#kili: >:0

[wltsquareih]

Something something family dynamics pls let me indulge*

[sillylotrpolls]

Today's poll is about a NSFW topic (the logistics of Elvish weddings) and thus hidden behind the Keep Reading link.

If you didn't know, the physical act of consummation (aka sex) is all you need to get married as an elf. (You can also have a party and a ceremony and everything, of course, but it doesn't count if you don't consummate.)

Incidentally, this means Legolas is the only member of the Fellowship who is canonically 100% definitely for sure a virgin.

Question for fanfic writers: can you fake an Elvish wedding?

Warning: if you don't want to be depressed by weird sexism or squicked out by reading JRRT's specific thoughts on marriage, don't go digging too deep into this. The above is all you need to know about Elvish marriage to enjoy fanfiction, and trust me, it's all you want to know. (Besides, Tolkien did not to my knowledge address the "woke up married after a drunken night's revelry" trope so why even bother?)

[lordoftheringfan]

The sillies + my cat. Which i guess is still the sillies haha :)

[itsthemxze]

Kili was 0 to 100 and I can’t say I blame him

[ashoushou]

I write a fanfic so if bagginshield/samfro/kili x tauriel/thranduil x bard shipper want to read the prologue and wait for my pathetic ass to write the rest go ahead

[intxthevxid]

Starter Call

In preparation for returning after so long I'm putting out a starter call. I'm going to be dropping most of my current threads just because it's been so long. Unless it is brand new or plot heavy/needs to be resolved.

Randy Bradley - 0/? Lottie Matthews - 0/? Harley Quinn - 0/? - Stolas, Lisa, Verosika Samwise Gamgee - 0/? - Legolis, Kili, Fili Marceline - 0/? Gregory House - 0/? - Wilson Laura Kinney - 0/? - Logan James T. Kirk - 0/? - Bones Cirilla of Cintra - 1/? - Margot, Jaskier, Yen Karen Page - 1/? - Maggie, Matt, Bob

[coreofgold]

All right! Starter call for the event time! Time surely flew by; I didn't realize it was the 22nd tomorrow. Like and comment who you want a starter for and I'll send them.

Agatsuma Zenitsu: Going with Gu Xiang. He's just going to try and relax but ultimately still have anxiety because his superhearing has perks and setbacks (0/??)

Aloth Corfiser: Going with Kieran Hunter: While it's not books, Aloth can appreciate the artwork and looks forward to the atmosphere (0/??)

Anya Forger: Going with Diana. She might spend most of her time outside to not overload her powers but she'll be by the sweets, dancing, having fun. . .she just needs to dip and be alone every now and then (2/Carlos; Hiddendarkrosesx, Ally; devilsmenu)

Ban Yue: Going with Sailor. Ban Yue will have to be dragged around because she will be a wallflower. It's her pet snake Timothy that'll be having more fun wiggling around her wrist. (0/??)

Beelzebub: Going with Soo Oh. Security better grab this demon away from the food table, because it will be cleared out the moment he sets eyes on it. If he's dragged away from the food, he'll have a fun time. Though the artwork will make him hungry. (0/??)

Ding Tao: Going with Sprig Plantar. Baby boy is just so happy to be there. Sad he can't try alcohol but will be writing everything down and learning about art. He's never been to an art museum, so it'll be a treat.(2/Xiao Chiye; mvsicinthedvrk; Junwoong; devilsmenu)

Dizzy Tremaine: Going with Sam Maek Jong. Girl has already made her dress for the event and is going to have the best time dancing and being around people. Once she got used to parties like this, she's hooked. (1/Chad; devilsmenu)

GIR: Going with B.E.N. Don't be shy and dance with GIR! They'll be rocking the dancefloor. They'll be found by the food or wandering around (1/Dean; Hiddendarkrosesx)

Hua Cheng: Going with Xie Lian. They'll probably mostly stick with Xie Lian, but will wander around, annoy people he knows and making sure nothing happens to Xie Lian. (1/Xie Lian; mvsicinthedvrk)

Ignis Stupeo Scientia: Going with Yoo Chi Woo. He can't see really anything that's going on, but he's still going to have fun and dance in his spot or do whatever Chi Woo does. He doesn't like it too much but he's relying on them to be his eyes. (0/??)

James Evan Wilson: Going with Gregory House. Wilson will be mostly to the side, watching everyone and maybe wandering to see the art. Might be tipsy enough to dance or might be sober enough to ask House to dance with him. The world may never know which one he chooses (0/??)

Jin Xiaobao: Blind date with Patroclus. Him? Miss a party? Never in a million years would he do that. He is going to dress up in his best outfit and party hard! Though, he might be in an isolated place to recover since he isn't over the episode he had the night before, but as long as he's heated up he can suck it up. (0/??)

Julian Alfred "Jaskier" (Or Dandelion if your poetic) Pankratz: Going with Doom/Myeol Mang. He's another one that wouldn't miss it for the world. He's kind of sad he's not performing since he's written a few love songs, but it's okay because he can serenade is date or offer up his services to sing for couples. Will be dancing, drinking and making merriment (3/Yennefer; mischiefxmuses, Ali; devilsmenu, Ciri; intxthevxid)

Kaoru Sakurayashiki: Blind date with Stiles. He's there for business opportunities so he'll be mingling and trying to stick to the sides. It probably won't last, especially since he's on a blind date, but maybe it'll break him out of it and goes with the flow. (1/Stiles Stilinski; strawbrryrush)

Kaul Nikoyan: Going with Jake Long. He will definitely be participating in things and having fun, but he also likes to keep a level head and stay in the background sometimes to make sure things are good. (1/Kaul Lan; rcvcrics)

Kili Oakenshield: Going alone. If there's any other people who are going alone want to meet up with Kili that would be awesome! He will surely know how to party by drinking, dancing on tables and partyign up dwarven style. May or may not steal a painting just for funsies or to test security (0/??)

Lan Jingyi: Going will Belphie. He's going to try to behave but art doesn't do it for him. He might try to climb the sculptors if there is any, might poke the glass to see if it's real. He's bringing his sword because what do you mean he can't bring it? Have they seen how dangerous this place can be? Might cause chaos for fun either way, he's probably going to be hated by security. (1/Wei Wuxian; mvsicinthedvrk)

Lan Xichen: Going with Nie Mingjue. He doesn't know why, but parties now make him feel uneasy. It's not enough to not go, especially when he has Nie Mingjue by his side, but he's more inclined to just watch and drink the water. If he has any alcohol, even a little sip, it's game over. Boy will be drunk for the whole day since he doesn't remember he can use his core to dissipate it. (0/??)

Legolas Thranduilson: Going with Bloo. May or may not win a drinking contest by drinking a lot and being regal about it, but no one is there to stop him so why not. He's also going to be reigning in his partner who might be causing trouble, but he enjoys that (1/Iorveth; mischiefxmuses, Samwise; intxthevxid)

Lu Ten: Going with Jae Yoo. He's never been to a Valentine's Day party. Never even heard of it before so he'll be asking a lot of questions on it. He'll still be having fun btu he has no idea on the context (0/??)

Luo Binghe: Going with Shen Qingqiu. This man is obsessed with his husband and since it's Valentine's Day he is making it everyone problem with how much he loves him. Might be grumpy to be away from him but it's okay, he can still have fun. (0/??)

Maik Tarmingu: Going with Aedhan. He's going to lay back, have a drink, and remain calm, but he will fight if necessary and he'll also find Kaul Hilo if he can. He'll also be around Aedhan and learn to be somewhat calm and normal (1/Kaul Lan; rcvcrics)

Markl: Going with Max Lightwood Bane. He's having the time of his life learning about Valentine's Day and just having fun at the party. May or may not do some little magic just for funsies. Just to enhance the mood (0/??)

Shen Wei: Going alone. He's only going to feel more human and to make sure he doesn't need to be the Ghost Slayer and protect people. He might be persuaded to dance and have fun, but will mostly people watch (0/??)

Stolas Goetia: Going with Blitz. He's going to struggle to not drink and probably will get drunk and drown his sorrows. He doesn't even remember being poor and kicked out or anything. He's just not doing well, and this party might be a distraction or make things worse. So, someone please distract him (3/Cordelia; Mischiefxmuses, Beetlejuice; Hiddendarkrosesx, Satana; devilsmenu)

Taka: Going with Apollo. He's just vibing, looking around at the art, enjoying the company really. He's hoping to enjoy the calm before something happens. (1/Reid Oliver; nightwhispcrs)

Wen Ning: Going with Danny Fenton/Phantom. He's just so happy to be going with a boyfriend. He's never had one and will let Danny take the lead. He's not as nervous around people anymore, but sometimes he can get that way, especially since sometimes he jingles from the chains (0/??)

Xiao Xingchen: Going alone. This will be hard for him since he also can't see what's around him, but that's not stopping him from enjoying the atmosphere and having the best time he can. He just needs his sword he uses as a cane, and he will be asking people how things look (0/??)

Zhang Chengling: Going with Louie Duck. He's just going to be having fun and dancing, seeing what the art museum has to offer. He's not a wallflower but he's not going to bust in either. He'll slip in, dance and slip around. Like a ninja (0/??)

[gatheringfiki]

Hello, hello!

As promised, we will try to run a Durin’s Day Gift Exchange again this year, provided we get a minimum of 10 people signed up :) If we can’t get enough people, we’ll likely have a break until the Trick or Treat Event.

Now, according to this source, the Durin’s Day this year falls on the 3rd of October. What a perfect opportunity to make someone’s day, we thought!

The Plan:

We’re looking to pair up fanartists (including graphics/edits makers) with fanfic authors

If you sign up, you will be expected to create a gift for your partner: either as a part of a joint collab or based on their existing works (art or fic)

If you decide to do a collab, it has to be a brand new idea (not an existing verse), which the two of you will work on together, one writing, the other doing the art for it.

If you decide to base your gift on your partner’s existing work, you can pick anything they published so far. You will have a month to familiarise yourself with their works and create your gift. As a bonus, your own work gets some extra exposure too :)

Guideline effort required: we suggest minimum around 3.5k words and ah, equivalent in artwork. (How do you quantify artwork?!) Like, decent stuff, folks.

Whatever you create is kept a secret until the 3rd of Oct (i.e. Durin’s Day), when everyone posts their gifts.

Tag your creations #Durin’s Day 2024 (with spaces) and we will reblog it

Please Note:

You agree that someone else creates something based on your work. Could be a spin-off, fanart, little story, graphic etc. But basically it’s somebody else’s interpretation of your universe.

We accept all the usual pairings (i.e. Fili/Kili or any fictional pairings based on Dean’s and Aidan’s characters). We’ll do our best to accommodate pairing preferences, but if we can’t, we’ll contact you.

The worst thing that could happen with this event is if multiple people drop out throughout. Whilst we understand that RL > fandom, please keep in mind that someone else is creating something based on your work and will be looking forward to it just as much as you are. Please keep your partner and us updated with your progress.

Dates:

24 - 31 Aug (ish)  - Both Artist and Writer signups open

31 Aug - Pairs are assigned at random and published in a post

3rd Oct - You post your gifts for each other, we reblog them

We will go ahead if we get a minimum of 5 artists and 5 writers signed up.

Sign ups:

To sign up, please send us an ask.

Yes, both artist sign ups and writer sign ups are open immediately, as of right now, simultaneously. Go forth.

This event is on a first come, first served basis, so please sign up as soon as you can

We always tend to have fewer artists than writers, so an extra pretty please to those of you who are thinking about it. If we get 10 writers and 0 artists, this event will not go ahead.

As always, please let us know and give us a shout if you have any questions!

Please reblog, to see if we can find more folks to join us!

~gatheringfiki

[letthewhumpbegin]

Who / what fandoms I write for

Here's an overview per fandom which characters I write for.

You can make a request for a fanfic through HERE (I only take requests from my prompts list).

You can find my full writing masterlist HERE.

List with fandoms / characters I write for below the cut.

WHO / WHAT FANDOMS I WRITE FOR:

911: Eddie Diaz , Evan Buckley

Aladdin (2019): Aladdin

American Assassin: Mitch Rapp

The Batman (2022): Bruce Wayne

Blacklist: Donald Ressler

The Boys: Hugh Campbell

Bullet Train: Tangerine

Criminal Minds: Spencer Reid

CSI: Greg Sanders

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them: Newt Scamander, Theseus Scamander

Game of Thrones: Jon Snow

Gladiator II: Lucius

Hannibal (TV series): Will Graham

Hawaii Five-0: Danny Williams, Steve McGarrett

The Hobbit: Fili, Kili, Thorin, Thranduil

House MD: Robert Chase

Inception: Arthur

James Bond (Daniel Craig era): Q

John Wick movies: John Wick

Jurassic World: Owen Grady

Justified: Raylan Givens, Tim Gutterson

Kingsman: Eggsy Unwin

Kraven the Hunter: Sergei Kravinoff / Kraven

The Last of Us: Joel Miller

MacGyver (2016): Angus MacGyver

Maze Runner: Thomas

Moon Knight: Marc Spector, Steven Grant

Mr. Robot: Elliot Alderson

The Night Agent: Peter Sutherland

Night at the Museum movies: Ahkmenrah

Now You See Me: Daniel Atlas

Olympus Has Fallen: Mike Banning

The Purge movies: Leo Barnes

The Recruit: Owen Hendricks

Shadow & Bone / Six of Crows: Jesper Fahey, Kaz Brekker, Wylan van Eck

Shadowhunters: Alec Lightwood, Jace Wayland

Sherlock (BBC) - Sherlock Holmes

Spiderman (Tom Holland era) - Peter Parker

Squid Game: Hwang In-ho, Hwang Jun-ho, Seong Gi-hun, Thanos

Star Trek: Jim Kirk

Star Wars: Poe Dameron

Supernatural: Sam Winchester

Top Gun Maverick: Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw, Jake 'Hangman' Seresin

Twisters (2024): Tyler Owens

Uncharted (movie): Nathan Drake

The Walking Dead: Daryl Dixon, Glenn Rhee

Wednesday: Tyler Galpin, Xavier Thorpe

Wonka: Willy Wonka

[asharpglance]

Carrd - asharpglance

ROLEPLAY ACCOUNT

Mun; Toby, They/Them, 30s, UK

Multimuse account : @promisesofstone

(There you can find Kili, Legolas, Radagast/Aiwendil, Elurín, Finarfin, Finrod, and Lindir)

Celebrimbor account : @fallensmith

Regarding Maeglin and OC's

My iteration of Maeglin, in general, will not have children. This blog will not be interacting with OCs, who are children of Maeglin. Sorry! Sibling OCs, discuss with me first, and I'm a bit finicky with that sort of thing. So far, I've only plotted with @ondothlim for Ithril (and that's not for canon verse).

I'm happy to rp with other OCs, but dm me to clarify connections.

Tags (when I remember to use them)

#maeglin // appearance - images etc

#rp memes - self explanatory

#twilight tales - headcanons etc.

Various verse # see carrd

art by @ asinoeiv

dividers by @ zaldritzosrose

See below cut for guidelines, shipping rules etc.

GUIDELINES

1. I'm a teacher and as such have precious little energy and spare time. As such, I can be slow to reply. If you do not have the patience for that, I advise you do not seek to write with me.

2. Don't be an asshole, I've long lost patience for people being rude or arrogant.

3. I will not engage with minors. If you are under 18, do not write with me.

SHIPPING

1. I am open to shipping Maegs, but there must be chemistry. I can't force a ship, and I won't try to be honest. My Maeglin is very gay but highly closeted. To date, my iteration has shown 0 interest in women (he thought he fancied Idril, but it turns out he misunderstood his feelings and then just tried to save face). I've also yet to write him in a ship where he takes the more dominant role, but this isn't by design, so who knows? Nothing is impossible.

2. Ships must be established first, please don't use any nsfw prompts unless we've established a ship.

3. I will not tolerate rp bleed. Hoping this isn't as prevalent as it used to be, but I'm married irl and while I'm happy to ship characters, this does not mean you and I are involved.

4. Not massively shipping related but adjacent? No, my Maeglin does not have children and never will. Not interested in going down that path for him.

[ginger-and-all-things-spice]

Middle Earth vs Hunger games Simulator!

Day 1 Highlights:

Thranduil grabs a sword (ofcourse he does)

Galadriel and Radagast fight for a bag, radagast gives up

Celeborn grabs a backpack not realising its empty

BILBO breaks BALIN'S NOSE for a basket of bread

Pippin kills frodo!

Aragon stalks Faramir?

Saruman stabs Haldir with a tree branch...

Kili chases Tauriel

Elladan falls out a tree, killing Bilbo and himself (RIP KINGS)

EOMER KILLS LEGGY :(

Thranduil hunts for Tributes

Gandalf kills Galadriel :0

deaths: Fili, Balin, Boromir, Frodo, Haldir, Elladan, Bilbo, Legolas, Galadriel. (RIP)

Day 2:

Radagast, Eowyn and Pippin sing songs together

Bombur Extinguishes the line of Oropher :(

Thorin steps on a landmine...

deaths: Thranduil, Oropher, Gil Galad, Gandalf, Celebrian, Celebron, Dwalin, Thorin, Tauriel.

Day 3:

Pippin chases Kili

Arwen sprains her ankle running away from Elrohir

Elrond gets killed

Radagast Picks flowers

Radagast dies from Tracker jacks

Gimli, Pippin and Arwen dont survive the murder bees :(

Deaths: Eomer, Faramir, Elrond, Bard, Radagast, Thingol, Merry, Gimli, Pippin, Arwen

Day 4:

Eowyn dies from Hypothermia :(

Elrohir kills Aragorn!

Bombur stabs sam in the back

Elros and Elrohir work together for the day (Family bonding)

Deaths: Eowyn, Aragorn, Sam

Day 5:

ELrohir kills Saruman

Deaths: Saruman

Day 6:

Kili kills ELrohir

Deaths: Elrohir

Day 7:

Kili convinces Bombur to snuggle with him

Bombur kills Elros

Kili mistakes Bombur for a bear and kills him

Deaths: Elros, Bombur

KILI WINS

[diversegaminglists]

Games I finished in 2024

Been sick a lot this year.

Battle Chef Brigade

At Home Alone Final

Deep Sleep Trilogy

Broccoli Quest

Bunflower

The Life and Suffering of Sir Brante

In Fear I Trust - Episode 1: Waking Up

The Door

The Sinking City

Yakuza Kiwami

Tomb Raider 1 Remastered

Nancy Drew: The Haunting of Castle Malloy

Tomb Raider Remastered: Unfinished Business

Dystopicon

Regency Solitaire 2

The Inheritance of Crimson Manor

Afterimage

Fighting Fantasy Classics: The Citadel of Chaos

Tokyo Dark

Terraria

Toem

Crossroads

Doronko Wanko

Eye 4 Eye

Adapta Solva

Illum

Faded Grey

Last Seen Online

Scholar's Mate: First Move

Fate of Dynasty

Final Fantasy 7 Remake

The Test: Secrets of the Soul

Eragon's Tale

The Lancaster Leak - O'Brien State Park

The Lancaster Leak - Crisis at Call Centre

The Lancaster Leak - The Entity Exam

Final Fantasy 7 Remake – Intermission

Alien Squatter

Numen: Contest of Heroes

Thanatos

La Villa de la Muetre

Littlewood

Paper Bride

Paper Bride 2: Zangling Village

Paper Bride 3: Unresolved Love

Long Time No See

Quest for the Golden Candelabra

Loddlenaut

Chex Quest HD

The Suits Have Gone Mad: Chapter One

Little Kitty, Big City

Untitled Goose Game

Kili's Treasure

Paper Bride 4: Bound Love

We Become What We Behold

Tales of Kenzera: Zau

Final Fantasy (Pixel Remaster)

Paper Bride 5: Two Lifetimes

Manor Madness

Choice of Life: Middle Ages

I hurt myself

Shalnor Legends: Sacred Lands

How We Know We're Alive

He Fucked the Girl Out of Me

Amanda the Adventurer

Press Any Button

Still Wakes the Deep

Wizzerd Quest

Adventure Escape Mysteries: Hidden Ruins

Underground Blossom

Boo's There

Blood Orange

System Shock Remake

Vera Blank and the Full Moon

Light Borrower

Boxes: Lost Fragments

Steel Rising

The Operator

Gravitas

Gordian Rooms: A curious heritage

Crime Scene Cleaner

High on Life

Mermaid Swamp (Remake)

Black Skylands

Hellhole Game

The Morning Star

My Eyes Deceive

Digital Exorcist: Case 0

Supraland

Bugsnax

Paranoiac (Remake)

Depth Hunter 2

The Little Mermaid: Magic in Two Kingdoms

7 Wonders: The Treasures of the Seven

7 Wonders II

That's Mahjong!

Flip Witch: Forbidden Sex Hex

Astalon: Tears of the Earth

Shadowbringer

Alwa's Legacy

Harmony's Odyssey

Cope Island

Little Farm

Visage

Summerland

Overloop

Floodcore

clap clap

Inversed

Fable: Anniversary

Dragon Age: Veilguard

mouthwashing

[lordoftheringfan]

here's a little smth silly :)

[sunnyrosewritesstuff]

Okay, so I've decided to do Fic Rec Fridays at the end of the month now that I've been keeping a fanfic reading log. Guys. I've read A LOT of fic this month. 😅 Okay so I think the best thing is to organize this by rating and then word count. Please note that this is a pure reading log so I'm just listing fic, author, and small "what it's about".

For August I Read:

397,333 Words

20 Fics

17 Authors

Rating G:

AU-gust Mashups by @ahufflepuffhobbit- Short BOTFA fix-it with an ill-timed confession. Let's face it, this is how we all wanted to see BOTFA end.

Love Makes You Blind by thorinsbeard- Small little oneshot where Bilbo thinks Thorin is blind and can't stop staring. It had me rolling when Thorin told Bilbo he's an underwear model.

Mr Underhill's Finest Seafood Specialities by @nocompromise-noregrets- Oneshot from Frodo's POV as famous food critic, Thorin Oakeshield, arrives as his uncle's restaurant. All the interactions between the characters were fun as well as seeing Bagginshield through Frodo's eyes.

Teach Me Your Ways by airebellah- Multi-chapter story with refugee Thorin struggling through English, but he meets Bilbo who accepts him as he is. Honestly, super fluffy fic with lots of family moments that I really wish there was a sequel, but accept it as is.

Rating T:

Drawn by thorinsbeard- Oneshot where Bilbo stumbles upon some NSFW versions of himself in another cafe patron's sketchbook (in an uncreepy way). Will hope and anticipate a smutty sequel.

Prize Enough for Me by StrivingArtist- Two-shot with Bilbo chasing after Azog after believing he killed Thorin to enact his revenge. I'm always here for some BAMF Bilbo.

When Darkness Shines Brightest by @lordoftherazzles- Multi-chapter Hades/Persephone take. The introspection of Thorin's character blows me away in this fic.

Rating M:

How to Beat Gold Sickness by Epoxide- Cute oneshot where Fili and Kili decide that announcing that Bilbo is pregnant with Thorin's child will shake the gold sickness. Now I just need the sequel where Bilbo says that it's actually true.

Dating Blind by badskippy- Jealous waiter Thorin does sabotages Bilbo's blind dates. This was just perfect, and yes, Thorin does make up for it.

Sparks & Gardens by @fantasyinallforms- Down on his luck Thorin manages to get the best deal of his life when he becomes gentleman Bilbo Baggins handyman. Look, regency is normally not my taste, but this fic does such a good job of just making that the setting and not necessarily the theme (if that makes sense).

The Kitchen Thief by @mordellestories- Multi-chapter Tolkien AU (?) where Thorin still has dwarven blood but can get by with appearing as a human baker in a time where anyone else is treated with discrimination. I will forever be laughing at Bilbo's "oh no, it's the nutty baker" comment.

Stranded by @tickles-ivory- Multi-chapter AU where Thorin and Bilbo live in separate universes but find each other. Honestly, super cute concept and execution with fun "slice of life" chapters at the end.

My Love's a Noble Madness by silverneko9lives0- Bilbo works at an insane asylum where Thorin is a patient who thinks he's in love with him. Okay, I have to say that the tags on this had me scared for A LONG time, but there's actually 0 non-con after Thorin gets medicated and you find out the fucked up situation they find themselves in the beginning is all Azog/Sauron/Melkor's fault.

Rating E:

Look At You by thorinsbeard- Bilbo uses the ring to sneak into Thorin's room, accidentally witnessing the dwarf king masturbating. This fic is so hot and honestly another that I would 100% read a sequel for.

Evening Interlude by paranoid_fridge- Bilbo and Thorin have an evening to themselves for bondage fun. Seriously though, if you're wanting a fic with some heavy bondage kinks, this is the perfect fic.

If You Lend a King a Hand by Cranbear- Bilbo assists Thorin out in the woods, and they have come to an understanding regarding future engagements. Look, I just know this fic is going to checkmark some kinks for me and dom!Bilbo is just an added bonus.

Through the mist (I find you) by @consultingpacha- Thorin has developed amnesia after the events of BOTFA, and Bilbo returns to discover this as well as the fact that he's engaged. Guilty smut and angsty feelios galore (though we are promised a happy ending)!

Fuck Thy Neighbor by @lordoftherazzles- Thorin and Bilbo accidently got married in Bree after one drunken mistake and have now ended up as next door neighbors. This is the type of romcom shenanigans that I am 100% here for, featuring Roac tormenting Lobelia in this newest chapter!

Unrated:

the legend by Ineedtherapy (gethelp)- Bilbo thinks he's still banished and the Company thinks he's dead, and once this misunderstanding comes to light, Bilbo decides to travel with the returning caravan from Ered Luin. Bilbo probably dragged this out longer than necessary, but we're finally to the point where he reveals himself, and I need to know what happens next.

[awisetoad]

Bombur & Kili are the real wizards of the company.

Bear with me.

There are 3 questions that have plagued me for a while, that have always seemed unrelated:

Why did it take the company so much longer on ponies to travel than it took Frodo & the Gang?

Is Kili really an archer?

What did the company eat?

Now I realize that they are very related, and the first two can pretty much be answered by the last one.

What do dwarves eat?

Meat, obviously, and according to Tolkien Gateway they prefer to trade with Men (and Elves, at times) instead of bothering with agriculture themselves. Also, they don't really mount ponies or have relationships with animals (as in, no pets). But, that doesn't mean they have 0 animal husbandry whatsoever.

It also makes sense that they'd eat mushrooms, and probably cave fish too.

That is, of course, prior to the sacking of Erebor.

Being a wandering people probably fundamentally changed their relationship with food. They now have little to no wealth with which to barter and must rely on skills to trade for food. I don't think it's unreasonable to think that they probably picked up new skills in order to support themselves here.

Fishing they probably had down pretty well, but I'd bet money they had to learn to hunt and trap and forage from Men during their wandering days. This is probably where Thorin learned to shoot, given he's a guy who seems to do literally anything his people need. Makes sense that he'd teach his nephews this valuable skill. Thus, I don't think it's unreasonable that Kili's bow would be used almost exclusively for hunting instead of for war.

By the time they're settled in Ered Luin, I'd wager they are more stable than when they were wandering but still not quite back to the Erebor days. We know the Blue Mountains are poor in precious metals and gems, and there doesn't really appear to be as many settlements of Men nearby to trade with (and we know Thorin hates Elves, so they're probably out).

Thus, the caravans Kili spoke of during his conversations with Tauriel probably come into play. I imagine caravans of working dwarves crossed Eriador regularly with wagons full of what they have to sell, trading their skills, maybe doing "thrift flips" with unwanted junk, all in hopes of being able to stock up Thorin's Halls before the winter. Hunting to feed the caravans as well as trading whatever pelts and animal products or foraged goods from these learned skills is probably helping them a lot, and wouldn't be a skill to scoff at. I bet lots of dwarves who couldn't practice their old trade would pick up one of these new skills as a side-gig.

It also is a handy skill when feeding 13 dwarves on a months-long secret journey across the planet. Because, oh boy, Kili has his work cut out for him.

How much does a dwarf eat?

I'm using the Dwarrow Scholar numbers for height & weight. The average Longboard is 5' 1" and weighs ~170lbs. I am also ignoring Bilbo and Gandalf for the purposes of these calculations.

I'm looking for nutritional requirements for a strongman or powerlifter, thinking that would equate to the kind of lifestyle the average dwarf lives. Bodybuilder.com suggested lifters should aim for 1.2 grams of protein per pound of body weight, 1.4 grams per pound of carbs on training days (half that on rest days), and 0.24 grams per pound of fats (which I don't really care about for our purposes).

Using those numbers, we're looking at 204g of protein and anywhere between 119–238g of carbs (I'm picking 175g as a nice middle ground), and 40g fats (which again I don't really care about) for a single dwarf, per day.

This means that the entire company needs to come up with 2652g of protein and 2275g of carbs daily.

…which is a totally meaningless number until you put it in perspective.

A Quick Baseline*:

*these numbers are from a half-assed google

Beef & Chicken have roughly 8g of protein per oz, which we'll use as a rough guideline to follow for various types of game

Your average potato has 25g of carbs, while a carrot only has 6g

There are 45g of carbs in 1 cup of brown rice

This recipe for whole wheat sourdough has 36 servings, and at 18g of carbs per serving, totals 648g of carbs for the loaf

A Guide to Game:

I got these numbers by googling around on some hunting sites to see how many pounds of edible meat are produced by various types of game, which I then converted to ounces.

the average squirrel has roughly 8oz of edible meat

a rabbit might have anywhere from 16-32oz of edible meat

ducks produce 48-80oz of edible meat

it's not unreasonable for a buck to yield 58lbs of meat and a doe to yield 44, which translates to 928 & 704oz respectively

a wild hog that weighs 100lbs might yield 35lbs (or 560oz of meat)

the weight of an adult bass is 12lbs, and the internet says a 1lb trout produces ~7oz of meat so maybe we can bullshit that an adult fish is 96oz of edible meat?

IN CONCLUSION

So let's put all of this into theoretical perspective, shall we?

> Kili would need to hunt at least 41 squirrels, 10 rabbits, 4-7 ducks, 1 deer, 1 boar, or 4 good-sized fish every single day. > Bombur has to cook all of that, and either bake 6 loaves of bread, cook 26 cups of rice, or 65 potatoes.

Holy shit, no wonder it took them so long to get anywhere.

Keep in mind that these quantities assume we have enough to maintain their weight, and I only calculated edible meat. Game has a bunch of other valuable parts like pelts, carcasses to make stock, and organs that are either useful or edible.

Also, remember that at many points in the story the dwarves come close to starving (I can see why, god damn). They better be really good at foraging for some kind of carb, starch, veggie, what-have-you because they need a lot of it.

I intend to follow up with an exploration of what they might've foraged to supplement, as well as a few likely meals or menus that take these things into account. So, stay tuned.

[mommysmilk]

top 5 character design tropes or personality traits?

(like something you see in an unfamiliar character that makes you go "oh no, that might become my favorite :0" (if that makes any sense?))

i’ll give specific types, because saying villains is a bit too vague. i’ll also give example characters to some to make them make more sense.

1. pathetic loser men. i can spot them a mile away.

2. brooding mysterious character who looks like they’d be a bit mean to me because that’s sexy.

3. a character who will make me say ”i know they’re evil but i can fix them” (coriolanus snow)

4. the wholesome who deserves the world -character will always immediately become my baby. (luffy, kili, edward scissorhands)

5. masked/faceless characters (ghostface, ghost, din djarin, nazgûl)

honourable mention: wolf and fox characters.