#like I've heard of it happening to other people so hopefully i just stay tumblrs specialist little guy lol

[ghetto-omega]

"Incredibly common white people space" is so true

Like no shade to white people fr but as someone who is poc, I'm always like- "man.. where's the bipoc 😭"

It doesn't make feel lonely but I'd definitely feel less? Alienated if there was more melanin in the both the misces and alterhu communities

Yes absolutely !! I'm still so afraid of talking about any serious experiences I've had as a black person on here, I just don't wanna be alienated anymore than I already am both IRL and online 😭🤚🏾 it's just the little things that make you feel estranged, like if I use a lot of AAVE in a post it never gets as much interaction as it would if I just talked "properly".

Like I'm already stepping so far out of my comfort zone just making my blackness known, and like.. kinda a central part of my blog !! I just really hope other POC/BIPOC take a little comfort in it maybe U⁠^⁠ｪ⁠^⁠U

Besides, I'm having a lot of fun here !! Even tho I have a couple miscecanis friends irl, they've never been really interested in the world building side of things so I'm glad I get to share it with people who DO care about that lol

Thanks for the ask anon, I love you I love you I love you U｡⁠･⁠ω⁠･⁠｡U

[re-bee-key]

Just watched the Tumblr Live QnA Panel, and here's some of my thoughts:

* Had to toggle on Tumblr Live to watch and agree to the terms.

The stream itself was a little low quality visually, not terrible, but either they used a low quality camera or streaming isn't up to the same quality as other sites like Tiktok

* the gifting feature that mimics Tiktok was obnoxious. Users that seem to use Tumblr Live a lot where using gifts very often. The gift icons would take up most of the screen covering chat.

Some people in chat suggested that the gifters were Staff plants to make the site seem more popular than it is. There is no way to verify if they are or are not. But these individuals talked in the chat about how they use Tumblr Live all the time, and some dont even have blogs they only use Live. Which is????

I don't like the gifting emojis. But i dont like them on Twitch or tiktok either, so shrug emoji, i guess

Questions Answered (that i remember)

* The Chronological Dashboard will stay. They mentioned this several times that tumblr, while they are going to improve the For You algorithm, the main Chronological Dashboard will not change.

* Tumblr Live apparently isn't blocked in Europe and is just waiting for approval, which is soon. They said it being blocked was misinformation. (Which i have no way to verify.)

* LGBTQA+ and specifically Trans content getting flagged or censored is a bug, apparently. They said it happens from time to time, but reporting should fix it. Users in the chat were unhappy with this answer since the issue has lasted for such a long time and doesn't seem or feel random. But they did not comment further.

* Tumblr posts being collapsable was not super addressed. They sort of skimmed over this question and just said that they try lots of new features to see what works and what doesn't. Apparently, there will be a toggle to turn this feature on or off.

* Tumblr Groups was addressed. It was shut down because not enough users used the feature.

Apparently, not many users use Tumblr Live either, but they want to keep working on it to make it appealing.

* Another bit about Tumblr Live. CEO essentially said they will not give the option to permanently toggle off the feature.

One user had asked if Tumblr had investors. CEO said, "Of course."

CEO did mention they "might" add a way to permanently turn off tumblr live. But it if they did, it would be a paid option over $20.

* One user commented that they are epileptic and that certain ads trigger their seizures because of the flashing colors and wanted to know what they would do for this issue. Tumblr CEO said "Well you could pay for No Ads."

CEO talked about paying to go ad free a lot. Saying only 25 thousand users pay for it at the moment.

Personally, it seems really irresponsible to suggest that the only way to fix an accessibility issue is for a user to pay money. As if disabled people dont have to pay enough as it is.

* I had asked if they were willing to work with more artists for Merch and Badges. They said they are working on it and there is a feature called Creatr that is set up to uplift creators and work with them on merch ideas.

I've never heard of Creatr. He seemed like we should have known what it was? Maybe they should promote that more. I know we all want more ways to support artists.

* More Badges and Achievements are coming. Apparently, a Legacy Badge that shows how long you've been on tumblr is in the works. (Im personally very excited about Badges.)

* Tumblr is thinking bout doing more QnA and even meet ups at different conventions and some even at the headquarters themselves. (They did not acknowledge questions that asked for a Headquarters video tour.)

Anyways, that was about all I can remember. Staff didn't record the panel, so hopefully, one of the other users did.

They talked about other random stuff. Calling out gifters specifically and rambling about donuts and books.

Oh, also, they brought a ball pit. Which is, yeah. Lol

[blackbutlerfandomnerddomain]

I know I don't usually post anything like this but two of my followers send me these Twitter links...and I feel sick...

Recently a lot has happened to me personally so I apologize for my inbox for that, and I'm so sorry for the anons who send me these with your words, I wasn't ignoring any of you I swear... In the end this is important and needs to be shared

Recently I reblogged a post that talked about how we can help and do something for the people in Gaza, but I want to share a site my cousin and I look at and use a lot:

If you're like me and want to help but don't know how, this will help. I know it can be scary but you can also check the tags here on Tumblr or any other social media and you'll find plenty of sites maybe better than me to help you, I do highly want y'all to check this one though since it is very special to me

And I know it may be small, but knowing the companies who look at the children and don't give a crap about their tears, support shoulders humiliating and abusing anyone and anything, and laugh at people calling them out, boycotting helps a lot, and I'll leave that link here

I can't tell you how much I've heard already of people complaining about how unfair they can't eat McDonald's and just go back to the same old same old instead, but I haven't eaten, used, or looked at a lot of these products and brands since finding out which ones to avoid. But if you still use or I guess have in your life some of them, you aren't a hypocrite. No one's perfect. I'll admit I still use Google since it's kind of hard to step away from that with the Internet is my job basically now. It's up to you how you take the information and how to use it in the end

I know my random post in my random blog may not make a huge impact, but anything can help where hopefully this will end sooner than never, that hopefully we do save a family or one person just by being careful.

This will be my pinned comment until all this ends, regardless of any updates I have for the future.

For that, that'll be it from me for now. Stay safe y'all and please be good people

[sout999]

dear tumblr ,,⋋(•◇•)⋌,,

thank you so much for all the support on my top surgery fundraiser, whether it's donating, reblogging or just staying patient with while i boost the link multiple times. which i am going to keep doing! it's no understatement that this is the single biggest positive thing that's happening in my life, and the time i need your help most. so i'm making my voice heard as much as i possibly can to spread the word, and i appreciate all your help with it. it makes me feel loved as a person and not as a bunch of posts on a dashboard, i've been getting pretty isolated because of mental health stuff so even the small connection we have from your act of goodwill is really meaningful to me

i've been ok, mostly putting in work on my masters degree, although some of the 'work' included having a massive breakdown from months of burnout, and i'm currently in the middle of trying to get an extension and rework a large part of my project. mostly this is due to the subject matter of my work having had a lot of loaded cultural and personal themes, which, when being forced to think about nonstop for two years, while also moving in with the family member who is the source of a large part of all the trauma of it, was just too much. taking a stance to axe the project in its current form was hard and made me feel like a quitter but now i feel relief and realize it was an act of self love as well

so i'm trying to recover from that and see a way forward to a project i would like doing, but it's hard when your circumstances have left you this depressed. i'm also trying to become more mindful of the way i use social media because when i'm anxious i fall very easily into the numbness sink of scrolling social media just to avoid thinking... i've stared a daily list of Ten Things That Happened That Day That Didn't Happen On The Internet, although i never get to ten, and i dont think even pre-internet leon would have gotten to ten, but it's good to aim high and take notice even of the little things. maybe to some people this comes naturally but i have to be very deliberate about it. i think this article sums up how im starting to feel about the internet rn

i've cut most personal spending down as much as possible to save up to my top surgery, so i have to find fun things to do that don't cost money. i'm trying to sew because my partner knows a lot about it and can teach me (i'm currently trying to engineer the perfect underwear, weird hobby but it's actually an amazing dysphoria-buster because most store bought underwear that fits my ass is so feminine, to be able to make a piece of something so intimate be so personal is, omg, an act, of, omg, self love). i've also sold off some things to help save for my top surgery and doctor visits, i'm trying to not get rid of anything i will really miss but it's also an enjoyable feeling to imagine the item disappearing as it becoming a permanent part of my history and of my sexy flat boy body (~o_o)~

if i end up having some free time outside of my masters degree, my current dream project is making pixel assets. i think with all the cases of my art getting stolen and used without permission it would actually be really cool to put something together specifically for public use. i miss kaoani and flower banners and stuff. i dont know if i can ever make something so saccharinely cute and tidy but if anything it's a nice space to visit

did you miss me coming to tumblr to make long winded posts about nothing? hopefully when twitter falls we will all be on here reading each others paragraphs, hopefully i'll have more going on in my life and can write even longer ones. here is a nice drawing, and a link to the fundraiser once again :)

https://gofund.me/958124b6

[girlcalledwhatsername]

Not a whole thought if you're willing to entertain it here, but we just wish people would be openly and loudly supportive of our endogenicity re: plurality because, like, we can keep ourselves going usually but sometimes it gets to us that even the more understanding allies will be very quiet about it. :(

Not sure if this deserves a whole explanation on our own blog, but it's not quite something we can just Not Say either, and your blog also fits? Why are people loud about everything but inlcusys stuff (if we can be incredibly crass and oversimplify for a bit in our frustration)?

Anywayssss also hello, we hope you're doing okay. :D

Hello! Hope you're doing okay as well

I understand the frustration when it seems that a discussion about something only stays within that particular community, it happens with a lot of disabilities or controversial ideas and it can feel quite alienating, I'm sorry that you're facing this too :(

Idk if you're actually looking for some kind of explanation or if you just wished to vent but if it was the latter I apologise

I think for one, DID is not often discussed in the mainstream that much. I can't speak for how it is offline in western spaces, but at least here the awareness is very very vague even with those who are in mental health advocacy circles. People started calling it DID instead of MPD only recently. I myself hadn't heard the terms like systems and endogenic/traumagenic till I saw them on Tumblr, and from what I can tell from when I looked them up back then, all the sources on it also seem to be independently published by people within these communities themselves, so the discussion hasn't quite breached the mainstream yet. Hopefully that part at least will be rectified in time.

As for within online spaces, when I came on here and heard these many terms i didn't understand I too was overwhelmed and confused by it, took some time to read enough to understand it. Honestly from the kind of understanding I had of DID, I always assumed some people are gonna be that way just because and some are gonna develop these personalities because of specific events. Much like most human differences or neurodivergence.

One thing I do want to bring up about more talked about ideas around DID and even how it's represented is how it is seen as inherently unhealthy and something to be "cured" as these differences often are. I personally believe anything that isn't causing distress, even if it's a "symptom", doesn't need to be changed in any capacity, it's a similar reaction that people often have to hallucinations that aren't necessarily distressing where just because it's different it must be unhealthy and needs to go away at any cost. And i think these notions being internalised is where a lot of this refusal to accept what I understand endogenic systems to be comes from. Because people can't handle someone being at peace with their differences, doing it the "wrong way", even if the person themself has no issue with the way DID is manifesting for them personally.

I'll confess that I keep putting off thinking about my own plurality like I used to do with my gender, and a big part of that is how I'm still quite intimidated by labels and terminology, it's not affecting me badly so I just brush it aside to be understood another day. And I've never found someone with more experience to talk it through with either.

So I genuinely believe that by and by the discourse will breach containment so to speak and get talked about more. Again, i can't speak for how it is in other regions but the terminology is probably new to a lot of people who will understand it by and by. It's gonna take time but we'll get there, and in the meantime, if you ever want to talk about this stuff my messages are always open ❤️

[anonymous-swiftie]

If you are on twitter, please retweet this:

https://twitter.com/ASwiftie00/status/1334245577933148164?s=19

Dear #Swifties,

I'm new on tumblr, and I really don't know how to use it.

I know you are the best supporters of the music industry and I'm here to ask your help.

I'm fighting with a crippling depression, that due this covid situation just got worse.

I'm at my lowest, I truly don't know if I will make it through this time.

I always dreamed to talk to Taylor, since I was a teenager. She is the only one that make me feel like I do fit in this world.

I've created this account because I know she is very active here, and I'm trying to reach her with this part of my story.

You can read everything below.

I didn't write any personal information because I don't want this to be seen by my family or somebody that can recognise me.

I don't want upset anyone.

I know that everyone hope to meet or chat with her, and so you are probably wondering why you have to share this here.

You're totally right, maybe it's a stupid idea to ask you this, but I haven't anything left in my pocket to fight this situation, and you're my only hope right now.

Thank you.

#taylor #swift

*******************************************

Dear Taylor,

I keep writing and deleting this, over and over again.

I feel so dumb to write my personal story here, but this truly is my last chance to feel better and try to overcome this giant monster called depression.

I genuinly don't know if I can make it through this year. It's the worst period of my entire life and i don't even know if it's worth living this hell anymore.

I know you have millions of supporters (that probably write you every single day, and they are all better fans than I am, that's for sure) but I know that you proved, time after time, to be so down to earth and to use your time to read your fans messages.. so, in this moment, I'm just trying to share a part of my story with you.

You are the one that make feel understood, since I was like 13teen.

I'm so sorry if my English isn't very good but I'll do my best.

I'm not very active on social media , because I'm very shy when I have to talk about myself.. but If this could work, I must do it.

I will try to send a letter, If I can find the strength to mark this feeling on paper.

**IF I'M WRITING TO SOMEBODY FROM HER STAFF, PLEASE JUST LET THIS MESSAGE REACH TAYLOR**

I'll try now to resume, because I don't want to bother you too much.

This has been a crazy year so far, and the all the time I spent by myself during the lockdown didn't help at all.

This situation brought me back to childhood.

I spent a lot of my days back and forth in hospitals, due to my allergies.

I had to wear a mask all the time I wanted to go outside to avoid severe allergic reaction (that's why this Covid thing awakened some hurting memories)

I didn't have real friends back then, 'cause I've spent most of the summers at home, watching other kids playing around, from my window, or from the windows of my classroom.

It was so hard to make new friends, because the only thing that other kids saw was my mask.

I was the masked kid.

I was the strange kid.

I couldn't play with them.

Everytime I tried to play with them, the only thing I heard was "oh you are ill , I don't wanna be like you so stay away".

This situation made me start to write things in my personal diary.

I wrote small sentences, as a kid, and that was the only thing I could do alone inside an empty classroom during all summer.

This situation continued  for many years.

I wasn't the cool kid before, I wasn't the cool guy after.

The only things that let me enjoy those days were writing and listening to your songs.

I started to listen to your music thanks to my English teacher. She was a fan of folk and country music and she gave me a pic in which you were singing near a lake (I still have that photo somewhere, I strongly remember the white banner with your name written in red on it) and told me to listen to the cd she gave me that day.

I immediately fell in love (I think I still have a crush on you, I'm sorry).

I loved your album. I loved your voice. I loved the lyrics.

I remember having a "test" in school: each one of the class had to write their favourite lyrics and let the others guess the song.

If the someone guessed It, We could play the cd.

I chose Love Story and I translated it in Italian.

The class guessed the song, and I played it.

After the lunch break I went back to my desk and I saw some bullies that were breaking my cd-album and they started to laugh at me because I loved your music an I loved writing poems.

I was a boy so I was a loser because I enjoyed those things.

That felt terrible, but I continued to love your songs even more .

Those were my inspiration to write and to study english.

I felt so good when I listened to your album and this still happens.

Then I went to a private high-school.

Nothing changed, I still was the nerd guy that always got good grades and I have to say that the first year was quite good, but the second year was the start of the apocalypse.

I choose that school because two girls that I knew from childhood went there.

One of the cool new guys started to spread a fake "news" about me.

He said to everyone that I was the boyfriend of one of the two girls that I mentioned before.

So he was the cool guy and one of the girls believed him and told me to f*** myself.

The other girl was her best friend, so you could imagine by what happened next.

After 14 year spent together, I was nobody.

I didn't have "friends" in that class anymore.

I didn't say hello to anybody for 4 years, and nobody would say anything to me.

Nobody to talked with me.

That's great when you're a teenager.

I hated to wake up every morning.

I had an eating disorder, I lost like 22pounds in less than a month. Got hospitalized twice. I kept vomiting for 3 years, every single morning before school.

During that time I only talked with one of my cousins, who lived like 2 hours by car from me.

He was older than me but he always tried to help.

He knew that I loved to write poems so he started to give me guitar lessons.

I made it through a lot of things thanks to him.

I'm sorry, It's hard for me to write this part of the story.

I still get emotional when I think about this.

On the 10TH of December 2013 (some days after his birthday) we received a phone call from his mother: She warned us that he didn't return home after the last working shift.

I wrote a message to him like 3 hours prior to that phone call.

Never had the opportunity to get a reply again.

This year is the seventh year that he is missing.

That destroyed me.

I felt empty.

I felt like nothing couldn't help me.

I still feel that everytime I care about someone in my life, it will disappear someday.

This have happened several other times.

You know when ignorants say that men don't cry, is real bullshit. Men cry. I cried a lot.

I wrote so many poems , lyrics, thoughts in that period of time, that I destroyed my hands.

That was the only way to close my eyes and let me reach another reality because the real one was way too much for me.

Be a sensible man in this world is somehow a curse.

All these things made me afraid  even to hug someone 'cause I feel I'm too ugly or just to scared to be refused.

I will stop here my story, but there's so much more to tell.

I make it through all of these things and memories because I keep dreaming that one day I could meet you and we could talk together.

Dreaming about the fact I could spend a day with you made me find the power to battle my depression.

I'm 25 now and this year I'm not dreaming anymore.

I was going to start again university, I wanted to get a degree in marketing and have the chance to live in the us.

For years I believed that I would make it and hopefully be part of your marketing team.

I'm so stupid. All these years I kept dreaming to avoid pain.

I wanted to pursue my passion and continue to write lyrics but all I was doing was putting myself in unrealistic realities.

This covid situation made everything clear.

When everyone had someone to facetime (or video call) I was alone.

When everyone had someone asking them "how are you?" I only had myself looking in the mirror saying: "Will I ever feel better?"

I've never been the one for anybody, and I think I'll never be.

I won't be the one among all your fans to realize his dream.

Nobody likes me, and I'm exposing myself once again just because I want the opportunity to smile at something that could happen to me.

I'm tired to smile only for others best moments.

I've always seen the sun through a window.

I want to feel happy.

I want to burn my face with the sun.

I'm so sick of hiding my pain,

sick to cry when I'm alone in my car before going to work,

sick to let my eyes rain on my pillow every night.

I'm sick to say to my mother that I'm fine, just because I don't want to make her feel bad.

It's not her fault.

She is battling with a degenerative autoimmune disease, why I should put other weight on her shoulders?

I didn't give up to my weakness before because I don't want to hurt her.

I always say to her that soon she will feel better, that's why your song It's stuck in my head.

But when she won't be here anymore, how I can go through all of that?

I don't even know if will ever get better for me.

Will this pain ever stop?

Sometimes it's so hard to live and so easy to die.

Hope that my dream to spend some time with you can become true.

Thank you for everything, you gave me the strength to go on for many years.. But this time is so hard to put on my armor and continue this battle.

But is this even worth if thy I try to surround myself with people and I always feel lonely?

D.

@taylorswift @taylornation @jackleopards-thedolphinclub

[brokemultidotexe]

As If It’s Your Last

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Summary: If only people knew that Jeon Jungkook wasn’t as sweet and innocent like he made people believe. You knew the devastation he could cause. The two of you grew up together and you couldn’t find one without the other close by. Well, until Jungkook left for Seoul one day without saying goodbye. It’s been five years since he left and you’ve had no desire to see or speak to him ever again. But now he’s back in town and you’re being dragged to dinner at his parents house for dinner. The only thing you want to happen is for him to stay away while you act like he doesn’t exist, but Jungkook came back with one goal...for you to let him explain.

Word Count: 3.6k

Warning: None

Genre: Angst

“I’m sorry, what?” You needed it to be repeated because you were sure you heard her wrong.

“Jungkook is coming to visit his parents so we’re all going to get together in an hour or so that way everyone can catch up with each other. I figured you would be excited.” Your mom was busy chopping vegetables for dinner to see the look on your face of severe disapproval. It’s not that you hated Jungkook, because truthfully you could never hate him. But you hadn’t talked to him in years since he moved to Seoul and left you behind.

The pain of him leaving was gone, but the memory wasn’t. The both of you had been inseparable growing up. He was your best friend and the two of you were incredibly close, so when you found out he had auditioned and ended up getting a lot of offers from agencies in Seoul. You had been hurt that he didn’t tell you, but the deepest cut he made was when he left and didn’t tell you bye.

“Yeah. I’m thrilled.” you said sarcastically in response to your mother. You didn’t wait to hear if she had anything to say in response because you were already headed up to your room. You had kept up with Jungkook and his success but it wasn’t that you were actively trying to. His group was everywhere and had become so successful that they were winning awards in America and breaking records. You were happy for him but at the same time every time you saw him in ads or on billboards it stung that he so easily left you behind to go be an idol.

You spent the next few hours idly scrolling through tumblr and of course someone would decide to post a bunch of pictures of Jungkook. You sighed and started scrolling past but there were a few pictures that caught your eye. He definitely wasn’t a little kid anymore and he’d grown up to be incredibly attractive, it seemed puberty did well for him. You weren’t as lucky, you’d grown to be short like your mother. Because of all the dancing you did it didn’t make you super skinny like a lot of the girls your age. Yeah you definitely grew to have all the curves that girls wanted, but you were so shy and reserved you never showed it off. It was embarrassing when guys stare at you, so you had kept to loose fitting clothes.

“Y/N! Come down here, it’s time to leave!” Your mother’s voice cut through your thoughts and made you jump. You sighed and grabbed your hoodie at the end of your bed. If you were forced to go you were at least going to be comfortable. You knew your mother would protest, but you weren’t trying to impress anyone. Your family had known the Jeon’s for years and you still saw them occasionally, not near as much as you used to.

The ride to their house was silent while your mom forced you to hold onto the dish that she had agreed to bring. Your stomach growled at the delicious smell, you were ready to get there just so you could eat. The banana you grabbed before dance practice didn’t do enough to last you until dinner so you were ready to tear into a plate of food without any reservations.

When your mom pulled up to the front of their house you peered out your window. You hadn’t actually been to their house in years and it felt weird being back, it felt foreign. You swallowed a sigh not wanting your mom asking any questions. Your goal was to get through the dinner with your head down and leave as soon as you could without seeming too rude. You followed your mom up the driveway and waited as she rang the doorbell. Your heart was hammering in your chest and all you wanted to do was shove the dish at your mom and run away, but before you even got the chance to try the front door opened.

You heard his voice before you actually saw him since you were standing behind your mother. “Oh Jungkook! You’ve gotten so tall!” His laugh made you clench your jaw. You didn’t know why it annoyed you but here you were annoyed at the fact he laughed at something your mom said. Tonight was going to be a really long night. He stepped back so your mom could walk through and she went inside and left you in an awkward position where it was just you and Jungkook standing at the door.

You don’t think you’ve ever been in a more awkward situation. The both of you stood  there looking uncomfortable and awkward. Neither of you saying anything to the other. You truly met his eyes for the first time since you saw him and you felt your stomach twist. His eyes still looked the same, still a window to his emotions. You  could still see parts of the boy who had been your best friend lingering among the rest of this new Jungkook that seemed like a stranger.

“It’s good to see you Y/N.” His voice was soft and hesitant, which meant he knew what he did to you and how it affected you.

You pulled your eyes away and walked into his house not even saying a word to him. You weren’t sure what you’d say anyways, and if you did actually try it would probably end up with you cussing him out and the two of you knew that. Your body went into autopilot and you went straight for their kitchen and set the dish on the counter only to come face to face with Ms. Jeon.

“Y/N! I haven’t seen you since you graduated high school. Your mom told me you finished your degree and were one of the top ten students in your major. That’s amazing.” She hugged you tightly and you hugged her back. You rarely saw the Jeon’s now since you didn’t have a reason to ever see them, but they were still nice enough to go to your high school graduation which meant a lot. You’d only just finished settling down at your moms before you started your job search.

“Thanks Ms. Jeon.” you gave her a genuine smile. “Hopefully I'll be able to find a job soon and can start looking at getting an apartment.”

“Well don’t rush it, it's hard not having your babies at home even though they’re old enough to take care of themselves.” She took the dish you had brought it, “I’ve got this, why don’t you two go hang out while we finish this up.”

You turned to see Jungkook leaning on the door frame his eyes watching you and his mother. “Umm...sure.” All the parents knew what happened and the fact they were trying to push you guys to talk, without actually saying it, was only making things even more awkward. Why wouldn’t they let the both of you do the normal thing and just act like the other one doesn’t exist unless they absolutely have to. The both of you awkwardly walked towards the back yard, you were hoping you could just sit at their patio table and make it look like you were attempting to talk.

The silence was absolutely deafening and the avoiding eye contact was making the situation even more awkward. “So mom says your graduated the top of your class. You always were super smart.”

You sighed, “Don’t.”

“Don’t what?” he looked confused.

“Don’t try small talk, we both know you don’t care.” even you had to admit to yourself that you sounded completely bratty.

“I do care.” he sounded offended at your comment.

“Really now? You care about what my placement was when I graduated?”

“I care about YOU, so yes.” he put his elbows on the patio table and leaned into it from his chair.

You scoffed, “Yeah, you’ve made that apparent.”

“Y/N can I please explain why--”

“No. I don’t want to hear your bullshit explanation. We grew up together and spent almost every day together and I wake up one day and your gone without saying goodbye.” You refused to look him in the eyes and found the hole in your jeans to be very captivating.

He sighed and leaned back in his chair and tilted his head back to look up at the sky. The sky was clear and you could see the stars littering the sky. It had turned into a habit that every time you went outside at night that you look up at the sky to see the stars, even if it was just walking to your car. You had spent many nights with Jungkook talking about the future and what you wanted to do when you got older while you looked at the stars. You couldn’t help but look  at him as he did it.

You didn’t like the way your chest ached now that he was around. All the pain you had stuffed down over the years was creeping up with him around you. Deep down part of you felt comfort from having him beside you again but the pain and resentment outweighed that. Part of you thought about telling everyone you felt sick and go home, the issue was that your mother drove and you would have to walk the five miles back to your house.

“I knew if I said bye to you that I wouldn’t be able to leave, even if it was a dream of mine. I thought that if you hated me that it would make it easier for both of us.” he said quietly, almost as if he was talking to himself. He didn’t care if you wanted to hear him out or not, he was going to tell you anyways.

“That is the most fucked up logic I've ever heard.” you scoffed.

“I know that. It wasn’t exactly my shining moment Y/N and I've regretted it ever since.” he sat up straighter and brought his head back up so he could look at you, “I wanted to call you that same night and apologize, but they took our cellphones as soon as we got to the dorms.”

For the first time that night the both of you made full on eye contact and it felt like someone was squeezing your heart. You hadn’t realized that you had buried so much pain over him leaving, you hadn’t realized that it affected you so much, but most of all you hadn’t realized just how much you needed him. None of that mattered though, because he made the decision to leave and he knew he hurt you. He deliberately hurt you in hopes it would be easier for you. You had always questioned his logic growing up because half of it never made sense. So you just stared at him in response, because you had nothing to say to that.

He continued despite your silence, “Once I was placed in a group under my company we were able to get our cellphones back, but by that time I figured you wouldn’t want to talk to me and that it was probably best if I just let you be. I thought that would be what you wanted and what would make it easier, instead of me risking opening old wounds. Believe me there were so many times I almost called. Every time things got hard you were the one person I wanted to call. Y/N I wish I could go back and do it differently, but I can’t.”

“Looking back at it, I was so pathetic over you leaving me. I waited for months for you to call, to get an explanation as to why. I wondered if you had been mad at me because I tried to talk you out of wanting to be an idol. I blamed myself for over a year. I eventually gave up and moved on and made you part of my past that I wouldn’t revist.” You leaned back in your seat to get move comfortable, “I didn’t think I'd ever see you again, but damn was I wrong. I had to listen to people talk about you with such infatuation and how amazing you were after your debut. I didn’t even know you’d actually debuted until people wouldn’t shut up about your group.”

“I came to visit two years ago hoping that I could talk to you, but you were off at uni.” He leaned forward and rested his elbows on the table again, “I know the way I handled the situation was shitty and I just wanted to be able to explain, like I am now. I just want the chance to explain and to just talk to you. If you never want to talk to me again after this then I promise I won’t ever bother you again.” he looked so broken.

“You wanna talk? Fine. How about four years after you left my dad was killed by a drunk driver and you were nowhere to be found” You blinked away the tears that were quickly forming, “or do you want to talk about the abusive ex? No? What about the panic attacks every time I got in a car for six months after my dad died?” You fought back the urge to cry. “You were off living your wonderful idol life while I stayed here in Busan dealing with one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with.”

He looked to be in physical pain, “My mom called me and told me what happened believe me when I say I wanted to come back and be here for you, but I was in a different country in the middle of a tour. I couldn’t just up and leave. I tried calling you but the number I had for you wasn’t in service anymore. I figured that you’d changed it for a reason and didn’t want to talk to me. I just had to hope that your best friend at the time was there for you.”

You laughed sarcastically at the comment, “There was never anyone that filled the gaping hole you left, so no...I solo’d the grief period and tried to be there for my mom. Also, the reason I had to change my number was because my abusive ex wouldn’t stop harassing me”

He leaned back and ran his hand down his face “I spent years hoping that at some point I'd be able to come back here and get to see you. That I would explain everything and you’d be mad at me for a bit, but after I got done explaining you wouldn’t hate me anymore.” He ran his fingers through his hair and let out a breath, “But I'm living the moment I'd always hoped for and I'm listening to all the things I left you to deal with and it completely makes sense as to why you hate me. Hell, I hate me. I don’t expect the forgiveness that I was hoping for because I don’t deserve it and I could try making it up to you for the rest of my life but I would never be able to heal the wounds I left.”

“Well at least you got to live your dream right?” you said harshly.

He stood up from the table and looked down at you “I would give everything up to take your pain away Y/N. Money and fame don’t mean shit to me.” he started to pace, “If I had the chance to do it over I would have never left.”

You opened your mouth to say something but he cut you off before you could. He groaned, “God, things would have been so different. You would have been with me instead of that douche of an ex and I would have been here for you with everything that happened with your dad. I’d give up every damn thing I have to live that life with you Y/N”

Your mind was still frozen on the comment of the two of you being together. You acknowledged everything else he said but that comment caught you off guard, “You think we would have been together?” you asked not believing a word of it.

He looked at you with furrowed eyebrows, “Jesus Y/N I've been in love with you since we were twelve and the kid down the street dared us to kiss. Leaving you was the hardest thing I've ever done. Nothing else I've endured has come close to that.” He put his hands on the back of his chair as he stood there. “I ran like a stupid fifteen year old who was terrified to confess and figured running away from the issue would fix the problem. I’ve literally stayed clear of any other girl because all I've wanted was you.”

You put your hand up causing him to not continue, “Stop.” you whispered and stood up because you didn’t trust your voice to stay even. “You don’t get to come back and say those things JK you don’t get to do that.” you were getting mad. The anger was rising as the heartbreak started to pool over and bleed into your emotions.

Jungkook walked around the table towards you and stood in front of you. When you went to take a step back to keep distance between you he grabbed your hands to keep you from going any further. “If you wanna yell and cuss at me, go head. If you want to slap me or punch me, go head. I deserve it.” he pulled you closer, “Do whatever you need to but please don’t leave, please don’t run from me.” he pleaded.

You put your hands to chest and pushed him as hard as you could causing him to stumble back a few steps, “You don’t get to come back years later and say shit like that! Why would you choose to say this shit now!?”

“Because if I don’t do it now I won’t ever get to. You don’t think I realize that I may never see you again after this? I’m very aware that I could lose you again and I will regret it every day if I don’t say it. It’s shitty circumstances and probably the worst time to bring it up but I see it in your eyes that I'm about to lose you forever and I need you to know that it was never your fault on why I left. You mean so much to me and I know I did a shitty job of showing it, but I was fifteen and stupid. I was fifteen and in love with my best friend and having to only be your best friend was killing me, so when Big Hit reached out to me I took the chance. I didn’t say bye because I knew if I saw you, if I looked into your eyes I would never go. My dream was to dance and do music and I didn’t think I would ever get to do it, because I knew I wouldn’t be able to leave you.”

“Jungkook I--”

He cut you off again, “You’ve been the most important thing to me since I was nine Y/N. I’ve been in love with you since I was thirteen. I’ve regretted not saying bye to you since I was fifteen. It didn’t take long to come to the realization that I had to fix things, that I needed you in my life. I needed you to at least hear me out and tell you how sorry I was. I am so sorry I left without saying goodbye, I’m so sorry that I hurt you, and I’m so fucking sorry I wasn’t there for you when you needed me.”

You were angry that he was saying all these things. You wanted to stay mad at him because being mad was easier than being hurt. You don’t know where it came from but you pushed him away again and hit his chest over and over before collapsing against him while you sobbed. He put his arms around you and held you tight and kept whispering how sorry he was in your ear. You had always found comfort in his arms and even though he was the reason for your pain you still found comfort in him like before.

You weren’t sure how long the both of you stayed like that as he continued to hold you and whisper things in your ear. He would occasionally put his lips to your forehead and continue to repeat how sorry he was. He pulled back just a little so you would look at him, “I know I don't deserve your forgiveness and I don’t expect it, but please let me fix it. I will spend the rest of my life fixing what I broke, and I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you. Please don’t walk away from me. I finally have you in my arms and I'm not sure I'll be able to let you go.”

“I don’t forgive you.” your voice was thick with emotion.

“I don’t expect you to, but give me the chance to try.” he quickly pleaded.

After taking a moment to make sure you meant what you were about to say, you were able to give him his answer, “Okay.”

“Okay?” He seemed shocked.

You nodded, “Okay.” He pulled you into a tight hug and you didn’t want him to ever let go, because you’d needed him for all these years and here he was in front of you wanting to make things right.

AN: I enjoyed writing this. It originally started out as inspiration from SVT’s “Thanks” but it took a different direction, but I think it came out okay. Since the interest in Unexpected has died down a bit I think i’m going to slow down posting chapters and start working on a few oneshots here and there. I’ve also started an imagine blog, if you want to check it out you can go here but for now this is what I present you. Hope you like it!

[yukipri]

I never experienced art theft until one of my works became unexpectedly popular- since then, I've found my work reposted, redrawn, and used as reference for cosplays. It's been exhausting, both seeing it, and not knowing WHERE I should stand on the issue. I've let redraws slide (with credit), but I plan on not allowing future ones from occurring. How do you deal with art theft? How do you continue drawing without thinking about the disrespect thrown at you during bad/failed confrontations?

I am so, so incredibly sorry this happened to you, and empathize very strongly with you. Art theft SUCKS, few things can be quite as demotivating as a creator than having something you’ve worked your ass off on swiped by someone else. And unfortunately, given the current internet culture, if you continue as an online artist it’s inevitable that it’ll happen at one point or another.

Because sure, of course part of the reason why we create is because we want to, but a large part of the motivation for sharing it is to hopefully get some response that people like it, whether it be in the form of likes, reblogs, comments, asks, tags, or anything else. That is the tangible PROOF that our work touched someone, and for someone who put in zero effort and has no idea how we felt while creating to receive all of that instead of us…sucks.

I think where you stand on the issue is up to you, and it’s okay for it to change. YOU always have the right to decide how you’re comfortable with people sharing your art, and your feelings are valid regardless of how they change.

Ironically enough, I just had another art theft on Instagram (my Anniversary post) super recently, so I was like HAH when I got this orz

This rant got a bit long, so the rest beneath cut but here’s a rundown about how my feelings towards art theft have evolved over the years.

For example, over the years I’ve gotten much, MUCH stricter. My earliest online art, I just put it up, no url, oftentimes no signature, no warnings in the comments or my blog bio. Admittedly I was starting out and didn’t have much viewers anyway, but the point was I still had Trust at the time.

Then the art thefts began. I started adding my url to all my illustrations, even if it was just small in the corner, as this’d let people at least find my website. Most people are too lazy to type out a url though, and I’ve seen people asking “Who drew this??” on art theft comments EVEN WHEN THE URL IS LITERALLY RIGHT THERE…

And then people started cropping my watermarks. I made my url bigger, and started adding an additional “DO NOT REPOST” to the image itself. I used to allow reposts with credits on platforms I’m not on, like fb, until I realized that people were then reposting from THOSE communities without credit and putting them into their videos and fics and I just…decided it wasn’t worth it.

I switched to no reposts PERIOD. I have lengthy disclaimers on all of my art that leads to an even lengthier FAQ post that, should people wish to look, leads to even an even more detailed post about WHY art theft sucks, as I’m explaining now.

(EDIT: ALSO, reduce the quality of the images you upload, and NEVER upload the full resolution, and try to keep you unmerged original files. This is for several reasons: no matter how much an art thief reposts your work, they’ll never have access to the higher resolution, and if they ever decide to try to print to sell for profit it’ll be shitty quality compared to anything you make with the original. ALSO, you having the maximum resolution with no watermarking with additional unmerged psd files will be proof that you are the true creator should you need to prove it, which I’ve heard is sometimes necessary to show when your art is stolen at say, an artist alley)

I also used to bother trying to talk to art reposters. I’d comment on the post, try to send messages, etc. It’s fucking exhausting, and while there are some exceptions, the VAST majority of art thiefs will feel attacked and immediately get rude and defensive. (the failed confrontations and disrespect you mentioned orz) If it’s a large community, they may even try to gang up on you. I’ve unfortunately experienced this most frequently in communities centered around other languages (mainly Spanish) because of different mainstream attitudes towards art reposting etiquette combined with a language barrier.

You will, and no doubt already have, encountered people who will argue with you, like the people I describe above. “You should be grateful for the bigger audience!” “We just want to appreciate your art, how can you be so horrible?” “We’re all fans together!” “This is fanart and doesn’t belong to you anyway!” Etc. etc. etc. It’s exhausting, it’s repetitive, it’s neverending, and you already felt awful before it even began and the stress just continues to build.

So I personally have just begun reporting people, if the service allows it. Use DMCA takedown request forms (and YES, even if it’s fanart it’s still yours if you drew it). This is stressful too because it sends your real name + info to the reposter (and wow I clearly can’t trust these people to begin with, why would I want them to have that???) but most sites (facebook, instagram, certainly tumblr, twitter) are very efficient and responsive, and in the end the relief of receiving that email that the art has been taken down is worth it. Especially with facebook, they also send a scary official warning email to the reposters which I sincerely hope will help educate them and discourage future art thefts.

I try to avoid posting public urls because yes I’m aware how mob mentality Tumblr can get, but sometimes it’s just too much. There’s no convenient form of getting my content removed (perhaps bc it’s in a compilation with a ton of other content), or for some reason my attempts to communicate have failed. In those times I have occasionally asked my followers to help, with a reminder to PLEASE always be polite and respectful, regardless of the offense. Y’all have been amazing, and this has saved me many nights of crying in the past.

I will sometimes also write lengthy posts (like this one!) to help educate. Because I do feel that art theft will continue so long as people don’t understand what it does to artists, and it’s up to the community as a whole to make that change, which also depends heavily on the consumers not just creators. A lot of art theft really isn’t intentionally meant to harm, but IS super ignorant.

But in the end, all I’ve ranted about so far is how I’ve dealt with actually removing/dealing with the shit. But the emotional pain, it builds. Sometimes, when it’s too frequent and the stolen art gets way more attention than my original that I worked my ass off on that basically flunked on my own platforms, I feel a bit of me break.

And in the end, it’s up to you what that threshold is, where posting art and feeling good about it is overwhelmed by the pain, fear, and anxiety of art theft. I’ve crossed my own threshold too many times, and once had to take an art hiatus because of it (fandom was BH6). This lead to a break in my productivity and motivation and my eventual complete departure form the fandom. I’ve seen many other artists just stop posting art entirely or moving everything to private. It’s terrible, but my feelings are with these artists, and I feel so, so sorry that they were hurt so much to the extent they had to do this.

With my current fandom and followers, I feel that regardless of how niche an audience my content tends to be geared for, I have a community that is really satisfying for me to create for, one that is responsive to me and gives me tons of feedback. This is the number one reason why i continue to feel motivated to post a ton of online content despite the risks.

The takeaway form this long meandering post: Posting online is a hobby, it’s for fun, and I don’t make any money off my public audience (unless they come to Patreon! LOL!), so I’m a firm believer that once the anxiety + misery starts outweighing anything positive you personally may get from sharing online, which for me heavily depends on my audience and their responsiveness, there’s no reason to subject yourself to that anymore and you are in no way obligated to stay. There are various methods to more efficiently get rid of art thefts without dealing with them in person which is stressful AF, and also ways of marking up your content in ways that may look less aesthetically pleasing, but will hopefully discourage art thefts, and at the very least give them very little leg to stand on should they do it anyway. How forgiving you are in art thefts also depends on you, but the more forgiving you are, the more it can get away from you. And in the end, YOU as a human are more important than any complaints about art looking less pleasing or the feelings of art thefts who don’t get to do what they want with YOUR hard work.

Sorry this was so disjointed and literally just me spewing at you, but I hope some of it was helpful ^ ^; Please let me know if I can give you any other advice, and I’m sorry again that you have to deal with this ;_;

(and to respond to your second ask, I do try to respond to most of my asks, but sometimes it takes a while (sometimes even months orz), especially if it’s one that requires a lengthy detailed answer like this one ^ ^; thank you for your patience!)

[fluffi]

i think it was because god's menu was released around the same bp and svt made their comebacks. same thoughts tho on gm > bd and i was also glad that bd got the wins gm didn't. and same with the streaming mvs while studying : ] ahh, the easily distracted people we are. (reading cut and litol font bc poor ppl who see this on the dash TT)

i've heard chinese ballads (usually osts of films and from a chinese friend) and their songs really tend to tug on my heartstrings. i hope sm gives shotaro more stuff to do soon :[ with some of the units being active and sungchan being an mc on a weekly show, it makes me wonder what he's doing. do you think nct will form a new subunit?

no, i'm not lactose intolerant so it really took me by surprise. it was a one-time thing. hopefully it doesn't happen again. i can't really say i'm a big fan of ice cream but it's good occasionally yk as a treat to yourself. and ahhh, i miss drinking smoothies. my favorite stall has been closed for nearly two years now, idk if they ever re-opened since our city mall burned down :[

i think it's an nct thing? it's why i never get tired of them bc they're always active in a way. you should've seen how things went down last year! march 127 album, april dream mini-album, may 127 repackage, june wayv album and the whole nct 2020 thing. it was a wild year. about the track, i listened to it once and forgot about it. might give it a few more listens but it might not grow on me at all. yes! wasn't a big fan of hot sauce at first too bc i thought the intro was weird (not jaemin's part, like the first thing that plays). and yes, that hook loops in my head 24/7. i even made it my instagram bio.

stray kids world domination indeed! and i agree that their performances were really impressive (specially the deadpool one, best one yet) but sometimes i would fancy ateez' more. i didn't watch kingdom too bc it stressed me out as a multi. always caught between being happy for one group and being sad for the others. and atz and tbz! you're still getting into nct and you're thinking of adding 19 more boys! judging from what i know your taste in music is, i think you'll like tbz's music better since there are a lot more soft songs there than in atz. but do give both discographies a listen in the future!

oh izone! i've only heard of them at music shows and dance choreo compilations bc of them being in sync. they're really satisfying to watch! i thought their title tracks were catchy as well! quite unfortunate that i never got into them really. but again, i dont think i can handle stanning temporary groups.

i'm starting to see a pattern in your biases :D i wouldn't be too surprised if you'll be drawn to jeno at some point in your dream venture. dream is soooo easy to love so if you really end up ulting them, i would understand why. and also, YES PLEASE WRITE FOR DREAM AND TAG ME IF YOU WILL. THANK YOU ><

thank you! :c don't get your hopes up tho, the masterlist must've been interesting to browse but are the fics truly worth it? XD i think not. since you already know koe, i'm reccing users @/rouiyan, @/nsheetee and @/loonacitys. i don't have that much fluff in my ficrecs blog. i think, i've heard of lvdsc before (maybe even read a fic or two) but i can't find their blog now. be careful in privating your works, you might end up losing them forever if you don't keep track of their links...(?) that's what happened to the works that i privated :/ take me with you if you move blogs ;n;

seungmin frequently left updates abt what he was doing, left good nights and good mornings, the occasional i miss you. he called fans 'baby' once. not sure if it was a mistranslation, or really just a one-time endearment. other than that, nothing beyond the usual. seung vlives always make me cry ;n; he always look so adorable and precious. also the gif, the fic was more on fake head-butting really but yes you could say it was also a fake nose boop bc it sounds cuter. i'll make sure to tag you on future seung content on the dash. (time to officially claim him as your ult, yes. dont make him secret anymore :3)

sorry it took me a while. tumblr went batshit. the ' werkl;' stopped working midway and i got busy with school yesterday. also haechan birth today and i'm so emo abt it. it's literally just a boy turning 21.

little font and cut saga lets go!!

(just kidding, i cant do little font typing for long periods of time, makes my eyes go beserk haha.)

true true, im afraid for txt on music shows now because theyre going against some big names (literally bts like whatj jsdf what was hybe thinking). yeah, streaming mvs while studying aka watching mvs on loop lmao. i still want to stream skzs final kingdom performance on instinct but i remember that theyve already won!! hehe

ah chinese ballads always make me emo, i like to scream out lyrics to the songs at the top of my lungs and sit there on the verge of tears. its a cultural thing maybe *sobs*. ooh, what show is sungchan mc-ing in? ill check it out. i thought sm would make nct japan for sungtaro (i heard sungchan speaks japanese) so it was a shocker when they made...nct hollywood lmao. given the current circumstances we're probably not going to get a new subunit anytime soon :( hopefully taro will have stuff to showcase during that period of time.

burned down?? oh my, what happened to your mall? that sounds terrifying. i remember when the front of my school caught on fire and we were all ushered out but we thought it was a drill and didnt find out till years later lmao.

oh true, since theyre such a big pack too. constant comebacks and promotions haha, nctzens never catch a break with 23 members. i listened to the new track again (ive forgotten the name already) but i cant- i cant do it. its just not my style hhh. i rewatched the mv for the godly visuals though. i dont know if youre talking about that 'bibididibibidiododo' part by that female morphed voice at the beginning of the song, because i wasnt a fan of that too. it grew on me though.

same, actually! im not an atiny and dont stan any other group in the show besides skz but i watched each groups performance and ranked them haha. at times ateez would rank over skz, it was wild. also yeah, my other multi friend was freaking out about kingdom and ended up abandoning the show because she was so scared of the fanwars and having to deal with her 'conflicting feelings'. about the stanning thing, in my defense, i have a list of groups i want to stan and ive recently added tbz and atz. the list is long, i have a long way to go! also yeah, i dont prefer ateez's songs and i have a bunch of tbz title tracks in my playlist but if i approach their discography like i did with nct then i think i would like at least five songs.

izone are my queens. theres a reason why theyre the only girl group who made it to my ult list haha! super talented and filled with variety and visuals, a perfectly concocted group (literally, sobs in pd48 scandal). ah, temporary groups. yeah i cried about their disbandment for like 3 days straight, it was bad.

a pATTERN?? INTERESTING. DO ELABORATE. jeno, oh my gosh hes like bang chan. an intimidating-looking bear whos actually filled with love and softness on the inside. im currently having a jaemin run though, his make a wish fancam is doing some wacky things. also yeah, dream is really easy to love. i fell for them so hard, theyre all talented and cute and adorable and the team ambiance is so nice. really rising up my stan list now. i mightt write for dream! ill have to see, hehe.

personally i think the fics are going to be worth it. i can feel it in my boOOnes. ooh, recommendations! fun :D ill check them (and yours) out after i finish this 30k jisung fic. ive been trying to finish it since yesterday but i keep getting sidetracked. also, i made a mistake. its luvdsc with a 'u', maybe thats why you couldnt find it? ahh. thank you for the privating tip though! will keep in mind. and of course ill take you with me if/when i move blogs. we're friends now! <3

SEUNGMIN CALLED STAYS 'BABY'???!!@)(@#*()! I SHOULDVE BEEN THERE ASKDFJDF. im exciting for the fake nose boop drabble!! i love soft couple moments hehe. also yeah maybe its time to make him my ult...hes going to have to compete against jake my beloved ope.

dont worry about being 'late' or anything! we all have our own stuff to do. also yeah tumblr is weird asf sometimes. if you havent realized i typically answer longer asks around the same time everyday, when i get to sit in front of my computer and pull out my clickity-clackity keyboard. super relaxing.

AND YES HYUCKIE DAY!!! HES SO ADORABLE HONESTLY. im in love with all seven members of dream, my fic rec blog is currently filled with fics for them haha.