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mygnolia · 10 days

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LOVE ON A FRESH SLATE ༄ TEASER

༄ SYNOPSIS -› Sim Jaeyun might not have many critically acclaimed films in his IMBD, but if there’s something to change that, it’s his upcoming film, ‘diving in love,’ a fresh summer romance that’s caught the attention of everyone on the internet. The only problem is, no one believes the chemistry will be up to rom-com standards. Maybe he’ll save his career by fake dating his cold-hearted co-star, aka you, to sell it?

༄ PAIR -› actor!sim jaeyun x fem actress!reader

༄ GENRE -› fluff, banter, angst, comfort ༄ TROPES -› enemies to lovers, heavy on the fake dating (i LOVE fake dating) ༄ WC -› estimated 15-20k idk lolz

༄ INCLUDES -› will be added!

༄ RELEASE DATE -› november!

༄ REN SAYS... me when summer also haha get it slate cuz they're actors but also it's e2l so misunderstandings heheheh am i funny (im not) | LIBRARY

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“You’re going to tell me you signed me up for the cult of Scientology, I assume,” You introduce yourself, shaking hands with the man next to Sunoo.

Once again, there is just one empty seat before Jake Sim walks in, out of breath. “Jungwon, please don’t tell me–” He notices you after he barges in, taking in your poised manner as you wait for him to continue. But he doesn’t. The words die on his tongue when he sees you and the same manager from last week's meeting.

“Please don’t tell me what?” Jungwon asks, raising an eyebrow as Jake sinks into the only chair left. The latter shakes his head, not wanting to elaborate any further.

Sunoo sits up, putting his hands together after he finishes the last sip of his drink. “Open up the files, ____.” He motions to the manila folder on the table, and with much confusion, you peel back the cover to find a neat stack of black and white articles.

Jungwon, who you can only assume is Jake’s manager, gets Jake to lean in and read what’s on the pages. “This,” he starts, spreading out the rest of the articles, “is every article in the past week with a negative outlook on whether or not the film will be up to par with the standards of the 2000’s.”

You scoff, eyes trailing over an article with your face as the cover. “Really? People hate me that much?” Your dry humor really only resonates with Sunoo, who sends you a look before trying to organize the flurry of papers.

“I doubt they’ll keep going,” Jake tries, fidgeting with his ring. Maybe his second rich person problem was figuring out how to get the media to like him again if the movie turns into a failure and he has to scour for another source of income.

“Unless I solve world hunger, I doubt the media will turn away from the wine scandal any time soon.” Jake considers dropping out and cutting his losses early with the way you comment on your impending future.

Jake’s manager shakes his head, closing the manila folder and essentially blocking it out before coming up with the worst possible plan in existence.

“You two can fake date. Then, no one will question your chemistry, because they’ll think you’re in love.”

There were only so many things you refused to do in your lifetime, but fake dating your co-star made it to the top of your list in record time.

You shook your head. “Absolutely not.” At least Jake could agree with one thing you said.

The silence almost turns awkward before Sunoo speaks up in agreement, ignoring you. “I like it, it’ll give them a chance to pretend to bond more. Plus, they’re both young and attractive, and Jake is a change of pace from all of her shitty ex-boyfriends.” If Jake still wanted to jump off a building after hearing their proposition, you’d unknowingly want to join him.

You cough in your arm, hiding the embarrassment of his last comment before nodding to look at the actor. “You think just because I’m dating someone, it’ll make the movie more watchable?”

Sunoo rolls his eyes. “I’d much rather watch a rom-com if it was confirmed that the actors found love on set. It’s a good story.”

Jungwon interjects. “Good publicity.”

The actor beside you finally speaks up. “And you want to start this arrangement…when?”

“As soon as possible,” your manager answers, and his response might be some of the worst news you’ve heard in a while. “Hear me out, ‘____ ____ and Jake Sim falling in love the moment they’re casted. It’s fate. They’ve been in love since the beginning. I have to see it, their chemistry will be so good.’ ”

Before you nor Jake are able to come up with a rebuttal, Jungwon adds, “I know both of you can act, and even despite this fake relationship, the movie will be good. But if you can get away from the negative thoughts surrounding the film’s pre-release, it’ll generate so much more hype around it.”

“Better for your conscience, ____. You don’t need angry Sunghoon fans sending you anymore death threats.” If Sunoo kept airing out your problems like that, you’d drag him out by the ear without any fake boyfriend in tow.

You really think about it, questioning if one PR stunt could get you out of the nepo baby ditch you’ve been trying to fight for years; it wasn’t even that you were bad at your job, your mother just never had anything nice to say to anyone. If anything, she was Hollywood’s actual mean girl.

“Fine.” You agree begrudgingly.

Jake on the other hand has no idea what he’s getting out of this. How does fake-dating a girl he’s never liked help his reputation at all?

Maybe it’s because he couldn’t find an answer to it, or maybe Jake was comfortable enough asking something so brash in public. “What the hell do I get out of it?”

You lean back in surprise, not used to hearing him so flustered by something. It was all your fault, Jake thinks as he once again pulls at his hair.

The room is silent as everyone’s gears turn. Jake puts his hands on both sides of the armchair, about to get up and pretend this failure of a ruse ever existed. “If there’s nothing, I’m-”

“Wait,” you cut him off, eyes still fixed on something as you think. It’s good for you, and mainly you. Jake has a good reputation, people love natural chemistry and love a cute couple even more, and your name would be in summer-y titles for the next two months if your scheme worked out. But him?

What could Jake Sim possibly want?

“You want money? Connections? An interview with Justin Beiber?” You try, spewing what every boy would want when they were 13.

Somehow, his head perks up when he hears his favorite celebrity’s name from your lips.

“You could do that?” He asks, bewildered.

“I thought you hated me for having a famous mom.” He stays silent.

“Look, you’re up and coming. If this movie does well, I’ll send a letter to the top producers in the industry and tell them about how stunning of a performance you gave.”

It’s a deal that’s extremely hard to pass on–hell, he’s literally getting paid to act in the movie anyways, so it’s not like he loses much if he says yes. But you’re snarky, and although you’re not outright rude, you never seem to be excited for anything, and Jake has no idea why the mood is so sour when he’s with you.

Whatever, it’s not like it’s real, anyways.

Jake shrugs and pinches his nose bridge momentarily before sighing. “Where do I sign?”

You thought that Jake had been oblivious to the whole thing as much as you were, but it seems like he knew about a hidden contract. Jungwon fishes out a crisp white sheet of paper from his bag. “You know me so well, and I didn’t even tell you anything,” and his response has you thinking that maybe the actor just knows his manager well.

Suddenly, the next year of your love life is signed and tucked away into two identical copies for Jungwon and Sunoo, before the two shake hands and smile. “I’m excited for how things will go,” your manager comments before you two leave.

The moment the door shuts behind you, you let out a long exhale, suddenly finding interest in your manicure.

“You’re annoying, Sunoo. But I don’t doubt you.”

The boy smiles and links arms with you, walking to the entrance of the studio building before you both catch wind of the paparazzi.

A swarm of reporters and cameras catch your casual outfit and sunglasses when you emerge with your manager behind you. Questions bombard you, and you hear amongst the commotion a few reporters who are desperate for their next article to feature you. ‘Is it true that you’ve hated Sunghoon for years?’ ‘What do you have to say about your new film?’ ‘Do you have anything to say about Jake Sim?’

You pause momentarily on the way to your car, reconsidering if you should answer any question. “Me and Sunghoon have never had a disagreement, and I know he appreciated the Prada we sent him a few weeks ago.” Smiling at the memory, you choose to answer a few more questions before you have to go. “As for the new film? I’m fairly excited. Me and my boyfriend are more than ready to be filmed together."

The gasps from the crowd leave you content as you slip into your car with Sunoo. “But don’t tell anyone I’m dating!” You yell out for good measure, knowing that by morning, everything will have changed.

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strangelysamantha · 3 years

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hey, i have a jj maybank request! fem!reader, possible angst!

so basically, y/n is a pogue and gets along with the other pogues (john b, pope, sarah, kiara & cleo) except for jj. y/n is always bright, a total sweetheart and bubbly and jj…hates it.

john b recently opens up a surf board shop on that stranded island that they’re on?? and he leaves y/n and jj alone to polish some boards hoping that they’d get along. jj complains about every little thing y/n does and starts calling her names. she gets really upset and storms out the shop to clear her head. she goes by the water for a swim but a dangerous tide picks her up and jj notices and saves her?? hopefully this makes sense!

the deep end ☆

jj maybank x fem!reader.

warnings: mentions of drowning, jj being an asshole, swearing.

words: 1,674.

summary: jj somehow finds everything you do annoying to the point he criticizes everything you do. john b thinks of a plan that will ensure his two friends will befriend each other. it was working at first, until it wasn’t.

request? yes!

a/n: y’all have such good ideas what the?! thank you for the request! if you enjoyed please like and comment. this is angst with fluff at the end. <3 BTW i am from missouri and have never surfed so i hope i got the polishing of the surfboards correct. :)

my masterlist

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john b always had a plan, well usually he did. if two of his friends were fighting, he would always find a way to get them to get along. he knew that stranding kiara and sarah on a boat together in the middle of nowhere would force them to fix their friendship. so, with that knowledge, he knew that he could do the same thing with jj and you.

you were always nice to jj, he just seemed to get annoyed with you all the time. you didn’t know what you had done, if you had even done something. he just always felt the need to critique you. it became harder and harder everyday to ignore him.

since washing up on the abandoned island, john b was ecstatic for his brand new start. unsurprisingly to anyone, his first idea for creating a new civilization would be a surf shack. he started building it right away. you would occasionally help, but he was determined to do it on his own so he would always send you away.

“okay! john b what would you like my help with? i can do anything you need. just let me know.” you smile brightly at john b, while he stared at you. “listen, i love you. but, i don’t need your help at the moment. you should talk to everyone else.” you frown at his words, “fine. but you better get me the minute you need assistance.” he nodded. “will do.” and with that, you left joining the others.

jj was talking to cleo before silencing upon your arrival. “hey everyone!” you smile at the group in front of you. “hey! how’s john b?” kiara asked. “i think he is good, he’s actually pretty much done.” you play with the bracelet on your wrist. kiara nods, “that’s great.” pope smiles, “statistically speaking, we can’t ensure that his shack will be entirely safe as he built it all on his own.” you stare at pope. “true… we’ll let’s hope it doesn’t collapse on him.” pope smiled at you, glad you listened to his random fact.

jj groaned. “awe, how sweet pope!! you found a girl who wasn’t disgusted by your weird and useless knowledge.” you gasp in shock, “jj! shut up you are so rude.” jj laughs, “it’s just a joke, why do you always have to be so offended?” you glare at jj. “jj it’s not funny, you’re just a dick.” pope sighs. “it’s okay, don’t worry.” you frown in popes direction. you quietly pull away from the group. you walk to an area of sand, plopping yourself down. that’s when john b approached you.

“hey, remember when i told you i would come get you when i needed help?” john b smiled at you. “yes! do you need my help?” you tilt your head to the side, waiting. he nods. “i need you to wax up some of the boards i made.” you nod. “okay! sure.” he walked you to his shack, helping you set up. you began waxing the board, paying attention to the direction and the amount of wax you were applying. john b waits a minute watching you, before he decides to leave.

after a minute, you see jj approaching the shack with john b who held a smug smile on his lips. you shake your head, confused. “friends.” he looked between you and jj. jj held an unamused look on his face. “as my close friends, you will wax these boards for me. you can’t stop until you guys fix whatever feud is going on between the two of you.” john b stands his ground. jj scoffs, “we don’t have a feud.” you nod your head in agreement. “jj is right, his hatred is definitely one sided... it is not a feud.” you laugh softly seeing jj send a glare your way. “yeah okay. whatever guys. just fix it, and if you even try and leave, i’ll send cleo after both of you.” your eyebrows lift in shock. you mutter a quick okay, returning your attention to the board.

jj stares at you, watching you apply the wax. he couldn’t help but get upset. everything you did just made him annoyed. he grabbed the wax, working on the board right by yours. silence falls over the two of you. it’s not awkward or weird, it actually feels quite normal. until jj interrupted it so he could judge you.

“youre doing it wrong. i mean come on.” you stare at jj, “jj please just focus on your own board.” you shake your head, continuing to polish the surfboard. he glares at you. “whatever. just keep doing what you are doing, and then john b or i will fix it after you.” his attention turned back to his board. you rolled your eyes. “i will, thank you.” he breathes in, inhaling the waxy scent. “you are so annoying you know that?” you ignore jj’s words, focusing on the board. he continues, “i mean everything you do. everything you say, it pisses me off.” you nod slightly. “you done?”

“no, actually i’m not.” you bite your lip, fixating on the wax that is spreading along the smooth surface. jj stops waxing the surfboard. you look up to see he is already staring at you. “you know, you act like you are better than us, i mean why do you hang out with us anyway?” jj waits but continues when he realizes you won’t reply. “you are fake, you are so upbeat and bubbly that it’s annoying. you are a double sided two faced bitch who says anything to get in good graces.” you inhale, looking up at him.

“listen jj. we are stranded on this fucking island. TOGETHER. so either drop it and move on, or just shut the fuck up and stay away from me.” you place your hands on your hips, breathing slightly staggered from anger. “everyone speaks so highly of you saying how great you are; but the only jj i’ve met is a total douche. if you hate me so much then just stay the fuck away from me. if you continue you’ll just be wasting your breath and energy anyway.” jj holds back a laugh at your sudden outburst.

“you really think if i had the choice, i would want to be here? especially with you?” jj asked, you already knowing the answer. you stay silent. “exactly. no one can deal with you for that long anyway.” you roll your eyes.

“whatever jj. you win.” you toss the wax to the side, frowning. you don’t turn back to him, you just ignore him. you start to walk towards the beaches seashore. it was getting slightly hot, so you decided to take a dip into the water.

you were salvaging the few moments of freedom you had, before you got john b’s and cleo’s wrath from leaving the scene before mending the friendship with jj. it was practically impossible. what did jj have against you? you tip toed into the water, getting deeper and deeper. you floated at the top of the water; the coolness feeling great on top of your hot skin.

jj truly had the biggest nerve, your mind was overwhelmingly clogged. you felt seaweed scratch against the bottom of your foot, this caused you to jump, your adrenaline levels rising since you thought it was a fish. you try to remain afloat, but the high tide caused the waves to crash right over you repeatedly, being faster and higher than ever. you went above water trying to shout for help, but your mouth was filled, causing no sound to come out. you thrash against the water, kicking to stay afloat. your throat was burning, your legs tired from kicking, and your lungs filled with liquid.

a pair of hands wrap around your stomach, dragging you out the water. you were placed on the warm sand. “shit.” jj stared at you. your head felt light. jj’s hand began pumping your chest, curses falling from his mouth. “come on, just breathe. please.” you cough, the salt water exiting your lungs, and dropping onto your neck. you gasp for air, opening your eyes to be met with jj’s face. you breathe heavily for a minute.

“jj… thank you.” you sit up, pulling him into a tight hug. your hands wrap around his neck, one of them grabbing his hair. his arms held tightly around your waist. his chest was heaving heavily, shaking slightly. “i hate to be so cliché j, but you genuinely saved my life.” he frowns at you. “i almost lost you.”

jj’s confession confused you. “what?” you say softly, your hand combed through his hair. “look. the reason i’m so mean to you, is because i knew that if i was nice to you, my already intense feelings for you would only amplify.” you frown at him. “you’ve had a crush on me this whole time?” jj nodded. you went to talk, but your friends interrupted the moment.

john b rushed to your side, kiara and pope swiftly behind him. “what happened!! we were watching from over there.” john b pointed in a direction farther away. “one minute you were swimming… the next you we’re gone!?” you wipe your neck, trying to dry it off. “jj saved my life. i almost drowned.” you frown, the group in front of you nodded. “im so glad you are okay.” kiara bent down pulling you into a hug. “i’m glad you are safe now too.” pope joined in on the hug; as well as everyone else.

sarah, kiara, and cleo bend down, reaching for your hands. they help you up, dragging you to your feet. they walk you away from the crowd, bombarding you with questions. “so when you were drowning what did it feel like??” you turn around watching jj, you smile slightly before turning to them. “oh get ready for the amount of details i’m going to give you guys.”

possibly a part two…??? not sure yet :) <3 also!! i’m proofreading this tomorrow since i’m not entirely sure if it has errors or not! ily!!

#jj maybank obx #jj maybank #jj maybank x reader angst #fiction #writing #jj maybank x fem!reader #jj maybank fanfic #jj maybank angst #jj maybank imagine #outerbanks fanfics #outer banks imagines #outer banks story #outer banks angst #jj maybank one shot #jj maybank outer banks #jj maybank obx fanfic #jj x fem!reader

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filipinoizukuu · 3 years

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Pls share about the Gospel of Judas 👀

, im SO glad someone asked because this topic is nigh always pingponging around in my head and the fact i get to ramble about it means the WORLD to me. TW ahead for canon-typical violence, gore, and other such discussions of all that fun heretical stuff!

Now, to preface this, I just wanted to say that I’m not a licensed professional in anything related to theology nor religion nor historical artifacts. I am. as we all are deep down inside, a simple teenager with ridiculous hyper-fixations and a vast ocean of random information that will not be of any importance to my career or home life whatsoever. Easily, many of the things I talk about could either be wrong or debunked, but I will try my best to explain the Book of Judas as I understood it.

Among the many books that make up what we know as the Bible today, there were various seemingly ‘missing perspectives’ and inconsistencies that existed between gospels. One of the reasons for this was the fact that the Bible in and of itself was a compiled work that was originally recorded years after the oral tradition had passed. What is or isn’t ‘canon’ often depended on the rulings of past Popes who worked with historians to determine the authenticity of ancient artifacts that either proved or contested the canonical teachings of the Bible--one of the more popular debunked samples being The Shroud of Turin, which while being ruled as a fake by Pope Clement the VII a long time ago, still has its authenticity being debated until today.

It’s important to remember that the canon status of ancient artifacts. while somewhat reliant on Papal confirmation, can sometimes be contested and interpreted to each individual’s discretion.

And among all of these artifacts, there is my favorite one of all--The Book of Judas. Now, factually speaking, the Gospel of Judas was written in (somewhere between 2 to) 5 A.D., not actually that farfetched considering that only in 1 A.D. was the first version of the Bible we know today written. It was found somewhere in Ancient Egypt but was declared as fiction at some point in 180 A.D. by St. Iranaeus of Lyon. To understand the impact that The Book of Judas would have on the Bible (which, to put it simply, was revolutionary), you’d first have to have a quick review and understanding of who Judas Iscariot was in the gospels that we know today.

Judas was a disciple.

He was one of the 12 disciples that were closest to Jesus and a disciple that most accounts of the story would say actually truly deeply loved him at some point. Judas was, as all memes about Christianity are fond of reminding, also the traitor that eventually chose money and greed over his love for God’s son and turned him in with a kiss in a garden that led to Jesus Christ’s death at the cross.

That is until you read the translations of the Book of Judas.

In the original books--whether it was because he was possessed by the Devil or simply a man who had fallen into greed--Judas was portrayed to be a sinner and a horrible traitor. After his betrayal and Jesus’ eventual death, Judas had then become guilt-ridden and anguished, choosing to end his own life in the Gospel of Matthew and even tarnishing a field with his blood and sins according to St. Luke in Acts.

The Book of Judas, however, CHALLENGES these motives. Instead, it takes what brought all past Christian texts together by changing the portrayal of Judas on its head and putting the previous ‘traitor’ under the light of something else entirely.

According to the Book of Judas, Jesus had asked Judas to betray him.

The 26-page manuscript was a brief retelling of the dynamics we were lead to believe in the story told by the main four books. In the Book of Judas, we were told that the original other 12 disciples were actually quite... foolish. They were described to be sort of arrogant and clueless, constantly misinterpreting and forgetting Jesus’ words because while he was teaching them to be better and to spread the words of God, the disciples were still, at their core, human sinners. The manuscript was believed to have reported that of the disciples that were closest, or at least best tolerated by Jesus--Judas was by far the most understanding of His words.

Judas, in accordance with his book, was the only one who could understand the significance and cryptic lessons behind Jesus’ teachings. Because of this, Jesus knew he was the only capable one to serve him in what was to come.

You see, part of the prophecy was that Jesus had to die. He had to suffer and fall for humanity’s sake so that we would be able to be forgiven. As much as it sucks to even think about it, Jesus had come to expect that someone would need to cause his death and hurt him all so that he could fulfill his purpose.

In the end, he thought that death by the hand of an enemy was far worse than a death at the hands of a friend.

During the Last Supper, Jesus approached Judas and placed him into a vision. He placed Judas in a fantastical, wonderful dream where Judas sat facing the house of heaven and saw Jesus. Jesus, who looked at his beloved friend and said: “you will exceed all of them. For you will sacrifice the man that clothes me.” Judas will exceed all of them. And he will sacrifice the man that clothed Jesus.

In this interpretation, Judas was essentially told that he was the one who would finally free Jesus from his physical form. Judas, the supposed traitor disciple, would be the one to fulfill Jesus’ prophecy and thus sacrificed his beloved friend to bring about forgiveness for humanity.

And he understands.

In this manuscript, Judas Iscariot understands the will of God and what he has to do. He understands the weight of his betrayal and what he has to do in order to obey Jesus--so then it isn’t money or fear or anger or evil that motivates him to surrender Jesus to the soldiers but utter obedience and adoration for the Son of God. Judas gives his ‘yes’, knowing that for years and years he will be slandered and labeled as a traitor but at his core, Judas knows that it was not a betrayal to begin with.

So he led the soldiers to Jesus in the garden. He kissed him and let him be taken away and let him die.

This was the official translation approved by BBC and National Geographic according to the original translations done by Stephen Emmel, a Coptic studies professional.

Later on, this interpretation would be challenged by Dr. April DeConick, who claims that the mistreatment and mistranslation of the paper actually told the complete opposite, in the way that the revelation in the Last Supper was not created by Jesus but, in fact, by Judas, who had revealed himself to be the 13th demon of hell. This interpretation, while less popular, served as a direct challenge to the recharacterization BBC and NatGeo had approved of. I don’t really know too much about this debate, but I do know that this second interpretation does exist.

Of course, the original Judas text itself is currently impossible to truly translate to be sure. It was torn and shuffled, put into a freezer, and possibly even missing a few pages (which you can blame Bruce Ferinni for), ultimately making the authentic manuscript really difficult to properly restore.

The takeaway from this whole Book though--whether you accept it as canon or not--is that there were many interpretations and beliefs early Christians and Gnostics had that the time that criticized the way the four main gospels had passed down God’s teachings. People believed what they thought supported their own beliefs and at the end of the day. it's all still just a matter of who we choose to credit.

The real author to the Book of Judas remains anonymous to this day, but I am very glad to have been able to share this with you all :)

not proofread since i did this at like 4 am | x x x

#tw long post #long post tw #gospel of judas #christianity

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moonice20408 · 4 years

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The Curious Disappearance of C. Cullen

Word Count: 3818

Read on Ao3 Read on FF.net

“This week on Buzzfeed Unsolved we’re investigating the disappearance of C. Cullen, as part of our new investigation!”

“New investigation?”

“Are vampires real?”

Shane groaned. “Oh no. No no no. Absolutely not. Nope.”

Ryan let out a laugh. “What, you don’t believe in vampires?”

“No Ryan, I do not.” Shane shook his head. “And you know what, I think I might believe in them even less than ghosts!”

“Oh wow.” Ryan laughed again. “Why are vampires so much more unbelievable than ghosts?”

“Because Ryan. They’re stupid! That’s why!” He slammed his hand onto the desk with some force. “If vampires were real, we’d know about it.”

“Well what if it’s like in the movies and they’re all just living in secret?”

“Oh, c’mon. There are cameras everywhere nowadays. You don’t think we’d have caught some guy just munching on another guys neck till he drops dead at some point? Then turn into a bat and fly away.”

“Well you’d just say it was fake if we did.”

Shane paused for a second then shrugged. “Yeah, that’s probably true.”

Ryan shook his head, then faced the camera. “So, this episode of Supernatural is a going to be a little different.”

“How so Ryan?”

“Well… we’re not going anywhere. There’s no location footage this week guys.”

“Yeah, this week we just thought, ‘you know what, not feeling it.’” Shane relaxed back in his chair. “We’re gonna sit back and take it easy.”

Ryan ignored him. “The reason being, well two reasons actually. One being that, at least I figure, if they were real, vampires aren’t, err… trapped, shall we say, to one place. Therefore, if they were real, they’d still be free to leave a place. So, we’d get there-”

“And we’d be talking to no one.” Shane interrupted.

“Exactly.”

“Imagine that.” Shane continued. “Going to a supernatural hotspot, just talking to the air…”

“Would you-”

“Wouldn’t want that! Would we?” He threw his hands up in the air. Ryan just stared forward, looking into the camera with an unimpressed look. “Wouldn’t we just look dumb! Just yelling into an empty room, expecting a response.”

“Erm, excuse me, we’ve gotten plenty of responses!” Ryan defended.

“Pffft.” Shane waved his hand.

“You know what, I’m just going to continue.” Ryan said matter-of-factly.

“Please.”

“The other reason we’re staying here, is that this case is from England. And we just couldn’t find time that worked for us, as well as crew members to do a quick trip to another country.” Shane nodded with Ryan. “I did look around the location, y’know on Google, and err, it’s just a bunch of offices now, so…”

“Not as exciting as our last trip there.” Both of them shook their heads.

“Now,” Ryan straightened out the file in front of him, before looking to the camera. “I am going to admit, right off the bat…” He quickly peered to Shane. “See what I did there?”

Shane nodded.

“Vampire… Bat…”

“No, I got it Ryan. That was a good one.”

“Thank you.” Ryan smiled while Shane rolled his eyes. “Anyway, I have to admit, I, err… I’m already prepared for some… criticism, shall we say.”

“What, because vampires aren’t real?” Shane said sarcastically.

“No. Well, I guess that’s part of the debate isn’t it?”

Shane sighed and shook his head, looking straight to the camera.

Ryan continued. “What I mean is, that this is case we’re investigating, is one of the oldest cases we will have covered so far on the show.”

“Oh really? Interesting.” Shane said, genuinely intrigued. “What’s the oldest so far? Witch trials right, gotta be.”

“Err, well that’s the oldest full episode, I think. But there’s some of the ancient alien stuff we looked at-”

“Oh right, yeah.”

“But the Salem witch trials were 1690s. But the case today dates back, roughly, to the 1640s.”

“Wow. That’s pretty old Ryan.”

“Yeah, which is part of the problem. Because it’s as old as it is, the erm, documentation of it is… It’s not great.”

Shane let out a small laugh. “So, what you’re saying is, you’ve got shit.”

“No! No… It’s just we, meaning our tremendous research team, we’re usually able to get multiple accounts on stuff, and can cross reference information, you know, so we can put together a more valid case.”

“So, you’re telling me, that before the videos even started, this case has no credibility and is crumbling through your fingers as we speak?”

Ryan sighed. “Look, I feel that what we have is defiantly something. I just want to make it clear; it’s just not as backed up as our usual content. You know we try to keep it as honest as we can here. So, I figured, I’d be upfront about this, before people start yelling at me through the comments. Obviously, I’m not going to put together an episode if there’s absolutely nothing, cause that’s… that’s just telling a made-up story off the internet isn’t it?”

“Hmm,” Shane nodded. “Okay. Alright. I will reserve my judgement for the end.”

Ryan laughed. “I doubt that, but anyway, let’s get into it.

- - -

“Legends of vampires can be dated back millennia, and stories told of them are found globally. Many ancient cultures had tales centred around the nocturnal undead, reanimated corpses spreading disease to the living, or blood drinking spirits all that hold similar characteristics to the modern idea of what a vampire is.

The idea of blood drinking became very ingrained into the lore of vampires. It was once believed that the blood of a living person, contained that person’s life force, and to drink it would allow another creature to absorb that life force. Some even thought that by drinking a person’s blood, that the drinker would also gain the characteristics of that person, allowing the vampire to better disguise themselves amongst the rest of society.

The word ‘vampire’ itself only came into use in the mid-18th century, from fast spreading tales told in Transylvania, and was later further popularised due to Bram Stoker’s novel Dracula, which was published in 1897. It’s Stoker who is credited for defining the modern vampire, after combining multiple myths together for his book.

In most folklores, vampires were believed to be the revenants of evil beings, or an unrested deceased person who had committed unforgivable sins in their life, but it became a common belief that a living person themselves could become a vampire by being bitten. The belief in some parts of the world became to extensive that it led to mass hysteria, which resulted in many people being sentenced to death, usually by burning.”

- - -

“What’s interesting to me,” Shane started.

“Yeah?”

“Is just how wholeheartedly people, back in the day, believed in this stuff!”

“Yeah. I did come across something, and can I just say, the historical research in this case was very interesting… Like, go look up vampire history guys.” Ryan pointed at the camera. “But anyway, in, err, Greece I think it was, was that after three years, they would dig up dead bodies and they’d be examined.”

“To see if they’d become vampires?”

“Basically.” Ryan nodded. “And if they hadn’t decayed to standard, or whatever, then they’d be ‘dealt with accordingly’” He said, adding air quotations.

“Who decides,” Shane snickered. “Who decides what a suitable decomposition is?” They both laughed. “Were they just like, ‘hmm, no, too much meat left on ‘im’”

“‘toss him in the fire!’” Ryan added.

“‘Into the pit’,” Shane mimicked throwing something over his shoulder. “‘Bring in the next decayed body!’”

“It’s like a line at the doctor’s office.” They both chuckled.

- - -

“Now, back to the case at hand. In early the 1950s, construction workers in London were working to fix up a number of buildings that were destroyed by bombs during World War Two. In one particular location, the damage caused actually led to the discovery of a basement-like room, that had been previously built over, remaining hidden for centuries. Upon further investigation, it was determined that this room was originally part of an Anglican church that was destroyed during the Great Fire in 1666, and was never rebuild.

Inside this room, many historical artefacts were found, but some of the most interesting, at least to me, were a journal and a stack of documents, that belonged to a previous pastor of the church. It is worth noting that the year 1640 is written on the first page of this journal, but it is up for debate for how long this journal was kept. The documents that were recovered, have been since entitled the ‘Crusades of Evil’.

Unfortunately, over time a lot of the writing on these pages has become too faded to accurately read. But enough can be made out to get a good sense of what they’re about. In short, the pastor of the church would lead hunts for all manner of unholy creatures. Almost all of them resulting in the execution of people who were thought to be these creatures. These documents contain the information about the accused, which was essentially just a name and location, if that, as well as what they were accused of doing/being, and the method of execution. Most of the documents found were signed a S.C. Cullen. But, thanks to the journal that was found with these papers, we know that the man in question was named Samuel Cullen.”

- - -

“No middle name?” Shane asked.

“Err, no this guy didn’t write his whole name. Unfortunately.”

“And am I correct in assuming that the unknown ‘C’ initial is perhaps the same as our missing person’s?”

“It is certainly believed that the initials do come from the same name, yes.”

“Interesting…” Shane paused for a moment. “You know… just to switch subjects here,” He huffed a laugh, “And I want this on record, this guy already seems like an asshole… I’m very against the whole idea of burning innocent people to death…”

“Oh good, I’m glad.” Ryan said sarcastically.

“But, I gotta say… Crusades Against Evil! Sounds like a badass movie!”

Ryan chuckled. “To be honest, when I first read that… I did think it sounded like some kind of shooter video game.”

“Oh! Like Doom! You ever play that?” He mimed holding up a gun, and pointing it around the room. “Vampires just popping up, like bangbangbangbangbang!” He ‘aimed’ at Ryan. “Kaboom.”

Ryan just raised his eye brow. “You done?”

“Yeah.” Shane sighed, smiling to himself.

- - -

“Not much is known about Samuel Cullen, other than the fact he was the church pastor during the 1630s and early 1640s at the very least, according to the papers found. And the journal that was found, was unfortunately in an even worse condition than the documents. That being said, one legible section did make reference to a son, and if you were paying attention, you’d have noticed I said most of the documents were signed by Samuel. Some however, were signed C. Cullen. Which has led many conclude that this C. Cullen was the pastor’s son. But when efforts were made to find out more about this man, researchers came up empty handed, and found almost nothing. Not even a first name.”

- - -

“Not even a name?” Shane said loudly.

“I know.”

“So I take it that it was Samuel naming his son after himself?”

“Err, yeah. At least that’s what most people think. Which, honestly, I think is a fair conclusion to make.”

Shane nodded in agreement. “That’s kind of sad, that we’ll never know this guy’s name.” Ryan hummed in agreement, and there was a brief moment of silence. “I bet it was Clive.”

Ryan laughed. “Clive?”

“I dunno man, first name I thought of.” Shane shrugged.

“You thought of Clive before, like, Christopher? A much more common name.”

“Aaa, this is an uncommon guy though, Ryan.”

Ryan shook his head, not commenting.

- - -

“As I said, Samuel seemed to be very enthusiastic about the hunts he led, given the number of documents signed by him. His son however, only seemed to have taken charge in two of these crusades. And if it is to be assumed that the documents were kept in any sort of order, then that would mean, these two accounts from the son were much further apart in time, than that of Samuel’s. It’s also worth mentioning, that C. Cullen’s papers were noticeably longer in length, even if too faded to fully read. But this does suggest the man was, perhaps, more detailed in his telling of what happened, or even maybe had more compelling evidence of what he believed to be a supernatural creature. Researches involved believe the most likely scenario is that Samuel put his son in charge of the church and of the hunts, when he was old enough, as the son’s involvement doesn’t seem to be much later. But that his son was much more hesitant at doing the job at hand. Therefore, leading Samuel to decide to take over once again, possibly to save his own or his family’s reputation.

One document in particular sparked interest, when upon further inspection, it appeared to be written by both Samuel and his son. When comparing the handwriting, it was concluded that it was mostly written by the son. Starting with what seemed to be a description on a group of people living underground. This most likely meaning the sewage system at the time. Bible verses can also be found, such as Leviticus 17:10-14, which quotes ‘And whatsoever man there be of the house of Israel, or of the strangers that sojourn among you, that eateth any manner of blood; I will even set my face against that soul that eateth blood, and will cut him off from among his people.’. But the account of the raid itself, as well as what is assumed to be the execution details, was written, and signed by Samuel. And no evidence of C. Cullen can be found after this point in time.

Which begs the question, what happened during this crusade that meant C. Cullen was unable to complete his own documentation? Was it a conscious decision to leave for good? And, what became of him?

- - -

“See,” Shane started, “I know where you’re going with that that question…”

“Yeah?”

“And I don’t like it…” He sighed.

- - -

“One theory as to why he vanished, is that it during this aforementioned raid, someone fought back against him, and he was killed in self-defence. As mentioned, this attack was written to be on a group of people. Consequently, it seems pretty likely that this group would fight back, given the chance. So perhaps C. Cullen met his match, and ultimate end in this way. Similarly, could it be that he was killed accidentally? Many historians agree that these types of hunts for supernatural beings, would have involved a large number of people. Could it be, that in amidst the chaos and disorder of the crowds, undoubtedly fuelled by fear, that C. Cullen was killed. Perhaps being trampled, or being mistaken for someone else.”

- - -

“Personally,” Ryan started, “I’m not sure I think that’s likely.”

“Of course you don’t, it’s a logical assumption.”

“Oh what, you don’t think, if we were in some crazed mob, I wouldn’t recognise you?” Ryan raised an eyebrow. “And I’d just accidentally kill you cause I was so caught up in the madness?”

“Okay one, you couldn’t kill me no matter how hard you tried.” Ryan made a sound to interrupt, but Shane continued before he could. “And two, hysteria does things to people man. You’re not thinking straight.”

“I just think that the leader of this raid, would be the most recognisable person out of everyone there. I imagine they’d have had him up on a little stage while they all crowded round for instructions before they set off. They’d all of had a pretty good look at the guy, and I’m sure he’d have just been a well-known guy at the time. The trampling, or self-defence I could kinda understand, but I can’t see how someone could’ve just like, grabbed him, and I don’t know, beat him to death or whatever.”

Shane just shrugged.

“Plus, again, he’s probably the most relevant person there.” Ryan added. “So, you’d like to think someone would have noticed his death and there’d be evidence of that.”

“It’s the 1600s, Ryan! What kind of evidence do you want? It’s not like they were running round taking photos or anything.”

“Well, there could be some sort of documentation of it. Newspaper article perhaps?” Ryan suggested.

“I don’t think many newspapers would’ve survived that long… Were newspapers even a thing at this point?”

“You know, honestly I don’t know.”

“And this is the 1600s, how many people were reading?”

“Hmm…” Ryan sighed. “Okay, you got me with that one.”

- - -

“The most commonly accepted theory is that C. Cullen simply ran away. As I said, it is widely believed that he was more hesitant about conducting these crusades in the first place, so is it possible that he used the attack as a cover to escape? Many believe so. Perhaps being in charge of the crusade in question granted him more protection in the event, and perhaps he wasn’t involved in the attack at all. He was simply waiting for news on whether it was successful or not. Is it possible that he hung back, and made his escape while the crowds fought without him? And that no one realised he was gone until afterwards. That being said, some have their doubts about this. Afterall, if C. Cullen was indeed so much more humane than his father, would he really cause an attack on other people, just for his own benefit? And would he be one to watch from the side-lines, while others risked their own life?”

- - -

“Okay…” Shane said.

“What?”

“I mean, obviously, I don’t believe for a second that there were actually vampires involved in any of this… But back in the day, people did quite truly believe that they were real. So, I can’t imagine it would have been difficult to get a crowd all riled up, and then send them off. Especially if the leader of it all also truly believed in the… in the cause, I guess. And I think, that if this guy did use the attack as a cover, and if he was as good of a person as everyone thinks, then he at least thought they were really vampires.”

“That’s fair.” Ryan agreed. “And if you think about it, bible verses were only found in his accounts. So that leads me to think that he at least had like, I dunno, God in mind or whatever.”

“It’s kinda strange to, like, imagine yourself living like that. If you’re taking the bible that seriously, and know it well enough to quote like that, it’s gonna be hard, cause it has a lot of contrasting points. I mean, I can’t say I’ve read the bible, but just from what I’ve seen online. It seems like it’s a bit all over the place!”

“Oh yeah, I agree. I mean, this quote again,” Ryan shuffled through his papers, “I will even set my face against that soul that eateth blood, and will cut him off from among his people’. I can understand that perhaps that could be interpreted to mean killing vampires is okay… But then in the same book you have ‘thou shall not kill’.”

“You know Ryan, I like it when we argee on this stuff.”

Ryan laughed. “Well, we’ll see what you’re saying after this last theory.”

Shane let out a loud sign.

- - -

“I’m sure you all can guess what this final theory is. But some people actually entertain the idea that C. Cullen was correct in his quest. And that he truly found a coven of vampires living underground in London. He was attacked, and transformed into a vampire himself, and he is still out there today.”

- - -

Shane let out a long and loud groan. Leaning back on his chair, and covering his eyes with his hands.

Ryan giggled. “What, you don’t like this one?”

“No.” Shane replied in pained voice.

“Well you’ll be glad to know, neither do I.”

“Oh really. I’d of thought this one was right up your street.”

“What? You seriously think I’d believe in vampires?”

Shane shook his head. “You are so genuinely terrified of ghosts, it’s really not so outlandish to think you’d believe in anything like this.”

“No, no. I’m gonna put vampires in the same category as I put witches. I think a lot of innocent people were unnecessarily killed. And in all honestly, I think Samuel Cullen here, knew what he was doing. I think it was a case of him wanting to maintain a reputation, and as with the second theory, his son just took off and left to live an honest life somewhere.” Ryan nodded.

“I dunno…”

Ryan exaggerated a gasp. “Do you think it was vampires?” He laughed.

Shane chuckled. “Absolutely not. But I mean, I’ll put the whole vampire thing down to mass hysteria, you know, like those people in France!”

Ryan rolled his eyes. “I was so desperately trying to avoid you bringing that up.” He muttered.

“They danced till they died Ryan!” He looked to the camera. “Look it up! Anyway… Mass hysteria, plus, like I think I said this about the witches, but, general boredom can cause a lot of crazy behaviour. But with this C. Cullen guy… he probably just died. It’s not like they were medically advanced. People would get some sort of disease and the local doctor would give them cocaine or some shit. And it’s just a case of crappy documentation.”

Ryan laughed. “You don’t think he managed to get away and just move somewhere else? Probably chance his name?”

“I mean, that’s a possibility.”

“I just… I think there’s something just not sitting well with me, that this guys own father, never seems to mention a death. And that he just seemed to vanish and no one noticed.”

“Well maybe he did mention it, it’s just part of the journal that was unreadable.”

“Maybe…” Ryan said, unsatisfied.

“I guess we’ll never know…”

Ryan sighed. “I hate it when you say that.”

“I know…” Shane nodded, chuckling slightly. “I’m not gonna lose any sleep over it. It was four hundred years ago, he’s defiantly dead now anyway.”

Ryan nodded and hummed. “Well on that note!” The two laughed. “Hey, do you think if a vampire died, that it could still become a ghost?”

“Okay…” Shane stood up and walked off camera.

“Where are you going?”

“Away from you!”

“It was just a question.”

Thanks for reading, and hope you enjoyed it. Please let me know what you think!

#Twilight #carlisle cullen #fanfic #op #twilight fanfiction #Carlisle Cullen fanfiction #Carlisle fanfiction #buzzfeed unsolved #the cullens #we really be out here in 2020 writing twilight fanfic huh?#own fic

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gg-astrology · 5 years

Note

heyy! so I've been studying astrology for some time now and I decided to ask for some advice/dif. pov, so I have a 7h gem stellium conjuct nn and opposing sag pluto 1st conjuct sn. I was wondering your opinions on how to "balance it out" it seems like a paradox because it has sn conjuct pluto (transformation) and a lot of 7h energy. Idk why I always feel guilty or like I'm being selfish and constantly in need to better myself and "serve others". Thank you for reading💕

Hey there!! 💕💕💕 Oof okay! 💕 I’ve done a reading for someone similar, a gem stellium in 8th and pluto in 2nd -- I think I described it as a mobius wheel/loop?💕 The energy/cycle is concentrated between these two things, kinda like a feedback loop where one informs the others (stem/causes>action>repeat on the opposite side, grass is greener and all that)

How to Deal with a ‘Mobius Loop’?(stellia > placement) ⬇️

+ Also help stuff for Sagittarius??

When you’re pulled onto one, you’re gravitating back to the other. There’s a lot of concentrating (gravitational) power on both pulling you into this motion where you’re in between two gravitational force, belonging in two places -- a lot of the time it’s also limiting it to your vision as well. Because look at the big picture -- there’s so much space in your chart extended beyond just these two loops-- so how do you spread your energy there (outside the loop) to help ease/elevate the tension? 💕

A part of it is evaluating what you considering to be your best assets, your habits, your 'worth’ and value and ‘what’ you bring to the table (where your pride lies, SN) --- and letting that ‘go’ or breaking down that wall of ego, want, desire, need, self-protection. Only through breaking it down, does it go through transformation -- which is what Pluto brings to the SN.

Wanting it to transform but only through changing and challenging yourself/what you ‘know’ about yourself (your stable/ground point) to change.

With Sagittarius, perhaps it’s hopes/optimistic ideals, knowledge, expectations, part of your dream/goal/ambition.

Think of it as a baseline? And Pluto coming in going ‘well we should do some renovations’ (which is how it can healthily manifest) -- experiences where certain things are crushed are regenerated into a better positioning of the SN/baseline. And that can help you a lot as well? 💕

If Pluto/SN is not doing that, it can sometimes create a certain forcefulness, forcing the person’s good points, teachings, advice, skill-set to be pushed/forced onto others/acknowledged (which is why we talk about breaking down the SN so that the energy can be?? better). Wanting to be acknowledged, wanting to be a teacher or admired for our qualities, wanting or expected to gain something from our skill sets.

Sagittarius can be very stubborn, especially when it relies on it’s ‘better-qualities’ to make it appeal to others/get what it wants -- and look away from the problem at hand. Somethings you can’t ‘fake it till you make it’ but actually have to sit down and dismantle, re-wire and let expansive energy in honestly (and not look at what it wants/what it understands).

Opening it up is something to talk about-- and to do that, understanding the consciousness and what we internalize/fear we’re not as ‘good’ as we are in something-- learning how to look at those factors (internalized fear/desire) and accept them

Kinda like asking: what do you desire? and perhaps, why? and do you think you’re good at it? and then going -- what if that’s not relevant to achieving your goal? You’re focusing on something that’s only restricting you? BUT yes, it’s a wonderful goal/desire and it is definitely valid. And you put so much work and energy into it, all this effort and energy -- put into seeing it through, gaining grounds on it and with it. There’s sentimental values in what you’ve ‘had’ or ‘been with’ for so long, and that sentimentalism fool-hardiness is obviously valid from a goal/ambition and manifestation/emotional standpoint as well.

But what if you let that ‘desire/goal’ go -- and instead, denounce, evaluate, or critically look at how it is realistically dragging you down as well? What if you embrace -- perhaps, what you see others doing and vehemently didn’t want to do before? Those you’ve judged, or moral values/issues you might not have been ok with, perhaps denouncing your values (expectations of the self) -- you can accept others values and perspective better now.

There’s power there too, where technically -- you have to have a certain level of ‘moral looseness’ in order to accept different view/paths of life and embrace them.

There’s a fear of ‘losing yourself’ if you just -- take other’s values or be integrated into it -- but don’t worry so much because the true goal of this is self-regeneration (Pluto) and you DO have a Sagittarius SN which is going to come through with finding YOUR perspective in all this chaos/values -- basically, it’ll be good for you if you learn how to ‘let go’ of this thing you cling onto.

With Sagittarius, it’s also your ‘contribution’ to the world and what you ‘bring’ to the table. And with it being in important house (1st-7th) what matters more is seeing how you can help others without expending yourself or relying on your skill-sets/clinging stuff so much. Breaking down that core ego/sense of self that has to do with it -- and instead, learning, growing and seeing the spaces around you (and their value/worth) for the first time.

Open up Sagittarius in a healthier way (a student, as much as a colleague/TA) helps a lot with it’s giving nature without the reliance on the ‘self’ (what you provides, want, give, is valued for) --- you define your own value/worth, and if you can’t trust yourself to just say ‘i am valuable whether or not i provide something, i am and therefore, im worthy of receiving’ -- then maybe you’re in no position to be giving until you can say that with a deeper conscious/honesty to it? 💕

Anyways, this is all to do with clearing up that receptor in the 1st. Because your Gemini Stellium is also the one power-housing energy as well (and is?? more chances of being stable/less of a problem from first glance) -- it provides power for sure, but if the receptor of those energy is slamming that power back to the Gemini stellium when it sends it out (trying to balance itself) -- then that energy will be going back and forth without going anywhere.

Thus -- why clearing up some of those transformative power and amazing skill-sets you have in the 1st -- to actually be something that could grow, heal, regenerate and provide (disperse it around and help nourish the rest of your chart) -- helps with moving along some of that loop-y motion as well.

Anyways-- this was long, but I hope it’s ;; 💕💕 helpful, or resonate, or anything 💕💕 I hope it helps a little 💕💕 Aaahnsjknw

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the-deerking · 6 years

Text

Beats morphers was pretty good but I think I’m gonna balance out the love a little bit by focusing on a few things that could be improved.

Don’t worry I’ll give my positive at the end I just feel no growth happens with out a little criticism.

1. The new bulk and skull type characters are annoying and while a improvement from last season kinda miss the point of what made bulk and skull funny and good. Also why are two characters who obviously not every good at their jobs to the point where one of them can’t even work their equipment security guards?

2. While I get they were trying to set blaze up as a ass and he did over react, the fight between him and Devon came out of nowhere and frankly Devon was kinda in the wrong. You don’t disrespect a teacher like that and then act like you have the high ground.

3. I’ve have tried to explain this way but now it’s getting to me. What version do earth are we on? Like are we can’t be on post finale Dino charge earth because no dinosaurs and the mayor couldnt know about sledge cause he died way before humans existed, but the world where people knew about sledge was in a black hole. And he also knew about Rita and Galvanx. My assumption is timeforce came back and fixed something but im defiantly gonna have some questions at next years PMC.

4. Okay this is more of a nit pick on my part but a private organization basiclaly owning the power rangers is kinda my worst nightmare. Like with Lightspeed it was okay cause their focus was purely to protect the citizens, but with Battle gridforce the mission statement is “protect our morph X” which makes it seem like they are more interested in protecting the bottom line than the city.

5. How is the government not in on this? Like you are literally tapping into a power source that has given teenagers super human abilities for over two decades, and the government is letting this one city just do it? With what funding? What even is Grid battle force for that matter?

6. If the mayor didn’t want the Morph X then why did he A. Allow the towers to be built and B. Not wait until minutes before the ceremony to say anything?

Okay I’m done positives time.

I like how they are using the fake buster costume as the corrupted ranger and those real life glitch effects were great.

They are actually mixing the go-busters athletics with their new one which is great.

Evox is actually kinda scary in that he could slip right past the fire wall and get in no problem meaning he could do it again.

Mall the original action was great and they are still using the green data effect.

And now my unsures.

Ravi felt a little rushed in this episode. Like he was there at the gym then suddenly “We can’t be together” and “mom, I mean commander”. Like I’m sure he’ll get more focus but they could have spread it out a little more.

Let’s hope the seasons keeps on trucking down the mostly good train.

#power rangers #power rangers beast morphers

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aescapisms · 7 years

Text

under the same sky (2)

pairing: sebastian stan x reader

warnings: author doesn’t know what she’s talking about half of the time

word count: 3,098

a/n: look isdfk what im talking about so just bear with me??? and this is my first fanfic that im putting out there so pls any constructive criticisms would be nice thank u.

m a s t e r l i s t

Sebastian was falling and he was falling fast.

Every single day that he spent with Y/N he can’t help but admire the way her voice sounds like in his ear or the way her eyes sparkle every time she talked about the things she’s passionate about. They had a routine, Y/N will always show up at his doorstep and he will always go to her house in order to tutor her in her academics. In return, every weekends she trains him how to defend himself which he is very thankful for. She never liked the idea of Sebastian punching someone else but she figured that she wouldn’t always be around to protect him so he had to learn how to protect himself.

The times they spend without working on academics or training how to fight are very precious for them. They would explore the town, swim in the lake, go to the local cinema to watch some boring ass movie that she somehow always sleeps at the middle of but it was perfect. It had been their routine for seven months now. And they wouldn’t have it any other way.

But then a rumour about her leaving spread like wildfire in their high school. But it was the first time he had heard about it. Maybe because he never really paid any attention to what other people say. Only what she said, she was the only one that mattered.

One unfortunate day that Y/N didn’t attend class everyone pestered Sebastian for answers. If she leaves people won’t have someone to protect them anymore. That’s the only reason other people cared. And he was mad. Frustrated. He didn’t talk to anyone that day. There was no way the Y/N would leave right? He wanted answers, and he was determined to get them. No matter how much it scared him.

He rode his bike straight to their house after their class. Her mother opened the door and greeted Sebastian, before he could ask where Y/N is he noticed the packed boxes in the living room. “Y-You guys are leaving?” Y/N’s mother looked at him sadly “Oh, Y/N didn’t tell you?” No. No. No. This can’t be happening. She won’t leave me. She won’t leave me. She won’t—-

“Hey Sebby. What are you doing here?” Y/N asked when she walked down the stairs. She wore his shirt and her hair was tied up in a bun. Like she always do. “Are you going to leave?” She stopped in her tracks. Oh no, that’s not a good sign.

“I’ll leave you two to talk.” Her mother said and kissed Y/N on the head before she left and went to the backyard to bathe the dogs.

“Sebby—“

“Please don’t leave me. You can stay with us. We’ll take care of you.” She walked up to him and held his hand. He was shaking. How could he be so pathetic. Asking her to choose him instead of her family. That’s just a shitty move. “Seb. Look at me.” But he didn’t look up. He doesn’t want to look at her face because if she leaves he’s going to start trying to memorize every inch of her face and he can’t do that. He might forget. He doesn’t want to forget. Not her. Oh God please not her.

She placed her hand on his tear stained cheek and made him look up at her. She was smiling. She was laughing. How could she laugh at a time like this. Is his love really that one sided? “Sebby, I’m not going anywhere.” He hasn't even confessed his feelings for her an now she’s leaving? “Wait. What? But the boxes—“ “Are my parents’ stuff. They’re gonna be leaving for a few months maybe a year. My mom will go with my dad and I’ll stay here with Shaun.” She’s staying?

“Are you sure?” She nodded. “Yeah, we already agreed to that when we moved back here. It would be the last school I transfer to. I’m in high school now and it’ll look ugly in my college application if I switched schools alot now wont it?”

“Yes.” he nodded, “Yes it would. Oh god I thought you’re going to leave me” He hugged her so tight she almost couldn’t breathe. “Why weren’t you at school though?” She groaned and told him that her dysmenorrhea is killing her. “Do you want chocolates and ice creams?” She nodded. “Alright, wait for me. I’ll go get you some. We can watch your favorite movies and I’ll heat up the water for a hot compress.”

“You’re the greatest, Sebby.”

“No, you are.”

You’re the greatest thing that ever happened to me.

“So acting is it for you huh?” she asked while they were on a lake for their camping trip of the month. He nodded. “Applied to an art school. You were the one who convinced me to do it, and you think I’m good at that so I’ll give it a try.” She laughed, Sebastian has changed so much from the first time she saw him. Back then he was this kid that needed protecting but right now he can pretty much handle himself. He had starred in different theatrical production after she had convinced him to do so since he had a gift for the arts and it would be a shame to let it go to waste. “I’m proud of you, Sebby.” She said and laid her head on his shoulder. “Well, as for me i’m planning to take psychology and criminology at the same time then head straight to military.” His heart sank. He didn’t want her to go to the military. It was his worst fear. It was a very dangerous world out there and he doesn’t want her to face it alone. “Can I really not change your mind about military? You can die there you know?” She smiled and took a deep breath, “Worried Sebby had always been my second favorite, but you know I’ve always wanted to be in the military. I don’t want to stay here and just sleep on my bed knowing full well that I haven’t been useful in our country. After my service, its the FBI for me either that or I’ll open a small coffee shop somewhere and settle down.” “Who’s the first favorite— You know I’ll always worry about you, Y/N. I l—“ But he stopped himself. “Will I still meet you?”

She looked at him and winked “That’s a secret.” he nudged her in the shoulder and they both laughed “And of course you will Sebby. I’ll always write to you. And I will visit you when I can. Alright?” “And I will visit you when I can. Promise me you’ll text. Alright?” “Sebby, we still have graduation and prom. My god. I almost forgot about prom. I heard that Bethany asked you out?” Sebby looked away and said“Yeah she did.”

Y/N took a sharp intake of breath as if she had trouble breathing, “What did you say?”

“I said yes.” And there was the pain in her chest. “Well how about you? I heard you’re going with Luke?” She laughed, hard. Almost as if she was faking it but if she was Sebby didn’t notice. He fails to notice the little things about her. “Yeah, Luke asked me out but I said no. I told him I had someone I wanted to ask but then I found out he was going with someone else. So I’m just gonna go solo.”

Sebastian felt as if he had just been stabbed. She was going to ask someone. “You don’t want to know who I’m going to ask?” he shook his head. “I know that there are somethings that you like to keep to yourself and I think that this is one of them” Idiot. She pulled her lips into a tight smile and just nodded along. “Do you want to have dinner? It’s the last camping trip in this place.”

“Hey,” he told her as he helped her stand up “You said it yourself. We still have graduation. We still have time.”

But there’s still the inevitable goodbye.

Almost all of the teacher chaperone were disappointed when they saw that Sebastian and Y/N didn’t go to prom together. Sebastian was wearing a blue tuxedo which made him look like a movie star. Bethany didn’t waste any time dancing to the party music that the DJ was playing, while Sebastian excused himself to try and look for Y/N.

“I’m already here.” she said over the phone “I just got here actually.”

“Where are you?”

“Are you wearing the blue tuxedo we chose?”

“Yes. I can’t see you.”

“Turn around dumdum.”

Before him was still the most beautiful thing that he ever laid his eyes on. She was wearing a blue dress that’s almost the same shade as his tuxedo. It was a long gown with lace for sleeves, hugging her body to show off her curves. She curled her hair that made her look like a mermaid. “You look amazing.” He managed to breathe out. She blushed at his words but managed to regain her composure “You look nice too. Did you like my dress?” He nodded and said “We’re wearing the same shade.”

She shook her head, “This is not the shade of your tuxedo. Its the shade of your eyes.” Then she flashed him a smile. The smile that gave him the first time they met. The smile he fell in love with. The smile he’s still falling for.

Before he could say something, the DJ finally played a slow song. Sebastian stepped back and bowed “May I have this dance?” She told him that he should be dancing with Bethany but he disagreed. “My first dance will be with my best girl.” She laughed “Huh, must be a wonderful person for you to save your first dance to.” And they both laughed as they danced both in sync to the music playing in the speakers. Yes you are.

A lot of pictures were taken on their graduation day. Both Y/N’s parents decided to come home and celebrate. Y/N’s face lit up like a Christmas tree when Dean decided to show up. He wasn’t supposed to go back home that week but he said that this was far more important than any war that’s been happening. Dean may be loyal to his country but he was loyal to his family first. Sebastian knew how much Dean meant to her, she talked about him whenever she can. I miss him, she says. But he knew better, she talked about him because she didn’t want to forget him.

“So right, I saw him behind the Gym getting beat up by these guys so I stepped in and that’s the start of our friendship.” she told everyone and laughed, they were having a small dinner at Y/N’s house the Stan household was with them, their families had been friends for so long that they trusted one another.

“So, what are your plans after this?” Dean asked Y/N. She stopped cutting her steak and looked at him, “Planning to take up psychology and criminology at the same time then afterwards probably serve in the military then its the FBI for me.” Everyone looked at her, was this news to them? She never told her family? “If you guys are planning to stop me, you know that you won’t be able to. I’ve made up my mind. Even Sebastian persuaded me to not push through and it didn’t work. We all know how persuasive he is.” Sebastian smiled, “ If that doesn’t work its a small coffee shop for her” Y/N laughed, “Aww, you remembered”

“So I’ve been meaning to ask” Dean decided to start, Oh no. Sebastian’s heart was beating so fast he feels as if he’s about to get a heart attack. “Are you guys together?” Both of them choked on their drinks. There it is. “No we’re not.” Sebastian answered and looked at Y/N “Just really good friends.” Y/N smiled and laughed. But didn’t speak another word after that. After dinner, Dean offered to take the Stans home in his car. Y/N hugged Sebastian before he left. “I’ll see you tomorrow?” She nodded and bid goodbye.

A few years down the road, their friendship still held strong. They moved in together since it would be cheaper and therefore more cost effective. Dean was against it at first but Y/N got him to agree, they grew up together and Sebastian knows that there are million ways that Y/N could kill him. Some nights they would stay up all night watching movies, eating pizza and just relaxing like they used to do. Sometimes they would built forts in the living room just to experience the camping trips they used to have when they were in their high school. But Y/N was in her last year of military training while Sebastian was starting to act in the big screen when the news came out. “I’m leaving for Afghanistan in two weeks.” They both dreaded the time that it would happen. They didn’t want to be apart from each other but they didn’t have any choice. But Sebastian still wanted to try to get her to stay. “But your training won’t be finished for at least two months. We still have two months.” Y/N sat down and looked at him. “I know but a representative picked me. Based on my grades and recommendation of my mentors they said that I would be the best choice.” “Y/N—. You’re a girl! They can’t ask you to lead a war. This is ridiculous. Are you going? Did you tell your family?” Sebastian was furious. Why would they choose her. Why would they want to take her away from him. “War has no gender, Sebby. And well I’m pretty sure my brother would tell them once he knew.” “Jesus christ. Y/N, this is too soon.” “Sebastian. Please, let me do this.” he looked away, tears running down his cheeks. “Sebby, look at me. I can’t do this without your support. Please.”

“How can I support your suicide mission, Y/N?” he shook his head.

Y/N moved closer to where he was sitting, reached out to touch his cheek, “Look at me, Seb.” She wiped his tear stricken face “Seb, I can handle my parents not supporting me, or my brother but not you. You’re the only one I’m holding on to right now. I can’t--”

“You’re breaking my heart, Y/N.”

“Seb. I’m scared. I’m so fucking scared to do this. But I can’t back out. I can’t. This is the only thing I’ve ever known in my whole life. I’ve trained my whole life for this. Its my choice then, and I’m still going to choose it now. ”

For the first time, she was crying. When she dropped her hand that was resting on his cheek he pulled her in and hugged her tight. He didn’t know how long they stayed that way. Minutes? Hours? But time didn’t matter that night. Only them.

They did everything that they could possibly do in that two weeks.

Sebastian surprised Y/N the morning after she broke the news of her deployment. He decided that he wanted to celebrate all of the holidays that they won’t get to spend together. Christmas. New Year. Thanksgiving. Halloween. Everything.

Then they decided to write a letter for each other so that they’d have something to read during those days. So that even though they’re miles apart they could still feel like they’re together.

But that night it was quiet. There were no celebrations. No pictures. Just the two of them inside the apartment. It was quiet. Too quiet.

“You’re leaving tomorrow.” he muttered when they were having dinner. Y/N ordered pizza and put on some 20’s chick-flick on the tv. “I can’t...I’m going to miss you. Terribly.”

“I’m going to miss you too.” Y/N assured him. Because she was going to miss him. He knew that, he was her friend of course she would. But the kind of miss that he was talking about wasn’t the way she would miss him. He won’t miss her like that. She means too much. He’s been torn between confessing his feelings for her or not. Because either way, she’ll always leave. And what’s worse is that she could not like him back. So he decided to not do it. Next time.

“What time are you going to leave?”

“I’m gonna leave at 5 am, I have to be at the airport by 8.” She took another bite of the pizza and laughed at what the character in the film said.

“Can I go with you? To the airport.”

“Please don’t.” she muttered. Sebastian looked at her, his eyes glassy from the tears threatening to escape. “I don’t..I don’t think I’ll be able to go if you’re there.”

He understood. He doesn’t think he can let her go if he went with her at the airport.

“I’m gonna throw these out. Go take a rest.” Sebastian told her when the movie finished. She nodded weakly and went to her room.

It’s funny how they weren’t able to hear each other’s cries in that little apartment.

Before Sebastian closed his door he heard Y/N’s open up. She was standing there in his t-shirt that was way too big for her and his boxers that somehow ended up in her laundry.

“Can I sleep with you tonight?” her cheeks heated up when she asked the question. “Of course.” Sebastian answered without missing a beat.

That night, both of them just stared at the ceiling. Sebastian wondered if it was Y/N’s heartbeat that was beating so loudly. Or maybe that was his. When Y/N turned her back on Sebastian, she muttered the tiniest goodnight. Too soft for Sebastian to hear.

Sebastian on the other hand turned to look at her. Contemplating if it was too much to pull her close and hug her. If that would be okay.

But the moment Y/N choked out the words ‘I’m scared’ Sebastian enveloped his arms around her. As she cried on his chest, he held her tight. As if he didn’t want to let go. As if he could shield her from the horrors that she would be facing in Afghanistan.

part three

#under the same sky #fanfic #sebastian stan #sebastian x reader #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan imagine #sebastian stan fanfic

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shslweddings · 7 years

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im pouring a drink already

Assume unless stated otherwise that these are kinda more referencing the tadashi that came into mutual killing, rather than... whatever hell development he’s dragging his ass through rn. even i can never tell where that’s gonna settle now. wyd

1. Does your character have siblings or family members in their age group? Which one are they closest with?

Tadashi has a... lot of siblings (an older brother, an older sister, and two younger twin brothers), and they’re all decently close to his age; no like six year gaps or anything with him. Though he’s ‘eh’ about his siblings at absolute best, he was always closest to his brother Dachi in the sense that he perhaps got along the best with him. This might, admittedly, have only been because Dachi - in his position as the oldest child and the one most trusted with the rest of the kids by their parents often - frequently made sure he was as involved with all his siblings and looking out for them as much as he could be in this hellscape, but hey. Still counts.

2. What is/was your character’s relationship with their mother like?

Pretty good actually! His mother was always the better parent at picking out tiny kinda being an antisocial shit who never really got up to much Tadashi, and as a result was generally the one to give him the most attention there. She’s also the one that introduced him to photography for the first time in her own idea, so she was generally the one Tadashi, in all his goddamn proud child glory, ended up talking to and showing off that stuff to. She’d never become mother of the year, and could seem as detached from Tadashi as the best of them sometimes in his eyes among all the other surrounding crap in both their lives, but they did always have that link at least.

3. What is/was your character’s relationship with their father like?

Limited. While both of Tadashi’s parents were pretty goddamn busy people, his father was even less available to him than his mother: his sister Sayaka had the role of ‘dad’s girl’ absolutely on lock down, so any free moment the man had was focused around her pursuits 9 times out of 10. Tadashi and his father didn’t violently disagree or anything, but they didn’t... actually get on a great deal either. There just... wasn’t really anything there to write about, to be honest.

4. Has your character ever witnessed something that fundamentally changed them? If so, does anyone else know?

Not exactly. He’s seen the aftermath of some shit that’s kinda hammered home some ideas on things, really, but that’s not the same as seeing the actual thing go down itself.

5. On an average day, what can be found in your character’s pockets?

Tadashi’s an organised kind of guy (no shit), so you can generally find him with most of the things he needs for the day in a bag of some kind as opposed to pockets (with the exception of his phone and whatever notebook he has; he prefers having that to hand). But an average day outside of mutual killing normally involves Tadashi doing his job in some capacity, so you can usually find some odd job related items lurking in his pockets: dead batteries he dropped in there while changing them that he forgot about, crumpled up notes he tore out when he was done with them but didn’t want to just drop on the floor, something to write with. Not too exciting, honestly.

6. Does your character have recurring themes in their dreams?

Not that he’s noticed- Tadashi doesn’t tend to remember his dreams, as he tends to fall asleep so quickly and hard for such short periods of time (outside the game anyway).

7. Does your character have recurring themes in their nightmares?

see above

8. Has your character ever fired a gun? If so, what was their first target?

Nope! no gundash today

9. Is your character’s current socioeconomic status different than it was when they were growing up?

Not particularly? Sure, he lives with a different branch of his family now than he did while growing up, but honestly in this side of affairs there’s not really much difference. Unless you count earning for himself more, which is... actually rapidly picking up. those high profile clients willing to spend a bunch huh

10. Does your character feel more comfortable with more clothing, or with less clothing?

He generally ends up striking a weird kinda balance, but leaning towards the side of ‘more’. More clothing makes him feel more secure, in a way, because this boy ain’t that good at suddenly being touched never mind bare skin being got at all of a sudden, even if it’s just a stranger accidentally brushing his arm in a crowd. But there’s some things he’s more accepting of or prefers not being covered: he doesn’t like long sleeves, for example, because he just feels that it gets more in the way of him doing his job efficiently.

11. In what situation was your character the most afraid they’ve ever been?

it’s actually in game so oops

12. In what situation was your character the most calm they’ve ever been?

A distinct moment can’t... really be picked out, to be honest, because Tadashi can remain so damn calm in situations that he really has no business being. time to watch ryouji die over and over with a blank fuckign expression

13. Is your character bothered by the sight of blood? If so, in what way?

He only gets a bit weirded out by the sight if it appears to be from a head wound, but even that isn’t too obviously bad. Tadashi really isn’t that bothered by blood. It’s just kinda... there.

fake blood that someone’s spread around for a case is a different matter entirely goddamn he’s still pissed

14. Does your character remember names or faces easier?

Good at both, but slightly better with names. You might think faces, given his talent, but Tadashi winds up working with a lot of people, and he prefers taking notes to keep track of everything, so he tends to work attributing things he thinks of (like what he needs to bring up to a client next) to written down names rather than faces.

15. Is your character preoccupied with money or material possession? Why or why not?

Not really. It’s just not really something that’s cropped up in Tadashi’s life too much: not because he has a massive excess of money or anything, but he’s just kinda... accepted his lot in life, really. Besides. He finds he has a lot more shit to focus on in a day than deciding what the hell to buy for himself or ask for, because it just doesn’t really happen (also? Preferences are hard. Don’t take this guy shopping.)

16. Which does your character idealize most: happiness or success?

Success: much like the previous point, Tadashi had really just kinda fucking accepted that this is where his lucky life had led him, so happiness was kinda... locked in at just sticking to himself and not being murdered or putting himself into a further uncomfortable position or anything? Jesus

plus success kinda always brought a bit more attention which does make him happy lmao

17. What was your character’s favorite toy as a child?

If you would count a disposable camera as a toy for a child, then that. If you don’t, then he didn’t really have one: keeping your own toys for yourself is kinda hard when you have four siblings, and he was one of those kids that preferred reading over anything else anyway.

18. Is your character more likely to admire wisdom, or ambition in others?

Ambition has its place, but wisdom; Tadashi can respect people he sees as actually clued in and somewhat logical and such.

19. What is your character’s biggest relationship flaw? Has this flaw destroyed relationships for them before?

tadashi’s biggest relationship flaw is actually embracing getting into the relationship itself which leads into them being destroyed before they even really have a chance to start. oops.

(life is full of surprises huh)

20. In what ways does your character compare themselves to others? Do they do this for the sake of self-validation, or self-criticism?

Tadashi very much tends to hop back and forth between self validation and criticism, really, both in the comparison of different things. The validation comes from lining up his thought processes to those of others; namely, those who he finds an absolute joke at the current moment for whatever reason. Crit, meanwhile... well. In the last (non in VR) year Tadashi’s become taken with the idea of making himself a ‘better person’, and this decision comes with the habit of comparing how he’s acting towards or in something to how someone else he considers better with people or whatever might, in some kind of harsh reflection. Whichever one he goes for is context dependant on the harshness and personal involvement of a situation he’s in, and sometimes one can lead into the other.

21. If something tragic or negative happens to your character, do they believe they may have caused or deserved it, or are they quick to blame others?

Difficult- Tadashi’s never going to be one to say he deserved something (with perhaps the exception of the self crit described above; he can recognise sometimes when he may have been a bit shitty or gone too close to a line), but he does believe or know that his luck is ABSOLUTE GARBAGE... but it’s not like he caused this luck himself. So maybe he sits somewhere inbetween these options here.

22. What does your character like in other people?

Tadashi really values someone who obviously puts work into actually thinking; it was mentioned earlier, but he respects logical people a lot, and those who actually think through a situation or whatever. He also enjoys those who can get on the same level of wry bullshit with him; Tadashi has a very dry sense of humour, so if you have the same sense of humour or can at least run with it, he’ll like that. As much of a good person as he might consider you to be, if you’re very naive and don’t ever really appear to think (or be a little critical, of people or otherwise), he’s... gonna get bored.

23. What does your character dislike in other people?

this is too long a list he’s so bad genuinely with people

Though to actually get specialised and cut out what he might just, say, feel exasperated by or made uncomfortable around, Tadashi really doesn’t like people who just totally focus on themselves.. because they ignore him completely.

24. How quick is your character to trust someone else?

slow

hell

Genuine trust is not a fast thing to get from Tadashi Matsuo. If you do, it’s because someone he somehow already trusts has kinda recommended you here. But you might not get it even then.

25. How quick is your character to suspect someone else? Does this change if they are close with that person?

In a natural opposite of above, Tadashi is very quick to suspect people’s intentions through... well, it might be faster to ask what not through. Changing depending on closeness is... weird, and depends on whether you’re getting mutually close with him or if you’re the only one putting in the effort to get to know each other here. He’s faster to suspect you if it’s just you pushing in. why is such a nightmare to get to know

26. How does your character behave around children?

As neutrally as you’d expect anyone to, really, though with an added touch of neutrality on Tadashi’s side: if he’s around children, it’s most likely because they’re at the event he’s photographing, so he kinda needs to remain professional and get the hell on with his job. At least he doesn’t snap at them.

27. How does your character normally deal with confrontation?

Sarcasm and insults disguised underneath generic exasperation if he’s initiating it; if it’s directed at him first he varies depending on how much he’s been annoyed up to that point. Either way, he’ll get himself over it later by dragging you a bit mentally while he seethes, probably. at kindest

28. How quick or slow is your character to resort to physical violence in a confrontation?

It’s a last resort unless it’s called for immediately, like him actually being physically attacked. Only because Tadashi is fully aware of his status as a noodle boy with practically zero athletic ability though, as opposed to having anything against violence or whatever.

29. What did your character dream of being or doing as a child? Did that dream come true?

He... didn’t, really. Tadashi was always one of those kids that had absolutely no idea what their dream job was, and was much better at picking out what he didn’t want to do such as becoming an athlete of any kind. You could argue that the fact he’s very likely to be able to pursue professional photography at this point in his life would count, as he does genuinely like photography and he would be quite happy to continue with that (with the wedding shit at least toned down, maybe), but he didn’t exactly rock up to class as a kid saying he wanted to do that as his dream. Just kinda developed slowly really.

30. What does your character find repulsive or disgusting?

Not too much outside of standard things, really. Easily grossed out by having to put his hands in disgusting stuff, that kinda thing.

yes he’s still pissed about that fake blood

31. Describe a scenario in which your character feels most comfortable.

The ‘rest days’ he takes the day after working all of yesterday at a wedding feel very comfortable to Tadashi. Though he’s literally just taking the day to rest and recover from all the effort, essentially, it’s incredible comfortable just in the sense that it feels like the only kind of day he can have without any kind of work pressures, and no-one’s going to get on his back about it. He can really just leave all that crap and take a day really to himself. confy

as the mutual killing game progresses this is actually developing a bit because hey he... might actually like other people around?? goddamn

32. Describe a scenario in which your character feels most uncomfortable.

Not going too deep, but any situation that involves someone being incredibly insistent on getting to know him, essentially.

33. In the face of criticism, is your character defensive, self-deprecating, or willing to improve?

Depends how the criticism is delivered- he’s likely going to feel stung either way, and possibly wind up kicking himself over how he’s been depending on what it’s about, but how it’s delivered really does affect his response (especially if he’s really just starting to work on getting to you properly and is relaxing into it more; that’s when he’s going to be the most naturally defensive over criticism of himself). As a general rule, he’s going to be more willing to improve with less of the sense that you’re just going directly for his throat.

34. Is your character more likely to keep trying a solution/method that didn’t work the first time, or immediately move on to a different solution/method?

Immediately move on. If Tadashi’s trying something, he’s more than likely to have tried to plan it out to some degree beforehand. So if it’s not working, he must have gotten something wrong in that process, and it would be much better to go back to the drawing board rather than continually try something that’s clearly not going to work.

35. How does your character behave around people they like?

If Tadashi is starting to genuinely like someone, there’s a large chance that he’ll start to slip more and more into actually acting like himself, because if he likes you? He’s kinda picked up the vibe that he can be more comfortable like that around you. As a result though, he’ll be acting kiiinda tentatively, in the event that the person kinda just... turns around and says Hey Um You’re Actually A Pretty Shitty Guy. That aside though, he’ll be behaving much more freely in terms of being sarcastic and wry, and also he’ll be much more toned down in how ^-^ he can appear.

36. How does your character behave around people they dislike?

Depends on context (work versus trial, for example) and how worked up he’s actually getting if it’s the latter kind of context: he’s either just with the usual superficial polite act and actively trying to stop himself going further, or he’s a lot more scathing of the person than he would be normally right to their face. Very much a ‘I don’t have time for this’ sense.

37. Is your character more concerned with defending their honor, or protecting their status?

Protecting his status. If Tadashi’s gotten to some kind of status, he probably feels like he’s put in a fucking lot of work to get there, and as a result would want to defend that place as much as possible.

38. Is your character more likely to remove a problem/threat, or remove themselves from a problem/threat?

Honestly it kind of depends on what the problem or threat is, and how involved he is with it personally. The more personally involved he is with it, the more likely he is to swing towards removing the problem/threat. If he’s less involved and just figures it would be pretty stupid to throw himself into this potentially dangerous situation or stay in it, he’s much more likely to just remove himself from it.

39. Has your character ever been bitten by an animal? How were they affected (or unaffected)?

When Tadashi was younger his sister thought it would be fun to throw a very defensive street cat in his direction.

Tadashi’s never liked cats since.

40. How does your character treat people in service jobs?

As respectfully as he can, actually, even with the way he usually acts to people he doesn’t really know. He kinda gets the whole idea of consistently dealing with people you might not be able to stand.

41. Does your character feel that they deserve to have what they want, whether it be material or abstract, or do they feel they must earn it first?

Perhaps leaning a little more towards deserve, but not really either of them, particularly? Sure, Tadashi’s in a place after a bunch of shit in his life (or lack of it, in some cases) where he certainly would like to get some things, and might feel he deserves them at this point. But he also recognises that he does work in a field that kinda hard in terms of staying at the top of it, so there’s a sense of needing to earn things there.

Which is also kinda weird because he wasn’t really trying to become a HPA recognised photographer or anything and was just kinda accepting this job as his life but that’s a totally different fact.

42. Has your character ever had a parental figure who was not related to them?

Nope. He hasn’t lived with his parents in a while, but those who took him in are actually related to him, so can’t really count that.

43. Has your character ever had a dependent figure who was not related to them?

Not that he’s acutely aware of, anyway.

44. How easy or difficult is it for your character to say “I love you?” Can they say it without meaning it?

Very difficult, but only in the sense of actually working him into a position where, y’know, he might actually say that kind of thing- both in terms of actually somehow pulling off getting into a relationship with him and him being absolutely sure that if he comes out with it you’ll... probably feel the same. It’s quite possible that he’s been sat on it for a while but just doesn’t dare say it In Case. vulnerable boy. He’s never going to be the kind of person who idly says they love a friend as just a goodbye or anything; if he’s saying it, he means it.

45. What does your character believe will happen to them after they die? Does this belief scare them?

Nothing. That’s honestly it- Tadashi’s never been a fan of what he likes to call ‘otherworldly’ concepts like fate and such, and any kind of afterlife tends to fall into that category, so he both doesn’t really believe anything will happen whatsoever and he doesn’t really think about it. As a kind of result of this, he’s not exactly scared of it.

#welcome to fact hell #ooc

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russellthornton · 7 years

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How to Build Confidence: 11 Powerful Changes to Alter Your Life

If you struggle with your confidence, life can be especially hard to navigate. These 11 ways for how to build confidence changes your perspective.

Everyone feels nervous or uncertain from time to time. It can be very difficult once you started feeling this way to get over it! Feeling confident and self-assured can be so helpful in many ways. Whether heading into a job interview or plucking up the courage to ask out that person you’ve had a crush on for ages, confidence plays a key part. Read on to learn how to build confidence and transform your life.

A person with self-confidence also feels happier within themselves and comes across as more attractive. If you have confidence, you are more likely to be determined to reach your life goals, take risks, make brave decisions, and feel positivity about what’s to come. Sounds pretty good, right? [Read: How to gain confidence and change your life]

How to build confidence and never look back

Even if you are terribly self-conscious and lacking in confidence there are many small things to do and slowly start to improve your esteem. Building self-confidence requires time and effort. It requires attitude change, training your thoughts, learning how to feel differently about yourself, and dealing with those negative emotions when they pop into your head.

If you want to learn how to build confidence, read on and follow these 11 excellent tips!

#1 Weed out those negative thoughts. In order to start feeling more confident, get to the root cause of the problem. If you are the kind of person who always thinks you aren’t good enough or won’t be able to do something, it’s clear that you hold yourself back and put yourself down. Once you identify that negative inner voice, start to address it. [Read: How to be a positive person and find the silver lining all the time]

#2 Turn negative thoughts to positive ones. As soon as that negative voice pipes up, simply repeat the opposite to yourself. So, when you hear ‘I can’t do it’ force yourself to say, ‘I can do it.’ When you say ‘Im not good enough’ instead change it to ‘I am good enough.’

It takes time, but slowly and surely, by replacing or counteracting your negative thoughts with positive ones, you feel more positive. Your self-confidence starts to improve. [Read: How to stop having negative thoughts that drag you down]

#3 Surround yourself with positive people. It’s easy to fall into the trap of hanging out with people who reinforce the image of ourselves that we believe. Take a long, hard look at the people you hang out with and who you choose to be friends with. It’s likely there are some unhealthy relationships there.

It is not necessarily the other person’s fault, but if you constantly talk yourself down or mocked yourself, they might have an image of you as someone they can talk down to too. They might not even realize they do it. In these instances, you face two options—end the relationship or explain how you need them to be more positive and supportive. If they are a worthwhile person to have in your life, they’ll do their best to help you.

A supportive group of people—relatives, friends, colleagues, peers, and so on—help boost your confidence and maintain a positive attitude about yourself. Those who criticize you or put you down or always tell you what you ‘should’ be doing are not helpful in your life and need to leave it! [Read: Negative Nancy: 17 traits and ways to deal with their attitude]

#4 Find your strengths. In order to build your confidence, look at your positive traits. Think about your talents and what you bring to the table. Everyone has something they are good at. So, spend a little time thinking about what your talents are.

It could be a hobby or skill or something more abstract, such as being a good listener. Once you know what your talents are think about how you can use them to help others, advance your career or focus on to build a better and more positive self-image. In order to be confident, you need pride in yourself, celebration of your successes, and accepting there might be failures on the way, but never let them get you down.

#5 Accept compliments. A person with low self-confidence finds it very difficult to accept compliments and can be very self-deprecating. This becomes quite tiresome for other people who stop giving you compliments and trying to encourage you if they are always met with a negative response.

Learn how to accept compliments and really listen to them. Respond positively and take the compliment to heart. Also learn how to give compliments. Spreading the love and helping build other people’s confidence gives you a positive, warm, sunny feeling. It helps you feel even better about yourself. [Read: How to accept compliments without feeling awkward]

#6 Smile lots, make eye contact, and walk tall. Just by smiling lots and paying attention to your body language, you give off the impression of self-confidence. Even if you feel scared and nervous inside, make sure you don’t give yourself away. The more that you are able to practice this, the more convincing you will be. Fake it until you make it! If you keep doing this eventually it comes naturally.

#7 Take risks. A life without risks or making brave decisions is one hardly worth living. If you want to give your confidence a boost, step out of your comfort zone once in a while, take a risk, and do something that you never thought you would do. If you don’t do things that scare you a little, you’ll never know what the payoff could be.

Go for that job you want, ask out the person you like, go sky diving or bungee jumping, or whatever it is that’s at the back of your mind that you always wanted to do, but have been too afraid to try, until now! [Read: How to step out of your comfort zone and be more outgoing]

#8 Have patience. If you want to learn how to build self confidence and grow as a person, start by being kind to yourself. Remember to be patient. You aren’t going to be able to eliminate negative thoughts or become supremely brave at the drop of a hat. The more you practice these confidence-building techniques the better you’ll get at it. [Read: How to be comfortable with yourself and embrace who you are]

#9 Don’t compare yourself to others, and accept that you aren’t perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has flaws because no one is perfect. The way you deal with setbacks and how you accept and embrace those not-so-perfect aspects of yourself make you a better human being!

If you constantly beat yourself up about things, only focus on the negatives, and zone in on what you don’t like about yourself, you always lack confidence and feel uncertain. Work to improve yourself and accept the things you cannot change.

#10 Take care of yourself. Take pride in your appearance, stay healthy, get enough sleep. Taking care of yourself helps you keep a positive mindset and look and feel healthier and more attractive. [Read: 17 ways to focus on yourself and make your own sunshine]

#11 Be grateful. Take a moment every single day *when you first wake up is good* to think about the things you are grateful for. Reminding ourselves of the good things we have helps to put everything in perspective. It helps us start each day with hearts full of joy and in a positive frame of mind!

[Read: 20 things to be grateful for in life that you probably don’t appreciate enough]

These 11 ways are a perfect start if you want to know how to build confidence. Remember to start slowly, take your time, and always keep practicing.

The post How to Build Confidence: 11 Powerful Changes to Alter Your Life is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

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