#boys will be Barbie

[call-me-maggie13]

Things my coworkers said during the Barbie movie:

Carson (17) : “wait. Is Ken the OG incel?”

Jermie (22) : “where do I get those rollerblades?” Also “That little girl is kinda mean. It’s not Barbie’s fault the world sucks. She should punch a president instead of yelling at Barbie.”

Jalen (19) : “now I’m upset that horses don’t run the world.”

Ken (24) : [quietly, during “I’m Just Ken,” in time with the music] “Ken. Ken. Ken. Ken. Ken.”

Caleb (18, his first day was the same day we went to the movie) : “I always thought I would want Morgan Freeman to narrate my life, but now I want Lizzo to write a song about it.”

Nathan (22, dressed up as Allan) : “Midge is actually Allan’s wife. Did you know that? He’s not actually gay. I mean, he is because him and Ken definitely fuck but - ” [gets told to shut up by another movie-goer] [quietly] “some people don’t know the Barbie lore and it shows.”

Cody (20, brought his gf but made her sit alone so he could sit with us) : “I like the little old lady. She reminds me of my granny. Except less racist.”

Questions the boys asked after the Barbie movie:

Carson : “I don’t think I understood it. Why was Barbieland supposed to be better than the real world if the Kens were treated like objects.” [we all kinda explain it] “Wait. Maggie. You feel like a Ken every day? I’m so sorry.”

Jermie : “Why did the old lady not tell Barbie she could be real? Is that something I was supposed to understand?”

Jalen : “Was that Dua Lipa? Was she a mermaid? Also, Ryan Gosling? Margot Robbie? Kate McKinnon? Dude. I thought this was gunna be bad just because it had so many big Hollywood people. But it was - god. Greta Gerwig will definitely be mentioned in my next therapy session. Can we come back next week?”

Ken : “Did you cry? I didn’t cry. It was alright.” (he definitely cried. Twice. I sat next to him.)

Caleb : “Can we get matching I Am Kenough shirts?”

Nathan : “Can I write a letter to Greta Gerwig to both thank her and ask her to never make a movie again? I don’t think I’ll survive another Greta movie.” (He has seen Little Women (2019) and Lady Bird (2017). He claims to have not recovered from either of them as well.)

Cody : “What’s a gynecologist?”

[prettypierbi]

Reblog if you like what you see,then we can have fun later 😘💦 💋

[insomniac-arrest]

People are calling Ken a trophy husband but forget he has a LOW volume of clothes and nice shoes. Clothes he has to share with 2-7 other men (and Allen). Barbie is not buying that Guy a 20-Carat diamond ring or convertible sports car to keep him around.

Not a kept man, but a couch surfer that is able to bum rides to the beach (affectionate) bc he’s got good vibes and no job and is polite to Barbie’s 20 other female friends and Midge

[peachhoneii]

Ken was more than an antagonist/villain but a representation/metaphor for all the sweet boys in our lives who eventually grew up to be misogynistic men. Who take more than they’ll ever give. They are the boys who felt under-appreciated and unloved and found validation from Andrew Tate podcasts.

A lot of women if not all can relate to that on some level. Son. Brother. Friend. Cousin. Nephew. Uncle. It happens so much more than we want to think about. It’s so prevalent and sad that despite everything Ken did, Barbie apologized to him and received no apology in return.

Barbie Land was far kinder than Kendom. The Barbies were dismissive about the Kens, yes, but they were always treated kindly and with some decorum. Kendom literally made the Barbies their servants designed to cater to their every whim. Just look at that. And even then, Barbie apologized. President Barbie gave them a (admittedly low) position in the courts as a token of good will. A fairly realistic take right there but so sad considering the harm they’d done.

He stole her dreamhouse. He stole Barbie’s dreamhouse. And she apologized for hurting him.

[zaana]

I drew my OG boys in the barbie meme format

[colouredbutnotblue]

Officers of the law (Inspired by Barbie 2023)

[morguesalad]

They agreed to go to the cinema but forgot to decide on which movie.

I saw the barbie movie a few hours ago with my family and UGLY cried

[pop-generation]

[aneclipseatdusk]

Barbie trend BkDk 🧡💚

[wtimetravelgentlemen]

this barbie makes nice tea :) hes just ren

[call-me-maggie13]

I’m bored and the guys at work are being goofy so here’s a list of no context things I’ve heard from The Boys™ recently.

“Call me a fake lesbian but I don’t really like girl in red. Clairo? Love. WILLOW? Besties. Hayley Kiyoko? Lesbian Jesus. But Girl in Red and I don’t really vibe. Sorry.”

“Maybe I’m losing my mind, but I wanna bite that truck.”

“Aye, watch your language.” “Will it do a flip?” “What?” “Watch it’s gunna do a flip!” [flips manager off]

“Have y’all heard about the Zuckerberg V. Musk fight? Okay let’s debate. Kanye or Swift, who would win? Actually. That wouldn’t be fair, Kanye never stood a chance. Okay. Obama or Trump? Fists only, no weapons.”

“Do you ever wonder if grass can feel? Like. What if it screams on a frequency I can’t hear every time I step on it? What if the fresh mowed grass smell is actually grass tears and blood?”

“I know we all agreed, but…”

“If lightning struck me right now, would y’all try to save me?”

“Sometimes I’m like ‘Hozier is a god.’ And sometimes I’m like ‘Hozier is just some guy.’”

“Someone threw away a black American Express card. Can I keep it? It’s not expired.”

“I’m not allowed to set off fireworks anymore. It’s not my fault I didn’t know they were actual explosions that could burn a house down. No, this wasn’t when I was a kid, this was like three months ago.”

“What do you think the sky tastes like?”

“When I was twelve, my mom hit me with her car backing out of the driveway and she didn’t even take me to the hospital. I think I broke my arm and I’m pretty sure that’s why my wrist does this. [shows wrist making clicking noise when he rolls it]”

“Okay. But. What if. Nope wait, I think that’s illegal.”

“God customers are stupid. Are you closed?? No lady, the sign says we’re closed because we’re open. It makes me want to eat a car battery.”

“If you could only eat one bug for the rest of your life, what would it be?”

“What are y’all’s opinions on potato flavored chewing gum?”

“Can I start bringing my dog to work?”

“Can I break this? I know it’s already broken, I want to break it more.”

“I’m a simple man. I like when things go boom. That doesn’t mean I started the fire.”

“Sometimes I like to take a bath and pretend I’m a little potato getting boiled to make some mashed potatoes.”

“Why can’t I be a duck? Why do I have to be a person?”

“But if I just punch him in the face, I don’t have to worry about him being mean anymore.”

“Maggie. Maggie. Maggie. Maggie. Maggie. Maggie. Maggie. Mag - okay I’m bored now.”

“If I was a rock, I think I’d be a big blue smooth shiny rock. What rock would you be?”

“I have an announcement to make. Stalactites and stalagmites. That is all. Carry on.”

“Sorry, was that gay?”

“I think being an adult is all about being nice to yourself. And taxes, maybe.”

“Why does the dirt over here taste saltier than the dirt by the flowers?”

“No. If I’m not asking him about Taylor Swift, what makes you think I’d ask him about Gracie Abrams?”

“Can I make a list of everyone’s red flags?” “Only if you list their green flags too.”

“I had to change your contact name to Charles. I don’t know why Charles, I just panicked and picked the first name I could think of.”

“Sometimes I forget she’s your mom.” “She’s not my mom. Do you think she’s my mom?” “Not anymore.”

“God. Everyone wants to be Donna but no one wants to be Rachel. No one is Donna except Donna. Everyone else is Rachel. Or they’re Harold.” (Someone please tell me what this means, I have no idea what he’s talking about)

“Why do crickets taste like that?”

“Oh to be a silly little horse in a silly little field being taken care of by a silly little person I could crush like a bug beneath my silly little hooves.”

“Tell me more, tell me more, like does he have a car?”

“The world went to hell when autopsies started testing for poison. Women just can’t poison their husbands anymore. That was the true beginning of the downfall of society.”

“What happens if someone asks to take their motorcycle through the carwash?”

“You don’t have to file customer complaints if you eat the paper they’re written on.”

“And if I said I still haven’t forgiven John Wilkes Booth, what would you say?”

“I don’t say this lightly, but the Pedro Pascual edits on tiktok have confused me sexually.”

“I just pulled a dead bird out of some guy’s grill. Anyone hungry?”

“Taylor Swift might have forgiven him but that doesn’t mean I have to!”

“Why aren’t we allowed to have a company pet? Firefighters get Dalmatians, we should be allowed like. A fish or something.”

“I dreamt that I came to work yesterday and worked an entire shift, is there any way I can get that added to my pay?”

“My girlfriend is mad at me because I keep playing I’m Just Ken and telling her she’s Kenough.”

“Can we close early on October the thirteenth? Oh, no reason… On a completely unrelated note: what should I wear to the Eras Tour movie?”

“If my grandmother confessed to murdering my grandfather but it happened in like the eighties, do I have to report it? Hypothetically, of course.”

“Sometimes a man just needs to cry to mirrorball and tolerate it in his car. Sometimes he just needs to scream Death by A Thousand Cuts. Sometimes…”

“I accidentally just called a customer Mom and she gave me her phone number, what do I do?”

“It’s only blasphemy if you get caught. Do you really think God has time to listen to everything every single person says?”

“Sometimes I wish I was a woman but then I remember this is America and I thank the stars that I’m not. Sorry, Maggie.”

“Why is it so hard to find a stupidly rich woman searching for a trophy husband?”

“Do you think I could walk through the carwash instead of taking a shower?”

[after a guy’s day off] “I missed you guys yesterday. I wish I never had to leave.”

“My sister told me I was adopted and my mom got mad because she wasn’t supposed to but like. My parents are white. I’m black. I already knew.”

“I just had a child quote Revelations at me because I told him he shouldn’t drink the glass cleaner.”

“I forgot my shoes. Also, I just stepped in glass in the parking lot, someone should really clean that up.”

“I think everyone should be allowed to kill someone if they have a really good reason. I would kill the guy that called my sister a bitch because she didn’t want to sleep with him. Who would you kill?”

“Is… is that… not… normal?” [hint: it was not.]

“I stand with Sansa - I mean Sophie Turner.”

“I still don’t understand why I’m not allowed to punch customers in the mouth for being assholes to Maggie and Dru.”

“What kind of tree do you think I am?”

“Apparently I was supposed to listen to the new Olivia Rodrigo album with my girlfriend and now she’s upset with me for listening to it with y’all first.”

“Every night, I go to sleep and every morning, I wake up. How do I stop this cycle?”

[prettypierbi]

Say hi if you love boobies (specifically mine 👅😩💦🥯🍆)............. Waiting 😘

[toowolfstarlight]

Reblog if you like what you see,then we can have fun later 😘💦 💋

[vulto-cor-de-rosa]

I'll never forgive Neil Gaiman for dropping the second season of good omens on my birthday. I thought that it would be a little birthday gift for me, after going to watch Barbie and Oppenheimer in the cinema and end the day as a happy little birthday boy with the new season of Good Omens but NOOO

[lomlompurim]

What if instead of waking up in the mushroom body, sqq woke up in a doll.

Something something while lbh was away in the abyss, sqq without noticing offended a misterious (demonic-succubi-esque???) cultivator with a weird thing for making dolls. She had dolls all over her secret workshop that she very kindly let him into when she heard about the famous Xiu Ya sword being in the city.

What she wanted of him? Who knows, sqq couldn't bring himself to care. She probably wanted his money or try to steal his hair, the hair of those dolls seemed very much like real hair, although he had to admit the level of details on these dolls were amazing.

(she wanted to trick him into buying one of her cursed dolls and steal his life energy little by little, but got wifebeamed by widow sqq during their conversation about how talented she was to be able to make so many dolls, and without really understanding he rejected her with little to no emotion on his face)

So she cursed him, and since sqq didn't feel anything bad at the moment he thought it just didn't work and left, not sparing the curse a single thought after their encounter.

The rest of the story goes as usual, excep that after he self detonates his soul doesn't go into the mushroom body, instead it got directly into the shape of a doll in the workshop of this woman.

His first thought is thinking someone snitched the mushroom body bc wtf wasn't he supposed to wake up under the dirt??? Why this place smells slightly familiar? Like paint and humidity and floral perfumes?? and why everything looks fucking giganourmus?!?! A teapot should NOT look that big from his position....Oh no, did the mushroom body turned out as small as a squirrel? WhAT is happening?!

And then he looks at his arms and legs, and he has joints. White paper skin with joints in his wrists, elbows, torso, waist, knees, feet. And he panics, a lot.

The woman who cursed him starts monologuing about how she trapped him now, and you are mine, I made this doll specially for you master shen, this is my revenge for your insolence to leave me yada yada- Sqq stoped listening a while ago.

Somehow he manages to escape from this woman and now he is roaming around as the size of some apples. Everything is huge. Everything is dangerous, even the grasshopers! And this body is fragile! He can't feel heat nor cold, neither hunger or other things, but he is useless with no spiritual veins inside, and if someone is not looking carefully, they might crush him. And the way back to cq is gonna be a hell of a trip! But he needs airplane to fix this. He can't stay as a doll forever! He needs a mushroom body and then fly into the sunset far from this mess! Adiós! Goodbye! So his new plan is to infiltrate into cang qiong, look for that rat and disappear. Sneaking into some disciple's pouch must be enough to break in.

Something something it only had passed a few months since lbh stole sqq's body and everything is still very fresh. CQ mountain is a hot mess. Sqh frankly needs to lay down and take a nap. Lqg keeps figthing with Lbh practially every day and coming back beaten bloody, he has his king pestering him and a lot of paperwork to do, Lbh is a pain in the ass, Yqy is really close to snap and start a war with HHP, and he knows nothing about his bro. So yeah. Such a great time to be alive.

The mushroom bodies should had been ready, right? He must be alright...Yeah. He has enough already to keep him busy. Cucumber bro is gonna come out and stumble across at any moment. No one would bat an eye if he takes a nap, right? He deserves it. He is overworked enough for another lifetime, his head hurts, his bones hurt everywhere, a short nap should be fine...

Until he feels something small tugging his robes and a cold tiny finger poking his eyelids. But he doesn't want to. He is very comfortable on the floor of his office. Whatever bird decided to pick a fight with his face can keep trying.

"AIRPLANE, WAKE UP, YOU HACK! I NEED YOU TO FIX THIS! WHY IS A WITCH WITH ANACHRONISTIC HAUNTED DOLLS IN THIS NOVEL? THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!"

That voice. That fucking annoying voice was of just one person and one person only. He opened his eyes, looking for the source of the unmistakable voice of his No1 hater, but he came across with a pretty porcelain doll. With a very ugly sneer in it's face.

"W-Wha-?...Bro-?!"

"Fucking finally! Why are you sleeping on the floor in your ofice?! I was looking around your bedroom like an idiot! Do you know how close I was to falling from your window?!"

-TBC-

[liha1223]

Reblog if we can cum together 🤤