#like idk its rly just the food weakness that gets to me because it feels like it takes away more than other aspects of his kit give

[arolesbianism]

Yknow despite my absolute negative amount of interest in Wortox at this rate it's only a matter of time before I somehow start being mentally ill abt him too. If Wormwood and Willow got in my head then everyone else's days are numbered at this point </3

[mistergoddess]

the way i'm going to be absolutely fucked by bills on the 1st ^_^ rent n utilities n student loan payment all the usual stuff but then also... car insurance renewing and i have... hrt check in appointment on the 1st as well... and no health insurance rn bc unemployed so ummmmm no clue how that's gonna go out of pocket, i'm def gonna call this week and see what my options are and like if it's possible to just get it refilled without going in but pprrrrooobbably not so i'll also ask like for a quote for how much itll be and if there's any idfk financial help i can get or like sliding scale? probably nnnoootttttt bc its fancy private clinic, which was great when i had insurance! but now is like oh fuck oh shit! but worth trying to ask what they can do auuhhhh... but im looking at like upwards of $1200 in bills all hitting on one day lmfao fmsbl

AAAAND im injured so job hunt/working rn is sketchy and need gas and need to refill my t before the end of the month which is gonna be expensive now out of pocket and groceries are stupid fucking expensive bc im Not Good About Food and have Special Needs when it comes to food which makes it rly expensive and it's so exhausting to be like wow i could really like save money on food AND be healthier and have more energy if my mental issues didn't make my ability to eat different things and cook like fucking. nonexistent so i spend so much just eating like my Autism And Depression Wombo Combo Safe Foods i.e. instant food like ramen and frozen dinners and tuna/chicken salad and sandwiches and snacks which isn't good for me or nutritious and sustainable anyway.

it's so fucking hard i don't think of myself as struggling financially bc i'm crazy good with my money... usually... and always work it out and keep my savings up when i need to to keep a big safety net under me for just this kind of stuff since it's so hard to hold a job and i take a long time between jobs so i can't afford to let my savings dip to where i'd be absolutely stranded between jobs and can breathe a little. but then i get here and i'm like yeah it isn't good huh like money is indeed an issue isn't it. and then i don't think of myself as disabled and it's like yeah well clearly i struggle with stable employment and i struggle with the food thing. and my issues make it hard for me to work out stuff like negotiating and accessing healthcare in ways that are more manageable and affordable, like i know trying to call my gyno this week about the hrt checkin is going to be a disaster and i'm not gonna be able to ask the right questions or know how to ask for what i need and just get discouraged and scared.

like i DO have special needs and am at a disadvantage to ppl who can cope better and are higher functioning. but i don't. idk. allow myself? that? it's so fucking exhausting bc idk people have it far far worse and far harder than i do and i am functional to a degree but those weak spots and the inconsistency just mean. i'm disabled but not disabled enough to like treat myself kindly over it and not disabled enough to feel like i deserve to ask for help because i can take care of myself sometimes but the times i can't are really scary and stressful

i feel like. i'm constantly balancing on a fucking tightrope. or sliding down a hill and barely clinging to the side and desperately trying to climb back up a few feet before the next wave of the avalanche hits. and the fact that i CAN climb up and gain some ground a little makes me feel like. well i'm not really doing as bad as the people at the bottom of the fucking ravine who actually deserve to be rescued so i should just get over myself and why am i even here and why can't i just toughen up and get over it and climb all the way up. and i feel so fucking guilty like ok also why aren't i helping the people at the bottom of the ravine. if i can afford to keep some savings under me for times like this and emergencies then i'm just hoarding money and not doing enough for people who don't have that luxury like. i'm a bad person for looking out for myself first and not distributing what i have. idk.

and i know these are all really common anxieties and stresses and feelings of shame and guilt and self depreciation and self sabotage amongst ppl who have variable or mixed needs and like the fucking impostor syndrome that comes with it... which helps me feel less alone but i feel really alone too and i am quite alone, i have 2 really key players in my support network who i'm endlessly grateful for but i don't have anyone taking care of me but me and it's exhausting just. staying afloat. but i don't see myself as worthy of that exhaustion. i don't have anyone i can rely on just for like. idk. sympathy and comfort and distraction bc i don't have any irl friends and i don't have a social life so it's just me like. either going to work and struggling a bit to maintain that or being unemployed and struggling really hard to gain ground again and get back to stable. i don't have a lot of joy or wonder or exploration or experiences in my life because it's hard enough just to exist and not spiral and lose everything i'm constantly working so hard for and not spiral and start wanting to kill myself.

[garlickgnot]

tw // calories (numbers)

so since things have got bad i have been using an app to see how many calories i am eating every day not for the sake of making a deficit or staying within a boundary but just to make sure I’m putting enough food in my body for my brain to at least function >___< bc i can’t visualize or mentally measure portions or calories without the help of an app and its important to me that i am staying aware of my actual intake…

but even though i tried really hard today & made a big pasta bowl with butter and cheese and chicken (the whole thing added up to like 650cal and i thought it would be a rly good way of getting myself on the right track for today) i couldnt finish it and i didn’t end up breaking 1000 for the day 😞 my appetite just wasn’t there today, but on the bright side i was able to eat a wider variety than yesterday, and i didn’t feel like a complete exhausted mess.

this is all sort of new to me. i’ve only known it’s arfid for a few days now. And the change for me was so sudden. It’s been years since I’ve struggled with anything like disordered eating or dieting or anything like that. I was so happy to be fat and to eat what i wanted !! I’m definitely not a traditional case. I’m not a very picky eater. I’m actually a massive foodie, and really adventurous with food. Nothing was out of the question unless I genuinely didn’t like the taste. I had no problem eating for such a long time and it was such a huge relief. I would maybe have a day, or a few hours, where i was physicaly hungry but couldn’t bring myself to eat anything, but at the time I just thought it was me not being interested in what we had available.

And then recently it just changed, out of nowhere. I can’t think of a catalyst for it at all. But all of a sudden i just couldn’t eat. Even if i was weak and hurting and on the verge of passing out, i couldn’t do it. And then there are days when i just don’t feel hunger at all. But it’s been weeks now and it has never lasted this long, or with this intensity. :/

I’m honestly scared. I’m scared that I’m going to lose weight, like a lot of it, without meaning to. I’m scared for my body. My organs. My skin and my hair and my teeth. And my brain. And I’m scared that if I do lose weight, that I’ll like it in some sick way. I’m scared of relapse into restriction. I’m scared of being forced to go to an inpatient program that won’t ever be able to help me because arfid has no cure and minimal treatment options. I’m scared of a lot of things. So that’s why I’m determined to do what I can to fight it while it’s still early.

Idk. ty for reading this if u did. now go drink water (or any other fluid of your choice). and we will do better tomorrow 🫡

[cavesalamander]

My brief thoughts on this season of anime!

Just a quick review of the ones I’d recommend and/or keep watching. I managed to find all of the below on Funimation or Crunchyroll or Youtube!

Horymia: (Yes) This is looking to be a very funny romcom slice of life style anime, and seems to be a fairly good one! Had me laughing a lot. The Main couple are a nerdy quiet boy who’s actually dumb as a sack of bricks using his disheveled appearance to hide his tattoos and piercings, and a popular pretty girl who’s actually a total homebody. Their friends seem to have a lot of potential to be fleshed out as the series progresses and I look forward to seeing how it goes!

So I’m a Spider, So What?: (Yes) Whooo another isekai (excited)! This time a girl and her entire class!? Get isekai’d in a massive explosion. The main character reincarnates as a trash monster in a dungeon and must fight her way up the food chain just to survive. Meanwhile her friends who have mostly reincarnated as Cool Humans or the occasional elf or baby dragon, have mostly found each other, and want to figure out what happened/why and if they’re all okay. It’s genuinely pretty funny, though leans a little too hard sometimes on the gamey aspects of this new world. I think it may get darker as it goes along too.

Mushoku Tensei: (No) Whooo another isekai (derogatory). 34 yo old man gets reincarnated and uses his worldly experience to Learn Magic Fast and creep on his mom and prepubescent tutor. If you can stomach that stuff, it actually has a fair amount of potential? It did set itself up to touch on some interesting stuff down the road, but I’m kind of Over the horny toddler/young boy trope and it kinda just seems like the protagonist is Just Awesome At Everything but not in a remotely charming way.

Cells at Work Code Black: (Yes) If you liked Cells at Work, this is that but dingier, and is able to tackle some darker themes - like what stress, smoking, drinking, and probably eventually STDs can do to your body.

Kemono Jihen: (Yes) I don’t wanna explain TOO much about the plot of this one because it looks to be a mystery series, and the first episode sets it up the characters very very well. A man from the city is called to a rural town where animals are being mysteriously killed and found rotting. He’s tasked with finding and killing the perpetrator, assumed to be a monster of some kind. It does the horror very well, and even in the first episode manages some twistyness.

The Hidden Dungeon Only I Can Enter: (No) Even for a blatant fan service anime this one is just......... stupid. It might have a scrap of joy to it if the protagonist were anything other than a boring sycophant. His harem just all seems to be random girls who’s singular personality traits are to be in love with him in various stereotypical ways, that he just uses to min max his Cool Stats. But like, it’s not even self aware enough to make that into an interesting premise.

Sk8: (Yes) It’s a racing anime that seems super stylish and fun and very well animated. The protagonists have some cool chemistry already, and it really leans into the Underground Illegal Racing part of the fun - all the various characters who battle in death defying races through this abandoned mine, all have seemingly ordinary day jobs. Definitely worth a shot if that sounds up your alley.

Suppose a Kid from the Last Dungeon Boonies moved to a starter town?: (Probably) Okay so the premise is just there in the title and is actually pretty fun. Think: a random NPC who is considered pretty weak where the monsters are lv 50 moving somewhere where the monsters are scary at lv 5, shenanigans ensue. The MC boy is hilariously oblivious to the fact that anyone with a shred of sense can see he’s insanely over leveled to the area, and just trying to be nice and polite to everyone ^u^. The tentative nature of my recommendation is that it is kind of leaning harder on the Girls are Obsessed With Him train than is ideal. How much it depends on that as opposed to utilizing the premise to its fullest extent will have an enormous bearing on how fun the show is to watch going forward.

Ex-Arm: (Absolutely not but yes) It’s a fucking train wreck.

Heavens Design Team: (Yes) God decided to outsource creating animals to a team of angels, and works as a client giving weird ass requests for the angels to fill. Hilarity ensues, and it is peak edutainment to boot. It’s so much fun learning weird shit about animals, or trying to guess the animal these seemingly random train of failed attempts leads to.

Dr. Ramune -Mysterious Disease Specialist-: (No) It has a promising premise and some good moments. The main characters are solving these weird “diseases” that people get by finding the actual emotional cause and using magic of some kind to monkey paw it into a resolution. This could be really fun and interesting, but something about the execution just... falls flat? Like maybe it picks up as the season goes on but for now it’s not rly worth it.

Vlad Love: (Yes) I was going through the list of anime this season and was like wtf is this and literally just now watched episode 1. It’s about a girl with a blood donation kink and her vampire girlfriend. Literally. It’s rly funny and over the top ridiculous but like, gay vampires.

Back Arrow: (No) It’s like... fine. It’s about these two warring kingdoms surrounded by a wall with a mountain range between. They worship the wall as god, and occasionally get gifts from beyond it, in the form of mech suits they use to fight each other in. One day a boy shows up from beyond the wall in one of those suits and no memories of anything and he wants to get back. Which... could be promising I guess? But something about the show just didn’t grab my attention.

Skate-Leading Stars: (No) It’s like Yuri on ice if it was less gay and less well written I guess...? The first episode set up the Drama competently enough, but I just... couldn’t give a shit.

Project Scard: (No) For some reason part of Tokyo has been turned into a post apocalyptic hellscape where people just murder each other. They also have super powered tattoos and use them to fight each other. Animation is very similar to Handshakers - which is an Aesthetic that may not appeal to some. The first episode didn’t rly do much for me but I could see it going somewhere if it tries.

Wave!!: (No) Might have been a tentative yes if I hadn’t gone on and watched the second episode. First ep went hard with the queerbaiting cause they want to be the new Free! but with surfing, but Ep 2 just forgot all about that entirely. Dialogue is mostly boring and there’s like 3 sets, which becomes painfully obvious very quickly by ep 2.

Idoly Pride: (No) Literally looks like they ripped off the waifus of a bunch of other more popular anime and made an idol anime with the most basic ass idol plot. Nothing exceptional here.

Gekidol: (undecided) It’s an idol anime... set after a mysterious apocalyptic event? It’s mostly so far seemed intriguing as hell but not my jam. Mysterious craters destroyed parts of Japan, and its rebuilding and the MCs wanna bring light to the world. Maybe aliens exist? Idk! I’m intrigued.

I*Chu: (No) Another idol anime but this time it’s cute boys! Idk maybe this is a decent idol anime but it rly didn’t grab me and idol stuff isn’t usually my jam. I couldn’t tell anything exceptionally unique about this one from just the first episode.

WIXOSS Diva: (No, but) I don’t normally watch spin-offs of series but I didn’t realize until halfway into this that it was one cause Crunchyroll didn’t attach it to the core line. It’s like... magical girl battle idols in VR! Which honestly if you’re a fan of that it might actually be worth checking out.(edited)

Idolls!: (No) Another idol anime! But this one uses mocap 3d models. Phoned in plot line delivered by a weird tiki statue that tells the girls what to do. Seems extraordinarily low budget, and more just a way to sell music. The whole episode happened in a single set and  was basically just... girls want to make it big as idols... oh no... gotta book a stage! Yay they got one! Now must get an audience! Like... ok

Hortensia Saga: (No but) Sword and sorcery fantasy setting that’s mostly sword, main character is a princess masquerading as a male knight alongside the son of her dead parents’s also dead bodyguard. The first episode is very lore heavy and felt kinda like the prologue to a video game. So it ended up feeling a little expository and trope laden, but it has potential. Seems a bit Game of Thronesy? Wasn’t like... bad or anything, so if it’s your thing you might enjoy it.

Otherside Picnic: (Yes) I think it’s gay first of all, two girls going exploring / treasure hunting / monster hunting in a bizarre mirror world to their own. Girls are cute, it’s very interesting premise and writing seems solid.

Wonder Egg Priority: (Yes) It deals with some HEAVY themes? But it’s... a bit of a psychological horror but in a way that feels very like it’s dealing with some of the real life issues. The main character girl comes across as neurodivergent, and it’s just... idk man the first episode was good and left me wanting more.

[messedupessy]

Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh idk if you did this but gimme some of that sweet spicyhoneybqq juice

Heya ducky UwU ❤ and omg yeeeeeesss this one of my fave ships yeeesss, I actually mentioned this ship when I did some SpicyBBQ, as for Edge and Rus to work properly and healthy they need a third person, and Stretch is the perfect guy for that 

And also sorry for answering this so frikking late it’s been fucking months and I forgot about this one as I got so stuck xD

who’s the cuddler: It’s a tie between Rus and Stretch, though since Rus is one clingy hoe he might be winning tho his cuddles way too often turns sexual so they don’t count pfft, Edge is ofc very cuddly too but not to such extremes as the other two, but he do srs love to be squished between his two way taller boyfriends, its nice, unless Rus hasn’t showered in awhile bc then he will get kicked the fuck off because Edge do not like smelly ppl in his clean bed, much to the amusement of the other two pfft. 

who makes the bed: Edge, as he is one big clean freak and likes things to be in order, Stretch sometimes does it for him as he knows Edge likes it which Edge appreciates, but Edge do not allow Rus to make the bed as Edge do not want his shit on his fine sheets, tho Stretch and Rus are rubbing off of him a bit when it comes to not making the bed exactly everyday, which he complains about, but still Edge do make the bed most mornings. 

who wakes up first: Edge, as he got a very set schedule and will wake up at 6 am pretty much every day unless pulled back into bed grumbling but loving it, as he is one big af workaholic, though technically its Rus who wake sup first as he usually only sleep 1-2 hours a night, but after getting together with both Edge and Stretch he begins to sleep much more which he srs need, while Stretch is just unable to wake up like at all unless you like pinch him he is one deep af sleeper and alarms do not work on him. 

who has the weird taste in music: It’s kind of a tie between Rus and Stretch, Rus listens to metal and angsty stuff though it’s not really weird but what is weird is that he rly likes listening to asmr, while Stretch pretty much listens to anything and everything and then listens to the same song on repeat for weeks, doesn’t matter what it is as long as he likes the lyrics, the voice, the actual music he is all for it, Edge is the only like normal kind of ish, he listens to old rock and instrumental, especially instrumental with violins. 

who is more protective: Rus is, he is really fucking protective of the people he really grows to love and care for, but its not in a controlling protectiveness but it’s more in a “I am afraid to lose the only one’s who actually care to put up with a piece of shitty trash like me” and so on, and he easily grows jelly af which is something he needs to work on especially since neither Stretch or Edge will allow such behavior, like some jelly is fine but when it makes you do dumb shit then you need to stop.

Edge is a tiny bit protective, as when I hear the word protective I assume its in more of a bad overprotective way, but for Edge it’s more that he is forced to be more protective than he would like thanks to his status as the royal guard captain/ambassador etc, he got enemies and so in turn he knows people close to him might be used against him, and he will do his best to make sure it never happens. 

who sings in the shower: Stretch absolutely, he listens to the radio as he showers and sings loudly along with any songs he knows, Edge showers too quickly to even think about singing he is a very busy working boy, Rus rarely ever showers because he is nasty trash but when he do there is no singing.

tho showering together will make them all sing if u know what i mean uhuhuuhuhuuuuhuu ;>c

who cries during movies: Edge, he is  really weak for any romantic movies he is seriously weak to them, and so he will cry over them no matter how bad they are. Stretch only tears up when bad stuff happens to animals, while Rus just don’t cry at all. 

who spends the most while out shopping: Stretch, because he is a hoarder and can’t help but buy shit that catches his interests, no matter how useless or shitty it is as long as it catches his eye he will most likely buy it. Edge only buys stuff that is necessary, only sometimes buying things he really wants but happens rarely. While Rus just never have any cash at all as he spends the little he has on cigarettes etc, but when he actually gets a job and starts getting actual money he ends up barely spending them except on like I said earlier, cigarettes, though now also on food and maybe something he think the other two will enjoy, which Stretch and Edge also do bc gifts.  

who kisses more roughly: Rus no butts about it, he really likes it very rough so his kisses are of course usually very rough, and his sharp teeth don’t help either. Edge kiss a bit rough too but mostly because of his sharp teeth, but both of them can kiss softly af tho Rus just usually go rough first and it just depends on how things are gonna proceed if he keeps doing it.  

who is more dominate: It’s a tie between Rus and Edge, like Rus do love to be dominated af but he is also very dominate like even tho also not he is weird, while Edge usually ends up been more dominate by default but he too don’t mind been less so, all my boys are switches af ok, but when it comes to these 3 Rus and Edge are just a bit more dominate than Stretch, who just prefers to go with the flow, but it doesn’t mean he won’t be dominate to time to time too, it all depends on what they all feel like atm etc

my rating of the ship from 1-10: 10/10! It’s a really good ship in my opinion, like there is so many possibilities for drama to happen, for lots of hurt and comfort, for sweet soft stuff to happen, for some boys to heal, adds some spice to stuff too and I just love their overall dynamic, or at least mine tho have read others and they good yeah, that I can recall it’s been awhile since I read any xD but yeah I really like these 3 they just work, even tho Edge’s dislike and trouble with Rus at first is a big problem all 3 will have to work on to get stuff to work, the fact also that Edge is such a workaholic and need to srs take care of himself more, and the fact Rus is trash and has a habit of self sabotaging his own happiness as he consider that he don’t deserve it after the shit he done, and Stretch been overly helpful and chill and a bit unable to say no when ppl ask him for help etc so yeah them boys got it cut out for themselves ye xD

Ship ask thingie here ye, not taking them anymore yo

[aers]

if i can ask, why do you hate rehabbers? no pressure to answer or anything, i'm just curious

ohhh my god this is such a can of WERMS ! im just gonna rant unsourced but feel free to look into any of this shit idk.

im a conservationist at heart and i LOVE animals, but a few things rly grind my gears. those backyard rehabbers who take in usually prey animals that are abundant (like deer) and nurse them back to health are a huge one. i fucking love deer and im kin with them!! but oh my god honestly people spend SO much money saving prey animals, who shouldnt be living to old age ANYWAY, just because it tugs on their heartstrings? these animals usually die at the first sign of weakness and a baby deer with a brain or leg injury is gonna be food in no time. most of em die soon after being released! its a waste of time and money and energy ffs.

super unpopular onion but this goes so much more for pets and invasive species. like i knowww they could be pets and that makes us Sad but we are really out here supporting no kill shelters that have an abundance of aggressive, ill, or otherwise unadoptable animals that are wasting away in cages while millions of cats are still out there wrecking havoc on the environment and hunting species to extinction D: rehabbing cats and dogs (let alone fucking rodents) makes me so sad and angry because god some of these dogs get thousands spent on them that could go to conserving a dying species.... its sad and awful honestly

meanwhile no one gives a single shit about the importance of a wasp or a toad because theyre not cute (in general megafauna makes me roll my eyes but thats just the entomologist lover in me idk)!! and im just!! tired of big fuzzy "cute" animals getting all the money and glory when we're really just anthropomorphizing them anyway!! FUCK!!!!!

[jiminsfault]

Tag game!

I was tagged by @gallhali tysm bby I missed doing these tag things uwu

- Nickname(s): fee

- Bias: Taehyung! but Jungkook, Yoongi and Namjoon are trying to break us apart :(

- Blood type: the real question is who tf knows their blood type??

- Favorite food: nOOdles

- Birthday: sept 29 uwu

- Zodiac: Libra and it really fucken shows

- Pronouns: she/her

- Hair length: when it’s wet around my hips but my curls make it be around my boobs :/

- Height: about like... 160 cm/ 5″3,,, haven’t measured myself in a while

- A crush: nO sadly not someone make me fall in love pls

- What do you like about yourself: [awkward silence]

- Left or right handed: right handed but I swear I’m currently trying to use my left hand equally well just to weird ppl out (it’s not going well thanks for asking)

- List of 3 favourites colours: yellow, purple and maybe blue?

- (Right now) eating: the only thing I ate was leftovers from yesterday and it’s literally about 9pm now

- (Right now) drinking: Water. Always water.

- I’m about to: probably sleep tbh :/ if I can

- Listening to: rn nothing but black swan is stuck in my head and on replay

- Kids: idk if I should trust myself to raise up a person honestly, shit would be chaotic

- Get married: if someone would fucken love me maybe so

- Recent phone call: I literally never get any calls and tbh I’m sad about it :( 

- (Have u ever) dated someone twice: nO

- Been cheated on: I have the feeling yeah but no facts

- Kissed someone and regretted it: big yes omg I was drunk and regretted many things from that night

- Lost someone special: yeah

- Been depressed: my mood always comes and goes in waves so when I’m sad I’m sAd sad,,, so yeah

- Been drunk and thrown up: I’ve never had to throw up when I got drunk, maybe cuz I’m such a lightweight fejfjew

- Had glasses or contacts: both, currently only using my contacts tho bc I need new glasses 

- Had sex on the first date: nO

- Broken someone’s heart: maybe so? at least not on purpose 

- Turned someone down: yeaaahhhhhh

- Cried when someone died: honestly I don’t think so? 

- Fallen for a friend: sO much which fucking hurts because my friends always start to hate me after like a year? so ://

- (In the last year) have you made a new friend: yes

- Laughed until you cried: no sadly not I think

- Met someone who changed you: I met a lot of people who have a little influence on me but since two years no one changed me completely

- Found out who your true friends are: idk, maybe

- Found out someone was talking about you: yeah a hell of a lot of people did, just stuck up ppl from high school who never liked me tho so its g

- Lips or eyes: neither are things I care about a lot but if I had to choose eyes, it’s really great to be able to look at ppls eyes when talking to them

- Hugs or kisses: physical affection in general would be crispy right about now

- Romantic or spontaneous: as a libra I’m forced to say romantic, also I fucking hate spontaneous things most of the time 

- Hookup or relationship: relationship for suuure my heart’s too weak for casual shit

- First best friend: I never have had a best friend like when I’m also their best friend 

- Surgery: never had any, thank the lord

- Sports I joined: I used to do gymnastic stuff when I was smaller but ever since I’ve been older I only did sport stuff at home

- Do u believe in urself: sometimes yes, sometimes no

- Miracles: no

- Love at first sight: no but,,, that could change

- Heaven: no

- Do you have any pets: my family has fishes and a cat that overtime grew to be more my cat but don’t tell my mom,,,, I also have a hamster uwu

- Do you want to change your name: legit sometimes wanna do that but I wouldn’t know into which name??

- What did u do for your last birthday: I went to the cinema to see a movie with a friend I’m not rly talking to anymore and another friend I barely talk to soo,,,, thats,,,, yeah

- What time did u wake up today: 9.30am or sumn

- What were you doing last night at midnight: not to be emo on main but I was crying myself a river babey

- Something i can’t wait for: my stomach to stop hurting would be fuckEn nicE bro

- Last time i saw my mum: like ten minutes ago

- What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: I’d really want to be one of those ppl who dont give a shit about anything like ppl not liking them? don’t care, ppl not talking to them? don’t care. Just not being so anxious and shy all the time and being able to portray emotions would be great too. Just generally growing up somewhere else with other people around me and not loving sweets and snacks as much as I do gOddAmmnnn

Tagging: everyone who wants to do dissss,,,,, Im not sure which mutuals I can tag heh

[spelviin]

endgame thoughts, not because i think i have anything valuable to say abt it, more just bc i want to get my initial unsullied opinions out before various overly nitpicky or overly praisy internet thinkpieces come around

okay so. first of all, i’m tired to death of the way folks talk about the mcu. like, it’s either a godly feat of everything and the most important thing ever or the literal devil incarnate and the source of all evil in this world. i am literally so fucking bored of both these perspectives and have zero time for either of them. 

yes, the mcu is emblematic of a lot of problems in the current state of the film medium as a whole. yes, it is also a really cool feat of storytelling that a whole bunch of movies spanning a whole bunch of years could all come together and culminate in a big huge blowout finale. yes, it could have been far better, but yes, it also could have been far worse. 

i wasn’t a fan of thor being a punchline in this film. like, the whole “lol thor fat” thing was like, really tired and not cool. and the fact that his genuine moments of expressing grief and the significant trauma he’s been through were played off for laughs more often than not bc “lol thor supposed to be big many man but he’s crying like a wimpyboy instread.” like, fucking please. it’s 2019 and other male characters were allowed to be shown crying and processing their trauma but thor’s??? not allowed for some reason??? anyway they did him dirty in this movie and i’m not super pleased abt that. 

i didn’t like that they fridged natasha. i’m not a fan of scarjo so much these days, but i did like natasha. 2012 me adored her and was 100000% behind her as the Only Woman (despite being miffed that she was the Only Woman) and i really liked her character and redemption arc through the films that she appeared in. and like, i get the justification for fridging her. like i get that she was this assassin who killed a bunch of folks and in the end, not only wiped out the red in her ledger, but saved the whole damn universe in doing so. i get that. i’m just annoyed that they literally went and fridged the Only Woman to give the boys manpain before the third act. 

speaking of the ladies.... the One Scene Where Women Get To Do Things. my god. the critical feminist part of my mind greatly resented the obvious lip service of that scene, and the fact that the ladies only got the one shining moment before we got back to the sausage fest. but lord, the lesbian part of my mind hella enjoyed it. like i was legit bouncing in my seat like YESSSS FUCK EM UP LADIES i was just completely stoked. 

and my god. MY GOD CAN WE TALK ABOUT CAROL’S HAIRCUT AKA A GIFT TO THE LESBIANS. THIS MOVIE HAS MANY SINS BUT WE CAN ALL THANK IT FOR THAT HAIRCUT. (and again, feminist me is like, hey, dont focus on her appearance, focus on the important shit she did in singlehandedly turning the battle around for everyone, but lesbian lizard brain is hhhhhhhhhhhhh girl hot)

anyways. 2012 me was a month out of a major jaw surgery when i saw the first avengers, puffy faced, on heavy painkillers, and unable to eat any solid foods, and just generally weak and miserable. i dragged myself to the theatre and i smiled the whole way through that movie bc even though i was feeling super shitty, that 360 shot of the team made me so excited and happy. so happy that i watched and rewatched a bootleg download over what was probably the worst summer of my life, and it made me happy and gave me hope, dumb as that may sound. 

i havent watched the first avengers movie in a long time, and i’m not sure if i’d feel the same way seeing it now. remembering how it felt then still makes me happy, but seeing that same 360 shot repeated in endgame didnt stoke much emotion. tumblr fandom took a lot of my avengers joy away. the drama and character hate and constant complaining and cringe culture bullshit exhausted me. and the recent turns of the mcu also contributed to that. a lot of things contributed to it, i guess. but i dont feel as happy as i once did. so a lot of this movie rang a little bit hollow, needless to say. 

that being said, though, i did feel a little flicker of that joy. for all the movie’s and the franchise’s faults, of which there are many, i can say that the moment where all those portals opened up and the revived characters stepped though, i felt that happiness again. i legit almost cried when i saw shuri’s silhouette step out of that circle. that moment when the score came in with that booming version of the avengers theme, i was 2012 me again, just for a moment, and i think that’s worth something. to me, that’s worth something. so for all its sins, i thank the movie for that. 

this is rly rambly and im tired so im just gonna say 2 more things. things i’m not personally super invested in, but other people are, and so i feel i need to have an opinion on em.

first is bucky. i fucking adore him, and i am kinda miffed that he got like, no interactions with steve. i know steve/peggy is the canon ship, i knew it was always endgame (heh) and that stucky is just a fandom thing. but god damn it, even if they were never gonna have their relationship go there (which tbh i literally never even came close to expecting to happen) it still feels a little bit unfair to have steve basically ignore probably the most important person in his life. like, i know he wanted to live his happy straight life with peggy, and passing on the shield and identity of captain america to sam is super important, and i loved that moment and would never begrudge him that bc i adore sam. i was just... really sad that bucky had to get kinda shafted for that. (literally all i was saying in the last half hour was “but where’s bucky? but what about bucky?” our boy deserved better. 

second is tony. tony tony tony. i know folks have a lot of strong feelings about him, both ways. i know of folks who think he’s the scum of the earth for some dumb reason, and i personally know others who think the entire mcu should revolve around him, for equally dumb reasons. i’m more neutral. i think he’s a good character who made questionable decisions in the past. i feel for him and his struggles with PTSD. i respect him as a character in-universe and also for what he and RDJ accomplished. like, if he hadn’t hit it out of the park with that first movie like a fucking decade ago, none of this would have been possible, and i think that’s pretty damn cool, regardless of feelings on the monster juggernaut the mcu has turned into. basically, i know some folks are maliciously rejoicing at his death while complaining that he got a hero’s send-off when he is a Bad And Not Morally Pure Man, which is. boring. and other people (namely one who i know personally in my family) who are mad because he is an Angel and deserved the Best Happy Ending Because No Bad Things Are Allowed To Happen To This Perfect Boy. i’m not here for either opinion. i’m okay that he died (peter crying over him did get to me in a huge way, but i think tom holland just has a power that if he’s crying, i’m crying so idk). i think it’s cool that he got to save everyone and got a heroic and well deserved send off. this isnt a revolutionary opinion i just wanted to throw it out there bc im bored with the polarization. 

and... yeah? i think that’s it? sorry, im really tired and this probs doesn’t make sense but i just felt like i had to get the initial reactions and feelings down before the thinkpieces get to me lmao. 

oh, also nebula deserved better 2kforever i just love her a lot and want her to be happy and not suffer, kthxbye 

[solidburnreturned]

by popular demand, here is my oc chatter regarding stuff like relationships n random character traits. its rly long oops but i divided it by character at least lmao,, these are all things that i think id also wanna use if i ever use these characters as humans (which i def will at some point honestly)

- i thinkkkk i want toad and pike to date. toad would come across pike in their lagoon one day while hes wandering around on another wonked exploration and pike is like hey lol :B with their pointy teeth and long ass hair and toad is like :0 he just sits and talks with pike for hours and comes by a few times a week to hang out with them. they fall in LOVE

- fred and lani are def gonna date too. two butches who use he/him pronouns fuck yeah? they have a powerful relationship. mega BDE. power couple. not a lot of pda but alone together theyre both very loving and tender, its a vulnerability thing for both of them. like lani is very cool and can be either stoic or borderline obnoxious while fred is punkish. fred is very head over heels for lani tho 

- mardi n berg.....complicated....i gotta figure out how they actually end up together. berg is a jogger and mardi is a piercer/tattoo artist so that doesnt....make them line up very much in that department. ill think about it more and figure something out. itll probably have something to do with berg’s nose stripes and eye rings

- also side note on mardi......i want his backstory to include a grey period set off by his brother being eaten when they were both young at the troll tree. like he becomes angry and depressed, sorta like branch, his tattoos that he gives himself the only color on his body, until he learns to let go and his colors come back (high key this was inspired by 21 savage, mardi’s voice claim, and the line in his new song A Lot “my brother lost his life and it turned me to a beast”). ill develop this idea further but i just wanted to get it written down

- bismuth.......unsure. they had a crush on pepper and kept trying to ask her out until she came out to them as a lesbian, then they were like :’) but theyre ride or die theyre not gonna be an ass to her because they cant date her. they just care a lot about her. its like icarly

- gazpacho and jupiter CUTE two small trans trolls in That Love. i need to develop them more but. theyre just cute 

- talia is still a little too new for me to develop her......but im thinkin about it...

- kinda same with ernie and olive. they kinda mostly just exist as cute babby characters right now? if anything olive is a trouble maker and ernie is a chatterbox

- clem and thursday also fuckin cute as hell......clem was a nervous wreck asking thursday out but theyve been together like ever since, which is more than a few years. they have a rly cute gentle lovey dovey relationship. thursday is usually hanging around up on her gf’s shoulder giving her kisses on the cheek

- bea and crystal.......adorabl relationship......crystal is another character thats kinda nervous but bea is so chill n confident is helps calm her down. theyre both trans and love the hell out of each other. rly slow n steady relationship, bea is very patient

- pj and marcus!!!! dumb mlm rep relationship. pj is so so gay for marcus he can barely comprehend it. its a dumb ego boost for marcus but hes also very in love with pj, he just expresses it in a weird cocky way idk marcus is a nerd. i need to make more content for them i think about these two way more than it seems

- dwight!! he has a boat. he lives on the boat.....ive thought about maybe pairing him with toad and pike. deciding on his voice claim has been the most difficult thing ever

- kass and current HELL yeah buff gf and tol gf......they spar with swords and wrestle for fun and hang out at the beach a lot. kass fuckin loves the gem on current’s back. i gotta make more content for them 

- celia......i wanna do more with celia. friends with berg probs theyre both sporty. shes just a sweet giant troll who loves mushrooms. i gotta pair her with someone whose palette goes nicely with her pastels 

- carrot and harriet are literally cricket and tilly from big city greens just older. yeehaw siblings. havent thought about relationship stuff with harriet yet.....i think she also needs ANOTHER redesign her colors are just too heavy still. maybe if i can make her colors compliment celia’s that could work as a pairing? hm hm.....carrot tho is dating ford’s oc rye theyre gentle country gays

- rainer. hm. i dont think theyre rly the dating type......theyre just chill with being them. they just wanna swim and be funny

- hammond and andromeda are probs two of my least developed characters.....hammond still needs a redesign. he might be cute to pair with walter, theyre around the same age. andromeda tho i have no idea. she might be a nice pairing with eve? if i ever feel like pairing her with someone...who knows. eve is very carefree and might find andromeda’s energy too intense

- radish i wanna make more content for!! i rly like her a lot....i think shes another troll who isnt interested in dating. shes very focused on being a chef instead. loves her friends a lot!

- mack and pepper 2gether 4ever obvs......they have a relationship that gets richer with age for sure

- im just gonna ramble about mack. i thinkkkkkkk i wanna make her half latina? columbian specifically. she doesnt quite read as white and i didnt make her with the intention of making her white. anyway i love mack a whole lot and should really develop her backstory more. its not rly as like...””tragic”” or whatever as pepper’s i know that but she def has layers. i wanna give her whole family more depth. she has a very complicated relationship with her own feelings and motivations that i need to think about more fully. my powerful femme tho i lov her

- mack’s parents, robin and champagne, i need to like....think about them more. they have kinda a comedic relationship thats sorta inspired by roger rabbit and jessica rabbit. robin is a very caring, gentle troll who’s very smart and cares a lot about his nursing responsibilities in the village. champagne is very relaxed and the “voice of reason” character of the family. she loves a good party and has her party planning down to a science. both are very successful power parents. kickass family

- i already talked about topaz and marney in a separate post but i still love them both so much. big wesbiabs

- pepper....pebber. im gonna talk about her the most obviously gfhjdkrs i wanna talk about her mental health i feel like i think about it a lot but i never write about it explicitly? this is gonna be long oops hgjfksd she has depression and ptsd stemming from the trauma of her crash...im thinking she also has adhd and thats just something shes always had. her depression rly got heavy during her recovery and right after like...she hated being bed/housebound and felt rly powerless to her situation and just let it eat at her until her personality had actually changed considerably. like extroverted wild child rebel to introverted, soft-spoken sulker. this got better with time but she still is pretty introverted, just turned her moodiness into chill energy. 

- she has bad depression habits like letting dishes, old food, laundry, or just stuff pile up in her room until it gets overwhelming and she spends like two days just manically cleaning; or staying in bed for way longer than she should and messing with her hygiene; or eating way more or way less than she should eat in a day. just stuff thats hard to completely break out of when youre recovering. her color is pretty consistently the dark red but if shes having a particularly rough day she might look a little paler, or like a muddy brick color at her worst. thats kinda rare tho

- her ptsd is the thing she hates the most. for a while it made her feel very weak and she’d beat herself up over being traumatized by the crash which was obviously not helpful to her mental state but she was really all over the place during her bodily recovery. its part of the reason why she started working out, she wanted to reclaim some sort of feeling of strength and power that she felt she’d lost completely. she still gets really frustrated with this feeling of loss but she gets a lot of support from loved ones which has helped her not self-blame so much. her ptsd manifests mostly as nightmares/insomnia, chronic headaches/stomachaches, intrusive thoughts and sometimes flashbacks. the nightmares are what rly get to her, she really doesnt get a lot of good sleep and it can get to the point where she just doesnt want to sleep sometimes and she’ll stay awake until she crashes hard

- her scars used to be a big trigger for her ptsd, which is why she has her bangs covering the one on her face and wears long pants (her knee braces are too bulky for pants and would force her to wear shorts which would force her to expose her scars). she just. really really hates them. this is something she struggles with for a majority of her life

- once she and mack start going steady with their dating and start consistently sleeping in the same bed, pepper starts to sleep better. she still has nightmares that wake her up at least weekly, but having mack there to comfort her (whether she wakes mack up accidentally or if mack is already awake) helps a TON with getting her back to sleep soundly. it also just helps her sleep in general to have that comforting, loving presence in her bed snuggled up to her ;w; mack is a big help in general with pepper’s mental health, pushing pepper to make better, healthier choices and get out in the village more and have fun. mack for sure does not “”cure”” pepper of anything but shes a very positive light in pepper’s life that helps her pull thru tough times!

- i love all my goofy trolls so much. its so fun to just chill and blab about them to relax between working on big projects ;o; ty if u cared enough to read this whole thing ur so rad

[leonbastralle]

She’s Not Dead - A Giant Reply Post

Yes you read this correctly! I am currently alive (physically)! For now. Let’s hope it stays that way.

elvensimming replied to your post “i have a fever and my head plus neck feels like it’s breaking in half...”

Hugs <3

ohmypominit replied to your post “i have a fever and my head plus neck feels like it’s breaking in half...”

*sending a virtual hug* get better soon! ♥

plumbmeow replied to your post “i have a fever and my head plus neck feels like it’s breaking in half...”

i'm sorry, that really sucks D: i hope you get better soon!

melien replied to your post “i have a fever and my head plus neck feels like it’s breaking in half...”

GET BETTER SOON

lisassimscreations replied to your post “i have a fever and my head plus neck feels like it’s breaking in half...”

Auch wenn's spät kommt: Gute Besserung..! :)

monets-pumpkins replied to your post “i have a fever and my head plus neck feels like it’s breaking in half...”

D: sending my love ❤ if you need to talk I'm always here

Thank you all guys ;_; things just added up and that headache really was the worst I’ve ever had...I didn’t mean to be so negative but I couldn’t help it. As I said, I’m feeling a lot better today (no headache, no fever, just very weak) so I hope that’s permanent. About the other crap, I didn’t even mean to bring that up there’s not much to talk about I’m just very Done with real life people at this point. Anyway I appreciate you all taking the time to read that post and leave a comment! It means a lot ♥

(also Lisa you weren’t even late xD)

alfalfalegacy replied to your photoset

He's a good dad

he is The Best Dad because he comes after his own dads

melien replied to your photoset “Some miraculously good ice cream!”

it looks so realistic

ts4 ice cream is SO COOL and all the kinds and toppings and everything I love ;_; I haven’t even tried half at this point

melien replied to your photoset

I remember this pic and it's the best

it was the pic I chose for everyone who got spoilers because it was my fave xD for a short time only, today and tomorrow you’ll see why it didn’t stay that way!

melien replied to your photoset “T: This might not be the most awesome wedding ever, and you know how...”

Aww Trellis, you're the best at romantic talk ;___;

Trellis will disagree, but I’m happy you think so!

melien replied to your post “Annie of Green Cheeks says Hi”

I can't even tell something's wrong with you man

thanks XD no but rly it was only very slightly poofy at that point, just green. It’s still green now but other than that it’s fine.

alfalfalegacy replied to your photoset “C: OOOOoooOOOooooo~”

What a cutie!

simphonics replied to your photoset “C: OOOOoooOOOooooo~”

so precious ��

I LOVE this child.

simphonics replied to your photoset

Ahhhh so cute

Idk what this was about but since I’m currently posting Miracles I’m just going to agree because everything Miracles related is cute ;)

evanurisandruil replied to your post “Annie of Green Cheeks says Hi”

POOOOOOOOOOF

I’m no longer poofy will you still be my friend

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “T: So this is it. S: This is it. T: I like it. I have purpose. It’s...”

im crying can i adopt trellis as well she's stepping right into one of my fave traits i promise ill treat her and her husband well

sjhmbfjahbsfjahbvfjas STOP MAKING ME SO HAPPYYYYYYYYYYYY ;-; you can totally adopt all my sims we can have a mutual adoption thing (also theres more food for you next week at some point i think if you like this)

theladygrace replied to your photoset “Late night ice cream cravings.”

Same, I'm always hungry for ice cream

I feel like I’m not even that much of an ice cream person any more (I used to be) but it’s just so pretty in TS4 that I always have some around!

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “T: So, was it everything you dreamed of? S: And more. Trellis, I wish...”

shes right his hair is nice

ofc she is

simphonics replied to your post “Annie of Green Cheeks says Hi”

Man, I've got to act like I know how to right poetry for my next heir too. Halp

ohhh yay good luck! we can pretend we’re pros together because mine is also for next gen ;)

twinsimskeletons replied to your post “Annie of Green Cheeks says Hi”

your thing*

twinsimskeletons replied to your post “Annie of Green Cheeks says Hi”

I feel like there are no rules to poetry, just do you think and slap the word poem on it

I want it to be gooood thooooo xD

thatsimslove replied to your post “Pervs And Cuties And Things I Can’t Take Credit For - Replies”

I loved flameus but I'm super excited for the next gen too trellis is great and I'm excited to see that babe

well that’s a relief! Truth be told they will always have the most special place in my heart together with the gen 8 boys (smh impatient me) so I do understand. I just feel like it’ll be difficult to live up to my own high standards after this xD

twinsimskeletons replied to your photoset

plz be careful boy

fun fact he accidentally cut himself

elisabettasims replied to your post “Pervs And Cuties And Things I Can’t Take Credit For - Replies”

And because I didn't comment before about this. SAAAAAAAALIIIIIIIIM. He's my current Sim's grandpa (Rosemary).

SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALIIIIIIIIIMM seems to be great in every game but mine xD I hope nobody will be mad for my depiction of him!

pirouettingplumbobs replied to your post “Pervs And Cuties And Things I Can’t Take Credit For - Replies”

Hey now worries! I just wish his namesake really was a doughnut. We could all take a big bite out of him and spit it out in the trash.

I’d watch that!

pixeldemographics replied to your post “Pervs And Cuties And Things I Can’t Take Credit For - Replies”

damn i didnt even mention my appreciation for you yelling SAAALIIIIIIIIIIIIMM

its ok the meme was distracting

pixeldemographics replied to your post “Pervs And Cuties And Things I Can’t Take Credit For - Replies”

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA this was the best meme U DID JUSTICE

ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED IM SO PROUD OF MYSELF I AM A COOL FRIEND(TM) NOW

[silentbutmymindisloud]

ive never cared about a human being like this before. i mean i guess i did sorta w my ex but i dont know.. this is different. this one is almost like a mother with her child almost. if she hasnt eaten all day, ill yell at her and tell her to eat and then remind her the rest of the days to eat. i constantly ask her if she wants food or i bring her over some. also, because i have such deep empathy for her. when she’s rly sad i can get rly sad too. when i know shes crying, i might start to cry. to me, shes like a delicate flower. im not saying its fragile or weak. shes the opposite of that. shes one of the strongest people i know. shes gone through so so so much and so much hardship and pain yet shes still here and still happy and excited about life a lot of times. she inspires me. but she’s delicate because she has a lot of emotions and is sensitive, which is not a bad thing at all. she can get easily sad about the smallest things when it comes to other people and it’s touching if you really think about it because it shows how much compassion she has and how much she cares about others. but she also gets sad from stuff like her mom and that makes me really sad and kinda mad too because she deserves better than that. shes one of the most wonderful and kind and happiest person i know, yet shes sometimes given so much shit or bad shit happen to her and its not fair and i get can get so angry about that. i feel so protective of her. and sometimes she randomly gets sad for no reason and i just feel so much empathy for her. im 100% sure she doesnt know how much empathy i feel for her and that she doesn’t know i care for her THIS much. i know comparison isnt good to do but this is just what i believe: i think i care a lot for her more than she does for me. sometimes i think about that and almost get hurt about it but then i stop myself and think, hey, she cares about you a lot and thats what matters. be grateful. and be grateful shes even in your life and that you met her and that shes your best friend that you see almost everyday okay bitch goddamnit you dont get that many chances to stumble upon a girl like her okay gosh. but anyway.. i wish i could tell her all of this. i wish i could tell her other stuff too that i feel towards her like how im so happy that shes my best friend and that i have her in my life and how much i appreciate her and to thank her for listening to me when i open up to her and for being the only person irl i can really open up to and for having good deep convos with and for being someone i could talk important stuff with and how shes good for me and makes me a better person and that i love her but its so hard because its hard to be sappy with her because she doesnt like sappy and we dont have that type of relationship. i feel like because weve already established our relationship to be this way you know, the whole making sarcastic jokes about each other and bickering at each other kinda relationship. we indirectly state our love and care for each other by acts of services and quality time and our witty statements to each other rather than directly state it. it feels a little awkward when i do say something sappy to her or at least it seems like shes kinda awkward. and it sucks because i can be soo so sappy and i really wanna tell her all of the sappy shit but yeah... not only is it hard bc she doesnt like sappy but also bc i suck at being sappy irl even tho its so much easier thru text or written. so i just say it in my head a lot and try to find the courage to say some of the sappy stuff to her out loud but usually.. i dont. cant even the whole “i love you” irl jesus christ. but i know she knows i love her tho i know. but i just wanna say it out loud i dunno. i sometimes think ill probably write a letter to her saying all this one day and give it to her the day before she leaves to go someplace far away or something. which is still a wuss move but its better than nothing i guess. idk maybe one day

[obsxbjoo]

mundorkday heyo

Preferred name:  tbh I’ll respond to any noise you make in my general direction but Inc is totally fine as well !! 
Preferred pronouns:  any ?? any,, 
 Timezone:  MST (UTC -7 or smth) ey -yodels at the top of the Rocky Mountains-

Preferred writing style:
  

hahah is it news that I don’t have a preference ?? tbh I’m super cool with any format, para, sms, dialogue or otherwise !! I actually find it a mote easier to respond to styles that are naturally shorter but thats jus bc I feel like it’s less pressure and I don’t have to fiddle with words for nine billion years pFSFSFSSS but I love em all the same !! just,, might respond faster to shorter ones just because its easier for me haaa 

Preferred writing genre:  

boy I’d love to try anything at least twice hahah //shot exploring different themes is always a treat in my experience ?? wherever the inspiration takes us ! I just believe that putting a muse into different situations can showcase different sides that wouldn’t have otherwise come to light !! does the usually distant or socially awkward muse have a chivalrous streak ? is the quiet one actually good with comforting people ? does the tough one have a way with children ? does the small one LOVE CHEESY GARLIC BREAD CHIPS ?? it’s always a discovery and I think it’s pretty great pFFFS,,, explorinn find the new things I’ll admit tho I’m all for them crack and dank memes


Genres you’re less interested/would rather not partake in:  

as a minor I’m neither interested in nor willing to write smut or excessively sexual content :’> anything else is really fair game !! 


Any other writing preferences?  

ah I guess ?? I usually prefer small text but really it doesn’t matter either way hahaha anything else is pretty Aesthetic but also time consuming so I’m like ?? wow ?? amazing but also ahahah I’m so lazy so um yeah I’m pretty minimal on formatting,, 

Favorite color: 

right but listen here every color is beautiful in its own right like yeah some are drab some are neon some are pale and others aren’t and that is honestly incredible *DEEP BREATH* tl;dr how do you expect me to choose 


Favorite/lucky number: 

uuuhhhhh,,, well idk the number 9 or 1 / 11 appears a lot in my life I guess hahahaha


A song/show/drama you’d recommend: 

a friend of mine would like me to promote Scorpion (cbs) and I’ve seen the first two episodes and it’s pretty great so far ?? either way I’ve peeked into quite a few different corners of music/show/drama tho but at the sam time I know like nonE AHAH,,, tho for real you can get me into pretty much anything ?? I always find something to appreciate pffs


Fill in the blank: “You’re always free to message me about ___!”

yelling ?? idk man for real I’m a huge chatterbox and I always want to talk to people haha !! really feel free to start a conversation with me about like,, most anything tbH,, if it’s a topic I’m not familiar with you should 100000% tell me about it ?? I’d love it :00 ( also we can always just hold a conversation in just screeching I’m down for that also ) 


If you could choose a species in Obscura that you’d like to be, what would it be? Why? 

geeeee all the species r pretty cool ?? tho bein a vampire or a werewolf is to u gh so like I honestly don’t think I could pull it off hAHAHA,,, tbh a beast blooded would be mighty cool !! I’d totally want to be a dragon :‘DDDD


What is your ultimate weakness; what makes you feel all soft and squishy inside? 

um,,, tbh ships ?? and not even just the romantic kind like give me familial ships,, friendships, hateships, platonic ships ???? I’ll just m elt inside hahahaha wow I’m super lame.,, just some kids just having to deal with each other’s existence in their lives is honestly the best,,, angst also makes me cry and hurt forever but I love it 8") 


Write the first thing to come to mind in caps:  

tHATS NOT WHAT THE FROG COLOR IS


Three random facts about you: HAHAHAH whoops I absolutely,,, s UC K at these pFF ok um,, um lessee other than the fact that I’m lame

a pair of magpies were going to build a nest in this smol conifer right up against a window in our house and like ?? yo you could see the beginnings of the twigs getting threaded through there and I was like :000 !!! hype ?? wow they chose this place to be home and I was so ready 2 take pictures of ugly baby dinos I mean cute baby magpies since it’s like I could sit on the arm chair that’s up against the window and I could have full vantage of the lil nest ??? as I was saying, hype !! bUT THEN MY MOM TOOK OUT A FRUIT KNIFE THE ONE WE CUT WATERMELONS WITH AND SAWED OFF THE WHOLE BRANCH AND THREW IT TWIGS AND ALL INTO THE TRASH AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHG -sobs softly- im just sorry for the poor magpie pair,,, I’m sorry we wasted all your hard work,,, ( mom’s explanation: this is my house so I’m not going to let them build a home on my home I was here first !! ) tho like I don’t think the magpies moved out tbh I saw the other day they were perched on our tree so ???? I’m just sad I missed out on the great pictures sob it was like a fairy tale ( I tried to talk my mom out of it by saying about how a pair of magpies were considered auspicious n all and I’m disappointed it didn’t work ?? I made a pretty good argument I feel ;v )

right so like last week we had a few slices of raisin bread from T&T ( our local Asian food supplier in the form of a supermarket eyyy ) and I was like,,, wow ??? dude how great would raisin bread french toast be like wOW !!? I’ve never made french toast before and tbh we’re like rice everyday ™ and honestly the inside of our fridge has never seen cheese or cream or pasta ( ok look I know uncooked pasta doesn’t go in the fridge but I was making a point ) and certain other western-type foods are rare guests ( a tragedy rly because I love that stuff ) bUT ANYWAY !! I was thinking about french toast and going,,, woah,,, woah woAH ??? we might actually have all the ingredients ?? we always have eggs, and… oh, half and half…? aw… we don’t have that— oH but you can make it with milk and butter ??? gasp i actually think we have like 1 stick of frozen butter from waaaay back and I’m sure it’s saved there omg this’ll work. we don’t have nutmeg but… I distinctly remember getting vanilla extract and my mom says we have cinnamon ?? I didn’t even know we had cinnamon !! wow this is going to work imma make it for breakfast tomorrow it will be great !! so cue tomorrow, I wake up earlier to get it ready ( lmao since usually I wake up like 5 mins before transit comes and toss stuff into my backpack and leave ) and,,, and it turns out we I overestimated what we had in our fridge aHAHA,,, what I thought was a stick of butter was actually yeast and there was ?? no sugar ?? I could not find sugar,,, we didn’t have milk either and I was v disappointed in myself bUT !! I still made it using soy milk and brown sugar ( it was super hard I was chiseling it with a spoon ) but luckily I did manage to dig out the vanilla extract + the cinnamon was def there, as were the eggs and salt was around. of course, had to use vegetable oil instead of butter to grease the pan as I’d planned but !! it totally turns out great and was a p good success considering a first attempt hahaha,,, topped it with bananas, crumbled walnut and maple syrup and it was great :^)))))) 

ummmmmmmmmmmm wow those turned out long hAHAHA,, uh no other interesting stories are coming to mind right away but like ?? I guess one time when I was a kid we were in Toronto I think and I,,, rushed some pigeons ( like when u try to make people flinch right ?? yeah ) some pigeons that were in a courtyard and like,,, ok so there was a lady eating subway and she was a respectable business lady or smth bUT SO THE FLOCK OF PIGEONS ALL TOOK OFF AND SHE ( understandably ) SPOOKED AND DROPPED HER SUBWAY AND WALKED QUICKLY AWAY AND WOW I FELT SO BAD AAHHAAHAAAaaa,,, either way the pigeons descended on the subway and it was never seen again,,, I still feel rlllyyy bad abt it I’m so sorry for like ruining that woman’s day sobbbbb

ohey and we come full circle aHahah,, one story about birds, another story about food, and then a story about birds and food aahhaahaHAHAA,,, pretty accurate reflection of my life tbh,,, I’m all about birds and food

oH,, oh,, ‘nother story came to mind which involves a rly majestic nosebleed but uh hmmm let’s save that one PSHH

[pacman-tattoo]

All odd o:

iM GONNA PUT THIS UNDER A READMORE BC ITS LONG…

   1. What is you middle//full name?

i’m not gonna say my full name for privacy purposes, but my first + middle names are Tristen Mackenzie

   3. What is your birthday?

May 23rd!

   5. What is your favorite color?

aw man like… light pink? dark purple? cerulean blue??? all good.

   7. Do you have any pets?

yes!!!! i have a cat and her name is rose and i love her

   9. How tall are you?

5′3″-ish? i’m not exactly sure

   11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

uh… 3 i think? 5 counting both pairs of character shoes though!

   13. What talents do you have?

as a lot of ppl who follow this blog, i’m pretty good at writing! other than that, i like to think i’m pretty decent at singing and acting, and i draw a lot. other than that??? idk

   15. Favorite song?

i answered this but i’ll just add more: A Soft Place to Land from Waitress

also Teen Idle and Primadonna by Marina and the Diamonds!!

   17. Who would be your ideal partner?

alright so like my ideal partner is definitely someone who just loves me for who i am and doesn’t force me to change, y’know? someone supportive who’s kinda ready to take me as i am with all the baggage i have and still loves me in the end but doesn’t take any bullshit? like, they accept i have problems but won’t let said problems excuse my actions. someone who can help me improve on who i am, i guess?

also someone sweet and gentle and just understands, y’know??

idk i haven’t put much thought into a person past that, since i guess all i want is someone who actually gives a shit?

   19. Do you want a church wedding?

uh personally i don’t really care even tho it’d probably piss off my family i guess??? like, it could be or it couldn’t be and it probably wouldn’t make too much of a difference for me because imo it’s a wedding either way???? idk man

   21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

like, me being in the hospital? no. visiting people? yeah

   23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

uhhh i met a guy off of broadway once he was cool i think his name was andrew or matthew or something and he was in pippin and actually was charlemange the night we saw the show!! i wish i could remember his name because he gave me really good advice about basically sharpening what i wasn’t good at when it came to theatre

   25. What color socks are you wearing?

none

   27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?

like… i mean, i wouldn’t be against it? as long as it’s for something i’m proud of, i guess???

   29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

nnnope

   31. What position do you usually sleep in?

i usually lie on my stomach when i sleep!!! idk why it’s been kind of a recent thing??? like i use to sleep on my left side for years and over the last year or two i’ve started sleeping on my stomach for whatever reason

   33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

i usually don’t wake up early enough to actually eat breakfast but i like to make scrambled eggs and toast!! because effort

   35. Have you ever tried archery?

no but i want to :’O

   37. Favorite swear word?

eh, probably just ‘fuck’ because i’m not creative

   39. Do you have any scars?

i have a reaaaaaaally faint scar going up my leg from when i did something stupid and was scratched by a wire!!!

   41. Are you a good liar?

depends on the lie and who i’m telling said lie to, honestly.

   43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

uh i can kinda do a russian accent like Stereotypical Russian and i can do a southern accent (which works because i’m from the south but i have no accent i swear), and i can do a kinda posh accent??? idk man i should sit around and just attempt accents one day.

i’m good at mimicking mercy from overwatch sometimes tho but only when i’m playing her because it’s more of me just sitting there echoing whatever she says i guess

   45. What is your favorite accent?

idk my russian accent is at least fun to sit around and say shit in

also just??? idk what you would call it other than Stuck Up White Girl but that’s also kinda fun because i literally will sit around and say stupid shit

   47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

that’s honestly a good question and i couldn’t tell you because i barely remember anything like lemme check amazon because i have this dress??? that was probably expensive

it actually wasn’t too expensive it was only 35-ish dollars??? idk then i tend to not buy expensive clothes

   49. Are you an innie or an outie?

innie

   51. Are you scared of spiders?

hhholy fck yeah i nearly panicked yesterday when there was a spider in my car like i was almost gone but my brother got it

   53. Favorite foreign food?

honestly that’s hard but i??? fukn???? love??? chicken enchiladas????

also does fondue count bc it’s from switzerland and i love fondue like cheese??? good. chocolate??? heaven.

   55. Most used phrased?

probably like “idk man” because i just Don’t Know

   57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

depends!!! sometimes it can be around 30-40, sometimes an hour, sometimes i’ll be ready in 10 minutes i don’t do makeup and throw on something decent

   59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

i tend to mostly suck???? that doesn’t sound sexual i swear why does everything have to sound sexual jfc

   61. Do you sing to yourself?

i think we all know the answer to this one. it’s a definite yes and anyone who thinks otherwise doesn’t know me tbh

   63. Biggest Fear?

dying young, i guess? it’s something that kinda haunts me still and idk of anything that’d be a bigger fear than that for me rn

   65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

idk i rarely watch movies????

   67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

i mean i’d probably leave a few out but i can

i took a thing and i got like, 35-36 out of the 50 so that’s good i guess

   69. Extrovert or Introvert?

def an introvert

   71. What makes you nervous?

what doesn’t make me nervous tho

uh i guess just??? driving in silence makes me nervous

honestly any silence makes me nervous because i need at least some sort of constant noise??? tests are hell, man.

   73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

depends on the mistake??? i tend to but if it’s just something really minor i won’t bother the person.

   75. Have you ever started a rumor?

nah i dont think so. if i have then??? whoops. i know a guy who started (or at least tried to?) rumors about himself tho it was weird

   77. Have you ever drank underage?

not rly??? i’ve had sips of stuff but that was usually with my parents and it wasn’t enough to make me feel anything. altho next time my friend and i hang out without her parents there i might drink a little, just to be able to say ‘i did the thing’ since i kinda wanna do teenage shit while i still can i guess?????

   79. Who was your first real crush?

guy i knew/know (we’re kinda friends??? like we talk but we don’t make extra effort to do so imo???) named jacob!!! he let me down gently because he was also the first person i confessed to, and altho i kinda regret it, i still had that rejection so at least i don’t have to deal with that shit with someone else being “that first rejection” or w/e

   81. Can you roll your Rs?

aaaa sadly no i wish i could tho!!!

   83. How fast can you run?

i don’t think i’m fast but i think i’m fast enough

   85. What color is your eyes?

blue!

   87. Do you keep a journal?

i kinda used to??? i stopped writing in it for a while…   89. Do you like your age?

ehh kinda??? like…? i’m still technically a “““teenager”““ (even tho i technically count until i’m 20 but legally i’m an adult at 18) but it kinda sucks because being 17 is lowkey kinda stressful because woah ur a senior in high school time for u to be forced into thinking you need to choose a good college that will get u a degree for a job you’ll always be in for the rest of ur life and just the fact i’m kinda inexperienced in shit??? i just wanna be smooched before i turn 18 man

   91. Do you like your own name?

i mean??? i don’t like ‘tristen’ but i do like ‘tris’! which is why i go by it online and i try to get ppl to call me it. there was someone i know who was like “no one even calls you that” when i said something about being called “tris” to someone and i’m like… that’s because i never said anything about it before…??? no one calls me tris because i never really went by it before….???

but anyway “tristen” is fine but i will always prefer to be called “tris”

   93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

i’m gonna say i’d love to have a girl but honestly? i don’t really care? if i have a child or if i have children, i just want them to be happy and healthy and feel they can trust me with anything - or at least almost anything, since i never really had that person growing up.

   95. What are your weaknesses?

uh i’m not the strongest person when it comes to physical activities but that’s also because i’m a dumb egg who sucks when it comes to shit like dancing because i kinda throw myself down a hole when other ppl get things and i don’t and i get really self deprecating over shit

also self deprecation by itself is a pretty big weakness.

other than that, i’m kinda messy?? like my room itself is a mess and there’s clothes on the floor and i really just need to take a day and clean up

   97. Were your ancestors royalty?

not that i know of

   99. Color of your bedspread?

uh its too hot for one rn but i have a white one that my grandma bought for me and i use it when its cold af outside

i want this galaxy one that i found tho….

(I SPENT AN HOUR ANSWERING THIS BUT IT WAS FUN OMG…)

[chikotos]

speaking of That my mom is finally recognizing that when I say “i dont feel good” it doesnt mean i have a cold or sth its that Uh, im probably experiencing suicidal thoughts and cant express it well (or at least smth along those lines) and my house has been dirty cuz i havent cleaned in a while or i cant keep it clean and she n my sister cleaned an area and i repeatedly told her not to bc shes always using my sister to do things im not adequate enough to do on time and its rlly not fair to her even if she doesnt realize it cuz like shes only 12 & we dont ever even talk so she shouldnt have to take care of someone 5 years older than her.. and i was gonna clean but I basically slept all day so i could just clean alone at night when I feel safe to walk around the house . i wasnt even tired idk why i slept but now im eerily awake and maybe will be umless i force myself to sleep

its so lonely here and thats only hit me like this year cuz all the time before I would go through periods of hanging out after school maybe.. twice a year? and only hanging out with one person whod have many friends but theyd b my only friend which is a problem i tend to have. but it jst got to the point where im realizing, i think cuz i was in my schools drama program n exposed to lots of friendships, that im jst like ,really fucking lonely. Which is unfortunate because ive always been such an internal person at home and have been able to work creatively but thats all like leaving me? art doesnt make me happy anymore because i dislike my art so much and havent had a platform to share it in so long and i guess I thrive on other ppls opinions of it? and I definitely cant write anymore. I havent been able to zone in on an interest in MONTHS and thats left me creatively drained, a lot. 

I think im starting to rlly, RLLY redirect my complete attention from interests to ppl (which always ends well am i right lads) and it isnt fair to ppl who like, have others and need space and time etc or Uh, dont even know me. but its like a switch like , I can either be creative or i can feel loved and Boy Howdy, do i need both,

its just weird cuz im the only one in my family thats emoitonal like this and I think thats why i feel so isolated. like im not exxagerating when I say my dad has 0 friends tht arent family. my mom has work friends she will hang out with maybe 4 times a year not for work, but shes always complaining abt social situations which I can understand. maybe my siblings r like that too but my sisters young n focuses on minecraft n stuff n hangs out w friends more than me n we barely know each other so its not like id know, maybe my half brother is but whens the last time hes wanted to talk to me right. like i cry all the time and all it does is make my dad angry at memfor being incompetent and make my mom think its her fault and my sister confused and jst takes up everyones time

and its jst all v strange. like i was kinda raised 2 not have friends, inadvertantly i guess. i can remember my mom trying to make me feel better about something along the lines of u can b okay w/out friends if u have family but she jst told me friends dont matter and im never gonna talk to ppl i meet at my age as an adult, so it stuck w/ me and i started to make moral judgements on ppl on small things we could talk out like say, they use homophobic language sometimes but im sure theyd respect me enough to stop, but id make those judgements before we could befriend each other n take a chance, kinda to protect myself from attachments? but later in life ive found ppl who dont do stuff like that, and thats when i focus in on them im an unfair way to them and they r the only person/group of ppl in my life, etc etc and idk how to stop because im so scared of hanging out w/ most ppl alone i guess? but ill still be here, thinking about like example (namedrop bc he doesnt have me tumblr anyways) my friend jacob tht never hung out w/ me outside of school but i fuccin loved that kid n he just stopped talking to me over the summer n ignored my text i send first day of summer and now we see each other and talk briefly but its like he wont let us be friends anymore and smth like this always happens and its So

and tbh how can i expect it to not happen when i limit myself so much n they will have plenty of other close close friends when i dont? and i think ive gotten better but idk anymore. 

and uh, unrelated. I think my dog ive had for 12 years may have to end up being put down this year. hes got cataracts in both eyes and skin diseases and back problems and teeth problems (hes inbred) and hes losing his hearing too and for the past two weeks hes been peeing everywhere and we can let him out but he cant climb stairs anymore n he has to walk them to get to our yard and im the only one w/ the patience to pick him up (hes only 8 pounds) n put him in the yard bc my parents will jst scream at him n my sister doesnt like dogs and hes got seperation issues w me and whines when he cant be in my room which is the farthest from the door out n stuff. and its like rlly stressful my mom will scream at him in front of my sister n brother n me and the other day she said my dad grabbed him by the neck and threw him out on the concrete cuz he peed inside and hes so tiny that thats just gonna make everyting worse and its notmlike i can stop them bc why would anyone listen to me and hed prob b fine for s few more years if he lived in a patient house with ppl who would take him to the vet but theyre prob gonna put him down early snd its gonna b so weird w/out him

when i showered earlier i took s razor with me w/ the intent to cut my thighs, and i did a little, but i never ever draw blood wnd its strange. why am i given these urges when im so fucking terrified of blood. itll still leave marks n stuff but it makes me feel weak ? n ill bruise myself up instead but its never the same. and im such an advocate for help w self harm but i cant for myself. its like i subconsciously want 2 get caught ? idk. i did throw my razor away though and the others i have r rusty and im not THAT much of a dumbass so i dont have options to self harm anymore unless i get new ones. lifehack

and uh lol, having no schedule n it being summer my eating habits r SHIT. it always hurts to eat p much, its at different times n most of the time i just snck only or i dont eat for hours n see black spots n stuff. and when i dont eat its not a body image thing (im nt rlly happy w my nody but its not sth not eating will help with) its cuz i dknt wanna go upstairs for food where my dad is n the snacks r downstairs so its easier, or cuz i forget or cuz i like, want to punish myself? but im too lazy to self harm. its weird

n since ive stopped id’ing as ace officially my internalized lesbophobia has gotten so much worse . im so repressed and lost ans sad, nothinng rly makes sense? I either fall in love w/ anyone who flirts with me or i focus on someone who ill never fucking talk to or see again and imagine countless scenarios n set myself up to b sad. i seek validation from ppl on it but nothhing comes out right or i just cant say it, because other than when i make myself the butt of gay jokes i just cant sven get the words out of my throat that im gay cuz im jst so ashamed and disgusted with myself. ive been looking at pictures of guys lately cuz ive been trying to force myself to like them. back when i thought i was pan it always felt safer bc i could always just love a cis guy or whatever and everything would b okay for my family ykno. and its such a shameful thing for me bc my irl friends who im out to, most see me as v confident abt it at least a little bc im loud abt it u kno, and make all sorts of jokes, and i jst know so many would b surprised or like sad abt that

i want to stop liking girls so much. like holy shit. i have so many straight girl friends and i hate it when they flirt with me because lik, none r my type so i feel nothing but then i feel like i shiuld then feel like No i shouldnt then feel like i shouldnt even be around them bc im a gross disgusting creepo dyke predator. n they always use the excuse of me having a gf so its fine id never hit on them well like, now im single so i have to be DOUBLE careful not to b affectionate w them as im w all my friends and itsssssssssssssmjshfjhdjfhsjdhjshdjshdjhsjdhsjhdjshdk

and i like, think abt this girl alot n yea its romantic even thomwe never fucking talked n rlly i do that w lots of girls and its making me lose out on friendships bc i wanna b their friends somehow bc i think theyre very cool n stuff but i cant stop hodling on to stupid daydreams n idealizations i get to distract me when im sad n its jst stupid like i know its dumb but guess whos boutta keeeeeeppppp doin it??!!!!! boy!!!

and i try so damn hard to talk feeling out, n talk abt who im attracted to n stuff w ppl, n i try so hard to gush but i cant cuz smth comes outta my mouth and then i cant speak past that and no one ends up rlly knowing how i feel, bc ANY time i talk abt anytingngay related abt me its what happens. and i listen to others talking abt tht stuff and i jsut get so god damn JEALOUS bc idk how to express myself 

all these inadequacies n shit is making it rlly hard to see how,im gonna b on my own n its always been like this. at TWELVE YEARS OLD i came to fhe fucking conclusion that i was just gonna kill myself when i turned 18 so i didnt have to deal with all this and i was OKAY WITH IT and i just went through life knowing that and hiding it and so rarely questioning my inevitable suicide as a childc so instead of dealing with all that n my problems n getting better i let myself get worse cuz uh, fuck it right

idk its all just occured to me how im not a fully functioning human being, in seberal if not all aspects of my life, its weird. now that I actively want to live and realize i uh Kinda have to simce ill b the legal guardian of my brother its all very scary

sorr i was all over the place and all the typos i didnt mean anyof them n im not crytyping like, i cried a bit but i jst hate typing kn thsi shitty tablet keyboard, n dont wanna spellcheck. if u read through comgratulations also please dont message me abt like the self harm junk n my dog n stuff like, whatever ur abt to say. I Know my guy 

time to go uhhhhhhhhhhh daydream about impossible gay shit with guilt in the back of my mind

[velteris]

I've been following you for a really long time and this is the first time I've ever wanted to ask you a question. But why would you go camping alone without any light? That's just a really dumb thing to do...

(in ref to my tags here im pretty sure)

gather round, dear followers, for a series of anecdotes from Hell Camp, the source of my best and worst stories

when i was twelve my school sent all its year nine students class by class to a five-week camp, which will henceforth be called Hell Camp. here is the setup:

a four-hour drive out of the city into the outback, where there is a farm owned by the school for the express purpose of hosting Hell Camp

28 girls and 28 boys, each in their own dorm houses

no phones. no computers, no ipods, no TV. no internet (within our reach). we cooked our own food on fire stoves and wrote letters by hand to our parents and friends

no lollies, no soft drinks or juice, all our eggs and milk came off the farm

wake up at 5:30am every day to go for a 3km run and then chores on the farm, from milking the cows to chopping our firewood

Bible study every night because this was a Christian private school

“why???” u may ask. “why did your school subject tweens to a month of this???” supposedly to build character and teach u life skills but tbh idk how knowing how to crack a bullwhip is supposed to help me in life

but it wasnt just five weeks straight of same ol farm life there were other activities they had us do!! camp-like activities!! for example:

Pre-Survival

three days to prepare us because we were innocent younglings who barely knew how to start a fire

basically a campsite in the middle of fuckass nowhere? we rode horses there while the counselors (the Hell Camp resident teachers, but ones that deadlift 50kgs and kill spiders without batting an eye) drove with our bags and stuff and laughed as we got inevitably lost

have u ever used a dunny u have to empty urself

it is so gross. there is a field marked out explicitly for burying everyone’s shit, and u have to take turns. so gross. 

there was a shower which was a metal shed with a bucket of water hung up, which u heated over the fire before u went in and prayed it wasn’t too hot

this was like winter time and we slept in swags on the ground and when we woke up there was frost on our swags

i made an iron horseshoe??? the temptation to touch red hot metal is ridiculous tbh it looks so pretty

someone did touch theirs. it was not me. i heard them yell from across the field where i was helping feed horses.

in the middle of the second night the counselors took us to a giant rock in the middle of the bush where u could see the stars and it was amazing you could see the milky way and everything… but the thing was we had to spend the previous 20 minutes in the dark to get our eyes used to it so they had us hold onto each other’s sleeves and walk blindly into this rugged, rock-covered trail through pitch blackness, praying no one in front is going the wrong way

and then. the counselors played a trick on us by getting one of the kids to stay back in the forest and waited to see how long we’d notice. we didn’t notice until it was time to go back im so sorry Kimmy

Survival

ok this the real shit you went with the same group you were with in pre-survival and the counselors drove you out into the depths of the outback and dropped you and your group off with some tools, food, and tarpauline

and then u just lived out there for three days.

we couldn’t start a fire our first night because it’d been raining before??? our dinner was supposed to be rice, potatoes and carrots, and the carrots were the only edible thing bc u cant eat raw rice and raw potatoes.. u just cant.

there were wild dogs around. we never saw them, but we heard them awoo-ing a lot. so whenever someone split off from the main camp to go pee like two other girls would accompany them as an honor guard, singing Kumbaya to keep the hounds away

sometimes people would go alone and then there would be a Sound in the bush and then you’d just hear them screaming “MAMA’S MAKING KAN TONG”

on our last day the counselors set up targets with drawings of kangaroos on them, handed us a bow and 20 arrows, and said “if u can shoot the kangaroo we’ll give u sausages for your last meal”

never in my life will i ever see such ferocity from 12- to 13-year-old hungry girls again

when it was another group’s turn to be on survival, my group was on normal farm duty, and we were out clearing bush scrub when we heard the survival group girls talking and we realised we’d gotten too close.

“hello?? hello??? is anyone out there?” “oh my god someone’s out there oh my god we’re gonna die” “COME OUT, WE HAVE WEAPONS”

THIS WAS A LIE. WE KNEW DAMN WELL THEY HAD THE SAME THINGS AS US AND THOSE THINGS WERE TWO SHOVELS AND A HEAVY DUTY CLIPPER.

and our fucking counselor just went “shhh!!” to us and herded us back like he just straight up left those nine girls thinking there were bush serial killers out for them

also apparently a tree fell on someone’s head at some point in their survival

at night we slept in a row like snuggling each other cause it was So Fracking Cold and lemme tell u it’s an experience being spooned by the girl who used to sigh whenever you raised your hand in class

Four Day Hike

what it says on the label

55km in four days, carrying all your food, sleeping bags, tents, clothes, toilet paper etc. and minimum 2L of water bottles you could refill at big barrels set out at designated stop points

this is, without a doubt, the single worst experience of my life

nothing good happens when u hand a group of kids a map and a compass and tell them “we’ll look for you if you’re not at the campsite by sundown but apart from that you’re on your own”

i was with an athletic group of kids?? they were Walking So Fast and i was just staggering along with my unfit friend like this is how i die on a godforsaken hill on our way to god knows where

actually i had an asthma attack and they left me behind for a bit fun times

the hike went through some willing farmers’ land and one boy who stupidly climbed a fence got chased by a bull

they sent us off group by group so we’d all make our own way, so whenever u bumped into another group you were like. okay one of us was going the wrong way and it better fucking well be you

there weren’t any showers or anything so we basically all wore the same clothes for four disgustingly sweaty days of hiking

someone used an anthill as a toilet bc it had a nice big hole to drop ur toilet paper down

the ants did not appreciate this

when you run out of toilet paper and it’s only 11am

Solo

this was it. the culmination of the camp. the ultimate character building experience.

which was just 24 hours of alternating boredom and sudden visceral terror now that i think about it

u got dropped off (again in the middle of nowhere see a theme yet) with tarp, a lil trowel, and a clipper, and u just set up camp and did whatever u wanted for 24 hours

they let u bring a bible.

i got really into Leviticus and Deutoronomy before it went dark

listen it was really really boring ok

AND HERE IT IS THE BIT WHERE I DIDN’T HAVE LIGHT WHILE CAMPING ALONE

listen when the sun goes down at 5pm, u go down too. there’s nothing else u can do?? u just gotta sleep???

or, like me, lie awake in mortal terror listening to the bush Come Alive

when the wallaby goes THUMP-THUMP-THUMP and you’re like holy shit this is it the abominable loch ness chupycabra has manifested in the australian outback and it’s going to eat me alive jesus christ protect me with the power of this bible

hence the sheer relief when the sun finally comes out and u can walk around without living in fear of accidentally walking face first into a spiderweb or scratchy lantana bushes

also a mini survey went around afterwards and i’m pretty sure a solid 60% of the girls took a shit on solo like… at long last u can take as long in the toilet as u want… without the other 27 girls banging on the door……

other miscellaneous stories that dont fit anywhere else:

one of the boys went missing?? he wandered off and couldn’t remember anything when they found him in the middle of the bush. cryptic

there was this one homesick girl who was REALLY homesick like she cried every day of the five weeks. by the end of the camp she’d approached everyone to talk about her Feelings and you’d just kind of groan softly when u saw her coming towards your bunk bc u knew u were in for a hopeless comforting session

on sundays sometimes we went to the nearby town’s elderly home to talk to the old folks and some of us could play music so we did little performances for them which was rly sweet!

there were lambs on the farm!! we named them Uggboot and i think Fleece Jacket or smth like that

there were cows too!! meat cows!! they were Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner

my first time on cow milking duty i tried to herd the bull towards the milking pens bc i did not realise he was not a cow. i quickly realised when he took very fast steps towards me and i Got The Dodge Out Of There

we spit roasted an entire pig for the final feast before we left and i will never forget it. the first time in my life i had crackling. half the group was weak in the knees cause we saw the pig get slaughtered and the other half was just “sweet, more for me”

whenever the new fruit delivery came in and the hunger games commenced in the kitchen… tween girls are actually ravenous wolves u heard it here first folks

when u going to the bathroom in the bush and u feel something touch your butt… is it a stray hair? is it a piece of grass? is it a bug??? who knows but nothing makes your bowels loosen faster

the unholy horror of finding spiders wherever you least expect it

ANTS IN THE SUGAR

“I saw Goody Proctor with the devil leaving the cupboard open for the ants!!!”

honestly so many things happened at Hell Camp that i can’t remember most of them anymore and it Rankles Me bc i know there were so many wild stories but here you go. some of the wildest ones.

11/10 went back to Hell Camp voluntarily once, would go back again again.

[uniformbravo]

ok here are some of my Actual s2 thoughts (voltron spoilers below)

so back when i first watched s1 i guess i wasn’t totally 100% into it?? i dont remember if i ever really talked abt it on here but i remember being a little confused and trying to figure out why it was so popular bc i honestly didn’t think it was that great but idk i must’ve warmed up to it at some point between then and now bc i was way more into it this time around aaaaa

i rly did like s2 better than s1 tho??? idk maybe it’s just bc it’s new so it’s the hype of new content & everything but dang overall i do feel like i enjoyed it more

i rly like the art style and especially the animation style like this is probably just me coming to this show straight from lolirock but like... while lolirock has a really appealing art style im honestly not a fan of the type of animation they use so it felt really nice to come back to like. hand-drawn stuff idk just! voltron is a v visually appealing show in all aspects god bless

everyone is still super trans wow i can’t believe every character is trans

tbh i love shiro? but it’s weird bc i actually think he’s rly boring when it comes to his “leadership” kind of characteristics but like also he suffers a lot and gets a lot of the plot-heavy development and normally i might be annoyed by that but im just...... so weak

also speakin of shiro there was a lot of shiro/keith this season and like..... ok im gonna be honest i dont rly ship them or anything like at all im not too keen on the two of them that way but this person i follow has this au where they’re brothers and imagining them that way made me enjoy their scenes like 100% more so like Good Shit (but tbh keith saying “you’re like a brother to me” or was it maybe “father” i can’t remember but either way that line killed me pls i want them to have a rly strong platonic bond i want shiro to feel rly protective of keith and i want keith to feel safer around shiro aaaaa i love it so much)

pidge starting to adopt altean terms and phrases fucking killed me dude like with the time vocabulary n shit, even the others started picking it up a little bit it’s So Fucking Good im so happy aaaaaAA

i still love keith and lance i hope they never calm down w/ each other and keep fighting forever bye (like rewatching s1 when lance is like “yOU AGAIN” and keith is like “who are u” hfhdgd gOD that was so GOOD)

a lot of the character development was rly good but tbh im a little disappointed by the lack thereof when it came to lance and hunk like ?? at this point they’re still treated like the Joke Characters for the most part, i mean lance did have his one little moment of glory in that one episode but i would really love to see like. an actual full character arc w/ him. and i know hunk did have some stuff in s1 w/ like the balmerans & shae but this season it felt like he was just kinda pushed aside and i mean the same could be said of pidge, who did have a lot of story in s1 but barely anything in s2, so maybe i’m just being a little impatient lol i mean. if u take a step back and lay it all out, s1 focused on shiro, pidge, allura, and a little bit of hunk, and then s2 focused on shiro and keith, so maybe s3 (idk if it’s even confirmed yet but like hypothetically) will focus on lance and hunk more? and probably shiro again tbh  i mean it doesn’t really feel like anything’s been set up to go into a lance or hunk arc, but at the same time there wasn’t really any setup for keith’s whole s2 thing in s1 either, so there’s still the possibility that it could all happen in s3 but like. with the way s2 went and the unanswered questions it left about keith i can see s3 being very keith-centric, not to mention all the reminders we got about pidge’s whole family issue this season, so s3 will probably focus on that a lot too idk i mean at the end of the day they are pretty short seasons, it makes sense that they can only focus on a select few characters at a time, so i feel like at this point it makes sense to just sit back and wait to see what happens, & then if hunk and lance are still kind of shoved aside w/ nary even a mere setup then wtf actually

not to keep running w/ the negativity & criticisms but honestly what i really love in a show is complex characters written realistically and w/ voltron i feel like it /almost/ delivers but not really? like, not to bring up lolirock again but that show has fairly one-dimensional characters who are written relying more on their character type than anything with a ton of depth; the protagonists are Good and the antagonists are Evil; auriana is the goofball, talia is the responsible one, iris is the main character or the “pure good” one, mephisto is the clumsy villain, praxina is the irritable villain- like it’s all just very straightforward (most of the time). i feel like voltron is a little more complex with its characters than lolirock, but in the end it still kind of sticks to the same method of characterization; it’s definitely not as cookie-cutter, but each character does have one or two characteristics that blatantly stick out and make them.... i dont know, really predictable? like you Know that every time a girl shows up lance is gonna hit on her, and every time there’s some cool technology pidge is gonna fawn over it and every time there’s food hunk is gonna say some shit about being hungry, and keith and lance argue a lot and shiro gets the team’s shit together because he’s the Leader and it’s just like basically, with voltron it feels very “telling” rather than “showing” with most things, and besides manifesting in the story it shows in the way the characters are written, too. in most situations, the characters’ reactions are written based more on those few main characteristics they’ve been given than more realistic reactions to their current situation, and maybe that’s a little confusing but i’ll try to clarify actually im sorry but i just completely lost my train of thought and i can’t get it back, it’s currently coming up on 1am and im incredibly tired right now so i’m gonna have to cut this short but like. basically, the characters in voltron kind of have their main characteristics and it’s fine to have things like that bc it helps define characters but the way the writers use them feels a lot like those hogwarts house sorting quizzes that are like “what’s your favorite animal? a) lion b) snake c) raven d) badger” like it tends to be relatively straightforward and predictable in a bad way, and a lot of that execution has to do with the storytelling style the show has overall

ok ANYWAY let’s say something more positive now: the soundtrack to this show is absolutely phenomenal tbh i remember thinking this last time too, just the general sound it has, it feels like an homage to the older series and acts as a subtle way to bring that kind of aesthetic into it and i rly like it (i mean i’ve never seen the old show so idk what kind of aesthetic it has but u know what i mean. the kind of “old video tape sound” kind of thing. u know the game oxenfree, which has a similar music aesthetic. god idk how to explain this i hope u know what i’m trying to say. i rly like voltron’s soundtrack)

like i didnt mean to go on this big rant all “here’s everything i didn’t like abt voltron what a Bad Show” bc i actually really like it a lot!! the fact that im picking it apart like this is actually a good sign that i like it bc if i dont care abt something i won’t put in the effort, u know? if i don’t like it then i won’t be all “here’s what i hope to see from this show in the future” right

anyway it’s fuckin 1am bye, i love voltron goodnight