#like i want to be kinder and better... and feel good about the change... we'll get there <3

[taegularities]

Hello lovely Rid 💕💕💕

I wish I could have messaged you sooner but I only saw your post this morning and I've had kind of a busy day. But I've been thinking about what to say the whole day in the free moments I had.

First of all, you are absolutely not alone in the feelings you have right now. For some reason our brains really like to go against us sometimes and make us put ourselves down, I think a lot of us have experienced that. And I also think that's a reason why you shouldn't be afraid to vent on here, because while of course I feel so bad that you're going through this right now, it can be comforting just to see someone speak about an experience that you've gone through as well, and know that you're not alone. I feel for all of the people that have reached out to you, saying that they feel the same. And I also think it's beautiful that everyone is helping each other here by sharing the things that are helping them get through it or feel better 🥺🥺🥺

The thing with comparing yourself to people and not feeling good enough... I totally get that. I'm obviously here to remind you that you are absolutely amazing and so so admirable. I know that it might not help fully, because these thoughts often completely disregard the good things that you know are true about yourself just to put you down, but I'll never miss a chance to sing your praises.

It's so so amazing that you are where you are right now, the fact that you are getting your master's degree!!! and starting a new job!!! is amazing!!! And those things might be the ones stressing you out, but you're still doing them! You're working hard just as you've done so far to get to where you are now.

Your writing and presence on here are also so precious to me. I hang onto your every word, whether that's in your stories or when you answer asks and talk more about yourself. You're so genuinely kind and funny and thoughtful and you make me so happy.

Another thing is the way that you keep trying despite all of the things you're going through right now. You realise the way that this mindset is making you feel and you're actively talking about it and trying to change it. All of these things are things you should be proud of and if you can't be proud of them right now, I'll be proud for you until you can. I am so so incredibly proud of you, Rid.

I don't have any real advice on how to overcome what you're feeling (and I've already talked way too much). You already seem to be trying to focus on the things that make you happy and reflecting on your own accomplishments, which is something so hard to achieve, but all that matters is that you're trying. (I'm literally ready to listen to you list all of your accomplishments and things you're proud of so that I can remind you of all of them next time). You're doing everything you can right now and you're definitely strong enough to get through this.

You'll be okay, Rid. And every time you're not, we'll be here to remind you that you will be. Sending all of my love to you with the tightest hug. I'm so proud of you 💞💞💞

it's absolutely okay... you know i appreciate it that you always drop by at all. and the fact that you thought about what to say shows so much care, i'll cry 🥲

for some reason i didn't think of that yet and tbh, knowing now that my post enabled people to open up and give each other comfort makes me 🥺🥺🥺 i really hope everyone feels better now. there was so much kindness in my inbox today, and i feel so bad i've been too busy or down to answer yet :'( i'm also so sad that everyone's been feeling that way, though. maybe it's the weather.. or the season. something's going around.

and ivi, all those praises :(( i don't know how i deserved them/you, but holy fck, they made me smile and tear up simultaneously. you make me feel so much better every day, i don't even know if you know. but fuck, thank you so so much. your presence has been a damn gift. i love you to tiny bits, i really do 💕

[princesscatherinemiddleton]

William and I are absolutely delighted to be with you in Birmingham, on World Mental Health Day, for our Royal Foundation Youth Forum. Mental health is something we both care deeply about. Back in 2016, we launched Heads Together, a campaign supported by so many wonderful partners, that helped break the stigma around mental health, and encouraged more people to have everyday conversations about it. Alongside the efforts of many others, we have seen real change. Today, more people feel empowered to talk about their mental health than ever before. This is a major step forward. William and I continue to be inspired to see young people, like you all here today, leading this charge - being particularly brave in having some of those conversations yourselves. As a generation, you value and talk more about your mental health than any before you - something we truly admire and applaud. It is important, however, to remind ourselves of the big picture as we meet here today. What are we trying to improve by focusing our efforts on mental health? Ultimately, we are working to build a happier, healthier world. We want to shape fairer, safer, kinder, more equal societies - societies that seek the common good and a better future together. For just as we need to restore, protect and invest in our planet, so we must also restore, protect and invest in the communities, relationships and people living on it. We believe that starts with you, our young people, but it also means all of us. Because when you think about it, we can each shape the world in which we live. So, we know, like you, that simply talking about mental health is just not enough. Because although many more conversations are now taking place, it is now vital we spend more time focusing on how we talk about our mental health - and crucially; What are we going to do, to build positive, preventative solutions to one of today's toughest challenges. Positive mental health is shaped by our ability to understand and manage ourselves as individuals, and to connect with others through our relationships, friendships, families and communities. We are living in a world, however, that is changing so fast, where social media and concerns about the threat of conflict, pandemics, climate change or the cost of living, can impact our emotional wellbeing and future hopes dramatically. On top of this, as young people, this can also be a time in your lives, when you perhaps feel the vulnerability of growing independence and self-consciousness. But, by gaining deeper insight into ourselves, we'll be better equipped, to handle the external challenges we all encounter. Today we heard the science and research that backs this up, and how crucial it is, that we develop the skills needed to navigate everything we will face in the future. William and I believe we need to do all we can as a society to help young people develop the emotional and social life skills they need for good mental health, and to thrive in the world around them. Both learning about the world and learning about how to be happy and thrive within it, should go hand-in-hand. So, if we talk about mental health with this in mind, it need not have so many negative connotations. We can choose to see our emotional worlds and mental wellbeing in a different light, we can normalise it and recognise it as something we all have, and require, as human beings. This will be a key focus for us both as we build on Heads Together. Thank you all so much for joining us today. Together, let's build a brighter, more resilient future.

The Princess of Wales | World Mental Health Day 2023

[izzy-b-hands]

I know everyone on here only knew her via my occasional posts about work (back when I worked at the clinic in ND), but I wanted to post a small something about Pam, in honour of her passing today.

Pam had been at the clinic longer than any of us. And she was truly one of those employees that helped keep things running. She knew each doctor (but the MDs in particular, always the pickier and more needy than the ODs) like the back of her hand, in both scheduling requirements and overall likes and hates and needs. At first, she scared the ever-loving fuck out of me. She could be gruff, and occasionally outright mean, though I will always be grateful to her for the kindness she showed me compared to other trainees. Some of that may have come at first because she knew/worked alongside my mum for a few years prior to my being hired, but in time I found out that she simply did like me. Appreciated that I wanted to work hard and be better at everything in my life. Understood that life hadn't necessarily been kind or fair to me or my family and understood that well, because it hadn't been to her either.

Occasionally she'd be gone from work due to her Crohn's, and other chronic issues, and that was only what she'd tell you about. The implication was that, while she overall was quite happy with how things had ended up, there had been a lot of rough shit in between that had toughened Pam up a lot. It made her seem impossible to get to know to some, but I can say it was worth the work. Underneath the shell she'd had to grow to get through, there was a very kind, understanding woman who genuinely wanted the best for those she saw as doing their best in a world that's not easy for anyone to live in, even in the best of times and circumstances.

I admit, we did all encourage less than ideal parts of each other. She smoke too much and drank too much (and during the time in my life when I drank, we overdid it on her favourite long island iced teas more than once during happy hour after work.) But it helped to deal with things as work at the clinic got harder and things changed, unfortunately for the worse both for staff and patients (but I digress on that. The place is still running with Pam and I and many others gone, like any other privately owned rural clinic. When they're one of the few places open for care, they always straggle on no matter what they do to anyone else.) None of the above mentioned changed how fucking hard she worked though, and how she'd put her own job on the line to help out coworkers and patients alike whenever the chance arose.

That said, we helped get each other through the rougher days, and she gave me fantastic life advice in the times in between. Advice that finally helped get me out of ND, in fact, when it became clear that living there was no longer safe. Some of her best bits that I've engraved into my head are: 'there's always another job out there, another place to live, another person to meet that might be a friend to you. Don't let despair override your chance at something better, kinder, or easier. Take the treats that you can in life, whether that's a good drink or a favourite food or outing (she enjoyed the casino herself.) Don't worry too much about overindulging, because the time here is too fucking short anyway for it to matter in the way you think it will. Live your life, and feel it all in full, because it'll go by you faster than you expect.'

So tonight, with Housemate, I'm going to try and take her advice. I'm going to let myself be sad and miss her. I'll let myself be sad that it happened the way it did (barely a few days in hospice, from a cancer that it seems she didn't know about until very near the end. I only hope they had good meds to help her not hurt so much and that they let her have a few drinks and cigarettes if she wanted them.) We'll eat a good dinner, with food and drink that we like, and we'll look to see what we can send for flowers to her funeral (her sisters and nephews, I'm told, are doing their best to set it all up, but aside from that and past coworkers, I don't know if there's much of anyone else left to go to it or send anything. The least I can do to thank her for treating me with kindness and care when others didn't is to send flowers, I think.)

And I'll have a little, non-alcoholic, toast to her life and memory. May her memory be a blessing, and may whatever there is after this life be kind to Pam. She deserves that and more.

[emails-i-cant-send]

hey! you totally don’t have to answer if you don’t feel comfortable, but do you think joshua bassett is in a safe place right now? the church is clearly anti- lgbtqia+, and i’m worried abt his safety and well-being, given his past statements on maybe being a part of the queer community himself

Im queer and Christian myself, i think in a lot of situations being queer and Christian can be dangerous but there are people out there who are accepting and don't have a problem with queer people. You also don't always have to practice Christianity within a church, most people do but me and parts of my family practice outside of the church. A lot of queer people do too because of how homophobic the church can be. You don't have to give up your faith if youre queer. And I would also like to mention that Christianity isn't against queer people. A lot of believe that the Bible was either purposefully changed to say being gay was a sin or it was mistranslated. I think he is in a safe place btw. He seems happier now than he has been the past few months. He hasn't shared much recently but seeing him happy at Disneyland with a fan assured me that he's doing better. He has been through absolute hell and back the past 3 years and he finally seems to be doing better. He has a new manager and a new outlook on life. He has tour coming up and possibly an album!! That's for sure when we'll get to see more of how he's doing. I think we should also let him be. I'm assuming you decided to ask me about this because of my post saying to stop making the conversion camp jokes and saying queer people can't be Christian. When i first realized I was queer the first questions that came to mind were "can I be queer and Christian?" There's 2 part to this question. Is Christianity ok with me being queer? I decided that yes God loves everybody and doesn't care if I'm bisexual. The second part made me uncomfortable for the longest time because of how queer people talked about Christianity and religion in general. I understand that many people have religious trauma but there are ways to talk about it and acknowledge that a lot of religions are very harmful to queer people a lot of the time without making people who are religous and queer feel uncomfortable within their own community. As a young queer person I felt so confused and i felt for the people who had strong feelings about Christianity but at the same time I wanted to continue being Christian. I sound very holy rolly saying this but i feel this way because of how strongly it affected me and how much i know it's affected others. I think we need to learn to be kinder and more accepting. I hope josh feels loved and happy and knows everything about his identity is valid. He's had an amazing impact on my life thorugh his music and words. So yeah I think he's safe and in a good place as long as he's surrounded by people who love him <3

Edit: in light of some of his new posts some of my opinions have changed

[contemporary-disquiet]

Everything that seems unsettling and therefore disturbs you is good, seek the disturbance, chase the unusual, and when you finally feel off the tracks of a path you never chose, and it becomes harder, then perhaps you will feel something more.

And you, who now dress as you please and rebel against some kind of chain... I'm proud of you, it's not easy. Dress as you want and react as you want, because I'm convinced that the day will come when we'll regret not doing it earlier.

I'm a big fan of my inaccessible sides, I have many of them, and I seek refuge in them like a forest enclosed by tall walls. Still, perhaps I protect myself and am afraid to open the gates to the world. But I love being able to give parts of myself to the few people who deserve it.

If I could start over from scratch, I would do as you are doing now. I would wear the clothes I want and act according to my heart, not my fears. I would be kinder and more patient, attentive and selfless towards those who have loved me. I cannot start over, so I must thin out the mask. One day it will crumble into pieces, and my face will smile.

I am tied to a past, it is true. But those are not chains; they are long red threads that bind me to love. To the awareness that those images, those flavors, are all part of who I am now. And how could I not be grateful for the love I have received, though tainted by other things? I love having loved, and I love having merged in mind and body with someone else.

A bit strange question but: Have you ever forgiven your past lovers?

•••

May I ask what prompts you to talk to me, if you are aware that the person I was a while ago has now changed a lot? Not in my essence, not in my sensitivity, but I'm a very different person. What is the goal of the dialogue? Is there something we should talk about, perhaps with a more direct dialogue and on another channel? Because I need to understand the meaning of things, I don't like them remaining rarefied in the air and not expressing themselves directly.

Having said that, I believe that creating an unattainable identity of yourself cannot perhaps allow you a real and integral connection with life, if that is what you want. But that would be possible and absolutely desirable, because one's true identity can coincide with life. Of course, certainties would be lacking, many relationships would prove to be silly like those of many people. But doesn't a sensitive person need nourishment that is REAL, after all? Existence is only one, we will have no other possibilities. A difficult truth that brings fullness is better than stable but fragile comfort.

Last point, related to your question. I'm referring to our experience in the answer, because I actually asked myself this, but what should I forgive you? I fail to grasp, at the moment, any reason why I should forgive you. Sure, there have been realities that are incompatible with who I am now, but after all, I think we both grew up. What should I forgive you?

[resplendenttower]

What does it even mean to be human any more?

We live day to day stuck in a system that bleeds us dry and then discards our used corpses.

At least the Matrix has humanity live in a fake world while they're exploited. A world that I'd imagine would be nicer than the world we live in today.

But who cares?

I do.

I'm tired of apathy, I'm tired of giving up.

I don't ever have the strength to fight back, but that doesn't mean I'll just lay down and die instead, a slave to a system that will never acknowledge that I'm a person.

Honestly though, how could it, when I don't even consider myself a person, or at least one I want to be, one worthy of /being/ me.

Actually.

There it is.

I don't find myself worthy of being me. /I/ am a magnificent Tower. But I still exist instead in the heavens in the background, and I haven't done anything to change that.

I need to be kinder. I've done a couple of things, but if we're being honest, I haven't done nearly enough, considering I've been out for 2 and a half years.

I don't know how to get myself to be there. I won't ever give up, but I struggle to achieve more. I exist in apathy waiting for the foundations to be laid for the Tower to be built

So what do we do from here?

I'm writing something down.

I'm sure I'll come back to this tomorrow, and feel like an idiot, but I also need to remember things about who I am.

Who was I when I was 10? As a child, I wanted nothing more than to be an artist of some kind. I wrote that sentence so naturally, and yet no one dear to me could have ever told you that, let alone myself.

I thought I could be good at art, until I became self conscious. Until I was told my self portrait looked like a girl, and I couldn't figure out why I couldn't capture anything artistically.

Little did I know that instead, I captured a more accurate self portrait than any mirror could show me.

Now I leave to be distracted once more, living in the comfort of friends and simple pleasures, rather than doing anything to make my own life better.

We'll try again tomorrow, for there is still so much to say. Unless of course I think this is stupid then.

[oli280]

Ah would you look at that, it's Tristan, the jerk nerd. He thinks he owns the place because he gets the best grades and basically has a guaranteed place in a any uni of his liking, he's quite an upright asshole to summarise him... That's why I knew that I'll enjoy possessing his weak, feeble body and turning that uptight nerd into a chilled out jock in my very own image

Nobody knows this but Tristan loves going o the bathroom at breaks to have a quick wank to de-stress before class... as such luring him wasn't that hard of a job at all... he'll be having a wank of a lifetime today!

He went into the bathrooms as usually, locked himself in a stall, and unavailed his embarrassingly small cock, I flew into the bathroom and entered his stall, of course the poor jerk wasn't aware what was about to happen. As I entered I made a faint noise which alarmed our Tristan, he thought it was someone coming into the bathrooms however after hearing no one he shrugged it off and went back at it.

I pondered how I should enter him and felt the best way would be through his ear as that way I could get into his brain easily, I did that and as soon as I entered Tristan was alerted to my presence and became extremely anxious, I spoke to him 'Tristan I am the ghost of one of the past Jocks, I've seen you've been quite a jerk to people, actin all superior, how about we change that hmm?". Tristan quickly responded with a "what the hell is going on, get out what of my head I will....' before falling silent all of a sudden. His face expression became numb, his mouth was wide open and he started drooling... now my magic can begin

First I started off with his face, fixed his eyesight, melted off his acne, improved his jawline and other facial features so his face was perfect. Next I moved to his arms and torso, now this is where it gets fun, I gave him a huge six pack with two big pecs inflating out of him, I also gave him a nice v-line which guided girls to his future big member attached to the end of the v-line, as arms I gave him huge guns, he can now go around and flex all he wanted and every person in high school would fall for him... ah highschoolers all of them are a horny bunch anyway with the hormones and all am I right. Next came the legs which I made sure looked athletic enough for him to be able to run miles. Next we need to go to his mind... ah yu think I've forgotten something? don't worry I remembered about his cock it'll help me in his mind transformation coming up next

Now let's see here, what do we have, ah love for history, maths, biology, feeling of superiority... let's switch it up a bit shall we, now he loves football, basketball and wrestling and we'll tone down the superiority and make him slightly kinder... it'll help him get more pussy... ah and with every change his balls and cock grow bigger as his old memories get chugged down there... I told you the cock is always the most fun to transform it really helps with old memories. Now we'll add a bit of libido oops... I accidentally raised it to a lot of libido ah sure it'll be grand, with the shlong that size it's handy enough for him to have that libido and now for the great finale... He needs to cum his old self out ah sure but I can help him I'll take control of his arm oh and there we go, up and down.

Fuck he's enjoying that and I can hear the screams of the old Tristan begging for mersy, too bad you shouldn't have been such a jerk to everyone society will do much better without you oh.... It seems he's grown silent now and fuuuuck did that cumshot felt good, well guess with old Tristan gone and me in his place I can now help this school be less boring by heading off and picking up some of those hotties I saw close to the locker rooms I'm sure they'd be more then happy to take my seed I mean fuck look at me, I'm irresistible oh and while I'm at it I'll sign up to the wrestling team. Fuck this schools gonna be a the place of sin rather then what it is now... 'Bedrock of virtue' pah not when Tristan has anything to say about it. It'll be lit brah!

Pic of the new Tristan posted into his recent Instagram:

(This was a suggestion jockification tf glad I could've contributed to wording the story out)

[nudityandnerdery]

Okay, d&d joke.... was a bard, sang a song to a demon, bit my head off. I continued singing.... it put my head on again and I played for two more years.... not really a joke but happened....but what the eff is going on in the world. Putin said something about nuclear war.... well.... everything is burning to the ground anyway. Can we get the world right again? Been living in it a while and things have never been this bad. I think that we need to do something. Maybe be human for a change

Okay, well, I'm not gonna try and sugar-coat it for you right now. Looking out the window, reading the news, you know what's going on.

Shit's kinda fucked right now.

And it is absolutely fair to look at all this and feel frustrated as hell. There's SO much going on that is happening in places and ways that we feel like we can't control. Because, I mean, Vladimir Putin and Samuel Alito are both about as likely to listen to my well reasoned arguments about why they need to stop their shit as the coronavirus is, by which I mean nil chance at all. There's a lot of people who are just actively out there causing trouble, mixing up shit on social media, and just actively trying to make life more miserable for everyone else. I don't fucking get it, personally, but misanthropes gonna misanthrope, I guess.

And that's all a thing. It's fucking overwhelming sometimes. So that's the first thing we have to do. See to your air mask. By which I mean, we can't do anything if we're just swamped with all of the Absolute Shit™ that is going on around us. So make sure you aren't overwhelmed. Take time to acknowledge the good things around you. You're alive. There's people around who are trying to make the world better. There's cute pictures of dogs on the internet. We can eat pastries that are delicious. Like, I don't fucking care what it takes, what it is. You take some time for yourself every day. Do some basic self care. Remember that though the world is a mess, you are alive. Make sure you are living.

And part of that? Remind yourself that, yeah, shit is fucked. But the world has been fucked before. And the world has been fucked up worse than this. And we've gotten it to a better place from there, right? So we can do it again.

Okay. So what do we do from there? How do we do that? I'm gonna be honest. There's a lot of people out there who have written a lot about how to address the problems that face us. So if you want to fight them, pick one of those topics, find a guide, find how to help, and do it. Know that you can't fix everything all at once. But you're not trying to do that. You're looking at one problem, and chipping away at it. And there's thousands and thousands and thousands of other people out there doing it, too. So that work will all add up. It will all compound. And, as a group, we'll try to make things better. Believe in that.

But, on top of all of that? Even if you don't have the time or energy or money to devote to a cause right now?

Be Kind.

I really mean that one. It's not going to fix everything, it's not even going to stop Putin or anything. But you can do little things to make the world better for someone else. And that shit compounds, too, I promise. You make someone smile, make their day a little better, and they'll feel a little happier about the world. And maybe they'll be a little kinder to someone. And it continues on. If some asshole on the internet can spread a little misery by being a dick, you can spread some joy by sharing a joke or complimenting someone's work or just telling a friend you were thinking of them.

And, honestly? That shit keeps you alive. Not physically, but inside, as a person. It's how we survive. Be kind. Hold on to hope. One feeds the other, and that strengthens it back in return. And that's the whole thing where we keep ourselves going, so we can help others out. It's not easy, it's not always going to get an immediate reward.

But it's the only way to be human, and the only way we can live to see something better than this.

[blccded]

I know you've already answered what the ROs' reactions to a pure sweet MC would be, but I want to know if it's not a big spoiler, what the ROs' reactions are if a sweet MC becomes after some event or sees something really cruel , got colder and more stoic? Sorry if I said something wrong, I don't think I'm very good at English

Don't worry, anon, your English is amazing, and thank you for the ask!<3 The ask about a sweet & pure MC is HERE for anyone interested! We'd also like to say that we'll be working on coding RO's to actually react to a sudden personality change in MCs as well; we feel like it would be more immersive if RO's react to MCs making uncharacteristic choices or having large changes in personality stats.

You feel your skin burn as someone seemingly glares holes into you— turning to face them, you catch VALENS' gaze. Their typically lifeless steel eyes hold a fire in them; was it anger? As soon as you notice them, they approach you and grab your arm harshly, tugging you away to a secluded corner. As much as you squirm or resist, their grip on you is iron, and upon coming to a halt they grab your other arm as well, cementing you in place. Their eyes roam your face, looking you up and down, lips to eyes, ignoring anything you may or may not be saying or asking. You finally realize it wasn't anger, it was despair. Their brows furrow and they suddenly tug you closer before speaking: "What have they done to you?". Perhaps, deep down, they'd hoped that you'd make it through what they couldn't.

CALDER isn't new to this; for better or worse, he'd seen others change just as you have. In fact, he'd seen it in the mirror for years. He would notice it early on— the light gradually extinguishing day by day, a carefree stance turning into one more still and cautious. It was a dawn he awaited and yet dreaded, you could tell he began to go out of his way to speak to you more often and be even kinder in his speech. "How do you feel?" would become a regular question he would ask you and eventually, he asks you to follow him. Leading you to the center of the palace's garden, where a tranquil fountain was, he sits down amongst the perfectly manicured grass and closes his eyes. "This is where I go on days I don't particularly feel like myself," he opens his eyes once more and looks at you, "would you care to join me?".

Observing you from afar tugged at SIBYL's heartstrings. At first, they'd remain silent about it, wishfully hoping that if they'd ignore it, it'd go away. Only once it truly strikes them that you've changed do they attempt to approach you one day. Asking to speak to you, they'd lead you to a private area before taking your hand in theirs, eyeing you with concern. "Did something happen?" they managed to whisper, the concern clear in their tone. Before you would even have a chance to respond, they let out a shaky sigh, avoiding your face this time: "I'm sorry I couldn't help."

It appeared as though ERIS was smiling your way more often. It wasn't a kind smile, of course. No, their Cheshire grin didn't hold any semblance of that, it was chilling. Their lips curl upwards like a fox appraising its prey, and their dark brows raise. They'd also begun provoking you more often: a few scalding words here, an 'accidental' bump there. They were testing the new waters and fanning the flames. They want to see you break, and the thought of it made them grin every time they saw you, each time appearing further and further removed from what you once were. You weren't naive any longer, you understood their twisted ways now, but even so, you can't help but walk into their traps.

[unfinshedsentec]

his love|| m. sano

tw: curse words( if that makes you uncomfortable), and suicide.

word count: 3.4k

character pairings: Manjiro Sano x you

This story will have 2 parts!! When I finish part 2 I will link it!!

Manjiro Sano was a very popular guy in school, especially since he was the leader of a gang. He often got asked out by women and men alike, but rejected them every time. He never could find himself falling in love with someone, despite the many people who wanted him. Maybe it was because he was almost void of emotions, or maybe it was because he was to scared to let himself fall in love. So, why out of everyone, did he fall in love with someone like you?

You were a perfectly average person. There really wasn't anything special about you. You had average grades, some "friends", you played soccer, you dated a guy or two, and you had a seemingly normal family life. So what was about you that made the Manjiro Sano fall in love with you? How could he fall in love with you, despite only knowing you for a few weeks?

Mikey just couldn't understand it. He didn't understand you, or this feeling he had for you. But what he did know is he that he loved the feeling. He loved the feeling of having something to wake up and look forward too, which was something he hadn't felt in years.He loved being able to see and and talk to you throughout the day. He loved being able to day dream about you and even he couldn't help but day dream about the day the he first met you and changed his life. Because it was that day that he met the person he'd soon fall in love with.

Flashback:

Mikey had once again, fallen asleep in the middle of class, like he did everyday. As he was sleeping his problems away, Mikey heard a sudden unfamiliar voice speak, waking him up.

"Hey, are you Manjiro Sano?"

"Yes I am, and who the fuck are you?", Mikey said, angry about being woken up from his daily nap.

"I'm Y/n, we're partners for the project", you said, while sitting down next to Mikey.

"Project?"

"Ugh......I figured you weren't listening", you said, annoyed at the blonde male in front of you.

"Excuse Me?!?!", Mikey said, already disliking you.

"Listen Sano, I know exactly who you are, but I don't care because there's no way in hell I'm doing this whole thing myself, so you better do your part of the project. That said, I'll let it slide this once and give you my notes, just be sure to give them back to me"

Mikey stared at you, shocked at what you said. In the years of going to school, not once was their someone who talked to him like that. But here you were, someone who he had never met before, just talking to him as if he was a normal person, not the 'Invincible Mikey'. If he was being honest, something about you immediately intrigued him.

"Hmmmm....fine. I'll copy your notes or whatever and I guess we'll split the project in half"

"Good, here", you said handing him your notes.

The both of you ended up spending the rest of your class going over notes and deciding who did what. When the bell rang, the both of you went your own ways and Mikey quickly forgot about you, until it was the end of the school day.

As Mikey walked out of the school with Draken, getting ready to do some gang stuff, he felt a hand on his shoulder, which pulled him back. The people around him went silent at this.

"Hey, who the fu-", he said, stopping himself when he realized it was just you, although, he could still feel Draken's angry aura from your blunt presence. "Y/n?"

"Sano! M-m-my n-notes....can I-I have m-my notes?", you said, out of breathe as your ran to catch up with him.

"Who the fuck are you and what the fuck are you doing?!", Draken said.

"KEN-CHIN, don't be rude"

"But-", Draken ended up getting cut off by Mikey's harsh glare and knew to no longer push it. Mikey then turned back to you with a kinder look.

"Ahhh sorry Y/n, here", he said, handing you your notes.

"Thanks Sano!", you said, giving him a bright, closed eye smile.

Mikey could feel his heart beat in a weird way by seeing your smile. He really couldn't tell why, but he felt something odd when it came to you. He'd never admit it, but he admired you for your braveness and liked the way you treated him normally, but he really didn't understand this feeling.

" No problem", he said before watching you run off, when he suddenly he remembered something.

"Wait Y/n!!!!"

"Hmmmm?"

"You, y-you don't have to call me Sano, just call me Mikey.....", he said, surprisingly shy.

" Okayy....See you later Mikey!", you said, before running home.

Mikey just admired you as you ran away. He couldn't help but watch you, there was just something so different about you that completely caught his attention and he loved it.

"Ohhhh Mikey..... Don't tell me you have a crush...." Draken said, smirking.

"FUCK OFF KEN-CHIN!!!" Draken just laughed in response, as they also went back to what they were doing before.

End of Flashback

Mikey happily sighed, as he though about you and the memories the both of you had together. He truly loved each and every memory he had of you, and they soon became what he thought about regularly. Oh, how excited, yet nervous, he was to confess to you soon.

Mikey knew that if was very unlikely that he had a shot with you. You never showed signs of liking him, and treated perfectly normally, which was what Mikey loved at first, but as time grew, he wanted you to see and treat him as something that was more than friends. Even worse, he had overheard your friends saying you liked some other guy in your school. And now here Mikey was, heartbroken and stuck in a one-sided crush.

That said, he still wanted to say something to you, because he knew he'd likely never have another chance to confess...at least not after tomorrow.

"Mikey! What did I tell you about day dreaming!!", you suddenly spoke, snapping the blonde out of his thoughts.

"Oh s-sorry Y/n, I didn't e-even realize you were there"

"Ahhhh....whatever, let's just get working, we have to turn this damn thing in tomorrow", you said, obviously tired of the project that the both of you had been working on for over a month now. Mikey on the other hand, tried sparking up a conversation, so he could ask you to meet up with him tomorrow, unfortunately, every-time he got distracted, you yelled at him and made him go back to work, and before he knew it the both of you were done with the project.

"Mannnn, I'm so glad that's done"

"Hahaha, yeahhhh......", Mikey said, nervously, which didn't go unnoticed by you.

"You okay? Your acting strange Mikey"

"Huh? Yeah I'm fine. Hey, uhhhh actually, can you meet me on the roof top tomorrow morning ?" At those words, your normal expression turned into a blank expression, full of nothingness.

"Yeah.......tomorrow……."

"Ahh, you don't have to, I just sort of need to talk to you about something...."

"......."

"Y/n? Are you oka-"

*ringgggg*

"Ah, sorry! I gotta go to meet up with my friends for lunch!" you said before frantically rushing out the door.

"Wait!", Mikey yelled out, but, unfortunately it was too late and you were long gone. Disappointment spread through Mikey's body, as he watched your figure get farther and farther away.

He wouldn't admit it, but he was scared, scared of you possibly leaving his life. This project was his only means of contact with you, and now that it's done, there's no reason for the both of you to talk.

He desperately, wanted to be with you again, and be able to talk to you and have some fun with you. He wanted it take you out on some dates, have late night drives with you on his precious CBT250, and maybe even bring you to some Toman meetings, but now, that may never happen. And that terrified him, but what could he do now? It was already too late, and there was no way Mikey could let his desperateness be shown to the other people around as he tried to chase you down. That was not an option.

"Well.....I guess I should go meet up with Ken-chin now", Mikey said to himself, before heading out the door and heading towards the roof to have lunch with Draken.

"Yo Mikey! Hey-uhhhh are you okay?", Draken said, noticing the blondes behavior. Mikey, had very quietly walked over to Draken with his head down and a shadow casting over his already blank eyes. It seemed that as soon as Draken spoke, Mikey seemed to also shrink into himself.

"I......don't really know.....", Mikey mumbled out.

"Oi Mikey.....just tell me whats up. I can help you..."

"I don't know......"

"Mikey, you can trust me", Draken said, while giving Mikey a small, subtle smile. Mikey just looked at him, before sighing and deciding to give into the tall, blonde male next to him, especially since he'd probably end up doing something stupid without Draken's advice.

"Well......It's Y/n. We finished the project today.....and I planned on talking to them about meeting up tomorrow so I could confess, but they left before I could say anything, and now I doubt I'll have another chance"

"Y/n.....hmmm.....didn't I drop you off at their house that once?"

"I don't remember"

"....Of course....Well, maybe I can try dropping you off at their house again, if that's their house, and you can try to confess then?"

Mikey's eyes immediately lit up at Draken's words. Excitement immediately bubbled up in the blonde boy again, and his expression finally turned back to a happy one. "Really Ken-chin? You'll really do that?"

"Yeah.....why not?"

"YOU'RE THE BEST KEN-CHIN!!!!"

"I know"

"Maybe......I could help you confess to Emma in return......", Mikey said, snickering. An angry, flustered expression immediately appeared on Draken's face in response. "FUCK YOU MIKEY!!!!!!"

"Hahahahhahahahah"

"STOP LAUGHING!!!!!!"

"I-I-I pftttt c-c-can't"

"Ughh, whatever, let's just get going, you need get flowers or whatever to ask them out right?"

"Oh yeah! You should get some for Emma too!"

"WILL YOU FUCK OFF ALREADY!!!!!”

"Nope!!!"

"Oh dear lord", Draken mumbled to himself, before dragging Mikey out of school and driving too the convince store.

2 hours later:

"Hey Ken-chin, what time do you think they'll be home?"

"Their probably home now!! You've been looking at the same damn flowers for the last 2 hours!! JUST PICK SOME OUT ALREADY!!!!!"

"But Ken-chi-"

"Here, do these, now let's pay, and go to their house", Draken said, while handing Mikey some random flower, headed towards the cashier, and paid. "Alright Ken-chin! Let's go!!!"

"Yeah whatever, it really should only be a 10 minute drive", Draken said, while starting up the engine to his motorcycle.

"Let's haul ass then Ken-chin!", Mikey said, before Draken sped off into the sunset.

__________________________________________

Like Draken said, it only took about 10 minutes before they arrived at your house. Mikey, couldn't helped but feel nervous as you looked at the place where he'd be asking his crush out. He may be the 'Invincible Mikey', but he was still scared of rejection. He already knew you'd say no, but he still desperately hoped you'd say. If only he knew what would actually happen.......

"What are you waiting for Mikey?”

"I'm still a little nervous"

"Relax, you'll be fine!"

"Bu-"

"No but's. Now go in already!!", Draken said, while shoving Mikey off his motorcycle. Mikey stumbled at first, but soon made his way up to your large, wooden front door and, after building up his confidence, Mikey finally knocked.

"Y/n! It's Mikey!! Can I talk to you for a bit?", he said, while still pounding on the door, but he received no answer. He didn't hear you yell anything back, he didn't hear any footsteps running towards the door, he didn't hear anything.

"Y/N!!!!!", he yelled again, but he still didn't get an answer, making him worry. Did something happen to you? Are you okay? Or did you just not want to talk to him? Either way, he was stressed out and worried about you. It didn't take long for him to start getting desperate to know everything was okay.

"Y/N!!!!! PLEASE OPEN UP!!!!!"

Nothing. There still wasn't any sort of sign of you. Mikey's concern for you grew with each second that passed. He could feel his stomach twist as he thought about all the possibly things that may have happened to you. But dear lord, he prayed, he desperately prayed that you were okay.

After desperately knocking on your door for over 5 minutes, and still receiving no answer, Mikey became extremely desperate to at least know you were okay and clearly knocking and yelling weren't working, so he tried the next best thing. He jiggled the front door handle to see, if maybe, by any chance the door was unlocked, so he could go in be sure you were okay. Luckily for him, the door just so happened to be unlocked.

Mikey frantically slammed the front door to your house open and ventured into your dead quite house. As he walked throughout the hallways and glanced inside some rooms, he saw no signs of anyone, let alone you. Mikey even started to thing that maybe, just maybe, he had overreacted and you just weren't home. At least that's what he hoped. Ohh, if only he knew how wrong he was.........

Despite his new thoughts, Mikey still decided to finish walking through your house, just to be sure everything was okay. He quietly walked into one of the last rooms he hadn't checked, the living room. Just like all the other rooms, the living room was dead quite and showed no signs of anyone whatsoever. But, as Mikey glanced through the living room, he noticed your kitchen just off to the side and decided to check in there too, though, he doubted he'd find anything.

As he quietly walked into your kitchen, he noticed something odd on the other side of your kitchen island. He noticed an opened bottle of Advil that was spilt all over the counter, and even onto the floor. Mikey wasn't dumb, he knew that was something was really weird about that, and immediately decided to check it out. But as he turned the corner, he saw your pale, unresponsive body lying in the middle of the floor, with some pills in your hand.

"W-w-what the fuck?! Y-y-y/n?!", Mikey shakily said, before bending down to your body. As he picked you up and pulled you into his arms, Mikey immediately noticed how cold you were.

"No, no, no, no, this c-can't be h-happening!!! C'mon Y/n, WAKE UP!!!", he said, while desperately shaking your body. Mikey was easily panicking. A horrible cold sweat broke out on his skin as each moment passed. His already panicked eyes, developed dark bags as he panicked more and more. His grip on you tightened as you still weren't responding.

"Oh god, why are you blue....", Mikey said, noticing the blue tint on your lips and finger nails.

"Y/n!!! Stop playing around and WAKE UP!!!......."

"MIKEY!!!! What's taking you so long?! Is everything okay?!", Draken frantically yelled. From the distance, Mikey could here Draken's rushed footsteps run towards where Mikey was, until he finally arrived and saw the horrific scene.

"Oh...god......"

"Ken-chin!!! T-they won't wake up! T-t-they're COLD!!!"

"Okay....uhhh, stay there with them, I'm going to call the ambulance"

"Okay, please hurry......" Mikey said, before turning his full attention back to you. Your pale face showed no signs of any sort of life, as you held a straight face and any sort of eye bags, and red tint to your skin was gone. There was simply nothing of you left. But, even then, Mikey couldn't believe it. He couldn't believe that you were dead. He wouldn't believe it.

"Y/n! You better wake up!! You can't be dead!! Actually, I'll help warm you up!!", Mikey muttered, while taking his black school jacket off and placing it over your already cold body, which only seemed to get colder with each minute that passed.

"Okay...uhh....the ambulance people said they'd be here really s-soon", Draken said, shook by the whole situation. Even he, who didn't know you, was terrified of the scene and tears slowly built up in his eyes as he looked at your lifeless face.

"Ken-chin, they're gonna be okay right? T-they have to be, RIGHT?!"

".........."

"KEN-CHIN!!!!"

"I-I don't know, t-they don't look so good"

"NO, no, no, no!!! They'll be okay!!", Mikey desperately said, trying to convince himself that you really would be okay, despite knowing deep down, that such thing wasn't true.

"C'mom Y/n! I love ya, y'know? So you have to wake up, okay???"

"Mikey.......", Draken muttered, hating seeing his best friend and mentor in such a state.

Many minutes passed of the painful, horrifying scene, when finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the ambulance finally arrived.

The doctors and emergency responders flooded into the house and came towards the area you, Mikey, and Draken were in.

"Sir, can you tell me what happened?", the emergency responder asked Mikey, who was still holding onto your body.

"I-I d-don't know. I came inside and t-they w-were already unconscious. They'll be okay right?”

"I don't know sir, but you have to hand them over to me....."

Mikey was hesitant at first. He was terrified of hearing the emergency responders tell him you were dead.....so, at first his grip on you tightened, but eventually the emergency responders convinced him to finally let you go.

Mikey's stomached twisted he saw them roll you away into the ambulance. He desperately hoped that you were okay. He needed you to be okay. But his heart sank into his chest as he saw the emergency responders stop doing anything with you.

"Hey, are they okay?!", Mikey said, rushing up behind the responders, with Draken tailing behind him.

"I'm sorry.....but they were already gone when we got here...."

Everything stopped as Mikey heard those words. He knew deep down that you weren't going to make it, but he still didn't believe it, he couldn't believe it. But now, there was nothing he could say to convince himself otherwise.

The ringing in Mikey's ears only got louder and louder as he watched them put you inside a body bag, making everything even more surreal. His breathing picked up as he fell on his knees.

"No, no, no, no!! Please no!!!", he said, sobbing out and gripping onto the place where his heart would be.

"Mikey......"

"Fuck!!! It hurts!!! Ken-chin!!!"

Ahh, yes, it hurts. Manjiro Sano was hurting so incredibly much that he no longer knew what to do with himself. All he could do was stare, and wish that you'd come back to him. He wanted to talk to you one last time. He wanted to touch you, and feel your warm skin. He wanted to at least be able to see you. But that would never be the case.

Because you were dead. Even, you, his love, was gone and forever would be. And now Manjiro Sano was left all alone.....without his love.

[books-and-cookies]

Hi Mary! It's the ace anon, I feel like I haven't said hi in a while. I hope your 2021 is happier and easier than your 2020 was.

For me, I still have no clue if my dad is actually my dad or not, but I don't really care, he's the one who changed my diapers when I was a baby, coached my tee ball team, read to me, and helped out with my homework. He's my dad, full stop.

As for my love life, I was making out with the guy I was hanging out with (this is after I had a crush on him), but I guess he wants to stop making out because I won't have sex with him, despite him knowing that I am asexual for almost a year before we ever kissed. I'm a little sad that the making out it ending, because it's fun, but I mostly just find it hilarious that this dude is like "hey, you're a really good kisser and you turn me on too much, so unless you want to do sexual stuff, we should stop making out."

I'm also done with the online dating thing completely, I'm sick of it, it's terrible, and even though I'm an awkward person irl, I feel super awkward with the whole online thing.

So there's the updates from me for the end of 2020, we'll see how 2021 goes. I hope it's a good year for both of us, sending hugs to you.

Hey love *hugs*

I’m glad you got to the point where you don’t care if the person you call dad is biologically that. Like you said - he did all the things that make him a father and that’s all that counts.

I’m sorry it didn’t work out with that guy :( Especially since he knew fully well about your asexuality. I’m hoping you meet someone soon, who is exactly what you need and look for. It’s difficult, especially during these times, but hopefully it happens.

And yes, I hope next year is kinder and better to both of us. I’m sending love <3

[cutiebeams]

Hello TWEWY fandom, it's meta time.

TWEWY is filled to the brim with symbolism and hidden meanings, as we all know. Even the partners and their colors when they sync with Neku; I realized, have some depth, and I'm going to articulate my thoughts on it. This is going to be long, so get cozy. 

Shiki

Let's start with the first partner we get. Her theme's red, and Neku's is blue. Before we even delve into this analysis, let's unpack the general symbolism of the colors themselves, because that is important as well.

Red: passion, love, anger, energy, courage

Blue: trust, loyalty, wisdom, intelligence, stability

These two colors are essentially on the opposing sides of the color wheel as well; the only shade darker than blue is purple (which is Neku's theme of his attire but that's not important rn stay with me fellas)

Red & blue are portrayed as opposites in a plethora of media and this is no exception: Shiki is the extroversion to Neku's introversion, the pathos to his logos, bubbly and chipper vs his stoic and reserved demeanor. Neku is outwardly hateful (towards other people and his circumstances), and Shiki is inwardly hateful (she hates herself to the point she doesn't think there's anything special about her)

As expected, they clash vehemently at first. Neku is extremely irritated by Shiki's energy and she is frustrated with how aloof and mean he can be. But as they get to know each other, they become like yin and yang; and Shiki's kinder qualities begin to rub off on Neku which he exhibits in the following weeks. Red is often symbolic of love; and Shiki shows a lot of it: she's very friendly and amiable, sympathizing with total strangers and getting along with almost everyone; but she's pretty feisty too- she gets visibly upset when Neku ignores her and makes himself difficult and she's not afraid to call him out (and she DOES, quite a few times). However, she is still overall kind to him, even when he's prickly; trying her best to be patient with him and her gentleness eventually wins him over.. eventually. 

When confronted with an issue, Shiki seems to lean towards the emotional aspects of the matter, such as when Ai and Mina were at odds, she hesitated to bring the truth to light because she didn't want to jeopardize their friendship and emotional wellbeing; in contrast to Neku who wanted the truth to be brought to light as soon as possible because he felt that lying was wrong and it needed to be addressed sooner, rather than later, or things would just get worse. Or when 777 couldn't find his tech, Shiki listened to him vent out of sympathy while Neku agreed to help because of the logical results it'd bring- 

Shiki is also very outwardly emotional: she's very chirpy but she also isn't afraid to openly express her sorrow, anger, or fear, and sometimes she gets overcome by her emotions. But for the most part, she exhibits high emotional intelligence and understanding of other's feelings; and she's essentially the group's moral support: she's one of the most verbal about being sure that they'll make it back and that they all need to work together. Shiki is also extremely passionate; about other people, about the things she creates, it spills into virtually every aspect of her life.

The sad thing though, is that Shiki seems to love everybody but herself, and we see tiny glimpses of this in her small moments of passiveness (such as telling Neku he doesn't have to shout when he snaps at her) On the flip side, Neku's blunt honesty gives Shiki the inner strength to not only face her self-hatred; but overcome it. And that brings me to Shiki's other color: green. You can see it in her stickers + it's her nickname in Another Day. 

Green: nature, rebirth, growth, harmony, healing

I believe that this choice is two-fold: green also symbolizes envy and jealousy and this is something that Shiki's character battles with. She wants to be like Eri- beautiful, smart, charismatic; to the point she even tells Neku that she emulated Eri's personality at first because she was so excited to be in her body. But she then realized that she wasn't Eri, and would never be; nor did she ever want to be. What Shiki truly wanted was to love herself: and that's what her character arc encapsulates; a journey of self-acceptance and self-love. 

When we finally get to see real game Shiki, she's wearing green because she's a new person, hence the themes of rebirth and harmony: she's confident and happy in who she is; and so the green changes from the negative connotations of jealousy and envy to the positives of steadiness and self-harmony. There's also healing, for both her and Neku: she helped him to open up emotionally and become gentler, and he helped her accept herself. We don't get to see her face because it doesn't really matter: as Neku himself said, "You'll always be Shiki." It's her character that is important, not her appearance. Green is also red's complementary color, and we see that rather than doing a complete 180 in personality, Shiki just gets a little milder. She's not quite as bubbly, but a lot of her passion is still there, it's just gentler. 

In short, Shiki is Neku's opposite. They're like night and day: completely different, but inseparable. 

Let's talk about Neku a while now, shall we? His color choice seems contradictory given his personality when we meet him: he is extremely distrusting, volatile and aloof. The thing is though, Neku's arc is also about growth and while he does not exhibit any of the traits of his color scheme at first; during the entirety of the game, he regains himself. Neku's character is about relearning how to trust people and not being afraid to be open and accept different points of view and values- and that diversity is good and healthy! During his first week with Shiki, we get very small glimpses of how emotional Neku actually is, particularly through inner monologue. 

When Rhyme is erased, he's distraught (his thoughts tell us he feels awful) but he masks it with blunt logic ("Because we couldn't. That's how it was meant to be"), perhaps to avoid showing vulnerability, even declaring teaming up is a dumb idea- because people get hurt and there are situations where there's nothing you can do about it. Neku's rant when Shiki declares that Beat and Rhyme were their friends takes us right into his psyche:

"Who needs friends?! They just laugh and talk like idiots and pretend to agree with you- so you end up caring about them….exposing yourself...getting HURT..Screw it! We're better off without them! You want other people getting in your way? Dragging you down? I don't!"

And suddenly, Neku's prickliness makes sense- he views attachment as painful and vulnerability as a risk, and so he vehemently avoids them. He's mean because he's hurting and he's sad: and how fitting, as one of the negative connotations for blue is sorrow and grief. Remember how I said Neku didn't exhibit any traits of blue? Well, that was specifically for the positive ones. 

Negative symbolism of blue: coldness, aloofness, lack of emotion, unfriendliness, sorrow

And that's Neku to a tee: at first, anyway. While his behavior is not justifiable, it is understandable.

When Shiki snaps at him and tells him that he's inhuman Neku doesn't show any outward response during the actual conflict, but the next day when she apologizes his sprite changes to the "sad turtle" and we get to see his thoughts again:

That I was no better than a Reaper…

Rhyme…

……………

Well...right now…

Neku proceeds to tell Shiki that they need to focus on the mission, and she agrees. While he isn't being especially friendly with her, it's leaps and bounds from his initial open hostility: he's more willing to work with Shiki towards a common goal and one could argue this is when his paradigm shift begins- her comment rattled him a lot, and Neku makes baby steps to change. The daily mission (which involves helping two friends address a misunderstanding) gives us more development for him, too. At this point, he still doesn't think conflicting views and values are a good thing and that relationships only hold him back; and he voices to Shiki that he doesn't see the point of friendships built on falsehoods (which is an excellent point and one that she actually agrees with) and we get to see one of Neku's good qualities: he values truth and honesty a lot. 

She asks him if he truly thinks that people are better off without friends, and when he doesn't answer; Shiki talks about how meeting Eri made her want to be her best self (which is how ALL healthy relationships should be, whether platonic or romantic). She mourns Rhyme again, venting that it isn't fair she'll never know what dreams are like and this time, Neku doesn't deflect. He sympathizes, and for the first time since entering the game, allows himself to be emotionally vulnerable: 

"I know. I…. I'm sad too. We'll just have to live a little extra. For her sake."

From this point onward, Neku begins to grow positively, slowly but surely. He's not friends with Shiki yet, but he feels safe enough in her company to not only express sorrow but caring enough to encourage her to keep pressing forward; for Rhyme's sake. The next day Shiki is quiet and sad due to being confronted on her self-hatred, and Neku doesn't know how to deal with her lack of cheeriness. But instead of being annoyed with her like before, he's visibly concerned and wondering what's wrong; and he tries to engage with her as much as possible: asking for her viewpoint on the daily mission and what they should do, etc. When he learns the truth about Shiki's identity, Neku just listens patiently and afterwards, his monologue is much more positive and understanding:

All this time..she's been as confused as me.

He now realizes that she's just as scared and upset as he is and he empathizes with that, going even further to say that "I like you the way you are" when Shiki expresses fear in being brought back due to her underlying jealousy: he appreciates her, every aspect of her; not because she's perfect, but just for who she is. Later on when Shiki hesitates to scan Eri and runs away Neku gives her the push to do so: as said earlier, he values the truth, and he knows that Shiki needs to face it if she's going to improve as a person- and we see him beginning to exhibit his wisdom. He's not really gentle, but his honesty is needed. When Shiki begins comparing herself to Eri and self-deprecating, he intervenes, in his own way: 

"Oh, would you cut the crap? Who ARE you? You're you. You're not Eri. You'll never be Eri. You'll only ever be you."

Neku reiterates what Shiki told him earlier, about never wanting to be Eri, but he goes a step further. She only went as far as to say she wanted to love herself, but that she never could; while Neku asserts to her that being herself is absolute and unchangeable. Shiki mildly protests this though, saying that Eri is "so much better". To her, while she does value her identity the most, Eri's identity makes her feel inferior. She wants to be her own self, but Eri, in her eyes, is perfect, something that she cannot achieve. And that is why Neku's reply is so important.

"Forget her! You need to live your own life. If she can do it, so can you. All that matters is that you try. You're lucky you're jealous. It gives you something to shoot for. So..shoot."

Up to this point, Shiki has measured the worth of her identity based upon comparison to others, and Neku understands that and tells her upfront  that she needs to stop trying to be somebody that she isn't and be confident in her own self, and just do her best- and that'll be enough. He also encourages her to use her jealousy in a productive way, to find her niche; her drive. This gives Shiki the courage to go back and listen to what Eri has to say, and in doing this she hears her friend praise her positive traits, ones that Shiki herself most likely never even realized: her empathy and love for people, her eye for detail, her skill in creating things, her passion and motivation-

 ALL things, that according to Eri, "I don't have." And Shiki finally understands that Eri saw her as her equal and that who she is, is valued. Of course, a few positive reinforcements is not enough to do a 180 from most likely years of self-hatred, and so she asks Neku again if she's okay the way she is; and his reply shows yet more growth:

"Hey, Shibuya's got room for all types."

This is a STARK contrast to his dialogue when we first meet him- "All the world needs is me," "You have your values, and I have mine," etc. Neku valued his identity, but he took it to the extreme in that he ONLY valued his identity, values, and morals. After meeting Shiki though, his viewpoint changes a bit and at this point Neku now appreciates diversity- he's still not at the point that he feels he can understand other people, but he at least doesn't see conflict of morals as a bad thing anymore. And in turn, this gives Shiki the inner strength to want to go back to the RG and start afresh. He gives her one last push to go back when she hesitates since she was the only one granted a second chance, with the promise to see her again; and in just a week, Shiki goes from being the biggest pain in Neku's side to his biggest motivation for surviving the second game and one of his best friends.

Joshua

Another week, another partner.

What's interesting about Joshua is that he is also blue, just a lighter shade. While Shiki is Neku's opposite, Joshua is more akin to his shadow- a mirror, of sorts.

Light Blue: peace, serenity, ethereal, spiritual, infinity

Josh and Neku are extremely similar, but their personalities still converge at enough points that they're starkly different: their tempers especially are a separating point as Neku is much snappier than Joshua (especially if provoked), and despite Josh being represented by a lighter color, in a lot of ways, he symbolizes his partner's negative traits in even more extreme ways in a subversion to expectations; a "darker" version of him, in a sense. 

When they first meet, these two also clash, but for entirely different reasons. Joshua's attitude, as well as his dodginess, pisses Neku off immensely. While his first week with Shiki is about relearning how to build trust, his second week is a test of said trust by giving him a partner very similar to his former self: distant, aloof, uncaring. It gets especially tricky when Neku scans Joshua and sees himself dead, and he begins to distance himself again; deciding that there is no way that he can trust him- and not only that, but that it'd be ridiculous to do so. Neku senses something is off: he doesn't know what it is, but it unsettles him enough that he is steadfast in his decision to keep Josh at arm's length.

...Until he and Josh visit Mr. Hanekoma, and upon learning that his teammate and Mr. H are acquainted, Neku decides that perhaps Joshua isn't as bad as he initially thought: but he's still pretty hesitant; and understandably so. Mr. H gives him some backstory of his partner, and his motives start to come to light - turns out, Joshua has been able to see the game while living, and that alienated him from other people since Hanekoma was the only one he could confide in. Just like with Neku, this doesn't justify his behavior, but it does make it understandable: Josh pushes away people by playfully antagonizing them and making himself difficult, and Neku pushes them away through hostility. 

When he and Josh visit Udagawa, they connect on both not doing well in groups and Joshua comments that they're more alike than he thought, which leads into a conversation about people not being able to understand each other as long as they have their own worlds and Neku begins to backslide a little:

"Right? They're them, and I'm me. Talking to them gets me nothing."

He goes on to say he respects CAT and their philosophy about doing your own thing and how he needs to just enjoy his life and forget about others, and Josh agrees. While Shiki is Neku's friend, she is the exception, not the norm, and Neku still doesn't trust most people. However, when Josh expresses not needing other people's values, Neku's reply is interesting. He agrees outwardly, but it's hesitant, as if he's unsure of himself. 

"Yeah..."

His inner thoughts show us that once again, he is changing.

But...I don't feel that way anymore. Since coming to the UG, reading people's minds- Shibuya's full of people with just as many viewpoints. Mr. H said the world ends with me. To expand my world, I have to learn to look farther- not write off other people's values as inferior. 

….Maybe I had it backwards. Maybe I need to open up to really enjoy- 

Josh calls him and snaps him out of his thoughts so we don't know what he was going to think next, but Neku has definitely experienced a massive paradigm shift in his way of thinking: he's inwardly questioning himself and acknowledging his wrongs and showing willingness to trust again and is showing a lot more empathy to other people. However, this resolve begins to crack when more holes in his memory get filled. Neku is angry and confused, but most of all, he's hurt and we see it in his reaction when Josh asks if he's okay; because he distances himself again. This situation causes him grow distant once more and he also gets more openly prickly since his trust is shaky. Josh relating to him that he feels he belongs in the UG doesn't help matters, either.

However, a later conversation has him moving forwards again. While acknowledging that people are not meant to see eye to eye, he thinks to himself that perhaps it is better that way. People don't think alike, but they can at least try to understand each other; and he then gets the resolve to actually counter Joshua's argument of solely reading people's thoughts and not talking to them.

"But why? Where's the enjoyment in that? I'd rather broaden my world my own way."

And again, we get a small paradigm shift of Neku feeling comfortable enough to express the positive changes that he has slowly been experiencing: blue symbolizes stability, and by this point in the story he is obtaining more and more of it: in his values, in his emotional expression, in how he deals with people, etc. He gets thrown for an immense loop learning that Joshua is alive though, and Neku finally snaps when his teammate brushes it off claiming they're "just like any other pair"-

He's utterly disgusted by Joshua treating the Game as an adrenaline rush- even when Neku first got into the Reaper's Game, he never enjoyed it, even if he initially was only looking out for himself at first; and the idea of getting excitement from toying with death is foreign to him. It only gets worse when Neku accuses Josh that HE killed him, and simply is taunted in return. From that point onward, he becomes openly hostile and snappy again, throwing the idea of trusting his teammate to the wind and tells him upfront that he's only going to tolerate him to survive; leaning back on his negative qualities (because growth is a process and there will be moments of wavering and backwards steps, and that's normal!)

Later on he also shows open distress when a Reaper is attacked and they are unable to save him; declaring they "left him to die." Even though it wasn't any fault of their own, Neku self-blames just like Shiki did in the first week- thinking that he could've done something, maybe if he had gotten there sooner, or defeated the Noise faster. While not 100%, Neku is comfortable enough to openly express sorrow, and Joshua underhandedly sympathizes and takes the blame off him ("We did what we had to do Neku.") He also protects Sota from Noise later down the line even though his partner is already erased and he's going to die anyway and again expresses sadness ("If only we'd gotten here earlier") and even indignation after the older man dies, screaming in anger about all the people who have been erased ("These are people, not toys!!"). When Josh questions him about the interest in others, he then explains that he's gotten to know folks better and that "it's different now".

"They're not just strangers. I can't shut them out like that." 

This is really important because in this, Neku is essentially declaring he cannot go back to who he used to be; nor does he WANT to. He refuses to, and he is making a conscious effort to be open to other people even if he doesn't understand them. Neku goes on to assert that one needs to reach out to others as well in counter to Josh asserting that he won't ever be able to understand others and this time, Joshua responds positively. Through Neku's steadfastness and refusal to waver on his viewpoints once he truly feels solid in them, and his courage to express them and not back down; he influences Joshua into thinking that perhaps people truly do need each other and can understand each other, even if it isn't easy to do so. In showing sympathy towards his enemies, he also proves again and again that people can change too, for the better; and his wisdom begins to shine once more. (And it is this change that ultimately leads Joshua to decide to save Shibuya) Unfortunately, Neku is thrown for yet another loop upon getting more of his memory back and thinking that Sho killed him, and Josh sacrificing himself is absolutely world-rocking.

He blames himself again, angry at himself for not opening up; and it is with this mindset that he is thrown into the Reaper's Game for the final time. His trust is in shambles, and the third week is Neku's personal test to see if he is willing to reach out despite being recently wounded by his partner.

Speaking of, Joshua doesn't really have an arc compared to the rest of the cast: rather, he serves as the catalyst to their growth instead. His character is interesting because from beginning to end, he expresses essentially none of the positive attributes of the color he is represented by; he only appears to at first glance. While Josh does change his mind about destroying UG Shibuya and is convinced that people can change for the better, whether he himself changes for the better is up for debate. Orange is the second color associated with him (it's the shade of his cell phone and his stickers), but just like with light blue, he expresses none of its positive traits.

Orange: enthusiasm, happiness, creativity, determination, encouragement

Negative symbolism of orange includes insensitivity, pessimism, and being unsociable, all aspects of Joshua's character. He doesn't think that people can change; and that it is impossible to understand them (he even goes as far to express "I'd rather just get rid of them" in a dark contrast to Neku, who is content to merely ignore people). Josh doesn't like groups of people either, and he exhibits insensitivity many times throughout the second week, merely behaving charismatic in order to interact with others. He doesn't really grow outwardly, but that's not the point of his character; he's Neku's test to see if he's truly changed or not.

Joshua is Neku's shadow, he's in the same vein. Rather than night and day, they are as dusk and midnight.

Beat

Beat is interesting because his color was actually switched for Final Remix: in the original DS version Beat is green, and in the Switch version he is yellow. I'm going to dive into both because I feel they're equally important. I already covered green for Shiki, but green has yet another meaning which describes Beat to a tee- safety. While Shiki is the moral support and mediator, he is the protector: he's extremely sacrificing for his sister and the people he cares about to the point of putting himself in physical danger to keep them safe (such as jumping in front of a car to save Rhyme, or jumping in front of Neku to protect him from a brainwashed Shiki). That much stays constant throughout the game. Healing also applies to him, as he helps Neku to open up and feel safe being emotional again by not being ashamed of being emotional himself: Beat openly cries over Rhyme and Neku mourns with him, and they help each other heal by learning to rely on one another. Not just as partners, but as friends.

Yellow: joy, warmth, positivity, friendship

From the get go, Beat is a huge bundle of energy and he's extremely kind; although he gets rather volatile if he feels slighted. But like with Shiki, he's overall a very sweet person and openly emotional: he gets angry in a heartbeat, laughs heartily when he's happy, and cries freely when he's sad- and his tears are never portrayed in a negative manner either; they're just a normal reaction to a sad situation and this normalization of sorrow leads to Neku getting comfortable again in being vulnerable- one could argue he's the most emotional in Week 3. Yellow is the complementary color to purple, which is also the main shade of Neku's design. Rather than an opposite like Shiki, or a shadow like Joshua, Beat is Neku's foil. He's a lot kinder and he's got a big heart but he is also extremely impulsive and acts w/o thinking. In contrast, Neku thinks things through logically, but he's a little lacking emotionally; and so they balance each other out. He's also highly attune to when Neku starts withdrawing into himself and gently snaps him out of it constantly; showing once again his sensitivity to emotion. (He consistently asks Neku if he's okay when he gets lost in thought; which Neku does a lot, especially if he's upset. Beat keeps him grounded.)

Beat's arc is finding value in himself again + doing his best; not for other people, but for himself and finding his drive. When mourning Rhyme, he vents that "she thought I was worth dying for" and that she had much more to live for, and he doesn't understand why she'd sacrifice for him. (And he blames himself for her death, as well) While Beat is protective out of the kindness of his heart, it also comes from a lack of self-worth: he places other people above himself, to a fault. Neku sympathizes with his grief but then goes a step farther to encourage him to not be regretful. In another contrast to Shiki, rather than another's identity making him feel inferior to the point of emulating them and overshooting, Beat jumps to the other side of the ditch and loses his passion altogether. 

Rhyme refused to give up on him, but eventually Beat began to resent her pity and he began to push her away as well. After they both died and came to the Game though, Rhyme's declaration that she had nothing to live for startled him into realizing that she meant a lot more to him than he thought and more than anything else; he wanted to be there for her as she was for him. After beating himself up, Neku comforts Beat in his own way, telling him that he needs to focus on the now and not let his sorrow overcome him, in essence; but also to go the distance just for himself, not for anyone else.

And Beat gets his fire all over again, eventually declaring that Neku isn't his partner anymore- he's a friend, and one that he cares about a lot.

Through his partners, Neku finds himself, they all strengthen different aspects of him. He learns to trust, to be open, to find value in friendship again and him taking off his headphones is the ultimate metaphor of him letting the world back in.

Shiki, his opposite.

Joshua, his shadow.

Beat, his foil. 

They all shaped his world, and showed Neku just how wonderful it really is.

And that is beautiful.

[punkscowardschampions]

Savannah & Jac

Savannah: [sends her like a voice memo of a scottish lad talking because she said she likes the accent] Savannah: I found one! Jac: You must've 👀 high and low Jac: I swear I've only met the poshest English kids tonight Savannah: they're like 🦄✨ Savannah: aren't you happy? 😊 I want you to be happy Jac: I'm happy Jac: hungry though, there was not enough food Jac: are you happy? Savannah: if you are, of course I am Jac: I want you to be too Jac: I don't know if I said it Jac: but I'm sorry, for all the time you weren't Savannah: you don't need to, I can tell you're sorry Savannah: even if that makes me feel sad Jac: You don't have to be sad Jac: I'm only sorry about things I should be Savannah: you shouldn't have to feel bad about it any more Savannah: that's not what I want Jac: What do you want? Jac: 🦄✨ allowed Savannah: 🌷 🌹 🌺 🌸 🌼 🌻 Savannah: happy you, like when we first met Savannah: 🌞💛 Jac: Okay Jac: I'll try really hard Jac: I think I can be that here Jac: 🤞 Savannah: I hope so Savannah: I almost didn't come Jac: 👢👗? Jac: Why? Savannah: no, here Savannah: like I almost took a gap year Jac: I'm glad you're here Jac: really glad Savannah: I thought you'd be really upset Savannah: you blocked me Jac: I know Jac: I had to, at the time Jac: it was a solid 70% for myself but I was kinda a mess in that time Jac: I didn't need the opportunity to drunk text you or, god knows what Savannah: would that have been the worst thing ever? Jac: I probably wouldn't have been very nice Jac: upset, like you said Jac: it didn't seem fair, to take that out on you Savannah: I wasn't very nice to you when we last spoke, so I think it's fair Jac: You had some valid points Jac: it was bad timing Jac: you leaving, made it seem more hurtful, you know Savannah: did I? I don't know Savannah: but there's a lot of reasons I shouldn't have left Savannah: I'm sorry for them all Jac: It was so long ago, not to say I don't remember, that would be a pointless lie Jac: this will sound weird and I don't wanna upset you Jac: but when I was talking to my brother about meeting you again, he said, about your mum Jac: I'm really, really sorry, that I didn't know Jac: that I didn't check in on her, or on you and Jac: yeah Savannah: of course he knows Savannah: literally nothing escapes the coffee shop gossip grapevine Jac: it's how he writes such #relatable lyrics, I guess Savannah: there does need to be more songs about divorce, I guess Jac: no one talks enough about how rough it can be, on the kids and the people going through it Jac: nothing after the happily ever after Savannah: she did, I just wasn't listening Jac: when you aren't meant to take sides, but you also are Jac: that's Jac: you were in a really impossible position Jac: they were still your parents, both of them, no matter what went down Savannah: I thought it was all her, being so impossible, so EXTRA, until I lived with him too Jac: Have you been talking more now? Jac: It's never too late Jac: she clearly loves you and Sienna like mad Savannah: It almost was too late Savannah: but we're trying Jac: That must've been so scary Savannah: even when it was happening I was awful to her Savannah: like anyone would go that far for attention Savannah: I didn't learn anything from Isabelle, clearly Jac: You seem like you have Jac: give yourself some credit Jac: you deserve it Savannah: I can't ever make up for what I did to my mum or you or Is Jac: Well, you can forgive yourself for me, seriously Jac: I can't give you that for them Jac: but I know you being a better person and putting your energy into that as opposed to guilt, will not hurt either of them, anyone Jac: and it'll make you feel much better too, in the long run Savannah: you're so nice Savannah: the best person Jac: I'm really not Jac: but you should know that Jac: and I mean it Savannah: well, you are to me Jac: Sav Savannah: you don't believe that I mean it, do you? Jac: I believe you're that nice too Savannah: you're so important Jac: You're special Jac: you know Savannah: I know that you're too special to lose for a second time Jac: That doesn't have to happen Jac: I still want to go on this adventure with you Savannah: me too Jac: Then that's settled Savannah: that makes me feel so happy Savannah: I've really missed you Jac: That's what I'd write on your cast Savannah: would you? 🥰 Jac: Yeah Jac: now you don't have to break any bones to hear it though Savannah: That's probably for the best Jac: You've already got a top rep Savannah: Do you think so? Jac: Yes Jac: you're the prettiest fresher Savannah: No way! You're here Jac: 😊 Jac: I'll happily take 🥈 Savannah: but you seriously deserve 🥇 & you have to take that Jac: You can be my champion and I'll be yours Jac: how's that? Savannah: 😊 okay Jac: what did you think Jac: our first social event Savannah: I didn't meet any 🤴🏾🤴🏼🤴🏿🤴🏻 I think that means I'm supposed to be utterly devastated Jac: just distant relatives with no chin Savannah: 😄 Jac: there were some American girls 😭 in the bathroom over the same thing Savannah: of course there were Jac: neighbours? 😏 Savannah: I swear to god, every girl in my halls is Jac: they had the 🍾🥂 flowing at least, so that's one perk Savannah: 🙌 Savannah: but tomorrow it might not feel like one Jac: the 🥪 are apparently a decent hangover cure Savannah: oh good Savannah: because I don't have anyone to take care of me 😢 Jac: do you miss him? Savannah: no Jac: just having someone ready with the aspirin and OJ? Savannah: I wish someone was there to hold me, but it's fine, because my bed is SO small anyway Jac: I think we'll feel less alone when we settle Jac: I almost did a room share but Jac: casual bit of ptsd Savannah: Oh my god! you do not need to put yourself through that again, baby girl Jac: I'm glad I didn't Jac: could get a total Delia roommate Savannah: 😬 Savannah: how do you think her orientation week is going? Jac: I hope she's found her own group of show-offy tryhards Jac: I told you, so changed, so 👼 Jac: 😂 Savannah: you were always an 👼🏻 Savannah: but that's one of the things I hope doesn't change so I'm glad you're embracing it Jac: The only thing Jac: or Savannah: I said one of Jac: don't mind me, that time of the night where I desperately need validation or something 🥳 🥴 Savannah: I want to be someone who gives you what you need Jac: You just really like 💗 🌷 🌺 🌸 💗 Savannah: yes, but you look good in any colour Savannah: being BEYOND beautiful has it's advantages Jac: says you Jac: you look so knockout tonight Savannah: oh you've unblocked me 🥰 Jac: Imagine the absolute rudeness if I hadn't Savannah: I did say whatever you need Jac: I wanna see you Savannah: [a pic that's probably blurry af because she drunk but hello] Jac: [sends a 👋 one back 'cos adorable nerd] Savannah: 🥺 Jac: Your eyes are like that constantly Jac: it's like a superpower Savannah: You have way more power than I do Savannah: making me get 🦋🧡🦋🧡🦋🧡🦋🧡🦋🧡🦋🧡 Jac: If I had real power, it'd be tomorrow night so I can see you again Savannah: If I did, you'd be my roommate so I could always see you Jac: 🥺 Savannah: I totally took for granted how often I used to wake up next to you Jac: and double beds Jac: we can still have sleepovers now Jac: I can deal with the floor Savannah: if you're sleeping on the floor, I am too Jac: ❤ Jac: we can pool ALL our blankets, it'll be cosy Savannah: 🤗 Savannah: You have to stay over tomorrow! Jac: That'd be perfect, after our psych night Savannah: ^^^ because I have to share you with them all Jac: So far, you're definitely my favourite 😉 Savannah: everyone already LOVES you though & I have to tell myself Savannah 🚦 ⛔️ 🚫 ‼️ so I'm not like I loved her first Jac: you're going to be campus 👸🏾 though Jac: no 🤴🏾 necessary Jac: you're ✨ Savannah: 👸🏾✨👸🏻 me & you together Jac: Deal Savannah: Do you like anyone though? Jac: Like like wanna be friends or like like 😍? Savannah: well, I obviously meant as friends but of course you have to tell me if you're falling harder than that Savannah: I believe in the power of first impressions & love at first sight Jac: I'm not 😍 over anyone new Jac: not just 'cos my eyes are 🥴 rn Jac: I wanna get along with the people on our course, and I'm hopeful about it though Savannah: Awh baby, you need someone to take care of you too Savannah: at least wellies are easy to take off, unlike our 👗 Jac: like any man knows how to take off a bra Savannah: 😄 SO true Savannah: I always have to do it myself Jac: Me too Jac: but by choice, I guess Savannah: I'd allow it if they offered to take my makeup off instead, especially tonight Savannah: it's going to take forever Jac: being BEYOND beautiful has it's disadvantages too Savannah: 😴 Jac: Honey Savannah: Sligo's nightlife has done nothing to prepare me for St Andrews, HUGE shock, I know Jac: You're adorable Jac: and you'll still glow even if you wake up in last night's mascara Savannah: aren't you sleepy? Jac: I'm pure adrenaline and caffeine still Savannah: Oh okay, I remember now Savannah: how you are Jac: Haven't kicked those bad habits quite yet, soz Savannah: It's another reason why he reminded me of you Savannah: there's so many actually Jac: Is that as bad a thing as it sounds? Savannah: You're perfect, how could it be bad if he's even slightly like you? Jac: I guess because he's your ex, so if I'm even slightly like him Jac: I don't wanna be a painful reminder, like Savannah: I'm over it & even if I wasn't, he's my ex because of all the ways he's different to you Jac: Good Jac: I don't want you to want someone who doesn't want you as much as you deserve Savannah: this is exactly what I mean Savannah: you're so much kinder than him Savannah: or anyone Jac: I just care about you Savannah: I love you Jac: It's been forever since you said that Savannah: 😢 I hate that Savannah: I don't want it to feel like forever Jac: now you've resaid it, so it doesn't Savannah: I thought about you every day Jac: I thought about you so much Jac: what you were doing, how you were Jac: if you missed me too Savannah: ^^^ Savannah: literally ALWAYS during school I'd be wondering how my JJ was, especially during exams because, of course, you'd have the answers Savannah: but there'd be something I wanted to tell you or show you most of the time Savannah: it was definitely my most painful break up so far Jac: I should've been braver Jac: stayed in touch Jac: for both of us Savannah: No, you had to protect yourself because I was being a bad friend & I didn't protect you Jac: We were both bad friends, to Is Jac: I think it was our karma Jac: instant Savannah: you're right Savannah: it already wasn't fair to her that I just wanted you to myself, I should've been kinder about it Jac: it's what I wanted too Jac: it felt like just one too many ways to split my attention Jac: if I didn't want to, I should've at least been honest with her about it Savannah: but honesty is hard with someone like Isabelle Savannah: particularly if you know it'll hurt her Jac: exactly Jac: and even if it made sense to me, was what we wanted Jac: to actually have to explain it to someone else Jac: it seemed impossible, no excuse but Savannah: ^^^ Savannah: It was kind of a relief to have so many other things going wrong in Sligo, so I didn't have to explain what being without you felt like Savannah: Milo would NOT have understood any of it Jac: Tyler didn't, either Jac: I talked to him, like one time after Jac: disastrously drunk, obviously but I remember Savannah: oh no Savannah: I tried to ignore the fact that you'd still have to see him Savannah: it's still funny to me though, you're the only person who calls him that Jac: I'm the only one allowed a monosyllabic name, Tyler 🤷 Jac: it was shit, for a while, long while Jac: seeing them all Jac: but I was alright Savannah: 😄 your name is cuter anyway Savannah: but I'm so sorry Jac: No offense, but your exes names REALLY suit them Jac: 🤓 Savannah: 🤭 Jac: was the new one smart? Jac: Tyler wasn't, really Savannah: academically, yes Savannah: I avoided basketball players like Ty for obvious reasons Jac: no point repeating mistakes Jac: more fun to make new, better ones, every time Savannah: but I did keep checking on him, literally until he got that new girlfriend, please don't judge me Jac: he was your first love Jac: that's to be expected Savannah: are they still together? Jac: I honestly have no idea Jac: I was so focused on school by the end Jac: they were for ages though, like you guys Savannah: I hope he's really happy, with her or not Jac: I'll look for you, when I'm not at risk of a double-tap Jac: doesn't deserve my ❤ Savannah: no boy does Jac: it's unlikely Savannah: you and Cillian did look perfect together though 👼🏻 Jac: It wasn't a real thing Savannah: he wasn't so impressive up close? 😔 Jac: just not for me Savannah: was there anyone else for you? Jac: Nah Savannah: 😢 Jac: Don't be Jac: I wasn't Savannah: of course, you never were Savannah: they're just boys Jac: I don't like boys Savannah: I wish I didn't Savannah: they can be so disappointing Jac: my condolences Savannah: 😄 Savannah: maybe it's me, I am a high maintenance girl Savannah: it can be a lot to ask of them Jac: it's not you Jac: you're a good girlfriend Savannah: you always used to tell me that Savannah: more than they EVER did Jac: See Jac: it's them, not you Savannah: Or it's you Jac: Maybe Jac: it can be both of us Savannah: 😊 Jac: you want to get brunch tomorrow Jac: to plan and stuff Savannah: Yes! Savannah: I'll be 🥱 though so you have to promise to still love me Jac: Of course Jac: how could I not Savannah: can I tell you something? a secret Jac: go on Jac: 👀👂 Savannah: okay, I'm nervous Jac: I'm never going to judge you Jac: or tell anyone Savannah: I just want tomorrow to go well, you know? Jac: I feel the same Jac: first impressions, proper impressions Jac: but I know everyone is going to love you, so I'm not worried for you Savannah: don't be worried for you Jac: it's the only fresh start I've had Jac: I don't wanna fuck that up Savannah: you couldn't Savannah: I told you, everyone already loves you so much that I'm jealous Jac: You're just protective Jac: I love that about you Savannah: I love you & I don't ever want you to get hurt again Jac: You're very sweet and very drunk Jac: not to mention 🥱 Jac: are you ready for bed yet? Savannah: 🥺 I 🥺 still 🥺 need 🥺 to 🥺 take 🥺 my 🥺 makeup 🥺 off 🥺 Jac: Hold on then Savannah: are you sending me the energy? Jac: No, but I'm coming to do it Savannah: oh my god Savannah: seriously? Jac: I told you your 🥺 are your superpower Jac: I'll be about, 15, I think? Savannah: you're a superhero Savannah: & actually saving my life Jac: saving your pores, anyway Savannah: I won't get royal attention otherwise Savannah: my glow is very important Jac: You don't need to convince me Jac: wellies are back on Savannah: you do make them look good somehow Jac: can't take the country out of the girl Savannah: that's not true of like half of Sligo though Savannah: Milo had a posher voice than me Jac: You can see it Jac: in their faces Savannah: You don't think he was pretty? Jac: Not really Jac: not ugly, obviously Savannah: 😄 he'd be BEYOND offended Jac: as was Tyler 🤷 Savannah: is that what you talked about? Jac: it came up Jac: it was more of an argument than a chat though Savannah: he better NOT have been mean to you because I will break the mutual silence between he & I Jac: nah, it was all fair Jac: and I was drunk enough it was mutual Savannah: I still don't like it Savannah: how dare he Jac: I definitely started it Jac: another not my finest hour moment Savannah: he didn't have to retaliate Jac: it was really soon after you left Jac: we were all a mess, right Savannah: 😔😢 Savannah: I think I'm still a mess Jac: Not for long Jac: cleanser incoming Savannah: ✨ Jac: we're going to make this fresh start work Savannah: of course Savannah: I can do it with you Jac: ❤ Savannah: we can make anything work now Jac: I believe that Jac: I believe you Savannah: my nerves are gone Jac: Good Savannah: will you stay? Jac: I could Jac: if you don't mind Savannah: I'll mind more if you don't Savannah: please 🥺 please 🥺 please 🥺 Jac: You're going to kill me Savannah: I would never Jac: Not on purpose Savannah: I just don't want to miss you any more Jac: I know Jac: I want what you want Savannah: I need you back Savannah: forever this time Jac: [I better let you get there before you say anything more] Savannah: [when you're BUZZING to see your bae like it's been a thousand years] Jac: [so blushy] Savannah: [that's adorable and she'd be making it known how cute she looks and is] Jac: [just trying to busy finding the relevant skin care like oh hush you but not mad, obvs] Savannah: [good luck babe because she is too drunk and distracted to help you] Jac: [just like what is life/is this happening still lowkey] Savannah: [I dread to think how much gay and extra this is gonna get, god bless] Jac: [just like sit down babe] Savannah: [for this moment of intimacy and ridiculous closeness] Jac: [try (and fail) not to swoon with how hard you have to look at her rn] Savannah: [thank god her eyes are closed for some of the time to get all that mascara etc off] Jac: [have a secret moment] Savannah: [you need it cos she's gonna be smiling at you the whole time because happy and because it obviously feels nice] Jac: [just boop her nose when you're done 'cos don't even know what to say] Savannah: [a cute lol to kill you more gal] Jac: [when you left before she said sleepover so I hope you've changed into something you can sleep in but you might've not yet lmao] Savannah: [you can wear her clothes lbr you're that coupley already] Jac: [we all know it, just have a debrief of your nights in detail ladies] Savannah: [slag off all those posh lads] Jac: [it would've been such a culture shock Savannah: [yeah exactly and a reason for Savannah to be as drunk as she is because who do you know girl] Jac: [everyone is terrified freshers, that's the tea] Savannah: [mhmmm stick together ladies] Jac: [and you shall we all see it lol] Savannah: [the levels of gay are so strong in you both] Jac: [and will have all your classes together it's not even a different course moment] Savannah: [literally and all the same clubs etc we know you're into all the same things] Jac: [like you're forgiven for thinking you're fated 'cos well] Savannah: [it's hilarious that you weren't intense besties before you were tbh] Jac: [truly how] Savannah: [the world was not ready] Jac: [speaking of, did marianne ever have friends, she lived there her whole life, hmm] Savannah: [I think it was supposed to be no but like surely when she was younger she would've] Jac: [been alone forever, that's so sad] Savannah: [I think that was meant to be the vibe cos like her fam, you wouldn't want to have friends over, honey I relate] Jac: [mhmm, there are those kids I suppose but no wonder she was so fucked up, also this has nothing to do with this lol] Savannah: [it's so sad] Jac: [but also y'all don't have enough blankets for the floor so enjoy that single bed life] Savannah: [your parents would be proud babe] Jac: [is there anything we wanna say or do or have we covered the vibe?] Savannah: [I think we're probably good because the vibe clearly is that she falls asleep and Jac is left to die because not tired just like when your parents were fake dating except they were both suffering] Jac: [👍]

[animentality]

Oh wow.

Henry Cavill isn't gonna be superman anymore?

Damn.

I think he was a decent looking superman, and he had the potential to be a really good superman, but because of the shit writing for bvs and justice league, he was just shit out of luck.

It's not Henry's fault that the dark brooding angry superman just didn't appeal to audiences.

And Warner Bros sort of realized they were floundering with the whole DC extended universe, so they're trying to go for solo movies instead of copying what Marvel does.

Which is smart because you can't just copy someone else's strategy and expect it to go well.

Remember when Harry Potter split up its last movie because of all the content it had to work with, and because more money for two movies?

And then every young adult movie franchise, twilight, hunger games, did the same even though it absolutely was not necessary?

I guess DC thought hey let's do what marvel did, except we're gonna just shove everyone together and write an extremely brooding pretentious story about how much it sucks to be a hero and save people, and we'll make everyone look miserable.

And then we'll constantly do re shoots, trying to match the tone and color of marvel movies, but actually not change the content that people were actually disliking.

I mean here's the thing, and I've been saying this for a while.

It's fine for DC super hero movies to be dark.

And the Nolan Batman trilogy is sort of proof of that.

It was a standalone series that was darker and brooding, but played out more like a psychological thriller or a film noir kind of solemn art film.

I know some people don't think Batman should be a brooding asshole, but hey, the movies are good standalone interpretations of the Batman character.

And then we have the wonder woman movie.

A more cheerful and optimistic interpretation of the character.

Wonder Woman could be dark and edgy, but Patty Jenkins went for a lighter feeling and a kinder version of the character.

She's much more naive, but it is an origin story, and I like forward to seeing how she develops in 84.

The point is, I see why DC wants to focus on solo films now.

The Nolan verse and wonder woman were successful.

Trying to combine everyone RIGHT AT THE START was a weak attempt to rival Marvel's ensemble movies.

But marvel was smart and did individual stories first.

It did iron Man, and that was a good movie, it did Thor, it did Guardians of the Galaxy, Doctor Strange, Black Panther, and these movies stood on their own.

People could casually dip into any of these.

And then it started its grand finale with Avengers Infinity War.

It's giving all of its fans, from every individual film to fans of the entire universe that it had built up from the years of promotion, the satisfaction of seeing every character together.

They exist in the same universe, and they've been acknowledging that for years.

But DC and its weird attempt to start off with a combined universe...

It could've worked if the movies they made were good, but because they weren't....they're going back to básics.

And I wonder if that honestly will fix it.

Because bad writing and re shoots and not knowing what they want, dark and edgy or fun and entertaining, are what shot them in the foot, not the ensemble idea.

But, in retrospect, letting different directors work with individual films might be better because movies made by a group of businessmen trying to turn a profit, tend to be as sloppy as...

Suicide Squad.

A film director who actually gives a shit and doesn't have their work tampered with is always going to be better than some suit that decided that kids love hot topic colors and edgy music.

[pbandjesse]

Today was better but I was still very tired. I'm still very tired right now. I actually had to call out from the BMI because when I woke up this morning I was in so much pain from this exhausting I'm feeling that I couldn't get up. I had a text from Jess and James and I texted them for a few minutes when my alarm went off at 7 but I just decided I couldn't do it. I texted my boss and told her what was up and then I planned on still coming tomorrow and she was cool about it and told me to feel better. But this exhaustion is real guys. This is not just like I'm sleepy this is like my whole body cannot recover. And other people are saying it's jet lag but I don't know. It doesn't feel like a time zone thing. The time does it feel weird like it has in the past when I jump different time zones. I'm just so tired.

Getting to sleep that extra couple hours this morning did help when I was going to teach. And it really is making me feel like the BMI might be over for me. I'm going to hold out. I'm really going to try. But I don't know if I can do as many hours as they have me scheduled right now. Which sucks but it's not like it's that much money in the long run. Cuz like at Max I can make 12 hours a week. For 12 hours that's a lot of stress. I don't know. We'll see what happens. For now I'm going to keep going. Hopefully they just schedule me less.

But the nap helped and I got up at 10. I had a bagel and I got dressed. And I enjoyed being able to sit and not be expected to do anything for an hour. Like honestly I feel like I've barely had any real time to myself. And I know I have but a lot of that's been spent sleeping. And I'm just feeling a little worn down.

I left here a little after 12 and I went to catch the bus. I got to work and they were on a lockdown. It was very strange that were police officers and stuff. I'm still not entirely sure what happened. Cuz there was a fight yesterday that I heard may have had something to do with it but the governor also came to do a tour of the building? Unclear. They let me into the building and didn't say anything to me. Just all the doors were locked.

But I got to me closet space and started organizing. And Chelsi came and we talked. She confronted me about how upset I got yesterday about the hands on part of their football game. And how I may have upset a few of the kids. And I'm not going to deny that that was a big reaction on my part. But I was getting spoken to by another teacher and I was frustrated and frazzled and exhausted. But I can own up to my mistakes. So when the kids came in today we had them sit down in the back and I apologized for how I reacted to them. And that it wasn't appropriate and that we can all work on being kinder to each other. Speaking softer. We spent the next 15 minutes talking about how we can do better and making kind of a list of ideas. And most of the kids were really on board. There were two that were just not having it and it was making the other kids very frustrated. But it's always a work in progress.

We went outside for recess and we had a pretty good time. Me, Destiny, and Deaira walk around taking pictures of my clock Furby Patches, and Mackenzie braided my hair for a while. It was nice. We had pizza for dinner and I had some fun conversations with some of my kids. Including Mackenzie telling me that she's going to be president someday. Not that she wants to be but that she's going to be. And I really like the enthusiasm.

Our time was a little strange. Chelsea left the room to go and walk one of the girls around because they needed to talk and have some one-on-one time. Which is fine. But one of the table groups just decided they wanted to take the day off completely. And I was okay with it because they were under all the coats kind of hanging out in the corner and not bothering anyone. But then the other groups would walk over and step on them because I didn't see them under the coats. So that was frustrating. Trying to manage that and hot glue stuff. But most of the groups made great progress. One of the groups is still having trouble working as a team but in general it's still going well.

We have to start making a music playlist for them. So I have to add like 15 more songs to this playlist for tomorrow. But it was nice to have some music going on even if our speaker system is a little messed up. I need to remember to bring my bluetooth speaker at some point if I can find it.

We finished up the day okay though. I took the kids to snack and Chelsea let me leave right before 5:30 again so I can make the bus. I still am going to feel guilty about that every single day but she keeps saying it's fine. And that she just wants me to be safe at home and not standing outside for 45 minutes. Which I appreciate. But I still feel guilty about it. I hope they put the 545 bus back on the schedule. Because that was the better option. But now that the sun is staying up later it's not as big of a deal for me to stay until 6 anyway. It's just going to be different going forward every time I think.

I had to run a little bit but I did make the 5:30 bus even if it came at 5:28. I got home a couple minutes before 6. And changed and fed sweet pea. And then I biked to James's house for dinner. He made us fajitas. And Brandon was there. And that was fun. I mostly played on my phone and we talked about dumb stuff and they played video games and I watched videos. Dinner was good. And James started making Cookie Dough because I just wanted to eat that not necessarily the actual cookies. And he's the best boyfriend ever so he just did that. And then a little bit before 9 I headed home.

I started getting a headache on my right back. I got back here and took a shower and that helped. I wash my hair because it really needed it. And now I am laying in bed in my nice fluffy robe. And I am looking forward to falling asleep soon. Have one tour in the morning at the BMI and then I'm teaching. We have the intern tomorrow which is going to be interesting. It's the first time I'll work with him. He seems nice though. Very smart. I want to find out a little bit more of his story. But I think it'll be a nice day.

I hope you guys all have a good night. Sleep well. Stay warm.

[languagethrills]

5 WORKPLACE COMMUNICATION MISTAKES TEACHERS SHOULD AVOID

I am not perfect at communication. I am a teacher, so I am good at delivering classes. But when it comes to communicating marginal issues at work, issues that don't necessarily concern the curriculum, I often fall short. My students are undeniably the center of my attention every day, but they're not the only people at work I interact with on a daily basis. In fact, I would argue that teachers spend almost as much time communicating with each other as with their students, though of course if would differ from school to school. Communication breakdowns between work colleagues can lead to a drop in productivity, feelings of resentment and even resignation. Those are some serious reasons to want to be better at it.

Do you ever...

...hear "You should have told X about this earlier" from your supervisor?

...find yourself come home from work ranting to your loved ones about something that was said to you by a colleague of yours?

...hear "There's obviously been some kind of misunderstanding here"?

...wonder if you should tell anyone about an ongoing issue in your class or leave it be?

...say something that sounds completely innocuous, get a reaction opposite to what you expected, and realize your intentions were all wrong to start with?

Here are 5 work communication pitfalls that teachers often commit and ideally should replace with better behavioral or thinking patterns.

#1: ASSUMING

I arrive at work assuming that the weekly Monday meeting will take place at a usual time today. Monday is a busy day, and I'm completely immersed in lesson prep and ignore to check my phone. I step out to pop into a shop thinking I'll have plenty of time to come back right before the meeting. I come in only to find the meeting in full swing, and I'm embarrassed -- everyone is looking questioningly. After the meeting is over, I offer my apologies to the management, and check my phone to find a message about the meeting being moved to an earlier time. Assuming is such a common reason for communication breakdown that I could have given you 10+ more examples. A while ago I heard someone on the radio ask: "Are you an assumer or an inquirer?" "I'm an assumer," I was somewhat upset to admit. In my experience, people who would rather ask than assume tend to have fewer communication problems. What to do instead: Be an inquirer, not an assumer

It's very simple: if you don't know the answer -- ask. Assume nothing. Not when it comes to your students. Not when it comes to your workplace. Especially not when it comes to communication. If you can't immediately reach a person who you think will know the answer, plan on asking, and don't assume anything until you do. It is upon you to be the one who asks the right question.

#2: WITHHOLDING

Michael teaches a teenagers class. The majority of the children in class are boys, and there's a lot of horse-playing and friendly banter happening during the lessons. Michael manages to control the situation most of the time, but notices it can sometimes go out of hand when some of the more boisterous children cross the line and get verbally obnoxious. Michael can see that this bothers other children in class who feel they are being picked up on and decides to tackle the problem by addressing the whole class and talk to them about the importance of being friendly and tolerant in any circumstance. He decides not to say anything to the management, fearing of being perceived as being unable to control children in his care. Weeks later he receives a message from his school management that the parents of one of the children being picked up on decided to take him from this school. Michael realizes that the problem ran more deeply that he had assumed. Naturally, the management has questions. Teachers do it for various reasons: Michael's was fearing of being perceived as a lesser teacher. Some people do it our of pride to prove to everyone including themselves that they can do it without anyone's help. What to do I instead: Share with people who are supposed to know

Make sure everyone who is supposed to know about the situation is told about it by you. Perhaps the best advice that I'd ever received when it comes to communication was from my mentor, who said "Never leave the issue lying -- always address it head-on." Issues left unaddressed will almost definitely surface, only this time people involved will have questions about not being informed about it before. It is way better to be forthcoming. A conversation delayed is a problem exacerbated. #3: EXPECTING

Diane is an educated woman working in a small private language school. She likes being appreciated for the work she had put into her training, and expects respect in communication with her colleagues. The company goes through downsizing and Diane is made redundant. She's devastated, and doesn't understand why.

At work, there is really only one rule regarding expectations to live by:

What to do instead: Ask yourself if what you want is in everyone's interests

It is awfully nice to be appreciated, understood, listened to. It is wonderful to work in a place where people fulfill their promises and uphold unspoken agreements. And wouldn't it be glorious if everyone was courteous,  mannerly and genuine with us all the time? In reality, we live in a ever changing world surrounded by people who are having it just as hard as we do -- what makes them any smarter, mentally stronger and kinder than us that we expect this behavior from them, especially when deep down we know that it may not be in their interests? Not expecting doesn't have to make you jaded -- on the contrary, it may add a little more empathy to your life. After all, you are trying to understand whether what you're expecting is realistic from the other person's point of view. And once you do, you can be free of resentment.   #4: POINTING FINGERS Patricia is substituting a teacher who is sick. When taking over the classes, she notices that the teacher had been behind the syllabus for a while. When asked by the management how Patricia is  getting on with her temporary classes, she is quick to point out that the other teacher has been lagging behind, and that is why she is finding it difficult to keep up with the pacing. No one likes a person pointing fingers -- it makes for a situation where all parties will resent each other. What to do instead: Channel the conversation into what you've done

You may say something like "We started with X and are now doing Z, so I think that by the of next week we'll be doing Y." And just leave it at that. In an ideal world, I would make it a rule of thumb not to get into a conversation about people who are not in the room unless you want to evoke confidentiality regarding a conversation at hand. #5: FAULT-FINDING

Ashley is a teacher in a summer language school. She knows she is a good teacher, who is also smart and perceptive. In a meeting with her supervisor, she is quick to point out the issues that need to be addressed, but is unhappy with the solutions her supervisor has to offer. All parties leave the meeting a little frustrated and resenting each other. There is nothing wrong with bringing out the issues that need to be looked at. A good manager will want to surround themselves with people who are willing to work towards improvement. Your intention however should be primarily to work towards the solution of the problem. If it isn't, you will continuously get disappointed, frustrated and resentful. . What to do instead: Have a solution to offer

It is always a good idea to have a possible solution at hand - it will set your expectations  for the communication right, and will likely leave your management pleased with your initiative and willingness to find a solution. We fall victims to communication breakdown from time to time, and we all need to be better at it.  The key is to recognize the mindsets that lead to these or similar situations described above. Every situation described here is personal to me, in one way or another. I have been continuously learning to be a better communicator. I wrote this post in hope you would embark on this journey with me exploring your own communication shortcomings and taking it upon yourself to improve.

www.languagethrills.com