#last post abt this i was just thinking about how many times ive been vagued andor blocked over this OR EVEN having multiple muts with the

[absentmoon]

i think also like the jump to blocking longtime mutuals or people you talk to just bc they draw a character you like and themselves together is so like. Like

[moonstruckme]

happy new year lovie!!!! i feel bad for requesting this bc just thinking ab the volume of ur inbox is a little overwhelming and ive gone a bit overboard 😭

but..... bodyguard!james finds out his mum is quite sick right before his shift one day and leaves to take care of her after letting reader know. he has to take the week off and reader is visiting and bringing them their favorite homecooked meals everyday (which she has memorised bc, bless him, james loves to talk abt his mum) and james is LOVEEESTRUCK. she's there, bright and early every morning (with a different bodyguard bc god forbid she leaves the house with no protection right in front of james' own two eyes!!!) with muffins and flowers and bags of food in hand :( james is enamored and so sweet on her!!!!! and reader is obsessing over how vulnerable and emotionally in tune james is at a time like this!!!!! i'm thinking maybe confessions are getting pretty hard to hold back by the end of the week ☹️🩷

thank you! (if you do decide to write this or if you dont for letting me ramble on in your asks x)

Don't feel bad my love! Thank you for requesting :)

cw: sick family member

bodyguard!James x fem!reader ♡ 1.3k words

No matter how many times James has visited home throughout his adult life, he always manages to discover something he’s forgotten about living there. Like how particular his mum is about the way the dish towel is folded, or which drawer the scissors are kept in, or the ungodly amount of door-to-door salesmen that come by on a daily basis. 

Lately, he’s being plagued by the last. He recalls them being vaguely annoying when he was younger, but James’ family is currently going through a difficult time that leaves one with somewhat frayed nerves. He very nearly snapped at a particularly tenacious primary school student selling chocolate yesterday. Not one of his finer moments. 

So when the doorbell rings while his mum is trying to sleep down the hall, James has to make an effort to reel his wrath back in before he’s even answered it. 

Funnily enough, any negative emotion completely evaporates when he sees you on the front steps. 

“Hi,” you say, looking apprehensive. 

“Hi,” James echoes. He opens the door the rest of the way, nodding to the fill-in guard you’ve brought with you. “Hey, Singh.”

Singh nods in return. 

“I hope it’s alright that I just came by.” You give him a sheepish sort of smile. “I didn’t even realize I don’t have your phone number until now. You’re always just…there.” 

James laughs, the mood that’s descended over him since getting the call about his mum lifting slightly. “Yeah, I suppose I am. What brings you out, sweetheart?” 

You hoist the bags you’re carrying a bit higher in your arms. “I brought some stuff for you and your mom, if that’s okay.” 

A tiny hand fists around his heart, squeezing pleasantly. “Course it is,” he all but coos. “Come on in. Singh, you alright to stay here and keep watch?” 

Luckily, the other man doesn’t think to remember that James is currently on leave, and so defers to him with a curt nod. James shoots him a smile as you come inside, closing the door behind you. 

“They put Singh on day shift?” he asks, taking one of the bags from you and leading you into the kitchen. “He’s barely finished training.” 

“He seems fine,” you say in your good-natured way. 

“He took you to a location that’s never been reconned without even bringing another guard to post outside.” 

“It’s your mom’s house, Jamie.” The smile is evident in your voice, sweeter even than the smell wafting out of these bags. God, he’s missed you. “I doubt he suspects either of you are going to try and hurt me.” 

“He should be prepared for the possibility,” James says, but he can’t manage to work any menace into his tone even to tease you. You tilt your head at him, mouth curving up to one side like you’re well acquainted with his particular brand of silliness, and he lets his grievances go instantly. “You didn’t have to bring us anything, angel face.” 

You flush a bit at the endearment, directing a soft smile down at his family’s old wooden table (which is great, because now James is in the position of being jealous of a table). “I wanted to do something,” you reply simply. “How’s your mom?” 

“She’s alright.” Not great. Not worse, which is always good. If the only thing he accomplishes in a day is that she doesn’t get worse, James can feel good about that. “She’s sleeping in this morning.” 

“Oh, shit.” Your voice drops to a hush like the breeze blowing through leaves. “I haven’t woken her, have I?” 

James grins. “No, you’re good. She can sleep through anything.” 

You lose a breath. “Right, well I brought some meals to last you a few days,” you say, digging some containers out of the bag. “It can all be heated up whenever you’re ready to eat, and—oh, also some flowers. I know it’s stupid, but I thought they might brighten things up for you two.” James doesn’t think it’s stupid at all, but you go on before he can tell you so. “Can I put these in your freezer? I brought some muffins for this morning too, if you want them.” 

“Yeah,” James says, the word leaving him on a breath. “I mean, yeah to both. Thank you.” He grabs several of the containers as well, showing you to the freezer. You both start cramming them in between things, wherever they’ll fit. He takes note of the food as it goes in, a heady warmth growing in his chest. “Did you make all of this?” 

You hum in brisk affirmation. “I had plenty of time on my hands yesterday. Turns out things are pretty boring without you around.” 

“How’d you know what to make? This is all—these are our favorites.” 

You turn to him, a tenderhearted sort of smile curving your lips. “You talk about your mom a lot, Jamie,” you say. “I know all her favorites by now. And the things she’d make that were your favorites, too.” 

James hadn’t realized he’d spent so much time rambling about his mum. It hurts his chest a bit to think of it now, worse to think that you’d been listening so intently. 

“This is only really enough to get you through a few days,” you go on, oblivious to his yearning, “but I figured I’d come back with more if you’re both alright with it.” You look at him as you pack the last of the food away, your gaze careful. “I don’t want to intrude or anything.” 

“You could never intrude.” James isn’t sure how he gets the words out, his heart ballooning until it’s nearly cutting off his airflow. The cool air breezing onto one side of his face stops, and he realizes you’ve shut the freezer. “This is just…so, so kind of you. I don’t know what to say.” 

“James.” Your voice is soft. Your smile has faded, and now you look at him with an unabashed, steady kindness. “You don’t have to say anything. I can’t stand the thought of you and your mom going through this. I wanted to help, somehow.” One of your shoulders comes up in a sheepish half-shrug. “Even if it’s really small.” 

He wraps his arms around your shoulders, and you hesitate only a second before bringing your arms around him too. You squeeze him tight. James lets himself relish the feel of it, lovelorn. “It’s not small,” he says fervently. “It really…it means a lot, sweetheart.” 

You only squeeze tighter in response. When he lets you go, your gaze is sad. Worried. You ask without prelude, “Are you doing okay?” 

James gives you a half-smile. The truth of it. “Yeah, we’re alright over here. It’s hard to see her like this, but I think everything’s going to be okay.” You nod, solemn in your understanding. “Sounds like I might be doing better than you, actually, if your company’s bad enough that you’re entertaining yourself in the kitchen all day.” 

You crack a smile at that, and James’ heart lightens. “Yeah, Singh’s no you. He doesn’t seem to like to chat.” 

“Ahh, so that’s why you’ve really come out here, yeah? You just missed me.” 

“You’ve caught me.” 

It’s said like a joke, but James’ pride inflates foolishly nonetheless. “I hate that I can’t be there,” he says. “Especially now that I know they’ve put Singh on my shift.” 

“He’s not so bad,” you laugh, heading towards the table. You fold up the bags. “Anyway, it’s more important that you’re here. And I’ll be back in a couple days to restock you.” 

James fixes you with a look as you start for the door. “You really don’t have to.” 

“I’m going to,” you say breezily. “Don’t forget to put the flowers in water, and the muffins are strawberry chocolate chip.” He grins. His mum’s favorite. “I’ll tell Singh you were raving about him.” 

“Oh, please do.” He rolls his eyes, feeling lighter than he has in days. “Thanks, angel.” 

You shoot him a smile worthy of the moniker as you go out the door. “See you in a couple days, Jamie.”

[ottiliere]

hello! ur posts on the vagus nerve and its connections to digestions have encouraged me to do a lil mini dissertation thingy kinda focused on it/around it, ur big thread on PVT and everything really piqued my interest when i read it and i just held onto it for like a year or smthing until like last week when i started the project. Ik u said recently in one of ur posts i believe that ur not going to post the big dirk PVT post and im not here to be like yo post it because i also think u said that ur kinda moving away from like hs/dirky stuff rn ?? (im forgetting if i saw that sorry) but yeah i just wanted to say thank u etc etc, like ive never done an ask before so sorry if this is phrased weirdly but ur blog is just like one of those blogs that fundamentally changed how i view certain things in life for the better lol, like whether its ur beautiful representations / depictions of mental health in like just beautifully painted art (seriously the way u make it look like idk how to word it cartoony/really 2d but then it stands out against the background + if u zoom in and see the tiny pixel details == it makes me mad) or just like the huggeee long form posts that i like to chew on and save cuz theres so many details that AFFAAT like the way you talk abt the topics u portray has made me concious of how i would want to do so in the same way ig u get me. anyway this got really long and idk if i come across coherently, but ur just a random person on the internet whos art and written thoughts that u decide to share makes me happy when i see it == makes me pace around my room and distract me from this fat essay lmao so tldr: i really appreciate what u do + i hope like that ur doing well and that u keep arting and thoughting no matter what it is that u choose to focus on

(uve made me comitted to reading jthm, playing psychonauts and giving jjba w/ dio another go lmao) 🫶🫶

Hello! I’m sorry this reply is coming so late, this ask in particular is very sweet and has stuck out to me.

I’m really happy to have introduced you to PVT, this is something I’ve heard from a few different people on here and it’s very sweet… I did my thesis on it in college and the time really flew by while working on it, things you don't think could possibly attributed to "nerve issues" being nerve issues is always an eye-opener, isn't it? being able to research things that interest you & access information in general really is a privilege in this day and age.

“The topics [I] portray” are very important to me, so it’s heartening when others take interest in spite of the obvious deterrents. A lot of what I love making art about is unpalatable to most, and while I do understand the reasons for that on principle, it can make things feel a little insular. I genuinely believe there’s a lot of value in depicting tableaus of misery.

The last year has brought a lot of very unforeseen changes, and my life is quite different from when I initially made this blog to post about him! That’s also part of why I’ve been so sparse here…though I’m working to change that quite soon. I love sharing my work, and I’ve had the privilege of meeting some truly wonderful people through this website. That said…with where I’m at now, I’m not sure I’ll be posting the Dirk essay anytime soon, I’m afraid.

I’ve undertaken a few ongoing projects, one of which in particular is an original project I plan on sharing publicly here hopefully within the next month or so. I hope it’s something you & anyone else who’s stuck around with me here will enjoy, but failing that, I’ve really enjoyed working on it thus far.

Thank you for the sweet ask, take care, and good luck with your project!

[the-pea-and-the-sun]

i keep starting posts abt death note and then stopping to start a new post about some other death note opinion like fuck i have so much to say. i need to relax genuinely. jts just a vaguely misogynist yaoi anime like i need to remind myself that in a year or even probably a few months something else will feel like its encompassing my entire life an dn literally will not matter to me. i know this to be true because this is how i do everything all the time always but its so unbelievable like. autistic obsession rly does make me a little bit delusional every single time. im always like "well THIS art/story/subject is DIFFERENT and clearly of unique importance and significance compared to that last thing i was obsessed with (an every thing ive been obsessed w ever)" like no matter how much i understand that logically to not be the case i genuinely cant convince myself to actually believe it. like ik this time last year i was just as much if not more obsessed with moomin valley but it just. doesnt feel true like it feels unique and special every time its so strange. death note is a story its pretty good its silly its fun its camp its suspenseful like i can acknowledge these things to be true in a normal way but it is also the most important thing on earth to me right now and i need everyone else to know all of the time. its enormous in my mind its radius expands to so many other Important Things to the extent that whether its actually objectively good or significant i could not tell you right now because it is eclipsing my entire mind. i can talk abt its objective value and significance all day but it does not matter bcz i will not stop being able to think about it regardless. fuck man. being autistic is crazy. my most consistent hobby is being in the throws of obsession. also the way im phrasing this sounds like its distressing me but i love it i love being in the throws of obsession i love it every single time it happens i just love it so intensely that the idea of it having less significance to me or to others than it has right now seems incredibly strange. what do other ppl even get out of watching tv shows and reading books if not this. i need to relax i need some coffee

[dexaroth]

erm. talking abt steven universe. thoughts. yknow the.. Drill. teehehe

ok so i spent the last. 4? days binge-watching su after watching a yt vid that was titled 'in defense of steven universe' and a bit of the followup vid partly bc i was healing from my neck pain but also because i was super into the show when i was like 14 and like. the vids were well. Defending su from the 3 vids with millions of views that changed the whole overall opinion on the show and i was like damn! i vaguely remember watching something and changing my mind about su.. and probably getting bullied for liking su on google plus too lol.

its.. old enough to be nostalgic and worth of a revisit! after all i remember it being so nice and chill..! and cozy.. oh how i missed the piano song after each episode... that SOMEHOW kept being replaced by erm.. Not Better ones. and i remember that very much!

what i dont remember exactly was the capital D Discourse but i remember it was a thing. there were vids that, looking back, i cant tell if they were ironic? talking about oh gee whee steeveni forgave the war criminals! theyre nazis how could he! and and and..... . good lird.

i kinda wanted to talk abt this bc its just so.. idiotic. ive watched up until season 5 and i just finished the movie and holy shit what kind of brain worm got into peoples mind to take su so fucking seriously

it just. it was such a big thing. everyone up in arms about it. about a...

kids show.

i dont say that lightly because there are so many interests of mine that are considered childish but are complex and engaging if people didnt overlook it so much but.. this? seriously? this was what it was all about?

its fun. and cheesy and goofy. there were some parts that i went Oh Cmon! but like, its a cmon in a funny way. like yeah this could have been done better but its. a kids show. and a lot of episodes just end when theyre about to get good because of the limited time they have...

its so weird. This. is what all that was for. and thats just the usual me not knowing about anything popular nowadays besides hearing the news of when someone involved in the show was harassed off twitter or something.. and all the discourse back then of course. for this.

i dont knoww how to put this into words its so ridiculoussss

every day that passes i start to hate fandom even more.. that word already irritates me but the extent to which people elevate things. take things so out of context. bend everything to their will to the point of being unrecognizable. W H Y what do you get from this

its fucking steven universe this is such a cute show and its even better than i remember it being and that was the fucking reception it got..? for this..? ..insane. fetid even. and to think their poison got to me when i was that young.. how many people did to have this kind of rot spread to them. no wonder i have shame issues when this is the kind of reaction thats just completely expected of everyone. fucking hell

the (um. spoilers. ) diamonds being like ohhh steeviinn let us adore you!! aueough we spent like 7 episodes trying different types of nukes on you but were friends now!! is like haha thats cute. a bit rushed and cheesy but in a fun way. and people Lost Their SHIT about it good LORD how are they not cramming shakespeare into the gem cartoon! how come theyre not discussing how rose fucked that old man or whatever the fuck. we must put rebeccas head on a spike for this! //*banging onthis post hello??? is anyobyd thewre?? helppp

[knifesxedge]

hi love im deep in ur art blog for reasons and im SO in love with the fact that ur ghoul has his OWN nickname tattooed on him in party's writing they are SO 🥺 was wondering if you wanted to talk a bit more abt ghouls tattoos??? theyre just SO gorgeous and intricately laid out

HI i LOVE u i am KISSING u i would love love love to talk about ghoul’s tattoos 🥺❤️

^ yeah ghoul & party have each other’s handwriting tattooed!! for party it’s one of the only tattoos they have & it’s right over their heart (im sure ive mentioned this fact before but idk if ive explicitly noted that it says ‘sunshine’) and ghoul didn’t have the space to put his right over his heart because poison’s kj symbol is there so his is on his upper arm (they ARE soooooooo 🥺 i love them)

ghoul’s tattoos are a healthy mix of sentimental ink and things he just thought were beautiful. when he met the rest of the four he didn’t have THAT many tattoos because 1. he was 14 2. he’d only been in the zones for a little under a year and a half at that point but the ones he DID have (aka his oldest tattoos) were his knuckle tattoos (‘freed’ and ‘fuck’ what can i say he was 13), the big raven on his upper shoulder and neck (he started believing in the witch very early compared to other cityborns but yeah that tattoo was both a way of symbolizing his devotion to the witch and a way of marking himself as a killjoy/shedding his past in the city in the way that he considered clearest), the fangs on his hand, two bats on his leg, the zombie bite on the other side of his neck (i could get a little more into this but BASICALLY ghoul being an ex-crow trainee + a cityborn + being the only surviving member of his first crew had a problem with feeling inhuman and a lot of survivor’s guilt and so he really. idk he connected a lot with zombies & frankenstein’s monster and ghosts & the like when he was a runner for dr. d post-his crew’s deaths. he got better about Seeing Himself as a Person especially once kobra + the other two showed up but the fascination remained) (also not tattoo-related but that’s when he chose his name. before that he’d been called ‘sandpup’ by his old crew & he never had a chance to tell them before they passed but he really loved that they used that as a name for him especially with how much he didn’t want to associate himself with the city) (ghoul had A Lot of issues but the difference there is that he worked thru them a lot earlier than the rest of the four) and “I FORGIVE U” on the back of his neck (in remembrance of said former crew).

umm along with that kind of fascination with the undead/feeling that kind of connection are the frankenstein stitches on his wrists (tho thats more of a common hc) and he has this pretty big tattoo of abstracted bones following his vertebrae down his throat and chest that he’s gotten expanded/fixed/touched up over the years. ik i do a lot of b&w doodles but i feel like i’ve been kind of inconsistent about coloring (most of his tattoos are color). pretty sure ive mostly drawn them in green (???) but in my head they’re like a faded light blue using natural skin tone as highlights.

his more sentimental tattoos…let me see if i can outline them here. this might not be exhaustive but i will do my best to list what ive figured out at least thus far:

the two little bats on his right thigh are for his grandmother and little sister. his sister (juliet adele fujikawa, b. april 2009 d. december 2014) was killed in a car crash shortly before he left the city, and likewise, his grandmother (charlotte fujikawa [藤川 千尋] b. june 1936 d. december 2014) was “moved to retirement housing” at about the same time. that was pretty much the last straw & ghoul left battery city within the week

there’s his crewmates’ symbols on his chest (in order from his right to left: kobra, jet, party) (gotten when their crew had been together for a while. dating this one is based on a couple things: 1. ghoul had been with them for long enough that he felt secure 2. poison and ghoul were friends by this point, or else he wouldn’t have included their symbol and 3. poison’s is over his heart so you can read into that as you will)

text from the graffiti bible on his right calf, as protection for his crew & as a reminder of one of his former friends who was a droid that believed very strongly in destroya’s return

his raygun on his chest (he was pretty proud of the design! this was when he was ~15 or 16) that he had poison’s added to post-sing post-engagement pre-commitment ceremony (so. september 2023) (yes i have my handwritten timeline + my own drawings + my fics out in front of me rn cross-referencing sldkdksksbx!)

one of the girl’s childhood drawings (one she drew of him & her & the stuffed animal he made for her when she was a baby all having a tea party together) from when she’s about 5 or so on his right hip (december 2022 or so)

shooting stars on his upper right shoulder, partially because they’re pretty and blend well with his other tattoos and partially because they’re a reminder of a lot of things, including but not limited to his first night out in the zones seeing the stars for the first time, stories his grandma used to tell him, and right when he’d first joined the fab four and him & kobra sat on the roof during a meteor shower

besides the other one i already mentioned ^ he has more of poison’s handwriting on his left inner forearm — this is also one ive mentioned before but once they’ve been in a relationship for a while they get into the habit of leaving little love notes around for each other! there’s nothing particularly special specifically about the one he got tattooed, besides the fact that it reminded him of poison and they love each other. the text in full (which i don’t think ive ever put anywhere, though im pretty sure ive put fragments of it in fics and art) is as follows:

Good Morning baby <3! I needed new paints, went on a run. Kobra has the Girl @ the Crash Track, Jet’s at the station. call me when you wake up! I love you, be back soon. XO Party <3

he also has the anniversaries of when they started dating and their commitment ceremony (03•03•21 and 10•26•23 respectively) on the inside of his right wrist ^ !

he’s got a snake wrapping around his left leg that kobra picked out and a hand of cards with the ace of spades face up that jet picked out (and these ofc are because they remind him of his crewmates!!)

he has the phoenix witch tattooed on his ribs, left side, styled vaguely after catholic saints (since that imagery can still be found in the inner zones & especially where ‘joys who still practice that religion gather!)

there’s a version of the eye from the mailbox on his right shoulder, and this one is also a sort of symbol of protection/good luck, to show devotion to the witch and to help protect himself and his crew

the constellation libra on his left forearm! this one was done a little while after he started running transmissions and supplies for dr. d! he liked the connection that astrology — whether he believed in the practice or not is up for debate — gave people to the stars, and the feeling that he had a place in the universe, predestined or not

after charlie is born, he gets a portrait of her (~age 4) with her name and birthday underneath done on his left thigh! (~2036)

and on his lower back, he has a fairly simple tattoo of two crows on a wire with their beaks pressed together (aughhhhhh romance) that he gets done as an anniversary surprise for their 10-year (so. 2033)!

his non-sentimental tattoos are largely based off of images from books, either from dr. d’s collection when he was working as a runner for him or from cherri’s after he joined up with the fab four, or else they’re naturally occurring in the zones!! this includes but is not limited to: california golden poppies on the back of his left shoulder, strawberries around his left bicep (he doesn’t ever have a strawberry until he’s like 35, this one is absolutely based off of a particularly pretty illustration), a thundercloud with lightning on his left elbow, a moon on his right inner bicep, a ring of thorns around his right forearm right under the elbow, a dagger on his inner left calf, and a sun, small bat, cross, rose, ribbon (with the word ‘faith’ in script), and wing on his right forearm and hand, all picked from flash sheets

so yeah! that’s about everything i have to say about ghoul’s tattoos atm but ty ty ty sm for letting me ramble abt them i think about his tattoos so much 😔❤️

[the-bjd-community-confess]

More Divaz confos

Mod: Round two of these, previously: link. There’s some interesting customer reviews in this batch (5 and 8) which may be useful to readers.

1.Vic3mage "the secret bjdivaz vip group is just pictures of boxes coming in and going out". Yeah, between the bitching about d0llshe, asking people to post on doa for them, dunking on ex-customers, posting pics of random doll parts that they can't identify which doll they're supposed to go with, whining about how little money they make, whining when ppl e-mail them, whining. Yeah, other than that it's just boxes, and alpacas u can buy off amazon anyway lol.

~Anonymous

2.The butthurt users crying and guilttripping under every Divaz confession who have never been seen before elsewhere on this blog are extremely unsuspicious and unproblematic and definitely unconnected to Divaz and unbiased in every possible way

/s

~Anonymous

3.idk shit abt bjd1vas but v1cemage i can absolutely tell you the shit about ch0o is 100% accurate, fucker's got a long, long history of being an awful little man that stretches well beyond his involvement in the doll community. between the two i'd still trust bjd1vas over ch00 ch00 the fool any day!

~Anonymous

4.The Z3st and Div4s thing is really silly and both entities were being shady but did they really have to take the DZ waiting room down with them? :( He had even made a separate thread about it......

~Anonymous 

5. RE: BJD Divaz

I’ve been a customer of BJD Divaz since they first started, when it was only run by Chart3rline. I even contacted other BJD companies trying to persuade them to work with Divaz as their US representative. Most declined because they didnt like D's commission fee, but I was able to persuade a few of them.

I asked them to purchase a doll off DOA because I couldnt afford the asking price, and while they did, I found out later that instead of agreeing to purchase the seller's price, they negotiated the price to be lower. This significantly cheaper price was not passed down to me. I paid the full price +the commission fee based on that full price. I am disappointed I was not told this. This is when I stopped viewing them as a "friend" and instead, as a business. I dont hold this against them, it’s context to what Im going to say later.

I’ve stopped purchasing from D after my recent order from them. This company usually takes 3 or less months to make a doll. I’ve ordered the doll from D and it took 11 months. They let me know it arrived to them in March and that it will be shipped soon, except it only shipped on July, and only after I sent them several "reminder" emails. Before people in the comments try to put the blame on me for not sending a reminder soon, please keep in mind that I acknowledged the email in March and confirmed everything and they keep stressing to not send them emails because they are busy, I’ve emailed once every month since. I’ve since switched to ACBJD and Ive been happy with communication and the dolls ordered. I imagine ACBJD gets the same amount of emails, but they dont berate their customers if they email more than once.

I regret when people wanted a D0llshe, but not deal with him, I always recommended D. I would warn people of ordering directly and instead go through D. They assured buyers they would be handling communication and all the efforts so they wouldnt worry, except they didn’t. A person that I’ve recommended D to, who surpassed 2 years, keeps messaging me for help because D wouldnt reply to their emails. She is respectful, sweet and a timid person, not a Karen. This person, emailed D without a reply so would email a week later, only to be told that their email would be pushed down to the bottom if emailed again. No response, so she goes to FB and IG, who both tell her to email because they arent the person running orders. Finally got a response that they would get their refund, after D0llshe sends D's payment, but minus the PP fees. 3 months later and theres no refund, only a promise of them getting it later. Why is the customer missing out on fees when they have no doll? Customer emails d0llshe and he says he cant offer refund, because they didn’t order through them, which is understandable, but when all options are out for a customer, do you blame them for chargebacks?

If anyone files a chargeback, D will be blacklisting them from every company they rep, as in blacklisting you from buying direct from those companies. I urge everyone who has negative experiences with D to email the companies they rep instead of venting on confession blogs, and writing your experiences on social media. Make it count and send letters to the companies they represent, and please provide proof because they will try to make you out to be a liar.

Speaking of, they made vague posts on cl0ver singing for charging paypal fees, and that they offer guarantees as an official dealer, except when offering refunds, to non delivered products I might add, they are keeping the fees, and offered no help with d0llshe, even before they ended their dealership with them. Someone on DOA was told to not email them unless the wait time surpassed 1.5 years. They are even so petty that they post screenshots with the full name and address (dox) of the customer on purpose and then delete it out a day later as if they just realized their "mistake".

Before you try to make excuses for them about the fires, keep in mind, I am dealing with a business. The lower price negotiation with the DOA sale, I am in no way obligated to give them a pass or treat them as a friend when they made it clear that our relationship is strictly business. Their issues, are not my issues. D0lk got dragged for not shipping in time, others, including artisans, got dragged for being so late with communication and sending back refunds for cancelled orders. Why does D get to be exempt?

The supporters are the worst part of this, because of instead of being honest so D can improve, they support them for being "real". For example, look how micemage words it, to make it seem like this criticism is from one person, when there are people on addicts who didn’t have good experience. Check the bjd dealers tag here, you will see the supporters in the comments going off on any and all criticism of D. Some have sane comments, but the majority are cult like and try to identify the person venting as if it’s one person. Addicts deletes threads with criticism asking people to instead direct it to their feedback group; which lets be honest, no one is going to do because its "not that bad", and most dont want to join a new group, which is mostly dead.

This is my first and last confession on D, I’ve emailed each company they rep and told them my experience as well as contacting the 3 month wait company, with screenshots of my order, how they handled it, and the excuse they used to put blame on the company for being so late (package arrived march to D, 4 months to be shipped is on D, not the company). I’m not using company or order details because I know they are petty enough to try to identify me and publicly shame me like they have to others. This and the threat of suing is why not many people like to go public with their experience. They just keep feedback neutral, move on and never deal with again.

~Anonymous

6. Listen, I can't take you seriously in regards to BJD!vas because you're posting on a confession blog. If you were serious, you would have posted in buyer beware groups, DoA reviews or the board to get things resolved, or you would have made a complaint to the BBB. And your language makes you come off more as someone with an agenda rather than someone who is trying to warn people. If shipping is the issue, stop buying with standard shipping and pay the extra price for express shipping. I saw one of you complain that it sat with them for 20 days; that's probably because you're not the only one and they more than likely have a queue to check and then ship out. Do mistakes happen? Yes, because we're human. I've been in this hobby for a few years now and it seems like most people know you're going to have to wait, sometimes even outside the expected wait time. And shipping something as big as a doll is a timely endeavor. I shouldn't have to say that.

My point is simply to stop complaining on an confession board and either take it to the places previously mentioned. Posting here behind the anonymous mask makes you sound like a petulant child who didn't get their way right away.

~Anonymous

7.My only issue with BJD Divaz is how I never get any updates. Every email, they tell me to join their facebook page for status updates. I dont have a FB and I dont want to create one. I bought my doll through their website, updates should be posted on their website, or they could send me an email. That isnt asking much.

~Anonymous

8. Since there seems to be a lot of either "completely negative everything sucks" or "everything was sunshine and rainbows" confessions about bjd!vaz I thought I'd chime in with a neutral review.

PROS

-They were always polite and professional in their emails, and gave me very detailed answers to my questions.

-I got exactly what I ordered, so no mix ups or missing parts or anything like that.

-I think them being forthcoming about personal issues (only one person on staff, illness, the flooding isue etc.) on social media is good, since it keeps customers updated as to why there might be delays.

-If you live in the US their shipping is very reasonable.

CONS

-Reply times were varied. Sometimes it could take over a week, sometimes a couple hours.

-My order took about 10mo which, when comparing to other people who ordered through the same company around the same time, was about 3x as long as if I bought it direct and 2x as long if I had gone through a different dealer. I get some of the waiting time is out of their control, but it was kind of ridiculous.

-They dont necessarily ship the same day they send you a tracking number. I wish they said something like, "Here's your tracking number, our pickup is Xday so it should start moving after that" just so I could be aware.

All in all no major complaints. I got my doll and all that. Their lone employee is clearly overwhelmed. I hope they hire another person, if only to give the one a break.

Truthfully, I most likely won't buy through them again. I'd rather pay the international shipping and go direct, than deal with the extensive wait time. I'd still recommend them to someone looking for a very long layaway, though. I paid in full, but if I had a 12mo layaway I would've never known they weren't ready to ship my doll until month 10.

~Anonymous

[superangsty]

👉🏼👈🏼 ive been fixating on spirk lately and would like to talk abt it, if you were being sincere in your tags

fsdgfh honestly when I want to talk about something it’s mostly just me SCREAMING bc that SCENE man that SCENE. Like, the rest of STID is garbage especially when they brought Kirk back with Khan’s blood like what was that??? Why did they do that?? Also I feel like the first two films of AOS are really missing the whole crew being like a family and made it instead about a bunch of beautiful straight people having awkwardly written personal issues.

FIRST THINGS FIRST: required reading is of course Henry Jenkin's thing about The Glass. I tend to assume everyone has read it but if you haven't. Get on that. Here it is:

When I try to explain slash to non-fans, I often reference that moment in Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan where Spock is dying and Kirk stands there, a wall of glass separating the two longtime buddies. Both of them are reaching out towards each other, their hands pressed hard against the glass, trying to establish physical contact. They both have so much they want to say and so little time to say it. Spock calls Kirk his friend, the fullest expression of their feelings anywhere in the series. Almost everyone who watches the scene feels the passion the two men share, the hunger for something more than what they are allowed. And, I tell my nonfan listeners, slash is what happens when you take away the glass.

Anyway all I'm saying is that no matter what JJ Abrams thinks he CAN'T recreate WoK because he doesn't UNDERSTAND WoK at the necessary level.

But with regards to STID so like okay at a very basic level you've got two things which are 1) Spock having Big Feelings and 2) the knowledge that Vulcans kiss with their hands and these two things on their own were enough to make 14 year old me watching it in the cinema for the first time feel ABSOLUTELY INSANE like for real I've been chasing that high ever since. And when Spock starts screaming? That's the Good Shit. 

Also sidenote there's this theme park nearby (ish) called Thorpe Park and I went there on school trips a couple of times and there's a ride there called Rumba Rapids and the music they play in the queue is really not relevant but its fun and when I was 16 I suggested to my friends how much funnier films would be if it was playing during sad scenes so one time we watched STID and when we got to this scene we turned the volume down low and the rumba rapids music up high. Not relevant to this post, but I just Unlocked that memory while I was thinking about this and I wanted to share.

Just gonna preface this by saying that Spock's death in WoK is obviously a lot more compelling than Kirk's in STID because in AOS JJ Abrams has this obsession with making Kirk the big hero who's so amazing and brilliant and is carrying the entire world on his shoulders so of Course he would give up his life to save the ship (and when you think of the parallels w his father doing the same it becomes even more about him trying to live up to his father's reputation and idk! I feel like it cheapens the sentiment!). Meanwhile the original films they'd moved past TOS's kirk-centric vibe and it was about the crew working together bc they're a family and it's about Spock! Who'd run away to try and escape all these feelings that had come from the enterprise! And it's like yes he can explain his decision with the 'needs of the many' logic but at the end of the day he is doing this to save the people he loves and EVERYONE knows it.

One thing I will say in STID's favour is that the lead-up to this scene with the repetition of the "Better get down here. Better hurry." line from WoK is excellent mostly because Quinto is a much better actor than Shatner and you can see how INSTANTLY he understands it's to do w Kirk as opposed to Shatner looking over at Spock's empty chair and being like huh. Wots all this then. Also I like the way Quinto Spock runs I think it's funny :)

The next part when Scotty's like blah blah decontamination whatever after Spock asks him to open the door like sure okay I can get behind Spock being so overwhelmed that his common sense flies out the window but what I DON’T like is that it's only them down there. Where is the Drama of the entire engineering department watching Kirk have a meltdown over his best friend dying? Where's Kirk needing to be held back by three people because he's so desperate to get to Spock? Where's Scotty saying 'he's dead already' and the life just DRAINING out of Kirk? In STID it's just like "open the door." "can't do that." "yeah okay whatever."

NEXT BIT: Their dying conversation. In WoK Kirk and Spock have known each other most of their lives. They don't need to say much bc they just Understand each otherand you see that! When Kirk is finishing Spock's sentence and when Spock says "I have been and always shall be your friend" which seems a lot more meaningful than STID Kirk and Spock going "I want you to know why I went back for you" "Because you are my friend" and yeah it still HURTS but it's like. They don't have the history they don't have that enduring kinda love they just have a couple of years of being vaguely passive aggressive towards each other and it's still nice for Spock to realise like oh this is friends! This is a friendship! But Kirk's death just doesn't seem as tragic!!!

That being said. There ARE some raw lines there like "I'm scared Spock. Help me not to be. How do you choose not to feel?" "I do not know. Right now I am failing." Like that's IT that's the GOOD SHIT it's been nearly 8 years and I still think about it all the time. And again I can't say much for Chris Pine but Zachary Quinto's acting is MILES ahead of Shatner's and the crying! Spock crying! It's So Much!!!!!!!! And I like the music. I like the long shot of their hands meeting between the glass. It's very cinematic which while missing the campiness of WoK has it's own charm.

I like in WoK when Spock dies and Kirk slumps like he's lost every last bit of energy he had, like he's dying too, however I ALSO very much like in STID when Spock just fucking. Screams. And then goes and runs on a train and beats up Benedict Cumberbatch. I feel like it's fitting that Kirk dying kinda untethers him and lets him just absolutely lose his shit. I love seeing men beat each other up.

This has gone on much too long. Sorry I guess it just turns out I have Thoughts and this is probably barely skimming the surface but it's 9am on a Thursday and I have class in an hour but I've been sitting here rewatching the scenes and typing out this rant. As I said I really don't think I have anything original to say but like. Here ya go babe

[dickpuncher420]

author interview tag

i was tagged by @klabautermanns thank u fam

name: ambre or dickpuncher or miss dickpuncher

fandoms: exclusively zukka for the past ~5 years lmao. theres some old fics from a couple old fandoms still on my ao3 tho

where you post: ao3, but i also crosspost onto ffnet for the like 3 people in the world who still use it

most popular one-shot: i would say fumbling towards ecstasy but technically that has 2 chapters so i’ll go w love language instead. still kinda flabbergasted by the response to that one

most popular multi-chapter fic: fumbling towards ecstasy only wins by a technicality, also bc i only have one other actual multichap fic

favourite story you’ve written so far: ooh this ones tough. i rlly like how love language came out, and kmjtsmu is really fun to write, but i honestly might have to go w sunday morning. i had a very specific tone and vibe that i wanted to express w that fic and i think i kinda nailed it. i end up rereading it a lot just for shits

fic you were nervous to post: kiss me just to shut me up. i’ve never written a real multichapter fic before so this was a new experience, and i was rlly worried abt things like update schedules and the possibility of me abandoning it partway thru (which i do a lot w one shots. i have so many half dead wips. rip)

how you choose your titles: half of the time it’s a lyric from a song that i think matches the vibe of the fic, and the other half its just. idk. trying to come up w something fitting but also kinda witty. fumbling towards ecstasy is the exception in that its the name of a ballet i saw once.

do you outline?: only sometimes, and usually quite vaguely. i like to write down the ideas i have for each scene and generally what happens in it, but dont go super detailed and leave a lot of it up to when im actually writing. i also like to write down any specific lines of dialogue that i want to include in the scene

complete: all of them except for kmjtsmu

in progress: kmjtsmu, obviously. but i also have a post-canon longfic that ive been chipping away at kind of on and off since 2018. who knows when thatll ever get finished tho

coming soon: the last 3 chapters of kmjtsmu are my priority at the moment. i cant guarantee anything other than that

do you accept prompts?: nope

upcoming story you’re the most excited to write?: i wouldnt call it an upcoming story bc theres rlly not much of it except for a vague outline, but its an ambassador sokka fic that focuses on sokka’s difficulty adjusting to life in the fire nation. i see a lot of fic abt zuko having a rough time as fire lord and sokka caring for him, but not much of the other way around

upcoming story you’re most excited about?: hrm. i dont read a ton of wips bc i cant keep them all straight in my head (i have so many in my marked for later that im waiting to start once theyre complete) buuut im rlly looking forward to updates from feels like we only go backwards, do you take this jerk to be (your one and only), The Prince’s Guard, and i’ll do anything you say (if you say it with your hands), Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dumbasses, Unchained Melody, Epistles, and At the Top of the World. ive also been hearing talk abt a zukka big bang? so im looking forward to those being posted

tagging: @azenkii @oldpotatoe @quenchyest @dykefirelord @mavy1 @engagedzukka @this-lady-of-the-flowers if youve already been tagged i apologize

[armsdealing]

NAME: alex NICKNAME: alex AGE: fucken old FACE CLAIM: idk. i use icons from whichever icon folder i have nearest. usually just marcelo icons. sometimes alfonso herrera. PRONOUNS: he. HEIGHT: five eleven... last time i checked. BIRTHDAY: december 21.

AESTHETIC: urban magical realism. criminal urban fantasy. idk, i could say more but those terms sum it pretty well. a mix of nitty gritty realistic criminal themes with some magic, ranging from maybe-magic-maybe-mundane vague fantastic elements to some definitely-magic stuff.

LAST SONG YOU LISTENED TO: i honestly dont rmr

FAVORITE MUSE ( S ) YOU’VE WRITTEN: honestly i have many fav muses that ive written though like ive been doing this for years and if i still write a character it means i love them, straight up, im not gonna let em go. i suppose i could just say that charles is my fav because of how old he is and marcelo is my current fave because of how much i enjoy developing him, but i’ve cycled through phases where ive developed some characters more than others, to the point i stop talking abt “characters” and start talking about their families. i developed the deranes and then the becketts and then the klaus-kovac and then the burakgazis and right now i’m developing the reyes. but i also really love other characters not necessarily affiliated to any family like red and janus. and some characters whose families are also significant but not as developed like jerome and margo’s. idk, i really love them all but sure my favs will always be charles and marcelo because they’ve helped me understand parts of myself and express them as i’ve grown. 

WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO TAKE ON YOUR CURRENT MUSE ( THAT YOU ARE POSTING THIS ON ): what inspired me to write these characters is diverse and not tied to a single reason. it might just be something i read or watched or listened sprinkled with something ive lived. i pour out a lot of my experiences into my characters but not all of them have my experiences, some of them are drastically different from me but still to some degree click with me. marcelo right now for example was just a joke character at first, but i started adding to it to the point i wanted him to be a whole thing. i wanted to make the antithesis to other characters i had until that point including charles. i wanted someone who was not afraid to love or want love and who was completely open about that.

WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE ASPECTS OF YOUR CURRENT MUSE: definitely the last thing i just mentioned. it’s kind of refreshing. ive written all kinds of characters and ive definitely written loving, open, affectionate characters before but not the degree marcelo is, or quite the same as marcelo. 

WHAT’S YOUR BIGGEST INSPIRATION WHEN IT COMES TO WRITING: sometimes it can be as simple as looking at my ocs fc, sometimes its a song or something i watch or read. sometimes its just going back and forth and talking about them with people. a lot of the shit i come up with i didnt come up with on the spot, i might have vaguely mentioned it to someone and then gone like “huh, that’d be cool” and proceeded to actually make something out of it!

right now for marce im just inspired by “latinidad” and everything it represents. same for all my latin characters in general. everything about what means to be latino on every level is something that’s very inspiring for me. how different it is to be latino than to be european and american or whatever else and the culture, the music, the general way to go about things, the way they think and things they’ve lived through. just the identity, really. it’s something i hope is noticeable in these characters, the reyes and all my other latino characters. 

FAVORITE TYPES OF THREADS: all threads are good with me. i especially love threads with a purpose though, whatever that purpose is. something that will be looked back on and possibly referenced in the future. things that break from the norm -- like if a dynamic is mostly happy, a tense or dramatic thread; similarly if a dynamic is mostly tense, something light-hearted as well. threads where characters genuinely talk and express their feelings or act on them. you know, any kind of interaction where you feel like you ended up not the same as how you started them, in terms of the relationship or even with the character themselves.

BIGGEST STRUGGLE IN REGARDS TO YOUR CURRENT MUSE: i’m always learning and finding out new things about these characters and there’s still plenty of things to develop and research, which is both good and bad, but more good than bad imho.

tagged by: @futurehalted tagging: @maternalmelancholy / @overlourdes / @neotropical / @floralege / @chingcna  (do avery) / @falsedking / @thefirstwcman / @brutlist

[ear]

so... then what would you do to change kakuzu as a character?

HEHE WELL gonna talk about what we couldve done with his character and development first. first of all, and i say this all the time, he should NOT HAVE DIED... like. he fought what was basically a suicide mission to kill hashirama the GOD of shinobi??? without earth grudge fear and SURVIVED, got betrayed by his village and stole the hearts of the elders, has 80+ years of experience as a shinobi and s rank missing nin, and kakashi and his teams just comes along and murks his ass ? in like no time flat which is FUUUCKED up first of all. if ANYTHING kakuzu should have been given redemption ...... he was willing to die for his village and when he came back alive, we was thrown in prison and had his trust betrayed so he killed for revenge.......... i can SMELL one of narutos speeches all over the place.... *kakuzu voice* my village betrayed my trust and punished me when i needed them most so i killed the village elders and defected to free myself from the broken system of the state *naruto voice* HES KINDA SORTA LIKE ME.. [swing flashback]

u shld also read this post abt him because i agree with ALL OF IT 

the fight should have either ended with naruto giving this long drawn out ten minute speech about how kakuzu could be redeemed and that theyre friends and all that or kakuzu puts kakashi ten feet underground and uses his heart for one of his masks like. forreal kakashi just bores me now

as for what i would do change kakuzu as a character........hum......... i dont think i would do anything to him to be honest....... i love everything about him... his drive, his characteristics, his personality..... hes just. sexy like that i dont know what else i could do....... i do wish they couldve given us more lore about him.. like all we know vaguely is that he fought hashirama got betrayed killed elders all that and thats like. it......... what was he like during his time as a taki shinobi... was he still the same personality wise?? was he a funny guy with a bunch of close friends???? did he have a family? LIKE I HAVE SOOO MANY QUESTIONS...... DOES HE HAVE A LAST NAME? is he from a clan? jesus christ yknow! ive already invented a bunch of family history/name lore for him so it doesnt rlly matter to me that much anymore but like. he was such a cool character and as much as i find the whole ‘dark hidden past’ trope i think it wouldve been COOLER, in his case at least, that we were given more information..... u cant just throw a sexy shady character like him in and NOT expect people to want to know more aobut him.... 

i could have probably written this with more sense but like. im not thinking straight right now so. here...............................hm......

[peaceofpuregold-blog]

Does Petyr Baelish Have PTSD?

@liitlefinger got me thinking with this:

Hmm I was thinking abt this last night and obviously Petyr has so much trauma from what happened to him as a kid but does he have like? A PTSD?

I have a tiny (really just a smidgen) amount of education and training on PTSD and other conditions listed in the DSM-V. Enough to have a .pdf of the thing I nearly forgot was on my computer. Thank goodness, because my copy of the text is nearly 1,000 pages long-ish.

With his consent, I’ve offered to go through the criteria in what I think will be my very first ASOIAF Meta©™®.

Caveat: I am not the type of professional who is legally able to make a proper diagnosis of any kind.

Background: to put it vaguely as possible (as I still prize my anonymity) my day job is working with a very vulnerable population, those with a variety of disabilities although I specialize in particular those with Intellectual Disability and/or Pervasive Developmental Disorder. I have helped those with other conditions, or those that have other conditions in addition to the ones I specialize in. I started out with children, but have moved on to adults, specifically those of 21 year of age and older. We are trained how to spot potential additional conditions and direct them to the specialists who can diagnose them and then we coordinate together to figure out how to help them receive the prescribed treatment post-diagnosis.

Now! On with the criteria! I’ve simplified it a bit, but I’m going to go through each one with what quotes from ASOIAF I can find and with the tiniest bit of generalizing, please feel free to take the latter with a boulder of salt. DSM bits will be italicized.

Posttraumatic Stress Disorder

Note: The following criteria apply to adults, adolescents, and children older than 6 years. For children 6 years and younger, see corresponding criteria below.

Sweet! I found the right page. For reference:

He had a little pointed chin beard now, and threads of silver in his dark hair, though he was still shy of thirty.

-GOT Catelyn IV

A. Exposure to actual or threatened death, serious injury, or sexual violence in one (or more) of the following ways:

1. Directly experiencing the traumatic event(s).

Yup. Multiple events at that.

Brandon was a man grown, and he drove Littlefinger all the way across the bailey and down the water stair, raining steel on him with every step, until the boy was staggering and bleeding from a dozen wounds. “Yield!” he called, more than once, but Petyr would only shake his head and fight on, grimly. When the river was lapping at their ankles, Brandon finally ended it, with a brutal backhand cut that bit through Petyr’s rings and leather into the soft flesh below the ribs, so deep that Catelyn was certain that the wound was mortal. He looked at her as he fell and murmured “Cat” as the bright blood came flowing out between his mailed fingers. She thought she had forgotten that.

-GOT Catelyn VII

“That was the night I stole up to his bed to give him comfort. I bled, but it was the sweetest hurt. He told me he loved me then, but he called me Cat, just before he fell back to sleep. Even so, I stayed with him until the sky began to lighten.”

-ASOS Sansa VII, Lysa

A fortnight passed before Littlefinger was strong enough to leave Riverrun, but her lord father forbade her to visit him in the tower where he lay abed. Lysa helped their maester nurse him; she had been softer and shyer in those days… As soon as he was strong enough to be moved, Lord Hoster Tully sent Petyr Baelish away in a closed litter, to finish his healing on the Fingers, upon the windswept jut of rock where he’d been born.

-GOT Catelyn VII

NB: In my non-professional opinion, I do not consider the actual betrothal to Brandon Stark to be a traumatic event. Please feel free to correct me, but I couldn’t find anything in the text to support this, but of course I may have missed something. I see obviously some grief, disappointment, and sadness. Considering the situation and his prior feelings toward Cat, I did not find any of these emotions expressed to be of a disturbed amount or manner. Please take this opinion with a hefty grain of salt and do not hesitate to correct me if I’m wrong.

2. Witnessing, in person, the event(s) as it occurred to others.

Nope.

3. Learning that the traumatic event(s) occurred to a close family member or close friend. In cases of actual or threatened death of a family member or friend, the event(s) must have been violent or accidental.

Nuh-uh.

4. Experiencing repeated or extreme exposure to aversive details of the traumatic event(s).

It is known that he has several brothels, where Littlefinger may serve folks of unusual tastes (at least per the show, as of writing this I couldn’t find evidence of it in A Search of Ice and Fire and a brief perusal of the text) which includes those that by simply the nature of their age cannot consent, let alone his own prostitutes where we may deal with anything from enthusiastic consent (I’m not going to knock the legitimate sex workers out there that take good care of themselves and only go through with consenting transactions. They happen, but I get the feeling and have read evidence of it rarely. Still, I’m one of the weird ones who have talked to a few of the healthy ones on my own time with no sign of psychological stress as I saw it or signs of attempting to lie… and a number of not healthy ones due to where I’m employed.), to dubious, to outright not consenting.

Nevertheless this criteria has been met!

B. Presence of one (or more) of the following intrusion symptoms associated with the traumatic event(s), beginning after the traumatic event(s) occurred:

1. Recurrent, involuntary, and intrusive distressing memories of the traumatic event(s).

2. Recurrent distressing dreams in which the content and/or affect of the dream are related to the traumatic event(s). Note: In children, there may be frightening dreams without recognizable content.

3. Dissociative reactions  in which the individual feels or acts as if the traumatic event(s) were recurring.

4. Intense or prolonged psychological distress at exposure to internal or external cues that symbolize or resemble an aspect of the traumatic event(s).

5. Marked physiological reactions to internal or external cues that symbolize or resemble an aspect of the traumatic event(s).

Unfortunately, all the above requires us to have an interview or be treating the individual we may be making this diagnosis for, or requires insight into the individual’s thoughts.

Say… like… maaayyybbbeee… in a POV chapter in this case.

Eh? Eh? GRRM? … Please?

Or he could somehow express these feelings to Sansa. I can’t think of anyone else he’d say them to. Then again, this could just be wishful thinking.

“Littlefinger is the second most devious man in the Seven Kingdoms.”

-GOT Eddard XV, Varys

Either way, unable to determine if criteria had been met at this time.

C. Persistent avoidance of stimuli associated with the traumatic event(s), beginning after the traumatic event(s) occurred, as evidenced by one or both of the following:

1. Avoidance of or efforts to avoid distressing memories, thoughts, or feelings about or closely associated with the traumatic event(s).

2. Avoidance of or efforts to avoid external reminders (people, places, conversations, activities, objects, situations) that arouse distressing memories, thoughts, or feelings about or closely associated with the traumatic event(s).

See the above. Unable to determine if if the criteria has been met. But I think we can rule out C2.

“My lords, with your leave, I propose to travel to the Vale and there woo and win Lady Lysa Arryn. Once I am her consort, I shall deliver you the Vale of Arryn without a drop of blood being spilled.”

-ASOS Tyrion III, Petyr Baelish

D. Negative alterations in cognitions and mood associated with the traumatic event(s), beginning or worsening after the traumatic event(s) occurred, as evidenced by two (or more) of the following:

1. Inability to remember an important aspect of the traumatic event(s) (typically due to dissociative amnesia and not to other factors such as head injury, alcohol, or drugs).

The text implies Petyr was indeed drunk when raped by Lysa, therefore does not qualify as he believes he had Cat in his bed that night.

“He looked so wounded I thought my heart would burst, and afterward he drank until he passed out at the table. Uncle Brynden carried him up to bed before my father could find him like that.”

-ASOS Sansa VII, Lysa

If they had any sex thereafter post his fight with Brandon, but before being forced back to The Fingers, I believe would be defined as dubious consent (I don’t know if she became pregnant after that single session). He probably had quite a lot of pain medication to deal with his wounds.

Once more, does not strictly qualify. The bragging he does many years later in King’s Landing about taking the maidenhead of both sisters confirms that he was so impaired on at least that first occasion that he does indeed believe he had sex with Catelyn. There are several examples, but I quite like this one from a narrative stand point,

“Littlefinger had you first, didn’t he?”

-ACOK Catelyn VII, Jaime Lannister

Could just be an excellent example of toxic masculinity. As for his cognitions in regards to his fight with Brandon Stark… More insight is needed.

2. Persistent and exaggerated negative beliefs or expectations about oneself, others, or the world.

3. Persistent, distorted cognitions about the cause or consequences of the traumatic event(s) that lead the individual to blame himself/herself or others.

4. Persistent negative emotional state.

5. Markedly diminished interest or participation in significant activities.

6. Feelings of detachment or estrangement from others.

7. Persistent inability to experience positive emotions.

I’m sure Petyr felt like shit when he was hauled away to his father’s land before he donned the mask of Littlefinger, but we need a POV or declaration to another character to be sure.

D2-D7 Unable to be determined at this time.

E. Marked alterations in arousal and reactivity associated with the traumatic event(s), beginning or worsening after the traumatic event(s) occurred, as evidenced by two (or more) of the following:

1. Irritable behavior and angry outbursts typically expressed as verbal or physical aggression toward people or objects.

Umm… Lysa would agree.

Lysa Arryn smiled tremulously. “Only one? Oh, Petyr, do you swear it? Only one?”

“Only Cat.” He gave her a short, sharp shove.

Lysa stumbled backward, her feet slipping on the wet marble. And then she was gone. She never screamed. For the longest time there was no sound but the wind.

-ASOS Sansa VII, Lysa and Petyr Baelish

I mean, she was trying to hurt Sansa, but I theorize that this cool and controlled as a cucumber colored cat dude did this much sooner than he had planned to.

Anything else needs more insight.

2. Reckless or self-destructive behavior.

Chaos is a ladder, anyone?

Wait… What? Is that just a show only thing?! Aww… man.

3. Hypervigilance.

Well, to not be while constructing and carrying out his plans would be expected. To a detrimental level we don’t have enough evidence for yet. Need to be in his head for that or see some symptoms from Sansa. I haven’t found any yet.

4. Exaggerated startle response.

I don’t see anything in the text to support this. Littlefinger has the affect, as I’ve mentioned before, of a cool cat. Cucumber cat.

5. Problems with concentration.

If Lord Baelish knew how to juggle he could do it blindfolded with a great number and variety of things of all shapes and sizes; some on fire, some sharp and pointy in a number of ways, while standing on a ball, doing the hula-hoop, and playing the 1812 Overture in its entirety on a kazoo.

Currently not supported by the text.

Except for the juggling bit.

A master juggler was Petyr Baelish.

-ACOK Tyrion IV

6. Sleep disturbance.

Need a POV or a sneaky Sansa.

Technically since for this section only two were needed to pass here. He is short of making it by one. He might satisfy more with further evidence, but at the moment we’re again at the not supported by the currently released text impasse.

F. Duration of the disturbance (Criteria B, C, D, and E) s more than 1 month.

Need more data, see above criteria noted.

G. The disturbance causes clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational,or other important areas of functioning.

Honestly, considering how well the man functions in his society to the point of being promoted up the ladder to the Small Council, despite his low-birth and the other obstacles he had to overcome, I’m inclined to say does not at the present time meet this criteria. His mask is tight, but everything we have evidence for thus far does not state what he’s like beyond Sansa’s brief musings on the difference between the attitude he presents to her when she believes she can ascertain the difference between the mask and the man. What she perceives as Petyr could just be another mask, even if it is a smaller one.

Note that we also do not know precisely how long ago he started his climb. I could definitely see that he might have had to take some time to put his foot on the first rung. So he could have possibly met this criteria in the past. Unfortunately, as I’ve said many times before, need more data.

H. The disturbance is not attributable to the physiological effects of a substance or another medical condition.

Specify whether:

With dissociative symptoms: The individual’s symptoms meet the criteria for posttraumatic stress disorder, and in addition, in response to the stressor, the individual experiences persistent or recurrent symptoms of either of the following:

1. Depersonalization: Persistent or recurrent experiences of feeling detached from, and as if one were an outside observer of, one’s mental processes or body.

2. Dereailzation: Persistent or recurrent experiences of unreality of surroundings.

Considering that Sansa admits:

And sometimes it seemed to her that the Lord Protector was two people as well. He was Petyr, her protector, warm and funny and gentle … but he was also Littlefinger, the lord she’d known at King’s Landing, smiling slyly and stroking his beard as he whispered in Queen Cersei’s ear… Littlefinger was only a mask he had to wear. Only sometimes Sansa found it hard to tell where the man ended and the mask began. Littlefinger and Lord Petyr looked so very much alike.

-AFFC Sansa I

And how it appears to her he seems to be able to take the mask on and off at his own behest so that it’s hard to tell them apart, this really doesn’t meet the criteria for disassociation; but I could do a short meta about how he doesn’t meet this definition or the dissociative disorders currently in the DSM-V. The Depersonalization  and Derealization symptoms will again have to wait for possible reveals in the future.

Note: To use this subtype, the dissociative symptoms must not be attributable to the physiological effects of a substance or another medical condition (e.g., complex partial seizures).

Oh! That’s me! But the terminology is out of date as of this year.

Specify if:

With delayed expression: If the full diagnostic criteria are not met until at least 6 months after the event (although the onset and expression of some symptoms may be immediate).

Say it again with me.

NEED. MORE. DATA.

So, to summarize: Currently only one criteria has been met for a potential diagnosis of PTSD. The rest we require more data to determine whether or not he does as we need more insight via a POV chapter or what he may reveal to Sansa. If this is done verbally to her instead of with body language or clearly noted with certain nonverbal cues which may conflict with what he may be saying it will be difficult to determine if he meets the criteria or not.

Honestly, I’ll admit that what I could give references for during my first run through of this Meta©™® with the books I had and what I could find in ASOIAF this was a fun and insightful exercise.

For reasons I will not disclose here I have been diagnosed with PTSD for unfortunately meeting A1 on several occasions. It has been interesting to compare what criteria I most definitely met, but with treatment I have been able to manage or outright worked out of different subsets. I still meet them all enough to have the diagnosis, but have made significant progress, but it made me a bit proud.

[kk4pups]

2tagged by @prettyel​ oof i got this late

nicknames? most everyone calls me pups, sometimes kk but i prefer pups

gender? a gal i suppose

star sign? leo babeyyyy

height? 5″2 Ish 

time? 4;16 am

birthday? august 20

favourite bands? i dont really get into bands i just find songs and listen to them on repeat until i hate them, tho i dont have any in particular rn 

favourite solo artists? ^ but i like boyinaband 

song stuck in my head? nothin rn

last movie you watched? uhhhhhhhh dunno i dont watch em much

last show you watched? bnha was rewatchin some just 10 mins ago actually, ive rewatched the sports festival arc 13 times 

when did you create your blog? my earliest posts r from june 2014 Apparently but i watched tumblr from a distance for a good while before actually making my blog 

what do i post? whatever im into at the time, which is bnha rn, tho i rb lots of other stuff that i generally like, think that its funny, or important etc, i have no real format outside of tagging stuff and even then my tagging system is Barely there

last thing i googled? “uraraka casual clothes” i uh, was making a uraraka sim JKJDSSKDFJF it looks Nothing like her all my bnha sims look nothin like the chars theyre supposed to be so far, makin anime sims is, not easy, either that or im very bad at making sims, probably both

do you have any other blogs? yeah i run a splatoon screenshot blog @/squidshots, tho its kinda poorly run bc getting the screenshots is tedious so it doesnt update as reglarly as id like it to 

do you get asks? not often, occasionally but i think most of em r my friends which w/e i enjoy them anyway

why did you choose your url? bc my dad told me “we think ur old enough to have an email” when i was 12 ish (mind u i Never even asked lol) and he was like “how does kk4pups sound for the address? ur nickname is kk and ur 4 pups so” and i was like “uhh i Guess” i used it for a game later and it stuck, kk is a nickname based off my first two initials for context, and i was very very obsessed with dogs for the first decade of my life, so, yah, i really like it tho thanks dad lmao

following? 326 

followers? 251 and i just blocked 2 bots

favourite colors? dandelion yellow, hot/magenta pink, ms paint cyan, r and have always been my 3 favs since i knew and understood what colors are, if youve seen my fursona, like those colors, tho i like most colors

average hours of sleep? anywhere between 2 and 12

lucky number? 3

instruments? *vague iunno noise*

what am i wearing? overwatch logo tee, plaid red/brown/white pj pants that also have polka dots (not as ugly as it sounds trust me), one halloween sock, and one st. patricks day sock, clearly, i am a true fashion icon 

how many blankets do i sleep with? 2-3

dream job? i wanna write cartoons babey! but realistically im probably gonna b homeless and dead in a ditch, cant wait!

dream vacation? not sure? ive thought about it a Lot n im really conflicted! on oneee hand just hangin out at zachs house and the general area where zach lives (bc i lived there too for awhile) and just visiting all the places i used to go sounds super nice but on the other handd a roadtrip w zach and erin over the states sounds super fun, but on Another hand a disney trip w them sounds really fun too, but on a Fourth hand id love to see seattle bc? its the ideal place for me to live but since i dont know where my (hopeful) work will take me i doubt ill actually get a chance, but on a Fifth hand a world tour with them sounds really exciting and idk!! whatever vacation if any i would wanna do w zach n erin bc honestly i dont think itd be Near as fun w/o them, but i do hope we can someday given the chance, ((also this sounded really gay sorry bye))

favourite food? popcorn i just had some 

nationality? american, i dont know much abt my heritage other than the Literal Minimum amount of native american to Count (i am very white it does not show At All) and a decent amount of polish

favourite song right now? uhhhh none rn im at that point where im in between finding songs i repeat until i hate them so ive just had my whole playlist on shuffle this week

uhhh taggin Whomever wants 2 do this lol

[haeroniel-doliet]

thbleugh but what bich is gonna fight me for me

idk im just gonna rant again, im sorry if youre on mobile just like, give it a big flick and fly past this i tried i actually have a read more this time

anywy im feelin shitty an dumb n weird an its not fun?? like do we try categorize these feelings: 

1. i have 3 days to pass a course and all the course work i failed to do in fucking march 

1.b. all those emotions to do w unis great! but also ive been solow and sad and dysfunctional its not rly even funny, grades dropping many levels in half a year like. sure grades dont define my life but considering how easy it is for me to get those grades to see them consistently and kinda dramatically dropping isnt helping (even though like i actively know i got lower grades bc i didnt fucking attend class or take in any knowledge. i realise hahah im making a psychology reference bc im a smart psychology uni student.... hmh oh yeah we, we learned about this, i dont know it. my peers do. oh. oh i didnt, i didnt learn anything. oh no. im here to learn abt the subject im supposedly loving and thats the best fit for me bc like hell id be an artist. anyway i have a lot of shit down here i havent figured out who to talk it out to. the mental health advisor didnt have the time for it rly and w counsellors its been different topics but now were in summer and id rather spend the spare money i can rattle off my parents on ballet than a psyhc i could see 2 times best. im just gonna have to wait till septembet bc my dumb white wall subscitption expired too damnti. ugh im just, okay lets move on

2. inadequacy thats not justified? like it is obvs bc it bothers me and i know i can do better and i am better than this all and i clearly have smth stopping me. while to others im doing just fine if not better than them who are really struggling and kinda dont have sympathy for me who goes ‘ugh im doing so badly and struggling, i mean i write perfect essays in one go but its just so hard to do thattt and i know im smarter and better than this’ esp bc say putting words together in that way is difficult on them and not been good at school

2.b. like being good at school but noot being good now, classic phenomenon or has my school system always been the softes most coddliest and where in the normal or worse school 1would have performed average and maybe learned to study and the worth of it to do better, ive just been good enough that caring became so unnecessary i need to waste my time on pointless but constant other things. like youtube and rpchats. constant monotone stimulation for hours. andhours. 

2.c. asking for help bc im struggling w actually getting over the fuzzy and struggle and self hate and blegh feelings to do some work thatd allow me to pass the coursein my 3 days of the very last extended time. and then realising, ah either youve slaved over your work and stressed and panicked to have it good and on time and have no pity left for me and my foolishness, or you never got to uni/struggled to go to uni and think im wasting my opportunity by being an ungrateful lazy piece of hsit. and i know ia m. and 2.d. its the reason why im not doing extra volunteering or serious extra curriculars thatd give the headstart in my lfie. bc, even tho on one side i wanna be that kid and owuld scoff at ppl not doing it who are here for fun and get a degree on the side, rn i see it as not stealing away dedicated good peoples spots who deserve to get the extra recognition for being clever and independent, meanwhile knowing htat probablyill be just fine. worst case scenario for me is literally (ok theres worse but v unlikely) living w my parents and ending up at a mediocre service job to another mediocre office job or smth and never get to a lab bc i wasnt sufficient enough and i never got the cotton balls out of my head and cleared up again to be smart enogh

okay what next, shitty privilige, crying abt my cotton ball head or not being smart

3. okay were gonna do the smart first bc my chest hurts and i kinda feel like crying or smth abt it. like in a dumb (fun) chat im playing athena known for wisdom and all this shit, and though i can throw out a quip or two or cleverly use smth to keep the smartass wisdom stick going on, every now and then i realise how dumb i am and not smart enough that another person could clearly fill this in much better. like. you know all the hilarious posts abt mansplaining and women being pushed out of their fields by dumber men who think they know better bc the others a woman and like, yeah? things where they are confident enough to say, actually i am way smarter than you and i know this bettr. here i am feeling like even if i spent years researching smth i wouldnt have the confidence to feel smart and knowldegeable abt it. like rn, i cant even hold arguments anymore bc im a fool. and i come off as dumb and i dont want to be, i still wanna be the smart kid, but im not working my brain im not doing work or research or learning, im jsut floating by w my cotton ball head thats getting fuzzier and fuzzier and though i can do tasks and would probably b v compeittive if it came to that and need to prove myself as smart, i can no longer feel like id hold my own, esp when people poke holes so easily, trap falls, “hah you dont know what to say ive bested you you dumb bitch” vibey things i just. its horrible? i wanna be smart and be confident in my smartness and feel recognized as smart by other people and live up to that expectation of actually being clever. and not just, knowing im smart enough in some ways bc school ive  passed so easy w always good remarks and participate well in class discussion and all, and im sure nobody thinks im rly dumb bc if i have to ask things im v friendly and try to be attentive. and idk if nobodys expecting more than me, bc again if i cant answer ive developed to be v chill about it and come off as average i guess. 

anyways 4. privilige; like thers multiple inc. the fact im fucking finnish aka my education system was supposedly one of the best, i grew up international so i wasnt even confined to one shitty school in one shitty town, ive had varied school experiences and switching so much i think has given me confidence in myself and shit like that. also bc im finnish i get grants in uni, like free money. and so far i have barely had to use it bc surprise my parents are togther and decently well off bc they got lucky w a job being fancy ppl for 3 years and my older brother is already  adulting and slowly doing his own thing so i can have more money from them. aka. catch my dad paying all my rent and food and everything i need/ ask for on the condition we keep a good releationship. and im reasonable bc he raised me smart apparently idk. but that still means im living at home i have no intentions of becoming an independent home owner bc idk how i would esp since ill be with my parents most holidays for years to come and idk even when or how ill become a real adult being in a real home w real comapnionship. bc rn idk who im even gonna live with, hopefully be civil w them maybe even make a bit of friends but im not gonna have a significant other to move in and support me for a while bc thats a thing idk if were getting into today in this why im feeling shitty rant. 

4.b. so im priviliged in everyway to go to uni for free (damn i gotta apply for that again) in a nice country and a nice and supportive school and get funding from both my parents and my country and not worry abt money and just get a degree all supported and babied again. im also, idk. priviliged bc, fuck writing comes easy to me, i know nayone reading my rants would be like... yeah this is barely legible and terrible writted and mind blurts so i say it is yes bc its mind blurts but i can organise my htoughts into fancy essays surprisingly easy and critical stuff like psych and english came  mad easy to an extent. sure, i wasnt talented in math but i still made it, i am not talented in science but sometimes the concepts click and i can . but then, im also talented in art. and im not ashamed to say its privilige disposition or talent or smth, bc damn. i do not practice or dedicate enough love to claim that. sure, ive drawn always, sure, ive practiced more as a kid thatn other kids and thats probably carried me thru pretty far, but i think ive just had a natural disposition to be good at art technique (creativity maybe not so, or inspiration) but i know what looks good and sometimes how to achieve that. cue montage to art class where i sit w my friends who are talking about bands or making outlines w nut shells bc there i am beside them doing the work in half the time twice as good. mostly bc the teacher wasnt great and would assign essentially copying a picture from a4 to a2 u know like drawing the same thing. and thats not easy. and youre supposed to build up really light layers and slowly refine it.  and ppl who listened only ended up w shitty light drawings that either look like potatoes or vaguely like the picture, while i with boosting confidence would go, we only do one super light sketch one medium sketch and one dark layer. bc by the medium one everything is in its place and looks abt like everyone elses and i need the dark hues to show it accurately even if it isnt perfect, and my work would like almost always stand out on the wall bc it was so different/advanced. i wont lie it influenced my friends to not draw as well or as much sitting next to me, and ofc id feel bad and i could never boast bc i felt bad that they didnt try bc they saw me, thought mines not gonna be like that so im just gonna fuck around and do whatever. and i obvs needed praise but would always feel bad bc it was obviously me who was the best in that class and its so self conceited but, it kinda just was true in that small class half of whom didnt want to be there. me butt kissin and trying to impress myself w my skill. catch like, that first day he asked us to draw the person next to us, and i made my partner draw me first, bc i just knew if i went first theyd look at it and draw me a potato stick figure in 5 seconds and say i cant draw like you. and true. while the rest of the class made sketchy circle guys, some looing so childish, here i went and said, okay i find it awkward having you stare at me and if  you move a lot it makes it harder to be accurate, so, like take out your phone and get comfortable and look down at that for a while hence drawing3/4 unlike anyone else w eyes cast down and damn if i dont remember it being beautiful and identifiable as that friend, even tho the teacher told ppl around me like, ah yes she did it this way, 3/4 not face on which is much easier. which is true but bitch you never said. sides it looks so much better and was so much less frustrating. anyway, even now in that chat i go and like drop my drawings in bc partially i just wanna draw more and showing people makes me draw? u know. and i kinda wanna get compliments. but ive figured im pretty humble abt it. and sure i get comments that are like god i wish i could draw like that from someone that doesnt draw arms or legs and theyre v bublehead cartoon. and im like. you could. but yours is still middle school level, so just, keep working at it, get confidence to break your mold. 

that andtheres this one chick that,,,, gawd, well they admit to being a sociopath in chat which is great and seem real attention seekery in general (theres a surprising amount of people, while in midst of rp and getting compliments go “well i guess im a shit rpr because nobody wants to rp with me ://) post art and then be like dramatically UGH i hate it it looks so bad im terrible at art, literally poster girl for fishing for compliments. and even if i dont like the style at all, i try give in anatomical pointers or smth abt the drapery or smth technical i can complement. bc id want the same i guess? and i dont love let alone like the art itself. and then, while getting so many of those theyre like “yeah well nobody likes my art, say it reminds them of this character (jessica rabbit while all hers have big hips big tits tiny waists massive lips massive eye, but just one eye bc the otehrs covered by hair like theres obvious similarities) which means im totally not original like i thought so why even try!” and other melodramatic things that i can argue, but they dont wanna hear it they want attention and praise and i just ughhh i could preach you about how no art is original and its all from influence, or how someone doesnt have to like your style to appreciate it, or someone might love your style and like. basic stuff ive figured out myself. and it gets frustrating trying not to get a superiority, or to start shoving my own art in there to try compete or smth. and its just. hard. idk. id k. i know theres people who are averse to art and never tried to be good at it who are obvs gonna be omg thats so good i cant even draw and ill be like, hah yeah sure dude if you tried maybe btut thanks. 

also drawing man its so weird, whenever i see someone elses drawing a part of me goes “we must draw so that we can show were better than that” like, either to get complimetns and shift it to me? or to just show them off. to be like. i can do it better. which i kinda hate about myself? that i draw mostly bc of that and a need to show off? like amxxs art or smth, them talking like yeahh ugly art is good art, drawing is so healing i feel great or im so proud of myself for improivng so much look at my art, and a part of me goes, awh yes! my theorys proven working on art for yourself improves and can cheer you up, another goes, yesnow i must draw to show how good i am and show how i too feel fulfilled by drawing but also make it about me by weeping how i hate drawing myself. literally smths wrong w me seeing others pot abt their midrift, or learning to accept their curves or drawing themselves or smth, and theres a gremlin of me going like yeah but i cant draw myself bc i tried once and it looks like shit and ill only highlight my flaws and im slightly afraid of someone saying it looks exactly like me or other dumb shit, or i dont have curves to accept bcim not big hip big thic thigh girl im just. my legs are big but mostly ugly bc of the skin on them not bc of their size (ankles tho oof) and i have no hips i have no butt bc it allwent to my stoamch thats also ugly and my broad   badly postured back thats also ugly w these spots and marks and scars soon probably. and saggy boobs dont forget those. bc theyre literally fat sacks aiming for the ground i guess. anyway. no cute curves,  no beautiful skin no nth its just tough and i cant help but feel the negativity towards myself in almost every glimpse of someone elses positivity. i dont always air it which would be horrible of me to do, but its still there. making their happiness about my misery. maxx loves their boyfriend?> i hate them bc i dont like him and its rining it> i hate them havingsuch a dreamy but fake seeming ‘soulmate’ relationship bc its not true and i think itll end up terribly> im neveer gonna have that and im jealous of them i guess having someone theyd dedicate so much to and who loves them so much theyre all over the place making sappy things> well theyre an oveer romantic whod do it over the smallest things this wasnt a great example. 

anyway yeah extra note, even if i felt comfortable enough for sex im not comfortable enough in my body for that and idk how thats relevant to anything but i guess thats smth id also talk w a therapist abt whod probably tell me, then dont have sex! like yeah thats my plan.but im talking never gonna be able to form a relationship bc even having a friend for a sleepover makes me uncomfortable having them see me in an uncontrolled clothed position. u feel. 

anyway i have a lot of little problems that amount and i guess when i start addressing one the rest pop up their ugly heads and this is why i never getanywhere. this all comes from  how shitty i feel from how i have literally not even 3 full days to complete those tasks and pass, and i know i need to, though nothing in me actually feels like itll actually do the work u know, that spiraled through that chat into privilige of being at school and how i should tryy a bit that turned to im priviliged to be smart to pass and in my talent in art despite not being an artist that spiraled to another way i disliked myself and thats my fucked relations to myself my body and relationships (esp including me that dont exist)  

side note, though no surprise if for some ungodly reason youve read this shit i wrote at 8.30 am when i have a docs appointment abt my very ugly skin at 12.45 i over share. easily. if somseone asks id give them all. look at this. even in that chat i spiraled from, hah fun fucked up thing im almost failing my course bc im a shit, to my  heads filled with fuzz and i hate that i cant live up to my potentia. and im surprised how much i like this one guy, though who with his character ripped into my athena and make me question all my smartness, really makes me feel better ooc??? like theyre genuinely nice and just too informed and funny and playing the dick for a very well thought out reason (drunk doesnt mean it etc) and while the sociopath gal is giving me the side eye after they tried to help but figured out im a prviliged kid whos in school for free and not making the most of it and how easy school has been forme when for them despite their hard efforts they failed high school.u know not reallly helping kinda making me fele worse bc i know i should be doing better and could be and not only bc i have a priviliged opportuntity to and ability, i would benefit so much more if i did it for myself. but here comes by weird guy who slips on a freudian approach and claims they love helping ppl through their problems so i drop another overshare paragraph if he rly wanted to help but lighten it by taking thetopic off, he doesnt return and never address my post bc now its onto talking abt the big rp thing. im not mad. i just, idk i kinda wanted their support, another poor stranger to inflict w my extremely troubled wordy lengthy and i guess complex thoughts and feelings and lack there of sometimes and other shit. 

anyway im not doing great but im gonna grab 3 hrs of sleep before the doc, come back, nap, go to ballet again, come back, ad.... do smth.. work. maybe. one can hope. i hate it will it actually work only time can tell and i hate myself already.ugh. i hate i hate im not okya with this why cant someone else deal w me for me. deal with all these feelings and botherings and make me do my work and be satisfied doing it and do it all in time and feel a little success and reward myself like i should for work done and not just when i want. idk. someone,t ake over my life, you might be better at it. help me dela with school that i currently hate the most even if im meant to end up a scholar or smth

[principaliti]

@troublingbubbles tagged me aaaaa im jus gonna fill it in and not tag anyone bc im too tired to tag ppl so do it if u wanna

im sure ive done this like 50 times but its w/e

nicknames: the only one i have rn is dadam

star sign: taurus

gender: dude

mbti type: i think im intp but its been like 3 yrs since i took the test

height: 5′7

time: 10:47 PM

birthday: 14th May

favorite bands: Caravan Palace, Mother Mother

favorite solo artists: Porter Robinson, I love Lady Gaga???

song stuck in my head: some dumb vocaloid song i was just listenin to

last movie i watched: summer wars i think

other blogs: @adamliliths @daily-caesar

when i created my blog: 2014 some time, been on tungle since 2010 tho

what i post about: memes and sometimes i scream into the void abt my shitbrain

last thing i googled: graphicsgale eyedropper

following: 2552

followers: 721

favorite color: Purple 

average hours of sleep: anywhere between 3 and 18

lucky number: 8

instruments: vaguely remember how to play violin, plannin on buying a midi keyboard w my friend

what i’m wearing: pulp fiction t-shirt and joggers

how many blankets i sleep with: one - silk thin one when its warm, big duvet when im cold

dream job: can i be paid to like. sleep. i dont want a job man i dont do well at work

dream trip: seeing the northern lights

favorite food: i dont have a favourites but ive been really craving donuts for ages??

nationality: british