#just wants to change memes to nemesis

[byanyan]

are you looking for a NEMESIS? someone you're in a constant battle with to prove yourself better than? someone to get into petty arguments with at the drop of a hat and occasionally challenge to a knife fight? find out how worthy you are of having byan fill this position for you today!!

[calisources]

IN LOVE AND WAR, EVERYTHING GOES. a sentence meme based around the subject of allies, enemies, war and enemies to lovers and more of the same tropes we all love. change pronouns, names and locations as you see fit. these are all scrambled around.

“Friends ask you questions; enemies question you.”

“You can live safe and be protected by people just like you, or you can stand up and be a leader for what is right.”

“Where do we find allies?"

“War created bizarre allies, while peace itself could be divisive.”

“I promise you, nothing will happen to you.”

“I choose my allies carefully and my enemies more carefully still.”

“People fight wars over ideas.” 

“Wars begin when you will, but they do not end when you please.”

“I was raised in hatred, Roma. I could never be your lover, only your killer.”

“We were enemies, no matter the truths. No matter that I loved him.”

“He’d set fire to the world around him but never let a flame touch her.”

“She's not the type to swoon for pretty lies.”

“The feud keeps taking and hurting and killing and still I couldn't stop loving you even when I thought I hated you.”

“These violent delights have violent ends."

“Men without morals are dangerous beasts.”

“The spiteful, little stars.”

“Death is real. Death is inevitable. Death comes when you're not ready for it. Be ready.”

“I was alive, but I wasn’t living. You took things from me. My soul―my heart.”

“You’re supposed to keep your enemies close. Therefore, it stands to reason that your sworn enemy should be kept closest.”

“When will you see I'm not your enemy, but your weapon. Wield me.”

“Can’t even get out of my grasp? Or is it because you secretly don’t want to?”

“Why are you confessing all of your crimes?”Are you trying to get hit?”

“You're a hero and I'm a monster. There's only one way that story ever ends.”

"Tell me you came to find me. That you changed your mind."

"How--how can you even say such things,on an evening you are meant to choose another as your bride?"

"My sweet nemesis, how glad I am that you returned."

"I hate you so much that sometimes I can't think of anything else.”

“The road for hell for me is paved with everything I would do for you, and that list never ends.”

“You have consumed my thoughts since the moment I met you."

“You have no idea what I could give you."

“If you mean to take me captive, you need only ask. I would come willingly.”

“I see you truly for everything you are and everything you will be and I claim you as mine.”

“I don't think I've ever met anyone as vexing as you."

“Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.”

“A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his friends.”

"We're on opposite sides, you know."

"You're the one claiming we're all villains. There's no black or white, only gray area. We can coexist somewhere in the middle, can't we?”

“A man with no enemies is a man with no character.”

“I smile to myself knowing that they may be dead.”

“I like your savage brutality."

"That's a poetic observation, coming from such a savage creature.”

"And you are mine, Victor Nox. whether you agree is irrelevant.”

“Bitter people are not interested in what you say, but what you hide.”

“Enemies can't break your spirit, only friends can.”

“In order to know your enemy, you must become your enemy.”

“Such a pretty face, but so weak and emotional. Just a regular man, after all.”

[discar]

HZD Terraforming Base-001 Text Communications Network

Chapter 43 | Prev chapter | Next chapter Chapter Index

DIVINER: And now I think Aloy is a Tenakth saint or something because you gave her the sunwing override.

β: wasnt she already a saint

MARSHAL Kotallo: She was well-respected, that is all.

FlameHairSavior: I'm still JUST well-respected, right?

MARSHAL Kotallo: Aloy. You flew overhead on the Wings of the Ten. It doesn't matter that everyone knows how you did it, it's still a miracle.

β: oh god shes an angel now isnt she

FlameHairSavior: Oh, look! A change of subject!

DIVINER: Uh, let's see...

DIVINER: There's not really all that much more interesting that happened while you were gone!

DIVINER: Tilda hated memes and French people and Minions!

β: knew that

DIVINER: Sylens loves holo-calls!

β: oh ew

Icarus: You are all savages.

HIMBO: YOU CAME BACK, SO IT'S OFFICIALLY YOUR FAULT.

ADMIN [Zo]: Please don't scare him off now.

ADMIN [Zo]: Sylens, I know I said it before, but truly, thank you for coming back. It means a lot.

Icarus: I fully intend to flee the second you people prove incable of living up to Aloy's promises.

Icarus: I am not willing to gamble with yet another malevolent AI bent on our destruction.

HIMBO: RIGHT, I HAVE QUESTIONS ABOUT THIS NEMESIS THING.

FlameHairSavior: Can they wait? We're a little busy.

HIMBO: THE REST OF US ARE JUST RIDING. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

β: were hooking up gaia

HIMBO: OH, I THOUGHT YOU WERE JUST ABOUT DONE BEFORE WE LEFT.

FlameHairSavior: We ARE just about done. Still, it takes time.

β: goota make sure we do it right

β: gotta

β: or shell wake up a blank slate and have to download everything again

FlameHairSavior: All right... that should be it.

DIVINER: Wow, that was fast!

[FlameHairSavior] has invited [GAIA] to the group

GAIA: Thank you, Aloy, Beta. You have both been incalcuably helpful.

FlameHairSavior: Of course.

β: sure

DIVINER: Oh no!! Now I have to go over everything that happened while you were gone again!

DIVINER: So, it started with Aloy getting kidnapped by Tilda!

DIVINER: Or rescued, technically.

GAIA: That will not be necessary. I have already read all of your Focuses and have fully assimilated everything that happened while I was gone.

HIMBO: SO... YOU CAN JUST SEE EVERYTHING WE'VE EVER DONE WHILE WEARING THESE THINGS?

GAIA: Yes.

HIMBO: GREAT.

HIMBO: THAT'S NOT CREEPY AT ALL.

β: remind me to show you space odyssey

DIVINER: Do you want him to smash everything with a hammer?

DIVINER: Because that's how you get him smashing everything with a hammer.

GAIA: 2001: A Space Odyssey is not in the media archives.

DIVINER: Mmm-hmm.

DIVINER: [SkepticalOwl.gif]

DIVINER: Let me take a look.

GAIA: I'm sorry, Alva, I can't let you do that.

GAIA: Oh dear.

ADMIN [Zo]: What?

GAIA: Alva just fell off her strider laughing.

DIVINER: I'm okay!

HIMBO: WHATEVER. CAN WE GO BACK TO NEMESIS FOR A BIT?

FlameHairSavior: Sure. What's your question?

HIMBO: I WROTE IT DOWN, ONE SECOND.

FlameHairSavior: Oh no.

HIMBO: OKAY, QUESTION ONE: WHY DID THE ZENITHS MAKE MIND COPIES IN THE FIRST PLACE? THEY WERE ALREADY IMMORTAL.

β: they wanted more

MARSHAL Kotallo: More than unaging bodies and perfect shields?

β: their shields werent perfect its just no one on this planet had enough firepower to break them

β: there was always the chance of random accidents killing them having a backup mind would mean they could just download into a new body

HIMBO: YEAH, I MUST BE MISSING SOMETHING, BECAUSE THAT STILL SOUNDS CRAZY.

Icarus: Think of it for keeping a blueprint for your favorite invention, along with all the parts required to build it. When your invention is broken or lost for whatever reason, you can build an exact copy quickly and efficiently.

HIMBO: BUT THE ORIGINAL IS STILL GONE. IF IT'S JUST A TOOL, FINE, WHATEVER, BUT IF IT'S YOU THEN IT'S A WHOLE OTHER FORGE.

β: its called the contuinity flaw and there were long arguments about it even before zero day

HIMBO: SURE, OKAY, GUESS I HAVE TO JUST ACCEPT THAT.

HIMBO: QUESTION 2: THE MIND COPY THING FAILED, RIGHT?

Icarus: Yes. The exact reason they considered it a failure is unclear, however. There are any number of possibilities. Perhaps the copies weren't perfect. Perhaps the copies were too perfect, and insisted they were the originals.

HIMBO: I KNOW I DON'T KNOW A LOT ABOUT THIS COMPUTER SLAG, BUT WHY COULDN'T THEY JUST DESTROY THE COPIES?

FlameHairSavior: Actually, I was wondering the same thing.

ADMIN [Zo]: If the copies were even slightly functional, that would be murder.

FlameHairSavior: There is no way the Zeniths cared about murder.

MARSHAL Kotallo: Even if they did, it would be easy to rationalize it as either putting down a wounded animal or killing an enemy, depending on circumstances.

GAIA: I am afraid that I have no more information than you do. Perhaps Sylens has the answer.

Icarus: There were no explicit explanations in either the extinction signal or the Zenith database. I would only be able to speculate.

FlameHairSavior: Go right ahead.

Icarus: I can only think of two reasonable possibilities: That they were continuing to test the copies to determine what went wrong, or that they were putting the copies through a series of experiments that they would never want to perform on themselves.

Icarus: Either way, it is clear they were not paying enough attention, which is why the copies were able to merge into Nemesis and escape containment.

DIVINER: Even I know how to keep a dangerous virus quarantined from the network! Surely they should have known better than to leave a data link, even a locked one!

MARSHAL Kotallo: They were masters of their world for a thousand years. I suspect they were simply overconfident and had not faced a real danger in centuries.

Icarus: I am still astounded they made such a basic mistake.

MARSHAL Kotallo: We cannot understand the depth of their overconfidence. Putting aside their technology, none of us have lived even a single century, and our lives have not been complacent. How would we relax our guards, if we were safe for hundreds and hundreds of years?

MARSHAL Kotallo: I don't think any of us have ever been truly safe for so much as a year.

DIVINER: My life was pretty calm for the most part! I mean, we had to deal with the Derangement, but things only started getting REALLY bad in the past couple years!

β: i was safe pretty much my whole life

MARSHAL Kotallo: I was including psychological torture and manipulation in the general arena of "unsafe."

β: it wasnt really torture

DIVINER: [UCDavis.WhatIsPsychologicalTorture.pdf]

β: why would you have that

DIVINER: Why wouldn't I? It's not like it takes up much space!

β: i mean because i would have thought it would be from a chinese or japanese college

DIVINER: Oh, I pretty much only have English language data on my Focus! I barely passed the foreign language courses!

FlameHairSavior: Wait, they spoke different languages across the sea? Why is everything you have in our language, then?

DIVINER: Translation software was VERY advanced by the time of the Plague, and even our relatively primitive Focuses could translate almost anything! Furthermore, English was a very common trade language, so many of the files we found had an English language option by default!

DIVINER: Foreign languages were an elective, because they were largely unnecessary!

β: dont know how i feel about that

ADMIN [Zo]: I'm not sure what you mean.

β: language shapes culture and culture shapes language

β: forcing everyone to use english seems like something is lost

MARSHAL Kotallo: Surely it is better that everyone can communicate.

β: i dont know

MARSHAL Kotallo: ...I suppose it's something to think about.

FlameHairSavior: Zo, have you reached your people yet?

HIMBO: SUBTLE SUBJECT CHANGE.

FlameHairSavior: You hush.

ADMIN [Zo]: Not quite. I've reached Plainsong, but I dismounted to walk in.

FlameHairSavior: Have you decided if you want to give them Focuses or not?

ADMIN [Zo]: I know I SHOULD.

β: there has to be at least one person you actually like among the utaru

ADMIN [Zo]: It's not that. The problem is that, no matter who I give it to, the Chorus would find out about it. Their reaction could be... unhelpful. For the time being, I will wait to see if my negotiations bear fruit.

Icarus: If your people had any wisdom, they would accept any weapon they can in this struggle.

ADMIN [Zo]: You haven't met many Utaru, have you?

Icarus: No, not particularly.

ADMIN [Zo]: Let's just say that I'm considered an aggressive firebrand.

Icarus: Why are we bothering with these people?

FlameHairSavior: Doesn't hurt to try. If things go sour, Zo can just leave.

β: yeah no need to worry about her safety with the pacifists

MARSHAL Kotallo: Do not underestimate the value of Utaru farmlands, and Utaru farmers to work them.

MARSHAL Kotallo: They are the reason that that the Utaru and the Tenakth have had strong relations for so long.

FlameHairSavior: Speaking of the Tenakth, any progress there?

MARSHAL Kotallo: I have reached the Clanlands. Everyone is very happy to see me. I am sure Hekarro will accept a Focus gladly.

FlameHairSavior: Is there any reason he wouldn't? Worst-case scenario planning.

MARSHAL Kotallo: The only reason I can think of is if he wanted to make sure all Marshals and Veterans have Focuses of their own. If we don't have enough for all of them, he might not accept it.

MARSHAL Kotallo: But I find even that scenario unlikely.

β: actually we should have enough for all of them right

β: there would

β: there should be thousands in the cradle

FlameHairSavior: I only brought a pouch full. That still might be enough, but it might be a bad idea to use so many, at least until I replenish my supply.

MARSHAL Kotallo: Regardless, I guarantee that Hekarro and the Clans will stand with you. You have earned more honor than anyone I have even heard tales of.

MARSHAL Kotallo: I suspect at this point, if the Ten descended from the sky, they would receive less trust.

FlameHairSavior: [Groan.gif]

MARSHAL Kotallo: Problem?

β: she really doesnt want to be a saint

ADMIN [Zo]: Again?

FlameHairSavior: Again.

DIVINER: I think it's a good idea to bring in as many into the network as possible! Even if it means you have to go back to the Cradle and collect more Focuses, more is always going to be better!

FlameHairSavior: Oh, I forgot that you have a big network in your homeland. I don't think you said how big, though.

DIVINER: I'm sorry citizen, that is a state secret kept closely guarded for tactical and strategic reasons.

DIVINER: Sorry!!

FlameHairSavior: I just wanted to know how a network with a lot of people operates. We'd go crazy if we were getting constant messages from a dozen more people.

DIVINER: Oh! Well, first off, you can parcel off people into their own message groups! You'll want to make one main group with everyone in it for emergencies, and then everyone can be part of multiple smaller groups! So one will be us, another might be you and just the tribal leaders, and then at least one more for each tribe!

Icarus: I would also suggest that you codify the rules early. They are easier to enforce from the start. Don't let anyone post in the emergency channel frivolously, stamp down on any harrassment, so on.

Icarus: This is especially important for you, since you won't be able to use the Eclipse's method of dealing with rule-breakers.

FlameHairSavior: ...which was?

Icarus: They killed them.

FlameHairSavior: Of course they did.

Icarus: They had more loyal officers than they had Focuses. From their perspective, the math was simple.

FlameHairSavior: [Sigh.gif]

FlameHairSavior: Alva, how are you doing?

DIVINER: I'm almost to the Sunken City!

HIMBO: HOW? IT'S SOMETHING LIKE FIVE TIMES FARTHER THAN WHERE ANY OF US ARE GOING.

DIVINER: I don't take as many breaks, and mapped out my course in advance!

HIMBO: YOU CAN USE THESE THINGS FOR MAPS?

ADMIN [Zo]: By all the songs and shoots Erend, did you never read that primer on how to use your Focus?

HIMBO: VARL SHOWED ME HOW TO PLAY MUSIC, AND THAT WAS BASICALLY THE END.

FlameHairSavior: Erend, stop playing the idiot.

HIMBO: BUT I'M SO GOOD AT IT!

FlameHairSavior: Alva, are you still going through with it?

DIVINER: Yep! It's going to be scary, but it's important that I stay close by to help you! I gave Overseer Bohai a warning, and he's okay with it! I think most of the expedition is staying behind, actually! Just one ship is going back to the homeland!

β: is he staying

DIVINER: Oh, definitely not!

β: does that mean youll be in charge

DIVINER: .

DIVINER: .

DIVINER: .

DIVINER: ٩(●ö●)۶

FlameHairSavior: Taking that as "I didn't think that far ahead."

MARSHAL Kotallo: It is a shame we will not be able to communicate with the Quen homeland. Coordinating with a powerful military empire would be invaluable in the face of Nemesis.

β: we might

β: probably not

β: but we might

MARSHAL Kotallo: Interesting.

FlameHairSavior: We shouldn't discount the Quen in the Sunken City. They have enough experience with Focuses to be valuable. Especially if we manage to take over a couple Cauldrons and produce some personal machines.

HIMBO: ANY LUCK WITH HEPHAESTUS?

FlameHairSavior: Nothing concrete yet.

Icarus: I am searching for clues in the APOLLO database.

β: he means hes playing around with the engineering tools

Icarus: I mean that I am investigating our most valuable tool for any and all leads.

β: which looks a lot like playing

FlameHairSavior: Erend? You at Vegas yet?

HIMBO: I SEE SAND?

FlameHairSavior: Well, keep me posted.

FlameHairSavior: Oh, and did I thank you for volunteering to go to Morlund?

HIMBO: YES YOU DID, BUT YOU DON'T NEED TO. I LIKE MORLUND! I WONDER IF THEY'LL REMEMBER ME.

FlameHairSavior: I think Stemmur still has the wrench you threw at them.

Icarus: Remind me again why you feel the need to involve a trio of entertainers in our attempt to save the world.

FlameHairSavior: They're smart, resourceful, motivated, and currently sitting on one of the most intact Old World cities. I don't think it has any printers, but if nothing else it has a power source that's still going strong.

DIVINER: And don't underestimate the value of entertainment! These next few years are going to get dark, we're going to need something to keep our spirits up!

Icarus: I suppose.

GAIA: Aloy, I can confirm that I am fully stabilized. Your concern was ultimately unecessary.

DIVINER: What was that?

FlameHairSavior: Oh, I need to leave the Base for a while, but I wanted to make sure GAIA was fully online first. I told her to text once she was sure.

β: it only took her twenty minutes to be sure you could have just turned around if something went wrong

ADMIN [Zo]: Why are you leaving the Base? I thought you had handled all the emergencies in the region.

MARSHAL Kotallo: I know you finished with all the rebel camps before the assault on the Zenith compound.

FlameHairSavior: I'm going to try and find Talanah. She should still be somewhere in the area.

MARSHAL Kotallo: The Carja woman?

HIMBO: THE SUNHAWK?

FlameHairSavior: Yeah.

FlameHairSavior: I'm going to give her a couple Focuses. She might be heading back to the Sundom, she might not.

HIMBO: WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?

FlameHairSavior: She can give Avad a Focus.

HIMBO: ...OH NO.

β: your drinking debts were going to come due eventually

HIMBO: MAYBE WE CAN JUST TELL HIM I'M DEAD.

Chapter 43 | Prev chapter | Next chapter Chapter Index

[mychoombatheroomba]

Things I Love About the Shitty Live Action Resident Evil Movies

So, it was my birthday recently and my roommates asked if I wanted to do anything fun. My response, of course, was to suggest getting drunk and watching the live action Resident Evil movies and like, damn, I love those stupid ass movies so much. So I wanted to make a really dumb (and lengthy) post about the goofy things I like, whether for legit or meme reasons.

Y'all, I know they're bad, that is, in fact, why I love them.

1 - The opening is genuinely kinda freaky, like, the elevator scene? Oof, well done suspense

2 - Michelle Rodriguez. That's it, that's the post.

3- The LASER ROOM - so iconic they used it in the games. The first movie came out in 2002, RE4 then used the laser room in 2005, like, y'all, they took that from the goddamn movie, that's how much of a vibe it was

(And honestly, just the Red Queen in general, what an absolute icon, love that her appearance changes in every movie she's in)

4 - Alice is the most fanfic Mary Sue character I've perhaps ever seen on-screen, and I love that for her. Look at her kicking this zombie dog in the face, it's hilarious

5 - Pretty game-accurate costuming? I can dig it

6 - They're gay, your honor

7 - Bad CGI on the Licker, I would expect nothing less

8 - Alice is at her most powerful when she finds a white bathrobe just lying around somewhere

9 - Raccoon City gets destroyed in the course of, like, a day if I'm understanding the timeline right. Like, first infection to nuking the city seems to be about 24 hours. Incredible.

10 - Leon fucking wishes he was Alice, miss ma'am out here driving motorcycles into buildings and then launching them at a monster just to shoot it and blow it up.

(Special mention for another "they're gay, your honor"

11 - You'd think the kid they have to rescue from Raccoon City is Sherry, wouldn't you? An Umbrella scientist's daughter who the gang have to save? NOPE it's Angela Ashford. Not to be confused with the game's Alexia Ashford. Is it an easter egg? A botched cameo? IDK bro, you think they know the lore?

12 - "GTA MOTHERFUCKER" - LJ, before running over a zombie

13 - THEY GAVE NEMESIS A REDEMPTION ARC??? Incredible (not before making him and Alice fist-fight each other)

14 - Keeping with RE tradition, the helicopter almost always crashes.

15 - They just decided, fuck it, let's give Alice superpowers. Also the stupid Umbrella eyes, literally whenever they come up.

16 - The third movie is just Mad Max and Fallout: New Vegas merged together. Also the way they say the whole earth withered and died but later movies very clearly show flora still alive

17 - Why is Jorah Mormont from Game of Thrones here? WHY IS JOHNNY CAGE FROM MORTAL KOMBAT 1995 HERE???

Also why does Wesker look a little like Eminem to me in the third movie?

18 - The amount of just, like, "hey, this monster/character was in the games, let's just put them in the movie anywhere!"

19 - Carlos gets one of the only satisfying death scenes for a named character from the games. And by that I mean he gets one of the only on-screen death scenes for a named character from the games. Slay, king.

20 - Why does the Tyrant look like that?

21 - The army of Alice clones were blonde originally, but all went out and dyed their hair together between movies and I think that's cute.

22 - The timeline is so fucked up, I don't think they even knew how long was supposed to pass between the movies

23 - The way they shoehorned Chris in so bad that, as a kid, I thought he had no importance and they just wanted to give Claire a character to help her with her amnesia (also, Claire having amnesia). The Redfields do get to shoot the shit out of Wesker at the end though, good for them.

24 - THEY'RE GAY, YOUR HONOR

25 - The Executioner from RE5 just like, is in Los Angeles for some reason?

26 - This shot of Wesker.

27 - Wesker takes Alice's powers away in the beginning of the 4th movie, then at the end of the 5th movie he reinfects her with the T-Virus so she can be a superhuman again and just like, bud, you're wildin'. Also it's mentioned in the 3rd movie that Alice's blood could be the cure, and that she could synthesize it once the Tyrant is dealt with? But she doesn't? She just takes the clones of her in the facility instead of using the equipment to make a cure? I know they cure it in the last movie but like, girlie, you could have tried earlier idk. Fascinating.

28 - The opening credits scene for the 5th movie is actually pretty cool

29 - The rest of the fifth movie . . . whatever those writers were smoking, I want some. I know there's literally an Umbrella base in Antarctica in the game but like, idk, having an underwater base where you have multiple city simulations running for BOW production is so funny to me. They've got clones of Carlos and the whole team from the first movie, a random child Alice adopts, Las Plagas lads on motorcycles, more Executioners, Barry (oh, hi Barry!) and damn I love every terrible minute of it.

30 - "The Leon you ordered from AliExpress"

31 - Li Bingbing as Ada, my beloved

32 - Whatever the hell this fight scene is (I am obsessed with it). The sapphic energy of Jill v Alice. Las Plagas giving you instant superpowers. Michelle Rodriguez beating the shit out of Leon Kennedy (mans draws his knife and immediately gets disarmed, Krauser would be so disappointed). Ada just snoozing in the snow the whole time. Cinema.

The music kinda slaps though.

The second half of this where Michelle gets clocked in the face with a fire extinguisher and just looks offended? Immaculate.

33 - Wesker saying that he, Alice, Jill, Leon and Ada are the last hope for humanity from the roof of the White House. What a team.

34 - AND THEN LEON, ADA AND JILL FUCKING DIE OFF SCREEN BETWEEN MOVIES ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? Peak writing right there.

35 - I have never seen the Final Chapter, but I do know that Claire is the only (known) surviving original RE character. Chris is MIA and everyone else is dead. The lesbians win again.

36 - Also there's a character named K-Mart. No notes.

37 - WESKER GETS KILLED BY A DOOR LMFAO

I cannot say I would recommend these movies without the consumption of alcohol involved. Once that's in the mix? They're a great time.

[ettawritesnstudies]

Aspec prompts part 2

because I can't find something like this and so I guess I have to make it myself. This is meant for characters on the aromantic or asexual spectrums (grey-ace, demi-ace, romance-favorable, etc.) who are in relationships but doesn't erase that part of their identity

Watching TV together and the ace one ruthlessly mocks the bad romance subplots or analyzes why the compelling ones work so well, their S/O mentally takes notes

The ace one cringing at kissing or sex scenes in movies or TV shows, their S/O gives them the remote so they can skip it. (They get a kiss for being so considerate) (jokes are made about double standards)

The extended family finds out the avowed spinster/bachelor cousin finally got a s/o and the gossip chain lights on fire. If this comes out at a family gathering, someone might faint. Interrogations ensue. Pictures are demanded to know if this person really exists.

People make comments about looks and whether or not s/o is attractive and they get incredibly defensive "no they're the most gorgeous person in the world how dare you" while also being befuddled because "the looks aren't the point they're beautiful because they're a lovely human being why are you all so shallow?"

S/o gets a new haircut or tries on a new outfit (or for an angsty version, gets some new scar or illness or something that makes them self conscious about their appearance) and asks ace partner how they look, ace responds with some combination of genuine aesthetic advice, flustered approval, or "you always look lovely to me" because the trappings don't change anything about their emotional connection.

Going from one "level" of intimacy (hand holding to hugging to kissing etc.) can take a LONG time. Like, "they were friends for three years before dating" and "they've been dating for over a year before they have their first kiss" long time. The slow burn to end all slow burns.

Allo S/O never pushing for physical intimacy, genuinely (but pleasantly) surprised if grey-ace or demi-ace partner is into it because it was never expected. Grey-ace partner is just as surprised as they are.

S/O must meet the seal of approval from friends/siblings/trusted mentors, their advice is invaluable but also comes with a healthy degree of heckling.

Non physical forms of affection, you already know these but double down on them:

Quality time: dropping everything to meet each other for lunch, scheduling weekly date nights, parallel activities and sharing ideas, watching their favorite TV shows or reading their favorite books to share the fandom experience. Inflicting absolutely terrible memes at each other.

Gifts: getting trinkets while on vacation, memes at 1am, painstakingly hand making something for a birthday or anniversary, "I got you a coffee because you're stressed, I have your order memorized"

Acts of service: doing dishes or other cleaning for each other on bad days, researching solutions to problems, getting groceries, taking care of admin adulty bullshit so their partner can have a moment to relax.

Giving each other space for their projects. "I know you barely have any free time to work on this Thing you care a lot about so I'm going to make sure no one disturbs you today"

Words: leaving poetry or little notes around the house, praising each other for their accomplishments, "do you want me to kill [nemesis, asshole professor, etc.] for you?"

[dorkwalf]

Bumblebee is the the family baby

Scout

Calls Optimus dad/sire

Megatron once saw him as a son before the war

Prediking see him as a sparkling and refuses to hurt him

Everyone is protective of little bug

Meme and vine lover

Knows sign language

Buffs with knockout when he changed sides

Was one of the first to welcome knockout and breakdown

INNOCENT

A menace when he wants to be

When they break into the nemesis he sets up pranks everywhere just for the fun of it

Has nightmare/terrors about battles and his voice box getting ripped out

Help ratchet out in medbay and is prolly the only one aloud to help

Trains with Optimus

Goes with ultra Magnus on patrol and learns about being a command from him

Listens to story’s for bulkhead and watches monstertruck rallies

Annoys Arcee in a sibling way

Works out with breakdown

Secret goes to races with smokescreen and knockout

Take meko out to concerts when bulkhead can’t.

Hangs out with raf most of the time

Pick jack up randomly for fun and hides him from Arcee ( he is all for this) it drives her nuts

Sneaks out to Griffen Rick a lot

Movie marathon with Dani and blades

Nature walks with bolder and Graham

Him and heatwave mocking kade

Cody and him getting into trouble

Patrol with chase and Charlie

[aberfaeth]

tlt holiday exchange fics!

by me casey aberfaeth (cee some other places, hi) :) this exchange was such a joy to be a part of!!! i really love all the fics i wrote for it, and the collection has some incredible works you should check out!

everything has breath inside

[Harrow/Gideon, Harrow&literally every other character ever, stardew valley au, 20k]

Dearest Harrowhark, If you’re reading this, I believe you are ready for a change.

(or: Harrowhark Nonagesimus moves to Canaan Valley to start afresh. Trouble is, it seems her teenage nemesis had a similar idea.)

whew did this one get away from me!! it was so much fun to write though and im looking forward to writing more of it because of course i didn’t get in all of the jokes i wanted to lol.

read everything has breath inside here!

i don’t need a parachute (if i’ve got you)

[Cam&Pal, leverage/criminals au, 6k]

The night air is cool, charged with pre-storm static. A cloudless black sky blankets the city, peppered with faint stars like bullet holes in drywall. Camilla Hect crouches in the shadows of the elevator equipment room atop the Canaan Museum of Art and Antiquities, shivering slightly in her thin elastic clothes, and snaps the final leg of her tripod grappling hook gun into place.

(or: Cam and Pal commit crimes.)

this was a treat for @junozeta which i actually wrote like. before assignments even went out, that’s how instantly enamored with the concept i was. leverage references, semi-witty repartee, and work friends to real friends abound within! this is also a universe i desperately want to return to because there is just. SO MUCH IT’S SO FUN FOR ME.

read i don’t need a parachute (if i’ve got you) here!

my girl’s a switchblade

[Cam/Pal, Team 69, d&d au, 5.7k]

“Warden,” Camilla calls, shifting her stance. “The double tap?”

(or: Five times Camilla rescues Palamedes, and one time he saves her back.)

this prompt was like the perfect mixture of my two favorite things in the entire universe!!!! this fic is wildly self indulgent nonsense, ten tropes in a trenchcoat plus memes, and was such a delight to write.

read my girl’s a switchblade here!

endless thanks to all the lovely folks who have commented such awesome stuff on these already, and to the rest of you, i hope you enjoy!! <3

[goddesspharo]

14, 30

[writing ask meme]

14. Write and share the first sentence of a new fic. Just that.

In space, no one can hear you scream, but that has never stopped anyone before.

30. Describe a fic that almost happened, but then it didn't.

Top Gun Maverick baseball AU. This requires a bit of backstory or it doesn't but I'm giving it to you anyway! There are many people who think baseball is boring (plebes!), but I love it because it's like the only sport where it ain't over 'til it's over. You could theoretically be down ten runs with one out left and still go on to win the game. It's the sports equivalent of the beauty of life - infinite opportunities for redemption and glory, the ever-present chance to be better and do better if you try hard enough, the idea that you can change your trajectory if it isn't working for you (obviously all easier said than done, but it's also easier to talk about a grand slam than to actually do it).

All of that is to say that baseball is GREAT but it can also break your heart. A few months ago, I saw this screen cap of Rhys Hoskins (in the background) and Bryce Harper (foreground) after it was announced that Hoskins got traded from the Phillies because Harper was going to be their go-to 1B and suddenly all I wanted to do was write that TGM AU where Bradley Bradshaw suffers a season-ending injury that catapults Jake Seresin into the spotlight when he has to switch positions and is GREAT at it and the complicated emotions involved in Bradley trying to figure out who he is when the thing that defined his entire life is taken away from him for reasons beyond his control and he is left to be a spectator while someone does Rooster's thing better than him! The heartbreak and fragility of professional sports! (75% of the reason I watch sports is to be heartbroken - FACTS. SUMMER OLYMPICS LFG. I AM READY TO CRY.) Trying to navigate a found family when he feels like he no longer has a place in it! The inherent jealousy that comes with no longer being the fan favorite! His GM boning his nemesis! (Will I ever write TGM fic where Phoenix isn't a boss bitch? Never, sorry to say.)

But I didn't write it because it would basically be the not PG version of Rookie of the Year meets Gordon Bombay's ennui in the first Mighty Ducks movie meets everyone being a prick in Any Given Sunday meets Jason Street on Friday Night Lights. But more importantly, it would require me to have a lot more knowledge about the mechanics of baseball than I care to google. But just know that in my heart, it would've been great.

(There was a google doc though. I did name it YEEHAW BASEBALL. But then everything my fingers typed out in said google doc was about mobsters.)

[awordbroken]

lady in lilac for bingo!

she never really clicked for me tbh. i don't really find her role of "guy who only appears to be mysterious and make it clear that she Knows More Than You" all that engaging.

i haven't met her yet in my Nemesis playthrough, so i suppose that could still change, but of what i do know i already feel eh about the fact that the finale meeting doesn't even give you the option to suggest that you DON'T want any part of your story to be exploited for the Bazaar's personal drama or be treated as a fun bedtime story by Judgements.

i suppose that's ultimately my problem; whenever Lilac turns up, it often feels like i'm supposed to forget the exploitative, fundamentally selfish nature of the Bazaar's story-collecting and go along with how Lilac sees her, as a truly higher being, something almost holy. and that conceptually sounds pretty interesting when put that way, but i just don't find it explored very well when my character is literally not allowed by the narrative to disagree.

ask meme

[jolteon-rph]

OOPSPROMPTS / SENTENCE STARTERS.

Quotes & sentences taken from the writing prompt Tumblr blog, oopsprompts. Feel free to change the sentences as you see fit.

Some sentences have been altered to fit in more general contexts.

TW: Threats of violence, mentions of gore/blood, mentions of murder, mentions of death, mentions of/use of weaponry.

“I’m not your friend.”

“Do you want the long version, the short version, or the fun version?”

“It was a pickup line. Why can’t you ever be normal?!”

“Maybe there were no right choices in that situation, but you definitely made a wrong one.”

“You’re not my enemy.”

“That’s impossible. I’m constantly monitoring your location and biological signals, and not only do you not have any vitamin deficiencies, but you haven’t seen a doctor in--”

“Please stop saying that every time I enter a room.”

“This isn’t some fun little adventure story! This is my life you’re ruining!”

“In this house. We. Talk. About. Our. Feelings!”

“Try not to die; I’ve become emotionally invested in you.”

“We don’t all have the ability to just decide what we will or won’t care about, you know.”

“You can’t save the universe with friendship. You can’t even save yourself with it.”

“We could be friends in this life if you weren’t such an ass.”

“These are nice boots. I’m not getting your blood on them.”

“In my defense, this is hilarious, and I do believe you’ll learn to see the humor in it once you’re done kicking my ass.”

“I knew it was all over when my partner and my nemesis started roasting me together.”

“I wouldn’t call myself homicidal. I just want to kill one specific person.”

“I’m a man of my word, and right now my word is ‘kill’!”

“Usually it’s the bad guys who go around killing witnesses, so...”

“You know when I said that there was no such thing as being bad at this? I was wrong. You’re bad at this.”

“Excuse me? I’m not ‘just’ a bastard; I am the ultimate bastard.”

“Unless you’re here to kill me immediately, you may as well sit down.”

“What happened? It looks like someone died in here.”

“I assume that you don’t like me, because I’ve said some stupid stuff to you, and that’s fine. I just wanted to let you know that the feeling isn’t mutual; I like you, and if you ever need a hand, I’m here.”

“I am an artificial intelligence primarily devoted to monitoring and analyzing behavioral patterns. Of course I know memes.”

“I’m not an animal. You can’t win my trust by speaking softly and giving me food.”

“I don’t have ‘authority issues.’ I have one authority issue, and that is that I should be the authority.“

“Why is it always murder and mayhem with you? Don’t you ever just do normal person things? Eat a sandwich? Brush your teeth? Do you even brush your teeth?”

“I hate to break it to you, but present you is pretty terrible too.”

“I mean, tearing someone’s heart out with my bare hands wouldn’t have been my go-to, but it does solve the problem.”

“Look, I am this close to killing you for what you’ve done here, so if you want to live, you’re going to be very, very nice to me.”

“Why can’t you just... be better?”

“You have that look in your eye. You know, that ‘I’m about to do something that makes me a bad robot’ look.”

“Exactly-- you’re going to hate it, and watching you suffer will entertain me.”

“Look, I’m not a hero or anything, but I am going to take a stand with the good guys because they’re much less likely to stab me in the back.”

“Most of my interactions with other people are warning shots.”

“I’ve done too much fighting for you to let you give up and die now.”

“I really think that if the person I’m in prison for murdering has come back to life, I should be let out.”

“Don’t look at me all concerned. You forfeited any right to worry about me when you tried to kill me as I lay injured and helpless.”

“I was trying so hard to be nonthreatening but I just couldn’t resist the urge.”

“What kind of idiot punches a robot in the face?”

"You can't just-- hey! You can't just say things like that to people and walk away!"

“I think we could be really good friends, if only you weren’t such an awful person.”

“I worship a trickster God; he won’t mind!”

“Look, my first choice would have been to kill you, but since that’s off the table, I’m going to make you be a better person whether you like it or not.”

“I’m the brains in this operation?! Oh, we are in so much more trouble than I thought.”

"I love the law and doing legal things like not trespassing and, uh, eating sandwiches."

"This is a win-win for me. If you tell me, I win, because I get my information; but if you don’t tell me, I also win, because I get to hurt you.”

"That is a really personal thing to say to someone you only met three days ago."

“The best tool a liar can have is a reputation for telling the truth.”

“I don’t make threats. I make promises.”

“I know who you’re pretending to be.”

“You’re always focusing on what I did. I think I deserve a little credit for all the things I could’ve done but chose not to.”

“Do you ever say anything besides asking me to shut up?” 

“I don’t care how heartless you think I am, but do not think me stupid.”

[istadris]

For the Villain meme: King Boo (Mario series), Giovanni (Pokemon) and the Master (Doctor Who) ?

King Boo (Mario series)

Evil and fucking love it | A Whinny psycho | Really Dumb motive | Cool motive still murder | I don’t know enough to rate them | They have a point but they are a dick about it | Road to hell paved with good intentions | They are in the right here | Look if it were me I’d have been So MUCH worse | How are they not the hero? | Yea, I’m routing for the villain.

He's an absolute maniac and he's a big evil marshmallow, he's a scary fucker and yet he managed to make a nemesis out of a wimpy scaredy-cat jumping by his own shadow (Luigi bby I love you but you ARE a wimp), he's PERFECT as a foil to Luigi and he's providing the fandom with so many angsty scenarios. "Cool motive still murder " because I too want to put Mario in a little box/pocket/cursed painting and keep him with me forever.

If we saw him interacting with his Boos more often or saw him caring about them after the 1, I would have put "They have a point but don't have to be a dick about it" but my dude, you have become a little selfish bitch by the third game, I can't give you that.

Giovanni (Pokemon)

Evil and fucking love it | A Whinny psycho | Really Dumb motive | Cool motive still murder | I don’t know enough to rate them | They have a point but they are a dick about it | Road to hell paved with good intentions | They are in the right here | Look if it were me I’d have been So MUCH worse | How are they not the hero? | Yea, I’m routing for the villain.

He's the best pokemon villain. He doesn't have complex or noble motives, he doesn't want to take over the world with a legendary prophecy or world changing cataclysm: he just want to get rich, get powerful, and pay his grunts appropriately. He's a dick but he's very honest about it, and he's fair play enough to agree you need to do some soul searching when a 10 yo kicks your ass. Still don't get why he abandon his kid BUT at least he's still trying to be a relatively good dad.

And let's be honest, he didn't fire the TRio even if they deserved it 100 times over ; he's a bastard but the loyalty of his grunts is deserved.

The Master (Doctor Who)

Evil and fucking love it | A Whinny psycho | Really Dumb motive | Cool motive still murder | I don’t know enough to rate them | They have a point but they are a dick about it | Road to hell paved with good intentions | They are in the right here | Look if it were me I’d have been So MUCH worse | How are they not the hero? | Yea, I’m routing for the villain

(Delgado Master here because dayum)

Look, by all account, "being in love with the Doctor" and "wanting to kill the Doctor" are both very good AND very bad motives to do what the Master does.

He's just about as dumb as the Doctor about any of his plans, which goes from "dumb as rock" to "4-d chessmaster"

[veliseraptor]

for the fic meme, would love to hear about 😎 and/or 📗

What fics do you prefer on a scale of canon compliant to wildly original?

I tend to read mostly canon divergent or canon compliant fics - these days often canon divergent so that my favorite characters get to live (womp womp) but canon compliant is also good for me. I prefer fics overall where maybe one major event or outcome gets tweaked and then exploring the ripple effects of that change; when alterations start to get too drastic such that the characters drift way away from their original context, I tend to get less interested, because as I think I've said before often a lot of what I like about a character has to do with their context and how it shapes/impacts them. change the context, change the character, I'm somewhat likely to be less interested because now it's a different character and that's not what I read fanfiction for. I like fanfiction for exploring different scenarios, or different facets of a character, but the point at which they feel transformed beyond recognition for me I lose interest.

this is why I tend to not read a lot of modern/non-magic aus for fantasy settings (with the weird exception of yi city, still don't know what that's about), but also don't read a lot of genre aus (i.e. sci-fi/fantasy/royalty/etc.). if things feel pulled too far outside of the canon setting/context it starts to feel less like reading fanfiction and more like reading something, well, original - and that's just not the what I go to fanfiction for.

however, that can also go for canon divergent aus if the divergence is significant enough or in a place to drastically change something about a character. it just depends on how likely that change feels to change the character at core as opposed to bringing out a new side of them; it's why I'm not actually terribly interested in aus where Xue Yang is saved/rescued off the streets as a kid, particularly if it happens pre-hand maiming.

there are exceptions, of course! I'm speaking purely in generalities.

Do you want to write something outside of fanfiction? If so, what about?

puts face in hands. yes, yes I do, periodically I stare wistfully at my own original project and then I get scared off by my nemesis (worldbuilding) and the fact that I have to figure out a bunch of things that are proving difficult to untangle in order to make a premise I really like with characters I'm already very fond of work. I'll - get back to it at some point, or at least I really hope so.

until then I've kind of accepted that this is just kind of what I like to do and I might as well do what I am enjoying regardless of the little hissing voice that tells me I should be trying harder to do my real writing (bleh).

oh I do also periodically enjoy writing overly verbose essays about things. it doesn't happen all that often but I do it sometimes and I enjoy it a fair amount when I can pull my brain together for it

[writ-in-violant]

🥼, 🗡️?

🥼: Does your OC have a favorite in-game clothing item?

Vivian likes a lot of their outfits, but probably most favors the Boutonniere of Fresh Carnations. Blake...well, Blake just picked up the Blooded Knife in Nemesis, but that's not strictly an item of clothing and it's not really his favorite, just the most important to him. I think it's a tie between his Fourth-City Eyeball (as it helps him see) or his Outfit of Black Felt Garments, because they make him less noticeable and he likes wearing a nice black suit.

Art favors his Crab-Clawed Tricorne! It makes him feel like a pirate. Hopefully one day he'll actually have the skill and rep to back that up. (I suspect my answer to this may change if/when I play Paisley as him). Celestine, meanwhile, likes her Elegant Emerald Gown -- it's one of the finest gowns she's ever gotten to own, and favors her eyes very well. Gender Euphoria Outfit.

🗡️ What is their profession? Are they satisfied with it?

Vivian is a Correspondent, and is quite satisfied with it! They enjoy getting to meddle with the laws of reality and the language of stars, and find themself endlessly fascinated by it and the Red Science.

Blake is, for the moment, a Watcher. This is a low-level rank, especially given his expertise in the area, but he's been largely focusing on his revenge over spycraft. Now, though, the position is starting to grate on him and he wants greater latitude -- ideally, that of a Midnighter.

Art is a Rat-catcher, and is actively trying to rank higher -- he's trained with the nuns at the Abbey! He's a Vake-hunter! He should at LEAST be a Stalker, if not a monster-hunter! He's just gotta uh. Get better at monster hunting first.

Celestine is a Trickster, and it works for her for the moment. She's not looking for anything more involved...yet. But one day, when she needs to take more center stage, she wants to make sure the groundwork is in place.

Feel free to ask me more questions from this ask meme: https://writ-in-violant.tumblr.com/post/729386803230031872

[thecodeveronica]

Okay so nobody will care about this but me, but I'm gonna ramble about what I would do if I was in charge of coordinating another Resident Evil chapter for Dead by Daylight, if I could do whatever I wanted with it

New Map: Spencer Mansion Iconic, and not visually like anything else already in DBD. I love RPD as a map and location in general, but I was one of those people who really wanted Spencer Mansion to be the map when RE got added to DBD, so yeah. It'd obviously be a two-floor map, and I'm sure people would unfairly whine about it being confusing just like they did RPD, but to be fair, Spencer Mansion doesn't exist in HD for them to just straight up reuse like RPD was, so surely it'd be scaled a little more appropriately for a game like Dead by Daylight... maybe

New Killer: Alexia Ashford Power: uhhh idk honestly lmao, but something involving insects since that's one of the defining aspects of her and her boss fight. Maybe involve fire somehow too since she also used that. I'll be honest, I don't have a solid gameplay idea here, but Alexia would be my top Killer pick since another female killer is cool to add, her design is cool, and nobody else uses bugs in the Killer roster.

New Survivors: Billy Coen and Steve Burnside Yes, I know, nobody gives a shit about Steve but me lol. But a) this is my fantasy post and b) it'd be weird to have a Code: Veronica Killer but no accompanying Survivor from that game and Claire was already added as a legendary skin (which I'm kinda mad about still because it means I'll never have OG RE2 or Code: Veronica cosmetics for her, grrr). Honestly, I'd give him at least one meme-y type of perk for people to be goofy with because good lord does Steve do some dumb shit in CV (/affectionate), and some kind of perk related to the spoiler thing that happens to him later in the game (if you know, you know).

Billy is there also because he's one of my faves, he rounds out the other previous RE Survivors in DBD having their partner characters (Rebecca doesn't have anyone unless you count Chris, I... guess?), and he's pretty much the only other major "old-style" RE protagonist left not in the game already, and I like to focus on those games more than the later stuff. He could also have some perks related to things memorable from RE0, like the goofy item dropping mechanic; maybe a perk that relates to that or chests somehow. And a teamwork perk (like the Thalita/Renato ones) to tie into the way you played as Billy and Rebecca together.

New Survivor Legendary Skins: Ashley Graham and Luis Serra Navarro Ashley would be a legendary skin for Rebecca, and Luis for Leon. They would obviously be their superior RE4 remake versions. Honestly, I could easily make a case for a whole RE4-centric chapter too (and that would be way more marketable lol), but if not that, then I'd love to see these two as legendaries.

New Killer Legendary Skins: Alfred Ashford and Mr. X Alfred would be a legendary skin for Alexia, and Mr. X for Nemesis. The fact that Mr. X isn't in DBD as a skin yet is nuts to me. Yeah yeah, he doesn't use the tentacle like Nemesis, but nobody really cares so long as they are playing as Mr. X. Meanwhile, Alfred doesn't really fit power-wise for an Alexia skin either, but I just think he's neat :)

New Cosmetics: RE4 Remake sweater dress for Ada RE4 Remake pinstripe suit for Leon RE4 Remake "romantic" outfit for Ashley RE0 leather outfit for Rebecca RE0 suit (the yakuza-looking one) for Billy RE4 (original) look for Luis (for the weirdos who like his old design better lmao)

This would be a larger level change, but I'd also let players toggle Legendary skins to show up on the character select screen. Like, you could set Carlos to show up instead of Leon's portrait if you have him. And as an even bigger change, I'd change how Legendary skins work to let them have their own skins too, so then I could get a Code: Veronica outfit Claire and a Christmas sweater for Carlos :3

[avelera]

Reading your post on writerly endurance reminded me of something that I heard recently in a Lunch-And-Learn the Graphic Designers at my company put on. Namely, that as much of a bad rap as Comic Sans gets, using it as your font when you're writing can help overcome writers block. (Possibly because it's less formal/official looking?)

Is this something you've ever tried, and if so, do you think it worked for you? (I'm currently trying with a similar font, but it's a bit early for me to say thus far.)

For me I confess it's never been about font or taking what's written in a word processor app too seriously (I've heard some writers from the pre-computer era find word processing apps look too "finished" to them because you used to have to type everything up when it was done but as a baby of the first generation of home computers, that's never been a problem for me. Writing by hand is my nemesis). I've seen others talk about those things but never followed up on if they worked for them if or if it was just a cool idea people bat around.

(I think there's a lot of silly writing advice out there aimed at people who just don't want to write or are blocked, which is very understandable because when you're desperate you're desperate. But stuff like "Change font! Do jumping jacks! Stand on your head! Go to Mark Twain's house and commune with his ghost, sit at his desk!" stuff always seemed, eh, wishful thinking at best? It might work for someone but everyone's process is so unique that I side-eye it as general advice.)

For me the process things that help are 1) not taking the story too seriously 2) writing through the crap part to get to the other side (takes time, though, worth mentioning for CLWM readers, I hope to finish digging through cement with a spoon on the next chapter for that today) 3) having very specific Apple earbuds (with cords!) in. Whether or not they're playing music. Dunno, just feels weird for me to write without those earbuds in unless I'm very in the zone. It's also harder for me to write without my very specific laptop keyboard but I feel like with no other option I could get over that speedbump in a pinch.

BTW I saw your other writer meme ask and I mean to get to that one too!

[beebrainedstudios]

Forgot to add the numbers

For the ask meme Eli ever 1, 2, 3, 10, 16 and 27

Hi, thanks for the ask! I’m going to insert a page break after a few questions btw just because some of these might get long!

1. My first impression of them.

This guy gives me weasel vibes- not just sneaky insomuch as “cute, small outward appearance that hides an incredibly calculating and dangerous creature that is one of the best hunters on the planet” vibes. 

2. When I first truly started to like/dislike them.

Perhaps a less popular opinion, but I’ve always liked Eli. He’s a lot of fun to read about even if he’s a super twisted, messed-up, terrifying dude. The first time I can remember recognizing this though is in Chapter 6 of Part 2 of Vicious (pg 219 of the hardcover). On this page, you learn that he actually killed the janitor who caught him snooping around at Lockland after he killed Professor Lyne. The way he goes about justifying it to himself is just so messed-up, where he says that technically it was probably ok because there were so many circumstances that could have changed- “God wanted to intervene he would have,” basically- and that technically he didn’t mean to, even though he looked up the guy’s schedule to make sure he was on the road the one time the guy worked at night. I’m pretty sure I laughed at it the first time- not because it was funny, but because it was so off-putting and deeply wrong and I was amazed that he was making those kinds of mental gymnastics. Eli’s mentality is a fascinating subject to read, because he’s grasping at justification straws for 99% of his decisions, and half the time the conclusion he comes to is just... well, God didn’t stop me. It’s a great paragraph even if it’s creepy as heck.

3. A song that reminds you of them.

As with Victor, I’m going to cheat and do a few because I think it would be fun. A mild profanity (all songs) + drug mention (second song) + violence mention (last one) warning for these btw!

A Mask of My Own Face- Lemon Demon

A mask of my own face, I’d wear that...

A lot of Lemon Demon songs work for Eli, but this one takes the cake; it’s a perfect representation of Eli’s deceptive qualities and approach to life- fake it till you make it, even if that means hiding your personality and never having a genuine conversation with anyone but your similarly sinister nemesis.

Giver- K Flay

I’m learning to live, I’m trying to be better...

When you remember that all of Eli’s decisions basically revolve around trying to atone for his actions while also trying to keep himself alive/not in anguish, this song makes a lot of sense; his idea of “atonement” is just incredibly skewed. He’s a very desperate character, in more ways than one, and this song gives me “desperately trying to stay afloat” vibes.

I am not a beast, I’m not a monster,

I don’t care what you say,

You can’t have the bad guys without a hero,

And I’m the only one who’s got a cape...

This song is really Eli-like to me. Soft, sad, but also deeply angry and even menacing at one point. It also speaks to longing for the past and not wanting people to change, which is true to his character as well.

10. Describe the character in one sentence. 

When his mother called him an angel, I don’t think she meant the inhumanly terrifying, avenging, obsessed with justice kind; I don’t think he got the memo.

16. A childhood headcanon.

Eli was actually a really nice kid growing up; he was good with animals, sweet to his neighbors, that kind of thing. Unfortunately, that kind of behavior doesn’t help you climb up the social pecking order very fast when you’re inherently shy and constantly being shoved from home to home. All it did was convince the other kids that Eli was trying to curry favor with their parents (which, he was, but not in an attempt to push others out). Eli quickly tamped that niceness down and eventually dropped it in favor of a more confident and ruthless personality- he essentially went from a follower to a leader. When he could get away with it Eli would gladly make others look bad (such as by blaming them for accidents or accusing them of bullying); he would do anything to look good to others, but adults always took priority over the opinions of other kids. He was very much a “teacher’s pet” to any adult who would give him attention, and while he was sometimes able to get away with having decent-if-distant friendships in school or in his foster homes, he also burnt a lot of bridges trying to impress the authority figures in his life. 

27. If they could meet another character from another show/movie/book/etc., who would be the most fun for them to meet?

I honestly think a situation where the Criminal Minds BAU was called to Merit would be very entertaining (it’s a concept I’ve played around with recently), because this random civilian is just being allowed to assist the cops for no reason, his girlfriend has somehow convinced the entire police force to listen to him, and he is very obviously putting on some sort of facade. Like, I know Eli is supposed to be very charming in canon, but it seems to be a fragile illusion considering Sydney, Victor, and Stell all seemed to see through it really quickly. Eli’s “hero” persona wouldn’t stand a chance against the BAU.

(Plus, imagine Reid reacting to the existence of superpowers. He’d have a field day.)

Thanks again for the ask!

Ask game here!