#kept asking me to change stuff and giving notes that made no sense

[deoidesign]

vampire and werewolf sitting in a tree

time trav e l i n g

first comes. trying to kill eachother then comes... learning you're his dead ex-lover then comes marriage!

(you can buy the book this scene is from for $15 it's really good. it's the fan favorite of the series!)

[daycourtofficial]

Tell me I’m the only, only, only, only one - part five

Pairing: Eris x Azriel x reader | WC: 6k | warnings: general angst, canon violence, blood, loose medical stuff that likely doesn’t make sense

Summary: avoiding Azriel only works for so long when he uses Rhysand to get you to see Eris one more time. You’re more than shocked when your meeting is ambushed, wounds making you reconsider things.

A/N: we’re insecure, and we don’t know what for! Anyway please enjoy 💕

Previous part | Next Part | Masterlist

After Azriel had left you in the bathroom, you stood there for what had to have been hours, the last remnants of his warmth clinging to the air around you. You had never felt so alone, his rejection an intense sting you were certain branded your soul.

Your chest felt heavy with his presence. At some point in the night you had finally figured out how to shut him out. The iron was heavy as it shackled your heart, cutting off the mate who was supposed to protect you, not knowing he was who you needed protection from.

Sleep didn’t come to you that night and it was a battle the next night to sleep for even a few hours. Your mind felt stale and stagnated, yearning for the fixation that was his journals. Azriel had given the most recent one to you just before rejecting you, not even having the chance to crack the spine yet. His confession that Eris was above you still stung too much.

You spent most of your time outside of work now laying in bed, unable to stop your thoughts from analyzing every angle of your entire relationship with Azriel. You hardly slept, no idea how much time had passed in the stillness of your grief.

Rotting in bed was an option both Nesta and the House did not appreciate - the latter stopped giving you full meals, the former making her way into your room this afternoon informing you that you would be seen at dinner so she had proof you were alive and eating.

The last people you wanted to see were happily mated couples, practically rubbing their mateship in your face just by existing. The Mother was surely testing you in some way, and you weren’t sure if you could handle the outcome of failing.

You had left your room one singular night during your solitude. The moon had been bright through the windows as you snuck to the library, leaving a note for Clotho to deliver a book on failed mating bonds to your room in the House of Wind.

It was an unusual request, but you knew Clotho would do it. You spent many nights in the library pouring over textbooks, dropping off various sweets for Clotho and the other priestesses in offering and thanks for their help.

By the next afternoon the book was on your bedside table, placed there by the house no doubt to ease your embarrassment from the nosey eyes of Cassian. Now the book on broken bonds sat on top of the last journal you had gotten from Azriel, taunting you with your future within its pages.

They were all going to find out eventually that Azriel had rejected you, but that left you in an even more impossible situation. Reaching out for comfort from your friends meant Azriel’s secret mating with Eris became public knowledge. No matter how mad or upset you were with the both of them, that was a line you refused to cross.

Would Nesta and Cassian kick you out? If Azriel didn’t want you, surely you’ve lost the friendships you’ve made the past few years with his family?

Maybe you’ll move to Spring. Tamlin surely won’t notice if you just picked a spot and built a house.

You put your head in your hands, wanting to claw the possibilities out to find which one would save you from this grief.

Your self imposed isolation hadn’t kept you safe from seeing Azriel. You had asked Cassian to fly you home from work, a job he did with delight. You avoided dinners, changed your entire schedule to maximize your potential to avoid him.

And yet you’d pass him in the hallway, see him in the stairs, and find him in the kitchen. He was everywhere, each appearance only pissing you off further. Every time you ignored him, even going so far as to bump him with your shoulder when passing by.

But he never said anything. Just looked in your direction, his eyes not catching the light like they used to. His shadows don’t even follow you around anymore. They clung to Azriel like a second skin as if holding him upright.

Were you a failure? Had any other fae had such a short mating? Was it even truly a mating?

Your anger had been simmering for a while, but now as you descended the steps to dinner, your rage was palpable, nearly carrying it with you like Azriel does with his shadows. You craved it, needed it to hold you through seeing him, having to pretend he hasn’t laughed in the face of the Mother and carved out your heart.

But your anger was for naught as you approached the dining room. Azriel wasn’t there amongst the faces of his family, a rarity for the House of Wind. Usually dinners consisted of Nesta, Cassian, and Azriel, but tonight Rhys and Feyre were in attendance, a small Nyx situated on Feyre’s left.

Your fury tampered down, taking it off the heat and letting it cool down as you walked in, all eyes turning to you.

“Just in time! Now can we eat, Nes?” Cassian was impatient, his fork already in hand, clearly waiting for the second you showed up.

“Let her sit down first, Cassian.” Rhysand laughed. “Or perhaps you’re going to gnaw on her legs, hm?”

The growl of Cassian’s stomach rippled through the air, his body’s own testament to the discomfort it felt.

“Go ahead and dig in, I wouldn’t want Cassian to starve.” Cassian let out a ‘thank you’ between mouthfuls as you sat across from Nesta. She watched as you sat, her eyes tracking as you picked up the tongs to plate your food. She didn’t relax until you began eating, and even then it was only enough for her to eat.

You watched her watch you, confused about her intensity, not even paying attention to Rhys and Feyre’s light teasing of each other.

It was wonderful that they had happiness with each other. Good for them. You stabbed your chicken with a bit more force, chewing slowly, putting on a show for whatever Nesta was watching for.

“Azriel should be back in time tomorrow.” It was almost comical how quickly your ears tuned into the conversation at his name.

“In time for what? What’s going on tomorrow?” It was the first words you had spoken, and you didn’t notice the glances they all shot to each other. Rhys turned his attention to you, violet eyes kind as he spoke.

“You and Azriel will be seeing Eris tomorrow.”

“We are?” The incredulity of your tone could be heard from streets away, other family dinners halting at the annoyed tone that floated on the breeze.

“Yes, he told me Eris is quite chatty with you. Azriel left word that Eris had something important to share and that it was urgent the two of you met with him.”

You blinked a few times, trying to push your anger aside to make way for the bewilderment. Had Eris called for this? Or was it Azriel, finally wishing to put an end to this?

Your heart hammered, the string around it pulsating tighter, worried it would be broken and left unraveled to slosh around inside your chest for eternity.

“Maybe Eris likes you.” Cassian made kissing sounds at you. Your eyes remained fixed on Rhysand, as if the longer you looked the more answers you’d get. He tilted his head, the slight caress of a claw tapping onto your mental shields the only thing to get you out of your trance.

“Don’t be gross, Cass.” Feyre chided despite her giggles. “I don’t think he’s capable of enjoying anything.”

“Eris likes fresh blood.”

“So did Amren.”

“Rhys, I’m not sure if I should go.” You broke up their joking, finally responding to Rhys’s prodding. You were pleading with your High Lord, trying to make him understand you can’t.

“I know he’s a bit much, but if Azriel’s right and Eris has some soft spot for you, it’d be in our best interest to exploit it.”

How far Cassian had been from the truth. Eris would delight in nothing more than ripping out your arteries with his teeth.

You nodded silently, looking back to your plate, pushing the peas around. You don’t say another word, you’re not even keeping watch of Nesta before retiring for the evening.

-

Rhysand hadn’t given you a time to expect to leave, so you spent the morning working with Madja, telling her you’d have to leave at noon to attend to some affairs Rhysand had asked of you. The older fae was annoyed, her wrinkles deepening, but she kept her mouth shut before walking off, muttering something about young males in power.

A few patients had come in, mostly to have previous injuries checked for an all clear. The cold snap in Velaris had left several fae slipping on ice, many twisted ankles keeping you busy the past few weeks.

You left promptly at noon, saying goodbye to Madja before heading out. Seeing your most recent patients had you checking every step for ice, ensuring sure footing before fully putting your weight down as you headed to the end of the road, already seeing the tips of Cassian’s wings.

You bundled yourself in your coat, burying your face into your scarf as you began mentally preparing yourself for seeing Azriel. Eris you could handle - he was cruel, but manageable. He never pretended to be something he wasn’t. But Azriel kept popping in and out, handling you delicately and with care before shattering you unexpectedly. Your heart was beating faster at the thought of seeing him, while also sinking deep into your stomach.

Your eyes followed the cobblestones, being mindful of any patches of ice, too busy to notice until you were right in front of him that it wasn’t Cassian you had seen. His blue chest siphon m was the first thing you saw, a soft expletive leaving your lips before you could stop it.

“Hello to you too.”

You finally looked up, his shadows peeking out from the collar of his leathers, tracing up his neck in beautiful patterns. You nodded in greeting.

“Where’s Cassian?”

“We’re heading straight for Spring, so I told him I could come by and get you.”

It was painfully silent as the two of you stood there, Azriel’s head moving constantly to try to catch your eye. His annoyance flared up in your chest, and you were too absorbed in it to shut it down.

“Talk to me.” His voice was pleading, but with a sharp edge.

“I don’t want to.” Your tone was petulant, a childishness to it that was uncommon.

“Why not?”

“You’ve made your opinion of me very clear. Besides, don’t you need Eris’s permission to talk to me first?” He sighed, the siphon on his chest glowing slightly. “Surely he’ll be upset you had to hold onto me to winnow here. Maybe he’ll have soap on hand to scrub your hands of me once and for all.”

“You’re being childish.”

“Can we just get this over with? I know why we’re here and I don’t exactly want to linger for a long time.”

Azriel’s eyebrows shot up at the curtness in your tone, but you couldn’t be bothered with niceties anymore. You were exhausted of chasing after him, begging for his attention, just for it to always be on Eris. The sooner this was over, the sooner you could move on.

He reached his hands out, gently scooping you into his arms. You took care not to dive nose first into his neck like last time, not wanting his scent to overpower you or make you spiral further.

The bond inside of you was rattling in your ribcage, desperate for you to fight, to snark, to do something to get Azriel’s attention. But you blocked it out, only looking ahead for the entirety of the flight.

The two of you landed in the familiar spot, an earthy scent clinging to the air. The spot was empty, and you felt Azriel’s stomach drop in disappointment at the knowledge through the bond. Your hand rubbed across your face before you quickly tampered down the bond, not wanting to know how they’re feeling about this.

The two of you waited for several minutes. The chittering of the forest was loud, heightening the awkward silence. It was so green and bright in Spring, the plant growth nearly blinding after the intense snowfall Night had been experiencing.

You felt Azriel’s eyes on you, hazel irises unwilling to depart from your form. Your name was a soft exhale from his lips, a pleading tone that would have sent past you spiraling. It only furthered your resolve.

“Don’t do that. I’m only here out of duty to Rhysand. My High Lord asked this of me, and frankly, it’ll likely be the last time Eris ever sees me.”

“What’s that mean?”

“It means I’m done. Clearly the Mother was wrong and clearly you and Eris both know that. It’s just taken me until now to figure that out myself.”

“That’s not true.”

You finally looked at him. Your beautiful, beautiful mate, who had always been so kind to you. He had been nothing more than a charade, a carefully crafted story to deter from his actual mate. You straightened your shoulders to gather your words, trying to voice your exact thoughts.

“No, Azriel. I’m done being your second choice, I’m done being strung along. I don’t want that for me, and as my mate, you shouldn’t want it either. So treat me with the respect I deserve and recognize I’m only here because of Rhys’s asking. You and Eris have made your opinions of me very clear.”

Azriel opened his mouth, but rage flew from yours. The dam had broken, and now a flood was headed directly for the shadowsinger.

“Was it just so I wouldn’t say anything about you and Eris? Was that why you kept stringing me along? Keep your precious bond between you and Eris, keep it to yourselves, I no longer want any part of it.” It felt incredible to say the words aloud, to try to get the point across. But his face twisted with anger, his wings twitching behind him.

“You were never just a secret keeper. You’re my friend, you’re important to me. I told you about Eris in an effort to show you something! I’m trying to reprioritize, but it’s hard.”

For the first time in ages, a shadow moved from Azriel’s body, swirling around you. You were too caught up to notice the little thing, its attempts to calm you down failing.

“Azriel, when have you ever prioritized me? Every time something happens, you’re gone.”

“What do you want me to do? Eris is my mate.”

“And what am I?”

The question cut through Azriel, slicing between his ribs, the pain fracturing through his chest. He didn’t get a chance to reply before Eris materialized in the woods.

Eris was in more regal attire now, a vest covering his tunic that was likely thousands of hours of embroidery. The stiff collar made his jawline seem sharper, his features even more cutting in such regalia. Eris blended into the trees, making the natural world bend a knee to his beauty.

“I see the two of you are incapable of leaving me alone.” He didn’t even look at the pair of you, looking instead at his manicured nails. Filed to a point, the red polish made it look as if blood were dripping from his fingertips.

“Eris, stop.”

“It’s fine, Azriel. I came on your invitation, after all. What is this most pressing matter?”

“We need to talk.”

“Think of that all by yourself?”

“Shut up, Eris. You know what I mean.”

“I don’t know anything going on in your life as of late.”

You looked up, surprised at that tidbit. Maybe you weren’t the only one uncertain of where you stood with the shadowsinger.

“I’m trying to figure it out, Eris.” Azriel’s words were icy, coming from some deep, dark depths of himself.

“What is there to figure out?”

The pause after Eris’s question was too still. The forest was quiet, all birdsong gone. Not even insect chittering to fill the gaps. The world was still outside of the three of you. You looked up into the canopy above you, a chill going down your spine.

“Azriel, I asked you-“

The sound that cut off Eris was a quick burst of wind as an arrow came whizzing past. Azriel was the first to move, pushing you onto the ground, his body laying on top of yours, sheltering you. You pushed against him, trying to get up, trying to see, but he wasn’t budging. Panic flooded you as his wings formed a cocoon around the two of you, what should have been a womb of safety felt more like a cage.

Wood splintered as arrows hit trees, impossible to tell how many fae were targeting the three of you. It sounded like hundreds of arrows, each whizzing past at speeds that could easily kill.

Your breathing quickened as a new worry overtook you: had Azriel been shot? Was he injured?

And where was Eris?

Azriel grunted into your ear, his body jolting. His arms cradled your head, not even a slither of light coming through. This darkness was so different from the one that followed Azriel. It felt nearly suffocating, not even his shadows pittered about in it. It felt cold and hopeless

You could hear the roar of flames beyond the shelter of Azriel’s body, the crackling getting closer to the pair of you. Sweating and breathing heavy, it felt like Azriel’s body weighed even more. You tried to push him off again, but your ragged breathing made it even harder.

Something reached through Azriel’s body, a warm touch gripping your wrist. A flicker of light made it through, not enough for you to see anymore than a blinding white. Suddenly the world shifted, the mud beneath you hardening into wood floors. Azriel’s body was heavier now, his weight digging into you.

“Push.” A muffled voice came from somewhere beyond Azriel, nearly muffled by his body. Fear struck through you - was this whoever had ambushed you? Was Azriel the intended target and you were simply a bystander?

Or was Eris the target, carted off to some court while they dealt with the witnesses?

Despite the panic, your heart tugged in the direction of the voice, practically guiding your arms to push Azriel from you. As you did, more and more light filtered to your eyes, his shadows clinging tight to his body, securing their master’s wounds.

Pale hands wrapped around Azriel’s torso, and you thought you’d never be so happy to see the ring clad fingers of the Vanserra. It took a moment, but Eris was able to lift Azriel enough for you to crawl out from beneath him.

You glanced over Eris, the only injury to be seen were cuts on his face and arms. Relief flooded you at the sight of him, your breaths still shallow. You felt the adrenaline coursing through your veins, only speeding up with the lack of danger. The cabin was dark around you, the place seeming more empty than when you were here last.

“Aren’t you a healer?” Eris had been speaking to you for several moments by this point, his words a buzzing you couldn’t make out until now.

“Yes.”

“Then help him.”

You were frozen, unable to do anything other than look at your hands. You had never been in combat before - during the Battle of Hybern you had been left in the city to run the clinic, the only one left behind.

Azriel’s blood was on your hands, sinking into your skin. Are your bones marked red now?

“Useless.” Eris was a wildfire, moving quickly down the hall before coming back, his arms full of tonics and bandages. The sight snapped you back, your thoughts coming in full force at what to do. You stood, moving quickly to stop Eris.

“Stop, you need to give him some pain medication first.” You rifled through the bottles and bits, each of Azriel’s labored breaths making your heart sink further and further.

“No, we need the arrows out of his back, they’re killing him.”

“I can give him some medicine to manage the pain first. Removing the arrows will mean we’ll have to act quick to stop the blood. It’s better to give him something for the pain now.” Your voice took a sharp edge, the commanding tone of someone in charge. “Then we take out the arrows in his wings.”

Eris’s face was hard as he looked toward you, no doubt hating you even more. Azriel dove to protect you - his state now should have been you. You found the bottle you needed, it’s not as strong as you’d like, but it’s the best you can do.

“Azriel, you have to swallow this.” Your hand gently caressed his cheek, letting him know someone was there. He slowly opened his mouth, allowing you to pour the purple liquid down it. The grimace he made almost made you laugh, like this were any other time, having him eat something unappetizing because Nesta had made it.

Fire stung at your fingers, but you ignored Eris as Azriel finished the potion.

“Okay, we need to trim off the tops of the arrows so we can pull them out more easily. Eris, find a knife and use your fire to sterilize it.”

He started to open his mouth, but you leveled him with a stare that had him quickly closing it.

“Are you going to waste our time by second guessing everything I tell you? If you bothered to let Azriel tell you anything you would know I work directly beneath the court’s healer and am quite competent.”

Eris’s sharp canines protruded from his mouth, a low growl emitting from him, but no more protests as he heated a knife.

“Az, we’re going to cut off the arrow heads and remove them from your wings. Can you stretch your wings out for me?” You rubbed your thumb across his cheek, trying to offer any tenderness he could hold onto.

He nodded so softly you hardly noticed it, his wing unfurling ever so slowly. It didn’t extend fully, but he got about three fourths of the way there.

“I’m going to help you stretch it out this last bit, okay? I need to see all of your wings to help.” You sent a light pulse of what you hoped was soothing down the bond before closing it off again, bending to rest on your knees as you sat in front of his left wing.

Several arrows had pierced through the delicate membrane, but only four remained caught in his wings. You swallowed down your guilt - it wasn’t what Azriel needed now. He needed Madja’s apprentice, not his rejected mate right now. You took a deep breath before extending his wing further, ignoring Azriel’s groans of pain.

“Eris, hold his wing taut.” The uncertainty slipped off like a second skin, making way for the commanding presence you took on for the care of your patients. Once Eris had his wing, you took the hot knife from his hand, quickly and methodically snipping off the heads of the arrows, making sure to hold the base to keep it stabilized before pulling each one out.

You pulled the wood slowly, trying to keep the wood from grazing his skin again. Each arrow went into a pile behind you until his left wing was clean of them, the holes they left the only reminder of them. The two of you repeated the process for his right wing, this one only having three arrows in it, the extraction going much more quickly.

“Is he still awake?” Eris shuffled before a grunt of agreement came from Azriel.

“Azriel, we have to move to the arrows on your back. It’s going to hurt, but we’re going to move fast.” You looked back to the bottles of potions Eris had found, searching for anything that could help Azriel clot faster or sanitize the wounds.

“Why didn’t we do his back first? It’s worse and the arrows are draining him.”

“Because I’m not sure how much blood he’s going to lose. It was a 50/50 gamble, either way.”

“A gamble? Do you even know what you’re doing?”

“Of course I know what I’m doing, Eris! I’m dealing with a squabbling family member who thinks they know better and are keeping me from my job. My job right now is to save his life, not argue with you over semantics. Now either shut up or get out.”

You don’t even watch to see his response, your attention solely on Azriel again. Your hands worked of their own accord, rubbing potions across his back, careful around the protruding arrows. You eventually looked up to find Eris just staring at you.

“Have him drink this.”

Eris took the vial, coaxing it down Azriel’s throat, murmuring softly to the shadowsinger.

“Do you have any towels or rags? We’ll need as many as you have.” Your hands felt down his back, his skin riddled with scars, each one telling a story. You couldn’t fixate on them - how the small nick by his third rib was made by steel a little over a century ago. The sideways gash across his fourth vertebrae made from a carbon blade roughly twenty years prior.

You focused on his current wounds, pinpointing how far the arrows have lodged themselves. You closed your eyes, feeling for his body. A path unfurled in your mind’s eye, following the layers of tissue and muscle the arrow penetrated.

Both arrows avoided the soft, delicate organs housed in his chest, but the longer they stayed inside, the likelihood they’d cause more damage to him.

“Eris, as I remove the arrows, I need you to immediately place rags on the wound. The arrow didn’t pierce any organs, but it cut through several veins. Is Azriel still awake?”

“Yes,” it came out as a croak, so different from Eris’s usual snark and calm.

Eris was ready as you pulled the arrow out, quick and unflinching. A spurt of blood followed the arrow, shooting onto you before Eris covered the wound.

“I can either move onto the next one or start trying to close this one up.” You were muttering to yourself, trying to decide on a course of action.

“The faebane in the arrowhead will make his healing take longer, it’d be better to pull it out.”

The faebane from the arrows was already swimming through Azriel’s bloodstream, but Eris was right - the sooner it comes out, the better for Azriel. You nodded to Eris.

“Right. Keep holding pressure while I pull this other one out. Then we’ll switch sides and I’ll start working on healing him.”

The second arrow was much messier, Eris’s rags darkening with blood much more quickly. The air held a copper tang that was getting stronger by the minute, your concern rising with it.

“Eris, do you know how to count heartbeats?” You don’t even watch for a response before you start explaining. “Count how many times his heart beats for a minute, and then keep repeating. After a few times you’ll know if his heart rate is steady or not.”

You focused on one wound at a time, magic making its way through Azriel’s skin, slowly stitching up the path of destruction the arrowhead forged. It was slow work, his body fighting against the faebane with every breath.

Every ten minutes or so you made Eris help Azriel drink water, hoping the fluids will help wash out the toxin. Each time he did, he’d also make a call out of Azriel’s heart rate.

Azriel remained unconscious, his heart rate changing drastically every few minutes. It had dropped quickly a time or two, causing Eris to panic, but Azriel’s heart rate never got below a threshold, always staying where it could manage.

The sun had set at some point, the cabin surrounded by darkness. Your hands ached from stillness, your joints crying out to move even just a little, but you refused, remaining steadfast. You were a conduit for the magic that lived inside you, magic that was slowly stitching Azriel back together again.

“Here.” Eris sat next to you, holding the cup of water before your face. You hadn’t heard him move, too focused on Azriel. You shook your head, pointedly looking down to your hands.

“I can’t.”

“I can help you.” You looked to find a new expression on his face, something you’re not sure anyone had ever seen on the male. As much as cruelty sharpened his cheekbones, the softness of his eyes made him nearly blinding in the moonlight. You nodded, unable to speak. He held the cup up to your lips, the cold liquid refreshing as it trailed down your throat. Your hands remained on Azriel, but you gulped down the entire cup, not realizing just how parched you were.

Eris pulled the cup away, settling in next to you. More time passed, all of it a blur as you kept your focus on Azriel. Neither of you spoke. Azriel’s face was pale, from blood loss or his shadows having gone missing, you’re not sure.

You slumped back against the couch, rolling your stiff neck. Azriel’s wounds weren’t perfectly healed, but your magic had repaired his blood vessels enough to allow you a break.

It was easy to get swept up in healing - you have a focus, a goal. You know what steps to take next. But as Azriel’s breathing remained strong and steady, yours became shallow. The reality of the day hitting you all at once, Eris’s warmth from next to you making you feel claustrophobic.

“I can’t do this anymore.” Your words were quiet, not much louder than Azriel’s breathing. He was still so close to you, his eyes closed as he laid there. He looked so peaceful.

A month ago you would have salivated at the idea of touching him for hours, but now the smell of his blood made you want to throw up the contents of your stomach.

“He’s yours, Eris. I can’t - you won. I’ll go away, move to the continent to be as far away as possible.” A soft confession that had been lingering in the back of your mind the whole day. You were foolish to believe you could best Eris, completely underestimating the deep well Azriel and Eris’s mating bond ran to.

“You’ll do no such thing.”

“You despise me. If you feel anything like I do, you want me gone.”

Eris was still, his heat nearly unbearable despite the distance between you two. It was so hard to breathe around him, as if he were drawing in all the air for himself.

“He doesn’t want me. I’m tired of fighting for his attention when his mind always goes back to you. He was my friend for so long, and the fact he can just toy with me like this.. I’m not sure how to handle it.”

All you could hear was Eris’s breathing, but you knew he was listening.

“He was my friend and now I’m- well, I don’t know what I am. He’s going to pick you, Eris. He doesn’t want me.”

The confession you had been holding so tight slipped from your tongue like silk. The words sent the bond in your chest into a chorus of screams, their agony the perfect soundtrack to your turmoil.

“Say the word and he’s yours.”

For once, Eris was quiet, no words coming from his mouth. He only shook his head, the movement so precise and imperceptible you thought you dreamt it. You looked back at Azriel, needing to prepare to winnow the two of you away.

Coated in his blood, you had to leave sooner rather than later - Rhysand is surely on the cusp of worry, and there was only so much explaining you could do without forfeiting the cabin.

You watched Eris as you grabbed Azriel’s hands, his eyes reflecting all the hurt you’ve felt the past few weeks. Eris was the easy choice to be mad at - you were tied to Azriel, Eris was just some male tethered to the other end of your mate. But watching him keep his gaze on Azriel, some part of your anger to the redhead cracked, allowing the words to come from you.

“I’ll bring him back to you. He’ll be okay.”

“Thank you.”

Eris’s face hardened as the world blurred, your grip on Azriel strong as the ground gave out beneath you, the wood flooring exchanged for the hard stone of the House of Wind. The two words followed you through space and time, ringing in your ears.

Those two words broke you completely, every ounce of sorrow and pain breaking through. There were no soft cries, only guttural wailing.

It was Nesta you saw first, having followed the loud commotion throughout the house. She found you gripping Azriel, softly crying out to him before she pulled deep in her chest to get Cassian’s attention.

She crouched next to you, wrapping her arms around your shoulder as fat tears rolled down your face.

The bond cried out in pain, practically pleading with you to change your decision, but you knew it was the right choice. Once he healed enough, you’d sever it. You had to. Someone had to put an end to the madness, and you could do what Azriel couldn’t.

Azriel almost died because of this stupid arrangement.

Too lost in your thoughts, you didn’t notice when Cassian or Rhysand arrived, their voices indistinguishable to the inner anguish you felt. You were exhausted, your soul crying out in pain. You swore you could hear tiny cries echoing how you felt.

Through the thick fog of your thoughts, you heard Cassian’s voice clear as a bell.

“I bet Eris is behind this. Bastard tricked us.” You crouched over Azriel, becoming even more defensive of the Illyrian. It was a ridiculous stance, trying to shield him from his brother, but you couldn’t help it.

“It wasn’t Eris.” It came out more as a snarl that sent Cassian reeling back. “I don’t know who, but they- it was bad and- Eris winnowed us away to some clearing.”

Your pleas were gut wrenching, anger dissipating and making way for what you had pushed too far down to heal him.

“Azriel’s bandaged.”

“Eris left and got us supplies. He came back for us. He wouldn’t do this, you have to believe me.” You were sobbing now, clutching Azriel’s arm to your chest like that would fix everything. Your breaths were quick, bringing in enough air to sob once more.

“He didn’t - and Azriel-“ arms wrapped you from behind, gently pulling you into their embrace. The smell of leather and sweat enveloped you, Cassian’s strong arms slowly pulling you from Azriel.

You were blubbering now, mostly cries of Eris’s name over and over. You were scared and full of guilt for Azriel, but your mind kept playing that tender moment between Eris and Azriel over and over again. Your heart cried out for the redhead, a deep well of sadness that you had to pull him away from his mate.

Footsteps retreated away from you, but you reached out, clinging to Azriel’s sleeve to remind yourself he was still there.

Header by @tsunami-of-tears 💕

Only, only one taglist: @paleidiot @becstersworld @seasonallyapril @buttermilktea11 @wolfbc97 @carmenadkins78 @shadowsingercassia @abysshaven @myromanempiree @snatched-bubblegum-bitch @chaos-on-stand-bi @moonlwghts @witchymomfrien @awkwardnerd @ssmay123 @scarsandallaz @meritxellao @saltedcoffeescotch @2ooopenbook @wintersquirrel @manicmanuscription @wavegirl @thisishwrworld @tempermentalbookworm @romantasyreader28 @marina468 @i-know-i-can @rcarbo1 @lifesdisasters @tele86 @ireneisbored @yazzzmints @azysmate @bsenpai @curiosandcourioser @elisha-chloe @yasmin-oviedo @that-one-little-soybean @azrielslittledove @stormieandateacup @anon1227 @phoenix666stuff @asahinasstuff @acourtofbatboydreams @anainkandpaper @mother-above @sunshinedayz19 @bibliophilr @famousprincesscollector @calamislunafox @dnfhascorruptedme @saltedcoffeescotch @blightyblinders @l11lll1th @cabbageisdead @love-over-fears

If you want to be tagged or aren’t being tagged, let me know ❣️

A/N: if you’ve read this far, just know I’m a bit on the fence about this part so don’t be mean to me 🔫

[navybrat817]

I wish I had a smitten Bucky. Just sees me and wants me. 🥺

I know the feeling, nonnie.

Check Yes or No

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female Reader

Summary: Bucky instantly falls for you, but waits to ask you out.

Word Count: Over 2.1k

Warnings: Fluff, could be seen as instalove on Bucky's side, attraction, slight insecurities, minor time jump, Alpine being the best, slight feels (it's me), Bucky Barnes (he's a warning, okay?).

A/N: I can't send Bucky your way, lovelies, so I hope you enjoy this short, surprise fic! ❤️ Not beta read and written on my phone, so any and all mistakes are my own. Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog for new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!

Bucky wasn't looking for love the day he met you, but it found him anyway.

“Hey, Buck,” Steve greeted from his seat when he walked into the conference rooms and nodded to the spot beside him that you occupied. “I’d like you to meet our newest transfer. She’s also moving into the Tower.”

He was a changed man the moment your eyes met. Breathtaking was a word to describe you given how he had forgotten to breathe. He had witnessed many sunrises and sunsets in his life, a kaleidoscope of colors painted in the sky to both soothe and awaken the soul. They paled in comparison to the beauty before him.

One glance and he belonged to you completely.

“Hi, Bucky. It’s nice to meet you.”

While he wasn't sure if Heaven existed, you speaking his name was like hearing the voice of an angel.

“I’m Bucky.”

Of all the things he could've said, reiterating his name was what his mouth went with.

Instead of giving him a weird look or brushing him off when he scowled at himself, you smiled. “I look forward to us working together.”

Bucky couldn't tell you what the meeting was about that day, but he remembered the details about you. The way you leaned forward in your seat to pay extra attention when someone else spoke, also giving him an ample view of your chest before he reminded himself not to stare. The slight crease in your forehead when you jotted down an important note. And the soft giggle you let out when Steve cracked a joke.

He suddenly wished he was funnier.

“Have a good rest of the day, Bucky,” you said when the meeting ended.

Bucky didn't have to try to smile with you. It just came naturally. When you smiled back, it was easy to imagine what it would be like if you were his girl.

“You, too,” he replied, giving himself a mental victory for not screwing up his words this time. “Wait!”

You paused and looked at him expectantly. “Yeah?”

Bucky realized he had no reason to keep you from leaving. He just didn't want you to go. “Do you need help moving your stuff in?”

“I actually got my things moved in late last night, but thanks for the offer,” you replied, checking the time with wide eyes. “I'm so sorry. I have to go. I’m in 2L if you need anything!”

“Bye,” he called after you, turning in his chair to watch you go.

How did he miss you already?

Though Steve had a knowing look in his eyes, he graciously kept his mouth shut as he left the room. He reminded him an hour later that he wouldn't break any bylaws by asking you out. The punk somehow knew that you weren't seeing anyone.

Which made him happy.

While he appreciated Steve looking out for happiness, he still had to get his head on straight.

“Once I completely trust my own mind, maybe I will,” Bucky said, even though the stuff was already out of his head. He owed it to himself to take his time. And you.

Imagine his surprise when he found a note from you on his door the next day.

Hey, Bucky! Lunch on me today? Check YES or NO.

The lopsided grin on his face wouldn't go away when he read it again. You must've been interested in him enough to ask about him. How else did you know his apartment number? Why else would you ask him to lunch?

He nearly shouted “YES” in the hall before he came to his senses and simply checked the option before he returned the note to your apartment door.

When he met up with you later, he told himself it wasn't a date. It couldn't be, right? It didn't keep his heart from stopping when you answered your door. Dressed down and casual, you looked like an angel went to Earth just for him.

“Hey, Bucky,” you smiled. “Ready to go?”

He hadn't said much on the way to the cafe since he was too busy hanging on to your every word, but it was like he had known you for ages as you carried on the conversation. Your questions weren't invasive and you didn't seem to mind the occasional short answers. It was also the shortest meal of his life, over too soon for his liking, and he also refused to let you pay for his meal.

He wanted to show you that gentlemen still existed.

“Lunch again next week?” you offered.

“Sure,” he answered, his head spinning from giddiness.

But it wasn't a date.

It was time to change that.

Today was the day. Six months from the day he met you. Six months of chatting with you between missions and slowly getting to know you over weekly lunches. Six months of falling for you more and more each day and he finally worked up the courage to ask you out.

But falling was the easy part. Confessing was an entirely different story. He would either crash to the ground and hope his wounds would later heal or you’d catch him as he fell. No matter what, he wouldn't let his nerves get the better of him.

“Just like we practiced, okay?” Bucky asked.

“Meow.”

Alpine nuzzled her head against Bucky’s with a gentle purr when he huffed. She was his little partner-in-crime through and through. Like you, even though you didn't realize it, the little white ball of fur helped save him. He was fairly certain he wasn't supposed to bring her to this floor, but any reprimand would be worth it.

Besides, the Tower, office, anywhere they operated should allow them to have their pets with them, especially for emotional support.

“I'm counting on you,” he teased, placing the folded up piece of paper in her mouth. “Go.”

He peeked around the corner when he set Alpine down. The sun illuminated you from where you sat in the lounge, curled up in your normal spot on the sofa. You liked to relax there occasionally to read. He wondered what book you had with you today.

Thankfully, no one was around to disturb you.

Except for him.

“Alpine, is that you?” you asked when you looked up, closing the book as the cat approached you. While the feline was cautious of some, she warmed up to you immediately when you met and solidified that you were the one for him. “Whatcha got there? Where’s Bucky?”

His name spilling from your lips was still one of his favorite sounds.

He held his breath when Alpine jumped up beside you, opened her mouth, and dropped the paper in your lap. He immediately began to second guess himself when you unfolded it with a furrowed brow. Why did he think this was a good idea? Why didn't he just ask you like a normal guy?

To be fair, he hadn't been normal for some time.

“Will you go out with me? Check YES or NO. Love, Bucky,” you read out loud with a huge smile, which was enough to make his heart race. You giggled a moment later when Alpine bumped your hand, the soft noise making his stomach do a funny sort of flip. “Okay, okay. Let me get my pen out of my bag.”

Bucky exhaled a little as he moved to stand in the doorway. You didn't toss the paper away, so that had to be a good sign. He carefully kept himself from showing any outward emotion when you met his gaze, but his knees nearly gave out. His palms also began to sweat when you gave him a half smile.

Just when he thought you couldn't look more beautiful than you had the day before, you proved him wrong.

He ran a hand through his hair and hoped he looked halfway decent since he hadn't brushed it. But you commented a few weeks back that you liked it long when you saw an old photo, so he wanted to grow it out. He lost count of how many times he imagined your fingers in his hair

Maybe one day.

Watching you grab your pen, it was like he was drowning. The tide pulled him under as you made a mark on the sheet. His lungs burned when you handed it back to Alpine. He couldn't come up for air. He couldn't breathe.

Until you smiled again.

“Thanks, Alpine,” you said.

His cat gracefully walked back to Bucky and he swore he caught you trying not to giggle as she climbed up his leg. His heart hammered in his chest when he took the slip of paper from her mouth. Meeting your tender gaze, he couldn't bring himself to open it though.

After he told himself he wouldn't let his nerves get the better of him.

“Not going to see what my answer is?” you asked as he carried Alpine into the lounge.

“I want to,” he replied, sighing as he took a seat beside you. His cat was perfectly content to lay in his lap. “But I’m questioning if I did this the right way.”

The note you gave him for a simple lunch request may have been a small gesture in your eyes, but it meant the world to him. He thought by asking you out this way that he could give you something meaningful in return. Something that only the two of you shared.

That was all he wanted.

You turned toward him, your knee touching his. The small touch sent heat down his spine. “Open it and you’ll find out.”

He nodded, thankful that his vibranium hand didn't shake as he lifted the sheet. “Wait, let me say something before I do.”

The corner of your lip tugged as you tried not to smile. “Bucky-”

“I like you. I really like you. I have since the day we met. And I'm going to like you tomorrow. And the day after that and the day after that,” he admitted in a rush, catching your sharp inhale as he looked into your eyes. “But I know my past isn't easy to deal with. If you just want to be a teammate or colleague, that’s okay. Just. Being a part of your life in some way is more than enough.”

Alpine lifted her head and looked between the two of you, as if she was waiting with baited breath to see what would happen next.

Bucky felt a crack in his heart when you didn't speak or react, his body slumping slightly into the couch. It was okay. He took a chance and told you how he felt. He wouldn't force you to reciprocate.

“Bucky?” you asked above a whisper, reaching over to help him unfold the paper. He gasped when he saw the checkmark beside “YES”, blinking rapidly to make sure you picked that box. “I really like you, too.”

“You do?” he exhaled, grasping your hand with renewed joy. He was careful not to squeeze too hard. Hurting you was the last thing he ever wanted to do.

“Yeah. Pretty much since the day I met you,” you admitted, glancing in your lap before you met his gaze again. He saw stars in your eyes. “And your past isn't your fault, Bucky. You aren't something to ‘deal with’, okay? You’re a good man. I can give you a whole list of reasons if you need it.”

Physically, Bucky’s body was in peak condition. Your confession, however, caused all of the air to leave his lungs and made him weak in the best possible way. A familiar warmth moved through Bucky’s veins as he breathed again and it dawned on him at that moment that he hadn't felt cold since you walked into his life.

Not once.

Your faith in him gave him strength. Your mere existence gave him the courage to try. And he didn't have to go it alone.

“Wow,” he breathed, relieved and elated as he gave you a small smile. “How about tomorrow night?”

“It’s a date,” you smiled.

“Great,” he smiled back. A date. He couldn't wait to see the look on Steve's face when he told him that he finally asked you out.

“And I think the note was purrfect,” you teased at Alpine before you scrunched up your face. “I ruined the moment, didn't I?”

Bucky brought your hand to his mouth, kissing it as gently as he possibly could. He could hear your heart race. So was his. “Not at all.”

He knew it was too soon to say he loved you and it was likely too soon for you to feel that way about him, but he felt hope in your smile that you would one day.

For now, he had a date to plan all because you checked “yes”.

We know it'll be the best date ever, right? Love and thanks for reading! 💙

Masterlist ⚓ Bucky Barnes Masterlist ⚓ Ko-Fi

[reallyromealone]

Title: fated

Chapter: two

Fandom: JJK

Characters: Gojo, Geto, unimportant ocs

Fic type: series

Pairings: Gojo x reader

Warnings: male reader, reader insert, omegaverse, Omega male reader, angst

Notes:

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

Gojo had been staying with (name) for a week at this point, (name) going about his day of without any care and honestly ignoring him half the time.

Gojo was still his... Gojo self.

(Name) Was watching his dramas on the couch as he made little plush toys for the neighborhood children, Gojo had gone out to do whatever... Frankly (name) didn't care and if Gojo didn't have the power to blast off the hinges of his door, he would have changed the locks.

Gojo had Geto send him a copy of (name)s information, everything about the Omega, hobbies and interests though Gojo ignored those as they seemed to be generic Omega things to make the thorn bush that was (name) seem more delicate.

(Name) Was interesting though from the other things Geto gathered for him, and something deeply interesting.

He wasnt blood related to the (lastname) clan...

He was a descendant of a notable figure.

Sakuna.

That would explain his defiant nature.

And then came his abilities...

Jesus fuck.

At that moment, Gojo knew why they were destined to be together.

If given proper training, (name) would be an unstoppable force and it made sense on why he was the diamond of his clan as Gojo was the gift of the heavens of his clan.

Their offspring would be a monster of power.

(Name) Was asleep when Gojo came back, the tv playing a drama as the Omega slept on the couch, curled up and cozy as a few crochet plushies scattered around him. Gojo felt the urge to protect but... He didn't feel love, he was always told that when you met your soulmate you would feel endless love but he just felt... Calm.

Like he did with Geto.

Carefully he lifted (name) and brought him to his bed, tucking him in.

He would learn to love (name) as his omega and (name) as his alpha...

"Work?" Gojo asked confused and (name) nodded with a yawn "of course, what do you think I sit on my ass all day?" Yup he could definitely see how he was descendants to Sakuna now, the white haired man chuckling at his omegas attitude, he definitely wasn't some weak Omega.

Gojo knew he would have to leave soon, he had work to do after all.

But he would be back, he had to come back for his mate after all.

They both had roles to play.

Gojo noticed that (name) always read slower, more intensely "oh.... They didn't see a purpose of having me learn too much, better a pretty Omega than one who could make their alpha look inferior" Gojo with his new knowledge of (name) knew that wasn't the full truth, they kept (name) dumb so that he couldn't be a threat like Gojo was.

"I have to go back to Tokyo tomorrow..." Gojo started and (name) looked up from his dinner "hm? Finally gave up?" He asked calmly and Gojo snorted "I don't give up, I just have to take care of stuff" he said simply and (name) rolled his eyes "it would be easier if you came with"

"Absolutely not" (name) didn't even hesitate to shoot that down, as he glared at Gojo "don't feel like you need to rush back" (name) said with a bland tone as he sipped his drink "ill be sure to come back as soon as possible " Gojo fired back as blue locked with (color) and the two glared at one another.

It took a month and a half till Gojo returned "what is this? You moving into the village or something?" (Name) Asked at all the bags and boxes that sat on his engawa "nah, Geto told me courting gifts are important" Gojo said and (name) looked a mix of annoyed and disgusted "you don't need to do that"

"But I want to"

(Name) Wanted to slap him, the audacity of this man.

Alphas were really shameless.

(Name) Barely glanced at the pile of gifts in his livingroom as Gojo made himself comfortable "so ya miss me while I was gone?"

"No" (name) said simply as he sipped his drink, already feeling a headache form in the front of his skull at the other "the house smells sweeter, you get a new air freshener or something " Gojo tried making small talk and (name) wasn't too interested "no that's just post heat smell, sticks on the walls for a while" this made Gojo freeze "your heat?" When was this?!

"Yeah, it ended the other day" (name) said like it was just talk about the weather, deciding to work on his crossword puzzle that was sitting on the corner of the table "why didn't you call me?" Gojo asked incredulously and (name) glanced up and glared "why would I call you?"

"Because I'm your alpha!"

"But you aren't" (name) argued and Gojo seethed, his Infinity getting a bit stronger and (name) was pushed back a bit, a slight look of fear on his face was enough to snap him out of it and a guilty look on his face "shit, I'm sorry" he was already fucking up even more and it hadn't even been an hour! (Name) Letting distressed pharamones slip out as he whispered "you make no attempts to be my alpha, ignore me for years and then you come into my life and make demands and claims... Then you use your strength the intimidate me... You are no different than the ones I grew up around" (name)a words were like a hot knife as he curled into himself.

(Name) Went about his day as if Gojo didn't exist, the Alpha having the decency of getting a room at the local inn though it was obvious Gojo didn't exactly want to do so but after the stunt he just pulled it was the smartest choice.

Though that didn't stop him from being excessive and clingy.

"Maybe we could go on a date tonight, what is there in this town anyways?" Gojo followed (name) around at work and the Omega was deeply embarrassed as people stared and whispered "can you not bother me while I'm at work?"

"I just wanna see what my omega is up to"

"Not your omega"

"Not yet"

"(Name)?" A voice called as Gojo was a bit annoyed that (name)s attention left him to some beta man who was the embodiment of the annoying boy next door trope "oh kei, is school out already?" (Name) Checked his watch and it was already 5pm, the store would be closed soon "yeah, gave the kids some fun in the sun before school let out... It's a nice day and all" he joked as Gojo dead stared him from behind (name) who paid no mind "that's great! It's too good of day to waste truly"

"Whose this?" Kei asked and looked at Gojo with a stupid smile that made the white haired man feel the urge to turn him into a fine mist.

There was barely any cursed energy in him, both Gojo and (name) combined had enough cursed energy to keep japan lit for a generation! He was weak, the lowest level scum cursed spirit could take him down!

"He's a creep who won't leave me alone" (name) said blandly and Gojo scoffed "Gojo Satoru, his fiance"

"Not my fiance"

"Not with that attitude" Gojo fired back and the school teacher looked between them confused before smiling "well it's nice to meet you Gojo! I'm Sato Kei!" He was inconsequential to Gojo, offering his hand to him but if he was to get closer to (name) he would need to get close to his friends.

"Pleasure to meet you" (name) huffed as they interacted but decided to take the time to return to his shift and shake the tick that was Gojo off him.

Gojo should had known it wouldn't be complete smooth sailing while he was here...

"It's always schools.." he whispered as he adjusted his eye cover and walked to the building where a cursed spirit resided, he just hoped he could finish the job fast.

Gojo didn't have a lot of empathy to those weaker to him, he didn't care about them.

But he did care about his omega, even if he didn't get why he did.

And telling (name) that his beta friend was dead... He never wanted to see (name) cry like that again.

[wcnderlnds]

to the moon [part four] ★ choi seung-hyun (t.o.p)

・❥・ summary: after being bit by the jealousy bug, you're certain seunghyun would want nothing to do with you but he proves you wrong. ・❥・word count: 1.5k ・❥・warnings: none, really. ・❥・ authors note: consider this a filler chapter before we get to the good stuff <3 i also did not proofread this because it's late and im tired so forgive me for any mistakes.

PART ONE | PART TWO | PART THREE

The morning came with many regrets but that bitter, sinking feeling still lingered in your stomach. Memories of the night before plagued your mind. You kept replaying it in your head, trying to figure out if you had read the situation wrong but your mind and your heart were pulling you in two different directions. Your head was telling you that you’d acted irrational, Seunghyun and Rhiannon were nothing more than friends but your heart? Well, it was so emotionally attached to Seunghyun that it ached at the mere thought of him even liking someone else. You hated the way you’d acted, it was embarrassing and definitely not the impression you wanted to give Seunghyun or his friends but you couldn’t take it back now. All you could do was deal with the consequences.

Catching feelings for Seunghyun had never been part of the plan but you couldn’t deny the way your heart skipped a beat every time you saw him now or how each time he looked at you, the butterflies in your stomach began to stir. There was no point denying it now. Besides, it wasn’t like he was going to feel the same now you’d made a fool out of yourself.

With a sigh, you grabbed your phone, seeing a few texts from Seunghyun. You couldn’t bring yourself to look at them yet so instead you decided to hop in the shower to clear your mind. Maybe it would bring you some sense of clarity, possibly the courage you needed to finally text him back.

Fresh out of the shower, you got changed opting for something casual – there was no need to make an effort, it was the weekend and you had no plans. Just as you were about to head into the kitchen to grab a bite to eat, there was a knock on the door. You stopped in your tracks. You weren’t expecting anyone so who could it be? A little hesitantly, you made your way to the front door and opened it to see the last person you expected.

Seungyhun.

There he stood, a shy smile on his face, hands behind his back like he was hiding something. Your first thought was how the hell did he get your address but then you remembered you’d shared it with him in case he ever needed a place to crash. He looked you over as if he was making sure you were okay. Those big, beautiful eyes of his shining with concern. He didn’t let you have a chance to speak, opening his mouth before you could.

“You weren’t answering any of my texts and I was worried so I had to come and make sure you were okay,” his voice was gentle.

“Oh, yeah, sorry. I… uh, just needed some time to breathe,” you wrapped your arms around yourself. 

There was a beat of silence before Seunghyun spoke again, his voice soft. “She’s just a friend, you know?”

Oh. He’d figured it out. 

“...yeah, I know. I just…” you trailed off, unable to find the words to say.

Seunghyun finally pulled his arms from behind his back to hold out a bear. The very same bear he’d been holding last night. “I won this for you. Rhiannon was making fun of me because I was asking her if you’d like it and was nervous about giving it to you.”

“Oh.” The corners of your lips twitched up in a smile, taking the bear from him. Your hand brushed against his, sparks coursing through your whole body. You hugged the bear to your chest. It was almost unbelievable how sweet he was and you’d gone and jumped to conclusions. “I’m sorry. For acting the way I did. I’m just… not good at this. People usually end up hurting me so my mind jumps to the worst.”

“Hey, it’s okay,” he reassured you. “I’m the same way but I promise you, I have no intentions of hurting you. I… uh, I actually wanted to ask if you wanted to come and get brunch with me. We had our time cut short last night and, well, I wanted to spend more time with you.”

Your heart pounded in your chest, thankful you had the bear to clutch onto at that moment. “...like, as a date or… am I jumping to conclusions again?”

He chuckled. “Yeah, a date. If you want. Doesn’t have to be but I’d like it to be.”

“I’d love to.”

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

Seunghyun had chosen a beautiful, little cafe in a secluded part of town. It was the perfect place for a first date. You still couldn’t believe you were actually on a date with him. After last night you were sure he wouldn’t want anything to do with you, believing that you had been too dramatic for him but here you were. Seunghyun sat opposite you, telling you his latest training. You hung on to his every word, nodding when you needed to ask, asking questions at the right moment. It was like he’d never had anyone to really talk to about this and he hadn’t. Most people weren’t interested but you? Well, you were the complete opposite. It was nice to have someone so interested in what he had to say. He could tell it was genuine, too. A lot of people would pretend to talk to him just because of who he was but you didn’t care about any of that. It was one of the reasons he was so drawn to you.

You finished the last bite of your pancakes, pushing the plate to the side. Seunghyun had insisted on paying for the whole thing even though you’d offered to go half with him. He really was the sweetest, kindest person you’d ever met. He’d literally shown up on your door after you’d ignored him and had a jealous meltdown. Most guys wouldn’t look back after that but he wasn’t most guys.

“When do you actually go to the moon then?” You asked.

“Not for a while yet. Still got a lot of training to do and they need to work on the ship. Why? You worried you’re going to miss me when I go?” He teased.

“Well, duh. Once you get up there, you might not want to come back.”

“I think knowing you’re here is more than enough of a reason to come back.”

You blushed, shyly looking down at your empty plate. Your heart raced, cheeks heating up. Seunghyun only laughed, reaching over to give your hand a squeeze. “You’re cute when you blush.”

“Shutup,” you said with no real bite. “It’s not cute turning into a human tomato.”

“I think you’d be a cute tomato.”

“Oh my god.”

He grinned at you, the dimples in his cheeks showing and it made you want to lean over the table and kiss him. Thoughts drifted back to that almost kiss from last night. Your eyes darted down to his lips for a brief second but he caught it. He must’ve been thinking the same thing because he leaned over the small table, cupping your cheek, his eyes scanning yours for any hesitation. When he saw none, he made the move, his lips a hair's breadth away from yours – you could feel his breath on your face, the ghost of his lips almost touching yours – then his phone began to ring.

“...you’ve got to be kidding me?” He mumbled under his breath. The disappointment in his tone didn’t go amiss. Yet another failed attempt at a kiss. Was this the universes’ way of telling you this wasn’t going to happen?

Seunghyun answered the call. You watched as he spoke, his eyebrows furrowing then he ended the call with a sigh. The apology was written all over his face and you knew what was coming next. As much as you didn’t want him to leave – you could spend all day sitting here talking with him, you knew that it was important. So, you weren’t going to stop him. You smiled warmly at him. “It’s okay. If you need to go, go.”

“I don’t want to,” he huffed like a child. “I want to stay with you but… I have to.”

“Space stuff?”

“Space stuff,” he confirmed with a nod. “You better text me back now. I don’t want to have to show up at your door again.”

“I will, I promise.” Then you hesitated for a moment, a little nervous to ask him the question running through your mind but if he could ask you out on a date, you could ask him this. “Me and my friends are heading out to a bar tonight for a few drinks. Would you like to come? You can bring your friends, if you like.”

Seunghyun’s eyes lit up. “I’d love to. Text me the details and I’ll see you there.”

Once he paid the bill, the two of you made your way out. The warm air of Texas hit you instantly, Seunghyun standing in front of you, barely any space between you. For a moment it seemed like he was going to try and go in for a kiss again but instead he placed a hand on your hip momentarily, leaning in to kiss your cheek. “I’ll see you later.”

“Yeah… later.”

taglist (ask to be added!): @ldydeath @infinetlyforgotten @berfgrimm @loveesiren @justsisse @sherrayyyyy @aizshallnotbefound @fleabagspurplewife @gemzyy @bettelaboure @gdinthehouseee @breakmeoff @babyrvis @flymetothexmoon @forevervibezzzz1 @ttturnitup @szonyix6277 @riddlerloveb0t @youlikeex @septywitch @melanatedhorrorqueen @l5byrinth @tabibabib @moontabi @loonybunny1

[thegoldencontracts]

On The House!

Summary: Azul's always seemed to break his "no free lunch" rule with you. A free lunch here, tutoring there, and whatnot. But it's only after you two start dating that you realize why.

Notes: Jai if you see this TYYYY YOU ARE A GENIUSS RAGGHHH, also there's one brief innuendo of "punishment" by the reader bc I feel like teenagers would absolutely make innuendos - source: me and my friends, and also bc the reader's gotta annoy Azul somehow

Everyone knew that Azul Ashengrotto was notoriously stingy. He was a firm believer that if you wanted to cross a bridge, you had to pay the toll. He never gave anything for free.

Except with you. Azul tutored you quite a few times, and he'd even get you snacks while he was at it. Why? Was he trying to scam you?

As you chewed on a piece of the candy he'd given you, you couldn't help but ask.

"Hey, Azul," you said. "Can I ask why you're giving me all this free stuff?"

Azul's eyes widened a bit.

"It's of irrelevance," he said.

Weird. He didn't usually get defensive this quickly. Maybe he was just upset because you'd caught him trying to scam you?

"Is this some weird plan to sucker me into a contract?" You asked, eyes narrowed. "Because I'm not signing anything."

Azul seemed to get irritated at that, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"No, no, I assure you, that isn't the case," he said.

Why was he getting defensive like this? That wasn't usually how he reacted to your prodding. There was probably something you didn't know.

Scratch that, there was definitely something you didn't know.

Whatever. You'd just have to find out later, it seemed.

"Fine, fine," you said. "But-"

Azul rolled his eyes, and you couldn't help but feel a sense of awe that you got to see him so openly annoyed.

"I'm watching, Azul. You'd better not scan me, or else I'll punish you, okay?"

Azul groaned.

"What sort of phrasing is that?" He asked. "You aren't powerful enough to enforce anything upon me either way!"

"But it's funny!"

"Hmph, cretin."

And yet, you couldn't help but wonder, if Azul really thought you were a cretin, why did he give you so much free stuff?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Time passed, and things between you and Azul changed. You'd even begin dating. He still kept giving you free stuff though.

Why? How was it that he could call you an absolute cretin and then shove a bowl of soup cooked by him your way in the same breath?

But then, one day, you realized why he did it.

It was to show his affection.

In hindsight, it should've been obvious. Everyone had some form of expressing their care for others, right? And this was Azul's. It only made sense.

You were going to ask him about it. Mostly because his reaction would be fun.

"Hey, remember that time I asked you why you gave me free stuff so much?" You said one day while the two of you were cuddled together in his bed.

Azul just silently pulled back the hand you'd used for emphasis back to his head, shooting you a bleary glare.

"Mm," he said in what was probably an affirmative. You could never be too sure though. Not with a tired Azul. For all you knew, he could just be expressing his annoyance with the fact that you weren't giving him enough headpats.

"Well, I think you were always doing it to show your looooove."

That seemed to wake Azul up.

Hastily, he swatted away your hand - though you could tell he wanted it back right after, turning away from you with a huff.

"That's utterly preposterous!" He said, though his cheeks were flushed. "I certainly wasn't pining after you like some buffoon!"

He absolutely was. He showed you he loved you since way back then, while all his free tutoring sessions and carefully prepared meals.

"Are you embarrassed about it, Azul?" You said. "Don't me. I think it's cute, you know."

Azul scowled.

"You're a mongrel," he said, before standing up with a sigh. "I'll make you some food, perhaps the added energy will help restore your ordinary intellect."

That actually sounded like Azul was calling you smart and stupid at the same time. Bravo, Azul. Impressive.

Wait. He was doing it again!

"And you're making this because you looove me, right?" You said, batting your eyelashes.

"Think whatever you wish," he said. "But we ought to get back to bed once you finish your food."

He just wanted to cuddle, didn't he?

"Anything for you."

And as Azul asked you what you wanted for dinner, you could tell that he'd do anything for you as well.

[eclipixels]

Makes Sense

Yoichi Isagi x Reader

Content: How your relationship with Isagi began

[3,152 words]

      It was your first year at Ichinan High when you first noticed the timid, dark-haired Yoichi Isagi. Like every other first year, he seemed slightly lost, trying to navigate the new environment, but somehow, he looked even more clueless than the rest. His awkwardness made him stand out, and when you caught sight of his eyes, it was like something inside you clicked, like glass shattering in your mind. You couldn’t explain it, but the moment you saw him, a strange flutter stirred in your stomach.

      You didn’t know what it was, but you knew one thing for certain, you had to make him yours.

      Of course, as a fumbling first-year yourself, still figuring out how to approach people, your grand plan was... to quietly observe him. You kept an eye on his classes, noted who he talked to (not many people), and even made mental notes about what he ate during lunch. You found out he’d joined the Ichinan soccer team and started attending their practices after school, so naturally, you lingered at a few of those, too.

      But after two weeks of your silent stalking, you grew frustrated. Nothing had changed. That strange feeling in your stomach was still there, and you were no closer to talking to him than you were on day one. Finally, you decided enough was enough. It was time to make a move.

      The next day, at lunch, you spotted him sitting alone, as he usually did. He was hunched over his phone, totally engrossed in whatever he was watching. Taking a deep breath to steady yourself, you approached and slid into the seat beside him.

      “Oh! Hey there!” he squeaked, startled by your sudden presence. He paused the video and turned to face you, his expression a mix of confusion and curiosity.

      “Hi,” you said, already second-guessing your decision. Why were you here again? What were you supposed to say?

      “I’m Isagi Yoichi, first year,” he said after a moment, breaking the awkward silence.

      “L/n Y/n,” you replied quickly, blinking at him. Thirty seconds in, and it already felt painfully awkward.

      “Nice to meet you! So… what made you wanna sit here?” he asked, tilting his head slightly. It wasn’t every day someone chose to sit with him, especially not someone new.

      “I don’t know,” you mumbled, kicking yourself internally. Really? That’s the best you could come up with?

      “Oh,” he said simply, looking a bit confused.

      Desperate to salvage the situation, you leaned over slightly to glance at his phone. “What are you watching?”

      The question worked like magic. His eyes lit up as he launched into an enthusiastic explanation about the soccer match on his screen. He talked about the players, their tactics, and his favorite moments. You listened intently, a small smile forming as you watched him ramble on, his passion shining through.

      “Oh, sorry,” he said suddenly, stopping mid-sentence. “I didn’t mean to ramble. You probably don’t care about this stuff.”

      “I like soccer,” you said, cutting him off before he could finish his apology.

      “You do?” he asked, his eyebrows raising in surprise.

      “Yeah, I even have some Barcelona merch.”

      His expression shifted, and he smirked. “Madrid fan here.”

      Well, that was definitely going to be a problem, but you’d figure it out later.

      “Hey, I don’t mean to sound like a stalker,” he began, scratching the back of his head, “but I feel like I’ve seen you around before.”

      Fuck.

      “Oh, um, maybe you saw me at one of your practices,” you admitted, feeling your cheeks heat up.

      “That makes sense,” he said with a nod. “We have one today. You should come.”

      “You want me there?” you asked, surprised.

      “Yeah, you seem really nice. We’re friends now.”

      Your heart skipped a beat at his casual declaration. “Okay, I’ll be there.”

      “Great!” he said, giving you a cheerful thumbs-up before slurping the last of his noodles. You couldn’t help but giggle at the way he did it, finding it both endearing and funny.

      “Uh, did I do something?” he asked, his cheeks turning a soft shade of pink.

      “No, no! Sorry, it’s just… you look cute when you eat like that,” you blurted, immediately wondering where the sudden confidence had come from.

      “Oh, t-thank you,” he stammered, his voice faltering as his face grew even redder. He glanced away, clearly flustered, and you noticed his hand lightly resting on his stomach.

      You weren’t the only one feeling weird butterflies, it seemed.

      -

      You came to his practice feeling a little nervous, but you pushed through and cheered for him from the sidelines. Watching Isagi move on the field was fascinating. His focus, his effort, his skill, it was impressive. But you couldn’t help but notice something holding him back, as if there was untapped potential he hadn’t discovered yet.

      When practice ended, you waited for him by the side of the field. He approached, towel draped around his shoulders and a nearly empty water bottle in hand, gulping down the last few drops.

      “Oh, hey, Y/n-san,” he greeted, his tone friendly but slightly shy.

      “Hey,” you responded with a smile. “You did great out there.”

      “You really thought so? Thanks,” he said, his smile brightening at your words. Compliments like that weren’t something he heard often from people his age.

      “Yeah, you were incredible,” you continued. “We’re definitely going to nationals with you on the team.”

      He laughed softly, rubbing the back of his neck. “I hope so. I wanna be number one one day.”

      “I’m sure you will, Ichi.”

      “Ichi?” he repeated, tilting his head curiously.

      “Well, yeah. It means number one, and it’s short for Yoichi. It fits, don’t you think? Do you not like it?”

      “No, no. I don’t mind it,” he said quickly. “I’ve just never had a nickname before.”

      “Well, I’m glad to be the first to give you one.”

      His smile grew, but before he could say anything else, his stomach let out an audible growl. He laughed sheepishly, pressing a hand to his abdomen. “I was planning to get some food after this. That soba and pickled radish I had earlier wasn’t nearly enough to keep me fueled.”

      “Oh, okay. Have fun then,” you said, unsure where the conversation was going.

      He hesitated, fidgeting slightly before rubbing the back of his neck. “Um, I was wondering if you wanted to come with me?”

      “You want to get food together?”

      “Y-yeah,” he stammered, his cheeks slightly pink. “Only if you want to! I mean, I get it if you’re busy or have other things to do. I noticed the pin on your bag for student government, so you probably—”

      “Sure,” you interrupted simply, sparing him the spiral of overthinking.

      -

      You spent your entire first year of high school quietly pining for Yoichi Isagi. Over time, your lives intertwined so much that you became a regular fixture in his household. His parents adored you, often treating you like their own child. Their home became a second home for you.

      As your friendship deepened, so did your feelings for him. You finally understood the fluttering in your stomach and the quickening of your heartbeat whenever he got too close. But despite the countless hours spent together, the late-night talks, and his mom’s teasing about how much time you two spent together, you couldn’t figure out how he felt about you.

      One afternoon, you decided you couldn’t keep it bottled up any longer. You were sitting on his bed, watching him laze around after practice. His hair was still slightly damp, and he had the relaxed, carefree air that only made him more endearing.

      “Ichi,” you began softly, your voice trembling.

      “Hm?” he responded absentmindedly, not looking up from the soccer replay on his phone.

      “I need to tell you something important.”

      “Mhm,” he hummed again, clearly not paying full attention.

      “I like you,” you said, finally laying your heart bare.

      “Mhm,” he replied automatically.

      The silence that followed was deafening.

      “…Did you hear me?” you asked, your tone sharper now.

      “Mhm.”

      “Are pineapples purple?”

      “Mhm.”

      You stared at him, your emotions swinging between disbelief and frustration. “This is stupid,” you muttered, standing up abruptly.

      “Y/n, where ya goin’?” he asked, confused as he finally registered that you were leaving.

      “Oh, so now you’re paying attention?”

      “I’m sorry! I’m just tired from practice,” he said, sitting up and rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. “What were you saying?”

      “Forget it. It was pathetic and dumb anyway,” you mumbled, already regretting saying anything.

      “Hey, don’t be like that,” he said, his tone softer now. “I’m all ears. Tell me.”

      You hesitated but decided to try again. This time, you started more firmly. “Yoichi Isagi,” you said, staring directly at him.

      He swallowed nervously, sitting up straighter. “Yeah?”

      “I have feelings for you.”

      “Oh,” he said, blinking in surprise.

      “I’m sorry,” you added quickly, bracing yourself for rejection.

      “Do you want to date, then?” he asked casually, as if he hadn’t just rocked your entire world.

      “What?”

      “Well, isn’t that what we’re supposed to do now?” he asked, tilting his head like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

      “Huh?”

      “You know, like in the movies,” he explained, “The character confesses to their crush, and then they get together.”

      “I guess so,” you said, still trying to wrap your head around his response.

      “So it’s settled, then.”

      “What is?”

      “I’m your boyfriend now,” he declared.

      -

      "Have an amazing time on your trip!" Isagi’s soft voice carried a tender warmth as he leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss to your cheek. His touch lingered like a memory yet to be made, and you smiled, savoring the moment. You had been dating for a few months now, a sweet, sweet chapter in both your lives during your second year of high school. As you were saying goodbye before your four-day trip to visit your cousin who lived a few hours away in the next city over. What neither of you realized at that moment was that this would be the last time you’d see each other for a while. The last time you’d feel the soft, reassuring press of your perfect boyfriend’s lips against your skin.

      When you returned from your trip, the news hit when you tried getting a hold of Isagi only to be met with radio silence. His parents sat you down to explain about Blue Lock, the elite training program for aspiring soccer prodigies. He didn’t have access to his phone, they explained, a strict rule enforced within the facility. The revelation wasn’t entirely shocking. Isagi had mentioned the program before you left, detailing how he’d received a mysterious invitation. You’d encouraged him to follow his dream, knowing how crushed he’d been after that gut-wrenching loss to Ryosuke Kira during the national qualifiers. Still, the realization that he was gone, unreachable, settled like a cold stone in your chest.

      You wanted to see him so badly, to share the souvenirs you’d thoughtfully picked out for him during your trip. When you arrived at his room, the air felt different, as though his absence had drained the space of its warmth. You stepped inside cautiously, your eyes scanning the familiar surroundings, and placed the small bag of keepsakes on his desk. That’s when your gaze landed on an open notebook.

      It was an accident, really—you hadn’t meant to invade his privacy. But there it was, your name scrawled across the page in his unmistakable handwriting. Curiosity tugged at you, and before you could stop yourself, you leaned closer to read.

      "Day one without Y/n :(. I didn’t realize just how much I’d miss her until now. There was no one at practice to cheer me on, no one to walk to the conbini with, no one to kiss my cheek. Ugh, this is kinda hard.”

      A soft chuckle escaped your lips, though it wavered with the faint ache of longing. The words were sweet, his tone so raw and unfiltered, and they warmed your heart. But you had no idea what deeper truths lay hidden further within those pages.

      If you had read back further, you would have uncovered things you wouldn’t like to see. Confessions of his confusion after your heartfelt confession. Isagi admitted he hadn’t been sure how he felt at first. How he wasn’t sure what love was supposed to feel like. How he felt a nagging sense of obligation, as if being with you was simply the logical choice—because how could he not? You were perfect in so many ways, and he couldn’t imagine letting you down. You already treat him so nicely. Isn't the purpose of a girlfriend to have someone who cares about him and likes him for who he is? Someone who supports his dreams? You already do that for him.

      It wasn’t until you left, until the days stretched into weeks at Blue Lock, that he began to understand. The ache of your absence sharpened his feelings into clarity. He missed you in ways he hadn’t known were possible. He missed the soft scent of your hair when you hugged him, the way your head fit perfectly in the crook of his neck, as if it was meant to be there. He missed the way you cheered for him with unbridled joy whenever he scored a goal, your voice cutting through the noise to remind him he wasn’t alone.

      And your smile, oh God, that radiant, heart-melting smile you gave him every time you saw him—it haunted him. He missed you so much it felt like a part of himself had been torn away, leaving a hollow, aching void. He regretted not giving you a proper goodbye. If he had known how much he would long for you, how deeply you’d become a part of him, he would have told you everything.

      But there’s no such thing as a proper goodbye because he didn’t want you to be away from him in the first place.

      It was then that he understood. You weren’t his girlfriend out of convenience or logic. You were his girlfriend because he loved you. Truly, deeply, irrevocably. Loving you was what made sense.

      Now, more than anything, he wished he could tell you. He wished he could look you in the eyes and say the words that had been etched into his heart all along. I love you.

      -

      "I'm not leaving here until I see my boyfriend!" you snapped, glaring at the sharp-tongued, bowl-cut freak standing in your way. His unimpressed expression only fueled your determination.

      "For the last time, no." Ego groaned, his tone dripping with exasperation. It was clear he found your persistence exhausting, but you refused to back down. Why wouldn’t he just let you see Isagi?

      "Anri-chan!" you called, spinning on your heels to face the only ally you had here. Anri was your cousin’s best friend, which worked to your advantage in moments like this. Her presence was a lifeline, a beacon of hope in this fortress of rules and restrictions.

      "Oh, come on, Ego! Just let her see him for a few hours!" Anri pleaded, her voice tinged with a mix of sympathy and frustration. She couldn't help but be moved by your desperate insistence. It reminded her of her own feelings towards a certain person. Turning back to the stubborn man, she added, "Think of it as a good morale boost! It might actually benefit the kid!"

      Ego’s eyes narrowed, and he crossed his arms, his patience wearing thin. "If I make an exception for her, then I’d have to do it for everyone. Blue Lock isn’t some—"

      Anri cut him off with an almost smug look, her voice dripping with a playful edge. "I hope you realize you're not going to win this. Nobody’s ego is worse than that of a determined, vindictive teenage girl."

      You didn’t miss the way Ego clenched his teeth, clearly annoyed by her remark. "Anri..." he growled, his voice low and warning. Yet she held his gaze firmly, an unspoken challenge hanging in the air between them.

      You raised an eyebrow, sensing some sort of sexual tension between the two. You shoved the thought aside; now wasn’t the time to dwell on their dynamic.

      Finally, with a long, begrudging sigh, Ego threw his hands up in defeat. "Fine. But only for a few hours."

      That was all you needed to hear. Relief flooded your body as you bolted down the hall, not even waiting for further instructions. You had no idea where you were going, but you didn’t care. You’d figure it out. Behind you, Anri called out in alarm, her footsteps echoing as she rushed to catch up with you.

      "Y/n! Wait!"

      Your heart pounded in your chest, a mix of excitement and nervous anticipation. It had been weeks—weeks without seeing him, without your boyfriend. You weren’t sure how much longer you could have endured the separation.

      You turned down another hallway, your eyes scanning desperately for any clue to his whereabouts. Finally, you noticed a row of doors with numbers etched on them.

      "Which one is it?" you asked, turning to Anri, breathless. She sighed but guided you to one of the rooms, muttering something about reckless teenagers under her breath.

      When the door opened, you were met with the sight of several boys, none of whom you recognized. But then your eyes found him, and everything else faded into the background.

      "Ichi!" you cried, your voice trembling with a mix of joy and relief. Without hesitation, you ran to him, your arms wrapping around him in a tight embrace.

      Isagi froze, his body stiff with shock as he tried to process what was happening. But then recognition dawned on his face, and a wide smile spread across his lips. He returned your embrace, his arms strong and warm around you, and before you knew it, he was spinning you around like a scene out of a romantic movie.

      "Y/n? What’s going on?" he asked, his voice filled with disbelief, though his grin betrayed how happy he was to see you.

      The room buzzed with curiosity. "Who’s this, Isagi?" a boy with dark hair and yellow highlights asked, his tone teasing.

      “My girlfrien—” Isagi didn’t get to finish his sentence before you cut him off with a kiss. You pulled back slightly, looking into Isagi’s familiar, bright blue eyes.

      "I missed you," you whispered, your voice shaky with emotion.

      “I love you.” He whispered, loud enough for only you to hear. It was like a weight was lifted off his chest, replaced with something warm and fuzzy. It felt good to get it out.

      And in that moment, nothing else mattered—not the curious stares of the boys, not Ego’s grumbling approval, not even Anri’s amused smirk from the doorway. You were finally here, with him, and that was all either of you needed. It just made sense.

[centrally-unplanned]

Another big stop in Tokyo for me was Jimbocho Book Town! It is a neighborhood of, depending on who you ask, up to 400 generally-secondhand bookstores flanked by some of the major universities in Tokyo. The local government even prints out maps of the stores to help people find them all:

Which, you will note, is not 400 stores, because the process of becoming an "official" Jimbocho Town Bookstore is an intensely political operation run by local stakeholders with tons of fights over what should qualify and what rights that entails - never change humanity!

"Book Towns" used to actually be quite a common thing, and they peaked during the literary boom of the late 19th century. Figuring out "what books existed" was a hard task, and to do serious research you needed to own the books (you weren't making photocopies), so concentrating specialty bookstores in one area made sense to allow someone to go to one place and ask around to find what they need and discover what exists. It was academia's version of Comiket! Modern digital information & distribution networks slowly killed or at least reduced these districts in places like Paris or London, but Jimbocho is one of the few that still survives.

Why it has is multi-causal for sure - half of this story is that Tokyo is YIMBY paradise and has constantly built new buildings to meet demand so rents have been kept down, allowing low-margin, individually-owned operations to continue where they have struggled in places like the US. These stores don't make much money but they don't have to. But as important is that Japan has a very strong 'book collector' culture, it's the original baseball cards for a lot of people. The "organic" demand for a 1960's shoujo magazine or porcelainware picture book is low, but hobbyists building collections is a whole new source of interest. Book-as-art-collection powered Jimbocho through until the 21st century, where - again like Comiket - the 'spectacle' could give it a lift and allow the area to become a tourist attraction and a mecca for the ~cozy book hoarder aesthetic~ to take over. Now it can exist on its vibes, which go so far as to be government-recognized: In 2001 the "scent wafting from the pages of the secondhand bookstore" was added to Japan's Ministry of Environment's List of 100 Fragrance Landscapes.

Of course this transition has changed what it sells; when it first began in the Meiji area, Jimbocho served the growing universities flanking it, and was a hotpot of academic (and political-polemic) texts. Those stores still exist, but as universities built libraries and then digital collections, the hobby world has taken over. Which comes back to me, baby! If you want Old Anime Books Jimbocho is one of the best places to go - the list of "subculture" stores is expansive.

I'll highlight two here: the first store I went to was Kudan Shobo, a 3rd floor walk-up specializing in shoujo manga. And my guys, the ~vibes~ of this store. It has this little sign outside pointing you up the stairs with the cutest book angel logo:

And the stairs:

Real flex of Japan's low crime status btw. Inside is jam-packed shelves and the owner just sitting there eating dinner, so I didn't take any photos inside, but not only did it have a great collection of fully-complete shoujo magazines going back to the 1970's, it had a ton of "meta" books on shoujo & anime, even a doujinshi collection focusing on 'commentary on the otaku scene' style publications. Every Jimbocho store just has their own unique collection, and you can only discover it by visiting. I picked up two books here (will showcase some of the buys in another post).

The other great ~subculture~ store I went to was Yumeno Shoten - and this is the store I would recommend to any otaku visiting, it was a much broader collection while still having a ton of niche stuff. The vibes continued to be immaculate of course:

And they covered every category you could imagine - Newtype-style news magazine, anime cels, artbooks, off-beat serial manga magazines, 1st edition prints, just everything. They had promotional posters from Mushi Pro-era productions like Cleopatra, nothing was out of reach. I got a ton of books here - it was one of the first stores I visited on my second day in Jimobocho, which made me *heavily* weighed down for the subsequent explorations, a rookie mistake for sure. There are adorable book-themed hotels and hostels in Jimbocho, and I absolutely could see a trip where you just shop here for a week and stay nearby so you can drop off your haul as you go.

We went to other great stores - I was on the lookout for some 90's era photography stuff, particularly by youth punk photographer Hiromix (#FLCL database), and I got very close at fashion/photography store Komiyama Shoten but never quite got what I was looking for. Shinsendo Shoten is a bookstore devoted entirely to the "railway and industrial history of Japan" and an extensive map collection, it was my kind of fetish art. My partner @darktypedreams found two old copies of the fashion magazine Gothic & Lolita Bible, uh, somewhere, we checked like five places and I don't remember which finally had it! And we also visited Aratama Shoten, a store collecting vintage pornography with a gigantic section on old BDSM works that was very much up her alley. It had the porn price premium so we didn't buy anything, but it was delightful to look through works on bondage and non-con from as far back as the 1960's, where honestly the line between "this is just for the fetish" and "this is authentic gender politics" was...sometimes very blurry. No photos of this one for very obvious reasons.

Jimbocho absolutely earned its rep, its an extremely stellar example of how history, culture, and uh land use policy can build something in one place that seems impossible in another operating under a different set of those forces. Definitely one of the highlights of the trip.

[rippeanuts1950-2000]

i hate u i love u

Prev|Next

Chapter 3)

He never flirted with her first.

Oh sure, Corey flirted with her on a daily basis but that was when she was winning an argument, not because she was just minding her own business. What is his deal? Is he trying to get her to let her guard down? Well tough luck, he lost that privilege three years ago.

These are the thoughts running through Laney’s head as she does stock check in the back. Remind her again why she took this job? It is a miracle enough that she got hired, considering her history with Corey but a part of her wonders why she still took it even though she doesn’t hang out with Corey anymore.

Mostly she knows it was for nostalgia. This shop was where she got her first bass. She remembers how six year old her held Corey’s hand as they tried to find the perfect instrument for her. Mr Riffin was so patient with them, especially Corey because he kept pointing out instruments that he thought looked cool to Laney.

(“We have to find you the coolest instrument, Lanes.” He had said. “Why Core?” Laney had asked. “Because you’re the coolest person I know!” Corey had answered. She’s pretty sure that after that moment she gained her crush on Corey.)

Laney shakes her head of the memory. It’s weird to think about it, the time before Grojband. Before they stopped being friends. The inner child in her misses it.

Whatever, what’s done is done. 

Speaking of things being done, she’s almost done noting down stock which means she’s gonna have to face Corey again. Sometimes she wonders what would happen if she quit.

*****

“That was fast.” Corey says when she steps out to the front. “We don’t have much stuff in the back.” Laney responds, refusing to look at him. “Did you finish what I asked you to do?” Corey nervously scratches the back of his neck. “So the funny thing is, I didn’t do that. Instead I wrote more lyrics to my song.” He answers. Laney scoffs. Well at least he didn’t try to lie to her.

“So the one time I need you to NOT write lyrics, you end up writing lyrics.” She snaps. Corey throws his hands up in a “so sue me” kind of way. “The words started flowing and my inspiration was going wild!” He argues. For some reason, his words make Laney want to yell at him more. “But you couldn’t have that when I was still part of the band?” She says bitterly. Honestly this sort of thing shouldn’t affect her as much as it does. But the fact that he started taking writing lyrics seriously and actually stopped relying on the diary after she left has always left a bad taste in her mouth.

Corey glares at her. “Oh this again? For the last time, I didn’t have inspiration back then! I was thirteen, stupid, and wanted our band to get big so that I could share our music with the world!” He exclaims. 

Laney slams her hands down on the register counter. “And what changed? Cause last I checked you did have inspiration from Trina’s diary entries. How do you have inspiration now all of a sudden?” She’s screaming at Corey at this point but honestly she doesn’t care. “I just do okay!” Corey says, crossing his arms. “Oh my god, could you give me an actual reason instead of that? You do this everytime I ask!” She snaps. Corey stomps over to the register, looking ready to yell at her like a mad man. Good, cause Laney will yell right back. “Did it ever occur to you that you leaving might have been my inspiration? Now that I don’t have you breathing down my neck about lyrics every five seconds, I know how to write lyrics without the diary.” He answers, and even though he’s not yelling Laney can sense the anger in his voice.

Laney shoves him away from her. At some point since he got over to the cash register he had somehow managed to get in her face. “I only lectured you so much about lyrics because you never tried hard enough to write GOOD lyrics on your own and you ALWAYS relied on Trina’s diary. And then like two minutes before we had to perform, you always made us drop everything to steal the stupid diary despite the fact I always told you to do it ahead of time. If anything, I was the reason we got anything done.” She growls, jabbing a finger against his chest. Corey scowls. “You held us back!” He yells. Laney freezes.

Did he just?

Oh this dumbass.

“I held the band back? Riffin, that is the biggest load of bull shit that has ever come out of your mouth. I’m the reason why Grojband fucking exists. I was the one who told you we should start a band. I was the one who asked Kin and Kon to join because you were scared they would say no despite the fact that we had been taking music classes with them since we were seven. I was the one who booked us our first gig. I was the one who helped you come up with the name! What did you do? Write bad lyrics and criticize me when I had valid objections. Held the band back, my ass. If anything, that was you!” Laney screams. Thank god Mr Riffin wasn’t in the shop that moment, she would have been fired for sure.

“Lanes, I-” Corey tries to say something but Laney cuts him off. “Shut up, I don’t want to hear it. And you lost the right to call me Lanes three years ago.” She says, ducking down and pulling her headphones and her lyrics folder out her backpack. She crams the headphones over her head, turns on Paramore, and pulls out the lyrics for i hate u, i love u. It’s been way too long since she last worked on it.

Out of the corner of her eye Laney can see Corey watching her as she writes, an apologetic look on his face. He sees her looking at him apparently, because after a few seconds of subtly glancing at him, he mouths “I’m sorry.” at her.

Whatever, what’s done is done and she’s gonna make sure the Newmans win the Battle Of The Bands.

*****

“What did you do?”

Corey glances haphazardly at Kin who is currently trying to play god with fusing genes or something at his little office space in Corey’s garage. Honestly Corey’s not even sure he cares to know what he’s doing after how he acted yesterday. “A lot of things.” Corey mumbles, rolling over on the couch. Kon, who is chilling on the floor in front of the couch eating cheese and chips for some reason, hands him a bag of chips. “Did Laney reject the Battle Of The Bands bet?” He asks. Corey takes the bag unceremoniously. “Nope, she said yes.” Corey says.

Kin lifts up his goggles and swivels his chair towards him. “How'd you mess up with her this time?” He asks, pulling out a notepad and a pen, ready to take notes on his friend’s issue. Sometimes Corey thinks Kin is convinced he’s a mad scientist/licensed therapist. Only one of those things is true. Unfortunately for Corey, he can not afford a real therapist so Kin is all he’s got.

“Let’s see, not only did I flirt with her unprompted, the next thing I did after flirting with her was get into an argument with her. And what does my brilliant brain decide to say when I’m losing the argument? That she held the band back.” Corey lists off. Kon starts gagging on a piece of cheese he had been eating while Kin’s pen explodes because he’s gripping it too tightly. 

“YOU TOLD HER WHAT?!?” The twins scream at him. Kin grabs Corey by the shoulders and starts shaking him. “Corey, you idiot! Laney was the original heart and soul of Grojband! Without her we almost fell apart, don’t you remember?” Kin rants. If Corey wasn’t being manhandled by him, he would have yelled at Kin.

Of course he remembers, he almost broke the band up because of it. Making music without Lanes sucked. He never thought he would miss her constant reminders to start writing lyrics soon or they were gonna be in deep trouble, but he did. Kin and Kon were great but he had known Laney since they were in kindergarten. She was the first person to believe in him outside of his dad and Trina(back when she was Katrina and not Trina). If it hadn’t been for Kin and Kon telling him that they should at least try and make music without Lanes did he realize that breaking the band up was a stupid idea. Now the band is as strong as it was before, just missing a bass player. Both in reality and in their hearts.

“I know, it was stupid and dumb and I regret every word I said. Except for the flirting, that I stand by.” Corey says, once Kin has stopped shaking him. Kon groans. “Corey, that’s not the point. You still said it and that probably lowered her opinion of us, again.” He says, shaking his head in disappointment. “If you love her, why do you act like this?”

Corey opens his mouth to argue but then closes it. “I…I don’t know.” He admits. This snaps Kin back from his quiet ramblings about blue haired idiots. He picks up his notepad and gets a new pen from out of his pocket. “Let’s dig deeper into that, shall we? Now I understand you and Miss Penn had been friends for years before the incident in 9th grade.” He says, tapping the pen on his pad. “Yes, Kin, we were. Why are you acting like this is something you don’t know?” Corey grouses.

“Restating it allows me to understand your mind a bit more which will make it easier for me to excavate it. Anyway, before the incident in 9th grade did you realize your feelings about Ms Penn?” Kin asks, waving Corey off. “No, it wasn’t until after she left did I even start to think about feeling that way towards her.” Corey says, picking at his nails. He really needs to repaint them. “Good, good. So when she left the band and stopped being your best friend, did it feel like a break up?” Kin continues. “Dude, you know he felt like it was a break up. We had to drag Corey out of his room because of how bad it got.” Kon cuts in. “Ugh, Kon you just ruined my dramatic ‘this is why you act this way’ speech! Thanks a lot.” Kin replies tersely.

“Your what now?” Corey tries to ask before Kin shushes him. “What I was going to ask after the break up question was going to be some questions about the Ewmans and how you felt after she made friends with them. But since that’s ruined, I’ll just get straight to the point. Corey, you subconsciously want Laney to hurt the way you did when she stopped being your best friend. In order to do that you hurt her verbally in hopes that she’ll feel the way you felt back then.” Kin explains. 

Corey blinks. That explains so much. “So how do I stop acting like this?” He asks. Kin shrugs. “I don’t know, unfortunately. I could figure it out by doing some brain scans. And possibly going into your mind and switching around a few things.” He suggests. Corey immediately shields his head. “No we’re not doing that!” He exclaims.

“Calm down, it was just a suggestion.” Kin says, as if Corey’s reaction is unjustified. Corey lets out a sigh. “Kon, what do you think I should do?” He asks. Kon raises an eyebrow. “I think it’s pretty obvious. Stop being a dick and stop flirting with her when she’s clearly not into you anymore.” He says. “But flirting with her is so fun!” Corey whines. “Well stop doing it because you always do it after you’ve been a dick to her.” Kon says, rolling his eyes. “It’s not rocket science, Corey.”

“So I should just leave her be until the Battle Of The Bands?” Corey asks. “I mean that wasn’t what I was suggesting but that does kind of sound somewhat of a good idea.” Kon says. “He’s right, it’ll probably make Laney feel better about having to leave the Ewmans for a month to hang out with us. Which will increase the odds of her joining us permanently.” Kin says, scribbling down some complicated math equation that apparently connects with Laney. “And that’s what I want to happen.” Corey murmurs. Kin and Kon pat him on the back. “That’s what we all want to happen buddy.” Kin says quietly. “So don’t mess it up for us.” Kon teases.

Corey grins. “I’ll do my best. Now let’s get practicing, we can’t get Laney back if we’re not good enough. ”

WE ARE SO BACK! So sorry about how late this is and that it’s short and probably not my best work. I’ve started writing the next chapter so hopefully the next wait won’t be so long. Let me know what you think and as always my asks open if you’re confused about something! I’ll see you next time, bye for now!

[mariamariquinha]

Some thoughts on Frank Castle (since he came to my orbit quite recently)

"Cut it out."

"I said I don't need help."

"You say a lot of bullshit. Now shut the fuck up and lemme work here."

Being totally honest, you and Frank were just an acquaintance. Same line of work, the undertone of living for the kill, you know.

You're pissed. Your own last recent job was harsh, leaving you with nothing but bruises all over your body and face.

He kept swiping his eyes over your form, making mental notes, probably understanding that you were also pissed to have to deal with him at that moment.

"There you go," You said, the wound on the side of his head now clean and covered. "Is there anything else you need?"

"I didn't need anything else in the first place," He grunted, which made you roll your eyes.

You two looked at each other for a beat.

"... Looks like you had a lot of fun, so Curtis will call soon. If you want me to say you didn't stop by, work something out so I can use it as an excuse."

"You can think of something."

"Wasn't you saying you didn't need anything in the first place?" You provoked with a raised eyebrow. "It needs to be consistent or so he'll worry. Be creative."

He didn't say a word, so you let it go. Getting out of the bathroom, you'd heard the door close while walking away.

Frank took a 15 minute shower, but he stayed in the bathroom for half an hour.

You watched from the kitchen the way he looked around when he entered in your eyesight, glanced at you, then sat on one of the chairs.

"You hungry?" You asked lazily, sipping on a lukewarm beer (the same one you'd been nursing before he stumbled inside your apartment).

He grunted. Again, you rolled your eyes.

That was a silent dinner, then a silent night.

"What happened with you?"

The two of you were sitting on the couch, even if in different corners, and the question he threw your way made you squirm a little.

"Work. You?"

He averted your gaze, turning his eyes back to the TV even if it was off.

It was never the end of the discussion with Frank, though. He always kept stuff in mind to basically interrogate you later, and then you would argue that you shouldn't open your mouth if he never shared his bullshit with you.

And that was what he did.

You were in the bathroom before bed, trying to change the bandage on your ribs, when you saw him in the reflection of the mirror.

With nothing but a bra and shorts, you didn't mind having him seeing you like that. You minded when he saw you like that.

"I'll do it."

You didn't protest. Frank walked closer and started to examine the wound, probably analyzing the other bruises on your back, arms and legs.

"I'll stay here for a few days if you don't mind," His voice was a murmur, his gaze tucked in your wounds instead of your face. After a beat of silence, you nodded.

"Laying low?"

"What I'm going to do can wait."

"... And what is it you're gonna do?"

No answer. You sighed in frustration.

"I know you're not the one to take advice, but you need to be more cautious. You may not be irreplaceable, but Curtis can find someone else who does what you do."

He wasn't looking at you when he said so, giving you nothing but his profile while he started to work on the new bandage carefully.

"Like you."

Not a question, but a statement. That made him share a glance with you over the mirror.

"... I'm not you."

"I know," You said.

"And he knows it too. Be careful anyway."

When he finished his work, you two called it a night, laying together on the matress but not quite touching each other. No one really were in condition to use the couch.

"Jersey."

You turned your head at him, his eyes on the ceiling for a bit. Sensing your confused expression, Frank mirrored your gestured and eyed you back.

"Tell Curtis I'm in Jersey. Contacted from a public phone."

"I don't know if there's public phones in Jersey."

"There isn't. He knows it."

You frowned even more.

"He'll get it. Give us a break."

"Us?" You raised an eyebrow.

"Mm-hm. I still need to know who did that shit with you," He adjusted himself to be closer.

Since he left the last time, it was quite a pleasure to have him in your arms again that night, bruises and all.

-----------------------------

special shout out to @thoroughlymodernminutia because we're holding hands in the meanings of having it bad for jon bernthal.

[britt-kageryuu]

The stream started abruptly, with the camera at an angle, with some papers partially obscuring the view. So it's fairly obvious that this was not an international stream. The first few to the stream wondered why this kept happening, especially with Dee (Donnie) being be into tech.

On screen is Leo in a lab coat with elbow length gloves, large safety goggles, and a face mask on his face. The only tell that it was Leo was the bleached blue/blond braids being held back with a long blue fabric strip.

This was the closest the audience has been to seeing Leo without the model overlay. Not that they know that his model is just himself with some anime filter on top.

Leo was using a mortar and pestle to grind and powder some unidentified plants and some minerals. He would either put the mixture into what looked like a small cauldrons, or a device that made the mixture into pills.

Leo pauses every now and then to look at what was likely order forms or prescriptions, before reaching for another couple items to mix together.

The only sound other than the friction of the pestle on mortar, was Leo incoherently muttering softly or making sounds while judging the mixture.

Though occasionally Leo would get louder and it was more clear what he was saying.

"Hey River, tell your Dad, I'm running low on the stuff to make his special skin cream." Leo says while the sounds of opening and closing drawers could be heard.

A "Got it Uncle Blue!" followed by a chirping sound could be heard near the camera. Leo moves to pour a mixture into a different container, while looking over a note.

"Ah yes, the lady who always complains about the taste of the medicine. While it might be possible to make the plant lose the taste, it will likely also lose lots of benefits. Just ask my botany obsessed brother, who also doesn't like the taste."

He gets up to grab something from nearby, which was a folder labeled 'Patients to Screen'.

"New Guy huh, notes: nicknamed 'Mr. You're Trying To Poison Me', fired and banned from most Doctors and Apothecary is the greater area... oh I wonder why?" Leo lets out a sigh before flipping to a new page.

"Well it's that time again, time to remind patients that I we don't have certain licenses or medical knowledge. I swear, they think I have the know how to do anything with a standard degree."

Some in the audience were treating it like ASMR, since the soft noise and ambient sounds were kinda soothing. Others were still amazed that Leo was crafting medicine the old fashioned way.

A bit later Leo is seen setting up a portable stove to heat the cauldrons on, making what looked like a soup, but others in chat insisted He was crafting potions irl.

There is a slight sound of hooves on flooring before, a person who was likely, Draxum appears with a big binder, and some scrolls. Draxum doesn't say anything, and just grabs a few items and gives a polite nod of the head.

Though before he leaves he does add, "You are aware that your streaming camera is on right? If not then I hope you didn't say or do anything incriminating."

Leo sits up streat before slowly turning to the camera. He seems to think over everything he might've done on stream before just unplugging the camera. Leaving the small number of the audience intrigued as to what might've happened.

The VOD does eventually go live, with little to no edits, other than to the model overlay so it's more obviously Blue/Leo, and jokingly titled, 'Blues' Apothecary ASMR (guest pop-ins by River & Father Goat)'.

----------------------

Masterpost

I was half asleep when originally writing this, and surprisingly only had to change a few typos, and rewrite some that didn't quite make sense to my more awake brain~

[digitaldoeslmk]

I just have to say I love your art and your AU! As someone who is a big fan of LMK, but also reading JTTW right now (Anthony C. Yu Abridged Version since thats all I have access too right now), you have effectively mixed two of my favorite things right now!

I enjoy LMK because it's a fair intro to the stories while still being altered for the enjoyment of the viewers (and a younger audience). Things are definitely far from being one to one with the books, but I see it as a good starting point for people who have no idea about the culture or original story. I will admit Macaque is one of my favorites in the show, I'm a big fan of bastard characters, but even I can see that the mischaracterization of him is quite heavy since they altered the story so much. It's why I separate LMK!Macaque from JTTW!Macaque.

That being said I do also absolutely love JTTW. I'm from America so I'm used to westernized versions of stuff, but reading JTTW has been a blast. I love the characters and the story because it's a way for me to learn about a culture that's not my own. That also being said it's not the easiest read I've ever had, just because it isn't my culture and I went into reading it havign very little knowledge of the religions they touch on in the books. All the same it's still amazing. I also enjoy Macaque in JTTW. I mean who wouldn't love the cannibalistic and antagonist monkey who's actually super intelligent?

All in all I love your AU and I love that it still holds that ability to tell the story more in-line with JTTW's events (also give Macaque a more predominant role and characterization) while still holding the behavioralisms I loved to see in the characters of LMK.

- Lycori 🌸

thank you so much!! i'm happy that you enjoy my au! :DD

personally, i think that some of the changes made by the series go too far, or make it harder to get into jttw rather than easier, but i can't deny it has introduced a whole lot of new people into his wonderful novel! i think if they have kept some buddho-daoist cosmology fundamentals rather than westernizing it, maybe folks like you wouldn't struggle as much with some of te cultural contexts, yknow? and most importantly, chinese fans wouldn't feel alienated from the western fans.

still, i'm glad to hear you're able to separate the two, and that you can enjoy them both in their own merits!! i think that lmk has a lot of good qualities, not just the animation and voice acting, and hopefully my au can make a compelling point for how it could have been an overall stronger narrative if it had leaned harder on the source material and culture without cutting off those good qualities :D

if you'd like, i can always offer some good articles and meta posts i've come across related to jttw! i'm also working on a post of my notes and annotations of Oedipall God by Meir Shahar, which gave me a lot of cultural context that helped me make sense of a lot of plot beats in both jttw and fsyy (Investiture of the Gods), so people can't read the book can have access to some of its material :D

again thank you for the ask, it was very sweet! <33

[nightcall99]

Dreams from 17.8.24

Dream 1: I was about to do an exam. Time in this dream seemed to flow as with waking life, so it's like I was actually there going through this. I walked into the hall to find a seat. It was communal tables where people sat in groups instead of the usual exam conditions where you have individual desks. Most of the tables were full and I approached a table where a guy (but don't know irl) was sitting that I had some history with, but didn't like. I think he make a few jabs at me and I tried to sit as far away from him as possible. Somehow I had notice of what the exam question was going to be and so I had prepared an essay in advance and memorised it. I knew this was the only way to pass since I am terrible at thinking on the spot. I looked inside my pencil case deciding on what writing utensil to use. I had a mechanical pencil and lead refills which weren't in a case, just lying at the bottom. The lead was thicker than usual. I though it would be a good idea to use a pencil since I'd be able to erase things but I was still undecided. I asked the girl next to me, Should I use a pencil or pen? She was like, When have you ever needed to erase anything, just use a pen. I think she was trying to say that I'm a senior student who has been doing exams for awhile and should know what's up by now. I took her advice. But then the pen turned into a flat type of rock and when I looked around everyone was writing their essays with this rock and it was normal.

I was trying to remember my pre-written essay to write it down but I couldn’t. It didn't help having all these people in close proximity, which was distracting and there was just random noise happening like people talking and stuff. I couldn't remember any of it. I tried to think of things to write on the spot but I just couldn't at all. I got so frustrated that I burst out loud telling everyone to shut up and they did. But it didn't help, my memory was shot and so was any creativity. I ended up writing some stuff but I knew that none of it made any sense. I had no idea what I was saying. I didn't even re-read what I was writing because I knew it'd make my anxiety worse knowing it was not good. I knew the essay I'd pre-written was so much better. A bunch of time passed and I'd almost written a page. I think the duration of this exam was 1.5 hours, around that. Then I realised that the essay I'd prepared was right there, slotted into my exercise book. If only I could just take a peek, just to jog my memory but there was no way I would be able to do it without getting caught. The teacher even came by and reprimanded me for using the exercise book to write in in the first place. I should have used a loose page. He said, There’s all sorts of things in there that would be helping you out. He didn't know I had the essay in there but he was talking about notes from classes. He wasn't happy but he said, Give me two 25 word paragraphs and you’re done. I said, Ok.

I'd still barely completed a page and it was terrible. I was writing a new paragraph now trying to a expand on a new point which I had mentioned at the start. I realised I had hardly addressed any of things I said I would in my intro. In the intro I made mention of 5-6 things to discuss. I just kept thinking about how my sentences were so disjointed and my handwriting looked so weird, like a child's scrawl. Even the chick next to mentioned it when she looked over. I said my handwriting changes sometimes especially when I’m stressed. This feeling came over me, like I was cheating but not in the typical dishonest sense. It just did not feel like 'me' doing this exam, it's like I was cheating myself. My mental faculties were just not there and it's like I'd anticipated this happening.

(This is basically what happens to me irl, but exaggerated to bring the point across. I've always struggled with 3D when other people didn't)

Scene 1: A bunch of travel medicines, was it for me? Yeah I guess I was going away. I saw doxy (malaria prevention). wasn’t sure I needed them but took them.

Scene 2: "An active mountain is moving closer to your house"

[sunshineshobi18]

You Don't Look At Me (part 2)

words: 4.8k pairing: Joel x female!OC, Tommy & Maria are also in there cw: strong languge (but honestly when does that not happen), angst ^^, vague mentions of the events in episode 9 summary: When they finally get back to Jackson, Maria is quickly able to sense the tension between Joel and Lori. Joel tries to defend himself and how he feels about Lori, but things quickly go south when Lori tells him how she actually feels.

note: it feels like an eternity since I put out the last update, but here we go with the next part. Thank you so much for your patience

(prologue) (part 1)

---

The events of the past day felt like a blur to Joel. Or maybe he did remember many things very clearly. The pain, the anger, the surprise and doubt, he remembered all these aspects so vividly. It was only Lori’s presence that felt like clouds in his mind and he felt horrible because of it. “I’m sorry,” he whispered softly as he looked at the rear view mirror to find Ellie still unconscious on the back seat.

-

Earlier that day he remembered how silent Ellie had been. She often didn’t even hear him talk, but even if she did her answers were short. He had scavenged a few things through the rubble and broken cars and containers that he presented Ellie with a smile. The only reason Lori was so vivid in that memory was because he had come across something for her. Something that had piqued Ellie’s interests.

“Here,” Joel said as he handed Lori the book. Lori accepted it with a weak grip, almost dropping the book. Ellie, who had been sitting in front of Lori, looked at the girl with curious eyes.

“What’s that?” she asked and Joel couldn’t help but sigh in relief when he saw how Ellie had become a bit more lifely. He was worried she had completely changed with everything she had been through, but that same childlike curiosity was still there. Joel had hoped she’d return to her normal self.

Lori shrugged lightly, holding the book up a bit better so Ellie could see the cover. “Sudokus,” Lori told her.

“Why’d you give them to her?” Ellie turned to Joel as she asked him this.

“Used to like them,” Joel said with a nonchalant tone, “Lori, I mean. If we found them during runs, we’d give them to Lori. Kept her busy.”

Ellie chuckled softly at this, finding it an amusing thought, but Joel hadn’t thought it was that funny. “That’s cool. I didn’t know you liked stuff like that,” Ellie told Lori with a brighter smile on her face. It was a smile that broke Lori’s stoic expression and she cracked the slightest of smiles back at Ellie. “I was never able to figure out how they worked. Maybe you could teach me one day.”

Lori’s response came in the form of one slight but firm nod. “Sure.”

-

Joel pushed his head back further in the backseat as he sighed. His eyes were back on the road. “I’m sorry,” he repeated, but there was no answer.

Deciding to stop being so petty and finally start acting like the adult he should be, Joel turned his head to the right. He made a quick mental note of the girl in the passenger's seat before focusing on the view in front of him. “I’m sorry for what happened inside the hospital. I never would’ve pointed that gun at you if—” Lori shifted in her seat, her head now facing the window on her right and Joel sighed. “I fucked up, but I’ll make it up to you.”

Silence filled the car once again and this time Joel decided to stay quiet. He didn’t know what to say, afraid that he’d say something wrong. However, Joel was sure he already did. He had pushed Lori’s boundaries over their limits miles earlier in their journey. Though not able to exactly pinpoint when and where that happened, Joel knew that the damage he had done to Lori and his relationship with her was irreversible.

-

By the time Joel and the two girls had reached Wyoming, Joel had explained—lied about—what happened in the hospital, they had stopped to find Ellie some clothes and Lori had not spoken a word.

The older man was aware he wasn’t the best at communicating, but during that hike he realised how bad he was at choosing his time and place to talk about certain things. He hadn’t meant to start talking about Sarah. He hadn’t meant to start comparing Ellie with Sarah, but he was just so overjoyed with the fact that Ellie was there with him. Safe and by his side. It was just that when he turned around to seek confirmation from Ellie, that his eyes darted past the girl and landed on Lori. Her head was turned down, her eyes focused on her feet and if Joel’s eyes were better he’d be able to confirm whether the shine on her cheeks and the drop hanging from her nose were tears or sweat. He hoped it was the latter, but he knew it was the former.

Joel stumbled a bit as he lost his footing, his attention completely on Lori. Ellie gasped at the sudden erratic movement when she almost walked into Joel. Joel caught her by the shoulders before leaning in closer. “Ellie, you go on and walk ahead. I’ll be right behind you.” Ellie was about to question him, but when she looked up she noticed he was looking at something behind her. She followed his gaze and saw Lori saunter behind them, her stare mostly fixed into the floor. Ellie nodded and with a pat on her shoulder, Joel sent her to walk in front of them.

“Hey, kid.” Joel’s tone was cautious as he approached Lori. She didn’t look up at him. “I uhm… I want to say I’m sorry.” Lori didn’t answer. “Again,” he added with a sigh. “I know I’ve been unfair towards you, but I promise I’m not doing this on purpose. I—”

“Let’s just get to Jackson.”

Joel’s breath hitched at the girl’s cold and short words. “We will, but I just want to apologise first and—”

Lori looked up at Joel. It was the first time in a while that they had made direct eye contact and it was jarring to say the least. Lori’s eyes were red, the skin around them wet and irritated. “Once we get to Jackson, I’ll stay out of your business.”

“Lori, that’s not what I want,” Joel said. He sounded lost and the guilt must’ve been so audible in how he spoke.

“Let’s just continue.” 

And that’s what they did.

-

By night time the three had arrived back in Jackson. Maria and Tommy had invited them in for dinner. The public dining hall was done serving food for the night and Maria didn’t want to send Joel and the two girls to bed starving.

They all wish she had.

Dinner was awkward to say the least. Maria and Tommy had asked the group how their journey had been and so they told what happened, although with many holes in their story. It was also fairly clear to the couple that something was wrong with Lori. She hadn’t really said anything, but hummed and offered short answers in response to whatever had been asked.

“Hey!” Tommy chuckled awkwardly after silence filled his kitchen. “At least you’ve seemed to have grown closer.”

Joel pressed his eyes closed and with a sigh he rested his head in one of his hands. Ellie cringed, grimacing as soon as those words left Tommy’s mouth and Lori dropped her fork—she was only really using it to pick at her food.

Maria was quick to pick up on everything. The plot holes quickly being filled by the context she’d been given in front of her. She made eye contact with Ellie, who seemed to understand what she was conveying and shared a quick nod with her. “Hey Ellie, maybe you should head back already. I had Tommy drop off some stuff and heat the house while I was finishing dinner.” Ellie didn’t need to be asked twice as she ran out the house to the house across.

Maria waited till the echo of the front door being slammed shut stopped ringing through the room before speaking up again. “So let’s talk this out. Hmm?”

Joel looked up with wide eyes, as if he had been caught doing something he shouldn’t have. Lori remained looking at her plate of barely touched food. “I don’t know—”

“Oh, come on Joel. I might not know what’s going on, but I’m not blind or stupid.” Maria turned to Lori. “She hasn’t said anything the whole night and you haven’t even looked at her. I’d be upset too if the man I’d known for years doesn’t ask me if I’m okay while laughing and talking with the girl he’s known for barely a year. It’s like you don’t care.”

Maria’s words seemed to spark something in Lori as she looked up at her with big, shining eyes. Lori chuckled softly before she spoke, “wow, I guess it’s not only me who noticed.” The young girl faked a smile, but her face clearly showed how hurt she felt. Maria looked at Lori with a soft yet sad smile.

“I do care!” Joel shouted as he slammed his fist down on the table.

“Really felt like it when you pointed that gun at me.” The young girl’s voice was laced with sarcasm. Joel had barely the time to respond when Tommy and Maria looked at him in horror.

“You did what?” Tommy yelled.

Joel shook his head rapidly and made an attempt to explain the situation. “I was trying to get to Ellie and Lori just ended up being there.”

“There you go, bringing up Ellie again.” Lori rolled her eyes before she looked at Joel. “Joel, I told you… You don’t have to act like you care about me. It’s clear that you don’t.”

“But I do,” Joel insisted as he walked to the other side of the table and sat in the chair next to her. He turned her chair facing it towards him and grabbed her by her forearms. “I really fucking do.”

“Then you should’ve shown me,” Lori whispered. “And I don’t mean by giving me a book with already filled-in sudokus because you faintly remember Tess looking out for those for me.”

Joel sighed once again and lowered his head. “Tell me how to show you and I will. I’ll do everything—”

“It’s too late,” Lori said. Her walls were breaking as she could only show Joel a watery smile before trying to escape his grasp. “All you had to do was look at me. You had to think of me. You had to not be so willing to think I was dead when we were in situations that rationally would’ve had me dead.” Joel hesitantly let go of Lori’s left arm as she used her already freed right hand to pry his fingers away from her. “All you had to do was a fraction of what you’re doing for Ellie and I would be fine.” Tears filled Lori’s eyes as she stood up. She looked at Joel and he looked at her. It was the first time he had looked at her with genuine emotion, although it was more likely he felt guilt than actual care for her.

“When you and Tess found me back then… I thought I had a second chance for a family and for a while I really felt like I had. When Tess died, I thought I’d still have you, but I realised that Tess was the only family I had left,” Lori explained with her voice trembling. “A father—” Lori’s breath hitched and she placed a hand on her chest as if she was in pain. “And I know I’m not your daughter, but a father is allowed to fuck up. He’s allowed to make mistakes if only at the end of the day he takes responsibility, he shows he cares and he makes an effort. And I’ve been really fucking patient with you to start making an effort, but it’s too late now.”

Joel’s vision started to blur as he heard the pain laced in every word that left Lori’s mouth. “I know I don’t deserve it, but give me one last chance.”

Lori shook her head from side to side, denying his plea. “It’s okay if you don’t care. Just, please let yourself come to terms with it. Stop making yourself believe that you care because you feel obligated to care. I rather—” Lori cut her words short as she felt a sob rising in her throat. She turned to Maria and without any words exchanged, the older woman placed a hand on the small of Lori’s back and ushered her upstairs, inviting her to stay at her house.

Joel and Tommy watched the two figures retreat before looking at each other. It was clear in Tommy’s disapproving look, that the younger of the two brothers had a lot to say. Joel braced himself for the scolding he deserved, but it never came.

“Aren’t you going to yell at me?”

Tommy scoffed, turning towards the stove in the kitchen. He grabbed a kettle, filled it with water and prepared two mugs. “Is that what you want?”

“Of course it isn’t,” Joel groaned in an almost annoyed tone and joined Tommy’s side. “Of course I don’t want you to yell at me, but I can see there’s so much you want to say.”

Tommy turned stiffly to face his older brother and asked, “you know who else had a lot to say?” He answered his own question by looking towards the stairs where Lori had appeared earlier. “Lori is a smart girl. She knows what the problem is. She knows how you can fix it and she can guide you every step of the way, but she doesn’t. You know why?” Joel shook his head ‘no’. “Because it would hurt. It would hurt both of you and she’d do anything, but hurt you.”

“How’d you know?” Joel asked weary.

“Because I look at her! I listen to her! And I can fucking see how much she cares about you. How much she needs you—”

“She doesn’t need me!” Joel yelled back at his brother. The older of the two was heaving as he was reminded of a painful memory of a loved one he lost. “Tess, told me so. Lori and Tess never needed me.”

“Maybe! Maybe in the past she didn’t, but now she does. Everyone needs someone and all she has is you! Poor girl needed someone and her only option was this fucking asshole!” Tommy yelled as he shoved his brother back a little. “This fucking jerk, while there are so many people out there that would’ve loved to take care of her.”

Joel scowled, hiding his guilt behind an unstable wall of his anger. “Then you fucking take her—”

“Oh wouldn’t that be easy,” Tommy chuckled. “Break her, put her through all your bullshit and then drop her onto someone else.”

“What do you want me to do?” Joel’s bassy voice echoed through the whole house. Tommy shook his head in disbelief and turned to fill the two mugs with tea. “What do you want me to fucking do?” Joel repeated more aggressively.

“Get out,” Tommy ordered lowly before turning to Joel. “Leave this house and leave Lori alone. Go be a father for Ellie, because that’s what you want so badly. And never bat a fucking eye at Lori again. I swear to God—”

“Guys!” Maria stood at the bottom of the stairs, a disapproving look on her face. “We can hear you from upstairs,” Maria sighed as she joined the two men in the kitchen with an annoyed frown on her face.

“I’m sorry,” Joel apologised coldly, pressing his lips shut to contain all the things he wanted to yell at his brother.

Maria took her place next to Tommy and wrapped her arms around his bicep. “Tommy’s right, Joel. I think it’s best for you to stay away from Lori—”

“What? Don’t you realise I’m trying to set things right.”

Maria and Tommy shared defeated gazes. “Let’s just say you tried enough and it’s not working.” Though Maria’s gaze was soft, her tone was firm and final. “You should leave now. It’s late.”

Ignoring the man’s lost expression, Maria grabbed one of the now tea-filled mugs on the kitchen counter while Tommy grabbed the other one to bring it up to Lori. Tommy turned off the small light above the kitchen counter before he followed Maria up the stairs, leaving Joel in the now dark room downstairs.

-

It had been a week since that night. The night Joel, Ellie and Lori arrived in Jackson. Most of the week Joel and Lori wouldn’t see each other, outside of the occasional glances when they saw each other in the dining hall or somewhere outside.

That whole week Maria and Tommy had been taking care of Lori, although she was perfectly capable of taking care of herself. They just provided her with some meals, a warm place to sleep and running water. In exchange Lori would help clean around the house and cook dinner when Maria was tired and Tommy was out on patrol. Still, she didn’t talk much to the adults, clearly not as attached to them as she was to Joel at some point.

“Just one lunch okay?” Maria asked, leading Lori down the dining hall. The young girl looked at her with a look that was anything but willing to go through with Maria’s plan. “I promise you that if you don’t like it, you can just leave. I’ll be at the bar in case anything happens.”

With a groan, Lori gave in. She settled down at an empty table and grabbed a book of sudokus to keep her busy as she waited. Maria left her with a thumbs up and a bright smile, heading towards the bar a few metres away from her.

“You like those?” Lori looked up to find a man—probably in his forties or fifties—pointing at her book. He had a kind face, although he looked tired. His glasses enlarged his green-grey eyes making him look anything but threatening. Lori nodded wordlessly in response. “I— I’m Robert. Maria told you about me, right?” Lori nodded again. “Can I sit down?” She nodded.

At first the tension between the two was palpable. They sat in awkward silence, with Lori buried into her book of number puzzles and Robert examining her carefully. Each time Lori made a movement Robert’s eyes darted away for a moment, in case she would notice him staring.

A minute later, Robert couldn’t take the silence anymore. The growing noise that filled the dining hall made him anxious, as if it was urging him to make conversation with the girl. “I—” He started, gaining Lori’s attention, however, he didn’t know what to say. “Are you hungry?” Lori looked around, noticing that the people at tables around her were already eating. She nodded with a shrug. “Stay here, I’ll get you food.” Before Lori could answer, Robert stood up to get the both of them food.

Lori’s eyes followed the man and landed on Maria. The older woman gave her a look which told her that she was a bit disappointed in the lack of Lori’s input in the conversation. Lori pressed her lips together and sighed before nodding at Maria. “I’ll try,” she mouthed at Maria which Maria responded to with a thank you.

Robert returned with two plates full of food. Lori couldn’t help but notice that the plate he put in front of her had more food on it. She didn’t question it however and just thanked Robert in a quiet whisper. Robert gasped with wide eyes causing Lori to look at him in surprise. Quickly his face turned red before he shook his head dismissively. “It’s just that this is the first time you spoke to me. I’m sorry, I hope that didn’t make you uncomfortable.”

“It’s okay,” Lori quickly told him and Robert’s anxious front quickly melted. He smiled at her softly and it was something in his eyes that made it so that Lori couldn’t look away. She felt comforted just by the way he looked at her with so much care. Suddenly the warm feeling became so overwhelming, Lori quickly looked down at her food.

Lunch continued in silence for a while with Robert finishing his food first. He waited until Lori was on her last few bites when he placed his hand on the book Lori had carried with her. “You’re pretty good at these,” he told her as he picked up the book and looked at the cover. “Easy seems too easy for you. I have some advanced puzzles at home that you can have.”

Lori looked at him with big eyes causing Robert to chuckle. “You seem interested,” he laughed and Lori couldn’t help but chuckle as well.

“Do you also like them?” Lori asked softly.

“Sure. I was a maths professor before all this, but it was really my son who loved puzzles like these.” Robert’s smile faded once he clocked Lori’s expression. “Oh yeah, I had a son about your age. I didn’t mean to bring it up and make you uncomfortable—”

“It’s fine!” Lori suddenly yelled, causing Robert to jump a bit in his seat. “I mean… I’m sorry for your loss. I just didn’t know that— I hope you don’t feel obligated because of Maria—”

“Hey,” Robert said to interrupt Lori who had started talking more quickly. “Don’t worry about it. Maria told me she was looking for a family that could take you in. My wife and I have two free rooms, we know how to handle kids, although Kevin really was a handful sometimes,” he chuckled at that. “We’re just trying to see if you feel comfortable around me and if not that’s fine.”

“You don’t think I’m trying to replace him? Your son,” Lori asked with her brows furrowing in something akin to shame.

Robert quickly denied her claim, confusion filling his tone as he responded with, “why would you think that? My wife and I love Kevin, he can never be replaced, but that doesn’t mean we can’t take care of another kid. I mean, you can basically take care of yourself. All we want to do is offer you a place you feel comfortable.”

Lori’s cheeks had reddened completely at that point. The two of them were only supposed to get to know each other and see how things went, but Lori felt like she had accelerated the conversation to a point beyond where they should’ve been. Maria and Tommy would have a baby at some point and with Lori taking up the only free room in the house, there wouldn’t be enough space for all four of them. Besides, Lori didn’t feel like she really belonged with Maria and Tommy. The children's home—for kids who had arrived in Jackson alone or just didn’t have any adult relatives—wasn’t a great fit either. Lori didn’t get along with many of the kids her age because she had a “reputation”. She didn’t know what the kids said about her, but it was clear in the way they eyed her that it wasn’t pleasant.

Talking about moving into Robert’s house so early in their relationship wasn’t ideal, but Lori couldn’t help it. She didn’t realise she craved parental care as much as she did. She had always thought it was only Joel she wanted, but she realised that anyone would do as long as they cared. Robert seemed to care. And maybe it was because Lori reminded him of his deceased son Kevin, but she didn’t care. She felt connected to Robert and her inner child just wanted to cling on to the hope that she found someone who cared about her.

“Lori?” Lori’s eyes snapped up when she realised Robert had been calling for her for a while. “Maria is signalling you’re about to leave. Let’s talk again tomorrow, hmm? I’ll see if Julia can come along. I’m sure she’d love you and I hope you’ll like her as well. I’ll also bring some sudokus if you want?” Lori felt overwhelmed, still, but she nodded. “Hey.” Robert’s tone was softer now. “Don’t think about moving or anything like that yet. I don’t want you to feel pressured. We’re just getting to know each other and if at any moment you don’t like it—”

“I like it,” Lori squeed and Robert couldn’t hide the fatherly smile on his face. “I mean that I like this so far. It feels…” Robert nodded knowing exactly what Lori wanted to say and it surprised her. She had always had to explain herself to Joel, especially in the later years, but Robert just got her.

They parted ways that afternoon and Tommy couldn’t believe his eyes as Lori and Maria came back home, the younger girl beaming and smiling like he had never seen before.

-

“Joel?” Ellie’s voice sounded loudly through the house the second Joel started to put on his boots at the front door. “Can you pick up some soap and maybe a new towel at the trading post today? We’re kinda running out.”

“And you’ve been scrubbing your body too hard with that towel that you need a new one?” There was a slight raise in octave as Joel spoke, his joking and playful side not letting the chance to tease Ellie go past him. Hearing the annoyed groan coming from upstairs made Joel chuckle, knowing he was successful in getting on the girl’s nerves again. He’d call it payback for all the times she’d annoyed him. “I’ll see if I can find some stuff!”

With that he was out the door and heading towards the trading post.

It was a lot more packed that day since a group of patrollers had seemingly hit the jackpot with the place they had basically raided the night before. The people of Jackson were haggling to get the best value out of their trades and Joel just watched from a bit further away as he waited for his best “toiletries trader” to finish his trades with the five women before him in line.

Joel was posted up against a thick support beam, he trusted to hold his weight. His eyes continued to scan the multiple trading stalls set out to see if anything else caught his attention. Something— no, someone certainly did.

“Look at the smile on that kid.” The cheery voice next to Joel’s voice startled the man, causing him to jump back a little. Just beside him stood Tommy with a dumb smile. “I bet it’s been years since you’ve seen her like that. Couldn’t be because of you, hmm?”

Joel examined his brother’s face before scoffing. “Is this entertaining to you?”

Tommy chuckled, turned his head to give his brother a nod and then turned his head back to watch Lori who was excitingly skimming through different hair accessories.

“Whatever,” Joel sighed and joined where Tommy’s gaze fell. “Lori has never shown interest in stupid things like that. How was I supposed to know that was what she—”

“It’s not for her.” Joel could practically hear the sadistic joy in Tommy’s voice as he spoke. Tommy cared for his brother—there was no doubt about it—but he felt like Joel deserved to feel every ounce of guilt and pain after everything Lori put up with because of him.

Joel’s face fell further, if that was even possible, when he saw a man walk up to Lori. His ears weren’t the best, but he could hear everything when that man told her “Julia would love this.”

And Lori’s response sounded even clearer as she replied with, “that’s good. I wish I could gift her something better for taking me into your guys’ house.”

“You’re already a gift, Lori.”

Joel’s heart sank as Lori smiled up at the man with the brightest smile. The same smile she had always given Tess. The same smile he had been on the receiving end for only a handful of times, but he, at that moment, realised he had always taken it for granted.

“Robert and Julia are taking Lori in so I guess you’re welcome back into our home,” Tommy said so nonchalantly. “I mean, it doesn’t seem like Lori is coming back to me. She’s been enjoying their company. They’re good people.”

Although Tommy wanted to rub it in that Lori had moved on from Joel, Tommy also wanted Joel to know that the people that were taking care of her were to be trusted and would never hurt her. Tommy wanted Joel to know that if there was even a tiny piece in Joel that wanted to make things right with Lori and possibly bring her back to him—though, he highly doubted that—Joel had lost his chance and there was no reason for him to even try.

Joel didn’t realise Tommy had left as his eyes were focused on the way Lori’s cheeks and ears became red. “I—” she stuttered as she looked up at the man, who Joel newly found out was called Robert.

Robert reached over her shoulder and grabbed a second hair clip, one that matched the one they had picked out for Julia. “Here,” he said as he clipped the accessory into Lori’s hair. “As a ‘thank you’ for trusting us and letting us take care of you. And that’s what we’ll do until you get sick of us.” Robert and Lori both laughed at his words. “We’ll take care of you.”

---

taglist: @daddysfavoritesexkitten @midgetpottermills

note: I don't do permanent taglists atm (I actually don't do taglists in general, but I thought why not since I was asked) so if you want to be tagged in a future part of this you'll have to just message me or comment and I'll keep note of that.

[amaya-writes]

May I respectfully ask for some more flirty Bakugou stuff? Especially the competitive flirting, that sounds incredible omg. Seems like there’d be so much potential there. 🥺

I just cannot get enough of the concept I-

Notes: I actually really love how excited everyone collectively got for flirty Bakugo. I decided to write a drabble this time but let me know if you were looking for hcs so I'll do that too. This is lowkey just the written version of this post except I changed it up a bit

Warnings: slightly suggestive if you squint hard enough, flirting, he calls you doll

Characters involved: Bakugo, mentions of the other 1-A students

"You know, maybe if you learned to keep your mouth shut you wouldn't be such a fuckin' extra."

The UA dorms seemed to quieten down at his words, or maybe it was just your mind playing tricks on you that made you feel like all of the building's inhabitants collectively decided to tune into your conversation.

Either way, you found yourself almost automatically replying to Bakugo's taunts.

"Maybe if you knew how to properly use yours you would be more likeable."

Your eyes and hands never left the pot in front of you even as you hit back, making Bakugo's annoyance heighten tenfold, just as you knew it would.

The consistent tapping of his knife hitting the cutting board came to a stop at your words, but even as you felt Bakugo approach you from the other side of the kitchen you never let your gaze up from the pot before you.

It hadn't been long since your little game of sorts had started, but somehow you and Bakugo had automatically gone from just classmates to something more the second you retaliated to his usual round of insults.

Maybe if he hadn't been so persistent on throwing special insults at you and calling you doll in that mocking way the two of you wouldn't constantly be at each other's necks ready to fire another round of flirts and see who gave in.

Or maybe if you had kept your mouth shut and head down like most did when confronted with his attitude, maybe if you had just given in at the start, you wouldn't be subjected to Bakugo's peculiar games.

You should have known he wasn't the type to give in easily, but as you felt him come close enough for his breath to ghost over the back of your neck just to slide the cut vegetables into the pot, you couldn't help but feel a sense of annoyance take over.

"Oh, I could show you just how experienced I am."

He was doing it again. Lowering his voice in that suggestive way that drove you crazy while he moved away from you and let one of his hands mindlessly fiddled with anything that would draw your attention to him.

But this time you didn't give in like the others, already knowing your mind would run blank the second you allowed yourself to pay attention to him and his stupid smirks and chuckles that you had no business being attracted to.

Instead, you laughed.

You laughed even as you felt yourself squirm and fiddle with the spoon in your hand in an attempt to distract yourself.

You laughed as if what Bakugo said was the craziest thing you had ever heard, because even if his words affected in you ways you would never admit, you wouldn't be giving in any time soon.

"As if."

It was clear that your words had got to him with the way Bakugo once again moved away from the counter to stand beside you, however, nothing would have prepared you for what came next.

"Let me kiss you and you'll find out."

You weren't going to say yes.

You were supposed to turn and meet his gaze head-on and shut him down completely, watching as the fire in his red eyes roared to a point that required Kirishima's interventions.

You were supposed to say no, but how could you when the allegedly apathetic Bakugo Katsuki was finally making a move and trampling all over the unspoken rules of your game?

Thus, even if it was against your better judgement, you felt yourself nodding before you could change your mind. And you were glad you did, because the way Bakugo's lips all but crashed against yours was certainly worth it.

He wasn't an amazing kisser but the way his lips moved against yours a little too roughly and carried an urgency made you smile where others would frown.

It wasn't drawn-out or slow, soft and romantic, but it was Bakugo Katsuki, and that was enough to have you kiss back and finally abandon your spoon in favour of carding your fingers through his hair.

The two of you remained like that for a while, with his arm wrapped around your waist making you forget about everything else around you, but then the stinging need for oxygen returned, and you felt yourself pulling away faster than you would have liked.

"Stop pretending you don't like me as much as I like you."

You couldn't help but smile at the annoyance in Bakugo's voice, noticing how a light blush coated his cheeks as he spoke.

"Stop pretending to be a chicken and ask me out already."

It was his turn to smile at your words, with the sight making your heart do backflips as you waited for a response.

"Want to go somewhere tomorrow?"

"Like a date?"

The scoff that echoed around the two of you made you giggle, but unlike the last time, Bakugo seemed content with the sound of your laughter.

"Obviously idiot."

You took a moment to lean forward and plant a kiss of your own on his lips before agreeing to his plans and returning to the pot on the stove, too busy trying to stop your heart from racing to notice the way his blush deepened.

Bakugo hadn't thought he would have actually made a move. After all, he wasn't one to accept defeat easily, but a tie would suffice for now. For he might have not won your little game, but who was he to complain when he finally had you instead?

[umepnnn]

astro observation ii

!! 𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐂𝐋𝐀𝐈𝐌𝐄𝐑 ¡¡ they're only personal observations so take what resonates <3 the entire chart matters! — this one's kinda long XD enjoyyyyy

observations made using tropical placidus house system unless specified! i don't own any images in this post :">

⤷ previous astro notes by me (aka @umepnnn) ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

we all know aquarius people as trend-setters right? but if they're late to a trend they won't join 😭 only until it dies down and they start it again. same goes with prominent uranus.

7H mercury people remember their crushes birthdays better than of their friends'.

remember taurus placements & 2H virgos with a keen sense of smell and taste? i notice that they have a specific scent(s) they like too.

me when asked "what scents do you like?": the smell of books, shampoo, etc.

them with the same question: *inserts that one specific perfume brand and name*

and when we go to sephora they'll be at the perfume section testing and smelling every scent while i'm just🧍‍♀️

aquarius placements have a lot of hot goss on people (doesn't mean they gossip/bad-mouth others, they just know things - like being in the inner circle).

saturn - moon harsh aspects during childhood they might have secluded themselves from their family.

like avoiding family dinners and eating alone at a different time or always staying in their room

pisces kids usually want to have their own independent room.

THEY NEED ALONE TIME

they don't feel comfortable being themselves around others, so sharing a room with someone is a no no

unless they spend the whole day somewhere else and only go back to the shared room at night then maybe

aquarius placements usually have (& buy) a lot of electronic devices.

like 2 phones in different models, 2 ipads, 2 airpods, or a laptop but they'd also buy a bluetooth mouse and/or keyboard

pisces & aquarius placements likes gaming and bingeing movies.

aquarius placements do things for no reason. if you ask them why they did something, expect to get a *genuine* "i don't even know" response.

aquarius placements are good with technology, and could even be talented at coding.

the sign on your 3H cusp can show what your fingers and fingernails look like.

air signs: BEAUTIFUL hands, big and clean cut nails

fire signs: short (usually bitten) fingernails, small tiny nails

earth signs: long nails as they rarely cut it, likes getting their nails done (no need for acrylics because they already have their long ass nails 😭)

water signs: size of nails varies, fingers are curvy/can be bent easily

3H gemini can mimic others' handwritings easily, also art (imitating the hand movements).

pisces, capricorn, scorpio – they are attracted to people with emo dark aesthetics, eboy/egirl kinda type.

random thought but earth signs make up a tree.

capricorn: the seed — planting requires a lot of hard work and effort to grow (cardinal & saturn energy)

taurus: the tree — keeps growing & rooted at the same place, preserves through the weather (fixed energy)

virgo: the leaves — transitions, adapts and changes colors every season (mutable energy)

pisces are the type to sleep right after they come home from work or school.

the cleanest, tidiest, most organized person i know has a 6H stellium of sun, pluto, and mercury.

absolutely NO fingerprints on their laptop screen & their room is always tidy + decorated

if a virgo likes you, expect TONS of gift-giving (food or like practical stuff) and acts of service.

mars conjunct asc often have reddish cheeks.

༄˖ ࣪⭑ 𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐒𝐈𝐆𝐍𝐒 !!

cancer risings' eyes remind me of tim burton's cartoons. big round eyes that's bulging out a bit and possibly could just POP out (inserts joey-tribbiani-shocked-face.jpg).

cancer risings have wide and prominent forehead that really stands out when you look at them (kinda like a crab's shell!), and especially as they age it gets even widerrr.

i kept looking at matt leblanc's (joey tribbiani) and matthew perry's (chandler bing) forehead when i was bingeing on friends and now i finally know why

*i made a mistake when compiling these cancer rising celebrities! matthew perry actually has leo ascendant at 10° although he's still a cancer rising in vedic ehe 👀

makes me wonder if leighton meester (gossip girl's blair waldorf <333) is a cancer rising cuz i kept staring at her forehead xD plus the BIG eyes

cancer risings (sometimes) move like strands of noodles, kinda lanky and squiggly with their arms and legs.

i noticed that many cancer risings like plants and they take very good care of it.

cancer risings just give off super kind and comforting vibes <3

i love cancer risings so much and cancers in general, they're usually the one to randomly check up on you to make sure your feeling okay 🥺

pisces risings have dreamy tired-looking eyes, but when they SMILE it's just 🥺🥰💘💘✨ their eye smiles 😭💘 will 🤛 literally 🤛 make 🤛 you go soft

also when pisces risings smile, they usually have softer round corners of their mouth and their upper teeth are usually a bit forward, widee smiles btw.

pisces risings, especially women, are often asked "are you ok? you look sick" 💀💀

i mean "no we're just not wearing makeup" – from experience

leo risings got that gang leader type of vibe.

leo risings (that i know), LOVES branded clothing and everything designer brands.

and even for unnecessary things like a louis vuitton phone case, a chanel strap for the suitcase handle, a prada glasses then another glasses but in louis vuitton so they can choose which one to wear depending on their mood

i was wondering why my leo rising best friend is SOO LEO RISING, until i noticed that she's also a leo rising in her sidereal chart LMAO (cuz her tropical leo ascendant is at 26° so when it moves back in vedic it's still in leo 💀)

no i did not just roast her with the branded things

that's why leo risings are BIG BIG spenders.

and also why they have BIG generous hearts <333 they're very self-less people, like if you both want something they'd let you have it first.

she (♌︎ asc) and i (♓︎ asc) were also roommates and her room is always bright while mine's always dark.

even the room placements – her room would have more sunlight through her windows than mine (we didn't choose the rooms).

another pisces rising i know also tend to have dim bed lights in their room.

i have a virgo rising friend and at first i'm like ??? cuz she doesn't look like one (mostly appearance – she does have the mercurian nervousness). then i saw she's a leo rising in sidereal and finally 🧩puzzles are solved🧩 she has rectangular head shape and veryy thick bouncy hair.

˴ ✦ THE ASC GUESSING CORNER !!

my guesses on their rising signs are entirely based on how i felt about their vibes and appearance :) little to no analysis. i cannot guarantee accuracy at all lol anyways give it a guess if you want !!

① sulli – pisces rising

looked soft 24/7, probably could be because her pisces stellium too (mercury, mars, saturn in pisces). if she's a pisces rising then the stellium would be in her first house! shows how direct she was, how she wasn't afraid to voice her opinions, and especially how she expressed her personality/color in a creative pisces way. anyhow, very talented and creative, with a smile that makes me go soft everytime :"<

② lee yumi – pisces rising (and maybe aquarius)

our lovely player 240 in squid game, yes she reminds me of sulli, ethereal vibes, soft, gives you a "wanna protecc" her kinda feels, alien-ish as well. i think she could be a tropical pisces rising and a vedic aquarius rising. it's also bc the way she smiled in this ig video – lowkey reminded me of someone i know who smiles like that in videos + have those placements above. but the way she smiled in the photo up there also reminds me of someone else i know lollolo and fun fact she has the same birthday with another friend of mine. omg she reminds me of so many people – now i'm even more convinced (the aquarius rising thing and how they're mistaken for a lot of people – @jojoangelley's observation).

③ lee jungjae – cancer rising

mr. gihun player 456 ! first of all, the forehead staring thing 💀 and the big eyes. tho they are a bit droopy/down-turned they're still BIG. his overall vibe is warm & nurturing. and when he smiled omg it feels so wholesome and heartwarming sosbj could be a little bit influenced by his character in squid game but that's just how i felt when i saw him.

④ leighton meester - cancer rising

veryyy BIGG EYES. and then i stare at her forehead quite a lot (i'm sorry idk what's with me and the staring at people's forehead thing but many of them do turn out to be cancer risings XDDD) her blair waldorf role in gossip girl is a toxic mean character lowk obsessive BUT im soft for her ndksn she's like a cinnamon bun 🥺 instant liking w her since the beginning (which happens to me when i meet cancer risings)

⑤ jung jaewon - cancer rising

hehe i already mentioned him in the previous astro observation but gonna do it again cuz now i'm more certain with my guess 😈 BIG ROUND eyes again and he has this thing where he emphasizes his eyes during interviews – when he listens to the questions his eyes kinda widens a little, generally many eye movements – which actually looks kinda nervous (air sign thingy) AND it made me think of the possibility of having a tropical cancer rising and a vedic gemini rising ;) not sure tho! just maybe. and i also remember reading somewhere that the sun shows appearance more? so at first i thought his wide forehead was because of his aries sun but now that i know cancer risings' foreheads...

tiny fact :: jaewon and sulli were born on the same day, month, and year! only different cities & time.

that's all for this time's observations! i hope you enjoyed it and reblogs are 10000000% appreaciated (о´∀`о) feel free to comment down your thoughts <3

remember :: this are just personal observations, might not be accurate + other aspects or placements from the rest of the chart can affect it differently ^^

➤ visit previous astro notes ›› masterlist for more!

© 2021 umepnnn — all rights reserved. do not plagiarize, steal or repost.