#like I’ll never be 22 again and that sucks

[fishyartist]

Wanting 2 make a scope creep nightmare of a visual novel vs my inability to focus on jack shit ever in my life.

[garoujo]

✩ ˛˚ . 𝓨𝓞𝓤 𝓟𝓡𝓔𝓣𝓔𝓝𝓓 𝓣𝓞 𝓑𝓔 𝓐𝓢𝓛𝓔𝓔𝓟 𝓐𝓡𝓞𝓤𝓝𝓓 𝓣𝓗𝓔𝓜 & 𝓨𝓞𝓤𝓡 𝓒𝓗𝓘𝓛𝓓𝓡𝓔𝓝 feat. JUJUTSU KAISEN!

ஜ ˖ ࣪࿐ྂ characters: gojo satoru, itadori yuuji, fushiguro megumi, nanami kento & geto suguru!

warnings! sfw, dad!au, all characters written age 22+, f!reader (they’re referred to as ‘mommy’) ♡ ˖ ࣪࿐ྂ note! guys i literally found these hcs written & finished at the very bottom of my drafts so i’m posting idc, theyre v old & short so they may suck but pls accept my love!

✩ ˛˚ . GOJO SATORU

you hear him gossiping to your daughter who’s only a toddler when they return home, hearing her gasp dramatically at his words as they get closer. “sweet thi— oh?” gojo cuts himself off, followed by a few seconds of silence before you hear him whisper “hm, looks like mommy’s all tired out, princess. maybe we should just forget movie night and eat dessert before dinner.”

his words are goading and you try to hide the pout on your lips when they’re followed by a few of his heavy footsteps as he approaches you, like he’s trying to size you up for a reaction — looking for it as he pays careful attention to your features like he doesn’t have ever inch of you mapped out by memory.

it seems like an instant before they’re by the side of the couch, crouching down slightly to place a gentle kiss to your cheek, soft despite the way his lips linger on the skin as they move against you — enough for you to be able to feel the signature smirk you can only assume paints his pretty features right.

“really, sweet girl? i thought you knew me better than to pretend to be asleep.” gojo drawls and you almost jolt when he whips the blanket off of you with a gasp. “awake? all this time? princess i just don’t think they wanted to watch movies with us.” his tone laced with teasing as his lips curl into a smug grin — while you watch him turn to your daughter with a hand on his hip, yes you’re roped into it, not that you’re complaining.

✩ ˛˚ . ITADORI YUUJI

you hear their shared footsteps running up the hall as you quickly pull the blanket over your body, closing your eyes just as they burst through the door, closely followed by a gasp from your husband before you hear your son copy him — you always found it charming the way he truly seen him as his idol.

“oh no, mommy’s asleep so we gotta be quiet okay?” yuuji whisper shouts, a smaller voice piping up after with a just as excitable “bu’ you said we should never sleep with no goodnigh’ kiss.” your son tries to whisper back and you want to laugh at how loud they’re both talking while also trying to be quiet.

“you’re right! good job remembering!” you’re trying your best to bite back the smile you can feel twitch at your lips — the interaction making you feel warm in the best sort of way, but you hear them both begin to approach you before there’s a suspicious silence and you wonder if you’ve been caught.

“okay you go first then i’ll go!” you finally hear your husband say and you want to smile when you feel your sons lips press against your cheek before he pulls away again, whispering as he does “goodnigh’ mommy” followed by yuuji’s shortly after with a “goodnight baby.” hearing them leave after with a very quiet high five “wanna play a game now?”

✩ ˛˚ . NANAMI KENTO

you hear your husband’s chuckle as he returns home from picking up your daughter from school, your daughter rambling about what she learned before they enter the living room, noticing you asleep on the couch before nanami shushes her gently.

“how about you tell me all about it in the kitchen, princess? let’s let your mom rest.” he grumbles and it’s silent for a moment until you hear a cabinet close, feeling the familiar touch of your husbands lips on your skin when he leans down to place a gentle kiss to your forehead.

“sleep well, sweetheart.” nanami breathes, calloused thumb smoothing over your cheek soothingly incase he woke you, but allowing your daughter to kiss the same place he did before she’s copying her dads movements and tracing over the same spot with her smaller hand.

“that’s it, good job, princess. you want to help daddy make them some tea?” he grumbles, followed by a whispered “yes” before they move quietly to the kitchen.

✩ ˛˚ . FUSHIGURO MEGUMI

it’s quiet when you hear megumi and your daughter return home from school, her smaller hand still wrapped in his bigger one as he carries her pink bag pack over his shoulder with a pout on his lips (he knows he spoils her).

but as soon as they meet your figure draped so dreamily on the couch, pretending to be asleep — all sound dies down before you’re only met with light shuffling, the noise accompanied by the feeling of a soft blanket being draped over you a few moments later.

“like this.” megumi whispers, tucking it underneath you gently, he’s being careful not to wake you and you can’t deny the way it makes your heart swell. but not as much as it does when you feel the same movements on the other side — except by a smaller pair of hands this time and you can almost imagine the soft, proud smile on his face with the little. “is mommy warm now?”

your daughter tries to whisper, the sound comes out a little louder than intended, but you don’t mind when you hear your husband huff out a laugh after. “almost.” megumi hums, silence following his words before you feel him rest his lips along your forehead a few moments later with a soft breath. “there, perfect.”

✩ ˛˚ . GETO SUGURU

you hear the gentle of hum of geto’s soft laugh as he returns home with your daughter after the school run, both of their shared footsteps shuffling down the hallway as you work to quickly make yourself look comfortable on the couch. you lie back, pulling the blankets up to your chin just a few moments before their careful steps stop in the doorway, followed by a gentle shhh from your dark haired boyfriend as you hear them both fall silent.

“is mommy sleeping?” your daughter asks before it’s followed by a set of heavy steps—confirming that’s it’s exactly who you think it is when you sense his presence squat down at the side of the couch as his dark eyes probably settle on your features.

“seems that way.” geto grunts and you give it a few moments, hoping he hasn’t picked up on your little act before you feel his fingertips brush along your cheek, followed by a sigh before he’s falling into his place beside you softly. he moves you carefully until you’re pressed in his lap and you feel his other arm raise as your daughter asks “what’re you doing?” despite the way she approaches anyway.

“hm? i think i should get to cuddle with my favourite girls. cmeer.” and you think maybe you should keep up your little act a while longer as you nuzzle yourself into his chest with a content sigh when his lips press softly against your temple. but then he speaks against your skin and you can’t help the way you have to bite back a grin. “you really think you can trick me, pretty girl? i thought you knew me better than that.”

© 2023 GAROUJO. please do not copy any of my layouts or writing and translate or repost onto any other sites.

[nolita-fairytale]

comfort & chaos | carmy berzatto x fem!reader | chapter four: 2/22/22

summary: carmy receives bad news that changes his life forever, while you're relationship with him comes to a head. (the five times carmen berzatto fell in love with you a little and the one time he finally told you)

warnings: explicit sexual content (18+ only), death, grief, mentions of suicide, no use of y/n, she/her pronouns, drinking & smoking, suggestive language

word count: 5.5k

listen to: hurting kind - del water gap | robbers - the 1975 | hostages - the howl & the hum

a/n: i need therapy after writing this. so sorry bbs love you all. ok but fr, i thought that i was going to write a smut scene that was not going to be hot bc we know it's canon that carmy does not fuck and then it ended up being really hot and i'm once again asking for therapy.

read: chapter three

2/22/22

Something happened. Can you come over?

That’s all the text said. It’s all that needed to be said for you to drop everything you were doing and hop on the subway. Your heart is pounding in your chest as you imagine every single worst case scenario possible. Carmy had given you little context in regards to what this was about, and you almost regret not asking as your mind runs rampant with possibilities. Not that he would’ve given you an answer. Something about him seemed different. He’d never sent that urgent of a text. 

Not even when the restaurant was slammed and he needed you to come in on your day off. 

Something happened. 

The words continue to echo in your head until you reach him. 

You're at Carmy’s doorstep faster than you ever thought your feet could carry you, and when he opens the door for you, your heart breaks. He’s wrecked. His face is a flushed red, though you don’t think it’s from crying, and he looks like he hasn’t washed his fuckin’ hair in days. You take in his somber expression, like all of the joy he’s ever experienced has been sucked out of him. 

Carmy steps aside, allowing him into your apartment. 

He mumbles something you can barely hear, gesturing towards the couch, so you follow him, taking a seat on the crappy couch you’ve come to love. He stares at the floor, his eyes cold and empty, as you sit in silence. 

It’s you who breaks it, bursting at the seams with anxiety.

“Carmy, you’re scaring me,” you say softly. 

He keeps his eyes fixed on the floor as he licks his lips, swallowing as he opens his mouth to say something. It’s a few moments later that he’s finally able to put two words together to tell you what happened. 

“It’s Michael,” is all he manages to get out. You can hear the break in his voice when he utters Michael’s name, and you’re terrified of what he’s going to say next. 

“Your brother?” you ask, secretly hoping he won’t say yes. 

You feel your stomach drop. 

Carmy nods slowly, “Yeah.” 

He takes a few beats before saying anything else, his head swimming. On one hand it doesn’t feel real, and if he doesn’t say it out loud, maybe it won’t be. There’s a part of him that still thinks this is some cruel, sick joke that Mikey cooked up, just to fuck with him. 

But he knows it’s real. He could hear it in the way that Sugar’s voice broke on the phone. He could hear it in the way that Richie practically screamed at him to stop being such a fuckin’ cuck and come home. He knows it’s real, because for the first time in years, his mom’s called him. 

Must be Sugar or something calling from her phone for her…. ‘S gotta be, he thinks to himself. 

“He’s-,” Carmy starts, before stopping again. Carmy looks away, in the opposite direction of you, focusing his eyes on something outside of the window. 

He can’t look at you because if he looks at you, he might lose it. 

“He’s dead.”

“Oh Carmy,” you gasp, your heart wrenching in your chest as the words leave his mouth. You reach out to touch him, but he flinches, pulling away from you. 

“No,” is all he says through gritted teeth. 

You cannot touch me. You cannot make me feel better about this because I’ll have to feel worse about this, is what he wants to say. 

“The fuckin’ asshole shot himself on the State Street bridge. I don’t-, you don’t get to make me feel better about this,” he snaps, his tone almost a warning. 

“Fuck,” you sigh, sitting up straight and leaning towards him. He may not want your comforts, so you’re going to give your presence. He had asked you to come over after all, right? “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be,” he says, coldly. 

His response is jarring, leaving an unsavory taste in your mouth. You understand that he’s just gotten the most unimaginable news, but it doesn’t sit right with that he’s taking it out on you either. Is that why he invited you over? To be his punching bag? Instead, you decide to pivot to crisis control-mode, hoping to remedy some of the animosity he’s harboring. 

“Okay, well, I’ll call Kate and let her know that you can’t come in tonight, if that helps. Just so you don’t have to-,” you suggest. 

“Why would you fucking do that?” he yells, snapping his head towards you as he finally turns towards you. You can see it in his eyes: how angry and devastated he is – at Michael, at what happened – and even though you know it’s not personal, it stings all the same.

“Because!” you shout back. “Carmy, you just found out-... something terrible. I just don’t think you should-.”

“Yeah, well you don’t get to tell me what to do. You’re not my mom and you’re not my girlfriend so,” he’s quick to retort, rebelliously. 

You scoff at him, shaking your head in utter disbelief.

“You’ve got some fucking nerve, Carmen,” you cut him off with a yell. You know he’s hurting, but this is where you draw the line. “I’m well aware that I am not your girlfriend, but I am your friend, and I care about you.”

You’re right. 

He knows you’re right. 

He knows he’s being a dick, but it’s like he can’t stop his own rage from spilling out sideways as yells:

“Well, if you don’t want to be here, then get out!”

“Stop it!” you cut him off, venom in your voice. 

Carmy looks at you, his bloodshot eyes wide with utter despair. 

“You called me, Carmy. So shut the fuck up and let me fucking help,” you lower your voice, bringing the confrontation between the two of you back down. 

With his eyes fixed to the floor, his mind zoning out to numb the pain, he manages to get out, “I don’t want to-. I need to go to work tonight.”

“I really don’t think that’s a good idea,” you plead softly, yet firmly. 

“Yeah, well, you don’t get to make that decision,” he dismisses. 

He’s right. You don’t. 

“Yeah, okay,” you sigh, giving in. 

It’s a horrible idea – for Carmy to go into the restaurant – but you know he’s going to do it anyway. 

“What can I do for you in the meantime?”

“I just-, I don’t think I can be alone right now,” he mumbles, averting his eyes once again. “Can you just like… sit here with me? Till we gotta go?”

“Yeah.”

The afternoon passes slowly, and you feel like the both of you have been lit on fire – only a matter of time before you burn his whole place down. As you’re getting ready to leave, Carmy sprints into the bathroom, emptying what little contents he has in his stomach into the toilet. You’d been aware that he’d been having some trouble – throwing up before work – but he’d refused to see a doctor. Another decision he’d made clear wasn’t yours to make. What you weren’t aware of was that it had gotten this bad.

Like you’d imagined, going into the restaurant had been a mistake. It hadn’t taken long for Carmy to blow up at a line cook, mid-shift, over an undercooked duck breast. Sure, it was a big mistake, but Carmy had sent the line cook home after making a very public example of them. After the event, Tim had urged Carmy to take a break, offering to expedite for a few, while you rushed him into the walk-in. 

“Hey! You can’t do this shit. Not here. These people look up to you!” you chastise him. 

“He’s a fucking idiot! How do you undercook a fucking-,” Carmy yells, his face twisted into a look of disgust.  

“Carmy!” you shout, stopping him mid-sentence. 

You both know this is not about the duck breast. 

You share a moment of silence together, the cold of the walk-in leaving goosebumps on your skin. You lower your voice, a quiet and intentional demand leave your lips as you instruct:

“Listen, I’m going to give you five minutes to fuckin’ lose it in here, and then you’ve gotta pull it together and finish dinner service, okay?” 

He nods in response, his lips pressed together in a thin, tight line. You watch him pace a few times, before he clutches at his chest, his breathing becoming more uneven. 

This is why coming in had been the worst idea ever. 

“Carmy, are you o-?" you start, genuinely worried about him. You feel like your head is spinning. Carmy is losing control and all you can do is watch. 

He holds out a hand, as if to stop you from coming any closer, so reluctantly, you leave him to it, closing the door behind you. The sound of empty storage containers being thrown across the walk-in fills your ears, as you close the door to the walk-in behind you. You feel like your heart is caught in your throat and watching him go through this is more painful than you could’ve ever imagined. You take a deep breath before returning to your station, keeping your head down for the rest of the shift. 

Dinner service is pure chaos as Carmy undulates from unbroken focus to volatile and unpredictable throughout making the evening hell for the rest of you. The tension is thick, and it’s as if everyone is walking on eggshells around him, more so than normal. By the time it’s over, you insist on walking Carmy home. You make a stop at your favorite deli near his apartment to pick up a quart container of matzo ball soup on the way.

“You gotta eat something,” you encourage, the silence in his apartment deafening.

You’re met with silence as he stares blankly at the table in front of him, his spoon dipped into the soup. Instead, you sit with him, watching him take a few sips of the broth, while the actual food in the soup goes untouched. He doesn’t have the stomach for it. 

He doesn’t know if he has the stomach for this either. 

All of this. Any of this. 

You eventually give in, packing up the soup to put in the fridge for another day, even though you know he’ll probably just toss it when you leave. Just when you think it’s time for you to go, he stops you with the most tender touch to your arm, as he asks:

“Stay?” 

His eyes are watery, and although he’s going to let himself cry yet, he looks more vulnerable than he’s looked all day. How could you say no?

“Yeah,” you agree. 

You change into one of your favorite t-shirts of his and the pair of sweatpants that he always seems to give you as you get ready for bed. He doesn’t even wear them anymore, as if he knows they’ve become your favorite… as if they’ve just become yours. You spend the evening with the TV on, not talking, just sitting in each others’ company. You watch as he smokes a cigarette inside, stress-running a hand through his slicked back hair from his shift earlier. 

Tonight feels heavy. 

Tonight is heavy. 

Before bed, you fill up a glass of water for him, before placing it on his bedside table. Carmy lays on his back, staring up at the ceiling, as you crawl into bed with him. 

He’s too afraid to his close his eye, because if he closes his eyes he’ll picture it: the State Street bridge, Michael…. 

How could he? he thinks to himself, the bitter taste of betrayal welling up at the bottom of his throat. 

You close your eyes, trying your best to fall asleep next to Carmy – something that feels like an impossible task when you can practically hear him thinking out loud beside you. Instead, the two of you just lay there, frozen in silence. You’re not sure how long you’ve been doing it for when you feel Carmy shift closer to you. 

He turns to you so tenderly, practically folding himself into your body, earning the smallest gasp of surprise from you. You’ve never seen him like this as he buries his face into your chest, his body shaking against yours. It’s then that you realize he’s crying, and you know it’s highly likely that this is the first time he’s cried since he heard the news. 

“Carm?” you whisper, unsure if he wants you to acknowledge it or not. 

“Carmy.” 

But he doesn’t respond. He just cries. 

So you let him. 

“I’m so sorry, Carm. I’m so sorry,” you whisper, over and over again. 

You stroke his hair, wanting nothing more than to ease the pain of your best friend, but you know there isn’t much you can do. Instead, you let him cry, running your fingers along his scalp and through his delicate curls, desperate to give him any kind of comfort you can. This is breaking your heart. You fight the tears coming to your eyes because this is so not about you right now. 

Carmy’s body shakes against yours as he finally lets go, surrendering to the huge waves of pain and grief that crash and pull him under. He feels like he’s being taken under a riptide, never to see the surface again. He knows he’s been wildly unfair to you and as he weeps against your body and he’s not sure what he’s done to deserve someone like you. 

Someone who chooses to say, even when he’s being a dick. 

Someone who cares enough to fight with him. 

Someone who cares for him like this. 

When he finally looks up at you with bloodshot eyes and swollen lips, all he can think to do is to kiss you. 

It catches you off guard as he surges forward, pressing his lips against yours, that for a moment, you let him. 

But reality hits and you’re afraid he’s gotten too carried away, swept up in a moment of grief. 

“Carmy, stop it. You’re not-, you’re not okay right now,” you murmur, pushing him away.

He leans his head against your chest again with a sigh, letting out another sob, almost as if he’s given up on the idea. You feel like he’s put you in an impossible position. You’d have been lying if you said you didn’t want to – hadn’t thought about kissing him before – but this felt wrong. He was vulnerable, and you know you’ll both regret it in the morning. 

“I’m sorry, Carm,” you apologize quietly. “I just feel like-, well I’d feel like I'd be taking advantage. I don’t think we should.”

His silence only makes you more nervous, beginning to over explain yourself.

“It’s not that I don’t want to. I-, I do. I just… I don’t want you to regret it because… because you’re upset right now and cause you more-.”

“Please,” is all he says, cutting you off mid-sentence. With the way he’s looking at you, like you’re the sun, the moon, and you hang the stars, you’re not sure how to say no. 

Carmy leans in to kiss you once more before whispering mere inches away from your lips:

“Please.”

He presses his lips against yours again, immediately regretting his past self for not doing this sooner. He’s never tasted anything sweeter than you, and the way you kiss him back seems to bring all thoughts flooding his brain to a halt.

In between kisses you manage enough self control to stammer out, “Are you- are you sure? Is this really what you-?”

“Yes,” he replies, as if it’s a declaration.

“I’ve wanted this for so long. Just-, please,” he pleads, murmuring your name into the soft kisses he begins to leave across your collarbone. “Just wanna feel good.”

“Just wanna feel good,” he repeats. 

You surrender, letting go of your own ambivalence as you focus on the way his lips feel against your skin. It’s then that you realize what absolute fucking idiots the two of you had been for the past few years by ignoring this thing between the two of you. For a moment, you’ll tear down the walls, the rigid boundaries that you’ve kept to help you compartmentalize your relationship with Carmy. 

There’s no possibility of hiding from it when his body feels this good so close to yours. 

The truth is that you are fully, wholly, and stupidly in love with each other. 

“Yes,” you parrot.

With your confirmation, his mouth is back on yours, as you’re pulling him on top of you, deeper into your shared passionate liplock. He wonders why he’s denied himself the pleasure of having you, for this goddamn long. His tongue slides against yours, a tender hand moving up to cup your face. The way his name sounds tumbling out of your mouth sends him into a frenzy. It feels absolutely intoxicating and he can’t get enough. 

Carmy’s hands begin to wander, fingertips sliding at an experimental pace underneath the hem of the t-shirt you’re wearing. You shudder against his touch, gasping as you anticipate where this is going. 

Carmy raises his head to look at you, not sure if it’s a good thing or not. 

“This okay?” he asks you, concern evident in his voice. 

“Yeah,” you nod, giving him permission. “Yeah.”

“Okay,” he whispers.

And then he’s kissing you again, dragging calloused fingertips up and down your torso underneath the shirt, hesitantly making their way to where they’d like to be. You’re not wearing a bra, he realizes, as his fingertips find soft, supple skin at the rounded bottom of your breast. He follows the shape of it, before bringing a cautious palm up to grab hold of the fullness of your breast. You arch into his touch, encouraging him further. Carmy takes his time exploring your body, giving you the lightest touch as his fingertips graze your nipple. 

“Can I take this off?” he questions, only willing to move forward if you say yes.

You nod, breathlessly, “Please.”

You watch as he sits up, pushing the hem of your shirt up over your breasts, revealing your bare body to him. He has to hold back a groan, swallowing hard. 

Carmy stops what he’s doing, in pure awe of you, as he marvels at you. He can’t believe this is real: that you’re here, laying in his bed, allowing him to do the things he thought could only live in his head. 

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” are the words that tumble out of his mouth and you think you may cry. 

“Touch me,” you whisper desperately, begging him to come back to you. 

“Touch me, Carmy.”

Carmy lays his body over yours, and you spread your legs wider, allowing him to fit perfectly between them. He begins to roll his hips against yours as he returns his attention back to your bare breasts. He drags his fingertips over your erect nipples, following his touch with his mouth. 

He practically groans as he wraps his lips around one of your nipples, earning a strangled whine from you as his hot, wet mouth engulfs you. 

“Carmy,” you moan, arching into him. 

He’s rolling his hips against your clothed core on pure instinct, as he takes his time, now exploring unfamiliar territory with his lips and his tongue. You find a good rhythm as he continues to drag his mouth over you, grinding your hips into his underneath your remaining clothes. He’s surprisingly good at this – something you hadn’t expected considering he’d let you know he didn’t have much experience when it came to dating. You assumed that that meant sexually as well. 

As Carmy moves to your other breast, you feel one of his hands snake under the elastic waistband of your sweatpants, lifting his hips so he can feel you. You know you’ve soaked through your cotton panties from the anticipation, and it goes right to his dick as he feels just how wet you are. He doesn’t have much experience with this, but he’s seen in porn. He begins to rub circles across your clothed core, while he busies his mouth with exploring your other breast. 

But he’s not quite where you want him.

“Wait,” you say, stopping him. 

Had he just gotten caught up in the moment?

Did you not want to go this far?

“Did I do something wrong?” he asks you, a concerned tone in his voice. 

“No,” you’re quick to reassure him, shaking your head. “No, I just-.”

Instead of explaining, you reach down to grab his hand, guiding him just a little higher up to your clit. He presses the rough pad of his index finger against it, finally touching you where you need him, gasping to let him know that he’s found the right spot. His eyes are locked on you, watching your face change as the new spot you’ve shown him brings you more pleasure than he could’ve imagined. 

He practically groans into your mouth when he hears the way you whine his name, and he swears he’ll do anything to hear you say it again. 

“There?” he asks you, rubbing tight circles across your clit. 

“Yes,” you pant, growing wetter with every touch. 

Carmy pulls away just for a moment, daring to touch you underneath your panties. You’re so wet for him, and he thinks he may lose his mind as he slides his index finger in between your folds curiously.

“Take them off,” you practically demand. 

“Hm?” he hums, lost in the way you look at him with hooded lids and pupils blown out with pure desire. 

He’s never been this guy. 

The guy that gets the girl. 

He never knew he could feel like this guy, but here you are, begging him to undress you. 

“I said take them off,” you repeat yourself, more desperate this time. You take a lighter approach with what you say next, the smallest giggle in your voice. “And while you’re at it, we gotta get you naked too.” 

“Yeah,” he says, with the kind of conviction he’d say ‘heard’ with. 

He’s stripping off his shirt, and you’re sliding your pants and underwear off with him. 

“I have a condom in my emergency kit,” you say, the both of you busy shedding your clothes. 

“Yeah?” he asks you, relieved to hear it. He hadn’t thought that far yet. 

“Yeah, hold on,” you reply, getting up from the bed. 

Carmy thinks he may pass out as he watches you stand, giving him a full view of your naked body. You disappear only for a moment, before returning with the small emergency kit you always keep in your backpack. It’s equipped with all the ‘just-in-cases:’ tampons, panty liners, safety pins… condoms. You pull out a single condom before returning to the bed. Carmy’s kneeling on the bed, and you mirror his body language, doing the same. 

“What would you like to do?” you inquire softly. 

As turned on and hot for him as you are, you want to make sure that he still wants to do this. He finds himself surprised at your question, not sure how to answer it. 

“Think we can just pick up where we left off?” he asks you. 

“Yeah,” you reply. 

You place the condom down beside you on the bed, before leaning in to press your lips against his again. He inhales as you kiss him, his tongue immediately sliding against yours as one of his hands goes to the back of your head, pulling you closer to him. He’s surprised as you pull away from him, beginning to leave hot, open mouthed kisses down his neck, his chest, and he hisses in anticipation as run your hands down his muscular abdomen, following with your mouth. 

“Hold on, I uh-,” he stutters out, as he anticipates where you’re going with this. 

You pause, sitting up tall as you kneel, your body across from his. 

“I just uh… if you do that, I don’t know if I’ll last long,” he admits, a blush running across his cheeks. 

“Yeah, no. Totally cool,” you reassure him, before crashing your lips against his once again. 

As you tangle your tongues together once again, Carmy begins to lead you down towards the bed, pushing you back, and climbing on top of you. He still has his sweatpants on, so you begin to bring your hands down to them. He hisses as you cup his rock hard erection, pleasantly surprised by what you feel. 

“Wanna take these off?” you ask in between kisses. 

“Yeah,” Carmy nods, sitting up for a moment. 

You wait with baited breath as he strips his sweatpants off, wondering if he’s as thick as he feels. You’re practically pulsing, squeezing around nothing as you finally see him, Carmy, your best friend, fully naked. 

God, he’s beautiful. 

How had you not noticed how physically attractive he was? 

It’s not that you hadn’t noticed. It’s that you hadn’t let yourself think about it. 

You reach over to where you left the condom, handing it to him. Carmy takes it, a blush running across his cheeks as he rolls it on, still in disbelief that you’re about to do this. He returns to you, laying his body over top of you as you space for him once again between your legs. He’s hesitant to give you his full bodyweight as he gives you a long, passionate kiss. And before he knows it, you’re reaching down to stroke him, and he’s thrusting into your hand, his breath becoming heavier and heavier. 

You feel him as he presses his tip against you, rubbing it up and down before pushing into you. You both gasp as he gives you shallow thrusts, testing the waters, thrusting deeper into you with each one.

He pauses, exhaling as he’s fully inside of you. You’re pulsing around him, practically causing him to lose his mind with the way you feel alone.

“Fffffuck, you feel good,” he moans, trying not to cum right then and there. 

He begins giving you shallow, hesitant thrusts, unsure of himself. He wants to make you feel good. And he’s also terrified that this is going to end before it’s even properly started. 

Carmy stops again, pausing within you. 

“Sorry, I just-.” 

“No, it’s okay. Take your time.”

He’s nervous. You can tell he’s nervous and that he’s trying not to cum. 

“How about… I take control?” you suggest, hesitantly. “And that way, if you need me to stop we can um… well, you can just tell me.”

“Uh… yeah,” he agrees with a nod. “Sure.” 

Clumsily, the two of you switch positions, making sure he knows you’re okay with this. As he lies on his back, staring up at you, you straddle his hips, giving him the smallest smile. You reach down, guiding him into you once again. You gasp as he fills you, his thick cock stretching you, especially in this position. Carmy’s hands go to your hips as he watches you take him. 

“You feel really good too, Carm,” you finally say, your hands moving to his chest to brace yourself as you begin shifting your hips forward and back at the most unbearably slow pace. 

Carmy thinks he must be dreaming as he watches you ride him. His hands slide over your hips, wrapping around your body so that he can touch your butt. He’s practically digging the pads of his fingers into your hips as you begin moving over him at a faster pace. 

“Shit… you’re really good at this,” he groans, as you lean down to kiss him. 

You giggle against his lips, and whatever thoughts he has in his head disappear. Carmy begins thrusting up into you, his hands on your hips encouraging you to move a little faster as you kiss him. You’re moaning his name, whining as you feel every single inch of his cock slide against your walls, becoming more and more breathless by the minute. Your gasps turn into moans, getting higher in pitch as you go. His hands are guiding your hips, taking some control back as you grind against each other. 

“Carmy,” you cry out as he thrusts his hips hard into you. “If you keep doing that, I’m gonna cum.” 

“Yeah?” he asks. You nod, breathless, as you bury your face into his chest. 

He holds your hips down, pinning you down against him as pushing his hips into yours. 

“You wanna switch?” he asks, breathless. “Can I-?” 

“Please,” you reply eagerly.

You switch positions once more, and as Carmy guides himself into you again, you can tell he’s much more confident than last time you’d found yourself in this position. You wrap a leg around his waist and he holds you there, beginning to move his hips against yours again. He works his way up to a rapid pace, his face turning red as he does, and you’re writhing underneath his body, whispering the dirtiest things into his ear with every single thrust.

“Holy shit, Carmy. You feel so goddamn good too,” you praise him. “God, you’re gonna make me cum.”

“Yeah?” he manages to get out in between grunts. 

“Yes. Please let me cum,” you beg him, as he hits that spot inside of you, earning another loud cry. 

“Don’t stop.”

He’s surprised to learn that he likes it when you beg as he tangles his fingers with yours, pinning you down so that he can fuck you. With your hand in his, so close to your climax, you let slip:

“I thought about this too. I’ve wanted this for so long too, Carmy.”

“Fuck,” he howls as he drives into you, his sole purpose to earn more praise from you. To hear you cry out his name. To give you what you’ve been begging for. 

You angle your hips upward so that he can go even deeper, hitting all the way to the back of you. You’re grasping at his back, his arms, his biceps, hanging onto any piece of him that you can as he shudders, letting out the most guttural sounds. You’re squeezing around him, as he takes you to your high. The feeling of you cumming, squeezing around him like your life depends on it drive him wild, and he’s fucking you through it, the feeling of your orgasm bringing him to his. 

As you finally come down, you pull Carmy in for a searing kiss. 

“Holy shit, Carm,” you say, breathlessly. 

“Yeah,” he pants against your lips. 

Even if just for tonight, all feels right in the world. 

This feels right. 

*

The light of day is sobering. Before Carmy’s even had a chance to open his eyes, the events of the day before come flooding in, running in vicious circles around his mind: the phone call from Sugar, Richie screaming at him… and then…. 

Fuck. 

He’d crossed the line with you. 

He doesn’t know whether to be mad at himself or devastated that he fucked up, considering he’s sure as hell not going to let himself feel anything about Mikey yet. 

Michael. 

Michael’s dead. 

And he might’ve done the one thing he swore he wouldn’t do – the one thing that he’d been afraid of: that he might just lose you. 

As you stir in bed next to him, slowly blinking your eyes open, you turn over on your side. Carmy’s sitting on the edge of the bed and you can see Carmy’s stuck in his head. While you’d let yourself surrender to whatever that was last night, you knew today was different. 

“Hey,” is all you say, hugging Carmy’s bed sheets closer to your naked body. 

“Um… listen. We don’t have to-,” you begin, searching for the right words. “Let’s just forget about this, okay? I don’t-. You’ve got a lot going right now and-.”

You take a breath. You know the two of you can’t be together right now, even after your revelation last night. 

“I don’t want to lose you.”

Carmy swallows, fighting back the emotions that begin to swell in his chest. 

He feels sick to his stomach. 

But he doesn’t want to do this in front of you. 

“Yeah, no. We can… we can just forget it,” is all he gets out, his eyes fixed on the floor. 

“You sure?” you question. 

He takes a beat before answering:

“I don’t want to lose you either.” 

And even with the declaration you’d made – the promise to forget since neither of you could afford to lose each other – things had become different. In the weeks following, your communications with Carmy were less than normal. While you understood he was processing, grieving, he’d withdrawn from you, and it hurt more than you had the words for. 

You’d check in, making sure he knew you were here for him if he needed to talk. But he put his head down, working night after night at the restaurant, cold, stoic, and checked out. You worried about him. And you also knew that you both needed some space from each other. 

Some days you regret it – sleeping together – and other days, you don’t. You think that maybe everyone had been right about the two of you all along – that this had been inevitable. But it happened under the worst timing, the worst circumstances and you miss your best friend. You wish, in some ways, that two of you could just go back to normal.

read: chapter five

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[chaoticace2005]

The list of regrets I totally have and am not just writing because Charlie is making me, Vagina Vaggie is glaring at me, and I want the free rent:

By Angel Dust, 3 time X-X-X award winner.

(Warning, there is some victim blaming in this. The abuse Angel faces from Val is not his fault, but given that I’m writing this from his perspective I figured it would be something he’d add.)

1. Writing this list

2. Verbally complaining about writing this list cause now Vagina wants to stab me.

3. Only taking half my usual hit before starting today.

4. Complaining about not being high enough.

5. Not hiding my drugs better

6. Not having more stashes of drugs

7. Calling TV superior to radio.

8. Not killing that snake before he had a chance to go to the hotel.

9. Not “trying hard enough” at this shitty hotel.

10. Being too close to roof so the CRAZY BITCH COULD THROW ME OFF OF IT.

11. Walking up the stairs with Pentious only to have to go IMMEDIATELY BACK DOWN.

12. Signing my deal with fucking Valentino. Seriously I’m a fucking idiot.

13. Even suggesting the idea that Charlie should come to the studio. She’s just going to get hurt.

14. Mouthing off to Val.

15. Not getting Charlie out of the hotel sooner

16. Being such a pathetic, dick sucking ho who isn’t good at anything beyond sex.

17. Not being able to take all of this.

18. Not acting well enough cause some this bitchass cat is seeing through me.

19. Ever offering that bitchass cat my services.

20. Pushing Husk’s boundaries

21. Not being my true self.

22. Acting for so long I don’t even really know who my true self is

23. Being a dick to Charlie

24. Being a dick to Husk

25. Being a dick to everyone

26. Putting my dick in a vacuum cleaner.

27. Calling Smiles a creepy dommy daddy.

28. Letting Niffty know about some of my more kinky films. She’s getting ideas…

29. Trying to play poker with Husk (and not even strip poker!)

30. Testing if my venom works on myself (it doesn’t and now I have pink bite marks)

31. Leaving what I used to clean my bites out because somehow Alastor found them and is now TEMPORARILY PARALYZED AND I DONT WANT HIM TO KILL ME WHEN HE CAN MOVE AGAIN.

32. Not answering Val’s texts.

33. Wearing boots. Seriously these things hurt sometimes.

34. Having ugly feet so I can’t NOT wear boots.

35. Tracking mud into the hotel

36. Mentioning sex around the Egg Bois because now I have to explain what it is.

37. Describing sex as something their boss “has never had,” it got back to Pentious and I’m scared.

38. Mentioning “Vox” anywhere in Alastor’s vicinity.

39. Agreeing to play Monopoly with Niffty. In general Monopoly sucks but Niffty likes to get knives involved?!?!

40. Getting addicted to drugs.

41. Getting caught in that alleyway by my BITCHASS brother.

42. Not trying harder for Molly.

43. Not saying goodbye.

44. Fucking overdosing.

45. Doing literally fucking nothing with my life and nothing with my death.

46. Taking the easy was out and doing whatever pops told me to

47. Yelling “FUCK” loudly in church that one time

48. Not teaching these people at the hotel how to FUCKING MAKE SPAGHETTI RIGHT?!

49. Getting high with Cherri.

50. Telling Val to “fuck off”

51. Flirting with that one cannibal guy because now they all seem to want to EAT ME (and not in the sexy way)

52. Leaving those pot brownies out. High cannibals, Egg Boiz, and Nifftys are terrifying.

53. Letting myself be named “Angel” because this makes shit too damn confusing plus I think Niffty wants to KILL ME?!

54. Not spending more time with these losers

55. Not opening myself up to Husk sooner.

56. Being too much of a coward to tell him how I feel.

57. Mentioning Pent has two dicks to Cherri cause she won’t stop asking about it.

58. Not doing enough to save Pentious.

59. Not telling him how much he means to me.

60. Trying to lift way more than I should have. Apparently six arms doesn’t mean I’m super strong.

61. Calling Niss a short motherfucker who nobody likes. I’m sorry, I’ll be better (and call him something even worse next time.)

62. Still being too much of a coward to tell Husk how I feel.

63. Flirting with Husk in Italian when he UNDERSTOOD ME THIS WHOLE DAMN TIME?!

64. Getting a room on the same side of the building as Alastor’s because he keeps laughing at 3 in the morning???

65. Kissing Husk in public. Val is mad.

66. Trying to even have a boyfriend with Val around. It’s stupid.

67. Calling yourself stupid for wanting to have a boyfriend.

68. Giving my boyfriend access to this list.

69. No regrets. Only 69. :D (Jesus Christ you’re a child.)

[call-me-maggie13]

Things my coworkers said during the Barbie movie:

Carson (17) : “wait. Is Ken the OG incel?”

Jermie (22) : “where do I get those rollerblades?” Also “That little girl is kinda mean. It’s not Barbie’s fault the world sucks. She should punch a president instead of yelling at Barbie.”

Jalen (19) : “now I’m upset that horses don’t run the world.”

Ken (24) : [quietly, during “I’m Just Ken,” in time with the music] “Ken. Ken. Ken. Ken. Ken.”

Caleb (18, his first day was the same day we went to the movie) : “I always thought I would want Morgan Freeman to narrate my life, but now I want Lizzo to write a song about it.”

Nathan (22, dressed up as Allan) : “Midge is actually Allan’s wife. Did you know that? He’s not actually gay. I mean, he is because him and Ken definitely fuck but - ” [gets told to shut up by another movie-goer] [quietly] “some people don’t know the Barbie lore and it shows.”

Cody (20, brought his gf but made her sit alone so he could sit with us) : “I like the little old lady. She reminds me of my granny. Except less racist.”

Questions the boys asked after the Barbie movie:

Carson : “I don’t think I understood it. Why was Barbieland supposed to be better than the real world if the Kens were treated like objects.” [we all kinda explain it] “Wait. Maggie. You feel like a Ken every day? I’m so sorry.”

Jermie : “Why did the old lady not tell Barbie she could be real? Is that something I was supposed to understand?”

Jalen : “Was that Dua Lipa? Was she a mermaid? Also, Ryan Gosling? Margot Robbie? Kate McKinnon? Dude. I thought this was gunna be bad just because it had so many big Hollywood people. But it was - god. Greta Gerwig will definitely be mentioned in my next therapy session. Can we come back next week?”

Ken : “Did you cry? I didn’t cry. It was alright.” (he definitely cried. Twice. I sat next to him.)

Caleb : “Can we get matching I Am Kenough shirts?”

Nathan : “Can I write a letter to Greta Gerwig to both thank her and ask her to never make a movie again? I don’t think I’ll survive another Greta movie.” (He has seen Little Women (2019) and Lady Bird (2017). He claims to have not recovered from either of them as well.)

Cody : “What’s a gynecologist?”

[luvangelbreak]

Deprived | Seventeen

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 matthew sturniolo x layla venita (female!oc) summary: everyone knows the story of the bad boy and the good girl but what happens when the school's most popular boy, Matthew Sturniolo, and the girl who notoriously is never there, Layla Venita, cross paths. warnings: smut (sorry I'm addicted now), oral (fem!receiving), slight overstimulation, mentions of abuse (domestic), swearing, mentions of drugs (weed) word count: 3.1k a/n: this one is an emotional rollercoaster yall i apologise

pov: layla

“Go straight to my room. I’ll be there in a sec,” Matt whispered as he opened the front door. With a curt nod and wobbly feet, I bolted upstairs to his room and closed the door behind me.

I heard murmurs of voice downstairs and I sighed, pulling away from the door as I kicked my shoes off. The pulse between my legs hadn’t subsided and groaned, flopping back onto Matt’s bed.

My pants felt uncomfortable around my legs, the warmth of their heater making me start to sweat with the hoodie and jeans on. I decided I would take my pants off and hide under the covers till Matt was able to give me some shorts to wear.

I slid under the silky covers, mind racing with only thoughts of him as I moved my legs around, the material feeling smooth on my bare skin. The door swung open making me jump before I realised it was Matt and he closed the door behind him, locking it before turning to look at me.

“The second time you’ve been at my house and you act like you own the place already,” he teased with a smile and I shrugged, eyes heavy as I looked at him. The last of the sun was shining through his bedroom window, allowing enough light for me to see him perfectly.

“Not my fault you have a comfy bed,” I retorted as he shook his head, throwing his keys on his desk before walking over to me.

“My parents will kill me if they find out you’re high,” his tone shifted to slightly more concerned and I let my face drop, feeling bad that I was putting him through this.

“I’m sorry. I can go home,” I sat up, guilt flooding my body as his face softened before he shook his head.

“I told them you didn’t feel good and your dad wasn’t home so they won’t disturb us. Just don’t go downstairs till they fall asleep,” he answered before leaning forward, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear as my worried gaze softened again.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered apologetically as my eyes fell to his lips before scanning his face.

“I’m glad you called me,” he smiled, leaning forward and placing a kiss on my forehead. I smiled up at him before his eyes landed on my lap and I hadn’t realised the covers had slid forward from his movements, “Why aren’t you wearing pants?”

“My jeans were uncomfortable,” I whined, throwing my head back into the pillows and he smirked down at me.

“Do u want pants?” he asked and I shook my head, my eyes meeting his lips again.

“We’re just staying in here right?” I asked, sitting back up again as he hummed in response and I smiled at him, “Then there’s no need for pants.”

“Are you just trying to entice me right now?” he asked, a glimmer of teasing in his eyes and I gasped dramatically, throwing a hand to my chest.

“How dare you accuse me of such a thing?” I let my jaw drop and he smiled at me as he shook his head. I leaned forward, placing a kiss on his lips before mumbling, “But yes I am. Are you done being a morally right man?”

“You’re making it very hard to be one,” he whispered against my lips and I smiled, sliding the covers off of myself fully before I moved to straddle his waist, sliding my arms around his shoulders as the heat spread across my body. I trailed my lips from his, down his jawline to the spot on his neck that I sucked and bit in the car.

“Come on,” I enticed him further as I let one of my hands tangle in his hair, the other travelling down his clothes torso as his breathing quickened, “Have some fun, pretty boy.”

“Layls," he breathed hesitantly and I pursed my lips, pulling back to look at his face, "I'm not gonna fuck you right now."

"You don't have to," I leaned forward pressing a kiss to his lips, "There are lots of other options though."

"Fuck it," he mumbled, lifting me off of his lap and throwing me onto the bed with a thump as I let out a huff from the impact. He slid his hoodie over his head, discarding it on the floor aimlessly and I didn't even have a moment to register his torso before he grabbed my thighs, pulling me to the edge of the bed as he stood between them. He leaned down, placing a feverish kiss against my lips before he travelled down my neck and I sighed in content.

"Matt," I breathed out and he paused his movements, placing a hand over my mouth as he hooked his other hand under the waistband of my underwear.

"Can you stay quiet, pretty girl?" he whispered, a smirk plastered on his face and his sudden confidence had my thighs squeezing around his legs. I nodded, pursing my lips under his hand as I shifted my hips impatiently. He lifted his hand off of my mouth, still trailing his soft fingertips on the waistband of my underwear.

"Please," I whispered, grabbing his wrist that was near my underwear as he chuckled at me, dipping his head into my neck and biting across it making me let out a heavy sigh.

"So cute," he mumbled against my skin before dipping his hand under the waistband, a finger running against my core making me clench my jaw to stay quiet, "You make a sound and I stop."

"Fuck," I whispered, his dominance turning me on more than I expected. My mind was swirled as I trained my eyes on the ceiling, trying to focus on not making sounds as his fingers trailed circled around my clit bringing me pure ecstasy. As he continued his assault on my neck, he dipped a single finger into my pussy causing me to grip his wrist tightly to help myself not cry out in pleasure.

"You're doing so good, baby," he breathed against my neck heavily and I sighed, the praise making me want to moan loudly even more, "I know, pretty girl, I know."

"Matt," I whispered through gritted teeth and he hummed against my neck as he added another finger inside me as I gasped. My high was making it feel even more heavenly as his finger slid in and out of me at the perfect pace, his palm nudging my clit in the process as I gripped his wrist tightly, "Please."

"What do you want, baby?" he asked quietly against my skin before pulling up, looking at me with dilated pupils.

"I want your mouth. Please," I begged, rutting against his hand even more and he smirked down at me. Without another word, he pulled his fingers out of me making me whine from the loss of contact. It felt like he was moving at the speed of light and my brain couldn't keep up as he pulled my underwear off my legs. He grabbed my ankles as he knelt down on the floor, placing my thighs on his shoulders and he kissed along the sensitive skin.

He ran his tongue along my now dripping-wet slit and I let out a whine at the sensation, my senses being heightened to an extent I hadn't felt before because of the strain of weed. I felt the sting of a hand on my thigh before I looked down at him and he had hard eyes, scolding me for making a sound. I pursed my lips, my eyes half apologetic and half begging him to continue.

He continued holding my gaze as he wrapped his lips around the sensitive nub as I let out a heavy breath, my hand flying to his hair as my back arched at the sensation. As he swirled his tongue around me, the feeling of the knot in my stomach quickly rose as I panted into the air, convincing myself not to make a sound internally. He hummed against me as I let out a whimper, another slap to my thigh making me look down at him again and he kept his eyes trained on mine.

I admired everything about him, focusing my mind on anything but the feeling he was giving me with only his mouth as to not make a sound. I gripped his hair tightly, threading my fingers through the curls as I kept my eyes on his with my mouth hung open as pants left my mouth. I watched as his jaw clenched from his focus on giving me pleasure and his lips pressed around my soft skin, his blue eyes illuminated by the slither of sunlight peering through the bedroom window. His arms gripped my twitching thighs tightly as his fingers dug into my flesh and I sighed, feeling my climax approaching easily.

“I’m gonna-” I breathed out quickly before my back arched impossibly further off of the bed and I tugged on his hair, my high hitting me quicker than I anticipated. My legs shook on either side of his head, my heels digging into his back as he worked his mouth around me through my climax. I threw a hand over my mouth, whining into my palm from the overstimulation as he continued lapping up my wetness, “Matt!”

I squeaked out, pushing his head away as he pressed further into me as I gasped. He dragged out my orgasm as long as he could, gripping onto my thighs tightly as I squirmed in his grip, attempting to push his head away slightly but I didn’t put enough force because it felt too good to stop. When I finally decided I couldn’t take anymore, he noticed my change in body language and pulled away from me, pressing a gentle kiss to the inside of my thigh as his hands unravelled from around my thighs and trailed up to my waist, giving my hips a gentle squeeze.

He caught his breath, looking up at me with heavy eyes as my wetness dripped from his mouth. He licked his lips before wiping his face with the back of his hand before I flopped my head back down on the bed. He slid my legs off of his shoulders, crawling over me and placing his hands on either side of my head.

“You okay, pretty girl?” he whispered as I peered up at him with heavy eyes and a dopey smile. I nodded lazily as he smiled down at me, “I wasn’t too harsh?”

“Nope,” I said popping the P as I sighed, wrapping my heavy legs around him as I pulled him down onto me, “Do you want me to-”

“It’s okay,” he whispered, pushing my hair out of my face before tucking it behind my ear as I wrapped my arms around his neck, “I just wanted it to be about you.”

“Are you sure?” I tilted my head, a small frown on my face as he continued smiling at me and nodding.

“Positive, baby,” he leaned forward, placing a gentle kiss on my lips as I melted into his touch again. I instinctively rutted my hips into his before he trailed his hand down, pushing my waist against the bed, “Slow down there cowgirl.”

“Habit,” I shrugged with a cheeky smile and he shook his head. He pulled away from me and my face fell at the loss of contact before he picked up my underwear from the floor, gently sliding them onto my legs before I lifted my hips up to help him.

“You need anything?” he asked, leaning his hands on my bare thighs as I leaned back on my elbows.

“You,” I answered quickly and he chuckled before nodding. He climbed over to the side of the bed where it was pressed against the wall and I crawled under the covers beside him, laying my head on his chest as the fuzzy feeling in my brain subsided. The affects of my orgasm wore off as well as the weed as I listened to his steady heartbeat, his hand laying on my back as he traced circles on my skin that was exposed from the hoodie riding up.

“Can I ask you something?” Matt’s raspy voice broke the silence and I looked up at him, nodding gently before he sighed, his face serious as he looked down at me, “What uh- what really happened with your mom? I only know from rumours and I don’t know what to believe at that fuckin school.”

My breath caught in my throat at the mention of my mother and I avoided his gaze, looking down at his lips instead, “What have you heard?”

“A lot of different things. That she passed, she ran away, she got kidnapped,” he explained quietly, his voice full of hesitation as I sighed, laying my head back down on his head before he continued, “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to overstep. I was just curious but if you don’t wanna talk about it I understand.”

He rambled on and I could feel the sympathy radiating off of him as I pursed my lips. I let my arm wrap around his torso as I stayed silent for a moment, pulling him closer to me.

“I was nine,” I whispered and I heard his breathing falter for a moment, before attempting to relax again, “I was talking to my sister on emails with my moms help when my dad came into the room. He started yelling and throwing shit everywhere, tell us we were stupid to talk to someone who doesn’t care about us.”

“Oh,” he whispered almost inaudibly and I inhaled sharply, remembering the day clearly as if it were yesterday.

“He hit me for the first time ever that night. He would always hit my mom but she said if he ever tried to hurt me she would call the police. That wasn’t true though because he beat her so badly that night that she didn’t leave the house for a week. I was so terrified of him from then on,” I explained weakly, not daring to look up at him as I spoke, pressing my cheek to his chest for comfort as he continued running his fingers along my back in silence, “I woke up a week later to a note on my bedside table from her. She said that she was leaving but she would be back for me when she knew it was safe enough for her. But she never came back.”

I chewed my bottom lip, my throat beginning to close as Matt sighed, holding me tighter against him as he whispered, “I’m so sorry, Layls.”

“I get it. I didn’t at the time, I hated her for leaving me behind but I know if she took me with her he would’ve found her and tried to get her locked up for kidnapping. Probably would’ve killed her if he was that angry,” I shrugged, tears springing to my eyes, “I just wish that she did come back, ya know? I spent the next 3 years looking out the front window every day just waiting for her to come help me but she just never did.”

I took a breath, a few tears slipping out of my eyes which I quickly wiped with the sleeve of my hoodie, embarrassed that I was crying in front of him, “I always understood why my sister left and never came back. By the time she would’ve been able to help me I was already old enough. But I just wanted my mom sometimes.”

My face was now set in a deep frown and I felt Matt’s lips press against the top of my head, his arm squeezing me against him as he mumbled, “I’m sorry, baby. I had no idea.”

“I just miss her,” I let more tears fall from my eyes, pulling him impossibly closer as the wetness traveled down my cheeks, landing on the skin of his chest as I didn’t dare look up at him.

“I know, baby. I know,” he mumbled against my hair comfortingly as he ran his hand up and down my back to soothe me, “It’s okay.”

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled, quickly wiping my tears away as I sniffled, attempting to steady my breathing.

“Hey,” he said softly as his hand landed under my chin, pulling my face toward his. I looked up at him with teary eyes and I bit my lip to swallow the sadness, “Don’t you dare apologise. I’m here for you, pretty girl. Always.”

“I just hate crying in front of people. It makes me feel weak,” I whispered as a few more tears rolled down my face and he swiped his thumb across my cheeks to rid of them making me close my eyes from his gentle touch.

“You aren’t weak for having emotions. I don’t want you to ever feel like you can’t express whatever you’re feeling around me,” he whispered, placing a delicate kiss on my forehead as I sighed, taking in a shaky breath before I opened my eyes again to look up at him.

“One minute I’m begging you to fuck me. Next thing you know I’m crying about my mother,” I snickered at the ridiculousness of the situation as his face broke out in a gentle smile, tucking my hair behind my ear.

“You keep me on my toes,” he chuckled, his chest vibrating under my chin as I smiled up at him.

“Thank you,” I whispered, reaching up to cradle his jaw with my hand as I ran my nails along the scruff of his cheeks.

“For what?” he asked quietly, a smile still resting on his lips as he wrapped both of his arms around my back.

“You’re the first person who’s ever made me feel safe,” I admitted, my voice shaking at the vulnerability I wasn’t adjusted to yet.

“Selfishly,” he began saying as his hand trailed under my hoodie and pressed against the warm skin of my back again, “I’m glad I can be the one to make you feel that way.”

“Selfishly,” I whispered as I leaned forward, my nose brushing against his, “I’m glad too.”

I leaned forward, a gentle kiss being held between us in a moment of pure intimacy, no external factors interrupting the moment of peace. I pulled away from the softness of his lips, a smile breaking through my lips as I gazed up at him.

This boy will be the death of me.

tags:

@ilovechrissturniolo1 @leprechaunbirthdaygirl @sturnfix @lilsstvrn @sturniololol @dsturniolo @sturniolowhore @jebbie-project-blog @jaxyy219 @chrisstankyleg @lov3bug @pinklittleflower @thatcrazybitch-69 @trinity2058 @alorsxsturn

[dcangel]

MY SMUTTY WRITING PROMPTS

I have a shit tone of smut prompts, so feel free to request any numbers for any of following characters: stiles Stilinski, Thomas (TMR), Dave Hodgman, Joel Dawson, Void Stiles, Stuart Twombly, Mitch Rapp, Simon Tarnum, Colin. I literally got pretty much done with this and was abt to post it bc I made the collage at the end and everything AND I FUCKING FORGOT ABOUT COLIN

As you can tell it’s all Dylan’s characters, and these are going to be the main people I write for. I don’t want to write about dylan himself as of right now bc I feel like it’s like sjrkrfk but yeah.

Anyways… there turned out to be 77 total prompts FOR THE SMUT ONES ALONE which is.. yeah

But I do have more than just smut prompts, I have some normal ones and I’ll make another post abt those.

RULES!! Idgaf how old you are as long as your 16+, I only write for fem!readers, and idk what else to add but like the basic rules yk? You can request more than just the prompts such as like sub!reader or sub!character (same for dom), or like maybe a specific kink if I feel comfortable writing for it like a nickname or just something else. You also don’t have to choose from one of these, you could just give me a request, and it also doesn’t even have to be smut. I’m always happy to hear your ideas and randomly thoughts<33

Anywayss…

SMUT PROMPTS—

1. “I want to hear you beg.”

2."Arch your back for me.”

3."You look better with my hands around your neck."

4."Swallow it. All of it."

5."God, you feel so fucking good."

6."Suck on it"

7."You're so fucking hot."

8."Open your legs for me, baby. I wanna see you."

9. “Don’t hold back.”

10. "Ah, fuck.”

11. "That noise...keep making it."

12. "Wrap your legs around my waist."

13. "Let's make this quick."

14. "Don't close your eyes, angel. Look at me"

15. "You're mine."

16. "Such a good little (slut/good boy, good girl), aren't you?"

17. "faster-ah shit-harder”

19. “I wanna go again."

20."I want you. I need you."

21.“Huh...uh...keep going."

22."Wait-uh-do...do that again."

23."Mark me. Mark me so everyone knows who I belong to."

24."Don't be gentle with me-I like it when you're rough."

25."One more time! Please!"

26. "Fuck-uh! I love it when you touch me like that."

26."kiss me again, but- mphh"

27. "lay down, love and let me do you how you deserve it."

28. “You can suck better than that, angel… don’t piss me off, alright?”

29. “Don’t muffle yourself. Let them hear your whiny voice, baby. Everyone should know how good I’m fucking you.”

30. "We'll take it slow."

31. "I've never done this before..” "Well, neither have I."

32."I'll take care of you."

33. "Tell me what you like."

34. "Tell me if it feels good."

35. "We can stop anytime."

36. "Do you trust me?"

37. "I've been wondering what it feels like…”

38. "I think l'm ready (for this/to have sex/...)."

39. "Please be gentle…”

40. "This is going a bit too fast…”

41. “I can’t believe you’re this innocent.”

42. "Makes me want to wreck you."

43. "You've never even touched yourself?"

44. "Show me how you do it when you touch yourself.”

45. "What do you like?" - "I don't know." - "Then how about we find out together?"

46. "It's my first time…”

47. “I can't wait to ruin your innocence"

48. "Are you sure you're ready for this?"

49. "It's not a big deal. Let's just get it over with?

50. "I want you to be my first."

51. "I want you to teach me."

52. "Teach me how to make you feel good.”

53. "I wanna touch you too."

54. "Show me how to touch you."

55. "Am I going too fast?"

56. "You're doing so good for me.”

57. "Do that again."

58. "I never thought you could make such sweet noises." - "Me neither. "

59. "It's not scary at all. Let me show you.”

60."I'm worried I won't be good enough."

61. "Is it going to hurt?"

62. "I won't hurt you."

63. "I'm really embarrassed about this...”

64. "No need to worry."

65. "I got you."

66. “Kiss me?”

67. "Will you be my first?"

68. "Will you let me be your first?"

69. "I have no idea how to go about this "

70. "(If you like it), we can go all night."

71. "So (hard/wet) already…?”

72. "Are you sure this is your first time?"

73. "What do you want me to do?"

74. "Is this okay?"

75. "Does it feel good?”

76. "Tell me what to do."

77. "I'll guide you."

[jimhines]

2022 Writing Income

It’s that time again – for fifteen years now I’ve been writing an annual blog post about my income as a writer. Money tends to be an uncomfortable, even taboo topic, but I think it’s important to help counter the myths that we’re all multimillionaires living in Glass Onion-style mansions. (Side note: If anyone wants to pay millions of dollars for my book, I’ll happily update this blog post from my private island mansion.)

Remember, every writer’s career is different, and I’m only one data point.

Prior Years: Here are the annual write-ups going back to 2007: 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020, 2021.

In 2016, instead of a personal income write-up, I did a survey of almost 400 novelists about their income.

My Background: I’m a primarily “traditionally published,” U.S.-based SF/F author with 15 books in print from major New York publishers. The first of those books came out from DAW in 2006. I have an agent, and have been with them since about 2004.

I’ve self-published a middle grade fantasy and a few short collections. I’ve also sold about 50 short stories to different magazines and anthologies.

I’ve never hit the NYT or USA Today bestseller lists.

I’m currently the sole parent of a teenager (at home) and a 22-year-old (at college). I have a day job that’s just over half-time, both for the paycheck and the benefits.

2022 in Summary: There’s no gentle way to say this. The last several years have kind of sucked. Losing my wife to cancer in 2019 completely derailed my writing. I was hoping 2022 would be a comeback year, but life had other plans…

I did write and sell two new short stories and one nonfiction piece, which was nice. I’ve got a finished middle grade book that’s been on submission for a while. I finished a standalone fantasy that’s been sitting with my publisher for a while.

Normally, my editor is pretty quick about responding, but last year wasn’t normal for DAW, either. DAW was acquired by Astra House. A lot of their time and energy went into that deal. I’m hoping for the best, but things still haven’t settled into the new “normal.”

Last year did see the release — finally — of Terminal Peace, the third book in the Janitors of the Post-Apocalypse series. I’m thrilled and relieved to see that book in print, but it came out right in the middle of the Astra House acquisition, which may have impacted things like promotion and publicity.

I also finished the first draft and started revising a new standalone middle grade fantasy with series potential.

2022 Income: The biggest check was the publication payment for Terminal Peace. All total, before taxes and various expenses, the writing brought in $13,957.16. While that’s absolutely nothing to sneer at, and I’m grateful for the success, it’s also a dropoff from the past couple of years. To be blunt, if you look at the cumulative graph, things have been slumping a bit.

Income Breakdown:

Patreon has been a small but steady and helpful source of income. My thanks to everyone for that!

As usual, my U.S. novels are the biggest piece of the pie. The short fiction category is a bit higher this year, thanks to those two new stories. I didn’t self-publish anything new in 2022, but if that middle grade book doesn’t sell, I’d like to publish that one later this year.

Novels (U.S. editions): $8,542.83

Novels (Non-U.S. editions): $473.25

Self-Published: $1158.24

Short fiction: $892.86

Audio: $521.04

Patreon: $1668.94

Other: $700

I mentioned earlier that things have been in a bit of a slump, and I need to focus on breaking out of that. Some things I can’t currently control. Tomorrow I could wake up to an offer from DAW on the book they’ve got, and maybe an email from my agent that the middle grade title he’s been shopping around went to auction and got a six-figure advance. But I can’t make these things happen.

Priority #1 is to keep writing. If I’m not doing that, other goals are pretty much moot.

Priority #2 is to figure out some alternate options. It may be time to put more time and effort into self-publishing as a complement to my traditionally published work.

The biggest thing making me anxious is that I’m pretty much out of contract. The paperback of Terminal Peace comes out this year, but for the first time in about 15 years, I don’t have the security, the luxury, or the deadlines of a signed contract. In some ways, this is freeing: I can write whatever I want. But there’s no guarantee as to when things will see print. Submitting to the traditional publishers is a long, slow process…

From talking to other writers who’ve been doing this a while, I’ve learned that pretty much every career has its ups and downs. Personal, pandemic, and publisher issues have been a bit of a perfect storm for me these past few years, but I’m not going anywhere. After 27 years as a writer, I’m excited to see what comes next.

Wrap Up:

I hope this has been helpful. As always, feel free to share the post and/or ask questions.

[charmercharm3r]

i can't stop thinking about hyunjin fucking you from the back slowly while massaging you and just treating you like a princess

Masterlist

☆ﾟ

hyune would be such a sucker for early morning sex, when he’s the most sensitive but also not truly conscious just yet and all he craves is your warmth. all he could think about is how he wants to hold you, touch you, feel you everywhere and all around him as his chest is pressed against your back. he loves being the big spoon, so naturally, he just has to have you like that.

your leg propped up in the crook of his elbow as his face is buried in the side of your neck with little to no regard of how hard he’s sucking marks into the skin. he’d take you so slowly and softly that it feels like you’ve been fucking for hours when really, you’re both just too tired and in love to truly pay attention to anything but each other. hyunjin can never keep his mouth shut either, noise complaints and banging on the walls from your neighbors come with the territory.

hyunjin has a soft spot for praise, both giving and receiving even if he may act like he hates it. times when you’re really not coherent and just wanting to hear him talk is when that side of himself rears it’s head to spill all the cringey secrets he usually keeps for himself. things like, “my love,” “sweetheart,” or “princess,” fall from his mouth so easily when you aren’t paying too much attention.

though, when he wants you to listen, he gets a bit too into it. dirtier, much more sultry and erotic words have you both blooming with arousal because he just can’t help but tell you all the things you make him feel.

“pretty baby, who got you so worked up? oh, me? i haven’t even done anything yet. you flatter me, love.

won’t you let me help you? it must be so bothersome. don’t worry, i’ll take care of everything. you relax and let me do all the work.

feel that? that’s what you do to me, make me feel insane. i just have to have you, all the time— fuck, you fit me so perfectly.

can’t imagine what i’d do without you. not a single person has ever made me so insatiable. i need you, i’ll always need you.

god, you’re so good to me. so warm, so wet and tight. hnghh— do that again, oh my— you’re trying to get me to blow, aren’t you?”

-

tags: @sensitiveandhungry @babebatter @changbinluvr @epiphanynaffit @fawnpeaks @linovely @dumplinbokkieracha @finnydraws @naturules @djeniryuu @hamburgers101 @skzhomiehopper @yesv01 @hyunjinsamdl @dazzlingligth @lvrhyuka @alexis-reads-fics @linaliskz @0002linoskitten @chillichillicrabcrab23 @zerefdragn33l @straycrescent @binnies-donuts @soldierstangirl-blog @bakedlilgoonie @levanterlily @shelbyyy44 @yeetmehome @in2heartz @astroodledream @the-sweetest-rose @leebitsimpracha @lilbugs-things @viviennenstan @staurdvst @alex--awesome--22 @imzenning @jeyelleohe @kaitchan @iadorethemskz @skyvastbunny @mamabymychem

[steddieunderdogfics]

for challenge monday 'fics with playlist' i'd like to rec three incredible fics

'Tooth and Nail' by ParadimeShifts

'Take the Money and Run' by thisapplepielife

and 'I wore his jacket for the longest time' by Legitcookie & sidekick_hero

Tooth and Nail by ParadimeShifts

Listen to the official playlist here!

@paradimeshifts7

Rating: Explicit

113,060 words, 7/7 chapters

Archive Warning: Creator chose not to use

Tags: Band Fic, Mentions of Suicide and Suicidal Ideation, Drug Use, Background Drumcheer, Background Byler, Slow Burn, i can’t help it - it’s all I know, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, The comfort will come TRUST ME, Rockstar Eddie Munson, Musician Steve Harrington, I’ll have the Robin and Steve codependency special please, Smut, Rough Sex, Eddie/Gareth but it’s so fucked up and sad, Happy ending guaranteed I PROMISE, But they’re going to be awful to each other for a while, The Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known, Please read the tags my sweets — I’ll update them, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Face Slapping, Addiction, Angst with a Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, Light BDSM, Dacryphilia, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex

Summary:

Eddie told himself that he was done, because he wouldn’t survive another heartbreak at that boy’s hands. But he really, really needs someone to open for them on tour. Steve Harrington had waltzed into his life, sucked him in like a siren and fucking eviscerated him with soft touches. And maybe it wasn’t his fault, but Eddie would never forgive him all the same. He’d nursed his Harrington hangover for years, and he’s not about to hand over his sobriety chip just because the guy's got a busted foot and a very apparent issue with alcohol. Not when it had taken work to get Steve out of his system the first time. Steve thinks of long summer evenings beating the heat in his pool, of the stick-and-poke tattoo he’s got on his ankle and chicken scratch handwriting on legal paper. He’s getting caught in the slipstream of his own shattered expectations, and it’s dangerous to cling when the branch is failing, but he thinks he can’t help it. He has a fist full of letters by the time he arrives in Los Angeles, but the Eddie Munson he knew is nowhere to be found. Left to make sense of this new version of the friend he once bared his soul to, Steve’s just trying not to fall off the fucking deep end again.

Take the Money and Run by thisapplepielife

Listen to the official playlist here!

@thisapplepielife

Rating: Explicit

143,931 words, 22/22 chapters

Archive Warning: No Warnings

Tags: Alternate Universe - Future, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Gay Eddie Munson, Bisexual Steve Harrington, Recreational Drug Use, Eddie Munson Lives, Hurt/Comfort, Not Canon Compliant, Post-Season/Series 04, Alternate Universe - Road Trip, Mutual Pining, Idiots in Love, Good Uncle Wayne Munson, Cover Art, Canon-Typical Violence, Period-Typical Homophobia, Friends to Lovers, Getting to Know Each Other, Road Trips, Internalized Homophobia, Slow Burn, Falling In Love, Top Eddie Munson, Bottom Steve Harrington, Switching, Angst with a Happy Ending, Happy Ending, optional future epilogue with kids, can be read without the epilogue

Summary:

“Rules. Like, there’ll be no eating in my car. You’re not driving my car. No heavy metal,” Steve keeps listing, “you’re not picking up women and fucking them in m-” “I'll try to control myself,” Eddie interrupts with a quip, a smirk. Fucking girls in Steve’s car, or anywhere else for that matter, isn’t going to be an issue, unless something pretty fundamental shifts in him. Steve continues, completely ignoring Eddie, “You’ll wipe your feet. You’re not dragging dirt all over my car. No hitchhikers. No cutesy road games. No smoking in the car. I’m not paying for all the gas.” “Ass, gas or grass, got it,” Eddie says, like he's taking this very seriously. He is not taking this seriously. Or: Road trip!

I wore his jacket for the longest time by Legitcookie and sidekick_hero

Listen to the official playlist here!

@legitcookie and @sidekick-hero

Rating: Explicit

58,311 words, 6/6 chapters

Archive Warning: No Warnings

Tags: Angst with a Happy Ending, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Good Parent Joyce Byers, Starting Over, Pining, Lovers to Friends, Friends to Lovers, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Praise Kink, Unsafe Sex, Bottom Steve Harrington, Top Eddie Munson, Blow Jobs, Frottage, Tattoos, Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, thigh riding

Summary:

Steve has made some bad choices in the past, choices that have cost him his marriage, and even worse than that, Eddie. The man he didn't realize he was in love with until it was too late. Now Steve must pick up the pieces of his life and figure out how to become the man he wants to be. It's a story about love lost and love found, about the importance of friendship and family, and most of all, about second chances and how it's never too late to change.

@sidekick-hero also recommends this fic, adding: "I would love to rec a labor of love from Legitcockie and me, 'I wore your jacket for the longest time' with a wonderful playlist by yournowheregirl 💜"

Thanks for the recs!

These recs are a part of Challenge Monday. The challenge this week was Fics with playlists.

Know a fic that deserves extra love? Submit through our asks or the submission box!

[dystopicjumpsuit]

Stars Beyond Number - Chapter 22

The Desire

Rating: M - Minors DNI

Pairings: Echo x Riyo Chuchi; Gregor x OFC Cerra Kilian

Wordcount: 3.3k

Warnings and tags: negative self-talk; Gregor having none of it; SMUT; it's finally happening; oral sex; fingering; body worship; PIV sex; I literally screamed and cried and threw my hands in the air when I typed the last line; I love them so much I can't even

Suggested Listening (strongly recommended, actually; I couldn't believe how perfectly this song fit the chapter when I heard it the first time):

Summary: 😏

A/N: This story shares continuity with Martyrs and Kings, "Double, Double Boil and Trouble" (part 2 here) and "Do It Again," but all the fics can be read as stand-alones.

Start here | Previous chapter | Next chapter | Masterlist | Sign up for my tag list | Read on AO3

Between the desire and the spasm

… falls the Shadow

—T. S. Eliot, “The Hollow Men”

“Are you all right?” Gregor asked, his soft eyes trained on Cerra’s.

She nodded. “Sorry.”

“For what?”

“Karking it up like I do everything,” she said.

His eyebrows snapped together. “Why would you say that?”

“Because you deserve better,” she said. “You should be with someone who—”

“I know what I want,” he interrupted before she could talk herself out of it. “It’s you.”

Her breath stilled. “It is?”

“Since the moment I met you.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” she asked.

 He giggled quietly. “Are you serious?”

“No need to be rude,” she said, affronted.

“I’m not trying to be,” he replied. “It’s just the truth. You weren’t ready to move on, and you didn’t need someone pressuring you. You needed a friend, and if you decide that you’re never ready for more than that, then I’ll still be the luckiest man in the karking galaxy to be the one who’s there for you.”

Her eyes burned. She dropped her forehead to rest against his neck, and he wrapped his arms gently around her back, rubbing comforting circles between her shoulder blades.

“I don’t deserve you,” she whispered.

“True,” Gregor agreed cordially, pulling a reluctant chuckle from her as she smacked his shoulder. “Sorry, were you done floggin’ yourself, or did I interrupt? I could come back later…”

“Gods, you’re the worst,” she laughed.

“You can keep going if you want. Or…” he paused and kissed her shoulder softly. “We could…” He kissed her again, closer to her neck. “Try something else.” 

He licked along her skin until he reached the base of her throat. She tilted her head to the side, exposing her neck as she inhaled deeply.

“Gregor,” she sighed.

“Mmm,” he rumbled, working his way down her sternum. 

His bare hand slipped up her waist and beneath her bra to cup her breast. She took in a soft, deep breath as she arched her body into his touch. The rough fabric of his glove scraped lightly across her tender skin as he slid his other hand under the band of her bra. He pulled his mouth away from her long enough to tug the garment over her head, and then his lips closed around her nipple as his tongue swirled over her.

“You taste amazing,” he whispered against her skin.

He dropped his hands to her hips to dip beneath the compression suit and coax it down her legs. She shifted in the seat to ease its progress, and Gregor took shameless advantage of her momentary helplessness to drag her to the edge of the seat and spread her thighs wide over his broad pauldrons as his mouth worked its way down her body, kissing, licking, biting, sucking. 

He reached her pelvis at last, slowing his progress as he inched lower with aching deliberateness until at last his tongue dipped into her. Her reaction was electric. She convulsed with a cry, her body hypersensitive from years of denying her physical needs. Her thighs tightened around him as she practically levitated off the seat.  He gripped her hips and pressed her back down, his strong fingers digging into her flesh. He swirled his tongue around her clit and into her cunt.

“Fuck!” she sobbed as her fists tightened in his hair. “Fuck, fuck, Gre—”

He groaned against her and murmured something indecipherable. His hand brushed over her knee, then drifted leisurely up the inside of her thigh, taking his time despite her desperation. By the time he finally reached his target and eased two fingers into her, she was shaking and writhing beneath him, and that delicious stretch was all it took to push her beyond the limits of her control. 

In her deprived, overwrought state, her body took over and hurled her into an unexpected orgasm that shattered her vision and wrenched a broken scream from her throat. His thick, agile fingers dragged inside her, working to prolong her climax as he gazed up at her with an expression of utter bliss and adoration in his eyes.

He gentled his movements as she came down from her high. He kissed the soft skin of her abdomen, and she tugged ineffectually at his cuirass, trying vainly to pull him closer to her. He lifted her naked body off the chair and settled her on his lap. In his full armor, he wasn’t a particularly comfortable seat, but she snuggled her face against his neck through the soft black fabric of his undersuit as she shuddered and trembled in his embrace. 

They sprawled on the floor of the cockpit, bathed in the gentle, warm glow of the nebula. Gregor cradled her in his arms, circling his thumbs slowly across her bare skin as he rested his cheek against her head. He stroked his fingers lightly over her short, velvety hair.

“Your hair is so soft,” he whispered. “I’ve never seen it this long.”

“Didn’t exactly have a way to keep it shaved while I was rotting in the Venator brig,” she replied with a low laugh.

“I like it,” he replied, pressing his lips against her head, and then again behind her ear, and a third time, along the side of her neck.

”Yeah?”

”Mm-hmm,” he hummed, his voice vibrating gently on her sensitive skin. 

“Should I grow it back out?”

”Not unless you want to.” His warm breath sent a shiver through her as he whispered next to her ear. “You’re hot as fuck either way.”

She sighed happily and trailed her fingertips up his arm, looking for the small gaps between the plastoid where she could feel his body heat through the undersuit.

“You are wearing way too much armor,” she murmured.

He chuckled. “Have to admit the codpiece is feeling a little tight.”

She huffed quietly and unclipped his vambraces, tugging them off his forearms and setting them aside. She interlaced her fingers with his and slowly pulled off his remaining glove, allowing it to drop to the floor. Next, she fumbled with his rerebraces and grumbled under her breath.

“Why is this so karking hard to take off?” she asked as irritably as she could, considering that her brain was still flooded with a blissful post-orgasmic haze.

“Because the point is for it to stay on,” he said. 

She arched an impatient brow at him, and he shot her a smug grin.

“A little help?” she asked.

He brushed his fingers beneath her jaw and tilted her face up so he could kiss her, then leaned back and began to pull off his upper body armor, stacking it one piece at a time as he did. As he worked, Cerra began to trace her fingers across the bare skin of his neck and the base of his skull. His eyes flicked to hers, and he smirked, continuing his task. Undaunted, she leaned close and licked the shell of his ear softly. He shivered, and she heard his breath catch, but his concentration didn’t break. 

Once he was stripped down to his waist, though, he had his revenge. He wrapped his arms around her and flipped them over so she was lying on her back with his body between her thighs. The durasteel floor was hard and cold against her skin, and she was briefly, ridiculously relieved that she’d had the cleaning droid work over the freighter the day before she left for Daiyu. Gregor covered her body with kisses as he fumbled with his belt. 

She wrapped her legs around his waist with a soft giggle, and he nipped at her skin in retaliation, rocking his codpiece against her. Her breath caught, and she moaned at the pressure.

“Kriff, don’t make those noises,” he rasped. “I can barely fit in this codpiece as it is.”

“Bragging?” she teased.

“Stating a fact,” he replied, grazing his lips lightly over her bruised shoulder. “You taste like bacta.”

“I thought you said I tasted amazing,” she said.

“You do,” he replied. “But this part of you also tastes like bacta.”

She heard a clatter of duraplast, and Gregor grunted in relief, having successfully freed himself from the codpiece while he distracted her.

“Maybe you should kiss me somewhere else, then,” she suggested, cupping her hand under his chin to bring his face toward hers. “Hey, soldier. My lips are up here.”

He gazed at her mouth. “I don't want to hurt you again.”

Her heart lurched.

“Please,” she whispered. 

He swallowed. Raising his hand to her cheek, he caressed her with utmost tenderness, barely touching his thumb to her lower lip. He glanced uncertainly up at her eyes, and he leaned down slowly, pausing close to her face, but not quite making contact.

“Cerra…”

“I trust you,” she breathed.

The touch of his lips was so soft it was almost imperceptible. Her eyes fluttered closed as her lips parted, as though she could block out every distraction and only drift in the sensation of his kiss. She teased his lips with the tip of her tongue, encouraging him to kiss her more deeply, and he complied with incredible care, taking his cues from her, but pulling away far sooner than she would have preferred. Perhaps it was for the best; her judgment was not to be trusted when she wanted him to consume her.

He nuzzled her cheek gently. “Your lips taste like bacta, too. Worth it, though.”

She laughed quietly as he sat up. She smoothed her hands up his torso, slipping her fingertips into the magseal of his undersuit and easing it open. The suit gave way to reveal the broad expanse of his chest, and he shrugged out of the top of the suit. From her vantage point on the floor, Cerra stared up at him, admiring the way the soft golden light glazed his warm, smooth skin and reflected in his amber eyes. His chest rose and fell quickly, and she longed to touch him.

She traced her fingertips up his abdomen, then flattened her palms against him. Gods, it had been so long since she’d felt someone else’s skin against her own. She glided over his pectorals and up to his shoulders, then back down again to ease the undersuit further down his hips until his cock sprang free, fully erect. Closing her hand around him, she squeezed gently, and a glossy bead of precum appeared at the tip. She licked her lips at the sight and started to lean toward him.

“Don’t even think about it,” he said, pressing her back down to the floor.

She looked up at him, startled. “You don’t like—”

“Not until you’re healed,” he said firmly.

“Not even a taste?” she asked, giving him the softest tooka eyes she could muster.

“Absolutely not,” he replied. “Those big eyes don’t fool me. I know you, Cerra. You won’t stop until you get what you want, and we are not playing that game right now.”

“You’re no fun,” she pouted.

“Oh, I can think of plenty of other ways we can have fun,” he grinned.

“Do any of them start with moving to a bunk?” she asked. “This floor is ridiculously hard.”

“It’s not the only thing,” he laughed.

He stood, then pulled her to her feet. She seized the opportunity to wrap her fingers around his cock again, dragging her hand over it slowly. She brushed her thumb over the tip, and then raised it to her mouth, flicking her tongue out to taste the clear fluid as mischief danced in her eyes.

“Fuck,” Gregor groaned. “You are testing my limits.”

“Oh, no, anything but that,” she whispered.

“I should’ve known you’d be a brat,” he giggled, scooping her up and tossing her over his shoulder as she shrieked with delighted laughter. 

He carried her down the corridor to the crew quarters and selected one at random, depositing Cerra on the bed carefully. She sat up to watch him with open admiration as he removed his remaining armor and undersuit.

Holy kriff, he was built. She’d spent months trying not to look at him too closely, trying to avoid the inevitable reminders of Fives. As he stripped, though, she finally let herself take a good look. He did resemble Fives—that was inescapable—but there were differences as well. The scars were different; the tattoos were different. Gregor was older than her husband had ever had a chance to be, and she could see it in his body. Between that and the commando’s genetically enhanced muscle density, he was broader and bigger than Fives, and she was quietly relieved. She wasn’t sure she would have been able to sort through her confusion if his body had been truly identical to Fives.

“Enjoying the view?” he teased, and she raked her gaze slowly up his body until she met his eyes.

“Very much,” she said, her voice low and husky.

He crawled onto the bed, caging her between his arms and legs. She reached up to stroke the side of his neck as he kissed her, and she could feel the pulse of his racing heartbeat beneath her fingertips. He pressed her back slowly until she lay on the bed. She slid her hands up his thighs as he straddled her hips, shifting beneath him to try to press herself closer to his body, but he held himself back from her.

She made an indignant little noise of protest and tried to pull him down, but he didn’t budge. He just kept kissing her with utmost gentleness when she wanted him to ruin her. She could feel his cock brushing against her abdomen, rock-hard, hot, and already slick with need. 

She knew he wanted her just as badly as she wanted him. Reaching between their bodies, she wrapped her hands around his cock and stroked him languidly. He broke away from her mouth with a groan and rested his forehead against hers, eyes squeezed tightly shut.

“Fuck, I’m trying to be careful, but you’re not making it easy,” he rasped.

“I can take it, Gregor,” she whispered. “You don’t have to be careful.”

He pushed himself back, sinking down so his thighs rested on top of her hips, trapping her in place. He stared down at her, shaking his head slightly. He trailed his fingertips over her cheek.

“Kriff, you’re so beautiful,” he said. “All the times I imagined this, I never once thought it might actually happen.”

“You imagined it?” she asked.

He giggled. “All the time. That day that we went to the market, I almost came in the shower just from hearing the sounds you were making. Didn’t even have to touch myself.”

Her eyes widened. “You were so quiet! I thought you were mad at me.”

“I had the water as cold as it would go, and I was reciting all the components of a DC-17m in my head.”

She pondered for a moment. “Is that why you were so relaxed when you came out? Because you—”

“Took care of things,” he said with a shrug. “What else was I supposed to do? Walk around the garage with a raging hard on?”

She laughed and captured his wrist, pressing her lips into his palm, then kissing a trail up his forearm. “Maybe I would have gotten a clue sooner if you had.”

He smiled, but his eyes were troubled. “All the times I imagined it, I never thought it would be like this.”

“What do you mean?” she asked.

He barely touched his hand to her injured shoulder, and she flinched involuntarily. 

“See?” he asked. “I can’t just… take you—as much as I want to. I’ve got to be careful with you. I’m still working out the best strategy.”

Her heart lurched. Of course. Even now, he was watching her back: protecting her, even from himself.

“It doesn’t have to be that complicated,” she whispered. “We can just… start. And if it feels good, we can keep going, and if it hurts, we can try something else.”

He moved his fingertips lower, skimming over her breasts and circling her nipples. “Is this all right? Does it feel good?”

“Yes,” she whispered. “So good.”

He made a pleased little hum and shifted, moving to sit behind her on the bed and drawing her back against his chest. He continued to play with her breasts as she leaned against him, feeling the rigid length of his cock press against her back. He kissed the side of her head, and then the shell of her ear, working his mouth slowly down her neck and onto her shoulder. Her eyes drifted closed, and she sighed softly. 

Encouraged by her reaction, his hand stole down her body and in between her thighs, his fingers brushing over her clit with feather-light pressure, again and again, before slipping into her. She was beyond ready, and he met no resistance as he sank into her slick warmth. She heard his breath stutter harshly.

“Holy kriff,” he groaned. “You are so wet, my gods.”

He worked her open gently, and she couldn’t hold back her tiny, breathless sounds of pleasure.

“Kark, you drive me wild when you make those noises,” he whispered, grinding his cock against her lower back. 

She squirmed against him, desperate to feel more. “Please, please—”

“What is it, love?”

“I need more,” she said. “I need you.”

He pressed his lips against her neck, just below her ear. “You can have me, then.”

He withdrew his fingers from her body and guided her around until she sat in his lap, facing him as he aligned his cock with her cunt and sank gradually into her. She tilted her hips to accommodate him, breathing hard, as he stretched her in ways she hadn’t felt in years. Lovely, strong, warm hands massaged across her back and shoulders, pulling her close to him as he gazed up into her eyes.

“Is this what you wanted?” he asked.

She nodded, unable to speak. He kissed her again, so gently, so carefully, as he began to move. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, holding tightly as their bodies worked in perfect synchrony, their hips rolling together, their breath coalescing. He dropped his head to rest on her sternum, and she leaned her cheek against his hair as she slid her hands up the back of his head.

He shifted their angle slightly, his hands descending to grip her hips as he began to drive into her harder and faster, thrusting against a place deep inside her in a way that rapidly stoked the tension in her body until she felt as though every muscle and nerve had wound itself into an impossibly tight knot at the base of her spine. 

He reached between their bodies and pressed his fingers against her clit, working in tiny, frantic circles, until all her muscles seized, arching her back and clamping her legs around his waist as she shattered. She barely heard his hoarse grunt as he thrust into her one last time, burying himself as deeply as she could take him, emptying into her as she sobbed with pleasure. 

He whimpered quietly as his lips found hers, his tongue sweeping into her mouth as she rode out the last few moments, drawing out the pleasure until her muscles gave out and she collapsed against him. He held her close to him and leaned them back until they were lying on the bed. Her head rested against his chest, and she listened as the pounding of his heart began to slow and the deep, gasping breaths of his lungs gradually returned to normal.

Exhaustion pulled at her. Her entire body felt boneless and relaxed—safe for the first time in weeks. Gregor toyed aimlessly with the short hair at the nape of her neck, and her eyes drifted closed as she sank into oblivion. As she crossed the threshold into unconsciousness, she wasn’t sure whether she heard or imagined his quiet whisper.

”I love you, too.”

---

Next chapter

[massivedrickhead]

i’d love to see 11/22 from the worry prompts if you get the time!

Thanks for sending these and for waiting so long for me to get to them!

Those prompts worked really well together so I combined them, hope you like it!

11. “Eventually you’re gonna have to tell me what’s on your mind.”

22. “You’re never this quiet.”

Prompt taken from here.

Read on AO3

-

“Eventually you’re gonna have to tell me what’s on your mind, you’re never this quiet,” Beca said, chancing a glance at Chloe, who was still frowning at her phone.

“It’s nothing,” Chloe replied. “I’m fine.”

Beca sighed and hit pause on the TV show neither of them was watching. “Chloe.”

“What?” Chloe asked, finally looking up from her phone, the crease still prominent between her eyebrows.

“Talk to me,” Beca said. “What’s going on? You’ve hardly said two words since you got home.”

“I’m fighting with Chicago, if you really need to know,” Chloe said, sounding irritated as she focused her attention back on her phone. “He was supposed to be coming home next week, and now he isn’t.”

“Oh,” Beca said. “I’m sorry, that sucks. Did he say why?”

“He wants to go to Florida for a week with the boys,” Chloe said. “He only gets one week before he’s back overseas, and he said he wants to relax.”

“Right,” Beca said. She bit her tongue, holding back what she really wanted to say.

“So now I feel like a bitch,” Chloe said, “because I’m mad that he’s choosing to spend time with his army buddies - who he sees every day - instead of coming to see me.”

“Why would that make you a bitch?” Beca asked.

“Because he has a tough job, and he deserves to be able to relax while he’s on leave,” Chloe said.

Beca didn’t reply, but Chloe heard her sigh and she rolled her eyes.

“This is why I wasn’t going to say anything,” Chloe said. “You always get weird when I talk about Chicago.”

“I’m not being weird,” Beca said. 

“I know you don’t like him.”

“I don’t have a problem with him,” Beca lied. “I don’t really have any opinion, I hardly know the dude.”

“But? I’m sensing there is one,” Chloe said.

“No buts,” she said. “Besides, it doesn’t really matter what I think, as long as you’re happy.”

“Of course it matters,” Chloe said. “You’re my best friend.”

Beca sighed again. “Do you really want to know what I think?”

“Yes,” Chloe said, though not actually sure if she did. It was one thing to suspect Beca didn’t like her boyfriend, but it might feel different if she heard her say it.

“I think you can do better,” Beca said. “It doesn’t feel like he treats you like a priority, and I think you deserve to be with someone who does.”

“You always say that about people I date,” Chloe said, rolling her eyes again.

Beca shrugged. “You asked what I thought.”

“He’s a nice guy,” Chloe said. “And besides, it’s not exactly like I have a queue of people ready and waiting to sweep me off my feet and make me their number one priority.”

Beca shook her head. “Just because you don’t see them, doesn’t mean they aren’t there.”

Chloe frowned, her eyebrows pulling together in confusion. She watched as Beca stood up and grabbed their empty dinner plates from the coffee table. “Do you want anything while I’m up?” Beca asked, carrying them into the kitchen.

“No,” Chloe said, the frown still on her face as she focused her attention back on her phone.

Chicago: Are you seriously upset about this? 

Chloe: I mean, kinda? We haven’t seen each other in months.

Chloe: I was really looking forward to seeing you. I miss you.

Chicago: I miss you too, babe. Please don’t make me feel bad about this, I really need just some time to destress. 

Chicago: Please don’t make this a big deal.

Chloe: It’s fine. Do what you need to do, and I’ll see you when you’re next on leave.

Chicago: So now you’re going to guilt trip me? You’re so fucking controlling sometimes.

Chloe: I literally don’t know what you want me to say.

Chloe: Like what response were you hoping for?

Chicago: I guess I just hoped you’d understand that I needed this without being all passive-aggressive about it. 

Chloe: I’m not being passive-aggressive.

Chloe: Do what you want Chicago, I clearly can’t win no matter what I say.

Chicago: How is that not passive-aggressive?

Chicago: I need to get back to work. We can talk later once you’ve had time to cool off.

“Here,” Beca said, handing Chloe a glass of wine. “You look like you need it.”

Chloe hadn’t even realised tears of frustration and anger had started spilling down her cheeks. She cleared her throat and wiped her eyes. “Thanks,” she said.

“If you keep staring at your phone like that, you’ll get a headache.” 

“Yeah,” Chloe said. She locked her phone and put it face down on the sofa. She grabbed the remote and hit play on the TV again, the silence in the room being quickly replaced by their 50th re-watch of Friends. The sound of the studio audience laughing felt oddly out of place.

Chloe took a drink of wine and glanced at Beca, who was scrolling on her phone, holding a beer in her other hand.

“I’m sorry I was off with you before,” Chloe said. “None of this is your fault, and you were just looking out for me.”

“It’s okay,” Beca said, her eyes flicking up from her phone for long enough to shoot Chloe a tight-lipped smile. “Sorry if I was out of line with what I said. It doesn’t matter what I think about him. If you’re happy, I’m happy.”

There was a pause in which neither of them said anything. Beca scrolled on her phone, and Chloe watched the TV without really watching it.

“That’s the thing,” Chloe said. “I don’t know if I am.”

“Don’t know if you’re what?”

“Happy.”

Beca looked up now. She locked and pocketed her phone, and turned her body so she was facing Chloe.

“You aren’t?”

“I thought I was, but…” She tossed Beca her phone so she could read through the texts. “If this is how he is after eight months of dating, what’s he going to be like in the future?”

She could see Beca’s jaw clench as she read through their last few messages. She handed Chloe’s phone back to her, and she took a long drink of her beer.

“If I showed you my phone, and that was how my partner was speaking to me, what would you say?”

Chloe swallowed and felt tears stinging her eyes.

She remembered the last few months of Beca and Jesse’s relationship. Remembered the heated arguments they’d have in person, over the phone, and in text.

She remembered how she felt watching Beca - the strongest person she knew - dissolve into tears nearly every night. 

Chloe had felt so helpless.

Helpless and angry.

When it finally came to a head and they ended things, Chloe didn’t know if she’d ever felt more relieved.

“I’d tell you to leave them,” Chloe said. “I’d tell you that you deserved better.”

Beca nodded. “Maybe you need to listen to your own advice.”

Chloe bit down on her bottom lip. “I don’t know. I don’t want to be alone.”

“You won’t be,” Beca said. “Not if you don’t want to.” Beca took hold of Chloe’s hand and squeezed. “Whatever you decide, I’ll support you,” she said. “But don’t force yourself to stay in a relationship that makes you unhappy just because you don’t want to be on your own.”

Chloe swallowed and squeezed Beca’s hand back. She nodded. “You’re right,” she said.

Beca felt some of the tension leave her shoulders, and she let out a steady breath. “You deserve more than he’s willing to give you,” she said. “I hope one day you realise how amazing you are, Chlo’. I hope you realise you’re worthy of being loved wholly. Fully.”

Chloe gripped Beca’s hand tighter. “So are you,” she said.

Beca shrugged and gave her a small smile. “That’s why I’m holding out for the real thing. I can wait for her.”

Chloe tilted her head. “Her? You have someone in mind?”

Beca laughed softly and shook her head in disbelief but not denial. “Yeah, there’s someone. She just needs to ditch the shitty boyfriend and actually open her eyes.”

Chloe felt something in her chest tighten.

She’d never allowed herself to hope, or dream, that this would happen.

Had never allowed herself to acknowledge that her feelings for Beca went way beyond a crush. That they’d always been way beyond a crush.

There were tears in Beca’s eyes now, and behind them, Chloe could just make out a glimmer of hope and fear.

Beca spoke with confidence, with calmness and self-assuredness, but Chloe could see in her eyes that Beca was terrified.

Beca was taking a chance, a leap of faith, that Chloe might pick up on what she was saying. That Chloe might reciprocate.

“I never… I didn’t think you’d ever actually feel the same way about me,” Chloe said. “I, um, after you and Jesse broke up and we still didn’t… I guess I kinda gave up hope. I tried to move on.”

“I know,” Beca said. “And I’m sorry that I never said anything. Your friendship is the most important thing to me, and I couldn’t… I still can’t lose that.”

“You won’t,” Chloe said, her thumb brushing across Beca’s knuckles. 

Beca nodded. “But?”

Chloe shook her head. “No buts. I just need to know… Is this real, Bec? Is this really how you feel about me?”

“Yes,” Beca said, her voice little more than a whisper. “I’m… I’m so in love with you, Chloe.”

Chloe’s breath caught in her chest and tears made their way quickly down her cheeks.

“Beca.”

“You don’t need to say it back,” Beca said. “And I understand if I waited too long and now you’re… You know, if you have moved on, it’s okay. I just want you to be happy, Chlo’.”

“Being with you would make me happy,” Chloe said. “And I can’t say it back yet, but I will. I want to, I just… I need time.”

“Take all the time you need,” Beca said. “I can wait.”

Chloe pulled Beca into a hug and held her tighter than she ever had before. “I want to kiss you so bad,” she said, causing a teary laugh to erupt from Beca.

“Me too,” she said. “But not while you’re with Chicago.”

“No,” Chloe agreed. “No, I know.” She ended their hug and cupped Beca’s face in her hands. “Are we really doing this? I’m not dreaming, right?”

“If it is a dream then I don’t want to wake up,” Beca said.

Chloe laughed and quickly wiped away a tear before her hands went to rest on Beca’s shoulders.

“That was kinda cheesy, huh?” Beca said.

Chloe nodded, still half-laughing, half-crying. “I’m gonna break up with him,” Chloe said. “And then, once the dust has settled, I’m gonna ask you out on a date.”

Beca smiled. “And I’m gonna say yes. And when it’s over, we’ll walk home, and before we open the door, I’ll invite you in for coffee.”

Chloe laughed and shook her head. “We live together.”

“So I know you’ll say yes,” Beca said. “And then I’ll kiss you, and then the next bit of our life together gets to start.”

Chloe closed her eyes and pressed her forehead against Beca’s. “I can’t wait,” she said. 

[letstrywritingmaybe]

I finally finished reading Catch-22 (I loved it, it’s ridiculous but it makes sense) so now I can read my last library book (it’s a Poirot one!) I’m feeling more on track writing wise too. I wrote the next chapter of the sibling verse and the powers one, and I started Mastermind. I was going to write the fake dating fic too, but I’m wondering if this is the last chapter so I’m hesitant to move forward right now… CoAi week is still the same. I’m on the last prompt and I just don’t know *sigh

Update: I really really really wish people would tag MCD. That would be really fucking great for me. And while we’re at it, I fucking wish y’all would tag the canon ship too. I’m so fucking triggered I can’t deal with it. I fucking hate this bullshit. Look I get why people write these fics and good for them, but I fucking hate them. They hold no value to me and I don’t like them and I’ll never like them. I’m so pissed right now and I can’t even do anything about it cause I support an author’s choice to write whatever the fuck they want. I just really fucking hate when it’s this same fucking shit again. I’m so over it. I’ve read it so many fucking times already. I know you can say the same about my fics too, which is why I never encourage anyone to read my fics cause it’s the same shit. I’m just fucking over it. I was having a pretty good day too till this bullshit. I hate it here. I’m gonna hope I can calm down enough to read my book and forget about how upset I am. I fucking wish I didn’t care so much about this ship that I get excited and read every fic that I haven’t read before. Tags my beloved, when authors choose to use you are the reason why I don’t completely lose my mind every time. I had a bad feeling about it too but I didn’t trust my gut cause again I was just excited. Why the fuck is it always my queen that dies and suffers and he gets to fucking move forward with his life and get a happily ever after. I’m getting flashbacks of my lunch convo over how much I fucking hate endgame too. If you’re gonna kill someone and give the other half of the ship a happy ending why can’t it be Shiho for once? I think I know of only one fucking fic where he died and she lived and married and shit. Cause even when yall decide to kill him, she’s fucking miserable and alone. What the fuck is up with that bullshit???? So he’s allowed happiness with someone else but my queen has to suffer and only love him and fuck up her own life? Fuck this noise. That’s really what I have a problem with. I fucking hate the double standard. Yeah, I’m not calm at all. This shit needs to fucking stop. Or at the very least write the fucking reverse and even it out more. Cause literally the ratio is fucking tipped all the way over on one side. I try to read fics and encourage people to continue writing but I really can’t support this nonsense. And I’m not going to. I know we have a major silent reader problem and I hate contributing to that, but also this shit sucks and I don’t want to be an asshole and tell someone to fuck off with shit I don’t like. I don’t even like book reviews that shit on a book, why would I like it on fics where the author doesn’t even get money out of it? I really need a new fandom. One that is easy and happy and has lots of fluffy fics for me to read. I’m tired of being sad every fucking day over this ship. It’s literally every fucking day. I really don’t know why I’m still here. I’m too weak to do this.

Update 2: one thing to be happy about I guess. I think it’s not technically true cause of all the fics under our tag that are really for the canon ship. But we have more CoAi fics than canon ship ones on ao3? Wow. I’m kinda surprised with the canon ship propaganda going strong still. Yeah I’m still very much annoyed over fics in our tag that are really written for the canon ship. So in my eyes we haven’t surpassed them. I started reading my book and I’m still annoyed *sigh this is gonna be a long night

[fanficshiddles]

The Redbridge Hunts, Chapter 22

Claire was in the kitchen cooking dinner, Loki was coming round so she said she would cook. He had requested her beef stew, which Claire was delighted to make again for him.

It was cooking in the slow cooker, it would be two hours. She wasn’t sure when Loki was coming round, he would no doubt just appear.

In the past week since finding out about him being a vampire, she’d never been happier. Loki seemed so relaxed and more of his true colours was coming out, he was so affectionate, more so than he had been before.

He hadn’t drank from her again since the first night, he told her that he wouldn’t do it regularly, as it would make her ill. Which she understood. He didn’t seem to be struggling with his instincts to feed from her, the first feed definitely seemed to have sated his needs.

Though his other needs, they satisfied plenty of times. She had the same needs too, of course. The sex with Loki was incredible, to say the least.

Claire had just poured herself a glass of wine when the buzzer went off. She skidded through to the front door and just pressed the button to open the main doors, she knew it would be Loki.

She felt like a giddy schoolgirl as she waited for him to come upstairs, she couldn’t resist opening the door and popping her head out to look for him coming along the corridor. She didn’t have to wait long, soon enough he came around the corner and made his way towards her.

Her heart started beating a little faster and her knees began to feel weak, and he wasn’t even in her flat yet. He just looked so confident, in control and powerful as he took large, quick steps towards her. He was wearing all black, his cosy looking coat and leather gloves, which of course drove her wild, it was those gloves after all.

Loki smirked when he saw her peeping out her door. He could also smell her already, plus slight arousal. He noted her glancing at his gloves, which made him chuckle a little.

As he reached her, her cheeks were a delightful shade of red.

‘Hello, my darling.’ He purred and slid his hand to the side of her neck, holding her as he leaned down to kiss her.

She reached up on her tiptoes and wrapped her arms around his neck to deepen the kiss. Loki slid his other hand round to her back and under her top, gently stroking across her back. The feel of the cool leather on her skin drove her mad already.

‘Well, someone seems keen to see me.’ He chuckled over her lips.

‘I’m always keen to see you.’ Claire grinned.

‘Mmm, me too, darling. May I come in?’

‘Oh sorry, I forgot you need permission to enter.’ Claire laughed, then paused for a second and stepped backwards. ‘Hmm… maybe I’ll just leave you here at the door.’ She teased.

Loki raised an eyebrow at her. ‘Are you sure about that? I get the feeling your hand wouldn’t be enough to satisfy your needs tonight. Wouldn’t you much rather cum all over my cock, repeatedly?’ He growled seductively.

Claire felt hot again all of a sudden. ‘Come in, come in.’ She blurted out quickly with a laugh as she darted off through her flat.

Loki ran inside, quickly shutting the door behind him before chasing her through to the living room. He pounced for her straight away and she tried to fight him off, but had no chance. Loki laughed as he wrestled her down on the sofa, she still tried to get away from him, but he soon had her trapped beneath him. He grabbed both of her hands and pinned them down above her head.

‘Got you.’ He growled and leaned down to kiss and suck her neck, making her whine as she let her head fall backwards to give him better access.

He chuckled against her skin and gathered her hands into one of his large ones, so he could slide his free hand down her cheek, then he brushed his thumb over her lips before pressing into her mouth. She looked up at him and fluttered her eyelashes at him as she suckled on his thumb and tasted the leather.

‘You look so innocent, my love.’ He chuckled.

‘Why don’t I show you how innocent I can be?’ She whispered over his thumb, then sucked on it again and swirled her tongue around to show what she meant.

Loki grinned widely as he leaned up and let go of her. She shuffled off the sofa as Loki sat down on it properly, legs splayed open with an obvious bulge. Claire knelt down between his legs and quickly unbuckled his belt, then undid his zipper.

As she pulled his cock out, Loki reached down to stroke her hair, she closed her eyes for a moment to revel in his touch, feeling like she was purring. The feel of his gloves against her scalp felt so good.

She opened her eyes to focus on him, he was hard and straining towards her. So she parted her lips and took him slowly into her mouth. Loki let out a groan and his soft touch turned into a tight grip of her hair as her wet, warm mouth surrounded him.

‘Ohhh, fuck.’ He growled as he let his head fall backwards.

Claire took her time and enjoyed sucking him off. She swirled her tongue around the tip of his cock, then worked her way down his shaft, then licked him like a lollipop for a while before slobbering all over him and taking him as far down her throat as possible.

Loki could smell her arousal, it was thick in the air along with his own. Knowing that she was getting off so much on giving him a blowjob was enough of a thought to make him cum, never mind the way she took him down her throat as far as possible before gagging a little on him and easing off slightly.

Claire was squeezing her thighs together as tightly as possible, the way he was grunting and growling was so erotic, and the feeling of being able to turn such a powerful being into an absolute mess with pleasure was so mind blowing for her.

She could tell when he was about to cum, he went silent for a few seconds and when she glanced up at his face, his eyes were shut and he was raising his hips upwards. She did her best to take him down as far as was comfortable, sucking steadily as he came with a loud groan.

Claire swallowed as much as she could, though some dribbled down her chin, but she grabbed a tissue from the table at the side to clean her mouth. Loki took a moment to gather his thoughts back to him, then he looked down at her, his eyes were darker and he licked his lips.

‘Oh, darling. That was… exquisite. Your mouth is such a wonder. Get your pretty little ass up here, let me repay the favour.’ He growled at her and patted his thigh.

She didn’t hesitate to climb up onto his lap, though was a little confused when he turned her around and positioned her so that her back was flush against his front. He draped her legs over his at either side, then spread his legs so hers was forced open too.

He slid both gloved hands underneath her top, reaching her breasts and squeezing them together. Claire let out a moan and her head fell back against his shoulder while he played with her nipples, making them perk up instantly under his cool touch.

His hands didn’t stay there long, his large, dominant right hand started to wander south down inside her leggings and knickers. She let out a squeak at the feeling, she was so turned on with his leather gloves being on.

Loki slowly slid two fingers through her folds, then pulled his hand back out and held them up on front of them both. His glove was glistening with her arousal.

‘My my… What a little slut you are, so turned on just from sucking me off.’ He chuckled in a dark tone, his words only turned her on more.

Loki sucked his fingers with a moan before delving his hand back down her knickers and touching her again. She began squirming so much on his lap, so he left her breasts alone with his left hand and just wrapped his arm around her waist, to keep her in place. She held onto his arm for something to grip.

He teased her slowly at first, circling her clit for a little while, then inserting two fingers into her and curling them against her g spot. He rubbed firmly against that sweet spot, his palm rubbed against her clit at the same time and she began panting like mad.

‘Oh my god.’ She cried out as her entire body coiled up, ready to explode.

‘You may not be innocent, but you are definitely my good girl.’ Loki purred into her ear.

He was a little surprised, yet delighted, when he felt her body clench around his fingers hard and her orgasm hit her like a rocket, his words being what sent her over the edge so quickly.

‘Definitely not innocent. Cumming all over my gloves like that… Look at the mess you’ve made.’ He growled low as he removed his hand after a few last slow strokes. He held his hand up again and it really was soaking.

She blushed hard and turned a little so she could hide her face into his neck, making him chuckle.

‘Well, have you always liked being called a good girl or is this a new kink unlocked? Hmm?’ Loki asked as he removed his gloves, tossed them to the side and then smoothed her hair back from her face and gripped her chin to turn her face upwards to him.

‘Uhm… I think… another kink unlocked. It’s you! You seem to be… awakening something in me.’ She said shyly and tried hiding her face again.

Loki chuckled and let her hide, he stroked her hair gently instead.

There was a beeping noise that suddenly came from the kitchen, which made Claire jump, she scrambled like a cat that didn’t want to be held off of Loki’s lap and ran for the kitchen. ‘Shit! The stew needs stirred!’ She called out.

Loki laughed and got up from the sofa. He tucked his cock away, then slipped off his jacket by the door to hang it up, he hadn’t even had a chance to take that off before they’d pounced for each other. He walked into the kitchen and his stomach grumbled at the delicious smell of stew in the air while Claire stirred it.

‘I can’t wait to eat.’ He said as he walked up behind her and put his hand on her hip.

‘I didn’t add garlic this time, knowing now what I know.’ Claire laughed.

‘Aww what? I can handle a bit of garlic.’ Loki whined.

‘I thought it made you go to the toilet a few times last time you had it?’ Claire turned around to face him, she wrapped her arms up around his neck as he slid his arms around her waist to pull her flush against his body.

‘It did… but it’s worth it, it’s so delicious. Please add garlic.’ He pouted.

Claire laughed and shook her head. ‘Are you sure?’

‘Very sure.’ Loki nodded.

‘Well, it’s a bit late… maybe if I add in garlic granules it will still give the taste but maybe not be quite as strong?’ She suggested.

‘Good idea.’ Loki nodded in agreement, but didn’t let her go even when she removed her arms from his neck.

‘Well… you need to let me go so I can do that.’ Claire teased.

‘Do I have to?’ Loki whined again.

‘You’re very whiny tonight.’ She laughed.

Loki shrugged. ‘I just enjoy getting my own way.’ He smirked.

‘So I see.’ Claire laughed again. She attempted to walk over to the cupboard where the granules were kept, dragging Loki with her who still didn’t let go of her, even as she made her way back to the slow cooker to add it into the stew.

‘Thank you, my darling.’ Loki said happily and kissed the top of her head.

‘I like making you happy.’ Claire said as she leaned into him.

‘I like making you happy, too.’ Loki hummed softly, burying his face into her hair and taking in her scent.

-

Loki and Claire lazed about in bed the following morning, they had lazy sweet sex, then showered together before going back to bed to snuggle for a while since it was a Sunday.

Though around nine, Loki’s phone rang and he tried to ignore it, but when he saw Severus' name flashing up on the screen, he thought he’d best answer.

‘Severus never calls. It must be important.’ He said to Claire with a frown.

He sat at the side of the bed as he answered his phone.

‘Hey, Severus. Is everything ok?’

‘No. Meet me by the river, just down from the bridge.’ Severus said quickly then hung up on him, before he could ask any questions.

‘What’s wrong?’ Claire asked, noticing Loki’s face change to one of concern.

‘I’m not sure.’ He frowned.

[chompisatheatrekid]

first starkid fic! pretty happy w it.

jason x richie (aka weeball), chatfic, slightly angsty, 1052 word

*10/21/21 , 4:07 pm*

*DMS with @jsnjepson and @weeaborichie*

jsnjepson: hi 

jsnjepson: did u get home safe?

weeaboorichie: I’m omw home right now

weeaboorichie: ╥﹏╥

jsnjepson: okay !!

jsnjepson: you have food yeah?

jsnjepson: for the plane tomorrow 

weeaboorichie: yeah

weeaboorichie: I have like everything 

weeaboorichie: I’m still so pissed abt it tbh (¬､¬)

weeaboorichie: god my eyes hurt

weeaboorichie: from crying o(TヘTo)

jsnjepson: I’m so sorry love

jsnjepson: it’s so unfair I’m sorry you have to go through this

jsnjepson: you wanna call?

weeaboorichie: that would be nice

weeaboorichie: I’m sorry about all of this

jsnjepson: it’s not your fault

jsnjepson: I’ll text you every day 

jsnjepson: I promise

*@jsnjepson started a call that lasted 4 hours, 21 minutes and 8 seconds.*

*10/22/21 , 10:35 AM”

*DMS with @jsnjepson and @weeaborichie*

jsnjepson: what are u doing rn? <3

weeaboorichie: we just got in the place

weeaboorichie: haven’t taken off yet 

weeaboorichie: when we do my wifi will probably get so shitty too

weeaboorichie: idk if I can talk to you then (ノ﹏ヽ)

jsnjepson: that’s fine, don’t worry about it please love

jsnjepson: how do you feel?

weeaboorichie: physically or mentally

weeaboorichie: physically fine , I took advil 

weeaboorichie: but mentally. god. so shit

weeaboorichie: jace I’m gonna miss you so so much

weeaboorichie: and pete 

weeaboorichie: and ruth 

weeaboorichie: I don’t wanna leave

weeaboorichie: I’ve never even met this woman

weeaboorichie: uncle paul hasn’t met her since he was like. a baby

weeaboorichie: I have no clue why we’re MOVING. to like buttfuck nowhere texas 

weeaboorichie: neither of us care abt her

weeaboorichie: but we gotta uproot our whole fucking lives to take care of her

weeaboorichie: I DONT KNOW WHY WE CAN’T MOVE BACK WHEN SHE KICKS THE BUCKET TOO

weeaboorichie: god I just. he won’t tell me much and

weeaboorichie: I love you guys too much to. never see you again

weeaboorichie: god I can’t think about that

jsnjepson: that’s so shitty

jsnjepson: I’m so sorry love 

jsnjepson: I love you so so so much okay prince?

weeaboorichie: I love you too

weeaboorichie: thank you

weeaboorichie: I love you

weeaboorichie: fuck fuck fuck we’re taking off

jsnjepson: have a good flight love

jsnjepson: text me when you land please?

weeaboorichie: will do

weeaboorichie: I love you

weeaboorichie: bye bye

jsnjepson: bye love <3

*11/02/21, 12:43 am*

*DMS with @IAMJAGERMAN-IAMGOD and @jsnjepson*

jsnjepson: dude I just fucking

jsnjepson: I miss him so god damn much

jsnjepson: I don’t want to get out of bed

jsnjepson: ever

jsnjepson: my eyes hurt from crying

IAMJAGERMAN-IAMGOD: you’re like 

IAMJAGERMAN-IAMGOD: so down bad man

IAMJAGERMAN-IAMGOD: you wanna

IAMJAGERMAN-IAMGOD: come over to my house or something 

IAMJAGERMAN-IAMGOD: later

jsnjepson: not really

jsnjepson: I don’t wanna do anything

jsnjepson: but thanks bro

jsnjepson: for asking 

*11/04/21, 3:14 pm*

*GROUPCHAT with @micropeter, @flemwad and @weeaboorichie* 

weeaboorichie: i want to go HOME

weeaboorichie: this SUCKS

weeaboorichie: I don’t know ANYONE HERE!!!

weeaboorichie: I still get bullied

weeaboorichie: I miss you guys so so much

weeaboorichie: I’d do anything for a movie night with you two

weeaboorichie: and Jason

weeaboorichie: oh god Jason

weeaboorichie: I miss him so so much

weeaboorichie: it like actually hurts

weeaboorichie: we text and call like every day but

weeaboorichie: it’s not the same

micropeter: Sorry Richie :(

micropeter: We miss you a lot here too.

micropeter: Study sessions are so so much more boring without you.

flemwad: YES THEY ARE

flemwad: godddd I’d even watch one of ur weird ass animes w you I miss you so much

flemwad: and not  for the sexy anime girls !!!

flemwad: not just for the sexy anime girls

weeaboorichie: thanks guys

weeaboorichie: I love you two

weeaboorichie: I’m gonna go eat dinner now

*11/07/21, 2:21 PM.*

*DMS with @jsnjepson and @weeaborichie*

jsnjepson: hi love!!

jsnjepson: how’s it going? everything sorta ok over there?

weeaboorichie: actually. pretty good! 

weeaboorichie: I met this kid at my new school

weeaboorichie: his name is Ethan

weeaboorichie: he’s so cool

weeaboorichie: he likes anime and stuff!! he’s all caught up on Naruto too!!! 

weeaboorichie: he lets me borrow his manga alllll the time

jsnjepson: woaaa!!!

jsnjepson: that’s so cool! I’m so happy for you!!! 

jsnjepson: you wanna have a movie night tonight? online? we can watch the movie for that anime you like

weeaboorichie: maybe sometime

weeaboorichie: I’m hanging out w Ethan tonight 

weeaboorichie: okay okay I gotta go!!

weeaboorichie: I love you so much 

jsnjepson: okay!! I love you prince

jsnjepson: have fun

*11/11/21, 6:58 PM*

*DMS with @jsnjepson and @weeaboorichie*

weeaboorichie: hey jace!! sorry it’s been so long 

weeaboorichie: I’ve been busy with my new school and Ethan and everything

*11/11/21, 8:43 PM*

weeaboorichie: jace?

weeaboorichie: sorry if ur busy I totally get it

jsnjepson: SORRY SORRY I’m so so sorry I’m sorry I was at Max’s house

jsnjepson: that’s fine that’s fine!! I’m glad you’re settling into things!!

jsnjepson: how’s everything going ?? how are you?

*12/02/21, 9:32 AM*

weeaboorichie: fine

weeaboorichie: school is nice! 

weeaboorichie: me and Ethan have an anime club now and it’s so cool we watch two episodes every Friday and it’s like book club but for anime

weeaboorichie: he’s so cool he got me a jujitsu kaisen hoodie for my birthday!!!

*12/02/21, 12:59 AM*

jsnjepson: that’s cool

jsnjepson: a bunch of scouts came to the last game at hfhs and talked to me and max

jsnjepson: we might get to go to a really good collage for this

jsnjepson: college

jsnjepson: what college are you going too? 

weeaboorichie: uh idk

weeaboorichie: I think the same one as Ethan he has it figured out and stuff

weeaboorichie: I want to at least

weeaboorichie: you could send me whatever college u wanna go too

weeaboorichie: I guess I could look into them

*01/01/22, 1:00 AM.*

weeaboorichie: happy new years

jsnjepson: happy new years

*02/16/22, 9:30 AM*

weeaboorichie: sry it’s been awhile since I checked in

weeaboorichie: hru?

*02/17/22, 2:54 AM*

jsnjepson: good 

jsnjepson: wbu?

weeaboorichie: fine

*02/20/22*

*03/05/22*

*03/15/22*

*03/20/22*

*03/29/22, 12:43*

jsnjepson: I dont think i’m in love with you any more

*Read*

[celandeline]

Summer of Like // Farleigh Start x OC (22)

We go to the field. And even though it’s just us, rules are rules, so we still strip before we enter the grass. It was dry the first time we were here, with the boys at the beginning of the summer, but now it might as well be straw for the way that it scratches at me. I probably shouldn’t smoke here, for fear of it catching fire, but I do anyway. Lately, I can’t bring it upon myself to care. I’m tired of this place. I want to go home. 

I didn’t realize how much I was depending on Farleigh for fun until now, that he’s gone. 

Venetia sighs next to me. “I wish Farleigh hadn’t ratted to Felix. Oliver will barely look at me now.” She says. “It’s so utterly boring.”

“Mm.” I hum around my cigarette. 

“What are we to do?” She sighs, overdramatic. “We’ve lost our men - mine won’t look at me, and yours is a criminal.”

“He’s not a criminal.” I say. 

“What else would you call it?” Venetia asks.

I pause, and think for a minute. “I don’t know.”

She turns to lay on her side, looking at me. “Did you ever kiss him?” She asks. 

I debate it in my head - we’re friends, and friends tell each other these sorts of things. But it feels like betraying Farleigh to say that I did. Telling Venetia that we kissed feels like admitting that she’s right to be as angry as she pretends to be, and that it’s perfectly fine to toss your family members out on the street over something that wouldn’t even put a dent in your finances. Does she deserve to know?

“No.” I say.

“A shame.” She says. “I was really hoping you would - too late, I guess. We’ll never know which of us was the best kisser.”

I let a silence settle over us, and idly smoke my cigarette. It feels like I’m mourning, a little. I didn’t know him well enough to cry, but I knew him well enough to want to know him better, and to rue the fact that I won’t get the chance. 

“You won’t miss him?” I ask. 

Venetia fiddles with the brittle ends of her hair. “I mean, yeah, obvs. But he tried to steal from us when Dad’s paying for his entire education. That’s plain evil.”

“It just doesn’t seem like something he’d do.” I say, carefully testing the waters. “He doesn’t- didn’t, I guess now, seem stupid.”

“He’s not.” She says. “He’s always got good marks - the only reason he kept getting expelled was ‘cause he kept sucking the teachers off. Like, he’s not stupid, but he is dumb.”

I know what she means - reckless. I smile a little at the image of Farleigh going out of his way to sleep with his teachers. I’m sure he got off on that power dynamic. 

“You’re kind of right though.” Venetia continues. “It’s weird, that he would try and steal something so obviously. I guess he wasn’t as sneaky as he thought he was.”

The conversation dwindles into nothingness, and I exhale a cloud of smoke, watching it dissolve into the air. That’s all I’m going to get from her, I think. That’s all I’d get from any of them. I try to put it to rest in my mind, but the closure isn’t enough. It’s frustrating that I won’t get anything more, now that he’s gone. I can’t ask him what he was thinking, or what really happened. I hate to say ‘oh well’, but what else is there to do?

“Oliver’s party’s tomorrow.” Venetia says conversationally. “What were you thinking of wearing?”

“Whatever you give me.” I say, smiling at her. 

She grins. “I don’t know why I asked - I’ve got the cutest costumes for us. Obviously nothing too over the top, but I’ve got a dress that looks like it’s made of spiders web for me, and a dress that’s covered in peaseblossoms for you. Like the fairies in the play.”

“Cute.” I say. And it does sound cute - but my sour mood makes me all too aware of how she treats me as a doll, to dress up and play with and follow her around until she gets bored of me. Expendable, once she finds someone else to fawn over her. I can’t help it though, it’s an overwhelming sense to care for her, like a force of nature. 

“I know.” She scrunches up her nose in a smile. “Maybe I’ll try it on with him again tomorrow night.” She muses aloud. “Give him a birthday present he won’t forget.”

“Disgusting.” I say. 

She giggles, flopping onto her back. “I just want to know how big it is when he’s hard.” She says. “Like, it’s got to be huge if it’s that big while he’s soft. And it’s his birthday, of course. He deserves at least a handjob.”

“You didn’t give me a handjob for my birthday.” I say. 

“I barely knew you then, it was only October!” Venetia says. “And you don’t have a penis!”

I roll so that I’m propped up on my side, partially hovering over her like I had with Farleigh the night we kissed. “And if I did have a penis?”

“I’d have given you a handjob.” She says, grinning. “Probably more.”

I can’t help but smile, lowering myself so that I’m just a bit closer to her. “You’d be so in love with me if I was a man.”

She tips her head back so that our lips are parallel. “Probably.” She says softly. One of her hands comes up to wind around the back of my neck, and pulls me down so that our lips meet briefly. When I pull away, her smile is wide. “But you’re not.”

I flop down on my back next to her. “Farleigh’s a better kisser.”

She gasps, loud, and sits up, looking down at me. “You said you didn’t!”

“I lied.” I shrug in the grass. 

“Why’d you lie?” She demands. “We’re supposed to be best friends!”

I shrug again. “I don’t know. I’m just a little…” I trail off, the presence of the hole Farleigh left behind washing over me again. 

She tilts her head. “Yeah.” She says. “Me too.” 

It’s the most genuine thing I’ve heard her say in a while. 

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