#like even American Animals if i am stretching it enough

[lululandd]

rabid; (i.)

pairing: platonic simon ‘ghost’ riley x gn!reader

word count: 956

warnings: comedy, aftermath of torture, mild gore

note: heheh >:3 (also on ao3)

summary:

ghost has a love-hate relationship with his neighbour of six years. on one hand they’re quiet enough, nice enough, considerate enough and never once had bothered him in any way, but on the other hand he is a highly trained soldier with highly trained senses and the things he hears travelling through his walls are batshit insane.

part i. | part ii. | part iii. | part iv.

He guesses they are an entertainer or a comedian or some sort because on rare occasions, they—whether he wanted to or not—made him laugh. The absurdity of the questions and things that came out of their mouth really makes him feel like he has a glimpse of what a worry free civilian life could be.

On one particularly rowdy night he heard the one sided conversation about anal, which rapidly escalated to how peoples arseholes can stretch up to seven inches in diameter and therefore, theoretically could fit two smaller raccoons.

He listened in fascinated horror how that thought came into their mind, how they associated arseholes with raccoons, and why in christ fuck did they sound so cheerful about it. Maybe he’s just a battle hardened, workaholic soldier that has only seen carnage and suffering, but even if such a thought came to his mind, it would not be classified as a happy thought and he would not laugh about it.

Until eight months later where he’s interrogating an American that he really wants to just straight up murder and remembers his neighbour.

He opens the door that leads to the rest of the warehouse and calls out to his men, “I need two raccoons. Small but not pups.”

He was met with silence and a confused looks, but he saw Gaz and Soap get on it and round up several soldiers.

“Alive!” He barked at them.

—

Soap looked worriedly at Gaz, “What do you think he’s gonna do with live raccoons?”

The other man shrugged, “You think he’s gonna threaten him with rabies?” Gaz gnashed his teeth together, “Let them bite him or something?”

One of the Lance Corporals behind them chimed, “I kinda wanna see.”

In came a chime of ‘yeah’s from the other men.

—

Ghost had made sure the American in question heard his request of the live raccoons before taking a seat on the table holding all his tools and lighting up a cigarette.

He looked at the man’s surroundings, the litter of teeth and nails on the floor, three parts of his severed ring finger, and the blood splatters on the makeshift plastic floor. The cleanup crew’s gonna at least be a little happy about that.

“You like raccoons, mate?” He offers, lighting what seemed to be his third cigarette.

The question caught him off guard. “What?”

“Raccoons. Trash pandas. Those chubby lil wankers with grubby hands.” He curled his palms and did mock scratching motions.

“You’re crazy.” He spat.

“I am.” For even thinking of trying this over his neighbour’s demented jokes.

Fourty five minutes later Gaz came knocking on his door.

“Got your furry friends, boss.” He gestures at a cage sitting by the door. The animals seemed calm, they couldn’t have just nicked it from some random bins and throw them in there.

“Cheers, Gaz.” He saw the man linger. “Anything else?”

“Can we observe, Sir?”

“No.” came his quick answer. If he really has to do what he thinks he’s gonna do, he’d rather his men not see it. They’ve seen so much in their line of work already, he doesn’t want to add to their nightmares.

Imagining one of them having PTSD from seeing a harmless animal makes him feel guilty.

He took the cage from Gaz’s hands and placed it nicely on the floor, a little way away from the American’s feet.

“You know that saying?” He puts on his best southern accent, mimicking Graves. “What crawled up your butt and died?”

The man’s eyes widened and he tried so hard to shift further into his seat, trying to create as much distance between them as possible. Ghost lets the moment go on for a little longer. It makes all the difference, really; whether you rush into the torture or letting them sit and wonder about the choices they think they have.

“I heard somewhere that your arse can stretch up to seven inches in diameter.” He pointed at the raccoons, “The normal sized bastards can fit into a four inch hole. But I’m being nice today and gonna give these smaller ones some wiggle room.”

He can’t help but crouch closer to the cage and coo at them as the man starts yelling for help.

“So.” He said in a calm voice, listing his head slowly when the man had stopped screaming his throat dry. “Since I’m a very nice man today I’m gonna give you two options.”

Fat rolls of tears had started to run down the man’s cheeks, his chest heaving as he begged for mercy.

“Do you want me to sedate these raccoons so they don’t claw your insides or do you wanna..” He remembers a word that floated into his flat one night, “..rawdog it?”

—

Soap had never seen a cleaner interrogation room before. Not from Ghost, the man’s usually so brutal about it. He remembers seeing parts of a live brain one time because Ghost had bashed their skull so badly and remembered having to shoot the person dead out of pity. But today? The intel was good, the man was still alive with almost all of his body parts; save for some of his teeth and nails and the chopped up finger,

and the raccoons.

They were alive and Ghost seemed to never have opened the cage at all.

—

When Ghost came home that month he heard his neighbour say something about a ‘little birthday celebration’ for tomorrow. He checked his watch and decided to walk to the bakery and get them some cake. That last operation went smoothly, and he has them to thank.

He can’t wait to hear what other mental things that will come out of their mouth in the future and apply them to his work.

[fic-over-cannon]

Part 4: The Plan

part 3 | series masterlist | ao3 link

jason todd x f!reader

summary: one step back, one step forward in this dance with jason’s warring desires for intimacy and distance

tags: swearing, UST, light angst

rated explicit (mdni) | wc: 2.7k

a/n: i’ve never experienced an american thanksgiving so all of my knowledge of it comes from pop culture. this is basically the last of my ‘set up’ chapters, so plot + relationship development is going to really hit their strides starting from here.

Jason is learning to live with the thousand pangs of guilt that go hand in hand with his determination to be your friend and only your friend. Guilt churns his stomach so often that it fades to just another background distraction. Every time you stiffen up when he pulls back, every time you try to catch your face before the disappointment can shine through, he sees it all. He should keep his distance, stop reeling you in close before drawing back unexpectedly, but he can’t quite manage it.

A more recent encounter is still seared into his brain. It plays behind his eyelids as he swims laps around the pool with Rei.

The two of you had been heading to the dinner two blocks off of campus after Duvall’s class, the fiery light of the sunset colouring the worn paths across the quad. Class had been predictably… painful. Reading it for his own purposes or for a group of students to discuss, Frankenstein has always struck a raw nerve. I am thy creature and I will be even mild and docile to my natural lord and king, if thou wilt also perform thy part, which thou owest me. Seen and made raw by a woman and her monster years in the past, and isn’t that just the rub? The world spins, new generations live and die and live again to be just as disappointing to the men that created them. Jason’s heart had ached behind his sternum and even the usual balm of your chatter had taunted him with everything he denies himself. He’d made all the right noises, kept his head down and hands jammed into his pockets as the two of you had finally made it to the diner.

“God I almost lost it when what’s-his-name in business started talking.” You’d snorted as you’d opened up your menu, plastic pages clinging together. “Like is it really so hard to have an ounce of empathy? We should start a list of worst takes because that had to be a top five. Jay?” Jason must not have been playing his part well enough because now you’re looking at him, too silent, too caught up on the long stale nickname. “What are you thinking Jay, because I’m thinking pancakes for dinner.” All he could think of is the one and only Dick took him out for pancakes. Begrudgingly. And how it had ended with Dick storming out, suddenly excited about hanging out with the Titans, only to come back disappointed when he had realized he was Jason’s only ride.

“Don’t.” It had come out low and mean, lobbed through gritted teeth like something hot and vicious. Jason had watched it hit you, the way you’d leaned back from the table and hunched your shoulders closer. “Just don’t call me that, yeah?” It had taken concentrated effort on his part to breathe, mimic loosening the tension in his body, to look smaller and non-threatening.

“Oh. Okay, Jason.” Silence had stretched out between the two of you, an almost tangible distance. The words to explain, to apologize and smooth things over had stuck in his throat. The fading light had caught your face for a moment, your face crumpling in hurt before shuttering closed. Your blank face was burned into his mind’s eye just as clearly as all the ways he had not repaired things between you.

Jason surfaces, water sluicing off of his shoulders, before going back under for another stroke. His body takes over the pattern of striking and breathing while his mind returns to the diner. There’s a small animal part at the back of his mind that’s wary of the water. Keeps a small part of him on the look out for any tinges of green to the liquid in the irrational fear that he might also come out of this body of water changed. Actually taking Rei up on his offer to go swimming was in some ways a punishment for Jason, adrenaline thrumming through his veins until his muscles flagged from exhaustion.

Rei is waiting for him at the entrance to the gym, water bottle half empty and lid still unscrewed. His glasses keep sliding down his still damp face but he grins at Jason anyway.

“You sure you’re not looking for a spot on the swim team? Because I’m sure the team captain would get the coaches to make an exception for you.”

Re-shouldering his duffel, Jason asks, “Now why would he do that?”

“I’d do it because I want one last trophy for the relay team.” Rei says wryly.

“No shit?”

“Yeah, I don’t really advertise it because I’ve been doing it for so long that I keep forgetting new people don’t already know I swim. But if you want a spot you’re in. You lapped me like what, four times?”

“Five,” Jason says sheepishly. “Not much of a team player, so I’m gonna have to turn you down.”

“Fair enough,” Rei shrugs. “But I don’t think you’re giving yourself enough credit. You probably dodged a bullet though, the coaches are hard asses about not drinking before meets.”

“Yeah, speakin’ of drinkin’, what the hell was in those drinks you made the first night.”

Rei laughs and the conversation takes a more lighthearted turn as they head across campus to the student union. It doesn’t take much to keep the conversation going so Jason has time to turn over Rei’s invitation over in his head. Jason would never have been able to accept — spackling over his extensive scarring for even just today had been a pain — but it had given him hope that maybe even after all his mishaps with you, that he might still be achieving ‘normal’.

Wednesday comes by and Jason makes up his mind to show up the weekly study session. With the Thanksgiving weekend coming up he’s got less work than ever but an even stronger desire not to be alone. Campus has emptied out in anticipation of the long weekend, the student union almost echoingly empty. Lina and Rei are already taking up a bench, sickeningly affectionate and dodging the balled up paper scraps Danika is tossing at them. You sit next to her, rolling your eyes at her antics then egging her on whenever Lina swoops in to leave another lipstick stain on Rei’s cheeks. He hesitates before committing to the seat at the end of the table nearest to you. The fresh loukoumades burning a hole in his bag will have to be shield and apology enough.

He’s nearly there, three feet out from his target, when the sound of a chair getting angrily out of the way diverts his attention. Will is dragging his bike through the field of chairs, cursing up a storm that has even Jason with all of his years in Gotham taken aback. Quite possibly its the most words Jason’s heard Will say out loud in the scarce months he’s known the man. The incongruity of the scene with who Will generally is as a person sends most of table into nervous half laughter.

“Will? Will what’s wrong? The biking parking finally full or something?” You ask, disbelieving.

“What the fuck does it look like?” He snarls, before throwing the bike to the ground in frustration.

“Hey—“

“Will, what happened?” Lina cuts Jason off, uncurling herself from around Rei and leaning forward. Her eyes are wide and searching, and in Jason’s opinion, not suspicious enough for the uncharacteristic rage on Will’s face.

“Some motherfucking cock sucking moron nearly ran me off the sidewalk in their piece of shit gas guzzler. That’s what happened.” He goes to throw himself into the seat next to you but Jason beats him to it, larger frame boxing him out. Throwing Jason an annoyed glance, Will slouches into the only seat left. He brandishes his coat clad arm in front of Lina and Rei, still thrumming with pent up energy.

“Look what they did!” He exclaims.

“I don’t think any of the bandaids in my bag are big enough for that scrape.” Rei says regretfully.

“What— never mind the scrape, look what they did to my coat!” He pulls the fabric tight across his wrist, shoving it under their noses. Rei and Lina give each other confused looks over Will’s head.

“There’s a lose thread?” Questions Danika.

“Yes! Thank you, yes! That idiotic jackass made me scrape up my Loro Piana jacket, do you know how much this costs?!”

“So,” Danika interjects, “won’t your family just buy you a new one and write this off for taxes or something?”

“That’s not— okay that piece of shit not only destroyed my jacket and put my life at risk but he’s also polluting with his mid-life crisis pollutant puker. You know there’s a reason Gotham ranks worst in pollution for cities in New Jersey? It’s thanks to people like that who don’t care that their cars are leaking oil and going knocking people — who are just trying to be nice to the environment — off of their bikes when they were just minding their own—“

“Report it to the police or campus security then.” Jason interrupts, before Will can get into the rant he’s building up steam for. “You got close enough to see the oil leaking, you probably saw the license plate too.” Jason pulls the loukoumades out of his bag and slides them over to you, keeping eye contact with Will the whole while. Will breaks eye contact first, pulling his perfectly intact black wool coat tighter around him before shoving his hands deep in the pockets. You’ve cracked open the container and let out a hum of delight. Will’s eyes dart to the table.

“Didn’t get it. How was I supposed to know that one minute I’d be riding along, and then the next I’d be traumatized for life by some inconsiderate brute?” He sulks. And oh, yeah, not everyone had grown up with B and all of his lessons on paying attention to your environment for evidence.

“Yeah, speaking of trauma, who’s got plans for thanksgiving yet?” Danika asks, mirth and humour her weapon against the atmosphere.

A sharp elbow knocks once into Jason’s ribs. He turns to look down at you, hoping your bid for attention won’t turn out to be disappointing. You meet his gaze with cheeks stuffed full of fried dough and honeyed syrup, eyes narrowed and considering.

“They’re not pancakes, but I thought you’d like ‘em anyway.” Jason says.

You swallow, before beginning to speak in a low voice, letting the flow of conversation continue around the two of you undisturbed. “If this is an apology, there better be more from where that came from.” Your small lopsided smile is sincere, but it doesn’t quite erase the image of your blank face from the dinner from his memory. Nodding, he goes to pull out the second Tupperware container that he’d had the foresight to prepare and you begin to lick the leftover syrup from your fingers. Jason’s vision narrows down to your thumb and forefinger, glistening in the fluorescent lights. He could swear his heart skips a beat when your pink tongue flicks out, his breathing certifiably irregular when you start to suck on your fingers. The image of your lips shiny from syrup will probably be engraved on his second headstone as the cause of death.

“—son, Jason.” Danika’s voice, high pitched and insistent, breaks the moment. He’d be embarrassed at tuning out his situational awareness if he wasn’t also scrambling to answer her half-heard question.

“No plans for me. My family and I aren’t really in a ‘gatherings and gratitude’ place right now.”

“Whoops, we’ll add your family to the off-limits list. What do you usually do then?”

Your phone starts buzzing, and you swear under your breath as you navigate sticky fingers and tight jean pockets.

“I just make a fancier meal than normal, watch the parade on the tv. Not much to it.” He replies off-handedly. He doesn’t mention the extra patrols he’ll do, in anticipation of one of the Rogues deciding to make a splash across holiday headlines.

“Sorry, I’ve got to answer this.” And already you’re trying to climb over Jason to get out from the booth and away from the table. It brings your face closer to his than it’s ever been and Jason would be trying to pin a name to the exact shade of your eyes if it wasn’t for the worry on your face. The nearly empty building means that you don’t wander far from the group. You pace as you listen to whoever is on the phone and play with the charm on your necklace. Will catches on to Jason’s line of sight and rolls his eyes, still sulking in his chair.

“So there’s a whole list, yeah? Things you don’t talk about?” Jason asks, trying to distract himself.

“Oh I wouldn’t call it anything so official.” Lina dismisses.

“No but we totally should!” Fires back Danika. “It would make things sooo much less awkward if Jason knew not to bring up just how much money Will’s rolling in, or the fact that Rei hates talking about the team right before a swim meet, or that when she,” and here Danika lowers her voice and nods in your direction, “plays with her necklace on a phone call fifty bucks says it’s someone from her family.”

“Got it, no askin’ her about the secret phone calls.” Jason says with a tight smile.

“Oh it’s nothing super secret.” Danika leans back into the corner and waves a lazy hand. “Just that most of them were dead set against her doing English instead of some ‘useful degree’ like pre-med or engineering. Don’t know why though, I don’t think’ I’ve ever met anyone that hates calculus more.”

But Jason, Jason thinks he does know why. Puts together the little pieces of your past you’d entrusted to his scarred hands and looks to the shared weft of your past. Looks at a girl whose family had scraped and fought to make a life untouched by poverty in a city that doesn’t easily forgive, and knows that it took luck and bone wearying effort to make it out of the Alley’s clutches. He looks at the girl who is used to being told her opinions don’t matter and yet believing in them anyway, who has put together a path leading right to her dreams even if the detours take her back to the place her family was happy to leave behind. Jason looks around the table at these fresh faced kids in their $6000 jackets and knows that none of them understand the constant, cavernous fear that all of the little luxuries they take for granted will suddenly disappear like morning fog. Jason knows the kind of courage it takes to push past that dogged fear and refuse the path your family pushes you down in order to achieve loftier goals.

The conversation has moved past him now, wrapped in his reverie. Rei and Danika have devolved into the kind of hardline negotiation Jason would have expected to see between seasoned lawyers rather than undergrads.

“C’mon Danika, I know you want a Pinterest worthy friends-giving but it’s just not going to work out this year.” Rei chides. “There’s just no time that’s gonna work for all of us.”

“Yes but it’s our last year when we’re all for sure going to be in the same place for the holiday weekend!”

“Look, we should all be free the Friday after the long weekend. We’ll do another night out, me and Lina will host the pre, and it’ll be our version of friends-giving. I’ll even make turkey themed cocktails if you want.”

“Gross! Fine, fine.” Danika most definitely does not whine. “But make them pumpkin pie themed cocktails instead.”

Jason’s got half an ear on the conversation, but continues to study you as long as his input isn’t needed. You sigh and seem to deflate as your call ends.

“So boys, are you ready to see the damage Rei can do when he’s got his full bar cart with him?” Lina asks, coy as anything. “I’m sure he’ll be able to make something that will even get you dancing, Jason.”

You shuffle around Jason, trying to squirm back into your bench seat. For a brief moment, your thighs bracket his.

“If that’s the plan,” Jason breathes out shakily.

Part 5

[alexthetrashyracoon]

i desperately need a tf141 beach day episode.

What comes next? A firework episode? A sick episode? The manly males of the masculine franchise Call of Duty becoming members of a 2006 Shojo Anime?

You got it.

CW// Bad attempts at humor, don’t take anything serious, the big boys deserve a break and so do you. Drink water, stay hydrated, eat your favorite snack and pat your pets like I do all the time. Plus, whatever happened in Canon universe, stays in Canon Universe, this is a happy family.

And I hope this was what you meant, just plain old TF141. Not TF141 + Reader. Now I’m having a crisis, not wanting to disappoint :(

Wordcount: 905 Words

A Day at the Beach means a Day away from Base

“That’s it, boys. You need a break.”

If anything Kate was as thick headed and stubborn as a mule, there wasn’t much that could move her from a position she took.

“No, Kate. What we need is finding Makarov and hanging this fucker from the ceiling. He almost killed Soap. I’m not letting this maniac walk around…” Price started, hands still firmly planted on the table where various files about Makarov and his associates were scattered around, before getting cut off by a sharp glance coming from Kate.

Sometimes he wanted to strangle the woman with bare hands.

“It’s a bit like Mom and Dad fighting.” Gaz whispered between Soap and Ghost. “Just missing the bloody popcorn.” He got elbowed by Ghost for that, Gaz knew he deserved it.

“Vacation. Now. MacTavish almost, almost died. This should be enough to give you a reason to start with fresh eyes, which you can’t if you’re as tense as you bunch are right now. Just a few days. A week at max, I’ll keep the operation going, we’ve got enough eyes and ears on the ground and the air… we’ll find Makarov but not if you can’t see the woods for the trees.“

A week later Price sat by the back porch of a small bungalow at the beachside of the Netherlands. It wasn’t like this American movie beaches but damn, it was nice to stretch out his legs, sip his, to be honest very sucky, tea and listen to the annoying screams of the seagulls over their heads.

“Kate was…” Ghost started but got cut off by Prices’ hand in his face.

“Don’t say it.”

“Kate was right.” Ghost snorted and stepped onto the fresh grass, it had rained the night prior and Ghost was barefoot.

A moment later Soap and Gaz sprint out of the bungalow, both dressed in swim shorts, Soap with a water gun in his hands and Gaz carrying a big floaty, both of them looking proud as peacocks. “You two stay where you are. I won’t let any of you madmen out of my sight after last time.” Price reminded them, making them stop in their tracks.

An hour they still sit by the bungalow, this time huddled under the tarp as heavy rain fell down, again. “We could have been swimming in the damn ocean for at least an hour by now!” Soap complained while gripping his mug of coffee. Not even a moment later there is lightning cutting through the sky.

“You would be grilled if you got hit by lightning while swimming in the ocean, Johnny.” Ghost reminded him while watching the rain fall.

For the next three days it was a constant battle between simple rain and heavy storms outside the bungalow.

“Wasn’t this vacation supposed to relax us?” Gaz asked from his spot on the couch, some stupid cartoon running as a background noise. “I am everything but relaxed!”

They had been scooped up for most of the vacation now. It wasn’t any different to when they were out of deployment, just that here they aren’t in the danger of getting shot at. One plus point.

“Blame Laswell.” Price called from the bathroom. “If she hadn’t make us go on a damn vacation we could be back at home, hunting down Makarov and…”

“Sun’s out, clouds are gone. Move your damn asses mates, we gonna drown in the open sea.” Ghost called and pushed the sliding doors open. Within seconds they all had changed.

This was probably the last chance they got to actually relax at the sea, and even if the window for that kind of good weather was a small one, they would use even the smallest chance.

So an hour later Ghost lays on a towel, Price sitting next to him, nursing a bottle of Heineken while keeping an eye on Gaz and Soap who have a water fight with a group of other tourists. And they were pathetically losing right now.

“Sometimes I wonder how they grew up and why they are still alive?” Price snorted between two sips of beer.

“Not everyone can be grumpy assholes like us two when they grow up.” Ghost joked and propped himself up on his elbows, watching Soap getting dunked by Gaz, who in return gets hit with a shot from a water gun.

They clank their bottles against each other while watching Soap and Gaz race through the water, diving under water for a moment or two until the sun started to settle slowly at the horizon and the two Sergeant crawled out of the water and hiding under their towels at the spot on the beach.

“It’s fucking peaceful.” Gaz said after a moment of drying himself and removing algae from his hair, throwing it away and leaned back on his hands.

The sky turned orange, pink and yellow as the sun set, slowly disappearing behind the line of water.

“That’s what Kate had been talking about when she threw us onto this vacation.” Price said as he handed out fresh bottles of beer.

This night they returned real late to their bungalow, enjoying the cloud free sky full of stars over their heads.

A few weeks later a single picture frame decorated Prices office, showing Price, Ghost, Soap and Gaz, all grinning into the cheap camera they had brought for their vacation. A bunch of great memories were made in those few days.

Please don’t hesitate to send in more requests <:

[monkeyzilla]

CAN I RANT ABOUT KEN SATO??? AM I ALLOWED TO? BECAUSE I WILL. ALSO LMK IF I GET DETAILS WRONG!!! LMAO!! I watched the film like 4 times I don’t think I should have missed out on anything or gotten anything wrong but if I do let me know I’m not good at writing shit like this😭

I wanted to talk about the themes of “balancing” mixed cultural identity being kinda hinted at bc it’s something I immediately picked up as an Asian living in a western country. I’m not even gonna say it’s an “interpretation” because I feel like it was quite obviously hinted at would be pretty easy to pick up for anyone that has a similar experience as mine.

In that first interview with Ami, Ken stated that people made fun of him for the way he looked, talked and behaved when he first moved to the US. Since he was born and raised in Japan for a bit, he kept most of that culture that he grew up suffered by with him and got alienated for being too Japanese or not white enough. It’s a really negative experience that I think most people, me included can relate to because you can’t control the fact that you have a particular ethnic background, or that you look a certain way.

But like I also think living in the US for a significant amount of time has also influenced the way he thinks and talks too, the press conference scene stands out with him repeatedly saying bro, as well as the baseball match where he got mocked and told that he should just “go back to America”. It’s kinda clear for most of the film that he’s “not Japanese” enough too.

It’s a difficult situation because on one hand he’s “too Japanese” in America but not “Japanese enough” in his home country. There’s this feeling that there’s no pleasing anyone here! So I believe to avoid having to “balance” his American and Japanese identity, he does things “his own way”. Or “giving the people something else to talk about” in his own words. At least that’s how I’ve interpreted it, idk if I’m stretching or yapping too much.

Him doing things the “Ken Sato” way is a kinda funny excuse for him to do whatever he wants, but I also think it’s just an excuse to avoid sticking to one “culture” (identity), because he can’t. Going back to the the first one-on-one interview with Ami, she points out that he’s eating noodles the “wrong way” and while it is just one single action, to me it seems representative of Ken’s behaviour as a whole when being confronted about tradition or culture. Am I wording that right? I’m not good at articulating complicated thoughts because I have A LOT!! It’s just difficult to type it out.

I just think the inclusion of all of these seemingly insignificant scenes makes Ken’s character seven more meaningful as a someone who’s Asian-Australian because I relate to it so much!! I just wanted to share my own thoughts and feelings about this movie and the little themes it hints at bc I don’t know any other big animated film that mentions this kinda experience😭 I’m not sure if Ken’s experience with his heritage/identity was intentional or not but it seems hinted at enough for it to be a purposeful inclusion, at least that’s how I see it.

I do wish they could’ve explored it a bit more in depth, maybe showing Ken’s life in America a lot more because I doubt they’d go back to it in the possible sequel, but I’m happy nonetheless because I feel really seen when I watch Kenji talk about his own experience. Sorry for yapping too much omfg

[beehunterkisser]

Have you watched the season 2 premieres of Hamster and Gretel?

I HAVE!!! Im assuming you want to know what i thought of em so spoiler warning for any dwampyheads who havent watched it yet. LOOK OUT!!!! also this is long as hell so be careful

Hakuna Ma Kevin

ok first and foremost. the ANIMATION WAS INCREDIBLE I WAS SO SHOCKED.. The budget mustve been crazy everything was so smooth. It really impressed me.. especially the action scenes and the hair movements. it was all super good

his va did a great job of being like annoyingly calm. its so kevin to somehow take a relaxation camp way too seriously (also the fact his life was so ruined by his date with hiromi flopping that he had to go on a 2 week retreat to find inner peace).

i was actually really interested in how they were gonna tackle that but a timeskip makes sense.

skip past kevins initial extreme misery and leave it up for the audience to make up. i am still curious as to what his friendgroup looks like because. did thjey stop hanging out. ARE hiromi and kevin too awkward to see eachother. anthony and fred are children of divorce. its so sad. well we'll see what happened eventually

It was great to see veronica hill back again too i missed my queen. i hope she finds love on the open sea.

actually speaking of that i was so sure that that was gonna be the boat from that sinking feeling and it was going to change the trajectory of the dwampyverse timeline forever but i think that was just a tease or a really really vague reference

the villain was also incredibly funny. great voicework too im sure it was some guest voice or something that i just dont recognize because it just feels that way to me.

great guy hope he comes back. and the reocurring THERE ARE NO LAWS ON INTERATIONAL WATERS BABY was actually funny.

also i cant not mention the CANON DWAMPYVERSE LESBIANS were BACK BABY women FIND EACHOTHER AT CLAM FEASTS ITS REAL AND TRUE.

it really made me happy to see that especially since i was so positive that we werent gonne get any rep from dwampyverse but obviously im WRONG and there are 2 beautiful women loving eachother and eating clams out there.

he played it so cool too. an ally.

I was almost disappointed the song was so early because i wanted a dramatic clam musical number but thats literally minimal complaint i have about that episode because it was such a strong opener.

also congrats to the newlyweds lunchlady and piano key vendor i think they will have a long lasting and beautiful relationship.

also when i saw those 2 old man leaving i was like wow are we getting a double whammy with gays but that was just a cameo. next time though

The Great American Telenovella

THE RETURN OF MY QUEEN. the opening in the hospital made me think it was gonna go in a completely different direction.

Both of these episodes had the songs super early on interestingly enough. i didnt even realise the Fresas De Amor theme song was THE song of the episode. i thought it was just a jingle..

i was really happy that we got a carolina-centered (well a stretch but she was there a lot) episode. i really like her.

the animation was back to normal in this episode too which was a little sad and maybe skewed my opinion of the episode a little bit but not TOO much. i think.

despite being tricked on where the episode was going the gimmick with making fun of telenovella tropes was really really fun.

it felt almost like a rarity investigates type thing where they get really into character trope LOL

the first lady they interrogated (THE VILLAIN IS THE VILLAIN!!) had such a great design too i really like her.. the whole bit with her abandoning the show to become a taco crunchies commercial star was great too she gagged me.

and also her being like ok ill just sit here and watch all my personal belongings burn. I giggled..i cant lie..i did giggle a little...

ok i cannot dance around it any longer but THE RETURN OF LA CEBOLLA. I REALLY DIDNT THINK ITD BE THIS EARLY I WAS SO HAPPY.

i saw her in the back as the lunchlady and i knew everything was going to be ok.. I was safe in her hands..

also her powers were used super clever i really enjoyed the Onion Fists. and also the dramatic shot of hamster getting concussed by an onion.

this kind of goes back to me being shocked the telenovella intro was the episodes song because i was really hoping we'd get another la cebolla number akin to fighting facial hair again

i also get another shot of her lying in a hospital bed. the one from her song is literally one of my favourite pictures ever so its great to have another equally as bizarre one

shes definitely maybe my FAVOURITE hng villain so it was great to see her again.

im biased so i wished she had gotten more time to shine but also i think that entire scene with hamster pretending to be her son la cebollito.

it was really funny karina did great with the line delivery there. i loved how she was like But why are you so small!??!?!?! i love that she runs on telenovella logic. a true method actor

i really did enjoy that episode but hakuna ma kevin really felt like the stronger episode to me maybe SOLEY because of the animation. im an artist im easily pleased. they cant just tease me with god tier animated hng and then rip it from my hands as soon as i get it. its ok...ill get over it..ill forget it soon... (single tear falls from my eye)

I HOPE THAT WAS READABLE i might do more of these for the rest of the episodes as they release its actually really fun. we;re so back. hng season 2 Is already peak. Its my favourite dwampy show for a reason. i am hng strongest warrior. WERE SO BACK

[keysorsomething]

Gun Run

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |

I'm so sorry this is late !! I couldn't write it when I was intending to because I felt super bad. I hope you enjoy lol

Cross-posted on Ao3

It had been radio silence between the two of you, since the incident. There were brief, longing glances, but not much else.

He didn’t look awful, thankfully. His eyes looked tired, you could tell. After seeing him truly well-rested it was easy to see the difference, but they weren’t red and puffy. The biggest difference, however, was the beast that stayed behind him, just at his heels.

Velikan had explained it to you - a fluffy animal he had gotten after a mission with his last PMC. Sputnik, he had named it. The hyena was making quite the splash with KorTac at the moment.

You stood, far enough away to make sure König noted you weren’t standing next to Nikto, watching as Graves was absolutely mesmerized by the creature. The blondish American man had meat laid out in a stretched open palm, watching with wide eyes as the hyena licked it up.

“Man, Nikki!” Graves chirps, “You should have mentioned you had one o’ these before,” He stands, elbowing the Russian man in the kevlar-covered ribs. Nikto grunts, stepping back.

“I did not have him with me,” Nikto explains. “There was an issue with the paperwork, and he was living with a friend of ours.”

Graves opens his mouth, but he's interrupted by the loud rumbling of Velikan… rumbling. You can't be too sure of what noises he was making this far away. Graves makes a face of acknowledgment as he nods.

“So, he’s trained for the field?” Graves asks, prodding more even though he's been told not to. You're sure he's aware of what happens to people who push Nikto.

“Да, he is,” Nikto responds. “With any luck, he’ll be with us this next mission, but we are yet to be granted approval,” He continues, throwing a glare to the corner that houses the Colonel.

The Austrian man stands with his arms crossed, a glare in his eyes too. But, as Graves away from him - after hardly even looking - with a scoff, they soften briefly. Velikan pats his commander’s back, gently gripping at his shoulder with a low mumble. Graves sighs.

“Do I gotta?” He asks, and Velikan nods. “Fine.. but I am expecting to see that savanna puppy in action soldier!” He orders as he's pulled away. The rest of the Shadow Company follows as well.

“Don't call it a savanna puppy,” Mace grumbles as they pass you.

A call comes from down the hall in response, “That's what they are!” Before more muffled grunting lets you know Velikan is scolding him. Or maybe laughing. He's too far away to tell. The room is silent, still without Graves. You feel more than one pair of eyes on you, and you shuffle awkwardly.

You throw your hand up in a half-wave, slipping out of the room behind them. You’re unsure where exactly to go, trying to decide between the shooting range or the barracks. You had some paperwork to do, didn’t you? You sigh, trying to calm yourself down. It had been a long few weeks, and it was only going to feel longer.

The setup for the mission is the same as always, a messy rush of people trying to get all of their gear in order. You pull your gun off of its brace on the wall, checking it over briefly. You pull the magazine out, double-checking that it’s empty even though you know it's empty - you haven’t forgotten any details about the last time you touched it. The first time you touched him.

Your eyes flick over to the side, watching Nikto get himself and Sputnik ready. The beast shakes as he tries to put the special kevlar over its neck, and you can imagine that he’s huffing soft swears in Russian to it. Graves watches intently, seemingly wanting to help. Or at least talk to Nikto about it. Velikan seems to have a sharp watch over the both of them. It almost makes you feel bad, since he has so much on his plate without you asking him to babysit Nikto too. You can only imagine what his therapy sessions are like having to take care of Graves all of the time.

You don’t have the time to dwell, though, O’Connor’s voice cutting through as he calls for everyone to hurry the fuck up and get in line. The sound is familiar and oddly comforting, and you can't help but feel the excitement start to fill in the cracks between the stress, anxiety, and fear you’ve been feeling. Those feelings aren't abnormal before you go out, but it's been significantly worse. You usually don't have to be so cautious of how you act and who you hang out with. But König's watchful eyes and judgment of your relationships have been keeping you on edge. Even with your other coworkers, you've been more distant. You take your gun, making sure to check it out as you move to stand in your place.

"C'mon, come on!" He yells, clapping his hand as he chants to get the whole squad ready. It takes a few more minutes, but you end with the group you're going with.

König, Nikto, Izzy, Graves, Velikan, Valeria, and you. A second team was going as well: O'Connor, Hutch, Horangi, Stilletto, Oz, and Mace, but they were to be moved separately. Orders are barked to both groups, everyone piling in their respective cars. You sit in the very back, next to Izzy. In front of you is Nikto, Sputnik at his feet, and Graves, with Velikan in between them.

The whole ride is uncomfortably silent, with soft music playing over the radio occasional instructions from Valeria on where to go, and the crackle of conversation from the other car. O'Connor is hard to hear back here, and you’re unable to make out what he’s saying, only his accent. Sometimes Graves leans over to try to get Sputnik’s attention, kissing at him, only to be swatted away by Velikan.

The ride is long, but the mission should be easy and simple - in and out. It was a rescue mission, as far as you were aware. It doesn’t matter, really. Your job was to go in, secure the area, secure the thing or person, and get out. And you were damn good at your job, you’d like that on record.

You have to drive through a very populated area to get to the building holding it, compared to most of your missions, but it isn’t something that bothers you much. And it makes sense with most of whom you were placed with, like König and Graves.

König pulls through an intersection, the chatter of O’Connor coming through the hand radio attached to a pop-socket on one of the vents. It all happens at once, very fast, the car behind you is hit. You hear the pain through the radio, and the whole of your car lights up.

“Pull over, goddamn it, pull over,” Valeria snaps, swatting at the shoulders of your Colonel. Graves mutters curses, trying to squint past you and Izzy to see the other van. Velikan’s door swings open, a gun shoved out of it. Nikto’s eyes meet yours, wide and panicked. You nod at him, assuring him you’re okay.

This wasn’t going to be as easy as you thought.

Gunfire is loud - something someone who had never fired a gun before would never understand is that it transcends sound; even with the proper ear protection, big guns shake your bones and change the beat of your heart. You’ve been around it many, many times, but even now you feel how the shots from your coworkers shake up your rhythm and push the air out of your lungs. It’s the only thing that tells you someone on your side is still firing because you can’t see anyone.

You curse, falling back under the flimsy cover of a tipped-over newspaper dispenser - something you were incredibly surprised to see - and release your magazine, shoving a new one into place. With that, you’re out of preloaded mags, and any extra ones are in the long abandoned car fire of the extra car.

You’d seen Hutch get out, pulling Horangi along with him, and you were sure you had seen glimmers of Mace’s gear somewhere around, but that left three members in that car unaccounted for. You shake, taking a deep breath. This was your job. You could die, your friends could die, you had signed up for it. You cast a glance at your own abandoned car, all the doors wide open and all of its contents gone, having been ransacked.

You sniffle, taking a deep breath. You were going to die today, you take a deep breath. You have to accept it. It was hard, but you had to accept it was going to be your last day. Your last mission. You close your eyes, taking a moment to think over everything that’s happened for the past weeks. You should forgive König, even if you can’t do it to his face. You shouldn’t harbor any resentment in your last moments.

Or maybe you should, fuck that guy. You swear again, letting your head fall back against the metal. Your eyes open, looking over the gun in your hands. You start to move, shifting so you can flip back over and start firing again. Just before your head can poke back out into the line of fire, you hear a gentle whimper from behind you. You flip back, eyes wide as you see it. The fluffy, tan beast is next to you, sniffing at your legs.

“Oh, hey,” You speak, sliding back down to offer your hand. “What’s up, buddy?” You ask, looking around. “Where’s Nikto, huh?” It sniffs at your hand before brown eyes meet yours. “Take me to Nikto, okay?” You ask it, and it stands there for a moment before it sets off. You throw your gun up, over your shoulder, and rush off after it. You hear and feel as bullets wizz past you, but they mean less than the thoughts swirling in your head. Was Nikto okay? What about your other coworkers? Was it only you and Sputnik now? Fear rises in your chest at the thought that the beast you're chasing is leading you to the dead body of your.... whatever Nikto is to you.

You feel tears start to form in your eyes, but you try to force them away. Remember your training, all the years you spent trying to turn this off. You have to be solid and strong. You can't cry in the face of who you're hired to kill. There is no time to mourn the losses you feel, because by the time they sink in, you’re off to your next job. There's been so many times that stuff like this has happened.

You can't have it happen again. You're going to stop it, you have to. Your feet hurt by the time you hear it.

"There ya are, puppy!" Graves' voice calls out, and you stop for a moment. Did Graves just call you puppy? What? You stand still, barely registering how Sputnik rushes to the American man, his tail wagging quickly. Graves beams, rubbing the hyena's sides roughly. "Good puppy! Goodboy! You did very well!" He baby-talks it, which helps everything click into place. You sigh, walking forward.

It seems you’ve found some of your comrades, but several of them are still missing. Horangi seems passed out, propped up against a wall. Hutch has wrapped himself up, watching a screen intently. You see Mace on the other side of the alley, gun pointed up. Velikan is with Graves, trying to coach him in something through his muffling mask.

You pant, wiping your face as you look around, “Where’s Nikto?” You ask, And Valeria, and Izzy, and König, and O’Connor? But you don’t voice the rest of the questions, not yet at least.

“Looking for you,” Hutch responds, turning to you with a grin. Sputnik breaks past Graves to jump at the other man, sniffing at his face. Hutch puts a bandaged arm around him, hand on the hyena’s back.

“What?” You swear, looking around. Your hand goes to your mouth, biting your lips. “Do we… wait? Can we wait? I mean, they’ll come looking for us, won’t they? Whoever we’re fighting?”

“That’s where Izzy is,” Graves replies, turning to you. “On the inside, takin’ ‘em out,” He mimics aiming his gun. “Think Valeria’s there too, maybe König,” He lists off, tapping at his face.

“So, what do we do?” You ask, looking at him. He was the one who knew what to do - he had been in charge more than once, and that had to account for something.

“Wait,” Graves responds. “Regroup, until we can form a full assault,” He turns away. “Just wish everyone will stop runnin’ off.”

The sentence alone keeps you pinned to the ground where your feet are. You want to run off, you want to try and find Nikto, but instead, you fall back, sitting on the ground. You sniffle, finally letting your tears meet your eyes. It sucks, crying in front of so many people, and in the middle of the battlefield.

You don’t want to, but you can’t help it. You hide your face in your hands, letting yourself sob as everything hits you at once. Sputnik noses at you, small chuckles coming from the creature. You sob, unable to reach out to it or push him away, just sitting there as the beast sniffs your hair and hands.

“Hey, Boss,” Mace’s voice cuts through your tears. “We have company,” He backs away from his post, and everyone launches into movement. You don't see much of it, but Velikan is pulling at you by your armpits, trying to get you on your feet to get you moving.

“Sorry,” You sniffle, standing. “I’m sorry,” You let him pull you along, grabbing at your gun to keep yourself armed. You wipe your face, trying to get your head back in the game.

Keep a hold on it, keep a hold on it, you tell yourself. You walk as best as you can, leaning on Velikan for support as he moves you forward, everyone falling into formation. Graves shouts out orders from behind you and you start to stabilize yourself.

You don’t feel dizzy, tears don’t fall freely from your eyes anymore and you stand on your own feet. You set off a blaze at an enemy heading your way, turning back to Velikan before you can watch them fall.

“I have it,” You tell him, and he nods, backing off. You can tell he’s still looking at you for a moment longer, but you all push on. It seems like you're in some kind of action film, with enemies flooding you and your team over and over again.

You manage to fight your way into a house, the building providing much better cover than the alley. Everyone rushes around, Velikan and Mace rushing to clear it out, Hutch placing Horangi down, and you rush to a window, assessing the area. Sputnik trails in behind everyone, a wailing man in his jaws. He drags the man in by the back of the neck of his shirt, clearly having mauled him a little before bringing him in.

You rush to close the door behind him when something stops you in your tracks.

“Нет, Спутник,” Nikto's voice cuts through the air from somewhere behind you. Sputnik's tail wags as he shows off the prize he brought. “Нет, put him down. Лежать!” You turn, finding Nikto standing in the doorway. He seems okay, blood splattered over his gear. You drop everything instantly. The door is already shut, and you just leave your gun on the floor by it, rushing over to Nikto.

“Nikto!” You yell, grabbing him into a hug. It's a harsh one, leaving your cheek pressed against him. He goes to speak your name, but you cut him off. “Shush! I just… Long mission,” You snap, and you feel as he relaxes into your hug, wrapping his arms around you. His hand rubs your back, trying to calm you down. You sigh, thinking back over it, all of it - your relationship with him, these past few days, the mission - it was all so much, so overwhelming.

You pull yourself away from him and press your mouth into where his is under the mask, finally able to return the kiss.

[garfunklefield]

Good for you!

CollegeStudent!Misa Amane/ CollegeStudent!Light Yagami Warnings: college AU, misa is smart YALL, insecurity, oblivious crushes, dating apps, academic rivals to lovers, one-sided rivalry/hatred, misa HATES light (or does she ;) ), honorifics used poorly bc I'm American I'm trying, meet cute more like meet and argue in the philosophy section of a library, jealousy, this hatred may not be one-sided Word count: 3379 DESC: Misa had always had trouble looking at dating apps, everyone after her beauty than her intellect. She wanted someone who could challenge her mentally. What if that someone happened to be a boy she hated, who had no idea she existed?

First death note post in a while! I am still however taking a break from x-reader content ;-;

NOTES: Honestly, I've been wanting to write this for so long, but I've been a bit timid to do so. So if this isn't your thing or you don't like the ship, I ask please don't send any hate my way. This really had no direction rather than I wanted one-sided beef instead of one-sided romance that we see in the anime/manga. Also, this is so not coherent I got derailed (and not proofread we ball) so go into this knowing it's a little bit bad.

“God!” She huffed to herself, rolling on her back and extending her arms out, holding her phone further from her face. Dating apps sucked and boys sucked! And not to mention everyone in her college classes thought she was too weird to approach. Or they were too snarky, like that older boy, Light Yagami, in her seminar class. All he did was talk every chance he got, insisting he was right on every point he made. He always got on her nerves, especially since he dressed so poorly. Sweaters and button-ups with no rhyme or reason. That boy didn’t even try with his hair either, opting for some bed-head looking swoop that barely covered his eyes. What was this, 2007? Well, Misa couldn’t judge too much since her style was influenced by the 2000s too. But it was the good part! Not Justin Bieber.

The blonde sat up and frowned at her phone. No new matches, nothing more than an empty box on her Hinge. She had been swiping all day but no one was catching her eye. No one would even reply to her comments on their profiles, it was pointless! Without saying another word, she dialed up her friend Kiyomi and prayed she’d answer. When it clicked and she heard her friend's voice, she didn’t give her friend time to speak. 

“Kiyo-chan! It’s just awful,” she whined, frowning to the air as she moved her freshly manicured hand in the air, “Boys suck!” Kiyomi laughed into her phone, something relaxed and laid back. Something her friend wasn’t. That’s why they complimented each other so much, they were different. The women didn’t care for fashion as her counterparts did, or boys for that matter.

“You’re just being insecure,” she replied, with the obvious tone of someone who knew she was right, “If you stop forcing it, you’re bound to find someone.”

Misa gasped at the blunt truth, furrowing her brows, “I’m not forcing it!” But she knew her friend was right, “It’s not my fault if I want a boyfriend sooner than later.” As she spoke, she stood up from her bed and stretched one arm out, looking at herself in the mirror before her bed. It was just tall enough to show her whole frame, long blonde hair cascading before her shoulders. Face was bare from makeup, hollow with acne scarring and blemishes she always covered. Thin eyelashes and thinner brows, dark spots, and freckles littered her skin. 

There was a reason she wanted someone to be with her more than obvious loneliness, it was because deep down inside she wanted someone to assure her she was beautiful. Not her face, but her soul. She knew she was pretty, even with her imperfections. But no one ever complimented her wit or her intelligence, it was all about her body or her face. A face no one had ever seen bare after a night spent together. No one had ever slept in her bed, not the whole night through. Yes, she’d have had sex before, but it wasn’t with someone she loved. It was hard to love someone when they only loved your looks. 

“Well,” Kiyomi brought her back to reality with the smooth concentration of her voice, “You could go to the library and stake out some fresh meat. I think Yagami-Senpai is there today.”

Him. Oh, she hated him. 

“No, I don’t care if he’s your tutor, no,” Amane quickly interjected, pressing her plump lips together. Him? Why did her friend always assume the blonde’s hatred for him was something more when all it was, was just that. Hatred. Some girls pretended to dislike him to cover up for the fact they did like him, whereas Misa would proudly announce everything she hated about him. She hated people who weren’t cute, and he wasn’t cute. 

She laughed, “Aw come on Misa-chan! It’s not like he’s gonna bite,” her voice came out teasing, causing her friend to bite back a flustered feeling building in the back of her throat. Her cheeks began to blush out of frustration. 

“I don’t even think he likes women,” Misa scoffed, pretending to sound unbothered, “He has that thing with the foreign exchange student, Lawliet-san.” Light and Eru had some kind of “beef” with each other academically, although they’d always find time to play tennis together. It was strange, how they could go from yelling in debate to getting ice cream moments later. She never bothered to listen when they’d fight, instead opting to put in her headphones and wait until they stopped blabbing. 

“But Lawliet-san is seeing Misora-senpai,” Kiyomi spoke, delving into more gossip than she should, “Or maybe it’s his brother, Ryuzaki-senpai. They’re basically identical.” 

“No, Ryuzaki-senpai is seeing her,” she outstretched her hand to check her nails, which she knew were perfect, “Lawliet-san is a shut-in, he only ever talks to Yagami-san,” she clarified, hearing a genuine “oh” from the other line. 

“Darn, I was hoping for a scandal,” at that, Misa laughed, “But you should go to the library. I heard they updated their philosophy section~” She spoke in a sing-song voice, trying to entice the blonde to go out and inevitably run into you know who. 

“Why are you so gung-ho on me and that rat getting together? I haven’t even formally said hello to him yet!” She rolled her eyes, looking down at the floor. Some clothes were littered on the floor, as she got dressed. That’s how it always went for Amane. She wasn’t necessarily messy as she was just … no she was messy, even she could admit it. She loved cute things and she especially loved to collect cute things even more. 

“No time like the present,” she could hear the smile in Kiyomi’s voice as she said her goodbyes, “Remember, library.” 

“Bye, Kiyo-chan,” Misa spoke softly, hanging up the phone. No matter what, even if they disagreed on her love life, she’d always go to Kiyomi. She was the best friend anyone could ask for, even if she was heading on a different life path. She was only going to college because her parents wanted her to, not because she had a drive. Her friend had dreams of going into music and making it big as a producer. The girl never understood the kind of passion she had, but she admired it. If only she was as passionate about modeling as her friend was about producing music.

The blonde looked around her room, and then to her mirror. Her outfit was presentable enough that she could go out without being stopped or better yet looked at funny. Just a simple T-shirt from a band she enjoyed. It was black with a grey kind of tie-dye effect, the white logo spread across the chest. Then some simple black jean shorts, with the end a bit tattered and ripped. All of it was more casual than she’d typically wear, but it was cute enough. With some light concealer on her acne and under her eyes, blush on the apples of her cheeks, and mascara, she was ready to go. 

Misa couldn’t believe she was being talked into going to the library, especially when it was confirmed you know who was there. In some strange way, she hoped she’d see him, just so she could turn the other way and scoff. He didn’t deserve her attention! So why did she spend so much time hating him when truthfully they had never even spoken? She had to admit, that did kind of set her up to appear to have a crush on him.

The walk to the library was quick and easy, especially with the music she chose. It was something dark, that reflected her taste in clothing, although it contrasted her personality. The tune blasted in her black over-the-ear headphones, letting the girl escape just for a moment from the reality in which she lived. It let her escape from the fact that truly she’s never had a true romantic connection, and even if she did it was always one-sided. When Misa loved, she loved so much harder. And the people who loved her loved her face. Loved her body, so much more. It was nothing, it barely bothered her. That’s at least what she told herself, every time she looked in the mirror.

Misa opened the door to the library and peered around. No one she hated in sight, a good start. She was riddled with some kind of butterflies just at the thought of him, especially seeing him in his natural environment. It was annoying, she’d always see him with a book in his arms as he walked around campus. What a pretentious douchebag! All he ever did when he wasn’t talking over people in his classes was brag about the amount of books he was reading. No one cared he was reading 30,000 words a day, no one. Especially not her. Every time she heard him in class a little part of her died. 

She approached the section her brain had been most excited about. Of course, it was probably bait, but she wasn’t going to give up an opportunity to see if there were new philosophy books in store for her to peruse. Amane found herself almost tunnel-visioned when she slid up and down the aisles, searching for something new. The smell of books was something euphoric, even though she didn’t own many books herself. While she enjoyed fiction, non-fiction was always more easy to read. The blonde drew closer to one big book in particular, that was begrudgingly two inches taller than her arm could extend. Misa frowned, pouting a glossy lip as she tried to step on her tippy-toes. But nothing. She was overextending herself for a book that she wasn’t even sure if she would like.

“Need help?” A voice whispered into her ear. A voice all too familiar. It couldn’t be. No!! Misa slowly turned her head in a flustered horror, cheeks reddening as she came face to face with her mortal enemy. HIM!? The man she had hated for months, who, to be fair, never turned his head 90 degrees to notice she was sitting by his right. He never saw her glares or the way she’d roll her eyes when he’d start talking. Never saw any of it. 

Light’s face was more detailed up close, as anyone would. But it was different. This kind of thing, freckles and lines on his face, bits of stubble, all made him look … human. It was strange. She could almost reach out and touch it, just to see if it was real. Up close, his eyes were deep pools of caramel she noticed shined in the fluorescent light. He looked like that but dressed like shit? He was throwing away any potential of being attractive at that point. 

“Yagami-san,” Misa breathed out, staring at him with wide eyes. He didn’t expect her to know him at all, she assumed, from the way he took a step back. 

The man pressed his lips together, before cracking a planned and devious smile, “In the flesh.” Both of his hands gestured back to himself, “Do I know you?” Of course, he didn’t. 

She went to respond, but her eyes trailed back to that book. If she had just been able to reach she’d be out of this awkward situation. The girl looked back at him, nodding her head slowly, “Seminar. I sit near you.” Loudmouth. That’s what she wanted to say. She wanted to roll her eyes and complain about how annoying he was, but all that came out were timid words and even more timid body language. Misa had to remind herself, she was in control of social situations. Even with guys she hated. So she straightened her posture, putting on a mask of confidence and comfort, lifting her hand and pointing her index finger to the side, “You talk a lot, of course, I know you!” 

She had to be confident. 

Light blinked a few times, caught back a bit by her sudden shift in demeanor. He had expected shy and timid, he was probably hoping for it. He liked winning, it was in his blood. Only rarely did the girl see him obviously throw a round in tennis, knowing he would bounce back for a spectacular victory. All he ever did was calculated and precise. Not once was it spontaneous. He never had a spontaneous bone in his body! He had expected this social situation differently by her stance alone, so the fact she turned on this sense of confidence had to be jarring. Good. She never wanted anything she ever did to be easy for him. 

“Well, I do like to debate, I find it men-” The brunette began, to be cut off with a blunt, “It’s annoying.” His smile twitched and she replied with a smug smile of her own. Oh, this felt good. It felt amazing to rub in the fact she did not like him. TO HIS FACE!

“Excuse me?” Light raised his eyebrows at her response. 

“Yeah! Sorry, was I not clear?” Misa tilted her head to the right innocently. To that, the man scowled visibly. “I don’t understand why you butt in all the time. It leaves no one else wanting to talk because you’ll debate them on moral high ground stuff.” 

“The trolley problem is a very good, intellectual topic everyone should discuss.” Light spoke, gritting his teeth through a strained smile. Had no one ever challenged him before? Eru was good, but he knew his friend's limits. And that too. They were friends. There was a friendly competition there, but there was nothing friendly about Misa’s words.

“The topic was online reading verses books! You totally derailed it with intellectual bullshit,” she looked away, biting back a smug smile. He paused for a moment, studying her features with a razor-sharp focus she knew anywhere. He was smart, it was obvious from how he held himself. Sloppy handwriting and notes led to well-thought-out and complex thoughts. Light was smart and he knew it, and that pissed her off. Everyone treated him as if he was a genius when their IQs could be similar. But she wouldn’t be treated like that, would she? Was Misa … jealous? Was she secretly jealous over the fact that everyone treated him with respect for his intellect when no one acknowledged hers?

“Then why don’t we discuss this intellectual bullshit, if it is that?” He turned his head to the side, catching her gaze with an intense fire. He wasn’t backing down. 

 Misa didn’t have to think much, already coming up with her decision when Light brought it up that class period for some fucking reason, “A human life is a human life, sparing one to save ten would be worth it in my opinion.” She pressed her index finger into her pink bottom lip, looking away to point out another thought, “In that way, I believe we agree. But,” she looked at him, “You only brought it up to show your smarts, not that you actually care about the iPhones vs books debate. You just want to look smart.” 

“I am smart,” he corrected, closing his eyes and letting out a scoff, “And I like to show it off. That isn’t a crime, is it? You think you’re superior because you pick and choose your battles, instead of clearing the battlefield with one steady blow.” Light opened his eyes, catching her in a decisive truth that struck her in the chest, “I’m right. I know I am.”

She furrowed her eyes, going to retaliate with another valid yet rude point, when he took a step forward, “Truth is, Amane-san, I knew who you were from the moment I saw you.” Another step. “I only offered my help because you looked pitiful trying to grab that book by your lonesome.” Another step. “I see you roll your eyes and make faces. So maybe I play it up just to … Piss. You. Off.” He took three more steps, hovering over the shorter blonde with a sense of superiority. 

Misa stared up at him as he cornered her behind those stupid philosophy books. He wasn’t close by any means, giving her enough room to leave if she wanted to. But the both of them knew she wasn’t going to. She was standing her ground and she was intending to win this battle. Even if it meant being in this embarrassing position. Her cheeks were burning and god, she wanted so badly to strangle him. 

“And you didn’t want to confront me? Your whole plan was to annoy everyone for the rest of the year to make me annoyed? That’s not a smart plan, Yagami-san,” she scoffed, shaking her head in mock disappointment, “I think you’re overcompensating.” 

“For what? I have nothing to overcompensate for when I’m perfectly content,” he pressed his lips together innocently, “But you do. You want to stand out so someone can see you for who you are, but the truth is no one will. They only see your cheesy modeling career and expect something out of you. It’s pathetic, really.” 

With that, Light stepped away and put one hand in his pocket. He looked at her with a softer expression, something he’d wear when walking to class. “This was mentally stimulating,” a small, and confusing to Misa, smile pulled at the corner of his mouth, “Thank you..”

He … Googled her? 

Misa found herself blinking furiously after that, not to hide tears, but to try to comprehend what had just happened, and what she was feeling afterward. Why wasn’t she angry, but interested? That had been the most interesting conversation she had, had in months. At every turn, he said something she didn’t expect, and vice versa. It was different than Eru and him since they would always come to the same conclusion at the end. It was different because they weren’t friends. But why did she want to do that again? It was something she had to unpack. 

Light was smart and cocky about it, something she always hated. In talking to him he didn’t shy away from the truth, instead throwing it in her face. It was something refreshing to hear someone tell her the truth without trying to spare her feelings. Kiyomi was her dearest friend, but she was her friend. Friends weren’t always truthful. He didn’t care. Maybe that’s why she wanted to hear more from him, pick his brain. Figure out what it was that made him tick. Figure out why he was so damn smug. 

As the man turned away and began to walk, she lurched forward and grabbed his arm. It was stupid, it was arguably the most stupid thing she was about to do. But she was craving this kind of conversation. The kind that showed her soul. He never once denied her intellect but poked at her career and her insecurity. Sure, it was a dick move and she would thoroughly make him pay for it. Yet, he never said she wasn’t smart. He never once called her stupid.

“Yagami-san,” she spoke, as he turned his head to look at her with confusion riddled in his expression, “I want to do this again.”

Misa got his number. And she instantly regretted it from the prick smile adorned on his face.

[dramartist]

The FOOL'S Challenge

Artists, one and all, introducing your very own APRIL MONTHLY ART PROMPT! Starting on April 1st, aka April fool's day, I challenge others (and myself) to the foolish task of drawing characters as vines! FOR 30 WHOLE DAYS! You could do your own characters, someone else's, from a show; and you could draw a screenshot, panels, animate, etc. However you'd like!

Disclaimer I am not viable for any finger, arm, wrist, hand, back, brain injuries that come from non-stop drawing and all nighters. Eat, drink, sleep, stretch. You are not actually required to draw every day.

Check the read more for the typed out list, along with links to the vines! And here's a YouTube playlist of all the vines already collected: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLnR0BYbuC5xgBmC8RGQY0JHWrMUDuiM0R

1) Road work ahead? Uh, yeah i sure hope it does.

2) Souls of the Innocent. A bagel. No! Two bagels.

3) Even though I look like a burnt chicken nugget, i still love myself.

4) Hurricane Katrina? More like hurricane tortilla!

5) It is Wednesday my dudes. HOOOOOO

6) So you just gon give me a birthday gift on my birthday... Happy birthday? SLAP.

7) I am the Sand Guardian, guardian of the sand! Poseidon quivers before him!

8) I like chicken strips- Fuck ya chicken strips!

9) It's an avocado! Thanks..

10) Hey I'm lesbian. I thought you were American?

11) Let me see what you have. A knife! No!

12) Boo! Aaa! Stop, I coulda dropped my croissant!

13) *Quacks*. Look it all them chickens!

14) Dad look it's the good kush! It's the dollar store how good could it be.

15) And they were roommates! Oh my god they were roommates.

16) Don't fuck with me! I have the power of god AND anime on my side!

17) Why are you running? Why are you running?!

18) So i was sitting there, barbeque sauce on my tiddies-

19) I'm Jared, I'm 19, and i never learned how to fucking read.

20) Chris is that a weed? No it's a crayon- I'm calling the police!

21) Hello I'm Michael with a B, and I've been scared of insects my whole life-

22) Two bros, chilling in a hot tub, five feet apart cuz they're not gay.

23) So no head? *Throws phone*.

24) Actually Megan, i can't sit anywhere! I have hemorrhoids!

25) Back at it again at Krispy Kreme! *Flips*.

26) Johnny has 19 bottles of dish soap- wait why does Johnny have so many soaps in the first place?!

27) I'm in me mum's car! Vroom vroom.

28) Why the fuck you lying? Mmmm why you always lying?

29) I don't have enough money to buy chicken nuggets. *Sobbing*.

30) Im gonna say it. I don't care that you broke your elbow.

[yourflowersfirst]

day 1,403

pages 117-124

my whole body was shaking, trembling, like an animal left to freeze outside. i couldn’t remember this last time i was this mad, this vehemently angry. 

“i fucking hate this. i want them to pay for what they did to me,” my voice rose an octave every few words. “why? why me? why did i have to endure all that? that goddamn..?” 

my on and off therapist of 8 years just looked at me sadly. “i wish i had an answer for you. i am so, so sorry. all i can help you do is get through this, the now."

the response was this: i picked up some of the throw pillows, amazon brand, off the couch, and i threw them angrily across the room. “i don’t want pity. i want… i don’t know what i want. jesus. shit. retribution.” i was shouting now. so loud i was sure the people in the other office buildings next door could hear the shake in my cadence. 

i was angry, of course, but all the anger was directed at myself. how i could let this happen. i was still pillow soft and honey sweet, but do you know the violence it took for me to get that gentle?

my therapist got up and got me a cup of water. she brought it over to me, also putting the pillows back, a tentative gesture. it did nothing. the water spilled to the floor, tears streaming down my face. my voice was still loud, but shakier now. “i’m sorry. i’m so fucking sorry. tell me what to do to stop feeling this way, please, just tell me. i’ll do anything.”

she said nothing. she simply got paper towels to dab up my mess. 

i walked out of her office in a sweaty panic, right after i coughed up my whopping $50 copay. shoutout to shitty american health insurance. i knew i was in no state to drive though, so i sat in my car, the midday sun warming every bone in my body, as i took deep shuddering breaths the way rashel instructed me to. in through my nose. hold for 10 seconds. slow exhale through my mouth. repeat. try to ignore the tears still making their way down my face. grip the steering wheel until my knuckles turn snow white. do not vomit. do not vomit.

the focused breathing helped a little bit. i sat in my car for… i don’t even know how long. 20 seconds or 20 minutes, it all felt like a haze. i eventually checked my phone: 13 messages i still hadn’t replied to. apple maps told me it was a 16 minute drive home, and i opted to drive home rather than text a bunch of people back. a conversation took too much effort and i really did not want to start crying again, or worse, get angry and lash out. i’d already done that enough in my life. 

the drive back to my childhood home passed in a dissociative blur. i didn’t get into an accident, so- silver linings, i guess. once home, i replied to as many texts i could stomach, and i laid down. my anger from earlier finally cooled off, the hatred and need for justice coming down from a hot boil. a relief, truly, because when you get in such a state, you sometimes fear you will feel that way forever. time stretches on long, reality distorted. you start to feel as though everyone is out to hurt you and tear you apart, especially men. your skin will turn to steel, and one wrong look from someone, especially men, will make you spew out venom, strong enough to kill. 

later that night, at dinner, once my parents were home- the conversation had stilled a bit. my sister was out with izzy and halee, so it was just me, mamascookies, and my dad. my mother had made butter noodles and pork chops, food i was picking at with my fork. i was still terrified of calories, of imaginary numbers.

“how are your summer classes going?” my mother prompted in between bites.

i shrugged, deciding to omit the fact that i’d dropped my session B summer classes. these actions would have consequences later. “good. i finished my essay. i hate excel, though.” at least that last bit wasn’t a lie on its own.

“it’s good to learn,” my father said, finally speaking to me for the first time in 2 days. “we need to go over your taxes soon, i’ll show you how to make a table for it.”

i groaned. “why do you hate me?” causing my mother to laugh a little, and my father to roll his eyes. i mimicked him, rolling mine as well. even though i knew my taxes were an issue i needed to address. i had no professional work scheduled and i’d owe close to $8,000 come april 15, meanwhile i had maybe $300 in savings. i hated myself. 

once i sufficiently avoided most of my dinner (“you hardly ate!” “i’m not hungry- it’s my meds, plus i ate a snack earlier.”) i headed upstairs to watch succession and try to ignore my thoughts. still rattling around my brain like heavy rocks. 

my days that summer were often boring, even if i had random outbursts of emotion, and mood swings so intense i’d get physically dizzy. staying in ohio for 2 months had definitely become like a prison to me, surrounded by memories that brought on flashbacks and night terrors whenever i tried to sleep. i’d wake up at 4 am, my dog concerned because i’d been screaming quietly, the total darkness of my room suffocating. i’d go downstairs to get water, try to settle my racing heart, and i’d often accidentally wake up my mother, ever a light sleeper. “what are you doing up?” she’d inevitably ask. “couldn’t sleep,” i’d always reply, my hands trembling, the nightmares still vivid and clear in my half awake brain. my mom would always sigh and tell me to just go to bed. despite it being 3 years ago, i still had bad dreams about kyle at least twice a week.

that night was no different. i don’t always have night terrors, especially when i’m living in arizona, but i felt haunted that week in particular. therapy was good for me, i knew, but i hadn’t gone to therapy since 2019. a lot happened in 4 years, a lot i didn’t want to unpack for this reason. healing often feels like reopening wounds and pouring salt into them. being aware of this did not help me, especially when i was awake at 4:27 in the morning, my bangs sticking to my forehead and nausea creeping its way through my nervous system. i wanted to take dramamine and hydroxyzine until i passed out, but i was out of both.

i eventually did fall back asleep after distracting myself with music. music helped more than people did anymore. i woke up the next day at around ten, a zombie, ready to start over. at least my sister seemed okay. she’d gotten in around midnight, also slept late, and had more plans with izzy and halee later that day. i tried very hard not to be jealous at all.

i’m probably not even a person. i'm a bug. ask anyone who has ever loved me, if they even exist. i never text, i never call, i hardly think about myself at all. i lay in a swamp of my misery, the water turned to sludge over my poor heart years ago, thick and impossible to remove. my exhaustion will consume me and i’m too tired of the truth. 

sometimes i pray so hard for god to materialize at the foot of my bed that it starts to happen; then i beg it to stop, and it does. it scares me so bad that i think i’m going to die soon, the back and forth never ending, any human interaction i have is close to god damn meaningless. 

it’s your privilege to find me incomprehensible and unwanted. i gave you a few minutes, you can keep them long after i’m gone. i’m full of suicides, of rotting corpses, of brittle skeleton, of huge pieces of flesh, infecting the remaining parts of me. maybe i am already dead and i don’t know it yet. 

[somethingusefulfromflorida]

I've added another book to my Spanish collection, Animal Farm (translated as Rebellion on the Farm)

It doesn't show up very well in the photo, but the cover is bright neon Barbie pink, a really loud and obnoxious color, and I love it

Barnes and Noble thought they were being sneaky by covering the original European barcode with their own price sticker, but I peeled it off and discovered the truth! €14.95 is actually only $15.45 US ($20.48 CAN) at time of writing, but as far as markups go it's not too egregious. I mean, It's still highway robbery to pay $16.95 for an 80 year old book, but I can't find any used copies of Spanish editions online so I'll take what I can get.

Animal Farm isn't even one of my favorite books by any stretch, but I've read the English version enough times that I'll be able to power through the Spanish version even if I don't know exactly what every sentence means. I'll remember enough to know where I am and what's going on. For a real test, I need to buy a book I've never read before. I need to fly without a net sooner or later, so if you guys have any suggestions, let me know. What are some of your favorite books? Niche books in weird subgenres? Books that not everybody will have heard of? I'll look for the Spanish versions.

Or if you know any books written in Spanish to begin with, that's even better! Preferably Caribbean or Central American Spanish. My copy of El Marciano (The Martian) is written in very formal European Spanish, and though I still understand it I can't help but notice all the small dialectical differences that I never learned growing up in Florida (I found the audiobook version to be near unlistenable because a lot of the Cs are THs in Spain when they're not like that in Cuba or Puerto Rico or Mexico)

[itstheinternetofthings]

king spa

It’s the first week of January. Nick has been gone since the day after new years, and its gray and balmy outside - creepy, ominous for this-deep winter. I’m working from home, trying to remember what my job is, speaking to no one for long stretches at a time.

It’s incredible how much I don’t care about my job.

Yesterday Tina and Bríd asked me to play hooky and go with them to King Spa, in New Jersey. My calendar was empty and I was lonely, lonely, lonely, so I said yes. It had been three years since I last went to the Korean Spa. It was a thing for a while in LA, remember? Meet up with a girlfriend at the spa for the afternoon, try out a different place each time or stick, stubbornly, to the American-friendly Olympic. Chitchat naked in the mugwort bath. I’d go alone a lot too, usually when I didn’t know what else to do with myself, and I’d feel strange and amphibious and lonely in those pools, trying to focus on my breathing, trying to simply be.

It was better this time. Perhaps it was the friends - I am so comfortable with Bríd and Tina, even though I’ve known them for less than a year. Perhaps also the pandemic flat-lined much of my restlessness and now I’m all too happy to simply lie down in a nice space and exist. Perhaps its also that my body, which used to torture me with its imperfections, now mostly feels like an enjoyable machine.

The single-gender spas are below, where clothes and shoes are prohibited. Up above, we put on our oversized pink shorts and shirts and walk barefoot through various lounges. The saunas were behind adorable little fairy doors - Tina had said, as if Lord of the Rings was set in Korea - and each felt like a unique ritual space. To lie in the heat and feel pre-modern. To never wear shoes on heated floors. To carry no phone, no wallet, nothing except your own luminous form.

The centerpiece was a giant kiln, heated to 200 degrees celsius, inside which you were only permitted for a few minutes at a time. They cook eggs there each day and you can buy them at the restaurant, dark-yolked and smoky (we ate them with sriracha and soy sauce). Inside the kiln - a circle of people, faces covered with towels, sitting silently in the dark primordial heat. It felt like the dawn of time, delicious and painful and holy. My lips vibrated and cracked and if we’d stayed long enough we’d die.

Then the ice room to recover- exposed pipes covered in snow-white frost, two rows of birch stumps on tatami. And the room where you stuck your feet under infrared light to no obvious effect, though “increased metabolism” was promised. The amethyst room, where the round walls were covered in spiky crystals and geodes and I felt, understandably, like ancient royalty.

What you do in these rooms is lie down, or sit, depending on the options.  You sit or you lie and you simply are there, maybe chatting or maybe in total silence. You can, for what its worth, also bring your laptop and/or watch TV. There is a room for everything.

Warm to cool to hot to cold, steam to dry and back again. Resting for a while with a book, taking periodic breaks to order food from the cafe. I was a beautiful slick animal, resting, eating, socializing gently. My muscles soft as pudding. My brain slowly slowing. In that windowless space, it could be any time of day. Part of me wanted to stay forever.

It healed me, or at least partly. I do not feel anxious today, or even lonely. I feel like a person, in an overcold apartment, who woke up and felt like writing.

[sirthisisa-wendys]

A Note about Blackness from An "Almost" Black Woman

Let me start by saying that this post isn't about how Non-POCs perceive blackness.

I've rarely come across a non-POC who has said to me "you're not black enough", whether it be through words or actions.

This is a post about how other African-Americans perceive their counterparts.

For decades (two, to be exact), I have struggled with my blackness. Unaware that my rearing as a child would cause me so much personal conflict and confusion, especially when discussed among other black people, I have been open about my story for years.

I was raised in white-suburbia from birth. As a child, I was afford what I now know to be luxuries: a present and loving two-parent home, a world class education, and ballet lessons. I lived in a two-story home with a fridge that worked, a washing machine that ran, and hot water. I could also play in an expansive backyard with a swing-set (regrettably, no pool) and a shed to hide behind and play hide and go seek with my little sister.

We wanted for nothing because our parents raised us that way.

After graduating high-school (another luxury), I went to a Christian PWI, not an HBCU. My first year, I met my African roommate, whom I was excited to meet and get to know. That year I spent being ridiculed because of my upbringing and shied away from spending time with her because I had no concept of "the struggle".

It would take two more years and a whole lot of stretching and learning and growing before I really leaned into being a "Black Female". I'm sure there's a video somewhere of me (as the secretary of the College Democrats) debating racism and it's long standing effects with the College Republicans. I'm sure there's also a video of me somewhere calling out the lack of representation of African Americans during Black History Month in the chapel services. But I digress. That was performative action. I actually did a lot of inner work and dismantling my own racist perceptions of myself and others through collaborative action with a queer, non-binary god I think of often. I've lost touch with them, but I hope they are okay.

My first teaching position... I have no complaints about. I participated in Black History Month, built up the African American girls I taught, and even inspired unity and understanding in my classroom. I felt like I had finally found my place as a Black Educator.

The second year at a new job was no different. Neither was the third. I found Black Educators who made me feel valued, loved, and picked me up - even though the phrase "That's Just Wendy" was a common thing to be heard. My upbringing was not criticized or put down. The fact that I was afforded all of these wonderful, amazing opportunities because I was alive was celebrated.

But this year is different.

I am already wary speaking about my mother, my father, and my upbringing around people because when they hear what they do, they see dollar signs, and I'm not wealthy by default. But I have never known fear about speaking of my father.

When mentioned, I was immediately rebuffed with "Well, I wouldn't know what that's like". My father is no longer a topic of discussion.

I brought up anime by chance because I was excited to watch the season finale of a show I'd just gotten into. "You're one of those black people that likes anime?" I no longer speak about anime.

I love purchasing items from Nordstrom Rack. "Oh, you're just so fancy, aren't you?" I still purchase items from Nordstrom Rack, but I don't speak of it.

I love Norwegian culture, music, the language... "She's obsessed with Norway. She thinks she's Norwegian."

When I ask a simple question, I am given a dirty look or treated like I didn't speak. A compliment is spun into something negative, and a backhanded compliment is returned to me. I am not included in "black girl outings" because the person who runs it is the person who has said everything above to me.

I hate myself for feeling so affected by this.

I hate myself for feeling anything at all.

But when I say anything about it to people outside of the situation, they say "oh they're jealous". And I scream "OF WHAT?"

I was afforded all of the physical luxuries and emotionally, verbally, and mentally traumatized for years (I have forgiven my parents for this, but it doesn't erase the fact that I am still suffering from the effects of this every single day).

And now... still. I don't feel black enough for acceptance.

I never have. I was getting incredibly close last year to feeling accepted by my own race, which is an amazing feeling. It frees you up to do other self-work that is encouraging and inspiring. But this year...

We're back at square one.

[pinoyrella]

Haikyuu Boys Throwing a Rock At Your Window

Like you know that “trying to get the attention of someone” cliche mostly from those cheesy American rom-com films? Yeah THAT throwing rocks at your window

FT: Bokuto Koutaro, Ushijima Wakastoshi, and our one and only Miya Atsumu x GN!READER

GENRE: Mostly CRACK, Fluff (mostly Ushijima’s).

Word Count- Total: 4,900 +

Ushijima’s: 1,502. 

Bokuto’s: 1,166. 

Atsumu’s + Bonus: 2,297

TW: A lot of cursing, esp w Atsumu’s. there are a few slight NSFW jokes (im sorry im like this)

Quick PSA: (before we begin!!)

1. I just wanna thank my bb @babydontstoop​ for staying up w me until 3 am in the morning thinking of this stupid shit, love her so much we got more ideas coming soon!! 

2. Also im so sorry the first half of atsumu’s is basically just inarizaki shenanigans, i don’t know why its there or how it even got to that, but imma just keep it there for the sake that maybe some of you guys might enjoy it and i spent so much time on it asdghkd ToT. i added a little “start” if you want to skip the the x reader content tho!! I hope you guys enjoy my first work!! MWAH ILY!! Thank you so much again!!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ushijima Wakatoshi

I feel like our ushi gushy would be in on it

But only bc Tendou influenced him telling him it's what ppl do nowadays

“Wakatoshi-Kun ur not throwing hard enough I don’t think she heard it”

And he would just look at him n be like “ok”

THEN THROWS IT W THE SAME STRENGTH HE USES TO SPIKE

AFSDGHJK RIP Y/N

It definitely did not only smashed thru ur window, it winds up denting ur wall

“Wakatoshi-kun~” Tendou’s cheerful voice pops into Ushijima’s dorm. “It’s time to give me back this week’s “Jump”! I brought a new one, it’s a bit different from what I’ve been giving you to read!”

“I’ve just finished reading “Removes Unnecessary Hair and Leaves Skin Feeling Silky Smooth” Ushijima replies monotonously with said manga in his grasp.

“You’re still reading the adverts? I told you last time to just focus on the manga.” Tendo takes the shounen manga from Ushijima’s hands and closes it. “This one is sure to keep you focused on the story this time! Plus, it may help you with your lack of romance situation.” He says as he plops a copy of a popular shoujo manga in his friend’s palms. “Anyways, I got to go, tell me your impressions later~” Tendo strolls out, letting the door to Ushijima’s dorm shut on its own.

Ushijima watches the door shut, before turning his attention back to the manga his best friend spontaneously left in his hand. ‘Lack of romance?’

The following day strolls around and Tendo is first to greet his friend. “Wakatoshi-kun~” Ushijima turns and greets him back with a low “good morning” before continuing his pace to class. 

“So, tell me what did you think of the manga I gave you the other day?” The red haired man says, stretching his arms over his head, giving the stoic man a quirky smile as he makes his way to his seat. Ushijima opens his leather bag to take out the shoujo manga Tendo gave him the other day, handing it to his friend before replying. “It was pleasant.”

Tendo blinks before letting out a restless sigh, taking the pink-covered manga from his friend’s hand before plopping into his seat, head down to the desk. “ “It was pleasant?” What are we going to do with you Wakatoshi-kun, and to think I had hope when you told me you were finally going to confess to y/n.”

Ushijima stays silent, watching his friend.

Tendo looks up, a hand under his chin, before turning back to his buddy. “Have you thought of how you were going to confess yet?”

Ushijima lets out a low “no” before Tendo goes back to losing it over his friend. “That’s what the manga was for! I thought it’d help you come up with an idea…”

Ushijima stays silent, watching his friend break down once again. Before turning his gaze to the door, as you stroll in greeting your classmates a “good morning” before settling down at your desk. Of course you don’t go unnoticed to Tendo as well, he caught his friend turning his head towards your direction the moment you walked in. You give a small smile and wave to both Tendo and Ushijima, Ushijima giving back an awkward yet sincere small smile and wave. The sweet look of innocence and love linger on his best friend’s face, even after he turned around to face the board’s direction. Tendo can’t leave his friend unhelped, especially not with that god-awkward smile he gave you. Then pwoosh an idea strucks him.

“Wakatoshi-kun” Tendo whispers, catching the attention of his friend, before leaning into his ear.

“Tendo.” “Wakatoshi-kun!” Tendo sprints lightly towards his friend, both freshly changed into their casuals, after the day’s worth of volleyball practice. It’s barely half past 6:30pm, the two tall men stand outside your dorm’s building. “Follow me~” Tendo begins to walk off around the corner, stopping just a few windows down, then looking up, pointing towards a window that is slightly covered by (insert ur fav color) curtains, and a few stickers stuck to the glass of the window. The lights were on, letting them know you were in your dorm. Ushijima visibly tenses up after reaching where his friend stood. “Don’t worry, this is their room, I know those animal crossing stickers from anywhere.” Tendo reassures his friend. Ushijima slowly relaxes before bending down to pick up a rock. “Is this okay?” he asks his friend, just remembering the short flashback of what his friend whispered into his ear earlier that day. 

“Wakatoshi-kun~” Tendo calls out to his friend, then leaning in towards his ear. “I have an idea! Semi was telling me about this scene from a romance movie he saw last week. It’s what all the cool kids do in America to get the attention of the person they like!” Explaining the details to his friend, before the bell rang signifying that class has just begun.

“Yes! That rock looks perfect, now aim for their window!” His friend lets out a clap before shooting his fingers towards your window. 

Ushijima adjusts his stance, getting ready to toss the rock towards your window. Tendo watches in anticipation, as Ushijima finally lets go of the rock after sending it flying up. The rock lightly taps your window, the two wait restlessly, feeling as 5 minutes have passed,  but really was 30 seconds.

Tendo picks up the same rock from the ground and places it in Ushijima’s left hand. “Wakatoshi-kun, you’re not throwing hard enough! I don’t think they didn’t hear it.” The tall man nods as began to adjust himself once more, putting all his energy into the rock in his left hand, determined to grab your attention. but just as he lets go of the rock, the window opens, and reveals you standing there, looking down at the two boys confused. Tendo and Ushijima’s eyes widened at the sight of you, but it was too late, the rock was already tobe flying towards you. “Tendo-san? Ushi-” before you finish your sentence, you finally notice the rock launching in your direction, thanking your quick reflexes, you dodge it just barely. You turn and watch in slow-mo as the rock hits your closet door, leaving a deep dent and a scratch. 

Stunned, you stare at the dent before walking over to pick the rock up, and heading back towards your window. “Really?” You say out loud in a jokingly sarcastic tone, holding the rock up for the two boys to see, while trying your best not to laugh at the series of events before you. You know this situation oh too well, especially from a certain scene after binge watching rom-coms with your cousin Semi the other week.

The two men just stare at you, with nothing to say, before Tendo lets out a burst of laughter. You gave in as well and began laughing with him. Ushijima lets out a low laugh.

“Stay there!” You yell down, before closing your window and making your way downstairs to meet the boys.

“Anyways, I got to go! Tell me her impressions later~” Tendo gives Ushijima a pat on the back before sprinting away from this whole situation. 

Ushijima stays there, awaiting your arrival. He turns after hearing heavy pants, seeing you bent forward slightly, facing him with a hand on your knee, and the other still holding onto the rock he had unintentionally launched at you. “Jesus.. Sorry give me a second” Ushijima nods, staring at your figure. Although hair disheveled, out of breath and face as red as a tomato from having to run down a flight of stairs and around the corner to meet him, he still thinks you’re the most beautiful person he has ever laid eyes on. After a few seconds, you prop yourself up, eyes staring into his. Now it was Ushijima’s turn to turn bright red, in fact, realization hit him, it was just the two of you alone, behind a building, “oh how scandalise Wakatoshi-kun.” he can imagine Tendo saying that to him.

You two just stand there for a second, staring into each other’s eyes before you began. “I think you dropped this.” You tell him with a slight giggle. Ushijima lets out a small laugh with you, as he grabs the rock in your palm, your hands brushing against each other, making the stoic man turn redder. “Thank you.” he says softly. “Next time, just come to me, this is a little too cliche for the big old Ushijima Wakatoshi, no?” Crossing your arms, you gave him another smile. GOD was he captivated. If he didn’t have any restrain, he would have leaned down and kissed you then and there. His grasp on the rock tightens slightly, thoughts running before a small peck is felt onto his cheek. He snaps out of his imagination before noticing how close your face was to his. “But that was still, a very cute and very dangerous attempt.” You chuckle once again before stepping back.

“See you tomorrow in class Ushijima-san” You wink before turning back to your dorm.

Ushijima stands there bewildered. A hand going to the cheek you have left an imprint of your lips on. He has his best friend Tendo to thank later. If these silly cliches will lead to your sweet smile and a peck on the cheek, he can’t wait to continue the sweet gestures your future relationship has yet to come.

Bokuto Koutaro

My sweet sweet baby boy

He does NOT know his own strength

He uses a big rock too

You hear a panicked “AKAAAASHI!!!”

Apparently Akaashi tried to stop him after Bo told him of his scheme, but failed to, so instead of letting him go alone, he went w him to make sure Bokuto wouldn’t get himself into TOO much trouble. U kno supervisor n shit

“Akaashi!!!” Bokuto greets his underclassman, sliding into the seat beside him as the quiet man takes out his lunch, slowly unwrapping it. “Good afternoon Bokuto-san.”

 “Akaashi! You know y/n right?! And you know how long I’ve liked them, and wanted to confess my feelings right?” Bokuto asks excitedly. “How can I forget, they’re in my class, in fact-” Akaashi leans a bit to the left, pointing his thumb backwards to his shoulder, showing you perched on your desk with your headphones in, eyes closed as you had just taken a savory bite from the meal you had prepared for yourself at home before class. Bokuto short circuits before he lets out a cry of despair, his head falling to the desk, before picking himself back up and shoving his face close to Akaashi’s. “Why didn’t you tell me!! Did you think they heard what I said? Akaashi I can’t believe you! You should warn me about this!!” He whispers before moving his eyes back to you, watching you serenely chew the food in your mouth, everything you do leaves him absolutely speechless, oh god how he wished he was the food in your mouth. 

Before Akaashi could reply to ask his friend to move farther away, your eyes open and immediately dart towards the unfamiliar classmate in your classroom. 

“Bo!” You immediately stand up, grabbing your lunch before making your way to sit behind him and Akaashi. “Try this! I made it this morning, it’s still fresh, say AH~” You hold your chopsticks towards his face, waiting for him to take a bite. It’s like the embarrassment and worry of you hearing him liking you left his head, he smiles at you before taking a bite of what is on the chopstick. He begins chewing, tasting the savory flavor of your dish, wishing he could wake up everyday to your cooking. “Y/n this is delicious!!!” He replies ecstatically. You giggle in response, using the chopsticks in your hand to pick off the rice stuck to his bottom lip, before dropping it back into your lunchbox, Bokuto unintentionally lets out a  “NO!” as he lightly grabs your wrist, placing the chopstick back into his mouth to catch the rice. “Don’t waste it, it’s so good!” He pouts and you try to hold yourself from laughing at how adorable he is. “Bokuto-san, it was just a grain of rice.” “Akaashi! Don’t say that about y/n’s cooking!” He retorts. You let out another chuckle before digging into the bottom compartment of the lunch box, to grab another pair of chopsticks. “Let’s share yeah?” At this point, Bokuto remembers why he fell for you all over again.

“I have to use the restroom before lunch ends! Akaashi watch my stuff?” You ask the quiet boy, “Of course” “Thanks!!!” You say before sprinting off. “Bokuto-san” Akaashi attempts to call out to Bokuto, but he’s still in a trance as he watched your figure disappear out of the classroom and into the hallway. “Bokuto-san” Bokuto whips his head towards his friend smiling brightly. “Did you want to tell me something earlier about y/n?” He asks him. “YES! I have figured out the perfect plan to confess to them!” Akaashi sits, his face contorts into curiosity, listening to what his friend has in mind.

“Bokuto-san” 

“And I’m thinking, I’d wait outside her window and-” 

“Bokuto-san”

“I have this rock in my hand right?! I’ll figure the right time to throw and-”

“BOKUTO-SAN”

“AKAAAAASHI!! What is it? Did you get lost in my amazing plan?” 

“Bokuto-san, this doesn’t..” He pauses for a second, trying to find a way to slowly put down his friend’s idea, after hearing how excited he sounds for it too. “I don’t think- why don’t you just tell them? Write them a letter... Or buy a bouquet of flowers or chocolate, something that isn’t.. Illegal..” He whispers the last word, it trails his mouth.

“Akaashi you don’t understand! Y/n’s different! They deserve a unique confession! They don’t deserve a regular and common confession, they deserve something grand! Something like my idea!” Bokuto replies happily.

Akaashi lets out a sigh. ‘Well at least I tried…

Wrong.’

And this is where Akaashi found himself on a Friday night, standing beside Bokuto in front of your residence. He had thought, if he couldn’t stop his best friend, why not at least supervise him, at least he could try to physically stop him if things get out of hand, right?

Wrong.

“Oi” Akaashi hears a familiar voice and turns his head towards the direction. ‘Konoha-san?!” Akaashi’s thoughts were interrupted by Bokuto greeting his other friend. “Konoha! You’re just in time, come on let’s go!” Bokuto lets himself past your gate. “What-” “Bokuto told me about his plan, I had to see it.” Konoha lets out a smirk before pushing Akaashi past the gates with him.

The three make their way to the side of the house, finding the window to your room before stopping. Konoha tries to suppress his laughter, and Akaashi stands there bewildered. ‘Holy shit Bokuto-san’s actually going to do it.’ He freaks out internally. 

Bokuto dips his head to the floor, picking up the biggest rock he could find before turning to face his two friends. “Now, this is true romance!” He says excitedly, switching the rock to his dominant hand, and getting ready to launch, the veins in his arm protruding.

Konoha is trying, AND I MEAN TRYING, his best to not laugh too soon, a hand over his mouth and the other hand on Akaashi’s shoulder to ground himself. Akaashi’s brain realizes the situation, the veins popping from Bokuto’s arm, his beefy muscles flexing, his strength- and before he could- “Bokuto-san wait!”

SHATTER

Akaashi stands there in shock as Konoha falls to the ground in complete laughter. Bokuto stops functioning as he begins to slowly turn his head towards his two friends. “AKAASHI!!!” He screams in horror, Akaashi’s internal thoughts begin to spiral, thinking of what to do, and the laughter of Konoha’s is NOT helping.

You on the other hand, were located in the kitchen, when you heard the sound of glass breaking. You run outside in your pajamas, cooking apron and bunny slippers, and your trusty spatula still in hand as your weapon. Turning the corner of your house, you see them. Facing the three boys. “Akaashi? Bo? Konoha?” You ask in confusion. Akaashi’s brain is losing it, Konoha is laughing his ass off, and Bokuto stands there looking at you like a deer in headlights before jumping into you with his arms out. “Y/n!!! I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to break your window! I just wanted to tell you how much I love you with a grand confession but-” You wrap your arms around Bokuto returning the embrace, before your gaze turns to the two boys, then to the broken glass surrounding their feet, and finally looking up to your bedroom window, as you finally process Bokuto’s confession. “WHAT?!”

Miya Atsumu

This motherfker, “would do it on purpose but accidently”.

“Hey samu look how hard i can throw this rock”

He throws it and cracks ur window

He would RUN away, he be like “SHIT SHIT SHIT”

You bet Suna’s in the background recording all of this.

Gin’s the getaway driver bc he's prob the most responsible one of the four second years, or at least most likely to get their driver’s license first ykwim

“GO GO GO GO”

The Inarizaki volleyball club room is filled with chattering, the volleyball fanatics converse with each other. It seems a bit off today, a little too calm… before Osamu walks in irritated. The boys chattering dies down as they turn to the wing spiker, all is well until- “OI ‘SAMU!” There it is. The blonde strolls in after his younger twin. “OI!” “holy shit ‘tsumu shut the fuck up or so god help me im about to make myself an only child” “RUDE!” As always, the Miya twins make a grand entrance, every single day, right before practice. Before Atsumu could scream another word, he catches the gaze of Kita, the stares of daggers stopping him in place, reminding him where he is. Atsumu gulps and begins to get undressed. 

The conversations between the boys continue where they were left, before the Miyans arrived. “Hey Gin, congrats on your driver’s license!” Akagi praises Ginjima before jumping to ruffle his hair. “Oh? Nice.” Suna congratulates. Aran comes around and wraps his arm loosely around Ginjima’s shoulder “This calls for a celebration, what do you say captain?” He turns to look at Kita, waiting for his response. “I suppose why not. Let’s get to practice.” He replies, being the first to head out.

Cut to the chase, the boys make their ways home to prepare for the “fun” evening that’s about to come. Ginjiima stops by each of his teammates' houses, picking them up, as saving the Miyas for last. “Oh my god” Osamu lets out frustration as he watches Ginjima pull up, Atsumu is STILL getting dressed. “5-more minutes my ass” He mutters before going out and making his way to his friends’ car. Osamu short circuits, counting the seats in the car. “Gin- what kind of car is this?” “This baby right here?” He steps out of the car and slaps the top roof. “It’s my parents’ old 2002 toyota alphard.” He says proudly. “There’s so many seats holy fuck.” He says before heading in, making his way past Aran and Kita, sitting between Omimi and Suna all the way back. 

“Where’s piss hair?” Suna asks Osamu, buckling his seatbelt in. Ginjima made his way back inside as well. “Idk idc, hit it Ginjima.” The team lowkey lets out an internal sigh of relief. Ginjima starts the car and begins backing up before Atsumu comes running out in Osamu’s jacket. “WAITTTT” “NO GINJIMA GO!” Aran, Suna and Osamu yell. Ginjima not having the heart to leave his homie behind, stops the car. An audible grunt comes out of the boys. “Y’all be bullying me everyday :,( “ “Awh don’t say that, Omimi doesn’t” Omimi sitting there thinking. ‘No no I do, in my mind.’ 

“Whatever, let’s go!” Atsumu short circuits noticing the seats in the car as he opens the door. “Where.. Where am I gonna sit?” Ginjima turns around counting the seats, realizing he’s missing one more for the blonde. “Oh shit! I forgot to install the 8th seat, there's supposed to be one going in between Aran and Kita-san.” Atsumu blinks. “Well guess that means you can’t go.” Osamu bluntly lets out. “WHAAAAT” “Go on the roof.” Suna suggests. “NO NO DO NOT GO ON THE ROOF.” “WAIT I WANT THE ROOF!” “That’s a hazard and illegal” Ginjima, Akagi and Kita let out at the same time. “Why not just sit on the floor.” Omimi says. “It’s just going to be on the way there anyways.” “That’s a good point” Aran compliments. “That is also illegal.” “Shin just this once! Come on get in I’m getting hungry!” Akagi claps his hands and faces forward. Atsumu climbs in, and as he sits down he looks up behind him. Osamu sent a glare down towards his brother. “W-what?” “That’s MY jacket, isn’t it?” “NO IT’S NOT!” The poor blond is kicked forward by his brother. This is gonna be a long ride.

Wait. “Uh Gin.” “Yeah?” “Where are we going?” Gin pauses. “Where do you guys wanna go?” “Oh my god we really didn’t plan this through.” “MCDONALDS!!” “Oh! Good thinking Akagi-san.” “There’s a special with pokemon cards right?” “Ah, my younger brother loves collecting pokemon cards, I’ll be sure to get one for him.” Aran and Kita converse. “Turn and make a left on Kinugakecho Suma-Ward.” The team turns their heads to Suna. He then pans his phone to them, showing the address to the nearest McDonalds on google maps.

“8 happy meal boxes please.” Kita-san asks the cashier, he pays before seating with the others.

“Oh my god I’m so hungry.” Suna lays his head on the table “I’m so excited!!” Akagi jumps in his seat, “Thank you Kita-san” Ginjima thanks his captain. “You really didn’t have to pay for all of it, you should have at least split with me, it was my suggestion to go out and celebrate.” Aran signs laying his chin under his fist. “It’s no worries, it’s nice to treat my teammates out once in a while, even if I don’t condone this unhealthy diet. Just this once is okay.” Kita smiles and Omimi nods.

The food comes in and the 8 boys dig into their little happy meal boxes, in the style of pikachu. “Holy fuck these are so cute.” Suna be admiring the yellow box.“ ‘SAMU THAT WAS MY SWEET&SOUR SAUCE” “GROSS DON’T TALK WITH YOUR MOUTH FULL!” Osamu shoves Atsumu’s cheeseburger back in his mouth. Kita clears his throat and the twins silence. “We are in public please for once be decent.” Aran scolds.

After the meal, the boys sit in their booth content. “Omg guys, pokemon card unboxing haul lets go.” Akagi pulls out the little enveloped deck containing the cards, the other boys, besides Kita, follow. “You guys go ahead, I’m saving mine for my brother.” “Shinsuke” Omimi hands Kita the envelope. “He can have mines too.” Aran hands him over as well. “Yeah, I wouldn’t know what to do with it either, I’m sure your lil bro would love it.” Kita gives his two other seniors a sweet smile and thanks them. The five other boys begin to unwrap, and reveal each other the pokemon cards they got. “Yo can I have your Snorlax.” Suna leans into Osamu. “I’ll trade it for my packet of ketchup.” 

The boys head out, Ginjima dropping Omimi, Akagi, Aran and Kita off in that order. Atsumu lets out a whine before the three boys that are left face him. “I don’t want this night to end yet.” The three turn to look at each other before turning back to look at their setter. “Well what else do you wanna do?” “Can we just sit and vibe together, we bros anyways.” Ginjima blinks before asking Suna if he would like to do as said plan. “I mean sure, Suna?” “I don’t mind as long as it’s chill with you.” “Osamu?” “ ‘S your car. Plus whatever this idiot does, most of the time there’s not much of a say in my case” He replies. Ginjima pulls into an empty parking lot of a park. Suna has control of the aux, playing chill music. 

The moment feels really nice, just four high school bros, the homies, chilling and vibing at an empty parking lot, listening to Suna’s playlist, a bit past 9pm. These are one of the memories you will find to cherish after graduating high school.

Kodak Black’s “Heart & Mind” starts playing.

The four begin to sing to the song, yeah this is going to be one of those high school memories.

The three boys go quiet, letting Atsumu scream Plies’ chorus. Osamu whistles; “SHEEESH” Suna lets out a laugh. “He’s really feeling it” Ginjima joins in. Before the three begin to sing Kodak Black’s lines again. By the end of the song the boys fall into a pit of laughter.

--start of the actual atsumu x y/n part ToT i’m so sorry--

“Hey I wanted to tell you guys earlier, I think I’m ready to confess to y/n.” The setter admits, laying into the seat with a small smile. “They’re going to say no.” “‘SAMU!” “I’m kidding.” “Wow, never thought you’d have the balls.” Suna laughs with Osamu. “Did the song do this or?” Ginjima asks. “Quit ya teasin and hear me out! >:(“ Atsumu crosses his arms and pouts. “Okay okay sorry, but no seriously takes some guts. Have you thought of when you were going to confess to ‘em?” Osamu reassures his brother and asks.  Atsumu pauses and puts his finger under his chin in a thinking pose, before a light bulb clicks. “How about right now?!” He says excitedly. “Right now?” Suna does a lil double take. “Atsumu it’s-” Ginjima looks at the clock in his car. “9:37 right now. 9:37 PM. PM!” “They could be asleep.” Suna butts in. “No-no listen, LISTEN GUYS!” Atsumu quiets his friends down before explaining to them the whole cliche scenes in those American rom-com movies. “That sounds so fucking stupid. I’m in.”

And this is how the four boys end up, in front of your house. “This feels so creepy and illegal.” Osamu shivers, feeling a bit cold by the night weather. “I’m pretty sure this is illegal, throwing rocks at someone's window I mean.” Ginjima furrows his eyebrows. “Tsumu you sure about this.” “It nerf or nothing!” “I think you mean it’s now or never.” “Same thing!” He argues with his brother. Suna has his phone out, ready to record whatever the outcome of this stupid and last minute plan is. The four make their way past your yard, trying to find your light colored curtains, indicating it is in fact your room. “I’m surprised you know where their room is.” “Yet he doesn’t know the quadratic formula.” “ ‘samu!” He hisses before bending over to pick up a rock. “Hey ‘Samu, look how hard I can throw this rock.” This level of confidence did NOT sound good. Atsumu begins to count down before the three freeze up, Ginjima and Osamu letting the reality of the situation sink it. “Wait Atsumu-” “DUMBASS WAIT” Suna standing there unbothered, getting everything on camera before.

SHATTER

The four boys stand in shock, even Suna taken back by the loud sound of glass breaking. He pans the camera to Atsumu before panning up to the window of your room. The lights turn on and you make your way to the window, at first startled but now pissed being woken up, but also now absolutely confused and horrified by the broken glass that fell from your window to the ground below. “SHIT SHIT SHIT” Atsumu begins to book it, grabbing Ginjima and Osamu’s wrists, Suna following, phone still in hand recording. As you see four silhouettes begin to run in the dead of the night, you see a familiar piss shade of yellow and a maroon jacket as they run. The four jump into the car before Ginjima begins to start the engine. Before they drive off, Atsumu takes out the McDonald’s receipt, writing a quick apology and his number before taking out his wallet and throwing whatever cash he had, running back to your doorstep and placing it under your welcome mat. “GO GO GO GO.” He yells as he jumps into the car, the four speeding away. 

By the time you reach your front door in attempt to catch the perpetrators, you notice the wrapped up receipt under your welcome mat, pulling it out and unfolding it, revealing a couple 1 dollar bills and a single 5. Confused you read the note, the hand writing almost ineligible. 

“Y/N IM SO SORRY IT WAS AN ACCIDENT, WELL PURPOSELY PLANNED BUT STILL AN ACCIDENT. PLEASE CALL ME SO WE CAN TALK THIS OUT I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU-” The rest of his writing ineligible. You look at the phone number he left and his signed signature, with a heart beside it.

“What the fuck.” 

Bonus:

Atsumu again bc he’s- I have no words for him (I love him so much but like its a diff kinda love ifkyky)

But imagine y/n having a brother and atsumu going to the wrong window

And busting a rock thru y/n-brother’s window

And the four just hear “WHAT THE FUCK” in a deep male voice that’s not urs, and the lights turn on and atsumu’s like-

He can feel the soul leaving his body

Bc that dumbass not only broke a window it wasnt even ur window

He dragged Gin out of the car and hit that pedal so hard leaving everyone but himself there on your lawn.

“Are you sure this is where their room is?” Ginjima asks worried. “This seems very very VERY dangerous and illegal.” “GIN! You’re startind to sound like Kita-san, relaaaax I know what I’m doin!” “Doesn’t sound like it” “‘SAMU!!” The twins bicker. 

“Actually, I’m heading back to my car this is making me a bit queasy.” The sand-brown haired boy said before turning back to his car. “Up to ya, be our getaway driver yeah?” Atsumu gives a thumbs up before the Ginjima nods and separates from the three, leaving them on their own.

 By the time they make their way to what Atsumu thought was your room. He’s already bending over picking up the biggest rock he sees“ ‘Samu, look how hard I can throw this rock!” 

“Tsumu don’t-” It was too late. The blonde sends the rock flying to the window. Just as the rock makes contact, the glass shatters and Atsumu is left there in shock, Osamu and Suna as well. 

A scream of “WHAT THE FUCK” in the deepest voice is heard emitting from the now open window. Now that can’t be y/n. 

The lights turn on and before the two knew it, Atsumu was already booking it back to the car. Suna recording the speed Atsumu was at. 

“Hey Atsumu, done already? Wheres-” The door to the driver's seat opens. Ginjima confused, he yelps when Atsumu grabs him and drags him out of the car, getting in and shutting the door before he starts up the engine. “W-WHAT?!” Ginjima stands confused before turning around to see Osamu and Suna run towards him. “GET BACK HERE.” The sound of your brother’s voice rings out and that was Atsumu’s queue to skrrrrt away. Leaving his three friends on your lawn. “TSUMU!” Good luck Gin, Suna and Osamu to deal with your now raging brother.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Extras: (IM CRACKING UP HELP) 😭

Author’s Note:

Guys I am so sorry I didn’t intend to let these fics drag out for so long, also for not making sense. ESPECIALLY ATSUMU’S. But thank you so much again for taking the time to read this, I really appreciate it even though my work is total shit like headass. If you have the time, please lemme kno what you think! I’d love to hear what you guys have to say! Anyways I hope you all take care and have a great time, stay safe! Hopefully my future work won’t be as shitty. I’ll work to it, thank you so so much again! MWAH I LOVE Y’ALL!!! 🥺💖

-

edit: rereading the first half of atsumu’s, i think i kno why i dragged that out, im just over here missing my high school homies a lil too much </3

[maybedefinitely404]

Not Your Typical 2

Genre: college AU, hurt/comfort

Pairings: romantic Demus, background Logicality, and Prinxiety

Content: autistic characters (Logan and Janus), arguments, panic attack/anxiety, ASL, talk of pretty bad ableist parenting/manipulation.

Song mentioned is Electric Love by BØRNS

Word count: 3.3k

“BABE!”

Janus’ head shot up seconds before Remus barreled into their room, clearly having run there, possibly all the way from his night class. He dropped his load of textbooks onto the floor, hopping from foot to foot.

“You have a backpack for a reason,” Janus sighed affectionately. His boyfriend shuffled the empty bag off his shoulders so it fell to the floor with his school supplies and resumed his hopping.

“Listen to this!” He held up his headphones, clearly holding himself back from just popping them on Janus’ head himself. 

“New song?”

“Just listen!”

Janus snorted but put the offered headphones on, watching as Remus restarted the music from his phone.

It began quietly, a lilting melody that was quickly underlaid with a sharp beat. He raised an eyebrow at Remus; it was catchy, but did not seem like his boyfriend’s type of music. There was a surprising lack of… screaming. Or profanity. Or yodelling . 

He had interesting taste in music. 

But Remus just bounced on his toes, nearly wiggling until an electric guitar riff made Janus jump a bit. It wasn’t necessarily a bad jump, more one of surprise, but he gave a thumbs up anyways to reassure Remus. He closed his eyes as the verse began, relaxing in his chair and shutting his brain off. 

Janus hadn’t even noticed he was tapping his hands on the arms of the chair until he peaked an eye open to see his boyfriend’s excited expression, not unlike a child on Christmas morning. 

 A bit after they’d started officially dating, Remus had accidentally discovered Janus’ once-least-favorite neurodiverse trait in himself; happy stimming. It was overly vulnerable and had gotten him teased too often when he was younger, so he had made a habit of masking the excited movement. It had only taken one date to the animal rehabilitation centre, and an hour long detour in the reptile area, for that barrier to break. But Remus had taken him for the sole reason of showing Janus the snakes, what was he supposed to do?

The first time he’d been totally natural around Remus (due to finding a green tree python, because oh my god Remus look at it!), bouncing and tucking his cheek to his shoulder and flapping his hands, his boyfriend had solemnly taken his hands, leaned far too close, and uttered something along the lines of ‘What the fuck was that and how do I make you do it again?’ Apparently he thought it was cute.

Preposterous. 

And judging by the slow rising in the song’s pitch, that was exactly what Remus was attempting to trigger. Janus could feel a smile forming against his will as the music crescendoed, and with it came a floating sensation. It felt like fire shooting up his spine, or pop rocks in his skull, an addictive rush of joy that filled his body with adrenaline, the best possible butterflies in his stomach. His hands flapped in an effort to release the energy and for now he let them, the grin now making his cheeks hurt.

All at once the beat settled back to it’s verse tempo and Janus pulled the headphones off somewhat sheepishly. 

“Hell. Yes.” Remus whispered, a matching wide smile stretching across his face. He cradled Janus’ face between his palms, as if he were something fragile, and edged forward until their noses booped, “You’re so. Goddamn. Cute.”

“Am not,” Janus forced out between his squished cheeks. It would have been much more convincing if he weren’t fighting off more happy wiggles. 

Remus snorted and pressed a peck to Janus’ lip before whirling on his heels, more or less skipping to the common area.

“Logan, I did it!” He sang grandly. He twirled around the living room with a whoop, startling a laugh out of Janus. Virgil and Roman, who must have been situated on the couch, yelled as Remus splayed across them just out of Janus’ line of vision. 

“Get off us, you oaf-”

“Jesus, Remus!”

“Oh Logaaaaan!” 

Janus leaned against the doorway of their room to watch the scene unfold. Remus finally gave in to the pushing from their roommates and rolled onto the floor with a brilliant thud and a cackle. 

“Get him off my foot!”

“He’s your brother.”

Remus snickered and promptly attached himself to Roman’s leg like a koala, digging his teeth into his shin.

“REMUS!” 

“Yeth?” He asked around his mouthful. Roman freed the leg not being eaten and, with no preamble, delivered a solid kick to his brother’s side. 

“I’ve been shot!” Remus wailed dramatically, rolling onto his back.

“I’m going to need a rabies shot!”

“I see the light-”

“Am I bleeding? Virgil, get the first aid kit!”

“Alas, the world goes dim! What an end, what an end…”

“What if they have to amputate?”

Janus’ hand could no longer muffle his laughter, and his laughing distracted Remus enough to get a dazzling smile from where he was laying half under the coffee table. The diversion seemed to remind him of why he’d come into the living room in the first place.

His face fell into a pout and he shrieked, “LOGAN!”

The door to Logan and Patton’s room flew open and the latter poked his head out with a violent shush. 

“Logan is on the phone!” 

True to his word, Logan was pacing their room behind him, stimming anxiously while he spoke into his phone in a completely neutral voice.

Virgil sat up straighter, earning a concerned look from Roman, who gave up on nursing the bite mark on his sweatpants. However, Remus was oblivious to the sudden tenseness in the air, kicking his feet onto the coffee table.

“Who is he on the phone with?” Virgil asked, slowly getting up from the couch.

Patton shut the door after a quick glance into the room. The rest of the dorm stayed silent until he’d clicked the latch into place, as if all holding their breath. Logan’s voice became just a murmur behind the wall as Patton met Virgil’s eyes nervously.

“It’s his parents,”

“WHY-” Patton shushed Virgil wildly, hands waving up a flurry. The man continued in a hushed tone but with just as much fury, “Why is he talking to his parents?”

Roman jumped up, probably to try and ease an almost-spitting Virgil but only succeeding in stepping on Remus.

“Ow!”

“Then why are you on the floor!?”

Virgil took a step toward Patton. “He hasn’t talked to them in a year-”

“I will eat your whole leg off!”

“I’d like to see you try!”

“Oh? OH!? When you wake up tomorrow with no legs, you’ll regret that!”

“Remus, just get up!”

He froze from where he’d been pushing himself up from the floor, gingerly lowering himself back down and crossing his arms. “Well, now I’m not going to.”

“Why don’t…” Janus faltered as every eye in the room settled on him, fighting his instinct to shut his mouth. They want to hear you, they want to hear you- “Why don’t we like Logan’s parents?”

Virgil and Patton answered at the same time.

“They’re assholes.”

“They’re not great p- language!”

If Janus remembered correctly, Virgil and Logan had known each other far longer than any of the others, though it wasn’t hard to surmise from Virgil’s reactions. He’d never seen him get so worked up. 

“They’re ableist, homophobic pieces of sh-”

“But!” Patton interrupted, “We probably shouldn’t say more without Logan here.”

Virgil grumbled under his breath and dropped back onto the sofa, followed by Roman, who placed an arm around his shoulders. It did nothing to placate his anger, but he did lean marginally into his boyfriend’s side.

“We don’t like them,” Remus said in a falsely bright tone as he squirmed out from where he’d been trapped. “How long does he have to talk to Tweedledee and Tweedledick?”

“Language…”

“What do they want from him?” Virgil demanded. Was it Janus’ imagination, or were his eyes shinier than they’d been a minute before?

“I don’t…” Patton glanced at the closed door, “I’m sure Logan can tell you later. I’ll tell you as soon as he’s ready to talk, okay?”

They were given one more reminder to hush, and then Patton disappeared back into their room. The group fell into silence as soon as he was gone.

Remus broke the lull with a loud knuckle crack and a, “So, American Horror Story, anyone?” 

No one complained, which Remus took as affirmation. Virgil had turned to burrow his face into Roman’s shoulder, which smartly, no one addressed. The opening credits flashed across the scene as Remus scrambled onto the loveseat, patting the spot next to him.

“Snakey, sit.”

Janus shook his hands briefly to dispel his nerves before taking the spot next to his boyfriend, leaning into his side. Every bit of contact that he initiated excited Remus to no end. He swung his arm over Janus’ shoulders and pulled him even closer and then, to Janus’ revolt, began to run his thumb lightly over his hand. 

“Yuck, no, no no no, stop,” Janus squirmed, stilling Remus’ thumb with his other hand, and nestling even further into him. 

“Oh, right. Forgot.”

“No harm done.”

They’d barely gotten through an episode of the show when the door opened behind them. Roman wasted no time shutting the TV off, and the four of them watched with rapt attention as Patton and a slightly disheveled Logan emerged. 

“I hear there was some commotion over the content of my phone call.”

“Abso-fucking-lutely!” Virgil snapped. 

“Your concern is noted but unnecessary,” Logan replied curtly, “My parents called because I was not answering their messages.”

“They’ve been messaging you?!” Virgil hissed, pulling away from Roman’s hold to stand. 

“Do they ever stop?” Logan rolled his eyes and finally released his death grip on his cell phone. He slid it into his back pocket instead. “For some reason they insist I come back home this summer.”

Him and Patton did that bizarre communicate-silently thing they did often, as Logan lifted his arm and his boyfriend attached to his side immediately. Perhaps one day, him and Remus would have that level of intuitiveness that puzzled him so. The thought made his face grow hot. A glance at Remus confirmed he hadn’t noticed, though. 

“You haven’t gone back since first year. Why now?” Roman asked. His twin hummed in agreement.

Logan turned his gaze to the floor, taking a while to answer. “I don’t understand their timing. But they are threatening to withdraw financial assistance towards my schooling if I refuse.”

The room exploded into chaos. 

“Are you fucking kidding me?!”

“That’s not fair, after all they’ve done to you-”

“Would anyone notice if they went missing?”

“Remus-”

“You can’t go back there, Lo…”

“I wasn’t planning to! But now I may not have a choice, Patton.” 

“When do you have to decide?” Roman asked, earning a glare from Virgil.

“It’s not a choice, he can’t go!”

“This is my choice, not yours, Virgil! Either way, the due date is in a week. I’ll have made my decision by then.”

Janus stiffened as the air was pulled from his lungs. “Wait, what due date?”

No one seemed to notice his question, however, as the volume in the room raised another octave. His words were lost to the level of shouting, completely invisible to everyone. He tried to pretend it didn’t hurt as much as it did. 

As easy as it would have been to just fade into the background, as per usual, the unanswered question was burrowing a hole in his chest. Janus tugged on Remus’ sleeve.

“What due date?”

Finally, Remus turned sharp eyes from the conversation to him. The slightly manic glint to them softened as soon as he saw Janus’ panicked expression, and he shifted their hands so their fingers locked. 

“S’when we gotta let the school know if you’re staying on campus for summer break. Didn’t you get the email?”

“What email?!” Janus hissed just as the arguing reached its peak. Logan had pulled himself away from (a decently distraught) Patton and was gripping his own arms with white knuckles. 

“Why do you even care?! I’m fine!” He said through grit teeth.

“You’re clearly not,” Roman retorted. Virgil had pulled up his phone and was scrolling through it with purpose, clearly trying to find something. 

“I’ll figure it out! This doesn’t have to be an event for everyone!”

“That doesn’t mean you’re-”

“Will you just drop it, Roman?!” Logan yelled, voice cracking.

Janus nearly bumped into Remus with the way he flinched. The other’s arm immediately tightened around him, a grounding pressure across his shoulders. 

“I think we’re all tired,” Patton broke the tense air with a pleading tone, “Can we come back to this tomorrow? Please?”

Logan was gone without another word, followed by Patton after a round of strained good-nights. 

---------------------------------------

As clingy a couple as they were, sleeping was a different matter. One time, one time only, they’d tried to cram onto one of their puny twin beds and that had lasted a whole half hour before they decided to never try it again. Janus needed his space if he even wanted a chance at a peaceful sleep, and Remus had the lovely habit of embodying a starfish with a caffeine problem, even when unconscious. How he fit on the tiny dorm beds by himself astounded Janus, what with how he splayed. Janus had gotten two full hits to the face before he’d leaned against the wall and pushed Remus to the floor with his feet. The man hadn’t stirred. 

The next morning Remus had suggested (without thinking) that one day they’d just get a bigger bed, and Janus had turned a bright crimson at the easy way he had discussed their future together. 

Either way, for now, they stayed in their respective beds, but at that moment, Janus was missing the distinctive feeling of being Remus’ teddy bear. His mind was a whirlpool of thoughts, or perhaps a tornado. It was a flurry any which way, one that kept his eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling he couldn’t even see in the dark. Across the small room, he could hear Remus shifting, his breath catching every time he moved, meaning he was probably still awake as well. 

“Remus?”

“Yeah, snakey?” 

Guess he was right, then. Janus rolled towards him, even though he couldn’t make out anything in the pitch black. 

“I can’t sleep.”

There was a chuckle from across the room. “Have you even tried?” It was a valid question; it hadn’t been more than five minutes since they’d turned off the lights.

“I mean, I won’t be able to sleep.” Janus sighed. He gnawed at his fingernails as louder shuffling came from Remus’ bed.

“Why not?”

There were a few things, if he was honest. 

“Does Virgil get mad like that a lot?” Not what he’d meant to lead with, but oh well. 

“Oh,” Remus replied lightly, “He wasn’t mad. He probably sounded real pissed though. He was just worried about Logan. They grew up together and all that shit, so Virgil got like a front row seat of all the shit they did to him. Taping his hands to tables so he didn’t flap ‘em, all that.”

Janus was speechless. 

“Is that all that’s buggin’ ya?”

“Not really.” 

“Spill the tea.”

In a familiar moment of self consciousness, Janus curled his knees into his chest. He wants to hear you, he wants to hear you. The blankets pooled around his waist as he sat up, hoping the position would somehow grant him more courage.

“I started thinking about… what Logan said, and now I don’t know if I want to go home or stay on campus over summer. I didn’t know that was even an option. But it would be so much easier to not have to pack up again, and I’m just getting used to it here, but what if my parents are mad, like Logan’s?”

The fairy lights that encircled their room flickered to life, revealing Remus had stretched to reach the switch from his bed. 

“I didn’t get the email and now I don’t even know if it’s possible for me to stay on campus, what if I missed a due date? It’s my fault, I should have checked every folder and now I don’t know what to do, I…” Janus’ sentence bled into a hum from the back of his throat. The swirling flotsam of thoughts thickened, a swarm of bees being swallowed by their own honey; worries still existing, but now infinitely harder to reach and express. 

“I don’t know what to do- I… I don’t, I can’t think, my brain’s too busy-” He wrapped his fists in his blanket to keep from gripping his hair. All of the sudden, he was a coiled spring and there was nothing he could do to loosen the pressure. He needed a release, he needed to move and to be held still, his chest full of helium but his arms filled with a colony of ants under his skin, every molecule separating and floating away. Janus shoved his fists into the blankets, pushing and pushing and begging for the awful pressure to disappear. 

“Hey hey hey, take a breath, snakey. I’m right here.”

The bed dipped under Remus’ weight and his first reaction was to reach out but no, no the ants were still there, in his hands, and he bent them backwards at the wrist to kill the itch. Curl curl curl, and his fists were jammed against his jaw, pressure push stop stop-

“I’m trying, I am, I just-” He cut himself off with a sob that was more of a cough, drawing in a wheezing breath. Remus must be freaking out, he could tell, and god he wanted to stop but the cycle continued, cough and breathe in and try to squish the fucking ants.

“Do you want me to get Logan? Or Patton?”

No, no, no. Janus shook his head vigorously and pushed his fists under his legs, leaning forward to force his whole weight on the limbs. Yeah, yeah that felt better, more weight, he needed more-

“Pressure,” Janus gasped, interrupting whatever Remus had been saying but finding he couldn’t care less. He removed one hand from the safety he’d found and hit the heel of it to his chest. “I need- I need pressure, weight, I can’t-” Cough. Hum.

“Weighted blanket? Is that it?” The worry in Remus’ voice was so clear it was almost embarrassing, but Janus would never admit how much he adored it; it was a level of softness no one else was privy to. 

“No-” The weighted blanket would have been his go to before, when he was alone, but it was never enough. 

Deep pressure therapy, he remembered Logan calling it. A way to regulate the nervous system when it was going nuts, something about resetting the ‘fight or flight’ reflex. He couldn’t remember the details. But he could remember Logan’s explaining different forms of it.  

“Hug?” Janus pleaded, rocking forward onto his hands once more.

“I- What…- Are you sure?”

Janus let out a broken sound. He nodded quickly, freeing a hand to circle it over his chest, palm flat, over and over. Please. Logically, he knew there was no time pressure, but there was an undeniable feeling of ‘hurry, hurry, hurry’ rushing through him. Fight or flight, maybe.

Remus opened his arms and Janus was scrambling across the gap immediately, curling sideways on his lap. The only thing he could compare it to was dumping sand on a fire as Remus’ arms wrapped around him, pulling him closer to his chest and pressing his nose into Janus’ hair. Remus swayed them back and forth like he was reading Janus’ damn mind, and he finally took a deep breath. All the stress trickled from his tense muscles bit by bit, and the younger could have cried from relief. 

Janus was quickly finding it hard to keep his eyes open as Remus kept rocking them, listening to his heartbeat and following his breathing in the rare quiet of their dorm that had come to feel like home. 

“Feeling better?” Remus whispered.

Janus tensed immediately. “Don’t let go.”

“I won’t, I promise.”

And he didn’t.

Taglist:

@max-is-tired​

@joylessnightsky​

@marshymoop​

[monstersandmaw]

Male vampire x male character (nsfw) Part Four

Edit which I’m including in all my works after plagiarism and theft has taken place: I do not give my consent for my works to be used, copied, published, or posted anywhere. They are copyrighted and belong to me.

Sorry for taking 84yrs to post this. I thought I had shared it. Sorry. Hope you enjoy all the same.

Wordcount: 10,904 (story total: 23,704)

Heads up in this part for continued, but easing, tense familial relations, some angst/heartache (not heartbreak though), and some (consensual) blood drinking.

Part One (sfw), Part Two (nsfw), Part Three (nsfw)

Alec let out a shaky breath and crossed to the sofa, sinking down onto it as his legs finally gave out. “Vampires,” he said, hardly daring to believe the word he was uttering.

“Yes.”

“And you’re one?”

“… Yes.”

“And my family…?”

Sebastien’s voice was tight on the other end of the line as he said, “Hunts my kind. Well, those of us who aren’t registered with the ‘Guild of Hunters’ —” his tone turned acrid as he spat the words out, though he kept his voice low and quiet.

“What does that even mean? I don’t know what any of this means… And did you know about my family? I mean, before? When you started dating me?”

Sebastien took another deep breath. “Yes. I knew. And it was a long time before I fully convinced myself that you did not.”

If Sebastien had thought it was some kind of trap, that would explain his reticence at the beginning for sure.

“And were you planning on telling me any of this?” Alec snarled. God, his chest hurt so much. The deception was like Jeremy cheating on him all over again, only this time the betrayal was coming from two fronts at once: from his love life and from his family. Not that he’d had all that solid a relationship with the latter to start with. Perhaps this explained why.

“I hadn’t planned on becoming your boyfriend at all,” Sebastien snapped.

“So, what, I was just a quick diversion? A casual fuck you kept coming back for because I’m such a fucking chump? Is that it?”

“No,” Sebastien sighed. “Not at all. I fell for you. Like the horrid cliche I am, the vampire fell for the hunter, and by then I had no idea how to tell you. I’ve not been with a human before, so this is all very new to me.”

Alec ran his fingers through his dark hair to buy himself a moment. “You… You haven’t?”

“No.”

“How… How old are you?”

“Do you really want the answer to that?”

“Yes!” His phone was slippery in his fingers now from the sweat on his palm but he couldn’t bring it away from his ear long enough to put it on speaker. He needed answers.

With another cavernous sigh, Sebastien said hurriedly, “Very well. I was born in 1897 and turned on the battlefields of the Great War — World War I, that is. I was dying, and a vampire named Felicity who had been working as a field nurse turned me. My first run-in with your family was not long after I moved from France to America. They were working with the American Hunters’ Guild on a case which had nothing to do with me.” He let out a shaky breath and said, “I got in the way and I nearly died. Those were the days before the treaty, of course, and before I moved to England.”

Despite his still-spinning mind, Alec managed to croak, “What treaty?”

“Those of us who get our blood from sanctioned blood banks and do not live-feed are exempt from being hunted like animals.” He spoke like he was quoting from a law code; cold and clinical; detached.

God, the way he said it made Alec’s skin crawl. It was as if he were being permitted to exist on the grounds of good behaviour and, he supposed, that was exactly the case. Even so, Alec couldn’t help the next words that just fell out of his mouth. “So you weren’t planning on feeding from me?”

“Of course not,” Sebastien retorted but then appeared to rein himself in with yet another steadying inhale. “No. It’s been decades since I’ve fed from a human directly. I didn’t plan on starting with you.”

Alec slumped back into the sofa cushions and stared up at the ceiling of his tiny apartment. “Fuck.”

After a long silence, Sebastien’s gentle tenor sounded in his ear. “Are you alright?”

“No,” he said. “I’ve never been close to my family - my dad was always an arsehole, but… I can’t believe Theo’s involved in all this. He was such a sweet kid, and we were really close until…” he swallowed thickly around the rising lump in his throat.

“Until?” Sebastien prompted when he stalled again.

“I can’t believe this is all real,” he muttered. “Until he turned sixteen and started to ‘work out’ with dad. I was at uni by then, getting my fine art degree, but whenever I came home he was just… different. Harder. Sharper. More focused. Guess it makes sense now… Well, as much as… you know…” he gestured vaguely to the empty apartment with his hands, “… as much as all this can make sense. Fucking… vampires…”

After a heartbeat, Sebastien added softly, “Quite literally.”

Despite himself, Alec snorted. “So… where does this leave us?”

Now it was Sebastien’s turn to feel clearly uncomfortable. Eventually he said, “Alec, I don’t think it’s wise for me to see you currently. Not with your family being what they are.”

His heart twisted, even though he’d been half expecting it. “You still think they’d… what, stake you, or whatever it is that vampire hunters actually do to you lot?”

“There are many ways to kill a vampire,” he said flatly. “And your family knows all of them, probably more. You need to work this out with them first as well. Talk to your brother. He seems the more reasonable…”

“I can’t believe Ellie’s in on it as well. And my mother? Fuck…”

“Talk to them.”

“Will I still see you at work at least?”

The awkward silence told him all he needed to know, even before Sebastien said, “I just sent in my letter of resignation.”

“That was quick,” he hissed, stomach dropping. “You only just left.”

“Supernatural speed,” he replied bitterly. “Comes in useful for typing papers and getting out of awkward situations…”

That sparked another question in him. “Supernatural powers, huh? Can you turn into a bat too?”

“No.”

Then he thought of Sebastien’s Halloween outfit. “Wolf?”

He thought he detected a faint smirk in Sebastien’s response. “No, sadly. No shape-shifting for me. Felicity is not of any extraordinary bloodline, and thus, neither am I.”

“Right,” he grunted. “Of course. Is she… is she still around?”

“Felicity? Yes. We meet every now and again. She and her wife spend most of their time in Venice these days.”

“Her wife? She a vampire too?”

Sebastien swallowed audibly. “Yes.”

“Did Felicity turn her too? Would that make her wife your sister?”

“No.”

He frowned. “Did she know her as a human though?”

“Yes.”

After a moment of spinning thoughts, Alec asked, “Did… you turn her?”

“One doesn’t tend to turn one’s own intended. Between a sire and their turned, there can grow… tension. Not always, but it can be enough to ruin a relationship that was seemingly solid before. Something about exchanging blood changes the soul… or so we think, anyway. It was an honour to be asked to sire her.”

“Right.” Alec felt slightly sick. “Will I at least see you before you leave?”

“I think it best if we don’t. Not while your family is still… ‘investigating’ me.”

“Are you really in danger from them?”

“Quite possibly. My name is on the treaty, but…”

Something twanged painfully again in his chest, swiftly followed by the fizzle of fear through his veins. “But what?”

“But vampires and hunters are not supposed to sleep together, Alec…”

“Don’t bang the enemy? How very Romeo and Juliet,” he snorted. “Fuck. Why does every good relationship I have turn to shit?” he asked, not of Sebastien but of the universe itself. “What did I do?”

“Alec —”

“—Don’t. Don’t make it worse by apologising or something. It’s fine. We were only together a month. I’ll get over it. You’ll move on. Heck, you’ll fucking live forever, right? What’s a month to you anyway? Nothing, right?”

The bitterness in his own voice nearly choked him, and without thinking, or even saying goodbye, he just hung up and let his phone lie in his limp fingers on the sofa cushions. It lit up and rang a moment later, but he didn’t answer it. Six more times Sebastien tried before finally giving up.

Kay was an absolute blessing in the next few days.

He didn’t tell her immediately about the whole vampire thing, but after he’d calmed down enough to be able to look at Theo without immediately busting a vein in his forehead, he hashed the basics out with him, and then told her everything. Alec told her about his newly-discovered, secret family occupation which, apparently, stretched back centuries. He told her about the fact that his eldest sister and younger brother were monster hunters in their spare time, and he told her the real reason Sebastien why had vanished overnight without a trace — yes, Alec had gone to his apartment building, only to be politely informed by the doorman that Dr. Dulac was no longer in residence and did not leave so much as a forwarding address.

That, above almost everything else, shattered Alec’s hopes of seeing him again. Like thistledown in the wind, Sebastien had simply flitted away somewhere else.

She took it about as well as he had to start with, but when she saw the seriousness in his eyes, and when, three weekends later, she came to his apartment for a definitely-not-awkward dinner with Theo, she saw video footage that Theo and his father had captured from various hunts of supernatural creatures beyond only beautiful vampires. Then she believed him. Ghouls, ghosts, reanimated corpses, demons… you name it and Theo could tell you about it.

Alec spent Christmas with Kay’s family, and Theo met him for New Year drinks in the city, joined by Ellie. It wasn’t anything like the family dynamic he’d always longed for, but the new degree of openness between them went some way to mending his still bruised heart. Slowly. Gradually. Piece by tentative, honest piece. He never joined in, but Theo started to tell him a bit about what they did. It still sounded barbaric to him, but at least it was true.

He had no word from Sebastien, and the number he had saved in his phone had been disconnected.

With the arrival of spring, Alec found himself more than usually dissatisfied with his job. He was a good teacher, and he enjoyed seeing his students’ talents evolve and grow, but the ever-increasing admin ground him down, and the politics of the faculty and the university as a whole wore on him.

“Have you seen this?” Kay asked one afternoon as they shared a takeaway coffee beneath the drifting cherry blossoms. Petals spiralled down like pastel pink and white wedding confetti, and he watched with an absent smile as a terrier snapped and sprung around on his hind legs trying to catch them while his owner stood and talked with her friend nearby. “Oi!” Kay asked, digging him in the ribs.

“Hmm?”

“Have you seen this?” she asked, shoving her phone under his nose.

He blinked, refocusing his eyes, and read the article’s headline aloud. “Council offers artists the chance to win a sponsored exhibition in the town hall with this unique competition.” He blinked. “So?”

“So?” she gawped. “You can’t be serious?”

“Send me the link. I’ll forward it to my students. They might like that.” That earned him a smack upside the head, and he scowled. “What was that for?”

“Alec, you might be the dumbest smart guy I know,” she said. “I showed it to you so that you could enter it, you giant idiot.”

He blinked. “Me?”

“I saw those charcoals you did the other week of the cathedral! They were amazing!! And the abstracts too… I still want one, by the way.”

“It’s already wrapped up for your birthday,” he groused. “You really think I should do it?”

She rolled her eyes and drained the last of her coffee without gracing him with an answer. Of course she thought he should.

“When’s the deadline?”

“Next Thursday,” she said without looking at him.

Alec licked his lips and swallowed. “Will you help me pick some images to submit?”

Her answering grin was feral.

In all honesty, Alec forgot about having even entered the competition until the letter dropped through his door six weeks later announcing that, to his utter astonishment, he had been selected as the winner. Tears blurred his eyes and he sat down heavily at the tiny kitchen table. He’d never entered any of his own art into anything like this in his whole life, and the first time he does, he gets a whole fucking public exhibition out of it?

“Maybe this year won’t be so bad after all,” he murmured. “New year, new start…” His chest still ached when he thought about Sebastien, and he hoped he was doing alright, wherever he was.

Theo had been searching for him, probably by way of apology for lying to his big brother for all these years, but he’d turned up very little. Sebastien had gone to Venice first, it seemed, presumably to spend time with Felicity and her wife, but had disappeared completely after that, with only rumours flickering here and there that he was in Paris, St. Petersburg, Prague, and then potentially Florence. Maybe.

“Venice seems like a pretty sunny place for a pair of vampires to live,” Alec commented, but Theo shrugged.

“They don’t burn up immediately in sunlight, or your professor would never have been able to take a day-job at the university. They’re sensitive to it, some more than others, but it takes a full day of constant sunlight beating down for them to burn properly.” The callousness of his brother’s response shook him, even after all these months, and Theo must have seen it on his face because he sighed. “I’m sorry,” he said, and then added, “You really loved him, didn’t you?”

Alec shrugged. Yes, he wanted to say. I thought so. “I only knew him for a month or so,” was what he said carefully instead. “And even then… turned out I didn’t know him anyway.”

Theo, who had been lounging on Alec’s sofa with his legs spread and his head tipped back into the cushions while Alec made supper, asked quietly, “Did he seem… normal to you?”

“Normal?” Alec asked, not sure he’d heard his brother correctly.

“Yeah… like… did you ever suspect he wasn’t… you know…?”

“Human?”

Theo grunted and nodded his head. “Yeah. I guess.”

“No. Obviously not. Never crossed my mind. Why would it have?”

Theo scowled and turned his eyes to regard him. Alec knew that Theo looked like a younger version of himself, if maybe in better shape, and he wondered if he’d have the same steely look in his eyes if he’d been deemed ‘man enough’ to become a hunter, or whatever bullshit criteria their arsehole father had used to select which members of his family were to become soldiers and which would live normal lives.

“What?” Alec demanded.

“But you slept with him, right?”

“I’m not talking about that with you,” he said, briefly brandishing the wooden spoon at him.

Theo pulled a face. “I’m not asking about your sex life. Gross. No, I mean…”

In that moment, Alec spotted a flash of something in his brother’s blue eyes that softened him to the kid. He turned off the gas and went over to where Theo was now sitting hunched over with his elbows on his knees, running his hands through his hair. When he looked up at Alec’s approach, his face showed open vulnerability in a way he’d not seen since they were young children and Theo had got himself into trouble at school.

“What’s going on?” Alec asked, seating himself next to his little brother.

Theo bobbed his knee like a deprived caffeine addict and bit his lip. With glassy eyes, he croaked, “I keep asking myself if we did the right thing…”

“What do you mean?”

The bravado of Theo’s early twenties melted away to become a worried, frightened, guilty little boy again and he said, “I mean… if what we do is right…”

“You mean… hunting?”

“Yeah,” he croaked.

“What set this off?”

His brother quirked him a humourless smirk and said, “You always did know when something was bothering me.”

Alec remained quiet, just watching him.

“We teamed up with some hunters from Edinburgh for a ‘vamp gone rogue’ case and we finally found her yesterday. She… She’d been turning people; trying to amass some kind of small army to take over from another vampire further up north. She was insane… like, completely, sociopathically insane, but… the people she turned… they were just…” he blinked, and Alec saw with a jolt that his eyes were full of unshed tears. “They were still just people.”

He feared he already knew where this was going. Still, he asked, “What happened?”

“Father wanted to put them down. They were terrified, chained up… still on the point of lashing out…”

Bile rose in his throat. “Oh god…”

“One of the hunters said she knew of a vampire who could help rehabilitate them; help them adjust to their new lives. One of them didn’t want to live as a vampire though, so father just…”

Theo didn’t need to finish that for Alec to know that father had ended the newly-turned vampire’s life in a heartbeat. “And the rest?”

“The other three went with the hunter. I don’t know what happened, but… I trust her. It’s just… father taught me and Ellie that vampires are mindless killers when they feed… that you can’t get close to them, that all they want at the end of the day is blood no matter what they tell you…  but…” he looked up at Alec. “You’ve been fucking miserable since the whole Sebastien shit-fest. I know you’ve been trying to hide it, and you’ve got the exhibition coming up next weekend, and that’s great, but… I know you’ve stopped putting yourself out there. And we did that. We fucked it all up for you. I just…” he ran his hands through his hair and sent it into wild disarray. “I just wonder if you could really have been happy with him after all.”

Alec pulled his brother close and hugged him. “I’m not going to lie,” he murmured into his brother’s dark hair. “I’m furious with father for keeping everything from me, and for making you and mum and Ellie lie to me and Angie about it as well, but… if I hadn’t seen Sebastien’s eyes go red — yeah, I thought it was just a reflection or something — and if I hadn’t seen the way he sleeps literally like the dead… I’m not sure I would have believed you anyway. I don’t forgive him for it either, but…” he sighed deeply. “I forgive you, Theo. And Ellie.”

“And mum?”

“I’m still working on that.”

Theo went slack beneath him and snaked his arms around his brother’s waist for a moment. “Thanks,” he mumbled into Alec’s shirt.

“You’re still coming to the exhibition?” Alec asked as he pulled back and went back to the stove, giving Theo a moment of privacy to pull himself together.

In truth, Alec was a little shaken too. Their relationship had been slowly patched over the intervening months, but it still wasn’t particularly close, and the matter of Sebastien had been a permanent, proverbial elephant in the room. That Theo was questioning their father’s teaching came as an immense relief to Alec though. He poured them each a glass of wine, and the two spent the rest of the evening in a quieter kind of closeness than they’d yet shared.

When the evening of the exhibition drew round, Alec was quite frankly, a bit of a mess.

“C’mon,” Theo grinned, patting the lapels of his jacket down for him and grinning up at him. “Where’s that Twayblade hunter courage, huh?”

“Must have skipped me and all gone to you,” he quipped back. “Fuck. I’m so nervous. Why am I so nervous?”

“No fucking clue,” Theo chuckled. “You’re awesome and they’re gonna fucking love you.”

“Language,” Alec said instinctively and Theo’s laughter redoubled.

“You’re a big fucking hypocrite, you know that?” Theo laughed just as Kay sidled up with three glasses of champagne awkwardly held between her hands.

“Help a girl out here, would you, boys?” she asked, proffering the glasses to them.

Alec resisted the urge to down it in one — he’d probably only choke on the bubbles anyway — and filled his lungs instead with a big gulp of air. He tried to send all his nerves into the air and then blow it out of his body in one heaving sigh to leave him calmer, but it just gave him a head rush, so he sipped the wine and turned to look around the gallery from the corner where he’d been lurking.

“What if no one shows up?” he blurted, earning him a scowl from Theo and a pout-and-eyebrow-raise combo from Kay.

He needn't have worried in the end. The marketing team had done their work, and within an hour the place was heaving and all but three of his pieces had been reserved. Scratch that. Two.

The fact that almost all of his students had turned up as well to cheer him on and trade high fives, and scrounge free alcohol and food from the canape trays, warmed him in ways he didn’t know were possible.

Overwhelmed and a little bit tearful, he stepped out of the town hall’s main exhibition space and into the small corridor that led to a fire exit and a grotty back car park beyond, letting the flush die down from his cheeks. This was what he’d really wanted right from the moment he’d graduated all those years ago; to be an artist in his own right, with people buying his work at exhibitions… It almost made him giddy to think that he had a chance to do this full time now. It seemed that Sebastien had been right when he’d said he could really make something of himself.

Ah, there was the crash in his mood that he’d been waiting for. Nothing good lasts forever, right?

Would Sebastien have been proud of him if he knew about this? Would he have been there that night, by his side? Would they even have lasted that long anyway, even without his family’s interference?

The noise in the room was gradually dying down when he gathered enough courage to step back into the echoing hall. The pale wooden floors gleamed in the low light, the white of the temporary exhibition walls almost glowing, in stark contrast to the black and grey of his charcoals. He’d chosen mostly charcoals for the show, with a few acrylic abstracts for flavour, and apparently people loved them. Every single one had a red ‘sold’ dot beneath the label now, he noted as he cast his eyes around the room.

Then his gaze snagged on someone standing with their back to him, hands clasped loosely behind them, a long, silver-blond ponytail hanging down their back. And Alec’ vision slipped sideways.

Sebastien.

It had to be him.

No one else stood with posture like that. No one else was so tall and lean and elegant and god-damned graceful, even when just standing still. And no one else stood quite as still as that.

He let out a ragged breath and swayed slightly, glancing around. There was no sign of Theo or Kay just then, and only one or two couples meandered admiringly around the room. And there, fixated by one piece in particular, stood Sebastien.

Inhaling for courage, Alec approached and came to an unsteady halt a few feet away from him. He didn’t look real, somehow. His beauty had always been striking, but now in the low light he seemed like a mirage, with his warm olive skin and contrastingly pale hair, that cut-glass jawline and —

— He turned and met Alec’s gaze with dark brown eyes alight and glassy.

“You’re here,” Alec breathed, at a loss for anything else.

“I hope you don’t mind,” Sebastien said, and the sound of his voice sent a wild tingling through Alec’s whole nervous system. The man — vampire — looked uncharacteristically shy, uncertain, as he half turned to face him.

“Gotta say,” Alec said, scratching the back of his head, “I wasn’t expecting to see you again.”

“Should I leave?”

He chewed his lower lip for a second and Sebastien’s eyes tracked the movement before he blinked and looked back at the charcoal in front of him. It was of the Lady Chapel of the cathedral; one of the most tranquil places Alec had ever been. A shaft of light lanced down from a Gothic window high on the right, scattering fractured shards of light onto the stone floor, and behind it, just barely visible as a grey, misty outline, sat the small altar.

“You’re religious?” Alec asked.

“Mm,” Sebastien nodded. “Surprising, I know, given my ‘condition’, but there you have it.”

All the smalltalk then suddenly boiled up into thick irritation inside Alec and he scowled. “Where have you been? And why now? Why come back now? What do you want?”

He must have raised his voice fractionally because the couple admiring the seascape to their left shot them slightly scandalised looks, as if he’d started swearing in a sanctuary, and he bit back the wave of anger, halting it in its tracks.

“Shall we step outside for a moment?” Sebastien asked and Alec nodded tersely.

Passing Kay and Theo who were sitting in the chairs near the drinks table, Alec cast his eyes at them and watched Theo tense visibly. Kay laid her hand on his thigh and shook her head, at which Theo nodded and sat back, eyes hard, mouth set, but at least he didn’t appear to be on the point of leaping out and staking Sebastien on the spot.

Alec mouthed a silent ‘thank you’ at them both, and followed Sebastien out on to the street.

“You’ve patched things up with your family then?” Sebastien began, standing perfectly still beside the brick wall of the Victorian building while Alec paced.

“Mostly just with Theo, but yeah. Why are you here?” he asked again.

“Honestly? I missed you. Couldn't get you out of my head. I went all over Europe, and even to Asia briefly, and nothing I did distracted me from you, from leaving you. I had to come back.”

“You could have called,” he said, instantly regretting the way it came out like a petulant teenager’s sulking.

“And what would that have achieved?” Sebastien asked evenly. “I was hundreds of miles away.”

“You could have come back sooner? Talked to me in person?”

Sebastien sighed. “I was afraid that your family would come after me. I needed to disappear.”

“Theo convinced father to let you go. As you said yourself, your name was on the treaty, and you didn’t hurt me or hypnotise me, or whatever… did you?”

“No,” he said, pale brows pinching with evident distaste.

“Could you have?”

Sebastien levelled him with a dark look. “Yes, but… that’s not something I enjoy doing. It’s a survival mechanism — to make people forget what they’ve seen — it’s not something to be used lightly.”

“Ok, but you could have, and you didn’t, so that was another reason to let you go,” he said. God he wanted to kiss him. The realisation hit him like a gut punch and he turned away. Alec ached inside and out for those lips, those hands, those eyes… “Fuck,” he whispered, barely audible. “Are you staying?”

“Do you want me to stay?”

Alec rounded on him, frustration pouring out of him again. “Don’t answer my question with one of your own. Are you staying or not?”

Sebastien remained eerily calm, but a heartbeat later Alec saw that it wasn’t serenity in his eyes but sadness. “If you want me to, I’ll stay. I want to try again, Alec. I want… I want to be with you. I’ve never felt for anyone what I feel for you.”

“Feel? As in… present tense?”

“Yes. It hasn’t faded. Not with all the days and distance between us.”

“God, you sound like a shitty romance novel hero…” he scoffed. “I almost believe it.”

Sebastien spread his hands and said, “I am who — and what — I am. You know me, Alec, in a way that no one else ever has. I was utterly myself with you, except for the fact that I kept my nature from you. I hope you can at least understand why, if not forgive me. Everything else was genuine. I have never done that — been that open, that vulnerable — with anyone.”

“Even knowing what my family are?”

“Even then.”

Alec looked up at him and saw his own reflection in those dark, rich brown eyes. “Show me.”

Sebastien’s angelic face soured into a confused frown. “Show you what?”

“Your eyes. Your fangs. Show me what you are.”

“Now?”

He looked around. The street was empty on either side, with the only people around gathered outside a bar further up the street.

When he turned back to say yes to Sebastien, he found blood red eyes glowing in the man’s face. “Holy fuck,” he hissed. Every already-chiselled line on Sebastien’s face had sharpened somehow, his cheeks hollowing a little, perhaps to account for the additional hardware he now sported in his mouth, and his eyes seemed a touch more sunken. And they glowed as if lit from within.

Heartbeat thrumming out a wild tattoo, he stepped closer and Sebastien went utterly still. His chest ceased to rise and fall, and he didn’t even blink as Alec raised his fingers to his left cheek. “Show me.”

Sebastien swallowed and parted his lips. Angling his jaw a little to one side, he showed Alec the elongated canines, three quarters of an inch long. “Careful,” he murmured as Alec made to touch them. “Vampire venom is potent, even in small doses.”

“Does it really do what the hunters say it does?”

Sebastien’s red eyes glittered almost playfully. “I don’t know,” he smiled, seeming to relax a fraction. “What do they say it does?”

“Drives your victims wild, acts like a date rape drug, makes humans lose their will and their inhibitions…”

At that, a hardness returned to his features and his lip twitched in a lopsided snarl, like a wolf backed into a corner. “That’s certainly one take on it,” he said. “It creates a rush of euphoria. It’s supposed to make feeding a pleasant experience for all concerned. Endorphins in the blood make the taste sweeter, and the human feels no pain or fear.”

“Right. Gotta say I like that one better,” Alec said with a shaky smile. “But I’m not gonna risk it right here… And fuck me, your eyes are incredible.”

“They’re still red, hmm?” he asked.

“Yeah.”

Closing his eyes and tilting his face upwards a little more towards the cloudy night sky, he inhaled deeply. His features softened again, and Alec watched, fascinated, as the slight bumps behind his closed upper lip slid away into nothing, presumably as his canines retracted into his gums. When he opened his eyes, they were their usual, endlessly dark brown once more.

“Better?” Sebastien asked, oddly self-conscious.

“No,” he said. “Just different.”

Something prickled on the back of his neck and he turned to find a woman silhouetted against the light of street lamp halfway up the road. “Friend of yours?” he asked, tense.

“Felicity. She came with me.”

“Why? Surely you don’t need a wingman… or, you know, woman.”

With a tiny smile, Sebastien said, “You make me more vulnerable than you realise, in more ways than one. And we weren’t sure if your family would be here.”

“Or whether they’d want to flambé you…”

“Precisely.” He inclined his head and the woman did the same, turning and vanishing even as Alec blinked.

“Can you do that too?” he asked, still gawping after her.

When he turned back, he found that Sebastien had stepped in close to him - close enough that his faint, woody cologne wafted gently around them and he felt his knees wobble slightly. He’d missed this. Oh god, he’d missed this. “Mmhmm,” Sebastien hummed. “I can.”

“Kiss me,” Alec whispered. “Please…”

Sebastien didn’t need telling twice. He took Alec’s face in both his hands and crushed a passionate kiss to his lips so hard that Alec’s mind went perfectly blank for a few beautiful seconds. When he came to, he grabbed Sebastien’s narrow hips and tugged him close, making the vampire grunt as their bodies connected.

This time, he took Sebastien’s ponytail in one hand and began to pull on it gently. Sebastien yielded at the pressure and tipped his face back, exposing the entire column of his throat to Alec without resistance. The gesture left Alec stunned and breathless. In his research with Theo over the past months, he had learned that for a vampire to expose their throat to another implied absolute trust. Overwhelmed, he pressed his lips to the bare skin and felt Sebastien gasp, grabbing at his shoulders suddenly to keep himself upright.

Over and over, the vampire shuddered tangibly beneath his touch and gasped sharply again, panting. As he shifted his hips against him, Alec felt Sebastien’s growing hardness, and at the same time, Sebastien drew back, eyes screwed shut. “Stop,” he laughed. “Not here.”

“I want you,” Alec moaned, one hand on Sebastien’s chest. “Fuck, I’ve missed you so much.”

“I want you too,” Sebastien smiled, opening his eyes. They glowed scarlet again. “And because of that, this —” he said, gesturing to his red eyes, “— isn’t going to go away quickly this time.”

“This too?” Alec said, boldly cupping the obvious bulge in Sebastien’s smart black trousers gently with his hand and making the vampire groan.

“Yeah, that too.”

“Your place or mine?” Alec asked with a dizzy grin.

“You decide. I’m booked into a hotel one street over for the next two days,” he said. “If that affects your decision in any way.”

“Yours,” he said. “I… I’ll just…” he looked over his shoulder and caught sight of the exhibition banner dangling by the door. “I should…”

Sebastien nodded slowly. “I’ll be here.”

“You’d better be,” he snarled as he adjusted himself and prayed no one would notice. He took a few steadying breaths on the threshold of the town hall and then disappeared inside.

Kay raised her eyebrows at him when he reappeared.

“Not a word,” he said through gritted teeth.

“Your hair’s a mess,” she said conversationally. “Is it windy outside?”

“Fuck off,” he grimaced and she laughed. “Where’s Theo?”

“He left out the back way,” she said. “But he told me to tell you to enjoy yourself tonight, and that he’ll stand by whatever makes you happy.”

Unexpected tears prickled his eyes and he tugged her into a hug that was probably meant for his brother.

“You can thank us later,” she said, shoving him off her. “Go be with your Prince of Darkness…”

“I’m not sure how much he’d like you calling him that,” he said as he stepped back. “I’ll have to wrap things up here first…”

It seemed to take forever, but he finally found the events coordinator and after an interminable conversation full of congratulations, agreed to stop by the next day to take down the exhibition and sort the sales out. His heart was thudding when he stepped back outside, but he let out a huge sigh when he saw Sebastien leaning against the brick building, face tilted towards the moon that was just peeking out from behind a bank of cloud.

“It’s like one of your charcoals,” Sebastien said without tearing his eyes from the sky.

Alec crossed to him and smiled when Sebastien met his gaze, red meeting blue. Alec slid his fingers into Sebastien’s where his hand hung quietly by his side.

“Ready?” the vampire asked.

Alec nodded, and let Sebastien lead him back to his hotel.

They barely made it into the lift before Alec was kissing him, backing him into the mirrored sides of the lift with a thud before the doors had even closed. He stopped suddenly, drew back and laughed, and Sebastien — who looked like he’d just got whiplash — asked, “What?”

“Vampires do have reflections after all…”

Sebastien rolled his eyes and gave an indecorous snort-laugh. The sound was rich and warm and it filled Alec’s whole consciousness for a moment. “It’s only the antique ones with genuine silver backing that don’t show our reflections. Technology has evolved, thank goodness. Now, if you don’t mind, you were kissing me senseless…”

“Sorry,” he laughed, grabbing Sebastien’s white shirt collar and tugging him down again. They nearly didn’t get out of the lift at Sebastien’s floor, but as the doors began to close again, Sebastien slid his foot into the path of the doors and dragged Alec out.

Clothes landed in a steady line on the carpet between the door of his hotel room and Sebastien’s bed, ending with them both in only their boxer-briefs on the pristine white surface of the bed. Alec was tipped back onto the duvet and lay there staring up at Sebastien who was now no longer hiding his nature from him at all. Red eyes blazed in his face and as he opened his mouth to breath heavily, the tips of his fangs were just visible. There was no denying that he was a vampire.

“Was it like this before?” Alec asked hoarsely. “I mean… did I just not see it?”

“I had to work very hard to rein all this in,” he said, kneeling on the bed and crawling a little way up it. His own boxer briefs strained at the crotch where his erection tented the fabric, and Alec’s own black ones were stained with a little spot of wetness where his cock twitched with eager interest. “I only let it slip once or twice, but you were distracted at the time.”

Alec smirked and then moaned as Sebastien’s palm skimmed up over his groin and over his stomach. He’d always been a bit self-conscious about the softer parts of him, but Sebastien worshipped him like he was some kind of immortal god, lavishing attention on him over and over until he was shaking and gasping and sweating. “Please!” he begged after what felt like hours. “Oh god, please…”

Sebastien slid off the bed and deftly removed his own underwear before encouraging Alec to lift his hips for him and drawing his boxer-briefs down too. Before Alec could think or process what was happening, Sebastien was between his legs again and had swallowed the entire length of his cock to the back of his throat in one.

“Oh fuck,” he hissed, mind whiting out.

Sparks of pleasure shot up his spine as Sebastien worked him alternately with his mouth and his hand.

He teased him, licking the slit at the tip where pre-come beaded profusely now, teasing the delicate folds of skin until Alec thought he was going to shatter apart with want. Just before it got too much to bear, Sebastien would take him back into the wet heat of his mouth and work the underside of his cock with his tongue, swallowing occasionally and making Alec’s head spin all over again.

His balls tightened and he spread his legs wider, instinctively opening himself to Sebastien.

The vampire moaned against his cock and Alec whimpered. Pulling off him, an obscenely inviting thread of saliva and pre-come connecting them briefly, Sebastien sat up and reached for the top drawer of the bedside table. “Vampires neither catch nor transmit diseases,” he said, “But if you still wish to use protection —”

“— I haven’t been with anyone since you,” he rasped. “And I’m clean anyway…”

“As you wish,” Sebastien smiled, withdrawing an almost-new bottle of lube and sitting back down between his legs. Alec eyed it and Sebastien laughed shyly. “I opened it last night…” he admitted and Alec grinned.

That smirk shattered into an open-mouthed groan as Sebastien’s finger slid inside him and he began to prepare him. There was nothing perfunctory about it either. Sebastien took his time to work him open, his fingers fucking into him slowly, almost reverently, until he crooked them and Alec yelled as white-hot pleasure shot through him.

“Still so sensitive,” Sebastien crooned and Alec just shivered in response. His thighs were quivering too now from the effort of not bucking upwards into the empty air, his cock drooling freely over his slightly soft stomach with each futile twitch. He knew he was a wanton mess, and he couldn’t quite find it within himself to care. It seem to drive Sebastien wild anyway.

When Sebastien added a third finger, still stroking up and down his thigh with his other hand, Alec broke.

“Please, please, please,” he whimpered, out of breath and desperate. He cracked his eyes open and looked down at Sebastien to find that his red eyes had been almost eclipsed by his blown pupils. He gave a weak buck of his hips to try and encourage Sebastien to get on with it, but the vampire seemed utterly transfixed by him. He worked his fingers over Alec’s prostate gently but with absolute precision, and it was going to make Alec lose his mind altogether.

“Pleasepleaseplease, I need you, please…” he wailed as Sebastien’s mercifully short and blunt fingernail caught him just so and sent another jolt through him.

Finally the vampire moved, but as he withdrew completely, the loss almost shattered him. “Shh,” he smiled, stroking a soothing circle at Alec’s hipbone. “I’m still here…”

Alec whimpered like a wounded animal but his foggy brain accepted that the loss was only temporary, and he watched as Sebastien took his own flushed cock in his hands and slicked lube up the length of it in a couple of efficient strokes, head bowing under the attention it was receiving at last. He’d focused solely, completely, on Alec’s pleasure for all that time, and the realisation sent a fresh wave of lust rolling through Alec’s entire body.

He spread his legs, but Sebastien caught Alec under his left thigh and raised his leg easily, exposing Alec completely. Before Alec could process anything, his tip was nudging at Alec’s entrance, and then he had sunk all the way in to the hilt.

Sebastien froze then, bowed forwards over Alec like a supplicant, canines openly bared, eyes screwed shut, not even breathing.

“Sebastien… please…” Alec grunted. He’d never felt as full and whole as he had with Sebastien inside him, and yet this wasn’t enough. He’d ached for this. For months, he’d ached for it, and still it wasn’t enough. “Bast, please…”

Finally, the vampire opened his searing red eyes and began to move.

Slowly at first, he picked up his pace until Alec’s back was arching and his fingers clawed great furrows in the sheet beneath him. With each thrust, Alec saw stars at let out little fractured, broken gasps. Sebastien was quiet, almost silent, while Alec himself was unable to stop the sounds from tumbling out of him. He moaned and whimpered, gasped and cursed and begged until Sebastien yanked him further down the bed and lifted his hips a little way off the mattress entirely.

From this new angle, it was so blindingly good that Alec went alternately taut and limp with ecstasy. “I’m close,” he gasped over the slap of Sebastien’s hips meeting his skin.

The vampire snarled then; an inhuman sound that sent the hairs prickling all down Alec’s body.

“Come for me,” Alec begged in a whisper, opening his eyes and watching as Sebastien chased his release with a ferocity he’d never shown before. He wasn’t careless with his strength, but he was certainly forceful. Had Alec wanted to grunt ‘stop’, he knew the vampire would halt, but that was the furthest thing from his mind as he watched the flawless perfection of this man above him. “God you’re so beautiful,” he whispered. “Come for me, Bast…”

And at the sound of his name, uttered in little more than an abbreviated wheeze, Sebastien went still, hips spasming as his spine arched back like a bow at full draw, mouth open, head thrown back, fangs bared, eyes rammed shut, a sheen of sweat covering his perfect, bronze chest, his silver hair falling around him like a veil.

The sight of him like that wrenched Alec’s orgasm from him with such sudden force that he almost blacked out, and he clenched around Sebastien’s still-twitching cock as he spilled all over himself. Vaguely, he felt Sebastien trying to withdraw, but he grunted, “Don't… not yet… please… I… unngghh…” Unable to finish the sentence as the last shock waves fluttered through him, Alec went limp against the bed, breathing hard, his blood roaring in his ears.

He wasn’t sure how much time passed before Sebastien did finally move, but eventually he slid his softening cock out of him and Alec grunted at the cool slide of the vampire’s release down his thigh. He was too spent and exhausted to care about the mess though, and as Sebastien collapsed onto the bed beside him, he cracked one eye open.

Sebastien lay on his left side with his cheek pillowed on his bicep, facing Alec with his eyes closed, and he didn’t seem to be breathing. Tentatively, clumsily in the daze of his recent, mind-blowing orgasm, Alec reached out and touched the delicate skin on the inside of his arm. Sebastien jolted like he’d received an electric shock, and opened his eyes. They still burned bright red, but the rest of his face seemed a little softer somehow.

“You alright?” Alec asked.

Sebastien nodded.

“Been a while too, huh?” Alec grinned, flopping back down to stare at the ceiling where little points of light still sparkled across his vision every now and again.

“Not since that last night with you,” he said, words slurred with exhaustion. “Unless you count my rather pathetic climax alone last night, which I certainly don’t.”

“Not at all?”

He shook his head but didn’t speak again. The vampire lay perfectly still — perfectly undead — and perfectly vulnerable beside him without even a sheet to cover him. His cock now lay soft across the top of his right thigh, still drooling a little and making a mess on his olive skin. Not half as much mess as Alec was currently sporting over his torso, he mused with another smile.

With Sebastien showing no sign of stirring, Alec rolled carefully off the bed and headed on shaky legs to the shower. When he returned, Sebastien hadn’t moved, and he slid in beside him, drawing the sheets up around them and lying there to stare at him in the dimness of the unlit room, processing everything. Sebastien was back, and apparently wanted to stay. He could hardly believe how well that day had gone.

Waking the next morning with a cool, lean body pressed against him, Alec sighed, relieved that it hadn’t all been some kind of fever dream brought on by the stress of the exhibition.

The fact that the man next to him was an undead vampire who didn’t breathe in his sleep was a bit unnerving, and the way he had his cheek now resting on Alec’s collarbone and his nose pressed against his neck should also probably have been a bit of a warning, but Alec couldn’t bring himself to move, except to place a soft kiss on his forehead.

Suddenly, as if surfacing from boundless depths, Sebastien’s body heaved and he drew in a great, sucking, rasping inhale through his mouth. His lips brushed against Alec’s pulse and Sebastien began breathing heavily there for a moment.

“That will never not be weird,” Alec murmured.

“Apologies,” Sebastien muttered, trying to roll away. He paused, freezing, and then whispered, “I fell asleep…” as if that was something miraculous.

“Yeah, you passed out almost as soon as we both finished,” he snickered.

Sebastien turned his big, dark, doe eyes on Alec and said, “No, you don’t understand. Vampires don’t just shut down like that the way humans do. We only sleep somewhere we know is secure and safe…”

“Oh,” Alec said significantly as the realisation plunged through him. He tucked his arm under Sebastien’s head and tugged him closer so that their bodies were once again flush with one another. “I’m glad you felt safe…”

Sebastien sighed, trailing his fingertips across Alec’s chest in absent circles. His cock twitched too, and Alec shot him a look.

With a bashful smile, Sebastien said, “I can’t help that I find you attractive, Alec…”

“Wasn't complaining,” he grinned.

It was a long time before they rolled off each other that morning, with the sun well up and the sheets damp with sweat and tangled around their ankles. Vampires, it seemed, had a longer refractory period than humans, but Sebastien also came so big when he did that Alec wasn’t surprised. He gave everything to Alec when he came that Alec could quite happily lie there all day just staring at him as he came down afterwards.

The room was chilly, however, and when Sebastien seemed to have dozed off again around ten o’clock, he headed to clean up. Again.

As the steam billowed around him, he tipped his head back into the stream of searing water and nearly yelped as the shower door opened and let in a rush of cold air as Sebastien stepped into the stall as well. Cool hands found his waist and then strong fingers kneaded his arse appreciatively before Sebastien kissed and nibbled up his shoulder and traps to his neck. Instinctively, Alec tilted his head to one side and Sebastien moaned, pressing open-mouthed kisses there over and over as the hot water coursed around his lips.

The sensation must have been too much for him because he pulled back sharply with a hiss and Alec turned to face him, water still streaming down around them. Sebastien stood frozen, eyes red, staring at Alec’s neck. “I shouldn’t…” he began. “That was stupid of me… I…”

“What happens to the treaty if the human is willing?” Alec found himself asking. He’d thought about it a lot before drifting off the previous night. If Sebastien had wanted to drink from him, to feed on him, what would happen to the tenuous peace between hunters and vampires like him.

“Don’t,” Sebastien said through gritted teeth. His canines were elongated, Alec noted.

“What happens?”

“The only way it’s permitted is if the human agrees by written contract to become the vampire’s source.”

“‘Source’?” he asked. “That sounds like an official title.”

“It is,” Sebastien said, relaxing a fraction and putting his hands back on Alec’s hips. His cock stirred with interest and Sebastien smiled. He leaned back in, as if proving to both of them that he could do this, and kissed down Alec’s neck again from the junction of his jaw all the way to his collarbones. He ground his hips against Alec and they both began to harden again.

Alec’s hand went to Sebastien’s cock and he started to stroke him gently, knowing he was still sensitive from their last round. Sebastien let out a ragged exhale, the cool breath making Alec shiver slightly in the heat of the water.

“So…” Alec pressed gently, thumbing across the top of Sebastien’s flushed cock.

“Hmm?” he asked, a little stunned.

“What is a source?”

“A human becoming a vampire’s source means that the vampire drinks only from that human. It’s… an ancient - ah - custom,” he said, gripping Alec’s shoulders as Alec upped the speed and adjusted his grip to tighten just a little around his now fully hard cock. “Rarely used today, but still… nngh…”

“Mmm?” Alec grinned, loving that the vampire’s thoughts were unravelling under his touch. “Go on.”

“You’re a menace,” he laughed breathily, nipping playfully at his neck and then kissing him hard. Alec’s back suddenly hit the icy tiles behind him and he yelped, rearing into Sebastien who wasn’t all that much warmer, though the heat of the water was raising his body temperature from the ambient temperature of the room.

“So if…” Alec began, somewhat distracted as Sebastien’s kisses continued and the vampire raked his fingers through Alec’s wet hair, scraping luxuriantly across his scalp hard enough to make him break off and groan. “If… if I wanted to become your…”

“Don’t,” Sebastien whispered. “Not yet. Not so soon after… all this time.”

The subtext was clear. Let’s see if this is going to last before I risk my life with the hunters guild and your family, shall we?

“Fair enough. Nothing to say I can’t suck you off now though, right?”

“Nothing at all,” he whispered and then immediately cursed as Alec sank to his knees and did just that.

It was only as he was handing in his own letter of resignation that the truth really sank in for Alec. He’d gone from post-grad assistant in the department to a full lecturer, where he’d stayed for six years, and now he was moving a little way out of the city, and moving in with his boyfriend of a year. A vampire, nonetheless. His life had gone from miserable to wonderful in that relatively short time.

Sebastien met him at the edge of campus after he’d handed the letter personally to the head of department. Standing under the verdant cherry trees, Sebastien looked like a vision. He wore tight, dark jeans and a loose shirt, half untucked, with his long hair tied back in a loose plait, fly-aways wisping around his head like mist. Alec walked straight up to him as the vampire opened his arms, flung his own arms around Sebastien’s neck, and hugged him.

“All done?” Sebastien asked without pulling back.

He nodded and popped back down from his toes. They were both tall men, but Sebastien had a few inches on him still. With a slightly doe-eyed expression, Sebastien smiled and kissed him gently. “I love you,” he said softly between kisses.

“Come on, you big sap,” Alec said. “I’ve got to be out of my apartment at four.”

“Such a romantic,” Sebastien sighed melodramatically.

With Sebastien’s supernatural strength, loading up the little van they’d hired for his stuff didn’t take long, and after giving his keys back to the landlord and signing the final bits and bobs, they were on the road.

The old farmhouse had been a find of Sebastien’s, and it needed some work. “Well, what else am I going to do on long, impossibly sunny summer days while you’re running your own business from the little art studio at the bottom of the garden?” Sebastien had laughed when they’d first viewed it, the back of his hand pressed to his forehead in a terribly ‘put upon’ gesture. “I might as well spruce the place up.”

“It needs more than a light ‘sprucing up’,” Alec had said, brows raised at the rotten wooden beam and the tired 1950’s kitchen. “And don’t tell me you made your wealth flipping houses back in the day.”

“Would you rather I told you I robbed the Bank of England and they still haven’t noticed?” he replied archly before planting a kiss squarely on Alec’s scratchy, stubble-darkened cheek.

With a scowl, Alec had shot him a look. “I honestly don’t know whether that’s a lie or not…”

“It’s a lie,” Sebastien snorted. “I can’t believe you think I’m a criminal.”

“You’re a vampire,” he’d retorted. “You could probably have just walked in there and demanded a small fortune in gold ingots and they wouldn’t have objected…”

“Please. I do have some scruples. And besides, I only use my charms on poor, miserable artists to get into their pants…”

“And their hearts too, apparently,” he’d scoffed as they’d left the dilapidated house with Sebastien’s hand in Alec’s back pocket, fingers firmly cupped around his arse.

It took another six months for the work to be completed, and even with Sebastien’s not inconsiderable talents in the DIY and home improvement departments, they still had to call in a team of builders to fix the pointing in one wall and to sort out a few other structural issues. But by the end of the work, the farmhouse was quite frankly the most stunning place Alec could ever have dreamed of living. Exposed oak beams and a fireplace big enough to park a tractor in were only half of the best features of the place.

One clear, frosty evening in late October, the pair sat outside on the recently finished patio, a small cast iron fire-pit crackling away and sending sparks and heat twisting up into the night sky, a glass of wine each in one hand and their free hand clasped around the other’s.

“Bastien…?” Alec said, not taking his eyes from the mother-of-pearl points of light in the sky above.

“Mmm?”

“I’ve been thinking a lot lately about… about becoming your source.” He didn’t miss the sharp inhale from his partner, nor the way Sebastien went completely still in the wooden chair beside him. He also didn’t say anything. “I’d… I’d like to ask how often you’d need to feed from me, and… what the repercussions would be for me as the human…”

Still Sebastien didn’t speak for a long time, and Alec worried he’d spoilt the serenity of their evening with the sensitive question. Finally, the vampire cleared his throat and Alec realised with a jolt that he was near tears.

“Bast?”

At the sound of the pet-name, Sebastien blinked rapidly and two mirroring tears tracked down his cheeks in perfect synchrony. “I thought you’d forgotten all about it,” he said in a hoarse croak. “I didn’t want to bring it up again.”

“You should have done, silly,” Alec groused, and he was met with a watery smile that didn’t meet his eyes at all.

“Well, to answer your questions,” he said, trying to sound unaffected even if he clearly was. “Every three months is safe enough, so long as you take an iron supplement. If you don’t, you might feel a little more tired right afterwards. We generally take slightly less than a person would give at a blood donation, if that helps put it into context.”

Alec turned and frowned at him.

“What?”

“You’ve gone all clinical,” he said, shuffling a little and setting his wine glass down on the edge of the stone fire pit. “Do you not want this anymore?”

Sebastien swallowed thickly and looked away. In the ochre and copper flicker of the flames before them, his suddenly red eyes seemed to glow like coals. “More than you know…” he rasped.

“Then what’s the problem?”

He chewed the inside of his cheek for a moment before turning back to face Alec with glassy eyes. “I’m frightened.”

Alec’s scowl deepened and he rose from his chair to straddle and sink down into Sebastien’s lap. Settled in his new position, he kissed Bast’s lips and stroked his loose, white-blond hair out of his eyes. “Of what?”

“Losing control. It’s been… decades since… If I hurt you, Alec… it would break me.”

“How about we start small? Just a taste?”

Sebastien looked so young then in the firelight. He suddenly looked like the twenty year old man he had been when he’d been conscripted into the army and sent out to battle to die, only to be turned at the eleventh hour by a nurse in a field hospital who’d seen something special in him. Thank god she had, Alec mused.

Alec leaned back a little and brought his index finger slowly to Sebastien’s lips. The vampire swallowed, red gaze drifting down to watch its approach before looking back at Alec’s face, searching, questioning, doubting.

Alec nodded and slid his fingertip a few millimetres into Sebastien’s mouth. The vampire inhaled, closed his eyes, and then opened his mouth properly. Alec brought the pad of his fingertip to the underside of his right canine, and pressed.

After a moment, the pressure gave way and a prick of pain like a needle pierced his skin. A bead of blood welled there instantly and he withdrew to let it swell. Sebastien clearly smelled the blood because his pupils dilated and he sucked in a sharp breath.

“Easy,” Alec said. “It’s only a drop.” And with that, he turned his finger over and held it above the tip of Sebastien’s tongue.

Paralysed in a heartbeat of terror, Sebastien sat rigid, frozen, wide eyed, but Alec lowered his finger to meet the slight roughness of his tongue, and Sebastien’s eyes rolled. He moaned and let his tongue play across the tiny pinprick wound, fingers digging into Alec’s hips. The tiny wound had already stopped bleeding, but he sucked gently, drawing a little taste more. Then he released Alec and stared at him, a look of stunned awe on his beautiful face.

“How was that?” Alec asked, briefly thumbing a fond arc across Sebastien’s cheekbone before dropping his hand.

“Manageable,” Sebastien murmured.

“Ok, I have to ask, do I taste good?”

The tense spell that encapsulated both of them broke and Sebastien cracked a smile, fangs and all. “Yes,” he rasped.

“So… I can become your source?”

“If you wish it, yes. You can withdraw the honour at any time. I won’t hold you to it.”

“Good to know,” he said, only half laughing. A moment later, he said, “When… When do you want to start… you know… properly. Formally?”

Sebastien’s eyes had drifted to the rabbiting pulse in his neck.

“Now?” he asked. “It’s only been a few weeks since you went to the blood bank though…”

“That’s…” he said, hands finding Alec’s waist and holding him gently. “That probably works in my favour this time. Are you sure you want this?”

“To be ‘yours’ on your terms as well as mine? Of course,” he smiled, and watched as another tear rolled down his perfect olive cheek. He tilted his head to one side, feeling a little sheepish, and said in barely a whisper, “Whenever you like.”

“Really? Now?” Sebastien hissed, chest suddenly heaving. “Just like that?”

Alec laughed quietly. “It’s not as if we’ve just met. I know you, Bast. I trust you. I wouldn’t offer this to just any old vampire, you know?”

Unable to stop the smile from twisting his lips, Sebastien finally relented with a nod. “Alright. But not here. You’re going to want to be more comfortable.”

“But I’m already comfortable here,” he whined playfully, wiggling his hips in Sebastien’s lap, eliciting a deep, rumbling groan.

With a roll of his red eyes, Sebastien sighed. “Stubborn arse,” he grumbled without sting.

“You love my arse.”

“Yes, you’re right. I do,” he said.

Tenderly he ran his thumb down the line of Alec’s carotid and inhaled deeply. “I love you,” he whispered. And then he leaned close. He took his time kissing Alec’s neck until he was gasping and rocking his hips against Sebastien.

“Please…”

“Last chance,” Sebastien said against the skin of his throat.

Alec shook his head. “I want this. I’m yours.”

So the vampire sank his fangs into the artery. After the initial surprise and sting, Alec’s whole body lit up as the venom hit his bloodstream, and he bucked into Sebastien who held him still with what should have been frightening ease. There was no fear behind the gesture, only longing and love and sweet, aching, rolling, unending pleasure.

“Oh fuck,” Alec moaned, going limp in his arms as Sebastien began to feed, withdrawing his fangs to draw more deeply on him while he held him easily in his arms. The vampire moaned, lips locked against his skin so as not to spill anything. The motion of his throat suddenly fascinated Alec as he swallowed down his own life-force, but before he could raise his hand to touch fingertips to his Adam’s apple, pleasure exploded in his mind and he forgot everything.

When he came back to himself, he was inside, lying on their bed, with a small, soft dressing over his neck, and Sebastien sitting quietly on the bed beside him, staring down at him and holding his hand. As he blinked his eyes, he frowned. “What…?”

“It’s intense the first time,” Sebastien murmured fondly. “I did say you’d want to be somewhere more comfortable.”

“ S’perfect,” he slurred. “Fuck me…” he added, more curse than command.

“Maybe later, hmm?” Sebastien smiled. There was a flush to his cheeks that Alec had never seen before, and a brightness to his eyes.

“C’mere,” Alec said, patting the bed beside him. With Sebastien lying silently next to him, Alec rolled over and hooked one leg over Bast’s thigh. “Love you,” he mumbled, sinking into a deep and exhausted sleep, even as Sebastien’s hand came up to cradle his head.

The vampire smiled, kissing his forehead. “I love you too.”

___

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[reidandweep]

Dinosaurs and Sharks

Spencer Reid x Reader (female)

A/N- Im going to be doing a couple of imagines on some subjects that I relate to specifically. This is the first one, so I hope you enjoy. Also I made up a lot of the American stuff. So sorry if it isn’t accurate as I am from Britain.

Word Count- 4567 words

Warning- Fluff, Angst, mentions of anxiety and panic attacks.

‘Anxiety is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind. If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.’ - Arthur Somers Roche.

Everyone remembers their first. First kiss. First love. First heartbreak. First time they watched their favourite film or read their favourite book. One first is always clearer than the rest. Every detail so vivid in a person’s mind. For Y/N, it was her first panic attack.

She remembered the feeling of not being able to breath as her lungs constricted around nothing. The gasping for air as her hands began to shake. She was alone and did not know what was happening. Y/N thought she was dying. That this is what death felt like. It took her approximately 38 minutes to calm down her breathing; her face a canvas of dried tears and her hands aching from their clenched position.

As life continued, Y/N found that these moments would happen often. Anything could trigger a panic attack. She had them over miniscule things like using the wrong coloured pen for her notes. But also, over dramatic events in her life, like being employed at the BAU.

It had always been her aspiration to work for the FBI. Y/N would not let anything get in her way of achieving what she had worked so hard for. Choosing not to disclose information about her anxiety to the team, Y/N had successfully kept her anxiety under control at work. Stepping out when she felt overwhelmed, doing her set routine to help slow down her breathing and her heart rate. No anxiety or panic attacks had occurred at work. Until one late Thursday evening, whilst trying to solve a case, it seemed like there was no way out of the oncoming wave that was about to crash over her.

YN sat at her desk, re-reading over the case for what felt like the hundredth time. They had been in Atlanta, Georgia for three days with no luck. Two more lives had been lost, and if they didn’t work fast enough, another would soon be too.

Y/N was alone in the office in which the team had been situated into for the time being. She had volunteered to look over the victimology once more as Rossi and JJ spoke to the families of the two newest victims, and Emily and Morgan went to the second crime scene as Hotch and Spencer surveyed the third.

Cracking her back as she stretched from her crouched position, Y/N looked at the clock on the wall. The team would be back soon, and she could not see anything new. She had to keep looking. As she delved deeper and deeper into the words before her, her eyes glanced between the pages of the file and the clock, Y/N felt the creeping tension in her chest.

“I haven’t got the time for this.”

Y/N banged her fist on the desk as her chest got increasingly tighter. Looking down at her fist, she saw that it was shaking.

As her other hand moved to her chest, Y/N stood up from her chair and paced across the room.

“Not now. Anytime but now!”

Y/N tried to take deep breathes to ease the panic that she felt. She couldn’t help but to glance at the clock. She couldn’t risk the team seeing her like this. Grabbing the file, Y/N dashed out of the room, looking for somewhere where she could calm herself down.

Seeing an open door ahead, Y/N looked inside the room to survey its contents. Noticing no one inside, she quickly shut the door behind her, dropping the file on the table as she continued to pace the room.

“Breathe, Y/N. Breathe.”

She tried. Y/N tried so hard to regulate her breathes but her chest continued to rise and fall at an increasing rate.

The feeling was overwhelming. She hated that she could never control it. No matter how much she tried. The exercises never worked. Her therapist’s advice was useless. She would have to stay in the room until she calmed down; however long it took.

Sliding down against the wall, Y/N threaded her shaking hands through her hair, pulling on the strands as tears flooded from her eyes. Her cries were quiet, but to her they sounded so loud that they echoed in her mind.

As the team walked back into the precinct, they discussed the evidence in which they found from each scene and interview conducted.

“Both parents of the most recent victims state that their daughters did not know each other. They were all from different areas and attended separate universities.”

Emily nodded at Rossi as they continued to walk towards their allocated room.

“The crime scenes both showed signs of a struggle and personal items were missing from both the bedrooms. This time it was a pompom and a baton.”

The team took in Hotch’s words. Emily walked to the door; hand situated over the door handle.

“Were the girls on any cheerleading teams?”

JJ shook her head at Morgan’s question.

“Well let’s just hope that Y/N’s found something that we’ve missed.”

As the door opened, the team looked in confusion to see Y/N nowhere in sight.

“Maybe she went to get a drink. We were gone for a while.”

The team headed into the room, situating themselves across the threshold as they continued to discuss the new evidence. Spencer lingered at the door.

Something felt off. Spencer noticed that Y/N file was nowhere in sight and that her phone was left on the table. She was never without her phone.

“Guys, I’ll be back in a second. I’m just going to go to the bathroom.”

The team all acknowledged Spencer’s words in their own way; too engrossed in the case to notice Spencer’s perplexed look.

Spencer walked down the hall as he thought of where Y/N could be.  As he turned the corner, Spencer immediately noticed the picture on the floor; in the middle of the empty hallway. Walking towards the picture, Spencer crouched down to survey its contents. He recognised it as a piece from the victimology report.

Looking down the corridor, he saw multiple more pictures on the ground. Spencer continued to follow their path, picking them up as he passed each one. He soon came to an end when no more pictures were strewn on the carpet.

Beginning to worry, Spencer wondered where Y/N could be. Just as he was about to head back to tell the team, a muffled sound could be heard.

Spencer stared at the door in front of him. It was labelled ‘Interrogation Room 4’. Spencer knew that no one had been brought in for interrogation so far, therefore, the room should be vacant.

Carefully, Spencer moved his hand to grasp the door handle. Opening the door, Spencer quietly walked inside. As he shut the door behind him, Spencer instantly recognised Y/N on the other side of the glass.

His heart broke at the sight of her. Unable to stand by for even a second, Spencer opened the door adjoining the hidden area to the interrogation room.

Y/N jumped from the sound of the opening door. Looking in the direction of the noise, her breathing elevated as she saw who had opened it.

She could not bear for anyone to see her in this way. The team had seen her as anything but strong. She had never cried on a case. Or thrown up or fainted at the sights they had seen. She was able to control the overwhelming feeling that enveloped her until she was alone.

“Y/N…”

“S-Spen-ce, ple-a-ase le-le-leave.”

Y/N struggled to speak as she gasped for air. Her throat dried from her cries and her face wet from the constant tears.

For a miniscule of a second, Spencer contemplates doing as she asked; until he truly looks at her. He had noticed signs of Y/N being anxious in the past, but he had written it down as nerves from being new to the team. He would have never guessed anxiety disorder or panic attacks due to her confidence and lack of breakdowns on the field. They had all cried or walked away from bodies during their first few months; even Hotch had. All except Y/N. Spencer moved to stand in front of Y/N. Crouching down, he reached for her hands in her hair.

Y/N couldn’t help the confusion that showed on her face as she allowed Spencer to grab her hands from her hair and hold them in his own grasp. Spencer hated touching hands. He hated germs. In her short time at the BAU, her hands had never touched his once.

Spencer locked his gaze with Y/N as he began to speak.

“Y/N, is It okay if I help?”

Y/N slowly nodded her head at his question. He had already seen her hyperventilating. She may as well take his help.

Spencer stroked the back of her hands with his thumbs.

“First, can you look at five things in the room and describe them for me?”

Y/N’s hand shook in Spencer’s as her eyes darted around the room as she tried to focus on five objects. There weren’t enough things in the room. Spencer noticed her increasing distress.

Squeezing her hands, Spencer pulled her focus back to him.

“it’s alright. Let’s try this instead. Describe five things about me. Anything you want.”

Y/N’s eyes travelled across Spencer. First, she locked onto his hair.

“Your hair is short-er-er than it was la-las-st week. You’ve had it cut. I Li-ik-ike it.”

Spencer blushed at her compliment; nodding his head at her to continue.

Y/N could already feel her breathing relax. Her hands still shaking as the sweat on her brow and neck continued to cool her burning skin.

“You’re wearing your favour-our-rite tie. You always wear it on days th-th-at you want to be better. You’ve worn it twice since we’ve be-ee-en here.”

Spencer was shocked at how observant she was with him. Of course, she was observant, she was a profiler, but he never thought it would be in his direction.

“You have one purple sock with dinosaurs on and one blue sock with sharks on. Purples my favourite colour and sharks are my favourite animal too, how weird.”

Spencer noticed that Y/N know longer stumbled over her words, her breathing was evening out and she even smiled when she looked at his socks.

“My favourite colour is purple too. I prefer Saurapods specifically in reference to dinosaurs. Sauropods evolved to walk on four legs and typically grew to enormous sizes. They were herbivores and consisted of dinosaurs such as…”

“Brontosaurus, Brachiosaurus, and Diplodocus.”

Spencer was finding out more and more about Y/N in this single moment than he had in her whole time with the team so far. He determined it down to her walls being lowered due to her panic attack.

“Yeah. That’s exactly what I was going to say.”

Y/N couldn’t help a smile grow on her face from the look that Spencer was giving her. Her hands began to shake less as she held his gaze. Unconsciously, matching her breathes to his deeper ones. She was calming down without even realising.

“Two more things.”

Y/N licked her lips; ridding the dryness as she scanned Spencer to describe another detail.

Spencer tried to ignore the gesture, but he could now feel his own hands begin to sweat in her grasp. He shook his head. He was helping her. He had to focus.

“You look like you can play piano. You have the hands for it. They’re large and smooth. A lot bigger than my little hands.”

Spencer chuckled at her words.

“I actually don’t play piano. I wanted to join the band in high school, but I was already picked on for being so young, I didn’t want them to have something else to use against me.”

Y/N squeezed Spencer’s hand.

“I wasn’t in band, but I was the school mascot throughout high school. I got teased relentlessly for it because of what our mascot was.”

“What was it?”

“A pig.”

Spencer looked at Y/N perplexed. Y/N rolled her eyes at his obliviousness. “The boys on the football team would often make fun of my weight. It crippled me for some years, especially because I had to travel with the cheerleaders, who were a lot skinnier than me. I had to be there at all their competitions to show school spirit. Our school would even give me things to help amp up the crowd.”

Spencer grasped Y/N’s hands tighter.

“Like pomspoms?

“Yeah, and megaphones. When the band played, they gave me a baton to twirl and throw in the air.”

Y/N saw the look on Spencer’s face. She knew instantly why he looked so shocked.

“We found items missing from the two newest victims’ rooms. One was a pompom and the other a baton?”

“Did the baton have a specific symbol on the stick?”

Spencer nodded his head.

“The parent’s said it was blue and white with a manatee on the bottom.”

Y/N rushed to her feet pulling Spencer up with her. Dragging him out the door, Spencer ran to keep in toe with Y/N as she explained to him her thoughts.

The team looked on stunned as Y/N and Spencer came bursting through the door; their hands interlocked, and Y/N’s face adorned with tracks of dried tears.

Before they could question what was going on, Y/N began to talk.

“All three of the victims were mascots for their university teams.”

Morgan shook his head.

“The parent’s said that none of their children were part of the cheer team.”

Y/N began to wave her arms as she spoke, unaware of her hand still grasped in Spencer’s as it moved alongside her own as she spoke.

“Being a mascot does not connect you solely to the cheerleading squad. You represent all teams at the school; basketball, baseball, soccer, football etc. Every year, the mascots go with the teams to their state events. It’s like a sports decathlon kind of event where each universities sports team face other universities. Even the mascots compete against one another’s.”

Hotch looked at Y/N inquisitively.

“And how do we know our victims attended this event?”

Y/N looked towards Spencer to answer.

Spencer cleared his throat as he was aware of the flickering gazes between Y/N and Spencer’s interlocked hands and Y/N tear stained face.

“The items taken from the girls’ bedrooms are all ritual items for the Spirit Games. It’s a superstition that if these items are not in the holder’s possession during the games, that they cannot win. Y/N recognised the logo on the baton. The manatee belongs to the State College of Florida. They have been an exception into the games, even though they didn’t qualify the past few years. That was the stick taken out of Alison Cable’s room. Alison attended University of Colorado; whose mascot is Milo the Lynx. Alison would only have the baton with her team mascot on; unless she took another teams.”

Rossi faced Y/N.

“What are the other items that are need for the ritual?”

“So, there’s the baton for band, pompom for cheer, captains arm band for soccer, mouthguard from the quarterback for football, and sweatband from point guard for basketball. If one is taken, then it’s considered bad luck for all the teams of that university.”

JJ turned towards Hotch.

“The pompom that Melissa Druid’s mother described was dark blue. Melissa attended the University of Georgia. Their colour is red.”

Prentiss agreed.

Hotch looked at Y/N.

“Are you positive about this?”

Y/N began to doubt herself. Worrying that she might have overthought it all. Her breathing picked up once again until Spencer squeezed her hand. With his empty hand, he pointed at his hair, then fiddled with his tie, then pulled up his trouser leg to show his unmatched socks. He was helping Y/N stay grounded.

Y/N looked at Spencer in wonder; all she could think at that moment was how special Spencer Reid truly was. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath in and out, calming herself down.

As she opened her eyes, she locked them onto Hotch’s.

“Without a shadow of a doubt.”

Hotch nodded his head in approval.

“Morgan and Prentiss, I need you to go back to the first victims’ home. Re-assess the room and ask if either a mouth guard, sweatband, or arm band has gone missing. Question the parents about the Spirit Games. Rossi and JJ, I need you to look into the alumni on the board of the Spirit Games. Get Garcia to do checks on all potential members who had gone to the State College of Florida; correlate it to our profile. Reid, you’re coming with me. We’re going to the State College of Florida. Y/N may I have a brief word?”

Y/N looked towards Spencer. She knew that Hotch would want to speak to her. There was no way he would ignore her bursting into the room, not only holding onto Spencer for dear life, but also looking as dishevelled as she did.

Letting go of Spencer’s hand, she turned to follow Hotch out of the door. As they stood in the hallway, Y/N couldn’t stay quiet with the anxiety pushing her thoughts out of her mouth.

“Hotch, I know it doesn’t look the best, but I promise that Spencer and I were not fraternising.”

She couldn’t handle the blank stare that Hotch aimed towards her, so she continued to talk.

“When I got the position on the team, I made sure my anxiety was under control. I went to therapy. I learnt techniques and I took steps away when I felt overwhelmed. I made sure not to overwork myself. It was going fine. But this case made it feel like we were getting nowhere. I didn’t want you all coming back to find out I had found nothing new. I began to get anxious and I fled the room before you came in. Spencer found me in one of the interrogation rooms. He helped calm me down from my panic attack. I promise you, that’s all that happened. I will keep it under control.”

Hotch waited for Y/N to finish talking, allowing her to take some breathes.

“We all have things we want to keep to ourselves from the team. Privacy is hard to have in this line of work. I didn’t tell anyone about Hailey and I separating until months after. But something like anxiety needs to be told. We can help you Y/N, you’ve seen that yourself today.”

Y/N nodded her head.

“Coping with anxiety and panic attacks do not make you inept to be a part of this team. Each one of us deal with something that make us believe that were a hinderance. But it’s not and it will never be. So, I know it’s hard, but stop worrying about how the team view you. Your part of the family now and if that means having to take a step away or flagging someone over to help calm a panic attack then by all means do it. But I can say that it seems like the best person helped you today.”

Y/N blushed at Hotch’s words, noticing the ghost of a smile on the man’s face.

“Now go to the room and take a rest. When you feel up to it, join Rossi and JJ with contacting Penelope when looking into the alumni and Spirit Games board. You’ve been a massive help so far, don’t think otherwise.”

Hotch squeezed Y/N’s shoulder as he walked past her to re-enter the room.

She watched as each member filed out to go to their assigned task. Her eyes caught Spencer’s as he left the room. Just as he began to walk towards her, Hotch called Spencer over; insisting that they left straight away.

Y/N mouthed bye to Spencer as he waved back. Their gaze not breaking until he walked out of the precinct.

Heading back into the room, Y/N notice Rossi and JJ in discussion.

“Hey guys, is it alright if I take a quick nap? It’ll only be 10 minutes at most.”

Rossi and JJ smiled towards Y/N. The team having been debriefed slightly by Hotch about what had occurred. She didn’t mind. Like Hotch said, they were family and they were there to help.

Rossi opened his arms as he beckoned Y/N into his embrace. She followed his orders and wrapped her arms around her superior. She smiled as JJ rubbed her arms and leaned her head on hers in comfort.

“Take all the time you need Sleeping Beauty; we will be right here.”

Y/N chuckled at Rossi’s nickname for her.

Releasing herself from the hold, she thanked her two friends as she laid down on the sofa. Shifting to become comfortable, her eyes instantly rolled shut from the fatigue of the emotions that had flooded from her body in the past 45 minutes. It didn’t take long until she was deep in the world of sleep.

Rustling and conversation could be heard as Y/N slipped back into conscious. Her eyes still heavy as she refused to open them for a little longer. She could hear the voices of the team around her.

“Is everything packed and ready to go?”

“Looks like it, just got to wake Sleeping Beauty up and we can head to the jet. What don’t you give her true loves kiss, Prince Charming?”

“Actually, Prince Charming is in affiliation to the story of Cinderella. You mean to refer to Prince Philip from the Disney production. In Sleeping Beauty’s original story, the “hero” is a king who meets a beautiful sleeping princess and decides to rape and impregnate her while she’s sleeping. So, I think I will just awaken her as one usually would.”

Y/N couldn’t help but giggle at Spencer’s rebuttal to Morgan.

“Well, it doesn’t seem like you need to Pretty Boy, because Sleeping Beauty is awake.”

Y/N opened her eyes as she rubbed them excessively to clear her vision. She saw Spencer sat on the edge of the couch, his satchel at his feet. Looking around the room, she noticed all the team’s stuff packed; her bag and coat neatly laid on the table. The only people in the room was her, Spencer and Morgan.

“How long was I asleep for?”

“4 hours, 2 minutes, and 36 seconds from when JJ text us that you had fallen asleep.”

Y/N groaned at the clarification that she had slept so long. By the lucks of the packed-up items, the team had found the unsub.

“I can’t believe I slept through everything. Someone should have awoken me.”

Derek chuckled as he threw his back over his shoulder, grabbing the last two boxes in the room.

“We were going to but Prince Phillip over here went into a ramble about the importance of sleep in relation to dealing with anxiety and stress. Just following the doctor’s orders. Even Hotch was afraid to go against his wishes. We’re leaving in five, so I’ll meet you both downstairs.”

Derek left the room, leaving Y/N and Spencer sitting in baited silence.

Neither knew what to say. They had crossed over into a territory of friendship that neither were expecting. Feelings that weren’t apparent before was now clear to themselves. Y/N had always found Spencer fascinating. Spencer was usually weary of new team members, but he had warmed to Y/N very quickly. He wouldn’t have touched her hands if he hadn’t.

“We better not leave them waiting any longer, or else they’ll think I’ve fallen to sleep again.”

Spencer chuckled at Y/N, following her actions as she grabbed her bag. He walked to the door, waiting for her as she put on her coat. Holding the door open, Spencer gestured for Y/N to leave first, the woman thanking him as he turned off the light behind her.

Luckily, the police station was close to the hanger. As Y/N and Spencer joined the team outside, it took them not even 10 minutes to arrive by car.

As the team boarded the jet, idle conversation flowed between the group. Talks of weekend plans and food that would be ordered when people arrived home.

Y/N stood from her seat by Emily and across from Spencer and Morgan.

“No one look at my cards. I’m going to make a coffee, does anyone want one?”

There was a chorus of no from the group as she walked to make her drink.

Pouring the liquid into her cup, Y/N’s chest suddenly felt tight. Her hands beginning to shake; spilling the hot liquid on her hand. Hissing at the pain, she went into the bathroom to put her hand under cold water. As the pain. In her hand subsided, the one in her chest rose again. She could feel another panic attack happening. The only thought she had was to get to Spencer.

Opening the bathroom door, she felt relief as she noticed that Spencer now sat alone on the sofa, flickering through some paperwork that they would more than likely complete once they got back to Quantico.

Not even thinking, Y/N headed straight for Spencer, startling him as she plopped down beside him.

Y/N took deep breathes, once again matching them with Spencer’s.

Spencer glanced at Y/N as he recognised what she was doing. Not wanting to cause a scene with the team which could elevate Y/N’s anxiety Spencer nonchalantly linked his left hand with Y/N’s right one. Repeating the actions, he had done so in the interrogation room.

“What’s your favourite dinosaur?”

Y/N looked over at Spencer as he asked the question. She watched as he put down the file; giving her his undivided attention. Her eye’s flashed down to his socks as she relayed his question in her head.

“My favourite dinosaur is the Apatosaurus. But my favourite prehistoric creature is the Carcharocles Megalodon.”

Spencer couldn’t help but beam at Y/N’s answer.

“Did you know that even though megalodons and dinosaurs are both extinct, they never coexisted. The dinosaurs died out about 66 million years ago. Megalodons came later. The oldest megalodon fossils are from the Miocene Epoch, which began 23 million years ago.”

Y/N felt the pain in her chest ease as she turned to face Spencer, her hands unconsciously moving to fiddle with the one in his grasp. Spencer tried to keep the colour of his cheeks down as he felt her play with his fingers.

“It makes sense.”

Spencer looked at her in confusion.

“Why?”

Y/N couldn’t help but laugh as she answered.

“Because Megalodons would have ruled during the dinosaur’s existence. The minute they go near the water, bam, Megalodon has its dinner.”

Falling deeper into their conversation, Y/N and Spencer were blissfully unaware of the attention from the team they were receiving.

“They seem to be enjoying each other’s company.”

The team chuckled at JJ’s remark.

“Look closely folks because we’re going to be telling this story at their wedding one day.”

The team looked on, watching as the two profilers interacted.

They may not have known Y/N long, but they had all known Spencer long enough to know that what they were seeing was the beginning of something incredibly special.

‘There is never a time or place for true love. It happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single flashing, throbbing moment.’- Sarah Dessen.

A/N- I will be looking into other subjects in my next imagines so I hope you enjoy. The way I’ve portrayed anxiety and panic attacks is how I have experienced them in ways. I haven’t gone into depths how truly bad I have dealt with them because I’m writing it for the character. So I understand please understand if it doesn’t reflect how you may deal or know someone who deals with anxiety and panic attacks experience it. X

Tagged list- @danielleslegacy​