#legit spent all day on this y'all

[lovingonryles]

winter wonderland

wanted to pump out a little gift for y'all before christmas 🫡 also i DESPERATELY needed to write for my girl gwen ugh love her 🫶🏻 (i’m legally married to her in case you’re wondering)

pairing: gwen stacy x fem!reader

summary: headcanons for being gwen's girlfriend during winter <3

warnings: established relationship, cursing, implied girly/femme reader, reader is shorter than gwen, tooth-rotting fluff

word count: 687, should take about five and a half minutes to read

listen to: winter wonderland by beabadoobe

i don’t imagine gwen being a cold weather girl

she would much rather prefer walking in the park with you over trudging through piles upon piles of snow

she definitely has soft hands (calloused from her drumsticks, but soft), so she hates winter because her hands get all dry and cracked

her cuticles also get really bad, girl’s hands look like this:

but no need to worry, because her pretty girlfriend’s to the rescue!!

every day you SLATHER this girl’s hands in lotion and pluck her cuticles

you also paint her nails in her current favorite color and she does yours <3

even with hating winter, she has so many poofy jackets

they surprisingly look so good on her

whenever you see her in one, you always HAVE to go and give her a big bear hug because what else are you supposed to do?? she looks like a fucking marshmallow!!

when you say you’re cold, she always insists on giving you her jacket. of course you protest every time, but it never works

she of course wants her girl to be warm, but she always wants to see how dumb you look in the jacket (girl’s 5’8 and has muscles [you can’t convince me otherwise], of course you’re gonna look like an idiot in it)

she’ll take a picture and post it on her story and you’ll be like “ gwen noooo :((” and she’s all “oh, I’m sorry. can’t help that you’re smaller than me” 😭🫶🏻

sometimes you convince her to go out in the snow with you

it takes a while, but once she’s out there, she won’t go back inside

she is absolutely a BEAST at snowball fights

you’ll be hiding behind a tree holding your snowball, and she’ll come out of nowhere and hit you right in the face

you have to yell at her to stop at some point because it’s just snowball after snowball and you’re starting to get cold

you guys also make snowmen, i don’t make the rules

hers always look kind of demented tho

shit’s looking like this:

“gwen, what the fuck is that 😭”

“that’s harold. what do you have against him?”

“he looks like he got thrown in a blender…”

“your face looks like it got thrown in a blender.”

“you’re so rude!! ☹️ you know what, at least mine looks better.”

christmas is the absolute best with her

you guys would have a tradition of giving each other the most ass gifts ever, like cat socks or shrek earrings

one year she legit gives you coal

the next you get her an empty pringles can, you get the process

sometimes she actually turns up and gets you something good that reminded her of you

one year she literally gave you this amazing dress

satin in your favorite color that came down to your knees with lace on the edges

“where’d you get the money for this?!”

“i have my ways.”

“i swear to god, if you spent all your money on this…” (she did)

needless to say, it’s your new favorite dress

she also loves baking with you, even though she‘s ass at it

you’re trying to make snowflake cookies and they end up looking like a fucking whale

also the dough’s super inconsistent because she poured almost the whole bag of flour in 😭

poor girl cannot follow instructions for the life of her (I don’t believe in consistency LMAOLMAO)

the cookies are so bad you almost gag trying to eat them but at least you spent quality time with your girlfriend!!

if there’s one thing she does know how to make tho, it’s hot chocolate

she has a killer recipe, but she refuses to give it to you

says it’s a family recipe that can absolutely NOT be shared

after a day of her kicking your ass with the snowballs, her hot chocolate’s the best thing to perk you up

your cold hands will graze each other’s as she hands you your mug <3

you’ll cuddle while the snow falls outside, her arm gently around your waist, tons of blankets over you two

[taralen]

[[UN]]HAPPY NEW YEAR

FIRST ART OF 2024!!!

NEW YEARS CELEBRATION?

HA. HA. HA. UNHINGED [[FUNNI]] STORY TIME BELOW!

I spent nearly 12 @#$%ing HOURS in DARKNESS. Yes, that's right, FELLAS. The power on the entire block DIED just before midnight! That means I didn't get a chance to celebrate it with my friends, family, or anyone really because I had to conserve all power left on my phone just in case of an emergency.

I LAUGHED SO HARD the moment it went out. Just unmitigated, [[MANIA]]CAL LAUGHTER.

My mother asked, "Are you okay?!"

I said, "YES. I'm fine. HEAEHAEHA! This is just SO FUNNY. A blackOUT on NEW YEARS! HAHAEHAEAHA!!! What a way to start THE YEAR!"

I drank one of my meal supplements to keep going, spent some time writing on my Alphasmart NEO, and then at dawn, after I failed to go back to sleep, I took one of those mini camping "stoves," fought with some matches, and warmed up a kettle full of water to eat some [[JAPAN imported]] noodles and drink chamomile tea to ease my mania-driven nerves.

BOY HOWDY was the [[EYE]] STATIC BAD. It always gets worse in darkness. Too many things firing off in my brain, I guess! Genuinely looked like a TV. COOL.

WELL, WELL HAPPY NEW YEARS to everyone else who wasn't in DARKNESS.

Despite all this CRAP I have a very, very good feeling for this year. I've never been so motivated! 😃

I can't share any details about my enthusiasm... Y'all have to see as the days pass. HEHE. 😁😁😁

📎 BY THE WAY? If you're new here—I ain't "LARPing" as Spamton. I'm a legit crazy/[[@#$%ed in the head]] person who relates [[too much]] to him. He's my lovable method of venting my own [[4.99 life.]] Hope you don't mind!!!

[miracleonice87]

“You know his lap is also available as a seat, right?” with Mathew Barzal (feat. Matthew and Sydney Esiason Martin) - requested by my dearest @kerwritesthings

from the two year tumblrversary prompt list

a/n: I am fully aware that I've written a blurb with a v similar premise, but I'm a sucker for Syd and Marty meddling in their friends' love lives, so I give zero effs. hope y'all enjoy!

warnings: swearing, alcohol

_____

Sydney had lured you to the house tonight under the guise of picking her up for a dinner date, potentially one of your last before she gave birth to their second baby. When you pulled up the drive and spotted a blue and orange balloon arch outlining the front door, you were puzzled, but assumed Matt might be having some sort of pre-season team activity for the guys while you and Sydney were gone for the night.

You pushed open the door to the familiar sounds of Jax barking a few times before he realized who was here, and Winnie squealing as she ran toward you. 

“Hi, Winnie girl!” you squealed back in greeting, bending down to scoop up the little blonde beauty, push her hair back from her forehead, and give her a kiss, while she did her best to wrap her little arms around your neck as she excitedly babbled your name. 

“Oh, good, you’re here!” Sydney said from the kitchen, crossing the room in bare feet and a casual jeans outfit to give you a quick hug before nodding toward the spread of food on the countertops. “Will you give me a hand with the charcuterie board?”

“We’re not going out?” you asked, confused and feeling overdressed in your pale blue ruched bodycon dress meant for a night on the town. Meanwhile, Winnie wriggled down the front of you and ran back to her previous project, scribbling in a Bluey coloring book on the coffee table.

“Nope, sorry, can’t tonight, forgot to tell ya!” Sydney chirped rapidly, throwing her stunning smile back at you over her shoulder as she walked toward the fridge. “Team event tonight. Was hoping you could help me hostess?” 

You furrowed your brow as you followed her. “If it’s a team event then why am I invited?” you asked, unenthused.

Sydney shrugged as she retrieved more cheese from the fridge, but you didn’t miss the ornery look on her face. “I dunno, maybe because a certain center specifically asked me if you’d be here?” She finally made eye contact with you, bit her bottom lip, and extended her hands in a “surprise!” motion. 

You let your forehead fall against the pantry door. “Sydneyyy!” you whined. 

You could legit throw a fit right now. Syd was famous for this shit. 

There was nothing going on between you and Mat (or so you spent your days trying to convince yourself). It was all nervous glances across the table while out celebrating a big win with the group, and laughing a bit too loudly at the other’s jokes, and light touches on your back as he moved around you in a busy bar, and replying to one another’s Instagram stories with reactions and simple emojis… and mostly it was neither of you ever, ever finding the nerve to make a damn move. 

Yes, to be certain, your and Mat’s history was a short one – shorter than you (or Syd, or Matt, or even Mat himself, though unbeknownst to you) would prefer. So, maybe, because you always looked forward to seeing Mat, no matter how awkward the two of you could be around each other, you didn’t completely hate this idea after all, but you couldn’t let Syd know that. 

“Did you tell him I was going to be here tonight, or did he ask?” you inquired, folding your arms over your chest. “Big difference.”

Sydney shook her head furiously. “No, he seriously asked,” she insisted. “Trust me, I’d lie to you about a lot of things – for your own good, of course – but never that.”

You sighed, washed your hands, then turned back to an expectant Sydney. “Hand me the fucking olives,” you grumbled as she excitedly passed you the jar, a smile too smug for your liking on her lips. 

_____

Hours later as the sun set, casting an orange glow over the backyard, you surveyed the scene, which now seemed much less like an official team event and much more like a gathering of Matt and Sydney’s friends, all of whom happened to play hockey, and their significant others. You fell into neither of those categories (though it certainly wasn’t for Sydney’s lack of trying), but filled the role of “assistant hostess” well – directing new players to the bathroom, tidying the kitchen even as people filtered in and out, and refreshing drinks and bowls of snacks. It was on one of those trips to the kitchen and back to replenish the tortilla chip bowl and grab another drink when a five-beers-deep Matthew Martin decided to pipe up as he watched you scan the crowded patio for an empty chair.

“You know Mat’s lap is also available as a seat, right?”

You sucked your teeth and turned to glower at your best-friend-in-law. He was officially worse than his wife. 

After shooting him a glare that would kill a weaker man, you slowly turned back to spot an equally embarrassed Mathew Barzal, a flush creeping up his (thick, muscular… not that you noticed) neck under his (well-fitting, more attractive than it should be… not that you noticed) black t-shirt. 

However, Mat recovered much more quickly than you, and you assumed it had to be the liquid courage when he raised his brows, patted his knee, and gave you a half-shrug – an open invitation in front of all of his teammates and friends. 

Impressed by the bold move, his captain let out a wolf-whistle, though many of the guys were too lost in their own conversations or distracted by the loud music and yard games to notice, but you could certainly see Matt’s beaming smile out of the corner of your eye. 

And you didn’t know whether it was your own liquid courage, Mat’s invitation, or your own chutzpah, but you suddenly found your feet moving across the patio toward him, casting him your biggest and flirtiest smile, and patting his chiseled knee as you took your rightful place atop his massive quads. Your heart raced and your skin was warm, but you tried to play it cool, clearing your throat and asking, “So, what’d I miss, gentlemen?”

Anders, Matt, and Pelly, who was also nearby, tried their best to lift their jaws off the floor and regain their focus, shocked by your audacious actions. If they were honest, they could barely remember what they were talking about, and as you lifted your beer bottle to your lips with a smirk, you took pleasure in their bewilderment. 

Then, you heard a deep voice immediately behind you. “The Kadri signing,” Mat prompted. “You were talking about Naz going to Calgary.” 

Matt coughed slightly, nodding. “Uh, yeah, right, right… Yeah, I can’t believe it took him so long to…”

And after that, all that was said was lost on you, because all you could concentrate on was the gentle touch caressing your bare back for where your dress left plenty of skin on display. You angled yourself just slightly toward Mat to face him, and you wrinkled your nose flirtatiously.

“I’m glad you came over here,” he said, barely above a whisper. “Who would’ve known Marty’s meddling would actually do some good?”

You chuckled, resting a hand on his toned chest. “Yeah… he’s gonna take credit for this, but it’s about damn time one of us made a move, hmm?” you said, cocking your head. He nodded slowly, curling some hair behind your ear as he leaned up to kiss you. You were immediately so far gone, so lost in him, that you could just barely hear the catcalls from around the yard.

[adambja]

Time to finish the free self-concept tape and upload it AND

--------

Then adding 3 tapes to the main self-concept tape ;)

- I am "in control" tape

- I already have my desired life tape

- manifesting self-concept tape

And finally hmm! After this it's over I am not gonna do anything else for anyone

+ there are rude greedy people who want me to make the benefits audio for the void state so they can enter and like THEY DON'T HAVE MONEY TO BUY IT pls like this benefits audio will be high priced because I will work on it for at least 4-6 hours a day 💀💀💀!!! You don't understand how complex that sh will be so be respectful

And btw guys I don't need your fkin money you just need my tapes my knowledge and everything I know because I experienced all that sh you want to experience SO AT LEAST BE RESPECTFUL

yes I don't need your money and yes I charge you for my work that I spent hours making it physically? You don't like it?? Well let me know in my DMS so I can block you out of my life 😭 ew like how dare you!

Also there was a girl calling me a bitch?? 💀💀 Because I decided not to make the benefits audio and like ma'am calm down you don't even know me and I am not your mother who will feed you all day and night and never complains NO I WILL COMPLAIN I might have y'all free tapes but you will never get anything for free again from me unless I decide it NOT YOU not anyone but me

Because you need my tapes everyone literally knows it works and everyone knows everything I do is just so professional and perfect so if you are really thinking about buying a tape from me get it because buying a tape after 15th this month "November" WILL MAKE NOT GET A COACHING because I won't be available here! 💀

I love respectful people and the people who value me and thank everyone who was nice and kind to me 🫶🏻 and even trusting me, buying tapes from me

I will never let these good people down! NEVER!

Enjoy the free tapes n I will post more here on the subconscious mind like legit true and limitless information about the subconscious mind for example

Your subconscious mind understands all languages so it doesn't matter whatever you say it will happen as you put the meaning to it consciously 🫶🏻

[loquaciousquark]

Y'all, MALUS THORM. JIMINY CHRISTMAS.

It's been a long, long, long time since I got squeebed out by eye stuff, but him poking himself right through the ocular into his brain legit made me grimace. Gross, Larian. Fun gross, but gross. Not even Volo's eye thing was that bad.

In other news, I'm well into Act 2! I've fully explored the eastern half of the map and am working my way through the western side north-down, since Moonrise seems to be at the bottom left of the map. I've really, REALLY been enjoying this game--the combat, dialogue, characters, and plot progression are something I've been missing since probably DA2 days, and aside from a few early missed camp conversations, I feel confident I'm seeing as much of the game as I can, which is what I wanted. (Some people from Early Access had been posting saying that if you long-rested, you could seriously affect the outcome of the druid grove/goblin camp stuff, so I was avoiding resting as much as possible. How tragic!) This is exactly the kind of map structure I wanted from Inquisition and Andromeda; please don't lock parts of an "open world" map behind a level cap. Just make it linear and big and scale the enemies and make the higher-level stuff behind doors or later in the game. Don't give me a sandstorm I can't enter with no clear game context clues that this is a "COME BACK LATER" portion of the map, especially if you're determined to put quest markers within it.

The plot of this game still has me guessing! I'm so intrigued by this dream visitor who seems to want only the best for me but encourages use of the worms. I've only consumed one, but I've had it strengthened regardless by a few in-game choices (the illithid in the Underdark was a big one--the sound I made when he floated onscreen!). Lae'zel is currently undergoing a crisis of faith, and I strongly suspect Shadowheart's not far behind. Astarion is determined to make a deal with Raphael which I think is dumb, but Wyll, Karlach, and Gale all seem to be in great shape aside from their individual ticking time bombs inside them. I want to be able to add this His Majesty cat to the camp party and it's KILLING me I can't.

Romance: Astarion, no I don't know why, no I don't really think he's that similar to Fenris aside from the superficial background, yes I know the master and scar stuff and trust me that's not the source of the pull. I think I'm more interested in the thread (which I assume will come to fruition) of teaching the sneering peacock how to be sincere. The slavery stuff is incidental. Stop LOOKING AT ME.

I did somewhere trip a Karlach romance flag and finally had to let her down after her second piece of infernal iron, which SUCKED. God, I ain't felt so bad in a video game since...I don't know. Virmire, maybe?

I'll post screenshots shortly, but I'm playing a rogue (irony) named Tavish Gale (double-irony, sorry Gale), and I've REALLY been enjoying sneak attack and poisons and lockpicking. I hardly ever play rogues in games like these, but here we are! She has the criminal background, but also has red hair and freckles turned all the way up, so in terms of the Astarion romance structure in my head I'm playing with some contrasts between someone who has spent their whole life trying to hide in the shadows vs. someone who's spent two hundred years trying to crawl out of them.

[roo-bastmoon]

Let's talk about Yoongi and Taeyang

My thoughts and impressions of this episode are below the cut to avoid spoilers for folks.

Okay so first of all, let's all agree that our Lil Meow Meow was going THROUGH IT. He started fanboying before he could even get to the introduction and he was consistently twitterpated throughout the entire show. Adorbs.

I won't recap everything, but a few things stood out to me as significant insights into character.

Taeyang mentioned he used to eat only one meal a day. (As someone recovering from disordered eating, I have VIEWS about this but let me hush up and stay on topic.) Then he said when he served in the military, he had to eat three meals a day and do physical labor, so he gained 10kgs (22lbs). Which by the way is still a healthy weight. And he said he had to "work hard" to lose it again. I hate this. I hope all our boys come back from their time in the military used to regular meals, regular sleeping hours, a regular BMI and stick to it. They will have the power to reshape the standards of the industry if they refuse to make themselves fit into a smaller space. Just my opinion and I doubt I'll be changing it any time ever.

Taeyang said Jimin re-recorded their song 15 times. As far as I know based on the documentaries and Masterclasses I've watched from other famous musicians, singers, and songwriters, studio time is precious, even if you own the studio. Recording is expensive. A great deal of time is spent after recording on mixing the best takes to get to one master track. But our Jimin seems to have wanted to get it perfect all in one. He really does hold himself to a standard higher than most Grammy winners; I'm not kidding.

Yoongi then of course praises Jimin for his work ethic. The praise, THE PRAISE, Y'ALL. I LIVE. Jimin keeps working even when he cramps up in pain, our dear artist... Remember when he couldn't go to Jin's birthday party because he was recovering from muscle cramps? We called it; it was because of choreo.

Interesting how in the same breath, Yoongi compared Jungkook's organic genius to Jimin's effortful genius. I'm a huge Jikook fan but I don't want to make this out to be a shipping moment, because honestly it's just about styles of approach to work. And this isn't the first time we've heard this about Jikook as a unit. We hear it from members, producers, friends, choreographers, collaborators...

Yoongi also is sure to rat Jimin out about how much he mimicked and idolized Taeyang as a teen and it's like... you're saying this while admitting to doing the exact same thing and knowing all his songs, but still, it's super sweet. It reminds me of when Yoongi admitted to writing fanfic, lol. Even better is how Taeyang mentions several times he knows all of BTS' work. That's a discography of 200+, my friends.

But seeing Yoongi praise both Jimin and Taeyang so highly makes me wish that this episode came out before VIBE released. Maybe his trusted perspective would have softened the resistance many people felt toward supporting the project.

Especially because Taeyang really comes across as a good guy. He seems humble, considerate, grounded, a team-player, sensible, deep-thinking, and kind. He also seems to be focused on being a family man, making good music, and becoming a role model for the next generation. Now yes, both times I've seen him this way, he's appearing on TV to promote his single. But as far as we can know a celebrity while they are in front of a hot camera, I feel like his character is genuine enough, and I trust the tannies when they say they ALL admire and respect him deeply.

BTS has been around in the industry long enough to know when people are full of shit. And yeah, there are some seriously problematic assholes in Big Bang. There were legit scandals involving drugs and sex trafficking. I won't be rushing out to consume their products. But they did play a part in shaping BTS and Taeyang shouldn't be painted with the same brush just because he landed in the same group. He seems like someone who might have matured out of a lot of mistakes, like appropriating hairstyles or speaking on subjects outside his lived experience. I'm willing to give him a chance, here, in 2023, to get it right.

I also appreciate how honest and vulnerable Yoongi was and continues to be the moment he gets a few drinks in him. Talking about being so nervous without his members for That, That that he wanted to throw up. Mentioning the fear and disappointment when news of their hiatus caused all hell to break loose. Stating openly and without any qualifiers that he loves his members. To me, this is healing.

Yoongi was also adorable as fuck, let's face it. Giggly, blushing, toe-tapping, squirming, gushing, flirting Min Yoongi managed to ask Taeyang if he could produce a song for him (as if anyone in the world would say no thanks). And Taeyang is like "come over to my house and eat dinner with Jimin, I'll cook kimchi jiggae for you guys."

Oh and by the way, Taeyang and Joon apparently go to dinner and hang out and go to museums? AND WE WOULD NEVER KNOW. Do you know why? Because unless they choose to share aspects of their personal lives with us, WE DON'T ACTUALLY SEE THE MAJORITY OF THEIR PERSONAL LIVES. So just because you don't see evidence of members hanging out doesn't mean it doesn't happen. Everyone needs to chill about this with regards to Jikook. They went to ground around the same time that bullshit insurance premiums "scandal" broke and they've been to ground since. That's all.

Side note: Considering the shitstorm online earlier this week because Taehyung followed T-Top for a few hours on Instagram, I'm wondering if 2023 is the year most of the tannies stick to work-only promotions for their social media. You get burned enough, there's no payoff in sharing your vulnerable sides with strangers. It's such a shame, because we had a window to their inner landscapes, a glimpse at their real personalities and their real lives, but ruiners ruin everything. So a special Fuck You to people sending them hate for following or working with people you don't like. Know your place as a fan. Feel free to protest with your pocketbook but don't you dare talk shit and spread hate.

I digress. Back to Suchwita.

Taeyang advised Yoongi to surround himself with good people (members, staff, friends)... people who can tell him no. They had a great talk about staying realistic and humble, reminding themselves all things come to an end, being normal and grounded.

THIS is what makes BTS so easy to champion. They are uniquely talented, clearly the most hardworking, and even have streaks of artistic genius. But they forever remain set in a beginner's mind. They are the top dogs in their industry with an underdog mindset. I love this about them enough to set alarms to vote for awards and buy multiple copies of their work so they chart. I, Roo, who has never been to a popular music concert in all her 43 years; never been a groupie of anyone; never owned a piece of merch--I want them to succeed because I know they will never take it for granted.

And they keep it simple, even when it comes to how they work. Now, as someone who writes for a living and does bullet journaling every day as part of my therapy, I cannot tell you how delighted I was to learn that Yoongi writes with a pen and Taeyang with a typewriter. I am exactly the same. There's something intimate about it. I type more than 95 words a minute for work but it's not the same when crafting something personal. I also write original works better away from a designated work space--it's too much pressure to sit in a sterile environment and try to create. Real, meaningful words come from real, messy, organic moments in life. I just loved this level of detail in their conversation.

All in all, this was just such a great episode. I feel like I got to know both men better, was shown real insight into their mindsets, learned about their lives and work, and so I felt excited about VIBE.

Speaking of VIBE, we still need lots more sales to help Jimin get to Hot 100. Please contact accounts on twitter to get a gift card, make another itunes or amazon account, and buy it again, if you cannot persuade others to buy-in. Jimin worked so hard and wanted this so badly. I'm deeply troubled that ARMY couldn't cough up a buck-twenty-nine for him. It's like With You all over again. Unacceptable.

We are up against Miley Cyrus, Taylor Swift, and Sam Smith. We need the sales to get the points. We have a day and a half to get it right. PLEASE buy it.

We also only need 1.2 million more views on YouTube to get it to 50 million in its first week, so please stream today and tomorrow!

Consider it practice for next month, when PJM1 drops. Because by all accounts--from everyone who has ever worked with Jimin--he deserves it.

If you got this far, thanks for reading. Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments!

Yours,

Roo

[the-offical-sl-circus]

Funtimes as drug dealers part 2

Foxy: When did u do this

Ballora: Idk

Freddy: Did they really pay $114.99 for Cannabis???

Ballora: No of course not they paid $15 bucks then they turned to leave and i killed them and took the rest

Foxy: That... that's beautiful

C.B: What the hell did u do with it cuz we don't have it now we are broke

Ballora: Ballet lessons.

Freddy: I'm sorry, WHAT

Ballora: Ballet lessons. For the Minireenas.

C.B.: Ah ok seems legit

C.B. WAIT

Foxy: SO UR SAYING WE COULD BE RICH BY NOW IF U HADN'T SPENT 114.99 ON BALLET LESSONS

Ballora: Yea that's about right

Freddy: I REALLYYY HATE U RIGHT NOW

Ballora: Yea

C.B: Right well lets just... sell... some more drugs...

Freddy: LET'S GO MURDER I FEEL MURDERY

C.B: FREDDY IT'S 2:00 IN THE AFTERNOON WE CAN'T MURDER SOMEONE IN DAYLIGHT!!!!

Foxy: Shhhhhhhhh don't yell we will get caught

C.B: S*** sorry

Freddy: Crap.

Bon-bon: Uhhhhh why am i with y'all

Freddy: Cuz u are

Bon-bon: Great

*police sirens in the distance*

Circus Baby: Let's roll y'all pack it up we are MOVING for the third time this week!

Foxy: AH i love being popular

Ballora: Ur face is literally all over the internet

Foxy: Yes i know i'm amazing

Freddy: CHAOS I AM THE GOD OF DESTRUCTION

Circus Baby: *sliding into the sewer grate* Freddy shut the F*** up we are outta here, baby!

*Funtimes hop into grate*

Foxy: *As he pulls grate cover over them* I was never here...

A/N: They still sell drugs in the back alleys to this day...

SOMEONE MAKE THIS A COMIC PLEASE I'M BEGGING U

[nightglider124]

Titans: Season 4 - Ep11 - Thoughts

I have finally watched the episode. My God, my day at work was agonizing; I looked at tumblr and saw gifs and posts and was like screaming cos I wanted to watch it.

Anyway, since I've just freshly finished watching it, I am gonna note down some thoughts!

So... I feel weirdly mixed on this episode? As an episode it was good but as the penultimate episode? Idk... I feel kinda meh about it? I don't wanna come across as negative and the rest of this will mostly be stuff I enjoyed since I actually did enjoy the majority of it and as an episode in itself, it was good but idk... the fact the finale is all that's left, I feel like it's gonna be rushed... or the actual action is gonna be over super quick etc and loose ends won't get tied up... and I hate to say it, but I am kinda now doubting what is in store for dk fans in the finale? I would have thought this episode would have had more than it did, I gotta say. Idk... I just felt I had to say that to begin with.

Sigh, Kory continues to be and will forever be my absolute favourite. Idgaf what haters say and shit, I love Anna as Kory. I really do. She might not be like some of the versions people know Kory from but I think she brings close qualities and if anything makes this version of Kory edgier. Like, I absolutely adore her. Starfire is my absolute favourite DC character. Always has been, always will. I basically support any and all versions of my baby girl since DC doesn't spotlight her as much as they should cos she's fucking amazing.

Kory's dreaming and shit has me nervous for her. Like, we all know by now some bad shit goes down and happens to Kory. I am so dreading it. I know that she's gonna be fine from BTS stuff but like... it's still gonna hurt like a motherfucker.

Mercy was an interesting addition this season, I gotta say. I like the actress a lot since her days on Coronation Street (UK soap opera) and honestly, seeing her get choke slammed by Kory had me grinning but I like in the end she is purely like fuck it, take the documents, whatevs. Gar was also hilarious in that scene like no we don't need them all but I'm taking them ehehehehe. XD

Was... Was I missing something with May?? Like I thought she was dead when he burnt her ass up last episode? I was really confused cos she was just walking about like that didn't happen. Did she die and come back or was she never dead?? What... was that bodybag scene in the last ep real? I thought it was a dream. It was weird. I mean she dead af now and I enjoyed her as Mother Mayhem; she really had the villain oomf. Sebastian is... lacking in comparison.

In addition to that, Sebastian had potential to be scary but honestly, he comes off as a whiney mamas boy like he is grating. XD

Conner... my boy, I am always so left and right with you. I'm glad he is actually team Titans but... idk something in me still isn't trusting his ass XD. Like, I thought the bit with him and Dick in the tunnel was him tricking Dick or something but seems legit. We'll agree to like Conner and trust him... for now. XD

So, I didn't mind the Jason and Tim scenes but fuck me, wrong time. Like, I'm sorry. It felt so badly placed. We are at the penultimate episode and we're now just getting some Tim training as Robin with Jason? Nah, I was annoyed. And, they spent so many scenes on it?? Like miss me with that bs. It felt unnecessary, imo.

Another sour note, I feel like we actually could have had a lot more Kory scenes considering the episode was called Project Starfire. Like, damn. I promise, that's my only really salty thing.

Now, ahem... the dickkory scene on the balcony was cute af. It really nicely reflected the scene in S1 at the motel. But, it was too shorttt! Their sweet scenes are just... always too short for my liking which is disappointing. I'm happy for all and any scenes but jeez.

Gar and Rachel talking about wanting a change and shit, I was like are y'all gonna leave the famjam?? Cos I will not be emotionally okay if that happens. I literally just saw a certain new hero film where this was also a thing like pls CAN YOU NOT. My heart can't.

Lmao, Dick in the chamber thing when they were powering the orb thing was hilarious. Like, boy done fucked up the whole plan bc of his own anxiety for his wife. It was cute and his concern was very obvious.

Also, side note, the bit where Dick, Rachel and Gar appear where Kory is with Mercy made me giggle. Like Dick was so huffy like 'Making new friends?' and it was unusual like in this series its a real rarity that Dick is annoyed at something Kory has done like he has let her get away with literal murder whilst batting eyelashes at her. So, it was like tehe. Ya know? I'm assuming others know what I mean.

ALSO. When in the chamber thing as they got to 98% and before Dick fucked it up, did you guys notice Kory's eyes? That tiny bit where it went a bit slower and her eyes like flickered from glowing to normal? Was that something up with her powers or am I imagining shit?

I think that's mostly my thoughts. I still don't know how to feel on the episode. It didn't blow me away and I feel like with penultimate episode, I should be? I got excited in like the very last minute where he blows the horn and Kory's like 'There's only one way to end this. My way.' like bitch is dead serious and I'm scared for my girl.

I'm hoping the finale is really good buuut... I have also seen screeners really hyping it up and I'm just not trusting it. So, I think I'm gonna try and go into the finale with as less an expectation as possible to avoid crushing disappointment. I'm not gonna have any theories or anything or scenes that I would ideally like bc I think that's how you get set up for disappointment.

I'm gonna enjoy the ride and just see where the finale takes us. Weird that this time next week, Titans will be over. Sad times. :(

One upside, I'm working til 3pm next week so I am gonna try my absolute HARDEST to avoid tumblr and just not look at the tags so I remain blissfully unaware of what happens. Even if it kills me.

Each week when I am at work and a new episode of Titans comes out, I literally refresh the dc titans and dickkory tag like a thousand times to get me through the day.

Anyways! Hope others liked this episode and see y'all for the finale!

[lemony-snickers]

so i went to karaoke on friday night. and the friend i go with, she's got an incredible voice. like, a legit could be on broadway voice. i don't. i know that. but i enjoy singing and i at least have a decent ear so i'm not usually too off key.

but my friend, man. people come up to her all night to tell her how good she is. to compliment her. high five her. one person came up and literally said, "i never heard that song before but i just looked it up because you made it sound so good, thank you for introducing me to it."

it happens every time, this revolving door of gratitude and compliments. sometimes while she's singing people will come up to me because they know we're friends. "my god she's so good, isn't she?" and she is. i know she is. and i tell them that. i love watching her perform. i'm also a little jealous. who wouldn't be? sitting in conversation with someone that is nearly constantly interrupted by others who just have to tell her how incredible she is. and some of them, not all but some, they will notice me sitting there, smiling and listening as my friend basks in the glow of their praises and they say to me, "you're really good too!" just as they're leaving. a conciliatory afterthought, you know?

i don't expect people to tell me i'm good, no matter how much i wish i could be. i know i'm mediocre at best when it comes to pretty much everything i do. i get that.

and yet it still feels like such a cruel knife. plunging slow, you know? deliberate and separating muscle from bone. a deep, deep wound. the same one left every time (and there have been so very many) that a person goes on & on at length about how pretty my sisters are. how hot my mom is. the "of course, you look good, too," on my wedding day. the addendum. the afterthought. the backtrack.

the wound deepens. festers.

i'm not the person you came here to see. to talk about. to compliment. i'm not because no one says any of those things about me. no one ever has. not until they notice my flattening gaze, the way my eyes are dull and fixed, trying not to show my disappointment at yet again being The Less Important Party.

and it's the same thing here on tumblr where i can barely get 20 interactions on a fic most days and i see someone post a "hey i'm gonna write this fic soon, who is excited?!" post and get 700+ fucking notes with dozens of comments and reblogs and just general, genuine enthusiasm for their yet-to-be-revealed work.

i don't want to be anything but happy & supportive when others receive this kind of reaction or praise, but it's like the wound is infected, turning green at the edges with envy, poisoning my blood. my thoughts.

i have spent my whole life being the less talented less attractive less successful less funny less spectacular add-on. i just wish that just once i could be The One People Compliment, you know? the person they came to see. and i realize that's a selfish self-involved thing to desire. i do. but i've spent the entirety of my existence smiling while other people bask in that glow, always standing off to the side just out of the spotlight. an onlooker. an uneven wheel.

the fact that it will never be my turn at center stage just fucking stings, y'all.

[songmingisthighs]

I have resurfaced from hanging out with cthulhu

nahh jk it's been a bad 3-4 days

but i'm gonna rant about what happened

I had an "argument" with someone and that "argument" caused a physical reaction (me crying obvi) that triggered a whole issue with my parents (esp my mom) which then triggered a behaviour most of you wouldn't approve of. I couldn't sleep until 10 am the next day and after i epke up, I spent the rest of the day just crying in bed, trying to calm myself down, but basically chilling in my depression hole while thinking or planning on how i can talk to the person i "argued" with bc i wanna talk like rational adults. but then the next day, i woke up to a hate message from the person i "argued" with and i was being blamed for something i had NOTHING to do nor do i have control of and then the argument continued while i was still having a concussion but this time another person dmed me and started a whole "you put yourself in a situation you're not supposed to be in". and also, i was put on an anon blast with accusatory statements but without the explanation of what happened or even my side of the story and that painted me as the WORST type of person/friend ever. and that led me to a whole new level of depression and thoughts a lot of you would be worried about like you'd call the cops on me or smth. thankfully i had enough sense to seek help from a friend and we vced and she kinda talked me down and talked some sense into me. and kinda made me feel understood and supported because i legit blamed myself for the whole issue, thinking that maybe those two people were right, but apparently my side was totally valid and understandable considering the circumstance. bc crazy part is, this whole "argument" was based on a pattern this person does that in the past had caused two communities to completely implode and revealed the other parties as crazy ass bitches bc of the drama they created. I'm just trying to hold onto the little amount of friends i have made bc i don't make a lot of friends bc it's hard for me.

initially i had such a bad breakdown and meltdown because of like 20000 stress piling on me with no support and my parents making everything worse. but when i woke up to the hate message and accusation and the my partner > you thing, it kinda truly broke my heart and broke the trust i made on friends or having friends. I spent years building that trust only for it to be broken down in one easy swing

in conclusion, i'm dealing with a sans!hwa situation (not completely ofc) and yes i'm (y/n) in this scenario and the two people i seek counsel from are sans!woosan

no bc how are you supposed to function after being told "that's my partner, ofc i'm gonna side with her" from your (maybe to them it's former at this point) best friend ??? and the other person just wanted me to drop it just because while i've been carrying my burden and pain while they happily pushed all the blame on me

truly i should've been worried when my ex started making sense

anyways that's the gist of the shit i'm dealing with. have y'all missed my socially awkward crazy ass self ???

[zumpietoo]

Ummm.....I think you mean "tear" and dude, not "arguing", it's called "dragging". I'm sorry you don't know what words mean.

Also, I a Cole/Cari blog posted pics of COLE AND ARI????? HOW DARE I????

Again, nobody would say dick if you hadn't started it/didn't lie all over the place.....and it seems to quite upset you. Since you proceed to post another like 7 posts (and it's only on that). I was taking a bath...

Also, again, not stalking and.....go look in the mirror....you choose to post (and lie) publicly. I'm free to look at it and debunk it.

Says the person who spent an entire morning pretending what PP's dress equaled from last nite.....

And I'm pretty sure all of this (and all the hate you send) is yourself...because it totally doesn't sound exactly like Silly/janASS at ALL!

Wait, I thought you "hid yourself" cuz hazbeen fatty loser? And that you were ashamed of/wanted to cheat on your SO???

Yepppp.....love the 99 billionth resurrection of "u luv PP moar".....dude, better material, plez.....not like I haven't stated I actually do wish she'd straighten her ass out (meaning not trying to cosplay SH with a snide, ugly child) and fuck off....plus, again, funny coming from the peeps who claim their sole purpose is to destroy Cole (yes, verbatim)....

A) Not stalking

B) I have the flu

C) ummm....dude, don't lie...if you legit stop with Cole bullshit, I will too. Just this AM you were insisting CabanaPee are engaged and it's cuz evvvollll Cole answered a question on a podcast

And yet we see how deeply distressed it has y'all.....because, LBR.....you're upset because you know I'm actually right about everything AND....your lies only cover but so much.

And dudes, have you taken a look in the mirror? Again, all started cuz of you.

Want it to stop? Post an apology, promise to stop about Cole. Veryyyyy simple. Until then, I shall delight in debunking your lies, every day.

I do love the attempts to victim length here, too, tho....

Oh lastly....ummm....you guys ARE aware you're legit the ones who routinely stalked myself AND my daughter for years, right? So, again, no bagging on your CabanaPee fics doesn't even approach it...

Lastly....you're the ones who still send Cole AND Ari endless hate, still insist she's a prostitute, doxx him, catfished as him, pretend he doesn't have a movie coming out, etc.....I really don't think you get to claim higher ground here, people...

[spurgie-cousin]

I didn’t even know that stove cost $20k but I will openly admit I’ve spent hours combing through ballerina farm’s Instagram to understand her life. I have a coworker who legit grew up on a cattle ranch and I even shared the account with her for her analysis. If anyone’s interested, she told me most ranchers DO NOT have nearly as much money as ballerina farm seems to have and she thinks they probably brought a lot of money with them into this lifestyle from some other source and are continuing to make money from selling all their overpriced kitchen supplies and meat to her incredibly large following. Sorry if I’m coming off like the guy in front of the cork board with strings but that IG account has baffled me since I stumbled upon it. Let’s not even get into the invisible childcare that she MUST have but never acknowledges in order to make all this food from scratch with 7 children

"Sorry if I'm coming off like the guy in front of the cork board with the strings" girl look who you're talking to, I'm that guy but with like, 5 more cork boards 😂

I'm not familiar with those particular influencers at all, I mostly related to just yelling THIS ISN'T REAL THIS ISN'T ATTAINABLE at my phone screen lol. But from what y'all told me it sounds like they are indeed one of those wealthy mormon families that cosplay as simple farmers which is just like. I don't know how to accurately describe how irritating that is to me.

Idk the line between pleasant nonsense that's nice to look at and promoting a simple looking "way of life" that in reality isn't accessible at all to most of your following is very thin. I don't know that family well enough to say where they fall, I didn't see a lot of proselytizing about food choices or parenting etc in my once over but there is a lot of very specific lifestyle content in there too.

At the end of the day it's just important to remember that on social media, if it looks too good to be true, 99.999% of the time is because it is. If accounts like Ballerina farm make you feel bad about your lifestyle or parenting they're not worth following bc like the first anon mentioned, there is so much going on behind the scenes that you can't see. They are in control of what you see and they are going to make it look as perfect as possible.

[douwatahima]

tag 9 people you want to get to know better!

thank you @thermoskind for tagging me!

three four ships: look, i tried to narrow this down to three but i thought of these four and got sad at the thought of not including them all so y'all are getting an extra one.

doumeki/watanuki/himawari (xxxholic) - MY BABIES WHO I LITERALLY NAMED MYSELF AFTER!!! listen, my son watanuki deserves to have a stoic but protective boyfriend and a sunshiney girlfriend who hug him lots and help him see he's worth loving. AND my daughter himawari deserves to be loved without fear of accidentally doing harm. AND my son doumeki deserves to be with the people he cares about despite the fact that they're both self sacrificing as fuck. this is the trio of my dreams and i will love them until i die.

satoshi/daisuke (dn angel) - so like...this ship is from a manga that a) isn't popular and b) i would not recommend despite the fact that it had a vice grip on me as a fourteen year old. that being said these two anime boys are truly THE BLUEPRINT against which i compared all other ships for YEARS. like, there was a time where how much i loved a ship could be directly correlated to how much they reminded me of satoshi and daisuke. they were IT. and this ship truly gave us everything! the romeo and juliet parallels of them coming from feuding families!!! the enemies to friends (to lovers in my heart) of it all!!! they are THEE fire and ice ship!!! THEE sunshine one and stoic one!!! literally never talk to me about the canonical dn angel ending i want to believe in my imagined ending where they were allowed to be in love.

nico/karolina (runaways) - this is specifically about the comic book version but the tv show version is also good! i remember reading the first few comics series like...a decade ago and OHHHH MAN these two messy girls really got me. i remember reading the first conversation that implied karolina was a lesbian and becoming the living embodiment of this emoji 👀. and then nico's whole mess of a sexuality crisis after karolina leaves? poetic cinema if i've ever seen it. i spent so many years holding a torch for these two that when they actually got together in the comics in 2018 i legit bawled my eyes out. i read the words "i'm not confused anymore, karrie. i'm not scared. i know what i want" and i DIED. their first kiss has been the background on my phone for nearly five years. they are my everything i am soooo serious.

ed/stede (ofmd) - OH YOU KNOW THE GAY PIRATES HAD TO BE HERE. when i say they rewired my brain that is in no way and exaggeration. i can vividly recall scrolling through tumblr and seeing how much people were talking about this show and thinking "okay but is it really gay or is this just another tumblr thing?" LIKE. I HAD NO IDEA. staying up until two a.m. to watch episodes 9 and 10 and feeling every human emotion all at once is a moment i will never recreate. i could've done anything that night. i could've fought god and won. it's ten months later and i still think about these two every fucking day. i truly can't wait to see more of them. david jenkins thank you for my life.

first ever ship:

arnold/helga (hey arnold) - i was like...seven and didn't know what fandom was yet but i watched every episode with baited breath waiting for these two to get together lmao. the romeo and juliet episode is burned into my brain for all time. when the jungle movie came out and they finally got together after OVER A DECADE of waiting i literally went out and bought a cake to celebrate.

last song:

grace kelly by felix hagan & the family - what can i say? this song is a bop!

last film:

glass onion - listen, i would watch benoit blanc solve murders for another fifty movies and never get bored. also janelle monae i am free on thursday if you are also free on thursday and want to meet up on thursday when i am free.

currently reading:

i'm between books at the moment but the one i most recently finished was lost boy by christina henry. it was genuinely the most five out of ten book i've ever read. like...not bad by any means but so meh i have no words.

my plan is to read the magicians by lev grossman next because i miss those characters more than i can say but like hell am i gonna watch the show again after...all that. i heard the books are worse soooooo we'll see how far i get.

currently watching:

the mayfair witches - i recently watched the first two episodes and i really enjoyed them! i've never read the books so everything is new and exciting to me. i'm looking forward to seeing where this story goes!

currently consuming:

a caramilk bar. ❤

currently craving:

the ofmd season 2 trailer. please djenks i need to see ed again my crops are dying.

tagging:

i feel like most of the people i would tag have already done this so instead i'm gonna do a cop out and say if you're reading this consider yourself tagged!

[wanderlust-----witch]

My SO Sleep Spell

I have successfully completed this spell seven times, so it's time to share my results! (BTW that seven times thing is my own practice: I want to have successful results from a spell 7 times before I share it with anyone, so I know it's legit)

What you need: absolutely nothing! It's all energy based!

When me and my husband are laying in bed near the end of the day, we often just coexist, both needing time to wind down and recharge our social batteries. Usually, after a little while, he's finding himself struggling to sleep. So, as a means of comfort, I snuggle up next to him. My favorite position is laying on his chest and draping my arm across him, so my hand is up on his shoulder and my forearm is on his chest, right on the sternum.

While he's trying to sleep, I condense my energy into a ball of purple light, specifically lavender colored. There are personal meanings behind this color which I will not elaborate on. You can use any color of light, but I usually try to pick a color that would calm your SO down. If their favorite color is sunshine yellow, then by all means, use that color. There's no limits here!

I send this energy through my arm and into his body near his heart. I then imagine it spreading throughout his body, calming him down. I think of it as me gently encouraging everything in his body to relax and get prepared for sleep. And within ten minutes, he's out like a light despite being wide awake previous to us cuddling.

Now, a few things of note: my husband has adhd and struggles falling asleep. Falling asleep in ten minutes in not the norm for him, so that's how I know this spell is effective. In order to adapt it to your own SO, I would observe their typical sleeping behavior for a few nights prior to performing this spell for the first time. I spent months learning to read my husbands body as he falls asleep, feeling out for myoclonic jerks, changes in heart rate and breathing, down to the most minute details. This was out of personal preference, but I actually found it to be a really great tool when forming this spell.

As I mentioned above, I have successfully completed this spell seven times. I can recall two nights out of the seven where there was a slight deviation in the spell due to circumstances not under my control, and I was able to modify the spell on the spot to keep it successful. The most recent instance of that was actually tonight, when my husband commented to me that he was having trouble relaxing because his legs were itchy. Immediately, I adjusted my hand on his chest so only the fingertips were touching him. I imagined drawing the itchiness out of his legs, which I pictured as an energy field not unlike before, only this one I colored a bright yellow-green. To me, that seemed like the right color for itchiness.

I drew this energy out through my fingertips while saying, over and over, "take the itchiness and give it to me" in my head. I felt it working almost immediately, as my legs began to itch. I continued imagining this exchange of lights, lavender in and yellow-green out, cycling through until my husband began to snore beneath me. As stated above, this took around ten minutes.

Yes I know I sound like I'm writing a science report, that's how I approach my spell work lol. I'll try to make this better when I'm not stoned on painkillers lol. Goodnight and Nyx bless y'all

-Wander

[puccafangirl]

Happy 10th anniversary to Ice Age 4: Continental Drift! So sorry this took me so long. I overslept way too much and was only able to draw this near the end of the day. Not to mention the fact that I'm a slow artist. Anyway, now to go into detail about my history with this film as well!

Y'all, the hype I felt for this film was so real. After I watched Ice Age 3 and fell in love with the franchise, I eagerly awaited a fourth Ice Age film for a long time. When the first official poster was released, I did so much squealing and felt so much excitement that I called my Mom late at night just to express my excitement over it.

And when the first teaser came out featuring the tradition of showing a scene with Scrat at the beginning of the film, I couldn't stop watching it! I even gushed about it to my teacher Jenn Cancino for a while because I just had to talk to someone about it!

But one other really fond memory I have is when Blue Sky announced the release date of the next trailer of the movie and how when I got to that day, I spent the whole time at school just anxiously and excitedly waiting to get home just so I could watch it. And then I watched it and my excitement grew!

After that, I pretty much spent a huge portion of my teenage/high school years obsessively looking for any news or new clips I haven't seen yet that I could find. Even when that "We are Family" song came out, I instantly downloaded it to my iPod and listened to it at school pretty much all the time. Same with the "Chasing the Sun" song. C:

It was just on my mind every single day and I just could never stop thinking about it until I saw it! And once July 13th finally came and I got to see it, I was legit sweating from excitement that's how hyped I was. My leg was also bouncing practically the whole time I watched it.

And the thing is, I know that a lot of people dislike Ice Age 4 and usually say that that's when the franchise went downhill. But me personally? I loved it. Not just because of the nostalgia I associate with it, but because I think it did a really great job at portraying the relationship between the herd and how far they've come as a family since the past films. And of course Scrat's scenes were super fun to watch. Need I remind everyone how hard I stimmed when I saw Scratte's cameo as a siren for the first time? eue

I think this movie was what also introduced me to the talented Nick Bruno. Cause he was a supervising animator on the film and he did a spectacular job on that. That's when we started talking a few times and when I of course expressed my love for how the film came out thanks to him and the rest of the talented folks at Blue Sky. ^^ I think I got a little closer with some other people at Blue Sky too so there's something to always be thankful for!

So yeah, while Ice Age 3 is still my favorite and the one that gave me the most fond memories, Ice Age 4 gave me a lot of fond memories too. It was one of the most exciting events of my life and I'll never forget all the positive experiences it gave me. <3

But anyway, on to the picture. I know that Gupta looks terrible and it's definitely one of the many signs that I've drawn Scrat and Scratte WAY more than the other characters, but I still tried my best. I hope this is still a decent enough tribute to the film. Thanks for making such a wonderful film as always Blue Sky! It'll always hold a special place in my heart along with the rest of the franchise! ♥

[dandelyle]

this trip might be the legit best thing to ever happen to me in my whole entire life and i say that without a shred of exaggeration or irony.

before: hopelessly depressed, lost, and alone

after: a passion for life hitherto undiscovered

like i wasnt actively suicidal before I left. ever since [redacted] i haven't been able to deal with such thoughts without [redacted] BUT i was terribly depressed and alone. and the worst part was I had no idea how bad off i really was. like i knew it was bad, but i didn't have a clue.

everything is different now. nothing will ever be the same again. and that's exactly what I needed.

i actually have a reason to live now whereas before i just didn't have a reason to not live. i have passion in my life that i don't think I've ever felt before. there's somewhere i fucking belong. i will fight like hell for that because it's literally the only thing that matters.

I'm not saying this to be cheeky or edgy or whatever but I've really been through a lot and i honestly wasn't sure if things could ever get better. like i didn't think a better place really existed. it's hard to see outside your circle when that circle is all you know. but once you expand your horizons, you can see that truly anything is possible. that sounds like a cliche but it's really true and i don't know how else to say it.

i did it. i flew 5,000 miles away from home to a country where i have only studied the language in books and i survived. more than that, bitch i fucking thrived. i have real actual living friends. that's unreal to me. i can't believe it honestly. there's people out there who want to spend time with me. we spent every day together for three weeks and didn't get sick of each other. it's been so long since I last felt that, that i can't even remember how long it's been. at least five years if not more. five years alone is fucking awful and i wouldn't wish it on my worse enemy. there's something to be said there about prison but that's a whole nother can of worms

back to my point. i have friends now and i have photographic proof of it too.

I've fallen in love. like not with a person, but with a place, a culture, and way of life. when i get there, when i stay, i think i can fall in love with life itself. y'all don't live in my head so i can't explain to you how wild that possibility is. but yes, it is a possibility now.

i feel like I'm a pilot in an airplane driving through fog. I know I'm going to fly somewhere beautiful, but right now there is dense fog all around me and i can't see it yet, but i know it's there. I know it's there. until now, i haven't known it was there or where i was going. it was literally just fog and turbulence and i genuinely believed that's all that existed in the world.

i have been searching for this sense of belonging all my life. most people feel it at home, but i never did. it drove me to do some crazy things and to take risks that most people wouldn't take. for example flying alone to spend time with some internet friends. and this isn't even the first time I've done that.

folks, i hope you all get to feel this sensation. and if you've never felt like you don't belong, then i hope you appreciate that and never take it for granted.

if there's someone in your life who makes you feel wanted, appreciated, and seen, you got to be loyal to them because that's truly the only thing that matters. i know I'll never forget the people who made me feel that way. and if you're reading this, you know who you are