#king and queen of ust

[kitamars]

although it dooms me, consumes me

[lewisvinga]

need someone older | fernando alonso x fem! reader

summary; despite the age gap and the hundred of haters on social media, y/n and fernando still show off their relationship

warnings; age gap ( duh )

faveclaim; danna paola

notes; that song on tiktok has been stuck in my head and i’m so happy it’s finally released 😫

masterlist !

liked by yourusername, lance_stroll, and 1,029,245 others!

fernandoalo_official: is this what the young folks call a photo dump?

tagged; yourusername, lance_stroll

yourusername: LMFAO yes mi viejo [my old man]

fernandoalo_official: hey, watch it

yourusername: when bae buys u a bouquet ❤️‍🔥

fernandoalo_official: ❤️

username: this is so cute

username: lance and fernando😍😍

lance_stroll: i’m tired of being the third wheel😕

fernandoalo_official: i don’t hear you complaining when i take you and y/n to get ice cream

yourusername: you wouldn’t get it !!

username: y/n and fernando’s age gap is so weird

username: i get her tho

username: y/n is sooo prettyyyyy

username: ‘young folks’ he’s so😭����

liked by fernandoalo_official, bsfusername, and 1,004,927 others!

yourusername: date night con mi amor 🧡

tagged; fernandoalo_official

fernandoalo_official: siempre tan bella, mi reina [always so beautiful, my queen]

yourusername: y usted siempre tan guapo [and you’re always handsome]

username: thats motheerrr

username: the picture of fernando fixing her shoes omgggg

landonorris: orange is soooo your color 🤗🤗

fernandoalo_official: watch it, it’s green

username: she’s so young compared to fernando it’s weird

username: her bf is old enough to be her father???

liked by fernandoalo_official, lilymhe, and 1,034,928 others!

yourusername: hating on twitter meanwhile we’re in ibiza

tagged; fernandoalo_official

fernandoalo_official: que hermosura 😍😍 [what a beauty]

yourusername: for you💚

username: gotta admit, she got y’all

lilymhe: can fernando fight bc i want u🤤

alex_albon: i suggest u avoid him

fernandoalo_official: i suggest you listen to alex

yourusername: luv u😝💗💗

username: she dgaf and i respect her for it 😭

username: she’s a GROWN woman who is 100% aware of her actions, leave her and fernando alone😭😭😭

liked by yourusername and fernandoalo_official

username: 4+4=??

username: the last picture, me and who😫😫

username: still think this relationship is weird

username: we don’t care !!!

liked by yourusername, lance_stroll, and 1,203,927 others!

fernandoalo_official: mi reina. [my queen]

tagged; yourusername

yourusername: te quiero, mi rey [my king]

feenandoalo_official: te quiero siempre [i love you always]

yourusername: mi viejo😁 [my old man]

fernandoalo_official: hey!🤨

username: they’re actually goals

username: REINA?? HE CALLS HER REINA??

username: lmfao not them joking abt their age gap 😭😭

lance_stroll: where r my photo creds

fernandoalo_official: not here

lance_stroll: I HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOU TWO ALL THE TIME

yourusername: sorryyyyy😁

username: need a fernando in my life

username: they ate icl

liked by fernandoalo_official, lilymhe, and 1,094,739 others!

yourusername: think i need someone older.

tagged; fernandoalo_official

fernandoalo_official: te quiero hasta el final, mi reina [i love you until the end, my queen]

yourusername: hasta el final 🤍 te quiero para siempre 🤍 [i love you forever]

username: gagged her haters

username: isabel larosa referenceee

username: don’t think i can ever get over this relationship tbh

lilymhe: knew ur type since you showed me that becky g song

yourusername: exactly 😌

username: mamá y papá

username: i want them both tbh

[cecilysass]

Happy Heart (-Shaped Hail) Day! Fic Recs for Rain King for Valentine's Day (or Any Time)

It's funny how in the fandom circles I tend to spend time in now, Rain King seems to be a pretty beloved episode: super shippy, romantic comedy, multiple fanfic tropes made canon.

When it aired, the online fandom's opinion of this episode was pretty mixed. There was a large contingent of fans who really hated it. (I remember this because I am 4,000 years old.) Season 6 had already been perceived as being too light in tone, and we'd already come off of a run of Triangle, Dreamland I and II, and How the Ghosts Stole Christmas. There was a lot of anxiety about the move to LA killing the show's dark and angsty feel.

Me, I always liked Rain King (and Triangle, and Dreamland I and II, and How the Ghosts Stole Christmas). And while I can identify the tone change in season 6, I don't hate it, nor do I think that the show really loses its darkness and angstiness (a lot comes back in the second half of the season). I'm also not someone who believes comedy is a de facto more stupid or less substantial genre than drama or suspense, so I think that's part of it.

Rain King has generated so, so much fanfic, and most specifically fanfic that zeroes in on this little fun fact: THEY CANONICALLY SHARE A MOTEL ROOM BECAUSE THERE'S ONLY ONE ROOM. Obviously many of the fics I'm recommending below are based on that premise. So here are my Valentine's Day recs based on Rain King. (Even though I think it's not actually set at Valentine's? Because the cold open happens months earlier? There's some kind of timeline hijinks, idk.) But anyway, it's the clearest Valentine's episode we have, so happy Valentine's Day.

Free Merlot at the Cool View Motor Court by Sarie_Fairy @sarie-fairy Scully tries a little experiment with Mulder after the reunion that gets rapidly out of hand. This is smutty fun—the kind of high end sexy times this author is really known for. Dating Kings and Queens - Baroness_Blixen @baronessblixen A pure romantic comedy style plot variation on the ending of Rain King. The agents discuss the last time they've been on a date. Turns out it HASN’T been so long for Scully. This is just so charming. 

Kroner by DM When Mulder finds out about the “flicked switch speech,” he deals with it in a flirty, somewhat less sentimental way that feels very in character to me. I like a fic with dialogue that feels like it goes a little unexpected.

No Big Deal by dreamingofscully @dreamingofscully Scully offers to help Mulder sleep in the hotel. This is UST, but deliiiiiiightfully so, and heavy on the complex feelings.

Can’t Fight This Feeling by mldrgrl  @mldrgrl A sweet and more subtle little feelings reveal after Rain King by an author who does this exact thing well. Also there is slow dancing to 80s music.

Time Enough At Last - baylorrific Absolute textbook classic one room trope, but it stands out for me because I like how it focuses on their mutual discomfort. They’re both so awkward here, even though it’s Mulder POV. I also like how the classic Twilight Zone episode Time Enough At Last is in conversation with what’s happening with the MSR.

There’s No Place Like Kroner - MonikaFileFan @monikafilefan You know what would make a “there’s only one room” Rain King fic extra fun? DIANA. Okay, okay, I admit I wrote this prompt for the exchange, lol, so of course I think it sounds fun. But Monika wrote the actual fic, and you don’t want to miss it.

Pillow Talk - Alelou This is a short piece about a chatty Mulder very carefully putting out feelers in the motel room after the reunion. Sweet and in character.

Land That I Heard Of Once in A Lullabye - leiascully @leiascully In Kroner’s tiny airport, Scully takes stock of where they’ve come from and where they’re going. I love this. It feels especially spot on character-wise for season 6.

All that Lights Upon Us - wonderland @amplifyme This is a very different kind of Rain King fic, part of a series, although it can be read alone. During the events of Rain King they share a first kiss, but this fic is about their conversations afterwards (Mulder and Scully, as well as Mulder and Maggie). Gentle affection, and the process of taking little steps towards one another.

On the Flicking of Switches - SisterSpooky1013 @sisterspooky1013 Mulder initiates an awkward conversation in the motel room after the reunion. SisterSpooky1013 always has her characterization shit together, but I think this is an especially compelling character sketch of season 6 Scully.

Break in the Weather - ATTHS_TWICE @atths--twice Mulder and Scully can’t fly out another night in Kroner, so they kill time by going to a drive-in movie. Honestly, this is just adorable.

Still Raining - Donna When Sheila sends them both a letter a few months later, she alludes to what Scully told her in the bathroom. This raises questions for Mulder.

Stop Me - Gina Rain A little seduction by Mulder in the Kroner motel room. It starts with her feet, if that’s your thing. But it’s not exclusively about feet, if that isn’t lol.

They're SOOOOO MANY great Rain King fics, so drop any I missed in the comments! And if you want to read my Valentine's Day recs last year based on Milagro, they're here.

[fiddles-ifs]

🗡DEMO (COMING SOON!) 🗡CHARACTERS 🗡PLAYLIST

Rated 18+ for violence and sexual content. Trigger warnings will be provided at the beginning of each chapter.

The king is dead. Long live the king. Alandria is scarred from six long years of war. After a chance encounter in the field, heir-apparent Lisandro hires your mercenary band as security for his upcoming coronation. Now, you find yourself in the nebulous web of lies, schemes, and murder that make up Alandrian politics. When the future king falls deathly ill, it's your job, as the mercenary band's only healer, to figure out what's killing him. The king is dead. Love live the king.

🗡FEATURES

Customizable MC. Play as male, female, or non-binary; trans or cisgender; inter or endosex; customizable pronouns. Customize your appearance, and personality. Tailor your approach to patients -- do you rely on science and surgery, or magic and faith?

Four unique ethnic backgrounds. Alandrian -- the kingdom you find yourself in after ten years. Iskarian -- the expansive empire to the south, and the jewel of the world. Mani -- the nomadic people unwelcome in the north. Ruz -- hailing from the frigid, barren archipelago across the northern sea.

Who were you in your past? A peasant? A former noble? A monastic? Part of a cult? Each ethnicity has four unique origins to choose from -- each origin will impact the story in different ways.

Romance. Or not! Four romance options, two gender-selectable. Play as gay, straight, bisexual or asexual; allo or aromantic.

Solve a medical mystery. Save the king however you can.

Change the course of history. Your proximity to royalty puts you in a position to play the great game -- in fact, you have to, to stay alive.

POV Switches. See some parts of the story from the point of view of the ROs and other characters.

Keep your secrets hidden. They cannot find out.

🗡ROMANCE OPTIONS

Sibir Temyurinkai. [She/her, he/him, they/them] Your best friend for more than a decade. A mercenary warlord many people can't read. You have a lot of history. Maybe even too much. You make them vulnerable. Flavor of romance: friends-to-lovers, love epiphany, UST, shippers on deck.

Lisandro Abarcas. [He/him] The young king uncrowned of Alandria. He's hired Sibir (and therefore you) to be extra security for his upcoming baptism and coronation, but a mysterious illness forces you to play doctor. Flavor of romance: courtly love, Uptown Girl, savior complexes

Idali Abarcas. [She/her] Duchess of the northern province of Baqueria, second in line to the throne, Lisandro's older sister and vicious rival. A cunning, calculating opponent -- but she might be willing to work with you. Flavor of romance: Uptown Girl, Defrosing the Ice Queen, #girlbossmode, dancing with danger

Tesias. [She/her, he/him, they/them] A very mysterious masked traveler. They offer advice and information -- for a price. As a spy, you can't trust anything they say -- but you know they want revenge. And they want it now. Flavor of romance: [INFORMATION CORRUPTED]

🗡TAGS + LINKS

[TKP ASKS] [SIBIR] | [LISANDRO] | [IDALI] | [TESIAS] [DISCORD]

[perverse-idyll]

@hprecfest 24 - Day 4: a comfort fic

This year, all Snarry:

A Choriambic Progression, which is no longer available online. It's one of the earliest Snape/Harry fics, a forerunner in terms of beloved tropes that would crop up in ship fics for years to come. It's so well-written, and Snape is so Snape, and there's humor and feverish, hormonal sex and instances of disturbing violence. In one marvelous scene after another, Harry matures from his first true glimpse of Snape's humanity to a sexually befuddled teenage with a crush to heartfelt devotion. It's a beautifully written portrait of first love, and of the risks and tradeoffs of legendary power. For me, the plot is weakened at the end by a magical deus ex machina, but even so it makes possible a wonderful and terrible moment of loss that redeems the weakness. What is power without love? But this is Harry, so we know what he'll choose.

The Fourth Year by Calligraphy/Caligryphy. I'm just going to assume we all have fics we love so much we overlook the flaws, in this case the fact that Snape and Harry are OOC and there's both Weasley bashing and slut shaming. Sounds awful, right? Well, I adore this fic. It's got very tall, very gay, drama queen Snape confined by law to live under the custody of touch-averse, do-gooder, short king Harry. Snape's POV is hilarious, self-loathing, and a little bit heartbreaking. He's a soap opera addict, and there's a bit of screwball comedy and slapstick interspersed with genuinely poignant moments. (I don't know how Caligryphy does it, but she can shift registers in a few lines from snappy banter to devastation as smoothly as a sharpshooter blowing imaginary smoke off their pistol after hitting three bullseyes in a row.) The dialogue is to die for, and virgin!Harry's sexual initiation has earned a place in my top ten How to Write Sex scenes. There's a satisfying sense that two misfits have found a home in each other. And did I mention that, no matter how many times I've read it, I have to smother shrieks of laughter so as not to alarm the neighbors?

No Place Like by OldDVS (Tara Tory). All right, this fic is old enough to enroll in university, so it's not a paragon of canonicity. Snape is a pureblood here, also far too tolerant and too obviously hot, and Harry straight up campaigns to get in his pants. The plot is a contrivance: the Golden Trio plus Snape are left stranded in non-magical Kansas by a magical tornado and end up attending a county fair while trying to pass as Muggles. It's charming and self-indulgent in the best way, steamy with UST but also teasing in its use of tropes. It never takes itself seriously, just pokes gentle fun and does its best to entertain. The scene with Snape participating in a fairground tug-of-war is worth the price of admission alone, but the whole thing is pure escapism.

[riacte]

Space Opera AU dashboard simulator 2 (but there's plot if you squint) (probably worse than its predecessor)

🚀 renthepilot

HAPPY BITRHDAY TO ME!! I TURN 7!!! :D :D :D <3 <3 <3 RD

❤️ falsewell

Happy 7th birthday Ren! :)

🚀 renthepilot

Thank u FalsE!!!!!! :DDDDDD >.< RD

🍵 cinnamontea Follow

... Why is my 17yo ET1blr mutual talking to a 7yo on Sunblr. I came here for analysis posts but apparently she's babysitting her cousin or perhaps a strangely intelligent dog??

❤️ falsewell

I mean, I would be worried if a 7yo was piloting the glider I race in 🤨

🍵 cinnamontea Follow

WDYM THAT GUY IS YOUR RACE PARTNER? OMFG I AM SO SORRY

🍀 et1vision Follow

Chat do you remember when we found RK and QoH's Sunblr accounts from when they weren't famous and were just two kids in illegal races. Because it was hysterical. Hands up if you thought falsewell was someone's canon url and not QoH herself.

🪓 handoftheking

That interaction was pretty cute to be honest. Ren's still 7 the last I checked.

🪸 hoes4redking Follow

[deep sigh] littlewood at the scene of the crime as always

#WHYYYYYYY is he chronically online #he needs to be stopped and locked up #i bet he scrolls through the treebark tag every day #he knows Too Much #do you think he brings up sunblr during dinner #and etho and bigb look at him like hes insane

7,207 notes

🔥 yaoihell Follow

save me queen of hearts

🔥 yaoihell Follow

queen of hearts

🔥 yaoihell Follow

queen of hearts save me

🏐 apollos-dodgeball 🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀 Follow

Congratulations on the prophecy!

[Beep boop, this is a gimmick blog!]

🔥 yaoihell Follow

what the actual fuck.

🌼 fast-and-bifurious Follow

i think i hauve the plague

47,981 notes

🫐 toxicblueberry Follow

hi babes the demons in my head won so new fic!!

i'm your biggest fan, i'll follow you until you love me, pa-pa paparazzi

pairing: the red king x blue stalker (they/them) (exterra 1 rpf)

summary: why are you as a bounty hunter so intent on hunting ren down? what do you want to do with him? pin him against a wall and kiss him until he's breathless and melting like putty in your hands?

word count: 10.1k

tags: enemies to lovers, angst, hurt no comfort, whump, ust, no actual smut, making out, blood, slight knifeplay, submissive rk, open ending

Keep reading

🏹 queenofheartsfanclub Follow

Listen, I don't do RPF, I can handle Treebark (because I have eyes), but this is crossing a line. Especially after the accusations by RK. I think his evidence is pretty compelling.

🫐 toxicblueberry Follow

dead dove do not eat. i am aware this is a fucked up dynamic but it's fictional. it's not like the real blue stalker has a toxic codependent attraction to the guy they're assigned to kill (btw i mained qoh so i completely understand where you're coming from)

🫐 toxicblueberry Follow

oh.

🏹 queenofheartsfanclub Follow

hey

so do you wanna kiss before the haters get to you?

🫐 toxicblueberry Follow

of course. can we get married

#love can be found on the battlefield in more ways than one #fave post #annoying treebark fans fuck off!!!!!!

1109 notes

🌹 fyeahroseduo Follow

Coming out as a falsedog shipper is harder than coming out as gay

🦇 starshipspachelbel Follow

TEN YEARS????

Time is not real

🌃 nightpatrols Follow

I had vivid flashbacks. I feel faint. This post caused so much drama omfg. I need a treebark equivalent on my desk by 8am sharp next morning

🪓 handoftheking

Coming out as a Treebark shipper is harder than coming out as bi

🌃 nightpatrols Follow

WHAT THE FUFHUBFBFUOUOFFUCK

#HES IN OUR WALLS #HE STARTED THE SHIP #this is gonna sweep the next unhinged moment poll #??!?1!?!???!?!?! #HATE THIS LUMIAN GLOWY ASS #btw for non et1 mutuals: this man is literally bi #yeah hes really gay for his pilot. yeah we all know #theyre always holding hands and shit #edit: DID HE REBLOG THIS AT 7:30AM #IDK HOW PLANETZONES CONVERSATION WORKS #*conversion #listen i failed school 2 years in a row ok 😭

19,626 notes

🎵 daily-music Follow

Music video of the day is: R8cer Boi by Avril Lavigne!

🎵 daily-music Follow

who the fuck is renn dog

🎵 daily-music Follow

who has little wood

🎵 daily-music Follow

why are y'alls twink racers larping as royals from medieval era planet earth

🎵 daily-music Follow

sorry for calling the queen of hearts a twink. im sorry women

#im so done with yalls bullshit #who are these people #why do they show up in my tags

898 notes

[scotianostra]

July 13th 1900 saw the birth of Elizabeth “Bessie” Watson in Edinburgh.

Born just off the Grassmarket, at 11 The Vennel to Agnes Newton and Horatio Watson, Bessie did not take long to make her mark in the world, at the tender age of 9 she combined her two greatest loves: bagpiping and woman’s suffrage, the latter makes her arguably the youngest in Scotland, if not the world.

When she turned seven, Bessie’s aunt Margaret contracted tuberculosis – an incident which would change the youngster’s life forever. Margaret lived with the family, and Bessie’s parents, worried that she might fall ill to the contagious disease, encouraged her to take up the bagpipes in a bid to strengthen her weak lungs. Her first set of pipes was specially-produced according to her diminutive stature as she was too small to properly inflate an adult-sized bag. The half-sized set of pipes was purchased from Robertson’s pipe makers at 58 Grove Street. “I hurried home from school and carried it, in a brown paper parcel down to my (music) teacher”, Bessie recalled. As one of the very few female bagpipe players in the world at that time – not to mention one of the youngest – Bessie took to her new instrument with great enthusiasm.

Bessie had more than her bag pipe playing to make her worthy of a post here, while walking with her mother through the streets of Edinburgh, Scotland, Bessie stopped to look at the window of the Women’s Social and Political Union office. Bessie became excited about the idea of women receiving the right to vote, even though she wouldn’t be able to vote for many years.

Bessie realized that her talents could help promote votes for women. She would run from school each day to play her bagpipes outside of the Calton Jail in Edinburgh for fellow suffragettes in prison.

At the first suffrage pageant she performed at, she wore a sash with the words “Votes for Women” as she performed with her bagpipes. At the height of the suffragette movement, Bessie was playing at major demonstrations and parades for the Women’s Social and Political Union, including the famous procession through Edinburgh on 9th October 1909. On that day a large crowd watched as hundreds of banner-laden ladies, wearing the suffragist colours of purple, white and green, marched down Princes Street before congregating at Waverley Market for a rally led by Emmeline Pankhurst. Watson rode on a float beside a woman dressed as Isabella Duff, Countess of Buchan in her cage! Isabella is famed for crowning Robert the Bruce at Scone when he seized the Scottish crown, she was later captured with the Bruce family and held prisoner in a cage in the open air at Berwick for four years.

Back to oor Bessie, who just a ten year-old she travelled to London to play her bagpipes in a women’s march on June 17th, 1911. J ust a few weeks later, for George’s state visit to Edinburgh, Bessie, leading the 2nd Edinburgh Company of the Girl Guides, received recognition from the king himself as she raised her salute. Having secured regal acknowledgement in time for her 11th birthday, Scotland’s youngest female piper continued in her quest to support women’s rights, accompanying inmates bound for Holloway Prison to Waverley Station and playing the pipes as their trains departed.

For the part she played in Edinburgh’s historic women’s rights pageant of 1909, young Bessie received a special gift from one very prominent individual. Christabel Pankhurst (daughter of Emmeline) came to Edinburgh to address a meeting at the King’s Theatre and Bessie was invited to attend. During the evening she was presented with a brooch representing Queen Boadicea (Boudica) in her chariot, as a token of gratitude for her help in the pageant.

During WWI, Bessie was just a teenager and used her talents to make a difference in other ways. She began helping the Scots Guard to recruit army volunteers by playing her bagpipes

In 1926 Bessie moved with her parents to a new house on Clark Road, Trinity where she would remain for the rest of her days. Following her marriage to electrical contractor John Somerville at the end of the Second World War, Bessie devoted her life to teaching music and foreign languages. Former neighbours recall that, even into her late eighties, Bessie continued to play her bagpipes at 11am every morning. It was something she had always done.

Bessie died in 1992, two and a half weeks short of her 92nd birthday. Over the course of her long life she had experienced almost a century of social progression and upheaval, and had played her part in changing the world for the better.

A pictorial tribute was unveiled at The Vennel in Edinburgh on August 1st 2019 in memory of Bessie, the University of Edinburgh also have a lecture room named in her honour.

[omartinyosef]

OKay guys, can we talk about this?

SEASON 3 POTENTIAL SPOILERS!!

I think we all (me included) are antagonizing everything about Kristina's role a lot.

I think she's really torn between her role as a Queen and Wilhelms mother. Some friends and I personally believe that she was like Wilhelm, she didn't really want to become Queen, but she had to. That's why she's trying to force Wilhelm to keep his role as Crown Prince.

And I understand that she wants Wilhelm to be king, because if I was her, I WOULD ABSOLUTELY HATE AUGUST BEING KING. And since there's no options left since Erik's death, she has to pressure Wilhelm, something that, as a mother, we believe she hates.

Because at the end, she's Wilhelms mother. But at the same time she's a REALLY complicated character, bacause it's so hard to understand her sometimes.

I have to say that I felt so bad for her on season 3 because of her health. But, I felt worse for Simon.

I think that Simon thinks that he's causing so much trouble. He wants to be with Wile, but since he saw what happened on Wile's bday party, he felt like it was his fault in some part of it. Because he thinks that the Queen dislikes him or something, and that that's something that is creating problems between Wile and his parents.

Have to say that I really liked Ludvig to try to talk to simon.

AND have to say that I personally believe that if we locked in a room Simon and Kristina together, two things could happen:

Third world war

Kristina LOVES simon

Because I think that she doesnt dislikes him. She's neutral about him. It's just that she doesnt knows how to deal with this.

Understand that she's a queen. She has everything controlled most of the time. And when Wilmon got together, it was something new to her and she didn't know what to do, or how to manage it, even tough she didnt have any fucking reason because everything was fine until our favourite motherfucker Aug-son of a bitch-ust posted the sextape.

This was new to her and she didnt know how to take care of it, so she took the easy option and made wilhelm say it was not him.

Since Erik Wilhelm was really bad. But Kristina too. She's just really used to pretend, that she's is not capable of separate her role as a queen and her role as a mother anymore.

I think she's a really good character. I ''love'' her? Maybe. Please dont throw me hate about this.

It's just i kinda understand her position here. AND, I also want her to become better. I still have hopes in the last chapter to

Wilmon endgame

Kristina being better mother

AND THE MOST IMPORTANT THING HERE:

I REALLY FUCKING WANT A GOOD AND DEEP INTERACTION BETWEEN KRISTINA AND SIMON, BUT NOT HER AS A QUEEN, AS WILHELM'S MOTHER.

Because I think that if this all ends well (I FUCKING HOPE SO), they would get along well, besides of their differences. Because i need wilhelms mother, not sverige's queen.

LIKE GOD JUST IMAGINE A FAMILIAR DINNER ON SIMON'S HOUSE BEING OKAY AND NOT AWKARD AND KRISTINA BEING THE MOTHER WILHELM DESERVES AND THE MOTHER-IN-LAW SIMON DESERVES.

FUCK.

[legofanguy1999]

Dragon Ball: How Cold and his queen got together

A Dragon Ball fanfiction for @thepromptfoundry event aug-UST day 10 enemies to lovers featuring my Dragon Ball Xenoverse character Chill and King Cold.

Thousand of years before the birth of Goku, two mutant members of a alien race are about to fight each other for title of ruler of their planet. On one side is Cold, descendant of the pirate Chilled, and the other fighter is Chill, the most powerful woman of the planet. These two mutants stand off in their true form. Soon, the two clash each other.

As Cold and Chill take a rest from their pointless fighting, Chill said to her new lover, "Why don't we combine our forces and have a heir? We can rule the universe as its empress and emperor." and Cold smile at the idea. This marks the beginning of the Cold Empire and its military the Cold Force.

[eiirisworkshop]

Aug-UST, day 1: Only One Bed

Have like 650 words of Sailor Moon pre-femslash lol Prompt from @thepromptfoundry

***

“Alright ladies!” Haruka called over the chatter of her fellow senshi, the general noise of the lobby, and the rumbling and roar of the storm outside.  “They didn’t have a lot of rooms left, so. Michiru and I will take one of the king bed rooms.”  She rather pointedly tucked a keycard into the breast pocket of her denim vest and gave her girlfriend a wink, earning a demure giggle.   “That leaves two rooms with two queen beds each,” she held up two cards, “and another king room,” she added a third card, “for the seven of you.”  She held out the fan of three cards.  “Feel free to fight amongst yourselves.”

Michiru lightly smacked her shoulder as the inevitable squabbling began.

It was eventually contentiously agreed that Rei and Minako would take one of the queen rooms while Usagi, Chibiusa, and Hotaru took the other.

“Why should we have to share?!” Chibiusa whined.

“Because you’re small, squirt,” Usagi huffed.

Hotaru giggled softly behind one hand.  “I don’t mind.  It could be fun, like a sleepover.”

“Exactly!” Makoto agreed, slinging an arm around Ami’s shoulders.  “C’mon, you don’t see me and Ami complaining about having to share, do ya?  It’ll totally be fun.”

Smiling, Ami nodded.  “Mhm!��

Upstairs, Makoto and Ami found their room, Ami wielding their keycard to let them in.

“Hey, this place is nice,” Makoto said impressedly, looking around as she set down her bag.

“Very classy,” Ami agreed softly.  Makoto jumped onto the bed with a little “Hup!” and bounced slightly.  Ami Laughed at her antics.  “Is the mattress nice?”

“Oh, very nice,” Makoto confirmed, stretching luxuriously, long legs sprawled most of the way across the bed, her ponytail fanned out under her head.

Ami smiled fondly at Makoto, then pulled her attention away to riffle neatly through her own suitcase, tucking her hair hair behind her hair as she did.  “I’m going to shower before bed.”

“Yeah, okay.”  Makoto rolled over onto her side, head propped up on one hand.  “I’ll shower in the morning—I don’t wanna sleep with wet hair.”

“You already got rained on,” Ami pointed out, turning with her toiletry bag held to her chest.  “Your hair is wet.”

“My hair is damp,” Makoto corrected, holding up one finger.

Ami shook her head with amusement.  “Okay.”  She went into the bathroom then stuck her head back out.  “They have a hair dryer.”

“...noted.”

Makoto showered after Ami did, then stood with her head hanging forward with her hair danging to blow dry it while Ami brushed her teeth, both of them in their pajamas, just sharing space in companionable non-conversation.

As they turned in for the night, getting under the covers, Ami set the alarm clock, Makoto turned out the lamp, and they both lay down.  

With a yawn, Makoto asked, “How—mm!—how d’you the others are doing?  Usagi and Chibiusa keeping poor Hotaru awake with their bickering?”

“Probably,” Ami sighed, but then chuckled.

Makoto laughed too.

“Rei and Minako are probably still brushing out their hair,” Ami said.

Makoto snorted.  “Jeez, you’re right.  I used to think my hair was long, but them and Usagi are on another level.”

Ami smiled in the dark.  “Your hair is very pretty.”

“Ah, well, thanks.”  If Makoto was blushing, it was too dim to tell.  For a minute they were both quiet, then Makoto cleared her throat.  “I’m sure Haruka and Michiru are fine.”

“Oh, well, yes,” Ami said a little stiltedly.  “They, uh, have sleepovers all the time.”

“Yeah.”  Makoto rolled over to face away from Ami.  “Well, goodnight.”

“Goodnight,” Ami echoed softly.

In the morning, Makoto half-woke from a blurry dream of her past life to find Ami curled up against her back.  She opened her eyes to blearily squint at the sliver of sunlight coming in through the curtains, then closed them again until their alarm went off.

[useless-catalanfacts]

Hello! I am writing a character, and while she is from a fabtasy setting, I wanted to give her actions a base in Catalan culture. Following this blog has made me appreciate the wonderful uniqueness of it, and I want to be able to do it justice. I was wondering if you could share the customs for greeting people, especially in formal settings, and how to refer to people in the same? It's easy enough to find spanish mannerisms on the topic but I was wondering if Catalan people had their own. I also really hope this doesn't come across as appropriative or otherwise inappropriate.

Hi! Thank you for your kind words.

I think we mostly do it the same as other Latin people/Romance languages. There's some differences with Spanish, for example we don't use Don/Doña+name (the equivalent would be En/Na+name but that was only used for kings and queens basically and nowadays it's sometimes in official school forms but it's just a formality, nobody would say it out loud).

Generally, we're not very strict with formality, especially generations under 50 years old. For example, in English they call their school teachers "Mr./Mrs. + Surname", we would never do that; we always just call our school teachers and university professors by their first name and use the informal "you". We also don't use words like "sir" and "ma'am" to talk to them or other adults. It would be considered a joke probably, otherwise extremely weird and old-fashioned.

Unlike Latin American Spanish and Italian, we never call someone by their title ("graduate X", "engineer X"... even "doctor X" unless it's relevant at the moment).

For greetings, this is how we do it: always when being introduced to a new person and most people always do this when meeting up with a person/people they know (for example, when walking into the room in a family meeting or when you see your friend you had agreed to meet up with), regardless of formality. People do this to say hello and to say goodbye. Would not apply in classrooms and jobs.

Woman with woman: a kiss on each cheek

Woman with man: a kiss on each cheek

Man with man (family): a kiss on each cheek

Man with man (friends or workmates): usually handshake or clap on the back

Child with adult of any gender: a kiss on each cheek

I don't know how much of this can be helpful to your novel if you're writing it in English or another language that doesn't have their equivalents, but we have different degrees of formality.

"Tu" (informal "you") and the verb conjugation of second person singular. For friends, family, peers, people you're equal to and already familiar with, people younger than you or the same age. Nowadays it's the most widespread, we use it also for our parents and teachers and young people also use it for our parents-in-law.

Vostè (formal "you") and the verb conjugation of the third person singular. This is used for people who are older than you (people older than ~40 usually use it with their parents-in-law, some people above that age also use it with their parents), people older than you who you don't know (for example, if you stop a random person on the street to ask for directions), anyone in a formal situation (f.e. if you're giving an award or interviewing someone), a person you want to give the formal respect (a president, a scientist you admire), in formal jobs also your boss or your superiors. In cities, because of influence from Spanish (usted), the vostè has eaten the vós and become the only formal you.

"Vós" (most formal "you") and the verb conjugation of the second person plural. This was the traditional version of the formal you, in rural places and Northern Catalonia it's often still the only formal you (in that case, used in the same examples as I've listed in "vostè"). In the cities where vostè already does that, vós is reserved for the highest formality, used in little more than when talking to a king/queen/noble and in literary/historical use (for example, you'll see old-timey poets use the vós to talk to their beloved). Besides this, vós is also used as the general "you" when talking to a broad public, like when the administration sends a letter to everyone, when you write a website, etc.

I hope this answers your question! If I forgot something important, maybe my followers will add it in the comments.

[highermagic]

Hey, you! Yes, you!! Do you like omegaverse? Do you like stories where a beta main character gets so stressed out because he's suddenly King and has to make babies pronto, that he starts presenting Alpha?

Do you like the idea of an Omega servant who is honestly trying his best to help but is also actively making it worse? Do you like stories where the best friend characters call the mains out on their bullshit and also potentially have some bullshit of their own to deal with??

Do you like an indulgent, gratuitous amount of sex with angst and sneaking and mystery and feelings and a lot hanging on the outcome? Do you want stolen glances and lingering touches and enough UST to leave you breathless?

Do you want cock cages? Crossdressing? Rough, bruising sex scenes? Size kink? Butt babies?!

Then do I have a story for you!

The first installment of a series about a King and the Queen's servant is out! Available to order on paperback, or you can order it for Kindle and have it on Friday, May 26th!

[mal-abi-rp]

👑„Kings & Queens”👑 (Odc. 3️⃣)

Miriam Olsson (POV.) 🇸🇪

Bizneswoman, właścicielka spółki wynajmującej mieszkania na całym terytorium szwedzkiego Goeteborga. Choć to jedynie przykrywka dla pralni brudnych pieniędzy, która sukcesywnie się w tym miejscu rozwija. Dobre stosunki z służbami mundurowymi i lokalnymi politykami sprawiają, że nikt niczego nie jest w stanie jej udowodnić. Swoje nieprzeciętne znajomości wykorzystuje do prowadzenia działalności o gangsterskim charakterze. Zatrudnia kryminalistów, którzy przy użyciu siły ściągają należności od najemców, choć sytuacja zmusza ją, aby z jednym z nich zmierzyć się osobiście.

~ Jak już wcześniej powiedziałam, nie wiem co z tym zrobisz, ale mnie w to nie mieszaj. Nie pierdol się z nim, w ciągu czterdziestu ośmiu godzin chcę widzieć, jak w zębach przynosisz mi sto patyków od tego frajera.

Nie czekając, aż mój tak zwany „pionek” udzieli mi jakiejkolwiek odpowiedzi, natychmiast się rozłączyłam. Zgasiłam papierosa i wrzuciłam niedopałek do śmietnika, po czym bez wahania wróciłam do willi. Usiadłam przy komputerze. Ktoś tego dnia mocno nalegał na spotkanie. W skrzynce odbiorczej głównego konta znalazłam kilkanaście maili od jednego adresu.

„Czego może chcieć i na cholerę wysyła tyle wiadomości. Liczy na odpowiedź, czy co do kurwy?” - pomyślałam w duchu, bo nie dawało mi to spokoju.

W oczekiwaniu na tajemniczego nieznajomego zalogowałam się do poczty elektronicznej, należącej do mojego partnera. Znalazłam tam wiadomość o treści, której nie mogłam zbagatelizować;

~ Wiem, kto za tym stoi i zrobię wszystko, żebyście trafili na dno piekieł, tam gdzie wasze miejsce.

Mój niepokój wzbudził już fakt, że mail pochodził z tego samego adresu, który zaspamował moje konto prośbami o spotkanie.

„Do kurwy nędzy, za kogo on mnie uważa!? Czy naprawdę nie zdaje sobie sprawy z tego, w jakie gówno się pakuje? Muszę mu coś dać do zrozumienia…”

Wyjęłam pistolet. I byłam zdana sama na siebie. Olafa, mojego partnera, nigdy nie ma, gdy jest potrzebny. Był po raz enty w pierdolonej delegacji, tym razem wywiało go do Sztokholmu, Choć coraz częściej miałam wrażenie, że robi ze mnie idiotkę i tak naprawdę pieprzy się z inną na boku. Gdy te wyjazdy, zwłaszcza w okolice stolicy, stały się normą, jestem niemal pewna, że ma kochankę.

W ostateczności zawsze można było polegać na swoich ludziach. Poprosiłam trójkę z nich, by przez najbliższe godziny dyskretnie pilnowali bramy i informowali o zamiarach intruza. Przez kolejne dwie godziny niczego nie udało im się wytropić. Siedziałam bardzo niespokojnie, zachowywałam się nie jak bizneswoman, lecz jak pizda. Teoretycznie mogłam opuścić mieszkanie, ale wiedziałam, że lepiej tego nie robić. Z lekka przerażona, ale i ciekawa rozwoju wydarzeń, tak można określić, jak się w tym momencie czułam…

Wzięłam głęboki wdech i wydech. W międzyczasie zjadłam kawałek chleba posmarowany masłem i popiłam gorzką zieloną herbatą. Wróciłam do komputera. To nie był koniec brudnych gierek w wirtualnym świecie. Dostałam kolejną wiadomość od tego, który miał tu przyjechać. Po jej przeczytaniu odniosłam nieodparte wrażenie, że musi być bliżej niż nam się z początku mogło wydawać.

Zadzwoniłam do jednego ze swoich ludzi. Nie odebrał. Żarty się skończyły. Byłam pewna, że gość nie był tutaj sam. W zasadzie to intruz…

Miałam przeczucie, że jest w chuj blisko. Nie miałam pewności, lecz po raz kolejny intuicja mnie nie zawiodła. Dotarło do mnie, że moi ludzie nie żyją. Teraz naprawdę byłam zdana na siebie.

Widząc, w co się wpakowałam, musiałam odłożyć w czasie plan, który wcześniej zakładałam. Schowałam pistolet i wypiłam pięćdziesiątkę czystej wódki. Paliłam jak smok; przez ostatni kwadrans wypaliłam trzy papierosy. Usłyszałam pukanie, wyjęłam z ust peta i trzymając go w prawej dłoni, otworzyłam drzwi. Stanął w nich szczupły, na oko czterdziestoletni, facet w czapce i mierzył do mnie z pistoletu z założonym na lufę tłumikiem.

- Kim kurwa jesteś? I co, do jasnej cholery, tu robisz? - wycedziłam przez zaciśnięte zęby.

- Wiesz kim jestem… Koszmarem Twoim i Twojego fagasa.

Oznajmił to z takim wyrzutem, jakbym to ja go naszła w jego mieszkaniu i próbowała go zabić. Byłam przygotowana na dialog, zdobycie kilku istotnych informacji, lecz on nie był tym zainteresowany.

Głupio dopytywałam, choć wiedziałam, kim był ten mężczyzna. To jeden z tych „trudniejszych” najemców, którzy nie płacą w terminie. O nim właśnie dziś wcześniej rozmawiałam ze swoim wspólnikiem. W zasadzie o tym biznesie nie ma żadnego pojęcia, jest bardziej posłusznym wykonawcą moich poleceń niż jakkolwiek inaczej może mnie wesprzeć. Już samo to, że był mało dyskretny i pozwolił namierzyć stojącemu w drzwiach mężczyźnie mój adres było wystarczającym powodem, by sprzedać temu zdrajcy kulkę w łeb, albo wbić mu nóż w plecy. Wyrażałam chęć pokazania niewypłacalnemu lokatorowi jego miejsca w szeregu, lecz nie dziś, a najwcześniej za dwa dni. Ale skoro już się pofatygował i napatoczył.

- Nie pieprz bzdur. Porozmawiajmy jak ludzie, możesz wejść, co będziesz w progu stać… - wypaliłam nagle.

Mężczyzna bez słowa wszedł dalej niż za próg, cały czas trzymając mnie na muszce. Czułam się mocno niekomfortowo, ale w pewnym momencie podjęłam jedyną w tym momencie słuszną decyzję.

- Rzuć kurwa broń, złamasie! Nie chcesz chyba wiedzieć, co robimy z takimi, którzy do nas skaczą.

Niestety, pozostawał nieugięty. Jak ja nienawidziłam takiego pustego uporu. Nie pozostawił mi wyboru.

- Dobra, nie strasz, bo… - nie dokończył, ponieważ oddałam strzał.

Mężczyzna padł na podłogę i upadł niefortunnie. Nie tylko z rany postrzałowej na klatće piersiowej, ale i z bocznej części głowy strumieniami polała się krew.

- Ty mówisz, ja robię… Taka jest między nami zasadnicza różnica. Zabiję też z zimną krwią twoich bliskich, jeśli będą stawiać opór i nie otrzymam tego, co mi się należy…

Intruz leżał nieprzytomny. Dobiłam go kolejnymi strzałami w brzuch i bez mrugnięcia okiem strzeliłam „na odchodne” po raz ostatni między oczami ofiary. Zabrałam z kieszeni nieboszczyka portfel i klucze, by odzyskać dług, który u mńie zaciągnął.

Wracam do wynajmowanego lokum. Mogę eksmitować mieszkańców, mogę się dogadać. A jeśli nie da rady po dobroci, wiadomo co trzeba będzie zrobić również z nimi…

Gra dopiero się zaczyna… Jestem zimną suką i niczego nie jesteście w stanie mi udowodnić.

[tiodolma]

And so as they rode it happed the king and Lancelot stood in a window, and saw Sir Tristam ride and Isoud. Sir, said Launcelot, yonder rideth the fairest lady of the world, except your Queen, Dame Guinevere.

this subtle UST between King Arthur and Lancelot is hot.

shut up i have shipping goggles

[sterek-ao3feed]

Can't Escape This Feeling (Even in Detention)

Read it on AO3 at https://archiveofourown.org/works/57515611

by notyourtipicalauthor

Detention loomed like a storm cloud over Derek's head. He'd managed to (unintentionally, of course) set off a stink bomb in the chemistry lab, resulting in a mandatory after-school stay. But there was a bigger problem – Mr. Harris, the tyrannical detention king, was out sick. This wouldn't be so bad, except for the substitute: Stiles Stilinski.

Stiles, the bane of Derek's existence. The hyperactive, wisecracking, and undeniably annoying class president who seemed to take a perverse pleasure in tormenting Derek at every turn. Now, the thought of enduring detention under Stiles's watchful (and possibly gloating) eye was almost as bad as the smell of burnt chemicals clinging to his clothes.

Words: 2076, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Teen Wolf (TV)

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: M/M

Characters: Stiles Stilinski, Derek Hale, Adrian Harris

Relationships: Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski

Additional Tags: Jock Derek Hale, Nerd Stiles Stilinski, Top Stiles Stilinski, Bottom Derek Hale, Stiles Stilinski Has a Big Dick, Power Bottom Derek Hale, Rough Sex, Dildos, Size Queen Derek Hale, Public Sex, Hate Sex, Cock Slut Derek Hale, Rough Kissing, Stiles Stilinski is a Tease, Derek Hale is a Tease, Horny Derek Hale, Horny Stiles Stilinski, Anal Sex, Barebacking, Alternate Universe - High School, Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski UST, Resolved Sexual Tension

https://archiveofourown.org/works/57515611

[felipebosch]

Charly.

Charly descansaba su espalda en un antiguo respaldar de roble laqueado ya gastado por sus anteriores invitados, pero aún muy elegante. Se sentía en un confesionario, era como estar en Gran Hermano. Miraba a cámara, como si hubiese alguna frente a él.

- No se por qué siempre me pido gin tonic. No me gusta el gin, no me gusta la tónica. Pero sin embargo cada vez que se acerca el mozo…- Miró hacía el costado para que lo tome la cámara 3 en un plano más corto - Un gin tonic de pepino, por favor.

Volvió a la cámara 1 enderezando su espalda, estirando cada hueso que pueda llegar a conocer, cada vertebra que este pisoteada por una noche en vela alejado de su sommier queen size, así es, Charly cree que king size es un lujo innecesario, por esa plata se compraba el queen y le alcanzaba para la mesita de luz.

- No importa que tan extrema sea la situación en la que uno se encuentre, siempre hay una preocupación por estar derecho. Te pueden haber despedido, podes haber engañado a tu pareja de 6 años y 11 meses, podes haberte olvidado de llenarle la vieja ollita que alguna vez fue floreada con agua al Batuque en pleno diciembre, pero estar encorvado; eso si es un problema. Encima cuando uno está encorvado se siente culpable. ¿Culpable de qué?.

-¡Homicidio Culposo!- exclamó el juez que se encontraba en lo más alto de la sala. - 0,8 gramos de alcohol en sangre. Portación de marihuana. 85 km/h en Avenida Libertador.

En una larga butaca de pino esmaltada, un poco más barata que la del acusado, lloraba la familia del fallecido en el siniestro. Que no es lo mismo que un accidente. Esto Charly lo sabía muy bien. Un domingo de resaca viendo History a la siesta aprendió la diferencia. Pues un accidente es algo inevitable, y un siniestro sucede por culpa de alguna de las partes involucradas, que si hubiera sido más precavida y/o actuado dentro del marco de las leyes viales el suceso nunca hubiese ocurrido.

-Yo entiendo que toda esta parafernalia del juicio es porque vemos muchas películas norteamericanas y para que el público cace rápido como es la onda cuando lo vea. ¿Pero no es mucho ellos llorando? Digo yo, no se…-. Dijo Charly al seguridad que lo escoltaba a su derecha, con el de su izquierda no había pegado mucha buena onda.

Corriendo una respetable silla de álamo barnizado, se puso de pie el abogado del acusado. Parecía salido de un buffet de ejecutores de la ley de Los Simpsons mezclado con los peces que usan maletín en Bob Esponja. Así y todo, era un tipo muy seguro de si mismo, si no, no hubiese llegado hasta donde llego, ¿no?. Comenzó a interrogar con una ferocidad piadosa a la madre del recientemente fallecido. - Señora, ¿Suele usted comer con vino?.

- A veces…- Contestó la mujer mientras se arreglaba el flequillo beboteando disimuladamente.

- ¿No se toma una copa de vino a la hora de la cena?- continuó el pequeño gran abogado; sentado parecía más alto, debe ser porque usa lentes y el traje azul olvido le marca los no bíceps que porta.

- Depende…

- ¿De qué?.

- De que sea la cena.- Insinuó la mujer mirando de reojo al abogado.

Instintivamente este dominó el juego, no por nada viste un saco color piel de tiburón. - Anoche, ¿qué cenó?.

- Carne al horno…- y con un filo de aire que quedaba en su pecho concluyó - Con papines, y también algunas papas noisset que quedaban en el freezer.

El depredador olfateaba sangre, su radar detectaba presas cerca. - Y… ¿La acompaño con una copa de vino?.

- Una, o dos…

- Cocino usted.- Afirmó él. Y claramente, ella contesto con un - Obvio, cociné yo.

- Y yo ayudé.- Interrumpió el padre del fallecido.

El abogado se extrañó ante la confesión del marido. Analizando rápidamente al tipo para ver cómo continuar su plan de juego. El esposo de la mujer no parecía intimidarlo, más bien parecía ser un Golden Retriever cruza con callejero. Amigable y confiable, pero no esperes que haga mucho más. - ¿Ah sí?- Indagó el defensor.

- Sí, sí… Prendí el horno, lavé y corté las papas. Pero con cáscara, a mi me gustan las papas con cáscara.- Parecía muy orgulloso, bueno, típico de los Golden Retriever cruza con callejero. -  En casa tenemos una esponja que es mezcla tipo virulana y plástico para lavarlas y que queden impecables para meterlas horno, sin tierra pero con cáscara.- Agregó.

- Si mal no tengo entendido, las verduras tienen todas las vitaminas en la cáscara.- Afirmó el 10 del juzgado.

- En realidad, la papa no es una verdura. Es de origen vegetal, sí. Pero técnicamente es un tubérculo.- Aparentemente el hombre sabía mucho de papas.

- Claro, pero tienen todas las vitaminas en la cáscara.- El abogado no podía permitir quedar fuera de juego en esta pequeña competencia de conocimientos.

- Ah sí, sí. Las verduras tienen la mayor cantidad de propiedades en la cáscara.

- Tubérculos.- Corrigió el abogado, adornando con un pequeño moño rosado. A lo que el Golden Retriever cruza con callejero, rió. - ¡Ja! Sos rápido, eh.

El defensor del acusado, aprovechando el momentum, desenvainó sus revólveres y lustró los gatillos de los mismos con un filo hilo de saliva que colgaba de ese tan ingenuo perro, luego desfiló por la sala dirigiéndose a su escritorio. - Mi cliente al arrollar a su hijo con su Volkswagen Amarok 4x4 contaba con 0,8 gramos de alcohol en sangre, equivalente a 3 copas de vino tinto. Una más de la que bebió usted anoche, señorita.- El señorita fue por si después del juicio quedaba onda y pintaba ir a tomar algo. Continuó - ¿Qué tendrá que ver? Se preguntaran ustedes. Quiero que observen estas fotos de anoche.- El abogado sacó de su maletín unas fotografías recién impresas, no imprimidas, de la madre manejando un Fiat Mobi 2020 color aceituna (verde). - ¿Es esta usted?.- Interrogó a la mujer que luego quiere llevar a cenar a Kansas y decir que se olvido la billetera en tribunales para comer de arriba. - La que está manejando, ¿Es usted?.

La madre del fallecido miró la imagen con zozobra. - Recuerde que está bajo juramento.- Aclaró él.

- Sí, soy yo.

- Y está manejando.

- Sí, estoy manejando.

- Luego de haber tomado dos copas de vino.

Ella se tomó un momento, aunque deseaba poder tomarse una tercer copa de ese Cabernet Sauvignon del que quedaba un culito en la botella de anoche. - Sí.- Finalmente aceptó. Todos los presentes se sorprendieron sincronizadamente, como si estuviesen siendo dirigidos por un cartel de Talk Show yankee que se ilumina en momentos claves con palabras tales como “Laugh”, “Surprise”, “Clap” y un excéntrico “¡Make some noise!”  para momentos que lo requieran.

El abogado guardó las fotos luego de exhibirlas con el resto de los presentes y de su maletín sacó un cordón blanco de zapatilla Topper impresionando a la madre, nunca vamos a saber si fue por la marca del mismo o porque uno de los extremos estaba untado con sangre del ex dueño. - Este cordón llevaba puesto la víctima de mi defendido al momento del siniestro. Se puede observar una especie de musgo acá, como una planta seca.- Incitó mientras sostenía el elemento atador de calzado.

- Sí, sí, como un pastito.- Confirmó el Golden Retriever cruza con callejero.

El juez examinó la evidencia. - Su señoría, ¿Reconoce usted el aroma del cannabis?- Preguntó el abogado mientras frotaba la yema de sus dedos en el extremo del palito de la selva derretido.

- Nunca he experimentado pero sí, puedo reconocer el aroma. Aunque nunca he experimentado.- Contestó el juez todo poderoso.

- ¿Podría usted confirmar que esto es aroma cannábico?.- El astro de la defensa estaba muy confiado con su estrategia.

- Sí, percibo un perfume a cannabis… Igualmente nunca he consumido, en mi vida personal. - Aclaró la señoría. Para cerrar con el tema y terminar de confirmar, el abogado agradeció al hombre de bata negra que no es cura. Le entregó el cordón al padre del fallecido que no pudo evitar olfatear y posar sobre su lengua el extremo contaminado por ese pastito.

- Y bueno, los 85 km/h… ¿Quién no ha excedido un poquito el limite de velocidad en Libertador alguna madrugada queriendo llegar rápido a casa?.- El juez asentía con la cabeza las palabras del recibido en leyes. - Quien no lo haya hecho, que arroje la primer piedra.- Y una piedra voló en dirección a la cabeza de Charly que justo se había agachado para controlar que la punta de sus cordones estén limpias. - ¡HIJO DE PUTA! MATASTE A MI HIJO, ¡DROGADICTO!.- La ira se apoderó de la difunta madre como un rayo se apodera del único árbol en el desierto.

- Amor, que haya tenido restos cannabicos en el cordón no lo convierte en drogadicto.- Intentó calmar a su esposa el Golden Retriever cruza con callejero. El silencio inundó la sala. La mujer sacó una escopeta recortada de su cartera Louis Vuitton comprada ilegalmente a unas chinas en el Lower East Side el invierno pasado y la descargó en la frente de Charly decorando la pared del estrado y la elegante silla de roble barnizado ya un poco desgastada, con los sesos del joven.

Otra vez el silencio se apoderó del establecimiento. El abogado miró al juez, ambos sabían que estaba a punto de ganar el partido, iban 2 arriba en el minuto 90’+4’.

- Yo entiendo que estés enojada por haber perdido un hijo, pero ahora volarle la tapa del zapallo de un escopetazo al otro que nos quedaba. ¿Te parece? Yo ya no puedo tener más, estoy operado. Sabes que estoy operado, si fue tu idea… Y adoptar no quiero, no me gusta eso de que no sea mi sangre, me da desconfianza que una noche se levante y me clave un cuchillo en la espalda mientras duermo o me robe plata de la billetera, no… no.- El marido la miraba desdichado. - ¿Estás hormonal?.

La mujer recargó la escopeta.