#lady tortilla chip

[syn0vial]

me, incredibly apathetic towards jedi but always happy when clones get nice things, whenever codywan content crosses my dash:

[iturmom]

there is nothing like a homemade flour tortilla to cure what ails you 😭

[leathercollectionus]

Red Leather Pants

Red leather pants for Ladies are made of best quality leather. With features like soft leather, slim fit zipper with button closure jeans-style two front slide-in pockets and two back pockets, and also zippered legs.

Red Leather Pants

[thinkingisadangerouspastime]

6, 13, 14, 16 ! 👀

6. Favorite title you used

answered here! 💛

13. What’s your longest work of the year?

officially, The Wrong Note (my monk x medium crossover) clocks in as my longest with 37,630 words, while this thing of darkness (i acknowledge mine) (my mjflash + venom!flash fic) comes in at a very near second with 37,011 words. HOWEVER. the truth must come out. i actually wrote The Wrong Note in 2021, because i handwrote it at the end of the summer, but i didn't post it until 2022. this thing of darkness (i acknowledge mine) was both written and posted during summer 2022, so on a technical level, that would be my longest work of the year. but honestly, they're so close in length 💀 hardly makes a difference 😂

14. What’s your shortest work of the year?

my shortest fic is all i need is a taste, the first but hopefully not the last bellcaid fic on my figurative list! (bellcaid = claire kincaid x margot bell, a sapphic law & order rarepair.) that fic was so fun to write bc,,, girls 💛 there is something Truly Delightful about a mutual drunken confession while you're totally platonically helping your friend undress 😌

16. What’s your most common “Additional Tags” tag?

i tend to use a Lot of additional tags, so i was too lazy to actually confirm this, but i'm almost certain it's "Romance" for the very simple reason that i write a lot of fics that involve romance or romantic couples 😂 im a simple gal with simple tags!

[gravityrulez]

🖍️✏️☕️ for the artist ask meme!! 👀

🖍️ When did you start drawing? Do you remember?  I don't! I had kinda always been drawing when I was little, I think one of my mom's favorite methods to keep me quiet was to just give me paper and pens and I'd be busy for hours lmao

 ✏️ Do you prefer traditional art or digital to relax? I definitely prefer digital overall by now. But a blank digital canvas is weirdly intimidating in a way a sketchbook page isn't, so sketching on paper should be more relaxing - I just don't really do it anymore :')

☕ Do you do warmup sketches before drawing? (Bonus: do you have any to share?) hhhh see I know I should be doing them, I just. I just don't xD I mean sometimes I draw circles and parallel lines for a minute, but mostly I'm just happy to get to drawing when I'm finally, finally beating away the depression motivated enough to actually draw

[thoodleoo]

man i know i talk a lot about about relating to ancient artifacts but really is there anything more beautiful or relatable than the sleeping lady of malta. we don't really know what she means. is she a goddess? does she represent death? is she truly just asleep? but at the end of the day it doesn't really matter, because she looks exactly like me drunkenly lying on the couch eating tortilla chips while i watch reruns of diners drive-ins and dives

[k-marzolf]

I’m gonna live forever;

title inspired by Irene Cara’s song Fame.

cw; hit man!Billy Russo, ADHD coded reader, kissing, a hint at Billy’s darker side, fem!reader.

summary; Billy is your neighbor that you’re enamored with, but what secrets is he hiding?

tagging; @terry2227 @kayhi808 @e-dubbc11 @bookloverfilmoholic @aoi-targaryen @firequeensposts @oops89 @thejanecampaign @littleblackcatinwonderland @zz-kennedy @fictional-hooman @cant-help-simping @tortilla-chips-and-allioli @fireeyes-on-teller-dixon-grimes @danzer8705 @firexfate @rosaleenablack @idaofinfinity @russosafehaven @vaguekayla

&&&&&&

You see him with her in the drink aisle; she’s flirting as he grabs your favorite wine, and puts it in the cart. You feel the sting of jealousy; she’s beautiful.

She was like Snow White, or maybe some Twilight vampire, minus the sparkling. A Volturi member, ready to kill you for your blood. Or maybe—a fairy but ones with claws, and fangs. A human—you stop yourself as you go on yet another tangent.

You look down at yourself in your sweatpants and one of his PT shirts you’d swiped. You made a habit of stealing his clothes like a little gnome, they were comfortable. And they smelled like him. You casually make your way over, missing the way his eyes light up when he sees you.

You know your neighbor isn’t yours, but god you want him to be. Karen had seen him twirling you around in the hallway, with a glass of wine in your hands, somehow not spilling.

“I got the better wine.” He had husked in your ear, opening his apartment door.

“Are you sayin’ I have cheap wine, sir?” You had huffed.

He hummed, “‘I’m trying to catch a fairy.” He said, breath tickling your ear.

You had stumbled forward, nearly spilling the wine.

He laughed, “First day on your new legs, Ariel?” He said, helping you into the apartment.

“He’s an asshole, but a beautiful one, isn’t he?”

When you approach, the woman looks at you with disdain. But Billy wraps his arm around you, kissing your mouth, making your cheeks blaze, and eyebrows raise in surprise. “Hey, fairy.” He says, smiling at your wide eyed expression.

The woman curls her lip glaring at you, before she leaves the two of you. Not a vampire, then. He sighs once she’s gone. “What a pain in the ass. They only ever want my beauty. I’m a goddamn prize to them.” He admits in irritation.

“You could walk around with a bag over your head. Like Scarecrow. I’d dress up like Batman, too. You know, so you won’t be alone. Or a pumpkin like the headless horseman. We could put LED lights inside to give it the murder kitten vibe, and I could be Ichabod Crane, or—” You ramble, the train wreck gaining speed.

He cuts you off, kissing you mouth, tasting your iced coffee, and you make a surprised noise in the back of your throat.

He looks at you as he pulls back, and gives you a boyish grin, making butterflies erupt in your belly. “Wanna get some wine and snacks?” He asks you, pointing to the wine in the cart, enjoying your sweet smile.

“We could have a movie night, we could watch the Terminator, or Alien. Bloodthirsty aliens against a woman and her cat, I’m also not opposed to homicidal dinosaurs, or The Mummy, gets the ancient Egypt nerd in me happy—” You ramble.

Billy grins, cheeks dimpling. “Sounds good, fairy.”

You both agree no to rom-coms (you loathe those, something Karen never understood, “Romance and comedy, what could be better?” She asked you one time. “Criminal Minds. Serial killers and Spencer Reid,” you had deadpanned. Karen had blanched), so you and Billy decided to throw some movies in a bowl, and select one.

Forging relationships has always been difficult, due to you being so ditsy and a chatterbox.

Maybe with Billy, it doesn’t have to be.

x

“Young man?” An older lady stops Billy in his tracks as he moves to climb the stairs. Her hair is graying, and pulled up in a tight bun; she has laugh lines, and her eyes are warm.

“Yeah?” Billy asks, one foot on the step in front of him, body turned.

“Thank you for befriending her. I’ve always worried about how isolated she is. But she seems at ease with you. No one should be alone all the time.” She says, and Billy’s heart aches at the image of you alone with no one.

You peek from the top of the stairs, “Bill?” You say impatiently, giving him golden retriever energy.

“Comin’,” he says, turning back to the lady who shoos him up the stairs.

“What’d she want?” You ask, bouncing on the balls of your feet, noticing an outline of a knife in his combat boot.

Billy ruffles your hair distracting you, “Just worried about you.” He hums, kissing your cheek. “How about that movie night?”

You give him a sweet smile, giggling as he raced you down to the end of the hall where your shared apartment was, carrying chips and salsa.

He was going to steal your heart, you were sure of it.

[sseniita]

father, like daughter

“You’re joking!” The Villain’s daughter said, dangerously holding whatever new monstrous invention she had tinkered up. “That’s Bullshit!” 

The Villain held up two fingers. “That’s two months now, young lady! And I'm taking away your power drill!” The Villain’s daughter turned red with anger as she faced the Hero standing on the other side of kitchen island. 

“Tell him it’s not fair!” She shouted, prompting the Villain to turn towards Hero as well. Hero had come by only to pick up some documents she needed from Villain, she hadn’t expected to play jury.

“Uh. Well- Villain. Maybe you're being too harsh-” Her train of thought derailed at the sight of Villain’s glare only comparable to his daughter’s. “Um…” She quickly put up two fists on her hips and raised her chin. 

“Listen to your father.” Satisfied, the Villain turned to his daughter. 

“Starting an underground weapon market?! What were you thinking? What if you got hurt!? Do you have any idea how traceable PAYPAL is?!” 

“I started doing cash only!” 

“Yes! After Other Villain venmo-ed you 8K!” 

“Exactly! My business is booming! You’re just jealous I’m a better Villain than you.” The Villain chuckled sarcastically. 

“You have no idea what game you’re playing! I’ve been at this for years and never once did I let myself slip or be noticed!” 

“Ugh whatever! No Hero has caught me yet!” 

The Hero tensed- clearing her throat. Both Villain and mini Villain turned to her before quickly facing each other again. 

“I should have Hero arrest you right now!” 

“She would not! It’s been 10 years and she hasn’t even arrested you!” 

“I-” Hero tried to intervene. 

“Exactly! 10 years of seducing Hero and turning her completely complicit. Now that’s villany!” The Hero could only stutter out her beginning to a counterargument. 

“It took you 10 years to seduce her?! Is that really something to be proud of?” 

“Watch it, young lady!” 

“Ok fine! I’ll just seduce Sidekick then!” She pointed her weapon at Hero’s sidekick who had been enjoying the show, hand half into a tortilla chip bag on the Villain's couch. The Sidekick shot a pleading look at Hero, a look she could only shrug at. The Villain’s eyes narrowed. 

“Three months.” 

The Villain’s daughter groaned over exaggeratedly, threw her weapon on the kitchen island and stomped up to her room. 

“And you!” The Villain pointed to Hero’s sidekick. “Get any closer than 20 meters from her, I dare you.” The Sidekick quickly nodded, a deer in the headlights. 

“Yes sir. Of course sir.” Standing up straight. The Villain cringed. 

“Ugh. I can’t even see you right now. Get out.” The villain said, hand to his temple. The Sidekick skipped past the Hero, giving her a nervous smile Hero returned with a roll of her eyes. Before leaving out the door the Sidekick turned back. 

“Actually we had plans Friday night to-” 

“Out!” The Villain yelled, throwing a fork to the door. 

“Yes, of course, Mr. Villain. See ya later. Bye!” he rushed out almost as fast of his words did from his mouth leaving only Hero and Villain amidst the slam of the door. After a sigh left his mouth the Villain finally relaxed and Hero had the courage to get closer, leaning on the counter. 

“Teenagers, right?” she chuckled. The Villains only huffed. 

“Sorry for screaming at your sidekick.”

“He knows you don’t mean harm. Besides, I’m the one who drove here so it's not like he can go anywhere.” She joked, earning a chuckle from the Villain.

“You know what the worst part is?” The Villain softened. 

“Hmm?” The Hero answered. 

“Before I was angry- I was really, really impressed. Maybe even proud!” He gestured towards the weapon on the kitchen island.

"A bubble trap gun? Why hadn't I ever thought of it?" The Villain seemed genuinely intrigued as he picked it up to analyze. "This is amazing craftsmanship."

The Hero was shocked for a second before remembering who she was talking to and laughed. Villain only let out another chuckle and sighed as the Hero calmed down. 

“If you do let him anywhere near her-” 

“Isn’t that what my Mentor said to Supervillain?” Hero teased.

“That’s different. I didn’t seduce you to get back at my father.” The hero only smiled and leaned against him. 

“Don’t worry. If genetics are anything to account for, they'll be 27 before your daughter wins my sidekick’s heart.” 

[greyknighterotica]

I feel amazing!

I've lost so much weight since May, I'm so, so, so proud of myself. So, I woke up today, and a kin lady said "Birthday dinner!"

And so, for the first time in two years, I WALKED to the steakhouse and got me a takeout order.

The price was about the same as 2021, which shocked me, and the quality was great.

that's two serving of thick, pub style fries, five big breaded shrimp and beneath that, an 8 ounce skirt steak. In the bag? Chips and salsa, decent quality, too. Into the foil, real fresh tortillas.

Oh. Thank you kind lady. I had no idea how much I wanted this.

[thespiritssaidso]

Shawn Ruins His Food

Summary: The dysfunctional poly group has finally moved in together. But that only means they are now getting introduced to Shawn’s strange eating habits.

It was a sunny Tuesday morning, and Shawn and Gus were spending it inside.

Currently, it was only them in the house, as it was a work day for both Juliet and Lassiter. Gus would have worked today as well, but he had lots of vacation days he still had yet to use. So there they were, sitting side by side on the couch, munching on tortilla chips and salsa.

Gus reached into the bag and was met with crumbs. He was disappointed, of course, that there wasn’t any more to snack on. But that didn’t change the fact that there were no more chips.

“Well, this bag is done for.” He made to grab the bag and throw it out, when Shawn stopped him.

“What are you talking about?”

Gus set the bag back down. “It’s just crumbs left, Shawn. There’s no point trying to dip them.”

“That’s what you think.” He upended the bag into the jar of salsa, and quickly jumped up to grab a spoon. He sat back down and, not even bothering to mix it in, started scooping small bites of the new chip/salsa concoction.

Gus just stared at him for a minute before saying, “I can’t tell whether I should be impressed or disgusted.”

“Impressed.” He portioned another spoonful. “Here, have some.”

Gus made a tsch sound, and turned away. “Come on, son.”

—————

It was Wednesday afternoon. Gus was doing rounds, and Juliet had taken the day off to visit her parents.

Lassiter had come home from the station, wanting to spend his lunch break at home with one of his partners. He was now enjoying a homemade sandwich while Shawn rifled through the fridge.

“Hey Lassie-babe, where’s the sour cream?”

“I just got some more, it should be behind the milk.”

Shawn shuffled the milk aside, and sure enough it was there. He wordlessly peeled it open and licked the excess sour cream from the cap liner before throwing it away.

Lassiter’s nose scrunched a bit in disgust at Shawn’s act when he asked, “Why did you need the sour cream, Shawn?”

He just held up a finger. “Observe.” Taking a spoon, he scooped a small dollop onto it and set it aside. Then, he grabbed… an Oreo, and twisted it apart. He grabbed the spoon again, and-

“Oh, sweet lady justice, Spencer.” Lassiter’s face contorted into a grimace as he watched Shawn spread the sour cream onto the inside of the Oreo before smushing it closed.

"Hey, don't knock it till you try it." He took a bite, and a small bit of sour cream oozed out of the sides. "In fact..."

Lassiter caught on very quickly. "No, I do not want to try that monstrosity."

Shawn pouted. “Oh c’mon, Carlytown! Just a little bite! It won’t kill you.”

He looked at the Oreo, then at Shawn, then back at the Oreo, and then back at him. “I’m not entirely sure about that.”

Shawn didn’t give up that easily, though. He gave Lassiter his best puppy dog eyes he could, until he finally gave in. “Okay fine. Just give me the damn cookie.”

Shawn grinned and handed the rest to him. “Although I should warn you: it’s a bit of an acquired taste.”

Lassiter just rolled his eyes and took a very small bite. He immediately made a face at the taste. “Oh dear lord.” He stood up and practically ran to the trash can to spit it out.

Shawn huffed. “Really? It’s not that bad, Lassie-”

“I am never trusting you again when it comes to food.”

—————

It was Thursday, late enough to be dark. Both Gus and Lassiter were at their respective jobs, filling out different kinds of reports.

Juliet had been able to leave early, at Lassiter’s insistence that someone be home with Shawn — like he was a kid they couldn’t leave alone for more than 5 minutes.

Anyways, it was getting close to dinner. So Shawn made them both some instant cup ramen.

Juliet had already settled and started eating from her cup, but Shawn had gone off to the fridge. When he came back, he had a bottle of soy sauce and a jar of peanut butter.

Oh, he’s just going to flavor his ramen, okay. And Juliet went back to eating her food. But she paused when she noticed he hadn’t stopped pouring the soy sauce.

“Oh my- Shawn stop! You’re going to get a heart attack if you have any more sodium!” The bowl of chicken flavored ramen now resembled a bowl of beef ramen, which was slightly disturbing.

“Wha- Jules, I wasn’t done yet!” He tries to reach for it but she stands up and puts it back in the fridge.

Juliet didn’t hear him get up after her, however, and looked back at him and saw that he had scooped a hefty amount of peanut butter and was currently mixing it all in with the now soy sauce flavored ramen. She just sighed and sat down to resume eating.

“You want a bite?”

She hesitated. There was a lot of- well, everything, in that ramen. But how could she say no to that face? “…Sure.”

Juliet took a bite, and realized just how much soy sauce was really in there. Shawn had also failed to completely stir the peanut butter into the broth, so now there was a small clump stuck to the roof of her mouth.

Her mouth puckered slightly, in a reaction to the high levels of salt. Putting her hand to her mouth delicately, she rushed to the sink to spit out her mouthful of Shawn’s ramen.

“God, Shawn. How has your heart not given out on you yet?!” Turning on the faucet, she attempted to wash out the remaining peanut butter that was still stuck.

Not having an answer for that, he just shrugged and went back to slurping up his noodles.

——————————

Yeah that’s it lol. Also, completely off topic: I run a Psych discord, and if you’d like to join just dm me and I’ll send the link

ao3 link

[mopillow]

I insist that this comic is about He Cheng but I understand if not everyone shares my opinion, anyway according to the Time Zone I can start celebrating in honor of someone chances are I’m going to get drunk so expect either memes or my ending, have a nice weekend people

@lady-tortilla-chip if you dislike this image please let me know and I’ll delete

[stellaluna33]

Theee best tortilla chips in the American Midwest!!! 😍😍😍 I love you, I LOVE YOU!🥰 My usual grocery store doesn't have them, but I went to Aldi this time and I happened to see them in someone ELSE'S shopping basket, and I was like, "They have El Milagro chips here?!!" The lady looked at me like, "Why are you looking in my shopping basket and why are you talking to me, you weirdo?" so I was just like ok, fine, whatever, I'll just look for them myself. 😂

[ohforficsakelibrary]

You Brought Me Poison Flowers

Chapter 1: Larkspur - The larkspur keeps away ghosts.

series masterlist / masterlist

Summary: Joel and Ellie settle into life in Jackson, one more easily than the other, until Joel is reminded of what normal feels like. The kind of normal that he perhaps never had. A series of one-shot glimpses into a relationship (no true plot here, people.) Soft!Joel. Two touch-starved babes. Slow-ish burn.

Chapter subtitles taken from Cunningham’s Encyclopedia of Magical Herbs by Scott Cunningham. Although herbal preparations are consistent with historic uses, nothing herein is to be construed as medical advice.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Herbalist!OFC (age-appropriate age gap)

Word Count: 3.1K

Rating: Eventually explicit 18+ / Minors DNI. tw blood.

A/N: At a Fourth of July celebration in Jackson, Joel starts to feel a little more human again.

It had been three months since they returned to Jackson.

Since they were given a home. A community. Three squares a day and as much whiskey as Joel wanted. 

Which, admittedly, is more than he should have.

And, how had Maria put it—integrating—into the community, well. 

Not quite yet.

Sure, he had been given a position out on patrols. Something he was good at. A way he could earn his keep. And working alongside Tommy again felt more comfortable than he anticipated. 

Familiar, even.

Ellie, on the other hand, had been eager to integrate into the group of other kids her age. She hadn’t much wanted to fall back into the rhythm of school and Joel hadn’t pushed. But she made quick work of finding her niche on her own, helping out at shops in town, tending the animals in the early hours, working the farm and pestering Mitchell with her questions in the heat of the afternoon sun. 

Eventually she graduated to farmhand. Integration achieved.

Tommy and Maria had convinced him to leave the cabin for tonight’s Fourth of July festivities. Independence Day.

Irony doesn’t step lightly among the adult members of the town.

Those who remembered The Before and the abject failure that led to The After.

The scent of freshly grilled meat wafts through the street and a band had set up on the steps of the old bank. Mess Hall tables had been dragged out into the street and kids raced between them, their laughter ringing clear in harmony with the music.

Nights were still cold, he’d yet to learn they nearly always were in Jackson, and Joel kept his arms crossed to keep the chill at bay.

It kept everyone else at bay too.

“You know if you got out there and danced, you wouldn’t feel so cold.” Tommy grinned as he fell back into his seat.

“I don’t fuckin’ dance.”

“You used to.”

“Used to do a lot.” Joel shoots his whiskey and his eyes snap back to the crowd.

The habit of constantly searching for Ellie hadn’t abated. She’s dancing with a woman he’s seen around who runs a store in town.

No threat detected.

The song ends and Ellie returns to the table, grabbing a handful of tortilla chips before adjusting the flower crown on her head. A few of the school teachers had taken the kids out into a nearby meadow this afternoon and taught them how to weave delicate stems. Ellie’s was a blood red shock of paintbrush plant, nearly glowing against her brown hair.

She’s off again just as quickly as she sat down.

Joel’s stare follows her out into the crowd and he notices most of the kids have one along with a handful of adults. Some teachers, some guards. That lady Ellie had been dancing with though was neither.

Speak of the devil.

“Alright, Maria,” she breezes in, haloed in a wreath of purple larkspur and grabbing for a chip, “let’s get you out there.”

“Lennie!” Maria rises with a smile, “Let me introduce you, this is Joel,” Maria casts over her shoulder as she hands the baby off to Tommy. “We finally got him out of the house.”

“It took the promise of whiskey to do it,” Tommy quips, adjusting his daughter into a more comfortable position against his chest. 

“Joel is Tommy’s brother,” Maria continued, “and…”

“Ellie’s dad,” Joel finishes as he stands. Lennie brushes salt off on her overalls and holds out her hand with a grin. Joel takes it, surprised to find a firm grip. 

“Nice to meet you, Joel. Ellie’s real sharp. Helps me out with little things at the store sometimes.” 

“Thanks.”

He doesn’t realize he takes the compliment with a scowl on his face.

She nods at the younger man, hands on her hips, “how’s that gin treatin’ you Tommy?”

“It’s a great blend, Len. I still owe you a bottle of mine, I’ll bring it by this week.”

“No rush, I’m happy you’re enjoying.”

“You guys coming or what?” Ellie yells and Lennie presses her lips together and raises her eyebrows.

“I’m being summoned. Joel, nice to finally meet you.”

“Likewise.”

It takes Joel two and a half songs of silence and a fresh pour of whiskey before he finally opens his mouth again.

“What kind of shop does she have?” 

“Who? Len?” Tommy looks over at him.

Joel grunts something that could mean anything.

“Oh she’s got herbs, teas, soaps, lotions, that kind of stuff.”

“Plant shit.”

“Yeah, but not like…”

“A hippie.”

“Nah not like a hippie, man, she knows her stuff. She’s also responsible for that,” Tommy nods at his glass. Joel directs his scowl towards the glass before appropriating it for a sip. It’s gin, unmistakably, and far more complex than whatever homemade corn swill he’s been throwing back. Tommy’s stock was low and the town default wasn’t exactly cutting it. 

Now he was almost considering switching to gin.

“It’s good, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright, don’t go showing too much enthusiasm.”

“Better’n your shit,” he adds. Just to rile Tommy up.

Joel cracks a hint of a smile before turning his gaze back to the crowd of people as the band starts up with Bob Marley.

He recognizes Lennie, but in this town it’s impossible not to see anyone around. He can’t say he’s ever paid her attention. He can’t say he really pays anyone attention beyond evaluating them for a threat. 

He should probably ease up on that. At least while he’s here.

He settles for uncrossing his arms, fingers drumming against his thigh in time with the music.

He spares a glance at Tommy, baby girl cradled to his chest, fingers gently tapping against her back on beat. His own heart starts to clench.

Fingernails dig into denim.

And Joel settles for clearing his throat and gazing back out into the crowd, eyes drawn to a flash of purple.

Ellie's dancing with another girl about her age and Lennie and Maria's hands are locked, each singing to each other. She's about Maria’s height, dark bronze skin and a head of black ringlets that reach the middle of her back. He can’t really pick up anything else at this distance.

She’s pretty though.

Got a pretty mouth.

He’s old, not blind.

"What's that song called? It's good." Ellie slips back into her chair as the band launches into a Rolling Stones cover.

"Never would have took you for a Bob Marley fan," Tommy smiles.

"'S called Is This Love."

"I like it. Words are good."

Curiosity quirks Joel's brow and he manages to hide a hint of a smirk behind a sip of whiskey.

_____

Out of sheer curiosity he stops into Lennie's shop the next day.

“WILEY’S” the sign out front proclaims in black painted letters. Large windows flank the door and the afternoon sun shines on thick bundles of foliage mounted on racks that span the length of them.

He steps inside and is immediately greeted by the scent of something unmistakably green.

A younger couple sits on a bench at a long dining table to the right, engrossed in conversation and laughing over mugs of tea.

They don’t look like much of a threat. 

They look. Happy.

Lennie stands behind a long wooden bar counter with three large jars spread across the top, chatting with a man he recognizes from the café. 

“Hey, Joel!” She calls. “Give me three and I’ll be right with you. Feel free to have a look around.”

He holds up a hand and tells her to take her time before stuffing his fingers in his pockets and taking a lap. There’s a floor-to-ceiling bookcase along the right wall behind the heavy oak table. The shelves nearest the windows are jammed tight with books, the ones towards the back adorned with heavy jars of some kind of liquid in shades of green, amber, rust, and earth. He comes to a smaller bookcase along the back wall and an array of smaller mismatched jars, their contents opaque. There’s a generous farmhouse sink installed in wooden countertop beneath a window flanked by more shelving on which mason jars and metal bowls sit drying. Shelves to the left of the sink house baskets of fresher plant material yet to be processed. A dormant wood stove sits tucked into the back corner.

As he starts to make his way back around to the bar he notes that the shelving along this wall is stocked floor to ceiling with dried herbs, many of which have smaller jars of liquid beside them in the same array of shades as whatever’s next to the books. 

And finally he makes his way back to the woman herself. Blue flannel and overall-clad, a too-worn canvas apron tied around her hips. Wild black hair is thrown up without care as to what’s falling out. 

“What can I help you with, Joel?” Full lips part in a warm smile.

“I uh,” and suddenly he realizes that he hadn’t actually given thought to what brought him here. “Actually," his voice drops an octave as if to hide his ask, "have you got any coffee?

“If I had coffee, my friend, I’d be the most popular girl in town.” She mirrors his tone. “But, if you don’t mind squinting and overlooking…nearly everything...I have a few options that might hold you over. You looking for a caffeine hit or just the taste?”

He thinks on it for a moment, never quite having had to parse the preference.

“Taste, I guess.”

“Alright,” she wheels around to the dried material behind her and pulls a hefty jar off of a higher shelf. “Forgive me if this is too on the nose, but are you allergic to any mushrooms?”

“Only the kind you’re thinking of.” The distant relative of a smile tries to tug at the corner of his mouth.

“How about I make you a cup to try and then you tell me whether you want it or not.”

“Sounds good, yeah.”

She pulls a french press from underneath the bar and starts up a hot plate before moving easily across old wide planks that creak under her feet to fill the kettle at the sink.

There’s a massive leather-holstered hunting knife snapped into a belt loop on the back of her overalls.

Not a threat yet, though.

“Go ahead and take a seat,” she nods at a bar stool when she returns, scooping a few spoonfuls of what could be wood chips for all Joel knows into the french press. Only then does he realize he’s just been standing there, hands stuffed in his pockets. 

Looming. 

“This has to hang out for ten.” 

He’s noticed she does that. Throws numbers out there without units to keep them company.

“Thanks for the tea, Lennie!” The couple behind him at the table gets up to place their mugs in the sink and she throws them a wave and a big smile.

“Any time, good to see you Jamal. And Sheila, I just did up a batch of that face cream, let me know when you need a restock, yeah?”

“Will do, Lennie. I swear it takes 10 years off.”

“Happy to hear you like it, love. Y’all take care, alright?”

“Later, Len!” The man calls and suddenly it’s just the two of them. Joel runs his hands over the wooden bar top, noticing that at some point it must have been just that given the array of drink rings and cigarette burns marring its surface. 

She grabs two mismatched mugs and splits the pour between both. 

“You take it with…”

“Just black, thanks.”

“Alright then, cheers.” She passes one over to him and taps hers on the side. “Now remember…”

Joel brings it to his lips and downs a gulp before she finishes. 

“Fuck.”

“I warned you it’s not the same. But I haven’t…”

“No. No, I mean…” He takes another sip and holds it in his mouth before swallowing.

“It’s ok,” she laughs and leans down to rest her elbows on the bar with a grin.

“No, Lennie, it’s—good.” 

“Joel, I know you just met me, but I gotta tell you that you don’t actually have to lie to make me feel better, yeah?” She’s still smiling.

“No, I actually mean that.” 

She would have doubted him if this wasn’t the first time she’s actually seen him smile. With teeth, no less.

“This is just plants? And mushrooms?” The look in those big brown eyes is actually sincere.

“Well, coffee is a plant, so,” she straightens with a wink. “It’s chicory and dandelion mostly, with a few secrets thrown in.”.

Joel throws his head back and drains his cup.

I could fuckin kiss you right now.

He quickly casts his eyes up at her to make sure he hasn’t said it out loud.

Being out in the wilds for that long tends to degrade your filter.

“Let me get a bag.”

A bag?

“Haven’t got any bags, but I can give it to you by jar if that’ll do.”

“Yeah. Yeah that’ll do just fine.” 

“MISS LENNIE” erupts from the doorway and Joel is already clear out of his seat, reaching to his waistband for a gun he hasn’t brought.

Good thing, because this is a kid. 

Not an Ellie-kid. Just a kid-kid.

“Miss Lennie, it won’t stop.” 

The kid’s nose is gushing enough blood to stain his teeth. Can’t be more than seven? Eight?

She reaches behind her for a jar of golden liquid and under the bar for a two small scraps of cloth, one of which she rolls up.

“You get hit?” She grabs a metal straw and uses it to suction up some of the liquid to drench the rolled cloth.

“No, it just started and it won’t stop. Like last time.”

“Alright Benny, I got you.” Lennie swings around the corner of the bar and kneels down, gingerly wiping excess blood from his face before gently guiding Benny’s head backward.

“Might sting a little, but you’re brave, right?” She asks him as much with her eyes as her words.

“I’m brave, Miss Lennie.”

“Darn right you are. Alright, one, two…”

She slides the cloth into the offending nostril on “two” and Benny makes a noise like a startled dog.

“Alright, you’re ok,” she coos. “You ok?”

Benny finally opens his eyes and blinks hard a few times.

At least he isn’t screaming.

“You alright there Benny?” She repeats.

“Yeah. Yeah, it’s not that bad.”

“Ok, good,” she chuckles. “Keep holding that there.” Lennie slips behind the bar again to grab a fresh mug and fills it a third of the way with still-warm water from the kettle. She adds a few drops of the same liquid and stirs before drawing some up in the straw and letting drips fall on the inside of her wrist.

“Alright, Bennie,” she kneels again, “can I get you to drink some of that there for me?”

Benny takes the mug and Joel notices the kid’s fingers and arms are streaked red where he had tried to rub the blood away.

“Alright, great job, Benny. Now come on, let’s get you washed up.”

Lennie gently guides him to the sink, hooking her toe under a short wooden step stool that’s slotted under there and yanking it out for Benny to stand on. She helps him to wash his hands and arms before she gingerly removes the rolled-up cloth and inspects his face. 

“You’re all good, Benny. Now go ahead and get your face washed up, I’ll grab you a towel.”

Joel watches as the boy scrubs his face with soap and takes the towel Lennie offers, rubbing gently, and returns to the front of the shop. There isn’t a drop of blood in sight. Benny reaches up on tip toes to hand the towel back to Lennie over the bar. 

“Thanks, Miss Lennie. I’ll bring you a rock tomorrow.”

“Sounds good, Benny. And hey, tell your momma to stop by when she has a chance, ok?”

“Ok, Miss Lennie!” He calls as he bounds out of the door.

A lot just happened, but the first thing out of Joel’s mouth is “a rock?”

“Yeah,” she smiles to herself. “Kids in this town don’t have to trade, but a lot of them still want to. To be like the grownups.” She takes a sip of her tea. “I always tell them to bring me something they find outside that feels special to them, but more importantly to tell me why they chose it.”

Joel smiles again. No teeth this time.

“Plus I like rocks. Pine cones too,” with a grin.

Teeth again now.

“What is that, what did you use?” he motions towards the jar. 

“Yarrow tincture. It’s astringent, but yarrow, she just understands blood. Too much blood? Yarrow. Not bleeding when you’re supposed to? Yarrow. She’s got other uses too, but that’s a big one around here.” Lennie returns the tincture jar to the shelf. “Alright, let’s get you that tea.”

She scoops the coffee mixture into a smaller mason jar, caps it and slides it over to him. Out of habit, Joel reaches into his back pocket before realizing. 

Things aren’t like that anymore, and yet this feels so. Normal.

“I uh, haven’t brought anything to trade.”

She begins to brush it off, call it a thanks for stopping in.

“Is there anything you need?” He points up at the herb shelf. “Figure I probably come across some of this stuff out on patrol, happy to help save you the trip.”

“I could some more of that, actually,” she nods back in the direction of the jar she just returned.

“Yarrow?” He repeats. “What’s it look like?”

“It grows pretty plentiful outside of town. It’s maybe yay high” she gestures near her waist, “tiny white flowers borne in a cluster. The key to it though is these lacy little leaves that…”

She can see the exact moment he glazes over. 

“Gimme one,” and she disappears through a door at the back of the shop, returning with a fresh sprig of white blooms. “I keep a small garden of a few things it helps to have fresh, but not nearly at the volume I need for everyone. But that’s what you’re looking for.” Lennie hands it over. “These leaves here.” 

Joel rubs the soft feathery flush between his fingers.

“Achillea millefolium. Thousand leaves.” She says softly.

“What’s the first part?”

“Achillea. Legend has it that Achilles’ mother dipped him in a bath of yarrow to grant him immortality.”

“I thought that was the River Styx.”

“Yeah that’s what I heard too, but the guy who named that,” she nods at the flowers in his hand, “apparently didn’t.” 

He smiles, grabbing his precious jar of fake coffee. “Alright, Lennie. Thank you.” He extends a hand out of habit.

And most definitely not because her hands are soft.

“Thanks for stopping in, Joel. Don’t be a stranger,” she returns a firm shake.

And with that he’s gone.

next

Old chapters are hosted on the OFFS Library page. New chapters will be posted to Ohforficsake - follow me over there for future updates.

Shoot me a message @ohforficsake or comment under this post if you would like to be added to the taglist for updates! Thanks so much for reading.

[fullmetalfisting]

I was just at w*lmart (tacky but needs must) and I bought like $10 worth of groceries and left and the lady at the door asked to see my receipt. I was like “uhhh I don’t think I grabbed it?” Like I’m not shoplifting tortilla chips and pickles. I’m like “the cashier is 10 feet that way” and she’s like “im not allowed to leave this spot” and I was like “okay, bye” and she didn’t like stop me but also what is this, a Costco? Why do you have to see my receipt?

[all-inmoderation]

Challenge: Make a poll with five of your all time favorite characters and tag 5 people to do the same!

ooo this is a fun challenge! thanks for tagging me @lady-tortilla-chip!

these are some of my fave characters recently, in no particular order:

Honorable Mentions: Mi-ae Hwang from After School Lessons for Unripe Apples, Ichikawa Kyotaro from The Dangers in My Heart, Naomi Westfield from You Deserve Each Other. I love these characters too but we were only allowed to pick 5 :(

I'll tag: @thefudge, @lej222, @bioloyg, @praetorqueenreyna, @himbo-prince