#legit feel like studying right now lol

[arataka-reigen]

Oh im going insane. Only the second day of college break and I want to study?? What is this?

[strawbbella]

Helloo~ I was bored in class one day so I thought "why not do an art study of the artists I like" except it incredibly scuffed and I really just looked at a bunch of art on their page and i tried my best to replicate one of em

So these are the 2 'studies' i did that day

1st:

My ver:

(Art by @izuke-the-zombie )

ref pic:

What I noticed first while sketching is ofc the super gorgeous cute style. Though not long into the sketching phase noticed her lines are quite sharp and pronouced, for most of her works she keeps her sketch lines making it seem more mmm hazy is the right word? Or effortless, but with every sharp line a rounded(?) line contrasts it, giving it that signature fluffiness. I absolutely adore how well this all mixes together, i dunno just sonethin bout her lines bro

I love the expression, really gives off absolutely love sick, I didn't capture the eyes quite well (I blame my chonk pen because all good artists blames their materials/j) Macaque looks more scared than breath taken and I put the eyes too far apart. I basically deprived the eyes of its soul lmao note for next time I do a study.

Ok this part has not much to do with the ref pic but her art in general and that includes her writing. I adore the cute HCs and little stories/AUs she would post, just so much creativity and its always so comforting to read as theyre so wholesome and cute. Im so sure one of my first posts here were a drawing of one of her HCs LIKE SRSLY SO CREATIVE. I was also surprised as I saw in some artworks she's able to draw structures and environments that draws your into the scene, its fits the universe so well, just adding to that little wonderment of awe. Shes amazing at coloring too, real soft, but still makes the characters pop, i'd say more but my brain is short-circuiting from all this analyzing. Shes just all round incredibly talented and creative honestly. Her style is exactly what i wanted to have as a kid and what im striving to have now. So cuteee

So far 11/10 art style, love the chibiness, cuteness, expressions, the pure and pastel feel and colors, and details. Just love her in general<3 check out her page lol

2nd:

My ver:

(Art by @clatteringbats )

ref pic:

Ok so immediately off the bat I knew I was gonna have some trouble here since I've been drawing chibis from the very start.

Just from observing her art I alr saw it has a lot of movement in em, lots of dynamic poses, and LOTS of embraces, really just pouring with that fluff/angst energy. At first I tried the anime body guidelines and boom instant error. Though not all that noticable the heads have sum chonk in em, especially the cheeks, giving that cute factor despite not being a chibi style. Im all for it. The lines are very soft, not a lot of sharp edges and if there are theyre placed in a very subtle way. The expressions are wonderful: from a subtle hopeless smile from an overwhelming roar of grief and anger, she's mastered the the art of slight details that give these effects their magic. Her lines are sketchy but not messy (does that make sense) they clump together neatly, giving the illustration clarity.

AND OMG HAVE YOU SEEN HER ANIMATICS? THE MOVEMENT, THE PACING, THE SMOOTHNESS, THE INTERACTIONS, THE EMOTIONS, THE EVERYTHING. THEYRE SO AAAA ITS LIKE A PROFESSIONAL STORYBOARD FOR A TV SHOW.

The way she uses color too— just o h m y g o d .

Her colors are so bright and clear, so nicely blended together, so bold, but not in the way that burns your eyes, she keeps them neutral in a way, that envokes that sense of harmony; like a sunset. (I legit have one of her colored artworks as my wallpaper) I have lots more to observe, but so far this is all I have to say. The skill of overflowing

Anways, back to the task at hand. I made the heads bigger than i shoulda , cause well chibi artist ehe. Again, I blame my chonk pencil. I didn't get the embrace quite right, but Ion think I could level with the queen of LITERALLY DRAWING TEARJERKING HUGS LIKE? I tried with the hands, I swear. I knew they were a little small but only now am I realizing its that way cause I made the heads too big. I wanna try drawing more in her style as its really just full of movement and flowiness, I wanna try mastering the way she draws perspectives too. I noticed for perspective shots theres this grid for the sky and ground (which is genius) will try that out when I actually pick up digital art again.

Check out her page, theres lots to see shes amazing 11/10 artstyle<3

[firecooking]

(bruhstation) hey neil! thank you very much for supporting fortezza bigg city so far :] I really appreciate the thought you've put into analyzing bits of my silly little AU, and I've also gained a huge appreciation for your own works as well. it's so clear you've put a lot of thought and research into your AU and it really blew my mind because everything is so meticulously thought out!!! and I'm looking forward to more!!! here's a quick sketch of your gal zaffre! once again thanks :3 (also you're inspiring me to make my own z-stacks oc! haha)

OHHH MY GOD LOOK AT HER MY BABY GIRL MY SWEET CHEESE SHE LOOKS AMAZING AHHH YOUR ART IS SO GOOD I LOVE YOUR FORM AND VOLUME AND HOW YOU DO YOUR LINE WEIGHT WITH THE OPACITY AND LINE DYNAMICS your handle on anatomy and rendering is really interesting to me, reading you work in Fire Alpaca with a mouse is mind boggling to me, i remember when I was doing the same years and years ago and the skill you show is really fascinating and i am jealous, the way your art is put together is scratching my brain. i have been doing art studies of it and trying to dissect it, it'd have such a interesting feel for animation, you have a wonderful style for breaking down into a limited animation style with a emphasis on dynamics with animation in a 8s, 6s, and 4s with 2s detailing and a hard tweening style [<- just professional animator things lol] The way you render shadow and lighting is also ough. This Zaffre is genuinely so wonderful, new desk top background moments. I love her gesture and expression here, it really captures her as a character! Also the way you draw hands, augh, just augh I wish.

You, my friend, are a fabulous illustrator!

And oh my god your AU is scratching my brain in ways I didn't think possible! I know so little yet there is so much there. When I genuinely say that it is affecting me as much as if not more that @askthefamous8 that is the highest compliment I can muster [that AU has been one of my special interests since 2015,]. I am legit making a post it note wall over FBC just like ATF8 had when I was in middle/high school

You have the most loyal human AU fan on your team now, I genuinely smile thinking about Fortezza Bigg City all day long, my friends and partner are getting annoyed to death from me ranting. sorry dear if you are reading this: I know you hate tugs

Also thank you! I really love doing in depth research, its the autism at work. I am a proud vehicle autistic. I've said it before but working on a ship for a summer just to know the mechanics of how actual sailing works is probably the most unhinged thing I can say I've done for accuracy sake. Loved my Captain and fellow crew, very sad I got sick and had to leave. Honestly would love to be a sailor if my heath wasn't bungled up and I wasn't like $200k of debt in animation college.

My humanoid vehicle AU's are partially based on my sadly never going to be picked up pitch bible for a science fiction based historical vehicle show [my fatal flaw is niche interests] And it literally makes my day to sit down and work on the most expansive and historically researched BS on earth, my AU is both a lovely love letter to TUGS as the show it is and a Love Letter to what TUGS wanted to be! At the end of the day TUGS wanted to be it's days Steven Universe or MASH [something I am gonna elaborate in another format later] but unfortunately it just didn't have the right ingredients. Its the Same as the TUGS musical I'm working on, it's a love letter to what TUGS both is and was supposed to be along with being a love letter to the characters themselves

Also:

Join the Z-Stacks OC League, we have cool hats and crime

[manias-wordcount]

Hi! Can I get Edward Elric (Fullmetal Alchemist), Tamaki Suoh (OHSHC), and Illumi Zoldyck with a hypermobile fem s/o with knee problems?

Here’s where the insight comes: now, because of my flexible joints, I can do all sorts of weird things. I can twist my arms like 360 degrees or so (sometimes, I hear the joints popping; it doesn’t hurt most of the time, but I do feel a minor squeeze at worst), I can bend my thumb to my forearm (though it hurts somewhat if I hold it too long, but that goes away quickly; for some reason, my left is more flexible than my right), and I’ve been known to be able to touch my shoulder or even my face with my foot if I stretch it enough. Also, my skin is stretchier than most people’s, and it’s to the point where I can kind of cover my thumb in my hand (and it freaks people out). Also, I can do this thing where I turn my hands inward and my elbows poke out (I legit once had a girl come to me saying, “That’s not normal,” bless her heart. I even do what’s called the W position on a daily basis, which is comfortable to sit in but takes a bit to get up from. Conveniently, it allows me to scratch my own back without a backscratcher or even give myself a massage if I want. On the downside, I have a history of kneecap dislocations (I’ve had a total of 4: 3 times in the left kneecap and once in the right, all on separate occasions and it’s been happening since I was 13). As such, I’m best off with low-impact exercises like swimming or cycling because they’re easier on my joints than, say, soccer. Thankfully, I’ve found things like hot baths and basically being in hot water is very soothing for my joints. Also, I remember I was once recommended mustard paste for my kneecaps but I have yet to test it. I don’t know the exact cause of my hypermobility because I haven’t been diagnosed yet but that’s ok.

Note: I don’t know if you write for Meliodas from Seven Deadly Sins or Snake from Black Butler, but if you do, are you ok with adding them too? If not, would another character of your choice from those fandoms be ok?

Hypermobile S/o with knee problems HCs (Edward Elric, Tamaki Suoh, Illumi Zoldyck, Meliodas, Snake)

𝗔/𝗡: 𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗴𝗼 !!!!

𝙒𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙 𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙚? ⇒ 𝙈𝙖𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩

𝙟𝙤𝙞𝙣 𝙢𝙮 𝙙𝙞𝙨𝙘𝙤𝙧𝙙 𝙨𝙚𝙧𝙫𝙚𝙧?

Edward Elric

Out of everyone?

He’s probably the one who knows the most about hypermobility

Though he was extremely surprised the first time he saw it in action

It’s something he definitely read about when doing all kinds of studies about the human body

And when he was just finding out about hypermobility, he was probably surprised at first about just how much more complex it is

Though now that he’s older, he’s prepared to help with any potential problems that may arise for you

However, he’s still Ed

He’ll be the one to help you to the infirmary when your knee dislocates

But you know he’ll panic and he’ll yell about it first before he gains enough sense to get you the help you need

So at least he isn’t totally useless…he’s just Ed!

Tamaki Suoh

10000% will scream “WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOUR BODY” the first time he saw your hypermobility

But don’t worry

A quick dumbed-down explanation (by Haruhi or even Karou) will have Tamaki singing a different tune in a second

In fact, he’d probably start asking if you could do a bunch of tricks

And if you could show it to him too LOL

Out of everyone, it’ll probably be Honey to ask if it ever hurts doing all the things your body is able to do

And the second you mention your knee problems? Oh boy

Tama-chan is going to be all over you

Researching about all the things that could ever go wrong, looking up what he can ever do to help, finding out if there's stuff he can buy you to make things better- the works

But hey! At least he’s supportive!

Illumi Zoldyck

He knows

No need to tell you anything

In fact, knowing him and his family?

It’s entirely possible he knew before YOU did

If you ever do anything to showcase your hypermobility, he won’t comment much on it

He’s just content watching you do your own thing

He will tell you to be careful though

But you don’t have to worry much

The household knows your medical history- all of it

Illumi (and literally anyone on the Zoldyck payroll) are here to assist you if ever the need arises

Meliodas

Genuinely does think it’s cool

But he’ll be super nonchalant about it as he usually is with the weirdest things

Though you know he’ll be bragging about how cool he thinks you are when he gets drunk to the other guys

Of course, it’s probably Gowther that points out how your hypermobility has been the source of a few instances of pain for you

And suddenly it starts to make sense why you’re the first to move far away from a fight

Aside from Hawks after someone gives him a swift kick to belly

And your general avoidance for anything high impact

Naturally, he’s going to start consulting the all-knowing Merlin if there’s anything she can do to help you

And even though it’s disappointing to hear that she currently has nothing in her arsenal, you at least have a very powerful demon now looking out for you in case of a problem!

(…As if you didn’t have that all along LOL)

Snake

As a (former) member of Noah’s Ark circus, you’re not the first person he’s met with hypermobility

Compared to others, finding out about this aspect of your life isn’t so surprising given his upbringing

Though he can’t say he expected it

Something like this isn’t so obvious until it is

Of course, that doesn’t mean he knows anything about it

He’s not the most sociable (or knowledgeable) for that matter

It was through getting close to you and hearing you speak about yourself that he was able to learn about hypermobility and how it affects you in particular

Finding out about your knee problems and your other sources of pain definitely made him a little more protective

Not like he was doing anything that would end up bad for you in the first place but still!

Snake is a good boy at heart! He’ll look out for you <3

[stonerzelda]

genuinely idk about this job shituation I will probably just try to tough it out and deal with the intensely uncomfortable days going forward knowing that my fears have been confirmed and my coworker Does in fact hate me, and everyone there Does in fact fully believe me to be a legit idiot apparently unworthy of basic respect or friendliness 🫠🥴

Like I cant! I Cannot just quit ANOTHER job because I'm disliked! I tried so fckin hard, I finished my training and filled an entire notebook TO THE BRIM with every single miniscule detail of it in there thinking I would study this job like it was a fckin class so this specifically wouldn't happen!! But honest to god I did not see this coming and its making me question if maybe they're all right about me.

Like IM tired of making excuses for myself. It HAS to be me. I have to be the problem. It just doesn't make any fckin sense to me bc it's not like I'm not trying!!!!! Am I really just stupid? But then again like even if I was, is that a conceivable reason to treat someone like they're the bane of your existence when they've been nothing but kind despite that???

Idk man. Sorry for venting on main so much big time but I am soooooo lost. Like I feel so completely defeated. I'm 26 now and I have fuck all to show for it. My aspirations aren't realistic and going back to school at this age sounds like a nightmare for 1, and for 2 even if I did I really don't think it would actually yield me any results. That's just not how it works anymore.

Fack lol..

[fandomfluffandfuck]

Please do the Chris Evans pottery fic! I legit have always thought about for years! Like him taking a night class or a private class for anxiety or hobby (that Scott guilted him to take) so he doesn’t get recognized and the reader (please preferably male) vaguely knows who he is and doesn’t care and teaches him and he falls in love with reader. Like a slow burn. Bro please I’m on my knees begging 🙏 your writing is god tier for Chris fics

related to this

First and foremost I have to say, goddamn, you really went back into the archives to find that post 💀💀 don't get me wrong, I appreciate the hell out of you for that but, also, oof, have I already been on Tumblr for 3 fucking years!?

What? When?

Second, I actually never thought too much about that idea haha. I just couldn't get past the idea of Chris using his hands in that way 🥴 because look, I'm much more of a sculptor than a potter, but it has never been lost on me (a) how much skill it takes to throw on the wheel, and (b) how fucking hot it can look lmao

So, because I never thought too deep about the idea beyond the look, I have to say That's A 👏🏻 Top 👏🏻 Notch 👏🏻 Idea 👏🏻

I love that idea, like:

Chris rolls up to a night pottery class with a baseball cap pulled down real low, trying not to be noticed, squeezing his shoulders in to be less big and noticeable.

You notice him though--he looks a little funny, trying so hard not to stand out and obviously not realizing that a long sleeve, chunky cardigan is 100% the wrong thing to wear when you're about to be playing with clay. But, you don't care about him being Mr. Movie Star (or dressed badly for this activity lol) because, obviously, if he's here for a class, he wants to learn

(Later you'll learn that Scott was the one to push him into it, telling him, lovingly, to quit just talking about beginning to work with his hands and actually Do It)

and so, he's gonna learn.

You are the teacher though, so... it's your duty to keep the secret that Captain America is in their midst.

(But that won't keep you from teasing him subtlety by asking him if he'd perhaps like a blue or red or clear glaze)

Chris might not pick up the skill of throwing as quickly as some of the others (mostly because he's never messed with clay before while many of the other students have even if it was years ago in high school or college or wherever), but he's dedicated.

He puts his all into learning throwing.

You learn quickly, instructing Chris, that he has this tendency to squeeze a little too hard and over-correct the clay. The strength he's got comes in handy with wedging clay and assisting in reconstructing the electric kilns by putting in the heavy shelves, but, when on the wheel, it's not about how hard you can press the clay, how hard you can squeeze it, or anything like that (unless you're working on huge, HUGE projects with massive amounts of clay... but, these students are not there yet). It's about letting your hands glide over the clay, it's encouraging the clay to stretch and compress delicately.

Pottery very much more finesse than force.

And you tell him that a lot in the beginning, "relax, for now, don't try to control it too much. Try to let go and just feel. Keep your elbows anchored in your hips and thighs, but, otherwise, stay loose and relaxed. Breath out. Sink into it, y’know? Relax."

Chris laughs, looking up at you from the little mound of clay he's been centering on his wheel head, "I didn't know this would be so... spiritual? I mean, shit, this feels like therapy."

"Ha," you say, "just be glad it's therapy and not Ghost."

Chris chuckles, "are those my only two options?"

"Right now, rookie? Yes." You point back at his unattended and still spinning wheel, "now, please put your nose back to the grindstone before I'm forced to saddle up behind you. I don't need to be shot in the streets before I get hands-on with my teaching"

You swear, under that cap and beard, Chris blushes. But. He also gets back to work, so... you can't be sure you're not just seeing things 👀

There are a lot of little moments like that throughout the class. Flirting. Maybe. Maybe not. Chris might just be that charming. You can't be too sure.

It's very charming to watch Chris pick up his wobbly creations after they've been put through the bisque kiln and laugh at their unstable bumps and lumps as he tries to set them flat on the table. Plus, when he sands his pieces, he murmurs to himself, talking about all the silly mistakes he finds. Nail marks. Dips. Bulges. Extra bits of clay he missed when trimming. You swear you hear him call himself a "meatball" once...

That is a challenge to not laugh at, but, you don't because you don't want him to know you're paying such close attention to him. (You can't have favorite students after all 😘)

And later, it's very sweet to watch him admire his first glazed pieces. He's very gentle with them, running his fingers back and forth, back and forth, over the smooth glaze. He seems to enjoy the smooth sensation.

Also, listen, I have no proof but I feel like Chris is gonna be the type of potter that gets Really Messy. Like, clay and slip all over his hands, of course, but also all up his forearms and flecks of it on his face and in his hair. His poor apron and shoes.

Also, I think Chris would be the type of potter that wipes their hands on their thighs over their apron 😮‍💨

Chris takes one class then another and another. He's getting much, much better.

But, he still looks like he's watching you perform magic when you quickly throw a vace or pie platter for a demonstration. It's really endearing. You'd love to see more of his face while watching you work, but, no matter how good you are at pottery, you can't do it without looking. Not yet... maybe someday, if you keep practicing.

And eventually, I'd like to think that you exchange numbers. Chris no longer takes your class and so it's fair game.

He comes over to your place and you cook a meal together because you already know each other well enough. So, you skip the more public dates that are better for strangers.

Chris seems mystified by the fact that ALL your plates, bowls, mugs, etc. are things you've made. Thrown on the pottery wheel. He just thinks it's very cool and personal. Also, he swears because of taking your class that he can't look at a factory-made plate or bowl or mug the same. They look so plain and lifeless now. In return, you tease that you'd offer to make him a set for his own home as a present (maybe for his birthday or Christmas) but, you're gonna insist that he at least try to make a set himself first.

And, hey, if he needs more encouragement maybe that Ghost option could come true...

Sorry, this is so short but I just had to get some real quick thoughts out between study sessions lol

Thank you so much for bringing this up again and thank you for reading!!

[precious-little-scoundrel]

What got you into writing/how long have you been writing?

What’s your writing inspiration?

Do you write in silence or need background sounds? Like music?

Do you struggle more with dialogue or detail?

Any tips for someone who wants to write fanfiction?

How do you differ all your OC’s so you don’t rewrite the same characters over and over?

Do you do research?

— from someone who would love to write their own stories lol but yours are great!

My darling. So many apologies for how tardy I’ve been in replying to this, I really wanted to give it due thought because I’m quite touched you’d even ask.

1: I’ve been writing since I was little, my mama was always reading me classics and my greatest ambition was to be some kind of author every bit as colorful as their characters, a la Oscar Wilde. 🥳

2. Writing inspiration? Oh that’s a hard one only in that I could cite a million things and chat your poor ear off, but to be boring and also frank -I just love stories. I think they’re so inspiring and healing and necessary for making sense of things, or else resigning to things that can’t be explained. I love to study love and how very human and fallible and also indestructible it is in its many forms. I love to dig through tragedy and find the refining purpose of it, I love to take characters through hells I’ve been through so that I can imagine their triumphs, too, and my own through them. If this can happen to -name your hero- then I’m no smaller for it happening to me, if -name your hero- can get through it and be loved and admired by a whole fandom? -I deserve the same commendation from myself at the very least. Stories are essential and fun and I never ever imagined I’d have a little group one day liking my own where we could all scream about these things together. I’m legit so humbled each time I log on here and find y’all ready and waiting and interactive. The community of it, that’s the biggest drive right now, tbh. What a sweet season.

3. I usually write in silence, or else at any chance where I have a moment, so that could be public transport or lunch breaks or in the loo during family holidays, ha. However I do find music to be an inspiring mood setter for writing later that day. Especially as i juggle many ongoing projects at once, the genre im listening to before may very well influence what gets worked on.

4. Detail!! Dialogue can be challenging but I hear it so clearly in my head most of the time that it’s not hard. Details can devastate me.

5. Ooof, I still feel like I’m a baby at it, this is only my second fandom to dare for. I’d say for sure write what you find inspiring instead of what appears to be wanted, i firmly believe that’s the only sure way to keep up any inspiration and the niche will draw its own crowd, one’s who will like it all the better for its specially crafted world. Also, for dialogue -replay and replay dialogue from the character before you write. Are they terse or do they ramble? Are they sarcastic or earnest? Do they have a word they repeat often? -I noticed the other day how Rosenthal uses “you know?” often in the show. Also, sometimes switch up sentence structure from character to character, it helps feel like hopping brains without a fully jarring POV change. All these are things I’m currently working at myself, but that’s the best I’ve got for advice.

6. Oh boy I’m still figuring this out myself. Three things come to mind as little helps I use- first off, read real biographies, it helps tremendously with crafting fully dimensional fictional people. Two -have a maturing arc for your OC during the story, separate from whatever adventure or romance that occurs, this will make it feel less like a inserted person into the broader story. Three, choose a personality type or something similar to both keep them separate from the next but also to ensure their virtues have corresponding vices.

7. I do research a lot. But I find that it’s a fine line for myself of when that drains all creativity or bravery. Im massively indebted to so many mutuals who generously share their own with me.

[pufflyhallows]

Picks & Pens (III)

It’s been 3 years since the last update and I apologize for that. 3 years in which much life happened. I lost my passion for writing and HP, but have gained a little bit again. So, without further ado, here it is.

Chapter Three: The Interview Warnings: language

Word count: 4,5k

The mirror reflected the image of a very tired young woman.

You washed your face with cold water, a failed attempt to get rid of the tiredness. A cold shower would certainly be more effective, though, and so you started to undress.

It was Wednesday afternoon, but you hadn’t gotten much sleep the night before. You had stayed up late studying the material and preparing your stuff. You didn’t regret it per se, but you reckoned you had made better decisions in the past. Now there were just a few hours left before the interview and you were already feeling sleepy.

Jessie hadn’t been a good influence on you, either. She had texted you almost the entire time, asking questions about it and practically begging you to promise you would share everything with her. Mrs. Lennox had asked you not to, though, so you had to let Jessie down and say no.

You got out of the shower feeling a little refreshed. Maybe you could also brew some coffee before leaving, just to make sure you would be able to maintain your performance standard.

Once you got dressed, you sat down by your desk and decided to go through your material one more time, but before you could even turn on your laptop, you heard a ding from your phone.

- Coffee break? Xx

It was Jessie. You looked at the time and figured you could use a friendly ear to listen to your concerns before the job.

- Sure. Joey’s?

- Can’t it be here? I’m not sure if I want to get out of the building.

- And I’m not sure if I want Mrs. Lennox to see me.

- LOL OKAY

Truly, you weren’t sure if she would see a problem with you out and about just before the interview. It was better not to risk it. Jessie could leave work for half an hour with no issues and that was certain.

Joey’s was your favorite coffee shop in town. You knew all the staff (one high school senior and one college student, both girls), but you had never met Joey, their father. It was a small shop, with few tables and not many clients, but it was cozy, lovely and family-owned, which meant everything tasted like it had been prepared by your mom, if that made sense. It was very different from the franchise coffee shop in the business building, where everything was overpriced. Sam was cool, though.

You met with Jessie and soon she started begging you again to tell her about the job. Once again, you said no.

“I won’t tell anyone, Y/N,” she pouted.

“I know… But you know how Mrs. Lennox is. If she finds out I told anyone, I’ll be doomed.”

Jessie sighed. “Okay. I give up.”

“I need some reassurance, though. How do I look?”

“Oh my God, it is Tom Hardy, isn’t it?”

“Jessie, for the love of God, forget Tom Hardy. It’s not him.”

“I can’t think of anyone else I would be worried about my looks for.”

“Well-I- It’s not- I’m not worried about my looks. I just asked how I look.”

Jessie raised an eyebrow at you. “You look beautiful, Y/N. You are beautiful, you know it. Your hair looks extra cute today, though. What’d you do?”

“Hate on it.”

“Sounds legit,” she raised her cup of coffee to take a sip, but stopped mid-air, her eyes going wide.

“What?” you frowned, looking behind you. There was nothing there.

“It’s Sirius…”

You looked back at her.

“…isn’t it?” she looked intensely at you.

You opened and closed your mouth a couple of times before trying to change the subject.

“Oh my God, it’s Sirius Black you’re interviewing tonight,” Jessie said excitedly and you quickly shushed her. “That’s why you couldn’t sleep and that’s why you’re so worried about your hair and that is why Mrs. Lennox wants discretion.”

“Okay, first of all, I could’ve gone to bed early if I wanted to. Second of all, I’m not worried about my hair. But, yes, you’re right about the last one.”

“Ohhh, this is so exciting! You haven’t seen each other in years, have you? What is it for? Can’t be January, it’s too- Oh! Valentine’s Day! Y/N… this is major!”

You let her freak out for a little bit before interrupting. “Congratulations, you’ve figured it all out. Now, please, be quiet and don’t tell anyone.”

Jessie pretended to lock her lips and throw out the key. “But tell me, how are you feeling?”

“Honestly? A little nervous.”

“You should be! He’s so fucking hot. Who even is Tom Hardy?”

“Thanks.”

“Sorry. I’ll be more serious now,” she sat straighter. “I know we never really talked about… him. You don’t like to do so and I respect it. I’ll be all ears right now if you want to vent, though. And then if you don’t ever want to talk about it again, I’ll never bring it up.”

You melted a little bit with Jessie’s small speech and reached for her hand, squeezing it slightly.

“Thank you. I do want to vent. I was planning to without revealing too much, but I don’t even know how it would’ve worked out.”

“I’ll pretend I can’t speak English now. Say whatever you want.”

You inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly, realizing your chest had been tight all day.

“The location… is what is making me specially nervous. It’s a house. A small house he bought way back. Today he uses it as a personal studio, but it actually… was our home.”

Jessie seemed legitimately surprised, but, as promised, she did not interrupt.

“He used to live in a friend’s house when we were in high school. It’s very public that he has no contact with his family, I’m sure you know. Anyway, when we graduated, we had already been together for about two years, and since he wanted to move out of this friend’s house, we decided to move in together. I went to college and got a minimum-wage job, while he kept working on his music, so the rent we could afford was a very small apartment. Things were a little tough money-wise in the beginning, but then he met a manager. He didn’t get signed right away, it actually took a while, but he was making more money with shows and soon we could afford to get out of that small apartment and upgrade to a small house,” you chuckled. “Still rented, but it was all ours and he could make as much noise as he wanted with no neighbors complaining. It was like that until he got signed. That’s when everything changed. He released a full album, his first, and money started coming in faster. He went on his first tour and more money came. Not long after, he released a second album. By this time, I graduated and got a better job. Then, after his second tour, he bought the house. That small house we had been renting for three years. I remember going crazy on him after he told me the ‘surprise’. I said we should’ve been saving money for a bigger one that both of us would pay for. He told me not to worry and that he didn’t want a bigger one. He said he didn’t want us to change lifestyles that quick because he didn’t want to ‘get used to it’. He genuinely thought he wouldn’t go far. I thought it was stupid at the time, but… I actually loved that house. And hey, it was his money.”

You stopped and bit your lower lip.

Jessie was still watching you, listening to you, and didn’t say a word.

“The rest is history, I guess. He exploded with his third album, when he changed his style a bit, and then we broke up.” You downed your second espresso and waited for Jessie to process everything.

She took a few seconds before breaking her silence. “Do you… um… mind if I ask why you two broke up?”

“Conflicting schedules. He got too busy.”

Now, that wasn’t exactly a lie, but it also wasn’t the entire truth. Jessie would probably guess, though, because she was part of the press too and she knew that was the number one excuse for a break up that celebrities used when they didn’t want to go into details.

“I see…” she nodded.

“So yeah, I’ll be stepping in that house for the first time in seven years. I don’t know what to expect, but I feel I won’t be too happy. It’s probably so different…”

“I’m sure you’ll be just fine. You’re one of the best journalists I’ve ever met and I know you’ll interview the hell out of him.”

You allowed yourself to laugh a little, despite the nervousness. “Thank you, Jessie.”

“You’re welcome, babe,” she squeezed your hand. “Well, I gotta go back to work. Good luck out there and text me if you need me.”

“I will. Thanks again.”

And with that, she left you alone with your racing thoughts.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You had a little trouble finding your old house, but that was the first time you drove there, you could be forgiven.

You parked your car across the street, knowing better than to draw attention to the small, discrete house. Before getting out though, you looked at it. The living room lights were on, but the porch lights were off, unlike the other houses around it. If he didn’t want to draw attention to himself, he should’ve turned them on.

The street was deserted, as it always was in the winter. You crossed it remembering how the kids liked to run around and ride their bikes in the summer. It was a happy neighborhood. You wondered if Mrs. Benson was at home. She used to bake the best cookies.

Adjusting your bag on your shoulder, you knocked on the door and waited. The small garden under the living room window looked just the same, with the exception of a few extra flowers you didn’t remember being there last time. Despite a thin layer of snow covering virtually everything, you could see that the front yard was neat and the grass well kept. The little stone path gave you a very warming and nostalgic feeling. You had picked those stones, you had planted some of those flowers, you had mowed that grass many times. It was like going back in time, when things always worked out the way you planned them. Maybe the backyard still looked the same too, maybe the small wooden table you also had picked was still there. Wouldn’t be out of place to ask to look, would it?

No. You shook your head, trying to get rid of that thought. You were working. This was a job.

A rustling sound came from the other side of the door and you heard two locks clicking. Still two locks.

The door was opened, and a pair of grey eyes met yours.

His wavy black locks reached his neck and covered his forehead – it was the longest his hair had ever been. There were dark circles under his piercing eyes, but you knew that was usual. They had always been there, specially before he left his parents’ house. The black sweater and black trousers meant he had been there for some time now, you guessed. You didn’t think it was the outfit for a photoshoot.

Of course the only reason why you were paying attention to those details was the article. Descriptions were taken very seriously by you as it gave the reader a sense of proximity to the subject. Your eyes trailed his figure for that purpose, only. If it made you feel anything was another story…

Maybe a second or two passed before another sound was made, but it felt much longer than that.

“Y/N,” your name rolled out of his tongue like it was difficult to pronounce, although his voice tone was steady.

“Hello, Sirius. I’m here for your interview. I represent SL Magazine,” you explained in your business, emotionless and yet polite voice. The one you used for every job.

“I know,” he looked down for a brief moment and then looked back up. “Come in.”

Leaving the door open behind him, Sirius went inside. You followed, not forgetting to lock it.

He went straight to the kitchen, and so you stayed in the living room, eyeing everything in your range. To say you were surprised was an understatement. The house looked exactly the same inside too. All the furniture and decoration were the same, again with the exception of a few different guitars you didn’t recognize laying around or hung on the walls.

“Can I get you anything?” you heard from the kitchen. “I’ve got coke, beer, redbull… But also tea, water, you know.”

“Water is fine,” you replied.

“Are you sure? There’s peppermint tea.”

You bit your lower lip. It wasn’t a big deal, why say no?

“Peppermint tea sounds great.”

A few seconds later he was back with a warm cup of tea in hands.

“No milk, no honey. Just sugar,” he said, offering it to you.

“Thank you,” you took it, feeling a little suspicious. He was too quick. A small voice in the back of your head said he had it waiting for you. You could appreciate it, though. It was no big deal.

“So… How have you been?” he asked. His voice tone wasn’t as steady as before. You could pick up the smallest of trembles in it. Your ears were basically trained for details like that and you wouldn’t hesitate to use it.

“I should be the one asking you that,” you smiled minimally. “But I’m fine. It’s been a good couple of years.”

“Yeah, I’ve read some of your stuff. It’s pretty good.”

“Thanks.”

You took a sip of the tea, feeling a little out of place. Not that surprisingly, it was perfect, exactly the way you drank it at home. It wasn’t surprising that he still remembered because you had spent nearly eight years together, after all.

There was a small pause, though, and you quickly decided to speak before it turned into an awkward silence.

“And how have you been?”

“Good… good,” he nodded slowly as he spoke. “Can’t complain, can I?”

“You tell me. But not now. I’d like to set up my equipment first,” you let out a quiet chuckle.

Sirius looked slightly disappointed. “Oh yeah, this is an interview.”

“Where do you want me to stay?” you looked around.

“The couch is fine,” he pointed at it and you started to walk towards it. “You don’t mind if I drink during this, do you?”

“Not at all,” you wore the business voice again.

“Y/N…” he called and you turned around, “do you?”

You glanced at him for a few seconds and sighed. You were trying to be professional and treat him like you would treat any other interviewee, but he was making it very hard. “I’d rather not have you drink alcohol while I do my job, but this is supposed to be comfortable for you.”

“Got it,” he went back in the kitchen and you sat down, placing the mug on the coffee table. You opened your bag and took out your phone, tablet, notepad and pen.

Sirius came back with a can of coke and sat down, maintaining a certain distance so each of you were at one end of the couch. You mentally thanked him for the space and took another sip of the tea before starting.

“As you know, I will be recording this for future reference,” you showed him your phone. “And also taking a few notes and looking at my tablet where I have my… sort of script. You know, the standard thing.”

“Yes,” he rested his cheek on his fist.

“Let’s get this started, then.”

You turned on the voice recorder and placed your phone on the coffee table alongside your cup of tea. The tablet, with the script displayed on the screen, was on your lap and the notepad laying on the couch’s arm next to you. The fireplace sent a lovely warmth towards you. You had to admit this was a very nice setting for an interview. It was… home.

“So, Sirius, very recently, more precisely a month ago, right before your 30th birthday, you were declared artist of the decade by SL Magazine. How do you feel about that? Does it change anything for you, personally?”

Sirius sighed. There was something about your voice tone that he didn’t quite like. You sounded too distant. “I feel good. It’s good. People care about my music and that’s something I don’t want to take for granted. But I’m not sure if it changes anything personally.”

“What do you mean?”

“In all honesty, this is great for my career. Really great. But as far as my personal life goes, it’s almost non-existent.”

“Non-existent? What about friends?”

“Friends,” he repeated. “My friends have got their own lives and it’s been so long since I last saw them, I don’t know if they still consider me a friend.”

Sirius was looking at the coffee table, not at you, and he seemed to be wandering in his own mind. You guessed he was talking about James, Remus and Lily, but you didn’t want to go there.

“They probably do. They understand you have a busy life,” you reasoned. “But that isn’t what I meant, anyway. When I say personally, I mean your self-image. How do you feel about yourself now?”

“Hm…” he opened the can of coke and took a long sip before letting out a refreshed ‘ahh’ and licking his lips. “I don’t know. Like I said, it doesn’t really change anything.”

“Right. Okay,” you nodded. “And what about girls?”

Sirius looked at you. “What about them?”

“You do have fun, don’t you?”

“I… guess?” he frowned. “Are you sure you want to talk about that?”

“I’m just saying… You’re a very successful artist. There must be girls all around. Also, you have written quite a few songs about this matter.”

“Well… yeah,” he scratched the back of his neck. “I guess there are.”

“Were those songs based off your own experiences?”

Sirius couldn’t grasp that you weren’t feeling weird talking about this with him. Because he was. Very much. However, you still sounded distant, too professional and emotionless. It was a tad bit disappointing.

“Honestly? Yes. Every single one of them,” he decided to just be real. “I know there are artists who write concept albums, but that’s not really my thing. I mostly write about myself and real events. Sometimes less serious stuff. So yeah, they were.”

“Would you say there is a muse behind them? Or are there multiple girls?”

“A muse? Nah,” he shook his head. “I’m my own muse.”

“Right,” you hid a smirk. “You draw inspiration from yourself.”

“Exactly.”

“Who’s the most important person in your life, Sirius?”

Now that caught him off-guard.

You had your pen between your fingers, swinging it while you waited for his answer. The seconds went by and Sirius had his eyes on the black screen of the turned off TV.

“…myself,” he mumbled.

“Yourself,” you repeated, not surprised, but not showing it.

“That’s quite pathetic, isn’t it?” he took another long sip of his can.

“It’s not my place to say.”

“But you thought.”

“I’m not here to judge you.”

“Yeah, you’re just here to publish information so the public can judge me.”

“I’m here to gather information about you and give it to the people who you inspire, the people who call themselves your fans.”

“That’s a very nice way to describe a tabloid. Good job.”

“Right,” you took a deep breath. “I work for SL, not a tabloid, Sirius. Are you gonna let me do my job?”

“I… Okay… Sorry,” he ran his hand through his hair. “It’s just this tone you’re using.”

“What’s wrong with it?”

“You’re being so… robotic. You sound just like them.”

“Them?”

“The press.”

“Sirius,” you called and he looked at you. “I am the press.”

“I know. But I thought…”

“What?”

“I thought it would be different.”

You stared at him, speechless. Was he that entitled? Or just delusional? You grabbed your phone and paused the recording before speaking again.

“Why would it be different? I’m working, Sirius. This is my job. What did you think was gonna happen? You would open the door and I would hug you and tell you how I’ve missed you and how I’m just so happy to see you?”

“No,” he eyed you intensely. “I just thought it would be more natural. None of that whole fake admiration bullshit.”

“Fake admiration?”

“Yeah, you know. You guys massage our egos and say that you loved our song, movie, whatever, but behind all those compliments and wide smiles there’s heavy criticism. In the end, you hate us and write a passive-aggressive article about how big assholes we are and make money out of it.”

“Oh, I’m sorry! I hadn’t realized how mean the media is to you. It’s not like you’re the artist of the decade or anything.”

“Artist of the decade, ha! Yeah, thanks for that. I’m all fucked up with no friends or family, but hey! I’m the artist of the fucking decade!”

“You chose this! You wanted this! You were the one who said to my face that you didn’t have time for shit like that. You started seeing our friends less and less, but bent backwards to make time for more interviews, photoshoots or any kind of promo.”

“That’s what you wanted from me!”

“What?!”

“I don’t mean you, you. I mean you, the press. You were everywhere! I mean, they. They were everywhere. They milked everything they could. Ricky said I had to-”

“Don’t you dare bring Ricky up.”

“Y/N-”

“I don’t wanna hear it. Not another word of this. I came here to work. I came here to interview you. And that’s what I’m going to do. I will not discuss the past. So, please, let’s pretend we don’t know each other and just… work.”

“You want to pretend we don’t know each other? Fine. You might as well delete that recording because in this case the answers are gonna be a lot different.”

You gaped at him. “You are unbelievable. I don’t know why I agreed to do this.”

He looked at you. “Yeah, why did you agree to do this?”

“I just said I don’t know.”

“I think you do.”

“I guess… I guess I thought it would be different.”

“Oh my God,” he laughed humorlessly. “What do you want from me?!”

“I want you to be you! Just be you for once. Let go of this rockstar persona and be you.”  

Sirius looked at you and you felt like you had hit just the right spot. It was right there, in his eyes. The guilt. The shame.

The air was suddenly thick, and so you let a few seconds pass. You let him breathe for a bit before carrying on.

“Tell me about one of your songs,” you said softly as you turned the recorder back on. “Love Falls. What is it about? Why did you write it?”

“Because…” he said in the same tone, “because I had to get it out.”

“Get what out?”

“The burden,” he gulped, looking down. “I don’t know who I am anymore. I feel like I’m constantly drowning and the only breath of fresh air is when I’m here. In this house.”

“Why?” you whispered.

“Because… it’s the last place where I was happy. It’s why I’ve kept it the same way. Every little thing in here has a good memory behind it. Even this couch. We would all sit here and watch a movie together, remember? The six of us. Then seven. Then six again. Then two. And now one.”

Sirius took a deep breath and rubbed his face with his hands. You blinked a few times and realized your eyes had gotten watery. Not enough to cry, though. No, you weren’t going to.

You looked down at your phone and realized this was getting too deep, too personal. It wasn’t right to record this. You stopped it again and threw the phone inside your bag, closing the zipper.

“Um…” you cleared your throat. “In the lyrics, you say you’ll never forget the day you died. When was the day you died, Sirius?”

Slowly, he looked up at you. “I think you know.”

You shook your head. “I don’t.”

“You do, Y/N.”

“Was it when Peter tried to sue you?” you frowned. You remembered it took a toll on him, but you didn’t think it was to that point. “When he falsely accused you of stealing his music?”

“No. It was the day you left me.”

You did not say a word.

Sirius stood up and chugged down the whole can, then threw it across the room. “That was when I truly stopped being me.”

“You had stopped being you long before I left, Sirius.”

He turned around and stared at you.

“You don’t remember the things you used to say?” you questioned. “You don’t remember the times when you implied you’d always be bigger than me? I was going to be ‘just’ a journalist, but you? You were going to be a big star.”

“I said that?” his voice barely came out. Sirius looked genuinely shocked and heartbroken, his lips slightly parted and a small frown between his eyebrows.

You nodded. “I guess you don’t remember because you were drunk.”

It was Sirius’ time to stay quiet, and you took that chance to say the things you wanted.

“So don’t you dare play the sad victim here. Like I abandoned you or something. You hurt me. Several times. You went from the sweet, funny boy who played guitar for me in recess to the selfish, arrogant guy who wouldn’t even remember my birthday.”

“I… I’m sorry, Y/N.”

You watched as his eyes shifted and suddenly became sorrowful. It was like he had taken his contacts off and you could finally look into his true self. At that moment, he didn’t look like the Artist of the Decade or Sirius Black, the rockstar. He looked like a sad young man who felt lonely and empty.

The pen between your fingers wasn’t moving anymore. The atmosphere of that house was cold now, despite the fireplace in front of you.

“Listen”, you started. “I need to make this interview work. This is very important for me. For my career. Let’s… let’s stick to the music. We don’t have to talk about the past. We shouldn’t. I won’t write an article about it. That would be way too personal. Not only for me, but for you too.”

“I don’t really care. I trust you.”

You swallowed tightly. “Then let’s do this. Please.”

The two of you kept staring at each other for a few seconds before you grabbed your tablet and went through the points of discussion. There was still a lot to talk about. Mostly his music, of course, which was the subject you had barely touched on.

I trust that you won’t leave out any details pertinent to the writing of this article.

Sorry, Mrs. Lennox.

Sirius sat down next to you again, a little closer this time, and you started over.

********

[prettymindset111]

I remember seeing your posts about affirming and persisting. what made you change ? Loo

actually studying the law from neville himself or people who simplified what neville has said … I found law of assumption through a subliminal maker called solar subs guide & then found sammy ingram … affirming and persisting was never the law and is so misinterpreted & ofc I did manifest tons of materialistic things when I was an a+p kid but now I know why I manifested which was simply because I was in the state of the person who believed if I mindlessly repeated sentences and thought as if I had my desire I would get it ( BRO I JUST WROTE THE ENTIRE THING AND IT GOT CUT TO THE PART BEFORE THE BRACKETS ) ok so i did know about the inner world and 4d ( through electrasoul live in 4d video ) but not in detail because I just thought ok when I affirm xyz now I have it in the 4d now to keep this version of me in the 4d I just have to keep my thoughts in check or have a mental diet it was kind of right w the law but out of context or the small briens version when you include the inner world when affirming . & repetition is the dumbest thing ever tbh because the only time it started was because of the 10K aff challenge and saturating ur mind thing because people wanted some type of science to believe in the law w tha neural pathway shit which is basically like girl law of assumption will literally never be proven by science so the point ? nyways ofc repetition is just a assumption ….& again all back to square one which is being in the state of believing repetition works but people still haven’t manifested with it because they are in a state of lack !! anyways fast forward to when I found @remcycl333 account and was the on switch for me like legit the day I read her posts so much of my stuff started flooding in I was like ? but still I didn’t know the law that well fast forward a little more bloggers , twitter bloggers , posts on imagination and feeling and then I found my savior edward art and boy let me tell you it was like I found my self through his texts and lectures like self discovery …. I still have so much to study and apply but once I feel worthy to post again and simplify the law + yk answer people who have doubts within the law and need help with manifesting but for now to anyone who asks I just will recommend edward art or nevilles books to learn the law instead of applying half - baked information from 32 year olds who learn from 16 year olds on twitter 😭 but fr tho I will be back with amazing content for now I can only tell you to learn the law from trustworthy resources ! I remember affirming so much to the point of exhaustion just because someone misinterpreted something neville had said , honestly as a kid I was vulnerable to it and I was open minded as well to new idea’s since the world never made much sense to me ? and I was always curious then after i found the law ( which I consider when I found states lol ) everything just started making sense like EVERYTHING . I AM the cause of everything . again I will be back with tons of posts but for now i’m just focusing on learning about imagination, states & feelings in detail mostly through edward art and a little bit of nevilles books !! all love 🫶

[tarotwithdanise]

Get to know more, Danise's.

Spend some of your free your time by reading the details & facts about me!

꒰ about me.

Danise. 9teen. asian baby. pronouns are she/they. life path number is 8. literal lovebot. tarot enthusiast. mbti personality is infj - a.

My name is Danise a mixed name from my given name "Danielle Serene". Yeah, that's my biological name, i just felt that's a very ugly name, it's very odd from other people or girls that is around my age. I mean who would like to name your child like this? Unless you were my Mom. It seems like it came from a book character lol.

Has a habit of rbf that's why people first impression and perceive me someone who is cold, snobbish, cruel, mean and quiet. but the quiet one is the only legit, lmao. However, if you will really get to know me more and we've become more close. I am someone who is funny and likes to joke around, this part that only introverted people knows and can relate about what i am writing here.

꒰ byi

I don't frequently post anymore since i am that person who have a very busy lifestyle now not unlike before. However, i'm glad you've found my account. You have free access 24/7 in my account, so you can read them silently without even interacting to me.

꒰ dni

If you are someone who likes to spread hate and negativity on other people please kindly don't interact with me. It's not only affecting me but the people who truly love my works as well my mutual bf's. I believe, we all have different views and perspectives, hate me as long as you want. Who am i to dictate your feelings and tl stop hating me right? It's your feelings feel free to feel what you wanted to feel about me. But if you hate or dislike me just kindly don't engage with me anymore so you won't see my posts, that's just very simple to do right? We experiencing lots of pains so please be kind with your words when it comes to others, we are fragile humans. Call me oa or whatever but one hurtful word has a strong effect into someone else daily life, believe me.

꒰ likes to do.

Reading Books - Watching Yt ASMR videos / Kpop Related Shorts - Painting - Watching Animes - Eating - Calligraphy Lettering - Journaling - Listening To Songs And Podcasts - Reading Tarot And Oracle - Studying something - and My new like to do is reading article news.(idk, maybe adulthood things.)

꒰ dislikes.

Fake people ( duh! i really hate the idea of the being plastic and bad to others.) Being rude to other person without any valid reasons. Spreading negativity that can affect others or harm others in general. Ruining someone reputation because of jealousy.

꒰ favorites

Colors : green, brown, neutral and pastels ones. More into green.

Anything sweet. I am a sweet tooth person. I don't like spicy foods either.

Drinks : coffee & water.

Singers/ musician / artist : anything about kpop, jpop, taylor swift, lana del rey, melanie martinez and little mix. 🫶

◠⋆i. kpop groups i stan

%!old and new : twice, bts, red velvet, mamamoo, blackpink, txt, stray kids, seventeen, itzy, enhyphen, le sserafim, nmixx, aespa, stayc, g-idle.

◠⋆ii. my favorite era of little mix vs favorite album.

%! this is hard but, my favorite era was power era and so the best album belongs to LM5. I love all of their album btw.

[ 5. ] In love the ideas of greek mythology, moon, stars, night, darkness, rain, medical, god, angels, clouds, heaven, worshipping, being kind to others, writing, intuitive, tarot, cooking, baking, astrology, playing guitar, going to church, playing chess, surfboarding, taking swimming lessons, skating, driving late night, counting how many hours will i going to sleep before going to sleep, riding a horse, helping others, future, praying before going to sleep and after waking up, being in love but don't want to be in a relationship, singing, psychology, being alone, dyeing hair, big shirts,success, staying late at night, ballet dancer, learning basketball, playing golf and bowling, maturing, growing up, peaceful & quite places.

꒰ hidden talents.

my hidden talents should be kept hidden.

꒰ skin care routine

new skin cares unlocked version.

peace of mind - 8 hours of sleep - washing your face ; morning and night - using the ordinary glycolic acid 4x a week.

꒰ others.

danise's current motto

"sometimes our great efforts will bring us more rewards."

꒰ best song motivation for me.

looking for you by kirk franklin.

STAY HEALTHY AND SAFE. ALSO DON'T FORGET TO BE KIND TO OTHERS, GIVE AND YOU WILL RECEIVE!!

꒰ do you experiences something bad about your mental health?

I don't intend to harm or hurt your feelings with any of my pac works. Perhaps, I understand that not everyone experiencing the same warning signs of depression and other mental health related. If you think you have one i suggest you to rely on a mental health professional — so assess your own risk. You may view the findahelpline.com website for suicide prevention and crisis support helpline, It's free and available worldwide! If you are shy, my ask box or dm is open. I'm not really good about uplifting someone else mood but I'll try my best to understand your situation so please don't be afraid to talk about your problems, I'm all ears for you if no else did.

— 🦢 ꒰ danise update's [ 03/20/2023. ]

ʚ oopsie you already reached the end. ɞ

[zhuhongs]

Hello everyone. omnibus update. oh my god am i tired but i legit dont even have a bed bc my cousin is.. not v helpful at all. soooo where do i start. lol.

Okay i got outta quarantine at 11 and took a taxi to my dorm. BUTTT my dorm building is located on a street that has a very busy street market. so i was dropped off a little bit further down and the driver told me it was down there and i thought i knew where it was do i confidently walked down a busy busy street with two monster luggages and got lost and almost hit with a scooter until a VERY NICE uncle helped me find the place. Then i checked in. which was ... interesting bc i came at the same time as a dude from shanghai. and the dorm leader was very... laid back and took her sweet time to check ne in. thus was fine but i was like... nervous lol. anyways, afterwards i talked to her and told her yk. why im here, that i speak chinese a bit. she was v nice and friendly. she told me all my roommates are out but theyre all japanese. which is funny bc like... i practice chinese SO MUCH to be like.. here are ur roommates. speak in jpn which. i can do. but LOL. so i go in, i fought with the door. so fucking much. omg that door beat my ASS. LIKE NO OTHER. no one was there. i barely got my things set up and wrote a note and left on the door bc i had orientation right after. and i thought like. oh okay just go pay my fees. get my schedule and leave. NOPE. i go in, I'm immediately doing a verbal interview to gauge my language abilities even tho i already took a placement test. and theyre like. cool, the class for ur level is going on. Right Now so uh. go to class. girl i was do hungry. so i go, sit in class for 3 hrs (not bad im just tired). My teacher is soooooo nice and very animated. i really like her. class is... a little higher than my level tbh. there was a lot i didnt know and it moves v fast... i feel so winded. But ik I'll be able to do it just fine. Oh yea i took the bus by myself and hhhh oh my god. the bus alone was so much. i sit down. wait for my bus. i thought i had the wrong one bc i saw a bus with my number on the opposite side and swore i was gonna miss the bus but i didnt. also i tried to give this old lady my seat and she scolded me by saying that she stands so much to keep herself healthy and then told me that i need to close my legs and sit up straight bc I'll look prettier. lmaooooo. and she told me not to be on my phone like the girl beside me. then the girl beside me asked me if i was a student and we had a conversation. she was very nice. helped me a lot she was japanese so it helped that i speak japanese a bit. there are. so many japanese students here. the guy i sit next to in class is japanese. i asked him his name but from his accent i knew he was japanese so i said "もしかして日本人ですか?" and he was like "はい! あなたも?!??" and i was like... nooo ofc not. and i explained i just studied it as a teenager bc i was a weeb. we talked abt anime. he likes bp which yk... unfortunate now but i doubt this random guy knows that whole deal. but yea, had many good pleasant conversations. tho nothing like deep connection but i didn't really expect that anyways. But yea, after i got out i was supposed to meet my cousins old roommate to get her mattress and fucking.. oh my god. nothing went right so my cousin was like... uh can u stay on campus till i get outta work and im like. uhhh thatd be 3 hrs and i rlly just wanna go back and lie down. and she didnt respond so i came back, met my roommates. which was... nice but kinda strange. there was a point they were kinda just all surrounding me and i was in a corner (like actually physically) trying to speak in half chinese half japanese. which was hard bc im just very disoriented. its been a long day and its only 7pm. but my cousin just got back to me abt the mattress. I'm meeting someone else at the dorms hopefully soon to get a mattress and then i can Finally SLEEP.... today gas been so much but in a very good way!!

[memory-hoarder]

22-04-0608463

I know Its been awhile since my last update. I would like to share what happened the couple of months ago when I was away. I took NAPOLCOM last April 2022 and I took it seriously. I studied day (after shift) and night so I can passed and hopefully be patrolwoman in the future. You wouldn't believe my journey just to take the exam. I literally went to a foreign city twice with a different language (Ilongo) for appointment. Travelling alone is not that easy. You have to be vigilant with your belongings and make sure you ask the right person on the streets for some addresses you're not familiar with. You have to plan ahead your expenses - I booked the cheapest pension house and eat affordable foods. It's not easy especially if you're on a tight budget.

I wanna share these experiences, so when I look back on my journey of becoming a patrol woman I can read it and will always be grateful I made a good decision. My sister pushed me to take the NAPOLCOM exam so I can have an option and choose the practical way. I have been working for a BPO company for a couple of years. It was exhausting and I felt I would never grow up plus the salary is not enough for my family but I'm not complaining, it's just nowadays survival cost money. At first I did not consider my sister's opinion and decided to stay a couple of years here at our company but she consistently called me and told me to give it a shot. Even on the day of my online application, she's under pressure to secure my slot, and viola! she succeeded. :)

Now, let's move on to my preparations - I had two months to read my review material. The first week of the month, obviously I struggled to focus and felt like it was too early to make an effort. Then, again my sister showed up and kept on mentioning me in a different group chat where I can read and engage on Q and A. She has the power to cut off my irresponsible self and focus on the good and now I realized If I choose not to listen and follow her I may regret it as of the moment and I am not here writing this stuff. I am grateful for her because she never let go of my hand and believed in me.

I decided not to waste any time and start reviewing. I made a plan so I can track my progress. Reading day and night is helpful, I know we have different ways of studying but It worked for me. Familiarization, answering questions, posting on the wall and watching videos on YouTube are the basic stuff I did to prepare for this exam. I also recommend buying a review material on a legit store, it costs 500 PHP less shipping fee so save money for your future. It will be worth it anyway.

It is also important not to pressure yourself on the process, you can balance it if you choose too. I make sure I can still go out with my friends between my preparations so that it will not drain my energy. Fresh air helped a lot too. Coffee I advised not into caffeine just a small amount and once a week is not bad either. Rest is a must. If you feel like you're sleepy and can no longer bear the information you're reading, sleep and surely you wake up and feel empty, ready for new information. Lastly, the power of 4-5AM. I chose those hours it worked on me.

1 week before the exam, I keep on feeling nervous. I packed my things, made sure I would bring important documents. One day before the exam, I traveled back to Bacolod and headed to Iloilo. I am a bit scared due to bad weather, I don't know how to swim tho. Lol! sometimes I make things on my mind and end up pessimistic. But, God is in control, I arrived safe and sound. It's good to be back at Iloilo. It's no longer foreign because, Mariel was there ready to help and other friends I met during my online appointment. We saw each other again.

I may not share every single detail of my first and second trip. But, It was a rollercoaster ride and it was one of the bravest things I did so far. I'm lucky I went all through it. Not everyone is capable of traveling and wandering.

The night before the exam, I met some of the people I knew during my appointment and we roamed around a bit in the city to find some snacks for tomorrow. I bought bottled water (to lessen the pressure) a piece of chocolate and biscuits.

Before the exam, we lane outside the campus for proper guidance on our individual room assignment. It's a long lane and the weather is not good as well. But we made it inside our assigned classrooms. We met everyone some are familiar faces and some are not. Everyone is silent and you can feel and see the tension and pressure of everyone's faces. Good thing our proctor is funny she makes us calm and everything seems bearable. We prayed together and focused on our goal.

During the exam, I remembered I breathed heavily before I flipped the first page, I don't know maybe it was my own way to release the pressure I felt. I have no strategy to answer the exam but make sure you budget your time allowance. Before passing the papers if you still have a minute make sure you review numbers by numbers just to assure everything is correctly shaded. You do not miss anything from filling out your personal details.

After the exam we gathered together to claim our personal belongings (bags, phone etc.) and it took an hour before I claimed mine due to a number of examinees. We left the university, tired and hungry. We decided to eat our lunch at SM Iloilo and it was a funny experience because we lost on the way. I laughed now, reminiscing about the details.

It is also the day we separate our ways and go home to our own province. I am confident that I will pass the exam. It took 6 months before the results came out.

By GOD's grace I passed the NAPOLCOM. I was too stunned to speak, I waited several minutes before it sank in and was slowly reacting. I'm too grateful and blessed. Every ounce of my effort during my preparation paid off.

I hope by next year I will see myself busy again for PNP application. I hope I can make it and pray that GOD will place me on the right path. It was a dream and goal to passed and GOD believed in me.

I will update you once I wear my dream uniform..

[krysandra]

I’m gonna start posting more content about Otis, and maybe more of my OCs, possibly even X reader type shit idk.

This is copy and pasted from a convo me and Owl has, where i was explaining the basics of Otis.

His personality and hobbies:

His personality had a bit of a revamp

he used to be timid, now he is a much more straight to the point type of man. He has the sense of humor of a child, but in general is a pretty good dude. he’s nice, respectful, and likes to keep things clean when stuff gets messy. the type of person who patches things up. He practices dark magic, and magic in general. he has the ability to summon a shadow demon/puppet that does whatever otis commands it to do. He named said shadow puppet Asmodeus. (Why? well uh, i guess you can say this is somewhat suggestive.. he named him that cause Otis was practicing lustful magic, i know i know, it sounds weird, but Otis is simply learning all of his magic book and lustful magic just so happens to be a section in the book… and accidentally created the one and only shadow demon Asmodeus. not the real Asmodeus of course— if Otis summoned the real Asmodeus we’d all be fucked. literally.)

In his free time, whenever he isn’t studying magic or creating potions, OR playing video games (that’s right, he’s a video game lover), he likes to spend time in my personas castle with my persona, he’s my fav oc after all, so he gets special treatment lol.

Dating head canons:

-he has NEVER been in a relationship before so bare with him.

-very romantic partner, always gives his S/O gifts made of magic.

-He often flirts a lot.

-he is an extremely sweet lover, and will compliment you ever chance he gets.

-makes sure you always feel loved and appreciated.

-he likes to make jokes with you, he’s a very funny person.

-you can call him both your boyfriend AND your best friend.

-he will help you study dark magic if you’d like.

-teach this man how to play video games, he sucks at it, and he’s still learning since he was born in the 1700’s and is learning modern technology

-also, pet names is a def

-oh and expect this man to stay up late studying, you’ll have to drag him into bed with you

Extra info:

A bit more about his magic: he can legit KILL people in an EXTREMELY painful way with his magic. Like I mean PAINFUL. no one actually knows what he does, cause whoever witnesses it never survives. All anyone knows is that when he gets fucking pissed, his magic turns WHITE when it’s usually purple, and when his magic turns white

bitch it’s OVER for you!

though, it would take a LOT to get him THAT angry since he’s chiller then a mountain.

Otis is pansexual, and over 300 years old, born in the 1700s.

since Otis was once a gold watcher and no longer is, i decided to change his story, he lived this long because he managed to resurrect himself with magic, that’s the first thing he learned how to do. which was heal, and resurrection.

ALSO!! Otis wants 4 kids, no more, no less. Plus, since he never had a mom, he wants his kids to have a very good one. If he gets a boyfriend/husband, then fuck, it’s adopting time.

That’s all i got for now, more info on the way.

[junemxxn]

June 10, 2024

You know what fucken miss? Flirting and teasing. That shit was so fun.

I really thought starting this journal entry with that statement would lead me to more words, but I am struggling. LOL

I had a really good day on Sunday too and having this much joy in my body make me feel like I am ready to be back in the dating scene.

This is ridiculous. Hot girl summer? Is that even still a thing?

The annoying part about this is that my self esteem right now, will not let me be great. I am unsatisfied with how my body looks physically. I am confident enough to know that I am hot shit, but humble enough to know, I can do better for myself.

*as I download Tinder on my phone*

Maybe it will remind me again why I keep deleting the app.

Moving on to this journal entry...

I had a great day at Thermea on Sunday. It was a beautiful day, the sun was so blue. I was able to be solo for a couple hours. I am grateful for the life I currently live. I am alive. I feel like myself again.

Last week, I came across this term - upper limit. Apparently, we have a threshold for feeling good (?) and just like building a muscle, you need to train it. More like endurance really. Like every time you feel good, you need to extend the feeling in small doses, so it can expand. How fascinating is that? I mean I have not done any research about it at all or whatsoever, but it sounds legit? I have always wondered why after feeling so alive, I would experience a feeling of low - where I start to doubt all the happiness and bliss I have just experienced. The upper limit kind of makes sense in theory, but does it also make sense in practice? Something I should bring up with my therapist.

Note to self to ask Shannon: is it a thing that when the parts of me (in IFS) are healed they kind of just disappear ?

I think to reach maximum enjoyment in flirting, I should really start working out again. It will fuel my self esteem and would in turn yield better results in the world of romance.

Thinking about flirting already makes me feel giddy on the inside, but for some reason I cannot stand watching romance things. I think maybe because my flirting is more playful as opposed to cute-sy.

It also maybe something to do with ego. Something about seeing a reaction from someone - from something I did - in a playful funny way sounds so sexy. I am not describing this feeling properly, but like the whole mental foreplay of it all is my favourite part. A simulation of sorts, the build up, the slow burn, and then intensity of it all.

I like to be shut up by pleasure. I like gasping for air in the middle of a casual conversation. I like teasing stares. I like to be held and asked if this is what I wanted. I like unraveling the mystery of someone's back story. I like loud sexy silence. I like studying someone's body. I like seeing them so pleased. I like hearing moans of pleasure and desire and release. I love a safe space. I like the tingling sensations, soft little electric currents, giggles that turn to soft cries of pleasure. The lining between pain and pleasure. A full mental and physical experience. The coming down and becoming slightly sleepy. The dance of it all. The satisfaction of knowing you've made someone feel good and them denying it, only for them to ask to see you again. OH what fun.

[superfluouskeys]

May Madness

May-hem? Whatever. Anyway.

I have been freed from the clutches of law school for the summer and I have many personal goals and projects I would like to work on, so I thought I would shout about them here!

Writing Goals:

scorched earth (7/11-12ish) -- Prisoner-verse (OC-focused) -- still surprisingly on-track with the original outline I made! I was hoping to get this done over winter break, but I ended up working literally the whole time and then being super burned out. I've kept the structure of this story deliberately simple, so I think I might be able to finish it within the month!

ghost of you (2/4) -- Wheel of Time (Moiraine/Lan) -- part 3 is legit almost done but I need to get back into the Mood and the Vibes you know LOL. and I think it absolutely needs a part 4 to be paced the way I want it. next chapter very soon; 4th chapter idk but shouldn't take too much longer!

original thing (registered trademark, available by scrounging around on my blog for an untagged mess of nothingness) -- since I completely failed at making any progress on this last month due to school nonsense, hoping to make another big push next month! (not that I WON'T work on it before then, just that the above have priority!) completely insane goal would be to push for an extremely messy completed first draft by the end of the summer. but that would be insane. right. right,.., , ,,

still thinking about ways to share this as I work on it for those who are interested, as I am too insane to keep quiet about it forever! I have some other ideas, and there's always the chance I'll spontaneously become insane about something else, but the above are my priorities for now!

If this is all you care about feel free to stop reading here LOL the other goals are more personal ones!

Fitness Goals:

I've been unhappy with my level of fitness for a long time now (made especially bad by my situation during the pandemic) and while I've been able to make some major improvements even with the stresses of grad school, I think I can do a lot better with a little extra time on my hands!

In a few days, I'm planning to start the Insanity workout program (I have my workout class for the next two days lol), which is a two-month HIIT-based program with fit tests every two-ish weeks, so I'll probably post my results here since this is basically the only social media I use and it's nice to keep track LOL. I've also started doing a 20-30 minute brisk walk on an incline in the evening, and while I'm currently just aiming for my daily 10k steps, I'm hoping to push that up to a 15k minimum soon. As I acclimate to the Insanity workouts, I'll also try working in some other activities in the afternoon in the hopes of fostering an overall more active lifestyle. I'm also making changes to my diet, but I'm being very chill about this so I don't become miserable and insane LOL. My main goals are weight loss and building core strength.

Korean Learning Goals:

For the last few months I've been in the frustrating position of an advanced beginner, meaning there are a lot of learning materials that are either way too easy or too hard for me. So, since I have some time, I'd like to put in the hours and push for a major improvement--I want to try to get myself to a low intermediate level of proficiency. I think this will open up a LOT of learning materials for me, and hopefully allow me to hold simple conversations without feeling like I'm dying. There's a lot I need to tackle, but for now I think my main goals are building vocabulary, improving reading speed, and massively increasing my output. I'm aiming pretty high--I'm hoping for about 25 hours/week of active studying/practicing, along with other passive/fun input. I'll be working my way through the first 6 textbooks/workbooks from Talk to Me in Korean (I theoretically know most of the material through level 3 but can't use it on command), and just generally trying to write and speak a lot. I've also been using HelloTalk sporadically to make little journal entry-type posts, so I'll be doing that more frequently, and also trying to track my progress and how I'm feeling at the end of each week.

I tend to aim high when I set goals for myself because I find doing this means I'll definitely accomplish at least some of what I set out to do, and I personally don't really mind not reaching goals as long as I feel I've made noticeable progress. I also think it probably says something that while I was thinking about these goals I legitimately had the thought, "oh, and priority number four, relax and have fun and stuff" lol like okay girl. But I have high hopes, and I think having these goals will actually help me enjoy and get the most out of this downtime! Anyway, if you made it this far, thanks for listening to my rambles! 💪🥰

[kosi-annec]

[BNHA] Season 4 episode 2

HERE WE GO, OVERHAUL COMING IN

... OH SHIT RIGHT this is the ep Magne dies, really got rid of possibly the most queer char in the series (u can't tell me that Magne wasn't at least trans/gender fluid)

Damn, they really bashing on the guy, probs why overhaul legit killed one of them and took a limb

Ooohh here we go, the villain group rivalry

Oof, Twice can be a bit too trusting when it comes to those who he thinks follows their cause

OH GOD I FORGOT HOW HORRIFIC THEIR DEATH WAS

OH THE QUIRK SUPPRESSANT DRUGS

hhhh twice hugging compress hhhhh the guilt this man must be feeling, he got one of his friends killed and another his arm

Damn boi makin that dramatic handing out card lmao

Ohhhh boy, overhaul inadvertently made shigaraki more focus on how to attain his goal, i swear most of his character development is mostly "what's your goal? How are u going to attain that goal?" Just that each time his rage and persistence gets stronger and more focused

LMAO bakugo being happy bout class 1a not being able to do hero work studies XDD

Love seeing the other pro hero-teachers in the background giving their own comments on all might's 3 reasonings lol

If i was one of the faculty members, I'd voted on letting class 1a do the hero work studies, becuz they def need that experience ESPECIALLY after all the shit they've gone thru

AAAAA BIG 3 WASSUP, omg he makes fucking puns on the regular HSKSBKS i love him, TO THE FAVORITES YOU GO

"you met young togata right?" Yeah, he beat ya boi's ass

... hhhh that lovely dream to achieve, deku, but that's the issue, it is literally impossible to save every single person and win every single time. That kind of goal is a great motivator to have so one can keep going to improve, but ya gotta also understand it in a realistic pov

Ah yes, the lovely "what if" scenarios of "if deku didn't get one for all"

LMAO love how deku has now just become the flash, yeah we have iida, but he doesn't have electricity

How long does it take for these two dumbasses to brush their teeth lol??

God that animation of them climbing the spiral stairs looks janky af

Ey bubble girl! I remember she was actually like a fan made character or something that was made canon as a sort of reward in some competition idk

LMAO HE I ALMOST FORGOT 😂 dude has a fucking tickling torture device, if this scene was shown to someone who didn't know shit bout BNHA and was given 0 context, this would easily look like some rando walked in on some bdsm shit SHKSHSK

LMAO HSKSHSKS FUCKING ALL MIGHT FACED DEKU 😭