#learn how to do math and stfu

[evilwriter37]

You know that things can make you uncomfortable without you having to deem them as illegal, right?

[hanbindans]

zerobaseone as IB students (headcanons)

some fun headcanons for my fellow students. please take these with a grain of salt, obviously I don't know them personally and these are just meant to be fun :) word count: 1.1 k (ca 140 for each) a/n: this is for a very niche target audience but it makes sense in MY head. also I have exams in less than 2 weeks so this is kind of representative of where my mind is at rn. and PSA if you're also an IB student please don't actually skip TOK <3

jiwoong

what's that?? "he's a 24 year old man, it's been years since he completed high school??" sorry I can't hear you too well I'll just go ahead and write this headcanon anyway <3

he's such a drama kid and he would take it even in IB, so theatre and korean lit would be his HLs

I feel like he would take bio and psych sl purely out of curiosity and then immediately regret it when he realizes how much content there is (but would be really good at psych)

aa sl!!! no particular reason tbh I just think he's kind of smart

doesn't understand tok. like...... at ALL. is saved by the fact that his psychology EE is pretty good because he pretty much flunks tok miserably

CAS defender because "guys it builds character I think it's great that we all do volunteer work :))" bless his heart

hanbin

7 subjects :)

is good at tok probably

genuinely puts SO much time and effort into his cas and regrets it in the end but it looks cool on his resumé

psychology and korean lit HL, probably takes VA too but maybe as sl. he gives such lit vibes I feel like he would totally be a literature kid

chinese ab!!!! and maybe ESS because he can and doesn't like science <3

AI SL just because he's so social science but he gets 6s and 7s because it's too easy for him <3

basically he's all the social science subjects but because they're FUN not because they're easy :)

shares notes and study resources in the class group chat because he's cool like that

zhang hao

science kid

HL math AA, geography, and maybe chem or bio. maybe takes physics SL too.

definitely chinese lang/lit and korean ab (he could definitely do korean B but he can't be bothered)

you won't catch him anywhere without a comically large energy drink

completely numbed on the inside but also puts more effort in than everyone else and gets straight 7's

skips tok though because he can't be asked

does his EE on a very niche obsession of his and it gets a really good grade but he puts way too much effort into it

everyone wants to learn his ways but he doesn't do study groups because he gets too annoyed lmao. WILL tell juniors chatting in the library to stfu

he will complain about anything and everything any chance he gets but also catch him getting that 45 at the end of the day.

taerae

also science kid but a lot less intense

HL bio, chem, music, SL AA, korean lang/lit and japanese ab

he would complain SO MUCH about group 2 btw he's one of those science kids who really doesn't want to do 2 languages lol

really only cares about music to be honest but does the sciencey subjects because he thinks they're cool and gets pretty good grades

the type to do a hyper specific science IA and spend way too much time on it just for shits and giggles because he likes pouring things into beakers and swirling them

unintentionally does the most for his CAS, like "oh a service??? yeah I've been tutoring guitar for like 6 months does that count" and genuinely fails to see how other people struggle with it

also excells at tok, like genuinely writes an amazing philosophical TOK essay and gets full marks

ironically cares so little about IB but somehow does so well because he genuinely likes his subjects (and has an iq of like 150)

matthew

7 subjects :)

wants to do more languages than he's allowed because he's just built like that, he likes flexing his multilingualism

HL english lang/lit, french B, history. SL AA, bio, chem, psych

is annoyingly good at all his subjects like HOW are you doing all that and remembering everything?? secretly kind of a genius

does the mostest for his IAs for absolutely no reason other than he's just interested in his subjects and wants to do fun projects :)

also genuinely likes CAS for the same reason (play sports feed stray cats, what's not to like?)

super ambitious classmate who is somehow the only one still sane and always happy

encourages everyone before tests and exams like "come on guys we can do it!! :)"

ricky

this is more likely than you think like do you know how many rich international kids do IB??? in an alternate reality he's M23

visual art HL <33

probably business management HL too, but I could see him doing psych as well!! I think he'd enjoy the human relationships option

chinese lang/lit and english B because why do a bilingual diploma and struggle when you could just breeze through english B?????

AI and ESS sl because he cba, he just wants to pass fr.

to be honest he only really cares about visual art (does his EE in it and regrets it every day) and his social science a liiittle bit, other than that he's just doing exactly as much as he needs to pass

super chill classmate though like all IB kids need a Ricky in their class to humble our god complexes

gyubin

IB but because he's an exchange student :') like he didn't even know what IB was when he started it

cramming the night before tests because he can't be asked to dedicate his whole life to studying

actually the nicest classmate though

eng b HL and breezes through it

ESS and AI sl together with ricky (they sit in the back of the class and snack together <3)

also like business management/psychology or something equivalent but he's REALLY good at it and gets easy 7's?? like he will be that 1 kid who has that 1 subject that he's an absolute god at

cries every tok lesson but it's alright

favourite part is ironically CAS because he has an excuse to volunteer at dog shelters and play basketball with his friends :)

gunwook

peak IB child I bet he would take this programme for real

4 hls (economics, psychology, korean lang lit, chemistry)

I have no justification for these subjects btw I just spat out 4 that I think he would take. he definitely would do 4 HLs though because that's how he rolls

ALSO takes cas very seriously for absolutely no reason

also takes tok SUPER seriously- he will lead class discussions and get into heated debates about stupid shit like if newspeak would work in real life

AA sl and japanese ab because that's just his vibes

kind of overworked but is always helpful and shares notes with his classmates :)

does his EE in economics and ends up getting way too invested in it and becomes obsessed with economic development policies or something niche like that (nerd but affectionately <3)

very stressed and overworked but he WILL get those grades at the end of the day <33

[the-woild-is-y-erster]

ok this is for anyone but i think @newsiesfixation @crutchie-69 @toffyrats and @ftm-megamind have asked more times than i can count an im rly sorry i keep forgoring to do it <3

personalities of my newsies ocs, shoe and eel!! my little guys<3

ill start with shoe ig

shoe is kind of a davey. he's trained himself to be quiet.

his parents are irish, but he got bullied so much in school for having an accent that he tried so hard to get rid of it, and now it only comes out when he's really angry. his family, being irish, was big, and had a lot of kids, and he was left on a curb when he was 12, told there wasn't enough food to go around, and went to the queens lodging house.

i decided on a whim last week that he has a stutter when he gets nervous, and relies on eel to get him to slow down and take his time with his words. (also lmk if i ever write his stutter wrong, i really don't want it to be bad)

he was kind of shoved into the back of the group of his siblings as a kid, being the middle child, and he knew his parents really did love him, and they were kind, but he was always the last to eat and they were too busy with the babies to pay much attention to him. he's kind and compassionate, and is very sarcastic and funny. he has a loud voice, but knows when to speak softly. he still speaks a little irish gaelic, but not much, only the pet names and little commands his mother would say.

he's intelligent, but he's not always smart. (does this make sense?)

he and eel adore eachother, despite eel's understandable hesitance to let him get anywhere close to him, because shoe's like. really tall. and chubby. my lil chunky guy<3 but like, most of it is muscle mass? like. hes built like a blacksmith's son if you know what i mean. he's like 5'11 and 200-odd lbs and is. just. so gentle.

he's really good with kids from having so many siblings, but gets frustrated easily. the newsies who have been around for years know not to tease or provoke him too much, because he'll either lash out, or you'd better watch around the corners for his bf, because he can and will forcibly remove you from this plane of exsistence.

eel my buddy. my boy. who was totally not based on me why would you say that.

he's loud, he's funny, and so. so. sad.

he's had a lot of bad experiences with older men, hence his hesitancy to let shoe near him. he adores the feeling of being onstage, and works for medda when he has free time, sometimes as an acrobat, sometimes as a bowery beauty (cus he's kinda short and can pass as female if you give him a wig and a few minutes with a makeup bag.)

his parents were horrible and his brother even worse, and he's terrified of the people he loves leaving him because his brother left him alone in an abusive house to go to univeristy. eel's parents never bothered to look for him after he ran away. his family were fairly well off, so he knew what general comfort was until he ran away, and then quickly learned the rules of the streets.

he sometimes feels like he's too much for shoe, that he's too loud, too touchy, too everything, and tries to distance himself, which just ends in shoe bein like "bbg i dunno why you ever think i would leave you, im too stupid to pull anyone else, and youre also stupid because youre great stfu and come cuddle me"

he loves the stars, and always wished he could get a real telescope.

this boy is smart. like you give him a problem and he has it solved in a minute, he knows how to handle situations, he knows how to lie, he knows how to manipulate, but he's also book smart. he loves history, and while he may not like doing math, he's good at it.

he thinks of dimes as his son, despite there only being a two year difference between them, and he would never admit it to anyone. "little brother? nah, he's a little bother" he is so. so protective over him, because he wants to be the father big brother he never had for dimes. he treats him like any brother would, teasing and joking, but knows when to lay off and when to genuinely ask if he's ok and if he wants to talk or ask for a hug.

he never knows when to ask for help, and has gotten in a lot of trouble for it, be it fights or injuring himself trying to do something alone.

he broke his ankle once, and it never quite healed right, so it hurts when he gets stressed and makes a sick crunchy noise when he rolls it around (which he finds funny to do around the newer newsies and see the horror on their faces)

chiara! who i came up with at like two am!

eel found her in a basket in an alley with a note that said that her parents couldn't care for her, and he was like "aight bet imma be a father at the ripe age of sixteen and imma be the best father there ever was"

she was like. a month old when he found her, and he had literally no clue how to take care of her so he turned to eden (the lodging house keeper shes so nice) and she showed him the ropes of taking care of a baby

once she gets old enough to emote and show preference for things, chiara is very opinionated, and clings onto eel with a death grip, and is very mischevious.

eel and shoe raised her together, so she calls them babbo (eel) and papa (shoe) and doesnt know that dimes isnt actually her brother, and the three of them teach her to sell papers once she gets older. she's also really smart, and starts talking early. eel teaches her italian along with english, and she absolutely adores eden, or 'nonna' as she calls her.

oh my god just thought of this (why am i thinking of aus for characters that dont even technically exsist LMAAOO) in a modern au she'd call dimes/charlie 'char char' or 'charizard' please-

i'll draw her l8r today maybe so you can all see what she looks like

shoe n eel call her fia/fiadh instead of her first name like 90% of the time, and after she becomes a fully fledged newsie, her nickname is nickles, partly because her brother is dimes and the rest of them thought it was funny, and partly because she can wheedle a nickle out of anyone for a pape, and also partly because whenever she and the boys play poker, she bets in nickles.

anyway theyre a horrible little family<3

[dark-wackademia]

i cant with myself, can’t take nothin seriously sometimes.

i really saw this and said  “No mates (as in fucks or friends?) No forniques (like fornications but a cute word for it.) No hurties (no hurttie others okay, guys?) No Autistics? WOW! Really guys? That’s RUDE! Pft, and they don’t even know how to spell it.. ya know what, it’s okay, i can’t spell either. Good try though. ________

YO! A too que—up Dio, dude. No, i didn’t ever get to see Dio, RIP. (the rock artist) No, i never serve on jury duty and suck at math.”

just.... wow. smfh i wish yall could see me. if im not having a heart attack/stroke level kanipshit over what we’re learning and having to stfu in order to get more info to be able to properly debate later, i’m just laughing my ass off doing shit like this.

[li272]

Putting the things i wanna talk abt bc no one wants to talk shit w me.

If you wanna talk shit w me on discord or insta here

Discord : Yoshoa#9318

Insta: pr3tty.when_i_cry

(i use a priv acc bc like there are too many creeps in the internet man)

so quirky so edgy 🤭‼️

Ne way: the tea scene 1 act 1

So we had our exams today we had math first and i was kinda struggling and all bc like girl i did not study for shit so i solved that hoe in my own way but i was thirsty and like i didn't really drink water bc i fel quirky and decided to get sparkling sakura flavored water instead. Anyway i passed my paper early and then my teacher said that it was all so wrong but like honestly, idc what's important is that i answered it through and through. She said i answered it wrong and like girl stfu if u rlly wanted us to learn how abt not bw absent for like a week and actually explain it to us 🤨.

Scene 2 act 2

A hours after that it was time for another exam and bc i finish the previous one early i went outside to not distract my other classmates who were still doing their shir and all. Ne way i went outside and saw the whore that always calls me cringe even though ironically their literally the most cringe one in the classroom and the bitch who's fr trying too hard to be a copy of me bye. She was bragging of how she went to this event sumwhere and like yeah okay but like she was trying so hard to copy my accent and all like bro .. pls stop it's so cringe 😭😭. Anyway she then starts talking abt the guy who she knows that lives in la like it's the first time she'd seen sum1 that lives that lives there. Im so done im crying cars. Personal opinion: Ppl from LA are one of the worst kinds of America you can ever meet in your life.

[imstillaghost]

Rant:

Crying because my step mom told me I didn’t maintain my hair well so I have to practice doing my own hair so I can do it myself and don’t have to rely on others.

WHICH IS A VALID POINT THATS NOT WHY IM MAD

IM MAD CUS I FUCKING HATE DOING MY HAIR. Or anything that involves me doing it bad the first time when it comes to my personal looks.

Hair- has to look good

My friend who does hair pretty well says “I had to learn to be okay with looking a mess sometimes”

THAT SHIT DONT WORK FOR ME IM NOT OKAY WITH LOOKING A MESS SOMETIMES.

that’s why I hate it when people tell me to “practice with hair because if I spend 12 hours doing it ON MYSELF and it looks bad you think i have the time to take it down and re do it????? NO

“You don’t have to re do it” IF IT DOESNT LOOK GOOD YES TF I DO IM NOT WEARING IT OUT MY HOUSE

“Be okay with mistakes you’re a beginner” I don’t give a fuck about the mistakes, it’s the fact that everyone can see them. Everyone outside my house does not need to know I’m a beginner.

“But professional only become professionals through practice” STFU I DIDNT ASK ABOUT PROFESSIONALS IM NOT TRYING TO BE PROFESSIONAL THE PROCESS OF PRACTICING SACRIFICES MY CONFIDENCE AND ABILITY TO WALK OUTSIDE MY HOUSE COMFORTABLy

OR INSIDE MY HOUSE. If it looks bad I automatically feel like a failure. But it can’t look good without looking bad and I’m never gonna think it looks good because I hate everything that I do :)

Like that’s actually crazy to think about me and someone else could do the exact same thing. No different. And I’m just like “yours looks better than mine, mine sucks”

That’s happened a couple times.

AND IT WASN’T EVEN A THING WHERE YOU LIKE “do it better” like that. IT COULD BE A FUCKING MATH PROBLEM.

SAME PROBLEM- SAME ANSWER

“You solved that so much better than me”

And I go to a fucking application based school and got all A’s on almost every math final I’ve taken up until this point.

And then my friend was like “but you can ask people for criticism so you know what to do”

I’m a harsher critic to myself than anyone will be someone else saying something to em will push me over the edge.

I understand that it’s good and constructive to know what you’re doing wrong but the moment someone would come up to me giving me tips on how to do my hair I might just shave it off because IT HAS GOT TO BE FUCKING PERFECT.

“It’s never gonna be perfect there’s always going to be something wrong with it”

Okay that’s my rant I’m gonna practice even though I’m probably gonna hate it when I’m done and someone is gonna tel me “it doesn’t look that bad for a beginner”

And then I’m gonna cry about it

[dinanikto]

"Save tf2 fix tf2 make it not rot tf2" stfu

I'm so tired of you bitching about some update that really means nothing.

"Uwaghhh they will add new weapons, they will make a new comic" they clearly do not care. You're acting like a parent trying to make your child learn math because "well, they were so good at it when they were younger!"

What? You want some cheap lifeless storyless piece of shit update? You do understand that bots were made by players trying to manipulate Valve, right? You do understand that the head writer just didn't want to finish comics, right?

Valve has made a new VR technology, several updates for their games, A FUCKING HALF-LIFE 3 and portal 3, but you people were still crying over an AAA company not doing anything about Rick May's death. (I remember that hell-month before valve payed respect for May in May. With a new soundtrack! And all for its ONE employee, the level of which was never done before. Like for real, can we be normal about a dude we didn't even know or care about before? That's not your grandpa, but he has a family. Can we not disturb them every year?)

Don't you see how high are the stakes? Like, the company itself can't do shit about it. It's just not how Valve works. All you do is stress out the remaining TF2 team working on maintaining the game. They will NOT put out an update of your dreams, but will rush something shitty instead.

Go play the game, I beg you. Stop making the fandom toxic, it's impossible to be around you people. TF2 is fucking free, Valve owes you your privacy only, nothing else. If you don't like it, then don't play it, it's that simple.

[dbunicorn]

Imagine not comprehending either side, weaponizing children to pursue your own agenda and using your office to break the law. Who is confused?

Take Bernie sanders, Naomi klein

Is it too hard for you to read a book or a journal article? Do you surround yourself with idiots deliberately. Can you explain to me your views on Palestine, BLM, and bankrupting the American people? Can you explain the MATH to me? Explicitly, specifically with details. Could you explain your behavior and neglect every other minority? Just like ndp cannot explain their anti nuclear stance or what they would do with the current power energy generation. Learn to STFU and know when your out of your depth. Your voice is unwanted.

Confused? I fucking loathe incompetence. It irritates me to no fucking end.

Grow up, stupidity must be an intellectual disability like autism, fucking morons

Bernie sanders should have retired years ago,

Acolytes that pay homage to a god that never existed. Imagine having an original idea.

What do young woc say when they do this to other women of color? I'm old? Conservative? Contrarian? Libertarian?

What is your self justification I wonder?

Start singing black and yellow? Run small children off the road? Spit at them?

Since we're all willing to put our honest shit out there without hiding like grown women.

Spit it the fuck out.

Power is far too tempting????

Your opinion is utterly useless to me. It has been for a decade. Now tell me about how you want the world to go vegan and it helps keep you slim while you grow your own food and use power for social media.

You act like children that have no free will. I'm not your fucking mother.

Politicians are such pathetic small stupid people.

5 lies, no truth. Just incompetence.

I don't think the Hilary Clinton's, Michelle Obama's Marjorie Taylor Greens,...are better

But particularly annoying are the fucking Democrats who weaponize everything and turn on a dime when challenged at any level. Show up for no one, certainly not women.

You really have no fucking clue what you're doing or how to be strategic circa 2019.

Oregon is a progressive shithole that's suffering because of idiotic policies of their own making. That doesn't mean the KKK roots there aren't just as awful. Both are useless and unproductive.

You are using this moment for your own agenda to the neglect of real issues and reality.

Single payer healthcare to the tune of 4 trillion? Well played. Weren't you assholes blowing modi for diamonds just a year or two ago? Man you connect the dots...... I'm in awe. You might as well be selling donkey flights on private jets with inflatable mattresses.

Does the green new deal consist of bankruptcy and ceding every research vector? Wow, genius.

What are you going to do, call me out for my misinformation without passing high school science? And then use my ideas? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Holy shit Chandra how many opportunitistic cunts pretending to be feminists can you meet in one lifetime? Freud would have a field day.

Do your fucking jobs

PS we've never met. I'd NEVER let you fucking near anyone I cared about.

I won't be reading the updated version on Capital from Thomas Picketty either, although the French do have a sensible nuclear policy

[sadistic-softie]

Sometimes I need to stop, take a step back, and ask myself, "Am I ok?" and the answer is always, "uuhh?????????"

therapy gets so repetative and exhausting. When am i gonna move on from complaining about the same problems actually get to the helping part? And how many therapists is it gonna take before I get there? I'm on number...7??? 8? 9???? and i hate that every single one of them has been like, ~most therapists go through the notes and records of the patients health conditions and past sessions with other therapists, but I don't like to do that here. I like to start clean and fresh with each patient so I can hear it from them. I have your chart and all your info here, but i just wanna hear if from you~. Because im so cool and all the other therapists suck mega penis~ Like stfu and please read my chart for the love of god i dont need to go through hours of sessions of straight miserable traumadumping every single time i get disconnected from a therapist and have to spend 5 months on the waiting list for a new one. And it's so easy to just get dropped by therapists too. I missed 2 appointments ever? gone. Therapist suddenly vanished from the establishment? We can't replace them! find a whole new place! Your new therapist sucks and just tells you to get over it? Give us a month and we'll see if we can find someone else for you. oopsies! your therapist got fired! Nothing we can do about that! Your therapist forced you into a situation that she knew would put you in danger of abuse? It was her job! FUCK. I literally get better therapy from calling 988, crisis lines, or abuse hotlines for 10 minutes and they're free. Might as well just call THEM on a weekly basis since they ACTUALLY FUCKING HELP YOU WHEN YOU ASK FOR FUCKING HELP. They give you advice, comfort, support, coping mechanisms, distractions, suggestions, resources, ideas, communities, etc etc. Seriously. Therapy, in all my years, barely ever does that shit unless you're on the brink of breakdown because "why is nothing working!?" nothing's working because it's literally nothing being put to work. They're putting nothing machines in your brain factory, and when 'NOTHING' is working, no progress gets made.

Honestly. Sometimes, I feel like maybe I'm just really unlucky with my therapists. I be spilling my soul to them and begging for help and they're just like. "Hmmm...that does seem very difficult...What do you think I can do to help you?" and i just...like..."I don't know??? im not really a mental health specialist??? Like you??????" and they fucking laugh and go, "Well, that is true...hmmmmm, let me think...you seem to be doing everything you cannnn...hmmmm" God, i never show it but tht shit pisses me off so bad. The more times i hear "What do you think i can do to help?" and "Hmmmmmmm" and overly fucking drawn out words, the more 'asshole' and ingenuine it sounds. It sounds like mockery. It sounds like they think I'm a toddler trying to figure out how to manuver their first 4 piece puzzle. They sound like when teachers say "I dunno. Can you?" when you ask if you can use the restroom. Like...Do you think I'm fucking around when I say I don't know what to do? Do you think I just ask for help for shits and giggles? Do you think, "I'm feeling suicidal" is just a quirky little catchphrase? Like, fuck. Just listen to one fucking thing I say. I pay you for this. Just fucking listen to me and hear the words coming out of my mouth and process what they actually fucking mean. I fucking have nobody else and I'm paying you to help me not fucking kill myself and you're gonna fucking sit there, eating cereal, talking about how your 'poor husband' was so shy "just like me" that he didn't make the first move on you when you first met, like this session is about comparing my socially crippling mental condition to a common case of the nerves, acting like you're my casual best friend or acting like this is me learning 2 plus fucking 2 in kindergarden math class with god damn counting blocks and you don't wanna give me too many hints that give the answer away. FUCK. OFF. No fucking wonder your other patients cuss you out. I bet they're soooo lucky to have you like you're sooo lucky that im so god damn polite and articulate. You like that im so articulate, huh? You really get what im saying? How about this next one?: QUIT YOUR JOB.

[zerobaseonefics]

wassup 361 guesses! 🤭🤭

and yes you're right! once you're finished with grundschule/elementary school (which you start at 6 or 7 y/o and end at 10 or 11 y/o = 4 years) you get to choose wether you go to the gymnasium or secondary school.

gymnasium is till 12th grade and you get an abitur once finished (which is the best qualification to have (ignoring stuff like university etc)). secondary school groups students into two groups in 7th grade: realschule and hauptschule. realschule is till 10th grade and hauptschule is till 9th grade.

the hauptschulabschluss is the worst one and gives you barely any opportunities. it's mostly for the guys and gals thats struggle too much / don't have good grades at ALL. mostly for foreigners that still struggle with the language and the german disappointments that start doing drOOgs at 13.

realschulabschluss has two different types (again): erweitert ('advanced') or just normal "realschulabschluss". advanced is obviously better and in order to get it you have to be in 2 foreign language curses (english and another one, most commonly russian or french) AND you need to have good enough grades. in the three main subjects (english, german and math) the lowest you're allowed to have is two B's (15 points) and one C (13 points). If lower you're automatically unable to get the advanced realschulabschluss.

i got the advanced realschulabschluss🤭🤭🤭 i had an A in english and two B's in german and math CALL ME GENIUS

anyway thank you for listening to me poorly explaining the german schoolsystem for no reason at all have a nice day

-anon²🤓🤓

GIRL STFU I DIDNT HOW THE GAME WORKS OKAY

i always learn things when i talk to you i love it <_3 i knew roughly about the german system because idk if i told you i have cousins there but know i'll say i'm a pro thanks to you 🤭

ANON² IS A GENIUS WBK. I NEVER DOUBTED YOU ON THAT

[softluci]

aggressive affection, i think

(part two here!)

[ @yourlocalsinnamonroll​ (hi!) sent me an ask to do more gen z headcanons and i started working on something for her, except it isn’t actually a set of headcanons, but rather a really long...one-shot? but anyway, i thought of actual headcanons that i can share now, so i can return to my ROOTS hopefully this will do in the meantime. ]

i’m not sure if this is something unique to younger people, but i am one hundred percent sure that younger people do it a lot, just going off of the behavior of my friends and i. (i’m gonna tell you now that this isn’t entirely sfw, so minors dni please and thank u)

but i’ve found that it’s pretty common for friends to be, like, aggressively affectionate with one another, for lack of a better phrase. if not aggressively affectionate, then just really flirtatious, often for no reason, and it is still meant entirely in a platonic sense. some examples of this that i have experienced include, but are not limited to:

“i’m gonna eat you,” “do u wanna make out,” “just remember, no matter WHAT happens, i will ALWAYS wanna make out with you,”  “i have literally wanted to fuck all of you at some point,” “let’s have sex,” “stfu before i kiss you,” [points to lap] “is this seat taken?” “every day i’m like, ‘wow, [name] is so cool, we should make out,’” and so on and so forth.

so you can imagine the fun i’m about to have.

lucifer

“blindsided,” does not even begin to describe what you’ve done to this man. while his recovery time was quick, he was still so, so confused. 

all he said was, “you look nice today,” why did you threaten to kiss him? was that even a threat? 

he doesn’t know because you said, “stop before you get kissed on the mouth,” but it doesn’t matter because you failed to consider that he is obsessed with you in dire need of a kiss on the mouth, and you, silly thing that you are, just provided conditions under which he can get one. 

that said, have fun trying to explain to this man that you were joking while he’s holding you against him with the most smug look on his dumb little face. if you don’t wanna kiss him, okay, but by the time he feels like letting you go, your face is gonna be scorching and you will have properly learned not to do that again. unless you enjoyed yourself, in which case—

by the way, if you believe in a higher power, you had better pray he doesn’t do this to you because now that you’ve planted the idea in his villainous little brain, he’s just biding his time. so the next time you compliment him innocently, and he says, “be quiet before i kiss you,” like the monster he is, assert your dominance by kissing him first, it’s the only way to maintain your dignity. 

mammon

why would you do that to him. he is literally in love with you, you can’t be doing this. he knows he’s an attractive person, but you can’t tell him that, and you especially can’t do it by flirting with him, it’s embarrassingly disarming. especially since he was going to make fun of you once he saw that you were looking at the issue of majolish with him on the cover. he had a plan and everything, and you ruined it. he was gonna say something dumb cool, after which you would be embarrassed , and he would laugh. 

but then you looked at him, said, “i’m gonna eat you,” and his entire plan was thwarted. now you have to stand there and watch him struggle to form a sentence while his face gets red. you should take this opportunity to bite him, give him a little nom on the shoulder or something, just to razz him. it’ll be great, i promise. 

luckily, he can’t even think about doing this to you without having to lie down, so you should be safe—unless, of course, he catches both you and himself by surprise. so if you get nommed on, you had it coming. 

levi 

you menace. you absolute villain. you’re laughing. 

levi was about to go into a match he was nervous about, and then you said, “it’s okay, no matter what happens, i will always wanna make out with you,” and then he dropped his controller and blacked out, and you’re laughing. 

you’re terrible. absolutely awful. acquaint yourself with shame while you blow cool air into his face and shake him awake. 

when he does wake up, and he reminds you that he’s the avatar of envy, do nawt be surprised. 

try to explain to him that you were kidding and let it slip that you say these types of things to everyone and you’re getting a tail around your waist. no matter how much he might stutter while he makes his point, the fact remains that he’s the only one you’re allowed to say these things to now. you can do it to the others while he’s not around if you feel so inclined, but he’s going to find out eventually, so good luck explaining yourself while he doesn’t keep his tail still when he uses it to hold you in place. 

your only saving grace here is that he is physically incapable of doing it to you, but, you know. that probably gets overridden by how possessive he’s gonna get.

satan

you’re deranged. or just really confident. or a fool. it doesn’t matter, you fucked up. he said a normal thing, and then you threw him for a loop. 

you were nervous about an exam the next day, he said, “you’re a capable person, you have nothing to be worried about.” 

and then you, evidently forgetting that he is not one of your human friends, said, “flattery will get you made out with,” and tried to walk away. 

first of all, how was that flattery? he was stating a fact. second of all, who said he didn’t wanna make out with you🤨. he never said that, you are making assumptions about him and his character. 

anyway, he has no idea where you think you’re going, but you didn’t make it very far before he caught up to you anyway. 

when he repeats what you said back to you in the form of a question, with that deceptively polite look on his face, know that he is being rhetorical. do not bother trying to explain yourself, it’ll be difficult to do so in a convincing manner while he’s backing you up to the nearest wall. do not be surprised when he takes this opportunity to blindside you with praise, directly into your ear, with that fatally smooth voice of his. and do NAWT be surprised when he pulls back and says, “why am i not being made out with?” with a dumb little smile. it brings him a lot of joy to see you squirm.

you don’t even have a saving grace here. this man is ruthless, he’s gonna do this to you literally whenever he wants, and he won’t even let you look away, let alone run away, so find joy in the monster you have created. 

asmo

listen. unless you are genuinely empty headed, there is absolutely no way you did this on accident. 

he wasn’t even doing anything out of character either, it was the middle of self-care night, he was putting moisturizer on your face for you, and he went, “you’re even cuter up close,” which is a normal, tame thing for him to say.

so unless you just have uncontrollable knee-jerk reactions, no way did you say, “so make out with me then,” to this man, by accident.

you’re lucky he has some knowledge of the fact that you sometimes say things that aren’t smart, so he didn’t just immediately jump on you; however, you are by no means in the Clear. 

you blinked and he was nose to nose with you and basically in your lap. now you have to deal with his wandering hands while you try and explain yourself—that is, if you can even overcome how flustered you are, which you probably can’t. luckily, he knows you probably didn’t mean it, but he’s still asmo, so he takes it upon himself to be respectfully heinous like the gentleman he is.

so when he somehow manages to get even closer to you and says, “honey, you should really get a handle on those impulses of yours, unless you plan on following through,” like the bastard he is, know that from that point forward, whatever happens is on you. 

here is another man with whom you have no saving grace; now that you’ve given him the idea that he can be more explicit with you,,, well.

beel

you’re a heathen. why would you do something like this. well, you know what, maybe you aren’t that much of a heathen, considering that you did bake cookies for him. that was really sweet of you, so he thanked you and complimented your skill, like a regular person.

so why, exactly, did you say, “i only accept thanks in the form of kisses, preferably with tongue,” ? something is genuinely not right with you. 

now you have this man standing there, confused and red in the face. he’s trying to do the math, and nothing is adding up. like, it’s definitely doable, he can definitely do that, but, like, why would you make this request so suddenly?

this is probably the only instance in which you can coherently say, “i was kidding, you don’t actually have to do that,” and it almost doesn’t work. 

you absolutely should not have been leaning against the counter because now he’s standing in front of you, and you have nowhere to run. 

however, the thing about beel is that he is someone who flusters people without meaning to, so he has no idea of the effect that his, “are you sure?” has on you. 

luckily, you’re still mostly coherent because you know that beel isn’t heinous like his brothers, so you manage to tell him that he doesn’t have to kiss you if he doesn’t want to because you were kidding. 

you have every right to be surprised when, all of a sudden, you’re sitting on the counter, and he says, “why do you think i don’t want to?” 

do you have a saving grace with this man? kind of. he would never say what you said or something similar, but the next time he compliments you and you choose to be normal and say, “thank you,” he’s gonna ask if he should kiss you, so try not to collapse.

belphie

now. he isn’t the Worst Person you could’ve done this with. but by god you are out of your mind.

your first mistake was choosing to lie down next to him, not because you had plans to be a menace, but because he is always a menace and has a thing for reminding you, which he can do more easily when you’re in proximity to him. 

so when he said, out of nowhere, “are you ticklish?” you should’ve just rolled away, which wouldn’t have worked, but it would have been less chaotic then saying, “you are legally required to make out with me before you try and find out.” 

you said it so casually that he was almost stunned into staying still, but his recovery time was excellent.

the next thing you knew, you were laying underneath a very smug, very menacing man, who seemed entirely too prepared to listen to what you had to say for once. 

“legally?”

okay, so, maybe you should’ve chosen your words more carefully, but he was seconds away from tickling you, so you didn’t exactly have time to defend yourself. you can never backtrack with belphie anyway, so it makes sense that you went headlong into your claim, telling him that yes, this is, in fact, the law of the land. 

“i was never one to pay attention to the law, but since you’re being so insistent, i guess i don’t really have a choice—”

leave it to him to pretend like you’re a burden as if he isn’t literally head over heels in love with you like everyone else fond of you. bastard. 

there is absolutely nothing to save you from this man. he isn’t tactful enough to wait for an opportunity to do this to you, like satan or lucifer, so expect to be Just Sitting There when he tells you that you’re required to make out with him right this instant—it’s the law. 

[immeya]

Dude… imagine Nico and Leo as best friends? + Will

They’re both obviously the same person in different fonts and would absolutely be besties if they just bonded a little bit.

1. I can imagine them slowly becoming friends, like maybe they have to work together on a quest and like, they can stand each other but don’t really get along that much… and then they bond over their trauma (cause they’re both very traumatized don’t @me) and start talking about how they cope w all of this

2. Caleo comes back to camp just for the sake of this ok?

3. Leo is super excited he’s got a new friend and Nico is trying to be like “ew no, we’re not that close I’m not your friend stfu” but on the inside he’s thrilled about it too

4. Leo pulling pranks on Nico and fully expecting to be murdered after that but Nico pulling an even bigger prank on him with a tiny little smile on his face

5. So, you know how it’s 100% canon (at least in my head) that Will showed Nico all of his favorite bands and movies. Leo ends up showing him some movies too. And him and Will end up in debates about whose movie taste is better which ends up in a contest where Nico is the judge and has no idea what’s going on

6. Also Will and Leo are friends too, like he loooves third wheeling solangelo (he doesn’t longer have issues with being a third wheel)

7. Leo makes weird pop culture references at random times and suddenly Nico starts doing this too, which freaks everyone out

8. Leo saying something stupid and Nico and Will being super embarrassed behind him

9. We don’t know him sir, he was just following us

10. But then again Solangelo are really stupid too

11. They’re all dumbasses

12. Nico going to High School and having trouble w math because why does he need that to kill monsters anyway? And Leo helping him w it

13. Also Leo being terrible at history and Nico loving it cause he’s so interested in how much the world changed and everything that happened when he was at the casino

Nico: I’m telling you, Mythomagic is fun, you’re just not giving it a chance

Leo: Ugh, fine (he secretly loves it)

Nico: Yay 🤗

17. Will and Nico trying to have a casual date on the docks and Leo coming out of nowhere asking if there’s anything valuable in the infirmary cause someone might have accidentally burned the place down :)

Will: THE WhATt???

Nico:

Will:

Leo:

Nico: I don’t know if I’m mad because you burned my bf’s work place or because you didn’t let me be there to see the mess

Leo: oh it’s still burning

Will: 👁 👄 👁

18. Nico and Leo having a very heavy aggressive McDonalds vs. Burger King argument while Will and Calypso just go get some food by themselves in the middle of it (they just wanted to have a nice double date, but their boyfriends are stupid)

19. Also Nico and Will calling Leo out on his bs when he needs to be called out

20. Nico picking up some Spanish (mostly swear words) and Reyna just randomly learning this after Nico accidentally drops something and being SHOCKED??

21. Will obviously picked Italian words from day one. But Leo just tries and tries and doesn’t get it right until Nico just begs him to stop trying. BEGS HIM.

I just feel like Nico and Leo are both very chaotic in a very different way.

Them being besties would be way to powerful and hilarious.

[lostbbygorl]

THE GENERAL AND ULTIMATE MODERN AU EREN YEAGER HEADCANON POST:

✨ Oooohh boy..... Eren Yeager

✨ In this post, I'll be discussing Eren as a child and Eren as the 19-year-old Chad we now know him as

✨ Okay, so Eren as a child

✨ WHERE TF DID HE GET THAT RAGE?

✨ Everyday he wakes up looking like an angry gremlin and he growls at people saying hi to him in the hallways

✨ The elementary school teachers genuinely like him and they know deep down he's a very sweet boy but KIDDO PLS GET YOUR HANDS OFF LIL TIMMY'S NECK AND DO YOUR MATHS MANIA MULTIPLICATION WORKSHEET HE DIDN'T MEAN TO DROP YOUR FAVORITE ERASER

✨ Mikasa and Armin were the only people who could calm him down

✨ You know that one kid who gets sent outta the classroom every week? And like teachers always call said kid's parents for a meeting? Eren is that kid

✨ At first, a very disappointed Grisha went to the meetings, and then neither parent went cuz they were too busy, and then Carla always went. By "too busy" I mean having yelling matches and digging up old bones and then storming off like toddlers. That was the hardest part of Eren's life

✨ A lot of Eren's rage came from his parent's crumbling marriage and he missed his dad but MY GOD he was relieved when Grisha left them. Eren has a soft spot deep down for him, but he's gonna break a damn wall if he sees Grisha again, and near his mom

✨ Eren's behavior improves at the start of middle school though. He's still not to be fucked with and lowkey terrifies the teachers, but he's much more amiable

✨ Eren's grades also improve in middle school. He finds more motivation and his study routine is shite but atleast he's putting more effort. Speaking of grades, he always scores 100% in PE

✨ Eren was always the fastest runner and even though he isn't super passionate about sports, he's competitive

✨ I feel like Eren would sometimes do sports for fun, but his main interests lie in martial arts. I hc he learns karate or judo or smth and get numerous degrees in it throughout the years

✨ Eren is popular despite being a hardass. He still gets clowned doe

✨ PLENTY OF FUCKING INJURIES AND BRUISES

✨ Now onto college Eren with the long hair and dem abs

✨ He's chill for the most part ig, still scary doe

✨ He gets daily reminders from Mikasa and Armin to study and that's the only reason he passes

✨ I feel like he'd take the same classes as his friends and be nonchalant about college but then get interest in his subject and find it's his passion

✨ "Woah", Eren doing a perfect Gabbie Hannah impression at 3 AM after realizing how much his major means to him

✨ Eren's handwriting is messy but readable. Hw takes notes on random pieces of paper and random notebooks so the night before the exams he's turning the house down looking for that half ripped sticky note

✨ But I mean the grade is good so he won't stop the bad practice

✨ 9/10 times Eren is the veteran face showing new college students around the campus. Him and Jean actually

✨ In a modern world, Eren and Jean are frenemies becuz Eren finds him annoying. They have roast battles and even rap battles. Eren tells Jean to stfu if he even breathes

✨ Eren goes to bed at 2 and he actually tries to fix his sleeping schedule but then Jean sends him game invites and he's just MAD

✨ Sasha and Connie throw parties every weekend and you best believe Jean and Eren are in the convenience stores getting snacks and then tampons to make a tampon princess castle tgt later on

✨ Eren is the friend who has a nice ass car. He picks ppl up and drops them off everyday

✨ He LOVES going on late night rides with his peeps

✨ ESPECIALLY Mikasa 😳

✨ Eren is head over heels for Mikasa and Mikasa is the same and their mutual pining is so fucking embarrassing atp

✨ Eren is one of those ppl who are scared of love so the intensity of his feelings for Mikasa scare him so when he's hanging out he's like

" Mikasa looks pretty I wanna hold her hand. Welp, time to fuck or beat one out"

✨ Eren is defo popular among the ladies but he isn't flirty, he's just polite. He isn't a fboi despite what other writers say

✨ He does like hookups doe. He'll back off if a gal aint interested doe

✨ Eren also seems like a tattoo kinda guy. He has one of an eagle on his neck and his initials on his back

✨ Idk why but he rubs me as the type of dude who'd be friends with kids. Like 1 or 2. Namely, Gabi and Falco

✨ Eren goes to Paradis college and FalBi go to Paradis middle school. They used the college performing hall for a play and Eren volunteered to help prepare the stage to get out of classes. That's when he met a sweet, quiet Falco and a hyper, feral Gabi. He was amused by their interactions and got nostalgic seeing them tbh cuz he remembered his elementary days with Armin

✨ Gabi was trying to rope Falco in for another one of her dangerous plans and Falco ultimately caved

" Let's sleepover in this hall tonight. Our parents are out and I bought all the stuff we need"

" What? That's crazy! What if we get caught?"

" Come of, Falco. Pleeaaassseee?"

" Fine, but it's on you if we get in trouble"

✨ " Kid with the ponytail, that's a crazy plan but Imma cover for you", said Eren joining in

✨ They've been talking ever since and when Eren realized Gabi is Reiner's fave and closest cousin, they became closer

✨ Overall, Eren is a loveable dude despite being a bit chaotic

[killingmyfavcharacterbcilovethem]

PJO characters as things I heard In my school👐

Jason, *looking at solangelo*: OMG they're the most beautiful thing in the history of the world and of the universe in the hole earth thanks God I can see them togheter

--

Grover @annie, talking about percy: please I hear he talking about you everyday in the last three years, ask him on a date or something I'm so tired

--

Hunters: EW A MAN

--

Annabeth: you're wrong, its 324 and not 334

Leo: YOU are wrong, of course its 334, right piper?

Piper:

Piper: man idk i got 764

(At the end, piper was suprisingly the right one)

--

The whole gang:*putting LGBT+ little paper flags everywhere* DID YOU HEARD THAT?? IS A HOMOPHOBIC CRYING!

--

Percy @octavian: oh, you're here:( that makes me sad

--

Nico: (just joking) that's homophobic

Jason: it is?? IM SORRY I DIDN'T MEAN TO-

--

Hazel: AaAaAaAa WHY IS MATH SO CONFUSING

--

(Text messages)

Leo: Jason ghosted me and now I have deprecion

Frank:"deprecion" is you writing it with a c and not two "s"

--

Will:

Will: what if glitter is the straight cure

Nico: I like it, its true

--

Leo: "Nico" is such a straight person name

Nico: ??? HOW DARE U STFU

--

Frank: guys, I wanted you to know... I'm trans

Jason: so is everyone here

--

Percy: idk sometimes I just fell so sad

Nico: that sound like your problem

--

Percy: so.. you know (name of a really bad president of my contry in the 90's) that we're learning about on history?

Percy: I told my mom about him and she told me to wash my mouth and that she didnt wanted "bad words" at home

--

Piper: do you se that girl right there? She's gay

Leo: ??? How do you know

Piper: 🌠GAYDAR🌠

[shoukohime]

jujutsu kaisen headcanons because I'm soft and they live in my head rent free

- gojou and yuuji's favourite past time activity is learning tiktok dances. nobara joins in. megumi suffers.

- getou (who is alive and well and not a villain) walks in on gojou reading bedtime stories to the first years. "how did you end up being a single dad to three teenagers?" he asks

- gojou, who's not single in this scenario: "wouldn't that make you their 2nd dad?😙"

- yuuji, megumi and nobara retching in the background because ew our parents are flirting??

- nanami retires at 27 and builds a house in malaysia, kuantan, on a secluded beach to catch up with all the books he's bought but never got around to read 🥰

- yuuji exclusively listens to female pop artists. He knows all Nicki Minaj songs by heart and when kesha had her comeback with praying he couldn't stop crying for 2 hours straight

- kugisaki once challenged him to a superbass rap battle and never recovered

- when asked about his current concerns, megumi vaguely points to yuuji singing WAP all day

- don't leave maki unsupervised. "yuuta is overseas so while he's gone I'm gonna collect all buttons I can find in this house and store them in a box" "wtf why" "he's basically 85% of my impulse control"

- cue next day everyone waking up to the buttons on their school uniforms being torn off and missing

- while the 2nd years are pros at inumaki-language, the 1st years are still trying to decode his words. so far, they know "salmon" means "yes" and "avocado cream cheese" means "stfu you dumb ass bitch"

- none of the 1st years are fully functional human beings. imagine broke college students but worse. they're unsupervised high schoolers. megumi has lived with gojo half of his life. nobara never helped with the chores at home. yuuji is a domestic wreck. The dishes pile in the kitchen, the bathroom hasn't been cleaned in 3 weeks, you literally can't step into a room without sth breaking under your foot, Obama is there

- gojo: I raised you better than this wtf

- megumi figures out a way to manipulate the others into doing basic chores for him. "kugisaki, have you done the maths homework already?" "shut up and do them yourself" "I'll let you cuddle with my shadow dogs later" "maths homework coming right up!"

- yuuji: "hey man it's your turn to wash the dishes" "I can summon the bunnies for you" "oh wait, it's my turn to do the dishes"

- since inumaki can't speak much, he's a pro at texting and a closet memer. when maki rages over inumaki spamming the group chat, he simply sends "mum pick me up i'm scared"

- mai and todo fight over who gets to marry taka-chan later. mai wins.

- shoko is the teacher to go to when you want to talk, have concerns or need life advice because gojo will simply laugh in your face over your mortal, little problems. "cramps? I'll get you pain meds and make you hot cocoa real quick", "you think you might be bisexual? that's great. thank you for telling me." & "please do not cut off your shirt sleeves, yuta won't be overseas for much longer"

[khaleesiofalicante]

OK I GOT 5 HOURS OF SLEEP LAST NIGHT WHICH IS PRETTY OK IG (I did stay up to read the fic-) BOTH MY TESTS WENT LIKE SHIT, I HAD AN ANXIETY ATTACK IN PROGRAMMING CLASS BECAUSE BY TEACHER IS A LITTLE SHIT WHO KEPT ON YELLING AT ME WHEN I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND SOMETHING AND I SPENT LUNCH ALONE BUT AT LEAST NOW IM ALONE WITH MY LAPTOP SO YAYAYAYYA

first of all, this chapter right here is my comfort chapter from now on. i said what i said. I will be rereading it again and again just because i can. it was PERFECTION

here's me going crazy at 2 am yesterday.

MAGNUS' CHAPTER

LET'S GO LET'S GO LET'S GO

AHHHHHHH IT'S THEIR ANNIVERSARY

SCREAM

oh

alec shaved his beard because it made him look older

RAFAEL WAS SO UPSET AFTER THE MEXICO ATTACK BECAUSE OF ANJALI RIGHT??

magnus and alec are the oblivious parents istg

“Are you decent?” Max yelled. “I don’t want to be traumatized again.”

“Hey! We agreed not to talk about that!” Alec yelled back.

Im not even surprised at this point

“Happy anniversary, bapa!” Rafael kissed him on the cheek and handed him the flowers.

“Where are my flowers?” Alec asked.

Rafael plucked a rose from the bouquet and threw it at Alec. “Here you go.”

“Thanks, son,” Alec mumbled.

IM WHEEZING

DAVID BAKES

“David made it,” Max said shyly. "

Oh,” Alec replied and then shrugged. “Well, the icing could be a little sweeter I think.”

Ever since Max started dating, Alec had become incredibly protective. Alec liked David of course – it was impossible to find someone who didn’t. But that didn’t mean Alec approved.

And it didn’t help that the blond boy was absolutely terrified of Alec.

ALEC STOP TEASING HIM

THE BOY IS ALREADY SCARED

“I don’t know,” Alec analysed the card. “David used too much glitter.”

“Since when do you have a problem with excessive glitter?” Max demanded.

ALEC

“I didn’t use him!” Max huffed. “He was thoroughly compensated for his efforts!”

“Compensated how?” Alec asked.

“Uh,” Max said. “With donuts.”

when i saw donuts i immediately thought of rose and luisa from jtv

iykyk

but should i continue the show? i got tired of jane continuously embarrasing herself

“You expect us to follow rules?” Alec asked in surprise. “In our own home? On our anniversary?”

The warlock boy grinned wickedly before leaning close to Alec.

“You better do it, or I will tell everyone about your secret,” Max whispered.

Alec blinked at that.

the secret...

I DONT LIKE HOW MANY THINGS POPPED INTO MY HEAD

is highschool musical that bad? i havent watched it. should i?

what if i cried

i just wanna hug alec??? but i cant say it'll be ok because it wont

“Is that why you are not attending?” Magnus grinned at his friend. “Or is it because you are terrified of Georgia?”

“That child is the reincarnation of Christopher Lightwood!” Ragnor complained. “I heard she made explosives out of demon ichor! Who makes explosions out of demon ichor?”

RAGNOR IS PROBABLY GETTING FLASHBACKS

THESE STUPID FUCKING BITCHES

how tf do you think we have survived huh??

medicine that's how

vaccines, anti biotics and what not

stop being close-minded and fucking do it

ok i know the risk is great

BUT OTHERWISE THEY ALL DIE

it was different for warlocks. The Shadow World was their universe. The nephilim kept it safe. At one point in their lives, they had learned to coexist with them, out of necessity and out of obligation.

And now here they were – working together in the name of friendship and love.

how things change...

what

say what

the causes are what

ok let's not jump to conclusions

im fucking crying wtf

alec doesnt deserve this shit

all he's done is make the world a better place

hes worked so hard on this

RAZIEL CAN GO FUCK HIMSELF

what am i supposed to say to my parents if one of them comes to check on me and im sitting here crying at 2 am

He didn’t want to believe in a reality that would punish Alec. Alec who only wanted to do what is good and right.

Alec was who was losing his hope and strength every passing day. Alec who was struggling. Alec who was turning to desperate measures to cope with all the stress.

please alec

no please

THE ANGELS ARE BITCHES

Because if Magnus found out Raziel was the one causing all this pain for Alec, he would march up to heaven and set the bastard on fire himself.

AND I'LL GO WITH HIM

KNEW THE SPY WAS LIVVY

AWW RAGNOR LIKES SELENA THATS SO SWEET

blue and gold

STOP IT IM CRYING AGAIN

The shadowhunter was a good influence on him. Magnus hoped Alec would see it sooner rather than later.

HUH

HUHU

HUH

omg

GIGI GETTING A SIBLING

“Max isn’t allowed to do a lot of things,” Magnus chuckled. “But he does them anyway.”

thats my boi

GASP

]THE NECKLACE

rafael is growing into the consul voice

they grow up so fast

nope nope he's still the little 5 year old

voice cracking what do you mean he's 20

im glad hes happy with mila. or is he...?

Magnus had deduced as much. Alec lived in his beautifully oblivious world. But Magnus noticed.

He noticed the hickeys. He noticed the late-night visits. He noticed the tense phone calls.

well thank god there's at least one non-oblivious person (alec i love you so much but you are very very oblivious)

“What’s stopping you then?” Magnus asked.

"2554 miles,” Rafael chuckled sadly.

me with all my online friends

probably more miles

Magnus tried to do the math but promptly gave up.

me

But Alec did lie though. Magnus pushed the thought away.

NOT NOW

LET ME LIVE IN PEACEFUL OBLIVION

HUSH

“Except melt it?” Rafael chuckled.

“Yes,” Magnus chuckled back. “As you can see, the bar is extremely low in the Lightwood family.”

AHHIUCCDSKUHDCV

i have no clue what the words describing the outfit are

time to google

OK PRETTY

Fifteen years. Fifteen years of loving and Alec still made his heart stutter.

dont do this to me right now I WILL CRY

“What the hell?” Max exclaimed. “Why are you all dressed up?”

“In case you haven’t noticed, it’s my anniversary,” Alec chuckled.

Max-

Fifteen years. Fifteen years and Magnus still took Alec’s breath away.

HJCSDHJBJDHSGCDYGJVVC JHVDFYMJ

it's not funny MY EYES ARE WATERING

“Bapak is a good looking one in the family,” Rafael pointed out. “You are the chaotic one and I am the smart one.”

“What am I then?” Alec asked dryly. “A sack of potatoes?”

“You’re the sexy one,” Magnus grinned. “A sexy sack of potatoes.”

yes.

Alec grinned back and leaned forward. Magnus put his hands around Alec’s neck and kissed him. He kissed Alec with all the love he had inside his heart.

Just like the first time. Just like the hundredth time. Just like the thousandth time.

Because with Alec, every kiss mattered. Every single one.

muffled sob

“Stop making out, oh my god!” Max groaned.

Magnus sensed a pillow coming their way but Rafael caught it before it hit them.

“Max, stop!” Rafael scolded. “You will wrinkle dad’s suit and ruin bapak’s hair! I spent hours ironing both!”

why is max me when i see people display affection in front of me

ALSO RAFAEL HKUIUIDCSKIHUDFVHJDFVHU

“They are here,” Rafael said. “You two better look exactly the way you did when I left with Max or I will raise hell.”

IM SCREAMING

Selena was wearing a blue crop top with the words “MIND YOUR OWN UTEREUS” written in gold.

i need that top

DAVID'S SHIRT IS THE COLOR OF MAX'S MAGIC

AHH ISABELLE DOESNT KNOW SHE'S PREGNANT YET

The argument of “who gave the best gift” had started when Jace and Izzy had gotten drunk on vodka. It didn’t help that Alec had gotten drunk as well. All three Lightwood siblings had then proceeded to have an argument about who had the best spouse. The whole night had been drunken chaos. Magnus, Clary and Simon had let them have it since the Lightwood siblings had a tendency to carry the world on their shoulders even when nobody asked them. They rarely ever let loose ever since their worlds had plunged into sickness and demon attacks. Especially Alec. So, Magnus had let his husband be that 18-year-old boy again. The boy who got drunk and fought with his siblings and sang songs about Magnus’ pretty eyes.

OH MY GOD THE CHAOS

Georgia considered that. “I’m not allowed to melt it, right?”

“No,” they all replied in chorus.

LET GIGI MELT IT

SELENA IM SO PROUD OF YOU

“Dad,” Max said. “Can you keep a picture of me wearing this necklace in your office?”

“Why?” Rafael asked.

“I think it will piss off the boomers,” Max giggled.

“Nice!” Lexi grinned. “A downworlder wearing a shadowhunter heirloom? They will lose their heads. Uncle Alec, you must do it.”

“I will do you one better. I will hang a tapestry,” Alec chuckled.

YASSS I CANT WAIT FOR THE SHADOWHUNTERS TO BE PISSED

AWW THEY DIDNT KNOW THE NECKLACE USED TO BELONG TO MAGNUS

he actually gave to camille first-

Why couldn’t this boy just cause chaos during his travel year like the rest of them? Why did he actually study and do his research as recommended?

why would you NOT study and research during your travel year????

oh shit

well well well

david bby stfu

i love you but pls stop speaking for all our sakes

“Holy shit,” Max said. “It is expensive then!”

“Don’t pawn the ruby!” Rafael warned.

MAX NO-

OH THE STONE COMES FROM EDOM

oh no

pls dont fight

oh so i was wrong about magus confronting him from that snippet

all you need to know is im sobbing right now and grammarly is the only thing making this coherent

dont mind me just

NO I FORGOT ABOUT MAX AND DAVID

GET BACK IN THE ROOM YOU IDIOTS

don't do this to me at 3 am

OK THE DILF PART

thank you for adding light into my life again

(me while editing this: today really isn't my day huh? i just slipped in rainwater outside my balcony because I heard rain and ran there. now my knee and back hurt and I think I sprained (?) my toe-

ANYWAY

wait im gonna go check out the rain and then continue editing this

ok i got bored of the rain)

that made me laugh through my tears

“Objectively good looking?” Jace snorted. “Excuse you, but my parabatai is smoking hot! He is a freaking prize, okay? If we had a magazine for hot shadowhunters, you would be on the cover page. Every single issue.”

“Okay, that’s enough!” Alec interrupted. “Magnus, are you happy? Now all my friends have told me I am pretty.”

“I said smoking hot,” Jace corrected.

“We are not being biased,” Clary pointed out. “It is the general consensus, Alec.”

“It’s true,” Lexi said. “So many people have asked me for your number, Uncle Alec. And I would have given it to them if I wasn’t worried about being turned into a marshmallow.”

LEXI DUHDUGHUDFCUHKVDFUIKFDU

“Dad, I don’t know why you are so worried,” Max said in a bored tone. “You’re a told DILF.”

David choked on his champagne and Jace patted him on the back.

“What the hell is a DILF?” Alec demanded.

“Oh, I know this one!” Jace said excitedly. “It means Dashing and Irresistible Looking Father. Max is right, you are a total DILF.”

“Mr. Herondale-” David raised a hand.

“I heard one of the shadowhunters in their travel year calling me a DILF too,” Jace said proudly.

THAT IS NOT WHAT DILF MEANS OH MY GOD

“It’s not a rumour,” Selena spoke up and passed her phone. “There is a group chat at Scholomance just to thirst after you.”

add me to it

ALL THE COMMENTS I CANT BREATHE

“Alec Lightwood can run me over with a Maserati and I would thank him.”

“Give me that,” Izzy grabbed the phone and started giggling. “Petition for Consul Alec Lightwood-Bane to stab me with his mortal sword.”

“Isabelle!” Alec hissed, cheeks flaming. “Stop it!”

“I want one!” Jace grabbed the phone now. “By the Angel!”

“Read it!” the kids yelled in chorus.

“I would gladly let Consul Lightwood-Bane inspect my mortal instruments,” Jace chuckled and threw the phone at David.

David shook his head vehemently and threw it at Max.

“My body is just a hole for Alec Lightwood,” Max read out loud and started laughing so hard that he fell off his chair.

Lexi grabbed the phone and giggled. “I want the Consul to strip off my runes among other things.”

She passed the phone to Gigi, who looked at the phone and look at Alec.

“Uncle Alec,” the girl said. “This person wants you to crush them with your massive archer arms.”

“Give me that,” Rafael grabbed it now. “Aw, this one is a classic, dad. Alec Lightwood turned me gay.”

He threw the phone at Simon, who stared the screen and looked up. “Uh, I don’t think I can read this one out loud in front of the kids.

“Is this the one about the basement?” Selena chuckled and Simon nodded.

WHAT'S THE BASEMENT ONe

TELL ME

AWW GIGI AND LEXI PUTTING MAKEUP ON DAVID AND MAX RECORDING IT

google translator time

oooo Rafael's gonna talk with Mila

Magnus you're such a good father

seriously

“Sometimes things are just sad. So, you need to let yourself be sad.”

YES

SAY IT LOUDER

THEY ARE UNDER THE BED

AHHH MAX AND DAVID

DAVID CALLED HIM MY ANGEL IN FRENCH

Alec and Magnus hiding under the bed and spying on them is just-

Jace had tried to give Max the shovel talk and had gotten a little too emotional.

of course, he did smh I love him so much

“David doesn’t need a shovel talk,” Alec smiled. “He knows what would happen to him if he hurts my son.”

David gulped. “You will throw me into the silent city?”

“I will ask me husband to portal you to hell,” Alec said – Consul Voice. “We have relatives there.”

the beloved relatives yes

“Goodnight,” Jace gave them a salute. “Have fun inspecting Magnus’ mortal instruments.”

JACE

OH SO THE QUESTION WAS ABOUT SMOKING

damn it

oh my god guys he said he'll stop smoking

just lemme have this moment

my boy's lungs will be intact

HIS LUNGS WILL BE OK

“I can’t wait to see all the messages on the chat after that,” Magnus giggled.

Alec looked up. “I’m more than a tall glass of water, Magnus!”

SCREAMING

In his dream, he saw them again. But they weren’t smiling this time.

what

wait

THE PROPHETIC DREAMS

nope nope nope

Nah I don't know what you're talking about

haha

damn, I think I really hurt my back...

OK BUT THE IMMORTALITY ANGST???? WAS SO SO GOOD???? I know it makes me cry but is it bad that I'm always so excited for angst written by you because of HOW GOOD it is????

"When I die I will love you from my grave" I NEED THIS ON MY FOREHEAD OH MY GOD I LOVE THESE TWO SO SO MUCH

alright I need to get something for my back and my knee (I'm home alone so this will be fun)

OK, I THINK THE NEXT CHP WILL BE ANJALI'S POV I JUST FEEL IT!!! I miss my girl so much I hope she's doing ok. Jaime too...

I'm rereading all of these chapters after chapter 10 because why not. Bye!!

OKAY I AM GLAD YOU LIKED IT BUT I AM ALSO DEEPLY WORRIED ABOUT YOUR HEALTH.

I hope your knee and back feels better soon!

also fuck that teacher yelling something doesn't make people understand it any better ugh dumb piece of shit anyway screw that person.

I hope you get some good rest and recovery from this rollercoaster of a day.

Take care!