#kind of sucks i got the safe/letter ending before the other endings. if i got the ohers and then safe/letter ending i think it would've | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bruh-changbin · 2 years

Text

ivy league

pairing: uni boyfriend!hyunjin x afab reader

genre: fluff + smut (minors dni)

warnings: fingering (f receiving), public sex, lowkey exhibitionism, oral sex (m receiving), snowballing (tis’ the season), little bit of cum eating, unprotected sex (be safe), piv, creampie, tit sucking, both are kinda switches?, alcohol consumption

word count: 5.8K

a/n: HAPPY NEW YEAR MOFOS!!! my new years resolution is to find out why hyunjin is so fucking hard to write for 😻 maybe it’s bc his personality is kinda all over the place or maybe i just suck but anyways i hope i did him justice. (also for the sake of this fic pls pretend he still has long brown hair bc that was my fav look on him ever)i do apologize as this was supposed to be posted right after new years but i have been a busy busy gal as of late. nevertheless, i hope you enjoy (also apologies if this posts weird tumblr is being A MAJOR PAIN IN THE ASS AS I TRY TO EDIT THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

photos not mine, credit to original owners (retrieved from pinterest)

studying away from home was always a dream of yours. there’s something so enticing about living and learning in a new city that piques your interest. when you got an acceptance letter from an ivy league school a few hours away from your hometown, you didn’t think twice before enrolling.

only then did you find out that 90% of the student body at ivy league schools - or any high status campus, really - are insufferable. there are wannabe jane austen’s and christopher nolan’s at every turn, griping about how getting a 98% on their most recent paper just isn’t good enough (news flash: it is).

ergo, every time you’ve tried to befriend someone you met in the student centre or library or in one of your lectures you’ve discovered they’re too obsessed with their status to even hold a proper conversation with you. there’s only one person who makes studying here at least somewhat bearable: hwang hyunjin.

you met hyunjin in september, a mere 2 days before classes were set to begin for the fall semester. it was somewhat unfortunate, your first encounter, seeing as it entailed you spilling your iced french vanilla all over hyunjin’s silky white button up top. you were trying to shove your wallet back into your bag as you left a coffee shop and he was enthralled in his phone, both of you too distracted to notice the other before colliding.

you both apologized profusely, you for being careless and him for being in the way (he wasn’t) until you insisted he came to your apartment to get cleaned up since it’s only a 3 minute walk away, i feel horrible for ruining your clothes.

he complied, and you led him to your small studio apartment, giving him some privacy to shower and steal whatever clothes in your closet that fit him.

when he stepped out of your bathroom, hair still damp and skin glowing, the rounds of i’m so sorry’s started up again as you handed him back his shirt, now with a large coffee stain on the chest that even your tide pen couldn’t tackle. he grabbed his shirt before chuckling, revealing that he too was a frequent customer of the cafe you were at and often opted to go there instead of indulging in the overpriced shit they sell on campus.

upon discovering that you were both students at the same university you got to talking, which led to hyunjin staying for dinner at your place, which led to an impromptu make-out session on your second-hand couch. when you made it known that you wanted to take things further, he initially declined because hey, i’m not that kind of guy. in the end he couldn’t keep his hands off of you and you were more than happy to lead him down the hallway to your bedroom.

soon after he had you writhing under your cotton bed sheets while making you cum on his tongue… and his fingers and his cock. his shaggy, shoulder length mocha hair felt like silk in between your fingers and the whines and whimpers he let out when you tugged on it sounded like heaven.

so, your first encounter with hyunjin was a catastrophe turned fuck session turned we should do this again sometime…

now it’s the heart of winter and you’re about to sock your boyfriend in the jaw when you see him leaning against the brick exterior of your lecture hall, the tips of his ears stained cherry red and his breath passing his lips in the form of a cloud.

“hyunjin i told you to stop waiting for me outside of my lecture hall’s, you’re seriously gonna get frostbite!” you emphasize by pinching his frozen ears - he winces.

“what happened to hello? how are you?” he complains before slipping his hand into the pocket of your puffer jacket and intertwining his fingers with yours; his hands are so cold you flinch.

“well sorry i don’t want you to get sick,” you roll your eyes while shoving your headphones into your tote bag, not needing them now that hyunjin has graced you with his presence, “and you know that class always puts me in a bad mood.”

“ahh yes that’s the one with the, what was it, douchey prof and even douchier students, right?”

“that’s the one.” you sniffle, nose going numb from the cold wind biting at your face as you let hyunjin drag you across campus to god knows where.

“well turn that frown upside down, i’m about to treat you to the most romantic study date ever,” hyunjin asserts while pulling you in the direction of the student lounge, careful not to walk too quickly so you don’t slip on the ice hidden underneath the blanket of snow on the ground.

although the trek from your lecture hall to the student common room is quite short, only subjecting you to the outside weather conditions for a mere minute or two, you rejoice when you step inside and regain shelter from the cold. a blast of hot air greets you and hyunjin shakes the snow off of his perfectly styled hair, retracting his hand from your jacket pocket.

the two of you make your way down the corridor before waltzing into the main study area of the student lounge, seating yourself on a worn in brown leather couch.

once your winter jacket is discarded you pull your textbook out of your bag, using your peripherals to watch hyunjin pull out his laptop and begin editing photos for his photography class.

it’s serene; watching the snow fall through the window to your left, feeling the warmth radiating from hyunjin who’s sitting to your right. the feeling of hyunjin’s hand (which is still quite cold) on your knee comforts you and you immerse yourself in the words of your textbook, wanting to catch up on the chapters you were supposed to read for this week but didn’t have the time or patience to.

alas, you should’ve known that hyunjin had… other intentions when he said he was taking you on the most romantic study date ever. it only takes a few minutes before you feel his hand inching its way up your leg.

his eager fingers dance across your thigh before groping your pelvis, causing you to clamp your legs shut in surprise, trapping your boyfriend’s hand in between them.

“are you fucking kidding me hyunjin? we’re in public…”

hyunjin scans the vicinity of the student lounge, which, admittedly, there are only two other students present, both so absorbed in their respective textbooks that they’re practically drooling. but that doesn’t mean you’re about to let him finger bang you in a public area in front of your fellow students.

“what, you don’t wanna show everyone how well you take my fingers?” by now his index and middle fingers are playing with the waistband of your panties, waiting for you to give the go ahead before dipping underneath.

“come on, let me play with you.”

try as you may, you can’t resist the twisting of your stomach and the pitter-patter of your heart at hyunjin’s words. by now your pussy is leaking indefinitely and you shift in your spot in a pathetic attempt to alleviate the dull throbbing you feel in your pelvis.

the more you squirm the more pressure you feel from hyunjin’s hand trapped in between your thighs, the heel of his palm pushing against your cunt that’s becoming more sensitive by the second.

a pleasure induced haze clouds your brain and soon enough you’ve convinced yourself that hyunjin fingering you in the student lounge is in fact a good idea. it’s not like anyone can see you, right? you’re sandwiched between the wall and hyunjin, who’s broad shoulders block you from the curious gaze of others - no one would be the wiser.

with a bashful look on your face you ease your legs open, granting hyunjin access to your sticky panties and aching clit. the dexterity in which hyunjin’s hand pushes past your waistband and into the dripping folds of your cunt almost gives you whiplash.

like the little bitch he is he teases you for several moments, the tip of his index finger drawing lazy circles around your clit before gliding down to your hole and then back up again, never giving you what you actually want.

you know hyunjin’s enjoying watching you twitch and shift in your seat as he plays with your cunt; even more so does he enjoy watching you bite back a frustrated whine when he pulls his hand from you entirely, takes a second to coat his digits in his own saliva by sucking on them, and shove his hand back down your pants.

with help from hyunjin’s makeshift lube his slender spit-covered fingers slip inside of you with little resistance, causing your stomach to flutter and churn. the stretch is subtle yet pleasurable and your body automatically folds in on itself: head hung low, knees knocking together, back hunched.

if anyone were to walk by they would hopefully assume that you’re just worn out from the end of semester stress and not clue in on the fact that your boyfriend is knuckle deep in your pussy.

hyunjin starts with small movements, his finger gliding in and out of you slowly while curling upwards in a ‘come-hither’ type motion. he’s trying to make his movements as undetectable as possible, struggling against your tight cunt that sucks him in with each and every thrust of his fingers.

lucky for you your lover was blessed with long fingers, ones that reach so deep inside of you with so little effort that it makes the room spin. little shocks rock your body when hyunjin fully sheathes his index and middle fingers inside of you, the cold metal of the rings adorning his fingers a stark contrast to your hot wet pussy.

the pace of hyunjin’s fingers quickens; your bottom lip stings from how hard you’re biting down on it. your breath leaves you in the form of forced exhales through your nose, the urge to say fuck it and moan aloud for all of your peers to hear becoming almost irresistible and you pray that hyunjin’s going to make you finish before you do something you’ll regret.

hyunjin pushes his fingers impossibly deeper into you, the heel of his palm now providing the most delicious friction on your neglected clit. you resist the urge to grind your hips against his hand.

“are you close?” hyunjin whispers, his plush lips caressing the shell of your ear and sending shivers down your spine. how long has his face been that close to yours? you think, but you’re too out of it to turn your thoughts into words. you just nod frantically, eyes rolling backwards as your impending orgasm looms closer and closer.

the sensation of hyunjin’s fingers pistoning in and of you and his palm bumping your clit is enough to quickly send you over the edge, biting the inside of your cheek so hard you can taste the metallic tang of blood against your tongue.

you cream all over his fingers while sucking in a breath so big it hurts your lungs so as to prevent yourself from making any noise. the grip you have on hyunjins wrist goes limp and you wince as he pulls his fingers from you, placing a chaste kiss on your temple as if to say i’m proud of you.

with that hyunjin casually sucks your wetness from his fingers, briefly wiping them on his pants before returning to editing his photos on his laptop. you struggle to regain your focus on the textbook splayed out in front of you, the pages swimming before your eyes as the pleasure in the pit of your stomach slowly subsides.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

“i still don’t understand why you were so adamant about using my kitchen to bake instead of yours.”

hyunjin glances up from his phone at your words, his pupils so dark they remind you of tapioca pearls.

“i live with three frat guys, my kitchen is a biohazard.”

ah yes, that’s right. hyunjin’s roommates, although very nice guys who treat you with respect, are frat guys nonetheless. chan is the cleanest of them all, although that's mostly due to him eating out the majority of the time. changbin and jisung however…

you raise your hands in defence, shuddering at the thought of the army of glasses filled with stale protein shakes that greeted you the last time you ventured into hyunjin’s apartment.

upon seeing you wash your hands in preparation for baking hyunjin joins you behind the kitchen counter. his ring-clad fingers roll up the sleeves of his white long sleeve top before tucking the stray hairs in front of his face behind his ears.

“alright, what are we baking?” he says with his game-face on.

“i was thinking we could do gingerbread… you know, since it’s the holidays.” you begin to search for a recipe on your phone.

hyunjin makes a sour face at this: lips puckered, brows furrowed, eyelids lowered. dramatic. “i don’t like gingerbread,” he states.

“oh? why not?”

“it’s too spicy.”

this motherfucker…

“...spicy? what are you, twelve?”

“i have a sensitive palate!” your boyfriend whines like a toddler.

“shut the fuck up hwang, we’re making gingerbread.”

hyunjin hangs his head in defeat while you trifle through your cupboards for the proper ingredients. soon enough a small pile is formed on your countertop and you begin sorting everything in order to start baking. a slender hand caresses your lower back and you jump slightly.

“you know it kinda turns me on when you’re all authoritative like that…”

of course. leave it to hyunjin to get horny at literally any hour of the day.

“you’re insufferable. does hyunjin jr. ever take a day off?”

hyunjin scoffs, “he does, actually. remember the day you were so swamped with the paper you were writing and me, being the best boyfriend ever, had the decency to not try to get in your pants so you could focus?”

“wow, so chivalrous.”

hyunjin playfully shoves your head and then pats your hair as if to assure you his teasing is all in good fun (you know it is).

for someone who was so adamant about baking for the holidays, hyunjin is incredibly inept in the kitchen. first he adds baking powder to the mixing bowl instead of baking soda, then proceeds to knock over your precious bottle of pure vanilla extract, followed by him getting molasses on his tongue and wailing in disgust because it tastes like straight ass! this is all tied together by him spilling flour all over your countertops because why the fuck not.

“remind me to never allow you to have access to my kitchen ever again,” you huff in frustration while rolling out your batter, a thin layer of sweat forming on your upper lip.

“why? I’m having fun… are you not having fun?” a cheeky grin is plastered across his face as he places his hand on the flour-covered counter before smacking your ass so hard you shriek. whipping your head around, you gape at the perfect flour handprint imprinted on the seat of your favourite pair of pants.

“WHAT THE FUCK HYUNJIN!!???” you shove his chest before frantically dusting the flour off of your rear. hyunjin can’t seem to control his laughter.

“payback!” he says cheerily while wiping his hands on the hem of his shirt. by now the smell and taste of flour has filled the air of your kitchen.

“payback for what you dipshit??”

he smiles, “for when you spilled coffee on my shirt.”

“are you fucking kidding me hwang? that was like four months ago!” you return to kneading the dough in front of you, although now you do so with much more aggression, “need i remind you that the coffee incident is how we met in the first place?”

“i knowww~” his palm glides across your upper back in a soothing motion before he rests his chin your your shoulder, “i’m just teasing.”

you bite back a smile before glancing at hyunjin perched on your shoulder, his squishy cheeks matching the soft gaze of his eyes. domestic bliss. you continue to knead the dough in front of you until it’s ready to be rolled out.

when you turn to look at hyunjin again he’s leaning into you even more, pink lips puckered slightly and eyelids closed causing his lashes to grace the tops of his cheeks.

you throw flour in his face.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

it’s new years eve and you don’t know what to wear.

“just throw on something skimpy and call it a day,” jeongin says through the speaker of your phone, “you’re supposed to be here in like an hour, remember?”

“i can get ready in an hour,” you respond while holding various garments up to your body and gazing at your reflection in the mirror. so many options, so little time.

“i don’t know about that y/n, remember halloween?”

you do remember halloween. more specifically, you remember jeongin whining and bitching for the entirety of the two and a half hours it took for you to transform yourself into ty lee from avatar: the last airbender. it was worth it though, you looked exactly like her.

“come on, that was a one time thing. i’ll be at your place on time!” you whine while tossing an unworthy crop top onto the pile of clothes on your floor that’s steadily increasing.

“i don’t know y/n you’re pretty indecisive and-” you hang up on him, not wanting to hear him bitch and whine about your inability to make even the most minuscule decisions.

it takes you half an hour to choose the perfect outfit, and then another half hour to do your makeup and hair, followed by a fifteen minute stare-down with your reflection in the mirror as you question everything. is this really the best look i can come up with? your head hurts and you haven’t even started drinking yet.

“y/n~” hyunjin whines from his place in the living room, “are you almost ready?”

you give him a half-assed yea before exiting your bedroom, giving yourself and your outfit one final check in the mirror.

in preparation for tonight’s celebration you helped hyunjin bleach and dye his hair a shade of icy blue last night, almost permanently damaging his bathroom sink and counter in the process. his now cerulean mane matches the blue of his denim jacket that has an eye-catching collar lined with fluffy white fur (faux of course - no animal cruelty here). his pants are denim as well, a quintessential canadian tuxedo, and just a hint of silver glitter is detectable on his eyelids. you could eat him right the fuck up.

“you look cute,” you purr before waltzing over to your boyfriend and standing in front of where he’s sat on the couch.

“as do you,” his eyes scan your body, “the five hours it took you to get ready paid off.”

“i did not take five hours to get ready hwang, you’re just impatient.” you pat his leg as if to say get off your ass, it’s time to go, prompting him to push himself off of his couch and over to the coat rack by his front door.

“this coat totally clashes with my outfit,” you complain as you pull on your thick puffer jacket.

hyunjin feigns sympathy, “it’s either that or you freeze. come on, chan’s wondering why we’re not there yet.”

hyunjin all but yanks you out the door, locking it behind him before the two of you step onto the bustling city streets that are teeming with people searching for a place to drink and celebrate.

arriving at jeongin’s a mere couple of hours before midnight, you rid yourself of your chunky winter coat and start to mingle with the rest of the crowd. hyunjin, despite knowing more people at the party than you, stands behind you like a lost baby sheep for the entire night, waiting for you to loop him into whatever conversation you’re having.

you briefly speak with jeongin, who teases you for arriving late (how he managed to spot you and hyunjin sneaking in later than you said you would arrive is beyond you) and then encourages you to get a drink and ‘let loose’.

in the kitchen you help yourself to whatever alcohol you can find - most of the selection isn’t to your liking and you regret not bringing your own drinks from home. nevertheless, you force some pathetic margarita mix down your throat before spotting hyunjin’s roommates, chan, changbin and jisung, in the crowd and heading over to converse with them.

time seems to fly by and soon enough there are only a few minutes left until it’s time to ring in the new year. someone, most likely felix, blasts madonna through the speakers and a livestream of the new york ball drop is displayed on the tv in the living room.

“y/n?”

“yes hyunjin?”

he hesitates, starry eyes looking everywhere but your own, “will you be my new year’s kiss?”

you stifle a laugh; the poor boy looks like he’s about to puke after asking you that so you try your best to play nice.

“of course i will.” you caress your boyfriend's cheek ever so gently, his cheeks turning rosy and flushed as you do so.

around you the cheers from the other partygoers have increased as the countdown displayed on the tv hits the thirty second mark. as the ball descends on the screen your fingers reach for hyunjin, grasping his wrist in excitement as the two of you start to countdown alongside everyone else.

“3….2….1….HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!”

as soon as the clock strikes midnight hyunjin’s pillowy pink lips are attached to yours, capturing you in a heartfelt kiss to celebrate the ending of an old year and beginning of a new one. it would be a crime not to reciprocate so you do, only pulling away when you hear jeongin start to make gagging noises at the two of you over everyone else's cheers.

felix jumps onto the couch and changbin uncorks a bottle of pommery cuvée louise with a celebratory pop!

before you can approach changbin and ask for a glass of champagne that he splurged on for the special occasion, you’re being dragged down the hallway. away from the music and cheering and people and into a dark, empty bedroom; based on the decor you assume it’s felix’s.

the metallic click of a door being shut and locked echoes throughout the empty room and when you turn to face hyunjin pursues you again. away from the curious gazes of bystanders he kisses you with unrestrained passion and lust - a kiss that isn’t just a simple display of affection but a kiss that says i want this to lead to something more.

in the confines of this empty bedroom you allow yourself to melt into his lips, his touch. you inhale his scent and push your tongue past his teeth and into his mouth, tasting a hint of the miller lite he was sipping on earlier on his tongue. with ease hyunjin makes his way down your jaw and to your neck, placing affectionate open mouth kisses against the sensitive skin of your throat. occasionally you feel his canines nip you before his tongue glides over your skin.

“i’ve been wanting to be alone with you since we left the apartment,” hyunjin admits sheepishly, the ends of his hair tickling your ear.

“is that why you spent the entire night hiding behind me?”

like a deer in headlights, hyunjin freezes, “maybe…” you can feel his lips curl into a small smile from where they’re attached to your neck.

not wanting to waste any more time you shove hyunjin off of you, your hands grasping the collar of his denim jacket before dragging it down his shoulders and arms, followed by his shirt. hyunjin follows suit and moves to unbutton his jeans, pulling them down his thick thighs. now he stands in front of you wearing only his briefs, his hard cock straining against the material, the glow from the moon painting his skin a cool shade of blue.

when you step closer to him you can feel his breath fan across your face, watch his eyes swim with curiosity and enamourment, see his chest rise and fall with each and every shaky breath. your fingertips hook into the elastic waistband of his briefs, yanking them down and letting them pool at his ankles before gently guiding him to sit on the bed behind him.

now that hyunjin’s seated you move to kneel in front of him, kissing your way down the soft milky skin of his abs and around his belly button and the insides of his thighs. his cock stands fully erect, and you lick your lips before getting yourself ready to suck him off.

when you first fucked hyunjin all those months ago you were taken aback at how perfect his cock was. not to sound cliche, but it felt as if the two of you were destined to be together with how well he fit inside of your cunt and down your throat. now, you admire him once again before licking him from base to tip.

time is of the essence you think before taking his length in your hot mouth.

over the course of time you’ve spent dating and fucking hyunjin you’ve discovered that he’s very sensitive… and very vocal. as soon as his cock is in your mouth he’s struggling to keep quiet, the veins on his neck tensing and his knuckles white as he grips the bedsheets underneath him. it’s not like anyone would hear him lest they be pressed up right against the bedroom door, but still, he tries his best to preserve at least a little bit of his dignity.

for the sake of your throat you wrap your hand around the base of hyunjin’s dick, opting to jerk what you can’t comfortably fit in your mouth. the soft muscle of your tongue expertly wraps around his length as you begin to bob your head, starting off slow so you don’t overwhelm hyunjin (who already seems to be going into sensory overload).

the movements of your hand are in tandem with those of your mouth, the nails that you got done for new years looking so perfect wrapped around his sensitive cock. small beads of sweat begin to form on your temple as you continue to work hyunjin to his release, not wanting to stop until he’s satisfied. your knees are already starting to ache from being pressed against the cold, hard floor but you pay the discomfort no mind.

above you, hyunjin’s struggling to keep himself under control. he’s been on edge all evening, and now that you’re having your way with him he can’t quite contain his delectation. surely there are other people fucking at this party right now, right? what does it matter if he makes a bit of noise?

fuck dignity, he wants to let you know how good you’re making him feel.

hyunjin’s bottom lip throbs in relief when he releases it from his teeth, allowing his head to fall back while groans of pleasure shamelessly tumble from his mouth.

your ears strain to block out the noises from the ongoing party so you can hyperfocus on every single sound that passes hyunjin’s lips. your lips wrap around his length like a glove, providing him with the most perfect amount of friction. you pick up the pace in order to get him there faster, ignoring the slight cramping in your wrist.

“y/n i-” one of his hands lets go of the duvet and wraps around the back of your head, “i think i’m gonna-” he cuts himself off with a cry of desperation.

with reluctance you pull your lips off of his cock, continuing to jerk him with your mouth agape and tongue sticking out. with a needy, high-pitched moan that he does nothing to try to suppress, hyunjin pumps his load into your waiting mouth.

his cum is pure and white like the snow falling softly outside of the bedroom window. it sits hot and heavy on your tongue as you rise from your spot on the floor, watching with hungry eyes as hyunjin’s pink-stained chest heaves sighs of pleasure before you press your lips to his. both of your mouths open automatically, his tongue slipping past your teeth allowing him to taste himself. your tongues swap semen and saliva and you reluctantly pull away when you need to swallow and regain your breath.

the view of hyunjin panting and covered in a sheen of sweat, his own cum seeping from the corners of his mouth, is a sight to behold. you’ve never laid eyes on anything so sinful yet so holy and beautiful at the same time - your panties become unbearably wet.

hyunjin stares at you with eagle eyes as you rid yourself of your clothing, tossing each garment on top of his so a small pile is formed on the floor.

in one swift move you’re on top of him, knees digging into the firm mattress on either side of his bony hips. without saying a word you line his cock, that’s already semi-hard again, up with the soaked hole of your pussy before sinking down his shaft. the two of you whine and groan into eachothers mouths at the sensation, and you still when your hips are flush with his.

“i don’t… i don’t think i’m gonna last long,” hyunjin whines so pathetically you go weak in the knees. ugh! you wanna lick him all over.

“that’s okay,” you coo while running your fingers through his hair, “just want you to feel good.”

grasping his shoulders for stability, you temptingly grind your pelvis against his. the tip of his cock is nestled deep inside of you that it makes you feel so unbelievably full and content. it’s moments like these where you wish to be consumed by hyunjin, wish to hold him and be in his hold forever and ever.

the slick, wet sounds of you fucking hyunjin raw fill the room, your cunt sucking him deeper and deeper with each and every roll of your hips. your vision goes blurry when he attaches his soft lips to your breast, switching between sucking on it gently and using his tongue to tease your sensitive nipple.

the soft whimpers and please go faster’s that your boyfriend emits encourage you to pick up the pace, your hip bones knocking against his with each gyration. by now your clit is begging for attention so you lower your hand to press quick, somewhat careless circles into it, hissing at the pleasure it provides.

the need to cum begins to creep its way into your senses: your vision becomes spotted and blurry, your legs begin to quiver and shake, the pit in your lower abdomen grows bigger and bigger threatening to swallow you whole. hyunjin continues to sloppily suck on your tit, the sensation going straight to your aching cunt.

no words need to be exchanged in order for each of you to know that the other is close. it’s evident in the way your movements become more frantic desperate and in the way hyunjin’s blunt nails dig into the flesh of your thighs, his jaw going slack against your breast.

a few more movements and you reach your orgasm, muffling a lewd and graphic moan by biting down on hyunjin’s shoulder. for several moments it feels as if you’re on cloud nine. sparks fly behind your closed eyelids and the ringing in your eyes is loud enough to block out the sound of the party (which you almost forgot about) but not the increasingly loud moans coming from hyunjin. you can hear and feel him cumming a few seconds after you, his stomach tensing as he cries out for you.

he spills his seed inside of you and you shudder, feeling incredibly warm and worn out.

with limbs feeling like lead, you lift yourself off of hyunjin before collapsing onto the mattress, the duvet cover immediately clinging to your back that’s damp with sweat. you feel hyunjin’s cum slowly begin to seep out of you and you cringe, knowing that you’re going to have to explain and apologize to felix (or whoever the owner of this room is).

beside you, hyunjin works to get his breathing back under control, his eyes closed with a blissed-out expression on his face.

“i don’t wanna get up,” he whispers into the dark room.

“so don’t.”

the two of you lie there, basking in the post-orgasm bliss that puts you on the verge of sleep. the room smells of sex and sweat and you can’t help the small smile that makes its way onto your face, knowing that there’s no other way you’d rather spend ringing in the new year.

you hear him moving before you feel his touch. the soft tips of his fingers caress your clammy palms before intertwining with yours, an affectionate move that has your cheeks flushing and makes you wonder how did i get so god damn lucky?

if it weren’t for hyunjin your ivy league studies would be filled with empty days and empty nights. you somehow managed to find solace in a sensitive, 5’10” boy who teases you and then whines when you tease him back. on days where the cold seems to be unbearable he keeps you warm with his skin on your skin, his lips on your lips, his heart to your heart.

without him you’d be stuck at a prestigious school filled with prestigious people pursuing a prestigious degree that you’re not sure you even like, yet he somehow makes you forget all of that.

and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

#stray kids smut #hwang hyunjin smut #stray kids imagines #stray kids fanfiction #stray kids blurbs #stray kids x reader #hwang hyunjin x reader #hyunjin x reader #hwang hyunjin facfiction #hwang hyunjin blurbs

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damon-loves-pie · 2 years

Text

“Wish I Could Be Your Man.”

I had to reshare this again this morning because I couldn’t find it any of the original hashtags I had done. And I spent WAY TOO MUCH TIME writing this for it to not get the recognition it deserves.

Pairing: Eddie Munson x female reader.

Word count: About 11k words. ( I GOT CARRIED AWAY)

Warnings: 18+, SMUTTY- FLUFFY- ANGSTY KIND OF SLOW BURN STORY. Talks of reader moving around a lot, there is angst with crying and fighting between the reader and Eddie at some point. Reader was cheated on by an ex who slept with her best friend. LOTS OF POT SMOKING.(Eddie is her dealer.) There is pussy eating, fingering, sex of course, and not really much dick sucking. No safe sex happens, (WRAP IT UP PLEASE, I AM PREGNANT BY ACCIDENT SO DON’T BE LIKE ME), Reader does drive stoned. (DO NOT DO THAT PLEASE.) Cigarette smoking, other than that I think that’s all???

I did use inspiration from Eddie’s and Chrissy scene in their first hang out.

Requested by: Anonymous, link to request is here. Overall was requested for a female reader x Eddie fic based off the ending of the song, The Summoning By Sleep Token. (I am not taking anymore request at the moment.)

Summary: Reader had moved around most of her life leaving her unwilling to let anyone close to her after having her heart broken at a young age, she’d rather spend her Senior year alone than with people who probably wouldn’t care for her. She starts working at Family Video in which she asks Steve if he knew where she could find the local dealer. After learning about Eddie Munson ,reader starts buying from him, overtime starting to grow fond of him till a small relationship forms. Eddie wants more than the reader is allowing, causing a fight to break out over him begging her to come see his band play. Reader in the end pulls her head out of her ass, and realizes she cares about the boy as much as he cares about her.

Author’s note: I WILL SAY THE BEGINING IS LONG, AND EDDIE DOESN’T COME IN FOR A MINUTE. BUT PLEASE bare with me. I HAD TO ESABILISH SOME KIND OF STORY. You don't get to see Eddie till a little over 2,000 words in. BUT I PROMISE YOU, IT’S WORTH IT.

I spent the last few days working solely on this and have proofread but it was superlong so I hope I didn’t miss anything.

But to whoever requested this I hope you enjoy the vision I had came up with.

Writing Masterlist

Hawkins, Indiana. The home of the small town high school, Hawkins High, which I'll be attending till graduation in the spring.

Other than that, Hawkins was just another small town on the list of places I've lived.

It was a place that probably won't cross my mind ever again when I leave for college in the fall just like any of the other towns I have called home over the years.

My father's job caused us to move so often that I stopped being interested in finding ties to a town I wouldn't be in for long.

Ever since getting a promotion before I went into 7th grade, he has constantly moved our family so he could help run or set up different stores across the country.

In result of that, the longest I tend to stay in a place is just for the school year. Maybe for the summer too if I'm lucky, but that seems to be about every other year.

Growing up with constantly moving made me crave structure. I act like I hate the idea of settling down and making friends, but actually I yearned for it.

I wanted strong friendships, I wanted to be on first name basis with the gas station clerk kind of thing, I wanted everything that came with a normal life.

But over the last few years I didn't see the point in making friends who would stop answering my calls or letters after a few weeks of me moving away.

So that dream life will just have to wait till I go to college next fall.

I had been dreaming of it since the summer of my freshman year.

I even started working that summer to save up for my apartment that I'll have during the four years I plan on attending.

I have so much money saved up because how badly I want this, and have worked my ass off to make sure I will get accepted.

I needed to have control of something in my life and this was the easiest most important way I could.

I thought about my life and the things that made up it as I drove down the run down road towards the high school.

How after having been to five other schools as the new girl, this sixth one probably wasn't going to be any different.

The nerves I had in middle school about starting new were gone now, having died out by freshman year.

The thought of being the new girl wasn't scary anymore, it was now routine.

My tires screech against the pavement as I pull into the parking lot, entering into an empty space.

Knowing what awaited me I grabbed by backpack and Walkman off the passenger side, throwing the worn out headphones over my ears.

My fingers pressing play as I hopped out of the seat of my car.

Walking towards the wide open doors, my eyes studied the school.

Hawkins High wasn't anything special, but neither were most the schools I went to.

It was your normal brick building with the school colors scatter about to capture that 'school spirt', with a big welcome sign seated up front to welcome in the new and returning students.

I reach the doors feeling eyes turn towards me from the lockers lined down the hall, other students taking a glimpse at the unknown student.

I was used to people whispering about me, usually wondering about the newest girl of the year. And I defiantly knew it was going to be bigger news once people found out I was a senior.

Not paying them any mind I followed the wall signs towards the door labeled 'office.'

I spent the twenty minutes before class filling out paperwork as the secretary retrieved my schedule. Reassuring the people in the office multiple times that I didn't need a student to show me around before heading to my classes for the day.

My first few classes were as normal as they could be. The teachers having me introduce myself to the class after realizing there was a new student on their roster. Syllabuses got handed out and read, stating what was expected for each class. And then most students avoiding me like the plague or gave me a small smile and a wave when passing in the hall.

Walking into lunch I felt heads turn towards me, knowing all the small-town kids who've known each other since preschool were talking about the new girl. Wondering if she had somewhere to sit or would dare sit alone.

That was the thing they didn't know though, I would rather sit by myself any day then beg someone to be my friend so I wouldn't be alone.

Finding an empty table near the windows I plopped myself into a seat, music playing through my headphones as I pulled out the work Mrs. Click had given us already.

I wasn't wanting to worry about finishing it later tonight since my first shift at my new job started after school.

I would rather eat a quick lunch on the way there than get off tonight and have to worry about finishing the assignment.

After lunch was over the second half of the day seemed to fly by, surprising me as the clock hit four pm when I got home.

I threw my bag onto my bed, grabbing the dark green Family Video vest off my chair as I made my way back to my car.

The job didn't seem like anything special from the outside and I doubt it was going to change my life or anything. But it was a way to make money and something to keep me occupied during my time here in Hawkins.

The sound of the bell ringing greeted me as I entered the store, causing me to groan internally because I knew soon I was going to loathe the sound.

My line of vision hit the front desk, looking for the man named Steve Harrington, who Keith told me would be training me today.

A tall brunette comes from behind the shelf, huge hands holding a small stack of tapes.

"Welcome to Fam- Oh, you must be (Y/N) the new hire. I'm Steve." He smiles, eyes glimmering as they meet the vest I'm wearing.

"That's me." I shrug slightly, watching as he studied me.

Steve wasn't bad looking and defiantly was not my usual type, but he wasn't something I wouldn't mind looking at from time to time. I memorized the way his longish hair sat and freckles that scattered across his neck to the way his muscles peaked out from under his polo as he held the tapes.

Realizing he had spent 30 seconds too long staring, he coughed awkwardly motioning his head towards the back of the counter.

"We should probably get you clocked in before we start training you in the 'Family Video way." He quotes sarcastically.

His free hand making quotations causing me to roll my eyes playfully in response.

Steve notices, laughing lightly while he placed the tapes on the counter.

"It's what Keith says we have to say when we train someone new. But I think he just likes trying to make my job a little harder." Steve explains, rummaging through a drawer till he pulls out a blank time card.

Laughing at his comment, I take the time card and pen from his grasp.

"So you can smile, I was worried you were going to have the whole 'I'm going to kill you vibe' all night long." He teases, watching as I write my name and the date across the paper.

"Don't get too excited, if I end up not liking you it could still happen." I shake my head playfully, going to sign on the time.

"You can write you were here 10 minutes earlier, Keith never checks the cameras." Steve promises, catching me off guard as my eyebrow raises in response.

"You trying to get me fired already Steve?" I mock, watching his lips turn up into a smile.

"I wouldn't do that unless you actually tried to kill me." He jokes, causing me to grin in amusement, scribbling 4:15 onto my time card.

The bell rings again for the second time that night as I look over to him,

"Looks like we have our first customer of the night." I sigh, placing my time card with the rest on the counter.

As the night went on I realized my job here at Family Video was actually one of the easier jobs I've had over the years.

There really wasn't much to it other than helping customers, keeping track and stocking innovatory, taking care of the store plus it's merchandise and either closing or opening the store depending on your shift.

Not to mention as well that Steve was surprisingly a good trainer. He was fun, light hearted, and didn't get upset or acted like I was stupid if I forgot how to do something. Instead he would explain it again understanding sometimes it was hard to get used to some things.

The night went by fast due to the steady stream of customers we had, which Steve promised wasn't normal for a Monday and that next week would probably feel so slow compared to today.

Steve had allowed me to do honors of locking the door after waving off the last customer of the night, celebrating a successful evening.

We finished rewinding the brought back tapes and putting them into their designated areas before closing down the register, deciding to save sweeping and mopping for last.

Steve followed behind me as I swept, mopping the hardwood floors.

"How is Hawkins treating you so far?" Steve asks filling the quiet air while swirling the soapy mop against the walkway.

Thinking about my response I stop sweeping, turning towards him.

"Can I be honest or are you going to judge me if I say the wrong thing?" I ask him with a serious look on my face.

Stopping his movements as well, he brings his eyes to mine.

"Why would I judge you?" He asks, bringing his hand to his hip while the other hand leaned against the mop handle.

"Hawkins has been fine the past couple of days, but uh" I trail off, moving my eyes down to the broom handle I was playing with nervously.

"But?" He asks as I sigh, lifting my eyes back up to meet his.

"But I can't seem to find out where to get any uh-stuff around here." I tell him, hoping he would understand.

"What stuff?" He asks confused, causing me to roll my eyes at the boy.

"Weed Harrington, weed. I haven't learned who sells here yet." I laugh watching the realization of what I meant wash over his face.

"Oh okay. Well that's easy, you could go to Eddie Munson." He tells me, dipping the mop back into the bucket of water.

"So where do I find him then?" I ask, going back to moving the broom across the floor, picking up pieces of dirt and dust.

"Uh, I think he's actually in school again this year since I didn't see him at graduation. So you could probably find him tomorrow." He answers, letting the loud thud of the mop head hit the floor.

"But be careful around him." Steve warns, lifting up a finger to me.

Stopping my movements again I turn towards the boy.

"Wait why be careful?" I ask him, confused on why he would say that. Unless the guy was like a serial killer or something.

"He's just a little bit of a freak. He listens to crazy music and of course as I told you deals drugs. Plus he plays that kid game, DND, and he's also in like a satanic band." Steve explains, the judgment in his voice lingering as he mops the dry wood.

"In a band you say. Does he play the guitar? Can he sing?" I joke, going back to finishing the floor.

"Yeah, I think he does play and if you want to call what he does singing." Steve answers, chuckling slightly.

"Sounds like he may be my type Harrington." I tease, knowing he's rolling his eyes behind me while we finish closing the store.

Heading into the school the next morning I was praying to find this Eddie Munson that Steve had told me to find.

I was desperate need of release because I finished the rest of my stash after getting off work last night.

If I don't get something soon I don't know how I'll survive the stress of senior year and work.

I had asked Steve before getting into my car where I would more than likely find him at school but he didn't have a clear answer since he didn't know much about the boy.

Just said I'll know he's him when I see him, that him and his friends are different from everyone else the high school.

Which basically left me with nothing, because what the hell was the supposed to mean?

I've came to notice two things over the years when figuring out who the dealer or dealers of the schools were. They were usually either the jocks no one would expect or the students with just enough charisma that they could convince anyone they wouldn't dare do that.

But they didn't always fall into those categories.

I scanned the halls as I walked to my first class, seeing the usual cheerleaders and jocks in their letterman jackets but none of them giving off the vibe of the local dealer.

The rest of the students left in the hall looked like they wouldn't dare touch it, let alone sell it.

None of them looked the way Steve had led me to believe Eddie would look like.

I felt discouraged as I sat down at my desk, hopping to find him at some point in the day. But at the moment it felt like I was looking for a needle in a haystack.

By the time lunch came around I wondered if Steve might have been wrong about him still being in school. Maybe he did graduate and Steve hadn't noticed. Or maybe he dropped out, having not wanted to finish school.

Or maybe he wasn't as bad as Steve tried to make him out to be so I'm looking for the wrong person.

Sitting down at the table I had sat the day before, I listened to the music playing through my ears. My eyes scanning the room over the top of my book.

I saw the usual cliques as I looked around the room but nothing screaming "Satan worshipers' like Steve had warned.

Turning my line of vision towards the tables in front of me I see a group stand out over the rest of the students a few tables down.

The occupants of the table were wearing leather jackets, torn vests and jeans. Just overall looking like themselves compared to the other students who looked like they walked out of a page of the latest magazine.

Leaning back slightly I eyed the table. My vision being drawn to the front to see a long curly haired brunette telling what seemed to be a dramatic story. The rest of the table watched in awe, laughing and making comments at the boy.

I took his appearance in, he was wearing black jeans that were ripped at the knee. There was a chain poking out beside him, the leather jacket he wore had a battle vest paired with. It had patches and pins scattered across it. The hand that brought whatever he was eating to his mouth were decorated in chunky silver rings, leather and chain bracelets sticking out as his sleeve rolled down slightly.

That has to be him, I thought to myself as I drooled mentally for a second.

I may have been right, this man was just my type.

I decided to let myself admire him for a second longer, not realizing he would notice the feeling of my eyes observing him so soon.

His eyes turned to meet mine as I adverted my sight quickly towards the words in front of me, feeling my face reddening slightly while the boy watched me for a moment.

I didn't dare to look up from my book the rest of lunch and wondered if the stares I felt were coming from him or someone else in the room.

I was one of the first students out of the lunch room when the bell rang to dismiss us.

Nervous about having been caught, I headed to the bathroom before going to class to catch my breath for a second.

Making my way down the hall I turn the corner not expecting to run chest first into someone this late into the passing period.

"Oh shit I'm so- you're new right?" I hear as I look at the chest of the person I ran into.

The battle vest and leather looking familiar as I took in the pins and patches, realizing as I stepped back that I had ran into the person I've been looking for.

"Are you alright?" He asks with concern in his voice, his hand moving to touch my forearm gently.

"I'm fine, just kind of shocked that's all." I laugh lightly, lifting my gaze to meet his to see the worry in his eyes disappear.

"And uh- yeah I just moved here for my senior year." I finish, watching his brown eyes crinkle while his lip curl up into a smile.

"Well welcome to Hawkins, I'm Eddie. Eddie Munson, I do wish we could of had a less painful introduction than this though." He grins, dimples popping out as he extends his hand towards mine.

"(Y/N), (Y/N) (Y/L/N)." I smile lightly, taking his hand into mine.

The bell above us rings making me pull my hand away in shock as we realize passing period is now over.

"I should get going if actually plan on graduating this year." Eddie chuckles, pulling his hand back awkwardly.

Nodding in agreement we both stand there for a second, neither of us taking the first step to leave.

"Before I go, I uh saw you sitting alone at lunch. And if you want you could always join me and the rest of hellfire." He offers, twirling the ring on his left pointer finger nervously. A small blush playing on his cheeks, while he glances down at his shoes.

"Hellfire? Is that your band?" I ask curiously, watching his demeanor change in response.

"It's not, but you have heard of me?" He questions with amusement in his voice. His body stands a little taller, moving to lean against the lockers next to me as his arms cross across his chest. Smile tugging on his lips playfully.

"I had um- asked around about finding uh- supplies and I got your name along with some warnings." I tell him sheepishly, hearing his laugh escape through his lips.

"Sounds about right, just I can't get you stuff at the moment." Eddie tells me, glancing at the clock on the wall.

"But we are already late, so how do you feel about going out to the woods?" Eddie asks with a raised eyebrow, bringing his fingers to his lips in a smoking motion.

"I would beg please." I laugh, watching his smile widen.

He leads me out the door in the hallway, showing me the way to the picnic table in the woods.

I sit down across from him watching him dig around the pack of camels he pulled out of his jacket pocket.

Pulling out an already rolled joint Eddie smiles in triumph, handing it to me along with his lighter.

"Most people around here have smoked my weed at some point before they even come up to me. So um since you're new I figured you can smoke it before you decide to buy it." Eddie explains, watching as I bring the joint to my lips. The clicking of the lighter lighting the paper into a burning ember.

Inhaling I feel the familiar haze wash over my body and mind releasing all the stress and tension the day had brought so far.

Coughing slightly due to the harsh hit, I pass the joint back to Eddie.

"Thank you, you don't know how bad I needed this." I thank him, exhaling the thick smoke into the air around us.

"Trust me, I get it. High school and life can be rough." He welcomes, bringing the burning smoke to his lips.

"So tonight doesn't work for me to meet up with you because I'm playing at the hideout tonight. But I could meet up with you here tomorrow or after school at one of our places if you're comfortable with that." He tells me, as my smaller fingers takes the joint back from between his.

"I couldn't do tonight anyway because I work Tuesdays, but I can do tomorrow. And meeting at your house will work, I need to learn my way around town anyway." I laugh lightly feeling the high starting to hit me as I breathe out what was left of my hit.

"So what's the hideout?" I ask him curiously, seeing his eyes spark up as he takes a hit.

"It's just some shitty bar here in town, and it's pretty cool actually. And we get a crowd there of about um- five drunks." Eddie tells me, humor in voice.

I hear myself giggle in response, fingers brushing against his more the higher I get.

"Yeah, it's not exactly the Garden, but you gotta start somewhere right?" He finishes, playfully shrugging his shoulders.

"So is that what you hope to do with your life? Get somewhere with your music?" I ask, taking the second to last hit that was left.

"That's the plan. I love music and love the thought of being able to travel the country while doing what I love." Eddie nods, taking the joint between his lips before putting it out on the table.

"If that's what you want, then it sounds nice. I think everyone should do what makes them happy." I tell him, touching his forearm gently.

"How about you? What plan do you have?" He questions, resting his chin on his hand.

"Um, I've moved around every year the last five, six years so I'm really trying to make it to college and decide from there." I admit to him.

"So we're on two different spectrums?" He chuckles, as I nod in agreement.

"So it would seem." I laugh lightly.

"Do you know much are you wanting tomorrow?" Eddie asks, pulling a cigarette out of the pack on the table.

"What are your prices?" I ask him, watching him light the cigarette.

He inhales, chewing on his lip for a second before talking.

"I can do a half ounce for um $20." Eddie offers, lifting the cigarette up for me to take.

"That works and would be great." I smile, taking the cigarette from him.

"You know you don't seem as bad as people say." I tell him as the cigarette rest on my lips, my glassy eyes smiling over at him.

"Mean and scary?" Eddie asks, hand rubbing his cheek while a smile forms.

"Yeah." I nod, biting back my smile as I pass him the cigarette.

"Actually in other good news- flattery works with me. " Eddie smiles, as I raise an eyebrow.

"So uh 25% discount for the half. I can do fifteen bucks. But just so you know, you're robbing me blind here." He finishes, with a grin and a blush across his face when he brings the cigarette to his lips.

The moment in the woods with Eddie helped me surive the rest of my classes and made me ready to set Steve straight at work.

"Steve, he is not that bad." I tell him grabbing my time card out of the stack.

"Who?" He asks, glancing up from the computer.

"Eddie." I tell him scrunching my eyebrow, because who else would I be talking about?

"Whatever you say." He shakes his head, tying away on the keyboard.

"So does that mean you got your stuff?" Steve asks, looking up to me as I peak over from the side of him to watch him check accounts for past due movies.

"No, but I did talk to him. We're supposed to meet at his place tomorrow." I shrug, watching him mark an account with a late charge.

"Meeting at his place huh?" Steve teases, playful smirk on his face as I bump my hip against his shoulder.

"Stop it's not like that, plus I don't do relationships. I learned that after my freshman year." I tell him, crossing my arms over my chest.

"You do know you don't have to be in a relationship for stuff to happen right?" He asks, eyes meeting playfully with mine.

"Steve, we aren't close enough yet for you to tease me like this. Now stop before I do go back to having my murderous stare." I laugh, giving him another small shove.

"I was just saying." He shrugs, going back to typing away.

The next day and a half went by fast as I waited in anticipation for meeting with Eddie.

Pulling into the Munson's drive, I felt more nervous now than I had felt about starting school.

It felt different being here than being out in the woods with him since now I knew he wasn't a dick like some of the drug dealers I had in the past.

Walking up to the door I take a deep breath as I knocked, praying to god Eddie would be the one to answer.

A few moments after my fist met the door, it opens to reveal a smiling Eddie.

"Hey, you made it, come on in." He tells me, extending his arm out into the home.

"Why wouldn't I?" I ask him, taking a step inside.

All the mugs scattered on the walls catches my eye as I scan over them. Turning towards him with a raised brow, I smile watching him redden up a bit.

"Yeah sorry about that, they're my uncle's. It's just me and him here, but don't worry he's already gone for work. And uh, I was worried you might have decided against meeting here." Eddie tells me, leading me to the kitchen.

"But anyway, my stuff is on the counter over here." He motions to the counter where a scale and a jar sat.

I watched as he set the scale, weighting the product to measure it out.

"You want to take a look?" Eddie asks taking a step back so I could read the scale.

"Eddie that's a little more than a half?" I turn towards him to see him nodding lightly.

"Consider it a gift for being a first time buyer." He winks, going to bag it up for me.

"Can I just give you $20 then, you're already giving me a great deal." I beg digging into my purse for the money before holding it out to him.

"I told you 15 yesterday so it's 15."He shakes his head, pushing away the 20.

"That was for a half though, and this clearly isn't a half." I argue holding the bag he gives me, feeling bad because he gave me two more grams than he was supposed to on top of the deal he was already giving me.

"Sweetheart, it's fine I promise you." Eddie reassures me, as I feel my cheeks redden at the nickname.

"Whatever you say Eddie." I sigh, going to grab a 10 and a 5 to complete the transaction.

Eddie walks me to back to the front door, his hand resting in his back pocket.

"Thank you for this, it should last me a while." I tell him, tapping my purse.

"It's no problem really, thank you for coming to me." He smiles, freehand rubbing the back of his neck.

"Well it's kind of late, I should probably be heading home." I trail, looking around nervously, not wanting to intrude.

I'm about to reach the doorknob as Eddie interrupts.

"Unless you want to stay for a little while?" He asks, causing me to turn back around.

"We could watch a movie and match joint for joint?" He offers as my thumb plays with the strap of my purse while I contemplate staying.

I don't usually hang out with people, let alone smoke with other people, especially more than once.

But he doesn't seem to be a horrible person to be around, and I probably will be seeing him for a good amount of the next year.

"Okay." I nod, watching Eddie's face light up.

We sat there watching something that was playing on TV, surrounded in thick smoke as we passed the joint back and forth. Bodies naturally getting closer with each pass we do.

"So what do you do in your free time? Other than smoke obviously?" Eddie asks me, pulling my attention away from the movie.

"Oh um, I mostly work or just do homework. Like I said the other day, I've been dreaming of college so I mostly just focus on that." I tell him, blowing out smoke.

"I wish I could say the same for me, this is my third year as a senior. My GPA is like less than 1 if that's even possible." He admits to me, a nervous laugh following as I give him the joint.

I watch him take a hit, feeling shy to look over after sharing the information.

Leaning in a bit more, I rest my hand on his freehand.

"Hey, at least you're here. There's many people who would of gave up after failing the first time. Plus everyone has their own speed, life isn't a race to win." I smile softly, Eddie's brown eyes moving to meet mine.

"Plus, if you ever need help you could just ask me." I tell him, feeling my eyes glimmer.

"Thank you." He nods before opening his mouth again.

"I actually really think this is my year." Eddie tells me smiling slightly, causing me to laugh lightly in response.

"Yeah?" I grin at him.

"Yeah," He nods, giving my hand a light squeeze.

Seeing through the cloudiness in my brain, I realize we're still holding hands after a few moments.

Pulling away, I glance over to the clock by the TV.

"It's been fun, but I should really get going." I tell Eddie, standing up.

"It is getting late, but I'll see you at school tomorrow right?" He asks, standing up as well.

"Yeah, I'll be there." I nod at him, feeling him watch me gather my things.

"Think you might sit with Hellfire at lunch?" Eddie questions as I start heading towards the door.

Reaching the door I turn around slightly, hand resting on the knob.

"Probably not Eddie, nothing against you or them I promise. I just don't like to make friends, I've lost too many of them over the years." I confess, his face dropping slightly as he nods.

"Well if you ever change your mind, there's always a spot available." He smiles lightly, trying to mask the pain while taking a step forward.

"But really thank you for this Eddie, I really needed it." I tell him truthfully. Taking a step forward before I realize what I'm doing, I find my lips being placed on his cheek.

Pulling away shocked at my actions, I open the door quickly, turning to tell him goodbye.

"I'll see you soon, I promise," I smile, basically running out of his trailer.

It's been a little over a month of me living in Hawkins since that first transaction with Eddie.

School had been decent and working with Robin and Steve had actually been a blessing. I don't know how I would survive there without them.

Eddie and I talk quite a bit actually, sometimes just in passing through the halls. Sometimes before entering lunch as he asks me if I'm sure I didn't want to sit at his table, which I reassure him I'm okay alone especially since I usually work on homework anyway and didn't want any distractions.

Sometimes we just meet up in the woods for a smoke break on days that seem unbearable.

With everything going on with Eddie and the duo at work I've been feeling conflicted and have been questioning everything.

I don't usually allow myself to be so vulnerable with people.

I've had laughs with them, hell have hung out with them all at some point even.

That wasn't who I was when I got here, I hadn't allowed myself to feel for years before moving here.

It has me wondering what was in the air here in Hawkins.

Hell Robin even sits next me in the few classes we have together, leaving me to have a partner when a teacher says to partner up for the first time in years.

I am thankful for her though because she does make school not be as boring.

Exiting our last class for the day, Robin follows me towards my locker.

"What are you doing today on your day off?" She asks as I open the door.

"I have no idea, but I need to talk to Eddie about getting some more.. stuff soon." I whisper quietly motioning to the teachers standing outside their doors.

"On a Friday?" She smirks teasingly.

"Stop, it's not like that." I tell her, rolling my eyes while putting away the books I didn't need.

"Mmmh. Well because of Dustin I know they have Hellfire tonight, but I'm sure Eddie would love meeting up with you after its over, you know late at night." Robin says playfully, leaning against the locker next to mine.

"Robin, I swear to god I will quit our job right now leaving to work with either Steve or Keith alone on all of your shifts." I raise an eyebrow, challenging her to continue.

"Okay, I'll stop but I just think you two would be cute, and I know you two like each other. I can see it." She says holding her books in defense.

"I think you're delusional, plus shouldn't you be leaving to get to work on time since band isn't needed today?" I ask her, packing my backpack.

"Okay, I may be delusional most days but I promise you not on this." Robin laughs, removing her back from the locker.

"And yeah, Steve's probably outside. I'll see you tomorrow night at work though, and make sure you tell me everything that happens." She calls out, turning down to walk towards the exit.

"Nothing is going to happen!" I yell, hearing footsteps approach me on my other side.

"What's not going to happen?" A curious Eddie asks as I look over.

"Robin was just being stupid and teasing me about not having anything to do on a Friday since I'm off." I shake my head, throwing my bag over my shoulder while my free hand closed my locker.

"Oh?" He asks, playing with his rings.

"Yeah, but actually would you be free tonight for me to come... visit? I got paid yesterday." I trail off, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear.

"Are you already out again?" Eddie chuckles as I redden.

"No but I'm getting close, I don't think you understand how much I uh-consume a day." I chose my words carefully, waving as Mrs. Click walks pass us.

"Would around 8:30/9 work for you? I have hellfire tonight and it's probably going to go on late tonight." He asks.

"Yeah, I'll be there then. Thank you, see you then." I smile, touching his arm before waving goodbye.

I wait till it's closer to nine to leave my house, determining it would be better to arrive later in case he wasn't done as early as he thought.

Pulling into his driveway I see his van parked and Eddie waiting on the porch for me, smoking a cigarette.

"How was your campaign?" I ask climbing out of my car as he stands up.

"It actually went really well, how was having some free time for once?" Eddie teases while I make my way to the porch.

"Actually I uh did homework for most the night, but now I don't have to worry about finishing anything this weekend." I tell him, shrugging slightly, feeling my lips turn up into a smile.

"You're something else (Y/L/N)." He chuckles, opening his door for me.

"Same as usual right?" Eddie asks as I nod.

As he goes to weight it I sit on the couch opening my draw string bag I brought with me.

"Yow know, I um checked this out last night before I left work because in the next couple months everyone's going to want it once the second one comes out. I still haven't gotten around to re-watching it, and really don't want to waste the money I spent renting it?" I explain, waving Nightmare On Elm Street between my fingers.

"Is that your way of asking if I want to watch it with you tonight?" Eddie grins teasingly, walking over to hand me the bag he filled.

"Might be." I laugh, handing him his money and the tape.

"What if I would of been busy tonight?' He questions, humor in his voice as he puts the tape in.

"Then I guess you would of had to cancel." I tell him, raising an eyebrow as Eddie shakes his head making his way towards the couch.

Smoke filled the room while we watched the movie.

Even though I had seen this a few times, I tucked my head against his shoulder throughout different portions of the movie. My high making me jump more than I would usually.

"Scared princess?" Eddie smirks, lighting another joint he had rolled.

"No," I lie, taking the joint from him as he gives me a blank stare.

"I'm not, I'm more like grossed out." I laugh, bringing it to my lips, still leaning onto him with my feet tucked under me.

"Don't like gore?" He asks, watching my mouth pull away from the joint.

"No, not at all." I admit, holding down a cough as his fingers linger longer than usual when I pass him the smoke.

"Then why would you pick a glory movie?" Eddie snorts.

"I didn't remember it being it this bad." I tell him truthfully, feeling his arm wrap around to hold me while he leans forward to ash the joint.

"You know, if you wanted to cuddle with me you could of just asked." Eddie jokes, leaning back to pass it to me.

"I didn't want to cuddle with you." I shake my head in response, inhaling the smoke.

I felt my cheeks start to redden as the air seemed to shift, wondering if there was tension between us or if I was just high and imagining it.

"Babe, you're already are." Eddie laughs, giving my side that he was holding a light squeeze.

"Munson, if I wanted to get under you I wouldn't have had to use a scary movie, that's just more work on my part." I tell him, smirk playing on my lip as I give him the last hit.

"Are you calling me easy?" He asks, eyes gleaming as he inhales the rest before putting it out, strong grip never leaving my side.

"I don't know, are you?" I tease, feeling my heart starting to beat faster at the way he was looking at me.

"Are you trying to find out?" He questions, eyes moving from my lips to my eyes while his hand traces circles on the exposed part of my hip.

I took a deep breath, resting my hand onto his chest.

"And if I was? What would you do?" I ask batting my eyes lightly, the glimmer of the forgotten movie lighting his face.

"What would you let me do?" He gulps, other hand moving to hold my knee.

"Honestly? Anything." I barely whisper, this time taking my eyes from his to his lips and back.

Taking that as a sign, Eddie leans in gently. His lips brushing against mine as his hand lightly digs into my thigh, both of us holding our breath as our lips meet.

Kissing back slowly, I feel him part his lips lightly against mine. The tenderness of the kiss making me breath heavy as he presses into the kiss a little harder. I feel my hand grip his shirt tighter as my other hand moved to hold the back of his head.

We sit there for a few minutes, lips connecting sweetly as we explore each other's mouths. His tongue lightly licking my bottom lip before entering. The feeling of his hair between my fingers made me moan as he ran his tongue against mine, a little rougher than how he had been kissing me.

Not removing my mouth from his, I lift myself up slightly so I can slide onto his lap. Straddling him, I feel his hands move to hold the tops of my thighs as I slowly rock my hips against his. The kisses start to get a little heavier as I start pulling his jacket off his chest, biting his lip lightly between kisses.

I felt like I never wanted this moment to end, the taste of weed and cigarettes taking up my taste buds as I slide my tongue against his. Eddie groans against my mouth, his hands roaming up underneath my shirt to hold me close.

Pulling away I felt my chest feeling like my heart was about to burst through my shirt.

"Eddie?" I ask him, resting my forehead against his.

"Hm?" He hums at me, breathing as heavily as I was.

"If you want this, then that's all this will ever be. Nothing more, and I'm okay with it if you are but I just needed you to know in case you thought this was something else." I tell him watching him take in the information as I pull back slightly.

"If you don't want to do that then we can forget this ever happened." I continue nervously, loosening up my grip on his shirt.

Eddie licks his lips lightly as I held my breath. In reality it had only been a few seconds but the cloudiness of my mind made it feel like forever.

"(Y/N), I'm okay with this if you are." He reassures me, hands moving to hold my hips as he looked at me deeply.

"Are you sure? I don't want you to do something you don't actually want to do." I ask, watching as he groans teasingly.

"God, why won't you listen to what I say?" Eddie laughs, moving to lay me down on the couch beneath him.

Climbing over me, I smile as he hovers above my face.

"When I say I'm okay with something, I'm okay with it. Doesn't matter if it's this, giving you more weed, or anything. If I said it's okay, then it's okay." Eddie tells me, smile playing on his lips.

"Okay." I nod biting my lip as he leans down to connect his with mine again.

Pulling away he starts kissing on my neck, hands running beneath my shirt to pinch my nipples lightly causing me to gasp underneath him.

"Now, let me make you feel good." Eddie breaths against me, licking a sensitive spot on my neck.

"Okay," I nod, eyes closed as I whimper at the feeling of his rough tongue against my neck. The coolness of it soothing the hash bites and nips he trails across it.

"Good, because you deserve to relax princess." He tells me, tongue connecting with my ear lobe, as my shoulder tenses in response.

"Uh, uh. Sweetheart, lets see you loosen up." He tsks, biting my lobe, causing me to cry out beneath him as I take a deep breathe in hopes of relaxing my body.

"Good girl sweetheart, how about we get these pants off?" Eddie praises, pulling up to unbutton my jeans.

Hooking his long fingers with the inside of the pants, he pulls them down completely along with the purple lace panties I had wore tonight.

"Aw did you expect something to happen tonight sweetheart?" He teases, tossing them to the floor.

"No, but I wore them in case." I admit, breathing hitching as he licks up my thigh. His mouth leaving small bites while one of his hands moved to sperate my legs. Pulling it over on to his shoulder.

A gasp slips my lips when Eddie takes his tongue lightly between my folds, licking softly.

One of my hand move to hold his hair as he dives in, tongue meeting my clit as he slowly circles around it.

"Hold as tightly as you need baby." Eddie tells me, taking one hand and tracing his finger up and down slowly before slipping it inside of me. As I arche my back in response feeling Eddie smirk against me.

Matching speed with his finger, he flicked his tongue against my clit while he pumped his finger in and out of me leaving me moaning beneath him.

Taking my freehand I move to lift up my shirt, feeling Eddie help me slide it up with his other hand.

Pitching my nipple I look down to make eye contact with Eddie as he moans against me, brown eyes shinning towards mine.

He adjusts himself so he can support himself up and pay attention my other nipple while my hand holds his hair.

Feeling that usual squeeze in my stomach, I cry out feeling him add another finger.

The feeling of his mouth licking and sucking lightly on my clit driving me wild as the edges of his rings press inside of me when he curls his fingers, pumping them in and out.

"Come on princess, let yourself go. It's okay to relax," Eddie mumbles against me.

"I feel you tensing beneath me. Just breathe okay? Let yourself cum all over me." He assures me before diving back into pleasing me.

Nodding, I take a deep breath, allowing my body to feel the pleasure coming from all directions.

Eddie speeds up a little bit. Fingers pumping faster as his tongue rubs against my clit at the same pace.

"I'm getting close Eddie." I cry out, leaning forward more as he hums against me, bringing his eyes back to mine.

I feel the usual wave of emotion hit my body as I unwind all over him, screaming out his name as he rides out my high on his mouth and fingers.

He pulls fingers out of me, bringing them to my mouth which I opened up obediently for him, licking and sucking on them while he licks me clean below.

"Such a good girl baby." Eddie smirks, pulling away from me as he wipes his mouth clean.

"Think you're ready for me? Or do you need a moment?" He asks, sitting up to undo his jeans.

"I'm ready for you." I nod, leaning forward to help him pull them down as his cock springs up.

"You're just full of many surprises aren't you Munson?" I smirk, leaning forward to lick up his long shaft, hearing him groan from the friction.

"Sweetheart as much as I would love to see what that mouth could do, I almost came while taking care of you." Eddie chuckles, hand going underneath my chin to stop me when I tried to go back down on him.

Nodding I sit up, pulling my shirt off completely as he pulls his off over his head as well.

Climbing on to him I position him below me, moving down slowly as his hands grip my hips harshly.

"Fuck (Y/N), you feel so fucking good wrapped around me baby." Eddie breathes, face scrunching up in pleasure as he bottoms out into me.

"You're so big Eddie, stretching me out completely." I tell him, eyes rolling to the back of my head as I rock against him.

The feeling of his huge cock hitting my cervix makes me whimper as I started to lift and roll my hips against his.

Leaning forward I attach my mouth to his Adam's apple that he had exposed while being a moaning mess beneath me.

I bite the area lightly, letting my nails dig into his chest while I worked on his neck.

"Fuck baby, just like that." Eddie groans, making me moan as I feel the vibrations through his neck while I licked and sucked all over him.

I whimper feeling him adjust below me as he starts pounding into me while I work my hips down.

Moving his head so his lips meet mine, I moan into the kiss, tongue sliding against his as I struggled to hold myself still against him. All the movement from both us making me cry out as I felt my stomach starting to turn again.

Feeling Eddie let go of one side of me, I feel my body shutter when his thumb meets my clit, rubbing a circular motion as we both chased to find our highs.

Eddie moves his other hand to hold my throat, making me look straight at him as he pounds up into me.

"Come on baby, you can do it. " He mutters, leaning down to bite my collarbone.

"Let yourself cum for me again baby, just remember to breathe okay?" Eddie orders bringing kisses to my jaw.

I feel my airway tightening as he brings his mouth towards my neck and ear, licking and sucking making me want to scream as I try my hardest to breathe through the stimulation at hand.

"Cum for me princess, cum all over my cock." He whispers.

Taking a deep breathe I cry out feeling my stomach twist, knowing I was done for.

"Eddie, I'm cumming. Fuck." I let out, feeling him not stop his motions as I ride out my orgasm.

Once I was done I felt Eddie twitch inside me, warm liquid pooling as his thrusts got sloppier.

Pulling off of him, I lay down onto the couch, not being able to breathe.

Eddie gets up tiredly, walking to find me a cloth get get cleaned up with.

"Do you want to stay the night?" Eddie asks, still breathing heavily as he hands me my clothes. Shaking my head, I go to pull my shirt over my head.

"Eddie I can't, I told you what this was going to be. That's going out of territory." I sigh, standing up to put on my bottoms.

"Come on just this once, it's late and you're still a little stoned. We smoked more that usual and I don't want to risk you getting hurt." He pleads, grabbing my hand to pull me towards him.

I sigh, looking up into his eyes while pressed against his chest, knowing he was right.

"Only this one time Munson, I swear." I tell him, watching his eyes light up the few inches above mine.

It didn't end up being that one night only.

It's been a few more months since that night and I have spent the night at least one time every weekend, breaking my own rule because I couldn't say no to those big doe eyes.

It had became ritual to hook up either before school or after school, (sometimes even during school,) at least once a day.

Robin and Steve have teased me, especially the day after the first night because it looked like I had been mauled by a bear by the time I had gotten to work the next day.

But they say I look happier, which I shrug off because there wasn't any reason for me to be happier. We were just two people hooking up.

At least we were supposed to be.

But not long after, things started to go into a territory it shouldn't have.

It started off with small things, Eddie leaving notes in my locker. Sometimes leaving hand picked flowers in my drivers side for me to find after school.

Hell he even brought me lunch at work a few times, trying to pass it off that it was because Dustin wanted to visit Steve.

With every action I would ask him if he was okay with what we're doing, scared he wasn't. But he would always say he was fine with our arrangement, it was my fault I listened.

It wasn't that I didn't like how Eddie was treating me, to be honest I was shocked most the time because I had never had anyone do the things he's done.

The last time I had fully dated anyone was my freshman year and we promised each other to still talk over the summer and see about me coming down to visit. But before I was supposed to visit I found out he had started hooking up with the girl who was supposed to be my best friend.

After that I swore I wasn't going to date again, or make friends, just leave things casual with me and anyone.

Which is why I wasn't sure how casual it was with me laying in Eddie's arms cuddling with him on a Friday night after hooking up for probably the millionth time.

I felt his fingers run up and down my arm as my eyes grew heavy.

"Do you think you could come see me play Tuesday?" He asks out of nowhere causing my eyes to open up wide.

"What?" I question, sitting up slightly to look down at him.

"Would you come see us play Tuesday, it's been months of this and you still haven't came to a show." Eddie tells me, moving to sit up with me.

Holding one of his blankets to my chest, I stand up.

"Eddie, you know I work Tuesdays." I tell him nervously, looking for my clothes on the floor.

"Just ask for the day off." He shrugs, standing up with me.

Grabbing my shirt off the floor, I throw it on.

"Eddie why would I ask for a day off to see you play? We aren't serious enough for me to do that." I ask him, feeling anger starting to take over.

"Not serious enough (Y/N)? Then what the hell have we been doing?" He expresses, raising his voice slightly as I grab my jeans.

"We've been having fun Eddie, and it's not my fault if you couldn't keep your eyes on the agreement we had made." I spit at him, the words hitting him like venom.

"Well I'm sorry for thinking you had started to feel the same way I did." Eddie rolls his eyes, grabbing his shirt to put on.

"I think we need to end this." I tell him going to grab my purse as he pulls my hand.

"Wait, please don't go." He begs as I take a deep breath, realizing how serious this fight had gotten.

"Eddie, I think I need to leave before you get hurt and your heart gets broken." I whisper, watching his eyes break.

"(Y/N) I don't care if you hurt me, because guess what if you walk out that door my heart is going to break either way. I would rather have whatever this is as long as I can before it does get broken." Eddie admits to me causing my eyes to water, tear slipping down my face.

Shaking him off my arm and wiping away the tears, I start walking towards the door before turning around slightly.

"That's why I have to go Eddie, I couldn't stand to know how much you were hurting and that it was my fault. I might as well leave before it gets worse." I apologize, turning towards the door before rushing out.

Eddie follows me out in his boxers and t-shirt calling out to me, begging for me to stay and fix things.

I ignored his advances pulling out of his drive with tears streaming heavily, seeing him follow me out into the street, yelling as he watched me drive away.

Getting home I made my parents promise to tell anyone who may show up other than Robin that I wasn't feeling well or accepting visitors.

I called out from work the next two days, knowing Eddie would show up looking for me and I wouldn't be able to handle seeing him.

Robin came by Sunday night after work demanding to know what was going on.

"Tell me what is going on with you? It's not like you to call out one day let alone two in a row." She asks sitting next to me while I sniffle against my pillow, not wanting to look at her.

"I just feel like a bad person. I broke one of my few rules and hurt someone important to me." I tell her, feeling the sympathy radiate off of her.

"Is this about Eddie?" She whispers quietly, bringing her hand to rub my hair.

"Mmh. And god, why do you and Steve have to be so great too? All of you made me break my rules." I sob into my pillow as she laughs lightly, patting my head.

"(Y/N) most rules are meant to be broken at one point or another." Robin tells me as I catch my breath to look at her.

"You don't understand why I have them." I remind her, sitting up slightly as she scoots over.

"Then tell me, and then maybe tell Eddie." She asks as I nod slightly.

"My freshman year I fell head-over-heels for this sophomore, thought it was love. All that 14-15 year old crap." I laugh lightly as she nods, listening.

"We did everything together, went on dates, car rides, even lost my virginity to him." I continue, playing with my hands nervously.

"And then I moved and we continued talking on the phone for the first month of summer all the time. But then he started missing calls, or getting off the phone earlier than usual. Then when I would try to call my 'best friend' she would be missing calls as well, and that went on for about a month before I was supposed to go down for the fourth of July." I tell her.

"Then what happened?" Robin asks, face in her hand as her arm rests on her knee

"Then a week before I was about to come down Bailey called me crying one night, telling me she was sorry and hated herself. Told me she had started hooking up with Michael a few weeks prior." I sigh, feeling my eyes water as hers widen.

"No way." Robin exclaims as I nod.

"Yeah, and when I confronted Michael he said it was all true. So from there on out I refused to make friends or even try to let someone in." I finish, feeling her rest her hand on my knee.

"Why didn't you just tell Eddie that? Look I don't know him very well, but I don't think he could ever do that to you, also I think he would understand what that kind of trauma could do to you." Robin reassures me.

"I don't know if I'll ever speak to him again. He deserves better than me, I'm selfish and don't know how to be social since everything. He deserves someone who can match his energy, which isn't me." I tell her, sniffling to hold back tears as she gives me a sympathetic smile.

"Look (Y/N), you clearly care about him. And I know he gives off golden retriever energy once you start talking to him and you're more of a black cat energy kind of girl. But those sometimes are the best combinations." She tells me, smile still holding on her lips.

"Trust me, I do work in a movie store, so I do know the best couples." She teases softly.

"Do you think you could do me a huge favor?" I ask her as she nods.

"Anything." She agrees.

I spent the next two days avoiding Eddie the best I could. I would turn back down the hall when I saw him walking, would hide in the bathroom telling the teacher's I was having girl problems. Even ate lunch in the my car and parked down the block in case he decided to go see if I was outside.

I had went to work on Monday, and spent most the night in the back putting the newest tapes into the system.

But by the end of the night Steve had said there wasn't any sight of Eddie.

Now I was sitting in my car tapping my fingers nervously as I stared at the little rundown bar in front of me, wondering if I should actually go in.

Robin had agreed to skip band practice this once to take my shift so I could come tonight.

Glancing at the clock I realized it was now and never, and knew if I didn't go in Robin would kill me for making her take my shift.

Walking inside I hear them playing from the corner stage in the bar.

The lights illuminating only the stage and the bar for those wanting drinks.

I take a seat at the bar stool closest to the door, watching as they finished the song.

Eddie looks around at the small crowed who was hooting and hollering before speaking.

"Our last song for the night is a sneak peak of something I'm working on. So far it is unheard of outside of the band, but it's something I've been dealing with recently and it means a lot to me so I hope you all enjoy." He tells the crowd before starting to strum his guitar, fingers moving up and down as the rest of the band seemed to follow.

I watched him play. Seeing his face focus in concentration, tongue peaking out slightly as he worked against the instrument.

His long hair that was usually free was held back by the black bandana that mostly took home in his back pocket.

Pieces of his hair remained free though, peaking out around his face as his arm muscles flexed slightly with every pluck he gave the cords.

I didn't know what to expect when he opened his mouth, I hadn't heard him sing at all yet.

But god when he opened his mouth I thought I was going to die. If I hadn't already fucked him, I would of wanted to right there.

His voice was so raspy and sexy as he sung into the microphone, keeping eye contact with the crowd.

I listened admiring the beauty of him and his words watching him belt out the rest of the lyrics.

"Oh and my love," He sang into the microphone. Lips brushing against the metal as his eyes came to the bar.

"Did I mistake you for a sign from god?" Eddie hums out, his eyes getting pulled to meet mine.

I feel my cheeks redden as he adjusts his guitar, clearly surprised to see me.

I watch him as he continues, not looking away from me.

"Or are you really here to cut me off?" He questions, eyebrow raising slightly, handing moving down the next of his guitar.

"Or maybe just to turn me on?" He teases into the mic, leaning more towards my side of the bar as he gets into his song.

"Cause these days." He continues as I feel different emotions start to run through my body.

"I would be lying if I told you that, I didn't wish that I could be your man." Eddie sings strongly, both hands moving to hold the mic.

"Or maybe make a good girl bad." He sings out breathy as I feel tears start to run down.

Wiping them away I leave, not wanting to be seen crying in the bar.

Wanting to run away from everything I find myself parked at lover's lake, just thinking about my life and the choices I made. Wondering if it was my fault for how miserable it was.

Laying on the hood of my car I smoked, hoping to find some peace while I decided what to do.

Moving to sit in my car I see the time flash as I start it.

10:17pm.

I start my car, not even having a destination in mind as I start to drive.

Just letting my high lead my subconscious as I head down the road.

Which is why I'm not that surprised when I find myself outside of the Munson's trailer.

But Eddie's van was no where in sight, even with how late it was I hoped he would be home at some point soon.

I opened my car door, lighting a cigarette, listening to music as I waited to the metalhead to get home.

Eddie's P.O.V.

"What do you mean you haven't seen her Robin? She's your friend." I ask her, rubbing my temple feeling a headache starting to form.

"As far as I knew she was supposed to go see you." Robin tells me, loading tapes onto a cart.

"She did, but she left in the middle of a song. It looked like she had started crying." I explain her.

"Why did she start crying? And did you check her house?" Robin questions as I follow behind her.

"Probably because the song was about us, and yes of course I checked her house first. Do you know where else she may be?" I sigh, feeling defeated while she starts loading the sci-fi section.

"I don't really. She is always either at school, work, home, or your house." She shrugs in response.

"Okay, thank you anyway." I tell her, going to head back home in hopes of her calling.

"Wait Eddie, I think there's something you might want to know about why (Y/N) is the way she is." Robin calls, stopping me.

"What is it?" I ask turning around.

Reader's P.O.V-

I see the van pull up as Eddie's face lights up seeing my car.

Parking next to me, he hops out as I stand up out of my seat.

Eddie takes the first step, walking to wrap his arms around me tightly.

Connecting my body with his, I hold him close. Feeling the tears start to fall down my face as I hug him.

"I'm sorry." I sniffle against his shoulder.

"No it's okay, I'm sorry. I didn't know what you had been through." He shushes me as I pull away slightly, eyes still watering as I look at him confused.

"Don't be mad at Robin, I went to the store looking for you and she told me about what happened your freshman year." Eddie tells me, bringing his hands to wipe away my tears.

"I should of told you before things got this serious." I admit, bringing my hands to hold his wrist as he cradles my face.

"Are we still serious?" Eddie asks hopefully, smiling pulling on his lips as his head tils towards me.

"Do you want to be?" I ask, eyes lighting up as the moonlight danced across his face.

"More than anything." He nods, eyes gleaming down at me.

"Good, because I want this too." I smile, feeling Eddie bring his lips to mine.

The kiss feeling soft against my lips as he pressed his into mine.

"So does that mean you're going to be my girl?" Eddie smiles, pulling away slightly.

"And you're going to be my man?" I nod happily, referring to the lyrics he sung earlier that night.

Standing up slightly on my the tips of my toes, I connect my lips with his.

Deciding it was okay to be vulnerable with him.

----

If you made it this far just know I LOVE YOU for reading my work even if you didn’t enjoy it. Thank you so much for your time because I know it was long.

#eddie munson fluff #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson #eddie munson smut #eddie munson x plus size reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x female reader #stranger things #joseph quinn #joseph quinn imagine #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson fic #eddie munson angst #joseph quinn x female reader

415 notes · View notes

majorpepperidge · 10 months

Note

So I'm going anon for this because I do not know if my thoughts will get me crucified by Pen fans, so this is me being safe.

For starters, I wanna state, when I got my physical copy of Sandrock, I already knew what I was going into when it came to Pen (and in turn, Matilda, Yan, and Miguel). I already knew they were the big bads thanks spoilers I saw, but even then, I could probably see them as bad guys a mile away (Yan is a sleazy scam artist, Matilda oozes passive aggressive southern bitch, and I say that as a southern myself. And Miguel oozes snob, and while not a villainous trait, is mainly associated with villains). So, even before knowing Pen was a villain, he already gave me major Gaston vibes so I was already kind of sus of him.

It made me very wary and kind of squint at him, but even then I was curious about his character. This man comes off as very showboaty, there had to be more. Cue me seeing his romance stuff and going "Okay so he is like a massive dork! You know, that kind of makes sense, big and tough, comes off as an ass, actually is a dork. That's a neat-" //cue the Knives Out update (i think it was that update), Pen being revealed as a bad guy and his romance dialogue mentioning he had OTHER LOVERS AND THE PLAYER WAS JUST ANOTHER NOTCH IN HIS BELT

"Nevermind you are dead to me you son of a bitch"

And while I say that, I am still curious on Pen's character, but more so in the terms of I want to punch this man as well. Something about that line has always rubbed me the wrong way. Since it feels like Pen doesn't actually care about the player. Which makes it worse since his final quest before being shipped off to prison, his last letter to the player if romance just NAILS it in the coffin but his PLATONIC LETTER MAKES PEN COME OFF AS MORE GEUINE.

Pen's romance letter comes off as just...gross and manipulative. Saying he forgives you for literally doing the right thing and not standing back and letting him destroy Sandrock. While in his platonic letter, Pen seems to see the player as his equal, mentioning how he wishes the player picked up his space punch, but was still confident in the player.

Which leads me to this, yes it took awhile to get to this: I seriously feel like, canon Pen, should have STAYED a platonic option for players. Him as a romantic partner character for players just...dose not end well, nor settle right in my stomach, especially since when you look at his lovey dovey stuff and then how he is at the end of the game, it feels Pen is luring the player, placing the rose-tinted glasses on and capturing them in his clutches. I am probably SERIOUSLY looking to much into it, and it could be just Pathea sucking at writing, which you know, I can see that, even Portia had questionable writing at times.

Now that all said, I do propose a way to make Pen's romance more interesting and less very tittering on the edge of a horrid toxic relationship (maybe). And that answer is simple: BREAK PEN'S FUCKING FAKE ASS JOCK PERSONA. It's clear from what I can tell in game, and in his end game letter, Pen can be genuine. Sure in his own assholeish way sometimes, but Pen can be a genuine person. The problem comes in the fact, from what I can tell at least, Pathea never really gives him the chance to let that shine. It would be fun to see Pen actively struggle with his duties with Duvos and the player, maybe becoming torn between Sandrock or his own nation. Or hell, have scenes where the player catches Pen overhear people talking about the horrors Duvos causes and more, and Pen seemingly so out of characterly TIRED. The man knows his nation is fucked, he knows it is a horrid broken mess that is hellbent of destroying everyone in the search of what they want, but he knows he also can't stop it. Maybe because he has had first hand experience in seeing what they could do or more. Has this become a giant rewrite idea, yeah it had but I feel like I should add it here near the end since while I want to strangle the asshat Pen is like an interesting character still that got done dirty story wise.

OKAY RAMBLING OVER, I AM SO SORRY FOR THE WORD WALL? Uh feel free to like delete this or what, idk, I just had to get my thoughts out and you seem to be the only active Pen fan I could find who I think has proposed decent rewrites or talked about how Pen is written not great sometimes? So yeah, again sorry for the word wall and uh bye

-Writing Anon

Hey, these are good thoughts anon! And I agree! Pen's writing is all over the place and I'm sure some of that can be attributed to weird localization differences/choices alongside the general clunky ending to his story. His characterization can sometimes make it hard to tell when he's lying and when he's not.

Some more time showing the depths of his character, while still keeping his dorkiness (which i believe is genuine, fight me pathea, alongside him loving the Builder and the 'multiple lovers' line was just meant to get under their skin so it'd be easier for them to hate him), and showing that maybe he DID have some internal crisis abt his bond with the Builder, romantic or plantonic, and his loyalty to Duvos. It would've been SO MUCH MORE INTERESTING to have someone like him be more of an unwilling villain. I know for my Exile AU stuff he's not as posturing/boisterous because he's not having to act anymore(and keep a lower profile to keep Duvos from sniffing him and Ray out), but it's still THERE because it's still part of him. I want to keep him being a larger-than-life cocky dork while not ignoring the sins he committed as a Knight and how he's struggling to move past it (and feel like he's worth Ray's love and loyalty despite all he did to her and Sandrock itself)

#Asks for Cheri #My Time at Sandrock #Pen #MTAS Pen #It wouldn't take much tweaking to make him redeemable imo #He just needs attention and tbh he's not the only character lacking in it #MTAS cast is p big and the devs absolutely had favorites that got more writing depth

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letters2am · 25 days

Text

1st February 2022 (10:54 PM)

Dear M

I dismissed my feelings for you for the sake of normality, civility, societal rules & what not. I even stopped writing these letters, but today I realised it doesn't matter. For the first time I felt something really strong, after seeing you with your love interest.

I completely understand I am not your match, we are two complicated people, and there is not even a question of you in my life. I am with my husband (now estranged), and he cares deeply for me (as he says). To him, I've confessed that I don't love him anymore & he seems to be appalled by it but wants to turn things around, I'll leave it at that.

All I could do is, be honest with you. You know, I am one of those people who won't find love in their life. I believed it was merely a crush that I had on you and it will pass, but it just won't.

My feelings resurface every now and then, and it hurts to deal with them. I don't know what am I supposed to do with these, I hope they will fade away soon. I am doing okay without you, and I hope you'd be happy, always. When you told me that you are happy these days, I felt relief. I know I never dared to ask you but did my letter do anything for you? I mean, I do imagine that it made you feel special, and you realised that you could love again, and then you decided to leave your soul sucking job & date your flatmate.

You are special though, you are to me. I don't understand why, for the world we have never met before 2019, we've never talked much, I have no idea if you felt that connection with me, but I was smitten the day I saw you. My feelings don't come from a place of desperation, like when wives whose husbands are emotionally unavailable are. I feel for you what I feel for you, it's pure, it's there to stay, but like my letters it's safe with me, only mine not yours to have or see. You are in my dreams, my thoughts, my letters, my diaries and my being. It doesn't get better than that.

I apologise for deciding to archive you in telegram and delete my instagram after seeing you with her, I guess it was spur of the moment reaction, but I'll make peace with it. I will tell you all my stories, all my life. I had a similar thing for a band member of my college and years later I told him that I had a crush on him -- he turned out to be an ass, I am glad that I did tell him. I never spoke to him before that so I think it wasn't unrequited but who cares.

First time I fell in love, he was my best friend in school. We dated for 3-4 months, I was head over heels, writing poetry, couldn't stop smiling whenever I saw him, we'd walk to school together and even while coming back to my bus stop. It was like a dream. Back then, I had no fucking clue what 16 year old boys were capable of, I was naive, I wanted to be his wife, and how most first loves are, he was dating this other girl on the side and next thing I know was him telling me that he just wants to be friends. I think he was doing me a favour by being half honest, I was inconsolable. After having my eyes cried out, I burned my poetry pages and stopped talking to him.

He gave my phone number to every goon-type guy in the city and I was haunted for next 2 years of my life. What an ass! He has been the biggest so far. I also had a weird friendship with this guy I got to know in my first job (I helped him in need), he clung to me like a leech and never let go, any mention of him still sends shivers down my spine. I have blocked him on every social media. It was ugly in the end. I am a complete dunce.

So far, I've not felt any lust for you - just have this warm feeling inside of me that while I am writing all this, you have no idea that I feel this way and yet I am okay because you crossed my path in life, saw me and were kind to me like no other.

Will write soon, bye for now!

#letters2am #love #personal #letter #dearm

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rottenholiday · 9 months

Text

A letter to the crushes of the past

❤️1. I think you were an accident. To this day im not sure if my crush on you was genuine or if it was proximity combined with pressure from our parents. Either way im glad i grew out of it

❤️2. You were a mistake. I got lucky that you were never really interested in me other than to vent about your other "conquests"

❤️3. You were cool. Sometimes i wornder what would have happened if we had taken a chance, but i think you're with your soulmate now. I hope you two are happy and thriving

❤️4. You were... a complicated experience. At the time, you made me feel safe, and i gave you a lot of my firsts that probably should have gone to other people. Somehow you managed to be a significant presence in all of my relationships, but you also paved the way for me to have the friends i do now. Sometimes i wonder if you would have had the hold on me you did if i had met others like you way earlier

❤️5. Honestly, you got shafted, and i apologize for that. I met you at a time where i still had feelings for someone else, and you never gave me time to get to know you well. I dont think you ever had my full attention, and you didn't deserve that, but i was also not going to be your savior. You needed a better family, not a lover. I wish you had figured that out before you went down your current path. It's going to end you if you're not careful and no one will be able to help

❤️6. You were and are a walking red flag. How you haven't been blacklisted from the public is beyond me. Maybe you have, i try not to think about you anymore. I wish you would go away completely

7❤️ i think you were the real catalyst to me discovering myself. I wish we could have had more sleepovers. I didn't get to have enough time with you. Sometimes i still get the itch to hug you like before when i see you. I hope you're doing well where you are

8❤️ i kind of wish we hadn't tried to date. I would have happily kept my feelings to myself to keep my friend for a little while longer. I dont think there was any way we could have ended things on good terms and it sucked to lose you like that.

9❤️ I wish we had started off as friends. When i met you wli wasnt fully healed enough to give you the love you deserved, even if i thought i was. I wish i could talk to you again, maybe start over, but i wouldn't even know what to say now.

10❤️ I'm putting you here first because i need you to know that you are similar, but not the same. I really do like you for you, but i don't think we would have been able to make it work. There would always be a political undercurrent to our relationship, and i would not have had the patience necessary to make sure we were on the same page every time. I want us to stay friends, or... go back to being friends, and i know in order to do that i have to push through my insecurities to bridge that gap. I don't know if im ready yet, but i hope i get the burst of manic energy necessary to do it soon.

11❤️You might be the hardest to write for. I want to talk to you, but im scared to do so because i have too much to say, and at the same time, the words die in my head every time i try to write them out. I want to talk to you, but I'm terrified of being annoying, and currently the only way to talk to you is to be constanly aware that you may not want to talk to me back, which means i have to be sure that im not trying to talk to you at a time you dont want to talk to me, so its easier to keep my thoughts to myself. I miss being around you while you're being creative, i want to hand out with you again, but right now, i feel like the risk is greater than the reward. Maybe in a few more weeks, i might be willing to risk it, but the thought of trying to talk to you now has become daunting. I dont know how to fix it without potentially making things work. At least now im at a point where i won't cry myself to sleep at night if you reject me.

#don't mind me i just needed to vent #my journal was right there but it's too dark and my hands write too slow #we can call this poetry if you like #might try to revive my tumblr era #of course its angst i dont know any other way to live

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chelleztjs18 · 2 years

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Hello you mrs. lady robin hood honey nut cheerio lefty eyebag 😅

Oh no! Delays suck. But it's good that you guys got to CA safely. That's a long drive from the airport to their house..

I am freezing my butt over here. It is snowing and the temperature is down to 10 degrees. Do you wanna trade? I can go enjoy the heat in CA while you play in the snow here. Hahaha 🤣 so all the clothes you brought are thick layers? Hopefully it does get cold but I doubt it because all the cold temperatures are heading my way haha

Hm so you like stories that have a dark theme to it?

So I listened to some songs of Glass Animals. I love his voice. It gives me a soft bar vibe hahaha I think my favorite so far is Your Love. And I didn't know they are the ones who sings Heat Wave. I like that song too.

Hm is it bad that I have a lot of crushes? Hahaha 😅 okay so technically one of them is the girl from the past that I have been crushing on since grade school. I've always like her since we were younger and we don't talk much now but whenever I see her on social media, it's like feelings come back?? And I hate it lol.

The others are sort of recent. Yeah the tumblr crush, she's cool but I don't know, I don't wanna put feelings into it because it might turn out bad.

Haha I guess I could be. One time for our anniversary, I gave her a book of all the letters I wrote to her but never sent (because we were long distance at first).

Sounds like a busy day! How many brothers does he have? So his parents are not together?

Anyways, it's almost Christmas time! Are you guys going to take Emily to see some lights or decorated houses?

- CuriousGeorge

Corn-punn righty eyebag! Hello hello! I'm back! But i bet u r asleep already since u r 2 hours ahead i think.

I tried not to be rude to be on the phone when they were talking.

How r u? Hows everything in the last 2 days?

Sorry for the late reply.. we went to have sushi for lunch, then went to his brother's house to chill nncatch up. Got mexican food for dinner n too the kids to see christmas light neighborhood. Em fell asleep so easy because she was so tired. She had a big meltdown before go to dinner but thank god we could handle it.hahaha.

I'm so tired today.. i had to wake up early tomorrow because im gonna go to indonesian food place to hv some food n bring home some desert. 😁

Hahaha yeah we can trade place n weather for a bit .today was kinda chilly n windy so i still wore my pull over hoodie n thick jeans at noon n wore my coat at night when we were walking to see the christmas light.

I didnt bring all of the thick clothes but u brought long sleeves. Some of them r thick ones, some of them r thin.. i got upset because i took out the cardigans last minutes. Which they would be perfect for the weather right now.🙄😒

Yeah i like dark stories or thriller that has that vibes i told u. Because usually it focuses more on the antagonist's mind such as why they do what they did, or why they did it n what wrong step they did that got them caught, or the revelation of who did it.. N it's interesting. Even better that usually it has plot twist at the end. I love movies like that. I can recommend u some movies like that if u want. 😊

I wish i can write that kind of story someday.. 😊 a thriller story.

Yeah i love Glass Animals. The singer's voice is pretty unique.. n their style of music is pretty different. I love Your Love song. It inspired an interesting plot idea..😁

He has 3 younger brothers. He is the oldest. N em is the first granddaughter on his dad's side. His parents divorced a long time ago but they get a long well so they still hang out or attend each other's family gathering.

Yes we took em n her cousins see christmas light neighborhood. There are quite a few big neighborhood that do that every year on christmas n halloween too.

It sucks when i got the chance to reply u, u r either not awake yet or already went to bed because of the time difference. But oh well, i hope it doesnt bore u from waiting. Just leave me next questions after this. Will for sure still reply u asap

Cheerio!

#chellez answers #ask answered #anon answered #curious george anon

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frogtanii · 3 years

Text

[buckle up; this one is a long one (1.6k words)]

things weren’t supposed to turn out this way.

she was supposed to show up, apologize “sincerely,” and the boys, her boys, were supposed to welcome her with open arms and swiftly discard of you.

instead, she was sitting in the back of a cramped police car with two pigs, one of which had a horrible b.o. problem and an affinity for sauerkraut.

it was so frustrating.

and, of course, it was all your fault.

you’d been blocking her from true happiness ever since the beginning when you’d first met in middle school. it was crazy because you’d actually seemed nice; kind, understanding, and you didn’t judge her for what her father did to her mother or for how she acted out because of that.

sure, you were a little weird and sometimes you could be downright rude to other kids in your class but you cared for her in a way that no one else had before.

(un)fortunately, you didn’t come alone — you were a packaged deal. your childhood friend, daishou, came into her life right along with you. she didn’t mind at first; daishou was fun when he wanted to be but he was mostly full of snarky comments and sarcastic quips.

the three of you spent all your time with each other; from playing at the playground to helping her begin her makeup youtube channel in 8th grade.

you all got along pretty well up until you got to highschool. once there, you threw yourself into your studies, sort of retracting yourself from her and daishou.

how selfish.

she couldn’t help but feel betrayed by you—you knew how bad she was at making friends and you didn’t even care, leaving her all alone to fend for herself.

well, not all by herself.

daishou was a constant. no matter where she was, or how alone she was feeling, he was there to provide entertainment at the most, and his presence at the least.

it wasn’t always the healthiest, most functional friendship, she could admit that. there were weeks that daishou would choose to ignore her for no apparent rhyme or reason, citing his explanation as he just didn’t feel like it.

obviously it sucked but he was her only friend, ever since you so cruelly abandoned them. i mean, you still ate lunch with them every day and invited them over to study and hang out, but it was not the same.

with you so absent, she grew closer and closer to daishou to the point she was spending almost every waking moment with him. and, as the story so goes, she fell for him, head over heels.

she knew it was a bad idea, if their friendship was anything to go off of but she didn’t care. she was desperate for love and physical affection and he seemed willing to at least give her the latter.

after she decided to confess, nerves all the way in her throat and a box of chocolates behind her back, daishou took her virginity in the back of his ford fusion, hard, fast and nothing like she’d imagined.

the next day, she’d cornered you in the library (where you always seemed to be) to tell you the good news. your face was unusually blank as she detailed the best night of her life to you, your response being less than stellar when she was done. “please be careful,” you had said.

what did that even mean? you clearly wanted to keep daishou safe from her which was ridiculous because weren’t you supposed to be her friend too? she’d stormed out of the library after that, determined to demand a kiss from daishou to make her feel better.

that day was one of the last that she’d see you for a while. you got caught up with clubs and schoolwork (and apparently therapy for god knows what) while she got caught up with daishou.

things with him weren’t... great. they never really were but things were getting even worse. his random bouts of silence got longer and though it was only freshman year and they’d been dating for less than 5 months, he’d meet with her after school with a hickey plastered on his collarbone that she knew she didn’t put there (she sucked even harder over the spot to claim it as her own).

as she said, things weren’t great but they weren’t horrible either. they remained that way all the way up until sophomore year.

you and her had drifted even further, hardly speaking to one another unless it was for a project or to vaguely greet one another in the halls. it was okay though. you had all your other friends and she... well she had daishou.

speaking of, her “boyfriend” had been more distant than usual. she wasn’t an idiot and she knew he’d been seeing other girls on the side, but she believed she would be the one he’d end up with, the one he’d marry.

how foolish she had been.

it was prom night and she felt beautiful. her beauty channel had finally begun picking up traction (she’d just hit 13k subscribers the night before!!) so she filmed a prom night makeup tutorial, making sure that every square inch of her face was perfect. donning a silky blue floor length dress, she felt like a princess and she certainly looked the part.

she showed up to daishou’s house about 30 minutes before the event, ringing his doorbell with an elated grin painted all over her face. he had mentioned in passing that his parents and older sister would be out for the weekend, leaving the house for themselves. that meant sex and sex meant being wanted.

after the third ring of the bell, she started to get nervous. maybe he wasn’t ready yet? maybe he needed help with his tie? just when she was about to wring the bell again, the door swung open to reveal daishou... not in his suit.

“oh, it’s you,” he’d grumbled. “‘m not goin’ to prom.” she felt her breath catch in her throat. she’d protested and begged for an explanation but he wouldn’t give one to her. eventually, she’d followed him into his house, furious because how could he do this to her? on her night?

it didn’t take very long for him to get fed up, his snake-like eyes honing in on her, filled with venom. “‘m not goin’ because i don’t like you anymore. you still look pretty though.”

just like that, with just a few words, he’d shattered her heart. she was frozen in place, completely disconnected from daishou, her love, as he not-so-gently pushed her out the door, slamming it in her face.

she felt tears stream down her cheeks and before she knew it, her legs were carrying her to a place she hadn’t been in months.

banging frantically on the door, she cried out, begging for someone, anyone to hear her. the door opened quickly and there you stood. you’d clearly been studying but as you took in her frazzled appearance, it seemed as though your heart broke.

you ushered her inside, sat her own the couch, and began to make her a cup of tea, your parents having been out for the night as well. once the kettle went off, you quickly prepped her drink and gave it to her, the words flowing out of her like liquid once she had taken a sip.

she didn’t know why she was even there but despite the animosity between the two of you, you seemed like you truly... cared. (neither of you mentioned the tears that stained your favorite t shirt or the quiet apologies you muttered into her hair).

that night quickly went and passed and by the next day, she was feeling rejuvenated and more like herself. however, that feeling quickly dissipated when she caught you in the hallway between classes speaking with daishou behind the stairwell in hushed tones.

within the span of a few hours, her heart had been broken twice and she was sure she’d never felt such heartache before.

she turned on her heel and darted away, avoiding your every attempt to talk to her for weeks and weeks until you just... stopped trying. after you’d cut off conversation, yet again, the sadness quickly festered and morphed into anger.

that anger only grew when she watched you graduate at the top of your class in your senior year, your smile blinding as you accepted your diploma. it only grew when she saw that you had made it into the university of your choice on your instagram story, her own rejection letter torn up in the bottom of her wastebin. it only grew when she saw you’d made your own youtube channel, her own going untouched and neglected (her last video had been a half-assed “get ready with me” that had more dislikes than likes due to her horrible makeup and even worse attitude).

soon enough, the rage had intensified until it had taken over her whole being. she was just so angry at all that you’d done to her, all the ways you’d ruined her life that she couldn’t keep herself from plotting your demise.

when she got the email from the hyper house management team that invited her into the house and offered the option that she could pick someone she wanted to move in as well, her anger turned into excitement.

this was her chance. this was her moment to turn your life into a living hell, to make it at least a fraction of what she went through by your hands.

she was going to make you pay and god, was it going to feel great.

the metal of the handcuffs chafed her wrists as she adjusted herself against the cool leather of the cruiser, the discomfort removing her from her reverie.

yeah, right. it seemed as though she was the only one “paying” right about now.

she tilted her head back to stare at the ceiling, tears filling her eyes but refusing to fall.

things definitely weren’t meant to turn out like this. not at all.

℗ poker face

not like this

series masterlist

(●’◡’●)ﾉ

an - OMFG THE BACKSTORY REVEALED I AM SO OVER IT >:(( this took me forever to write and i still wasn’t able to include everything i wanted to so hop over to my asks if you need any clarification!! oh oh && just a reminder, this playlist is from meiko’s perspective so chances are, things didn’t exactly go just like this wink wonk KAJS ANYWAYS DONT FORGET TO FEED ME ILY <3333

taglist - if your name is in bold, i cannot tag you

@boosyboo9206 • @geektastic84 • @elianetsantana • @trashy-simp • @infinitebells • @6mattsun9 • @suhkusa • @katsulovee • @kotarosbabygirl • @fucktheworlddude • @insomniacwreck • @calumsfringe • @saltylettuce • @chai-blu • @al3x1ss • @hawksyoongi • @jooleuuh • @loubells • @kissungjae • @liberhoe • @tetsurocore • @animeoverdosee • @duhsies • @saiKishaircLip • @afire24 • @premiyagi • @kit-kat428 • @doctorspencereid • @daphnxy • @kyomihann • @maer-333 • @sinoflust19 • @peteunderoos • @peachiikichu • @iidanotlida • @yongboxerrr • @kac-chowsballs • @tanakaslastbraincell • @memorableminds • @risjime • @starry-magicshop • @sugavwara • @smuttyanimeslut • @kiwibirbs-library • @haijkk • @airybnb • @crybabygumi • @iwaisa • @decaffinatedtealover • @notameera • @kawaii-angelanne • @rintarovibes • @urlocalsimp • @keiarma • @shrimpypenis

the rest of the tags will be in the replies!!

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theminecraftbox · 2 years

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do you think c!Dream ever physically lashed out at c!techno while they were in prison together? I mean like if he got too close, would he swing at him as a reflex? I’d imagine c!techno would either take a single punch like a champ as c!Dream’s already weak or like,,catch his arm before his fist makes contact. The later would probably lead trigger only more trauma responses from Dream. How do you think Techno would handle it?

/dsmp /rp

Yeah. And on top of what you’re saying, I think Dream probably lashed out at him intentionally, too, in addition to unintentionally.

Reasons:

Dream hasn’t been able to fight back against someone without terrible consequences for a long time. He misses fighting, the physicality of an even playing ground.

Dream doesn’t want Techno to think he’s weak, or soft—he wants Techno to believe he’s capable of violence. He’s strong. This place hasn’t broken him.

Dream is angry at Techno for being trapped here, and for seeing him like this, and for messing up the plan. He knows this anger is mostly irrational—in fact, it’s really Dream’s fault, he knows, he’s the one who was weak enough to write the damn letter, but that just makes him madder. (Hell, the first thing he did when Techno arrived was punch him.)

Dream is used to playing into everyone’s worst assumptions about him. Techno dares to think he’ll be reasonable? Well, he’s got another thing coming.

Techno’s irreverence and minimizations, while typically the type of optimistic sarcasm Dream can understand and see through, sometimes really sting in ways Dream isn’t prepared for. Sometimes Techno saying, “come on, this place isn’t that bad, cheer up, roomie, quit complaining!” sounds too similar to what Sam tells him, how Quackity mocks him, what Sapnap clearly thought of him. Sometimes it hurts to hear that he’s whining for no reason (even though Techno’s right; things are so much better now.) Sometimes it feels too much like he’s just being ordered to keep sucking it up when all he wants to do is scream.

Dream’s been forcing himself to be rational and controlled for so long. He can’t afford to lose control with his abusers. He can afford to lose it at Techno.

Dream’s privacy in one of the most stressful and vulnerable times of his entire life just went from limited to NONE. There’s nowhere for Techno to go; they can’t get out of each other’s hair. If Dream cries, Techno sees it. If Dream gets furious, Techno sees it.

Sam and Quackity and Tommy, and even Bad and Sapnap, have all treated him like he’s a wild animal, one that bites. He doesn’t really feel very human right now.

The last time Dream had a sincere fight was with Tommy and that ended… not well. That was also an example of Dream lashing out physically against someone he thought he could hurt safely, but it was also a lot more sour than with Techno, obviously. I’m not sure Dream is able to articulate to himself the reasons he killed Tommy.

It’s not like he actually wants to kill Techno, or even hurt Techno. He likes Techno, likes him even when he’s getting on his last nerve. Techno’s kind to him. Techno’s funny. Techno’s entertaining. Techno tells him to eat. Techno tells him he’ll protect him from Quackity, that they’ll fight together. (Techno’s arrival made the torture stop.) Not to mention that Techno is an invaluable ally and his only (maybe, maybe, maybe) ticket out of here.

I think Techno would usually handle it with good grace. He’d try to divert Dream’s attention to less destructive outlets. He’d take a punch and laugh it off, and the lack of reaction would sometimes be enough to defuse the whole thing. The fact that Dream obviously isn’t a threat and is obviously posturing is, well, both kinda funny and kinda sad. Dream can tell, which sometimes just makes him angrier: he doesn’t want to be treated with kid gloves.

But the cell is wearing on Techno, too. Sometimes he’s not in the mood to deal with Dream’s bullshit just like Dream doesn’t want to deal with his. Sue him, sometimes a dude just doesn’t want to be punched for no reason. I don’t think he’d hit Dream back, but I could see him overpowering Dream, pinning him or twisting his arm to make him stop—and it would be easy, way too easy. Dream would freeze and go very quiet, and Techno would quickly back off, let him go and try to shrug it all off, and feel awful when Dream retreats to his corner and doesn’t speak for hours. (And feel annoyed that he’s feeling awful for defending himself, but—hey. That’s what this cell does to people, he guesses. He’s not gonna lie, it’s pretty messed up.)

#c!dream and c!techno #pandora’s vault #c!dream and trauma

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moonlit-reveriee · 3 years

Text

NSFW Alphabet

ft. technoblade

concept: a collection of my own personal nsfw headcanons for techno, one for each letter of the alphabet

@saturnsstufff ‘s discord saw it first ;)

A = Aftercare

I like the idea that techno actually gets very clingy after sex. He’ll get up and grab a glass of water or a towel if either of you need it, but if he’s able to, he’ll stay glued to your side the whole time. Even if he won’t admit it, he needs to have that intimacy after sex. He loves the feeling of your body pressed against his as you both cool down. Usually, his hands will be absentmindedly drawing patterns over your skin

B = Body part

Kind of an oddly specific one, but he loves your shoulders. He loves to casually rest his chin on them as he holds you from behind, and bury his face in the crook of your neck as he presses heated kisses on your pulse point. He also considers the way a person carries their shoulders to be an indication of their strength, and how could he see anything but strength in you.

He hadn’t put much thought into his own body before meeting you. He’s learned to love parts of himself because of you. Particularly his scars. They way you gently run your fingers across the rough surface of them, in both intimate and casual settings, made him crave the touch. Now when he looks at them, he thinks of your hands moving across his skin

C = Cum

Fun fact: pigs have 30 minute orgasms

Early on in your sexual relationship, he was very embarrassed by just how much of it there always was. But once you started praising him for it, that became a very different story. He started to take pride in how well he could completely fill you up without even trying

D = Dirty Secret

He would probably never admit it to you, but it’s become a habit of his to think about the last time he had sex with you during battles. He starts to make sure you two always have sex the night before a big fight, so his mind can wander back to it during the haze of battle. He’s not sure if it’s a coping mechanism or what but it certainly helps

E = Experience

You are his first ever sexual partner, but somehow he just.... already knows what he’s doing?? He’s very nervous and considerate the first time, but he does everything perfectly. Once you tell him that, he’s very happy and secretly a bit proud of himself

F = Favourite Position

He loooves to have you in his lap. Either facing him, back to chest, it doesn’t matter. He’ll do everything with you in his lap. Cockwarming, fingering, thigh riding, anything you and him are physically able to do in that position

G = Goofy

He’s usually a bit more on the serious side. Sometimes the two of you will quip at each other during foreplay, but once he gets going, it’s all business. In the moment, he likes to treat is as something special (doesn’t mean he won’t tease you about things after the fact)

H = Hair

He likes to keep himself clean-shaven most of the time. When he’s relaxed and doesn’t have to go to any public events for a long period of time, he’ll let a small amount of stubble grow on his chin. You can always tell when he slacks off on it, cause the stubble on his face brushes roughly against your skin as he kisses down your body...

he doesn’t really shave much below the neck, but he keeps it clean and trims occasionally

I = Intimacy

He’s surprisingly romantic when he wants to be. It’s definitely a side of him only you’re allowed to see. Alone together in his bed, he’ll whisper sweet nothings to you as he slowly draws you to your climax. Even when he’s speaking the most lewd and naughty things to you, he somehow makes them sound affectionate and full of love

J = Jack Off

He loves to watch you masturbate. The first time was a complete accident. He came home late one night to find you curled up with his blankets, breathing heavily as you massaged yourself over your underwear. It wasn’t long before you noticed him in the doorway and jumped, worthlessly attempting to hide what you were doing. He wasn’t sure if it was the blush on your face or the fact that the blanket you chose to cover yourself in was his cape but something urged him to sit on the edge of the bed, still in his armor, and ask you to continue. It was beautiful to simply sit there and watch

K = Kink

He’s a little bit possessive. He loves to mark you in subtle ways so you always remember that you’re his. Especially if you’re going on a trip without him. He’ll drape you in gold jewelry and leave a hickey just out of sight on your neck for good measure. The part that he loves the most about it though, is that you know exactly what he’s doing and show off his signs of possession with pride

L = Location

He prefers to keep most of your sexual acts to the area in and around his cottage. Other than in bed, he loves to press you up against a wall. Sometimes you two get distracted while tending to the farms and end up heatedly making out in the snow. One time, you decide you wanted to lay out some blankets on the floor and do it right in front of the fireplace. He adored the way the firelight danced across your skin. (He’s thought about taking you down to the syndicate room and laying you out across the table. But he came to the unfortunate conclusion that during meetings, he’d never be able to look anyone straight in the eyes ever again. So he’s shelved that idea for the time being. Maybe once the group has disbanded...)

M = Motivation

He loves to be praised by you. During regular day-to-day life, he doesn’t like to accept any compliments from you, usually just brushing them off or responding with a joke. But when you two are alone together and intimate, he drinks that shit up. How can he not believe it when you look up and him with lidded eyes and tell him just how good he makes you feel. Just moaning against his lips as he kisses you is enough to keep him going for a while

N = NO

He will never do anything that involves seeing your own blood. It sets off the voices too much. One day, you randomly got a nosebleed while cooking dinner together. He could smell it before he even saw it. When the voices recognized the deep red color dripping down your face, they wouldn’t stop chanting. He tried to help you clean up, but it became too much to ignore. He had to go out back and slaughter at least a dozen zombies before they shut up. And even then, he was left with a pounding headache. You were extra gentle and sweet with him when you cuddled up in bed together that night

O = Oral

If you’re on the receiving end, be prepared for him to be down there a looooong time. Once he gets his mouth on you, it’s hard for him to pull away. He loves your smell and taste too much. He tries not to get too carried away, but there was one time he made you come 5 times in a row with just his mouth. He was very thorough with his aftercare that night.

He isn’t the one receiving very often. He only really likes it when he’s tired. He loves to sit back in a chair and watch you gently suck him of on your knees in front of him, one hand gently weaving it’s way through your hair

P = Pace

I always imagine him on the slower side. He likes to savor every moment, making sure that every thrust or movement of his hand is intentional and perfectly placed. He takes time to watch you carefully to make sure you’re getting exactly what you need. He’ll go harder before he goes faster

Q = Quickie

As much as he loves to treasure your intimate time together, there are times where he just needs it. Every once and awhile, he’ll be desperate for it and quickly have you against the wall before heading out to run some errands. Sometimes he’ll pull you in, make you cum, and head out the door without saying a single word. He usually feels the need to make up for it when he returns, but you’ve assured him many times that you love sex with him at any pace

R = Risk

Since he’s still fairly inexperienced despite his skills, he’s not super adventurous himself. More often than not, you’re the one bringing new ideas to the relationship. He’s willing to try the new things you suggest. You’ve had a discussion about your limits, and you both understand what goes too far for each other

S = Stamina

He can go multiple times in a row if he wants to, and for a long time. He lowkey loves it when you tire out before him, and you let him keep going while you lie there sleepily in his arms

T = Toy

He doesn’t own any sex toys, but he likes to make sex toys out of everyday objects (as long as they’re safe and properly cleaned of course). He likes the idea of never being able to look at that object the same way again, especially if it’s something either of you use around the house frequently. He would get his hands on some actual toys if you wanted him to. If toys are involved, he prefers them to be used on you, not on him

U = Unfair

He likes to randomly tease you during moments that are absolutely not sexual. Maybe you’re brushing out his hair, complaining about the knots in it. He’ll suddenly respond with “that’s not what you told me in the bedroom last night” leaving you to sit there in shock while he laughs. Or he’ll quote things you said to him during sex completely deadpan and watch as the blush rises to your cheeks

V = Volume

He’s not extremely loud. When he is loud though, he growls. You’ll be able to feels his chest vibrating when you lean into him. Sometimes you can even feel the vibrations through his lips as he pleasures you with his mouth, which is an absolutely crazy and wonderful feeling.

During very domestic moments, he likes to talk a lot during sex. If he comes home from working all day, and he’s missing you greatly, he loves to tell you all about his day while his cock gently rocks inside of you

W = Wild Card

This part is definitely just gonna be me fulfilling one of my personal kinks, but I love the idea of techno going through a heat since he’s part piglin. Maybe it only happens like once a year, but when it’s that time, his senses are kicked into high gear and he’s desperate for you. The two of you have a routine for it by now. You prepare the bedroom by gathering every blanket in the house, and prepping a week’s worth of food & water that can be eaten quickly during the moments when techno’s haze of arousal drops. Once he feels it start to set in, he locks the bedroom door and allows his senses to become completely enveloped by you

X = X-Ray

I like to believe that a lot of the hybrid races are PACKING. It’s one of the many things he’s nervous about on your first time, but seeing the way your able to take him so well every time is such a turn on

Y = Yearning

Both you and him can be too tired to have sex at times, but if he’s able to have you, he’ll take everything he can get. He loves to take care of you if you’ve had a long day, and he knows you’ll do the same for him

Z = ZZZ

If it’s nighttime sex, he can pass out as soon as aftercare is over. But if it’s morning or midday, he can have sex and go about the rest of his day no problem. Since his orgasms are so long, he likes to make you cum more often than he does, and watching you cum invigorates him

#mcyt x reader #techno x reader #technoblade x reader #mcyt smut #techno smut #red:moon #c!techno

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bubblyhoney · 3 years

Text

win for me

warnings: lAnGuAgE, alcohol consumption (both reader and all other characters are of age to drink), marijuana use, Making Out™️, a miniscule Flowers from 1970 reference. PSA: WHEN UR INTOXICATED AND/OR AT A PARTY, TELL UR FRIENDS WHO YOU WILL BE WITH AND WHERE YOU WILL BE AT ALL TIMES. DRINK AND PARTY SAFELY!

tags: sapnap x fem!reader

summary: a collection of moments throughout the beginning of your relationship

words: 5000

A/N: even though this isn’t my most organized or perfect fic this was so incredibly fun to write. and it’s a college!au!! one of my favs. hope you guys like!! let's pretend the pandemic doesn't exist for this one too (please wear ur masks btw)

Sophomore Year:

Smells like shit in here is your first thought upon entering the laundromat.

It does, in all honesty. What would you expect a place where college students wash three months of dirty clothes and comforters with vomit to smell like? Urine and just a hint of marijuana, incidentally. The door closes noisily behind you and a guy in a black baseball hat turns his head at the noise. Half of his face is hidden underneath the shadow of his scruff and he says nothing, but you still offer an obligatory polite-stranger smile. The place is pretty deserted, what for it being nearly 4 in the morning. And you’re a rare kind of customer; only a few things to wash and you brought your own detergent.

There’s an empty washer next to an old woman in an acid-trip of a parka, and you sweep past the few other patrons with your mesh bag close. The man in the hat nods at you as you pass, looking up from his phone.

Okay. Dark load in one and delicates in the other, you remind yourself. The quarters get pushed through the slot (not without dropping three and having to scramble to pick them up before they disappear between the machines) and you fill the dispensers with a flowery laundry detergent your roommates hates. Oh, and the clothes go in. Done. You relax into a cracked plastic booth around the corner of the machine, pulling a book of crosswords from your bag.

Somebody yelps halfway through filling out a five letter word (“a series of thoughts, images, and sensations occurring in a person's mind during sleep”) and you jump. Baseball Cap rips open the dryer, fumbling around and supplying a pair of gray sweatpants. You can’t help but watch. He digs through both front pockets, pulling out a wad of dollar bills. He sighs, shoves the pants back into the dryer, and starts it with a hard push.

“Gut feeling?” You ask. He looks around for a second and settles his gaze upon you. Nice eyebrows, you think.

“Yeah,” he laughs, slightly nervous. “Yeah. I wore them yesterday and just remembered I put some tip money in my pocket.” Leaning back onto the shelf behind him, he shoves his phone into his pocket and folds his arms tight to his chest.

“I feel you,” you empathize, and set down your pencil. “I washed a parking ticket with my underwear last week.”

He stutters out a laugh, nodding.

“That must’ve sucked,” he adds.

“Yeah.” You shrug. “I wasn’t going to pay it anyways, but would’ve been nice to keep it for memory’s sake.” Rubbing at your knee offhandedly, you just watch him. He’s cute. And easy to make conversation with.

“Hey, um,” he mutters and clears his throat. “Do you by chance know some guy named Karl? Tall, messy brown hair and a horrible laugh?”

You open your mouth, then close it.

“Actually—,” you start but huff out a laugh. “Yeah, he’s uh, he’s dating my roommate. Why’d you ask?”

Reaching a hand to rub at his neck, his face twists into something sheepish.

“I’ve seen you at some parties this semester. I didn’t mean to sound creepy like that— I just—yeah.” His cheeks flush pink and he looks down to the ground.

“No worries,” you say, barely even thinking. “I think I’ve seen you too. You’re in Delta Tau Delta, right?”

“Nah, nah,” he laughs. “Just got some friends in there.”

“Ah.” You nod.

The conversation falls into silence, but not uncomfortable silence. He pulls out his phone again, and you look back to the crossword in front of you. The old woman between you leaves with a humongous load of blankets and a small family leaves with a cart full of bags; now it’s just you two.

When the washer with your delicates ding you nearly jump two feet in the air. Exhaling, you set your work down and open the door.

“Shit,” you curse as two bras fall onto the tile. You reach down to get a hand on a black lace bra and hide it quickly under your elbow. A sneaker squeaks loud in the almost-empty room and you see Baseball Cap’s shoulders.

“Here.” He’s kneeling as he hands you your pink bra and you accept it, biting your lower lip.

“Thanks,” you mumbles, slightly embarrassed, and step back to shove those bras and a couple pairs of your underwear into your bag. He offers you a small smile and backs off to his own machines, humming an off-key version of Unchained Melody to himself. Your other load of laundry gets shoved right on top of your delicates.

It’s when you’re nearly out the door, bell jingling, that you think to look back.

“Hey,” you start, almost stuttering for no reason. “What’s your name?”

He turns, dark eyebrows raised.

“My—uh… My friends call me Sapnap. You can call me that too.” Rosy cheeks once again; you seem to be making him awfully nervous.

“Sapnap.” You try it in your mouth, pursing your lips. “Okay. I’ll see you around Sapnap.”

He nods, affirming your statement.

“See you around Y/N.”

It doesn’t hit you until you’re buckling your seatbelt and starting your car that you realize you didn’t tell him your name.

Perhaps he knew more about you than you thought.

Yeah, you laugh to yourself. Karl’s got a big mouth.

Junior Year:

It takes you a collective twelve minutes to go talk to him.

It’s quiet in the library, students that happen to come here to study or procrastinate few and far between the scattered tables. Your poison today is a 4 page history paper on Normandy that you’d been staring at the instructions for for days. You’d already written a bunch of, frankly, horseshit for the body, but the introduction and conclusion were throwing you for a loop.

The vibes in Ridgeback Hall were also certainly off, today more than any other day; the main help-desk was empty and everybody had to do the tedious task of locating niche textbooks themselves.

Lifting your head from the wood of the table, you squint and focus your vision on the guy in the white tee and denim jacket that had been the focus of your thoughts for minutes. He chews at the end of his pencil, mouth screwed up into a ball, and shoots daggers at the empty notebook in front of him. You’re surprised it hasn’t caught on fire yet just from his gaze.

“Sapnap!” You whisper-shout, stretching your arms across the table as if it would make him any closer. A person with purple hair jumps at your voice but turns back to their laptop. “Sapnap!” you try again, tapping two fingers on the table. His head jerks up, eyebrows furrowed and an angry expression on his face, but softens at the sight of you.

“Y/N,” he counters, equally as loud but with a smile on his face.

“What’re you doing?”

“Calculus.” He sticks his tongue out, making an awfully tortured face. You laugh and wave your fingers at him, gesturing for him to come closer. He just huffs out a sigh, stacks all his papers in one pile, and gets up. The trek over to your table is short but he takes it so slowly you wonder if he always walks like that. Like a varsity basketball player who just got off a horse.

“You’re so slow.”

“Shut up,” he grumbles and settles into a chair across from you. “It’s 2 pm, give me a break. I need a Redbull.”

“Those are bad for you, you know,” you say matter-of-factly and drop your chin onto your hand. He’s even cuter from this angle, you think briefly. He just rolls his eyes.

“Whatever, Miss I’d-like-some-coffee-with-my-sugar-and-cream,” he teases, pointing to your venti iced coffee. It’s about as pale as the color of a band-aid. You just sigh and close your eyes. “You tired?” He flips his pencil in his hand and leans back into the seat, sighing.

“Yeah,” you mumble. “I haven’t slept yet today.”

“Wow, you’re dumb.” He looks scandalized. You just shrug.

“Perhaps. I don’t really know why I did it actually— just for funzies!” You raise an arm but let it drop back down. “I stayed up playing Sims.”

“Feel that. I play Minecraft with my buddies until like 2 am every night too. It’s nice,” he decides and folds his arms across his chest. Your eyes flit over to his strong arms, admiring the way his denim shirt looks around them. Thick.

“Do you have a girlfriend?”

“What?” He says too loudly and it warrants a ‘shush’ from another student. He reddens, but looks back down to you. “I—why do you ask?” You shrug, eyebrows raised.

“Just wondering. You’re too cute to not have one.”

“Right,” he huffs, but his cheeks stay pink. You two fall into easy silence, his eyes trained on the notebook in front of him and yours closed peacefully. “Are you dating anyone?”

They snap open not-so-peacefully.

“Nope. You wanna submit a boyfriend application?” A smile cracks your lips and he grins back.

“Maybe,” he replies and stares at your mouth. “I have to say—,” He stretches into a yawn. “I think I’m qualified.”

“Oh, yeah?” Your eyebrow quirks. “And why are you so qualified?”

“Well, first of all, I work at Ace Hardware. That’s where cool people work.” He presses one finger into his palm. Then two. “And I have a bunch of free time because said job at Ace Hardware only likes scheduling me in the mornings. Plus, I’m hot.” He shrugs.

You nod faux-seriously, considering his list.

“Those are very good qualities, sir. I’ll have to get back to you on that.” You pause. “Okay, I’ll schedule an interview. How’s 7 pm at the Chili’s on Main? Chili’s is the designated interview place.” You wiggle your eyebrows. He just smiles at you, shaking his head in disbelief.

“That was smooth.”

“Yeah, I know.” You carefully study your nails. “I’m pretty impressive.”

“Clearly,” he mutters and chuckles. “But I do like their salsa. And margaritas. We got a deal?” He holds out a large hand. You take it, squeezing tightly.

“Hell yes.”

When you see the man called Sapnap a week later, you are very obviously in a different state of mind.

Same state, same college town, but very different blood alcohol contents.

“Sappy!” You shout, raising your arms above your head with a stupid grin on your face. He turns, that familiar look of surprise evident in his expression.

“Y/N,” he laughs and approaches your group of friends in the kitchen. It’s Greek Wedding night at Delta Tau Delta, and you assume Sapnap came to support Delta’s “groom” Alex. You’d gotten uncharacteristically drunk, trading air for sangria, and you were now in the incredible stage where everyone was both your friend and your favorite person.

Throwing an arm around his shoulders, you mash your face into his bicep and giggle.

“Missed you so much,” you try to manage out of your mouth, but it comes out slurred and stuttered. “So much.” You’d gone to Chili’s two days before and promised another ‘interview’ in the next few days, but it felt like two months away from your beloved. Beloved friend, that is. Only one date.

“Yeah?” He places a hesitant hand on your back and nudges you into a standing position. “How much have you had to drink?”

“Oh, shhhh,” you mumble and close your eyes. “Only— a lot.” Blinking them back open, you zero your gaze in on a bottle of Ciroc half-empty and looking very tempting on the kitchen island across from where you’re leaned up against the kitchen sink. He catches your gaze and steps in front of you, pleasant face filling your vision. You gasp.

“You are so cute.” Sliding your palms up onto his face, you hold his scruffy cheeks in your hands and smile all dopey at him.

“Is that your brain or the alcohol telling you that?”

“Uh,” you swallow. “Both. And my heart.”

He just shakes his head and his chest moves with a heavy laugh.

“Glad to hear it.”

“Are you having fun?” You ask, all concerned and furrowed eyebrows. You look like you’re genuinely interested and worried about if he’s having a good time or not, and it makes his expression melt.

“I’m having lots of fun,” he passes over his shoulder as he flips on the tap and fills a red solo cup with water. “In fact, I’m gonna have a nice, cold glass of water right now.” He shakes it like an owner offering their dog a treat.

You eye the cup in his hand, having half a thought that this might be some sort of backwards psychology move. The other half wins.

“That sounds so good right now— can I drink some?” Your eyebrows pull together and your bottom lip drops into a pout. It makes him blink for a second. He remembers the little game you’re playing and just hands it over, smug. You gulp it down quickly and crush the empty plastic into your palm with an exaggerated exhale. “Hit the spot,” you sigh, and pat your stomach fondly.

“You hungry?” Sapnap asks you as he steadies you with two hands on your shoulders. Something pops into your head at his words: a set of two McChickens and an Oreo milkshake.

“Oh my God,” you gasp, and mirror him by placing your hands on his shoulders. “Can we go to McDonald’s?”

He just shakes his head, grin wide on his lips, and shrugs. Perfect teeth, you think.

“I haven’t drank anything, so I’m good to drive.” He pulls his keys from his pocket. “I know you’re smashed right now so—do you feel safe with me?” The question falls from his mouth and you truly consider it, pulling your lip between your teeth.

“Yeah. I’ll take this just in case,” you say, and take a large dinner fork from the counter next to you. It has some red liquid on it that you brush off onto the fabric of your jeans.

“That’s actually gross.”

“Yeah.” You grip it tighter in your head. “But it’ll do the job if you try any shit. I’ll put this in your eyeball.” Brandishing it, a smile stretches onto your mouth. He just shakes his head and heads for the back door, jerking a hand in your direction to get you to follow him.

The cool night air explodes on your face when you step onto the porch and it makes you blink rapidly. Sapnap is right at your side, offering a forearm as you slowly make your way down the two back porch steps. A tall blonde smoking half of a blunt makes a grunt noise as you two pass and your knight-in-shining armor looks up.

“Gonna go get some food. Want anything?” Sapnap stops on the rocky path to the sidewalk, tilted up to hear the blonde’s response. The other guy shakes his head but nods to you in passing.

“I’ll tell her friends where she went,” says the blonde, and disappears through the sliding glass doors.

Your hand falls from his forearm to his hand and grasps it tightly, swinging back and forth as you stumble to his car. You flash him a grin that he just chuckles at.

“Watch your step,” he warns as you yank on the handle of the passenger door and nearly fall off of the curb.

“I’m fine,” you huff, and scramble to get yourself upright into the seat and buckled. He closes your door and jogs to the driver’s seat, climbing in and starting the engine quicker than your head comprehends.

The small space fills with the sound of Letters to Cleo as he’s maneuvering out of his parking spot and he slaps a hand at the stereo button almost immediately. His cheeks redden as he glances at you once.

“I love Letters to Cleo,” you admit, and switch it back on. Ah, Co-Pilot. A classic. “Be my co-pilot!” You sing, loud and sharp. He shakes his head but huffs out a reluctant laugh.

“My older sister loved them. Bit old for my taste, but—you know. Can’t deny that I love a little bit of 90’s angst.”

“Absolutely,” you nod vigorously and pick at your nail. “Oh!” The fork magically reappears at your side and you grab at it. “For my McChickens.”

“And for me,” he adds.

“Yup. You too.” But you drop it onto the seat and lean forward, fumbling with the volume dial until you feel the lead singer’s voice thumping into your heart. “I love this lady!” You shout and rock your head to the beat.

Shaking his head, his shoulders move in an easy laugh. The drive-thru line is kind of busy for 2 am, he notes, pulling in right behind a navy BMW sedan. But it moves quickly, especially when you’re moving in your seat, scream-singing the lyrics to I Want You To Want Me.

“Yeah,” he says, loud into the mic. “Two.”

“Alright.” The voice reports from the speaker, a background clicking joining their bored tone. “Two McChickens, a double cheeseburger—ketchup and pickle only— , a medium fry, and an Oreo McFlurry. Anything else, sir?”

Sapnap chews on his lip, and glances at you. You just give an encouraging thumbs up.

“That’ll be all,” he reports.

“Second window, and your total is $9.67.”

He barely has time to call a “thank you so much!” before the line ends with a click. Rude.

“Jesus Christ,” you moan the second you sink your teeth into your first sandwich.

“Agreed,” he mumbles and pushes as much cheeseburger he can fit into his mouth.

“This,” you start, swallowing. “is the sexiest thing I’ve encountered in all of my years. I thank all higher powers when I consume McChickens…” Trailing off for dramatic effect, you stare down the sandwich before mimicking a dinosaur war cry and practically shoving it down your throat. He just nods in agreement.

“It’s so nice out tonight,” Sapnap comments, swinging a look out his rolled-down window. He parked right in front of the Campus Quad, large bubbling fountain the show to your dinner. And some geese fighting each other for half a rotting hot dog.

“Mhm.” You crumple up your wrapper trash and toss it into the empty paper bag. “Could totally go for a swim.”

He turns and gives you a look. You look right back.

“Should we?” It’s barely a question.

“Um, hell yes,” is all it takes for you to say before you’re clambering out of the car and starting for the fountain. He follows closely after, jogging to catch up with your borderline track-star sprints.

“Wait up!” He calls as you reach the border of the fountain.

“Ugh,” you sigh, impatient. “Hurry up.”

“Mouthy,” he grumbles before kicking off his shoes and bending to fold his pants up over his knees. You just climb straight in and brave the cold.

Squealing, you hop from one foot to the other, shoulders tight as you get used to the freezing water. He laughs and climbs in right beside you.

“Shit,” he curses, and shivers. “This sucks.”

“You suck,” you quip right back and splash around. He stares, disgusted, at the water soaking up your jeans all the way up to your knees.

“You’re gross for wearing jeans in a fountain. That’s worse than wet socks.” He starts to move around as feeling comes back into his toes.

“What, would you prefer me taking my pants off?” A sassy look paints your face and he rolls his eyes.

“No, but you could’ve folded them up like a normal person.”

“I think you forget,” you start, and splash a palmful of water his way. “I’m quirky.”

He gasps, face twisting as the water hits his thighs.

“You’re dead.”

If campus police were patrolling the Quad right now, they’d see two college juniors wading around in a fountain, water up to their knees, having a competition to see who can inflict the most damage. He won, it seems, because your shirt is drenched all the way up to your ribs.

“Okay!” You shout, hands spread to brace yourself. The water in his palm falls. “I’m cold and I want my other McChicken.”

“Fine,” he sighs, and with some difficulty manages to get out of the fountain and back into his shoes. You just make your way back over to his car barefoot, braving the mulch and poorly-sanded concrete.

You both finish your food quickly, discussing menial things like how fast food restaurants always skimp on the pickles and how it’s truly a disservice to the world that so many people don’t know it’s Biggie singing the song Kat dances on the table to in the 1999 classic 10 Things I Hate About You.

When Sapnap pulls up to your house, he shifts the car into park and lets loose a heavy sigh. You whip around, hand on your buckle, and sport a very confused look on your face.

“I’m tired,” is all he says. Head falling onto the seat, he rolls over to give you a half-lidded look. You nod empathetically and climb very carefully out of his passenger seat. Your drunk muscles haven't caught up to your mainly sober brain, which is impairing your ability to look like a functioning human being.

“Thank you for tonight,” you chirp, smiling in at him with your arms folded on the open window sill. The half-drank Oreo McFlurry is lukewarm in your hand. He stares at your flushed lips.

“Anytime you want a drunk McChicken let me know.” He winks. “I have a gift card.”

“You spoil me,” you coo, and step up onto the sidewalk. “I’ll see you sometime soon, yeah?”

He nods, pursed lips fighting a grin.

Cute, you both think at the same time.

Sometime soon, somehow, means the very next day.

It’s breezy yet uncharacteristically hot out, and certainly way too bright for a hungover Y/N.

You’re sat on the porch swing, nursing a hot decaf coffee with lots of sugar and cream. Sunglasses sit comfortably on your nose, but you still have to squint. The pills you took have yet to kick in, so all you have to do is wait and try not to vomit into your mug. Suddenly, your phone lights up and buzzes to life. You press the green button and lift to your ear.

“What do you want?” Your voice is awfully froggy, you realize, and clear your throat.

“Good morning to you too.” Sapnap’s voice rings clear yet husky into your ear. The corners of your lips twitch up into a smile. God, you’re whipped just for the sound of his voice.

“It is definitely not a good morning,” you grumble and switch him into speaker phone. You drop the phone into your lap and stretch out further on the swing.

“Good morning for me,” he chirps cheerfully. “Take anything for the headache?”

“Yes,” you report, sounding like a pouting child and rubbing two fingers into your temple. “Some idiot fed me ice cream last night so this morning I woke up having to both shit and throw up.”

“Aww,” he sympathizes, sounding way too entertained. “That sounds like a you problem.” You stuck out your tongue, but upon realizing he can’t see it, make a ‘hmph’ noise into the mic. “Anyways. I called to see if you wanted to go get breakfast with me. Waffle House, specifically.” You make a face but lift yourself up off the swing, wincing.

“I saw a rat eat an entire piece of french toast there once. But—sure. I’ll pay.” He starts to whine, but you scoff. “Let me love you, bitch. You pay for my McDonald’s and I pay for your pancakes. Easy trade.”

“Whatever. See you in five.” He hangs up right as you twist the front door open and drop your phone onto the couch.

“Who’re you talking to?” comes from the kitchen and you jump, pressing a hand to your chest. A shirtless Karl enters the living room with a bowl of fruit loops in his hand.

“Jesus Christ,” you breathe, and duck into the hall closet for your pair of dirty tennis shoes. “I was talking to Sapnap.”

“Oh,” he says around his mouthful of cereal with a grin. “You guys dating yet?”

You pass him a weird look, bending to tie your shoes.

“Gimme like two weeks. I’ll have him at my beck and call,” you laugh and collapse back into the couch.

“I’ll believe it when I see it.” He quirks an eyebrow and exits stage left into your roommate’s room.

The few minutes it takes for Sapnap to come to your house are short but filled with contemplation. Do you really want to date him? He’s certainly cute enough. Nice enough. And smart enough. He seems to like you too—

A honk interrupts your thoughts. Always having to be obnoxious, huh?

“You’re annoying,” you mumble as you buckle your seatbelt. He just shrugs, tiny smile tugging his lips, and shifts into drive. The short trip to Waffle House proves more quiet than lively. He seems awake, actually, so you attribute the silence to your tumultuous thoughts. The music is nice, though. Bikini Kill is perfect for 10 am.

After you two order (three chocolate chip pancakes for him and two regular waffles with a side of hashbrowns for you), he finally breaks the silence.

“Hey, are we dating?”

You pause with your lip on the rim of your orange juice. Your gaze falls from his lips to his fingers wrapped around the coffee mug. Two silver rings adorn both his middle fingers and they glint underneath the fluorescent lights.

“Do you wanna?” You squint back up at him. The tips of his ears flush pink.

“I-uh… Yeah. Yes,” he says simply. You try to hide a smile, but realize there’s no point.

“Okay.” You take a long drink of your orange juice. “I really like you. A lot. A surprising amount, actually; I haven’t really dated seriously since highschool.”

He nods, shuffling his feet on the tile. What else does he have to be nervous about? you wonder.

“I’ve… kindasortamaybelikedyousincesophmoreyear,” he mumbles and you swallow.

“Huh?” Leaning forward, you set your glass down.

“Um,” he starts but doesn’t finish.

“Did you say you’ve liked me since sophomore year?”

“...Maybe.” His coffee becomes the most interesting thing in the world, apparently. “Do you remember that one time during the Summer Carnival where Karl lost his phone?”

“Uh—yes! Yeah, actually. I do remember that. He found it in the porta-potty. What about it?” The waitress sets down both your plates in front of you and you offer her a smile in thanks before she trundles off to the drink station. You pick up your fork and wait for him to continue.

“I left two hours early because you invited Michael from your computer science class.” You pause around your mouthful of potato and he just stares back, trying not to grin. “Yeah. I thought you were hot and left early because you brought another guy.”

“Michael is gay,” you say slowly.

“Yup.” He nods and shoves a forkful of pancake into his mouth. “Isn’t that so stupid?”

“So stupid,” you tease but your cheeks blush pink.

“Anyways. Now I’m dating you, so. Win for me.”

“Ditto,” you murmur, and manage to fit half of your first waffle into your mouth. “This is the easiest it’s ever been to start dating someone.”

“It’s ‘cause we’re cool, I’m pretty sure,” comes from a mouthful of pancake.

“That’s facts.”

The rest of Pancake House is bustling, a few families with young kids and some other hungover college students scarfing down similar breakfast foods and confections. You two barely give any other customers the time of day, too wrapped up in conversation and each other. The waitress gets a heavy tip after an hour and a half of struggling to swallow dough soaked in syrup and chocolate.

Sapnap walks you to your door after breakfast, hand on your waist and pressed to your side. It feels good. Right.

“I’ll see you Wednesday right?” You ask, turning to him with hopeful eyes. How could he resist?

“Definitely. Wouldn’t miss Game Night for the world— I can’t wait to beat your ass at Uno.”

“You’re insufferable, you know that?” You murmur but you’re already slinging an arm around his shoulder and bringing his mouth down to yours.

You taste like sugar, he thinks. His hands find the small of your back easily, pressing you further forward into him. You hum at that, tracking a hand up the back of his neck and into his hair to grip it between your fingers.

He smells both musky and sweet and cool at the same time: heaven. One of his hands slides up to grip at your neck, thumb rubbing at your jaw, and you make a pleased noise into his mouth. There it is.

“Y/N!” Shrieks from inside your house and you jump, pulling away from Sapnap with a smack.

“What?” You yell back, irritated, and he just laughs as he dips to press a kiss to your cheek.

“Stop tonguing your boyfriend and come help me with my photography project.”

“God damn it,” you sigh and drop your hands. His slide down to just rest on your hips, comfortable. “I have to go.” You're annoyed, that’s for sure, and he prays you aren’t too mean to your roommate.

“Alright.” He dips for a quick kiss one last time. Okay, two more times. Maybe three. But he pulls away, grinning. “I’ll see you Wednesday.”

And then he’s stepping off your porch, walking to his car with his hands in his pockets. You watch his back fondly.

God, boyfriend. He’s your boyfriend. Boynap. Sapfriend. You can’t decide on a name, but all sounds perfect.

Perfectly him.

A/N: ask or send me some stuff!! requests, rants, anything. :D comments = welcome!

#sapnap #mcyt #sapnap x reader #sapnap x fem!reader #sapnap x you #sapnap fluff #sapnap fic #sapnap oneshot #mcyt imagine #bubblyhoneyfics #mcyt x you

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ashesandhackles · 4 years

Text

The Hogwarts Express scene in Prince's Tale: A Sirius and Snape analysis

I really, really enjoy Sirius and Snape as characters and their respective narrative functions in story. But what gets me most about them is how much Rowling hints about their backgrounds and so much of it makes sense with regard to who they are as adults. So I am going to be breaking down a very small scene from Prince Tale and getting into long winded hypothesis about their respective childhoods.

So, let's start with Snape. The scene begins with Snape rushing to find Lily, already in his Hogwarts clothes. Harry notes he must have been eager to get out of his clothes - ones that look like he borrowed from his mother, as Petunia spitefully pointed out. This has always been a very interesting detail to me - first off, it indicates how poor Snape's family is. Second, this indicates his tiny rebellion from his father - he refuses to wear clothes of the abusive man, and prefers his mother's. I admit, I am partial to the reading that Snape refuses to associate with his father in tiny ways, rather than Tobias refusing to hand his son clothes.

(I have seen readings which say that it is also a sign of neglect - perhaps his parents bought clothes that simply don't fit him, but I am more inclined to think it's a hand me down, simply because Harry identifies so strongly with it. Because Harry knows what it is like to wear a hand me down that don't quite fit, that are too big for you, or the ones that make you look ridiculous.)

Lily and Petunia's relationship is fraught with Petunia's jealousy. And young Lily is upset over it when Snape meets her. "I am not talking to you. Tuney hates me" she tells him. "Because we saw the letter from Dumbledore". Young Lily shows signs of being extremely emotionally reactive and this scene is one of them. It's easier for her to deal with Petunia's rejection of her by telling Snape she doesn't want to talk to him. It's a childish displacement of her hurt over her sister's rejection. (I am genuinely baffled by interpretations that Lily and Hermione are similar. Hermione is very cognitive person, Lily, as we have been shown repeatedly in memories, is not).

Snape, however, with his bad history with Petunia and his inability/ poor social skills to understand why this matters to her, goes: "So what?"

Lily, who throws him a look of deep dislike, says "So she's my sister". This seed is important because this is what develops into "he doesn't get me" feeling she later displays in her teenage scenes with him. Interestingly, most of Lily's personal relationships have deeply interwined love and dislike - Petunia (whose rejection bothers her but she cheerfully informs Sirius that Harry nearly broke a vase her sister sent - which means there is resentment on her end too), James - who she was attracted to even before 7th year but also disliked at one point, and Snape - again, a contentious friendship filled with love and distance.

"She's only a -" we dont get to hear what Snape intended to say. And given his own acrimony with Petunia, it could be anything. However, I read it as "She's only a Muggle" because it ties into his feelings about his father. Snape, who is proud of being half a Prince, emphasizing his magical lineage from his mother's side, his refuge in a violent, neglectful home. (Barty Crouch Jr and Snape with their disappointing fathers - I imagine Voldemort is supremely attractive leader to people with broken homes like this)

Snape, by all accounts, shows a disorganised attachment style. His caregiver, his mother - and perhaps the only parent he seems to have regard for, is too preoccupied by her own abuse to be there for her son - we see this in glimpses Harry sees in OOTP: " woman cowering" where a man shouts at her, and a young, neglected Snape cries in the corner. Children born in homes like this have trouble regulating their emotions, simultaneously displaying tendencies to aggressively lash out or show disassociative symptoms. Both of which Snape displays. Statistically, this is also seen more in low income households where economic instability and resulting domestic instability creates an unsafe environment for the kids to safely form ideas of their identity, or express emotions in healthy ways, modelling instead out of behaviour seen at home.

Then, Snape reminds her that they are going to Hogwarts. He is already in his Hogwarts clothes - now, Snape gets to be the impressive figure. The one who told her about magic, who theorised about how Muggles get letters from magical people, the one who told her about Dementors and Azkaban. He has already left behind the Spinner's End version of him, he wants to bigger than that, and is keen to be in place of magical learning and to join Slytherin. Essentially, he shows signs of unstable identity, insecurity - all prime for grooming into a cult.

And here comes along James Potter, who looks around at the mention of Slytherin. James's comment uses Snape's line and directs it to Sirius instead and it becomes a conversation between them, as a way to bond more with a fellow "rowdy boy" Sirius. Effectively ignoring the other two.

Sirius as we see here, "does not smile" when James talks about Slytherin. He essentially says something that can be construed as a way to nip that conversation in bud: "My whole family has been in. Slytherin". This suggests to me that there is some loyalty to his family there and his disillusionment with them isn't entirely fixed yet. After all, Sirius's intense loyalty to his friends, more specifically James, did not come out of thin air. It is reasonable to suggest that he felt some loyalty to his family at some point and the intensity with which he regards his friends is a reaction to burned off and being a "displaced person without a family" as Rowling put it.

Interestingly, while his reaction to his mother and Bellatrix are obviously sore spots, his response to Regulus is comparatively quite soft. ("Stupid, idiot" - something he calls James later on in the same book, OOTP). I imagine Sirius has quite complicated feelings about his brother and he is capable of nuance (when the person isn't Snape, where his dislike seems to be borne of an intense projection): "The world isn't split into good people and Death Eaters". As someone who is grown up among them, Sirius would understand that.

His framing of Regulus's need to please his parents also further highlights what exactly is the source of disillusionment. He calls Regulus "soft enough to believe them" - which means he is crediting his own intelligence to see through his parents bigoted world view. Clearly, bigotry is not something the Blacks explained in a way that Sirius, eldest of their male line and their heir, bought it. It also probably didn't help the Blacks case that Grimmauld Place is in a Muggle neighborhood and that their eldest son is a bit of a wild boy with interest in pushing boundaries. His intellectual disconnect leads to the righteous rage he later feels but it began there. (Boy, it must suck to discover that everything you have been taught to value in the world and in yourself as the heir is essentially rubbish). Since his differences with his family began with seeds of intellectual disconnect rather than on intense empathy with downtrodden, it makes him, as a pureblooded privileged boy, unable to truly understand Lupin's fears regarding his lycanthropy. Hence, the Werewolf prank (I am not getting to the Snape bit, just the Lupin bit). To James' credit, he does understand what that means for Lupin and saves all three of them from different set of consequences.

Anyway, back to the scene. James, who has made an ass of himself in front of his new friend, who he was getting along with fine until now, then goes "Blimey, I thought you seemed alright". (Btw, I find James wildly large ego kind of hilarious here, especially in light of Snape's comment about him to Sirius in OOTP: "You will know he is so arrogant that criticism simply bounces off him"). Sirius, who I believe has been raised like "royalty" as Blacks would, has good enough social skills to defuse a situation. He grins and says: "Maybe I will break the tradition".

This line is an indication of Sirius's desire for independence, an identity seperate from his family. The use of the word "tradition" is interesting. It sounds like Sirius is expected to behave in a certain way, the heir of Black family whose parents thought being a Black "made you practically royal". Adult Sirius is contemptuous of this, or their "valuable contribution to Ministry" which means they just gave gold - it tells me that any and all conditions put on him by his family were to fulfill tradition that is either worthless or holds no meaning in his eyes. The root of the emotional abuse Sirius suffers from his family is this - realising his parents love for him is conditional on him being a certain way. (In fact, you can read Regulus desire to emphasise his connection to the family as a reaction to what he sees with Sirius - Sirius does not behave, Mum and Dad don't love him). As a child with unconscious knowledge of lack of love, Sirius then acts out, they react, rinse and repeat "until he has had enough". Sirius chafes against boundaries well into adulthood and doesn't react well to people enforcing it on him, even if it is out of love for him. Cue the fire scene with Harry where he behaves as if Harry is rejecting him instead of protecting him.

Sirius asks James about where he wants to go, and Snape, who is incensed about James being insulting about a House he put stock in, which he made part of new identity (so that he is no longer that Snape boy from Spinner's End) and was in general trying to be impressive about in front of Lily, "makes a disparaging noise" once James talks of Gryffindor. Snape's response to James' : "Got a problem with that?" is interesting. He says: "If you'd rather be brawny, rather than brainy-"

This is an important value for Snape. He knows he is clever and values it. He spends his spare time inventing hexes, making great shortcuts to Potions. He has genuine thirst for learning and he hones it. In SWM, we see that he has written far more longer answers than anyone else, he is poring over his paper after exams. He even mocks Hermione's lack of inventive answers: "Answer copied word to word from the textbook, but correct in essentials". He values originality. It may be me stretching this, but I am partial to the reading: this is his way of rejecting his father once again, who is implied to be a violent man. (in other words, someone who is hypermasculine - "brawny". In fact, Snape's rejection of hypermasculinity is a huge post on it's own - Potions (brewing, cauldrons - coded as feminine arts), the doe Patronus, his proficiency in Occlumency and Legliemency (intuitive mind arts, again seen archetypically feminine) etc).

"Where are you hoping to go, seeing as you are neither?" - Sirius is quick with emotionally cutting insults. Snape hasn't even finished his sentence, but Sirius is already on his case. Which suggests growing up in a household with sharp tongues. It's a fair assumption, given Mrs Black's half mad portrait. It also tallies with Sirius's talking about his mother: "My mother didn't have a heart Kreacher, she kept herself alive out of pure spite" . The wounds are fresh enough on this. (Another interesting way Snape and Sirius act as inverse mirrors - Snape rejects his father, Sirius rejects his mother. Sirius acts as proxy for James for Harry while Snape takes on Lily's role of protecting him). However, you know who else is spiteful? Sirius.

While James is the physical bully (the tripping Snape, doing most of the bullying in SWM), Sirius attacks emotionally. ( Sample the one about Snape's appearance - "I was watching him, his nose was touching the parchment, there will be great grease marks all over it, they won't be able to read a word" or even the carelessly vicious- "Put that away, before Wormtail wets himself in excitement"). Curiously, with all that talk of how his mother being spiteful, it's her room he spends time in when he is depressed. (Again, in inverse mirror way, we can talk of how Snape looks for a father figure in Dumbledore - craves his validation and is proud of Dumbledore's trust in him). We could argue it's also because Buckbeak is there, and perhaps it's the largest room in the house, but it's very telling that's where Sirius spends time when he is "in a fit of sullens". Sirius's sense of abandonment from his family, makes him look for family connections with friends - a trait he shares with Harry. Interestingly, the first time he glimpses Harry in Privet Drive, Harry is also running away from home - just like he did. Anyway, I could go on.

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quillsareswords · 3 years

Text

1:20

Damian Wayne x reader

SUMMARY: You're lucky you've memorized Robin's schedule: it might me the only saving grace you've got left.

WARNINGS: blood, near-death

Master List in bio

It's 1:20 on a Tuesday morning in early June.

Gotham never really gets hot, but the humidity suffocates anything that might think that's a relief. You didn't check the weather this evening. You probably should have.

It's 1:20 on a Tuesday morning. He's gonna be here. You've had mixed feelings about knowing his schedule this well in the past, but now it's the deciding factor of your fate.

It's 1:20. That means you've been bleeding like a stuck pig for ten straight minutes, even if it feels like it's been hours. Or seconds. You don't really know anymore. You're getting dizzy.

So you've leaned against the wall. Some little roof access point that stands tall above the gravel covering the rooftop. The brick digs into your shoulder, even through your jacket.

You're starting to think you've gotten it wrong. Or maybe he just didn't show today. Maybe you're out of luck this time.

It was dumb. Stupid to think that you could stop this. Stupid to think you would end any way other than alone.

It was on purpose, after all. Isolation, that is. You pushed and shoved everyone away with a friendly smile and kept them at arm's length, lest they wiggle their claws beneath your mask and expose you for every ugly thing you are.

You're a mole. An informant. Someone who plays every side all at once and somehow manages to stay neutral the whole time. You've been passing tips to the Bats for months now, means be damned. Trust was meager between you, but what little there is is mutual.

You'd hoped it'd be your saving grace. Hoped the side playing would leave you with at least one friend, even though it was the entire reason you're in this position in the first place. You had hoped your downfall would save you.

He appears before you two minutes late. 1:22 in the morning and he's late. He doesn't seem to have noticed you, a few feet away, surveying the street below him like it's his job (and it is), with his back to you.

"You're late, Birdy." Your voice comes quieter and rougher than it should, and the force it takes nearly sends you to the ground.

He spins around at the sound, hand already curled around the hilt of his sword by the time he faces you. He says your name lowly, like a warning, like always. His posture relaxes nonetheless. "You come with useful advice, I expect. The skirmish by the docks sounded quick, but Batman thinks–"

"I didn't know where else to go," you say suddenly, because you already know you aren't going to be conscious long enough for this conversation.

The effort gets you this time. Your knees, shaky as they've been, finally give out. You understand, and you forgive them; they carried you all the way here, after all. Your body turns on the way down, back of your jacket scraping terribly against the brick as your heels slide through the gravel. The noise you make is somewhere between a groan and a cry.

It rips the breath out of his lungs. Your name is in his mouth again as he drops to his knees beside you, gloved hands already pawing at the hand you have clamped around the knife still sheathed into your side.

"What happened?" he demands, and he's reaching for his pager with the other hand. "Who did this?"

You're too focused on the way your first name sounds in his voice. There's something nice about the way he spaces the syllables.

He says it again, all panic and worry, like he hasn't the time to mask it anymore.

You wonder for a moment if it has anything to do with his lingering stares and gruff get home safe's.

But then he's shaking your shoulder and you're wincing because it's bruised beneath the jacket.

"Stay awake, hey, stay with me. Batman is on his way. We'll fix this." There's a pause where he's sucking in a deep breath and you're trying to focus on his voice. "You're going to be fine."

You think it's a little funny. You managed to get all the way here, up a goddamn fire escape, but the moment you think he's got you, you lose all ability to keep yourself upright. You just want to sleep. You want to lay down and take a nice, long nap.

You hate to admit that it just might be because you trust him more than anyone else you know. You've only known him for a few months, but you're sure that you're safest with him. You're safe with him.

It shouldn't be much of a comfort, with Death staring you down like a lion on it's last meal. You won't need protecting if your decline doesn't level out soon. It's surprising what such little comfort feels like when you're staring Death down like a gazelle with an attitude problem.

You don't remember being moved. Or how you ended up in a medical bed with stiff, scratchy sheets and a nearly flat pillow. You do remember hearing Damian's voice, fading in and our with your consciousness. The words are all garbled and quiet, but you know the recall the sound.

Alfred is the first person you see. He's unfamiliar, but he introduces himself and offers you a warm smile and a glass of water. He brings you a bowl of soup and hands you a bottle of painkillers and another of antibiotics.

You fall asleep again, listening to some little body of water just outside the white room you're settled in.

When you wake up, it's to the sound of an argument. Batman and Robin. It's hushed, angry and patient whispers back and forth, but it's an argument all the same. You've heard them bicker enough over the last few months to recognize it.

You can't quite make it out. You hear your name a few times, something about time, something about healing, something about help. Batman finishes it.

Robin swings the squeaky door open a few moments later.

He stops halfway into the room when he sees you're awake.

You wiggle your way up the mattress to lean against the pillows behind you. "Birdy."

He sighs. "You nearly bleed out in my arms and that's how you greet me?"

He doesn't sound quite right. A little deflated, maybe. Relieved? As if he'd been holding his breath before he entered the room, and just remembered how to breathe when he caught your eye.

Course, you can't be sure he caught it at all, with those white lenses.

You cock a shoulder. "I'm sure you've seen worse. I'm sure I'll have worse."

His posture shifts as he crosses the room. He shakes his head. "That's not funny."

"It's kind of funny," you try, throwing the best carefree smile you can manage when everything beneath your skin is so sore. "I'm the one who was bleeding, that means I'm allowed to make all the jokes I want."

"That's an unhealthy coping mechanism."

"So is dressing up in red and yellow and calling yourself a bird."

His shoulders drop again. You think you might see a smile, but he turns his head away too quickly. "You should be more careful. I can't always be there to drag you out of every fire, you know."

You cross your arms, raising both knees to take some pressure off of your abdomen. He takes it as an invitation and makes himself comfortable in the chair beside the bed. He finds a comfortable position with a little too much familiarity. "I don't expect you to. I wouldn't have even been there if I wasn't getting information for you."

"For Batman–"

"Potato, pa-tot-oh."

He goes rigid again. "I never would have asked you to put yourself in danger like that."

It's defensive. Appalled, almost. Offended.

You don't know how to reply. That doesn't seem to matter though, because he's not done.

"And even if I had, I would have gone with you. I would have made sure you had backup, I would have– this never would have happened."

There's a certain distain in his tone that catches you off guard. A resentment, toward you or his partner you aren't totally sure.

He runs gloved fingers through slick black hair. Heaves a breath. Pushes himself to his feet. Falsely composed. "You may stay as long as you need. Alfred will take care of you."

"Where are you going?" It slips out before you can stop it. And perhaps you could play if off as a standard question—you are in an unfamiliar place, with unfamiliar people, aside from him—but it's much too quick. It sounds a little too much like don't leave me.

And you know he hears it too, because he turns back around so quickly you wonder if he even considered it. "Patrol. It's Wednesday night." And yet he makes to move to leave.

You nod. "Right. Yeah. You're, uh, what? You're over by the city museum tonight, aren't you?" You want to smack yourself. What are you doing, making small talk? He's got places to be, people to save.

"Yes." The top seal of his mask flexes when he raises an eyebrow.

You nod again. An awkward smile on your lips. "I, uh, I didn't know how to feel about knowing where you'd be most of the week, but I guess I'm glad I do. Saved my skin last night, didn't it?"

He drawls in a deep breath. "Suppose it did."

There's a long pause. You aren't sure if you're breathing, but you're sure he isn't. He looks tense, like he's torn between saying something and leaving, body angled not quite toward you.

"You can always come to me," he says suddenly. He must read something on your face, because he tumbles straight into the next sentence. "Last night, you said you didn't know who to go to. I'm telling you now, you can always come to me. I'll fix it, whatever it is."

His voice is tight. A little unsure, but not in the statement. Like a hiker on a rocky trail; unsure of his footing, but certain in his destination.

There's something else in his words. Something scrawled between the lines in thin, fragile letters. Something deeper than wounds and needing backup.

I'll fix it, whatever it is.

Your heart rate picks up, and the heart monitor reveals your secrets on the screen beside you. What it can't reveal is the way the poor organ soars, throwing itself to the clouds with reckless abandon, completely uncaring of the hard trip back down.

You still don't know how to reply. You'd like to say something witty. A little sarcastic, maybe a smidge mean. He's giving you a glimpse at his heart, beating bloody in his hands, and there's a large part of you that wants to poke it. Nothing too wounding, just enough that he never makes the mistake again.

But you can't help it. There's a much larger part of you that wails, who wants to snatch it from him to shield and cradle, because he obviously can't be trusted with it. Not if he's baring it to you.

The deciding party is the reminder of last night. Dragging yourself up a rusted fire escape, praying to anyone who might listen that he'd be there. That he'd help you. You remember thinking he wouldn't. You remember the thought hanging above you like gravediggers as you settled into a coffin: you pushed everyone away, you don't leave room for those who want to help you.

"Thank you," you attempt, and it comes barely above a whisper. You allow it to be tender. You let it embody the raw little piece of you that utters it; the piece that wants so desperately to let him in. The piece that knew he'd save you. The tender little sliver of soul who still believed you deserved to be trusted and supported. The one who still hopes for meaningful connections, even among your collection of throw-away contacts.

You can see the way he relaxes. The way he melts inside his skin, like he'd been expecting you to poke when you could have. Like it lifts a weight off of him, knowing that you'll trust him enough to come to him in the future.

"I'll be back in a few hours. You should sleep."

You roll your eyes. "Sleep in some weird ass white room I've never been in, surrounded by a bunch if people I barely know. Yeah, I'm sure I'll sleep like a baby."

He recognizes that you aren't entirely serious, but he also recognizes the orange pill bottles on the table beside you. "If Alfred has you on those, I trust you will—no matter where you are."

You chuckle, he offers you the tiniest smile, and then he's gone. Vanished into the rest of whatever strange building he whisked you into.

You should be worried about it. Not knowing where you are, exactly who you're with, who has access to you. But you aren't. And it might be the medication making you compliant, and you'll look back on this in a week and be horrified—or it could be that you've broken all your own rules and thrust all if your trust into the hands of a boy you've never seen without a mask.

#damian wayne #damian wayne imagine #damian wayne x reader

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vvienne · 3 years

Text

XICHENG FIC RECS

hold my hands by Snooze (Chiruka)

Transplanting a core into a new person isn’t without repercussions. One year after the events at Guanyin Temple, Jiang Cheng found himself once again faced with the possibility of losing everything he had. Reconciling with his brother, learning to let Jin Ling go, and dealing with his blooming emotions toward the First Jade of Gusu — will Jiang Cheng accomplish what he wants before time runs out?

it all passes someday by screamlet

A week before the anniversary of Wei Wuxian’s death, there was a commotion outside Lan Wangji’s house.

Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji over the years.

The Unlikely Expression of Love by manamune

When everything has settled, when everyone else has moved on with their lives and their friends, Jiang Cheng has a realization which shouldn’t actually be a surprise:

He’s lonely.

Indigo, lavender, and violet (I don't wanna be red) by ohwhatevrewhatevr

It, in the pale colors of the late morning, is the closest to perfect Jiang Cheng will ever reach. He strokes Lan XiChen's hair and presses a light kiss to where his ribbon and hair meet. The sky is a pale blue, and the pastels of flowers and clouds are spread out through the window, a brilliant world waiting for them, them in the gentian house, safe from stronger breezes - there is the clutter of birds fluttering and chirping outside. It is a warm, perfect, spring morning.

Jiang Cheng and Lan XiChen have been together for an year. In which, no one ever really gets over things, Jiang Cheng has the misfortune of interacting with his brother, the juniors help out with the proposal, and there's a marriage.

Altitude by starknjarvis

When Jin Ling lures Jiang Cheng to the Cloud Recesses under false pretenses, he finds himself out of place among this new family Wei Wuxian has formed.

Lan Xichen, at least, seems pleased to have his company.

Perhaps there is still a chance for Jiang Cheng to make amends and move forward.

[Modao Zushi Online] GLITCH REPORT: My Brother Got Chased Down And %$@*$&@ By Gusu Dungeon Boss??? by oh_fudgecakes

Modao Zushi Online is a virtual reality MMORPG. Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian are top ranking players in its new server, currently tied with their arch-nemesis from their previous server, Wen Chao. In an attempt to defeat him, they take on the Gusu Dungeon Boss, Zewu-jun, to win the reward of a legendary weapon. Ever the cheat, Wei Wuxian tries to take advantage of a glitch to defeat the seemingly undefeatable boss. It backfires. Jiang Cheng gets fucked by a boss monster.

He can't get enough.

Meanwhile, Lan Xichen, the unwitting staff member in charge of controlling Zewu-jun, absolutely did not sign up to be pulled into a secret virtual reality fling with a player. Mod Ji, who has to deal with Wei Wuxian's incessant glitch reporting of his brother's sex life, is long-suffering.

Mulberry by xxdz

Jiang Cheng grits his teeth and pushes harder. He feels like torn silk, the embroidery needle sinking in again and again and again; patiently, desperately, endlessly trying to make something beautiful out of something broken.

Jiang Cheng builds his sect, learns embroidery, and raises his nephew.

we can raise a little family by lanyon

“Well, brother,” says Wei Wuxian, leaning against the outside of Jiang Cheng’s chambers. “I had heard that you and Xichen went on a night hunt and came back with a baby, which is not the order I’d choose to do things in…”

In which Jiang Cheng and Lan Xichen acquire a baby of unknown origin, and are the very last to know what it means.

Beyond the Impossible by Silverine

Summoned by Lan Qiren, Jiang Wanyin goes to the Cloud Recesses to drop his nephew Jin Ling, expecting to discuss relevant matters with his old master. Instead, he's asked to take with him no other than Sect Leader Lan himself, all the way back to Lotus Pier. If the reason why he accepted such an outrageous task is indeed a mystery, he's about to be surprised by how this entire trip, their encounters, and his warm company, suddenly feel fated.

Incrementally by xxdz

Jiang Cheng is trapped in a day on repeat where he begins by waking in Zewu Jun’s bed at dawn and ends by dying painfully at dusk.

It’s getting very irritating, and he has the sneaking suspicion that his chances to solve his own murder are rapidly running out. Soon, his death will be much more permanent.

All in all, worst birthday ever.

Audience of One by WinterDreams

“Then let an established star go first,” Lan Xichen interrupts again before Lan Wangji can give a stubborn reply. Both men twist toward Lan Xichen, and he smiles at Wei Wuxian’s tilted head. “If I publicly date a man for awhile first, your engagement shouldn’t receive as much backlash.”

Or, that AU where everyone is famous in some way or another, Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji have been dating in private for years, and Lan Xichen and Jiang Cheng pretend to date publicly for their brothers' sake.

A Bit of Ruthlessness by jirluvien

When Jiang Cheng hears that Lan Xichen went into seclusion following Jin Guangyao’s death, it’s almost as if he can see the grabby hands of a restless ghost, reaching out for something to keep him company. For something warm and living and devastated. And as history has proved time and time again, the Lans are perfect victims when it comes to giving in to ghosts.Yeah, no. Not on Jiang Cheng’s fucking watch.A story about grief, determination, unexpected friendships, abandoned watchtowers, and letters. So many letters.

All Tied Up In You by Clearpearls

Yet again, the night had come to this:

Jiang Cheng on the floor, kneeling, Zidian wrapped around his wrists.

Alone.

Thank You, and I'm Sorry by Hamliet

Jin GuangYao might be dead, but his story is not. Taking advantage of the chaos he instigated, someone makes an attempt on the life of the young new leader of the Jin Sect. When Jiang Cheng takes Jin Ling to the Cloud Recesses to have him study while he attempts to work with Wei WuXian and his husband Lan WangJi to eliminate the threat, he encounters a mourning Lan XiChen, lovestruck teenagers, and a persistent corpse--and both pairs of brothers find themselves struggling to move on.

saturn's rings (don't be a heartbreaker) by iskendaris

Set after the seige of burial mounds, Yunmeng rebuilds as they hold the first Discussion Conference at Lotus Pier. Sometimes the night is a gift, a refuge for loneliness. "So stern, Sect Leader Jiang," Lan Xichen murmured, "So glacial... What will it take to melt that icy exterior? What can I say?"

"Nothing. There's nothing you can say or offer."

reciprocity by jukeboxhound

There’s a pause before Lan Xichen says, in a tone that’s a little more neutral, “I would like to paint on you.”

“…What?”

“Of course, if you say ‘yes’ but then change your mind at any point, for any reason, you need only say so and I will stop immediately,” he adds.

Well, silver lining: Jiang Cheng is feeling much more awake than he was a moment ago.

Talent Hunt Crew Finds Angry Guy Shouting On College Campus, Recruits Him For Vocal Projection Abilities by oh_fudgecakes

Jiang Cheng, resident Angry Guy and heir to a conglomerate empire, has never been the apple of his father’s eye. Quashed under the shadow of his brilliant brother, the music prodigy Wei Wuxian, Jiang Cheng sees his chance to turn things around when he is recruited by the All-Stars Lan Talent Hunt. One problem: he can’t sing to save his goddamn life.

As he struggles to develop his nascent singing abilities, Jiang Cheng finds himself sucked into the whirlwind drama of reality TV, helped along by his adoring siblings, his irritable vocal coach Wen Qing, and strangely enough, the unfairly attractive host of the All-Stars Lan Talent Hunt, Lan Xichen. Somewhere in the glare of the stage lights and an unexpected first love, Jiang Cheng stumbles upon the thing he was searching for all along: the courage to dream — and to attempt the impossible.

Marginal Costs by ohwhatevrewhatevr

“You think you know what you want, Er-Ge,” A-Yao says. “But you should consider what you’re willing to give first,” he says wryly, taking Lan XiChen’s chess piece with slim, skilled fingers.

Lan XiChen looks up at A-Yao’s concentrated expression and the hint of contentment on his face that he is special enough to be allowed to see.

“It’s not just one decision, but the lead up to many more. One decision decides what else you’re going to have to pay, and each time you have to ask yourself, ignoring the sunk costs, if this time it’s worth it as well.”

When his sworn brother looks up at him with those clear, amber eyes, waiting, Lan XiChen feels the pull and gives in: he asks.

“Are you happy being in love?”

(First half is two sad sworn brothers talking, internally mourning how unfortunate their other sworn brother’s death was :/ and second half is when a mopey boy in blue meets an angsty boy in purple whilst chasing a demonic cultivator, and a lil bit of sexy dual cultivation happens.)

Somewhat Tender by theherocomplex

There is no defense against kindness; it has always undone him.

I didn't expect you to be lonely (too) by bettydice (BettyKnight)

Jiang Cheng's life is a mess, he's a mess, and he doesn't miss his brother at all. So when his sister gifts him ten sessions with a massage therapist, who turns out to be someone he was crushing on for a hot minute as a teenager and is still as hot as ever... yeah, that might as well happen. It won't have to mean anything.

This feels intimate to Jiang Cheng in a way that's probably very inappropriate and maybe even pathetic. Nobody touches him like this, right where he’s hurt the most. There's no one who handles him so gently, so carefully.

It's the gentleness that's his undoing, he thinks. He would be able to deal better with it if it was painful.

Life for Rent by yodasyoyo

“Yeah well. You’re not taking me seriously. This guy is my soulmate!”

“Soulmate.” Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes. “Whatever.”

“Just because you don’t believe in them—”

“I believe in them!” Jiang Cheng says. “I’ve never denied they exist.”

“Just last week you said that it was an evolutionary quirk that had been used by greetings card companies, movie makers, and corporations to exploit lonely and vulnerable people.”

“And I stand by it! That doesn’t mean that soulmates aren’t real. Just incredibly unlikely and probably pointless.

Or:

Xicheng vs Soulmates. Fight!

Halfway Around the World by theherocomplex

Normally, Jiang Cheng would be seething, jaw clenched tight, if someone sounded like that while they were talking, but — Lan Xichen has the trick of always making you feel like you're in on the joke, whatever the joke is. That you're laughing together.

Whelmed by yodasyoyo

For months now Jiang Cheng’s been idly fantasizing about how it would be if something were to come between Wei Ying and Lan Zhan. Mostly those daydreams have been simple enough — they break up (probably because Lan Zhan is boring or Wei Ying is annoying), Wei Ying is sad for a couple of days (Jiang Cheng’s willing to allow some space for feelings, he isn't a total monster), but then Wei Ying realizes he’s better off, he gets over it, and Jiang Cheng gets his brother back.

Unfortunately the fantasy version of events has only proven partially true, so far. They've broken up. Wei Ying has been sad.

Now weeks have passed, though — and Wei Ying is still sad, every. Single. Day.

It’s like Jiang Cheng's stuck in a looping GIF, and it’s driving him insane.

Or:

Jiang Cheng plots, Lan Huan pines, and, unfortunately for Lan Qiren, Wangxian are inevitable.

#xicheng #fic recs #mdzs #mdzs recs #jiang cheng #lan xichen #obvs these reflect my personal preferences etc etc

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study-coffee-chicago · 3 years

Text

Seasons of Med: Season 4 and Seasons of PD: Season 6: Of Loss and Letters (A Halstead Brothers + Halstead Sister! Imagine)

As always, I do not own any quotes from Chicago Med 4x02.

Y/N's age: 17

Jay's age: 31

Will's age: 33

You sat in your English 11 class and wrote and wrote an essay for your test. Your hand was starting to cramp. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw someone's phone light up from the phone caddy.

Yes, that's right. Your high school now had a phone caddy where students had to put their phones every class. Each student was assigned a number and then that's where they put their phone during that hour. Some teachers didn't care and let you keep it on you, but some did.

Your phone lit up again. You so desperately wanted to look at your watch that was connected to your phone, but you knew that doing so would look like you were cheating, so you decided against it. And, you turned your attention back to your test.

It lit up again and this time your teacher had had enough and stood up to grab your phone.

"Sorry to interrupt your tests," she started, "but how many times do I have to tell you guys to put your phones away with the screen facing the whiteboard. That way it's not dis--" She sucked in a breath as a text came across your screen. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw one word: hospital. And, this caused her to read the text. "Y/N, please come with me."

You stood up, utterly confused, and then left the room.

"Firstly, let me say I didn't try to read your texts. I just saw it out of the corner of my eye and...it's important."

You believed this teacher. She was young, pretty fresh out of college, and one time when you came in for a review session, she made all of you guys brownies to snack on while you worked.

She handed you your phone. It was a text from Jay.

Dad's in the hospital.

Your breath caught in your throat. Was it something with his heart? Had he started drinking again?

"Can I--"

"You can go, Y/N. I'll call the office and have someone bring your books down there after class so you can pick them up there when you come to school later. Drive safe."

"Thank you."

You practically sprinted down the hallway and to your locker as another text came in from Jay.

If you don't answer in the next ten minutes, I'm calling school to get you out.

You finished shoving stuff into your backpack and then started on your way to the office. You went to sign out when one of the secretaries stopped you.

"I've got it, hun. You just take care of yourself." Your teacher must've called down.

"Thank you," you choked out and then left the building, dialing Jay's number as you walked.

"Jay!" you exclaimed when he picked up on the first ring. "What happened to Dad? I was taking a test and then my phone started blowing up. Is he okay?"

"Y/N, there was a fire at his apartment. He's in the ED at Med. Will will fill you in more when you get here." You could tell by the tone of his voice that it wasn't good.

"Jay, you can't just tell me that! There's gotta be more!"

"Y/N, you're about to drive. You'll be at Med in twenty minutes. I don't need you to get in a car accident. Do you want me to stay on the phone with you?"

"Please." You got in your car and then turned your phone on speaker and started your car. "Can you tell me stories on my way there?" you asked Jay. "I need something else to focus on."

"Focus on the road."

"I mean listen to. I need something else to listen to."

"What kind of stories?" he asked.

"Can you tell me how Mom and Dad met?"

"You know how they met: it was at a White Sox game. Dad saw Mom stand up to buy some popcorn and said he fell in love with her at first sight. He must not have been a pain in the ass then. And, his favorite pastime probably wasn't yelling at people like it is now. Probably smiled more, too."

"Technically, he doesn't yell at me," you said. "Except when he was drunk before you started taking care of me and he finished the twelve steps."

"Oh, right. I forgot. I'm his favorite person to yell at," Jay said sarcastically. "He wasn't always an ass, though. He was actually excited to have a daughter at first. And then, his asshole buddies in construction changed his mind and made him think that women weren't his equals."

"Dicks," you muttered. "What did you and Will do when you found out that Mom was going to have me? Were you mad you weren't going to be the youngest anymore?"

"Nah, I was happy I'd have someone to pick on like Will picked on me."

"Hey!"

"Obviously I didn't follow through with that line of reasoning," he laughed. "Mom was telling us how we'd have to play tea parties with you and all that girly stuff. Me and Will obviously weren't too thrilled about that."

"Well, you're lucky I'm not a girly-girl then and didn't really play tea parties."

"That's because I taught you how to kick a soccer ball the minute you could walk. Shocked you didn't play that in middle school and now in high school," he added.

"I'm not competitive enough for that."

"Oh, believe me, we know. That's why you didn't play goalie: because one game you were goalie, you just sat down in the goal and started playing with the grass."

"Goalie was boring. And, you don't get a break; you don't get to sub-in. My favorite part of kiddie soccer was the snacks and juice boxes at the end."

"Don't forget those few times you scored goals during the games," Jay pointed out.

"Yeah, I guess that part was kinda fun."

"See? You had fun."

"Not really. But, I'm pulling into Med now. I'll gonna park and then I'll be in the ED."

"Okay, make sure you remember where you parked."

"Don't worry, I will."

You parked and then made your way into the ED waiting room.

"Miss, I'm going to need you to take a seat and wait to be seen," a nurse you didn't recognize said.

"Oh, no," you started. "I'm not hurt. It's my dad. He was in the fire and my brother called." You looked down at your feet, finally realizing the gravity of the situation. "My brother called and said he's in the ED. Um, one of my brothers is Dr. Will Halstead."

"Oh, I'm sorry, honey. Go right on in." She gave you a sympathetic look.

"Thank you."

You hustled into the ED and looked for Maggie or one of your brothers. You spotted Maggie first.

"Maggie where's--"

"Your dad's in Treatment One." She pointed you in the direction of the room and you made your way over there.

You entered the room at the same time as Dr. Rhodes. "You guys wanna fill her in?"

"What's going on?" you asked, worry evident in your voice.

Your dad started coughing and spit some bile into a bin, causing you to wrinkle your nose in disgust.

"Dad tried to play hero," Jay started to explain, "He forgot he was in his 60s with a bum ticker."

"Yeah, well, this is your fault to begin with," Pat Halstead said.

"Me?" Jay asked.

"Yeah, you stuck me in that fire trap."

"Please, can you two just not fight for once?" you complained.

"Pop, stop talking," Will urged.

Dr. Rhodes started doing an EKG and then ordered some tests, finally shutting your dad up...and saving you from another argument between Jay and your dad. Then, after he was done, he got called out to consult for Dr. Choi.

"I don't need all this," your dad complained once Dr. Rhodes had left the room.

"Calm down," Jay told him rudely. "You're getting yourself all worked up."

"What do you know? You're no doctor."

"Dad," you said.

"You had no right to sell my house!"

"You wanna talk about this again?" Jay practically yelled. "It was a wreck. You couldn't take care of the place."

"You just wanted my money!"

"Hey!" Will yelled, but it didn't stop the two...nothing ever did.

"You don't have any money you thankless old prick!" Jay yelled and then started to walk out.

"Jay!" Will yelled as you started to follow him out, hoping to calm him down. "Y/N, stay here," Will told you.

"Why?"

"I know you're gonna try to calm him down, but he needs to cool off by himself right now."

You huffed. "Fine." You turned back to your dad. "I don't think he really meant it. He was mad. Both of you say things you don't mean when you're angry. You two are a lot alike that way. Like when you said he wasn't a son of yours."

"Yeah, you should apologize for that one," Will agreed.

"Not until he apologizes for what he just said to me. Only then will I--"

Alarms started sounding and lights starting flashing. Will hit a button on the wall and two nurses rushed in.

"Will, what's happening?" you screamed. "What's happening to Dad?"

Will lowered the bed and then put his fingers to your dad's neck. "No pulse. Bag him."

"Wait, he's your dad," a nurse, who you recognized as Monique, said. "Shouldn't another doctor run the code?"

"You got one handy?" Will asked as he started chest compressions.

"Will, what's happening?" Jay asked as he re-entered the room.

"Jay, I need you to take Y/N out of here. Now."

"No, I wanna stay. What's going on?"

"Jay, now," Will stated again.

Jay placed on hand on your back. "Y/N, c'mon."

The alarms were still sounding, the lights still flashing.

"No!" you yelled.

"Y/N, I need room in here," Will told you. "The best thing you can do for Dad is to leave this room."

"No! I wanna stay!" you yelled again.

Jay looked at Will and he nodded. Then, you felt yourself being lifted off the ground by Jay.

"Put me down! Put me down!" You started kicking and swinging your arms, but he didn't budge. "Let me go back in there!"

Once safely out of the room--and having drawn the attention of most people in the ED--did Jay finally put you down. You tried to run back towards the treatment room, but Jay scooped you back up.

"Nope. We're going outside," Jay told you.

"Fine. But, once we're out there, I'm not walking with you."

You crossed your arms in frustration. After that little stunt he pulled back there, there was nothing he could say that made you want to be around him.

"That's fine. Just keep your phone on you."

***

As you kept walking down the sidewalk to the right--Jay had went left as soon as you walked outside because you didn't want to be around him--you spotted none other than Kelly Severide sitting on a bench, looking like he was currently throwing himself a pity party.

"Hey," you said as you walked up to him.

"Y/N? what are you doing out here?" he asked as he looked up.

"I could ask you the same thing."

"Well, have a seat. You look like you've been crying."

"So do you," you pointed out.

"Stella's in the ED," he admitted. "She had a nasty inhalation injury. They uh, they might not be able to save her lung...which means she wouldn't be able to be a firefighter anymore." He looked back down.

"I'm sorry, Kelly. But, Stella's a fighter."

"Yeah, I know. She left home when she was eighteen and she didn't have the best home life before that either."

"She told me."

"She told you?" he asked, looking back up at you.

"Yeah, when she helped me get ready for homecoming, she told me that she gets it. She gets what it's like not having a mom to help you get ready for dances."

"Dude, we have a problem," Will said through the phone to Jay.

"Which is...?" Jay asked.

"Nat got called in. We don't have anyone to help Y/N get ready for the dance."

"Shit," Jay cursed. "Yeah, that really is a problem. Let me make some calls."

Jay hung up the phone with Will and then scrolled through his contacts. He thought about asking Hailey, but he wasn't super close with her yet, so she was off the table.

Then it hit him: Stella.

But he didn't have her number.

But he had Kelly's.

"Please don't be on shift, please don't be on shift," he muttered as the line started ringing.

"Hey, Halstead," Kelly answered.

"Hey, man. Listen, I've got a huge favor to ask you. Well, actually, it's more you asking Stella for the favor."

"What do you want me to ask her? She's right here."

"Well, it's Y/N's homecoming dance tonight and Nat was gonna come over and help her get ready and she got called into work. I was wondering if maybe Stella could come over and help Y/N out."

"Okay, I'll ask her."

He heard mumbling which he guessed was Kelly talking to Stella. "I'm gonna put her on," Kelly said after a minute.

"Okay."

"Hey, Jay," Stella said into Kelly's phone.

"Hey, Stella. Kelly explain everything to you?" Jay asked.

"He did. I'll be over there in an hour. Unless you need me sooner, then I can make it half an hour."

"An hour works great. Thank you so much. You're a lifesaver, really."

***

Jay had left to run to the store and had told you that Stella would be there in an hour. So, when someone knocked on your apartment door twenty minutes later, you were utterly confused.

You got up from the couch and looked through the peephole in your apartment door, seeing none other than frick and frack...otherwise known as Adam and Kevin.

"What are you two doing here?" you asked as you opened the door. "If you're looking for Jay, he went out to run some errands."

"No, we're actually here to see you," Kevin said.

"Me?"

"Yeah," Adam confirmed. "Aren't you supposed to be in a dress or something?"

"I'll put it on after Stella dose my hair," you told them. "Sorry, c'mon in."

The two entered the apartment, but you were still confused as to why they were here, and why they were here for you and not your brother.

"I guess we can teach her like this," Adam said.

"Might be better, too," Kevin started. "That way she won't rip her dress when we're first teaching her."

"Uh, excuse me. Right here, guys. What are you planning on teaching me?" you asked, annoyed that they were talking about you like you weren't even there.

"We are here, little Y/N, to teach you how to fight," Adam answered.

"First of all, don't ever call me little Y/N again. Second of all, no you're not. What's the real reason you're here?"

"That's it," Adam laughed.

You raised an eyebrow, so Kevin decided that he needed to clarify. "It's just for self-defense. Just in case a horny teenage boy comes up to you and starts grinding on you at the dance, so you'll know what to do."

You were still skeptical about this, but they did have a good point. You had to give them that.

"Okay, so what do I do? And, did Jay put you two up to this?" you asked.

"He didn't," Adam answered. "We came of our own free will. First thing you need to know about throwing a punch is doing it with a closed fist." You closed your fist. "Perfect. Now, when you throw the punch, make sure your arm is locked out."

You did as he said and your punch was a little flimsy, but you worked on it.

***

"Is this the right color you think? I tried my best," Jay said as he met Stella in the elevator on their way up to his apartment. He pulled out a sparkly black bottle of nail polish. Stella had asked if your nails were done, and when he said no, she asked if he could pick up some nail polish while she packed up all her hair stuff and makeup to help you get ready. He had reluctantly agreed. By looking at the picture of your dress he had on his phone--it was a two-piece dress where the skirt portion was long enough that it covered your belly. The skirt was white with a floral design and the top was black with sequins--and used that to figure out what color nail polish to pick. Stella told him to keep it simple, so he just picked up a black bottle with some sparkles.

"Perfect!" Stella exclaimed as she looked at the color.

They got off the elevator and then walked to your and Jay's apartment. When Jay opened the door, he was met with one of the weirdest sights he had seen in his life: Adam was rolling around on the floor in what looked to be pain and you were jumping up and down and celebrating and then giving Kevin a high five.

"What happened here?" Jay asked.

"Oh, hey bro," Kevin said.

"Hey, Jay," Adam gritted out from his spot on the floor.

"We were teaching Y/N self-defense in case someone grinds on her at the dance," Kevin supplied. "And, we got to the kneeing part."

"So, she kneed him where the sun don't shine?" Jay laughed.

"Yeah," Kevin confirmed.

"Good job, Y/N. Adam, I'll get you ice and a beer. Kev, you want one?" Kevin nodded and Jay handed the small bag containing the nail polish to Stella.

"So, here's the deal," Stella started. "Natalie got called into work, so you're stuck with me helping you get ready. I've got some nail polish that your brother so generously went out and picked up for you, a straightener, a curling iron, tons of bobby pins and little hair ties, and tons of makeup. Just tell me what you want and we'll get the ball rolling."

You helped Adam up off the ground and then started towards your room, Stella following close behind.

***

"You know, I never had a mom to help me with this kind of stuff either," Stella confessed as she was twisting your hair.

"You didn't?" you asked. "Who helped you?"

"My mom was in and out of my life in high school, so usually one of the nice neighbor ladies helped me with my hair. The makeup was all me."

"So, you know how it is. I feel like it's harder for me than for Will and Jay because they both had Mom for over twenty years. I only had her for nine."

"Well, if you ever wanna talk about girl stuff, I'm your girl. Now, anyone special you wanna dance with? Or are meeting him at the dance?" Stella asked.

"Well, there is someone." You blushed.

"Girl," she dropped your hair. "You can't just leave me hanging like that. Who is it?"

"His name's Caleb. He's really good friends with my friend, Andrea." Stella knew who this was. She knew that you had saved her life during the shooting half a year ago. "He's really cute. Tall, Brown hair. Blue eyes. One of the star players on the football team," you told her wistfully.

"Ooh, you got it bad," Stella laughed.

"I got what bad?"

"Your crush on this Caleb kid. You are crushing on him so hard, Y/N. Can't say I blame you. The popular kid is always the way to go...as long as he's not a douche."

"He's actually not. He's actually really nice."

"Well, does Caleb have a date to the dance?" Stella asked.

You sighed. "He does. Her name's Sasha and she's a total bitch. Excuse my French."

"Well, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret: sooner or later, the dude sees his girl's true colors."

"I, uh, I thought about asking him to dance. I remember Jay saying when I was like four and he was going to his senior prom, that if he wasn't dating Allie and a girl asked him to dance, that he'd dance with her because it takes guts to ask someone to dance. But, since Caleb's got a date, that probably won't happen."

"Hey, if he's dancing solo and a slow song comes on, you gotta ask him to dance. Shoot your shot, girl."

"You're right. I'm gonna ask him to dance. I will ask Caleb to dance."

"That's the spirit! Now, we gotta get you looking extra hot so he falls in love with you when he's staring into your eyes while you two are slow dancing the night away."

You laughed and Stella returned to your hair.

***

Later that night, a slow song came on and Sasha was nowhere to be seen with Caleb. But, he was on the dance floor, near the back wall, all by himself. So, you asked him to dance. He said yes, and after, he even gave you a hug. Best dance of your high school career so far.

After you texted Andrea to tell her that you danced with Caleb because you had no idea where she was, the next person you texted was Stella. You knew she'd be hella excited for you.

You crushed on Caleb for a few months after that. But, then he got a new girlfriend and ended up cheating on her with not one, but two different girls. Needless to say, your crush on him died the second you found out this information.

"She loves you, you know," you said to Kelly.

"She told you this?" he asked.

"She didn't have to. Every time Stella sees you, or even when she talks to you, her face lights up."

"She's good for me. That's for sure."

You paused. You knew Kelly didn't have the best relationship with his dad and neither did Jay, Will, or even you. You also knew his dad had died a few months ago, around October and it was currently February. "Did you ever get mad at yourself?" you asked.

"About what?"

"When your dad died. You knew he wasn't the best person, but you were still sad."

"I'm sorry, Y/N. I don't understand where you're going with this," Kelly apologized.

"I know my dad wasn't the best person, hell he was neglectful and unfit to be a parent, still is. So, why do me and my brothers still see him? Why do I still feel sad and scared that he might die?" you asked. You knew this was something you should be asking your school counselor--you had started seeing her a lot this past year because of the shooting--but Kelly was here now. And, maybe he'd understand because he didn't have a very good dad either.

"It's because you remember how he used to be," Kelly said. "You, Jay, and Will all remember when he was a better person. When Benny died, I didn't feel like I was grieving current Benny. I was more grieving for the Benny I knew when I was five years old when he was a good dad. And, I never gave up hope that he'd become a better father as I grew up. When he died, I knew it would never happen. You're grieving the dad you used to know and the hope you might lose of him becoming a better man."

You nodded because you really had no idea what to say. You thought Kelly was right; maybe that was the reason why you were sad and fearful about the possibility of your dad dying. You two sat in silence after that, finding comfort in each other's presence, each hoping for the best, but trying to prepare yourself for the worst.

***

You walked into the ED, to be met with Jay storming out and Will quickly following after him. You ran after them.

When they finally stopped, you made your presence known. "Okay, someone wanna tell me what the hell's going on?"

"Dad's brain dead and Will, Will doesn't want a second opinion and just wants to let Dad die," Jay spat.

"A- Are you sure he's brain dead? Maybe you read it wrong?" you asked. There had to have been some kind of mistake. Your dad couldn't be brain dead; he couldn't be a vegetable.

"Y/N, I know this is a lot of information to take in, but the EEG, the thing that reads brain waves, showed that Dad's brain dead. Dr. Abrams read it and he's our top neurosurgeon."

"I still want a second opinion," Jay restated.

"Abrams is our top neurosurgeon, Jay. The opinion doesn't get any better than that," Will told him.

Jay scoffed. "So all your degrees, all that money, all those years in school, this is the best you can do?"

"Jay, Dad almost died two years ago. He's been living on borrowed time."

"Abrams didn't say Dad had no chance!" Jay protested.

"One thousand to one is no chance."

"So you just want to give up?" Jay clenched his fists at his side.

"I've seen a lot of patients in his condition--"

"There goes that doctor voice."

"I'm sorry, but I am a doctor," Will retorted.

Jay scoffed. "Yeah, we got that message. And Dad knew you thought you were better than us. We always came in second. Hell, Y/N came in second because you were away at med school! Who was looking after her when Mom was dying? Me and Dad. Who took her in because Dad's a shitty parent? Me. You weren't there, and now you wanna decide what happens to Dad?" He stepped closer to Will.

Will took a step closer to Jay as well. "You know that's not true, Jay."

"Yes, it is!"

Will opened his mouth and started to say something, but you weren't listening, you were too busy stepping between your brothers because you sensed a fight about to break out.

"Enough!" you yelled. Both Will and Jay looked down at you, shocked at your outburst. "Dad's fucking dying in there and you're fighting about old shit! Don't you see that it doesn't matter? Do you really want to spend your last moments with Dad fighting? Because I sure as hell don't."

Then, you moved away from them and made your way to the bathroom before you started bawling. You really didn't want to do that in front of the other people milling around the hospital.

Jay sighed and put his hands behind his head as he watched you walk off towards the bathroom.

"I never thought I'd say this," Will started, "but she's right. We can't be fighting right now."

"Yeah, I guess we shouldn't be doing that," Jay said. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I know you didn't mean it."

"Guess me and Dad really are alike. Stubborn and quick to yell things we don't mean."

"I'm pretty sure all of us got the stubborn gene, even Y/N."

Then, The COO of the hospital, who Will introduced as Ms. Garrett walked up to them and told them that they had the full support and all the resources that the hospital had available to help their dad. This didn't seem like her at all, so Will excused himself to go talk to Ms. Goodwin. And, Jay figured this was as good a time as any to see how you were doing, as he hadn't seen you leave the bathroom yet.

***

Jay popped his head into the bathroom and since he only saw one stall in use and saw your shoes in that one, he entered the bathroom and locked the door.

He heard a sniffle. "Short Stack? You okay?" He paused, mentally kicking himself. "Stupid question, of course, you're not okay. I know you're in here," Jay said gently.

"Go away," you said through your tears.

"Y/N, you know I can't do that."

"I just wanna be alone...and for you and Will to stop fighting."

"We made up. Me and Will are fine. Can you please come out?"

You swallowed and frantically wiped your tears away and the snot that ran from your nose. Then, you walked out of the stall and immediately over to Jay and hugged him. "I'm sorry," you mumbled into his brown jacket. "I'm sorry for yelling and swearing. I just wanted you guys- I just wanted you guys to stop."

"I know, I know. Neither of us is mad at you. You had every right to be pissed at us."

"It's just- It's just... nevermind. It's stupid."

"Y/N, it's not stupid. Just tell me. I promise I won't laugh."

"You promise?"

"I promise," he confirmed.

You sighed. "I didn't get as much time with Mom as you two did and now I'm not getting as much time with Dad. You guys had both of them--" You drew in a shaky breath. "You guys had both of them at your high school graduations. I won't have that. I won't have that, Jay."

And that's when you crumbled and you just sobbed into Jay's jacket. When you were nine, you never really comprehended the number of things your mom wouldn't be there for, like your first high school dance, your first date, your first kiss, your high school graduation, your college graduation(s), your wedding, your possibly having a kid and her possibly having grandkids. Granted, your dad wasn't the best dad or even the best man in general, but now you'd have neither parent at any of those things, at any of those milestones.

Jay just held you as you continued to sob about all the things your parents wouldn't be there for, holding you just as your mom would hold him whenever he cried when he was younger.

***

You and Jay sat next to each other by your dad's bedside, the sounds of the vent that was currently keeping him alive were the only sounds that could be heard. Will came in and motioned for Jay to meet him outside the room.

"Be right back." He placed a hand on your shoulder.

"Be right outside," Will promised.

Outside of the room, Will explained that the reason Gwen Garrett wanted to keep your dad alive was that his bypass was 29 days ago. And that she just wants to keep your dad alive for one more day just so the hospital didn't take a hit.

"You think Dad would want this?" Will asked. "To stay alive just to buff some numbers?"

"No, no he wouldn't. But, me and Y/N talked while you tried to figure out what that Garrett lady wanted. Uh, Y/N didn't get as much time as we did with Mom and now she's getting less time than we are with Dad."

"Because she's a lot younger than us. What are you trying to say, Jay?" Will asked.

"I think Y/N should decide. She should decide whether or not we keep Dad on the vent because she had the least amount of time with him. She should get to decide whether or not she gets more time with him."

"Jay, I'm not trying to argue with you, but do you really think that's a good idea? Her decision could cause her a lot of trauma down the road if she ends up thinking she made the wrong choice in the future," Will pointed out.

"We could tell her our opinions and what we want, but tell her that ultimately, she gets to make the final decision. That way, she doesn't feel like it's totally on her," Jay suggested.

"And if she doesn't want to make that big of a decision?"

"We decide between ourselves."

Will sighed. Jay did make a good point. "Fine. But if she feels like shit for months, I'm blaming you."

"Add you to the list of people blaming me for bad shit in their lives."

"Are you lumping me together with criminals you put away?"

"Basically."

Will and Jay re-entered the room. "Why does it feel like he's squeezing my hand?" you asked.

Will sighed. He didn't want to crush your hope of your dad coming back, even though he knew it wouldn't happen, but he also knew that he couldn't give you false hope; he knew he needed to explain this to you.

"Those are just reflexes," Will answered. "I'm sorry, Short Stack, but they don't mean anything."

"They don't? He doesn't know I'm here?" You sniffled.

"He doesn't know," Will confirmed.

You nodded and continued to hold your dad's hand.

"Y/N, we have something to tell you," Jay started. You tore your eyes away from your dad and up to your brothers. "Me and Will decided that you should decide whether we keep Dad on the vent because you got the least amount of time with him."

"You- you guys want me to decide whether Dad lives or dies?" you asked.

Will nodded. "If you don't want to, me and Jay can decide between ourselves, but you can still tell us what you'd prefer. If you want to decide, we can let you do that. Or, if you want our opinions before you decide, that's fine, too."

"What do you guys think? I don't want to decide all by myself," you practically whispered.

And so, they explained to you how Garrett just wanted to keep your dad alive for one more day just to buff some numbers and how they didn't think he'd want to be alive just to do that, just to save the hospital from liability.

You also knew that there were one thousand to one odds against your dad coming back and that those weren't odds at all. He'd need a miracle. And, if there was one thing you knew about your dad, it was that he didn't believe in miracles. He believed in hard work, not miracles.

It was for these reasons that you said what you said next: "Let him go."

***

"Just when I thought you couldn't get any dumber," Will started when you and Jay arrived at your dad's apartment a few days later to go through his stuff. Surprisingly, most of it had been spared during the fire. "You went after the person responsible for the fire, didn't tell anyone, and ended up getting shot."

"You got shot?" you yelled as you walked in.

"Nice going, man. She didn't know," Jay said, annoyed. He turned to you. "It hit the vest. I'm totally fine. I just have some bruising on my chest. Nothing to worry about."

"And you two tell me to be careful," you mumbled. "I should be telling you that."

"It's no use, Y/N," Will said. "I tell him all the time. He just never listens."

"You know you're not a cat, right Jay? You don't have nine lives."

Jay rolled his eyes. "Where are we starting?"

***

Jay looked down at the pictures he was going through. He always thought that his dad didn't make it to his police academy graduation. But, the photo in front of him proved him wrong: there, in his hand, was a picture that his dad took of him on stage, getting his badge pinned to his chest when he had graduated from the police academy with the date written on the back.

He put a hand over his mouth to stifle his sobs and keep you and Will from hearing them. But, he didn't know you were on your way to find him.

"Jay, Will's wondering if you want us to order pizza? You good with--" You stopped talking when you saw Jay sitting on the floor, staring at a photo with silent tears streaming down his face. "What's wrong?" You knelt down next to him.

Jay frantically wiped his tears away using the hand that wasn't holding the photo. "Sorry, yeah, tell Will he can order pizza."

"Jay," you said sternly. "What's wrong? And, don't you dare say nothing. Because you wouldn't let me say nothing, you'd bug me until I told you. So, if you don't tell me, I'm going to keep bugging you about it, just like you'd do to me."

Jay chuckled. "I really screwed myself over by using that parenting tactic, didn't I?"

"Yeah, you did. Now, what's wrong?"

Jay sighed. The Halstead stubbornness was starting to show more and more now that you had been living with him. And, because of this, Jay knew that you wouldn't let up.

"I always thought Dad never went to my graduation from the academy." He set the picture on the floor between you guys. "But he did."

You furrowed your eyebrows. "You didn't know that?"

"Why would I? Did you know?" he asked, turning to look at you.

"Yeah. He had to leave early because he had to make sure he was home when I got home from school. That's why he couldn't congratulate you after. He never told you?"

"No, he didn't."

"You know the first thing he said to me when I walked inside?" Jay shook his head. "He said: your brother's a Chicago police officer. I'm proud of him. And your mother would be, too."

"He- he said that?" Jay asked, getting choked up once more.

"He did. He might not have said it, but he was so proud of you, Jay. So proud."

***

Will opened a cabinet to grab some paper plates for you three to eat your pizza off of. As he was grabbing them, his hand brushed up against something leaning up against the back wall of the inside of the cabinet. It wasn't one something, but multiple somethings. He furrowed his eyebrows and took out the entire stack of paper plates, causing the multiple somethings to fall to where the paper plates had previously been. Then, he took the mystery things out of the cabinet.

He gasped when he read the first one.

In his hand, he held six letters, two addressed to each of you, one from your mom and one from your dad.

"Will, what's taking so long?" Jay asked as he flipped open the pizza box. "Food's getting cold."

"I think the pizza's gonna have to wait, guys." Instead of grabbing the plates and bringing them to the table, he brought the letters instead.

"Those don't look like plates to me," Jay pointed out.

"Because they're not." He set the pile of letters on the table. "They're letters. Addressed to each of us."

"But, that's Mom's handwriting," Jay said, flabbergasted.

"What do they say?" you asked.

"Only one way to find out," Will said and reached for the two addressed to him.

You and Jay did the same.

You swore you could hear a pin drop as each of you slowly ripped opened the yellowing envelopes. The seals were easy to open because, since they had been sealed for so long, some of the stickiness was gone.

Will first started with the one from his dad.

Dear William,

I know I said a real man goes right to work. And, I know I was mad at you for doing what you wanted to do and becoming a doctor. But, I guess I just have to think of med school as on the job training...that you pay a ton of money for. You will never hear me say this out loud to you because you know as well as I do that I am as stubborn as they come and I hate admitting I was wrong. But, you did good, kid. Both you and Jay did.

I'll keep this short because, if you're reading this, that means I'm gone and I'm assuming you, Jay, and Y/N are busy with the arrangements. But, just know that even though I don't say it a lot, I love you and I'm proud of you, son.

Love, your father,

Pat Halstead.

Will wiped below his eyes. His dad did say he was proud of him when he was out of surgery two years ago. And, Connor had told him everything his dad had said about him before he went under the anesthesia. But, it was nice to have that in writing because it would be there forever.

It was like all three of you had the same idea to open the letter from your dad first. Your logic was that you figured your mom's would make you cry more, so you figured you'd open that last.

Jay fought to keep his eyes dry as he read the letter from his dad. He regretted the last words he had said to him, now more than ever.

Dear Jayson,

I know you think I hated you for going into the military straight out of high school. But, I didn't. I was just scared, scared I was going to lose you. One thing you don't know is that I tell everyone I work with that you're a war veteran. I love bragging about you and telling people about your accomplishments. They always say I should be so proud of you. And, I'm sorry I never tell you that, but I am proud of you, really proud of you. You fought for our country and saved countless lives over there. Just keep saving the innocent, Jay. That's what you seem to do best...and fight against the people who tell you that you can't do it, just like how you fought against me when I told you not to join the military.

I'll keep this short because if you're reading this, that means I'm gone. But, always remember that I am so proud of you and that I love you so much.

Love, your father,

Pat Halstead.

His dad was proud of him. And now he had a reason as to why his dad didn't want him to join the military: he was scared. And, Jay told himself that if he had his own kids, he'd probably do the same thing because he had seen the horrors of battle and he wouldn't want any of his kids to go through that.

Finally, you read yours. And, as you read it, you were crying more than your brothers. You really didn't care, though.

To my daughter,

As I am writing this, you are nine years old and want to be a doctor. I don't know how that will pan out or if you'll change your mind on what you want to do. But, I am here to tell you, don't let anyone or anything stand in your way of what you want to be. Don't let Will stand in your way and don't stand in his shadow if you become a doctor. Strive to be better than him. Compete with each other if you end up going into the medical field; a little friendly competition never hurt anyone. Be smart and keep your brothers in line because Lord knows they're both as stubborn and as reckless as they come.

Love, your father,

Pat Halstead.

So, Jay was right: Dad wasn't always a sexist pig. And, Kelly was right as well: you missed your old Dad, the one who believed you could do anything, not the one who you knew when you were 13 to now, who was drunk, unfit to parent, and sexist as hell.

Then, Will opened the letter from his Mom.

To my first baby, Will,

First of all, let me say that I love you so much, more than you can ever imagine. I know you'll be a great doctor. Just, be smart, and try to be a little less stubborn because I'm assuming you're going to have to work with other doctors. Find it in you to compromise. I don't know what to say in this because me and your dad agreed that you and Jay and Y/N will get these letters when he's passed as well, so I don't know how far into the future you'll be seeing this. So, I figured I'd leave you with some life tips.

Mom's life tips to Will:

1. Never, ever lay your hands on or disrespect a woman. If you do, I will come down from heaven and smite you myself. This goes for Jay, too.

2. Make sure you help your girlfriend or wife with the household chores, like cleaning and cooking. You never leave all it to her. Again, same goes for Jay.

3. I'm sorry to say this, but never grow out a long beard. You have red hair and if you grow out a beard, you'll look like an overgrown leprechaun. Sorry, sweetheart.

Love,

Mom (Amelia Halstead).

PS. In this envelope you will find $500. This is to help you with med school loans, malpractice insurance, or if you're reading this way into the future, to help you with bills, and your own little family.

Will let out a small chuckle as he read the last life tip. And, thankfully, he had never decided to grow out his beard. And now he never would.

Jay looked down at his mom's loopy cursive handwriting and began to read.

To Jay, my second baby,

First of all, I love you more than you can ever imagine. And I am so, so proud of you for choosing to serve your country. I don't know whether you'll decide to stay in or leave the rangers, but I'm sure you'll be amazing at whatever it is you choose to pursue. And Jay, please keep in mind that you only have one life. Don't be crazy and reckless out there. I don't think you will be, but I'm just reminding you because I'm your mom and that's what moms do, they nag you and they worry about you no matter what. And, if you're reading this, that means your dad has passed away as well. Don't take this the wrong way, but please go see a therapist. You've fought in a war and seen terrible things overseas (I know because you once had a nightmare at home. I just didn't tell you that I knew this) and you've lost both of your parents. You should talk to a professional, sweetheart. But, always remember that I will be with you when your nightmares get rough. And, if Y/N wants to follow in your footsteps and go into the military, talk to her about it, but don't fight her on it like Dad did to you. Finally, I will leave you with some life tips.

Mom's life tips for Jay:

1. Never, ever lay your hands on or disrespect a woman. If you do, I will come down from heaven and smite you myself. I already wrote this in Will's letter as well.

2. Make sure you help your girlfriend or wife with the household chores, like cleaning and cooking. You never leave all it to her. Again, this is in Will's letter, too.

3. I know you want to save everyone, Jay. And, you have a big heart, but you also take things personally. Just know that you can't save everyone and that is okay. Be kind to yourself and think of all the people you did save as opposed to those who you couldn't. It's okay to grieve for them, but don't let your grief last forever.

Love,

Mom (Amelia Halstead).

PS. Also in this envelope is $500. Use it towards therapy. But, if you already made the leap to go to therapy, one I am proud of you, and two, use it for something else. Donate it to veterans in need maybe. Or, use it to help pay off loans if you decided to go to college if you ended up leaving the military. Or, if you're reading this way in the future, use this money to help with bills and your own little family.

Maybe Jay would start therapy again now. He had gone a while ago, but after his meds stabilized his nightmares again, he stopped going. Maybe he'll go again because as he always said, his mom was a smart lady.

You were ugly crying as you opened the envelope and read the first few words that your mom had written.

To my baby girl,

Y/N, I love you so much and you will always be my baby girl no matter how old you get. I know I only got nine years with you, but know that I will always be with you in your heart no matter where you are. I was so excited when I found out I was having a girl and I'm so sorry we didn't get as much time on earth together as we should have. Continue doing what you love. Don't let your brothers take Beary from you. And, don't take no for answer when someone tells you that you can't do something just because you're a girl. Us girls are strong. As for the future, sweetheart, you have the kindest little personality right now. Never lose that. But, at the same time, don't let anyone take advantage of that. Stand up for yourself and stand up for others in need. I am going to leave you with more life tips than I left your brothers because they're older and should know a few more things than you at the moment...and they aren't girls.

Mom's life tips for Y/N:

1. And, don't laugh at this, but it works. When shaving down there, apply deodorant down there after. It helps to keep razor bumps and itchiness at a minimum.

2. Don't go for the first man that says I love you. You need to make mistakes before you fall truly and madly in love.

3. Girls can be cruel in middle school and high school. It's okay if you only have one or two true friends because having a few super close friends is better than having lots of distant ones.

4. Don't depend on any man for anything. Before moving in with your boyfriend and/or getting married, make sure you are financially stable all by yourself. That way, you will be able to leave him if things go south.

5. When you do get married, always keep money hidden away or have a secret bank account that your husband doesn't know about. That way, if things get really bad really fast, you can get out of there as fast as possible.

6. Finally, and I'm assuming Dad, Will, or Jay has already told you these things, but if they haven't, here they are. When drinking, watch the bartender make your drink. Don't take drinks from anyone. And don't leave your drink unattended.

I love you, sweetheart.

Love,

Mom (Amelia Halstead).

PS. Also in this envelope is a $20 gift card to Build-A-Bear. If you are too old to use it, save it for your kids. Or, if you have kids, give it to your kids. There is also $480. This can be used to pay for dresses for school dances, for college, and if you're reading this way in the future, to start a stash of money that your husband doesn't know about, or to help with bills and your own little family.

All three of you were in tears. But, you always knew that both of your parents would be with you and that they were so, so proud of each of you and that they loved each of you more than the world itself.

A/N: Thank you so much for reading! Leave a comment if I made you cry! I got a request of Kevin and Adam teaching Y/N how to punch, so I incorporated it into this imagine. To the anon who requested that, I hope you liked it! Anyway, please reblog/like and comment to tell me what you think! As always if you want to be added to my taglist, just tell me and I’ll add you! Finally, liked the imagine? Buy me a coffee here.

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