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imagine-that-100 · 4 months

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Will We Talk? | Part 4 |

Description of Part 1: Alex Turner x Reader | Being Katie Cook’s best friend means you see a lot of a certain band, so it’s too bad that the lead singer can’t seem to stand being in your presence. You’re all too aware that you get chatty when you’re anxious, and despite being around each other for a decade, Alex still makes your heart race (and not in a good way). But then he asks a question you never expected to hear, and it changes everything: “Do I make you nervous?”

Word Count: 18.2k

A/N: It's finally here oh my lord. Once again so sorry my writing takes so long these days but I'm so excited about this chapter. Thank you for the suggestions I got after I dropped the teaser, really appreciate all the help and it got my mind back into writing mode again. After this there's only one part left, but its going to be fun so don't fret. Really hope you enjoy this part, please let me know what you think. Thank you so so much for reading. Enjoy x

| My Masterlist |

| Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 |

The run up to Christmas was fun. Fucking Alex every other day of the week had been a surprisingly needed stress relief that a month ago you would have never foreseen. Usually the run up to Christmas had you stressed for no reason in particular but this year with your stresses finally being relieved every other night it was so much better than other Christmas breaks you’ve had in a long time.

Alex had certainly been making the most of your arrangement. It was him texting or calling you asking, “Are you free tonight?” Which may as well be directly translated to ‘Do you want to fuck me tonight?’. Every single time you said yes, not depriving yourself of such simple pleasures and it led to you having a very relaxed holiday season.

And now Christmas is over and done with, you were excited for tonight’s New Year’s party. So much so that you couldn’t sit at home and just wait to get ready, you ended up texting Katie and asking her if you could help her set up and thankfully she said yes.

For the past hour you’ve been listening to music and hearing the Cook's Christmas stories of Forest getting all excited when he opened each present. She showed you a couple of videos before Jamie took the little man out for the afternoon while you both got the house ready for tonight.

Your catch ups are the best and you adore your best friend so much. The gossiping and the giggling never ceases and you’re forever finding new things to talk about, it’s a miracle you’ve not discovered everything there is to know about each other after a decade of being best friends.

But it turns out there are some things you are yet to discover. Like a certain holiday that was being planned.

“You’re coming on the impromptu trip away with us, right?” Katie asks, a little out of the blue as if she’s just remembering as she unpeels the Happy New Year banners from each other and handing one to you.

“Depends, when?” You tell her, knowing the dates of this trip will be the deal breaker if you can go, “I’m back in work on the ninth, remember?”

You’ve joined the Cooks on impromptu trips away before, both with their family and their friends. You’re always invited, which you find thoughtful of Katie and knowing that these trips tend to be very random, you’d started saving money for such events so you didn’t find yourself missing out. The only time you denied yourself was when the trips clashed with work which you hope isn’t the case this time.

“Oh, we come back on the seventh.” Katie grins, very pleased with what you’ve just said, “You’re coming.”

“Yeah,” You find yourself giggling at her, knowing she probably wouldn’t take no for an answer anyway. You continue putting up the party decorations as you tell her, “Just let me know how much it is and I’ll scramble it together.”

“Oh no, Alex is paying for us all,” She tells you, as she seems to be having a hard time stretching the balloons out to start blowing them up, “You just need spending money.”

You immediately frown hearing that, bluetacking the banner on the wall and turning towards your best friend to ask, “What?”

“Alex is paying.” She tells you, “It’s for his birthday. Has he not told you about it yet?”

“No, he’s not mentioned it.” You tell her.

You figure it’s best to neglect mentioning how the singer only talks to ask how you are before he ends up saying the filthiest things into your ear as he fucks you senseless. Holidays and other things normal friends would talk about are not on the cards.

He comes over. You fuck. He leaves. Interaction complete.

“Oh well, he probably expected me to ask you.” Katie shrugs, not thinking much of it, “But yeah don’t worry about the money, he’s paying.”

You’ll see about that, you think as you continue helping your best friend decorate, putting the singer out of your head for the time being.

~*~*~*~

I need to speak to you

You text the singer as you’re walking home from Katie’s. You thought about just leaving it but you know if you keep what you're feeling bottled in it will just make you go back into your shell when you’re around him, and that’s the last thing either of you want.

Thankfully those thoughts don’t have enough time to fester because about 2 minutes later Alex texts you back.

Christ

Am I in trouble? x

His response makes you roll your eyes as you can practically hear him asking you. You know for a fact he will have snorted when he got the message through and when he typed that one back to you. So you keep him in limbo for a bit.

You’re not funny

Phone me when you’re free.

Thankfully you’re not waiting for ages for the call. Your phone starts ringing as you turn the corner and head down your road. It’s a little embarrassing how excited you are to get back in your house for a bit and just relax until the party later.

After greeting him, Alex gets straight to the point, “What’s up Y/N?”

“About this holiday,” You start, “Katie told me she wants me to come and I want to know how you feel about that before I start to spiral.”

You can already sense the panic in your chest as you feel like you’re at a bit of a stalemate. You don’t want to let Katie down but you’re also definitely not going to go if Alex wants a break from you. You don’t want to intrude on his holiday. Especially one that’s for his birthday.

“Don’t spiral.” Alex begs, and you swear he’s also outside as you can almost hear the way he takes a drag of a cigarette before he says, “The last thing we need is you spiralling and questioning everything again.”

You can picture the smile tugging at his lips as he says that. So much so that him finding your panic amusing means that you silently want to scorn him.

“I’m well aware of that.” You say a little bit too bluntly, so you attempt to soften the blow when you follow up with a rhetorical, “Why do you think I asked you to call me?”

Alex definitely mutes a laugh, covering it by him pretending to clear his throat. To make sure he doesn’t get himself into trouble he distracts you by asking, “What’s panicking you now?”

“The holiday.” You take a deep breath before you start to vent your worries, “Apparently it’s for your birthday, I don’t know if you want me there with what’s going on with us. The fact that you’re apparently paying... I don’t want you paying for me if I come.”

“I did tell Katie to invite you if she wanted to.” Alex reveals.

“That’s not the point. Do you want me there?” You ask him directly, “I don’t want to intrude on a holiday that’s for your birthday.”

Alex takes a second to answer that, not because it’s a difficult answer but mostly because he wants to know, “If we weren’t sleeping together would you come?”

You think about it for a second and realise that you probably would, but not without speaking to him and asking Katie at least 30 times if you were actually welcome. Not to mention trying not to interact with him much when you were out there. And you certainly would not be allowing him to pay for you.

“I still would have double checked with you first, or got Katie to. But that doesn’t matter, it’s different now,” You start talking about your reality again, “The dynamic has changed.”

“Y/N, we were friends anyway,” Alex sighs and you’re glad he can’t see the way your face contorted in disagreement. “The only thing that’s different this time is that we’ve seen each other naked.”

You almost scoff.

You’ve done a lot more than see me naked, sir.

Feeling flustered at the memories of him fucking you flooding back to your mind, you just get back to the point, “So, do you want me there or not?”

And you listen to his response as you unlock your front door and get into your house. Feeling the absence of the chill from outside makes the singers answer all the more bearable.

“I just want you to do whatever you want to. You can come and have a holiday. I don’t expect anything from you if that’s what you’re worried about.” Alex says sincerely, before adding, “And I am paying.”

“I don’t want you to pay Alex,” You whine like a child not getting their own way. But you add honestly, “It makes me uncomfortable.”

And it’s not even just because you’re fucking him, although that is your main concern. It’s the fact that you’ve barely known him properly before now (and you still wouldn’t say you were all that close in any way but physically), you can’t in your right mind let him spend thousands on a skiing holiday for you.

“Y/N, I didn’t invite you to make you feel uncomfortable.” The singer sighs, feeling like you should know this already.

He’s not ever excluded you from something before and he’s certainly not about to start doing so now. And he’s not letting you pay for yourself when everyone else who is coming is paid for already. Christ, he doesn’t really know why this is even a conversation when everything has already been sorted and paid for in advance.

You feel like you’re whining when you again admit, “I know that’s not the intention but I still feel it Alex.”

“Well, it’s up to you.” Alex shrugs, hoping to convey how much he’s unbothered by the fact he’s paying for a holiday, but he doesn’t want to pressure you. “You’re very welcome to come and I’m paying for everyone, not just you.”

“But-“ You start but then stop yourself.

Alex immediately questions, “But what?”

He would rather know what’s going on in your head rather than be left guessing. He needs to know how best to reassure you otherwise you both will just regress. And he doesn’t think that wanting for your honesty is too much to ask.

You can’t bring yourself to say it. So you just leave him with silence.

But that silence speaks volumes.

“You worried that if I pay for you to come I’m expecting you to shag me?” A few beats of silence pass and as you don’t dismiss him entirely, he already knows it to be true. His question is entirely rhetorical, “That’s it, isn’t it?”

You can’t even confirm it for him. It’s embarrassing to admit, but that is a worry of yours.

“Y/N.” Alex sighs, knowing he’s right because of your silence. “I don’t expect anything from you, you know that right? You can come away with us and we don’t have to do anything.”

“It’s not compulsory, even when we’re home. Y/N/N, you’re Katie’s best friend, you’ve been around for ten years.” He backs up his point some more, “You came on the last holiday we went on, this is going to be no different to that. My birthday just happens to fall on a day whilst we’re there.”

“You didn’t pay for me last time Al.” You argue in a slight huff, already feeling like you’re fighting a losing battle.

“Hey, listen to me.” Alex persists, “I’m paying for everyone to come, not just you, and I’m not expecting a huge orgy all week.”

You can help the laugh that escapes your lips at that. It’s a full giggle that the singer can’t help but grin at as he takes another drag of his cigarette.

“There’s that laugh.” He hums, enjoying the sound even more purely because it’s him that’s caused it.

Only after your laughter subsides, do you ask, a lot calmer now, “Are you sure you want me there?”

“Yes, sweet.” Alex assures you. And just to convince you some more, he adds, “I need someone to entertain Mrs Cook when I pull Jamie away for a pint anyway. Think you fit the brief.”

“Ah yeah, I think I could do that for you.” You chuckle a little, but then you’re serious in a soft tone, “I still feel bad that you’re paying though Alex. Skiing holidays are a lot of money.”

“I have a lot of money that I’ll never need.” The singer tells you, and you try not to think about the way anxiety in your chest dissipates when he says, “I’d rather treat my friends to a week away.”

You're his friend. Something so simple shouldn’t make your heart swell. Especially when the other night he tongue fucked you until you came, twice.

“Well I’m buying you food and drinks whilst we’re away then.” You counter, finally readying yourself to admit defeat.

“We’re going all inclusive but thanks.” You can almost hear Alex’s smirk.

You sigh, dropping down onto your settee and leaning back to try and get comfy, “Well I’m assuming we won’t be staying in the hotel for your birthday. They’ll be pubs and cafes I’m sure.”

He counters, “I’ll take a drink at the airport before we go.”

“Okay deal.” You accept but know you’ll find ways to do more than just that, “Thank you Alex. You really don’t have to do this.”

“Well I want to.” Alex smiles, and his tone is full of amusement as he says, “And I can’t have you spiralling.”

You hum in a silent laugh at that and let your eyes close as you take a deep breath. You’re about to tell him that it’s just how you are but you’re okay now you’ve spoken about it. But he takes your attention again.

“You know that this goes both ways right, Y/N/N?” You’re about to ask him what he’s on about until he continues, “If I text you asking to come over, you can say no and I’m not going to be offended by it. I understand that it’s not going to happen every time.”

He’s talking about fucking you. And trying to make you feel more at ease about your situationship.

Alex finishes off by saying, “I just ask on the off chance that you’re up for it.”

“I am always up for it.” Are the words that slip from your lips, and when you realise what you’ve said, your eyes shoot open.

Oh my god woman, you sound so needy. Backtrack now. Now!

You sit up as you begin to pathetically backtrack, “Well. I mean, I- when you say you are, I, I- usually am too.”

“Good to know you’re always up for me, sweet,” You can hear Alex's smirk then, but thankfully he doesn’t tease you more for it he just carries on to say, “It seems like I’m texting you all the time asking to come over but you can text me. You’re allowed to get horny too.”

You try and fail not to flush at hearing him say that. Especially when you can feel the ghost of his touch as you’re sitting on the settee he had you ride him on a week ago.

“Alex, you’re over twice a week, if not more... It’s not like I’m without relief for long.” To drive the point home you say, “It’s not a ten month wait again.”

In your little meetings you’d discussed when you’d both last been with someone else. Yours was a guy you were seeing at the beginning of the year who turned out to just not do it for you after you dated him for a few months.

Alex’s last fling was another rebound of his after the French girl he cheated on Taylor with. Turns out Alex hadn’t been with anyone in the last 5 months which did surprise you a little. But who are you to presume he’d just become a slag after his break up?

“Still. We started this for a reason.” Alex drives the point home, wanting you to fully understand, “You can say no and you can call me whenever you want too.”

You nod even though he can’t see you, “I know.”

“Maybe this holiday can just be the friends you’re so persistent we’re not.”

You frown, confused, “What?”

“Your rule, ‘no sex while we’re away’.” Alex smirks, but he’s sincere when he says, “To make you feel more comfortable.

“I don’t wanna seem like a prude Alex I just don’t…” You fail to continue your sentence, Wanna seem like a prostitute.

“I think of all people, I’m not the one who’s going to think of you as a prude, sweet.” The singer can't help but tease, finding himself funny.

You take a deep breath, trying not to let your amusement or embarrassment show, “So where are we going?”

“The Alps.” The singer tells you almost smugly, “Where else?”

You decide that you may as well ask him for the details if he’s sorting everything out, “When do we go?”

“Early morning of the second, we need to be at the airport for like four.” He tells you after a moment of thought.

You hum, finally letting the excitement for a holiday bubble in your stomach, “Okay.”

Alex is smiling already hearing you finally sound at ease about the holiday, but he can’t help but push his luck a little more, “You free tonight, sweet?”

“No and neither are you,” You almost laugh, the amusement clear in your voice, “We’ve got Katie’s New Year’s party.”

Alex is grinning as he comes back with, “I mean at like three in the morning.”

“You’re a horny fuck.” You can’t help but tell him as you shake your head.

You’re entirely unable to stop your face from flushing, making you very grateful he can’t see you. All you hope is he’s picturing you with a completely unbothered yet

“You’re the one that just said you’re always up for me.” Alex counters and you have to bite your tongue.

Idiot Y/N.

“See you later Alex.” You immediately dismiss him, not wanting his teasing right now.

Alex laughs loudly, “See you later sweet.”

~*~*~*~ January 2nd 2019 ~*~*~*~

The Alps are absolutely mesmerising and you could stare at the snow covered mountains for days. The trip was certainly worth every single ounce of effort and you know you’ll be eternally grateful to Alex for him bringing you all here.

You’re sure when you first got here you looked like a child in a toyshop. The views are absolutely stunning and you know for a fact that your jaw was agape as you took in the breathtaking scenery around you.

So much so that Alex turned you towards him at one point and pushed your jaw back up and quietly teased, “Don’t let anyone else see those pretty lips parted like that, don’t want people getting ideas.”

Needless to say, you flushed hearing that and Alex wasn’t subtle about the way he let his smirk take over his face. And then he left you hanging, sauntering off to join Miles, Nick, and Jamie walking just in front of you, leaving you to catch up with Katie, Kristen, and Flo who all joined you for the holiday.

Alex leaving you like this hadn’t been the only time since you’d woken up early today though. He’d been a tease since he picked you up to take you to the airport, asking if you’d recovered from the previous nights activities where he all but folded you into a pretzel and fucked you until you came on his cock.

That wasn’t the beginning or end of your antics after the party, he’d teased you at Katie’s party, getting you in the mood and ready for him when he pulled you to a quieter bit of the party and pushed you against the wall to kiss you, taking away any sense but him. And he did it every time to leave you wanting more only for him to pull away and leave you to your own devices for a while.

So you were desperate when it got to 3am and he was practically pulling you down the road so you could get back to your house. And he certainly did show you a good time until you practically passed out from the exhaustion.

You woke up late the next morning to a glass of water and some painkillers on your bedside table along with a note that read, Hope you’re not too sore sweet x

It wasn’t hard to guess he probably felt a hint of guilt how far you’d both gone the night before. In the heat of the moment he said somethings about him wanting you to remember him, the feel of him inside you, over the week that you were both away.

He kept making you regret the no sex on holiday rule. Alex kept saying how you'd be begging him to take you when you got back home, how you’d not be able to walk properly by the time he’d finished with you after a week of not touching him the way he knows your filthy mind craves him.

You're ashamed to admit that your thoughts about him are sometimes so dirty they belong down the gutter. He’d certainly made a good job of having you long for him.

You try not to admit to yourself that you crave him. That when he decided that he was the one that was going to be sitting next to you on the plane and not Flo, you were happy. Not because you had any issue with Flo, no she was such an amazing friend to you, but because it was Alex. And he wanted to sit beside you.

The little shit that he was though teased you the whole journey. You were still tired so when you sighed and closed your eyes once you’d relaxed after the take off, Alex whispered into your ear, “Did I work you too hard sweet?”

“Don’t flatter yourself.” You say as you feel yourself flush knowing he was to do with your fatigue.

You slept in a little on New Year’s Day after you’d taken the painkillers he’d left out for you, but then your day was spent packing for this trip, figuring out what you’d need and calling Katie to double checking on if you’d need going out clothes and doing a checklist of the skiing things you actually own.

By the time you went to bed it was 11pm and that was far later than you should have been going to sleep because you had to be up at 3am to get ready. So it was do to Alex fucking you hard and long enough on New Years and the fact you had so little sleep last night that you were tired on the plane.

Next, he’s disturbing your attempt at sleep by him putting his hand on your thigh and leisurely trailing his hand up and down, mixed with him occasionally squeezing. He keeps an eye on your reaction to him, you going stiff for a few seconds and him taking great pleasure in saying, “I’ve done worse than putting my hand on your thigh, sweet.”

“Not in public or daylight.” You huff and try to get yourself comfy enough to get sleepy.

Looking out of the window just has you mesmerised so after a few minutes you just end up looking around the plane. It's just you and Alex sitting beside each other and for some reason you’re not all that close to your friends.

Katie, Kirsten, and Flo are all on one row, about 4 seats ahead of you, and Miles, Jamie, and Nick are on the row behind them. You’ve got no idea why you’re so far away from them with the gap of strangers in front of you, but you guess things could be worse. You could be sitting alone or worse, you could be at home feeling like you’re missing out.

There’s a stranger beside Alex so you’re glad you took the window seat and the views of sun rising through the clouds were amazing. You genuinely wish you weren’t as tired as you were so you could appreciate them fully.

Instead you’re feeling uncomfortable and whichever way you lean your head isn’t helping you relax. If it's against the wall of the plane you can feel the vibrations, just leaning back does nothing to help and if you do fall asleep like that you’re not risking possibly snoring because your jaw is hanging open, and if you let your head fall forward that’s not good for your posture, not to mention painful.

Maybe it’s you wriggling in your seat that gives you away, considering his hand is still on your thigh, but Alex seems to pick up on your discomfort easily.

“You can lean on me to go to sleep, you know?” Alex tells you with a smile, nodding down to his shoulder just beside you.

“What,” You hold back your sigh but let him know that you’re not all that impressed with his offer after his previous antics, “So you can just try to wake me up even more?”

“Come on sweet.” Alex chuckles, rubbing your thigh again before squeezing it. “Not my fault you’re not finding it relaxing.”

Pretending that him gripping your thigh didn’t give you flashbacks to the other night, you keep your voice quiet as you raise your eyebrows accusingly, “Because you’re trying to be a tease.”

“And it’s working.” Alex smirks, clearly knowing whatever your tells are by now, he gestures to the back of the plane, “Wanna go to the bathroom?”

Its a mixture of shock and being entirely unimpressed that has you asking, “Are you kidding?”

“Absolutely not.” Alex grins, holding his chuckle as he asks, “We’re not on holiday yet, technically. We could go again if you're not feeling satisfied enough before we land?”

You don’t dignify him with an answer, you just shake your head and look away from the tease. While the thought of him fucking you and you having to be quiet because others are around seems like quite the thrill, the mere thought of doing so in a public aeroplane has you wanting gag.

“What?” Alex fakes his hurt, nonchalantly following up with, “I know you can get horny just after you’ve woken up.”

Your head whips back to him, narrowing your eyes as you scold, “You’re being loud.”

He wasn’t. His voice was just above a whisper. But the mere fact you were on a plane with the possibility of anyone around you eavesdropping has you getting all embarrassed and flustered in an instant.

“Sorry,” Alex barely holds back his grin. “I’ll be subtle about it when I take you in the bathroom.”

Instead of scowling, you lean your head back on the seat, close your eyes, and take a deep breath so you don’t end up smacking him. Taking a few seconds to calm your anxiousness down and try not to let his joking get you too embarrassed when you know he isn’t trying to be malicious, you just stay like that silently.

But Alex disturbs your peace, “You don’t have to think about it so intently Y/N/N, we can just do it.”

“No.” You look at him again, and say even quietly to try and further your point, “Not to mention everyone would see.”

Alex can’t help but take that though as you just don’t want to right now. In such a public setting. That’s not you saying that you’d never be ready to join the mile high club.

“Oh okay, remind me to take you on a private jet.” Alex squeezes your thigh again, before winking, “They mind their business on those.”

You’re lost for words for a brief moment. Taking in exactly what that means, and you end up half frowning.

“Way to persuade me.” You scoff, “Telling me you’re already in the mile high club.”

Sarcasm is thick in your voice as you say, “Such a turn on.”

The singer can’t help but smirk though, “Don’t be jealous now, sweet.”

After that, Alex seems to give you a break from his endless torment. He takes his hand from your thigh as he reaches down to his bag by his feet and takes out the word search book he bought himself in WHSmiths at the airport. Finally you feel like you can relax and sleep for the remainder of the 2 hour flight.

Or you hoped so anyway, but it seems the vibrations of the plane's wall just wanted you conscious. So it was with a huff you leant back against the headrest once more.

“Just,” Alex sighs and he picks his hand up to cup the side of your face to gently push your head on his shoulder.

Instant comfort was an understatement compared to the wall and the seat. But you still felt weird about it.

You tell him with a sigh, “I don’t want to annoy you.”

“You don’t annoy me at all, Y/N/N.” He dismisses immediately, paying you no more attention after saying, “Go to sleep.”

And so you did. You got a good hour’s sleep and you think it was only when the plane started to make a steady descent that your body woke you up as a result of the decrease in altitude. But you woke up gently and slowly, and you realised you were still on Alex’s shoulder long before you opened your eyes.

You found yourself not wanting to move. The woody scent of his aftershave leaves you in a little trance all the time and you never want to bring yourself out of it. So you just blinked your eyes open slowly and told your body not to even twitch to give away that you were awake.

And Alex didn’t notice because you now see he’s entirely too engrossed in his book. Charlotte Bronte’s Jane Eyre.

A true classic, you can’t help but tiredly smile as you see he’s about to get to one of your favourite bits of the book. You following pretty easily for a few pages because he’s holding the book open practically as far as it can go (you’re so tired you can find it in yourself to shudder at the fact the book will definitely have a cracked spine) in one hand, and you only noticed when he turned the pages that his other had gone back to gently resting on your thigh.

Everything is good for about 5 minutes, but then the singer started reading too fast for you at one of your favourite bits, so you end up having to say a quiet, “Go back,”

“What?” You feel Alex turn his head towards you a little, his jaw gently nudging your head but you don’t make a single effort to move.

“Hadn’t finished the page,” You tell him and Alex can’t help but smile as he turns the page back for you.

His only indication that you’re ready to move on is the slight nod of your head and Alex even angles the book towards your direction a little more so you can both read. He smiles at the way you haven’t attempted to move from his shoulder at all, seemingly quite comfy.

You both continue reading together for the next few pages until the same thing happens again where Alex turns the page too soon. This time you whine a little as you whisper, “Too fast.”

“Not had you complain about my speed before.” Alex can’t help but tease when the opportunity is right there for the taking, but all it earns him is a poke in his side which makes him jump and he just about peers down at you seeing you smiling victoriously.

After this you fall into a rhythm of you nodding slightly when you're ready for him to turn the page. It doesn’t bother Alex at all, no it's the opposite, he finds you endearing that you’re both enjoying his book and reading it at the same time.

The both of you become entirely engrossed in Jane Eyre’s world that you barely even acknowledge that the plane is just about ready to land. It’s only when the air hostess’ voice fills the plane as they announce over the tannoy that you’d be landing shortly, does Alex close the book.

At the same time you reluctantly pick your head up from his shoulder, Alex offers as he taps the book, “Can borrow it after me if you want?”

“I’ve already read it, I just love that part you’re on.” You hum, smiling at him in earnest, “Thank you though.”

And both of you know you’re not just saying thank you for that offer, but thank you for allowing you to fall asleep on him.

The transfer to the resort even had you in awe. But when you got to the hotel and you entered your room, you were blown away by your view.

The white mountains are stunning and you were so glad you brought your camera. This was something you definitely didn’t want to ever forget.

The air felt like ice on your skin as you took your pictures, the bitter cold making you want to jump into the private hot tub you have on your balcony.

You restrain yourself, saving that for later, you opt for a hot shower to settle you after that flight and you end up falling asleep in the warmest queen sized bed.

You all meet downstairs a few hours later where you get some food and decide that you’re going to all get ready to hit the slopes, you all opting for the red runs for today. They were so much fun and with you skiing, you just find yourself in awe of Flo on her snowboard flying past you all.

It’s a fun few hours, with you all stopping half way down the slope at one of the cafes on the mountain where you all have a hot coffee, and the lads follow it up with a beer. The lads head off before the rest of you, wanting to be speed demons and race down the rest of the way which you’re all fine with.

You know Flo will inevitably end up beating them down anyway. Which she of course did.

Before you set off though, you girls decide that after dinner you’re all going to have a little hot tub party. So that’s how you’re now sinking in the hot tub on your balcony, Katie already in after beating you to being the first.

You just laugh at her rushing in there to beat you, as you take off your hotel dressing gown to reveal your dark green bikini. Katie says she loves the colour of yours as you glance back around at her and tell her you adore her maroon one.

But it’s when you step into the tub that Katie gasps, loud enough for you to pause as you stand in the pool of bubbling water.

“What are they?” Katie points to your thighs with wide eyes.

Your bruised beyond belief thighs. Dark, almost purple bruises that litter the tops of your thighs which were left by the mouth of the singer next door.

“Y/N!” Katie yells, her jaw dropped as she looks at the assault on your skin, “What the fuck?”

“Katie, stop looking at me.” You get all flustered and embarrassed so you're about to sit down, but your best friend grabs your hips to stop you so she can look at the dark marks for longer.

“Oh my fucking god.” She shakes her head, too shocked by the sheer amount of them. “It’s hard not to when you have those on your thighs Y/N!”

“Please stop, can we just pretend you didn’t see them.” You pry yourself out of her grip and finally immerse yourself into the hot water, loving the chill dissipating from your body.

“No, I want the gossip.” Katie grabs her glass of prosecco you’d poured her and left on the side of the tub along with yours and the other girls that were meant to be coming shortly. “How’s it been going between you two?”

“Fine.” You nod with a coy smile as you reach for your glass.

Your best friend shakes her head, “I’m not settling with fine.”

“It’s good.” You take a long sip of your drink, knowing you’ll need it if you’re having this conversation, “I guess he keeps me on my toes.”

“In what way?” She prys.

You think about how to word your feelings for a second. The sound of the jets humming in the cold air fills the brief silence until you end on, “I’m still not used to having a booty call or being one. I still get a text off him and it throws me... He still makes me nervous.”

“That’s good though.” Katie hums and nods, “He’d be boring if he didn’t make you nervous.”

“Yeah, I guess.” You nod in agreement.

But your best friend enquires, “He’s not making you nervous in general now, right? Just when he comes on to you?”

“No, it's a lot better.” You explain honestly, sinking into the water a little more. “But I’m still not at ease if that makes any sense. I still find him difficult to read.”

“That just comes with time.” Katie nods, understanding you entirely, “When you start spending more time with him, you’ll figure it out.”

“Well that doesn’t really happen,” You mumble a little but seeing as she heard you and noting that sparkle in her eye for the gossip, you explain, “He sort of just shows up and we fuck and then he leaves.”

Katie frowns a little at that though, “Thought he took you out?”

“That was just until I felt more comfortable around him. We’ve not carried that on.” You almost cringe when you say, “We’re just shagging now.”

“And how’s that going?” Your best friend smirks, “The bruises seem like a good sign.”

You sigh, “Yeahhh.” taking another sip of your drink.

“What was that sigh for?” She calls you out.

You try to pass it off immediately, “Nothing.”

But she’s not having any of it, “S’not nothing, come on.”

“He was just a tease on the plane but he’s doing it on purpose.” Your cheeks heat up a bit as you tell her.

“Getting you ready for later.” She grins and gives you some teasing suggestive eyes herself.

You gently shake your head, “I don’t think so.”

“Oh?” Katie raises her eyebrows, “What does that mean?”

Oh fuck.

“Don’t make me explain Katie.” You pout.

She pushes you, “Come onnnn.”

You just sigh in defeat and say, “We’re not doing that right now.”

“Excuse me?” Your best friend is now even more confused.

“You heard me Kate.” You sigh, closing your eyes not wanting to explain yet another of your stupid thoughts to her.

For clarity’s sake she has to ask, “Weren’t you with him twice last week?”

“We shagged on Boxing Day and then the 28th and New Years.” You tell her.

And it occurs to you that you’ve probably not been this active on a regular basis since you were in your late teens. Either you or Alex clearly has the sex drive of a teenager and with the state of your thighs, you think it’s more likely Alex.

Glancing at the bruises again you can almost feel the ghost of his mouth there. You fall into the daze of remembering the way his lips attacked the tops of your thighs as he fingered you to edge you, not letting you finish until you were begging to have his tongue instead.

He toyed with you, saying his mouth was already on you, sucking your thighs that bit more before biting them making you whine. But you were desperate to have him eat you out. Have his tongue tease and flick your clit in the way he knows makes you lose your mind.

And he wouldn’t give in. Not until you were on the edge for the third time, right on the verge of getting bratty with him and making the right decision he compensated by eating you out until you came twice on his tongue. And the way he fucked you afterwards, god, you wish-

“And he’s not touched you since?” Katie’s question shocks you back to reality.

You blink a few times, and shake your head, “No.”

She smirks, almost trying to hide it behind her glass, “I bet you’re losing your mind.”

“I feel like it.” You hum, nodding.

Katie asks, fully ready to big you up to go and knock on his door after your girls prosecco party, “Don’t you want him to touch you?”

“I want nothing more at the minute.” You tell her honestly, “But we’re not doing it until after the holiday.”

She frowns, completely confused, “Why?”

Surely on holiday is on of the best places to fuck? Why wouldn’t you be doing that? Katie can’t help but think.

“Because he knew I felt uncomfortable about him paying for me to come and I was worried he’d expect something from me.”

“Y/N.” Her face falls and then she gently scorns you, “He’s not like that.”

“I know he isn’t Katie. But you know how my mind works. It worries me.” You shrug, not really being able to help it.

“Well I thi-“ Katie starts but is interrupted by Florence appearing at the door of your balcony.

“Hey,” You grin, very thankful for the conversation being cut short.

Hopefully never to be brought up again.

“Flo,” Katie smiles and waves her over, “Come in.”

The gorgeous woman walks out and hangs her dressing gown up before running to the tub to escape the chilly air. After commenting on how much both you and Katie like her black, glittery bikini, the artist asks you both, “What were we talking about?”

You try to think of something quickly to change the subject entirely but your best friend gets in there first and grins, “Just how Y/N/N is sleeping with Alex now and she’s seeing if she can go the holiday without.”

You might drown yourself in this hot tub. Can you get any more embarrassed today?

Flo’s smile is huge as her head whips around to you in shock. You can tell she’s happy for you, presumably for Alex too, but she shocks you when she tells you, “Don’t deny yourself the pleasure.”

You’re so beyond confused by that statement until Katie’s eyes go wide as she gasps, “Fuck, I always forget about you two.”

You blink a few times as you hear her tell Katie that it’s understandable she’d forget because it was before her and Jamie got together. But you’re still in shock, you have to get the clarification, “You and Alex?”

You hope it doesn't sound like you’re annoyed because you’re not, no one even Alex has to tell you anything about this and clearly Flo just found out about yours and her ex’s rendezvous. You’re just confused, clearly Katie forgot but you’ve not even heard any jokes about it or any mention of it before now.

“Yeah, a long time ago.” Flo nods and is quick to explain as she grabs her glass of prosecco. “Lost our virginities to each other back in college, but started seeing him years later.”

She continues to explain with a roll of her eyes, “But the idiot was seeing me at the same time as Alexa back on their Favourite Worst Nightmare tour so I held my tongue for about a week until I blew up and called him out in front of all the lads…” She adds quickly, “It got ugly.”

It makes your chest go tight. He did that to one of his best friends years ago, and he did to his girlfriend of three years last year.

You're sincere when you say, “I’m so sorry.”

You feel almost embarrassed to be sleeping with him now. Especially when you’d consider Flo a friend of yours, even before this trip, when you spoke to her about her artwork that she creates at various parties you’ve both attended. She’d always been lovely to you and made you feel entirely at ease.

And now you’re sleeping with her ex. You need the ground to open up and swallow you whole.

“Don’t be, it worked out well in the end.” It seems that the artist can’t keep the smile off her face as she finishes her story, “I went to Manchester and Matty and my cousin, Adam, got me through it. And when the time was right and I was healed, Matty asked me out and now we’ve been together for a decade.” Her grin is huge as she proudly tells you, “Married for three and a half years.”

It’s impossible to not be happy for her, her love for her husband shining through so brightly. But you can’t help but ask her, “Why are you still friends with him? Alex, I mean.”

You can’t imagine anyone betraying your trust that much and being close friends with them years later.

“Oh, it took a long while and a lot of grovelling on his part. But after two years of barely speaking to him, and with how happy I was with Matty, I forgave Al and now we get on like nothing ever happened.” Flo explains, “I see the other lads too often to let it continue for a lifetime of awkwardness.”

She’s a better person than you. You could never.

You think out loud. “The lads didn’t know he was two timing you?”

“No,” She shakes her head, taking a sip of her drink before saying, “They were as shocked as me when Alexa showed up. Only Miles knew, and covered for him.”

You shake your head, seeing Miles in a completely different light now. But you guess if you’re judging Alex by how he’s only been with you, you have to do the same with Miles.

“You’re too good. I would never forgive either of them for that.” Katie gives her two cents on the situation.

“I’ve been told that a lot. By Alex himself too... But despite last year's shit show, he has changed.” Flo assures you, but then smirks, “So enjoy him, queen.”

You sink into the water a bit more, entirely awkward about the way both women are smirking at you.

“Don’t be embarrassed. He’s good.” Flo giggles, “God only knows that if I didn’t call him out to everyone I would have a hard time choosing between him and Matty.”

You’re glad she’s such a lovely person and she eases you entirely.

“Good job you’re married then.” You joke, which makes Katie also spit out her drink laughing and Flo giggles before clinking her prosecco glass with yours.

“You should see her thighs.” Your best friend laughs.

You shoot her the dirtiest look, “Katie!”

~*~*~*~

Thankfully by the time Kristen arrived the subject of you and Alex had long since been dropped.

Flo saw your thighs and she told you about how she thinks the man will never truly grow up because he left lots of love bites on her boobs when they lost their virginities, and mercifully after that, the subject moved away and the four of you are now just chilling and listening to your a playlist that’s blaring through your phone.

You were all giggling at nothing in particular when you got startled by two men at the balcony door. Alex and Jamie come outside in their trunks and Jamie is the one to scoff, “You all thought you could have a party without us.”

Jamie practically jumps in and sits himself down between Flo and Katie, but your attention is drawn to Alex who sinks in beside you and you half find yourself wanting to scurry over to Katie.

He looks too good. Last time you’d seen him shirtless you were drunk and your memory hazy, but he looks so fucking good and his toned abdomen and his trunks low enough for you to clearly see that V line down to- Stop.

Stop.

Thankfully Alex doesn’t seem to notice the way you get a little bit more tense with him beside you. Instead he immediately asks Flo, “How’s Matty, angel?”

“Yeah he’s good, thanks Shakespeare.” Flo smiles, and despite not understanding her nickname for him, you happily listen in to distract yourself.

Maybe it’s to do with the Macbeth reference in If You Were There, Beware? You can’t help but wonder. Maybe you’ll ask her later.

The singer can’t help but ask curiously, “Why didn’t he join us again?”

“Tour rehearsals.” The artist informs him, “His UK tour starts on the ninth.”

“Fair enough,” Alex nods, clearly completely understanding the situation Flo’s husband finds himself in. “I’m glad we aren’t back on the road till late Feb now.”

“Bet you are.” Flo smiles at him but when he tunes into Jamie’s conversation, her eyes flick to you and she smirks.

You sink even further into the water.

Despite Alex now being beside you, you try not to let your nervous energy take over. No, instead you carry on as normal and have some of the funniest conversations with the people around you. You’re only thrown off when you realise that an old Arctic Monkeys song comes on through your phone and your eyes go wide when Jamie sighs, “I haven’t heard this song in so long.”

Immediately, you tense hearing the guitar and drums at the start of Bigger Boys and Stolen Sweethearts. Fuck, this is why you don’t normally have your music on around Katie, so you don’t have this awkward interaction.

“Sorry, I didn’t realise it was in this playlist.” You say, immediately turning to reach for your phone.

Liar. You feel Alex’s eyes screaming at you, as he looks amused at the fact you like his music, as if he already didn’t know.

“Keep it on.” Jamie tells you, and you hesitate for a split second feeling Alex’s eyes on you until his friend continues to say, “Complete nostalgia of playing it at yours Al.”

“Yeah, it’s a gooden.” Alex smiles.

“Who was this one even about Al?” Flo asks, entirely amused, thankfully stealing the singer's attention away from you so he doesn’t see you starting to fidget, really not wanting the song to stay on.

Your knee is twitching, your foot tapping on the floor of the jacuzzi like you can’t sit still at all. Thankfully the water and the bubbles will be enough to stop you from being noticed though.

“Just that girl I fancied back in Year 11.” Alex explains, “She was in your English lessons, I think she was called-“

If you were to tell the story again, you wouldn’t have been able to name the girl at all. Just that Alex really liked her in school and never got the courage to ask her out and then some guy who was in the year above them in school ended up going out with her.

The conversation moved on and easily past that and your awkwardness about the man you’re sleeping with catching you having his song on your playlist eases off. But then, about 10 minutes later, it happens again.

“Fuck my life,” You whisper immediately reaching to grab your phone this time.

Because this is so much worse.

It’s not just that Piledriver Waltz has started to play. It’s even more embarrassing that it's the Submarine soundtrack version of the song, it’s just Alex. Not even Arctic Monkeys.

“Didn’t know you enjoyed my music this much, sweet.” Alex can’t help but once again tease you. Finding your reactions too entertaining not to.

The panic in your eyes when the first Monkey's song came on, but the way you swore under your breath at this one just made him want to burst out laughing. You look absolutely mortified, and clearly not wanting to get any extra teasing from himself or your friends which you were likely expecting.

But Alex isn’t one to disappoint. So of course he teased you.

You can’t help but narrow your eyes at him, “In the nicest possible way, fuck off.” Before you quickly look for a playlist that is safe and doesn’t have any of his songs on there.

“It’s all good Y/N.” Alex smirks, “It’s good to know I’m doing something right.”

His hand comes to rest on your thigh to stop your leg from tapping. You swallow, stopping your movements and taking a deep breath to not let it get to you that the others could see his hand on your thigh. Although you’d rather them see his hand there than the bruises he’s left.

Thankfully the bubbles disguise it from everyone else and no one comments, but just as you ask, “What album do you want to listen to?” Miles and Nick turn up at your door with more alcohol in their hands and everyone beckons them in.

Which is an issue for you because the hot tub is probably only meant to have 4 people in it at the most and now there’s 8 of you. So you’re unsure why it’s you and Kirsten that have drawn the short straws, but you’ve both been pulled into the laps of who you’re sleeping with. But one second you were seated closely beside Alex, and now you’re sitting on his lap, your arm having to go over his shoulder so you don't slip off as you lean into him a little.

Kirsten and Nick, you understand, they are married. Flo not sitting in Miles’ lap, you again understand because they aren’t together. What you don’t understand is why Katie isn’t on her husband's lap when they are married and have a child. But you, who has been sleeping with this man for less than a month, has been pulled onto his lap to make more room for everyone.

All of a sudden you feel like you’re holding your breath and can’t relax. After being submerged in the warm water for so long, most of your top half being exposed to the crisp air makes you chilly and your thighs feel far too close to the surface of the water so you feel your hands in your lap to try and disguise the bruises.

Thankfully one of Alex’s arms comes to rest across your thighs too and he holds your thighs again. And you can’t help slipping back into that little daydream of yours.

Of the way he pried your thighs open, as if you weren’t already willing and dripping for him. As if you weren’t begging him to eat you out anyway. And when he finally gave into your demands his fingers only dug into your skin more, holding you open entirely at his mercy.

And when he worked you up and up until he had your back arching and his name caught in your throat as you pulled harshly on his hair. He kept going, eating up everything you had to give him until you were writhing beneath him entirely overstimulated.

After he blissfully tortured you like that, he kissed his way up your body until you could taste yourself on his tongue. And that only lead to him fucking you till you could barely move. His cock made you see stars when he hooked his arms under your legs and moved them closer to your chest.

The pleasure he drove into you over and over was blinding, you saw white when you came. The only thing you can remember is the way Alex groaned into your ear when you clenched around him and the way he moaned when you tugged on his sweaty hair. And the way he bit your shoulder when he got his release not a minute later.

Not to mention the way he flipped you over when you both caught your breaths and he fu-

“I can feel you.” Alex's whisper startles you out of your memory and your eyes snap to the man you were daydreaming about.

You all but jump off his lap, your heart racing ten to the dozen feeling like you’ve been caught red handed. But you keep calm, not letting your cheeks heat up to give you away.

“Feel what?” You ask him, the shock slowly disappearing from your face.

“Your pulse,” Alex tells you in a low voice, his grip on you tightening, “On my thigh.”

And it dawns on you what he means. You’re fucking throbbing, completely aching at the thought of him. And he can fucking feel you.

Fuck offfffffff. Men can actually feel that?!

No. No. No.

“Don’t know what you’re talking about.” You play dumb, having to because you don’t think you’ll be able to look at him again if not.

Not that you can right now, you just look at Flo and start listening to her, Miles, and Kirsten’s conversation. Meanwhile praying to every god that there is that you calm the fuck down and you stop being horny immediately.

“Course you don’t, sweet.” Alex kisses your shoulder and his lips linger on your skin as he smirks, “Just like you can’t feel me.”

You’re about to ask him what he means until he shifts you against him more and you can feel his erection pressed against your thigh. He’s hard. Really hard. You have to hold in the sound you want to make.

Why the fuck did you want this ‘no fucking’ shit. You can’t stop thinking about him. The way you want to kiss him. The way you want him in your mouth. The way you want him to fill you up and fuck you like it’s the last time you’re ever going to be able to.

You don’t even realise what you’re doing until Alex grunts in your ear, “I’d stop wriggling unless you want me to fuck you in front of these lot.”

Your thighs press against each other and you pray Alex didn’t feel that too. Despite him definitely noticing, Alex didn’t say anything, didn’t tease you any more and you just about managed to have a conversation with Flo about how she’s joining her husband on his tour and how she’s going to stay in Sheffield for a while after to see her best friend.

But it’s not long after that, the alcohol runs dry and everyone notices the time. Nick and Kirsten are the first to leave, followed by Katie and Jamie, and when you don’t move from Alex’s lap (because he won’t let you, his hands clutching you tightly after you tried to move when the first couple left. Clearly doesn’t think the bubbles will hide his hard on) Flo and Miles are the last to get out.

Miles gives you both a cheeky smile and he helps the artist out of the tub and hands her the dressing gown. Both of them say bye to you and Alex but Florence gives you a teasing look as she leaves, seeming to scream at the both of you, have funnn.

Your jaw locks and you very subtly shake your head at her, trying your absolute best to keep the smile off your face and show your strength. And you’d say you do well, you shout an unbothered bye to the direction they went and only when you hear your bedroom door thud shut does Alex’s hold on you go slack.

And finally you release the breath you were holding and grab the side of the tub to stand up, needing off this man's lap before you do something you’ll regret. Abandoning your empty prosecco glass you just get yourself stood up when the singer stops you.

“Where are you going?” Alex gently grabs your wrist and pulls you back to him, the water sloshing as you fall back towards him.

“Alex,” You sigh as he moves you so you’re straddling him, but before you can even protest his mouth finds yours.

His kiss takes your breath away, and he doesn’t give you time to think. He just wants you to feel.

Alex attacks you with long kisses, three of them that have you forgetting that you were even trying to get away. It’s as if something ignites in you both, the mere connection of your lips has your skin erupting in goosebumps, and they aren’t from the contrast with the hot water and the cold air.

But you seem to get some perspective and much to Alex’s disappointment, you pull back from the kiss. But he doesn’t let you go far at all, his hand on the back of your neck keeps you close enough your foreheads are resting against each others.

“It’s just a kiss.” Whispers the man who’s got your heart racing, his hand pulling your neck that bit closer hoping you’ll kiss him again.

“It’s never just a kiss with you,” You breathlessly reply, gently shaking your head, your nose rubbing against his.

When he pulls you back for another kiss you can’t deny yourself the simple pleasure. Because it is never just a kiss.

And it isn’t, because you’re not sure what this one is laced with, but you’re addicted. You don’t want to stop for a single second, especially not when he grabs your hips with both hands and pulls you against him properly.

Your back arches, your chest against his now and he can feel your peaked nipples through your bikini top. He can’t help but groan, he’s been wanting to feel them against him in some capacity since he saw them through your bikini top when he lifted you onto his lap and you got cold and his head filled with filth about you.

About how he wanted to pinch them between his fingers so you’d make that noise he loves. About how he couldn’t stop thinking about his head being back between your thighs when he spotted the bruises he’d left there. About how he wanted nothing more than to tease you in front of his friends, to see how far he could push you out of your comfort zone. And after he could feel you throbbing on his thigh he wanted nothing more than to make you cum over and over again.

This kiss turns hard and hungry and it takes you enough by surprise that if you were standing you’d have stumbled back with the force of it. As you’re on his lap though, you can’t escape and you don’t for a second want to. Alex’s hands move your hips so you start grinding on him and both of you moan at the friction.

You hope that the rumble of the jets hides them from anyone other than the two of you, and you pray to every god that Katie and Jamie haven’t decided to go into their hot tub as they are the room beside yours. Despite the wooden panelling hiding the balconies completely from potential neighbours, you need to keep quiet. But it’s so difficult when he’s making you feel so good.

The more you grind against him, the more you can feel your stomach tighten with need. The way Alex is dragging you against his cock just makes you worse, your clit finally getting the friction it’s been aching for.

Minutes pass of your whining, gasping, and mewling as he encourages you, taking handfuls of your arse to pull you towards him as he bucks his hips up into yours. His moans motivate you more, your hips now erratic in search for relief as he kisses you.

Alex licks into your mouth like he can’t get enough of the way you taste. His groans spur you on, and his hand moving up to the middle of your waist has you arching into his chest again, and he can’t help but move his hips in time with yours, loving the little whines that escape your pretty lips.

But he needs to hear more, so when you tug on his hair, and he bucks up into you, he bites your bottom lip when you moan so he can muffle it with his own lips. He smirks when he pulls away and he grabs your face, his thumb and index finger pressing your cheeks together as he grinds you against him again, his fingers digging into your hip ensuring it.

The moan you let out for him then, you can’t suppress, and by the way Alex’s eyes seem to sparkle with delight shows you just how satisfied the sound makes him. Like it was intent all along to have you be loud for him.

“Do I feel good, sweet?” His voice a low whisper that has your throat bobbing.

The singer kisses his way up your jaw before biting your earlobe, and he clearly wants an answer, “Well?” His hand falling from your cheeks to your neck and the slightest pressure has your head in pieces.

“Mmm.” You hum in agreement pulling back enough to grab his jaw and bring his lips back up to yours.

You refuse to let him mark your neck up again, no matter how good his lips feel on your throat. And at this point you know he’d do it just to get the both of you caught to see if you could withstand your friends teasing.

This between you carries on for longer than it should. But that pull, that spark, between you, now ignited neither of you can get enough.

“You like knowing you get me this hard, just from seeing the bruises I left on your thighs?” Alex rasps, as he kisses slowly down your neck.

At this point, you think you’d do just about anything to have his lips on you or on your skin somehow. It’s addicting. So much so that you don’t remember the silly rule that you agreed upon, especially when Alex moves his hand

“From seeing these,” Alex hums against your neck as his thumbs circling both your nipples through your bikini. “I can still feel them on my chest from the other night.”

His lips trail down your neck and the top of your chest and he kisses over your skin and his hands grab at you that bit tighter as he says, “I want my mouth all over you, sweet.”

His thumbs hook into your bikini top and he pulls both cups to the side, leaving you bare for him. His lips are on your breast in a second and the other he kneads in his calloused hand.

Your head falls back, a moan falling freely from your lips as you grind yourself onto his cock as he sucks your nipple. Needing as much friction as you can get because you could easily finish like this if he carried on. But god, you want him inside you instead.

Picking your head up, your fingers tug in his hair encouraging him as his right hand now grabs your arse again making you move on him. Fuck, you could cum just from this, easily if he carries on.

He swaps to your other tit, lapping at it and savouring the sweetness of your skin and he can’t help but moan when you rut against him again. God, he just wants to have you like this forever, just free of inhibitions and completely giving into your desire.

“Well, sweet? You like knowing what you do to me?” He teases, but he takes it a step further and he reaches between you and he presses circles onto your clit through your clothes, “That I like feeling this greedy thing throbbing on my lap for me?”

The sound you let out is guttural and completely obscene. To mute it you harshly pull his hair so you can press your lips against his to quieten yourself. But fuck knows if he even helps.

His sweet torture continues and you feel the tension forming in your lower stomach, flames scorching your limbs, all caused by the man who’s name falls from your lips in desparate pleas, “Alex.”

His kiss is hot and heavy like a man starved, like he could never get enough of you. His hands claiming you is something promise you’ll never deny yourself the pleasure of again, those magic fucking fingers have you seeing stars. Each swipe of them against your clothed clit pushes you closer towards that delightful edge.

“I- Al, oh.” Fuck. You’re going to finish, this is it and it’s going to shatter you entirely.

His warm hands on you, the feeling of his chest rising and falling against your own, his body heat making your nipples perk from the stimulation. And his fucking cock that you’re aching to have inside you, he’s so hard all you can think about is reaching down and moving your costume to the side so you can line him up and fill you to the br-

So consumed with your thoughts and your erratic hips chasing the orgasm you're on the verge of having you miss the singer mumble against your lips, “Okay, that’s enough.”

You only register when Alex’s hand now holds your hip to stop you from moving and you hear him say, “Stop, sweet.”

“No,” You helplessly whine, entirely cockdrunk at this point, wanting him too badly and you kiss him deeply again.

But Alex only entertains the kiss for another second, before he pulls away and to stop your lips from following his again, he holds your jaw, “If you keep kissing me, we’re not going to make it another minute.”

You’re so breathless you barely understand what he means. But as you take a minute to get some oxygen back into your system you realise what you’ve done and god you want to lock yourself up and throw away the key.

“I’m sorry.” You swallow, looking away from his gaze.

“Don’t apologise.” Alex shakes his head, and you note he’s just as out of breath as you. And he gently readjusts your bikini so it’s covering your modesty again as he says, “We agreed on your rule, sweet, don’t wanna break it on day one now, do we?”

It’s his smirk that he gives you as he says the end of that which makes you say, “You’re a bully.”

Because he’s got you all hot and bothered, only to completely edge you and use ‘your rule’ as an excuse to leave you right on the brink. God you could absolutely throttle him. But knowing Alex, he’d enjoy it, so you keep your hands to yourself.

The singer just laughs, “You love it.” And he taps your arse under the water to prompt you to stand up so he can too.

Jesus Christ it’s only now that you realise how perishing the cold is, you practically jump out of the tub and run for your dressing gown before heading to the door. And you’re kind enough to hold the door open for Alex as he wraps his towel around his shoulders.

It’s only now that you gulp seeing just how little the swim shorts disguise his erection. Standing at attention is an understatement, and there’s a little spark of pride that scorches your blood knowing you’ve caused that.

You don’t let your eyes linger, but you know from the smug smirk on his face as he walks through the door that he’s caught you looking. And the prick opens his mouth, probably to bully you once more but you beat him to it as you close and lock the balcony door.

“You don’t care about the rule, why’d you stop when I was clearly enjoying myself?” You ask as you follow him to the door to your room.

“Because you were dead set about not wanting to before we came.” Alex tells you sincerely, and you can’t help your heart from warming that little bit as he looks you in the eye and says, “I don’t want you regretting anything between us.”

Swallowing down the smile you want to plaster all over your face, you tell him, “I don’t regret what just happened, for the record.”

“Good.” Alex smiles, walking the last few steps to your door. And the singer is about to open it before he pauses, turns back and tells you, “Oh, and don’t get yourself off.”

Immediately you frown a little. It’s a miracle your words don’t come out as a scoff, “Don’t think you have that authority.”

The smirk that comes to those pretty swollen lips and the way his eyes darken is something that needs capturing in a museum. Fucking hell it’s definitely banked away in a certain area of your mind.

“I could just fuck you now if you’re going to do that.” Alex raises his eyebrows, and you can tell he’so putting the offer out there.

But after him saying it’s only day one, you’re definitely not giving in now. A week without fucking him. You can do it. You just can’t fucking slip up again. How embarrassing of you to have given in to your temptations only mere hours after your holiday began.

Alex seems to understand your thoughts entirely so he quickly saves himself from a scolding, “Think of it as being edged instead, don’t touch yourself. It’ll make next week more fun.”

Your still fucking throbbing for him, aching isn’t even the right word for the need for relief you’re feeling. It looks like your bullet won’t be being used while you’re away after all. But if you’re showing restraint, you certainly won’t be the only one.

You nod, the corner of your lips tugging up a little seeing Alex smile down at you and as he reaches from the door handle to let himself out, you surprise him by saying, “Don’t touch yourself either then.”

He looks at you again, his eyes entirely full of surprise that you’ve given him an order. But he’ll do it for you. He won’t be a double standard, so he agrees.

Although when he opens the door and takes a step out, and you tell him, “Go get a cold shower.” He loves your brattiness.

“Could share one of those?” Alex offers as he takes a step back towards you, his eyes bright and full of mischief as he smirks down at you.

All you can think is, And end up having a repeat of the first time you were in the shower with him? No chance.

“See you tomorrow, Alex.” You smile, placing a hand on his bare chest and pushing him towards the door perpendicular to yours.

Alex chuckles, blowing you a teasing kiss, “Goodnight, sweet.”

~*~*~*~ January 4th 2019 ~*~*~*~

To say that the next couple of days were positively torturous would be a massive understatement. The cold shower you had after Alex left your room that first night didn’t do much to calm you down, the ache between your thighs didn’t disappear until well into the night of you tossing and turning in bed.

At one point you were ready to march into his room and tell him how unfair it is to leave you on edge like that, and that it was unfair because you’d be so pent up that you’d have a miserable holiday. But then you’d realise you’d see the singer's smug smirk and he’d say something along the lines of, ‘You’re so greedy that you come begging me to get you off, is that it? You can’t go even a few hours without me, can you not? You poor sweet thing.’

So you chose to stay warm in bed, following his direction of not getting yourself off and you eventually fall asleep. You swear though that if he got himself off and didn’t stick through this with you, you’d be absolutely fuming.

And you can’t help but be pleased when Alex eventually joins you all for breakfast the next morning, and he made a thunderstorm look appealing. ‘In a mood’ would be an understatement. The singer looked like he hadn’t slept a wink, he hadn't even bothered with his hair, it was still dishevelled, and his glum, tired face had a smile tugging on your lips.

Good. You like knowing you’re not the only one who felt absolutely tortured.

You had to hide your smirk by taking a drink of your orange juice, sipping it through the straw as your eyes linger on the singer who looks like he could commit a murder if his breakfast was served wrong. Clearly though, you’re not being as slick as you thought you were hiding your amusement by taking a drink because when Alex’s eyes lock with yours he sees the knowing in them.

Instead of shying away from him though, you stare straight into his eyes and let your smirk show when you pull your drink out. You even raise your eyebrows at him entirely enthralled that he looks so much worse than you this morning. Looks like it’ll be cold showers for him for the foreseeable future.

Alex couldn’t help but find you equally as amusing that morning at breakfast. The smile stayed on your face for the entirety of your meal and he could tell that seeing him so affected by the lack of your company had somehow boosted your confidence. So, pent up he may be, but he’d suffer in silence for as long as he needed to see that smug look on your face once more.

Alex made sure his teasing continued throughout that day and the next. His flirting and lingering looks had you more on edge than usual thanks to the fact you felt entirely touch-starved, but you couldn’t deny that he had your heart racing.

On the slopes he would sometimes wait for you if he wasn’t racing the boys or Flo down the mountain, to make sure you got down alright and there would be flirting when you’d stopped at the cafe’s that were half way down the slope. And he had you buy him the promised drinks that made you come on this holiday in the first place so you were happy keeping your end of that bargain.

He really made you smile today when you had a bit of a fall on the slope. He watched you fall but he stopped right beside you and made sure you were okay before getting you back to your feet and he went down the slope as by your side as he could get. And when you both reached the bottom, he played into checking you over, being cheeky and saying he’d have to get the layers off you to make a complete and thorough check. Something which of course you rolled your eyes at but you couldn’t keep the smile from your face.

When you walked out of your room each night dressed to go for dinner he told you how gorgeous you looked in your dress when he saw you, whether that be him stepping out of his room at the same time coincidentally or when you walked down with Katie and he was waiting for you with the other lads. Tonight was the latter and the way he looked you up and down made you feel all tingly inside.

And this evening at dinner he sat beside you and when you were waiting between courses, Alex rested his hand on your thigh, and it wasn’t at all to try and rile you, he seemed to just want to be affectionate. And Flo is right, why would you deny yourself that pleasure.

You know you’re nowhere near a relationship, or possibly even heading into that direction. But this fun you’re having with him, it doesn’t mean you can’t take comfort from the small meaningful gestures that you’ve found that you’ve missed since your last relationship.

So yes, you’ve adored the flirting, and matched his energy entirely by giving him back as much as good as you’ve got which grants you access to that cheeky smirk you’re starting to love being the cause of. You pretend like your heart doesn’t do something stupid when he’s affectionate and you’ll continue to act like you aren’t dying for him to touch you and kiss you and fuck you until you’re back home.

And all of this is the reason why right now, you’re absolutely seething at yourself. Why you’re now at this bar, side-eyeing the man who’s had you at whit's end for the past few days wanting god to do you a favour and stop what you’re seeing.

You hate it, you absolutely hate it. Seeing Alex’s hand on her hip, the way he smiles at her as she’s talking, and the way he’s making this random girl laugh.

It’s been at least 15 minutes now since he went up to the bar to get himself another drink and left your group at the few standing tables in the corner which you’d all claimed. And when you looked over after 5 minutes of him disappearing, you saw him at the bar talking away with possibly the most gorgeous woman you’d ever seen.

Intimidated isn’t even the word you could use to compare yourself to the stunning woman. She’s just everything you’re not. Clearly she's confident to speak to a stranger normally and not at 100 miles per hour because she’s nervous. She’s absolutely gorgeous with the complete opposite hair colour and style to yours, and her dress accentuates all of her features perfectly, leaving little to everyone’s imagination but she’s so gorgeous and fearlessly self assured, there’s no way you could possibly compete with a woman like her.

Your chest sinks because it’s so easy for you to realise just how jealous of this woman you are. Not just because she holds Alex’s attention and you want that back for yourself, you’re just hit with that intimidatingly jealous feeling you’ve not experienced for such a long time. And it’s such a dirty feeling, you really judge yourself for it.

Because you’re well aware you’re not in a relationship with the singer. Yes you’re fucking each other but he could easily call that off at any point, especially on holiday when you’ve established you’re not sleeping with each other and that will make your self esteem plummet and not to be dramatic but you’ll more than likely never put yourself out there again, and you think that is valid enough if that’s how this night ended.

To make it worse, the ladies you’re with, your close friends can clearly see that you’re slipping into a foul mood. A few times you’ve been asked what’s wrong, and you’d have to tune back into conversations and plaster a fake smile on your face because you’ve got so stupidly in your head about all of this.

It was only when Katie followed your gaze to the bar did she realise what was making you slip into a bad mood. On the down low, when Kirsten and Flo were having their own conversation, Katie said, “Y/N/N?”

“Hmm?” You hum, tearing your eyes away from a laughing Alex and the stunning woman.

You look at your best friend as she seriously asks, “What are you waiting for?”

Immediately, you’re confused, “What?”

Katie can’t help but laugh to herself a little as you’re being so blatantly obvious to her. And she can’t lie, she secretly loves seeing you jealous, because she’s never witnessed it before. And the mere fact you’re being silently possessive over Alex is all the more amusing to her.

“Just go and get him.” She encourages you, seeing that you’re holding your glass of wine that little bit too tight.

She understands that you’re probably that bit more jealous too because you are bordering on being a little bit drunk. Your tolerance is slightly better than hers and she knows that you’ve drank near enough the same amount so she’s very aware how your thoughts are probably being manipulated by the alcohol.

“No, if he wants to play he can,” You tell her and put on a brave face, turning away from him now in an attempt to not shoot daggers at him with your eyes, “He just won’t be getting me again afterwards.”

And you mean it. You won’t get caught up in that STD mess waiting to happen. Condoms or not. It’s a no from you.

You drink with the girls a bit more then, the other lads make you laugh too but after a few minutes you become all too aware again that there’s a missing piece. And it’s like a wound to the chest when you see he’s still there talking to that woman and they seem to be standing that little bit closer, smiles still on both of their faces.

Something about it hurts, and not due to the fact he’s being flirted with. It mostly gets to you because he’s being so kind to someone he’s just met and you only got that side of him after a ten years and only when you called him out for his behaviour. It makes your heart sink a little, you just don’t know why he wasn’t ever this friendly toward you when you were first introduced, yet he can be so kind, smiley, and flirty to a complete stranger.

Up until 6 months ago, Alex would barely hold a conversation with you and something about that always hurt. The effort you’d make only for it to go unreciprocated when he probably knew how much it took for you to not be socially awkward around him. It’s a blow to your chest and to your ego.

And to make it worst, he’s flirting with this girl as if you haven’t been fucking each other for a month and he didn’t almost fuck you in the hot tub the other night. As if the bruises he left on your thighs aren’t still very prominent and he didn’t edge you, leaving you craving every little bit of him for the last two days. And now he’s flirting with someone that isn’t you.

And you can’t even blame the woman for flirting with him. He looks impeccable this evening. He’s in a black suit with a black shirt and he looks incredible. Like you’d do just about anything for him to pull you aside in this darkened bar and for him to whisper filthy promises in your ear before his lips find yours and he takes your breath away all over again.

But you’re not so lucky. And your mood worsens when you see the bartender come back with two drinks in his hands and he places them in front of the pair. But it’s when Alex gets his card out and seemingly pays for both does your heart drop.

Has he just fucking bought her a drink?

You blink a few times and force yourself to look away. The feeling that’s settled in your stomach not being one that you want to ever be feeling. Jealousy is such an ugly emotion and you wish it wasn’t running through your veins right now so you try and breath through it, letting the thoughts pass you by as quickly as they come.

The people that know you best though, can see you’ve sort of checked out from the conversations surrounding you, and you’re staring out of the window at the snow that’s beginning to gently fall. Your best friend knows it’s not the same zoned out as you were awestruck when you first arrived on this holiday though, it’s due to you being in your head because of the man at the bar.

And it seems Katie isn’t the only one, because Flo asks Mrs Cook quietly, “Should I go tell him?”

Katie notes that she nods over towards the bar, but your best friend immediately shakes her head.

“No,” She tells her, “Let him dig his own grave.”

Because after everything last year, she wants Alex to prove himself worthy of having her best friend. She knows you deserve something good, and despite being 99% sure that Alex is just being polite to a fan at the bar, she wants him to prove that he wouldn’t ruin this good thing that you both have going for the sake of another woman who could pass as a model.

So Katie distracts you, getting another glass of wine down you is easy to do and she has you giggling with her and Flo again.

While you adore your friends for their distraction tactics, Alex and the stunning woman linger in your mind, and you feel like you need a second to quieten those intrusive thoughts. So you head to the toilet in hopes to clear your head but when you hold the sink and look at your reflection the clarity that hits you is that you’re drunk and probably (most definitely) overreacting, and you just find yourself wanting to close your eyes.

So that’s why when you make your way back to your friends, who Alex is still not with, you decide your night is done.

“Guys, I’m going to head back.” You tell all of them, “The wine has gone to my head and I’m so tired after today.”

Each and every one of their faces fall and they all start a little bit of a commotion, shaking their heads and shout over each other drunkenly pleading with you not to go. But it’s a singer who is the one that complains the loudest.

“Noooo come on, Y/N/N.” Miles throws an arm around your shoulder, pulling you into him as he says, “Party with us.”

You smile at him but there’s no way you’ll be giving in. You need your bed. And to get away from Alex and the stunning woman taking all of his attention at the bar.

“Miles, you saw the fall I had earlier today,” You almost wince at the memory, “I’m knackered and just wanna get in bed so I’m good again tomorrow.”

“I’ll walk you back.” Jamie offers but immediately you shake your head, having none of it.

“No, you’re having a great time, stay out. Have fun.” You smile, giving him a look to say ‘do not put on your coat’ as you put on your own.

You’ll be perfectly fine getting back by yourself, everywhere is lit well enough to make the 5 minute walk back feel safe. And you could certainly use the time to clear your head.

So you just smirk, wrapping your coat around you and downing the last of your white wine. And you grin, “I'll see you all hungover for breakfast in the morning.”

They all laugh at your little joke, knowing it’ll more than likely come to fruition, before they pull you into hugs goodbye. Flo, you realise, gives the best hugs out in the group, and she holds you tightly as she whispers in your ear, “Are you sure?”

You don’t hesitate to nod, “Positive.”

She pouts a little as you pull away from the hug but you give her a kiss on the cheek and tell her to have another drink for you which makes her giggle and she promises she will. And then the only person left over here you have to hug is your very drunk best friend, and Katie all but smothers you with her bear hug.

God you adore your best friend so much. Or you do until she easily reads between the lines and questions your actions.

“This isn’t to do with Alex, is it?” She asks, pouting like she’s both angry and upset, “Because you can’t let him spoil your fun.”

You hate that she knows you so well, but wanting to go back to your hotel room is only marginally to do with Alex at this point. You know if you drank anymore tonight you’d be worse for wear tomorrow and you don’t want to ruin this precious holiday by staying in your room wanting to throw up.

“No, I'm just tired.” You lie, trying not to even think about the fact that Alex not really giving you any attention and flirting with another girl was what triggered your bad mood in the first place. You tell her, “I just wanna get some sleep.”

“Okay queen.” Katie nods before she pulls back and she looks into your eyes to seriously tell you, “Text me as soon as you get back to the hotel, okay?”

“I will.” You promise her and after she gives you another hug, you turn to leave.

You avoid looking anywhere near the bar even though you have to pass it to leave, but you’re quick and you leave out of the side doors and make it down the stairs fairly quickly. The automatic doors expose you to the cold air quickly and you’re so thankful you chose your long, navy dress this evening, even if you were regretting the slit in it that comes up to just above your knee when the wind hits you.

Thankfully, your ‘going out coat’ is a long one, coming down to just past your knees, and would retain most of your body heat, so as you walk towards the doors you start to slowly button it up. But your buttons aren’t cooperating, they won't go through the bloody buttonhole. Clearly nothing wants to go right for you this evening.

And you end up not paying attention to where you’re going as you walk out of the bar, you don’t realise that the smoking areas out front has gotten busier so you end up turning to head back to your hotel and you bump into someone at quite a little bit of force. Immediately, you end up almost slipping too, not realising that the ground has become slippy too thanks to the fresh snow landing and melting. But before you fall arse over tit, you're saved by your own victim. The poor man you bumped into.

“Oh god, I’m so sorry.” You say as you grab onto his tattooed arm that stabled you.

And it’s only when you’re sure you’re steady on your feet do you look at the exquisite man. A gasp almost leaves your mouth at just how attractive he is. The strong jawline, the short black hair, the sun kissed skin, and possibly the most stunning eyes you’ve ever seen in your entire life. They are such a gorgeous shade of blue they almost look purple, and God, you half wish you could stare into them all night.

“No worries,” The man holding your arm says, and once he’s satisfied you can stand properly again, his eyes drop to take you in.

It makes you feel like your heart is in your throat for the two seconds he checks you out, but under the stare of those gorgeous eyes, it feels like it lasts an age. You can’t help watching as a small smirk forms on his lips, clearly pleased with what he sees and when his eyes meet yours again, you feel like your knees could fall from under you again if he wasn’t still holding you up. He’s dream worthy.

His fingers move down your wrist and he gently comes to squeeze your hand as he smirks but endearingly says, “Careful darling.”

Immediately, the pet name makes you flush, and under his gaze you feel like you’re vibrating somehow, and you realise just how badly you need to get yourself back to your hotel. So to not make a fool out of yourself again, you cut the situation short.

“Thank you.” You give him a gracious smile and a small nod of your head before turning towards your hotel and safely begin to rush off.

In your peripherals, you see the two other men that the stunning man was accompanied by and you’re glad you didn’t interact with them too, because they look just as attractive as their friend. You’d surely crumble under their gazes and start awkwardly chatting their ears off so you’re pleased to get away from both them and that bar.

At least this gives your drunk mind a quick distraction from wondering what Alex and that girl are currently up to. You try not to think about how cosy they might have got or if either of them have made a move. No, you’d rather think about your embarrassing encounter with a model worthy guy who then checked you out and you said thank you to him.

Thank you? God, you’re so fucking stupid for saying thank you Y/N/N, that doesn’t even make sense. Thank you for me bumping into you and being so kind about it? What was the thank you for? Silly bitch.

God you really need to get to sleep. Your brain is absolutely spinning.

Instead you find yourself focussing on the crunch of snow under your boots, how you can see your breath in front of you. And the gentle light coming from the lampposts illuminates the snow that’s slowly falling from the sky and you can’t help but think that it’s so beautiful despite it being so cold.

Finally you manage to do up the buttons of your coat and your hands are stuffed in your pockets as you carry on walking. But it’s only a few seconds later, you hear your name being shouted behind you. You think you’re hearing things so you don’t stop walking, but then you hear someone running behind you and a gentle call of, “Sweet.” As he begins to slow down.

Alex is out of breath by the time he’s beside you, and a gentle hand on your arm stops you from walking. A mixture of emotions runs through you in that moment, happy that he’s not with that girl anymore is certainly one of them, but annoyance at him for him even flirting with someone else hits you all over again.

And it just makes your mood worse, because you absolutely despise being jealous. You hate it. You hate the tightness in your chest and you hate the way you start to second guess everything. And you don’t think you should be second guessing if you’re good enough.

But you keep all of that to yourself, not wanting to annoy Alex or appear jealous or be overbearing. You’re just drunk and you need to get over yourself.

“Sweet.” Alex says a little out of breath, “What’s wrong?”

“Absolutely nothing.” You say more flatly than you meant to and turn to carry on walking to the hotel.

You’d scorn yourself for it, but you’re glad Alex doesn’t pick up on your tone. He just follows after you, falling into step as he asks, “Why are you leaving so early?”

“It’s almost one Alex,” You tell him, “I’m tired.”

You’re certainly not telling him that he’s a part of the reason you’re leaving. Even if he has finally given someone else the time of day for a brief minute tonight.

Trying not to focus on the mixed emotions cursing through you, you end up telling the singer, “You don’t have to walk me back, go back to the bar.”

“And let you walk back on your own at one in the morning?” Alex frowns down at you, “I don’t think so.”

You shake your head slightly at that, knowing he’s just doing that because of the story you told him about how you don’t like to walk alone at night. But you don’t want him here solely because of that. “I don’t need your pity.”

“There’s no pity, I’m just not a dickhead, sweet.” Alex’s smile then turns into a smirk as he throws his arm around your shoulders and he pulls you against him, “Now let me keep you warm.”

Your chest feels lighter somehow at his actions, and it makes you feel all gooey and smiley inside. But your brain is telling you to keep a hard exterior after what you witnessed tonight, so you try and brush him off, “Al, I’m fine.”

But the singer is having none of it. He just holds you tighter teases, “You’re moody.”

“I’m tired.” You correct him, even though you’re lying through your teeth.

“With your little rule, I thought you would have been reserving more energy.” Alex smirks, not being able to pass on the opportunity to torture you that little bit more.

You don’t mute your scoff at that, and decide that silence is what he deserves after that comment and him flirting with someone else all evening. And it hits you all over again how up until a few months ago you’d only get silence and sneers from him, but that woman at the bar instantly got smiles and flirting. It makes you want to push his arm off your shoulder and you fall silent again.

It’s confusing. Wanting to scold him but then also lean into him and accept the joy the simple pleasure of him hugging you brings you. And you’re feeling it all at once. You don’t understand it and don’t really know how to process it.

Sleep. You need sleep.

With his free hand, Alex digs into his coat pocket and pulls out his gloves, noticing you’re shivering, “Here take these.”

“Thank you.” You accept them quietly and graciously and don’t waste much time putting them on, even if they are too big for you.

Alex smiles once you have them on, and he squeezes your shoulder that bit tighter as he grins, “They suit you.”

“Bit big, but I'll take it.” You shrug a little, and give him a bit of a smile so you don’t look like a colossal bitch. It was a kind gesture after all.

Alex grins back down, his eyes bright as he says with a knowing look, “Well, you know what they say about big hands, sweet.”

Holding your own smile back, you fake a roll of your eyes and look away from him, “You’re not funny.”

“What?” Alex asks, faking innocence but smirking, “Just big gloves, nothing untoward.”

You share an amused look then, both looking into each other's eyes and knowing for certain that was not what he was meaning. In those few seconds though, you can’t help but notice how gorgeous he looks, with the snow falling down around him, a few flakes having found home in his hair and he just looks so pretty and happy.

You always want to look at him and see that cheeky smile looking back down at you. It makes you feel all warm inside.

But then that crude sense of humour has to go and ruin the moment.

“Anyway,” He smirks, “You already know how big I am. I don't think I need to remind you just yet.”

The way your cheeks heat up immediately is almost as embarrassing as the way your gaze snaps away from his. You just try to act nonchalant about it, shaking your head, “Way to lower the tone.”

“I think it was your dirty mind that lowered the tone, sweet.” Alex laughs and he has you giggling along with him.

It doesn’t take long to get back to the hotel, and you walk in a comfortable silence with your head finally not filled with everything to do with the bar. You just enjoy having his attention back, and that he keeps pulling you back into him, and rubbing the top of your arm in an effort to keep you warm.

You expect the singer to walk you into the lobby and bid you goodnight there before he heads back out to your other friends. But he surprises you, stepping into the lift with you and even when you’re going up to your floor he keeps his arm around you like he doesn’t want to let you go.

“Thank you for walking me back, you really didn’t have to.” You tell him after he walks you to your door and you get your keycard out of your pocket.

Only when you look at him again does he tell you, “Stop thanking me for being a decent human being.”

You smile at him for a second there, and it is a truly grateful one. Despite everything tonight, you really are thankful he came back with you. If not for your safety, but then at least for your peace of mind about what he was up to when you left. Your chest fills with the hatred of the jealousy you’re feeling once more.

But it’s like the man looking at you can somehow read your emotions. Because he once again flips them on their head when he takes you in again and sees how gorgeous you look in that navy dress and the way it hugs you.

He seems a little breathless as he says, “You really do look incredible tonight by the way.”

You look down at yourself, really not thinking you looked anything more than presentable tonight. But two men have checked you out this evening and seemed pleased with what they saw, and you know Alex well enough now to know that he doesn’t just say these things, he actually means them.

“I- Thank you.” You stumble for a second, but gladly take the compliment.

As you turn to open your door, Alex takes a step towards his, which makes you frown. He’s going to bed?

“You can go back out, you know?” You say before he even takes another step.

You don’t really understand why he’d be going to his room when he could go back out and have a good time with either your friends or the stunning woman he was chatting to. Surely he didn’t just leave because you did?

Alex shrugs, and takes a step back towards you, “Don’t want to.”

“Why?” You can’t help but question, “Looked like you were having a good time.”

“Not that good, I wasn’t spending it with you.” Alex shamelessly flirts as he comes to stand right beside you again, hoping to see you get all flustered.

He adores being the cause of it, and he even likes when you run your mouth back at him and flirt with him too. It makes him happier than he should admit to himself at this point in your little arrangement. But you shock him completely and don’t do either of those things.

No, instead Alex watches as you tense slightly and you become ridged. The smile falling from your face entirely.

“You knew where I was.” You shrug, not knowing what more you could have done. It’s not like you could go up to him and demand his attention, or steal him away and he figures out why and he teases you for it.

You just turn back towards your door and mumble under your breath as you put the card in, “Besides, it seems that you found her quite interesting.”

This has Alex smirking, possibly the biggest he ever has. Not that you can see that smirk as you’re still fumbling about with your keycard and putting it in the door the wrong way. So it gives him a little time to compose himself enough that you won’t hate him when he gets you to look at him again.

You’re jealous. Hence the mood, short replies, and the pout that was just seeping onto your face… It all makes perfect sense now.

Alex tones his smirk down into a slight grin before he get your attention again, “Sweet?”

“What?” You ask, just about managing to open your door before you turn back to him.

And it’s only when you do, you see the way he’s looking at you. His amusement is clear to see, but he doesn’t say anything. He just takes a step close to you, and before you really know it his lips are on yours and he gently eases you backwards until your back is against the heavy door you’ve not opened more than an inch.

It’s a sweet kiss, full of longing and care and words you’ve both yet to say. And the way he gently holds your waist, pulling you against him now, his arm running inside your coat and around your back so he can press you fully against him as his lips move in sync with yours. His hand on your jaw moves that bit higher, so his thumb can caress your cheek and you think this might be the sweetest kiss you’ve ever shared.

It’s gentle and full of emotion, even when his tongue finds home with yours. It makes the both of you hot despite both of your lips softly moving together. Something about it runs deeper, like he’s trying to tell you something without explicitly coming out with it.

His hold on your waist gets that bit tighter which has you melting into him. Unable to stop yourself, you also let out a tiny hum of bliss against his lips and you hold his coat in your fist that bit tighter. This is what you’ve been after all night. This is what you’ve been craving. Him and every last bit of him.

Even when the kiss comes to its natural end, you wish it wasn’t finished. And you’re glad that it doesn’t seem to be. But the man who makes your heart skip a beat says something you really aren’t expecting.

“I’m only interested in sleeping with you.” Alex tells you, before he leaves you with one last breathless kiss.

~*~*~*~*~*~

A/N: What did you think?!?!? NRIACC bestiesssss!! How was it seeing Wheels again?! She's my multiverse I had to hahaha! But how bloody cute are Sweet and Alex, god I adore them so so much. Until next time besties x

Taglist: @alovesreading @kennedy-brooke @red---moon @ladydraculasthings @mrsschw4rtz @quicksilvers3000 @indierockgirrl @heartachenurse @bellaturner @am-monkey @alexturnersmommy @anxiousbeech @cassettecarter @malina-33 @yourorganiccigarette @clownrrai @harleyql @jeonxjinxed @andrews-lovr @justacaliforniandreamer @missbabyjay @hdebay @mirrorbvii @olliemybeloved777 @kaybee87 @simpfortoomanymen @inmyownfantasywrld @ohladymoon @findmeincorneliastreet @faveficz @parkerizzy @thereisaplaceintheheart @hazskillerqueen @bai-wuxiangs-mask @froileinuhrwerk @turnerxtuned @inmyownfantasywrld @missbabyjay @regenerationlottery @heartachenurse @cassettecarter @cylodja @aghsed @harleyql @littlemissthunderstorms @thenightslikeawhiirlwind @not-a-big-slay @raven-ql @minigods @indierockgirrl @yourfwn @frigidbaboon @kittyrob0t @certifiedmindbl0wer

Let me know if you want to be added to the Taglist x

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she-posts-nerdy-stuff · 7 months

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Hi lovelies, I know I reblogged a post about the S&B news earlier but I just want to put my own words out here real quick.

I’m slightly late writing this because I spent the last 30 minutes or so watching the wonderful wonderful wonderful brekkerbybrekker on Instagram live and it was honestly just a full half hour or me crying whilst I watched her cry. I feel like we all know her but if anyone doesn’t she’s on insta and tiktok and she’s absolutely brilliant so do go give her a follow.

The Grishaverse has been part of my life actually for only 2 years, nearly 2 1/2, and I say only because I feel like I have been part of this world forever. I read Six of Crows in May 2021 and I had finished reading the series by September. I think it was in June that I started watching the TV show, after I’d read the first Shadow and Bone book. So although I read the books first, or in the case of S&B the books that were relevant to the season, I have never existed in this fandom - and definitely not as an active part of it - without the show there. And really the main thing I want to say is please please please don’t let this fandom end because we don’t have the show anymore. I know it existed before me but I also know that we got a lot more traction because of the show, you can see that in the way the popularity of it spiked before the release of season 2, and I don’t want to lose this because I love it here so damn much. It really hurts that we won’t be able to see our beloved, wonderful cast in all the futures we’d hoped for, and I really hope they know just how much we love them. This is a difficult revelation, but we will continue on together because we are a strong and wonderful community joined by such genuine love for such a beautiful series of novels.

Over the next few days I’m planning on reblogging the analyses of season 2 that I posted in March so if you’ve joined me since then (which I think a lot of you have since we’re so close to 1.3k thank you all so much) and haven’t read them then give them a look because I really think there’s so much wonderfulness to celebrate about that show and that’s what we need to keep doing now. I also might end up writing some new analyses of the show since I will almost definitely be rewatching it.

Deep down, I honestly really thought we were gonna make it

I know that not everyone will get why this provoked an emotional response from me and that’s okay, but please don’t be disrespectful of the fact that it did 🖤

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eirikrjs · 9 months

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UPDATE 9/2/23

Wow, it's almost fall and I'm still kickin', so here's a proper update about what's been going on with me. I do feel great most days, and with Halloween in season around the US, it makes me very happy. As far as stroke recovery goes, my leg has a newly made brace and my walking in general has greatly improved the past few months. I really don't roll my left foot anymore, in other words, my foot can go flat instead of landing on the ankle and possibly causing injury.

My arm is still mostly nothing but a couple weeks back I was able to move my shoulder again so there's hope. I also got a home electrical stimulation device so I give my arm and hand a jolt for an hour everyday. With time, I feel confident i'll recover.

A great help with my recovery has been the amazing @dagdasgoddess , a fellow young stroke survivor who has been watching out for me and offering encouragement every day for a couple months now, exactly when I needed it. Mentally, stroke recovery is pretty damn tough but most days I feel positive about it, with great thanks to her.

And now on to some business. Shortly before my stroke I was planning on celebrating the 10th anniversary of my blog (which would have been in December of last year, but I was still in the hospital, obviously...) And one of the things I was going to do was photograph and review all the smt demon figures I have, using my special diorama table. I got around to starting the project a couple weeks before the stroke, naturally starting with the Leonard figure. Here's one of the pics:

I also made something of an anniversary banner, just because, I guess:

I also want to talk about some milestones reached, starting with some follower counts. By December last year I finally surpassed 2k followers, so thank you so very much. This is after Kanekos Crib Notes quickly dwarfed my own blog followers shortly after its establishment in like 2014. But now my own blog is even ahead of kcn, as undoubtedly its current annual schedule limits its growth and reach. (But hey, it's almost October, aka KCN MONTH)

The last milestone is above: my Stealing Knowledge blogger has reached half a million views! Unbelievable, thanks for reading and sharing over the years! Identity crisis part 3 remains the most viewed, with over 50k on its own.

Finally, I want to talk about the future. Another 10th anniversary plan was to try and monetize the blog somehow, probably via a Patreon for new articles and such and many other ideas, maybe even doing YouTube videos to answer asks instead of them being all text. I have lots of other ideas too, but they'll have to wait until my arm works again. So instead of monetizing the future, for now I'm just going to ask y'all kindly to chip in for the blog's past. I'm amazed at how much activity the blog still generates from--let's call it "legacy content".

To that end, I have set myself up a kofi account where you can show your appreciation for that "legacy", kuwabara, kuwabara, if you'd like. All money earned will go towards paying down bills accrued during my recovery, like my hyperbaric treatments. In perfect honesty, it's been around 3000 US dollars so far. Don't feel obligated to contribute and thank you all for still sticking around with me despite my relative inactivity. And if course, continue keeping @sorenblr busy if you wish.

I would also not expect my own recovery before next year, that's just stroke for you. Thank you all!!!!!

p.s. I was featured as a stroke survivor again on another therapy facebook post:

#the stroke #megaten #shin megami tensei #leonard #stealing knowledge #volgin #the philosophers' legacy

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shiro-s2e2-erukinzu · 8 months

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Anime only watchers and people who aren't caught up with the Manga, BEWARE... Cuz I'm about to discuss Spy X Family Mission 88... You have been warned...! 👌

[SPOILERS AHEAD FROM THIS POINT ON]

OMG...!! 😍 THIS WAS SUCH AN ADORABLE CHAPTER FOR THE MANGA TO RETURN WITH...!!! 💗😆💗

We had to wait a month and a half for this chapter, and I think that it DELIVERED!! 😁 So let's talk about it, shall we...? 😊

This chapter begins with a plot line that's been brewing since Mission 61...

THAT'S RIGHT!! 😆 DAMIAN IS FINALLY GONNA GIVE ANYA THE CAKES THAT HE PROMISED HER!! 😁

And it only took 27 chapters for Damian to accomplish this...!! 😌 I honestly just love how Endo does stuff like this, where he brings something back up a bunch of chapters later (even if it's the smallest detail imaginable...!! 😊)

But moving on, we get something that I did not expect to see...:

ANYA DRAWN IN THE FREAKING SHOJO ART STYLE!! I JUST-- I JUST CAN'T...!! 🤣🤣🤣

This is one of the best and funniest things I've ever seen in Spy X Family, and I honestly can't wait until THIS gets animated...!! 😆

After spotting his dream girl from afar, Damian tries to give her the cakes that he promised, but...

There is just too many people around for him to give Anya the goods...! And with Anya overhearing his thoughts about giving her the cakes (but not fully understanding why Damian wants to give them to her in secret), she devises a plan to meet with Damian in the courtyard...!

And after receiving a seemingly bloody message from Anya, Damian agrees to head to the courtyard with her...

But as you can see, Becky, Emile and Ewen decided to follow them...!! 😅 So Damian and Anya decide to BOOK IT, while the others follow suit!!! 😆

After getting chased around for awhile, Damian determines that he's done with this shit and ultimately decides to just throw away the cakes (which Anya hears), and then...:

ANYA, ARE TRYING TO KILL DAMIAN...!? 🤣 HIS LITTLE HEART CAN'T TAKE IT...!! 🤭

Honestly though, this whole page is just so adorable (even if Anya is only doing this for the cakes...!! 💗😄💗)

Anyway, because they were so wrapped up this cake situation, Damian and Anya didn't realize that a wild Henderson has appeared to scold them for missing the the bell...!

Now the two of them have to stay after school, but it isn't all bad...:

After finishing writing their apologies, THE G.O.A.T., Mr. Henderson, offers to have some tea and cakes with Damian and Anya...!! 😁

Then, Mr. Henderson asks Damian about the cakes, and get this little flashback...:

HMMMMMMM..... 🤔

This flashback just makes me continue to be suspicious of Melinda... 😤

But, anyway... To end things off, Damian questions why Anya wanted to meet with him in the first place, and well...:

THESE TWO I SWEAR!!👏🤣👏🤣👏🤣👏🤣

And that was Mission 88, a really fun chapter to get us back into the swing of things...!! 😆

I'm pretty sure a lot of us were expecting something big to happen this chapter (like how I was hoping for Yor's full backstory because season 2 of the anime started), but it didn't, and I'm okay with that...! I'm just glad that we finally got another chapter of this amazing series to talk about...!! 😊 And though that month and a half long break was killing me (I mean, I had Undead Unluck to read in meantime), I just hope that Endo got some well deserved rest!! 💗🤗💗

Also, that flashback with Melinda is just giving me red flags all over the place...!! 😵 I don't know if Donovan is the one telling her to do these things or if she's doing this to get to Anya herself, but everything that Melinda has done thus far has made me feel constantly uneasy... I just hope that she didn't do anything to those cakes that will harm Anya or her powers in any way...!! 😡

Well, that's pretty much all that I wanted say about this chapter, and like always, I can't wait for the next one!! 😆 So, until the next Mission... Take care, be safe out there and be kind to one another...!! LATER!! 👋😄

#spy x family #sxf #spyxfamily #spy x family manga #sxf manga #spyxfamily manga #Mission 88 #anya forger #damian desmond #becky blackbell #emile elman #ewen egeburg #henry henderson #ENDO STRAIGHT UP DREW ANYA IN THE SHOJO ART STYLE...!! 😆#THAT WAS FREAKING HILARIOUS!! 🤣#I am still very suspicious of Melinda...#I am PRAYING AND HOPING that Melinda didn't sneak something into those cakes...!!! 😩#Do not hurt my baby...!! 😡#manga spoilers

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writteninlunarlight-years · 1 month

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Let's Answer Some Questions~~

Hiya! So, I have gotten some good questions in my asks recently, and I will just hit them all at once instead of answering each person individually.

Is English your first language? Do you have an editor?

Yes, English is my first language! No, I do not have an editor. I have a speech impediment and dyslexia, so my writing can look a bit rough at times. I can speak pretty quickly and sound quite 'normal' (remember everyone, the term normal is a societal construct) in person; however, in terms of text, due to my dyslexia and speech issues, I struggle a lot and kinda sound like a terrible high school rough draft in my writing. I have used Grammarly Premium since college to help with my writing. Personally, I feel that if I let my disorders and issues prevent me from doing something I love, I would be a lot sadder of a person. My partner has offered to be my editor, but he doesn't know how consistently he could keep up with me. So please bear with me if you see any spelling or grammatical errors. I am trying my best!

2. When will you get to my request?

I promise I am working on them! To be candid with everyone, I am working on at least one request daily. However, as I stated above, I do have dyslexia; for me personally, focusing on words/letters for extended periods really hurts my head and can cause some migraines. Some days are significantly better than others. I know all disorders/ illnesses/issues look differently for every person, but for me, I tend to get terrible migraines, blurry vision, and dizziness when I make myself look at words too long. I do have glasses, though, and sometimes they help extend my time without the migraines, which is nice.

3. Do you do smut?

Yes, I do; if you notice, I am an 18+ account. HOWEVER, smut will not be written for Anons or for anyone who doesn't have an age in their blogs. I will also only follow people who include their age in their blogs. I hope that you who enjoy my content will respect my boundaries.

4. Why do you post only in the middle of the night?

Well, folks, for my North American followers, I am posting in the middle of the night because, well, I am, in fact, doing that. Like I said in my pinned post on my blog, I work nights at an office during the week. Due to this, my sleep schedule is the opposite of most people's. I post consistently for my followers outside North America during your daytime. So, to you guys, I look like a diligent, creative writer. All jokes aside, if my posting late at night is inconvenient, I recently learned the Queue feature and can begin to use that.

5. Will you add more to your writing list?

Yes, I would like to do so in the future. I am keeping it to just the fandoms I am hyper-fixated on. Once I have a new fixation, I will update the pinned post and ensure everyone knows I am writing for something else. Currently, I am big into League and Magic the Gathering. I am also waiting for the new season of Helluva Boss before I add those characters to my list. Thank you for being patient and waiting! If you have a suggestion for something I would hyper-fixate on and enjoy, please message me and let me know! I would love to get into some more things you guys enjoy!

This is a clarifier about my blog and person. I appreciate all the reblogs, hearts, and requests I have gotten. All of you are unique and sweet individuals. I plan to continue to produce stories good enough for the masses. Thank you! <3

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eriexplosion · 1 month

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Getting my finale predictions in before it airs.

Things I'm reasonably sure will happen:

Zillo Beast attack (obviously)

Emerie redemptive death (I don't want this to happen but I feel like she's got a lot to make up for and not much time)

I still don't think we're getting main character deaths, for a variety of factors (a big one being that Omega is worried about getting people killed and so more of her family dying to save her from a situation she put herself in would just validate that)

Continuation of that, Omega will demonstrate her character growth and play a big role in saving one of the batch, probably through some last minute connection with the force

Still think Tech is CX-2 we spent too much time on him this season for him to be irrelevant and no one else will have equal impact on the whole batch, especially Omega. Bringing him back will finally unite the batch and through that get them to a point where they can finally win something. This also pulls together the theme we've touched on this season that people can change no matter how far gone.

Things I just suspect/want:

Crosshair knows Tech is CX-2 and that's what he's been so cagey about. We know about the torture on Tantiss, we know they tried to turn him into a CX, but he still feels like he's holding something big back.

Couple other theories on CX-Tech: has all his limbs but his eyes are cybernetic having been damaged by his goggles, Phee brings back the line "better late than dead" because it feels like one just written to be a callback

Hemlock will survive the batch but all his research will be destroyed so he actually ends up killed by Palpatine for failing him in one last creepy appearance

Rampart betrays the batch and gets one last amazing scream in when the Zillo beast eats him. (Alternate possibility: he survives but is trapped alone on Wayland. In the distance we hear the Beasts. Maybe the Empire will bother to rescue him in 30 rotations. But probably not.)

The Commandos feel abnormally loyal to Hemlock so I'm curious if they're still chipped in some way - if they are, then maybe if they're unchipped they could start reforming Rex's resistance cell?

The batch helps to establish the path with the first people helped by it being our four force sensitive kids, which let's them leave soldiering behind while still actively resisting the Empire

Omega is given the choice to train in the force but actively decides that she would rather stay with her family, giving her a smaller and quieter future but one very in line with her character.

My biggest reason for having a pretty hopeful outlook is that a story needs both high and low points - we've definitely had MAJOR low points, especially in both the previous finales, but we've never really had a big win. Just little ones, small successes along the way but never anything that compares to the losses. If we get another big loss then the story stays flat, nothing ever Peaks and every single season ends on the same tone of loss. Three seasons of slogging towards a sad ending is a hell of a hard sell, especially since it doesn't really show Omega's growth.

She lost Kamino and Crosshair (again) in Return to Kamino. AZI sacrificed himself for her and only survived at all because someone else stepped in. She lost Tech in Plan 99, sacrificing himself for her again and she can't do anything about it.

So season three, do we really need to see her lose again? This time actively because of a choice she made? Does that show us anything about her growth? Or would her being Key to successfully not only getting everyone out alive (remember they're only there right now because of her) but in being able to bring Tech home and, for the first time all series, make their family whole?

This season has been sad, but it's also been about healing the scars of past seasons. Just look at Crosshair's arc. And CX-Tech brings us up to the biggest scar, the one that we've made no progress on healing, the one thing keeping them from being complete. If I'm wrong I'm wrong, but there's simply too much pointing to it for me to think anything else.

#the bad batch #the bad batch spoilers #tbb spoilers #the bad batch speculation

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grumelot123 · 5 months

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Crowley x Aziraphale Season 3 "Rejoice" (but it's really sad and angst, will be making a happy ending at some point though)

PART 1

"No but Crowley please I do love you"

(This whole thing is set like I don't know...a couple months after season 2 ending?? They haven't spoken, and Crowley is feeling pissy and petty, Aziraphale is feeling sad and sorry. And whatever her name is, the girl who is supposed to be guarding the bookshop just isn't there at that time i guess.) Sorry not sorry for spelling mistakes (AND I SWITCH THROUGH MULTIPLE POINT OF VIEWS THROUGH THE STORY??), and I'm going to repeat again this is ANGST and ,FOR. NOW. does not have a happy ending, I will make one if asked.

AZIRAPHALE'S POV!!

It was a late afternoon, let's say on a Sunday? I sit in my office doing absolutely nothing, for once. The rest of my day is cleared, although there may be problems in the upcoming hours, none now. What shall I do? Check on my dear Crowley of course. I've been "checking in" (not stalking or anything) on Crowley since day 1. As the days continued I've gathered a few bits of information. 1. Crowley hates me (Was spoken in a drunken spiel weeks ago) 2. Crowley has oddly drove past the bookshop everyday. 3. As soon as Crowley got home after the whole "i forgive you" deal, he burned all of the books inside of his household.

Now I get why he's done all this, I mean I would to I he were him. I mean. I hurt him. The one person who've I've never even been very cross with in my whole life I've hurt. Has I really lost mu best friend? I mean for somebody's sake, the man I LOVE? I think, with my free time today, maybe I should pay my dear Crowley a visit....

At first, I decided to go back to my beloved bookshop, it was almost the time that Crowley drove by everyday so maybe I'd catch him there? Get him to come in for a cup of tea? A cup of tea? I'll be lucky if he listens to me for 5 seconds. Or even at all. Well not to worry about that now, I have about 30 minutes till he..arrives? Drives past? Well.

CROWLEY'S POV NOW BITCHES

Its er been a month since my confession to Aziraphale. For the first time I have no idea what to do with my day. It was easy at first, distracting myself. I went to the movies, tried to do a few things humans enjoy, drove past the godforsaken bookshop everyday. I don't even know why I do that last one. I mean really what are the odds Aziraphale shows up out of the blue and invites me in for a cup of tea? Well they aren't very good....but I still have hope, hope that one day this angel will come to his senses. Come to me. I may be pissed but I don't hate him, and I've missed him a lot. But I'm not ready to forgive him yet. So I don't even know what I want from him.

Well would you look at the time. Even though I don't have anything to do, guess I'll do my daily "maintenance" drive past Azi's shop. Nothin else to do anyways.

AZIRAPHALE POV NOWWWW! (dw they will have their exchange soon)

What will I even do if Crowley does come in? Apologize? Confess? Confess what? That I liked him when he first told me his thoughts, that I was just a coward? I mean I chose Heaven over him. I tried to get him to come with me but I understand why not. Why he couldn't. It'd have physically and mentally pained him to come with me. He thought I wanted to change him but I didn't. right? No I didn't, I love Crowley the way he is.

Even if this plan fully backfires. At least I'll get to tell him how I feel. How I've felt.

UHHH CROWLEY POV MFS

Left, Right, Straight. Only 2 more turns till I drive past the bookshop. What am I even hoping for?

AZI POV

I'm just going to sit out front. It's a nice day anyways. Even if he doesn't come by this time, at least I have enjoyed being here.

CROWLEY POV

Turning the corner. And for sata- hea- somebody's sake is that? No. It can't be.

I slow down and roll down the window. "Azir- aziraphale?"

"Hello Crowley, I think..no. I know, you don't want to talk to me but, can you just come inside? For a cup of tea? Like old times? We need to talk "

Old times? I don't understand this angel, how much has really changed? How much have, I changed? But, I'm intrigued to see what this is about. "I'm not sure how much time I have, I have an uh very VERY busy? Yes. Busy schedule today..but I'm sure I can come inside for a few let me just park the car"

Busy schedule? He has the same schedule everyda- Well at least he's coming in and didn't just ignore me.

INSIDE THE BOOKSHOP (WARNING ANGST UP-AHEAD)

"Hello, Crowley, err, tea?" aziraphale asks hands shaking slightly. "Uh yea sure, but uh why did you want to talk?"

Want to talk? I sound like a school boy who's just gotten in trouble at the headmasters office. PULL YOUR SHIT TOGETHER CROWLEY

"Well..I mean, we..ended on a rather depressing note the last time we spoke and I just wanted to t-" Aziraphale was cut off by a rather loud snort from Crowley. "Wanted to what? Try to convince me to come to Heaven with you again? Wanted me to forgive you and everything be just fine between us?" Crowley remarked rather annoyed like. "No, no? No! None of that where would you even get the idea that I would? No. That's not what I wanted to say. I wanted to explain how I felt." Aziraphale said, rather breathlessly like he'd just ran a marathon. "How you felt? Well there isn't much more to it is there? I mean you obviously don't like me. Love me back?" Crowley said letting more hurt in than meant. "No. No Crowley you've got it all wrong I do. I do Love you. I love you. I loved you when you asked me to stay with you I just did'n-" Azi was cut off by a rather loud. Growl? from Crowley. "You just loved Heaven more. If you loved me so much you would've stayed with me. You would've chose ME."

"No, but Crowley please, I do love you. Just let me explain."

As Aziraphale waited for a reply, for a nod, a yes, to keep going. Time went silent. It was like these next words could make or break them. After what felt like hours, years, decades. All that Crowley said was.

"I forgive you."

Then he left. Turned around and walked away. Then he slammed the door shut.

(PART 2/2 IS OUT ON MY TUMBLR PAGE!!!! HAPPY READING EVERYONE)

#good omens #good omens spoilers #good omens angst #crowly x aziraphale #aziraphale #crowley #aziracrow #sobbing #screaming #sorry not sorry #angst #screaming crying throwing up #no happy ending #part 1

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alchemie-tarot · 2 years

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Pick A Sunset: What Does The Universe Want You To Learn and How Can You Move Towards It?

Note: Happy bow and arrow season! 🏹 It’s time to let that inner Archer take his aim and make his mark. Sagittarius wants to set you free and have some fun. Most of all, he wants you to gain a deeper understanding of yourself.

Feel free to choose the pile/s you feel called to. Some details may not resonate with you since this is a general reading. As always, nothing is set in stone, so please don’t take it too seriously. I hope these will be able to give you some enlightenment. ✨

(Extra: I took these pictures for one of my Photography classes when I was in college.)

Pile 1

Cards: Knight of Wands, 7 of Swords, King of Swords, The Hanged Man

You need a proper strategy to get things done. You know you want that success. Your success– however you define it, whatever path you have chosen. The universe wants you to harness that fiery passion inside of you, like the Knight of Wands does to his red steed. To charge up your determination so that you can go full speed ahead.

I see that some of you are tempted to take an easy way out and ditch making a master plan altogether. Playing on the safe side with a “no plan is the best plan” kind of mindset. For others, you may have convinced yourself to turn away from what’s calling you. You may not believe that you deserve to pursue this, or you may fear the demanding nature of truly fulfilling your dreams.

The universe points out that this is a matter of the mind. You need to look at things objectively in order to make something concrete of this mixed bag of possibilities and doubts. Let go of unnecessary expectations. Don’t be afraid to sit with the uncertainties and explore them deeper. There is a truth about yourself you will independently come to know. Your intellect is on your side and will help you stick to the facts.

I feel like sitting still can feel like a sacrifice for some of you, so take it as it resonates. I see that it may help to write things down, or to talk to yourself in a firm but fair way. It’s okay to take your time and wait for a bit. You will arrive at a decision that will have taken a lot of careful thought. Fun and adventure await you on the other side.

===

Pile 2

Cards: The Star, 8 of Cups, Queen of Wands, The Fool

“You’re on Your Own, Kid” by Taylor Swift played in my head. I know it’s not a popular choice from Midnights, but I can totally see parallels from the song and from this pile (I’m a Swiftie so I’m all about it). Basically, it’s the cycle of having high hopes for something, seeing it turn out not quite what you expected, and learning lessons from it that no one can take away from you. Situations change and level up in some way as we grow older, but the cycle continues. “Everything you lose is a step you take.”

You may currently be in a big transition or are about to embark on one. The universe prompts you to let the optimism of The Star card be your guide. You may have been disillusioned by familiarity and think of stepping out of your comfort zone. Something new and healing awaits you when you decide to walk away for good, and towards the longer term.

I also felt the message “less is more.” The forgotten 8 of Cups tell me you may have explored a number of options that weren’t fulfilling, but are about to find that fulfilment in The Star’s overflowing jugs. Quality over quantity.

Looking at the cards in the order I laid them out, you can see that the colour yellow increases. A beautiful journey of attracting what you want by simply believing that you will get it. Easier said than done, I know, especially when you feel like you’re going nowhere. Blind faith is a theme in your reading so things will still unfold even if you feel that way, don’t worry.

The universe urges you to know what you want, to be bold and to own it. New connections are on their way to you, but you must be sure that they align with you. This is a wake-up call not to settle. When I shuffle my cards I usually wait for them to flip or fall out of the deck, but this time the deck seemed sticky and I had to choose which ones wanted to jump out. Being confident can be a conscious choice.

At the end of the reading you have The Fool, the ultimate card for beginnings and a reminder of your excellent potential. You got this. You’re surrounded by encouraging energy; I feel like it’s your inner child, for most of you. They will help you keep your baggage light and greet whatever lies ahead with a smile.

===

Pile 3

Cards: 3 of Pentacles, Ace of Cups, 7 of Swords Rx, 2 of Wands

My hardworking pile. First of all, I see that you’re not giving yourself enough credit for whatever it is that you’ve been working on. In fact, you should be proud of yourself and celebrate those successes, no matter how “small” and unconventional they are. Seriously, even the slightest changes. There’s always movement in the universe, but it’s not always visible. If you have doubts about it, it may help if you look back at where you started. You’ll be surprised by all the progress you’ve made!

A lot of you seem like the ‘lone wolf’ type when it comes to the grind. Being independent is admirable, but the universe nudges you to come out of your shell a bit. New collaborations are around the corner, offering not just to fill your schedule with productive and meaningful work, but to also fill your cup of emotions as well. These new connections will open your heart and feel like a balm to your soul. For others who have been thinking about something on the creative side, this is definitely a sign to cultivate it.

You’re on your way to become a master of your craft, but you need to reevaluate your approach. You need to drop your pretenses about this. You may want to avoid any kind of interference, or feel overwhelmed at the thought of another in your space. It doesn’t have to happen all at once; you can start with a simple partnership (as signified by 2 of Wands) and grow your network bit by bit, one step at a time.

Things are about to come together. You’re carving your own route and you will soon be at a crossroads. Don’t be afraid to expand. Each element of the suits are present in the cards, balancing your energy. You are more than ready.

===

Pile 4

Cards: 5 of Pentacles, 5 of Swords Rx, King of Swords, Judgment

You’ve been through it, Pile 4. I can sense that you’ve been carrying some form of struggle for a while that made you feel alone and made it hard for you to see much else. I’m so sorry to hear that. I hope you can take it easy on yourself real soon.

Fives often carry a heavy and unstable energy to them. More than that, it is a temporary energy because Fives are all about change. The universe means to say that you can’t win all the time because you don’t have to. The universe assures you, this is not your be-all and end-all. You’re entitled to process this grief, to take your time to come to terms with it, but at some point, when there’s not much left to do anymore, you must cut your losses and learn to see beyond it. I’m getting a strong feeling of lack from a lot of you. This struggle is behind you now.

I don’t find it easy to impart tough-love kind of advice because I believe each struggle is unique to the person and that there can be movements related to that I’m not meant to see nor understand. The universe sends a firm message for you to evaluate yourself in order to release those feelings of doom and gloom. You must tackle the truths about yourself that hurt. Do so by sticking to the facts and not sticking them to your identity. Where you’ve been and what you’ve been through is not who you are. These can affect your emotions strongly so do your best to be fair to yourself.

This period of awakening will present different paths forward for each one of you. What they all have in common is strong renewal and clarity. Take care of your health, please, and try not to isolate yourself. Surround yourself with your trusted friends and loved ones. It will all come to an end soon. There is always more after.

===

Pile 5

Cards: 6 of Pentacles, 2 of Wands, 7 of Pentacles, The Chariot Rx

It seems that this reading is all about balance. I was a little confused at first looking at the cards at face value because the card that followed the previous one kept contradicting it, for me. You seem to be faced with a series of choices in a certain area of your life. Knowing when to give and when to take. The universe advises that instead of one or the other, it’s both, and how they can apply and fulfil their purpose in a situation.

You must focus in order to determine which works for you at a given time. Do the necessary research and pay attention to details. In fact, a strategic move could end up multiplying rewards in your favour. Approach it decisively, but do not rush into it. Lay some boundaries if it can help you take things step by step.

The 7 of Pentacles and The Chariot in reverse tells me to remember to stop and smell the roses from time to time. Observe. Relax. Doing things in one go is convenient and efficient in theory but is not sustainable in the long run. If you lose a streak, know that it’s okay, things can’t always be in your control. Losing that desire will help you breathe easier.

You have a pair of sevens in the latter half of the reading because the Chariot is number seven in the Major Arcana cards. 77. Luck is on your side. Trust yourself.

===

Pile 6

Cards: Ace of Swords, The High Priestess Rx, 7 of Pentacles, Ace of Cups

Have you had a breakthrough lately? Congratulations! New ideas and ventures should be celebrated, but in your case, you’re encouraged to do so in privacy. Don’t reveal information about your plans just yet. I don’t really sense anything harmful that can compromise them, just that you must let them take root first without external influences.

Keep your secrets safe; it can help you stay centered. I know it can be exciting and tempting to share your good news to the world. There will be a time for that. For now, give these emotions the freedom to be in solitude. I see that others are cultivating their inner voice. That’s great! Just make sure they’re always aligned with your best interests.

Your creative energy is building up. Foster this connection between yourself and your chosen craft. It will make you so happy, you have no idea. Learning to channel your emotions into your creations will make a stable foundation out of these new beginnings.

Things have just begun and they will only get better from here. Just remember to protect your beautiful and important inner world and let it expand on its own for the meantime. You will know when it’s time to lift the curtain along the way.

===

That would be all! Thank you for taking the time to interact with this reading. Feel free to let me know how you found it, if it resonated or not, etc. You’re more than welcome to send me feedback or details about it.

Stay safe and have a cosmic week ahead! 🌇

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a-non-ymouswriter · 6 months

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Alright, let's talk Rewind (or my MCYT fics)

i think it's time to finally talk about rewind/remix.

or generally, just my mcyt fics in general.

it's been a while since i updated any of them and trust me, i am very much FILLED WITH GUILT over not updating or continuing them- problem is; i just don't have any motivation in them at the moment. my interest and motivation for them have waned, wilted and withered. the three unfortunate ws that arent wins.

i dont want to say i abandoned them, i hate the thought of abandoning ANY STORY and i like the thought of getting back to them at some point. maybe my motivation will come back, it has in the past and that's a great hope to have.

however i am aware that these stories have been gathering dust and it's possible that motivation will never come back and i hate that.

i know partially why i'm no longer interested? partially- it mainly started with techno's death. it just didn't feel the same anymore now that cc!techno was gone, but if things went differently then maybe i could've continued just as normal. but i'm pretty sure my motivation took a great hit when techno died.

another great hit to my motivation is the whole... thing with cc!dream??? WHICH I WILL NEVER EVEN POKE ABOUT, YOU CANNOT MAKE ME, I WILL IGNORE EVERY ATTEMPT. it felt weird writing about c!dream even though i should REALLY be able to separate the two, cc!s are different from fictional c!s and all that but for some reason i just don't feel too comfy writing him right now.

and since my main series of rewind and remix is MAINLY RELATED TO DREAM- you can see my problem here.

the dream smp is done, over, there is no season 2 and my interest in this fandom is only tethered by the occasional fanfic that i stumble upon and the numerous fanarts that come and go. that interest isn't enough to motivate my writing.

a funny thought though, is that i think i spent a LOT of motivation and kind of burnt myself out in the future back when i was DAILY UPDATING REWIND- like i don't know if you readers remember but i was updating DAILY on rewind. every day, FOR ALMOST A MONTH- something that might never happen again really and i'm still kind of proud of that.

but i'm pretty sure it was very unhealthy of me to do daily updates the way i did- it took A POWER OUTAGE to make me stop doing daily updates and i remember STRESSING OVER NOT UPDATING while the power was out. so yeah, i'm pretty sure i set myself up for failure there XD

but i'm so glad that i was able to at least finish rewind. my very first story that i completed. unfortunately i'm not too confident about finishing the rest of the series (and some other fics).

a friend of mine actually suggested something that i've been thinking about from time to time; i give you guys the outline of what COULD have happened. what i was planning on writing and then completing my works.

it sounds like a good idea but i didn't want to let you guys down in just, giving up like that. but nowadays, it sounds like a better and better alternative than to just wait for my motivation and interest to come back. it's almost been a year already for wishes and family, and remix, i managed to update stream labs a few months ago so that's hopeful but the others...

okay, i'm going to give YOU GUYS the choice here. i'll tell the ao3 readers about it as an important update author's note, but im going to make a poll about this choice soon and i'll even pin it on my tumblr.

it'll last- maybe two weeks? but yeah, it's the least i can do to see what you guys want.

EDIT: polls apparently only last a week, so it'll be up a week.

#non post #dsmp rewind #stream labs live #wishes and family #this is a long time coming tbh #should have done this sooner but i just kept procrastinating

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polinbridgertonsocute · 5 days

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Here's my thoughts on the whole Lady Whistledown thing and a sprinkling of what I assume from the new season 3 part 2 trailer. Read mores annoy me, so scrapped that plan.

Penelope can still have independence. But doesn't have to snap at him for it. Colin only wants her safety and wants to help in order to achieve that. She can still have power without writing slander and spreading secrets that will remain permanent.

Penelope can shift into being a different type of writer and still have people read it.

Colin loving and dedicating his dream and purpose to loving Penelope is perfectly fine. He shouldn't be shamed for going through life as he has been (jobless and free). Nor should he feel shame for being rich only. Eloise had enough shame for all, even though she is still all about that life after complaining.

Plus marriage is a two-way bond, so there should be a modicum if togetherness and no separation. This is a lifetime commitment for Colin and Penelope so she shouldn't need to fight so hard to have a lot of independence since they are a love match. Plus, Colin would support her writing anyways.

Penelope has already suffered for her LW writing mistakes. She shouldn't have to deal with more bad consequences. Penelope should be allowed to stop writing or writing still with Colin's support) and that's it. There should be no consequences for Colin's feelings (mainly love and protectiveness and worry) either.

Colin wanting to keep Penelope safe is a good thing. She has put herself in danger with almost every article.

Wanting to spare her the possible blowback is natural, for Colin. Public scandal is nothing compared to making an enemy of the crown (Queen Charlotte).

These next two opinions conflict with each other. Penelope should not tell Colin. BUT if she feels she simply MUST speak, then she should tell him privately.

Option 1: Penelope shouldn't tell Colin about her writing as LW, but quietly give it up. Colin and Penelope don't need internal conflict. There is already peer pressure, society rules, the ton's assumptions, and both their own self-doubts getting in their heads. Penelope and Colin don't need this added weight of LW writings between them. They don't need to weather any storms in order to be strong. They are already. Their bond has always been there since they Were younger.

Option 2: If Penelope is allowing LW writings to weigh on her moral compass conscience, then she should tell Colin. But privately. Not so she can try and stop a scene or scandal, but because she cares for Colin's feelings.

And why is Penelope having such a hard time letting go at all? She did it for the off-seasons for months. She wasn't wallowing in despair, it didn't stop her from doing other things. So why not give it up for good, now?

Penelope was worth something before her LW persona, she'll be worth something if she gives it up afterwards or continue. Penelope is not seperate from her anonomys authorship. It's just another side of her. She is the same person.

Penelope exists. She already is enough (especially to Colin).

And why did Charlotte suddenly stop with the whole 3 days thing? She subtly threatened LE when talking to Eloise in season 2.

There was other ways of making herself known than putting other people down. Penelope instead could have talked to Colin how she wants to write and he would have helped her.

I hope Eloise won't end up spouting the secret at the engagement party, since it'll ruin it. But still, Eloise standing up for Colin is good (finally, for once not putting him down).

And another thing is Penelope writing the Lady Whistledown sheets makes her worried and unhappy when Colin tells his family news about their engagement. Another reason why I hope LW writings fade away. The printed sheets are not good for anyone, even though there is some money and lots of sales.

If Penelope and Colin want to be Lady and Lord Whistledown, then I hope they let Queen Charlotte in on it (not writing, just identities so she doesn't order them killed).

#bridgerton spoilers #bridgerton #polin #thoughts from me

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kimbappykidding · 9 months

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Kyungsoo Request: Imagine going to Greece with your boyfriend Kyungsoo for your first anniversary

Kyungsoo had been adamant you were going to celebrate together in Greece on the exact date of your one-year anniversary. You adored Greece and had lived there a little as a child and Kyungsoo also liked the history and culture. On your 4th date, Kyungsoo joked you should go there on your 1 year anniversary and you grinned and told him you'd love that. You didn't give much thought to Kyungsoo's joke and had all but forgotten about it but a few months before your anniversary he asked if you'd still like to go there for your anniversary. You'd said yes and were very excited to go on holiday with Kyungsoo You didn't actually expect it to be on the exact date of your anniversary because the idol life was demanding and they never got to take time off when they wanted so when Kyungsoo told you you'd be going on the exact date you were stunned. Kyungsoo went through a lot to get that date but he didn't tell you that. He just told you he always kept his promises and you told him he was the best boyfriend ever.

A week before you were due to go the management started trying to wiggle Kyungsoo out of his holiday with you by offering him 2 weeks later in the summer instead. Kyungsoo refused, he'd made a commitment to you and was going to honour that. You'd been so understanding of all the late nights just before a comeback to having to be super private about everything and the many dates that got cancelled last minute when something came up. Kyungsoo wasn't going to let anything ruin this holiday and was as stubborn as...well himself and that's how you both ended up in Greece to celebrate your anniversary just like you'd joked about almost a year ago!

You discovered Kyungsoo was a hilarious person to travel with about 15 minutes into your journey to the airport. While you were a rather laid-back traveler he had everything organised and planned. He showed you the map with pinpoints of everywhere you might like to go and all the notes he had on his phone about things you might both enjoy. "I googled the stores at the airport and they have a Lego store!" he cried "how cool is that". You smiled at him "well get something, we can make it on the plane or when we get to Greece". Kyungsoo nodded "I thought exactly that and they also have a really nice chicken place which I thought we could buy dinner from". "Isn't there food on the plane?" you asked and Kyungsoo nodded "yeah but I checked and I don't think they'll have anything you like" he said passing you the menu on his phone. After a quick glance, you nodded "yeah you're right there's nothing on here I'd really want to eat. Wow you really know me well huh?". Kyungsoo smiled "well of course! I'd like to think you're the person I know best in the world and that you know me best too". You smiled "I hope I do...I mean I'm pretty sure I am. I know your favourite movie, song, season, month, colour..." and you would've continued but Kyungsoo cut you off with a laugh "I know and you don't have to prove it don't worry". You smiled "okay but I kind of want to...quiz me!". Kyungsoo laughed at how you were competitive even in this situation but it warmed his heart how enthusiastic you were to talk about him.

The quizzing continued all the way through the airport check-in, security and right until takeoff when you had to stop for the safety announcements. You didn't like takeoff too much and Kyungsoo wrapped an arm around you during it and held your hand tightly. "It's okay, you're safe. I've got you" he whispered to you softly and his voice and embrace helped calm you down. Once you were in the air you relaxed a little and curled up with Kyungsoo to watch a movie. You soon fell asleep against his chest which was a common occurrence. You claimed his chest had some sort of hypnotic power because anytime you were against it, you were out like a light. Again Kyungsoo loved this and made sure to utilise his "power" as much as possible. You woke up to see the Lego set on the table and gasped "you started without me?" but you should've known better. Kyungsoo was just reading the instructions and smiled at you "of course not, I'm not an anarchist" and you spent the rest of the journey building it together.

When you landed, Kyungsoo was organised. He packed your lego creation away into a bag he bought especially for this purpose and had all your documents to hand making customs a breeze. He knew exactly where you should go to get a taxi and took your hand leading you out the airport doors. You got hit with the warm breeze and smiled pausing "I'm so ready for this" and Kyungsoo nodded "me too".

Kyungsoo had organised everything so he'd chosen your villa and you'd seen some photos but hadn't been too bothered, trusting Kyungsoo completely but when you got there you were stunned because it was the most beautiful villa you'd ever seen. "Is this really ours?" you asked as Kyungsoo led you through the gate and up to the front door. He laughed "yeah of course it is" and he unlocked the door letting you go further into your temporary home. Your jaw dropped again once you'd seen the inside "Kyungsoo are you sure?" you asked and he laughed "yes! Why are you so unsure?". "Because this doesn't look like the photos you showed me" you laughed and Kyungsoo smiled sneakily "well I might've just shown you the standard villas...instead of this one". "What this one?" you asked and Kyungsoo laughed "well I think the full title is the Elite Luxury Royal Villa but that's a bit much right?". "You booked me a royal villa?" you asked shocked and Kyungsoo shrugged "technically yes but I don't think anyone royal has ever stayed here". You shook your head still stunned, "Kyungsoo this is insane! Did I still pay enough?". "It wasn't much to upgrade us so don't worry about that" Kyungsoo said "is it okay I did this? Do you like it?". "I love it" you smiled "there's a hottub and a beautiful pool and the view is insane and omg look at that dressing room!" you cried "wow I...why?" you asked. "because I wanted to treat you" Kyungsoo said "I know there have been a fair few cancelled dates and it's not easy dating an idol but you never complain and always support me. I want to show you how much I appreciate that and how I think you should be treated all the time". You smiled shaking your head "you really think that highly of me?". "Of course I do" Kyungsoo smiled "happy anniversary Y/n" and he pulled you forwards so he could kiss you.

Your actual anniversary was 2 days away and you had things planned for that day but Kyungsoo still wouldn't tell you everything he had planned. For your first day you unpacked, explored a little and then came back home still a little tired from the travelling.

The next day, you and Kyungsoo did some sightseeing in the morning, explored some of the higher ground, got a few great photos and then came back when it started getting busy in the afternoon. You were relaxing by the pool when your phone rang. It was Baekhyun and you went to turn to Kyungsoo to ask if he thought everything was okay before realising he'd headed inside.

You picked up the phone and Baekhyun's face came into focus. "Hey are you okay?" you asked worried and Baekhyun grinned "yeah I'm fine how are you?". You paused before smiling "I'm good...we're here...on holiday" you tried to say to delicately remind Baekhyun in case he'd somehow forgotten. "Yeah we know we just wanted to make sure you were okay" Suho said suddenly his face appearing and you realised all the guys were there. "Oh hey everyone!" you said waving "aww that's sweet you're checking in with us" and you started telling them all about the cute things Kyungsoo did on the plane and they loved it.

Kyungsoo came back outside to hear laughter and was confused before he heard his members' voices. "Why are you calling Y/n?" he asked sitting down beside you and the guys cheered when they saw him. "Yeah yeah it's good to see you all now answer my question!". "We just wanted to make sure you got there okay but you weren't answering our calls" Baekhyun said smugly. "You've been calling us?" you asked and then you saw Kyungsoo's guilty face and gasped "Kyungsoo!". "Y/n they're just trying to pry and annoy us!" he said and then Chanyeol gasped "hey I resent that I care if you're okay...sure annoying you was Baekhyun's main reason for calling you but that's him, not me!". That made you laugh and Kyungsoo saw his chance to pluck the phone out of your hands. He raised it to his face and smiled sweetly at Chanyeol "okay well we're here safe and happy and now you know so there's no need to bother us for the rest of the trip okay? Okay bye" and he hung up the phone. You could hear the guys hurrying to speak to him before they were cut off.

"That was mean" you said jokingly and Kyungsoo shrugged "I've spent many years of my life with them and I love them but in the nicest possible way I don't want to see a single one of them this whole week. The only person I want to see, is you" he said coming to stand next to you. "Just me huh?" you asked "you know that might be pretty hard to achieve. For that we'd have to never leave this villa" and you rested your hands on his broad shoulders. "That sounds like the perfect holiday to me" Kyungsoo said and just as you were leaning over to kiss him he swiftly lifted you up and into his lap. You made a slight squeal before settling in your new home and Kyungsoo smiled "now this is perfection, why would I need to see anything else?" and he finally kissed you.

The next day was your anniversary and you woke up to find the bed empty but knew where Kyungsoo would be. You padded to the patio and surely enough there was Kyungsoo setting up a beautiful breakfast. He'd clearly nipped out for fresh food and produce and you watched him for a few seconds before going over to him. You wrapped your arms around him and smiled "happy anniversary" you said softly and Kyungsoo tensed before smiling. "I wanted to be the first to say it to you!" he cried "did I wake you?". "Ha ha I beat you and no I just figured you'd be here. Remember? I know you pretty well Kyungsoo" and he smiled "guess I'll have to be sneakier to surprise you this holiday huh?". The smirk on his face and the glint in his eye made you so excited to find out what he had planned.

You helped Kyungsoo make breakfast (despite his protests) and then headed out for a beautiful morning boat ride around the coast. After that you went to a museum Kyungsoo thought you would like and he was completely correct. All the exhibits were things you found interesting and you had a great time. Plus, it was fun just getting to wander around with Kyungsoo and do mundane things which made you realise how much you sometimes missed him. You understood Kyungsoo's job was hard and that's why you never got annoyed if he cancelled dates or was home a little later. You knew it wasn't his fault but it was difficult sometimes and that's what made moments like this more special. You got to just wander around a museum with your boyfriend and see his face react to odd exhibits and modern art. Moments like this made you remember how much you loved being with Kyungsoo and how much he meant to you.

You thought about this all day and Kyungsoo noticed you watching him again at dinner and smiled "what?" he asked and you blushed "what?". "You've been staring at me all day" he said "have I got something on my face?". You shook your head "no not at all I just...I'm really happy we're here together" you said and Kyungsoo smiled at you "that's why you've been staring at me?". You nodded now fully blushing "I love that we get this time together and I feel special to be sat across from you. Thank you for taking the time out of your super busy life to plan this holiday. You organised everything and it happened because of you and I couldn't be happier, I think it's exactly what I needed. Time with just you". Kyungsoo smiled "I think time with just you is all I ever need" and you smiled "well you know I'm always open to that" and you squeezed Kyungsoo's hand before your eyes went to the square that your restaurant was in.

A bunch of people had gathered and were all standing around for something. "What are they doing?" Kyungsoo asked and you frowned "I have no idea..." before you spotted a band and smiled "it's some live music! Aww this will be so beautiful, did you know about this?". Kyungsoo shook his head, he had researched all the bars and restaurants in the area to prepare but he hadn't read anything about live music...and then the dancing started. Kyungsoo could tell you wanted to dance the second your eyes focused on the dancers. Your eyes lit up and a small smile appeared on your face watching the couples swirl around. Kyungsoo didn't even hesitate "do you want to join them?" he asked. You looked at him and smiled widely telling him your answer.

Kyungsoo led you over to the group or more accurately he tried but you were so excited you practically dragged him into the fray. You were always a lot more spontaneous and excitable than him and he liked that. Seeing you happy made him happy and the guys always rolled their eyes when he said that but he meant it!

Kyungsoo was a fairly good dancer and he took in the beat, observed the steps and then tried to lead you but you took over. You did your own routine different to everyone else's and Kyungsoo couldn't help but laugh at the pure joy on your face. "You know, things are never boring with you around" Kyungsoo said and you smiled "I'm glad you're not bored of me yet" but before you could laugh Kyungsoo replied "never". You could feel how much Kyungsoo meant that and it made you blush. He could be really intense sometimes and it left you feeling flustered and fluttery. It always made you want him and Kyungsoo must've recognised that look in your eye because he smiled.

"Can I kiss you?" he whispered. You'd been dating for ages so he didn't typically ask anymore but the act made your stomach do somersaults and you nodded. Kyungsoo leaned in and captured your lips with his own right in the middle of the dance floor. Typically Kyungsoo disliked PDA but right now he didn't care that there were tons of people around you or that you were in public. He just kissed you and carried on kissing you for as long as you both wanted. He didn't care what anyone else thought. You were the only person on his radar.

Kyungsoo could've sat there kissing you all night but he had a schedule to stick to! So he gently broke away from you, held you close for a few more dances and then whispered in your ear he had a surprise for you. You LOVED surprises so your face lit up again and you badgered Kyungsoo to give you hints about what it was. He admitted it was near the pier and you practically skipped there and when you reached there you looked at him questioningly.

The pier was lit up by lots of boats which had pretty lights on them and people were freely milling around the coastline. Kyungsoo led you to the front and gave his name where the woman in charge smiled and led you to one of her bigger boats. It was still petite and clearly for 2 but had more furnishings and looked very pretty. "Kyungsoo what is all of this?" you asked and he smiled "I might've rang ahead and put some arrangements in, I know gondolas are more Venice but I couldn't resist, especially because of how much you love the ocean" he smiled. He stepped into the boat and held out a hand for you "well are you coming or what?" and with a smile, you stepped into the boat.

Kyungsoo steered the boat himself instead of taking a rower and you figured he would. Kyungsoo was social and good at talking to people but when the two of you were together he liked privacy. He wasn't scared to talk about his feelings in front of others but he told you he didn't get as much time with you as he'd like, so any time that he did get with you he wanted it to be special and distraction-free. You were more than happy to have Kyungsoo all to yourself and alternated steering the boat. Kyungsoo initially wanted you to just lay back and relax while he pushed you but he knew you were a curious excitable person and of course, you'd want a go rowing the boat.

He tensed as you clambered around the boat with zero worry about falling in the water but as he'd said, you loved the sea and this wasn't your first time on a small boat. "Wow you're way better at this than me and I had a lesson" Kyungsoo said as you powerfully pushed them into a bay where other boats were floating and you laughed before freezing "wait you had a lesson?". "Yeah, I wanted to make sure I could keep us safe out here" Kyungsoo said and you smiled "please, I don't think anyone could make me safer". "I know but I'm not Poseidon so I can't control the waves if we fall in" he said and you nodded "I know and it's a shame" making Kyungsoo gasp. "Wow I'm sorry I'm not a Greek God with the seven seas at my fingertips!" he cried and you reached for him "I was joking!". "No I always knew you fancied Poseidon more than me" reaching away from you but you were in a boat and there was literally only so far he could go. So eventually you trapped him and made him look at you "you know I like you more than Poseidon, the god of the sea has nothing on you". Kyungsoo grinned because he loved when you complimented him and he bobbed his head down to kiss you. You broke away for breath and smiled "now Hades on the other hand..." and Kyungsoo laughed "shut up" and kissed you again.

Eventually, you started rowing again and Kyungsoo took the lead. He steered you away from the other boats and you thought he was going out to sea until he turned suddenly and you gasped. "I thought you'd like it" Kyungsoo smiled and you did. There was a hidden alcove wide enough for a few boats to fit through between some of the cliffs and it looked magical. Kyungsoo told you they were a special type of rock that glowed in the dark and it was extraordinary rowing through them. The water reflected off the rocks and it was so beautiful. The cliffs made it feel private too and there was nobody else here so it felt like a perfect hideaway only you and Kyungsoo knew about.

You emerged on the other end into a more secluded bay and Kyungsoo led you towards the shore before stopping. You could tell he was expecting something so looked at him "what?". "Wait" he smiled sitting down next to you and putting an arm around you. You did what Kyungsoo said and waited...for 1 minute. You couldn't sit still very long and were going to ask Kyungsoo what was meant to be happening when you saw a light in the sky.

A figure appeared with a lightning bolt and you realised it was Zeus and then more and more God and Goddesses appeared. It was a drone show and it was stunning! They acted out some of the famous myths and constellations and you were so impressed. The show lasted for 15 minutes and when it was over everyone clapped startling you. You'd forgotten anyone else was around you were so engrossed in everything. It was truly the most magical night of your life.

Coming back to reality, you reached out for Kyungsoo and leaned into him wishing this moment could go on forever. "You okay?" Kyungsoo asked and you nodded "I'm perfect, this is beautiful Kyungsoo" you said and he smiled "you're beautiful" and you blushed. Kyungsoo loved it when he made you blush. You were more confident than him so usually he was the one to blush, but not always and anytime he got a blush from you his chest swelled. Tonight was no exception but a little different because it was your anniversary and everything felt heightened. Kyungsoo was here on the other side of the world, with an incredible woman he was lucky enough to call his girlfriend. He hadn't planned a speech or anything surprisingly but the words just tumbled from his mouth.

"Y/n I just want to say thank you. This past year with you has been the happiest of my life. You always make me feel so cared for and valid. You balance me out perfectly and all the guys have seen a change in me". "Really?" you asked and Kyungsoo nodded "they all say I smile more and am more relaxed and I know that's all because of you! All you have to do is send me a text and I know you're thinking about me and thinking about you calms me down". "It does?" you asked and Kyungsoo nodded "yes because I love you Y/n".

You blinked as Kyungsoo's word sunk in.

Despite being together a year neither of you had said you loved the other. For Kyungsoo this was normal, he thought about everything he felt and didn't wear his heart on his sleeve. He wasn't going to say something he wasn't sure he felt and was more of a slow burner. You were also very chill and words didn't matter to you that much. You liked how Kyungsoo treated you and made you feel. That mattered more than anything for you and you didn't have a timer for when things had to happen in a relationship. You were happy just to go with the flow and for moments to arrive at the right time...like what was happening right now.

"Kyungsoo" you smiled and saw his eyes rapidly shifting from the bottom of the boat to the water and back to you, a sign he was nervous. You took Kyungsoo's hand in your own and squeezed it. "I love you too" you said softly but Kyungsoo heard you and his eyes suddenly shot to you. "You do?" you asked and you smiled "of course I do Kyungsoo, I've loved you for so long and I know no matter what I'll always love you. You're my Kyungsoo" you said and that was it. Kyungsoo's face broke out into a goofy smile before he could stop himself and a ghastly laugh accompanied it. Kyungsoo tried to cover his mouth but you wouldn't let go of his hands and pushed your body against his so you could hug him.

Kyungsoo wrapped his arms around you and sighed at how wonderful things felt, you must've read his mind. "Kyungsoo this whole holiday has just been perfect, I feel so lucky to have you. Thank you" and Kyungsoo smiled holding you closer. "You deserve everything" he whispered in your ear "I'd give you the world if I could and I will always spoil you". That made you pull back with a smile "I don't need the world, just you" and Kyungsoo genuinely faltered because he could tell you meant that. Being an idol, he had to be wary of every new relationship and think of the worst possible scenarios just in case but not with you. You'd broken past all his barriers and now he could just truly give himself over to his happiness. So instead of looking down to hide his blush or trying to find the words to tell you how he felt, Kyungsoo just held onto you and didn't let go for the rest of the night.

The remaining 3 days of your holiday passed in a blur and before you knew it you were back home. Baehyun, Chanyeol, Kai and Suho were waiting for you at the airport, uninvited. Kyungsoo had asked them not to come but they ignored him and Baekhyun ran to him like a child who had been kept from their parents for months. Kyungsoo was mortified but once you got them all sat down in a cafe and people stopped staring, he relaxed.

"So how was it?" Chanyeol asked "did you see any old temples or shrines". You smiled "we did but that could describe like half of Greece so that's not saying much". "Well you both look really happy and tanned" Kai said "you look like you had a good trip. Kyungsoo shoulders were all back and relaxed before Baekhyun appeared!". "He loves me he just won't admit it" Baekhyun said reaching across the table until he flinched when Kyungsoo went for him. "Yeah it was incredibly relaxing and romantic" you nodded "the best week I've had in years". "The best week of my life" Kyungsoo said and you paused, surprised out of all the crazy weeks he'd had as an idol, your holiday was his favourite. "Do you have any photos?" Suho asked and you went to nod when Kyungsoo put his phone on the table and began to show the guys. He had all your holiday photos in an album and started explaining each day to the boys. You smiled watching your boyfriend get excited about things you'd seen and blushed as he showed them photos of you you didn't even know he'd taken. There was one of you in the boat where you were staring up at the light show and you looked so happy and transfixed. Your heart soared again when you realised Kyungsoo had set it as his home screen.

On the way to the car Baekhyun fell in step with you. "You okay?" he asked "you've gone quiet". You nodded "yeah I'm good I just...I realised how much Kyungsoo loves me this trip and I honestly can't believe it". Baekhyun laughed "you didn't think he loved you?". "I knew he cared about me but he loves me so much" you smiled "to have a guy like that feel so strongly about me...it makes me feel pretty damn lucky". Baekhyun smiled "you are, our boy is wonderful but he's also got excellent taste and he wouldn't have fallen for you without reason. You make him happy Y/n and we're all so pleased you're together". "You are?" you asked and Baekhyun nodded "we can't think of anyone more worthy of our boy than you". That made you tear up and Baekhyun hugged you when he realised. "You deserve him so enjoy it" he whispered and then you reached the car.

Kyungsoo made sure to get a seat next to you and leaned into you "are you okay? What did Baekhyun say to you?" protective boyfriend mode on. You smiled "don't worry it was nice stuff about you and it made me a little emotional". "Oh, do you want to talk about it?" he asked and you smiled "I'm pretty perfect actually" and Kyungsoo smiled "yes you are" making you blush.

This had been the best holiday of your life but something told you, you had many more adventures with Kyungsoo and you couldn't wait.

_____

Request by @criistig10 I hope you enjoyed it! Thanks for the request :)

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thegayhimbo · 9 months

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Stranger Things Suspicious Minds Review

WARNING: The following review contains MAJOR SPOILERS for the book, as well as Stranger Things Season 4!

If you haven't yet, be sure to check out my other Stranger Things Reviews! Like, Reblog, and let me know what your thoughts are in the comment section! :)

Stranger Things Six

Stranger Things Halloween Special

Stranger Things The Other Side

Stranger Things Zombie Boys

Stranger Things The Bully

Stranger Things Winter Special

Stranger Things Tomb of Ybwen

Stranger Things Into The Fire

Stranger Things Science Camp

Stranger Things “The Game Master” and “Erica’s Quest”

Stranger Things and Dungeons and Dragons

Stranger Things Kamchatka

Stranger Things Erica The Great

Stranger Things “Creature Feature” and “Summer Special”

Synopsis: The year is 1969, and Dr. Martin Brenner has set up his base of operations at Hawkins Lab. Having brought along a five year old Kali/Eight to keep her contained while her powers develop, Brenner begins recruiting new tests subject for the MKULTRA Project in the hopes of finding others with potential. When college student Terry Ives hears about the experiment, she becomes intrigued and signs up for the program, believing it to be extremely important in shaping the course of history. However, as she starts spending more time on the project, she begins to realize the Lab and Dr. Brenner are not what they seem.........

Observations:

This is going to be a longer review compared to my other ones because I had a lot to say about the book, the show's mythology, and certain theories I have that might come to fruition in season 5. This will be split into four parts (which are titled below), so heads up on that! :)

Last year, when season 4 premiered, I ordered all the Stranger Things tie-in materials that were out at the time, and this was the first book in the series I read. I wanted to know more about the experiments Terry Ives was put through which would eventually lead to her conceiving Eleven, as well as what methods Dr. Brenner used to create human beings with extraordinary powers. To the book's credit, it (somewhat) answers those questions, but also leaves others vague or ambiguous. I couldn't tell if that's because Netflix and Random House Books planned for there to be more sequels to Suspicious Minds. If that was the case, it's probably a moot point now considering the direction the Duffer Brothers went in season 4.

The question I'm sure people are going to ask is whether or not this book is canon, and the honest answer is I don't know. The book was written by Gwenda Bond, and in her acknowledgements, she gives credit to "creative consultant" Paul Dichter for notes and advice. Paul Dichter is a writer who's been on the show since season 1, so there was someone from the writing team who oversaw this novel as it developed. The problem though is 1.) There is a continuity snarl in the book that contradicts information stated on the show, and 2.) The direction the Duffer Brothers took in season 4 begs the question of whether Gwenda Bond or even Paul Dichter had all the information about the show's mythology (such as Henry/One/Vecna and his relationship with Brenner, or Colonel Sullivan and the factions in the U.S. government opposed to the MKULTRA Project).

Because of these factors, I'm looking at this book more as an analysis of what it can tell us about the thought process behind the writers when it came to crafting the show's mythology and certain characters.

Part 1: The Upside Down's connection to the test subjects of Hawkins Lab.

Back in my review of Stranger Things Six, I proposed a theory that the abilities special kids like El, Kali, and Henry/One/Vecna had were connected to the Upside Down. Whether or not some force from the Upside Down gives them their powers remains to be seen, but both supplementary materials and even the show have implied there's a link between the two. Out of all the places Vecna could have been banished to by El, it comes off as too much of a coincidence that she sent him to the Upside Down once she fully tapped into her powers. It's even doubtful El knew what she was doing in that moment when she dissolved him like that. She wanted Henry/One/Vecna gone, but nothing indicates she had any foreknowledge of the Upside Down, or that she consciously sent him to that dimension.

That's not even getting into how she made contact with the Demogorgon in season 1 despite never seeing it before and not knowing what it was, or how her powers went haywire once she did and ripped open a gate between the two worlds.

In Suspicious Minds, Terry befriends another test subject named Alice Johnson, a mechanic who has a love for fixing machines as well as taking them apart and rebuilding them. When she's given psychedelics and administered electroshocks as part of the experiment, she begins having visions of the Upside Down and the Demogorgon:

Eventually, these visions show Alice parts of the future, such as Eleven being under Dr. Brenner's control and Terry Ives's eventual fate of being caught and administered repeated electroshocks by Brenner until she was reduced to the current state she's in on the show.

A lot of this is similar to what Francine/Six went through in her comic debut: She repeatedly had visions of the Demogorgon in the Upside Down, and even saw glimpses of future events as they played out:

The major difference between Francine/Six and Alice is that Six was shown to be psychic way before Dr. Brenner met her, whereas Alice only began to develop psychic abilities when she started taking acid and was given electroshocks.

This conundrum between characters who were born with special gifts and characters who had their gifts unlocked later in life is something that plays out on the show: Henry/One/Vecna was established as different from other kids growing up, but it wasn't until he moved into the Creel House at the age of 12 that he discovered his abilities. Whether or not something in the house caused his powers to activate or if he just discovered them naturally remains to be seen. Terry wasn't able to remote-view into the void until she began taking LSD during the experiments, and would use that to communicate with Kali in the book and El in season 2 when she came to visit her mother for the first time. El was born with her abilities as a result of the experiments and acid trips Terry went through while she was pregnant.

The idea suggested on the show and by supplementary materials is that psychedelics like LSD and Acid unlock something in the brain, allowing certain individuals to access psychokinetic abilities. However, it's unclear if the implication is supposed to be that the majority of humans have psychological inhibitors that prevent them from having those abilities, or if it all depends on the individual having those abilities at all.

In the book, there are two other test subjects, Gloria and Ken, who undergo similar experiments at the lab, and they don't have the same visions of the Upside Down Alice has, nor are they able to remote view like Terry can. While Ken claims to be psychic, it has more to do with certain feelings he gets about individuals, and when something happens to them. Case in point: He knows about Andrew's death before he's ever informed about it:

However, he doesn't have visions of the future or the Upside Down the same way Alice does. And as Brenner notes later on, the results of the experiments with Ken were lackluster by his standards:

That's not even getting into the other participants at the beginning of the novel (prisoners, insane patients, potheads, and draft dodgers) who were given the same experimental treatments and never showed the results Alice and Terry did. Based on that, the development of psychokinetic abilities likely has a lot to do with the person in question rather than the psychedelics themselves. Brenner even proposes a theory that a mind starting out as a blank slate and not corrupted by outside influences plays a major role in an individual developing certain abilities. It's a big reason why he allows Terry to continue coming back to the lab for experiments despite knowing she's pregnant at the time, and despite the trouble she causes him:

It's also why he keeps Kali/Eight separate from other people besides him:

That's all well and good, but that doesn't do much to explain Henry/One/Vecna's situation, and why his powers were dormant for 12 years before they suddenly weren't. They haven't established him taking psychedelics as a kid to unlock his abilities, and his angry, nihilistic rant to El at the lab conveys he was well exposed to the world around him and wasn't "a blank slate" in the same way El or even Kali were.

This is why I lean heavily on the theory of the Upside Down being connected to the abilities certain individuals have. Some kind of force or presence in that dimension acting as an influence on people without them realizing it, which could explain how they get those powers. I would even argue the LSD/acid acts as a tunnel between the Upside Down and the human mind via telekinetic energy. It's something the comic Stranger Things Kamchatka also touches upon when Dr. Orlov created a device that harnesses telekinetic energy to bridge this world with "someplace else:"

On a semi-related note, it's interesting that every time Vecna established a psychic connection with his victims before killing them, he would do it while held up in the air by vines attached to his back:

The implication I drew from this is that said vines in Vecna's back acted as a way for him to draw power from the Upside Down. In other words, the nature of the Upside Down amplifies his abilities. For now, I'm leaning on the theory that the Upside Down is the original source of his power, and that some force from it reached Henry as a kid all those years ago at the Creel House, which activated those abilities.

Part 2: The Characters

Getting back to the book, the synopsis speaks for itself: It's a prequel centered around Terry Ives (El's mother) during her time at the Lab with Dr. Brenner, and the experiments she was subjected to that led to the creation of Eleven. While there, she befriends several other test subjects: Alice Johnson, a mechanic who (as I described before) begins having visions of the Upside Down and the future once she's given LSD and electroshocks during the experiments. Gloria Flowers, a black college student with a love for the X-Men comics who's forced to join the project to get credits for her classes. And Ken, a self-proclaimed psychic who's later revealed to be gay. All four of them form a fellowship similar to the one in The Lord of the Rings (which is something referenced in-universe by the characters themselves) as they begin to question the nature and ethics of the experiments they're undergoing.

From the way the group is written here, it's clear they're meant to invoke the Party from the show. Ken for instance has a lot of similarities to Will in his sexual orientation and having some elements of being psychic and getting certain feelings at different moments (though in Will's case, it's usually when Vecna/The Mind Flayer is active). Lucas has many similarities to Gloria in being the pragmatic member of the group and having to deal with racism directed at them because of who they are. Alice is similar to Dustin in their natural curiosity about how things work. And finally, Terry has similarities to Mike in their desire to protect the people they love and being the ones to lead the group forward in pursuit of a goal.

The book also introduces Terry's boyfriend, Andrew Rich, who's revealed to be El's true biological father. Andrew is a product of the counterculture movement of the 1960s, both in his opposition to the war in Vietnam, his (valid) distrust of the government, and his willingness to participate in events such as Woodstock and protests about social issues. The book describes him as being rich enough to afford his apartment, and Terry at one point notes he's a little spoiled because of his parents money and his expectation that it will bail him out of any trouble he gets into. Despite this, he isn't entitled or mean-spirited. He's 100% supportive of Terry, and he's shown to genuinely believe in the causes he protests for. All of which makes his fate heartbreaking later on.

If you thought Brenner was a monster for what he did to Terry Ives years later, this book makes his actions even worse. Not only did he steal El as a baby and had Terry's brain fried when she tried (and failed) to get her back, but he's also responsible for the death of Andrew. After Andrew gets in trouble at the University for protesting against the Vietnam War, Brenner specifically pulls strings in the government to get Andrew's lottery number drawn so that he's sent to the front lines in Vietnam to be killed. All of which is done to get Terry back under Brenner's control. And sadly, it works.

On top of that, Brenner's behavior in this book is straight-up psychopathic with traces of narcissism. I don't mean this the way internet users like to throw those words around to describe people they don't like, but in the actual diagnostic sense: He has no empathy for anyone, not even Kali/Eight whom he views as a lab rat and not as a five year old girl with wants and needs. He has zero issues firing people just for questioning him, or because they react in a way that irritates him. He has no moment of consciousness about pushing the boundaries of his experiments, and his reaction to possibly getting someone killed is to note the loss of potential rather than feel any guilt over his actions. He lacks remorse, he's ruthless in his pursuit of his goals, he makes impulsive decisions based on the results it will get him and doesn't give a damn about the collateral damage he causes, he's definitely power-hungry, expects nothing but respect and unquestioning loyalty from others regardless of whether or not he deserves it, and from what little we do see of his personal life, he appears to have no close relationships. Everyone is a pawn to him.

And to the people out there who keep insisting that Brenner loved the kids under his care............he didn't. His interactions with Kali/Eight in this book are proof of that. Not only is he abusive towards her (including depriving her of sleep when he finds out she's been keeping secrets from him), but his internal thoughts about her make it very clear that he does not empathize with Kali, and only indulges her on occasion to keep her under his thumb.

On a related note, this is why I take issue with Brenner apologists in the fandom who buy into the excuses he makes to El in season 4 when she confronts him about his past sins. For all the posturing he makes about caring for the special kids in his care, the truth is it was ALWAYS about him and what he wanted. He saw a potential weapon when he met Henry/One/Vecna, used him to replicate other kids with similar abilities, and was not above abusing and gaslighting them to get results. Vecna was right on the money when he said that it was all about control for Brenner. Even in the book, he displays this attitude, which rightfully disgusts Terry:

This is why I also don't agree with people who insist Brenner was redeemed in season 4. He wasn't. He never takes any responsibility for the damage he causes, and keeps insisting everything he did was justified when it wasn't. Even his dying breath is used trying to guilt-trip El into absolving him for his behavior by begging her to "understand." That is NOT redemption. And based on how El refuses to absolve Brenner as he's dying, she feels the same way. There are some things you can't be forgiven for.

Kali/Eight is also present here. She's 5 years old when this story takes place, and Brenner has kept her isolated from the other kids (and test subjects) because he wants her powers to develop more. One day, during her experiments at the lab, Terry accidentally finds Kali while roaming the halls, and after befriending her, Kali becomes a main factor in why Terry and her friends keep returning to the Lab despite knowing that Brenner is bad news: They think Kali's being held against her will by Brenner and are trying to find a way to help her escape.

If you've seen the first 2 seasons, you know EXACTLY how that's going to go.

The tragedy with Kali's character is, because of how young she is, she doesn't fully comprehend the situation around her. On some level, she's aware that Brenner is dishonest, and a big source of contention between them for most of the book is her being upset with Brenner because he keeps promising to give her a friend to play with and doesn't deliver (he only fulfills that promise at the end once he's kidnapped El, and it's not out of the pure goodness of his heart). Unfortunately, because Brenner is the parent figure she knows at that time, she still refers to him as "Papa," and goes along with what he wants because she doesn't know any better. She also isn't able to keep her visits with Terry a secret, which Brenner is quick to find out about from Kali and use to manipulate both her and Terry going forward.

This all adds new context to the scene in "The Lost Sister" when Kali is persuading El to kill Ray Carroll, the orderly responsible for torturing Kali when she was a child and frying Terry's brain with electroshocks on Brenner's orders. She isn't just pressuring El out of a desire for revenge, but also because she holds herself responsible for El and Terry's current predicament. She isn't at fault for what happened (the blame is 100% on Brenner), but she still feels like she is.

I said this before in my review of Into the Fire, but I sincerely hope the Duffer Brothers bring Kali back for season 5 and give her story a proper conclusion. There was a lot left in the air the night El left Kali behind to return to Hawkins, and it would be cathartic if both of them got closure, and if Kali was able to let go of her anger towards those who wronged her and maybe find companionship and familial love from El. My biggest worry is that, because of how badly she's hurting and because she's still lashing out from the wrongs done to her, she might be susceptible to Vecna's manipulations, especially if he tries to recruit her and use her against El. I have hope she won't descend into the same darkness Vecna has, and that she can find a way to heal, but we'll have to wait and see.

Part 3: The Ending

The last 50 pages of this book were rough to get through. It's not that they were badly written, but when you've seen the show, you know exactly what's going to happen: Kali isn't going to be rescued from the lab, Terry is going to give birth to El and have her stolen by Brenner, and Terry will spent the next several years fruitlessly trying to get El back before Brenner subjects her to a fate worse than death. The only victory Terry manages to achieve at all is faking Alice's death and helping her escape to Canada so Brenner can't use her in further experiments. It's like the writers realized it would be too much of a Downer Ending unless Terry got some way of sticking it to Brenner, so they gave her that moment as compensation. Unfortunately, it still doesn't make the ending any less depressing.

On top of that, one of the aspects that bothers me is, for all the camaraderie shown between Terry and her friends............we never see them again. There's no mention on the show about Gloria or Ken or Alice and if they're still fighting against Brenner or if they know about what happened to Terry. Did Brenner have them hunted down and silenced? Are they still alive? We're never given an answer, and it's likely we might not get one unless they write a sequel to this book. I remember a while back I had a conversation with @pusheen1802 and @lavandulaphoenix about the possibility of a spin-off focusing on Terry's friends, but that remains to be seen, and the spin-offs they have announced don't seem to be centered on that.

And this brings me to how Suspicious Minds ties in with the show....

Part 4: Canon and Continuity on Stranger Things

I said at the beginning of this review that there was a continuity snarl that I couldn't ignore, and that has to do with the year El was born.

The main plot takes place between July 1969 and June 1970 (with an epilogue on November 1970). According to the book, Terry got pregnant in November 1969, and she later gave birth to El in June 1970 after Brenner unknowingly gives Terry a special dose to cause her to give birth earlier than usual. Based on this, it would mean El would have been 13 by the time the first season of Stranger Things starts.

However, on the show, it's specifically stated that El was 12 years old when Becky is telling Hopper and Joyce about the circumstances behind Terry's supposed miscarriage.

From Season 1, Episode 6 "The Monster:"

Becky: I don't think you guys understand. Terry miscarried in the third trimester. She keeps all of this up. Been doing it for 12 years. [sigh] Terry, uh, pretends like Jane is real--like she's gonna come home someday.

If El was 12 years old, that would mean she would have to have been born in 1971. Even if we're being generous and rounding the numbers, she still would have to be 13 if she was born in 1970.

Some people might call this a small nitpick, but it's one that bothers me. I've come to accept that the Duffer Brother and the writing team for Stranger Things may not be so great with numbers and dates (*cough* Will's Birthday *cough*), but oversights like this make me question whether this book can count as canon because of that.

Then there's everything to do with Henry/One/Vecna. It's pretty clear based on how the book was written that Gwenda Bond (and likely Paul Dichter) were kept in the dark by the Duffer Brothers about One's importance to Brenner and Hawkins Lab. There is no instance in the book where Brenner ever thinks or talks about One despite him being the reason the MKULTRA program took off like it did. His inner dialogue is focused on how Kali/Eight has been the only test subject who has shown powerful abilities, and how all the other kids at the lab were "ordinary so far." Based on what's revealed in season 4, we know this isn't true. Henry/One/Vecna had powers by the time he fell into Brenner's care, and had already used them to murder his mother and sister. Brenner also knew that Henry/One/Vecna was dangerous enough that he had to be controlled, which is why he placed the soteria chip in Vecna to keep his abilities suppressed.

And I get for the purposes of the twist in season 4 why the Duffer Brothers withheld information about Henry/One/Vecna, but it unfortunately creates a plot-hole in the book when Brenner is acting like Kali/Eight is the only child who's demonstrated powers thus far.

Final Thoughts:

Usually, I give a recommendation about whether or not someone should check out a Stranger Things Tie-In, but in this case, I'm not sure how to proceed.

The book itself is well-written, and it gives interesting insight into the thought process behind the mythology of the show. It also fleshes out Terry and Brenner's characters while allowing the audience to see the circumstances behind the experiments at Hawkins Lab. However, for the reasons I've just described, I can't 100% claim this book is canon.

I hope this review has given a general overview about the book, and I hope it helps people to decide whether they want to read it or not. For what it's worth, I'm glad I did.

Coming Soon: Stranger Things Runaway Max

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