, it’s everything she hoped it would be. She has Edward. She has strength and beauty and immortality. She doesn’t have to try in order to succeed. As much as she pretended that beauty didn’t matter- the confidence that comes with it is intoxicating. She has Renesmee, the child she didn’t know she needed. All in all, being a vampire is everything she wanted.

Eventually, they have to move. Bella visits Charlie, of course, but it’s still hard. She goes on to get her English degree. She aces every class, even math. It’s a little distracting being around humans, but she doesn’t slip up or have accidents. She eventually wants to become a professor, but it’s a little difficult since she can barely pass for twenty. That’s something she hadn’t anticipated. Older people don’t always take her seriously on that level- even with her looks. Beauty can’t hide the fact that she still looks nineteen. Edward consoles her, and she brushes it off. It doesn’t matter really. She has everything she wanted. A career isn’t that important in the grand scheme of things (she tells herself).

She watches Renesmee grow up into a beautiful teenage-woman-hybrid-whatever. Eventually, Renesmee and Jacob fall madly in love. Their “love” rivals Edward and Bella’s, and eventually they run off together to have adventures of their own. Renesmee goes off to college/Jacob opens his own shop etc.  At some point they leave the nest, and this leaves Bella feeling predictably…. empty. She knew it was coming; eventually Renesmee would want independence. It’s fine.

She has Edward and immortality. It’s everything she ever wanted. Years pass. Eventually modern technology catches up to them. The Cullen’s public “lives” start to become complicated. One day Carlisle comes home and announces he will have to leave his job indefinitely. With facial recognition and a host of identity-verifying hoops to jump through, it’s just too much of a risk. Carlisle is somewhat depressed, but it is what it is. It bothers Bella deeply, and she can’t really place why. In truth, their public “lives” had become important to her. She won’t admit it, but she likes when fellow classmates look at her with awe and envy. With the way things are shaping up, though, they will have to take more precautions so as not to attract the Volturi’s attention.  Endlessly going to high school and college are no longer an option.

More years pass. The Cullens end up having to live as recluses, essentially. They can still go out, but mostly at night. They still live in a mansion, but it’s in the middle of nowhere where no humans could ever stumble upon it. They can’t risk ending up on the internet and with smart phones it’s a serious possibility.

Years pass and all the beauty and talent that comes with being a vampire becomes normal. Bella is slipping back into her pre-vampire depression by this point. She can never, ever admit it though. She’s happy. She has everything she ever wanted, and there’s nothing else to be said. She takes up hobby after hobby to pass the time. And that’s all there is now- endless amounts of time. Even sex with Edward has lost its early appeal. She still loves him, of course, but there’s something deep inside her that’s left wanting. It terrifies her. She goes off on her own a lot to deal with the feelings, so Edward won’t notice. She can never tell him that a small but significant part of her feels a growing glimmer of regret. She refuses to name that feeling, even in her own head. Edward can never know. If he knew the truth it would be the thing that broke them.  After everything he did to convince her and all the arguments, he can never know how she actually wishes things were different. In truth, she has everything she thought she needed to be happy and successful- beauty, talent, confidence. But she can never achieve anything because of her eternal youth. Growth, a career, the respect that comes with age and experience. She will never have these things, and she knows it. So, she buries the regret under a steel wall of “happiness” and makes sure she never slips up. She has to control her emotions the way the rest of them control their bloodlust. In a way she’s reminded of those three days of her transformation, holding herself still, so Edward would never know the pain she was in. She holds her emotions in check now for the same reason, but underneath it all, she’s screaming and wishing for an end. More years pass, and Bella feels isolated because of this. In the end, though, she’s not alone. She sees Jacob, bound to her daughter in eternal happiness brought on by the imprint. Jacob, who left his entire life behind for Renesmee. She looks into his eyes and realizes that underneath all that eternal “bliss”, he’s screaming too.

[therealvinelle]

What are vampires?

(Yes, I changed the title from “What is venom?” a week after publishing and after a whole set of sorry souls reblogged the post. I’m very sorry, but as I sat down to write the follow-up piece I realized that this meta is about vampires, not venom, and the title is no longer appropriate. My perfectionism got the better of me and I’m sorry.)

There’s been a lot of speculation on that in this fandom, here comes my take. It’ll split into four parts, this being part one where I look at what venom does to the human body. In part two I look at hybrids, part three I speculate on what venom is, part four I treat possible origins and raisons d’être of venom.

So, this first part is mostly me regurgitating facts. We won’t get anywhere if we’re not all agreed on what vampires are.

Also, I get very pseudo-scientific in this meta, but I have no education in biology or medicine so I could be wrong about everything. I tried to use good sources, though, so I can’t be entirely off-base.

With that out of the way, LET’S DO THIS.

To create a vampire, you infect a human with venom. This venom spreads throughout the body, altering every cell. The process is complete when the heart stops beating. If the human was injured at the time of infection, they will be healed, as long as the heart keeps beating.

Let’s go through that.

How does the venom spread?

When Bella was bitten by James, Edward was able to suck the venom out. Several minutes passed from she was bitten until Edward sucked the venom out, yet the burn was only reported to be in her hand. By contrast, anyone who’s ever had pharmaceutical administered intravenously knows that blood travels quickly. If venom travelled like any normal fluid, Bella would have said «My hand is on fire. No wait, my arm! No, wait, my torso! No, wait-» and Edward wouldn’t have been able to suck it out.

Additionally, Bella has that scar left by James. The venom had already altered the cells at the entry point.

To me, this sounds like the venom is like Pac-Man, spreading through the body by altering one cell at a time. It’s the only explanation for why it’s so slow. More on that later, though.

How does it alter the cells, and in turn the human body?

Physically, their skin is made impervious and perfectly even, their teeth are straight, razor sharp and white, their bodies impossibly strong, fast, and precise, their senses heightened to an insane degree yet they feel no pain from most physical injuries. Their digestive system is altered so they can only consume blood, preferably human blood, anything non-blood is regurgitated. They’re much more attractive than they were in life. They’re not reliant on oxygen, and their blood doesn’t circulate. They produce their own venom.

Mentally, their minds function at the capacity necessary to even utilize a body like this. They are able to process their heightened sensory input (for example, it’s the brain that interprets visual input from the eyes. For vampires to be able to see better than humans, both eye and brain have to improve), process though much faster than humans, they forget nothing, and they feel emotion and physical sensation more strongly than humans do.

Let’s go through these alterations one by one.

Skin

Frequently likened to marble, vampire skin is as hard as stone. When Bella becomes a vampire, she’s stunned Edward’s flesh now yields to her touch. Before, if she pressed her finger on him, his skin would not yield. The shapeshifters can kill vampires because their fangs are sharp enough to pierce their skin, without that advantage they couldn’t do it. No ordinary weapon could injure a vampire.

The stone skin is an armor, protecting them.

Teeth

As us humans get older, the enamel in our teeth is worn away, revealing the tooth’s underlying yellow color (the dentin). Vampires can live for thousands of years, yet their teeth remain that perfect blinding white. What changed? I see two possible explanations, one being that vampires still have enamel, and it’s too strong to ever be worn away, or they don’t have it because their teeth have been altered to the point where they don’t need a protective layer anymore, and their composition is something completely different from that of human teeth.

I think it’s the latter, as there are two other major changes reported. Their teeth have changed shape, they are now sharp enough to pierce through human or vampire skin. They’re also venomous (more on that later), able to inject anybody they bite, fellow vampires included, with venom.

There’s also the fact that vampires are changed on a molecular level, but more on that later.

Strength, speed, and precision

Meta I wrote on vampire strength disparity.

Vampires are ridiculously powerful, no upper limit (as in, «Newborn Emmett can carry 500 tonnes») is given, but whatever it is it’s high. Alice might just be the physically weakest vampire in the saga (Jane is physically smaller, but she eats properly. Alice lives on a subpar diet), but to Bella it makes no difference, Alice blows her out of the park anyway. Edward, a malnourished and not too strong vampire, is easily able to pick up entire trees by the roots, and then throw them at a small target.

As for speed, vampires move faster than the human eye can register, which according to this article means they can reach a speed of 38 146 mph! (61 390 km/h for us metric people) (Also, the traveling object used for this calculation was a ball, and the article specifies that it would be different for bigger objects. Alas I’m not going to bother my physicist friend with this, so we’re using the ball number.)

When it comes to precision, vampires exercise perfect muscle control. They’re so graceful their steps can’t be heard by humans,  Edward can famously stroke a soap bubble without popping it, and they’re able to perfectly mimic the handwriting of others (a task anyone who’s ever googled forensic calligraphy will know is next to impossible). Much of this appears to be instinctual, like a downloaded .vampire package. Knowing how to attack prey, where to bite, that all happens on autopilot. So too does running, jumping, walking (funny how their default mode, even Carlisle’s, is to walk too quietly for their designated prey to detect). Snarling, hissing, and growling are also distinctly non-human manners vampire adopt.

Senses

Heightened sight, hearing, and smell is extremely useful. It makes them much more effective hunters. The smell especially is useful here, but really, all their senses are invaluable in this. It’s great for dealing with fellow vampires as well, they can see, hear, and smell their kind coming from a far distance.

There’s an added advantage, though. As I got into here, and here, if a vampire’s memories of their human life is dull and washed out compared to their brilliant new existence, dismissing humans as equally deserving of life becomes that much easier to justify. Heightened emotions serves this same purpose, though considering their longevity I think this is another form of survival, that they’re wired not to grow bored with life (but this is really for a separate meta).

There’s also the fact that their senses have to be tuned up to 11 to fit their other enhanced abilities. There’s no use in super-speed if you can’t see where you’re going.

Vampires’ heightened senses make them more efficient predators, and help them become the bloodthirsty sociopaths we know and love.

Pain receptors, or lack thereof

Vampires feel pain when they are thirsty, when their limbs are torn off, when they are bitten by other vampires (it appears to be the venom that stings), or when subjected to a gift that induces pain (Jane, Kate). They don’t feel pain like humans do, nor do they feel discomfort (they can sit indefinitely in any position, never feeling the need to shift around.

Interestingly, it looks to me like pain serves the same function for them as it does for humans. The brain registers pain to tell us something, a biological error message. Don’t walk on that leg, it’s injured. Get your hand off the hot stove and don’t put it there again. Pain is useful.

Vampires, by contrast, are not going to get injured from someone hitting them. There are no blood vessels that can burst, no soft tissue that can burst nor bones that can break. So, no need for their brains to register that as pain. Humans need to change positions every now and then for the sake of our circulation and so we don’t develop pressure ulcers (and I’m sure there are more reasons), vampires have no circulation and, as mentioned above, their skin is armor. No pressure ulcers.

What they do need pain for, is to let them know to feed. That’s the big one, and in turn the strongest one. The pain of the thirst is unbearable, as it has to be to turn a human who was infected with venom into a killer. It’s survival. Same goes for feeling pain when their limbs are torn off, or their bodies damaged by a bite. Their pain receptors let them know to avoid this next time.

As for Jane and Kate’s gifts, this may not serve a purpose for other vampires, but it serves a purpose for Jane and Kate. It protects them. So, sucks for everyone else, but that’s what gifts do, they give the gift-haver a leg up on others.

Digestive system

Carlisle had spent many years attempting to understand our immortal anatomy; it was a difficult task, based mostly on assumption and observation. Vampire cadavers were not available for study.

His best interpretation of our life systems was that our internal workings must be microscopically porous. Though we could swallow anything, only blood was accepted by our bodies. That blood was absorbed into our muscles and provided fuel. When the fuel was depleted, our thirst intensified to encourage us to replenish our supply. Nothing besides blood seemed to move through us at all. (Midnight Sun, chapter Home)

Ignoring the horrifying fact that the context for this quote is Edward wondering if Bella’s tear could stay in his system forever, this here is extremely interesting and I agree. Partly because I can’t think of anything better, partly because Carlisle is an in-universe medical genius who’s had access to far more data than I have. He can run experiments, I can’t. Even if I came up with a theory I thought was better, if blood absorption through porous tissue is Carlisle’s best theory then there must be evidence in favor of this which I don’t have access to. So, porous tissue it most likely is.

(Also, my «Carlisle totally volunteered for vivisection fun times with Aro in Volterra» theory survives that first paragraph. Vampire cadavers might not be available for study, but live ones absolutely are, you just pick them apart and put them back together after, and bring in Corin and/or Alec so the guinea pig has a good time too. There’s no way that never occurred to Aro. Even if it didn’t, it’s bound to have occurred to someone over the years, and Aro touches a lot of people. And we know he and Carlisle discussed what vampires even were, that they were best friends and all about that science.

We also know that sometimes, your weird science experiments involving dismemberment and tripping on Corin in Volterra, stay in Volterra. The tissue is porous, Edward, DON’T ASK ME HOW I KNOW.)

This has huge implications. What happened to the digestive system they used to have?

It’s still there, but non-operational.

Middle solution: it’s recognizably there, but welded shut. At some point, whatever the vampire ingests hits an untraversable boundary, and from there the blood is absorbed while any other matter remains, undigested (though possibly dissolved by venom) until regurgitated.

The vampire’s inner anatomy is unrecognizable from that of a human. Vampires have no need for livers, bowels, gall bladders, and so on, and so these organs no longer exist, or have even been replaced by other organs (assuming vampires need any, more on that later).

My vote lies with the third option, though both second and third are possible. The first one, not so much, as it means that in theory, they could force something through their system. They can’t.

More, vampires are nothing if not extremely efficient and economical organisms. They don’t need to feel pain from a physical blow, so they don’t. Why carry around these organs they’re not using?

Then there’s what they even need their digestive system to do. Humans need the nutrients in our meals not just as fuel, but as- well, everything. We need the building blocks for our cells. Our bodies are constantly renewing themselves. Vampires, by contrast, don’t appear to do this. There’s no waste of any kind, and their skin doesn’t get flaky. Edward specifically says blood is fuel, and I think that’s a literal interpretation.

Now we’re veering into speculation territory, and this isn’t the place for it just yet as we’re veering into what venom is and does, but I think whatever digestive process vampires have, serves to turn their blood to venom. I don’t think there’s any particular organ for this, I think that’s just because that’s what happens when venom comes into contact with blood. We see it happen when humans are bitten, and I think it’s fair to assume that the same thing happens when venom comes into contact with ingested blood.

This also helps explain why animal blood isn’t equal to human blood. Animals can’t be turned to vampires, it’s blood but venom and animal blood aren’t on the same FM, so to say. So, with no better option, yes venom can make do with animal blood, but it won’t perform as well as it would with human blood. The vampire is now weaker, with the frankly terrifying side effect that their eyes change color. We’re so used to this that we just go «oh, yeah, animal blood means their eyes turn yellow. It’s like a LED light letting you know which diet the vampire is on!» when in any other organism, a chance of color like that is usually the sign of something being wrong. Blue lips, yellow sclera, red urine, all color changes that point to something not being not as it should be.

Now, to go further here would mean getting more into what venom even is, which is best saved for part three. I’ll say this, venom appears to be the only fluid in the vampire body. It’s moistens their eyes (and melts their contacts), pools in their mouth, is injected through their fangs, and the application of venom to a wound makes them heal faster. Venom is the substance they rely on, more so even than blood, their elixir of life. (My speculation on how Edward was able to impregnate Bella is reserved for the hybrid/what is venom metas).

Also, on what vampires carry over from their human bodies, I do think they’re economical enough to not fix what ain’t broken. I think this because the human nervous system is absolutely brilliant, and indeed Bella regains sensation during her transformation where her spine had once been broken and unable to communicate with her brain. Question is, of course, was this because her new vampire body still uses the human nervous system, or did Bella regain sensation because her transformation had gotten to a point where this was no longer the case?

Beauty

The beauty part has gotten some very valid criticism, as beauty is very subjective and venom makes it out to be an objective, empirically measurable unit.

To caveat first, we see in canon that not all vampires are gorgeous. James was an ugly human, and so as a vampire he’s no beauty. Maggie was emaciated and not particularly attractive, so she’s bony and not hot by vampire standards. The Cullens, by contrast, were attractive humans. Human Bella is a hottie, she pulls all the guys without issue. If she were as plain as she thinks she is, she wouldn’t get male attention. Being new is only gonna get her so far. Jasper was turned because Maria thought he was a cutie, and same goes for Emmett with Rosalie.

(There’s also a certain inherent bias - I imagine attractive people have a much higher chance of getting turned than uglies.)

More, understand that vampires don’t look human. They’re flawless, desirable, perfect, yes - but they are very distinctly not human, and humans know as much instinctively:

Like any normal human, suddenly standing just a foot away from a vampire would send adrenaline racing through his veins. Fear would twist in his stomach for just a fraction of a second, and then his rational mind would take over. His brain would force him to ignore all the little discrepancies that marked me as other. His eyes would refocus and he would see nothing more than a teenage boy. I watched him come to that conclusion, that I was just a normal boy. I knew he would be wondering what his body’s strange reaction had been about. (Midnight Sun, chapter 21, page 547)

Vampires are beautiful in the way the Nefertiti bust is beautiful. It’s perfect, otherworldly, timelessly beautiful, but looking at it you know this is a bust and not a living human woman.

With that in mind, I think some of the vampire’s unnatural beauty is… not circumstantial, but happy bonuses to their other qualities. Their perfect skin, for instance, goes a long way towards making them beautiful. Perfectly smooth, a glowing white, no disruptions like blackheads, scarring, or sweat. At one point Bella describes Rosalie as looking airbrushed. Their perfect teeth, impeccable grace, these features also help.

Now, I think when venom makes a human more beautiful, I think the big thing it does is make the features perfectly symmetrical. This by itself is immediately inhuman and unnatural, more computer generated than human, just perfect enough to tick off the uncanny valley box. This would explain the flawlessness Bella keeps describing in vampires. It also explains the disparity in beauty, the features Rosalie had to work with and get symmetrical were lovelier than the ones James had, and why they can look completely different from each other yet share that same kind of uncanny impeccability. It also explains how people of wildly different face types and ethnicities can all be beautiful, the venom won’t erase the features you had but rather refine them into the best they can be.

I do think that refinement, in addition to symmetry, happens. If it didn’t, the change wouldn’t be so radical from human to vampire. More, all vampires are described as having sharp features, Esme stands out for the fact that she retained some of her human softness. So, the venom appears to make features more angular and, well, sharp.

Aro’s description is in favor of my interpretation of vampiric beauty: 

I couldn't decide if his face was beautiful or not. I suppose the features were perfect. But he was as different from the vampires beside him as they were from me. His skin was translucently white, like onionskin, and it looked just as delicate (New Moon, page 234)

His features are flawless, meaning symmetrical. He should be beautiful, so it’s the skin that gives her pause.

There’s also the matter that beauty is observed in the body, not just the form. They all look strong and limber, even the tiniest of vampires. I imagine some of this is simply texture, that vampires are made hard, smooth, and perfect, but we have this from Bella looking in the mirror after waking up a vampire:

She was fluid even in stillness, and her flawless face was pale as the moon against the frame of her dark, heavy hair. Her limbs were smooth and strong, skin glistening subtly, luminous as a pearl. (Breaking Dawn, page 261)

Fluid even in stillness, her limbs smooth and strong. This woman was starving to death when she died. Combined with the fact that Edward, who was a sick 17-year-old, has muscle definition, it seems venom does body sculpting as well. Though it’s worth noting that hydration goes a long way towards muscle definition for humans, so the change in fluid composition in vampires could have something to do with it their limber appearance.

Then there’s the other vampire beauty markers.

Their voices are described quite unusually, with words like wind chimes, bells, or feathers. They’re beautiful, but, like everything else about vampires, inhuman. When Carlisle calls Billy on the phone, Billy immediately recognized the voice as somehow wrong, it’s too clear and sharp.

I mean, I think in part this is because their vocal cords aren’t made of soft human tissue anymore, but most likely stone. No matter what they’re made of, though, it’s no surprise that we’re not getting human voices out of them.

Their scent is appetizing to humans and other vampires alike, and serves a duel purpose. Humans are attracted to them (well, vampires are too), while vampires are able to use it for tracking purposes. It’s tremendously useful for keeping track of your territory, as randos can’t walk in and eat your food and sneak off again without leaving a trail. It’s also good for meeting up with friends, we see Carlisle and Siobhan use it for this purpose in Midnight Sun.

Circulation

The purpose of blood is to carry oxygen and nutrients to the cells. Apparently, this isn’t a need vampires have. All they need is venom. The theory that their tissue is porous adds to this, as it would mean blood travels through their body in a different manner. The porous tissue replaces circulation.

So, no circulation for vampires because they don’t need it.

This meta is now getting ridiculously long, so I’m putting the venom production section in the venom meta.

The transformation

The transformation is complete when the heart stops beating. The former human is now a vampire, and no longer reliant on a heartbeat, nor oxygen. In this they are different from hybrids.

As for the process itself, I think that as the venom spreads, it starts multiplying on its own. This is why it took longer for Carlisle than it did Bella, she was bitten and injected multiple times and on every part of her body while Carlisle was grazed on the arm. Bella had more venom that could work on her, Carlisle did not. These facts support my theory of the slow spread of venom.

I’ve played with the thought of the transformation happening in stages, where the first act is the spread of the venom, which then spreads throughout the body and heals the body to put it at default, the second act is the bodysculpting, and the third act the finishing touches. It doesn’t quite fit with venom transforming as it goes, though, so I’m very hm on that.

A few observations:

Activity level doesn’t appear to help spread the venom. Carlisle exerted himself, and his transformation took far more time than normal (though lying still instead of contorting in agony probably doesn’t help in that regard). Bella laid still as a corpse, and her transformation took far less time than normal. The venom spreads in its own time, regardless of what the blood circulation is up to.

Going by the accounts of the Cullens, while the pain is constant, the transformation hurts increasingly as the venom spreads.

Bella was severely injured, and needed to be healed before she could even feel all the pain. Her broken spine, for instance, meant she couldn’t feel below the waist.

Carlisle said it’s «easier if the blood is weak» (cryptic much?! Not making it easy for me, dude. Though as this was said in the context of Edward explaining that Carlisle would only turn someone already dying, I do think he’s referring to what it’s like for vampires, though, that humans are not so tempting if they’re half dead.)

Healing

Now we’re veering into the venom meta, but: the transformation fixes anything that could impede the vampire’s function. Bella would get nothing done with her post-birth broken body, and so she’s fixed up for her. Alice’s emaciation means she’s thin and less strong than others, it doesn’t physically prevent her from doing anything.

The venom, it appears, heals the human not because it’s being altruistic, nor to make the vampire more appealing to others, but to make the human into an ideal host. BUT MORE ON THAT IN THE VENOM META.

With that, my god we’re done. And this meta is  words in total, an ugly number.

Lastly, I know that putting a read more at the end of a 4k long meta is the worst joke in the world (RIP to you poor souls scrolling past this. My reason for not being a read more kind of gal to be found here)

Nothing yet, I’m afraid.

[simpz-art-stash]

Late beginnings

Summary: Mac goes out for a drink, and happens upon some advice he takes into consideration about his skewered relationship with Wukong. Before finally taking some action to mend the long burnt bridge. (Author’s note: I barely did any beta reading for this so if it’s worded strangely that’s just how I write without the normal filter on. I’m country so HOWDY) Next Page ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- The night was late, but he didn’t care, he might as well have been nocturnal with the way his whole life revolved around the whole stereotype of shadows and shit. He’d walked into a bar he’d passed through a few times before, donning his human disguise of course beforehand, and walked in without sparing anyone else a glance. Before planting his rear in one of the stools seated at the front bar, ordering a drink to get the night started. “I’m really looking forward to seeing that new Monkey King movie with the trailer they just released. You saw it too right?? The whole style of the film is on par with their most recent game- OH, you think they’re gonna make a game of it?? I bet you they wiiiill!~” Ugh, great, just what he’d come here to avoid.

Mac’s eyes glanced to the blabbermouth boasting about whatever new movie was being made about his ex, to see two girls residing a ways down near the other end of the bar a few seats away from him. Both looking to have had a fair night themselves already if any of the cups and plates hanging around their spot was anything to go by. “Probably. I hope it’s better than last game that came out on the Brick 360, the bugs in that thing were gross to deal with.” Their friend commented back. Before looking down at their phone and claiming that it was getting late and that they had to go. “Yeah I’ll see ya Monday!” The chick waved their friend off a lazy farewell after they’d paid their bill before going back to their drink, now taking less tedious sips as the mood seemed to smooth out from their conversation prior. “I see someone’s a pretty big fan of that ol’ man.” Macaque piped up from where he sat, earning the attention of the stranger he’d directed his comment towards. “The Monkey King yeah?” Sparks danced in the chick’s eyes at the recognition of the name, before the stranger perked up and beamed a smile back at him, “You betcha! I’m a total nerd for that legend.” ‘A legend, hah.’ “S’the whole reason I moved to China in the first place.” She jabbed a thumb at her chest, “All the way from America!” Mac whistled, “That’s a pretty far leap to take, even for a legend. What, you hopin’ you’ll get the chance to see em’ or somethin’?” He sneered, taking his glass and lazily swirling it in his hand. “I wish!” She laughed, “Nah I mostly just moved here for work. If anything though it’s cuz a them for where I am now. I’d never even heard of him till about five years ago!” Mac blinked, lowering his drink from his lips, “You’re joking…”

“Not at all! No one hardly knows the story back home. Only reason I found out was cuz I just started gettin’ into anything monkey-related as a hobby.” She pointed at him, “Don’t laugh either, it’s a wildly popular standpoint to have these days online.” Mac quirked a brow at that, he’d hardly touched the internet these days save for whenever he needed some quick info on something he couldn’t find elsewhere. He held his hands up, “Hey I ain’t judging…” He smirked a little to betray the look that he totally was though. It was kinda funny how ironic it was him being there right then. She squinted at him, “Anyways...Yeah, I’d seen stuff of him online, but I’d never paid much attention to it up until recently.” “What made you change your mind?” Mac boredly probed, taking a sip. She simply shrugged, “I was in a dark headspace, guy made me laugh.” He paused, “Wait, seriously??” “I mean have you HEARD half the crazy shit he’s done??” ‘Babe I’ve LIVED through half the shit he’s done.’ “Like, literally, the guy is HILARIOUS. My favorite story out of them all being one where he literally tricked THREE taoist immortals into drinking his own piss!!” She burst out laughing while Mac choked on his drink a little, not having expected to hear that of all things. Sure he’d heard a few of the shenanigan’s his peaches had gotten up to throughout his journey to the west but he’d never heard that one before. Nor had he the patience to read through all that mess of context that had been published either. “Ahhh man, it still gets me…” The chick sighed with a few leftover laughs as she wiped a tear from her eye. “What about you? What’s your favorite story?” She asked. And suddenly Mac felt like he’d been put on the spot as he stared back at her. “Come ooon, surely there’s one that’s gotten your gut rolling.” She pried. ‘Plenty, but there ain’t no way in hell I’d tell a soul.’ “Bahh...there ain’t the first one that comes to mind that I’d like. Honestly I’m not even much of a fan.” He waved his hand dismissively. “Whaaat?? Aw come on! There’s tons of cool n’ funny stories!” “Heh..can’t imagine what you find so charming about a guy who’s too good for his own friends.” Mac spitefully twacked himself mentally for spewing something so personal like that out. Ugh, and he hadn’t even finished half his drink yet… The chick sitting to his left seemed to tilt her head a little before she squinted at him. Her silence being what brought his attention from his drink to her as he blinked back with a quirked brow. “What?” “Your eyes, they’re like raging storm clouds.” She pointed out. He blinked, not really sure how to feel about that. The only one who’d ever really pointed that out to him before was… “...So?” “Nothing!...” She shrugged, turning back away towards her own drink as if no conversation at all had happened between them. Whatever...he had his fill of shit to drink to either way. The night might’ve been late but he was just getting started. “He makes me laugh though.” She pointed out, earning her a glance. “All his stories n’ stuff. If there was ever a man I’d want, it’d be one who could always make me laugh.” “Hmph, not one for strength?” He took a long sip. Ignoring the bitterness of others fawning over someone he’d come to love before he’d gotten so popular. “Strength is fine n’ all, but it can only take a relationship so far..you gotta have more pieces to put in that crockpot of a relationship if you wanna make it taste good. Stuff like patience, honesty, a little bit of everything to help it all come together to make it juuuuust right.” “Hm…” “It can’t be all just you putting the stuff in there either, it’s gotta be a contribution from both gardens. Otherwise you’ll just barren your lands and be left with nothing to spare yourself or others in your life with.” She glanced at Mac, “Relationships are tricky like that, but they should always be a 50/50 split~” She winked. That...actually sounded like pretty sound advice. Something he’d heard a little here and there before but never so simply laid out. Though it made sense from his standpoint, fairness n’ all that. But he’d been that way with Wukong before and it had never worked out, all the bickering and such, so what had gone wrong? “Can I...ask you something?” Mac inquired. “Shoot.” “What’re your thoughts on..a relationship that seemed fine, but then the other changed so much that everything about it fell apart?” “Mmm...care to sprinkle in a lil more context?” The chick eyed him. Mac’s face scrunched up a little, no idea why he was asking some random mortal for relationship advice of all things. “Hey man. We’re both probably never gonna meet again after tonight, so if you’ve got skeletons in your closet, your best place to let em’ out is here. Bartenders are known for being the most well kept secret keepers in all the world after all~” She winked at the bartender in question who simply looked the other way with a look that might’ve suggested such a fact as truth. “Hm…” Ah screw it, “Alright alright…” He sighed and put his drink down, “There’s..someone. We used to be real close, we were strong together but then uh..shit got real and he had to go deal with it. But when he came back he uh, wasn’t the same as before, an I might’ve sorta assumed he was cheating on me so…so we kinda fell out.” The chick nodded, “Ahh..the classic misunderstanding of change and cheating, a tale as old as time.” She seemed to hum a moment before she turned from where she was seated, if not to hop down off her stool and plop down on the one right up next to him. “Uh-” “Shhh, lemme see those eyes.” She squinted, leaning in and staring deep into his. It’d would’ve been really unnerving if she hadn’t said anything about them before, now he was a lil put off that he might’ve been asking a witch of all things for advice… “Right. Well, at least you feel bad about it. So there’s that.” He blinked and his brows furrowed, “Wh- of course I feel bad about it, it was his fault-” He suddenly had a finger pressed to his lips. “Nope! Nooononono, you do not get to throw all the blame elsewhere like that sweetheart. There ain’t no way in hell you’re gettin’ a second chance with them if you keep that up.” She pulled her hands back. His face scrunched up and he found himself crossing his arms, if he had his tail out it would’ve been irritably swaying behind him right then at just how annoyed he was getting at this weird lady and her words. “Oh yeah? An what do you think’s best then huh?” “I dunno if you’d be up for that kinda challenge…” She idly fiddled with an imaginative piece of lint off her sleeve, which only seemed to irritate Mac further at the thought of him not being able to handle Wukong of all people. Like sure he’d gotten his ass handed to him before but he could still hold his own! “Try me.” The chick glanced back at him with a smirk, which caught him off guard for a second before he shot her a glare back. “Alright, but it’s definitely not gonna be as quick or easygoing of a recovery as you might hope it’ll be. Nor is there even a chance of you recovering it in the first place. But, you at least got that spark enough to try so who am I to deny?” ‘Hmpt, dam right I got a spark.’

“First of all, no more blaming, if you’re gonna tackle this properly, you gotta do yourselves a favor an quit it with the blame placing. Sure it’s easy, but it ain’t gonna get you nowhere but back to square one. It’s all in the past, the now is now. So push forward to fix it and put it behind you two so you can focus on the more important things.” “Easier said than done…” “Hey man, even if they don’t follow the same ruleset at first you could always work things out to make it one later on. I’m just tellin’ ya right now so you won’t just go diggin’ yourself a deeper hole.” Honestly at this point he was pretty much six feet down under, death to him would’ve been a mercy right then. “Fine…” He rolled his eyes. “Next up, apologizing…” -----------~----------- “I thought I told you to stay off my island.” Mac didn’t really glance back from where he stood high up on one of the breathtaking ledges that which Flower Fruit Mountain bolstered. His arms crossed, eyes sternly held against the leftover warmth of the late afternoon sun as it shifted the skies hues from blue to blood red. Hopefully that would be the only tinge of red the Mountain would see after today. “I know.” “What, no witty remark? Give me one good reason-” “I just wanted to talk.” Mac stated plainly. “Why the hell should I give you the chance?” “...” Mac wasn’t sure if he could come up with a good enough reason after the shitshow he’d caused him the last few centuries, most recent being his spat with him between MK. “I’m sorry.” That seemed to catch the king off guard, as he paused in his vicious glare to stare at the other. “Excuse me??” “I’m.Sorry.” Mac turned finally to Wukong, that look of fiery malice having softened immensely upon meeting their eyes. “I was wrong for what I did and I’m sorry.” Wukong’s face looked like it had had a stroke with how frozen in place it was, almost like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Hurting everyone around you just to get back at you, I was wrong for doing that. And I just wanted to apologize.” Mac’s face twisted a little, the words coming out a little rougher than he’d liked, but he’d managed to get three steps in so far… “If you think a few sorry’s are gonna be enough to make up for all that crap then you gotta nother’ thing comin Mac.” Wukong finally shook off the surprise and crossed his arms with a steely gaze. “Nah I know they ain’t worth shit with as long as it's been...which it’s been..a really, really long time come to think of it..nearly 3000 years…” Fucking yikes. “What’s your point?...” Wukong raised a brow at him. “My point is...my point..” What was his point? To make amends and hope they’d get back together? To go back to the way things were? That couldn’t be done with the way things were now. Wukong had a successor, a moral compass, a lotta shit that Mac didn’t. A lotta shit that he wanted but never could figure out how to get his own. His face scrunched up a little and he sighed, “I..just wanted to make things right.” “Oh-hoh? After so long you finally decided to admit you were at fault? Sorry Mac, but it’s waaaay too late for that.” Wukong huffed, “Honestly, this is probably just another one of your stupid tricks if anything. The old Macaque would never throw himself down like that.” “Well maybe I’ve changed!” Mac exclaimed suddenly, his temper flaring a bit as his eyes flashed lightning. “3000 years later? As if…” Wukong rolled his eyes and turned away, “You’ve still got that same look in your eyes you always do whenever we fight. Do me a favor and just keep away from the hot springs this time yeah? The last time you were here you sent a whole dam boulder over there and smashed half the pools.” He waved his hand dismissively. “And I happen to take my once a month bath’s very seriously.” Mac’s nostrils flared a little at just how flamboyant Wukong was acting towards him and his attempt to make amends. How he just saw his attempt as a joke and nothing more, it pissed him off. Wukong had changed and everyone had accepted him, well not everyone, but still, why couldn’t the same be for him? Had he really fooled himself into believing that there was a chance he and Wukong could be together again? His shoulders slumped a little. Of course, who was he kidding. A 3000 year old pit of grudges wasn’t about to just up and disappear at the wave of a white flag. This was Wukong, the same guy who still playfully pestered the gods and demons around him for past conflicts that had happened between them. -----------~----------- “But you can’t just go, ‘ooo I’m so sorry for what I did.’ Nah, you gotta follow the five steps.” The chick claimed. “Yeesh, this a learning course now?” Mac tilted his head to the side. “It is if you wanna make things right.” She claimed matter a factly. “The five steps have never failed me before and have worked wonders for any an all my relationships. Might not quite have the same range of effect you’re going for but it’ll at least be a good start.” “Heh, you got the guts to back up that case?” Mac sneered. “I will if you don’t manage to screw it up.” The chick pointed out. “The five steps go as follows.” - express sorrow (I’m sorry) - own guilt (I was wrong) - name specific wrongs (I did X) - name impact (I hurt you) “And finally...” -----------~----------- “What can I do to prove myself to you?” Macaque asked finally. “What can I do to at least make it to where we can..not fight anymore..and just talk?...” Wukong stood there for a long moment, his features unreadable as their silence was muffled by the wind bellowing between them both from being so high up. “You really are serious about this aren’t you?...” Wukong’s head shifted ever so slightly, but not enough to where Mac could get a reading on his emotions. “I’m tired of fighting and waiting and thinking that if enough time passes things’ll go back to the way they were...when they never will. Trying to hurt you isn’t gonna make the old you come back, no matter how many times you beat me down...It’ll never be the same.” Mac admitted finally. A quiet gust settled down between them, before Wukong seemed to let out a dry chuckle and shook his head. “Can’t believe it took me 3000 years to beat the sense into you.” He turned and looked back at the other, where he no longer held a look of seething hate, but more akin to that of the same tired look just as the one Mac wore. Mac felt a sliver of guilt wriggle its way into one of the cracks of his heart and he glanced away, pulling a hand back and scratching his head. “Yeah well...your kid hit me pretty hard last time, enough to knock it in place.” A small smile crept a little onto his face. “Hm~ He’s gettin’ pretty good at hittin’ stuff with that old stick.” Wukong’s eyes glinted a little at the appeal of how proud he was for MK having taken Mac out the way he did. A little over the top and flashy, just like him.” “He’s got a pretty strong master to thank for that…” Mac found himself yearning a little for that same glint to be reflected on his memory the same way as MK’s. Not that he couldn’t see himself holding the same appeal for MK the way Wukong did, kid was strong, just a lil desperate in some of the cracks that shaped his outline. Something Macaque found that was easy enough to take advantage of, and something Wukong held a blind eye to. “Hm.” Wukong’s reply pushed him out of those thoughts for the moment as they shared a brief look between one another. A glimmer of reconsideration flashing between the two before Wukong finally turned his head away to drink in the sunset before them. “One chance.” Mac felt his heart nearly stop at that answer. “I’ll give you one chance, but if you screw this up, don’t even think about showing your face to me again.” Wukong replied, “I mean it this time…” Mac swallowed a little and nodded. Anything, he’d be willing to do anything to gain back what little trust he could from Wukong. “Good...you can start making up for it by apologizing to MK.” Mac blinked and sputtered a little as Wukong turned away and began to make his way back down the mountain. A smile playing on his lips while Macaque groaned to the heavens about his next trial.

[egelantier]

Tian Guan Ci Fu

where is it and what is it

it’s a chinese webnovel by mxtx, the same author who did untamed; it exists as a webnovel, finished and kindly translated here, the manhwa, the donghua (animated adaptation) happening right now, and there’s a live action adaptation in plans, directed by the same guy who did untamed. the donghua is gorgeous, the adaptation i’m unsure about but prepared to be hopeful, the manhwa seems to be very pretty. but all the adaptations only cover the very beginning of the novel for now, so i went ahead and read the novel, and i have no regrets. it helps that the translation is very good - not without awkward translatorese, but it has consistent and engaging flow and style, and it’s also pretty good at conveying mxtx’s humor without awkwardness. it reads pretty well.

what’s it about?

the world is split into two parts: mortals and various ghosts and demons and entities share the land, while ‘heaven officials’, aka gods, live in the heavenly kingdom in the sky. pretty much anybody can become a god if they do something really heroic or memorable and/or cultivate (meditation, training, virtuous behavior) really hard. when above, the gods rule their domains and fulfill their believers’ wishes; they work sort of like pratchettian gods, dependent on their followers’ beliefs and getting influenced by them. heavens are strictly hierarchical, with their own economy and pecking order, and the gods aren’t particularly sinless or benevolent; mostly it’s a question of scale.

our hero, xie lian, is a prince of a prosperous kingdom who’s been on a fast track to ascension for most of his very short life; he’s talented, he’s virtuous, he’s kind, he’s strong, and his only peculiar flaw is (somehow naive, but well-meaning) obsession with equality and value of human lives and so on. he becomes a god, unexpectedly, at seventeen, after slaying one especially dangerous god, and rises in heaven at the peak of his faith, influence and happiness.

…and then he finds out about drought and incipient trouble in his own kingdom, and, being a young and righteous god too close to his mortality, eschews heavens and returns to save everybody. it, to put it lightly, does not go well. at all. in fact, it goes catastrophically wrong, and, having lost everything, xie lian ascends again, only to get into a fight with the heavenly emperor, and get banished again, this time for good. he roams the mortal lands for next eight hundred of very lonely, luckless and hard years, technically immortal but not invincible, with his powers and his luck stripped away, and leans to make do, eking out a living as a scrap collector. his temples are desecrated, his name is forgotten, his kingdom is long gone, and - well. so it goes.

so it goes! until one day, to everybody’s great surprise, he ascends once again: a humble, gentle, immune to embarrassment, unflappable man, an embarrassment to heavens, a 'laughingstock of three realms’ who just wants to be left well enough alone. he’s Tired.

instead of rest, he gets sent to investigate a dangerous ghost stealing brides who pass through its mountain, and there, during the course of the interrogation, has his first (he thinks) meeting with a terrifying, old-powerful and vengeful ghost king named hua cheng, who likes to terrorize heavens from time to time. but said ghost king seems to be very benevolent and very interested in helping xie lian, and xie lian is pretty instantly smitten… with knowing what’s the cause of such interest.

…and meanwhile, in the beginning, there'was an unlucky boy, born under the worst stars, whom xie lian saved from falling once, while still mortal, and promptly lost track of. a lot of things happened to this boy, who wanted to be the most devoted worshipper to xie lian the god of the sword and the flower. as one does, you know.

that’s the beginning! from there on: investigations, heavenly secrets, old friends and enemies and acquaintances, thematic parallels, old tragedies, more pining than you can shake a stick at, grand acts of love.

is it good?

it’s very, very good. it’s the first fantasy cnovel i read (aside from the hilarious one about a guy traveling back in his own timeline and becoming a sugar baby to a mafia boss, which was in a very different league), so i don’t know which things are baseline and which things are unique, but it had a very solid foundation: ambitious multilevel, multi-timeline plot coming together in the end both events- and emotions-wise, beautifully iddy main relationship, maybe multifaceted characters who change and grow and clash together in fun ways, a clear and heartfelt understanding of its own core themes.

it’s also, unexpectedly, very funny, in this visual, slapsticky, begs-to-be-adapted way - i found myself laughing out loud over it a lot of times, and it possesses this gift of swerve between understated but earnest emotions and all-out jokes that i associate with… a bit of prattchett and a bit of gintama, honestly. take it as you will.

(oh my god the mecha. i will laugh over this one until i die.)

it also made me cry several times; granted, it’s not like it’s this time, but those were very heartfelt tears.

and the main duo?

first let me say that xie lian was lifted out, wholesale, out of my deepest character preferences. he fell really, really far, and did some bad things, and some very horrible things were done to him, and by the time we meet him he went through everything and achieved this effortless kind of traumatized, humble, accepting, wryly self-deprecating, utterly competent chill that makes a character incredibly appealing to me. he’s kind, and he’s sweet, and he’s gotten any possible embarrassment at least a couple of centuries ago, and he kinda made peace with himself and kinda didn’t. i love him.

and, thankfully for me, hua cheng, the ghost king, loves him a whole damn lot, a ridiculous amount, an epic, over-the-lifetimes, life-shattering amount, and he’s a terrifying presence to everybody else and a shy, protective, sweet dork to xie lian, and every time they’re together on page my entire heart is just. it’s AMAZING. he’s a great combination of playing the obsessive protective yandere stalker-lover trope straight and putting it on its head, by making hua cheng not just revere but respect xie lian, in all his good and bad decisions.

they are just so - good for each other, holy shit. they get each other so well. they’re the best ever power team. i love them.

(the rest of canon is various character reenacting “really? in front of my salad?” meme at them. it’s hysterical, and it’s the best. everybody teams up to tell xie lian that his boyfriend is Problematic way, way before xie lian clues into the fact that he does have a boyfriend, and he’s having none of it. i love it.)

and the themes?

okay, so. roughly half of this novel is ridiculous iddy pining, and a fourth of it is various tropes (off the top of my head: soulbond, sex pollen, body switch, de-age, various shades of identity porn… crossdressing…) played very shamelessly. but it also really benefits from having an overarching set of ethical questions, and while it deals with them a bit shounen-style, it still deals with them, and it makes the whole text fresh, and sweet, and bold.

is it possible to save everybody? should you try to save everybody? if you lack the powers to back your convictions, does it make you complicit? when is it possible to stop the cycle of suffering, what can you do if you want to but can’t? if you tried and people you failed turned on you, whose fault it is, where does the blame stop?

Detailed spoilers begin from here, and i would REALLY advise to stay unspoiled, because the domino reveals are very fun

i loved the various ways the novel sets all those pieces up and then overturns them and then returns to them. xie lian wanted to save everybody and it was arrogant naivete of an untried, untested, privileged young man who never had a real challenge before; his presence made things escalate quicker, and yet everybody around him pretended it was his attempt to make things better that ruined everything, and not a combination of factors outside of his control. and yet he accepts the blame, because it dovetails with his shame at not having enough powers to back his intent up; and yet his triumph over bai wuxian is that he doesn’t, after all, renege on his initial drive to help people.

my most favorite part of this novel is that its turning point, the lynchpin of the whole novel, the moment that keeps xie lian’s soul and safety intact, is not his personal purity and drive; it’s not even hua cheng’s devotion and sacrificial love. it’s just a moment of little, grudging, human kindness from a little, petty, rude man whom the history will sweep away soon. the bamboo hat in the rain. the rest of the plot keeps twisting and turning and coming back to itself, but this? this was unquestionably, beautifully clear, and i loved it. it’s never about the gods, it’s all down to - fallen human is human, ascended human is human, and human is not some state, virtuous or sinful, you get stuck with - it’s a multitude of choices, and there’s never a final one.

and incoherent spoilery screaming for people who read it already

oh my god i had SO MUCH FUN. i’ve been flailing on meme for days, because somebody just finished reading there too, and i’m still bursting with ALL THE FEELS. ruoye origins oh my god! that hat! jin wu’s backstory and ultimate end! e-ming’s praise kink! pei ming’s little shippery 'hoho’! hua cheng’s horribly handwritten stick and poke tattoo of xie lian’s name! the lanteeeeeeeeeeeeerns. feng xin and mu qing on the bridge, making up with each other and with xie lian! hua cheng trying to explain to xie lian that his habit of using himself as bait and pincushion at any given moment is deeply emotionally upsetting to him, and succeeding! banyue’s learning from xie lian to be a truly horrible cook! the entire deal with shi qingxuan and he xuan and the wind fan in the end. THE CAVE. THE GIANT MECHA. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa and aaaaaaaaaaaaa and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa and i am beset, beset by feelings. come scream with me.

[vexing-imogen]

death of a gentleman 1/5

Babenon Dosal has had many thoughts about his own death over the years. He has long since learned not to fear it. Death is inevitable, an early death even more so in his profession. In fact, to have lived as long and become as well established as he has is somewhat of a miracle. Still, he is not immortal, and he’s always known his death would come eventually.

He never expected to go to it willingly.

He walks into the Crow’s Nest unchallenged. The barkeep smirks when they see him, opens the trapdoor behind the bar without a single word. Ashar is expecting him, then. Good.

He passes no less than a dozen of Ashar’s men as he descends the stairs, none of whom make a move to relieve him of his weapons (a scimitar from his Revelry days on his hip, the blade coated with poison. a pistol in his left hand, fully loaded.). They know his reputation, think he’s far too clever to gamble his life on such heavy odds. They don’t realize he doesn’t plan on walking out of here.

Desmond Ashar is the sole occupant of his underground bar, lording over his space with a lazy confidence. Cold blue eyes meet Babenon’s from across the room, his dimpled smile almost masking his hatred. The man is fairly new to his position of power within the Myriad, only half a dozen years under his belt. His youth and inexperience are only outmatched by his cruelty and blind ambition.

“Babenon Dosal,” he says, voice heavy with false cheer. “To what do we owe the pleasure?”

He keeps his face impassive, his voice flat. “Let her go.”

Ashar frowns, cocks his head to the side. “I’m afraid you’ll have to be more specific, friend.”

The cocking of his gun echoes through the empty room. His voice and expression remain unchanged. “Let. Her. Go.”

Ashar has the gall to laugh. “You’ve managed to jog my memory, Dosal,” he says. “Let’s negotiate, then. What can you offer me that might be worth your little gem’s freedom?”

“Me.”

Ashar’s careful façade drops along with his jaw. He’d been expecting the usual; information, money, threats. “I don’t understand...”

Babenon allows himself a smirk at the man’s expense. “My life for hers, Desmond,” he says. “Those are my terms. She goes free, and I’ll be yours to do with whatever you wish. But, it’s a limited time offer,” he says, aiming his pistol at the man’s forehead. “So, I suggest you act fast. Friend.”

Ashar considers him for a moment, licks his lips, then nods to one of the men that’s been slowly trickling in behind Babenon. “Very well,” he says. “We have a deal, Dosal. The lady goes free, and you stay.” He chuckles. “I’ll admit, you’ve surprised me. I didn’t quite believe the Jagentoth boy when he said you’d gone soft for some whore.”

He refuses to rise to the bait, determined to keep things civil until Marion is out of harm’s way. His resolve is tested when she’s brought out in manacles, sporting a split lip and a gash above one eye. He keeps his pistol trained on Ashar, even as she runs to him and sinks into his embrace.

“Did they hurt you?” he whispers in Infernal, kissing the top of her head.

She shakes her head. “Only when they abducted me,” she says. “I think...I think they were waiting for you. To make you...watch.”

He has to bite back a snarl. “You’re free to go,” he murmurs, holding her closer, breathing her in for the last time. “Jester and Fjord are waiting outside. They’ll get you home safely.”

“What about you?” she asks softly. More insistent when he doesn’t respond. “Babenon, what about you?”

He brings his free hand up to stroke her cheek, tries to smile. “I think it’s high time I pay the piper.” He watches the realization dawn. Her heart break. “I’m sorry, love. One more broken promise.”

“No!” she cries. “You can’t leave me again.”

But he has to. It’s the only way he can keep them safe. “I’m sorry.”

She grabs him by the collar and kisses him, fierce and punishing. “I love you. I never stopped.”

“Neither did I,” he admits. “Now go. They won’t wait forever.”

He listens for the trapdoor to close behind her, waits for the fainter sound of the tavern door closing. He counts to ten, just in case, and then he fires his first shot.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jester spies her mama first as she steps out of the tavern and into the evening rain. She calls out to her, sprinting out of the alley to meet her in the middle of the street. She hugs her tight, a few tears escaping down her cheeks.

“Are you okay, Mama?” she asks. “Did they hurt you? Oh my god, we were so worried.”

“I’m not hurt,” Marion says, and there’s something off about her voice. The way she didn’t really answer Jester’s first question.

“Mama,” she whispers, her heart sinking with every passing minute, “where’s Dad?”

Marion’s only answer is a broken sob, and Jester’s tears start falling freely. “No. Nononononono...”

She sends her dad a message, praying the entire time that it gets through to him. “Dad, is everything okay? Where are you? Why is Mama crying? Do you need me to come help? Please answer me. Please, please, please.”

It takes a minute, but his strained response finally comes through. “Don’t worry about me, just get somewhere safe. Jester, I love you. And I’m so-”

His message cuts off, and she screams. Desperately tries to contact him again. “Dad? Dad are you there?”

There’s no answer, so she tries again. Keeps trying until she’s run out of spells, and is on the verge of fainting with exhaustion. She doesn’t get another answer.

She’s vaguely aware of Fjord, his arms around her and her mama, keeping them both from collapsing. “Jester,” his voice is soft, concerned. “what happened?”

She hiccups through her tears. “I think...I think my dad is dead.”

[heraldofzaun]

what are your thoughts on viktor and being neurodivergent? though like, obligatory disclaimer that if riot ever did come out and say that "hey! viktor is canonically [something]" that would be catastrophic but i think it is a little bit of fun for consideration

Oh! Well I like to think he's autistic, which is partially because I am too. (Of course in canon it would be catastrophic because haha, oh man, look at how they've treated Blitzcrank's biographies ever since they gave him an updated one. There's some coding in there, alright, and I am... not a fan...)

I’ve posted a lot of long posts recently (this is no exception) and this is also on a kind of tricky subject, so I’m readmore’ing it.

So anyways, while I have to admit that some of the reason why (my) Viktor is autistic is because I am - I think that you can make a general semi-convincing argument. Or I'm so wrapped up in my own interpretations that I can, at the least. Anyways, from here on out when I say Viktor I mean my personal take. Your mileage may vary on applying this to other interpretations.

(Also, thoughts on new lore Jayce's being kind of coded to be like, a stereotypical autistic dude? (If you have any I mean.) I don't like that Riot is doing it, of course, but I've seen a few good rehabilitative takes on it in fandom. @hamartio's Jayce springs to mind, because their Jayce has been developed over the years and also written by someone who like. Cares. Anyways, I have my own personal Jayce ideas that rely on his old lore so he's not really an asshole there, at least in those regards, so I don't really have many thoughts on new Jayce. I think new Viktor is... pretty coded as well, but it’s also insanely stereotypical. The whole “always working, always wants certainty, gets into automation not because he (primarily) wants to help those injured by catastrophes in Zaun but because the catastrophes interrupt his work” thing makes me uncomfortable. Maybe I’ll write sometime on why the rewrite of his lore fails, in my opinion, to hit upon the same themes of his first - would that be of interest to folks? Anyways, this parenthetical is too long.)

I think that autistic Viktor is cool and makes sense, somewhat because of the fact that the ways he goes about solving his problems are, er, unorthodox. (Of course I am not saying that the GE is because he’s autistic, because that’s stupid. This is why I’m kind of squirrely about talking so openly about what I think Viktor’s got going on, and why I don’t really trust if a non-autistic person headcanons him as autistic. There’s a lot of room for that headcanon to just reinforce the “autistic people are supergeniuses with no emotions that work based off of Facts and Logic” trope, and I hate that.) Since a lot of autism is about feeling adrift from/at odds with neurotypical society, I think that Viktor’s general solutions and also his idealistic leanings in the face of everything Zaun is tracks for that. Roboticization makes sense as a way to stop suffering and death, because it’s more achievable than individual feats of immortality through magic or whatever. Viktor doesn’t really get why people would be so opposed to it - he’s made it clear that while he dislikes his own emotions and wants them gone, he doesn’t expect others to cast off theirs. (Maybe he expected that when he was in the thick of his emotional pain, mostly because he couldn’t imagine others choosing differently than he at the time, but not in the current day.)

Of course, externally, when the scary cyborg man who admits to cutting off his own limbs says “no, being a robot is cool, you can keep your emotions even”, any Zaunite (or any person) is going to interpret that as “he is definitely lying”. Viktor doesn’t quite make that leap. (I have thoughts on the whole Theory of Mind concept and I don’t mean to say that Viktor can’t empathize - he does, and does too much - with others, but I think that in this instance he just can’t quite understand sometimes why people don’t believe him.) He also doesn’t quite get why people would be so attached to the bodies that they’re currently in, especially if he can make a mechanical replica. Or why people might want to die and pass into non-existence after a life well lived. (To him, personally, there’s always more to do. Also he’s terrified of death but that’s another topic.)

I also think that Viktor’s empathy is of the hyper- rather than hypo- kind, partially because I feel like outside of self-advocacy groups the mere concept of autistic hyperempathy is seen as like... impossible? It’s also because he generally seems to be kind of an emotional guy in canon before Stanwick, what with the lore saying that “almost no trace of the original man remained” in reference to Viktor reemerging as someone without emotions. That, combined with the fact that he was described as having a “hope to better society” before everything went down, kind of makes me believe that he was a naive idealist type. (Again, not that autism makes you naive, but...) But yes, hyperempathy. Hence "no pain, no wars, no suffering, no death” being part of his ideology for the Glorious Evolution. He gets pretty ripped up about people being hurt, and it’s really only gotten worse over the years as he’s grasped the full scope of pain in the world.

Personally, I write pre-Stanwick-incident Viktor as someone who is still somewhat awkward with expressing emotion, but it’s not due to him not having them. It’s due to the fact that the ways in which he naturally expressed them and in which he interacted with the world were just... seen as odd/different/etc. (I don’t think Runeterra has an autism diagnosis or particularly excellent psychology, even in Piltover and Zaun, so he just gets the “you’re a weird dude” treatment for his entire life.) Stimming or smiling a certain way or talking a lot about his interests or, you know, the general autistic existence is weird to most people around him, as it unfortunately is in real life. So he’s more reserved until you actually know him, because he’s just masking all the time. (Fun fact about my Viktor: he’s pretty expressive under that actual mask of his. It helps to not have to micromanage expressions all the time when he isn’t experiencing a bout of flat affect due to [gestures vaguely at everything else going on with his mental state], although he sometimes feels poorly about not being able to manage himself. But that’s his issues, and I think it’s good for him to show emotion.)

Side note - Stanwick was able to do such a number on Viktor due to: a) Stanwick being very charismatic and manipulative, on top of being an actually smart man and scientist - he’s really a great example of a “good Zaunite”, in the sense of being good at being what the culture rewards, b) Viktor actively dealing with the death of his parents and Stanwick being an older adult who’d treated him kindly and had never seemed put-off by Viktor’s oddities, and c) Viktor not realizing that he’d get backstabbed, because yes he knows that that happens in academia but Stanwick’s nice. Whether or not the outcomes would have been the same if Viktor were more competent at being “a good Zaunite”... well, probably not. Viktor ended up where he did because of who he is.

(Secondary side note: Viktor has a very strong and very black-and-white sense of what’s right and wrong, as well as general black-and-white thinking. You can see how that would have... not helped in the situations he was put through.)

This is getting kind of rambling, but I guess the point of this is that Viktor’s wanting to remove his emotions may be cloaked in the language of them being “inefficient” or “unhelpful”, which would feed into autistic stereotypes, but it’s really more of a matter of them being too painful and raw for him to process. He feels too much and hurts too much, and no amount of positive emotions in the world will (in his mind) make up for the pain he’s felt and will feel. So it’s better to not feel anything at all, isn’t it? At least then you aren’t overwhelmed by it all.

Viktor just hasn’t fit in with Zaun for all his life, really. Not as an odd child who can tell you all about science-fiction and techmaturgy, not as an odd and reserved teenager/young adult, not as a bright young doctoral student still dealing with grief but trying to make the best of it, and... not as the Machine Herald. But now he’s given up on trying to fit in, for better or for worse.

(Other miscellaneous and less serious autistic thoughts on him: generally a pretty fixed diet, partially due to being autistic but also due to what’s easily available in Zaun + what agrees with his stomach. A fan of weight and pressure - I like to think that the reason his outfit is like that is that he finds it comforting, and also that he has a weighted blanket or two around. Special interests of general techmaturgy, robotics, and science-fiction. He can talk for hours about any of those, and has. Both his parents were mildly spectrum-y, his mother a little bit moreso, so they just kinda assumed that him being him was out-of-the-ordinary and a bit strange but not something “horribly wrong”. Oh! And his third arm, which is under a little less conscious control than the rest of him, still stims sometimes when he’s working or otherwise not paying attention to it.)

This was very long and jumped around a lot, because I find it hard to give a convincing paragraph-by-paragraph argument about exactly why I think that Viktor is autistic, or rather why I headcanon him as such. But hopefully it was interesting! I just have a lot of thoughts on him, as well as the general state of autistic-coded or perceived-as-autistic-by-individuals (both allistic and autistic) characters in media and so it’s very hard to do anything concise without branching out into discussing other topics.

[tossawary]

Chapter 19: “Weddings and Funerals” of “pride is not the word I’m looking for” random favorite lines with commentary because I’m doing a re-read. Not a full list or full commentary. 

-

 When Shang Qinghua told Mobei-Jun that he didn’t need Shen Qingqiu assassinated, it wasn’t because he thought everything would somehow work out if he just sat back and didn’t do anything. It definitely wasn’t because he was planning a so-called “perfect murder” and didn’t want the demon lord messing up his plans. The Problem of Shen Qingqiu has always been a lot more  complicated than “just get rid of the guy potentially making my nephew’s life a living hell”. That’s why it’s a real problem! 

- 

AN: Shang Qinghua’s thought process: “Can this problem be solved by: 

A) Waiting for the problem to go away? 

B) Murder? 

C) None of the above? 

If the answer is C... 

Fuck, it’s a real problem.” 

- 

 Shang Qinghua thinks that might actually be possible, though he’d have to do some research and smack his head until his Author God memories hopped into line. He thinks that the youth-restoration procedure would probably do the job, but he also thinks that Shen Qingqiu would probably rather be dead than be physically sixteen again or something (super fucking understandable) and have to start the cultivation process over from scratch (ah, that would be so annoying and embarrassing). 

- 

AN: Given that I actually invented a de-aging potion for this fic (if one that’s difficult to put together), the AU of “Original Shen Qingqiu is physically 16 again” has been rattling around inside my head ever since I wrote these lines. Shen Qingqiu was like, “Wait, let me picture how unbearably overprotective Yue Qingyuan would be... hmm... no, I’ll just stay like this.” 

- 

 Luo Jiahui seems a little anxious about the empty spaces at the table, but she fills the space as best she can by chattering about assorted restaurant business. At least until she abruptly takes a deep breath and says, “Hua-Ge, I have something to tell you.” 

 Shang Qinghua freezes in the middle of taking a drink. His unhelpful brain immediately races to guess the worst possible conversational subjects. His sister-in-law has somehow figured out that he’s a transmigrator?! His sister-in-law has decided that her son is not going to the Demon Realm under any circumstances?! His sister-in-law knows Binghe better than he does and has realized that the young protagonist is being abused after all?! Oh,  fuck, what is it? 

 “I’m getting married!” Luo Jiahui announces, breathlessly. 

 “Oh,” Shang Qinghua says, heart rate going at the speed of sound. “Wait,  what?” 

- 

AN: This chapter is why I didn’t go into the details of LJH/LQG in the last chapter, immediately post-timeskip. I wanted to blindside everyone with an “Oh, it’s THAT serious?!” moment. The last chapter established that “SQH is handling things”, then this chapter establishes that, as the plot goes on, “SQH is only barely handling things”. Which helps prep the following breakdown with the System World Update in chapters 20-22. 

- 

 “You didn’t have any time for yourself,” Shang Qinghua agrees, following this conversation of very obvious things that he already knew so far. He didn’t have any time for himself back then either, between organizing a conference and finding a cure on top of the usual day-in-day-out of the sect. “You did a really good job looking after them all by yourself!” 

 “They don’t always agree with that,” Luo Jiahui says, smiling but self-deprecating. 

 “Aha, well, they’re young.” 

 The disagreements of what was best for the children is why Shang Qinghua really had to get Fanli (who didn’t see herself as a child) out of the house by any means necessary. He was at a bit of a loss at how else to help. She was never part of  Proud Immortal Demon Way! Not even as a fragment of backstory mentioned in passing! Shang Qinghua struggles to compensate for these extra people who were never characters sometimes. 

 “Qingge was very understanding,” Luo Jiahui says. “But… well… then Fanli was gone and I had the restaurant keeping me busy, but that was all my own choice… and what good was waiting really doing us? It didn’t have to be everything or nothing. So… we talked… about what we wanted and what- what we were afraid of… and we decided to go forward slowly.” 

- 

AN: I said in the Author’s Notes on AO3 that I was going to use Jiage to shame Moshang and Qijiu, and I meant it. TALK TO EACH OTHER!!! Shang Qinghua, you need to talk to Mobei-Jun about what you want! Shang Qinghua, you can’t keep putting things on hold because of the plot! 

- 

 No offense to either his sister-in-law or his junior martial brother, but aren’t love stories supposed to be a little more… fiery? 

 “When I was younger, I thought that falling in love was supposed to be all excitement and passion and not being able to live without someone even for a second,” Luo Jiahui admits, a little wistfully. “I thought that it was supposed to be thinking about them all the time, not being able to stay away from each other, and needing to know what they’d been doing every second they were away. It was like becoming a completely different person. I thought that being in love was about one of us getting horribly jealous every time we even talked to someone else, doing things I didn’t really understand and changing myself just to keep him happy, and keeping secrets and sneaking around just to keep things from exploding. Because love is not being able to help yourself like that, right?” 

 Shang Qinghua can’t really manage to speak right now. 

 It’s like someone has cut his fucking throat. 

 Which is fine! 

 “But that ended really badly for me,” Luo Jiahui says, with a nervous huff at her own understatement. “It was very exciting, but looking back, being in that kind of love was also very frightening sometimes… and it was a little lonely too… being in love with someone I couldn’t really talk to or trust.” 

-

AN: This is more specifically vagueing SVSSS Bingqiu than Moshang, but it’s also shaming Moshang too. Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky wrote some extremely messed-up romances and he would have said, “Yes! It’s all super messed-up! That’s kind of the point!” But it also means that the man can’t really conceptualize (at least at first) or articulate the kind of relationship he would actually be happy to have with Mobei-Jun, especially when his relationship with Mobei-Jun had such violent beginnings 

- 

 The first person he tells himself is, weirdly enough, Qi Qingqi. Liu Qingge apparently already told both Liu Mingyan and Luo Fanli before he left, so Shang Qinghua heads over to see how the girls are handling it. (Also, he wants to pump Liu Mingyan for information on her mother’s opinions on weddings and marriage, in a really pathetic attempt to ready himself for the rumble.) He makes her agree to keep the information to herself before telling and she does, like a bro! 

 And then he tells and she laughs in his fucking face! Eventually, she realizes that he’s looking for sympathy, he’s not just here to let her enjoy his suffering, as a form of payment after everything he and Liu Qingge have inflicted on her. Then she laughs at him again, even louder. 

 Sure, he’d laugh too if he was in her shoes! But not to her face! Rude! 

 - 

AN: Qi Qingqi also pointed while laughing, I think. It’s funny because it’s not her dealing with Liu Family shit this time. 

- 

 Shang Qinghua expected, this time last year, to be laser-focused on the plot! His attention was not going to stray even a little bit, he promised himself; he was going to be 110% dedicated to making sure that everyone he tripped into caring about made it through the least shitty version of  Proud Immortal Demon Way  possible. He was going to be a  machine  of a transmigrator! No distractions! All he wanted was for his family to make it through the quickest, least shitty bare bones of a plot! And he was going to  achieve, damn it! 

 Instead, he finds himself planning his sister-in-law’s wedding and it eats up time he didn’t fucking know he had to give. Immortal Alliance Conference, eat your fucking heart out! Cang Qiong Mountain Sect? Did he work there? Nope, he’s never heard of the place! He’s the Peak Lord of wedding planning now! 

- 

AN: This is me telling myself I’m going to get my life 100% together and then getting into a new video game and baking cookies instead. Or ditching my housecleaning plans to hang out with friends at a moment’s notice. 

- 

 At the wedding itself, Fanli tells her sister’s father-in-law that Binghe is also  very into birds and Shang Qinghua’s nephew spends a good chunk of the rest of the celebrations (and his precious time away from Qing Jing Peak) held hostage by his own politeness, listening to his new grandfather earnestly tell him about the various migration habits of demonic birds. 

 Well! Better him than Shang Qinghua, honestly! 

-

AN: Inspired by that time we went on vacation and one of my brothers got mistaken by one of our travelling companions for a budding serious birdwatcher instead of someone who just thinks they’re neat - and also likes to point at them and intentionally call them by the wrong name. 

Also, LQG’s Dad in this fic and SY would probably get along super well. 

LQG and his dad in this universe have gone out on month-long camping trips to in which they pretty much don’t talk the entire time. They stalk monsters through the wilderness and have a great time.

- 

 Shang Qinghua is too busy keeping an eye on Luo Fanli and being  not talked to by Liu Mingyan, who is eighteen-ish years old now he thinks and still deeply embarrassed by the fact that he told her off for her real person fiction. (He doesn’t want to discourage her passion for writing! She’s pretty good for a kid! It’s pretty cute! Everyone needs their escapist hobbies! He just doesn’t want identifying information about his family being spread around freely, even if the characterizations of the couple are… uh… wildly reimagined, and he doesn't want to have to spend his very valuable time keeping a lookout for more illicit fiction.) It’s difficult to read her expression through the ever-present veil, but… yeah, she’s still pissed off at him.

 Ugh, teenagers. 

 Binghe is not allowed to bring several hundred nieces-in-law into Shang Qinghua's life. Just... no. Fuck, no. 

 He doesn’t even get a date to commiserate about this with. 

 It’s a very small wedding, family only (Luo Jiahui’s shitty parents  don’t count  and her older brother was forced to decline the invitation), so that Luo Jiahui and Liu Qingge can keep their privacy. Madam Liu huffed about it - the battles in talking her down were both great and terrible - but her son stood his ground! Sure, people might whine someday about not being invited, but the great thing about Liu Qingge is that they can more or less just say,  “Well, we couldn’t stop him from doing whatever he wanted!”  And people just have to take that unless they want to claim they could take on the Bai Zhan Peak War God! 

- 

AN: Trying to imagine the AU in which SQH brought MBJ as his date to this wedding. SQH would’ve liked to be able to bring MBJ as a date, but alas, they are not dating and the groom would probably try to kill the man. 

- 

 Shang Qinghua is not expecting, soon after returning from his sister-in-law’s happy and long-awaited wedding, to be solemnly informed that Shen Qingqiu’s health has only really deteriorated these past months. Wow, that’s a huge downer. 

 Also, he already knew that? He’s been getting Mu Qingfang all the right supplies to treat their shixiong. He didn’t actually abandon his duties to the sect for a family wedding. He knew that Shen Qingqiu had fallen sufficiently ill to need tending on Qian Cao Peak in the past month and he considered it, well, convenient timing in regards to Binghe’s permission to attend his mother’s wedding not being randomly revoked. Cold-hearted, maybe! But he had lots of other things to worry about at the time, like informing Mobei-Jun that his sister-in-law was getting married and so he’d be regrettably absent to attend the wedding. 

 Then he’s told that Shen Qingqiu is not expected to improve this time. 

  “Oh, shit, they really think he’s dying,” Shang Qinghua realizes. 

 This really wasn’t in  Proud Immortal Demon Way. 

- 

AN: I seriously contemplated cutting this chapter in half because of this mood switch. Like, I went in intending on writing a serious mood switch, but in practice, wow. It felt like a lot more in practice. 

- 

 “Our sect leader asks about the boy and his progress,” Shen Qingqiu rasps, his voice turning more and more accusing. “He’s  so very  concerned about the boy. We can’t have such a beloved child  crying  to his devoted family that he’s been mistreated or neglected, can we? How flattering these assumptions are. It makes a man wonder what exactly people think he’s going to  do to the boy.” 

 Shang Qinghua might have an itemized list somewhere, honestly. 

 “Ah, I can’t speak for anyone else,” Shang Qinghua says finally. “But please don’t take it personally, Shen-Shixiong. I don’t really trust anyone. Anything can happen behind a locked door, you know?” 

 Some honest cynicism can go over well with the man. 

 Shen Qingqiu laughs bitterly now. 

- 

AN: It can be fun in media where Character A is like, “Ahhh, I hope no one discovers my secret!” And Character B is like, “So, about this extremely obvious thing that you’re doing...!” 

Shen Qingqiu is as honest and open as he is throughout this scene because he honestly thinks that he’s dying. He’s determined to be blithe about it. 

- 

Shang Qinghua at least gets to see Mu Qingfang’s face journey as Shen Qingqiu accuses their sect leader of letting him think that he’d left him to die. As Shen Qingqiu yells about being treated like an unwanted ghost, as a potential blackmailer, as an embarrassing disappointment, as a petty troublemaker, as a spoiled child, as a problem to be solved, and as the last blemish on Yue Qingyuan’s reputation - anything but as someone worthy of being trusted with Yue Qingyuan’s problems and of being treated like an equal friend. 

 Yue Qingyuan tries to explain that he didn’t think Shen Qingqiu wanted to hear his excuses, and Shen Qingqiu shoots back that he would rather fucking die than beg the man he’d thought had forgotten about him to explain when exactly he became not worth rescuing as soon as possible. 

 Yue Qingyuan tries to explain that he didn’t want Shen Qingqiu’s pity or to force the man to be grateful that he’d  tried. 

 Shen Qingqiu tells the man to go fuck himself. How could it not hurt for someone he loved to hurt him and then just…  move past the hurt  like the pain wasn’t  who they were? 

 “All the world could revile me… reject me… leave me to die… and I would pay their hatred no heed! What do they truly know of what I am? Of who I am?” Shen Qingqiu demands. “But if  Qi-Ge  could throw me away… decide that I just wasn’t worth the  trouble anymore now that he’d had a taste of a better life… then I really must be wretched beyond all things at the root! If he believed it, then… then it had to be true.” 

- 

AN: Because I just wrote a Qijiu confrontation over this exact thing, like, a few days before, I thought that I could get away with writing out this entire confrontation in full. I think it works better if the audience has to imagine some of it. And because SQH is the POV character, it felt right that he not be in the room and not be a full witness to this scene. He doesn’t get to see everything. 

[ajaxkinnie]

Lucifer Fluff A-Z

Words: 2701 (Huh?!)

Warnings: None

Notes: This is my first writing on Tumblr, and my very first piece for Obey Me! I’m just trying to understand these characters a little better, before I try anything more in-depth :)

Activities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

Naturally, Lucifer is a very busy demon, so he finds it difficult to get any free time - let alone free time that he could spend with his love. When he’s working, they’re more than welcome to sit in his office and study alongside him. They’ve been working through his entire collection of exotic teas, trying to figure out which ones suit each other’s personal tastes. He wouldn’t admit it to them, but he actually finds it a lot easier to concentrate when his love is with him. 

When he is lucky enough to have time away from his RAD duties, expect to be showered in attention. He likes to take you to see the sights in the Devildom, regardless of how tasteful he finds them. One of his favourite memories is of the time you visited the nearby museum. He couldn’t believe how simply cute you looked while your brain was attempting to run at 100 miles a minute (“Wait, that story from the Bible was actually real?!”). He bought a pen from the souvenir shop, and he uses it to sign his most important documents.

Beauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

He admires their mind, more than anything. Sometimes he falls deep into thought and finds himself wondering what the chances are he’d fall for a human so smart and fearless. He likes feeling like he has someone he can trust unconditionally, and someone decisive who can help him in puzzling situations. Before you, he would ask Mammon, but his answers tended to stress Lucifer out even more. He’s actually very grateful that you use common sense more often than not.

Comfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

Patience is one of the virtues he didn’t abandon after the fall, so he’s a calming presence whenever you feel emotionally down. He would drop anything to help you if he felt like you needed him, and all he wants is for you to be happy. If you’re comfortable with physical affection, he’ll hold you for the entire night, making sure you feel safe in his arms. If not, he’ll fix you a hot drink and find an activity for you both to enjoy. Once the worst of it has passed, he’ll ask you to talk about your feelings, just so he knows how best to support you in the future.

Dreams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

He was shocked the first time he found himself fantasizing about your future together. He’s never been that kind of person. He imagines the two of you raising a family, in one of those Victorian-style houses he always sees in old films. Before you, he didn’t think he would ever want kids (especially with how Satan turned out), but he’d be lying if he said the thought of the two of you during tea on the front porch while your children play gleefully didn’t make him want to smile.

Equal - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

Seeing how he’s used to being in control in every one of his relationships, he’s come to realize that doesn’t want that from you. He struggles with it at first, and it takes him a lot of effort to overcome his commanding nature, but the two of you are absolutely equals. He just wants you to be happy. In fact, he finds it endearing when you tease him about his council member duties. 

Fight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

Get ready for week-long silences and dramatic gasps of exasperation, everyone! Usually he keeps his cool when you guys start fighting - a few sarcastic quips and eye rolls have never done any damage. The worst fights are the ones where he gets angry. He always feels awful, and will lock himself up in his office for at least 3 days before he even acknowledges anyone else in the House of Lamentation. He never apologizes first, either. You just learn to accept it, and understand that he says sorry in his own way (namely, the days off he always mysteriously procures afterwards to do whatever your heart desires).

Gratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

His pride doesn't let him say it, so he expresses his gratitude in other ways. For Lucifer, gratitude is the heartfelt smile he offers when his love brings him a cup of coffee during a long night of work, or him lending you his coat on an evening walk. He never has to say the words “I’m grateful”, because his late night musings about how shocked he is that a human could make him feel this way says it for him.

Honesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

After The Incident with Belphie, as everyone refers to it, you two don't keep secrets. The only time he won’t tell you something is when it's related to his work for Diavolo. He really sucks at white lies, too, which none of you expected. Asmo was mad when Lucifer spoiled his surprise spa day.

Inspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helping them overcome personal problems?

He’s a lot less stern these days. Sometimes he walks into council meetings with a smirk, knowing that he’s going to get to see you for the first time in his inhumanely busy schedule. Mammon’s made a few comments now, bragging about all the things he can get away with since you “broke” the eldest. (Lucifer heard. He was hanging upside down for a good few days until someone finally took pity on him.)

Jealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

Lucifer? Jealous? Of course not! 

Yes. He gets very jealous. He’s good at hiding it though, signalling you through a arm squeeze or wrapping his arm around your waist just a tiny bit tighter. He does stand a little taller, and gets every so slightly curt with whoever is attempting to steal your attention. After all, he was once the jewel of the heavens. What could this lower demon possibly have on him? 

Kiss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

Kisses with Lucifer feel like free falling, and take your breath away without him even having to try. They’re soft and romantic and full of emotion (until they’re full of something Else if you catch my drift). He just wants you to know how much he loves and adores you. He likes when you blush afterwards. He thinks it's cute.

Love Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

He asked Diavolo if he could have uninterrupted access to the royal rose garden, with the intent of teaching you about the different types of flowers in the Devildom - nothing more. When you arrived, he took you for a calming stroll under the moonlight. When you stood in the gazebo and put your head on his shoulder, he felt his heart start pounding. He reached out to grab your hand, and in the spur of the moment, told you how nobody in the three realms had ever made him feel this way before. He wishes he’d planned something in advance, since he was never a person to act on impulse. Despite how many times you reassured him that a moonlight stroll through a rose garden was one of the most romantic things to ever happen, he doesn’t believe you.

Marriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

He’d never considered marriage before, since every other immortal being was insufferable by his standards, but you changed his mind. He thinks a lot about how beautiful you would look in traditional wedding attire (as much as he curses his father for, well, everything) and how he would love to spend the rest of his life with you by his side. Marriage with Lucifer would be hard, since he has a crazy schedule, but you work together to create a work-life balance. Surprisingly, he discovers that he enjoys painting. He displays some of his paintings above the piano, right next to your wedding photos.

Nicknames - What do they call their s/o?

He calls you Love, and Dear. If Mammon or Asmo would use it, it goes on Lucifer’s distasteful list and he will not go NEAR it. He’s very particular about these kinds of things.

On Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

Nobody outside of the council could tell. He expresses his love through actions, so unless they could see him fussing over your school schedule, or worrying about what you’d packed for lunch, they wouldn’t have the tiniest clue. He just treats you like you’re the most precious thing in his life, with soft touches and an even gentler temperament. He wants you to be happy. After you two “go public” he’ll wrap his arm around your waist, or lend you his clothes to wear for the day. Even if you aren’t big on PDA, he’ll make sure everyone knows that you two are a forever couple.

PDA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

Oh, as soon as one of his brothers walks into the room he locks hands with you just to see that little blush and nose scrunch you do. He doesn’t engage in public makeout sessions, he thinks it’s just gross, but he does like to quickly kiss your forehead when he gets pulled away. He just wants everyone to know that you’re happy with him, it fills him to the brim with pride. At Diavolo’s parties, don’t expect him to leave your side. It’s important everyone knows you’re with him, and he’s with you. 

Quirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

This man is a PLANNER. He’s so used to managing everything that goes on in the Devildom that your dates are like child's play to him. He makes the most simple of dinner plans feel like a whirlwind romance you would see in a rom-com. He also loves taking you to the events that he helped plan, he loves the attention he gets from the ‘scandalous’ romance of the Prince of Hell and the human. He wants to show you off all the time!

Romance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

He lives and breathes compliments. You wear an outfit he picked out to dinner? Expect nonstop commentary of how gorgeous you look and how happy he is to be with you. Every word that leaves his mouth is like poetry, and it's always enough to make you melt in your seat. He loves how you turn the same shade as the strawberries you’re sharing for dessert. He just loves You.

“My love, I can’t believe you have conquered my heart like this. You look simply gorgeous in this light.”

“Luci, I really appreciate it, but can you not say those things while we’re trying to finish the grocery shopping?”

Support - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

If he can pull strings behind the scenes to help you reach your goals, he will. He hates seeing you when you feel defeated. If you ask him not to interfere, then he shares meaningful words with you about how he believes in you, and he knows you can do anything you set your mind to. After all, if you can seduce the Prince of Hell, what can’t you do?

Thrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

He’s not a thrill seeker, but he doesn’t have a specific routine he prefers. He enjoys waking up and seeing you next to him, but as long as he gets to spend time with you it doesn’t matter what you do. He loves it when you surprise him with something you planned yourself, he always appreciates how much time and thought you put into everything you do for him.

Understanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

He had to analyse you closely at the start of the exchange, so he’s known about your mannerisms and how you react to most situations for a while now. Your brick wall of a boyfriend, however, is a very difficult can of worms to deal with. He’s used to being emotionally shut out, so while he can recognise your feelings, he finds it difficult to emphasise with you for a long time. Once he starts to open up though, he starts to understand why you act the way you do in some situations, and it actually results in you two fighting a lot less. He respects you a lot for helping him get back in touch with his feelings.

Value - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

It’s near the same level of priority as his work, surprisingly. He considers you as part of his family too, since all of his brothers adore you, so you’re definitely at the top of his list of priorities. While sometimes he struggles with work-life balance, he tries his hardest, and that means the world to you both.

Wild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

He takes lots of photos of you whenever you’re not looking. He says that he's just trying to capture the moment with you, but he knows deep down that he's preserving your memory ready for the day you’re no longer with him. His lockscreen is a photo of you leaning on his balcony, gazing out at the moon, in one of your favourite flowing dresses. With the white light reflecting on you, he felt like he was looking at one of the most beautiful angels in the celestial realm. It makes him happy and bittersweet at the same time, and reminds him to enjoy every moment you spend together. (You made your lockscreen a photo of him sleeping. He made you swear to never get your phone out around his brothers, which you reluctantly agreed on. You’re sitting on a gold mine).

XOXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

More affectionate than everyone expected him to be. Expect to fall asleep against his chest, and spend your free time after classes wrapped in his arms with a pint of ice-cream covered in forehead kisses. He just loves to feel you near him.

Yearning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

He sends you a simple text, just letting you know how much he loves and adores you, and lets you do whatever it is that has you separated. He uses the time to crack on with the mountains of paperwork, but he never gets much done with you on his mind. 

Zeal - Are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

Once he cares for you, he would do anything for you, just like he would for his brothers. He wants the best for you, and that means he would do anything for you. Once, he cancelled on Diavolo to spend the day with you, much to your delight. That was the boldest thing he’d ever done, and to this day you use it to tease him. He really would do anything for you. That's love!

[falcor-thee-luck-dragon]

What a Time to be Alive - Diego Hargreeves x reader Season I

Chapter 8- I Heard A Rumor

Summary: Five’s healing from his shrapnel wound, Diego’s been arrested, now it’s up to you and Allison to find Vanya.

Masterlist - where all the other chapters are⚔️

Tagged: @sambucky8 @white-wolf-buckaroo @2cuteforyourlies @la-vie-en-amour1 @fandomoverlord221 @thatfandombitcch @alonewolfsblog @starrrybarnes @winterboobear11

The drive to Jenkins grandmothers house is long and silent, the two of you settling into a nervous quiet. Allison worried for Vanya, while you’re worried for what’s happening with Diego. Of all the times for him to get arrested and it’s right when you guys get a lead. Perfect. You cross your arms as you lean yourself against the door, closing your eyes tight and taking a deep breath as you open them once again. Looking out the window at the scenery, it’s dark out and raining heavily as Allison drives. Deciding now is as good as ever, you close your eyes and lay your head against your arm, trying to catch up on some sleep, hoping the ride goes faster.

When you open them again it’s early morning, the sun is still hiding behind the clouds leaving the world in dull blues, pinks, and oranges. You shift your gaze over to Allison who looks like she’s about to fall asleep at the wheel.

 “I don’t think you’d survive a car crash...so in other words, I’ll drive the rest of the way there. Deal.” You tell her with a bit of tired humor in your voice, she gives you a weary nod, slowing the vehicle down and steering it off the side of the highway.

 You both get out, switching positions, as you start the car up beginning to take down the road again. You glance over at Allison who’s already passed out on the window, “Good talk.” You mutter to yourself, content with the comfortable silence.

You get off the highway, making a couple turns here and there until you reach a gravel backroad. This is it. You cautiously make your way down the drive, past trees, ferns, and other greenery. You’d honestly be enjoying the surroundings of nature more, if this trip wasn’t about finding Vanya and her crazy boyfriend. 

“Allison wake up, we’re here.” You whisper, reaching out to nudge her shoulder as you park at the bottom of the small gravel driveway. She startles awake, looking at her surroundings, relaxing once she sees how calm you are.

“That seemed fast. Thanks for driving us the rest of the way...I was seriously about to pass out at the wheel.” She explains with a yawn, you let out an amused puff of air.

“I’ve been in a car wreck before....I know surprising right...it’s not what I would consider, a fun experience.” She lets out a small chuckle at your early morning bluntness, it still amazes her how unfazed you’ve become to traumatic events that have happened to you. You’re guessing it all stems from the rapid healing and whatnot, you’re body doesn’t exactly give you a proper second to contemplate your injuries. Already deciding to heal everything quickly and get on with the next problem.

The both of you get out, slowly walking up towards the cabin, deciding to find a side entrance instead of barging in through the front. It’s best to be subtle, unlike some specific individual who you will not name. You slyly stalk your way to a low window, Allison right behind you.

 “See anything?” She whispers as you peer carefully through the glass, not catching sight of anything of any real importance.

That is, until your eyes land on a black violin case, “Vanya’s violin case...but that’s it, I don’t hear any movement.” You whisper back, moving away from the window to face her, “Let’s get out of here, they can’t be that far.” You add glancing around the old cabin, she agrees and the two of you turn to leave.

——

“Someone better have fucking died, why are we stuck in goddamn traffic...in the countryside...literally nowhere. We’re not even in the city, what the hell?” You angrily ramble as Allison sits at the wheel listening to you go off. It takes another ten minutes to finally make it to some restaurant type business plaza area where something out of the norm has defiantly occured. Traffic is at a standstill once again as you look out the passenger side window at the various policemen wandering about in the nearby parking lot. She suddenly gets out of the car, noticing police cars surrounding some fenced off area with police tape all around it. You grumble, opening up your own door, flipping up your hood and hastily following her. She grabs a scarf that was hanging from off of a sign, walking over to the police tape and lifting it up to make her way into the off limits zone.

 “Allison what the fu..” You start to tell her as a police officer gets to her first. 

“Hey! Pardon me. Hey! I gotta ask you to stay behind the lines. We had an accident here last night.” He explains, halting her from walking any further. You make it to the yellow caution tape, standing on the outside like a civilized person.

 “What happened here then?” You wonder, not unnoticing of the narly blood stain smeared on a nearby wall. Shit maybe someone did die.

“Ma’am. The line, please.” He adds, still wanting Allison to get behind it.

 “Okay. Yes. Sorry.” She says, lifting up the yellow caution tape and standing next to you.

“Got a lot of stuff on the ground, okay? To be wary of.”

“What happened?” You ask again, really curious as to what’s holding up traffic. 

The officer sighs while putting his hands on his hips, “We’re trying to figure that out. As soon as we do, you’ll be able to read it in the newspaper with everybody else. So have a nice day.” The officer says turning to walk away. Allison takes off her sunglasses, “Look officer, is there any way we..” He snaps back around his eyes shooting wide in surprise, “Holy shit! You’re Allison Hargreeves. I saw you on tv like two nights ago in that Sandra Bullock movie about underpaid teachers that rob a bank.” He excitedly rambles on. Rolling your eyes you flip your hood back, not caring if he recognizes you since Allison has taken it upon herself to blow cover. Your hair falls around your face as you blow a puff of wind to get a piece out of your eyes, this overly enthusiastic police officer’s mouth drops open once again. His face contorting from confusion to shock to realization. Ah, shit..he does indeed recognize you to your great surprise. He points to you excitedly, “No freakin way, you....you’re.....you’re...Y/N. This is crazy, you’re the Olympian! Of the frickin’ Umbrella Academy.” He gushes passionately, you purse your lips together, internally cringing a bit at hearing your old superhero name. The name you were given due to your likeness in powers and obvious immortality, to that likeness of the Greek gods and goddesses of mythical lore. You truly haven’t heard that name in many, many years, apparently you still have some old time fans.

 “Yep, That’s us.” You fake smile at him, Allison doing the same, enjoying the recognition way more then you are.

“Oh! Wow. Hey. Never in a million years could I have thought I’d be in the presence of Allison Hargreeves and the Olympian. How bout’ that. What a day, huh.” He says, at a loss for words and what he could say next to his two idols, you and Allison just stand in an awkward silence. “Copy, Cheddar?” Speaks a woman’s voice from his cop radio. He quickly goes to answer, “Yeah, what do you got, Fred?”

“Hospital called. Perp from last night just regained consciousness.” She replies back. “Copy. I’ll be right over.” He says back, his face morphing back to that of an excited child’s, “Wow. Allison freakin Hargreeves and Y/N...the Olympian! Wow. My wife’s not gonna believe it.” He gushes yet again, you’d love to bitchslap that smile right off of his stupid face along with his dumb stereotypical small-town cop mustache. Allison just chuckles, as you cross your arms, “Anyway, I...I..I..I gotta go. Work stuff....Yeah.” He says almost sadly. “Yeah, of course. Sorry.” Allison answer with, as Officer Cheddar walks past you two, headed for his police car. “Actually, that’s...why I’m here. I’m... I’m researching a role. A law enforcement role.. with Y/N.” She explains giving you a quick side eye, you turn your head away from them, trying to hold in laughter. No fucking way is this cop gonna believe that load of bullshit. “In Jackpine Cove? We haven’t had a murder here in years.” He tells her. “Oh, uh...it’s about, um...a small-town cop who takes down a drug cartel. In fact, maybe I could tag along while you conduct some official police business? I promise...I won’t get in the way. I just...I think you could really, um...help develop my character, if I could live a day in the life, you know.” She tells him, hoping her little fib will do the trick. He nods carefully thinking it over, “Day in the life, huh? Eh..Come on. Follow me.” You’re eyes widen as your mouth drops open, how in the fuck? And she didn’t even have to rumor him, Allison you sly dog. She gives you a hopeful glance as the two of them start walking towards his car leaving you in the dust.

“It’s fine, I’ll just trail along...gotta get the car....that you’re leaving in traffic.” You grumble as they shut their doors, you walk over to your own vehicle. Opening up the door and getting inside.

——

When you finally made it to the hospital, Officer Cheddar wouldn’t allow you near the wounded victim, calling it official police business or some shit. Allison gave you an apologetic look as you walked out the sliding glass doors without another word. 

Leaning against your car, you watch cars come and go, birds going about their day, and listen to the sweet sound of leaves rustling in the breeze. Ever grateful for the lack of car horns honking every ten seconds. As well as the usual nasty smells radiating from parts of the city and coming from god knows where else. You close your eyes, letting your mind wander.

What was happening with Diego? Is Five’s injury healed yet? Was Klaus okay? And where the hell was Vanya? So many questions and concerns throwing themselves at you, and oh right. There’s an apocalypse happening within the week. Things just are not going tremendously well this week, well that’s not entirely true. Considering you’ve had some pretty stellar times with Diego here and there, all very nice times indeed. Ah, but of course, Allison would get to have a fun little detective adventure with the local idiot. And she didn’t even have to rumor him! Even now she always gets what she wants, she always has, no..stop..you can’t think like that. You stopped giving a shit about who got the most attention long ago, you’re not about to start feeling resentment now. But your mind can’t help itself as it starts to saunter into darker grounds.

———

“Number Eight, if you weren’t so focused on the safety of Number Two, this mission would have been an utter success. But due to your lack of consistency when engaging in combat, you deliberately discontinued the annihilation of those four crime bosses. Jeopardizing the lives of their hostages, and all so Number Two wouldn’t get shot.....wounds heal.” Snaps Sir Reginald Hargreeves, as the whole of the Umbrella Academy plus yourself, sit around the dinner table. He’s verbally beating you down for saving Diego’s life on the Umbrella Academy’s latest mission. Where all of you surprise attacked a crime boss and his minions in his own mansion. You freed multiple people that where there due to human trafficking and other depraved things concerning illegal drugs and whatnot. It was successful to say the least, but a maid got shot in the arm when you decided to save Diego’s life instead. A mistake that Sir Reginald would not miss, nor would he ignore.

You glare up at him from across the table, “That maid survived. What? Would you rather have Diego die, or have a normal civilian live with some small injuries?” You ask him, as calmly as you can muster. He puts his fork down, sitting back, “You are part of the Umbrella Academy. Act like it. I will have no further arguments out of you for the rest of this meal, is that understood?” He replies sternly, cutting you off from further arguing, he takes a bite from his fork while watching your every move. You clench your jaw in frustration, no matter what you say he won’t care, “I understand.” You mutter through clenched teeth, turning away to focus sourly on your meal that you could care less about enjoying at the moment. The rest of dinner is held in an awkward silence.

As you’re returning to your room, Luther comes walking around the corner, headed for his own one. “Why do you always try and talk back to him? I mean, he is kinda right. You should have helped that woman, that’s what we’re there for.” Explains Luther as the two of you walk down the hallway.

“Of course you’d agree with him, why do I even bother.” You growl at him, rolling your eyes.

 Suddenly Allison walks out of her room, joining the two of you stopped in the hallway.

“If you’re here to tell me I was wrong for talking back I’ll shove my foot up your ass.” You deadpan, her face grimacing in disgust.

“That’s lovely. But a little advice, Y/N, if you want to stay on his good side, just shut your mouth and try to be less of an asshole.” She tells you like a scolding mother, you shake your head at them, “All you two have to do is exist and follow everything daddy tells you. While the rest of us get kicked under the rug. He likes you two the best, you know. But I don’t even need to tell you...I’m positive you both are capable of already understanding that.” You whisper yell at them, sick of all their high and mighty comments, just don’t talk and let Reginald boss you around. No way. “Whatever.” Mumbles Allison. “You just don’t know how to be normal, or how to not be a smartass.” Sasses Luther rudely.

“What? We are literally the closest thing from normal for fucks sake.” You snap at him giving him a what-the-hell-are-you-serious face, he crosses his arms in annoyance.

“Don’t swear. You know we can’t say stuff like that. Dad or Pogo might hear. And Y/N, stop trying to start stuff. You wonder why Dad makes sure you’re last for everything, he doesn’t exactly like you as much....then again neither do I.” You look at him with a poker face, trying your hardest not to bitchslap him right now. It’s honestly incredibly tempting.

“I’m really feeling the family love, Luther. And by the way.....all of you suck.” You add bluntly, flipping them off as you turn on your heel and walk angrily into your room, slamming the door in their faces. 

You sat in the middle of your floor for a good hour just fuming with quiet rage, until everything started to simmer down. They all get on your nerves to no end, and the only ones you can stand for longer then two hours are Vanya and Ben. Klaus is fun for awhile, that is on most occasions, until he starts trying to get you to see how long you can hold your hand over a flame before it hurts to much. Oddly fascinated with your ability to rapidly heal yourself, oddly enough you’ll usually do it, but you can only take Klaus in small doses. Then there’s Diego, who you’ve formed a solid love/hate relationship with. He’s just so weird, one minute he’s acting super cute and funny and trying to impress you or show off his knife skills so incredibly hard. Then a second later. Luther, Allison, or Reginald walks into the room and he’s being a jerk. Pretending like you don’t exist, and acting like such a hard-ass, it’s stupid. Klaus swears he’s got the fattest crush on you, but sometimes you’re not so sure, that kid gives you hella mixed signals.

Suddenly you hear a knock at the door, “If it’s you Luther, I’ll shank you with a paintbrush.” You tell this mystery person, crossing your arms as you look up at the door. You hear a soft chuckle from the other side, “No need. It’s just Diego....uh...could I come in? Please?” He whispers from the other side, your heart swells and you quickly get up to open it. “What’s up loser, I hope you’re not here to crush all my hopes and dreams.” You quip opening up the door wider so he can walk in, you closing it once again. He walks over to your carpet, sitting down by a bunch of random pillows. You soon follow, sitting across from him. “So, whatcha doin here?” You awkwardly ask him, confused as to why he’s in your room, not that you mind, but still. He fiddles with one of his daggers, looking down at his hands, “Uh, I wanted to say thanks for saving my ass yesterday. Sorry you took the fall for it, that was pretty badass of you to stand up to Dad.” He tells you still avoiding eye contact, you smile at him, “Well, I’d rather not have my favorite frisbee partner kick the bucket.” He smiles at that, finally looking up at you. “Yeah, we make a pretty good team, huh.” He glances down again at his dagger, nervously twisting it in his hands, “So, uh, Y/N. I..uh...have something to um...tell you.” He looks up at you, you can hear the thumping of his heartbeat quicken as a light blush dusts his cheeks, he continues, “Please don’t think I’m weird...but I really...like..yo..” Before he can finish his declaration of how he truly feels for you, the door bursts open. Revealing Luther and an angry Reginald, “Number Two. Number Eight. You were strictly told to go to your rooms and not come out until morning. I will have none of this, Number Two, out!” He snaps.

“I’m already in my room.”

He gives you a deadly warning glare as Diego gives you a sad look before bolting out the door. Reginald following as Luther gives you a snide smile, practically silently laughing at you. Fuck off, Diego was about to tell me something important you pricks. You would have liked to say, but thought otherwise, a wonderful moment utterly ruined.

———

Oh the fun childhood memories that stay with you to this day, intrusively barging their way back into your brain when you’re alone. Damn they all were little pricks back in the day, huh. All you tried to do was stand up for others and keep them safe, but all that the others wanted was to desperately please Reginald at any given opportunity. And that was the first time Diego truly opened up to you, it was short lived, but it was the start of something amazing.

“Y/N! Y/N! Hey!” Shouts Allison who’s running to you, your head snaps up at the sudden noise.

“What? I can hear you, calm down.” You tell her, pushing yourself off the car door.

“Vanya and Leonard Peabody were just here this morning. They were here, when we were at the cabin, they must have come back. We gotta go.” She hurriedly rambles, taking the keys out of your hand and opening up the drivers side. 

“Well shit.” You run around to the passengers seat, hoping in quickly, as Allison takes off towards the cabin.

The drive is thankfully short, but by now the suns beginning to set as a new darkness starts to engulf the land. It’s beautiful and calming to feel the night air and listen to the wind sway the pines back and forth. But you have no time to fully enjoy it, to worried and on guard for what you and Allison might run into.

“What the hell. Why’s it so windy all of a sudden.” You say aloud, shutting the car door and turning to walk up the gravel driveway. “Yeah, this is definitely odd.” Mutters Allison, equally as puzzled.

As you both reach the porch, the sound of Vanya’s violin wafts its way out and into the quiet night air. It’s beautiful, with the exception of all the lights and other porch furniture that’s swaying to the wind, er music. You’re not completely sure what’s going on. “Vanya? Is that you?” Shouts Allison as she looks into a window, quickly walking up to the door and opening it. No regard for safety, come on Allison we talked about this, you think to yourself as you follow her into the windy cabin. “Vanya, there you are. What is going on?” Allison half yells, bringing Vanya’s attention to the two of you. “Hey V.” You wave at her awkwardly, as she stops playing her violin.

“What are you two doing here?” She questions, trying to figure out how you would have found her, and most importantly why?

“We came to find you. Are you okay?” Allison worries. “Yeah.” Vanya says with a small but confused smile.

“Vans, you wouldn’t happen to know what’s causing all the spooky ghost wind? Now would you?” You question her, giving the room a short look around.

“Me.”

Allison walks in closer, “What do you mean, me?” She asks, confusion clear on her features. You furrow your brows, puzzled as well. “I mean....I made those things happen. With my powers. Turns out I’ve had them all this time. It’s weird, huh?” Vanya tells the both of you, her voice holding a tinge of resentment.

“It’s in..it’s incredible.” Allison gasps, shocked and amazed at this new information.

Vanya’s face falls, “But?”

“Can we just leave now. We’ll all have a nice lovely conversation about it in the car.” You rush, feeling the tension in the room starting to increase, as you attempt to get things rolling.

“Why?” Wonders Vanya. Allison glances down for a moment, sighing softly, “You’re not gonna want to hear it.” She warns, oh right, we gotta tell Vanya about her psychotic boyfriend. That’s gonna go well.

“Well, that’s never stopped you before.” She adds dryly, ouch. But well deserved.

“Leonard Peabody? His real name is Harold Jenkins.” Allison pauses for a moment, letting the information sink into Vanya, “Remember when I couldn’t find anything in the library on Leonard? It’s because Leonard Peabody doesn’t exist. Harold Jenkins does.” She explains, Vanya listens in silence, not sure what to believe anymore.

“She’s right. He was in prison for 12 years. The sick fuck murdered his father when he was 13...his pops might have had it coming..but still.” You tell her, further backing up Allison’s facts.

“This is...insane. His dad was an engineer at the..” Allison cuts her off, “I have the police report in the car, Vanya. I can show you.”

“I don’t...I don’t understand.” Vanya says shaking her head, not believing in these obscene facts. You walk closer to Allison, who’s standing a couple feet away from Vanya. “Leonard, Harold, Yeah man. It doesn’t make a lot of sense, and it sounds crazy. But we were in his house, this wack-job has pictures of us with our eyes gouged out.” You urge, trying to help her understand. Her brows furrow in agitated bewilderment, “Wh..What?” She starts as Allison quickly interrupts her, “I promise I will tell you everything in the car, but it is not safe.” Rushes Allison worriedly as she grabs Vanya’s arm, pulling her a couple feet towards the door. “No, stop.” Objects Vanya, sitting down in a rocking chair, Allison falling to her knees in front of her. “Look, um...I can’t imagine how hard it is for you to hear this...how you feel right now, but I..I love you, and I just...I wanna be here for you, as your sister.” Pleads Allison, desperately trying to get Vanya moving and away from this place. You stand back, folding your arms in concern, you can feel a heavy uneasiness crawling over the room.

“There’s just no way. I love him. This just doesn’t make any sense. And this power...I don’t know. I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t know what to do.” Mutters Vanya, her face washing over in troubled distress, overwhelmed by everything that’s happening.

“Now I understand.” Whispers Allison, apparently remembering a long forgotten memory, “When we were four. Dad told us you were sick. You had to be isolated. We were so young. None of us knew to question it. But then he asked me to do something I never understood...until now. He made me an accomplice.” Explains Allison shamefully, bowing her head down in disgust for what she did. You watch Vanya’s shocked face, you had no idea any of this happened. And clearly neither did she.

 “You did this to me?” Whispers Vanya.

“I...I didn’t realize.”

“You knew this whole time? That I had powers!” Shouts Vanya, getting up off the rocking chair in a fury. “No, no! I didn’t understand until we came today, until I saw it.” Pleads Allison standing up as well. You just stand back and continue to watch the shit-show, damn, this family continues to surprise you to no end.

“Well, now it all makes sense. This is why you never wanted me around.” She cries, anger and sadness fueling her.

 “What? No!”

“You couldn’t risk me threatening your place in the house, your...your dominance.” Vanya continues, her temper rising by the minute. “That is not true.” Adds Allison, Vanya screaming back, “You couldn’t handle the fact that Dad might find me special.”

“You are special, with or without powers.” Snaps Allison desperately. 

“Don’t...Don’t say that!” Screams Vanya, her face a mask of hurt and anger. “We have a chance to start over.” Allison tells her calmly, Vanya not buying into anything, “You destroyed my life!” She yells. You throw your hands up to your hypersensitive ears, not being able to stand the shouting anymore.

“Oh, come on Vanya. Everything is out in the open. We can move on.” Begs Allison getting frustrated. Vanya shakes her head, “Oh, I’m moving on. But not with you, or Y/N, with Leonard.” She snaps, you interject for the first time, “With Harold, the crazy bastard remember.” She ignores you, screaming back, “With Leonard! The only person who has ever loved me for me!” Allison stands back, lightly chuckling at the ridiculous thought of this random psychopath loving anyone. “Look me in the eye and tell me you’re not threatened now.” Says Vanya calmly, you look around you as the wind begins to pick up in the cabin once again, shit.

“I don’t wanna argue with you.” Begins Allison, Vanya vocalizing her rage, “Then go! I don’t want your help!” She wails, you cover your sensitive ears tighter.

“Vanya, I love you!” Allison cries, begging her to listen.

“Stop saying that!” Screams Vanya, even louder then before. Allison’s face scrunches up in confusion as she looks around the windy room, “Are you okay?”

“I said go!” A second later the lights above Allison shatter, raining down glass into your hair and hers. “Please don’t make me do this.” Begs Allison, at her whits end, and out of ideas on what to do about Vanya’s growing outrage. You take a step back, your legs hitting the front of the couch, afraid of what she’s about to do next, “I heard a rumor..” Allison begrudgingly starts, without warning Vanya reacts with lighting speed, you watch on in horror as Vanya whips her violin string across Allison’s vulnerable throat. Slitting it in one clean motion, your eyes shoot over to a shocked Allison, then deep red blood begins pooling out of her neck. Her eyes go wide as she raises her hands to stop the bleeding, you and Vanya race over to her as she begins to fall to the carpeted floor. “Allison!” Screams Vanya, terrified at what she had just done. “I didn’t mean to...I didn’t....I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” She cries, glancing at you then back to Allison as hot tears begin streaming down her face. You listen to the strained gasps coming from Allison, as you rip off the bottom of your shirt and place it firmly where the injury is, doing your best to stop the bleeding. While Vanya’s hyperventilating next to you, you can hear Leonard urging her to get up and follow him out the door. He rushes over, grabbing her arm roughly and pulling her away, you snap out of your trance of saving Allison’s life.

Racing after them, Leonard shoves a hysterical Vanya out the door, before he whips around to face you, who’s staring daggers at him from the doorway.

“The Olympian. It’s an honor to finally meet you.” He says with an agitating grin as you sneer at him.

“Well, I wouldn’t stay to excited about it for much longer.” You snap, he chuckles at that while taking a step back.

In an instant you lunge at him, pushing him ferociously into the porch railing, the boards snap as they catch his weight. He staggers to his feet, wiping a smear of blood from his mouth and letting out a ragged cough while giving you a sly smile as he goes to picks up Vanya, “You won’t be able to move for quit awhile. And that’s all we need.” He tells you mysteriously, turning away and hastily limping down the steps, hand in hand with Vanya. You snap out of your daze, going to take a step to finish the job when your stomach has the most intensely jarring sharp pain, practically screaming at you to stop. You look down, this fucker stabbed you with a Swiss Army knife. “Goddammit.” You groan, grabbing its hilt and pulling it painfully out of you. Some blood squirts out and drips onto the wooden floor. You grimace, lifting the bloody blade up to your nose, you take a small sniff. “Oh fuck.” You deadpan, he coated the blade with some type of poison. You’re not sure what from, but you can tell its been tampered with, this dick knew what the fuck he was about, damn he must really hate the Umbrella Academy.

Knowing you probably only have a couple minutes left before the toxins fully reach into your system. You drop the knife, stumbling over to a barely conscious Allison. You fall to the floor, grabbing the arm of the couch with your left hand. Your whole body feels sick and you start to sweat heavily, you’re not sure if you’re about to vomit or not. Luckily it passes, replaced by an intense agonizing pain stabbing at your stomach, at least you can still breath. You crawl to Allison’s legs, leaning yourself against the couch, fighting to keep yourself awake, you have to stay awake, you have to fight through the poison that’s desperately trying to kill you. But everything feels so fuzzy and you can hear your own heartbeat pounding in your ears. It’s deafening. Nonetheless you crawl forward, reaching your right hand up to press gently onto her bleeding wound. 

You don’t know how long you’ve been slumped on the floor in agony, straining to keep your eyes open as bloody drool seeps out from the side of your mouth. But you could have swore you just heard the sound of car doors slamming shut. A moment later the screen door bursts open, Luther entering first, followed by Klaus, Five, and Diego. Luther races over to Allison’s left side, since your slowly dying on her right. Klaus kneels down in front of you, lifting your head up, it’s so hard to move, your body feels like it’s on fire and tied down by a thousand ship anchors.

“Y/N, what happened? What’s wrong with you?” Pleads Klaus breathlessly, terrified that you’re not healing right away. It’s how poison works, it won’t kill you, but damn will it keep you awake in a half dying state until the affects wear off.

Diego suddenly materializes from up above you, your vision is so blurry, you could barely tell it’s him. You can’t clearly make out a single comprehensible word from either of them. But a minute later you can feel yourself being lifted, and carefully carried out the door and down the steps. Where you’re then put into a car, your head and shoulder is leaning against something soft and warm. Presumably Diego or Klaus but you can’t tell anymore. Then the vehicle begins to move, the dull rumbling of the engine, forcing you into a half-conscious state. You don’t remember the ride home.

[oswaldsleftbicep]

may i ask for some angst headcanons where the boys (lucas, levy and mikael) realize the reader will age - and dies- faster than them, and how they deal with that?? 😩😩

lucas, levy, & mikael + coming to terms with their gn!so's mortality

i hope both sides of your pillow are warm jk ily

genre: angst

cw: death and mortality, aging, funerals, mourning and grief, vague-ish spoilers for lucas and mikael sorry

Lucas

❧ ok so i'm assuming that mans is pretty much immortal given how he turns through time and he's not the same species as everyone else in nightmare

❧ also idk if in his good endings he loses his immortality or not, but let's just say he doesn't and remains immortal

❧ ok now that we got that aside, let's get to it

❧ so he's always known you were gonna live and die faster than him, but that fact was something that he tried not to focus on too much

❧ he wishes he could do something, cast some sort of spell to make you live longer but he knows that's not how it works and there's nothing he can do

❧ he comes to terms with your mortality quickly, and while he allows himself a short while to mourn that fact, he quickly turns his focus to making sure you live out the rest of your life happily

❧ he'll take you on so many adventures and make sure the two of you try everything there is to offer under the sun, from foods to activities

❧ as you age he'll make sure you get the care you need for whatever ailments your age brings you

❧ you often get insecure as you age tho since you look so much older than him and people stare but he couldn't care less

❧ y'all give off howl and sophie vibes

❧ to him you'll always be ethereal and the love of his life, no matter the wrinkles or grey hair or age spots

❧ eventually, it comes to the time when you're nearing the end of your life, he's by your side 24/7 making sure to keep you comfortable and loved

❧ when you do pass on, he doesn't know what to do. he just kinda sits by your bed for the longest time thinking. you were his life's purpose, literally. now that you're gone, what is he good for?

Levy

❧ in one of the routes, lucia asks the mc if humans live to be 500 years old, so based on that let's just say that that's the average lifespan for an angel/demon

❧ so your mortality and shorter lifespan don't really occur to him until you're talking to him one day about a relative of yours that passed away

❧ you mentioned the age they were at the time of their death and he was like "is that all?? they were so young; was it an accident??" and you were like "what are you talking about, they were like 102 years old, that exceptionally long for a human"

❧ after hearing that he just kinda goes oh and asks for your age

❧ you can tell that he's worried about you so you try to tell him not to worry about how old you are, that you've still got plenty of time left

❧ but he's not having it. he eventually forces your age out of you and immediately gets upset. why are humans so weak and stupid that they die so young?

❧ even if you have 70+ years left to live, he knows that time is gonna fly by and soon he's gonna lose you

❧ he's reading every book he thinks might have a solution to this issue, even if it's only a spell that extends your life by just a few years

❧ after a while tho he realizes that there's nothing he can do to prevent you from aging and dying

❧ he becomes a lot softer to you after this, wanting to make all of your memories with him enjoyable and pleasant

❧ like lucas, he takes great care of you as you age and makes sure you're comfortable

❧ when he recognizes that it's your time, he nearly falls into a panic attack; he's not ready to lose you. he tries to hide his feelings tho but you can see right through him and reach out to comfort him. you spend your final moments holding each other and he tells you how much he loves you

❧ breaks down in tears when you're gone. his words of love turn into words of regret for all the things he never did, never told you. he has to be pulled away from you so your body can be taken care of properly

Mikael

❧ like lucas, he's always known about your short lifespan and mortality, and he's also come close to losing you like during the end of his route

❧ but now that the two of you have moved past dying young, he has to worry about you dying in the distant future as well

❧ even though a part of him knows it's futile, he tries to research ways to extend your lifespan or even give you immortality. he even goes as far as to ask lucia for help

❧ after that period of time, he moves past the desperation into simply trying not to think about it

❧ but you will still find him on some nights in the sun room looking up at the stars with tears and premature mourning in his eyes

❧ he's giving you the best medical care as you age in order to ensure you live a long happy life

❧ as you age, he thinks you're the most beautiful, graceful thing he's ever seen. he never once complains or even thinks about complaining about your appearance

❧ ofc you get a little concerned for his reputation as a noble leader since he's with someone of such old appearance but he couldn't care less about what others think

❧ this might be a little out of character for him, but i just feel like he would try to crack a joke like "look we both have white hair now lol"

❧ when your final days roll around, he tries to make it seem like everything is normal. he'd take you to the spring a lot more tho seeing as it calms the both of you down

❧ when you pass away peacefully he wants to take care of your body pretty much immediately; he thinks it's only right for your funeral to come quickly rather than having you wait around out of his own selfish need to keep you

❧ your funeral is one of the best his realm has ever held; people who didn't know the situation would think it was mikael or even the king who died

❧ he orders that nothing in his room or even your old room be touched or altered; he wants to keep everything as it was when you were last there

❧ he can hardly sleep anymore without you to tell him stories, and he's often found at the spring, staring at something just above the water

[mediaevalmusereads]

Silver in the Wood. By Emily Tesh. New York: Tor, 2019.

Rating: 3/5 stars

Genre: fantasy novella

Part of a Series? Yes, The Greenhollow Duology #1

Summary:  There is a Wild Man who lives in the deep quiet of Greenhollow, and he listens to the wood. Tobias, tethered to the forest, does not dwell on his past life, but he lives a perfectly unremarkable existence with his cottage, his cat, and his dryads. When Greenhollow Hall acquires a handsome, intensely curious new owner in Henry Silver, everything changes. Old secrets better left buried are dug up, and Tobias is forced to reckon with his troubled past—both the green magic of the woods, and the dark things that rest in its heart.

***Full review under the cut.***

Content Warnings: violence, blood, body horror

Overview: I can’t remember how I stumbled upon this book, but I love fantasy and folklore, so here we are. While I do think that Silver in the Wood had the beginnings of a good novella, I ultimately wanted more out of it. I wanted more atmosphere and more human(ish) connection, and instead, I feel like most of what I was reading was surface-level in order to accommodate the shortened length of the book as a whole. The lore was definitely fun, and I loved the dryads and all the wiles of the forest, but unfortunately, this book only gets 3 stars from me.

Writing: Tesh had a difficult job in that she had to fit a grand fantasy story into a short amount of space. In my opinion, the length is mostly what holds her back. I felt like I was being told a lot of things, rather than shown, and mostly because there just wasn’t room to delve deeper into the characters’ emotions, the feeling of the setting, etc. For example, I remember being told again and again that Henry Silver was flirting with Tobias Finch, but I never got descriptions of longing gazes, lingering touches, or anything else that would show me attraction between the two characters. As a result, I didn’t quite feel like there was chemistry between the two.

The same can be said for the rest of the novella, I think. We’re told that Tobias lives in a forest, and it’s old and spooky, but while there were some nice descriptors here and there, I didn’t feel like the setting was a character in its own right. I wanted the age and the magic of the forest to feel more threatening, more wily. Instead, I felt like the forest was reduced to “just trees” on account on the lack of description of how the forest makes people feel.

But barring all that, I think Tesh does a fairly good job of making her sentences flow together well. The prose is easy to read and moves at a fairly quick pace, and I think if you’re into skimming, you can definitely do that.

Plot: The plot of this novella follows 400 year old “wild man” Tobias Finch, who must rescue his crush, Henry Silver (a “practical folklorist”) from the grips of Finch’s former lover/associate, Fabian (an immortal, mischievous forest sprite, of sorts). To be honest, I thought this story had potential, but it ultimately ended up feeling flat for me for a number of reasons: A.) there’s no real buildup of emotions between Tobias and Silver, and B.) the lore behind Fabian and Tobias’s past is not given enough weight or room to breathe.

The plot of this novella also takes something of an awkward turn near the end when the story goes from enchanting forest fairy tale to the formation of a kind of “monster hunting agency.” It’s at this point that time skips around and doesn’t add too much to the story; characters just seem to be waiting. If Tesh really wanted time to pass and make it more meaningful, I think devoting that space to exploring feelings of loneliness and sadness would have worked. But as it stands, this novella feels a little awkward and the plot without much shape. It’s not helped by the fact that the ending tries to insert some grander message of self-healing and finding one’s freedom that I didn’t pick up on throughout the rest of the novella.

Characters: Tobias, our main protagonist, is a 400 year old “wild man” bound to the forest. I wanted to find him more interesting than I did - for a wild man, he didn’t seem all that much different from a regular human (except for maybe his untamed hair and age). I wanted Tobias to be a little more otherworldly than he was, and if Tesh was really interested in the tumultuous feelings Tobias had with the forest, I think some of that angst could have come through more consistently.

Henry Silver is a “practical folklorist” and love interest of Tobias. While I did think Silver was charming (I loved his over-eager desire to collect folk tales and use them to impress Tobias), I think more could have been done to make him feel like a proper love interest. I had trouble seeing the chemistry between him and Tobias - in fact, it seems like Silver falls for Tobias the instant he sees him, and there’s no longing that would suggest they have a desire for one another.

Silver’s mother shows up later in the novella, and while I liked her feistiness, I don’t think she was necessary for the plot. Most of what she does is kick Tobias into action before practically disappearing, and I think that purpose could have been served by a dryad or else the Silver family relationship (and family business) be made more important to the plot.

Dryads were charming, but not very useful for much other than “flavor.” I liked the mischief of Bramble, but she never does much to make her feel like a character in her own right. Other dryads are present, but one exists mainly to be killed (in a scene which doesn’t feel like it belongs in the story, as most of the main plot isn’t centered on managing dryads or protecting villagers from them).

Perhaps the biggest disappointment was Fabian, the main antagonist. Fabian wasn’t on page much, and I don’t think talking about the villain does much to make me think that the villain is some formidable foe. I would have liked to see more angst between Fabian and Tobias, as well as some episodes early on where maybe Tobias is preparing for Fabian’s arrival, or maybe dealing with the fallout of one of Fabian’s earlier escapades. In short, Fabian was talked up a lot, but I didn’t feel like he was exceptionally dangerous when we actually got to see him.

TL;DR: Silver in the Wood is a charming fantasy novella, but ultimately doesn’t enchant readers with a strong sense of place. While the lore is bound to impress fairy tale enthusiasts, the rushed plot, surface-level romance, and lack of strong character development makes this story feel underdeveloped.

[notfeelingthyaster]

Imagine (Son of Hades! Percy; Godswapped! Big Three's kids) (8/8) or (13/13)

Blood of Olympus pt.2 - The War

Hello! If you're here, it means you probably already know - but check the masterpost for both warnings and the other twelve parts.

I want to thank everyone who followed this fanfic? Imagine? AU? for the month it took us to get here. Tell me what you thought about it, if there's anything you are anxious to see in the epilogue - yes, we'll have an epilogue!

If you like my writing, you might be happy to know that I'm starting another AU - same style, no patience for prose - this time, a daughter of Zeus! Percy. Don't worry - it bares almost no similarities to this, and part 1 will be out before the epilogue, so stay tuned. For now, good reading :))

Maybe it was the death of Malcolm, but after that night, there was something different about the crew of the Argo II. Their journey to Gaea changed them.

Will notifies them as soon as morning rises, leaving Annabeth secluded in her room and Perseus to whatever was happening upstairs - they are told not to interfere.

No one knows exactly what happened on the deck between Perseus and whoever dared to attack them - there is nothing there but sea salt and dried ichor when Frank goes to take his shift.

The screams will haunt him for the rest of his life - they pleaded for mercy, but after this journey, no one in here is a merciful person.

There's an aura - an aura Frank recognizes well, for it clogged around Hazel in her first days in Nova Roma. An aura of death. Perseus is looking at the sunrise, cleaning his gold-stained ax.

He looks happy - for the first time since Tartarus, he is humming a melody to some song that Frank is pretty sure is from Disney. Percy grins at Frank.

"Hey, man."

Frank doesn't ask. He trusts Perseus - Perseus took a whip to the back, side by side with him. Perseus fell on Tartarus for his best friend. Perseus would give his life for any of them. The son of Mars Ultor is sure he did what he had to do.

It still spooks him a little when Perseus leaves, whistling what he now recognizes as Fathoms Bellow.

They're journeying to Delos - for more half a day - and then, finally, to Athens. Frank wonders if the monsters are too afraid of them - or if Gaea just told them to stop attacking.

The fact is that, for several hours, no monster touches them again. Might be the death air encapsulating the ship's bow. Might just be their reputation.

With nothing to do, Frank watches as the sun rises and his friends starting to walk around.

Leo has no fixed hours - so he might be either awakening or going to sleep. He crosses through Frank in his post and rambles for a second - the Legionis thinks it's cute.

Leo crosses Hazel - she never wakes past eight unless she had a night shift - who is probably going to breakfast. They exchange a kiss, and Frank's heart aches.

Hazel stops to talk with Jason - the last one awake, since Perseus and Will are probably sleeping, Annabeth still hasn't left her room, and Nico and Piper went to their room after the morning announcements - probably to grief.

The blonde is uncharacteristically serious for such an early hour, but with recent news, it's expected. Frank goes back to look at the sea - and wonder if any of them will ever be free of this.

The two of them retract to the war room - to plan the attack on Gaea. They are at a serious disadvantage. It might be better for them to ride back to Long Island and try to unit the camps and plan a war - just like they did with Kronos/Mount Otris.

It's very improbable that Gaea will give the same considerations to put Manhattan to sleep. Kronos wanted power - not to destroy humanity. Gaea is a nesting mother who lost her kids - she wants chaos.

But with all giants here - wouldn't be easier to do this here? Even if they have no support whatsoever? If they tailed back to Long Island, would the giants run rampant through Europe?

They wait until after lunch - when everyone is more or less up - to congregate and vote.

"There are seventeen giants - one for each Olympian plus Trivia, Proserpina, and the Fates, except for Dyonisus who has two and the twins who share two - and nine of us."

"Fifteen" Retorts Percy from his place opposite to Jason "I killed Aristaeus - the bane of Proserpina - yesterday. And the bane of Ares... Damasen... he was a good giant. He didn't reform."

Jason doesn't argue - Perseus was the one on Tartarus - even though he wants to ask who helped him kill the giant - and if he killed them afterward.

Fifteen is still a staggering number of giants. They have no chance alone - so after Delos, they solve to make their last stand on Camp Half-Blood.

Will, Perseus, and Jason are the ones to go down to the small island. Finding Apollo is exceptionally easy: it's just a matter of following the sound of the lyre.

He laughs at their request - full-blown laugh. Jason wants to punch him - the world is ending.

"There's no need for flowers. You already have the Physician's Cure. This is a name my son gave to his union to Zagreus - life and death."

Jason wants to scream. He wants to kill Nike - who is in her island, chilling after sending them in a goose chase. But Perseus and Will are already miles ahead of him - whatever happened last night unlocked something in him, even if the gloves never left.

"You'll come to Long Island. You'll fight - for as long as needed - against Orion and Gration." It's Will - defying his own father. Jason doesn't know if he has the courage.

"Promise - on your immortality, because I don't trust the Styx."

"I could still evaporate you"

"You won't. You need us too much."

Apollo promises - maybe because he sees everything and knows more than Jason about whatever will happen, maybe because that ax still bears gold in it - and exchanges some words with Will that neither of them hear as they walk back on board to tell the news.

Will and Percy disappear into a room - it makes something stir in Jason's stomach, as he remembers that he no longer knows this Perseus, but the one he knows, he loves.

Will and Perseus talk for hours - before being invaded by Leo - only to keep talking until the next morning.

"Change course to Athens. We have the Physician's Cure. Gaea will rampage through Europe. Hercules is on her side. There's no way we can go back now."

They agree - there's no crossing Hercules little island again.

An IM from Reyna cements their decision. A group of demigods serving Gaea - including the Censor that unjustly tried Hazel and was exiled - tried ambushing she and her sister - but the Amazons and the Hunters won against them. Thalia is alive - and she drove an arrow through Gwen's eye, the traitor in Nova Roma.

The Hunters called the Pegasi - and they all set course to Athens - while Reyna followed the statue who set course by the sea. Pegasus himself is going to Athens - he fought once against the Giants, he would do again.

They reach Athens in a little more than five hours. It's the last day of their time - and they are ambushed as soon as they cross the Parthenon.

They fight well - Gaea wants Perseus and Piper, so they rally around them.

Perseus is a fighting beast himself, but he is overwhelmed by the sheer number of monsters and unable to help others. He kills the Minotaur once again - the armies of monsters are almost endless - is the battle of Manhattan all over again.

Piper strikes against the three gorgons - Medusa can't petrify anyone without petrifying her own allies - and keeps the head as a prize.

Nico is in the sky - he looks like part of the storm. The flying monsters rally around him, but Nico doesn't disappoint - his sword cuts through them like butter.

In the end, the nine annihilate the whole army - Gaea has just her giants now.

But in the fray, two griffins escape - carrying with them Jason and Hazel. Now they have no option but to follow.

Perseus almost hits his head on the wall. Why was he so dumb? Gaea was playing them. Gender had nothing to do with the sacrifice - it's just one of the sea, one of the earth. And Hazel, as much as she is a daughter of the sky, her powers exist on earth.

He could deal with the bounty hunt on him. Even on Piper - just a person to protect - but not on two. He was not expecting this. Perseus thinks Gaea must be laughing right now.

He feels guilt creep on him. That was his plan, and now two of his best friends are gone in the sky. Leo looks even worse than him - he is weeping as if the two demigods are already dead. They probably are.

Annabeth takes the reins - and they fly to the Acropolis quicker than ever. The ship slams against the ground - it probably needs repairs. But they are here.

Jason doesn't remember feeling that much pain. He wakes up, chained in a sacrificial altar, Hazel just behind him. Their powers don't answer - the chains are as dark as Perseus' ax: stygian iron. In front of them, Porphyrion and Polybotes laugh.

"We'll be glad to offer your fathers your severed heads"

He wishes to talk back - but his mouth doesn't work. It's Clytius taking his voice away, right behind them - holding a scyther that is not unfamiliar. Is the same scyther that took Uranus manhood - the same one that cut him to pieces and reduced him to the sky.

"We take an arm from the daughter of the earth, blood and flesh, so that her connection with the ground is given to our Mother, so she is able to reclaim her dominion."

There's blood everywhere. Hazel's left arm is twitching on the floor, and she lets out an ear-splitting scream, before passing out.

"We take the ability from reproduce from the son of the sea, blood and flesh, so that his fertility will be given to our Mother, so she is able to reproduce again, the ability his father took from her."

Jason feels like the world is spinning. They will... they... they want to castrate him. He sees Hazel's blood staining the marble and the floor, running through his skin, and he wants to vomit - but something is preventing him from doing so.

Hazel is paling fast - she'll be dead in thirty minutes if they don't stop the bleeding. But he can't move. He can't help. A scream strangles in his throat.

If Hazel's voice was able to cut through Clytius magic, would his powers too? If he focused enough if he stretched himself enough.

Jason forces himself to stop thinking about the chanting, and focus. He imagines Nico - with no family, losing Hazel. Or Frank and Leo. Or Perseus. He pushes and pushes.

He doesn't find a source of water - but he feels her blood. He can stop it from coming out - just for a second, just for a minute, just until they rescue them.

They are going to rescue them. They are - none of them are dying today. They have to survive this war.

Jason focuses his thoughts on good things. After this, he is going to go to college. He is going to spend time with his sister. He'll work on greek-roman relations. He'll ask the male Praetor on a date. He'll punch Octavian. Everything will be just fine.

The scyther is just over Clytius head, ready to strike when an arrow takes its place in his eye. Thalia, mounted on Pegasus, barges in. The horse is bigger than Clytius - and he takes their chains, before flying off to the arena.

Thalia cuts his chains - throwing a gladius at him. Hazel is still passed out - curled into herself in the ground. Jason stands before her, still doing his best to keep her blood inside. It won't work for long.

The giants follow them - but to no effect. The ship crashes between them, the demigods jumping off - armed to the teeth. With a scream of war, the Amazons and the other Hunters come flying in their own Pegasi.

Reyna is not with them - Jason hopes, not for the first time, that the demigod settlements are in peace. That they won't have to deal with two battlefronts.

It's not the time for petty wars. They should be here, helping, if they were not caught up in past fights of over a hundred years ago. Gaea is much more urgent than whatever they are debating.

These fighters are not enough - they are fighting a losing battle. No gods are coming, and between immortal hunters and Amazons, no one is a deity.

Jason starts thinking he is hallucinating - wishful thinking - for the sky opens, and from there descents all the Olympians and Hecate. Nike is the first to appear, guiding the chariot of Zeus, a scream of battle in her lips.

Juno is in a chariot guided by peacocks. Behind her, Aphrodite - that's not Venus, but Jason has never seen Aphrodite so ready for war. There are no doves or flowers in her - just a giant bow and arrow and a spear, riding in a horse side by side with her husband and her lover.

All twelve Olympians, plus Hades, plus the Fates, plus Trivia, Nike, Juventa, Bia, and Enyo. Proserpina is not there - nor the court of Atlantis.

Jason can't help but think is too little too late. Why they didn't show before? Before Hazel lost her leg? Before Malcolm died? Before Perseus fell? Before this journey took everything from them?

The gods pair off with their children - Hades with Perseus, Athena with Annabeth, Aphrodite with Piper, Mars with Frank, Zeus with Nico, Hephaestus with Leo, Juno with Hylla, Thalia with Poseidon.

Before pairing with Will - who looks reluctant to do it - Apollo comes to them. Jason is good enough to go - but he won't leave Hazel.

"I can't regrow her arm - not here, not now. And never, if it has been amputated by a titan weapon. The best I can do is close it."

Jason is so tired of the gods being unable to do stuff they should be capable of, but he sighs and nods. Hazel's color starts coming back, even if she doesn't wake up.

It's Trivia who comes to take the place of Jason. He stalls - he doesn't trust any deity anymore with the well-being of his friends - but they are not much, and they need him to fight. He joins Ceres as she raises a sickle to go against her bane - Asterius.

The hunters follow their mistress and Amazons divide themselves between the remaining gods - Dyonisus and Mercury - and they attack.

It's not enough. They are stretched too thin. Clytius is the only fallen one after thirty minutes of battle - Trivia burns him down in rage for her acolyte and makes a still groggy Hazel make a little cut on so he dissolves.

Perseus fights alongside his father, mounting Mrs. O'Leary as he does Cerberus. Small Bob can't die unless struck by celestial bronze, so the giant's effort to kill the creature is useless. Both of them don't hold back. It's the first time he really remembers his training with the Lord of the Dead. But mostly, he remembers Persephone too, and the gardens of the Underworld.

Percy has to go back to her. To his stepmom, and his mom, and his other stepmom. He has to go back to his life - the life he can barely remember now, but that was everything for him.

He has to go back to the gardens and the lakes, to blue cookies and bare feet. At least one of the rulers had to be in the Underworld, so Persephone is waiting for them to come back.

It gives Perseus strength. They have to win, so the earth can prosper - so that they can go back to the Underworld. So he can meet Thanatos, and play with Cerberus, and debate with Charon. So that they can be a family.

They keep fighting, but even with Perseus renewed will, there's no winning. Alcyoneus retorts them blow for blow and they tire quickly. Hades turns to him - there's a grim expression in his face when he throws his helmet to Perseus.

Perseus notices to late what his father is about to do - and is unable to prevent it.

"FATHER"

It's the first time he recognizes it. Hades has always been the lord of the dead to him - he only ever called him father in mockery. But this time, it's yelled in anguish.

"Tell Kore that I love her."

A giant blow from the Lord of the Dead makes both of them stumble. The giant falls to the floor, but not before running his sword through Hades' neck.

It's the first god to fall, and when Perseus cuts Alcyoneus' head in return, he stays dead. But it's not enough, because Hades is dead.

He'll have to tell Kore. Kore that loves Hades so much that she leaves the surface for months on end to stay with him. He'll have to tell her that he wasn't enough to save Hades.

Cerberus whine loudly and tries to wake his master - he sniffs at the ground soiled by ichor. No giant is able to approach the body or Perseus - Cerberus growls at every enemy who tries. Small Bob stays by his side, fighting alongside him.

A tear escapes his eye. After so much time, so much resentment, he didn't think he would care. His father lies on the floor like a puppet with the strings cut - and Perseus rages. He closes his father's eyes but doesn't stop - there's still a war going on, so he puts on the Helm of Darkness and goes on to join Ceres and Jason.

A scream rings through the arena - is Poseidon, noticing his oldest brother is gone. He throws his trident at Polybotes head - between him and Thalia, the giant is gone in the next ten minutes.

The god of the sea runs through the field, stepping through dead bodies and avoiding the corner where Trivia is taking care of Hazel. He clutches his brother's prone body and cries, ichor staining his clothes. Cerberus whines at his sound - it's heartbreaking.

Across the field, all four siblings cry together for their fallen brother, but none of them as badly as Poseidon. There's a cold spreading through the field - and soon enough, the sky opens again.

It's Vesta. The last Olympian - the one who stayed behind to tend to the hearth. But now, she looked as fiery as her nephew - descending from the sky with no armor or chariot. The eldest child.

Family - that's Vesta domain. Perseus never saw her fight, but she does this time - throwing herself against the closest giant - Gration.

But Hades is not the last to fall.

Between Jason and Perseus, there's no match for Asterius. Ceres cuts his head off, still sobbing for her son-in-law and brother, sobbing for her widowed child. It doesn't help when her sister falls by her side - Juno, in full battle armor, is cut in half by Eurymedon.

Perseus thinks it might be a scene worthy of being painted - her lifeless eyes stare at the sky, as her crown rolls off her and stops at the giant's feet. Hylla keeps on fighting - now joined by her mother, who changes from Enyo to Bellona.

Zeus, in rage for his wife's death, kills Porphyrion before striking against Eurymedon with his general and her daughter. Nico, even if he never cared for Juno, follows suit - there's a path of destruction behind them, where lightning bolts hit the floor and filled the ground with craters.

Dyonisus kills Elphiates with his oldest daughter by his side, but his brother doesn't die as easily. Athena is still fighting against Enceladus - Annabeth striking the giant from all angles, in perfect synchrony with her mother, with help from Nike, who shields them both with her wings.

Mars and Mercury fight against Hippolytus - but he is faster than even the god of travelers, and evade them at every turn. Frank is a dragon, and then an elephant, and a snake - but nothing hits the giant.

After a blow on the arm by Bia, Periboea spears the still masculine body of Piper. Her blood falls from in-between her legs as Aphrodite - scarier than even Ares - runs her spear through the giantess's eye, killing her.

To save her daughter, Aphrodite shifts her completely into a girl - it's jarring, and something that takes adaptation, but the only way she can keep fighting without dropping.

But it's too late, the damage is done. Gaea is awake, by the seed of a daughter of the sea. Perseus exchanges a look with Leo through the fray - Mimas is just defeated, as Hephaestus smashed his head in with his hammer, but he regenerates quickly as if nothing happened.

There's no winning anymore. The fallen giants don't rise again - the Doors are closed - but the seven remaining ones don't die either - Enceladus, Eurymedon, Orion, Mimas, Otis, Hippolytus, and Thoon - their mother healing all their injuries.

The gods that killed their banes rally together against Gaea - but it's futile. It's just like Perseus in Tartarus - there's no battling a primordial in their own turf.

Will leaves his father to battle Orion, with his sister and the hunters - as Gration lays, probably dead, across the feet of his brother, courtesy of Vesta - and joins the duo.

The three of them sprint through the muddy ground, and onto Festus. There's no winning from Gaea on the ground - but they might have one way.

"Don't let me die, okay?"

Will and Percy join hands across Leo's forehead - and try to bless him the best they can, without being gods themselves. A green sheen covers Leo - and this might be it.

Leo mounts Festus - now again a giant dragon - and rises to the sky. It is enough to attract the Earth. She leaves her battle against Vesta, Aphrodite, Bia, Poseidon, and Ceres - to go after the dragon.

"Trying to escape me, my little demigod?"

An explosion of fire rocks the sky. It's not enough to kill Gaea, but between Zeus' thunder and Leo's explosion, the primordial is unconscious.

Perseus focuses - on keeping Leo's soul in his body. Will, by his side, shines as Apollo himself - there's a sheen of sweat in his face. It might've worked

None of them have the power to kill her now - just the union of all the remaining Olympians would even be capable of rendering her asleep again.

They can't find Festus or Leo - Perseus renders this as a good sign, the sign that their powers were enough.

But for now, with her unconscious, she can't heal the giants. So the remaining gods do quick work of killing them - the last to fall is Eurymedon, with Zeus' bolt across his forehead.

The king of the gods falls on his knees and weeps. Juno is dead. Hades is dead. There are six hunters and twenty amazons remaining - from tens and hundreds.

Mrs. O'Leary died - from a stray arrow. Cerberus paws the ground where her dust is - Perseus can't even imagine his puppy back on Tartarus.

Nike - both wings pointing into different sides, spine broken by Enceladus foot - is sprawled on the ground. Her unblinking eyes stare at Athena, who is holding her hand.

"Did... did we... win?"

"Y-yes"

"Give them the... the crowns... don't forget..."

"I won't"

"There's no... no friends.... in victory. I wish I had... someone."

"I am your friend, Nike"

"My best one... don't let them forget.... champions don't die..."

"Never"

She gags in her own blood. It drips around her chin. It's the first time Perseus sees Athena cry. It hits him - they, all of them, have known each other for thousands of years.

Mars is crying by his mother's head, his spear broken on his feet. Juventa, burned blonde hair blowing around her face, hugs Hephaestus as he cries for their mother - the one that never cared for them, but that was their mother anyway.

Vesta has Hades head on her lap, while his body lays broken on the floor. Ceres is trying to calm Poseidon - but the god of the sea can't stop crying.

On the other side of the Arena, most demigods are together around Hazel - Will is explaining about Leo, but most of them look hopeless. Hazel is crying in Frank's arms.

Eight of them are here - Hazel is missing an arm, Piper went through a jarring body change and Frank has a broken leg - but eight of them are alive, and there's hope for Leo.

Perseus stands in the middle - not joining the gods or the demigods. He looks at the ichor stained floor, the upcoming battle against Gaea looming. Cerberus and Small Bob are together on each side of him.

Apollo - from where he is laying with his unconscious, but alive, sister - raises to help the demigods. None of them are happy about any godly presence - but they need treatment, so they let it happen.

Perseus is the first to break the silence after everyone is healed. Some gods are still crying - but there's no time for grief now. He doesn't look at where his father lays dead - he can't process this right now.

"We... we need to go. To Long Island. We need reinforcements - the war isn't over."

"We need to recharge" Is Hephaestus that retorts "There's no way we can fight right now. Maybe in a day or so but..."

"I don't think we have this time." Jason points "We could try and stall things, prepare... Can you send us there?"

"I can" Say Pegasus, who was fighting alongside Thalia.

Perseus wants not to care. To say that Juno or Nike deserved it. But it's not fair - not even them deserve to die, to go back to the void or Tartarus to reform or be lost for centuries.

Annabeth, however, sits in her corner with the ghost of a smile in her lips - so many demigod's lifes lost for them, for their petty struggles, and now they have to pay the price too. Everyone is paying the price now.

If they helped before, if they didn't spend months cooperating with Juno's useless plan, perhaps now no one would be dead. They could have united the demigods without waisting eight months on stupid missions to kill giants - just for them to come back.

If they stopped thinking about their "oh so bad" split personalities, maybe they could've made this journey quicker, instead of letting them spend two months going in side-quests, fighting minor gods, and retrieving useless information.

So yes, Annabeth is vindicated. This - all of this, those deaths, the ichor soiling the ground - it's their fault.

Piper feels tired. This - this body, this recognition from her mother - is all she ever wanted. But now that she has it, she can't even appreciate it. Was it worth it? She would give everything back for Perseus' leg, Hazel's arm, Malcolm, Leo.

She looks at their mismatched little family - and remembers that yesterday, they had lunch together - all of them. It was not the best moment, but they were laughing.

They could've been happy. If they weren't demigods, most of them would be in college by now. They wouldn't be broken.

Perseus solves to travel by shadows with Cerberus - he still has his father's Helm, and the immortal horse won't let him mount with it. He feels sick - that's his father's dog and his father's armor. But that's their chance of survival.

No god look at him when he melts into the darkness - it's too fresh, too painful. Part of their family is dead.

She jumps on the Pegasus, holding Hazel up - she can barely hold on to her brother in front of her. The wound is closed, but the daughter of Jupiter is off-balance - there's nothing on her right side.

Hazel closes her eyes and rests her head across Nico's back - she is so tired. Leo is gone - maybe forever - and she doesn't have an arm. There's nothing there - nothing. She goes to move and she forgets it for a second - but then she tries to hold tighter to Nico and can't.

Nico feels his sister's tears on the back of his shirt and holds tight to Frank - who is almost strangling Will in his efforts not to panic - he is flying over the sea.

Jason is behind Piper - he is the last one - and he is much more comfortable. That's his half brother after all.

They land in Long Island after ten painful hours - and Will seethes, because their journey could have been so easy, so small - but the gods were too occupied by their insignificant problems that they had to journey for months.

One after the other, they dismount just shy of the river - Jason thinks the naiads look mad when Frank vomits all over their water.

"Flying on a ship is a thing. Flying on a horse is another."

He stills looks queasy when they cross the Pavillion. There's no one there, which is weird because it's morning. There's no one anywhere.

Perseus - powered by the Helm - is the first to get there - almost two hours before them. And the first thing he listens makes him utterly mad.

"Give our soldiers back - or Nova Roma will strike back!"

It's Octavian's voice coming from the hill that harbors Thalia's tree - and Perseus sighs. He looks at himself - he needs a shower, and sleep, and food. They need traps. They don't need a second war.

He is in no condition to fight right now. So he'll have to put his diplomatic skills to use - just the reminder of his father's death sparks a dull pain in his chest - still covered in ichor and dust, his ax slung over his shoulder.

Cerberus stays by his side. Perseus sends Small Bob to Persephone through the old Labyrinth entrance - he needs the big dog, but the skeleton tiger would just be easy prey.

"TWELVE LEGION, STOP"

Perseus looks mightly tired as he takes on the scene - the greeks following Clarisse, Connor, and Lou, the Romans following Octavian and Mike Kahale. Reyna between them, with the gigantic statue.

The demigod looks between his first and his second family, none that he ever fit right, both of which he was the leader, and hold on to Cerberus.

"We - and by we, I mean nine of us, greeks and Romans, the Amazons, and the hunters - just defeated fifteen giants, with the gods. In Athens. We could've - and should've - had reinforcements."

"Percy-" Connor starts, but Percy raises a hand to stop him. There are shadows curling against his arms - his celestial bronze leg shines under the Athena Parthenos.

"I may have been gone for a while, but I'm still your leader - and their Praetor. You choose me to lead - both of you. Me, and Reyna, and Annabeth, and Frank, and Jason."

"Praetor Jackson-"

"Shut the hell up Octavian, this is all your fucking fault" Intercedes Reyna.

"I went through Tartarus - for a month - because of that damned statue, to close the Doors so you could be safe. I don't care about your petty little problems now - Earth has risen."

"IT'S A LIE, IT'S ALL LIES" Screeches Octavian.

"How can you know? You were here, raising trouble and creating unnecessary problems while we went on the freaking mission to save the world."

Octavian tries to reply, but Reyna's sword in his throat stops him.

"My father is dead. The gods are coming - but we need to stall Gaea. There's no time for this."

"I say kill him." Replies Reyna.

"I agree." Says Perseus, to the surprise of no one "We're the Praetors of Nova Roma. Our word is the law. For treason against our people, you're condemned to death, Octavian Simmons."

"Apollo will curse you for this!" Are his last words as Reyna cuts his head off. Mike Kahale backs down - no one would dare to go against them, not when Perseus is holding the symbol of his father in his hands and the Guardian of Hell in his side.

"Now that... that was solved, let's prepare for the true war. Gaea is coming - in hours from now. We have to hold on until the gods come."

They enter the Camp - the Greeks and the Romans aren't a unit, but at least they all trust Perseus, who sits on the top of the amphitheater with Reyna, and they wait until the others get there. Jason is the first to come to sit down by them - followed by the other six.

"I won't ask you to trust each other. I ask you to fight - with all that you can. Juno and Pluto, or Hera and Hades, are dead." Cries erupt from that, but silence quickly at Reyna's fulminant look "Nike, or Victory, has also fallen. Pray for your parents - burn food, whatever - so that they can take strength. They should be here in a few hours. We just need to hold on."

"Romans and Greeks - no one will survive if we don't fight. Together. For now, you take your orders from Reyna and Clarisse." It's Jason who completes.

Reyna and Clarisse sit down to discuss ideas - they don't trust each other, but are both daughters of war - and their objectives are simple. Lou goes to call her brother as Connor joins the table - Alabaster apparently refused to join the battle against the Romans.

While Romans and Greeks trade strategies and weapons, the travelers rest. Perseus is the first to fall asleep - holding his father's Helm of Darkness like a teddy bear, while most of the others keep their distance from it.

Cerberus makes the campers stay away from the eight. Two of his heads sleep and one keeps growling at whoever gets too close.

Annabeth is the last to fall asleep - she joins the strategy group for about thirty minutes before joining her quest mates behind the giant dog - it sniffs at her. She wonders if remembers the red rubber ball.

They have eleven hours to plan and rest. It's a miracle - Leo managed to knock Gaea down for 21 hours, almost a day.

At least is enough time for everyone to sleep and eat and plan traps. It won't be enough against the primordial, but it might just hold her for a while. They have no way of causing explosions to Leo's proportion - at least they have numbers.

Gaea rises from the earth like an evil mountain - she is the ground. Some of them - the ones on bare earth - die immediately, sucked into the mud as it turns to quicksand.

Frank takes the lead as the whole army charges against the goddess, striking again and again in every part they can find.

They last the three hours before the gods appear - but they lose two-thirds of their forces. Mangled corpses are everywhere on the battlefield.

The gods win - against a tired Gaea - without major losses for themselves. There's no need to recount their battle, for they will lord about it for many centuries.

What counts, however, is the deaths on the demigods' side - the ones who will be forgotten in the shadow of their parents' victory.

Connor sobs over the almost unrecognizable body of his brother, who died holding hands with Katie Gardner, being veiled by her sister, Miranda.

Hazel is helping Alabaster to find his sister, who missing somewhere in the rubble with the other 56 demigods, who are unaccounted for. The first they find is Clarisse - her still hot corpse trying in vain to protect Chris Rodriguez.

Jason holds Thalia's circlet - the only remaining thing of the Lieutenant of Artemis, who came into the battle with her mistress and died to save her. There are just two hunters alive. The sister he barely knows - and won't ever have the chance now.

Piper holds on to him - she can't bear to look as Mitchell and Ariel mourn little Lacy, killed by a fallen tree. Drew died taking a stone to the head for Piper - she doesn't know how to feel about it.

Will would help - but sadness devours him. Of his whole Cabin, he is the sole survivor. All greek children of Apollo are gone. His boyfriend is also dead - his metal foot caught on the quicksand, and he was swallowed by the earth.

Nyssa mourns her siblings - Jake, Leo, Thalassa, Kira. There's only six of them now - back to where they were just after the first war.

Reyna is alive - although with half of her face burned. Hylla - the last of the Amazons - hovers over her, tending to her injuries.

The smaller cabins help each other - there wasn't a lot of them at first, and now there is even less. Cabin 17 has no demigod alive - and won't ever house one again.

Frank is helping the legion to unearth the bodies and rescue the survivors - it's weird to see a giant mole with only an eye. He is the one who holds Hazel's hand as they have to break Lou Ellen's arm to take her from under a pillar.

Grover died protecting Juniper from Gaea's earthquakes. He became a little juniper tree, side by side with hers. Coach Hedge is the only satyr from Camp Half-Blood left.

But maybe the worst scene is where the Pavillion once was - Perseus Jackson is flicking in and off, large gashes in his torso. Hazel is the one to find him. Most of the survivors - and the eight travelers - stop to look. It's their leader, their savior.

Nico holds his head as blood pools under them - the irony, Perseus took a boulder in the chest for him, flying across the Camp at the end of the battle, and Nico was again unable to catch the hero.

Annabeth sobs over his body, screaming. She lost Luke to the gods. She lost Thalia to the gods. She lost Malcolm to the gods. She lost Leo to the gods. She lost Grover to the gods. Everyone is gone - she won't lose Perseus too.

"FIX HIM" She screams at Apollo "FIX HIM"

Apollo shakes his head sadly. In his benefit, he managed to save all demigods who still held on after battle - and most of their limbs - but Perseus is too far gone.

"FIX HIM! HE SAVED YOU. ALL OF YOU. HE DESERVES TO LIVE!"

"Annabeth, he is beyond-"

"YOU ARE GODS! WHAT ARE YOU FOR?"

"We can't, child"

Annabeth doesn't relent. She lost too much. She lost everything. They took all she was, all she had. She won't fail Perseus.

"Immortalize him."

"Annabeth, no-"

"Shut up, Nico" She barks. There's a mad look in her eyes. "You didn't let Heracles die, and he deserved it far less. Save Percy. Make him a god. You have the Fates right there."

Most of the gods look uncertain. Perseus denied immortality the last time - but they couldn't let the hero die.

"DO IT"

No one disagrees with her. Most of their friends - the ones who know Perseus better, who aren't blinded by grief - look horrified.

Nico would argue strongly - but he promised himself that no harm would come upon Perseus after Tartarus. So he backs off - better than he hates them forever than dead.

Zeus is the one who finally takes a step forward. Perseus soul is almost leaving him - it's now or never.

"All in agreement?"

The gods nod and raise their hands over his prone body. It burns so brightly everyone has to look away

When they look again, there's Perseus - still missing a leg, but better than ever. He looks like his father - uncannily so. There are tears in the corners of Ceres's eyes. Poseidon can't look.

Juventa brings the jar of nectar - she is the one who can grant eternal life, the one who guards over her mother's apples. She puts the jar to his lips, and the boy - the god - wakes up, disoriented.

"W-what... h-how am I here? I-I was with Charles and... and Ethan..." He mumbles under his breath, looking lost.

The Fates look at him - but there's no pity in their eyes. He sees again the blue line being cut - is his life. It's gone. Even before they speak, he knows what happened.

"Earthopener, The Silent One, The Rich One, Lord of the Dead. Hail Perseus, the Underworld God"

[thefloatingstone]

If you’re doing Self Quarintine (and you should be if you can help it) here’s some Youtube recommendations! Some of these I have posted about or recommended before but with almost all of us stuck indoors now’s a good time to remind you of some cool things you can watch for free!

I’m not gonna imbed the videos, I’ll just post the link because otherwise I would only able to post 5 and I want to collect a few so you can make a playlist or something. (I could make a playlist too but then I couldn’t tell you what each video is and you can’t pick and choose which one sounds interesting to you)

In no particular order:

Polybius: The video Game that doesn’t exist

An hour long documentary in which the youtuber did extensive research to find the origin of the “Polybius” Urban Legend, which speaks of an early arcade game reportedly seen around the early 1980s which reportedly gave people migraines, insomnia, nausea, subliminal messages, and in some cases heart attacks.

The Universal S

A shorter video in which LEMMiNO does his very best to try and track down where exactly this S that we all drew in middle school comes from? Why does literally every country on earth seem to HAVE their children draw this S?

I also recommend LEMMiNO’s video on the Dayltov Pass Incident and the perplexing UFO cases

Down the Rabbit Hole: Henry Darger

Fredrick Knudsen has an incredible fascinating series called “Down the Rabbit Hole” which simply focuses on... anything you can discover and go digging into. From weird internet personalities, to bizarre happenings in history. This video is about the artist Henry Darger, a man who lived in the early 1900s and for all intents and purposes had a perfectly average, lonely life, until it was discovered just before his death he had spent literally decades writing and drawing a fantasy world in what is possibly the longest piece of literature ever written.

I also recommend his video on the Hurdy Gurdy

Bedtime Stories Channel

I’m actually just gonna link the whole channel for “Bedtime Stories”. If you like weird and creepy stories, all of which at least claim to be “true” then Bedtime Stories is great. Coupled by illustrations and subtle sound effects, Bedtime Stories is literally listening to someone tell you a story about such things like hikers who mysteriously went missing, Sightings of Bog Men in Florida and giant Birds over Chernobyl, as well as weird and unsettling murders that remain unsolved. Sometimes the facts are a little dubious or have been disproved, but that’s not the point of the channel. It’s here to tell a creepy story, not give you a documentary.

A Journey Through Rule of Rose

Rule of Rose is a Survival Horror gave for the PS2 which has rather bad gameplay... but a FASCINATING story with just as many layers and symbolism as Silent Hill 2 could boast. It tells the story of one young woman traveling back into her own childhood in an orphanage in the 1930s, and all the horrors that contains. From repressed grief, abusive relationships, child neglect, abuse, and bullying... but it ALSO contains symbolism of societal class structure, politics, eating the rich, and how power structures work. Not for the faint of heart, but HIGHLY recommended.

I also super highly recommend his video on the similarities between Silent Hill 2 and Solaris

Clemps Reviews Crisis Core

Mr. Clemps is a great internet gamer who reviews JRPGs and other games he simply enjoys. Sprinkling in a heavy dose of comedy and very fast jokes and observations, Clemps’ videos are always upbeat, fun, and incredibly enjoyable to watch. I’m linking part 1 of his Crisis Core video in which he explains why the PSP game remains a personal favourite of his despite its flaws.

I also recommend his video on Eternal Sonata

Defunct TV: The History of Dragon Tales

Defunctland is a channel that deals with theme parks and theme park rides that are no longer standing, or which are no longer around in their current form. Defunctland also has a sub series though, called “Defunct TV” where they look at the origin of children’s TV which are no longer airing. I recommend the video on Dragon Tales which is incredibly wholesome, and a genuinely uplifting and soft story of good people trying to make good things for children. (I also recommend the videos on Bear in the Big Blue House, Zoboomafoo, and Legends of the Hidden Temple)

Hagan’s Histories of Polar Exploration

A Playlist for Diamanda Hagan’s videos about the doomed Franklin Expedition from the late 1800s, where England tried to find a passage through the Northern Arctic to the Pacific Ocean. This went horribly horribly wrong, with every member of the Expedition dead. Over a 100 years later we are still fuzzy on what EXACTLY happened, but apart from the arctic chill, there is also evidence of faulty canned food, a series of bad decisions, and cannibalism. Caution advised for this series.

I also recommend the rest of Diamanda Hagan’s channel. She is NOT for everyone, but if you enjoy somebody reviewing Z grade indie movies as well as just BIZARRE films, really bad Christian media bordering on Science Fiction (without making fun of religion itself) hot takes of classic (and modern) Dr. Who, an introduction to Red Dwarf, She’s an EXCELLENT channel to check out.

Good Bad or Bad Bad: Pass Thru

A half podcast half review show where two guys watch a terrible film, decide if it’s “Good” Bad or just Bad Bad and tell you if you should watch it too.

That’s it. That’s the whole show.

I recommend diving into the untold madness that is one of the best(?) bad film makers currently still producing batshit insane movies, the immortal Niel Breen.

There is literally nothing I can say that’ll prepare you for Niel Breen.

(I also recommend their more recent video for “Dancin’ It’s on!”)

History Buffs: Apollo 13

Do you like History? Do you like movies ABOUT History? Do you want to know if the movies about history you watch actually resemble what really happened in any way at all? History Buffs is an EXCELLENT channel, which does talk about the merit of a film itself, but is mainly focused on letting you know just how true to life that historical film you watch is. I highly recommend his longest video which covers the space race between the USA and the USSR, leading to what is known as “The most Successful Failure in NASA’s History”. The Infamous Apollo 13 and where the words “Houston, we have a problem” came from.

If you’re not interested in Apollo 13 however, I also recommend his video on the movie Casino, as well as his video on the female philosopher, Agora.

The Internet Historian: The Goodening of No Man’s Sky

With videos with literally MILLIONS of views, you probably already know the Internet Historian. But I still want to recommend him very highly because his videos are just THAT good and entertaining. I recommend his newest video, documenting that time we were all pissed off about No Man’s Sky, the difficulties the game studio was in when the game released, and how they have been working hard to finally create what is now a truly brilliant game which is winning major awards. A really good underdog story of how a video game company actually saw what was wrong with their game, and FIXED it.

I also recommend his video on Fallour 76 as well as the Failure of Dashcon

8 Creepy Video game mysteries

Hey. Did you know that sometimes there’s some REALLY weird shit in video games, hidden easter eggs which took literal decades to find as well as just a lot of “what the actual fuck?”. Oddheader is a channel with a dedicated discord and Reddit form solely focusing on trying to find or replicate bizarre video game finds, mysteries, and hidden glitches. Even if it means getting in his car and driving to a specific arcade just to check a rumour about Street Fighter II’s arcade version. So if you like getting spooked by weird game shit that’s not just some dumb creepypasta, this is a great place to start.

I also recommend his video on weird discoveries in DVDs and movies.

Red Letter Media: Best of the Worst

Look you already know who Red Letter Media is.

You know... these guys:

Here’s a video of them and Macaulay Culkin watching 3 terrible movies together.

I recommend literally any and all of their videos. Their discussion on Carpenter’s The Thing is amazing.

The Impact of Akira: The film that changed Everything

Ok trying to pick just ONE Super Eyepatch Wolf video is literal torture. Originally I was going to suggest his recent video on Final Fantasy 7 for the PSone but I realised I recommended something FF7 related with Clemps, so instead I will recommend The Impact of Akira, a video talking in depth about Akira both as a film as well as a manga, how it completely and utterly changed the anime industry both in Japan as well as the west, and why it is still a meaningful and one of the most important anime/manga even to this day, still being unsurpassed despite so much competition.

However, ALL of Wolf’s videos are incredible, so I also recommend his videos on wrestling (despite me not caring about wrestling at all), His video on how media scares us, The bizarre reality of modern Simpsons, Why the Dragon Ball Z manga is great, and literally any other video he’s made. He hasn’t made one bad video yet.

Was Oblivion as Good as I remember?

Exactly what it says on the tin. The Salt Factory goes back to playing The Elder Scrolls Oblivion and now with hindsight and modern sensibilities, gives feedback on his experience and whether Oblivion still holds up. This isn’t a super in depth review of the game’s mechanics or how its put together or how it was made. This is simply one guy talking about his experience replaying it with somejokes thrown in and how he felt revisiting it. It’s pretty good.

I also recommend the video he did on Morrowind (because I’m biased).

Weird Japan Only PS1 games

Thor High Heels is SO GOOD and deserves SO MUCH MORE subs than he currently has. THH focuses a lot of obscure and lesser known games as well as big popular titles like the Yakuza series, talking about what he likes about them, what he thinks is cool, and just what kind of atmosphere and mood a certain game has, even if the game itself is kind of ass. He’s done several videos on games that were only released in Japan, as well as videos talking about the fashion in Squaresoft games and how it inspired as well as was inspired by real world street fashion, the aesthetic of PC-98 games and other topics. He also styles his videos and thumbnails after promotional art for video games from the 90s and generally just has an excellent style to his channel over all. Very chill.

Blue Reflection Review

ValkyrieAurora is a channel run by Sophie where she talks about games she personally likes and enjoys. Her videos are really laid back and her voice is really calm and pleasant to listen to. She’s made a bit of a reputation for herself as “The channel that talks about the Atelier Games” and general is just a really enjoyable channel worth checking out if you just want something soothing to listen to.

Ancient Chinese Historians Describe Japan

Voices from the Past is a channel were historical text is read out loud in english. These can be anything like the above video where Chinese historians describe the people of Japan around 297 AD, Accounts of “Dog-Men”, or the worlds oldest letter of complaint from 1750 BC. If you’d like something interesting historically to listen to but don’t want a full blown history lesson, this is a really good way to hear contemporary people talk about their experiences and what they thought about each other in their own words, without opinions or input given by the narrator.

The Most Mysterious Song on the Internet

Whang! is a channel that covers weird internet stories, some horrifying, some curious and interesting, and some just plain weird. His video on The Most Mysterious Song on the Internet and its update, are about a song which was recorded off the radio in Germany around the 1980s, and after one person online asked if anyone knew who the artist was as they couldn’t find any information, led to the realization that NOBODY online knows where this song came from or who sang it. It’s a fun mystery to look into that, unlike some others on this list, is not creepy or unsettling, although perhaps a little frustrating.

I also recommend his video on The Most Mysterious Anime theme song, and the haunted Ebay Painting.

5 Lost, Destroyed, and Locked away Broadcasts

Yesterworld is similar to the Defunctland channel in that it talks about obsolete rides, theme parks and other forgotten pieces of entertainment. Although the majority of the channel focuses on movie rides, rollercoasters and Disneyland, I recommend the video on lost and locked away broadcasts which you can no longer see. I also recommend the video about Lost and Rediscovered movie props.

The Nightmare Artist

I talked about this one recently as I just discovered this channel. This video is about the renowned Polish artist Zdzislaw Beksinski who painted surreal and horrifying paintings during his lifetime. There is no mystery here or anything like that, it merely talks about the impact WWII left on Beksinski and how the trauma his country and people suffered influenced his painting, and how certain images and motifs can be seen to directly reference this terrible part of Poland’s history.

Disabilities in Prehistory

Modern media likes to portray how “savage” the ancient past is, and tell us stories of how any person born with a deformity or disability would be thrown over a cliff or dumped in a well because they would be too big a drain on a community to look after. But here’s the thing... according to archaeological evidence, it turns out our ancient ancestors actually did their best to look after its disabled members to the best of their abilities. This video talks about archaeological finds of people who had genetic disabilities and what we can learn from their remains. TREY the Explainer is a great channel for archaeology and also talking about what answers we could have for sightings of cryptids. (not ALL of which we have answers for)

I also recommend his video on Pre-Contact dogs as well as Homosexuality in Nature and the Genetic History of the Ainu.

Decoding “The Secret: A treasure Hunt”

“The Secret” was an art book released in the 80s full of beautiful paintings, but it is also more than that. The book has a fantasy story talking about 12 fantastical races who left wonderful treasures for humans to find,and the book’s paintings and riddles will tell you where you can find each of these treasures which are yours to keep if you can solve the puzzle... and the treasures are 100% true and can actualy be found and claimed, if you can solve the riddles in the book. The video tells the story of the artbook, who was behind it, what the treasures are, how many have been found and various other facts and details.

I also recommend the videos on this channel “The Game: A scavenger Hunt” and “The investigation of Erratas”.

5 Ancient Inventions That Were WAY Ahead Of Their Time

I would recommend you be careful with this channel as its main focus is existentialism and rather alarming topics such as “how close are we to the apocalypse” and other things whose titles alone are enough to upset me. However this video is nothing like that. This video is exactly what the title suggests it is. 5 ancient inventions that were so incredibly ahead of their time you’d think they were made up. From the computer used by ancient Greeks to steel swords we don’t know how to replicate, this video is a great mix of mystery and history.

Although I caution you with this channel, I recommend Joe’s other videos about mysterious books, as well as his video on the most inbred people in history.

However, I know I keep repeating this, I highly recommend caution with this channel. Perhaps its just me and the topics of life and existent are just triggering for me, but I’d recommend maybe just doing a search for the titles I mentioned and not to go searching through the video library unless you’re not bothered by this kind of thing.

-

Anyway I could keep going, but I think that’s a LARGE amount of videos to keep you occupied for the time being as well as some suggestions for further viewing.

Please enjoy, let me know if you found something interesting, and look after yourself!

If you enjoyed this list at all, please consider tipping me for a coffee

☕️ Ko-fi ☕️

[plum-pudding-and-honey]

MONTHLY RANGE : Eight & Charley

Storm Warning - 3.5/5 : the plot is not the best thing I've ever seen but it's still a good introduction story for Eight on audio and to be fair it just made me want to drop everything and hop after him. I like Charley's background but I really just can't stand her. I don't hate her, she's interesting and I totally understand that people love her but I've never really warmed up to her. I also have a problem with the "classic" format : 4 episodes of 20-30 minutes which, sure, allows the writers to give the story and the characters more development, but which I find particularly long. I just find it very hard to focus for two hours, unless the story is very compelling

Sword of Orion - 3/5 : (god this is loooong) The atmosphere was interesting, so was Deeva (although I thought her being an android was quite obvious but wtv). The other side characters were all quite boring though and I couldn't bring myself to care about them. The android/human war was also an interesting point, it's a shame it didn't get developed more than that

The Stones of Venice - 1.5/5 : Oh my God do I hate this. Two hours which felt more like six hours of whining and complaining and "Estella, my beloved, forgive me here" and in the end, I'm not even sure whether I want to kill the Duke or myself. Just... zero empathy for this guy and Estella. Pietro was a bit more interesting although fish gondoliers who have evolved to survive the sinking of the city? Really? No. (Not just because evolution doesn't happen over a hundred years. Try a million.) Churchwell was equally annoying (I mean, as a librarian, I'm all for art preservation but have some decency here man) and the cult, well I've got no opinion whatsoever on them, that's how useless they are in all of this. The only thing that kinda made this thing worthwhile was this bit of conversation between the Doctor, Charley and that gondolier guy about the Duke waiting a hundred years for Estella and how Charley points out how long it is waiting for someone to return and how Eight DID wait a hundred years before seeing Fitz again and I'm not okay about this (and this was released shortly after Escape Velocity was published so I'm definitely gonna take this as a Fitz reference fight me on this)

Minuet in Hell - 3/5 : The Doctor being imprisoned and amnesiac for 3/4 of the episode was very looong. I liked the interactions with Gideon Crane but since the viewer already knows which one is the real Doctor, I really didn't see the point of making this last for so long. Also it robbed us of more Eight/Brig time and that's a shame. And those American accents are just horrible, I couldn't understand most of what Dale and the Senator were saying. The vilains and the Psi (psy?) machine were kinda interesting (although they also sounded pretty annoying) but in two hours and a half, they really could have been developed a bit more. Same goes for Becky Lee and her supernatural hunter gig that was way underused. The Brigadier is a huge asset, let's be honest. And the EDAs are canon in the BF universe, so that's that. (yes there was a Fitz reference in The Stones of Venice, I will not shut up)

Invaders from Mars - 2/5 : I love the idea behind this episode : the panic caused by Orson Welles' reading of the War of the Worlds, a false invasion in fact hiding a real invasion. It could have been great. But it's not. First, those accents and voices, again NO. For a medium that relies only on sounds, it's  really a big issue here (I mean how are you supposed to take the alien invaders seriously with those voices???). Mark Gatiss loves the Ice Warriors and we've seen with the Empress of Mars that he can write decent episodes with them so why didn't he use them here? It could have been so creepy (which, for a Halloween episode, would have been neat). Instead he gives us a cheap version of invaders, a nazi guy, Russians and an atomic bomb, and mobsters. And it's too much, it's too confusing, it's too many characters. It's a mess. The Doctor is adorable playing private detective but then he accidentally reveals his plan to the bad guys (I mean...) and the aliens are killed by the Russian guy everybody thought to be dead and his atomic bomb : no, that's bullshit. Also, bury your gays : totally gratuitous and unnecessary (what was even the point?). Yeah, huge disappointment.

The Chimes of Midnight - 6/5 : cHriStmAs wOuLdN't bE cHriStmAs wiThOuT oNe oF mY pLuM puDdiNgS (tfbgvfgtv) Finally something GOOD. Eight is at his best sassfull self, the different parts are well articulated, it's funny and creepy at the same time and the paradox surrounding Charley is well exploited. Robert Shearman even succeeded in making me care about Charley. Edith is touching, even the other characters are, and that ending is really nicely done and coherent. I also really like how Eight is depicted here, especially in his relationship to Charley (and his companions in general). He really cares about her and yet he doesn't tell her the truth, he's been lying to her ever since Storm Warning because he selfishly hopes that if he doesn't speak about it, it's all gonna go away, just like he will do later with Lucie and her auntie Pat and that's Eight in all his glory : he loves his companions but he's got this kind of superiority complex that makes him think he knows better than them and which makes him treat them like shit more often than not (and ok, Charley gets a lot of crap from him). They are all aware of that, as we are, and yet they still love him and we still love him and I don't even know why.

Seasons of Fear - 3.5/5 : The format was interesting, the change of scenery for each episode really helped to not lose interest in the story. I also liked Grayle, he's an interesting villain but the immortality thing could have been handled a bit better in my opinion, especially the losing your loved ones part. I actually liked Charley there and her varied suggestions to get rid of Grayle. The mystery around her thickens and I did not remember that ending! The Nimons were a bit unexpected but ok I guess. But I found the conclusion very disappointing, too easy.

Embrace the Darkness - 4/5 : I love the atmosphere of this one, especially the beginning : the "something touches you in the dark and you realise it's not your friend" trope is classic but the audio only aspect of the thing gives it something more (especially of you listen to it in the dark). Like the previous one, I liked the pace (it didn't feel like this thing would never end which is something worth mentioning). The fact that there aren't too many characters also helps a lot. And I can't help myself to compare it with Sword of Orion : the settings are similar, it's a huis-clos, and they're both written by Nick Briggs. I find Embrace the Darkness much better, the characters are actually likeable (and they all don't die at the end, quite the opposite) and interesting. The Cimmerians were also nicely done and I really liked how different senses are brought into focus here, how the viewer is brought closer to the characters because they can't see. Hearing becomes central then but taste and touch are also prominent (I especially liked the way the Cimmerians share their history with the Doctor and Charley). The Doctor is well-written (I love his "conversations" with Rosum) and this tendency to self pity himself every time he makes a mistake is very Eight (Orbis). 

The Time of the Daleks -  2.5/5 : The first part was good. And then it got so confusing, I actually lost the plot several times because my mind kept drifting away. There are way too many comings and goings through those portals, too many side characters that weren't interesting in the least. Learman's motivations as a villain are ridiculous (she wants to kill Shakespeare to be the only one who remembers him because everyone else is too stupid to understand his works... yeah, right).

Neverland -  4.5/5 : Zagreus sits inside your head, Zagreus lives among the dead, Zagreus sees you in your bed and eats you when you're sleeping (sorry I had to put it). So … yeah, that was breath-taking. That was an amazing conclusion for Charley's arc, the neverpeople are pretty cool and Romana and Rassillon are a nice little treat. The plot is coherent and the two hours and a half passed very quickly which is always worth mentioning. About Eight and Charley, now. As I said, I'm not a fan of Charley : I find her too perfect (and I just can't stand how she speaks, I know it's kinda shallow but when her voice is the only thing you get out of her, that becomes kind of a big deal) and I really don't ship her with Eight (although I recognise that they might be romantically involved, a lot like Ten and Rose, I simply choose to not see it). That being said, I liked how she stood up to the Doctor at the beginning, how she called him out on his bullshit ("Happy Birthday, Charley! Happy Birthday, he says. Only it isn't my birthday. It isn't my birthday because I'm not supposed to have any more birthdays") and used the TARDIS against him. I also liked her comparison with Peter Pan because, yeah, that's the Doctor, she gets it. I understand why she asked him to shoot her at the end but I don't think she was fair asking him to do it because she knows, everybody knows, that he won't do it. He won't do it for someone he despises, so Charley? Nope. And yeah, her dying was the obvious solution, I get that,  but that's the epitome of everything I don't like about her. Charley Pollard, always making the right decision even if it means sacrificing herself, Charley Pollard always nice and caring and clever and adventurous, and in a way she reminds me of Rose (although Rose was a jerk to Mickey) and I hate Rose. As for the Doctor... Finally he gets the consequences of his actions and yet you can't help but feel sorry for him. Because like Charley said he’s sweet and he truly thinks what he’s doing is good. And that cliff-hanger! I AM BECOME ZAGREUS! YES BABY. In conclusion, it’s a great episode, regardless of my feelings towards Charley

Zagreus -  4/5 : Let's be honest, the first time I listened to it, I hated it with all my guts (and I also fell asleep at some point in the middle), so I wasn't really looking forward to giving it another chance. But I'm glad I did. This time I really took the time to listen to it properly and knowing roughly where this was going, I loved it? I mean ok, this thing is more than three hours (not gonna lie, this was really difficult for me) and it's completely bonkers and WTF but there IS a certain coherence to the thing that I hadn't picked on the first time I listened to it. So, let's start with the obvious : Zagreus/the Doctor/Paul McGann giving us the performance of his life. He's GREAT and if I didn't already love him I would certainly after this. He's creepy and disturbing as Zagreus (he slapped Charley!!) and his voice when he's the Doctor, when he begs Charley to kill him ... yeah, I was dying inside there. By the way, I liked the parallel with Neverland and Charley begging the Doctor to kill her, except that she actually does it. The Brigadier/TARDIS was equally brilliant. I got a lot of the Doctor's Wife vibes here - except that the TARDIS is evil and HATES the companions, and her conversation with the Doctor, her fit of jealousy was brilliantly done. I also loved the bits with Five, Six and Seven (except it's not really them but it actually is) and they were hilarious when they're working together towards the end (Tweedledee, Tweedledum and Tweedle-ego). It was a nice hommage to Alice in Wonderland, coherent until the end (and let's be honest the bit with Schrodinger's cat only it's the Doctor who is in the box? Brilliant. Again.) And as an anniversary episode, it worked for me. I probably didn't get all the references but I picked up a few of them and it was nice to include the BF cast, even if it wasn't in their usual roles.

Overall opinion : This is not as bad as I remembered. I postponed relistening to these for a long time because I remembered it way worse than it actually is (in my defence, I listened to those episode some 8 years ago when my English wasn't so fluent). I still don't like the classic format because most of the episodes feel reaaaaally long and I'm not a fan of Charley. I did like her arc though, it was interesting to  explore the fixed in time events and the consequences of the Doctor kicking the laws of time in the nuts, way before Ten. The resolution of this arc was also brilliant in my opinion with the anti-time and the Time Lords/Rassillon mythology. The quality is fluctuant : the Stones of Venice, Invaders from Mars and the Time of the Daleks being the bottom of the barrel while the Chimes of Midnight, Embrace the Darkness and Neverland/Zagreus are amazing. And Eight changes so much through his life : he's so hopeful and sweet and utterly optimistic, a drastic difference from the Time War series (which I just finished before listening to this) where, although his core qualities are still there, deep down, he's lost so much and been through so much crap from everyone. I don't know if any other Doctor went through that much (War Doctor excluded) tbh. His relationship to his companions is also quite unique I think, maybe I'll write something about that one day. Now for the Divergent Universe arc, which I don't remember fondly either. Let's see if I change my mind as well.