#like good god the wasted opportunities along with the little accountability for this girl

[hwadess]

[00:28] stoner!yunho (s)

this is actually my first fic ever on this account and i haven’t really kept up with writing since like 2019??? lol… here goes nothing! i did not fully proof read this so if there are any errors pls let me know 😭 also, i feel like this goes without saying but obviously i know weed is NOT legal in south korea, but this is a work of fiction and i like having fun. i am 100% projecting. yep! anyways,

warnings are underneath the cut!

MINORS DNI, YOU WILL BE BLOCKED!

remember, tumblr’s algorithm works off of reblogs. i love and appreciate likes but please reblog my work as well if you like it ♡ much love!

warnings: reader has female anatomy and is called gendered terms associated primarily with females, !!!usage of marijuana!!!, dom!yunho, some light stoner terms, reader tells yunho to stop but doesnt mean it, size kink, use of nicknames/pet names/titles (baby girl, tiny, angel, doll, good girl, yuyu, sir), obv strong language, unprotected sex (please always stay safe during sex!), creampie, fingering, cunnilingus/oral (f receiving), degradation, humiliation. if i forgot any i will add!

word count: idk i edited it in app and lost track (jk update its 3,479!

your friend group was definitely a crazy one, hosting escapades you could never imagine by yourself, making so many memories. all of your firsts were with your friends by your side. hell, you would be with your friends every single second of every day if you could, but today when yunho came home talking about how he had someone in the group find some really good weed, you knew you had to try it alone with him. even though you knew you’d definitely hear from wooyoung about it later. yunho told you that he was sworn to that it would create one of the best highs you had ever faced.

god, you were hoping that his friend was right. you knew how you were when you smoked, you were excited. of course, the two of you could not waste such an opportunity, right?

your head is filled with warmth as your body started feeling floaty, the harsh coughing from the first hit of this third blunt really helping the feeling set in. the drug began to hit you even harder at this point, turning your entire world into a dizzy, yet comfortable daze. you look over at yunho, eyes half lidded from the effects of the bud, bright with the reflection of the led lights that outlined the corners of your bedroom walls.

you took a second to absorb every single detail of his appearance, his hoodie somehow big on him, making you wonder how you’d look wearing it, remembering how big he is already. he was wearing sweatpants, the string on it tightened just enough to hold them loosely around his hips. the weed had the gears in your mind grinding even harder than usual, he looked fucking amazing.

you don’t know if it was the overwhelming urge to be close to him, or what got into you, but before you knew it, your leg was thrown over his lap, and you were there, straddling him on the sofa in the bedroom. taken back by this a bit, yunho breathlessly laughs before cocking a brow at you, head lolling back lazily along the back of the couch from laughing. you take your almost completely cashed blunt, placing it in the ashtray beside the two of you, immediately bringing light kisses to the part of his neck thats barely exposed by the oversized hoodie. fuck, he was so perfect.

that’s all it took, his body began to react what seemed almost instantaneously, his hips subconsciously pressing against you, starting the process of getting hard, as he grabbed your waist for leverage.

“ooh what’s this, pretty girl,” he cooed out, pushing your hair back out of your face, exposing all of your features even more to him. you were so pretty, “some weed got your little pussy wet?”

“no, you did,” you barely managed, the breath barely leaving your lungs. he smirked at you before tapping your side, automatically remembering that’s his sign for wanting you to raise your arms to sneak off your shirt.

“well, i’d better take care of this little problem i created, don’t you think doll?” with large yet gentle hands, he eased you off his lap on the sofa to take you to the opposite side of the room to his bed.

the room was coated in a haze of smoke as the bed creaked ever so quietly underneath the weight of you two. the harsh smell of this particular leaf clung to your senses but you were used to it, the smell didn’t bother you as much as you thought. even if you weren’t used to it, you weren’t sure how much you could even pay attention to the smell of anything when your tall boyfriend was pulling off his sweatpants to reveal his semi-hardened cock. your mind was full, the thoughts mixing in your head, enough to make you fucking dizzy. the effects of what you smoked had long since taken over, you were feeling so much.

“you wanted to start this, so go ahead.” he said, moving back onto the bed with you and then laying down against the bed, head on the pillows, gesturing down with his chin.

you knew better than to act stupid. your whole body shuddered when you looked up at him and saw him wearing the cockiest smirk you swear you had ever seen in your life. he was gonna be the death of you.

you crawled on top of him, taking the same position you had on the bedroom sofa, but this time you took his thick cock in your hand, positioning the tip of him at your entrance.

“wait, angel” he interjected, grabbing your wrist to make you release his cock. your swear your need was about to boil over any second now, mind burning with the thought of how close he was to filling your needy hole up.

“do you think you can take me like this?” he asked, looking at how big his cock looked next to your cunt. you stared back at him, blinking blearily, you were overtaken with confusion and the empty feeling in your chest having the pleasure of his cock that was so tantalizingly close ripped away from you, so hungry for his cock buried in you.

“just a couple more things, doll,” yunho adjusted in his spot, putting pillows underneath the back of his head, so he was laying up a bit more. he brought one large hand to your waist to stabilize you so you stayed still on your knees above him while his other hand slid between your thighs, spreading your folds to run his finger down to find your wet entrance. when he felt the arousal seeping from you just by gliding his fingers through your slit, he hummed softly, sinking two digits inside you which drew a pathetic cry from you.

his fingers were coated in your wetness as he pulled them out, but he still took a moment to tease you by brushing the pads of his fingers along your clit and dip his fingers in just an inch or so a few times until he was satisfied enough with how worked up you were. it wasn’t until yunho retrieved it that you realized he had his unfinished blunt tucked behind his ear, licking off his fingers coated with your juices before grabbing the lighter on the nightstand and lighting it, unexpectedly blowing all the smoke right into your face, making your eyes burn with tears. if they were from the smoke, or from need, that you weren’t too sure of.

“alright pretty baby, you should sink down for me,” he ashed his blunt before looking back at you, cocking an eyebrow at you, making you shiver.

his eyes were on your shaky ones as you eagerly positioned him at your entrance. the moan you let out as every single inch of thick cock grazed against against your walls menacingly slow was absolutely sinful. the neediness in your moan made yunho’s cock twitch inside you as you slowly worked him deeper into your wet cunt.

“now that’s a good girl, huh?,” yunho groaned out, one arm beneath his head on the pillow and the other gripping your waist. between his lips was the blunt, smoke going up in a helix from the burning tip and the corner of his mouth as he panted, feeling your tight walls squeeze him, filling up your little stretched out cunt.

your body was so sensitive to every touch, every single feeling running through your body. you could feel yunho’s cock everywhere. it was so overwhelming. all you could think about was how delicious it felt that his cock was ramming into that one particular spot that made you feel like you were going to pass out right there on his dick splitting you open.

your whole body was so sensitive from the pot, so much so that you found yourself on the edge quickly. your body began to tremble harder than you have before and you gasped out to your boyfriend, hands reaching to bring him closer,

“fuck. i’m gonna cum.” yunho laughs, feeling your cunt clench around his cock, “already, huh?” he mocks you, taking another hit while he watches your trembling fingers leave the grip on his shirt to find your swollen clit to hurl yourself into your crashing orgasm. your hips spasmed uncontrollably and your cunt was squeezing him as you came all around his thick cock, but you continued to ride him, abandoning your clit in favor of going back to grabbing onto his hoodie for leverage.

“fuck, tiny, you’re so good,” he grunted, rutting his cock up into you deeper. “yuyu, y-your c-cock is… s-so g-good,” you barely managed to choke out, bottoming out and grinding your clit against the base of his cock as you felt another orgasm already building in your tummy.

“gonna cum again?” he laughed this time, making your cheeks sting with humilation, but if anything this fueled you working yourself over the edge for him until you were trembling on top of his cock once more.

“fuck!” you yelped out, focusing on your bouncing to aim his cock to brush against the spot that feels the best. you didn’t even give yourself a break, eager to find your next release, eager to make him cum. you just wanted to be so good for him, all you wanted him was for him to fill you up with his cum.

yunho was basically panting, skin glowing shiny under the blue led lights in the room as a light coat of sweat coated his forehead, and he couldn’t deny that you looked so gorgeous right now. he adored when you were so insatiable to the point where you lost your mind on his cock, using him as your toy to make yourself cum. he was more than happy to sit there and let you take what your body needed.

and you, you were a sight for sore eyes. sweat beading over your body with your head thrown back, as you ground down on him with your little cunt filled with his long cock. you had already cum so much already, and you weren’t sure how much or what time it even was. time was a blur at this point, and it was the last thing you were gonna think about. the creases of your thighs, as well as his were both covered in your cum, creating sloppy, loud wet noises every time your skin met.

you were positive you had stained the bed beneath the two of you now, there was no way it hadn’t. it was filthy and you both fucking loved it.

“fuck, yunho!” you pathetically wailed, holding yourself down as deep as possible once you bottomed out, reaching down with a desperate hand to brush against your swollen clit gently enough to initiate the most toe-curling orgasm out of yourself that you think you have ever experienced. yunho groaned, pulling the blunt out of his mouth to blow a lungful of smoke back into your face as you gasped for air from cumming so hard.

“god, i can fucking feel you cum like that doll,” he groaned, tucking the rillo back in his mouth in to grab onto your tits, relentlessly pinching your hardened nipple between his fingers.

“jesus fucking christ,” you groaned, placing your hands behind you on his thighs, using him for leverage as you began to bounce onto him again. you had no idea how the burn of your thighs wasn’t bothering you as much as it should’ve been, but you just equated it to the thc flowing through your system. “you feel so fucking good, yuyu, fuck!”

“what was that?” something shifted in him, watching you through dark and heavy eyes as you lost yourself on his cock. his cock twitched in your cunt so hard, “your tiny cunt’s so fucking sensitive, couldn’t stop cumming even if you wanted to, huh?”

“fuck. yuyu, i’m gonna cum.” the nickname took his breath away, he loved how pathetic and small you looked while hungrily bouncing on his cock, calling him such a cute nickname. he could never admit it but the nickname made him fall apart, but he wasn’t going to admit that. yunho hisses, feeling your cunt clench around his cock that he swears has never been this hard before.

your head went blank, everything was subconscious at this point, digging your nails into the skin of his thighs, grinding your clit against the hilt every time his cock filled you to the brim.

yunho scowled, seemingly unsatisfied that you weren’t answering him. he sat up slightly, tangling a hand into your hair and gripping a fistful tightly to force you to stop bouncing on him, making your eyes meet his worriedly.

your pupils were blown, eyes shining with tears of need. your body was trembling above him as a sign that you were desperately close to another orgasm, and he stole that from you. this was the first time he had really moved since you got onto the bed, and the sight of him taking another long, thick hit, tapping off the ash off the side of the bed carelessly, and then blowing the smoke right into your face with a blank expression had you clenching pathetically around him.

“hmm, i asked you a question, angel,” he cooed, speech a little mumbled as he held the blunt between his lips again to free up both of his hands. wrapping both hands around your waist to shove you onto his cock the deepest it could possibly reach.

“i, i didn’t hear what you asked…” you whimpered, his cock making contact with your cervix from the angle he was sitting at now.

“i know that. poor thing,” he loosened his hold on your hair to move to cup your face almost a confusing amount of gentle, “so fucked out on my cock you can’t even think? is that what’s happening here?”

“y-yes sir,” you whimpered, the attempt to grind down against him unnoticed failed as your clit throbbed so painfully from the neglect.

“sir, huh? cute. sir fucked you dumb?” he smirked, reaching up and taking away the blunt completely now, putting it fully in the ashtray that was at the nightstand.

“y-yes,” it was a small reply, not able to get anything out that was more than that. you just wanted to cum for him again.

“my stupid little baby girl,” he chuckled, his lips against yours. you immediately responded, the pot aftertaste lingering in his mouth. you wrapped your fingers in his hair, deepening the kiss as you began to bounce on him again.

“fuck,” you cried, feeling close as you ground your clit against his pelvic bone every time you sunk down onto him. yunho lowered himself back down against the pillows again, but this time, he wasn’t letting you take control in any sort of way this time. he started to fuck up into your dripping cunt instead of leaving the work to you completely.

“rub that clit tiny, cum on my cock again,” he panted out, grabbing your free hand, which had been busy playing with your nipples, to press your fingers against flush your clit. “fuck that’s it,” he praised when he felt your pussy flutter around him, watching you gently circle the bud as you rode him to your high.

the sight of you just using his body for your own pleasure while feeling your warm cunt wrapped around his throbbing cock was beginning to become too much, he could feel the heat of his own orgasm beginning to sneak up on him. the amount of self control he’s able to show after all this time was still astounding to you, and you just wanted to break that and let him paint your insides with his cum.

“fuck, fuck, i’m cumming again,” you got out in between broken words and gasps for air, thighs trembling as your high washed over you so hard it almost hurt. this time, the force from the orgasm was so intense you were unable to hold yourself up and you leaned down to rest your face against his chest as you panted and trembled through the aftershocks of your orgasm.

everything happened way too fast, and suddenly you found yourself on your back with yunho towering above you. his cock slipped out of you in the process, making your hole clench pathetically when you realized you weren’t full anymore.

“what are you doing…” you whined, arching your hips in a lazy attempt to get him back inside you.

“im gonna eat you out,” he mumbled, instantly lowering on the bed until his head was between your thighs. “oh fuck, you’re soaking,” he used his thumbs to spread your folds apart, exposing your entrance and swollen clit to the chilly air in the room. “how many times have you cum?”

“i don’t remember,” you muttered almost lifelessly. it felt so nice to be lying on your back again and giving your legs a break. you were so gone at this point, how could you remember?

“what a slut,” he growled, dragging the flat of his tongue against the tip of your clit, before shoving his tongue into your hole, coating his tongue in your delicious juices. your hands shuffling to yank at his hair when he used the tip of his tongue to graze your clit gently.

“holy fuck, that feels so good,” you whined out, arching your hips to grind against his tongue, making him chuckle.

it was unfair, how fucking good yunho’s cock felt in you, and how he had a sinfully good mouth. the feeling of his tongue licking over your swollen bud and you remembering how good his cock felt filling you up just minutes ago had you you cumming so much, spiraling into another screaming orgasm. this time, however, as your eyes rolled back and you let out a shriek of his nickname that he loved so much, you felt yourself utterly gush against his tongue.

“fuuuck,” yunho growled, sitting back on his heels before immediately sliding into your embarrassingly wet cunt without a second thought. the noises that came when he sunk into you would have embarrassed you if you not for the weed and the adrenaline pumping through your system.

“c-can’t anymore, yuyu, please stop,” you whined, but made no attempts to halt him as he began pounding into your sopping wet cunt.

“fuck. i. got. you. babygirl,” he whispered through grunts, attempting to give your lips little pecks although his deep and rough thrusts offset them a bit. “can you cum once more for me?” he panted out, eyes scanning over your fucked out, dumb expression.

“if you cum in me,” you compromised, drawing a dark change in his eyes from him as he nodded.

“anything you want, tiny,” the two of you fell into relative silence aside from your whines and moans mixing with his grunts and the wet sound of his cock fucking so deeply your cunt. he licked his pretty fingers before reaching down to spread your lips open and found your swollen clit, brushing against your bud softly as he knew how sensitive it would be and it felt like someone was shooting electricity down your nerves.

he continued to fuck you until you reached your last high, thighs clamping and trembling around his waist and your hand ripping his away from your throbbing clit. with a handful of powerful, deep thrusts, ropes of his thick cum were filling you up, and a long drawn-out groan came from his sweet lips.

the both of you were still for a minute, just sharing a moment to take a few deep breaths as his cock softened inside you before he pulled out, making you gasp from the realization of how spent your hole was. his cum leaked out of you, dripping down onto his blue comforter. he sighed, before catching it with his fingers. he brought his wet and soiled fingers to your lips, and you eagerly took them into your mouth with a small whimper; the bitter flavor of his cum spreading over your tongue.

watching yunho sink his exhausted body down to force your thighs apart wasn’t an uncommon occurrence when the two of you were done. you were tired but you sighed, letting your eyes gently shut as his tongue slid between your folds to catch the mixture of both of your cum thats leaking out of you profusely at this rate, while being gentle enough to not even brush against your clit anymore tonight.

“i love you,” yunho pets your head, fingers combing gently through your hair, “so good for me.”

“i love you, yuyu,” you hum. you don’t think you’re ever smoking with any of your friends present ever again.

[carrottuan93]

Haven't met you yet | Mark

Masterlist (2/4) | part1 - part3 - part4

Starring: MK x You

Tags: Mark Tuan, Fluff, Destiny, Waiting, Christmas, Bookworm, Nerd, Love, Fate

Total WC: 1420

You felt an agonizing level of pain hitting your head the moment you open your eyes to the sound of some lowkey hip-hop playlist in the background that you know nothing about. You don’t remember setting up your spotify on loop for the rest of the night but still you find the music suit for your taste despite hearing it for the first time. You shuffled on your bed, uneasy with the throbbing sensation of your cranium being drilled in the process. You sat down on your spot and were greeted by a glass of water and aspirin purposely located on a nearby table to tend on your painful hangover. Your eyebrows creased in confusion as you roam your eyes around the unfamiliar black and white interior of the room. Eyes squinting, you placed the partially emptied glass on the table after drinking the medicine and still you’re in no better means of explaining as to why you’re feeling weird today. You give your head a slight massage and a few taps on your cheek as you gather your composure. You noticed that you slept on your black above the knee dress and must have forgotten to switch into your pajamas last night, which explains you still have your coat intact when you went home but it is missing already by the time you woke up. Where could it be? You shuffled at the edge of the bed and slumped on the ground looking for your stilettos when you came across the sight of a shoe cabinet filled with converse sneakers aligned in pairs as well as an open dresser filled with different varieties of hoodies and men clothing that are too foreign to be included in your own cabinet.

 “Shit!" reality hit you like a thunderbolt in a desert void of air, cutting all possible passageways for blood to flow freely on your circulation as if you became anemic at one point in your life. The lucid interval took effect when sobriety woke your being upon hearing the sound of someone using the shower and the smell of fresh shave accumulating on the slightly opened bathroom door. You gulped as you start to look for your sanity being thrown away on the windowsill and you're mentally preparing to jump outside as well because you still have no clue on how you ended up in a different room. What have you done for Good lord's sake?

 ----

 You glanced on your phone whilst taking your 3rd cup of coffee for the day. 10 minutes before 5pm, you read as it flashed on your screen. You haven't eaten any decent meal ever since you left the stranger's room in a hurry this morning. Fearing that you'll be seen by the guy in the shower, you escaped in the flash of a lightning. To make your day even worse, you cannot find your stilettos underneath his bed and you even grabbed the wrong coat on your way out. Worry haunted you like a madman after discovering that you accidentally went to room 1207 across your unit 1212. You're mentally skinning yourself alive by breaking into the lion's den without even knowing whom did you spend the night with. Your best friend sent you tons of messages asking for specific details because you’ve been sending her cryptic texts about your situation. You weren’t thinking straight and the bile in your stomach is rising up like it’s about to explode any minute now. But you can’t escape your work with your current dilemma that’s why you need to stay sane until you meet with Eunhee tonight.

 "Ms. Y/n, thank you for submitting the report on time even on a holiday. I know it must be troublesome for you to go here while you're in the middle of your Christmas spirit but we’d like to fully adhere to our schedule on time before new year. Mr. Raymond is an important client, so we need to make sure that we're being transparent at all costs.” After a meaty discussion with your senior, you gladly took a breather when your meeting adjourned. You’re an accountant and being part of an accounting firm surely entails hours and hours of long work leaving you with no time at all for yourself. It’s a busy season as usual but you won’t miss out the holidays for your busy roll. You’d like to check your schedule on your planner but to no avail, you misplaced it last night. Since you’re carrying it wherever you go, you’re 101% sure that you left it on the unit across your place along with your other stuff. You haven’t had the opportunity to claim your things this morning due to the embarrassment crisis that is weighing down on your shoulder. Your current work engagement with this particular client is a big deal for you, so you chose to save your ass from being reprimanded by your boss and being late to work. Maybe your best friend can think clearly than your wasted self. ‘Just kill me already’ is all you can tell your poor being. You heard your phone rang all of a sudden and Eunhee’s name flashed on the screen.

 “Girl, where the hell are you?” You must be zoning out. You reached the brink of your anxiety when the clock’s hand struck to eight, wondering how come 3 hrs has already passed with you just sitting on your cubicle.

 “Eunhee, I’ve been through a tough day and I don’t know how to explain my current situation but I’ll be there in a second I promise.” And the Amazing Race Christmas edition has begun. Dressed on your black turtleneck blouse tucked in your skinny jeans, you complete your party outfit with a stylish beanie to match with your caramel trench coat so as not to look underprepared for the occasion. You then rushed through the nearest macaron store to grab your order and have decided that you just finish doing your makeup inside the uber to maximize your time. Geez, it’s freezing cold outside and the streets are filled with lovebirds which only made your stomach turn into a sour milk. You’re famished by the time you arrived at the address Eunhee sent you and you were welcomed with her bright smile and her expression demanding for an explanation.

 “I know that look on your eyes Eunhee but feed me first before I prepare for my death bed.” You hugged her so tight like your world depended on her. She dragged you inside the house which you believe to be Jackson’s place. You didn’t think of Jackson as some kind of a party jock but sure this guy knows how to throw a proper party for a group. His house is warm and inviting, you gotta commend his taste for classical music filling the air but he’s nowhere to be found. You’re slowly getting into the holiday mood, with a few acquaintances that you meet along the hallways and a feast filled with nothing but sweet treats, you began to think if you went to a gingerbread house instead of an adult’s party.

 “Before everything else, where are the drinks?” You need a booze so you can open up easily to Eunhee but she ordered you to pick a paper inside the bowl in return.

“Calm down, Jackson’s little cousins from the US are coming as well so you won’t be expecting to see liquor at this early hour. We serve the kiddie treats first and we move on to a full-grown up party in the midnight but you gotta choose your secret Santa first.” You gave her an inquisitive look and wonder what secret Santa is she talking about? You picked a random green paper.

 “Wait, what’s with the secret Santa thing?”

“Everyone is required to bring a gift for someone else”

“I wasn’t informed? You didn’t tell me!” Maybe today’s series of panic attacks aren’t enough for your breakdown but here’s the cherry to the cake.

 “Oh my god, Y/n.” Eunhee gasped in shock just in time when Jackson entered the living room in his bright holiday spirit.

“Hey Y/n. Looking good tonight, huh? You like my place?” He went over to Eunhee and gave her a quick kiss on her cheek.

“My first time going to your place feels like home, Jackson.” You smiled at him and you could tell he came with a company.

“That’s nice to hear. But girls, I want you to meet my cousin from LA, Mark.”

[theliterarywolf]

I smell a story with the ruined trip

I could have sworn I spoke about it on here before... Then again, I do have more followers since then.

Basically it was going to be my second time at Anime Expo. I had been doing everything in my power to convince my mother that I was responsible enough to go on that long of a trip that I was mostly in charge of (she was and still is on the overprotective side). My former acquaintance (I thought she was a friend, turns out... No) was excited to go to and she insisted that she had all her travel plans together and that her parents were going to be able to drive us to the place I had found for us to stay in LA during the trip. 

Everything was fine. 

... Things did not stay fine, though.

However... My acquaintance’s father, around this time, had been diagnosed with cancer and had had some of it removed as well as going through chemo. With this in mind, I asked my friend ‘Do you still want to go on this trip? I can understand if you want to stay home with your parents and your mind may be on what your father is going through.’ 

My acquaintance insisted ‘yeah, it’s fine!’ and her mother even insisted that it would be good for her to go on the trip to get her mind off of things. 

However, it also came up that my acquaintance had had to refund her pass to have some money in the house. But, seeing that she was going through a tough time, I mentioned to her and her mother that maybe I could help out with buying her another pass. My mom gave me hell for this, but I wanted to be a good friend during a trying time. 

So the day of the drive to LA arrives. My mother had also helped me to get a cooler so we could take food and not have to use what little money I had on food. And my acquaintance even said she and her mother would take care of food since they had a Costco membership and stuff (to kind of offset me buying the pass for her). I show up to my acquaintance’s house, get everything settled... 

Brief note: I’m allergic to pork (non-avoidable) and I don’t like peanut butter in ice cream (not a health-issue but just an annoyance). 

My acquaintance had bought a bunch of food with pork in it and had bought ice cream with peanut butter in it.

I was... annoyed, especially since now I had to worry about food on an already tight budget, but my friend was going through something major so I didn’t want to make a thing of it. 

So we drive out to LA, arriving at high noon... on Day 0. Now, surely the internet has been filled with growing accounts of the misery that is Day 0 at Anime Expo. So, seeing how hot it is, I try to say ‘let’s go drop things off at my Uncle-in-Law’s house -- where we were staying. Also, ‘Uncle-in-Law’; his brother in Nigeria married one of my aunts and was such a miserable bastard that no one really cared when he got poisoned and died. Moving on --

But my acquaintance insisted that we should go get our badges right then and there and that her parents could find somewhere to stay while we were in line. 

But, again, this was Day 0 at Anime Expo in Los Angeles. Summer in Los Angeles, hell, in any part of Southern California is HELL. And my acquaintance’s father was going through cancer. But her mom agreed, just to appease her daughter, and we went through the 3-hour long line until we got our badges and called her parents to get us and take us to my Uncle-in-Law’s. Her father was noticeably not doing alright after sitting for hours in the SoCal heat, but my acquaintance and her mother were insisting that everything was fine. 

So we unpacked everything, said goodbye to her parents, and we got settled. Around 9 or 10 (I said we should head to bed earlier so my Uncle-in-Law could drive us to the convention center to get a good spot in line, in addition to having time to get our cosplay ready), my friend gets a call from her mother and then she, in a panic, relays to me that ‘oh, when her father got home he was feeling really winded and weak; and she’s so worried; and she’s not sure if she’s going to be able to sleep’

I was getting uneasy too (though I was thinking ‘this is why you shouldn’t have forced your parents to stay out in the heat for God knows how long), but I did offer: ‘Do you need us to go home? Maybe I could ask my Uncle-in-Law to drive us back tonight since he won’t be available after tomorrow morning’

But she said no... All while constantly stressing out and worrying back and forth about ‘maybe I should go home/no, I want to stay/I should go home/no, I want to have fun’. So that went on all night and then the next morning arrived. We got dressed, were driven to the convention center... And my friend continued on with her back-and-forth worry/ecstatic/worry. Now I was getting annoyed because I had given her an opportunity for us to go home when we had the opportunity to but now we were pretty much stuck and she was starting to cry about how now she wanted to go home to be with her parents. Not to mention the whole ‘I bought two four-day passes and we’re barely only going to be able to stay for one day’, but that was aside from the point. 

... But then she doubles back to her ‘I want to have fun’ state and even insists that we split up since our interests in anime were splintering at that point. So I had gone and actually found some Hetalia fans and cosplayers (I was cosplaying as Russia that year), made con-friends with a chick cosplaying as Cuba, saw a journalist who was bewildered at all the flags and historical uniforms and Soviet Russia cosplayers chanting ‘Soviet Takeover!’

However, after a few hours I had to hunt her down because something had me worried and, lo’ and behold, she had found two of our mutual friends who had decided to swing by the expo and was bemoaning about wanting to go home. So I was getting frustrated but I had to start making calls. Luckily, another one of our friend-of-a-friend’s was in the area and he had a truck and he said he could take us back home in a few hours from then. So, again, more frustration at our trip being cut short but at least I could get her home to her parents. So the final activity I was able to squeeze in was a panel on the history of Prussia being handled by an actual history professor who was so happy that something like Hetalia had come along to get people interested in one of his favorite historical nations to talk about. Even my Cuba-cosplayer friend happened to be in there and had saved me a seat. The panel was really entertaining, really informative... Kind of soured when my acquaintance and two of our mutual friends peeked in and one of them jeered ‘what the fuck, I thought this was supposed to be about anime?!’

So, the panel ended, we swung by the artist alley for a bit so she could get a picture with Vic Mignogna and then we had to go to a Subway to meet up with the mutual friend who was going to give us a ride. 

We had to pay him, too. That was great. So after begging my Uncle-in-Law to come back from his trip early, we got our stuff and drove back home. We dropped my acquaintance off first so she could check in on her father and when I was helping her get her stuff to her door, her mom opened the door and I asked ‘how’s Mr. Acquaintance’s Dad doing? She was really worried about him?’ 

... And her mom just piped up and said ‘Oh, he’s fine. He went to Home Depot a few minutes ago to pick up some tools and stuff. He’ll be back in a bit. Wait, did you drive all the way back here? Why didn’t you just call?’ 

So. Yeah. That was my last trip to AX: a clusterfuck of unneeded anxiety and wasted money and a bunch of ‘I told you not to go on this trip with that girl’ from my mother. 

But, it needs to be said and acknowledged, that I gave my acquaintance SO! MANY! OUTS! But, nope! She just decided to stress me out instead on top of everything else! 

So, yes, that was the story of my ruined trip.

[rureikia]

Chapter 4

[Previous] [Contents] [Soon...]

The start of high school was a very crucial milestone for me. Because not only did I have a crush on Kita, but I also got accepted to go to the same school like him too. 

Inarizaki High.

When I saw the magical letter of confirmation, my heart blossomed by a large magnitude.

I was so agitated with the thought of having three more years with Kita Shinsuke I thought I was beginning to see stars... I mean, for a young girl whose heart was fully set in stone for a celestial being like him, how could you not be awfully excited? It meant three more years of opportunities that I'd definitely not let go to waste, three more years of seeing his face! All the scenarios occurring in my head, in hopes that one day, these would come true...

I specifically remember on the day the letter arrived on how I was sprinting around the house to show mom and dad.

At the time, my parents didn't know why I was that happy over getting accepted since I used to be pretty distasteful about studying. But they quickly shifted it aside and congratulated me nevertheless.

It was like the scream painting. I can still draw out their faces in my head. Mom and dad were startled as they never expected me to have gotten into one of the top high schools in the prefecture — they ended up jumping along with me regardless of their previous doubts!

So on the first day of school, I marched out of my house in my new uniform, and a satisfied grin widely spread across my face.

The basic philosophy was to try and pass all exams, but the true aim for me was to find Kita Shinsuke, then ultimately confess to him. Next, he'd accept my confession and we would date, he then proposes, we get married, start a family ehehehe... Ah, I mustn't carry on or else I'll get too thoughtful...

But I was really excited (excitement lasted one-week maximum). I wanted to get to school pronto and see all the new people that would be circling me all through the next years. And so my determination was at its top game by then.

Whilst dusting my skirt and straightening it out, I closed my front door, but kept hold of my door handle to wait.

After a minute or two, from the opposite side of my street, I also heard someone else's door open.

I let go of my door handle, appearing as if I just came out of my house too.

In an instant, I knew who it was, hence why I gasped apprehensively to myself and thrashed around to look, "Ah, Kita!! Good morning!"

He sees me, adjusts his bag strap, and walks away without considering my call.

"Kita!" I called out again, assuming he didn't hear me the first time, "Wait for me!"

I was nearly about to run and go get him because he was already walking from a significant reach away. But just then, my mother abruptly forced the front door open with an annoyed scowl face before I had even managed to escape.

"(Y/N)! Why are you yelling so much in the morning? You sound like a stupid person, the neighbors will complain because of your loud mouth!" Her hands were on her hips, and she spoke to me in much vex.

I flashed a swift glimpse at Kita. 

Okay. He wasn't waiting for me.

Mom was still in the middle of scolding me, and I got impatient as she was suddenly like an obstacle I needed to overcome for me to catch up with fast-feet Kita Shinsuke.

"Yeah, yeah I'm in a hurry. Mom, let's talk later okay?" I replied in slight rashness.

"Excuse me? Why are you acting like that? If you are in such a hurry why are you still here? I don't understand!!" Mom grabbed my hand, throwing down 600 yen for lunch then shoved me away, "You forgot this too. Gosh... Who is this hopeless girl? I don't know her. Just leave now!"

Why must this old lady insult me so incredibly fast?

I halted to stare at the money in my palm and solemnly glanced back at her, "Wait, mom... This might not be enough for lunch..." I whined.

"Yes it is. Lunch is cheap there." She smacks my shoulder and I made another whine a tad louder at the impact, "Tsk, (Y/N) don't complain anymore. Just be grateful, have a good day, and go."

My shoulders grieved a bit but I went along with it, "OK thanks...Bye-bye..."

As soon as she closed the door on me, I left.

I tried my best to catch up with Kita who was walking by himself in the distance. And after seeing him in the same uniform as me, once again, I was unbearably excited to go approach him.

This was a period of time where I'd constantly be a hindrance to Kita. However, I didn't really take this into account until much much later.

Since I took interest in him during second-year middle school, that interest only developed from thereon. By the time it was third-year middle school, I full-blown liked him. And then at first-year high-school, it developed into something called puppy love.

Kita, he was rather laid-back about it. He didn't tell me to go away nor to stop talking to him — rather he would just let me do whatever whilst throwing cold logic at me whenever he feels the need to.

Well, I say that he's rather laid-back but in actuality, he'd try and evade me at times by ignoring the things I'd do. I was still childish and quite gullible, so I simply assumed he was bluffing to push me away and to hide his genuine feelings.

With that in mind, I remembered how back then I was wholly convinced that I could win him over in a jiffy. And this was entirely due to my mind being intoxicated from those all dramas, shoujo mangas, and anime's I watched in the past. Subsequently, I thought I owned a special power like no other, which was the power of love and commitment.

15-year-old me seriously believed that she would be able to do anything with the power of love deeply engraved in her soul. I basically believed I was the next generation's Sailor Moon...

For me to express my loyalty towards Kita, I revised everything needed for that entrance exam with extra diligence. And that was more than enough proof to show that the power of love really does work miracles. After all, because of my power, I was wearing the school's crest embedded on my blazer, the same one as whom I strived for.

"Kita good morning, hhh." I greeted breathily, speed-walking next to him.

He nods a response, "Morning."

I straightened my posture and smiled awkwardly at him by accident. Then I tried to strike up a conversation which was probably also accidentally awkward, "Kita don't you think this is such a coincidence? We will be going to the same school again this year. It's uh — it's a perfect match isn't it?"

He carries on walking forwards, without looking at me. "The entry requirements for Inarizaki must have lowered this year if that's the case."

I didn't know at the time, but this guy was totally degrading me here.

"Oh yes, that has happened. By a couple of points, it has lowered actually." I addressed with formality in my speech like some intellectual, "That means the God of fortune must be by my side, don't you think?"

Kita didn't reply and we walked in silence for a couple more seconds.

.......

"Uh......... Kita!" I called out.

The suddenness finally resulted in him shifting his head a little to peer at me.

"Kita, wait for a second." 

Kita listened for once, stopping in his tracks, glancing back at me.

When we were teenagers, he would experience my resilient pestering daily. This was additionally a section of life where relationships and emotions are new to everyone, especially for kids that were around that age — high-schoolers.

I can distinctly pick out the uncountable amounts of times where I'd loiter outside my house early in the morning just before he comes out. And when I hear his door open from across the street I would act as if I just came out too — "Kita, you just got ready now? Oh, what a coincidence, so have I."

There's also the case that would happen in school. I'd pack up all my belongings and shove it in my bag before the teacher dismissed the class. This was so I could have enough time to leave and walk home with Kita, "Another coincidence! I'm going to leave school too!"

"..." Eventually, I took a deep breath and gripped onto my bag straps that were wrapped around my shoulders tightly, building up the fury in my chest. Then studying around carefully I made sure no one was present before I took a few side-steps closer to him.

I don't know why I was such a shameless little girl back then. I have to admit that it's not very good to reminisce about my past, it hurts my dignity a lot.

But with the expression as if I was going to complete a huge quest, I confessed to him.

"I like you," I said.

Kita stared at me blankly for a second, then furrowed his eyebrows and told me, "I don't."

"..."

With that, my life advice is: do not read too much manga.

After the rejection, he blatantly left it at that and continued walking to school as if he forgot about it. I, on the other hand, felt extremely embarrassed and tried to think of what to do. My rational decision was to run off towards a different path like a coward.

Just as I was about to bolt, I nervously called out to Kita for the last time that morning, "I-I guess I'll see you later okay Kita?!"

He didn't acknowledge it since he didn't look back, but neither did I. And so we both departed ways.

Obviously, me being older now, I understand how I was unmistakably not as discreet as I presumed to be. I have been told by many friends that even an elephant wearing a shocking pink dress can do a better job at being discreet than me.

So I know now. Teenage Kita already could tell that I liked him for a very long time even before that terrible confession of mine. But oddly, he chose to not bother spilling to others regarding it, I still don't know to this day why.

As a child I was impatient, that's why I chose to confess on the actual first day of high-school. And that impatience lingered on for a while. I'm sure that this flaw caused me to be a nuisance to Kita Shinsuke; so he probably disliked that part, which is another thing I didn't think about until much later.

Later on, when I arrived at school, I experienced the worst sort of depressiveness where I felt my whole environment turn into a darkening abyss.

Outside the 1st year hallways, I examined the posters where it would tell us what class we would be assigned in.

KITA SHINSUKE: CLASS 7

Okay, that's very good!

(L/N) (Y/N): CLASS 2

That... I hate...

And so I dragged myself to Class 2 where a certain someone saw my dismal brooding.

"(L/N) why do you look like that? You look so miserable on your first day already?!" An enthusiastic voice called me out.

I gloomily averted my gaze up. It was my old friend, Taro.

Taro also went to the same middle school as me. And we became friends over the liking towards graphic novels — it was actually because of that interest of his, he wasn't very popular with the girls haha.

"...I'm not sad. I'm devastated." I sighed out in a daze.

He was eating bread, and talked with food still in his mouth, "Why?"

"Because I was put in a different class to what I think I really deserve. Don't you think the class rank system is a bit unfair?"

Taro snorted contemptuously and shook his head at my idea, "No not at all, you just want to be in the same class as Kita."

"Not so," I argued.

"Is so." He argued back with his head held higher, "(L/N), I don't know why you think this is unfair, you very much deserve it."

I glared at him in disapproval.

Then he proceeds, using the bread in his hand to gesture at me, "Whilst Kita has an IQ of at least 200, yours is way below in the negatives. So you're incredibly lucky that you weren't put in your true class. Class zero."

"Huh...? Class zero doesn't exist... What are you even saying?"

"You get to be in the same class as this intelligent guy instead!" Taro uses a spare hand to pat his chest, "Isn't that great (L/N)?!"

My face rapidly scrunched up in displeasure at those words and actions, "Uwah... Calling yourself intelligent. If you think that I have an IQ below the negatives, you will be the same as me since we're in the same class. Who do you think you are?"

"I am someone that at least has enough common sense to find someone not way out of my league, that's who I think I am."

I briefly grinned at him in annoyance and retaliated with a reply, "Go back to sit on your seat, leave me alone now."

He stifled a quiet laugh and did what I said with an effortless shrug.

I wasn't expecting to be put in class 2 to be honest. I would never expect myself in class 7 either. But I just wanted to be in the same class as Kita in hopes that we'd be deskmates for the following three years.

But as shown, that never happened.

Instead, I had to rely on my individual skills to be around him as much as I could.

I went straight to bed after last night and woke up with the worst possible headache that one could imagine. The headache was so bad in fact that I was concerned whether I had a type of brain disease and wasn't going to survive.

And the throbbing pain only attacked me once I groggily opened my eyes to see the sunshine which wasn't a good idea since I felt dizzy. So I had to cover my face with my duvets to stop any more light from stinging me.

I'm currently in pain right now, but I was quite okay when I was asleep and felt nothing. In fact, I underwent a type of sleep that was so deep, it confused my dreams towards real-life circumstances, making me rather delirious.

I opened my eyes again, reluctantly tossing around to squint at the ceiling fan, and tried hard to recall what happened yesterday.

From what I can accurately remember... I went to a goukon with Sumiko, I met some new people, I ate at least twenty dishes, I drank, I saw a handsome worker, I saw Kita with that handsome worker, I got frightened and quickly hid outside, but suddenly he was outside too(?!?!) so I was forced to talk with him for a minute before I went back inside, I drank some more and incidentally got drunk, I then remembered that he took me home because of how drunk I was......... And then, we kissed.

Oh yes, we k-i-s-s-e-d. Me and my ex-boyfriend.

And I was thinking about the kiss so much apparently I was given a dream about it too.

It was a dream akin to where I was with Kita. An altered memory of that same kiss replaying over and over again for what felt like hours on end. In that dream, we may have used a bit too much mouth work and tongue which isn't very good... Makes me feel quite abashed... Then I woke up with my cheek muscles feeling sore which additionally, isn't very good.

I rubbed my eyes sluggishly when lifting my torso from my bed to regain proper consciousness. I noticed was still wearing my work attire from yesterday, except I looked tenfold scruffier.

Did I fight someone while I was in the zone? Honestly, I'm so tired I didn't care about the context. So I'll just go back to sleep...

...Well, that's what I wanted until I heard a voice sing to me inside my head.

"If you remember... Call me."

"you remember... Call me."

"remember... Call me."

"Call me."

(GASP)

As expected from an unintentional flirt like Kita, his words woke me up.

I frantically attempted to roll out of bed but ended up falling flat on my back with a loud, painful thump. At the impact, I groaned, staggering to my feet and grabbing my phone that was on the top of my neatly folded work blazer by my chair.

Once I accomplished to scamper around like a bug, I turned it on to scroll to Kita's contact information and stared intensely at his name.

Me: "..."

No, I couldn't do it. I clicked on my friend Taro's contact information instead to procrastinate. And to my surprise, he picked up abnormally fast.

......

"Hello, good morning~!" Taro said in English appearing a bit too happy for my liking.

"Hey, it's me..." my hoarse morning voice croaked with a tired sigh at the end.

"Oh... Jesus Christ. That doesn't sound too good... What is it (L/N)? You sound a little dead." He said, "Did something happen last night?"

I nodded my head vigorously as if he could see me, but regretted when it made me feel woozy. "Yeah kinda... — wait, how did you know that something was going on last night?"

"Instagram aha. Well, Sumiko mainly."

"Eh...? Sumiko? Something must've happened with you two then." I scoffed, "Okay, tell me yours first. Go on."

"Alright, I'll be brief 'cuz I want to hear your story. But to summarise, Sumiko-chan broke up with me and she wanted to prove that she can find someone very quickly." He begins to explain, "I then checked Instagram last night to see some of the posts from the goukon you two were at."

Ah, their romance is a little confusing I should mention. This is probably the fourth time they "broke-up" this month.

To others, this might seem a bit neglective and unhealthy, but I know the most that these two care for each other strongly. Last night, I noticed that she didn't even bother flirting with any of the men. Instead, she talked with the women throughout the majority of the event.

I switched my phone from one ear to another, "So I've heard from herself that the two of you have broken up again. What's it this time? Did she get angry over something silly?" I asked, "Is that why she accepted the goukon invitation?"

"Pfft, obviously. Of course Sumiko got angry over something silly." He laughs, "But... She didn't run off like that to seriously break off with me. You know how she is. Sumiko just tried to prove me wrong in something because of how prideful she can be. Sometimes, she even has the same competitive energy as you."

I breathed out a chuckle, feeling a little more calmed down, "Impossible. I'm nothing like her when it comes to that sort of stuff. I'm not as confident."

"No way. I think you guys are definitely similar in that aspect. I've been with the two of you since high-school, I think I know the best." He affirms, and I shake my head at his claiming words, "Anyways, back to you. What's up (L/N)? Why'd you call?"

He reminded me why I wanted to call. And all of a sudden, I became remarkably hesitant. I was so hesitant actually I almost bit my tongue when opening my mouth to speak.

"Uh — Taro... You remember Kita, r-right?"

"Mhm, of course, yeah. Your ex-boyfriend, Mr. Perfect."

"Well... Me and Kita met last night..."

"Eh?! —" His tone jumps by four octaves in surprise, then deepens, "— Uh, Okay...?"

"And I wasn't really expecting him to be there..." I trailed.

Taro paused and inhaled sharply before filling words between our silent space, "(L/N), you're kind of scaring me now..."

Don't worry, I'm scaring myself too.

I swallowed the nervous saliva that built up as I struggled to speak, "And kinda...We maybe uh — kissed."

......

"WHAT?!" He loudly exclaimed. His side of the audio turned distorted and my eardrums burst.

"A-Ah yeah hahahaha..."

"LAST NIGHT?! Are you sure?! How come I didn't see him in any of the goukon posts though? Did Sumiko invite him purposely just to mess with you?! That's pure evil!! I'll scold her for you when she gets home... Wait unless... Are you guys back together then?! After three years, I thought you two would never be together ever again! But what the heck (L/N), you and Kita really kissed? What the actual fu-"

I can't do this anymore.

I hung up. His voice is quite annoying to listen to with a hangover like this. I'll let Taro try to figure out everything himself.

I scrolled through my contacts once more and attempted to call Sumiko but was immediately left on voicemail to my disappointment. So now, the only remaining person I wanted to call left was... Kita Shinsuke...

For some reason, when my finger hovered over his name it felt like I was being punished with the death penalty. And to make matters more nerve-wracking, once I clicked on his contact information, my hand was shaking whilst I raised my phone to my ear.

It took another couple of seconds, but his phone started ringing. Hearing the ring made me so scared to the point I shuddered and started pacing around my room.

......

Kita picked up and spoke first, "Hello?"

"Ah." I jolted.

Oh god, why did I make this phone call? I should have practiced what to say at the very least.

His voice stayed nonchalant, "(Y/N), what is it?"

Okay, I think I got something.

I stopped and took a whole two seconds to build up the confidence needed for the next thing I'm about to say.

Then, after a big breath, I began my rambling; "Okay Kita, listen here. I am very unhappy with you right now. You kissed me last night while I was drunk and you did it without my permission, it's not good to do that to someone in that state! Kita why? What on earth were you thinking?! Your actions were very wrong, and you need to think thoroughly about what you did, and you shouldn't do that to me again. In fact, you shouldn't do that to anyone!! Consent is very important to people, and if I was drunk you should haven't taken advantage! You're rather lucky that I am a nice person and that—"

He cuts me off, "(Y/N). Don't yell. I can hear you even if you speak normally."

I shut my mouth at his scold straight away and quietened by a significant volume, "Oh... Was I being too loud? Sorry about that... But still, you shouldn't interrupt so suddenly, I am trying to tell you something important..."

"You shouldn't be loud nonetheless, you'll feel light-headed if you have a hangover."

I was going to ramble again, but I had to stop myself when I sensed something peculiar in my environment.

Something wasn't right.

For a brief moment, I pressed my phone to my chest and silently glanced around as if trying to wait for an event to occur. When I became even more suspicious, I put my phone back to my ear, "Hold on, say something."

Kita, "Like what?"

I could hear two voices. Both unquestionably belonging to my ex-boyfriend. And to make matters worse, I also smelled something bad coming from outside my room. Hence why I hastily sped out of my room like a professional athlete.

The reason I could hear two different Kitas was because I saw him in my kitchen from the open living room. I panicked and ran straight there.

So it seemed that he really was in my apartment, therefore I wasn't experiencing complete hysteria. And he was also cooking something too (not a good sign), the phone still to his ear.

The only thing was, it smelled like pretty bad burning.

Fumes were coming out of my kitchen and I couldn't believe the fire alarm hadn't buzzed off violently by now.

I hurriedly ran inside my kitchen, my first animalistic instinct was to turn the stove off. My second animalistic instinct was to hold back this huge urge to do something to Kita. I really wanted to throw an object at him, maybe my cushion or my lamp because of what I had just witnessed.

For a man that is known to be good at everything, he doesn't seem to know a single damn thing about the kitchen, does he?

"Kita Shinsuke! What do you think you're doing?!" I exclaimed, taking the wok he grasped by the handle. I swear if I woke up any later my apartment would have fallen into a crisp.

He turned to look at me with the most innocent expression on his face, "You're up earlier than usual." He said, ignoring what he just did, "You used to sleep until 11 on weekends."

In return, I ignored his statement and stared at my precious wok, seeing charred eggs that were now an indescribable dark matter.

 I was using my index finger and thumb to carefully take it off, but it was stubbornly stuck to the material... It wasn't glamorous at all.

Ahhhhhhhhhhh, this guy forgot to put oil and burned everything... Ahhhhhhhhhhh I'm going to have a mental breakdown now... My wok!!! He ruined this one-of-a-kind wok I ordered from Beijing!!

I crouched down and placed my wok on the kitchen's tiled floor. Then very aggressively, I was scratching the top of my head, showing my painful distress, "Kita, why did you try and make eggs without oil? I have taught you in the past that you must put oil when making stuff like this, did I not? And I don't understand why you're in my apartment either!"

"I couldn't find your oil, so I used water." He said with a perfectly straight face.

"..."

I opened my mouth to speak, then closed it since I had nothing to say. And at this moment I felt utterly incompetent. Hence why I was sitting down on my kitchen floor, wanting to collapse and go to sleep right on this spot.

I have come to understand that I cannot understand Kita Shinsuke.

He then continued, "Last night you told me that you didn't want me to leave. That's why I'm here."

I looked up at him with a frown, "No. You're lying."

"I'm not."

"How come I don't remember that and remember everything else?"

"Maybe you were drunk." Kita shrugs and cracks a teasingly small smile, "What do you remember then?"

That question was atrocious because I knew what he was hinting at. So I had to hold my voice down even though really wanted to wail aloud, "How... drunk was I?"

"Hm. Do you really not remember anything?" he asks, crouching down to pick up the messed up wok and rose back up.

I remembered the kiss, after that everything truly was a blur, I couldn't seem to recall anything. No matter how hard I try to think back, nothing comes into my mind. Therefore I needed to check myself again. 

What happened? Is there anything different about me?

I'm still wearing my work attire, however, the blazer I had on last night was not on me anymore, it's neatly folded on my chair, which Kita must have done. I'm not wearing my stockings either and my blouse was untucked too...

Oh.

That's when electricity struck me.

I stood up with great suspense, wrapping my arms around my torso protectively, "You... —You didn't do anything to me, did you? I remember this kiss, but you haven't done anything after, right...?"

Kita's brows pinch in irritation and he pushes my forehead back with his index finger where I made a sound of struggle at the action.

"(Y/N) are you dim? What is going inside that small brain of yours?"

"A-Ah! I'm just asking out of worry..." I said slouching back, finally relaxing a bit, "You don't have to speak to me like that..."

Kita puts the wok in my sink whilst I slumped, gave up, and decided to go to put some water in my kettle to make tea. When doing so, I asked him another question.

"Were you here all night then?"

"Yeah." He replied.

Why?

"You should have woken me up," I chided, "I had a spare futon you could have used."

He shook his head modestly, "Your couch is comfortable too, so I was okay."

"I see."

"But what about you, did you sleep fine?"

I took a mug out of my cupboard and exhaled a little, "I slept fine as well. My head kinda hurts, but there's medicine in the bathroom, so I'll leave to go take that and wash myself up soon."

"That's good."

There was a lot to process already, but I decided to push that away for now.

One of my main concerns however was what he said to me some moments ago.

Kita claims that I told him I didn't want him to leave, which is the reason why he stayed. And I began to question what I might have said to him exactly for him to do actually listen to that supposed request.

He was washing the wok he ruined as I was now heavily debating what to do by eyeing him every couple of seconds or so.

I felt quite conflicted. I hated to think about how Kita was utterly handsome during those stealthy glances I did.

His hair was messed up, his eyes were more doe than usual. He wasn't wearing his jacket or sweater from last night but was presently wearing his T-shirt and jeans... And we were both standing here. In my kitchen. Where I sensed no discomfort coming from his body language as mine was astonishingly rigid.

Still, despite my negative demeanor, I couldn't help but contemplate while making a cup of tea. This is where the inner-conflict comes into play. 

I didn't know whether to hug him from behind like what you'd see in the movies. Or maybe secretly stand up on my tiptoes and deliver him a kiss on the cheek, or carry on watching his concentrated side profile while crying really big, salty tears.

In the end, I just called out his name, "Kita. Your tea is here."

He didn't answer verbally, but nods.

I tapped Kita's shoulder this time, "It'll get cold, drink fast."

To that, he takes a short glimpse at me then goes back to washing my traditional Chinese wok, "I'll clean this up first. It won't take long."

Hmm, perhaps he feels bad for the mess he made and is trying to make up for it.

"Okay," I said, "If it gets cold, you can just reheat. I'm going to wash up now."

He nods again in reassurance, and I give him one last glance before getting out of the kitchen to grab stuff for the bathroom.

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[sacrifice-writes]

being home alone was a rare occurrence when you lived with two free lance animators, but thats the price you pay to live with your friends. although you did feel rather guilty that you thought of both of them in a way that was blatantly more than just friends. you couldn’t help your feelings. chris and zach were both very attractive and charming in their own ways. not that you would admit it to either of them. you we’re pretty sure zach’s ego was big enough as it is and chris was already awkward enough. that didn’t mean that you couldn’t think of them like that though. and being home alone meant you could think of them out loud if you wanted to. sure you could jack off at night, and you did, but having to be quiet sucked majorly. but now you had the house to yourself. zach was at some kind of meeting and chris was out with niall so you thought you definitely had time. you set yourself up nice and pretty on your bed and pulled you pants off letting your underwear come with. you let your hand fall between your legs and began prodding, getting to your clit and beginning to rub circles into you bud. letting out a sigh you picked up the pace. “mmm, fuck! zach!” you let the words fall out of your mouth. without thinking, you stuck the fingers of your opposing hand in your mouth and sucked, only removing them to moan more. “god, chris,” you continue on letting your mind wonder about both of them and the things you’d let your roommates do to you. “zach, chris, fuckkkkk!” it was too bad your own moans wouldn’t let you hear the door open. “jesus, chris, holy shit, zach fuck fuck” you just let yourself keep going. thunk. the noise startled you back to reality. quickly sitting up, the the thoughts of intruders and burglars run through your head until you make eye contact with zach. there your roommate stood in the doorway, with his mouth slightly agape and his phone on the ground. you felt relief wash over you only for a second before the weight of the situation crushed you like a soda can. zach’s eyes trailed over you and you could feel a blush ride up your neck to the tips of your ears. suddenly his surprised demeanor changed as he leaned himself against the doorframe.

“well don’t stop on my account,” he told you, smirk resting on his face. “i mean really this seemed to be about me anyways.” you stare at him in shock. you were mortified in embarrassment. this really couldn’t be happening could it? zach kept his place in the doorway staring you down.

“i- well- i-”

“that’s okay, just keep going then.”

your face may have already been flushed but you felt your cheeks burn hotter. you had no idea if this opportunity would present itself again, so with a small nod, and broke eye contact, and continued on with what you had been doing, only this time taking your fingers out of your mouth. even without looking, you could feel zach’s eyes watching your every move as you continued to work yourself.

“oh, what? just because i’m here you’re not gonna talk? come on, y/n, i heard you as soon as i walked in, ‘oh zach, oh chris’” the last part of his sentence was mocking, from his tone to his movements. somehow the embarrassment only made you wetter. you looked back at him, unsure what to do, what to say. sure you’d thought of this countless times but when it got down to it, you were a mess. you let out a bit of a whimper hoping it would suffice, too embarrassed to actually say his name out loud while he was standing right in front of you.

“alright, fuck it,”

you looked back at zach to see him walking toward you unbuckling his belt as he went. “get on your hands and knees,”

you wasted no time getting in place as zach got on the bed behind you.

“head down,”

you obliged, letting your back arch as you placed your head on your arms in front of you. your ass was in full view of the man behind you as your mind raced with the fact this was actually happening. it was the sound of him rustling his jeans down and his hands on your waist that really brought you back. the feeling of him sliding his tip against your folds made you shiver.

“are you ready?”

you nodded maybe a bit too eagerly. zach pushed the tip of his member in and you let out an involuntary moan. god he had you worked up from so little. you heard him curse under his breath before he pushed himself more. fuck he felt good in you. you pushed back on him a bit hoping to push him deeper. you felt the grip on your hips tighten, stopping you from pushing any further.

zach grabbed you by your hair, pulling you up, “you’re not in charge here, sweetheart,” he told you, his breath hitting your ear, sending chills up your spine.

“yes, sir.” the words came out of your mouth almost instinctively and he chuckled.

“good girl,” zach pushed himself into you, starting to set a pace, quickly turning you into a moaning mess.

“holy shit”

you look up wide eyed. this really could not be happening. chris stood in the doorway, staring at the sight of zach bent over you.

“so you just gonna stand there and enjoy the show or are you gonna join?”

“zach??” you couldn’t believe the words that just came out of his mouth. he couldn’t be serious.

“you know you want that, y/n. don’t act like i didn’t catch you with your hand down your pants moaning for both of us,” you looked down, face flushing again. “come on, y/n, tell chris. don’t leave out how you were sucking on your fingers. wasn’t that a cute little show.”

you looked back up at chris and nodded. there was no sense in denying it, especially n your position.

“dude, i don’t kn-”

“c’mon chris, your basically busting out of your jeans,”

zach was right. chris’s boner was pressing against his jeans hard. “fuck, dude,” chris mumbled as he walked to the bed. kneeling right in front of your face, he looked down on you. his cheeks were just as red as yours were, his eyes saying he was unsure if this was okay. you gave him a nod and you watched all the nerves run from his face. he made quick work of pulling his pants down and his underwear along with them, letting his dick spring free from his pants. he pressed himself against your lips to which you happily opened your mouth for him. you let your tongue swirl around his tip, eliciting a moan from the irish man. you pulled off of him letting your tongue fall over your bottom lip as he slid himself into your mouth fully. he gave a few light thrusts, testing the waters before he got greedy. chris grabbed your hair and pushed you down on him, your nose almost touching his pelvis causing you to gag a bit, but it was nothing you couldn’t handle. he quickly set a pace and zach took this as a good time to start back up and thrust into hard, pushing you into another one of chris’s thrusts. you felt tears welling in your eyes from how good it felt to have zach fucking you and having chris’s cock down your throat.

“you’re such a good girl, y/n,” zach told you as he slapped your ass. the contact made you yelp onto chris and you felt his grip in your hair tighten. “don’t you think so, chris?”

“fuck, y/n, you look so pretty with my dick down your throat, feels so good,” chris tells between breaths.

you moan at the praises being thrown at you as revel in the ecstasy of the hard and fast pace they’ve set.

“i bet you love how it feels to let us fuck you like this, have your little fantasies come true, letting your friends fuck you.” zach told you, grabbing your hips harder.

“you’re a little brat for not telling us sooner, y/n.” chris continued off of zach, “we would’ve been more than happy to fuck your brains out like this.”

your head buzzed with their words as you felt that coil in your stomach tighten. you weren’t sure how much more you could handle. and you let out a pleading moan, muffled by chris.

“don’t you dare thinking about finishing until chris does.” zach’s words shocked you, only pushing you closer to the edge. he smacked your ass again as he continued, “you can hold out, i know you can. be a good little girl for us, y/n,”

chris must’ve been enjoying zach’s words too as his thrusts into your mouth became more erratic. you looked up at him to see his eyes screwed shut as he focused on how you felt around him.

“oh fuck, y/n, fuck, fuck, fuck,” without warning chris came down your throat, riding himself out, having you swallow. chris pulled himself out of you and threw himself onto the bed.

zach took chris moving off of you as an opportunity to push your head back down into the bed. you let yourself moan and make as much noise as you wanted now that your mouth wasn’t occupied.

“zach, please,” you pleaded to him and he kept thrusting into you hard and fast.

“please, what?” you felt his rhythm shift.

“please i need to cum so bad, please let me cum zach,” you whined. you couldn’t believe he was doing this when you could tell he was close too.

“you really wanna cum that bad, brat?”

“yes, zach, please!” you were basically screaming at this point

“cum,”

one word was your downfall as you finally got your release. tears welled in your eyes again and you felt them stream down your face. your legs shook as you felt bliss rip through your body. your rode through your orgasm as zach continued to thrust.

“shit, fuck! y/n!” he cried out as he finished in you and pulled out. you collapsed onto your stomach as zach fell back into the bed. you pushed yourself up and headed to the bathroom to clean yourself up. coming back you found neither of the boys had moved from their respective spots on the bed and you let out a little chuckle.

“and what’s so funny?” zach asked you with out looking up.

“nothing important,” you told as you plopped yourself between them. there was a silence for a while as the three of you lied there. you couldn’t tell if no one wanted to say anything or if you were all too tired so you left it alone. if the boys wanted to say something, they could.

“so are we gonna talk about what just happened?” chris finally broke the silence.

“no we’re gonna sleep.” zach was quick to reply, making you both laugh.

“i second that,” you said pulling up one of the blankets from your bed onto yourself. zach and chris made their way under it too.

“fine, but i’m not letting this one go.” chris added before turning over. you could get used to them both being here like this.

[breanime]

Judge of Character (Part Two)

Requested by @agentlingerie:  Prequel, sequel, billy's pov, any one or all of the above for "Judge of Character". Although you could write anything for any one of your fics and I'd read it

*gif not mine*

Billy didn’t like this. He was sitting across from an accountant with his arms crossed with you at his side. You were nodding along at what the accountant was saying eagerly, and even in his annoyance Billy had to admit you were too cute. You were trying to open a bakery—an idea that he loved—but you were adamant about doing it on your own. Billy, of course, as your boyfriend, was completely against you taking out a loan and wanted to finance your business himself, but you wouldn’t allow it. So now he found himself sitting beside you at a bank, listening to some scumbag try to woo you with low interest rates.

“I think we can definitely make your dream a reality, Ms. Y/L/N,” the account said with a smile, “Your credit is impeccable, you have experience and success in the field, and you have a good head on your shoulders. Let me just check something with my boss, and I’ll be right back,” he said, getting up and excusing himself.

You turned to Billy, eyes bright and excited, and he felt himself melt a little at the uncontained excitement in your eyes. “Oh my god,” you whispered, even though the two of you were now alone in the office, “It’s happening!”

Billy licked his lips, grabbing one of the papers off of the desk and checking the figures. He wanted to be happy for you—and in a way, he was—but this whole process just seemed so unnecessary to him. He was your boyfriend; it was his job and privilege to support and provide for you, but you just wouldn’t let him. Billy had no doubt in his mind that you would be successful, but the way these loans were set up, you’d be paying them off for years to come—and Billy had plans for your upcoming years, plans that involved commitment and vows and a ring… “I don’t know about this, babe,” he started.

“Hey,” you interrupted, frowning at him, “You said you’d be supportive.”

“I’m trying to be,” he said—ready and willing to have this argument again, “But I’m telling you, you don’t need to do this—”

“—Billy…”

“—if you would just let me help you—”

“—I’m not—”

“—we could do this on our own.”

“Billy,” you said slowly, “We’ve talked about this. I don’t want to take your money. You’re just here to make sure I’m not being swindled—and I’m not. This guy is being really helpful.”

“Yeah,” Billy said, definitely not sulking, “He’s helping you into 30 years of debt…”

You sighed. “That just comes with the business,” you reasoned.

“Not if you have a benefactor providing the start-up money,” he said back.

“You’re my boyfriend,” you reminded him, “not my benefactor…Though I am so good, you should pay me,” you grinned.

Billy couldn’t help but smile back. You really were. Fuck, he was so head-over-heels in love with you, it would be scary if it wasn’t so incredible. There wasn’t anything he wouldn’t do for you, and more importantly, he knew there wasn’t anything you couldn’t do. Still, he couldn’t accept the fact that your dream of owning your own bakery would be mulled down with debt and loans and banks when he could make it so much easier for you if only you would let him.

“Come on,” you said, nudging his shoulder with your own, “Use that slightly scary judgement of yours—do you get a bad feeling from this guy?” You asked, referring to the accountant.

Billy put the paper back on the desk. The numbers were—technically—accurate, and the accountant was on the up and up, but… He still didn’t like it. “I’m not sure yet,” he answered honestly.

You rolled your eyes, and Billy was sure he was about to get yet another one of your speeches about why you had to do this on your own, when the door opened, and the accountant walked in followed by his boss…

…your ex-boyfriend Aaron.

Your eyes widened, and Aaron sneered at the sight of you. Billy, however, just laughed—he fucking knew there was something off about this place.

“Take a break,” Aaron said to the accountant, not looking away from you, “I’ll take it from here.” The accountant looked unsure, but exited his own office, leaving the three of you.

“I thought I was reading this wrong,” Aaron said, sitting at the desk and gesturing towards you with a copy of your application paper, “But nope; here you are. Here you both are.”

“If you can’t be professional about this—” you started.

“No, no, I can,” he assured you, glancing over at Billy—who was still smirking. “I just…I knew I’d get this opportunity; I just didn’t know it’d be so soon.” He licked his lips. “I’ve always regretted how things ended between us, Y/N…”

“Oh, you mean when you tried to get in a pissing contest with me and she punched you in the face?” Billy supplied.

Aaron took a breath, his lips twitching downward before turning back to you. “I know you and I were meant to be together,” he said, ignoring Billy, “I know this…distraction that you have going on here with Russo is temporary, and that we’ll end up together.”

Billy wasn’t smiling anymore.

“I looked this over,” Aaron went on, “Your business plan. It’s great. You know, I think we could even get the deposit down 12%, and between you and me, we could trim these interest rates, too…”

Billy felt himself grow tense. Who the fuck was he to talk like this? Like he was your partner, the one who would help you achieve your dreams?

“… And you know what? I bet we could even add in another loan for some extra conditioning,” Aaron went on.

“Actually,” you said, standing up, “That won’t be necessary. This—like us dating—was a huge waste of my time, your time, and Billy’s time.” You gathered your papers, and Billy watched you in awe. “Billy and I are going to do this on our own, and in the sense of being professional, let me just say, your accountant is very nice and was really helpful, and you can go to hell.” Billy grinned, standing up beside you. “And also, just so you know, no matter how many loans you try to offer me or how low you can get the interest rates, you will never be enough for me. You’ll never be Billy Russo.” You grabbed Billy’s hand, ready to leave, but stopped before you got to the door. You turned back, and Billy did with you, smirking at the look on Aaron’s face—shocked and embarrassed. “I love him, and he loves me, and he fucks me so good that I forget anything else except how to say his name.” Your smile was sugary sweet. “Have a nice day and don’t ever come to my shop!”

And with that, you led Billy out.

“So,” he said, laughing, “We’re doing this?”

Your answering smile rivaled the sun. You leaned up and kissed him. “We’re doing this,” you said back, “Me and you.”

“Me and you,” he repeated, liking the sound of it.

Later, after your bakery’s 6-month anniversary where you were interviewed by the Times for their front-page success story, Billy walked into the kitchen to see you cutting out the picture from the paper. He stood behind you, arms around your hips, and grinned at the picture: you standing proud in front of the shop, holding a plate of your famous beignet’s with an arm wrapped around Billy, dressed in a suit and smiling down at you like you hung the sun.

“You know we already have three copies of this, right?” He asked, kissing you on the cheek. There was one at your house, one framed and lamented in his office, and a third one blown up to near poster size proudly displayed behind the counter of the bakery. You’d also sent one to your parents, and Billy knew for a fact that Frank, the sentimental fool, had a crumpled copy of the story in his apartment, and Curtis had one in his office as well. “What’re you doing with this one?”

“Being petty,” you hummed, folding it up and sliding it in an envelope, “I’m sending it to Aaron—personal delivery.”

“Babe…” He started.

“Not by me,” you clarified, turning and pecking him on the lips, “By my new froster.” The doorbell rang, and you and Billy turned at the same time towards the door. “Ah, there he is.”

Billy followed you, curious, to the door, watching as you opened it to reveal the accountant from before, the one who worked for Aaron. Billy smirked as you greeted him. Only you, only his girl, would poach Aaron’s best man and take him for herself. He watched you hand him the letter.

“I thought you could deliver this with your resignation letter,” you said cheerfully.

“Yeah, no problem,” he said, nodding eagerly, “And—thank you again for this opportunity. You have no idea how hard it was to work for that prick.”

Billy laughed, and you turned to him with a grin. “See,” you said, “you’re not the only one who’s a good judge of character.”

*******************************************************************************************

 Thanks for reading! Fun fact--the accountant may or may not have hidden a pile of human shit somewhere in Aaron’s office. I got this idea from an experience @banditthewriter had with a delusional ex, so thank you Bandit! Haha!

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[aire101]

Ferrum Intro

My brain absolutely, positively refuses to focus on romance atm, which means I have made no progress on my WIP and instead my brain ended up producing this concept which I will probably continue at least until I get it out of my system.  So here’s the beginning of a post-Endgame MCU/SAO Irondad fic that I went online to read, discovered it didn’t exist yet, and so could NOT GET OUT OF MY DAMN HEAD.

-------

It had been a long day.

Then again, every day seemed like a long one lately.

It had been a relatively beautiful November day for New York City, and with the approaching holidays Peter was starting to see the usual uptick in petty crime begin this season. Within his five hour patrol he had helped eight lost tourists, found one lost pet, caught two armed burglars and tied up a ridiculous number of petty thieves. Nothing too problematic, just another day in the life of our friendly neighborhood Spider-man.

Peter sat crouched on a roof looking over the newest Iron Man mural to pop up, this time right on the edge between Queens and Brooklyn. There were several around town already, but this one was especially heart-wrenching. Most were either of the armor mid-action or of Mr. Stark in his trademark press look. But this one was different in the best and worst way.

In this art, Mr. Stark was still in his armor, but the helmet was retracted, allowing the viewer to see the blood crusted on his face, the lines of worry even deeper than they were before everything had gone to hell. There weren’t many pictures of Mr. Stark from the five year period now known as the Blip, but in the ones there were Peter knew he had looked like this— tired and worn in a way Peter had never seen, but could well understand. All in all, it looked uncannily similar to the last time Peter had seen him. When—

Anyway—

And on the shoulders of this mural’s Tony Stark rested an enormous orb holding dozens of galaxies spiraling around a central point— a tiny arc reactor in the shape of a heart.

There was still a little while before he would be expected at Ned’s tonight, but the more he tried to convince himself to hit the streets again, the heavier his limbs felt.

He couldn’t do it. Not like this. Experience told him it was a recipe for disaster, likely to get himself or someone else badly hurt. Himself he could handle, someone else… his conscience couldn’t take another body added to its count right now. Besides, he had promised Ned he’d be there tonight.

Peter sighed and swung away from his rooftop perch to head back towards Ned’s, not sparing the art a backwards glance.

No matter how good it was, no reproduction could ever duplicate what he had lost.

----------

“Whoa, you’re early,” said Ned with a mild tone of shock. Which honestly… was probably fair. “I wasn’t expecting you for at least another thirty minutes.”

“Yeah, I decided to call it a night early. It was actually pretty quiet tonight anyway. Didn’t want to get too wrung out on the web considering we have plans tonight,” said Peter as he stepped into the Leeds’ apartment, slipping off his shoes and hanging his coat on the rack. “Where is everyone?”

“Dad has to work tonight, and mom and Angelica went to Laser Bounce earlier, but they should be back before too long. I stayed home to finish some stuff up before the launch tonight. Plus, I wasn’t sure when you’d be getting here, so…”

“Sorry, I should have messaged earlier.”

“You’re alright man. Like I said, I had some stuff to wrap up. I plan to be in-game as much as possible tomorrow,” said Ned as they moved into his bedroom.

“You sure you don’t mind me getting the first run tonight? They might have some secret opening event planned for the first few hours…” asked Peter.

“I am absolutely positive. I am going to have plenty of opportunities to lose unhealthy amounts of sleep to this game. Besides, between the two of us I think you need the break more than me.  On a related note— you look terrible man. Have you been sleeping at all?”

“I sleep,” said Peter defensively. “I don’t really need much though, you know?”

“Physically, sure. Mentally? You’re still just as human as the rest of us Peter. Have you talked to May about it? Or Happy?”

“Can we please drop this? It’s just been a long day, alright?”

“What happened? I thought you said it was mostly quiet?” asked Ned, confused.

“I meant it was quiet for New York, I was still busy pretty much all evening,” said Peter, falling backwards onto Ned’s bed.

Ned sat down at his computer, spinning around to face Peter. “Fine, but I’m definitely going to harass you later, and you better actually sleep after we trade off in a few hours. Anyway, I am SO PSYCHED or this! God I hope its worth all the hype.”

“I can’t imagine it being a flop. The tech behind it is revolutionary, and the head developer has been working on the game for like a decade,” said Peter, as he scrolled through the GameSpot special coverage from that day.

“Wasn’t SI contracted to consult on it, too?” asked Ned.

Peter felt his throat begin to constrict. The nails of his right hand bit into the flesh of his palm as he forced himself to take a slow breath—hold—and release…

“Yeah, Mr. Stark consulted on it himself. Some of the engineering on the headset is similar to the BARF technology. I think he might have worked on a couple system AI’s as well.”

“That is so cool man. So this is almost like his last tech contribution? Last gift to the world…”

“I doubt that. It was just a consult job, most of the work was done by Argus. Plus, Mr. Stark had years worth of projects and updates on file. We’ll probably see things he had a hand in being released for the next ten years at the least,” said Peter.

“Still pretty cool though,” said Ned with a shrug.

At that moment, Peter heard the sound of a key being inserted into the lock of the front door.

“Looks like they’re back,” he said, continuing to scroll, this time through discussions on Reddit.

“Have you had dinner yet? You know if you haven’t she’s going to force you to eat before you dive.”

“Nah, I didn’t get a chance to stop off earlier. What kind of leftovers do ya have?”

“I think there’s meatloaf and some chicken adobo left at the moment.”

“Yaaasss… Chicken adobo…”

Just then Ned’s bedroom door opened, and Mrs. Leeds poked her head in, a large smile on her face.

“Peter! I thought I saw your coat by the door! I’m glad you were able to make it tonight! Edward has been excited about the sleepover for weeks,” she said.

“Oh my god, mom! It’s not a sleepover! I doubt we’ll even sleep much!”

“Isn’t that what sleepovers are about?! You’re ridiculous… Anyway, have you eaten?” Mrs. Leeds asked, looking at Peter.

Peter had to bite back a smile, but shook his head.

“Hala ka, you’re going to waste away into dry bones! I don’t care how busy you are these days, you shouldn’t be skipping meals. You’ll blow away in a strong breeze. Come, I’ll heat something up. I know how bad you boys get about eating when its a normal game. A full immersion VR? You’ll forget you even have a real body that needs sustenance.”

“Yes, ma’am,” said Peter, dutifully following her into the kitchen.

“You are in luck. We have some leftover chicken adobo from last night. I know you like that recipe. Did May ever give it a go?”

Peter flashed back to the gloopy, slightly charred mess that was May’s attempt at cooking the dish. “Eh… Yeah but it wasn’t quite the same. Still needs a bit of work.”

“Huh,” Mrs. Leeds said, sounding confused.

“Peter!” shouted a voice from behind him.

“Hey Angie,” said Peter, before he felt arms wrap around him from behind in a bear hug.

His heart throbbed in his chest. His breath caught and wouldn’t come.

Thanos was coming for the gauntlet he couldn’t let him have it he had to run the aliens were grabbing him he had to—

“You never come around anymore! It’s been months—!”

“Stop that Angelica. It’s been a crazy year, and Peter stays very busy between school and an internship. Shouldn’t you be getting ready for bed? It’s already way passed bedtime.”

Angie rolled her eyes dramatically but stomped back off towards her room to do as she was asked.

“Sorry, dear. She just missed her big brothers, you know.”

Peter did his best to force out a grin, but he wasn’t sure just how well it came off because the next thing he knew Mrs. Leeds was giving him a tender kiss on the head and muttering about making some cups of cocoa.

It was moments like this that he truly felt the strange reality of the fact that he had lost five years of his life. On the surface level everything felt mostly the same— Aunt May along with the majority of his friends had also been snapped, as well as several of his teachers. But while they were gone, Ned’s little sister aged from an innocent five year old, to a ten year old girl who had grown in a world in more confusion, pain and desperation than Peter could really comprehend. Freshman he had helped tutor in school had graduated. Families he had known were irreparably torn apart, seemingly overnight.

It felt like while he was still the same, the rest of the world had tilted slight to the left, leaving him unbalanced and unsure where to step next. He’d always felt a bit out of place anyway after the spider bite, but now it was so much worse. Sometimes Peter wanted a taste of what normal used to be like, without freaky spider powers, world protecting responsibilities and the guilt of looking around him and wondering if he deserved to be here at all.

He glanced at the clock that hung on the wall— fifteen minutes till midnight.

“I should probably go brush my teeth too and get settled in. The server will open soon,” said Peter as he stood.

“Yeah, though there shouldn’t really be much to do other than to actually connect since we calibrated your account the other day,” said Ned.

Within ten minutes Peter had taken care of his nightly necessities and given Angie and Mrs. Leeds both a hug goodnight, settling in on the upper bunk of Ned’s bed.

“Last time I’m asking— are you sure you don’t mind me giving this the first run?” asked Peter.

Ned sighed and spun around from his computer to send Peter an exasperated look. “Do you not want to take it on its maiden voyage?”

“That’s not what I said,” Peter rolled his eyes.

“Then stop worrying.  Just have a good time for once.  Also, I downloaded a couple files to the gear.  Not sure how reliable it is yet, but a few beta testers put out some first floor tips on the DL as a downloadable in game file, so check that out once you dive.  It might help out a bit.”

“Will do.  Thanks.”

“No problem.  Now get going, and be sure to take plenty of notes in your journal to send me later.”

“See you around, kid.”

“I am older than you are by two months.  Shut up and dive, loser.”

Peter smiled as he fitted the Nervegear onto his head, laid back and said, “Link Start.”

———————

In a remote, nondescript server room a certain file kicked to life.  It’s programming had been remotely accessed, a mere accident of oversight.  The digital pathways that connected it to the Argus servers, while known about, had been forgotten in the chaos of the last few years.  The file was not one created within the system, but one created to interact within it.  The Cardinal system downloaded the precious data, implementing it in the category that best described its form and function.

Program designation: Client

System ID: Ferrum Vir

Administration level: GM

. . . .

Installation Complete

————————

At 12:00 am EST on November 5th, 2023 (1:00 pm JST), Peter Parker joined 10,000 others in the world’s first full dive MMORPG— Sword Art Online.

And so did a very confused Anthony Edward Stark.

[evalinkatrineberg]

Book Club?

A/N: Thank you @ladyreggiewright for a fun rp! Who would’ve thought that Reggie and Evalin would get along so well?! 

The words in the french textbook on the table in front of me were starting to blur at this point. How long had I been in the library now? Four hours? Five? I had lost track, and was too scared to look at my watch to check. This was ridiculous. I had grown up bilingual. Learning a third language shouldn’t be a difficult task for me to accomplish, and yet, French grammar was throwing me for a loop. What language needed five past tenses? It was excessive, in my opinion.

I rubbed my eyes, forcing them to focus on the words printed in the book once again. Behind me, I could hear footsteps approaching, the sound of someone's shoes hitting the floor reverberating through the nearly empty library. Whoever it was stopped two chairs over from where I was sitting, and curiosity got the better of me. Tucking my loose hair behind my ears, I looked up.

It was Reggie Wright. That was one name I couldn’t forget. When discussing the other Selected girls before I came here, Lydia and June had both been extremely eager to share their opinions on what they were sure the other girls would be like. They ended up coming to the same conclusions for most of the Selected, but Reggie had become a point of contention between the two of them. Lydia had insisted that Reggie must be a haughty know-it-all, citing many photos of her not smiling, and her job at a law firm - a home for the hoity-toity folk, as Lydia called it - as proof. June had disagreed, arguing that Reggie and I were actually probably quite similar, which seemed like a logical theory to me. She had pulled up some instagram fan account of some sort dedicated to Reggie, which was filled with pictures of her doing normal, everyday things, along with many photos of her smiling. She had a really nice smile, I had to admit.

I caught Reggie’s eye as she took her seat, flashing her a grin before turning back to my notes. Where was I? Right, past tenses. Why were there so many?

Reggie cleared her throat, pulling my focus back to her again. She was wearing a casual dress, with her hair pulled back into a low ponytail. When she saw she had my attention, she asked, “Making progress?”

I glared at my book. The truth of the matter was I had been making progress, up until I had hit these past tenses. French vocabulary wasn’t particularly challenging, considering the Latin roots of many of the words, which made me grateful that so much terminology in biology was rooted in Latin. However, I’d been struggling with the past tenses for a few days now, which wasn’t ideal, to say the least. “A bit,” I finally answered. “Not as much as I’d like.”

Reggie hummed thoughtfully for a moment, opening her own book and clicking her pen. She looked away from me, and began to pick up my own pen, confident that that was to be the sum of our interaction. She didn’t strike me as a particularly talkative person.

“Anything in particular you’re studying?”

Oh, so she does want to have a conversation, then.

“French,” I answered. “I thought it might prove useful - more useful than my Swendish, at least. What about you? What brings you here?” I lifted my gaze to meet hers.

She flipped up the cover of the book she had just placed on the table and replied, “Discourse on Inequality.” I felt the color rising to my cheeks as she leaned over, inspecting my own notes and book. “French, huh? I consider it to be useful in my life so far.”

My brain put two and two together in that moment, and I realized that this could be a golden opportunity. Not only could I possibly find myself another friendly face around here, but maybe she’d be willing to help me out as well. “You speak it, then? Could I ask you a question about the past tense forms of verbs, then?”

With a sigh, she straightened her posture in her chair, clicking her pen as she turned towards me. “If you must.”

Perfect. “What’s the difference between the passé antérieur and the imparfait?” I put my pen down on top of my notebook before adding, “Why would you use one over the other?”

“The passé antérieur is not something you’d have to concern yourself with.” I found myself blinking as she spoke. Her pronunciation of the words was absolutely flawless. How long had she been speaking French? With a frown, she continued, “It’s hardly ever used in speaking. Sometimes, it’s used in old literary texts, however even natives don’t use it.”

Well, shit. What had I even been studying then? The textbook I had found must have been outdated. I dared to consider how much of the rest of what I had been learning might be unnecessary as well, but then dismissed the thought. Better to be over-prepared than underprepared, I supposed. Raising my eyebrows, I picked up my pen and drew a line through my notes on the passé antérieur, glad that in the very least, I wouldn’t have to waste time rewriting them later. “I see. Thank you.” I met her gaze once again, and added, “Is there something I can help you with in return?”

At my question, she started to scoff, and I felt my heart drop in my chest a bit. It appeared that Lydia had been right after all. “I doubt,” Reggie began, trailing off as she narrowed her eyes at me. “Wait, you’re the biology student, correct?”

Well, this was a twist. I wasn’t surprised that Reggie knew who I was, considering how much I and the other girls I had spoken to had prepared ourselves on information about the other girls here, but the fact that she had chosen to identify me but that one aspect of myself was intriguing to me. It really shouldn’t have been, if I was being honest, since studying biology was, admittedly, my defining character trait for most of my life, but Reggie struck me as the kind of person who would memorize names, faces, castes, and provinces before anything else.

I smiled in response. “Yes, that’s me.”

At that, she leaned in, extending her hand towards me, a polite smile plastered on her face. A job interview smile, is what I’d always referred to that expression as. It was almost like I was sitting at the lab table with a new coworker. In fact, I half expected someone to walk in and ask us if we wanted coffee or water.

“I’m Reggie,” she stated. “Nice to meet you, first of all.”

I mirrored her expression, extending my hand and shaking hers. God, the mannerisms, in combination with the outfit I had worn - black dress pants with a red blouse - really hit home the sensation of being back at work. Yet, this time when I thought about the lab, I wasn’t overwhelmed by butterflies in my stomach or a lump forming in my throat, but rather a sense of warmth that seemed to center me, grounding me in the moment. I could get used to this.

“Yes, you’re the political science student from Hansport, correct? I’m Evalin. It’s nice to meet you, too.” I withdrew my hand, reaching over to pick up my pen, which I then tapped against my chin. “So, what can I help you with?”

She nodded, raising both of her eyebrows, as if she might be surprised that I actually knew something about her. Odd. I found myself wondering who she had spoken to before this. Were there girls here who didn’t obsess over who they’d be spending the next few months of their lives with before they came here? I couldn’t fathom the idea.

“Well,” she began, “it’s been brought to my attention that I lack some knowledge on nature.” A grimace flashed across her face, and she cleared her throat before continuing. “Anyway, ecology being quite a broad field, perhaps you have some recommendations for me for some general information.”

Nature? Really? Of all things, why did she need more information on nature? Then again, who was I to stop her from learning more about anything. Maybe if she became interested enough in the subject, we could discuss it together. My main interest might be in cellular biology, but it had been so long since I’d talked to anyone about anything science related, that I’d take whatever I could get.

I hummed thoughtfully, continuing to tap my pen against my chin as I wracked my brain for titles she might find useful. “I believe I can. Are you looking for information about ecosystems, or something more along the lines of conservation or biodiversity?” I offered her an apologetic smile before adding, “Ecology is a broad field.”

She frowned, flipping through her notes for a moment before turning back to face me, her expression entirely serious. “Both. Both would be good.”

“Well,” I began, collecting my thoughts, “The Theory of Ecology by Mark Vellend might be a good place to start. Walden by Henry David Thoreau is probably right up your alley, too.” After a moment, I added, “I also have a book that I brought from home called Elements of Ecology that’s pretty comprehensive, but it’s a little dry. It definitely teaches a lot, though.” I narrowed my eyes. This might be my opportunity to learn a little more, too. Sure, she wasn’t a university professor, but she definitely appeared to be knowledgeable about political science. “Do you have any recommendations for someone who might be interested in learning more about political science, but is new to it?”

“Excellent.” She scribbled something down in her notebook, before looking back at me and blinking a couple of times. “Give me a moment.” I watched as she walked around some of the shelves, pausing to pull one off the shelf every now and then. When she was satisfied with her work, she returned to the table, placing five books down in front of me with a small smile. I decided then that I liked this side of Reggie. I was half tempted to ask her if she wanted to start a book club, considering the exchange of materials that was already happening.

Slow down. You’ve only just met her.

I returned her smile. “Thank you. I could give you my copy of Elements if Ecology, if you want. I actually think I might have it in my bag.” I reached down for my backpack, which was at my feet, leaning against the chair. It didn’t take me long to find the book. It was rather bulky, and hard to miss.

“Oh.” She cleared her throat. “That would certainly be appreciated, yes. I will treat it with care, of course.”

I smiled at her, quickly pulling out some old note pages I had stored in the cover of the book before handing it over to her. “I have no doubts that you will. Keep it as long as you need.”

“Thank you, that is,” she paused for a moment, before finishing with, “kind.” She took the book, smiling politely as she quickly read the cover and walked back to her chair, sitting back down. After looking the book over some more and shaking her head, she turned back to me, inclining her head slightly. “So, you take this Selection serious enough to study for it, I see.”

“Well, I don’t want to look like a fool next to people like you, or Jen Li,” I admitted, shaking my head. “Biology may have provided me with the skills I need to be successful in a variety of fields, but it hasn’t provided me with the specialized knowledge for any settings outside of the lab.”

She held her head a little higher as she replied, “Good. Not all the girls mind looking like a fool, I suppose.” There was the Reggie Lydia seemed to expect, again. I couldn’t help but think about the other girls I had spoken to, and felt a pang of regret for not sticking up for them. Reggie, however, let out a short sigh, and then smiled at me once again. “I’m sure that with your academic background, you’ll catch up, even outside of a lab.”

I smiled a little wider at that. It was almost like being praised by a professor. “Thank you. I’m sure you’ll have no trouble with ecology, either. It’s quite conceptual, in comparison to other subjects within biology, and intersects with various social sciences.”

She nodded. “Yes, I’m sure I’ll manage, thank you.” Again, she carefully lifted the cover of the book, checking the contents with a look of almost apprehension, a frown growing across her face. She turned back to me then, and asked, “Are you enjoying your stay?”

“Yes,” I answered immediately. It wasn’t a lie, but so much had happened, it was hard to pinpoint exactly how everything had left me feeling. I had discovered that it was easier to just focus on the highlights of being here. “Everybody has been kind so far, and the grounds themselves are amazing. There’s so many nice running trails, and between that, the gardens, and the access to the library, what more could I ask for, really?” I finished with a smile. “What about you?”

“I am,” she replied, though she was frowning. “It is challenging in terms of time management, but definitely a lot of new experiences.”

“Yeah,” I echoed in agreement, my eyes going a little wide as I shook my head. With a sigh, I continued, “I can relate to that. I never would have experienced even a quarter of what I’ve experienced here at home. I presume you’ve had some interesting meetings as well, then?”

She pursed her lips, but then said, “Interesting, yes, that’s probably the best way to describe them.” With a sideways glance at me, she added, “The prince is interesting as well.”

I raised an eyebrow at that. “Really?” I’d hardly been able to get more than a scripted nicety out of him. What had she discussed with him? “You must have had a much more scintillating discussion than he and I did.”

To my surprise, she shook her head, frowning. “I’m not sure scintillating is the right word,” she admitted. “Only time will tell how this Selection will progress, I suppose.”

“Yeah,” I agreed, “that’s for sure.” I felt my phone vibrate in my bag, and looked down at my watch, frowning when I realized what time it was. Seven hours. I had been in this library for seven whole hours. What was I doing? “Anyways, thank you for your help, but I actually have to go. I promised my sister I’d call her five minutes from now.” A lie. The buzzing of my phone in my bag was almost certainly Lydia calling me repeatedly for not calling her earlier, like I had said I would.

Reggie seemed not to notice, thankfully, and simply checked her own watch, nodding along. “Yes, of course. Thank you again. I’ll return it as soon as possible,” she finished, tapping my book for good measure.

“It was nice talking to you, Reggie,” I replied with a smile as I packed up my belongings, beginning to make my way down the hall. I wondered if she could see my bag vibrating. Maybe she’d just assume that my sister was impatient, and had called early. That would be ideal.

“Likewise,” I heard Reggie call from behind me as I made my way into the hallway.

I couldn’t help but smile as I made my way towards my room. Talking to Reggie had been nice, familiar, in a way that talking to the other girls had not. I’d have to seek her out again at some point, but right now, I had to hightail it back to my room, before Lydia screamed at me loud enough to burst my eardrums. I almost couldn’t wait to tell her that she had been wrong. Reggie was nice, and helpful, and I appreciated that.

[girllovescomic]

Winter Begonia recap episode 29

Of course, the evil stepmother agrees to compete if he gets a chance to go up against his rival. He tries to dash out of there, but Jiang papa is like, Si Xi’er I am not done explaining what I want from you.  The evil stepmother is like, nah, I don’t want to hear it, I got some shopping to do.  Gotta look good when I face my rival. LOL, ok. Dengbao questions his father for using Si Xi’er in his plan against SXR. He’s like dad, we are not related to that evil stepmother, why are you wasting your time with that tired old queen to get at SXR! Besides, Ning Jiulang has many followers and patrons willing to pay for me, so there is not even a guarantee SXR will be selected, so what’s the deal? Jiang papa is like, son, I am not really supporting Si Xi’er, I just want that tired old queen to disgust SXR.  WHAT? HOW? Like, how is that going to work? Despite the animosity, Si Xi’er is not even on the same level as SXR in the nandan department! He claims that by having both of the names mentioned during the competition, it will make it a laughingstock.  WHAT? I am trying to follow the logic, but I can’t. No, Dengbao, your dad is not wise at all, he is as much of a dumbass as you. 

Meanwhile, my other favorite side couple are discussing the nominees for the Liyuan Competition. The names are Si Xi’er (really, they nominate that bish), Chen Renxiang, Jiang Rongshou (what?), SXR, Ning Jiulang, Hou Yukui... I don’t even know why Xue Qianshan bothers to ask Du Qi who he thinks will win, seriously, you should already know what your boyfriend is going to say. Don’t be jealous and choke on your pipe smoke tho (yall simmer down, I am not talking about that pipe). Indeed, Xue Qianshan, you clearly did not use your brain when you asked that question. He asks Du Qi for his prediction based on that list of those who will move on to the final round. Du Qi declares that Ning Jiulang will go through. Xue Qianshan is unimpressed, saying the fairy godmother hasn’t been around for a long time, how can he still be popular? Oh honey, bro, reputation alone can do wonders for a great performer. Mr. Xue predicts Chen Renxiang would advance. Du Qi smirks while Mr. Xue reads an article hyping Chen Renxiang.  Du Qi is unimpressed, repeating the words successful and brings up the competition against SXR.  Yo, Du Qi, to be fair Chen Renxiang rocked his performance, is just that our boy SXR was spectacular. He states that CRX was so beat by SXR he had to run away.  Well, he couldn’t perform for a year and wanted to be with his girlfriend. LOL, Du Qi asks if Mr. Xue hired someone to write this fake article. Damn, these two need to just get it on.  Mr. Xue reads one of Du Qi’s own article flattering SXR for leading the trend with new opera, winning even the younger people’s heart. Mr. Xue is like, damn that is a fine article, who wrote it. Bish, you know your boyfriend did, why you fronting? Du Qi recommends another name and I almost choked.  Jiang Dengbao!? Bish, what? Because of his name.  GTFO.  Ewww, just no. Hmm. Qian Qian seems to agree.  Oh well. 

Meanwhile, GAHHH, the annoying maid! Er Nainai is doing some accounting and asks if the annoying maid got any news from Lao Han about CFT mother. Sigh, I really do not like that she is the one looking for his mother. Well apparently, he hasn’t reported back from Fengtian, where Chun Xuan apparently lives. Er Nainai complains that her brother no longer comes to the house. LOL, why would he come to a house full of nagging women.  Geezus xrist, he is useless, but he is not dumb. Ugh, why doesn’t Fan Xiang’er just marry that annoying maid.  They make a better couple. 

Meanwhile, we now know where Fan Lian is spending his time.  LOL, just like his BIL, he prefers to hang with the performers.  I don’t blame him, they are far more livelier, especially our penguin, who is explaining to Zhouzi how to smize with his eyes. Fan Lian runs inside the courtyard to tell Rui Rui that he has made it in the final round of the competition.  Our confident penguin is like, of course, what else is new.  He asks who made it as well. Fan Lian informs him that Ning Jiulang, Jiang Dengbao, and...what? Si Xi’er.  THE FUCK.  How much did Jiang Rongshou pay to have that old queen move on?  Anyhoo, our penguin does not seem to care about that piece of news, LOL, in your face Rongshou. Fan Lian is the one who seems more rankled by that news along with some of the members, but not our penguin.  Nah, he is too excited to hear that his fairy godmother has made the cut and he would be competing against him.  LOL, he goes into a diatribe, wondering how he is going to win against his fairy godmother when even his dad couldn’t.  LOL, he has already ceded the title.  Oh my baby.  Dasheng is not too happy to hear his boss already conceding; Fan Lian tells him he must fight for this, having pulled a lot of strings.  Shit starter Shi Jiu is like, I saw you perform with your idol and you were as good as he was. Zhouzi seems to agree.  Ran Long is like, Ning Jiulang only performed once a year, while you are more popular throughout Beiping, so he should be the one to win. Oh, Rui Rui does not seem to keen on it, even Dasheng notices.  Seriously, Dasheng, has such a big crush on his boss, lol.  

Next day, the streets are buzzing as the troupe is passing flyers urging passerby to vote for SXR.  I love the music.  It was the same use when Du Qi was writing Hidden Tale and when the battle of the beautiful queens was under way.  LOL, is this Lao Ge getting involved?! Even the rickshaw driver is doing his part. LOL, Qian Qian, why do you bother asking your boyfriend about him writing articles only on SXR.  You should know better.  I really think he is jealous.  We see a large banner for SXR with hubby contemplating the picture.  He does some type of noise......yeah, I will leave it to your imagination.  We see our penguin jumping up and down, wanting to take down the banner.  Both Fan Lian and hubby are confused; Er Ye says this is not cheating, it is simply a banner for the campaign.  Penguin says, no, I don’t need it. Fan Lian misinterpret this to mean he is too confident in his chance of winning, but penguin is like, nah, I just don’t want to compete anymore.  Oh, Er Ye is puzzled by this, since the competition happens every five years and that is a golden opportunity, so why? Our penguin replies he doesn’t want to compete against his fairy godmother, who in his mind is the best performer. If he loses, it means he wasn’t good enough, and that would make him feel bad, but if he wins, how will he face his fairy godmother in the future.  OHHHH, honey, stop it! I am sure your fairy godmother would be fine if you win.  He loves you that much!  Hubby asks if he wouldn’t disappoint his father if he forfeits, but penguin states he is worried, since it almost his father’s death anniversary and he will go back to Pingyang to bow at his grave and admit his wrongdoing.  LOL, Dasheng blows the cover on the white lie, replying the anniversary is in two months.  BWAWAWA, the penguin stomps out defeated, declaring he can compete against anyone, but Ning Jiulang, while hubby smiles at his cute penguin wife leaving.  Fan Lian, do not get involve, bro!

My old gays are back. Qi Wangye calls out to his wifey, informing him that as soon as he returns to the stage, he is already nominated for Best Performer. Fairy Godmother replies that in the opera circle, people love to fool around for fun, meaning his nomination is just people playing around for shits and giggles.  He tell his hubby to not pay any mind to the circus.  Qi Wangye reminds that every competition, it was either him or Hou Yukui who won, with Shang Juzhen as runner-up. He mentions Jiang Rongshou winning once, after he became the chairman.  HMMMMM, did he buy his win?  Qi Wangye comments that this year may not be easy with Rui Ge. Fairy Godmother changes the subject, bringing up growing watermelons in the South Garden. LOL, smoooothhh. Qi Wangye gets the hint that Jiulang is scolding him for having some free time.  Qi Wangye is like, fine, I am going to be a socialite and go buy a newspaper to vote.  Fairy godmother, say, fine, go ahead.  Qi Wangye is like, you are not going to stop me and fairy godmother replies, no, just give your vote to my little penguin, that will be fine. Qi Wangye is like, what? and then they laugh.  I love my old gays.

At a voting station, a crowd is there to place their votes for SXR when a strangely looking man, with sunglasses, a hat and scarf wrapped around half of his face comes in to buy up 10 votes for Ning Jiulang.  Why does he sounds like our penguin? One of the voters outbid him with 20 votes for SXR.  He doesn’t have any money to up the ante.  One of the voters tells him that Ning Jiulang is too old to be competing he should be spending time hugging his grandchildren instead, adding how many years can he last if he becomes the Best Performer this year. The one who outbid him says Ning Jiulang shouldn’t be competing against a fresh face youngster like SXR, it is embarrassing.  The strangely disguised man is like, yo, I am here to buy votes why are you dragging Ning Jiulang through the mud.  The voter replies that fans are the reflection of the performer, chasing our disguised man claiming he is as eccentric as his idol.  LOL, if they only knew who that was!

Best girl Xiao Lai catches our penguin rifling through the drawers and sees him holding the bank book stamp.  She asks if he is going to pay tribute to the money god. Oh, is that we call doting on your hubby these days! Can I have a money god to pay tribute to as well?  She tells him that he’s been splurging too much on the spendthrift Er Ye, buy imported cigarettes, alcohol, paying up his gambling debt (bro!), milk formula, expensive dishes at the restaurant. LOL, penguin is not listening, except to correct her when she says it amounts to 100K, claiming it is really only 80K.  BWAHAHA, oh honey!  She’s like, boss, you are going to go bankrupt doting on your hubby, if he stays longer.  He replies that for all the things he’s done, why not, but she replies that Shuiyin Troupe is not Cheng Er Ye’s piggybank.  Penguin is like, yo, this is not for Er Ye and I think I have an idea what it is for.  Penguin wants to buy the votes for Jiulang. She tries to stop him, but he twirls his way out.  LOL, poor Xiao Lai. Novel Xiao Lai emerges again as she screams he will regret spending so much on Er Ye. 

It’s the day of the result and the Liyuan Opera Hall is filled the brim.  Boss Niu is on the stage waiting for the Jiang Rongshou to show up so he can start the count. LOL, Du Qi and Fan Lian are both there.  I ship these two.  LOL.  Finally, the douchebag father and son duo finally arrives.  Boss Niu announces the start of the competition. We see Si Xi’er and Xue Qianshan in the crowd. Why are you sitting from your boyfriend? The first vote is for Ning Jiulang, the next is for SXR.  Meanwhile, our fairy godmother is singing to his bird, trying once again to teach him that song from the first time we met him.  Qi Wangye comes in and compliments him, which makes Ning Jiulang stop singing. LOL.  Qi Wangye comments how hard it is to hear his wifey sing, if he had known he would have eavesdropped outside. He asks if his wifey is really not going to go to the Liyuan Association Hall to watch the count.  Jiulang informs him he sent someone in his stead.  Qi Wangye is like, don’t you want to receive the award yourself.  Jiulang smirks and asks if Wangye really believes he will win the award.  Instead he believes that penguin will win.  Wangye is like you really think that foggy Jiang papa is going to let him win. Jiulang seems to think about it for a brief moment, but then snickers, inviting Qi Wangye to take a look at their watermelon seedlings.  Yo, anyone who claims they are only friends, please stop right now.  They are planting freaking watermelons in their garden together.  Alright!

The count continues.  Wait, someone actually voted for Dengbao! Evil stepmother asks about Ning Jiulang, to which Jiang papa ignores the question. Meanwhile, our couple is walking together overlooking the city.  Seriously, what a romantic setting.  Anyhoo, Er Ye is like, why aren’t you at the Association Hall instead of having a romantic walk with me. Rui Rui recalls the last time he came to this area, it was snowing; he was careless and took a fall, forcing him not to perform for days.  Wait, how is a penguin fall in the snow?  Er Ye responds the troupe members must be looking anxiously for him since he left without letting them know. He shows Er Ye a tree which has a large cut, apparently made by Qi Wangye out of anger.  Er Ye replies why is he telling him that when he was not the one chopped.  He brings the conversation back to Rui Rui not going to the Association Hall.  Rui Rui answers no; hubby asks if he is afraid.  Rui Rui answers yes, he is, especially of winning. He does that face that captures hubby’s attention (to be honest, it doesn’t take much, lol). He tells how he used to think his father was formidable, chasing him all over the street to beat him, which he couldn’t never outrun, until one day, he ran so fast, he saw his father leaning on the stick, panting while looking at him, realizing he had grown taller and stronger.  He wasn’t happy at the realization that his father’s age had slowed him down.  Er Ye asks who can outrun aging and Rui Rui answers who can stop time.  Er Ye replies that God gives everything an expiration date, when that date comes, it naturally degenerates, how can his fairy godmother be an exception? Rui Rui complains that time has come too fast, Jiulang is still high up in his heart.  Oh boo boo, honey bun, you are the fresh faced, the one the crowd clamor for.  It doesn’t mean Jiulang has sang his swansong, but since he doesn’t perform as much, it is normal for him to be upstage by some of equal talent like you! He claims he is not ready to replace him.  Boss Niu still counts and the last two votes are for our penguin.  Meanwhile, the evil stepmother only has one vote.  BWAHAHAHAHA.  He storms out, followed by his pretty boys army. They ask if they should leave like this and evil stepmother replies he doesn’t want to stay for fear of being mocked.  One of them asks didn’t one fan vote for you, but it turns out it was him.  LOLOLOL.  Best girl catches up to the couple and Rui Rui asks how she knew he was there. Bro, what is wrong with you? Of course she would know, she’s been with you for decades now! She’s your best girl! Oh wait, Er Ye reveals he sent Lao Ge to get her after dropping them off.  Ok, I take that back Rui Rui. She tells him to hurry up and go to the Association Hall, informing that even Qi Wangye’s people are there, it would not be a good look for him not to appear. Rui Rui asks if Jiulang is there, which stomps best girl, unsure how to answer, but does tell him that Jiulang assistant is there.  Hubby tells him that maybe he didn’t win after all, but since Jiulang is there, he needs to go.  Rui Rui is like, right, I should go, but he needs to change clothes. Best girl grabs his wrist, telling him she already arranged with Shi Jiu to get the clothes.  

Boss Niu thanks the crowd for the support and declare the competition has concluded.  It is time to announce the results.  Du Qi gets up on the table to see the results.  LOL, such a fanboy. Ning Jiulang of Qinyang Troupe has 3586 votes, Du Qi looks over at Jiang Rongshou to see his reaction, while one of the reporter tells Xue Qianshan that Ning Jiulang has been popular for two decades.  CEO Xue replies that Boss Ning has quite the pedigree, having worked for the Bureau of Imperial Operas before and was appointed by the Empress Dowager as Minister of Opera Circle, becoming a top guest at Qi Wangye manor.  Hmmm... you mean married to Qi Wangye. His connections and experience cannot be underestimated.  The reporter is like, oh so it seems like he is going to win.  CEO Xue following in his boyfriend footsteps respond not to jump to conclusion. Boss Niu announces the tally for Rui Rui and it is a tie with fairy godmother. The crowd is excited while Xue is like, see, I told you so. They announce that weasel Dengbao received 1257 votes. LOL, what?! Who the fuck voted for him? He gets up to greet everyone.  Whatever. Then it is Si Xi’er turn.  Why even announce it, it is so goddamn embarrassing. Boss Niu is about to announce the results, seeing this is God’s will or something like that, but someone in the crowd claims the vote must have been rigged in favor of Rui Rui.  Someone asks for a recount.  Yooo, really Jiang senior! You would sink that low? Du Qi throws a tea kettle on the floor, breaking it.  He tells the one asking for a recount he will rip his mouth if he continue to spew nonsense.  The guy is like try me, but Fan Lian stops him from making a fool out of himself. Ohhh, judging from weasel Dengbao smirks, he was the one who caused this ruckus.  Geezus xrist! A man enters the room and shuts up the crowd declaring he has one more vote to deliver.  It’s Ning Jiulang’s assistant, Mr. Tong. He exchanges pleasantries with Jiang senior, claiming he got lost on his way to the Association since he doesn’t get to come out as much due him not going out as much.  Jiang papa smiles profusely, thinking Mr. Tong is here to cast away Rui Rui chances in favor of his boss. Boss Niu invites him to bring his vote to the stage.  Meanwhile, Er Ye brings Rui Rui to front steps of the Association Hall, helping him dress.  AWWWWWW, like a good wifey taking care of his spouse! When did the roles reverse? I guess since Rui Rui is taking care of him, he has become the wifey, not that I am complaining.  Rui Rui says he wished there would be some fast beating drum rolls to announce the winner.  LOL, Er Ye is like, my baby is so weird, but I love him.  Inside Boss Niu looks at the vote and ask Mr. Tong if he is sure.  He replies that is Boss Ning’s order and go ahead in announcing the result. Boss Niu announces the winner of the Liyuan Best Performer Competition is.......our RUI RUI. Outside, Er Ye is still dressing up his husband when they hear the results, while Du Qi and Fan Lian are embracing each other. I SQUEAALLL. Mr. Ton announces he has brought a gift for Rui Rui for this occasion.  It is a plaque with Golden Stage Best Performer written on it.  LOL, Jiang Rongshou is pissed off and storms out of the Hall.  Go join the evil stepmom. CEO Xue tells his reporter that Boss Ning had planned this for a long time.  The dense reporter asks what he means by that and CEO Xue replies the Opera World has a new ruler.  Our penguin stomps inside the Hall with hubby in tow, seeing the gift from fairy godmother. Rui Rui states that Jiulang is not old after all and runs out, followed by his hubby. 

Rui Rui is facing the ancestor’s altar while Er Ye and Fengyi are outside, not wanting to disturb his bae.  Dasheng sees him and asks why he is not asleep.  The other members join in and Er Ye complains that Rui Rui could have done some reflections elsewhere besides his room.  I was about to suggest that he simply sleeps and stares at his bae, but apparently Rui Rui scares him by not moving nor blinking, just kneeling and mutter in front of the Ancestor Tablet. Dasheng suggest he sleeps in Rui Rui’s room and he replies that it looks like a doghouse. Sigh, these are moments I wished book Fengtai came out to play more.  Book Fengtai was far more willing to eat the same food as Rui Rui and sleep in the same room.  Ewww, delusional shit starter Shi Jiu, with Ran Long help (girl, what are you doing?!) offers her room to sleep in.  LOL, Er Ye is like, Nah, I will go to the doghouse. Yeah, glad Er Ye prefers to sleep with Rui Rui smells surrounding him than encourage the deluded Shi Jiu.  LOL, Dasheng is like, well, can I go to your room.  Shi Jiu is like hell no. 

Fairy Godmother brings the plaque with him and accosts Dasheng, asking the little brother where to find Rui Rui.  Dasheng tells him that Rui Rui slept in the Ancestor Teacher’s room. Dasheng is so excited to meet the fairy godmother, telling him to watch his steps.  Such eleganza in one figure! He enters the room where Rui Rui is sleeping on the floor and approaches the sleeping figure.  OMG HE IS SO CUTE, I CANNOT.  Our fairy godmother being the equessential fairy stands above the sleeping penguin and then stares at the plaques, back to the penguin, trying to wake him up.  The cutie pie opens his eyes and stares at the figure above him, telling his fairy godmother he was talking about him to the Ancestor Teacher and he suddenly shows up. He grabs the fairy godmother’s leg like a little toddler and say it was a great dream, feeling so real.  Awww, is he still dreaming? Ning Jiulang reproaches him gently, saying this kid is so immersed in opera that dreaming or not, he can’t differentiate what is dream to reality. Continues saying how naturally gifted a singer Rui Rui is and tells the penguin to take what he is about to say as a dream, while the baby is holding tightly his leg with his eyes closed. AWWWWWWWW.  Fairy Godmother wonders if the penguin will remember any of the things he is about to say, but still goes on.  He tells Rui Rui that whether he wants to admit it, he is already old, which limits some of the things he can do as an actor like bending or sing a high pitch.  When he was younger, he grew up in the palace raised by the eunuchs, thus learning by imitating their behaviors as an actor, making neither a master or a slave, which limits his potentiality.  Unlike Rui Rui, who can learn all the different techniques, gestures and behaviors onstage, he doesn’t have the capacity to comprehend them.  All he could do is follow his teacher and copy whatever he could, which made him fearful of making a mistake and upsetting the Empress Dowager.  He adds he couldn’t innovate like Rui Rui, adding his own ideas into the opera.  While he is saying that, Rui Rui again wins the award for the most adorable penguin of the year.  Just on that alone, Yin Zheng must win best actor award, I will riot China! Because of his need to be perfect in the stifling environment of the palace, he could only perform the classical operas from hundred years ago, despite being tired of performing them, but that is all he could do. Cutie pie penguin tells him he performed them well, which fairy godmother agrees, but he has reached his peak.  If he cannot soar past the palace wall, then he cannot elevate to a higher level. He thank God for letting him meet Rui Rui, who holds the leg tighter.  Fairy Godmother admonishes him gently for not obeying discipline while growing up, always asking questions when learning operas, doing as he wish and not being afraid of making mistake or getting a beating.  Since coming to Beiping, he became more unrestrained, changing plays as he wish, which reminds Jiulang of the revolutionaries who barged into the palace.  He admired their spirits, but he was afraid of following them since they destroyed the sheltered world he lived in, pushing him into the unfamiliar world of the civilians. Fortunately for him, he had Qi Wangye to stay by his side which made the transition between the two worlds easier, allowing him to survive.  AWWWW. He was aware they were the future he could not avoid.  For him Rui Rui is like the sky above, that no matter how thick the brick wall was, if there was a crack, the sky will peer through eventually to let the light shine.  He needed a person like him, just like Beijing Operas need someone like him. Rui Rui ask fairy godmother what he is talking about, bringing up revolutionaries, spirits, which confuses him.  Fairy Godmother tells him not to worry, simply remember what he said, he will understand in the future.  Rui RUi said he talks too much about the future, it makes him sleepy.  LOL.  He tells him it is just a dream, so he wants to only hug him and fall asleep. When he wakes up, he will talk to him. Fairy godmother says fine, I will go ahead and make your bed.  He calls out his men to bring the plaque.  Fairy Godmother brings Rui Rui to the bed where Er Ye has been sleeping and where the plaque is, and lays him down. Baby penguin wakes up and sees the white hair ion fairy godmother’s head, comments about it and pulls it out. LOL. Then falls back to sleep. Fairy Godmother watches him sleep for a bit, then steps out, as the crowd of actors pool in front of the house.  They comment about his grace and pose, yess, this queen is the ultimate MOTHER.

Baby penguin finally awakes and sees the plaque.  Shocked, he gets off the bed and screams out the plaque has turned into a demon with legs and came over the house.  LOL, this penguin! Best girl enters the room in a hurry asking what is wrong. He asks how the plaque came here and she tells him that Boss Ning delivered to him.  He is surprised to hear that Jiulang was actually here in the flesh and not in his dream and best girl is like, OMG, are your dazed and confused! Bro, you were talking with your fairy godmother for a while! It dawns on the penguin that his fairy godmother was really there and finds the white hair strand.  LOL. He runs to the courtyard where hubby is sitting with Fengyi, surrounded by the other actors.  He take the baby and gives it to shit starter Shi Jiu, so he can pull hubby back into the room for some naughty times (sigh, I wish).  He tells Er Ye to lay on the bed where the plaque is still on.  Er Ye finds it uncomfortable to do so, but still does it.  Rui Rui snickers and asks how it feels. Er Ye replies he would rather lay on the floor because it is very uncomfortable. He sat up while Rui Rui tells him that he does not know what is good. He informs him it is the plaque gifted by his fairy godmother, which is the highest of all favors, such high-level treatment.  OK GUYS, I need to warn you for the next sentence our Rui Rui is going to blurt.  You might melt, jump with joy, weep like a little bish, die a few deaths. I know I did. Alright, drum rolls... Our Rui Rui blurts out the most valuable things in ShuiyinLou are in this room:The Ancestor Teacher, his father, Jiulang’s plaque and HIM.  OMG, OMG, OMG, our Rui Rui just confessed his love for Er Ye!!!!!!  I have died, I am dead, I need a moment to reincarnate. Er Ye looks at him like he is the most beautiful thing in the world, and we all know he is.  He is moved, his heart pitter patter, his bae just declared his love for him.  He smiles upon the realization, although our Rui Rui is dense as fuck, not realizing the emotional wave coursing through his hubby’s mind and body. OMG, Er Ye’s smile!!!!!!! I am dead again. He tells him how touched he is to hear his bae declare his love.  Dense penguin says don’t be, just lecture me less. PENGUIN, your bae is far too happy right now to even do this. At the urging of the penguin, Er Ye lays down and looks far too happy, not uncomfortable at all. Seriously, the man is so happy, the bed could be wrapped with 100% Egyptian cotton.  OMG, Er Ye smiling profusely.  

[purplesurveys]

768

Doesn't it just piss you off when people brag about drugs and stuff? If the bragging sounds very “look at me I’m so cool and edgy, and you’re not because you haven’t tried it” it does get annoying and I just mute them in my head as I nod along. I don’t mind it if people raise it casually. You do you, just don’t be pretentious about it.

Have you ever egged a person? No, that just sounds stupid and is such a waste of food.

Are you a TV person, or prefer to actually leave the premises of your house? I normally like a healthy balance of both but eugh, these days I’m obviously so sick of having to stay home for this long. I will definitely be a bit of an extrovert once this is all over.

What do the home phone numbers start with in your area? Mine is 9. 8. It used to be different for all homes, but the main phone company in the country institutionalized the system not too long ago and announced that all numbers and hotlines were now going to start with 8.

Would you come to Australia if you had the opportunity? If everything was paid for or if it was a vacation planned out by my parents, sure. It wouldn’t be my first pick for a vacation as I feel like some parts of it have weather too similar to ours, and I simply just have other countries on my list that are bigger priorities for me to travel to.

I hope you said yes. Sorry bout that. I think it’s an interesting place though!

Are you with the teens these days? I’m still very aware of the trends. I share memes as if I was still a teen lmao and I definitely still use whatever slang is in, but I also don’t participate in a number of trends, like Tiktok or Instagram.

Or do they just piss you off with their attitudes? I haven’t seen anyone disrespectful in a while, but then again maybe I’m just biased towards the high school kids from my alma mater that I’m Facebook friends with lmao. Honestly, I don’t know a good number of teens anymore to have an informed opinion about them. The ones I know are very nice, not one problem about their attitude at all - but are definitely more vain and conscious about fitting in and looking good on social media than how the past waves of teenagers used to be.

You working? I am not. Yet. I will be very soon, hopefully.

Where abouts? What do you do? Just wait a little more, I’ll be updating you before the year ends.

You want a career, or happy with just a job? I’d wanna go jump right ahead and start building my career. Never really been a beating-around-the-bush kind of person.

Are you all for second chances? Not a fan.

Do you think anyone on the outside of a situation has the right to judge? Not always. I always take into account what that person might be going through, but I also recognized limits. I will never judge someone who just got an abortion, but like I also wouldn’t think twice about anyone who’s sexually abused someone else.

I hate kids cause they're all a bunch of layabouts. Why do you hate them? I don’t hate kids. If they’re acting terribly, I usually blame it on their environment or on their parents.

How cool was the 90's? Cool enough for a number of its trends to make a comeback today lol, like high-waisted jeans, chunky sneakers, and fanny packs. I don’t like the cheesy girl group/boy band love songs though.

What era had the best music? 2010s mainly because this is the first decade I got to emotionally connect with music at the same time they got released. Some songs in the past decades are important to me too, but I feel detached from them due to them being released way way back.

Do you find it weird that you've actually lived in 2 milleniums? Not really. I found it cooler when I read about people being born in the 1990s being alive for technically three (now four) decades. The math didn’t make sense to me at first but it felt like such a mindfuck when I finally understood it.

Has it occured to you that people won't see that for 1000 more years? No. Now it does.

Name someone you haven't seen for years. Raegan. She was a good friend of mine from prep and super super super insanely rich, it almost felt like I didn’t deserve to be her friend, much less be invited to their giant ass house lol. The last time I saw her was at my 7th birthday party during the summer, but she changed schools by Grade 1 and I haven’t seen her since.

Do you ever wonder if they think about you? I doubt it. We’ve lived very different, distant paths since then. It’s so weird though because even though we haven’t met up in 16 years, she literally just studies in the university beside ours. Literally a stone’s throw away. We’ve never seen each other at the nearby mall or anywhere in the area though.

So do you drink? Sure.

If you do, are you actually legally allowed? Yeah, for the last four years.

What about smoke? Yeah, but definitely not as much as I drink.

Into any of that hard schmak? Hard pass.

I think i may have made that term up. You smoke weed? Nope.

Did you know that weed might not be linked to skitzos afterall? I have no idea what you mean.

You know any Sams? A good amount, it’s a common name. I have a cousin named Sam, a former best friend, and I also went to school (both high school and college) with a good chunk of Sams. Kissed any Brads? I have not.

You have a pet named Bruiser? I don’t.

What's the best thing about Summer where you live? Going to the beach in the province. There isn’t anything exciting about summer here in the city, so we typically have to travel to have some fun.

Do you get snow there in Winter? We don’t get snow.

Do you wax your eyebrows? Nah I’m scared of most hair removal procedures because I’ve seen how red people get in the area that got worked on after leaving the spa lolol. Pluck or shave is fine with me since I’m not all that conscious about my eyebrows anyway. 

Broken a bone? I have not.

Are you one of those people who do all communication over the internet? Right now, I don’t really have a choice. Normally my other options would be text or personally speaking with someone.

I think it's sad. I've heard of wedding invites being sent over facebook. It’s definitely cheaper and more efficient, but it just feels super impersonal to me. I’d still send out physical invitations, but I would also create a Facebook event to keep track of attendance and to send announcements if ever.

How do people know that there's a God? For some people, believing and faith have had a positive impact on them and they’re things that have influenced and molded who they are. It’s not invalid, but I preferably wouldn’t hang out with that kind of crowd.

How many places have you travelled to by plane? A. Lotttttt. Six countries, but way way more local provinces.

[coolmarriagerecords]

Johan Kugelberg's Top 100 DIY Singles

From Ugly Things via http://www.hyped2death.com/Kugelberg100.html

1. The Desperate Bicycles -The Medium Was Tedium (Refill Records, 1977 UK) The Desperate Bicycles are the yardstick for this obscurist sub genre. No one did it as easy or as cheap as them. Of the slew of unfathomable brilliant pop 45's, The Medium Was Tedium is the apex: The enthusiasm, anger and joy de vivre that oozes from the tracks contained within has me reaching for Village Green-Kinks and first album Cramps to describe the passion. For drunken, leftist dorm-room intellectuals to describe the faith and for Dez/Chavo-era Black Flag to describe the power ? notwithstanding that the recordings themselves are of 4-track bedroom shut-in lo-fi jangle. Too bad the band don't want the material re-released but a good thing indeed that the records barely rate at all in the collector scum price guide pantheon.

2. Beyond The Implode -Last Thoughts EP (Diverse Records UK 1979) Barrett/early-Floyd psych as good (or better) than any Soft Boys, obscurist strum & drang way more passionate than any Flying Nun band I've heard and Inflammable vocals of the purest Oxbridge confusion. The Spacemen 3 never did anything to match this record. [Messthetics #6]

3. V/A -Weird Noise EP (Fuck Off Records UK 1980) The legend doesn't start here, but at least this isn't a cassette-only release in an edition of 50 copies or so like the majority of the Fuck Off Records oeuvre. This lines up the finest advocates of tuneless bashing within the UK late 70's underground: The 012, Danny and the Dressmakers, the Instant Automatons, The Door and the Window and finally the Sell Outs who seem to be Danny and the Dressmakers under a different moniker. The cut "Please Don't Make Another Bass Guitar Mr. Rickenbacker" showcases one of the odder qualities popular music can have: The ability to disorientate the listener. "Simply the very best in bad music" indeed! [Danny...Messthetics Greatest Hits]

4. Desperate Bicycles ? New Cross, New Cross (Refill Records, UK 1978) The godlike power of "I Make The Product" or "Advice On Arrest" (two of the songs on this six song EP) deliver a little salvation of sorts ? the Desperate Bicycles make you believe, make you feel a sense of belonging. Music does that when it is this good. 5.Slugfuckers ? Three Feet Behind Glass EP (No label Australia 1979) Invoke the god Nyarlathotep they do, cover Manson-songs w/o ever having heard him they do, shmear on the middle class art school elitism thick they do. This is an extreme record; noisier and more abrasive than most first generation industrial stuff, a hell of a lot more punk than, say, the Lewd and intelligent in a scary, vicious bullying kind of way. A blazing, hard record at the same time as everything is slightly out of tune, kind of inept and sorta shoddy sounding.

6. Popes -Knup In Your Eye (Vatican Records. UK 1980) This appeared on the worldwide punk list a few issues ago, and educated guesses can be made for this appearing on any other lists I might do in the future. Not only is the record the cats pajamas as far as relentless art school mirth goes (Derek & Clive go through puberty, again!) but the throb and spark of the band makes for repeated play. And then we have to tag on the swollen nostalgia of my friend buying the only copy at the Rough trade shop in 1980 leaving me with none until Bill Forsyth digs one up for me in his back room, oh yeah, and one for Geoffrey too.

7. The Flak -EP (Northern Records UK 1980 (?)) Starts with a depressed "why am I here" poem and moves straight along into "Knocking on Heaven's Door" done dorm-angst-diy-style. This is followed by what sounds like the band attempting a Joy Division-style song the first time they pick up musical instruments. Completely inept, utterly charming and brilliant indeed. Top shelf genre defining DIY.

8. Fatal Microbes -Beautiful Pictures (Small Wonder, UK 1979) Certainly the best record with Honey Bane on it. Charming, relentless punk-crazed homemade guitar crunch. The window of opportunity of the UK underground musicscene in the late 70's is clearly demonstrated here: I doubt the Fatal Microbes stupendous teen energy could have been nurtured in the world of merchandising deals and first-look demo A&R we live in today.

9. The Silver -Do You Wanna Dance (Black Label Finland 1980) The Silver -No More Grease (Black Label Finland 1979) A riddle wrapped inside an enigma etc. The band appears to be around 12 ? 13 years old. They hail from Finland where the trail grew cold a long long time ago. Maybe upon the release of the record. Pussy Galore without post-modern baggage. "Love Theme from the Snails" as performed by SPK. 12 year olds virtually destroying a recording studio captured on tape, not once but four times.

10. Instant Automatons -Peter Paints His Fence EP (Deleted Records UK 1980) More Fuck Off/Street Level-related sublime nonsense. The battle call is the track "People Laugh At Me Cuz I Like Weird Music" which states: "I was at a pub the other night, when a bunch of mods came in, they eyed me up, then they asked me: Hey man what's your scene? Are you a hippie a mod or a punk? Got a scooter or a motorbike? I can't understand why they burst out laughing when I told them the music I like, because: People Laugh At Me Cuz I Like Weird Music People just don't understand Why pay six pounds for an album when you can, listen to a weird noise band for free I had a girlfriend named Josephine, she liked Abba and the Bee Gees. She thought music was about lawyers and accountants, percentages and legal fees. Just the other night we stayed up late, playing records til half past ten, then I played the Danny and the Dressmakers tape and I never saw Josephine again, because: People Laugh At Me Cuz I Like Weird Music People just don't understand Why pay six pounds for an album when you can, listen to a weird noise band for free" The gospel, folks. From God's mouth to your ear via the Instant Automatons. [Instant Automatons 'Another Wasted Sunday Afternon' CD]

11. Sir Alick and the Phraser -In Search of the Perfect Baby (Black Noise UK 1980) As Chuck Warner put it: They wrote beautiful pop songs then destroyed them. More Homosexuals pseudonymous mystique. The intelligent reader who followed our previous musings on this band and their universe know how much we love them and how much they perpetually pull our collective leg. No straight-ahead answers in this lifetime which is fine ? fine as far as record collecting is concerned, fine as far as lifemanship is concerned.[The Homosexuals -Astral Glamour 3CD]

12. The Four Plugs -Biking Girl (Disposable Records UK 1979) The subtle charm of marginal culture: Truly marginal culture where 1000 singles were pressed more than 22 years ago. How many got lost? How many are never being played? How many are stored in a box in the attic? How many are being played repeatedly on turntables that cost ten times as much as the recording and pressing of this given 45? "She used to be my biking partner ? she used to be my biking girl. We used to go for rides in the country side". A true punk rock/diy statement issued by the Damaged Goods people, who knew their Chesterton and Thomas Browne.

13. The Evening Outs -Channel (Refill Records UK 1980) Super-fierce skronk from a pissed-off pseudonymous Desperate Bicycles. Puts that no wave stuff to shame, really.

14. Puritan Guitars -100 Pounds in 15 Minutes (Riverside Records UK 1980) How much it cost to make the record and how long it took. Genius sturm und sturm und sturm und drang clank from a seriously inspired one chord wonder.[Messthetics Greatest Hits and Messthetics #104]

15. The Flying Brix -EP (Modello Records UK 1980) So subtle it can barely be heard: A band consisting of Wally's and Erberts, with the odd dead-end yob or two. This record could've been released by Illegal, Fuck Off or fit in on Carry On Oi. It could also have been performed on an episode of Noddy or by Flanagan & Allen. Ur-English music, this.[Messthetics #104]

16. Shrinking Men/Beevers -Hazards in the Home EP (Pop Records UK 1981) The Beevers present a Guthrie-esque talking blues here, except that it isn't a blues, but a charming DIY-shuffle, and that Woody Guthrie as far as I know never sang about the plight and blight of the office boy. The Shrinking Men in turn showcase an angry, loutish anti-army rant that Phil Ochs would've been pretty proud of I think. And there you have it: The folk music connection rears its uncombed head. [Beevers -Messthetics #6]

17. Handgrenades -Demo To London (Phonographics (?) USA 1980 (?)) Coulda fooled me ? Excellent primitive punk/chug/diy from Noo Yak City! Who woulda thunk? Somewhere between "Pink Flag" and Fuck Off Records.

18. Homosexuals -You Are Not Moving The Way You Are Supposed To (Black Noise UK 1980 (?)) An untouchable band, and the lack of a retrospective isn't much of a crime in this house (I have lots of their records snicker snicker snicker) but in other people's houses it sure is. As if Gang of Four would've been any good, as if Wire would've immersed themselves in dub, as if indeed. Parallel universe chart toppers indeed. We all know that there is at least one world out there in the ultra-cosmos where the proverbial kids are kicking these jams daily. A truly inspired and inspiring record..[The Homosexuals -Astral Glamour 3CD]

19. Cindy and the Barbi Dolls -Press The Shutter EP (A Not Major Production UK 1980) Dorm angst at its very best. Dark, brooding overtly romantic without gothing it up, these jams have the same lurking power as the pre-Joy Division Warsaw EP or the spookier first line up Soft Boys tracks. A possible sister band to Beyond the Implode in the sense that they play a curiously British form of psychedelic music in the midst of the DIY lack of musical chops. This Cornwall band were seemingly very hip to musical peers, thanking the Desperate Bicycles, the Mekons and Ralph and the Ponytails on the sleeve. There are musical (and one lyrical) nod to the Kinks "Village Green Preservation Society" as well. A very good thing. [Messthetics #7]

20. Versatile Newts -Newtrition (Shanghai Records UK 1980) If this record hadn't existed we would've had to invent it: The marriage/blend of the Swell Maps, This Heat and the TV Personalities. In equal chunks with no lumps. Gadzooks! [Messthetics #103]

21. Pink Dirt -Hey Sir (No label Norway 1979) As far as inept, crazed joi de vivre goes ? Here's the acme. I've written this one up before and will do it again. While this is obviously a straight-ahead angry punk rock band, the abandon and enthusiasm of this record could raise the dead. An angry rant against organized religion ("I have this to say tonight ? never, never get involved with christianity!") howled in a barely English Johnny Rotten-imitation by some Norwegian genius backed by shitrock more primitive than the first Endless Boogie rehearsal. There is no sleeve, no labels, just the legend "Pink Dirt Hey Sir/Hooker" scrawled in magic marker. Who were these gods and why did they walk among us? Please email me if you know anything about the people behind this stunning art experience.

22. Scrotum Poles -Revelation EP (One Tone Records Scotland 1980) Helicopter Honeymoon is going to be played at least three record collector funerals I know of, not including mine. The mighty, mighty Scrotum Poles, proudly proclaiming "DIY! We love the TV Personalities" on the shoddy, xeroxed sleeve. Their website (http://home.switchboard.com/hornstreet) is highly recommended, though we're hesitant to vouch for its complete veracity. Here's how they tell it: "'Pick the Cats Eyes Out' featured lyrics found on the back of a set list by one of the first Dundee punk bands, Bread Poultice and the Running Sores..." [Somebody please send us a demo tape!] "Helicopter Honeymoon," meanwhile, came from a headline "in the Sunday Post." What we should add for American fans is that "cats eyes" are what Brits (and Scots) call those little orange reflectors embedded in highway pavement: "Cats Eyes Out Ahead" used to be a common roadside sign. [Messthetics Greatest Hits and Messthetics #105]

23. File Under Pop -Corrugate (Rough Trade UK 1979 (?)) Godlike DIY power. Primitive grunting, out of tune skeletal instrumentation and noises recorded at Heathrow. I know a guy with an extra copy who'll swap it for Butchy Butch and the Butch Butchers.

24. Nancy Sesay and the Melodaires -C'est Fab (It's War Boys UK 1981 (?)) Un-musical, un-punk and possibly unpleasant music hall-esque skronk/DIY by the godlike Homosexuals using one of their myriad of pseudonyms. And whence you can't imagine the doofus art wank getting any more unlistenable, they spin on a dime and throw in a beautiful chorus sitting on top of a backwardsy funky drummer beat. I am, as per usual, in awe. Shall I hook some enterprising young bootlegger up with a CDR of all their stuff?

25. Performing Ferret Band -Brow-Beaten (Dead Hippy Records UK 1981) Deeply moving primitive musical fumble from this rare 45 by the masters behind the in my mind most seminal LP to come out of DIY. The eponymous Performing Ferret Band LP, which features jaw-droppers such as "Plastic Macho Man", "Fizzly Drinks" or "Great Duos Of Our Time". Fantastic over-enthusiastic juvenilia of an almost supernatural beauty. The Performing Ferrets - no one told us CD (Messthetics #216)

26. Different Eyes/Royston - Shish EP (Tuzmadoner Records UK 1979) One of the two masterpieces released on the Tuzmadoner label (the other being a 12" comp entitled, uh, "folk music" bringing up more parallels to skiffle that we should probably choose to ignore). Royston are like Flanagan & Allen fronting the world's greatest shit rock band. Different Eyes sound more lethargic than anyone else I've heard I think, and I used to work for Pavement's label. Simon Gilham from either Royston or the 'Eyes later played in Colin Newman's solo band. [Royston -Messthetics Greatest Hits and #1; Different I's -Messthetics #101 (plus their even better track from Folk Music)]

27. Homosexuals -Hearts In Exile (Black Noise UK 1978) Words fail me. As far as beauty goes, this is like Mozart or Shirley Collins. Probably their greatest moment. Somewhere along the lines of Brill Building and traditional UK folk and the Upsetters and ESP Records all at once in perfect harmony. A milestone, I think, and a record that I'd place in a timecapsule of 20th century folk art.[The Homosexuals -Astral Glamour 3CD]

28. Andrew Klimek -Felt Hammer (Mustard Records USA 1979) The guitar break alone sends this one soaring over the sky scrapers. Has that patented and most beautiful basement 4-track sound down pat even though I get more and more convinced that all those legendary Cleveland bands all were record collector rock of the umpteenth degree. Extraordinarily self-aware, sly and with meticulously thought out records, this one being no exception. The pompous liner notes on the sleeve of the 45 proves me right. You got to be some kind of Apples in Stereo-type shmuck to brag on a record sleeve that you put the bass guitar through a ring modulator.

29. Mekons -Never Been In A Riot (Fast Records UK 1978) Way before they became icky hippy-punk icons for aging counter culture types across the world they released a couple of singles of gorgeous nihilist slop. This is the first, and the funniest and the noisiest.

30. Jelly Babies -De Nada EP (No label name UK 1981) Simply heaven. A clumsy speed-chug with lyrics about a day of roller-skating and lovely pre-pubescent boozy backing vocals. Genius. Extra-tinny sound, extra passionate execution. I've quoted this portion of the notes on the (shoddy xerox, natch) sleeve: "Recorded at Dirt Cheap Studios, the best studios in the whole wide world by Grant Showbiz, the most silly person in the whole wide world, who steals your food and has a nice red guitar with a super tremelo arm which somebody gave him." Like Blake, the words transcend space, time and mortality. You need this record. Crunchy granola collectors should also note that I have personally seen at least five different (shoddy xerox) picture sleeves for this record where the priority can be determined with relative accuracy using the carbon 14 method. [one from the EP is coming on London v.III: another song from the EP demos appears on Messthetics Greatest HISS (Messthetics #110)

31. Thin Yoghurts -Girl On the Bus (Lowther Street Runner Records UK 1980) More sing-a-longa-slop-charm. You can take the limey out of the music hall but you can't Cute, touching and romantic lyrics about lusting over some tasty lassie on the bus to the kippers factory. They did this record as well as a cassette, which is a hundred bucks in your sweaty palm, if you send it to me. [Messthetics Greatest Hits]

32. Lucky Pierre -This Could Be The Night (No label USA 1984 (?)) Scuzzy, phenomenal art-rant by some Ohio Bowie-boy who'd re-record these musical chairs of Chain Gang, Klaus Nomi and cocaine freebase ten years later for Trent Reznor's label adding a "industrial dance beat" to the mess and changing the band name to Prick. Supposedly (some record-log-pincher told me) there were only 50 copies pressed for Lucky Pierre to use as record deal bait (also the reason that the lyrics are etched on the flip together with a ten second excerpt of the song). Well, I guess it worked. I seem to recall seeing a video for the re-recorded version on MTV during ol' Pierre's 15 seconds in the spotlight. The awe-inspiring power of this record remains tho'.

33. Skabb -78 EP (Mistlur Sweden 1978) Track 2 side one is jaw-dropping Opus-style DIY-crunch punk with Kriminella Gitarrer-guitar breaks. I can't believe this isn't a hotly pursued record by herd-following punk rock turd-swallowers round the globe. Fantastic slop-o-rama-lama-fa-fa-fa production too.

34. V/A -Angst In My Pants double EP (Street Level UK 1979) Imagine how good the previous 33 records on this list are, as I guarantee by risk of punishment of rock writer hyperbole, that this is doubtlessly one of the finest records I've ever heard, and the second greatest compilation in the history of rock! How can I say this wonders Rutger the Punk from his bedroom in Krakow ? Well the proof is in the pudding: Not only does the record include some of the finest recorded moments by the legendary Instant Automatons (who unknowingly channel the Monks!), 012 and the Door and the Window, but furthermore a rare vinyl appearance by the Digital Dinosaurs, heralded by me, Mario and Geoffrey in that most smug sort of way as unheralded gods of music! If that ain't enough you get some fine TVP-related spurts from the Missing Persons and extremely do it yourself DIY frenzy from the Midnight Circus. Who in "Silicone Baby" and "Hedonist Jive" have out-poignanted a tow-truck full of Aimee Mann's and Michelle Shocked's edgy humanity and funny as shit to boot. [Digital Dinsaurs and Instant Automatons are on Messthetics Greatest Hits: Midnight Circus have their own CD...And there's more on Deleted/Street Level at the Instant Automatons website]

35. Pleemobielz -Dagenlang Balen (Kamikaze Records Holland 1981) More sociological sloganeering a la Midnight Circus here: Dagenlang Balen which needlessly translates as "fuck all day" roars through the speakers with all the might of a bunch of over-testosteroned 16 year old virgins singing about what they think it'll be like to have sex some day. Tinniest sound in history. When a copy finally showed up on my doorstep after the fucking (literally!) record had spent a solid 10 years on my want list my expectations were quite low since anyone I had talked to who had heard the record all stated that it was weak/a waste of time etc. Well: It being a want list staple has more to do with the scarcity of the disc than it being a desirable punk rock record. However: It is an extremely desirable record if frenzied DIY bliss is your chosen poison.

36. Just Urbain -Guns & Guitars (No label Australia 1979) Another amazing DIY record from Australia, this one definitely sports a spiritual kinship with SPK, the Slugfuckers, the first Thought Criminals record, and those Systematics and Tactics records I need to find. Very dark, scuzzy art-damaged DIY that (a la Cabaret Voltaire or early SPK) is well aware of the fine krautrock musics coming out of Germany on Ohr or Sky a few years previously. The proto punk of say Neu or Cosmic Jokers is here handled with poisonous skronky passion.

37. The Gags -Sex Ist Schau (Leg Auf Records Germany 1981) And then one has to simply wonder if the belly laughs generated by this piece of vinyl have racist connotations: How much are we allowed to laugh at the Germans? This might be the stiffest record I've heard. The vocals lyrical bark manages to reanimate Basil Fawlty's classic performance in the "Germans" episode as well as the Sprockets. The jams are crazed. Stiff, yes, but crazed.

38. Desperate Bicycles -Smokescreen (Refill Records UK 1977) Their debut, more aggressive than a lot of the other classics and maybe it was the year. This is the 45 that launched hundreds of others: Two songs on one side to save mastering costs, the cheapest packaging, music that had to be documented, and it didn't matter if it was done in the cheapest and easiest way imaginable. [Messthetics #8]

39. Butter Utter -Jävlarnas Jul (Leonid Breznjev Records Swe 1977) Took me ages to find this one. Extremely inept, Shaggs-like fumble with a certain Je Ne Sais Qui of punk rock aggression. A lot of Killed by Death-types paid a lot of moola for this one, that some guy hyped to the moon in a Boston straight-edge fanzine back in the 80's. Only truly "punk" in the musical disaster sense of the word.

40. Cut-Outs -DIY (EMI UK 1979) Great novelty pop monster complete with carpentry noises. Possibly not a DIY record at all, but since the genre is made up by people like me this is a DIY record cuz I sez so. [NOT on Messthetics #7]

41. Massmedia ? EP (Massproduktion Swe 1979) Debut sloppiness from future KBD mainstays. There is no discernable musical ability to be found on this record and yet they play and play and play. The energy level is however awe-inspiring.

42. Dagens Ungdom -EP (Mistlur Swe 1980) Having an art school wank with Dagens Ungdom. Brilliant faux-DIY released on one of the major noo wave era indie labels of Sweden, home of Ebba Gron. All songs have titles nabbed from Kafka books, lyrics are more adjective heavy than a tub full o' Morrisey and the music is flawless DIY stumble n' fumble.

43. The Discounts -Selling Records (Original Records UK 1980) Blank 1000-yard stare DIY novelty straight out of High Fidelity. The lyric is a monologue as by a bored-to-tears record store clerk. The jams are sub-sub-sub-Blockheads DIY stumble. Extremely amusing.

44. Grinder Wickford's So Boring -EP (Wax Records UK 1979) Forget punk rock, bring in hick-rock! The aliases of the band read: "Dav-Id, Si-Kic, Terry-Ball, Stu-Pid and Holy-Grail"!. Three band members have moustaches! The singer is wearing a Rocky Horror t-shirt! The a-side is a "humorous" ditty about the acne problem of Spiderman, reflecting the sleeve front depicting some fool in a Spiderman costume driving a tractor, The b-side is an anti-fuzzy dice song. Genius. It is obvious to me that Wickford wasn't boring at all as long as you hung out with the bold gents of Grinder. The songs range from primitive clunky riff-rock to DIY jangle of the highest order. Messthetics #101

45. Psykik Volts -Totally Useless (Ellie Jay Records UK 1979) More Music Hall-punk DIY genius. The spirit of Vivian Stanshall is looming large; as is the empty pint glasses littering the room as this 45 is stuck on repeat. All together now: "It's to-tal-ly useless"!! The sleeve bears the legend: "Side A: recorded in a sock, Side B: recorded in a morgue. May god bless vocalist and songwriter Victor Vendetta. Now pardon me while I go to the corner and cry.

46. Raisinets -More Fun To Play Than To Listen To (Fun-Ethic Records USA 1979) Fantastic record-collector hippie-punk a la Gizmos/Afrika Korps/Half Japanese. Primitive guitar duets complete with questionable production values and mucho muchacho helpings of pure static. Great post-arrest pre-OD lyrics making fun of Sid too.

47. Dag Vag -Dimma (Ball Records Swe 1978) Two years after this record was released, Dag Vag were playing new wave-scented white-boy reggae to sell-out crowds all over Sweden. This, however, is a one-man band bedroom project by a Träd Gräs & Stenar roadie who had discovered punk rock and the DIY scene. Beautiful dark/sinister home studio atmospherics, killer fuzz guitar and demented lyrics about psychiatric care and drug experiences. A great record. And by all means: Don't buy any other Dag Vag records after you've obtained this one.

48. I Jog & the Tracksuits - Redbox (Tyger Label UK 1978) More lost artform unique stumble-rumble from the UK. Sounds like it was recorded under water this one. A petty miracle of a pop tune with a sublime lyric about waiting for the bus. Gotta bless em for the stamina it takes to get a record out: Recording, Mixing, Mastering, Designing, Printing, Approving, Distributing, Balancing. All to get a little song about missing the bus heard by me 22 years later.

49. Injections -Prison Walls (Radioactive Records USA 1980) This has always been an extremely desired and expensive record in KBD/Japanese Tasty/Moustache circles, and it doubtlessly deserves its inflated price tag even though we aren't talking chainsaw-buzz punk rock per se here.

50. Devils Hole Gang -Free The People (Slow Burning Fuse Records UK 1979) Huge moustaches, huge choruses, and a record that sounds like it was recorded inside one of those Moroccan hotel showers that basically consist of a huge tube of aluminum siding. My pretentious nature is such that I feel forced to unleash the folk art metaphor for this again. If your friendly neighborhood rare record dealer charges you a couple of C-notes for this and you feel like your being had for big G's by the sleaze, then remember that you are investing in art, not buying a record!!

51. Funboy Five -Life After Death (Cool-Cat Daddy-O Records UK 1980) A pure pop record indeed, but where pricey production values would've turned this into a memorable Stiff Records 45, the band's lack of bucks and resulting throwaway/enthusiasm production and energy has created a masterpiece. Both sides are stalwarts for a neighborhood sing-song or a rousing music hall chorus. Punk rock music hall: A genre waiting to happen again! [Messthetics #101]

52. How To Get Rich In Rotterdam - Dapper Dan (Vormgeving Rotterdam Records Netherlands 1981) Brilliant, plodding art-slop that reeks of inside jokedom. This record is a reason unto itself to pay ebay prices for vintage drum machines.

53. Come -Come Sunday (Come Organization UK 1979) Before William Bennett became the Benny Hill of industrial noise, his band Whitehouse were called Come and released a single and an album which both are quite lovely homemade art-dirge crankiness, a friendly psychedelic kind of crankiness indeed.

54. The Riotous Brothers -Vicki's Dancing (Riotous Records 1980) How all these disparate bands came up with a sound this cohesive is a mystery to me. Any of the hints handed to us through fanzines and interviews only mess things up further: Yes, anyone could form a band, make a record, start a record label indeed. Where it gets weird is why so many of them harbor a similar tinny guitar sound, cardboard-y drums, messy synths, inept recording techniques, smart-assed lefty lyrics and nasal singing tone. This was not a movement. It was just a bunch of stuff that happened. That's all. This record has the beautiful simplicity of a Shaker chair or a Maine seafood soup. The swanky speedpunk of "Operation Zero" or the plink-a plunk-a guitar solo on "Emotional Cripple" will some day have their own wing at the Victoria and Albert museum. Make my art primitive!

55. Partizans -Goods (A-Noyz Records UK 1980) Chain Gang's retarded English cousins. Ace!!

56. Amor Fati -Economics 100 (Yuck/Flesh Records USA 1984 (?) Very angry anti-r&r/anti-big-business slightly tongue in cheek rant that shows spiritual kinship to "Rat City" by the Art Attacks. Vertical Slit/V-3. The odd blend of wanting in, wanting to play the game and wanting to stay the fuck away that is symptomatic for a lot of Ohio underground musicians (Shepard, Hummel, House etc.)

57. Desperate Bicycles -Skill (Refill Records UK 1978) Blazing DIY-shuffle and unmistakenly Bicycles. More pro production which has this one slip further down the list. Still godlike though.

58. Sarah Coffman -Titta Jag Ar Död (Konkurrenz Rekårdz Sweden 1980) Excellent primitive shit-rock by band from my hometown!

59. Hornsey At War -Deadbeat Revival EP (War Product UK 1979) Extremely amusing ultra-sloppy DIY. No discernable production values, sound-as-filtered-through-ground-beef, emotionally charged out-of-tune vocals, crackly guitar (broken cable?) and a true aura of dead end yobs (and jobs) instead of the more common middle class art school vibe as prevailing on most DIY records. Hornsey At War are complaining about English radio too: "They won't play this record on the radio because it poses a threat!" Here tis again: That charming blend of hubris and defeatist that seems to penetrate the psyches of most people involved in underground music and/or collectors of it.

60. Take It -How It Is (Fresh Hold UK 1979) Stunning out of control DIY/noise not unlike a more frenzied Soft Boys, a more good Gang of Four or a less psychotic SPK. Igor and Simon seem like a couple of gents with some hardcore political and intellectual pursuits, and like the Desperate Bicycles before them I sense that the choice of releasing a noisy cheaply recorded 45 with a xerox cover was an act of some sort of political defiance, back in the day where such an act was not co-opted from the ground up by extreme sports and Wall Mart hair dye. [Messthetics Greatest Hits and Messthetics #2]

61. Rough Cuts EP (Z-Block Records UK 1980) Inspired sampler of four bands (The Boywonders, The Ghoulies, The Czechs and the Decadent Few) two of which tell us their age on the cover (The Boywonders are all 16, The Czechs are all 17). Humbling thought that such musical spirit could be mustered at such a tender age. Great variety of flavors too: The Boywonders great inept, spooky DIY strut where the band might think that a reggae influence is prevailing, us knowing that the stumbleblock shuffle bears more resemblance to ancient Celtic airs, the unbearable beauty of the Czechs utter disregard of tone, meter and signatures or the Ghoulies oddly Booker T-esque chug n' scrape. The business, all and all. [Boywonders and Czechs on Messthetics #104: The Z-Block Story is here]

62. The Petticoats -Normal (Bla-Bla-Bla Records UK 1980) Ripping good-kind-feminist anti-normalcy rant. Spiritually uplifting in a way not dissimilar to first-hand experience of medieval church architecture, I shit you not. Recorded at Street Level which means that this record is Fuck Off Records related.

63. Reducers -We Are Normal (Vibes Product UK 1978) The sub genre Geoff Weiss-punk is hereby coined to describe this record. High-energy ineptitude. There is a strange kinship to the Pink Fairies/Deviants axis on this record ? A similarity in energy and attack, notwithstanding that the Reducers really don't know how to play their instruments very well. [Messthetics #1]

64. Il Ya Volkswagens - Kill Myself (Mechanical Reproductions UK 1981) One more year in the rehearsal space for these guys and I wouldn't be writing this. Discernable elements of gothrock and Bauhaus influence can be noticed as a faint vapor in this aural air to speak it in goth-speak, the crunch of the slightly sour guitar, the plodd of the (genius) bass line and the all-in slouch of the lethargic vocalist and the cracked-everyday electronics elevates this dirge into an 18 carat DIY-cruncher.

65. Quite Ridiculous Nonsense -Identity Crisis (No Label USA 1984) Most ace industrial wank of that rare late 70's variety. Wildly entertaining experiments in four track flatulence and transistor radio static.

66. Pervers/Deutscher Abschaum split 7" (Suff Productions Germany 1984) The Godhead. Reminds me of Teddy and the Fratgirls or the Foams in the sense that one gets the notion that these must have been fun gals to hang out with or date. The timeless splendor of the arty urban misfit girl: Her goofy charm and no-holds-barred enthusiasm for all that she found weird, interesting or sexually appetizing. A toast to the art school weirdo outcast girls of the world: May they forever paint their room black or read Hermann Hesse to you in bed! The music is wild, out of control amateuristic slop goes from Electric Eels fuzzed out haterock to drumkits thrown down the stairs to minimal teen-angst and then back. Beautiful stuff. Got this in trade from Thurston Snore for some boring free jazz records back in the day. What a chump!

67. The Prats -Disco Pope (Rough Trade UK 1979) 15-year old Scottish schoolboy punks seething with rage over the demon disco. Early Downliners Sect-style one chord R&B shuffle complete with the drum breaks that made God decide not to spare humanity. Don't miss it!

68. Plast -EP (Stranded Rekords Swe 1979) Four song EP of the finest in teenage punks attempting to embrace the confusion in their head from listening to TG, Cabaret Voltaire and Pere Ubu. An ungodly racket where the hostility of the chosen sounds meets the cozy ineptitude of the random noises. Plenty of short-wave noises and the crappiest of synths. Utterly charming.

9. Raincoats -Fairytale in the Supermarket (Rough Trade UK 1979) All enthusiasm/zero chops Ubu-esque DIY-charm from these stunning ladies. This is the best of their many records. Some kinda CD anthology that I can't find right now was released in the USA on the basis of Kurt Cobain being a big fan.

70. Tone Deaf and the Idiots -Why Does Politics Turn Men Into Toads? (Blue Angel UK 1979) Tone Deaf and the Idiots how do I love thee. This flexi is taken from their debut album Catastrophe Rock which still stands alongside the Damian & the Criterions "Avant Garde", Alvaro's Drinking My Own Sperm and Kräldjursanstalten's Voodoo Boogie as peerless monuments of original thought as far as late 70's underground albums are concerned. Catastrophe rock indeed. This is what "Music from the Big Pink" would've sounded like if it had been performed by the Portsmouth Sinfonia.

71. Desperate Bicycles -Grief Is Very Private (Refill UK 1980) One of the mighty Bicycles more introspective and subtle moments. Their entire recorded output is well worth hearing, and the range of emotions they paint from their palate quite astounding.

72. Door and the Window -I Like the Sound (NB Records UK 1979) One of many brilliant anti-music art school rants by the grand old daddies of the very genre. They like sound, they don't like the Pop Group, they like noise (um yeah!), they don't like butter The list goes on and I can't say that I reached any enlightenment as such by the end of this demented scratchy noise-fumble. But the journey sure was great.

73. Slugfuckers -Instant Classic (PRS Australia 1979) Homosexuals-y whiteguy funk/noise fracture that Liquid Liquid would've been pretty stoked about. Screeching scrape and dumb jokey asides. Who could ask for anything more?

74. Happy Cadavers -Nothing New (Undefined Records UK 1982) Punk/wave slop from the Midwest ? kind of aims for the Stranglers but hits Small Wonder Records. Charming stuff. Give me a fake English accent any day.

75. The Reflections - 4 Countries (Cherry Red UK 1981) Coulda been by the Desperate Bicycles this: stop/start gurgling plodding slop with most excellent Mark P. whining on top. Patented Karl Blake crumble-o-rific drumming not to mention the ambience added by the illustrious Nag of Door and the Window celebrity status. The Reflections album is well worthy of your grease as well as it is more of the same DIY-gunk but with a more contempo Recommended Records-type sound. [Messthetics #1]

76. Reacta -Stop the World (Battery Operated Records UK 1979) Another one that demands the Desperate Bicycles as cultural cookie cutter ? A beautiful ramble with the edgy guitars of Hilton Bomber-Thought Criminals.[Messthetics Greatest Hits]

77. Crash Action Winners - Hurricane Fighter Plane (Sonic International UK 1979) Somewhere in this mess of static and filtered mud are the chord-change(s) of "Hurricane Fighter Plane". The sleeve hints at the band being American, the sounds point straight in the direction of an English middle class art school, and the record cover furthermore defines them as a bunch of record collectors to boot. Not only is a Roky Erickson tune given the same crap-o-riffic sonic treatment, but the shoddy crumb-bum picture sleeve showcases record covers by the Seeds, the 13th Floor Elevators, Russ Meyer and Question Mark and the Mysterians displayed in tasteful collage form. Messthetics #104

78. The Plastic Mechanical Pig -Book Brains (IX Recording Company Japan 1981) Tricky one here, Ricky and Paul, the two guys on the cover of the PMP 45, look like a couple of student teachers and the record sounds like a couple of student teachers recorded a Raisinets/Half Japanese hybrid on a primitive 4 track. Charming record this, with two folky DIY-punk cuts, but why on earth was it released in Japan?

79. V/A - Mell Square Musick EP (Yaw Records UK 1979) I've listened to this record a good dozen times or so, and my jaw still drops. Frenzied homemade punk where the energy could light up a medium-size town. Similar to the Tandstickorshocks, Seems Twice or Red Cross "Born Innocent" LP in its instinctive disregard for notes, chords and melody, the Accused or the 021 are more than deserving of particularly exquisite golden wings in the halls of the Valhalla of Amateurism. I bow my head. [Cracked Actor Messthetics #7; Accused and 021 - Messthetics #103]

80. Tandstickorshocks - Allan Vogalan (King Kong Records Holland 1980) The Dutch Puritan Guitars right here, it is almost spooky how similar the sound of the two bands is. Spinning these 45's makes me wonder if this music somehow managed to sidestep rock & roll and the black music tradition as a core influence. There is something about the Tandstickorshocks which at the same time manages to remind me of Schoenberg, microtonal composers and Irish tin-whistle folk music. This is, needless to say, evidence that I should get out more often, but also that these slices of true-life counterculture juvenilia are not isolated from a cultural context, but embracers of it. Even if it did take a couple of decades for these records to be collected in some kind of organized manner. The kids in Tandstickorshocls must have been aware of Wire and the Young Marble Giants, but the minimal primitive music they create is original in the same manner as the artists on Pat Conte's "Secret Museum of Mankind" compilations.

81. Foams - Paint Me (Pet Me Quick Records USA 1981) A classic of sorts. Frenzied, inept live recordings by this all-girl Austin Texas punk band. The only way that I can explain the similarities to the Slits or the Raincoats are that gals sure have a different way of looking at things, or at least playing drums. Great smutty lyrics and barky art-school vox too.

82. SST -Clutch On the Ward (Tidal Wave Records USA 1977) Super-inept hippie punk/DIY from California with lotsa early punk scenesters name-checked on the sleeve. Ted Falconi pre-Flipper on guitar.

83. The Simple Approach to Newtown Products EP (NTP Records UK 1980) My approach was to pay the inflated price the dealer was asking and happily walk home with this great record. 4 songs, four bands: Crimedesk are toilet-recorded DIY-slop, Basic Unit must be the most amateuristic goth band I've ever heard, Beat Necessity showcase only the finest in tuneless death-dirge with off-key howling and Story So Far is an awesome Joy Division/Factory Records attempt, but with no discernable musical talent. Needless to say, the whole EP is as charming as the day is long.

84. Hörförståelse -Förläst Jävel (CTR Sweden 1980) Demented art skronk of drums, bass and crap keyboards featuring out of tune vocals regurgitating about someone being an over-educated bastard. Perfect, really. A must for fans of primitive shit music.

85. What To Wear - Casual But Smart EP (Basic and Typical Records UK 1980 (?)) Inspired stumble as an attempt to play dub, The Homosexuals can do it ? These guys can't. I don't know if this given failure brought about something new, but this record is a very listenable stab at atmosphere by a DIY band with limited budget and equipment. The flip also contains a couple of amazing speed-pop DIY-rambles. [ Messthetics #104]

86. Contact -Future (Object Music UK 1979) An avantfied klutz by a band who probably wanted to be Tubeway Army one thinks as one gazes upon the sleeve. They move from sloppy pro-rock attempts to full-on art-noise to excellent DIY jingle and jangle. One of many excellent items on the Object label. [ Messthetics #106 and Messthetics #7]

87. Good Missionaries -Deranged in Hastings (Unnormality Records UK 1979) A great stop/start hiccup with the patented GM/ATV tinny guitars and peripheral production. What makes this stand out is that barely concealed aggression, like a slow fuse or something.

88. The Potent Human EP (L'Aventure Records UK 1980) I maintain, and not only because of my middle class lifestyle, that the Bathroom Renovations is the greatest band name in the history of rock. This EP is a four out of four winner. Brilliant DIY fumble from The Mekon (no relation), The Liggers , The Spurtz and the ultra-wah-wah power of the Bathroom Renovations. Let me type that again: Bathroom Renovations. [Liggers: Messthetics #106]

89. Disco Zombies -Here Comes the Buts (Dining Out Records UK 1980) This is my favorite of their three spectacular singles. Thw thuick brogue of an accent blends in a most interesting way with the crappy guitar and dull throb of the melody line or the voluptous Steve Severin-style bass line.

90. Record Players -Double C Side EP (Wreckord Records UK 1978) The Record Players came from Kent, which mustered a bit of a mod scene a couple years later, but otherwise wasn't much of a factor in the punk (or DIY) world. Here they've mustered up an anti-MOR rant with a chorus that comes off kind of, eh, MOR-sounding. Imagine the classic DIY trashing, bashing and gnashing, but with one big ol' chorus, and the most obvious bridge you'll ever hear. "Ignore Us" on the flip is self-defeatist art that'll piss all over any Magnetic Fields as far as smug self-hatred goes. "It's just one thing you gotta do if you want to move along, ignore the music and ignore this song ? Ignore us and we might go away". How about that. [Messthetics #1]

91. Boys and Girls Come Out and Play EP (Boys and Girls Records UK 1980) Might be a grade school project this one, and not an art school project. Bands like the Human Cabbages, The Profile and The Famous Five are very young sounding. The fragile beauty of these tunes remind me of the UK Voice of the People anthologies of field recordings of folk songs. The purity, private nature of the songs and homemade-ness makes for a truly intimate, moving listening experience. The people on this record should be proud of this slice of juvenalia 20-odd years later.[Profile -Messthetics #103 -also a Human Cabbages song]

92. False Idols -Ego Wino (Old Knew Wave Records UK 1980) Paul Morotta's unknown English nephews. This could be a Poli Styrene Jass Band outtake. Great, spazzy DIY with jazzy chording and great, supressed aggression.

93. Bandage -Republik (Bandage Records Sweden 1978) Seems as if the average age of the band members is 16 or so, and that the mere existence of this record points to the purest and most blissfully unaware state of do it yourself: Some kids in a suburb of Stockholm getting turned on by punk rock and the notion of releasing their own record. The four songs are all fuzzed out riff rock, not unlike say, the Crucified EP, but the poor quality of recording, sound separation, levels and what have you is why the record is mentioned on this list. Not that any of that was done on purpose, mind you, for any DIY-ethic of sorts. Necessity and gratification and all that good stuff.

94. 49 Americans -Big Value (NB Records UK 1979) Another hidden Fuck Off Records release? The 49 Americans certainly moved in the same circles, and furthermore share plenty of aesthetic choices with Danny and the Dressmakers or the Instant Automatons. This record consists of 14 short blasts of fuzz punk meets art wank and is absolutely brilliant.

95. Gods Gift -925 (New Market Records UK 1979) Three tuneless tunes of the finest in fuzzed-out death-dirge DIY-slop. Kilslug jamming with the Door and the Window.[Messthetics #106]

96. Mud Hutters -Declaration EP (Defensive Records UK 1979) Mud Hutters ? Information EP (Dead Good Records UK 1979) Truly original band this. Somewhere in a Heartwork Records/Rock In Opposition neighborhood, but with a real Safe As Milk-crunch. There are psych elements on both these records, moments of blistering punk rock, and a generous infusion of the Desperate Bicycles (or Thought Criminals) ethics and esthetics. Fantastic records, and mandatory listening for any fan of the underground music of the late 70's era. Unfortunately, their subsequent album isn't great. By that time the band got Gang of Four damage.[ Messthetics #106: a track from their first EP is on Messthetics Greatest Hits]

97. Horrible Nurds -Consuming Passion (Half Wombat Records UK 1980) Oddly enough, this record sounds a hell of a lot like early Problem (Sweden) on the a-side, with the b-side being Tim Rose backed by ATV in a fantastic art-rock/DIY howler In that lost art form kind of way.

98. Reptile Ranch -Animal Noises EP (Z Block Records UK 1980) Thinking Fellers Union Local 282 (one of the most under-rated bands of the last 15 years says I and ponder an upcoming UT article) are here channeled way before they even were formed by some UK art school kids. Fantastic Beefheart-y R.I.O-hybrid DIY. Passionate, crude and obnoxious, sending this record to the top shelf of any record room! [Messthetics Greatest Hits]

99. Freiwillige Selbstkontrolle - EP (Zick Zack Records Germany 1980) Ace generic DIY/punk that could've been at home on an early Rough Trade 45.

100. The Rutto - Ei Paluuta (Ikbals Records Finland 1983) Figured I'd seal the circle with this one: A record as stupendous as "Medium Was Tedium" and as prominently throwing all the weight of the DIY-aesthetic on us, the listeners. The Rutto seem to be your 1983 run-of-the-mill small town punk rockers, and this 45 is generic, frantic buzzsaw guitar 2-chord punk. The magic with this one, however, is that in between the choca-blocks of teen nihilism is a noticeable sense of wonder and joi de vivre oozing thru' the grooves, or maybe I am just getting old and sentimental. Thanks for reading.

[houseofglass]

Supernatural: the cheesy season

Okay, we’re halfway through the last season of Supernatural and I feel like it’s time for me to weigh in on it. There’ve been a lot of posts about how disappointed people are, or how they feel like the returning characters are a waste of time, and how awful the story line seems to be.

Whelp. Buckle up, I’ma gonna give you my lovely opinion. Some stuff I like, some I don’t, and some I’m really neutral about.

First: returning characters. I don’t mind this at all. I like seeing how some have evolved (looking at you, Becky) and how some were in the early seasons and are now playing a similar part this season. The return of Garth was nice. I don’t catch all the returners, but some of you do and point them out. If I could remember who you are, I’d give you a shout out to reminding us which episode/season the actor appeared on first, but I don’t, sorry. I think Supernatural should include as many returning bit-part actors as possible, just because it’s cool to watch.

As for regular characters, I loved Alexander Calvert’s portrayal of Belphegor and was mucho saddo to see him dead. I wanted more of his sass. Lots more. Sigh, I miss Crowley.

Second: set design. I’ve noticed the return of some things, like the motel room divider, and I love that! More please. Bring back sets that aren’t the bunker or Baby, bring back cluttered living rooms like Bobby’s, bring back a seedy motel, bring back a rough bar. The show has evolved to look very soap-opera-y: clean lines, organized set, everything in its place. This isn’t a bad thing, shows evolve and change, but it’s a nice callback to see a set that resembles the early seasons when things were messier, grittier, and more working-class.

Third: the plot. I mean....Chuck as the Big Bad, I can accept that. Sure. But, he’s, like, God. Normally, in a game or movie if someone has god-mode that means they’re basically indestructible. I don’t know how our boys are going to resolve this or bring it to a satisfying conclusion and still maintain that Chuck is all-powerful. When the finale of season 14 presented Chuck as the One To Vanquish I immediately decided how I was going to watch this last season. More on that later.

Fourth: Jensen and Jared’s performances. Jared has done an excellent job in keeping Sam consistent. Truly excellent. I don’t particularly love Jared as a person (anyone who plays pranks on people loses points with me, extra points if it’s sexual-based pranks on the job) but he’s a good actor and has done a good job on his, well, job.

Jensen’s acting....is lacking. He’s not as good lately. Actually, he hasn’t been for the past couple of seasons. I’ve wondered if he was ready to move on around season ten and started the wheels moving then. Wheels like getting his beer company off the ground and firmly established so he can have some passive income when the show ends. He’s a bit OTT, notably with the silent communication with Sam when Rowena wanted a drink in episode, uh, I don’t remember. The one with the cheap pink dress she wore. Also with his crying over Cas recently. I get it, he’s sad, but Dean doesn’t break down like that. Only once that I can recall, and he had to set himself up for it (driving to a secluded location alone, finally letting go). I feel like Jensen has lost the core of Dean somewhere, and it’s magnified by how well Jared is performing.

Fifth: Jensen’s audition reel. 15x04 was promoted heavily as directed by Jensen. I expect this and have little/no problem with it. He’s directed before and seems to enjoy it, and it’s the last season, so of course it would be promoted. I don’t have any opinion on his directing style as I don’t know what a good or bad director looks like. But the heavy promotion along with the heavy media presence is getting tiring. I understand, he’s about to be out of work and needs to go job hunting, but it’s wearing thin on me. Like the tap dancing. I watched the episode and thought he wasn’t particularly good at it. DJ Qualls was better, and I thought DJQ had more training and was surprised to learn he didn’t. When I found out they only had two hours’ rehearsal I thought, “yeah, it shows” because it missed the mark. Good attempt though. Nice to highlight Jensen can learn on the fly. I expect to see more of Jensen’s abilities as the episodes wind down. Actually, honestly, it feels desperate to me, but I’m not an actor and I don’t know if other actors do the same thing.

Sixth: showrunning. This entire season could have wrapped up by now. The plot is thin (fight God and win!) and not a lot of information is given in each episode. Instead the episodes wander around and highlight Jensen’s audition reel. The best wrap-up so far is finding out Rowena is the King of Hell. I freaking love that! It wraps up her character arc nicely.

Seventh: oh the cheese. This season is cheesy. Holy moly such cheese. Monsters in hot summer daylight? Oh my. VampChesters? Goodness me. Even that episode where Lilith returns as the girl who falls on the antlers. Man, that poked fun at the boys in a way I enjoyed, but it was still cheesy. Is this new fromage because Chuck is an unreliable narrator? Is this some meta accounting presented as fine Brie? Only time will tell.

Final thoughts: I mentioned above that the season 14 finale helped me choose a pair of glasses to use while viewing the show. Now, I’ve seen many finales in my day. Some I’ve loved and some I’ve hated and some I’ve been left disappointed. So now I understand something this social media generation seems to lack: I have no control over how my favourite character/show will end. No amount of whining, complaining, justifying, yelling, shouting, or cajoling will get the writers/showrunners/actors to do my bidding. Fandom has become toxic in this regard. FFS people, the only reason to contact those people on SM is to say thank you. Nothing more. You have no control or input. Nor do I.

So I sat in front of my TV with my cheesy goggles on and decided, “Fuck it. Fuck it all. I’m gonna taste the cheese this season.” And I have. Although I have complained, like, see above, I’ve also let go of any expectation of the show. It’s too long in the tooth at this point, with too many side characters and too much soap opera makeup (seriously, Dean was lit like a soap opera mistress in a few episodes. Like, wtf?) to take seriously.

So I invite you to enjoy some cheese with me. There are ten episodes left. Just ten. Ten more times to watch my favourite character, Baby, drive across the screen. Ten more times to have a new opportunity to write a coda or fix-it fic. Ten more times to imagine an OTP in a new scenario provided by the writers.

Have a slice of cheese with me. Watch the show with lightheartedness. Wish these actors adieu and expect nothing. We have no control over the ending, and no matter how much it hurts, we will have to say goodbye to Sam and Dean’s adventures at some point. Might as well do it with a smile.

[siriusblackspam]

Healing - Chapter 1

A SIRIUS BLACK FANFIC

Hello everyone! This is the first chapter of a fic I’ve been writing! This one is kind of boring but I had to introduce the story haha also, it will be a long fic with some fluff, some smut, some angst, so please be careful while reading! Smut parts will be marked with “!!!” before it starts. If you notice any mistakes, send me a message please, as English is not my first language. Also, if you prefer oneshots, just send me a request! Hope you like it, lots of love :) 

The cat slid through the common room door, taking advantage of the student that had just opened it to enter. It walked happily but with caution, going through the shadows. Not many students were in the hallways at this time of day, it was almost curfew. It continued along the school and out of the great oak doors in the hall, into the gardens. The day had been sunny, the hot days from the summer giving their last goodbye before autumn, and now, long after sunset, the air was still pleasantly warm, just as any other summer night. Perfect for a night walk, many would say.

One of those many would be Beatrice, who didn´t particularly appreciate the curfew hours of the school. It was a Friday night, why couldn’t she be out of the dorms, if she was of age, if the weather was so inviting and they had nothing to study yet? The first week of school had gone by in a hurry, she could tell the year would be busy, with their N.E.W.T.s on the way, and she wanted to enjoy the free time while she still had it.

Having reached an opening on the forest, near a pathway that led to a little lake, the cat looked around. It could hear no sound besides the occasional owl and could see no one. And so, within a blink of an eye, there was no longer a cat there, but a young girl. She fixed her hair quickly, looked around once more to make sure that no one had seen her, and went down the little path. Ahh, what could be better than listening to the calm sounds of the water at night, no one to bother her but her thoughts. She enjoyed the quiet and the being alone. She loved her friends, but she missed having time to herself, being surrounded 24/7 by people.

While she wrote some stuff on the little notebook she carried with her, focused on some ideas that had come up, she heard noises around her. They were distant but seemed to be getting closer. She listened attentively. It couldn’t be teachers, for their voices seemed rather young, which was a relief. She quickly folded her notebook inside the robe of her school uniform, and transformed back into the grey cat, hiding between the bushes and listening.

“Guys, I really don’t think this is a good idea” she heard one of the people say “It’s just our first week back, we’ll have plenty of time to do stuff all year”

“I have to agree with that” she heard another voice say, and this one she recognized, it was Remus, another 7th year student and a prefect. She met him on the prefect’s carriage at Hogwarts Express back on 5th year, although she had noticed him before, for his group of friends was rather popular. They sometimes did Prefects Duty together, and he was a nice guy, a little awkward but cute. She could only assume that the other voices belonged to the rest of the guys of the group. She did not know them intimately, only from having classes with them, but she knew who they were. James, Sirius and Peter.

“C’mon Moony, it’s our last year at school, we have to take every single opportunity we have to seize the day, create memories, live the dream – “

“Doing stupid stuff, you mean” she heard Remus say again, but she could sense a grin in his tone “Look, you know I’m all for it, but I just don’t think today is the day”

They continued their discussion about their plans, now as close to Beatrice as the main forest road would allow them. She waited patiently for their voices to become distant, so that she could transform again and continue her thinking process, but the voices didn’t seem to move at all. “Dear god, are they just going to stay there chatting all night?” she thought to herself.

While they were still chatting, she climbed the tree so that she could see them just a little, hoping that they would go away soon. However, instead of them going away, she could hear someone else coming along the path. They obviously couldn’t hear it, as her feline audition was far more powerful, but she knew that they would only notice that somebody else, probably a teacher, was coming this way when they had no way of escaping, since they were so focused on their discussion.

She thought for a second. Did she want to ignore them, and possibly let them end up on detention, or did she want to warn them in some kind of way and risk being caught herself?

Sighing, she climbed down the tree and hurried up the path, reaching the main road. She meowed once but they didn’t hear her, so she hissed loudly. They stopped their sentences mid-way and looked at the cat, but as soon as they shut up, they heart the footsteps coming closer, just around the turn. The cat hurried down the path again, considering her mission complete, and they followed her, as they had no place else to hide.

She quickly hid in the bushes again, out of their sight, but she could see them still. They hid clumsily behind the bushes next to her and waited for the footsteps to go away again.

“See, I knew today wasn’t a good day, we were almost caught” said Peter

Sirius tried to insist that they could still have an adventure that night, but the other ones seemed a little less eager “C’mon, not even you James?” he had said, but James said that he too was tired that day from Quidditch Practice and felt like hanging out on the Common Room. So they left soon after that and after making sure no one else was coming that way. Sirius looked around the place a little longer, lingering on the bush where Bea was hiding, but the callings of his friends made him leave just after that, and Beatrice was once again left alone with her thoughts “Finally” she had said.

The next week went by just as fast as the first one. Beatrice still had a lot to study, but she was a good student, and she managed to do her work rather fast. While her friends were still occupied with their essays and homework, she spent a lot of time reading and making notes on her little notebook. Just as she had done last week, Friday night she runned away from the common room and into her little hideout in the forest. It was a moment of the week she valued deeply and the one from last week had been ruined. But just as she thought that at least she could make up for her wasted time on the week before, she heard noises again, a single person this time, and coming directly at the clearing. She quickly transformed, rather annoyed, and sat on the grass, a frown still visible on her cat face.

Through the bushes, dark and big, appeared a big dog and Beatrice wished she hadn’t transformed. “It’s just a dog, stupid” she muttered to herself. She didn’t know that they were dogs on the forest, at least she had not found one yet until this time, but she didn’t really mind. Dogs were good company and she didn’t want to shove him away, as he was only laying near the water, and seemed pretty friendly, despite the long black fur. She moved away from the bush where she sat, as to have enough place to transform into a person again, but as soon as she moved, the dog seemed to notice that she was there and looked at her, with his big black eyes.

Afraid it would attack her, she transformed back within a second and looked at the dog to confirm that it was friendly before coming closer or patting him. She was surprised that, instead of seeing a happy face or an angry one, she saw a rather confused one, as if the dog was wondering what had just happened. And then, the dog disappeared and there was a man in the same place where he was.

She screamed, being caught off guard, and backed away, scared.

“Shhhhh shhh I’m sorry” the man said, worried someone might hear them, while he approached her. She opened your eyes and saw Sirius Black in front of her. “What, what…” Beatrice said, confused.

“Well, I understand the scare, but I don’t get why you are confused, taking into account that you are one as well” he said smugly, and crossed his arms, looking at Beatrice.

She stared at him for another second and then straightened herself, now coming back to her senses and feeling a little embarrassed. “Of course I know” she said, rather stiffly “I just was surprised” Beatrice hesitated. Was he a registered Animagi? Was he going to tell on her?

“I know you are not registered, but I am not as well” he said, seeming to have read her mind. “I just came here for a bit of quiet and then saw you there, I mean, the cat, and then you transformed and I was surprised…”

“How do you know I am not registered?” she asked. “You don’t even know me”

He eyed her with a soft grin on his face, like he wanted to tell her something but decided not to. “No, I don’t” he answered simply “but I know that there is not a single registered Animagi student on this school”

He, of course, didn’t know her properly but she was no strange to him. Of course they had had classes together, and he knew she was an amazing student, but he had only taken more interest in her three years ago, after a Quidditch game. It had been Ravenclaws against Gryffindors, and she was at the door of the changing room waiting for someone while he was waiting for James to go back to the Common Room and celebrate their victory. She was sitting on the bench and he was against the wall, bored and annoyed that James was taking so long to take a shower. As he had nothing to do, he looked at the girl next to him. She had nothing specifically that made her unique, but the mixture of all her features was very pleasing. With dark brown hair, golden eyes and a little scar on her nose he found rather cute. Even with her seated, he could tell she was really tall, as her Ravenclaw uniform showed a little more leg that it intended to show. He knew her last name was Crayford, but nothing besides that.

James didn’t seem to be appearing any time soon, and so he sit on the bench next to the girl and decided to talk to her. She looked up at him while he sat next to her, smiled softly and moved a little to the side as to give him more space, and then returned to her book without a word. He wanted to say hello, but before he could think of a reason to talk to her, a girl, who he recognized as one of the Ravenclaw’s chasers, came out of the changing room with a sour expression, probably from losing the game, waved at her and they left together.

He tried to find her and introduce himself in the next few days, but each time he saw her she was with her group of friends or with her head buried on her books or notebook. But there were lots of pretty girls around the school, lots of girls who seemed much more interested in knowing him than Crayford seemed, because even though she was always perfectly polite with him, casually helping him in Potions Class when nobody was looking or even letting everyone borrow her (amazing) notes, she had never once looked at him with any especial interest, and so he forgot his wish of getting to know her. But it didn’t mean he wouldn’t look at her with some interest every once in a while, in a class or during a game, while she was concentrated or writing with a Muggle pen on her notebook.

He couldn’t say he was sorry to have run into her. She was now prettier than ever, her dark hair even longer, the glasses she wore suited her face perfectly and –

“What?” she said, snapping him out of his reminiscing. He had been staring at her for a few minutes now, in complete silence.

“Nothing” he smiled, but she didn’t seem very happy. She was not looking mad, but tense and awkward. “I’m sorry, I didn’t introduce myself. I’m Sirius Black” he extended his hand towards her, like it was the first time they were seeing each other.

“I know who you are, we have classes together” she grinned “But well, I’m Beatrice. Call me Bea”

He knew at last her first name. “Well, Beatrice, looks like we are both outlaws. I won’t ask you to explain why you are an unregistered Animagi and I hope you won’t ask me well”

Bea smiled, she could sense the confidence in him, in his smug smile. She seemed to forgot she wasn’t supposed to be out of bed, and specially not in the middle of the forest with a guy that had a reputation of conquering every women he wanted.

“Well, if we have established we are not going to tell anyone about this then I think I better get going” she said finally and turned around, but was stopped by a soft grip around her wrist.

“I’m sorry if I scared you okay? I didn’t know you would be here, well, I didn’t know anybody would be here. I just wanted to be alone and remembered this place from last week and came here” he shrugged “You don’t have to leave, I can leave if you want to, but I wouldn’t mind your company”

She thought for a moment. It was her special place but she didn’t want to be rude to him and make him go away if he also needed to be alone. “Well, I guess there’s place for two.” He smiled openly “But I’m working on something, so if we could just be in silence, I would appreciate that”

“Of course” he obliged and sat down, next to the lake again, watching her sit down slowly as well, and beginning to write on her notebook again. He really wanted to ask her why she was always with that notebook, and why she used Muggle pens instead of a normal quill, but didn’t want to bother her and make her go away. He just had to think of a good reason to talk to her and initiate a conversation, which was something was usually very good at, but then again, the girls he talked to normally also wanted to talk to him.

But he couldn’t think of anything, so he just continued to seat there, waving his wand and making little constellations of light on the air in front of him, which seemed to spark her interest, because she looked up from the notebook, although she soon returned to it, and half an hour passed, she got up.

“I think I’m going to get going” Beatrice said to him “It’s getting late”

He got up quickly, almost stumbling on his feet, and waved her goodbye, unable to think of a reason to ask her to stay, but she had already gone.

“You look very thoughtful” said James to Sirius “What happened?”

“You are saying that like I don’t ever think” he answered, laughing, now coming back to reality.

They were in their common room, and after spending all day doing homework, were now enjoying a well-deserved break. But Sirius mind had been on Bea all day, he wanted to know her. She was pretty and intelligent and seemed interesting, being an Animagi just like him. He usually didn’t take this interest in girls, but usually he already knew everything he wanted to know. Why was she so secretive?

“Ugh, just tell us already, you always look like this when you are planning something” said Remus, looking at him “Tell us what happened last night and why you have been acting like you are on an exam since you have been back”

“You guys know a girl named Beatrice Crayford, right?” he asked bluntly. He knew she was a prefect, and as Remus was one as well and James was Head Boy, they surely knew her.

“Yeah of course, what happened with her?”

“Nothing, I ran into her last night, on the forest” he didn’t feel like it was his place to tell them she was an Animagi, even though he totally trusted in them.

“Well, it doesn’t seem much like her, being a Prefect and breaking the rules” said James, while eating a bit of chocolate they had gotten from the kitchen.

Remus laughed “You are one to talk, James Potter, Head Boy”

“Well I’m an exception” he replied

“Shut up Prongs, and let Moony tell me about her” Sirius replied, impatient

“Why do you care Padfoot? Please tell me you have not decided she is your next victim”

“I would not call me conquests the victims” he laughed openly “But no, I just want to know her, why is she always with that notebook?”

“You are a weird, weird guy” sighed James and they got back to work, but Sirius mind was still in the girl. Why did he want to meet her so bad? He could have any other girl.

[dayseternal-blog]

A NaruHina Folktale/Gods & Goddesses AU

Summary: The folktale of the Japanese summer festival Tanabata, the story of Orihime’s and Hikoboshi’s love.

Chapter 1: Across the Amanogawa

Moonrays,

Woven into stardust,

Threaded through gossamer of clouds.

The finished piece glowed like the tail ends of comets, perfectly fit for the blushing bride.

“It’s beautiful,” she whispered.  

“He won’t be able to take his eyes off of you,” Hinata said, watching Ino, the Princess of Horn, turn so the cloth would catch the light.  

“Thank you...thank you so much!”  Kogaku-hime’s expression was one of pure hope and joy, one that the Weaving Princess had seen often enough to know that the bride was in love, that the wedding would be a success.  

She smiled, satisfied at another job well done, happy that her father would be pleased with her work.

Yet as she carefully wrapped the shiromuku to be later sent to the bride, she couldn’t help feeling wistful.  When would she have her own wedding?  Would she ever meet someone to smile for, to blush for, to love?  She was already at the later years of proper marrying age, and soon, surely too soon, she would be too old for anyone to want.

She worked long hours, practicing and perfecting her craft, creating beautiful fabrics for all occasions that were well-known across the celestial heavens.  Her designs were sought out, desired for their auspicious value.  She had a long list of prominent clients and an even longer waiting list of orders.

Despite her neverending duties, she loved her art.  She loved forging beauty from the natural world around her.  She loved even more bringing happiness to her family, friends, and loyal customers.

She knew she could live a fulfilling life in this way.

But she couldn’t help her longing sigh, she couldn’t help watching her friend’s marriage with some yearning in her heart.  

His daughter’s melancholy did not go unnoticed.  As strict as he was on his daughter, he loved her and wanted her to be happy.  “Hinata, the wedding was perfect, your work was admired by all.  Why do you look so sad?”

“Otou-sama, no, I am proud of my work and glad that I could contribute to the start of their marriage.”

“Then what are you sighing for?”

Seeing that her father would not leave it alone, she admitted her true feelings.  “I just...hope that one day I can also find such happiness...in someone to love and to care for.”

Her father was surprised, but realized that, indeed, it was time.  Though his daughter was fair and beautiful, and though she attracted many an admirer, she had never shown interest before, and instead spent all her energies in her work.  He encouraged her work ethic and enjoyed seeing the success she had found.  No one could weave the stars together as effectively as Hinata.  Nothing could promise a propitious occasion like his daughter’s fabrics, and surely, her work was now considered indispensable to the gods.  For all of her success, she deserved happiness, too.  She deserved someone just as honest, good, and hardworking as she.  And he had one such young god in mind.

“I can arrange a meeting for you with Hikoboshi.  Have you met each other?”

She shook her head.  She rarely left her workshop.  The only people she ever met were her clients, long-time friends, and family members.  Though she had heard of him mentioned in passing, she now wondered about who Hikoboshi was.  Her father had never spoken of him before.  “Who is Hikoboshi?”

“He lives across the Amanogawa in Akira, and herds the cattle of Northern Genbu.  He has earned a reputation for being reliable and trustworthy.  Would you like to meet him?”

Hinata took a moment to collect her thoughts, imagining the difficulties of such a hazardous occupation.  An unfamiliar hope, an excitement, rushed through her, and she nodded. “Yes, Otou-sama, I would like to meet him.”

He had heard of her.  

After all, who hadn’t?  

The celestial maiden beside the Amanogawa, Orihime of Raira.  Her starlit kimono were considered as beautiful as the heavens.  Her own beauty spoken of in hushed, admiring tones from those fortunate enough to have seen her.  Rumor said her hair was like night’s silk itself, her eyes the moonbows of misted nights, her skin as pure as the divine waters of the Amanogawa.  

When Tentei, the Heavenly Sky King, proposed the meeting to him, he was more than willing.  He felt more than honored.  He was shocked to even be considered, and ever since they settled on the date for their meeting, he couldn’t help but feel a strange self-consciousness tug at his heart.  

This mysterious beauty that captured the imaginations of many a young lord, and he, simple cowherd though he was, received the opportunity to meet her.  

Would it go well?

Would she like him?

Would he like her?

Would they marry?

He pondered these in his vigilance over the pastures, his gaze following the curves of the galaxies that dipped toward the horizons.  He took great pride in guarding this realm, in guiding the cattle across the fields and back to their respective starhouses. Though he was required to work for long periods of time, and the responsibilities were great, he enjoyed his job, and he knew no one else could map the constellations as well as he.  Perhaps it was due to this that the Heavenly Sky King recognized him as a potential suitor for his daughter.  Perhaps it was due to his dedicated work over so many years that he was being given this chance.

She took special care of her appearance as she prepared for their meeting.  She combed her hair and scrubbed her skin until they shone.  She dressed in a simple pale kimono of her design, the embroidered creatures along the seams small, yet auspicious in symbolism.  

She knew she did not have the same charm and wit as Ino.  She knew her only strengths to recommend her were her grace and refinement, painstakingly taught to her under the strict watch of her father.  The least she wanted to do was offend Hikoboshi’s eyes.  If she couldn’t banter and develop a quick rapport with him, she hoped that at least he might look at her and like what he sees.  She hoped she wasn’t already too old for his tastes.  She hoped he wouldn’t think her a waste of his time.  She felt she had little to offer, lacking in social and life experiences as she was, locked away in her shop with her loom and threads.  

Yet, despite her nervousness, she was hopeful.  Meeting someone different from her usual circle of acquaintances was already more novelty and excitement in itself than she was used to.

She had paid careful attention to the murmurings of gossip when she visited the palace last, catching snippets of conversation regarding the young god she would be meeting.

“The lightning storm passed through there,” they whispered.

“Did he make it?”

“He didn’t lose any of the cattle.”

“The air is shrouded tonight.”

“How can he see where he is going?”

“He is certainly a master navigator.”

Hushed tones that left her truly wondering, imagining what he might be like.

Wise and well-traveled?  

Strong and protective?  

Kind and considerate?

Would he tell her stories of life in the far fields and mountains of Akira?  

Was it more beautiful there than here in Raira?  

She daydreamed of their meeting, of what it might be like, and what it might lead to as she readied herself for the night, and even as she made her way to the decided-upon location, the Pavilion of Swans.  

She waited near the shoji doors for her introduction.  She could barely hear their low tones, her father’s and Hikoboshi’s.  His voice was textured and warm.  She imagined weaving the timbre of his voice into cloths of red aurora, with rays of purple and orange starbursts.  Even if the night’s meeting ended in a failure, she would remember this, the voice of the young lord who agreed to meet with her, who agreed to give her a chance, and she would memorialize it in her embroidery.

A quiet shuffle alerted her to the present, and the door slid open.  

Her father appeared and gestured for her to join his side.  

She stepped quietly, carefully to him into the doorway.  She kept her eyes lowered, only lifting them to meet the occupant of the room when her father introduced her.

Her gaze met blue.  Bright, bright blue eyes of the rarest and tallest atmospheres.  His hair spun golden like the treasures kept in the Jade Palace.  His features were distinctive, strong as if the current of the Amanogawa surged beneath his skin.

She shied her gaze away again in a motion of modesty, but truly her heart thrummed with nervous anticipation.  He was beautiful, unlike anything or anyone she had ever seen.

Once Tentei slid the door closed, leaving them to get to know one another, they sat down silently.

His gaze was fixed on her, entranced, trapped by the vision she presented.  She was everything they said and more.  The rumors of her beauty didn’t account for the way her dark lashes glimmered over moonlit, blushing cheeks.  No one spoke of the way her very presence radiated grace and elegance.

But most of all, he wasn’t prepared at all for how he felt when she looked up at him.  He was immediately drawn to her.  There was no describing her eyes.  Softer, lighter than the cirrus clouds that gather at the hoofs of his cattle.  Simultaneously, astonishingly, incandescent, like the solar winds that, at times, surge across his fields.  Electrifying.  Alarmingly alluring.

He was just the Cowherd, no better, no more virtuous than any other young god, and he knew, he, like so many others before him, was taken with the beauty of the Weaving Princess.  Every fiber of his being wanted her recognition, her attention, and he spoke before he knew what he wanted to say.  “Orihime,” he started.

She looked up at him, her iridescent gaze meeting his, sending a wave of satisfaction through him.  A little smile curled the edge of her mouth, like she was happy to hear him call her.

Her very look was riveting, one that nearly made him lost in his thoughts.  He took a silent, steadying breath and continued, “...I have heard much about you.  Your art...and your beauty.”  He couldn’t stop himself from appreciating the curve of her cheekbones, the line of her neck as it disappeared into her kimono.  “You are certainly more than everything I have heard,” he said, as honestly as he could convey.

She blushed and her eyes trailed down to the tatami mats beneath them.  

He wanted to hear her voice.  He wanted her to speak, but he didn’t really know what else to say.  If it was socially acceptable, he would gladly call her every name of beautiful for the rest of the meeting.  He watched her blush retreat from her cheeks.  “It is an honor to have this time to finally meet you.”

She looked up then, her lips parted, and he felt attuned to every motion and breath she made.  “Hikoboshi, I thank you for taking the time to meet me.  I am only but a weaving maid.  I do not deserve your words of praise.  I am the one who is honored to finally meet you.”

Her voice was soft, gentle, like the breeze that whispered through the pastures on tranquil nights.  His chest felt tight with overwhelming attraction.  “Please, call me Naruto.”

Her eyes widened in surprise.  She nodded once.  “Naruto-san?” she called, uncertainly, her voice caressing the syllables of his name.

“Yes?” he responded, carefully, as invitingly as possible, knowing he’d do what he could to have her comfortably call him without the honorific.  

“Could you please..tell me about your work?  I have heard of your incredible feats.”  She blushed, her gaze lowering as if she was asking for too much.

He smiled, happy to share with her his occupation, his way of life and his pride.  “Of course!”  He described as best he could the star plains, the time it took to memorize each starhouse in his youth, the dangers in driving the cattle across the constellations when the tradewinds swept northerly, or when they reach the zenith of Northern Genbu, and he must navigate through the corridors of the solar winds.  He told her of the way the celestial bodies rise and set over his home, the way the young cattle enjoy playing in the clouds, and the deities he meets upon completing each crossing.

She listened attentively, her expressions of awe gratifying in a way that made him feel more important than he really was.  

He realized, though, that he wasn’t learning anything about her.  While having her undivided attention was undeniably satisfying, he wanted to know more about her.  They were near the same age, yet she seemed so much more sheltered, more innocent to the world around her.  “Orihime, please tell me more about yourself.”

She blushed, her gaze ducking down to the table once more.  “I weave kimono.”

He could tell she was uncomfortable, but he wanted to hear more about the maiden who had so effortlessly captured his admiration with just a glance his way.  “Your kimono is renowned across the heavens.  How did you start weaving?”

“Oh,” she gasped a little, surprise evident on her face.  Her expression softened, and she smiled.  “My mother taught me when I was little.”  

He encouraged her to continue, and she told him of how she learned to twine the wisps of clouds together as a toddler, braiding them into simple jewelry she gifted to her parents.  How, as she grew older, she learned to pull and thread together the dust of the stars into fine chiffon, how she learned to weave in the glow of the moon to create lengths of gauze and silks.  She told him of inspiration she found from the natural world around her, from watching the interactions of her loved ones, or from the beauty she found in the little things.

And all too soon, their time together was over.  A knock on the wall alerted them to the time, startling both of them.  

“Naruto-san, I enjoyed learning about your home and work.  Thank you.”  She bowed and lifted her eyes shyly to him.

“I also enjoyed getting to know you better, Orihime.”  He meant it.  It was partially her beauty, no doubt, but it was really the way she spoke quietly yet cheerfully, the way her expression lightened when she shared about her weaving.  He found everything about her attractive, irresistible.

“Please, call me Hinata.”  She blushed and averted her gaze.

“Hinata-chan,” he tried.  It was an unspoken promise that he’d get to speak to her again.  How soon, he didn’t know, but the knowledge that she liked him enough to share her name with him was more than enough to make his heart clench.  He openly smiled at her, expressing his joy at her acceptance.

Notes:  The Wikipedia-researching blackhole I fell into while writing this story was amazing. In creating their world, I decided to reference aspects of Chinese, Greek, and Hawaiian/Micronesian astronomy.  Please take a look at a little of what I learned!

Chinese: The sky is separated into 4 Symbols, one of which is Black Tortoise of the North (where Orihime and Hikoboshi lie).  Each Symbol has 7 Mansions that house and classify important stars.

Greek: Orihime refers to the star Vega, which is a part of the constellation called Lyra.  Hikoboshi refers to the star Altair, which is part of the constellation called Aquila.

Hawaiian/Micronesian: Ocean navigators memorize "houses" that all of the stars rise from and set into to determine their direction.  Their mental map is called a star compass.

Thank you for reading!

[fymagnificentwomcn]

If you were the writer or season 2 and if "Farya" didn't exist .. How would've you portrayed Ayşe's character and her relationship with murad and with kosem ? (Sorry for my horrible English)

Hello! That’s such a good question, thank you.

I remember how the fandom was divided by “ship wars” when MYK s2 went on air, but personally I wanted to see more of a partnership than an epic love story. That’s way more realistic and interesting to me as a viewer; I think the rivalry and the unnecessary romance was one of the reasons why the plot for season 2 ended up getting wrong in a lot of ways. They had a good show and a rich account of past events, it didn’t make sense to do the ‘history-repeats-itself’ they decided to go for. I mean, when you watch episode 1 you see all the wasted potential in Ayse’s arc, it’s just sad. 

So with this in mind, I still stand by what Margot and I talked about a while ago and she decided to make this amazing post. In details this represents everything that could have been in Ayse’s storyline. Hope it helps. :)

- Mai

 I agree with Mai - Farya brought nothing of importance to the show despite all the screentime she occupied and all efforts of screenwriters to make us love her.

The fact that we know so little about Ayse and Ayse/Murad relations offered writers a lot of creative license and as such opportunity to bring something fresh to the table.

Getting rid of Farya and all her nonsensical plots would be the first step, of course. Show me a Farya-related plot that made sense and had actual meaning for overall storyline - there is none. 

Second, now it is time for small digression - I find the repeated romantisation of slave/master relationships that often includes fairytale elements to be the biggest flaw of both shows. The shows did well in being critical about many aspects of pathologies of that system to the extent that is hard to find in other shows on the Ottoman Empire and which even made Erdogan angry (compare with MBCF with all its super!Mehmed stuff, and I don’t even want to mention TRT propaganda shows), but when it comes to (especially long-term) trauma of women who suddenly lost everything and became slaves used for reproduction and sexually pleasing a man for whom they were captured, they did very badly. They even portrayed the trauma of male slaves better thanks to a complex portrayal of Ibrahim’s character in the original MY, with the lingering trauma contributing heavily to his downfall.

Instead of trauma, we have too many master-slave romances. I can only recall Sadika crying after Suleyman forced her to sleep with him back in MY S1. Usually after a night spent with THE GUY concubines are shown to be on cloud nine. And in some cases it turns into love and if life’s not perfect that’s not because of any long-term trauma, but only because of power struggles. Sometimes they even portray what pretty much has a lot of out-of-textbook elements of Stockholm syndrome to later not acknowledge it properly  because of rushing though the plot and messy execution, see Nasya going quickly from “I’m not anyone’s property” to “I belong to him” because she needed to stay because of pure motives. I get it now more what they wanted to convey, especially in contrast with what we’ve seen later and the darkness of the ending, but still.. you could have done it better. Man, even Christian princesses want nothing more but to become the Sultan’s mistress (lbr Murad wouldn’t have married Farya without the attack). A lot of salt, yes, but this issue bothers me a lot and I had an Anon on fatihdaily expressing such worries too (thank you for an excellent ask, Anon!).

Back on track a bit - even if some of those women eventually developed affection for their masters because it was their only chance for some love or due to Stockholm syndrome (remember Safiye’s “only love may make living in this palace bearable” - if this does not clearly point to Stockholm syndrome than IDK, BUT ACKNOWLEDGE THIS BETTER.

And Murad’s harem is perfect for that because he truly wasn’t the romantic type or one for romantic bonds with women. He was truly the guy who used harem for reproduction and sexual satisfaction, if he managed to even grace it with his presence. Give me Ayse and Murad who aren’t in love with each other, but she’s the one who manages to earn his respect as perhaps the only woman after his mother. Give me Ayse, who in her loneliness tries to get close to Murad because he’s the only person she can truly get close to. He does sleep with her after all, kisses her, perhaps gives her some presents? Who is to quench her loneliness if not this man? Show me Ayse who partners with Murad because she tries to find purpose in this new life, at least for their kids. Show me Ayse who’s aware that she could be much happier elsewhere, but must try to build a good future for herself where she is; who would love to abandon this life if it was possible. But do not show me woman a bitter woman scorned because dude rejects her  first .

Now for character development: give me Ayse who grows bold enough to form her own network of relationships completely independently of Murad. Who, while at first scared of her mother-in-law, actually realises that she has much more in common with this woman than with her “partner”, a “shadow of God on Earth”, who has a lot given to him on a silver platter just because he bears the title of a padisah. And yes, we have practically next to none positive mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationships in MY/K, and since Kosem/Turhan has to be antagonistic eventually, why don’t give Kosem a nice relationship with Ayse that would be more than just “we tolerate each other” and that would never have anything hidden, like Turhan becoming close to Kosem to eventually use it against her mother-in-law? Give us something totally genuine, like Mahidevran/Mihrunnisa in original MY, just this time between two historical characters. 

At the same time, Ayse’s relationship with Murad would deteriorate due to his increasing cruelty and alcohol addiction. This guy is definitely not a romantic hero out of every girl’s dreams. Bah, he’s not even a nice guy. And if you show abuse, again acknowledge it properly, without dumb lines like Madame Marguerite, who usually tried to knock some sense into Farya, telling her that “Forgive him he tried to kill you for what was mainly his fault, poor Murad has so many things to worry about”(WTF???). Make her drift away from him as much as she can OUT OF HER OWN WILL, not because he rejects her. I love Margot’s idea about Ayse realising he is trash before other big rival comes along. Since Murad likely had more than one concubine and one more haseki - bring them, but show Ayse not giving a fuck at all at this point. More - why not make them bond over their own misery? Murad descends into alcohol downward spiral that makes him spend much more time on long drinking parties with buds and killing or hurting people sometimes just because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time, so USE THIS OPPORTUNITY to show scared and disappointed women teaming up to survive his jackass behaviour. 

We all know Ayse would eventually lose her sons, but I would love for her to also have daughters, so that she wouldn’t be so  alone because historically she lived really long. And yeah I wouldn’t mind to see her being happy to leave Topkapi eventually, I don’t mean here being happy upon a death of man who after all was the father of her kids, but relieved to be free of this palace at last. Challenge the “Palace of Tears” concept.

As for her personality… pretty much what Margot described. I would love her to be more quietly strong, to contrast nicely with the imposing presence of the powerhouse that Kosem is. Clever and perceptive, but not a schemer. I’d love to see her use more emotional intelligence than pure cunningness. And I honestly feel Leyla Feray would be good to reflect such personality.

Oh, all the dreams *sighs*

Thank you once more for a great question :)

- Joanna

[jakeabner337718-blog]

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