#leafs just maxing out all their credit cards with this one

[toffoliravioli]

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I LOVE AUSTON BUT WTF IS THIS AMOUNT-

[annieqattheperipheral]

WTH IS THIS ARTICLE we have a super spy hockey ninja on the leafs now????

i have no idea who this is and treliving we have no choice but to follow you to the fiery depths of leafie hell but yooo this dude sounds fire for team culture and at bargain price so colour me INTRIGUED

am34's new bunts/bff??? an older rookie'esque grinder who can play top 6.. he does love his geriatric young-at-hearts who beckon to him to be the star and apparently this fella's a chameleon shapeshifter off the ice or something i cannot get a read on this ghost

full article:

The text messages among a group of former University of Denver teammates almost always follow a similar pattern: Someone will try to pry information out of Dylan Gambrell, the 26-year-old centre carving out an NHL career for himself. Yet before they know it, those same friends will instead find themselves sharing insight into their own life and career as the crafty and elusive Gambrell has managed to flip the tables.

That’s the way Gambrell operates.

Sharing personal details doesn’t come naturally to Gambrell. Instead, the Maple Leafs centre signed to a one-year, $775,000 contract this offseason is at his most content when he’s surrounded by teammates, keeping the conversation going but still keeping his cards close to his chest.

“He’s a silent assassin,” former Denver teammate Blake Hillman said of Gambrell. “He doesn’t say much, but he’s very cerebral about the way he handles his life.”

With the likes of Tyler Bertuzzi, Max Domi and John Klingberg joining the Leafs via free agency, the addition of Gambrell has flown under the radar. He’s 26 but has already spent parts of six seasons in the NHL. Early indications are that Domi — despite having played centre before — will line up on the wing to start his Leafs career. And so there looks to be a hole in the fourth-line centre role. Pontus Holmberg could be in contention for the job, given his defensive acumen and how well he adapted in a short amount of time during his 37-game NHL rookie stint last year.

But right now, Gambrell might be in the pole position for the job.

“(Gambrell) has played a lot in the league over the past few years,” Leafs GM Brad Treliving said. “I think he is going to provide us with good depth.”

Those who know Gambrell believe his journey has given him the kind of experience and know-how that could allow him to surprise some onlookers, make the most of his time in Toronto and grab onto a full-time NHL spot.

Throughout Gambrell’s three seasons at the University of Denver, teammates and the coaching staff rarely had to worry much about him.

Not when Gambrell was showing his strong puck skills and speedy skating in a top-six role in just his second year with the program, and putting up more than a point per game throughout his entire three-season NCAA career. And not when contributing in all situations including in key moments late in games en route to a national championship in 2017.

The responsible game Gambrell employed mirrored who Gambrell was off the ice: low-maintenance and remarkably mature. During Gambrell’s 2015-16 freshman season, he was voted the “Most Put Together” teammate in a year-end awards ceremony.

“He’s always been one of those guys looking out for everyone else,” Hillman said of Gambrell.

Gambrell credits moving far away from his Bonney Lake, Wash., home to Colorado at 14 and moving in with the family of future Boston Bruin Brandon Carlo while playing Triple-A hockey as the reason for his early maturity.

“He was always involved (with the team) and always in the mix, in a good way,” Gambrell’s former Denver assistant coach David Carle said.

Carle was invited to Gambrell’s July wedding and was taken aback by the fact that nearly 20 former teammates of different ages were invited. He then remembered what kind of person Gambrell is.

Whenever Carle would tuck his head in on team functions, he would see the entire Denver team in attendance. And he’d then hear later that was because it was Gambrell who would make the effort to include every player, regardless of age or standing within the team.

“(Gambrell) likes to relate to everyone, and in different ways, which is a pretty unique characteristic of his,” former Denver teammate Logan O’Connor said of Gambrell.

While Gambrell might not necessarily be as gregarious as, say, fellow new Leaf Ryan Reaves, his high comfort level with different types of teammates is nonetheless notable. Treliving said early in free agency that he had heard this Leafs team is a “quiet group.” And so Gambrell’s efforts to be consistently inclusive with teammates could have made him an attractive signing in Treliving’s eyes.

“He’s a guy who endears himself well to his teammates because of the quality of person he is, and the values he has,” Carle said.

Being low-maintenance helped Gambrell move on from Denver and earn three different contracts with the San Jose Sharks after being drafted in the second round of the 2016 draft. He spent most of his first full pro season in the AHL learning the ropes, and learning some hard lessons about sticking in the NHL.

Consistency didn’t come easy. Some nights Gambrell looked like the best player on the ice during a 51-game season with the AHL’s San Jose Barracuda, other nights he’d struggle to impact the game.

“He was really hard on himself,” Gambrell’s then-Barracuda head coach Roy Sommer said. “If he didn’t get the results he liked, it affected his personality a little bit. But he started getting better at that.”

Gambrell came to a realization not every young professional comes to: The highly skilled player he was in college, who produced plenty of offence over his three-year career, might not be the player he could be in the NHL.

He’d have to embrace more of the 200-foot game he played at times in college and focus on impacting the game with finer details as opposed to only on the scoresheet. It ended up becoming one of his most important realizations as a pro to date.

“I had to change my game,” Gambrell admits. “Obviously there was a maturing phase, and I realized my defensive game was going to be a much bigger thing. I always thought I was a 200-foot player, but I had to realize how important the defensive side of the game is, too.”

And again, he did it all with the kind of coachable attitude that has endeared him to those who know him. He might have been a relatively high draft pick with a promising offensive future, but his maturity helped him come to an understanding of his NHL future that can be difficult for some to swallow.

“I never once saw him text and complain about being on the fourth line,” Hillman said.

That’s not who he is.

“You’ve got to find your niche,” Gambrell said of his NHL career. “(Playing defensively) was something that helped keep me in the lineup.”

Throughout his four seasons in San Jose, he admired the way veterans such as Joe Pavelski handled themselves with consistent professionalism on and off the ice. It meant that when he landed in Ottawa after an October 2021 trade, he stuck in the NHL with the Ottawa Senators. He scored just seven goals in his 123 NHL games in Ottawa, but the experience added up, as did his ability to read games with his hockey IQ and learn to be in the right spots defensively by utilizing his smarts and speed.

That maturity, skill set and NHL experience could see him beat out the incumbent Holmberg in a training camp battle.

“I think (the Leafs) like my energy and speed and the responsible side of the game that I can bring,” Gambrell said.

The battle for the fourth-line centre role will be one of the few roster battles to watch once Leafs training camp gets underway in September. After a career spent largely out of the limelight, Gambrell will have more eyeballs on him and his play than ever before. To win a spot, he’ll need to show more offence in his game than he has in the NHL. That’s partly why he’s planning on arriving in Toronto well ahead of training camp to acclimatize himself with his new teammates and start developing some chemistry on the ice early on.

But it feels likely the increased attention Gambrell will face in Toronto won’t faze him whatsoever. He’s built his career on keeping his head down and trying to improve.

Just ask his group chat.

“He’s very good at not showing emotion. He always reacts to every situation with calm,” Hillman said. “If there’s one person who will be able to tune everything out, it’s him.”

[mossyythoughts]

platonic genshin headcanons

yo yo yo

w/ diluc, venti and hu tao!

g/n reader ❤️

not spell checked whoops~

diluc

the biggest dad friend ever we love him <3

he definitely has told you to stop spending money on stupid shit but like shut the fuck up, look at this dog figurine that is just sitting there like a polite little boy 😒🙄

will NOT have you in his house doing stupid shit

“get down from that bookshelf.”

ughh he probably makes the best cookies

or the worst no in between 🙄

but my bets is he is a pretty decent cook 🧐

he would get on your ass if you ate raw dough though 😒 like bitch i’m hungry

ugh feel like he would be the type of person to be like “are you fr playing scary games at 4 am again…”

he WILL NOT comfort you either 🤬 like whore i’m scared to go to the bathroom by myself

doesn’t get scared about shit 🙄

until he does 😈

feel like he gets scared of things that could possibly happen

will watch ghost movies with you but cannot even fathom watching like a space movie or like idk natural disaster thriller movies

is that what they’re called AKDJSKDJ natural disaster thriller movies ?????

bitch is the type of person to fall asleep on you and crush you

like GET TF OFF OF ME ❗️❗️❗️🤬🤬🤬 🔪

i feel like you guys are the type of friends to watch stupid romcoms and just like AJSKSDJSJ LAUGH AT THEM

i feel like he would be such a cool person to hang around seems very sweet

but you suck diluc !! 👎🏾👎🏾

stop coming home i do NOT need c2 diluc 🙄🔪

venti

if you’re fine with it is gonna be the most touchy bitch in this whole bullet point list 😒👎🏾

gonna drag you to an ice cream parlor and then make you pay with his broke ass

whallop his sorry ass if he does

horrible fucking cook

dude literally tried to cook NORMAL EGGS and they looked like dog shit ⁉️

like venti.

get out

the amount of play fights you guys have gotten in

and you’ve won them all like a baddie 💞

fuck venti

snuck into your house once to try and use your easy bake oven

like bitch i oughta…

ugh is such a bitch about everything

will straight up whine and whine for the smallest thing

it’s fine though we love venti

he pays for it by giving you small gifts 😍🥰

like wow thanks venti for paying back my maxed out credit card with a four leaf clover ❗️❗️😍

he wouldn’t actually though he knows his limits

(smtimes)

IS THE MOST ANNOYING ASS BITCH DURING ONLINE GAMES THOUGH

play scary games with him 🥺

give that bitch nightmares ❗️❗️🤬

he gets scared at the smallest thing halloween is his favorite holiday 😍

threaten him!!! to not pay!!! for his!!! cosplays!!!

idk why but i feel like he would be a cosplayer

he looks good and stuff but like go away 🙄👎🏾

go PAY YOUR TAB 🤬🤬

come home next time your banner is here tho i wanna bully you by throwing you off a cliff!! 💞

hu tao

FUCK HU TAO 🤬🤬🤬🔪🔪🔪🔪❗️❗️❗️❗️

ugh is the type to like push you off a cliff

also the type to drive super fast in parking lots???

don’t know where that one came from

is the type to want to do tiktok trends w/ you

like that one where people were like… hiding out in walmarts? like behind toilet paper?

ugh LEAVE ME ALONG HU TAO IM TRYING TO SLEEP

is the type to repay your lost time with drinks 💞

you like energy drinks? here! you like coffee? yup, got one right here! soda? water? JUICE?

where tf do you keep getting these bitch 🤨

is def gonna come to you when the police are after her after she lit smth on fire…

like NO you can’t hide out in my house😨

SO FUNNY WHEN PLAYING HORROR GAMES

kinda reminds me of coryxkenshin 🧐

she would scream so hard and then just look blankly at her webcam

she always accidently pauses the game when she gets jumpscared 😭

LMAODHSJDJS SHES THE TYPE OF PERSON TO TALK SHIT ABOUT THE MONSTER AND THEN JUMP SO HARD WHEN IT COMES FOR HER 💀

she would be like

“and the ghost always stalks these halls, screaming out in agony for help. will you help them?”

“joe mama hahaha- nO NO STOP-“

luke bitch you asked for this shit 😐

gonna be so whiny too 🙅🏾‍♀️ like if you do NOT stop clinging onto my arm stfu

the type of person to fucking spit on someone if they made you upset tho <3

i got you one your rerun banner but you were giving me a run for my fucking money 😐 you kept me from thoma AND waited until 90 pity wtf… why the hell has thoma NOT come home yet…….

author notes

yo first post- expect me to post a lot about venti he is my comfort character and he is super fun to make fun of considering the amount of anger i have festered from the fact that he didn’t wanna come home 😊😍 its fine tho, i was only wishing for him because i wanted to see the pretty colors even tho i wasn’t supposed to because i had been saving for klee for like idk SINCE JANUEARY 🤬 …i missed her first banner, and she is another comfort character 😔 it’s fine tho, she hits numbers 😋✌🏾

[suncityblues]

Bad Luck and Sunshine

Part 1/5 - SPN - 3k words 

read on AO3

He can fit all his worldly possessions on the passenger seat of his car.

Car keys, red bic lighter, a toothbrush in a ziplock bag. Cellphone, charger, brown faux leather wallet. A maxed out credit card with the name James Ledbetter on it, and a fake ID to match the card. Fourteen American dollars, one Canadian quarter, a Blimpie’s buy-one-get-one coupon.

A pen with the name of a bank on it, a tin of salt. A paperback with a four leaf clover carefully pressed into the pages between the title and the acknowledgments, and that’s it.

Castiel taps the book in the spot where the clover is pressed. He can feel the slight bump of it.  

“They’re supposed to be good luck,” Dean had told him with a shrug when Cas asked why he was rooting around in the grass that day. Dean had handed Cas the book with the clover inside and said, “I used to search for them sometimes when I was a kid. It’s dumb but, hey, I figure we could use all the luck we can get.” Dean had smiled softly then, a bit sheepish. The tips of his ears had gone red.

Back then the world had been ending, so Cas supposed Dean was right, they could use luck.

He remembers trying to be encouraging, saying something about the placebo effect that made Dean roll his eyes and laugh at the same time. He can’t quite recall the specifics of it anymore.

A while later he had reached out to the clover with his grace and found nothing particularly special about it, but kept it and the book anyway. He reaches out again, now, with what little of his power he has left. It’s still just as lucky as any other dead plant.

He takes stock of his possessions again, focusing in particular on the fourteen American dollars and the one Canadian quarter. He checks how much gas he has left in his car and it’s not much. If he keeps going he’ll have to choose between food and gas, just to run out of it again anyway.

He needs to eat sometimes now, and drink water. He needs a shower and a bed if he can get them. Clothes, shoes, soap, toothpaste. All of it costs money, and to get money you have to trade time. Castiel has always found that a little ridiculous but it’s not like he makes the rules anymore.

He’s been pulled over in a dark parking lot in a truck stop town called Laurel for a while now thinking about what to do. Sam and Dean had set him up with the card and the fake ID before he left and Cas doesn’t want to ask them for any more help. He decides Laurel is as good a place as any other to get stuck in.

It’s 9:52 on a Tuesday.

++

A day and a half later Castiel is once again employed at a gas station. He’d tried a diner, a vegetable canning factory, a hardware store, and a rundown CVS but the gas station is the first place that got back to him. They were short staffed after someone named Ricky had walked out, and desperately needed a replacement. Kendra, the manager, had said “it’s like you were sent by an angel!” When she read through his mostly fictional work history. It had made Cas laugh.

This one is called Sunshine Gas and Go. They have to wear ugly yellow polo shirts that say “Let me know how I can help make your day sunny!” On the back. They keep the beer on the left side of the cooler bank instead of the right and the jerky next to the self-serve coffee but aside from that it’s remarkably similar to a Gas-N-Sip.

He wonders bleakly if he should have been the patron of gas stations while he had the ability.

The angel of Thursday, the angel of gas stations, that’s Cas. The guardian of the spaces you have to pass through on your way to better days, better places.

He sometimes wonders how Nora’s doing; if her kid’s okay.

++

It takes Sam and Dean five weeks to cave and check in on him. Cas has been in Laurel for the last three.

They pretend to be on their way back from a hunt, a totally routine salt and burn, and just so happen to be refueling at that particular gas station in this particular truck stop, exactly fifteen minutes after his coworker leaves Cas alone to cover the overnight shift. It’s an obvious and flimsy excuse to make sure he’s okay, but he’s known them long enough to understand that obviousness and flimsy excuses to see one another are gestures of affection in the Winchester family. He finds it somewhat exhausting to witness, and even more so to experience but he doesn’t call them out on it.  

He does, however, make pointed eye contact with Sam who waves his hands in a placating gesture behind Dean’s back and excuses himself to go stare at the overpriced air fresheners on the other side of the store. He had hoped Sam, at least, would have had the sense to text first.

On the counter next to the cash register there’s a plastic bin with a picture of a bald child in a hospital bed taped to it and some loose change inside. Dean picks the can up, looks inside it, shakes it a bit, puts it down. It’s mostly empty.

“You’d think people’d be a little more generous, what with the cancer kid at stake and all,” he says. When Cas doesn’t immediately reply Dean continues, “Or is this one of those, uh, charity scams? You know, where the evil mega corporation asks you to pretty please donate so they can use it as a tax write off?”

Castiel shrugs, he doesn’t know what the Sunshine Gas and Go does with the money. Says: “I’m not sure, Dean.”

He pretends not to see Dean stick some gum from the display under the counter into his coat pocket. He’s watched Dean do this before to other casheers, leaning close to flirt and making off with what he can. Cas supposes old habits die hard. The gum is sugar free cinnamon.

Dean sees him pretending not to see. He smiles big and bright, his nose does a little crinkle that Cas always liked. The term “shit eating grin” comes to mind, Cas must have heard it somewhere, probably about Dean that time too. He rolls his eyes and says, “How was your hunt? Were you or Sam hurt at all?” He can’t do much besides heal minor cuts and bruises these days, but for the Winchesters he’d still offer what he can.

Dean waves him off, “Fine, fine, got shoved around a bit but it’s nothing a cold compress and a good night’s sleep can’t fix.”

“Speaking of,” Dean segues in a breezyl tone Castiel knows is dangerous territory, “Where are you sleeping these days? You gotta sleep now right?”

The ghost of Rexford sits heavy between them, though it’s been years since then. Cas realizes being back at a gas station might have caught Dean off guard, or felt like some kind of dig at him. He doesn’t know how to explain that it’s just bad luck, and he’s not sure Dean would believe him if he did.

This time around he’s not squatting in the back room with the cleaning chemicals but he is sleeping in his car, just until he has enough money for a place to stay or decides to hit the road again. He knows that’s not anything Dean wants to hear.

“Yes, Dean, I need to sleep” he answers, then pauses. He considers lying but it never works out when he does, and this isn’t life or death; just embarrassing.

Besides, Sam and Dean are observant and thorough even during a glorified social visit, so Cas figures they’d put two and two together as soon as they walked in the door. There’s no way they hadn’t clocked his too-big thrift store jeans under the uniform shirt, or the circles under his eyes. The way his beard is a little patchy from shaving in the bathroom mirror in the truck stop visitor center. It’s likely they’d found his car in it’s discreet parking space at the edge of the lot before coming into the Sunshine Gas and Go.

Cas tries tactful honesty: “I’m saving up.”

And it’s true, he is, though he’s not sure what he’s saving up for. But every Friday he gets a paycheck and brings it to the check cashing place in town. After the fee, and groceries, and little necessities he carefully stores what little he has left in the locked glove compartment of his car, under the book with the clover in it.

Dean’s lips press flat together. He stops leaning over the counter and stands at his full height. He makes an aborted head shaking gesture. He speaks like there’s an awful taste in his mouth.

“So,” he says, slightly too loudly to pay it off as cool. Out of the corner of his eye Castiel sees Sam’s head wip towards them, no longer pretending he’s not eavesdropping.

“So, ah—“ Dean repeats, “you’re gonna, what? Drift around? Lay low in some podunk shit hole for the rest of your life?“ he stops, puts his hands on the counter to steady himself, or to keep from reaching over and grabbing him, Cas isn’t sure. A beat.

“You know what?” Dean says, “Nevermind.”

Cas deflates. He knows Dean disagrees with him leaving so soon after becoming human again, and feels guilty about so many things it’s hard for Cas to keep track of them all, but he knows he couldn’t stay either. Just like lying to the Winchesters, it never works out in the end. With almost no power, he’s no help to anyone, not Sam and Dean, not heaven, not even himself. It hurts to think about but maybe that’s just part of being human.

“Dean—“ he starts to say but he’s cut off.

“Don’t worry about it, man” Dean says, he taps the counter twice with his knuckles, “nice place you got here. I’m glad you’re doing alright.”

Dean swallows and abruptly turns to leave, hands stuffed in the pockets of his jacket. Cas watches him go until Sam comes to the counter with two bottles of water, a coffee, and an energy bar.

He puts a twenty down, says apologetically, “For this stuff and whatever Dean stole on his way out.”

“Gum,” Cas supplies, and slides the twenty back towards Sam. “Don’t worry about it,” he says.

The cameras don’t work inside the store, and according to Joanna, the only reason they’re still up at all is to deter would-be armed robbers. Castiel watches less deserving people steal from them all the time, so it doesn’t seem worth it to take Sam’s money.

Sam shakes his head and gives him a flat smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. He takes his things but leaves the twenty. Says, “See you around, Cas.” He pauses for a moment, and seems to debate something with himself. Then: “Check in sometimes if you can, okay? You know how Dean can be when he gets worried.”

Castiel knows. He waves to Sam as he walks off into the dark.  

Cas checks the gum display, then manually rings up the items Sam bought. He puts the change into the plastic jar with the kid in the hospital bed on it.

++

A few days later a woman comes in with a ghost behind her. Cas checks the time to keep from gaping. 11:27 AM.

The ghost is a man, perhaps in his mid forties. Too young to be dead, but Cas supposes most people feel that way when they die, no matter how old. When the woman comes to the counter and gives him thirty dollars to put on pump six he sees a wedding ring on a chain around her neck. He puts two and two together.

“That’s a lovely necklace” he says, he looks directly at the ghost when he says it. They make eye contact. The ghost does a sharp inhale for a moment and the lights flicker. The ghost disappears.

Cas frowns, “Sorry about that. It happens all the time,” he lies. He wonders if he could purify the ghost with what powers he has left, that way she wouldn’t have to burn her wedding ring.

The woman seems caught off guard, then smiles politely.

“No worries, it happens all the time at my house too. Must be a faulty power grid in this town or something, my kids swear it’s a ghost or something,” she says.

There’s an apprehensive edge to her voice then, hastily: “have a good one.”

“You too,” Cas says. He thinks about following her out, trying to explain. He thinks about texting Sam and Dean.

The slushie machine makes a mechanical crunching sound and suddenly there’s red goop all over the ground.

Joanna starts yelling and runs for the mop. He goes to unplug the machine and gets sticky pink syrup all over his last clean pair of pants. The ghost slips his mind.

++

Two days later Dean shows up by himself. It’s 6:43 in the morning on a Tuesday.

Cas has been finished with work for fifteen minutes already but there’s a rush at the end of his shift so he says on to help Javier and Kendra out. It’s mostly people stopping for gas on their way to work, or truckers picking up breakfast before heading back on the road. He doesn’t mind sticking around in the mornings, everyone’s usually too tired to be angry and it’s a nice break from the drunks and the sad eyed kids he usually meets on overnights. The extra money doesn’t hurt, either.

Cas doesn’t notice Dean until he’s placing two coffees on the counter in front of them.

His first words are a surprised, “Oh, hello Dean. Where’s Sam?” Which makes Dean huff, and shift from one foot to the other.

“Not here,” he says, then points at the coffee closest to Cas, “That one’s for you. Milk, no sugar still, right?” Cas nods. He knows this is Dean Speak for an apology. He can feel Javier and Kendra look over at them from behind the other register and the cigarette display, respectively.

Dean smiles, all charm but Cas can tell his face looks a little more drawn than usual, like he’d been driving for too long without a break, “You get off work soon?”

Kendra answers for him, “Yes, he does.” She has a maternal look on her face when Cas turns to her. Javier rolls his eyes but doesn’t say anything.

“Shoo,” she says, with a smile. She points at the slogan on his uniform shirt, “Go have a sunny day, James.”

Dean nods, “Yeah, James. Have a sunny day.” There’s that smile again.

Cas closes out his register and gets his coat from the back room. Dean’s waiting for him outside, drinking his coffee and leaning against the Impala. The lighting is the soft grey-blue of the morning, and it feels nice compared to the white fluorescents of the store.

Before Cas can say anything Dean scrubs at the back of his neck, then says, “This coffee tastes like piss. Let’s get breakfast.”

++

There’re a few diners in town but Cas has never been to any of them. Dean picks one on a whim, because the sign has a 1950’s pinup girl in a skimpy waitress uniform.

It’s warm inside and smells nice, like syrup and strong coffee. Dean orders something called The Lumberjack Platter and when Cas tells the waitress, “Just coffee, thanks” Dean overrides it and orders him scrambled eggs with a side of sausage and toast.

“My treat,” Dean says. Cas shakes his head but doesn’t fight him on it.

Dean avoids talking about anything personal. Instead they mostly chat about the case Sam and Dean are currently working on. Apparently they’ve hit a wall with the research and Sam’s been holed up at the bunker for days pouring over blueprints and hacked security footage. There’s a cursed object in a locked bank vault in Little Rock that’s making people have violent outbursts. The questions are: why did it start acting up now, which lock box it’s in, and how to get to it.

Cas wishes he could still fly, then at least he’d be able to solve two of their problems. He runs the idea of trying to find a spell to make the object useless by Dean and Dean types it into his phone to send to Sam. A moment later it lights up with a call but Dean mutes it and sticks the phone back in his pocket.

Dean changes subjects and tells him about the latest Dr. Sexy storyline, about a vampire nest he took out a few years back, about running into Garth in Topeka. Cas talks about the gas station a bit but mostly just listens. He always likes listening to Dean talk.

++

When they leave the diner and get back into the Impala, Cas realizes this is the first time he’s enjoyed himself in a long while. He smiles over at Dean, expecting to be asked where he’d like to be dropped off. He’s thinking about the park by the river on the far side of town, it’s a long walk back to the truck stop but he likes to watch the  trees shift in the wind and the fresh air there is a nice change from diesel fumes. Instead Dean says, “You still don’t got a place to stay right?”

Cas nods cautiously. He puts his hand on Dean’s upper arm and, not willing to let the day go south, says sternly, “I assure you Dean, while I’m not strictly an angel anymore I still don’t need nearly as much rest as you or Sam do…”

Dean nods at the steering wheel, his jaw moving. Cas can tell he’s also trying to not turn this into a fight.

Dean shifts towards him, Cas keeps his hand firmly on Dean’s arm. The energy in the car changes and suddenly Cas realizes where this is going. Dean puts one hand on his waist and the other comes to rest on Cas’ neck behind his ear. Cas breathes in sharply.

“Dean,” he says, then he broaches the subject he’d been painstakingly avoiding all morning: “Why did you come here today?”

Dean blushes and goes still for a moment, he swallows but doesn’t say anything. After a moment tugs him in gently and Cas takes pity on him. Dean tastes like maple syrup.

It’d been a while since they’d done this, but they fall back into it easily. After a few moments of kissing Dean pulls back. Their foreheads and noses are still touching and they’re breathing hard.

“What I was trying to say was, uh,” his ears get red at the tips, “that I got a room at that Budget Motel by the gas station.”

All Cas can think of to reply is, “Oh, I’d like to see it.”

It makes Dean laugh and wiggle his eyebrows.

“Yeah, yeah wanna come up and see my art collection?” He says. Cas doesn’t know what he’s talking about but he likes that Dean keeps his hand on his thigh while they drive.

++

By the time Cas wakes up for his next shift Dean is gone. There’s a text on his phone that says Sam finally had his breakthrough based on something Cas had said. Then a second one that tells Cas the room is paid through till the end of the week. He can stay in it or not, doesn’t matter to Dean one way or the other. A third one that just says: Thanks.

Cas lays in bed for a moment enjoying the soft sheets and suddenly remembers the ghost.

++++++++++

Thanks for reading :)

[theheartchoice]

If It Was A Straight Mind You Had

dean/cas  |  teen  |  3k  |  canonverse s7  |  ao3 

for @profoundnet‘s bi-weekly Bot Stat challenge.  prompt issued: July 9th 2019 

Dean is working as intended. Cas does not understand that reference. Sam really wants noise cancelling headphones.

Sam's recovering from his Hell-wall being broken down. Cas is "God" (is dead). Dean's just taking each day as it comes - doesn't mean he's forgotten what came before, the bad and the better. 

Dean's been at it for weeks. Baby's never looked so good, honestly. Probably his best work to date. Too bad the reason why harshens the sun-glare off her windshield so much it hurts, tries to blind him. He's gotta turn away. 

Seems every time Baby gets beat to hell it's Hell itself that's been the cause: Demons T-boned her with a semi. Demons tossed her about like a leaf in a storm - and Cas may not have done the deed but he sure as hell was complicit in the crime. 

Not that there's any sense moanin' about it now; that Cas is gone. Million monsters ate him up from the inside out, so Dean can't even chew him out for it. Can't show him how good Baby looks right now either, despite everything that happened to her, everything Cas did. 

Can't fix what Cas broke between them just as easy. But any chance at that is gone now, too. 

And without the Impala to work on, what's he 'spose to do? Can't kill God, so-called. And not-Cas said he'd leave 'em alone if they did the same, so.. Hunting seems the thing to do, right? Get back on that horse and wrangle some bad guys. 

Except.. there's nothing to hunt. 

Godstiel - or whatever the hell they're calling that thing wearing Jimmy's face these days - snapped 'em all straight to Purgatory. Or they're in hiding, and ain't that a pip: Monsters of all kinds all over the States just as afraid as Sam and Dean and Bobby are of the mutant monster-mash claiming the vacancy of God for itself (themselves?). Now they've got nothin' to distract 'em while the new Big Boss makes its way through the continents one madcap miracle at a time. 

But Dean's not one for being idle, so there's really only one thing left to do. 

He'll start with the classics, obviously. Figure out which old girls could make the most of the parts already in the lot. Settle on a few models to switch between while he figures out what else needs to be tracked down, ordered and delivered. 

Maybe this is what he'll do now. Not just today, or next week, but for the foreseeable future (however not-so-far-off that shifty horizon may be). 

He'll do the work he can do. He'll fix cars, because cars can take new parts and borrowed parts, and they can be salvaged from the scrap heap. Put the time and skill into it and they can be restored to their former glory. Maybe something even better. 

Dean can't fix everything that's broke, everything of his that's been damaged, or everything he's had a hand in screwin' up somewhere down the line. 

But this he can do. 

So, until something else comes along - a case or a clue or a Cas-shaped confrontation - this is exactly what he's gonna do. 

   *  *  * 

  He's fine. 

Well, that might be stretching it. Sam's alive, at the very least. 

He's sleeping pretty well, which seems like nothing short of a miracle. Although, miracles are in strange supply these days. There are no dreams, no nightmares, no nothing - and he'll gladly take a dreamless sleep over one edged in Hellfire. Whatever Dean and Bobby did, whatever old or new magic they managed to cobble together for a cure, it seems to be doing the trick. 

First it was only an hour or so, here and there, staggered and tiring in its own right. Now it's six hours at least, every night like normal. Or some familiar concept of normal. Then again, maybe everything they consider 'normal' is due for re-evaluation, for God walks the earth. 

His memories from Hell aren't.. gone, exactly, but they're no longer eclipsing the rest of his mind. He can still feel them, nestled in his subconsciousness, but they're dormant. Inactive. A snapshot of a subreality filed away for review (not likely to happen any time soon) but which no longer draw power from his soul or torment his psyche - which is what had happened: fear and pain transmuting into a second power feed, which in turn strengthened the nature of the hallucinations, seizing control of Sam's reality. 

But, no more. Like he said, he's.. fine. 

It's not without conditions, understandably, because it's not so much a 'cure' as an ongoing treatment. The heady decoction - and he hesitates to call it a 'potion', though that does seem to be the most appropriate term - helping him along needs to be freshly brewed every seven days and drank on an empty stomach (a personal preference, considering what comes after - though sleep swiftly follows, which seems a small but notable blessing, or..). The ingredients don't seem anything special, so the magic ingredient must be in the.. well, in the magic. The incantation as well as the precise brewing process. 

As for everything else, he's relieved there's nothing to hunt, for right now. Sam's not sure he could handle it physically. Generally speaking, he feels queasy and light-headed much of the time - although that, too, has been easing. A little over a month and he can feel his body regaining strength as his mind regains control. It's slow-going, but it is going. 

There's one notable change, though: his senses. 

They fluctuate between intensified and impaired. Everything from vision and olfactory, to balance and pain reception, which one can imagine the affects on simple daily tasks. 

Of a morning, toothpaste is overwhelming, only to have Dean's three-alarm chilli be tasteless by nightfall. Bobby's staircase is a life-or-death hazard at breakfast, but the towers of books that line the halls and walls and interrupt every floorspace are all too-easy to navigate with his eyes closed by sundown. Proximity to the radiator could result in second-degree burns if he's not visually careful, caused by either reduced thermoception or nocioception. And time spent out in the elements can burn him all the same, with summer's UV rays having ten times the impact on his oversensitised skin, not to mention the sun practically blinding him on photophobic days. 

And Sam's never been one to sleep in the nude, but the rough fibres of all of his clothes are unbearable on allodynic nights (not that lying naked on those old flannel sheets is any better, but at least the material is only on one side of his body). 

Dean had noticed something was out of sorts after just a couple of days. That Sam's stumbling over familiar lumps in the carpeting, loss of balance from the kitchen to the couch, newfound aversion to dental care, sudden inability to read antique lettering, and his intermittent lack of working tastebuds and the contrasting hypergeusia, were all signs pointing towards a problem. 

Sam would've said something first, but Dean beat him to it (apparently, it was the four spoons of sugar in Sam's coffee that cemented it - sugar which turned out to be salt; not that Sam could taste either one, at the time). 

Two hours and a pair of maxed-out old credit cards later, they were geared up: a range of prescription and precision-tinted eyewear, triple-protective UVA, UVB and UVC sunglasses, Mongolian cashmere blankets and sweaters (he'd managed to talk Dean out of the onesie recommended on Amazon, just barely), organic bamboo lyocell bedding, an excessive amount of Tiger Balm, fragrance-free soaps, flavourless toothpaste, industrial quality earplugs, and noise-cancelling headphones - just to name a few. 

All with expedited shipping.

The headphones Dean had questioned the necessity of, what with the earplugs and Sam's regular old earbuds. But Sam insisted - not citing the full truth as to why he needed them, merely hoping his emphatic base reasoning would be persuasive enough: What if the foam of the earplugs doesn't conform to my ear canal, Dean? You know how they are. What if they fit but it's not enough to block out the ambient noise of the world? Sleep-deprivation isn't conducive to mental stability. Numerous studies have shown.. - at which point Dean conceded, if only to spare himself a scientific lecture, adding the Bose to their cart while surreptitiously sliding Sam's coffee mug out of reach. 

Of all the items in their online haul, Sam was looking forward to those headphones in particular. He was especially relieved when they arrived two days later - mere hours before an onset of hyperacusis, which happened to coincide with Dean taking some power tools to a beat-up old Mustang. 

Sam loves his brother. And as far as coping mechanisms go, rebuilding something sure beats destroying it. But when he can hear a bolt drop from a hundred yards away, it's only been thanks to some ingenious padding and a couple of sleeping pills that he was previously able to drown out the noise of Dean working out his frustrations on the Impala. 

He didn't tell Dean he could hear every sound as if it were right outside his door, for obvious reasons. With everything that happened with Cas, everything that's still happening, the last thing Dean needs is to turn to the bottle or the nearest bar. That's the last thing Sam wants for his brother. 

Fortunately, 'sensitive ear days', as Dean calls them, are few and far between compared to the rest - however unpredictable their onset may still be. Even so, despite everything, it's a comfort to know he'll be able to sleep past sunrise without a cacophony of sound parading through his ear canals from the other end of the scrapyard. 

   It's late, and Sam's exhausted.

Today was the first day without a hint of nausea from the potion, and the headaches accompanying his sensory fluctuations finally ceased completely after having eased off a couple of weeks back. His energy reserves are sitting at around seventy five percent, which is a huge improvement from the less than twenty percent he had when he first woke up after.. well, before his first dose of the potion, before it really started to work its magic. In any case, all the sensory yo-yo-ing takes its toll, so it's no wonder he needs no help falling asleep come nightfall. 

After a hyposmic morning and a mostly bearable hyperosmic day, there finally comes that everynight lull in the sensory rollercoaster as Sam readies himself for bed. The new bedding, sleep clothes - oh, and a memory foam mattress as well - are all precautionary measures; he still doesn't know what senses will go wild when, so he prepares for all eventualities: Tiger Balm and odour-filter mask sit alongside his charged pair of wireless Bose, all waiting to be called into action from the bedside table. Blackout curtains are fitted to all the windows, and incandescent lightbulbs fitted in every room of the house - on a dimmer, thanks to Dean's own handiwork. 

Not knowing if his eyes or ears will want to murder his phone for waking him, he foregoes the alarm and simply drinks the two glasses of water required to wake him naturally, a reasonable hour after sunrise. 

He has a system, and it works. With Dean and Bobby helping him through each day and with the potion slowly taking that need away as he regains his psychological and physical strength, if things keep advancing as well as they have been the end is in sight. 

Sam's half-beneath the covers when he decides it might be best to put the earplugs in now, since they'll save him from a potentially unpleasant wake-up call in the middle of the night from any number of worldly noises, when a high-pitch tone deafens him out of nowhere - ears popping with the sound, room spinning. 

Palms pressed tight to his ears and suddenly horizontal, he reaches for the Bose―when the tone cuts out as abruptly as it had cut in. The room stills. Just that one brief moment of chaos before everything settles and is.. fine, apparently? 

His hearing, however, isn't so quick to follow. The background noise of the world comes to him garbled, muted, like he's underwater. Maybe his eardrums have burst? But before he can think to panic about a possible non-temporary loss of hearing, the watered distortion thins and the sounds dry out. 

A cupboard door opening; softly closing. A sniffle, a swallow, a shift of clothing against the kitchen counter - a piece of cloth catching on that chip in the counter edge near the coffee-maker, a sigh.. Crap. He knows that sound, that sigh. Knows it so well his stomach drops down into the puddle of potion still working its way through his digestive tract. 

That's Dean. He can hear Dean - from two hallways down and away, through the sound-proofed door of his room. Those are definitely Dean's Timberlands on the linoleum downstairs. Except.. it doesn't hurt to hear it, which is new and intriguing and raising questions Sam's tired body doesn't want to investigate right now. He continues to lay still and listen instead. 

Dean's moving quietly, the kind of soft-stepping of someone who either doesn't want to disturb or doesn't want to be heard, but the sounds are crisp and obvious to Sam's heightened ear: out the back door, over the gravel, gnats throwing themselves against the zapper, Impala door barely whispering a creak as it opens (the rear left door, and maybe his chest swells with a small wave of pride at recognizing that) but Sam hears it loud and clear anyway. 

His hyperacusis has never been like this before. His sensory changes, until now, have been extreme nuisance, not improvement. But, somehow, this feels.. manageable. 

He doesn't need to block the input in any way; It's not painful or overwhelming. Sound is.. amplified, but not all-encompassing. And while he can hear the slow drip of the bathroom faucet in the upstairs bathroom and what his ear knows is Bobby shuffling around in his slippers, he finds he can narrow the focus of his ear just by trying, like an aural squint. 

The distinct impact of water droplets on porcelain fades along with the rubber soles of Bobby's well-worn slippers against the floorboards down the hall. 

Sam hones his ear: downstairs, outside, in the carport adjoining the north wall of the house, he hears his brother's voice - in recorded form - along with the shift of leather in the Impala's back seat, and the tilt and swim of a liquid in an angular bottle. 

There are definitely things about his brother's life Sam doesn't want to know and definitely never wants to hear (again, in some cases). Some of it's actually scarring and best averted (because he has enough scars as it is), but some of it's simply too personal. 

It's not about keeping secrets. It's about respecting privacy. Dean wouldn't want him - or anyone - to know certain things about him, to eavesdrop on his private thoughts, essentially. Because from the aural evidence, Sam knows (or at least, he can make an educated guess) one thing his brother is thinking (or feeling) is that he misses Cas. 

   *  *  *

  It's stupid. Dean doesn't know why he kept it, but he did. And.. maybe he's glad. Because Cas is long-fuckin'-gone no matter what Sam and Bobby say - but he's still right here. And Dean can't help watchin', can't help hearin', can't help but loop the damn thing 'til his half bottle of jack is good n' drained and he can't see straight enough to make out Cas' face - but he knows it, can see it clear on the inside of his lids. And Cas' damn voice is one he'll never forget, even for trying. Because no human could possibly sound like that. None could even come close. 

"What are you doing?" 

"Makin' a movie." If the thought of Sam piping up with some nerd-alert comment or even freakin' looking at Dean with any hint of a joke right now hits him where it hurts, well. No-one's the wiser if he just shoves that feeling away - even if Cas is staring right at him. "Just stand there n' look pretty." The phone pans to Cas' right, capturing the levelled gas station beyond the police barricade. 

Cas had already explained what happened here, sure. But it can't hurt to have a little Angel A-bomb-aftermath on tape for the future. Never know when this sorta thing might come in handy. Best to keep it under the radar, too, just in case Raphael's got eyes nearby. 

Or, whatever. Any excuse to get Castiel - badass Angel of the Lord - looking very much out of his element (which is kinda perfect) as he holds the pose Dean helped him strike: one hand up, fingers paired with space between. If anyone sees them they'll just think they're a couple of conspiracy nutjobs. 

It's freakin' ridiculous. But sometimes in the middle of do-or-die it's this kinda stupid crap that's necessary just to keep folks sane. It's putting a smile on Dean's dial, anyway. 

He zooms in on the blast shadow for a moment before lowering his phone with a signal to Cas. "Alright Nimoy, that's a wrap." 

"I.. don't understand that reference." 

And if a certain someone were here right now Dean wouldn't've even made the reference. Hell, he wouldn't've chosen Spock in the first place. There're just some things you don't want your little brother knowing about you because those things have the potential to wind up as ammo for future battles in a time-honoured prank war. 

But.. he's not here, so.. there's no use hiding. 

"Tell ya what. When all this is over we're gonna have ourselves a little Star Trek marathon." They begin the short walk back to Baby, Cas falling into step beside him. "We'll start with the original, o' course. And I know you don't need to sleep, but probably still a good idea to make a week of it, spread 'em out a bit."

"What exactly is, Star Trek?" 

Coming to a stop at Baby's passenger side Dean takes a breath, considering. He faces Cas head-on, "It's one of the greatest television shows ever made―" and raises his finger in warning, "―and if you ever tell anyone I said that, I will deny it." 'Nuf said. 

Whatever Cas was gonna say next reroutes when something between them catches his eye, steals his attention. "Is that red light a warning of some kind?" 

Following his gaze down, Dean finds it fixed on the phone in his hand - which is still recording. "Sonuva―" 

The clip cuts out―only to cut right back in a half second later as it plays again from the beginning. 

Head tipped back, eyes loose on the Impala's dark ceiling, he can see Cas standing in that dead patch of grass, squinting against the sun. 

What was with that damn squint, anyway? Not like he needed to do it..

As interrogations go, it's not the first thing Dean'd ask if he got the chance. And if things were different, if things weren't so screwed to hell and they had another shot, maybe he'd extend that invite again, set aside a few days to educate a millenia-old celestial being on the genius of one Gene Roddenberry. 

Still not top priority though. 

The only question Dean needs answered is why that stubborn ass of an Angel didn't come to him for help, why he joined forces with the damn King of Hell, why he chose a freakin' demon over a friend - friends don't pull that kinda crap!

In the end, the Apple Pie Life wasn't worth the trade. Fuck.. Dean knew that from the jump. It was hard enough knowing Sam was sulfer-side all that time, and then to come out of it learning he was actually topside and fuckin' soulless - but that ain't Sam's fault. Fact is, Cas had every opportunity to talk to Dean, to ask for help - and Dean would've, in a heartbeat. 

It's not like he told Cas never to stop by. The guy took off before he could tell him it wasn't outta the question. And the whole lack-of-prayin' thing was Dean's choice since he didn't need Cas, didn't wanna bother him.

But finding out Cas needed him, and never said..

The empty bottle drops into the footwell, recorded voices rambling, a tight fist pressing the warmed casing of the phone to his forehead, hard enough to leave marks. 

Cas made a choice. It was the wrong damn one, but it was his to make. Dean couldn't've known. This is on Cas. 

So why does he feel like he failed him? 

It was one damn thing after another: Cas steered clear of Dean, chose the darkest path to wander down. A sheep heading for slaughter and thinking it's freedom. Dean could've helped steer him straight. 

First Dean, then Sam, followed by a wayward Angel on the highway to Hell. 

Bad decisions are catching. 

"... When all this is over …"

It is over.

It's done. Cas brought his own hide to the Devil's market and monsters took their fill. Now they all gotta live with the consequences, gotta live 'em without Cas, and Dean's gotta live with knowing he could've saved him, if only he'd been given the chance.

But this life ain't about giving. It takes, and it breaks, and sometimes it even dares you to care - more than you wanted to, more than you ever thought possible. It shows you things you want that you know you can't have. Doesn't mean you want 'em any less.

Helluva prank. But as any Hunter worth their salt knows, this is a cruel world.

There's no comin' back from this, from what Cas did to himself. Maybe they can take down this mutant-God—maybe. They gotta try, at least, because that's what they do: find a way, somehow, no matter what, right? Pull a miracle outta their ass in the final play. That's what they do best.

But for right now, Dean's got no idea how they'll manage this one. Sam's on the mend, sure, but they're still down a guy.

Things are different, now. Things are never gonna be the same again.

[blackphoenixalchemylab]

Lilith’s Winter Travelogue: New Perfume Blends

In winter of 2017, we used our savings, blew our collective airline miles, and maxed out our credit cards on a trip to Paris, Salzburg, and Berlin so that we could attend a Krampuslauf, visit the Christmas markets, and help Lilith practice her French in realtime. I’m pretty sure that we’ll be paying off that trip for the next decade, but it’s all worth it. We travel with our daughter Lilith as much as we can; we take her to conventions and business trips and trade shows, we take her on road trips and weekenders, we have taken her to as many cities, states, and countries as we could manage.

I want her to meet people who are not like her. I want her to hear voices that are not like her own. I want her to see history alive and vibrant surrounding her. I want her to see, hear, touch, and understand. I think she could stop here and do miracles. The following collection is a perfume scrapbook of these warm family memories, which we set aside to share during the coldest winter months. Lilith and Brian (our Doc Constantine!) have contributed scents and stories to this series. You can find Ted’s scrapbook of the trip there, too!

++ LILITH’S WINTER TRAVELOGUE

A BALMY 26 DEGREES

These three are far braver than I am. It was snowing buckets and the wind was whipping across the Fuschlsee, but these maniacs still went into the outdoor hot tub.

A wintry spa scent: green tea, aloe, eucalyptus, icy lemon, and French sage.

ARC DE TRIOMPHE CARROUSEL

Once the site of a guillotine that rolled the heads of thirty-five people during the Terror, now the site of a triumphal arch dedicated to Napoleon’s military victories of 1805.

Also: my family is ridiculous.

A sharpened blade, a pinch of snuff, a blast of gunpowder, and a pop of strawberry bubblegum.

AT THE KRAMPUSLAUF

I know I’ve talked about Lilith’s experiences with Krampus for years, so I hesitate to reiterate them here. She loves Krampus. Her love for Krampus easily equals her love for Santa, so in 2017, we took her to the Gnigl Krampuslauf in Salzburg (which we memorialized in our 12 Lashes From Krampus and Perchtenläufe series). She was enraptured. She was charmed by the wee little kid Krampuses, the Perchten, the switches, and the chains. She loved the snow and icicles, the roadside cider vendors and the bitterly cold air. I love this photo; it really seems to encapsulate her joy that night: the sparkle in her eyes and her bursts of laughter.

Ice, leather, and snow warmed by a steaming stein of children’s glühwein.

BEARS OF BERLIN

Even in utero, Lilith had a full head of hair. She looked like a Monchhichi when she was born, and from the moment I first saw her, I called her Bear. She’s my Baby Bear, Bunnybear, Bearington, Beanie Bear. I made up bear bedtime stories for her – we still tell each other bear jokes all the time. Every time I see a bear video or meme, I save it for her, my little Princess Bear.

While we were in Berlin, we made a point of taking photos with as many Buddy Bears as possible. They’re intended to symbolize peace, tolerance, and understanding between religions, nations, and cultures worldwide, and Lilith knows how important that is – especially now.

Sweet buttered rum, brown musk, wildflower honey, tonka bean, labdanum, and clove.

BEWARE: PICKPOCKETS!

Brian: “Lilith is always up for staging a hammy, fun photo. Here, I’ve found a Distracted American Child at Weihnachtsmarkt am Alexanderplatz and am very subtly and skillfully picking her pocket.”

Lilith: “We saw a sign on the ground that said Pickpockets! – and me and Unkie decided to pose like what the picture looked like. He let me pickpocket him for real after we took the picture and he let me keep the money.”

Neon pink grapefruit, lemon peel, petitgrain, and peppermint, all crunchy with sugar crystals.

BYE, AUSTRIA!

Lilith: “Nooooo! I don’t want to leave Salzburg!!!! I loved how it snowed, and I loved the food. I piled up on bread, mostly, but the bread was really good. And honeycomb. And bacon and sausage and eggs. I loved the outdoor hot tub thingymajigger. Being in a spa when it’s so cold outside is fun. I love the Christmas markets and I got unicorn and bat stuffy heat packs which is so cool.”

Brian: “I agree with Lilith’s sentiment on this. All the cities we visited were great, but Salzburg was the most charming. I loved the Christmas markets in Berlin, but Salzburg was… – quainter? I loved the gruff and distant replies we got to questions we posed to locals. I LOVED THE KRAMPUSLAUF. You can’t beat a Krampuslauf. Plus, I got a fancy hat. A legit fancy Tyrolean hat. I love that hat.”

This scent? Sachertorte.

C’EST ICI L’EMPIRE DE LA MORT

Our trip to the Catacombs was bittersweet. Lilith was touched by the beauty and poignancy of the experience, but also horrified by the stories of people getting lost underground.

Lilith surrounded by the ghosts of six million Parisians: damp black moss, grey sandalwood chips of bone, and winding sheets of balsam, ambergris, nagarmotha, and frankincense.

CATHEDRALE NOTRE-DAME DE PARIS

Lilith meets the Gargoyles of Paris: stone and ancient incense, beeswax and lavender smoke. 

CREPE AUX FRAISES

Lilith’s first genuine Parisian crêpe!

Strawberries, whipped cream, confectioners sugar, vanilla bean, and orange zest.

DIE JUNGFRAU

Brian: “She’s my Mini Me.”

Lilith: “This was me and Unkie posing for a picture with a play thing going on in the background at the ice rink in Alexanderplatz. I didn’t understand it because it was all happening in German, but it was fun!! I love my Unkie so much. He’s like my older twin. We have the same birthday and we are both year of the Rat. Mom is a stinky ol’ Tiger. Anyway, I just love him so much.”

Virgo’s sacred lavender and mosses with thyme, chamomile, lemon balm, and fig.

ELLE EST HEUREUSE

It was pouring rain and bitterly cold, but this smile kept me warm.

Wrought iron lattice and sparkling amber lights.

FIRST MORNING IN PARIS

We were exhausted, hungry, and batty from travel, but Lilith made herself right at home. She’s a born traveler, and takes just about everything that happens on a trip in stride; she’s as comfortable in a hotel, hostel, or airport floor as she is at home. Just before dawn on our first morning in Paris, I tried to talk Lilith into putting on a coat and watching the sun rise with me, but she’s didn’t bite.

Burgundy oudh and crushed velvet musk with a misting of lavender.

GALERIE DES GLACES

Lilith in the Hall of Mirrors: marble and gilded bronze, Venetian mirrors and a drop of poison.

GORDIAN HAIRMOP

Brian: “It’s something we always do when we’re on a trip, ever since she was really little. She complains constantly about how Beth brushes her hair, and I honestly enjoy the challenge of brushing her mop. It’s like that knot Alexander had to undo, except on my niece’s head, and I don’t have the option to cut it. Plus, her hair looks really nice when it’s done right.”

Lilith: “Every time we’re on a trip together, Unkie brushes my hair for me. I hate brushing my hair. Also cuz mom says I don’t do it thoroughly and I miss parts in the middle. I think there are pictures of him brushing my hair in every city we’ve ever been together. He brushes my hair way better than mom does.”

A warm scent, mahogany-dark: spiced teakwood, coffee bean, bourbon vetiver, styrax, tobacco, and oakmoss.

HELLO, SALZBURG!

Inspired by the deep purple hues of the night we arrived in Austria: icy air, plum musk, and blackberry with a beam of amber light.

HOHENSALZBURG FORTRESS

An absolutely stunning view of the Baroque historical district from high atop the Festungsberg.

A shiver of iced chocolate and white amber.

LA BASILIQUE DU SACRE COEUR DE MONTMARTE

Perpetual adoration of the Blessed Sacrament has been continuing uninterrupted since 1885, and I wanted Lilith to see the monstrance where the Blessed Sacrament is held.

An incense for the Maid of Orléans: red rose beads, frankincense, lily of the valley, iris petals, red labdanum, and steel.

LA JOCONDE

There is nothing mysterious or enigmatic about my kiddo’s smile. Her joy, laughter, and good cheer radiate delight and are impossible to eclipse, even when she’s jetlagged and exhausted.

Bright Italian bergamot, pink grapefruit, sweet California sage, and glittery white musk.

LE CARROUSEL DE MONTMARTRE 

Spinning merrily at the foot of Sacré-Cœur, this is one of twenty permanent carousels scattered around Paris. Just down the road, Lilith watched street hustlers play Three-Card Monte and ply the old gold ring scam.

A swirl of color against a rainy backdrop: golden amber and blackberry oudh with pineapple, tobacco absolute, cinnamon leaf, bay, sweet vetiver, and red apple pulp.

LILITH DE MILO

A lesser-known work of art in vibrant 21st century polychrome: vanilla cream, coconut, fossilized amber, and white sandalwood.

LILITH’S FIRST ICICLE

The only icicles we get at home happen when we have a fridge malfunction.

Plucked from the walls of Hohensalzburg Fortress: a glassy frozen snowdrop with whipped cream and glacial musk.

MOMMY’S LITTLE M16 AGENT

Lilith learning the art of spycraft at Deutsches Spionagemuseum.

A pre-teen superspy’s secret identity: white pear, apple pulp, golden musk, and fossilized amber.

MORNING AT FUSCHLEE

Salzburg is so goddamn beautiful.

Chilled white tea, freesia, and bergamot blanketing skeletal branches. Winter wind brushing across still waters.

NEPTUNBRUNNEN

Brian: “No one else would come out onto the rink. It was just Lilith and me skating, and Beth and Ted were trying to get pictures. I was trying to teach Lilith to skate while dodging penguins and other tourists. There’s a pretty funny photo of Lilith falling and me lunging to catch her, and the funny part is that it’s angled in a way that almost looks like I’m pushing her down. We skated together a ton that night, and she insisted that we go back again the next night.”

Lilith: “I’ve ice skated before when I was littler with a thingy, but this is the first time I really learned how to ice skate. Unkie helped me when I wasn’t using the penguin and he skated me with a lot and helped me learn how to do it. I fell down a lot, but that’s fine.”

Sugared chestnut and powidltascherl.

OU SONT LES JOUETS S’IL VOUS PLAIT

Lilith’s French teacher is a lovely, kind, radiant human being, and always so generous with her time. Before Lilith left for Paris, she helped Lilith put together a cheat sheet of phrases that Lil knew she’d need for the trip.

Où sont les jouets, s’il vous plaît? French vanilla, strawberries, and raspberries.

OVERLOOKING THE GARDEN

While we were at Versailles, there was a bomb threat on the premises, and we were unable to see the garden due to the evacuation. It’s difficult to convey how challenging and heartbreaking it has been to explain things like this to Lilith, from shooter drills at school to bomb threats in palaces. We live in difficult times.

A perfume of hope for a brighter tomorrow: sun-dappled amber, yesterday’s rain, and fresh-cut grass.

PANTHEON!

All right, so we only saw the Panthéon for a moment because Lilith wanted to hurry the hell up and get some crêpes, but I can’t with this smile. It’s THE BEST.

An incense for Sainte Geneviève, patroness of Paris: iris root, frankincense, and violet leaf.

PERSPECTIVE

Lilith’s guide at the Louvre was attempting to explain the difference in perspective between Medieval and Renaissance art by utilizing paintings of the Nativity and the Adoration of the Shepherds from both periods, and it fell a little flat when he assumed that she knew what the paintings depicted and she hadn’t a clue beyond the fact that they were paintings of a lady holding some baby.

Oops? Sorry, mom!

The scent of failing to pass on a Catholic education to the next generation: spilled sacramental wine, a splatter of vermillion paint, Bible leather, and a puzzled cherry chypre.

POTSDAMER PLATZ TOBOGGAN

Brian: “Now this shit was fun. When we arrived in Berlin, we stopped by the Potsdamer Platz market for a few minutes on our way to the hotel, but we didn’t stay for long because we were all exhausted. We check into the hotel, and I open the curtains in my room and Lilith and I see the lights of the market… and this ride, this alpine slide, that we must have walked right by in the dark. Lilith and I knew we had to do it first thing in the morning.”

Lilith: “There was a humongous slidey thing where you sit in a pool thingamajiggy and slide down it. And you have to carry your pool thing up the stairs. Ok, so DAD had to drag it back up the stairs for me. Anyway, I went on it a bunch with my Unkie and my dad, and mostly mom took photos. AS USUAL. This was one of my favorite things in Berlin!”

A tube of black rubber sliding wildly down a whoosh of white musk and white oudh.

SCHEITERHAUFEN VOM BOSKOP APFEL

Okay, this isn’t a photo of Lilith, but it IS a photo of a dessert I had on the first night in Salzburg. It was delicious and amazing and perfect, and it gets its own scent.

Baked apples in cinnamon cream, with a blueberry and raspberry garnish.

SNOW BEAR

Lilith put on my boots to run out into the snow this morning in her pajamas. Ich wünsche dir einen guten morgen!

Pink cotton candy snow, tuberose, plumeria, melon blossom, green tea, lavender, and a shiver of white musk.

SNOW OF THE GRAVESTONES AT PETERSFRIEDHOF

Lilith at Petersfriedhof, the oldest cemetery in Salzburg. As the bells of Stift Sankt Peter tolled around us, we wandered through the graves and the catacombs that date back to Late Antiquity.

Benedictine incense drifting on a frost-chilled December breeze.

SNOWFLAKE-SHAPED SNOWFLAKES

We’re such ridiculous LA rubes. We were standing outside our hotel laughing, oohing and ahhhing, and taking photos of snowflake-shaped snowflakes, when an Austrian fellow walks up to us and says, “Snow.” I told him that we’re from Los Angeles, so snow is super exotic to us.

He nodded and walked away.

The awe and wonder of a couple of Angelinos marveling at the snowy snowness of the snowflakiest of snowflakes: golden amber, California sage, white tea, and sunny Matilija poppy speckled with snow.

SQUELETTE ET FANTOME

My two favorite spectres, haunting the apartments of Paris: white musk, graceful lavender, blackcurrant, teakwood, and cacao.

SWING CAROUSEL

Brian: “I’m not afraid of heights, but I am reasonably afraid of landing, and I have what I feel is a legitimate concern about rickety old carnival rides. I kinda hate carnival rides, but I’ll do it for Lilith.”

Lilith: “Mom says this ride is called a Swing Carousel, but she also calls it a Barf Ride. She wouldn’t go on it, but my dad and my Unkie did. We went on it, and it’s pretty much where you’re sitting in a flying seat. When we were stopped, I couldn’t reach the ground with my feet. I love this ride. The swing is kinda like one of those baby things you have at the park, with the bar for the babies. It’s like those swings, but crazy and way up high. We ate cheesy hot dogs and got hot chocolate right next to the ride, too.”

Bright orange peel and osmanthus with polished cedar, rings of burnished amber, sweet incense, and gingerbread.

THE HOHENZOLLERN CRYPT

Beneath the Berlin Cathedral lies the Hohenzollern family crypt. It is the final resting place of many of those who shaped the history of Berlin, and is one of the most important dynastic burial sites in Europe, with roots reaching back through centuries.

The memory of an 18th-century perfume from the royal houses of the Holy Roman Empire drifting through marble-white walls: white bergamot, clementine, lime peel, grapefruit, blood orange, neroli, lavender, thyme, and tobacco.

THE UMBRELLA INCIDENT

Travel brings educational experiences that you just can’t predict. We visited the German Spy Museum in Berlin on a whim, and Lilith learned all about the history of espionage, data encryption, cryptography, and cypher machines, poisons and truth serums, and the strange and clever artifacts of Cold War spycraft. For me, the most interesting part was the Stasi’s collection of scent samples of German dissidents. For Lilith, the best part of the museum was dodging beams in the laserparcours, full Mission Impossible-style.

Here, Lilith is inspecting the poisons exhibit after watching a reel about the Bulgarian umbrella.

Leather shoe phones, the gleaming metal of a M-125-3 Fialka cipher machine, a femme fatale’s heady, dark perfume, and a breath of castor bean accord.

THUTMOSE’S NEFERTITI

While we were at the Ägyptisches Museum und Papyrussammlung, I desperately wanted to see the Nefertiti bust and share the moment with Lilith. There’s a story behind why the bust is so important to me, but that’s for another time. Suffice to say, I was overwhelmed with awe and joy, and a kind docent told me that we could take a photograph from the doorway as long as we didn’t use flash. This blurry mess is my best attempt!

Myrrh steeped with cardamom, cinnamon, and sweet wine, streaked with lines of labdanum kohl, and gilded with crushed ambrette seed, a copper oxide musk, and accords of lime spar and iron oxide.

TRAVEL BUDDIES

Brian: “Here, we’re en route to Frankfurt Flughafen and then off to Berlin. It’s always fun to travel with Lilith. We’ve been on a lot of trips together, going all the way back to her first trip out of LA when she was 1. We went to New Orleans that time. We’ve traveled for work and we’ve traveled for fun, and everything is a little bit more interesting when I’m with this kid.”

Lilith: “I remember being in a t-shirt in the freezing cold here because I took my jacket off in the airport because it was so hot. I love travelling with my Unkie.”

A reinvigorating travel survival oil containing essential oils of frankincense, lemon, eucalyptus, peppermint and rosemary. Leave it to the Virgos to have a practical oil here.

UBI BENE, IBI PATRIA

Lilith once told me that home is wherever her loved ones are. My sweet girl, may you always be surrounded by those who love and support you.

White musk and lavender, frankincense and amber incense, sugar cookies, rose petals, and Florida Water.

VIRGO SNOWBALL

Brian: “Our first morning in Salzburg, I wake up to the sound of something thudding against the window. I look outside, and Lilith is out in the snow throwing snowballs at our door. So, I put on all my snow gear – mittens, hat, boots, overcoat, the whole pile of stuff – as fast as I can, and I go outside and I realize this kid is in her just in her long johns and her mom’s snow boots, standing in the snow laughing. Beth comes out yelling for her to put her snow clothes on and to get out of Beth’s boots because she was getting snow in them. She gets changed, and we run around snowball fighting.

“There’s another story – an inside joke – that if my feet get cold wherever we are, we have to go home. But I’ll save that for another time.”

Lilith: “You can’t tell in the picture, but I’m in my jammies here under my coat and stuff. Me and Unkie had a snowball fight. We tried to build a snowman, but it very much failed. Unkie got me a lot with the snow, but I got him back!”

A scent the color of the sun rising over Lake Fuschl: a joyful lemon ginger cologne with a touch of bay leaf and white tea.

WEIHNACHTSMARKTE

The first Christmas market that we visited in Berlin was at Potsdamer Platz. We were completely wiped from the day of travel from Salzburg, but we were stubbornly determined to at least step into the market before collapsing into bed.

The scent of brightly frosted lebkuchen, warm mutzenmandeln, and chocolate-drizzled, marzipan filled schneeballen.

YULETIDE AT HEATHROW

Honestly, there are a lot of smells in any given airport that I probably shouldn’t translate into a perfume, but this particular scent was inspired by this radiant ribbon tree at Heathrow and the joyful little girl standing in front of it.

Sparks of snow-white musk dotted with shining bulbs of blackcurrant, plum, and lavender.

ZONKED IN PARIS

Even the most intrepid adventurers get sleepy.

Coffee, coffee, and more coffee for the grownups, and vanilla ice cream to en’sugar the kiddo out from her stupor.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #188

“don’t you try to hide with those angel eyes.”

Would you rather take a walk in the cold rain, or in the blistering heat? Ha, the rain, any day. What is your favorite card game? Magic: The Gathering. If it were revealed that religion in its entirety did not actually exist, would your outlook on life be any different? No. If you had the chance to slip through a portal, despite being aware of any of effects and/or consequences, would you do it? No. Which parent was more strict when you were growing up? Mom. Worst facial hair, in your opinion: The pedo mustache. You know the one I'm talking about. Have you ever eaten dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets? Yes, I like, demanded we get those instead of regular as a kid lol. McDonalds, do you like it or does it disgust you? I honestly don't see why people hate it?? Do you like the state you live in? No. Did you ever own a Tamagotchi? I believe so. What do you hope you grow out of? The laziness I have with chores oops. What is the healthiest and unhealthiest thing you do on a regular basis? Healthiest, drink at least one bottle of water... even though I know that's nowhere near where I'm supposed to be lmao. Unhealthiest, drink soda. What is the most embarrassing thing you own? Ummmm idk. What is the strangest habit you have? I have to go use the bathroom literally right before I lay down for bed. Doesn't matter if I did ten minutes ago, I /have/ to go again because if I feel even a damn drop in my bladder, I can't sleep. What movie made you cry the most? The Notebook, probably. Titanic really got me, too. What was one of the happiest moments of your childhood? Getting my dog. What’s your favorite vacation memory from when you were a child? Watching the fireworks above the castle at Disney World. What impression do you try to give when you first meet someone? I try to be very polite. Who or what inspires you to be a better person? Mark. What’s the TLDR description of your last relationship? I didn't like him like that. If you found out your current life has been just a dream, would you choose to wake up? (You don’t know if your real life would be better or worse.) No. Well... do I ever wake up? If I was going to at some point, then I would, as I'd just be hurting myself by living in a word I would only leave. What dumb thing did you believe for a really long time? I'm not even remotely kidding, I didn't put together what "PMS" stood for and thought it was about mood swings 'n shit *during* your period until a few months ago. Where would you like to retire? I'm not thinking of that yet. What brings you the most joy in life? Talking/being with Sara. How many windows are on the upstairs part of your house? We don't have an upstairs. Do you own many hats? I have a Carolina Hurricanes one somewhere from going to a game with Dad, maybe two actually, but idr where they are or if I even still have them. When was the last time you were kept off school/work etc because of snow? I haven't been in school in a long time and I'm unemployed. Have you ever taken an underwater picture? No. Ever been on a ride and hated every second? Not seriously. I went on one I was terrified of (one of those circles that goes waaay up and then abruptly drops you) just to step out of my comfort zone, but I didn't hate it. Scared tho. What were an average day’s tasks at your favorite job you’ve had so far? I most certainly don't have a favorite. Does your car have a backup camera? I don't have my own car, but Mom's doesn't. Are you working on any goals? Yeah, not going well. :') Do you enjoy reading? Not particularly... I kinda just stopped enjoying it, but I also associate it with the hospital because that and coloring was all I ever did. The only thing I really *enjoy* reading is our RP because I'm so deeply invested in our characters, but even then, I procrastinate reading long posts. I'm genuinely trying to start reading again, though... I used to adore it. Are you interested in politics? No, though I should care. Did/Do you enjoy high school? Not usually 'cuz I was a depressed shit. Have you ever watched The Golden Girls? YES Ma and I love that shit. Did you ever like the Ninja Turtles? No. Ever been in a meaningless relationship? Tyler, yes. Does anything on your body hurt right now? Not at this very instant. Know anyone on birth control? Most girls I know + myself. Would you go swimming right now if you could? Yeah, that'd be nice. How long was your longest relationship? Over 3 1/2 years. What are you looking forward to in the next 3 months? My birthday. Have you ever gone frog hunting? No. Who’s the last person to seriously hurt you? Mom. Do you like getting dirty? NO. Are you a very flirty person? No. Who was your favorite babysitter? "Uncle" Donny. Do you swear? I think I make that pretty obvious. Are you gullible? Not usually. What is the last dream you remember? (describe) A nightmare with Dad that I don't really remember the details of. What is something that you fear will happen to you in the future? (Also why) I'll develop Alzheimer's. "Why" is obvious. Thankfully, it doesn't run in my family at all. Describe the best day that you can remember? First day at Sara's. Describe your worst day? The night of the breakup. What are some of your favorite songs right now? The SYN remix of Slipknot's "Psychosocial," "Incense and Iron" by Powerwolf, the "Closer" cover by Asking Alexandria, "Sex Metal Barbie" by In This Moment... I really have a lot rn. Do you ever have reoccurring nightmares? Describe? I've had four nightmares with my dad, all with horrible themes. I guess you could call that "reoccurring." Name a fictional place you would like to go? Take. Me. To. Azeroth bitch. Stormheim in specific, or Feralas. What criminal (dead or alive) would you like to sit down and talk to and why? None. If you read books, what are you reading now? I'm very, very slowly reading The Fault in Our Stars. Do you think that forgiveness is mandatory to move on from something? No. I still don't know if I forgive Jason, yet I'm over it. Do you believe in the death penalty? In extreme cases, yup. Some people have no right to life following some crimes. What is something you want to do but are scared of actually doing it? Ride a rollercoaster. Name three things you would buy if you had the money to buy them? A PS4, drawing tablet, another tat. Are you in a relationship right now? If so, do you think it’s a healthy one? Definitely! (Follow up) If it’s unhealthy, what makes it that way? N/A Would you ever date someone long distance? I am now. Name a person that you can’t stand and tell us why? My former best friend for a plethora of reasons. What group do you hate the most on Tumblr and why? SJWs. I'll stay away from "why" because I have extremely strong feelings and don't wanna offend anyone. What is the meanest thing you have ever done to someone, and why? Messaged Jason before leaving for the ER, directly blaming him. I mean the cause was what he did, but like... you don't fucking contact someone telling them "hey I'm off to the ER because I'm suicidal because of you." I don't care what I feel about him now, that was fucked up. Have you ever sent anon hate to someone? Nope. If you could write a book, what would it be about? I actually think it'd be pretty cool to create some sorta novel series involving all the RP stories, like divide the books into each mob's story... If you could make one rule that everyone had to follow, what would it be? Don't exhibit violence. If you could star in a movie, what kind of movie would it be? ONE W/ TIM BURTON. In your opinion what is something horrible everyone should try once? ?????????????????????????????? What is the hardest lesson that you have ever learned? Someone can fall out of love with you. What mistake do you keep making over and over again? Jumping to conclusions. If you could have a video of one event in your life, what would the video be? The moment Sara and I met. What is the most illegal thing you have ever done? Pirated a computer game I desperately wanted to play afsjjwoeuqowe I'm glad I don't have it anymore, that guilt. People in the past were buried with things that were important to them, what would you be buried with? The pebble from Holly Hill. What is something you are against, but find yourself doing anyway? Being sarcastic as hell when I'm mad. What was the last photo that you took? A leaf, I think. What are your favorite lyrics from a song? Probably "a bloody war behind my eyes; I'll come all right on the other side." Have you ever hit someone? Who and why? Nicole when we were little for making me mad over something I don't remember. What do you think they should teach in school that they don’t? Basic adult skills. What’s your favorite language? German. It sounds so powerful to me, especially in metal ajsfoawoejaw. What’s the most vivid dream you’ve ever had? I don't remember. Who’s your favorite celebrity? Korean Jesus. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? Rebel's Market rip. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant? No, far from on my to-do list. I don't support them in the very least. How many tattoos do you have? Six. If you don't have any, have you ever thought of getting one? N/A When's the last time you ate a homegrown tomato? Like, '16 on a sandwich. Are you a good cook? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Do you know how to pump your own gas? No. What do you think about the most? The future. What do you do most when you are bored? Watch YouTube. Which came first: the chicken or the egg? Chicken. What kind of books do you like to read? Fantasy. How far away from your birthplace do you live now? Like, <10 minutes. Ever been stung by a jelly fish? No. Could you cope with the paparazzi if you were famous? FUCK NO SOMEONE WOULD GET KNOCKED OUT. Do you wear foundation? Veeeeery rarely. Would you ever adopt? If I actually wanted kids, sure. Are you sexually active? No. Last person you sang happy birthday to? Sara. <3 Was the last jacket you wore yours? No. Last thing you won? Uhhhh good question. What level of brightness do you usually keep your phone at? A bit above the middle. Have you ever attended a religious or private school? Well, I went to Sunday school. How many cars does your household own? One. What's your favorite meat? Ummmm pork or chicken. What's the best amusement park you've ever visited? Well, Disney World. How old were you when you got your first car? I still don't have one lol. Do you know anyone who's gotten pregnant over the age of 40? I don't think so? Who does most of the grocery shopping in your home? Mom. Are you listening to music right now? If so, what's the theme of the lyrics? "Adrenalize" by In This Moment. Sex, like it seems most of their songs are about lmao. What movie/game/etc. helps you calm down? Shadow of the Colossus. What does your room smell like? Dog, probably. Do you like to organize? Not particularly. What song is your aesthetic? "She" by Dodie is so Soft and Good. Do you believe in auras? Maybe? Idk. What do you wish you hated, but actually like? Blood On The Dance Floor. I've never really looked into the concrete facts, but I know supposedly they've been sexually involved with those underage. I like a good number of their songs, though. Is there someone you have mixed feelings towards? I'm sure there's someone. Do you prefer space or the ocean? Spaaaaace. What form of government do you like the most? (capitalism, socialism, etc.) Honestly? I don't know actually what they are and I don't care enough to research. What do you think our purpose is in the universe? Hell if I know. Is there a song you can’t handle listening to, even though you like it? "Stairway to Heaven." What ex do you miss the most, if you have one? I most miss who Jason was, not who he became at all. But it doesn't matter, I have someone way more important now. What is your favorite thing to learn about? Meerkats. What country’s history do you find the most interesting? Idk. What breakup was the hardest, if you had one? lol y'all know Do you have someone where you can’t decide if you like them romantically or just as a friend? Not anymore. Do you have any strange interests? RP. What is a topic you are uncomfortable with discussing with most people? Sex. What is something you dislike about the dating world? People don't seem to take love seriously. What gives you confidence? Feeling knowledgeable on the subject. Have you ever dated someone with very different sexual tastes than you? No. Well, not that I know of. I've only been sexual with one. Have you ever said anything you regretted while drunk? No. Has anyone ever been extremely jealous of you? Do you know why? Idk. What was the angriest your parents ever were at you? Dad, idk. Mom, probably when I said "fuck you." That was a night. Or when she tried to kick me out of the car for some argument I can't remember. What was the longest you stayed in your own home for? Weeks, I'm sure. Right now, what is your number one desire? Get a job. Do you feel as though someone ‘won’ in your last break up? No. Whatever happened to the first person you ever loved? I haven't spoke a word to him in almost two years, idk and idc really. Are you currently healthy? In some ways, but no in most. What is something most people are turned on by but you’re not? Extremely muscular men, like wrestlers. Has anyone in your life changed drastically (for better or worse) since you met them? How? Not that I can think of. What song reminds you of good times from high school? "All Signs Point to Lauderdale" by AD2R ironically lmao. Have you ever inherited something? What and from who? No. Who is the last baby that you held? Keegan. Do you know of any twins with rhyming names? No. Last time you saw fireworks? Long time ago. Do you have a black dog? Teddy has some black on him. Do you have a top price where ethics and morality are no longer an issue? No. Well, I guess it depends. What is the greatest physical challenge that you have accomplished? Losing ~60 lbs. Have you ever played naked Twister? No. If tattoos didn't hurt and you could get anything, what would it be? The #1 tat I want is dA's NukeRooster's painting "Denialism" (I got her permission), but I'm going to have to go to an extreme professional, and it's gonna be priiiiiiiceeeeeeey. Have you ever been ghosted before? No. Did you ever get caught watching porn? No, because I've never watched it. Were you ever the bully? No. What's the worst prank someone has ever done to you? Idk.

[juliarecipes]

Roasted pork (veprova pecene) with sauerkraut (zeli) and fluffy dumplings (knedliky) is one of the national iconic meal, you will find in Czech cuisine. For those who loves comforting meals with a splash of beer (Pilsner), this is the green card.

INTRODUCTION TO CZECH ROAST PORK

For those, who had been following my blog for long enough, knows, that I originate from the Czech Republic. The recipes from my mom’s kitchen are very dear to my heart. And this time I am going to share with you, one of the most popular dish of the Czech Republic. I will walk you through this homemade recipe with all the little details and tricks, it will be like a walk in the park.

Pork meat is one of the most flavorful meats on the Earth. No wonder, that many of us loves “the bacon”. The ideal cut for this dish is boneless pork shoulder roast cut. For the roast to be enough flavorful, we need little of fat on it, thus we choose this cut. Do not worry about that fat, we will be roasting it slowly, so all this fat will transform in juices or will become nicely crunchy, like the bacon.

  Roasting the pork is the simplest task from this whole recipe. Simply start preparing the roast, by washing it and drying it with paper towel. Use pair knife to make 9 holes on the top of the roast and place 9 small garlic cloves inside. If the garlic cloves are too large, cut them in half and use only half amount of garlic cloves. Season it with salt and pepper, on both sides. In a dutch oven or any other cast iron pot reheat vegetable oil and sear 1 large chopped onion for 2 – 3 minutes. Push the onion on the side of the dutch oven and add more oil. Sear the roast on both side, for about 1 minute each side.

Leave the roast in the dutch oven and add 1 large bay leaf, caraway seeds and 5 balls of allspice. Add 2 cup of water and place it in the preheated oven 350 F / 180 C for 30 minutes, uncovered. After 30 minutes of roasting, reduce the heat for 325 F/ 160 C and continue roasting for another 1 hour, covered. After one hour of roasting, uncover and roast for another and final 30 minutes.

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Use the juices to brush it over the roast time to time. Let sit the roast in the dutch oven (covered)  for 20 minutes, before you will slice it. The roast needs to rest, so the juices stays well in the meat and it will be easier to slice the meat. If the water evaporates quickly, add more water, make sure that 1/3 of roast is always covered with juices.

You might be interested in other Czech traditional recipes:

CZECH ROASTED DUCK WITH RED CABBAGE & DUMPLINGS

CZECH ROASTED BEEF WITH CREAM VEGETABLE SAUCE & DUMPLINGS (SVICKOVA)

CZECH SWEET DUMPLINGS FILLED WITH STRAWBERRIES (JAHODOVE KNEDLIKY)

HOMEMADE CZECH SWEET PASTRY FRGALE (KOLAC)

CZECH PRESSED COTTAGE CHEESE CHEESECAKE (TVAROHOVA BUCHTA)

THE BEST CZECH APPLE STRUDEL (JABLECNY STRUDL)

TRADITIONAL CZECH GOULASH (HOVEZI GULAS)

DUMPLINGS

These dumplings are the fluffiest of all dumplings I have ever made. You can’t go wrong with this recipe, it always comes out so perfect. These dumplings are steamed, thus all the fluffiness. I would suggest to actually start preparing the dumpling even before roasting the pork. These dumplings are not hard to make, it’s just more time-consuming, because of the double rising of the dough.

Start making the starter from instant yeast. I have always trouble finding here in Canada fresh yeast, so I got used to of the instant yeast. But even, if instant yeast is great to just toss in the flour for bread making, it’s not ideal dumpling dough. In this case, we need to let rise the instant yeast to achieve the fluffiness of dumplings. Place instant yeast in small bowl and add warm milk, sugar and mix it well with spoon to obtain creamy texture. Cover with plastic food wrap and let stand in warm place for 10 minutes. (preferably on the stove, where your oven gets reheated for the roast). The starter should double in size.

In bowl of a stand mixer, add flour, egg, salt and yeast starter and mix low speed. Add slowly warm milk until the dough gets well combined. If it looks too dry and doesn’t want to come together, add spoon by spoon extra warm milk. Knead the dough with hook attachment on low speed, for 10 minutes. Remove it from thestand mixer and place the dough on lightly floured surface. Shape a ball from the dough and place it back to the bowl and cover with plastic food wrap. Let rise for 40 minutes in warm place. If you don’t have a stand mixer, knead the dough with your hands for 10 minutes.

  The dough must double in size. After first rise, punch the dough in the bowl, it will slightly deflate. Cut the dough in 4 equal pieces and shape 4 dumpling logs. Place them on baking sheet covered with food wrap or parchment paper. Cover those 4 dumpling logs with clean cotton kitchen towel and let rise for another 20 minutes in warm place.

In a large casserole, bring water to boil and place steam basketin it. Place 2 logs of dumplings in one casserole. Cover and lower the heat on medium-low and steam for 20-25 minutes. Remove the dumpling logs out of the casserole and poke them with toot pick at least on 10 spots, so the extra steam can escape. Otherwise, the dumplings will shrink. Cut the dumplings with sawing thread. Yes this one might sound funny, but even non-scented dental floss will be perfect for cutting the dumplings. The reason why, is that the dumplings are so fluffy, simple knife would ruin the shape of the dumpling (simply the dumpling would get squished).

SAUERKRAUT

I hope you are not too discouraged, it might sound difficult to make this delicious dish, but I promise you, this is the last step and it’s all worth this work. Wait, when you will be sitting at the table, cheering with a Czech beer, saying, there you go, I did it!

  Sauerkraut is the simplest to make. Little of vegetable oil on reheated pan, fry medium onion until slightly brown (about 5 minutes on medium high heat). Add sauerkraut and season with salt and pepper. Pour over cup and half of water, cover and simmer for 20 minutes on low heat. At the end add 1 tsp of sugar and 1 tsp of flour, mix until smooth and cook for another minute. Serve the roasted pork with dumplings and sauerkraut. Drizzle all with roasted pork juices including the roasted onion.

  TIPS & TRICKS

If you don’t have dutch oven, you can use any roast pan and  sear the onion and roast pork on the side on skillet and then place it in the roast pan.

If you love sweet roasted onions, use 2 large onions for the roast pork. Onion brings lots of flavours in pork roast recipes.

The dough for dumplings needs to double in size, make sure you rise the dough in enough warm place. I always use my window in sunny days or if you are reheating oven, then the stove is perfect place to rise the dough.

If you don’t have large steaming basket & casserol, use the one you have at home. But make sure your dumplig logs will double in size in the steamer, so divide the dough accordingly. My casserol’s size is 10 inch and I used collapsible steamer basket.

Sauerkraut is sold mostly in jars with fermented water and sometimes this water is very sour or acid. This is why I am using sugar to sweeten it up. Strain the sauerkraut in this case and don’t use the fermented water. Even though this water has a lot of vitamine C and probiotics, it’s taste is way too strong, so discart it.

  RECIPE

ROASTED PORK WITH SAUERKRAUT AND DUMPLINGS

Preparation time total: 1.5 hours  ⭐cooking time total:  3 hours⭐ servings: 4-6 persones

INGREDIENTS:

For the pork roast

1 6- pound ( 2.7 kg) boneless pork shoulder roast

9 small garlic cloves

2 tbsp + 1 tbsp vegetable oil; divided

1 large onion, chopped

1 large bay leaf

1 tsp  caraway seeds

5 balls of allspice (Jamaican pepper)

salt & pepper

2 cup water

For the dumplings

1 kg all-purpose flour

1 large egg

500 ml warm milk +100 ml for the yeast starter

salt

2 tsp instant yeast

1/2 tsp sugar, granulated

For the sauerkraut

1 pkg sauerkraut

1 tbsp vegetable oil

salt & pepper

1 cup water

1 tsp sugar, granulated

1 tsp all-purpose flour

INSTRUCTIONS:

Roast

Take room temperature boneless pork shoulder roast and make 9 small holes on the top of the roast. Place 9 small garlic cloves inside.

Season with salt and pepper. Let aside.

Preheat oven 350 F / 180 C.

In a dutch oven or any other cast iron pot reheat vegetable oil on medium high and sear 1 large chopped onion for 2 – 3 minutes. Push the onion on the side of the dutch oven and add 1 more tbsp of vegetable oil. Sear the roast on both side, for about 1 minute.

Remove the dutch oven from the heat and leave the roast inside. Add large bay leaf, caraway seeds and balls of allspice. Add 1 & 1/2 cup of water and place it in the preheated oven for 30 minutes, uncovered. After 30 minutes of roasting reduce the heat to 325 F/ 160 C and continue roasting for another 1 hour, covered.

After one hour of roasting, uncover and roast for another and final 30 minutes. The roast must reach internal temperature 160 F/ 75 C. Use the juices to brush over the roast time to time.

Let the roast sit in the dutch oven (covered)  for 20 minutes, before you will slice it. Serve with dumplings, sauerkraut and drizzle with juices from the roasted pork.

Dumplings

Place instant yeast in a small bowl and add warm milk, sugar. Mix it well with spoon to get creamy texture. Let it stand in warm place for 10 minutes. The started should double in size.

In a bowl of stand mixer with hook attachment; add flour, egg, salt and yeast starter and mix  on low speed. Add  warm milk slowly, until the dough gets well combined. Knead the dough with hook attachment on low speed for 10 minutes. If you don’t have a stand mixer, knead the dough with your hands for 10 minutes.

Shape the dough in ball and place it back to the bowl and cover with plastic food wrap. Let the dough rise for 40 minutes in warm place. The dough must double in size.

After first rise, punch the dough in the bowl, it will slightly deflate. Place the dough on lightly floured surface and cut the dough on 4  equal pieces. Shape 4 dumpling logs and place them on baking sheet covered by food wrap or parchment paper. Cover those 4 logs of dumplings with clean cotton kitchen towel and let rise for another 20 minutes in warm place.

In the meanwhile, in large casserole with steam basket bring water to a boil. Place 2 logs of dumplings in one casserole. Cover and lower the heat on medium-low. Steam the dumpling logs for 20-25 minutes.

Remove the dumpling logs out of the casseroleand poke them with toot pick. Cut the dumplings with sawing thread or unscented dental floss. Serve!

Sauerkraut

In a large skillet, reheat vegetable oil and sear chopped onion for about 5 minutes or until slightly brown.

Add sauerkraut and water.

Season with salt and pepper.

Cook covered, for 15 -20 minutes or until the water will slightly evaporate.

Add 1 tsp of sugar and flour and cook for another 1 minute uncovered. Serve!

Disclosure: Please bear in mind that some links in this post are affiliate links and if you go through them to make a purchase I will earn a small commission, to support this blog. Keep in mind that I link these companies and their products because of their quality and not because of the commission I receive from your purchases. The decision is yours, and whether you decide to buy something is completely up to you.”

  CZECH ROAST PORK WITH SAUERKRAUT & DUMPLINGS Roasted pork (veprova pecene) with sauerkraut (zeli) and fluffy dumplings (knedliky) is one of the national iconic meal, you will find in Czech cuisine.

[clairelunarlove-blog]

A Negative in a Negative World (Pt 1)

I’m in pain. It’s important to understand that if you go through this. In the matter of less than 12 hours I’ve experienced more pain than ever before. Over the last 3 months, my husband and I have been going to a fertility clinic. I’ve wanted children since before I was even capable of reproducing. I’ve never been “regular” with my cycles. I’ve had them since I was 11. For the first 2 years they tried to even out. After that, my body just gave up trying to be “normal”. I started taking birth control to regulate my cycles. A few years on it and I got off of it. Simply because I wanted to start a family. I got married at 18. Moved 2 states away from my friends and family. After awhile of no success I went to the OB/GYN to see what the problem was. Ignorantly, I didn’t realize how important a regular cycle was to reproduction. At the age of 19 I was diagnosed with “a hormonal problem”. Not much info, eh? I shrugged it off. Fast worward to age 21. I went back to the doctors to get a more definitive diagnosis. PCOS. I went to my mom’s work, 2 minutes away from the clinic and bawled my eyes out. It was my fault. Not my husbands, but mine. Fast forward 2 years. 2014. I had split from my ex. I was 23. I started dating someone new from my new job. We hit it off. After a few years of dating we became engaged. We’d lived together the majority of the time. We got engaged in July of 2017. We got married in April of 2018. 2018 was a horrible year though. I’d been diagnosed with an incurable virus and had lost contact with all of my friends. I suffered from “voluntary” alcoholism that year and had spiraled into a dark state, despite my recent wedding. My husband and I purchased a house in September of that year as well. 2019 was a year of change. Healthy change. I reconnected with my 3 best friends. I sent messages apologizing to the people I had hurt in the past few years. I was turning a leaf. By the end of 2019, beginning of 2020 I had a new attitude. December of 2019 my husband and I decided to contact a fertility clinic I’d got a recommendation from. Our first consult was December 17. Fast forward 3 months later. I’ve had multiple tests. Invasive, painful, expensive. I’ve tried 3 different medications to induce ovulation. I was granted 1 egg. After 3 weeks of daily, self given shots, the universe gave me 1 egg: which is what anyone else (regular) gets. I was still thankful. After 2 failed oral medications, these shots were our last shot before IVF. I finally had 1 egg that was bigger than 10mm. My left ovary hadn’t done anything in that time. And my right only capable of one. So on March 6 after 3 weeks of shots, and months of mediations and supplements, we did an IUI. Intrauterine insemination. He didn’t really have any problems with mobility or count, the blame solely rested on my body. But since we’d invested thousands of dollars in such a short amount of time, I wanted to spend an extra $500 for the procedure just to be safe. Instead of leaving it up to chance with timed intercourse. Test in 2 weeks they said. March 21. Today, officially. Unfortunately, when I woke up today, March 20th, I went to the bathroom and discovered my period had started. All I’ve done is cry on and off today. My husband had just gone to the store this morning to pick up a few groceries and a pregnancy test. And I didn’t even need to use it anymore. I know some people still have it at the beginning, or even light ones throughout their pregnancy. But this was MY body. MY luck. And where my body, my cycle, my desire of parenthood is concerned, it’s Murphy’s law. Anything that can go wrong, will. It doesn’t matter that I had 1 egg like everyone does. It doesn’t matter that it was of a good, healthy size. It doesn’t matter that I’d listened to the docs and had intercourse Thursday evening, the procedure Saturday morning and intercourse again Saturday evening. It doesn’t matter that I’ve maxed out credit cards, drained our savings and damn near emptied our regular banking account on supplements, medications, shots and copays over the last 3 months.

[ecodweeb]

Electrify America brings out Energica quirks ahead of roadtrips

If you’ve followed me on Instagram, you’ve seen my posts about working with BTCPower to do connector testing at the Raleigh and Wake Forest sites for the Electrify America (EA) project. I got to be involved due to a gentleman who came to the National Drive Electric Week event we held in Brentwood Park. Mike bought a 2018 Nissan LEAF after talking with owners at our event, and he shares my fervor on seeing this technology spread to the masses. He also happens to work next to the EA site in Raleigh, and he began talking with the contractors as the site was under development. It was these conversations that led to the site coordinator with BTCPower to invite Mike, me, and a few of our friends to do connector testing.

Connector testing is rather boring. They need to check each and every plug to ensure that the vehicle establishes connection and charges for at least one minute. They were pretty cool about charging us all up to 80%. I actually had to go do some runs around the parking lot to get my battery low enough to do the testing. 

We discovered a quirk of the Energica while doing the testing: if the credit card processing takes too long, the bike goes to sleep before the session starts. The dispenser will issue a wake up command, but it never would initiate the charge once that happened. With all EA sites, you have to unplug and reconnect the cable in order to start a new sessions. It also turns out that if the Energica has too many of these failed DCFC initializations, it’ll reset to factory defaults -- the time will revert to 12:00, the trip meter will show the exact odometer mileage, the display is set to night mode, and the units are in metric. It doesn’t take long to reset these options, but it’s annoying. I’d only seen this once before - during a big rainstorm with lots of lightning ground strikes. We hypothesized that the electromagnetic fields that occurred with the near by strikes may have caused it to happen. I prefer to think the bike is a person, got scared, and pooped its pants -- ie, reset itself. The resetting to defaults is a repeatable quirk, as it happened again when we tested the Wake Forest location. It seems to be 3 or more failed initializations in a row will trigger the reset. This isn’t a huge bug, but it does remind you that this is first generation technology we are playing with.

Speaking of Wake Forest, that location is a little unique. It is a “slow site,” meaning that all the dispensers are 50kW max output with at least one Level 2 station. All the other sites I’ve been to are 150kW and two sites (Henderson and Rocky Mount) have 320kW stations. I was the lone tester at the Wake Forest location, Mike was kind enough to trade cars with the BTCPower manager so that they could get the testing done. I plugged into all 5 CCS cables and the Level 2. We tested on a Wednesday and on Friday morning the site was listed as being live on the EA website and PlugShare. Pretty cool! However, Raleigh hadn’t been marked as active...

Turns out, they laid out Raleigh wrong. There were not enough parking spaces for the number of Dispensers, and worse, the CHAdeMO cable was set in such a way that a LEAF needed to parked half way in the space to plug in. Mike filed a complaint with the EA 800#, and he relayed the issue to the BTCPower people (who don’t do the physical installation, just the wiring and configuring). They got that message to the right people, and the CHAdeMO dispenser was relocated and the parking lot was reconfigured to allow for 7 spaces for the 6 dispensers. I’ve been highly impressed with EA’s customer service and response to feedback. Speaking of, they called me yesterday to let me know that the Raleigh site was now live. I’d checked earlier in the day and it wasn’t listed as in operation. I was very pleased that they kept their word to call me back, and called me the moment it went live. Naturally, I had to dig out the bike and go be the first customer (and first PlugShare check in).

I’d love to say that the first dispenser worked on the first go, but it didn’t. Pro tip: if the dispenser fails with a charging error - try another one, do not try the other cable on the same unit. I called EA customer service and he walked me through some troubleshooting and we got the first dispenser to work. I’m really glad to see this network getting its initial footprint. It’s going to play a crucial role in my upcoming roadtrips. Destinations I intend to visit using EA sites before the end of July: Gettysburg, Washington DC, Richmond, and Atlanta. I might also have a competitive challenge in the works, but I don’t want to say too much about that right now... 

[anothermindofwonder]

Autumnal nights spent curled up in a sweater, candles lit on the nightstand with a book in hand, and early brisk mornings, walking through the blanket of rich-colored leaves under the cold sunlight peeking through the bare branches. Endless hours spent at the library, looking out the window at the red, orange, green-fading-yellow trees and the children running around, while having a hot mug of tea wrapped in my hands have been some of the many ways I have been spending my autumn.

Each season has a special part about it that I love, but Autumn is definitely the most visually pleasing.  It’s been the most peaceful time so far this year despite how much busier I have been. I’ve been able to explore new things, new ideas, thoughts, and found gems to share:

  Venetia Berry – I only found Venetia on Instagram a few days ago, and her art captured me. It’s simple, and complicated. Her website contains more of her art if you want to look at it more.

Dead Poets Society – The first time I watched this was last year. I didn’t appreciate it enough and knew I hadn’t, which is why when I saw it on Netflix on the night of my birthday, I sat up until 11 p.m. on a Thursday night with my thai food and cake, knowing that I had school the next day. Robin Williams was a master in his craft, and the entire story that is told in this film, is tragically beautiful.

  You Are A Badass – This has become my bible. I have been obsessing over this book to several of my friends. There is so much that this book talks about that I hold to myself. It is empowering, guiding, nurturing, and eye opening to all the excuses we make and silly, dumb, little things that we do that hold us back from thriving. Highly highly highly recommend picking up this book.

The Mothers – A secret romance leading to an unexpected problem, with lingering conflicts after its cease. The first book I couldn’t put down in a long time. Bennet’s writing style is capturing, and simplistic, and her story is obsessive.

Lolita – Such a controversial book; beautifully written, a great masterpiece by Vladimir Nabokov, but the topic is so messed up. But so good, but so wrong. I felt very conflicted while reading this, but loved it at the same time.

The Princess Saves Herself In This One – I spent an hour sitting on the cold shiny floor of Target reading Amanda Lovelace’s collection of poetry, and though I haven’t read it all, I know I am going to really enjoy it from the few that I have already read. Her story is heart-wrenching and capturing, and her words are beautiful.

  Mom jeans – You know the jeans: high waisted, loose, and the most comfortable, fashion sensible piece of clothing ever. Finally got myself four pairs at the thrift shop and they are now one of my favorite things I own.

Red – Lipstick, nails, sweaters, pens, the leaves contrasting against the crisp, blue sky— this color has been haunting me everywhere. It has become a staple to my wardrobe, and is now “my” color. With my blue eyes, it brings a lot of depth to my face that I love, and all I have to put on is a dark or bright red lipstick, and I am ready to go.

A bold lip – Just pop on a bold liquid lipstick, some mascara, put the lipstick in my bag, and I am out the door, and looking good.

  Natasha, Pierre, and the Great Comet of 1812 –  This musical album has consumed my autumn, and it feels so nice to fall back in love with a Broadway musical after so long. I cannot express how many times I have played “Dust and Ashes” over and over and over. It’s stunning, and Josh Groban’s voice is a masterpiece; the cast is complex, diverse, and unique; the entire musical is beautiful. Highly, highly recommend taking a listen to this. My favorite songs are ‘Dust and Ashes’, ‘Charming’, ‘Letters’, and ‘No One Else’.

Dear Hank and John – A funny, random podcast where they answer strange, obscure questions with the best advice they can scrape together. Walking down red and orange leaf-pasted sidewalks, earbuds in while cars pass by in a faint hum, it’s been my favorite thing to listen to for entertainment.

Iron and Wine – In preparation to seeing him in concert next weekend, I have been listening to his new album, ‘Beast Epic’, almost everyday. It’s great for background music, or to play at night, or to just sit with earbuds in, laying on your bed, and closing your eyes, and just listening to.

Slowing down – Despite all of the things I have done this season (which is a lot more than normal), I have finally slowed down and been able to be productive and take in life at the same time. Take a break to breathe, look at the world around you, put time into your work, and suddenly you begin to truly admire each day you live through and all that you do. Life gets too loud at times, too congested, and too fast. Take time to sit and breathe and think, truly listen to people, look at what is around you. Just for a moment.

Playing ukulele – Since school started, I’ve been learning how to play the ukulele as a class, and I have fallen in love with being able to create music. So much so that I have already written a song, and found a ukulele to call mine.

Thrifting – This is one of my favorite things to do now because 1. it’s cheap and affordable and 2. it is amazing for the environment and 3. the clothing there is unique. Rarely will you find someone else with the same piece of clothing or accessory that you find at the thrift. There is a lot of really cool stuff that can completely change your wardrobe.

Walking – I live in a small college town, so everything is in walking distance. Biking is usually my go to, but as the leaves have been changing and the air has altered itself to a comfortable temperature, I have really enjoyed walking. Go to the library, to the quaint little coffee shop, to the park, or just around town for a break from schoolwork. There’s so much more you can take in, more time to think, to experience, to be present, and overall, I have enjoyed it a lot.

Deleting my social media apps – I deleted the apps off of my phone for a week in the middle of October after finding that I was constantly on my phone and I was stressed out because there was so much I needed or wanted to do, yet I would reach for my phone several times, wasting away hours and hours of my. And it was the best week so far. I got so much done, and was happier, and found a love in reading again that I had been missing.

Learning – Analyzing literature, and working everyday to advance my French, I’ve been on a learning kick. I have always tried to broaden my knowledge, learn new skill, and overall better myself. But specifically recently, I’ve been reading a lot, and studying a lot. I’ve been using apps like Duolingo and Tiny Cards, while watching Crash Course on Youtube, and those help a lot.

Library – Probably my favorite place now. I have a little nook beside a large window sill, and a plant behind me, surrounded by the large print books that I have been going to almost everyday after school to get my work done.

John and Hank Green – These two brothers, quickly became a favorite when I came across their YouTube channel, Vlogbrothers, during a time when I was really down, and disconnected. Their personalities, the way they think, and just who they are as people in general.

People – My family has grown into being “people” as I have gotten older. There isn’t the facade that used to always be there when I was younger, but now I see them as the people, the humans they are, the ones that make mistakes, that have history to them, that they are, or were, just like me. And it’s begun to spread to everyone I see. Everyone has a story, a history, things they smile at when recalling the memories, or the regrets that weigh down their chest, and I want to learn more about these people that congest our planet.

Just being, and living – Sometimes, you have to let go of fear; let go of all that you are paranoid— just gone— and be.

  What went up on the blog?

Who are you?// 5 tips to get to know yourself better

Awaiting a dream (Self #3)

Perception

and more! Every week there is a new blog post on Sunday. What were some of your favorite things this month? Let me know what you want to read for future blog posts, and I hope you have an amazing day!

As always,

  Autumn Favorites Autumnal nights spent curled up in a sweater, candles lit on the nightstand with a book in hand, and early brisk mornings, walking through the blanket of rich-colored leaves under the cold sunlight peeking through the bare branches.

[sierrafcortney2]

Not Sure How To Handle Your Finances?

If your finances give you headaches but you are afraid to buy an aspirin, don’t worry. Instead, read the tips in this article so you’re able to make your situation better. With the proper education, you can turn your finances around.

Success in business can be directly related to money management. Investing capital wisely and guarding profits sensibly will increase your wealth. You will see a return on your investments by managing profits. You should always invest the same percentage of your profit.

Today is a volatile time; it’s wise to diversify your investments. A savings account, check account, high interest account and stocks will help you make the most of your cash. Use all or some of those ideas to keep your money safe.

Always know when to file your income taxes with the IRS. If you want to get the money quickly, you’re going to want to file as soon as you can. If you owe the government money, file as close to the deadline as possible.

Solid plans make for solid finances. Sticking to a set of objectives is a great way to stay on track and remain within your budget.

Credit Card

Instead of having a credit card close to its limit you can use more than one credit card. The interest should be a lot less on two or more cards than it would be on the one that is nearly maxed out. Keeping lower balances on two cards, rather than maxing out one card, protects your credit scores and can even improve your credit history if you keep both cards paid on time.

There are ways to negotiate with debt collectors. They are likely a junk debt buyer who bought your debt for 10 cents on the dollar or less. As a result, they can also offer some savings to you. Use this knowledge to your advantage to avoid paying debts in full.

Try not to get too much money from a student loan, unless you’re able to repay it back. If you attend an expensive school while you aren’t completely sure what career you are wanting, then you could wind up in a large amount of debt.

Set up payments on a monthly basis when you are paying credit cards. When you can’t completely get rid of your credit card debt, making regular monthly payments will improve your credit history. Automatic debit is the best way to avoid late payments.

It is natural to make mistakes and bad decisions. You can request a waived fee for a one-time bounced check from your bank. This will probably only work once, though. If you have a flawless record of maintaining your balance and avoiding overdrafts, the bank might see it as a one-time mistake.

It may take a little more effort and distance, but you can save a great deal of money over time by using only the ATMs of your bank, credit union, or thrift. While your cards may work just fine in ATMs that belong to other institutions, they will not hesitate to add finance charges to every transaction you make. These can add up to a significant amount of wasted money.

If you live paycheck to paycheck and coming up short more often than not, you should consider an overdraft protection plan at your bank. This minimal fee can save you a lot of money on overdraft fees in the long run.

If you don’t already have one, open a new flexible spending account. You won’t be taxed for this money; therefore, you are saving more.

Think about how you really feel about financial matters. You can’t begin to improve your situation until you fully understand the financial decisions that you’ve made. Create a list outlining how you think about materials or money so you can figure this out. You’ll then be able to trade in those feelings for healthier ones.

Pay your debts and don’t entertain the possibility of new debts. It sounds relatively simple, however, most of us have difficulty with it. Do not take on any more debt; chip at it a little at a time. If you word at this diligently, you will eventually find yourself debt-free and able to enjoy financial freedom!

Individual Retirement Account

Make contributions to an IRA, or individual retirement account, if you have eligibility. That can only help your financial situation in the long term. Anyone interested can open an individual retirement account with a bank, brokerage firm, or credit union. Regularly contributing to your IRA will allow you to enjoy a financially secure retirement.

Every little step you take towards repairing your finances helps. Make your own coffee at home instead of getting one at the local cafe. Brewing your own coffee can save you about $25 a week. Instead of driving your automobile, ride the bus. Doing this can easily save you a couple hundred dollars every month. This money will accumulate and you can use it for your retirement fund or for a good investment. Those things are more important than an expensive cup of morning coffee.

If you find yourself with a surplus at the end of the month put the money you have left over into savings instead of wasting it on something unnecessary. Try to stick to your budget and do not let yourself suffer.

Now that you have a better understanding about personal finances, you should feel relief from your stress. Apply all of the information you gained today so that your financial future can look promising. Remember to continue teaching yourself about personal finance to continue to grow. Turning over a new financial leaf could be the start of a savings account and a new, debt-free life! Enjoy all the new possibilities!

The post Not Sure How To Handle Your Finances? appeared first on Credit Repair Quick Fix.

from Credit Repair Quick Fix https://creditrepairquickfix.com/not-sure-how-to-handle-your-finances/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=not-sure-how-to-handle-your-finances from Credit Repair Quick Fix https://creditrepairquickfix.tumblr.com/post/623403540145111040

[davidferrer13]

Not Sure How To Handle Your Finances?

If your finances give you headaches but you are afraid to buy an aspirin, don’t worry. Instead, read the tips in this article so you’re able to make your situation better. With the proper education, you can turn your finances around.

Success in business can be directly related to money management. Investing capital wisely and guarding profits sensibly will increase your wealth. You will see a return on your investments by managing profits. You should always invest the same percentage of your profit.

Today is a volatile time; it’s wise to diversify your investments. A savings account, check account, high interest account and stocks will help you make the most of your cash. Use all or some of those ideas to keep your money safe.

Always know when to file your income taxes with the IRS. If you want to get the money quickly, you’re going to want to file as soon as you can. If you owe the government money, file as close to the deadline as possible.

Solid plans make for solid finances. Sticking to a set of objectives is a great way to stay on track and remain within your budget.

Credit Card

Instead of having a credit card close to its limit you can use more than one credit card. The interest should be a lot less on two or more cards than it would be on the one that is nearly maxed out. Keeping lower balances on two cards, rather than maxing out one card, protects your credit scores and can even improve your credit history if you keep both cards paid on time.

There are ways to negotiate with debt collectors. They are likely a junk debt buyer who bought your debt for 10 cents on the dollar or less. As a result, they can also offer some savings to you. Use this knowledge to your advantage to avoid paying debts in full.

Try not to get too much money from a student loan, unless you’re able to repay it back. If you attend an expensive school while you aren’t completely sure what career you are wanting, then you could wind up in a large amount of debt.

Set up payments on a monthly basis when you are paying credit cards. When you can’t completely get rid of your credit card debt, making regular monthly payments will improve your credit history. Automatic debit is the best way to avoid late payments.

It is natural to make mistakes and bad decisions. You can request a waived fee for a one-time bounced check from your bank. This will probably only work once, though. If you have a flawless record of maintaining your balance and avoiding overdrafts, the bank might see it as a one-time mistake.

It may take a little more effort and distance, but you can save a great deal of money over time by using only the ATMs of your bank, credit union, or thrift. While your cards may work just fine in ATMs that belong to other institutions, they will not hesitate to add finance charges to every transaction you make. These can add up to a significant amount of wasted money.

If you live paycheck to paycheck and coming up short more often than not, you should consider an overdraft protection plan at your bank. This minimal fee can save you a lot of money on overdraft fees in the long run.

If you don’t already have one, open a new flexible spending account. You won’t be taxed for this money; therefore, you are saving more.

Think about how you really feel about financial matters. You can’t begin to improve your situation until you fully understand the financial decisions that you’ve made. Create a list outlining how you think about materials or money so you can figure this out. You’ll then be able to trade in those feelings for healthier ones.

Pay your debts and don’t entertain the possibility of new debts. It sounds relatively simple, however, most of us have difficulty with it. Do not take on any more debt; chip at it a little at a time. If you word at this diligently, you will eventually find yourself debt-free and able to enjoy financial freedom!

Individual Retirement Account

Make contributions to an IRA, or individual retirement account, if you have eligibility. That can only help your financial situation in the long term. Anyone interested can open an individual retirement account with a bank, brokerage firm, or credit union. Regularly contributing to your IRA will allow you to enjoy a financially secure retirement.

Every little step you take towards repairing your finances helps. Make your own coffee at home instead of getting one at the local cafe. Brewing your own coffee can save you about $25 a week. Instead of driving your automobile, ride the bus. Doing this can easily save you a couple hundred dollars every month. This money will accumulate and you can use it for your retirement fund or for a good investment. Those things are more important than an expensive cup of morning coffee.

If you find yourself with a surplus at the end of the month put the money you have left over into savings instead of wasting it on something unnecessary. Try to stick to your budget and do not let yourself suffer.

Now that you have a better understanding about personal finances, you should feel relief from your stress. Apply all of the information you gained today so that your financial future can look promising. Remember to continue teaching yourself about personal finance to continue to grow. Turning over a new financial leaf could be the start of a savings account and a new, debt-free life! Enjoy all the new possibilities!

The post Not Sure How To Handle Your Finances? appeared first on Credit Repair Quick Fix.

from https://creditrepairquickfix.com/not-sure-how-to-handle-your-finances/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=not-sure-how-to-handle-your-finances

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Not Sure How To Handle Your Finances?

If your finances give you headaches but you are afraid to buy an aspirin, don’t worry. Instead, read the tips in this article so you’re able to make your situation better. With the proper education, you can turn your finances around.

Success in business can be directly related to money management. Investing capital wisely and guarding profits sensibly will increase your wealth. You will see a return on your investments by managing profits. You should always invest the same percentage of your profit.

Today is a volatile time; it’s wise to diversify your investments. A savings account, check account, high interest account and stocks will help you make the most of your cash. Use all or some of those ideas to keep your money safe.

Always know when to file your income taxes with the IRS. If you want to get the money quickly, you’re going to want to file as soon as you can. If you owe the government money, file as close to the deadline as possible.

Solid plans make for solid finances. Sticking to a set of objectives is a great way to stay on track and remain within your budget.

Credit Card

Instead of having a credit card close to its limit you can use more than one credit card. The interest should be a lot less on two or more cards than it would be on the one that is nearly maxed out. Keeping lower balances on two cards, rather than maxing out one card, protects your credit scores and can even improve your credit history if you keep both cards paid on time.

There are ways to negotiate with debt collectors. They are likely a junk debt buyer who bought your debt for 10 cents on the dollar or less. As a result, they can also offer some savings to you. Use this knowledge to your advantage to avoid paying debts in full.

Try not to get too much money from a student loan, unless you’re able to repay it back. If you attend an expensive school while you aren’t completely sure what career you are wanting, then you could wind up in a large amount of debt.

Set up payments on a monthly basis when you are paying credit cards. When you can’t completely get rid of your credit card debt, making regular monthly payments will improve your credit history. Automatic debit is the best way to avoid late payments.

It is natural to make mistakes and bad decisions. You can request a waived fee for a one-time bounced check from your bank. This will probably only work once, though. If you have a flawless record of maintaining your balance and avoiding overdrafts, the bank might see it as a one-time mistake.

It may take a little more effort and distance, but you can save a great deal of money over time by using only the ATMs of your bank, credit union, or thrift. While your cards may work just fine in ATMs that belong to other institutions, they will not hesitate to add finance charges to every transaction you make. These can add up to a significant amount of wasted money.

If you live paycheck to paycheck and coming up short more often than not, you should consider an overdraft protection plan at your bank. This minimal fee can save you a lot of money on overdraft fees in the long run.

If you don’t already have one, open a new flexible spending account. You won’t be taxed for this money; therefore, you are saving more.

Think about how you really feel about financial matters. You can’t begin to improve your situation until you fully understand the financial decisions that you’ve made. Create a list outlining how you think about materials or money so you can figure this out. You’ll then be able to trade in those feelings for healthier ones.

Pay your debts and don’t entertain the possibility of new debts. It sounds relatively simple, however, most of us have difficulty with it. Do not take on any more debt; chip at it a little at a time. If you word at this diligently, you will eventually find yourself debt-free and able to enjoy financial freedom!

Individual Retirement Account

Make contributions to an IRA, or individual retirement account, if you have eligibility. That can only help your financial situation in the long term. Anyone interested can open an individual retirement account with a bank, brokerage firm, or credit union. Regularly contributing to your IRA will allow you to enjoy a financially secure retirement.

Every little step you take towards repairing your finances helps. Make your own coffee at home instead of getting one at the local cafe. Brewing your own coffee can save you about $25 a week. Instead of driving your automobile, ride the bus. Doing this can easily save you a couple hundred dollars every month. This money will accumulate and you can use it for your retirement fund or for a good investment. Those things are more important than an expensive cup of morning coffee.

If you find yourself with a surplus at the end of the month put the money you have left over into savings instead of wasting it on something unnecessary. Try to stick to your budget and do not let yourself suffer.

Now that you have a better understanding about personal finances, you should feel relief from your stress. Apply all of the information you gained today so that your financial future can look promising. Remember to continue teaching yourself about personal finance to continue to grow. Turning over a new financial leaf could be the start of a savings account and a new, debt-free life! Enjoy all the new possibilities!

The post Not Sure How To Handle Your Finances? appeared first on Credit Repair Quick Fix.

source https://creditrepairquickfix.com/not-sure-how-to-handle-your-finances/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=not-sure-how-to-handle-your-finances from Credit Repair Quick Fix https://creditrepairquickfix.blogspot.com/2020/07/not-sure-how-to-handle-your-finances.html

[creditrepairquickfix]

Not Sure How To Handle Your Finances?

If your finances give you headaches but you are afraid to buy an aspirin, don’t worry. Instead, read the tips in this article so you’re able to make your situation better. With the proper education, you can turn your finances around.

Success in business can be directly related to money management. Investing capital wisely and guarding profits sensibly will increase your wealth. You will see a return on your investments by managing profits. You should always invest the same percentage of your profit.

Today is a volatile time; it’s wise to diversify your investments. A savings account, check account, high interest account and stocks will help you make the most of your cash. Use all or some of those ideas to keep your money safe.

Always know when to file your income taxes with the IRS. If you want to get the money quickly, you’re going to want to file as soon as you can. If you owe the government money, file as close to the deadline as possible.

Solid plans make for solid finances. Sticking to a set of objectives is a great way to stay on track and remain within your budget.

Credit Card

Instead of having a credit card close to its limit you can use more than one credit card. The interest should be a lot less on two or more cards than it would be on the one that is nearly maxed out. Keeping lower balances on two cards, rather than maxing out one card, protects your credit scores and can even improve your credit history if you keep both cards paid on time.

There are ways to negotiate with debt collectors. They are likely a junk debt buyer who bought your debt for 10 cents on the dollar or less. As a result, they can also offer some savings to you. Use this knowledge to your advantage to avoid paying debts in full.

Try not to get too much money from a student loan, unless you’re able to repay it back. If you attend an expensive school while you aren’t completely sure what career you are wanting, then you could wind up in a large amount of debt.

Set up payments on a monthly basis when you are paying credit cards. When you can’t completely get rid of your credit card debt, making regular monthly payments will improve your credit history. Automatic debit is the best way to avoid late payments.

It is natural to make mistakes and bad decisions. You can request a waived fee for a one-time bounced check from your bank. This will probably only work once, though. If you have a flawless record of maintaining your balance and avoiding overdrafts, the bank might see it as a one-time mistake.

It may take a little more effort and distance, but you can save a great deal of money over time by using only the ATMs of your bank, credit union, or thrift. While your cards may work just fine in ATMs that belong to other institutions, they will not hesitate to add finance charges to every transaction you make. These can add up to a significant amount of wasted money.

If you live paycheck to paycheck and coming up short more often than not, you should consider an overdraft protection plan at your bank. This minimal fee can save you a lot of money on overdraft fees in the long run.

If you don’t already have one, open a new flexible spending account. You won’t be taxed for this money; therefore, you are saving more.

Think about how you really feel about financial matters. You can’t begin to improve your situation until you fully understand the financial decisions that you’ve made. Create a list outlining how you think about materials or money so you can figure this out. You’ll then be able to trade in those feelings for healthier ones.

Pay your debts and don’t entertain the possibility of new debts. It sounds relatively simple, however, most of us have difficulty with it. Do not take on any more debt; chip at it a little at a time. If you word at this diligently, you will eventually find yourself debt-free and able to enjoy financial freedom!

Individual Retirement Account

Make contributions to an IRA, or individual retirement account, if you have eligibility. That can only help your financial situation in the long term. Anyone interested can open an individual retirement account with a bank, brokerage firm, or credit union. Regularly contributing to your IRA will allow you to enjoy a financially secure retirement.

Every little step you take towards repairing your finances helps. Make your own coffee at home instead of getting one at the local cafe. Brewing your own coffee can save you about $25 a week. Instead of driving your automobile, ride the bus. Doing this can easily save you a couple hundred dollars every month. This money will accumulate and you can use it for your retirement fund or for a good investment. Those things are more important than an expensive cup of morning coffee.

If you find yourself with a surplus at the end of the month put the money you have left over into savings instead of wasting it on something unnecessary. Try to stick to your budget and do not let yourself suffer.

Now that you have a better understanding about personal finances, you should feel relief from your stress. Apply all of the information you gained today so that your financial future can look promising. Remember to continue teaching yourself about personal finance to continue to grow. Turning over a new financial leaf could be the start of a savings account and a new, debt-free life! Enjoy all the new possibilities!

The post Not Sure How To Handle Your Finances? appeared first on Credit Repair Quick Fix.

from Credit Repair Quick Fix https://creditrepairquickfix.com/not-sure-how-to-handle-your-finances/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=not-sure-how-to-handle-your-finances

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Who's the greatest goal-scorer of all time?

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Who's the greatest goal-scorer of all time?

The Buzzer is the new email newsletter from CBC Sports. Subscribe here to get it delivered directly to your inbox every weekday.

Today’s edition of The Buzzer was written by Jesse Campigotto.

OK, here’s what you need to know right now from the world of sports, plus a (hot? you decide) hockey take:

Alex Ovechkin pushed me down a rabbit hole

Last night, the Washington Capitals sniper (and keg-stand enthusiast) pulled even with Joe Sakic and Jarome Iginla for 15th on the NHL’s career goals list with 625. Those are two all-time greats, so it got me thinking about the best goal scorers in the history of hockey. And that sent me down an internet rabbit hole. Here are my favourite takeaways:

1. Ovechkin is the greatest goal-scorer of all time. Let’s just do this right now. Ovechkin has scored 0.609 goals per regular-season game — a slightly better rate than all-time goals king Wayne Gretzky. Yes, Gretzky’s ratio is dragged down by the last few years of his career, when his skills had diminished. That happens to everybody. It’ll happen to Ovechkin. But Gretzky also played during a much higher-scoring era. When 99 potted a record 92 goals in 1981-82, the average NHL game had eight goals. When Ovechkin scored a career-high 65 in 2007-08, that number had fallen to about 5.5. Ovechkin will probably never catch Gretzky’s 894 goals, but part of the reason is that it’s much harder to score now.

2. And he isn’t going to stop. All of the dozen-plus guys ahead of Ovechkin have scored their last NHL goal. He’s still going strong. That’s why you have to look at goals per game. And only three guys in the modern era with at least 200 goals have scored at a higher clip than Ovechkin: Mike Bossy, Mario Lemieux and Pavel Bure. So why aren’t they better than Ovi? Here’s a cute way to say it: sure, they were all star shooters, but they were also shooting stars (too cute?).  Relatively speaking, we barely saw them. Injuries shortened all their careers.

Bossy, who played in that high-scoring Gretzky era, finished with 52 fewer goals than Ovechkin already has. Bure gets credit for his tougher environment but he’s 188 goals (and counting) short of Ovi. Lemieux’s total of 690 goals will almost certainly be passed by Ovechkin — maybe as soon as next season.

3. Ovechkin is possibly a robot. A really fun robot. Sure, it seems unfair to dock the other guys for their health problems. But on the flip side, Ovechkin’s machine-like durability is one of his great skills. He’s played in an incredible 97 per cent of his team’s regular-season games since he arrived in the NHL. That should count.

4. Pavel Bure is so underrated. No one who saw the Russian Rocket play will ever forget him (every single person who played hockey at the time attempted his stick-skate-stick breakaway move the first time they stepped on the ice after they saw it).

But Bure just isn’t talked about the way these other guys are. That’s not right. His crowning achievement is probably his back-to-back 60-goal seasons with Vancouver in the early ’90s, but my favourite Bure statistical season is still 1999-2000, when he scored 58 for Florida in the teeth of the Dead Puck Era. No one else had more than 44 that season.

Quickly…

Our biggest sports rivalries are a joke compared to Argentina’s. Leafs-Habs? Ha. Yankees-Sox? Please. Lakers-Celtics? Stop it. When those teams play, feelings get hurt. When Boca Juniors and River Plate play, actual people can get hurt. The two most popular teams in Argentina are, for the first time ever, meeting in the final of the Copa Libertadores. That’s South America’s top club soccer tournament (basically its version of Europe’s famous UEFA Champions League). The first leg of the contest ended in a 2-2 draw, but the deciding leg is now on hold until Dec. 8 or 9 because fan violence forced organizers to move it out of Argentina. Some Boca players need that time to recover from the injuries they suffered when their bus was attacked on the way to Saturday’s game at River Plate’s stadium. River fans threw rocks and wood at the bus, breaking windows, and police used pepper spray and tear gas to disperse them.

A German man got 14 years in prison for trying to blow up a top pro soccer team. He was found guilty of 28 counts of attempted murder for attacking Borussia Dortmund’s team bus with three bombs as it made its way to a Champions League game in 2017. Only Dortmund defender Marc Bartra (he broke his wrist) and a police officer were injured in the explosions. The guy claimed he only meant to fake an attack and that he designed the bombs so they couldn’t really hurt anyone. But prosecutors didn’t buy that and they also said it was a money-making scheme — they allege he took out a loan to place a bet on Dortmund’s stock dropping.

The Habs are getting a key player back, and not a moment too soon. Defenceman Shea Weber is expected to play tonight for the first time in nearly a year. He’s been out with knee and foot injuries that both required surgery. Good timing, too — Montreal has lost four in a row. Still, the Habs have been surprisingly non-terrible this season. The internet loves to rag on GM Marc Bergevin (that’ll happen when you do stuff like trade P.K. Subban for the aging Weber) but his trade for Max Domi (26 points in 24 games) has worked out great and the Habs are currently holding down a wild-card spot.

The CFL doesn’t want any more slip-ups. Slick field conditions during the Grey Cup were an embarrassment for the league, which says it’ll talk to turf manufacturers and stadium staff about how to prevent it from happening again. The CFL blamed fluctuating temperatures in Edmonton leading up to the game for causing an icy field.

A Canadian soccer team is surprising everyone. The women’s under-17 national team is only one win away from reaching the championship game at its World Cup in Uruguay. Canada plays Mexico tomorrow, and the winner faces whoever emerges from the other semifinal between Spain and New Zealand. Canada is already playing with house money — the country has never finished higher than seventh in the tournament, and the only Canadian team to do better in a FIFA world championship was the 2002 U-19 Women’s World Championship side. The great Christine Sinclair led them to a runner-up finish.

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Got an idea, question, comment or other feedback on the newsletter? A hot sports take you want to share? Drop us a line at thebuzzer@cbc.ca.

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