#like a mini sneak peek into what my brains been up to lately

[jamiesfootball]

Tagged here by @antitheticallyargumentative and @flyingcoffeemugs2 at my main blog so I’m just gonna answer all at once

1. Immigrants (We Get the Job Done) - Riz Ahmed, Residente, Snow Tha Product, K'naan

2. Girls Against God - Florence + the Machine

3. Hold Me Like a Grudge - Fall Out Boy

4. Heaven Sent Is a Coffee Cup - Bears in Trees

5. X Gon’ Give It To Ya - DMX

6. Drops of Jupiter - Train

7. Henrietta - The Fratellis

8. Thought Contagion - Muse

9. I Don’t Like Who I Was Then - The Wonder Years

10. The Distance - CAKE

EDIT: FOR THE SHUFFLE GAME. THE PUT YOUR REPEAT PLAYLIST ON SHUFFLE AND LIST THE FIRST 10 SONGS GAME. GODDAMNIT

FURTHER EDIT: I AM TAGGING EVERYONE IF YOU ARE READING THIS- BOOM. TAGGED.

[quinncupine]

Yo imagine being in the general class of UA and being recovery girl’s little apprentice/intern and one of the 1A boys constantly getting hurt (whether its on purpose or accidentally ) as an excuse to come visit; I’m imagining todoroki or kaminari because I’m in a mood for those 2 and Deku wouldn’t need to an excuse 🙄

Ha, of course Deku wouldn't need an excuse!🙄 That's his second home at this point. I’ve never written for Kaminari before so this was a fun little experience! Sorry I’m answering this so late, I took a little writing break last week, but now I’m back on the grind! (Also I tried to keep this gender neutral as well!)

Word count: ~2.8K

Wanna request something?

Quinns Masterlist!

Midoriya, Kaminari, and Todoroki with Intern!Reader

Midoriya

"Midoriya, Midoriya, Midoriya," a soft voice sighed in mock exasperation. "How did I know I would find you here yet again."

Izuku flinched and looked up from his spot on the bed to see you casually leaning against the doorframe. That signature white lab coat draped over your form suited you perfectly. You looked like a real doctor standing there with the little clipboard tucked neatly into your waist and that warm smile radiating off you. To say that your smile had an effect on him was an understatement.

"Uh," he chuckled with a nervous smile, "sorry, I know I was just here yesterday."

"Yesterday? Midoriya, you've been here every day this week." Hopping off the door frame, you crossed your arms. "Do you wanna see me that bad?"

It was only a joke, but his face flushed a bright crimson at your words. Suddenly, every spot other than you seemed much more interesting to stare at, so he didn't catch that smirk lighting up your face as you stepped into the room.

A quick flip through the probably too many pages in his chart that he'd racked up this year alone, "So, what's it this time?"

"Just a sprained wrist," he held up said wrist. "I thought it was fine, but then it started to swell so I, uh, thought I should come here…just in case."

"And how did it happen?" you set the chart down and pulled the little wheeled stool to sit in front of him. With gentle fingers, you prodded the bruised skin.

At your touch, he stiffened. You were so close, eyes solely focused on his wrist. While you were examining him, he took the opportunity to stare at you with those giant green eyes of his, cataloging every inch of your face. When you began your internship with Recovery Girl, he was shocked the first time he walked in here to see you instead of the older woman. Not that he was complaining. You were way more amiable with him and although you didn't appreciate him injuring himself so much, he'd come to quite like these little meetings with just the two of you.

"Lucky for you, it's not too bad," you decided, looking up to meet his deer-eyed gaze. One which he promptly looked away from. "Ice it for twenty minutes a few times today and the swelling should go down. I'll get you a compression bandage." When you stood up to root through the doors for the bandage, you glanced back at him. "What'd you do, punch a brick wall?"

"Concrete actually," he stuttered out. "I missed my opponent, couldn't stop my follow-through in time."

The power he held always amazed you, but you were always the one to see the after-effects during training. He was strong to a point of recklessness. Something he really needed to work on. Finally finding the bandages, you walked back to your stool.

"Well, I hope you kicked that wall's ass then." Grabbing his hand, you locked eyes with him, "just don't overdo it too much. You only have two hands so try and keep them for at least a few more years yeah?"

Izuku was only half-listening, too entranced by your touch to keep up with the conversation. As you carefully wrapped his wrist, he sat back, taking the time to take in your image. This was really the only time he ever got to see you. The support department was on the opposite side of campus and those classes rarely ever teamed up. Besides, you were part of the relief support courses, not tactical, which meant the two of you would never train together while here. And while you were great at this part, patching him up right quick, and sending him on his way, he couldn't help but wish you were slower. All he wanted was to just sit here forever with you, injuries be damned.

"Right then, here we are," Straightening up, you finished wrapping the limb, and with a double check to make sure everything was in order, you smiled up at him. "You know, I should start charging each time you come in here. I bet you'd be able to cover this entire department's budget in a week.

"Oh, you think so?" the way he cocked his head, that cute little innocent widening of his eyes seemed to inject serotonin straight into your veins. The boy was just too adorable for his own good and he didn't even know it. "Sorry, I don't mean to be a bother."

"A bother? You?" An airy laugh blew past your lips. "My day would be so boring if I didn't have my favorite patient to keep me company." He tried his best to hide that all too obvious blush creeping up his neck. "Although, I could do without all the injuries you seem to be racking up."

Izuku turned his focus to the newly wrapped wrist, biting on his lower lip. He couldn't even bring himself to look at you or he might combust on the spot. When you left his side to go wash your hands, he finally sneaked a peek. Now that you were done, he was going to have to leave. He didn't want to leave. He liked being here with you. For whatever reason, anytime you were near him, his heart raced and he felt lightheaded, but also a million times better, even with whatever injuries he was sporting. If he didn't already know your quirk, he would've thought you had the ability to heal with just a simple smile. You were an adrenaline boost he always looked forward to.

"You're not always here, right?" the words left his mouth before he even realized he said them aloud. "I, uh, I mean, you do other things outside the recovery ward?"

"Sure," you shrugged, drying your hands. "You're not always training, right?" With a pause you shook your head, "wait, don't answer that. I think I already know that answer." Casting a smirk at him, he looked down at his shoes, a smile of his own taking root. "I'll have you know I do do other things besides patching up one Mr. Broken Bones Midoriya."

"Oh yeah, of course, you do!" he tripped over the words as they spilled from his mouth. "I just mean that your really cool and stuff but I never really see you other than here and I know the campus is big, but I just thought that maybe you, or I, or, or…uh…" he was running out of gas and confidence so he decided to abandon ship and jump to his feet, intent on escaping this sinking boat. "Um, anyway, thanks for the uh-thanks for this!" Waving his wrist, he made for the exit but before he could make his hasty getaway, you stepped in front of him.

"Geez Midoriya, calm down," it was like trying to corral a frantic bunny. The boy's eyes were darting all over the place, probably looking for a different escape route. "Tell ya what, when that wrist heals up and if you don't get any more injuries before the weekend, let's see if we can change not seeing each other around."

Izuku froze, the words processing in his mind a few times before they finally clicked. "You mean like a-a…"

"Just try not to get hurt for at least a few days? You placed a hand on his shoulder and lead him towards the door. "Think you can manage that?"

He'd never been so motivated to stay this healthy before. A furious nod and you sent him off with a wink. When the door closed, he slumped against the wall outside, bandaged wrist against his chest, trying to stop the mini horse race trampling through his chest. What he didn't know was that you were on the opposite side of that door, one hand to your own chest, the other trying to combat the heat on your cheeks. You'd been working up the courage to do that all week because god knows when Midoriya would ever find the courage to do it. An all too excited squeal rushed out of your mouth before you could stop it. This was going to be an interesting week.

 KAMINARI

You could hear the babbling from down the hall before you saw him. That stupid deep-fried laugh was synonymous with one person and one person only. Dropping the pen and whirling around in your chair, you leaned your elbow on the armrest as two of the school's med bots ushered Denki in. Thumbs up and that dopey smile plastered on his face had you trying your best to contain the giggle building in your throat.

"Well, look what the cat dragged in," you smirked at the blonde who'd been sat on one of the beds. "Go over your limit again Kaminari?"

"Yay…" he mumbled and fell back on the bed with a groan.

It wasn't the first time he'd come in with a fried brain and if there was one thing you knew about him, it wouldn't be the last. The good thing is he usually just needed to sleep it off for a bit. But being the ever diligent medical intern, you came over to check him over.

Denki laid sprawled out on the bed, hands finally giving out and falling to his side. After a quick examination, he appeared to be in working order, just needed a bit of a recharge, so you returned to your paperwork and let him be.

A half-hour later, he sat up with a loud groan, rubbing his head, "Uh, that majorly sucked."

"Ah, so sleeping beauty finally rises," you didn't even turn to him but still felt that charming smile bounce off your back.

"You really think I'm a beauty?" he grinned, standing up to stretch. "You know I'm still pretty sore, I could always get back in bed and we can see if a kiss will make me feel better."

"Tell me," a playful tug on your lips as you twirled in your chair to face him, "do any of those lines ever work?"

"That's for you to answer and for me to find out."

"Sorry to disappoint bud, but I don't think you're gonna like my answer." Satisfied with his little pout, you turned back to continue your work. "You're fine Kaminari, you can go back to class now."

"Aww, but being here with you is so much better," he trudged over to your desk and leaned on the back of the chair. "Can't you write me a doctor's note so I can stay here with your beautiful face for the rest of the day?"

"And what would you even want to do here with me for the rest of the day, hmm?" you hadn't meant it to sound like an innuendo, but judging from his flushed expression, he'd taken it that way.

"Don't tell me you're interested in the medical field now?" it was your attempt to gain control of the conversation again. "And after all that hard hero training you do."

"Uh, I…" a small spark shot between his hands as he tried to think of something to say. You must've really thrown him off this time, although that isn't very hard to do. After a few moments of fidgeting, he deflated and dropped his head. "All right, I'll go back to class."

"Aww come now, don't look so down," you laughed, leaning back in your chair. "I'm sure Mr. Aizawa is much more fun than I am."

"Yeah, if you think torture is fun," he pulled his hair with a whine and slogged towards the door. When he reached for the handle, he paused and glanced back at you with a forlorn look. "Not even a kiss for the road?"

"Hmm," tapping your chin with the pen, you smirked, "maybe if you come up with a less cheesy pick-up line, then I might be more inclined."

That perked him up more than any jolt of electricity could do. "Well you're in luck babe, I've got plenty of 'em!"

"Let's hear it then, I'm all ears."

"Okay, okay…" he scrunched his face and crossed his arms. You could practically see the gears turning as he thought it through. "Damn," he spoke after a moment, trying to hide his smirk, "you're so beautiful you made me forget my pick-up line."

You chucked the pen at him with a snort, which he narrowly dodged, hopping halfway out the door in the process. "Oh my god Kaminari, I said less cheesy, get out of here!"

That dorky grin back on his face, he held up his hands. "Fine, but don't think I'm finished here. I will find one that works." With a wave, he disappeared, yelling through the door, "mark my words!"

TODOROKI

Honestly, the scrape wasn't even that bad or that deep, but he still found himself marching towards Recovery girls office in hopes he'd find you there. Ever since you became her intern, he seemed to find himself injured more and more frequently…by total accident of course.

"Oh, Todoroki," you smiled as he walked in. "What brings you in today?"

"I injured my arm during training today," he said flatly, holding the appendage up. There was a sizable gash under what looked like scorch marks. "I thought it best to get it checked out."

"Geez, who were you fighting this time?"

"Bakugo," with a shrug, he glanced at his arm.

"Well, that makes sense," you waved him to one of the beds, "come on, let's have a look then."

Silently, he sat down on the examination bed, the stiff paper ruffling as he scooted back slightly when you approached. His whole body was stiff, eyes staring everywhere but your face. It didn't look much different from his usual self, but internally, he was having a slight meltdown from your mere proximity alone.

Sliding the stool over, you sat down and twisted his left arm back and forth to get a good look, muttering a few things before giving it back. "the cuts shallow which means no stitches, so that's good. Should heal on its own in a few days. I'll just clean it and wrap it, then you're good to go."

"Oh," the word unintentionally slipped out.

When you looked up at him, you noticed the tiniest of pouts forming on his lips. "Unless something else is wrong?"

"No!" he said a little too quickly.

Something else was definitely wrong. Throwing him a quizzical look, you headed for the drawers that held your supplies. "That's good I suppose," you said lightly, "It seems like I've been seeing you almost every day this week alone."

"Sorry," he muttered.

"I didn't say I was complaining," with a grin, you sat back in front of him with sterilizing pads and gauze.

Those words alone were enough for his left side to flare up. When your fingers touched his arm to clean the wound, you flinched away.

"Uh, hey Todoroki," you cocked your head, trying to maintain that professional demeanor Recovery Girl kept pestering you about (although the old woman should take her own advice) and not crack a smile. When his eyes finally met your own, you pointed to his arm, raising a brow. "Might wanna tone down the heat there."

He blinked. Then blinked again before realizing what the problem was. His cheeks flushed almost the same color as his hair and turned his head in embarrassment, rasping out a quiet apology.

"Are you sure everything's okay?" dapping the wound after the skin cooled down, your eyes wandered up to his. "You seem a little worked up."

"Something like that," he mumbled, watching your hands delicately work, using that as a distraction to keep from staring at your face. The same face he could easily find himself lost in if he gave himself the chance. So he decided to change the subject. "It's quiet here." Yeah, way to go, man, real insightful.

"Yeah, Recovery Girl gives me the quietest shifts until I gain enough experience." Once the soot was cleaned off, you grabbed the gauze. "You don't always have to be injured to come visit me, you know." Sparing a quick glance up at him, you started wrapping the limb. "I wouldn't mind the company."

"Am I even allowed in here without an excuse?" It was just a curious question but your frown caught him off-guard, wondering if he said something wrong.

"Couldn't hurt to find out," you mumbled, "I mean we are in an infirmary." Tying off the gauze, you patted just below the cut with a small smile. "Okay, you're all patched up. You're free to go."

"Does it have to be here?" Shoto suddenly stood up, eyes meeting your own.

"What?"

"You said you wouldn't mind the company," he furrowed his brow. "Does it have to be here?"

"Well, no, I was just saying…wait, you wanna see me outside of here?" you gestured around the room, a little baffled.

He nodded, looking less confident by the minute. "If that's alright with you."

The smile that lit up your face was brighter than any flames Shoto could ever hope to produce. "It's more than alright with me."

...

taglist: @dorki-time @awilddreamerwrites @peachsenpie @thecindy @miriobaby @kiyoobi @dragonsdreamoffire @amive2567

[eroselless]

hopelessly devoted [2]

Pairing : Sebastian Stan x reader │regency au

Summary : When Y/N Brighton finds herself suddenly married to a strange older man, she thinks her life is completely derailed. Wha happens when she starts to get close to him?

Warnings : smut, lil bit of angst, fluffiness

Word Count : 3.2k

Notes : Y'all I kinda suck at dialogue, so I'm sorry if it sounds weird lol. Also I'm sorry it's a little late, I was trying to aim for Sunday morning but oh well. This will also be the last part of this lil mini series. I had lots of fun writing it. Hope you guys like it! Also just a little last note, this is my first time writing a full smut sequence (cuz I am very much I experienced, if you catch my drift) so apologies if it’s not the best :)

here's what I listened to while I wrote :)

find part 1 here!

It was in the very early hours of the morning when Y/N shot up from her sleep. Her brain was buzzing from a dream she couldn’t quite remember. She had awoken with a gasp, the feeling of falling bringing her out from her deep slumber. The night was still dark, the moon slowly making its way back under the horizon. She rubbed her eyes with the heel of her hand, stars sparkling behind her closed eyelids.

The house was in such complete silence, you could hear a pin drop. Y/N sat there, for a moment in the dark. It had been three days since the party with Sebastian. As much as she tried to open up to him, it was nearly impossible as he continued to retreat into his office, asking not to be disturbed. Leaning back on her pillows, she stared at the empty side of her bed. Reaching over, she smoothed her hand over the untouched sheet as if to try to imagine how warm it would be if her husband had slept there.

“He’s probably sound asleep in his room, his dreams far away from me.” She sighed, swinging her legs out from under the covers and stepping out of bed. She pulled a thin robe over her nightgown, shivering slightly at the cold fabric. She grabbed a lit candelabra, holding it gently as she made her way down to the kitchens. She only realized she had forgotten her slippers when her feet had touched the cold tiles of the kitchens. Placing the candle on the counter, she opened the fridge and took out a small glass jar of milk. She sat down in front of the candle, staring into the dancing flame.

Sebastian was cold under his sheets, not having retired to his bed long ago. He tossed and turned, huffing as he sat up in frustration. Sleep seemed to evade him in every way possible. He made his way down to the kitchen, not having bothered to put on a shirt. As he neared the doorway, he realized his bride was sitting there quietly, her cheek leaning into her left hand. Her hair was pulled back, a braid adorning her hair. Her back was to him as he walked in.

“Can’t sleep either?” He said once he was close enough. Y/N jumped a little, choking slightly on the milk she was drinking. She cleared her throat once she had swallowed and nodded at him.

“I thought maybe milk would help but,” She shrugged and made a face. Sebastian chuckled and took an identical bottle of milk out of the fridge.

“It might help if it was warm, I think.” He started and flicked on the oven. He placed a pan on the stove, emptying the bottle into it. “I can warm yours up too if you want.” Y/N nodded shyly, getting up and walking to hand him the bottle. They stood there, watching the milk slowly come to a bubble. The awkwardness was almost palpable, each eyeing the other’s movements.

Once the milk had warmed up he poured it into cups, handing one to her. He sat down next to her, much closer than he had ever been. They drank their milk in silence.

Y/N cradled the cup in her hands, watching the last of the milk swirl around at the bottom. Sebastian watched her, examining the dark circles under her eyes. Maybe her head was as full as his was. He wanted to speak, to let her know that he didn’t mean to pull away from her. That he really wanted to open his heart to but couldn’t. He couldn’t let himself. Strands of her hair had fallen out of the loose braid, falling in front of her face. He reached over, tucking it behind her ear. His fingers grazed the side of her face, feeling the smoothness of her cheek. He moved his hand, his thumb on the side of her face, fingers gently wrapping around the back of her neck. He tried to push the guilt away, tried to mute it as he felt her lean into his hand. Her eyes were hooded, the light of the candle slowly starting to fade as they inched closer. He could feel her slow breath as his lips came nearer to hers. He was so close.

With a swift move of his free arm, he knocked over the glass bottle, sending it falling to the tile floor. He jumped away from her, startled by the noise. He quickly rose from his chair, looking around the room for a broom. From the corner of his eye, he watched as Y/N stood from her chair slowly. Her head was down as she picked up the empty cups and put them in the sink. The moment was gone. He shook his head.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.” He said, throwing away the pieces of glass. She really didn’t know what he meant. Did he mean he shouldn’t have accidentally knocked over the bottle? Or did he mean he shouldn’t have gotten so close to kissing her?

“It’s fine, it was just a little accident.” She mumbled, still not knowing what he was referring to. He put the broom back in its place and made his way out of the dark kitchen. He looked back at her as she stood silently by the sink. He nodded to her and whispered a small g’night before fading into the darkness and leaving her alone. Her eyes filled with tears as he slipped from her fingers once again.

It was in the late afternoon when she saw him next. She had sat down for a light snack after dinner, looking out the big windows of the dining room. The sun was making its way down the sky but was almost completely hidden behind thickening clouds. The whole day felt gloomy despite the ray of the sun that fought to peek out. Her husband had been quiet during dinner, dismissing himself the second he had eaten the last morsel of food from his plate. He wasn’t that hungry, he said. Where she sat, she watched as he made his way into the gardens.

Sebastian sighed as he sat down on the stone bench on the edge of the gardens. He looked forward, towards the darkening sky. From the library to the party to the warm glasses of milk the night before. His desire to have her close was rising but the guilt inside him kept him away. How could she feel happiness here? Away from her old life, away from the people she loved? He couldn’t help those words from echoing in his head. Even though he had been helping her family, giving them what they needed to eliminate their debts, he felt guilty for marrying her. He had taken her chances of a happy future away.

He turned towards the house as he heard footsteps walking towards him, rustling in the grass. He sucked in a breath as Y/N sat down next to him on the bench. She looked over at him, pressing closer as she leaned on her arm. They sat in silence, enjoying the cool air. It’s going to start raining soon, she thought.

There was something else in the air. There was a looming question, now that I'm here, what do I do now? Y/N could feel herself try to push a question out, anything to make him see her. Even though she was sat down next to him, why couldn’t they speak anymore? Why did he pull away from her whenever he got too close?

“Do you hate me?” She asked. Sebastian blinked. “Of course not.” He replied, confusion dripping from the question.

“Do I embarrass you?” She egged on, thinking back to the one moment in public, on the dance floor. He shook his head.

“Then why do you pull away when we are close?” She said. Frustration began to settle in him. He didn’t want to explain himself. Of course she didn’t embarrass him, but how could he explain to her the riddles that went on in his head? He stood up, shaking his head. He stepped in front of her, wanting to leave.

“No, no,” She cried, pushing herself up from her spot on the bench. “I can’t do this anymore!” She grabbed his hands, tears sparkling in her eyes.

He roughly pulled his hands away, making a move toward the house. The rain had slowly started to fall around them.

“Sebastian stop,” she begged, reaching for his arm again.

“This time you don’t get to walk away.” His eyes stayed focused on the grass below their feet, refusing to meet her eyes. He stayed frozen in place.

“Answer my question, why is it that whenever we get a chance alone, you pull away?” She protested. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to rid them of tears. His mouth felt dry as he tried to speak.

“I c-can’t” Her grip didn’t lessen on his arm. She was waiting. He looked back at her, tears falling from their eyes. Even here, with her eyes tinted red she still looked beautiful.

“I can’t bring myself to give in to the fire that’s burning in me. I can’t look at you and deny that there is love in me for you.” He spilled out. “I can’t help but feel as if I robbed you from any happiness that you could’ve had.” Y/N felt her heart beat louder in her chest.

“Every time I see you smile, I cannot help but feel sorrow grow in my chest because I can only ever imagine making you smile that way.” The pain in Y/N’s seemed to fade, growing into an adoration as he confessed. For weeks they had gone from sneaking longing glances at each other and pining for each other in secret.

“If you let me, I could be the happiest,” She began, bringing his hand to her chest. “I could be the happiest, here, with you.”

“My heart, it beats for you.” They stood there, their eyes locked on the other. And there, under the gloom and the rain, there was a different feeling in the pit of their stomachs. That warm fuzzy, euphoric feeling. Love.

He pressed his lips to her in a flurry of passion. He pulled his hand from her, holding the sides of her face. The walls built around each of them came crumbling down as they found themselves finally letting go. The saltiness of their tears was being slowly washed away by the rain, the pain falling away.

Sebastian pulled away from the kiss, resting his head on Y/N’s forehead. They were breathless, taking in the moment. Y/N leaned into his touch, smiling and pressing her cold nose against his cheek. Even though the storm was tearing around them, there was peace.

Y/N walked behind Sebastian as they made their way out of the rain and into their home. They slowly reached the top of the stairs, freezing upon coming face to face with their individual doors. Neither of them wanted to separate from the other, they stood in silence for a few seconds. Y/N watched as Sebastian looked between her and the door and then back at her.

“Will you need any help with your clothing?” she dared ask. Her voice was just above a whisper and for a second she questioned whether or not he had heard her. He felt his breath stop as he met her eyes.

“I suppose I will.” he said calmly. With that he guided her into his room.

She had only ever glanced into it a handful of times but had never even stepped foot in it. He had beautiful sage green decor with accents of gold. His bed sheets were a deep green and his curtains an even deeper green to keep the light from coming. They were pulled open to reveal the gloom coming from outside. It was similar to the size of her room yet there was a different vibe to it. The lights were lit, providing a soft and alluring vibe to the room. She was in awe of how elegant his room was, contrasting his serious exterior. Sebastian watched her, looking on with adoration.

She was pulled out of her daze as he stepped in front of her. She felt her cheeks warm up as he softly grabbed her hands in his. She peered up at him nervously, through her lashes. She pulled her hands away, bringing them to the buttons of his shirt. He watched as she carefully unbuttoned each one, admiring his tan skin as she got a wider and wider view of his chest.

Sebastian felt his heart flutter as her eyes traveled over the expanse of his pectorals. Her fingers danced over the faint chest hair and then over his shoulders as she fully peeled the sopping shirt from him. She trailed her fingers over his arms, taking one in her hands. She admired the veins that slightly popped up from under the skin as she traced them with the tips of her nails. He let out a shaky sigh as he pulled away from her.

A sense of lust began to grow in the air as he moved behind her. His breath danced on the back of her neck as he began to undo the knots of her dress. He pulled gently at the string, loosening it and taking it from her. She shivered under his touch, relishing in the lingering feeling of his fingertips on her back. She was left in her undergarments, feeling the cold air around her. She felt vulnerable. She had to still a laugh in her throat, what a metaphor for their current situation.

She then felt the rest of the clothes drop to the floor. She was now completely bare, her back fully exposed to Sebastian. She stepped out of the pool of clothes that were at her feet and slowly turned to face him. Reaching up, she gently pulled the pin from her hair. It cascaded down over her shoulders, still damp from the rain. Sebastian held in a gasp. Even though they had been living in the same house for weeks, he had never seen her with her hair down. Not completely. It was always up in a sort of way, but never lingering over her face like this. He kept his eyes up, trying not to look down at the swells of her breasts. He didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable. He felt butterflies flutter in his stomach when her eyes broke away from his and he felt her hands make their way to the buckle of his pants. He took a deep breath in as he felt his member stir within the confines of his undergarments. She pulled his pants and all from his hips and let them join her clothes on the floor below.

They were both bare. Standing in silence, in the cool air of Sebastian’s room.

“Tell me you want to stop and we can.” He whispered. Y/N’s eyes met his, twinkling in the dim light. “I don’t want to.” she said, inching forward.

With that, Sebastian pulled her in. His thumb caressed her bottom lip before placing his full lips over hers. This kiss was unlike the one they had shared in the rain. That one, though filled with passion, had timidness to it. He had been holding back ever so slightly. She felt him push against her until she felt something hit the back of her knees and she fell onto the bed.

It was then when she felt self conscious. She was frozen on the bed with her hair sprawled out underneath her like a halo. Sebastian towered over her, looking at her with an almost innocent tint in his eyes. On instinct, her hands went to cover her breast and her legs bent, hiding her womanhood. He shook his head, pulling her hand away gently.

“Please don’t hide from me. You're so beautiful.”

He leaned over, pressing a single kiss on her throat. He looked up at her, as if to ask for permission to continue. Y/N nodded before he leaned over her again. He pressed his hands on the mattress, holding himself up as he trailed his lips down the valley between her breasts. She could feel her heartbeat start picking up and soon she was feeling it between her legs. She felt herself grow wetter as he suckled on her nipple, tweaking the other one with his fingers. Her chest heaved as she felt his fingers travel just below her navel. He pressed his finger there before moving his mouth down her torso. She let out a low moan, tingles erupting in the depths of her stomach. She felt her legs shake nervously as his mouth inched lower.

She uttered a sharp gasp as he suctioned his lips on her clit, circling it with his tongue. He worked his fingers in her, pushing them knuckle deep. Y/N subconsciously bucked her hips, wanting to soothe the red hot burning that was building up inside her. Her hands fisted the bedsheet until her knuckles were white. She reached her climax with a pop as Sebastian rode it out, hand still moving gently against her. He climbed on top of her as she pulled his lips towards hers, not caring that she could taste herself on his tongue. He placed a hand under each of her knees, slotting himself between them. His arms were pressed into the mattress on either side of her head.

“Slowly.” He said as he lined himself with her entrance.

He groaned as he bottomed out. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, feeling a sting between her legs. Y/N squirmed under him, trying her best to breathe steadily. Her fingers gripped tightly onto the tender skin of his back. A high pitched moan came from her lips as he reached between them to press his fingers against her little bundle of nerves.

“Seb —”

He nudged her hands from his back and interlaced their fingers, pinning her hands above her head. She rolled her head into his mouth panting. His jaw went slack, his lips just hovering over hers.

Y/N felt her eyes roll to the back of her head as Sebastian pulled one of her knees up to her chest, hitting a different angle inside of her. A heat began to spread through her body. Her words got stuck behind her throat as she felt herself come undone under him. A moan fell from her lips as she came once again.

At the feeling of her walls fluttering around him, Sebastian felt a coil inside him break as he came inside her walls. His head fell to her shoulder as they both rode down from their highs. Y/N let out a breath as he let his full body fall on her. It was comforting despite feeling slightly crushed under him. It felt nice. She pressed her lips to his shoulder, smiling as she felt him kiss her neck lovingly. A smile graced her lips as he rolled off her, wrapping her in his arms from behind. They laid there, letting sleep fall over them. Tomorrow would be different, a good kind different. It was only up from here.

tags:

@lharrietg @carleywhittaker @tonystankschild @headheartbellarke @baebee35 @lady-loki-ren @soap-bubble-nebula @chipilerendi @thekleonablog @gloryekaterina @pspice639

[damn-stark]

The Trouble Ch.5

Jesse x fem!reader

A/N- so here's my surprise :) lmao, I’m going to try and finish this mini series!! I’m not ready for the next chapter though :(

Warning- Violence, talks of blood and death, angst, swearing.

Pairing- Jesse x reader

——

Leaving to you to look like a criminal caught red handed, frozen and unable to think of what to do next. Just stuck between options….options you knew already—you swallowed thickly and looked between your best friend and your boyfriend, parting your lips to answer, “I…”

Your gaze fixates on Ellie and your frown deepens as you begin to offer her an apologetic look. One she understands and responds by looking away. Hiding whatever facial reaction she could’ve given.

“I’m sorry Ellie, but it’s Tommy. I have to make sure he’s okay.” You continue.

She nods as she turns to look at the ground, muttering out her answer. “Yeah, I understand.” She finally looks solely at you and offers you a half smile that was only partially meant. “I’ll see you later.”

After mirroring her smile you turn away and walk off with Jesse, hopping off the second floor to land on the first floor with a soft thud before quickly getting pulled by said man to hide behind some rubble. You peek over the rubble and see two soldiers. It looked easy enough to take them out, both Jesse and you could sneak up on them, or use your silencers. It would be messier, but it would remove the obstacles in the way—

“Come on, let’s distract them and leave this damn building.” Jesse whispers, breaking you from your stupor. “Let’s try and get to the marina as quietly as possible, or else we’ll never make it there alive.”

You look to Jesse and then back to the two soldiers, debating whether or not to follow his command. But your hesitation wins you over and you nod before looking back at Jesse to follow after him.

In that instant that you were sneaking out of the mall, you hear gunshots go off, followed by hurried footsteps. Jesse pulls you to hide in the shadows as footsteps keep approaching and retreating. The noise and tension makes you slap a hand over your mouth, while the other slid to hold onto Jesses. It took everything within you not to run off and help Ellie at the sound of the gunshots. But you had to remind yourself that Tommy was still out there.

“She’ll be okay, lets go while they’re distracted.” Jesse tries to assure you, pulling you along with him now that he had your hand in his grasp.

Even if the worry for Ellie gnawed at you, you let Jesse pull you away to finally leave the mall and make it outside where the shots were only faint sounds.

“I’ve looked at the map and they’ll be everywhere, but there are weak spots, we’ll go through those parts.”

“Mhmm,” you agree, beginning to walk ahead even if you still looked back. “You think she’ll forgive me?”

“What is there to forgive? You’re doing what we were here to do, helping Tommy, she let her revenge in the way.” Jesse argued, “she should apologize to us.”

Your gaze narrows and you falter behind him. “She’s just hurt, if I were in her position I’d do the same, I’m pretty sure you would too. Plus you’re just saying this because you’re mad.”

Jesse looks to you over his shoulder and slowly continues forward. “But she should’ve thought it clearly, the best thing to do was get Tommy, return to the theatre and then go home. Dina can’t be here anymore.”

At that your worry is replaced by...confusion, unsureness and stress. Again you’re reminded of the problem dangling over Jesse and you. It was inevitable talking about it again, he was making sure of that, and he was upset, it was a matter of time.

“The marina is not far from here, keep your eyes peeled for Tommy, or any threat.”

“Okay.” You mumble beginning to do as he said to keep your mind distracted and try to avoid talking with Jesse.

But that was a fail. Again, inevitable.

“Look, y/n, I just want to make clear that I,” he begins again, slowing down to fall by your side. “I love you, and I meant what I said, I want you by my side with this new moment coming in my life. Of course if Dina chooses to keep the baby.”

You sigh and look to the passing scenery, keeping a hand on your gun and the other balled at your side. He notices your silence and continues without a fault.

“Nothing, or no one is going to change that I want you.”

“Your baby might,” you interject, finally looking back at him. “Look I know that you’re promising all this stuff now, you’re trying to be hopeful, but try to see things from my perspective, Jesse. The baby is going to change everything, you might not see it now, but it is. You say you’re willing not to be with Dina. But what if,” your gaze falls again and tears fill your eyes. “You want to give your kid a whole family? I mean I would understand, and that’s what scares me, you changing your mind halfway through our relationships and leaving me hanging with nothing but a broken heart.”

Jesse's eyes turn pitiful, yet meaningful, every bit of happy, loving emotion you had seen him express to you with that simple look only a few days ago was there. He tries to assure like he has many times before, but before he can a loud crash coming from a music shop just a couple feet away steals the attention of the both of you.

Could it be Tommy?

“What if its Tommy? You ask out loud.

Jesse begins to slowly make his way towards the music shop, focusing his gaze on the shop for a long moment before looking back at you to express his own thought. “Wouldn’t doubt it, it’s a music shop. But we need to be careful.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know.” You mutter before rushing towards the shop, stopping as you reached the door to press your back on the surface, pulling out your gun and pointing it to the dark rubble filled shop. You have the urge to call Tommy’s name, but you stay quiet just in case it’s something else inside. However you do continue sneaking inside, examining the shop and smiling as you see what still remained intact; the old records, guitars and drums. For a moment you forget what you heard and walk towards the records, scrunching your nose as your fingers touch the dust over the records.

“Look,” you say to Jesse as you pull a record of classical music. “I read once in a book that playing classical music for a developing baby is good for their brains.”

“Hmm, interesting, what about a grown adult's brain?”

You snort. “Oh, why? You need some help in that department?”

Jesse shrugs and keeps moving to the back room. “Not me, for a friend we have in common.”

You laugh quietly and shake your head, placing the record back in the shelf to follow after Jesse, hearing as he changes the topic. “So we good now, or what?”

“Uhmm,” you voice, glancing past his head to walk past and keep up ahead of him. “No.” Before he could say more you pick up your pace and stop once you reach the door, drawing in a deep anticipating breath before pushing it open. Seeing nothing but darkness and dust, hearing…a clicking sound until it's too late.

Once you identify the clickers, one is already rushing towards you, tackling you forcefully to the ground while the second one attacks Jesse.

You try to lift your weapon to shoot the clicker, but it all too quickly knocks the gun out of your hand, pinning your arms to the ground with an unbelievable force that you still couldn’t understand they had; a groan escapes your lips and sweat beads begins to form on your forehead as you use all the strength in your body to try and shove it off, but it keeps snapping its jaw at your face, moving viscously. You try to kick it, but it’s body was sitting on your legs, keeping them from moving. You try to hear for any sign of Jesse still alive, but the sound of the clicker snapping its jaw is the only thing that echoes in your ears.

It’s at this time however, as your life hangs from a cracking edge, that all your mind can focus on is Jesse, you try to turn your head to get one last look at him as the clickers jaw comes closer to your skin, but you’re trapped, unable to make any movement. You can’t help but think of all the memories you had with Maria, her father and Tommy, not even the family you had been born too because the truth is you didn’t even remember them. The only family you remember having, is them. One that kept growing when you met Ellie and Joel, when you finally got together with Jesse.

Yet Jesse felt like much more, you loved him and he knew, but you knew he questioned it now that you faced new problems and kept him out in the cold.

However in this instant even the thought of being without him broke your heart, even if you knew a new chapter was opening in his life, you wanted to be a part of it to be with him. You regretted not thinking that much sooner than when your life flashed before your eyes.

“Was this really going to be my last moment in life?” You couldn’t help but wonder, feeling tears sting your eyes and the faces of Ellie, Tommy, Maria and Jesse all flash in your mind, all happy memories before your fight was going to be no more. You shut your eyes and see them much clearer.

Yet before the clicker could bite you, a shot rings in your ears and hits the clicker behind the head, instantly making it go limp and fall on top of you after all it’s blood spilled all over your face. You couldn’t help, but gasp and stay on the ground stiff and blinking repeatedly at the bafflement that struck your whole being.

“You love scaring me half to death don't you?” You barely hear Jesse's voice ask as he pulls and throws the clicker off of you, wrapping his hand around your arm to pull you to your feet. “This is the second time that you do this, this is the second time you almost get bit and scare me.”

Finally breaking from your stupor, you blink to meet his gaze. “I’m sorry.”

“No, you—”

You cut him off by wrapping your arms around his neck, gripping onto him tightly and smiling like an idiot. “I love you, Jesse.”

Jesse sighs and hugs you back. “Yeah, I know. I knew you still did.”

You scoff and pull away to meet his gaze once again. “Sure. I would kiss you, but my face is uh, dirty.” You point out as you wipe clicker blood off your face. “Regardless, I just want to say that whatever you chose, I’ll stick by your side, okay?”

“Really?” He tries to assure himself.

You nod, “yeah.”

Jesse's eyes fall to your lips, but before he could step closer to kiss you, he stops and instead gets a cloth from his backpack and wipes your face. You chuckle and shake your head. “Cute.”

“I know,” he shrugs, shoving the cloth back in his bag and pointing to the exit with the tilt of his head, “let’s go, Tommy is probably still at the marina.”

——

“Do you think Ellie is at the aquarium yet?” You ask Jesse as your eyes roam the dark raging ocean shore, finding it all quite unimpressive. But then what could one expect in the winter? Hopefully you’d see a blue ocean one day.

“If she’s not there then she’s probably on her way.” Jesse answers, his eyes unlike your scanning the area for a threat, or Tommy.

You drop your hand to your side and look his way for a brief moment. “Are you really going to leave her behind?”

Jesse stops at your question and expresses a deep sigh, looking back at you and sharing a genuine look of concern. “My friends' problems are my problems.”

“That’s what I thought.” You express with a relieved smile. “Let’s just find Tommy and go see if we can catch up with her.”

“Yeah, let’s check this building first,” Jesse instructs as he points to a building with a broken balcony rail.

You nod in agreement and begin to follow after him, picking up your gun again and slowly sneaking towards the first floor of the building, finding the backdoor slammed open. Blood pooled the ground and left a trail that led inside. Out of curiosity you crouch and touch the blood, finding it still wet. “This is fresh blood,” you think out loud, standing to your given height and looking to the inside, seeing nothing out of the ordinary yet; just broken furniture, dirty puddled floors and darkness. “Whoever it belonged to is probably close. We need to be careful.”

“Yeah,” Jesse breathes, pushing you behind and leading the way. “You’re right, stand behind me.”

You scoff softly, “I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself.”

“I know that, but I’m just trying to help you.” Jesse said nonchalantly, looking back at you with a smirk. “I’m being a gentleman.”

You snicker and you roll your eyes, readying your retort, but cutting yourself off as a voice breaks from the back of the room. “Put your weapons down and,” there's a pause and shuffle. “Goddamn I must be fucking dreaming, or going insane.”

You freeze and look towards the direction of the voice, seeing nothing but a shadow appear in the distance. You freeze in your spot as Jesse and you glance at one another with your guns raised up higher.

“Darling you’re getting hell of a scoldin when we get home.”

You blink and drop your guard, feeling your mouth drop open at the voice, the accent that finally registered in your brain. “Tommy,” you grin, seeing the shadow finally show his face as the light hit him. “Tommy!”

In a matter of seconds, without looking to Jesse, or hesitating a moment longer you rush towards Tommy to meet him halfway.

“Y/N, what are you doing here?” He asks, still seeming to be confused if you were actually real, or just an illusion.

“I came after you, you old man.” You say cheekily, letting your eyes scan his face; finding it looked exhausted, but he still looked the same. Old. Nothing really caught your attention until your eyes found fresh blood leaking on his shirt. “You’re...bleeding.”

“Oh, that’s nothing,” he tries to assure you, pushing the subject aside to give you a half hug that he made sure wasn’t the side where his blood was leaking from. “Even if I don’t like seeing you here, it’s good seeing you.” His eyes lift to see Jesse and his grin stays just as bright. “Jesse, man, you’re here too.”

“Like she said.” Jesse grinned, “we’re here for you.”

You pull away to let Jesse get wrapped in the same half hug, letting all three of you get wrapped by a happy daze for a moment until your eyes find his bleeding wound again. “Really, Tommy what happened?”

His eyes fall on his wound and he just shakes it off. “You tell me first, how did y’all get here? Is there more of you?”

“We got here two days go,” Jesse answers, still avoiding your main concern. “On horseback. It felt like hell, but we got here. And you don’t have to worry, you and y/n will deal with Maria when we get home, it’s just us, Ellie and Dina.”

Tommy hums and nods. “That’s what I thought, I’ve been hearing the radio chatter and all I hear is news on a tresspar girl with red hair.” He begins to walk past the both of you so he can walk outside, still continuing to talk over his shoulder. “Never imagined you two though. Still feels like I’m dreaming. You two okay?”

“Never better.” You sigh as Jesse and you follow him. “Couple of scratches, but we’re fine. You on the other hand, I’m not going to stop bothering you until you show me that your wound is stitched up.”

Tommy groans and shakes his head, turning around to lift his shirt and show you a sloppy stitched up stab wound. “I’m fine. Did it all myself before we found each other.”

You hum and force yourself to be okay with it for now. “Fine, but I’m restitching after we return to the movie theatre.”

Tommy let’s his shirt go and spins back around. “Is Ellie there?”

“No,” Jesse answers for you, “she’s on her way to Abby. She’s going to the Aquarium.”

Tommy stops and looks to the ocean, not even thinking about it twice before he assured your other concern. “That girl loves getting into trouble.” Tommy begins his pace again and changes directions this time. “But we can’t let her deal with it alone. I found a good boat, let’s get on and go after her.”

.

.

.

.

Tagged- @protect-lev, @expecto-nox , @vintage-and-hypnotic , @kokomaesadie​ , @0j-b0, @itsyellow , @minheoly

[niksixx]

Plus One

We’re on part 4 already!!! I’m soooo excited for this part. I plan on throwing a few curveballs and cliffhangers in the remaining parts of this mini fic, and I can’t wait for your reactions! 

Note: This fic takes place over the course of a few months!! Just keep that in mind while reading!

A/N: Please leave comments telling me what you think🖤

*Picture is NOT mine. Found on Google. Credit to the owner.*  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*Pia’s POV*

I look in the mirror, completely unsatisfied yet again with my outfit of choice. Ten years out of high school and I find myself still caring about what my old classmates will think of me. I sigh before pulling off the simple blue dress and toss it on my bed dejectedly.

It takes me another fifteen minutes to find a better outfit and soon I’m staring back at myself adorned in heeled boots, black pants, and a skimmery gold long sleeve shirt.

I give myself a half smile just as the bell rings. I make sure to grab my purse, filled with lipgloss and a generous amount of breath mints, before heading down the steps.

My heart squeezes in my chest. In leather pants and a black button up shirt, Nikki grins happily. I’m well aware of his eyes examining the length of my body, and I don’t try to hide that I’m doing the same thing to him.

“When’s the last time you were this dolled up?” He asks, pressing the softest kiss to my cheek. There’s no one watching. He doesn’t have to appear affectionate. So why does he?

I snicker back at him before locking the door behind me. “It’s not like I’ve had anywhere to go. Now come on, we’re going to be late.”

~~~

Every inch of the school is decorated in navy blue and maroon streamers. Balloons are tied to chairs, littered on the gymnasium floor, and floating to the ceiling. Teachers stand by the entryway while old friends mingle about. I spot my friends laughing at a circular table in the back of the gym, and my hand slides into Nikki’s before pulling him in that direction.

“You made it,” Vince remarks, giving us a nod. “We didn’t think you were coming.”

“We wanted to make an entrance,” Nikki answers with a lighthearted laugh, giving my hand a squeeze. “Fashionably late and all that jazz.”

I walk around the table, exchanging hugs and quick pecks on the cheek, making sure to even press a tiny kiss to Vivian’s growing stomach. It’s good to see everyone together again. Sure, we’re all used to seeing each other on the weekends, but life has caught up to many of us, making it difficult to keep to our regularly scheduled adventures.

“So, you and Nikki,” Charlotte whispers, only for the girls to hear. My lips quirk up in a smile. “It’s about time you got your happy ending.”

“Let’s not jump ahead,” Viv interjects, stuffing a brownie into her mouth. No one says anything about the six other brownies piled onto her plate. How ironic it’d be if baby Alice May ended up hating chocolate. “They just started dating a month ago. But, I am mad I had to find out from Amanda,” Viv pouts before sinking her teeth into another treat. “How’s he been treating you?”

“Like a queen I hope,” Amanda chimes in, swirling the straw in her drink.

I see how happy they are for me, and I have to push away the nagging thought that screams it’s not real. No matter how much I want it to be real, and no matter how well Nikki treats me, that thought is ever-present in my brain.

“He’s amazing,” I say breathlessly, sneaking a quick peek at Nikki. He laughs at something Tommy says, eyes crinkling in delight. His smile is wide and genuine. “He’s unlike any man I’ve ever been with.”

Charlotte shakes me happily. “How many dates have you been on?”

“A few. We went out to dinner one night, a museum another. We stay in sometimes too. Order pizza, watch movies, play games. He even cooked for me last night. Being with him is an adventure I never want to end.”

~~~

*Nikki’s POV*

From the gymnasium bleachers, I watch with a grin as Pia and Charlotte dance with a few classmates. My eyes stay glued on Pia. The more she smiles and laughs, the more I can feel a dopey grin widening across my face.

I can feel my chest tighten as I watch her. It’s a feeling I’ve been having for a few days now whenever I’m around her and I can’t quite place what it is. From the dance floor her eyes find mine and she winks subtly, and the tightness is present once more. I balance my elbow on my knee, cheek in my palm, and sigh.

“You’ve got a little drool right there buddy,” Tommy pokes the corner of my mouth and I swat his hand away, frowning.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Tommy rolls his eyes, crossing his ankles and leaning back on a higher bleacher. “How long are you supposed to keep up this act?”

I’m well aware of the extra emphasis placed on act. “Only a few more months. After her work party and cousin’s wedding, I am a free, single man again.”

“Uh huh,” Tommy tuts, his eyebrow raised in question. “So there’s absolutely no chance that this fake relationship turns into something real.”

I straighten my shoulders, shooting Tommy a warning look. He’s treading in deep water. “Don’t start. I don’t see her that way. Never have.”

Tommy was never one to listen. He takes a swig of water, brows raised as if to challenge me. “But you’re starting to.”

“Enough,” The word comes out harsh through gritted teeth. I ball my fists tightly, lowering my voice. “Be careful with your next words, man. I’m serious.”

Tommy chuckles, shaking his head. It’s a game to him. My reactions are his entertainment. “You won’t do shit and you know it. Seriously, man, what gives? I can see it on your face. You’re falling for her, aren’t you?”

I’m about to open my mouth but commotion on the dance floor stops me. I turn, scrunching my brows as Pia and Charlotte dart over to where Tommy and I are sitting.

“What’s going on?” Tommy asks, looking frantically between the girls.

“It’s Viv,” Pia answers, waiting a moment to catch her breath. “Her water just broke.”

~~~

In Vivian’s arms, the tiny pink bundle squirms away. There’s a smile on each one of my friend’s faces, Mick especially, as he strokes the top of his daughter’s head.

“She is so beautiful,” Amanda gasps, tears filling her eyes at the sight of her godchild. Even Tommy’s eyes are bright with unshed tears as he gazes at his new goddaughter, only a few hours old. “We’re so proud of you, Viv.”

Beside me, Pia squeezes my hand. I look down, smirking at the tears that are falling from her eyes, and instinctively brush them away. When I turn forward, I’m greeted with Vivian’s eyes narrowed, holding me captive. No one else seems to notice, and I squirm under her intense gaze.

“Now I hope you know I love you all, but this new momma is hungry and tired,” Viv chuckles, rubbing her growling stomach. Mick is the first one out of the room, no doubt sprinting to the cafeteria to find something semi edible for his wife to eat. Everyone nods in understanding. We begin to file out into the hallway, but Vivan’s voice stops me.

“Nikki,” I turn around, again met with Vivian’s hard gaze. “Close the door. Stay here.”

I freeze. Her voice is anything but welcoming. My fingers twitch as I close the door to the room, taking a hesitant step toward her.

“I thought you wanted to rest,” I say dumbly, stuffing my hands into my pockets. It was never easy to tell what Vivian was thinking, but her face always gave away how she felt.

“I do, but we need to talk first,” Viv’s voice is low and even. She sucks in a breath, exhales, and glares. “Why are you doing this to my best friend?” She shakes her head. “A fake relationship? Really?”

I frown, the realization dawning on me. Mick had told Vivian. “What are you getting at, Viv? Pia asked me to be her fake boyfriend. I’m not doing anything to her.”

It’s a scary sight, Vivian chuckling darkly. “Wow. You really are oblivious, huh?” When I don’t answer, Vivian continues, voice softening. “You really expect me to believe that you don’t know Pia is in love with you?”

I blink. “What?”

Viv rolls her eyes exasperatedly. “Pia is in love with you, Nikki. Somehow, everyone else can see that except you.”

Hate is a strong word and I don’t use it very often. But at this moment, I hate Vivian. I hate the way she’s looking at me. I hate the way I feel so small under her scrutiny. But most of all, I hate the way she’s acting as if I’m in the wrong.

“She doesn’t love me,” I respond with a laugh. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Vivian laughs quietly, repositioning Alice in her arms. “Of course you don’t think so. You never pay attention. I do, and I have over the years. You don’t see the way she watches you when you talk, so fascinated by anything you have to say. You don’t see the way she laughs when you tell a stupid joke. And by the way, she’s the only one who’s ever laughing. You don’t see the way her cheeks flare up when you compliment her and she tries to hide it by looking away. You never, ever saw the devastation in her eyes when you chose each one of us over her. That’s your problem, Nikki. You don’t see.”

My pulse races and suddenly I’m warm all over. The ground beneath me begins to sway, and my fingers lock around the back of the single wooden chair beside the hospital bed. I lower myself down, rubbing the tension from my temples, trying to understand.

Vivian’s hand on my shoulder is light. I’m tempted to push it away, but I know she means well. “This relationship...this fake relationship, is going to end up with one of you hurt. And it’s not going to be you.”

“Why does everyone think something is going to go wrong? First Mick and Tommy, and now you,” I pull the chair closer, gripping Vivian’s hard. She flinches, but says nothing. “You said my problem is that I don’t see. Then help me, Viv. Help me see. If Pia loves me like you say she does, then why did she ask me to be her fake boyfriend and not her real boyfriend, huh? I’m clearly not good enough to be her real boyfriend, right?”

Viv sighs, thumb brushing over my knuckles. “She asked you because she trusts you. And this fake relationship gives her the chance to experience a real relationship with you, one that you never gave her because you were too busy using me, Charlotte, and Amanda to occupy your time. You want to know a secret? You just told me why you never gave Pia the chance. Because in your mind, you don’t think you’re good enough for her. And for someone that puts on the front that he doesn’t want a relationship with her, you certainly are going to lengths to prove this one is real.”

“I know I’m not good enough,” I spit back. “I just...I just know it. I can act the part and put on a show, but that’s all this is. It’s a goddamn show.”

I can see the blood rushing to Vivian’s cheeks. “You stubborn jackass, you know that’s not true. You only have to play the part in public. And believe me, you’ve done one hell of a job with that, so explain to me why you’re still dating her in private? Movie nights? Game nights? Homemade dinners? Explain that to me.”

For the tenth time that night, I’m speechless. Why was I still dating her in private?

“So what do you suggest then?” I ask seriously after a long, silent moment. “That we just call it off completely? Because I can do that right now.”

Viv shakes her head, eyes wide. “If you have no intentions of making this a real relationship, then you need to stop acting like it is behind closed doors. No more movie nights. No more game nights, homemade dinners, none of that. Because the more you do that, the more she’s going to fall in love with you, only for you to rip her heart out in the end.”

[kylorengarbagedump]

Little Bird: Chapter 41

Read on AO3. Part 40 here. Part 42 here.

Summary: You need Kylo Ren to understand. He needs you to understand, too.

Words: 3900

Warnings: an attempt at emotions

Characters: Kylo Ren x Handmaid!Reader

A/N: Is this angst? Is this how you write angst? Is it angsty enough? Hahaha.

Thank you all very much for reading. Only four chapters left, and I am honestly terrified! Haha. I really hope you enjoyed this chapter, I tend to like the ones where I can attempt something new. I want the emotional beats to feel correct. 

I love y'all very very much. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. 

You were awake.

Your bed was stone, a slab that poked through your flesh into the bone, forcing adjustments between tired sighs. Even though this movement exhausted you, you found it impossible to sleep.

It couldn’t have been the baby. After all, it was blueberry-sized at this stage, a time when most women didn’t even know they were pregnant. And it couldn’t have been pain, as most of it had subsided, or faded to a pleasant, ambient hum in your nerves, far more comforting than distressing. It couldn’t have been hunger, either--at least not anymore. Sneaking food from the kitchen after sunset had quelled your raging stomach.

But you still found it impossible to sleep. 

It was obvious, of course, why you couldn’t, but it was a memory you wanted to avoid processing. Johana’s tattered voice, gleaming tears, her admission--I give up, you won--played in your head like a busted cassette tape, rewinding with a sickening click every five seconds. Your Commander’s decision, his cruelty, that remained unprocessed too, a willing rejection of his apparent reckless obsession. You would not, could not consider just how deep, how desperate this obsession was, would and could not consider the urgency of its terrible course.

If you considered it too long, you would feel its twin, the ache in your blood, the silver pulse of your own mirrored need--and know its depth and its desperation as easily as you knew to breathe.

You sat up in a sigh. Beyond your porthole window, the quarter-moon was an opal shimmer over the garden, and the only stirring residents outside were crickets, grasses shifting with the whispered wind. If you were going to be awake and miserable, you could at least gaze into something other than your own empty ceiling--so you rolled out of bed with a groan, deciding bare feet and a nightgown were plenty appropriate for a time where you planned for no one else to see you.

On your tip-toes, the creak of wood could be mistaken for the settling of an old home, your fingers skimming the walls for stability while you crept down the steps and through the darkened halls. You weren’t sure what time it was, but you knew your Commander to be a man of little sleep and littler compromise--seeing him was the last thing you wanted at this moment. When you reached the back door, you held your breath, flipping the lock and easing the knob to the left, prying it open, only to be greeted with a huge black shadow.

“Jesus Christ!” You bit a scream between your teeth, stumbling back--as your vision focused, heat rushed you. It was a Knight Templar. “Um. Hello.”

“What are you doing here?” This was Ushar again--you recognized his voice from earlier--and you relaxed, slightly. Your awkward moment with him was already addressed. “You’re not permitted to leave the premises.”

Another sigh escaped you, and you crossed your arms. You would’ve felt more embarrassed to be only in your nightgown if he hadn’t already seen everything else. 

“I’m not leaving,” you replied. “I just want to be outside for a second.”

Ushar glanced into the garden, then back to you. Or at least, you thought he did. Helmet and all of that. “It’s late. The Commander will expect you to be sleeping.”

“Well, to be honest, I don’t really care about that right now.” You went to push past him, and he side-stepped to follow you. “Oh, come on,” you said, “why are you even here? He’s home, he shouldn’t need you.”

“We’re on duty until his meeting with the Council tomorrow.”

You blinked. “Oh. I thought all of that was today.”

He shook his head. “Preparation. Tomorrow is execution.” A pause. “Figuratively speaking.”

Dread sank its tiny teeth into your stomach. “Or maybe literally, knowing him.”

Ushar cleared his throat. “Yes,” he said. “Well.”

Silence settled between you. Strange, to speak with a man who had, less than 24 hours ago, stood in a circlejerk to spatter you with sperm, and stranger still to converse casually with him about the fact that your mutual Commander’s preferred solution to any issue was to blow its brains out.

“Well.” You cleared your throat, too, as if this would ease the tension in any meaningful way. “Look. I just want to walk around the garden a little bit. You can stand and watch me the whole time.” Half-grinning, you held up three fingers. “Scout’s honor.”

“What’s that?”

“Oh. Um. Boy Scouts?” Your shoulders sagged. More heat at your face. Perhaps the strangest thing of all was the reminder that anything and everything familiar had been razed like a forest by Gilead’s flame. “They were like. A thing. Before…” 

“Never heard of them.” Ushar paused, and pivoted to the side. “Go ahead. Don’t be long.”

“Thank you.”

Pinching your lips between your teeth, you slipped outside, neglecting the stone pathway and cutting into the grass. The little blades were fuzzy at your feet, wedging between your toes, and the air cleaned your lungs, the sky a lonely galaxy beyond the hedges and the yard. Gold twinkle lightning bugs flickered between the flowers, hovered above the pond, the sole source of light outside of the sterling moon and stars. You peeked over your shoulder at your sentinel--but he was motionless, observing you in silence.

Your feet carried you past the bench into the mini-maze, catching sight of the birdfeeder, the bag of seed. The Marthas hadn’t gotten to it, yet--not that they would have had time to--and in its day and a half of neglect, the bag had toppled over, spewing seed onto the ground, the feeder abandoned in two pieces by its side. It seemed almost rude, now, to see this mess and decide it was a job for someone else. With a shrug, you strode over, heaved the bag onto its bottom and started scooping handfuls of tiny kernels, dumping them back in.

They spilled like water through your fingers, raining onto your feet and the dirt--you seemed no closer to your goal with the next scoop than you had with the one previous. Another one, and another, and still the seed scattered, palms empty before you reached the bag. Sighing, you gave up, choosing instead to grab the feeder and pop on its top. As you gathered both halves in your hands, the backdoor opened, and you froze. 

“Where is she.”

Your throat thickened. You dropped the feeder. He was here.

“She’s beyond the hedges, sir,” Ushar replied. “She just--”

Scuffing soles on stone cut him off, storming toward you--and you remained, unflinching. Even if you wanted to run, there was nowhere for you to go.

Kylo charged the corner into the maze, still dressed in black, his shirt unbuttoned low enough to expose his clavicles, which you hated to acknowledge. At the sight of you, he stalled, capturing you in his gaze, focusing on your figure, curves draped in your white nightgown, your breasts unbound, your hair wild vines over your shoulders. He swallowed, air rolling through him, attention drifting to your face. The muscle under his eye fluttered, his fists furled.

“You weren’t in your room.”

You knew hadn’t imagined it--the tremor in his voice, the quiver at his chin. He didn’t sound angry. He sounded scared.

“I couldn’t sleep.”

Kylo took a single step--the distance between you seemed at once too great and too smothering, and he stopped, drawing a long breath through his nose. He stared, held it, chest rising, then released it, hands relaxing as he exhaled. His gaze slid to the hedge, tracing the woven ropes of leaves through the trimmed branches, wandering to the grass and landing there. The crickets hummed in the void. You would’ve asked why he had headed to your room if he hadn’t made the answer so plain to your eyes.

“The first time we met here,” he began, “I said I wanted to know you.”

You offered a slight shrug. “We’ve definitely become more familiar.”

“I do know you.” He glanced up. “I know that there’s a part of you that wants to stay.”

“Really.” Frowning, you shifted on your feet, ignoring the warmth at your cheeks. “You know that.”

Kylo stole a step. “Yes.” Another, and another. “I do know that.” Two more, and his long legs had brought him within arm’s length, his pupils wide in the night. “Because there’s a part of me that wants to leave.”

Oxygen escaped you, and you shook your head, averting your gaze. Crackled embers glowed in your heart; given his hesitations, his strangled frustrations, and your own inability to find resolve, this had been a part of him you’d already known. But to hear it from his mouth, given life on his lips, it was palpable. Tangible. You met his eyes again, paralyzed by their power--they were endless, brimming with emotion even you yourself had never been asked to name. 

For a second, you forgot to speak, wondering how you could snatch this moment like spun glass in the air. Then you stepped closer, and grabbed his large, strong hand.

“Then why don’t we?” you murmured. “We can go. Just be. We can forget all of this.”

Kylo fled--for only a millimeter--before steeling himself, curling his hand around yours, and bringing it up to his face. He examined your thumb--now scabbed, but still sore, and stroked it with his own. Satisfied, he wove his fingers between yours, pulled you to his chest. 

“All of this,” he said, “is under my control, now. I can keep you safe.” His other hand cupped your cheek, fingers coasting over your skin. “Make you want for nothing.”

Staring into him, into the vortex of his gaze, you tried to swallow the thickening desire to admit the only thing you did not want him to know.

“You keep saying that,” you replied, tugging his hand from your face. “But as long as I’m in Gilead, I will never want for nothing.”

His hand squeezed yours. “There’s more I need to do.”

You shook your head again. “Well, even if you could make that happen--”

“I can.”

“Even if you could.” You unwound your grip from his, stepping away. “What about everyone else?” The Resistance, the car chase, Poe’s head, Snoke’s mansion, the dress, the party, Tera Jackson, the Widows, the Wives, Johana--all dangled above your brain, a broken mobile composed of the casualties of your affair. “It’s not enough, it’s not fair to change my life when it makes everyone else suffer,” you said. “Why not just live a life where you don’t have anything you need to change?”

He raised a brow, as if he hadn’t understood the question. “Because I need to.”

You sighed. “But why?”

Kylo’s gaze broke from yours, aiming beyond you as his tongue traced his teeth in thought. A soft exhale, and his attention returned. “The world was flawed, before Gilead.”

“Gilead has only made the world more flawed.”

He grumbled. “Do you understand what happens to those without direction?” he asked. “Without order?” You were silent, waiting for him to continue--he speared you with his stare. “Chaos.” A tension in his throat. “Suffering.”

“Those without direction…” Head tilting, you searched his face. Puzzle pieces shifted close, edges locking--his rage, the graveyard, his terror, his Wife’s own words. “If the world wasn’t flawed, you wouldn’t have been abandoned,” you said. “That’s what you think.”

His eye twitched, jaw rigid. “It made sense.” Blowing air through his nose, he paced around you, fingers curling in and out of fists. “Snoke made sense. At first.”  He huffed. “But he was just as flawed.” Steady and still, you watched him, watched his thoughts race through his mind, watched while he struggled to match them with words he had never had to speak.  “Only I understand the consequences of chaos. Only I have the capability to perfect this.”

It emptied you, his hopelessness, his resignation that the only way out of his depthless hatred was to drown it in a void of control. You knew another way--knew it was nested within the words you couldn’t say.

You sighed. “You think that will fix it?” you asked, folding your arms over your chest. “You think that will make you satisfied? More whole?”

Kylo rounded, shoulders pinned back, a predatory curve to his spine. “Were you satisfied with life before Gilead?” he asked. “The loneliness. The uncertainty.” He drew closer, trapping you in his gaze. “Falling asleep empty. Waking up in agony.” Inches from you, he clutched your shoulder, turning you toward him, brushing your hair to your back. “I know your life, little bird.” His hand pinched your chin, his tone tinged with ire. “I know it because it was mine.” 

Heat flashed through your spine. “It still is your life,” you growled, swatting his wrist and backing away, “you’re still miserable. And it’s still my life too, and it will be as long as you keep me!”

“You’re miserable,” he said, following you step for step. “You are the one who said you wanted all of me.” He was chasing you, stalking you as you retreated further into the maze, eyes rimmed gold in anguish. “And now you want to leave. Like everyone else.”

Your heart fractured. “Kylo--”

“I will end the Council if I need to.” He was black-winged in the moon’s shadow, a luminous Lucifer. “I will tear out every tongue that threatens your life if it will keep you here.”

A branch caught your sleeve, and you stumbled for only a moment, chin stiff. The threat was not hollow, but it was equally not wise. In his wrath, Kylo Ren did not believe there was a fight he could lose. In your sanity, you did not believe there was even a fight to be had.

“You can't do that. You know you can't.” A curly finger of the maze tugged you into the vines--you shrugged it off. “You know you won't be able to keep me safe forever.” There was no cease to his advance, no glimmer of cessation. “Johana is right.” The words flew from your mouth in a bid to convince him. “The Council won't stand by this. There's no such thing as divorce--”

“I don’t care.”

“--there’s no such thing as living with your Handmaid, I mean, do you expect us to get married--”

“I don’t care!”

Rapt in his gaze, you stumbled again, back flush with a wall of leaves, and Kylo consumed you, a silhouette against the sky, swallowing your sight. One hand grasped your wrist, the other pressed to your cheek, his palm smooth, your skin hot at his touch. You resisted the urge to melt into it.

“I want you,” he breathed, your name a ghost on his tongue. “I need you.” His lips trembled. “You are the only thing that makes sense.”

You were trembling too, quaking as you struggled to restrain the inevitability forming in your throat. Kylo Ren had been your Commander, the architect of your suffering. And he had been the only one in over three years to stir you, save you, see you--to care if you lived or died, to truly and genuinely desire not just your mouth, but the thoughts that came with it. 

He had found you. You didn’t want to be lost again.

“I want you, too.” You nuzzled his hand, and he led you closer. “I need you, too.”

Kylo gathered you against his body, the hand at your wrist sneaking to caress your back, his fingers carding through your hair. There was no vacancy in his eyes; they were flooded, overflowing with warmth, with worship. You felt it--the thump of that silver pulse, the genesis of a clandestine reality you wanted, with every screaming cell in your body, to speak into existence--felt its weight as an echo on his tongue. His lips parted, his focus falling over your face. 

Words would damn you. So you thrust your hands in his hair and pulled him into a kiss instead. 

He enveloped you, mouth meeting yours as if it’d been years, a tender groan cresting in his chest while his grip clung to you, seeking your flesh through cloth. Humming in bliss, you sketched over his scalp with your nails, basking when he gasped and shivered at your touch, your tongue slipping past his teeth and sliding over his own. He moaned into you, pressing you to his frame, breaking off only to kiss you again, lips touching once, twice, before his full, plush mouth massaged yours and his tongue returned. There was no fury, no primal insistence--Kylo cradled you and contained you, held you like a man who was terrified to lose you, terrified to let you go.

Soft lips skimmed yours, and he stepped between your legs, pressure digging the hedges into your back. You whimpered in shock--he stopped and snatched you to his heaving chest, seeking the origin of your pain. It almost made you laugh, this protective urge, when you still bore the bruises and bumps from the previous night. Grinning, you eased away, catching his face in your hand and forcing him to meet your gaze. His eyes swam, spinning oceans, eager and alive. Your breath hitched. It left your mouth without even trying.

“I don’t want to leave you,” you said. “Leave with me.”

Kylo paused--you could almost see his mind reeling--as he stared at you. His chest fell with dejected air, and he held you closer, tighter. A strong hand returned, cupping your face again. His head offered the tiniest shake.

“It’s too late.”

Your heart fractured further. “No, it’s not.”

His hold left you, then, comfort torn like skin from your bones when he stepped back. In summer air, you froze, icy without his embrace.

“What I’ve done…” He glanced to the side, pacing away, steps taking him a slow circle while he gazed into the corners of the mini-maze. “What I’ve done cannot be undone.” Looking back to you, the knot in his throat bobbed. “Even if I wanted it.” His hands clenched, unclenched, and he approached you again. “If I leave,” he said, “it won’t be with you. I will be arrested.” The severity in his expression petrified you. “Or I will be dead.”

Perhaps, in the back of your head, you’d always known this, always known that escape was not a simple solution for a Commander, and certainly not a man like Kylo Ren. But to hear him acknowledge it too, to seal himself to his own inexorable conclusion--it decimated you.

“Oh,” you said, as it was the only sound you could make for a moment. “War crimes.”

Kylo’s head dipped in acknowledgement. “Yes.” A pause, and he turned, thoughts cast across the yard, before swiveling back to you. “To stay is the only way,” he said. “For you to be mine.” He gestured to the garden. “For this to be ours.”

You frowned. “Ours?”

His hand dove into his pocket, plucked his wallet free. Stone-faced, he flipped it open, fished into the slot and produced a folded piece of paper, presenting it to you as an answer. Cocking a brow, you pinched an edge, looking between him and the little note as you unfolded it.

One corner was swathed in smooth, swooping ink, the opposite end festering with wobbly attempts at leaved-lines. In the middle, they met, blooming into a tiny Eden--beautiful, borne from the hallowed recognition that suffocated, unspoken between your mouths.

“Kylo…” Chin quivering, you suppressed a laugh. “You think,” you said, “after all of this, what I want is,  is… to what, control this with you?”

“No.” His tone was serious. Sincere. “You want freedom. You want me.” Stepping toward you, he took your hand, dwarfing it in his own. The heat of his body choked you. “But we don't get to choose what we're owed, little bird. Destiny decides it for us.” His attention flitted to you and the drawing. “I know what roles we are meant to fulfill. This is not just mine.” His gaze bored into you, chaining you in a plea. “It’s yours.”

Kylo Ren did not want to leave. He wanted you with him. In power. In whatever capacity he decided. 

The offer was not only disappointing, it was insulting. To think you would want to stay in a land where you’d watched women hang, to remain in a nation where, without him, you could never hope to survive. No matter what route you chose, with him, you lost. There would be no agency for you in a world where you reigned standing on cadavers. And for your child--there was no purity coming home to a burial ground. 

You glanced at the drawing, mapping it to memory, imagining it in his pocket while he met with Council members, ferreted threats, worked late into the night--pictured it tucked away at his hip in the Audi, stowed somewhere safe on the Buzzard when he was with his men. And your fractured heart splintered into scarlet shards.

Meeting his eyes, you shook him free, taking the sheet in two hands. Without a blink, you shredded it in half, layered it, ripped again. You caged him in your stare, unflinching, as you turned the paper into flakes, tear by tear, and littered them across the grass. Kylo watched, carved from redwood: large and flushed and eerily still, until his gaze dropped to the ground. He was speechless--and the inevitable words burgeoned, a tangled mass in your throat again. This time, you said them.

“I hate you.” 

His eyes snapped to yours, struck black with horror--but before he could think to respond, or you could take it back, you fled, sprinting through the maze with your nightgown hiked to your knees. 

There was no sound behind you, not even the crunch of boots, and you were grateful for it, grateful as you skipped past the pond and up the stone path, as Ushar veered to the side, as you pounded the halls and up the steps to the annex. You were grateful that you hated Kylo Ren, grateful that it would not hurt when you rended him from your heart, grateful that whatever route you chose, without him, you’d win.

It was gratitude, certainly, you felt when you opened the door to your room, an empty hole and empty bed. It was gratitude, too, that flooded you when you collapsed onto the mattress with a groan, and gratitude that stung your sight, flowed past your cheeks, stained your pillowcase. Thank God, thank God you hated Kylo Ren, thank God he was so easy to hate, thank God you would not ache when you left him behind, made a home without him, or gave birth to his child. 

A tiny knock on your door. You stopped, cries arrested in your chest, as you cranked your neck to the threshold. Were it not for this timid request for permission, you would’ve ignored it in belief it was the only person you did not want to see. Clearing your throat, you straightened and hopped onto your feet, wiping your face clear--not of tears, but gratitude--while you turned the knob and cracked it open an inch.

Johana, cloaked in a frilly blue robe, stood anxious in the hall. Her face twitched with fear, her eyes stark, her mouth tight. In silence, she held out her fist, and opened her palm. 

The switchblade.

[hockeylvr59]

Life Changes Part 6 || Paul Bissonnette

Summary: It’s crazy how quickly your life can change...one minute you’re a struggling personal injury lawyer and the next you’re working for one of the hottest sports podcasts to supplement your income. A new job and the end of a long-term relationship was just the beginning for Leigh Thompson when it comes to life changes. Thankfully she has the one and only Paul Bissonnette at her side to help her handle them all. 

Authors Note: Splitting this next segment up into at least two parts because otherwise, it will be insanely long (this part contains 2 of at least 6 events that I have in mind for this short span of time). I’d love to know what you think of this chapter, especially considering that Paul is very much present. Also please feel free to send me any songs that you think I should add to the series playlist. 

Requested: [ ] yes [x] no    Warnings: cursing.   Word Count: 2,865+ text convos

_____________________________________________________________

“True life is lived when tiny changes occur.” 

From the moment I’d been hired by the podcast, I’d been working on putting together all of the details for a Vegas trip for the NHL awards. Now, after months of hard work, everything was set for the guys to spend a week in Vegas. Our title sponsor for the trip was one of the many hotel-casinos who had reserved a 4 bedroom suite for the podcast hosts as well as a few standard rooms for the camera and production guys. Additionally, all of the media passes for the event were ready to go and I knew the boys had lined up quite a few guests. With everything set and the awards only a week away I was hoping to maybe be able to take a mini-vacation myself at home while they partied it up and got tons of content to last through the summer. 

It had been maybe an hour from when I sent the boys an email with all of the important details for the trip when my phone buzzed with an incoming text from Paul. 

______

So, because I lacked all capability to tell Paul Bissonnette ‘no’ when he asked me to do something, I was currently pulling my suitcase through the Vegas airport at almost midnight the night before the awards. Checking my phone I saw that Paul had texted me one message with the room number and which room in the suite was ours as well as another saying that the rest of the boys had gone out but that he’d be there when I got in. I had previously told him not to wait up for me and had even fought with him when he wanted to come to pick me up. It was completely ridiculous for him to even think about taking an Uber to the airport just to uber back to the hotel. 

Grabbing a cab, it wasn’t long before I had arrived at the hotel and after stopping at the front desk for a key to the room and to make sure the boys hadn’t had any problems with the reservations, I took the elevator upstairs and let myself into a dark and silent suite. Part of me had expected Paul to be up watching tv or something but it was too quiet for that. He’d said that we were staying in the first room on the right and so I quietly headed over, pausing in the doorway when my eyes caught sight of him. 

The only light in the room was coming from the open blinds letting in the city lights and Paul was sprawled out on the bed on his stomach fast asleep. The way the light and shadows highlighted the muscles of his naked back made my body react involuntarily and I took a deep breath trying not to gasp. Reminding myself that this was definitely just the pregnancy hormones getting the best of me, I slipped into the room and closed the door to the living room behind me. 

As quietly as I could, I hung my dress up in the wardrobe and got my pajamas and things for bed out of my suitcase before sneaking into the bathroom to get ready to go to sleep. It was beyond late and with the time change, I was exhausted. Paul was still taking up most of the bed when I stepped out of the bathroom and flipped off the light, using the flashlight on my phone to guide me across the room to close the curtains and then to the edge of the bed. Perched on what little bed was not occupied by a large man, I gently reached out and rubbed my hand over his back trying to stir him just enough that he’d roll over and make room. Getting no reaction I sighed. 

“Paul...are you actually gonna share the bed like you promised or am I stuck sleeping on the couch tonight?” I whispered. Rubbing his back once more I felt his muscles twitch and suddenly his body was moving, arm reaching out to take my hand and pull me into him. I couldn’t help but roll my eyes as I settled into his embrace, his solid chest pressed into my back. As his body shifted to surround me further, the hand that had grabbed mine moved to drape over my waist. 

We’d snuggled like this before, but back then I didn’t have a 21-week baby bump protruding from my front. It was clear that in his sleepy state he expected what he was used to before because the moment his arm didn’t drape the way he expected he froze against me. A change in his breathing signaled that he was now actually awake and his hand gently caressed my stomach for a moment. 

“Holy shit Leigh…” His sleep laden voice murmured from behind me. “You...that’s...I didn’t...wow.” Shaking my head at him a little I rolled onto my back so that I could look over at him. As I shifted, Paul reached over to tap the bedside light on, allowing us to actually see each other. 

“It’s called a baby bump Paul...this is kinda what happens when you’re pregnant and the baby starts to get bigger. There’s only so much space in there for the baby to grow otherwise.” His gaze was dark and lazy as our eyes met before he swept a look up and down my body taking in the changes that he’d missed due to living on separate sides of the country. 

“I knew that…” He declared, glaring at me softly. “I just...I don’t know. I haven’t seen you in a few months and I don’t know why but I wasn’t expecting you to be showing. Not like this.” I knew he wasn’t implying that I was fat or anything, just that his brain hadn’t actually processed the changes that my body would undergo during pregnancy. 

“Not so easy to hide anymore huh?” I questioned and he nodded but his eyes hadn’t left my stomach, nor had his hand. 

“Fuck...I...are you okay with me touching?” He asked at least being conscious enough to know that women frequently complained about people touching their bellies. It was clear that he wanted to touch and explore. To make the connection between the baby that we so frequently talked about and how said baby currently existed inside me. Smiling over at him I nodded, though he wasn’t looking and therefore didn’t see it. 

“Go for it,” I assured him. “You are one of the few people I think I can put on my approved bump touch list.” I teased. Part of me had at least expected him to crack a smile at that but I don’t think he was paying attention to my words since the second I gave him permission to touch. 

The way his strong fingers grazed over my belly so gently caused a shiver to run up my spine and I just watched him for a moment before closing my eyes and relaxing. For a few minutes, he just caressed and pressed his palm to my stomach before his fingers dipped down to the edge of my shirt. Peeking up at him I could see the adoration in his eyes as he looked at the way my body had adapted to growing the little boy or girl inside of me. I felt blessed to know that he already loved this baby so much even though he had no real reason to and it made me want to give him as much as I could so far as letting him bond with the baby went. 

“Here…” I breathed, rolling just slightly to adjust my shirt so that it rested just under my breasts, exposing the skin of my stomach to him, stretch marks and all. I knew that touching through clothes was one thing but letting him see the way that my skin had stretched, and letting him touch without that barrier in the way was something else entirely. 

Paul’s hand quickly found its way back to the bump and when he looked up at me again his eyes were moist with tears. Meeting his gaze with concern, I reached over to brush my thumb against his cheek. 

“Sorry.” He mumbled, his body leaning into my touch as much as I had his earlier. “I just...this is incredible. I...I didn’t expect that this would affect me so much.” It was totally understandable for him to have that reaction and I did my best to communicate that to him without words. My own voice was stuck in my throat seeing him get emotional over something that I’d personally gotten used to because it was my new normal. “You...I hope you know that you were beautiful before...but you’re absolutely gorgeous like this. Pregnancy suits you.” The intent behind his words confused me but he was so sure of them that I couldn’t help the flush that came over my entire body. Catching my breath after a moment I glanced over at the alarm clock beside the bed. 

“So...can we go to sleep now...because it’s the middle of the night back home and being pregnant is exhausting.” My words seemed to snap Paul out of his trance. 

“Fuck...of course. I...goodnight Leigh.” His words were spoken with a soft kiss to my temple, but before I could attempt to roll over, Paul had shifted, leaning over me. “Goodnight dustbunny.” He added and for a split second his lips were pressed against my stomach before he was laying back down beside me, a sheepish look on his face. “Didn’t want baby to feel left out.” He mumbled before switching the light back off so that we could all get some sleep. 

Tucked back against his chest, I was nearly off to dreamland when I heard him whisper softly into the room. “I’m here for whatever you and your mama need dustbunny...that’s a promise.” 

__________________________

When I woke the next morning, Paul was still passed out beside me. Gingerly, I slid out of his arms needing first to use the bathroom and then to get some food before the baby decided to protest. After taking care of my bladder needs and slipping on a pair of shorts, I quietly opened the door to the living room wondering if the boys had any food in the kitchen or if they’d eaten out for every single meal since arriving in Vegas. 

Padding softly through the living room around to the little kitchen in the suite, I could hear RA and Grinnell talking softly from over by the patio doors. When I arrived in the kitchen I found a couple of small boxes of cereal as well as a small bottle of milk in the minifridge. Pouring myself a bowl of cereal, I rubbed the remaining sleep from my eyes before moving back to lean against the counter dividing the kitchen and living space while I ate. It was only then that I addressed the crew’s oldest host and our production manager by saying good morning. 

Both quickly returned my greeting but didn’t look over at me right away. However, upon finishing their conversation, they turned to me and it was comical to see the double-take that Mikey did when his eyes saw me. 

“What the fuck is that?” He asked only to be scolded by RA murmuring a ‘dude…’ in his direction. Swallowing the bite of cereal I’d put into my mouth I started laughing at how thrown these two grown men seemed at the sight of a pregnant woman. 

“Um...surprise?” I stated, trying to downplay things in order to not generate a large reaction. 

“Why didn’t Biz fucking tell us he’s gonna be a dad?” Mikey exclaimed, visibly getting worked up and speaking without really thinking about his words. Again RA tried to get him to shut up for a minute but he continued to rant for a moment about how ‘this was a big deal’ and ‘since when did Biz keep secrets like this….’ 

“Michael Grinnell...will you shut up for a minute?” I declared, setting my now empty bowl down on the counter. “Biz didn’t tell you that he’s gonna be a dad because he’s not…” I immediately motioned for him to let me continue but before I could, a voice sounded from my left.

“How far along do you think she is dumbass?” Ryan Whitney chirped as he made his way into the kitchen for his own breakfast. His lack of reaction to what he’d just walked into caught me off guard for a moment before I turned to look at him. 

“How long have you known?” I asked accusatorily.  He at least had the courtesy to look guilty as he mumbled that I probably already knew the answer to that. Carding my fingers through my hair, I sighed and shook my head. “You’ve known as long as Paul has…” I was slightly annoyed by that and it clearly showed on my face causing Whit to backpedal. 

“I didn’t know know…” He explained. “Yes...Biz texted me asking if you being sick the way you were was normal and the suspicion was kind of unspoken. He never actually told me that you were though...it was just pretty obvious when the two of you posted scenic pictures when I knew he was taking you to the doctors’. If it was a bug you would have been in bed resting, long drive implies a distraction and it wasn’t hard to figure out from that, that his suspicions had been right.” I couldn’t really be angry about the fact that he’d deduced it based on information obtained before anyone knew for certain that I was pregnant. “Plus...Biz has been different the past few months and it’s pretty obvious why…” He added, gesturing toward my stomach. 

“So….if Biz isn’t the dad…” Mikey jumped back into the conversation, his expression suggesting that he’d been thinking a little too hard about all of this. Suddenly his eyes went wide. “Oh...shit.” He murmured like it had all hit him at once. Needing to take control of the situation back I placed a hand on my stomach, taking a deep breath. 

“Yes. I’m pregnant. No, we’re not talking about the whole paternity situation. Yes, Paul and evidently Whit have known for a few months. I didn’t tell my parents until last month and I’m not ready to go fully public with an announcement yet which is why I hadn’t said anything. Now, if we can just move on...that would be wonderful.” 

Thankfully Whit was able to distract RA and Grinnell with a discussion of setting up for the interviews they were recording before the awards tonight and I was able to slip back to the bedroom, suddenly feeling like I needed a nap even though I’d just woke up. 

I’d been staring out the window, trying to clear my mind and decide what I wanted to do until I had to start getting ready when a pair of arms wrapped around my waist and I was pulled back into a firm chest. 

“You okay?” Paul asked, his fingers once again rubbing gentle circles over the expanse of my stomach. Leaning into him I nodded and just focused on his touch and soothing presence. 

“The boys know.” I eventually whispered and I could feel him chuckle softly. 

“I mean...I kind of figured...it only takes one look at you like this.” Feeling his lips press against my hair I sighed. “Plus I could hear Grinnell freaking out. Are you okay with the cat being out of the bag so to speak?” Shrugging I sighed but didn’t say anything. I kind of had to be okay, though it did again bring the fear of the world finding out tonight on national tv to the front of my mind. I could only pray that the dress I’d found would do a sufficient job of hiding my growing stomach in the way that a pair of shorts and a clingy tank top couldn’t. 

Spinning me around Paul pulled me into a hug. We stood like that for a few minutes before there was a knock on the bedroom door with RA calling out that Paul needed to get his ass into gear so they could get started. When he pulled back reluctantly, he kissed the top of my head. 

“I’ll be fine...go,” I assured him. “Dustbunny and I are just gonna lay back down for a little while. I’ll set an alarm to wake me in a couple hours so I can start getting ready for tonight.” 

With one more caress of my bump, Paul retreated to the living room to work and I slipped back into bed, pulling his pillow from his side of the bed to cuddle. With sounds of laughter coming from the next room I quickly drifted off to sleep, hoping that I would wake up more excited for the awards than I currently felt. 

No Social Media for this Chapter. 

[artschoolfreddie]

... and be strong. (Roger)

a/n: here it is...... the last installment of my mini series All God’s People. thank you to everyone who read the other parts and thank you to everyone who shared them!!!! i appreciate it all very much. i have other ideas for writing so this definitely won’t be the last of me. anyway this one is kind of sad again, sorry about that. nevertheless, i hope you all enjoy it and please let me know what you think!!!!!!

warnings: implied abuse, no detail; rog trying to comfort

The yelling continued. It had been about an hour since they started, and another since they just started arguing. It didn’t happen too often, but when it did, it got out of control. They would tell him and his sister to go to their rooms. Roger liked to think he was just overreacting, overthinking about the situation, but deep down he knew. He knew what was really happening downstairs. The yelling, things falling, being knocked down, the eventual slam of the door, then the deafening silence that immediately followed. Sometimes, he heard faint, stifled sobs, either from his mom or his sister, he could never really tell.  He didn’t like to think about it too much, but it always crept back up into the forefront of his mind. Sometimes, he couldn’t take it and started crying too. It was usually when everyone was asleep, hours after the argument, or whenever his dad eventually came back drunk out of his mind. His dad would pass out almost immediately, and once he could hear his snores, Roger started crying, trying hard to be as quiet as possible.

That wasn’t the case tonight, though. Although it wasn’t the worst argument, it was different. He wasn’t sure how, but he knew it was. He quietly sneaked into his sister’s room, checking to see if she was awake. Of course, she was, and there were tears in her eyes, visible in the dim moonlight. Roger quietly closed the door and made his way to his sister and sat next to her on her bed. He put his arm around her and she immediately sunk into him, desperately seeking comfort. He hugged her tightly as he whispered to her.

“It’s okay, Clare. We’ll be okay.” She sniffed and sobbed lightly, trying to believe her big brother’s words.

“How do you know that, Rog? It’s been like this for forever.”

“I know, but things will change soon enough.” At this point, Roger wasn’t just trying to convince her. That’s what they always say, that they’ll change, but they don’t. Roger was being way too hopeful, but it was the only way that he could continue. He had to believe it at least a little bit to tell her sister. He had to be hopeful and be strong for her and their mom, who probably needed it the most. If he was feeling this bad just hearing what was happening, he couldn’t imagine what it was like for her.

“Go to sleep, it’s okay.” Roger reassured his sister and went back to his room when she got settled in bed. In the hallway, he took a peek down the hallway and into the dining room, where his mom was sitting, crying. Roger put on his brave face and started walking towards her. She liked to be alone after an argument, but Roger still had a strong feeling that this time was different for everyone. He needed to talk to her and reassure her that everything will be okay.

“Hey mum.” Roger started, but everything he quickly rehearsed left his brain in a matter of seconds. He was at a loss for words. What could he possibly say to her? She quickly looked up as he continued to make his way towards her.

“Go to your room, Rog, it’s late.” She sniffled, trying to compose herself quickly. Roger kept walking towards her until he was hugging her tightly.

They stayed quiet, just taking in each other’s company. Seeing his mom like this just made everything worse for Roger, but he knew he couldn’t show it. He had to stay strong.

So, that’s what he did. He held her for what felt like hours, as they sat together in silence. He wasn’t going to let this happen again, but he didn’t know how. He would just have to keep being strong and look out for his family. The only thing Roger really knew is that he couldn’t – and wouldn’t – let anyone hurt them or anyone he cared about again.

-------

taglist: @seven-seas-of-ham-on-rhye​

[askbittyerror]

Wedding RP part 4

with-bells-upon09/27/2020 "...with Campan, we couldn't find a partner for them with an opposing aura. Needed a positivity bab who could find with their negative aura." "We. Came very close to running out of time. After a year, the bonding can't happen, and their magic, and health, become permanently weakened." "...we were lucky enough to run into a young paladin, Dandelion. He agreed to come home with us, with his brother." "..." "Okay, technically his brother stowed away when we tried to leave, but- it worked out."

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 "Then as soon as we get back, mission find grandbaby a partner is a go." Magnus says decisively, the others nodding.(edited)

with-bells-upon09/27/2020 "-needs to be less than a year too, though." Bells warns softly, "Lady Dame doesn't generally adopt out bitties that young to anyone."

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 "I'm sure she'll make an exception, this once." Paladin says. "We just need to find the right bitty for that to be feasible."

salty darkness09/27/2020 A soft sound. "We could arrange something with her, then. For the sake of our child." Greylu is quiet for a few moments. "..." He opens the last letter.

with-bells-upon09/27/2020 His new spouse lays a light hand against his shoulder- -then. Tries to peek as well.

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 The paper is lined, ripped straight from a notebook. The writing is sloppy, and, at least to Bells, something they have seen once before. It's a handmade coupon, in pencil.

One (1) convenient plot device.  Rip up and say what you want to redeem. Use it well.  -V(edited)

with-bells-upon09/27/2020 "..." "..." "Uh. I'll, take that. Please."

salty darkness09/27/2020 "..." Greylu hands it to Bells. "What the fuck is this??"

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 "It was meant for you anyway", appears on the page before quickly being erased.

salty darkness09/27/2020 Greylu makes a vaguely loud noise of fear.

with-bells-upon09/27/2020 "..." "Lets call it asker stuff, and maybe leave it at that, please? Fourth wall things are, uh, vaguely brain breaking to people not inclined to them." This is the second time they've been left notes by this V...

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 "ASDFFJS wheeze"

salty darkness09/27/2020 Louder noises of concern and definitely fear. [5:51 PM] Very, very scared goop.

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 "Communicating like this was a great idea, I'm having a fucking blast!"

with-bells-upon09/27/2020 "...Imma just tuck this away," they stash it in their inventory, before turning back to their beloved. no. no more scaring their hubby.

salty darkness09/27/2020 "..." "Beloved. It was sentient. That was a sentient paper. What the actual fuck was that thing."

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 Paper based pouting. Fresh seems to be glaring at where the note was.

with-bells-upon09/27/2020 "...it's basically a superpowered m!a. useful for Dame's bitty shop verse. and, no, it was just long distance communication via writing." by a creator. "someone has a sense of humor, and the resources to play with it."

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 Fresh huffs and nuzzles Bells. The other bitties look confused. "...yes. That."

salty darkness09/27/2020 Greylu still looks disturbed. "..." "Is it? Dangerous?"

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 Fresh growls, hiding his face.

with-bells-upon09/27/2020 "..." They lay a hand against his chest, meeting their husband's gaze. "Think of it as a gift from a mischevious god-type you'll never meet. The gift itself isn't necessarily dangerous. But where it came from? Was already there, and will still be there, gift or no."

salty darkness09/27/2020 "..." Greylu sighs, looking away. "Alright. But if this 'god type' even thinks about harming our children? I'm going to personally see that they suffer for it."

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 In their inventory, the paper giggles.

with-bells-upon09/27/2020 They kiss his cheek softly. "Because you're a good father. Now c'mon, enjoy being married beloved."

salty darkness09/27/2020 The married goop nods, moving to kiss back- -and a tendril moves to stab at the paper, despite it being technically not present via the laws of inventories. As you do.

with-bells-upon09/27/2020 ...pap. "no, lover." they deny gently. [6:06 PM] "no actively picking fights with gods if we can avoid it."(edited)

salty darkness09/27/2020 "..." "It laughed at me."

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 And it is continuing to do so.

with-bells-upon09/27/2020 "...beloved? it's a piece of paper. a way to communicate. stabbing it would be about as effective as breaking a phone." "and. It may be useful. sometimes it's better to have such magic on your side."

salty darkness09/27/2020 Greylu is definitely growling. Growly goop. Look at this goop and his anger. "..." "It's very blatantly not on my side."

with-bells-upon09/27/2020 "...no." a brief kiss, and a low purr, adding softly, "but I am. okay?"

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 The paper is just having the best time, honestly.

salty darkness09/27/2020 The goop is just having the worst time, honestly. [6:10 PM] "...okay."

with-bells-upon09/27/2020 Much rumbles... happy lich. Soft kiss. "...now. we are really late cutting the cake."

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 Fresh focuses, his neons dimming. The paper huffs, laughs again, and falls silent.

with-bells-upon09/27/2020 a pause, and a nuzzle for Fresh, adding, "and thank you for that. I know you really don't like dealing with fourth wall stuff. I'm, not gonna ask if they're always like that? but thank you."

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 "No prob, brah." Fresh smiles weakly, nuzzling them back. "And yeah, thats... thats pretty much his norm."

salty darkness09/27/2020 Greylu looks up at the gathering of people near the cake, barely holding back laughter. "We should head up there, shouldn't we? People are probably getting impatient."

with-bells-upon09/27/2020 A chuckle, nodding. "Probably. Hungry people are grumbly people, after all." "...grumblier than usual, anyway."

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 "Food!" Mercury flings up his arms with a overly happy noise.

salty darkness09/27/2020 "...alright then. Let's go." Greylu hums, walking over to the cake, and the gathering there.

with-bells-upon09/27/2020 Bells follows, as well as Blue, who... well, they're just going to focus on cake, because processing the fact that there's another creator interested in the bittyverse? Yeah. That can wait.

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 The bitties, well, they're just along for the ride.

with-bells-upon09/27/2020 The cake is, well, about what would likely be expected for the cake at a wedding between a lich and a corrupted guardian. That is to say, chocolate. Several layers of chocolate, with a deceptively bright layer of white buttercreme frosting, hot fudge drizzled over the entire thing in thick dark 'tendrils,' with candied mint leaves and candied blackberries lain in ornamental patterns across the surface. ...the toppers? are obvious. right?

salty darkness09/27/2020 Greylu licks his non-existent lips, a tendril carefully moving to pap the little Bells topper on the head. "...so. Are we cutting this thing, or what?"

with-bells-upon09/27/2020 "damn right we are," they murmur, casting a fond look at the cute little Greylu topper. "...let me just remember where I put the cake knife..."

salty darkness09/27/2020 "..." Greylu holds out his hand, and, in a small flash of light, a glowing blue trident poofs into existence. "..." "Improvise?"

with-bells-upon09/27/2020 "..." they might grin just a bit. "As long as youve cleaned it since the last time you used it? "Hell yes." What better way to enjoy their wedding cake?

salty darkness09/27/2020 The husband smiles.

Tendrils move to gently pick up the toppers, setting them aside. He brings the trident down- gently- onto the cake, slicing it clearly in two. There is now chocolate all over his perfectly good weapon. Oh well.

with-bells-upon09/27/2020 "..." there is a trace of mischief in their eye, as they consider reaching for the trident to... help clean it off. with their first taste of cake. no. bad lich. "...nicely done."

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 Mercury may be starry eyed. He wants to learn to do that!

salty darkness09/27/2020 Greylu hums, picking up the toppers. He hands the mini version of himself to Bells, studying their topper for a moment, running a tendril over the new wedding ring on his hand.

"...do I have to cut it into slices for everyone, or-?"

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 "We just need like one slice, like collectively." Magnus says. "Speak for yourself, brah." Fresh grins. "I can eat halfa one on my own."(edited)

with-bells-upon09/27/2020 "I think we're mostly supposed to cut our own slices, but- probably a good idea. Then we can sneak slices to our kiddos too."

salty darkness09/27/2020 "Hmm. Okay then." Greylu huffs, cutting a slice out of the lowest layers of the cake. "Can someone get a plate, or-"

There's a small flash of light- and glitches- and the slice is promptly snatched out of Greylu's hands. He yelps, tendrils swiping at the interloper, but the thief is already gone.

"..." "Fuck. There goes the first piece." [9:01 PM] There is the not-so-distant sound of a bluebird being way too smug and proud of himself.

with-bells-upon09/27/2020 "..." "How I didn't see that coming, I haven't got a clue." They mutter. "Hey, Mercury? Are all my brothers impossibly impressive thieves, or just those two?"

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 "I am absolutely full of crimes!" Mercury giggles.

with-bells-upon09/27/2020 Bells stares for a full second, then gestures at Mercury, an exasperated expression on their face. "See? How am I supposed to be annoyed when they're so fricking adorable about it?!"

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 Mercury purrs and nuzzles them.

salty darkness09/27/2020 "Mmm-hmm." Greylu brings his trident down once more, hesitates, glances around... and offers a slice to the bitties. "Just for that, you all get second bite."

with-bells-upon09/27/2020 Bells seems to approve! Blue is hiding their face against the beloved on their shoulder, trying not to laugh. Okay, they're starting to see the resemblance now...

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 The bitties take the plate via a careful amalgamation of tentacles, wings and little hands, tearing off chunks and passing it around with many thank yous.

with-bells-upon09/27/2020 Greylu gets a soft kiss on his cheek, as they lich smiles, holding his cake topper close. "Now, want to get enough to share with the kids, and let everyone else fight over what's left?"

salty darkness09/27/2020 Greylu smiles, tilting his head. "Yes. Gladly." He starts cutting up the cake, tendrils flicking back and forth as he works.

with-bells-upon09/27/2020 "...i love that man." they whisper to Fresh, watching their husband cut the cake. husband. husband. what an enormously amazing word.

salty darkness09/27/2020 Their husband eventually has several carefully-cut slices of cake, darkness curling around to deliver them all around the fields. Luckily, there's still plenty of yummy goodness left. "Done. Beloved? You want a piece?"

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 “Eh, he’s alright.” Fresh chuckles, nuzzling Bells.

with-bells-upon09/27/2020 "I'd love you. Uh... one. Cake. love to." ...crap. they're blushing again.(edited)

salty darkness09/27/2020 "..." Blushing goop. Blushing goop.exe has crashed. Blushing goop definitely does not know how to respond to this.

with-bells-upon09/27/2020 Bells wishes they still had their hood to hide under. That. Was a great thing to say in front if their mom and new dad and Fresh and- "I. Cake. Please."

salty darkness09/27/2020 Greylu stammers, tendrils wagging and twitching back and forth as he fumbles to grab a slice. "I- um- yeah. No problem. Yeah." The largest piece so far- actually, it may just straight-up be the entirety of one of the upper sections of the cake- is handed to Bells.

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 "Reminds me of us." Magnus laughs, nuzzling Blue.

with-bells-upon09/27/2020 Blue? Admittedly trying not to smile. "- guess a taste for nightmares runs in the family." they agree, nuzzling back.

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 Magnus blushes. "Yeah..."

with-bells-upon09/27/2020 Bells accepts the slice... sneaks a quick kiss, and whispers a thank you. ...that is a lot of cake. they're okay with this.

salty darkness09/27/2020 Greylu steps away from the cake, still blushing. "..." A tendril tugs Bells close to him. "Can we talk for a moment? Uh- alone?"

with-bells-upon09/27/2020 a nod, wordless, letting him lead the way... managing to get their blush under control. Sort of. Okay, not at all.

salty darkness09/27/2020 The goop walks a little ways away from Blue and the bitties, leaning down to whisper in Bells' ear. "...when are we having the honeymoon, anyway?"

with-bells-upon09/27/2020 "...depends. do you want to wait until we manage to chase everyone out? or find someone to babysit, and sneak out?"

salty darkness09/27/2020 "Mmm.." Greylu huffs. "The first one, personally. I assumed your scientist or our respective siblings were going to watch our children."

with-bells-upon09/27/2020 "...that's certainly the hope." they agree. starting to say something else- -they stop. and after a moment, prompt quietly, "how was, Cross doing?"

salty darkness09/27/2020 "..." Greylu looks away. "Fine, mostly. I... didn't tell him, yet. About Twilight."

with-bells-upon09/27/2020 "...I just meant about the wedding." They admit, taking his hands... hand, the other occupied with much cake. "I know... us being together, has caused him pain."

salty darkness09/27/2020 "..." "He's okay with it. As long as I'm happy."

with-bells-upon09/27/2020 "..." They nuzzle his cheek, and squeeze his hand. "-yeah. he's... good."

salty darkness09/27/2020 "...good.." Greylu is quiet for a moment. "..." "Where are we going for the honeymoon, anyway?"

with-bells-upon09/27/2020 "..." "I haven't a clue, honestly. Im guess you want to stay in your own multiverse though?" September 28, 2020

salty darkness09/28/2020 "...perferably, yes..." An amused sound. "I suppose we could always just have it right here. Probably make good use of... some of our gifts."

with-bells-upon09/28/2020 "...i may have finished rooms for, you know, the kids... and us~" they admit, 'innocently.' "I really should show you while youre here~"

salty darkness09/28/2020 "Oh hell yes~" Greylu pauses, skull dusting blue as he realizes that it's... probably not appropriate to talk like that in semi-public. "Ahem. Uh. Yes. I would love to, spouse."

with-bells-upon09/28/2020 ...ah. yes. their family was sort of, just over- aaaand Fresh. Blue may be trying not to look amused and embarrassed at the same time, not horribly put off by this, but Bells looks like someone caught trying to swipe the last cookie. "...um. I, would like to show... my new husband around a bit. if you wouldn't mind-"

salty darkness09/28/2020 The goopking hides his face in his hands, tendrils curling around himself. He seems... very much flustered and embarrassed.

with-bells-upon09/28/2020 (( @Askbittyerror if bitties want to react))

Askbittyerror09/28/2020 Fresh snorts and nuzzles Bells. "Alright, brah." He opens his wings. "You kids have fun." He gives Greylu a wink then flies back over to Blue. [11:36 AM] Fresh nudges Magnus when he gets back, whispering to him. "YOU KIDS HAVE FUN!" Magnus yells, Fresh immediately descending into hysterics.

salty darkness09/28/2020 This does not improve Greylu's flustered-ness. If anything, it's even worse now.

Askbittyerror09/28/2020 The two gremlins are very proud of themselves.

with-bells-upon09/28/2020 Bright, bright blushing. Bells covers their face with one hand for a few seconds, Huffing as they grab their hubby's hand with the other, and physically draw him away from their family, managing a nearly audibly offered 'plan to, thanks.'

salty darkness09/28/2020 Tendrils curl around Bells' arm as they pull Greylu away, squeezing and clinging all the while. The goop is definitely still blushing.

with-bells-upon09/28/2020 yeah, they just, excuse themself, making a beeline for the nearest exit, and only stopping once they were on the other side. "..." "That's normal, right?"

salty darkness09/28/2020 He leans down, pressing a kiss against his spouse's cheek. "...absolutely not, but I love you anyway."

with-bells-upon09/28/2020 "...that's fair." their smile manages to return a little, as they motion the door shut behind them. "C'mon. Your room is upstairs. Most are."

salty darkness09/28/2020 Greylu fiddles with his ring, nodding as the blush finally fades from his skull. "...I love you. Have I said that enough today? I love you."

with-bells-upon09/28/2020 The lich watches him, a softness to their expression. A light hand lays against his cheek, the one bearing their own wedding band. "You managed that with three words, beloved. When you said, 'Yes. I do.'" They lean in to kiss him softly, adding in a whisper, "but you can tell me a thousand more times, I promise. I won't complain." "...I love you too."

salty darkness09/28/2020 A tendril moves up to brush against the lich's hand, curling around their ring finger. He closes his eyes, pressing back into the kiss with a small, happy purr. "...then I love you. I love you, I love you, and most importantly, I love you~"

with-bells-upon09/28/2020 Happy, happy lich purrs. "Forever, and ever, and ever, I love you~" another soft kiss, and another- - and, then it occurs to them that they're still standing in the stairwell. "...rooms?"

salty darkness09/28/2020 "..." "Do we have to?"

with-bells-upon09/28/2020 "...you, uh, want to... on the stairwell... right outside the wedding party?"

salty darkness09/28/2020 A pause. "..." "Alright, point taken. Rooms it is."

with-bells-upon09/28/2020 A twitch of a smile, and they catch him lightly by a tendril, leading up. "Used to be I could cheat with the stairs, move between a dozen floors eas... but I got rid of those, so we're gonna have to hoof it, beloved."

salty darkness09/28/2020 The tendril curls around their arm, squeezing as he follows. "I don't mind. It means I get to admire you while we go."

with-bells-upon09/28/2020 a rumble of pleased, as they lead the way. it's a good three flights... no.. seven... okay, apparently nine. they don't seem to notice, leaning against him, nuzzling and purring.

salty darkness09/28/2020 Greylu leans back, running his hand along the wall. Blackberry kisses are pressed all along their face, tendrils wrapping around to hug and squeeze and- -whoops. He's tripped and fallen down a few of the stairs. Oh well.

with-bells-upon09/28/2020 "...!" Bells hurries after him, alarmed, and tries to help him yo his feet. A shaky sound, not quite a laugh. "Okay, maybe we should wait until we actually reach the rooms..."

with-bells-upon09/28/2020 Then they freeze, eyes going wide- -look once at Greylu? And teleport away. ...feels like panic-

salty darkness09/28/2020 "..." Greylu pushes himself to his feet, ignoring the buzzing in his pocket. "What-" Then he freezes up, and growls. ...and follows.

[jungwoohoos]

uni!jungkook

genre: fluff

word count: 2.1k

you can’t throw a ball to save your life, but being on a volleyball team with jungkook makes you really want to try

You thought Saehyun was drunk when she first asked you to join her intramural volleyball team

But after some tests--”you know I can’t walk in a straight line even when I’m sober, WHICH I AM”, you figured out she wasn’t drunk

And you were even more confused

Because she’s seen how uncoordinated you are when it comes to your eyes and limbs communicating

One time at a barbecue, you somehow managed to fall into the KanJam bucket when going for the frisbee

The frisbee ended up veering off course and hitting your niece in the head

You had to bribe her with an unlimited supply of mint chocolate chip ice cream for her to stop crying

And there was that other time you asked to borrow a pen from Gyeongsuk and got poked in the eye

He’s on the basketball team so it wasn’t like he mistakenly aimed for your face

It just somehow...landed right in your eye

If Saehyun had asked you to join her team, you knew she had to have been desperate

You went back and forth for a little bit

“Saehyun, you know what I’m like with limb eye coordination. I’m going to dismember myself before the first game even happens”

“But, but” 

She gives you that look, eyes big and mouth pouty, hands clasped in earnest right below her chin

She gave you the spiel about it being one of her biggest life goals, to be captain of an intramural volleyball team

With her little frown and puppy eyes, you had already made up your mind

“I’ll send you the hospital bill after the season’s over” you mumbled into her shoulder when she crushed you into a hug

The bill was coming a lot sooner than you thought 

You had already gotten hit twice in the head

You weren’t even trying to do anything--you were just standing there??

There must be some sort of gravitational pull toward the center of your head

You tucked yourself into the corner after suffering those two mini concussions

4 other people from the team were tossing the ball around

You wanted to stay in your safe zone a little longer before putting yourself in danger for a full game

Saehyun comes over a few minutes later, and you have to swat her flitting hands

“I’m fine I’m fine, stop, stop” and her flailing arms finally take their place at her sides

The game’s about to start in 5 minutes, so you start walking towards center court

“Oh!! I forgot to tell you. Jungkook, that guy from my tech drawing class, is coming. You’ll like him. He’s cute :))” 

“Ugh yes, I knew there was some legitimate reason as to why I’m sacrificing my life to join this team”

She just flicks your arm and keeps on walking

You’re intrigued though because when Saehyun says someone’s cute, they’re usually pretty cute

Although you kinda had someone in mind

Coffee Thottie

Saehyun gagged every time you said that, but she’s never seen him get up to throw his garbage away

He is a certified thicc hottie

He’s typically tucked away in the corner of one of your favorite coffee shops

Sometimes he’s doodling on napkins and other times it’s nicer drawing paper

You’ve never gotten the chance to sneak a peek because you get too nervous

You two kinda know each other because you’re regulars

So he’ll always give you a little smile when he sees you

His eyes crinkle up, and his cheeks squish together

And his hair falls into his eyes when he’s drawing

No matter how long he’s been there for, he always cleans up his stuff and moves if he sees someone older walk in

And there was that one time when you spilled tea all over your shirt because he stretched his arm behind his head and his bicep bunched up

You were able to furiously dab at it before it stained too much, but it was too late because you were warm from seeing him and your chest was burning from your tea

You knew nothing would ever happen because you don’t even know his name or if he’s in school

So you just let yourself enjoy Coffee Thottie because it made your days much more bearable

The refs started gathering everyone toward the net to explain the rules

Just a lot of jargon you didn’t understand, but you were a valued member of this team now so you nodded like everything made sense to you

You saw someone walking toward the group out of the corner of your eye, but he settled somewhere behind you so you couldn’t see who it was

After the coin toss, which Saehyun won, everyone started getting into their spots

Saehyun had planned where everyone was going to be to maximize play efficiency

She put you in the back left corner for those “tight hits”

Mostly because only 4% of the hits ever came that way

You were fixing your way when you heard your name being called

“Jungkook’s going to be right next to you, so don’t worry!! He’s very athletic!!”

You made sure your hair was out of your face before turning to your right

Oh

My 

God

It’s Coffee Thottie

Jungkook is Coffee Thottie

Your brain short-circuited, and you prayed that you weren’t drooling, but Coffee Thottie was standing next to you with a surprised look on his adorable face

And he was wearing shorts, which you had never seen him wear before

Thottie yes he was

He sticks out his hand, which snaps you back to reality, and you fumble a bit before you take it in yours

His hand completely envelops yours, and you’re pretty sure you can stay like this forever

He gives a small smile (only minimal eye crinkling, sad) and introduces himself

After you exchange names, you both interrupt each other

“You go to Green Bean rig--”

“You’re always drawing in Green Be--”

You both laugh and nod, confirming each others’ thoughts

You hear the whistle blow, and Saehyun yells for everyone to get in formation

“I hope you’re good at volleyball because I think Saehyun will go on strike if we lose because of me” you say before scooting to your spot

There’s a little tinkle of laughter from him

Hehehehe

Oh boy, you know you’re done for

The game honestly doesn’t go too poorly

Putting Jungkook next to you was an ace choice because he was able to save all the hits that would have somehow found a way to hit you

He’s so supportive when you go to serve and hit him in the back

He pretends like it threw out his back, hunched over and cramping, but he gave you a thumbs up and mouthed “don’t worry” when he saw you getting worried

And you got some pretty nice views of his butt 

Which was truly what got you through

Along with his cute smile and encouraging comments

You ended up winning 3 out of 4 sets

Saehyun fell to the floor and almost started crying

Everyone loitered for a bit, getting their bags settled and putting on their coats

You and Jungkook had somehow started talking about skittles

You were adamant that red was the best color, but he had never even heard of red because green was clearly the superior color

“Okay, but tell me why the red ones are always left after the bag’s empty. It’s because they’re gross!!”

“It’s because you’re not hanging out with people who can appreciate the true culinary genius of red skittles, Jungkook”

Jungkook thought it was cute how passionate you were about the conversation

Your eyebrows would furrow in concentration, and you had a habit of biting the inside of your lip and then letting it bounce

That was a little distracting to say the least

He had no idea that the cute friend Saehyun was talking about was you, the cute girl who always sat by the window and read

He liked to draw you sometimes because you looked so peaceful when you were reading

And he thought he would catch you looking sometimes, but you always averted your eyes so soon after, so he could never tell

But you were definitely looking at him now, and he liked the warm feeling that was settling in his stomach

Saehyun was calling your name, the signal that it was time to head out

She was your ride, and you didn’t feel like walking across campus in the rain

You didn’t want to stop talking to Jungkook though

Because he was looking at you with those eyes

And because you felt obligated to educate him on his incorrect decisions

But Saehyun’s halfway out the door and threatening to let you walk, so you wave and tell him that you’ll see him at the next game, two days from then

And so you start this little routine

The nights you didn’t have games, you would sometimes see him at Green Bean

You’ve started joining him in his corner table

Which you really like because the nook is perfect to curl up in with your book

He always buys your drink for you

Will point outside and say there’s a dog to distract you so he can pay

But sometimes you get him back by buying grapefruit tarts

He actually likes the peach tarts a little more, but he knows how much you love grapefruit, so he doesn’t say anything

He likes watching how your face lights up when you eat something yummy

At games, there’s still a lot of encouraging

Jungkook’s learned that you somehow always attract the ball

So he makes sure to make sure you’re never in danger of getting hurt

The times where you accidentally collide and you put your hands on his arms are just an added bonus

You’ve gotten really comfortable around each other

Your favorite activity is to make fun of each other

How he can’t look anywhere close to the sun without sneezing

How you hoard deodorant because you sweat a lot

You become each others’ go to for emotional support

Which you never really expected

But it happened one day when you had had a draining day

Your code for your final project had been running for 17 hours and then crashed

10 hours before it was due

This was still when you hadn’t known Jungkook for too long

But for some reason, your thumb hovered over his name on your phone

So you called him blubbering because you were convinced you were going to fail the class and never graduate or get a job and be able to support your dog-son

It was a lot to put on someone you had only really met a month ago

Honestly, he didn’t know what to do for about a minute

Because you sounded really upset, which made him upset

But also because he had never really been that great at comforting people

But he knew you loved fireflies, and parts of his room had been glowing on and off for the last few hours from the fireflies outside of his window

He picked you up, making sure to give you his sweatshirt

Which only made you look cuter, all cozy in his clothes

And he sat you on a bench and held you

Let you cry and let whatever you needed out

But also made sure to point out the fireflies once you had wiped away your tears

How they must feel lost sometimes, especially during the day when they can’t glow

But the moment they find the nighttime, they can be themselves 

You’re the same way

School’s hard right now, but if you push through, you’ll find a place where you’ll be fully comfortable with who you are and what you can do

It’s cheesy, he knows

But it was worth it when you whispered a “thank you” against his neck and kissed him on the cheek

And now months after that

You’re celebrating the fact that your volleyball team is INTRAMURAL CHAMPIONS

Saehyun did cry when you won the championship game, and she started puttering around, tears blurring her vision, to set up a party

It was almost 1 am, and everyone was blissed out and a little tipsy

Most of the team was passed out on the ground or had gone out to get food

You and Jungkook were on the couch, half watching the nature documentary that was playing

You weren’t talking, but it was a comfortable silence

His legs thrown over yours, head on your shoulder

You liked how he was so big but could curl up into a little ball around you

His hand was playing with yours, rubbing circles into your skin and running his fingertips over yours

You knew you two would have to talk about it sooner or later, but for now, you were content with feeling his steady heartbeat against you

[shesawriter39049]

“Oh fuck meee” BTS mini smut drabble (OT7)

Random mini smut Drabble for ANY member …idk why but lately Hoseok has been popping up in my head as a write but I’m leaving this member neutral .

“Oh FUCK ME!!” You yelled out in nothing but pure frustration as you sat at your desk . Letting out a deep slow exhale as your ran your fingers through your hair slowly . You heard a slight knock on your door, throwing your stapler against the wall at the sound of someone else trying to ask you another damn question ! “I’m not here!” You tone , low and dry…the sound of your voice was followed by a slight chuckle as (whichever OT7 you want )_walked in your office.

Completely ignoring everything you said . You were so stressed you literally could’ve cried as you watched him walk in. Not saying a word as he leaned against the door, a smug smirk moving across his face “what are you doing here ?” Voice cracking as you looked up at him, mentally exhausted didint described you currently . “I could just tell, from our last FaceTime conversation that ….” making his way over, to you, the back of your chair acting as a barrier as both of his hands found there way to your back . “My baby was kind of stressed out ….and Didint like it …”Pressing his thumbs into your skin through the fabric of your shirt,massaging all of your built up tissue . Placing a couple gentle kissing against your hair.

“Oh my god…” a groggy moan leaving your lips as you rested your head against your desk . Relaxing your body deep into his touch . His hands moved to the back of your shirt , undoing the back zipper, reaching his hands around to cup your breast. Your brain wasn’t even functioning well enough to realize he should be doing this in your office “Your suppose to be with the boys…you have a comeback stage in 3 days ….” Ignoring you as he moved your hair to the side . Kissing down the back of your neck . “Soooo..your my priority …always” Lips cooed against his skin, flicking the area right under your jaw with his tongue before closing his lips down around it , sucking lightly. Not enough to leave a mark but enough to light a fire in your chest .

Reclining your body up you leaned your hand against your headrest . Giving him full access, leaning over you , bringing his lips down to meet yours while your hand cupped the back of his neck . Effortlessly rolling his tongue against yours, moaning into his mouth as his hands moved down your body . Spreading your legs ad he slid inbetween your skirt. Circling your clit through your panties , his hand damn near stuck to your center with how wet you where . Causing him to growl against your lips . Bitting down on your bottom lip before he pulled back . A wine left your lips as all of the friction was gone . “Baby!!” Glancing up at him with a slight pout .

Eyes looking up at your door before meeting you again “What? You want me to fuck You baby?? Hmm? You want me to fuck you right on your desk? You wanna cum around my dick where all your coworkers can hear you ?” Letting his hands roam your body ,You felt your chest get tight , not even able to respond. Just reaching up , grabbing the back of his neck kissing him deep as you rolled your hips against him . Pulling him in between your legs , a dark chuckle brushed against your lips . Squeezing down on your ass he Didint tease you he knew what you needed . Sliding your panties to the side he freed himself from his boxers . Pulling back to lick your palm you took him in your hand . Stroking him a couple times teasing your entrance , a combination of his precum and your own euphoria mixing together. Moans escaping your tongues as he teased your entrance.

Sliding the tip in your eyes fluttered shut “oh my god “ your words were faint and breathy as he gripped your hips tighter . “Shhhh, you gotta be quiet for me baby …” he hushed against your lips as he slid all the way in . Letting your head reclined fully as you bit down on your bottom low as hard as you could . Rolling hips against you slow and …deep making you feel every inch of him. Gripping the back of your neck , letting his lips tease the expose skin on your neck…

Inspired by my shit day …I’ve managed to break 2 staplers today ….🙄🔪 Also I’m linking the sneak peek to my MATURE Taehyung X Hoseok X Y/N AU one shot below 😏Check it out if you want !

[artificialskyway-archives]

Muse

Pairing: Taehyung x Reader

Length: 1,974

~Admin R

“She was free in her wildness. She was a wanderess, a drop of free water. She belonged to no man and to no city.” - Roman Payne, The Wanderess

I was set out on a mission. I needed a muse. Something to get me over this god-forsaken rut. The rut that has been halting my mind, giving me nothing but absolutely zero motivation. It has been weeks and I still had not finished my big end of the term art project. I started it successfully, yet halfway through it I had nothing else to offer. Weeks later, and still nothing. It’s due in two weeks and I needed to find a new muse to kick me out of this hole of dreariness. So when my best friend texted me, asking to check out a new bar that opened up in downtown, I figured ‘why the hell not? Maybe inspiration will find me there’.

So, I really wasn’t up for the bar scene tonight, but I was up for doing anything to get me out of this endless cycle of nothingness. And if that meant showing up to a bar in the middle of downtown, then there I will be. I arrived to the bar, and it definitely looked new... vintage… minimal... all characteristics you’d expect from a scene in this part of the city. I walked inside and made my way to sit up at the bar, not at all surprised that _Y/F/N_ wasn’t here yet. She always had a knack for being fashionably late. Sitting at the far end of the bar, I took notice of how vivacious and lively this bartender was while making someone’s drink. You would have thought you were in the audience of a cirque du soleil showcase with all the twists and turns of his arms, bottles and glasses. But despite the overly done gestures, you couldn’t help but smile at his enthusiasm.

“What’ll you have, Miss?” The bartender asks, looking at me with his crystallized hazel eyes after he’s settled the bottles and glasses down.

“Gin and Tonic, please. On the rocks.” He nods, and gets to work on my drink. I checked my phone for a message from my friend. Nothing new… yeah, she’s definitely still getting ready, I thought to myself. I turned around in my chair to observe the scene behind me. The dim lighting made everyone look overly happy, yet serene. They looked almost  like shadows floating to the sound of the music playing in the background. A few high tables and couches were spread out along the walls of the building, leaving a small dance area towards the opposite end of the room, while a single pool table occupied the space just before the bartop.

I scanned my way back around, slowly observing every inch of the room. The details were breathtakingly simple but all too beautiful. My eyes reached the opposite side of the bar, from where I’m sitting and I see it. In all black, topped with deep blue denim.

My muse.

As if the entire bar scene had dissipated into a blank canvas of nothingness and white space; there he was, the only source of light and color laying on my blank canvas. I keep looking at him, admiring his features and the sound of the crowded bar begins to muffle, fading away. Everything stopped, yet kept moving as I watched my muse mindlessly sip his drink, twirling the bottom of it in circles over the bar top. There was my inspiration. My way out of this cycle.

A new sensation itched at my bones, I felt exhilarated. Realizing I needed to draw out his features before time slipped away, I quickly reached into my bag and pulled out my mini sketchbook. Digging around in search of my pen, and of course, I would lose my pen at this very moment. I look up to the bartender, who was already reaching into his front shirt pocket and pulling out his pen, handing it to me. He smiles and winks at me, after I thank him sweetly before setting my eyes back on this guy sitting at the end of the bar.

Looking back in his direction, pen in hand and ready to create, I breathed slowly. Feelings of adrenaline and bliss were spreading throughout my body. A faint smile appeared on my face as I looked up to study him. He’s now turned around facing the crowd with his arm draped loosely over the bar top, clinging to his glass. I begin to slowly sketch the outlines of his frame. Gentle lines form on my small sketchpad, his figure is starting to appear beautifully on paper. I lose track of all my senses, I can only see this guy. Noticing his every angle as he’s turned facing the chaotic scene that is taking place behind the bar, I begin to feel my heartbeat rising. His soft brown hair reaches his eyebrows, his jawline is strong even through his soft smile that is living on his face. I finished drawing his figure and now to add some final touches. Taking one last look at him, I used every fiber in myself to burn his beauty in my brain. Something about this guy made me not want to forget him, I hope I don’t forget him. After a few seconds, I finally managed to look away and back down at my work. Studying the drawing, I begin to add little details of lines and shading where necessary. I felt content, pleased… I felt whole again.

I was so entranced in my work that I had completely forgotten where I even was. That is, until I heard a deep voice call out to me from behind. I froze, suddenly falling back down to earth from cloud 9. I looked up across the bar and my muse was gone. Defeated, I turned towards the voice behind me, immediately freezing yet again. There he was, standing taller than I could have imagined him being. Glowing in a beautiful soft aura, exuding so much beauty I was at a loss for words. Blinking a few times, I tried to remember what he said to me, coming up with nothing. He’s still looking at me with a sweet smile, then he laughs to himself and repeats.

“I said, that if you’re going use me as your drawing reference, then you should at least buy me a drink next time.” His voice was deep and velvety, flowing through my ears so gently. He continues, “Because wow, you have no idea how hard it is to stay in one position for you. And all without being able to motion for the bartender to pour me another drink.” He jokes, exposing the most beautiful smile that I’ve seen. A beautiful box-y smile that makes me want to melt at his feet. God, he’s too beautiful.

Frozen in the depths of shock that is still running through my body, both from being caught and from the surreal beauty currently standing before me. I still don’t manage to say any words to him. ‘Just speak, open your mouth and say something’, is all that keeps running through my head. He simply keeps a soft smile on his face as he points to the empty chair next to me, “so, mind if I have a seat here?”

“By all means,” you finally manage and motion to the chair next to you, “sorry for making you freeze for so long without a drink. Can I buy you another?” Yes, finally words are coming out. He sits next to me as I turn to the bartender who is smiling way too obviously at the both of us now. “Can I get another round of Gin and Tonic, on the rocks and whatever-” I look at my muse, unsure of what his name or his order was.

“I’ll have the same,” he tells the bartender and the bartender nods happily, working on both drinks.

“So,” he starts, “will you let me see how I look on paper?” The soft smile of his never seems to disappear, and it is sending way too many butterflies through me.

“Oh, um, it’s not really finished yet.” I start nervously, and for some reason I have way too many nerves working through me. I normally don’t get this nervous with showing others my work, but not this time around. This guy was all too beautiful. He made me feel empowered, yet incredibly shy at the same time.

“I’m sure it’s beautiful. Probably more beautiful on paper than in person, anyways.” He says, as he nudges me softly in my arm and I swear I felt little bolts of electricity from his sweet touch.

“I beg to differ!” I started, feeling a little more comfortable, probably from the second drink that is already coursing its way through my system. “I will show you just a sneak peek of what I drew, but I think I should at least know the name of my muse, shouldn’t I?”

“Taehyung,” he says with his velvety smooth voice.

“Taehyung.” I repeat back, loving the way it rolls off my tongue.

“And your name?” He asks me, and I’m not sure when exactly his knee found my leg but I can feel sweet and jolting bolts of electricity forming from the small contact.

“No, no. You either get a sneak peek of my drawing, or my name. You can’t have both.” I tease him, crinkling my nose and clutching the sketchpad to my chest.

He leans in closer to me, and I lean back an inch, startled at the forwardness coming from him. Taehyung’s eyes are scanning my face, as if he thinks that he can figure out my name just by looking at my face.

“You’re really beautiful.”

‘Did he just call me beautiful? Why, what is his angle? God, he’s so beautiful.’ All these thoughts are swirling in my head, I don’t even notice him still staring at me, gently holding my gaze. His eyes are warm, and all I really want to do is draw them too, hoping to capture at least half of the beauty that he holds in them. I should probably say something now.

“Flattery will get you nowhere, Taehyung.” Good enough. “Anyways, here you go. I actually want you to have a look and tell me what you think.” I open up and hand him my drawing of him and carefully watch him as he is eyeing my work. My heart is beating at a mile a minute, a smile is on his face, ‘so he likes it?’. Then he slightly tilts his head to the side, ‘so he doesn’t like it?’. He runs his long, firm fingers over the drawing, feeling the artwork under his skin, his soft smile turns into a sweet grin as he looks at me.

“This is amazing!” He starts, his eyes are glistening and warm as they look at me again.

“Yeah? Honestly? I really want you to like it, since you are the focal point here.”

“I love this, truly. You’ve captured the angles, the atmosphere, the essence and displayed it so beautifully.”

“Thank you.” I replied, not helping but smiling at his compliment. He really is beautiful.

We spent the next hour talking about art, about each other, about getting together for a date. I had always liked the feeling of being free. That’s why I turned to art, there were never any restrictions. I was allowed to be free, belonging to noone and no thing. But with Taehyung, I felt a new feeling blossom in me. I wanted him with me, I wanted to be with him. He made me want to be more than who I was, he saw my potential and never let me forget it. I wanted our lives to merge together, creating a new level of art that was better than anything ever captured on paper or print.

Taehyung was my muse.

Masterlist

[sae-you-sae-me]

Hihi I'm new to your acc but I live for your writing mygodd🙈💘 I was wondering if you could do a HC with RFA+V and Saeran reacting to when they find out that MC has a sketchbook filled with cute or maybe even spicy~ (lolol) drawings/doodles of them? And when they confront MC about it, MC gets super flustered?❤ Example: Yoosung finds drawings of himself

Thanks so much! Enjoy~

Zen:

You were working on another sketch of him when you got up to do something else

You had left your notebook open on the table so he saw it

He noticed it was him…so he sneaked a peek at a few other pages

He was surprised to see how many pictures of him you had drawn

He’s especially intrigued at the fact that you’ve drawn so many…detailed pictures of him

He’s had fanart drawn of him, but yours was more precious to him because you captured him in such an intimate way

He takes a few of the ones where you drew him shirtless for blackmail

Whenever you complain that he’s talking too much about his abs, he pulls up the picture, “That’s not what your hand thinks.”

But he was super supportive of your work

In one instance, he really liked a picture you drew of him with this one costume

He showed it to his designers, and your design got created

Yoosung:

You were drawing a flower while sitting beside him

He peered over your shoulder and asked if he could see it

You were already embarrassed as you didn’t show your drawings often, but you let him see

He took the book from you and you thought he was just admiring the one…

But then you heard the flip of pages, and it was too late to stop him

He stopped when he came across one particular drawing

It was one of him shirtless…with abs

It was super awkward for you both…since you haven’t seen him shirtless

You’re already dying inside as he now knows what goes through your brain…and into your notebook

And he just chuckles nervously, “Haha, this is exactly how I look like under this shirt.”

It was cute though, because you found out he started going to the gym two weeks later

Jaehee:

As a gift, you two had matching best friend notebooks

That backfired one day when she grabbed your book instead of hers and left for work

She found out later exactly what you were putting inside that notebook

She had to suppress a smile when she found the whole section dedicated to hers

At first it was a bunch of chibi drawings of you and her

Some of them was her serving coffee or sleeping on the couch

She took a picture of a few for rainy days

But then she got to the more detailed pictures

When she returned the book to you, she had a little mini fan girl session and also an apology for intruding

Although, she said she had one critique for you

She turned to one of the more detailed photos and looked down at her chest 

“My boobs aren’t that big, MC…”

Jumin:

He always saw you sketching Elizabeth the Third

Or chasing her around the house to make her sit in one place while you drew

So, when you leave your notebook on the kitchen counter, that’s what he thinks he’ll find in the pages

He’s surprised when he flips the page and finds a sketch of him

And another one…and another one…and there’s almost a whole collection

He finds one picture where his tie is loosened and his shirt is half unbuttoned

He starts smirking to himself, wondering if this is how you really see him…or want to see him

But then he hears your footsteps and slams the notebook shut, suddenly feeling flustered

You never found out about it until one day he comes home from work and pauses in the doorway

He loosens his tie, gives you a small smirk, and unbuttons a single button

You just know he saw that drawing

You’re unsure whether you’re about to die from cuteness or embarrassment

Seven:

It all started when he was hanging on the couch upside down

You walked into the room to get something, and he shot finger guns at you

It inspired you to draw something, so you told him not to move

You grabbed your notebook and started sketching

You got so into it, you didn’t even realize he had gotten up and tried to come behind you and see your progress

When you did notice him looming over your shoulder, you practically threw yourself over the book trying to hide it

He figured something was off, so he went chasing after you until he got the notebook and saw what you drew

It turned out his shirt slipped down when he was still posing, and you drew what you saw in detail

He was surprisingly chill about it, complimenting on the drawing overall

But he just waits…until you put your BTS playlist on

He slid into the room during No More Dream just to do Jimin’s Part™

Only he didn’t stop doing it until you were red in the face

Saeran:

He was in one of his organizing moods

He accidentally knocked your notebook off the shelf, and it fell open to a page

He was about to put it back when recognized a little chibi character that looked oddly like him

He took a closer look and saw that it was him holding up finger hearts

He checks to see if you’re around before pressing further

Apparently, that isn’t the only drawing of him

There’s tons…and they’re detailed and well thought out too

He’s too consumed in your art to remember it was him until he turned to your most recent drawing

He was wearing a yukata, dipping down his chest and you did not skimp on the details

He waltzes over to you in the living room, “You know how I always say I want to know what’s running through your head?”

“Yeah…”

He sets the book down next to you, “I don’t anymore. And by the way, you’ve been watching too many anime.”

He threw a smirk over his shoulder and watched you burn as you realized what he saw

V:

He was talking on the phone with a client

So his hands were trying to find something absentminded to do

He started turning the pages of a notebook sitting on the table

It wasn’t until he noticed the drawings of him did he realize it was your sketchbook

Thankfully, his call ended when it did, because he came across one the most detailed pictures of himself he’d seen

You drew him in a deep V neck shirt with a chiseled jawline and prominent collar bones

It was a stunning drawing, and he would’ve been flustered if not for your little note in the corner

“V in a V neck lololol”

You were the one who was flustered later when you saw that he found it

Check out our other headcanons~ Masterlist

[mybirdsongphotography]

Imagine this sequence leading up to my work day:

All my flights are delayed, but thankfully not canceled, so I manage to make it into Orlando the night before my shoot. Bonus- the sweetest couple ever who is picking me up? They are night owls like I am and were down to pick me up from the airport much later than I originally thought.

We stayed up talking and laughing most of the night, while I ate their Trader Joe’s buffalo chicken dip… and I’m pretty sure my soul needed every second of it (the laughter and the buffalo dip). I also had no idea how much I needed the scent of lavender oil to linger around my head to put my crazy spinning brain right to sleep.

They had my favorite Dave’s Killer Bread (if you know, you know) ready for me in their kitchen so I could have breakfast before my Uber picked me up that morning. That Uber showed up at an hour that I haven’t seen on a clock (with an A.M. next to it) in years.

I opened the door to said Uber car, and the driver had Lizzo pumping on the radio singing “I do my hair toss, check my nails, baby how you feelin” …and I let him know immediately that I could not do one single hair toss until I had some coffee in my veins, and I needed to be feeling good as heck for the work day ahead of me. 

As he started the pit stop to Starbucks, and as I ordered on my app to skip the line- he casually assumed “oh, you’re a character in one of the parks?” 😂 If you’ve met me, you know nothing would make me happier than to pretend to be Merida at Disney World. 

I explained that I was lucky enough to shoot there for the day, and as he dropped me off at the final destination, he wished me all the luck braving the crowds. Growing up in South Florida, we took trips up to Disney for vacations, so I knew exactly how packed it could get. 

The possibility of a crowd has never stopped my excitement about Disney,  and I felt like a kid on vacation again taking the ferry ride over to the park.

At that point, there was fog everywhere, and you couldn’t see the castle like you usually could. Last time I was here was with Connor and Dave, and Connor freaked out with excitement the moment he could see the castle, and I realized I had not even told Connor I would be at the Magic Kingdom for work. I didn’t know if he’d be excited or mad he wasn’t there.

Now, here I am… caffeinated, kid free, and waltzing into the park right as it opens with my gear in my backpack that’s designed to keep the weight off of you during long hikes... totally ready to go. Abbie shoots me a text saying they are running late, and that she is so sorry.

Sorry? What could she be sorry for... I AM AT DISNEY WORLD! I laughed (okay, I sent a laughing emoji) and told her it was the best place she could possibly be late to a session, and not to rush.

I walked around Cinderella’s castle, before the parades and shows, and browsed parts of Main Street that I had never taken time to really slowly see or appreciate before. I think the a cappella group serenading the street crowds made it seem like I was in my own musical.  And just think- all of this joy was before the session even started.

The fog lifted as Abbie & Esteban came in, looking like the most dapper Disney couple that ever was, and I knew we’d be set for the day. Now go scroll through some of these morning photos. Yep. Her bright yellow Mickey Mouse shoes have been the talk of the town since I posted their first sneak peek, and you can see why. Now if you’re planning on doing a session in heels, be smart like Abbie… bring flats to walk in between locations.

We even had a character from the Country Bear Jamboree add his own mini dance session as we were walking to take a break…. aaaaand it’s reasons like this that I could hardly put down my camera the whole day.

It must be said, though… I had one of the best work breaks a girl could ask for. A guided tour was going on the whole day anyway- if you haven’t gone on over to instagram and followed @DisneyPrincessAbbie – go do it. Her outfits are all adorable, her giveaways would make any Disney fan happy, and she has all the tricks and tips of the best Disney park goer out there.

One of the most asked about photos is this one, and I am more than excited that we were able to get it!

Dream photo for both of us!

  When we stopped for lunch, we put our name in with enough time to go put our bags into a locker so my shoulders could start singing hymns of freedom while we ate. They treated me to amazing dishes at the Jungle Navigation Skipper Canteen and a delicious glass of wine that I ordered strictly because it’s name referenced the Black Pearl from Pirates of the Caribbean… and now I can’t go back to just eating a hot dog on Main Street for my park lunch. I know I’m not alone in being the person who typically packs a bag full of snacks to get me through a day at these theme parks, right?

We even rode the rides together, had a Starbucks break… and then started shooting photos again as the sun set.

Disney Details

Disney Parade and Minnie dress- perfect combo.

Best spot of Cinderella’s castle

Most romantic Disney portrait #madewithmagmod

Made with Magmod gear -Maggrid with magenta

  That sky could not have been more perfect for those castle shots. I would insert a swooning noise if I could, but thankfully I don’t know how.

Now I will let you scroll through our day- and then you can enjoy our night spent watching the fireworks show and completely closing down the park. Being the only ones in Tomorrow land (if you’re on instagram you saw how excited I was on my stories!) and closing out Main Street was magic in itself.

  Best views of Cinderella’s Castle

Cutest Disney Save the Date ideas

How cute are their Disney save the date ideas? 

Best hidden gem photo spots at Magic Kingdom

Classic Little Mermaid dress at Ariel’s Castle

Romantic Disney Fireworks shot? Yes please.

Reminds me of all the lights in Tangled.

Watching Tink fly…

Can you spot Tinkerbell?

Disney fireworks finale

Tomorrow Land all to ourselves at Disney World

So happy we got a shot here!

  A huge thank you to Abbie and Esteban and my feet and shoulders for all being such troopers during this entire day. I wish nothing but the best for your Disney wedding!

  My instagram, where you can follow along more adventures and more of my not-so-together-act of being a mom is right here: @Photographeramy

Abbie’s instagram, where you can find every day Disney inspiration is right here: @DisneyPrincessAbbie 

Engagement Session Location: The one and only Walt Disney World, Magic Kingdom

All photos taken with: Canon gear and Magmod attachments for my flashes.

Share with photo credit: On instagram @PhotographerAmy and on Facebook you can type the same thing for my business page to pop up- Elizabeth Birdsong Photography. 

  Happiest Place on earth, for sure. Might be the only place that I have shot for longer than I did for a NYC session. Click to find out why! Imagine this sequence leading up to my work day: All my flights are delayed, but thankfully not canceled, so I manage to make it into Orlando the night before my shoot.

[henriettaganz19-blog]

As Chipotle Tries To not Make Folks Sick, It's Silent On One Important Situation

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[alhorner]

Björk’s constellation in the clouds: The Icelandic superstar unravels her Utopia

“You know when you should go home from the bar? But you just stay for one more drink and one more drink and one more drink…” It’s early November, and Björk Guðmundsdóttir is searching for the words from her Icelandic home to describe an addiction she recently threw herself into: texting. “Oh, I was texting people like borderline crazy,” she laughs. “If I was with people in a room, my heart would be 51% with the people I’m texting and only 49% with the people in the room.” After a period of gloom following the breakdown of her marriage – distilled into stark, stormy audio violence on her last album, Vulnicura – the 52-year-old found herself drawn to the giddy thrills of shooting messages back and forth to friends and new acquaintances in her life. The puzzle of what they’d text back, the suspense of when or even if they’d reply, was a strange rush. “I really enjoyed it, but it was kinda fucked up!”

This, it turns out, is something Björk does a lot: finds a pastime, then takes it to an almost obsessive-compulsive extreme till she can bottle its sensation in musical form.“The same way I would obsess over an album or a lover,” she explains. During the making of 2001’s Vespertine, she didn’t just watch the TV trial of Michael Jackson: “I followed it manically. I just binged. I totally binged, curious to see how civilization would treat a creature like him.” Then there was her late introduction to Facebook. “At first, I didn’t want it in my life. Then when I did, I went really extreme. If I was going to do it, I wanted to do it with gravity and obsession, like it was the ocean,” she says. “I wanted to make it a feeling.”

There’s an argument to be made that this, above everything else – her constant search for innovation; her immaculate, instantly recognizable voice; the devastatingly beautiful visual worlds she builds around her music – is what has made Björk one of the most unequivocally singular artists of the last 30 years. Björk is a translator. She scrounges in all corners of the human experience, finding the feeling of nuanced, often unspoken situations, then translates them to melody, to the adoration of hundreds of thousands of fans worldwide.

In March 1997, when the Reykjavík-born artist won the first ever Nordic Council Music prize, a jury member compared her to the Norse god Heimdallr, guardian of Bifröst – a burning rainbow bridge linking the realms of god and man. Raised on classical piano and flute, baptised with punk in her teens then revealing herself to be an avant-pop marvel as her career took flight, the implication was that she bridged the gap between “the classical and the cutting edge,” as Emily Mackay puts it in her 33 1/3 book on the star. Two decades of trail-blazing later, you could push the analogy further: the most significant gap she bridges is between the emotions we all experience (and sometimes have never thought to articulate) and the melodies that truthfully, authentically represent them.

Like, for example, the multiple mini emotional rollercoasters that spring from your phone’s messaging apps daily. “There are some songs on there about texting and over-texting,” she beams of Utopia, her ninth album, and first full-length proper collaboration with new musical soulmate, Arca. The Venezuelan producer had a pivotal role on Vulnicura, but only began contributing in its final stages. Here, he was so deeply involved, “we kinda wanted to [title the album] ‘made by Björk and Arca’ because the mode was so intense between us,” Björk reveals.

The album was billed half-jokingly in an interview as her “Tinder album” and understandably so. The airy and light exhalation to Vulnicura‘s asthma-attack panic-grip of grief, it’s a harp, flute and romance-filled voyage to a peach-pastel paradise, in which Björk is learning to be intimate again. On lead single ‘The Gate’, the titular gate is the one in which you let someone in, and let love out in return: “If you care for me, I’ll care for you,” she sings over the sparsest of orchestral blossoms. “Didn’t used to be so needy.” She is, critics have been in a rush to point out, full of love again.

21 years ago, in Martin Aston’s Björkgraphy, she likened releasing an album to “putting your diary out for everyone to read.” Has that sensation intensified, I ask, over these last two albums, on which her personal life – the grief of divorce on Vulnicura, and the excitement of meeting new people on Utopia – has been such a public part of those records? “Yeah… but in a good way,” she smiles, and our conversation – touching on her long lost Wu-Tang collaboration, her frustrations with streaming services, our obsession with the end of the world and much, much more – gets underway.

Do you still get nervous before a release?

I still get nerves when I release an album. It’d be odd if I didn’t, you know? I’d be worried if it was like, drinking a glass of water. It’s also a good feeling, like AHHHHHH. There are two different things: making an album with your friends in a sort of protected cocoon, and then seeing it venture out into the light outside. I’ve done it long enough now to know that people will react to it differently than it felt inside the cocoon. What I hold my breath a little for is that it’s the right proportion: that they don’t take one element and exaggerate it into something huge, or take something that’s a big deal for me on the album, but be like, “forget about it!” So it’s like that. Accepting that people are going to see it different from what I see, but hoping that they see something close to what I intended.

Was the lightness of Utopia, compared to the darkness of Vulnicura, something you consciously set out to do, or something you gravitated towards naturally?

Because it was such dark subject matter with Vulnicura, we were definitely keen on lightness. I guess we’d just been listening non-stop for two years to really grim lyrics and rough string arrangements. And when you’ve been at the bottom of the lake for so long… eventually you’re going to float up to the surface. It’s like physics. So I was really excited by things really fluffy and airy and floating and, like, fireworks!

The first song we did was the first song on the album [‘Arisen My Senses’]. I actually found a loop of a mixtape or a SoundCloud thing that [Arca] had done three years prior. I just thought it was the most happiest firework that he’d ever done. I didn’t tell him about it – I just sampled it, sang it to him and he just exploded, you know? I wasn’t really conscious of what I was doing. I was reaching for the most euphoric, antigravity moment that he’d done, and then I exaggerated that by looping it and writing a harp arrangement around it and singing on top of it these ecstatic lyrics. After we’d taken the saddest coordinates of each other and combined them into Vulnicura, we were doing the opposite now. And that was kinda the starting point.

So ‘Arisen My Senses’ became the blueprint for the rest of the album?

After that, the songs would just roll out. You know, we didn’t really know how to credit this album. I think we managed with what little logical sides of our brains are left – and there’s not a lot, by the way! – to write on a piece of paper the different [ways] we wrote this album. One is: he’d send me music that he’d made, then I would pick a bit, like I just described to you, in ‘Arisen’… I would edit it on ProTools, because all the songs on my albums are edited by me on ProTools. That’s one way.

Another way was more similar to Vulnicura: I would write a song like I normally do – I’d do a flute arrangement or a harp arrangement then sing – and then he would come and make a beat to it. There were a couple of songs like that: ‘Blissing Me’, ‘Body Memory’ and I think like five or six songs like that.

Then there were songs he would send me [complete] songs and I’d write over the top of it, which I’ve never done but I’ll do with him. ‘The Gate’, the first single, that was that sort of song. He sent me the instrumental and it was so perfect, it didn’t need any editing. Actually I take that back – it did need some editing [laughs]. So I wrote the flute arrangement and my vocals. ‘Painstaker’ was also like that, the second last song.

Then there were songs similar to how we did ‘Notget’ on Vulnicura, where I took a song he’d already written, and a song of mine that I’d already written, and we’d do a mash-up. I just choked them to pieces and made a new thing out of two songs that already exist.

Was writing something that was lighter less of a strain than mining the darkness that you did on the last record?

Yep, absolutely! It couldn’t be more extreme. I think something about grief of Vulnicura, which was so sad, made the melodies like they were just lying on the floor. They don’t move a lot. The strings were very heavy and the beats were very heavy. There were no plants: it was just a barren landscape. And so I think we wanted to do the opposite. To make melodies that were like constellations in the clouds.

I think for me, in the beginning of Utopia, I was very excited to break away from the narrative on Vulnicura. It was so heavy and “me me me” and “poor me.” I just wanted to disappear and become one of the instruments and lose that heavy narration. All the first songs I wrote [for Utopia] had three or four lead vocals and not one of them was in the front. Part of it was because I was doing a lot of VR and I wanted to do something where my vocals were around you. But also emotionally, I’d just OD’d on the self-importance of the narrator. So a lot of the melodies have like five vocals and none of them are lead vocals. They’re like musical statements.

You mentioned in an interview last year that you and Richard D. James swap tracks via email. Did Aphex get a sneak peek of Utopia?

Hah, no. I was kinda blushing that that was blown up… Back when I lived in London, we did. If we hear a track we think the other one is going to like, we send it to each other. But other people’s music. Everything I find I really try to share.

The album is titled Utopia. In literature, in film, in TV and in video games, you’re much more likely to encounter savaged worlds and post-apocalyptic tomorrows than futures in which humankind has got its shit together. Do we as a society fetishize dystopia?

Yes, absolutely. Utopia is a political statement for me. I’ve had enough of western civilisation feeling sorry for themselves and being paralyzed and not acting. Western civilization thinks their story is the only story in the world. The self-importance of the west makes them think they’re having this tragic, Titanic moment where they want the rest of the planet to hold their breath and feel sorry for them while they sink. That’s okay for a little bit when something sad happens, but not like for like 100 years. We can’t spare any time. We need to go into action. We need green energy. We need to react.

We don’t have the luxury of indulging in this “poor me, the world is going to die” dystopia stuff. I think we have to get up on our feet and act. And I think the entertainment industry should feel responsible, definitely. Maybe I’m being too much of a mum but 90% of material that is coming from the [western entertainment] has normalised killing. It’s okay if it’s an aesthetic of a singular artist who wants to be nihilistic or dystopian. That’s one thing. But now our survival of the human species is at stake and I’m not being dramatic, unfortunately. I think we need to kick into action and come with solutions. And we need to do it now.

What do you think is the first step?

I could cry all day about the fact that the majority of the animal species are disappearing and my grandchildren might not see a lot of them. That’s tragic beyond words. But we need to ask ourselves: how can we make the best out of where we’re at right now? That has to be green energy solutions that are functional.

I’m not a megalomaniac. I understand that utopia is not singular. But I think there has to be a mass that stand up and do stuff. Seeing what’s happening online, especially after Trump got elected and resigned from the Paris Climate Accord, I really think it has to be ground-up. I has to be DIY. It has be grassroots, the people. We cannot rely on governments to go green. And that’s where popular music comes in. It’s always been the voice of the people. So yeah, that’s how I feel about that.

That paralysis you describe – where people are so overwhelmed by the negativity that they’re incapable of acting – is a really tricky thing to overcome. How do you stop yourself becoming overwhelmed by negativity? How do you avoid that paralysis point?

I go for walks in nature. Outside my window now, there’s a beach. I need that nature connection. I think there’s something in the molecules of nature that just brings equilibrium through the elements. When you move through it, it balances you. And you’re not meant to do it on your own. That’s not how nature designed us. You’re not supposed to go into an isolation tank. [laughs] If you go for a 30 minute walk every day through trees, or a river, or whatever natural elements are close by, it’s really very healing.

When I lived in London, I walked around the canals a lot. It’s maybe not like the highlands of Iceland, but the elements of water and the fact they are not straight lines… something magical happens. [Science is] proving more and more that nature harmonizes between your mind and your body. The three things are not separate. I find very often when I go on walks, whatever is making my mind busy or is causing me frustration after 20 minutes will show its face, and usually, by the time I’m back home I have a plan of how to deal with it.

I think something in our survival mechanism likes you to walk and find a rhythm. So, walking. But also, have you tried kundalini yoga? I just find it on YouTube. There’s a lot of breathing and if you have anxiety, the best cure for it is that amount of breathing. If you wake up with anxiety, just find a 40-minute kundalini class on YouTube and you’ll be amazed. The anxiety is just gone. And sometimes before bed – if you’re finding it hard to sleep at night, that’s a really good trick.

As well as nature, you’ve long been an advocate for the positive power of technology. Have the changes in the way technology has impacted our lives over the last few years – fake news, Russian bots, the dark side of companies like Facebook and Google – threatened to make you reevaluate that positive belief at all?

Yes. I think we have to readjust all the time. Progress is going to happen if you like it or not. We don’t live in caves. So it’s like, how are we gonna live with it? I’ve said this many times before, but every invention of the human race, it’s always been incredible and miraculous. But then the aftermath is always: well, okay, how do we adapt morality to it? How do we adapt this to the human soul? It’s always the same question – whether it’s fire or the radio or Facebook.

Homogenic recently celebrated its 20th anniversary. Here’s something I’ve always wondered about that era in your career, as a big Wu-Tang fan: RZA is said to have recorded with you around that time, but the sessions never saw the light of day. What happened?

Ha! You know… I don’t know! I think what happened was… I wanted these kinda Icelandic, volcanic beats, and I was kind of struggling with it. I had done beats on my albums, but it takes me a long time to make them. And sometimes I get impatient and I want other people to do it, so I sit there and describe to them what I want them to do. So, I was in Spain, and Wu-Tang Clan were supposed to come to Spain. RZA was supposed to come. But then months passed. Then the album got finished and I delivered it. Then RZA was like, “I’m ready! Shall I come to Spain?”

Instead, I went to New York. We wrote a couple of songs together. And I just felt… sometimes when you do things and you don’t plan them it’s magic. And I really think what we made was magic. But I think because it wasn’t part of the whole Homogenic thing and it wasn’t part of what Wu-Tang were doing at the time, it was better as an idea, if that makes any sense?

We met a few times though – my favourite moment was when I did an in-store at Tower Records. I’d never done anything like that before. I turned up – and seven of the Wu-Tang Clan turned up to, like, protect me! I was signing books for an hour, and they sent some of their team, standing there with me. That was one of my all-time favourite moments: I had been on my own, so when they turned up I felt very protected. It was magic. In my eyes, they’re punk. We are definitely [similar] – we do things in, like, a ritual way. The good thing was that I got to hang out with them. I got to see Wu-Tang’s version of New York. Which was pretty cool. A very specific angle on that city that I feel very blessed to have experienced.

I also once heard a whisper you recorded with another New York rap luminary, Jay Z. Is that true?

There was, perhaps… He asked me to write for one of his albums. It was a section for a song. But it just didn’t happen in the end. Wasn’t meant to be. I’m always flattered when people ask me. There’s a lot of things that I like about him.

I wanted to ask a question about streaming. You’re a great believer in technology and the idea that progress is going to happen. But you’re also someone who makes very complete bodies of work. How do you reconcile those two things when the nature of platforms like Spotify and Apple Music means a lot of people will probably experience tracks from Utopia on playlists, rather than as a whole?

I’ve always been a great believer in polarity. Polar opposites. We don’t have to choose nature or urban, that’s not the point. The point is, how can we make them coexist? I think the same with men and women, pop and ‘serious’ music… Why choose? Eliminating things is not natural.

So same goes with this. Albums can be albums, but songs can exist on their own. I’ve been making playlists of a sort more or less since I was a teenager, for DJ sets. It’s one of my favourite things actually – being able to take three minutes of that song and three minutes of that song, complete opposites, and putting them back to back. Completely different musicians. If we say we can’t do that, we’re limiting the powers of music. It’s one of the most powerful things that music can do.

I’ll tell you though, hand to heart, I think streaming [platforms] are taking the piss. I think we need more fairness. I’m okay – I sold CDs in the ‘90s. I’ve got a house. But kids who are now in their 20s, I’m seeing it seriously affecting incredibly talented musicians, who could become really really incredible and grow into beautiful artists, but they can’t do it, because everything they make, they have to give away for free.

So they tour more.

Exactly. It tears them away from their family and uproots them. Streaming has exaggerated that. Kids in their 30s now have been on the road for 10 years. You know? With no breaks. I’ve toured a lot, but I would tour for a year, then I would be somewhere for a year and a half and write an album. So you could lick your wounds and heal and get your shit together and be with your family members. Now, you don’t have that. Streaming is not fair. I’m hoping it will change. Maybe we are slowly figuring out a way that is going to be a solution, so musicians get paid for their work.

You mentioned your DJ sets a few moments ago, which give fans real insight into the music you like that maybe isn’t represented in your work as Björk. Lil Yachty for example. How do you stay across new music in 2017?

It’s a combination. I have websites I go to where I find things. I’ll spend days online looking for inspiration. It was real fun when I was mixing my album. I couldn’t take in any more music. So I was listening to a lot of spoken word for like a month or two. Once I delivered my album, I was so ready for new music. And I’d put aside all these links. Then I spent two or three days on these links. Being away from it for two or three months meant there were tonnes of amazing things.

You’ve dropped Rihanna in quite a few sets.

I just think what I find most exciting about her over the last two years is how she’s grown vocally. Like, her voice in ‘Work’, it’s so present. It’s like right there with you. Right next to you. But still the most relaxed way possible. I love the emotion of her beats. I think it was really brave on her last album not to think in singles. She did the songs she would listen to herself and dance to herself and you could really hear that. It’s in the tone of her voice. That’s what’s amazing. It’s about sound. But I don’t know. I just like it, it’s that simple.

Coming back to Utopia: does the mood of your next album depend on how much of this album’s message humanity chooses to adopt? Do we have it in us to make your fantasy a reality?

Hmmmm. I think fantasy and imagination are just as valid as reality. And I think that’s maybe what Utopia is also tapping into: how our fantasies are just as valid as reality. It’s kinda curious how the two things then try to coexist. When you want that fantasy to come true, if half of it comes true, that’s good going, you know? But how do you execute that? I find that fascinating. It’s a beautiful thing.

FACT, November 2017