#kanan & sabine: and WE got possessed

[jessicas-pi]

EVEN MORE TBAB AU QUOTES

Sabine, T-posing in the doorway: Greetings, Hera. Hera, not looking up from her caf: Good morning, problem child. --- Sabine: You’ve got to learn to love yourself. Ezra: But don't you hate yourself? Sabine: Yeah, but this is about you. Stay focused. --- Okadiah, looking at the Spectres: Okay, so I need to become a therapist faster. ---

Ezra: Did Hera let you get a tattoo?? Sabine: This isn't a tattoo, it's a birthmark. Kanan: I've known you since you were ten and that was never there before. Sabine: Yes it was, you've just never seen me from the left side until now. --- Leia: Why are we friends? Ezra: Poor decisions on your part. --- Okadiah: *Watching Kanan and Hera together* Okadiah: They're cute. I would put them on a boat. Sabine: You mean... you ship them? --- Ezra: In case you haven’t noticed, I’m weird. I’m a weirdo. I don’t “fit in” and I don’t WANT to fit in. Have you ever seen me without my helmet on? That’s weird. --- Ezra: Bad news—Ahsoka locked us outside of the Phantom. Ezra: Good news—we didn’t have to wait around for Hera to come pick us up. Ezra: Bad news—Okadiah finds it very concerning that I know how to hack a ship's lock, and tried to unlock my Tragic Backstory(TM). I was too embarrassed to admit that the reason I learned it was because, at thirteen, I figured that was the kind of skill that would impress cute girls. Ezra: Good news—a cute girl saw me do it. Ezra: Bad news—it was Sabine, and since she’s already seen me fall out of several trees, cry because I saw an abandoned baby Loth-kitten, walk around with a dish towel over my head, and knows I listen to the Mission: Impossible theme inside my helmet during missions, she’ll never think I’m cool no matter what I do. It’s too late. She knows. --- Hera: I don’t need to touch grass, I need the fall of capitalism. --- Kanan, singing: I don’t want a lot for Life Day, there is just one thing I need— Ezra: A family who doesn't disappear. Sabine: Mental stability. Ahsoka: Revenge. Chopper, from the comm system: A corporeal body. Kanan: Kanan: Can you chill for, like, two seconds— --- Sabine: Next time I get possessed, I’m just gonna be like, “Okay, take it from here, good luck sis.” --- Hera, holding a rock: Kanan just gave this to me and said "I feel like you deserve the moon but all I can give you is a rock". Ahsoka: If you don't marry him, I will. --- Sabine: Hera? I mixed redbull with caf and now I can see sounds, should I worry? Hera: Padawan, I swear to the Force— --- Ezra: I didn’t even realize how sarcastic I was being. It’s starting to become a problem, I think. --- Hera: You kidnapped Prince Organa? That’s illegal! Sabine: But Hera, what’s more illegal? Briefly inconveniencing Prince Organa, or giving up on this mission? Hera: Kidnapping Prince Organa, Sabine!!! Ahsoka: Hera, listen. These kids are counting on you to inspire them! Hera: What, to kidnap people?!?! Ahsoka: To work together! Hera: TO KIDNAP PEOPLE?!?!?!?! Ezra: Hera, we all agreed a politician is not a people.

[sparkplug02]

Ahsoka Episode 5 Spoilers

I had to wait two days to watch the episode but I've watched it and I've read everyone else's bit and now it's my turn :)

~

This scene in SW Rebels

makes so much more sense now. Ahsoka sensed familiarity in Vader in the Season 2 opener when Vader was chasing down the Ghost. After that, she didn't talk about it. After all, she and Kanan and Ezra had Inquisitors to deal with, so Vader was out of arm's reach.

At the temple on Lothal, she gets smacked in the face with that old realization, which she's been denying, but with the context of the Ahsoka show (episode 5 specifically) I think we know more about why now. It's not just that Vader is Anakin.

It's that, if Vader is Anakin, then Vader was teaching Ahsoka. She's confronting her own Darkness (which is a lot more evident in Ahsoka Episode 5). Anakin/Vader isn't just its own problem (my master has fallen to the Dark Side). To her, Anakin/Vader is the embodiment of Ahsoka's own Darkness (I have the potential to fall to the Dark Side).

The first flashback (I think it's the Battle of Ryloth) is parallel to what Ahsoka's been struggling with in teaching Sabine. "They were following my orders. I got them killed." This part connects with what Anakin said in the Siege of Mandalore flashback: "Ahsoka, within you will be everything that I am. All the knowledge I possess, just I inherited knowledge from my master, and he from his." "If I am everything you are..." it's all connected.

(I couldn't find the right GIF, sorry)

If Ahsoka has Anakin's knowledge, then she has knowledge that led Anakin to become Vader. If Ahsoka teaches Sabine, she will pass that knowledge, and the potential to become like Vader, to her. If Sabine does fall, then she's reacting to seeds planted by Ahsoka, and it could kill Sabine, just like Ahsoka's orders once killed clone troopers.

After that vision in Rebels, then comes Malachor. Ahsoka has a moment of denial, where she stops believing Vader is Anakin, but when she slices that mask open, she sees Anakin underneath. Yes, your master is still alive, but also, it's a Luke-in-the-cave moment. Ahsoka sees herself in Vader because the Darkness in her was planted by Vader.

She refuses to leave Vader, which we all took to mean she wouldn't leave Anakin again, but now we have the additional (not replacement) context of she refuses to fight her own Darkness. Just as Anakin told Ahsoka in the World Between Worlds, if she will not live (fight her Darkness) she will die. She nearly did.

Except who pulls her out of there?

EZRA BRIDGER

She promises to find him, and it's starting to look like that's the only thing keeping her going after Rebels ends. And we've seen in her behavior how hollow Ahsoka becomes. Part of that is her growing up, sure, but I think part of it is Ahsoka trying to reject any and all of the training that Vader gave her, including the bits that were good. If there are bad apples, toss out the whole basket because it's all spoiled now.

No wonder she's so startled when she gets brought back to the Clone Wars. This is her training. All of it. The good and the bad, the Light and the Dark.

So she tries to forget, but she promised Ezra she would find him, so Ahsoka does that. She goes after Morgan, she fights Baylan and Shin, and she trains Sabine because she wants to find Ezra too. Ahsoka does not risk passing on the seeds of the Dark Side. Maybe Sabine has a hard time opening up to the Force, but maybe Ahsoka has closed herself off just enough that she can't help Sabine find her way either.

Then Ahsoka falls into the WBW, and Anakin starts probing. The last lesson is to live or die. Ahsoka says she won't fight Anakin, which is her subconsciously not fighting the Darkness (represented by Anakin) and allowing it to sit there. Anakin brings her back to the Clone Wars, and all of these pieces start to fall into place. During the Siege of Mandalore flashback, Anakin figures out what's in her head. He realizes what he represents to her, and I think he figures it out when he asks "Is that what this is about?"

(because when Ahsoka asked why they were back in the Clone Wars during the Ryloth flashback, he quite literally says "You tell me!" He's there to finish her training, but he doesn't pinpoint what it is until later, during the Mandalore flashback, which is when the fight resumes again)

Anakin/Vader makes Ahsoka fight the Darkness inside her, both literally and subconsciously. Either you fight it inside you, or you die. She does. She throws away the lightsaber, just like Luke does in Return of the Jedi, and she remains in the Light.

When she comes back, what does she do? She makes another promise to Hera to find Ezra and Sabine. She's not depending on her promise to Ezra to do what needs to be done, to fight and live. She's happier in the last fifteen minutes of this episode. Ahsoka has overcome the Darkness in her, not that it's completely gone, but it doesn't have power anymore and she can be confident in that fact. Now she makes a new promise, not because she needs something to keep her going but because she doesn't. Her search for Ezra isn't keeping her on the straight and narrow path anymore, but now that she's found her footing again, she's going to finish what she started ("The battle's not over yet").

Ahsoka the White, indeed.

Not to mention, Sabine's in the lion's den right now. She's just accepted a truce from Baylan. She's in a very apt position for the apprentice of Ahsoka Tano, who has probably passed along those Dark Side seeds whether she meant to or not. Sabine might actually connect with the Dark Side before she connects to the Light. Who knows?

The legacy will go on. Sabine is going to inherit/already has inherited Ahsoka's knowledge, which she inherited from Anakin. She's probably going to have to fight the same fight Ahsoka just won. Maybe not now, but probably eventually. Personally, I can't wait.

[tarisilmarwen]

Rebels Rewatch: "Steps Into Shadow"

Everything is all shaken up for Season Three, let's go.

So I know I said I really like it when shows change up the Status Quo but...

Some of the changes took a bit of getting used to in Season Three. I'll admit it.

(It's the hair, Ezra's hair took getting used to, I believe my exact reaction was, "Nooooooo not the cute shaggy shonen protagonist hair!" I'm okay with it now and it's hella easier to draw but it was a bit of a mourning period.)

So! Season Three begins six months after the end of Season Two. Everyone has had a cosmetic upgrade. They're all older. Ezra is seventeen. *cries*

Ezra had his seventeenth birthday offscreen while he and Kanan were not on speaking terms.

*sobbing forever*

Anyway we open In Media Res with the Spectres (minus Kanan) pulling off a jailbreak.

Oh it is absolutely not a coincidence that our first sight of Ezra this season has him bathed in shadow.

Sabine and Ezra casually bantering mid-mission and Ezra being seamlessly badass. <3

That cute little fond smile of Ezra's when he sees Hondo. T_T

Ohhhh I remember when people were freaking out over just how casually Ezra shoots this Stormtrooper with a blaster very obviously not set to stun. It's such a contrast from "Stealth Strike" in which he promises not to hurt any of them. He's taken some parts of Maul's words to heart, sadly, and now he's acting like a proper soldier in a war.

Ouch.

Don't mind me appreciating Ezra and Sabine's brief battle tag-teaming moment here.

As if the Luke parallels were not strong enough, Ezra's new lightsaber--after a harrowing fight against Darth Vader in which he lost his other one--is green. And sue me, I love his green lightsaber, it's my favorite.

Also a big fan of how Ezra demolishes this whole hallway of Stormtroopers by himself. He doesn't even blink.

"Is that really Ezra?" "Most of the time." The meaning behind this exchange is ambiguous and there are plural interpretations. I think Sabine is referring to how utterly serious he is, no stopping, no delays, all-business. We only really saw him banter and smile with the others when on their way in, once the reinforcements arrived it was all go time.

It really isn't Ezra's fault that Terba got killed. But Ezra's Hero Complex, Guilt Complex, and sense of hyper-responsibility are all colliding and making him take the blame on himself for not having complete 100% control of the situation, also why he snaps at Hera later for griping about just that.

Never not gonna love Ezra as leader with Sabine as his competent lieutenant. <3

The Force Theme goes creepily off-tune here. This is NOT a Jedi Mind Trick. This is Force Dominate and yes, it is a Dark Side power.

This scene is deliberately uncomfortable. It's almost like possession, like Ezra using the AT-DP pilot like a meat puppet.

Sabine looking Very Concerned as she watches what Ezra does here. :)

There's just a moment where they hold on the shots of the AT-DP's legs and Ezra's feet, juuuuuuust to give you enough time to comprehend the horror.

"When did Kanan teach you that?" There's just a smidge of discomfort in Sabine's voice here, she knows full well that's not something normal.

Ezra's "I did what I had to do." here is a bit needlessly defensive, Hera didn't offer any commentary in judgement at all, he's just instinctively already verbally flinching about it because he knows it was wrong.

We can already see the effects of Malachor on Ezra, he's angrier than usual and bristles at Hera's criticism.

"Ah the fiery spirit of youth, eh?" "It's not all bad." Hera looks so SAD here. :( There's so much unspoken sorrow. You can hear a certain frustration and helplessness.

Cut to Ezra having the expected angst session in his room. The holocron, sensing his anger, lights up, making his cadet helmet (the one Sabine painted for him, that's supposed to represent a sense of safety) look creepily demonic.

"You can see things clearly your friends cannot." Ohhhhh you absolute bitch, that specific turn of phrase is meant to dig at Ezra's guilt over Kanan's blindness isn't it? Ezra even repeats it. "They can't see..." This scene here, his speech, is the lynchpin of his entire experiment with the Dark Side; his guilt over Malachor is eating him up and like Anakin before him he's resolved to never let it happen again. So he must become stronger, more powerful. His fear of further loss--his attachment--is leading him down the same dangerous path.

It hurts so good, it's such good angst.

THERE SHE IS, MY FAVORITE FABULOUS BITCH.

She's awful. I love her. <3

The entire crew being so Done with Hondo lol.

Heeeeeeey remember how I talked about how a large part of Rebels the show is how the Ghost crew in particular helps put the Alliance together piece by piece, ship by ship?

Yeah these are the Y-wings that take part in the Battle of Yavin.

Sato promoting Ezra, awwwww. The sheer respect these two have now. Sabine and Zeb are very happy for him and Hera says Kanan would be too and ow ow ow the lined hurt in Ezra's face when he points out that Kanan is never around anymore.

The man himself has grown a Sadness!Beard and is in such inner turmoil that it's woken the Bendu, whose voice we hear calling to him.

I really feel for Hera, trying to mediate between her two Jedi, who are both hurting and both avoiding each other, the frustration and anguish she must feel.

Perhaps nudged by her words Kanan does try to pay Ezra a visit to talk... aaaaaaaand immediately discovers the open holocron.

Ohhh this conversation hurts. Ezra's so angry and hurt by Kanan seemingly abandoning him and all Kanan can think about is protecting him from the holocron's influence and he must feel like such a failure as a teacher, especially when Ezra yells about how he doesn't need Kanan.

:((((

Rebels says vehicle registrations and tolls are tyranny lol.

Right so, mistake number one: Running instead of playing cool. The Alliance does have a small amount of funds and they could easily forge a ship registration. Give the Mining Guild fake credentials, pay the fee, and they could have bought enough time to deflect suspicion for an hour maybe.

Yeah the krykna aren't any less creepy.

Hi Bendu!

The Bendu is an interesting addition to the lore. He seems in the vein of the Mortis Gods, an ancient entity in tune with the Force, though the normal rules of such don't apply to him. He's a neutral party, possibly representative of the spirit of nature, which is neither Light nor Dark it just is. His True Neutral alignment would later be challenged by Kanan but for now he seems a helpful ally, offering to assist Kanan learn how to "see" through the Force. (I do like to joke that he's trying to get all the Force noise to calm down so he can go back to sleep.)

Mixed feelings on how Kanan's blindness is handled. Would have liked to see more of a recovery/coping arc, but a lot of the little subtle hints and nods they do in later episodes are really effective at showing how he's adapted. And then there are the odd moments where Rebels writers forget he's blind entirely. So there's some room for improvement.

Also he should have been allowed to make some blind jokes. DON'T @ ME THEY WOULD HAVE BEEN HILARIOUS.

Ezra: "No witnesses! 😠" Sabine: "Dude WTF?" Love how even though his Dark Side tendencies concern and worry her she's not afraid to push back at him.

Kanan assumes the "source of unbalance" he's carrying is the Sith holocron and confesses his fears that it's corrupting Ezra. The Bendu claims, "An object cannot make you good or evil.", explaining how it's one's mindset that determines that.

Which I mean, point, buuuuuuuut this is also a fictional universe in which the traces of Sith ghosts stuck in soul jars can literally possess you sooooo...

Anyway the scenes of Bendu teaching Kanan how to "see" through the Force are amazing. 10/10 no complaints. Will comment on things as I go just to point them out.

For starters, how about the panic and fear in Kanan when Bendu destroys the sensor beacon? And his angry hopeless, "I can't see anything! Not anymore."?

MEANWHILE WITH THE IMPERIAL DOOM SQUAD:

*ANGELIC CHORUS*

Hello my favorite blue bastard.

The first hint of Kallus's changed allegiance is here with this vaguely accusatory comment about civilian deaths outnumbering insurgent deaths at Batonn, which Thrawn was promoted for. Pryce calls them "acceptable margins". Timothy Zahn would later reveal in the first new canon Thrawn book that it was her who detonated the bombs that killed everyone. For the moment I will refrain from commenting on his concerning habit of retconing things to absolve Thrawn of anything bad ever and just respond with the appropriate amount of disgust at Pryce.

Always loved the cool effect where everything except Thrawn's red eyes fade out.

Mistake number two: Not calling Hera to tell her, "Hey the Empire is scrapping the bombers literally as we speak." and asking for advice. Hera probably would have consulted Sato and the combined brainpower could have come up with a better plan than "Charge in recklessly and scoop them up against orders without further observation or research."

Even Rex, who backs Ezra up later, thinks they should tell Hera about it first.

"That's an order!" Ouch, Ezra, that is the most insensitive thing you could have said to a former clone trooper.

Ezra's need for control over every possible variant situation (to prevent himself from suffering further loss) is actively making things worse for the mission, not better. He is showing a distinct lack of trust in the command structure, and an almost possessive need to keep his team safe and under his direction.

No one comments on his bossing them around though, not even Sabine, and into the maelstrom they go.

Hi Brom Titus!

Rex still showing a very slight deathseeker tendency.

Sabine's been taking notes from Hera on flying a ship with no power, clearly, lol.

This cue right here is going to come back later in the climax of the episode. The frantic rapid percussion definitely gives off the feel of "falling".

Love Melch feigning a malfunction he fits right in with Han "slight weapons malfunction" Solo lol.

Sabine sounds tired and exasperated when she points out the fighters won't have any fuel. I can only imagine the kind of impulsive, reckless, rash leadership decisions she's had to put up with from Dark Side Depression!Ezra for the past few months.

Rex is supportive tho. <3

Bendu going through Kanan's other senses methodically to help him relearn how to navigate. <3

Kanan foresensing the danger Ezra's going to be in from across the galaxy and freaking out about it. <3

I'll be honest I don't quite understand this philosophical mumbo-jumbo but whatever it works, Kanan's got his mojo back and is going to go get his padawan.

Ohhhhhh oh I know this cue right here has been used before, dammit where was it used before?

Hang on... I think it's Kanan's theme?

*goes back to check "Stealth Strike"* No, not there. Ugh, this is gonna bug me.

*checks YouTube* It IS Kanan's theme! Holy crap.

Sabine does not have a good time of it against this Dismantler droid. Zeb's prehensile feet save the day, though. Always love when they get to use those.

Worried Ezra be worried. <3

Ezra's strained "Oh shit it's mom." tone here lol.

Recall what I said back in "Fire Across The Galaxy" about how the Rebellion will always pull your fat out of the fire even if you've been stupid? Yeah.

Hera's face when she sees Kanan sitting in the co-pilot chair. <333333

Rex, ah... may not be all mentally here I think the Dismantler droid is bringing up some unpleasant memories.

The subtle symbolism continues!

This exchange is hilarious. "Yeah, get ready for another demotion." Lol Ezra.

Ezra considers the dilemma for half a second and then chooses violence. Mistake three.

Chopper pitches a fit about getting in a Y-wing. Given that he was shot down in one, that's understandable.

This fond smile and headshake at Hondo. <3

Mistake four, not checking to see if the Y-wings had hyperdrives before taking off.

Always love it when one of the kids uses Zeb's "Karabast!" He's a bad influence on them lol.

All of Ezra's previous bad decisions culminate here, he's stranded on a collapsing station, unable to contact help, and the last thing he heard from Sabine was that the Empire was there. It's not any wonder he's practically breaking down in tears.

"This is wrong, it's all gone wrong!" Well, that's what happens when you choose all the Dark Side options, Ezra. Should have kept a save point.

:((((((

Taylor's acting here is amazing, Ezra sounds SO lost and scared and desperate and he just wants Kanan to be there.

A bold and serious "Shenanigans" cue as Phoenix Group blazes in to the rescue. <3

And there's that cue that I told y'all would be coming back. :)

This sequence is perfection. Ezra clinging to the station as it falls, Hera flying with such microprecision she misses all the debris flaking off of it, the rushing wind, the music...

Ezra's shock when he hears Kanan's voice.

KANAN BATHED IN WHITE LIGHT REACHING OUT TO EZRA AS HE AND THE STATION PLUMMET INTO THE ABYSS.

THE RETURN OF THE ARC WORDS, "I'VE GOT YOU."

THE SOUND DROPPING OUT AS THE FORCE THEME PLAYS SOFTLY AND KANAN TELLS EZRA TO LET GO.

EZRA TRUSTING KANAN, LETTING GO, AND LETTING THE WIND CARRY HIM WITHIN REACH.

Cinematic poetry. <333333333

Hera smiled at first when Kanan told her he'd gotten Ezra buuuuut she's pissed now about the Phantom lol.

Pryce's shade at Konstantine, ha ha.

Thrawn sounded so disappointed too, almost sulky. "That's not the Rebel fleet!" 😠

Major "mom grounding her rebellious teenager" vibes. Love that Zeb and Sabine stick up for him.

Dodonna namedrop!

I know some people wanted a bit more out of Ezra's flirtations with the Dark Side but personally I think it's fitting that as soon as Kanan and Ezra bury the hatchet he never touches it again. The major impetus behind his running to the holocron was Kanan's distance from him, reinforcing all the self-negative beliefs Ezra had about the whole situation--that it was his fault Kanan was blind, that Kanan blamed him, that he wasn't a worthy student, that he couldn't rely on anyone but himself to get strong enough to protect the people he cared about, that he needed the holocron and the Dark Side to get that strength.

And you'll notice he doesn't quite swear off the thing entirely, he asks after it both here and in the beginning of the next episode, a bit like an addict antsy for their next fix.

(No, fandom, Kanan's "I'll always come back." here was not secret foreshadowing that the writers failed to follow up on in Season Four, it was a straightforward sentiment in the moment.)

This is a heartwarming sight. <3

This... is my favorite of the season premieres. For obvious reasons.

Once again the main strength is the focus on Kanan and Ezra's fractured relationship as it pieces back together. The action is tightly written and every single element serves its purpose. It's funny, dramatic, heartbreaking...

I don't really have any other words, this episode is just amazing.

[twinsunstars]

Thoughts on Ahsoka Episode 8 - The Jedi, the Witch, and the Warlord - A Discussion Post

The season finale was both action-packed and emotional, and I was certainly not expecting an ending like this. Let's look back and relive the finale!

(all screencaps from www.cap-that.com! https://www.cap-that.com/starwars/ahsoka/108/)

At the beginning of the finale, the three Nightsisters tell Morgan to come forward, giving her full powers and truly making her like one of them. Her eyes turn dark and marks similar to the ones we have seen Nightsisters have on their faces appear on her own. Honestly, I loved her transformation and how she got to connect more with her magick with the support of the Nightsisters, and her new blade was pretty cool. Thrawn observed the entire scene from behind.

Inside Ahsoka's ship, Ezra works on building a new lightsaber with Huyang. As Ezra rambles through the lightsaber parts, Huyang does get a bit annoyed with things becoming unorganized. I bet if he had seen Ezra's blaster-lightsaber combo, he would lose it.

Sabine comes over and observes the situation, mentioning Kanan Jarrus. Huyang begins talking about Kanan (Caleb) and remembering how he had built his lightsaber. Ezra reminisces on Kanan as well, as after all, he was his master. Ezra uses a piece that Kanan also had on his lightsaber, Huyang remembering that Kanan used one and he had another, which Ezra took. Ezra ignites his new lightsaber, revealing a blue hue. I wonder where he got the kyber crystal from.

Sabine eventually leaves the room, and Huyang reveals to Ezra that the Empire had attacked Mandalore and killed many people, including Clan Wren. Ezra did not know about this part yet, as I felt like Sabine had kept it hidden from him, possibly not wanting to talk about it. Huyang adds on that Ahsoka felt Sabine could become dangerous after her family died if she continued her training, hence the conflicts between Ahsoka and Sabine began after Ahsoka left her. In a way, Ahsoka could have been thinking about Anakin, because she knows the importance of the people he loved to him, and if anything happened to them, he would take a dangerous turn.

Outside, Sabine reconnects with Ahsoka, talking to her about what happened. Ahsoka wants to reconcile with Sabine and continue on her training, wanting to always be there for her.

As Ezra stepped out of the ship to show the women his new lightsaber, he hears a sound he has not heard in years. TIE fighters begin attacking the group, trying to prevent them from leaving. After a tough fight with the TIEs and Sabine crashing Ahsoka's ship, the three head towards the Chimaera atop the howlers, ready for a fight.

Thrawn and Morgan get the Night Troopers ready for battle, wanting to get rid of the three and prevent them from coming onboard. Thrawn does not want to negotiate "with the apprentice of Anakin Skywalker," which I find hilarious because he knew Anakin, so he doesn't want to put up with whatever Ahsoka learned from him. Ahsoka, Ezra, and Sabine make their way towards the Imperials while being attacked, managing to get in, which annoyed Thrawn. Though, the packing is nearly done, and the Chimaera is ready to leave with the Eye of Sion.

Ahsoka, Ezra, and Sabine face many Night Troopers, managing to get rid of them before moving forward. As Thrawn is always one step ahead, he gets the Nightsisters to resurrect the troopers, as they act all zombie-like and begin the attack again.

Later on the episode, Sabine and Ezra faced off against two troopers with darker armor, and the one that had fought Sabine had part of his helmet torn off, revealing horrifying flesh under as the trooper growled and tried to strangle Sabine. These troopers reminded me of the Death Troopers book, but instead they've been possessed and potentially resurrected by Nightsister magick.

Ahsoka is face to face with Morgan once again along the path. Letting Ezra and Sabine go, she duels with Morgan. I found this fight to be pretty cool with Morgan's new blade, and Ahsoka ended up losing one of her lightsabers. I knew Morgan was going to die, but I wish we could know more about her. I really wanted to learn more about her backstory as a Nightsister.

Thrawn boards the Eye of Sion, ready to leave with the Chimaera connected to the Eye. Sabine and Ezra watch it slowly leave, needing to get onboard. Sabine manages to use the Force and get Ezra on board. She is ready to launch herself, but sees Ahsoka and decides to help her in the battle instead.

Ezra fights two troopers, managing to get ahold of one's comm. He impersonates the trooper's voice, which is totally an Ezra thing to do right there. He is on the Chimaera without Thrawn's knowledge, which makes it funnier since he can ruin Thrawn's plans again.

Ahsoka and Sabine chase the ships as fast as they can, flying into space and trying to catch up until the Eye could jump into hyperspace. Thrawn contacts Ahsoka through the comm channel, talking to her about Anakin. He says "Long live the Empire" right before jumping into hyperspace. Ezra is on the Chimaera, while Ahsoka, Sabine, and Huyang are left on Peridea.

Left with no choice, Ahsoka and Sabine return to the surface, meeting up with the Noti. They make home with them, and as the night dawns on them, Ahsoka tells Sabine that is it time to move on. I'm not sure what is going on in Ahsoka's head, but she seems very calm about this. She does mention that Ezra is now where he needs to be, which is true, but nothing's very clear to me here. Ahsoka had also seen Morai here, which was so interesting.

Both Baylan and Shin show up towards the end, as I wonder where they were during the entire battle. Thrawn had just left them both behind, making them stranded here as well. Shin ignites her lightsaber, grabbing the attention of many troopers left behind that had initially come with Morgan. She looked saddened, and she is without her master.

Baylan appears on top of a mountain that displays two characters from the Mortis Arc: the Father and the Son. This is such an interesting detail and leaves room for much more to know about Peridea, yet there wasn't any more time. First we had seen Morai, and then these statues. There's so much more we need to know!

Sadly due to Ray Stevenson's passing, we won't be able to see more of him as this character. He did so amazing with his acting, and I wish we could have gotten more. Rest in peace.

Getting back to the right galaxy, Thrawn arrives to Dathomir, the Nightsisters seeing their new home from the surface. People have said that those boxes on the ship hold corpses or dead Nightsisters, so there's definitely something going to happen if we get a second season.

Hera, Chopper, and a few others run to the back of a New Republic ship ready to fight, where an Imperial ship arrives and lands. A trooper steps out of the ship, as Chopper begins to talk to the trooper. He rolls forward to the trooper, getting a head pat. Chopper immediately recognizes Ezra, as Ezra takes his helmet off for the others to see. Hera hears the words "Hi, Hera. I'm home."

(HOW DARE WE DON'T GET TO SEE A HUG-)

At the end, Anakin shows up as a Force ghost, watching Ahsoka and Sabine. Ahsoka knows that her master will always be there for her in any way, and Anakin watches over his padawan. Gosh, I loved Hayden's appearances in this show.

Since there was only 8 episodes, there wasn't enough time to cover a whole lot sadly. I wish they had done more episodes or made episodes longer, especially the finale. There was a lot we wanted to see, like Zeb, Kallus, and a lot more. We all had this theory that Ezra and Thrawn have been in the Unknown Regions and had begun to work together to survive; though that wasn't the case at all. But we were all excited to see characters such as Jacen and Anakin! Kaz's dad, Senator Xiono, and C-3PO was definitely a surprise.

It was fun to do these discussions every episode and celebrating Ezra's return after so many years. This show really had us screaming and crying every week. I loved every actor's portrayal of each character. I hope a season 2 gets confirmed, but that may be a little difficult right now with the actors' strikes. This show was good and a lot of fun!

[softpadawan]

Cal: Hey, we're gonna make a quick stop at Dathomir so Merrin can pick up a few things. That okay with you guys?

Kanan, Sabine and Ezra: *Kill Bill sirens*

[jenstar1992-2]

May I please request an older!Captain Rex x reader drabble where you're married and there with Rex, Gregor and Wolffe when Ezra and the rebels come to Rex for help?

Ask and you shall receive. 😊 Here it is, took me a minute to start writing again, but I finally got around to it. I know this is not really a drabble, I didn’t start out with the intention on making it long, especially not THIS long, but here we are. It's been a good minute since I last wrote anything so hopefully this is ok, and I hope you like it. Also, sorry it went a bit off the rails there, did not mean for it to get so angsty and junk, but my brain was going, and my fingers just kept typing, tried to end it happy though so… yeah.

Trust

Pairing: Older! Rex X Fem! reader

Warnings: Language, angst, mentions of order 66, reader being very protective of her boys, feels all around really, a bunch of married couple fluff (not really a warning, just wanted to mention it), it does get a little saucy at the end, nothing crazy, more talk than anything else

Word Count: 11,113

"We've got company", you hear Gregor say as he eyes the screen in front of him. You stand from your seat and make your way over to him.

"What is it", you ask, looking over his shoulder to inspect the image on the screen for yourself.

"Looks like an auxiliary starfighter of some kind."

"What's it doing out here?"

"I'm more concerned about who's inside it", Rex says from behind you. You turn to face your husband, giving him a curious look.

"Who the hell would be all the way out here? We're in the middle of nowhere", you say, holding your arms out and gesturing to the space around you before folding them at your chest.

"Exactly, who in their right mind would land in the middle of nowhere, and conveniently right in our path."

"You think it's something we should be worried about?"

"Don't know, just seems a bit suspicious is all", he says, lifting his hand to his chin, rubbing it with his index finger in thought.

There's a short moment of silence before you break it. "Well", you say with a little clap of your hands to break Rex out of his thoughts and bring him back to reality. "Let's check it out, who knows, maybe their friendly." You walk to the door and look back to the three men, giving them a smile and waiting for them to follow.

Wolffe chuckled and shook his head. "Ah (Y/N), always the optimist." His comment making you smile a little wider.

"Hey, it's gotten me this far", you say with a little shrug.

They all chuckle at that as they move to join you by the door. Wolffe and Gregor each grabbing their weapons on the way. You give them a confused look before Wolffe states, "Just in case."

You smile and nod, absentmindedly placing your hands to your hips, where they ghost over your lightsabers that you keep strapped there. You didn't know why you kept them on, it's not like you ever used them, never had to after coming to this deserted planet, where nothing much ever happens. But you kept them there, if for no other reason than it just felt wrong not having them on you. Your lightsabers were an extension of yourself after all, at least that's what your master taught you. As you reach to open the door, your hand gets caught in a gentle grip. You turn, raising your eyebrow at Rex who only offers you a soft smile. "I'll go first cyar'ika."

A small grin forms on your lips. "As always", you reply, moving aside to let him take the lead. As he passes you, he places a soft kiss on your forehead.

"Yep, always", he confirms before opening the door and walking out into the bright sunlight, you and the other two men right behind him.

You walk up to the railing and gaze down warily at the group that had just exited the starfighter. "It's a bunch of old geezers, well mostly old geezers", one of them says, a lasat from the looks of him.

"Well- armed old geezers", the Mandalorian girl adds.

"What do you want", Rex asks, sounding a bit gruffer than usual. You guessed he was trying to sound more intimidating. You would've laughed if you weren't also trying keep a serious front.

"We're looking for someone", responded the man in the group.

"Well, that's too bad, cause there's nobody out here", Rex says while leaning on the railing.

The boy speaks up next and asks, "Hey, uh, does the number 7567 mean anything to you?" You all straighten simultaneously.

"What did you just say", you asked, a small ball of anger beginning in your chest.

"Uh, I said 7567", the boy responded.

You looked over to Rex who still had his gaze set on the group below. "Well, that's my birth number", he tells them.

You see the man's eyes light up with recognition, like he's had a realization. "They're clones", he says angrily. He then pulls out a lightsaber and ignites it, stepping in front of the others.

"It's the jedi, they've come for revenge", you hear Wolffe say from your right before he fires a few shots at the man, who blocks them easily. You then see the man take a few more steps forward, looking like he wanted to jump up to your level and take you all out, but you weren't about to let him get that far. Acting on instinct, you grabbed your sabers from your hips and jumped down to the ground, landing just a few feet from him, your sabers igniting as soon as your feet hit the dirt. You stood in a defensive stance, ready to attack if he made even a single wrong move.

"I wouldn't if I were you", you told him in a tone that said you weren't messing around.

"She's a jedi", the boy said from behind the man, surprise clear in his voice.

"Stand down troopers, that's an order", you heard Rex bark from above. "(Y/N)", he then said in a softer tone. You knew what he wanted, but you were far from relenting, you needed to keep your men safe.

"Not gonna happen", you responded, still not taking your eyes off the man in front of you.

"Kanan stop, we have to trust them remember?" The boy seemed to be trying to reason with the man. You continued to glare at him, an action which he reciprocated. You stayed like that for a few more seconds until you heard your name being called again, even more gently than before.

"Please cyare, put them away", Rex calls down, trying to keep his voice as soft as possible. He knows all you need is a little push to send you over the edge at this point. You were always like this when anyone or anything threatened the safety of your men, you'd been that way for as long as he’d known you and he didn't see that ever changing. Not that he didn't respect the hell out of you for it. He and his brothers always appreciated the way you defended them with such vigor. However, Rex also knew that this wasn't the time for that. Something told him that they should be trying to make friends in this situation, instead of starting a fight.

"Not until he does", you finally reply.

The boy puts a hand on the man's shoulder, giving him a pleading look. Kanan sighs before deactivating his lightsaber and returning it to his hip. He then looks at you expectantly. You regard him for a few more moments before you too put your sabers away. Once you re-attached them, you turned and jumped back up to your original position, grabbing the railing and easily pulling yourself up and over it, before coming to stand beside your husband. You cross your arms over your chest, still feeling a bit defensive. Rex could feel your tension and responded by wrapping an arm around your waist to hold you closer to his side, feeling you relax just a bit.

The boy took this opportunity to make his introductions. "My name's Ezra. This is Kanan. That's Sabine and Zeb", he said while pointing out each of his comrades. "It's nice to meet you, 7567."

Rex felt you stiffen a bit in his grasp. You hated when anyone referred to him by his number and not his name. It had started as a pet peeve, but as time went on you just saw it as downright disrespectful and then it just straight up pissed you off. Rex knew this and it was just one of the millions of reasons he loved you so much. He could feel you prickling up with anger again. He moved the hand holding your waist to your hip and gave it a light squeeze in an attempt to calm the storm brewing inside you. This was your way of telling each other that everything was okay and not to be upset, light squeezes or soft touches, usually followed by a reassuring look. After this he again felt you start to calm. It was crazy the affect you two had on each other, it was damn near magic.

"Actually, my name is Rex. Captain, 501st Clone Battalion. Meet Commanders Gregor and Wolffe", Rex introduced the men standing behind you before looking to you, pulling you to him in a tighter one-armed embrace, "and this beautiful ball of fire is our General, (Y/F/N, Y/L/N). I know she seems a bit rough around the edges, but once you get to know her, you'll find she's pretty amazing." You looked to Rex after your introduction to notice him looking at you with an expression of pride, like he had just showed off his most prized possession, which in a way, you were. Rex never had much, but he always had you, and that's all he ever wanted. Your love and adoration were all he needed to feel as though he had a fulfilling life. Something he reminded you of on more than one occasion. You couldn't help but smile back at him, that same adoration clearly visible in your gaze.

You both were brought back to the present when you heard Ezra's voice addressing you. "We were sent by Ahsoka", he told you. Your ears perked up at the mention of your friend, turning to look at the boy.

"Ahsoka?"

Rex grinned. "Ahsoka Tano. We fought by her side from the battle of Christophsis to the siege of Mandalore", he said reminiscently.

"A friend of Ahsoka's is a friend of ours", you said, finally offering the group a genuine smile. Ezra smiled back, glad to see the fighting was over.

***

You and the boys had decided to help the crew of the Ghost to find a place to set up their rebel base. You could tell they were grateful for your help, most of them anyway. Kanan still seemed to distrust your little squad. When you thought about it you couldn't totally blame him. From what you could tell, Kanan was a young man, which meant that he would've still been a young padawan near the end of the clone wars, which also meant that he had to endure the horror that was Order 66 at a young age. You remember how terrible it had been for you, Ahsoka, and Rex. Not to mention the countless others who had to watch their allies, their friends turn on them, not knowing why. You had felt their pain, their fear, their feeling of betrayal, all before they were silenced. Then there were the clones who had their chips removed and had been traumatized at what they had almost done, what most of their brothers did do, even if it was out of their control. It took a heavy toll on all of you, and even though so much time had passed, it still hurt like hell. So yeah, you could understand his feelings, but if you were going to all work together successfully, then he had to lay some of that aside and learn to trust you, and the clones. You knew it wouldn't be easy, but you figured it couldn't hurt to try and talk to him.

You were walking topside on your way to the Phantom for what you knew was going to be an uncomfortable talk, at best. As you approached the vessel you saw Rex standing by its entrance talking to whoever was inside. "We all have a choice", he said as you reached his position. He then turned to walk away, stopping after a few steps when he saw you standing there. He had a saddened expression that made your heart hurt, but before you could ask what was wrong, he walked past you, only stopping for a moment to bring your forehead to his, a gesture that meant he wasn't okay, but he would be. You nodded and let him leave, then turned to continue your little mission.

As you walked to the entrance of the phantom Ezra emerged, giving you a sad smile before passing you to join the rest of his crew up front. Once he was gone you focused your attention on Kanan who was facing away from you, fiddling with his lightsaber. "Hey", you called, trying to sound like you weren't still a little pissed at him.

"Hi", he said, rather unenthusiastically.

"Well, aren't you all warm a fuzzy", you said sarcastically.

"Can I help you with something, because if not then please leave me be, I have things to do." You rolled your eyes. This was going to be harder than you thought.

"Mm, yeah, that seems real important", you say, pointing to the saber in his hand that he had been detaching and re- attaching the same piece on for the past minute. He gave you a look over his shoulder, but you ignored it continuing. "Anyway, I was hoping we could talk."

"About what?"

You crossed your arms. "You know what." He just continued his mindless fiddling, so you sighed and went on. "Look, I understand your feelings towards the clones, I even understand your feelings towards me, but if we're going to work together here then you need to put all that aside, even if it's just for the time being. Do you think you could do that?" You looked at him with a sympathetic, yet hopeful look.

"Put it aside, put it aside?" His voice had raised to where he was just short of yelling at you. "How do you suggest I do that, huh? Maybe to you the war was a long time ago, but to me it feels like it could've been yesterday. The pain is still fresh to me, I can't forget it or set it aside as I please, it's always there and it always will be. I can't just sit here and act like I'm okay when everything here reminds of that awful day, the day I lost my master, the one time she needed me most and I couldn't save her. How can I put it aside when every time I turn around here I see the faces that murdered her?” That was it, that was what tore the last piece of patience from you.

"ENOUGH!" He froze, obviously not expecting the amount of anger that now radiated off you in waves. "Listen, you son of a bitch, I've tried to be patient, I've tried to be understanding, hell, I tried to be genuinely nice to you, but clearly you don't respond to nice, so this is how it's gonna go." You grabbed him by the front of his shirt and brought his face only inches from yours. "You are going to buck the kriff up and get over your bantha shit until this is over, and if you hurt or disrespect my men again, you won't be leaving this planet intact, do I make myself clear?" You made sure to emphasize those last five words.

He looked at you, still shocked, for a moment before narrowing his eyes and giving you a bitter, "Yes Ma'am."

You instantly released your grip, letting him go. "Good, as long as we're on the same page, you can go back to your 'oh so important' work." You made you way back to the door but stopped just as your one foot passed the threshold. You turned slightly before saying in a low voice, "You know, you’re not the only one that lost people that day." You paused as so many faces flashed through your mind, all the friends you lost, even ones before the end of the war, all the faces that plagued your thoughts so often. "Survivor’s guilt is a hell of a thing, believe me, I know... we all know", and that's all you left him with before you quickly made your exit, desperately trying to keep the tears at bay, you weren't about to show him that kind of weakness in you, not when you had to stay strong, not when you had your family to protect.

You made your way to the front with the others, seeing Ezra and Sabine leaning on the rail, talking casually. Sabine was the first to notice you approaching. "Oh, hey General (Y/L/N)", she said, smiling as she turned to fully face you. Her smile quickly faded when she took in your expression. "Are you okay", she asked, her voice laced with genuine concern.

You stopped in front of her, finally looking up to meet her gaze. "Huh? Oh, yeah, yeah I'm alright", you replied, giving her a reassuring smile, hoping it was believable. "Oh, and you don't need to call me that. It's (Y/N). Not need for formalities with me, no matter what the boys say." She nodded, turning back to lean on the rail as you moved to stand between the two teens, copying their actions. "So, what were you two talking about before I interrupted", you asked, hoping that a casual conversation with some young bloods would help get your mind off of that upsetting talk you had only moments ago.

"Nothing much, just that you guys seem to have a pretty nice setup here, living the quiet life and all", Ezra said, gesturing toward the modified tank you were all currently on.

You chuckled. "I don’t know if quiet is the word I'd use, if there's one thing these boys are not, it’s quiet, but I get your meaning", you said, smiling at the young teen.

"It makes me wonder though." You turned at Sabine's words to look at the girl. "Wonder what", you asked.

"Well, I can see how this life is desirable for the clones, I mean I'm sure the war took its toll on everyone, but it must've even more so on them. So, a nice quiet life of isolation seems like a nice reprieve if anything else", she said, pausing to look at you, seeming to contemplate her next words before continuing her thought. "But you’re a jedi."

"And", you questioned, cocking an eyebrow.

"Well, all the jedi I know can't seem to stay in one place for very long, not unless there's a point to it anyway. Plus, if anyone should want the downfall of the empire, it should be the jedi. You guys were peacekeepers after all, and with the empire in control there hasn't been any true piece to be found. I don't know, I guess I just thought you'd be fighting with the rebellion, instead of hanging out here slinging for joopa with retired clone troopers." She looked at you with a confused expression.

You sighed before responding, "I get your logic, and you're right, if anyone deserves a quiet life away from all the violence out in the galaxy, it's the clones. We all went through it and it was bad for all of us, but they really got screwed more than any of us in my opinion. We at least had some semblance of a choice in the matter, but the clones, they were forced into a war they had nothing to do with, and not even a light at the end of the tunnel to work toward. Most clones had no idea what would happen to them after the war, or what they would do. If you ask me, these boys deserve much more than this 'quiet' life." You leant over the railing again, looking to the ground below. "You're right about the rest too. We were peacekeepers, at least, we were supposed to be, and I do want the empire to fall, but...", you paused, not sure why you were divulging so many of the thoughts you'd kept to yourself for so long, even during the war, you hadn't fully voiced your opinion on these topics with anyone but Rex, and that was only in confidence, in those precious moments when it was just the two of you, the world outside a distant thought as you held each other and talked throughout the night. These and other hard topics would come up now and then, but you'd never have thought that you'd be here telling those same thoughts to two teens who you'd only just met earlier that day. You realized it was because, for reasons unknown to you, you trusted them, and you guessed that was enough. "When the war ended, and the empire took power, I was lost. We all were", you continued. "Ahsoka, Rex, and I, we were together when it happened, and if it hadn't been for that, well, I don't know where I'd be right now. Maybe I would've joined the rebellion, if I had somehow been able to survive on my own. But that's not how things played out. I was able to keep those closest to me and then I had a decision to make. Join another fight and risk the one thing that gives my life purpose or keep them safe and away from the danger." You stood straight, looking to Sabine. "We all have a choice, and I made mine. I chose family, I chose him."

"Rex", she said, confident in her understanding of your words. You gave her a short nod, then looked away, staring at the empty landscape before you.

It remained silent for a moment until Ezra spoke up, wanting to voice the question that had been on his mind. "Rex said that he never betrayed his jedi, is that true?"

You smiled, turning your attention to Ezra now. "Yes, it's true. It wasn't easy though, those damn chips really did their jobs well. I had never seen him fight so hard against anything the way he did with that thing. Imagine fighting your own body and mind simultaneously because that's what he did, for us. He didn't want to hurt us, and his hesitation gave us the chance we needed to escape. I had never been more relieved than I was to see that damn thing removed from his head. I owe Ahsoka a lot for that, it was her quick thinking that saved him in the end. Well, her... and Fives", you said, a sad expression taking over your features as you thought of your fallen friend, and the sacrifice he made trying to save you all.

"Who's Fives", you heard Ezra ask from beside you.

"A good man, one of the best, who deserved better", you said somberly.

The silence that settled over the three of you was thick with conflicting emotions and full of unasked questions that you were sure would stay that way, which you were grateful for.

You almost jumped at the sound of the door sliding open behind you, turning around to see Rex coming though it towards the three of you. "I've assembled a list of potential bases and clearance codes and a few protocols the imperials still use. Should be of some use", he tells Ezra, who promptly thanked him. Sabine then went inside to collect some data tapes. Rex came to stand beside you. "So, what'd I miss out here", he asked, looking between you and Ezra.

"Oh, nothing much, just telling the kids some old war stories", you said, trying to make it sound as if it had been as simple as that.

"Oh yeah? Hope they were some of the good ones", he said, grinning at you.

"Were there any good ones, because I don't remember the war being all that fun." You hadn't even noticed Kanan enter the vicinity. You instantly frowned and crossed your arms, giving him a look that told him not to test you. He heeded the warning and turned away from you all, looking outward and shaking his head in disapproval, but he stayed silent.

"Actually, (Y/N) was telling us about what you did for her and Ahsoka, about how you saved them", Ezra interjected.

Rex scoffed at that. "If memory serves, it was the other way around. Without her and Commander Tano, I don't think I'd be standing here today", he said, looking back to you, his gaze turning to one of pure adoration. You couldn't help but smile back at him.

Ezra smiled, a knowing look in his eye. "So, I guess you were telling the truth after all. You didn't betray your jedi."

You both turned your attention back on the boy. "Nope. Even married one of 'em", he responded, wrapping an arm around your waist and pulling you flush against his side. “Best decision I ever made too.”

You sent a sideways grin his way. “Yeah, only took you forever to ask”, you said, finally dropping your arms to mimic his hold and wrap one around his waist.

He laughed, “Sorry cyar'ika. I would’ve asked sooner but we were in the middle of a war.”

“I know, I know”, you said, lifting your free hand to let it caress his cheek lightly before coming to rest your curved finger under his chin. “I just like messing with you”. Rex continued to grace you with a soft smile. But soon your quiet moment was ruined by someone’s loud scoffing, causing you to drop your hand and glare at the offender. “You have something to say, Ponytail”, you asked, your hand now going to your hip, your other staying securely around your husband, acting as your lifeline to sanity. You knew you shouldn’t let this guy rile you up, but you couldn’t help it, he was just so infuriatingly stubborn and took every chance he could to be rude.

“Yeah actually, I do have something to say…”, he started to say, but Ezra tried to intervene.

“Kanan, maybe you shouldn’t. They’re doing us a favor here remember. So maybe we should be, oh I don’t know, nice”, he said, giving his master an almost pleading look.

Kanan scoffed once more, crossing his arms over his chest. “Nice, you want me to be nice? I don’t know Ezra, it’s kind of hard to be nice to someone who not only chooses clones over her own people, but then come to find she broke her code to have a relationship with one of them. Then to top it all off, she goes off to conspire with the traitors”, he said, raising his voice.

You let go of Rex to cross your arms as well, but feeling the rage start to build in you Rex kept his hold on you, knowing if he didn’t this might turn into an all-out fist fight, or worse. “My people huh? Well, I don’t know how things were for you in the order, but let’s just say that by the end of the war, my faith in the jedi was heavily skewed. I couldn’t trust the order anymore, not like I used to. The only people I could truly trust were my friends and my men, and most times they were one in the same. I know you have a chip on your shoulder when it comes to clones, and, as I said before, I get it. However, I can tell you something with absolute certainty, and that is that my husband is no traitor. Rex is a good man, and loyal as hell. For as long as I’ve known him, never once has my faith in him been shaken, not even on that day. He would’ve laid his life down to save Ahsoka and I, damn near did too, just like countless times before. So many of those men risked their lives for me and the other jedi over the course of the war, and I can never thank them enough for that. I knew my men, and they never would’ve turned on us unless they were forced to. It was out of their control, and I can never hold hatred in my heart for them because of it.” You lowered your arms to rest at your sides, deciding you didn’t want to start another fight, and sighed. “Look, I know I can’t tell you how to feel, and I know you’re angry and still grieving. I also know that, that pain will never truly go away.” You see his angry expression falter a bit at your words, his arms releasing a small amount of tension. “I’m sorry about your master, but don’t let her death shape your feelings towards everything that reminds you of it. Don’t let your feelings blind you from the truth.”

He looked you square on the eye then. “How do you know you aren’t letting your feelings blind you from the truth”, he asked bitterly.

You gave this some thought before answering. Meeting his eyes, you said, “Because, at the end of the day, I never let those feelings control my actions. I could love Rex and still do my duty and so could he.” You gestured to Rex, who was now watching you as you spoke. “We never let our relationship get in the way of our responsibilities.”

“She’s right”, Rex spoke up, finally taking his eyes from you to direct his words to Kanan. “Even though it might’ve been hard sometimes, we never let anything keep us from dutifully serving the republic. We had agreed in the very beginning, nothing would sway us from playing our parts in the war, not even our love for each other.” He looked to you with a solemn expression, and you knew he was reliving the same memories that you were in that moment. Remembering all the times you two had parted ways, off on your own missions, saying a bitter goodbye, not knowing if it would be your last.

You were snapped out of your memories when Kanan finally spoke, “That… that must’ve been tough.” You both looked back to him but kept silent so he could finish. “Living day in and day out, with that fear of not knowing what day might be your last was something I think we all felt during the war, and that was hard to cope with at times. But to have that and feel that same fear for another person at the same time… that couldn’t have been easy, and I can tell you that to an extent, I understand how that is now. You never know what’s coming, and you can only hope that the person you care for survives it all, because if they don’t… well, you don’t know what you’ll do.” Kanan’s eyes were cast to the ground beneath him, a sullen look adorning his features.

Ezra stared at his master with a sad but understanding look. Clearly, he knew of who Kanan was referring to, you thought.

After letting a thick silence fill the area around you all for some time, you finally decided it was time to try and end this squabble, for real this time. You cleared your throat. “So… can we come to a truce then”, you asked, stepping from Rex’s hold and moving toward Kanan, holding out your hand for him to shake. He eyed it for a moment, then looked up to meet your eyes. You gave him a hopeful lopsided grin and a little shrug. Come on, what do you have to lose.

He slowly extended his hand, grabbing yours in a firm handshake. “Okay, truce, but I’m still going to be keeping a close eye on you all while we’re here”, he said with a serious tone before he gave you a small grin.

You let out a light huff of laughter and said, “I’d be surprised if you didn’t.” You released his hand and made your way back into your husbands waiting arms. You gave each other a quick hug before turning back to face Ezra who was now smiling at the two of you. “Well, I’m glad that’s settled. So, can we all be friends now”, he asked, making all three of you chuckle.

Suddenly the door next to you slid open and Sabine emerged looking upset, waving a holopad in the air. You were about to ask her what was wrong, but she spoke first. “The clones gave us up. They warned the Empire we’re here”, she said in a huff.

“Wait what”, Ezra asked, shocked.

“You’re mistaken. We would never do that”, Rex said, reaching for the holopad, clearly confused.

Sabine snatched it away from his grasp. “I found the binary transmission to the Empire”, she said, pointing to the screen in her hand, “and there are messages Ahsoka sent to Rex and (Y/N) that they never answered.”

“What”, you and Rex said simultaneously.

“We never got any messages from Ahsoka”, you stated, peering to look at the screen of the holopad that Sabine had handed over to Rex.

“See I knew it, I knew they couldn’t be trusted”, Kanan said, walking toward Rex, pointing accusatively.

“Kanan wait”, Ezra said, holding a hand up to stop the man’s approach. He then turned to face you, Rex, and Wolffe, who had just joined you, and asked, “Is this true?”

Rex just stared at the screen for a few seconds before you saw a flash of realization light in his eyes. He then turned to the man behind you. “Wolffe, what did you do”, he asked, not sounding too happy. You turned around to look at Wolffe, who now had his back turned to you all.

“I…I contacted the Empire. If they found out we were helping jedi they’d wipe us out”, he said, still with his back to you.

“Wolffe how could you”, you asked, not being able to fully hide the hurt from your voice.

Wolffe turned to face you with a saddened expression, your voice clearly working on his emotions. “I… I’m sorry, I didn’t… I just… I’m sorry”, he said, looking to his feet shamefully.

You could hear Kanan speaking behind you, but you weren’t paying attention to what was being said, too focused on wrapping your head around why your friend would do this.

“Why Wolffe, why would you put us at risk like this”, you asked.

“I… I just wanted to protect us, they’d kill us if they knew we were harboring jedi”, he said, looking back up at you.

“Hello, you’ve been harboring a jedi for years now, why is this any different?”

“No, you’re not, I mean, you haven’t been a jedi in a long time, if anything your one of us now.”

“The Empire won’t see it that way”, you said, looking at him with a disappointed frown. “So, what was your plan exactly, call the Empire and let them capture the jedi, do who knows what to them? Were you gonna let them take me too?”

His eyes went wide, and he looked right into yours. “No! No, I would never let them hurt you, we would never let them hurt you. You’re family, aliit. I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking straight, I know that now. Please forgive me (Y/N)”, he said, looking at you like a dejected puppy. You knew you couldn’t stay mad at him for long, especially since it clearly was a mistake on his part, and not a totally conscious one. Wolffe struggled with things like this sometimes, forgot who was truly responsible for all that happened, and wasn’t always sure of who he could trust. The only exceptions being his brothers and you. He knew he could always trust his family. This is why you found it hard to continue to be upset with him, so instead you gave in with a heavy sigh and wrapped your arms around him in a hug. He responded by hugging you back, whispering another shame filled apology.

“I know, I forgive you Wolffe”, you say before pulling away to look him in the eye, “but you have to make this right. These people are not the enemy, they’re our allies, and we have to protect them too.”

He searched your eyes for a moment, and in seeing your resolve gave you a tight nod, confirming that he’d found his own.

***

As it turned out, fixing Wolffe’s mistake wasn’t going to be as easy as you had thought. Unbeknownst to you, there had been a probe droid on board watching you all, for how long you weren’t sure, but it managed to damage the Phantom’s engine, which meant your new friends were stuck with you all for the time being, something you could tell didn’t make Kanan to happy. Rex had managed to destroy the probe, but the Empire was still on its way, and all you could do was prepare for the inevitable fight that was to come.

Everything happened quite suddenly, and before you knew it the Empire had arrived. They were using some new contraptions that neither you nor the clones had ever seen before, the others called them “walkers”. While impressed, the boys quickly stopped their analysis of the machines and came up with a plan. Retreat into the sandstorm that was brewing behind you to scramble their scanners and use the jedis’ force sight to maneuver your way out. This worked, but the imperials were soon gaining on your position once more. Once you exited the storm Rex instructed the others to leave, with the walkers still in the storm this was their only chance to escape back to their ship without being shot down. Most of them were on board with this plan, but Ezra didn’t want to leave you all behind.

“We can’t just abandon them”, Ezra said, still trying to convince Kanan to let them help you.

“You’re not abandoning anyone. We’re covering your escape. Now go”, Rex said in a commanding tone. He then turned to you and in a softer, but still authoritative voice said, “(Y/N), I want you to go with them.”

“What”, you asked incredulously. “No way.”

Rex sighed and took your hands in his. “Please cyare, those things are going to overrun us, and I don’t want you to be here when they do. I want you to escape with them, I want you to be safe”, he said, his eyes pleading with you to listen, just this once, but you wouldn’t have it.

“No Rex. If you’re going to fight, then so am I, and if this is where it ends, then I’m going to be right here beside you”, you tell him, releasing yourself from his grasp in order to bring your hands to cup his face, bringing his forehead to meet yours. Your eyes close as you say your next words. “If we’re going to die, then we’re going to do it like we’ve done everything else, together.”

You hear Rex sigh once more and you open your eyes to look at him. A small grin starts at the corner of his mouth, “You’re so stubborn, you know that?”

You chuckled lightly. “Yes, I am, and that’s why you love me”, you said, raising an eyebrow and giving a cocky grin. He shook his head at you, but relented, knowing full well he was not going to win this argument.

You both looked back to Ezra who still stood at the entryway of the Phantom, looking sadder than you’d seen him yet. You frowned and walked over to him, placing your hands atop the boy’s shoulders and bending down so you were at eye level. “Hey, it’s okay, we’ll be alright. We have each other’s backs, and that’s all we’ve ever really needed. Besides, we’ve faced worse than this”, you say, trying to reassure him.

“It’s just…”, he started, but you cut him off with a light shake of his shoulders.

“Come on, you gotta focus here. The most important thing for you to do right now is get out of here and get that information back to the rebellion, got it?” He nodded and looked to his feet. You hooked a finger under his chin and brought it up so he would look at you. “You did great out there you know, keep that up and you’ll make one hell of a jedi someday”, you said with an encouraging smile. He gave you a sad smile back before suddenly launching toward you, catching you in a tight hug. You were surprised at first, but soon hugged him back, smiling at the gesture. You had never had any kids of your own, but you thought that this might be close to how motherhood would feel. You had just met this kid, but you were already very proud of him and the actions he had displayed over the time he’d been with you, and although you were sad to see him go you knew he’d be alright, and that brought you an unexpected sense of comfort. A few moments later you finally pulled away, smiling as you told him, “Now go.”

Ezra nodded again, this time a little more confidently, and backed into the starfighter. You moved, walking backwards, stopping to stand next to Rex as you watched them take off. Once they were airborne you turned to your husband with a knowing grin. “So, do we have an actual plan for taking those things down, or are we just winging it”, you asked.

He chuckled. “Well, unless you have any last-minute ideas, I think winging it is our only option”, he said, shrugging.

“Good”, you said, placing your hands on your hips, “Because that was my idea.” He laughed at your sudden perkiness, it reminded him of the old days when you two would exchange snarky comments in the heat of battle, it made the terrors on the battlefield a little easier to deal with and often helped to temporarily relieve his stress. “Now, let’s get to work”, you said and began to walk to the front of the tank. Before you could get more than two steps away you felt a tug on your wrist and were suddenly pulled against Rex’s chest. You looked up at him, a slightly surprised look on your face. He smiled and brought a hand to the back of your neck, bringing you into a deep, passionate kiss, which you immediately melted into, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him in even more. You knew this fight would most likely be your last and it was clear he was thinking the same, so you decided to make this moment last, and just marvel in the love that was held there between you. After a few seconds, that were much too short for your liking, you both pulled away but still held onto one another, foreheads lightly touching, for a while longer.

“Whatever happens, I just want you to know that you’re the best thing to ever happen to me. I’m glad I chose love over following the rules, I’m glad I chose you”, Rex said, cutting the silence that had built between you two.

You smiled at his confession, “I’m glad I chose you too Rex. I love you.”

“And I love you (Y/N).” You slowly released one another and shared one more loving glance before you each were heading off to your stations to prepare for the fight that was about to ensue.

You went to stand at the front of the tank, detaching your sabers from your hips and holding them, still deactivated, at your sides while Rex manned the cannon. “Wolffe, bring us around”, you heard him yell to his fellow trooper. The tank began to turn, changing its direction to head straight for the walkers now in front of you.

As you made your approach the walkers began blasting the tank. You blocked a few shots with your sabers but weren’t able to deflect them all since they were shooting from two separate angles. One blast had the tank faltering and falling in the front, causing you to have to hold on to the railing in front of you so as not to fall. You looked behind you to the trooper driving the huge machine. “Wolffe, get us level”, you yelled to him.

“Yes General”, he said firmly. He then pulled the levers in his hands toward him and upwards, causing the tank to begin to lift in the front before finally being back on its feet once more. You took your defensive stance up again once you were able to get your footing. You were coming up quickly on the walkers and were desperately trying to come up with a crazy plan to take them out, if memory served you the craziest plans always seemed to be the most effective. You were halfway through your thinking when you heard Wolffe shout from behind you. “I’m going for the legs, all four of them.”

You turned to him with an incredulous look. “Are you crazy, there’s no way that’ll work”, you said, raising your voice over the commotion surrounding you.

“Never know until we try”, he responded.

You were about to argue against the idea until you remembered your previous thought. It was a crazy idea, so it just might work. You jump to the position right above him, looking down through the glass. “Alright then, have at it Commander”, you told him encouragingly.

He nodded and pushed forward, ramming the tank into the walker ahead. It seemed to be working, until it wasn’t, the tank now with its front legs halfway up the walker’s. You were almost sure that you would all be turned upside down any minute. You thought fast. You did have one plan, maybe impossible given your lack of practice over the years, but it was worth a shot. However, before you could put your plan into action you heard Rex shouting from somewhere behind you. “Come out and fight, you cowards”, he yelled to the men in the walker. He was standing on top of the cannon, and right in the line of fire. You cursed at him internally before leaping toward him, landing right in front of him, sabers ready to block the inevitable blast. Although, it never came. Before they could retaliate, the walker was shot from the side, throwing it off balance enough to distract them from their attack. You looked to see the Phantom fly under it and make its way to the second walker, you then saw Ezra, Kanan, and Zeb jump from the starfighter and land on its head before using their sabers to cut the hatch off and enter the machine. You grinned, and before you could voice the thought, Rex did it for you. “Just like the old days”, he said.

You turned, still grinning, to look at him. “Speaking of…”, you didn’t finish before running up the barrel of the cannon, replacing your sabers on your hips along the way.

“Wait, what are you doing”, he asked, concerned.

“Can’t let them show me up now can I”, you asked him, sending a playful wink over your shoulder. You used your higher position to launch yourself upward toward the first walker and was able to grab onto one of the blasters on the side of its head. You then swung yourself toward the top, landing much more gracefully than you’d expected to. You then drew your sabers and repeated the actions of the other two force-wielders, cutting a hole in the head and jumping down into it. You took your attack stance as soon as you were in, but when you looked around there was no one there. Walking to the control panel, you looked out to see the scene below and a movement from your right caught your eye. It was the imperials that had been manning the very walker you were in now; they had evacuated and were now fleeing on a speeder bike. “Huh, they really are cowards”, you said out loud to yourself.

Rex was below, now back in his seat behind the cannon. He was waiting to take the shot until he knew you were out. He wasn’t about to take that risk and was about to call the whole idea off when he saw something shoot out the head of the walker. He squinted to see better and nearly jumped out of his seat when you landed on the barrel of the cannon, giving a little mischievous grin when you noticed you’d startled him.

Rex shook his head. “So, did ya get ‘em”, he asked, eyebrow cocked and grinning back.

You jumped down, coming to stand next to him. “Nah, those hut’unns turned tail before I could even get to them. Took off that way”, you said, pointing in the direction you saw the speeder go.

“Oh, well then I guess there’s no need to blast this thing then”, he said, gesturing to the walker, “and just when we got the power restored, ah well.” You could see the slight disappointment on his face.

“You could still blast it you know”, you told him.

“To what purpose, they’re already gone.”

You laid a hand on his shoulder. “For no other purpose then the satisfaction of seeing this hunk of junk fall”, you said with a smile.

He grinned at you. “Have I told you how much I love you lately”, he asked.

You bent down so your face was next to his. “Yeah, but it’s always nice to hear it anyway”, you said, giving him a quick peck on the cheek before straightening and standing behind him.

Rex took the shot and you all watched as the walker fell to the ground. “You were right, that was satisfying.”

***

You and Rex had decided to leave the quiet life behind for now and join the rebellion, after a bit of convincing from Ezra and Sabine that is. You had said your goodbyes to Wolffe and Gregor before you left.

“So, I guess this is goodbye then”, Wolffe said, looking a bit downcast.

You laid a comforting hand on his shoulder. “For now, but we’ll all see each other again”, you said, giving him a reassuring smile.

He gave a breathy chuckle. “Did the force tell you that”, he asked sarcastically. He always loved messing with you like that.

You rolled your eyes. “No, but it didn’t need to, I just know. Besides, you guys can’t get rid of us that easily”, you said smirking at them.

Gregor came to stand beside you draping an arm over your shoulders. “Well good, because we don’t want to”, he said, smiling wide. You laughed. Gregor was always the one to lighten the mood, always the chipper one, and so damn optimistic that it almost annoyed you sometimes, but you had to love him for it. You loved all your boys for who they were and for what made them unique, this affection only grew after the war when you all decided to live together in seclusion, and you got to know them better.

During the war it always seemed like there wasn’t enough time to properly get to know all your men, especially the ones outside of the 501st, who you’d been more often affiliated with. However, on the rare occasions where you did work outside of your Legion you tried to widen your friend group, meeting other troopers and their commanding officers, befriending all who would have you. As a jedi you knew this wasn’t advised seeing as you were not to form attachments and all, but at the time you really didn’t care, still didn’t in fact, and looking back you were glad you hadn’t. You knew that throughout the war you would lose many of these friends, and it wouldn’t be easy, but you had accepted that and would take it in stride as it came, because in the end you knew that these friendships would do more good than hurt. Sometimes, a lot of times, all these men needed was a good friend, an ear to listen to the chaos within their minds after hard battles, and on occasion even a shoulder to cry on. You were willing to be all these things for them and did it with as much grace and kindness as you could. It was due to this that it was so easy for Wolffe and Gregor to trust you after the war. Even with their chips removed, they were still confused for a long while, not knowing who to trust but each other, but with you they found it to be much easier, remembering all the times you had been there for them and their men and knowing you would never do anything to betray their trust. Yes, you loved your newfound family, and you’d do anything to keep them safe, which is why you’d finally agreed to join the fight to take down the Empire, it was the only way to make sure they’d never come after your men again. Although, it was still hard to say goodbye.

You looked between the two men, an almost sad smile forming on your face and before you could even think you’d brought them both into a tight hug, one which they returned in kind. “Just don’t do anything too reckless while we’re gone, okay”, you requested, pulling back with a kind smile and wiping the tear that had fallen down your cheek away with your fingertips.

“We’ll do our best General”, Gregor stated with a nod. You resisted the urge to roll your eyes at him for addressing you by rank, you weren’t going to argue, not now.

Rex came to stand beside you, facing his brothers. “You both did excellent work today, I have no doubt you’ll handle yourselves in whatever is to come, but let’s hope you won’t have to”, he said with a grin, clapping them both on the shoulder.

“Well, if you ever need us, you know where to reach us”, Wolffe said, clamping his hand over Rex’s forearm, a gesture you had seen exchanged from brother to brother many times before, and it brought a warm feeling to your chest every time. Rex nodded before releasing them and bringing an arm to wrap around your waist, its constant home over the years. “You two stay safe alright? I don’t want to have to find replacements for you, not that there even is such a thing”, Wolffe said with a sideways grin.

You smiled at this and then straightened your posture, giving your men a formal salute and holding it, Rex following suit, standing in the same position beside you. The two commanders returned the salute. After a moment you relaxed and returned to a normal standing position, everyone else doing the same. “Until we see each other again”, you said.

“Until we see each other again”, the two men echoed your words simultaneously.

***

You had docked the rebel ship and were following the Ghost crew down the brightly lit hallways before turning a corner and coming to a stop. You knew before they parted to let you both pass who would be standing on the other side, you had felt her familiar force signature as soon as you had boarded.

Rex stepped forward first, walking toward the smiling togruta. “Commander”, he addressed his old friend. “You got old.”

Ahsoka chuckled. “Had to happen sometime Rex”, she replied. She looked hesitant for a moment before embracing him in a tight hug.

You watched the interaction between the two, smiling to yourself, realizing just how long it had been since you had seen your friend, it felt like ages now. As you were in this train of thought Ahsoka pulled back from the embrace and suddenly looked over his shoulder, something catching her eye. “(Y/N)”, she said, it almost came out as a sigh.

Ahsoka walked to you and pulled you into a tight embrace as well, which you happily returned. “Hey Ahsoka, it’s been a while”, you said with a laugh.

Releasing each other from the hug, you both looked at one another. “I think that’s a bit of an understatement”, she responded, giving a light laugh of her own before the two of you turned to Rex.

“We’re just glad you’re still alive”, he said to her. You put a hand on her shoulder, giving a confirming nod.

“You too”, she said, looking between you and Rex.

“Well, we wouldn’t be if it weren’t for these guys”, Rex stated, gesturing to the crew behind you.

“Thank you for trusting my friend”, Ahsoka said, seeming to direct her thanks mainly to Kanan, who was surprisingly much less angry than you last remember sensing.

“It wasn’t easy”, Kanan confessed to her, “It still isn’t.”

You and Rex shared a saddened glance and you silently wondered if Kanan would ever come around, but you also made the decision to try not and push the topic, not now at least.

“Nothing worth doing ever is”, Ahsoka told him, and with that you all walked to the command center, for a rebellion is not built on pleasantries.

***

After a brief discussion of the next course of action, you had been dismissed to settle in, and were led to the room that you and your husband would be sharing for the time being. Before you could even sit down there was a knock at the door and you were surprised to find it was Sabine, asking to borrow you for a little while. You had agreed, albeit a bit hesitantly, wondering what the young girl could possibly need you for, especially with that excited glint in her eye. You shrugged at your confused spouse before following her out of the room.

Awhile later you returned, quite pleased with the outcome of your little surprise endeavor with the Mandalorian girl, who was very happy with herself when all was said and done. You entered your shared quarters and stopped just after entering, letting the door slide shut behind you. This got Rex’s attention and he turned to you from where he was seated, his smile dropping as soon as he properly laid eyes on you, his features morphing into a look of shocked admiration, and quickly closed his mouth that had opened in a slight gape.

He blinked a few times before finally speaking. “Cyar’ika you look…”, he started to say, but found he couldn’t think of the proper word to articulate what he was thinking at the moment.

You smiled. “You like it”, you asked, bringing your hands up to touch your hair, which was now styled in a way that complemented the shape of your face perfectly and now sported dyed blue tips. Sabine had also given you a fresh pair of clothes that she thought would fit you nicely. They did fit, even though they were a bit tighter than you would’ve liked, and the cut on the long-sleeved top was a bit lower than you were used to, but it was still high enough for you to consider it conservative, well conservative enough. Although, with the way your husband was staring at you now, you were grateful for these aspects, seeing just how much he was appreciating the way the outfit hugged your curves by the way his eyes scanned you from head to foot.

He stood and walked the short distance to you, taking your hands in his. “Like it? I love it, you look absolutely stunning, downright delectable even”, he said with a wicked grin.

You smacked his chest lightly, shaking your head. “And here I thought I married and gentleman”, you said, not being able to hide the grin that was forming.

“Oh, you did, it’s just that you have this incredible talent of pushing me to my limit at times, especially when you come in looking like this”, he said, eyeing you up again.

You blushed under his gaze. “Well, at least I know I’ve still got it”, you said, giving him a playful smirk.

He suddenly pulled you to his chest, wrapping his arms around your waist to keep you secure against him, your faces only inches apart now. “Cyare, you never lost it”, he said cocking an eyebrow as he continued to grin at you, and with that you pulled him into a loving kiss, one that he quickly leaned into and deepened.

You pulled away after a bit to make eye contact once more. Rex released one of his arms from around you to bring his hand up to your hair, lightly playing with the tips between his fingers. “I like the hair too, always did think this color suited you.”

You gave a slight shrug. “You know me, always more than willing to support my boys in blue.”

You both shared a small laugh before catching each other’s lips in another kiss, this one a bit more tender than the last.

“So is this a bad time to talk about how I might be wishing we'd rethought our decision about not having kids”, he asked in a low voice once you two parted from the kiss.

You blinked, surprised by the sudden shift in topics. “Umm, alright, what brought this on”, you asked.

He looked to the hand that was still playing with your hair, not wanting to make direct eye contact as he spoke his next words. “Well, it's just that, seeing you with Ezra earlier today, it made me realize, you'd make a great mother, and I almost feel like we've missed out on something special, and this isn’t exactly the first time the thought has crossed my mind. I’ve always wondered if we were making the right call not having a child of our own, but you seemed happy with our life together and I didn’t want you to ever feel pressured, I wanted it to be your choice, I still do.”

“Rex are you trying to tell me you want to have children”, you asked.

“Maybe, but not if you don’t, I mean… do you”, he asked, a glimmer of hope in his eyes.

“Well, I won't say I've never thought about it, especially in the early years of our relationship. I'd often wonder what it would be like to have a little version of you running around."

“Or you”, he said with a smile.

You smile. “I guess it would be nice to have an addition to the family, and I'm sure the boys would make great uncles. Well, maybe with some supervision”, you say, chuckling out that last part.

“Really”, he asked, clearly a bit surprised by your response.

“Rex, I know I won't be able to keep you for as long as I'd like, I accepted that reality a long time ago”, you said, sliding your palm against his causing him to let go of the piece of hair he was still holding and intertwining your fingers with his, “but maybe if I have something of you left after, something we created together, then maybe I'll be able to continue on because I'll still be living for you, or at least a part of you." You were desperately trying to keep the tears you felt building behind your eyes from making their way out. You hated thinking about this, your husband’s shortened life span was never a topic you wanted to think about for too long, it was a reality you did not care to observe in your everyday life, but reality it was, and you knew someday you would have to face it. Just not today.

He pulled you closer with the arm still around your waist. “Oh Cyar'ika, I love you so much”, he said, kissing your forehead.

“And I love you, with all my heart.”

“So, we're really doing this then?”

You giggled at his noticeable excitement. “Yes, we're really doing this”, you confirmed. He then let go of your hand and cupped your cheek, pulling you into a kiss so full of love it nearly took the breath right out of you. You laughed once you managed to pull away again, trying to get your next thought out. “We can start trying when we have some time to ourselves.”

“We have time now”, he said, swiftly moving his hands to firmly grip your hips and pull you flush against him. Your senses left you for a second, heat rushing to your face and chest at the implication, before you were able to compose yourself.

You chuckled, coming back to your senses. “Actually, we don't. We've been asked to help pick the location for the rebel base. They figured since we were the ones to give the intel that we'd be able to find the safest place. I'm sure they've already started reviewing the list, so we'd better get going”, you said, a bit annoyed at the fact, there were much better things you could be doing, but you did promise to do whatever you could to help in this rebellion. Damn, why’d you always have to be the responsible one?

Rex broke you from your inner ramblings with another heated kiss that had you weak in the knees. “Alright fine, but tonight you're all mine”, he said against your lips.

“Deal. Now let's go, we're late”, you said, still smiling like a lovesick teenager and reluctantly pulling away from his embrace, which he did not want to make easy, but eventually gave in and released you.

As you made your way to the door, trying to compose yourself once again, he spoke. “Hopefully soon you'll be the one who’s late”, he said, taking you by surprise yet again.

You turned and raised an eyebrow at him and jokingly asked, “Okay, who are you, and where is the Rex I married?”

He laughed, coming to stand in front of you and leaning in slightly. “What can I say cyar’ika, you’ve made me bold”, he said, giving you a mischievous smile.

You shake your head and opened the door, taking him by the hand and leading him out into the corridor. “Alright, alright. Come on Stud, we have to go”, you said and began making your way to the bridge of the ship, “and save the dirty talk for tonight okay?” You grinned at him over your shoulder, continuing to pull him along.

He smiled and quickened his stride to walk alongside you, lacing his fingers with yours. “Yes Ma’am”, he responded softly.

You couldn’t seem to keep the smile off your face, for several reasons. The main two being that you knew you had quite the night ahead of you, thank the force for the private quarters, and you were thrilled at the idea of having Rex’s child. You weren’t sure what this new future would hold for the both of you, but you were ready to find out.

[gffa]

To answer this (and, as always, if anyone disagrees, that’s fine! when i speak with a strong meta voice that isn’t the same as getting mad if people see things differently!), I think it first helps to establish what the Force is, how it works, and what the light and the dark are, which is covered more thoroughly here, but basically:  balance is not an in between of light and dark, but instead that the light is the balance.  That we all have darkness within us and we must work to train ourselves away from it, to face it and let it go.  That is the Force according to Star Wars’ worldbuilding. This isn’t Jedi teachings (though, that is what they teach) but that George Lucas directly says, “Only way to overcome the dark side is through discipline.“  The characters are absolutely meant to overcome it, to be brought face to face with it and defeat it.  Not to never have it, not to never deal with it, but to choose the light again and again. This is why the Jedi younglings are taken to Ilum and shown their fears in the caves, this is why the Jedi Temple on Lothal shows Kanan and Ahsoka their fears, this is why Yoda talks to Ezra about the anger and fear he has in him and Ezra is willing to admit it and work on it, when Yoda says, oh, you might be a Jedi yet, this is why Yoda has to wrestle with and defeat his dark side in the immortal arc, this is why the Jedi teach their younglings in the creche that the dark side is part of them,  “[Qui-Gon] knew [the dark side] was a thing all beings carried within them, a part of himself he would learn to guard against—the crèche masters had taught him all that.“ I argue that even Mortis, which on the surface looks like “equal light and equal dark is balance” is more about trying to get Anakin to face the darkness within himself and defeat it, that the dark side will always be there, but he has to learn to acknowledge it before he can overcome it. So, having Anakin be the in between of the light and the dark is not balance.  I mean, that’s the role Bendu has in Rebels (immortal beings are not vulnerable to the same consequences of the dark side that mortals are--the story group has reiterated that mortals cannot use the dark side without consequence) and Bendu doesn’t bring balance, he sits on the sidelines and does nothing.  His last appearance is Kanan yelling at him that he’s doing jack all to help the galaxy, that he’s a coward for not actually doing anything.  The middle of the light and the dark has a role in the galaxy, but it’s not the balance or to the health of the galaxy in the way the light is. Further, we don’t really know much about the Guardians of the Whills.  In the canon, Qui-Gon learns about immortality from the Force Priestesses who do not appear to be the same thing as the Guardians of the Whills, we see Yoda’s journey with them which brings it back to--face the darkness within, overcome it, and then you can start on the path to immortality. So, what do we know about that path?  It requires overcoming the darkness within you, but it also requires (and word of god supports this, about how Anakin’s final moments were about selflessness) absolute selflessness, you have to be able to reach a place of caring completely about others--which is precisely what the ultimate light side is: “The core of the Force–I mean, you got the dark side, the light side, one is selfless, one is selfish, and you wanna keep them in balance. What happens when you go to the dark side is it goes out of balance and you get really selfish and you forget about everybody … because when you get selfish you get stuff, or you want stuff, and when you want stuff and you get stuff then you are afraid somebody is going to take it away from you, whether it’s a person or a thing or a particular pleasure or experience. [….]    “Only way to overcome the dark side is through discipline. The dark side is pleasure, biological and temporary and easy to achieve. The light side is joy, everlasting and difficult to achieve. A great challenge. Must overcome laziness, give up quick pleasures, and overcome fear which leads to hate.”  --George Lucas, The Clone Wars writers meeting “Not by the cave you were but by your mind. Lessons, you have learned. Find courage, you did. Hope, patience Trust, confidence, and selflessness.” --Yoda, “The Gathering” “The Jedi choose the light for all that it reveals.” --Jedi texts, Poe Dameron comics Ultimately, I think the Jedi were probably the best place for Anakin, their philosophies on the Force match him very well with George Lucas’ explanations of how the Force work, their teachings echo his beliefs on happiness vs joy, his beliefs on the best way to teach (and GL believes that education is THE most important issue, compared to how the Jedi are fundamentally teachers at their core, etc.) and because they weren’t just the most famous users of the Force, but they tended to be the strongest. We don’t really even know much about the Temple of Kyber, if the people there are Force-sensitive (I know, I hate it, too, but canon says Chirrut wasn’t Force-sensitive) and the Church of the Force definitely seemed to not be Force-Sensitive, if Lor San Tekka is anything to go by. Which is important because there is a very, very key difference between strong Force-sensitives and lower level Force-sensitives/non-Force-sensitives:  The Force literally works based on the emotion and mindset you put into it.  What you put into it is what you get back out of it. The Force is an echo chamber, it’s a sponge that absorbs all of that, it holds onto those feelings you’re pouring out of you when you use the Force with it, so if you’re a high level Force-sensitive and you’re pouring out anger into the Force, into your kyber crystal, into the very walls around you, as Kanan tells Sabine in Rebels, their thoughts and actions become part of the blade, then that is staying with you, it’s always whispering in your ear, it’s dragging you down into the dark side. For someone like Anakin, who has this connection to the Force that’s stronger than probably any Guardian could possibly understand, he would be hearing those whispers as increasingly loud shouts just because of the nature of the Force and his incredible connection to it.  He would have had an even harder time not being dragged down into the dark, he would have had a harder time overcoming it, if the teachings he received weren’t about letting all of that go as best he can, if he wasn’t being trained to overcome the dark. The whole way Force-sensitivity works is that it’s based on your mental health and that you have to get past the darkness within you to embrace being selfless, to embrace loving other people rather than your own desires and fears and possessiveness, and the stronger you are in the Force, the more that’s going to be screaming inside your head and you have to work even harder to choose the light because you’re going to hear everything so loudly.  And the Jedi understood that, but, as GL said, “[everything changes], which is a basic Jedi philosophy that he isn’t willing to accept emotionally”. Anakin’s problem isn’t the light isn’t enough, it’s that he didn’t want to accept that things change, he didn’t want to accept when he needed to be able to let go, rather than burning the galaxy down because of his own fears and desire to hold onto something even when it was time to let go. The Jedi were the best place for someone like Anakin, even GL says, “If he’d have been taken in his first year and started to study to be a Jedi, he wouldn’t have this particular connection as strong as it is and he’d have been trained to love people but not to become attached to them. “ --George Lucas, Attack of the Clones commentary which says that the Jedi methods are actually pretty in line with How The Force Works.

[tessaliagrey]

So, since it’s now apparently established that you can only unite Mandalore when you gain the Darksaber through combat, we have a slight conundrum, don’t we?

I mean, what do we actually know:

The Darksaber was built by Tarre Vizsla, the first Mandalorian to ever be inducted into the Jedi Order (Attention at the wording: “the first”, not “the only”)

After his death, other members of Clan Vizsla “liberated” it from the temple (again, the wording seems kind of important maybe?)

They used the Darksaber to gain control over Mandalore and presumably ruled for several generations. In which case, it seems to be more of an heirloom tied to that Clan and thus became a symbol of power. If the Vizslas continuously killed each other to gain possession? We don’t know.

The last Vizsla to have the Saber was Pre Vizsla as head of Death Watch. We assume he got it of one of his predecessors. Though how? No idea... (Then again, I haven’t read “Son of Dathomir” and related works, so feel free to give further information if you have any!)

Pre Vizsla leads Death Watch into an unholy allience with Maul, who - after Death Watch successfully takes over Mandalore - challenges Vizsla to single combat to determine who will rule Mandalore according to ancient law and custom. Vizsla accepts, loses, and gets beheaded. Maul is accepted as ruler by part of Death Watch. Others under Bo-Katan’s lead don’t accept him (”No outsider will ever rule Mandalore!”) and flee. The people in Mandalore’s capital Sundari seem to have no real problem with a Sabrak as head of state... It is the first time we actually hear that ruling Mandalore and the possession Darksaber are tied together in general and not just an heirloom passed down through the ages. Well, acutally, that’s not quite acurate! We learn that by ancient law and custom, you become the ruler if you kill the old one. No one ever mentions that you necessarily need the Darksaber.

We do not see the Darksaber during the Siege of Mandalore arc! I guess we can assume that Maul already kept it on Dathomir. And the Siege of Mandalore is a group effort. It is lead by Bo-Katan, but it’s Ahsoka who fights Maul. So, who did he acutally lose to? Anyway, Bo is made regent, which seems to be generally accepted for now. Ahsoka leaves Mandalore.

The next time we get to see the Darksaber is when Sabine, Ezra and Kanan kind of accidently stumble across it on Dathomir. Sabine knows what it is (duh, Clan Wren belongs to House Vizsla) but refuses to have anything to do with it. Long story short (watch Rebels if you want/need more info), in the end, she does learn who to fight with it and returns to her home planet Krownest (in the Mandalore Sector) and to her family’s stronghold. Her mother Ursa Wren (former Death Watch member and friend of Bo-Katan) on the other hand, hands the Saber over to Gar Saxon (Imperial vice-roy of Mandalore) for several reasons. Sabine defeats Saxon in single combat (but doesn’t kill him) and regains the Darksaber. It is Ursa who kills Saxon in the end. There are seveal people who deem Sabine worthy to rule Mandalore, including the last Protector Fenn Rau. But Sabine says she is no ruler, but vows to find the person who is.

A lot of stuff happens, and the next time we get to see the Darksaber is when the Ghost crew helps Sabine and her clan in freeing Sabine’s father. As usual, that doesn’t work out as planned, but help unexpectedly arrives in the shape of Bo-Katan and other members of Clan Kryze. Clan Kryze seems to have been in opposition to the Imperial occupation of Mandalore the whole time. Sabine wants to give Bo the Darksaber immediately, saying that Bo’s “commitment to Mandalore’s freedom is legendary”. Bo refuses; certain that she is not the leader Mandalore needs. Only later, when several clans and the Protectors swear their allegience to Bo (whithout her having the Saber at all!), she accepts it from Sabine.

Some time before that, Maul finds Obi-Wan on Tatooine. They dual, Obi-Wan wins, Maul dies.

And after that...we know basically nothing, only that that apparently didn’t work out, Gideon gets the Darksaber, and we are still on a seemingly endless quest for who gets to rule Mandalore (former dustball and now apparently even more uninhabitable. “Turned to glass”, Boba says.)

And then we have Din Djarin, who kind of accidently takes the Saber off of Gideon without any idea what he did by doing that...

So, who could technically rule Mandalore now? It’s a mess, folks...

If you tie it to possession of the Darksaber and that it was won during single combat:

Din

Sabine (wherever she is, if she’s still alive...)

If you have to kill its previous owner:

Obi-Wan (who is dead, killed by Vader, who is also dead...)

If people think you are worthy of ruling Mandalore regardless if you have managed to aquire a black sparkling blade one way or the other:

... Like, no one... 

Are you as confused as I am? Great! Your move, Filoni...

[starwarsshippings]

GUYS i had the best Rebels dreams ever i woke up drenched in sweat it was that awesome

I dreamt it was the Rebels finale and it was all condensed down into 1 hour. The team were all getting ready to go into battle. Kanan was the first to die, he got two swords in the back. Then Hera went out onto the battle field and she got a sword in the back of her head. It was just Ezra, Sabine, Zeb and Kallus and Rex now. They kept marching on. 

Suddenly Ezra became possessed when talking with Sabine and he held up two guns at her, she was scared so she held up her guns back at him, Ezra was saying he has to do this and Sabine was trying to convince him not to. In the end they both put down their guns and regained their trust for eachother and were watching eachother’s back’s. 

Kanan and Hera had an alternate death ending. They were chilling out in a quiet area while everyone else was preparing for war. For some reason Hera was playing with Kanan’s lightsaber, she was really nervous about it and then she accidentally ignited it straight into Kanan’s chest. Water was spilling out from the hole she had left. Hera screamed and she felt so guilty, she raised her hand and told Kanan he can have payback. She had 2 pins stuck in her hand and he twisted them and blood went everywhere. They both laid down on the ground dying, as the kids and the rest of the team went to war. (though Kanan and Hera were still barely alive and the kids just told them to get up and stop playing around lmao) 

The team when marching on without Kanan and Hera. They were at this old Jedi mountain sight place and it had flooded with water, people were trying to drag the city near the mountain under. They fought and only Ezra, Sabine, Zeb, Kallus, Rex a few others were left. They were all at the mountain drying off when Sabine turned to Ezra to confess her feelings for him, they almost kissed when they decided not to.

Then we look down at the ground and we see old Luke and Rey walking down on the path at the base of the mountain, Rey turns to Luke and asks if he will be her adopted dad, Luke grumbles something but Rey was already clinging onto him lol. Luke makes it up the mountain and he turns into a force ghost and becomes one with one of the huge rock sculptures there. He was the protector of the mountain.  

AND THAT WAS IT!!! it was so freaking epic and badass i want this to be a movie or something!!

[izzyovercoffee]

So, I might be severely overthinking this, but the fact Sabine seems to be using the darksaber in full-power mode even when sparring (since the colour and sound is the same, and Kanan's using his saber on full power against it) seems to imply it doesn't have a training blade mode? If so, do you think it was always like this, or if some idiot for clan Viszla got rid of the low power mode for symbolic purposes? Or does this say something about Tarre Viszla? Sorry if this isn't coherent.

I’m gonna be honest — I don’t have a particularly good excuse for how long it took me to get to this question. If it helps, I’ve been thinking about it on and off very seriously for … well, a while, and I feel like there’s multiple answers, or many layers to the answer, for this question—all kind of contingent on how you understand lightsabers and lightsaber construction, and mandalorian ethos.

Ultimately, I put forward the idea that it says something about Tar(re) Vizsla — something, specifically about who he is as a person, and how he had to navigate two worlds at once (the Jedi, and the Mandalorians) — and how even though he did, arguably, successfully navigate both worlds, he was still very firmly a mandalorian just as much as he was Jedi.

We’ll start first with lightsabers, and move on to mandalorian ethos.

Lightsabers and Training Blades

So, as it was often written in the companion novels for the Prequel Trilogy, lightsabers come in multiple … intensities. They have a low-power setting and a high-power setting, and some, but not all, lightsabers also have a training setting.

That is, a blade that is intense enough to deliver soft-to-very-serious burns, but not intense enough to cut through skin. Generally, younglings in the temple were given training sabers to use during martial training. 

It’s been a while since I’ve seen The Clone Wars in its entirety, but from what I remember that was, generally, the same thing.

And, also, that is the main reason why building your own personal saber is part of the official process / ritual of entering into the role of padawan. Like other cultures coming-of-age rites, this rite of passage is meant to illustrate a grasp of different routes of education in what’s considered essential to a Jedi (a grasp of electronics, engineering, and careful control of the Force and following the Force’s guidance). 

The practical portion of this ritual of creating a personal lightsaber, however, is that the training saber can be returned to the temple—and, also, that a training saber that cannot cut is of little to no use to a Jedi, padawan or otherwise. 

Ultimately, as I’ve understood it, once a person enters padawan-ship, there’s an implicit acknowledgment that an individual is old enough, or mature enough, to be allowed to handle a weapon that can cause serious injury (or death). 

Of course, that doesn’t mean lightsabers with training settings might not exist—they might. But the creation of the lightsaber is a rite of passage in and of itself.

Which leads me to the next part.

Mandalorian Ethos

Now, as we understand Tar Vizsla, and as he’s been spoken about in canon and companion materials, the fact is that Tar Vizsla was both a mandalorian and a jedi. And that his lightsaber construction involved both his experiences as a Jedi, and his heritage as a mandalorian. 

“…. it is a different kind of sword. It’s not that it’s necessarily more powerful than any other lightsaber — in fact, you can make a strong argument that it’s not. It’s an old, old, old lightsaber. For all I know, it has limitations. It’s obviously not a style that’s been replicated, and you can imagine that’s because Tar Vizsla understood something and added a Mandalorian twist to it that no one’s been able to replicate since. It’s a flat blade of energy, which is bizarre.”

—Dave Filoni, in an interview about SW Rebels, Season Three

This has been pretty much, more-or-less, confirmed in the above quote of course, but I do want to address it.

I’ve spoken at length about how Tar’s mandalorian cultural heritage affected the color of the blade, and that likely is the very reason why it’s the first and last lightsaber created with a black blade — as the color of the saber itself is deeply affected by the person who wielded the blade, and it’s very first activation determines the blades’ color.

The only black lightsaber created by the only (or the first of very, very few) mandalorian jedi, is not an accident — as black, to mandalorians, is the color of justice. But also, like the color itself, the blade of the darksaber is unique in its shape: flat, tapered to a point, shaped more like an actual katana than any other lightsaber in existence. 

But another thing I haven’t touched on is what’s said during that training episode with Sabine, and what Kanan says as well. It is the connection between the crystal and the wielder of the saber that also effects its strength. 

The darksaber drew on Sabine, just as Sabine drew on the saber. There’s a give and a take, a flow of energy, between them in combat. 

That is part of the reason why “only” Force users can “really” wield lightsabers efficiently. And, that is partly where the strength, or the intensity, of the saber comes from. 

And Mandalorian ethos comes in here, in that the approach to weapons that the Jedi take (especially to their own weapon) as compared to mandalorians is very, very different — and that matters, I think. Especially when it comes to the darksaber.

Jedi, when they view their lightsabers, they call it a “tool,” as opposed to a weapon. By referring to it, seeing it, naming it a tool, it’s meant to represent that Jedi are not martial, or violent, by nature. Whether that actually has any weight, I’ll leave for another discussion.

Mandalorians, contrary to Jedi, don’t look at knives, or swords, or blades, and refer to them as tools — they name them for what they are: weapons. Knives, blades, swords, and so on. 

The difference between the two is that there’s a very healthy respect for the danger and the weight of that danger inherent in carrying a weapon — as opposed to an outright denial of danger in calling the lightsaber a tool, and thus a lack of acknowledgement (or a lack of respect) for its alternative purpose.

This isn’t to say that Jedi don’t have sense or respect for the danger of a lightsaber, but if they cannot name a lightsaber as a weapon even when one of its main uses is as a weapon, however defensively and non-lethally, then there’s an entirely different understanding of what one wants a lightsaber to be, and how one views themselves and the power they wield as a person who wields not just a lightsaber but also the Force.

And Tar … comes from a Mandalorian heritage. In much the same way that his heritage defines the color of the blade, and the shape of the blade of energy as much as its handle, so does it define how the darksaber defines itself as its core. A sword is a tool, but a sword is first and foremost a weapon, and one cannot wield a sword safely without first understanding that it is a weapon—and that no attempt to distract away from its nature will ever change what it truly is.

And so, if it were even possible for some lightsabers to be toned down from high to low to training intensity, the darksaber, itself, cannot be — can never be.

Because Tar saw what the Jedi could not accept when he called on his heritage, what he understood intimately from mandalorian forging, and mandalorian bladework, and that he brought forward in the forging of the darksaber—in the forging of the first and last saber of its kind.

Tar understood that the most important possession of the Jedi was first and foremost a weapon before it was a tool; and it was because of that understanding that the darksaber could not be toned down in intensity. 

And if you watch the scene where Sabine is training with Kanan closely, as she becomes more heated, more passionate, more emotional, her connection with the darksaber improves, and she fights stronger, better, faster. 

I just want to firmly draw a line here and say that I am not implying that mandalorians are inherently darksided—rather, in the culture, in the people, attachment is something that holds the highest priority. Connections with family, friends, loved ones—connections with one’s self and one’s emotions. I just want to not-so-gently suggest that Tar’s saber is better attuned to someone who comes from a mandalorian background, than someone who does not. 

Yes, anyone can potentially use the darksaber, but it’s not meant to be used by just anyone, and it cannot be used to its fullest potential by just anyone.

[tarisilmarwen]

Rebels Rewatch: “Brothers of the Broken Horn”

Hooooooondoooooooooooooo! :D

When we open we see that Phoenix Cell has temporarily taken to port at Garel.

Which is looking as lovely as ever.

We pan down with a pleasant musical cue to see that Rex has set Ezra up with some blaster training, enlisting Chopper as a moving target.

Ezra’s already clearly frustrated and grows moreso when Kanan shows up and tells him he’s missing a Jedi training session.  His discouraged, “What if I don’t want to be either [a soldier or a Jedi]?” surprises Rex but alarms Kanan, who knows how desperately Ezra wants to be a Jedi in normal circumstances.

Neither man can figure out the reason why Ezra’s upset though (really guys? y’all be dense), and they’re interrupted by Sabine calling them in for a briefing.

The mission is honestly a little bit incidental to the plot, only really there to establish the MacGuffin that people will be wrestling over trying to possess this episode.  Ezra doesn’t get to participate as now Hera is on him also, to scrub the Phantom.

So many “teenager whines about chores to parents” vibes in this scene, especially when Hera chides Chopper for laughing about it and makes him help too lol.

Ezra is understandably feeling overwhelmed by the myriad pressures that are colliding over him right now, complaining to Chopper about it.  Kanan and Rex are pulling him in opposite directions and fighting with each other over it every step of the way, and this has made him discouraged, unsure of his path forward, and missing the simplicity of his life before the Ghost, as rough as it was.

So of course he jumps at the opportunity to distract himself from everything when Chopper picks up a distress signal from Vizago’s ship.

Borrowing Mom’s van to make a wellness check on your old criminal fencing friends lol.

Yes, this is super irresponsible and dangerous but also Ezra really needed this little day trip to clear his head and remind himself how much he’s changed from the kind of person who would’ve jumped at Hondo’s offer.

So this episode is mostly character building/character renewal for Ezra and also a Friendship Fetch Quest that nets us Hondo Ohnaka.  After Rex, he’s one of the most important allies we gain this season.

But I’m getting a little ahead of myself.  Back to Ezra doing things that absolutely got him grounded after this episode. XD

(Lol at Ezra’s defensive little, “I know how to fly.” towards Chopper, immediately belied by him scraping the Phantom on its hooks.)

Garel be pretty, what can I say?

Hilarious that the ship got stuck in Garel airspace, I have to assume Hondo and Vizago met with their, ah, “disagreement” literally almost as soon as they took off lolol.

Fyrnock cue coming back here, I guess we’re using it as shorthand for uncertain perilous situations now.

The similarities to the previous episode in the creepy seemingly abandoned nature of the ship I’m going to assume were deliberate in order to catch us off guard when it was all subverted and Hondo was introduced, instead of some horrible danger.

And yeah, Hondo is a bit “defanged” from his Clone Wars incarnation but I think it kinda fits, you know, the all-consuming overwhelming evil of the Empire is such that mundane run-of-the-mill pirates and criminal overlords are simply just not as frightening or dangerous anymore.  The Empire ruins everything, even the lives of outliers who used to just fly under the radar.

Ezra keeps darting glances at Hondo’s arm around his shoulder like he’s not entirely comfortable with it being there, lol.

I mentioned that Ezra’s mechanical skills sort of fall by the wayside as he grows into his role as Jedi so it’s nice that he gets to use them here.

“This was such a bad idea, Hera’s going to kill me when if I get back.”

Ah man, Ezra continues to have just such a look of regretting all of the decisions that led him to this point, poor bby.

He slips pretty naturally back into his street orphan trickster/swindler/pickpocket persona though, smoothly bargaining with Hondo to distract from his swiping the sentry droid control.

Frynock cue transmuted to strings instead of brass as we descend.

Nice to see a moon that looks like an actual moon.  This is a pretty unique location and I’m glad we get to visit it again later in the season.

Ezra planning ahead for trouble because he remembers how this kind of thing can easily go down, kind of a subtle hint at how familiar he is with the workings of the criminal underground.

And it’s a good thing he did because it’s Azmorigan that we’re meeting.  Love Ezra’s immediate look of, “Ah hell.” and hiding his face.

“I don’t deal with washed-up old relics!” “Come now, let’s leave your wife out of this.” PFFFKJHGKH HONDO PLZ.

This brief comedic exchange actually kind of gives some insight into Hondo’s changed circumstances.  The current criminal overlords consider him outdated, washed up, from a bygone era, an old fool desperately clinging to relevance.  It fits because Hondo is a bit of a classic romantic at heart, fond of what we would call “swashbuckling adventure”.  It’s the reason he loves the Jedi and thinks back on them wistfully and nostalgically, they represent the kind of dramatic tales and bold feats of a golden era full of opportunity for reward and glory.  But there’s no more room for that kind of frivolous excitement under the iron oppressive hand of the Empire, you adapt or you die out, and Hondo refuses to do either.

...Right, now that I’ve given myself feels over a comedic side character let’s move on.

The light woodwind ditties in the soundtrack belie the actual tension of this scene, especially when Ezra has his helmet pulled off.  (The cadet helmet he had Sabine paint for him, which he keeps retreating into when he feels unsafe in this episode, the biased shipper in me would like to point out.)

You can practically hear the string of curses inside his head as he tries to hide his face here.

No dice, Azmorigan recognizes him, cue Big Damn Heroes moment from the orange tin can murderhobo himself and a decent little action setpiece.  What I’m most impressed with/interested in in this sequence is Ezra himself, how he moves with such skill and finesse.

Also catch me crying remembering when he was tiny enough to hop over his own bound hands like a jumprope.  I don’t think that trick would work as well post growth spurt.

An impulsive and genuinely selfless move from Hondo as he pushes Ezra out of the way of the cargo ladder Azmorigan sent rolling at him.  And this is before he knows Ezra’s a Jedi so Hondo really basically just took one look at this kid and decided he’d die for him.  Which, you know, valid.

This droid is a menace lol.

Ezra takes a risk by using his Force abilities.  Fortunately Azmorigan is too busy fleeing for his life from Chopper to see, and Hondo loves Jedi.  (See again: classic romanticist at heart.)

“You must have many responsibilities.”  “Yeah.  Too many at the moment.”

This kid. :((((  He’s under such pressure.

Ezra’s little “Wait a minute.” side look here lol.

And he continues not to enjoy Hondo’s affection ha ha.

It’s cute but also my brain is wandering to the fridge on this one because:

A) Ezra is now comfortable with all the casual touches and gestures of physical affection from the Ghost crew, which mirrors how he’s found a new home with them and no longer belongs in Hondo’s world.

And B) given the events of last episode it’s not surprising Ezra is a bit touchy about weird strangers violating his personal boundaries.

“Maybe I would make a pretty good pirate.  Inquisitors don’t hunt them do they?”  Honey you are Force Sensitive and already on their radar, hanging out with Hondo would only hide you for so long.

(Yet another thing that’s apparently been on his mind and adding to his anxieties.  In light of that his initial refusal to help Vizago makes more sense, the kid has so much on his plate already and just does not want to deal with anything else.)

Lol Ezra talking to Vizago like Vizago’s a problem child he’s babysitting.

Right, this whole scene right here is why I don’t do stories with casts of morally gray protagonists, the constant backstabbing and side-switching are exhausting.

Look, even Ezra’s exhausted.  Poor kid needs a nap he looks so tired.

Fortunately for Ezra, Chopper has his back, having put the Phantom on autopilot beforehand.  So he winds up not losing the Phantom (this time) and actually accomplishing the mission without really trying.

I do wanna see that missing scene where the Phantom returns to the Ghost and Hera’s all ready to let Ezra have it and then this weird Weequay pops out lolol.

They look so proud, like, “Awww that’s our little gremlin child.”

Aaaaand this little heartwarming look from Hondo is getting to me a bit this time around.

He’s so fond of Ezra ajkhaksfjfh.

Hera’s taking the whole “running off with the Phantom instead of doing his chores” thing remarkably well all things considered.  I guess it helps that he lucked into finding some generators.

There is no reason for this shot to be this pretty this is just a hanger.

*sobbing forever about how Hondo functions as narrative foil for how Ezra could have turned out if not for his Found Family and how that’s acknowledged in-text*

SEE PREVIOUS OBSERVATION ABOUT HOW EZRA IS USED TO AND COMFORTABLE WITH CASUAL AFFECTIONATE TOUCHING FROM HIS FAMILY.

I caught a lot of unexpected feels rewatching this episode, I’ve always liked it for being a fun Ezra-focused episode but I’m seeing just how it fits neatly into his character journey.  Things got hairy last episode, the stressors and pressure points (Rex and Kanan’s bickering) continue to increase and he got understandably overwhelmed.

The growing pains in his self-identity, questioning whether or not he even wants to be a Jedi at this point, just to get granted a glimpse of what his life might have looked like if he had continued on that self-serving path and realizing how much he’s changed... aaaaaaah I love it!

Another successful Friendship Fetch Quest accomplished.

[arwenkenobi48]

Love Thy Enemy ~Chapter 8~

Third time’s a charm <3 I’d grab the tissues if I were you.

Ezra’s P.O.V.

This really wasn’t what I’d been expecting. Maul and I were the only living people on this lifeless planet and we were about to perform a potentially dangerous ritual. All at once, I suddenly felt extremely unsafe. The walk through the dark - with the only sound being our own footsteps - seemed to take forever and I was immensely relieved to see small speckles of light up ahead.

These turned out to be burning torches. In the room we entered, I saw that these torches were arranged in formation around some kind of stone altar. Directly ahead of us was a narrow doorway, from which a faint golden light was coming. Not knowing what to say and feeling too afraid to run, I simply followed Maul.

After what seemed like years, we finally entered through the doorway. We were standing in a small hut filled with melting candles and all sorts of weird bric-a-brac. I even saw a word written in a language I didn’t know on one of the walls. I wasn’t sure that word had been written in ink. Maul finally broke the silence. “I have gathered many things,” he said. “Secrets to help us restore our memories.”

Thinking out loud, I murmured: “Look at all this junk.” Maul glared at me with surprising ferocity. “Do not touch anything,” he warned. “These are artefacts from my past. From a time when my power was almost absolute.” He knelt beside a strange golden orb, which was surrounded by a shrine of candles, as he said this, gazing at it fondly. Curiosity replaced my fear and I took an opportunity to explore Maul’s refuge. The first thing my eyes settled on was a rather haunting painting. Like everything else, it was surrounded by candles, which had all but melted into a pool of wax.

The painted woman, dressed in blue, had a kind of sad beauty about her. What disturbed me, however, was the dark stain that looked like blood across her eyes and chest. At the foot of the painting was an object that resembled a lightsaber, surrounded once more by candles. I reached out to touch it, questions racing through my mind. “GET AWAY FROM THERE!” Maul’s voice almost gave me a heart attack. I jumped an inch in the air and turned quickly around to see him standing right behind me, a look of relief on his face (much to my surprise).

“Is that a lightsaber?” I asked, once I had recovered from my initial shock. “Indeed,” said Maul, who was carrying a pair of old goblets. “But not like any that you would know. If your Mandalorian friend was here,” - here, he uttered a knowing smirk - “She could explain it to you,” He smirked again and handed me one of the goblets, once again giving me that proud smile. There’s something going on now, I’m sure of it. Maul’s never been this emotional before. All the same, I know how that feels. I can tell that just being here is a huge burden for him. Poor man.

Maul’s P.O.V.

I lead Ezra back to the altar, where I explained what my plan was. “I have studied the ways of the Nightsisters and found a spell that suits our needs,” I said. “This altar is the focus of their ancient power.” Taking a tall vessel and pouring its contents into the two goblets, I continued. “Now, to initiate the merge, we must each drink this potion,” I handed Ezra a goblet. “Errr, you first,” he shivered, understandably nervous. Clinking my glass against his, I quickly drank the potion.

I could already feel it beginning to work inside me. “To complete the spell,” I told Ezra, who had been watching me the whole time. “You must drink it all, just like me. All of it,” Ezra did this. I could feel the power coursing through my veins. My hearts pounded in my chest and my ears began ringing. “It’s...it’s working!” I gasped, clasping my hands over my eyes. It felt almost exactly like the fusion of the two Holocrons; that rushing sensation, the overwhelming blend of sights and sounds. And above me, a shimmering light.

I could just about see Ezra’s silhouette as we both gazed into the light. It was now or never. “Where is he!?” I called in desperation. The bright light before me changed. Now I could see a planet rushing towards me. A desert planet with twin suns. I seemed to fly across the desert sands and stopped above a small rocky outcrop, where I saw him once again. But this time, there was someone else beside him. It was Ezra. “I see. I understand.” I said out loud.

Within a split second, it was over. A loud bang like a thunderclap, followed by a blinding flash, and Ezra and I were back on Dathomir, utterly shaken by our experience. “Of course,” I murmured, gasping for breath. “It ends where it began. A desert planet with twin suns.” “He’s alive!” Gasped Ezra. “I can’t believe he’s alive!”

As we both got back on our feet, however, I heard a noise which made my blood run cold. The sound of whispering voices. The fires went out and we were plunged into darkness. “It is time to pay our debt,” I whispered in horror. With a crash, the goblets toppled over. “What’s happening!?” Asked Ezra, terrified. As the altar began glowing and pouring green mist, we both backed away.

Two screaming ghosts emerged from it, swarming around us like predatory birds. “What is that!?” Ezra screamed. Equally terrified, I shrieked: “Oh! The spirits of the Nightsisters! They must be compensated for the use of their Magick!” “So pay them and let’s get out of here!” Ezra begged as one of the ghosts tried to grab him. “The price is our flesh and blood!” I yelled. “Don’t let them touch you!” He narrowly avoided one as it swiped at his head.

All of a sudden, my need to protect Ezra became greater than my fear. “Wait! Sisters, do not touch him!” I begged. “Take my flesh! I am yours!” Maul!” Ezra shouted. “Don’t do it!” I don’t care! Even if it costs me my life, if that’s what it takes to protect Ezra, so be it! But to my horror, the sisters just kept repeating over and over again: “Not enough! Not enough! Not enough!” Over their screeching, I heard a familiar voice from below. “EZRA!” It was Kanan Jarrus himself!” What is he doing here!? Oh, Force, this may cost us our lives!

Ezra’s P.O.V.

I turned around and saw both Kanan and Sabine standing there. At first I was furious that Kanan hadn’t trusted me as he’d said, but that quickly turned to fear of him and Sabine being killed...or worse. “Kanan! Sabine! Stay back!” I shouted. But it was too late. Sabine ran forward, blasters at the ready. What happened next felt like some sort of nightmare. Kanan and Sabine both screamed as the ghosts went inside them. They just seemed to...merge. It made me feel sick to my stomach. It was all I could do to stop myself from throwing up. Kanan...Sabine...This is all my fault! Have I lost you both?

An eternal moment passed. Then the true nightmare began. Kanan and Sabine both stood up, as if they were puppets on strings. “Ezra? Stay back,” Cautioned Maul, who sounded as horrified as me. I slowly approached my friends. “Kanan? Sabine?” And then it happened. Kanan removed his mask and his eyes were glowing with a nauseating green light. As I watched, Sabine also bore the same light in her eyes. They were both possessed. And it was all because of Maul and me.

Kanan drew out his lightsaber and attacked Maul. Sabine drew out her blasters began firing at me. I quickly blocked the shots with my lightsaber. “Sabine? It’s me, Ezra!” Maul was still locked in the duel with Kanan. “You’d better not hurt him!” I called in desperation. “We cannot defeat the spirits of the Nightsisters!” He shouted back. “Follow me!” With that, we ran for our lives. Only sheer terror kept me going. “Faster!” Called Maul. “We must reach the entrance!” I ran as though death itself followed me.

Once we were outside, however, I noticed something. Neither Kanan nor Sabine were following us. Instead, they were prowling in the shadows. “Wait, why aren’t they coming after us?” I asked, still overwhelmed with fear and confusion. “The altar is the source of their power,” Maul explained. “They cannot venture beyond the cave. It is unfortunate about your friends, Ezra. But this, this is your opportunity to embrace your destiny as my apprentice.”

Maul placed his hand on my shoulder again. Rage surged through me. I still regret what I said. But I was so angry and upset about Kanan and Sabine that I didn’t care. I completely lost it. I pushed Maul away. “I told you, that is never going to happen!” I shouted. I regretted the words as soon as they’d left my mouth and turned away, tears running down my cheeks. Now it was Maul who shouted. “Forget the past! Forget your memories! Forget your attachments!” His voice quaked with emotion as he pleaded.

“Ezra, our futures converge on a planet with two suns. We can walk that path together! As friends! As brothers.” My heart ached again. Through sheer force of will I found sympathy for him, but I knew that abandoning my family was out of the question. I made an attempt to reach out for Maul again. “My friends are trapped in there because of us!” I insisted. “I can’t just leave them!” Maul didn’t understand and my heart broke at his response.

Maul’s P.O.V.

Tears welling up in my eyes, I stared at Ezra in horror and disbelief. Why has he turned against me? What have I done wrong? Am I still not good enough? Why can’t he see he doesn’t need them? Apprentice, brother, why? I only just managed to force the words out as I turned to leave. I can’t stay here any longer! “You disappoint me, Ezra Bridger.” I was unable to stifle a sob as I ran into my ship. I waited until it had left Dathomir, before the pain in my hearts was so great, I had to bend over to stop it. I sank to the floor, beating my fist against the wall, crying uncontrollably. I felt so sad that for a few minutes, I didn’t want to get up again.

To be continued...

[darthcool]

Deep Cuts Pt. 2

Sabine's blood was staining Ezra's clothes by the time he got her back to the Ghost. She had gone unconscious in his arms, which made her surprisingly heavier. Zeb grabbed her and they took her to the Med-Bay. Hera took off and ran to see what happened. When she saw the blood she almost fainted. "Oh gods. What happened?" Ezra ripped off his shirt and used it to compress the cut. "She got stabbed! Someone get some water to wash the blood away!!" Kanan touched Sabine's forehead and concentrated. After a few seconds, he sighed and shook his head. "She's going into shock. We have to get her professional help fast." Hera grabbed Ezra's shoulder and tried to move him away. "Let me stitch her up." The Padawan jerked from the Twi'lek's grip, tears streaming down his face. "No!!! I'm not leaving her!!! She got hurt on my watch, and she'll get better on my watch!!!" Hera grabbed both of his arms and shook him. "I understand, Ezra, but you need to let me help her!!! She'll die much quicker if I don't patch her up!!!! Do you want that?!?!" Ezra wiped his eyes and replied, "No." Hera gave her surrogate son a quick hug and said, "I'll make sure she's okay. I promise." Kanan took Ezra by the shoulder and led him out of the room, while Hera put on gloves and a surgical mask. Ezra sat in the nose gun, waiting. The trip from Garel to Yavin, which wasn't that long, felt like an eternity. When they landed, Hera called for everyone to help get Sabine to the Massassi base's infirmary. Ezra laid her on the gurney as the medics brought her in for further surgery. The crew was allowed to sit outside and wait while the doctors worked. Ezra didn't even realize that he had never put a new shirt on, and he sat there bare-chested, with some of Sabine's dried blood on his stomach. The smell of copper was dominating the Padawan's nostrils, and it made him sick to the point where he ran to the nearest refresher and vomited. About an hour later, the doctor said that Sabine would recover, but there was some bad news. "What is it?", Hera asked, the whole crew's worry in her voice. The doctor tapped her datapad and let out a sigh. "I'm afraid the blood loss has substantially affected Miss Wren. The stab severed some nerves that connected her upper body muscles to her lower body. I'm afraid she may......" Ezra tapped his foot quickly, practically begging the doctor to finish. "She may never walk again." Upon hearing those words, Ezra collapsed to the floor. The doctor shook her head, understanding the young man's pain. "I'm sorry. Miss Wren will be awake in a few hours if you want to visit her." Hera thanked the doctor for trying before helping Ezra up. "Shhh. It's okay, Ezra. It's okay." He shook himself free of her grip again. "No, Hera!!! It isn't okay!!! Sabine almost died because of me!!!! It seems like things go right for a while, and then I nearly get you guys killed!!! Kanan being blinded, Ashoka being gone, you guys getting captured by Maul, Kanan and Sabine being possessed on Dathomir, all my fault!!!! Sabine got hurt because I was too weak and powerless to stop a simple goddamn electric net!!!!" He stormed off, leaving the others in shock.

[gunplanoe]

Kanan : Oh, sand, came through the mask.

Real “Space Family” was born  –  We often call them “Space Family”. I like it, but how about you, Ezra?

His motivation in this season is “I will never let my friends get hurt again!” (I‘ve heard this phrase on YouTube again and again). Who hurt his friends? Maul. He hurt Kanan.

What did he wish to the Holocrons? His desire is “I want to destroy the Sith!” Who is the Sith? Darth Vader. He hurt Ahsoka.

Vader is absent to be seen on Rogue One. So let’s talk about Maul. Every time Maul appeared, he hurt Ezra’s friends. He almost killed all of them (“the Holocrons of Fate”), threatened to reveal the location of the base (“Visions and Voices”).

Ezra tried to deal with Maul all by himself. He connected with the Sith Holocron, stepped into spider’s cave, followed to Dathomir, flew to Tatooine. He wanted to be alone not to involve his friends.

But they never let him alone, sometimes they risked their lives, Kanan and Sabine were possessed their body, Chopper malfunctioned in the middle of the desert. When Chopper stopped his motion, Ezra knew it. He wanted to protect his friends, but it was him who supported by his family.

Obi-Wan said : “What you need, you already have. Unfortunately, you seem to be letting it all go.” Ezra had already known what he meant, and got on the way to home.

Pig-Pen × Ezra

[prepare4trouble]

Star Wars Rebels fanfic - Background Noise

It feels odd to be posting this today, the time between writing and posting this one is much less than normal.  I mean, I have stuff for this AU that I wrote months ago and am still chipping away at, making little changes and tweaks.  This one, I wrote most of it the day before yesterday.  Hopefully you’ll like it anyway! :-)

Part of the Little By Little AU

Kanan was seated in the middle of his bed, wearing sleepwear that consisted of a loose-fitting pair of pants, and a shirt that looked as though it had seen better days.  He untwisted the band that held his hair in place.  It fell loose around his shoulders, a kink near the nape of his neck where it had been held in place all day.

Ezra clambered up the ladder to the upper bunk and tested the bed.  Unsurprisingly, it felt much the same as his own, perhaps a little firmer, but that could easily be his imagination.  “Thanks for this,” he said.

Honestly, if Kanan hadn’t offered to let him borrow his spare bunk for the night, Ezra thought he might have spent the night camping out somewhere else in the base.  Not in one of the various crew dorms or rooms though — that would have meant coming up with an answer to any number of difficult questions.  Most likely, he would have found a comfortable hiding spot and bedded down for the night.  Wherever he ended up, he could guarantee that it wouldn’t have been the worst place he had ever slept.

“Don’t mention it,” Kanan told him.  There was a creaking sound below him, much quieter than when Zeb got into bed, but distinctive enough for Ezra to recognize it.  “Just remember, you need to go back tomorrow.”

Ezra sighed quietly, but he knew that Kanan was right.  The longer he left it, the more awkward it would become.  Anyway, now he was here, he couldn’t help but feel a little bad; what would Zeb think when he never showed up for bed?  He should have said something.  Of course, the problem with that was that it would have involved saying something.

He lay down on his side, facing out into the room.  “I will,” he promised.

Probably the best way to handle it would be to act as though nothing had happened.  Zeb would realize he didn’t want to talk about it, and respond in kind.  Or at least he hoped that he would.  It probably wasn’t going to work that way.

It was too late to use that tactic with Sabine.  He thought of the stack of work she had given him to read through; page after page of dots arranged into patterns, a key showing him which letter each combination of dots corresponded to.  It had been interesting at first, and then not so interesting, and then he had put down the flimsi and loaded the datacard into his datapad and realized from the title of the file why she wanted him to learn that particular code, and…

He should have realized right away.  He had made the connection between what she was giving him and the nameplate on Noisi’s door.  He knew, in theory at least, that there were better ways for blind people to read than to listen to audio files.  And Noisi was an eye specialist, after all.  One serving as a general med droid for the whole base, it was true, but he had a specialty, and apparently a custom-built nameplate to match.

The information that Sabine had given him was all designed to be read visually.  Still, he had run his finger across the screen, trying to imagine what it might be like to feel the letters beneath his fingertip.  It seemed impossible.  Part of him had wanted to go to Noisi’s door and try it out, just touch the embossed code there and try to feel any kind of a difference from one letter to the next.  If he could do that, he might be able to convince himself that the project was a worthwhile use of his time.

Kanan didn’t use it.  At least, not as far as he knew.  He could ask him, but he didn’t want to.  The fewer people were aware of it, the fewer people there would be expecting him to learn it.  Because he wasn’t going to be able to do it.

Honestly, there was no point even trying.

“How was today?” Kanan asked him.  “What did you do for the rest of the afternoon?”

Ezra squirmed a little uncomfortably.  He didn’t like lying, not to Kanan.  Not to any of them really.  “Oh, you know,” he said.  “Just wasted my time.”  It wasn’t a lie.  Or at least, he didn’t think it was going to be a lie.

He thought back to the code, trying to bring it back to mind; after hours of studying, he could only remember five of the letters.  Maybe six.  Either way, not enough.  And that was reading with his eyes.  When they decided to fail him, he was going to have to switch to his fingers, and that would be an entirely different skill.  One he wasn’t sure that he possessed.

“I guess that’s fine for one day,” Kanan told him.  “Tomorrow we need to do some training.”

He didn’t specify what kind of training.  Ezra was okay with that for now.

“Well,” Kanan said.  “Goodnight.”

“Night,” Ezra repeated.  He closed his eyes and braced himself, but the light in the cabin didn’t switch off.  It wasn’t until then that he realized, the old familiar argument over the light wasn’t going to happen here; it wouldn’t matter to Kanan whether it was on or off.  Still, he figured he should probably ask, just to make sure.

“Hey, Kanan?  Is it okay if we leave the light on overnight?”

There was a pause before Kanan answered.  “…Yes, I think that’ll be fine.”

Okay, now he felt vaguely ridiculous for asking.  He opened his mouth to apologize — pointless, as he knew that he hadn’t actually done anything wrong, when a noise started up unexpectedly; a dull buzzing that grated on his senses, seeming to fill the room with sound that was impossible to ignore.  Ezra gritted his teeth and wrapped his pillow around his head to block out as much of the noise as he could.  It still penetrated, seeming to settle, vibrating, inside his skull.

He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to think about something — anything — else, but the noise intruded on his mind, he couldn't relax to sleep, because he couldn’t stop listening to it.  It wasn’t a particularly unpleasant sound, but there was something about it that just bothered him.

Noisi.

The tone was completely different from the sound generated by the med droid’s wheels, but it was similar in that it was a single tone, steady and unchanging.  He didn’t know what was making it, but he felt sure that it hadn’t been there the last time he had been in Kanan’s quarters.

How it wasn’t bothering Kanan, he had no idea.

“Kanan?” he asked.

Kanan didn’t answer right away.  Ezra heard him shift in the bed below him and clear his throat before he did.  “Yeah?”

“Um…” he didn’t want to sound like he was complaining, but if that was going to continue all night, he probably wasn’t going to get any sleep, and if he wasn’t going to get any sleep, he might as well have avoided Zeb by spending the night camped out in the lounge.  At least he would have had access to snacks there.  “What’s the noise?” he tried.

“Oh.”  He heard Kanan sit up in bed, and leaned over the side to check what he was doing.  He was reaching for some kind of dome-shaped object on the chair by the side of his bed.  “Sorry,” Kanan said.  “Habit.

The object was a light grey color, a rounded shape on the top, sitting on an oval base.  He couldn’t make out any detail, but there appeared to be buttons on the base, as well as some kind of display on the front, slightly illuminated text that he definitely couldn’t see.  He wasn’t sure whether that was down to his distance from the thing, or not.  “What is that?” he asked.

“White noise generator,” Kanan told him.  He pressed his hand onto the top and the music cut out instantly.  “I’ll turn it off.”

Ezra leaned a little further over the edge of the bunk to get a better look at the thing.  “What’s it for?”

“Well,” Kanan ran his fingers over the buttons on the front.  “Generating sounds, mostly.”  He paused, a little awkwardly, and sat back on the bed.  “Hera gave me it.  When I… after Malachor.  Sometimes I’d wake up, and not know…” he stopped again.  “It was supposed to be something to listen out for, to tell me instantly where I was when I woke up uncertain.”  He paused.  “Leaving the lights on wasn't an option for me,” he added.

Ezra understood then.  Those rare times when he woke from some dream or nightmare to darkness in the middle of the night, when all he could do to chase away the dream and convince himself that he was safe and at home was switch on the light and look around him at the familiar surroundings; Kanan hadn’t been able to do that anymore.  And at the time, he probably didn’t lack for bad dreams.

Somehow, he had never considered that Kanan might have gone through something like that, but that was because Kanan had never shared that with him; and why would he?  It was private, and probably not an easy thing to share.  Possibly not something he ever would have shared, if Ezra hadn’t intruded upon his space like this.

Unless, of course, Ezra had brought it up, because that was definitely going to be something he was going to have trouble with too, he knew that already.  He didn’t dream often, but when he did, it was as though his mind decided to commit fully to it, and sometimes took a while to bring himself back to reality.  If… when… he couldn't switch the light on, things were going to be so much worse.

“Did it help?” he asked quietly.

Kanan shrugged.  “Not really.  But switching it on has turned into a habit.  One I can do without for tonight.”

The room suddenly seemed unnaturally quiet, Ezra could hear the sound of his own and Kanan’s breathing, the slight creak of the bunk underneath him as he adjusted his position, and nothing else.  He was glad of the light, because if it were dark he didn’t know whether he would have been able to stand it.  He licked his lips.  “Does it make any other noises?” he asked.  “Ones that sound less like…” it didn’t actually sound like Noisi, “like that?”

“I don’t need it on, Ezra,” Kanan told him.  “Like I said, it’s just a habit.”

“Still,” Ezra said.  “Something else might be nice, something that sounds a bit less like someone fell asleep with their head on a musical keyboard.”

Kanan laughed.  “Okay.  There’s quite a bit on there, music, nature sounds, there’s a display on the front with the titles, if you want to look through and choose…” he stopped abruptly, probably remembering Ezra’s struggle to read the datapad a few days earlier.  “Or I could just flip through them until we land on one you like,” he suggested.

“Yeah.”  Ezra lay back in his bunk.  The display looked larger than the datapad, he probably would have been able to read it, but he didn’t want to try.  “Let’s do that.”

Kanan reached for the noise generator again and pressed the top again.  The buzzing noise kicked back in.  He pressed a button on the front and the tone changed to something softer, but similar in nature.  Kanan scrolled past it, either because he didn’t like it himself or because he correctly assumed that it wasn’t going to work for Ezra.

He pressed the button a few more times, and the sound of raindrops on a metal roof filled the room.  They began slowly, then growing heavier as though a storm was beginning outside.

“Wait,” Ezra said.  It reminded him of Lothal, when the rains started, sometimes they would continue for days at a time.  He could hear them from his room in his parents home, it reminded him of feeling safe and warm, listening to the voices of his parents speaking in low tones in the next room while he snuggled beneath the covers and drifted off to sleep.  “I think I’d be okay with that one,” he said.  “If you are, I mean.”

By way of an answer, Kanan pulled his hand back from the noise generator, and lay back down on his bunk.  “Yeah, I think I could live with that,” he said.

[eyeloch]

Y Ezra

Y is “tears”.  Thinking on this gave me something I can’t remember being done before.

Hera’s hurt. 

These things happen - guerrilla warfare does tend you leave injuries, after all.  But that doesn’t make it a shock when these tragedies happen.  

But it’s a little more than that.  Hera’s A-Wing coming back from Concord Dawn in pieces was just a shock.  It was later that everything really seemed to be falling apart, at least for him.

The medical droid was working on her with a speed Ezra would call furious, if the machine actually possessed much in the way of emotion.  Hera’s breathing was being regulated by machines, but her presence in the force seemed fine - muted by unconsciousness, but not fading away.

But yet…

“Symptoms suggest oxygen deprivation,” the droid had said as it made it’s initial emergency diagnosis, “tibanna gas in exhalations suggests a coolant breach into the cockpit,” it continued as Hera’s breathing became regulated by the emergancy respirator, “and the bruising around the cranium suggests minor lekku trauma, perhaps even…”

The droid continued, listing problem after problem as the operation began.

Ezra tried to shut the words out, eventually.  Sabine was still listening, he could tell by the anger in her jaw and shoulders - tension seeming to rise with every new issue.  She was strong, she could turn this into yet more strength.  He though, well, he felt he had to try and shut it out - focus on her force signature.  ‘She’s alive,’ he repeated again and again, ‘she’ll be fine.’

And she was, in the end.  Shrapnel was extracted, blood was transfused and the pressure in her skull was dealt with.  She was stable.

So why did he still feel like this?

They all felt the same way, but at least Kanan and Sabine (and Chopper, possibly) were doing something with their emotions.  Here he was just pacing listlessly.  She’d be fine.  She would.  …eventually.

“Hey kid.”

A voice broke him out of the thoughts spiraling in his head.  Zeb was watching him, a speck of curiosity in his eyes.

 “It’s okay, y’know,” he continued, “to, uh, let it out.”

“…but I’ve got to be strong,” Ezra mumbled, scuffing his shoe on a rattling panel, refusing to let Zeb see him halfway to breaking, “like Kanan is being, like you are…”

“Ezra,” Zeb said, “don’t you think we all have to let other people help us, sometimes?”

“But you, the others, they’ve lost so much more than-”

He was cut off by a pair of arms hugging him, Zeb’s warmth (and smell) quickly enveloping him.

“I just don’t want to lose any more family…” he finally admitted.  

Then the tears began - slowly soaking into Zeb’s fur.

And Zeb was right, in the end, it did help.