#like deleting this original post by accident so here have it again

[saintobio]

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐃 & 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐋𝐎𝐒𝐓. (final part to 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐈𝐍 & 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐑.)

in the painful memory of what once was, sylus learns that love can't be bound where it was never meant to stay.

♱ pairings. sylus, fem!reader

♱ genre. angst, smut, boss/assistant, 18+

♱ tags. sylus's pov, reader is not l&ds!mc, sylus might be ooc, main story spoilers, razor's dance spoilers, nightplumes spoilers, lots of timeskip, fast-paced, unrequited love, profanity, petnames (kitten, sweetie), espionage, jealousy, brief smut, mentions of pregnancy/impregnation kink, mentions of accidents, suicide attempt, injuries, blood, usage of guns, usage of knife, killings, death, my own theories incorporated into the lore, sylus groveling bcos yall want him to

♱ notes. 9.5k wc. l&ds!mc is referred to here as 'diana'. THIS IS A REPOST of the original post i accidentally deleted. i already posted this several hours ago, so if you’re seeing this new one again, blame my dumbass 🤧 oh well life is life.

Sylus had a part of him that wished things could be different. 

Ever since he turned away and left you that night at the alleyway, he didn’t really realize the chain of events his decision would set into motion. He simply underestimated how strongly your threats were backed by the grudge you had on him for bringing the hunter girl from Linkon into his base.

After all, you were just an assistant of his. And her, she was everything to him. It wasn’t just about the Aether Core, too—their bond stretched back into his distant past, into another planet where two of them ruled before the inhabitants of Philos came to ruin everything. Him and Diana had a connection he couldn’t sever no matter how much you had come to mean to him. And he spent years, centuries even, just to search for her. 

So, how could a mere assistant he had known for less than a decade have such entitlement to her role in his life? 

Eventually, days turned into weeks. Weeks into months. With your prolonged absence from the Onychinus base, Sylus’s business transactions and illicit deals had become increasingly unruly. He had grown too dependent on you as his right-hand woman, relying on your meticulous management to ensure all his illegal activities ran smoothly. Yet now, without your oversight, things were falling apart.

And while he was contemplating how to fill the void your absence had created, the office door slammed open. A subordinate soon rushed in, breathless and wide-eyed. “Boss, she’s betrayed us!” Luke exclaimed. “She’s gone to the Hunter’s Association. We got word that she was a high-ranking intelligence agent there!”

“A.K.A a spy!” yelled the other twin, Kieran, who looked equally hurt at your betrayal. “She fooled all of us. And here, we treated her like family.” 

That was how Sylus learned that you had left the N109 Zone, seeking refuge in Linkon City, and had exposed critical intel on Onychinus. At the time, rage naturally exploded within him. Didn’t he take good care of you while you were here? He had given you everything, trusted you, and you had thrown it all away. Four years of falling into his trap. Four years of being his partner in crime, his right-hand woman, his lover. People even saw you as the modern day Bonnie & Clyde. Sylus couldn’t understand the root of your betrayal, couldn’t imagine how letting you slip away from his grasp would cost him so much in return.

When you vowed to do everything in your power to kill Diana, was this just a part of your grand scheme? What other machinations were you orchestrating in your pursuit of revenge?

“She’s a wild animal on loose.” Sylus looked up at the twins, maintaining a calm yet ruthless mien as he sat on the couch. He might be idly tossing a coin like he didn’t care, but inside his brain was chaos ensuing. “Where’s she now? Any news?”

It was Luke who shrugged in response. “She hasn’t been seen anywhere, boss-man.”

“We suspect the Association is hiding her,” Kieran added. 

The hunter girl, Diana—the very girl you were jealous of, was sitting next to Sylus throughout the conversation. Their hands were connected by a strong energy linkage that was seemingly ignited by the Aether Cores in their bodies. They couldn’t separate themselves even if they wanted to. And God forbid you would have lost your mind tenfold had you seen their situation right now. 

“That g-girl,” gasped the hunter girl, eyes wide in bewilderment at what she was hearing. “Sylus, your assistant. She did all that? She was a spy from the Hunter’s Association?” 

Luke tilted her head at the girl, his beaked mask mocking her. “Oh, miss hunter! Haven’t you heard about the HIS? You should know them better than us.” 

“Well.. what is the HIS?” 

“Hunter Intelligence Services.” Sylus was the one who answered, releasing a deep sigh while rubbing his temples. “They’re top secret. Regular hunters wouldn’t have known about them, because they only deal with people like me.” 

Diana looked between him and the twins, rubbing her wrist before moving closer to the boss of Onychinus. Her close proximity allowed him to smell her familiar sweet scent. “Is she… after me? But I don’t understand. If she’s part of the Hunter’s Association too, then shouldn’t we be colleagues?”

Kieran cleared his throat. “Ever since you came—”

“Place a bounty on her head,” Sylus interrupted the twins, and also ignored the question of the girl next to him. She didn’t need to learn the history behind you and him, or why you chose to target her. “Make sure to bring Y/N back to me. Alive.” 

“Roger that, boss!” 

It was his last desperate attempt to draw you back to him. Now that you had the Hunter’s Association protecting you, Sylus knew that locating you wouldn’t be as simple. Otherwise, he would have easily captured Diana long ago. He convinced himself that the bounty was to punish you, but deep down, he knew it was because he couldn’t bear to lose you to his enemies completely.

~~

It took you a year to return to the N109 Zone.

Did you forget he had eyes and ears everywhere? He was the boss of that infamous No-Hunt Zone. Even if you leaked intel about his residences and the Onychinus base to the Hunter’s Association, Sylus still had a few tricks up his sleeve. He had hideouts in places that even you weren’t aware of, and the residents of the N109 Zone were loyal to him. Too loyal that they wouldn’t give any information to anyone no matter the consequences. 

And how foolish were you to forget about Mephisto’s existence?

“Caw! Caw!”

The mechanical crow’s eyes glowed with the same red hue as Sylus’s as it landed on his arm, projecting visions of you entering the underground fight club disguised in an Onychinus uniform. It was almost farcical that you thought you could infiltrate a place Sylus frequented unnoticed.

But then, the vision shifted to you speeding on a motorcycle with a truck in hot pursuit. Sylus quickly recognized the truck’s decals—it was the hitman he often employed for dealing with his enemies, now terrorizing you in a high-speed chase. Without hesitation, Sylus grabbed his leather jacket and mounted his own bike, racing to your location in sixth gear.

He arrived just a minute too late. And what was meant to be a dramatic reunion turned into a scene of you lying unconscious and injured on the road, while the hitman grinned nearby with an expression of triumph. If it hadn’t been for your helmet, Sylus would have been met with the gruesome sight of your shattered skull.

“Mr. Sylus!” the hitman exclaimed, jumping out of his truck with arms outstretched in petty victory. “Can I get the $500,000,000 in cash?”

As Sylus’s gaze fell on your unconscious, injured body sprawled on the ground, a surge of anguish overwhelmed him in ways he couldn’t understand. But it was quickly replaced by seething rage—rage that made him summon his black-red mist, enveloping the hitman in its dark tendrils.

“I said not to harm her,” Sylus growled, his red eye glowing ominously against the desolate highway backdrop. “You failed your task.”

“P-Please, Mr. Sylus! I thought you—”

Without another word, Sylus scooped you up in his arms while his mist dealt with the hitman behind him. The hitman’s desperate cries were soon drowned out by the expanding tendrils, which tightened around him until he was engulfed. Then, in a violent burst, the mist exploded, reducing the hitman and everything around him to dust.

Sylus brought you to his underground hideout immediately after. And an unfamiliar—or perhaps strange—pang tugged at his heart as he gently laid you in bed, his gaze lingering on the road rash you obtained from the crash. The injuries were severe, with patches of skin nearly stripped away in the most brutal fashion he could think of. He could only imagine the burning pain you had to endure as soon as you skidded along the gravel, and Sylus felt his own frustrations knocking at the door knowing that he didn’t have the power to extend his fast-healing abilities to you.

“Tch. My kitten’s reckless as always, riding without the proper gear,” Sylus grumbled, looking at your unconscious body. “You’ve never been one to follow the rules, have you?”

To make up for his inability to save you on time, he applied a potent medicinal ointment all over your body and placed you in an anesthetized state while you healed. His mist enveloped you like a protective shroud the entire time you laid in bed unconscious. Every single day, Sylus tended to your wounds, changing your clothes and bandages, and applying the ointments over your bare body. He even took special care to ensure the twins did not enter your room without his permission. 

Despite the care he showed, a persistent question echoed in his mind: Why am I doing this for you? You were his enemy, a traitor, and a woman who had betrayed him. It didn’t make sense. 

That afternoon, feeling suffocated from this internal conflict, Sylus decided to leave you in the care of Luke and Kieran while he went to Linkon. He knew he needed space to grapple with the feelings that were driving him to care for you in the first place.

He needed to see the real woman he should be caring for. 

Because you had not only exposed intel on Sylus and Onychinus to the Hunter’s Association, you also asked for them to isolate Diana so she would have no way to see or contact him. Who knew that mere feelings of jealousy would spark you to do such trivial things? 

Frankly, you were insane. You were dark and twisted like him. 

But in a way, it only underscored how similarly deranged the two of you were. Perhaps, in your madness, there was a strange compatibility—one that Sylus found unsettlingly fitting. The suggestion of you two being more a suitable pair than he and Diana gave him an unease that he couldn’t simply shake away. 

It should be her. Her. Just her and her alone. He dedicated his whole life into finding her, yet you came into his life to ruin the foundations he had built to meet the person he was supposedly destined for. He had repeated it over and over in his mind like a broken record—the voices in his head telling him to let you go, to hurt you, to make you suffer. 

However, as he stood across the pedestrian crossing, watching Diana from afar, a realization hit him like a cold gust of wind. There she was, oblivious to his presence on the other side, but the spark that once ignited in his heart whenever he saw her was gone. Now, his pulse remained steady and his heart stayed still.

With a wary glance around, mindful of any watchful eyes, he decided to pick up his phone and ring hers. It was a good thing he was able to seamlessly blend into the crowd, with his practiced nonchalance making him invisible among the throng of people. After all, he was Sylus Qin, the mastermind of Onychinus—disguise was second nature to him.

“Sylus?” Her voice came through the line, tentative and filled with a mix of emotions as she scanned the faces on the other side of the crossing.

“According to the conditions set by the Hunter’s Association, we shouldn’t be meeting again.” His voice was steady, almost detached, as he kept the phone pressed to his ear. “Or if not, you will be marked as a Tenebra.” 

Her eyes eventually found him amidst the walking crowd, keeping an expression on her face that showed both longing and forlornness. “Not the first time someone has been marked a Tenebra because of you,” she managed to slip in a snarky remark in her worried expression. “Are you hurt? Did they hurt you?” 

“Are you worried about me?” he nonchalantly asked, watching as she stepped off the curb when the light turned green. Each step was a step closer to him, but nothing changed the pace of his own heartbeat like it should have. Nothing stirred within him as it once did.

“You have the audacity to use a phone when you’re right in front of me,” she snapped, frustration flaring as she yanked the phone from his grasp. Without hesitation, she grabbed his arm, dragging him along with her to escape the dangers of being seen in public. They ended up in an alleyway, a place hidden from prying eyes, an irony that made Sylus chuckle under his breath. The alleyway. Why has that become such a memorable place to him? “Sylus, what’s so funny? I was so scared something happened to you! You couldn’t even call me back or text me the past few days?”

He remained expressionless as he observed her outburst. Strange. In her frantic worry, she reminded him of you, and it was a discomfiting parallel that sent chills down his spine. “I said I’d need to disappear from your life completely, so I have to tie up loose ends,” he began, each word seemingly a dagger to her heart. “We haven’t been able to resonate either way, sweetie. There’s no reason for us to keep meeting.” 

“No!” she adamantly denied the thought, pulling him into an embrace. “No, you’re not allowed to disappear just like that! We need to find a way to get—”

“It’s a dangerous gamble to be caught in my world,” he said in a low voice. 

But she was stubborn. “I’m already caught in it! So, please, Sylus, take me with you. Take me to the N109 Zone or wherever you’re hiding. I want to be where you are.” And in spite, she uttered words that made Sylus think twice about his perception of you. “It’s her fault that this is all happening. She’s a traitor to you and to the Association. Her loyalty isn’t with anyone but herself, Sylus. She’s the one who needs to disappear!”

~~

Back at his hideout, Sylus was careful to ensure that Diana remained oblivious to your presence in another room. He was already grappling with how to manage the situation—torn between the woman he loved and the woman he had wronged who, ironically, were both now under the same roof. The thought of you two crossing paths was a nightmare he didn’t want to deal with, so he gave strict orders to the twins, notorious for their loose lips and loud mouths, to keep Diana far from you.

Because when Sylus returned to your room, he knew you were awake. The dark classical music playing from the vinyl record had likely stirred you from unconsciousness. It had been nearly a week since the crash, but thanks to his meticulous care, your wounds had mostly healed, leaving only faint scars behind.

“You can’t hide from me forever.” Sylus hovered over you to whisper into your ear, summoning his protective black-red mist to slowly release you. “Wake up, kitten. We have unfinished business.” 

When you finally opened your eyes after what felt like an eternity, Sylus told himself it was natural to feel relieved, that it was only right for his heart to soften at the sight of you returning to consciousness. But as you awoke, the voices in his head—the damned, relentless voices—grew louder, mocking him, provoking him, and luring him into darker thoughts. His right eye began to glow like a flickering candle, and when he saw the fear on your face, the words that followed weren’t his own. They were driven by the unforgiving side of him he couldn’t control, a side that thrived on your terror. The beast that couldn’t be tamed. 

She’s a traitor.

Punish her. 

Hurt her. 

Devour her. 

While in a heated, dramatic exchange with you, Sylus was spewing words he didn’t mean. He was doing actions without regard. He was mocking your pain. Your jealousy. Your heartbreak. The drive to hurt you was strong in his head, but he fought desperately against it. The demon inside him that tried to consume his every thought. He tried to battle his own self just to protect you. 

“I betrayed you because of her!” 

His laughter died down, but the amusement in his eyes only deepened, replaced by the wicked smile on his face that enjoyed seeing you suffer. “It’s always been about her, hasn’t it? You see me with her, and you can’t stand it. It eats at you, makes you act out.”

You tried to move away, but Sylus pressed his foot firmly on your wrist. She betrayed you, Sylus. Punish her. 

“I’ve seen your struggle,” he continued, his voice soft but laced with corrupt satisfaction. “The way you watched me with her, the way it gnaws at you. It’s almost poetic, really.”

It wasn’t until you reached for the gun on his nightstand, pointing it at yourself, that Sylus snapped out of his dark trance. The horror in his eyes was a stark contrast to the sorrowful shine in yours as you stood there, sobbing in front of him. Each word you spoke was tailed with the pain of a heart shattered by everything he had done and said. 

“...All I wanted was your love,” you choked out with tears cascading down your face, “I j-just wanted you to love me. I turned my back on the H.A. for you. I left all my friends and family for you.” Your breathing was still for a moment, but your heart had already been blown into smithereens. “All I had was you. I loved you. I devoted all my body and soul into loving you, Sylus. Why c-can’t I have even a little bit in return?”

Even as his gaze softened and a flicker of regret passed across his face, you had already made your decision when your finger tightened on the trigger. The recoil jolted your wrist, but before the bullet could find its mark, Sylus’s hand shot out and expertly deflected your aim. Instead of ending your life, the bullet shattered a window, ricocheting off the glass and disappearing into the night.

“Are you out of your mind?!” Sylus roared, his voice a thunderous mix of fury and disbelief.

You were barely responding to him as he cupped your cheeks and forced your lachrymose eyes to lock into his crimson ones. It was as though you had already resigned yourself to reality, that ending your own life would have been a better option than being with the man you hopelessly loved. 

“Y/N,” Sylus tried to shake you awake, desperate for you to look into his eyes. “Y/N! Enough. Let’s end this game.” 

“...I was never playing one with you.”

Sylus was overwhelmed by a profound, indescribable pain that pierced his chest. It was a pain that mirrored yours but was infinitely more intense. “I warned you many times before to never fall in love with me,” he said in a low, softened voice, “It’s for the best, and it’s what will keep you safe. Why don’t you listen?” He longed to pull you into his arms, but the crushing reality was that he only now realized how deeply he cared for you. It was devastating that his awakening had come at the cost of your near-suicide, forced by a love he was unable to return.

Was it truly too late for him to come to terms with his feelings for you? Was it too late to accept that he had fallen in love with you rather than the woman he believed he was meant to be with?

His answer came in the form of a gut-wrenching realization. It manifested in the frantic voice of Diana—the woman he believed he loved, piercing through the haze of his thoughts by yelling, “Sylus, step back!”

“No!” he shouted, his black-red mist swirling to intercept the bullet.

But his efforts came too late. The bullet had already been set in motion, and it tore through the side of your head. 

It penetrated your skull with a cruel precision, not just once but twice. And the warmth of your blood seeped through his fingers as he caught your head before you fell onto the floor. 

Sylus’s mind raced with the enormity of what had just happened. His face grew ashen as he looked at your bloodied head and lifeless eyes, a wave of acid welling up his chest until he couldn’t breath. But the reason for his suffocation was because of his own guilt and grief. It was at the force of a sledgehammer when he was hit with the admission that he had always been in love with you. All along, despite your tangled mess, it was you who had captured his heart in this world.

His chest tightened, his breaths coming in ragged, broken bursts, while he held you close in his arms. And your last three words, your very last words of “I… love… you…” as you stared despairingly at him was icing on this bitter cake. 

No… no! 

He couldn’t fucking accept it. He was losing his mind, he was going insane. He was plunging into madness. Utter hysteria. “Y/N, please,” he begged, his voice breaking as your eyes, once full of life and light, were now glazed over with the sheen of death. “Don’t leave. No, I can’t let this happen!” For the first time in a long time, he once again felt hot tears leaving his eyes. It was an emotion so rare it only ever showed toward the people he deeply cared about. “I love you too,” he struggled to say. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean what I said back there.”

Sylus held you close, disregarding the blood staining his clothes while he was consumed by agony and regret. He had driven you to this, pushed you away, and then drawn you back into his orbit only to lose you forever. 

Though he may have conquered your heart, in doing so, he had only destroyed the both of you. The memory of your love and the warmth of your touch would haunt him for the rest of his days. And as he held your lifeless body, he knew that he would never be whole again.

But it shouldn’t be too late. No, it shouldn’t! He didn’t know if it was the hysteria or adrenaline kicking into him, but he had thought of an idea—no matter how immoral—that would return you back to him. He just couldn’t weigh which strong emotion he had to deal with first; should he grab the gun and shoot Diana out of anger? Or should he ignore her presence entirely and just focus on you?

Sylus chose to proceed with the latter as he carried you through the corridors of the base, his steps heavy with guilt and his shirt drenched in blood as you remained unconscious in his arms. The hunter girl had followed him in his spiritless steps, her eyes wide with confusion over his anguish.

“Sylus, why are you doing this?!” she demanded, grabbing his arm to halt his progress. “She would’ve killed you. That girl’s a traitor!”

Although he stopped in his tracks, he couldn’t really return her gaze. His eyes could only look at your lifeless ones. “That girl you shot in the head,” he spoke low and in despair, “is my woman.” 

Diana was horrified. “But… but you never said—” Before she could finish, the twins intervened, holding her back from pursuing Sylus further. “What about me?”

He had already turned away. “I’ll fulfill my promise to protect you from afar, but this is where our paths part. Do not come near me again.”

~~

Sylus stood over your unconscious body, his eyes bloodshot and tears-streaked, while his heart pounded with a mix of grief and desperation. He had summoned Philip and the finest surgeons he knew to his hideout, where you lay in a medical bed, exposed and vulnerable, as if you were a subject in a desperate experiment.

Philip arrived with a grim expression, his eyes scanning the scene with both skepticism and professional detachment. Sylus could barely contain his desperation as he demanded, “Do everything you can to save her. Even if it means infusing a high-grade protocore in her brain.” After all, he had plenty of that. Sylus had all the resources, protocores of the highest grade, each with their own purpose and capabilities.

Yet Philip hesitated, his face contorting with concern. “Mr. Sylus, you know I can’t do this. She’s gone. The best thing to do is accept—”

That was when Sylus’s composure cracked. He kicked the nearby chair out of rage, tears streaming down his face as he begged, “You’ve done it before. Do it again! Please, I need her to live!”

The sight of Sylus, usually so imposing and dominant, breaking down in front of him was shocking. Philip felt a pang of sympathy toward the Onychinus boss who was willing to do everything for a woman who was already dead. His hands trembled as he spoke, “I-I can try. But I’m warning you, Mr. Sylus… even if she survives this, there’s zero chance her memories will be the same. They may even become altered, and it will be out of our control.”

Sylus’s gaze never left you. “I don’t mind. Just do it.”

~~

Weeks later, Sylus found himself in a secluded alleyway, meeting with a deepspace hunter who was also an enemy of his from another planet. Of course, the atmosphere was tense as both men stood in front of each other, eye-to-eye, carrying a defensive stance from one another. 

They were never friends. But that day, they weren’t enemies either. 

“How’s she?” Xavier broke the silence first. 

Sylus answered with a low voice. “She hasn’t woken up, but she’s stable.”

“Why’d you ask to meet?”

“I want you to look after her,” the Onychinus leader began, his voice steady but carrying an undertone of desperation, “Speak to the Association about taking Y/N back and forgiving her for her betrayal. In return, I’ll step away from Diana’s life. She’s all yours. I just want Y/N to return to her normal life.”

Xavier’s expression was serious. “You’re forgetting you still have a bounty on your head.”

“And you’re forgetting you and your backtrackers destroyed the planet where I was living,” he replied in equal disdain, but only enough to trap Xavier into a wall of guilt and obligation.

“I’ll see what I can do,” said Lumiere—or, in his current form, the deepspace hunter, Xavier. “The HIS will be easy to convince. But what if she wakes up and wants to go back to the N109 Zone?”

Sylus felt a tug of deep sadness pulling at his heart. “She won’t. Her memories of me are gone for good.” 

~~

If this was his karma for hurting you, then it was definitely the worst kind. 

Sylus maintained a distant watch over you after you returned to Linkon, observing from afar as you rejoined your life with the support of the Hunter’s Association and former colleagues. Each day, he sent Mephisto to monitor your whereabouts, carefully tracking your interactions and daily activities. The mechanical crow often returned with glimpses of your life, which Sylus scrutinized with intense focus as if he were watching a movie. Each glimpse offered him a sense of relief, happiness even, at knowing how easy you were settling back into your old life. 

You had been officially dismissed from the Hunter’s Association due to a medical condition that rendered you unfit for duty, but they continued to cover your pension and provided free lodging—likely thanks to Xavier’s persuasive influence over the Association. The official story was that you had been sent on a dangerous mission where a Wanderer had placed you in a life-threatening predicament. The narrative praised your honor and dedication to the end. There was no mention of Sylus, Onychinus, or the N109 Zone. No hint of the life you had once led or the truth behind your memory erasure. 

Yet, in a bitter twist of irony, perhaps the story you were told may not actually be farther from the truth.

After all, Sylus was the dangerous monster that sent you to that life-and-death situation.

But at least now, you were well cared for. So much so that Sylus fought to contain his jealousy whenever Mephisto’s eyes relayed visions of you sharing lunch with a physician named Dr. Zayne. He struggled to mask his irritation as he saw the man drape an arm around your shoulders while guiding you out of the hospital or wrapping a scarf around your neck to keep you warm. He would often even drive you home and send you gifts that were masked as tokens of “recovery.”

Bullshit.

Sylus clenched his fist, his thoughts of jealousy consuming him. My girl, he thought in despair, my beautiful girl is cherished by other men, while he remained imprisoned in the desolate shadows of the N109 Zone, longing for you.

Eventually, Sylus felt an overwhelming urge to see you in person. After discovering that you had taken a job at a café in Bloomshore District, he convinced himself that observing you from a distance wouldn’t cause harm. He just wanted to be near you, to ensure your safety, and to protect you from any potential threats.

As he sat on a nearby bench, Luke joined him with a comment. “Boss, you said we needed to disappear from her life.”

Kieran, taking a seat on Sylus’s other side, added, “Do you think she’d recognize us if we walked into that café? If she doesn’t, I’ll give her a hard time with my orders ‘til she remembers us!”

“Ha ha! Let’s do that!” 

“Boss, let’s go!” 

“Leave her be.” Sylus took a deep breath, adjusting his sunglasses and setting aside his newspaper—part of his disguise—as he watched you through the café window. He noticed the subtle traces of familiarity in your actions, but the connections that once bound you were now distant memories. “...I’m just here to make sure no one’s bothering her.”

The truth was, he wrestled with his emotions each time he visited the café you were working at. He wanted to approach you, to speak to you, but he hesitated each time because of the fear of rejection and the pain of seeing you not remember him holding him back. There were so many what-ifs in his head that it drove him insane to think about. 

Because if anything, what if you were already seeing someone else? What if you were already in a relationship with that scumbag doctor from the Akso Hospital? 

It was petty jealousy that drove Sylus into stepping into the café. And the first time your eyes met since you resurrected, his heart initially froze, then raced uncontrollably. His heart swelled with hope as you looked up at him, but it was quickly replaced by the lack of recognition in your eyes the moment you spoke from the counter. 

“Hi. What can I get you?” you asked, treating him no differently than any other customer. 

Sylus was caught off-guard, but he knew he had to play the part. “I, uh, I’ll get an Americano. Large.” 

“Alright, sir. And your name, please?” you asked, following your routine without any real interest in the man before you. 

But in a way, this was a relief for Sylus. It confirmed that the protocore embedded in your head was functioning as intended, and that any dark memories from the past had been completely erased, even if it meant he was no longer part of your life. 

“Skye,” he said with a soft smile. “That’s my name.”

~~

There wasn’t a single day Sylus missed visiting the café. 

At first, he worried that his constant presence might seem odd, or that you might think of him as a stalker. But as the days passed, seeing you became an essential part of his routine. A day without catching a glimpse of you felt incomplete, almost maddening. Seeing you was like a drug he couldn’t get enough of.

Initially, you found his regular visits a bit strange, but gradually, the small interactions between you two evolved. Sylus began to appear at the café just when you needed him most—whether it was fixing a broken coffee machine, addressing rude customers, or simply offering a helping hand. These acts of kindness somehow transformed your view of him. What started as a customer-service relationship slowly became more personable, and in recent days, you often greeted him warmly and smiled whenever he walked in. If only you knew how badly it warmed his heart that he got to do things for you without making him feel like he was intruding in your life.

And to be honest, Sylus even felt like he might be—as Luke termed it—foolishly ”crushing” on you. 

“Who knew our boss-man could be a hopeless romantic~?”

There was a time when he visited the café, only to find out from your manager that you called in sick from work. Sylus knew where you lived, but going to your place uninvited was a different story. He had to put some boundaries no matter how worried he was for you. But that was when Mephisto became useful; the mechanical crow would simply fly off to your place and observe you from outside. Then, an idea to drop a box of medicines and chocolates at your balcony was something he had thought of at the last minute. 

Back in the N109 Zone, Sylus anxiously looked at his crow. “Are you sure she didn’t see you?” 

“Caw! Caw!” 

“Did she eat the chocolates?” he asked, exhaling a deep breath he didn’t think he was holding.

“Caw! Caw! Caaaw!” Mephisto responded, fluttering its wings as if to reassure him.

~~

And then, that day happened. 

The day Sylus finally gathered the courage to ask you out, fate had other plans. And what began as a simple gesture to offer you a ride home during a stormy night quickly escalated into something far more intense.

Because one moment, he was offering you a ride. The next, he found himself in your bed, having the most passionate sex he had ever had with someone. He wasn’t even sure if he could call it that, because it felt more like he was making love to you, even if to you, he was probably just an attractive guy you unexpectedly hooked up with. 

So, he had to make himself known. He had to hear his real name leaving your lips. “Sylus,” he breathed into your ear, hands tracing your curves, “Call me Sylus, kitten.” 

That night, he was an insatiable man who could only be satisfied by his woman. 

When he was buried far too deep inside you, he enjoyed the sight of ecstasy on your face and lavished at the sounds of your titillating moans with his every thrust. Not only did he miss the feeling of your walls tightening around his shaft, he also remembered how badly you used to want him to cum inside you. 

And so, he did just that. At his climax, he released hot spurts of seed into your womb, fulfilling a wish from the past that he used to deprive you of. 

But as the night progressed and the heat of the moment faded, the conversation shifted to a more profound and emotional terrain. Sylus wrestled with the urge to reveal the truth about his true identity—every painful detail and the secrets he kept from you. Yet, he knew that doing so would only complicate matters further and risk causing you more pain. The idea of hurting you again, after such a meaningful connection, was unbearable to him, especially now that you were still fragile as glass, ready to shatter at any moment. 

“Why do I get the feeling that I was the one who experienced a one-sided love before?” 

“No, you were loved. You were very loved. There was no one else,” he pressed, forcing you to believe the narrative with his rueful eyes staring back at you. “I was the one who wasn’t worthy of you… But I’d like to try and win your heart again this time. If you allow it.” 

“Sylus… I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry for not recognizing you before. I just… I lost a chunk of my memories, and I don’t know if it’s been altered or what, but…” He caressed your back as you took a deep breath. “I’ll try to remember, okay?”

“Please don’t.” He shook his head, crestfallen as he thought of the past that was rightfully erased. “And there’s no need for apologies, sweetie. There wasn’t anything you did wrong.” 

~~

Your relationship with Sylus remained unclear since that night. And it seemed as though the roles had reversed—now he was the one left wondering where he stood in your life. Because on the surface, it did seem like you were willing to work on building a relationship with him again, but every encounter you two had were always physical rather than emotional. 

Sylus found himself at your apartment frequently, three or more times a week, engaging in intense, passionate encounters. He had lost track of how many times you two could do it in a single night, exploring every possible position, in every corner of your home. He had tried his hardest to make you feel like he was the only man who was more familiar with every inch of your body than anyone else. Yet, despite the physical closeness, he sensed that the emotional barriers between you remained intact.

No matter how deeply intertwined your bodies became, the walls around your heart remained firmly in place, and Sylus knew that there was a part of you he still couldn’t reach.

That, and the fact that he was still seeing you interact a little too closely with that doctor from Akso. 

It somehow didn’t surprise you when Sylus’s car showed up outside the hospital to pick you up, and you got on with a guarded look. 

“How’s it for my kitten today?” Sylus asked as he secured your seatbelt, his lips brushing against yours in a quick peck. “You didn’t mention you’d be at the hospital.”

You shifted uncomfortably, avoiding his gaze. “Oh, I just... didn’t think I needed to inform you of my whereabouts.”

Dammit. He knew you weren’t officially together, but it hurt more than he cared to admit. And it didn’t help that Sylus’s pride couldn’t naturally take it, so he probed more. “That doctor. He’s not your neurologist, is he? It seems a little inappropriate for him to always be around you like that.”

“Well, I’ve known Zayne for a long time,” you merely replied, eyes focused on the view outside rather than the driver of the car. “I’d also appreciate it if you'd be less territorial over me, Sylus. I know you said we have a history together, but I don’t remember a thing, so… I hope you won’t rush me.” 

The Sylus you knew back then would have been enraged. Who were you to order him around? Who were you to tell him what he should and shouldn’t do over someone he rightfully owned? But he was a changed man now, and it was all because of you. You were the beauty that tamed him into a powerless beast.

“I understand,” Sylus replied, swallowing his pride as his hands tightened around the steering wheel, focusing on the road ahead. “I apologize.”

He heard you sigh beside him, and a part of him wondered if it was out of sympathy. But before he could dwell on it, you spoke up, your tone more serious. “I was at the hospital today because I had a pregnancy scare.”

Sylus hit the brakes at the red light a bit too abruptly, his heart racing in excitement. “Are you?”

“No, thank God,” you breathed out in relief. “But... can you please stop doing it inside? I really don’t like it. It’s not smart for me to get pregnant by a man I barely know.”

His chest tightened in a way he couldn’t describe. The old you nearly begged him for a baby so he could be yours forever, but he was aware that this version of you right now was not the same. It never would be, and that was the price he had to pay for love. 

“I won’t do it again.” Once again, swallowing his pride. “I’m sorry.” 

You still invited him to sleep at your apartment that night, and your reason being to work on the memories of him you had lost. Time and time again did Sylus tell you it was better you didn’t remember them, but he could also understand your dilemma when you told him that you always felt like a piece of you was missing ever since that “accident”. 

“And this ugly scar on my temple,” you pointed it out, settling into your side of the bed. “What kind of Wanderer did I fight for me to get a traumatic brain injury?”

Sylus placed a tender kiss on your scar. “Perhaps it was a heartless monster more terrifying than a Wanderer.” 

Like me. 

“Oh, well.” You pulled the sheets over your body, suggesting you two would have no action tonight. “Good night, Sylus.” 

“...Sleep tight, kitten.” 

You didn’t need to worry, though, because he wouldn’t have touched you even if you had explicitly asked him to. After hearing your words that afternoon—about not wanting to get pregnant by him and asking him to stop being so territorial—Sylus felt the need to pull back and be more cautious in his actions toward you. Your words had cut deep, but he understood you were only protecting yourself from a man who was, essentially, still a stranger to you.

And despite the sting, he had promised himself that he would be patient for the only woman he cared about.

~~

However, that same night was a different story. 

No, it was actually way past midnight when Sylus woke up from an agonizing scream that pierced the silence of the night, chilling him to the bone. Instinctively, his hand reached out to the side of the bed where you should have been, but the sheets were cold and empty. And then panic gripped him, forcing him to leap out of bed, his mind racing with a single horrifying thought: the protocore.

He darted outside of your bedroom and deeper into your apartment space, his eyes scanning every shadow, every corner. The image of you, eyes wild and frenzied, ravaged by the effects of the protocore, haunted him.

What if it’s happening now? What if I lose her for good?

The horrifying thought of the protocore making you berserk like a wild Wanderer was always there.

His heart nearly stopped when he saw you on the kitchen floor, curled up, your body wracked with sobs. Relief washed over him to have found you, but it was fleeting, replaced by a deeper, more insidious fear. He tried to approach you cautiously, his voice soft as he placed his hands on your shoulders, “Sweetie, are you okay?”

You flinched at his touch, and when you turned to face him, the sight made his blood run cold. Your eyes, usually so warm, were now wide and filled with tears—tears of terror, of anger. And in your trembling hand, you held a knife, its blade gleaming in the low light as you pointed it directly at his throat.

“Don’t come any closer!” you cried, your voice breaking at every word. Sylus froze, his breath catching in his throat as your sudden hostility surprised him. The knife’s tip hovered dangerously close to his skin, but it wasn’t the threat of violence that shook him—it was the raw, unfiltered pain in your eyes.

“Kitten, let’s talk about it calmly.” His voice was laced with cautiousness. 

“Stop calling me that!” You swallowed hard, your grip on the knife tightening. “You! I had a nightmare... about you. But it felt real, like a memory. You were torturing me at your base, laughing... and then, you shot me in the head.”

Sylus’s heart dropped into his stomach at hearing your altered memory. He felt his soul tear apart at the edges as he stared into your tear-streaked face. “It was just a dream. It wasn’t real, kitten.”

But you weren’t listening. “But is it also not real? That you…” You uttered each word with a threatening voice, “are the boss of Onychinus?”

The question hit him like a physical blow. He opened his mouth to answer, but the words were stuck in his throat and refused to form. He was trapped. The situation felt like a dead end—he could deny that your dream was a real memory, but admitting he was the leader of Onychinus would only validate that lie.

His silence alone was an answer to you. And your expression crumbled into one of betrayal at that. “You lied to me! You’ve been lying to me this whole time. How am I supposed to believe anything you say now?”

The anger in your voice enforced the stillness of Sylus’s breath. He knew he had no saving grace from this situation, but still, he took a step closer, his hands raised in a placating gesture. “Y/N, I never wanted to hurt you—”

“Get out!” you screamed, the knife shaking in your hand. The sight of you so broken, so shattered, tore him apart. “Get the hell out of my sight! I don’t wanna see you ever again, you monster!”

But Sylus couldn’t leave—not like this, not when you were hurting because of him. So in his desperation, he lunged forward, grabbed your wrist, and forced the knife into his own chest. The sharp pain radiated through him as he plunged the blade in and stabbed himself repeatedly, his face twisted in agony, but not from the physical pain. This was nothing compared to the torment of knowing he was the source of your suffering. Again. 

“Even if I can’t die,” he choked out, his voice ragged as he tried to absorb the stinging ache in his chest, “I’ll take all of this pain away from you.”

His own blood soaked his fingers, staining your hands as he released his grip on the knife. It fell on the floor as he stepped back, his heart aching more than his wounds ever could, but those wounds easily healed. The pain of losing you again, on the other hand, would never heal.

He looked at you one last time, seeing his monstrous reflection from your frightened eyes, before turning away. Sylus walked out of the apartment with heavy steps, feeling his soul crushed from your antagonism. He knew he had lost you—perhaps forever—and the realization was more than he could bear.

~~

A haze of cigarette smoke and the clink of glasses filled the air of the bar. Sylus sat alone at the counter, his new glass of whiskey untouched as he stared blankly into the amber liquid. The sting of alcohol was nothing compared to the numbness that had settled in his heart after that agonizing night with you. Every swallow of the hard liquor was a desperate attempt to drown out the torment of recent events, but the pain lingered, and it was damn persistent and unforgiving.

As he poured himself another drink, the muffled sounds of conversation around him blended into a dull roar. That was until a familiar voice cut through the haze—someone he wished he hadn’t come across.

“Sylus?” 

He looked up, squinting against the dim light, to see Diana standing before him. He hadn’t seen him for the past year or so. And surely, her presence was unexpected, but he felt a sudden tinge of irritation at the sight of her. While her, she looked both apprehensive and determined, as if she had just made a hard decision to confront him. 

“H-How have you been?” she asked the question as a conversation starter, but Sylus could see the faint hint of unease in her eyes.

He then straightened up, and his posture became stiff and defensive. “I told you it’s not wise for us to cross paths,” he said curtly, his voice slurred from the alcohol but still holding a note of finality. He didn’t want to engage, not with her, not tonight.

On the one hand, Diana’s eyes flickered with an emotion he couldn’t quite place—regret, perhaps. “I… I wanted to say sorry for what happened with Y/N. I didn’t realize how much she meant to you. Xavier… told me everything. About you and her.”

The apology was genuine, but the mention of your name was a fresh wound, and he felt the anger and sadness surge again, bubbling beneath his carefully maintained exterior. He wanted to lash out, to blame her for everything, but he swallowed the words, knowing it wouldn’t change a thing. In the end, this was all his doing and he couldn’t point fingers over the mess that he alone had created.

Sylus tried to stand up, the room spinning slightly as he steadied himself. “I’m leaving.”

But Diana stepped closer, her hand reaching out as if to stop him. He simply brushed past her, his movements unsteady but undeniably distancing from her. The desire to remain composed was slipping away, replaced by the harsh reality he faced every day since you were taken from him.

He made his way to the exit, pushing through the bar’s heavy door with a forceful shove. Sylus’s next move was to lean against the wall outside as the cool winter breeze blew on his face. 

“Boss.” Kieran’s voice held a note of concern as he and his twin steadied Sylus by wrapping his arms around their shoulders. “We’ll take you home.”

Luke glanced at his brother with a sad glint in his eyes before leading Sylus toward the car. “Maybe it’s time to let her go, boss.”

~~

February nights were the coldest. And it was supposedly the day for lovers, too. 

Unlike the couples that littered the riverside, Sylus stood alone, his breath forming small clouds in the frigid air. His dark coat offered little protection against the biting wind, but he stayed committed, his gaze fixed on the empty expanse before him. Four hours had passed since he had sent you the message, and each minute he stood there waiting for you felt like an eternity. The biting cold gnawed at him, but he was determined to wait even if he’d end up getting frostbite. It was the least he could do.

The frozen river’s surface glistened with a thousand points of light as the moon cast its silver glow over the landscape. And for the next thirty minutes that passed, he was still alone. 

She won’t be coming, said the voice in his head. Give up. 

As he prepared to leave, the ache of disappointment settled in his chest, and his heart skipped a beat as he recognized you, standing cautiously across him, your eyes wide and filled with both curiosity and trepidation. The sight of you, despite waiting in the cold for hours, instantly warmed his freezing body. 

“Thank you for coming.” He took a deep breath, his voice trembling slightly as he spoke. “I won’t keep you long.” 

You maintained your distance, wary of his next move. “Why did you want to meet?” 

With a slow, deliberate motion, he began to peel the scarf from around your neck, and he felt a prick in his heart seeing you flinch. “I’m not gonna hurt you.”

He waited until you allowed him to proceed, his fingers brushing against your skin in a touch that was both gentle and reverent. You looked at him with confusion, the chilly air fought by the warmth of your breath. Sylus was just carefully replacing the scarf with the necklace he had given you long ago, the red Beryl crystal catching the light and sending soft, radiant glimmers into the night. 

Do you even recognize it? 

“I’m just returning a gift, kitten.”

As he fastened the clasp behind your neck, he pressed a tender kiss to the nape of your neck, his lips lingering for a moment before he straightened. That small gesture of his was actually carried by the depth of his affection and regret. And, if you may, it was his silent apology for all that he did to you.

“Sylus…” 

His red eyes shimmered, intensified by the bloodshot whites. Sylus stared at your face with a mixture of love and ruefulness clouding his expression. He was looking at you like you were the most precious thing in the world. And he struggled to hold back the tears that threatened to spill, with his voice breaking as he feathered the snowflakes that rested on your hair. “Take care of yourself. Always lock your doors at night and stay warm.” He took the scarf Zayne gave you, and pulled out a new one from his coat. It was a silly scarf with kitten prints all over it, that he soon carefully wrapped around your face and neck. “Wear that whenever you can.” 

Your own eyes were large and rimmed with tears as though you were also hurting inside. “Why are you saying this?” you asked, keeping the weakness inside. “You sound like you’re saying goodbye.” 

Sylus’s gaze was suddenly directed back to the river, but it was only because he had to avoid looking at your eyes or he would lose it. “The Association managed to track me here in Linkon and they’re still after me. I just managed to escape, but I can’t stay here,” he explained calmly, “I only came back to this city because of you… But now, I have to disappear, so don’t worry about having me around. I won’t bother you anymore.”

Your eyes widened in shock, and the tears that had been pooling your eyes finally spilled over. “Are you crazy?” you cried, seemingly unable to comprehend the words he was spewing. “You’re leaving me?”

Sylus’s heart broke at the sight of your tears, but he had to restrain any weakness by giving in. Instead, he reached out, and his hand trembled as he wiped a tear from your cheek. “I love you, Y/N.” He wanted to be the first one to say it this time. “Even if you regain all your memories of me—good or bad—I want you to know that I regret every pain I caused you. Even if you hate me, I’ll still love you. Today, tomorrow, and in our next lives.”

Sylus took one last, lingering look at you, his eyes filled with a sorrowful haze that nearly blinded his vision. He turned slowly, walking away from the river’s edge, with each step causing distance from the love he was leaving behind.

And you, you stood there, the necklace around your neck feeling heavy as you watched him disappear into the night. A surge of emotion overwhelmed you, and without thinking, you sprinted towards him. You took quick, long strides just to reach him, pulling him into a tight embrace, and crashing your lips against his in a bittersweet kiss.

Both of you cried as the kiss deepened, and you were encasing each other’s lips in a tight lock. The intensity of your emotions poured out in this poignant, intimate moment. And frankly, Sylus had never been this emotional. No one had ever seen this fragile side of him that he had always kept hidden. After all, what dominant, cruel boss of Onychinus would spill tears over a woman?

But they wouldn’t understand it. They never would. 

When you finally pulled away, your eyes were red and swollen from tears. “Be careful,” you sniffled, barely unable to catch the breath you needed for the next. “Keep in touch if you can. And when I’m ready, I’ll find you.”

Sylus’s eyes were also filled with tears, but he managed a forlorn smile as he nodded. He reached out to brush a strand of hair from your face, his touch gentle despite the heaviness of the moment. “I’ll wait,” he promised softly, his voice breaking slightly. “I’ll wait for you, no matter how long it takes.”

“Until we meet again.”

As he stepped back, the distance between you seemed impossibly vast, but the promise in your eyes and the love in his heart made the separation bearable, if only just. And when Sylus turned away, his heart was heavy but full of the hope that one day, you would find each other again. That one day, this distant love would become a cherished memory that you would look back on as you grow old and wrinkled, yet insurmountably happy and content with the life you had lived. With or without him.

PREVIOUS PART

[wordstome]

how c.ai works and why it's unethical

Okay, since the AI discourse is happening again, I want to make this very clear, because a few weeks ago I had to explain to a (well meaning) person in the community how AI works. I'm going to be addressing people who are maybe younger or aren't familiar with the latest type of "AI", not people who purposely devalue the work of creatives and/or are shills.

The name "Artificial Intelligence" is a bit misleading when it comes to things like AI chatbots. When you think of AI, you think of a robot, and you might think that by making a chatbot you're simply programming a robot to talk about something you want them to talk about, and it's similar to an rp partner. But with current technology, that's not how AI works. For a breakdown on how AI is programmed, CGP grey made a great video about this several years ago (he updated the title and thumbnail recently)

I HIGHLY HIGHLY recommend you watch this because CGP Grey is good at explaining, but the tl;dr for this post is this: bots are made with a metric shit-ton of data. In C.AI's case, the data is writing. Stolen writing, usually scraped fanfiction.

How do we know chatbots are stealing from fanfiction writers? It knows what omegaverse is [SOURCE] (it's a Wired article, put it in incognito mode if it won't let you read it), and when a Reddit user asked a chatbot to write a story about "Steve", it automatically wrote about characters named "Bucky" and "Tony" [SOURCE].

I also said this in the tags of a previous reblog, but when you're talking to C.AI bots, it's also taking your writing and using it in its algorithm: which seems fine until you realize 1. They're using your work uncredited 2. It's not staying private, they're using your work to make their service better, a service they're trying to make money off of.

"But Bucca," you might say. "Human writers work like that too. We read books and other fanfictions and that's how we come up with material for roleplay or fanfiction."

Well, what's the difference between plagiarism and original writing? The answer is that plagiarism is taking what someone else has made and simply editing it or mixing it up to look original. You didn't do any thinking yourself. C.AI doesn't "think" because it's not a brain, it takes all the fanfiction it was taught on, mixes it up with whatever topic you've given it, and generates a response like in old-timey mysteries where somebody cuts a bunch of letters out of magazines and pastes them together to write a letter.

(And might I remind you, people can't monetize their fanfiction the way C.AI is trying to monetize itself. Authors are very lax about fanfiction nowadays: we've come a long way since the Anne Rice days of terror. But this issue is cropping back up again with BookTok complaining that they can't pay someone else for bound copies of fanfiction. Don't do that either.)

Bottom line, here are the problems with using things like C.AI:

It is using material it doesn't have permission to use and doesn't credit anybody. Not only is it ethically wrong, but AI is already beginning to contend with copyright issues.

C.AI sucks at its job anyway. It's not good at basic story structure like building tension, and can't even remember things you've told it. I've also seen many instances of bots saying triggering or disgusting things that deeply upset the user. You don't get that with properly trigger tagged fanworks.

Your work and your time put into the app can be taken away from you at any moment and used to make money for someone else. I can't tell you how many times I've seen people who use AI panic about accidentally deleting a bot that they spent hours conversing with. Your time and effort is so much more stable and well-preserved if you wrote a fanfiction or roleplayed with someone and saved the chatlogs. The company that owns and runs C.AI can not only use whatever you've written as they see fit, they can take your shit away on a whim, either on purpose or by accident due to the nature of the Internet.

DON'T USE C.AI, OR AT THE VERY BARE MINIMUM DO NOT DO THE AI'S WORK FOR IT BY STEALING OTHER PEOPLES' WORK TO PUT INTO IT. Writing fanfiction is a communal labor of love. We share it with each other for free for the love of the original work and ideas we share. Not only can AI not replicate this, but it shouldn't.

(also, this goes without saying, but this entire post also applies to ai art)

[crystalartsandanimation]

Okay, it's 10:30 in the morning, I'm running on two hours of sleep, but I really want to get my thoughts out about the new episode (and wow, it's absolutely safe to say that all of us were not expecting this to happen because we usually get an announcement about a week or two before the premiere, so that's very mind-blowing (should I mention the fact that it came out on Chosen's birthday?)).

Spoilers under the cut:

Yep, as the others pointed out, the gray stick figure is confirmed to be Victim, as proven by this detail here:

And his main goal reveals to be getting revenge on Alan since his presumed death around 17 years ago. Though it's still not confirmed on how he was able to escape his deletion. I did hear a theory, however, and I think it was posted in the first episode of AvA VI, that Adobe Flash does save a temporary file, so that might explain how he escaped. Whatever the case may be, there's no doubt that this will be one hell of a family reunion once Alan and Victim meet face-t0-face again after all those years.

And how to do that? He's going to have Yellow bring him in. Theory correct that Yellow's going to be playing a major part in the story because of how there were two scenes in which he was the first to appear (one where Second started using his pencil to fight off the mercenaries, and one where the mercenaries took off with a paused Chosen and Second), and how he was the first to lead the stick figures in the direction the fight was taking place after arriving (all details in AvA VI: Episode 1 - Wanted, of course).

----

The fight scene... wow...

And I'm getting major callbacks to Animator vs. Animation (original) once the clones were pulled out...

And the fact that we get to see all of this in 3D...

The hammer...

The shuriken (I think that's what it's called)...

The sword...

The... whatever this is... bullet-like projectiles?...

(Edit: They're keyframes, I've heard about this from a couple different places.)

The lasso...

But I feel so bad for Chosen at the same time. Victim, what are you doing to him? 😭😭😭😭 He's becoming more dangerous by the minute...

And don't even get me started on Second; the poor stick figure finally found out that he does have powers... by accident...

Oh, I couldn't imagine the thoughts that are running through his head right now. I couldn't even imagine what he would be thinking if he found out about Alan's past...

[fishhawish]

‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.From the House of Hearth

Lyney x Reader Angst

Requested but I accidentally posted the draft instead of saving it D:

★

Warnings: depression mention, cheating, kinda self harm

.

Requested by @sailorstar9 I'm so sorry for deleting the original on accident. The Gorou one should hopefully be out by tomorrow if I don't need to go back to the hospital.

.

Request: Lyney watches reader walk down the isle with their new husband after He tossed their relationship aside to have a 2 week fling with Lumine.

.

I love this request so much I might write a part 2 / two way ending like a fluff and angst yk

⋆｡°✩ ⋆⁺｡˚⋆˙‧₊✩₊‧˙⋆˚｡⁺⋆ ✩°｡⋆

.・゜゜・　　・゜゜・．

｡･ﾟﾟ･　　 ･ﾟﾟ･｡

.

.

.

He who gave her rainbow roses. He who left his siblings to be with her. He who put her on the VIP list of every show. He who only wanted to be with Her. He who loved her popularity and fame. He who tossed aside everything, even You just for the almighty traveler. And Yet he has never given You a rainbow rose. He has never left Lynette or Freminet to spend time with you. He replaced you on the VIP list.

You thought you could trust him, I until the night of his performance at the Opera House. Swinging open the door, excited with a gift for him and ready to give him a good luck kiss. But it wasn't meant to happen. There the two where, in each others embrace kissing each other's cheeks and laughing happily together. Just as You and him once did.

Upon him noticing you, he did not even bat an eye. He simply did not care. He started at You, not smiling, no interest or loving expression that he used to hold when he looked at You. You could see it when he looked back at her, how his eyes lit up, how he smiled and came alive. But his next words are what truly broke You. The words that broke him too.

"My sincerest apologies, but I'm afraid it doesn't matter now does it?"

"oh please don't cry now, I don't want to deal with you. He said confidently. Lumine looking at him with confusion and guilt on her expression. He turns back to her "do not pay mind to my mistake." Lumine looking at You in an apologetic way before she pushed Lyney away and walks out of the room instantly. You did not see a face expression on him before you too turned around and left the room.

It's such a shame he threw away years of his relationship to be with her for only two weeks.

Years of healing, trying to trust again, was a very difficult process. But eventually it happens, when You meet your now significant other. The true man of your dreams. Better than any of your exes could ever hope to achieve. And now here You are walking down the isle, most beautiful and elegant clothing on. Flowers decorating the beautiful isle that You will walk down.

You and Lyney are still friends, yes. But he can only think why You would even consider torturing him so much by inviting him. Surely you know this pains him in the worst way possible right? His every regret flooding back to him, the way he misses you. The way he misses your affection, your voice, your scent, your quirks even your flaws.

Ever since his mistake that day, his fling with Lumine. The worst day of his life, his reason for his loss of motivation, his loss of happiness, his loss of light. He is completely dull, like a burn out lightbulb. He's tried so hard to win you back over, but he knows he's failed. He knows he's failed you, failed his siblings, failed himself.

Every night to ensure he can get away from his emotions he picks up a bottle. Ruining his health too.

Lumine in her dress, elegant and sweet, after the incident he lost her too. Lumine, who left Lyney after she realized her mistake. Lumine who apologized to You and became close to You. Lumine who did the right thing compared to Lyney. She's a bridesmaid.

He stares as You as You walk down the isle, ready to call yourself officially married with your significant other. Lyney's chest aching, he can feel his heart beat in his chest. Sounds being lost to him as he tears up. Aching stomach and the inability to stop himself from acting out.

"Does anyone have any objections?"

"WAIT! Please.. I object." Was all that could be heard.

★

Finished

Thinking about writing a part 2 like mentioned earlier

REQS OPEN AS USUAL SLOW RESPONSE DUE TO HEALTH ISSUES

[transmascanakin]

For the varmitech bro au

1. Does Martin remember Chris? Does he know how he could've/should've looked like?

2. How brainwashed is Chris? How much does he actually believe?

3. Do the Kratt parents take any role in the au?

4. Can we get more Tortuga crew??? How does Martin deal with missions alone, how do the others react to him?

Ty for the ask anon ! Honestly some of these questions are things i originally wanted to include in the explanation post but ended up deleting because i didnt want to make it too lengthy so Im glad to talk about them now!

1. Martin doesnt remember Chris clearly, he has some blurry memories and flashes but its mostly the feelings he remembers if that makes sense. Like how he was close with Chris and loved him a lot, the feeling of fear everyone felt when Chris went missing and the despair when no one could give them closure, how lonely he felt after.

He doesnt really know what Chris could look like, maybe he likes to imagine, but you cant really get accurate answers like that. Also with cases like his you often see detectives constructing images of what the missing kids could look like now years later and I thought about Chris getting one of these done but he probably would only do that if he sorted through everything else because while Martin thinks his brother is alive, Chris firmly believes that he died a long time ago. He doesnt really think the image would be useful

2. Hes half brainwashed and half doesnt remember a lot of things naturally because of a traumatic reaction. What he has been told was that they have been through a traumatic accident (like a car crash) of some kind that damaged his brain temporarily and thats why he barely remembers anything from his early childhood and has some memories that never actually happened (the memories of the Kratt family) and he believes thats true because frankly, he has no reason not to. Maybe he questioned it when he was younger, but as an adult your childhood memories get really blurry (especially if youve been through something traumatic) so he kind of just accepted the car crash excuse to be true. He suspects there's something hes not being told but he doesn't even think of him being kidnapped as a possibility

3. A little, yes ! The reason Martin wanted his brothers case to be investigated again was actually because of how bad it affected his parents even after 20 years, which is just the sad reality of missing child cases. This part is unfortunately not that well developped yet, but maybe the Kratt brothers father fell really ill and Martin was worried hed have to pass away without knowing what happened to Chris, or maybe they got divorced after not being able to move on from the incident evem after all that time, ill have to think about it but whatever happened motivated Marin to contact detective Chris.

Either way I do have 2 scenes in my head that include atleast one of them ! The first one is where Chris and Martin go back to Martins childhood home to search the area again, and they briefly talk to mama Kratt who still lives here, and she takes one look at Chris with a mothers eye and thinks "wow he looks exactly like Chris" and although she doesnt believe its actually him she does think its some sign from the universe or idk something sentimental !! I just rhink itd be sweet of her. I also think itd be interesting from the pov of Chris because this is a maternal figure who treats him really nice and he just cant help but notice how different his mom is from Martins yk sad feelings...

Also Chris gets to reunite with his parents after everything goes down :)

4. Hell Yeah!!

Martins missions here are a bit more professional as he doesnt really have anyone to goof around with but he still has fun because he gets to gush about animals to the team.!! (He definitely wishes he had someone with him out in the field) Also i guess the villains are also interesting here because dealing with them alone causes confrontations to drag out, and they also become harder and more serious, especially with Zach as he got a big advantage with 'the crawler'. Aviva does jump in to help a lot but shes a bit limited because at this point she hasnt finished making her own cps yet (this might become relevant later i havent decided yet.)

In the last part I assume you were asking about how they feel about Chris, and they do meet a lot while Martin and Chris are working on the investigation, and Koki actually helps them a lot with her computer skills. The crew also grows pretty close to Chris, i mean he kinda just clicks with them, and he latches onto them a lot as he hasnt really had proper friends before. Like ever. Basically theyre just found family i love them. !!!

Sorry for making this so long haha I just love talking about this au... I hope these answers satisfied!

[tomystars]

raysand/sandray theories + analysis

(because im insane)

This is a little post where I'll be focusing on what's to come for raysand mostly based on the trailer (original trailer too) and what we already know from the episodes that have aired already. I'll be using pictures so the text doesn't feel too eavy.

Also want to mention I didn't think about all of this myself, it's mostly a compilation of me and my friend throwing ideas and thoughts at one another and I decided to make a post on this now because me and her predicted something that happened on yesterdays episode...

Before I begin, considering it's based on our thoughts, ideas and what we know of the trailer (which is often edited in a way where sometimes certain dialogue doesn't end up being the same one we see on the episodes) please take everything with a grain of salt. If you want to share your opinions, feel free to do so my inbox is open!

Let's begin!

Although this is mostly a theories focused posted, I do want to first talk a little bit about how Ray & Sand's relationship is at the moment.

We all know things are going to escalate more but for now both Ray and Sand consider each other as friends. I've mentioned this in another post before (that has recently been deleted because it wasn't very well written) but one of Sand's best qualities and what makes him, in my eyes, the best character in this series, is that out of everyone else he's KIND.

First episode we have him meeting Ray for the first time and the only reason he got mean was because Ray was being an asshole first. Yet, after all of that, he still understood Ray was drunk and he gave him a ride to his own home, let him puke on his toilet, gave him a place to sleep on... All of this to a complete stranger by the way! You can't with certainty tell me everyone would do something like this. In return, Ray acted like an asshole once again which lead him to being kicked out of Sand's place (later on I'll talk about why I think Ray reacted that way), and eventually Ray did end up apologising which I think was something Sand didn't expect.

Another thing that made it more easy for Sand to forgive Ray was when Ray said "Thanks for saving my life." which was a very honest thing to say and Sand realised that, he kind of got a little bit of an insight of what Ray truly is like. I often see people commenting about Ray being dramatic by saying that when he was not. He meant what he said and frankly Sand DID save his life. Had Sand left him alone, Ray would've driven while drunk which could've very well ended in an accident.

Fast forward, Ray keeps seeking him out (another thing that will come into play later on), hires him to be his drinking buddy, convinces him to leave a girl Sand was trying to take home to drive to drive him instead, they have a talk, seem to be on the same page, hook up and everything is fine. For now.

This is the first fight they have in the trailer. I think, at this point, they have already started to hang out more and being more close together, so Sand is starting to expect more from Ray, specially the way Ray acts around him, always being flirty, always saying certain things ("I care about your feelings. That's why I'm here." previews are always a bit deceitful so maybe Ray isn't even saying this to him but we move), always going after him, always wanting Sand to spend time with him, but at the same time saying they can never be more than what they already are, which will most likely give Sand a lot of mixed feelings.

Just like we saw on yesterday's episode, Ray will most likely keep leaving Sand for Mew, which I don't really mind considering that Ray is a girls girl and he will always put his friends above himself, but at a certain point I get why Sand would get upset considering they are friends too and it's just very horrible being the one left behind specially when you keep get mixed messages from this guy you're starting to like. He'll probably realise there's something between Mew and Ray too.

In this fight scene, Ray is probably once again leaving Sand for Mew which is why Sand says "Focus on me for once will you?". In return Ray says this:

"What are we to each other?" is a very key sentence in their relationship. The way I see it Ray will too start questioning their relationship, thinking "What are we?" because they'll both be floating around each other but no one will ever say anything. I'll get a little bit more into Ray's personality later on but Ray might be just as confused as Sand, he probably never had a relationship quite like what they both have and it's scary. At the same time, he could also just be saying that to be mean (I'm not trying to paint him as a villain, I love him and this all ties in with what I'll be saying later about his personality."

The second fight scene we see in the trailer. I don't know if any of you remember but in the original trailer there's a scene where they're both in the car and Sand says "I don't want to be in anyone's choices." (there's also a scene where Ray gets arrested but we won't talk about that), which could mean Sand doesn't want to be a choice, someone in a "competition" with someone else, but the one Ray would want to be with no matter what.

This scene we're seeing is most likely the equivalent of that scene in the old trailer. I think at this time in their relationship Sand has already confessed that he wants more from Ray, that he doesn't want to keep being a "choice" and that he wants them to be in a relationship which leads to them having a fight, and eventually to Ray saying this.

Now, I can finally get into Ray's personality and the reason why he acts defensively in both of these scenes with Sand. Ray is scared. I do think Ray has a crush in Mew but I don't think it has ever been more than a crush, Ray just hasn't let it go because it's safe and easy. He likes Mew, Mew doesn't like him back and that's it, he doesn't have to worry about complicated feelings. But then Sand comes along and he is unbelievable KIND and he treats Ray like a normal person, he's honest, he doesn't push back and even apologise for being nosy about Ray's mother, he worries about him when he's drunk, he talks back and he's FUN to be around, he never wanted anything from Ray even after taking him home when he was drunk, he refused to accept money from them hooking up, he gave up one of his nights to sing at Yo's bar just so he could sing at Ray's party...

I mean, since episode 1 we've been getting a look into Ray's self worth. He thinks he's worthless and a burden, probably because he's an alcoholic, and I'm sorry to say but his friends don't really help him when it comes to that. He doesn't want to keep burdening his friends with this so he turns towards Sand, hires him as his drinking buddy, to just listen to music with, have fun and relax, he even says "I just don't want to be alone." and even later on Sand sayshe can be his friend without having to hire him he even says "If you're my friend, you have to look after me in every way." and Sand does just that!

Ray is confused and he probably has never had someone to be this way towards him in his life, someone that wants to help him (with his alcoholism as well I'm fairly sure), someone that cares this much about him, but most importantly, confused as to why he's feeling this way thinking "Don't I like Mew? Why do I feel this way towards Sand?", so of course he's scared about what he's feeling and he's scared of being vulnerable and ending up being hurt, so he pushes Sand away by being mean. It's all too much for him.

What's worse is that Sand has been the only one setting up rules like the not sleeping with each other more than once, saying he'd never date someone like Ray and other less significant situations but Ray always convinces him to break those same rules (wonder why that is...) which Sand is at fault too like, my guy you need to be confident and just say no. Sand most likely set those same rules precisely because of an old relationship that started this way and ended up horribly so he's trying to not commit that same mistake again. This time I think Sand will fight back instead of just letting go like his old relationship, probably because he can tell Ray feels the same way as him.

Then we have this scene, It's a bit ambiguous because it's impossible to know exactly in what part of the timeline of this relationship this fits in but I personally like to think it's after all the fights Ray finally takes some time to think and get his feelings in order and realise what exactly Sand means to him and this is the scene where Ray goes and finds Sand to apologise and I guess 'confess'. It also fits really well with the last scene I'll talk about which is the bathtub scene.

In this scene we can clearly see Ray breaking down crying in a bathtub while Mew is hugging him from behind (in the old trailer Mew had clothes on so this doesn't really make me think much). Personally, this is probably a scene where Ray feels horrible for hurting Sand and might also be the moment he realises how he truly feels for him which of course has him feeling like this. Gut wrenching heartbreak. My friend thinks it might be a time where Sand has decided to stop talking to him, refusing to see him which could also make everything worse.

To end all of this I think it's very important to note that by no means do I think either of them are in love already but no one can deny they're clearly attracted to each other and that they have a connection, but most importantly they ARE friends and they consider themselves as such no matter what, they would do a lot of things for each other, Ray even as far as defending Sand's band to Top (it's Top we're talking about whom he hates, but nevertheless) so that's something to keep in mind.

[lulubelle814]

My Works

I’ve posted a some of my one shots on here and will try to keep it updated.

I do not own Tom, any of his characters, any MCU characters, nor other real people mentioned in the fics. I only own my original characters and storyline.

Want to support me? Reblogs and comments are like crack.

Feel free to buy me a coffee/hot chocolate!

Divider created by the amazing @jiyascepter

One Shots:

The Night We Met - The path of love is beautiful but not always easy.

The Masked Proposal - Liza is asked last minute to step in and guest host for the masked singer while Tom has some interviews he has to do.

Prank Your Way In - Beginnings are hard, but pranks help break the ice.

The Accident and the Misunderstanding - Breakups are hard especially when the reason is over something that's completely misunderstood

Oh Christmas Tree - Looking for a Christmas Tree last minute is never easy.

All I Want - It's been a shitty year, and all Annie wants is to not have to spend her birthday alone. What's even worse? Her birthday is 3 days before Christmas.

One for the Ages - Astri and Loki met as children. As they grow older, so do their feelings for one another. One night during a ball, Loki becomes jealous when she dances with Fandral, becoming the catalyst for Loki to finally confess to his best friend how he feels about her, but what will Odin say?

Multi-Chapter

Just Dizziness - Reader is watching Thor Ragnarok when you are hit with a wave of dizziness that knocks you unconscious. When you come to, you find you are in a hospital with Tom by your bedside saying he is your husband. When you shift between realities again and again, it leaves you stunned and deeply unsure of what is real.

Regards, Loki - Louisa has a hard time making ends meet until one night, her best friend convinces her to sign up on a sugar daddy website, but she only agrees to sign up for correspondence, not sex. Cora only made her promise to keep it up for a week, and she didn’t want to let her best friend down. Once the week was over, Louisa would delete her profile. It's just when she's going to delete her profile at the end of the week that she receives an interesting message.

In Every Life - Two souls destined for each other, but life has other plans. Will they find each other and have their happy ending?

A Marriage of Convenience - Loki's father refuses to consider him to take over the company unless he marries. Eva is in a massive financial bind and about to be evicted. Could they solve each other's problems?

The Traveler - Billie's a mechanic who also loves photography and writing fanfiction. After a trip to pick up a camera she'd been looking for (and some other oddities), she somehow falls into her own fanfic story, promptly running into Conrad on the ship to Skull Island, and things start slowly going very, very wrong. Can she fix these anomalies by altering her own story? Will Conrad learn to trust her?

[moderator-monnie]

Hiya! This is my update post for my Pokémon Trainer OC with help from my amazing friend @lazy-charlie​

I now have an offical ref photo of her and with the ref I wanted to make a post to share more info about her.

And maybe some point in the future her Pokémon Team will have references too!

((i accidently deleted the original post whoops lmao)) here it is again!

First Name: Natasha

Last name: BSoD

Age: 19

Height: 6′0

Gender: She/Her

Sexuality: Pan Ace

A Young woman who was born with albinism in the Alola region she wanted to grow up to be a Pokémon trainer like every other kid does usually but no Pokémon besides Eevee and Porygon had ever caught her interest.

Until one day at the age of 10 while in the local library she discovered a very dusty and old book about myths and legends in the Kanto and first saw Missingno on one of the pages immediately she had stary eyes and felt truly excited about a type of Pokémon.

From then on she asked around but no one in her home really knew anything which disappointed her but she didn’t give up starting from there she’d spend alot of her time on her computer doing all the research she could on what Missingno is and soon discovered.

The Glitch Type although not much was known about this elusive type of Pokémon all signs pointed to the region of Kanto the home of Lavender Town of course she was still too young to travel on her own so for the time she stayed home stayed in school and trained with her Moms Pokémon.

And at the age of 16 she finally managed to convince her Mom to let her travel to Kanto as long as she promised to visit on holidays which of course Natasha agreed todo.

She took a plane ride there and began to explore the region using all the research she had dug up thru old books or online to track down her beloved glitches.

It took a few months of searching but soon she convinced a trainer to let her borrow their gyarados with surf for a few hours and she used this opportunity to surf along the eastern coastline.  

And she finally caught one! A Missingno her first offical team member and from then on over the course of the next few years she caught the rest of her team which consists of Missingno , Shiny Missingno , Ghost ,    pPKMNp’ , ‘M and O

Of course even after completing her team she is still on the hunt for Glitch Pokémon wanting to become a researcher who studies and create a new Pokédex just for them much like the Unown have their own Pokédex.  

She’s always been seen as intimidating and scary to most people who have met her all expect her mother but she’s a total nerd once you get to know her and very friendly despite how she might act towards strangers due to her own anxiety

also it might seem like she has sharp teeth but she just wears fake vampire fangs because she feels it adds to her aesthetic and sometimes just forgets their there and due to her Pokémon team Sometimes it appears she herself might be glitching but she’s perfectly safe/fine.

you can sort of tell which Pokémon she’s gonna send out based on the pokeball she holds each are distorted in a way that represents the Pokémon inside.

This is all the information I have on her so far but I’d love to continue expanding on her and if you have any thoughts or questions please don’t be afraid to ask! after all questions help expand her story and character! thank you for reading!

[pixeljade]

Looks like Photomatt has now deleted several of his posts regarding this whole incident, and edited the original one with further context. The edits to the original are 1) admitting that the hammer part of the "threat" seems silly but that he's apparently "almost died by car accident twice" (which, even if its true, are we taking into account personal triggers for what qualifies as harassment? And if so, why is misgendering people not considered one of those triggers?) And 2) adding that apparently Avery/Rita had "over 20 different blogs" which have names "so sexual to list them here would require a mature tag". (Which, he is perfectly capable of doing, and also it should be noted, there's not really rules against mature content so long as its tagged. There's been no proof of any untagged content. And third here, this is a *sex worker* we are talking about of COURSE she's got horny blogs!)

The posts which were deleted were largely the post-blowup tantrum replies, nothing too major there but overall trying to sweep away the tantrum. One post of note which was deleted is the one where he said the oh you know what i screenshotted it so lemme just post it

This is the one i'm most concerned about. This is the one where he mentions *pulling out investment* as well as saying "oh gosh I suddenly have empathy for those dealing with harassment campaigns now that I'm the victim of one".

Why do I think he deleted this one? He's scared of legal action. See, Tumblr was previously sued for bigoted moderation during the post-porn-ban era, and part of the stipulations is that they must make efforts to fix that. Then, we got in his other major post about this the tidbit that they *outsourced their moderation* and that they *had a known transphobic moderator in that company* LITERALLY last year. And now THIS post says that there (probably) werent plans to fix moderation before his sabbatical began, and even adds on that only *now* does he have empathy for how tumblr's poor moderation tools have made harassment a nightmare. Combine with multiple trustworthy testimonies that queer staff previously pointed this out to him...it sounds like the threat of legal action over moderation problems just led him to utterly ignore that problem until *JUST NOW*.

Now I am no legal expert. I have no clue whether this was culpable enough to show that he didnt make reasonable effort to fix biased moderation. Its entirely possible that fhis only sounds culpable to my untrained eye, and that he actually used secret language which dodges that culpability. But considering there's actual threat of lawsuit again now, and he posted all of this?

Well. Yeah, I'd delete some shit too. Too bad its probably too late. Anyways if you do nuke the site Matt I hope this follows you til you die. Or you could actually man up, and ask your lawyers whats the cheapest way you can apologize for this fuckup. It wouldnt erase this problem, but I think all of us would stop mocking you relentlessly if you at least had the guts to do that.

[floralcrematorium]

I don't know if youve answered this before, but what made you come back? I'm not that old in the fandom, maybe half a year and it's so interesting how that fandom changed and how it used to be.

Thanks for the ask! I'm gonna be real with you, it was an accident. This is about to be a loooooooong ass post so I'm putting it beneath the cut:

It happened steadily in July. A very slippery slope.

I left in or around 2018 just because I lost interest. A friend in 7th grade introduced me to it in early 2014. I had been running my Instagram account since Summer of 2014 with my best friend (who at the time had been my partner, and by 2018 we had broken up) and our other friend. We'd all moved on and the account became dead. It wasn't a good account, but we'd amassed 1.1k followers during our tenure. Those were the days of if you wanted to post a comic, there were no Instagram slides. You had to post it all individually. The account was deleted in 2021? I think? 2020?

So come July 2023, I was poking around in my old Google Drive and found some of my old Hetalia stuff. Which included a fic with the aforementioned friends. It uh. Is not good. I reread it and oh boy is it a product of its time (we were probably 13-15 when we wrote it) and it was a 3 way POV that we all wrote with self insert characters. It was basically Heta characters get thrown in the setting of Outlast but with the plot of FNAF. Yeah. So uh. Not much to defend there. I jokingly went to my friends like "Hey, what if we rewrote this but not horrible" and we genuinely thought about it! For a night.

But for me it wasn't one night.

I kept thinking about it.

And one thing led to the next, I was revisiting old Youtube videos I liked and reread a fic I used to like.

I think what really did me in was listening to the character songs again and a couple of hetaloid covers. I was doing artfight and listening only to Hetalia music while I drew.

I genuinely did not really use my normal Tumblr before floralcrematorium came to be. I have an entirely separate account for personal stuff and art (I will not be sharing it) and it got to a point where I was seeking so much Hetalia stuff that I figured, why the fuck not, and eventually made an account. I also eventually made my first A03 account (I was on Wattpad and FFN back in the day) because someone wrote a CanUkr fic where Mattie had overexerted himself and was in the hospital and Katya and Alfred were going to kill him because he kept insisting he could work (I CANNOT FIND THIS FIC AGAIN, I FOUND IT ON TUMBLR ORIGINALLY, PLEASE HELP IF THIS RINGS A BELL!!).

And uh, so here I am!

I draw Hetalia stuff on occasion (I should... draw more considering that's what I went to college for but whatever) and have a couple of ideas for illustration series in my head.

I've got a lot of fic ideas I want to write. I have a literal list on my phone. I think about it in bed, at work, and little things remind me of Hetalia all the time.

I've gotten back into RP (I used to use Shamchat and Kik).

I've met so many cool people and I've been having a wonderful time being back so far. When I was originally in the fandom, I consumed a lot of content, but as far as mutuals went it was just me and my two friends. Meeting so many new people has been absolutely wonderful.

Hetalia is really the only fandom I've been in. I've liked other media and consumed fics/enjoyed art/bought prints (COUGH RWBY), but Hetalia is the only media I've ever had fan accounts for. It's the only media I've so deeply entrenched myself in that I feel comfortable writing fics. My walls used to be covered in Hetalia -- both official wall scrolls and shitty art I'd made myself (I have pictures I can attach at the end of the post). I had... so much merch. When I was 14 I only asked for Hetalia related things for my birthday. Every now and again I get that "am I doing the right thing?" ick because of the negative fandom reputation and reactions I'd get from people when I would admit to having liked Hetalia in the past, but I don't care about that now. Genuinely, fuck that. I like this piece of media whether I want to or not. I'm not going to be a self-hating Hetalia fan like I was in 2018-2021/22. I've come back to the show with completely different... motives? Idk what the right phrase is here -- I'm here to explore the characters of these little freaks (looking at you, Francis), I love all of the fanart I see, I like the exchange of historical and cultural information/resources.

Sure, I'd consider my fandom niche to be humanverse Francis and FACE fam, but I genuinely enjoy exploring outside of my corner of the fandom. I try to spread myself out -- I want to consume everything. I want to be exposed to everything.

Hetalia is one of the single most impactful pieces of media in my life. Without it, I wouldn't have my best friend, who broke up with me for APH Austria in 2015. The friends I ran the Instagram account with and I are all still in contact. I talk to one much more frequently than the other, but they are both so near and dear to my heart and I can't believe that this silly show is what got us to where we are. The youngest of us is about to graduate college a whole year early. I met her when she was 11 and I was 12 or 13? I couldn't be more proud of her, of the three of us, and it's been so fun to have these occasional nights where we (okay, just me) get tipsy and go through old fandom media/watch the dub and go ooooof. I was in a really bad place when I was originally into Hetalia. Coming back now feels like coming full circle.

The old fandom had plenty of its own issues, and the fandom now certainly isn't devoid of issues, but now that the fanbase has shifted to an older audience and I actually have like. Social skills. I love talking to other people. I like creating. I like thinking about these stupid characters before I go to bed.

My single favorite thing about the Hetalia fandom now is the care put into historical work as well as the exploration of portrayals of the characters. Because Hetalia lacks a plot and Hima is constantly retconning things, everyone has their own interpretations of everything. Everyone has their own version of Francis Bonnefoy, Yao Wang, or Alfred F. Jones. And that's so cool!!! You don't see that anywhere else.

I know I'm typically a pessimist on main, but I'm genuinely glad to be back. It's weird to be back. I've had mixed reactions from irl friends that I'm back.

But who the fuck cares?

I'm having fun, I'm making friends, and I can't believe there are still people here.

I genuinely hope I'm here for a while. I have so much I want to write. I want to draw all of the things my skill level was too low for back when I was a teen.

CRINGE IS DEAD AND I AM FREE.

The following images are certainly about to destroy any cool perception anyone has of me, if they even do. I was... certainly a teenager, is all I have to say! I am,,, thankfully not like this anymore. I hope.

Here are those pictures of my bedroom circa 2015 I promised:

DO NOT ASK ME ABOUT THE LIVE LAUGH LOVE.

That drawing of Russia with Neko-Talia Russia? Yeah. Uh. I did that for an art project in the 7th grade for class. I also did a ceramics piece with the mochis, that I've since lost. These images scream "I'm 14 and like Hetalia in 2015."

I used to have little hearts with all the ships I liked in them (I think that's AusHun in the picture on the left?). I also had "I love you" written in like 20 languages on index cards taped above my headboard.

Also a literal timestamp I found in my old emails with the friend who got me into Hetalia:

Being a young teenager in the old fandom certainly,,,, was something. I would not relive that, but by god would I do ANYTHING to get my favorite pieces of fan media back from that time. There was a video called "Hetalia What Did You Do To Panda" which was a bunch of clips from the anime with Katie Herzig's "Hey Na Na" playing in the background. Every now and then a dub audio clip would interject with the song.

I also really miss this one very specific Character Theme Songs video that had Poland in the thumbnail. Mein Gott would play between each song and I could tell you most of the songs that had been assigned to each character.

I would do ANYTHING to get those videos back. I miss them so much.

Anyway, if you read this whole thing, thanks for reading??? I am very Cool And Normal about the things I like, unfortunately. It's nice to come back to Hetalia and like... be a normal person about it.

All I've got to say is, when I like something, I like it a lot.

[unhingedhearties]

Liz Is The Lowest, Most Disgusting Person Ever

This absolutely put me in a bad mood. Liz has reached the lowest, subhuman piece of shit behavior and I hope no one ever lets her forget it. She deleted the original comment, but the responses can be found here. So one of the young actors on When Calls The Heart, Mamie Laverock, recently experienced a horrible accident. I have seen some disgusting, heartless comments from Hearties on Instagram, Twitter and Reddit (and believe me, I'll get to the subreddit at some point), but this is the lowest, most reprehensible thing I've ever seen and I hope Liz faces real consequences for this.

...

She can't even humanize the poor woman and say her name. She's just "that girl". At this point I don't even know if she's referring to Erin's real life boyfriend and frequent MS donator, Ben, or if she's referring to the fictional relationships between fictional characters on the TV show Erin stars in THAT ISN'T REAL LIFE. I hope reality comes up and punches her in her dumb face one day.

Two people, TWO PEOPLE, tried to explain how fucked up her behavior is. Do you think she listened? No, because Liz is the poorest, most "bullied" adult-baby ever and never did anything wrong.

She's not bullied enough.

"She used 'tragedy' before to go into a 'guys arms'"

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT YOU STUPID WATER HEAD!?

"That's not hate. That's love."

I was going to say something like "if you think the way you act is love, I hope you remain miserable and alone the rest of your life".

But the reality is I don't need to hope that. Liz will spend the rest of her life alone and miserable with no one besides whatever poor family members she leeches off of that are forced to tolerate her.

Because Liz is profoundly stupid, she uses the old "if you don't like what I say in public, just don't respond" approach that she herself never uses.

"I'm not shaming her, I'm telling her she's bad."

I hope no one ever treats you with human dignity ever again.

I know I said I don't want the people featured on here to be bothered, but after seeing this, I'm rescinding that in Liz's case. I hope people remind her of this on every post she makes. No matter how many accounts she makes, whether it's on Twitter or Instagram or whatever, anytime she posts, I hope someone responds with this screencap:

I want it never to be forgotten what a sub-human bitch Liz is. She's had more than enough chances and more than enough people try to explain to her what's wrong with her behavior, but she refuses to even entertain the thought that she might be wrong.

May you never know happiness or peace Liz.

[gremlinwithagachablog]

Looking back at my 2018 gacha stuff

Guess who found some of their old gacha stuff from 2018??

At first I thought gacha studio was gachaverse lol. Anyway this is actually Lila from my pokemon irl blog @vitamin-sea-enjoyer, except a version of her from a tvtropes forum rp.

So then I finally found actual gachaverse and made a bunch of my TvTropes RP characters there too. We have Lila again, her friend Eva, an early version of my sona called Quantum, Erin from a magic school rp and Echo and Layla from a superhero rp.

Then I made a couple of my other pokemon rp characters. The guy on the left is Danny. He's a were-Phantump who got turned on accident by his older sister, the pink haired one to the right of him. She's called Guinevere or Gwen and she's a were-gourgeist. I actually briefly posted as her on pkmn irl tumblr, as someone from a long line of gourgeist hybrids looking for information on her birth family. Then there's Lila again and Eva, showing a bit more of her mad scientist mechanical enthusiast side this time. The one in the back is Miriam Marcaul. The Macrauls were a big rich Kalosian family of collectors in this pokemon RP, and her collection was of plushies. It took me years to realise I'd been spelling the family name wrong.

Then gacha life 1 came out! (prepares grumpy old man voice) back in my day we were excited about 20 character slots! You whipper snappers never had to learn the struggle of deciding who to keep and taking screenshots of what they wore so you wouldn't forget!

I remember I got Gacha Life right before a family trip down to London and I spent the whole 3 hour car ride grinding to level 50 in life mode so I could unlock online exports. Then I made some halloween costumes for some of the characters because there was a party event going on in the RP.

At this point Danny does look quite a bit like my other pokemon OC @shinyhunterderek, but they're actually just inspired by the same yo kai watch character.

Derek was a character who I never ended up using much, so it's nice to have him on here finally doing stuff.

So yeah that's some of my older gacha stuff and the origins of a couple of my pokemon blog characters.

I have some even older OCs I made in gacha studio, but I thought they were cringe and deleted all the screenshots I had of them so I'm not sure if I'll be able to find my very first experiences with gacha.

Its mad to think about how I was there when gacha life came out and now gacha life 2 is here. I remember pre registering for it and being super hyped when I woke up and it was installed. Just like I was for gacha life 2 nearly 5 years later lmao.

[master-of-the-railway]

Answering @septemberofgenders' ask in a new post bc I deleted the original ask on accident.

(under the cut bc I AM SO NORMAL ABT THIS AU)

The general idea is that Luz, King, Willow, and Hunter all somehow end up on Sodor. Gus, Amity, and Vee all stay in the boiling isles though. Another important note is that the "present day" events for the kids on Sodor takes place during the cgi series. Exactly when I'm not certain, but the current idea is maybe a year or two before the BWBA era would've started. I've also debated on pushing TMR to take place a little closer to the beginning of the cgi series for this au, maybe a few years prior to Hunter's arrival.

Luz and Willow both got there around the same time when they were just a few months old each. Luz ended up being adopted by Sir Topham Hatt as his daughter, and Willow became the adopted daughter of Jenny Packard. Neither of them remember anything from their birthplaces, and they actually have completely new names from their adoptive parents, I just haven't solidly decided on their new names yet. So for now I'll call them by their birth names until their new names get decided. Luz loves Sodor and couldn't imagine living anywhere else. She's fully aware that she is adopted but has no urge to seek out her birth family. Why would she need to? She's got everything she could want right here! She's grown up seeing the engines pretty much every morning, the engines' drivers and firemen think she's a good kid, and Luz considers the steam engines to be her family. She especially likes hanging out with Gordon and Thomas, they're likely her favorites out of the entire group. Willow sometimes wonders if her birth parents miss her but tries not to think about it too much. The construction crew considers her their baby sister and they love her to bits, she does have a crush on Hunter, though the two don't see each other that often due to the odd living situation he has. Luz and Willow are the BEST of friends and they go to the same school, Luz would stand up against kids who tried to bully Willow, and Willow would help Luz understand school assignments she struggled to grasp. They're always there for each other and they especially love hanging out during the summer.

Hunter ended up there at 6 years old, he hadn't become old enough for Belos to start doing major damage to him, so he was incredibly desperate to return back to the boiling isles and his "uncle". Mr. Conductor stumbled across the poor kid and when Hunter explained his situation, the kind man offered to look after him and help him find a way back to his home realm…that is until MC noticed that Hunter displayed obvious signs of having grown up in a less than fantastic household. So, MC gave up the search and convinced Hunter to come back to Shining Time with him. MC made sure he got the poor kid a licensed therapist and lots of love so that he might start to heal. Hunter now lives in his own special room at the Shining Time train station as MC’s younger brother. He remembered that he'd been training to be the Golden Guard, so he gave himself the label of the Golden Conductor as he was now training to be a magical conductor like his older brother. He has his own uniform and supply of gold dust, and he's one of the few who knows about Lady's existence. He's definitely a lot better off than canon Hunter was at his age. Hunter remembered his name just fine, so he's pretty much the only one of the crew who keeps his birth name (again, King, Willow, and Luz's new names are undecided).

King was transported there when he was just a year old. In this au, Eda had found him not long after he'd hatched, and she took him home to raise him as he'd reached out to her just as any baby witch would. Her poor heart just couldn't say no to the little guy. He was her whole world and she'd constantly brag to her friends about her adorable little "demon" son, whom she'd named King, and he made her life so much better. Which is why Eda became a shambled mess when King disappeared and she couldn't find him. She became a rough and closed off witch, doubling down on her criminal acts and hesitating less to attack coven members as she was confident they had taken King from her. Eventually she met with Raine again and the two became allied, slowly re-kindling their relationship…and then Darius crashed in and became the third member of the alliance! Raine and Darius are pretty much two of the only people that Eda trusts nowadays. She's a pretty closed off person and both of her partners (yes they are a polycule in this au, I am not immune okay-) worry about her a lot, but they do their best to help her out with the grief that she just can't seem to let go of. Eda's commonly referred to as "The Owl Witch", as the emperor didn't think "owl lady" was serious enough. She's not just a lady, she's a dangerous wild witch with a curse that turns her into a monster that only two people can control…but Belos has never seen the faces of her two assistants. They're always wearing masks to hide…

King, however, has a very happy and comfortable life on the island of Sodor. While he was a very strange and shocking surprise that Luz brought home one night, King became a welcomed addition to the Hatt family and was treated just as Luz had been: one of their own. He's much more comfortable wearing clothes as Eda had put him in onesies when she had him and the Hatt family kept it up, he's one distinguished little guy! He's pretty close with Topham's grandkids, seeing as they're closer in age than King is to his older sisters and brother, especially considering that Charles and Barbara are both adults and don't live with their parents anymore. He and Luz do know them though! They get along pretty well. *Important Note: King's horn wasn't broken in this au, he very much still has both horns with no damage to either of them.

Amity ended up being the one to find and comfort Gus back in the isles. He clung to her from then on out, and Amity became his protector against bullies. They train together and Gus is a lot less insecure about his illusion magic having Amity at his side, he's the only one that she's soft around, and she's constantly encouraging him to get better and showing him books to improve with. They're pretty inseparable, and the only reason Amity's parents don't disapprove is because Odalia had witnessed Gus' power firsthand once. The kid's got a lot of potential, it just needs to be trained.

[follows-the-bees]

I'm celluloidbroomcloset's anon about SPN fandom. You're very lucky! In my corner of the fandom the fans don't even know Buckleming are two people, think Bobo (BOBO!) is pro-wincest, and are convinced "the writers" have been gaslighting us all along. To these fans there's no such thing as corporate interference, "the writers" hate us and call us crazy, queer coding is just another word for queerbait, and Destiel only exists because of Misha and the fandom. They're on every script release post and deleted scene gifset screaming how dare "the writers" cut this and how dare they call us crazy for seeing Destiel.* "The secret good SPN that lives in my head" is their favorite phrase and calling everything good "the writers" did just a happy accident is their favorite hobby. That bit I said about people saying the writers suck on the scripts they wrote is not hyperbole. I have seen it said, right after going on about how shippy the cut scenes are, far more often than should ever happen.

Maybe it's not fair to paint all of us transplanted SPN fans with the same brush, but I do know some of those same people I fought with over things like the Cas and Crowley "maybe he's your boyfriend" scene or the script-cut scene of Dean spreading Cas's ashes at the windmill are here as well. I am also a fandom old, been here since the beginning, and have been fighting against the nonexistent monolith of "the writers" since about season eight. "The Writers Suck" has been an SPN fandom mantra for a very long time and it does spread to other fandoms SPN fans who shout it have moved into.

You are, again, very lucky and I am glad you've gotten to see some of the best of the SPN fandom. I am not so lucky and have seen all of the worst and it is getting a foothold in OFMD. I don't want it to spread more than it already has.

*"The writers" calling us crazy is entirely made up, twisted from an incident when an executive for WB was bullied off twitter by Destiel fans because he didn't know Destiel was a thing. It led to a hard pushback on Destiel from corporate, which led to the infamous "three straight guys" press releases for season nine, and is the origin of Misha's "you're not crazy" tweet. It had nothing at all to do with "the writers" save for forcing them into even more heavy queer coding and dodging censorship.

Hello!

I will start by saying that I too have seen instances of people blaming the writers, but they have not been the most prominent. So, I know it is a thing. But for the most part, I have seen mainly CW and WB said as the queer censors.

I think our experiences are very different for two reasons: while I watched SPN pretty much from the beginning, I did not join the fandom until after the finale. And I joined SPN twt, which you have to heavily start muting or blocking people. I highly curated my tl, so most people who told me Cas' love confession was platonic or would tell me that I was wrong for saying the finale was bad were not present. Of course, I still get those people coming onto my posts, but not as much.

I joined Tumblr just over a year ago, and I have just started moving over my filmmaking metas.

And living in the trenches of it like you have as everything has been developing, and coming in after, being able to look at SPN as a whole can lead to very different outcomes and experiences.

I did not have to experience live the disagreements, but I have caught up on many of them as well as all the new stuff that has happened after the finale.

I am very confused about what side of the fandom you are on - at first I thought it sounded like the brothers first side, but then you talked about the "good spn that lives in my head" and I have seen that a lot with the Destiel side (to be fair, I have heavily blocked bronlys since I am a TFW fan). I'm not quite sure how someone can think Bobo is pro-wincest. He wrote the second divorce arc and Cas' love confession, tying phrases from as early as Cas' introduction into the speech. And for Dean's side, just like when Mary died the second time, he cries and goes mute (which is what he does when he is overwhelmed emotionally). Sam called him and he didn't pick up, crying on the floor. That shows how much he cares about Cas, he's in so much grief he cannot pick up the phone for Sam.

Ok, moving on. I guess my "side" of the fandom is analytical. I personally study the writers and the filmmaking (cinematography and camerawork) and how those aid in the character and plot development. I am also personally in the middle where I love all of TFW (honestly every character on the show) but also ship Destiel. I can tell you exactly which writers I like (Edlund, Thompson, Carver, Perez, and such) and which I don't (Buckleming - they will always have a weird sexual thing or take Dean back down to S1 basics in their episodes.)

One of my biggest pet peeves in fandom are people blaming writers for decisions that were made later on down the line. And I have pushed back on that numerous times. It makes me sad to know that this is still prevalent and that it is being spread to other fandoms. I can only hope that changes in the future.

I have seen a huge divide in the people I know who are both SPN and OFMD fans. And most of that revolves around Izzy's character. But that's another topic for another day.

I'm trying to remember if I have seen any "blaming" of the writers in the OFMD fandom. I have unfortunately seen some: mainly criticism of DJ and how the ending of S2 went down. I think most of that deals with how you felt about Izzy's death (I've seen several people say it is exactly like Dean's - I personally do not agree with that, yes it has echoes, but Izzy and Dean are entirely different characters and represent entirely different arcs and ethos in the show).

Also used to weaponize the OFMD ending is the "the ending will be satisfying." I could write a whole essay about this, but just like with SPN, a very divided fandom, I've come to see OFMD is also very divided, so no, the finale was not going to be satisfying to everyone. Especially because it is the end of an Act II of III, the famously darkest moment/plotpoint of a story. BUT there was no cliffhanger, there are threads to follow with everyone's story. There is hope and love and joy. And that is "satisfying."

I feel like this is a long response and I apologize if it turned into rambling. I guess that's what happens when you're a writer. Lol.

I completely agree with you. I am worried about blaming the writers gaining a foothold in another fandom. Especially on a show that at every turn has shown how much care they have put into the show. That allows a collaborative environment for the cast and crew. That makes sure not to punch down. And has not made fun of fans and their beliefs and readings of the show (yes, that is a dig at SPN and how they treated fans) but instead embraces them. Samba went to set on days he didn't have to just to take videos for us!! I hope the fandom can embrace the love and hope the show radiates instead of giving into poison.

[majaloveschris]

So Justin’s original story he just said ‘this wedding invite’ with a pic of the invite. I think he either did it on purpose to troll because he knows what the rumours have been recently and also the invite is in the shape of a shell and he knows fans know Chris likes the little mermaid? Idk but then it was up for 10 minutes and he deleted it and put up a different pic of the invite and tagged his sister.

So he either posted it to troll but then I think he would’ve kept it up if that was his intention. But with him taking it down and the tagging his sister, I think he’s realised what the first story could come across like

And he probably also knew the whole beach wedding thing was circling around and was written in that very real Radar article. I think he left it up for like 35 minutes; at least that's what I was told, but yeah, it was interesting that he didn't keep it up. It's not his style. Maybe he just wanted to make it seem like an accident but also troll a bit. Or maybe he was told to delete it or to make it more clear that he talks about his sister's wedding. The story was definitely equivocal, so I wouldn't be surprised if somebody didn't like the fact he was trying to be sneaky again.

Here is the OG story:

[greengay]

I used to be on tumblr in the Green Day fandom back in 2011-2016. I lived through the 21st Century Breakdwon release, the iHeart Radio meltdown, rehab, Rock n Roll Hall of Fame induction. I made some great friends that I still keep contact with to this day. I used to make edits and gifs and write fics…. I just stumbled on your blog by accident and you made me feel all the things I felt back then. Thank you. I’m 30 now and my 20s are long gone, but you made me feel 20 again.

Oh, wow, we just missed each other! I got into Green Day in 2017 after seeing them on their club tour at the end of 2016!

(Villain origin story: I had never really been into Green Day, but my dad was always really into punk rock and liked Green Day. I remember him telling me that it was lame that the East Bay Punk scene turned their backs on GD for wanting to be successful. I'm from New Jersey and my favorite venue in the whole state, Starland Ballroom, posted on their FB or IG or something that Green Day tickets were going on sale in a few hours and I was like, oh, huh, maybe that can be a birthday present for my dad! So la di da I easily got tickets, stress-free (AS OPPOSED TO NOW, WHERE IF GD CLUB TOUR TICKETS WENT ON SALE I WOULD BE SHITTING MY PANTS AND WORRYING FOR DAYS ABOUT GETTING ONE) and my dad and I went and it rocked my absolute socks off... and here I am lol)

I've made soooo many great friends through GD fandom also! Omg, you seem to have done a lot, I wonder who you are??? Haha. I've probably read your fic and reblogged your gifs/edits.

I'm glad I was able to trigger some nostalgia! Although, I would say, I don't think there's an age cap to fandom. Like, you don't just stop having interests and hobbies once you hit 30. I know there's a lot of 30+ people in tumblr GD fandom, and I have a lot of 30+ friends I've met irl from going to GD shows!

So I hope you drifted away from fandom because of your waning interest in Green Day/fandom, and not because you felt "too old" to be tumblrina, haha.

I'll admit, I haven't been throwing myself into tumblr GD fandom like I used to the past couple of years, but the pandemic was whack, and any sort of social media made me really anxious lol. Like I used to overshare a LOT on here, and maybe I'll go back to that, but I realized... that I sacrifice some of my "real" life to be online. Like, I'm personally not able to maintain my irl friendships and hobbies etc. while I'm obsessing over GD and posting about it online. HOWEVER, I don't think I would ever delete this blog unless I got famous or something lol... I would keep it up as an archive, cos I know I've always been really sad when online friends would delete ;-(

ALSO... idk if you've heard about the J**y situation... you can prob find my posts about it, but I think it led to BJA being less active on social media, which weakens the parasocial relationships which affects the Obsession™... Uhg, 2017/2018 was peak Bibbie.

Lastly... idk if you're still into GD fanfic, but the last couple of years have been a RENNAISSANCE... so go on AO3 lol

But anyways! Thank you for this anon, it was really sweet ;-;;;