#kevin day is the best boy to ever exist

[mdoesitmatter]

my favourite part about Jean and Andrew is that when they both realised that they had caught a crush

— they were so pissed about it.

[juyeonszn]

BAD IDEA RIGHT?

PAIRING lee juyeon x f!reader

WORD COUNT 4.10k

GENRES … smut

WARNINGS 18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, literally porn with plot. like i’m so insane, enemies to “we fuckin” as reese put it 🥰, frat boy tbz again!!!, juyo is literally so irritating in the first half im not even gonna lie, he’s also a manwhore, making out, reader is a bit of a brat, juyeon has a dirty mouth, kinda dom!juyeon, vaginal fingering, oral (m! receiving), SHOWER SEX !12!1!, he’s hitting it from the back btw, unprotected sex, creampie, juyeon is actually… i don’t even know how to describe him writing his character made me want to claw at the walls lol

SUMMARY deep down you’re fully aware that you’re probably making a huge mistake by giving into juyeon just like every other girl on campus ever has. but paired with how intoxicating his mouth feels on your own and the steam filled bathroom clouding your head, you can’t seem to find a logical reason to stop.

MORE heheheh im back 🤭 oh my god this was actually the cause of a week full of sleepless nights. i genuinely drove myself crazy writing this bc NEED FRRRR like idk i’m so 😭 delusional. ANYWAYS. ANON. THIS ONE IS FOR U. U REQUESTED THIS AND I RAN WITH IT. u wanted more juyeon, i deliver more juyeon ;) also shout out to ally, moni, AND reese for beta’ing 🥺 i love u my cupcakes!! prompt used: 18 <3

PERM TAGLIST @winterchimez @maessseongs @itsbeeble

If there was anyone on Earth that you hated more than anything, it had to be Lee Juyeon.

To put things plainly, he was quite literally the bane of your existence. Being around him made your blood pressure skyrocket and gave you migraines that lasted for days. It was insane how one person could affect you so much by doing so little. It seemed as if he thrived off of getting under your skin.

Considering he was the captain and the pitcher of the baseball team, it wasn’t shocking. He was also a member of one of the most popular fraternities on campus. But he happened to be roommates with one of your best friends, and that made it ten times worse.

You’d known Changmin since third grade, along with Kevin and Chanhee. When he mentioned he’d be joining a fraternity in college, you were a bit apprehensive. All you knew about them was what you’d read in YA books and seen in movies. Neither gave them a good rep. Part of you wanted to talk him out of it, but you knew this was something you had to let him do, given you were adults and it was his college experience. At least you still had the other two under one roof.

The first time you met Juyeon was also the first time you attended a frat party. Changmin had just passed his initiation after waiting a year and he invited all of you to celebrate. You were excited for the most part since high school parties were more for an adrenaline rush due to the fact that your parents never let you go to them and you either snuck out or lied about going. You didn’t have to worry about the limitations of parents this go around.

The boys disappeared almost immediately upon arrival, leaving you to fend for yourself in the very crowded fraternity house. You could hardly pass through a room without bumping into somebody’s shoulder or elbow, huffing as you maneuver around the house equivalent to a sardine can. Your drink nearly spilled onto your top multiple times and you were glad you decided against the heels for the night.

You chugged the rest of the jungle juice in your cup as you stepped onto the patio, where it’s just as noisy and just as packed. You’re lucky enough to find an empty lounge chair near the house’s pool, unoccupied and calling your name. When your legs touch the plastic chair, you flinch at how hot it is, most likely from being in the sun all day.

“Woah, do you want a cushion?”

You look up at the source of the voice. You’ve seen him around campus before, and even at Changmin’s games. Lee Juyeon was just one of those people that you had to know, unless you’d been living under a rock. Just like everyone else in the world, you couldn’t deny how attractive he was. From this distance, you truly understood why girls would giggle like high schoolers over the guy.

“Uh, sure. Yeah, that would be great actually.” You nod, watching as he wanders towards the shed in the corner of the big ass backyard. He returns promptly, holding his red solo cup between his teeth and one hand on your lower back guiding you to a standing position so he could place down the cushion.

“As a thank you, can I get your name?” He gives you a cocky little smile that should’ve been a warning. And looking back on it, you should’ve seen his true personality sooner, to be completely honest. The way his lips curled at the corners, like a conniving bastard who got off on irritating others.

“It’s Y/N,” you say, messing with your empty cup. “I’d ask for yours, but I kinda already know.”

He laughs at that, scratching the back of his neck. “That’s not surprising.” It’s at this point that you’re starting to see through his sweet facade, but despite knowing better— despite always keeping your guard up— you let yourself fall for it just this once. All because you didn’t want to fuck things up for Changmin. He owed you big time.

“Well, you are a talented athlete.” You didn’t want to fuel what is probably already a massive ego, but you’d rather compliment his baseball skills than the fact that he was infamous for screwing around with half of the girls on campus. Technically, that was a feat of its own since he’d only been in school for a year.

“Oh, so you think I’m talented?” He rested a hand on your chair, leaning down to your level. Confidence oozed from every corner of his being and if you weren’t so self aware, perhaps you could’ve ended up like all those other victims of his charismatic behavior.

“I go to the games for Changmin,” you scoff, glancing away from his face to stop the heat rising up your neck. “I’ve only paid attention to you once or twice.”

“Yeah, sure. Let's go with that,” he bites his lip, blatantly checking you out. “I wouldn’t mind paying attention to you a little.”

“I’m unimpressed, Juyeon,” you snort, raising an eyebrow at him. “Does this shit really work on everyone?”

“I can drop the act if you want, baby. Just let me know when you’re ready to stop playing hard to get.” He stands upright, running a hand through his hair.

Every time you ran into Lee Juyeon after that, he was more and more insufferable. He knew his influence on you, too, if his smug fucking grin was anything to go by. You wish you could just slap it off of him. However, you stood by being the bigger person in any given situation, so that was off the table. (And half of you still felt a moral obligation to not get your friend into hot water.)

“Would it kill you to play nice every once in a while? I do live with the dude, you know.” Changmin whines, trailing you in the supermarket like a lost puppy.

“He’s got a point, N/N,” Kevin adds, humming as he tosses a boxed dinner into the cart. “I get that he’s a little bit of an overconfident douche, but rolling your eyes at him when he hasn’t even done anything just makes it worse on you. And JiChang, too, I guess.”

“Bro…”

You weren’t even sure why he decided to tag along with you and the other boys when you mentioned grocery shopping. In fact, he might as well have stayed his ass home if he was just going to gang up on you the whole time. Chanhee sighs dramatically, bringing your shopping cart to a halt.

“Can we not have a peaceful grocery trip? Is that impossible or something?” His lips form a thin line. “I swear, all we do is talk about how much Y/N hates Lee Juyeon. Can we please move on?”

“Thank you, Chanhee, I agree,” you nod along, walking backwards as you do so and ignoring the faces your friends make. “He makes me want to kill myself.”

“Who makes you want to kill yourself?”

You jump up, frightened by the sudden voice in your ear. Your friends all give you sheepish smiles, as if they’d already tried to warn you. (What shitty jobs they did.) With a hand over your heart, you turn around to meet— speak of the devil— none other than Lee Juyeon himself.

“What are you doing here?” Your eyes narrow and your arms cross over your chest. Luck could never be on your side when it came to this guy.

“Uh, last I checked, this was a public supermarket. Where I can publicly shop. I wasn’t aware that I had to run that by you. So sorry, sweetheart.” He pouts, his expression so theatrical you nearly give in to your constant urge to punch him in the face.

You feel your eye twitch, and it takes everything in you to step back and assess just how bad it would be if you committed murder right now. Changmin comes to your rescue, doing damage control as best as he can while Kevin attempts to talk you out of becoming a criminal.

The two frat brothers do their little fraternity handshake thing and then finally he’s out of sight, out of mind, allowing you to visibly relax. Chanhee purses his lips. “Okay, so maybe I do see where the anger comes from. And holy shit, Y/N, you have the patience of a saint.”

“The person you have called is unavailable! At the tone, please leave a message. When you have finished recording, you may—”

“Goddammit.” You curse, ending the unsuccessful call.

The downside of working far from campus, was working far from campus. You didn’t have your own car and usually relied on one of your roommates for a ride to and from. But now here you are, stranded at work while it’s pouring cats and dogs outside. Kevin was in class and Chanhee wasn’t picking up his phone. You could call Changmin, but you’re pretty sure he also had a class around this time.

Just as you’re about to succumb to your demise, you receive a text from Chanhee.

[2:57 pm] michael jackson: IM SO SORRY AJNSSJNW BUT SOMETHING CAME UP WITH A GROUP PROJECT

[2:57 pm] michael jackson: DONT WORRY THOUGH, IVE GOT IT COVERED UR STILL GETTING PICKED UP

“Could today get any worse?” You mutter to yourself, locking your phone and tossing it into your purse. As if your timing couldn’t be better, you spoke entirely too soon. Your eyes squint at the unfamiliar car rolling up under the carport. Your brows furrowed in confusion, because you had no idea who could be your saving grace. Chanhee was a wild card so who knew who he had on speed dial.

But then the passenger window rolls down and you wish the ground would just swallow you whole. Lee Juyeon grins that stupid fucking grin of his, beckoning you to his car as it unlocks when he shifts into park. You shake your head.

“No way. There is absolutely no way I am getting into that car.” You shout over the pelting rain.

Juyeon tsks, his eyes rolling when he reaches over the center console to open the door for you. “Is there anyone else who would drop everything they’re doing to pick you up in this weather?”

Your lips pull into a flat line. The answer was no, you didn’t have anyone else who would drop everything they were doing to pick you up in this weather. That was the reason Juyeon was here, you supposed. It didn’t mean you weren’t at least going down without a fight, though. Except, Lee Juyeon was a man who was all too comfortable with how expressive you were. Most notably towards him.

“What? Cat got your tongue, sweetheart?”

“Fuck you. I’d rather walk.” You seethe, starting straight in the direction of your apartment. Juyeon groans at first, your constant need to prove yourself getting on his nerves for once. Then his eyes widen slightly when he realizes you’re not joking.

The truth was that the rain was freezing and you’d love to be in the shelter of a warm car. In fact, you didn’t really care that Juyeon was the person driving. But you were too deep into the bit now. You couldn’t just turn around and get in the car, for you had a pride to protect at this point.

“Shit.” Juyeon swears under his breath, reaching into the backseat to grab an umbrella. Sure he loved to tease you and rile you up, but he wasn’t cruel. Your friends would have his head on a silver platter if he let anything happen to you.

You pause in your steps when you’re no longer being showered in rain water. Juyeon holds the umbrella over your head with a worried expression. You feel kind of bad for making him chase after you even though he’d already gone out of his way to pick you up. Sometimes you wish your ego wasn’t so fragile. Maybe then you could accept help when you needed it instead of making things worse.

“Can you please stop being so stubborn and just get in the damn car, Y/N? Do you have to make everything difficult all the time?” Usually, pissing you off made him over the moon, but you can tell he’s not exactly pleased at the moment. You swallow thickly, nodding quietly and following him back to his car.

The whole drive to your apartment is silent save for the song playing on his speakers. It’s not as loud in comparison to the storm outside, but you’re grateful that it’s filling the space between you. If only Lee Juyeon hadn’t done such an excellent job ticking you off like a bomb, then maybe you would’ve just hopped in the passenger seat with ease. But no, he had to goad you until you made an irrational decision and now here you are.

As he pulls up to your building, you say a little prayer that you don’t regret your next actions. He stops as close to the stairs as he can, but you turn to him before unbuckling your seatbelt. With a deep breath, you ask, “Would you like to— uh— come inside?”

He glances from you to the stairs and then shrugs, parking in the nearest empty spot. He holds the umbrella over both of you as you make your way to your unit, lightly sprinting so you don’t get anymore soaked than you already are. You figured the least you could do was invite the dude into your home and offer him some hot tea, just so he could warm up before heading back to the TBZ house. Your roommates not being here to make fun of you was also a plus.

There’s still an unspoken tension even after you’ve shed your raincoats and shoes by the front door, settling into your apartment and its coziness. Juyeon sits at the breakfast bar as you busy yourself with preparing the kettle and getting a couple tea bags. His watchful gaze is a little intimidating now that you’ve seen his serious side.

Once you’ve finished making the tea, you set his mug in front of him. You look everywhere but him when you say, “I’m gonna take a shower if you’re okay waiting out here by yourself.” He doesn’t respond verbally, so you take it as your cue to leave.

You turn on the water to let it heat up before gathering your essentials. When you’ve completed your back and forth trip from the bathroom and your bedroom, you’re finally ready to just relax in your shower and forget about today’s events. But how could you ever truly relax with Lee Juyeon in your space, permeating your peace?

As you’re shutting the bathroom door, a foot jams itself between the threshold and stops you. You glance up from the floor to meet Juyeon’s eyes. They’re darker than you’re used to, a deep shade of brown that has your stomach twisting into knots.

“You know, Y/N, this game of cat and mouse is starting to get old,” he takes a step into the steaming room, locking the door behind him and trapping you. “Just admit to yourself that you want me.”

You sputter at his bold words, because you don’t. You don’t want Lee Juyeon. Why would you want Lee Juyeon? “I’m not gonna lie to myself. I don’t want you.”

He laughs humorlessly, closing the gap between you just a little more. You don’t have it in you to back away from him. He reaches a hand up to tuck some damp hair behind your ear. You’re still wet and cold from your stupid idea to walk in the rain, but Juyeon plans to warm you up perfectly. “You sure?”

“Positive,” you breathe.

“Why don’t we test that theory?” Now he’s got you backed into the wall, his face a hair’s breadth distance from your own. “I have a feeling I can change your mind.”

You don’t know if it’s the heat of the bathroom or Juyeon’s lips being so close, but so far simultaneously that has your brain turning into static. Your head feels fuzzy, like you’re watching TV on an empty channel through a blurry lens. You lick your lips, vision trained on his. “Why don’t we?”

That’s all the confirmation he needs to press your mouths together in a searing kiss, hotter than the temperature of the room. You feel him smile against you when you make no move to push him away, instead carding your fingers through his hair. He groans when you tug a bit, twirling the longer strands around your index.

His hands slip under your top, thumbs rubbing circles into your waist. This is a terrible idea. Deep down you’re fully aware that you’re probably making a huge mistake by giving into Juyeon just like every other girl on campus ever has. But paired with how intoxicating his mouth feels on your own and the steam filled bathroom clouding your head, you can’t seem to find a logical reason to stop.

When you part for air, you both start stripping your top layers, resuming your attacks on each other’s lips once you’re left in nothing but undergarments. Juyeon trails kisses along the side of your neck, nipping and sucking wherever he feels fit. You gasp when he finds that particular spot that contributes to the butterflies fluttering about your stomach. “God, you’re so annoying.”

“Yeah?” And despite getting ready to give you the pleasure of your life, his grin against your skin still manages to irritate you. “You hate me so much, huh?”

“Mhm,” you whine as his fingers dip beneath the band of your panties, toying with your sensitive cunt. “Hate you so bad— ah…”

“You might wanna shut up soon, sweetheart,” Juyeon warns, sliding his ring finger between your lower lips. “Or else I’ll give that mouth something to do.”

“I’ll do whatever I want,” you pull his hand from your underwear, kneeling in front of him when he furrows his eyebrows in confusion. Your nails scrape lightly down his abdomen before hooking into the waistband of his briefs, freeing him from the material. It takes a lot out of you to not visibly react at the sight of his cock, hard and flushed to the tip. You couldn’t dare inflate his ginormous ego, the situation you were currently in already doing enough on its own. His size is impressive too, making you wonder just how he expects you to take him like a champ.

“What a fucking brat,” he hisses, your tongue swiping along the underside of his dick. “Always gotta have the last word, don’t you?”

“Mmmm,” you moan, mouth full with just the tip. You’d never been the type of person who cared about size. As long as they knew what they were doing and made you finish, you held no qualms with their length. In fact, you don’t think you ever even paid much attention to anyone’s dick in your life. But if there was anything to back Lee Juyeon’s cockiness, it had to be, well, his cock.

“You have no idea how many times I’ve imagined this moment,” he confesses, wrapping your hair around his hand into a makeshift ponytail. “But, fuck, this is so much better.”

The admission shoots straight to your core and you find yourself whimpering, the vibrations against his dick driving him crazy. He has to support his weight with one hand flat to the wall, the other still tightly fisting your hair. With every suck and flick of your tongue, he tugs a little more, the sting on your scalp providing you with more pleasure than pain. You pull off of him to take a breath, jerking him off as you do so.

“Am I meeting your expectations?” You bat your eyelashes up at him, drool sliding down your chin and makeup smeared under your eyes in tear streaks. He groans at the sight of you, forcing you to a standing position so he could kiss you again.

You start dragging him towards the shower, unhooking your bra and stepping out of your panties. He raises an eyebrow at you, amused. “You want me to fuck you in the shower, baby? Have you slipping all over my cock?”

“Duh,” you can’t help but roll your eyes at his question, practically pawing at his underwear to get him out of them fully. “Did you think I sucked your dick on the bathroom floor for fun?”

“That mouth of yours is gonna get you in trouble one of these days.”

He kicks them off, reconnecting your lips as you step into the shower. The hot water hits your back almost like a massage, synchronously getting in your mouth as you make out with Juyeon aggressively. It’s like he can’t get enough of you, big hands kneading and groping everywhere and nowhere all at once. You feel insane, especially with how good of a kisser he is. It’s like you’re on cloud nine and nothing’s capable of bringing you down.

When he’s finally lost his patience, he spins you around, pressing you cheek first to the shower wall. You feel him against your lower back, his lips leveling with your ear. In spite of acting as if he had himself under control, you can hear the pant in his breathing, deep voice a little desperate than usual. He has a hand gripping your thigh and picking up your leg.

“No protection?” He asks, his cock already gliding between your folds in anticipation.

“Mm-mm,” you shake your head as best you can with his body sandwiching you to the tiled surface. “Wanna feel you raw.”

“Fuck, you can’t say shit like that to me,” Juyeon groans into your ear, giving no warning as he spits down your front and hikes your leg higher, thrusting into your cunt. “You’ll make me wanna stay buried in you forever.”

You moan, hand coming up to hold the side of his head as he fucks you into the shower wall. If someone were to ask about this very moment, you weren’t too sure how you’d defend yourself. A moment of weakness, perhaps? But if a moment of weakness felt this fucking good every time, you might fall into a habit of judgment lapses.

He nuzzles his face in the crook of your neck, nibbling and biting your shoulder and the surrounding area with each snap of his hips. The angle he drives into you at has stars forming at the back of your vision, the tip of his cock brushing that one spot deep inside of you whenever he thrusts up. You don’t even think his entire dick is in you as he does this, but you also don’t really have the mind to care, way too focused on memorizing the veins of his shaft with your walls.

You’re far too gone to consider the consequences of your actions, the horizon of your release just beyond your fingertips now. You’d never needed someone so viscerally before, so carnally. Yet here you were, sucking Lee Juyeon’s cock in with your pussy like you were a damn vacuum. The sounds you’re making bounce back and forth on the walls, no doubt louder than the shower water itself.

“I— I-I’m so— fuck,” you mewl, words wobbling. “I’m so, so close, Juyo.”

“Yeah, baby?” He sighs in your ear, nudging your sensitive clit with his thumb while raising your leg as much as he physically can. “Me too, where do you want me?”

“Inside,” you don’t think you even make sense anymore, babbling as he continues to fuck you stupid. “Please. Want you to cum inside me.”

Juyeon grits his teeth, pleased with himself that he didn’t orgasm right then and there. He uses his last ounce of strength to get the two of you off together. “C’mon, sweetheart, cum for me.”

The fogginess subsides pretty quickly after you’ve finished, your brain registering what just happened almost instantaneously. If you weren’t so hypersensitive, you would’ve pulled him out yourself and scrambled to flee the scene. (And maybe even the country.) There are many more rational thoughts running through your head now. The entire trajectory of your life has just been changed, whether you realized it or not. But the biggest issue was:

What the hell do you do now?

© juyeonszn. do not steal, claim, or repost.

[tzyuki]

[이주연] LOST IN TRANSLATION ꒰ L.JY x F!READER

IN WHICH ✶ — Everyone thought that after LOVLUSION’s disbandment Suzuki Y/n would have returned back to Japan and debut there but the public was shocked at her disappearance. They were even more shocked to hear that two years later she’d be joining a new subunit of group ETERNAL under SOS (sea of stars) ENT. The public was lost for words at how she was able to rebrand herself in those two years, debuting with a sharp and cold look rather than her cute and angelic look back then in LOVLUSION.

THE BOYZ IN DA HOUSE 🥶 | profile two.

• THE BOYZ is a South Korean boy band formed and managed by IST Entertainment. The group debuted on December 6, 2017, with the lead single “Boy” from their debut EP The First.

﹙★﹚DESCRIPTIONS…

lee juyeon ; has had an interest in y/n ever since he seen her trip on the carpet of the company building. They had trained for a little while together before Juyeon was preparing for his debut. After that the two rarely saw each other. The last time the two had an actual conversation for more than a minute face to face was the day Y/n was set to leave for GIRLVERSE filming.

lee sangyeon ; literally the father of everyone. thinks juyeon is as delulu as jake stan’s, juyeon will cry if he doesn’t get a daily y/n photo and sangyeon is the one he goes too about it.

bae jacob ; thee biggest luvlusion stan. he was there since the girlverse days 🤞🏽. yelled uncontrollably when he found out lovlusions disbandment was announced.

kim younghoon ; best friends w/ tu and prim from eternal youth, they r thee acting trio. he was so devastated when they left korea to go film in thailand for a couple months.

lee jaehyun (hyunjae) ; bffs with y/n, experiences all her delulu stages with her. fully believes in taehyun birthing y/n since the two resemble each other.

moon kevin ; shaking ass is his personality, him and y/n shake ass to beyoncé and nct songs. if you start playing firetruck by nct 127 at night in the mirror y/n and kevin will appear behind you twerking.

choi chanhee (new) ; hes still wondering when chanel will make him an ambassador. he reps chanel everywhere, everyday, and every-night.

ji changmin (q) ; the cutest ever. he could fit in someone’s pocket if he really really really wanted to try. he adores y/n and misses when the two would have late night talks in the practice room.

ju haknyeon ; thinks everyone is mother. jokes about how SOS ENT finds the most talented and gorgeous people ever. will go to all lengths to defend his fav girl tu tontawan 🫡.

kim sunwoo ; doesn’t know how he lives another day everytime haknyeon fanboys over tu. litersly the worst menace to exist. will never and won’t ever stop clowing y/n about her predebut side quests.

sohn eric ; the sweetest and energetic boy you’ll ever meet. constantly reminds everyone he loves them!

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taglist (open) 𓏸 ͘ ࣭⸰ @yujuyioh @jangwonie @cwsana @luvyrin @amara-mars @ineedaherosavemeenow @mintydayeon @love-4-keum @kpopx-xlover @abdiitcryy @beepjeongie @ox1-lovesick @ja4hyvn @shinsou-rii @winkura @astrae4 @ilovewonyo @hafsa-hoofsa-heefs @nyujjan @garbageandhot @ifearjwn @seesaweun @wtfhyuck @rreynca @luveuly @tnyhees @lcv3lies

[saturnaftertaste]

the consensus seems to be that gay sex would not fix either of them (hiram or archie). would anything?

look it depends on who they’re having gay sex with. i think if archie had gay sex (was gay en géneral) with jughead, i think that would’ve fixed him. archie is fundamentally a representation of ideal american masculinity (white, “straight”, strong+hot) with the added on characteristic of being a Good Guy. it tracks that archie’s prime directive is To Protect. protect who? his father, his mother, his girlfriend, his friends, gay kevin, etc. 90% of the story is moved by the fact that archie wants to protect people. hell, even the thing with grundy is in the ballpark of “protect/save/rescue” because she had an abusive husband (?) (i don’t remember). mostly, each season has archie’s rescue+protect instinct running through it all times. considering all of this, it makes sense that archie usually has a girl on his arm - someone that he can “protect” (not in the way that reddit incels fantasize about putting a woman in a saw trap so they can save her, but in a genuine, sort of expressing-his-affection kind of way.)

unfortunately betty and ronnie are both pretty independent women, as are josie, valerie, tabitha and most of the other women archie encounters. which means whenever archie is in a relationship with one of these women, he’s fundamentally standing on the side unable to really do anything. it’s why reggie+veronica don’t work out either in the end, in line with the idea that reggie is essentially a darker mirror of archie.

but you know who ISNT an independent girlboss? jughead! from day one jughead’s story has been attached to archie - from the moment archie didn’t show up for the trip, jughead started seething and frothing at the mouth thinking about archie and girls. even then, jughead does not go on the trip. jughead does not do anything, actually, unless he is partnered with one of the other riverteens. betty in season one, toni in season 2, archie in season 3, betty&archie in season 4, etc. jughead, left to his own devices, becomes the wettest most pathetic boywaif ever known to man. he camps out in a drive-in theater projection box. he lives in a cupboard under the school stairs. he gets beat to near-death. he gets beat to near-death again. he gets buried alive, conked on the head, fake-murdered, eaten by rats? made deaf? and whatever the hell else goes on with jughead. jughead exists in a perpetual state of distress, a Someone Who Needs Saving.

arguably, this is perfect for archie. archie needs someone to love him completely without him having to change anything about himself, and there is no one more devoted to the idea of archie than jughead. jughead, on thé other hand, needs someone to stick by him unconditionally, without abandoning him for “something better”. there is, quite literally, no one who embodies man’s best friend (see when i say man i mean it; the instances of him cheating on ronnie are. well) better in the entire town. archie would provide jughead with someone to protect+serve, and jughead would provide archie with someone who loves him no matter how “bad” he gets. unstoppable force x immovable object ygm

hiram, on the other hand. gay sex in the hirarchie dynamic would not fix anything for either party, i fear. i do think hiram is aggressively “male”, the same way that archie is, but in a bad light. there is obviously the racial angle there: mark consuelos is mexican, and hiram is implied (?) to be cuban (?). obviously he contrasts archie very significantly, who is the all-american teenage boy, to hiram’s latam-immigrant-drug-dealer-cartel-leader thing. inherently the story says that all of archie’s “acts of aggression” are either for good, pure reasons, or they’re “mistakes”. hiram’s aggression on the other hand is always villainous - it’s the rules of the context riverdale is set in. (this is obviously in line with their character histories, i’m just pointing out the obvious, because the racial context does indeed matter.) “corrupting outsider” being a brown man does in fact get turned on its head in the last season when the thesis of the show is stated outright “the threat is here, at home, in wholesome, suburban america”. but still. hiram existing to follow genre conventions contrasted against archie who is following his own genre conventions is just interesting to me. point being that i think gay sex to hiram would be like the homosexuality of greek military legend or homosociality taken to the next level (i.e. women are for having children.) i think fundamentally he wishes veronica had been a son; i think that hermione and veronica (and hermosa) having a majority role in his life makes him long for the male-only spaces of the mob - in the sauna, in the private meetings, in that one scene where he brings archie into his study and shuts the doors on veronica. i think perhaps fishing-trip-esque homosexual relations for hiram might fix him, in the way that beating up people in dark alleys “fixed” his “disease” in s4, but between hirarchie it would only further sexually traumatise poor archie and severely depress hiram.

(i think also half the fun of archie, to hiram, is the fact that he cannot stop him, so he keeps having to take bigger swings at archie. if in-show he really did want to take advantage of archie for sex reasons alone, it wouldn’t have been hard considering archie was already very vulnerable. this is not to say that hiram did not use the same tactics as grundy - trust/secrecy/validation - but it was for a different outcome. hiram’s prime directive is competition - to have archie under his thumb so completely would have bored him.)

the inherent comedy of “mob boss in competition with his teenage daughter’s boyfriend” is really lost if it turns into something sexual; to me it just becomes tragic and has some really disturbing connotations vis a vis the racial context of the whole setup.

ANYWAY what i think would REALLY fix the both of them is daily affirmations and recreational wood-chopping. channel that ���masculine rage” into something productive. go chop some firewood for the murder chalet in the woods!

[evenfallwriter]

Kevin Day Appreciation Post

Okay, okay, so I realised something about Kevin Day a while back and needed to get it out. (TW; mentions of the Nest, Nest's teaching methods, Tetsuji Moriyama, Riko Moriyama, child abuse)

Kevin is not appreciated enough by the fandom or the foxes? Like, he is a fricking genius, probably the best player- no def the best exy player to ever exist.

He is beaten and his hand is broken so badly by Riko, who he saw as his brother for years and he still manages to relearn how to play with his other hand before once again picking up the racquet with his healed hand. He wins against Riko in that state- and imagine how good he must just have been before that, if he can win against Riko in that state.

He fears Tetsuji Moriyama to the point that he can't say no, if the man ever asked him to come back. Kevin fears him to that degree- he has been abused by him and Riko in the past for a such a long time that he is afraid of saying no. When Neil coms back, he says that he knows that it must have been worse for Neil, but that he can still talk to him if he ever needed to.

Kevin, who is literally allergic to human interactions tells Neil that he can always talk to him.

Kevin, who knows who Neil is, doesn't tell Andrew a thing- and when he realizes that Neil won't make it he still tells him that he will train with him every single night.

"You will be court." becomes "You should have been court." so so quickly.

Kevin, who believed in Neil before all of the others, continues to go to the court with him every single night.

Kevin contacts Jeremy, and asks him to take Jean and let him join the Trojans. he isn't scared for himself when he tells Neil that he should run, or to Jean that he should go back- no, I think that he is scared of what might end up happening to them in the long run.

I wonder, if he was ever planning on telling Coach that he was his son, because he only does when Neil makes him to do so. Just imagine, your coach (-who also happens to be your father who doesn't know that he is your father yet) sitting in front of you and literally threatening your contract. Maybe Wymack was exaggerating, maybe he was just saying things, but did Kevin know this? Is Kevin ever really gonna be able to see Wymack as his father and not his coach?

Tetsuji makes Neil kneel in front of him- did he ever make Kevin kneel? Did Kevin have a messed up mindset of how teams and their coaches were supposed to be and was so confused by the foxes and their behavior? Did he ever kneel in front of Wymack? Did he ever think that Wymack was going to hit him? Did he ever cower away from Dan?

Did he ever panic to the point of passing out after being left alone in a room for a long time because they were supposed to be in pairs, because he had thought that he had missed practice? that RIko had left him? that he had to get up but it hurt so much?

Why did he gain an alcohol addiction in the first place?

Gosh, just, my heart goes to both of the raven boys along with Neil and I can't explain how much it hurts to even think of these things.

I really hate Kayleigh Day, probably almost as much as I hate Tilda Minyard and Mary Hatford (but not as much as I hate Luther and Nathan- oh my god.)

Stephanie Walker, Randy Boyd, David Wymack, Cass Spear, Abby Winfield and Betsy Dobson- we don't need any other adults to intrude in the lives of our Foxes. (Oh, and also probably Stuart)

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk

[lightningmickqueen]

f1 drivers as underrated and/or unreleased taylor swift songs that altered my brain chemistry

george russell: "i'd lie" because listen "he tells a joke, i fake a smile" he's the least funny person ever but i'd still laugh and also i definitely lie when people ask if i love him (i do but i refuse to admit it publicly if you tell anyone i said this i will lie!!!)

lando norris: "thug story" because of the second hand embarrassment but also i wouldn't be surprised if he knew every word

yuki tsunoda: "today was a fairytale" but unfortunately today was not a fairytale!!! maybe one day he will live to fairytale again but til then he's still feeling this magic in the air though i have faith and i believe

alex albon: "crazier" because listen this is like THE slow dance rom com song from the iconic masterpiece rom com the hannah montana movie and if that doesn't describe alex albon idk what does

nico hulkenberg: "lucky you" ok i love taylor and i know she was like 12 when she wrote this but this song is mid just like hulk <3 however unlike hulk , taylor is no longer mid !!!

lewis hamilton: "superman" i don't know if i need to explain this one i think it makes sense this is just him he'll save the world or go to work it's the same thing idk

pierre gasly: "we were happy" ah a song about young love. love when you're young. love when you were friends and you were young and in love . and then it stopped . no longer friends and young and in love. i wonder why that makes me think of pierre gasly.

esteban ocon: "i heart ?" because listen . "another mess i didn't plan, and i'll bet you thought you beat me" listen!!! not only is that esteban coded but also he's definitely blasting this in his driver room at alpine to piss off his childhood best friend turned rival turned roommate turned ???? aka a certain pierre gasly

logan sargeant: "who i've always been" listen u cannot deny that logan can drive and that's what he's here to do !! the easy ride was never his ambition

oscar piastri: "welcome distraction" SOLELY for the bit where she's like "gone and spilled my coffee trying to get the phone because i thought it might be you" because that is the most oscar piastri thing ever it's so adorably awkward

max verstappen: "beautiful eyes" listen his eyes are SO pretty they're actually illegal in 197 countries if you dont see the vision go to specsavers

charles leclerc: "sweeter than fiction" aka the reason i made this post. this song is SO charles coded and you know what ? ?? ? i will be there time and again and in that perfect weather it'll be like we don't remember the rain we thought would last forever and ever and there'll he'll stand ten feet tall i will say "I KNEW IT ALL ALONG"

lance stroll: "point of view" because from his point of view he's doing GREAT the grass is really green on his side of the street or maybe that's his car. who knows who's right but he thinks he's doing great so

carlos sainz: : "love they haven't thought of yet" it's very cute and honestly very 16 year old taylor but there is something just sooooo carlos about a song about not wanting what's normal but wanting the best and a fairytale even when it doesn't and can't exist <3

zhou guanyu: "superstar" he is literally too powerful for the f1 grid this man is the most well rounded well dressed mfer there and everyone else is no one special theyre invisible

sergio perez: "stupid boy" he is SO. literally any time you expect something decent or good he does the opposite. his most consistent trait. ugh

kevin magnussen: "R-E-V-E-N-G-E" it's on his list of things to do this week he's gonna make SOMEONE feel sorry. not sure who yet but it'll happen

valtteri bottas: "matches" but it's his attitude towards mercedes also "i gave you space you took my place and gave it to her" he may be besties with lewis but he will never like george <3 that's ok tho he looks great w a mullet and he's gonna burn it down

mick schumacher: i don't want to lose his face i don't want to wake up one day and not remember what time erased and i don't want to turn around because i'm not scared of what love gave me and took away and i don't want to lose his face

sebastian vettel: "just south of knowing why" listen it's about driving all night searching for something you'll never find he's definitely done that irl and also he doesn't have a plan he doesn't have a map he doesn't even know if he's ever going back

fernando alonso: "only the young" i know you're doubting me but this is about winning and overcoming the odds and also only the young can run (from him)

[villainsblog97]

The Boyz Romance Tropes

Don't worry my lovelies! Eric is in the tropes!

Warnings: Some slight mature content and language

Scenario: Romance Trope, boyfriend, romance, comedy, fluff, angst, and everything nice

Sangyeon

(Office Romance)

How could you focus on anything when he's your boss?

How can he focus on anything when you look like that...

He's the CEO of his own company

You're the newest hire who's still learning the ropes

Everyone warned you not to get on the boss's bad side

Well you did the opposite

He is so in love with you he can't think straight

You two have secrets that stay in his office and his office alone

You know you could put your career at risk

He does too

But neither of you care

Because when you're away from each other

You both go mad

Jacob

(Friends to Lovers)

He's your best friend

That's it

Or is it

He can't exactly remember when he started falling in love with you

But he fell hard

But he was your friend

Your best friend

How could he put something like that in danger

But little did he know

You also loved him

Thanks to Kevin he brought you two together

You both felt so dumb hiding from each other

But how were you supposed to know

He was still your best friend

But now he got to call you his

And you got to call him yours

Younghoon

(Rich VS Poor)

He had everything handed to him on a silver platter

Everything but you

He met you at the local coffee shop you worked at

He asked for an americano

He knew you didn't come from any riches

But it was your kind heart that made him fall head over heels

How someone with so little

Gave so much to those in need

You told him you didn't need any jewels, cars or fancy clothes

That his love was enough

This made him want to give to others too

You changed the spoiled rich boy

All for the better

Hyunjae

(Opposites Attract)

An edgy aesthetic boy

A classy cute girl

Polar Opposites of each other

Yet you two were the cutest thing ever

He was so protective of you

Like no one touched you

Or he would get hella possessive

He tried to have a cool reserved attitude

You were a tiny ball of crack!

But honestly when you two were alone

He'd crack out with you

Singing songs at the top of your lungs in the car

Ending the night with his love all curled up in his arms

He'd have a smile on his face as he watched you dream your beautiful dreams.

Juyeon

(Best Friend's Brother)

You and your Bestie had been Friend's for a long time

You loved everything about her

Including her absolutely gorgeous older brother

He knew he couldn't have you

His sister would kill him

But you were too damn irresistible

He found it harder and harder to stay away from you

You were at the house one day

Your best friend was at the library

And there he was

Your best friend's brother in a pair of jeans and towel around his neck

God he looked delicious

You found yourself moving on your own

And you went in for a kiss

But he didn't resist

No no...

He picked you up and walked into his room

Closing the door so no one would hear him claim you as his.

Kevin

(Fake Relationship)

You had the perfect plan

He was your "boyfriend"

And you were his "girlfriend"

The plan was you two be as cute as humanly possible to make the guy you liked jealous

You two had played out everything perfectly

Except actually falling in love with each other

Maybe it was because he was dared to kiss you in a game of truth or dare

And the kiss slowly turned into a small make out session

Or maybe it was the way he acted so much like a real boyfriend

You slowly forgot about the other guy

Kevin was the only thing on your mind

Finally you two said "screw it"

And from there

There was no more pretending.

New

(Enemies to Lovers)

He couldn't stand your ass

And you couldn't stand his

You pissed him off to no end

And Chanhee is a Savage

He would throw so much shade at you

You hated him to the core of his existence

You two would remind each other on a daily basis how much you hated each other

But things changed when he saw another guy talk to you

No

You were his

He told the guy you weren't interested in him

This pissed you off

Badly

You demanded to know what his problem was

That was when he told you to shut up and kissed you

This left you shocked

But strangely

You wanted more

Q

(Soulmates)

You two were dance partners

Had been for many years

The way your bodies moved together

You two were a perfect rhythm

It took him forever to confess his feelings to you

But he couldn't hide them anymore

You two belive that fate brought you together

He was the perfect boyfriend

Cuddles on the couch

Spontaneous dancing around your kitchen

A spark everytime he kissed you

He was perfect

You couldn't believe the most sweetest, funniest and caring human being

Was all yours

Ju Haknyeon

(Holiday Romance)

You two met at a Christmas party

He was full of smiles and giggles

He was completely smitten by you

You fell in love with that beautiful smile

You two spent the entire holiday season together

Christmas shopping

Ice skating

Which he wasn't very good at

Even stole a kiss under the mistletoe

He was still nervous to ask you out

So he wrapped a necklace up in red wrapping paper and a white bow on top

With a card that read "I'd have a Holly jolly Christmas, if you'd be my girlfriend"

Of course you accepted it

What a great Christmas present

With many more holidays and years to spend together

Sunwoo

(Stuck in an Elevator)

This day was not going your way

You had a rough day at work

And now to make things worse

You and some stranger

Are stuck in an elevator together

He was so cute though

He definitely had a nervous attitude towards the whole thing

Like he was low-key freaking out

A little because he was stuck in an elevator

But with a seriously pretty girl

You two eventually started talking to each other

To pass time until they could fix the damn elevator

Eventually you crashed out on his shoulder

His heart was racing

But the sound of the repair man's voice jolted you awake

When you two got off

He got up some courage to ask you if you wanted to grab a coffee sometime

Maybe this day wasn't all that bad

Eric

(Forbidden Love)

He was the designated bad boy

Your parents hated his attitude

They would never let their precious baby girl date such a delinquent

But they didn't know about their innocent girl sneaking out after dark

Hiding away with him

Doing all the things they forbid you to do

He couldn't stay away from you

You were his addiction

The taste of you drove him nuts

God he loved you

Everything about you

He'd run away with you

He'd give up everything for you

You would as well

You only wanted him

Because he may have been a bad boy

But He was only good to you

[kariachi]

Wake up, write fic about Argit’s initial experiences outside the Null Void, somehow end up hitting on the progression of the boys’ criminal careers, heave a sigh, post.

~~

Argit was the only reason they’d survived the Null Void. Say what you would about children being born and raised in that death trap, but it made for real experts. No change in topography or ecology threw him. He could tell you exactly how much water or food you should try to grab when you had the chance, knew the odds you’d come across more at any given time. Had a feel for all the little signs a newcomer would miss that a piece of land was getting ready to do something weird. Knew the best places to hide, how to tell a stranger likely to do you harm from one who wouldn’t. By necessity he had mastered telling good water from bad, hunting any small critter he could, determining what plants were worth foraging and what weren’t. The dimension and his family’s neglect had made for harsh, but very effective, teachers, and if by some tragedy they had been forced to stay forever? They’d have been as fine as it was possible to be.

But they didn’t, thank fuck. They’d gotten out, together, and it had been quite literally a whole new world. One Argit had been in no way adapted for.

He was always thankful for Kevin, even at their lowest points he was his first and greatest friend, but falling into life outside the Null Void had kicked that up into high gear. You would never get him to admit how long it took him to properly enter the first city they found. (Four days. Kevin would affectionately tease him about it for the rest of his life.) Everything had been enclosed, there had been so many people in such a small area, every alarm bell in his mind had screamed that it wasn’t safe, it was a trap, they were in danger. But Kevin had known better. Or at least, he’d known what parts were threats and what weren’t. He was a master at surviving in big cities, as he had assured him at every turn, and the time in the Void had given him a feel for interacting with a range of species. They’d thrown together a hidey-hole on the outskirts and he would leave Argit there, venturing into the city and coming back with information and food.

Each time he returned safe and each time he was able to talk Argit into walking a little further in. Slowly he’d convinced him that they weren’t going to immediately be ambushed, that you could tell safe areas from more dangerous ones. There was rhyme and reason in how these places were arranged and traversed, tips and tricks you could use to find your way around, easier marks than Argit had ever gotten the chance to work with before, who were more easily evaded if a theft went wrong and far less likely to kill you or leave you to die.

It was far from an easy time, but for someone who had grown up in the Null Void it still eventually began to feel like the closest thing to a paradise. Stores existed, for fuck’s sake.

Those had been a shocker on level with the first park Kevin had dragged him to. Argit had spent an unknown amount of time just wandering that little park, marveling at the amount of plants all in one place, the bright colors and sweet smell of hordes of flowers, grass soft beneath his feet, trees he’d bolted up as soon as Kevin’d confirmed they were safe. Right up until Kevin had dragged him away at speed as an officer approached. That would go on to be a theme, apparently cops got worse than throwing a load of people into a near-unlivable wasteland and refusing small children escape without proper paperwork no matter what they were bribed with, on the outside they were perfectly willing to accost you for simply existing in the space. Kevin had had many stories of getting in trouble functionally for being dirty and alone somewhere, tales that would prove to ring true as time went on.

Even in the stores, people would watch and wait for any reason to call the authorities on a pair of scruffy kids wandering around alone. Not that Argit even noticed in the first four Kevin showed him. He was too busy being enthralled by the sheer amount of stuff. Tall shelves and clear, shiny cases of things he had never even imagined in his life. Whole sections larger than any den he’d ever hidden in dedicated just to clean new clothes, tech you didn’t have to build or repair yourself. Rows and rows of books and soaps and little items that served no purpose but to make wherever you were staying look a little nicer, no purpose but to amuse and delight with their presence. There were aisles of toys the likes of which brought him pain and anger both when compared to the memories of his and his siblings’ time playing with rocks and sticks at best, while out here all of this existed. Long glass counters shielding delicate chains, engraved metal rings, and shining cut stones that found something that had lain dormant in his gut for years and yanked it into life.

A whole entire building full of food. He’d been part of a family of twenty, never seen more than enough to feed ten- and that was a rare occurrence- and there he had walked in and seen enough to feed them all for, for years surely. Kevin’d had to find him a quiet corner to sit down and wrap his mind around it all. Neither of them had had a clue what any of it was, but after the Null Void even Kevin’d felt like he was dreaming.

The stores had been the real introduction to this new reality, as they’d walked through and Kevin had explained all the things Argit hadn’t known or understood. They were his introduction to money, something that would be a main source of stress for years to come. It wasn’t really a concept in the Null Void- money required having things to buy and to sell and nobody had anything in the Null Void except law enforcement. But outside, everything from food to reliable shelter cost money. A lot of money. And soon it had become clear that the only people willing to hire on a pair of dirty, unfed, functionally illiterate, damn near completely uneducated kids? Were the same sort of people they were used to dealing with.

Lucky that theft was easier and lower stakes now, because that was their best option, whether doing it for themselves or for a cut of the profits. Not their only option, as they were at times painfully reminded, but the lowest risk. The lowest profit. A foot in the door.  A way to keep fed while they made connections, made deals, made themselves sharp. Stealing led into fencing led into ‘we can get you that’. Learn to speak the language so you can make a better deal, learn to write it so you can forge convincing documents. Figure out the cops’ tells, and what sort of people to look for when you need a safe-ish place for the night. Teach yourself to spot a mark at fifty paces in bright light. See far too much of the inside of the slave trade as you rescue your partner over and over.

Surprise your ma with just how much you’ve learned when she tries to join that ‘fun’.

Adaptability, that had always been the name of the game. Whether you were adjusting for a sudden change in gravity or a deal gone sour, hunting for your food or killing for freedom. It never really changed, not at the basest level, only got easier as you found better territories, learned new techniques, made a name for yourself. Null Void, Chubula Station, Khoros, it didn’t matter where you were, the goal was always the same. You just had to survive, by any means necessary.

And no matter what strange, wonderful, horrible, new things came up, Argit was a fucking survivor.

[gurlwords]

this january feels more despairing than usual. my childhood best friend's father just passed away from cancer. i remember when I was 5, how large and invincible he looked compared to most other humans. almost a redwood among plants. he had the biggest, most terrifying sneezes. It would make you jump and giggle in fear even across the house. and his son, kevin, just had his first child, a daughter, less than a month after his father passed. what on earth can he be feeling? how can you condense it down to measly words? joyous new life being brought into this world when your old life said goodbye too quickly? i thought these two worlds might be able to coexist together, visiting during the weekends and holidays and now that isn't even an option.

even if the broken heart is sewn back together, it still aches in pain from the damage. everything you used to think and fantasize about manifests into reality, somehow less sparkling and more dull than how you imagined. engagements, rings, weddings, children. is it depression, cynicism? and your old life.....parents grow white hair, walk a little slower. they're shorter than the last time you saw them. you look at your mother crying and realize where you got those red eyes and running nose. you can't remember the last time you had a full conversation with your brother. someone from elementary school just got married....again. your favorite teacher from middle school just passed away. your grandmother is sick and realize - this might be the last time i ever see you, ever look into your eyes and be in your presence. looking at old photos of yourself, you think "who is that? what is she thinking? is that really me?" someone recalls a memory of that time and you think "I don't remember that!"

your knees hurt and you need to take supplements and joey from accounting followed up with you again about the something or other. there's another chore after another chore after another chore. you'll work out, or join a club because because because

your face has more lines than you remember, it looks more dry. injuries take longer to heal, weight longer to lose. you thought you had more hair, but it's all over your apartment floors and hiding in your vacuum. you're worried that the amount of alcohol you're drinking is going to affect your fertility, but also there's no prospective father for your imaginary children. you join a dating site, trying to balance a reasonable level of cynicism and romance because after the last heartbreak you weren't sure if you could handle it again, but that hope hiding in your heart keeps you going.

when you walk down the street, it feels empty even though people are walking around. how can even the sky feel empty if it's so full of blue? how can our families feel so incomplete even if everyone's reunited? Pops would have loved this....do you remember when David....? when your grandmother was a little girl......but those days come to pass. what we look forward to become memories that we reminisce on, playing in the backyard until the sun sets and you warm up in the cool evening air. people come and people go. across the state, the country, across the world and across existences.

I wanted to go with you, please don't make me do this without you. I can't imagine doing this without you. i can't even fathom living life without you, i am postponing confronting that reality. we're leaning on the wall as we ice skate along. we walk in the dark, shaking legs taking a step forward as our fingers reach for something. and it becomes familiar. morning coffee, drive to work. drive home. go to the gym. maybe brunch. or a new tv show. I got a new hair cut, I laughed at something. I met a nice boy. I have a new niece. so we just keep going. because I will have so many new stories to tell you when we meet again, and god willing a bit more time to tell them.

[juhakx]

Home- Eric Sohn

Genre: Angst, Fluff, Best friends to lovers

Word Count: 7243

a/n happy birthday to the brightest star.

Inspired by. “She laughed, and if he could have bottled the sound and gotten drunk off of it every night he would have.”

They say once something becomes out of reach, that’s when you realize how badly you want it. Much to your dismay, whoever ‘they’ represented, were correct, because Eric Sohn has been your best friend for years, however, when all his attention was on another girl, feelings that you didn’t even know existed began to surface. 

“Woah, Y/N, calm down. You look like you’re about to kill her with your eyes,” Sunwoo says before taking a seat next to you, causing you to snap out of your one-sided staring match with Eric and Nari, a girl in your guys’ science class. Ever since Eric was partnered with her for a group project, he had been hanging out with her for what seemed like every second of the day. 

“If looks could kill, you’d have been dead first Sunwoo,” You mutter underneath your breath before taking a rather harsh stab at your lettuce. 

“Don’t be mad at me because you’re eating grass while looking at your boyfriend flirting with another girl.” Sunwoo quickly moves to the other side of the table preventing you from being within reach of hitting him. 

“Where’s Hak, I like him more than you,” You take a deep breath to calm down before taking a quick survey of the room to find the boy. “Oh, also, not my boyfriend!” 

Giving up on your search for your close friend Haknyeon, you go back to eating your salad. 

“So, how was the calculus test? Did Chanhee’s tutoring help?” You ask, conversing with Sunwoo. Your other friends, Changmin and Kevin, didn’t have the same lunch as you, Sunwoo, Haknyeon, and Eric, thus leaving it to be just you two at lunch. 

“Oh, I have no idea where Changmin hyung found him but that man is a math genius. I breezed through that test and finished it minutes after I got it and that’s only after four tutoring sessions with him.” 

Before you can respond, two hands cover your eyes and all you can see is black. Your first reaction is to try to pry the person’s hands off your face but you ease up as soon as a familiar voice starts talking. 

“I have a surprise!” You hear Haknyeon sing. You can’t help but laugh at his tone of voice and immediately start clapping your hands in hopes of some sort of food that was more filling than your salad. 

“How come I don’t get a surprise?” Sunwoo whines. However, he quickly changes his tone of voice to address someone else, “Oh, hey.” 

You furrow your eyebrows, wondering why Sunwoo was greeting someone else. You freeze up as soon as you hear a recognizable voice. “What’s going on?”

“Well, before I was rudely interrupted Eric, I was telling Y/N that I had a surprise for her. Keep your eyes closed, ok?” Haknyeon explains, removing his hands away from your face. You stay true to your word and keep your eyes closed even as you feel Haknyeon move away from behind you. He begins to search through his backpack and you can hear him place something in front of you. 

“So you know how you’ve been telling us about how much you wanted new headphones ever since Eric threw your other ones in my pool?” 

Your eyes immediately shoot open as you hear Eric complain about the incident being purely an accident. 

“You didn’t!” You exclaim, even though it was apparent that Haknyeon did, indeed, buy you new headphones as they were laid out right in front of you. 

“I felt bad and I remember you bought me that vinyl I really wanted even though it wasn’t a special occasion so I took my opportunity.” You get up from your previous sitting position and hug Haknyeon out of excitement. 

“Thank you so much! I’ll make sure to keep them away from Eric this time.” Still keeping one hand wrapped around Haknyeon’s neck, you turn your body to face Eric and playfully glare at him, however, he doesn’t return one. Your moment of confusion at Eric’s reaction doesn’t last long as you turn your attention back to Haknyeon as soon as he begins to talk again. 

“Now we can listen to EXO on the bus again,” He smiles down at you.

“Sounds like a deal, neighbor,” You respond, sitting back down but this time with Haknyeon by your side. 

As you finished up your salad, you failed to notice Eric’s glaring eyes at the proximity of you and Haknyeon.

-

“I’m assuming you can’t study tonight?” You ask Eric in the parking lot after school was over. Ever since the two of you became friends four years ago, every school night was spent studying at Eric’s house. It was tradition to spend Monday-Thursday at his house and Friday night at yours because it was further away, however, due to his recently assigned group project, he spent every evening at Nari’s. 

Eric, who was too immersed in texting someone, completely ignored the words that came out of your mouth. You crossed your arms across your body before frowning at the boy in front of you. When a few seconds went by and Eric continued to type, you clicked your tongue and took his silence as a sign to leave. 

“Hak’s waiting for me at the bus,” You mumble, turning on your heel and beginning to walk away. 

“Woah, woah,” You hear Eric say from behind you before grabbing your wrist, causing you to turn around and face him. “Nari can’t meet today so I can study.” 

Your hands squeeze into fists at the frustration you felt but you quickly unclench them, taking a deep breath. “Well, it would’ve been nice if you- oh I don’t know- verbally tell me so I don’t miss the bus!”

Eric scoffs at your tiny outburst before letting go of your wrist and making his way towards the exit. 

Your mind reels at Eric’s infuriating actions as you watch him continue to walk. You knew you were supposed to walk with him, but due to your irritation, you keep your eye on the boy as you walk a few feet behind him. 

Although you were supposed to be annoyed at Eric, you can’t help but admire him as he walks through the parking lot. Many people waved, some even stopped to say ‘bye’ as they got into their cars. Eric was popular among all grades, there was nothing to not like about him. He was the star baseball player, making varsity his first year of high school, something incredibly rare for someone his age. He was also kind to his teachers and did well in school while also helping others. He was everyone’s dream guy, so it was no shock that half your grade had a crush on him. It was also no shock that you did too, however, you curse yourself for not figuring it out earlier. 

You snap out of your thoughts when you notice that Eric had stopped walking. 

“Are you going to continue to trail behind me like a lost puppy or..” He trails off, turning his head to look at you. You were minutes away from his house, and although you wanted to continue to hold a playful grudge against Eric, you knew you couldn’t. 

“I refuse to be anybody’s bitch,” You raise your chin at Eric before looking to your side and sauntering past him. Your mouth curved into a smile as you hear his footsteps behind you.

“Oh yeah?” You turn your head to see what Eric had planned but not even seconds later, you see the blonde-haired boy begin to run towards you, “Last one to my house is the other’s bitch for a whole week!” He shouts. 

You shriek and begin to run as well, however, you both knew who was going to win this one. 

Though you knew Eric could run faster, he stays only two feet or so in front of you, claiming his victory much later than he could have. As soon as he touches the handle of the front door, you stop on his drive-through and place your hands on your knees, breathing heavily. Eric begins to laugh as soon as he sees you, and even though you lost, you smile to yourself. You swore that if you could have bottled the sound of his laugh up, you would have gotten drunk off it every night. 

Eric continues to laugh, causing you to roll your eyes and walk up Eric’s drive-through to catch up to him. After greeting Eric’s mom, you climb up the stairs behind Eric, still slightly panting.

“You know,” You start, plopping onto the beanbag he kept in the corner of his room and unzipping your backpack, “Technically your dad is the last one who’s gonna enter the house so how are you going to break the news to him that he has to be your bitch for the week?”

As you dig through your backpack, you don’t notice Eric picking up an eraser from his desk and chucking it towards you.

“What the hell!” You exclaim, rubbing your forehead to ease the slight pain you felt from the attack. Eric just merely chuckles before laying down on his bed. 

“Do you not have homework? Friday is when we present our group projects for Bio.” Eric picks up the baseball that was lying on the ground next to his bed and begins to throw it up in the air, catching it. 

“Nari and I are finishing it up tomorrow during lunch. Have you finished yours yet? Wait,” Eric holds the baseball in his hand instead of throwing it back into the air, “Who’s your partner again?” 

You shook your head, not believing how short term Eric’s memory was. “Don’t you remember? It’s literally Haknyeon, but we finished it like three days ago because we worked on it till one in the morning for like six nights straight. But I have to finish these two Literature cross-novel worksheets.” You explain, flipping through your folder to find the two worksheets that needed to be completed.

“One in the morning?” Eric exclaims, shooting up from his previous position and sitting up to look at you. Due to his odd behavior, you scrunch up your nose and tilt your head. 

“Yeah, why are you so shocked? The two of us have stayed later at his house before. I think you’re forgetting the time his parents were out of town and you got so drunk that you puked in the hot tub at like three,” You begin to laugh at the memory but Eric just glares back at you. He never liked to talk about that night but it was a memory ingrained in your brain forever. 

Eric massaged the back of his neck as he huffed. “How did your mom let you stay at a boy’s house so late?” 

“Eric, I think you’re also forgetting that Haknyeon is my neighbor and that my mom literally loves him more than she loves me,” You scoff and begin to work on the first worksheet, analyzing the two different passages from the novels. 

Eric stayed silent for quite some time, thinking.

 “Does your mom like me or Haknyeon more?” He suddenly asks.

Even though you knew your mom loved both of the boys equally, the look on Eric’s face was hopeful in that you would say his name and teasing him was your specialty. 

“Obviously Haknyeon,” Eric’s face immediately fell but as soon as you continued your sentence, he realized that you were just joking. “I mean have you met Haknyeon, he’s courteous and nice and he also didn’t dunk my headphones in the pool.”

“Yah! How many times do I have to apologize? I would’ve bought you new headphones but it’s not fair because Haknyeon works at the horse stables on the weekends but I can’t work anywhere because of baseball!” Eric exhales. 

“I’m just kidding, Eric. About the headphones, not my mom,” You chuckle, highlighting something important on your sheet. Once again, the room goes silent for a few moments. You focus your attention back on your worksheet before you’re interrupted again. Out of the corner of your eye, you notice Eric getting off his bed. Before you can stop him, he quickly snatches your phone that resided beside you. 

“Hey! What are you doing?” You mentally curse yourself for ever giving Eric your phone password as you watch him type it in. You spring up from the beanbag and try grabbing over Eric’s torso to obtain your phone that he was holding away from you. 

“I’m texting your mom and asking her if she likes me better!” Eric lets out a laugh at his own actions and you can’t help but laugh along, still trying to reach your phone. 

Amidst the chaos of Eric attempting to text your mom, you feel yourself slowly begin to lose balance so you place one of your hands on Eric’s stomach to stabilize yourself again. His shirt begins to ride up in an attempt to keep the phone as far away from you as possible and as if you were stung by a bee, you quickly remove your hand off of him as soon as you feel his skin under your hand. You feel your face begin to heat up and although he was focused on your phone, you retracted yourself away from Eric in fear he would see your blushing face. 

“And, there,” Eric turns back around with a smug look on his face before handing you your phone back. “You better tell me what she responds with.”

You pray Eric didn’t notice the red on your cheeks as you divert your attention back to your homework. Even as you wrote, your hand felt like it was burning from where your hand touched Eric, and although you knew why, Eric couldn’t quite figure out why his skin felt the same way as soon as your skin met his. 

-

“You’re eating lunch by yourself?” Haknyeon questions, placing his lunch right across from you and sitting down. 

You pout, looking up at the guy who was now sitting in front of you. “Well, you see, the championship game is next week so Sunwoo skipped lunch to go practice and Eric is working on his project with stupid Nari because it’s due tomorrow and well, you’re here now so I guess I’m not eating by myself.”

Haknyeon stifles a laugh at your explanation while opening his milk carton. “Speaking of stupid Nari, what’s going on between you and Eric,” He asks. 

Your nose scrunches up in disgust at someone else saying her name aloud and although you didn’t doubt the fact that she was a nice girl, all niceties flew out the window as soon as you found out you had a crush on Eric. 

You let go of the spoon that was in your hand and place it upon his. “My dear, dear, Haknyeon, some things are better left unsaid.” 

Much to your dismay, Haknyeon grabs your hand and holds it in his. With a mocking look on his face, he sways the clasped hands side to side before saying, “And my dear, dear, Y/N, it is so blatantly obvious that you have a big, fat, juicy crush on Eric Sohn.” 

Ripping your hand away from Haknyeon’s grasp, you lift yourself off your seat to lightly push the boy which only results in him laughing at your reaction. You can’t help but laugh as well because if anyone knew you better than Eric or your family, it was Haknyeon. He had been your neighbor for years so you weren’t particularly shocked that he knew how you felt. It wasn’t like you were trying to hide it, anyway. 

“You’re so unbearable,” You sigh, before taking a leftover fry from your tray and chucking it at Haknyeon. 

“You love me.”

You narrowed your eyes at the boy sitting across from you before focusing back on your strawberry yogurt. You decided that stuffing your face with as much yogurt as you could would be a much better idea than explaining your feelings for Eric to Haknyeon. 

“I’m all for it, you two would be cute together. I mean, he knows you better than you know yourself,” Haknyeon explains, taking a bite of his burger that was much too big for his mouth.

Swallowing the yogurt that was in your mouth, you explain your side of the situation to Haknyeon. “You know, that’s what I thought too but if he knows me so well, you would think he would see how much I liked him. But no, stupid Nari gets all his attention.”

“I think you’re overthinking this, they’re working on a group project together and we were partners for the same thing. Don’t you think you spent more time with me than compared to Eric?” Haknyeon points his finger at you and begins to wag it as if that was proving his point. 

“Well considering you’re my neighbor and close friend, there was no possibility that I liked you- No offense,” You say after Haknyeon scoffs. “Also, they’re working on their project twenty feet away from me at Nari’s lunch table and he hasn’t glanced over once.”

Haknyeon quickly glances at the table Eric and Nari were at to see for himself. Turning back around, he rebuttals, “You don’t know that, what if he’s looking when you’re looking away.”

“Doubt it,” You mutter under your breath before taking another scoop of your yogurt. 

The rest of the lunch hour was spent talking to Haknyeon with you never noticing the burning gaze of someone just a few feet away. 

-

As if God heard your prayers about not wanting to do anything during history, the teacher gave the class a free period to either work on other classwork or catch up on assignments. Free periods in history usually meant you working on homework, but since most of your homework usually came from literature, which you had yesterday, there wasn’t much to do. 

You feel your phone go off in your pocket, compelling you to reach for it and check your notifications. 

neigh(ak)bor: so u know the guy i told u about during lunch? dude who shares my birthday? hyunjoon? my mom just told me that she wanted to do some joint pool party thing since he’s new so should i invite the group so u guys can get to know him ? i promise he’s cool.

y/n: yes !! that’d be fun. i’m glad ur mom convinced u to do something for ur birthday.

neigh(ak)bor: u know i love the attention but parties give me stress

y/n: lemme plan it for u !! i know who to invite and i have ur mom’s number so literally don’t think about the party unless it’s about how much fun we’re going to have ! so for the boys it’s sunwoo, changmin, chanhee, hyunjae, younghoon, juyeon, kevin, eric, and maybe sangyeon and jacob if they’re in town ? i’m also inviting hana and yuna. 

neigh(ak)bor: honestly i’ll forever owe u if u actually plan it, and yes! sounds good! a pool party is great time to make ur move on eric btw

y/n: ok leave the rest to me! and shut up, saturday is about YOU and i don’t want my one-sided crush on eric to get in the way

y/n: also, what do u want for ur bday ?? i’ll probs get hyunjoon a gift card cause idk him but what about u ?

neigh(ak)bor: plan this party and get with eric and that’s enough for me 

You let out a chuckle at Haknyeon’s answer and you get ready to reply with something witty before you hear someone clear their throat. You look up and notice that Eric had moved from his assigned seat to the one next to you. 

Eric glances at your phone and back up to you. “Did you have fun at lunch today?” 

Not fully understanding the question, you respond, “Yeah, loads. How did the project go?”

Eric’s jaw clenches at your response but you merely brush it off, assuming he wanted to eat lunch as well but he had to focus his attention on the project with Nari. 

“We finished it,” He huffs. “What’s got you so entranced on your phone that you didn’t see me move over here. I moved here like two minutes ago after I finished my psych homework.”

“Oh, I’m texting Haknyeon. He’s having a pool party for his birthday this Saturday. Apparently one of his mom’s childhood friends moved back into town and she has a son our age who also shares the same birthday as him so it’s like a joint party. Since he’s new to town, he thought we could meet him. His name’s Hyunjoon,” You explain before looking back at your phone to see if Haknyeon had said anything else. 

Eric clenches his jaw once again before responding, “And he’s just fine with sharing a party with some stranger he just met?” He questions, scrunching his nose up at the thought. 

“It’s Haknyeon, literally the nicest guy ever. I wouldn’t expect anything less of him.” You proudly say, not shy to show off your close friend. 

“Right,” Eric mutters, clasping his hands together.

-

“Happy birthday!” You shout, wrapping your arms around Haknyeon’s figure. The birthday present dangled at your side as you tightly swayed the boy from side to side. 

“Thank you! I saw you this morning but I’ll take it,” Haknyeon laughs, pulling away from you. He glances down, noticing the present in your hands, and rolls his eyes. “I told you not to get me anything.”

You brush past him, trying to find his mother so you could greet her. Though you spent the entire morning at his house preparing for the party, she still had some work to do before everyone got there and you wanted to make sure she wasn’t too stressed. 

“She’s in the backyard with Hyunjoon’s mom. He’s super cool by the way, way too cool for you though,” Haknyeon teases, lightly poking at your sides. 

“You’re lucky it’s your birthday,” You mutter, opening the door to the backyard. “Holy shit! It looks so good!” 

You admire the work that Haknyeon’s mom put in after you left, putting up a few more decorations and setting the food out onto the table. The pool had newly blown floaties in it, one that was even a tangerine. 

“Look, it’s you!” You exclaim, pointing to the tangerine in the pool. 

From the corner of your eye, you could see someone sitting on their phone, a stifled laugh emitting from his mouth once they heard what you said. 

“Oh! You must be Hyunjoon!” You say, turning to face the boy. He got up once he heard his name, a small smile on his face. 

“That would be me, and you’re Y/N, right? Haknyeon would not shut up about you,” He laughs once he sees Haknyeon squint his eyes in a threatening manner towards him. 

“Yah, I’m your hyung! Don’t slander me,” He jokes, lightly pushing Hyunjoon. Hyunjoon shakes his head in response, a mischievous twinkle in his eye. 

It made sense why Haknyeon used the term “cool” to describe Hyunjoon because it became apparent how stylish and flamboyant the man was, even though you had just met him. It wasn’t long before the people who were invited began to trickle in and also become acquainted with the new kid. 

“He’s so cool!” Sunwoo hushedly exclaims to you when his spot was taken over by Hyunjae, a line forming to talk to Hyunjoon. 

Haknyeon hums in agreeance, not paying much attention to what was happening around him. He was laying down on the sunbed next to you, his sunglasses covering his face and a bowl of strawberries next to him. From the looks of it, he could have been asleep if it wasn’t for the few words you spoke to him every other minute or so. 

Not finding much pleasure in the pool just yet, you had been undoubtedly obviously staring at Eric who was currently playing ping pong with Juyeon across the backyard. 

“Hyung, you suck at this!” Eric laughs, beating Juyeon with a clear win. You can’t help but smile also, his joy granting you some serotonin. 

“Go talk to him,” Haknyeon says, pulling his shades down to indicate that he was talking to you. There was a knowing look on his face as if he could tell exactly what you were thinking. 

When you don’t say anything, Haknyeon sighs and gets up from his seat. “Get in the pool with me?”

You shrug and follow his lead, not knowing what you would do if he went into the pool and you were left at the sunbed. Something told you that it would lead to more fawning over Eric, and you wanted to spend the rest of the day celebrating Haknyeon, not pining over your best friend. 

Haknyeon takes off his tank top and screams, “Cannonball,” before jumping into the pool, splashing you in the process. You can’t help but laugh at his antics, a series of protests being heard from Changmin and Chanhee who were now drenched as they sat with their feet in the pool. 

“Come on!” He shouts, gesturing for you to enter the pool. Taking off the white cover up, you placed it next to Haknyeon’s shirt before descending down the pool steps instead of jumping in like Haknyeon. The pool was still cold, recovering from the winter temperatures but it was still warm outside, enough to where you could still enjoy the pool. 

As if the birthday boy joining the pool was the sign everyone needed, slowly everyone migrated from their individual activities and joined you guys in the water. 

“Hey,” Eric said, bumping his shoulder into yours. A radiant smile graced his face, the same one that got him the title “Energeric.”

“Hi,” You reply, an evident blush blossoming on your cheeks. You prayed that Eric would assume it was from the warm weather and not his close proximity. 

“It’s a real big shame that your hair isn’t wet yet,” He smirks, his intentions clear in his eyes. 

“Oh, don’t you dare-” You begin, only to feel two hands place themselves on your shoulders and push you down. As soon as you’re fully immersed in the water, Eric lets go, allowing you to come back up for air and possible violence towards the blonde-haired boy. 

“Eric!” You exclaim, wet hair clinging to the sides of your face. Eric lets out a loud laugh before you attempt to shove him away by pushing at his chest. Instead, Eric grabs onto your wrists and keeps them against his stomach, pulling your closer rather than further away. 

Eric sinks his body into the water so he was eye-level with you and he slowly inched closer, causing you to move in the opposite direction. You let out a slight gasp when you felt your back hit the end of the pool, not expecting the sudden contact. Even though your hands were underwater, you could feel the searing sensation of having them up against Eric’s stomach. 

Eric hesitantly looks up at you from underneath his eyelashes, as if he was pondering something. You want to say something, anything, but the potential words slowly slip your mind as you hear someone call for you. 

“Y/N! Come on, it’s time to cut the cake! I don’t want to cut it without you,” You hear Haknyeon yell, poking his head out from inside the house. You must not have noticed him go inside after entering the pool. 

You break yourself from the trance that was Eric and peer over his shoulder, finding Haknyeon’s eyes widened as if he knew something was about to happen. He slowly backs away, his hands in the air, and a sorry look on his face. He circles his pointer fingers around each other, mouthing, “Sorry, keep going.”

All you can do is let out a laugh at Haknyeon’s silly gesture, knowing nothing could have possibly come out of the situation you and Eric were just in. 

“Come on,” You say to Eric. “It’s the birthday boy’s day, we wouldn’t want to make him wait.”

“I-” Eric begins, trying to form words but nothing coming out the way he wants. 

You feel Eric’s grip loosen and you take that as your sign to move away and from him and begin exiting the pool. 

“Wait, can I talk to you?” Eric finally says once your feet touch the ground. You pick up the cover on you had on earlier and place it over your head and then push your arms through the sleeves. Eric remains in the pool, stagnant. 

“After he cuts his cake, I kinda planned the entire day for him so I would hate to make him wait. Plus, I want to see him open my present,” You explain, gesturing for him to leave the pool as you just did. 

Eric, however, didn’t seem to sense the urgency as he continued to stand in the pool. You furrow your eyebrows at him, not understanding what was wrong. 

“Once he opens his present, I promise we can talk. I wanted to catch up too, it’s been a while since we last talked.” You glance back at the door, hearing the familiar song that everyone sings before the cake is cut.

When you look back at Eric, he lets out a bitter laugh and shakes his head, slowly moving out of the pool. 

“What?” You ask, confused. 

“You don’t get it, do you?” He looks back at you, distaste in his eyes. 

“Don’t get what?” 

“Nothing, I should’ve known. I should've trusted my gut,” Eric picks up his tank top from the ground and quickly puts it on, not missing a beat. “Guess I’m just dumb, huh?”

-

“So, I’ve been thinking,” Sunwoo begins, taking a seat next to you at the cafeteria. 

“Well, that can’t be good,” You mutter underneath your breath, taking yet another harsh stab at your salad. 

“You really need to stop eating greens, I think it’s making you angrier,” Sunwoo reasons, not taking into account what you had said.

“Since soccer finals are near my birthday, should I throw a party earlier? The only weekend I have free is the first of April and you know I love gifts.”

“Yeah, we know,” Haknyeon says, taking a fry off Sunwoo’s plate.

“I say do it. Who are you inviting,” The newest addition to your table, Hyunjoon, asks. 

“You know, the usual. Since Sangyeon and Jacob felt bad they couldn’t make it to Haknyeon’s party, they said they’ll try to come if I throw one so probably them, us, math wiz, drama nerd, and-” Sunwoo stops mid sentence and glances at you, a hesitant look on his face. 

“Sunwoo,” You sigh, dropping the fork that was in your hand. “I’m not going to break if you say his name. Yeah, he’s been inadvertently ignoring me for nearly a month but I’m not affected! See! Eric, Eric Eric, Eric-”

“Glad to know you guys talk about me when I’m not here,” You hear someone say from behind you. You mentally curse as you recognize the voice and immediately hang your head low as you watch him take a seat in your peripheral vision.

“She was just, you know,” Sunwoo trails on, evident fear in his eyes. “Talking about how much she loves Eric Nam.”

“Yeah, to a point where he’s the only thing on her mind,” Kevin snickers out, causing a rather painful jab on his end. 

“Ow,” He mutters, lightly stroking his side. 

As expected, that was the only interaction you had with Eric for the entire day, and there was a week left of the same exact thing considering it was Monday. 

When you attempted to finally have a talk with Eric after Haknyeon’s birthday party, he brushed you off and said he was too busy at the moment. As the week progressed, you forgot about Eric wanting to talk to you about something, but it was evident something was wrong because every time you tried to talk to him, he said he had to go or that he didn’t have the time. It became clear he was avoiding you and thus, you finally gave up on initiating any conversation with him. It was as if years of friendship flew down the drain, however, your feelings for him definitely did not. 

-

“You ready?” Haknyeon asks as you step into his car. He knew you were physically ready, but his question was intended to address a different aspect. 

“No. I know I see him every day at lunch but this is the first time we’ll be outside and I know he’s going to pull the same shit he has been for the past month,” You sigh, turning the radio up slightly as you hear a familiar tune play through the speakers. 

“You’re gonna be fine, just stick with me, yeah?” Haknyeon replies, a smile on his face. 

Though you were grateful for the boy next to you, you can’t help but say, “So I’ve been doing.”

When Haknyeon arrives at Sunwoo’s house, you begin to get nervous at the impending interactions between you and Eric. The goal of the night was to avoid him to the best of your ability and stay by Haknyeon, but even that seemed unappealing because you definitely wanted to give him some space. 

“Happy birthday Kim Sunwoo!” Haknyeon says as soon as Sunwoo opens the door. It was very evident within the first minute of being in his house that his parents were not home. Aside from Sunwoo’s apparent tipsy appearance, the kitchen island was practically a distillery. 

“Aren’t Sangyeon and Jacob hyung so cool?” Sunwoo beams, showing off his mini-collection of alcohol. You laugh at the enthusiasm on his face before pouring something for yourself, not picky on what it was. You weren’t a big fan of alcohol, so light sips of anything was your go-to choice. 

“Oh, they could make it? Where are they? I haven’t seen them in so long!” Haknyeon exclaims. Your mind wandered to the two university-attending men and excitement coursed through your veins of finally being able to see them again. 

“They’re in the living room. I’m pretty sure he stole my acoustic guitar a few minutes ago so just follow his angelic voice,” Sunwoo says, imitating an angel singing in an opera voice at the end of his sentence. 

“Just because it’s your birthday party, does not mean that I won’t hesitate to kick you in the face if you don’t stop singing,” You hear Kevin yell from the other room. The three of you leave the kitchen laughing, the night starting off as less stressful than you expected. 

“Haknyeon! Y/N!” Sangyeon bellows when he sees you guys for the first time for the night. 

It doesn’t take long for Haknyeon to get captured into a deep conversation with Sangyeon and Jacob about their time at university, and you were supposed to be partaking in it as well, but your mind drifted elsewhere as you watched Eric from the corner of your eye. He was currently playing beer pong with Sunwoo, laughing whenever Sunwoo did something stupid. As much as you hated to admit it, you missed his smile, and you missed him. 

“Hey, you okay?” Jacob asks, mindlessly strumming the guitar the way in his hands. Your gaze diverted to Jacob’s concerned eyes and you immediately felt bad for not paying attention to the conversation happening in front of you. 

“Yeah, I’m fine. Thanks for asking. I think I’m just gonna head to the bathroom,” You state, throwing a soft smile at Jacob to ensure you were alright. Though he smiles back at you, the worry in his eyes remained. 

You rest your cup on a nearby table and make your way to the bathroom. 

“C’mon, snap out of it,” You mutter to yourself when you finally find your own eyes in the mirror. No one else was able to tell, but it was evident even through the concealer under your eyes that you were tired. 

“Yeah, tired of his bullshit,” You mutter to yourself. The one-way conversation you were having with yourself didn’t seem to be doing much good, however, because you couldn’t help but wonder if Eric was taking any of this easier than you. 

You washed your hands, even though you only came into the bathroom to calm down, and you scrubbed endlessly, hoping that you could waste enough time in the bathroom until it was time to cut Sunwoo’s cake. However, not wanting to worry Jacob or Haknyeon, you decide it was finally time for you to exit after five long minutes of you washing your hands. 

Leaving the bathroom, you hope that the rest of the night would be less stressful, but when you immediately bump into someone as soon as you leave the bathroom, you huff in annoyance. 

“Watch where you’re going,” You hear a familiar voice mutter. Looking up, you freeze when you come face-to-face with the very man you were attempting to avoid. 

“Just as much your fault as mine,” You mumble, attempting to push past him. Eric, however, had other plans on his agenda. 

“Right, cause everything’s always my fault,” Eric mutters, loud enough for you to hear. Though it looked like he was in his own thoughts, the scoff he let out was the last straw before you decided that enough was enough.

“Ok, what the hell is your problem?” You exclaim, suddenly bursting. 

Eric’s eyes widen at the sudden outburst, but he recovers quickly like he knew this was going to happen and he rehearsed it.

“Nothing. Nothing is my problem. Just go back to Haknyeon like you’ve been doing all night. Hell, like you’ve been doing for months.” Eric doesn’t say anything else, getting ready to turn around and leave even though he was heading towards the bathroom earlier. 

“Evidently something is your problem and it seems to be me and Haknyeon. You’ve been ignoring me for weeks and it was ever since that stupid moment at the pool at his party. I don’t know what I’m missing but if you could help me fill in the blanks, that would be great.”

Eric turns back around, a look of disbelief on his face. You notice his jaw clenching and his hands doing the same, repeatedly closing in and out of fists. “You still don’t get it, do you?” He scoffs. 

“I don’t. I really don’t, Eric. So please, just tell me what your problem is with me and Haknyeon.”

“That’s exactly it! It’s you and Haknyeon, it was and always will be,” He exasperates, flinging his hands into the air in frustration. 

It finally dawns on you how exactly Eric was feeling, and you can’t help but madden at his childish behavior. 

“So you were jealous?” You cross your arms over your chest and scoff. Eric seems to only be getting angrier at your response, a reaction you had seen from him quite often. Eric had always been the type to get mad at the smallest inconveniences, his face reddening with anger and the veins in his neck becoming prominent. 

“Yeah, I guess I was,” He mutters. 

“You ignored me for a whole fucking month because I was spending time with Haknyeon?”

“Well, what was I supposed to do when I saw you getting even closer to Haknyeon!?” Eric snaps, his voice rising to a point where you knew some of the others could hear you. “It broke my heart seeing you basically fall in love with him right in front of my eyes. But you know what, break my heart. It was only yours to break anyway.” Eric strains, beginning to mutter at the end of his sentence, but his words were loud and clear. 

Your eyes widen, the sudden confession making you still. Eric runs a frustrated hand through his hair, and you could see slight tears in his eyes. 

“Eric, I am not in love with Haknyeon. He’s my best friend,” You whisper, trying to indicate to Eric that you weren’t mad at him anymore. 

“It’s not,” He begins, stammering. “It’s not that it was Haknyeon. It wasn’t his fault. It’s that I’m your best friend. That’s all I was and that’s all I ever will be and I guess I realized it a little too late,” He mumbles, refusing to make eye contact with you. He turns away for the second time, attempting to leave the conversation. 

“But you aren’t,” You reason, reaching for his hand and tugging at it lightly so he knew that you weren’t done yet. “You aren’t my best friend. Well, you were, until I realized that I always stared at you for a little too long and I hated whenever a girl flirted with you and your eyes sparkled really bright whenever you talked about something you loved like ramen and baseball and-”

“You,” Eric finishes, finally turning around and looking at you. Your hand was still holding his, a feeling that felt much different than it did a minute ago. 

“You should’ve just told me how you were feeling,” You whisper, lightly squeezing his hand. Eric huffs in defeat, knowing you were right. 

“I thought you liked Haknyeon,” He admitted, looking down at your hands while he played with your fingers. “I don’t know how you didn’t notice, Sunwoo always teased me about how I wasn’t discrete at all.”

“Sunwoo knew?” You ask in disbelief. All the suggestive comments he made towards Eric suddenly made sense. 

“Yeah,” He pauses from fidgeting with your fingers and looks up at you. “I’m sorry. I was really mean and I don’t know how I went a whole month without talking to you. I thought space was the best thing for me and that maybe I would get over your crush on Haknyeon but…” He trails off. 

“Yeah, my non-existent crush on Haknyeon,” You joke, lightly pushing him away. A smile breaks out on his face and you could have sworn it was your favorite sight in the world. 

“I’m sorry too. I should’ve just come clean about how I liked you. Also, I cursed out Nari like fifteen times underneath my breath so there’s that too,” You confess, a shy smile on your face. Eric tilts his head back and laughs, finding the entire circumstance humorous now that it was over. 

“We’re both so dumb,” Eric mutters out, a twinkle in his eyes as he looked at you. 

“I missed you,” You whisper, finally taking a proper look at him for the first time in a month. Though not much had changed, this was the longest you had gone without seeing Eric since the first time you met him and more than anything, you were grateful to have him back.

“I missed you too,” He says, pulling you into a hug. You deeply inhale, letting out what felt like an entire month’s worth of pent-up stress out. You take the time to inhale his familiar scent. He smelled just like he always did. He smelled like home.

[davidpastrsnack]

it’s crazy what you’ll do for a friend - nolan patrick

a/n: here’s a friends to lovers 4+1 with our fav boy loosely inspired by daddy issues by the neighbourhood. but there’s still a splash of smut because you know me lol. hope you enjoy :)

word count: 10.5k

The first time you met Nolan you didn’t know what to think. He was polite, giving you a gentle smile and reaching out to shake your hand, but you couldn’t help but fixate on how quiet he was and his seeming lack of emotion.

Regardless of your hesitation, that was the first time of many that Nolan took care of you. 

You were new to Philadelphia, moving to continue your education and expand your horizons. You had always been one to play it safe, to stay in your comfort zone, but after having your heart broken and being unexpectedly accepted to one of the top graduate programs in your field you knew it was time to challenge yourself and leave behind everything you had ever known.

Well, almost everything, aside from Aubrey, one of your best friends since that first day of kindergarten so long ago. She worked in the city, practically begging you to join her when she found out you were considering the move. Just weeks later, the second bedroom in her apartment became yours and that’s how you met him.

~

one

It was only your third night in Philly and you were still unpacking, a glass of wine sitting on your dresser as you dug through the remaining boxes that were seemingly never-ending. It didn’t seem like this much stuff when you were packing it, but here you were overwhelmed with all of your belongings.

You were humming along to the music, taking it one box at a time as the room slowly came together when you heard a knock on your door.

“Come in,” you called, turning to face the door.

“Woah,” Aubrey muttered, “How’s it going in here?”

“I know, I know,” you laughed, “It looks bad but I’m almost there.”

She nodded, stepping into the room and sitting on your bed, “Time for a break?”

You knew what the hopeful smile on her face meant, she had plans for the two of you.

You looked at her with hesitant eyes and she chuckled, remembering how well you knew her.

“I was thinking we could go meet some of my friends?” Aubrey continued, “I’m kind of seeing this one guy and his friends are great. They’re a lot but I think you’ll love them and they’ll love you.”

“Aubrey, I-” You paused, “I really should finish up in here.”

“Come on, Y/N, we have all day tomorrow to finish and you need a break. I feel like I’ve barely even seen you and it’s been three days.”

You let out a laugh at her words, she was right. It felt like your life had been on hold for so long but now you had the opportunity to start fresh, to put yourself out there in a world that had no existing opinions of you.

“Fine,” you groaned, standing up from your spot on the hardwood, “But you have to help me find something to wear.”

“Deal!” Aubrey exclaimed, dragging you out of the room and into her own to go through her closet.

Just over an hour later, you were squeezed into a booth of the bar surrounded by men almost twice your size. Aubrey failed to mention that the guy she was seeing, but not dating as she vehemently claimed, was a Flyer and so were his friends.

You didn’t know what to expect from the group, but it didn’t take long for you to conclude that they were sweethearts, especially Travis, Aubrey’s “friend.” After introducing you to each of them, it felt like you had always been a part of the gang.

The beer and conversation were flowing, the bellowing laughs coming from the table practically feeling the air of the entire bar. You quickly fell into the banter, fitting in right away after growing up with brothers.

“There he is!” You suddenly heard Kevin shout from next to you, “Took you long enough, Patty.”

You looked up from your drink to see the man you could only assume to be Patty, his tall frame towering over you as you sat on the edge of the booth. He was dressed in all black, and his hair was long and frankly, unkempt as it curled around his ears. Even in the dim light of the bar, you could make out his light eyes, the blue piercing you as he finally met your gaze from his seat directly across from yours.

“Nolan, this is my friend Y/N,” Aubrey started, “She just moved in with me.”

Nolan reached out his hand across the table which you happily met, secretly hoping he couldn’t feel how clammy you had gotten since he walked in. He softly smiled as your hands touched, the corners of his mouth barely lifting but just enough.

“Nice to meet you,” he mumbled.

“You too,” you replied, flickering your eyes to the other end of the table before you caught yourself staring.

You were right away distracted by something Travis was chirping Claude for from this morning’s practice, but something about the man sitting just a few feet away from you was still consuming your thoughts.

You were pretty sure he had already decided that he didn’t like you. He had barely said a word aside from his initial pleasantries, but from then on it was almost like he wasn’t even acknowledging your presence. You didn’t know why you even cared, but there was something about his presence that made you on edge.

“I’m going to get another one,” you blurted out, everyone’s attention shifting to you.

“I’ll come with,” Aubrey declared.

“I’m good, stay,” you responded, giving her a knowing look. She was practically sitting in Travis’s lap, her hands wrapped around his neck while his eyes were stuck on her like she was the only one in the room. Not dating, my ass, you thought to yourself.

You slid off the cushion and headed towards the bar, the air already feeling lighter the further away from the group you got. You loved them, they were great, but it was just so much new at once. You needed a breather.

It was a packed Friday night and you knew it would be a while before you got your drink, so you sat down on the first available stool you saw. You caught the bartender's attention right away, but she was clearly swamped. You sent her a reassuring nod, telling her to take her time. She smiled right back at you, evidently grateful for your patience.

After what felt like barely a minute of waiting, you felt a body slide next to yours, the scent of cheap cologne overwhelming you as you braced yourself for what was about to happen.

“Hi there,” he spoke, leaning his weight against the bar top as he boxed you in.

“Hi,” you sighed. To put it simply, you were not in the mood.

“You got a name?”

“I do,” you chuckled in disbelief, turning your body away from his as your eyes scanned the room for anyone familiar. Which of course there wasn’t.

“A snappy one, alright,” he spoke, his hot breath fanning over your neck, “Well I’m Brett, what are you drinking?”

“Nothing,” you snapped.

“Oh c’mon, let me buy you a drink,” he continued, either not picking up on your hints or purposely ignoring them.

“I’m really all set.”

Just before he was about to open his mouth to speak once again, you felt his hand rest flat against your back, your body arching away from him immediately at the contact.

“Do not fucking touch her.”

The deep voice echoed in front of you, your vision clouded as your mind raced in a million directions.

“Listen, man, I got this.”

“No, I don’t think you do,” you heard, the vibrations of his voice running straight through your body.

Nolan.

You may have just met him, but that was a body and voice you couldn’t forget.

You had no idea what overcame you, but before you could process what you were doing you wrapped your arms around his torso. Nolan immediately reciprocated, his arm falling across your shoulders and pulling you close to his frame.  

“Just leave,” Nolan asserted, “Don’t make this more difficult than it has to be. It’s already embarrassing enough that you can’t take no for an answer.”

Your body relaxed against his, Nolan’s words calming your worst fears right away. From your vantage point, you assumed Nolan easily had at least six inches and thirty pounds on him. That seemed to be enough for him, backing away with a faulty glare and disappearing into the crowd.

“Nolan, I-” you stuttered, not knowing what to say, “Thank you,” you finally got out, your voice barely loud enough to hear over the hum of voices.

“Don’t mention it,” he muttered, his aura still cold.

You were so caught up in the shock of the moment that you hadn’t realized you were still holding each other, and right away you dropped your arm from his waist. Nolan did the same, awkwardly moving to sit on the stool next to you and flag the bartender.

You missed the warmth of his body right away, the spicy scent of his skin in stark contrast to the Axe you could only assume the other one was wearing. You swore you could still feel the ripple of his abs beneath his t-shirt on your fingertips. It was silent for a minute, both of you trying to come up with the right words.

“I really can’t thank you enough. Let me buy this round,” you pleaded, your eyes locking with his.

“Y/N,” Nolan started, your face flushing as your name fell from his lips, “I’m buying.”

You smiled up at him, nodding before looking back down in hopes of hiding the flush you felt creeping up your neck and onto your cheeks.

“Can I be honest, Nolan?” You questioned.

“Shoot.”

“Do you not like me? Did I do something? I wasn’t expecting that from you of all people-” you rambled until Nolan cut you off.

“First of all, I would have done that even if I hated you. But no, I like you, Y/N. A friend of a friend of TK’s is a friend of mine.”

You laughed at the last part before you could even process the first. Nolan’s cheeks went red, clearly embarrassed at his cliché phrasing but it didn’t matter how badly he made a fool of himself as long as you were smiling. The way your eyes scrunched and your nose turned up while you laughed was enough to make him forget the day he had.

Your laughter was interrupted by your drinks, the woman leaving you with a knowing smile before she turned away. Nolan and you both stood up ready to head back to the table before he stopped you.

“Friends?” He asked, putting his hand out in front of himself.

“Friends,” you agreed with a grin, shaking his hand before walking back to the group together.

~

two

You dreaded first days.

No matter how old you got, the anxiety of walking into an unfamiliar room full of unfamiliar faces never lessened. But you were ready, you reminded yourself, putting your head up and walking to the classroom like you had been there a hundred times before.

By the time you were walking out after the 90 minutes were up, your heart was pounding and you could feel the tears pricking the back of your eyes as you ran out of the building, not even bothering to introduce yourself to anyone.

The walk from the university back to your apartment was a blur. You couldn’t believe you had made such a poor first impression. You thought you were prepared, you had your notebook ready and all the right textbooks in order, but you somehow missed that there was an assignment due on the very first day.

As you rushed through the busy streets of the city, dodging people left and right, your mind raced back to that room.

“Ms. Y/L/N, can you please give your thoughts on the first case study?” Your professor questioned, intently watching you as your panic set in.

Your heart began to race and your palms sweat as you struggled to find the words to say that you hadn’t done the reading. This had never happened to you before, you were an A+ student for your entire life, almost unhealthily so. You couldn’t remember the last time you had missed an assignment, it just wasn’t something you did.

“Alright, then. Anyone else who actually checked the syllabus have something to say?”

Your professor's words were stuck in your head, playing over and over again when you finally reached your building. Now that you were so close to being in the comfort of your own space you could feel your wheels spinning, the stress and emotion overtaking your body.

Your hands shook as you tried to unlock the door, your body pushing through the threshold when you finally got it open.

“Aubrey?” You called as you walked through the hallway. She had known you for so long and always knew what to do to calm you down. But instead of Aubrey’s bright voice welcoming you back, you were met with silence.

“Where are you?” You muttered under your breath, your voice shaking as the tears threatened to spill over any second. As you turned the corner into the living room, you found three bodies spread across the couch, none of whom belonged to Aubrey.

“Oh,” you sputtered out, surprised to see Travis, Kevin, and Nolan watching a game.

“Y/N!” Travis called out, his infectious smile almost making your tight-lipped frown fade, “Aubrey just ran out for something but she should be back soon.”

You could feel Nolan’s gaze burning into you. You did your best to avoid his eye contact in hopes of hiding your current state from him. He had been nothing but kind to you, but you still felt so exposed standing in front of him, suddenly insecure about your outfit.

“I’m just going to go,” you whispered, pointing down the hall to your room. You felt horrible just ignoring them like that, but you knew you didn’t have it in you to keep up with them right now.

Your bag fell out of your hands almost instantly as soon as the door to your room clicked shut, the sound of your laptop hitting the hardwood floor making you cringe. You collapsed on your bed face first, the emotion you had been holding back for what felt like forever overwhelming you. Your body wracked in sobs as you replayed your embarrassment in a seemingly endless loop.

Nolan knew something was wrong the second he saw you. He may have only met you just a few days ago, but after growing up with two sisters he recognized the signs right away. He had no idea what was wrong, but he did know that you were barely holding it together.

Your head snapped up when you heard a series of soft knocks on your door, “Aubrey?” You asked, your voice rising with hope.

“No, uh, it’s Nolan.”

Your face fell when you heard his deep voice through the wood. You barely knew Nolan, he couldn’t see you like this. You paused for a moment wondering if he would just leave if you didn’t respond, but you could see his shadow through the bottom crack of your door, his feet were planted and didn’t show any signs of moving any time soon.

You silently groaned and picked yourself up, not even bothering to look in the mirror before opening the door because you knew it was not going to a pretty sight regardless. You hastily wiped underneath your eyes, the black of your mascara flaking right off your tear-stained skin. This wasn’t exactly how you wanted the new boy in your life to see you right after meeting you, but you just were friends, right?

“What, Nolan?” You sighed when you finally opened the door.

You didn’t mean to be so stark, but it just came out. His presence overwhelmed you just like it had at the bar a few nights ago. He was leaning against the door frame with his hands tucked into the pockets of his sweatpants. The backward hat resting atop his head flattered him perfectly, drawing attention to the tufts of his brown hair curling around his ears and neck.

Nolan stood up straight as soon as he saw you, his eyes softening when his suspicions were confirmed: you had been crying.

“I just wanted to check on you,” he mumbled, his eyes never leaving your own.

The tension in your shoulders released as you looked up at him. He didn’t say anything else, just tilting his head down towards you as he continued to scan your face for any signs of how you were feeling. You couldn’t pinpoint it, but there was something about Nolan that made you feel so safe, so secure, like as long as you were with him you could avoid your demons.

“I’m fine,” you murmured, your voice barely above a whisper.

“No you’re not,” Nolan rebutted, raising his eyebrows as if he was challenging you to lie to him again.

You didn’t say anything, but rather you moved your body to the side and ushered him into your room. Nolan happily obliged, awkwardly standing as he took in his surroundings. Your room was just as he expected, it was minimal, just like his. You didn’t like clutter, everything had a place. It was one way you tried to control the chaos that was your life.

“You can sit,” you spoke, breaking the silence.

Nolan nodded and sat next to you at the foot of the bed. You couldn’t help but let your eyes trail along his leg, the way his thighs stretched the fabric of his sweatpants making your cheeks flush.

“It was my first day at this new program I’m in and it didn’t go well, that’s all,” you finally sputtered out, staring down at your lap as your hands fidgeted. “I’ve never been good at first impressions,” you added, a gentle laugh escaping your lip as you thought back to your first time meeting Nolan.

“Listen, I’m sure it wasn’t that bad,” Nolan encouraged, “You seem like a pretty great person.”

You scoffed at his attempt to make you feel better, your emotions creeping their way back into your head.

“It was-” you paused, using every fiber within your being to try not to lose it in front of him, “It was bad.”

“C’mere,” Nolan whispered, turning on the bed to face you more and opening his arms, practically begging for your embrace.

You shook your head, closing your eyes as the fresh tears started burning. You were so selective in who you exposed your most vulnerable state to, and you barely knew Nolan. But despite this, you felt such an instant connection with him, and if his overt kindness was any indication, he felt the same way.

You let your final guard down, leaning back and curling into Nolan’s frame. He immediately wrapped his arms around you, holding you tight against him as one hand moved up to your head to rub soft circles into your hair.

“Go ahead and cry,” he hummed, his body gently rocking you back and forth.

You melted at his touch, your head nuzzling into the crook of his neck, the muted orange of his Flyers hoodie the last thing you saw before your eyes shut in sobs. His scent was overwhelming, the mix of his body wash and the leftover cologne lingering on his hoodie flooding your senses. You felt as if you disappeared in his grasp, like the world around you vanished and nothing else mattered.

You didn’t even know how much time had passed, but Nolan didn’t move an inch. He held you like it was the only thing he had to do all day. Once the tears stopped falling and your breathing steadied, you pulled back, instantly flooded with embarrassment.

“Wow,” you chuckled, wiping your cheeks, “I am so sorry, Nolan, I don’t know what happened I just-”

“Don’t,” he interrupted, “We’re friends, remember?” He teased, the corners of his mouth lifting in a gentle smile as he bumped your shoulder.

“Yeah,” you laughed.

“I think we were planning on grabbing some food,” Nolan mumbled, his hand scratching the back of his neck as he spoke, “If you want to come.”

“Oh, I don’t know.”

“Come on, you’re coming. If I have to put up with those two out there so do you.”

You rolled your eyes, but it was the least you could do after what he had just done for you.

“Give me five minutes to look less dead.”

Nolan smiled as you agreed, slipping out of the room so you could change and freshen up.

“What the fuck was that?” Nolan was bombarded by Kevin as he sat back down.

“Nothing,” Nolan mumbled, not in the mood to be questioned about things he didn’t even know the answer to.

“She let you go in there?” Aubrey asked, just having gotten back.

“Yes?” He responded, confused by her question.

Aubrey didn’t bother getting into it and changed the subject instead, but inside she was scheming. She knew you, how closed off you were, but here you were opening up to Nolan like you’ve known him for years. Nothing made Aubrey happier than watching this friendship bloom, and she couldn’t help but wonder if there was potential for more.

~

three

Team galas usually didn’t bother Nolan, it was part of the job, but tonight it was the last place he wanted to be. His tux felt too tight, the stuffy conversation with potential sponsors was putting him to sleep, and his date was, to be frank, insufferable.

Nolan had no problem going to an event without a plus one, he and TK were usually the two single guys spending their time causing trouble, but now that Aubrey was in the picture Kevin had decided he had seen enough. So, despite Nolan begging him to leave him alone, Kevin set him up with one of his friends from Boston.

She was just as Kevin described, beautiful and smart, but that was about all. Nolan was calm and reserved, at least until he was comfortable with someone, but she was the complete opposite. Her personality filled the entire room and although he admired her confidence, Nolan was exhausted. He felt like he couldn’t be himself, like he had to work to match her energy.

After what felt like hours of entertaining her and Kevin, Nolan made his escape to the bar. It was the first moment to himself he had, the relief immediately flooding him as he leaned against the counter. He titled his glass to the bartender, silently requesting a refill when he felt his phone buzzing in the pocket of his suit pants.

Nolan begrudgingly pulled the phone, wondering who it could possibly be. The entire team was with him and it was unlike his family to call him on a Saturday night. But when he saw your name flashing across the screen, his whole demeanor shifted.

“Nolan!” He heard you exclaim, your voice like a breath of fresh air.

“Y/N?” He questioned. You had never called him out of the blue like this before. Nolan nodded to the bartender thanking him before taking his drink and walking out to the empty hallway so he could hear you better. “Everything okay?”

It wasn’t really. You had just come back home from a date, one Aubrey practically forced you to go on. You pleaded to her that you were fine, that you weren’t ready to start dating in the city yet, but regardless, you found yourself sitting across from one of her coworkers at a restaurant downtown.

There was nothing wrong with him, he was nice, but it was evident to you before your drinks were even ordered that this wasn’t going to work. You pushed through the meal, putting on your best fake smile and pretending to laugh at his forced humor. You politely declined his offer to walk you home, instead opting to get an Uber so you could get out of your dress as soon as possible.

Now you were home, your sweats on and hair up with a glass of wine in your hand. The glass quickly turned into almost the entire bottle, drowning your sorrows of another failed date with your favorite red. That’s when you made the mistake of picking up your phone, your fingers scrolling through your contacts until you found the one name you knew would be able to distract you.

“I’m great. I mean I’m not, but it’s fine,” you rambled, your words slurred as you spoke.

For once it was you mumbling and not Nolan. He didn’t know what, but his gut was telling him that something was wrong, he could practically smell the alcohol on your tongue through the phone. After a long pause of trying to figure out what to say, his thoughts were interrupted.

“Come over?” You whispered, “I’m so sick of being alone.”

Nolan’s heart dropped at your words, his eyes blinking shut as he pondered his next move. His eyes scanned the ballroom, finally landing on his date. She was sitting at their table, Nolan’s empty seat sticking out like a sore thumb, laughing at whatever story of his college days Kevin was regurgitating. He would feel like an ass if he just left, and he would be lying if he said the prospect of an easy lay hadn’t crossed his mind tonight, but you were more important.

“Give me twenty.”

-

Since calling Nolan you had migrated from your bed to the couch, a blanket sprawled across your body while you laid horizontal. The only light in the room was from the TV as one of your comfort movies played. You were barely paying attention, instead zoning out and staring at the lit-up city around you from the window.

Your mindless thoughts were interrupted by a series of knocks on the door. You threw the blanket off of your body and stood up, slowly dragging your feet across the hardwood as you made your way. But you were nowhere near prepared for what you saw as soon as you opened the door.

Nolan towered over you in the door frame. He was wearing a suit, the soft, grey fabric clinging to his thighs and shoulders perfectly. His long hair was slicked back and tucked behind his ears. The scent of his cologne overwhelmed you instantly, the warm aroma making you want to melt into him. One hand was resting in his pant pocket, while the other was carrying a take-out bag from one of your favorite spots.

“Hi,” Nolan quietly muttered, breaking the silence.

His deep voice broke the trance you were in, and that’s when the realization hit you.

“I completely forgot you guys had that thing tonight,” you blurted, the alcohol in your bloodstream clogging your train of thought, “I am so sorry. You have to go back, I feel horrible.”

Your hands came up to your face, hiding your embarrassment. How could you forget? You spent hours this morning helping Aubrey pick out her dress.

“Y/N,” Nolan cooed, his large hands gently pulling your own off of your face, “I’m here and I’m not leaving.”

Nolan didn’t let you get another word out before he was pushing past your body. He wasn’t even enjoying himself at the event and the last thing he wanted to do was go back.

It didn’t long for the two of you to finish the food, opting to head back to the couch and ignore the many empty containers for now.

“I’m never going on a date ever again,” you slurred, “I don’t even want to look at a man ever again.”

Despite trying to be quiet, Nolan couldn’t hide his chuckle. He had heard similar frustrations from his two sisters growing up. He had been around endless assholes throughout his life, he knew how exhausting it must have been to try to find a decent one.

“Can’t blame you,” he mumbled.

Your body slumped against the back of the couch, your eyes slipping shut as the wine and food started to lull you into a sleepy haze. Nolan scanned your face, a soft smile creeping onto his face as he watched your chest gently rise and fall with each breath. Before he could catch himself, he lifted his hand and pushed back the hair that had fallen in your face, tucking it behind your ear.

In that moment Nolan knew that he was fucked.

Never before had he dropped everything for a girl as he did for you tonight. But he also had never connected with someone like he did with you. You didn’t force him to be something he wasn’t, there was no pressure to put on an act. It just felt natural with you. But your words from just a few minutes before lingered in the back of his head. You made it clear that you weren’t looking for anything right now, it only took one miserable date to remind you of that. So Nolan pulled his hand away, trying to ignore the burning of your skin against his fingertips as they trailed across your soft cheek.

You were friends. Just friends.

-

You had no idea how much time had passed, but suddenly you felt yourself stir awake, your eyes peeling open to find yourself tucked into Nolan’s side. His body was warm below yours, his arm resting across your shoulders holding you in place as you lay against his chest. From your peripheral vision, you could see his suit jacket on one of the couch cushions, the soft material of his button-down rubbing on your cheek.

You had two options. You could either acknowledge that you awkwardly fell asleep on him in your drunken state, or you could pretend that you never woke up and continue to enjoy the comfort of his embrace.

Needless to say, you chose the latter.

But you must have dozed off again because the next time you woke up you were being carried into your bedroom. Your arms were wrapped tightly across Nolan’s neck, the tips of your fingers naturally lifting to twirl the tufts of his hair.

“Shhh, I got you,” Nolan whispered as he felt you move, just before he laid you down onto your bed, “I’ll be right back.”

Nolan hastily left the room, leaving you to bask in the memory of his warmth as your head fell back against your pillow. Within just a few seconds he was back, placing a cool glass of water on your nightstand table. But almost just as fast as he came back, he was leaving again.

“Stay,” you murmured, watching him pause at the outline of your door.

“I- I got the couch.”

“Okay,” you responded, trying to hide your disappointment.

Nolan visibly cringed the second your door was closed, his head falling to his lap once he sat down. He wanted nothing more than to climb into bed with you. The thought of holding you beneath the sheets and feeling your soft skin in contrast to his rough hands made him dizzy. But the last thing he wanted to do was make you uncomfortable. You weren’t sober enough to say he could stay, and there was no chance in hell Nolan was going to risk scaring you off. So he took the couch, laying across the cushions with his eyes locked on your door until his eyelids gave in to his exhaustion. 

~

four

It was finally Friday, another week in the books. 

Your classes were taking more out of you than you had expected, the hours of reading and note-taking blending together as you finally closed your last tab. You had no plans for the night, and you honestly couldn’t be happier about it. A hot shower, takeout, and falling asleep early encompassed your perfect night recently.

Just as you were about to get in the shower, you were distracted by your phone ringing. You picked it up, surprised to see it was Kevin calling.

“Hi, Kevin,” you spoke, a slight edge to your words. You adored Kevin, he was an absolute sweetheart, but sometimes you just didn’t have the patience.

“What are you doing tonight?”

You rolled your eyes at his question, “Nothing.”

“Incorrect, you’re coming over and hanging out with me and Pat.”

“I am?” You laughed, taken aback by Kevin’s forwardness.

“Teeks and Aubrey are coming too, come on, Y/N,” he continued.

You knew you weren’t getting out of this without a real excuse, no matter how much you wanted to stay in. You hadn’t seen Nolan since the night you embarrassed yourself, the cringe of drunk dialing him after a bad date had yet to escape your memory.

“What time?”

“Uh- Let’s say 7.”

“Alright, Kev. See you later,” you hung up the phone, throwing it back on your bed before getting in the shower.

-

As you approached the boys’ apartment door, it was quieter than you expected it to be. Aubrey said she was already with Travis and would meet you there, so you were arriving alone. You assumed they would already have been there by now, but you ignored the silence and knocked on the door.

Just a few seconds later, the door swung open and you were face to face with Nolan. Your eyes widened when you saw him, his sweatpants hanging low on his hips and his bare torso staring at you. You quickly composed yourself, using every ounce of self-control within you to avoid trailing your gaze across his broad shoulders and down his chest, the curves and divots of his abs making your mouth water.

“Sorry,” Nolan mumbled, his cheeks flushing even redder than they usually were, “I thought you were Kevin, he always forgets his keys. Come in.”

You followed Nolan into the apartment, the muscles of his back rippling as his arms swung. You sat down on the couch, awkwardly waiting while he disappeared into his room. He came back just a few seconds later, his body now hidden behind a wrinkly t-shirt.

“Where is everyone?” You questioned, your body stiff as Nolan relaxed into the cushion next to you.

“Not sure,” he mumbled, the red of his cheeks lingering, “Kev said you were coming with Aubrey?”

Your face scrunched in confusion, “He told me she was coming here with Travis.”

Nolan then pulled his phone out and started typing a message to Kevin, desperate to figure out where he was. For some reason being here with you alone was making him nervous, there was an awkward energy in the air that had never been there before.

Nolan was reaching for the TV remote, about to ask you if you wanted to put something on when his phone sounded.

Kevin: You’re welcome

Now it was Nolan’s turn to furrow his eyebrows, the boy even more confused by Kevin’s message.

Kevin: We couldn’t watch you two anymore please just do something

Kevin: I’ll be out all night

Kevin: Don’t forget protection!

Of course. Of course, this little miscommunication was, in fact, a setup. But the worst part was that Nolan knew Kevin was right. No matter how hard he tried, he had been pining over you since that very first night. And now here you two were in an empty apartment with enough sexual tension to last the year.

“No one’s coming, are they?” You broke the silence, snapping Nolan out of his trance.

He threw his phone to the side as a slight smile crept across his stern face, “Nope,” he chuckled.

If you thought there was tension before, it didn’t even compare to what you felt now. Since meeting Nolan you were under the impression that your secretly harbored feelings for him were just that, a secret, but apparently, you weren’t as subtle as you thought. This had Aubrey written all over it, and you knew Travis was under her spell and would do anything to help her, and bonus points for chirping Nolan simultaneously. It was the elephant in the room, your mutual feelings still not being spoken but you both knew you had been called out by the people who knew you best.

“What are you thinking about?” Nolan whispered, the rough hum of his voice sending chills down your spine.

You couldn’t get even a single word out, your thoughts and feelings jumbling in your mind. After all this time the perfect opportunity was finally handed to you on a silver platter, but you still couldn’t do it.

Nolan could sense your hesitation, your close proximity and sweet scent clouding his consciousness.

“I’ll tell you what I’m thinking about,” he murmured, turning his body so he was facing you.

Your eyes had yet to leave your lap, your focus stuck on the rip of your jeans. You jumped when you felt his warm touch on your lower thigh, the warmth of his calloused hands making your heart rate rise even though the thick denim. His size was intoxicating and he made you feel like putty as he leaned closer to you.

“Y/N,” Nolan mumbled, his voice deeper than ever before.

You finally lifted your gaze, turning your head up to look at him. His baby blue eyes were piercing yours, the contact lighting a fire within you. Every reasonable thought in your head was telling you to pull away, to grab your bag and politely excuse yourself. You weren’t ready for a relationship, you had barely put yourself back together after your last heartbreak and Philly was supposed to be different. But as you sat here, your face just inches away from Nolan’s, you gave in to your desire.

Before you could talk yourself out of it, you connected your lips with his, immediately sighing in relief as his soft pout worked perfectly against you. You hastily swung your hips over and seated yourself on Nolan’s lap, an eager groan escaping him when your body rolled into his. His hands splayed across your hips, moving to circle your ass as he helped you grind deeper into his already hardening length.

Nolan trailed his lips down your jaw, nibbling and sucking on the plane of your neck. You knew he was leaving marks, but in the moment you couldn’t care less, the euphoria of his touch being the only comprehensive feeling.

“Please,” you whined, tightening your grip on his long locks, “Nolan.”

You couldn’t remember the last time someone had ignited you as Nolan had. He had barely even touched you and you were nearly certain you had already soaked through your panties, withering in his lap desperate for more.

“Now she has something to say,” Nolan teased, whispering into the shell of your ear. He gave you no warning before he was standing up, holding the back of your legs as you instinctually wrapped them around his waist.

Nolan gently tossed you on his bed, pausing to pull his shirt off before he was climbing on top of you. You were in a state of bliss, finally able to admire his frame shamelessly and without fear of getting caught. He continued to attack your neck, leaving mark after mark behind in his wake. You whimpered impatiently as his lips worked your sensitive skin, but Nolan was set on taking his time. He didn’t know if he would ever have you like this again and he was going to savor every second of it.

But you decided to take matters into your own hands, pushing his frame off of yours and pulling your sweater over your head. You grabbed Nolan’s face again, cupping both of his cheeks as your lips met again. He made quick work of your bra, unclasping it with ease behind your back and tossing it across the room.

“Fuck, you’re stunning,” he groaned, pausing to take you in. Your hair was splayed across the pillow, your cheeks flushed while your chest heaved up and down with heavy breathing. His praise went straight to your core, clenching around nothing as you grew more and more desperate for him.

Nolan wasted no more time, finally making his way down your torso before reaching the hem of your pants. His fingertips slowly ran beneath the fabric, stopping only to look up at you. Your eyes locked and you frantically nodded, understanding that he was waiting for your permission before continuing.

“Words, Y/N,” Nolan hummed into your thigh, his order gentle but firm.

“Yes,” you breathed out, “Fuck, yes.”

Nolan did as you said, unzipping your jeans and sliding them down your legs. He almost lost his balance on the mattress when he saw you laying before him, the pink lace resting across your hips being the only thing keeping him from you. Nolan settled himself between your legs, hooking both of them over his shoulders as his hot breath fanned over your pussy.

Nolan placed a soft kiss to your lace-covered clit, basking in your reaction as you let out an embarrassingly loud moan and your hands flew to his head, tangling in his hair. Your hips jerked up into the air, desperate for more friction. Nolan laid his thick forearm across your waist, his weight halting all of your movements and holding you at his mercy.

“Nolan, please just fuck me,” you begged, the suspense too much to handle as you felt yourself drip down the crease of your thigh.

“All in good time, baby,” he cooed, pulling your panties to the side and finally connecting with your throbbing pussy.

You cried out as his tongue flicked your clit back and forth, the pleasure only magnifying when he sucked it between his teeth. Your hands were locked with an iron grip in the roots of his hair, holding on like your life depended on it. Nolan hummed against your core as he continued to taste you, the vibrations of his voice sending shockwaves through your body.

Suddenly Nolan pulled back, but before you could protest you heard ripping. A gasp left your lips when you realized what he had done, the mangled lace of your panties now laying on his floor. You wanted to yell at him, complain that those were your favorite, but before you could get a word out he was back at work, this time fucking his tongue in and out of you.

Your head fell back against the pillow, your mouth opening in a silent scream when you felt him slide two fingers inside while his mouth circled your clit again. Nolan curled his fingers against your sweet spot and you knew you were done for, your back arching off the mattress as you combusted with your orgasm.

Nolan milked you through your high, his tongue flattening against your clit as his head shook and his fingers kept their pace. He finally slowed down as he felt you come down, pulling back to watch you shake as the last waves of pleasure rolled through your body. He slipped his fingers out of your fluttering pussy, only to bring them to his mouth and suck your juices clean.

“You’re really good at that,” you stammered, just now coming back to your senses after almost blacking out.

Nolan laughed, kissing his way back up your body until you two were face to face again. You couldn’t resist pulling him down and crashing your lips against his, moaning into his mouth as you tasted yourself on his tongue.

“I’m good at other things too,” he smirked, tucking your hair behind your ear, just as he had done last week, except this time he didn’t have to hide it. The soft action made your heart flutter, but his words made something else flutter.

“Give me your best, Patrick,” you challenged.

“Your wish is my command, baby.”

Nolan pushed off his arms and stood up, hurriedly stripping himself of his sweats and boxers in one fell swoop. A whimper escaped your lips when you heard the sound of his cock slapping against his stomach, your pupils dilated as your eyes trailed down his thighs admiring his tattoos. 

Reaching across you to get a condom from his nightstand, Nolan was surprised when you plucked it right from his hand. You tore open the foil and slowly rolled the condom onto him, a small smile spreading across your face when his hips buckled into your hand at your touch.

You may have been embarrassingly weak for him, but he was just as weak for you.

Nolan shifted on the bed so he was hovering over your body, leaning down to press a kiss to your mouth. Your lips moved in sync with one another, the pure lust filling the room dictating every movement. He felt you grow more and more impatient, your body stirring beneath his as he finally pulled away.

Taking one last look at you spread out before him, waiting for him to touch you, Nolan directed his attention back to between your legs. He locked eyes with you before collecting the salvia in his mouth, harshly spitting on your pussy. The moan you let out was only amplified when he started teasing you even more, dragging the head of his cock through your soaking folds.

“Nolan,” you whined, the last letter of his name prolonged as you begged, your entire body tensing while he tapped your already so sensitive clit.

“Shhh,” he cooed, rubbing his thumb in soothing circles against your hip, “Got to make sure you’re ready for me.”

Before you could get in another word of protest, Nolan was pushing one of your legs into your chest and sliding inside. Your mouth fell open as he slowly bottomed out, the sensation of him filling you paralyzing. A string of deep swears left his lips as he felt you already clenching around him.

After letting you adjust, Nolan started rocking his hips, quickly finding his rhythm. You didn’t have a single thought in your head, the way he hit your sweet spot inside and ground against your clit making you dizzy.

Nolan had never been in such bliss. He could never have imagined how good you would feel wrapped around him, your walls still pulsating from your first high as he slid in and out. The way your name sounded falling from his lips was pure ecstasy, his innate possessiveness in full drive. Your nails dug into his back, dragging burning lines into his skin that he knew he would be tormented about tomorrow in the locker room but it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered but the way your bodies fit together in perfect harmony right this moment.

You could feel yourself growing close within mere minutes, Nolan’s relentless thrusts giving you no mercy. He could tell you were almost there by the way you were fluttering around him, along with the mindless sounds of pleasure escaping your lips getting louder and louder.

“That’s it,” Nolan encouraged in your ear, “Cum for me, Y/N.”

Between his hot breath against your tingling skin and his plunging thrusts, Nolan had you seeing stars.

“Nolan, Nolan,” you whined.

You swore you almost blacked out, your vision going blank as he fucked you through your high. He wasn’t far behind you, the clenching of your pussy egging him on until he finally let go, his hips stuttering and groans filling the air as his head fell into the crook of your neck.

“Fuck,” Nolan sighed, letting his heart rate steady as he laid above you, resting the majority of his weight on his forearms.

“Yeah,” you responded with a breathy laugh, your mind still blank as you came down.

Nolan stayed there for a few minutes before finally sitting up, cringing as you whimpered when he pulled out. Your eyes slipped shut, but you could hear him shifting around the room. After pulling on a pair of fresh boxers and dampening a towel, Nolan gently cleaned you up, biting back a smirk each time you shivered at his touch. He disappeared again, this time returning with a shirt in hand, urging you to sit up so he could help you pull the soft fabric over your head.

You had every intention of getting dressed and leaving, but you just couldn’t find the energy to remove yourself from his warm bed. The sheets that smelled like him enveloped you, and now his t-shirt was draped over your shoulders begging you to stay. Nolan slid next to you, his body cradling yours from behind as he wrapped an arm around your waist, holding you impossibly close.

“Sleep well, Y/N,” Nolan hummed into your neck as he settled in.

“Goodnight,” you managed to get out, the shame of what you had just done starting to spiral in your head.

You made a mistake. Nolan was good, so good, and he deserved more than you could give him. Your last relationship ended in disaster, leaving you broken and abandoning the idea of finding love ever again. Regardless of what you told your friends and family, it was what drove you from home. Then came Nolan, he was the definition of kind. Even when he barely knew you he did whatever he could to protect you. That kind of guy deserves someone who’s got it together, not whatever mess you were. You couldn’t believe you let your attraction to him get the best of you, and now here you were, pressed against his sleeping frame as he held you.

Everything inside of you was telling you to leave. It was too much, the eventual pain of whatever this was ending was overwhelming. You could hear Nolan snoring behind you, the sound of his contentment almost bringing tears to your eyes. Gently lifting his arm from its spot across your waist, you slid from underneath his grasp. It was nearly impossible to find your clothes in the dark, but you managed to do so without making too much noise. Nolan didn’t even stir as you moved around him, folding the shirt he gave you and placing it on the nightstand.

Just as you reached for the door, you felt yourself pause. Don’t do it, Y/N. Don’t do it. But you couldn’t resist, slowly turning to take in what you were leaving behind.

Nolan was passed out, his body leaning towards the pillow where you once laid your head and his arm laying flat as if he was still holding you. You could make out the redness of his cheeks in the dim light, his eyelashes curling down onto his cheeks. Your heart broke as you looked at him, but you knew it was what you had to do. He deserved the world, which was much more than you were able to give him. Without giving it another second of thought, you opened the door as quietly as possible and made your escape.

~

+ one

It had been over three weeks since you last spoke to Nolan.

You couldn’t handle facing him just yet, so you did what you knew best: shutting out the people that cared about you the most. You ignored every single one of his calls and texts, eventually muting his number when it became too much. You replayed what you imagined he looked and felt like that morning, waking up to a cold, empty bed. It was heartbreaking, but you stayed firm in your decision. As long as you didn’t have to see his face you would be fine.

But of course, Aubrey had different plans for you.

Since that night, you had been more distant from her than ever before. You left the apartment early in the morning, spending your day in class and bouncing between different coffee shops while working. You kept up appearances when you returned in the evening, saying hello and asking her how her day was, but practically nothing else. You made an early exit to your room, citing homework or lack of sleep as your excuse. But she knew you better than anyone else, it was no secret something was wrong. Much to your content, you could only assume that Nolan was keeping your secret as well, knowing that if he told anyone on the team you would be getting an earful from her.

But Aubrey had decided that she was done letting you sulk about whatever it was you were so clearly upset by. The Flyers had been away for almost two weeks and tonight was their first game back home. Thanks to Travis, she had two tickets in hand ready for the two of you.

Before you had even shut the apartment door behind you after arriving home, she was jumping up to greet you.

“Hey!” Aubrey exclaimed as you walked in, “We’re going out tonight.”

You just stared at her confused, knowing damn well you had no intention of going anywhere. “Hey,” you started, “I- I don’t think so, I have a lot to do.”

“No, you don’t. Listen, I don’t know what is going on with you but I’m sick of watching you wallow in whatever it is. I’ve barely talked to you in almost a month, you’re coming with me,” Aubrey snapped. If there was one thing about having such an old friend it was that she always gave it to you straight.

“Where?” You begrudgingly inquired.

“Nope, it’s a surprise,” she answered. If her inkling was correct, whatever had you in this funk had something to do with a certain Flyers centerman and she was not risking you ditching because of it.  

“Fine,” you groaned.

It wasn’t news to you that you had been a horrible friend recently. Despite the anxiety that came with breaking your current routine, maybe a night with Aubrey was just what you needed to take your mind off everything.

-

A few hours had passed, and you were sitting in the back of an Uber watching the city pass you by. Aubrey maintained the anonymity of the destination, ignoring all of your pleas for even just a hint. But there were some things that she couldn’t control.

Your stomach dropped when you saw where the car was heading towards, the large Wells Fargo Center plastered on the side of the building cluing you in. Of course, you thought, how could you not have known. You had so strictly blocked Nolan and the entire team from your mind that didn’t think to look at their schedule, but now it all made sense.

“Aubrey, no,” you stated, your voice already shaking as you got closer and closer.

“What the hell happened?” she snapped back, finally getting confirmation that your funk was related to Nolan.

“Nothing, nothing happened. I just don’t want to go,” you rebutted, “I’m not in the mood to see everyone, okay?”

“You don’t have to, we’re sitting alone,” she responded, turning her phone on and showing you the location of the tickets. As she promised, they were nowhere near the family boxes.

You didn’t say anything else, instead choosing silence as the car pulled up to the entrance. You both thanked the driver before quickly exiting, a long, awkward silence falling over the two of you as you entered the arena.

You could do this, you told yourself while adjusting in your seat. You could sit through one game, you didn’t even have to see or talk to anyone. If it would make Aubrey happy, you could suck it up and sit down. The two of you had still barely said a word to each other since arriving, and you could see the disappointment on her face. Deciding it was time to get over it, you put your arm around Aubrey, smiling as you instantly felt her relax and place her head on your shoulder. Neither of you said anything, but after knowing each other for so long, you didn’t have to. She knew what you meant.

-

You didn’t know what to expect, but the second you saw Nolan step onto the ice you were flooded with emotion. He looked tired, like he hadn’t been sleeping much or well, and your heart dropped at the thought that you may have been the reason why. You still were firm in your decision to avoid anything serious right now, but you knew you went about it in the completely wrong way. Nolan was the closest thing you had ever met to an angel, but you treated him like a random one night stand from the bar you barely knew. The guilt had overtaken you over the past few weeks, and seeing him in the flesh wasn’t helping.

It was a relatively uneventful game, the rebuilding Red Wings visiting and not giving the Flyers much of a fight. By the third period they were up 4-0, one of which was scored by number 19 himself. As the horn sounded signaling the end of the game, Aubrey turned to you.

“I was going to go see Travis,” she hesitated, “Do you want to come? Or I can meet you right after?”

“I’ll wait for you,” you encouraged.

Aubrey thanked you, squeezing your hand before getting up and heading downstairs. Instead of going to the main concourse to wait, you stayed in your seat, waiting for the crowds to clear out before you moved. Pulling your phone out of your pocket, you started mindlessly scrolling as a distraction.

But your distraction didn’t last for long.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

Your eyes slipped shut when you heard his voice, that same voice that left you weak in the knees. You immediately felt your heart begin to race and your palms sweat. You felt caught. After taking a moment to pause, you finally mustered up the courage to look up at him.

Nolan’s eyes were focused on your own, his hair slicked back and soaking wet still with sweat. He had definitely not showered yet, between the fact that the game just ended minutes ago and his appearance. He was dressed in his undergarments and slides, clearly he wasted no time before coming up here to find you.

“How did you even know I was here?” you questioned back, already feeling yourself on the defense.

“Really?” Nolan scoffed, “Travis told me. How else would I have known? It’s not like you talk to me.” He trailed off, his words becoming quieter.

“Nolan, please,” you pleaded, “Please sit down.”

There was no doubt in your mind that it was time for you to come clean. You could see the pain in his eyes and the hurt behind his voice. He obliged, sinking to sit in the seat beside you, but he didn’t turn to face you. His coldness was evident, and you knew that you deserved nothing else.

“I’m sorry,” you began, “I’m so sorry, Nolan. I- I shouldn’t have left like that, with no explanation-”

“I thought I had you,” he interrupted, “Finally, Y/N, after all those weeks of tiptoeing around it, I thought we were done pretending.”

You could feel the tears burning behind your irises, and it was taking everything within you not to let them out. Nolan’s words broke you, even more than you were already broken.

“Nolan, I wanted- I want,” you corrected yourself, “Nothing more than to give myself to you, but I- I just can’t. I’m not ready.”

“Then why did you sleep with me?” his voice cracked, “And what does that even mean, ‘you’re not ready’?”

“I can’t let myself get hurt again, okay? I can’t do it,” you sighed, finally succumbing to your emotion, “I am so sorry for dragging you into my mess, but I can’t let myself go through that again. And you deserve so much better.”

Your head fell to your hands, hiding your face from him as you cried. Even just speaking out loud your last heartbreak made you a wreck. Deep down you knew Nolan wasn’t capable of hurting you like that, but you wouldn’t let him take care of you anymore. You couldn’t. He deserved someone who didn’t need to be taken care of.

“Y/N,” Nolan hummed, gently placing a hand on your back. He cringed when you jumped at his touch. “Y/N, look at me, please.”

You did as he asked, your red, puffy eyes lifting to meet his baby blues, putting you at ease almost right away.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Nolan murmured, “I don’t know what you think, but you’re not a burden. You’re the complete opposite and I want to show you that. If you’ll let me.” He paused, his eyes frantically scanning your face for any sign of your reaction. You were staring ahead of you, entranced with the ice below as you processed his words. Despite knowing how much it could potentially hurt, Nolan said what he thought he had to, “Even if it’s just as friends, but you can’t disappear on me again.”

You made Nolan feel at peace, like when he was with you nothing else mattered. But no matter how strong his feelings were, he cared for you enough to put them aside if that’s what it took to keep you in his life.

“I don't want to be friends,” you whispered, finally breaking the silence.

As if there was some kind of magnifying force between the two of you, your body lunged towards Nolan’s, your lips crashing together instantly. He was stunned, his body frozen in shock, but within seconds he melted against your touch with one hand on your lower back and the other tangled in your hair. It felt like time stopped in that moment, the only thing making you pull away was the lack of air.

You were both breathless, your foreheads resting against one another. Nolan took both of your hands in his, intertwining his much larger fingers with yours.

“I trust you,” you breathed out.

The grin that spread on Nolan’s face was like nothing you had ever seen before. You matched him right away, smiling as you watched the pure joy and relief wash over. The same joy and relief that you were feeling.

“Does this mean I finally get to take you out?” he asked, his deep mumble making you feel right at home again.

“Maybe,” you teased, “Only if you shower,” you added, pretending to push him off of you.

Nolan couldn’t help but fall into a fit of laughter at your subtle jab. That’s what he loved about you most, the way you could earn a smile or chuckle out of him like no one else.

He stood up from his seat, extending his hand out as he stared down at you. Without even a crumb of doubt creeping its way into your mind, you took his hand. Wrapping your arms around Nolan’s and resting your head against his shoulder, you walked out and into the hallway together.

Nolan leaned down and pressed a gentle peck to your forehead, and for the first time in longer than you could remember, you felt untouchable.

~

[mdoesitmatter]

You know what I love about aftg the most? English is my second language, so when I read it goes like this:

Omg, I understand every word, how coo—

And then Andrew Minyard opens his mouth

Like guy talks exclusively with B2.5-C1+ vocabulary or whatever sounds gayer, I guess…

[dirtydancingdean]

✨ fic recs ✨

ok so back in like 2014 i watched supernatural for a solid 3 years until they killed kevin and charlie and i got bored of the bmol storyline. now im here again let’s not talk about it. BUT during this time i accumulated a Lot of fic and in the past two months i’ve gone through all 213 of my bookmarks and gone through like every rec list made after s12 in order to read fic set during every specific season while i rewatch the show. because im insane <3 im on s8 rn and wanted to share my list of favourites from each season so far as well as my favourite aus ! they’re all generally nsfw so minors be careful, and also check the warnings ! and i will update this when i finish s15 <3

aus

asunder by rageprufrock (23.8k, e, background samruby)

obviously the most perfect thing to ever exist. 

and this, your living kiss by opal_bullets (56k, m, background saileen)

poet dean fic need i say more. part dean studies if dean studies was elaborated on lovingly in detail for 56k words, part gorgeous and beautiful poetry, part incredibly clever commentary on meta and fan allusions, and part stunning exploration of the relationships in the show turned on their heads.  

one white little lie by komodobits (11k, gen)

this is SOOO cute. cas is so embarrassing i was covering my face the entire time i was reading it. if u want to be cheered up. read this. 

broadway musical by griftings (12k, m)

this is genuinely sooo funny. big “castiel did you fuck the michael sword” energy and jimmy novak as that “am not against gays” tweet, plus jo <3

c-s-t-l by komodobits (90k, m)

i haven't read this in a while but from what i remember it was incredible and also had cassie <3 

rest is under the cut because it got long fhjfkfklf

pre-series/season 1-3*

a turn of the earth by microcomets (time travel, 95k, standford era, m)

i think everyone’s read this at this point but if u haven't. what are u doing. go read it. it’s absolutely everything i reread it in the week before the finale without remembering half of the stuff it talked about and i was a WRECK. if u think about standford era dean every day read this. cas punches john winchester in the FACE. 

geography by aeli_kindara (3k, teen and up, warnings for discussion of rape/non-con and prostitution)

not dean/cas but a really wonderful and needed conversation with sam and dean during 2x02.

season 4

so says the sword by komodobits (85k, e)

yeah. i dont need to say anything.  

consequences of falling by fayjay (37k, e, background samruby, warnings for rape/non-con)

THISSSS FIC. pls it’s perfect literally everything i wanted when i was watching s4 and obsessed with love as an act of worship + ruby and cas parallels. ruby and cas get drunk together! ruby says this: “dean and castiel sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes the fall from grace, then comes battling the hosts of hell and wishing that you’d managed to get your skinny ass laid before the freaking apocalypse”! what more could u want!

named by rc_machlan (94k, m)

literally the best fic in the world i am not going to say Anything if you love dean and angels and the mythology of s4-s5 that was promptly dropped, you absolutely have to read this.

four people ruby seduced & one she actually fell for (or: ruby's epic love affair with humanity in general and sam in specific) by tuesday (3.7k, e, samruby, ruby/jo)

this is more background deancas than anything else and does contain brief, not romantic in any way dean/ruby and dean/cas, but like. if u love ruby (which i do) u have to read this.

season 5

final fantasy by orange_crushed (1.9k, m)

endverse.....this made me want to die

the (mostly accidental) courtship of dean winchester by tuesday (11k, m)

a classic for a reason. really cute and soft and the handprint and cas beating dean up in 5x18 are angelic marriage rites. what more could you ask for.

the girlfriend experience by rageprufrock (15k, explicit)

of Course i mean of COURSE. thee s5 deancas fic.

strike me down and i’ll come back more powerful than you can possibly imagine by trinityofone (10k, gen)

post 5x22 dean and cas rescue sam from hell with the help of some special guests. PERFECT. the only valid good omens crossover.

season 6**

something stupid by zatnikatel (20k, e)

this broke my heart and put it back together. one of my favourite cas characterizations, takes place over s5-s6 and it’s just stunning. 

a crash course in someone else’s history by annie d (11k, teen and up)

s4 cas ends up in the body of cas in 6x20. fucking life-ruining.

season 7

make known by domesticadventures (16k, teen and up)

this is a really heartbreaking look at dean’s headspace near the end of s6 and throughout s7, and it’s really wonderful with a hopeful ending.

redemption road by a whole bunch of people (652k, virtual season, explicit)

oh boy. ok. know ur herstory ! this was written from 2011 to 2012 and it is thee s7 fic, a virtual season written by 17 fans all together. it’s very very long and it suffers sometimes from having being written a decade ago, but im making my way through it right now and it still fucking holds up. i really do recommend reading at least some of it, you can stop around halfway through and you should be fine.

season 8***

rinse, repeat by ias (3k, teen and up)

exploration of cas when naomi forces him to kill copies of dean and then his perspective in goodbye stranger.

my keeper by whelvenwings (5k, gen)

another goodbye stranger fic, this time with bonus artist cas!

though the course may change by imogenbynight (51k, e)

au after 8x23. i love this fic so much. dean accidentally ends up making himself have to go undercover with cas and pretend to be fake engaged. also, charlie and kevin. do i need to say more.

apres by imogenbynight (24k, e)

au after 8x23 where dean goes to find cas after the angels fall in paris 🥺

*i have found exactly one bela fic that i loved, and zero henriksen fics that i loved, so IF u have recs for those. i would appreciate that.

**mostly the s6 fics i read were uh...vampire dean fics...

***have found one (1) good dean/aaron fic but im still searching for the perfect purgatory crew fics 

[heart-strong]

The Anniversary

Summary: Spencer yells at transphobes for his kid that came out a year ago today.

WC: 1.1k

TW: transphobia, gross cishet white men (Rossi and Kevin) dead name mentioned but not actually said (ex: he deadnamed me, you deadnamed them) angry spencer swearing (let me know if I missed anything)

Spencer Reid/ Fem!Reader and enby kid

AN: So this was supposed to be the prompt "Father is asked whether their child is a boy or a girl continuously (and refuses to answer because it's no one's beeswax)" but I kinda got carried away and then kept it. This is my entry for @imagining-in-the-margins Fathers Day fic challenge!

This is for the kids/ people that have parents that don’t except them no matter how they identify. I love you. ❤️

read on ao3

not beta read.

———————

It's Friday afternoon, and Spencer is watching the clock as it ticks down hoping a case doesn’t come up when his trusty satchel starts vibrating on the floor.

“Hello, this is Dr. Spencer Reid,” he answers.

“Honey, do you even check the caller ID?” you answer, laughing at your husband's formal greeting.

“No. What's up darling, I’ve got one more hour until I'm free and we don’t have a case.”

“That's great!”

“Hey Reid,” your husband quickly turns around and looks to his unit chief. You can hear the rustle of his hair against the speaker. “I’m so sorry but we got a case.”

You can hear the news yourself. Shoulders slumping and looking across the table to your child Rowen.

“Hotch,” Spencer whines. “It's Rowen’s one year, are you serious?”

“I’m so sorry,” Hotchner shouts back as you reach for Rowen’s hand, tears already forming in your baby's eyes.

“(y/n) I’m sorry. Can you put Rowen on the phone?” Spencer sounds so defeated.

“Oh yeah here they are.” you hand the phone to the 13-year-old across from you. “It's your daddy, he wants to talk to you.”

Rowen grabs the phone, “Hi daddy.” they say meekly.

“Rowen, I am so freaking sorry I was so excited to celebrate with you and mommy tonight.”

“I understand, at least I got to have breakfast with you this morning.”

“Yeah, we had a great breakfast. I want you to know that you are so amazing and brave and I need you to know how great my life is with you in it. Seriously, the day your mommy told me she was pregnant I knew that I was going to have the best kid ever and I do.”

“Thanks, daddy.”

“No problem. I know you're just a kid, but you are the reason I do this. I am going to protect you until the day I die; you and your mom, I love you, and happy anniversary baby.”

“I love you too. Thank you, daddy. Can I ask you something?

“Yeah what is it?”

And the next thing that comes out of your child's mouth breaks both yours and Spencer's hearts.

“Can you tell Rossi and Kevin I don't have a gender again? Auntie Penny called and Kevin was with her so he asked me what the anniversary was for then said my dead name and that I’m just confused.”

Spencer wanted to kill Kevin Lynch with his bare hands. “Rowen, you are not confused and I will talk to him. Did he say this on the phone or did you just hear him asking Pen?”

“He just asked Penny and I don’t think she thought I heard. But I did daddy.” a sniffle. Spencer was fuming.

“Okay and I’ll also talk to Rossi. I haven't had to in a while but if it will make you feel better I will. Anything for you.”

“He texted me, ‘I don’t really understand all this but I think your dad would kill me if I didn’t say happy anniversary.”

“Are you serious? Rowen, baby can I talk to your mom. I love you very much.” Spencer heard the small ‘thanks’ and then the phone being passed off. “Did you know?”

“I didn’t know about Kevin, but they showed me the text.”

“Permission to deck both of them?”

“Please don’t get in a fight Spencer Reid.”

“But I want to.”

“You know your best weapon is your words.” you hear Spencer breathing deep. “Plus the image I have of you at work is that video JJ showed me when you were presenting a profile and you had to keep pulling your pants up because your gun was too heavy for your belt.”

“You know I switched to a revolver after that video got leaked.”

“Yes, but that was funny.”

“I’m glad. Does Rowan need anything? I can send a cake or books or something to make up for this.”

“No, the four you got them already is perfect.”

“Okay, put me on speaker then.” you move the phone on the table in between yourself and Rowan. “Alright, my loves, I’m off, don't worry about anything. I’ll talk to those two, and I will be home as soon as possible.”

“Love you, daddy.”

“Love you, Spence.”

Spencer hangs up the phone and grabs his satchel. Then runs into the round table room where the rest of the team was flipping through files.

“Pen, get your fucking boyfriend in here.” the satchel slams onto the table as Spencer yells.

“Um, Sure thing, Boy Wonder.” Penelope exists with a face mixed with terror and confusion. Spencer only swore if necessary, or he was angry enough.

“Whoa, kid, calm down.” Fucking Rossi, “what’s wrong with Lynch.”

“You know what, Rossi, shut the fuck up.”

“Spencer,” Hotch says in a tone that was only made to reprimand.

“Hey, everyone, I was summoned?” Kevin fucking Lynch, Spencer thought as the man entered with the most smart ass smirk.

“You and Rossi,” Spencer points at the two men, “Have lost talking privileges with my child! You two refuse to acknowledge their gender identity, and even worse Kevin, you dead named them and they heard! Of all days!”

“Now, Spencer.” Rossi stood up walking to him.

“No, Rossi, Rowan is my child, and I need to protect them. So what are you going to say? That gender is binary? That gender is genitalia? Because that is so fucking backward and disgusting because they are my child and you saying that you only wished them a happy anniversary so that I could be happy is awful! What about Rowan's feelings?”

The room was silent. When Spencer threw a party for Rowen a year ago a few days after they told their parents everyone came. Everyone but Rossi, sighting a new recipe gone wrong and getting food poisoning as why. Then he showed up the next day to work perfectly fine and they all realized they were working with a transphobe.

“That's what I thought. And Penny, please dump this man. I had to hear my baby say that he dead named them on the anniversary of them coming out.”

“Already done this morning!” she’s beaming. Spencer brushes off Emily shooting her head up and shocked face towards the pansexual and gorgeous Penelope Garcia.

“Great.” Spencer picked up the file and satchel. “Now Aaron, I am going home to my wife and child because those two made them cry. I will consult from home.”

Aaron nodded his approval and gestured for Spencer to exit.

Just as he arrived at the threshold, he turned around, staring right at Rossi. “ and I am 36; I have a wife and kid. Stop calling me ‘kid’.” and ran out the door, down the stairs, and out the doors of the BAU.

Waiting for the elevator, Spencer takes out his phone from his back pocket, he pulls up the group message titled “ The Lights of my Life ” and sends the message ‘I’m going to consult from home’. By the time he arrives at the bus station, he has gotten hundreds of heart emojis.

[altruistic-meme]

AFTG fic recs

Hi all! I just wanted to share some of my all-time favorite fanfics for aftg, for no real reason other than I want more people to read them and send their love to the authors :) 

Under a readmore because it got. A little long. But please enjoy!

WIPs

Dangerous Habits by LovelyLittleGrim ( @lovelylittlegrim )

Andrew has run into problems while on undercover jobs before. None of those problems were anything like the troublesome runaway that is one Nathaniel Wesninski

Aka: the fic where Andrew is undercover as a hitman for hire and Neil is the guy who hires him. Things get complicated from there.

Undercover Andrew? BAMF Neil? Hitman AU?? Absolutely. I’m in love. The story is just *chef kisses*

Chapters: 8/9

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence, past rape/non-con, Drake Spear (who is his own warning), Butcher Neil, 

--

Negotiations by elesary ( @elesary )

This is what Andrew Minyard knows: his brother is dead, killed by a petty Raven prince who has never learned to keep his hands off of Andrew's things. His brother's daughters are his responsibility, a job that is made infinitely harder when their shitty grandparents want custody. Nathaniel Wesninski is a liar, but he might be the only way to avenge Aaron and protect his nieces. All Andrew has to do is watch Nathaniels - Neil's- back as he carves out his own life and identity from everyone who thinks they own him.

Andrew has always been good at upholding his end of the bargain, has he finally found someone willing to uphold theirs?

This fic has got me fucked up, honestly. I’m emotional over it. It’s fantastic.

Chapters: 11/?

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence, attempted sexual assault, Butcher Neil,

--

the upper hand by plantelty ( @plantelty  )

Shortly after losing his mother, Neil arrives in the small town of Palmetto, South Carolina, alone in the world and with an impossible plan to carry through.

At the age of eighteen, Andrew ends up helping a boy stage his own death.

-

Just two fucked up boys learning to trust each other during the course of a summer, but also: multiple references to songs, twinyard angst (Nicky tries his best), The Plotting of Neil Josten's Gruesome Demise, and shit hitting the fan in a variety of ugly ways!

The cliffhanger has got me on the edge of my seat, but it is 100% worth the read and the wait for the last chapter!! 

Chapters: 10/11

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Canon typical violence, 

--

The Butcher’s House by Fire_Bear ( @fire-bear )

Andrew thought something was odd with the house the Foxes had to move into after their Athletes' House had been burnt down. He just wasn't prepared for what was actually wrong with it.

For this was a house full of monsters.

Ghost story! Ghost story! Ghost story! I literally think about this fic every other day, it’s fantastic. 

Chapters: 6/?

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Warnings: character death (major or minor is unclear), injuries, 

--

Promise of an Unbroken Boy by elesary ( @elesary​ )

Neil is caught by the police with Mary's burning body and is sent to juvie in Oakland where he is assigned to share a cell with one Andrew Doe, who promises him Exy, if only Neil will tell him all of his secrets. With no access to tinted contacts and hair dye, he agrees, it's only a matter of time until he's killed after all. What does he have to lose?

But Andrew's found someone who knows what a promise means, and he'll be damned if he lets that go without a fight.

Ngl this is definitely in my very top favorites -- I LOVE the idea of Neil and Andrew meeting pre-series, and this fic just BLEW my expectations for that plotline out of the waters

Chapters: 14/?

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence, Underage, attempted rape/non-con, canon-typical violence, 

~~~~~~~~~

Complete

The Nameless Monster by kanekicure ( @kanekicure )

Nathaniel Wesninski wants nothing more than to see his father dead and buried. But when his father promises him the title of The Butcher, Nathaniel quickly realizes that his destiny of following in his father's footsteps is closer than ever before.

So of course, when he gets forced to go undercover for the Baltimore police, he starts seeing what living could truly be.

-

Andrew Minyard is a newly recruited police officer for the worst precinct in Baltimore, who is dedicated on hunting down the notorious Butcher and his unnamed underling. But when Neil Josten is thrown into his midst as his civilian consultant; he starts to realize some things don't quite appear as they seem.

I love the story telling -- the secret identities, the plotting, everything.

Chapters: 14/14

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence, Butcher Neil, implied/referenced rape/non-con, implied/referenced child abuse, implied/referenced slef-harm (I believe there is a scene that is somewhat detailed on this subject), some characters also get drugged at one point, 

-- 

that’s just something people say by nanatsuyu ( @theoctopusnods )

Neil makes the mistake of stealing the wrong car. Andrew makes the mistake of offering a ride to a liar. They both make the mistake of turning the whole affair into a road trip ‘home.’

Gonna be honest; the summary does not give a big idea as to what is in store and i am SO GLAD I gave this one a try so i’m telling you that you will be too

Chapters: 24/24

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse, panic attacks (somewhat grahic descriptions of)

--

The Story After You by kanekicure ( @kanekicure )

Andrew Minyard does not understand how Riko Moriyama landed Neil Wesninski.

How the snot-nosed, small dick, rich brat, second son of the Moriyama family who also just so happened to own the largest EXY gear and merchandiser company in the world “RAVEN” - had landed smart mouthed, quick witted, stupidly blue eyed Wesninski, was beyond him. Well, unless Wesninski was a gold digger, but Andrew doubted it.

-

Or; how Andrew Minyard says he doesn't get into messy situations, until he meets Neil and suddenly he is in the most messiest possible situation ever imagined in his life - oh and also, he might be becoming a homewrecker.

Ok I am behind bc I haven’t read the final chapter of this but!! I love the story, it’s very emotional and moving, and I love the characterization in it.

Chapters: 10/10

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Abusive Riko/Neil, abusive relationship, implied/referenced rape/non-con, implied/reference child abuse, implied/referenced self-harm, graphic depictions of violence, some descriptions of injuries/scarring, 

-- 

This Complicated Life by 5a5b5p5 ( @andrewsbutterflyknife )

“This is exactly why I don’t want you and Andrew to meet,” Aaron says grumpily. “You two would get along far too well.”

Neil grins. “I just like pissing you off,” he says, “It’s not my fault your brother does such a good job at it.”

—

Neil doesn’t expect much from his Sophomore year of college, but when he becomes a waiter at the Palmetto Bistro, his life gets a whole lot more interesting. As it turns out, maintaining friendships new and old as well as navigating an interesting relationship with the head chef of the restaurant—who just so happens to be his best friend’s twin brother—is a lot more complicated than he’d thought it would be.

A much more light-hearted fic than most of the others! Includes a secret relationship, and also chef Andrew >>

Chapters: 10/10

Rating: Mature

Warnings: 

--

When I Fade, Keep Me in Your Memory by demesh 

Neil Josten has a secret: he can flicker out of existence.

He can vanish with the turn of a thought; click his fingers, and suddenly he’s not there anymore. Invisible and untouchable, he becomes a living ghost.

Having promised his mother never to let his ability go, Neil teeters the line between faded and real, a person and an echo. He can’t risk getting hurt.

But then, one day, someone sees him when they shouldn’t be able to.

 A (flower-shop) AU about how a faded and lonely Neil finds it in him to become someone real.

Another fic that I need to catch up on ;; but anyway it’s amazing and I love Neil’s ability in it, it’s so well explained and well-written about

Chapters: 12/12

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Warnings: mentions of past abuse, panic attacks

--

12 Ways to Woo a Minyard by NikNak22 ( @knickknacksandallthat )

Neil is a math nerd who, by a stroke of dumb luck, falls into a group of friends that are the closest thing to family he’s ever had. So, when he tells them about his new mysterious crush, he shouldn’t be surprised how immediately they come up with a plan to help win them over. One they insist that if Neil follows it, he’ll have them falling for him in no time. But things don’t always go to plan – or do they?

Nicky wants to set him up with someone else. Matt and Jeremy are confused but supportive. Allison and Seth offer lewd suggestions, while Dan does her best to keep everyone in line. Jean and Renee know something, Aaron doesn’t really care, and Kevin just wants Neil to join the lacrosse team.

But one thing’s for certain – whether Neil’s successful or not, everyone’s got money riding on this.

The romance-trope-filled fanfic of my dreams. Sometimes you just need a fic of pure joy -- this is that fic. 

Chapters: 14/14

Rating: Mature

Warnings: 

--

finders keepers by moonix ( @annawrites ​ )

Andrew meets Nathaniel through a scavenger hunt app. As their team takes part in a hunt that sends each of them to creepy, abandoned places alone to solve clues and gain points, Andrew and Nathaniel begin a little treasure hunt of their own. The anonymity of getting to know each other in small increments, never meeting face-to-face, allows them a level of intimacy neither are used to. Meanwhile Renee’s friend Neil is acting weird whenever Andrew shows up…

This was one of the first fics I read for aftg!! And BOY what a great start!! All of the little pieces and parts that work together, and just the scavenger hunt itself is fantastic! (I also REALLY wanna know if there is an app like this out there because I would be down to do that)

Chapters: 8/8

Rating: Mature

Warnings: (these all come from the author:) “mentions of historical abuse in a mental asylum, mentions of suicide, mentions of murder and kidnapping, morbid facts, creepy abandoned places including a haunted house at a theme park with disturbing rooms, special appearance of a creepy clown doll, fatphobia and some introspection on body image/complicated relationship with food, mention of self harm scars”

-----

Scared to Live (But I’m Scared to Die) by Major_816 ( @major816 )

Neil Josten goes to the Nest for Andrew, but he stays for a lot more.

~

"I'm sorry Coach," he muttered.

"For what kid?" Wymack shifted. "You've got to give me something to work with here."

Wymack watched the thin traces of sorrow as paper exchanged hands and he was looking down at a contract with the Edgar Allan Raven's.

"I signed them Coach, I'm sorry."

~

The one where Neil doesn't come back from Winter Break.

It is VERY dark, and is one of very few fics that I have actually been almost unable to read one of the scenes, so DEFINITELY pay attention to the warnings -- both these, and the ones provided for each individual chapter. I did go through the fic to collect as many warnings as I could find in the chapter warnings, but be sure to take care of yourself.

Chapters: 36/36

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: rape/non-con elements, implied/referenced rape/non-con, discussions of rape/non-con, canon-typical violence, graphic descritions, physical abuse, panic attacks, descriptions of injuries (often graphic), psychological warfare, dissociating, psychological torture, physical torture, use of knives, alcoholism/alcohol abuse, pain-induced delirium, rape/non-con, emotional self-separation, suicidal ideation/thoughts of suicide, emotional distress (which sums up the whole fic and also me while reading it), handcuffs/chains used as restraints, referenced/implied abuse towards animals, vomitting, begging, excessive use of painkillers, drowning, waterboarding, physical restraint, mutilation of an animal, mild hallucinations, non-con drugging, sleep deprivation, starvation, humiliation, the Butcher, 

Also one of the first fics I read and 100% my absolute favorite fic!!! Which is adfjhsd a little worrying, considering, but it is what it is. Anyway. This fic absolutely wrecked me, and while it is technically complete, there is a sequel in the works! So! But I am so so excited for the sequel, and I am working on rereading this. It’s amazing. 1000/10.

[blossom-hwa]

Stardust - CHANGMIN

So like. This was the first full scenario I wrote for TBZ and I can’t believe I wrote this before actually even STARTING No Air, but whatever! It was cute! I couldn’t help myself but I didn’t want to post this before No Air so that’s why it’s late

Thank you to @deathbykpopboys for helping me put this scenario together! Honestly I don’t think I’d ever write anything without sunny hhhh she’s always so great with ideas <3

Pairing: Changmin x fem!reader

Genre: fluff, a little angst if you squint, teacher!au

Triggers: alcohol, cursing

Word Count: 2.7k

Changmin sometimes thinks you’re a little too perfect to exist.

TBZ Masterlist | No Air | Touching Stars | Breathe, and Live

Friday nights are always fun, for Changmin. Friday’s the last day of the work week and kind of blends into the weekend, and because he’s a schoolteacher, he (sort of) gets the weekend off. Sure, he might be making lesson plans or writing reports or doing other important, not fun things, but he also has his stolen moments for dance or shopping or things that he doesn’t have time to do during the week. He’s free, more or less.

The last Friday night of each month, though, Changmin enjoys the most, when he, Jacob, and Kevin meet up for cheap food and drinks. And as much as Changmin likes to wreak havoc on the lives of his fellow teachers (mostly by scaring the wits out of them with dolphin screams and horror movie masks), he really does enjoy their presence in his life and appreciates them for it.

They haven’t a missed a night so far, not since that time Jacob was out with the flu and Kevin had a family emergency. And even though Changmin’s definitely done and said some stupid (read: really embarrassing) things while under the influence, the pros of each night always end up outweighing the cons. So if Changmin wakes up the next morning with a hangover, well, that’s just a side effect of having some fun.

But sometimes he has thoughts. Thoughts that he’s repressed so well he might not even register them, but that exist nonetheless. And Changmin, sadly, is a truthful drunk. His thoughts come spilling out of his mouth, mostly unfiltered, whenever he’s had enough to drink.

And this week, Changmin has been having thoughts. Thoughts that he isn’t sure he wants to spill.

If he drinks, they’ll flood out. It’s the way Changmin works – he’s had enough experiences with alcohol and his brain that he knows what will happen. As he stares at the soju bottle on the table, he knows that if he drinks, he’ll probably regret it in the morning. Not necessarily because he’ll remember what he says – his memory tends to get a bit spotty even after a round of light drinking – but because Kevin definitely will.

Normally, Changmin would praise God for Kevin's ability to remember drunk things. Coupled with his inability to lie, it makes for so much potent blackmail. Sure, Kevin makes Changmin and Jacob swear not to talk about anything he said under the influence, but Changmin isn't an angel the way Jacob is. If it came down to it, he'd sell Kevin's secrets for a single corn chip and some entertainment.

(Okay, not really. But the point still stands.)

If he complained about this to people, they’d probably just laugh and say something about how Kevin is a precious pure meme, that he’d never sell out Changmin’s deepest thoughts for anything. After several years of working with him, though, Changmin knows better.

(He’ll just say that sometimes, Mr. Kev Kev isn't the happy-go-lucky meme-y little boy that everyone likes to make him out to be.)

So maybe Changmin shouldn't be drinking tonight. There isn’t necessarily a lot on his mind, but he’s been thinking of things that he doesn't want spilled just yet, and drinking will only make that possibility a reality.

Isn’t that what alcohol is for, though? To make those worries disappear, if only for a short while? The soju beckons at Changmin, even more so when Kevin actually opens the bottle. Eventually, he throws caution to the wind and fills his own glass.

It’s a clear night, mostly. A bit cloudy, but no sign of rain, and there’s a pleasant little breeze that feels cool against his cheeks. Sitting at one of the small tables outside of the restaurant, Changmin loses himself in the food and the conversation.

After an hour, Jacob decides he needs to leave because he’s supposed to meet with his family the next day and can’t get too plastered. Kevin calls him a noob while making a face, but Jacob, being the angel he is, just pats him on the head on his way out. Privately, Changmin thinks Kevin is much more of a noob than Jacob, but the alcohol hasn’t addled his mind enough to say that out loud just yet.

At some point, though, the world becomes pleasantly muddy. Changmin can register what’s going on at a distant level and he probably shouldn’t drink too much more, but he takes a last shot anyway, just as Kevin asks a slightly slurred “How’s life with Y/N?”

A stupid smile stretches across Changmin’s lips. “Kevin, oh my God, she’s perfect.” He grins, the breeze cool against his flushed cheeks. "She’s so beautiful, it doesn't make sense that we exist in the same world."

Kevin mutters something that sounds like "whipped" and "so soft."

Changmin is sure that if he were sober, he would've attacked his fellow teacher by now, but his tipsy haze is too pleasant to interrupt. He just wants to keep talking. "Kevin," he whines. "Pay attention."

"Okay." Face flushed, Kevin puts his chin on his fist. "'M listening."

"Y/N’s so beautiful." Dimly, Changmin is aware that he's just repeating himself, but he can't help it. The point needs emphasis. "Kevin, she’s so amazing. So much more amazing than me. So smart. Did you know Y/N knows like ten programming languages?"

Tipsily, Kevin shakes his head. "What... what's a program."

"Computer shit." Changmin plays idly with his shot glass. "Doesn't matter. So smart, so nice, so... lovely, Kevin. Y/N’s good at everything. She cuts fruit for me when I work late and make me go to sleep. She doesn’t know anything about dance and tries to help anyway. She works so hard and never takes anyone’s shit and she always knows when I need time alone or when I need comfort.” His mouth draws down into a slight frown. “She’s like... she’s like..."

Why is it so hard to come up with something to explain you? Your entire existence defies definition. How can he even find something comparable to the way you sparkle in his eyes?

Ignoring Kevin’s gaze trained on him, Changmin slumps over the table, eyes gazing out at the dark night. A few stars manage to glitter past the clouds and the piercing lights of the Seoul skyline.

Stars. Something tugs at the back of Changmin’s brain. Stars. Sparkly.

An image of your smile pops, unbidden, in his mind. Your bright eyes glimmer. Like stars.

Oh.

Stardust.

Yes, stardust.

You're like stardust, warm and gentle and... magical. Magical to the touch.

"She’s like." Changmin hiccups. "She’s like stardust, Kevin. Stardust. Perfect. Warm.”

A tear trickles down Kevin's cheek. Changmin has exactly two seconds to ready himself in his drunken haze before Kevin launches himself at his purple hoodie, loosely grasping at the soft cloth as he fully encases Changmin within his arms. "Ji Changmin," he sobs, muffled, "that is the most adorable thing I've ever heard you say."

Even sober, Changmin doesn't think he'd know what to say in response to that, so he just stays silent. It's not like Kevin would even hear him over the sound of his overemotional crying.

Anyway, Kevin's hug feels nice. Warm. Changmin doesn't think he needs to speak words at the moment, he's too comfortable. It's not the same as being in your arms, but he'll settle for it now. He burrows a little deeper into his friend's hold.

“You little child, you,” Kevin sobs into his shoulder. “You’re so sweet and small and warm, I can’t believe you exist.”

Changmin doesn’t feel like replying. There’s a bubble of something growing in his chest that he can’t entirely decipher right now, and his brain has focused on that. It’s some sort of emotion, he thinks. It doesn’t feel very pleasant.

His head gets pulled out of Kevin’s arms. He whines a little, annoyed by the lack of warmth, but he doesn’t really have the presence of mind to do anything but sit there limply as Kevin starts shaking him back and forth, still wailing about how “adorable his little Ji Changminnie is.”

The bubble keeps growing as Kevin keeps shaking him. It doesn’t feel like vomit – Changmin knows that sensation a bit too well – but it makes him feel a little sick. A little upset. The bubble feels suffocating, cold, but it also burns.

Not vomit. He doesn’t feel nauseous. But still unpleasant.

Kevin goes back to hugging Changmin into his chest, which soothes the bubble a little bit. The soft warmth of Kevin’s sweater smooths the burning and takes away the edge of the cold. But the bubble still stays as Changmin rocks back and forth in his friend’s hold, blankly trying to decipher the stupid emotion growing in his heart.

“There’s a bubble.” The words slip out of his mouth just past Kevin’s ear. “There’s a bubble in my chest.”

“Bubble?” Kevin pulls back slightly, flushed face confused. “What bubble?”

Changmin vaguely gestures at his chest as best he can with Kevin’s arms partially trapping his hands. “Here. Doesn’t feel good.”

Kevin’s eyes squint. “Need to vomit?”

“Nooooo,” Changmin whines. “Kevin, it’s a bubble.” He pauses. “Think it’s an emotion.”

He hears Kevin suck in a breath. “I can’t believe my precious little Scorpio child is finally feeling emotions,” the older boy says in a stage whisper, loud enough for at least the next two tables to hear. Changmin has enough presence of mind to slap him. “Hey!”

“It hurts.” Changmin’s lips pout deeper. “I don’t like it.”

“Aww, no, baby.” Kevin pats his head – a little too hard, but Changmin can deal with that. “Why does it hurt? What emotion is it?”

Changmin racks his brains for the word. It’s not a good feeling, so he tries to eliminate the good words as they pass through his mind. Not pleasant. Definitely not happy. Not calm, either.

Sadness? Maybe that’s part of it, but it’s not specific enough. Anger? Not really.

Fear?

Changmin isn’t scared of many things. He loves horror movies and thinks possessed dolls are cute, and it’s hard for anyone to really startle him. Fear is not an emotion that regularly appears in his repertoire.

But this time…

“I’m scared.” The two words slip out of his mouth, quiet, lonely. “’M scared, Kevin.”

Kevin pulls back again. “Changmin, you’re never scared.”

“I am now.” He purses his lips petulantly.

“Why?”

Unconsciously, the corners of his lips turn down even further into a blank pout. "Sometimes I think Y/N’s gonna leave. Slip through my fingers."

Even tipsy, Changmin can tell there are more tears welling up in Kevin's eyes. "But… you love each other?"

"Y/N’s stardust." Changmin's pout deepens. "Too perfect. She’s gonna realize that, that I'm not... I'm not good enough but she’s too nice to say that so she’ll just slip away." He hiccups again, feeling his cheeks burn with drink, fluttering his fingers loosely to make sure Kevin gets the point. "Like stardust."

Kevin remains silent for one, two, three seconds. Changmin takes that time to drain the last little bit of soju left in his cup.

Then Kevin nearly knocks the cup out of his hand when he literally grabs Changmin and forces him to curl up into his sweater, nose buried in the soft folds of cloth. “You beautiful, pure little child, you,” he coos, patting Changmin’s head (still a little too hard, but Changmin really doesn’t feel the need to deal with it right now). “You small little child. You poor, small child. Y/N is so in love with you, there’s no way she’ll ever leave.”

“Stardust,” Changmin reminds Kevin, words muffled into his sweater.

“Stardust,” Kevin agrees. “But good stardust. Gonna stay with you. Never going to leave.”

Changmin doesn’t remember much of what happens after that. He knows that they eventually pay for everything and Kevin’s partner picks them up (well, they were the one who was supposed to pick the two of them up. He doesn’t actually register the driver’s face, but Changmin hears Kevin calling them “love muffin, better than Beyonce,” so it’s probably them. He refuses to acknowledge any alternatives), but he’s too drunk and too tired to process anything else.

Somehow, he wakes up the next day curled up in his bed, forehead threatening to split from the dull pain. Mentally, he thanks himself for closing the shades before he passed out last night (or was it morning? He isn’t completely sure when he got home) so that the sunlight isn’t adding to his headache.

Get up, Changmin, he tells himself, summoning the strength to swing his legs out of bed. Step by step, he exits his room and slowly brushes his teeth before heading toward the kitchen for a bottle of water or something to get rid of the pounding in his head.

Changmin’s so out of it that he doesn’t register the smell of something cooking wafting out of the kitchen before he’s almost in it. He finally stops, confused, just in time to see your head poke out from the kitchen entrance.

For a second, Changmin just stares at you, brain buffering as he tries to come up with a suitable greeting in his hungover state. There’s this look on your face that Changmin’s muddled mind can’t seem to decipher.

Oh, God.

You look like you’re about to cry. 

He panics. What did he do wrong? Did he say something bad last night? He can’t remember anything – how badly did he screw up, what the hell did he do –

Then you leap at him, much the same way Kevin did last night, and bury your face into his shoulder.

“Ji Changmin,” you say, words muffled into his rumpled shirt, “I love you so much.”

Changmin’s mouth can only come up with a confused “huh?”

You pull back, eyes shining with tears, but mouth stretched into a beautiful, beautiful smile. “Don’t tell me you don’t remember what you told Kevin last night,” you say teasingly, though there’s a hint of uncertainty in your gaze.

Slowly, slowly, the events of last night begin to piece themselves together in Changmin’s brain. Every single stupid word he said to Kevin in his drunken stupor comes flooding back in one massive, jumbled mess.

He blushes.

“Ji Changmin.” You cup his puffy, red cheeks between your hands, voice trembling. “Listen to me. I’m not leaving. I’m not going anywhere. I’m not going to slip through your fingers and, fucking, I don’t know, fly away. Because I am not perfect, I am not stardust, but god, I – you’re perfect for me. You are good enough for me, more than good enough for me. You are perfect, and I’m staying here forever. You’re not going to be able to get rid of me. Understood?”

“But –”

“Understood?”

Changmin stares into your shining eyes. Even with you standing right here, hands cradling his face with the gentlest touch, he can’t quite believe you’re real and not just some beautiful figment of his imagination. Slowly, slowly, one of his hands rises to touch the fingers resting against his cheek. Just to make sure this isn’t a dream.

Solid. Warm.

Not a dream. 

This is real.

He nods dumbly, a stupid smile spreading across his face. “Okay.”

You crush him close again and this time, Changmin’s arms automatically move to wrap around your waist, pulling you flush against his chest. He can feel a few tears soaking into the fabric of his shirt as you hold him tight, so tight, and he smiles, one hand coming up to pat your back.

You’re here. You’re here, alive, solid, real. He can feel your warmth against his body, feel your hair tickling his skin.

You may be ethereal. You may be something completely out of this world, beautiful, divine. You may be sparkling, glimmering, brilliant in the morning sunlight. You may be made of stardust, something too perfect (he’ll fight you on that) to exist on earth.

But now, with you wrapped warmly in his arms, Changmin realizes that even though you may be stardust, that doesn’t mean you’re going anywhere.

A tear slips out of his eye as he smiles.

If you enjoyed, please don’t forget to reblog and leave a comment to tell me what you thought! Thank you for reading and have a lovely day <3

(1 reblog = 1 cheek pinch for changmin idk why I just think that’d be fun <3)