#karkat raps...?

[broadway-karkat]

HAPPY 4/13!!! I'VE BEEN WORKING ON THIS FOR A GOOD WHILE NOW. AS YOU KNOW, I SPEAK ALTERNIAN, NOT HUMANESE, SO IT'S HARD FOR ME TO RAP. BUT I DID MY FUCKING BEST FOR YOU CURSED CREATURES. AS ALWAYS, YOU ARE FUCKING WELCOME.

YES THIS IS A STRIDER DISS. IT STARTED AS A TROLL DRAKE DISS BUT THEN... I DON'T KNOW, IT WENT TOO HARD FOR JUST THAT.

(Modkat stepping in to say this is NOT directed at any Dave voice-actors/singers, in fact I checked with some Dave voiceactors around the Tumblr-O-Sphere and they were cool with it. I've just been hyperfixated on this song ever since the superbowl halftime show and decided to have some fun with it! Kendrick Lamar thank you for my life)

ART BY KENNYKENBEE, LYRICS BY ME BELOW THE CUT

Psst, I see dead people (Sollux on the beat, yo)

Ayy, Sollux on the beat, yo Spit out some bars to my homie, it’s a free throw Man down, call an ambulance, tell him: Breathe, bro Got him to his quest bed now he walk around like Bozo

What's up with these greyless people tryna see Alternia? The humans can hate me, fuck 'em all and they lusus How many opps you really got? I mean, it's too many options I'ma fuck you up so bad, wish you weren’t adopted Beat your ass and hide the Texts if Sufferer’s watchin'

Sometimes you gotta pop out and show humans Certified god, I'm the one that up the score with 'em Walk him down, whole time I know he got some bite in him Jump on him, extort shit, bully, Death Row on him

Say, Dave, I hear you so ironic You better pray that condition’s not chronic To any bitch that talk to him and they in love Just make sure you ready for the heartbreak

They tell me John the only one that get your hand-me-downs And Rose at the party playin' with her drinks now And Jade got a weird tail, why is she around? Certified human gods? Certified fuckass clowns

Wop, wop, wop, wop, wop, KK, fuck 'em up Wop, wop, wop, wop, wop, I'ma do my stuff Why y’all whinin' like a bitch? Ain't you tired? Tryna strike a chord and it's probably uninspired

They not like us They not like us They not like us They not like us They not like us They not like us

You think we gon' let you disrespect the trolls, fucker? I think that planet is gon' be your last stop, fucker Did friends foul, I don't know why you still pretendin' What is the owl? Oh fuck it’s Davesprite, shit alright, go

The readers not dumb Shape the stories how you want, hey, Dave, they're not slow Rabbit hole is still deep, I can go further, I promise Ain’t that somethin’? Get your apple juice and go cry to your brother

Ain't no lie, boy, fetch red Faygo or somethin' Since 2010 I had this bitch jumpin' The trolls be all excited, just cheering for my victory Isn’t all just contradictory? Don’t even need to try. Fuckass

Striders up in the medium Might dial this more than a burn, tell the fake god quit hidin' Fuck a caption, want action, no accident and I'm hands-on, he fuck around, get polished

Killed yourself on a loop, now that's connivin' Then act all innocent without even apologizin' I’m sad for all the Daves, doomed by the main Strider From Alternia down to Earth, I’m sure y’all turn on deciders

And your boy need his ass beat, that ”cool kid” move in flocks Those names gotta be registered and placed on planetary watch I lean on you trolls for another hit on vibes Yeah, it's all eyes on me and I’mma follow all them guides, ayy

Put the wrong label on me, I'ma get 'em dropped, ayy Bway KK playin’ and I won't pass the aux, ayy How many fucks do I really have in stock? Ayy One, two, three, four, five, plus five, ayy

Scratching is a lie, he a wannabe God, ayy Freaky-ass humans need to stay they ass inside, ayy Kick they ass up like it’s me and my pride, ayy Alternia’s back up, it's a must, we outside, ayy

They not like us They not like us They not like us They not like us They not like us They not like us

Once upon a time, most of us was in chains Then the human doubled down callin' us some slaves Alternia had pailbots bringing all the pains Bear with me for a second, let me put y'all on aim

The humans was usin' trollfolk to cheat the game Did this on sneak and then was highly acclaimed You run to Alternia when you need a check balance Let me break it down for you, this the real troll challenge

You called Terezi when you didn't sniff the club (ayy, what?) Gamzee helped you get your lingo up (what?) Eridan gave you false hive cred Nep made you feel like a troll in your head (ayy, what?)

Vriska said you are from the outside (what?) Aradia say you good, but she lied You run to Alternia when you need a few boondollars No, you not a colleague, you a fuckin' colonizer

Troll players matter and the truth of the matter It was Sufferer’s plan to show y'all the liar

Mmm Mmm He a fan, he a fan, he a fan (mmm) He a fan, he a fan, he a

Freaky-ass human, he a wannabe God Freaky-ass human, he a wannabe God Hey, hey, hey, hey, run for your life Hey, hey, hey, hey, run for your life

Freaky-ass human, he a wannabe God Freaky-ass human, he a wannabe God Hey, hey, hey, hey, run for your life Hey, hey, hey, hey, run for your life

Let me hear you say: KNIGHT OF BLOOD (knight of blood) Say: Knight of Blood (knight of blood) Now step this way, step that way Then step this way, step that way

Are you my friend? Are we locked in? Then step this way, step that way Then step this way, step that way

[ray-kitty]

karkat learns something new about himself

[noodleraptorr]

VERSUS…

BEGIN!!!

WHO WON?! WHO’S NEXT?!

YOU DECIDE!!!!

(title cards by my sibling @inkwellfel)

[helltiervriska]

penis rap comic sequel

[ohsoleon]

rapstuck au

[starsnores]

I always love imagining Gamzee in his own little murder rap/icp kinda band. I listen to Cemetery Girl and In My Room by ICP and just imagine Gamzee inviting Karkat to one of his gigs and is like “I wRoTe ThEsE fOr YoU bRo :0)” and Karkat just can’t tell if he should be mortified,flattered, or horny when he hears them

ah that's fun i love that. karkat is exactly the kind of useless romantic who would love that, even if it also embarrasses him. tsundere karkat. I really love trying to bring in his musical interests into stuff, it's fun and a big part of his identity. it's just hard to write about music i think, especially if you want to write lyrics? hard to write original lyrics that seem like they would be musical let alone a rap verse.

[hazyaltcare]

A playlist for a Karkat Maryam (Homestuck, bloodswap AU) fictive who was deemed a problem child in the brooding caverns for bad temper and questioning authority, but suddenly deified when they turned into a rainbow drinker upon their execution with music vibes of resentment, anger and confusion.

Tracklist:

The Front Bottoms - Emotional

NOFX - Perfect Government

A Day To Remember - Resentment

Siiickbrain - Problem Child

Icon For Hire - Nerves

sKitz Kraven - Bad Temper

Cemetary Drive - THE TRUTH IS OUTSIDE

The Yardbirds - Dazed And Confused

You can listen to it here.

Mod Haze (🧨Tate)

[tgcg]

ill break your shit adam

warning for adult lang

fuck you adam sandler

youre lucky karkat likes you

stupid fuck sees an amnesiac girl

and asks her can i marry you

that lady got issues mentally

you still down to do shit anally

deplorable zit on the ass of romanza

karkat told me to put that shit in this stanza

do raps even count as having stanzas

slam poetry tyke at preschool im no manza

youd probably jack it to a log with holes if they were wet ones

sitting on that stupid dock with her papa cracking cold ones

piece of shit id push you off that dock and watch you bubbling

kick your ass like her shitty bro failed when you were troubling

penguins dont quack like fucking ducks you dumbass

thats not part of the rap i just think that youre a dumbass

back to the rap sandler i bet you couldnt drop a single bar

too busy picking up stupid women at the stupid women bar

who even let you into hawaii

also did i say karkat liked you i was kidding he wants to kick your heinie

seriously watching that shit again made him start slamming his head into the cushions and screaming i had to pry them out his hands and he almost bit me

sorry i forgot i was rapping again

piece of shit forgot that you can like women while dating other men

still not over that chuck and larry shit adam

if you just said to the gov you were bi you coulda had em

firefighter of the year? well try putting out this heat

karkats gonna beat your ass like you do every night to your meat

gotta ask is this shit wish fulfilment for you

gotta say larry deserved better than you

i could treat him way better than you not in a gay way though

i just mean youre a massive sleaze basically the worlds shittiest bro

back to 50 first dates man sandler your shit is a bore

the stupid bits with schneider got my ass addicted to snore

if i was that stupid walrus id tear your ass to shreds

if i was that penguin i would also tear your ass to shreds

itd be harder but id still do it

bro fuck adam sandler im through it

===

TT: Wow. Bravo, Dave. You've outdone yourself.

TG: i wrote this one exceptionally fucking terrible to represent my inner darkness

TG: i can never unwatch those cinematic fossilized turds theyre like time capsules devoted to everything wrong with america

TG: you dont even understand how egregious that was

TT: I can sense the utter malaise and contempt in every word. It's beautiful.

TT: One particularly interesting point I'd like to make is the fact that you managed to refer to butts in a song about a male target, 10 times in the span of 37 lines. It's not an exorbitant amount, but it appears to be a running theme in your works. Very interesting, if you ask me --

TG: nooooo

TG: nope no

TG: not this shit again

TG: listen one of them is karkats fault

===

CG: ROSE, YOU JUST DON'T FUCKING UNDERSTAND WHAT HE'S DOING HERE AT ALL.

TT: No? Please, enlighten me Karkat.

CG: GLADLY.

CG: HE STARTS OUT WITH THE FRIGGIN WORD "ANAL" PRECEDING ALL OF THE OTHER MENTIONS, OF COURSE IT'S ON PURPOSE. IT INSTILLS THAT IMAGERY IN YOUR NUGBONE THROUGHOUT THE TRACK.

CG: AND YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED A RECURRING USE OF THE WORD "SHIT", IN TANDEM. BOG-STANDARD FOR DAVE, RIGHT? NO! IT'S PART OF THE EFFECT!

CG: MY THESIS: ADAM SANDLER MOVIES ARE PIECES OF ABSOLUTE SHIT AND THE REFERENCES TO WORDS LIKE "LOG" AND "SHIT" AND "ASS" ARE TO INVOKE THE SENSE OF TAKING A MASSIVE DUMP THROUGHOUT THE SPAN OF THE RAP, WHICH BY ALL MEANS WOULD BE AN EQUAL OR GREATER USE OF YOUR TIME THAN WATCHING THOSE MOVIES.

CG: RIGHT, DAVE?

TG: … yeah

TT: Okay, I'm willing to concede to that. On this subject matter, as an avid terrible movie enjoyer, you admittedly know better than myself.

CG: SHOULD KNOW BETTER.

TT: And you love them anyways.

CG: YEAH.

TG: hes right

TG: you hear that shit hes right

TG: fuck death of the author im verifying that interpretation

[jojotier]

why does postcanon davekat always make karkat the bureaucratic genius while making dave the trophy art husband. are we forgetting the fact that at age 13 dave strider had enough of a working knowledge of economics to not only ensure an infinite cash flow of boondollars for the session but purposefully crash the stock market of an entire planet. dave should be doing paperwork right alongside Karkat and rapping about the budget to both inform and annoy the snot out of his boyfriend

[pastabaguette]

what are your favorite platonic dynamics? :3 i personally love the way you draw meowrails, and i also love the brotp relationships of gamzee/nepeta, equius/kanaya, sollux/karkat, eridan/nepeta, and feferi/vriska!!! :DD< (sorry for my bad english)

thanks for the question. as i’ve stated before, i’m not a big fan of romantic shipping, but i do have a lot of platonic pairs that i really like.

besides nepeta of course, i also like equius’s conversations with dave, vriska, and gamzee.

eridan and kanaya can be pretty funny.

tavros and gamzee and their rap battles are entertaining. gamzee and dave as well.

nepeta, terezi, and tavros’s little roleplays are cute.

john and dave are pretty chill, i think.

straying out of the more canon territory:

in another world, i’d like to see nepeta and gamzee be bros.

nepeta and aradia as friends is cute. i know they have some interactions in canon, but there aren’t too many.

feferi and nepeta?

nepeta and roxy, or dirk and equius, due to their similarities.

caliborn and eridan for the same reason. and nepeta and calliope!

equius and rose (horses)

aradia and dave

rose and aradia, maybe?

i didn’t want to go overboard, so i only listed a few. generally, i feel that conversations with equius, high gamzee, dave, or caliborn are pretty funny by default. i also like a lot of aradia’s intractions in general. same with rose.

[broadway-karkat]

Why the obsession with Kendrick Lamar?

THIS IS THE ONLY ANON I’LL ANSWER TO AND THAT’S BECAUSE I’M *SO* GLAD YOU ASKED. I WILL BE VERY FUCKING UNHINGED ABOUT THIS. BE WARNED. HERE'S A PLAYLIST OF THE BEEF.

((I'll be roleplaying as Karkat obviously but the Drake vs Kendrick diss is genuinely a hyper-fixation for me atm so I’m gonna put everything under a readmore -ModKat))

OK SO BASICALLY, DRAKE BROUGHT KENDRICK INTO THE SCENE FOR HIS TOUR OF HIS ALBUM “TAKE CARE” WHICH IS CERTIFIED MID IN MY OPINION. AFTER THAT KENDRICK RELEASED "GOOD KID. MAAD CITY" AND “TO PIMP A BUTTERFLY” WHICH WERE FUCKING CLASSIC ON ARRIVAL. KENDRICK WAS THEN FEATURED IN A SONG WITH BIG SEAN TITLED "CONTROL", WHICH CALLED MANY RAPPERS BY NAME AND SAYING "I GOT LOVE FOR YOU ALL BUT I'M TRYNNA MURDER YOU (N-WORD)", BASICALLY SAYING KENDRICK WAS COMING FOR THE CROWN (I DON'T REALLY RECALL IF THIS HAPPENED BEFORE OR AFTER TPAB, I THINK IT WAS BEFORE. PLUS HE CHECKED WITH THE OTHER RAPPERS AND THEY EITHER ANSWERED ON SOME HIP HOP SUBLIMINALS OR WERE TOTALLY COOL WITH IT. HIP HOP *IS* A BIT OF COMPETITION AFTER ALL). AND WHO WASN'T HAPPY ABOUT THIS, NOT NOTICING THAT HIP HOP *HAS* A SIDE OF RAP BATTLES AND DISSING? DRAKE. HE JUST STARTED... WHINING ABOUT IT ON INTERVIEWS LMAO. HOWEVER, AFTER TPAB, KENDRICK FELT A BIT LIKE HIS MISSION TO SAVE THE WORLD WITH PREACHY CONSCIOUS SHIT HAD FAILED AND HE PUT THAT ANGER INTO HIS NEXT ALBUM, “DAMN.”, WHICH WON HIM A FUCKING PULITZER AWARD. THEN KENDRICK VANISHED FROM THE SCENE FOR AROUND 5 YEARS, PROBABLY DOING SOME SOUL SEARCHING, AND IN THE MEANTIME LET’S TALK ABOUT DRAKE.

DRAKE HAD ALWAYS SAID HE WOULDN'T GO INTO A DISS COMPETITION WITH ANOTHER RAPPER BECAUSE IT WAS NOT HIS VIBE AND "THE LYRICS WOULD BE SCATHING" (PARAPHRASING A BIT HERE). THEN WHEN MEEK MILLS, ANOTHER RAPPER, DISSED DRAKE IN A SONG (FUCK ME IF I REMEMBER WHICH ONE, THIS BEEF IS SO LONG), DRAKE RESPONDED WITH ANOTHER DISS AND INSTEAD OF WAITING FOR HIS COMPETITION TO RELEASE A RESPONSE HE DROPPED "BACK TO BACK" AFTER LIKE 3 DAYS, WHICH WAS A MASSIVE HIT, AND MILLS DISAPPEARED FROM THE FEUD THEN. DRAKE WON. THEN COMES ONE PUSHA-T.

PUSHA-T STARTED BEEF WITH DRAKE AND DRAKE RESPONDED WITH A (SURPRISINGLY GOOD) DISS CALLED "DUPPY FREESTYLE", WHERE HE MENTIONS PUSHA'S WIFE AT A THROWAWAY LINE ("I TOLD YOU KEEP MY NAME OUTTA YOUR MOUTH OR ELSE IMMA LET IT RAIN ON YOU LIKE VIRGINIA WILLIAMS"), WHICH IS SOMETHING YOU JUST. *DON'T* DO IN HIP HOP. PUSHA WAS MAD AND... WELL, HE RELEASED "THE STORY OF ADIDON", WHICH HAD THIS AS THE COVER ART AND EXPOSED THE FACT THAT DRAKE HAD A HIDDEN SON WITH A FORMER ADULT ACTRESS, AND HE WAS HIDING SAID SON IN ANOTHER COUNTRY FOR THE PURPOSE OF DOING AN ADIDAS CAMPAIGN AND REVEAL HIS EXISTENCE TO THE WORLD. SAID CAMPAIGN OBVIOUSLY NEVER HAPPENED AND DRAKE NEVER RESPONDED 'CAUSE LIKE. THE FUCK YOU SAY BACK TO THAT, *WITH IT BEING TRUE*??? HE WON OFF THAT, BUT INSTEAD OF DESTROYING HIS CAREER, THINGS ONLY WENT UP FOR DRAKE. HE WON ARTIST OF THE DECADE, ETC. IF THAT WAS HIP HOP'S FUTURE, OK FINE, BUT IT WASN'T A DIRECTION A LOT OF FANS WERE VERY MUCH INTO. UNTIL KENDRICK CAME BACK.

KENDRICK CAME BACK WITH "MR. MORALE AND THE BIG STEPPERS", WHICH SHOWED A VERY HUMAN SIDE OF HIM, IN MY OPINION. IT WAS RAW, IT WAS FAMILY, IT WAS EMOTION. WHEN HE CAME BACK, DRAKE ASKED HIM TO FEATURE IN A SONG ON HIS ALBUM "FOR ALL THE DOGS", BUT KENDRICK DENIED. SO DRAKE COLLABED WITH J-COLE INSTEAD, AND THAT'S WHEN THE STORY TRULY STARTS.

J-COLE MENTIONED KENDRICK IN HIS FEAT. VERSE IN THE SONG "FIRST PERSON SHOOTER", SAYING "LOVE WHEN THEY ARGUE THE HARDEST MC, IS IT K-DOT, IS IT AUBREY OR ME? WE THE BIG THREE LIKE WE STARTED A LEAGUE" AND THAT... WAS A MISTAKE. BESIDES HIS HEALING JOURNEY, I DON'T FUCKING KNOW BUT SOMETHING AWOKE INSIDE KENDRICK. MAYBE THE SPIRIT OF COMPETITIVENESS? ANYWAY, AFTER THAT KENDRICK HAD A FEATURE IN FUTURE + METRO BOOMIN'S COLLAB ALBUM "WE DON'T TRUST YOU" (YES THIS IS ANOTHER JAB AT DRAKE) WHERE HE SAYS, DURING HIS VERSE ON THE SONG "LIKE THAT", "FUCK SNEAK DISSIN', FIRST PERSON SHOOTER", "FOR ALL YOUR DOGS GETTIN' BURIED, THERE'S A K WITH ALL THESE NINES, HE GON' SEE PET SEMATARY" AND "MOTHERFUCK THE BIG THREE, (N-WORD), IT'S JUST BIG ME". THAT CAUSED AN UPROAR BECAUSE KENDRICK TAKING DIRECT SHOTS? AT BOTH J-COLE AND DRAKE? PEOPLE WERE EATING THIS UP.

J-COLE THEN RELEASED A MIXTAPE CALLED "MIGHT DELETE LATER" AND IN IT HE TAKES DIRECT SHOTS AT KENDRICK AT THE SONG "7 MINUTE DRILL", WHERE HE COMPARES EACH OF KENDRICK'S ALBUM'S QUALITY. BUT THEN DURING A SHOW HE SAID, AND I QUOTE, "I'M SO PROUD OF THAT PROJECT, EXCEPT FOR ONE THING. I DON'T REALLY FEEL NO WAY, BUT THE WORLD WANNA SEE *BLOOD*. [CITY NAME], YOU LOVE KENDRICK LAMAR, RIGHT? AS DO I" AND POLITELY EXCUSED HIMSELF FROM THE FEUD, REMAINING ON THE SIDELINES OF EVERYTHING HAPPENING. HE ALSO DELETED THE SONG "7 MINUTE DRILL" FROM "MIGHT DELETE LATER" WHICH IS HILARIOUSLY IRONIC.

AFTER "LIKE THAT", DRAKE, HAVING LOST *MASSIVELLY* TO PUSHA-T, FELT COMPELLED TO RESPOND. AND THAT HE DID, WITH A NEW DISS TRACK CALLED "PUSH-UPS". IN THAT HE BASICALLY MAKES FUN OF KENDRICK'S HEIGHT (HE IS 5'5 WHICH, BEING A LATINO TROLL, IS JUST THE AVERAGE SIZE OF MEN SO I MIGHT BE BIASED). THAT WAS THE ENTIRE SONG. EVEN THE COVER ART WAS A PICTURE OF KENDRICK'S SHOE SIZE, REFERENCING THE LYRICS "HOW THE FUCK YOU BIG STEPPIN' WITH A SIZE 7 MEN ON". IT ALSO HAD MORE JABS, SOMETIMES DOUBLE ENTENDRES, LIKE "TOP SAY DROP, YOU BETTER DROP AND GIVE 'EM 50" REFERRING TO KENDRICK'S DEAL WITH HIS LABEL, TOP DOG RECORDS, AND A 50% DEAL THAT MEANS HE'S NOT MAKING MUCH OVER HIS SONGS. THERE WAS ALSO A BIT THAT CALLED HIM OUT FOR COLLABING WITH POP STARS AT THE BEHEST OF HIS RECORD COMPANY ("MAROON 5 NEED A LINE, YOU BETTER MAKE IT WITTY. THEN WE NEED A VERSE FOR THE SWIFTIES").

AFTER THAT DRAKE TRIED THE "BACK TO BACK" TECHNIQUE AGAIN AND AROUND 1 TO 2 WEEKS LATER RELEASED A SONG CALLED "TAYLOR MADE FREESTYLE", WHICH IS... UGH. I DON'T KNOW YOUR STANCE ON AI, BUT AI SINGERS GIVE ME THE CREEPS. DRAKE USED AN AI VOICE OF BOTH 2PAC AND SNOOP DOGG FOR THIS SONG, CALLING FOR KENDRICK TO RESPOND. LIKE, BRO USED THE GUY'S HEROES TO CONVINCE HIM TO GO TO BATTLE, WHO THE FUCK HURT YOU DRAKE??? EITHER WAY THE TUPAC ESTATE SUED HIM FOR USING HIS VOICE AND DRAKE HAD TO PULL THAT OFF THE INTERNET BUT YOU KNOW HOW IT IS, ONCE IT'S POSTED ONLINE IT WAS EVERYWHERE.

THEN LIKE 3 DAYS LATER, KENDRICK FINALLY RESPONDED WITH "EUPHORIA", WHICH WAS BASICALLY A THESIS ON WHY AND HOW DRAKE SUCKED ("YOU'RE NOT A RAP ARTIST, YOU'RE A SCAM ARTIST, WITH HOPES OF BEING ACCEPTED"). THIS SONG GOES *HARD* AND I RECOMMEND YOU GIVE IT A LISTEN ("BUT DON'T TELL LIES 'BOUT ME AND I WON'T TELL TRUTHS 'BOUT YOU). IT HAS THREE DISTINCT ACTS, THE FIRST BEING ALMOST MELANCHOLIC, SECOND IS KENDRICK BEING KENDRICK, AND THE THIRD BEING THAT HARDCORE HIP HOP VIBE. EACH HAS THEIR UNIQUE BEATS TOO. BUT THEN IT WAS THE WEEKEND. AND THAT'S WHEN IT WENT BALLS TO THE WALL.

ON MAY 3RD, KENDRICK RELEASED "6.16 IN LA" WHICH WAS A DIRECT REFERENCE TO ONE OF THE WAYS DRAKE TITLES HIS SONGS. HE SAYS DRAKE IS A LIAR, HE WAS NEVER FROM THE STREETS (DRAKE GREW UP IN A NICE NEIGHBORHOOD IN TORONTO IF I'M NOT MISTAKEN), AND SEEDS A LITTLE BIT OF DOUBT ON US (THE AUDIENCE) WHEN HE SAYS HE HAS INSIDERS INSIDE OVO RECORDS (DRAKE'S MUSIC LABEL). LATER *THE SAME DAY*, DRAKE STARTED HYPING UP STREAMERS, EVERYONE, THAT HE WAS GOING TO RELEASE A FUCKING BOMB OF A SONG AND IT WAS GOING TO BE AMAZING SO LATER THAT DAY DRAKE DROPS "FAMILY MATTERS" WHERE HE BASICALLY ACCUSES KENDRICK OF BEATING HIS WIFE (???) ("WHEN YOU PUT YOUR HANDS ON YOUR GIRL, IS IT SELF-DEFENSE 'CAUSE SHE BIGGER THAN YOU?").

THEN, I KID YOU NOT, *30 MINUTES LATER*, KENDRICK DROPS AGAIN WITH "MEET THE GRAHAMS" (DRAKE'S NAME IS AUBREY GRAHAM), WHERE HE WRITES A LETTER TO EVERYONE INVOLVED IN DRAKE'S LIFE AND APOLOGIZING TO THEM, STARTING WITH HIS SON ADONIS, AND EVEN MENTIONING A SUPPOSEDLY SECRET SECOND CHILD, A GIRL AROUND 12-13. IT WAS DEVASTATING, SUDDENLY THE STREAMERS DRAKE HAD HYPED UP FOR *HIS* TRACK WERE ALL TALKING AND REACTING TO "MEET THE GRAHAMS" INSTEAD! KENDRICK PRETTY MUCH UNO REVERSED DRAKE, HE DID BACK TO BACK TO THE *CREATOR* OF BACK TO BACK. AND IT WORKED! MEET THE GRAHAMS IS NOT A SONG YOU LISTEN, IT IS A SONG YOU SURVIVE. IT ALMOST FEELS LIKE SOMETHING YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO HEAR. BUT I'M GETTING OFF-TOPIC. DRAKE DID RELEASE ANOTHER DISS BUT IT'S IRRELEVANT, NOBODY CARED AND ALL HE DOES IS UH. CALL KENDRICK SHORT, SAY HE'S LYING AND THAT THEY FABRICATED THE SECRET CHILD STORY SO KENDRICK WOULDN'T HAVE ACCURATE INFORMATION BUT. WHY BOTHER GOING ALL THIS WAY????? I DON'T KNOW, I DON'T BUY IT. LET'S JUST SAY "THE HEART PART 6" IS *TECHNICALLY* IN THE BEEF LIST BUT IT’S BY FAR THE WORST DISS IN THIS STORY. IT CAME AFTER "NOT LIKE US" TOO SO I'M GETTING AHEAD OF MYSELF.

THEN KENDRICK, HAVING WON OVER DRAKE, DID HIS VICTORY LAP WITH "NOT LIKE US", AN UPBEAT SONG CALLING DRAKE A P*DOPHILE AND CALLING TO ATTENTION HIS DUBIOUS RELATIONSHIPS WITH YOUNGER WOMEN (LIKE MILLIE BOBBIE BROWN AND BILLIE EILISH WHEN THEY WERE A MINOR). THE SONG WON A FUCKING GRAMMY AWARD, THE FIRST DISS TRACK TO DO SO. AND, LISTENING TO IT, YOU CAN SEE WHY. KENDRICK HELD *NOTHING* BACK. AND THE "A MINOR" DOUBLE ENTENDRE WAS A HIT ON START. THEN THE POP OFF WITH KEN AND FRIENDS HAPPENED WHERE KENDRICK PLAYED "NOT LIKE US" LIKE AROUND 7 TIMES, AND THEN CAME THE SUPERBOWL HALFTIME SHOW THAT MADE BE OBSESSED OVER THIS SUBJECT SO MUCH I HAVE THE ORDER OF SONGS FUCKING MEMORIZED.

HERE IS A PLAYLIST OF ALL THE DISS SONGS (INCLUDING A FEW I HAVEN'T TALKED ABOUT) IN ORDER.

IF I'M MISTAKEN ON MY LORE PLEASE CORRECT ME WITH AN ASK, AND IF YOU'VE READ THIS FAR, CONGRATULATIONS! FUCK YOU!

AND YEAH I'M NOT GOING TO COVER "THE HEART PART 6" BECAUSE FUCK THAT SONG, IT WAS DRAKE BASICALLY ADMITTING DEFEAT.

[kocoloco]

There’s probably a troll version of Twighlight but listen, Dave would curse Karkat to know both human AND troll movies, including Twighlight

(Once again, deeply sorry if anything is inaccurate)

Btw the word in the second panel should be pronounced “rap less” just to make sure👍

John is devastated

Rose just wants to go home

And Karkat just doesn’t care

[thewertsearch]

NEPETA: :33 < here, take your gross stinky glasses back, SWEATQUIUS EQUIUS: D --> Very well, here is your hood NEPETA: :33 < umm NEPETA: :33 < yeah NEPETA: :33 < why dont NEPETA: :33 < you hang on to that NEPETA: :33 < forever!

Nepeta, he's already adrift in a literal ocean of death flags. Do you really need to add more?

The latter two I understand, since both are effectively canon, but Dave x Tavros is a rather surprising ship. Did Nepeta just really enjoy their rap battle?

You suppose this pairing is still viable. Although the roles will have to be dramatically reversed!

Nepeta initially hoped that Gamzee could calm Karkat down a little. This was already dubious, and now she thinks Karkat can pacify Gamzee?

I hate to say it, Nepeta, but I think we’re well past that, even if Gamzee himself disagrees.

Yes! This matchup was always just so purrrrrfect to you. Why can't anyone else see it? WHY CAN'T THEY SEE???

Girl, I think everyone can see.

You will have to remember to write Jade a nice thank you note for helping to stabilize Karkat's unhealthy relationship with his past and future selves.

Both Jade and Kanaya been recognized as effective auspistices. I guess it is all about giving bickering couples some Space from each other...

Don't say it don't say it don't s

Some day you will work up the guts to say something.

Oh, god fucking damn it.

Alright, let's calm down a little. This isn't necessarily a death fl-

Maybe once this huge murder fiasco blows over!

We had a good run, Nepeta.

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

Hey I know this isn't on-topic for an Eridan blog but you're the best HS theorist I know <3 so do you happen to have any theories about WHY Gamzee faked god tier? I always see theories about how he could be a real god tier too, or about how he manages to be immortal even though he's not god tier, but I cannot find any discussion of WHY he bothered with that ruse in the first place!!! He didn't even fool anyone, unless we count Caliborn for like 2 secs before Hussie told him the truth, and all he got for his trouble was shot!

I think it's mostly a gag, but this is the Analyzing Homestuck blog, so: I think it's because Gamzee wants to look like an adult to impress Caliborn.

Gamzee's lusus is physically neglectful.

But you were never taught that on account of a lousy upbringing. Your custodian was always out to sea.

And several things stem from that neglect - the first, his indoctrination into the Clown Cult, the second, his extensive and all-encompassing drug usage, and the third, his poor social skills, which leave him ostracized by his teammates.

Let's first take a look at what, exactly, that religion entails:

You belong to a RATHER OBSCURE CULT, which foretells of a BAND OF ROWDY AND CAPRICIOUS MINSTRELS which will rise one day on a MYTHICAL PARADISE PLANET that does not exist yet. The beliefs of this cult are SOMEWHAT FROWNED UPON by those dwelling in more common lawnrings.

TC: I PeEpEd oN A PlAcE Of 6 tRiLlIoN HeMoS TC: AlL Up aT OnE RoCk, BlEeDiNg aS EqUaLs TC: It's eAsY To sEe iF YoU SeArCh aLl yOuR FeElInS TC: ThAt pEaCe hApPeNs fIrSt, AnD MuRdEr's tHe sEqUeL TC: It's tHe bEaUtY Of tHe cArNiVaL, tHe mAgIc's iN TeNtS

TC: all my life i believed at a fuckin paradise to come what held the most baller, darkest of carnivals to join. TC: AND A PROPHECY TC: to tell all about a band of rowdy and capricious minstrels steeped in the good harshwhimsy. TC: THE MIRTHFUL MESSIAHS WERE FORETOLD TO BE CRASHING THAT FUCKING PIE STAND AND BRING THE HOLY RUCKUS. TC: like a giddy fuckin ninja one wheeling head long at the hugest fuckin horn heap shangri la's got to see. TC: I'M TALKING ABOUT THE VAST HONK, YOU BLASPHEMOUS MOTHERFUCKER. TC: what i believed in it to be was so beautiful, us and them all mellowing in tents, bumpin sounds, tossing back the faygo and soaking the miracles up our faith sponges, while the special stardust rained down at our elixir sticky faces, like a bunch a fuckin fairy powder from religion space. TC: IT WAS GOING TO BE US AND MOTHER FUCKING THEM. TC: them and mother fuckin us. :o(

In essence: Gamzee's cult believes that there will be a Vast Honk, which will kill all trolls; however, "a band of rowdy and capricious minstrels" will usher in/create a new paradaisical planet of nothing but good vibes and chill times, where the "mirthful messiahs" will get to enjoy eternity.

There's pretty clear parallels here to the Christian concept of the Rapture, which fits in with the Garden of Eden/Original Sin themes of the Dancestors and the Second Coming thing Karkat's got going on. But, more importantly, it's also pretty directly just... what SGRUB/SBURB are all about. Their original population all dies, but a bunch of kids band together to create a new universe, with new planets, where theoretically live out the rest of their godhood in peace and happiness.

Were it not for the casteist influences as a result of being a cult largely followed by highbloods, there'd pretty much be nothing inherently objectionable about Gamzee's belief system - it's fundamentally hopeful, and, in fact, when he raps about it to Tavros, part of it is outright about "equalizing" the hemocaste (they all bleed as equals, see). Tavros agrees:

AT: tHE SLAMS WERE TRULY PRIME, aND, AT: yOUR RELIGIOUS VIEWS, tHOUGH i DON'T SHARE THEM, aRE, AT: rEASONABLY INSPIRATIONAL, AT: i THINK i'M IN THE PROCESS OF RELEASING AT LEAST ONE TEAR,

Next, we'll look at the sopor usage and ostracization together, because I think they're interlinked. People on Gamzee's team are friggin' mean to him.

CG: MIRACLES ARE LIKE POOP STAINS ON GOD'S UNDERWEAR. TA: eheheh makiing fun of people2 reliigiion2 i2 the be2t thiing two do.

GC: NO TH4T SHOULD BOTH3R YOU, TH4T R34SON GC: WHY DONT TH1NGS L1K3 TH4T BOTH3R YOU?? GC: NO WOND3R V4NT4S C4NT ST4ND YOU

CT: D --> What you do appear to know is e%actly how to ma%imize my livid contempt for you CT: D --> With your revolting language and your sense of decorum CT: D --> At such breathtaking odds with the richness and perfe%ion of your b100d CT: D --> I just hate you so much

CA: that is the wworst fuckin advvice CA: wwhat an awwful thing a you to say CA: MAGIC ISNT REAL STUPID STOP BELIEVVIN IN IT

On the whole, the team treats him as the party joke, if not outright worthy of derision. The one person on his team who IS nice to him, Tavros, ghosts him after Gamzee is too forward and asks to make out with him. He's deeply lonely, and what's more, his introductory narration is littered with pessimism.

You'll be doing one thing then something else hits you just like that and you roll with it. That's what you do when life hands you lemons. You sure as fuck don't make lemonade because who the fuck knows where that fuckin' shit comes from?

Someone is bugging you. This is exciting. You're always down for shooting the wicked shit with anyone that who'll put up with you.

That last one makes it clear that Gamzee is also aware of how much people on the team don't like him.

I'm also of the opinion that "Soft Gamzee" was always fake and never existed, which is outright stated by Hussie from the book:

The best explanation for why Gamzee says he's scared of Vriska, in my opinion, is this: he's flat-put lying. It's a good way for him to maintain his cover as 'Soft Gamzee.' It also provides some ammunition for those who, against all sense of good taste and judgment, want to continue to believe and assert that Gamzee is a decent guy with sensitive emotions and vulnerabilities before he undergoes his Muderstuck awakening. He was none of those things, ever.

But there's evidence for this - Gamzee has actually always been kind of casteist:

AT: i THINK i'M IN THE PROCESS OF RELEASING AT LEAST ONE TEAR, TC: Me tOo, BrO, yOu mOtHeR FuCkIn kNoW ThErE Be sOmE Of mY EyE's RoYaL JeLlY To gO WiTh yOuR EmOtIoNaL pEaNuT BuTtEr. AT: wHOA, aHA, hA,

He's trying to be affectionately so here, but given Tavros's "whoa, haha," reaction, it seems like it's still a pretty out-of-pocket thing to say. Especially in light of GamRezi, it's pretty easy to read him as making passive-aggressive digs to Terezi here:

TC: I'm OuTsIdE kEePiNg An EyE oUt HeRe FoR tHe OlD gOaT. TC: yOu KnOw HoW iT iS wItH fAmIlY. GC: NO, NOT R34LLY! GC: 4DURRRR DURR DURP TC: Oh YeAh...

TC: hAvE yOu EvEr EvEn SeEn ThE oCeAn? TC: oR i MeAn SmElLeD iT... TC: SoRrY. GC: >:[

His reaction to Eridan is also "indulge emotional theatrics," but depending on whether you believe Eridan killed his lusus, it's debatably justified. I'm just going to mention that that's also there.

His constant assertion that Karkat is his best friend, which isn't reciprocated until after murderstuck, also kind of reads as a palecrush to me. This is supported by the fact that Nepeta has always had pale GamKat on her shipping wall - which I believe is more representative of how people feel and what they want than whether a romantic pairing is viable, as part of her Heart (and NOT Blood) powers.

He won't stop referring to Karkat as his best friend, really awkwardly changes the topic when the conversation has led to him having to acknowledge that Karkat is closer to Sollux (whom Karkat calls his best friend):

TC: yEaH mAyBe BuT hE's YoUr BeSt FrIeNd ThOuGh So It'S aLl CoOl. TC: AnYwAy I tHoUgHt ThIs SoUnDeD lIkE a PrEtTy BiG mOtHeRfUcKiN dEaL mY mAn. TC: aAaUuUhHh... CG: WHAT. TC: Aw BrO nEvErMiNd, I jUsT fUcKiN dId LiKe To ScArE tHe ShIt OuTtA mYsElF hErE. TC: tHeSe DaMn HoRnS.

(Sidebar about the usage of "best friend," Karkat pretty much outright says he's unreliable when it comes to who his best friend is at any given moment LOL - he spends pre-murderstuck insisting Sollux is HIS best friend. King of mixed signals.)

EB: who is gamzee? CG: HE WAS MY BEST FRIEND. EB: really? i thought terezi was your best friend. ... CG: GAMZEE WAS MY VERY GOOD FRIEND, WHO WAS THIS GOOFY LOVEABLE BULLSHIT CLOWN UNTIL HE WENT PSYCHO AND KILLED SOME PEOPLE. I LIKED HIM A LOT. CG: I DON'T KNOW, I GUESS MY BEST FRIEND IS REALLY JUST THE GUY WHO I HAPPEN TO BE FEELING MOST SENTIMENTAL TO AT THE MOMENT, IS THAT A FUCKING CRIME.

If we take Hussie's statement that Gamzee lied when he chased Vriska (whom he doesn't like) away from his horn pile -

GAMZEE: VrIsKa hEy yOu wAnT To uH… VRISKA: What? GAMZEE: ShIt, I WaS AlL GoInG To aSk iF YoU WaNtEd tO HoP In tHe hOrN PiLe fOr a bIt oF MoThErFuCkIn sHuTeYe, BuT… GAMZEE: I DoN'T ThInK I WiLl cAuSe i'm pReTtY MuCh sCaReD Of yOu, SoyEaH. VRISKA: Aww. ::::)

Then it stands to reason he's also lying about being scared of Jack so he can prevent Eridan from providing Karkat with emotional support:

CA: this is a lot a pointless fuckin rubbish and isnt no emotional help to him or me either for that matter CA: put kar on TC: UuUuH, i cAn't rEaLlY ThInK AbOuT InTeRvEnInG, tHe bLaCk fRoWnInG MoThErFuCkEr kInDa sCaReS Me

So, personally, signs point to Gamzee always having been a lot shiftier and meaner than he let on.

Naturally, that begs the question of why he's pretending to be nicer and higher than he actually is (not that he isn't high, but he's definitely more cognizant of what's going on than people both in- and out-of-universe give him credit for). Well, the answer to that is pretty simple: it's because he loves his friends and wants to get along with them.

You like to chat a lot with your pal Karkat, who is usually pretty cranky, but he is your BEST FRIEND. You have a lot of OTHER GREAT FRIENDS who you also like a lot.

Gamzee's story pre-murderstuck is a pretty tragic one about a kid who never got to learn proper socialization and has whacked-out religious beliefs, whose neglect from his lusus has left him with deep loneliness, who desperately wants to fit in with his friends, especially the lowbloods, and therefore feels the need to hide how pessimistic and angry he actually is under the guise of drug usage and not retaliating against the constant digs they make at him.

I also feel like I have to specify that Gamzee was already a pretty angry, mean, troubled kid prior to Murderstuck, because it helps to clarify his actions after being influenced by Lil' Cal. The nonlinear nature of the story kind of confuses the sequence of events, but it seems to be as follows:

Dave blasphemes against Gamzee's religion so hard that Gamzee has a total crisis of faith.

Gamzee has a breakdown and gets so pissed off that he oopsie-daisy'd a jester puppet into John's room on Prospit.

Gamzee, with his faith lost ("and now i don't know what to think about the spiritual fantasies i had"), Tavros dead, and thus in a very emotionally fragile state, is contacted by Doc Scratch and given instructions (likely to kill his friends and paint his wicked pictures in their blood). At some point during this, he falls under Lil' Cal's influence, too. As every person we've seen under LE's sway has very compelling, natural reasons for acting the way they do, I think it's better to see Lil' Cal's influence as influence and not mind control. It brings out the worst in its victims, but only what was already there.

This seems to give Gamzee a new belief system to replace/supplement the old.

TC: i've been kicking the wicked ignorance on this shit. TC: BEEN MOTHERFUCKIN SLAUGHTERING THE WICKED IGNORANCE, BRO. TC: all up in lifelong denial about my calling. TC: AS A DESCENDANT OF THE HIGH MOTHERFUCKIN SUBJUGGLATORS. TC: we are higher than you, brother. TC: WE ARE HIGHER THAN MOTHERFUCKIN EVERYBODY. TC: honk. CG: GAMZEE CG: PLEASE NO TC: and now i'm the last one, so i finally motherfuckin understand. TC: I FINALLY GOT MY MOTHERFUCKING UNDERSTAND ON TO WHO THE MIRTHFUL MESSIAHS ARE. TC: they were always both me. :o) TC: AND ALSO MOTHERFUCKING ME. Do:

Remember, his original belief system actually emphasized equalizing the castes - in death, anyway. It also never specified that the Mirthful Messiahs would be specifically highbloods. The hint that Gamzee had internalized casteism was always there, but now that his belief system has been supplanted by this new one, delivered by Doc Scratch (the story's Devil figure), his casteism becomes full-blown:

GAMZEE: heheh. GAMZEE: CHECK IT THE MOTHERFUCK OUT. GAMZEE: it's the peasantblood. GAMZEE: HEH HEH. GAMZEE: fuckin heh. EQUIUS: D --> Peasantb100d EQUIUS: D --> Is that a joke GAMZEE: if your blood. GAMZEE: IS A RUNNING MOTHERFUCKING GAG. GAMZEE: then soon. GAMZEE: IT WILL BE RUNNING. GAMZEE: through my motherfucking fingers.

TC: shit was motherfuckin poison, didn't you know? CG: UH... CG: NO? I MEAN, I WOULD NEVER EAT IT, BUT TC: THEN GET MOTHERFUCKIN SCHOOLFED ALL ABOUT THE WICKED NEWS, PUNCHLINE BLOODED MOTHERFUCKER.

Basically, the religious boy had a crisis of faith and was tempted by the Devil into becoming his servant - into desiring utter oblivion for everyone except his own continued existence within the one doing the destroying, rather than a paradise of love, friendship, and hope. And this new faith is what carries Gamzee through to the end of the comic:

KARKAT: HE STARTED GETTING SO UNBELIEVABLY SELF SATISFIED AND PIOUS, LIKE WAY MORE THAN HE EVER WAS BEFORE. KARKAT: LIKE HE'S JUST SO COMPLETELY CONVINCED HE'S FOUND HIS CALLING, THAT THIS SESSION IS THE GATEWAY TO THE PROMISED LAND WHERE HE'LL FULFILL HIS DESTINY. KARKAT: HE'S SO CAUGHT UP IN HIS IDIOTIC SCHEMES HE COULDN'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ME ANYMORE. KARKAT: WHATEVER. AT LEAST HE STOPPED KILLING PEOPLE.

So where does that bring us WRT the fake god-tier ensemble? Well, god-tiering in general is kind of a metaphor for becoming an adult - SGRUB/SBURB sets out for its player a quest directly tied into their maturation into adults, and god-tiering is (normally) supposed to sit right at the end of that questline, a semi-permanent state achieved at the end of adolescence. Characters who DO manage to god-tier without having naturally reached that point in their questline, especially Vriska, Dave, and Rose, have struggles that deal directly with "growing up too fast" - Vriska with the expectation that she be a vicious murderer, Dave with having never addressed his trauma and abuse, and Rose with having missed out on a loving relationship with her mother because she insisted on being more mature than her.

Gamzee's relationship to Caliborn is that of a parent:

ARANEA: It is just as well that cheru8 parents a8andon their offspring. Raising such a child 8y the familial standards of any race would 8e a monumental challenge. ARANEA: Nevertheless, it would seem there were those who tried. ARANEA: Details in my research suggest our villain had a num8er of acolytes oper8ting in the shadows, preparing for his arrival.

Kurloz also directly states that Gamzee's role in their religion is to serve and mentor their young lord:

KURLOZ: I COME BEARING THEE FINAL JOLLY ACCOUTREMENT MY FAITHFUL INVERTEBROTHER KURLOZ: THY BARDLY REGALIA IS DONE AND FUCKING DUSTED BY THE SPECIAL STARS THEMSELVES KURLOZ: ON THIS DAY THE DARK CARNIVAL REJOICED AND SAID IT WAS MONEY KURLOZ: NOW BRING TO LIFE OUR WICKED RUSE WITH APLOMB MY NINJA KURLOZ: OUR LORD AWAITS YOUR SERVITUDE AND TUTELAGE AT ONCE

And even beyond the religion aspect, Gamzee would take this job mother fucking seriously...

... Because his own parent failed him. See, we tie it all back to the beginning! Gamzee putting together a shitty fake god tier outfit is because he wants to be a good parent to Caliborn, an adult figure he never had in his own life, and god tiering is symbolic of that. And I think the saddest part is, he still didn't really manage to do that... because, perpetuating the neglect he faced from his own lusus, he wound up locking the two in a room and leaving them alone - possibly out of exasperation.

ARANEA: We will pro8a8ly never know who these scurrilous conspir8tors were. 8ut it is evident that at some point the cheru8 was locked in a room, either out of exasper8tion, or for its own good, until it was old enough to enter the session.

Like, I feel kind of bad for Gamzee, y'know? Especially since, alongside Eridan, he's one of the trolls the fandom seems to understand the least, and his story is also one of being failed by his family, society, and friends. This winds up turning him towards the worst parts of himself - the religious fundamentalism, the casteism, the emotional isolation - and away from the good - the fact that he loved his mother fucking friends, enough to wish upon them eternal paradise.

[kabutoden]

aphids update

since i started posting aphids, nearly the entire thing has been written. and i really want to see it complete!!

its especially a bummer because i wanted to put out each chapter in 1 month, which i almost managed to complete with the first chapter by focusing on the grind but not quite, burning out hard before completing it. ive had the pages inked for months now, they just need some touchups to be released. it’s just mostly cus I got work and work exhausting. yah know how it is.

i want everyone to know every couple of weeks i look at my aphids writing and comics WIPs and go WOW. GODDAMN. THIS SHIT GOOD. there have been a few changes and additions i've made in the past few months: some of them are just gags, while others are super valuable and i think these additions help with expanding the story. they aren't things i would have realized quickly. things that have been added include two raps, one by dave and slam poetry by karkat, but more importantly pacing improvements. so that’s cool

currently im working a temp job but im TEMPted (haha) to take some time off work and visit my family if they don’t keep me on. im considering taking some time between jobs to really make some progress on Aphids or my other projects. like finishing explaining bugstuck versions of all castes. maybe answering those asks too. i got some neato fantrolls to post i just spend forever explaining the characters whenever i wanna post. LAMMMEEE. ok bye -kabu

[crimewave420]

this is probably a longshot but do you still have those tracks from 2013 where you do the dave strider and karkat voices having a rap battle? love ur other stuff too ✌️

i don’t even know who those guys are