#just wish i was more motivated in general but my life is Just Kinda Sad and im an Antisocial Anxious Wreck Dear Cog

[cathalbravecog]

veep dad comfort art

[total-drama-brainrot]

Hello hello ophe 👋😇

Just gonna say hockey bro Gwen

That it’s that is the ask

But I have a question? If you mind answering I’m fine if you can’t answer it really 👽

Do you have any writing tips for an amateur fanfic writer? (Me😔) cause I have a hard time with characterization. Just tips on that would be great😊 but it’s kinda sad to see that some people think of Rice Krispies like that even though it has been tagged and all that 😔

But I wish you the best of luck ophe! 😎🥳

-Ass Stars anon

Hello hello, Ass Stars Anon! 👋😊

(Is it obvious that I know literally nothing about hockey?)

As for writing tips, I'm not exactly a qualified or professional author, but I'm more than happy to share some of the tips and tricks I use when it comes to characterisation.

Primarily, it's really important to understand three key aspects of the character you're writing; their habits, their motives, and their temperament.

When you're writing for a certain character, always consider not only what they're doing, but why they're doing it. You can have your characters do something entirely OOC if you can justify why they'd be doing it, either through circumstance or by utilizing the three key aspects.

For example, when Trent gets uncharacteristically aggressive towards Cody in "Up the Creek", it's still in character because it's motivated by his feelings for Gwen- Trent's already established as a bit of a hopeless romantic, so having him act irrationally due to his uncertainty over Gwen's returned feelings excuses his hostility (despite his usual laid-back nature). We see later, especially in Action, that Trent has a habit/tendency of acting irrationally when it comes to anything that threatens his love life.

Of course, habits can also refer to the little patterns and behaviours certain characters have; for example, Harold's continuous use of "Gosh!" is a habit of his- something that can be easily identified as a Harold Behaviour, and something super easy to add to his dialogue to keep it feeling in character.

Another good example of utilizing dialogue habits is (not to self promo here) how I write Alejandro's speech in my stories. Throughout the show itself, you'll rarely hear Alejandro use contractions and abbreviations (he'll say "we all" instead of "we'll", or "is it not?" instead of "isn't it?"), and his manner of speech is very formal (for a ~16 year old) both due to the fact that English is his second language and the fact that he's the son of a high profile diplomat. That's why, when I write for him, I make a point of keeping his written dialogue as contraction-free as possible.

I hope that my little tangent there helps at least somewhat!

And thank you for the concern! I think some people misconstrued what my intentions were with the RK fic, which is understandable given one of the primary concepts used in the fic is generally used in a sexual context (which is such a waste of a perfectly good plot device by the way! Honestly, I wish people would stop associating cool concepts with The Horny to the point where people trying to explore them as narrative devices are assumed to be creeps 😓) but the anon who initially accused me of unsavoury things has since apologised, so no harm no foul. Though my fic is properly tagged, I should've made it more apparent either in the summary or the author's notes that it isn't as, uh, 'distasteful' as some might assume.

I wish you the best of luck too! 😁

[blu3cl0v3rs]

I'd like to hear why you don't like the Oni Trilogy!

Alright, here we go!

First off, the "romance" (I wouldn't even count it as romance tbh, it was all manipulation-) between Harumi and Lloyd felt super forced and kind of out of character for Lloyd, did not like it. Sure, it made sense in a "it's all a part of my evil scheme" for Harumi, but Lloyd, while he is very quick to trust, doesn't seem like a "love at first sight" kind of person. Also, the age gap is kinda weird because Harumi was probably around Lloyd's age, but then Lloyd aged up and so it's kinda... y'know.

Second, I did not appreciate that they resurrected Garmadon. Sure, I loved and hated and sobbed over Garmadon's sacrifice, and do feel that it was unneeded, but Garmadon's story was over. Done. Finished. The end, that's it. Especially considering he sacrificed himself, it was a very dramatic and pivotal scene in Season 4, and all the more sad to see Lloyd and Garmadon's final goodbye in Season 5. It felt very demeaning to me (remember this is all my opinion) that they not only brought him back, but made him evil again.

On the topic of Garmadon, another thing that bugged me is that they removed Lloyd and Garmadon's relationship. The two things that made Garmadon an interesting villain was that he didn't actually want to be evil but was instead corrupted, but also that he loved his son. His relationship with Lloyd is what made Season 2 so interesting to me, because it was literally just Garmadon dancing around having to fight his son while also trying to take over Ninjago. So, in my opinion, Garmadon feels bland because he doesn't have that reluctant evil mindset, but also he does not care for his son. He does not drop everything, team up with his brother and the Ninja, and fight several Serpentine to save his son. Any sort of characterization or flavor that the writers have given him was sucked out.

Garmadon spent almost his whole life trying to not be evil or accepting that he could never be good. He hated being evil. It was amazing that he was "purified" (I think that's what we're calling it) and that he can live without being forced to be evil, so it felt very... out of place and inorganic to completely relapse back into the "Garmadon is evil" thing.

Also, I believe Season 9 should've ended with Mystake dragging Garmadon by the hair to his jail cell and Zane should not have utilized Cole's fear of singing that way in Season 8 (it felt insensitive and out of place for Zane's character, even if it was to pull of a plan), but that might just be me.

Third, the Oni were so weird. Weird as in out of place. Weird as in "why the hell are you here?", weird as in Season 10 didn't need to exist, in my opinion. Literally, you could watch Ninjago without Season 10, and the only out of place part would really be Garmadon's cryptic warning at the end of Season 9. Also, Cole's fakeout death was resolved way too soon.

Fourth, Season 8 and the Oni trilogy as a whole was a very weird way to wrap up Season 7. I thought I missed a special or something. I don't like how the Time Twins just... disappeared, and were never talked about again. I feel like we should've spent more time with the Ninja exploring and searching for Wu. To me, it was very disconnected and in general kinda weird.

I also didn't like how they ditched the iconic intro. Sure, it was cool to see more of Ninjago City, but what the fuck happened to "JUMP UP KICK BACK WHIP AROUND AND SPIN"??

I'll give a quick list on stuff I do like about it and things relating to it though, just to show I'm not incessantly shitting on it:

I like Harumi's character. Her motive, if you look from her point of view and ignore any extra details that you as a viewer would know, it makes a lot of sense. No, it doesn't make sense why she targets Lloyd specifically, but it makes sense why she hates the Ninja and admires Garmadon.

I like how they show Lloyd actually being affected by Harumi traumatizing him. Wish they would've done that with literally any other season before (cough cough Season 5 cough cough), but I'll take a win where I can get it.

I like that they actually had the villains win. The sort of apocalyptic vibe they had going in Season 9 was great.

The Oni masks were kinda cool

I liked Ninjago City's designs, it was interesting

I liked how we got the Main 4 being dumbasses without Lloyd, Nya, Wu, or Pixal to bail them out in Season 9

I liked the GB dynamics we got in Season 9

I love that they brought back some of the other elemental masters

Baby Wu and kid Wu were unhinged, and I demand a prequel show that's just the utter chaotic bullshittery that would be young Garmadon and Wu, with FSM making his appearances

Teen Wu is precious

In general I liked how the Ninja stepped up to sorta parent Wu as he rapidly aged up

Mystake. Enough said.

The Dragon Hunters were interesting (barring the Baron)

Faith. Also enough said.

Pixal showing up with her own body and revealing herself as Samurai X was... unneeded but still cool. I mean unneeded as in I don't think she needed to hide it.

The Pixane scene when they were crashed in the jungle was cute

Jay panicking about proposing and the proposal as well was also cute

Kai older-brother-ing again in Season 10 in that one scene with Nya was great

I like most of the Ninja's new designs (as much as I hated Nya's original hairstyle, the ponytail feels really basic. Also, Kai needs to take off that FSM damned bandage)

[heybaetae]

This is partially for me because I'm really curious about your opinion about this. 👀 What would you consider an unhealthy relationship with an artist you admire? Bts for example. And I don't mean the physical stuff like actually following them everywhere and taking pictures because that's not even liking & admiring the artist, that's just straight up fcked up and for money. But in like an emotional way? When is it too much? Because sometimes I say stuff like I'm emotionally dependent on <member> but honestly I don't think I am? Like they make me very happy whenever I watch something and they make me laugh so much and when they say something sad or talk about past experiences I also get sad, and when someone is not on social media for a long time I miss them a lot but I still go on with my day, do my stuff etc. And I cried with/for them in the past and there were things I could relate to that they had said or done. But I can still do my things, I'm not on social media 24/7 waiting for them to do something, so I guess I'm not truly emotionally dependent on them? 🤔 Have you seen someone who was on the edge of / in an unhealthy relationship with any artist?

good question! i have thoughts on this in general and a lot of it stems not just from the bts fandom, but previous fandoms i’ve been in where the parasocial relationship someone has to a celebrity they stan starts to concern me. for the record though, i don’t think any of the examples you mentioned about your relationship with bts are unhealthy. i think they’re all very normal feelings to have for them because you care about them, but it sounds like you still know where to draw the line. i don’t think actually being emotionally dependent on a famous person is healthy, but i absolutely agree that they can be a source of happiness, sometimes more than other things or people in your life can and that’s a more individual type of experience and might be worth talking to a professional about if it starts to effect you negatively. but if it doesn’t, carry on.

my concern is more with making a point to follow or keep an eye on someone’s non-famous family and friends on social media, harassing those people, and sleuthing for information to the point of making those people feel unsafe just for knowing or having any kind of relation to that famous person, especially if they’ve made it a point to keep those exact people extremely private for that very reason. i’d also question things if someone’s entirely personality revolved around loving a celebrity to the point of like…eating, breathing, drinking, traveling, replicating every little thing they’ve ever done with permanence such as copying tattoos and visiting every place they’ve ever been in—and i don’t mean public places like museums or parks—i’m talking real businesses like salons, restaurants, gyms, they’re known to frequent, etc. and going out of your way to make acquaintances with people who’ve worked with them just to feel “closer” or in the hopes of crossing paths, which starts to border on obsessive and creepy ulterior motives. wishing harm or threatening people on their behalf, demanding more work or attention from them, speculating way too much (not just being curious or making light jokes) about their personal lives, sex lives, mental well-being, and overanalyzing their interactions with each other to push a narrative or coming up with reasons why they’re being mistreated by their company or fellow members. i say this because i’ve been guilty of entertaining that kinda stuff in the past in a few other fandom(s) and it wasn’t until i got into bts that i finally was able to recognize how incredibly fucked up and abnormal that is for a stranger to do, fan or not.

there’s lots more examples but you get my gist. i think if you’re avoiding doing most of that, then you’re fine.

[fixated-frenzy]

Things in Animal Crossing that they should fix

I’m a big animal crossing fan and I’ve been playing it since 2020. Well.. on and off again since then. The reason being is that the game stays the same and at a certain point, you just have nothing left to do. At this point I’ve made a movie theater, a school, and I’m working on a graveyard. I’ve spent a lot of time forming my island and when it’s perfect, then what? There’s the happy home paradise package, but the money isn’t even bells and it’s the same thing over and over again. So here’s some things I think animal crossing should do to keep players online.

1.) a notes feature

Sometimes in animal crossing there’s nothing to do, and then again sometimes there’s a LOT to do. So I believe on the nook phone there should be a notes feature where you can list all of your tasks and cross them off like terraforming or building a fence.

2.)Better customization

The customization kits are useful, but there’s only so much you can customize! Animal crossing should let you be able to customize any item that you have whether it’s a gazebo or a park bench. Adding more color options to the customization would also be cool considering the limited amount.

3.)mini games

Having mini games and challenges will definitely help players stay online. Maybe during Christmas you can have a game where you deliver presents to villagers houses, or during October, you can go trick or treating and villagers can give you candy. During the day, maybe villagers can ask you to play games like tic tac toe or play cards instead of it only being in your own house. Just in general making the villagers more interesting and adding more life to the game would be a great experience.

4.) more ways to get diy recipes

There are very few ways to get fit recipes but there are so many recipes to get! So maybe adding a feature where if you get up to 1000 miles in a day you get a new diy recipe, that way it’ll motivate people to play the game and explore to get miles. Maybe a system like 1000 is fencing diy and 2000 is furniture? Half of the diys I find on the beach I already have and it’s pretty annoying.

Other features that would be cool

-having a best friend villager

-being able to call villagers to hang out

-having tom nook and Isabelles contact to discuss town matters

-more ordnances

-more construction pathways

-more redeem miles items

-weekly fashion shows sponsored by the able sisters

-nooks cranny weekly 50% off sales

-the roost coffee shop hang out with villagers

-the coffee gives you energy to shovel trees

-parties hosted by Tom book and Isabelle (not just on holidays)

And there you have it! Those are just a few things I think would make animal crossing better! Here’s a fan edit on YouTube on an animal crossing update that we would all love. The animation is great and I wish it was real!!😭 (ps the fact that the game needs so much more to it that fans make edits of updates is honestly kinda sad)💕R

[strawberrycinema]

It’s been said a thousand times before. But some of y’all need to learn how to be more generous with your interpretations of others’ motives and actions. Especially online, especially with strangers, especially where so much social context is completely stripped from every interaction (and even things that aren’t intended to be interactions: like people making silly posts for their 3 mutuals).

Some of y’all are needlessly aggressive to total strangers, defensive about the most trivial topics. A person making a bland, tonally neutral statement of their opinion ideally should not make you heated to the point of mocking and insulting them. If it does, that must be very stressful for you! I hope you can find a way to work around that and manage to make living in a world with other people more comfortable for yourself. You do not have to make your current discomfort everybody else’s problem though. It complicates life in a way that can be avoided and can make it more difficult for you to eventually find that comfort you’re after — being unpleasant to other people tends to reflect back into your life.

This isn’t aimed at anybody. I’m not vagueblogging about any of my followers or mutuals. I’ve just seen someone I formerly respected as they share my vocation and some positions on things publish a long and hostile reply to a frankly mild post about modern culture, and it was strong enough to completely reverse my opinion of them.

This is on top of noticing a revival of a kind of hostility I used to see more about ten years ago that declined for a bit (in my perception, at least) and has seemed to come back with a vengeance. Wishing violence on random strangers who have done you no personal harm is weird, actually. Not in that it’s uncommon (it unfortunately isn’t), but in that it’s maybe inappropriate, uncalled-for, unhelpful, and probably actively harmful for your own health — your spiritual health, if you’re into that kinda thing, or your mental/emotional/social health if that makes more sense to your worldview.

I’m trying to frame and phrase all of this as nonjudgmentally as possible, mostly because I’m personally not heated or especially sad or heartbroken or disappointed even, but I wonder if some of the people using this site are even thinking about the harm they might cause. I know I’ve said thoughtless things and immediately regretted it, had to go back and delete replies and reblogs and apologize because it settled in late that I said or did something that came from a place inside me that I didn’t like. It’s happened that I didn’t even notice that I said something inappropriate for the moment until someone reacted in a way that I didn’t expect, and I had to reevaluate and walk it back after damage had been done.

There may not really be a point to this. I’m always confused about the intensity of other people and their emotions and reactions, it’s something I’ve always had to grapple with. I would just like to see people be a little bit more even-keeled about pretty much everything online.

(All this to the exclusion of the very real and important feelings of anger and injustice that come from material places of harm. I’m not talking about that here.)

I’m hoping y’all are having a pretty peaceful evening.

[lavenderdreamzz]

05/03/2022

Writing in a secret Tumblr account seems sooo 2010′s, but at age 26 it feels more essential than ever because 1. physically writing hurts my fingers. 2. I can’t focus on one thing at a time. My brain fails to have any sense of hyper focus whatsoever. At this very moment, journaling my thoughts, feelings, emotions, just damn near everything feels so crucial and necessary. No matter how much I work on it, I can never fully verbalize everything I want to say or feel. I don’t know if I hold back because I’m a people pleaser (unfortunately) or just genuinely scared of everything, like literally everything.

 I’ve come to the realization that I can’t focus for shit on anything longer than what feels like 5 minutes and it’s frightening. Although, it does feel like I should be happy I’m catching this now rather than at 30-- then I’d probably really feel like I’m in a mid-life crisis. Anyway, it’s come to the point where I feel like I’m a nuisance to society because I’m very unaware...rather than crawling into a hole and hiding for the rest of my life, I probabllllly should get some help + maybe help for anxiety, depression, and panic attacks too. On top of feeling like a nuisance, I just feel like I have no drive in life anymore. (Quick side note: I just looked up an article on ADHD in women and it’s looking like all signs are pointing me in that direction) 

I guess in order to dissect the root of cause, I’ll list a few good and bad qualities of myself. I’ve done shadow work before, but working on thyself is never ending. Let’s not start off too dark, shall we?

Great Qualities: 

Loyal

Thoughtful

Creative

Kind

Kinda sad that this is all I can confidently think of right now

Qualities I posses that need improvement:

Difficulty focusing

No sense of saving any money (living paycheck to paycheck)

Acting based on emotion

Emotionally selfish (I have a really hard time with this because I feel like I’m stuck between standing up for myself or people pleasing. Like, what’s the in-between? I thought I knew but maybe I don’t)

Terrible Impulse spender (even when I don’t have shit to my name)

Using these potential disorders (adhd, anxiety, depression, panic attacks, etc.) as a constant excuse to be a lazy bitch just because I’m always sad, scared, confused, insecure, sensitive, shy, etc.)

Low self esteem

Lack of motivation

Okay, now that that’s out of the way I’m just going to take the time needed to process everything I just typed out. Brene Brown says the average number of emotions humans are able to recognize is 3. I just named 6 so that’s a start. Now I want to write out all the things I want to work on and actually succeed:

I’d like to be a better listener, effective communicator, self-driven. I want and must break all the generational traits and actions I was raised around. I absolutely refuse to have my children grow up the same way I did or inherit traits of myself that I only wished to have fixed. I’d like to not always be so scared or sensitive to try new things, new experiences.. to simply just live life carefree. I want to be the best version of myself possible, not just for me, but for my partner. He deserves that much, and so do our future children. He sees things in me that I don’t see within myself. I want to be able to recognize it all and give myself some credit in this lifetime. 

I’m going to end this post for today. I feel emotionally drained. I’ll end it with a note to myself and a quote from an article on shadow work.

Dear self,

You are a work in progress and that is okay. You’ve had time to rest and reboot. It’s been five months at home, you need to get out there and live again. Have new experiences in the world, make your money, learn professionally and personally in order to evolve. You’re only scared of the unknown. How will you reach what’s meant for you if you don’t take a leap of faith that you’ll walk out of a situation having learned something. So much time has passed but it’s not too late for you. Give this season of your life as much focus as possible. Want this for yourself and watch where you end up in another five months.

“The personal shadow is the disowned self. This shadow self represents the parts of us we no longer claim to be our own, including inherent positive qualities.

These unexamined or disowned parts of our personality don’t go anywhere. Although we deny them in our attempt to cast them out, we don’t get rid of them.

We repress them; they are part of our unconscious. Think of the unconscious as everything we are not conscious of.

We can’t eliminate the shadow. It stays with us as our dark brother or sister. Trouble arises when we fail to see it. For then, to be sure, it is standing right behind us.”

[a-slut-for-smut]

002 | for ereannie? ^^

OOO this is a good one! I actually been wanting to explore what draws me to this ship, so thanks for sending :D

002 | Send me a ship and I will tell you:

When I started shipping them:

Definitely that training scene where Annie wipes the fking floor with Eren- seriously when i saw that scene i was like OH HOHOHO N O I C E

Something about a woman so effortlessly handing an overconfident man his ass just tickles the ovaries so splendidly, ya know? i could (and will) dine on that scene for years to come, i mean, let's be honest- how could you not:

My thoughts:

Full disclosure i'm not a hardcore ereannie shipper (altho i do crush HARD on Annie) but this is my preferred pairing for each of them, especially from the start. I just love a ship dynamic where both characters plays a huge role in each other's development, shared parallels and shown to have a mutual respect for one another. Honestly, if Eren had shown even a fraction of respect he had for Annie to Mikasa it would have made the ending much more palatable for me. Also I am so WEAK for ships where the women could very easily whoop the man's ass, just love the power dynamics involved lol. Admittedly my fervor for the ship waned when Isayama in his infinite wisdom kept Annie stuck in a crystal for 84 years/out of the story, and with the Return to Shiganshina/Marley arc i bought into Erehisu/Eren's baby theory because...well, it made perfect sense given logical character motivations and their development.

What makes me happy about them:

My headcanon of how Annie will time and again beat the crap out of Eren and he freakin McLoves it (he asks for it honestly) XD

What makes me sad about them:

How they didn't have any interaction in the ending/Marley arc. And as with most characters in SNK, it was upsetting how their characters ended up, development-wise. Annie brought back more like an afterthought but had no real service to the plot and ultimately just becomes a female love interest in the end. Eren...jesus i dont even know where to begin so i wont lol

Things done in fanfic that annoys me:

I'll be honest- i haven't read exclusively ereannie fics, what ive read is usually them as a secondary ship in a RM fic. In this instance, I would say one thing i dont generally vibe with so much is infidelity/cheating- its not something i can condone in real life and i have a mutual respect kink so it kinda takes me out of a fic/hard for me to invest fully in that kind of story.

Things I look for in fanfic:

hot steamy smut! (with explicit consent of course)

My wishlist:

I really wish they had an explicit interaction in the end. To think how much Annie contributed to Eren's character (and vice versa) and not having them say one word to each other? What a waste. (i know he "supposedly" spoke to her in PATHS but that whole sequence seemed pretty ehhh/hand-wavey to me honestly). Even Annie having one line/POV during the titan fest brawl would have sufficed- "Eren...was this who you were all along? I could never imagine you could ever be capable of this..." etc etc

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other:

As i mentioned above, to me Eren with Historia made complete sense given how the manga was progressing/logical motivations/their shared parallels not to mention the character development potential for both was through the roof.

I really vibe with AnnieHitch and Mikannie- i love their dynamic with each other, respectively. I dont mind Aruani (even tho him visiting her alone repeatedly and her having no choice in the matter can come off a bit…creepy...but hey isayama’s warped sense of romance rears it’s questionable head again) BUT i love how Hitch calls him out on it XD

Anyway I think i'd like it better if Annie wasn't brought back to essentially become a female love interest :/

My happily ever after for them:

Honestly...just an ending where their characters aren't completely butchered *sighs*

Actually...on second thought an ending where Annie personally whoops Eren's ass into the next dimension/PATHs or whatever (and he thanks her for it comes to his senses) because i am a whore for those kind of scenes XD

Thanks again for the ask! Happy to answer more :)

[momtaku]

(1/2)I’m not sure if this ask will annoy u or not so i apologize in advance but. I guess part of the reason why i lost a lot of love for levi and snk in general is because what drew me to levi was how selfless he was (call me boring, i know.) the fact that he constantly carried the burden of fallen comrades, his innate compassion and desire to make life better for humans, his upbringing in the underground etc. when some ppl take that away and state “he was thinking only of erwins humanity…

(2/3 oops)) on the roof” or “the promise is the only thing that keeps him going” and kinda makes his primary motivation about erwin, or that he dedicated himself more to erwin the person as opposed to any higher goal, it sometimes upsets me. with all the extra material given from isym, i guess theres no denying it either which sucks (for me) as someone who has never cared much for erwin or eruri. sometimes i wish isym never provided all these extra materials because without it, i never would

(3/3) have drawn the conclusion that erwin was “THE most” important to levi, even more than his goal. ive never been a fan of the trope where person A puts person B above “the weight of the world” which is why yumihisu never appealed to me either. but yeah, idk. and i hope this doenst come off as hate, although ive never liked erwin or eruri i am glad that majority of this fandom is able to enjoy the ship! its just,, been sad for me i guess.

----

No sincere ask annoys me. Bait doesn't annoy me either although I prefer to spend time on sincere asks. My baitdar has been a little off these days so I sometimes struggle determining what is sincere and what isn't. With this ask, it seems like bait, but I'm struggling to see what you hoped to accomplish with it. Did you think I'd agree?

The thing is, I don't know any actual eruris (or many fans of the series for that matter) who would agree with this sort of oversimplification of Levi's character when it comes to Erwin. Instead what you've done here is compile every straw man that I’ve seen on tumblr regarding eruris into a single ask, which is sort of fun to see.

A straw man is the term for when someone purposefully misrepresents another persons argument in order to make it easier to defeat. Here's an infographic (source) which sums it up perfectly:

An example from the eruri fandom would look something like this:

There seem to be a cottage industry these days of blogs focusing on defeating such pretend arguments. Your ask sounds like you've been spending a lot of time on those.

The thing is nearly all eruris agree that Levi was selfless. They don't reduce him to a vow. They agree he cared about humanity. For two years we defended Levi against groups who reduced him to "must kill monke" and claimed he was only focused on vengeance. Now the conversation has flipped but we're still saying the same thing.

Do I think the promise kept Levi going? Yes. Do I think it was the only thing keeping him going? No. He's always fought for humanity.

Do I think Levi prioritized Erwin's humanity of the roof? Yes. Does this mean I think he didn't care about humanity? No. See above.

Do I think Erwin was Levi's most important person? 100% yes. Does this in any way diminish his feelings for any other character? Of course not. He obviously cared about Hange, Eren, the 104th and all of his fallen comrades. His compassion is the best thing about his character.

So anon, I don't know what to tell you. If you don't like Erwin, Eruri or even (*gasp*) Yumikuri, that's fine. No one is saying you have to. If the series makes you sad, self help would be to avoid it. Your ask didn't come off as hate, it just really had me scratching my head.

Thanks for the ask!

[emtornado]

I liked a Miraculous episode? What??

WTF I LIKED RISK SO MUCH

FINALLY

G O O D C O N T E N T

First of all, let's talk about an akumatisation that went on for literal hours like damn.

Now let’s go character by character.

Marinette is growing up y’all?? OMG?? She’s finally being less stalker (seen since psycomedian) and is acting like a normal teen who genuinely loves Adrien. I strongly believe that her previous feelings were obsessive and now she’s getting used to them and is genuinely falling in love with Adrien as a person rather than as an idea, something also seen in her speech to Chat Noir before. So yay for that. Risky is a good look on her as well, I can’t wait to see where part two takes this new characterisation for her. On another note, let’s talk about the inferiority complex she has because of being Ladybug. I mean, as LB, she believes that she’s better and more useful, which is taking a toll on her life as a fucking child. Lowkey depressing.

Adrien. MY BABIE. I love how he was TRYING in this ep. Of course, sentimonster things didn’t let him get very far but holy shit this is the most this boy has ever done I’m so proud of him, especially counting in the confidence boosts he got thanks to Plagg in Kuro Neko, and the general kinda improvement he has had with Ladybug as Chat Noir. I was proud of him in this episode. The way he stood up to Lila OMGGGGGG. ALSO, THE FACT THAT HE MAY FIND OUT ABOUT GABBY NOW HOLY CRAP.

Felix is fucking amazing, the only character with a brain and I absolutely love him. Is he a bitch? Yes. Is he entertaining as fuck? YES. I mean his motives are basically to find Shadowmoth and take control of his own life (and help Adrien as well if he feels like it at that moment maybe). He is one of the best characters and I wish that he was given more importance and a more present role in the previous season so his character buildup made more sense.

Gabriel. An absolute jerk. I hate him so much gods, as a villain and as a father. I mean he basically made Adrien exist to further his campaign for his company at this point. He is an abusive asshole and I hate him but he’s finally doing actual villainy shit which will help in plot purposes yay. I wish Chloe's character arc wasn’t what it is but oh well.

ALSO, LET’S BRING BACK THE FACT THAT LILA WAS CALLED OUT. I hate her and I want her to pls yeet off the miraculous planet earth or some shit.

Special mention: Kagami. Bruh. I loved her. All hail her for that rant that was absolutely beautiful.

I’m glad Alya and Nino and the others finally started using their brains but this was at the worst possible moment? Like they were all just projecting on Adrien and that was super sad. The one time they should have listened to Marinette and they fucked off, pain.

Now for the episode on a whole. It was a genuinely good episode. Season 4 has been an absolute mess, with random episodes at random times and a timeline that makes little sense. But this episode will hopefully tie things together and give us a good ending for this season. I mean, last season we had Chat Blanc and it better top it (a hard thing to do but well. They better).

It was a genuinely good episode with proper interaction between characters, and I can’t wait to see where part two goes with this.

[5uptic]

crewfu: fanfic spotlight!

We work together by Anonymous (5up & DK, unrated, gen | 248 words)

Summary: One likes plants and baking, the other loves to create and design video games. They stay up and create monstrosities together, it's their fun, it's their favourite game. Aka a 5up and Dk roommate au!

No matter how life tangles, I’m still here with you. by hungryandsleepy (5up/Steve, general rating, m/m | 279 words)

Summary: 5up has been working so hard on his new map, and of course, he needs someone to give him a motivation to go to sleep.

objectively pretty by vesque (5up/Steve, general rating, m/m | 462 words)

Summary: steve is drunk. he's pretty sure 5up is too. that doesn't mean being called pretty is any less momentuous.

you plus me by mangoedges (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 489 words)

Summary: 5up and Steve meet.

he said to me by mangoedges (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 656 words)

Summary: 5up and Steve share a moment.

by the snowmen by mangoedges (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 670 words)

Summary: Steve has a moment when it's all over.

today you got to know me (a little bit too slowly) by runninohhoney (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 675 words)

Summary: Steve lights up a cigarette. 5up doesn't smoke.

what would it take by mangoedges (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 787 words)

Summary: It's Steve's first mission. He hecks up. Or does he?

sorta cute by floweruru (5up/Steve, unrated, m/m | 822 words)

Summary: ‘I wouldn’t do that,’ he said. ‘That’s just disrespectful,’ he said. Yet there was 5up, crushed like a can in Steve’s embrace, feebly kicking at nothing as his feet leave the pavement.

i was gonna kill u, but ur kinda cute?? by Cthulhuer (5up/Steve, general rating, m/m | 1k words)

Summary: Steve is a mess and 5up is worse.

I hear a Symphony by AwkwardAce (5up/Fundy, unrated, m/m | 1.1k words)

Summary: He exhaled until his lungs ached for air, fingers twitching as he opted to remove the sleek white gloves he wore in a feeble effort to soothe himself. It didn’t work. He wrung his trembling hands together as his eyes raked down the worn leather case taking in the doodles- some etched some drawn- across the faded surface. He snapped the buckles open and his breath hitched, catching in his already tight throat. For a moment the world span, his head throbbed and he wanted nothing more than to run and hide. 5up breathed out slowly, shakily.

staring by lytriis (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.1k words)

Summary: steve asks 5up out. 5up doesn’t know how to respond.

and it's four am, and yet, you're here by vesque (5up/Steve, general rating, m/m | 1.2k words)

Summary: in which steve shows up at 5up's house, in the middle of the night, completely spontaneously

more than this by mangoedges (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.2k words)

Summary: Steve catches 5up venting.

3:15 by vesque (5up/Steve, general rating, m/m | 1.2k words)

Summary: Steve tries to guess Five's name. It's much more difficult than he anticipated.

things were different by fourpebbles (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.5k words)

Summary: His eyes circled around to his friends, Kimi and Janet engaging in pleasant comversation, sleepy and becoming increasingly more sober. He looked, finally, across him, and caught Dumbdog staring at him. What now bro, what did this guy want. small talk, turns into not small talk, then there's no talk

Once Upon A Dream by SmearedWords (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.5k words)

Summary: 5up looks ethereal, while Steve is struggling to breathe. "You're not real either." Or: Steve has a crush and a nightmare in three parts, 5up is tired, the crew life is hard and Polus sucks.

the ones you love will call you back by homeward_bound (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.8k words)

Summary: stevesuptic: dude, is it weird that i miss vegas   DumbDog: No? I do too.   stevesuptic: okay [steve misses vegas and apollo. they talk about it]

cough it out by cj__writes (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2k words)

Summary: Apollo thinks that Steve must be well and truly gone, at this point, because he giggles, like Apollo’s just told a particularly funny joke. He looks Apollo right in the eye and asks, “Do you trust me?” “Absolutely not.”

ivy by Secular_Czar (5up/Steve, teen rating, gen | 2.1k words)

Summary: It might be a sad day, in general, but Steve isn't about to let it get to him. His friends won't ever let him wallow either.

The Colosseum by WhenTheFogClears (general rating, gen | 2.1k words)

Summary: Five squinted, looking at the colosseum intensely. He thinks Apollo was latched onto the sphinx’s shoulder, fur matted with blood. Janet was slumped against a column, probably out, with Kimi whose bow was snapped in two, her leg twisted at an odd angle. DK was in the corner trying to cast various supporting hexes and charms with a broken arm, whilst Hafu was dragging a heavily bandaged Steve away. or 5up slaughters a cat

Oneshots :) by woofles1990 (5up/Fundy, 5up/Steve, teen rating, multi | 2.5k words, oneshot collection)

Summary: Just a bunch of MCYT/Among Us oneshots, mainly featuring 5up's crew because yes :)

the adventures of 5up and steve staying up late because they're under 30 by 5280ft (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2.5k words)

Summary: “The night is young!” Steve yells at the ceiling, throwing his hands up in the air. “Take advantage of it! Commit crimes! Fuck hoes!” Five catches his hands in the air and laughs. “You wish you had hoes.”

unreasonably in love by cj__writes (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2.6k words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: "It was like pieces of a puzzle, everything coming together. And now, here they are, standing in their apartment, which looks more like a hollow shell than a home, filled solely with scattered boxes and the minuscule amount of furniture that they brought with them to Vegas." Or: what happens after Apollo and Steve move in together.

cant be love by fourpebbles (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 3.5 words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: He had chuckled to himself, he felt so stupid. Who in their fucking minds names a playlist 'sugr?', he thought, internally cringing. A story where a Steve meets an Apollo, and some things happen.

Somewhere in the darkness, us together for a while by tumtummeke (Apollo & Kimi & Steve, teen rating, gen | 3.6k words)

Summary: Apollo worries about Steve. Steve breaks his vape pen. Kimi plays power washer. Self-indulgent angst, with a generous helping of friendship and cuddles.

odyssey by 5280ft (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 23k words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: "First you will come to the Sirens who enchant all who come near them. If any one unwarily draws in too close and hears the singing of the Sirens...they warble him to death with the sweetness of their song. Therefore pass these Sirens by and stop your men's ears with wax that none of them may hear." -Homer, The Odyssey

Also: SilverSprinklez10‘s yupwaves collection.

Summary: This is a Harry Potter AU based on the characters/personas of the youtubers/streamers.

FAQ:

Wait what is this: pretty straight to the point! i’ll regularly share crewfu-related fanfictions to this blog :)

How regularly is “regularly”?: great question! LOL. it depends on the flow of fanfics that get uploaded, which i do not have any control over, but i’m looking forward to do this twice a month. after all, it’s only me doing this and i often run on a tight schedule.

What’s the format like?:

[title of fic with link] by [author of the fic with link] ([main pairing(s), if there is one/multiple], [fic rating: eg, general rating], [relationship: eg, m/m] | [word count in k] ([added prompt to specify if it’s complete or not)])

Summary: [summary provided by the author. if it doesn’t have a summary, a “No summary” prompt will be put instead]

(What does WIP mean again?): Work In Progress :)

Why are you doing this?: from the beginning, my blog has hosted conversations about RPF (real people fiction) and crewfu pairings. this has evolved into people sending me updates about certain fics in the crewfu tags every now and then, but i wanna take the next step and just do these things myself. after all, i’m already lurking in the tags often to see the fics that get posted. as someone who is both a writer and a reader, i wanna appreciate fanfic writers and help out other people that want to read fanfic and consume more fandom content!

Will it be AO3 only?: well, ao3 has a very helpful tag system that makes finding fics incredibly easy, as well as allowing people with no accounts to like and comment on fics, so that’s the site i will personally look in for fanworks. but if there are any fics you’ve written or liked in any other platforms, such as wattpad, you can always contact me through my inbox (send an ask or a dm!), and i’ll make sure to include for the next fanfic spotlight :)

Does it mean you won’t reply to fic asks anymore?: yeah, i guess. since i’ll be doing the searching myself it seems counterproductive. but if i ever skip a fic or again, it’s in another platform, or you’ve posted/read the fic a while ago and you want to get more traction on it, hit me up and i’ll take it into consideration!

Will you read every single one of the fics on your list?: oh no. again, i run on a tight schedule, and also i have my own taste when it comes to fics. i won’t be reviewing fics or any of the sort, and my intention extends to simply sharing these fics to this page so people will have easier access to them :) that’s where ao3 tagging becomes SUPER useful!!!

So what’s the criteria for the way you’ll sort out the fics in your list?: word count, going from lowest to highest. in case of fics in other platforms, i guess i’ll put them at the top of the list. i’ll also be looking for fairly recent fics, so let me know if you want any old-ish fic to be included.

I see you talking mostly about 5up/Steve and Steve/Apollo. Can I still send/see other crewfu fics?: why yes absolutely! my goal is to push every fic which heavily features regular crewfu characters - 5uptic and supdog just happen to be very popular pairings. so, to give you a list: core 4 (5up, hafu, dk, steve), apollo, aipha, annie, janet, kimi, ellum, koji... you know the drill. it doesn’t have to be centered on a relationship, or about 5up in specific, etc. my only requirement is that any of the previously mentioned members are a central part of the fic or are HEAVILY featured in it (sorry, minecraft fics with 50+ tags who only mention 5up as an afterthought won’t make the cut :/).

Isn’t shipping Bad™?: well, it’s a little more nuanced than that. i will go out of my way to discourage and shame people who often violate CCs’ boundaries by acting like so and so has a crush on this person, or that this and that are Actually Into Each Other or secretly dating. any sort of tinhat bullshit is a big nono (think larries). but i run on the assumption that people who write rpf understand that what they’re doing is simply write a completely fictional story using real life personalities, and understand the boundaries necessary to do it - aka they’re not tinhats, they understand they can’t assume everything about CCs’ thoughts and personalities, they understand that what they’re writing is strictly fiction, they keep these works only in fandom circles, etc. (but again, it’s only one me doing this, so please be kind if i don’t happen to know that this person is Actually a tinhat or whatever).

show fic: NO. (seriously. i don’t feel comfortable putting my ao3 account out there. please respect my privacy on these trying times <3)

I REALLY don’t care about your rpf/fic talk: fair! i’ll be tagging every single one of these posts as “fanfic spotlight”, so just mute the tag using tumblr settings so you’ll never have to look at these! likewise, you can follow the tag if you want to keep up with it, or search it on my blog to look at the other entries you might have missed (but this is the first one! lol).

Hey, my fic is here and I don’t feel comfortable with it being shared over here: no problem! let me know as soon as you can and i’ll take it down <3

[everythingsinred]

Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Natsume (pt. 2)

And we're back with more exciting and mean Natsume! Here we will further explore Natsume's life and how absolutely dark his existence is, as well as some very important aspects of his personality that will be useful to us when NatsuMikan starts picking up speed.

Again, I am warning people that this whole essay in general talks heavily about topics like bullying, child abuse, suicidal ideation, and depression, so if those are triggering topics, it might be better for you to not read.

Previously, we were introduced to Natsume and he has sent Mikan on a dangerous quest to the Northern Woods. During that trip, she and her friends have captured his one and only best friend, Ruka, which will not bode well.

Chapter Five

Chapter Five is instrumental for completing Natsume’s introduction, long as it’s been. Natsume is a mysterious character, and he will continue to be evasive and strange for many chapters to come, but by the end of this chapter, we will understand some basic foundation for his character.

The chapter starts with Ruka’s point of view, recalling a moment when he saw Natsume cry, presumably after a mission. Ruka wonders why it’s only Natsume that has to go through “this”, and Natsume tells him that he can take it--for now. He says he wants to grow up and be an adult, to be big and strong enough to properly escape this hell. This is a consistent wish of Natsume’s, and in many ways his only wish: to grow up already.

Higuchi really out here trying to convince us this was supposed to be a cheerful story.

Natsume had to be an adult, had to make the selfless and responsible choices for the sake of his family and for Ruka, had to abandon play and smiles and laughter for a life of secret missions and frequent hospital trips. He’s dying and he wants to be an adult already because he’s certain he’ll never be able to grow up. He wants his body to match the level of responsibility he’s had to take on, but he can’t force the outside to match the inside, especially when he’ll probably be dead long before it happens anyway. This wish evolves and changes when he falls for Mikan, but it doesn’t go away.

He associates adulthood with control, because his life at the academy has been observing the adults control and use him. He wants control for once, to be able to make a choice and even just say no.

Ruka notes that Natsume hasn’t cried at all since that night, and that he now keeps all his sorrow locked away. This kid needs therapy, immediately. This is another reason that Ruka is so precious to Natsume. Ruka is compassionate and kind, so concerned about his friend that he would also shut away his own heart so that he can’t be happy for as long as Natsume is in agony.

Natsume has a scene of his own, where he snaps at Permy for saying that Mikan is full of crap and lying about being an alice. He points out that the academy is not an easy place to lie your way into, and Permy immediately backtracks and lies that she’s agreed with him this whole time. Like I’d said earlier about the loneliness involved in being surrounded by fans who don’t really know or understand you, having people all around you bend over backwards for your approval makes it clear that they really have no interest in what you’re saying, just that you’re the one saying it.

In the anime essay, I’d pointed out that because of their admiration for him, it would elude people that Natsume is in fact lonely. He speaks out against things and people rush to agree, not really considering why he might say that. This is a similar moment, though he doesn’t seem too bothered by Permy’s behavior. It’s still concerning, but it’s interesting to compare this “yes, man” attitude to Ruka’s.

There is obviously a difference between someone agreeing with every word of your mouth no matter how much it changes and contradicts, bending over backwards for your approval, and someone wanting to match you out of compassion, but Ruka’s line of thinking does still have some major flaws.

Ruka is a child, just like the rest of them, so even though this behavior is motivated by love and compassion, it’s still immature and raises some questions.

“If you won’t smile, I won’t smile either,” is a sweet line, but now Natsume is aware that Ruka’s misery is his fault. If he wasn’t so sad, Ruka could be happy. This doesn’t make Natsume happy; it just makes them both sad, and that doesn’t solve any problems. Naturally, Natsume would never say that, and Ruka would claim he’s unbothered and--just like Natsume--that he doesn’t care about hanging out with the others, but they’re both miserable now, and I think this is part of the reason why there’s a gap between them at the start of the manga, and why they’re a bit distant, despite being best friends.

They’re each other’s most important person, but they don’t really communicate that well, and Ruka constantly feels like a burden.

Natsume needs something that Ruka can’t give him, and that something is what he’ll eventually get from Mikan.

That being said, at the moment, Natsume is getting nothing but irritation from Mikan. When he finds out Mikan and her gang kidnapped Ruka, that irritation turns into rage and we see a final fundamental building block for Natsume’s character: his berserk button.

Natsume doesn’t care about the reasoning or justification for the kidnapping. He doesn’t care about explanations or common sense.

His rage only increases when he discovers Ruka was tied up and even beaten (he is told this by a classmate, when Ruka is actually unharmed). The other kids in Class B--his admirers--are terrified to see how scary Natsume is when he’s furious.

Natsume's biggest weakness is Ruka so Mikan is kinda fucked.

He doesn’t care about the game anymore. He only cares about Ruka.

So he goes to the Northern Woods, where nobody is expecting him. He tells Mikan to leave the school, which… she cannot do, obviously. He is overtaken by rage and he ceases to be reasonable.

He uses his alice on everyone but Ruka, and is about to use it on Mikan, but her alice nullifies it. Then Narumi kisses him, prompting him to pass out.

Here, we are introduced to a consistent character trait of Natsume’s, one that may contradict all that talk about forced maturity and selflessness. In fact, Natsume’s habit to go absolutely postal on anyone who threatens a loved one is a contradictory one. Going into a rage requires the sacrifice of common sense and reason for the sake of complete emotional detonation, and as a result he fails to understand that his actions could inadvertently hurt his loved ones or innocent bystanders. No reassuring words are enough to calm him down, and sure enough Natsume will destroy something.

It’s important that we see this trait now, as part of Natsume’s informal introduction, as we will see plenty more instances of it later on. In a way, going berserk for someone can even be a love language of his, where if a person being threatened is enough to set him off, he probably cares about them.

And just as interesting as seeing what he does in these situations is posing the why! Why is it that Natsume goes ballistic in these situations, when it requires the loss of the one thing he wishes he had more of, control? My guess is that Natsume has had a rough childhood and much of that time was spent running away from a dangerous entity. Staying cool and calculated under some conditions would have its benefits, but so would the quick-action and confidence that Natsume would gain by going berserk. When you have to protect someone, and Natsume has been in that situation many times, then it’s sometimes even beneficial to be able to lose yourself for a moment or two. But perhaps it’s not that either. Natsume is, despite all his airs of coldness and mystery, actually a very emotional person, and in that way he is easy to understand. Even if this isn’t a habit he developed by watching his loved ones ripped away from him through either extortion, manipulation, or just plain murder, it’s still something he might be predisposed to: attacking with everything he has despite not having a clear plan or even any real thought.

Chapter Six

We pick up where we left off and Natsume wakes up grumpy after everyone seeing him under the effects of Narumi’s pheromone alice. He causes more destruction, still in somewhat of a rage, and even causes Narumi a head wound though his teacher seems unbothered by this (or maybe even used to it, who can say).

The next thing that happens is that an alarm rings, signaling that Natsume is due for severe punishment, and, as Naru points out, not something he can help with this time. Narumi warns him to get a move on before a mystery enemy (Persona) arrives, and that is enough to scare Natsume into getting out of there. But not before he issues a word of warning of his own to Mikan, that she will regret coming to Alice Academy of her own free will.

Isn't it interesting how her optimism, something he hated so much about her from the start, ends up being something he loves about her?

I have very many thoughts about this warning. It might even seem like a threat, as if Natsume will go out of his way to make sure she regrets her decision, but he does no such thing. He is convinced that Mikan doesn’t need help reaching that conclusion--she will realize it on her own because the school is simply that terrible.

It makes a little bit of sense to view Natsume’s hatred of Mikan this way: Mikan skipped right into his own personal hell with a smile on her face and a bubbly attitude. Meanwhile, he fought and kicked and screamed right until the very end when he was forced into attending the academy. And Mikan is not some normal girl who might be able to live a quiet and pleasant life in the academy. She’s already been marked, what with all the games about her enrollment, and that might anger Natsume even more: she’s really naive enough to walk into a place that’s not just hell to him, but inevitably to her too. Because of this, Natsume hates her and is predisposed to hate her more the more cheerful and optimistic she is.

And, unlike in the anime, this hatred takes much longer to go away.

Anyway, we see Natsume again later in class, when he shows up late after having just been terribly abused as punishment for his actions in the Northern Woods.

In the anime, Natsume catches Mikan insulting him while wearing the punishment mask, and although he’s covered in scratches and the kids are whispering about his bad mood, there’s not much else to it. He doesn’t seem any more unpleasant than he’s been this whole time.

There's nothing funny about this but I will put here as a warning that anybody who jokes that kids should be hit will be hit by me!

In the manga, Natsume is so weak that he can hardly stand. It’s not just scratches, but blood and gashes on his wrists and legs. The mask is not only used to mark him, it’s also used to punish, by physically abusing him when Persona has better things to do.

He makes his way to his seat, but Narumi is on the way, just enough to make a quippy comment.

(I wonder sometimes about Narumi establishing himself as untrustworthy to the children, particularly Natsume, and how exactly that’s supposed to be a help to the student body at large. I mean there’s the possibility that Mikan is special, and her being Yuka’s daughter helped Narumi remember what he became a teacher for. In that case, it might make sense that Narumi, being so jaded and bitter, might be content acting as a villain to the abused children of the academy, and especially to Natsume, but I can’t help but feel that’s not the case. I don’t want to think that Narumi was willingly complicit and even amused by Natsume’s abuse. It’s difficult to tell for sure, though, because Narumi is way more mysterious than Natsume tries to be.)

Sumire tries to kiss up, whining to Natsume about how everyone is suddenly acting so nice to the new girl, until Natsume forcefully kicks her desk to shut her up. He only holds back with Ruka, who he would never lash out at.

Narumi then announces that Mikan shall have a partner, and that her partner will be Natsume. It’s funny because although Hotaru made it clear she didn’t want the job, Iinchou was willing to volunteer, but Narumi ignores that because he always wanted Natsume to be her partner. At this news, everyone is shocked, wondering if Mikan is supposed to be special, seeing as she’s paired up with Natsume of all people.

Narumi smiles to himself despite the chaos and then lets himself leave the classroom, saying, “let’s see what happens.”

Why does he partner them up?

Mikan thinks Narumi is crazy for this, and from an outside perspective it certainly might seem that way.

Natsume’s theory, as becomes clear later during the exams, is that this was organized by the ESP and Persona, perhaps as a punishment, but definitely with ulterior motives. He is closer to nailing it, but a little off. There is no way in hell the ESP would want to partner the child of rabble-rousers with the school’s pet child soldier. That’s a recipe for disaster. Knowing that the ESP was excited to welcome Mikan because of her alice, and that her presence at the school might encourage Yuka to try and save her, he wouldn’t have wanted to disturb his own plans.

So what is the reason?

It’s all Narumi, of course. Perhaps the O.G. shipper, Narumi could tell right away that Mikan’s nullification would be useful, particularly in regards to Natsume. Pairing them up is just another means to an end, as Narumi actually wants the kids to raise some trouble.

Chapter Seven

Being partners with Natsume is quite unhelpful.

Mikan ends up a No-Star and her Special-Star partner is for the most part absent throughout her ordeals, having to cope with it all on her own.

Chapter Seven is mainly lacking Natsume. He functions to not function for most of it, that is to establish himself as being a terrible partner.

There is a moment that stands out, when Mikan is writing a letter to her grandpa, where Natsume appears. Yes, he appears in her head to taunt her about her regret coming to the school, and she spites him by committing to optimism and determination in the future. But he also has a short appearance paralleling a panel of Mikan: they are both in their beds, awake.

WHAT WAS THE REASON?????!??!?!?

This parallel is interesting, their panels right next to each other. She is thinking about her grandpa, and we have no way of knowing what Natsume is thinking about, but there has to be a reason for him to appear despite having been mostly absent so far in the chapter.

To me, it’s another narrative tool to pair them together. They have been so far, in more ways than one, and will continue to be as they fall in love, and this is just another example of how they’d been fated from the start. Even when they hate each other, and even when they aren’t thinking of each other, they’re still tied. Looking at those panels, and seeing Natsume despite his relative irrelevance to the plot, seems to be a message that there’s more to come between them. I don’t know if any of what I’m saying makes sense, or if it seems silly, but there’s very little analysis I can do without just talking about potential.

Later, with Mikan in a new mood, ready to make the most of her situation, the kids are talking about her resilience with both her no-star status and having Natsume as a partner.

Ruka does the talking for Natsume, warning Mikan that she’s being watched and remarking that nobody should have been assigned a no-star for simply disturbing class.

Once again, Mikan and Natsume are paired: they are both treated unfairly, with Mikan given a no-star status she doesn’t deserve, and Natsume given a special-star status despite the fact that he doesn’t even go to class most of the time. They’re the exceptions to the rule, and the reader is made to wonder what exactly it is that they have in common that would result in this treatment.

Ruka tells Mikan not to trust any teachers at the academy, not even Naru, and this is almost like hearing from Natsume himself. Unlike Mikan, who will happily make strong bonds with teachers like Narumi and Nodacchi, Natsume has absolutely no positive adult figures in his life. His father is far away, his mother is dead, and every teacher is someone he holds either directly or indirectly responsible for his suffering. The adults at the school have failed him and he has nobody to trust. Something Natsume needs is a positive role model, somebody he can look up to and have faith in, because as it stands he’s a traumatized boy who absorbs negativity and takes it out in bad ways. A trustworthy adult would very much help Natsume grow and learn better coping skills, and in the meantime it makes perfect sense that he would act out and even be a bully at times.

Chapter Eight

Natsume has a habit of ignoring any and all episodes where Mikan has confrontations with her teachers. He is either dozing off or listening to music with Ruka, and doesn’t seem particularly interested in even watching.

That being said, we see a new side to Natsume in this chapter, a new emotion in a way we haven’t before: fear.

Natsume ditches class with regularity. He does not care about being present. For most classes, he would simply walk out and go screw around somewhere else, but with the dangerous ability class, he doesn’t have that choice.

The other teachers may be complicit, but they won’t do the abuse themselves. Persona is not above that, as we have already noticed despite never even seeing him so far.

If Natsume does not want to attend the dangerous ability class, then he has to run for it, and in this chapter he does, like his life depends on it, because his safety sure does. He’s only ten years old and forced to do horrible missions for the school. This is one of the scenes that reminds me that he is just a child. He knows he could get punished for running, but he does it anyway. Maybe, if he runs fast enough, they won’t catch him. Maybe, if he doesn’t get caught, he doesn’t have to go on a mission. Maybe, just this once, they won’t mind if he doesn’t show. It’s such a childish and desperate thing to do, to avoid pain at the cost of more pain to come.

Natsume is scary when he's scared...

It’s funny that as he is running from pain, he runs into Mikan, who will later alleviate his pain. For now, he just shuts her up so that Persona can pass the area while looking for him. We see Persona for the first time, what Natsume is scared of more than anything, and although his fear seems obvious, Mikan is preoccupied by annoyance for being shut up like that.

They bicker--or she bickers at him, mostly--until the middle schoolers encounter them and start bullying them.

Natsume is ready to ignore them and walk away, until Sumire’s brother calls him a murderer, reminding us of the rumor Hotaru and Iinchou discussed. Natsume stops, and Sumire’s brother whines that he’s just a special star because he’s “Persona’s favorite”.

Sumire and her brother have, like, nothing in common other than curly hair, huh.

Being Persona’s favorite is no privilege, as we know now from the run-in we just had with him and Natsume’s fear. This sets Natsume off and he starts some fires. When they threaten to call Persona, who Natsume was just running from, he responds that they can call him all they want, but he’ll burn them before he can get there to capture him. We see once again, through Natsume standing up for himself, that his berserk button lacks reason (as he is willing to sacrifice punishment by Persona again).

In a last-ditch attempt to threaten him, the middle schoolers threaten Mikan, who they perceive to be Natsume’s new girlfriend. (Calling her his girlfriend is interesting because it is even more proof that they are being narratively paired together! It shouldn’t be a surprise at all that they eventually get together, when almost everybody around them pairs them up like this, even when they can’t stand each other.) They do not expect that Natsume actually hates her, and genuinely doesn’t care if she gets bullied or not. He smiles in twisted amusement at this turn of events and walks away for good this time, leaving Mikan to be bullied.

Aw, he's smiling! How sweet.... oh wait that's a skull.

Now, Natsume is a good person deep inside, somebody who is selfless and kind in secret ways. There is no secret kindness about this scene. He is not a nice person, for sure, and this scene is proof of it.

Natsume is used to sacrificing himself for the comfort and well-being of his loved ones, so there might be relief in not caring about the comfort or well-being of somebody, and being able to choose his own well-being before that of somebody else for once. It makes sense that he would be so amused, because this time nobody has anything to hold over his head.

Conclusion

We have seen some more of the abuse Natsume faces on a daily basis. He and Mikan have been partnered up and they are presented narratively as foils and as pairs even outside of that dynamic.

For the next part, we'll see even more examples of them being paired together, as well as how Natsume is isolated from his classmates.

<- Previous Next ->

[hufflautia]

Different Love Languages

✨COMMENTS+REBLOGS ARE GREATLY APPRECIATED✨  They motivate me and make me supes happy, so please pretty please reblog and/or comment!! It doesnt even have to be a coherent comment, keysmash if you must! ok fanks go read now and enjoy <3

Summary: Hufflepuff is the type of person to express her love verbally but Slytherin is different; he hardly says “I love you” and Hufflepuff worries that maybe it’s because he doesn’t love her as much as she loves him. Our darling puff will realize that this is simply not the case. People just have different love languages. 

Hufflepuff loved Slytherin. She really did. In fact, she reminded him frequently. 

“I love you,” she chortled during breakfast when Slytherin had cast a spell to make the bacon strips float around in a dancing manner so that she would cheer up after reading depressing news from the Daily Prophet. Another time, she cooed the term of endearment as he held her tightly in his arms, swaying to the sound of music in the background. 

The thing was that Slytherin rarely said “I love you” in the entirety of their relationship. Instead of saying it back to her, he often replied by cupping her cheeks tenderly and leaning in for another kiss. Other times, he responded with a loving smile, his eyes glowing with warmth and infatuation.

It’s not that Hufflepuff thought Slytherin didn’t love her. She could definitely see it in the way that he looked at her, in those stolen glances when he thought she wasn’t looking. She could feel it when he held her close at night, his arms wrapped protectively around her. 

However, a part of her- the small shadow of doubt within her heart that told her that Slytherin didn’t care for her as much as she did for him- just wished for some kind of affirmation, a clear signal that said, “I love you.” 

One day, Hufflepuff and Slytherin sat side by side in Potions class, listening to Professor Slughorn drone on and on about Felix Felicis. She was absentmindedly staring at the board when Slytherin slid his notes in front of her so that she could see the doodle he drew on the side of his paper. 

*Credit: Beastflaps*  

Hufflepuff bit her lip to suppress a laugh and squeezed his hand 3 times.  

Unfamiliar with the motion, Slytherin asked what the squeezes meant.

“It means I love you,” she whispered. Her voice was soft so that Professor Slughorn didn’t overhear their conversation.  

Nevertheless, Slytherin heard every word. A smile tugged at his lips and he immediately squeezed it back. He didn’t just stop there; he repeated the gesture about 6 times- and Potions class hadn’t even ended yet. 

From that day forward, Slytherin constantly told her I love you. Sometimes he squeezed her hand randomly- before he left for Quidditch practice, during breakfast when she passed him a plate of toast, and after he walked her back to the dormitory. 

Aside from that, he would occasionally tap out the gesture with his finger. 

Tap tap tap. 

Hufflepuff looked up from her book and made eye contact with Slytherin from across the room. She knew what it meant. She always did. 

Slytherin said I love you all the time now, more often than Hufflepuff’s verbal “I love you”. 

She realized that he had a different love language from her, and that was ok. It was the love itself that mattered. 

On their wedding day, as the officiant performed the ceremony, Hufflepuff looked up at Slytherin with adoration. “I love you,” she whispered. 

He smiled warmly at her and squeezed her hand four times. 

I love you too. 

~

Based on a true story! If you can’t see the link that I attached, here it is: 

https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/comments/ahb1c1/sometimes_i_forget_my_husband_has_a_different/ 

MASTERLIST ~(˘▾˘~) (click my profile to see the pinned post, aka my masterlist, if you cant see the link) 

Author’s note: YAYAY HI!!! DID YOU LIKE THAT?? 

probably yall @ me rn lmaoaoao

You might be wondering why i wrote this one-shot. There was no special occasion this time, I just got a bonk of inspiration one day. also i felt bad for reblogging my ice skating oneshot so much (i did it to respond to other peoples reblogs) and i sent an ask to my favorite fanfic writer, asking her about what happens if i reblog my own work and if it pushes my fanfic up the algorithm, and she answered my question but also said that she usually deletes her reblogs bc her followers would probably get annoyed if they kept seeing the same work over and over again. i felt bad bc i had just done that, and i didnt want yall to constantly see the same fanfic all the time, so i wanted to give u something new. also i was thinking back on that person who said that my writing was sporadic (they werent trying to be mean). Sporadic basically means spaced out and occuring at different intervals. i felt bad bc my writing is definitely spread out by one month for some reason. im not sure what this means for next month bc i never write 2 fanfics in one month. does this mean that i wont write a fanfic for november? hopefully not. ok that sounds sad, im sure it doesnt but who knows bc the college process thingies is killing me 

I wrote out the general details of the story at 1 am one night when i was trying to sleep lmaoao heres a screenshot: 

This is basically how I write for most of my fanfics at first, it consists of the general info along with some specific details.

At first, the one-shot was gonna be a drabble (aka a story that’s only 100 words long) but when I finished writing it, I went to wordcounter to check the number of words and it was 500! i was like oop ok im just gonna call it a oneshot then. i wrote part of the story on sunday morning and then i went to exercise in the park with my sister. afterwards, i wanted to keep working on it but then i became swamped with college stuff so i stopped. i started writing again today (its monday, but im posting it on tuesday, aka today for you- or maybe not if ur not reading this on the day that i posted it) and i surprisingly finished- but that was probably a bad idea to be writing the oneshot during this week because i have a lot of exams, but lets look at the bright side, i finished the story!

I didn’t think of the idea completely on my own. I actually read the reddit story (found it in a thread on insta) a few years ago, and I don’t know why but I was thinking about it that night and I decided to make a one-shot out of it! Isn’t it such a sweet story (the actual story, not this)?? It would be kinda nice if I reached out to the person and said, hey i wrote a story based on you and ur husband! 

Anyways, I just made a meme: 

i didnt actually get up, i just opened the notes app on my phone in the dark and wrote the details down. 

this isn’t related but i made a meme about the ice skating oneshot:

I’m gonna cut the authors note short (i usually write a lot. its funny when u go back and see my authors note in chapter 1 of the slytherpuff series, bc its so so short. wowza, times have rlly changed!) bc i think i have at least 2 exams tomorrow. this is gonna be me when i post this one-shot in the morning: 

bc i have to wake up early and i am most definitely not a morning person:/ OH GOD OK I HAVE TO STUDY NOW- 

Love you all, thank you for reading! TOODELOOOOOOO

Let me know if you want to be added or removed from the tag list!

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[vendettaparker]

Where’s My Love: Chapter 2- A Second Chance [T.H]

Summary: Tom learns what it feels like to watch a flower die; though I suppose a heart that is broken is a heart that was loved. Harrison reminds everyone about the finality of death. 

Word Count: 4.7k of pure pain 

Warnings: Angst (like the most i’ve ever written; which is saying something), mentions of sex, mentions of alcoholism, depression, cursing, character death, unhealthy grieving, grief in general, very very small mention of/hint to suicide (it’s extremely brief and you might even miss it, but it’s there)

a/n: i lowkey am kinda sorry about how sad this is. i’m just now realizing how sad this series is going to be as a whole (today i came up with a new plot idea and it made me cry just thinking about it so...), anyways, technically you could argue that this has a happy ending, so theres that to look forward to :) also you’re my best friend if you catch the WandaVision reference! reblogs, likes, and feedback is extremely appreciated! this series hasn’t been doing great in the notes department :( i’m still gonna write it obvi, but anything helps with the motivation, thanks <3 ps. thanatos is the god of death

Series Masterlist| Main Masterlist

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

     “Tom,” You smiled up at your husband, eyes shining in the moonlight and heart swelling with love. “We should go home soon. There’s still more to be done tonight.” 

     Tom smirked and tilted your face up, capturing your soft lips in a heated kiss, tongue slipping in and clashing with yours. He pulled away after a while of savoring your taste, lips pink and swollen, “You’re right, darling. There’s still so much to do tonight.” Tom lips travelled further down to your jawline, where he kissed, nipped, and sucked, leaving a dark pink love bite. 

     You whimpered and tugged at his unruly curls, bringing his lips closer to your sweet spot. Tom chuckled and littered kisses and marks all up and down your collar bones. You brought his face up to yours and kissed him, practically shoving your mouth onto his in a clash of teeth and tongue. 

     Tom pulled away and groaned, “You’re gonna be the death of me, love.” His eyes darkened with arousal and you smirked, knowingly. 

     Your breathing slowed and you giggled, pushing him away gently, “Then we better get to it, lover.” 

     Tom stood up from where you were both lying, holding a hand out to help you up as well. You placed your hand in his and basked in the warmth of his touch. Something so simple as holding hands was enough to make you feel electric. Bursts of tingles and butterflies filled your body. You felt like you were on fire, burning up with the desire to feel him, touch him, and just love him.

     All the while, an evil in the form of Aristaeus watched from the shadows, his disdain growing for Tom by the minute. He watched as Tom held you close, as he seized every opportunity to kiss you. His hatred for the son of Apollo only deepened when he saw how your eyes shone and how your smiled grew in his presence. How perfect you looked and how all the intimacy and love you possessed was now only for Tom. You were only for Tom, and Aristaeus just couldn’t have that. 

     Watching Tom’s smile and listening to his care-free laugh, he knew that he needed to feel that. He needed the source of that type of happiness. 

     Aristaeus waited in the shadows for his moment to take what he wanted. Dagger clutched in his hand and blade sharpened, ready for use. The moment he saw you and Tom stand up and begin the journey back to your villa, he knew the time was now.  

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

     With your hand clasped tightly in Tom’s, you began the trek back to the villa you’d purchased for the two of you. You swung your hands up with Tom’s as you both happily made your journey in comfortable silence. 

     You reveled in the way his hand felt in yours. Warm, encasing your entire being in warmth. It was so simple, just his hand clutching yours, holding your hand and your heart. There are only so many ways to describe love, and his hand in yours said more than any empty words could. 

    Your peacefulness was interrupted when you heard a shuffling in the wooded area you were walking through. The bush you were passing shook and soon Aristaeus launched out of it, dagger in hand, aimed at Tom. You screamed and Tom pushed you away to keep you away from the evading blow. 

     Tom dodged the attack, swiftly throwing a punch to the offender's jaw, momentarily stunning him. Tom grabbed your hand, and began running through the woods. You could hear the shouts and curses of Aristaeus behind you, quickly gaining speed on the gravelly road. 

     In an attempted detour, you ran through the thicket, hoping the thick mixture of branches and thorns would diverge the route of the crazed man chasing you. The thrones pricked at your skin and scratched up your face. Tom was no better, hand slowly loosening up on yours due to the pain of the thrones scrapping up his arms. 

     “Tom!” You yelped, tripping on a small log. The momentum of the fall ripping your hand from his, leaving his cold. Tom, stressed and frantic, kept running, unaware of the fact that you were no longer behind him. 

     “Come on (Y/N)! We’re almost home!” Tom yelled back, seeing the light of a clearing just up ahead. Tom jumped through the last few branches, breathing heavily once he reached the other side of the woods. He ended up in a meadow, close to your home. Tom turned around to hug you and make sure you were alright, but you were nowhere to be found. 

     “Love, we made it! Look, our villa’s right over ther—” Tom cut himself off, realizing he was now alone. 

     Tom began walking back into the woods, a sharp shot of anxiety ran up his spine. Why wouldn’t she follow me? He thought, is she hurt? Tom continued, his thought quickly being interrupted by a pained scream. 

     “(Y/N)? (Y/N)!?” Tom ran where he heard the scream and then the whimpers. His heart dropping to his stomach, bile rising. He finally found you, laid out in a pile of daisies, leg purple and bruised, small drops of blood coming from two puncture wounds in your leg. 

     It didn't take a genius to figure out what had happened, and the snake slithering away from your limp body told Tom all he needed to know.  

Aristaeus had fled upon seeing you. He too knew, and he even saw with his own eyes, what had happened. The viper dug in deep and long, the poison immediately taking effect on you. 

     “(Y/N)? Fuck, darling?” Tom crouched down to your still body. He didn’t want to believe what he was seeing, he didn’t want to believe the pained look in your eyes, or the tears welled up in his. “It’s okay, love. You’re alright. Can you move? Can you get up? Please?”

     Tom did his best to help you up, but you were limp, no movement in your entire body, only your eyes showed the fear you were feeling. 

     “Tom,” you mumbled, tears streaming down your cheeks, “I-I can’t feel anything.” You cried softly, your face almost stoic from the poison coursing through your veins. 

     “No, no, darling. You can feel me, right?” Tom grabbed your limp hand and squeezed, expecting a squeeze in return. Yet nothing came, your hand remained cold and limp in his.

     You choked out a sob, “I can’t feel you.” Tears streamed down the side of your face, soaking the ground beneath your head, leaving small weeds in their wake. 

     Tom let out a painful whimper at your words. “Darling, it’s okay, we’re okay. Yeah? We’re gonna go home, and then you can lay down and get better, okay? I’ll bring you tea and flowers and Paddy will come over and play chess with you. Doesn’t that sound nice?” Tom’s tears soaked into your now cold skin, momentarily warming it. 

     “Yeah…” you mumbled softly, tears slowing and breath hitching. 

     “Yeah, and t-then Sam can come over and bring your favorite meal, o-or maybe a cake? And Harrison can work on your garden, so it won’t be limp when you get better. And I'll serenade you every night, even after you’re well, because I love you. And we’re gonna make it through this, just hold on.”

     His words faded in and out, beginning to sound muffled and underwater. Your head tilted to the side, clearly seeing the immeasurable pain etched onto his features. Tom caught your gaze and still, still tried to manage a small, hopeful smile. Deep down Tom knew this was pointless, he knew you wouldn’t ever make it home to see the villa, or the gift he left in the garden. The golden potted plant—an orchid—was now going to be a constant reminder to what he lost. But he could fake it, and fuck, he was going to fake it like it was real. 

     He would trick himself for the rest of his life until he truly believed you were okay. But he wouldn’t have to wait that long, because sitting there, holding your near lifeless body in his arms, he was ready to believe anything that even remotely implied you were okay. 

     Just past Tom you could see a figure watching you from the shadows. His suit was black and his white hair was gelled back. He stepped out of the shadows and tapped his foot impatiently, as if waiting for your time to be up. And then it hit you. You knew this man—or rather this god. 

     “Thanatos…” you whispered, eye’s finally glazing over with lifelessness. The now once bright and vibrant eyes, now dull and empty. A mere shell of what they once were. 

     “No, no, no!” Tom screamed, his painful wails being heard by the whole town. “No! (Y/N), come back! Please, please, please, please, please…” 

     You were now standing away, a lonely spectator to the happenings in the woods on this mortal realm. 

     “Come, child.” Thanatos held his hand out, ready to lead you away. 

     “But I never got to say goodbye.” Your eyes welled up with tears, seeing Tom frantically shake your body, trying to bring you back to life. “I never got to live my life with him.” 

     Thanatos gave your shoulder a comforting squeeze, “We must go now. Don’t worry, little one. You will see him again.” 

∘₊✧──────✧₊

      Tom didn’t move. He didn’t eat, he didn’t sleep. He wished he didn’t even breathe. He sat in the villa and stared at the now dying orchid, limp and sickly, in the golden pot. You never even got to see it, he thought, you would’ve loved it. 

     All of Tom’s thought’s surrounded you, and how he could no longer hold you. He felt so cold, he found no joy in things he used to. And all he wanted to do was cry. But he couldn’t. He’d cried himself dry over the past three days. Now all he felt was pain, and he couldn’t even ease it with tears. 

     “Tom,” Harrison snapped him out of his daze, pulling his gaze away from the dying orchid. “It’s time.” 

     Tom let out a breath, pained and labored. Today was the day. The day your body would be laid to rest. The day that you would truly be lost to him. 

     “Come on, everyone’s waiting for you.” 

     Tom groggily pulled himself from the bed. He dressed slowly and carefully, wanting to look his best for the last time he’d see you. Every intake of breath hurt his head, another painful reminder that he was here and you weren’t. He was alive, and you were gone. 

     The clearing that he once found solace in was cold. The flowers around him were limp and dying, and the world just looked gray. The color was gone from his eyes and all he could think was, it should’ve been me.

     Paddy hadn’t spoken a word since he heard of your death. He hardly even looked at Tom, every time he did the young boy would tear up and look away, too embarrassed of his tears to let them be seen. But in the dark, in the comfort of his bed, he cried for you. His first encounter with death, and it had to be you. His heart hurt more than his young mind could comprehend; he could hardly imagine what Tom was feeling. 

     Harry and Sam were numb. They hardly knew how to feel. They loved you like a sister but only knew you for a few months. Was it appropriate to mourn the loss of someone you only knew for a moment? Was it ignorant to fein a stoic exterior when your sister was gone? In the comfort of each other, the boys mourned. They cried a bit, but mostly tried their best to remember the good times. Harry remembered how you always backed him up in an argument, even against Tom, and how you always expressed how blessed you felt getting to know their family. Sam remembered how you always volunteered to be his test subject for his dishes. How you were always sweet, but honest. You fit so well into their lives, it was almost impossible to imagine you wouldn’t be in them anymore. 

     Harrison couldn’t believe it, or rather he didn’t want to. He held Tom close, and tried to convince him that everything was okay. He was the rock the group leaned on in any way they could. 

     He was a rock, and he was cracking. He found himself alone in clearing multiple times, watering the flowers, doing his best to keep them afloat, and yet they still withered away. He tried to feel you there, so he could tell Tom that maybe you weren’t truly gone, but all he felt was the absence of your presence. 

     Tom looked at the patch of dirt you laid under. He looked at it and all he felt was anger. Anger at Aristaeus for leading you to your death, anger at the viper that sealed your fate, anger at the gods for letting you be taken, and anger at himself for living through it. 

     The ceremony was short; just him and his brothers, gathered around a patch of dirt, crying. 

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

     Everyone was forced to cope. They all had their tricks to make the pain ease. Paddy would play chess by himself, wishing you were there for him to beat, but mostly remembering how many times you praised his amazing chess skills and made him feel special. Harry and Sam took on the duty of attempting to fix your garden in the clearing. They took shifts watering the plants and picking out the weeds.

     Harrison smiled whenever he saw wild daisies. They always reminded him of you, partially for your pure innocence, but also because when you first met him, you gave him a flower crown made out of daisies. The crown was now limp and wilted, but he would treasure it until the day it withered away. 

     Tom suffered the most, though. He lost not only his soulmate, but his best friend. His coping consisted of copious amounts of alcohol to help him sleep, then he would see you in his dreams, and he’d have to drink more to stop from feeling the constant pit in his stomach growing with each baited breath. 

     “Tom, this isn’t healthy.” Harrison chided each time he walked into the murky depths of his bedroom; which was at least twice a day to check on the poor boy. 

     Harrison sat on Tom's bed as Tom laid on his stomach, facing away from him. Tom would grumble, then sniffle and completely ignore the presence of someone new in his room. The bed would be musty, his hair would be in knots, and his eyes would have a constant red rimmed appearance accentuated by the dark circles that resided underneath. 

     “Tom come on, let’s go for a walk. Sam and Harry fixed up the garden a bit; I think you’d like it.” Harrison shook Tom’s shoulder gently, prompting him to face the blonde. 

     “It won’t be the same.” Tom mumble, voice hoarse and wobbly.

     “I know, but they worked hard on it. They’re grieving too, y’know?” 

     “Of course I fucking know.” Tom snapped, swatting Harrison’s hand away, “You think I don’t know how much of an impact she had on all of us? You think I don’t hear Paddy crying at night when he thinks he’s alone, or the way he refuses to look at me?” 

     “Tom—”

     “You think I don’t know that this is my fault?” Tom sobbed, burning holes with his harsh gaze into Harrison. “I know, Haz. I know all too well how we’re all grieving.”

     Tom broke down, heaving and rambling about how it was his fault, about how helpless you looked, and how broken he was. All Harrison could do was listen. 

     “She died in my arms, Haz. S-she curled up and just… died.” Tom spoke barely above a whisper, his crying ruining his voice. “She looked so scared and I couldn't help her. I couldn’t save her.” 

     “I know.” Harrison was crying now too, tears falling from his diamond eyes. 

     “It was supposed to be me. The attacker was after me. I-I should’ve taken the hit, and then she’d be alive.” 

     “No, Tom. You don’t know that that would’ve saved her from this fate.” Harrison scolded Tom’s reckless words. “She could’ve died a day later, or minutes later. Life is not a guarantee. Tom.” 

     “At least we would’ve been together.” 

     Harrison frowned, “In the underworld? And what type of existence would that have been?” 

     Some turned away from Harrison, “One where we would at least have each other.” 

     Harrison softened his gaze and held Tom close before he could protest, “You still have us. I know it’s not what we want right now, but it’s what you need. You can’t go through this alone; I won’t let you.”

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

     As the weeks went by, Tom’s grief continued to eat away at him. Try all he might, he could never escape you. You were in all of his favorite things. His lyre now laid dusty and cold next to his bed, it hadn’t been touched since your wedding night. 

     He held it together as long as he could, but it was too much. The pain ripped away at him and ate him up. One day he reached his breaking point. He needed you to come home. He needed you in his arms. Nothing in this mortal world could ever compare to your sweet kisses and loving praises. Nothing would ever satiate him again. 

     How could this have happened? How could the gods have cursed him this way. He was a good man, he did all that was expected of him. He went above and beyond for his community, for others. He helped find and procure the fleece that placed Jason rightfully on the throne of Iolcus in Thessaly. His music cured lost souls, helped them find solitude and comfort in his songs. He did everything right. And yet the gods mock and torture him by taking you away. Ripping his other half from him, stealing you. The only comfort in his otherwise lonesome life. There’s no need for old age, sickness, or murder to take him away now; his grief will surely get the job done. 

     “Tom,” Harrison, spoke softly, taking in the man who’s broken soul was starting to shine through to his exterior appearance. His hair matted, eyes red and puffy, knuckles bruised from letting his anger out on the pillars over his home. What was supposed to be your home. Now the clay brick home was cold, your presence no longer there to bring natural warmth. “Tom, come on. You have to keep going.” Harrison put a hand on his friend's shoulder, giving it a hearty squeeze. “She wouldn’t want this for you. She loved you.”

     “Then why was she taken from me?” Tom burst, hands flying to his hair, gripping his unruly curls. “Why would the gods allow this pain? I’ve done it all. I was so good, I-I did all that they asked of me.” 

     “Tom, please just come—” 

     “No! Harrison, don’t you see? I can’t move on! I can’t think about anything other than what was lost, what I lost. There must be a way to get her back. I’d do anything, just to hold her one more time. To love her, like it’s all I was put here on this Earth to do.” Tom pushed Harrison’s hand away. “Help me. Please, find a way.” 

     Harrison sighed sadly, rubbing his face with his hands. Tom, the most deserving person of his happy ending had it ripped from him, and there was nothing that could be done. Almost as if it was fate, there were no loopholes. Expect maybe—no. It was too risky. The god of the underworld was not a merciful man. 

     “Harrison? You have something?” Tom looked at his friend, a glint of barely visible hope in his eyes, the type that only the thought of you could bring. The look on Harrison’s face clearly showed that the gears in his head were turning. This look always brought about Harrison’s best ideas, or in this case, his only one. 

     “I— well, it’s not plausible.” Harrison debated. “You’d need your father’s help, and even so,” he whispered the last part “you’d need to go to the Underworld and bargain with Hades.”

     Tom looked at his friend in shock? How could this be the only plan he’s come up with? A plan that would surely get Tom killed, or worse, turned into a lost soul. “What? No, no— there has to be another way. There are other gods—more merciful— who would help us.”

     Harrison shook his head, “I’m sorry, Tom. But death? That’s final. The only god with the power to bring (Y/N) back is Hades. And he always has a price.” 

     Tom debated his options, one being the clear winner. He knew he couldn’t go on without you, he wasn’t strong enough. If he were less selfish then maybe he’d find a way to find joy again. But he needed you more than he needed the air in his lungs. He didn’t care if he was being selfish, trying to bring you back to a world that had just gotten used to life without you. He spent his whole life being selfless, helping others. It was time to get what he was due, what he was owed: His happy ending. 

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

     Tom paced and pondered, his restless mind a futile assistance in this matter. His thoughts only focused on you and how to bring you home. In the beginning, he took into account all of the risks he’d be taking going to the underworld and bringing you back. He’d need to enlist the help of his father, to persuade Hades to listen to his pleas. He’d need to safely get in and out of the Underworld with you entow, and the hardest part of all; he’d need Hades permission for you to come home. 

     It was not that Hades was cruel or unjust; he was just simply too fair. Death is final and Hades followed that order to a tee. He scarcely made exceptions and when he did there was always a price that needed to be paid. Usually, that price was worth the life of the soul being returned, a hefty sum. 

     Tom hardly worked out the intricacies of his plan before Harrison caught him, bag packed and determination scrawled across his face. 

     “Tom, what the hell do you think you’re doing?” Harrison chided, standing in between Tom and the doorway. 

     “I’m getting her back, Haz. I need her home. You guys may be able to move on and be okay, but I can’t. She meant more to me than any of you will ever know.” 

     “You’re gonna get yourself killed, Tom.” Harrison spoke in a hushed whisper as to not alert the others to what was going on, “What happens then, huh? How do you think we will feel then? We already lost (Y/N), Tom; we can’t afford to lose you too.”

     Tom’s eyes glistened with frustration and unshed tears, “but I’m not complete without her…” he whispered, sniffling. “I have to do what I can.” 

     “No, Tom. I’ve let this go on long enough.” Harrison spoke sternly, “You have to move on. I’m sorry because I know it’s not fair. I know that this shouldn’t have happened. It broke all of us. But you need to come back to us, okay? You need to move on with your life. Paddy is thirteen, Tom. He has no father-figure, he needs you. Harry and Sam have been by your side since they were babies, they need you. And you're my best friend, I need you. You don’t get to walk out on us because of your pain, because we never walked out on you. We were hurting, yet we stayed by your side. You need to do the same for us.” Harrison gave Tom a tightlipped smile, “Please, Tom. Just try.”

     Tom had never seen such anguish in Harrison's eyes. He knew him and his brothers had also been struggling and he knew he was being selfish. He needed to do better. 

     “Okay,” Tom choked out, tears streaming down his cheeks, “I’ll try.” Tom placed his bag down on the floor and sat on the bed. He placed his face in his hands and sniffled out sobs. It was time for him to let you go. 

     Harrison left Tom alone in his dark room, shaking with anger. Once again the anger had returned, tenfold. Tom just wished he’d held your hand tighter, maybe then he’d be in your arms right now. Instead he was alone in his room, mind clouded with guilt and exhaustion. 

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

     “Tom.” Your voice whispered in his ear, taunting him. Reminding him of what he lost. What he couldn’t save. The only one he couldn't save. The only one he needed to save. 

     “I’m right here, Tommy.” You never ceased. You constantly called to him as he tried his best to put his tortuous thoughts to rest. You stood over him, eyes wide in fear. You watched him, and you whispered. 

     “Tommy, why couldn’t you save me?” 

     You broke his heart all over again every night. 

     He sat up in his bed, body wet with sweat and eyes clouded with tears. 

     “(Y/N). Please, darling,” he begged, “I tried, please, I’m still trying.” You walked over and stood right above him, face inches apart. It was almost as if he could smell the sweet scent of flowers on you. The orchids and daisies you loved so much wafting over him, calming him. Until your cold, dead grip latched onto his shoulder. 

     “You failed, my love.” 

     Tom woke with a start, screaming and crying into the empty abyss of his room. You were nowhere to be found. He couldn’t take it anymore. He needed you back. You needed to come home and never leave his side ever again. If he had to spend one more day without you, he’d lose it. He’d become the monster he felt like on the inside. All the dark, twisty despair holed up in his heart would rush out in acts of unchecked rage and violence. He was never the villain, but he would be. 

     He couldn’t follow through with his promise to Harrison. He couldn't just move on and pretend that life made any sense without you, because it didn’t. Nothing made sense, and everything hurt. 

     Zeus created humans to have another half, and they would spend the rest of their lives if they had to, searching for it. You were Tom’s, and you were ripped away from him. That just won’t do. 

     He couldn’t spend another night lying awake, thoughts ripping apart his mind. He couldn’t sleep either, or else he’d see you. See what you’ve become. A ghost of happier times. A reminder of what never was and never will be. A figment of his ill fated mind. 

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

     The next morning, Paddy went into Tom’s room to bring him breakfast, as usual. It’s been months since he’s eaten with his brothers, and the new normal was one of them toughing it out and giving him his food in his room, then listening to his cries form outside the door for a moment, just to gauge if he was getting better; he never was. 

     Paddy was about to knock but paused before, gently pressing his ear up against the door. He didn’t hear crying like he usually did, he didn’t even hear sniffles.

     Paddy hesitantly opened the door, afraid of what he might find. The silence was all too scary for the young boy. Once the door was fully opened Paddy got a good look around, not seeing Tom anywhere. 

     Paddy dropped the bowl of food on the floor and ran for Harrison. 

     “Harrison! Harrison! Sam! Harry! Anyone!” Paddy yelled out, running around the garden looking for the boys. He slammed into Harrison, who was just on his way to the garden. 

     The force knocked the wind out of a crying Paddy and slammed him into the ground. 

     “Woah,” Harrison breathed out, bending down to help Paddy up. Paddy gasped to catch his breath and attempted to stop the tears. 

     “What happened, kid?” Harrison rubbed his bruised back, “Come on, Paddy, breathe.” 

     “G-Gone…” Paddy wheezed out, “Tom’s gone.”

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

tags and moots: @justapurrcat @itsapeterthing @peterbenjiparker @kelieah @portraitoforion @ptersmj @princessofguineapigs @cherrytholland @waitimcomingtoo @rosyparkers @iovebug @hollandcrush @celestialbarnes @blissfulparker @starktonyx @asonofpeter @keithseabrook27 @devildisguiseasangel @felicityparkers​ @selfcarecap​

[frecklef0x]

Mass Effect 1: Playthrough Masterpost

At last, I have finished Mass Effect 1!

I have heard some mutuals say they wish they could play it again for the first time, and you kind of can--through me! I’ve been posting little “episodes” of live-tweet-stream-of-consciousness as I play, and now I’ve compiled them into one post to make my life easier.

Anyway, here’s the first one, the rest are under the cut. :)

frecklef0x plays mass effect: (ME1) episode one

My ass looks great in this uniform, first of all

Impaled robo zombies, yikes

Cheap shot, Saren, smh. How will I pass my spectre test now?!

Why does he have robot eyes? Is he like, Geth-Turian? Why? Is he a robo zombie also? Was it the beacon???

Cool beacon nightmares, I'm sure this is fine

This Kaiden guy has implants? ORTEGA?!??!?

"Call me princess again and you'll be picking your teeth up off the floor" lol obliterated

The citadel elevators are very realistic, five minutes of tense silence huh

Ya girl got a PROMOTION and a DOPE SQUAD time to catch a TRAITOR

frecklef0x plays mass effect: (ME1) episode two

First things first, gotta go find the blue scientist to join the gang

This galaxy is HUGE! How many of these places will I actually be able to go?!

Only two friends at a time????? D:

Ah, a distress signal, let's see wha--A DESERT CENTIPEDE NOPE ABORT ABORT

Robo aliens? In MY Theronian mining facility? Its more likely than you think

Running over dudes in my Mako is extremely satisfying tbh

*runs over geth troopers* *runs over geth armature* *runs over geth colossus* ... *backs over geth colossus*

Working elevators in the ancient ruins ✔

Oooooooh man hope this nerd is gay

Wrex, a friend of yours? Nope, not a friend, too murdery

"ShAaaAame about the ruins Shep, sOooOo much collatoral damage, SHEP" stfu Council, "ruthless" was in the resume when you promoted us, 10/10 would shoot lasers through archeological digs again

When Kaiden calls us "ma'am" I am, uh, into it

frecklef0x plays mass effect: (ME1) episode three

Time to talk to the gang! Gotta meet the fam proper

Oh dear seems we got a shmee of racism on board, compatriots

Wow Raina, good foot-in-mouth moment with Wrex there huh...sorry about the eventual extinction of your race, lost this round of Pain Olympics

OH SHIT OH SHIT BLUE HOTTIE BIGENDER? THIS IS NOT A DRILL???

“hi I’m Kaiden wanna hear about my last crush ;)” “hi I’m Liara wanna hear about Asari mating rituals? ;)))” damn we really slidin right into the DMs no chill

Garrus: fuck rules and red tape amiright Raina: oh u right ;)

Guess I’ll actually do a mission now LETS GO LESBIANS LETS GO

Honestly rolling out with Tali and Liara is a mood, squad goals

Raina @ every corporation on Noveria: I would sell you to satan for one(1) corn chip

This reactivation puzzle is some shit

I see some Mistakes were made

We already killing moms at this stage damn BioWare

FUCK FUCK BENEZIA KILLED ME AND I LOST A FUCKTON OF PLAYTIME

THERES LIKE NO AUTOSAVE IN THIS BITCH FUUUUUUUUU

fuck fuck fuck god damn it gotta shoot a bunch of deranged baby bug people again god DAMN IT

Okay we killed Liara’s mom in front of her hope that’s fine

And we let mama bug go free because after talking to Wrex, Raina’s like “this galaxy is a little trigger happy with the genocide, good luck out there bug mama ❤️ be cool please”

I have literally watched the scientist in the hot labs get killed three times now

So far the debreifs with the council have not gone very well

“You let bug mama go?! How many generations until they take over everything???” “My money’s on two :D Place your bets now assholes or stfu :DDD”

Asked Liara if she was okay and she seems pretty Cool With It

I hope to one day return to Noveria and Death Star it into oblivion

frecklef0x plays mass effect: (ME1) episode four

Talked with Tali and this situation with the Geth and the Quarians is giving me an existential crisis

You “inspect” my beautiful ship? You got somethin’ to say about my crew??? Talk shit get hit, bitch I will kill you

Yoooo my old earth gang, yeah what the hell, I’ll help ou—oh nope nvm he’s a xenophobe, you hang him and I’ll shoot his friend in the face, thx for your time

Went to the citadel to finish some assignments, left tasked with twice as many

“dOn’T cUt CoRneRs” fear not dear Kaiden, I have a permit: this piece of paper that says I do what I want

Still with the elevators, I really cannot with this

“You make it all sound so...dangerous...” ;) ;))))))

frecklef0x plays mass effect: (ME1) episode five

Headin’ to Virmire to rendezvous with the Salarian team

A cure for the genophase?!?!?! :D

Oh wait oh no are we for real gonna talk about destroying the cure like Wrex isn’t standing right here omg

SHIT GUYS NO NOT LIKE THIS WREX PLEASE

Phew for a conversation that basically started with guns drawn, it went pretty well... “What Saren has isn’t even a proper cure, he’s just fucking with the Krogans at this point. Are we gonna stand for that? Or are we gonna murder?” “Damn Shep, you right, we gon’ murder”

Okay Ashley, go join the aliens, try not to die

Shadow Team!🎵 tearing through the base 🎶 disabling all the     defenses 🎵 (you gotta sing it to the tune of the Trogdor song)

We free the prisoners!!! :)

We shoot the prisoners??? :(

“Raina? How can you shoot them where they stand?” So it’s more merciful to let them explode? NAH FAM

This scientist is responsible for the mind control stuff? For Benezia? Fine     I’ll let her go but I hope she explodes

We did not learn our lesson concerning beacons I see

Wait if even Saren is worried about his mind control ship does that mean there are larger forces involved here?

Oh. Oh fuck

Ugh Ashley I EXPLICITLY TOLD YOU NOT TO DIE

(so we really never found any info about that genophase cure huh? disappointing)

Oh Seren, you dumb dumb. You absolute fool. Clown man.

When Raina slings Kaiden over her shoulder to carry him to the ship—mmmmmmmmwoooow I am very bisexual

Bruh Raina takes every council call and she disconnects pissed off every time

WAIT I literally just hung up with the council, ASHLEY is DEAD, and Kaiden needs a DTR RIGHT NOW?!?!? Boy, NO, READ THE ROOM

This has been a stressful day

frecklef0x plays mass effect: (ME1) episode six

Shepard will avoid her feelings and go to Faros instead

Seeing Ashley’s figure greyed out and her locker inaccessible makes me sad

Wrex and Garrus, let’s go shoot some geth 💪 

A mind controlling planet—of course!

Shep gets all her renegade points shooting capitalists

Saved, uh, about half the colonists

If I have one more bad acid trip I stg

Oh nope here’s another one

Shep needs a nap

frecklef0x plays mass effect: (ME1) episode seven

Ah, the council. Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal.

At least Liara is good at pep talks ;)

Joker, you cockblock

Haha DUDE we airborne, you THOUGHT

Now that I am exiled from the Citadel, guess I’ll run some galactic errands:

o   Killed corporate scientists who though we would rescue them lol

o   Destroyed a bunch of geth camps helping Tali on her pilgrimage

o   Disabled a nuke and killed some pirates

o   Shut down some evil Cerberus experiments

o   And illegally traded information!

Okay time to get back on track

So we may or may not be flying to our doom

OH GOD LIARA LOVES ME!!! RAINA, YOU DISASTER, YOU DID IT AAAAAH ❤️❤️❤️

frecklef0x plays mass effect: (ME1) episode eight

You know what I love? Being murdered by geth armatures

All these Ilos ruins be looking the same

Security panel is only kinda helpful

Oh, luckily I know Prothean now!

“CANNOT BE STOPPED” wow very encouraging, thanks

After that super motivating message and disabling security, its time to go down, down to goblin town

Vigil? Oh word?

My girlfriend is GEEKING out

I knew something what wrong with that fucking Citadel

Vigil: information is power. Also Vigil: What does it matter why they do what they do? All that matters is you stop them

“non-essential” personnel die first, huh? GROSS, VIGIL (gotta be honest that hits different in 2020)

Garrus gets it, I knew we liked that guy

Okay, find conduit, save galaxy, break millennium-old genocide cyle, nbd

Ugh Mako you gotta do me dirty one last time I see, I hate this thing

THE CONDUIT STRAIGHT YEETED MAKO

The citadel robot says we’re doomed : )

This shootout is SO fun, seriously

Saren get it toGETHER

Renegade Raina can kill with a conversation apparently, well done then

Concentrate on the Sovereign—why am I gonna save a council that hates my guts, sorry, but I have a JOB to DO that you ACTIVELY HINDERED

Great, zombie husk Saren, just what I needed as I mull over the possible consequences of my galaxy-altering decision

GO JOKER GO

Humanity-only council seems…questionable. Raina didn’t love the council but this sits wrong. Couldn’t we just appoint a more diverse council, including a human?

Anderson seems like a good enough dude, so…we’ll see.

TIME FOR WAR BOYS, GODDAMN WHAT A GAME