#learning to be desired

[hancocksbitch]

On rediscovering my own sexuality, kinks and self worth

Oh this is fun. So fun!

As I've written about before I've been on a journey that ended up in relationship anarchy and that's something that sort of grew into a reality intuitively for both me and my long-term partner.

Our relationship is redefined and more solid than ever, and in some sort of mixed state of not-entirely-platonic-not-entirely-romantic-more-just-family now. 🤗

Hence why I'm phrasing it as "having been on", rather than "currently being on". I feel completely comfortable, at home and happy in "labeling" myself as RA.

What journey I very much still am on is the one of rediscovering myself as a sexual being, this time around on no ones terms but my own (and of course any intimate partners, that goes without saying even if I'm now saying it... 😑). And what a fucking ride (pun very much intended) it is!

The first ~2 years or so of our monogamous relationship turned non-monogamous I personally didn't feel any need or want whatsoever to date or be intimate with anyone. I was over the moon for my partner (compersion is one hell of a thing, I'm so grateful to have been blessed with experiencing that) but felt like I had enough to occupy me with just working on myself, in my own pace.

Then about 6 months or so ago I had a lightbulb moment when I for the first time saw a picture of the singer Laura Pergolizzi aka LP.

"Oh. I'm obviously queer. Go figure...this explains so much." 😂

I truly, honestly didn't realize how much of a part of me was missing before that. Now looking back at my younger self I can't help but laugh a bit at how obvious it was, if I'd had the emotional bandwidth to even look for it back then. But I didn't; I had my plate full with just keeping my head above the proverbial water, a panicked fear of abandonment and a deep-seated belief that I was not worthy of loyalty or love.

The latter still lingers a bit, but I'm working on reprogramming myself, much with the help of both my kind, caring long-term partner ♥️, my wonderful crush 🥰 and also by my newfound friends and acquaintances (love y'all like honeybees loves flowers 🌸🐝).

Meeting my crush and entering into a relationship with them shortly after realizing I'm queer is one of the most wonderful things that have ever happened to me, even if I'm having minor self worth-related meltdowns at least weekly (is it really a date with me if I don't cry at one point? 🤔😉) and struggling to come to terms with and accept that YES, OTHERS CAN LOVE YOU AND FIND YOU DESIRABLE. (Nope. Still not computing that.)

And to, on top of all that, find out that I'm actually a bit of a kinky bastard? Woah. Mind blown.

Like today; I've been reading up a bit on brats within BDSM and I've been giggling at how incredibly much I see myself in what is being described. 🤭 (Really looking forward to the Basement Lab workshop on bratting I'm going to in two weeks! ☺️)

But also realising how sensual, calming and beautiful I find it to imagine submitting to my Dom and to bring them joy and pleasure. I've only just dipped my toes in that dynamic yet (much to my chagrin, I want MORE OF IT! 😄😘) but I'm already obsessed. I had an inkling that I was a sub before I met them but had such highly set standards for what a Dom would have to be to me, that I just assumed that I was never going to meet a person like that (who also wanted me back).

Imagine my surprise when I did find that. Or rather, they found me. And found me interesting! How could I not go belly up?!

I might wobble and stumble at times but I'm getting there. I'm dead set on allowing myself to have and enjoy this, teach myself that I am in fact worthy of the same things in life as everyone else - pleasure, joy, love. Friendship. Loyalty. Companionship and being desired. Pleasure, in whatever form I experience it.

Life's too short not to live it fully.

💪♥️🖤

Oh, here's the image that cured my heterosexuality: 😂🥵

[gibbearish]

love when ppl defend the aggressive monetization of the internet with "what, do you just expect it to be free and them not make a profit???" like. yeah that would be really nice actually i would love that:)! thanks for asking

[acochleola]

desire

[bruciemilf]

Hear me out

“Missionary so we can keep arguing”

[imsosleepyofyourbull]

I firmly believe that Kabru is autistic but masks so hard that he’s convinced himself and (almost) everyone around him that he’s neurotypical.

That man’s special interest is people and how they work, but he just thinks it’s him Being So Good At Socializing — like he doesn’t spend 95% of his time people watching and adjusting his personality in response to the traits he witnesses and obsessing over the intricacies of human interaction while mapping an ever growing relationship chart in his head. For fun. He even admits it in the manga!

Like, look at him!!!

It’s such a shame that — because he’s the narrative foil to Laios and his interest is generally considered more “socially acceptable” in both their world and our own — more people don’t realize this about him. He’s constantly misinterpreted as a horribly manipulative person who only acts the way he does to use the people around him, when that’s explicitly shown to not be the case at all. Kabru is naturally empathetic and is almost always thinking about other people, regardless of whether or not they’re right there with him or a thousand miles away.

I mean, his most defining motivation is his desire to do everything he can to avoid another tragedy like the one at Utaya. Someone who doesn’t care wouldn’t have a goal like that, and they most certainly wouldn’t go about it the way he does. He’s constantly working to help people who can help everyone else and tries so hard to make sure that anyone who seems like a threat is actually someone he needs to worry about before doing anything about it. His supposed aversion to Laios is only because of the ridiculous trolley problem he’s set up in his own head.

Outside of that, he (rather justifiably) hates monsters but is desperate to understand Laios’ love for them and his apparently most selfish goal in getting close to the guy was literally just to become friends with him.

When he’s interacting with the canaries and they imply that they’re going to take him and all of his friends to the West, his first thought is of Rin and how much she’d hate to be stuck in the place that gave her so many bad memories.

He helps Kuro learn Common when Mickbell is asleep and firmly looks forward to the day that the half-foot and Kuro can communicate properly so that their relationship can get properly started without any miscommunication.

And he understands Mithrun with only a handful of weeks AT BEST interacting with him, getting enraged when the elf seems to give up and immediately trying to help him find a new motivation for life.

I’m excited just thinking about the day that Kabru starts unmasking more and more around his friends — both new and old — because if being with my current friend group has taught me anything, it’s that hanging out with anyone so unabashedly themselves is bound to make you more comfortable with yourself too. It’s part of the reason why I like Labru so much! There’s something nice about imagining them hanging out in the throne room or laying in the grass outside and talking for hours on end about their special interests. They might not strictly understand what the other finds so fascinating about monsters or people, but they can grasp that shared feeling of love.

They probably influence each other in really good ways too, with Kabru helping Laios figure out what people are thinking even when it doesn’t make sense or Laios helping Kabru understand that not everyone and everything needs to be analyzed a thousand times over. They both get to learn that there are people like them and people who will love them without them ever having to change a thing about themselves. They deserve to know that they’re fine the way they are.

[tagidearte]

I want to exorcise the demons from your past

I take it back, I'm embracing how suggestive this looks. Have a final lineart WIP in case the colouring and shading take ages. Pure lineart without the greys below.

If you want context, this illustration depicts a scene taking place towards the end of this story I'm working on. Unfortunately, i haven't had time to work on it the past two months... Which is a shame, because I want to have the three chapters lined up before sharing it, since each one will be quite long. We're 17k words in, so I believe the fic will be around 30k total. I wanna share it so badddd

[selenasgirltiffany21]

[zytes]

snow over cold wires / nerine sarniensis

[sainz100]

🩵🩵

[baejax-the-great]

If I were a writer at a big game company working on a sequel to a beloved series and the higher ups kept telling me to make the game shittier and kept sending my work back to me to be dumbed down even further somehow, and then once most of the writing was done they laid me and my coworkers off illegally without severance, I'd probably gleefully watch as people trashed the shitty game that shipped.

[neechees]

This is why i always tell people to question their motivations when they talk/ask about reconnecting, because if your first thought or action upon saying that you are "reconnecting" with alleged Native ancestry is to start calling yourself "twospirit" then I'm not sure reconnection was your initial goal here. It seems like you feel special if you get to use that specific term, and you think claiming Indigenous identity would give you a free pass to use it.

And if you had to essentially ask a random ndn on tumblr for permission to reconnect or use a cultural term on anonymous, then what do you think the answer is, if you had to ask?

[gurggggleburgle]

the reason why Luo Binghe and Shen Yuan can't attic wife each other in there house and never leave is that they don't have internet or anything else around to help keep them moving. I think we chalk too much of Shen Qingqiu being a super productive person post transmigration often too much to reading into things and treating his unreliable narration as fact.

But like, what is he supposed to do all if not actually go outside and talk to people and get a job. Luo Binghe needs to do things other than be a housewife for his own sanity so he doesn't cabin fever. He can't live focusing his day around a singular person being in the room its not healthy and would drive him insane. These are not overly productive constantly doing things people. These are people doing things to make sure they aren't malaise slugs feeling nothing in their day to day drudgery.

This is just what a healthy post/pre internet mental state kinda looks like.

[turtleblogatlast]

Something I really like is that April’s constant stream of odd jobs she goes through is somewhat reflected in the boys as well. Like, you have April working at random pizza places or getting a crane license or being fully willing to apply for a job at a place clearly made out of cardboard. Then you have the boys as well who do anything from working as a basketball mascot, building a massive dog park, being waiters, getting a whole band gig at a theme park, etc, etc-

Main difference is that April actively applies for these jobs (and is hopefully paid for the short time she’s in them) whereas for the bros the jobs usually find them (and they practically never get paid.) It doesn’t even stop at jobs either, they just seem to casually amass skills in general.

I don’t know, I like how both April and the turtles are just so ready and willing to do things. Sure, they’re not always good at these things, but they do them readily! In a way, being heroes is just another job (well, more like volunteer work/vigilantism/another fun activity) that they initially took on because of their general sense of “why not?”

They’re very willing and open to trying out new things despite their tendency to revert back to what they enjoy (and how commonly trying new things ends up going wrong), and I think that adaptational interest of theirs really helps them be well rounded in multiple regards.

[mayasaura]

To be clear, I do ship Marcille and Falin!! I just ship them as.... complicated, you know? They have dyke drama. Marcille is deluding herself that Falin hasn't grown up and she's not going to age, and she's not going to die no matter what Marcille does, and Marcille isn't going to have to live most of her life having lost her. Meanwhile poor Falin would like a step by step written explanation of how to convince her very good elf friend that she is an adult, and has some potentially adult feelings about getting wet and naked and crawling into bed together

[son-of-avraham]

Person with no whimsy: Why are you trying to trick g-d with loopholes? 🙄🙄🙄🙄