#karkat x roxy anyone?????

[cherryluvrx3]

meat lovers amirite??

Dave Strider x Reader x Karkat Vantas

Chapter 5

I went home with an extra pep in my step, resisting the urge to hop, skip and frolic around like a cutsie whimsical princess or something.

I shut the door to my room and kicked off my shoes, plopping into bed, stomach first with my legs kicking behind me.

I decided against texting Dave- and Karkat and John for that matter, because I didn’t wanna come off as weirdly clingy and desperate for “friendship”. Besides, they’re still working anyway. So instead, I go to text the group chat so I can report the good news.

It takes a few seconds before anyone answers but like always, Roxy is the first to respond.

Me

-!!!!

Roxy <3

- hey babe! What’s up?

Me

-You would not believe what just happened omhggg

Gamz :o)

-wazzzzzupppppp

Me

-Sooo

-I went to see Dave right

Nepetita :3

-Oooh really?? :0

Me

-Yesss

-N I got his number xP!!

Roxy <3

-omg rllyy!!

-wooo!!

Gamz :o)

- u text him yet

Me

-No ima wait a bit

-He’s still working

-also

-I got his coworkers numbers too xP

-They’re named John and Karkat

Roxy <3

-omg????

-girl you just

-3 dudes numbers!!??

Tezi >:]

-Since when did you have the sweet talking abilities for that?? >:0

Me

-I know I knowww

-Ima smoooooth opertatorrrr

-The men flock to me and bow at my feet as I walk by

Gamz :o)

-Waitttttt

-wait wait

-waittttt

Me

-what

Tezi >:]

-Wat >:?

Gamz :o)

-A guy named Karkat

-I might know that motherfucker

Nepetita :3

-a furriend of yours??

Gamz :o)

-Just a guy I met on a field trip like 2 years ago or smn

-we both got lost at the motherfuckin zoo freshman year

-like ours n his school was there at the same time n shit

-kinda just walked around tryna find like the groups we came with or whatever but I kinda gave up

-n he didn’t wanna walk around alone so he just stayed with me

-we was just chillin with the stingrays

-he was still tweakin tf out tho so I gave him a edible

Me

-Omg???

Gamz :o)

-motherfucker didn’t know it was an edible tho or else I don’t think he would’ve ate it

-we were tripping hard by the time we made it back to the buses lol

Roxy <3

-gamzzz 😭😭

-i don’t think u shld giv edibles to strangersss

Nepetita :3

-Yeah that's a little

-ermmm

-rude?

Gamz :o)

-was jus tryna help the guy

Me

-Well anyways

-I’m not like

-Actually interested in them or anything

-Just wanna be friends with them

Tezi >:]

-I thought you wanted to date pizza boy??

Me

-Oh Dave yeah

-I meant just him tho lol

Gamz :o)

-yeah for a sec I thought u were rlly tryna juggle 3 hoes at once

Roxy <3

-yeah righttt

-they can barely juggle dave alobe!!

-alone

Me

-I could totally have multiple hoes if I wanted???

Roxy <3

-yep

Gamz :o)

-mhm

Tezi >:]

-ok

Nepetita :3

-...well.. *sweats nervously*

Me

-FUCK YOU GUYSS

-WHAT EVA!!!!!

-I see you guys are just some hating ass bitches

Roxy <3

-not hating just being #real babe

Nepetita :3

-Anyways!! It’s great that you got Dave’s number!! Are you planning on texting him first or letting him come to you?

-Do you want to be the purredator or purray? :3

Me

-hmmm

-well I was thinking

-wait

-omg?

Tezi >:]

-Wat >:?

Me

-He literallyyyyy just texted me

-brb teehee

Roxy <3

-omgg? the stars r aligningg for u to hav ur momenttt

Gamz :o)

-get his ass

While John gave me his pesterchum user, Dave and Karkat gave me their regular numbers because they “weren’t fucking nerds” and so I put them into my phone’s contacts.

Pizza Dave

-hey dawg

Me

-hiiiii ? aren’t you still working? Lol

Pizza Dave

-yeah I’m still on the clock for like 2 hours but not much is going on

-there was one more call for delivery and I made Kat deal with it because I’m still recovering from that last traumatic experience

-told him I might have some serious PTSD induced panic attacks if I had to hold another pizza in my hands

Me

-Oh haha

-So are you likee

-Just chatting to pass the time?

Pizza Dave

-bingo. pretty much.

-I’d chat with John but right now he’s busy talking to like

-some other friend??

-like what the helllll

-I was the OG bestie yknow

-but now he’s over there getting all cozy with some dude he met on some online forum that’s just a cesspool for shitty movie lovers

-guess he wanted a guy who’d listen to him rave about nick cage without bitchin but I mean I was just keeping it real

-we’re literally on the clock. being on the phone while working is NOT allowed. you’d think he’d know better

… hmm..

Me

-Kinda sounds like you’re a jealous boyfriend lol

Why did I say that? Don’t know, thought it was funny and hit send before I could rethink.

He’d been typing consistently but I could see in real time his speech bubble stop.

I headed back to the group chat to update them, cutting off whatever they were talking about.

Me

-So he’s texting me rn bc he’s bored at work

Nepetita :3

-well that at least shows he’s thinking of you?

Me

-welllllll he just said he’s only talking to me bc his other friends are busy lol

-but I mean this is my chance to slide myself into his personal circle!!

I went back to me and Dave’s convo and- holy shit. While I was gone he was typing up a storm

Pizza Dave

-what

-no

-no way dude

-me and john are just buds

-that's my home dawg yknow

-like if I was jealous it would just be because of the friendship we have being threatened

-yknow what I mean

-like

-not at all like a jealous boyfriend those are like two totally different things

-besides I’m not gay

-and John isn’t either

-I think

-and if he was I still wouldn’t be gay

-cuz I think girls are really hot and have had a few crushes

-on girls

-so there’s like no way

-not that I have any problem with gay people

-and if John was gay that’d be cool and all

-I really don’t care

-cuz at the end of the day I’m not gay so that’s not an issue

-uh

Me

-OKAY I GET IT

-I was just joking bro

-You don’t gotta get all freaked out lol

Pizza Dave

-I’m not freaked out

-who’s freaking out?

-not me

-I’m chill

-chill as hell dude

-look up chill in the dictionary and you’ll see my face

Me

-Okay

-anyways

-what school do you go to?

Yeesh. I guess that boyfriend comment opened up a can of worms. I screenshotted the convo to share with the group chat.

Me

-Soooo… guys..??

Gamz :o)

-wow

Roxy <3

-Yikes he’s definitely closeted

Tezi >:]

-Totally. That’s actually kinda embarrassing

Nepetita :3

-Aww I feel kinda bad… but I mean he said he’s alright with gay people so

-it probably won’t be that long until he opens up and accepts that part of himself?

Me

-Yeah I think so too

-I don’t think he has a crush on John specifically but he’s def fruity

-even if this whole relationship thing doesn’t work out ima stick to with him to support him cuz boyyy does he need it!!

I go back to chatting with Dave and he seems to have calmed down. We both learn a bit more about each other after 15 minutes he says he has to get back to work. We said our goodbyes and I headed to take a shower so I could process all the information I learned today.

Maybe I’ll talk to him tomorrow during lunch? Even though we have different schools, apparently our bell schedules matched up and we even had lunch at the same period.

I yawn and tuck myself into bed for a few hours of scrolling on my phone.

———

a/n btw John was talking to Jake, no I'm not shipping them

Also Dave is closeted and in denial.

I see both him and Karkat as bisexual but since this fic is supposed to be gender-neutral I don't think I'll go into too much detail on how that could affect his relationship with reader bc it's different depending on who you are. I might end up making reader bisexual too but idk bc I don't want readers who aren't bi to be 'forced' into it. I mean all I know for sure about you guys reading this is that you're attracted to men (or just reading this bc you're bored lol)

Also Karkat is also a bit closeted but he's very much aware of who he is, he's mainly closeted because he knows Dave is iffy around his own sexuality and is worried Dave will see him different if he comes out to him.

[agerefandom]

Characters That I Headcanon As Caregivers

‘Caregiver’ isn’t really a unique experience like regression is: anyone can be a caregiver, just like anyone can be a babysitter, but some people really enjoy it, and these are some characters that I think would really thrive with a kiddo to take care of! 

See also: characters that I headcanon as regressors! 

Underlined names lead to moodboards, headcanons, or fanfictions! 

Yakko Warner (Animaniacs) 

Shouta Aizawa (My Hero Academia) 

Yagi Toshinori (My Hero Academia) 

Ochako Ururaka (My Hero Academia) 

Caduceus Clay (Critical Role) 

The Doctor (Doctor Who) 

Aziraphale and Crowley (Good Omens) 

Stanley and Stanford Pines (Gravity Falls) 

Hannibal Lecter (Hannibal/Silence of the Lambs)

Luna Lovegood (Harry Potter)

Remus Lupin (Harry Potter)

John Egbert (Homestuck)

Roxy Lalonde (Homestuck)

Karkat Vantas (Homestuck) 

Martin Blackwood (The Magnus Archives)

Georgie Barker (The Magnus Archives) 

Pepper Potts (Marvel) 

John Watson (Sherlock Holmes, misc. adaptations)

Carlisle Cullen (Twilight)

Esme Cullen (Twilight)

Toriel (Undertale) 

Cecil Palmer (Welcome To Night Vale)

Charles Xavier (X-Men) 

[crappy-homestuck-confessions]

Headcanon Anon here with the kids' individual senses of humor!

John-Zany, prank-filled, with slapstick! Not out to hurt anyone's feelings, just mildly annoy/confuse strangers and friends and family.

Rose-Snark, dark humor, casually intrusive wordplay. Has a hidden goofy side that only friends know about but likes to present herself as a Rule 63 Cigarette Smoking Man from X-Files with an even worse sense of humor.

Dave-Anti-humor with rambling monologues and left-fielders galore. Probably went to sleep watching Tim & Eric and would get along great with Neil Hamburger.

Jade-Loves math humor and feghoots; actually likes to work for her laughs, the poor soul (Remember, she is canonically able to make Kanaya laugh so make of that what you will.)

Terezi-Sick, distressing, prank-filled sense of humor that's a dark mirror of John's. Basically swears by the healing power of schadenfreude. Could take Eric Andre's desk in a heartbeat.

Kanaya-Morbid, literalist sense of humor. So dry that most people don't tend to know if she's joking or not.

Tavros-Self-deprecating, surprisingly dark at times sense of humor. Casually mocks any unfortunate events that befall him, regardless of the seriousness.

Karkat-Wants to come off as serious but likes it when people show dedication to a joke, like H Jon Benjamin's jazz piano album.

Sollux-Loves snarking and loves being snarked at. Is also partial to particularly negative reviews of things as long as it doesn't rely on shouting and obvious bias.

Feferi-Very juvenile sense of humor with a love of puns, toilet humor and bring up sexual topics in non-sexual situations. Giggles everytime at the "hide under there/under where?" gag.

Eridan-Not really a laugher but does chuckle at hearing a good pun every once in a while.

Nepeta-Loves her puns and her small pranks like hiding kills in friend's pillows. Thinks pushing cups off tables is the height of comedy.

Equius-Enjoys gentlemanly Oscar Wilde-esque snark; also enjoys his share of puns.

Meenah-Loves puns, pain, people being in pain, breaking stuff, and Aranea's long-winded shaggy dog stories. She'll kill you if you tell anyone the last part though.

Vriska-No sense of humor. Does funny things, says funny stuff but has no timing, can't tell a joke to save her life and hates comedies.

Jane-Loves sitcoms, one-liners from detective dramas and verbal bathos.

Jake-Loves one-liners and pratfalls. As well as the good ribbing from any of his friends.

Roxy-Loves pranks, flirtations (even more than Rose, believe it or not) and coding humor.

Dirk-Very dark sense of humor and loves to keep people in the dark about how serious he is about any given topic; he likes it even more when even he doesn't know (re: his MLP obsession)

Aradia-Twisted sense of humor almost as dark as Dirk's; believes nothing's off the table and will only stop when her target audience tells her to, nothing more, nothing less.

Gamzee-Loves bad jokes and stupid sounds; will probably laugh at a joke without you having to finish it.

Damara-Sexual humor is her main weapon and everything is looking like a target; will do anything outside of actual battery to make her target uncomfortable.

Rufioh-Has a wide range of humor but seems to prefer observational comedy.

.

[kandyarts]

On that note, which ships are you not comfy with? :0 or like, dislike

I’m gonna assume this is homestuck-related but if you’d like a list of ships I don’t like for other fandoms lemme know!

- Kanaya and Rose x any guys (obviously)

- Dirk x any girls (obviously)

- Jane x Roxy (I just rlly don’t like how Jane treats Roxy it makes me sad)

- John/June x Karkat (just not a fan)

- Karkat x Terezi (i don’t like them shipped together, but I’m fine w Karkat’s canon crush on Terezi)

- Jake x Dirk (I like their relationship and history together, but I don’t think they should be together romantically)

- Dave x John/June (just not a fan)

- Gamzee x Karkat (definitely not canonically, but for AUs and such? idk I never rlly thought about it)

- Vriska x Tavros (nooooooo)

- none of that inc/st shit!! NOOOOOO

- Jade x Dave or Karkat (wouldn’tve been that bad but bcuz of a certain epilogue + sequel it leaves a really bad taste in my mouth)

- none of the dancestors w anyone other than other dancestors

- Nepeta x Karkat (fine if Nepeta likes Karkat but not a fan of the ship)

There’s probably more but I can’t think of any rn, These ships apply to all quadrants. other common ships that I didn’t mention here I probably like, am cool with, or (most likely) don’t have an opinion on it. If there are any particular ships you’d like to know my opinion on feel free to ask!

[thewebcomicsreview]

Homestuck 2 has updated! Christmas is ruined!

Previously, on Homestuck 2: Literally nothing happened, and a non-trivial portion of the patreon supporters gave up and quit. Can this update pull a Christmas miracle and right the sinking ship of Homestuck 2? Probably not, but let’s find out! 

We’re back in Candyland, having completely skipped over Karkat and John talking about Dave’s apparent death, because this comic is only interested in long conversations when they’re boring and not about anything at all. That’s alright, I got the gist of it.

When Karkat is finally gone, John still doesn’t move. It isn’t as though he has nowhere else to go, since there are quite a few places he might attempt to make himself useful, for better or for worse.

So, it appears to be morning now, meaning that John’s son has been missing in a war zone for almost 24 hours and I guess John literally forgot Harry existed?

Prediction: This conversation is going to end in some variant of “Where is our son?” “Oh shit!”

ROXY: hey john can u do me a quick solid

ROXY: actly idk how quick itll be but its definitely solid

ROXY: harry anderson says i just missed u being here but could u skip back on over?

What.

So, I went back and checked, and apparently nowhere is it explicitly said that Harry Anderson was also looking for the Vriskas, so I guess he....stayed home? Which makes sense, I suppose, but maybe a “Stay here I’ll go look for them” would’ve helped. I wasn’t the only one who thought Harry was out looking for Vriska too. 

ROXY: sup

ROXY: follow me

ROXY: well were just going to my room so i guess technically u know the way

JOHN: haha ok.

John follows, trying to shake the ominous feeling he got from what she’d just said. He’d been in and out of this house a lot in the past few days. Why should this be any different?

Is Roxy....horny? Is the solid she’s looking for John’s dick? I mean, that’d make her saying Harry wasn’t available kind of weird, but I think this framing is a fake-out.

...

What the fuck is that lamp, Jesus Christ it’s awful. Just a cat’s asshole, facing the door.

ROXY: r u kiddin me rn egbert

JOHN: i’m not? unless you were, in which case yeah lets say i was also kidding.

JOHN: oh my god, i’m sorry, i don’t know why this making me freak out.

ROXY: i remember our past boot knockin with fondness but that is a situation im not interested in revisiting

Oh hey, it was a fakeout. Good job, Homestuck 2. You successfully implied something just through the art. Art which, by the way, looks a lot better than the last chapter. There are backgrounds and everything. I wonder if Chapter 15 was rushed out due to Hiveswap and that’s why it was so weak?

He’s almost embarrassed by how relieved he feels. So what if his ex wife wanted to hook up? Shouldn’t that be a situation he could navigate? Don’t people like to find solace in human physical connection during dire times? Why did the idea of it make his mind white out in panic more than, say, any number of the traumas he just experienced?

I’m not the biggest fan of the way the narration is going JOHN IS AFRAID OF SEX WITH ROXY LIKE HE’S A TEENAGE VIRGIN AGAIN (LIKE IN HS1!) AND IT DOESN’T REALLY MAKE SENSE PLEASE REMEMBER THIS IT’LL BE IMPORTANT LATER, but okay, noted.

ROXY: u said ur house is gone??

JOHN: yep.

JOHN: completely.

ROXY: jeez

Heh. I like Roxy, still. 

JOHN: so i just sat there, watching, trying to figure out why watching my house burn down felt like i was being released from prison.

If this comic actually uses the phrase “home” and “stuck” in the same sentence I’m turning this blog around and we’ll go right back to Winnipeg.

ROXY: aight then no wind bending just use your mangrit

Roxy flexes, the corner of her mouth pulled up into a familiar grin. John feels his guts, so recently calmed, twist up into knots again. Her eyebrows shoot up and the smile loosens. He must have shown something on his face.

ROXY: ok or just like push when i push

ROXY: we both got sick muscles

ROXY: no other adjectives necessary

I feel unqualified to talk about how hard Roxy is pushing the June Egbert thing.

....Is that the fucking portal from Hiveswap under a tarp? Also hi Candy Callie, appearing in HS2 for the first time. One of the Calliope’s is nonbinary, I think, but I honestly can’t remember and I think it’s Meat Calliope? 

JOHN: do i get to know what that big thing under the sheet is?

ROXY: hmmmmmm no

JOHN: oh ok.

JOHN: are you sure? i mean, it seems like a pretty prominent feature of the room.

JOHN: space.

JOHN: wherever we are.

ROXY: and a totally mysterious n COMPLETELY inconspicuous feature it will have to remain for now

ROXY: we r kinda in a hurry here fyi

ROXY: and by that i mean

ROXY: we are in precisely the amount of hurry that means im excused from having to a that specific q rn

JOHN: right, sorry.

JOHN: i will pay no attention to the object behind the curtain.

ROXY: u catch on fast egbert

Oh thing HS2 has not been great at is that it has a lot of plot mysteries that are supposed to keep us enticed but they don’t really get implanted into the audience’s head (Remember Vrissy mysteriously collapsing that one time? Probably not, she did it off screen and the boys kind of laughed it off). This one’s hard to miss.

JOHN: so... this is all downstairs?

JOHN: it seems like you had a lot of work done.

ROXY: well no not x actly

ROXY: were in the old meteor

It’s kind of weird how this meteor keeps popping up like this. 

CALLIOPE: besides, hUman divorces are even more fascinating than i had ever imagined, and being able to witness yoUrs in motion was an honoUr.

This is an unexpected but not unwelcome direction for Callie to have gone.

CALLIOPE: ah right, right. yoU're probably a little cUrioUs as to where the dickens we are.

CALLIOPE: how much do yoU know aboUt black holes?

Oh, wow, we’re going right there, then. This does seem like a bit of a reaction to complaints HS2 wasn’t shmoovin’ enough, but maybe I’m reading too much into it.

CALLIOPE: no, i mean, what if oUr whole WORLD was inside a black hole.

JOHN: ok.

A’ight, that got a laugh out of me

JOHN: ugh, i fucking KNEW it!

JOHN: i'm so sorry.

JOHN: i'm so sorry that i put the earth inside a black hole everyone. ):

I like this conversation a lot. 

ROXY: iirc at least part of y u got so weepy was the fact that u couldnt believe a version of earth existed where ppl got 2 watch more mcconaughey films than you

JOHN: listen.

JOHN: i simply don't think you all appreciated the gift you were given.

Quite a bit, in fact.

ROXY: ur not gonna enter a weird time vortex and change the trajectory of a little girls life with the power of love

JOHN: aw.

Roxy and John have a good dynamic. 

CALLIOPE: bUt Upon her departUre, the rift closed for good. as far as i can see, there's simply no way for Us to commUnicate with the world oUtside the black hole.

CALLIOPE: i woUld certainly be very sUrprised to find oUt that anyone had managed sUch a thing!

JOHN: ...right.

John’s phone has very good coverage, since he was able to talk to Terezi in the epilogues, as we’re being subtly reminded of here with that ... before the “right”. I wonder if it still works after alt-Calliope left.

CALLIOPE: oUr exclUsion from the overarching coUrse of events which governs all reality means that oUr existence here is liable to dramatic and violent Upheaval.

CALLIOPE: to pUt it another way, becaUse nothing in here "matters", we are likely to be sUbjected to things which are a bit bats in the belfry, for no reason other than it's totally insignificant to the wider canon of reality.

CALLIOPE: and mUch thoUgh i am personally titillated by some of the conseqUences of this predicament, it is a degrading way for Us to live. u_u

Okay, so we are now being explicitly told that living in the black hole is fucking with the characters and is part of the reason they make such baffling decisions, like Rose not telling Kanaya about Yiffy, or naming her daughter “Yiffy” in the first place.

CALLIOPE: we need yoU to free vriska from the clUtches of oUr misgUided friend jane, and bring her here, to the singUlarity.

ROXY: weve been calling it the plot point

CALLIOPE: yes, the plot point is a key part of oUr plan

CALLIOPE: as far as we have been able to sUrmise, the only remaining method for escaping oUr grim confinement depends on leveraging the UniqUe properties of this location to create an event of sUch catalcysmic proportions that it simply cannot be contained within the black hole any more.

CALLIOPE: something SO dramatic, so hyper-relevant, that it becomes ontologically impossible for anyone to ignore it.

CALLIOPE: for that, we need an individUal of sUfficient narrative cloUt, so to speak.

CALLIOPE: and to liberate her, who better than the embodiment of the aspect of freedom itself?

So, the plan is literally for Vriska to be such a Huge 8itch that the black hole itself gets sick of her and yeets Earth C out of its own event horizon to freedom.

This is actually a great plan. 

And that’s Hamsteak. This definitely feels like a bit of a reaction to complaints about HS2, but hey, I dig it, I guess? Definite improvement over the last chapter.

[ask-the-party-god]

let us know if anyone has brownies [you know the context]

im like 90% sure karkat and dave are gonna be getting high, and i wouldnt be surprised if roxy joined in X)

[homestuck-headcanonymous]

2weetheart2

a/n: this is part of the tiktok au, so sollux is a famous twitch gamer and feferi is a tiktok star in a presumed “love triangle” with eridan ampora, a commentary youtuber and brother of cronus ampora the famed tiktok eboy, and sollux. this one takes place a little later in the timeline, so they’ve all graduated highschool

disclaimer: i’ve never seen a twitch stream, because my computer can’t handle it.

stream: “tiime to bully 2mall chiildren on fork kniife with the boy2″, August 14, 2020, by users twosquared, coolerthanu, toreadorneverland, and shoutykat. ran from 5:30 pm DST to 8:00 pm DST

streamtime transcript, from 7:30 pm DST to 8:00 pm DST

twosquared: hell yeah, ii ju2t kiilled BOTH tho2e famiily vlogger chiildren!! at ONCE!! 2uck on that, eiight-year-old2 who make more money than me!!

coolerthanu: nice, dude

toreadorneverland: wELL,, tHEY CAN’T REALLY,, hELP BEING EIGHT,, rIGHT? sTILL,, gOOD JOB,, i GUESS

coolerthanu: they can help it, just go up to a birthday cake and press age up. poof! cool teen!

shoutykat: ...DAVE, HOW LONG WERE YOU PLAYING THE SIMS *THIS* TIME? DO I HAVE TO GO OVER AND LURE YOU FROM YOUR WEIRD FUCKING GAMER DEN OR SOMETHING? DO I NEED TO CALL YOUR SISTER TO MAKE OMINOUS THREATS FROM A SHADOWY DOORWAY AT YOU AT 3AM?

toreadorneverland: wAIT,,, yOU WERE SERIOUS WHEN YOU SAID THAT? i THOUGHT IT WAS A JOKE! dOES,, iT ACTUALLY WORK?

twosquared: fiir2t of all, what the FUCK are you guy2 talkiing about? 2econd of all, are we just goiing to glo22 over the fact that tav 2aiid “ii gue22″ to me getting a double kiill2hot?? a DOUBLE KIILL2HOT??

toreadorneverland: sORRY,, yOU KNOW I DIDN’T MEAN IT LIKE THAT,,, rIGHT?

coolerthanu: dw bro, he’s just being dramatic for the hell of it. he’s not actually mad.

shoutykat: ALSO, WHAT THE FUCK IS *UP* WITH YOU AND THE NUMBER TWO? YOU’RE ALWAYS DOING THOSE DUMB FUCKING DOUBLE KILLSHOTS.YOU’RE FUCKING OBSESSED WITH IT. I KNOW YOU’RE A GEMINI, BUT I DON’T GO AROUND CALLING MYSELF “CANCERDUDESIXTYNINE”, RIGHT?

twosquared: iit’s like de2tiined to be, kk. my eye2? two diifferent color2. my triick move? two kiill2hot2 at once.

coolerthanu: his dick? two of them. arms? two of them. 2 x 2 is four- his approximate mental age. also yes, sol, i stole that line from rose.

twosquared: ii’m bii2exual. ii have a boyfriiend AND a giirlfriiend. the only connectiion between you and cancer ii2 that that’2 what people call your content.

toreadorneverland: oH WOW DUDE!! uHH,,, i SUPPORT YOU!! 

twosquared: ah 2hiit. that 2liipped out.

coolerthanu: are you, like, serious dude?

twosquared: fuck.

shoutykat: SOLLUX, I REALLY HOPE THIS ISN’T ANOTHER ONE OF YOUR SHITTY JOKES.

twosquared: goddammiit.

coolerthanu: dude if you need us to end the stream we’ll do it, i know coming out is kinda risky sometimes-

twosquared: actually, y’know what? fuck iit. thanks for the offer dv, but i don’t need it. yeah, i’m really fuckiing bii. yeah, ii’m datiing a guy and a giirl, and y’know what? they’re both fuckiing amaziing, and iif anyone’2 gonna quit 2upportiing me becau2e of that, then ii don’t giive a 2hiit. ii love my giirlfriiend. 2he’2 2weeter than fuckiing 2ugar and ii’m pretty 2ure iit’s 2ciientifiically impo22iible to be 2ad iin the 2ame room a2 her, iit’2 liike 2he’s made of 2un2hiine, 2he’2 adorable. ii al2o love my boyfriiend ju2t a2 much. he’2 a huge goddamed romantiic, he briing2 me flower2 and he 2tay2 up late memoriiziing love poem2 so he can reciite them to me when ii can’t 2leep liike a fuckiing lullaby, he’2 kiind and gentle and wonderful. and they’re datiing each other too, and that’2 great, becau2e iit make2 them both really fuckiing happy.

twosquared: my giirlfriiend 2pend2 like 2 hour2 before each of theiir date2 fu22iing over her makeup and what to wear becau2e 2he want2 to look pretty for u2, even though my boyfriiend and ii both thiink 2he’2 beautiiful no matter what. my boyfriiend ii2 the only one of u2 that can actually fuckiing cook, 2o when we have date niight2 at home, he alway2 2pend2 hour2 makiing 2omethiing fanta2tiic for iit. my boyfriiend and my giirlfriiend are both early biird2 so they do thii2 thiing iin the morniing where they curl up next to each other on the couch and my boyfriend driink2 hii2 fancy tea and my giirlfriiend driink2 her riidiculou2ly 2weet coffee and they read together, and that’2 liike theiir thiing, and iit’2 the fuckiing cute2t.

twosquared: who know2? maybe 2omeday we’ll end up datiing 2omebody el2e too, and then ii’m gonna love that 2omebody, becau2e they’ll be theiir own per2on wiith a miiliion diiferent thiing2 to fall iin love wiith. ii’m happy wiith who ii am and who ii love and ii’m not giiviing 2omeone the chance to force me to hiide that. love i2n’t fuckiing fiiniite unle22 you make iit be. iif 2omeone can love one partner iinfiniitely, why can’t ii love both of miine the 2ame way? ii’m not goiing to claiim that every poly relatiion2hip is good, but iif there’2 no balance iin it, then that’2 not a problem wiith the relatiion2hiip, that’2 a problem wiith the people iin iit.

coolerthanu: ...damn, my guy. okay. cool. first of all- great speech. moving as hell. second of all- we have your back, especially if someone tries to shit on you about this. when i came out, you literally wingmanned me into a relationship with karkitty over there. third of all, this is the exact same way that roxy came out to me as nonbinary, why does this keep happening.

shoutykat: OF COURSE WE SUPPORT YOU, YOU NUMBSKULLED FUCKASS. WHY WOULD WE *NOT* SUPPORT YOU? WHO WAS THAT RANT EVEN FOR? THE TWITCH CHAT THAT’S BEEN GIVING YOU LIKE FIVE SUBS A MINUTE? THE ONE FULL OF RAINBOW POGGERS? *THEM*?

twosquared: ii mean ii wa2 kiinda braciing my2elf for a way wor2e reactiion, 2o thii2 ii2 a plea2ant 2urpriii2e. al2o, kk, “fucka22″? ii mean ii’m flattered that you thiink ii’d be a top, but frankly that’2 ju2t iincorrect.

toreadorneverland: wELL,,,yOU SEEM REALLY HAPPY,,i’M GLAD!! aS LONG AS YOU ALL LOVE EACHOTHER,,, tHAT’S ALL THAT YOU NEED!! oNE,, uHH,, qUICK QUESTION THOUGH,,, nOT TO BE RUDE,,, bUT ARE THESE PEOPLE,,, wHO WE THINK THEY ARE? uHH,,, iT’S JUST,, tHAT THERE’S TWO PEOPLE WHO,,, uHH, sEEM A LOT LIKE,,, tHEY COULD BE,,,yOUR BOYFRIEND AND GIRLFRIEND,,

twosquared: aw thank2 t! and yeah, unle22 you’re liike 2uper mii2guiided, iit’2 probably them.

coolerthanu: yeah, we know, you three are the least subtle people on the planet. do you guys want emotional repression lessons from dirk or some shit? you’re so obvious.

twosquared: agaiin dave, thank2 for the offer but that 2ound2 awful, and no. al2o, can we wrap thii2 up? ii’ve got an appoiintment wiith the large cuddle piile of blanket2 and my cool hot boyfriiend and giirlfriiend on my bed over there.

shoutykat: UGH, *FINE*. WE ALL ALSO DIED IN FORTNITE WHILE YOU WERE GIVING THAT SPEECH ABOUT THE INFINITY OF LOVE ANYWAYS, SO IT’S PROBABLY TIME. WE’VE ALL GOT STUFF TO GET TO ANYWAYS.

coolerthanu: aw karkitty, if you were so excited to meet up with me, why didn’t you just say so?

shoutykat: ...SHUT UP.

toreadorneverland: uHH,, sOLLUX, aRE YOU GOING TO,,uHH,,dO THE SIGNOFF? ,,,i MEAN I CAN DO IT,, iF IT’S AN ISSUE,,,

twosquared: nah dude, ii know how you hate doiing the 2ignoff2, ii can handle iit.

twosquared: 2o that’2 iit for today, everybody! pre22 2ub2criibe to 2upport the channel, and follow to get all 2tream notiifiicatiions. ii 2tream every 2iingle day from 5:30 tiil 8:00-10:00 LA tiime, 2houtykat 2treams monday to friday at around the 2ame tiime, coolerthanu 2tream2 whenever, but he’2 got a youtube channel, 2triiderbrozproductiion2, and toreadorneverland 2tream2 game2 on monday2, wedne2day2, and friiday2 from 5:00 pm tiil 8:00 pm, plus a 2torybook 2tream every thur2day from 7:00 tiil 8:00. youtube channel name2 are the 2ame a2 twiitch for me, tavro2 and karkat, and all other 2ociial mediia2 are on our profiile2. ii2 that everythiing?

coolerthanu: yeah dude, you got it. bye, everyone.

STREAM ENDED

Sollux breathes a sigh of relief as the lights and cameras and monitors, one by one, click off, leaving the room gently lit with the glow of Feferi’s fairy lights strung up around the room. From behind him, a pair of arms wrap around his shoulders, the pink glitter on the nails softly shimmering. He greets her with a kiss on the hand, and soon he’s curled up with his boyfriend and girlfriend in bed. These nights are more common now, all of them legal adults in one house under the artificial stars of the LA sky.

“Eridan? Can you do that thing you do?” Feferi whispers, careful if for no more reason than to not break the soft stillness of the darkening room.

“What do you mean, dear?”

“The way you recite poems. You know, when I can’t sleep.” Sollux murmurs, lisp just peeking through.

Sollux can feel Eridan start to blush, even in the warm darkness.

“I... didn’t know you both..remembered it that much. If you’d like though, I’ll try.”

Eridan’s voice settles like a melody in the room, gentle and lyrical around the delicate words.

“How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach, when feeling out of sight for the ends of being and ideal grace..”

Sollux realizes that his hand is interlaced with Eridan’s, Feferi’s draped overtop. He doesn’t remember doing it. It is second nature to him, the soft affection of being present. The lights glimmer down to nothing. A peacable, if early, night. There is a sense of contentment, of a longing fufilled- one that he hadn’t known he’d had.

“I love thee to the level of every day’s most quiet need, by sun and candle-light”

Eridan remembers, absentmindedly, while saying words that he knows by heart. He remembers the grating harshness of loneliess- of wanting, so badly, to be fixed by another that he could not fix himself. He remembers the fear of realizing the way he loved was different. He can still feel the weight of all he has left to say, the idea of coming out to an audience built on dregs of rejection and rejecting hangs like the sword of Damacles over his head, but it is easier here. The world seems softer, wrapped in the gentleness of favourite blankets and the light of a waning moon.

“I love thee freely, as men strive for right. I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.”

Feferi has always wanted to do what’s right. She knows that she can’t always know what’s best for everyone, but she still feels guilt at every percieved slight. She loves too deeply, too fiercely, Eridan used to tell her, with too solemn an expression for such a young face. She had a heart big enough for the entire world. She knows that she wants to come out on her own terms- a teen starlet who’s pan and polyamorous is hot news to pick up, after all. She’s scared to, of course- she knows that a part of her soul will still be the little girl she once was, starving for affection, but she’s growing. Learning. And in the arms of the two boys she loves, she feels as though, for a moment, the entire world is right.

“I love thee with the passion put to use in my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.”

Learning the boundaries of their relationship when it was new wasn’t quite easy. it wasn’t something any of them had ever done before. Feferi was the one to suggest it first- it would break her heart, after all, to break either of theirs. They hated each other at first- rivals over a girl, tale as old as time. Still, it slowly simmered and faded. Sollux saw the walls of protection fall when Eridan brought Feferi a dozen pink roses, eyes not competing, but earnest. Eridan saw the bravado collapse when Feferi fell from the branch of a tree while filming and Sollux rushed to her side, eyes wide, hoping she was alright, begging her to never do that again. An understanding turned to an alliance, and an alliance turned to love. It was December, and they were sitting together at Feferi’s insistence, hot cocoa and a book to while the night away. Eridan read in the same voice, and at the ending, he left a feather-light kiss brushed over Sollux’s lips- and Sollux pulled him back in.

“I love thee with a love I seemed to lose with my lost saints. I love thee with the breath, smiles, and tears of all my life; and, if God choose, I shall but love thee better after death.”

It was a warm night, cozy and cooled by the breath of autumn in the air, and there they lay together, lulled to sleep by the melody of a love poem and the gentlie chimes of wind on glass, Sollux’s heart filled to bursting with love for his sweethearts. There was a gentle, whispered, goodnight.

a/n: the poem is how do i love thee, or sonnet 43, by elizabeth batter browning. it’s like 4am so i didn’t proofread and i’m also very sentimental.

[cherryluvrx3]

meat lovers amirite??

Dave Strider x Reader X Karkat Vantas

Chapter 3

I stopped pacing around the room when I heard the doorbell ring. I practically ran to the door then stopped just in front to compose myself. Straighten out my clothes and pat my hair down and take a deep breath before I opened the door.

Dave, who was waiting on the other side, heard the heavy footsteps of someone running to the door.

‘Am I gonna get jumped??’

The pause.

‘Maybe they had a change of heart.’

The deep breath.

‘No they’re definitely getting ready to fight me.’

And the door opened to reveal a.. sweaty, nervous looking dude- the same one from last time actually.

“Uh..” Dave quickly peaked behind them and didn’t see anyone else, hiding or otherwise. “Your friends didn’t set you up like last time?” He smiled albeit a bit nervously.

“Oh! No I eh.. just.. asked for you myself..”

“..really?”

“Yeah really..”

“…”

Awkward….

“….Right.. well your total is $9.99..” Dave took out the pizza from his little pizza carrier.

“Hopefully it isn’t burnt this time.” I joked and Dave seemed to look surprised.

“Wait really? Your pizza was burnt last time?”

“Uh yeah, like half of the pepperoni was singed. I mean my friend ate it anyway but still.” I said and took note of how he looked sort of confused.

“Yeah that’s.. kinda weird? My friend is the one who makes the pizzas and he usually follows the Pizza Hut pizza making regulations like, word for word. Sort of like a perfectionist? I feel like if he burnt a pizza he would’ve remade it. Or are these false accusations you're putting on my bro’s name?” Dave questioned with a quirked brow and crossed arms.

“No?? Why would I lie about that dude?” I laughed.

“Well I mean, you didn’t call to replace it either.”

“Yeah ‘cause my friend already tore that shit up.” I snickered and pulled out a $10 bill to pay him. He seemed more relaxed now, smiling as he took the money.

“Oh, keep the change, buy yourself something nice.” I winked. “Well aren't you made of money? Sure you can give so much to little ol’ me?” He chuckled and pocketed the bill. “I have more money than I know what to do with man.” I lied confidently as if this pizza didn’t use up the rest of the money I had for the week. “Ha! Have a good one. I’ll let you know if anyone I know needs a sugar daddy or something.” He laughed and walked off.

I closed the door.

Hehehehehe!!!!!

I giggled and tossed the pizza on the counter, running to my couch and flopping down to text the group chat, my legs kicking behind me.

Me

-GUYS

-GUYS OMGGG

Roxy <3

-wat wat wat!!!

Me

-I talked to him :3

Roxy <3

-wooo!!! yeah baby!!

Tezi >:]

-Ok… and?

Me

-wym

Gamz :o)

-so what else

Me

-I just

-Talked to him

-Idk what you want me to say

Nepetita :3

-(Y/n)!!! You have to do more than just TALK to get close to him!! *Nepeta pouts and taps her foot*

Me

-IDK WGAF TO DO!!??

-Like I think,, laughing with him and making small talk is a good start righttt

Roxy <3

-yep def a good start

Tezi >:]

-Stop feeding into their delusions!!

Roxy <3

-what i do? 😭

Tezi >:]

-You’re coddling them and letting them take baby steps! They need to make big jumps to make progress >:/ you could’ve asked what school he goes to, how old he is, when his birthday is, his work schedule, his address or

-Or something!!

Gamz :o)

-yeppp exactly what she said

-remember I said ya gots to take risks babe

Me

-mannn >:/ let me take baby steps

Roxy <3

-yea!! theres norhing wrong with wanting to tske things slow and easy

-its better rhan them coming off as desperate tbh

Nepetita :3

-I guess… but still!! You have to do a little better than having a short pleasant conversation with him okie?? At the end of the day we want you to be happy but you gotta try to okie??

Me

-Yeahhhh :/

-I guess I can like.. go to the actual place and try to chat him up there then ask for his number?

Gamz :o)

-mhm that’s a good idea lil mama

Me

-Yeeeshhh I’m just so like nervous cuz he’s like… so cool

-Like what if he thinks I’m a loser and laughs in my face

-I think I would die

Tezi >:]

-Then fuck that guy!!!

Roxy <3

-yeah I don’t rhink you gotta worry bout nothing

-like I’m very sure if that happens terezi and gamzee r gonna stuff him in a oven 💀

Gamz :o)

-fuck yeah we will

Nepetita :3

-don’t be nervous! You’re literally so epic! I purrmise he’s gonna end up liking you beclaws who wouldn’t!!

Me

-dawwww :>

-ty little meow meow

Nepetita :3

-:3 *hugs you*

Me

-*accepts hug*

Tezi >:]

-*TEARS HUG APART

-*GRABS (Y/N) BY SHOULDERS AND SHAKES THEM*

-YOU CAN DO THIS

-YOU BETTER DO THIS

-BECAUSE WE’RE ALL TIRED OF YOU COMPLAINING OF NOT HAVING A BOYFRIEND

Me

-Okay okay!!

-I’ll try harder

-not today or tomorrow tho

-soon tho!! I swear

-I got missing work too do remember

-but yeah I’ll try harder

Roxy <3

-great :)))

I sigh and toss my phone on the couch while I get up to eat the pizza that’s probably gone a bit cold now.

Yeah I’ll definitely approach him better. Someday.

Damn this pizza is burnt again?

———

The bell on the door jingled as Dave entered the store. He tossed the keys back to Aradia who was looking through a crusty magazine from 2015.

“Do you want me to take over deliveries again? We got two more calls.”

“Uh yeah but stay here for a bit? Need to chat with Karkat real quick ‘fore I man the phones again.”

“…but the customers need their pizzas.” She looked at him with a strangely intense gaze.

“Uh.. they can wait a few minutes bro. It’s not the end of the world.” He nervously joked before dipping to the back.

“Hey kat.” He greeted his friend who just finished boxing a pizza. “Oh. What do you want Dave?” He grumbled and moved the pizza to the counter for Aradia to grab.

“So the guy I delivered to just told me the craziest thing. That the pizza they got a few days ago was actually..” Dave paused for dramatic effect, “burnt..” he slapped his hand over his mouth in faux surprise.

Karkat visibly stiffened.

Dave didn’t notice though because he was more focused on teasing Karkat.

“I thought your pizzas were your ‘works of art’? Your ‘babies’? And you burnt one? What if this affects the store's reviews huh?” He laughed and elbowed Karkat.

It was then he noticed the strange look of guilt on Karkat’s face.

“Uh..dude?”

“..it was a mistake. So what if some schmuck got a burnt pizza?” He grumbled and went off to look for something to occupy his hands.

“Well yeah I wasn’t accusing you of doing it on purpose,” Dave paused and turned to look at Karkat, “did you.. do it on purpose..?” He asked, with a confused smile.

“AGH!”

uh oh.

“WHO CARES!?”

here it comes.

“GET OUT! GET OUT!! GO DO YOUR FUCKING JOB DICKBAG STRIDER!”

Karkat snapped and shoved Dave out the kitchen and back to the front of the store.

Before Dave could try to talk to him again, Karkat already rushed to the break room and slammed the door shut.

“…”

“.. I will go deliver the pizzas now.” Aradia got up quickly, snatching the two pizza boxes and leaving.

Dave checked the clock to see how long he had left on his shift.

2 hours.

Goddamnit.

———

a/n - I sure use "..." a lot... but I like it.. hehe...

idk its just so I can portray the timing of their pauses while they speak and they make a lot of pauses *skull emoji*

also nepeta's contact name is 'nepetita'. I'm mexican and adding "ita" to something is sort of saying "little" in an affectionate way so her contact is saying 'little nepeta' if any of u are confused

[bladekindeyewear]

HS^2 bloggin’ mainline 2020-08-23

More homestuuuuuck

I’m a little tired today so I don’t expect much intelligent analysis out of myself, but if anything classpecty happens I doubt I’ll be able to help myself regardless.

oh, always

(EDITS: added note on horn colors, link to ask on potential Blood powers reference)

> CHAPTER 12. Really Convoluted Metaphorical Horseshit

cuuute

In the bowels of a different ship, at a moment in time that is not pinpointable in either direction from the previous interaction, another Dave raps quietly to himself.

another dave raps quietly to himself.  i am glad that phrase exists it brings me joy

(LATER EDIT: A friend on Discord pointed out that throughout this entire update, Karkat's horns are #FF0000 red. They were normal candy-corn colors in previous glimpses at the ship crew, though they used a dark single-color shortcut typical of old Homestuck at one point... but THIS time it stays STARK red even when we zoom in close later. Is this just artistic liberty? Did Karkat color his horns for fashion? Does this happen to red-bloods like the Sufferer after a certain age? Just how much time has actually passed, here? We might have to wait for the commentary for this one.)

KARKAT: I WAS SAYING I THOUGHT WE MIGHT GO, I DUNNO, ANYWHERE ELSE ON THE ENTIRE SHIP WHILE THE CLOTHES WERE WASHING. KARKAT: SEEING AS THIS DECREPIT MACHINE WE WERE SO BLESSEDLY PROVIDED WITH MAKES A WHIRRING SOUND SO PANCHAFINGLY ARHYTHMIC THAT IT THREATENS TO ERADICATE THE ENTIRE CONCEPT OF TEMPO FROM THE UNIVERSE.

Karkat really has chilled out hasnt he?  like this is surprisingly level for him, and that fact is hilarious.

KARKAT: AND YET SOMEHOW BASICALLY ALL THAT HAS HAPPENED SINCE WE STARTED THE LOAD IS THAT YOU’VE BEEN USING IT AS A FUCKED UP BEAT TO WHISPER TO YOURSELF ABOUT FLOWERS TO.

oh gosh that’s why he’s rapping

> ==>

DAVE: kanaya was telling me this kids story the other day about this dude who didnt cherish a flower enough until it peaced out to do flower stuff idk its not pertinent to the story DAVE: except the flower was a person DAVE: because it was a metaphor

Oh right, coming back to the Little Prince stuff I was too lazy to metaphor-deep-dive into, and literally asking the same questions we were asking about who the Little Prince’s story applies to mapped here if anyone at all, like Dirk and such, or what biases were in the retelling of it and the way Kanaya phrased it.  So now we’re practically mocking it by deep diving it here, hence the last page’s “DAVE: i was just thinking through some really convoluted metaphorical horseshit”, which means we’re both about to further explore AND shit all over the existence of this story metaphor until it doesn’t mean anything and most of the meaning we drew from it earlier is made a joke~

well, not “we”, cause I was too lazy, so... y’all

DAVE: anyway what goes down in the story is that once the flower lady is out of the picture DAVE: the main character goes around making all these connections between her and everything else in the universe until every damn thing feels like a symbol for how much he fucked up and how much he will never see her again KARKAT: THIS SEEMS PRETTY FUCKING INTENSE FOR A KID'S STORY DAVE: yea thats pretty much what i said

Oh holy shit.  That’s yet another way to put it.  Are we doing a whole moral takedown of the Light aspect today?  cause it sounds like we’re taking a dump on the Light aspect and RoboRose getting too obsessed and immersed in it, which would be excellent

DAVE: but i guess its not so much what the story was technically textually about but more like the version of it kanaya internalized and then told me when we were talkin about how she misses rose

exactly

DAVE: so like now im taking the story she told me she was projecting her feelings onto and projecting my feelings on top of that

yes absolutely, you just rephrased it a different way with that exact same bias

DAVE: this is just one big game of emotional projection telephone so feel free to go paraphrase it to roxy later and make it about whatever fuckin thing youre currently missing

perfect. i need an emoji for that Italian thing for when you pinch your thumb and forefinger together and kiss it

ah this’ll do:

its like the expression “choice” but in nonverbal form

[...] whatever fuckin thing youre currently missing KARKAT: YOUR ABILITY TO GET TO THE POINT DAVE: gotem DAVE: anyway you’re not gonna have to miss that skill of mine for long DAVE: get ready for this shit because i am about to slap you with the point so hard youll fall ass first into the washer DAVE: just scrambling around in there getting all sudsy DAVE: but your brain is gonna be so blasted from the mindfreak of a point im about to make that there wont be anything left to clean

Anytime dave is told to get to the point he is contractually obligated to spend at least 20 seconds talking about how he’ll get to the point in a way that is not getting to the point

DAVE: so its genuinely cool that kanaya can go around creating meaning that may or may not be actually present in every little thing DAVE: connecting every feeling she has to the idea of her wife existing out there DAVE: so i told her she should keep that shit up DAVE: but im having the opposite issue where im struggling to find anything to be that kind of tether because every single thing i could possibly consider about what it is were doing just reminds me of yet another thing to be afraid about

Great examples of Light being good and bad!  Attaching strands of connective meaning to everything.  --though, in Dave’s case AND Kanaya’s case you could argue it’s both bad in terms of effects.  That it’s great for Kanaya to care, but that she should be able to divest herself and live on her own terms without idealizing Rose literally everywhere she looks, personal growth which would be useful in helping bring Rose back to her in the first place.  The struggle they’re looking forward to is largely philosophical, not just physical, and until Rosebot acknowledges that she was wrong it’s not over.

DAVE: everything fuckin sucks huge cosmic donkey sack and im terrified KARKAT: OK, SO I FEEL LIKE YOU SKIPPED A COUPLE NECESSARY STEPS IN YOUR POINT CLARIFICATION PROCESS.

Pretty sure Dave was on the same page as most Epilogue and start-of-HS2 readers.  This situation is pretty bleak to dump our heroes into, no matter how much we believe will be resolved in the long run.

DAVE: ok but were you going with sweet or savory please give me that much at least KARKAT: YEAH IT WAS GOING TO BE SUNDAE-BASED. DAVE: nice KARKAT: YEAH. KARKAT: DO YOU WANNA WATCH MORE GBBO AFTER THIS? DAVE: absolutely

--ah, Great British Bake-Off, can’t say I’ve indulged

do they still have that?? did they save it from old Earth?  or did they go where unflooded Britain used to be and say hey, new show reboot

KARKAT: GREAT. ANYWAY, LIKE I WAS SAYING, FOR THE LOVE OF SWEET HUMAN CHRIST, PLEASE BACK UP TO WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU’RE ACTUALLY SCARED OF. KARKAT: ALSO COME HERE, IDIOT.

That last line is like, exactly as fucking sweet and awesome as we imagined their relationship to be.  :)

> ==>

OH MY GOD THAT’S ADORABLE

DAVE: ok yeah this is a better position to unleash all my inner fears n anxieties from

indisputably.

DAVE: those times its like my mouth was saying words about the situation wherein our friends are AWOL and maybe dead but my brain wasnt fully letting me experience the emotion that goes along with them DAVE: man its like i cant even start genuinely thinking about how afraid i actually am for rose and john without my brain flippin its wad and whiting out DAVE: like haha fuck i hope theyre ok DAVE: now i better make a fuckin joke before i succumb to the gaping mouth of despair waiting for me to fall in it as soon as i look down and acknowledge that its there ogling how juicy my ass looks as it trembles with terror

I really hope that the writers of HS2 know full well that this feeling? the one Dave is describing here? is what many of us who got way overinvested in the well-being of Homestuck’s surviving characters felt reading the Epilogues and Homestuck^2.  So I really hope they’re working through it in a way that will result in a preponderance of GOOD THINGS happening and hope-filled situations.  Cause that “can’t even think about X” feeling is too familiar, and if they understand it as well as it LOOKS like they’re getting to, I’d really like them to give us a helping hand healing.

I think that’s what they’re going for?  Seems hopeful for me to think so, but they HAVE been doing better as HS2 has been going forward, from an emotional standpoint anyway; definitely better than the Epilogues.  And I’ve worked through some of that stuff with the help of that, because it’s MUCH easier nowadays to think about Homestuck without my gut clenching.

DAVE: i guess im just fucked up about how to worry about dirk and be angry at him at the same time DAVE: because if i get as unholy pissed at him as i sometimes wanna be i also gotta admit to myself that maybe i coulda done something different there

Mhmm, Karkat’s potentially a pretty good person to speak with here since he’s done so much work trying not to feel responsible for everything that’s ever gone wrong.

DAVE: also like DAVE: and this by the way adds a whole other layer of guilt on there that i dont really know how to fuckin reckon with but DAVE: even with all the shit hes pulled and the fact that we are more or less heading toward having to take him down DAVE: whatever that is gonna mean and whether or not he planned it like that DAVE: i just DAVE: me and him had come so far with each other and it was really cool for a while to have him and i DAVE: ugh DAVE: i dont WANT to hate him

Yeah, Dirk and Jane’s heel-turns were really shitty for anyone who was a fan of them in the fanbase, as well.

KARKAT: WELL THEN QUIT FUCKING PICKING AT THE SEAM ON MY SHORTS AND SPIT IT OUT. THEY'RE BARELY HANGING ON TO THE DEFINITION OF "SHORTS" AS IT IS.

That is an adorably real boyfriend-laying-in-boyfriend’s-lap thing to do

DAVE: the part i mentioned before about how we really have no goddamn clue how long this trip is even gonna take DAVE: i cant help but feel like its barely getting revved up DAVE: and for me and roxy and jade and callie and kan thats normal shit at best and boring at worst but we all have our immortality to thank for that DAVE: we can just dick around in space for near-eternity waiting to catch up to our friends who may or may not be our enemies now and itll be fine DAVE: i mean no itll be categorically miserable DAVE: but well survive it KARKAT: HOLD THE FUCK ON. DAVE: but you KARKAT: DAVE. DAVE: no lemme say this

Oh god damnit.  Karkat’s limited lifespan.  As if we hadn’t ALREADY covered a nauseatingly extensive gamut of disheartening topics of conversation.  We really have to confront every shred of misery in their past, present and future one after the other after the other in the Epilogues and HS2, don’t we?  >:(

I guess it had to be discussed, though.

DAVE: we dont talk about it much and i got shit to say about it DAVE: its not like i never thought about how youre mortal before but i just thought wed be able to figure it out before it mattered DAVE: come up with some kind of plan DAVE: i was just distracted being happy with you i fucking guess and so i didnt think up a way to fix it DAVE: and now thanks to dirk we have to work it out right the fuck now DAVE: because i cant spend this trip just sitting around watching you get old and die

Jesus.  I mean, WE know(?) that it’s not gonna be THAT many years, but THEY don’t know that.

Unless it really IS going to be that many years and HS2 is going to shamelessly take a fucking sledgehammer to our feelings for no goddamn good reason.  Which it won’t!  Right???  >:T

> ==>

Dishwasher ding

> Dave: Grapple with the clean, soggy consequences of the passage of time.

Hey, don’t make it a metaphor here. --though, fuck.  I suppose we are dealing with everyones dirty laundry.  God damnit.  SURE, deal with it all story but then GET IT OUT OF THE WAY AND PUT SOME SERIOUS FUN AND LAUGHS IN HERE so we don’t feel like we’re wading through an entire garbage dump!!!  *click*

Karkat’s eyebrows-only mouthless frown is really cute.

> ==>

okay Karkat explain the nope you’re lodging

> ==>

*put*

> ==>

*foot*

> ==>

DAVE: ok go on

I mean I at least appreciate the time investment in adorable boyfriends.  That’s definitely something of SOME good value they’re giving us in exchange for this misery

> ==>

That Karkat image makes me wanna do that red-shaky-gif-thing with it

KARKAT: IT'S NOT LIKE I'M NEW TO THE PARTICULAR MOOBEAST WRANGLING EVENT OF SOMEONE I PREVIOUSLY LOVED BRUTALLY TURNING ON ME AND LEAVING ME TO TRY AND CRAM MY FEELINGS ABOUT THE SITUATION BACK TOGETHER ALL ON MY OWN.

True

KARKAT: HE DID THAT ON HIS OWN. AND WE MADE THE CHOICE TO GO AFTER HIM ON OUR OWN.

Yes, and you’ll possibly convince him more of that over time, though not in this short conversation

KARKAT: I WAS FOLLOWING YOUR LITTLE TRAIL OF COOKIE CRUMB FEARS UNTIL IT LEAD TO THE BIG SNACK FINALE OF WORRY ABOUT MY FRAGILE MORTAL MEATSACK. KARKAT: IF I HAVE SOMEHOW NOT BEEN CLEAR ABOUT THIS WITH YOU YET, LET ME GO AHEAD AND RECTIFY THE SITUATION RIGHT THE FUCK NOW. KARKAT: HANGING OUT WITH YOU ON THIS LONG TRIP TO WHO THE SHITTING FUCK KNOWS WHERE IS QUITE LITERALLY THE HAPPIEST I HAVE EVER BEEN IN MY ENTIRE MEAGER EXISTENCE. KARKAT: I'M SO ABSOLUTELY BLISSED THE FUCK OUT OF MY MIND TO BE ABLE TO LOOK AT YOUR STUPID IMMORTALLY SMOOTH HUMAN FACE SKIN EVERY DAY AND NOT HAVE A COMPLEX ABOUT IT.

D’AWWW

And with that darkly angry expression too, that’s PERFECT

I mean it’s true.  What exactly would they be doing DIFFERENTLY on Earth C other than enjoying each other like this?  It’s pretty fucking great.

...hm.  Isn’t this journey-not-the-destination stuff pretty Breathy?  Karkat’s proving more balanced by the moment.

KARKAT: AND I'LL BE STRAIGHT WITH YOU. IT'S NOT LIKE I HAVEN'T BEEN EXPERIENCING SOME COMPLICATED GUILT, MYSELF. KARKAT: THE FACT THAT I'M HAVING THE TIME OF MY LIFE JUST FUCKING CHILLAXING AND BEING IN LOVE IN SPACE IS A CLEARLY INCONGRUOUS WITH THE REASON I'M ACTUALLY HERE CHILLAXING TO BEGIN WITH, AND I'M NOT LETTING MYSELF FORGET THAT, EITHER.

Pff.  He feels guilty for ENJOYING IT so much.  <3

KARKAT: BUT I RESENT THE IMPLICATION THAT MY HAPPINESS IS REGISTERING FOR YOU AS YOU HAVING TO JUST "SIT AROUND AND WATCH ME GET OLD," BECAUSE I KNOW YOU KNOW IT'S MORE THAN THAT.

I’m glad Karkat knows that DAVE knows somewhere in him that it’s more than that, because yeah, if Karkat thought he DIDN’T know that at some level that’d be a reason to take MUCH MORE SERIOUS offense.

KARKAT: LIKE, JESUS, DAVE. YOU KNOW I'M AFRAID FOR YOU, TOO, RIGHT? KARKAT: OR DID YOU FORGET THE WHOLE HEROIC DEATH THING? KARKAT: I WORRY ABOUT LOSING YOU FAIRLY FUCKING REGULARLY.

Hah!!!  Point taken.  Karkat must view Dave as practically more fragile than HIM.

KARKAT: ONE: WE'VE BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH HELLACIOUS PANWARPING TRAUMA THAT I REFUSE TO NOT ENJOY THIS SHIT WHEN I FINALLY FUCKING GET IT, NO MATTER HOW LONG IT MAY OR MAY NOT LAST. KARKAT: TWO: IT'S NOT LIKE WE'RE DOING NOTHING. WE’RE MOVING. WE’RE WORKING. WE’RE HEADED SPECIFICALLY TO A PLACE WHERE WE WILL UNDOUBTLEDLY ENDURE YET MORE FUCKING HELLACIOUS PANWARPING TRAUMA. KARKAT: AND THREE: WE'RE DOING THAT BECAUSE WE HAVE FRIENDS WHO WE CARE ABOUT THAT NEED US. THAT IS OUR FOCUS, HERE. NOT OUR FEAR. IT'S ABOUT THE PEOPLE WE HAVE TO SAVE. KARKAT: SO DON'T FUCKING WORRY ABOUT ME, DAVE. I'M FINE.

Okay, this is great and wholesome.  I am now retroactively GLAD that this topic got brought up.  :)

> ==>

Dave is still afraid. There is a part of him that will always be, he thinks. He has accepted this about himself. There is another feeling coursing through him too, though. It’s something he's felt before, though never quite so intensely. He looks up at Karkat and understands, viscerally, the simple power his words have. They pump through Dave’s own body, alive and warm and true.

He wonders if Karkat realizes it, or if he’s just, as always, saying what he feels as he feels it. Dave doesn’t attempt to dissect it further. There will be time for that later.

Every really loving moment like this is sort of undercut by the fact that it’s also, in some senses, part of alt!Calliope’s narration and, by extension, her fanfiction.

EDIT 2: There's also either a hint to potential Blood powers or even an explicit Blood power use here that I didn't recognize. I'm leaning towards it's-laying-the-groundwork-for-future-use-of-Blood-powers-but-isnt-magical-in-this-case.

> ==>

Smooooch!

That was nice.  Still gonna wait on doing any commentary til next time or a Bonus update or two, cause I’m beat.  See y’all next time!

[cttrajan1206]

11, 17, 18, 25, 33, 37, 44, 46, 47, 55, 75, 76, 90, 94

TEA THATS SO FUCKING MANY FOR THE HOMESTUCK THING

11 : Favourite Alpha kid?

LISTEN DONT DO THIS TO ME. I??? Uhhhhhh god i. I really love the strilondes i know its basic but they're all so good and Dirk was done way too dirty. I dont have favourites skshsjf i like Jake the least but i love the rest so much. I guess?? If i had to choose?? Roxy.

17 : Favourite Beta kid?

Uhhhh same problem at Alphas TwT the Betas get a lot more development but either Rose or John.

12 : Favourite Alpha troll?

Aaaaaaaaah this changes as i loveeeee them allllll. I am gay for Vriska but she is also an asshole, I also love Gamzee but he is also an asshole but OH MY GOD I JUST REALISED THEY'RE BOTH MURDEROUS PEOPLE WITH BIG GRINS AND THATS WHY I LIKE THEM. Ghhh I also self project sm onto Eridan when writing him and I often use Kanaya's quirk bc i love her. Nepeta is adorable and I actually like Equius. Karkat is so fun to write and Tavros is baby. Aradia is cool af and so is Sollux. Terezi is just badass af. Honestly telling u my least fav would be easier. Ok but probably like. Idk. I cant. I literally cant. Dont really like Fef much tho lmao

Also I KNOW THIS ISNT WHAT U ASKED BUT I REALISED WAYYYY TOO LATE THAT THEY ARENT BETA CHARACTERS SKDBJFT SOOO FUCK YOU

18: Favourite Beta troll?

Alright LISTEN. I LOVE KURLOZ A LOT. But also like, there's a mix. I love Rufioh ngl he's really cool. Meenah is badass af. Latulaaaaa i love her. Aranea is a flashy Serket lmao i loved her info stand. Honestly Kankri is downright funny hed be fun to piss off. Mituna is baby and Cronus needs to fuck off. Damara is funny lmaooo i dint understand a word she says but she will say it anyway XD oh but Porrim is goddamn amazing. Meulin is so cuute too.

Hmmmmm im not sure, i dont really like the zahhak of this bunch as much but the reactions to his quirk were hilarious. Its not like they all got much development other than Meenah and Aranea but i suppose... Kurloz and Porrim. The ones im gay for lmao

25 : Favourite Alternian ancestor?

Ok but i actually really liked the Grand Highblood lmao and also the Marquise Mindfang. The Dolorosa too! Hahaaaa idk ill pick the Dolorosa i liked her and her outfit.

33 : Favourite pale ship?

Oh i actually love the idea of Jadekat lmao! And I was like thinking Roxy x Sollux bc coding brossss

37 : Favourite vacillating ship?

Listen we all know I love Erikar as a flushed ship but Erisol as a vacillating ship is for me

44 : Character you'd choose to be your austispice?

Probably Vriska bc she's described as being good at it lmao im like. Only 70% certain how it actually works lmao why couldnt you have asked me the other ones qwq

46 : Character you'd be best friends with?

Oh I don't know, I love them all! Ok not all but I love so much of them!! I'd want to be friends with Calliope and Dave and Roxy and Dirk and Johnnn and Jade and Jane and Jake

Ok probably Rose and John honestly idk if anyone else would take me though i'd love to do raps with Dave XD

47 : Patron troll? Are you happy with them?

Had to look this up aksvskjf Apparently its Equius I think? Which makes sense since im a Sagittarius and honestly I love this sweaty awkward douche

55 : Beforus or Alternia?

Ahhhh Beforus has a softer meaning of culling but I haven't seen that its actually much better than Alternia and I know more about Alternia too. Honestly Alternia ig? I would likely die but hey

75 : Do you like bloodswaps? Do you have a favourite?

I've seen these one(1) occasion and it was fuchsia Karkat before i fully knew the trolls lmao. I haven't like. Really seen enough to fully say anything? But it would be cool to see the highbloods as lower ones with the stuck up sides to Equius and Eridan's personalities

76 : Do you like kidswaps? Do you have a favourite?

I dont know what this means???

90 : Favourite Homestuck AU?

My own, Macbethstuck skdhjdf but also i like humanstucks and this one fic got me into Twilightstuck lmao

94 : What would your strife specibus be?

Nunchucks and Bow and arrow likely tho i need more practice with both

[starlitfunkster]

That Moment When You Have A Very Long Text Post For Those Who Want To Give You A Gift

So if you don’t want to do this and just want to do one of my OC’s, its the ones that I have shown off so that way you don’t confuse anyone who hasn’t been here in a long time. In short, the first part of this post is my OC’s, as it is a shorter list. The read more will have all of my favorite characters from all of my favorite franchises (including Bomberman).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

OC’s

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Problem Sleuth (most recent): Masterful Leader, Antique Ace, Runned Starchild, Nihilistic Void (Can be in Heinoustuck for AA, I haven’t finished with ML, RS and NV yet)

MLP (even if she’s just a joke): Minty Fresh

MHS (oh boy here we go (don’t worry i will post some of them on the archive blog)): Bijue, Yuuri, Limonca, Staff, Beu, Eclair, Frost, Kitsaru, Tangy/Margo, Oracu, Vimian, Habbit, Bakeneko, Yami

Bomberman: Petal Bomber, Spirit Bomber

Homestuck Intermissions: Yeol, Deceit, Netta, N, Bisy

Isle of Objects (which is being rebooted on Quotev, with archive images going onto the archive account one at a time): Illumina, Chamomile, Cocoa, Sunhat, Pluggy, Jewel, Cakepop, Sweetie, Sketchbook, Muggy, Savepoint, B-Day Cake, Candle, Silk, Rocket, Egg Putty, Prince Antennae, Dog Bowl, Blueberry, Bubble Wand, Nagatama, Addie, Subbie, Log, and Carde

Homestuck Fantrolls (will be posted on the archive account): Pamina Lovlou, Dollia Jonezz, Zolzen Acerui, Masara Lucend, Lumare Slithr, Riseta Gloria

Homestar Runner Series: Bubbles, Fructosians, Coach X, Coach Y, Flame, Whispy, King Cobra, Kira Miracuru, Kay-T, Seraphock, Wendy the Weatherdoll, Kasairo, and The Artist

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Favorite Characters

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Problem Sleuth: Problem Sleuth, Pickle Inspector, Hysterical Dame, Nervous Broad, Death, Godhead Pickle Inspector, Demimonde Semigoddess (You can also draw these in Schemastuck and in Mobsterswitch if you so wish)

Homestuck (oh boy): John Egbert, Roxy Lalonde, Nepeta Leijon, Davesprite, Dave Strider, Dirk Strider, Fefetasprite, Erisolsprite, Eridan Ampora, Feferi Peixes, Aranea Serket, Sollux Captor, Mituna Captor, Jake English, Lil Hal, Karkat Vantas, Kankri Vantas, Damara Megido, Aradia Megido, Meulin Leijon, and more in the Intermissions!

MHS: Hikky, Liddy, Chaps, Dokky, Inky, Juno, Rosso, Tubee

MLP: Apple Jack, Rarity, Princess Cadence

BFB (OH BOY): Gelatin, Firey, Coiny, Puffball, Needle, Pen (i mean ben), Ice Cube, Balloony, Woody, Bubble, Ruby, Nickel, Fries, Remote, Tree, Liy, Stapy, Foldy, Marker, Flower, Robot Flower, Bell, Taco, Grassy, Cake and Loser

Inanimate Insanity: Lightbulb, Marshmallow, Paintbrush, Bow (Inanimate Insanity II Bow is a little less annoying in my eyes), Test Tube, Taco, Fan, Yin-Yang, MePhone 4, Balloon, Soap, OJ, Pickle, and Pepper

Homestuck Intermissions (mostly Felt): Clubs Deuce, Itchy, Doze, Trace, Fin, Clover, Crowbar, Matchsticks, Eggs, Biscuits (You can draw these guys in Trickster Mode, though thats only if you want to-)

Bomberman: Plasma Bomber, Any of the Bomberman Brothers, Pretty Bomber

Fan Characters: While I normally don’t choose favorites, I have come to the conclusion that if people wanted to draw them with my characters you can as well. Representation of yourself is the best, especially if they are a Felt or MLP OC.

Pokemon: My favorites are Meloetta, Ribombee, the Popplio family, the Snivy family, Steenee, Floette, Aromatisse, and Sylveon

Sonic Series: Tails, Cosmo, Cream, Chaos (just any chao because they are all wholesome and cute)

Kirby Series: Knuckle Joe, Kirby, Meta Knight, Poppy Bros Jr

Homestar Runner Series: Strong Sad, Homestar, Marzipan, Pom Pom, and Coach Z

[thepumpkintimeline]

Omega Kids and Their Parents

I’m going to preface this post in saying that these are my Omega Kids idea: Tiffany Longsticking Harlonde-Maryam, Vrissy (Not Vriska), Tavish Crocker, and Harry-Anderson. Last name of Harry-Anderson is.. in progress/non-existent.

So, I’m rethinking what relationships I want to include in this story line. A lot of similar “timelines” made by others have a Davepeta² x Jade relationship. I really enjoy this idea! A lot! However.. it won’t be a part of my story.

Mainly, this is because of their sacrifice in the Meat timeline. “In canon” Davepeta went into the black hole, without a shard of reality embedded in them so I don’t think they’d have a chance of escape. (However a Jade did, similarly to Vriska).

I already made a post elsewhere about this, but I think regarding Jade she will be paired with Kanaya and Rose. Jade is of course MtF and not... doggified.

Now comes Vrissy. I’ve been thinking about Vrissy for a while, and I don’t dig the whole clone thing. If anything, Vrissy would be a descendant of Vriska. Even then... why would you just name her Vriska? It seems a bit weird to me in the way that Kanaya once was into Vriska and whatever. So, I’m not sure if Vrissy would be related to Vriska or if she should be her own troll. I like her design so I want to keep it relatively similar. Right now I just changed her horns a bit (and her last name to reflect her parents). Another idea is if she would even be a Harlonde-Maryam..?

Now Jake... I’m not at all sure how to write him if I’ll be honest. There’s lots of debate about Jake and his attractions. Mostly because of (from what I’ve seen) people headcanoning him as autistic and aromantic. I personally find it very hard to identify myself with a label, and I think that Jake also feels it’s difficult from certain text conversations. Having Jake explore/realize his identity will be important, but with me also not understanding myself, I feel that would be hard to write. Some links here about people’s thoughts on the topic as well as confusion with aromanticism and autism I’ve been looking at. (Which kinda sounds on par with Jake)

But as I think about it, Jake having a relationship with Dirk or Jane isn’t healthy for him. He’s got very low self-worth and wants to distance himself from everyone because he sees himself as a burden. Which... a relationship he’s on shaky ground with could exacerbate. I don’t think he should be in a relationship with Jane. Whether he is aro or not.

Speaking of Jane, I want to do a lot of work with Her. Along the lines of not being a fascist dictator. I want to get more into her friendship with Roxy. But if I decide to go down a route that has Jake as just friends with her then where would that leave Tavish? Without re-reading, I have a pretty good idea that Jane wants a child, and while she wanted one with Jake maybe that wouldn’t be best. So adoption could be a possibility, or Jane has a child with... someone else completely. Who would that be? I don’t know. But Tavish will come from somewhere. And if anyone has suggestions I’m glad to hear it.

Now, Harry-Anderson won’t be the child of John and Roxy. Previously I toyed with the idea of Harry-Anderson being the ecto-baby of John and Roxy while Roxy is with Callie. But... thinking about it? I feel like Roxy wouldn’t have wanted a child. It seems somewhat out-of-character for them. If Harry-Anderson lived with Roxy and Callie, I think there would have to be a good reason. Perhaps they took him in from some other situation..? Acting like his (piblings?). I’m not quite sure. Hell, if he’s taken off the streets they could be seen as more of a cool elder sibling relationship rather than taking parental roles.

I’ve also seen people grabbing a kid from Dave and Karkat’s relationship to replace another. But I’m not sure how I feel about that either. I think they like each others company, but I personally don’t feel like they’d want to start their own family. With both of their issues, no offense, but they might not be good parents. Karkat I could see helping in the caverns, he has a soft heart. But I’m not sure Dave would be comfortable raising a kid.

[dahniwitchoflight]

Candy 18-21

oh, oh no

I’ve heard things about Jane x Gamzee

now I get to experience them, oh boy...

Gamzee gets, strangely serious about stuff for once, huh, who would have thunk it

yeah, It’s clear Jane’s political stuff seem to stem from some kind of fear that one day humanity won’t exist on Earth C for whatever reason

that over time, the population of trolls versus humans will eventually skew so much that there won’t be any adam and eve left to match up with each other

in her mind she really doesn’t hate trolls, cuz its not really about the trolls, not at all, but obviously her actions are equivalent to someone who does hate them and she just doesn’t get that

and like, yeah if you just left them to their own devices, maybe that would happen, but then (and I can’t believe I’m saying this) Gamzee has an extremely good point that they already did that when they plopped all the ectokids down and called it a day for a 1000 years, like, they managed to figure it out on their own just fine

and also

ectobiology will literally never stop being a thing so like, as long as some of the god kids stick around, eventually you can just make more humans it’s no big deal to restart the human gene pool since it will be identical to the first time they started it

there’s no reason to make sure this system runs smoothly the “natural way” it won’t, this situation is unnatural for both species

Jane’s just gotta realize that if she wants humans to keep sticking around, she just has to keep supporting the human population, that’s it, whatever trolls do or don’t do doesn’t matter for that goal

course it doesn’t help to compare trolls to animals when talking about their breeding rate and how it naturally evolved over time unlike the apparently non animal humans Janey

Also Alternian society is def not how troll society naturally is but like how could she know that? And how could any troll near her really explain that? 

aaaand I got so up in taking this seriously I forget who was talking

Jane’s into troll blackrom though that’s interesting and unexpected 

oh wow, Jake was there the whole time

Did they really name Jake and Jane’s baby Tavros??? oh jeesus

Yeah Kinda figured the Jane x Jake thing wasn’t gonna actually be happy

I’m really surprised Jane’s version of happiness apparently involves boinking a weird funny man I mean, she canonically likes clowns and jokes, so at the same time I’m not surprised, I mean, she WAS raised by the condesce, it’s just weird how that influence comes out in her sometimes versus how it doesn’t come out in her

literal Jake nightmare scenario though I think lol

really hammering home how the passions of youth don’t really translate well to happy adult relationships

Oh, so there’s the part where Jade reveals she has Bec biology, considering the fandom reaction you’d think we were gonna get some kind of gross M rated sex scene where she pegs Karkat or something

but all she does is talk about how she’d love a normal family and home life and lament that her circumstances ended up not really allowing that and giving enough hints that we can figure out why that would be

it’s not handled grossly at all, even if the subject matter is odd and it doesn’t come off as some sort of character sabotage

this whole time what we’ve known all Jade was that she was lonely and just wanted a family, not that hard to figure out why, girl’s got the same complex as Joey Claire about her family situation, but she’s more reserved about her feelings since she didn’t get to have a comparison of role models like Joey did with her babysitter and also Jade’s food and shelter needs were somewhat taken care by a planet guardian so the affect was somewhat lessened on the outside, she just didnt get the same chances as Joey to be able to articulate her emotional turmoil about it

aww Jade’s not happy either, well, that’s how it goes when you make relationship decisions based on flimsy passions that are more about fulfilling the needs of the self than about actually wanting good things for a partner

More like Jade’s sort of realized that Karkat and Dave don’t have a genuine romantic interest in her and she’s the only one keeping this ship afloat

oh shit, a dead younger jade, oh damn wait she’s the one from Meat that was trapped in the house juju and then immediately died from space razors

Yeah’s she’s a bloody symbol of meat that’s for sure, theyre making that pretty clear

“Her eyes go wide and she feels the breath go out of her for a moment. She looks directly upward. Where did this body come from?”

Again, if we take that symbolism circle of Breath = Sugar = Drugged up High =  Breath

This little dash of meat falling into wonderland would break the breathy haze for a bit wouldn’t it?

So if this kind of thing can happen to others besides John, there’s hope yet for something of value to come from Candy

“ There’s a peaked skylight at the top of the foyer that splits the morning sun like a prism, spilling multicolored dots across every surface below. Amongst those dots are drips of teen-Jade’s blood. It’s so dark on the spotless tile that it looks nearly black. “

I wish I could draw things, I’d love to draw this exact scene here, it’s pretty and morbid

Yeah, the relationship theme of Candy seems to be that everyone’s jumping into Kismesis plus Matesprite threesomes, that seem to be neither of what anyone actually wants in totality

There’s some realization that their Candy filled atmosphere is actually more a drug or a poison, teen jade can’t be revived, and it’s not because of what happened to her, but more because of the environment she is in now

Ah Roxy, ever the social chameleon people pleaser, not working this time though

Jade’s is easily explained already as she has the social graces of an elephant

It is kinda sad tho to see most of the human characters actually aren’t that good at being cool about troll stuff

“CALLIOPE: pUrple roses traditionally represent love at first sight, however these roses are actUally red roses that we prepared Using a blUe dye.CALLIOPE: the blUe rose is the most elUsive and mysterioUs of all flowers.CALLIOPE: the combination of red and blUe in this context is meant to evoke the dUal natUre of death, in that there is nothing more mysterioUs and impossible to comprehend than the vast void of the afterlife, bUt also there is nothing that makes Us appreciate the life and and love that we already have than the mystery of death.CALLIOPE: while death is terrifying, there is always joy to be foUnd among the sorrow. each time we witness death, we fall in love with the important people in oUr lives all over again.“

Why do I get the feeling Calliope is talking about actual rose here somehow?

Is it because she started off with “here’s the symbolism of Purple Roses”?

a Red Rose dyed Blue

Now if Cascade taught us anything Blue and Red certainly represent a mutual destruction of opposites coming together to create a third new thing in the blaze of the aftermath, but that thing was a Green Sun, not something purple, so why bring Rose into mind for all of this?

We have been seeing the effects of what happens when people in candyland awaken from their drug haze with a smattering of blood, but in that case why not make the symbolism more clear by saying a Blue Candied Rose dyed Red as if with Bloodied Meat?

is it more to mean that the correct path lies NOT in Candy being dyed Red, but in Meat being dyed Raspberry Blue?

I Mean, Candy!Rose certainly seems shaken here, having gotten jolted out of her drugged haze at some point, but unable to See, and she’s actually starting to be concerned about that and Meat!Rose is kind of out of commission at this point, So I guess to get things back on track, Candy!Rose would have to go back to the Meat somehow, or might be the influence needed to snap Meat Rose out of her daze

Though I don’t like how this is taking place in the context of a funeral, specifically bringing to mind how Dirk did the same thing using the vessel of Death, I hope Candy Rose doesn’t try to just, off herself

with Dirk taking control of Rose’s ultimate self in Meat, Candy!Rose might be the only true Rose left to take heroic action

Aww, Callie is still head over heels for Roxy, I’m really surprised with this theme of threesomes that nothing ever came of a John x Roxy x Callie, but then again all the threesomes so far have been painted Black and Red, and unless John or Roxy was to form a Kismesis with Callie, I don’t see it happening at all

OH SHIT SPEAKING OF RED AND BLUE

Damn, Sollux and Aradia are here

“KARKAT: MAYBE FUCKING NEPETA IS ABOUT TO POUNCE FROM BEHIND THAT GROTESQUE STATUE OF THE HUMAN SUFFERER T-POSING OVER THERE.”

Karkat don’t tease me about Nepeta but also again WHY is actual Jesus here.

Is Roxy a christian in this timeline? Was she legit just praying to actual Human Jesus? That’s so, weird, especially for Roxy to do, what the fuck in Roxy’s upbringing on an apocalypse earth would make her want to worship Jesus?

Oh wait, that’s obviously what she thinks that every other human sincerely does, since she only had human media to go off of, and like, technically no human has ever said they DONT worship christian gods to her.

“GAMZEE: wHeN tHe DoOr Of ThAt FrIdGe pOpPeD oPeN iT wAs LikE i Be AlL sEeIn ThE lIgHt AnD sHiT.

SOLLUX: well yeah

SOLLUX: that’s what happens when s0me0ne 0pens a d00r t0 a t0tally dark encl0sure.“

Gamzee has had a weirdly meta understanding of what’s going on so far, for some reason, I can’t fathom what could be the Lighty influence that he’s gotten

unless...

Dirk really IS starting to subsume Ultimate Rose, and that’s bleeding over to every Ultimate self connected to Dirk

the more Gamzee knows meta shit and says oddly correct things, the more we know Dirk is “winning” over Rose

Oh, that’s why Gamzee is really here isn’t he? I mean, storywise? He’s a Dirk thermometer/gauge/thing, he’s our way of measuring how far Dirk’s influences are going in Meat

“ARADIA: its so nice that you believe all that gamzee

ARADIA: i think i can honestly say

ARADIA: im reasonably happy for you?“

lol

“blue smoke”

You don’t really tend to describe Smoke as being Blue right? At least, I don’t think that’s usual

But if we’re straight up associating Candy with Blue  to complement Meat with Red now, it’s just making the whole Sugar = Breath thing that much stronger

*EDIT* DUH OF COURSE OF CANDY’S COLOR IS BLUE

BLUE GUSHERS. OBVIOUSLY. *end edit*

and I mean, what is Breath but a weird bluey smoke?

Roxy just wants to be happy with all her friends, that’s all

It is a good shake at trying to explain the nature of infinite possibility, that in reality, there isn’t really more weight put into one possibility over others, that’s how it works in real life anyway

unfortunately a storyline of canon is going to favor some version of events over others, and people make choices because they have preferences for that choice over other choices, something that seems kind of lost on Candy!Roxy who seems to just be okay with going along with anything because everything has an equal chance for having happytimes in this place

Roxy may be starting to lose her sense of self as well, and with her knowledge on things and how’s she’s been described as immutable so far, I wouldn’t be surprised at her having easily and subtly slipped into Ultimate Self hood herself and just being really okay with the idea that there is no one true Roxy, that she is just one piece of many, and not like, needing to delve into that further, not needing to connect with all her alternate selves, happy just being singular but at the same time completely malleable

Oh! Baby time.

Oh fuck, Al!Calliope in Jade time.

Why is Callie so afraid of Alt!Callie? That didn’t come across in their meetings in Homestuck as much, so why is that different here?

Is it because of Jade’s earlier comment of “there can only be one instance of a person here” and Callie doesn’t think she can win against Alltie?

Also, all these instances of Alltie appearing in Jade’s body is making me worried Alltie is doing something to both of their Ultimate Selves, like she’s subsuming Jade somehow like Dirk is subsuming Rose

I mean, they are fighting one another, so if Dirk’s doing something she has to keep pace right? In her mind, it’s probably totally justified

this is getting long enough for this post though, off we go again but I’m still reading

[abundantchewtoys]

Homestuck Candy p1-4

So, finally we've found the time to start reading the other epilogue, aka the Candy path.

You'd think COVID19 would have given us plenty of opportunity already, and yet... we always managed to fill our spare time with other stuff, XD.

But I think it's fitting that we'd start reading again, 11 years to the day after Homestuck started. Especially with the cherub theme of the epilogues. Not just the meat/candy dichotomy, either - apparently the books solved by VIZ Media feature a black & white Sburb logo as the symbol for these epilogues!

I wonder what differences both paths are going to be showing, and what twisted parallels. Are Dirk & Alt Calliope fully replaced as antagonists by an alternate Caliborn and... somebody else?

Crack theory: the Davebot shown in the final page of the epilogues is from the Candy path. :P I'm working from the assumption that the Candy & Meat path will merge at some point, though the Meat path kind of feels "more canon" to me, but then I'm biased for having read it already. Under that light, it would make sense that the final page would feature characters from both paths - and the Jade we saw seemed to be the Meat version of her Game Over self.

But I wonder how much the Candy path is going to stray over to the "Diabetes" side. I mean, it's pretty much a given everything is going to turn out a lot sweeter, but we know from the Trickster arc that that could delve into uncanny territory as well, no problem.

It stands to reason that there's going to be different POVs we didn't have in the Meat path, but even then, I think events will turn out differently on Earth C too. For want of a nail and all. For want of a John, the election was lost. So maybe with his continued presence, Karkat will be able to win. Then again, a lot is going to depend on who's the narrator(s) of this path, too. Dirk and Rose's evolution isn't just going to go away, now, is it? Unless the narrator replacing them (mis)uses their powers to depower their expanding awareness, of course.

In more immediate future events, no points for guessing John's clothes are going to become sticky and rifled with sugar bits from all the candy he's about to consume.

---

Page 1

What the SHIT.

Hahahahh, and directly we get a reference to how this path might be less influential, with John feeling less substantial.

And this talk about splinters and splitting leaf veins, hahah. It's possible the splinters were referring to Dirk and how his relevance might have become nullified now. And the splitting how, even if this timeline doesn't contribute to canon, Paradox Space MIGHT NOT CARE.

But then.

Roxy opens up to John, and they (she?) confesses how she was hoping for him to stay. It's a valid point to make - if they're no longer relevant, what's the use in fretting about things.

Though, then Calliope asks something of John that turns everything upside down. John freeing Gamzee?? I wonder if that means only freeing him X thousand years in the future, or retcon zapping him to then, when he would find Caliborn & Calliope's egg.

The more I think about it, the more it seems fitting. Candy John takes care of loose ends "outside" of canon, on Earth C, while Meat John went back into canon. It sheds more of a surreal light on Caliborn & Calliope's session though - they found a way to "re-enter" canon on their own! Also, they contacted canon from outside it - making them even more of a symbol for Homestuck's fandom and hatedom!

Now, Blaperile seems convinced that Gamzee's going to be given the time to make up with his friends and then finds the "serenity" (pardon the phrase) he has when we see him on LOCAM. Yyyyes, I mean, I can see how that'd work, but I'm with John - whether it's time for forgiveness or not, he's still a murderclown, even if he was suffering from withdrawal symptoms from sopor slime at the time of said murders.

---

Page 2

Well that happened.

Dear god though.

For a full minute I was actually genuinely convinced Gamzee was sincere, but yeah, like John says by the end - it really feels performative.

But, why in the blazes did Candy John go into canon after all? Didn't they bring the fridge along, then? Boy, this marks yet another split timeline, I guess, since now the fridge didn't go through all that bullcrap during [S] Collide. It also made Gamzee's suffering in the fridge less painful, well, physically, by a certain margin.

But I guess he did have some trouble breathing in there. Still, that's karma, seeing as what he did to Equius.

Note!

John contacted Terezi, and from the sound of the conversation it didn't seem all that exceptional that he could! While in the Meat path, they seemed to have been out of touch for a long time. So, like, does the Candy path in reality diverge a lot earlier than the Meat/Candy choice? (Well, from a certain viewpoint, I guess you could say the path diverges from the moment John went back to LOTAK to steal Gamzee, in fact. If you ignore the fact Earth C is outside of canon. So for want of a clown, the canonicity was lost, I suppose.)

If not, does this mean that this Terezi is the same as the one Meat John found? I seem to recall Terezi making some kind of weird remark to John regarding the time she spent in the blank remnants of the Furthest Ring. Does it retroactively mean she was talking to Candy John all this time?

Or are there now two versions of post-Collide Terezi, too? Ugh, gonna have to follow the MST3K mantra I think.

Gotta say, I REALLY wasn't expecting John to message her, of all people, but he's right! If anyone knows how to feel about Gamzee in a similar way, it's definitely her.

So, Blaperile voiced the theory that maybe Candy Calliope turns out to narrate the Candy path, and with how vaguely sinister and mysterious she's behaving, I'm inclined to agree. What, does that mean that this version of Dirk is going to take over the narration from her at one point? It would also mean that, from a certain viewpoint, Dirk & Calliope were narrating the epilogues in the exact same manner, until the Meat/Candy diversion point. Since Doc Scratch is kind of the Calliope to Lord English's Caliborn, and he shares slime DNA with Calliope's body & Dirk's mind, that's not that far out there.

---

Page 3

Wow. Okay, I started to think we wouldn't get any reference to Dirk's Ultimate Self narrator-overtake shenanigans from the Meat path.

But no. It seems Dirk is fully aware that he's no longer in the "relevant" path, and he's actually quite hung up about it!

He apparently immediately gives up on everything - his political plans, his fights with Jake - but I wonder why?? Does he know, in some immeasurable way, that whatever the Candy path has to contribute to canon in the end, it isn't that?

He also seems to acknowledge something is dreadfully bad right now.

It will just have to turn out whether he means something besides his own grand plans not having a chance of working out - or not!

I'm looking forward to him explaining just how John's choice will have an effect on EVERY living being on Earth C, and what that effect could be. (Crack theory - irrelevance is going to slowly start turning all of their personalities into caricatures, flanderized Trickster-like semblance. :P I might not even be half wrong in this!)

Does this mean that Karkat will still run for presidency, even? Maybe him and Dave still hear about Jane's cancelled plans and are inspired? If so, I wonder what'd be the unintentional bad effects of Karkat's presidential turn.

---

Epilogue Two Page 4

Well, now, if there ever was a page seemingly MADE to be read after the Meat path, it sure is this one!

Seems like Dirk's influence, or at least a certain foreboding sense of danger and stress regarding Rose's illness, was already making Kanaya and Rose slowly drift apart.

I know we're going to be seeing bad influences from the Candy path in due time, but for now, at least this makeup scene helps as a reminder that, whereever Rose and Kanaya ended up during the Meat path, they still have a chance to make amends later. (I do wonder how Dirk and Rose's narrative influence is going to be dealt with in Homestuck 2.)

---

This seems like a good, lethargic cathartic place to stop reading. I hope we're in for 28 more pages, since if I counted correctly, it would mean Candy & Meat together would then count 64 pages, aka 8x8. (Or 8^y, where y=2.)

[gemalawashomestuck]

A, N, R, T, Y for fandom meme!!

Ooh, thank you! Here we go-

A: Current OTPs/OT3s/OT(X)s

So, I'm mostly gonna talk about Homestuck since this is on my Homestuck blog. My OTP has been, since 2018, Johndave- though, Dirkjohn is a close second because it's genuinely amazing. My favorite 0T3 (though, I have a lot of poly ships I love) is generally JohnDaveKat (ever since I started to love Davekat, and Johnkat was a big ship of mine when I was new to Homestuck). For a quick non-homestuck aside, Gladion/protagonist for Pokémon sun and moon is amazing, and if ANYONE who is familiar with Fossil Fighters follows me, Rupert/protagonist. If y'all know this one hmu because I literally don't know anyone who does. For those who don't know what fossil fighters is, it's Pokémon but dinosaurs and sincerely underrated.

N: Three things I wish more people in my fandom(s) did.

Homestuck strikes again! Frankly I wish more Homestuck people would like, write their thoughts out. Tell me about those headcanons. Hit me with the crackships, the analysis, the essays. For everyone who does this I love you platonically. More seriously, I wish people would chill out a little - I don't mean about like, being wild about ideas or enthusiastic or "cringey", I love all of that - I mean, about headcanons and interpretations and opinions. Like June and John or fem or enby or masc Roxy or liking post canon vs not (for anyone wondering, I have...really mixed opinions on post canon). People really need to cool their jets sometimes. But on a lighter note, the third thing (that frankly applies to every fandom) - poly ships. Y'all are sleeping on poly ships. I mean this in the nicest way possible, but I really think people are missing out here.

R: Something I ship that I don't think anyone else ships.

Hooo boy do I have some ships for you. Starting with the big 0T3 that I sincerely think like ONE other person likes and there is absolutely no fic for on A03: John/Dirk/Karkat. Dirk/Karkat in general is ignored as hell but the combination of those three? Nothing. Nada. Zip. There is no content. I also have a big poly pile that I know nobody else is on (all non-incest combinations of John/Dave/Jake/Dirk/Karkat/sometimes Hal at once) but that's specific enough that I'm not surprised nobody's run with it. In any case, I have a good number of drafts for both in the works.

T: Hard and fast headcanons I'll die for.

This one's actually kind of difficult because so many of my headcanons are flexible and subject to change between AUs. Even my gender/sexuality headcanons are very flexible and it generally depends on what I think fits the character as they are in a specific AU (for instance, I usually headcanon Dave as bi, but in my fic Still as a Statue he is in fact gay). But, there are some I really love:

- Dave and Karkat know some ASL, which they learned from the Mayor. They use this to talk sometimes just because they can. Dave taught Dirk, who uses it's reliance on body language/facial expressions to try and get the hang of actually emoting in conversation. This is mostly because I'm learning ASL right now and project like a motherfucker on the Striders.

- MLP is a show Dirk watched when he was little, and it's sort of a comfort thing for him, so when he's down he'll watch an episode or two to cheer up despite claiming not to like the show overall. He got Roxy into it when they first met, but she didn't really hold on to it the way he did. Also, he probably started liking it because of the robot Minihoof, who I headcanon was in fact left to him by Alpha Dave.

- John loves oldies and classical music. His dad used to play oldies and classical all the time and he loved the music but didn't really admit that. He can absolutely play a few on the piano, and he has a good singing voice but isn't really into singing.

- Aranea has a fucking amazing singing voice and absolutely nobody knows. Like, she could be the singing star in a rock band and absolutely fucking nobody is aware of this. Vriska also has a great voice, but cannot sing on key to save her life- she is a great electric guitar player though.

- The beta kids all game together. They complain about each other's picks, but they stream to each other and voice chat while they play (and meet up to play if applicable) and do pvp and multiplayer and google tips for each other and all. They're just friends who game.

Y: My secondhand fandoms that people I know are in.

- Minecraft in general, but also dream smp.

- Unnus Annus.

- The Magnus Archives.

- Genshin Impact.

- Hades.

- There's one more but for the life of me I cannot remember.

[bardofv0id]

Meat vs. Candy: Meat

Here’s the thing.

I’m hearing two main arguments online... a lot of people saying the epilogues are Terrible, for various reasons, and a few people saying they're Good, with a smaller but vocal subset of those people arguing that if you don’t like them then you’re obviously just expecting to be spoon-fed a fluff ending in which the Character You Like gets a wish-fulfillment storybook epilogue.

There are probably some people who are mad about not getting that. However, I think misrepresenting the range of anger various parts of the fandom are experiencing as being purely some kind of childish knee-jerk tantrum at not getting the toy they wanted is disingenuous, at best, and parallels some of the mistakes of the epilogues themselves.  Note that this in no way excuses or justifies people sending the writers or anyone else death-threats or whatever the hell else has been going on.

Honestly... the Meat ending was pretty good writing, in my opinion.  It wasn’t comfortable or happy or flattering in any way to a number of characters who I recognize people care deeply about, but it was nothing really worse than I expected from Earth C, based on the fundamental narrative of Lord English’s giant closed-loop system.  The loop had to close, in order for Homestuck proper to occur at all.  That means that Earth C is where Calliope and Caliborn hatch and grow up, far, far in the future. And that means that universe, like the others, will be destroyed by a SBURB session one day. Sorry, folks.  It was never meant to be a 'happy ending'.

Meat was deeply metatextual. It was gristly and greasy and discomfiting.  It raised questions about what it means to have a narrator, and whose biases are implicitly included--and I think those are very interesting questions to raise, whether or not they are particularly satisfying to someone who is also reading for the characters.

Spoilers beyond the read-more, for obvious reasons.

That said, there were elements that did surprise me.  The removal of the other kids from different points in different doomed timelines, to fight with John against LE, rather than being his teammates from Earth C--but from John’s perspective, it doesn’t seem like there’s much difference.  Either way, they’re not fully ‘real’ to him (and barely feel real to us, as quickly as they appear and then die). He’s from the Game Over timeline, he’s battling depression, and nobody in the retcon timeline is really quite authentic to him, either--just as to many fans, they didn’t feel quite authentic, when the retcon happened and we had to suddenly let go of the characters we'd watched grow and change, replaced by funhouse mirror reflections and could-have-beens.

I’ve also seen some reasonably interesting arguments that a lot of Dirk’s narration, in the Meat route, either sounds eerily like Vriska talking or flips back and forth between Vriska-mode and Dirk-mode, well before alt!Calliope ever gets involved.  I’m prepared to believe some Serket element (whether that is potentially Vriska, or the Aranea who was abruptly displaced from her attempt at wresting control of the narrative by John) was involved there, and Dirk was not acting entirely of his own accord.  I’m also prepared to shrug and say “okay, maybe it was just a narrative parallel--Homestuck does that a lot”.  Some narration, especially when Terezi is involved, doesn't sound at all how I would expect a Serket-influenced narrator to sound with regards to her, in particular.  It doesn’t particularly grind my gears to think some version of Dirk, in the right environment, might make a series of choices that leads him to behaving like this, entirely on his own.  I recognize that it’s upsetting to DirkJake fans in particular to see their favorite pairing written like this, but it doesn’t feel wholly out of character to me for either of them to develop in these directions, given the right (or wrong) pressures and external situations. This Dirk is the culmination of a very wide multiplicity of Dirks, including at least one if not more who ended up directly subsumed in Lord English and/or under his explicit influence.

I’ve heard that some people were attacking the Meat route on the grounds of transphobia, which... I think is a rather weak argument, given that it’s recognized in the text itself, as pronoun changes are handled respectfully by one narrator-character and inconsistently by a second, who is being set up as the villain of the story. That seems like a pretty solid metatextual rejection of the action, no?  Like, if a villain does a bad thing, in a story, while the hero is fighting them, do you argue that the story itself advocates for that thing? There has to be some kind of distinction between ‘character does X’ and ‘author of story advocates X is Morally Correct’, or we would never have any villains at all. Dirk's dismissiveness toward Roxy's agency grows, the further toward 'villain' he slides.

Were there some things I liked, in Meat?  I guess.  From a sociopolitical and cultural standpoint, the shitty repercussions of the way the retcon gang set up a planet, dumped a bunch of chess people and clone grubs, then left them to do all the work of creating its society and waiting for their eventual 'godly' return... were pretty logical. I'm actually happy that it was acknowledged, instead of just brushed off as inconsequential.  It was interesting, too, to see some of the kids playing with notions of gender identity as they grew, and how their companions adjusted. It was telling (in terms of Dirk's character development) how he thought of Roxy and Calliope's gender explorations as something he could choose to 'allow' or not. Also, with how truncated most of the gang's personal development (and plot development) was in Homestuck proper ('thanks', retcon!Vriska), I think it kinda made sense how stunted and incapable of like... dealing with regular life in a functional way a lot of them seemed. Jumping straight to teenage 'godhood' didn't make them experienced or smart. It's sad that all of them just kind of... stagnate there, but Earth C has always felt incredibly stagnant to me.

Retcon!Vriska getting swallowed by the black hole was at least thematically fitting, though I'm wondering why she is using such Seer-themed language, suddenly. I also like that the wallet is finally back in play. Rose and Dirk's philosophical debate about individuation and free will is delightfully creepy, given the themes of the story. There are moments, within the story, that the turns of phrase and the humor just hit me full in the teeth and remind me this is Homestuck, and I do love those moments.  And of course, my xenobiological worldbuilding interests enjoyed that apparently, earth onions are quite toxic to trolls.

Were there things I didn’t like in Meat?  Yeah, of course. I don't particularly like that John, an Heir of Breath--one who is innately positioned to awaken Breath, freedom and motivation in the people around him--callously shoves an unresisting teenager he's barely met into a refrigerator and just leaves him there, apparently convinced he deserves it.

Did some of the things I disliked relate to the storytelling itself, rather than just how characters were characterized, or what actions they took?  Yeah. Why are we still out here queer-baiting with Dave and Karkat?  Years have passed.  They have spent literal years sitting 1.5 feet apart so it's 'not gay'? I sincerely don't think this pairing is actually healthy or beneficial to either of them, the way it developed in canon, but come on. Then, they still balk and drag their feet unless it's being narratively pushed on them by someone else. It's just painful to watch.

I also take a certain level of personal offense as a Tavros fan when the narrative goes out of its way to repeatedly harp on Tavros being useless and no one giving a shit what he's doing.  Ghost Tavros was awesome, okay, and was personally responsible for gathering the ghost army, so fuck you, Vriska-coded narrator. You have bad judgment. But that is not a crime of writing, if it is an intentionally biased perspective and not just writers taking cheap shots at a character they don't happen to like. I'm just incredibly tired of it being done habitually and collectively, as a fandom, to that character in particular. Furthermore, I'm really discomfited by the way Tavros's development (am I the only one who remembers him dancing and telling Vriska to suck it?) is completely ignored and de-legitimized by having him immediately fawning on her, trailing around after her, hiding against her shoulder, etc.  Tavros was a victim of emotional and physical abuse, at Vriska's hands.  Can we just agree to stop narratively forcing victims back into contact with their abusers, period? It's not a good look.

Moreover, there's the whole misogyny angle.  When does a story about misogynistic characters (and narrators) doing misogynistic things while misogynistic shit narratively happens start being a critique of misogynistic tropes rather than a tired old rehash?  Every step Jane (allegedly a strong, independent woman, though also stepping into her dictatorial role as 'Heiress') takes is either dictated by Dirk, sent into a complete tailspin that upends her confidence by Jake, or verbally decried as factually wrong and/or stupid by Dave and/or Karkat.  Rose and Kanaya both have their agency overwritten and end up separated from each other through the actions of Dirk, and Rose becomes an extension of Dirk, losing her very selfhood.  Jade is treated as an accessory to the DaveKat trainwreck, simultaneously discounted as actually emotionally relevant and blamed for its ludicrous problems.  She, of course, also ends up having her agency overwritten as she's plunged into a coma and possessed, prevented from actually having reactions to the things that are going on, or taking action for herself. Borrowed!Rose and Jade are KO'd almost instantly in the fight against Lord English, and become either literally erased, or dead weight for a male character to drag around until it's no longer convenient. Terezi admits to wasting a huge amount of time trailing around after Vriska--who was an emotionally abusive gaslighter to her, on the retcon!meteor. (And we're back to victims being constantly evaluated according to their proximity to their abusers again.) Then, she's on to redirecting herself into some quest on John's behalf, instead. She's still not living for herself. Finally, you show me an Aradia who would ever, ever be concerned about 'saying more embarrassing stuff' around Dave, or thinking of him as an ‘outrageously cool dude’, and I'll show you a bridge I'd like to sell you.  That ain't any Aradia I've ever seen. So who’s narrating there, Dirk again? A third party?

Other weird things: apparently Jane's kidnapping in the snapchats just... never gets explained or referenced again? I went back to reread those, and they connected to Meat even more than I realized at first.   I guess Jane grew up to be... exactly what she was raised/groomed to be, which is *uncomfortable* but not particularly shocking.  I feel bad for people who were hoping for happier endings for the human kids, but I don't think I ever really expected Homestuck to serve up happy endings.  I don't buy that things in the snapchat were just thrown in at random, though.  Those elements were there for a reason, and arguing that everything in the snapchats were connected to the epilogues EXCEPT that one major extended plotline doesn't make sense.  Especially when it visually and narratively seems to be a direct link to the events of the Meat storyline. 

Also, where the fuck are the sprites?  We never see or hear from Jasprosesprite, Gcatavrosprite, or the Nannasprite(s?) again. I’m not sure anyone cares, but. Uh. Yeah.

I have other thoughts regarding the classpect-coded language that crops up pretty frequently in the epilogues, but I think I will devote a separate post to that, if I get around to it, given that this *is* at heart a classpecting blog.

So anyway, Meat ends, it's depressing and futile and grim, I get it. I don't like every element, but it hangs together as a story with a narrative, overall.

Then we get to Candy.

Hoo boy.

I’ll tackle that one next, but as it was considerably more upsetting for me to read, rereading it for fact-checks and commentary is going to be a lot harder for me.  I’ll get through it here sooner or later, though.