#like i know it's just a remake not a different game BUT. two different link's awakenings....

[seagullcharmer]

thinking abt chain link fences again and i think it would be SO funny if bee and honey had BOTH had to deal with the windfish's dream

[cleolinda]

The Scariest Movie I Ever Saw in a Theater: The Ring

I'll tell you up front that the story I'm going to tell you is about "The Ring (2002)," in the sense that it is about The Ring in the year 2002.

See, I don't know what The Scariest Movie Ever is. A quick google says that the consensus is The Exorcist (I haven't seen it, because I never felt like scheduling a day to freak myself the entire fuck out). But horror is specific, and not just to a person, but to a time and place, even. When I saw The Shining as a teenager in a well-lit living room with other people, I didn't even really flinch, but I bet it would play very differently to me now. I don’t think The Ring is at the top of anyone’s list, but twenty years ago, I had a personal interest in it—at the time, I was running a dinky little Geocities site devoted to movie news. Links curated and compiled from all the other, bigger sites I followed—basically, it was the linkspam format I have used on multiple platforms, including here on Sundays. And so, as someone who followed theatrical releases pretty closely for two or three years, I saw the trailer for The Ring, and I immediately knew it was going to be huge.

To locate you in time, this was just after three self-satirizing Scream movies and the Overcomplicated Serial Killer films of the '90s. The Ring was something completely different: chill aqua-blue color grading a good 5-6 years before Twilight; a mournful Hans Zimmer score; no jokes, no quips; and a slow, inexorable sense of doom. Grief, even, given that the movie begins with the death of the main character's niece. What immediately struck me about the first trailer was 1) the melancholy of it, and 2) how much it doesn't explain. Onscreen, you get the title cards,

THERE IS A VIDEOTAPE IF YOU WATCH IT SEVEN DAYS LATER YOU DIE

Concise! Understandable! A woman (Naomi Watts) is freaking out upon discovering that her young son has just watched it! Admirable job setting up the premise and the stakes of this entire movie in thirty seconds flat, without even any dialogue. That's all you need to know, and thus, the remaining minute of the trailer can do whatever it wants, and what it wants to do is be fucking weird. Echoing voices, TV static, a closeup of a horse's eye, ladders, a girl with dark hair, people reacting to things we don't see, drippy doorknobs, rain. Characters don't give us the whole plot in convenient soundbites of dialogue (like they do in a later trailer); we just hear lines, overlapping, murmured out of context—

did you see it in your head? she talks to you... leading you somewhere... showing you the horses... you saw it. did you see it in your head? she shows me things. Everyone suffers.

That you saw it has lived in my head ever since, and not once have I charged it rent. But the "best" part is Naomi Watts screaming at the end, because you don't hear her voice; you only hear this heartless telephonic beeeeeeep. It's 2002 and I'm watching this trailer, thinking, I have no idea what the fuck I just saw. This is going to be huge.

And it was, to the tune of $249 million on a $48M budget.

At risk of recapping what you might already know, Ringu, aka Ring, is a media franchise that spiraled out from a trio of Koji Suzuki novels into Hideo Nakata's film Ringu (1998), a landmark of Japanese horror, plus several other movies, some TV series, many comics, and even a couple of video games. The overarching story is about a murdered girl/vengeful ghost named Sadako Yamamura whose rage and pain have created a cursed video tape, you watch it and you die unless you pass the tape around like a virus, seven daaaaays, etc.

The "ring" in question is the rim of a well. Keep that well in mind.

The movie I saw is the U.S. remake, which itself had two sequels. (The iconic Sadako is now named Samara Morgan. Keep her in mind, too.) Director Gore Verbinski moved from The Ring to Pirates of the the Caribbean (!), and so Hideo Nakata himself would direct The Ring Two. I... honestly have only seen the first one. And I was right, it was huge, and it kicked off the American J-Horror Remake genre, for better or worse. But what gets forgotten about The Ring is its marketing campaign, which I followed pretty closely for my doofy little news site.

It was inspired.

The story of The Ring is partly the story of the sea change in the media landscape—how we watch movies. And the story of its marketing is a picture of the very last years before social media changed the wilderness of the internet into something that feels so big, like a billion people could see anything we say, and yet so small—only a tame handful of places to say it, owned by three or four companies, and corraled by algorithms.

Back around 1997-1998 or so, I worked at a video store (Movie Gallery, where the hits were there then, guaranteed) for about a year and a half. By the time I left, we had started adding DVDs to the VHS tapes on the shelves, but we hadn't replaced the entire stock. Video stores might have transitioned fully to DVD by 2002, I'm not sure, but people still commonly had both VCRs and DVD players in their homes. And I remember that The Ring was sold in both formats when it eventually hit home video. Which is to say—you know the analog horror genre today? Marble Hornets, Local 58, The Mandela Catalogue?

Analog horror is commonly characterized by low-fidelity graphics, cryptic messages, and visual styles reminiscent of late 20th-century television and analog recordings. This is done to match the setting, as analog horror works are typically set between the 1960s and 1990s. The name "analog horror" comes from the genre's aesthetic incorporation of elements related to analog electronics, such as analog television and VHS, the latter being an analog method of recording video.

Okay, but this is just what home media was like, and 2002 was at the very tail end of that—boxy black VHS tapes that degraded with time and reuse were just how we lived. At the same time, I'd been using CDs for music since about 1991, and all our software installs came on CD-ROM discs; a "mixtape" by that time had shifted to mean a rewriteable CD rather than a cassette tape. In college, I—well, I'll plead the Fifth as to whether I downloaded mp3s via Napster, but I was also taping Mystery Science Theater 3000 on VHS over the weekends. It was Every Format Everywhere, All At Once, and we kept half a dozen kinds of players around for them. Here in 2023, we stream and download everything invisibly, unless we choose to engage in format nostalgia. (I've already run into the problem of Apple Music deleting songs I really liked, due to this or that licensing issue, because I was really only renting them.) The year The Ring hit theaters was the edge of a last shimmering gasp of physical media where iTunes had only come into being the year before, and iridescent discs were still mostly what we used, but cassettes, both video and audio, were still viable. And so, people did not think it was terribly weird when they started finding unlabeled VHS tapes on their windshields.

Movieweb, quoting TikTok user astro_nina:

"Their marketing strategy was essentially 'let's get this tape viewed by as many people as possible without these people being aware of what this is, sort of raising intrigue," she says. One way they achieved this was by airing the tape, which allegedly marks its viewers for death within seven days, as a commercial with no context. The video would air between late-night programming "with no words, no mention of a movie, for like a month...so people would run into it and it would just go on to the next thing, and people would be like, 'what the f--k is this?'"

I remember seeing the Cursed Video as an unexplained ad at least twice, by the way. That TikTok also indicates that DreamWorks straight-up sent copies of the tape to Hot Topic stores, as well as planting them under actual movie theater seats. While running my movie site, I heard at least one story of someone finding a tape on the sink counter of a restroom at a club. Did the marketing department actually plant tapes in bathrooms—or did a freaked-out recipient leave it there, hoping to dodge the "curse"?

(I haven't embedded the Cursed Video here, by the way—but I could have. If you'd like to see the American take on it, you can watch both the full version and the shorter variant that appeared in the movie itself. A text description of what the fuck you're even looking at is here [content note for both: blood, insects, animal death, body horror, and suicide by falling]. The original version from the Japanese film is shorter, and it's eerie rather than gruesome.)

BUT WAIT, THERE WAS MORE: DreamWorks had something of an alternate-reality campaign going with a handful of in-character websites. This was only a year after Warner Bros. ran the groundbreaking "The Beast" ARG for A.I.: Artificial Intelligence: "Ultimately, fifty websites with a total of about one thousand pages were created for the [A.I.] game." (I lurked in the Cloudmakers Yahoo group.) Marketing for The Ring did not go anywhere that in depth, nor did it need to; it was both a smaller film and a smaller story. I saw at least two “personal” websites (seemingly amateur and a little tacky, like my own), but the one I particularly remember was about someone who owned/trained horses? I'm not sure if it was meant to be the actual Anna Morgan character—Samara's mother—or maybe someone who had noticed that the Morgans' horses were disturbed? I'm not even sure anyone even remembers this but me. Reddit users dug up a few other archived websites, but they're about Sadako, the curse and/or videotape; they aren't as subtle or character-oriented as the site I remember. (Honestly, I wonder if weird shit like "What Scares Me" or "SEVEN DAYS TO LIVE" were made by fans rather than a marketing department, but who knows.)

[The “About” page from Seven Days to Live on the Internet Archive.]

[The entirety of An Open Letter on the Internet Archive. “UPDATE” is a now-blank pop-up. I would bet $5 that it was originally a pop-up of the cursed video.]

I need to point out here that Facebook did not exist in 2002. It would not exist for another two years, and Twitter wouldn't exist until 2006. Even MySpace was not a thing until the next year. I didn't start my Livejournal until October of 2003. What we had, for the most part, were independent forums and blogs. We also had Creepy Internet Fiction like "The Dionaea House" and "Ted the Caver"; their use of the blog format, of people out there seemingly living their lives until something fucked up went down, gave the stories the shape of reality. And it helped that these blogs had comment sections, sure—sometimes more story unfolded there—but for the most part, an author could "abandon" a blog, and you'd just find the story there via word of mouth. Like the Ring blogs I remember, it wouldn't seem strange if no one replied to you, whereas today, you'd have to hire a writer to sit on Twitter, or Reddit, or even Tumblr, and interact with people in character. Could you do something like The Ring's mysterious, weird-ass blogs today? Would anyone even notice?

So: It's 2002, my head is full of Alternate Reality and eerie images and you saw it, and I'm hype as hell to go out and see The Ring. I'm perfectly happy to go see movies by myself, so I went in the early afternoon (best time to get a good seat). The movie ended up being a sleeper hit, and the first weekend, the public was still sleeping on it, so there were only 7-8 other people in that theater, grouped in maybe two clusters. I was off in my own little pool of darkness in the upper right quadrant. Functionally, once the lights went down, I was alone.

Despite some middling reviews at the time, The Ring is something of a horror classic nowadays. If you want a scary movie this Spooky Season, check out The Ring. Or don't, because it nearly killed me.

We're at the last, I don't know, third of the movie? And Our Heroine has tracked down the origin of the Cursed Videotape to some creepy mountain motel or whatever. SPOILER, it turns out that it was built over the Cursed Well (everything in this movie is cursed) that Our Villain was thrown into—that's why Sadako/Samara is a vengeful wet murder ghost crawling out of TVs now. While investigating this decrepit hotel room, intrepid journalist Rachel and her, who is it, her ex-husband? her kid's dad, idk, discover the well under the creaky old floorboards. And then, wouldn't you know it,

NAOMI WATTS FALLS INTO THE WELL

NAOMI WATTS FALLS INTO THE FUCKING WELL

THAT'S WHERE SAMARA'S BODY IS

[The rather slapstick moment when Rachel falls into the well. Does not include what actually happens next.]

I go absolutely rigid in my seat. Naomi Watts is splashing around this dark-ass death swamp of a well and I know, with as much certainty as I have ever known anything in my life, that Samara is about to pop up in all her pasty, waterlogged glory. All the sad creepy dread, all the desperation to figure out what the fuck all that shit on the tape was and stop Samara from killing Rachel's son, all the horrible contorted victim faces, all the alternate reality I’ve been soaking in, it has all come to this. I have to leave the theater. I cannot be having with this. I have to be gone from this place. My legs do not work. I cannot feel them. I am frozen. I want nothing more in this life or any other to get up and leave this cavernous pitch-black room, and I cannot. I start praying for death. I want you to understand that I am not trying to be flippant or humorous. This is genuinely what went through my head. I was too scared to even think, "You know, you could just pray to pass out or for motion to return to your limbs or something." No, I sat there in The Ring thinking, Please for the love of all mercy just let me cease being.

You know that scene in Mulholland Drive (also starring Naomi Watts)? Winkie's diner and the EXCRUCIATING tension? It was a little like that, except I wasn't watching it, I was experiencing it, and Samara was my dirt monster out behind the diner.

Except that the jump scare didn't actually happen. I mean, yes, Rachel finds Samara's body down there, but—I don't remember exactly, please don't make me go watch it again to tell you what actually happens. It's played more sympathetically on Rachel's part, as I recall, and she and her ex get Samara's body out so that she (Samara) can have a proper burial.

And then it turns out that this is not the end of the movie. It turns out that Rachel has Fucked Up.

I think I was relatively okay through the rest of it, although the climax is Samara emerging from a TV in her full glitching swampy glory to scare [SPOILER] to death. I don't recall praying for death twice. There's a point when you're so exhausted from fear chemicals that you're like, yeah, this might as well happen. Bring it, Soggy. I did have a hard time prying myself out of that seat afterwards, though, and my mom says that when I got home, I had the classic thousand-yard stare. How was the movie?

"It was great," I said, and I meant it.

I've seen things that were objectively scarier (I watched much of The Haunting of Hill House from behind a pillow, to be honest), and it's not like I've never experienced fear in real life. But I respect when a movie that can make me feel so intensely, and there's something weirdly precious about the way horror is a safe roller coaster, as it's often been said. So I love telling the story about The Time The Ring Nearly Killed Me—a movie that actually made my body stop working—and I love thinking of how embedded in a specific time and place that movie was for me. The last gasp of VHS when the Cursed Videotape still seemed plausible; the way the internet was still wild and weird and free; where I was in my life, keeping up so avidly with all the movie news, and finding myself in such a little pool of darkness early one afternoon. It's the scariest movie I saw in a theater; that's the alchemy of circumstance.

[phoenixcatch7]

Things tloz has not been consistent about that you'd think it would be:

Everything. Buckle up.

The hero being called Link. He's Link in the same way Frisk is the character. The player chooses the name in every SINGLE game up until botw, and that only happened because of the voice acting. It's just shorthand for the link between the player and the game.

The princess being called zelda. Wind waker, she was called Tetra.

The princess being in the game at all (links awakening)

There only being one princess (the hero of either hyrule or legend had two)

There only being one hero (hyrule warriors had three and also linkle)

The princess not being a playable character (hw, aoc, and upcoming EoW. There's also non canon games like cadence and smash bros).

The master sword being in the game (four swords, minish cap, triforce heroes (?), ooa/oos only have it as a linked game post story unlockable, zelda 1,2 and la it was the magical sword).

Ganon being in the game (basically the exact same as the last point minus the 1st 3 games)

Ganon being a bad guy (hyrule warriors and generously, GENEROUSLY aoc, where he's playable as an ally post game).

The master sword being needed to defeat ganon (in botw aoc and totk the master sword is entirely optional, and totally inverts the traditional 'zelda weakens and link deals the final blow').

Link being the main character (upcoming eow which I'm cackling about)

The existence of humanity

Link being in green (abotk made him blue :( and took his hat >:((().

Zelda being in pink (abotk)

Zelda being blonde (she's anything from blonde to brown to ginger)

Link being blonde (tp and lttp (why is he pink?! Zelda is blonde! There's brown haired people! Why neon pink??)

Gerudo having rounded ears (up until abotk)

Nintendo making the games (hw and aoc, cadence lol)

Teen/kid link (totk is the only Link over the age of 19)

Link having a companion (it's pretty evenly split)

Zelda having the companion (aoc and eow)

Link having two companions (hw with basically all of them)

The nature of humanity vs hylians

The story taking place in hyrule (literally so many... La, mm, ooa, oos, technically ww, technically ss, half points for lttp and lbw, tfh)

Just the one triforce (lbw)

Just three separate pieces of the triforce (ww)

Any triforce at all (okay this one is complicated bcz depiction/hand marks/Actual Wish Granting Triforce but hylia alone knows where the triforce was in abotk. I'm counting ooa/oos because opening cutscene. La has zilch and I'm pretty sure mc too.)

Literally any religion has come and gone INCLUDING IRL CHRISTIANITY

Knowledge of the triforce

Knowledge of hylia (it's literally just ss abotk and maaaybe lbw)

The existence of hylia (^^^

The general populace being useless (totk) (that's it)

Link being left handed (in ss and abotk he's right handed. Tp is 50% right handed because they flipped the controls (and world) for the wii).

Link being able to swim at the start of the game (only in the 3d games minus lbw and la remake)

Link succeeding in his quest (botw) (I'm not counting failed hero oot because it's a meta attempt at a working timeline)

At least a tiny bit of time travel (loz 1/2, la, fs, lbw, lttp, botw...)

The hylian shield (only appears in the 3d games! (-la remake and ww and mm))

Link using a bow! (surprisingly 50/50)

Epona!! (literally just oot mm and tp. Botk she's noncanon amiibo and she's in mc but doesn't belong to Link T-T.)

A tutorial (varying subtlety, yes, but there's a difference between the great plateau and a 'press x to open menu :D' prompt five minutes into the game while a knight is trying to kill you (lttp)).

Link having the hero's spirit (ww. I personally disagree but hey)

The hero being a hylian! (totk hero's aspect)

Sleepy boy link (botk he has power naps On Lock)

Link being masc presenting (linkle, hw)

The symbolic elements (3/5/7 combos, lightning/ice/water/fire/wind triforce, boar/owl/dragon/whatever tf)

Things tloz has been consistent about in every game:

Link being a gnc short king (tp is the beefiest he ever got and that was 4'9 male gymnast build at BEST).

Him not telling anyone anything important ever.

[shuttershocky]

Based on my (limited) experiences following the Type Moon fandom, it seems like there's such a wall between the fans of the "OG stuff" (mostly Mahoyo, Tsukihime, Kara no Kyoukai, FSN) and people who started with/also enjoy Grand Order, it looks like such a one sided thing where the fans of the older stuff tend to hate on FGO's writing and whatever it might have done to have done to Type Moon and Nasu's priorities, while the FGO fans just seem to enjoy the story while still being happy enough to support the OG stuff (Mahoyo/TsukiRe english release for example)

That incoherent wall of text is basically set up for me to ask what *you* think of FGO as someone who I imagine came from the older works. I'm curious about how you feel about the writing and stories in particular, from the arcs where Nasu started to be more involved (I haven't played them, but I believe it's Camelot?) since that's where I heard they started to get more elaborate. Do they live up to the experiences you've had with TM's other works?

Sorry for the long question, and I hope you have a great day!

Wow. I've been here for an incredibly long time if people no longer know about how much I used to play FGO.

Anyway, I would say what really sets FGO apart, not just from the rest of Type-Moon but even from other Fate works, is its scale, both in terms of the storytelling and its real life commercial value.

The hate you see many non-FGO playing TM fans have toward FGO is resentment towards how much it has simply taken up Type-Moon as a whole. The Tsukihime Remake was announced all the way back in 2008 and released in 2021 for example, partly because FGO taking off the way it did in 2015 meant it took up all their time and effort. They could not focus on anything else.

As their biggest moneymaker, it also began to warp the production of other works around it, as FGO had now become the main way by which people got into Type-Moon. Therefore, all things had to appeal to FGO fans in order to sell whether that was Fate/Extella Link pulling in FGO cast members like Scathach and Arjuna into the game, or Fate/Apocrypha's anime adaptation including as many FGO cameos as possible like Medea Lily (what was she even doing there lmao).

Of course, just adding FGO references doesn't automatically make something bad. Fate/Samurai Remnant for example has made fantastic use of FGO characters while mixing them in with new ones. However, you also get stuff like Melty Blood Type-Lumina having Saber, Ushiwakamaru, Dantes, and Mash all in the game while old fan favorite Melty Blood characters like Sion and Len are nowhere to be seen. You know that "Wi-fi is okay if you're close to the router" Melty Blood meme? That character Nanaya Shiki isn't even playable in the latest Melty Blood. When you see that and see not one, not two, but THREE FGO characters taking their place (Saber's a free pass), you'd see why there's a lot of resentment built up towards FGO by older Type-Moon fans.

As I said before, the difference isn't just in its commercial scale, but also in its creative one. Even in the most outlandish of settings, Type-Moon works are almost always smaller scale, character-centric pieces. Fate/Extra took place inside a supercomputer on the Moon, but it was about a glitch making an AI fight in a death battle between humans, and how that formerly blank AI feeling danger and wanting to live blurred the lines between what is human and what isn't. Tsuki No Sango (Coral of the Moon) was about a world 3000 years in the future, but the entire thing was a little space man in the palm of a girl's hand, listening to a love story about a man and a computer on the Moon.

For all its many similarities to previous TM works, FGO is still ultimately a save the world type of story. It starts with a demon destroying all of time, and then turns into a death game between entire timelines. It's big, it's bombastic, and it's instantly accessible, the kind of story structure you want to be able to fit the gacha format of an endless stream of new characters while keeping the ship steady with an overarching plot that lets you keep meeting an endless stream of new characters.

That's not really what I'm a TM fan for. I played FGO for its first 3 years, and once they brought out the Lostbelts I realized I was already satisfied and did not want to read yet another big world saving adventure plot all over again. I was pretty happy with how the first arc ended already, so my interest in continuing FGO shriveled up soon after.

Quality wise I'd say FGO is a very mixed bag, inevitable when FGO itself is a mix of very different writers (who themselves can be pretty inconsistent, Nasu included). Plenty of FGO chapters have also been cursed with subpar adaptations (looking at you, Camelot and Babylonia), further muddying the perceived quality of the stories.

I will say when FGO is bad, it's really bad (and often pretty racist), but when it's good, it's really good. For what I consider to be a mediocre baseline, FGO has some incredibly high peaks that rival the best in Type-Moon, and even when something is just okay execution wise (like Shimousa), some of the characters, concepts, and story beats are just so damn cool that they become intensely emotional and impactive all the same and inspire superior adaptations and follow up works (like Shimousa).

That being said, my favorite stories in FGO were the ones that would use much smaller scale, isolated adventures with a far stronger focus on characterization and emotional arcs that follow its thematic ones. Aeaean Spring Breeze is one of the best examples, being a tiny event about helping Circe move on from having been rejected by Odysseus in life, with some incredibly solid character work and a great understanding of how to mix the needs of a light-hearted comedy event with making genuine, emotionally compelling moments from a character that almost never speaks from the heart.

[thescrump]

nintendo direct reaction

NEW MARIO AND LUIGI WHAT THE HELL? "SEAFARING ADVENTURE" BRO MARIO ON THE GRAND LINE

NINTENDO WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS LOOKING GOOD

ok random anime game

New Squeenix RPG? this can go one of two ways

nintendo switch sports dlc... i thought that died 2 years ago

ok new metroidvania

disney illusion island dlc... haven't heard that name in ages

hello kitty game?

looney tunes sports game? ok ig. might still get it

AMOGUS UPDATE?

Farmagia? ok looks kinda fun

DKC RETURNS HD? WITH CONTENT FROM THE 3DS PORT?

DRAGON QUEST 3 REMAKE? IT'S LIKE THE FINAL FANTASY PIXEL REMASTERS? MY GODDDDDDD! AND HD 2D REMAKES OF DQ 1 AND 2? I'M SOLD. and such incredible spritework...

A funko pop game. why. BUT FUNKO FORDY FORZBORE THO?

denpa men looks fun. actually, i kinda want it, since i know it's free now

METAL SLUG TOWER DEFENSE? looks cool, but not for me

darkest dungeon 2 is here now.

four swords with online play? turok? PERFECT DARK? switch online going hard

what is phantom brave

MARVEL VS CAPCOM COLLECTION? OH YEAH I'M BEING TAKEN FOR A RIDE

NEW MARIO PARTY? JAMBOREE? THIS IS AWESOME!!! BROKEN TURBO DICE? what's with all the mario games on islands tho

ALL NEW CLASSIC STYLE 2D ZELDA? USING THE LINK'S AWAKENING REMAKE'S ART STYLE? AND YOU ACTUALLY PLAY AS ZELDA? the puzzle solving in this game is gonna be epicccccc

ugh. just dance

lego horizon? i thought this was gonna be a playstation exclusive. looks really different from normal lego games

stray on switch?

hobbit simulator?

ACE ATTORNEY INVESTIGATIONS COLLECTION?

is this danganronpa? no, not exactly

romancing SaGa? never heard of her

METROID? IS THIS PRIME 4? AFTER ALL THE YEARS OF TORTUROUS WAIT? SYLUX? THE METROID PRIME 4 IS REALLLLLLL

[desultory-novice]

The Interactions of Marx & Magolor

Some think I'm out of my mind thinking Magolor's castle (or “Magolor Land”) bears a resemblance to Marx, and even more crazy to think it will lead to an appearance by him in the remake. 

...And maybe they’re right!

But I would just like to see these two who have been hinted at knowing each other for nearly TWELVE YEARS to finally interact on screen together. Canonically. (Not counting Star Allies. Great as it is.)

So, with that in mind, let’s take a look back at all the times Marx and Magolor have canonically (or canon-adjacent) been hinted at knowing each other or otherwise been seen together!

1) Magolor’s “somebody” in the "Return to Dream Land" script

<Screenshot from JO ThumbsUpMaster>

Full Text of the conversation from Wikirby: (Bold text mine)

"By the way, I knew about you long before our fateful meeting."

"Kirby, the happy-go-lucky hero with the bottomless stomach."

"I even know somebody who knows you quite well!"

"Even on this world, you're incredibly popular!"

"There may even be some folks here who have fought with you before."

"If everybody would just get along, it would make things so much easier."

"Nothing good comes of fighting. Let's always stay friends, Kirby!"

<Bonus> My translation of those same lines: 

"...The truth is, I already knew about you. The carefree and gluttonous hero, Kirby of the Stars, living on distant Popstar! Why, among my associates, there's someone who knows you all too well. That's just how popular you are; even on my planet. Heh heh heh! 

And one of them seems to have fought with you but really, how dumb can you get? If we all became friends, everyone could be happy. That's why fighting's just no good. I hope you'll continue to stay my friend, Kirby!"

...I’m kind of sorry we lost out on hearing Magolor slyly call Marx an idiot behind his back in English! Maybe they’ll add it back in DX?

2) Marx shows up in RtDL’s Kirby Master cutscene

<Screenshot from flipswitch3111>

The rest of the audience is made up of duplicates of characters already in the game. Only Marx was included without having any other visual appearance in RtDL. Aka, he’s a new resource - for a half-second back shot in a 5 second movie. Now, he had a 3D model for the Super Star Ultra cutscenes, but that was years ago, and this still would have required porting him over.

There must be a meaning to all that effort...

3) They have a rare gold Rock transformation in Kirby Triple Deluxe

<Picture taken from Kirbypedia>

The game immediately after we learn they may have known each other, they appear together on a statue? Once again, this requires either making a new model for Marx, or carrying over his SSU model.

This rock transformation is used AGAIN in Planet Robobot, seemingly emphasizing that the two of them are linked in SOME way. The only difference is that the two of them have been downgraded to common granite...

I guess the gold foil wore off? Tee hee...

4) Marx appears again in TDX's Kirby Master scene. Only this time, he’s sitting next to Magolor! (And Galacta Knight, curiously enough.)

While getting the “somebody” line requires playing RtDL extensively, it really does seem that HAL were more open to the idea to revealing that the two had some connection by this point, thus, letting them sit together.

<Screenshot from Meteorz>

4) Magolor slips up, in talking about Kirby in a way he only could have known from talking to Marx in the text of “The Starcutter and the Lying Wizard” (an official novel adapting RtDL’s plot.)

 The novel adaptation drops the “I know someone who knows you” scene, but it includes at least one line from Magolor hinting at the same idea...

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--

--

Now, the English text above is from my translation of the novel, but you can read my explanation of said translation and why I think it still supports Marx being the one here - if you’re concerned I’m biased. (I won’t deny the possibility exists, but it doesn’t completely invalidate the idea either.)

5) Official makers of Kirby Merch, Ensky, has the two of them talking!

Back in 2017, Kirby_Ensky ran a popularity contest, the goal of which was to decide which characters should get more merch. (Waddle Dee won, btw.) 

Now, each candidate got a little shoutout tweet of their own. And Magolor's made special mention of Marx! (No other characters got this kind of call out btw.) The highlighted text says: 

"He was seen talking with Marx in the waiting room. Are they up to some trouble again...?"

The use of “again” suggests they have a history of working together.

6) The official Kirby twitter portrayed them together multiple times!

Often, they’re planning mischief. In fact, three of the pictures create a little mini-story (stretching across several years!) where Marx and Magolor plot to play a trick on Kirby by telling the puff that circling those mysterious objects you see all over Popstar 25 times will turn them into chocolate. 

They grin, seeing Kirby fell for it completely, with the puff eventually exhausting themselves (and all of Channel Dream Land) out with all that walking.

 However, when the duo try again, this time telling everyone that the star blocks you see everywhere are actually made of cake, they're caught in the act and forced to make a huge pile of star block cakes for their lie.

7) Re-ment’s Kirby-themed Hanafuda cards. 

Each card has a Kirby character or reference to something in Kirby on it. Marx and Magolor each have their own card and are part of the same "suit." What this means is they can be grouped together to create a match.

Not every familiar pairing is grouped together via suit like this, but it’s certainly interesting that they were. Especially as their art appears to almost fit together.

<Picture mine>

8) Re-Ment’s "Garden of the Stars: Afternoon Tea" 

Re-ment is better known for their figures, and they released a sweet set that has Kirby in a little hat and Waddle Dee with a frilly headband enjoying tea and sweets in the garden of the stars! It even comes with a signboard that has Kirby and Waddle Dee welcoming guests to the party. 

HOWEVER, the sign board actually has a secret reverse side which Re-ment later revealed on Twitter, featuring Marx and Magolor instead! It almost seems to suggest the two have teamed up once more and are planning some kind of prank to disrupt Kirby and Waddle Dee’s peaceful tea party!

9) The 30th Anniversary Music Fest

For the 30th Anniversary Music Fest, Marx and Magolor are paired together in both the merch (sharing a keychain design) AND the initial promo video. The promo video is interesting, because the only other characters to be introduced “in a set” like they are is the otherwise indistinct Waddle Dee trio. 

They also play similar instruments: guitar and bass.

10) The Marx costume and Magolor costume interact in a humorous way in this Super Kirby Clash video!

This particular video was posted on the official Twitter to advertise Marx’s equipment, a late game unlock. In the end of the clip, "Marx" is seen playing a trick on "Magolor," causing him to get squashed flat by the Blocky.

Here’s my translation of Magolor’s commentary on said tweet!

"If you could wish on the milky way, what would you wish for? I'd wish for galactic conque....err, I mean, for my shoppe to thrive! 

This equipment comes from a guy who tried to make a certain planet his own. It's incredibly powerful, but it'll make you want to play tricks on people! Hey, stop giving your friend trouble!"

...Similar to calling Marx an idiot early, he uses a rather dismissive form of address to refer to him here. He’s probably still upset about being smooshed. (Interesting too that said “friend” could very well be Magolor speaking on behalf of the Magolor-costumed Kirby. Aka, treating them as “friends.”)

11) Magolor's "Marx" outfit is "lovingly dedicated" to Marx.

Okay, okay. This sudden seeming evidence of a deeper relationship between Marx and Magolor coming out of nowhere in Super Kirby Clash isn’t exactly what it says in the original. (Gotta say, for whatever reason the original line turned out this way, I unabashedly love this version of it!) 

Though I'd like to take this time to point out that there IS an interesting theory with decent evidence (in JP) that Shopkeeper Magolor in Super Kirby Clash is apparently Magolor from the main dimension, transported to the Dream Kingdom by some strange means...!

EDIT: Theory was apparently confirmed true in an issue of Nintendo Dream.

<Screenshot from まるピンクのカービィ解説>

He's the only character to refer to Clash's Kirby as "Kirby of the Stars" - OUR Kirby’s nickname - and he makes a reference to his original villain speech, a reference no one but him could possibly get in this alternate fantasy world. (As you can see in the above tweet, Shopkeeper Magolor teasily mentions his ultimate goal in RtDL something that doesn’t mesh with his friendly, unassuming “shopkeeper” role in SKC.)

 Meanwhile, Marx doesn't make an appearance anywhere in Dream Kingdom, meaning the costume and the jester's exploits the costume speaks of may be Magolor bringing information about Marx from the main timeline into the Dream Kingdom-verse. 

So... Magolor knows Marx’s story AND what he wished for.

12) This official clip promoting Dream Buffet shows them interacting

Yet again, the two appear together in an official promo video. I heard it suggested this one could be "revenge" for the Super Kirby Clash clip, as it’s “Magolor’s” turn to interrupt “Marx” feasting on strawberries. This seems to imply that when they can't find other characters to troll, the two troll each other!

13) Lastly, the towers of Castle Magolor/MagoLand resemble Marx’s Wings

I initially thought that more of the castle’s design could be a reference to Marx, such as the shapes on the tower body resembling those on his hat, but as higher res pictures of the boxart have come out, that doesn’t seem to be the case anymore. (There is a blue and red spot near the entrance that has a sun symbol on it. No telling if there’s another tower with a moon symbol...)

But we can see the colorful tiles much more clearly, and they and the flags do bear the same rainbow pattern as Marx’s wings are shown to have in his official art, a pattern that Magolor otherwise has no relation to.

Will this coincidence lead to anything? ...I guess we’ll find out!

--

Phew! I do believe that's most all of it! You could also compare their attacks, which have some similarities, although that doesn’t say anything about them having met. Now, I may have missed some interactions elsewhere though, because as you can see, there are a few really obscure places where they show up as pair. 

(And there some that are so tenuous I didn’t think they counted, like the two of them having their Poyo Poyo Cushions announced together, or both being on the “villain” side in the Kirby werewolf board game. There’s also some of the Star Allies celebration pictures and other group pics that have both of them, sometimes even in proximity to each other, but I left those out since the concept of the Dream Friends blurs the line of who knows who somewhat.

Only mildly related, there’s also this clip from a Nico Video stream about Kirby Clash that says nothing at all official about the two of them, but is completely hilarious as two men on the right come to the awkward realization that Marx and Magolor’s plushies have fallen down in a very “suggestive” manner and how are they going to adjust them without drawing more attention to it.)

...And there you go! They’re hardly inseparable (as the above video shows, they’re VERY separable! XD )  but seeing them hanging out causing trouble together is a strangely common sight. Whether or not they knew each other in the past, it’s safe to say they “know” each other now.

Here’s hoping that these two villains with a history stretching back for over a decade will someday enact their lovable mischief together on the same screen!!

[landgraabbed]

hi cat! 🩷 so as you know i really enjoy your ts2 posts and lately i've gotten the itch to play it again! but last time i played ts2 i played it with only a few crappy cc clothes lol, so i have no idea what mods are essential mods to have in ts2 or where to get them, how to prevent saves from getting corrupted and how to build your own custom hood - stuff like that. so i wondered if you have any advice or if you knew any guides on where to even get started on this? 😭 thank you 🩷🩷🩷

vilna hiiiiiii!! first of all i am so sorry that this took me so long to reply! i got ill and it hit me harder than it should rip 😭 anyways, thank you so much as always for your kind words, you know i love your stuff so it really is appreciated 💖

it’s a long write-up and i reference a lot of guides and resources from the community from which i learned myself. i’m really grateful to this community for sharing these resources, truly! i tried to organize this as best and include as much as i could, but i'm sure there may be missing things or things left unclear. so if you have any questions feel free to message me!

i. installation

i personally use the sims 2 rpc launcher by lazyduchess, which is included in osab’s installation guide. i really like this guide, since it includes links to the full sims 2 collection, as well as indications to make the game work more nicely with modern hardware and software, such as modern graphics cards through graphics rules makers or the 4gb patch.

it also includes instructions for reshade installation (i personally use the rpc injection method).

ii. setting up a clean slate

whether you want to play in a premade neighborhood or a custom neighborhood, i recommend using a clean slate, meaning empty and/or clean neighborhoods. many functions of the game use hoods, and sometimes these aren’t actual physical hoods and instead add sims as townies or npcs. there are also “clean” versions of premade neighborhoods that fix/tweak oversights by maxis.

mind that if you want a brand new hood without maxis’ townies, you need to get an empty pleasantview template (N001) in your game’s installation folder, or disable it somehow by changing its name. you can still play in pleasantview as it will be stored in your documents neighborhoods folder, and you can use clean versions for that. you also need to get empty stealth hoods.

this all may sound a bit complicated, but simgaroop made a wonderful write-up here for different user cases depending on what you’d like to do in your game. the mods linked here are a boon!

as for making a brand new empty hood, i love getting custom terrains (which are sc4 files originally made in simcity 4). some of my faves are made by @/nimitwinklesims, but i also like finding them at modthesims. you don't need to create each type of subhood, but i do have at least one of each in bloom valley. in bloom valley i have two downtowns (one is magic town from sims 1 originally converted to sims 2 by @/voleste. the other is @/kattaty's remake of downtown, which will be deleted and replaced with a downtown i'll make myself to be more consistent with my other subhoods. it is incredible, and i think i will use some of their lots in my new downtown because they are great), i have two shopping districts. one is strangetown because i love those premades and townies; i never have sims visit or form relationships with them though, it's just so i see them around. the other is oakburg which uses acorn bend as a base, it works more or less as an expansion to bloom valley and it's where i play more often than not these days. then i have the vacation hood makeovers by @/plumbtales. the university hood was made from scratch by me.

when you create your own hood, you will either have to set up your own townies from scratch or source them from community shared townie hoods. for making townies from scratch, i recommend @/simper-fi’s guide (also recommend getting the mods linked here before you make a hood).

for townie hoods shared by other simmers, i recommend those shared by @/mikexx2 (seriously, look at all those familiar faces that ended up as spouses for gen 1 in bloom valley) and @/marvelann’s sims made townies by @/letthemplaysimscc. i also use the bon voyage locals shared by @/plumbtales. i also make my own townies from time to time or use specific downloaded sims as townies.

iii. on corruption

here’s the good news: as it turns out, corruption really isn’t an issue. april black has made an excellent video on the matter of corruption; although it is long, i recommend anyone who plays ts2 to watch it, or at the very least the final timestamp. to know what to do and what not to do.

although corruption isn’t an issue, i still consider the suite of “anti corruption” mods to be essential in order to avoid overpopulation and overall weirdness.

iv. making the game look pretty

i have linked my eye and skin genetics over here

my supernatural skins default replacements: alien - witch - vampire - plantsim - werewolf - considering switching my vampire, zombie, and werewolf defaults to this

for hair, i only use 4t2 conversions. i just like the way they look. i use @/platinumaspiration’s 4t2 defaults collection, which is a boon. for custom hairstyles, i recommend going through @/4t2clay

for clothes, i recommend going through the sims 2 defaults database. i have also linked some favorite creators for male clothes here. note that they also have female clothes. other creators i enjoy: @/mdpthatsme @kaluxsims @/jacky93sims @/goatskickin

i have a lot of makeup and “skin details” in my folder, but i have always been fond of @/lilith-sims’ things

for build/buy, that’s more difficult to pinpoint, but i again recommend @/sims4t2bb for a conversion database, and also @/veranka-downloads’s plentiful 4t2 and 3t2 conversions. some creators that feature in my folder: @/i07jeuu @/linacheries @/nonsensical-pixels @/pforestsims @/tvickiesims

custom sliders in cas: @/simnopke’s sliders, @/memento-sims’ sliders

for the ui, i use the incredible @/greatcheesecakepersona’s clean ui; i also use the mods linked here (+ @/keoni-chan’s amazing talk to me icon to replace icons), particularly the one to remove the red border in pause mode since that won’t be removed in tab camera

speaking of camera, this is the camera mod i use

i regrettably don’t recall the exact lighting mod i use (looking at them, probably cinema secrets), but i know it is one shared by @/veronaquiltingbee

to beautify my neighbor, i consider these skylines by @/lowedeus to be essential (+ optimized textures by @/celestialspritz). additionally i use the rural charm terrain and roads default replacement by @/criquettewashere in addition to most if not all of their hood decorations. i also love 3t2 hood decor conversions!

another useful resource is the gos events

please note that a lot of these creators do multiple categories of cc, so recommendations for one category may overlap with another; i know that this is just scratching the surface but i hope it helps

v. gameplay mods

i use so many mods to overhaul the gameplay so there will be some omissions. i’ll do my best to provide the most important ones (ignoring the ones previously mentioned)

economy and careers: uni part-time jobs for teens - lower wages - no 20k simoleons handout - loan jar (afaik lamaresims is working on a version to enforce regular payments) - custom bills (750%) - expensive bills for apartments (300%) - private school bill fix (in moreawesomethanyou-al.zip; charges the household 200 simoleons each school day for a child in private school) - lamare’s job options mods - 50% job promotion chance - restricted job offers - work food delivery

food & eating: basically @/jacky93sims's whole library

lifespan & health: lifespan (modified as follows, baby to elder: 3 - 7 - 14 - 21 - 91 - 7-14; i will make the adult lifespan longer still given that i play very slowly, it works as young adult and adult stages, and as is i don’t see many sims of gen 1 living to meet their grandchildren) - more dangerous fires - frequent & faster disease processing

personality: 3t2 traits project and associated mods

relationships and woohoo: acr - romantic standards - reproductive capabilities configurer - pregnant sims wear any outfit

supernatural/occults: plantsims can change hairstyle - no more leafy hair - no more werewolf hair - child lycanthropy - werewolf fangs fix - werewolf transformation 3 nights a week + no personality change vampires can’t eat food - vampire motive decay during day based on aspiration + vampire hunger goes down at night & social/fun decay- hereditary supernaturalism

travel and community lots: visit other sims - community time (+ limeyyoshi’s fix, reuploaded bc i cannot find it)

university: semester changes - pets at university - maternity for young adults - maternity outfit fixed for young adults

misc: planting overhaul - monique’s hacked computer, which i use to give sims separate bank accounts, study skills and badges online, and so on (1 - 2 - 3 - 4) - townie apartment residents - community lot skilling - engagement and wedding ring for color traits - invisible medicine cabinet (so sims can brush teeth and wash face with any mirror) - shiftable everything - midgethetree’s mods - fix subhood selection - longer seasons (7 days)

[thegeminisage]

So You Want To Get Into The Legend of Zelda But Don't Know Where To Start: A Masterpost

this discussion came up in my zelda stream the other week so i thought since i'm a longtime fan and Extremely Normal i'd make a guide to people who are just now getting into the series because of breath of the wild/tears of the kingdom. there's a lot of games and it can be confusing on how they're connected, where to start, etc. this is going to be an EXTREMELY LONG guide, sorry - if you want a short version you can check out this post i wrote a long time ago.

The Timeline

so the good news is that the zelda games were published non-linearly, meaning that the game that takes place first chronologically was not necessarily the first one ever made. they didn't even HAVE a timeline until like 2011 or so. for that reason, with a few exceptions*, you can jump in pretty much wherever you like. most zelda games (or pairs of games*) are spaced hundreds or sometimes even thousands of years apart, featuring different links and zeldas and other characters, which means you don't need to know anything about zelda to start with any game. the series is deliberately made so that each title works perfectly well as a stand-alone game.

*the exception is that a very few games have direct sequels - for example, majora's mask takes places just a few years after ocarina of time, phantom hourglass takes place after wind waker, etc. luckily even with these games, you can still jump in without having played their other half and have a good time without getting lost.

The Introduction

that said, the zelda series is extremely eclectic. while they all have the undercurrent of "zeldaness" that makes them special they can be as different as night and day. 2D or 3D, happy or edgy, mainline or spinoff, story-heavy or story-light...which game is best for you to start with will depend heavily on your own personal tastes.

the short version: if you haven't yet, i recommend most people new to zelda start with either ocarina of time or breath of the wild. these games, released almost 20 years apart, were both completely revolutionary and redefined their genres (or, in oot's case, the entire industry). they usually have something to offer everyone and they're both games with standout tutorial sections that teach new players the lay of the land with ease. there's a reason most people start with one of these two - which one you prefer depends on whether you can enjoy an older game or would prefer something newer. for brand-new gamers, i might also recommend skyward sword because of how much the game holds your hand - it's frustrating for more experienced players, but for those just getting started in gaming in general it might actually work out well.

the long version: OBVIOUSLY i'm going to do a game-by-game write-up. sue me. if you're looking for information on a particular title, ctrl+f it. otherwise, settle in. time for a cut!

The Games

how to read this guide:

which games: most of them. this guide is long enough as it is, so i'm not doing a whole ass writeup for REALLY niche spin-offs like the tingle games, the crossbow training game, the bs releases, or the much-loathed cdi games, even if i think the crossbow game ruled. i will do hyrule warriors and cadence of hyrule because they're properly fleshed out games. ports and remakes are gonna get grouped together with the originals to save time and space. if there's something missing from this list you want to know about, the wikipedia article with the complete list of zelda media is right here and it's a genuinely fascinating read. have fun!!

release date: self-explanatory. using japanese release dates for overall accuracy, and the games are in order of release date as well, but you DO NOT need to play them in that order - that would be madness

console: original console, other consoles it's available on (not including the weird experimental stuff like satellaview, c'mon), and whether or not it is available for switch. why? the switch is the latest console, how many new fans got into zelda, and because of nso, it will be the easiest access point for people who can't or don't want to buy new consoles/emulate on pc. nso stands for "nintendo switch online," which is a the online membership you can purchase from nintendo. the basic plan allows, among other things, emulation nes, snes, and gameboy titles. the expansion pack tier adds emulation of n64, sega genesis, and gameboy advance titles. i think nso is a good service with great value if you can afford it - read about it here. virtual console is just buying the game, usually for a low price, and downloading it digitally to play on newer consoles, but most of those services have been shut down now. there's also backwards compatibility - the wii u can play wii games, the wii can play gcn games, the original ds (and ds lite) can play gameboy advance games, and the gameboy advance (and gameboy sp) can play gameboy and gameboy color games. the snes can also play gameboy and gameboy color games with the super gameboy, and the gcn can play gameboy, gameboy color, and gameboy advanced games with the gameboy player.

average playtime: this comes from howlongtobeat.com - if it seems off, take it up with them

mainline game: this just means whether or not this game was a "big entry" into the series - typically, mainline games are devloped by nintendo directly (though nintendo develops side-games too), and they have a higher budget and a longer dev time, but this doesn't necessarily mean they're better - some mainline games are received more poorly than the ones that aren't mainline. also sometimes people argue about which games count as mainline games so take it with a grain of salt

sequel: whether or not a game is directly tied to another game in the series - again, even if they are tied to another game, you don't HAVE to play that other game first

story-heavy: how many cutscenes/cinematics/character stuff is going on

edge level: how much grimdark and serious stuff is present and how "on-screen" it is. zelda games are infamous for a careful balance of cheerful and dark stuff in all games, but some games are more forthright about the darker elements than others. i prefer those, but you may prefer it the other way!

the premise/the good/the bad/the verdict: the actual write-up. unfortunately not even i have played/finished every zelda game (someday...), so for the games i can't speak on personally, i will make a note on it so you can seek a second opinion.

now let's get started!

The Legend of Zelda (1986)

original console: nintendo entertainment system

available on switch: yes, with nso (basic)

also available on: gcn & gba (ports), gcn (gameboy player), wii, wii u, 3ds (virtual console), original ds (backwards compatibility), pc (emulation)

average playtime: 8-10 hours

mainline game: yes

sequel: no

story-heavy: no - in fact, for games in this era, reading the instruction manual is a must if you want story content; because the file size had to stay small, story content that couldn't fit was often added to manual instead

edge level: low

the premise: explore hyrule to find and put together eight fragments of the triforce so you can rescue princess zelda from ganon, prince of darkness.

the good: a solid introduction to the series, you can waste HOURS exploring this game, which is kind of a miracle considering the whole thing is only 128kb. (if you enjoy emulation, any computer will be able to play this. like doom, it could probably run on a microwave.) it's charming enough for when it was made and the music is all catchy as hell, even though it contains only a dozen or so tracks. this game is pretty light on puzzles, but most of the fun comes from the exploration - in fact, it was this game that the dev team for botw drew inspiration from when they were trying to figure out how to "reinvent" the zelda series - what they actually did was take it back to its roots.

the bad: well, it's that you can waste HOURS exploring in this game. back when it was released, the intent was to get players talking to one another - you would get one piece of the map explored and fine one secret, your friend would find and explore a different piece and find other secrets, and you'd trade! many people even had their own hand-drawn maps put together one screen at a time. since it really isn't possible to play this way today unless you get a bunch of friends together to do it blind, you almost certainly need a map or guide for this game when you're doing it on your own, otherwise you're never going to get anywhere, because there aren't usually indications that certain walls are bombable or bushes burnable.

the verdict: if you're a veteran who liked alttp (particularly the combat), if you have a high tolerance for aged games, or if you wanna see what this series looked like during its humble beginnings, you will like this game. if you're looking for a more guided experience or something with a lot of cinematics or puzzle-solving, pass. don't forget to read the manual!

Zelda II: The Adventure of Link (1987)

original console: nintendo entertainment system

available on switch: yes, with nso (basic)

also available on: gcn & gba (ports), gcn (gameboy player), wii, wii u, 3ds (virtual console), original ds (backwards compatibility), pc (emulation)

average playtime: 11 hours

mainline game: yes

sequel: yes, to the original legend of zelda

story-heavy: no - ditto for story being in the manual, like with the original loz

edge level: low

the premise: dive into six ancient palaces to place crystals there to wake princess zelda from an era long gone, who has been sleeping for hundreds of years. avoid being caught by ganon's minions, who want to use link's blood to revive their master ganon.

the good: because this game began life as an independent title which eventually got zelda-fied, it's quite different from most games in the series. it has side-scrolling combat and rpg elements. the soundtrack is very catchy, and this game also introduces dark link, an extremely cool popular doppelganger of our beloved hero. the map is HUGE in comparison to the original so there's tons more to explore here.

the bad: this game is HARD. not, "challenging," like, "bordering on impossible." i've never beaten it. i got just a couple of dungeons in and i was so miserable i had to give it up. even playing the "special edition" on nso (which is with all the unlockable upgrades to make it easier), it's a fucking slog. that's it! that's the only flaw.

the verdict: even with all its good qualities, even with how fresh it feels, it's so damn frustrating that only gluttons for punishment and very unique souls will truly find joy here. if you do decide to brave it, remember to read the instruction manual.

A Link to the Past (1991)

original console: super nintendo entertainment system

available on switch: yes, with nso (basic)

also available on: gba (port), gcn (gameboy player), wii, wii u, 3ds (virtual console), original ds (backwards compatibility), pc (emulation)

average playtime: 15-17 hours

mainline game: yes

sequel: no

story-heavy: medium. this was the first game to actually HAVE a proper story with named characters and extended dialogue. it wouldn't be considered story-heavy by today's standards, though.

edge level: medium, but like, on the high end of medium

the premise: one stormy night, link and his uncle receive a telepathic message from zelda begging for aid. link's uncle goes out into danger and doesn't return, so it's up to lik to go rescue her in his stead. from there you'll have to explore hyrule to locate the master sword, and explore the mysterious golden land behind the seal of the seven wise men to locate their missing descendants.

the good: alttp set the blueprint for the rest of the series - we finally have our first dungeon-crawler with proper puzzles, real dialogue from zelda, named bad guys, a huge array of funky items, and jammin' tunes still used in the games today (hyrule castle anyone?). plus, link has pink hair! the opening to this game is utterly iconic in every way, and traverse through not one but TWO world maps that overlay one another makes exploration even more exciting.

the bad: truly, no complaints here. it does require some patience. it's a little aged, and it's always possible to get lost without a guide, but so is it true for every game with a big overworld like zelda's.

the verdict: again, this game isn't story-heavy by today's standards, but back then it was more story than we'd ever gotten from a zelda game. as long as you don't go in expecting it to have an rpg kind of story, you'll probably enjoy it. if you don't like 2D zelda combat or need shiny graphics to keep your attention, give it a pass.

Link's Awakening (1993, 2019)

original console: gameboy/gameboy color, and a switch-exclusive remake

available on switch: yes - you can play the original with nso (basic) or the switch-exclusive remake

also available on: snes (super gameboy), gcn (gameboy player), gba, original ds (backwards compatibility), 3ds (virtual console), switch (remake), pc (emulation of any version)

average playtime: 14-19 hours for the original, 14-21 hours for the remake

mainline game: yes for the original, no for the remake, technically

sequel: technically a sequel to a link to the past, but they truly have nothing to do with each other

story-heavy: medium - similar story style to a link to the past. smaller cast and less overall dialogue, but more character work on marin specifically

edge level: usually pretty low, but in the rare moments when it jumps out it REALLY jumps out

the premise: while sailing, link becomes shipwrecked, washes up on shore of a remote place called koholint island, and is rescued by a girl named marin. with his boat in pieces, he has to go on a bittersweet adventure exploring the island and getting to know his rescuer in order to wake a mysterious being known as the windfish so he can go home.

the good: a tiny yet vast map, foreboding dungeons (hello, face shrine), a strange and quirky world that's impossible not to love with a small but charming cast to match (though, of course, the real stand-out character is marin), fun minigames, and a soundtrack that only got better in the remake. this game has it all! the story will surprise you by leaving you weeping at the end. there's not a huge difference to the gameplay between the original and the remake - it's mostly a graphical update, though they did add some side content.

the bad: it's one of those games that's different from the rest of the zelda series, which means it's not for everyone - there's no zelda, no ganondorf, no hyrule. also, getting the best ending is absolutely painstaking.

the verdict: what a wonderful game! the story is sparse but rewarding. if you don't like 2D zeldas, story-light games, or don't want to cry through the credits, you can give it a pass - but everyone else should love it.

Ocarina of Time (1998, 2011)

original console: nintendo 64, and a 3ds-exclusive remake

available on switch: yes, with nso (expansion pack)

also available on: gcn (port), wii, wii u (virtual console), 3ds (remake), pc (fan-port or emulation of either version)

average playtime: 25-40 hours

mainline game: yes

sequel: no

story-heavy: yes, medium-high. it wouldn't impress by today's standards but back then it WAS the standard

edge level: medium-high. it's horrifying in some respects, but overall very wistful and bittersweet

the premise: link, the local outcast, is ousted from his idyllic home after tragedy strikes in the form of ganondorf murdering his forest's guardian spirit. from there you'll explore hyrule to open an ancient doorway, and go on a time-traveling adventure in a last-ditch attempt to prevent a terrible future and heal a broken world that didn't always want you.

the good: what can i possibly say about ocarina of time that hasn't already been said? critically acclaimed as the best game of all time when it was made and still 25 years later (with only breath of the wild threatening to unseat it), this game is everything. this is the game that taught me to love stories, to love gaming, to love zelda. the world is full of secrets and places to explore, there's a kind of dual-overworld thing happening the way there was in alttp, there's a lot of collectibles and sidequests and TONS of minigames, there's a huge cast of characters with real depth, you can RIDE A HORSE, and the quite literal coming-of-age story has actual plot twists that affect the gameplay. this game defined the official timeline for zelda (massive spoilers at the link), it defined the series itself, it defined the genre and even the industry - games everywhere are still using concepts introduced (or made popular) here, like targeting enemies, context-sensitive buttons, dynamic soundtracks, and day-night cycles.

the bad: one of the dungeons is a shitty goddamn motherfucking royal pain in the ass. you know what i'm talking about. unless you don't, in which case i'm sorry. maybe it's less horrible in master mode, i don't know. also, like, it's not that the game has aged poorly, it's still a solid adventure, but it HAS aged. since basically every game you've ever played has emulated oot with stuff like lock-on targeting, these features won't feel as revolutionary and special to a new player today as they did to new players in 1998. that's not bad, but it has caused some people to get excited to look into the hype, pop the game in, and then go "wait, i don't get it."

the verdict: unless you absolutely cannot deal with playing a 25yo game, pick this up - for the historical value, if nothing else. i cannot more highly recommend any game that ever existed than i do this one. that said, for people who are new to GAMES IN GENERAL, it may not feel as intuitive as it did to new players in 1998, because speak a slightly different language now. new gamers should definitely still play this, but they should either use a guide or consider not making it their very first game. more experienced gamers should still be fine making this their first zelda game.

bonus verdict: as for which console to play it on - the 3ds version has a lot of quality of life adjustments, including gyroscopic controls and a master mode (gcn version also has master mode), and the graphical improvement is absolutely astounding...but it's on a teeny-tiny little screen. i think the best way to play ocarina of time, if you're able to, is to emulate the 3ds version with the fanmade 4k upgrade. of course, this requires a good pc, emulation skills, and a properly connected controller (i haven't done it yet myself) - so don't feel bad playing anyway you can access it.

Majora's Mask (2000, 2015)

original console: nintendo 64, and a 3ds-exclusive remake

available on switch: yes, with nso (expansion pack)

also available on: gcn (port), wii, wii u (virtual console), 3ds (remake), pc (emulation)

average playtime: 20-38 hours

mainline game: yes

sequel: yes, it's a direct sequel to oot. the opening may be a little confusing if you haven't played it but otherwise you're fine

story-heavy: yes, VERY. the character-work alone is unparalleled even by modern standards

edge level: EXTREMELY HIGH. this is without a doubt the darkest and most haunting game in the series

the premise: link, trying to escape his problems back home, gets thrown into an unfamiliar world where the moon is going to fall and destroy everything in only three days. with the help of multiple forms (link can shift into a deku, goron, or zora), and time travel, link relives the same three days over and over again, exploring clock town and the lands around it, and getting to know its people, so he can find a way to help everyone and prevent the oncoming apocalypse.

the good: holy cast of characters, batman! as with every zelda game, there is exploration and dungeon-crawling, and these are phenomenal here - of particular note is how the use of 4 different forms plays into puzzle-solving - but the real meat of this game comes from its incredible cast. near the beginning of the game you are given a journal, in which to note the schedules and habits of each and every resident of termina as you learn them. you play the same three days over and over, so while the clock is always ticking, there's an infinite time to get to know them. each character reacts to the upcoming armageddon differently: some are resigned, some are frightened, some are brave, and some are in denial. (notably, one minor character who appears brave crumbles in the final hours, begging not to die.) who these people are and the sorrows they carry around with them to the end of the world define this game and make it like no other.

the bad: look, it's a game about an upcoming apocalypse. you're on the sinking titanic and the clock counts down every precious second and no matter what you do there will ALWAYS be that time limit, which not everyone likes. it's stressful, and it can be sad and tragic, even upsetting at times, which is kind of a requirement for the powerful catharsis it also offers. it's very different to the usual zeldas - no zelda or ganondorf or hyrule - which also isn't everyone's bag. it's also a huge timesink - you really miss a lot of the point if you don't 100% it or at least get all of the masks, which takes a long time and a guide (although it is fun as hell the whole time).

the verdict: some people really hate the time limit and find it imposing. i mostly don't have a problem with it - sometimes i have to race to finish a task before i run out of time so i HAVE time to travel back before i get blown to bits, but without this mechanic, the game wouldn't work at all. famously, this game was made in only one year (hence the reused assets), so the pressure the devs felt really came out in their work. i think it's a fucking masterpiece, but it is a game about death, among other things, so if you need a feel-good title this one probably isn't your stop. that said, the incredibly powerful cast makes this game timeless - if not for the graphics you'd hardly know it's aged at all. even newer gamers should enjoy this one, but use a guide! for a game this complex it's more important to find everything than it is to do it blind.

bonus verdict: while the graphical improvements on the 3ds are wonderful, and the added fishing minigame is great, i mostly preferred the controls of the original. new players may not notice the difference, though!

Oracles of Ages & Oracle of Seasons (2001)

original console: gameboy color

available on switch: not at the time of writing, but nintendo has confirmed it is coming to nso (basic)

also available on: snes (super gameboy), gcn (gameboy player), gba, original ds (backwards compatibility), 3ds (virtual console), pc (emulation)

average playtime: 16-25 for oracle of ages, 15-21 for oracle of seasons, leading to about 31-46 hours total

mainline game: no

sequel: not linked to any other games in the series, but they're technically both sequels to each othjer - more below

story-heavy: no, about medium-low

edge level: low

the premise: link hears the triforce calling out to him, and when he investigates, is thrown into one of two words, depending on which game you're playing. these two games stand alone, but they can also be linked via a code so that your playthrough on one can be transferred over to the other (like golden sun, if you've ever played those games). you can choose which game to play first. at the end of your playthrough, you can get a code, which can then be entered on the other game - complete both and you get a secret special grand finale. somewhat like pokemon games, the games complement each other in their differences, thoguh the differences here are much more drastic - they have different overworlds and dungeons, a slightly different set of items, and a different way of interacting with the world (by either traveling through the ages or by changing the season). oracle of ages is focused on puzzle-solving, while oracle of seasons is focused on combat and action.

the good: what a dense and detailed little adventure these games are! with a double of everything from items sets to overworlds, there's a ton to do. the worlds have a ton of variety and can feel endless at times. and since they were built on (i think) the link's awakening engine, gameplaywise it's kind of like getting to play a really good sequel to that game for the first time...twice. the lore is fun, the lands are fun, there's a couple of unforgettable tracks i still listen to. since you can play the games in either order, there's a good bit of REplayability involved, because hardcore fans will want to experience it both ways - leading to two playthroughs of each game, meaning four total playthroughs, for up to a whopping total of 92 hours of gameplay. talk about bang for your buck!

the bad: the codes are a real pain in the ass to work with, and you really can't get by without them. not only is it essential for moving your file from one game to the other, but you can also use them to get special items from one file to another. it's SO EASY to enter these codes in wrong and SO TEDIOUS to have to check them character by character. here's hoping the nso version has a better way (though i'm not holding my breath).

the verdict: an absolute must for any 2d zelda fan. first-time players, i HIGHLY recommending playing ages first. there's an important side-character in ages whose story gets resolved in seasons, but not if you play seasons first. of course, if you really like the games a lot, you can always start over and play them in the other order for different cutscenes.

Wind Waker (2002)

original console: gamecube

available on switch: no :(

also available on: wii u (hd port), pc (emulation)

average playtime: 25-60 hours

mainline game: yes

sequel: technically, this is one POSSIBLE sequel to ocarina of time (which splintered the timeline, leading to multiple possible branching paths), though it takes place hundreds of years later. it has the same ganondorf from that game, but you should understand everything just fine whether you've played oot or not.

story-heavy: yes

edge level: medium-low - there are some more serious moments, and this is technically a post-apocalypse story, but overall this is one of the more bright and joyful games

the premise: this is a hyrule that was flooded by the gods when the hero of an ancient era could not show up to defeat ganondorf. people live on former mountaintops, now islands, interconnected by only the sea, and sailing is very dangerous. when link's younger sister is kidnapped, he has to leave his little island and go on a sea-faring adventure with pirates in order to get her back and unlock the mysteries of the hyrule beneath the waves.

the good: the game is vibrant, colorful, beautiful, and full of life. even if you don't like the cartoony art style (and i have mixed feelings), you can't deny the ambiance. there's a new combat system where for the first time you can pick up the dropped weapons of enemies, and the cast is stand-out - the "zelda" of this game is more hands-on than in any other title, and ganondorf is at his most sympathetic here, not to mention all the minor characters and their various sidequests. the characters are truly some of the funniest and most endearing yet - this game will make you laugh out loud. the enemies and bosses are unique and fun to grapple with (special shoutout to helmaroc king) and there's no shortage of stuff to do.

the bad: firstly, we have to mention the art style, which has been a little divisive over the years. it won't be for everybody. i like it for the most part, because you couldn't get the same vibe without it, but i do wish it was just a little less stylized - just a little! secondly, the game is just not finished. the development was rushed, leading to the cutting of an entire dungeon and a poorly-implemented second half where the focus shifts from exploration and dungeons to a near-ENDLESS fetch-quest for triforce pieces which involves a LOT of incredibly tedious and time-consuming sailing. (as kids, some trips were so long we could just set the direction and leave the controller on the floor while we took a bathroom break.)

the verdict: overall, the flaws aren't enough to ruin what is a truly great adventure. fans of the more serious games (hi! me!) may find themselves wishing wind waker had leaned into its post-apocalyptic setting and mysterious drowned world aspect more, and fans of lighter zeldas will find themselves wishing the damn thing was finished, but overall, everyone should find it's worth at least one playthrough, unless you absolutely cannot tolerate the visuals. fans of lighter zeldas, combat, and pirates will all love this one.

Four Swords (2002)

original console: gameboy advance

available on switch: no :(

also available on: 3ds (single-player remake), potentially pc (idk if emulation of the original is possible considering the connectivity, but you could almost certainly emulate the remake)

average playtime: 3-17 hours

mainline game: no

sequel: technically, it's a sequel to minish cap, but minish cap hadn't been made yet, so whatever

story-heavy: not at all

edge level: non-existent

the premise: link pulls the ancient "four sword" in order to defeat bad guy vaati and becomes split into 4 selves. this game was the first multiplayer zelda, and you had to have three friends, all with their own gameboys and link cables, to even play this bad boy. from what i understand in most of the game you just compete to see who can get the most rupees? a single-player version was released on the 3ds a few years later but i don't know if you can still buy it legit or if the 3ds store was shut down. since it was so inaccessible, pretty much no one played this, including me, so i can't give it a proper writeup. probably nobody reading this will ever get a chance to experience four swords how it was originally meant to be played either, but you can find this game's spirit in similar titles like four swords adventures or minish cap, which are much more accessible.

Four Swords Adventures (2004)

original console: gamecube

available on switch: no :(

also available on: uh yeah that's it. just the gamecube. you may be able to emulate it on pc though - i've never tried

average playtime: 15 hours

mainline game: no

sequel: teeechnically a sequel to the original four swords, but nobody played that, it's fine

story-heavy: not at all

edge level: very low

the premise: a sequel to four swords, this was intended to be the sleeker and (somewhat...) more accessible version. you can play this one as a single player, but my brother and i did it on co-op with a link cable and a gameboy sp - just the two of us, and no need to find two other friends - we each controlled two links each, to simplify it.

the good: the game is FUNNN as hell. the graphics are sleek as fuck because it's a 2d game running on a system capable of rendering 3d ones (just look at those flame effects!), the gameplay is addictive, and co-op puzzles are a blast. nintendo has always come out strong when it comes to in-person multiplayer (even if they have yet to catch up with online multiplayer...) and this is no exception. for anyone who ever wished they could sit on the floor and play zelda with their siblings the same way they played mario kart or smash bros, this game is a dream come true.

the bad: this game is still so GODDAMN inaccessible. we were lucky enough to have the gameboys and link cables we needed, but i don't have any idea how you'd go about playing it with other people now without some extremely tedious emulation or buying some extremely old (and expensive) gaming equipment. sure, emulating the single-player version on gcn is no big, but the game really shines in its multiplayer aspect, which is all but impossible for most people to enjoy now. it's incredibly frustrating.

the verdict: if you're lucky or rich enough to own a gamecube, a gameboy, and a link cable (multiple gameboys and link cables?) in 2023, AND you have a friend or three to play it with, please pick this one up. unless you just hate 2d zeldas, it is a FUCKING blast, and zelda fans the world over are probably envious they can't experience it for themselves.

Minish Cap (2004)

original console: gameboy advance

available on switch: yes, with nso (expansion pack)

also available on: original ds (backwards compatibility), 3ds, wii u (virtual console)

average playtime: 15-27 hours

mainline game: no

sequel: no, but it is a prequel to the four sword series (made well after those games were released)

story-heavy: medium-light - about the level of most 2d zelda games

edge level: very low - this is such a bright and cheerful adventure

the premise: in an adventure meant to explain vaati of four sword fame's origins, you meet teeny-tiny people known as the minish, who live in teeny-tiny spaces all over hyrule. they mend shoes, use pots and old boots as houses, fight dust mites, and leave surprise gifts such as rupees and hearts beneath pots and the like to help adventurers. by shrinking and growing you explore various nooks and crannies and solve a ton of puzzles, and through fusing items called kinstones with strangers you can change or uncover more of the overworld and unlock even more secrets

the good: the game is beautiful, bright, and fun. the soundtrack is catchy, the gameplay is addictive, the puzzles are very fresh, and the kinstone fusion feature means you'll be doing a lot of backtracking and replaying to see all this game has to offer.

the bad: besides zelda, i didn't find myself terribly enthralled with most of the cast. the reused sound effects from other games can be nostalgic sometimes but sometimes they feel a bit cheap, since they had to be downsized; they're the audio equivalent of a pixelated jpg. and as great as the soundtrack is, it suffered from the same thing.

the verdict: my nitpicks with this game are minor - i think it's a wonderful and fresh entry into the series, and probably one of if not the best 2D zelda. if you like 2D zelda at all, you'll want to pick it up.

Twilight Princess (2006)

original console: gamecube AND wii (i know)

available on switch: no :(

also available on: wii u (hd port), pc (emulation)

average playtime: 30-56 hours

mainline game: yes

sequel: technically, this is another possible sequel to oot, taking place 100 years later, and involving oot's ganondorf. (it has nothing to do with the timeline wind waker is on.)

story-heavy: yes, very - the cutscenes look great, the mocap for this game is wonderful

edge level: very high

the premise: 100 years after ocarina of time, darkness falls across hyrule in the form of "twilight," desolating every part of hyrule that it touches by turning its denizens into ghosts, and forcing princess zelda to surrender to zant, the king of the twilight realm. when link's village is destroyed by this twilight and he is turned into a wolf, he leaves to save zelda, save hyrule, and save his home. this game was meant to be a gcn title originally, but development was delayed for so long that they began co-developing it for the wii and released it as a launch title for that console.

the good: where do i start? this game was intended to be a return to oot's more realistic artstyle after many years of the wind waker art style in spin-off games, and was in fact a spiritual remake of oot in many ways. it is similar graphically, tonally, and gameplay wise - it's the oot they wanted to make in 1998, only with a more powerful engine, and fans loved it - check out this video of its announcement at e3 - it still gives me chills. famously, this game introduced horseback combat, which the devs had really wanted to implement in oot and were forced to give up on due to hardware limitations. the cast and the puzzles are all great on this one, and the world is huge and full of surprises, but of particular note is your partner midna, who comes with a better story and more personality than any partner before or since (sorry, king of red lions). lesbians and their associates will LOVE whatever the hell she has going on with zelda in this game. twilight princess also has the most fleshed-out swordplay of any zelda game - the various techniques you learn from the ghost swordsman are fun as hell, and every single boss battle in this game absolutely fucks.

the bad: despite its high moments, the story in this game is just a little weirdly paced. ganondorf was brought in kind of suddenly, and link's childhood friend from his village, whom the story focuses on a lot, is maybe not the most compelling character (sorry to ilia fans - she's okay, just not my favorite). not everybody liked this game's emulation of oot, and some people felt it was uninspired. personally, my gripes are mostly about the dual-console release; having played both versions multiple times, i think they both suffered from being co-developed. because the wii version uses motion controls and most people are right-handed they switched to a right-handed link for the wii (BLASPHEMY), meaning they actually flipped the entire world horizontally, and there are times when the laziness of this action is very apparent when playing the wii version. while the controls are superior on the wii (there's a mandatory shooting minigame that's all but impossible on gcn connected to a crt tv), the graphics just...look a little aged for a wii game, whereas they look damn good for a gamecube game. the hd remake fixes this, but since it's only on the wii u, fucking nobody has played it, and it remains inaccessible to most players except through emulation.

the verdict: if you can get your hands on this, do it. despite its flaws it's a classic meat-and-potatoes zelda adventure. fans of combat and more serious stories will especially love this one. personally, i preferred the gcn version because of left-handed link, but i do think the motion aiming on the wii (and wii u?) was a great addition, so it's a matter of preference as far as if you want the hd graphics and what controller feels correct in your hands.

Phantom Hourglass (2007)

original console: nintendo ds

available on switch: no :(

also available on: wii u (virtual console), pc (emulation)

average playtime: 17-31 hours

mainline game: no

sequel: a direct sequel to wind waker - not sure if you need to have played that to understand; from what i can tell there are actually a few plotholes

story-heavy: medium, i think?

edge level: low, as far as i know

the premise: after tetra gets sucked into a ghost shiop ad vanishes, link has to set sail on a new ship to find a way to free her. that's all i really know because, okay, up-front, i did not finish it. i did not give it a fair shake. it's got great reviews and they can't all be wrong, but i found controlling link with a stylus (the ds had no control stick) frustrating, the game hard to see (the graphics are trying to emulate ww's style on less capable hardware), and the story uncompelling (tetra? a damsel??). i know a lot of people really love linebeck and i wanna love him too one day, but until then, get your answers from the people who love this game!

Spirit Tracks (2009)

original console: nintendo ds

available on switch: no :(

also available on: wii u (virtual console), pc (emulation)

average playtime: 20-33 hours

mainline game: no

sequel: to wind waker and phantom hourglass, technically, though it takes place 100 years after those games

story-heavy: medium, i think?

edge level: low, as far as i know

the premise: 100 years after wind waker and phantom hourglass, a new hyrule has been founded above the waves and it has TRAINS. for some reason zelda gets zapped out of her body and can now follow you around as a cool ghost who possesses bigass statues to help you out. that's right, your partner for this game IS ZELDA. the main theme for this game is so catchy it's a crime. i never played this since i didn't finish phantom hourglass, but it looks so fucking cool that i wanna power through phantom hourglass despite my initial reservations just so i can take a crack at it.

Skyward Sword (2011)

original console: wii

available on switch: yes, as an hd port

also available on: wii u (virtual console & backwards compatibility), pc (emulation)

average playtime: 30-58

mainline game: yes

sequel: no - in fact, it's the prequel to every zelda, being that it's the very first one in the timeline

story-heavy: yes, very

edge level: mostly low, but it does have its serious moments

the premise: taking place at the very start of zelda's long and complex timeline, this game seeks to explain the origins of hyrule's creation and and some of its mythology. link and the other proto-hylians live in islands high above the clouds and attend the school for flying around on bigass birds, not knowing if there even is a world below, until one day zelda (not a princess but the headmaster's daughter) gets dragged down by a dark force, and link must venture into the land below to save her.

the good: skyward sword is oozing ambiance. a standout area of this game is lanayru desert, in which you can use a timeshift stone to shift the area directly around you back in time by 1000 years or so and watch it come to life with greenery. this soundtrack is fully orchestrated, we get to hear zelda sing (her first voice acting debut!), and when the motion controls are on, they're REALLY on. sometimes the swordfights feel like actual duels. the cast of side-characters all get a lot of development (shoutout to my man groose!), and the villains are creepy and quirky. the dungeons in skyward sword are especially good - the cistern in particular is one of the best in the game, but we can't forget the ghost ship or the sky temple either. minor spoilers for the story, here, but finding out WHY there are so many zelda games and the struggle against evil never ends (it's a literal curse) was really cool and really reframed how a lot of people saw the series and the characters - it's a lot more tragic that they have a fate they can't escape from so long as zelda fans want more games.

the bad: minor spoilers for the story here too. as far as prequels go it did not make a lot of sense. there's nothing about the three goddesses we've come to know and love, only about the minor goddess hylia, and the ancient hyrule features species that don't ever make another appearance mole guys and seahorse dudes. there aren't any zoras or gerudo or koroks/kokiri, there's only one goron, we only see two sheikah...it feels so far removed from the hyrule we know that it doesn't feel like a prequel at all. additionally, when the motion controls aren't good, they're REALLY bad - especially on the switch version, which has less precise controls than the wii. finally, while i personally didn't mind it (puzzles!), a lot of people disliked how linear the overworld was and complained there was no exploration. another common frustration, one which i share, is how much the game holds your hand. (this famously inspired toriel in the game undertale to LITERALLY hold your hand and do the puzzle for you.) this game will present a puzzle and then have the nearest npc (most often fi, poor fi, she undeservedly gets all the blame for this) explain how to do it before giving you even one chance to try for yourself.

the verdict: it has its flaws, but i still enjoy it a lot. i think more experienced players will be very frustrated with it at times, and people who hate motion mechanics or constant alerts/lots of useless dialogue will be miserable. (you can turn motion controls off in the switch version but it feels unnatural because of how sword-swinging works.) on the other hand, the game's linear and hand-holdy nature actually makes it a perfect start for brand new gamers, especially given where it falls on the timeline.

A Link Between Worlds (2013)

original console: 3ds

available on switch: no :(

also available on: pc (emulation)

average playtime: 16-23 hours

mainline game: no

sequel: takes place at least 100 years after a link to the past, and even uses the same overworld! you don't have to play that to understand this though.

story-heavy: medium, about the level you expect for 2d zeldas

edge level: medium-high

the premise: link turns into a little flat guy so he can go more places! this is a sequel involving the inhabitants of lorule, a parallel world to hyrule, one without a triforce. go back and forth between kingdoms to save hyrule from suffering the same fate, all while trying to kick a giant rabbit guy out of your house.

the good: the puzzles in this one are really fun and fresh, the old overworld map feels super nostalgic, the music is charming, and being able to tackle the dungeons in any order is a nice touch. i especially loved getting to know certain inhabitants of lorule.

the bad: the non-linear style won't be for everyone, and i wish i had been able to spend more time getting to know hilda in particular.

the verdict: this in my opinion is one of the best 2D zeldas - if you're a 2D zelda fan, especially a alttp fan, don't miss it!

Hyrule Warriors (2014, 2016, 2018)

original console: wii u

available on switch: yes, as a remake/collection

also available on: this is complicated. the game was originally released on wii u, then ported to the 3ds with new added content but i think mising some other content, and then FINALLY released on the switch with ALL the content. you can also emulate any version on the pc

average playtime: 17-38 hours, though people report up to a whopping 366 hours to 100% it

mainline game: no

sequel: no

story-heavy: medium-ish. there's cool cutscenes but it's not that deep

edge level: low, this shit is just balls to the wall crazy-ass fun

the premise: a crossover between dynasty warriors and zelda. turn zelda into a beat-em-up and add cameos from popular characters doing increasingly batshit anime fighting moves. what's not to like?

the good: this game is insane. the electric guitar soundtrack, the cameos, the nostaliga - it's all here. the gameplay is good mindless fun you can really sink your teeth into, and despite it not being the point i had fun running around and exploring all the maps. there's so, so, SO much to do (366 hours!) you will literally never see the end of it.

the bad: the OCs are maybe not my favorite people. i don't know if they come from other dynasty warriors games but they were a little annoying and truly, uh, underdressed. also, as someone who likes to 100% games, it annoys me that i'll likely never 100% this, just because of the sheer timesink/grinding required.

the verdict: if you like fighting games and combat, this is for you. if you're into zelda for the serious story stuff and the puzzles, give it a pass. completionists beware, 100%ing this game is NOT for the faint-hearted.

Tri Force Heroes (2015)

original console: 3ds

available on switch: no :(

also available on: pc (emulation)

average playtime: 14-26 hours, but up to 56 hours to 100% it

mainline game: no

sequel: takes place a few years after a link between worlds - not sure if you need to play that to understand this, but it seems unlikely

story-heavy: doesn't look like it

edge level: low. oh my god, he's in a little cheerleader outfit. look at him

the premise: i don't really know, i think you crossdress to gain superpowers and then solve puzzles with your buds. i didn't play this one because i didn't have 2 friends with a 3ds and a flexible schedule. apparently there's a one-player mode, but it just doesn't seem as fun, and the lack of a 2-player mode is sad because my brother and i could've rocked it. like the four swords series, this looks like great multiplayer fun, but it's inaccessible to people without the time or coordination to get 3 people together. it looks fun as hell, though.

Breath of the Wild (2017)

original console: dual launch on wii u and switch

available on switch: yes, obviously :)

also available on: pc (emulation)

average playtime: 50-100 hours, though to 100% everything and enjoy the dlc it could take up to 210!

mainline game: yes

sequel: technically, it's a sequel to everything, since it takes place at the end of (somehow) every timeline. but you don't have to have any prior experience to enjoy it

story-heavy: medium-heavy? this is the first zelda game with voice acting, and what cutscenes it does have are amazing, but you can expect to see only a very few of them

edge level: very high (this is once again post-apocalyptic), but not as high as majora's mask or twilight princess

the premise: link wakes after a 100 year sleep with no memory of who he is or what happened to the ruined world around him. explore a completely open world in your own way at your own pace, recover your memories, rescue zelda.

the good: this game hit the industry at a thousand miles per hour and six years later the hype still hasn't slowed down. this redefined the series and the genre in a way we haven't seen since oot in 1998. this game is revolutionary in the way that oot was revolutionary back then, but updated so that newer players find it just as surprising and refreshing as new players in 1998 found oot back then. the exploration, the physics, and the world are all totally unparalleled - three decades later, this zelda truly gets back to the original explorer and adventuring spirit miyamoto tried so hard to capture in the very first legend of zelda game all the way back in 1986.

the bad: as much fun as this world is to play around in, i found that most of my joy came from the exploration and not knowing what i'd find around the next corner. it's still a very, very, VERY good game, but i found that on my replay it just didn't have that same shininess that other games in the series do when i replay them. and, of course, because it's so different it's very divisive - there's no human ganondorf in this game, no dungeons - all your puzzle-solving comes in microdungeons called shrines scattered around hyrule. weapon durability is also a hotly debated feature - even i found it frustrating at times, although in many ways the forced improvisation it brings to the table is more than worth the cost of admission. and overall the enemies are all the same and have no real difference between them, even the bosses, and the boss fights kind of suck. it's a really good game, but it does have its flaws.

the verdict: this is the perfect starting point for anyone new to the series. many people have started with this game and learned about hyrule alongside the amnesiac link - i had an extremely interesting discussion once with someone on tumblr about how the game is different if you've grown up loving hyrule and see it get torn apart, vs if the only hyrule you know IS the one that's torn apart. both ways are wonderful experiences, and i think even non-zelda fans would find something to love in the freedom this game offers.

Cadence of Hyrule (2019)

original console: switch

available on switch: yes, obviously :)

also available on: pc (emulation)

average playtime: 6-11 hours, but you can add up to 12 more if you play the dlc

mainline game: no

sequel: no

story-heavy: not really

edge level: low

the premise: a crossover with crypt of the necrodancer, a roguelike rhythm game. there's no real story here except, notably, a brief cameo of a younger ganondorf, though his back is always turned to you. (if you could go back and kill ganondorf as a baby...)

the good: well, a rhythm game's gotta have good music, right? both the rehashes of the old songs and the new music are absolutely stellar here. i'm normally iffy on rhythm games but i found the gameplay addictive (there's a strong tactical element to moving around) and the exploration fun. getting to play as zelda (!!!) if you want is a great bonus, too. there's really nothing not to love.

the bad: the kind of movement you have in this game doesn't lend itself super well to boss fights most of the time. they weren't bad by any means but definitely one of the weaker parts of the experience.

the verdict: unless you hate rhythm games or hate fun, you'll like this one, especially if you're a crypt of the necrodancer fan or a fan of zelda's music in general. puzzle fans might be disappointed there aren't as many mind-twisters in this one, though.

Hyrule Warriors: Age of Calamity (2020)

original console: switch

available on switch: yes, obviously :)

also available on: pc (emulation)

average playtime: 25-40 hours, though it can take up to 76 hours to 100% it

mainline game: no

sequel: a direct prequel to breath of the wild and its eventual but as-of-yet unreleased sequel tears of the kingdom

story-heavy: yes

edge level: relatively low, i'm told

the premise: so this is a prequel to botw, taking place during the era just before the apocalypse. i didn't finish it because it came out right around nov 5 2020 (iykyk) and then someone spoiled the ending for me and i thought it sounded stupid, so i was less motivated to play. what little i did play of it was great, though - it was exciting and fun in all the ways the original hyrule warriors was but bigger and badder in every respect, and with a little more of that somber botw flavor. i intend to finish before totk comes out despite my reservations about the story.

The Conclusion

it's a great time to be a zelda fan because out of the 22 games on this list, only 8 of them are unavailable on nintendo switch, and only 2 of those are what i would consider to be mainline games. that means you can access two thirds of the ENTIRE SERIES, spanning almost 4 decades, on a single console! your only limits are your time and your wallet. most of the ones that AREN'T available on the switch can be played on a 3ds, so if you have or buy one, nearly the entire series is at your fingertips. (you can emulate the shit out of your 3ds, btw, and play a lot of these gameboy, gba, and ds games for free - nintendo isn't looking anymore so they don't care.)

sorry i couldn't fully cover all games - i welcome opinions from people who have played games i've missed in the tags. when i do get around to playing them, i will come back and update this guide! expect an entry for totk eventually too. thanks for reading and i hope it was helpful to someone!

[onyx-archer]

Open World, Shallow Structure: A Look at Zelda and It's Future

Originally, I was going to make my next post about another Life is Strange game, but I've been in a bit of a Zelda mood thanks to playing around with the Ocarina of TIme/Majora's Mask Combo Randomizer, so I wanted to talk about the Zelda series for a minute. As the title would suggest, I wanted to talk about Zelda's current open world direction, why I'm not a fan, and where I think it could improve.

As this is more about game design and less about story, spoilers will be minimal, but present. Just assume that I'm expecting you to be familiar with most Zelda games and their stories, and that I'll mention things from them when I think it's relevant. I'm going to be citing things from the 3D Zelda titles especially, because 2D Zelda is a different beast, but I'll mention things about them when necessary to illustrate a point. I'll put this under the cut cause it's gonna be long, but I have a lot of thoughts.

I also want to say up front that if you like the modern style of Zelda seen in Breath of the Wild and Tears of the Kingdom, that's great! You saw something in those games that I didn't, and I don't want to take that away from you! I just want to talk shop about Zelda's current struggle with game design as a fan who's been playing these games since they were like, 6.

With that, you know the drill, go under the cut if you wanna keep reading.

When I first played Breath of the Wild, I want to be real with y'all for a minute: I put it down after a few hours. I had basically gotten to the point where I was on my way to Zora's Domain, got side-tracked by some Shrines and other stuff, and got bored. What a lot of people see as an adventure full of wonder just felt like I was being side tracked by things that ultimately didn't matter. I've since beaten the game, and even 100%'d it, which is something I'd never recommend anyone sane do more than once.

Cards on the table: I haven't really touched Tears of the Kingdom in any real capacity yet. I watched some people play it, and asked a friend who is a diehard Zelda fan what he thought, and both things lead to the same conclusion: it's just Breath of the Wild 2.0. Which, I mean, duh, of course it was, that's a game that a lot of people liked, and so Nintendo would have to be pretty freaking dumb to not capitalize on that. Even I was initially positive about the choice, because I had thought that since they were going to be building off of the base of a game as beloved as BotW, that we'd see something like a "Majora's Mask" to BotW's "Ocarina of Time" in a lot of ways. In some ways, we got that, but in most ways where I think it mattered, we didn't.

So how can I judge a game I really haven't played? Well, it's built off of one I have played, so I can look at it through that lens. I can also take what I've heard from friends who have played it into consideration. With those things in mind, I've come up with a few core problems that I have with the current direction of Zelda that I hope are righted when the next game comes out in like, 7 years (cause let's be real, it's gonna be a long while before the next big game hits).

The Dungeons:

A big sticking point for a lot of more classic fans of the Zelda series that has yet to actually be remedied is the dungeons. More specifically, how the two most recent titles (not counting the Link's Awakening remake and the Skyward Sword remaster) don't really have tightly designed dungeons. I believe this is a consequence of the open-ended design, and the fact that the developers have leaned too hard into "solve the puzzles in any number of different ways" to allow for that tight design.

Zelda dungeons in the past, for the most part, are a combination of combat encounters and puzzle rooms, with a sense of exploration as you move through them. While I feel as though the combat aspect has been preserved to a degree, everything else is just lacking.

The combat in Zelda pre-Skyward Sword was pretty basic for the most part (just whacking guys with glorified sticks), and this is something that Breath of the Wild has objectively improved in a lot of ways. Combat just feels better, even if there's objectively a lot of jank when managing the inventory to swap between weapons. The only part of combat that is outright trash is the weapon degradation, which I'll cover later.

However, there is one thing that has been lost in this, and it ties into the puzzle element: boss fights.

Bosses in Zelda's past are basic in certain respects, but have layers that lean into the puzzle solving component of the game design. Usually, the bosses require you to play into the dungeon gimmick, which usually involves the tool you get in said dungeon, or in the lead up to the dungeon, which is the case for something like Bongo Bongo in Ocarina of Time. While sure, a lot of this leads to pretty obvious design quirks that make the bosses less challenging overall for some, and lead to mixed results as the series went on, the bosses did more than test your mettle, they tested you on the tools you have.

For every item that has limited use like the Spinner in Twilight Princess, there are items that have utility in ways beyond their dungeon of acquisition. This is typically for staples like the Bow, the Bombs, the Hookshot, etc, but it can also be for things like the Gust Jar or the Beetle from Skyward Sword. Yeah, they aren't as universally useful, but they are still useful, and can be used to add puzzle variety. Beyond just using the tool to exploit a weakness in the boss, they had other uses, and while some were definitely more limited than others, it was still some use.

Modern Zelda has decided that puzzles should be solvable in ways tied to the tools you get during the tutorial for the most part, and I think this has lead to the degradation of feeling of solving a puzzle. While sure, there are times when open-ended solutions to puzzles feels satisfying, it also leads to situations where the player can just cheese an answer, and while that may satisfy some in a creative sense, it leaves the people who want to solve head scratchers feeling like they wasted their time trying to think how the developers wanted the puzzle to be solved.

The fact that BotW and TotK puzzles can be solved in a number of ways, but also really only expect the player to have the tools they got during the tutorial area makes the puzzles feel... flat, for the lack of a better term.

This, in tern, makes the design of dungeons feel less satisfying to explore, because it has lead to the designers basically making all of the dungeon "find X number of keys to open the door to the boss." Yeah, classic Zelda was that at it's core, but the puzzles, while certainly not super complex because of their target audience, often had variety in ways that the modern ones just don't. That variety masked the blatant "find keys" part of the journey, which I feel is so obvious in the modern games that it sucks the sense of wonder exploring the dungeons used to bring. From what I've seen of TotK, this problem is made worse because the game just tells you that you need to find 5 things to unlock a door up front, and that's just kinda lame.

I'm not going to pretend the puzzles in OoT are complete brain ticklers, but they had some fun solutions. Opening the door to the boss of Dodongo's Cavern involved a simple riddle about dropping bombs into the eyes of a giant Dodongo Skull to open it's mouth. It was a fun concept that was really only used once in that game, and it sticks out in my memory to this day. Most of the puzzles in BotW, by contrast, are less interesting outside of the moment you're doing them because they mix the same assets together so much that it all bleeds into one amorphas blob.

Shrines only further make this a problem, because the Shrines have you do these sorts of puzzles outside of dungeons, making them less creative overall over the course of the game. There's only so many times you can have me use Magnesis or Statis Launches to solve similar set ups before I get bored. I do like the idea of Shrines, but there are too damn many of them!

Also of note is the lack of meaningful rewards for doing the Shrines or the Dungeons. Sure, the Shrines give you a resource that lets you increase your Health and Stamina, but that's really it. The chests are largely worthless because they hold weapons that break (at least in BotW), or other things you can just farm from enemies, or just buy. I don't feel rewarded for using my brain, I feel like I'm going down a checklist for some more health. Heart Pieces often had some kind of puzzle or series of things you needed to do to get them, but they felt so much more rewarding because the feeling of getting 4 of them (or however many you need in other games) gave you a satisfying little jingle that hit you with some dopamine like "Look at you! You got a little stronger by using your skull spaghetti!"

My Proposed Solution:

Simply put, my solution is to cut the Shrine number down by half, and make only half of them doable out of the gate. Then I'd use those resources to make unique, tightly design dungeons that give you a unique tool that you can use to solve puzzles with that won't break, and allow those items to be woven into puzzle solutions.

This way, you get some puzzle elements that are open-ended that you can logic out however you want, and then you get some puzzles that have more specific, guided solutions that test your knowledge of the tools you have. You can walk into a Shrine, see a thing that you can't do, and go "okay, there's a tool I need to be able to do this, but I don't have it yet," and know that you'll be able to come back to it later for a puzzle that tests your knowledge as you acquire more tools.

Dungeons could then have more time dedicated to giving them a unique theme and vibe. Unique assets, and a proper sense of wonder that makes them feel worthwhile. Dungeons, I feel, should be guided experiences that progressively introduce new ideas to test the player, rather than just be open ended boxes that have like 5 puzzles that are solved in similar ways to previous puzzles you've likely solved to open a door. They should have a sense of place and spectacle.

Personally, if we were to use the world of BotW/TotK as the basis, I'd have each dungeon reflect the ancient versions of the races civilizations and cultures. Basically, double down on the whole Ancient Sheikah idea, and apply it to the other races of Hyrule. I'd love to see something like an ancient mine of the Gorons teaming with gems and Dodongos, or the dilapidated sunken remains of an ancient Zora city, just to name a few basic things. Pull from the series past and history to create places oozing with cultural atmosphere that stimulates a sense of wonder, but also filled with dangers that excite those seeking the thrill of adventure.

2. The Story

While I am aware that TotK vastly improved the story being told compared to BotW, I think it can't be denied that the open-ended approach to the story is hurting the pacing of things immensely, and leads to a lot of awkward scenarios. The fact that you can view the memories out of order in both BotW and TotK is insane to me, but that's not the only issue.

While open-ended open worlds are good for gameplay stuff, it has taken a toll on having the story of Zelda feel like it has much substance. Sure, you can sit there and say TotK story is good if you sit down and focus on it, but that's the problem: because you can do things in any order, the story loses a lot of traction. I've seen the cutscenes for completing the dungeons in TotK, and the fact that you basically see slightly different versions of the same thing, but with a different narrator, is what I'm talking about.

I personally think that the story is too loosely strung together in these titles because they feel they have to be for the sake of immersion or something, but that is silly to me. You can have an open-ended game that has structure to a plot that is less open, because other devs have been doing it for years. Older Zeldas have done it, to a degree.

Older Zelda titles often did expect you to follow a path the designers laid out for you, but that's because stories often need that kind of structure to be told in any sort of cohesive way. It's like playing a tight game of D&D, where the DM is allowing the players some flexibility, but is still going to guide the players down a path toward some sort of conclusion. The path to that ending may be slightly different, but there are still plot beats that get to that conclusion that occur in a certain order. It's a lot of work, but often leads to satisfying campaigns. And I'm speaking as someone who doesn't care much for D&D.

I think Zelda needs to have a loose, but still very much guided structure. Part of the reason I get so bored playing BotW when I do play it is that the game gives me so much freedom to do whatever, and no real sense of direction outside of a few map markers for the areas you need to go for the main quest. Yeah, that can feel liberating, but it makes it feel more like I'm wandering around in the dark, and less like I'm on a grand adventure, y'know?

I don't want things to go full blown Skyward Sword, where you're effectively on rails, have have to do basically everything in the order the designers wanted you to, cause that feels bad in Zelda too. I think the story should set itself up in such a way where the player is limited to a small pool of possible events that can be seen in any order, but all need to be completed to access the next pool of things, which could be larger. Much like how both Link to the Past divides the game between the 3 Light World dungeons and 6 Dark World dungeons with a trip to Hyrule Castle, or how Ocarina of Time requires you to get the Three Sacred Stones before you can do the Temples for the Medallions.

Events in the stories, as they are, feel like they expect that any dungeon should be your first, and there are only a small handful of dungeons. This, in theory, would be fine, but because each dungeon has to act as though you've never seen things before, it leads to very stale narrative presentation long term.

There's also another small issue that's eating away at the story of the games: the reliance on Ganon.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy Ganon/Ganondorf when he's done well, and he was several times in the past. I understand he's the big bad of the series, and he'll always be around, but he's been something of a stain on the series' ability to tell unique stories for a while. This was highlighted in Twilight Princess first, where he sort of just comes in and kicks Zant, a villain who was super imposing and interesting, to the curb for the sake of a lame twist. This was lame, sure, but I really don't like their reliance on Ganon in these recent games.

I could put up with it in BotW, because the game is ultimately about dealing with the Calamity, which is Ganon's essence of corruption given shape. It was dumb and basic, but BotW was sort of basic on purpose in a lot of ways with it's story, so I didn't mind. But with TotK? I feel like they just brought him back because it was easy, and because there are a lot of thirsty Ganondorf fans out there. I just see his inclusion after dealing with Calamity Ganon as a blight on what could have been a much cooler narrative.

My Proposed Solution:

As I mentioned above, I think the goal should be to apply a degree of limitation to the player in how much they can accomplish as they progress. This means there are only so many scenarios the game has to account for. If we, say, limit the player to the classic 3 "starter" dungeons before letting them go into the next batch, then it makes things easier to write around. Have each dungeon be tied to a thing going on in the area that is connected to the main plot, but serve as a piece of a larger puzzle.

Then, I'd establish a simple check: if the Player is visiting, say, the Goron Mines first, then they'll get a slightly different cutscene than if they did the Goron Mines after the Lost Zora City, to account for the idea that the player has already seen some of the set up already. Basically, have the stuff the player experiences be told in a set order in slightly different ways, depending on when the player experiences it sequentially, and adjust in accordance to the order to avoid unnecessary repetition of ideas being conveyed. That way, when Link gets insight into the broader narrative, it feels like a puzzle being solved, but the stuff surrounding that insight is focused on the area.

As for Ganon, it's a pretty simple thing: just don't use him for a little while. Again, I get he's the big bad of the franchise, but we've seen other villains in the series work. Even having a devout follower of Ganon take over and try to resurrect him for a game would be fine, if a bit cliche at this point. Let's see Vaati come back maybe? Or another interesting original villain like Majora/Skull Kid? I still want to learn more about lands besides Hyrule, and a unique villain from Ganon gives us plenty of opportunity to explore those lands.

Speaking of...

3. Hyrule

I don't think it's at all controversial to suggest that Hyrule's map in TotK makes it less satisfying to explore for a lot of people. Sure, there are new areas to check out in a post-Calamity Ganon world, and the added the Depths and the Sky Islands... but I mean, it still kind of sucks that 90% of the map is just a copy/paste job.

Beyond that, I've developed a bit of a pet peeve with the Zelda series and it's use of Hyrule. While I completely understand that it's the primary setting, and that's not really something I'm looking to change or anything, I just miss when we got other places to explore, y'know?

Majora's Mask has Termina, the Oracle games have their own countries, and even Tri Force Heroes has it's own unique setting, and that's just scratching the surface. I love when a Zelda game takes us outside of Hyrule to see other parts of the world, even if it just has a bunch of things that make it feel like a remixed version of Hyrule at it's core. Termina is like this, but I still want to go back there and explore how things have changed since then, y'know?

I don't really have a solution for this issue, I just really think they need to be willing to go outside of Hyrule more often... especially with the next game, just to have things feel fresh again.

4. Weapon Degradation and UI

I don't know about y'all, but I hate the weapons I'm using breaking, but having no real way to repair them. Sure, I know you can often find duplicates or, in the case of TotK, you can just build a new copy of the thing you like, but I still hate it.

A lot of this is compounded by the fact that a lot of chests just contain weapons that will break after a few uses, and it just makes the act of fighting things feel more tedious. I know some would say it adds a degree of tension, but I and many, many others don't like it. It says a lot about the system that when you disable it via cheats, BotW becomes more fun.

The UI doesn't make this any better. Cycling weapons and shields feels clunky as hell, and selecting which arrows you are shooting from the bow is just... why is it so bad!? And how did TotK make that WORSE!? Crafting in TotK is neat, sure, but when you have to individually combine the item you want to each nocked arrow, and the menu is that bad, you have to ask how that got out of beta. I dunno if it's been fixed since then, and I don't really care.

My Proposed Solution:

Here's the thing, all I want is to have 2 things in the case of the weapons breaking.

Thing 1: A permanent set of things you can upgrade over time that never breaks, and only needs to be sharpened or something, but lacks special attributes that make the breakable stuff worth a damn to use.

Thing 2: The ability to use materials to repair/maintain the weapons you like.

The simple thing to fix the UI is actually just to have a weapon wheel that you save the things you like onto in the positions you want them, and to have a tab button to cycle to less used stuff. Basically, just do what Ratchet and Clank did 20 years ago.

As far as arrows are concerned, just let the player craft them in the inventory, and have the Bow weapon wheel have a way to cycle which type of arrows you want to use. Easy. It'd still be a touch clunky, but you'd not have to deal with scrolling through a list, and that's just objectively better.

The wheel would also apply to Tools/Abilities like Runes. Just hold hold the button, and then use one of the sticks to cycle around the wheel. Simple.

Honestly, this post got a little long, but hopefully people see where I'm coming from. I don't really have much of a point beyond what's stated above, but I'll try to end this off with something to think on.

Zelda's current direction has been a bit contentious with some of the older fans, and while I think BotW and TotK are respectable games, and they offer new life to a series that was admittedly losing a fair bit of it's steam, it's frustrating how there are some things that just feel like simple, elegant fixes to the new formula that'd bring it more inline with what classic fans like myself would like more. I don't think what I'm asking for is that much (especially with the UI stuff). I'm not really out here demanding that they bring back something like the transformation masks (though if there was a game like BotW and TotK, but they replaced Runes with Transformations like those of the masks from Majora's Mask, I'd probably give the game a 20/10 out of pure bias for Majora's Mask), I just want the game to feel more like the Zelda I grew up with, rather than this sort of bland open world with a Zelda skin that it's become.

As it stands, modern Zelda is starting to feel less like a grand adventure, and more like I'm wandering through the woods without a map or a compass while it's super foggy out, and finding table scraps rather than neat treasure. I might make a post about what I'd do with a hypothetical Zelda game in the future. I've got a handful of ideas, but this post is too long as it is... so... yeah, that will be done later. Maybe.

[gay-jesus-probably]

So like, last night I stumbled upon your discussions of why a lot of TOTK’s whole… everything is messed up, and it had me thinking about it so much I had troubled sleeping afterwards. So uh, thanks for that lol (/lh). In all seriousness, your takes on how imperialist Hyrule is in this game, how much less like unique cultures the various towns feel like, Ganondorf being both completely flat and also seemingly not meant to be, and how weird it is that Zelda is back in power really put into words a lot of thoughts that had been nagging at me as I’ve been playing. Like, the amount to which the writing has suffered from BOTW is staggering when you actually lay out the problems. Out of curiosity, do you have any idea what the fuck happened? Like did the writing team change? The game had so much potential, as seen by the numerous fan theories/AUs etc. So what went wrong?

Honestly? I have no idea. I'm not usually that big on behind the scenes stuff anyways, and I'll be real here, I went into this game pretty much 100% blind - I didn't even watch any of the trailers, I knew NOTHING about TOTK except from a few details I absorbed from hearing other people talk about online (basically, I knew Ganondorf was going to show up as a talking corpse, Link would lose an arm, and the Master Sword would get rekt).

I rarely buy games as soon as they come out anyways tbh; I can only think of three games that I've actually gone out of my way to get as soon as possible after their release, and that was the 3DS remakes of Superstar Saga and Bowsers Inside Story (two of my favourite games ever, and Superstar Saga having literally been my first RPG), and I picked up the Mario 3D All Stars collection on launch day as a favour to my older sibling (who was stuck at work), and got one for myself in the process. The only reason I bought TOTK like a week after its release was because one of our dogs was literally days away from having a puppy, and so I knew that the next few weeks of my life would be entirely dedicated to keeping the other two dogs busy, assisting mom with the newborn puppy, and just generally being on call to provide literally anything mom needed as soon as she needed it. Which meant a lot of sitting around waiting to be required, and I'd need something to do that I could easily pause at a moments notice. So... new video game seemed a good way to fill the hang time.

And it was a good call, like I said, I've been having loads of fun with this game. There's a reason I've almost got 300 hours of gameplay, and it's not (just) because I haven't had anything better to do in between taking care of dog stuff (though that number is somewhat inflated due to me leaving it open and paused for hours at a time while busy with dog stuff). It's just that the story is a fucking mess.

As for what happened with the story... I have no idea. I've seen some people suggest that they might have been planning something a little more ambitious, and then technical limitations forced them to walk it back, so the story had to be hastily reworked to match. And I've heard that the abilities in TOTK were just ideas they had for BOTW that they couldn't fit in, which honestly I can see - the abilities are cool and all, but let's be real here, they aren't nearly as distinct as the BOTW runes. Magnesis, Cryonis, Stasis and Remote Bombs were unique powers with different uses in different areas; now the powerset is just Recall, Get Around Slightly Faster, Ultrahand, Ultrahand But In Your Inventory, and Ultrahand But Faster. But I don't know if that's actually the case.

But honestly, I really don't know why the writing is so awful. To be fair, some of it is definitely just the English translation team shitting the bed - like come on, they didn't need to have Sidon and Yona repeatedly exchange the exact same line about how he's scared she'll die like Mipha. They could have at least changed the fucking wording to make it sound more natural. And I know that other translation teams managed to inject some more nuance into the story - the French translation actually managed to call Rauru on his imperialist bullshit! For the throne room scene, they had Ganon refer to Rauru with 'vous', the formal form of 'you', but Rauru refers to Ganon with 'tu', the informal form of 'you'. 'Tu' is for use in casual settings or between friends, and if someone is using 'vous' for you, referring to them with 'tu' is a MASSIVE insult; it's very condescending, and implies that you have literally no respect for that person whatsoever, but they should continue treating you as a figure of great authority. To sort of translate that into an English equivalent, it'd be like if Ganon walked into that scene using formal language and referring to Rauru as a fellow King, and Rauru responded by treating Ganon like a small, dumb child. Hugely insulting. Also the vous/tu disparity has a History with French colonialism, so that adds some implications as to what Hyrule's really doing with their 'allies'. And in the scene where Ganon takes the secret stone, the French translation has him say Rauru tried to force him to submit, which is an outright accusation of imperialism (as opposed to the English saying Rauru wanted to control Ganon, which suggests the problem was Rauru thinking he could find a peaceful solution instead of just executing a foreign leader for thought crimes)

So the english translation definitely had the room to put some more nuance into things if the team had wanted to; honestly I kind of wish I knew Japanese so I could compare it to the original script and see if any of the problems I've been bitching about were part of the script from the start, or if the English translators were just particularly bad. But Nintendo is a very conservative company, and Japan is a very conservative country with a serious nationalism problem, so I kind of doubt it, especially since the game portrays Hyrule pretty much the exact same way that Japan is portrayed in propaganda justifying their own imperialism. That... does not suggest the English team went apeshit. That suggests that the awful shit was in the script from the start, and the English team was just totally on board with it.

As for the writing teams... I mean, to be fair it's been like seven years, of course the writing team isn't the exact same as BOTW. But honestly, the main issue is just that they've recycled a lot of old problems from the Zelda games, and somehow stripped them of what little nuance they had before. Like, Ganondorf trying to take over Hyrule because Evil has been an issue since Ocarina of Time (which this game was clearly heavily pulling from), but even though OoT never told us he had a deeper motive, the worldbuilding still showed exactly why he would have such an issue with Hyrule. We knew there had been a bloody civil war only about a decade before Ganon's takeover, we knew that the Gerudo were treated with disdain by Hyrule, and we saw that Hyrule's alliances with the Gorons and Zora were pretty flimsy, and neither race felt like Hyrule actually gave a damn about them. But most importantly of all, OoT gave us the Shadow Temple, a horrific prison meant to inflict unspeakable torture on its captives... all on orders from the Hylian royal family. Hyrule's hands were never clean. We weren't supposed to side with Ganon in OoT, but we were shown a long list of reasons for why he was so pissed off.

Someone else said that TOTK feels like a retelling of OoT that's just pro-Hyrule propaganda, and that's a pretty good summary. I don't know what the fuck Nintendo was thinking, but honestly it kind of seems like they're trying to stick to the formula of Zelda games at all costs, while also making the entire game just a huge 'gotcha' to all the fans that have spent the last 25 years seeing Ganondorf as a sympathetic character with depth and reasonable motivations. I find it ironic that they decided to include the Wind Waker boomerang and shield in the game, considering that the whole game feels like an attempt to get everyone to forget Wind Waker ever happened. That's still the most human we've ever gotten to see Ganondorf - he didn't have many lines in that game, but the ones he did have mattered. At the end of the day, WW Ganondorf wanted to have a better life for his people, and he knew Hyrule would never let that happen. But now apparently Ganon just wants to dropkick puppies into woodchippers, and he doesn't give the slightest hint of a fuck about trying to wipe out the Gerudo people entirely by attacking them with an endless sandstorm plus zombie apocalypse. His only character trait is Evil.

If I want to get really cynical for a minute here, I think it's basically just a cash grab. If your game prompts a moral debate, then it can offend people, which means they won't want to give you money for it. But if it's a simple black and white conflict with no nuance, the fans will love all the right characters in the right way, and everyone will love hyrule and want to see more of it! It's like the fucking MCU; they're not willing to tell a fresh story, or make any serious commentary. They just want something safe and formulaic that has been statistically proven to make money. Fucking cowards.

[silver-wield]

Final Fantasy VII Rebirth Review Chapter 12

Okay, this collection of posts will be filled with spoilers, including clips and screenshots, so if you don't wanna see things, then don't look. Some of the things I'm gonna highlight will include references to Remake and other sources to link with the overarching plot. This is a straight path playthrough with no sidequests or extra content.

Onto the guilded saucer!

First things first, we gotta find Dio, and with arrangements made to represent him in a battle royale the next day (yeah it's the OG monster battles only way better) we head off to get some sleep.

Entering hotel we hear an announcement that a contest to become Rosa for the play is over and they're not accepting more entries, and yet as we pass Aerith we see her writing up an entry that she not only enters late, but wins. Because that's how things go when you're the Mary Sue and decide you wanna do something.

Yes this annoys me. If a contest is closed then you don't get to enter, let alone win. This is bullshit.

Anyway, Cloud has a two hr nap in which we get another sneak peek into Zack's world where he hears a bunch of confusing info from Marlene before heading off to find help for Cloud, but gets intercepted by a note from Biggs.

Back in the main scenario, Cloud has a date. What happens on each date is specific for Cloud's feelings to them, though all the dates are optional and there's no default.

Jessie plays a vr ballerina version of Rosa, which makes Tifa and Barret cry.

The second stage of the play is viewer interactive where the audience can take the role of a character in it.

There's three battles and some fun dialogue choices. If you confess to Varvados instead of Rosa, Barret breaks character for a second to be all "are you kidding me with this?" 🤣

The third act of the play is the contest winner singing. Yeah, I'm still annoyed they let her win a closed contest and somehow have music and production cued to the lyrics she hastily scribbled down within two hours of learning about the contest.

After the play is the gondola ride, although it's now called the sky wheel. Each date has a different conversation and plays out to a different mood depending on how Cloud feels about them.

In both Tifa and Aerith's dates we see a flashback to Tifa telling Aerith about how Cloud recalled Zack. This is before she started writing the song lyrics. Tifa tells Cloud she hasn't had a chance to. Aerith tells him nothing important was spoken about.

Tifa goes onto imply she's aware Aerith has feelings for Cloud, and Cloud reassures her the only one he has feelings for is Tifa before they share the only kiss in the game.

The following day we see the Turks on approach to the GS before we hit up the arena and get into a series of battles that ends in a second round against corneo and his sewer monster.

Obviously our heroes win and give him an extended cut of their threats from Remake before he runs off to go harass people in Wutai ready for part three.

The devs in a shady bit of piss taking, have Cloud and Tifa high five just like he did with Aerith in the last set of coliseum bouts.

With Dio triumphant, we're about to get the keystone when the Turks get in the way. Cait Sith betrays us and the party splits to chase his traitorous ass down.

Cloud, Tifa and Aerith are our trio for the rematch against the Turks but before we're done, Rufus shows up for another one on one with Cloud.

Why? Who knows. He's a petulant sob who doesn't like losing 🤷

After Cloud kicks corporate ass, we go on a kitty hunt, but one that's more serious than finding Tifa or Betty's kitties.

When we finally catch up to Cait, it's too late to stop him. The Turks leave and Cait has to face the music. Tifa stops Barret from shooting him, but everybody has had enough and leaves him behind after Vincent lets them know he can find the Turks location.

The play itself is the bulk of the chapter and we get three different versions of it. I honestly have very little interest in Loveless and I found the first part kinda dull. The interactive part is fun and also has slight differences in dialogue and actions between each of his dates. I've only played Tifa's because, frankly, idgaf about the other dates. The intimacy between Cloud and Tifa on the sky wheel is everything and I'm so glad they showed how proactive Cloud is with her. He initiates the kiss and everything else. He engages her with conversation. He's the one staring at her while she's looking at the fireworks. He's being shown as very much into her.

[cooliofango]

Strength of the Ancients

[BOTW! Link x F! Reader]

Prologue Part 1

[Next Part]

A little author’s note before I start! This is a bit self indulgent and part of an idea I’ve been holding onto for a while now that I wanted to try writing out and I’ve decided to start on this platform! If it goes well then I may reach out to other platforms, but, for now, it shall remain here! This story is supposed to branch out throughout the three games and then some both before and after them based from my own imagination, so hopefully we’ll be in this for the long run. Also, the name for Link’s sister will be Alona in this story since she was never given a name in this game. All we know is that if she would’ve been an actual character in the game, she would’ve been a remake of Aryll or that she would’ve had a different name-- which I tried to make a little similar. For the names of Link’s parents, I will be getting them from the Sound and Drama CD which names Link’s father Banzetta and his mother Loretta, as well as Zelda’s mother who appears to be named Seline. Im choosing for the reader to be female for this story, though, again, if the story is liked enough, I will be happy to rewrite it with a male reader if requested. The picture was cropped and found on Picsart!

Masterlist to access the rest of the story!

The steps of the two Hylians, a father and a son, echoed loudly in the castle, the lights pouring in from the crystal-like glass that lined the walls of the hallway. The ceilings rose high above them, the light glittering against the stone on the lower parts of the arches with the aid of the torches that remained lit beneath them. Every now and then, they would pass a guard who stood attentive yet unmoving in place. They simply watched as the king’s guests moved on. 

The son appeared to be a little anxious, though he kept quiet as he looked around this rather foreign place. His father was a blacksmith who provided weapons and armor for the royal calvary while him and his younger sister tended to the farm at home in his absences-- although they would often get help from their father if he wasn’t working. The closest the young boy has ever been to the castle was the town below its walls where his father worked and where he and his sister would travel to to sell the goods they grew. The castle was always something he and his sister would admire from afar, yet he never guessed that he would be going inside it.

“Chin up, boy,” The gruff voice of his father reached his ears, causing him to look up at the elder man.

“Yes, sir.” The boy muttered, straightening his posture and looking ahead. They approached large double doors, to which more guards stood at. However, upon noticing their presence, they moved to grab the handles of the door and pulled them open. The doors creaked on their hinges at the movement, though only because of how large they were rather than if they were old or not. Beyond the door way was a large throne room. The ceilings rose even higher than the ones in the halls do-- something the young one didn't not think was possible. In the middle of the back wall, overlooking the whole room, were the thrones that sat underneath a large stained glass mural of the symbol of Hyrule shaped into it. There were three of them, the largest being in the middle, one just a little shorter than it on the left, and a smaller one on the right. The king sat within the middle one. The boy felt himself tense under the king’s intimidating presence alone, feeling his gaze burn into him and his father.

The father stopped a few feet away from the king and knelt down to bow with respect. His son did the same not long after upon noticing his father’s movements. “You’re majesty, it’s an honor to make your presence,” the father spoke up once more in kind greeting before careful getting back to his feet.

“The honor is all mine, Banzetta. You’re presence here was greatly anticipated,” The king looked at the boy now, sitting up in place, “And this must be the boy, correct.” Upon being addressed, the young one quickly got to his feet and straightened his posture-- he hadn’t realized his father had stood up already and was still kneeling on the ground till now. Rhoam stood from his throne and made his way down the steps towards the child. “Let me see your hand, boy.”

And he did just that, not wanting to appear to be disrespectful before someone so powerful. The nervousness still remained as he held out his right hand to him. Though the boy didn’t know the full extent to the markings on his hand just yet, he already knew that it was what the king wanted to see. It was the sole reason why his father brought him here. On the back of his palm rested an ancient symbol known as the ti-force with the bottom right triangle highlighted against his skin. He didn't know what it meant-- but being here was a hope to get answers.

The king knelt down before the boy and took his hand to inspect it. The king’s hold was gentle and he slid his thumb over the triangle shape imbedded in the boy’s skin. “So it’s true then. The Hero of Courage has been reborn.” King Rhoam spoke knowingly. It was hard to tell whether he was in shock or if he was relieved by his tone and this expression didn’t change except for the slight narrowing of the eyes.

The Hero of Courage was someone mentioned in a story the boy had heard from his mother before she had passed away years ago. A hero from the sky, clad in green, who took on an evil being of Power named Demise to save his dear friend and Hyrule from destruction. From then on out, the three wielders of the tri-force continued to be reborn-- Power causing destruction, Wisdom allocating knowledge to the land, and Courage protecting the land. The boy didn’t think the story to be real at the time, mostly because of where the hero seemed to come from. If Hyrule used to have islands in the sky, then where were they now?

“Hylia...” Banzetta muttered with his own surprise. Unlike his son, he did know the story behind the never ending battle between Courage, Wisdom, and Power right away. Although the appearance of the Hero of Courage was one to be celebrating, it also foretold the near future of Hyrule. Hyrule would fall into war once more at the hands of the Calamity and the monsters it brings.

The king stood up from the ground, looking down at the young boy. “Link,” he spoke the name of the boy as he remembered it from the letter, “Do you understand the responsibilities of the Hero of Courage?” 

Link held a soft frown and directed his gaze away in thought. If he were to believe his mother’s stories to be true, then-- in a way-- he did have an idea of what the Hero of Courage’s duty was. “Yes, sir,” Link nodded hesitantly along with his words, looking back up at the king as he did so. 

“Do you accept this responsibility to protect Hyrule and fulfill the destiny given to you by the Golden Goddesses of old?” The king urged with hope, holding his hands behind his back as he waited for an answer.

Being the reborn hero was hard to believe and yet there was something in the back of his mind telling him to take this chance. It was a call to adventure screaming at him to accept this role. If he was really the Hero of Courage, then he needed to be the one to defeat the wielder of Power that intended to destroy his home. It’s only ever been the Hero of Courage who defeats this evil in every story he’s heard about from his dear mother.

“Y-Yes,” although he stutters, his face shows determination.

The king visibly relaxes, turning back to sit on the throne. “Very well,” he sits down on the throne with each arm resting on the arm rests beside him. King Rhoam turns his attention to Banzetta.

Father and son shared a gaze. The nervousness still hung in the air, yet something new had sparked within the boy. A will, you could say. Banzetta expressed worry, but, upon noting how his son accepted this weight, said nothing. Instead, he looked to the king.

“Banzetta, it would be ideal to keep Link here with our ranks. He will need to start training as soon as possible,” King Rhoam looked to where a couple guards were on the left of the throne room and nodded, to which they both made their way to the pair standing before him.

Banzetta tightened his lips into a straight line. “A-... A week. I’d like to request that he return here for training in a week,” he requested in hopes to give Link a bit of time at home before leaving so suddenly. The boy, in turn, seemed to already agree with this. He loved his sister dearly, after all, and he didn’t want to just leave her on her own without an explanation.

The king huffed to himself as he considered the request. There was time. According to the sages, the Calamity shouldn’t arrive for another half of a decade. They had five years to prepare-- five years to build an army.

“Very well. Return in exactly a week, no time later, no time less.”

Banzetta sighed with relief, “Of course. Thank you, your majesty.”

The king nodded and returned his focus back to Link. “And thank you, young one. Hyrule will forever be in your debt. Guards, please escort these two to the palace gates.”

[aphroditestummyrolls]

I’d love the engagement series for the wip

game. It’s one of fav you’ve done.

Hi anon! Thanks so much for sending this— writing out the rest of this little scene was such a nice break from working on BHaD chapter 3!

“I want to ask Wy to marry me.”

Well. Well, that was just… That was a bloody sunbeam through a cloud. That was what that was.

Colm couldn’t have kept the smile off his face for anything in the world. He couldn’t keep the happy little twitch from his fingers or try to squash the warm expansion that filled up his chest. He very nearly wanted to cry.

Jesper blinked at him. “What is happening to your face right now?”

“Oh hush, I’m so happy for you!” He gushed. His hands reached out and took his son— his grown, wonderful, clever, handsome boy— by the cheeks. By some miracle Jesper humoured him, and Colm was grateful. Through the misty eyed lens of time, he could see all the variations of wild and young that his boy had been, and all the ways he’d grown. All of the wonderful future paths he could take.

That he and Wylan could take together.

Jes patted his hand over Colm’s, only a little awkwardly, laughing a little. “C’mon Da, it’s not like he’s said yes yet.”

Colm tsked, swatting at the words like an irritation. It was a mere formality. “Oh, don’t give me that! I barely spent an hour with the two of you before I knew you two were special.”

“You did not—“

“The point is,” he let the bubbles of his joy settle a little, taking his son’s hands in both of his, “that that boy is clearly ass over tea kettle about you. And you’ve got nothing to worry about.”

That was the moment, it seemed, where Jesper finally let himself relax into the moment. His shoulders deflated, a proper grin spreading across his face like a sunrise. Those grey eyes were sparkling and bright, and he exhaled in a gust. It must be something, to get the weight off his chest.

“Is this the first time you’ve said it all out loud?”

He shrugged a little. “It’s the first time it feels really real, I suppose. I asked Marya for her blessing just before we left, but this feels… different.” It was a good different, clearly. It was the type of different that lit Jesper up from within, the type of different that glowed so bright, it warmed the whole room ten degrees.

It made him look terribly like his mother.

“Jesper, I…” it came out a little raspier than he’d like, clearing his throat. “Your momma—“

“Da, I—“

“Jesper Fahey.” They’d spent too long hiding her memory in the shadows, wearing her like a yoke around their necks. It still took so much to say the words aloud. But, they’d both promised to change, and this was the most important thing— learning how to carry her with them in a way that wasn’t stifling. “Your mother would be so, so proud of the man you’ve become. And she would love your Wylan.”

Jesper blinked hard, fluttering his short lashes as he looked down at their hands. But his smile didn’t waver.

“I, um… actually, I wanted to ask you about her. Is there anything of hers— her jewelry, I mean— around? Maybe something that I could fabrikate a bit?” He was fiddling with Colm’s fingers, not looking up at him. “It’s alright, if you can’t part with anything! It’s just that having something of hers, it would mean a lot, for making Wylan part of the family, I think. It would mean a lot to him— to us. And I wanted to make it, y’know? Like how you pass down and, and remake family rings in the Wandering Isle? It’s alright, though, if—“

Colm stood up and pulled Jesper with him, pulling him into a hug that could hopefully ease the nervous rambling. He didn’t even know what to say, or how else to express it all otherwise. Jesper had put so much thought into this. So much care.

He wanted to honour them.

Colm didn’t ease up his hold on his son until he finally let himself be held. He wrapped his gangly arms around Colm’s shoulders, and went comfortably quiet for a moment.

Thanks for playing! ❤️❤️❤️ (want to play? click the link for WIP list!)

[rallamajoop]

Theme, character, and a few more thoughts on the RE4 Remake

So, having played the Resident Evil 4 remake, I had a ton of fun – but in the end, I think it worked better for me when they remade this game as Resident Evil Village instead.

As every gaming outlet on the net has already told you, there’s a lot to recommend this title. The gameplay is terrific, new!Leon is still stupidly endearing to me, and there are so many little details in his character animation that I love to bits (seriously, he and Ashley actually managed to make me feel guilty about making them run back through the pouring rain hunting that one treasure on the map I’d missed – it’s that good).

But story-wise, I can only wish they’d had the guts to remake this thing a little harder. And while I have sunk a truly stupid number of hours into getting every achievement in RE8, RE4 seems to have tailored its own post-game ecosystem specifically to turn me away. And that's just a little disappointing.

The full RE4 experience is roughly twice as long as Village, but it feels like it has about half the actual plot. Most of what happens once you leave the village area feels like padding, the game spinning its wheels to fill in time. The lore makes less sense the more I try to get my head around it. Parts like Ada’s role feel so unfinished I can only hope there’s more coming in DLC. And despite token attempts to link events thematically to RE2, the result probably works better if you haven’t actually played the RE2 remake lately.

And while you can always say, “C’mon, it’s RE4! No-one remembers that game for the plot!” I’m left going, well, sure, but they remade Leon’s story in RE2 so well! And everything that left me wanting here was stuff they did just as well in RE8 – which was already basically a stealth remake of RE4. Was it so unreasonable to hope they could pull off the same here?

But enough hand waving. Let’s talk specifics. I’ve already talked Luis. So it’s time to talk Leon and Ashley.

I have so many mixed feelings about RE4-remake!Leon. So many.

In so many ways, he just works. He’s not the same Leon of RE2, but he’s changed in ways that make sense given several years of special ops training. He's taken several levels in badass and he's a lot more jaded, but at heart, he’s still a sweetheart who does this work because he wants to help people. And yet people who know him still call him ‘rookie’, still insinuate he hasn’t changed, and it’d be nice if that was something the game was more interested in exploring.

But while RE2 was inarguably the biggest day of his life to date, RE4 ultimately feels like just another day at the office for new!Leon: beat the bad guy, save the girl, fail to figure out what the fuck Ada’s deal is, go home. Nothing that happens to him in RE4 feels personal. Everything that’s changed him between RE2 and here has already happened, off-screen, and I can’t help but wish we were telling one of those stories instead.

It's not for lack of trying. RE4 opens on a heck of a thesis-statement about Leon: what he’s been through since RE2, hints of conflict with his current employer (“I was ‘asked’ later to join a top-secret government program. Not that I had a choice. The training, the punishing missions, almost killed me.”) There’s also one hell of a mission-statement about his feelings on the Raccoon City incident: “If I could just forget what happened that night, the pain, even for a second, this time, it can be different.”

That’s great as an opener! First question: different how?

What difference here is worth celebrating? This time Ada got away, blatantly alive and with the prize in hand, not even pretending she wasn’t using you? This time you got to save the little-infected-blonde-girl (who-was-only-involved-because-of-her-parents’-career-choices) yourself, instead of Claire doing all the real work? This time you rode out the explosion with only one other survivor for company instead of two? You still saw more people die than you saved! You still left a whole infected-and-dying population behind when you left! Seriously, what’s supposed to be different here?

The game seems to want us to believe that saving Ashley is enough to make it "different." On my second playthrough, I even caught Leon repeating that line, ‘it has to be different this time!’ as he carries her into Luis’ lab. But this doesn’t land for me, because – again – Leon got out of Raccoon City with Claire and Sherry. Claire didn’t need a whole lot of rescuing (much as I gripe about her story, she objectively achieved a whole lot more than Leon did), but she certainly appreciated his help. RE4 even shows us a shot of them all walking off into the sunrise together in its Raccoon City flashback.

The lore surrounding this franchise suggests that post RE2, Leon becomes almost family to Sherry ‒ you'd really think she'd count. I’m sure there’s an angle you can find somewhere where Leon would feel like saving Ashley is ‘different’ enough ‒ guilt isn’t a highly logical emotion ‒ but it’s really not coming through for me. And that makes the game's whole thesis statement feel awfully hollow.

Some other token thematic attempts are made: on the boat with Ada, Leon says, “you try to save one person, you get a hundred more killed.” Well, in the process of saving Ashley, they got Luis, Mike, and both those Spanish cops from the opening sequence killed. Saddler and his cult do get wiped out in a way more definitive way than Umbrella did in RE2 ‒ and that surely saves more lives in the long run than saving just Ashley ever could ‒ but that doesn’t seem to be what "has to be different" is going for. This is a lot like my issues with how Jill’s PTSD was dealt with in RE3 – we’re just vaguely waving at a past conflict as a way to lend nebulous weight to the present, and hoping the audience will fill in the blanks without further prompting. This is not how successful theming works!

Really, what makes this so disappointing to me is that it’s not like Capcom has never done PTSD-backstory well. See, as exhibit A: Resident Evil 8. Game opens with multiple reminders that Ethan is still dealing with trauma from RE7, the feeling that he ‘never really left the Baker’s basement’ – and as the story progresses, we learn that in a very real sense, he never did.

The reveal is the answer to a mystery that's been teased repeatedly since RE7, and coming to terms with it is a vital part of Ethan’s character arc. Though plenty is still left to the audience’s imagination, the pieces are all there. Ethan’s no longer in denial about how much his experience has changed him, but what matters to him hasn’t changed. If he’d come out of the Baker’s basement still human, he’d never have survived long enough to save Rose ‒ hell, there'd have been no Rose at all. There’s no going home again for Ethan, but he’s at peace with that. It’s really that simple: give us specifics, and specifics that make sense.

Ultimately, I think trying to frame RE4 as RE2-but-different was a mistake. The original RE4 wasn’t conceived that way, and the remake hasn’t been remade hard enough to make it so.

That doesn’t mean there’s no Leon-centric thematic material to explore. That opening also sets out a wealth of great potential surrounding Leon’s ‘not that I had a choice’ position. Build on the conflict between the Leon who’s out here trying to save a girl’s life, vs the Leon who’s out here trying to protect US political interests. Play with the idea that he’s still being used by the US, just as Ada was using him back in RE2! Let the enemies point out that Leon is as much a puppet of the US administration as the ganados are puppets of Saddler! Fucking do something with Krauser: one of the very same people who put Leon through all that ‘training that almost killed him’ has turned around and decided that their job is a sucker’s bet ‒ that should be a thematic goldmine! And then let Leon turn around and tell them all to go to hell. It’s all right there, c’mon!

The game toys with the question of whether Leon’s changed since RE2 – Krauser says he hasn’t, Ada says he hasn’t – heck, even Luis’ final words, a guy can change, right? are poking around the edges of similar themes. Leon’s problem back in RE2 was never a failure to save people, it’s getting too caught up in other people’s power plays to make any real difference himself. Is that still true here? It's really not clear.

Similarly, it’s so easy to imagine Leon was chosen for the job in RE4 because he’s got such a hero-complex he’s obviously going to work hardest to keep Ashley safe – because no, Leon may have taken a dozen levels in badass, but at his core, he hasn’t changed. But I’m pretty sure he’s going to be okay with that, just as long as he’s changed enough to be able to get the job done.

And think how much more it should give Leon and Ashley to bond over too, when… oh, right. Time to talk about Ashley.

The general buzz about remake!Ashley has been overwhelmingly positive. She’s so much better than the infamously-annoying original!Ashley, she feels like a real person now, people legitimately care about protecting her, and so on. And I sure as hell don’t want to tell anyone they shouldn’t like new-Ashley. She’s not annoying. I didn’t dislike her as a character. But the longer I spent with her in this game (and you spend more time with her than another other non-Leon character), the less she felt like an actual person to me, and the more glaring it was just how little I knew about her.

Here’s what we do learn about Ashley. She’s a college student, apparently 20 years old (she doesn’t really look that old, but what the hell, there are 20yos who look like Ashley, let’s not get stuck on this one). Her father is the president of the United States. She develops quite the crush on Leon over the course of the game (and who can blame her?) Leon handles this as deftly as you could ask for under the circumstances – he doesn’t want to lead her on, but he also doesn’t want to shut her down any harder than he has to. Ashley is understandably terrified, but coping with it with enough composure to keep her head most of the time, and the one time she does freak out and run off, it leads to one of my favourite scenes in the game – where Leon comforts her, and gets to show his gentler side.

Over the course of the game, she gains a certain level of confidence – in herself, and in Leon’s ability to protect her. All that talk about being his partner and wanting to become an agent like him is probably just her crush showing, but again, Leon treads a careful line to validate her as much as possible without ever really saying yes.

And this is all fine, but nothing really changes in Leon’s feelings about Ashley as they spend more time together. He’s 100% there to protect her before they met, and after spending all that time with her, sure, same deal. That’s his job. Nor does Ashley herself really get to change much. In her early chapters, she's already capable of smashing a window to save Leon from a burning building. By the end, she's... still completely helpless to save herself without him. Nothing really pays off.

Alright, now let me tell you about Ashley.

Ashley is a fucking political prisoner, a pawn to people who see her only as a means to an end, and yet the notion she’s in a situation any bigger than herself never enters the picture. At an age when a girl should be earning some independence, she’s going to be officially pigeonholed as her father’s daughter in the minds of the entire world. For four to eight years of the past and/or future, she’s going to be one of the most important and over-protected people on the planet. And yet, within the last day or two, all that security failed. People she and her father trusted – heck, that the whole US government administration trusted – betrayed them. She’s been kidnapped out of the blue, presumably bundled into a plane and flown across the world to some hick-village in rural Spain.

Surely Ashley should have some kind of opinion on all that, right?

There are all sorts of plausible reactions someone might have to this kind of situation. She could blame herself for not taking security more seriously. She could blame her security team for letting her down; her dad for putting her in this position, the possibilities go on. The game does vaguely wave in the direction of Ashley having (reasonable) trust issues when Leon first appears, given she attacks him with a candlestick and runs off, but then she, well, sees some ganados out the window, and everything is forgotten? It’s all over very quickly. Her only opinion on her situation is that she doesn't want to be taken over by a parasite. Such character!

Later in the game, we discover that Krauser was personally involved in her abduction. Ashley never gets to have an opinion on this. Did she know Krauser personally, or was he just pulling strings from a distance? Wouldn’t she have questions for Leon about his relationship with Krauser? Wouldn’t this have been a great opportunity to expand on Leon’s barely-a-footnote history with Krauser and that whole messed up political conspiracy ‒ even to talk about why Leon was trusted enough to be sent on this mission alone? Well, too bad – we’re on the back foot of the Ashley-two-step throughout both Krauser’s appearances, so Ashley’s not around. And Krauser’s own motivations are apparently no more complicated than "wants to be more macho than everyone else." What a damn waste.

Beyond the initial section set in the village itself, it’s disappointing how much of the plot of RE4 basically comes down to: Ashley gets captured, Leon rescues her, rinse and repeat. There are variations, sure (Ashley freaks out and runs off, Leon has to find her, Leon gets trapped, Ashley has to free him) – but the overall pattern gets pretty monotonous. Ashley frees Leon, then immediately gets captured. Leon tries to rescue her, but fails, and is thrown down a hole. Leon almost catches up with Ashley, but she’s being moved to the island. Leon finds Ashley on the island and rescues her, finally! Ashley swiftly gets captured again. Leon rescues her, again. But don’t you dare let Ashley get carried off by one of those goons out of sequence, that’s an insta-fail state. What, you think this is a situation where the bad guys can just carry Ashley away with impunity? Ha.

This is what I really mean when I say it feels like this game is just spinning its wheels for so much of its runtime. There is some additional plot surrounding Luis to break things up a bit, and a few allusions to the idea Ada’s up to something, somewhere, with a grand total of 4 named boss-villains popping up to monologue and/or fight you. But they're all kept pretty rigorously segregated from one another, like cast members who will no longer appear in the same scenes for contractual reasons. 'Wants power' or 'is under mind control' is as complex as the villainous motivations get.

The villains of RE2, 7 and 8 all had their own relationships, conflicts and internal power struggles, all presented for you in cutscenes and dialogue, and the result created some of the most memorable characters of the whole franchise. In RE4, you're lucky if you glimpse a vague hint of history in a document somewhere. C’mon, game, you’ve put Sargent Rambo and Midget Napoleon on the same team, and I don’t even get to see how much they must hate each other? That’s just not fair!

Ada’s role in this game feels like such a missed opportunity too. The final note she and Leon end on in RE2 could have gone in so many directions (how much did she genuinely care about him? Was she just bluffing by lowering her gun?) if they’d only had the sense to play into it. But RE4 seems to have picked up the tune a few verses earlier, back at ‘Ada’s evil and using Leon without a care’, and just keeps on repeating that until the scene fades out. Leon gets no answers. Maybe Ada sees him as slightly more than a useful tool, but who’d know? Ada’s just… there. Remember Ada? She’s a thing that happens to Leon sometimes.

But there was still the potential to do so much more. Tell me more about Ashley, to begin with! What’s her relationship with her father like? What’s she studying at uni? How well did she know her security team? Does she even know what country she’s in? Let her and Leon bond over their positions as human pawns in political schemes so much bigger than them as people. Let someone wonder if it’s better Ashley dies than comes home infected. Let the goal of saving-Ashley come into conflict with the goal of defeating-Saddler! Let Leon question his superiors' priorities! It's all right there to play with, I promise you!

Heck, let Hunnigan (or some other official voice in Leon’s earpiece) disagree with him at some point. Delve deeper into the scale and implications of Krauser’s betrayal! Contrast him with Luis – they’re on virtually opposite tracks as people who’ve switched sides, but they’ve both made more meaningful decisions about who to work for than Leon ever has. Let me feel all the different interests at conflict here – between Luis, Ada, the US government, Krauser’s rebellion, and Saddler’s cult, there should be enough of them. Let Leon question what he’s doing there – saving one girl or saving the whole US administration, but ultimately just saving one girl. And if you still want to tie it to RE2, it doesn’t have to be about it being different, it can be about Leon feeling like he’s made a difference this time. There’s got to be something you can find here that’ll resonate.

Going by the general reception to the game, these don’t seem to be issues that have bothered the masses. Given how revered RE4 is in gaming history, I can well believe there was real resistance at Capcom HQ about to trying to rework it more than a relative minimum, without trying to build any real thematic weight into what originally worked as a fairly cartoony rescue-the-princess caper. It’s still got great gameplay and some lovely character moments – I wouldn’t dream of debating that. But as a whole, RE4 felt thematically empty in a way I didn’t get from RE’s 7, 8 or Leon’s story from the remake of 2. If anything, it reminded me more of my problems with RE3 or Claire’s story in 2 – there are ideas here, but what they add up to is less than the sum of its parts. And that’s a disappointing feeling to come away with.

The remake still has a lot going for it. But remade a little harder, I can’t help but feel it could’ve been so much more.

[hopeymchope]

I'm finally playing Another Code Recollection!

I started it a week ago, and I just finished the "Two Memories" section. As a longtime fan of Ashley/CING/Another Code, I have THOUGHTS.

It honestly bothers me more than it should that there's no separation, really, between the first and second game. You don't go back to the title screen. You don't get some credits or anything. You complete the first game's story, and then it just says "Two Memories" "The End" and then the second game's story IMMEDIATELY BEGINS. You go straight from the big climax of one story into the lazy-days opening of another adventure, and it's JARRING. It's not a good idea. They should've had a pause, had you maybe be able to select the second game from a title screen option? Instead it's just all... one game now. And that feels WRONG to me.

It's cool we're all united under calling the device "Another" and calling her Ashley Mizuki Robins now. In the old days, her name was "Robbins" in North America and "Robins" in Europe. The device was "Trace" in America and "Another" in Europe. The original DS game even had two different translations for basically ALL the same dialogue. It was weird how you could play two English translations that conveyed the same info in distinct ways. But now, at last, UNITY! Every region will know her as Ashley Mizuki Robins, and everyone will call the machine her dad worked on the "Another." YAY.

I feel like this puzzle has stuck in the minds of those who played the original FOREVER.

3. Let's face it: None of the puzzles in this remake are remotely as clever as the ones in the original games. The way "Two Memories" made use of the DS' distinct form and "A Journey into Lost Memories" made use of the Wii Remote were SO damn creative, and that was a big part of what made the games have such an impact on the relative few who played them. With "Recollection," we still get the characters and stories we love, but losing that kind of outside-the-box puzzle design kinda DOES suck. These aren't making any particular special use of the Switch's design or innate gimmicks. They're just... regular ol' adventure game puzzles. (Though I'm at least grateful I didn't have to do that damned slide puzzle again... fuck do I hate slide puzzles.)

4. Ashley's outfits are redesigned in both games. And while I think she looks great across the board, I also think they did a much better job of retaining the basic visual design of her "Two Memories" look as compared to how they reminaged her "Journey into Lost Memories" look.

Above: The original Ashley designs from the DS and Wii games. Below: The new ones from the Switch collection.

In both cases, Ashley loses the midriff and the dangling strap/chain thing. No big losses imo; in fact, I think the use of a plaid flannel in her new "R" design invokes '90s grunge fashion in the same way that chain/strap did, so it's a pretty functional swap. Also, her old wrist cuff/band things only appear (recolored) on her new "R" outfit, but I don't think anyone felt emotionally attached to those. Overall, the "Two Memories" outfit keeps the same color scheme/placement while changing over to a hoodie that feels/looks really good. But even with the flannel doing some thematic work for the "R" redesign, they largely went in a totally different direction from the original. Ashley's new outfit looks very... uh, confused? Like, she's wearing some fairly short shorts plus a plaid flannel long-sleeve over another shirt; Is it hot or is it cold, girl? Make up your damn MIND.

5. It's really interesting to see how the story's been rewritten so far. Richard and Bill's first appearances are both handled BETTER in the remake, I think; I think that in the original "Two Memories," Bill was overly standoffish for what he was trying to do, and Ashley was just WAY too skeptical when first meeting Richard. Both these issues are corrected now. There's also a much clearer link between the original and the sequel, and I'm less sure about that decision. The original game was an open-and-shut case to the point that "R" had to work backwards to be like "Oh, but there's ANOTHER layer to the mystery." Now the other layer is plainly present from the jump, but it also kinda makes Ashley look... dumber? Like, she literally sees the name "J.C. Valley" doing MAJOR SKETCHY SHIT at the end of "Two Memories" during one of the most eventful/memorable days of her life, and then her dad goes to work at "J.C. Valley" in the sequel, and somehow she NEVER MAKES THE CONNECTION. (At least she hasn't yet in my game.) I guess that was a pretty overwhelming day? But still...

6. The combination of Ashley's old and new outfits would make excellent alternate appearances for Ashley in Smash Bros. I've been championing getting her in Smash for YEARS. Is she an unlikely candidate? Of course, but many candidates who are just as unlikely (if not MORE) are already in the thing! Being a trophy in Smash Bros. Brawl is NOT ENOUGh. So right now, I'm in the process of altering my mental moveset for her to account for the new things she does in this game. I think we can definitely make her viable. Maybe I'll make a post about how I imagine her moves in the future. :P

[butwhatifidothis]

You know, i've long wondered whether or not Fodlan being left in a miserable state after CF was intentional on IS's part or not; the fact that shit like “Edelgard ordered a historical play to be shut down just because she didn't like how it portrayed her” is pretty clearly meant to be seen as a “cute girl getting embarassed lol” moment instead of the blatant and horrific abuse of power that it is, along with the information that Edelgard installed a secret police and orders her henchmen to spy on her citizens only being revealed in a throwaway line in a random paired ending, with no acknowledgement of how fucked all that is, leads me to think this might have been unintentional.

Ehhh, I wouldn't say it's unintentional - there's a good bit more in 3H to show off how deliberately villainous Edelgard is. Off the top my head and not including what I already said regarding the endings, there's the facts that Edelgard:

is the only person to be readily okay with sacrificing her own citizens (with the only other people who do the same being TWS and a crazed Rhea who is visibly not mentally stable - a state which neither Edelgard nor TWS are ever in when they sacrifice innocents)

has her path be constantly riddled with direct links to the "need" for mass death ("the pool of blood at my feet," "the scarlet path" Hubert prepared for her to walk, "no matter how much blood flows at her feet" - yes, that is a completely different reference from the first link - etc.)

shares much of her motivation (destroying the Church and eradicating the Nabateans) with TWS

has her route be the only one where the story cuts to the other side so that you the player can see the effect your actions have placed onto the antagonists when you kill their close ones (Claude, Rhea, Dimitri)

is the only protagonist to be explicitly and violently racist

initiates extreme and mass violence for the explicit purpose of imperialism

Along with a myriad of other things, one being that she's, uh, literally called a villain by her creators lmao. And imo, 3H would have done a good job of writing her as such... if it weren't for what this other nonnie points out:

Man if you get rid of the uwu cutesy moments, Edelgard really is a sinister villain. The racism, the victim blaming, her desire for genocide, what you mentioned before about taking out anyone who opposes her and spying on her citizens, taking over a religion and remaking it your way i.e cultural erasure, getting rid of two countries' autonomy over revanchist nationalism. Like holy crap, how does anyone not see this and say "yeah that's definitely villainous". Oh right because she wanted to walk with you, isn't it sad ;_;? Seriously though, Intsys kinda dropped the ball here. Like we could've had a sinister villain and in bits and pieces we get that, but a lot of it is obscured by "I wanted to walk with you sensei~", and "I drew a sketch of you. Don't see it uwu." It's like having a cake with a great batter but you put all your effort on the hard frosting instead.

Her villainous behavior, methods, ideologies, etc. are all obfuscated by the ever-present need for her to still be a waifu that's marketable. Yeah, sure, she's realistically speaking a massive piece of shit to put it lightly, but she wants to walk with you :( and draw you :( isn't it cute when she screams at rats :) and she opens up to you that she's scared of rats actually she trusts you so much :) and she asks you if you're sure you wanna fight with her on CF she cares so much about giving you a choice ignore how choosing to NOT fight for her means getting murdered by her instead :) and look at how sad everyone is to fight her :( Doesn't that endear you, the player spending money on this game and its DLC and its gacha spinoff, to her, the cute waifu who's the main face of the game's marketing and who just cares about you the player oh so much?

It's not that her villainy is unintentional, it's that her marketability takes precedence over her character